


The Messiah

by Siddal_Preaker



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: AU Marvel isn't split over a million companies, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asgardians are gods not space aliens, BDSM, Blood and Gore, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Character Death, Character Death Fix, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Female Character of Color, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infinity Gems, Loki (Marvel) Lives, Loki (Marvel) Redemption, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Marvel Cameos, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase Two Compliant, Oral Sex, Plus Size Female Character, Protective Loki (Marvel), Psychological Horror, Self-Harm, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, Soul Bond, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Loki Gets Redemption and Happiness AU everyone asked for, The Ultimate Alliance AU no one asked for, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-02-11 17:17:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 882,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12939999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siddal_Preaker/pseuds/Siddal_Preaker
Summary: Long before the fall, Prince Loki's first wonderful mistake was agreeing to teach his close friend and fellow warrior the art of magic. An outcast herself, she becomes his apprentice in sorcery to forge her own path. Both of them deny feelings for as long as they dare. Their relationship twists gods, mortals, and monsters alike over many years when the Infinity Gems and new enemies arise. She struggles for her place among the brightest stars in Asgard to become the savior she dreamed of, but fate always demands an exchange.Fic focuses on Loki/F!Asgardian OC but many happen along the way. Anti-Villains, Ultimate Alliances, Heroes, and Redemption Arcs Galore. Six phase novel length fanfic.





	1. The Importance of Buildup

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for coming here! This story is so very personal to me. It started as this silly thing and branched out into something genuine. It opened me up as a person and writer and it's my heart. Lead Lady is unnamed so I refer to her as The Lady here. She and Loki are very stupid, especially in the beginning. Sorry about that. She follows the path of a savior that twists over hell and back, coming out as something new. Relationships grow and life lessons impact the world around her. Her history was very real and taken from my own so fair warning.  
> Starts long before the Events of Thor 1 and before they actually get together then goes roughly to Cap2: WS. Asgard history not taken fully from canon. Any OCs are all mine. Many Phase 2 mcu movies don't exist/change/merge with other non mcu marvel films. Many heavily flawed/toxic characters learn repetitive lessons. Loki is also purposefully a mix of mcu, comic, & myth canon. Enjoy. :)  
> ((This story was completed over 4yrs from Nov '13-Oct '17. ))  
> Self Harm Warning immediately upon this first chapter. First person! OC is plus, mentally ill, woc. Warnings for implied CSA, self harm, mental illness, suicide mentions, heavily flawed characters in the middle of growth, and societal issues. NOVEL LENGTH. Finally, this is the First of Six Phases that split up the many prompts to come, called Before the Fall: The Burn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts with two friends and fellow warriors struggling with longtime feelings and new realizations. She realizes she loves him at the worst moment. Story tumbles into place after. Again, major self harm warning at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki and his Lady are childhood friends and come to some new territory after years of dancing around each other. Neither are certain if they're open to it yet. Fandral catches his dear friend in the midst of something terrible. Loki is being his usual, mischievous self and going too far while unchecked feelings burst forth on both sides. Prompts are weeks to months to years apart. Asgardians are very old.

            The buildup was always an important part of any process. Any event. Any lifetime.

            The exhale before a kiss. Two friends running to embrace after a long separation. The way a warrior lifts their weapon for the final blow. Me setting up my tools.

            Yes, I could say I enjoyed the buildup. Rolling out each sharpened object. A broken razor blade. A knife with a cracked handle. A sharp crystal. A piece of mirror. I liked to get creative. Ointment. Cleaning solution. Gauze. Medical Tape. I knew my aftercare well.

           Shaken fingers fumbled as I blinked for the tenth time when my eyes watered again. Lungs heaved for oxygen and I felt like water instead filled the void around me.  _Hurry_ , my brain pressed. I could make it go away. I fisted a hand into my messy hair, fingernails scratching over my scalp as I buried my head in my lap for a moment, the mess of tears already soaking through.  _Too loud_ , my head pounded and screamed, something in me clawed to get out. I need this. Sitting in the corner between my bed and nightstand, I pulled my pants down over my thighs and here it still was. The buildup. The sick excitement. The shame. The need. The way my heart sped and tore itself in different directions. The water built around me and I picked up the broken razor blade.  _Stupid._  I needed this. It pressed it into my thigh over an aged scar and refused to close my eyes. _Press down._

I did.

            As my skin broke with beads of blood, the water rushed out of my lungs and the screaming in my head faded away. I could have tossed my head back with a moan of relief but didn’t pull my eyes away. The buildup was good, yes. But this, the pain.  _Gods_. The pain was  _real_. I was real and I could point to it and watch in awe. I was breathing again. My head forced above the surface of the black water. My leg stung as I set the tool aside and stared as pricks of dark blood began to well up. I watched each one begin to trickle slowly like perspiration would after a relief work-out on the training grounds. My pulse slowed and I went slack, eyes turning to the ceiling finally as my lips parted with a calm exhale.  _Euphoria_. Sick, perfect euphoria. The pain was better as it brought me here. The pain was always better. Blood began to trickle more purposefully while I grabbed the gauze and hissed when I pressed it hard into the cut. I held it there for a moment, a dry, rueful chuckle leaving my lips when I exhaled again and spoke the words I always did after.

           “Heimdall, forgive me.” My process always went like this when I succumbed. Shifting, I froze when I heard footsteps going down the long hallway toward my room, turning and getting closer. My parents had been outside.

_No._

            Someone called my name and I was still bleeding when the door opened.

            “ _Fandral_!” I choked at the sight of him wearing his usual smile when he barged in.

            “Oh!” He noticed my pants around my knees and almost shut the door but instead gave this wide-eyed look of horror at the rich red staining the white gauze in my hand. I was frozen, my bottom lip trembling while fear crept down my spine and flooded my body. Fandral was just… _standing there_. So when he finally moved, I flinched violently away as he shut the door, locked it, and came over. I’d pictured this moment in my head at least a hundred times. Someone walking in. Looking at me in disgust. Me screaming. But, nothing prepared me for  _this_.

            “Out!” I hissed, finding my voice. “I…I cut my leg on-”

            “What is this?” Fandral gestured to everything laid out neatly on the bed, to the razor sitting stained in blood on a rag; to me sitting in a pathetic heap on the floor. He knew. Gods, he knew.

            “Get away,” I closed my eyes and looked elsewhere when my vision blurred with warm tears. But, Fandral was kneeling down next to me when I glanced back, his flawless, young face pinched in sadness and confusion. My oldest friend had discovered me like this. It was utterly pathetic. Recoiling into the corner, I felt him take the gauze from my hand to look before he said my name in a slow breath, like it was a question.

            “Wha-?”

            “You need to leave me alone,” I sniffled, wiping my tears on my sleeve. I didn’t know what to say, how to explain, and I didn’t think I could. So, I just sat there pathetically and he was still just  _staring_ at me.

            “I… I…” Finally, he shook his head at me. “Let me help you, I need to get-”

            “No!” I cried, latching onto his arm to keep him in place. “You cannot tell anyone. Fandral, please…please don’t you dare tell anyone my secret. Please… Please,” I was crying again, “swear it… Swear you won’t…”

            “Shhh, calm down,“ Fandral was pressing more gauze to my cut. “I swear to you. I swear on my honor but you have to allow me to assist you.” Grabbing the ointment from my bed, he began to clean the wound for me. “Let me clean you up and you will tell me everything.” I stared at my friend. Fandral, who was sweet and perfect and who could charm anyone he wished. Our relationship about to reach a peak it hadn’t before. I'd been content to hide from my friends, even if it was in their shadows. They cast so large here in Asgard and I played catch up. Fandral followed me to the bridge and swore to help me cross it. I had no choice. Slowly, I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. Fandral’s hand touched my leg and I flinched as his thumb ran across an old scar. He closed his eyes, opened them, and exhaled through his nose. “What have you done to yourself?” When a small sob caught in my throat, he realized his words had hurt me. I didn't know if one of my parents had come back inside the house, so I covered my lips with my hand to get ahold of myself. “No…No, No…I…I didn’t mean… Forgive me.” He was working quickly to bandage the cut and I felt my world tumbling over. Scrambling, I fixed my pants once he was done and set everything back in the box I kept them in. Hiding the box under a floorboard, I forcefully evaded Fandral’s gaze.

            “I’ll… I’ll tell you anything you wish to know…but you can’t repeat any of this to anyone… Please.” My fingers curled up, clenching into fists. "Especially not our friends."

            “Look at me, my lady,” Fandral touched my face and I lifted my gaze at his usual affectionate name for me, “I’ve sworn to you that I will not say a word.” He paused, sitting against my bed and I saw his eyes avert to the floorboard I’d put my box in. “How odd.”

            “What is?” I tilted my head.

            “I’ve been in this room, walked over that floorboard at least a thousand times. Been your friend for so long, how have I not known?”

            “Because I didn’t want you…or anyone else to know,” I curled my legs up, my hand on my thigh absentmindedly.

            “What brought you to this?” Fandral asked, his brow furrowing and I let out a slightly amused breath, sitting back.

            “It started out as…an accident, turned to morbid curiosity and…” I shook my head, looking elsewhere. “A part of me still can’t believe how normal it’s become. How easily it made its way into my life as some  _routine_.”

            “Are you dependent on it?”

            “Fandral-”

            “Are you?”

            “…Yes.” My voice was small.

            “If I asked you to stop, you would not be able to just stop, would you?”

            “No...No,” I shook my head. “I’ve realized that even if I did, it would always be a part of me. And I…I can live with that much now. I have to. I made a choice.”

            “What…What do you gain from it?” Fandral paused, his eyes searching for words, any words that can make this better and not finding them. “What makes you…? What brings you to the state of hurting yourself?”

            “Fandral, you know that I can be… _somber…in excess_. Angry. A complete mess. Some days go through periods of either feeling everything or nothing at all. Often for no reason… I… And then some days, I just cannot  _breathe_. I’m pushed and pushed and it’s so loud and my head…I just…I just cannot make any of it go away.” I was holding myself, fingers bunching up the fabric of my clothing. “It’s…It’s like I’m swimming from one island to another…and suddenly I’m pulled under the water. I struggle and fight but I’m slowly pulled deeper and the world goes dark… Water fills my lungs. Fills the area around me. When…When I do it… It’s like that first perfect, calming intake of air when I resurface. My head tosses above the water and I can breathe and…I feel  _real_ again. The pain. It makes me real. I… You must think I’m awful.”

            “No,” Fandral shook his head, watching me intently. “You are one of my closest friends. My oldest in fact. You always will be. You have been there for me, now simply allow me to do the same.”

            “You shouldn’t have to  _deal_  with me as a best friend, I-”

            “I’m far from dealing with you… I wish to help you. Tell me what I can do. Tell me how I can assist you.”

            “Fandral,” I shook my head, bringing my hand to touch his face. “Don’t you see?” We locked eyes, he had to accept this. “You can’t.”

            “You must let me do something,” Fandral took my hand.

            “I’m not your responsibility.”

            “No, you’re not,” he shook his head. “But, as I’ve said, you are my  _friend_. I am in this, I’ll stay in this with you now.” Slowly, I nodded, moving my hands to fold them on my lap. “Next time you feel the need…come to me. I cannot stand by now and let you…do this to yourself. Try coming to me instead. You must tell me. Can you do that?”

            “Fandral, I,” I paused, exhaling, “I’ve never had anyone to come to about this. Never talked about it. But, I trust you and…next time I…I’ll come see you first. I need you to know that you won’t always be there to stop me…and it won’t be your fault if I do.”

            “I will do what I can for you. You shall have to trust me.”

            “And you can trust me.” I spoke, watching him carefully; I felt so terrible that this had happened.

            “And you are far from awful, my lady,” Fandral’s lips upturned in the slightest. “You are beautiful.” With my tear-stained face, I laughed and he ruffled the dark auburn curls out of my face. Sunlight streamed inside the room and made them a starker shade of red.

            “That’s your  _dashing_  side talking.”

            “That side never lies.” He grinned. “Come now, you’ve sat through me talking until the sun sets. I will easily do this for you.”

            “…Thank you, Fandral.”

** ** **

            “Fancy another bout?” Sif smiled, looking down at me on the ground before she lent a hand to help me up. Though I had no hope to win, I loved sparring with Sif. Frustration gripped me to do better.

            “No, I imagine you should seek out a real challenge now.” I caught her gazing past me and turned to see Thor making his way along the training grounds.

            “Nonsense, you put up a marvelous fight,” Sif beamed again and I laughed lightly.

            “Thanks for that, but I really should go, I told Loki I’d meet him and give him his book back. I think he ran an errand for Frigga.” Cocking my head, I smiled and waved bye as she nodded before we parted. I caught Fandral’s glance as I passed and grinned, earning one in return. Every time we looked at each other, I felt the secret dance in the air between us. It made me more paranoid and guilty than anything. Sitting on a bench, I packed up my bag and made my way to meet Loki. I'd kept his book for too long but it seldom bothered him as I always was careful over the years.

           Daydreaming, I watched the sky while I walked toward the trees and water I liked to sit by and read most days. You couldn't paint a better scene than this. Passing the largest willow tree that I enjoyed climbing, I peered around for Loki. His mood this week raised some eyebrows. More quiet than usual. I'd told him I’d meet him here on his way back from the marketplace. _Where is he_? I waited, glancing at the forest before I caught sight of someone lying in a small pond a ways away.  _Loki_? Tilting my head, I drew closer and my heart stopped.  _Please no._  

            “Loki!?” My heart leapt into my throat and I was running toward his body. The prince was just sitting in the water; face pale and lips blue. Horrified, I pulled myself together a little. “Loki!?” I panicked, pulling his completely slack form out and into my arms. I tried to find a pulse, tried to find any sign of breath but I was shaking so badly and he was not moving, green eyes closed.  _No, please no_ … Realizing that I was already crying, I tilted his head up and bent over, ready to breathe some air into his mouth.

            “ _Good to know who my true friends are_ ,” came an airy whisper against my lips and I froze, my mouth barely an inch from his. My jaw dropped and I flew backwards when he sat up in the grass, light moving over him as the illusion broke and he looked to be his normal, pristine self. 

               “You... That was...? I…I…” I had my hand over my pounding heart. It wasn't often he played such tricks on me.

               “Did you really believe I was dead? I’ve gotten better at this.” He chuckled with no weight on his shoulders. Usually, the sound sends my heart all a flutter. Today, it only invoked my ire. "You see, it's this new-"

               “You think…that this is  _funny_?” I seethed, appalled as tears still fell from my eyes. I thought one of my closest friends had died.  _No_. I thought the man I  _loved_  had died and he was  _laughing_  at me. Oh hell, I loved him. No...No, I didn't. Seeing Loki like that brought all my feelings to the surface. _Oh._ I wanted to wring his skinny neck. 

              “I could not help myself,” he looked amused and I broke. “I have not pulled this on you and I needed to practice-”

            “You think that this is  _funny_ , Loki?!” I yelled, hating how I sounded when I was upset and his amusement faded. “I thought you died! For a moment, I thought…you were gone…  _You were gone_. I thought you’d left me… _us_. Oh gods, I cannot believe you. I should have known. I know you. I do. Gods be damned! I really should have known but…but for you to pull something like this?! How could you? How could you do this?! It’s  _awful_!” I screamed, standing to march away, every emotion from the past week flooding back.  _Drowning. Of all the ways…_  A painful childhood memory entered my brain and I shoved it away.

            “Why are you so upset?” He was on his feet quick and I spun on my heel.

            “You  _honestly_  don’t get it?!” I cried. “You pull some funny pranks but every so often you do something so…just  _nasty,_  I cannot even begin to tell where the hell it comes from but this was  _sick_. It was not funny. It’s hurtful. It’s terrible. I…You were gone. You let me think you were gone.  _Just awful_! You have no idea what’s been going on and you haven't been keen to talk to me these days…and for you to just do  _this_ ,” I pulled my fist back, I wanted to strike the crowned Prince of Asgard. I wanted to strike my dear friend. Loki didn’t move, eyes pointed on me and I froze, fist still ready to surge forward but I just stood there, shaking. I loved this man, I was so angry. I loved the Prince and I loved my friend and I hated it. More hot tears welled up and I shook my head, they began to fall as I lowered my clenched hand. “ _Leave me alone_ ,” I yanked my bag off and pulled his book from it, shoving it at his chest.

            “It was just a simple jest. Look, I did not think it would harm you like that.” Loki grabbed my arm when I turned but I wheeled around and pushed him so hard, he fell back into the pond behind him as water and mud splashed everywhere. His expensive outfit soiled. My friend could have called guards to cut off my hands for that. Awe crossed his face as rage contorted mine, forcibly covering all traces of guilt when I snapped.

            “ _I hate you_!” Came my next scream, a sob cutting over it as Loki’s eyebrows quirked up, eyes going big. My words wrapped around my throat and choked me.  _I love you._ “ _Hate you…_ ” I shook my head and quickly paced away, my steps messy until I was running. Fandral was leaving the training grounds alone, smiling and waving at a friend as I made my path toward him once he was far enough away. He saw me and abruptly stopped, mouth opening to say my name as I rushed into his arms, sobbing now. My friend instantly embraced me, partially holding me up so I didn’t slip to the floor.

            “Shhh,” Fandral held me tighter, the back of his hand pressing my face into his chest, “come back home with me. How about you tell me every detail there?” Sniffling, I nodded and let him lead me off, his arm around me as I stumbled. Fandral lived on his own now in what I referred to as his bachelor residence, the fireplace warmed the living room as he seated me on a couch with far too many cushions. I had already started to tell him everything while he sat himself across from me, eyes wide after I’d finished. “How is it you feel now?”

            “Like I want to drown him in a pond for real.” I muttered, earning a slightly amused look as I tucked some messy hair behind my ear. "It was just...jarring and cruel. What's been his problem lately?"

            “You thought our friend was mortally wounded, it shocked you. You just care...deeply so.” Fandral sat back and I shook my head.

           “You’re way off here. He's infuriating me right now,” I denied it, having left my true feelings out when I told the story. Tilting his head, his face went a little serious while I exhaled, relaxing finally.

            “Do you feel the need to wound yourself?”

            “Now? No. I'm extremely hurt and angry. I'd never do it over something...like that.”

            “If you do later-”

            “I’ll come to you and wake you from your bed with whatever person you’re sharing it with at the time,” I chuckled dryly.

            “What are friends for?” He grinned, nodding. “How has  _that_ …been the past few weeks?”

            “I haven’t…” I spoke. “I’m trying…to find the will in myself to just not do it. I know that I’ll likely fall backwards but…maybe one day I’ll just stop.”

            “I am here for you.”

            “Yes, you are. And I’m grateful for you. I’ve always been very grateful for you.”

            “You are my sweetest lady,” Fandral shrugged and I beamed so he went on. It shocked people that we were so close, considering Fandral's reputation. “Do you have feelings for Loki?” Now, that jarred me.

            “What?  _Ha_. I cannot. No… There isn’t a chance in hell. This is not something that will ever play out.” I shook my head, though he didn’t look convinced. “Even if I did, they’d fade and that would be that. We’re just close friends, he’s a prince and I live in the villages. Where is this coming from? He hurt me.”

            “I am sorry, I'm not saying this anger isn't justified. What he did was foul, I just… You and Loki both are...going through somewhat of a strange time. Both seem reserved and, forgive me, I've wondered. Are you really so certain about those feelings?” Fandral watched me smile fully.

            “That is what I will tell myself.”

** ** **

            Loki tried approaching me days later, but I turned around and walked off.

            He tried to corner me again in the marketplace but I brushed past him.

            Once more, he tried but again I shook my head and went the opposite direction.

             _Not now, Loki._

            Over two weeks later, I sat under my favorite tree alone, in need of a break as I watched the wind rustle the tree branches above me. I didn't want to be home today. Not ever most days with my parents prodding so at me. Yawning, I fought the enticing pull of sleep from my tired eyes. “Hm…” Instead, I smiled, watching the leaves dance as a few floated down and landed on the book in my lap. Leaning back, I got comfortable and continued to read, my body already tired not long after. So when I closed my eyes to rest, my mind slipped away as the book fell forward into my stomach.

            When I came to, I realized slowly that my head was on something firm but still soft. I covered my face with my hand to rub the sleep from my eyes, moving strands of hair away.  _Ugh, why did I let myself nap? How long was I out?_  

            “ _Morning_.” A voice spoke and I jolted awake, turning my head to see Loki’s calm expression before I realized my head was in his lap.

            “ _What_?” I snapped up, my cheeks bright red. “What are you doing here?”

            “Reading.”

            “No…I mean…how was I? Why did I…? What are you…?”

            “You fell asleep  _alone_  and outside. I was in need of a place to read and this is always our spot. So, I decided to ensure no one bothered you while I enjoyed the weather. I do have a  _royal duty_  to my people.” Loki’s words warranted a glare from me.

            “So, you put me in your lap?” I growled.      

            “No, I was simply next to you and you got into it  _all on your very own_  an hour ago. It was actually rather  _touching_.” Something about his words cut into me and I flashed a tight smile. What was his problem this month?

            “Yeah? Go to hell, my prince.” I was sweet.

            “Perhaps someday.” Loki stared back at me, no trace lie before I said something else, my jaw clenched.

            “I was on your lap the  _whole time_ , why didn’t you wake me?”

            “What reason would I have to wake you? You looked legitimately peaceful. For once.” Loki shrugged. “And you were not in my lap the whole time,” I let out a breath of relief. “You started off on my shoulder.”  _No_ … I'd huffed while I gave him a look of irritation.

            “Yes,  _well_ , it was an accident,” I was bright red,  _stop it_ , I had to scold myself.

            “I like this,” Loki chuckled.

            “What?” I wanted to get up and leave but couldn’t bring myself to.

            “I finally got you to speak to me for an extended period of time without issue.” Loki smirked like he’d won a prize, looking down when he folded his book shut.

            “Don’t get used to it,” I picked up my bag.

            “Initially, I anticipated that I would get you to do it sooner but, I seem to underestimate when it comes to you,” Loki spoke idly, grabbing my wrist as I shifted to get up. “Enough, sit down, enjoy the view while it lasts before the rain starts.”

            “Loki, I’m not in the mood.” I'm never in the mood anymore.

            “Do you wish to discuss what occurred?” Loki blinked. "Those were my favorite pair of pants, you know."

            “I don’t want to talk about what happened with you. Alright? And I hope your pants rest well in Valhalla.”

            “They shall... We shall not discuss it.” Loki shrugged after I sat back, wondering why he was bothering with me now. “As I was saying, I figured you would come to me, but alas, no. We do not quarrel often but the breaking down and screaming that you hated me.”

            “Which I meant every word of.”

            “And I am  _certain_  you did.” Loki’s eyebrows quirked up and he looked entertained again while I crossed my arms. “Truth be told, you have looked a mess the past few months.”

            “Oh.  _Thanks_ ,” I spoke flatly, sarcastic. “Coming from you and the terrible  _pranks_  you’ve been pulling this year. You took it way too far. You can’t just-”

             "You believe that  _I_  took it too far?” Loki repeated, chuckling again.

            “Yes. Loki, you cannot-”

            “What?”

            “Look, just don’t do this to me. I can't.” I shook my head, trying to stand but he stopped me again. “Not now.”

            “Would you really just end our companionship for this? Why?”

            “Why did you pretend to end your life for a measly laugh?” I countered.

            “You were about to save me,” Loki mused instead. “Curious to save someone you suddenly hate.”

            “Of course, you are…you  _were_  my friend.”

            “And are we not friends still? You have been pulling away from everyone. I simply got your attention.”

            “You pulled long before me. We used to talk. We used to spend time together. ...What do you want?” I sat back, my posture slack as he watched me. “What do you want from me?” His answer shocked me and it took  _everything_  within me to remain indifferent.

            “Allow me know you once more.” Loki’s green eyes seared easily into my brown ones and my heart warmed but I shook my head after a silence that went on for eternity.

            “Goodbye, Loki.” I stood up. “I can’t do this right now.”

            “Then, I can and will wait.” My footsteps paused and I turned, hand grasping at my bag.

            “No, it’s too late. I don’t want to do this now. Or ever. I am tired.”

            “You are lying now.” Loki’s voice was lower and my gaze went cold. “There is no way that-”

            “Why can’t you just leave it alone?”

            “Have you ever known me to truthfully do that?” Loki smirked and I laughed dryly, shaking my head. “Tell me to wait. I will.”

            “Why would I need to tell you to do something I already know you’re going to do?”

            “Very good.” Loki smiled. “We still know each other rather well in some aspects.”

            “You just…never give up, do you?” I stated, no tone in my voice.

            “And I do not want you to give up on me.” Loki replied and I glanced down, shuffling back further. “This is clearly not because of my trick anymore. Why are you denying me?”

            “We’ve grown together with everyone else. I've known you and Thor since I was a child. We met right by this tree. I considered you one of my closest friends and I respect and care for you as a being in my life. We used to do things together. All of us. I really have…learned much from you and I even admire you to an extent.” I paused, our eyes locked onto each other. “But, on occasion, you also remind me of myself, and how  _destructive_  I really can be.”

            “All right.” He accepted.

            “All right?” I narrowed my gaze on his while he nodded as if what I said was fair.

            “I believe you heard me correctly. You’re right.”  _Wow_. Few Asgardians ever heard such words from Prince Loki. None at all in fact. His lips upturned before he picked up his book again and I turned around, leaving him there. Loki always knew how to surprise me, for better or worse.

** ** **

            The rain came the next day, falling lightly for hours along Asgard as I stayed on the training grounds. Sitting under some shelter, I sharpened my sword and dagger while I watched Thor duel Volstagg, both of them covered in mud. My sword was a gift from my father and much heavier than I liked. Soon I would be honored with his prized axe. I dreaded the moment. “Hello Hogun,” I smiled as he passed me to go out, a practice mace in hand. He gave me a nod before he went and Fandral came under the shelter not long after, sweeping his wet, blond hair back.

            “Have a good workout today, my friend?”

            “Not really, but my weapons are now in great shape,” I grinned, “though, Thor seems to be more into it than everyone else.” We watched the large warrior slide across the mud, sweeping his weapon out to trip Volstagg. Triumphant, he fell back into the muck while it splashed everywhere and I laughed finally, setting my sword away to work on a curved dagger.

            “He always is.” Fandral glanced at me as I scanned the field of warriors. “Just so you know…the man you’re looking for went inside when the rain began.”

            “Who?” Distractedly, I blinked and shook my head, turning my gaze to him as I continued with my blade mechanically.

            “Or should I say, the _prince_ you are looking for,” Fandral grinned cheekily and I rolled my eyes.

            “I’m not looking for him,” I defended, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why are you pushing this?”

            “You’re unhappy. You miss our friend. But, I’m sure  _pining_  is a better term then.”

            “ _Funny_. But, no,” I insisted, “I’m not  _pining_  for anyone. I’m still upset at him and I don’t plan on pining ever.”

            “My lady, I do not even need to see right through you to know the truth. No need to hide.”

            “There isn’t anything to admit to here,” I chuckled at him. “I’m already a mess, I don’t think pining over anyone would do me any good either way. Furthermore…Loki is actually the most aggravating man ever…next to you right now,” I smiled sweetly and Fandral laughed at me. “What proof do you even have?”

            “Well, for one…while we’re talking, you keep looking out to see if he’d come back. Talk to him. Let the water flood out.” Fandral grinned when my gaze snapped from the training grounds to him, my cheeks flushing. “Moreover…I’ve seen the way you look at him. The years are so long for us. I know what it looks like.”

            “Honestly, Fandral, I don’t know what’s gotten into you- _ow_!” I jolted when something cut into my tender forearm and realized I’d not been paying attention as my sharpened blade sliced into my flesh. Gasping, there was a moment when the beads of blood pricked up through my skin that I forgot where I was and the familiar feeling of relief washed over me.  _No_. Fandral snapped my name and yanked me from my daze when I dropped my things and he pulled my arm over to tape some gauze over the tiny cut.

            “Are you well?” Fandral worked quickly as he tried to find my gaze. “You look pale.”

            “I’m fine…just caught off-guard by my clumsiness,” I forced a chuckle. “It was an accident.”  _I think._

            “Yes, I saw,” Fandral nodded as if to reassure himself before I pulled away, touching the white tape. “Get a healing stone for that later.”

            “It’s fine. Thank you,” I pulled my rolled-up sleeves down and sheathed my blade next to my sword before standing to buckle them back around my waist. “I…think I’m done for the day.” I smiled quickly. “Need a walk.”

            “Are you certain? In the rain?”

            “Yes,” I swallowed, “I’ll see you later.” Waving, I moved to go before he could say anymore.  _What is wrong with me?_

** ** **

            The rain continued while I walked along the grounds, pulling my overcoat closer as it soaked my hair and clothing. My weapons clinked softly with each step when I passed a few people and paused, looking up at the gold of the palace. Crossing my arms, I kept walking and stopped to sit on a bench when no one was in sight. Frigga's garden colored the grounds around me. Exhaling, I closed my eyes and felt the softness from the rainfall against my skin as I clasped my hands together. I stayed there a moment and found some peace. When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t feel the rain anymore and looked up in question only to see the large, black umbrella Loki was holding over me.

            “What…are you doing here?” I spoke after we stared at each other a moment.

            “Am I not allowed to walk about the grounds of my own palace?” he countered and I raised an eyebrow at him. Loki glanced down at his black nails and was amused when I went on.

            “Do you have this unending need to not answer questions properly?”

            “When it pleases me.”

            “So, all the time?” I watched him smirk.

            “As long as it pleases me, so yes. All the time.” Loki’s green eyes trailed along my soaked form. “Come with me.” He was already turning as I stood.

            “Where?”

            “Inside.”

            “Why?”

            “Must you  _always_  question me?”

            “ _As long as it pleases me_ ,” I countered smartly, hearing him let out an amused breath.

            “Come,” Loki stated again. “Come with me…because I asked you to. How is that for an explanation?”

            “Pretty terrible,” I moved under the umbrella with him as he paced back toward the palace. “Where are we going?” I asked quietly once we gotten under the shelter and Loki closed the umbrella, waving his hand to make it disappear with ease.

            “You are completely soaked through and shaken,” my friend observed instead.

              “Yes, well, I’m a tough girl; I can handle a bit of rain, put on my own shoes, swing a sword, and everything now,” I offered sarcastically. Loki instead flicked his wrist and I gasped as my clothing and hair dried instantly.

             “There.”

            “I’d  _appreciate_  a little warning next time.” I attempted to tame my messy locks with my fingers before Loki came forward.

            “I am certain that you would,” he replied simply, plucking a leaf from my hair to toss aside. Smirking at my expression as my breath caught, Loki nodded for me to follow; which I did begrudgingly. “Still upset with me?”

            “Always.”

            “I see, well at least our relationship has some form of consistency this year.” Loki came upon the double doors for the library and I followed him inside to see the massive room empty for now.

            “I haven’t been in here in forever,” I paused. “Why did you bring me here?”

            “I simply wanted to see if I could get you to come inside with me and have a civil conversation,” Loki smiled and I rolled my eyes, inwardly groaning.

            “Well, if you’re done experimenting, maybe I should go.”

            “You’re already in here,” Loki shrugged, “what is there for you to do in the rain?”

            “I’ll just go train more, I could use it. They’re going to test me eventually and soon I’ll go to real war with the rest of you instead of such tedious battles within this province.” I turned to go but felt something shift on my side.

            “How would you train without your weapons?” Loki smirked wide as my sword and dagger made their way into his hands.

            “Give them back!”

            “No.” he challenged as I rushed forward and he lifted them up. Loki was a head taller than me with long arms that went on forever, so when I reached up, I had no chance. I yanked at his shoulder with little avail, jumping to grab them but Loki backed up and I came forward until our bodies pressed together against a pillar.

            “I’m not opposed to harming a royal prince,” I threatened, practically trying to climb him to reach up. My body was flush with curves and my weight had no effect on his lean frame.

            “Why such a heavy handed sword?” Loki mused, causing me to pause. “You don’t even enjoy it as much as you enjoy archery training. A lighter sword would suit you better either way.”

            “How do you know that?” I stopped completely, stepping back to face him. “I mean, you…you don’t know that for sure. I’m great with a sword.”

            “Yes, but your  _passion_  is not in it,” he countered and I furrowed my brow. Here was my friend again. “I’ve seen you. I know you. I know what you are like when you’re genuinely elated about something.”

            “Really? Hm,” I crossed my arms as he pulled the blade out a few inches to admire it. “My father gave me that. It is my destined weapon until he gifts me with his battleaxe. Like Volstagg and his own axe and Thor and his hammer.”

            “Have it your way then,” Loki took my hips and pulled me forward, causing me to freeze up as he caught my gaze and held it. Slowly, he buckled my weapons back around my hips; tugging the belt, Loki caused me to jerk forward and bump into him lightly, my breath ceased. “Your  _destined_  weapon. Interesting.”

            “Why’s that?” I found my voice when he stepped away and passed me to sort through a stack of books.

            “During spars, you look to simply be gaining and improving skills, the rage and heat and excitement is not always there. As if you are simply going through the motions of being a warrior. These are just skills to gain for you, not your life. Your future.”

            “ _I’ll get better_ ,” I persisted in the same desperate voice I’d used the many times I’d said this to my father. Realizing Loki was not even remotely close to him, I shook my head quickly. “I…mean,” he was staring so pointedly at me, “I am great with a sword. I am a great warrior but, I know I’ll never be like Hogun… With my skill, I’ll never be like Fandral or Thor. I had to pick friends in Asgard's greatest warriors. I'll never be Sif.”

            “Thank Valhalla for that,” Loki smirked and I relaxed some before he said something else. “What would you have to gain by being someone that you are not?” He paused before answering for me. “The approval of your father? He, who put the sword in your hand and said that it was your destiny?” I often loathed that the prince knew me and somehow knew the questions that kept me up at night.

            “You’re one…to talk about that. Prince Loki, pride of King Odin.” I offered softly and Loki’s expression barely twitched. “And I know, I know myself rather well. More than I’d like to perhaps. That need to be everything for everyone.” My laughter was soft and dry. “It’s probably already ripped me apart.”

            “Do you harbor more fear for being seen or for not being seen at all?” Loki spoke evenly, gaze fixed on mine and my hands clenched into fists for a moment before relaxing.

            “Someone seeing me.  _Really_  seeing me for all that I am. Those are the thoughts that make me smile instead with fear of my face cracking.” My confession caused Loki to search my eyes a moment.

            “Look at us, do you feel that again?”

            “Feel what?”

            “I believe that this is us bonding once more.” Loki looked smug and I chuckled, breathless as I shook my head at him. Approaching the table, I kept my arms crossed tightly and watched him gaze at me. “ I appreciate that your frustration doesn’t cloud you so. You still know yourself rather well.”

            “My self-awareness is a blessing and a curse.” I smiled, uncrossing my arms when I exhaled.

            “As your close friend, I can say that you are the most self-aware, yet completely  _agitating_  woman I’ve ever known.”

            “And you’re completely insufferable. This likely means we’re meant to be great friends or the opposite.” Appearing to like my reply, Loki leaned over the table.

            “I am quite certain that there is a third option.”

            “Which is?”

            “We shall see. Life is exciting that way.” Loki went back to the pile of large books in front of him, some appeared to be ancient. “Being as we are companions once more-”

            “I never said that.”

            “-what has been on that mind of yours lately?”

            “Just stressed and tired,” _not a complete lie_ , “trying to pull myself together. Worried about being judged by the Elder Council more so than the King. The usual. It’s just one of those months, you know, my friend pretends to die and I didn’t like it naturally.”

            “I find it endearing that you would have tried to revive me.”

            “So I could throttle you myself,” I smiled kindly and he chuckled at me.

            “Either way,” Loki paused, his tone changing. “You’re different.”

            “Am I?” I still smiled, light. “What about you?”

            “Me?”

            “Locking yourself into the library more often. True, I’ve not been very open but you show up only to enact nasty tricks.” I glanced down, looking back up at him. “You closed yourself off again and I…missed you. You barely spend twenty minutes on the training grounds. You've been keeping more to yourself. Something is almost… _missing_ from you these days.”

            “Missing?” Loki tilted his head, eyes beyond me. “I am a noble prince of Asgard and the most talented sorcerer in the realm. A son of the great Allfather King Odin and Queen Frigga. Everything I could possibly desire is at my disposal. Surely, this is all I have ever wanted and needed. Right?” 

            “True, but whether you believe that or not might have an effect.” I paused, idly rounding the table to approach him. “And do you believe that, Loki?” He stepped closer until our bodies almost brushed together.

            “That is what I will tell myself.” The familiar words invaded every fiber of my being. Loki looked down at me and tilted his head while my eyes traced down his face. I felt the back of his hand graze mine and had to stop myself from taking his. We stared at each other and my brow furrowed when one of his fingers trailed a line down mine. My lips parted and still, Loki’s unnaturally bright green eyes stared holes into me. Our moment ended suddenly when the door opened before I took a full step away from him.

            “Loki,” Thor barged in, one hand wrapped around his wrist and I spotted a burn singed across his knuckles. Mud still covered parts of him but it looked like he’d cleaned up somewhat.

            “ _Again_? Really, brother? I figured you had finally gotten used to Mjolnir. That shall teach me to overestimate you.” Loki smiled charmingly and Thor shot him a flat look. “Too embarrassed to go to the healers again with mother there to shake her head at you?”

            “Loki…” Thor grumbled. “ _No_. This was closer and I figured you would be here. You’re also in good company.” He smiled at me in greeting, which I returned.

            “No, it is not closer,” Loki mused, “but I suppose I have to assist the _future king_  in holding his pride together. It’s what I live for.” I glanced at Loki for a moment in realization before I looked to Thor again. “Come and sit down by the window I suppose, brother.” Thor beamed and I followed Loki over as he sat with his brother following. “What would you do without me?”

            “Be sitting in front of the healing room, earning that classic disapproving look from mother.”

            “Yes, well, you think about that next time you do this,” Loki took Thor’s wrist and glanced at me as I watched carefully. “Come here.”

            “Hm?” I tilted my head but Loki waved me over to sit next to him.

            “I’ll teach you to use a healing stone properly,” Loki smirked when Thor shot him a look.

            “I could have gone to get a healing stone myself, I came to you because your spell is swift and painless.”

            “Future king not in the mood for a bit of pain?” Loki smirked and Thor growled. “This is punishment for getting burned for the fourth time this month.” Thor sat there like a big kid while Loki looked at me and went on. “Have you ever used one?”

            “No, I’ve seen it done a few times.” I watched him conjure one easily before motioning for me to sit between him and Thor. “Sorry, Thor,” I whispered and he looked entertained.

            “Whatever gets rid of this I suppose,” he offered before Loki went on.

            “Healing stones are not exactly tricky, nor do they require any real amount of magic. Anyone with a brain here can use them, which is why my brother came to me.” Thor paused before Loki’s words dawned on him.

            “Wait, I-!”

            “Can you not see that I am instructing, brother?” Loki put the healing stone in my hand. “As I was saying, any Asgardian has the power to create and use them. For this burn, you are going to want to crush it in your hand and rub it into the wound.”

            “That’s it?” I shifted before Loki nodded.

            “Try now.” They both watched me hesitate before I glanced up at Thor and he nodded.

            “I trust you far more than I do him,” Thor’s words caused Loki to smirk behind me.

            “So he does have a brain,” Loki muttered while I began to crush the stone, powder and light falling through my fingers. Thor winced just a bit when I took his wrist and did as Loki said. He tensed so I paused a second. “Go on,” Loki coaxed as I swallowed, continuing as a soft glow engulfed the wound when it faded. Thor flexed his fingers before he nodded slowly.

            “You are a natural,” Thor grinned wide after I did. Sure the buildup was exciting. Sure the relief was fulfilling. But, watching a wound heal was truly  _comforting_. Glancing at Loki, he gave me a nod of approval and I beamed.

            “Try not to let this happen again, yes?” Loki gave his brother a smug look as Thor stood. “I’d rather not do this twenty more times.”

            “When I am King, you will not have much of a choice, brother,” Thor crossed his arms as Loki stood.

            “When you are King, I will be cleaning up your messes and, to be honest, if this is still happening by the time you become King, I fear for Asgard.” Loki countered with ease as Thor chuckled, setting a hand on Loki’s shoulder.

            “Until then, you have my thanks,” Thor looked to me with that beautiful smile, “you more so than him.”

            “Not a problem, Thor,” I giggled to suppress a swoon, swaying when he nodded, turning to go.

            “Learn to use Mjolnir without burning yourself.” Loki piped up.

            “Learn to control your use of tricks around the palace. Father is still furious after the last one made the elders go into fasting.”

            “That was half your fault and I truly cannot help myself,” Loki called as Thor chuckled and left us before he looked back at me, still seated.

            “You two never quit,” I sat back, bracing myself on my hands. “Did you teach me that to bother Thor?”

            “It worked, did it not?”

            “I suppose so,” I crossed my arms, happiness etched around my insides as I got up and stood there a moment. “I liked that…”

            “Hm.”

            “Healing him, I…liked it a lot.” I paused, watching him. “How is it you feel when you do magic?”

            “Powerful. Natural. Like I am in control of the situation.”

            “Even when you know you’re not?”

            “Even when I know that I am not,” Loki nodded, moving a stack of parchment aside. “Magic just came with ease to me.”

            “But, all Asgardians have the capacity to do it?”

            “Yes, some much more so than others. Though it is not popular, considering our society values who can swing their weapon faster. It’s a tool of science and art. The way I use it…bothers them.”

            “For what it is worth, I enjoy watching you and the Queen use it,” I offered and Loki’s lip curled up at me.  _Be brave now._  “Would you…ever consider teaching someone as your mother taught you?”

            “Gods, no, I would not have the time or patience for that.” The words were so quick. So easy.

            “Oh…” I shrugged, forcibly nonchalant. “Just wondering. Is illusion magic still your preferred skill?”

            “All of these questions suddenly,” he teased.

            “Well, we’re trying to bond again so,” I shrugged, “about my question?”

            “Illusion magic was where most of my interest dwelled, yes. I consider it my best as well. But, I spend so many hours devouring spell tomes, my skills have more than evened out by now,” Loki glanced at me. “Why the interest in the subject?”

            “Not used to anyone taking interest in it?”

            “No,” he replied pointedly, glancing at the clock behind me. “Dinner is soon.” I looked outside and realized the sky had turned a darker color.

            “Oh…I should go then,” I spoke.

            “No, you are actually not leaving for a while longer.”

            “And why is that?” I watched him turn to me.

            “You are coming to dinner.”

            “…Why?”

            “I have just invited you.” Loki smirked. “Was that not clear?”

            “No…” I shook my head at him.

            “Well, you are invited to dinner,” he went on in jest, “mind you, that it is rude to refuse a royal’s invitation.”

            “Are you threatening me to get me to come to dinner?” I raised an almost amused eyebrow.

            “I am very  _gently_  persuading you,” Loki tilted his head and I scoffed.

            “Well, I can’t, so you best walk me out.” I watched his smirk widen instead and furrowed my brow.

            “Fine, come with me,” Loki began to lead me out, “are you certain that you do not wish to attend?” _Of course,_   _I want to go. Please, let me stay. I don’t want to go home_ , my thoughts begged.

            “I really shouldn’t,” I replied, glancing at him as we paced down another hallway before he paused when someone walked toward us from a connecting one.

            “Mother,” Loki addressed the Queen as she grinned and I bowed deeply to her.

            “How many times have I told you not to do that to me, dear?”

            “Many times, your majesty. Forgive me.”

            “ _Frigga_ ,” she corrected, as she often did.  “Are you on your way out?”

            “No, she is joining us for dinner tonight,” Loki answered quickly and I inwardly groaned when he looked smug again. _Damn him_.

            “Really? Wonderful, I shall ensure there is a place for you at the table,” Frigga smiled at me and touched Loki’s shoulder.

            “Forgive me…I have nothing to wear,” I tugged at my shirt, nerves kicking in to dance.

            “I can have something sent to Loki’s room in a few minutes. Loki, ensure she is comfortable and be respectful to our guest during the meal.”

            “Certainly, mother,” Loki grinned like the little snake that he was and I shot him a glare when Frigga turned.

            “See you both soon.” The Queen walked down another hallway and I pushed Loki when she was out of sight.

            “Using your sweet mother against me, are you serious?” I laughed while he took my arm and pulled me off.

            “I can be very  _persuasive_ ,” Loki walked us through the many hallways to his chambers and I let out an agitated breath. “If this really makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to. I should not push but, I missed your company and I want to make it up to you.”

            “No, the court makes me nervous I suppose but I’d like to stay. I do love the court ladies, it's the Elders. Thank you. You’re really the worst though, you know that, right?” I grumbled as he pulled me into his room.

            “I am certain that you will enjoy your dinner with us,” Loki gave me a look of triumph. Glancing in the mirror, his clothing changed to something more suited for dinner before he straightened his collar. The prince’s eyes turned to me in the mirror as I stood behind him and I crossed my arms, shaking my head and earning a smirk.

            “Why are you suddenly inviting me for dinner?” I asked when he turned to face me.

            “I told you, I wish to make amends. Am I not allowed to have a friend over? You’ve stayed for dinner before.”

            “Years ago, when we were younger,” I laughed.

            “Yes, well, you have no need to be truly nervous, I’ll be there if one of our other guests decides to badger you,” he glanced toward the door when an attendant knocked before calling, “come in.”

            “Your highness,” the man bowed, holding something covered in fabric, “the Queen had this sent.”

            “On the bed,” Loki gestured, turning back to the mirror, “that will be all.” The servant bowed low, nodding before making his way out. “Let’s see what mother sent my guest to borrow,” he waved his hand and the fabric moved back as I peered over his shoulder. “My mother clearly adores you.”

            “She’s wonderful,” I spoke, eyeing the simple dress of dark teal with silver armlets around each sleeve and more silver designs along the hems along with a pair of shoes.  

            “Change into this in the other room,” Loki was already pressing the dress into my arms and I paused. “Do not make us late.”

            “I swear,” I huffed, taking the dress with me. “I let you drag me around,” in the bathroom, I quickly began changing as I complained, “you strut around with this  _charming, royal prince_  routine, but I see right through you. You’re one of the biggest pains and you love it. You just  _love_  toying with everyone, especially me,” I began slipping the dress on, “and you think you’re just hilarious too. Ugh…” I realized I couldn’t tie the back of the dress and exhaled, poking my head out of the bathroom door to see him, leaning against his desk as he listened to me, thoroughly amused.

            “Oh, did you need something?” Loki smirked and I matched it.

            “I am your guest and the Queen told you to be respectful,” I curled my finger at him to beckon him over. Loki raised an eyebrow but paced toward me as I turned. “Where was I?” I spoke while he began to tie up the dress with deft fingers.

            “ _I think I’m hilarious_ ,” the prince recited.

            “Yes! Right. And I know you, hiding behind that smirk of yours,” I went on and Loki chuckled softly behind me, “when in reality, your defenses likely match mine. All that avoiding questions and skimming over answers.  _Please_. I invented it.” I paused when Loki moved my hair to continue. My breath hitched at the touch. “I often wondered if some souls were just meant to be in each other’s lives. That might explain us. Such frustrated souls.”

            “Possibly but, you did have it correct earlier.” Loki finished and I turned, gazing up at him. “I do rather enjoy toying with you.” Rolling my eyes, I glanced away when a smile tugged at my lips. “I believe you enjoy it at times as well.”

            “I’ll not admit to that,  _my prince_ ,” I paused, thinking for a moment. “Does this sudden need for nasty tricks have to do with Thor?”

            “Nothing I ever enact has to do with Thor,” Loki insisted and I decided it was one of the biggest lies I’d ever heard from him. He turned as I grabbed my shoes and put them on.

            “Loki…we all knew that he would be announced as the heir soon.”

            “He is the first-born, it only makes sense. It's never...bothered me.” Loki clasped his hands behind his back. “The damn sun shines for Thor, it was only a matter of time before father made it official to us. Though, it will still be a very long time before he is given the crown. I suppose the constant fussing over him now and reminder…upset me.” Standing, I approached and touched Loki’s shoulder. “I accepted it a long time ago and you know that.”

            “I do, we spoke about it,” I got him to turn and offered him a smile. “You’ll be Thor’s adviser, you two will practically rule together.”

            “No one in Asgard will see it that way.”

            “Frigga will,” I tried, “and so will I. And Thor. He wants you to his right up there because he loves you. For what it’s worth, I am sorry…that this is hard on you. Since we’re supposedly friends again,” I chuckled, “I am here for you and I want you to believe that.” Loki lowered his gaze a moment, shifting his stance before he narrowed his eyes.

            “What happened to your arm?” His words made me go cold before I replied quickly.

            “Oh, I was sharpening a blade and had a bit of an accident today,” I swallowed as he took my wrist and lifted my arm to get a look at the bandage. Without asking, he pulled the gauze away and hovered his hand over the cut. His skin was so pale against my darker olive tone. I didn’t speak as his hand glowed and the thin wound faded instantly. “Thank you.”

            “About what you stated, I am fine,” Loki’s eyes met mine again once he’d finished, hand still gripping my wrist. “Though, I do appreciate your sentiment.”

            “Good, because I meant it,” my lips curled up when I felt Loki’s thumb brush over my skin. “Truth be told, I’ve missed you these days… Try not to play dead anymore, it doesn’t end well.”

            “I shall take your words into consideration,” Loki caused me to freeze when his free hand brushed some curls behind my ear before he pulled away just as fast like he’d come back to himself. “Do not hide behind your pretty hair tonight.”

            “I’ll try,” I looked away when my cheeks heated while a familiar feeling swirled within the pit of my stomach. “Are you going to escort your guest to dinner,  _my prince_?”

            “I suppose, as the lady commands.”

** ** **

            “Where have you been?” My father’s unwelcoming stare bore into me when I walked in later. "Not on the training grounds, I gather."

            “Dinner,” I offered, setting my weapons away, I looked down at my clothing and missed the dress I borrowed. “Hi, mom,” I looked to her in the kitchen behind my angry father, she furrowed her brow with worry. When I tried to pass, my father pushed me enough to stumble backwards against the wall because I ignored him. “I’m not lying!”

            “Answer me properly,” he grabbed my jaw roughly and I jolted as his fingers dug into my skin. “Don’t look at your  _mother_  for help.”

            “Dear, please,” my mother was touching my father’s shoulder. “She-”

            “I was at the palace, they invited me for dinner, I had to stay!” I confessed quickly, his bruising touch loosened instantly and I stared at him wearily before I pressed myself into the wall. I wished I could disappear into it. His touch burned my lungs from the inside out.

            “The royals invited you to stay?” My mother was pulling my father back somewhat and I nodded. “That’s wonderful,” she tried to defuse the tension. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

            “Don’t you embarrass us, little girl,” was all my father warned before leaving me there, I could feel my face heating with a bruise. My father came back to kiss my cheek and touch my hair before he went outside. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I watched my mother give me her usual apologetic stare before she turned to go back into the kitchen.

            “We cannot stay like this,” I whispered but she hushed me quickly.

            “What have I told you?” She touched my shoulder. “You must pretend it does not bother you. Soon you will be out of here and off to a better life.” I knew my mother  _meant_  well. “Stay close to your royal friends. I think it could be good for you, darling.”

            “I’m sorry,” I offered, no idea why. “Mom, what if I said…that I wanted to try magic and healing?”

            “That’s nice, dear. Do not give your father reason to be upset,” she watched me sadly before I nodded. He never struck her. I was his forever target.

            “Yes, it wasn’t anything serious, just a random thought,” I shifted my feet and clasped my hands together. “I…I should go… Goodnight. I love you.”

          “I love you too.” Instantly, I made my way to my room, my pulse picking up as my stomach clenched and twisted. I stared at the floorboard with my tools under it for at least twenty minutes before I touched the bruise on my face. Pressing my fingers into it, I winced, deciding instead to get into bed and force myself into a restless sleep as I curled up toward the wall. _I’m sorry_   _I have no use anywhere_.

** ** **

            “Are you leaving soon?” Volstagg smiled at me late the next day as I set my weapons aside.

            “Yes, I have to return something to the palace library before I go back home,” I watched the warriors dwindle off after the long day of training as the sky turned orange. Tucking some hair behind my ear, Volstagg paused abruptly and spoke.

            “What happened to your face, my friend?” He asked, reaching out to touch me but stopping instantly when I flinched habitually. “Forgive me.”

            “No…No… I…this morning, I got hit with a staff,” I forced a chuckle, “I forgot all about it.” The right side of my jaw had bruised after last night, but my hair hid it most of the day.

            “Sit, I have something for that,” Volstagg sat after I did. I watched him curiously. “My youngest is always getting himself into trouble, harboring bruises from all the excitement with his little companions.” I smiled as he pulled a small container of ointment of his bag. “Being a father, you learn the necessary objects to carry around for the little one’s accidents.” Laughing, I watched him gesture for me to tilt my head. “This always does the trick.”

            “Thank you,” I allowed him to gently apply some to the purple mark. My heart warmed at his fatherly instincts, Volstagg was so great with children.

            “Should disappear within the next half hour,” he explained. “Take care of yourself.”

            “I’ll try,” I sat back when he put the container away. “Thank you again, you really didn’t have to.”

            “Nonsense, I look out for my friends, I don’t enjoy seeing wounds on that pretty face of yours.”

            “You’re sweet,” I grinned, “your wife and children are lucky. Haven’t seen them in a bit, say hello for me.”

            “I’m the lucky one, my dear,” Volstagg smiled. “If ever you lose anymore battles to staffs, come find me, and I’ll take care of it.”

            “Certainly,” I chuckled, nodding as he stood.

            “I owe it to you after you’ve watched my children on occasion. They can be a lot to handle.”

            “They’re just fine,” I insisted. “I’m just glad I can be of use to someone.” My joke caused him to pause once more, his protective instincts kicking in again.

            “Do you find yourself thinking that you are not useful to others?”

            “Oh…that came out…badly…” I fiddled with my fingers in my lap before standing to get my bag on. Volstagg touched my shoulder, causing me to still and glance up at him.

            “Foremost, you are far from useless, if that is a thought you believe,” he caught my gaze, “moreover, I believe it is also true that you’ve plenty use to yourself. Do not sell yourself so short. Beings like you, my dear, well I don’t think you know how important you are.” I furrowed my brow when his words caught me before I pressed my lips together and nodded.

            “Thank you…” I whispered, Volstagg really was a wonderful father and that always came through.

            “Take care of yourself, as I’ve said. I shall see you tomorrow.” The burly warrior turned but I spoke.

            “Volstagg?” He paused and was caught off-guard when I put my arms around his wide frame. I needed that badly.

            “Oh,” Volstagg chuckled before returning the embrace and I closed my eyes, pretending for a moment.

            “I mean it…Thank you,” I sniffled quickly, pulling from the warmth. “I should let you go.”

            “Remember what I said.”

            “I will,” I nodded, “I give you my word. Farewell for now.”

            “Till tomorrow.” Volstagg turned and I pulled myself together before heading to the palace alone.

** ** **

             _Why did I get so sucked into this?_

Still I watched Loki’s back as he waved his hand, books stacked themselves on the table before he rolled out some parchment to read. I’d returned my book as many healers came in and out the massive library. But, I heard something coming from the third floor and went up to see Loki practicing his magic. I just couldn’t help hiding behind a bookcase to watch, I was so enthralled. He seated himself to look over the parchment in front of him as I stayed seated on a counter, tilting my head to watch him.  _I should go_ , I thought without moving. I was far too fascinated to leave. Loki leaned back, flicking his wrist to make a tray with wine float over to him before he conjured two goblets.

            “You might as well come out, though I find the stray cat routine endearing.” I froze when Loki didn’t turn as the wine poured itself. “I have some for you too, come over already. I could pour you milk instead, felines enjoy milk, yes?” I rolled my eyes with a slight sound of irritation.

            “I was just returning a book,” I piped up, my cheeks heating.

            “You’ve been there at least twenty minutes.”

            “It’s a public part of the palace,” I defended, “I can sit here much longer.”

            “Well, come enjoy some wine,” Loki turned his head to grin at me as I came over.

            “I did not mean to interrupt you.”

            “Truth be told, I do not mind you for an audience,” the wine goblet slid toward me as he spoke, “what exactly are you doing?”

            “Nothing…”

            “Hm?” Loki’s eyebrow rose when I took a long drink of wine.

            “Watching…” I admitted, trying to sound as normal as possible.     

            “Watching what exactly,  _sweetheart_?” The sly, old nickname flooded everything back all at once.

            “…You do magic…and don’t call me that,” I crossed my arms, half joking. “It infuriates me.”

            “You’ve just named the reason I shall not stop,” he grinned, drinking before he licked his lips. “Just why are you watching me practice?”

            “I…like…to…” My eyes searched for an explanation. “I like magic…a lot.”

            “Go on.”

            “So I can boost your ego?” I tilted my head.

            “Let us just say that your interest piqued my interest.”

            “Well, I mean, I’ve always been fascinated by it and…you and Frigga are both so wildly talented, I…  _Don’t be smug_ ,” I shot him a look when his lip twitched up, “anyways, I don’t know, I saw you and couldn’t help it.”

            “Curious little feline today, are we?”

            “Very funny. I’ve never done magic, so I imagine it’s not in the cards for me.” I shrugged as he stared at me a moment.

            “You never know until you try. I am actually curious now as well,” Loki tilted his head before he stood. “Come here.” I got up then, pausing. “I’ve a simple test. We’re going to try something.”

            “Really? …You’re serious? You’re often secretive about all this.”

            “Clever girl, I am indeed serious, now sit there,” he pointed to the cushioned area by the window. Watching him, I did so, moving to sit with my legs crossed up on the seat. Without speaking, Loki moved behind me to sit and I realized I was now seated between his legs as he left one foot on the floor and the other leg pressed against mine.

            “What are you doing?” I stammered, my cheeks pink when his chest pushed against my back.

            “Sitting,” he went on, putting his hands on my shoulders. I prayed he couldn’t tell my pulse was speeding up. “Cup your hands in front of you.” Only able to nod, I did so. “I would like to test your capacity for magic, we’ll simply see if you can hold a simple trick.”

            “Like a lesson?” I teased.

            “No, merely a short test,” Loki mused. “You have made me wonder about it and now I have to see.” Moving forward, his hands cupped underneath mine and I was pretty sure he felt me shaking. “Oh.” He quickly shifted to sweep my hair over one shoulder before getting back into place with his lips near my ear. “Is the clever girl nervous now?”

            “ _No_!” I persisted, “what…are we going to do?”

            “I am going to create a little spell of sorts and we shall see if you can hold it. It is simple, you’ll basically be holding a tuft of magic and there is no need for a spell tome. Just focus on what you are trying to achieve and the rest will follow.”

            “Loki…” I gave a look of worry as his hands glowed.

            “It is under control,” he replied carefully. A sensation engulfed my hands as he created what appeared to be a small green flame, flickering above our fingers. I could feel my hands tingle while I watched the flame, drawn into it. “Will your mind to keep the energy from fading. You are in control. It is your magic. Concentrate and tap into your own power.” Furrowing my brow, I exhaled and did as he insisted, putting all my thought into holding it.  _Keep it together_. I closed my eyes then opened them; licking my lips, I felt something flow down my arms. When Loki’s hands shifted away, I tensed.

            “ _Wait_ ,” I squeaked and he chuckled softly in my ear.

            “Just concentrate. Can you feel the power in your hands?”

            “Yes.” I breathed.

            “Relax now and will it to do as you wish.” Again, he lowered his hands to his knees.  I sat mesmerized by the green light as it flickered but didn’t dissipate. My fingertips tingled and I felt it, the entire sensation flowing out from my spine and washing over my body.

            “Am I…?”

            “You are.” Loki touched my shoulders. “See. Any being here can create some form of magic, the smaller tricks are never truly difficult.” Dazed, my hands circled the little flame. Somehow I was comforted by it, peace washing over me now. “Sorcery takes the entire body and mind, your whole being must be locked into it. You should feel it,” Loki ran his hands down my neck and spine before I inhaled sharply, “all through here,” one broad hand touched my leg idly while the other slid just under my collar where my heart was, “you should feel it here, radiating.”  _Gods, I did_. He held me for a moment and I wanted to close my eyes and lean more into him, but didn’t. _Focus_. As his hands touched me, I let out a shaken breath when his head nudged into mine. “Congratulations, apparently you can use magic. I am rather impressed.”

            “I…wow…” I watched the flame as Loki’s hands slid down my arms again, back into place.

            “What are you feeling now?” He asked and I blinked.

            “It’s…comforting,” I mused softly. His hands cupped mine before he carefully closed them, the flame extinguishing with ease between our fingers. We stayed there a moment, frozen with his hands engulfing mine. “When…When you used magic for the first time…did you believe that it was for you?”

            “Yes, it has always had a way of bringing me to realizations when I was lost.” Loki didn’t move when I turned my head to gaze at him, our faces inches apart.

            “I really enjoy it, I think.”

            “I am glad…that you appreciate it.” His eyes flickered over my expression.

            “Loki…?

            “Hm?” He muttered distractedly and I summoned the courage.

            “Would…Would you consider teaching me…?” I watched him sit back, eyes going a little wide in surprise before he replied.

            “No, I cannot do that.” Loki thought for a moment while he watched me, slowly he drew close again and I stayed still. My dark eyes burned into his green ones as he leaned closer and studied me. Our lips were so close, I could have leaned in easily to capture his and for a moment I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. But, Loki appeared to come back to himself before he shook his head. “No, I cannot.” I moved when he stood up and went back to the table, our moment ended so swift and violent.

            “Why?” I followed instantly. “I think I might have something here.”

            “You are simply enamored by it, but that will fade.” There was a moment when he looked at me and I realized neither of us were just referring to the magic anymore.

            “What if it doesn’t?” I got in front of him, forcing him to gaze at me. “What if I do go on feeling like this with no end ahead? I’m serious…when I say that I’d _really_  want to learn. You know me. You know how hard I would work. Let me prove that I want this. Loki, please, just… _think_  about it. All my life, I've tried to do better and it was never...good enough for anyone. But this, this could be for me. Just for me. What you felt, I understand it. Magic could be for me. I see it clear now and I want you to show me how. You.”

            “Alright, if it does happen, it will not be in the near future but…I will consider it.” Loki paused, his eyes trying to fathom my request. “Do not dwell on it.”

            “I don’t know if I’ll be able to help it,” I watched his lip curl up. “I don’t think it will fade. You just wait.”

            “We shall see then.”

** ** **

            “Fandral!” I called, knocking on his door an hour later. He appeared quick and I spoke, “are you alone?”

            “Yes, are you-?”

            “Good, come with me,” I grabbed his wrist and pulled him along, barely giving him time to shut the door.

            “Where are you taking me? The last time a maiden did this, it ended badly when her upset father got involved.”

            “Just follow me,” I smiled a bit, “I have to do this before I lose my nerve.”

            “Sweet lady, be gentle with me,” Fandral laughed as I tugged him along through the town. I neared the water and pulled him toward the somewhat desolate bridge as a river rushed under it. “What are we doing here?”

            “I…” Slowly, I pulled my box from my cloak. “I thought that…maybe I could…” Fandral looked at me, understanding before he covered my hands with his.

            “I am truly proud of you.”

            “I’m not going to stop just yet, and I know that. Nothing truly ends. But, perhaps not having my security blanket will lessen the attachment, if only a little.”

            “You are doing the right thing,” Fandral watched me turn and look over the edge at the water. Breathing softer, I stood there a minute, before purposefully holding the box over the water below.  _I can do this_. I stayed there another long moment, frozen.

            “I never thought I would end up here… I guess you can say that I’m turning over a new leaf and allowing myself to… _well_ …be myself for once. Deciding what is truly important. I suppose it all starts now…” Furrowing my brow, I stood there for another minute, the wind flowing through my hair. My hands shook but I summoned the nerve and  _finally_  let go. A splash followed and I closed my eyes when my vision blurred. Fandral touched my shoulder, offering me some comfort and I nodded. “What…do I do for now?”

            “Enjoy it?” He stated after a beat of silence and I smiled slightly, nodding once more.

            “Sounds fine.”

** ** **

            “You in the mood to spar me? I need practice with my dagger and you know small knives. My sword has thoroughly annoyed me.” I clasped my hands behind my back until Loki shrugged, ceasing his practice with throwing knives at targets. Other warriors trained and sparred a ways behind us.

            “You seem…contented.”

            “I am for now,” I paused, “this is the longest I’ve seen you on the training grounds in a while.”

            “It seems that we are both making progress.”

            “I should also let you know that it’s been a day since I asked and my need has not faded,” I smirked before he did. “In fact, I only want to learn more now.”

            “And so it begins, yes?”

            “Certainly,  _my prince_ ,” I replied, pulling my dagger from the sheath while I turned around. “Time will tell.”

            “Yes, it will. While, I have not agreed to anything yet, how about you practice your patience?”

            “Sounds fair,” I offered, watching him take a defensive stance when I looked up again, dagger in hand. “Are you ready?”

            “Almost,” Loki spoke before someone reached around me and wrapped their fingers around my neck firmly. “Ready.” Gasping, I paused when a dagger was pointed at me and Loki chuckled behind me as the replica in front of me smirked and dissipated.  _How in the name of Valhalla…?_

            “You’re cheating,” I breathed, feeling him exhale on my neck.

            “No, no, not cheating. Just putting my skills to good use.” Loki was smug and I resisted the urge to elbow him as he held a dagger at my neck. “First lesson,” he whispered into my ear, “see through the illusions.”

            “Oh… All right,” I replied shortly when he back away from me and sheathed his dagger. Loki chuckled when I faced him, crossing his arms and I glared. The second he glanced elsewhere, I pulled a staff from the rack next to me and swiped it into his legs. Catching him off-guard for once, it caused him to fall backwards with a thud against the ground. Loki groaned as I smiled sweeter and crouched over him, staff in hand. “That was for letting me think you died.” I touched the staff to his chin, tilting it up. A grin split his lips.

            “Have you been truly waiting to get back at me all this time?”

            “Yes, I have,” I nodded instantly.

            “I cannot say I’m not impressed with you,” he gazed at me, amusement in his eyes.

            “First lesson,” I’d leaned closer toward his ear before pulling back to meet his gaze. Loki’s green eyes trailed down my face before his lip curled upward again. “I’m stronger than I look.”

            “Yes. You certainly are,  _sweetheart_ ,” he hissed lighter, chuckling at my expression.

            “One day, I’ll get you to stop that.” I touched my forehead to add some drama.

            “I believe you secretly enjoy it, among other things,” he sat up as I stood.

            “Are we going to fight for real now?- _oh_!” I felt his leg catch mine before I tumbled backwards, knocking some air out of me as my legs draped across his own.

            “Yes, I am ready,” Loki stood, offering me his hand simply with a tilt of his head. Not able to help it, I smiled fuller, my world shifting completely when I took it. I watched Loki a moment, pulling my dagger back out when he did the same. Exhaling, our eyes locked before I spoke, my smirk matching his. _I loved him_.

            “Your move,  _my prince_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading. Posting this story is terrifying for me but, I just want to get it out. Stay tuned for the next prompt. It's weird to see my early prompts bc they're actually written out of order until I get closer to the first Thor movie. The Lady and Loki kind of start as dumb warriors and longtime friends and go through a honeymoon phase that ends because they both have a lot to learn about being in a solid relationship and I wanted to realistically portray two flawed people who very much love each other but have growing to do on both sides. Either way, thank you for starting this and I hope I keep you because this story genuinely gets wild and I'm the author. Like, I said, it's all completed, I just need to clean them up and post. Oy vey.


	2. Setting the Chess Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is about firsts. First kisses. First battles. First defiance against parents. It's about growth and The Lady's struggle at home and in her group of talented friends. We've all been there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny bc I actually wrote this prompt while I was already writing the movies, but I wanted to go back and do another early/build up prompt because I love them. Characters I introduced later show up here for first meetings. Major Warning for Abuse and Neglect at home. Many of the events transpired in my actual life. I wish I'd handled them better. If you're suffering, you're not alone. I'm here and so are you. :)

           “How much longer?”

 

           “Two hours,” my stomach shuddered uneasily before I sighed, eyes out the window above the sink. My mother touched my back and smiled for me.

           “Nervous?”

           “No,” I shrugged and forced a chuckle before I added, “a little.”

           “My little girl, growing up so fast.”

           “I don’t even know if I’ll be added.”

           “Nonsense, Asgard needs all the warriors they can gather and you’ve been training well for months.” She coaxed.

           “I might be gone a few weeks if I go. They say those crusaders have high numbers. Heimdall reported yesterday that they refused the diplomat groups we sent to smooth things over. They’re growing closer to the mountains.”

           “They won’t get far when the King sends our warriors.” My mother picked up a few dishes from the table and returned to my side when I rubbed my hands together and watched the thick snow fall outside.

           “Do you miss it?” I asked softly and she shrugged.

           “No, I enjoy what I do now. I just want to see you get out there,” she kissed my cheek and I shifted away from her after a moment. My father stepped out into the main room when I resumed packing my things.

           “I should go soon and prepare.”

           “Who have they paired you with?” My father drew toward me and I straighten up.

           “I don’t know, they’re pairing us all at random to assess us.”

           “We’ll know when we arrive,” he touched my back and I went rigid.

           “ _We_?” I tried not to frown. “Oh. I thought…you couldn’t come.”

           “I wanted to surprise you,” he squeezed my shoulder and pressed his lips to my head, lingering against me for longer than I liked. My blood ran cold before he picked up a heavy axe and pressed it into my hands. “I wish to see the progress my little girl has made with my old weapon. You have been practicing with it, haven’t you?”

           “Yes.” I lied. “Every day.” The weapon felt heavier in my hands than it ever had. My father was rubbing my back and his touch burned into the marrow of my bones.

           “You will carry the axe that was mine and carry my name with you.” He took my shoulders to make me face him. “You’ll make me proud.” I stared at his chest until his fingers touched under the axe’s gleaming blade to bring it under my chin and lift my gaze to meet his face.

           “All I want is to make you proud,” my fists turned white around the axe’s long handle and he kept rubbing my shoulder and touching my hair. He leaned in to kiss the corner of my lips before I turned hastily to finish with my things.

           “We don’t want her to be late,” my mother piped up before my father could speak. She’d twisted a dishrag tightly into her paled hands. 

           “I should go warm up and meet the others.” I swallowed and slung my bag over my shoulder.

           “Yes, of course,” my father smiled and touched my jaw when I turned to look back at him. “Prince Thor will be there with our King. Ensure you look nice.” His fingers slipped down to tug the collar of my shirt into place and effectively opened the top two buttons. I pulled from him and hummed in response as I passed my mother to jet out the door. With haste, I ruefully buttoned my shirt once more and hurried on the path toward palace grounds. After hopping onto the back of a free carriage with a few other warriors, I peeked inside my bag at the hidden light sword I’d been practicing with and blinked back tears. My cloak provided little comfort to me from this cold.

           The damn axe was laughing at me.

** ** *

           I spent time stretching and trying quickly to get to know this cursed weapon again. It was heavy and awkward in my shaken hands. I had to figure a way to use its weight to my advantage or I was going to fail. Behind me, other warriors prepared before King Odin, a few Elders from the high council, and high ranking generals came out to greet them individually. Fandral appeared and a bit of relief filled me at the sight of a familiar face. He noticed the axe immediately.

           “What are you playing at?” He asked before I could get words out.

           “We have a problem,” I hissed and he came closer. “My father is coming.”

           “You assured me-”

           “I know. I didn’t think he would.” I tried not to panic. “I’ve been dragging this glorified paper weight of a weapon to training every day, only to practice with the lighter sword you all gifted to me on my Name Day and I thought-”

           “No, I did not think he’d come either,” Fandral touched his head. “How well are you with this?”

           “I know the basics but, Fandral, I’ve been training with a  _sword_ … I’m just more comfortable with it now. Dearest father presented me with his starter sword ages ago and then you all gave me that amazing blade on my Name Day but then he gave me… _this_.”

           “Then use it.”

            _Oh, Fandral._  He said those words with such ease, the dark secret in my heart about lunged forward with me barely able to stop it.

           “I  _can’t_ , he’ll know,” I instead muttered heatedly and he sighed.

           “It’ll be fine.”

           “ _How_?” I watched Fandral straighten up and look behind me before I turned to see the King approach. Instantly, I bowed low and tried to remain composed; an exhale put my face in a neutral expression.

           “You may rise.” His smile was soft. “I must say, I’m glad to finally see you here. It’s long overdue.”

           “Thank you, your majesty.” I nodded. Elder Calder took a thin, glass pad out and scrolled to my holographic file before he read my name and house.

           “Your mother and father have both retired from the warrior life, yes?” He asked and I nodded, voice puffing against the cold air around me.

           “Yes, my lord.” My eyes darted around the group before I sealed my fate. “I’m wielding this axe in my father’s name.”

           “Don’t be so nervous, my dear,” Calder stepped forward. “No formalities, we’re not focused on who wins or loses. This is a basic assessment of your skills. I’m certain all here will make fine additions to our ranks. We’re mostly looking for all abled bodied men and women to go. I’m sure you’ve the right spirit.” Calder chuckled before he looked at his group and reached to take one of my long curls between his fingers. “Just look at this lovely hair. I’ll bet it shines blood red in the light.”

           “Some would also say fire,” I managed to joke and earned some smiles and nods. Calder let my hair slip through his fingers like slow spilling water and stared for a lingering moment before he turned.

           “Now as for today, we’ll call names in groups of four to six just to give some fair warning about who will be next. Wait in the areas below the seats until you and your partner are called again onto the field. Yes?”

           “Yes,” I nodded. “Thank you, my lords. My King.” I bowed again and Odin wished me well before leading his group off.

           “You got the Elders to crack a few smiles, which was promising. Calder likes you.”

           “He’s not even head of them. But, he is the kindest.” I shrugged at Fandral and he exhaled against the snow. “But, I have to say, why is it everyone wants to touch my hair?”

           “Because they find it…here it comes…your favorite word.”

           “Don’t you say it,” I tried not to smile. “I’m going to punch you.”

           “ _Exotic_ - _ow_!” Fandral rubbed his arm after I’d smacked it hard. “It’s terrible, I know. You're a curvy lady with big curls and a bigger heart, they all want a piece.”

           “If I knew how to use this axe, I’d plunge it into your belly.” I threatened and he chuckled before he tried to lift my spirits.

           “You’ll be fine. You adapt well to your surroundings and that will impress them. I’ll be up in the stands with the others and we’ll be rooting for you. Come next week, I expect you to be on the barge out of here with us.”

           “Easy for you to say, you all have been in the ranks for years it seems.” I grinned and he followed with a charming smile before he kissed my cheek.

           “For luck.” Fandral left me to prepare and warm up as best I could before names began to be called. I sat down for a moment and fell into my silent thoughts as I traced the sigil of my father’s house etched into the side of the battle-axe. When it didn’t burn itself into my flesh, I found my next breath. I could see his eyes staring up at me from the shining metal and turned my head away before I stood when my name was called. I joined my group under the coliseum where cheers echoed above as one warrior swiftly took down another. The warriors with me didn’t speak before I was called again up into the open. I stepped into the light while some attendants prepared the area for my spar. My partner stood with a double edged, heavy spear and a slight smile through the dark stubble growing on his face. Initially, I figured him for a lighter warrior but he was muscled and that spear wasn’t light at all upon closer inspection. It was shorter than others like it with wide blades and his fingers gripped to special handles in it.

           “Good luck,” I offered softly as we shook hands. He was much larger than I with dark brown hair and a rugged appearance.

           “You as well,” he nodded and we got into place. King Odin was speaking but my eyes drew to my friends seated in his vicinity. Sif turned to whisper to Fandral when they spotted my weapon before he shrugged and Thor commented on something to Loki next to him.  _Perfect_. They all knew why I looked so nervous now. Loki stared at my face and nodded as if to reassure me. When I pressed my lips, my eyes flickered down and away from them before I shifted my stance and bowed with my partner. Across from him, far in the back, the face of my father stared holes into me. I felt my body shrink down three sizes and shrivel up at that.

            _Make him proud. Or suffer consequences._

           “On three!” A voice called. “Two. One!” Instantly, my partner and I moved, rounding each other with sudden vigor. His spear swung and plunged forward before I smacked it aside with the blunt edge of my weapon. The added weight caused me to stumble so I dashed that way to avoid another hit. The spear was swinging in perfect circles as he drew closer again and I backed up.

           This was not good.

           Thrusting forward, I swung and forced him to jump backwards before we clashed together. Both my hands brought the handle out to absorb the harsh blow. We danced around each other like this until I took an opportunity to swing forward.  _Come on!_  He dodged and sent a hard kick into my long handle; the blade of my axe wedged suddenly between two stones. A loud clang rang over the audience’s calls.

            _Oh_.

           I pulled hard and it didn’t budge.

            _Oh no_.

           His spear swept down, forcing me away from my weapon. The audience whispered and gasped around me.  _Oh, hell._  Without the weight of the axe, I could freely move around him and landed a hard kick to his stomach. When he stumbled back, I grabbed onto the handle of my axe once more and tried to use my weight to pry it loose. _They will all laugh at me._ I kicked and hung there, swinging and a few people chuckled then amid the cheers. It didn’t even quiver and my partner lunged toward me so I held to the handle and brought my legs up, another kick sent him on his ass. When he jumped back up, I swiftly got atop the handle and balanced on it carefully before he plunged the blade forward toward my legs. I jumped clear over him and got low to kick his feet out from under him. The people cheered for me. He fell in a heap and I moved but paused instantly when I saw my father, standing and shaking his head at me before he walked out. Something paralyzed me and my partner sent me to the floor with his foot and got atop me to pin me down. My legs curled up and charged into his stomach, effectively throwing him over my body before I sprang up and shook the snow from my braided hair. He got up after a small groan and we rounded each other, the audience going ignored.

           My partner puffed a soft word against the snow and I had to read his lips to hear it properly.  _Nice_.

           He nodded once and I smirked some before nodding in return and he lunged forward again. I did this time as well and dodged under his arm to rip once more at my axe, kicking off from the wall now. This time, it pulled free in time to swing into his spear. Metal clashed and the vibrations shook up my arms before I spun around with the heavy weight and we collided again, forcing him to back up. The third time, I instead dodged his blow and hooked the blunt curve of my weapon around his ankle to trip him. With a thud, he moved to get up but my blade found his throat.

           It was over.

           Breathing heavily, we stared at each other as people clapped and I held my arm out. His eyes furrowed while they looked into mine and I wondered what had gone through his head. I could not tell if his face read as upset or not. But, he smiled, widely so, and took my offered hand to get up.

           “Not bad,” he’d said over the cheers and I nodded nervously.

           “Yes, you as well,” I paused as an Elder came toward us. “I never got your name, by the way.”

           “Oh?” He nodded and introduced himself. “Name’s Herlof. I’ve seen you around.”

           “Yes, nice to meet you.” I watched Elder Salma glance down at her pad.

           “It is decided that you both have demonstrated enough skill to join the ranks of warriors leaving. Collect a scroll from our royal courier on your way out for further instructions. Well done, both of you.”

           “Thank you, my lady,” I bowed and hurried off the field before my friends could leave fast enough. After being granted my scroll, I let out a breath as I walked along the side of the building and another fight began but a group caught up to me. Two arms heaved me from the floor and I about groaned.

           “Hello, Thor...” I huffed and he held me up like I weighed nothing, almost on his shoulder. When he spun, I began to laugh.

           “You win and get granted a place next to us and that’s all you say?” Thor set me down. “You were wonderful.”

           “That was so embarrassing. My weapon was stuck in the wall for most of my battle.” I countered and earned a few snickers.

           “Yes, but the point was to demonstrate yourself, whether everything goes right or wrong. You did that. With and without a… _ah_ …whatever  _that_  monstrosity is.” Loki gestured to the beastly axe in my hand as I picked up my bag and stuffed my scroll into it.

           “It’s called an axe, Prince Loki, I’m certain that even you could swing one if you tried,” Fandral joked lightly.

           “ _Dearest_  Fandral, I could swing you over the palace with more ease,” Loki replied in a smooth tone.

           “I’ve learned the hard way not to make jabs at my brother during the winter,” Thor nudged Fandral’s side.

           “Your parents will be proud of you,” Volstagg added with Hogun nodding at his side.

           “You’ll join us next week, finally we all can go together.”

           “ _Er_ , yeah, I suppose.” I smiled.

           “She’s in shock, give her some air, you lot,” Sif came to my side. “Pack warm.” She caught my face and shifting steps before pausing. “Are you well?”

           “Yes,” I shook my daze. “You were right. I am shocked… That battle didn’t happen as I pictured it. I suppose they never do.” I laughed finally as all my friends looked at me with matching expressions of contentment.

           “Come celebrate with us tonight. The usual pub.” Thor spoke up for them all and I nodded.

           “Yes, I’ll try to make it. I have some things to take care of at home first.” It was odd. Suddenly, the realization that my closest friends were some of the best warriors in Asgard hit me and the fact that they still wanted me around.

           I wondered often if they were humoring me. Or perhaps they pitied me at times.

           My skills weren’t good enough for this lot. We could share drinks, but a battle? Could it be so?

           But, they kept inviting me and I could not, for the life of me, understand it.

           So, I smiled and nodded and shared goodbyes before they went back to watch the rest of the spars and I caught another carriage home.

** ** **

           “It isn’t possible to love her,” he’d said. No pride or adoration.

           No. I suppose not.

           “She’s awkward, defiant, got her damn mind in the clouds. She’ll make no impression on men or warriors, alike. They make comments about her body. And that  _display_  today.  I often wonder if we should remove her from the warriors now and set her up elsewhere.”

           Next to the open kitchen window, I felt my heart shudder and waited for my ribcage to squeeze my organs together. When it didn’t, I exhaled and covered my lips with my hand. My father’s voice coiled around every crevice of my brain.

           “I made attempts with her. Good for nothing, little girl.”

           “She’s a talented warrior. Give her time,” My mother tried. “She’s my daughter and better than this life. You’re drunk.” Something crashed against the floor and I jolted, racing around the house toward the front door.

           “They let me in,” I managed out in one breath before holding the scroll to my father. I was not proud, I was terrified. The scroll shook and the distraction worked. He looked awed. Behind him, my mother picked up the remains of a broken bowl.

           “That’s wonderful,” she pushed past him to hug me and he took the paper from my hand. I hugged my mother tightly and watched his face flicker with anger before he exhaled and smiled.

            _Check._  I thought.  _Your move_.

           “Yes. It is.” He chimed in.  _Check._

           “I was invited to celebrate with the warriors tonight.” I went on and my father shook his head.

           “We have a few things to talk-”

           “Thor invited me.” I corrected and that shut him up. For now.

           “You will go then.” My mother stated all too quick as she left me. “Look nice for him.” I lifted the axe toward my father and before he could grab it, I let it slip from my fingers early. He barely caught it and glanced up at me with an expression I knew well.

           I’d pay for that later.

            _Checkmate, father._

He’d reset the board so we could begin again.

           What’s worse is that I was not the opponent on the other side of the board with my father. He controlled this game. Only sometimes, was it my mother on the other end. They played games with me endlessly until I was dwindled away. I was the Queen they were willing to sacrifice, the King they both wanted to ensnare, and the pawn sent out into the cold to do their bidding.

           “I should prepare. I want to look nice for my friends.”

           “Here,” my mother came to me, “I have some spare coins for you.”

           “Volstagg pays me to babysit and there will be more after battles, I’m fine,” I tried but she insisted.

           “No, take it. We’ll save up to help you buy a few more necessities before you go. You’ll pay me back later, dear.” She always stated this after slipping me money. I’d pay her back later by marrying well is what she meant.

           “Thank you.” I replied in a quiet tone. I spared my father another glance and went into my room. After deciding on a decent bag to bring, I made a list of things I’d need to pack for next week. My first battle off grounds and it was winter.  _Damn it_. I’d need to buy suitable boots and a better cloak. One with expensive fur. But I likely had the coin for one of those things. I avoided taking from the stash of money I had hidden within my room with the hopes that it would one day take me from this place. Somehow my need to escape was overshadowing my need to actually take care of myself beforehand. I washed up for an hour and changed into simple red tunic I liked with comfortable, velvet grey bottoms.  A knock brought me from my thoughts before the door opened without my response.

           “What the hell was that out there today?”

           “I was nervous,” I stared at my father in the reflection of my mirror before I closed my wardrobe and faced him.

           “How could I…get stuck with a child like you?” He asked as if it were a thoughtful question. “By the gods, you’re just like me when I was young. Disobedient. Hopeless. But, you don't want to push past it. You will take my axe into battle. You will wield it proudly in my name. I’m tired of your disgraceful actions making our family look bad.”

           I just stood there.

           I let him belittle me.

           I let him try to guilt me.

           I let him win.

           I wasn’t here. Oh no, not here. I was standing with the King. Asgard was applauding for me. Bowing. I was a hero. Odin would kiss my hand and look at me like a father would a daughter. Frigga would caress my head. Warm. Thor and Loki are there too. All my friends. We’re at a ball to celebrate a great victory. Men offer me silken handkerchiefs as favors and women smile and tell me I’ve inspired them. I’m brave and beautiful in a dress like a sunset and a tiara with one gold jewel is lowered over my hair before…

           “Are you even paying attention?!” He shot and I stood at attention.

           “Yes…” The fantasy died within my heart and ashes filled my lungs. “I’m sorry, I was just nervous.”

           “Don’t let that happen again.” He stood and looked me up and down. “And for the gods’ sake, put a damn corset around your waist if you’re going out like  _that_. You won’t impress any man in such loose clothing.” He smacked my door shut and I didn’t let myself cry. Instead, I put a belt around my waist that flattered my curves and snuck out when they were both in the kitchen. I felt numbed. Desensitized to my own body and the world around me. Cold air slipped inside my cloak and chilled my bones. Not caring about the cold, I walked to the pub, boots crunching into the snow. I counted each step to focus myself until a voice spoke over the many in my head.

           “You’re early.” Loki’s bright eyes peered into mine. The sun had just began to go down, painting the sky in different warm and cold hues. His face was soft in this light.

           “You as well,” I crossed my arms to bring my cloak closer as if to cover everything ugly both outside and inside my body. “No surprise.”

           “No, I suppose not,” He stepped toward me. “I like to enjoy my first drink without Thor’s loud nonsense. Care to join me?”

           “Yes,” I nodded and followed after him as he held the door open.

           “Come, the best booth is open,” Loki gestured, his other hand grazed my arm like he wanted me here and led me toward the corner. The barkeep flocked to him immediately after we sat down. My eyes drew to a candle flickering in the window. I wanted to take the flame within my hands and hold it.

           “The usual, my prince?”

           “Yes.” Loki nodded and the man turned to me.

           “And for your lady friend?”

           “Oh? Um,” I swallowed and turned to Loki before I smirked. “You choose. No alcohol.” Loki took the challenge and glanced over the menu for all of one second.

           “Right. That gourmet chocolate. Hot. With cream on top and a touch of cinnamon.”

           “I’ll be back with those.” The barkeep left and Loki quirked up his brow.

           “Well, do I know you well enough? You don’t seem like a  _vanilla_.” His eyes glinted as he cocked his head.  _Nor, you._

           “I’m impressed actually…and I enjoy vanilla on occasion. The cinnamon was a nice touch.” I shrugged off my cloak and received a small comment.

           “You look quite lovely.” Before he added a joke to lighten it. “Not vanilla.”

           “Thank you.” I felt my face heat and distractedly turned to find my coin pouch when the barkeep returned.

           “No, this is on me.” Loki slipped him the coins and the man set our drinks down before going again.

           “No, I can’t let you-”

           “Too late. Relax and enjoy yourself while you still can.” Loki waved it off before sipping his goblet of what I knew was expensive dark wine. The color tinted his lips before he licked them briefly.

           “I wanted to apologize for earlier. After the spar, I was acting weird. I was just distracted and surprised, I suppose.”

           “We all were.” Loki quickly explained. “Not about you being accepted. We knew you would be. Simply…that axe. I’ve noticed you dragging it to training and not using it…only to use it when you-”

           “Yes…I…” I tried so hard to find the words. “Have you ever wanted to impress your father so much, you’d do something out of character just to do so?” This drew Loki’s eyes back to mine in what was an expression I knew somehow. In-between understanding and melancholy.

           “Enjoy that drink while it’s warm,” he lowered his eyes instead and I savored the sweet taste.

           “I could drink this all day honestly. Thank you,” I stated again and he smiled.

           “Do not mention it.” Loki stared at me before he exhaled. “I am proud of you.”

           “Hm?” I snapped up from my mug and he shifted, fingers clasping gracefully on the table. The words I longed for had spilled from his lips and I  _wished_  I could use the syllables to clear the ashes from my body.  

           “I’m glad you’ll be joining us is what I mean. It is long overdue.”

           “Think so?”

           “I know  _everything_. I know so.” He corrected in jest and I smiled fully at that.

           “You should also know that my interest in learning magic under you has not faded one bit.”

           “This again?”

           “Prepare for more,” I challenged and he chuckled, merely shaking his head.

           “Actually the way you moved today, without your weapon was somewhat of a sorcerer.”

           “Really?” I leaned in and he smirked at me.

           “Easy now, I’m just saying that your balance was rather impressive.”

           “For a girl my size?” I tilted my head.

           “For anyone, your size is fine regardless.”

           “I’ll drink to that,” I enjoyed the warm liquid and sighed, contented here. Loki reached out with his cup and I smiled before clanking mine against his.

           “Let me toast to you, my friend. Finally to join the ranks at my side.”

           “Your side?”

           “Well, all our sides,” Loki lifted his brow and we both took a drink.

           “Can I ask you something?” I tapped idle fingers against the warm mug and shifted my hands into my lap.

           “Anything.”

            _Hold me? Just for a little while so I can heal myself._

           “Do…you think that being a warrior is for me?”

           “This is Asgard, there isn’t much else to do.” He shrugged.

           “Half true, there’s a lot if you squint. But, I’m…serious.”

           “You’re a fine, loyal warrior.” Loki added then and I shook my head.

           “That isn’t the question.”

           “Look, I realize this impending battle might frighten you as it did all of us once. But, perhaps ask yourself if being a warrior, with the ability to protect Asgard by force makes you happy.”

           “Well I’m always happy to protect Asgard.” I scoffed.

           “True, but there are many ways to do that. Perhaps a better question is, do you feel like yourself when you’re a warrior of Asgard?”

           “That is a better question so of course, I cannot answer it,” I sighed.

           “Give it time,” Loki slid his hand closer until it covered one of mine. His skin was cold against my own and I swallowed. “You’re clever and rather capable.”

           “I’ll need all the time in the world, I’m sure.”

           “You shall have it.” Loki promised and I pressed my lips. There was a beat, as we stared, when our hands quickly pulled away from each other like the sun had come up to interrupt this peaceful cover of night.

           “I think I’m just going to go with it for now. I do enjoy being a warrior.”  _On my own terms._

           “You’re not terrible at it. That move today when you balanced atop that axe handle while it was stuck in the wall and jumped over your opponent. Impressive.”

           “I know,” I beamed and grew excited. “I don’t know what came over me and…and I didn’t know what to do so I let go. I was just so charged and…” I shrugged and shook my head, glancing up to see Loki’s smile once more. “It was nice.”

           “It was more than  _nice_.” He laughed softly at that before glancing up. “This was grand while it lasted.” A buff body plopped down next to me as I turned and Thor’s bright smile came into view.

           “You look more dashing than Fandral.” He piped up and Loki sat back across from me. “What are you drinking? It smells good.”

           “From Loki. Try it.” I slid my mug over and he took a sip before giving my arm a pat.

           “Delicious. But, I’m in need of a real man's drink.” Thor stood and waved. “Barkeep. I’ll have when she’s having.  _Double chocolate_.” I snickered at that before Thor winked at me and moved to get his mug.

           “Double chocolate, Loki. Hear that? You may have to carry him back to the palace.”

           “I’d sell Thor to Hel for a new pair of shoes,” he retorted, rousing an unexpected laugh from my lips that was followed by a snort. Embarrassed, I slapped my hands over my mouth and nose, meeting Loki’s amused expression.

           “Not a word,” I pointed and he shrugged, smug.

           “I did not say anything. I’m not one to use the word,  _cute_ , loosely but-”

           “Shut it,” I insisted before Thor sat down next to me again with his hot drink.

           “I hope you’re packing light for your trip.”

           “Almost too light,” I turned toward him. “I won’t need a tent, will I?”

           “No, transportation and shared housing will be provided. I’m sure you’ll be in a tent with Sif.” Thor replied and I exhaled, relieved.

           “I’ll jump off the nearest cliff if I have to share with you or Volstagg. The snoring never ends.” Loki added with the usual shine in his eyes.

           “Yes, you can share with Fandral. I know Hogun doesn’t want to after what he kept doing last time.” Thor joked and I turned to see Loki reply.

           “On second thought, I’ll share with any of you over Fandral.” He spoke in a flat tone.

           “Oh, right. You all noticed, haven’t you?” I gulped the down rest of my sweet drink and they both stared at me. “Fandral…he’s a bit…uh, clingy when he sleeps. Moves around a lot too and mumbles things.”

           “Yes, but, we’re wondering how you… _know_  this?” Loki quirked up a thin eyebrow and I giggled to myself.

           “Oh? No, it isn’t like  _that_. No…not at all like that. You know that Fandral and I are from the same village… Well, I’ve spent many nights at his house. But, I’ve napped with and by him a lot. Nothing else. Innocent sleep. I want that on the official royal record.” I shot them both a glance. “But, yes, he likes to curl up around you and moan sweet nothings in your ear.”

           “Last time we shared a tent, he curled his limbs around me and asked if I’d hidden his socks. I hardly would call that a sweet nothing,” Loki smacked his cup down as Thor and I shared a moment of laughter. “I pushed him outside after that while he was still asleep.”

           “Yes, I was aware because he curled up between Hogun and I after the fact.” Thor gulped from his mug.

           “Poor Hogun. He really enjoys his own space.” I shrugged.

           “And I don’t?” Thor smirked. “What about  _Poor Thor_?”

           “Poor Thor is almost in my lap right now,” I countered and he shrugged, sitting back.

           “Fair point. Though, I’m certain it’s comfortable.” Thor was sweet.

           “Don’t shower me in too much praise just yet.” I stated, entertained by my friends.

           “Now you sound like Loki,” Thor’s lip hitched upward.

           “He says it as if it’s a terrible thing.” Loki scooted closer toward me around the booth in an idle motion.

           “ _Eh_.” I shrugged and Loki scoffed.

           “What does that mean?” He inquired.

           “She likes me better,” Thor leaned against the table. “Right? Who is your favorite?” I sighed for dramatic effect and sat back, peering at each of them once before I pressed my lips.

           “Sif.” I smiled sweetly when I earned flattened expressions. “Now, if you’re done boxing me in…I’d like to go get a water.”

           “Suppose I’ll set you free.” Thor moved but I paused to greet Loki’s hopeful face when I picked up my empty mug.

           “Thanks again. For the drink…and the advice.”

           “Of course.” Loki bowed his head and extended his hand, but quickly recoiled so I moved to get up. More warriors filtered in as I swallowed and leaned against the bar for a moment. I did not want to go home. The goblet of ice water was cool in my hand and for a moment I wished it was alcohol. The rest of my friends filtered in and I smiled as they piled around one table; Loki wasn’t amused at all. Before I got the chance to join them, a voice took me from my daze when my name was uttered.

           “Yes?” I turned and met the gaze of my partner from the spar earlier. His lip quirked up at me before I blinked. “Herlof, right?” There was a fresh bruise above his eyebrow. “I hope I didn’t do that to you.”

           “Oh? No,” he chuckled, touching it in a way that was familiar, and I found myself leaning on the bar counter once more as he drew closer to join me. “You didn’t.”

           “Good.” I shook my head. “I mean…not good that you have it. I’m glad I didn’t-”

           “Rest assured, I understand.” He turned to the barkeep. “Ale.” Herlof was probably around Thor’s age and clearly working on growing more muscle bulk. “Can I buy you something?”

           “In truth, I should be buying you something,” this roused a sound of amusement from his lips and I relaxed.

           “Nonsense.” He shook his head. “You here with anyone?”

           “No. Well, yes. My friends at Loki’s table.” I cocked my head and turned slightly to peer at them. All of them were talking animatedly like most of the other warriors around now. A bard was plucking strings in the corner, setting a soft tune just under the many groups. When my friends didn’t look up at me, I turned back to Herlof. He was looking at me. Quite directly. So I didn’t move.

           “Our spar caused a lot of fuss.” He drank from a mug in an eager motion. “You favor that axe?”

           “Gods, no. It belongs to my father.” I slid into a seat when he gestured.

           “Ah. I get it now.” Herlof leaned toward me. “In that case, I’d like to spar with you again. Bring the weapon you favor this time.”

           “I…” I felt my lips tilting up. “I’m sure that can be arranged. You put up a good fight, I’ve never fought anyone with that weapon you had before.”

           “Yes, I imagine not. Suppose that gives me a bit of an upper hand against an enemy.” He shrugged and drank more. “Though, I think you proved my theory wrong today.”

           “Oh? Sorry,” I laughed and he smiled at me, wider this time.

           “No…I…” Herlof stared at me and trailed off before he looked around and said. “Would you like to get away from this? Go for a walk?”

           “Sure.” I was in a trance. Kind words were being said to me. A man had turned his head to look at my face and listen to what I said. My father’s words were in my brain but damn him, I’d made an impression on a man. So, I followed Herlof out and we talked. Mostly about mundane things. But, that was fine with me. If a man was kind to me, maybe that meant I was possible to love. I was so foolish. My cloak fluttered behind me as wind blew before it stilled. “Are you nervous at all for next week?”

           “No, not yet. I’ve been training for ages for this. I’m ready for a real battle.” He downed his drink and tossed the empty mug down an alley. It crashed to pieces and I jolted but quickly set my gaze on the ground ahead of me. “Cold?”

           “No,” I shook my head and peered at him carefully. “It’s a beautiful night… Your family must have been proud to hear you’ve been accepted.” We turned and I realized we’d gone off path into an area where trees rustled against the wind. I stopped to look up at the moon and he replied.

           “Yes, I suppose they were. My mother is a great warrior, high in the ranks. I’ll say they didn’t like that I lost to a…”

           “Woman?”

           “Yes.” His fingers clenched together when I leaned back against a tree and a long curved branch that stuck out, wedged there.

           “Did that bother you? To lose to a woman?” I asked softly, staring up at him.

           “Hm. Did it fill you with joy to beat a man?” His voice was deep. Gruff. Neither of us answered. “You always look sad, girl. Even now. Why?”

           “I have been hurt.” The most honest I’ve been in a while. My words were simple. Unable to express the levels underneath. Unable to sacrifice Queen or pawn, nor take the King at last and win this hellish game.

           “Me as well. We could help each other.” Herlof’s eyes slipped down my expression. “You’re different.”

           “From who?”

           “The lot of them.” I tried to understand what he meant and my heart dipped. This was wrong.

           “How did you get the bruise on your face?” I asked suddenly when his hand came to rest on a tree branch. Herlof hummed in response and drew closer and I knew he would try to kiss me.

           “You are a very pretty girl,” he murmured my name. “Did you know that?” I swallowed and stared at him. I still couldn’t figure if he was angry somehow that I’d beaten him. The scent of ale brushed my face before he drew closer and tilted his head. Instantly, I turned my face to the side at the slightest brush of our lips. It was not a real kiss. More of an  _unkiss_  if there is such a thing. It was the first a man had tried and the closest thing to one succeeding. Herlof noticed but didn’t stop and his lips brushed my jaw before he turned so that we were staring at each other. When he leaned in again, I brought my hands up toward his chest and turned my face once more after our lips touched. “Relax.” He muttered and this time I pushed at him.

           I was too nice. Too vulnerable. Too stupid. And too pitiful to say no.

           Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.

           “Calm down, will you?” He tried and I slid around him, pushing my way out of the corner. “ _Gods_. What’s your issue? Just trying to be nice to you and this is what I get.” I was trying to hurry away as he tried to guilt me like I owed him something. “Wait.” But, I was rushing with him after me. “Hold on, will you?” My vision blurred with tears as I jogged. “Fine! Go! Slut! Thought you’d be different. Those eyes. I lost to some damned girl… My mother is right about the lot of you.” When I turned the corner, my boots skidded before I slipped in the snow and fell backwards on my ass. Horror crossed my face while I looked into the eyes of Lady Sif, staring down at me. Anger was quick to fuel her. Herlof halted behind me. Loud music from the pub didn’t fully overshadow her voice.

           “ _What_  did you say to her?” Sif tilted her head, daring him.

           “What the hell is her problem?” Herlof pointed and I drew back on my knees. Snow melted and wet my clothing as I shook and breathing heavily. “I was just-”

           “I asked you a question, imbecile!” Sif advanced, grabbing his collar, and I stumbled to my feet, slipping to latch onto her arm. She’d lay waste to this man.

           “Sif, please,” I sputtered. “Please, don’t.” I tugged at her a few times and finally, she was responsive. Her eyes slid to meet mine before she roughly tossed Herlof back a few steps.

           “Get out of my sight.” Sif hissed. “Pray we never meet in battle.” Herlof sneered and stared at me before turning to go down an alleyway. “What was that?” Sif turned her full attention to me. “Suddenly you leave. What did he do?”

           “Nothing. He tried…He kind of kissed me. I thought he-…I thought I…”

           “What has been going through your head lately?” Sif exhaled a slight puff. “I don’t…mean it like  _that_. Herlof is an idiot and I just want to know how-”

           “He was nice to me.” My voice was tiny. Sad. Pitiful. Suddenly, this beautiful wave of understanding crossed Sif’s radiant face.

           “Well,” her words her sharp, “he is not.” She waited until I sniffled and nodded before taking my shoulders. “He is not,” she stated again. “But, you are. Better than nice, in fact. Come on, I’ll get you cleaned up before we go back in.”

           “Sif,” I stopped her, arms curling over my chest before I pleaded. “Don’t…Don’t tell Loki or Thor… All right? Don’t tell the others about this at all. Especially not Fandral. Please?”

           “I…” Sif merely sighed before she nodded, standing taller. “I will not. I promise. You’ll lose yourself in these secrets.”

           I shuddered.

           “Thank you.”

** ** **

           “Sorry all. The fresh air was nice and we entered into a grand conversation. What did we miss?” Sif pulled me by the hand along with her.

           “Fandral is off doing what he does best. In his eyes.” Hogun commented. “Thor and Volstagg are at the middle of the bar now,” he pointed just across from us, “attempting to tell stories and have a drinking contest. They think I’m keeping count but I’ve been writing a letter to my wife.” The warriors near Hogun chuckled around us. I shuffled my feet and smiled at Sif.

           “Look, I think I’m going to turn in early.”

           “You sure, we just got back?” She furrowed her brow at me.

           “Yes, I think that chocolate went to my head.” I joked and nodded to assure her. “Thank you. Hogun, I can drop that letter with the couriers tonight for you if it’s ready?”

           “I’d appreciate that, yes.” He sealed it and held it toward me. “Thank you.”

           “It’s no problem, it’ll be on the way.” I fixed my cloak and bid them goodbye before someone leaned out from the bar to catch me on the way out. Loki smiled and stood up, grabbing his cloak.

           “I have work to do. Allow me to walk you.” He gave Thor a pat on his massive bicep. “Volstagg can carry my sweet brother home and tuck him in.”

           “Who will carry me home?” Volstagg slurred and leaned against Thor as they both laughed aloud. Loki rolled his eyes and turned to follow me but I stepped in front of him first.

           “You don’t have to walk me home, it’s the complete opposite direction of the palace. And I’ll be safe.”

           “It’s certainly not to keep  _you_  safe,” Loki scoffed, almost dramatically. “For my pleasure.” Smirking, I exhaled and shrugged.

           “Not the whole way.”

           “Half. No. To the bridge.”

           “Deal.” I agreed

           “Where did you go?” He asked when we got outside.

           “Fresh air,” I shrugged, cobblestone clicked under my heels as we walked along.

           “You walked out with Herlof,” Loki commented.

           “Oh? Yes, we were just talking about the spar today. Turned a lot of heads.” I crossed my arms and changed the subject. “We’ve a lot to do this week before we leave. I need to shop tomorrow actually.”

           “Yes, I do as well,” Loki paused when I turned to slip Hogun’s letter into a slot on the side of a small building before I faced him. My friend peered at me carefully before he straightened up and glanced away. “You know…actually, since we both have similar shops to visit in town, I assume…”

           “Yes?” I dropped my arms and he chuckled, running a hand over his hair in an idle motion.

           “We could benefit in going together.”

           “You might, uh,” I clasped my hands behind my back. “Yes, you might have a point.”

           “Would you want to go with me?”

           “I’d like that.” I nodded and slowly we began to walk again, gazes locking.

           “Being a prince has but a few advantages,” Loki made me snicker. “I am quite certain that I could get you a discount wherever we go.” I chuckled once more and shook my head without answering that.

           “What time and where should I meet you?”

           “Let’s say ten o’clock. We’ll meet by that bench at the front of the main street; the one I used a new spell to stick Thor to when he sat down.”

           “I remember that!” I covered my lips with my hand. “He was so upset, he got up and the entire bench came with him and he  _still_  tried to chase after you.” Loki chuckled at that and agreed.

           “Yes, I believe his imprint is still there.”

           “Oh, that was so long ago.” I watched Loki smile as light snow fell around us. “Still, I don’t think anything beats the time you made the Elders go into fasting.”

           “They were being a little dramatic about it. It was Thor's fault.” Loki huffed slightly. “They did not even fast for that long and in truth, they had it coming. Erikur especially.”

           “Well he is much too forward about his dislike for all things supposedly different from his old ways. Magic. Elves. Pretty much any race outside his own.  I don’t think he understands our society at all, it’s been mixed for ages. Why is he leading them again?”

           “Unfortunately, he is the loudest.” Was all Loki replied and I turned to see the path ahead.

           “Someone should tell him that there are more realms outside ours.”

           “Might kill him,” Loki jested and smirked at me before he noticed the bridge into my village. “So soon?”

           “Yes,” we stopped in the middle of it. The river underneath was half frozen and sparkling tonight.

           “May I ask you a personal inquiry?” It surprised me that he asked.

           “Yes.” I leaned against the side of the bridge when he did, pale fingers drumming briefly.

           “Why have you not told your father-?”

           “Loki…” I stopped him, shaking my head. “I’m sorry but, my home life…it’s complicated. You’re one of my best friends and I’d like to keep my home life past this bridge. Nowhere else. There are things I need to handle myself.”

           “You are aware that you can tell me anything, yes?” Loki reached out and lightly drew his fingertips along my jaw. When he brought his hand down, I covered it with mine. The action was almost bold.

           “Yes,” I lowered my gaze. “I do.” Glancing up at his green eyes, I tilted my head.

           “How about tonight, you don’t cross the bridge?” Loki spoke up, surprising me. “Come stay the night in the palace. We’ll go to the shops tomorrow from there. Together.” My lips quirked up slightly before I exhaled out my nose and came forward. I heard Loki’s breath hitch when my lips touched his cheek. My eyes fluttered closed and I lingered before drawing back, stepping from him. His hand curled into mine to hold the connection out longer.

           I was not ready.

           “Goodnight, Loki.” When I stepped back, he came with slowly until my foot found the end of the bridge. Our hands slipped, skin sliding together, before they lowered and he found his voice.

           “Goodnight.” He clasped his hands behind his back and I left him at the edge of that bridge. My steps were quiet as I walked without him at my side. I felt sober for the first time tonight. But, when I shifted once to wave, he was still looking at me. A smile found my lips when I turned to continue on.

** ** **

           “You were right,” Loki greeted me the next morning. “Thor’s imprint is preserved forever.”

           “I’m surprised that this poor bench is still here,” I replied after a moment of amusement.

           “Where did you need to go first?” He looked at me when I pulled out my list before snatching it from my fingers. “Let’s see here.”

           “ _Loki_ ,” I huffed as he turned to read with my list out of reach. I had to lean against his back so I could see my handwriting. People around us continued on after the occasional odd look. My hands came to touch Loki’s biceps as he scanned my writing with his eyes.

           “Why are there so many circles and question marks?”

           “I’m trying to prioritize on my budget.” I managed to slip the paper from his hands. “When you’re not royal…you do that.” Loki blinked at me but didn’t say what he was thinking, amusement graced his lips instead when I folded my list to set it away.

           “What do you need most?” He asked.

           “I’m thinking suitable boots for this weather and our seemingly impending battle are more important than a cloak. I need my feet and legs in good shape. …If that’s all right with you.”

           “This way,” Loki nodded easily and waited until I shifted to his right to touch my back.

           “If you don’t need boots, you can go somewhere else and I’ll meet you.” I piped up after a moment.

           “Nonsense.” Loki mused, holding open the door to the shop.

           “Prince Loki,” the woman behind the counter grinned. “Welcome. Let me help you both with your cloaks.” She slipped Loki’s from his shoulders and quickly took mine before hanging them.

           “Thank you,” I clasped my hands.

           “What can I assist you with today?” She asked and Loki gestured to me.

           “I’m…just looking for now.” I swallowed and quickly passed Loki after bowing my head.

           “She’s looking for boots. Suitable for snow and battle. We’ll let you know if we require your assistance.” Loki’s voice trailed behind me before he followed me into the high shelves. “You’re nervous about spending today. Why? You’re smart, I’m certain-”

           “I don’t want to spend more than I should,” I admitted softly and he watched my face. “I’ve put money aside for this because I knew it would be happening soon…but, I’ve been saving up for something else and I don’t wish to take more money from that.” When Loki waited for me to elaborate, I fiddled with my hair and went on. “I’ve been trying to save up to move but, I don’t have the means to…”

           “Fandral offered once. I remember him mentioning it.”

           “I didn’t want push myself into his life. He has his own plans. I know he wanted to eventually try moving into the palace’s warrior quarters and he has the skill for it. To me, that’s an impossible dream. Plus, he kept telling me he’d cover my expenses if I lived with him but I didn’t want that. I either cover for myself or I don’t move in. So, I made a choice and told him no. I’d like to do that one day. The dorms but…it seems far off. It’s all right. I’m managing.” Quickly, I nodded to continue. “I should really pick something so we can get going.” Loki beamed at me and touched my shoulder.

           “I’ve a pair in mind for you. Well within your budget.” The boots he had me try on were dark brown, sturdy, and the top was lined in wool that would keep me warm. Contented, I walked around in them and got used to the feel before I smiled and Loki returned it.

           “Yes?” He lifted an eyebrow and I nodded. “She’ll take them,” he called to the front as I got them off. “I’ll meet you up there.” His voice trailed off as he quickly turned to go before I could respond. Hurried, I got them off and took them up with me to purchase them. When she told me the price, I tilted my head and side-eyed Loki.

           “Any friend of the prince gets a discount,” she smiled and I paid her quietly.

           “Thank you, ma’am.” Loki and I left before I paused outside. “You didn’t have to do that.”

           “It was not that big a discount.” He shrugged.

           “ _Still_.” I pressed.

           “I do not get to do shopping with the company of another.” Loki reasoned, beckoning for me to follow him. “Besides, I’ll likely bore you with my own list of things. I will not do it again. All right? Come now, you look cold.”

           “ _Hmph_.” I exhaled sharply and followed after him.

           “In truth, I’m not sure anyone would like to live with Fandral.” His comment brought a chuckle to my lips. “How would one survive that?”

           “Soundproof walls.” I made him smile in turn and my face warmed when he stopped at another shop. “New blades?”

           “No, I got my set sharpened.” He approached the counter and smiled. “I am here to pick up.”

           “We expected you today, my prince. I’m certain they’re to your liking.” The young man winked at Loki and turned to pick up a case. “Take your time, please.” He disappeared and I peered over Loki’s shoulder to see him unroll a long row of sleek throwing knives and daggers. He plucked up one of the shop’s advertising cards and lifted a blade to admire it before gently sliding the steel along the paper’s side. It effortlessly cut into the edge and Loki appeared satisfied. My chest concaved with a silent breath as he meticulously looked over each blade, metal gleamed in the dim candle light. “Bored yet?” He asked after a moment without looking at me.

           “No, I love a fresh blade now and then,” my morbid humor went unnoticed to Loki. He tilted a dagger in his hand swiftly so that he could see me in its reflection over his shoulder. I stared at his eyes for a moment before the corner of my lips lifted. “Are you finally contented after looking at them so closely for as long as you did?”

           “I could stand to gaze much longer.” Loki’s eyes sparkled vividly before he brought the blade down and packed up his collection. “But, there are other places to be so I suppose that it’s just a glance for today.” Loki turned with the case under his arm as I held onto my bag. “Come now.” With green eyes lingering on me, he left a large tip on the counter and we left together. The day was peaceful, walking along shops and enjoying each other’s company. He asked my advice on much of what he tried on like he wanted to include me perfectly into his schedule. We got a small lunch together and I grew worried when we entered the next shop. Cloaks lined the aisles of various weights and styles, causing me to sigh. I didn’t own a nice enough one; mine was worn and patched in a few places, it really wasn’t it right for battle and harsh snow.

           “Hm?” I asked when I realized Loki had spoken my name after he addressed the shopkeeper.

           “I asked if you had an idea of what you wanted in mind.”

           “Oh? No, actually…” I swallowed and trailed after him. The shop was near empty and I set my things down next to his on a bench in the corner. The shopkeeper approached Loki and bowed before presenting him with a box.

           “It’s ready and to your precise specifications, Prince Loki.” They had stated with pride before Loki opened the box and pulled a large garment into his hands.

           “You’ve outdone yourself. That will be all.” Loki shifted to pull the cloak on and my breath caught. It was a work of art. Fine fabric and fur linings to keep him warm. The velvety green of the dark fabric swayed perfectly as he moved. I didn’t even want to touch it with my shaken hands. This pretty, expensive cloak held up in front of me. It was unattainable. Loki admired himself in the mirror and he just looked so beautiful and I felt sick when his eyes slid to me. “What is wrong, sweetheart?” His soft voice laced in something that didn’t register within my head as I wiped a tear from my face. More filled my eyes and I got up to dash into a fitting room next to me before Loki could even react.

           “I’m fine...fine.” I tried but my throat choked before I began to cry softly, falling into a seat so I covered my face in my hands. “I need a moment, I’m sorry.”

           “I’d like to come in, if you’ll allow me.” Loki tried after a moment of quiet shuffling. I heard him sigh softly and pulled myself together.

           “Yes.” I swallowed and he entered, moving the long curtain back into place as I touched my stomach. He wasn’t wearing the expensive cloak anymore and I scooted over when he sat down next to me. My fingers gripped the seat and I went rigid, turning my gaze away from him.

           “Here,” his hushed tone soothed me in the slightest before I reached out to take the handkerchief he was offering between two long fingers. When I wiped my cheeks, Loki reached out and touched my arm only when I nodded for him to do so. “If my  _flaunting_  of my family’s privileges is what is bringing you pain… I apologize.”

           “No,” I tried to scoff and shook my head. “No, Loki…it isn’t… I’ve known you since we were children. I know who your family is. I just…I feel…”

           I could have said a number of things.

           I’m frustrated because my skin is crawling and begging to be sliced open.

           I’m depressed because I hate who I am and where I’m going.

           I feel too poor and too lacking in skills for my group of friends.

           My father abuses me mentally and physically and it isn’t supposed to be like that.

           My mother is too weak to stop it and I’m too weak to hate her for it.

           My own mind tortures me daily and any gods above us could  _never_  hope to beg for my forgiveness for the game they set up for me.

           I’m in love with you and confused about that and angry that I can’t tell you and I can’t be with you because  _I am not good enough_.

           For anyone.

            _It isn’t possible to love her._

           The words burned into every thread of my soul.

           But, I didn’t say any of that.

           “Herlof kissed me.” I choked out and covered my face when Loki furrowed his brow.

           “…What?” He sounded breathless.

           “Last night, we were talking…going for a walk. He got close to me and he was nice so I let him but I… I didn’t want him to just… And I was afraid and confused and paralyzed because no one has ever… I’ve never- But, he just took that. He took my choice away from me. He lured me in with words of care and covered the fact that he was only thinking of himself. Why is it men think they can do that to me? And I let that happen,” I rambled on as I cried more between syllables. “I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

           “No,” Loki shook his head and scooted closer. “No, no. You cannot put the blame on yourself. It was not your fault. It was his. His alone. Look at me.” Cool fingers touched my face before I lifted my eyes to his. “You didn’t make him do anything. Is the fox ever to blame when hunted by a rabid wolf? No. His actions belonged to him. Not you. Do you hear me?”

           “Yes,” I swallowed, sniffing briefly before I looked away and took another moment to wipe my face. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean for this to come out now. Just the stress built and that set me off.”

           “Herlof is vile. Thor knocked him into the dirt a number of times over the years.” Loki tried and failed to lift my spirits as I sniffled again. “Just as you did yesterday.”

           “I try not to get my hopes up and still I am hurt.” I tucked some hair behind my ear. “Why…Why did I let him hurt me so?” I wasn’t talking about Herlof. “I just want to be…” I stared up at Loki with dying stars in my eyes. “I want to be like you, in truth. I want to be powerful and…and good with my words. I want to have an influence. I want them all lined up. Looking at me. Just once.”

           “They try to harm you because you are still good, regardless of that undeserved pain. They cannot  _stand_  it.” Loki swept the back of his finger under my eye and along my cheek. A new found certainty entered his voice. “As for power and influence. There will come a day when you’ll understand it. You will bring the world to their feet and they will look at you. Not for long though. They will avert their gazes only because they will  _bow_.”

           I felt it then.

           The fantasy reeling.

           Loki watching my face.

           Me surging forward to kiss him.

           Only when he allows it first.

            _Come away with me._

           He’d stolen the breath from my lungs and only now did I take it back.

           “You sound certain.” I set the fantasy aside and focused on the reality that I would endure. I would endure pain. I would endure love. I would endure the forces trying to pick me apart.

           “Yes, well, I am.” Loki leaned in. “Yet, it is my wish that your voice carries the same certainty.” I tried to scoff but a silent chuckle found my lips when I glanced at my legs.

           “That cloak was divine. You should buy it.” I clasped my hands. “I think I’m done for today. I have a cloak at home that I’ll alter some.” I watched Loki’s hand shift to cover both of mine in my lap.

           “You’re sure?”

           “Yes.” I smiled just a little. “I had fun today with you.”

           “I always enjoy our time together,” Loki admitted after a moment before he slipped his hand from mine. “I must also add, that as your close friend…I’d like you to permit me to make that bastard pay.”

           “He isn’t worth it,” I shook my head. “I’m fine now. This helped…” I stood and he followed. “Not that you ever listen to me, either way. But, after facing Sif’s anger, I think he’ll leave me alone for a while.”

           “True. I’m trying this funny thing mother told me about. I believe it is called common courtesy. Listening to others. Ugh…I could be wrong.” Loki’s amused scoff caught when I shifted forward to hug him.

           “Sorry,” I started to pull away but he came back to himself and touched the back of my head. “I just…thank you.”

           “It’s no issue,” Loki settled his hands on my shoulders. “Come, let me at least buy you dessert before we part ways. I’m certain your choice of baked apple treat will cheer you up.” I laughed and shifted to wipe under my eyes before glancing back up at him. Without words, I agreed.

** ** **

           “I’m almost done. Last minute tweaks. I think it’ll hold up.”

           “You’ve been fussing with this all week. I’m sure it’s fine.” My mother pulled my cloak from my hands. “Go. Finish getting ready and I’ll tie this up.” I sped into my bedroom to go over my list for the millionth time. It had come too fast. The time to ship out. My door smacked shut and I spun just in time to catch the axe. Barely.

           “Clumsy. Let’s hope that doesn’t follow you onto the battlefield.” My father’s face was alight with something that made my insides clench.

           Surely I would be killed if I took this.

           He didn’t care.

           “I’ll leave my flaws at home.” My jab went over his head before he stepped toward me. “Mother is leaving to meet her friends while we all are gone. Will that cause you loneliness?”

           “She will be safe away from this village with the others. I must stay and secure it with fellow retired warriors. It is my duty. One I’m honored with.”

           “You really do not need your prized axe for that?” I asked and he took my face in his hands, cupping more tightly than he should to bring me to my toes.

           “I’ve the best  _prize_  any man could ask for.” He watched my eyes and I thought he would bite me. “My little daughter. Such scorching eyes you have. Enough to make any man lose control.” My father forced a kiss against the corner of my lips and pushed me back just a bit when he released me. “Hurry up.” After he left, I realized I’d been holding my breath and stiffly puffed for air before I spit against the doorway of my room. I tore into my things after slinging the weight of my father’s axe against my back. I felt him there. Hanging on me, hands around my neck before I swept my hand back and tossed an unlit candle from my desk. The ferocity in my heart carried up my throat and along my limbs before I tugged at my hair and slapped a harsh palm against my own face.

           The world hushed.

           The pain vibrated.

           My face heated.

           And then I felt nothing.

           Stars cried for help and exploded in on themselves while the worlds kept moving.

           Inhaling, I got ahold of myself and exhaled slowly before I tied my bag up and slung it over my shoulder. I didn’t catch my reflection on the way out. _Just a slip_ , I forced into my brain.  _Nothing more._  My mother helped me finish in silence and I tied my bag tighter to conceal my sword and dagger. I was a fool to try and bring it with this piece of utter shit paper weight strapped to my back still. I removed it to carry it before my mother kissed me and leaned back in question.

           “Why is your cheek so hot?” She wondered and I shuffled before eyeing my father appearing behind her.

           “We should go.” I stepped backwards. My father brought us both into a hug and kissed my mother deeply after I’d pulled away. I turned my head when his eyes slid to me during it like he was rubbing it in.

           “I’ll see you in a few short weeks, my love. Our daughter will bring about a short end with that axe.” He touched just under my chin and passed me. “Come back in one piece, girl.”

           Purposefully, I didn’t offer him kind words.

           I wished in silence to come back and discover his body.

           But, I was not that lucky.

           My mother left in a carriage and my father didn’t wait for me to catch one before he shut the door. The snow was thick and I knew instantly that my cloak wouldn’t cut it but I ignored the thought. Flakes fell against the axe in my hands and I stepped forward but stopped as if a voice called my name.

            _Where are you going?_

_To war._

_What shall you leave behind?_

           There it was. The delicious claw of hope and freedom at my internal organs. Nails raked over my heart and dug into it. Instantly, I heaved for air and forces that once felt beyond my control coiled out from my spine. I lifted the axe up against the grey sky and watched it gleam without beauty. What shall I leave behind? My mother would be out of the picture until I got back. My father would be right here. Alone. Without a player on the other side of the board. Without a daughter to touch. Without a wife to scold. The events that led up to my very first true act of pure defiance against my father swelled before I spun and smacked the axe’s blade into our icy porch.  _Checkmate_. My gloved hands released it and it stood there, without a master.  _Without a servant._  My chest concaved with adrenaline and I felt tears enrich the scoff that ripped from my throat.

            _What shall you leave behind, sweetheart?_

            _“War.”_  I seethed aloud, hunching over as my fingers became talons briefly. I could have gone back for it but I was running. Flying. Delivering myself for the first time from my father’s steel hands. Without trying to catch a carriage. Without fear. Without a care in my crumbling world. I left the axe on the doorstep and I knew my father would get the message. I also knew I’d return from war into the most hostile environment I’ve known.

            But, that was the nature of my world.

           Laughter swelled in my throat.

           Then erupted.

           I’d return for certain. Oh yes. And I’d take my throne at the other end of the board, drenching myself in my father’s sick game. He’d been trying to get me to play for eons. Perhaps, it was time to stop pacing along the fence. My father had many flaws. But, one I’d been able to construct is how he underestimated me. He wasn’t the only one. My feet took me further from home. I hated it, pretending to be something I wasn’t. Pretending I wasn’t furious and impulsive. I’d been at this since childhood. It was most of what I knew. And I hated it. But, no, my father could not for the life of him understand this one perfect and simple detail about who I was. His little daughter.

           He would never grasp the magnitude of how  _ugly_  I could be.

** ** **

           “Sorry, I’m late,” I caught my breath and coughed as Fandral tilted his head in question.

           “You’re not late actually,” he shrugged and I nodded.

           “Great, perfect,” I nodded and heaved for some air against the cold before straightening up. My hands shook, free of the axe’s weight for good.  _For now._

           “Did you race here?” He asked after a moment and I shrugged.

           “No idea how you got that in your head,” I opened my bag so I could attach my sword and dagger to my waist.

           “Either way, I’m glad you arrived.” Fandral turned on his charm and got an arm around my shoulders. “You’ll ride in our ship, of course.” He caused me to laugh aloud. Around us, massive numbers of warriors readied ships and shared goodbyes. It was overwhelming and the realization of war was really hitting me. Parents gave tokens to their young and I sighed.

           “You’re not from around here, are you? Last I checked, I’m not in league with your lot.” I caught Hogun waving as he loaded his bag into the vehicle.

           “She’s here,” he called to the others and many heads popped up around the ship with matching looks of glee. It stopped me in my tracks as Thor came down with his usual eagerness.

           “Finally,” he held out his hand. “Come aboard.” He was serious. They all were. My friends, all better warriors than I, wanted me to ride there in the same ship as them. They wanted to include me into their golden worlds. When Loki nodded behind Thor, I grasped for his hand and he pulled me over the side. The sleek ship would rush us there with the hundreds matching it around us. Like a gentleman, Thor offered to take my bag and stowed it under an empty seat that was waiting for me.

           “No need to be nervous, we’ve all been in your shoes.” Sif touched my shoulder. “We’ll assist you up there when needed, all right? You’ve practiced for this. Many times. This won’t be different from any other battle. Just longer.”

           “Right,” I nodded and exhaled carefully. I looked back periodically as my friends talked at me and got ready. My father did not appear in anger. Odin gave his usual brand of rousing speech ahead of us but my eyes lingered on the path behind me. Shivering somewhat, I heard the vehicles revving up and Loki had to tug me to sit down before I came back to focus as Asgardians cheered and chanted around us.

           “Where is your mind now? You’ve been quiet.” Loki smirked before he corrected himself, gloved fingers winding into my sleeve. “ _Quieter_.”

           “I’m here.” I smiled slightly. “I am right here.”

           “Well, I suppose I’m thankful for that.” Loki shifted when our friends entered a conversation behind us. Air swept hair around my face and I laughed finally as we flew above the trees. “Here, let me do something about this hair to get it out of that lovely face you have.” He turned my head and I listened to his voice above the wind. “Trust me.”

           “I do.”

** ** **

           The battle was long and harsh. Weeks were spent trying to keep dry from this cold and cleaning flecks of blood off my blades by what dims fires we could light. Sleep didn’t come easy, nor did the words for a letter to write to my mother before we were flying and marching again. Into the mountains with blades and arrows at every corner. Our numbers split to take on different camps with the hopes of ambushing them before we were attacked in turn. Frost often coated thinly over my braided hair and my lips took on a purple hue after three weeks of this. Nights were spent without comfort and with thoughts of waking to a blade against my throat. Sif was around me often as we shared a tent and her powerful words of quiet reassurance kept me going.

           “Cannon barely missed you,” I rubbed a healing stone into her arm when she hissed and drank down some water. A campfire sat flickering just a few feet from us, illuminating the dark forest.

           “Your hands are shaking,” she observed as I sniffled silently.

           “I’m fine. Adrenaline still.” I caught Sif’s look.

           “You’ll freeze to death at this rate. You spend most nights awake because of the shivering, I can hear you. You need to rest.”

           “We all do.” The rustling of the trees made me uneasy somehow as snow shook from them and a blast of cold chilled into my bones before I was numb. Sif looked down at her healed arm and flexed it.

           “Thank you,” she took my wrist. “Come on.” I let Sif pull me further from the main camp toward the tents. Asgardian warriors slept while a few stayed up to guard. Thor was among them telling a quiet story before he stood when he saw me.

           “Did you both eat something?” Thor asked as I carefully pulled my gloves back on.

           “Yes. She’s not looking well,” Sif replied and I shook my head.

           “I can take care of myself. I made it this far.” I pushed past Thor but he took my arm.

           “Get Loki.” He told Sif. “Just let us look at you for a moment. We’re a team.” As Sif moved to go, I caught sight of a tiny gash on Thor’s temple and couldn’t help lifting my hand to move some blond hair aside.

           “Do you need a healing stone for this?”

           “No, I’m fine.” Thor caught my amused look at his stubbornness and grinned for me. “You see how we feel now?”

           “Whatever you say, my prince.” I dropped my hand when he looked up to see Loki coming over, hair tousled and face freshly cleaned from a nearby river.

           “Shivering at night?” He asked and Sif crossed her arms.

           “Yes. Look at her coloring. She’s grown too pale.”

           “Come on,” I huffed as Loki removed his gloves to monitor me. His cold fingers touched my neck and I jolted. “You’re frozen too.”

           “Yes, well, the difference is that I’m countering it better,” Loki shrugged and pressed his long digits to my neck. I let him take my face in his hands to focus me before he shook his head. “You need to get some heat before you sleep tonight. You’re unfocused and you can’t bring that into battle.”

           “What do you suggest?” I sighed finally and Thor spoke before Loki could.

           “If you’re comfortable, it might be best to have you sleep with Volstagg and I.  _Between_ ,” he corrected quickly. “ _Between us._ We are large, the heat will be good for you. _”_  Loki let a sharp exhale out his nose but I’d turned from him.

           “You’re…all right with that?” I asked.

           “If you don’t mind Volstagg snoring,” Thor shrugged and chuckled before I did, nodding.

           “I’m not sure if I, uh… What I mean is- _oh_. I just… We can try that.” I swallowed, glancing from him to Loki and Sif.

           “I’ll share with Hogun and his partner tonight. They won’t mind.” Sif nodded to assure me. Loki’s jaw was tight before he spoke.

           “Be…careful with her.” He managed and Thor touched my shoulder.

           “Rest assured, brother.” Thor was already leading me off.

           “Goodnight,” I beckoned to Sif and Loki.

            “Better sooner than later.” Thor pushed me along. Volstagg was in their tent, finishing up a letter by a lantern before he peered up at us.

           “By the nine, you’re chilled. Come in, come in,” he hurriedly fixed the large mats they’d slept on and gathered up some furs. “Lie down here.” I was completely silent as I got on my side and glanced up at Thor turning down the lantern. He left it on just a tiny bit and got next to me. “Better?” Volstagg asked and I cleared my throat.

           “Yes, thank you.” My voice hushed and quivered as I pressed my eyes closed. There was a moment of silent breaths before I opened my eyes again.

           “Don’t be afraid to push either of us away,” Thor tried to set me at ease. “This one rolls around in his sleep.”

           “I do not,” Volstagg protested, already falling asleep behind me.

           “He does,” Thor mouthed in the flickering, dim light. I suppressed a giggle before Thor fixed a fur blanket around me. I felt their body heat working steadily to warm me as I watched Thor’s silhouette. He was on his back with one arm around his head and behind me, Volstagg had fallen into slumber within a few minutes. “You’ve…ah….done well out here.”

           “Oh? Thank you…I should hope so.”

           “You have,” Thor whispered before he turned his head to peer at me. “You’ve grown a lot.” I pressed my lips and we were silent for a few moments with Volstagg’s snores in the background. “Loki thinks so too.”

           “Does he?” I smiled to myself.

           “Are you cold still?” Thor said after another beat.

           “A little,” I admitted.

           “Can I scoot closer to you?” He asked politely and I paused before replying.

           “Yes.” We shifted so that I was curled into Thor’s side.

           “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

           “No,” I assured him quickly. “You’re really warm, it’s nice. I’ll gladly steal any body heat you don’t want. My cloak isn’t doing as well as I’d hoped.”

           “The snow is slowing us but it shall not stop us.” He sounded quite certain and I leaned up on my elbows.

           “King Odin sent only the best.” I grinned.

           “I long for the day he puts me in charge, I’d have this battle over in half the time.” Thor’s hopeful smile enriched his youthful face just slightly when I looked down at him as I adjusted myself to get comfortable.

           “Think so?”

           “I do not doubt it one bit,” Thor smirked and gazed up at the top of our tent. Trees rustled outside and warriors spoke in hushed tones just under them. The lantern had gone out and I couldn’t see Thor’s features anymore. Just a slight shine of his eyes and the dark shadows outlining his form. When I curled back into him, I felt him shift over on his side and freeze.

           “Yes?” He muttered and I nodded.

           “ _Mmmhmm_.” I managed in near silence. His knee touched my thigh and my entire body locked up. I wish I knew where such fear came from. My memories shredded with nothing. I made myself into a ball next to him, legs curling up as I buried my face in my arms. Thor was perfectly still and careful next to me, merely touching my head to assure that I was all right.

           “I apologize.” He stated and I peered up, shaken somehow.

           “It isn’t you.”

           “But, it is someone,” Thor whispered as if he understood. I didn’t reply, resuming my hidden position. I pressed my eyes closed and started to fantasize of someplace warm before it dawned on me that I was already there. Relaxing, I let Thor protect me from the cold and fell into a sleep I never thought I’d receive out here.

** ** **

           The pounding of blood through my body never slowed during battle. We charged and roars of clanging blades echoed through the frozen air. I hacked away at enemies and let my lungs fill with fury while smoke swirled through the air from explosions on both sides. As the numbers on the other side dwindled; we were ordered to ensure all were dead. There were times when perhaps I thought I was doing the right thing in putting some of them out of their misery. They always stared at me as they died. A few cursed me while others begged for the end. I always stared back at them and obliged. It was the least of what I could do.

           “Take cover!” A shout urged before a blast of smoke sent me and a dozen others to the ground. _The voice_ , I thought, dazed and huffing for air.

           “No,” I gasped, tripping to get up as I raced toward Volstagg’s form on the ground. He’d covered his face but his right leg received most of the blow. Skin was torn and charred from it, pieces of debris sticking out. Thor had gotten to him first with another warrior, growling in a rage.

           “Healers!” Thor barked when I kneeled to take Volstagg’s hand in mine.

           “Forgive me,” he croaked. “Bastard. I didn’t see it until-” Thor hushed him when he coughed as a healer knelt down.

           “Save your strength.” Thor swallowed and gave a few orders to the group around us. I smiled for Volstagg to offer hope. “Tend to the rest of the wounded. Ensure our enemies lay dead. Watch out for more traps.” Many moved at once before the healer shook their head.

           “He cannot stay like this. A healing stone isn’t enough.”

           “Take him back,” Thor decided and shook his head. “I am sorry, my friend.”

           “I’ll take care of him.” Hogun, looking dirty from battle, kneeled next to Thor. “Go.”

           “Join us when you can, we’ll need you. We’ll split the group,” Thor cast Volstagg a look of regret before touching his head. “Rest, friend. You’ve done enough here.”

           “Give them hell.” Volstagg tried to chuckle when a hand touched my shoulder.

           “Come, we have to keep moving. If our groups can ambush their main camp, we’ll bring an end to this.” Loki got me to stand as healers and warriors surrounded Volstagg to get him out of here. Some mounted horses while others managed to unbury silent vehicles from the snow. Loki pulled me with him as Thor took a horse and eagerly began to bellow more orders for our large group. My ears were ringing and Loki had to tug me along until he mounted a horse. “Hurry,” he urged when the horse grew restless and I blinked but grabbed for his arm so he could pull me up. “Hold on.” Loki’s words hadn’t ended before the horse raced off after Thor’s. Instantly, I clung to him and had to bury my face into his cloak to keep the cold out when it licked at my cheeks. Our enemies did not have numbers but they did have heart and will which was more dangerous. Asgardians followed behind in large numbers before we came upon the rocky cliff. What was once a magnificent waterfall had frozen in shards of sparkling ice with the water trapped and rushing under thick layers as if it was waiting to be unleashed. Below lay the last numbers of the enemy army, banging rusted weapons against their shields as if to dare us to attack.

           “ _Charge_!” Thor had commanded, Mjolnir raised high, before lightning exploded and rippled across the ground below. Asgardians descended down the hills from all sides and into the center of battle. At the same time, marauders charged and the immediate sounds of cannons began. Our horse galloped through smoke before I gave Loki a squeeze and jumped into the thick of it. When he turned in a sudden motion to glance back at me, I didn’t have time to nod before I brought my sword up and sliced a man open. It was so immediate, the way the once perfect blanket of snow grew tarnished with blood, footprints, and bodies. With my dagger in my left hand, I impaled a woman before she could strike and jerked back to kick the man behind me. I counted my steps and strikes in my head and tried not to count the lives I’d taken. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. A blade sliced my shoulder and my cloak fell from my back completely as I thrust my blade forward and into the heart of someone before they could cut me in half.

           “You’re half frozen to death,  _child_ ,” a buff, pasty woman challenged me with a spiked mace in one hand. A circlet of bones and jewels rounded her head. “One strike.” My ears rang and I could no longer distinguish the sounds around me. To keep from over stimulation, I squeezed my wounded shoulder and let the pain focus me. I stumbled and rushed toward her when she spun to swing her heavy weapon at me. Heavier enemies needed to stay grounded and balanced but often forgot to protect their legs so with all my strength, I swung until my blade sliced flesh and bone. My breasts rose and fell when I stayed positioned on my knees with my arms spread, out of breath. Blood dripped from my sword’s gleaming blade and I watched a bird fly up from the forest to escape this madness. I barely heard the slight gasp as I stood tall and she peered at me with wide eyes before crumbling. Her body split just above her knees, blood spurting from arteries onto the snow. Tremors shook her form as she stared at me and reached out for someone across the battlefield.

           “You’re bleeding out,  _elder_ ,” I countered. “Two strikes.” My sword drove into her heart before a loud wail echoed over every sound in this hell. A massive marauder dressed in unique heavy armor, tossed three warriors away with his war hammer in pursuit of me.  _Bones and jewels._  It dawned on me suddenly as my fellow allies tried and failed to lunge at him, what I had done.

           I’d taken their  _Queen_. The heart of their commander.

            _Three strikes_ , I thought.

           “ _Check_ ,” I gasped silently. “ _Shit_.”

           In my shock, I realized I hadn’t moved so he hit me full force with the back of his gauntlet; my body tossed back into a tree with a sickening crack. It splintered like a toothpick against me before I rolled across snow and branches. Swiping up my fallen weapons, I sheathed them and ran backwards towards the clouds of smoke along the forest when he advanced.

           “I’m going to gut you,  _whore_!” He threatened and I jumped up onto a tree. The smoke and thick branches concealed me before I lunged into another and then a third. In my desperation, I covered my mouth and shook. “Where are you?!” He raged, hacking a tree down with one hit of his weapon.

            _Think, damn it!_

           My mind swirled with different possibilities. Different endings to this. They all were bleak. I moved pieces around in my head as if I wasn’t impulsive at heart. I wanted to be more like Loki and here was my chance. Stop and think. Pawn. Knight. Bishop. Rook. King. Queen.

           This King would take me.

           I imagined myself hiding longer. He’d find me eventually and split my head open to paint the snow in my brains.

            _I cannot hide._

           Perhaps, I’d try to surprise him with a well-placed stab to the back. He’d grab me from it and rip my head from my shoulders. Probably mount it on a spike.

            _I cannot attack._

           I could dash out of here and go deeper into the forest. But, I was bleeding and frozen. I wouldn’t get far. One swipe to take me down and fifty more to smash my heart until his need for revenge subsided.

            _I cannot run._

           I could stay here but just long enough for help to find me. He’d catch me with a blade to my throat. Slash it in front of my loved ones. Plow into them next.

            _I cannot wait._

           “I’ll find you!” He raged and my head spun.

            _Breathe. It’s going to be all right but you are running so low on time._  Tones swirled to protect me all along my brain. The guardian’s voices in my head curled along my ears.

           Running out of time.

            _You have to hurry_.

           Hurry. Yes.

            _You don’t have any other option._

           No…no options. No, I don’t.

            _What is the only other thing you can do?_

           One choice. The only means to survival.

            _Think! You cannot run, wait for help, hide, attack, or surprise._

           Yes, I understand.

            _You must do it. You must take the King._

           I will take the King.

            _You have to do it. One action. One move. Go._

           “I have to kill him. One shot.” My murmur didn’t carry above the wind and in one motion, I jumped clear over him. He roared and hit the ground with his hammer before chasing after me. My lungs burned with ice as I sprinted across battle, dodging and jumping over weapons and warriors as I caught sight of salvation. Many finally noticed my attacker when he charged through enemies and allies to get to me. Away from the heat of battle, I slid down into the ice covering the vast pool below the waterfall. He was growing closer, lifting his weapon when he cornered me at the frozen falls. I could see my terrified reflection and his furious one just behind me. The King sliding to take the opposite Queen.  _Face him._ I turned suddenly and didn’t close my eyes when the killing blow came down and missed me completely. Dodging to the side, I watched his hammer go straight into the ice. It crashed through and sent fractures in all directions before he paused in shock.

           My spar with Herlof danced around my brain as I started to hyperventilate from the cold. Win. My vision blurred but when he began to tug at his trapped weapon, I drove my dagger into the back of his thigh. Slicing open the right artery, blood spilled from his leg as I slipped and fell to crawl away from him. His scream vibrated the ice around me before he yanked his weapon out and the fractures grew, the biggest soared all the way up the stilled falls. This made him pause as he eyed me with pure hate and grabbed his wound, gritting his teeth.

           “Ngh-No…” he seethed, cracks formed around his feet as I slid away in a hurry. Water began to trickle in through perfectly opened fractals before the cracks split in one motion as freezing cold water crashed above us and began to fall.  With the waterfall awakening, I jogged to escape but merely slipped on ice while I tried to climb out of this pit.

            _Didn’t think this far_.

           Not helpful.

           I’m going to die.

           The commander was stumbling toward me, bleeding out as water rained down on him and the pool began to crack apart. Instead of falling through, he drove his handle into the ice as a means to keep himself up. My hands were wet and completely numb when I tried to crawl out and he fell through completely. This man was not letting death take him. He struggled and used the ice around him to get closer to me. My heartbeat slowed as I began to weaken, nails scraping against dirt and ice. The falls misted me with water as he shook erratically and went under again. Finally, I screamed a sound that barely carried above the battle.

           “You’re…dead,” he croaked, rowing toward me with his hammer. Pressed against the short cliff, I watched him try to lift his weapon once more before a beam of red flashed across my eyes. There was a mighty crack and my body jolted, eyes pressing closed when blood misted my face. Shaken, I opened them to watch my attempted killer jerk back into the water for good; revealing Thor behind him with Mjolnir covered in blood and intestines.

           “I did it,” I chuckled weakly, stepping toward Thor. “ _Checkmate_.” Falling forward, I let Thor catch me before I too could fall into the dark depths around me.

           “You did this…” Thor marveled before he realized my declining state. “Focus. Stay with me.” Flying upward, he came into the snow and kneeled before the ended battle. Another victory for us. _Was that what I was feeling? Victorious?_ “Healers!”

           “I’m…okay…” I caught my breath and came away from him to rest on my hands and knees. I should be happy and proud. I successfully defended my home. More enemies would come and we would rise up to defend our realm. _Be happy_ , my parent’s voices created a chorus in my head.  _You’re never happy, just get over yourself and feel pride._

Why?

           I thought I would feel different.

           My father would never kiss me on the head and tell me that he would always love me and that he was proud.

           My mother would never allow me to feel what I was feeling and hold me. She’d never chase my monsters away.

           I would never feel good enough.

           Nothing connected in my head and told me that I was worthy.

           “The leaders. Where are they?” An warrior asked when many gathered around me. A pair of hands grabbed at my shoulders and I had to let the healer force a warming tonic into my mouth.

           “Dead.” I rasped after pushing my helper away so they could tend to someone else.

           “How?” A few inquired at the same time and Thor opened his mouth to speak but I cut over him, pointing.

           “It was all Thor…” I couldn’t catch my breath. “I was foolish to challenge him on my own. That beastly leader. But,  _Prince_  Thor came and fought him off in an epic battle for the ages. He was so brave. The credit is all his…he saved me. I’d be dead…were it not for Thor. Our heir. Our hero.” I pushed another healer from me and grabbed Thor’s wrist. He stared at me, expression etched in confusion as I lifted his hand into the air. Asgardians cheered and gathered around us but, I left Thor there to bask in boons I could not indulge in and squeezed through the crowds. Clutching my bleeding shoulder, I fell to my knees a few yards away as Thor was lifted into the air and praised behind me. I fantasized about turning into a black hole. Using snow to wipe the blood from my face, I lingered there to catch my breath. Closing my eyes, I inhaled sharply and pushed the urge to cry away. Something heavy fell over my shoulders, breaking my daze so I turned my head to see Loki next to me while his cloak warmed me. He stood tall, dignified somewhat despite just having been in terrible battle. Clasping his hands, he puffed a cold exhale and didn’t look at me. Upset somehow.

           “You might believe that no one in this realm notices you. But, I see you.” His voice was harsh. I sat there kneeling next to him and didn’t drop my gaze. “I saw you, damn it. I will not ask you why you did what you did. Why you lied back there. Nor will I reveal the truth if that  _bloody_  sets you at ease. But, you will not dare ever do something as self-destructive and foolish as to give credit to another when it belongs to you.”

           “Loki-”

           “I’m also pleased that you’re not dead,” he crossed in front of me and stalked off. Standing, I held Loki’s cloak close to me and gazed back at them all celebrating Thor. The pride of Asgard. Snow fell peacefully against my face when I pressed my lips and walked from them. Following after Loki’s quick steps, I watched him speed up as if he sensed me which caused me to hurry. My shoulder was bleeding still onto his perfect cloak and I began to chase after him; away from the others. Loki hopped into a vehicle alone and I had to jump over the side before it could take off without me. “Not staying to celebrate.”

           “They are…” I groaned and propped myself up on the floor. Still, he didn’t look at me. “They’re going to celebrate for weeks. I’m sure I’ll see some of it.”

           “I’m dropping you off at our nearest camp.”

           “I’m riding home with you. You’re angry with me.”

           “You don’t want to be stuck in a vehicle with me while I’m upset with you.” He sniffed the air. “And your bleeding has not stopped.”

           “It stopped…mostly.” I watched Loki huff aloud before he turned his sight to me and jerked one of the levers to set it on auto-pilot.

           “You’re in the early stages of hypothermia and yet it is your wish to stay here.”

           “I am  _fine_.” I insisted for what felt like the millionth time. “The cloak helps a lot.”

           “ _Still_.” Loki tilted his head and sighed before coming down to my side. Above us, cold wind rushed by as he carefully wrapped the cloak tightly around me and uncovered just my wounded shoulder. “How did you come to challenge the leader? You would not do it on purpose.”

           “I killed the person he loved. She challenged me and I took her down… I didn’t know until I heard his screams. You don’t scream like that for just  _anyone_.” I let Loki push a pouch into my hands.

           “It’s water. Drink it all.” He searched his things for a healing stone and crushed it into my shoulder without warning me.

           “Ah! Damn it, Loki!” I muffled a curse into the fur lining of his cloak.

           “Drink.” He stated in a simple tone once more. Ruefully, I popped the top off and gulped down fresh water. “Gods, your clothing is soaked.” Loki muttered a spell to dry me and lifted a seat up to pull three fur blankets out. Cocooning my body, he shifted next to me and stared silently at the controls for a moment. When I nudged his arm with my head, he lifted it and pressed me into his side so I could put my head on his collar. “I’m still angry with you.”

           “Yes, I can hear your heart speeding, it sounds furious,” my joke caused him to smirk.

           “What happened next?”

           “He went berserk and chased me into the forest.” I observed. “I knew I couldn’t rationally fight him…so I trapped him. Picked up a few tips from spars…and certain tricksters I won’t name.”

           “You’ve been talking to  _other_  tricksters behind my back?” His show of humor set me at ease as he held me. “I’m offended now.”

           “I just can’t win with you today,” I shrugged. “He shattered the waterfall and broke the ice around us, gave me the chance to stab him. He was dead then but his soul refused to leave his body without taking me too. Thor showed up when he was sinking and, in a way, finished him. The cold was overcoming me and he brought me to safety.” Loki was silent for another beat.

           “Father’s going to enjoy your lie better than the truth when we arrive home.”

           “Asgard will enjoy it as a whole. Heir prince single-handedly executes leader. Much better than simple peasant woman accidently fighting and killing him with ice and freezing cold water.” I added.

           “Not to me.” Loki shifted and looked down at me when I turned to wind my arms around his torso.

           “I know.”

           “What are you doing?” He brought the many furs back over me and had to cover himself as well.

           “I lied today so I have to balance it out with a truth.”

           “I am afraid that is not quite how it works,” he chuckled, hand coming to touch my arm, squeezing when his other pressed to my back. “Rest.”

           “Can I give you something?” I asked instead, eyes flickering over his dirtied face.

           “What?”

           “I want to give you a small truth first. I want to give you something that was taken from me because you are my friend.” Shaken, I reached up to touch just under his cheekbone where a light bruise had formed. “I trust you and in my life that means more than…” Instantly, I quieted myself before I said too much. Leaning up toward him, I watched him draw forward but stop and place his hand on my temple. Fingers shifted into my hair before his thumb traced a line along my cheek.

           “You’re tired, frozen…and not thinking properly.”

           “Two out of three,” tears filled my eyes before I sniffed and pressed my face into his chest.

           “You must rest,” Loki reasoned and his hand didn’t leave my head before a wave of fatigue washed over me.

           “Just do it,” I sighed. “Before you do. I need to know… Are you angry with me for not taking credit that should have been mine…or for giving that credit to Thor?” Loki pressed his lips and twitched like he might cry. But, he didn’t. His face was perfect marble.

           “Both. I can say from the depths of my heart…that I am angrier with the former. Years ago, it may be the latter. But, today…right now. This moment. The first makes me angrier and I am…compromised by that.” Loki turned his head sharply before he looked back and continued. “You’re better than that.”

           “Am I?” I swallowed and tried not to sound bitter. “How do you know? Because you  _see_  me? Because you believe I’m this good girl?”

           “ _Good_?” Loki chuckled at that. “By Valhalla, no. What you did today was ugly. Impressive though. You’re one of my closest friends and that means you’ll do something ugly toward me one day perhaps. Friend implies comfort and comfort implies no more pretending. You’ll get comfortable enough to hurt me. In truth, I may return the favor.”

           “Will you forgive me then?”

           “Yes.” Loki about grinned. “Always.” I felt Loki’s fingers shift to the back of my skull and,  _gods_ , I was so tired.

           “Who are you comfortable enough with to hurt, Loki?” I asked, eyes heavy. “Me?”

           “Oh, yes.” Loki cocked his head. “I’m compromised, you see, because I have to beg the Norns that I will not. Foolish to wish on fallen stars. I’m certain that they simply burst into horrid cackles at that…  _Rest_.” He willed to me in a murmur and I held to his chest, body growing tired under his influence.

           “Hurt me.” I begged softly and Loki cradled the back of my head to bring me closer before he tilted to kiss my forehead for a lingering speck of time. I breathed him in and then I was gone when sleep took me so very far away.

** ** **

           “We’re here,” a voice called to me, hours later. “We’re home.” Lifting my head, I rubbed my eyes and realization hit me when I saw the palace gleam beyond the trees. Loki had put distance between us as I was curled up across from him, now seated next to the controls. Fixing my clothing and hair, I saw crowds of returning warriors greeting family and being tended by healers. “Mother…” Loki gasped softly before passing me to get out as Frigga raced to take him into her arms.

           “I’m surprised you didn’t stay back with Thor longer,” she kissed his cheek. “But, I’m happier that you’re home with me.” Awkwardly, I got out and watched the many reunions. My mother and father were not in sight. Something collapsed under my skin. Molten rocks fell against the earth behind my eyes. Shuffling my feet, I slowly backed away in my tattered outfit with Loki’s cloak still wrapped around my shoulders. “Where do you think you are going?” Frigga’s stern tone caught me before I turned only to be embraced.

           “My Queen, I-”

           “Frigga.” She had to correct me. “I’m so proud of you. I know your mother is as well.” Frigga held my face and kissed my cheeks. “You fought well, I heard. Heimdall had…so very much to say. Come now, let me look you over near the healer’s tent.” Unable to refuse, I let her sit me down on a tall cot and check on me. “Loki, you as well.”

           “Mother…” He cleared his throat.

           “Sit down, young man.” Frigga’s word was law because Loki slid next to me and let his mother’s fuss over him. When I smirked, he shot me a look that caused me to snort and cover my mouth. “You both should be fine. A little warmth and a home cooked meal should do you. Loki, your father is eager to speak with you.”

           “Right,” Loki shifted after Frigga kissed his temple and moved to speak with head healer, Elisif. A tall beauty of a dark skinned woman with a broad, graceful body and low tone to her voice. “Take care of yourself until I see you again.”

           “Yes,” I nodded quietly, hands gripping my knees. “You as well.”

           “You did well you know. Regardless of anything else.” Loki shook his head and got up. “Fandral will likely return your things to you from camp.”

           “All right,” I whispered. He shifted to go and I caught Frigga casting him a glance he didn’t notice. I wished I knew what she was thinking but, she shook her head and turned back to Elisif. “Loki, wait,” I remembered his cloak and rushed toward him, pulling it from my shoulders. He stared at me and put a hand out. “You forgot this.”

           “Keep it.” He cast me a somber look and I hardened myself.

           “I can’t.” _You know I cannot._ “It’s lovely but, I can’t.” He didn’t want my gift earlier. I tried and he didn’t want it. But, that’s okay.

           “Come now, I want you to have it.” He pushed it toward me but I didn’t bend this time.

           “Thank you, but I can’t keep this. Please.” I stiffened and held it toward him like it was going to burn me. “Loki, I don’t need your charity. Please, take it.” My hands shook when he pulled the fabric from me, unblinking and utterly confused. Unable to muster up anymore words, I dropped my head and turned quickly from him to hurry away. Wanting to be far from here, I set my path and readied for my next battle. My mother met me at the bridge and hugged me with words of how she loved and missed me. I held her tightly and wished I was a little girl again. Friends around her fussed and shot off questions before my mother pulled me off.

           “You’re a mess. Let’s get you cleaned up now, darling,” she guided me home and music could be heard in all the pubs already. “Are you going out tonight to celebrate with friends?”

           “I’m…not sure. We didn’t talk about that.” When I saw our front door, I stopped walking and she looked back in question. Before she could speak, the door opened and my father descended the steps to greet me with a tight embrace. Shocked, I didn’t hug back and he was talking at me like nothing happened.

           “Let’s celebrate,” he got me inside and I pressed near a wall in the kitchen. His hand never left my shoulder. Fingers pressed down and locked in place, I was petrified. “Why not fetch us a fresh pie from the bakery? Get her favorite.” Oh gods. I knew then that his goal was to get me alone.

           “I can go with.” I quivered. My mother looked at me. I begged her not to leave me alone with him. She saw it in my eyes. So, she looked away. She always looked away when I needed her.

           “Nonsense, you must relax. Have a seat. I want to hear all about it.” My father grinned at me and tucked some hair behind my ear but, I didn’t move. “Go.” His order caused my mother to shift to go out after he’d tossed a pouch of silver coins at her to pay with. The second the door closed, he chuckled and looked at me before grabbing my jaw to slam me into the wall. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

           “What is funny about bringing honor and glory to our name, father?” My expression of amusement caused him to repeat the action. Harder this time. Old paint chipped against my hair. The wall caved in against my skull and I saw stars burst. My lips mashed shut to not let him hear the pain he’d caused me. He didn’t deserve it.

           “I am your father. You will respect that.” When he turned, I blurted out my next words.

           “How can I when you have never acted as one? Can’t harm mother but have at me all you will.” My fingers curled into fists as I braced to be hit but he just turned to see me. Hands smacked by my head and I flinched.

           “I fed you. Clothed you. Kept a damn roof over your head. Led you to be great and this is the thanks I get?” His tone was dangerous. “You’re going to obey. You’re going to get our family out of this gutter by my command even if it means I tell you to fuck every man on the royal council. So smile and tell me you love me. Tell me you're mine. Understand?” My father got his arms around me and gave my bottom a squeeze. I pushed at him, lungs seizing when his body was flush against mine. “You’re not eating the sweets today. Feels like you don’t need them.” He shoved me back into the wall and I slipped to the floor. Rage curled into my stomach as I stared at the ground but this time, I exhaled calmly and braced my hands against the wood.

           “Thor and I grew so very close on this trip…he took care of me.” This stopped my father in his tracks. “I was so cold. But, he was warm…at night…in my bed. Against my body.” Lashing out, he kicked me in the stomach this time with enough force to yank the air from my lungs. My body began to spasm as I tried to breathe. He knew he'd gone too far.

           “Shit,” he muttered to himself before coming to my level. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Father hushed me and yanked me to my feet as I held myself and groaned in pain. “You’re fine. See.” He was petting my hair and kissing my face. Tending to me like I was a wounded animal. Mumbling empty apologies. “Go to your room and rest. Tell your mother you’re tired and you need it.” Unable to speak, I stumbled against the wall and felt my way to my room. After closing my door, I fell to my knees and gulped for air. I hacked and coughed, greedily trying to get air into my lungs. I had to lock my door when the fear that he would force his way in gripped at me. My tender stomach ached as I pulled off my clothing and armor before getting into bed. Sleep came after two potions.

           Was this how heroes were supposed to feel?

           Is that what I was?

           No. Not yet.

** ** **

           It was dark when someone knocked on my window, beckoning my tired form to get up. I put a robe over my underclothes and recognized the knock before Fandral’s face smiled from the other side of the glass. Lightning a candle, I opened the window and he leaned against the side to whisper.

           “Greetings, pretty lady, you come here often?” His charms caused my face to go flat as I touched the sore spot on my stomach.

           “To my own bedroom?  _Nay_.” I joked as he set my bag in the window.

           “You rushed off in a hurry.” He commented. “Come, the celebrations have only just begun.”

           “I think I’m going to stay in for tonight.” I shrugged. “Battle is draining, you see. How’s Volstagg?”

           “He’s back to his old self. Might take a bit for his beard to fully grown back. Still able to put back his share of ale.”

           “Well, I’m glad he’s back to doing what’s important in life.” I smirked. “I didn’t get to see the famous dashing Fandral in action.”

           “You couldn’t handle the dashing Fandral in  _action_.” Fandral chuckled before he thought for a moment. “Apologies, it’s difficult to say that without me sounding sexual.”

           “You?  _Sexual_? Never.” I rolled my eyes. “Fandral the  _untouched_  is more like it.”

           “Gods, please do not spread any such rumor.”

           “But, I’ve already created the posters and now I have to get rid of them.”

           “Very funny.” He crossed his arms on my window ledge. “Sure you don’t want to enjoy the first of many parties?”

           “No, thank you, I’m certain that I’ll be dragged to a few.”

           “All right, just know that the others asked about you.” He touched my hand and I smiled.

           “Let them know that I am fine and I hope they enjoy the nightlife.” I sighed. “You as well.”

           “Take care, my sweet lady.”

           “You too…you dashing, untouched, stable boy fantasy of a man.” My jest caused him to laugh aloud before he covered his mouth.

           “This is why I’ll handle the nicknames.” He kissed my knuckles sweetly and slipped his fingers from mine. “Farewell.”

           “Goodnight,” I watched him go and raised my candle. The flame danced before my face gracefully as I lifted my eyes to the stars and blew it out. After closing the window, I checked the locks on my door. I defied my father. The worst thing a daughter could do. He would lash out and strike back but he would make me wait. Oh yes, my father would torture me with time with terrifying stares over the dinner table. Might even try to convince me that he has a touch of compassion, a soft spot in his heart only for me. But, he would take that away only when my eyes shown belief in such things.

           The worst thing a father could do.

** ** **

           Still, I never saw the axe again. I wouldn’t until father wanted me too. Celebrations lasted for weeks after. I indulged in a few late nights of silence while my friends excitedly told stories around me. Thor cast me looks of confusion but, I didn’t allow him to get me alone to ask the question I knew had been plaguing his mind. I wondered if he lost sleep over it. I bet that I had become an ache he had at night or in the early hours of the morning. My father was civil. He smiled upon seeing my face and always made it a point to put his hands on me. My shoulder. My cheek. He became the expert on separating me from my mother. She worked often and it wasn’t as if she wanted to be in the same room as her husband. So, she avoided my eyes and left me to handle him. I wondered if they ever liked each other. I wondered if they liked me.

           I hoped they did.

           “Come here before you go, darling, I have something to show you.” My father coaxed. “Sit.” When I silently seated myself on the opposite side of the sofa, he scooted closer in an instant. “I’ve realized that perhaps I haven’t been fair or clear to you.”

           “Oh.” My fingers were white when I clasped them in my lap. He opened a case on the table and that cursed axe smiled at me from it.

           “I’d like to talk about what’s important. You. Your mother. Everything I do is to keep you on the right path.”

            _On your leash._

           “I know,” I tensed when his hand laid upon my thigh and squeezed. My heart jolted.

           “It’s not fair.” He muttered and I didn’t know what he was referring to. “It was better, you know, when you were young.” I tried to figure what he meant but feared the possibility, the truth of it all, could kill me. Again. His fingers began to hurt me as they dug into my skin but I knew not to move. “This axe was my first. Given to me by my father. It never failed me. Not like you did weeks ago.” He sniffed and I realized that he was crying as he turned to me. The hand that squeezed my thigh came to rest on the back of my neck. “You’re my little girl. I just want you to know how lucky you are. I love you and I wanted to be a part of you.” He kissed my cheek and I closed my eyes tightly. “Why don’t you want me to be with you? Why did you have to grow up? You developed so early into a woman, fattened up. The other men liked to see you. Your chest spilled out of your tunics. Your hips would sway and I caught them looking at you when you bent over. I was so embarrassed of it all. You don't want me to feel that way, do you? You don't want me to be in your life?”

           “I can't...help what I-...I… It isn’t that…” I was crying now too. “I’m no good with that weapon, dad.”

           “You will,” he hardened himself once I was emotional. “You can train and if you just put in some damned effort-”

           “Please-” Unable to speak, I shook my head and he hushed me.

           “You’ll have to use it now, I suppose. I already took care of your sword.”

           “…What?” Eyes wide, I tried to get up from the couch but he grabbed my hair to keep me in place. “ _Ah_!”

           “Apologize for being a terrible, ungrateful child.” He wanted me to be that little girl again. 

           “What did you do to them?” I cried but he yanked hard and I wept. “I’m sorry!” My hands latched to his wrist to get him to loosen his grip. “Give them back, please.”

           “This is your future. I am your future. Look!” He smashed the side of my head against the table. “Nod… If you want your sword back, you’ll have to take a swim. You know where. Oh, I forgot.  _You can’t_.” His other hand was on my thigh to keep me from kicking. Father squeezed my tender skin and I sobbed finally, face crumbling. The sounds of the door unlocking caused him to jolt before he ripped me up by the hair and crushed my face into his chest. I was shaking and sobbing, my breaths short as panic gripped me.

           “What happened?” My mother’s soft gasp sounded and I couldn’t speak. My father smothered me and hushed me with sweet words.

           “There, there… Let it out.” He rubbed my head. “She lost her sword and dagger in the pond today. Her friend’s gifts. Accident. But, I’ve assured her that I’m not mad and it doesn’t matter. She has my axe now. Right, darling?” He took my face in his hands and stared until I nodded, lip quivering. “Here, feel better.” Father pushed the axe into my shaken hands and stood to kiss my mother. My fingers curled around the handle and she glanced at me with a look that let on more than it should have. But, it wasn’t as if she could or would do anything.

            _Mother, help me._

_To hell with them both._

           “I’ll make you both something,” my mother began and he shifted to pass her as I robotically stood.

            _Do it._

_No, stop and think._

_Do it now._

_It doesn’t matter if we live or die._

_Yes, it does._

_Just kill him._

           My mother caught my face when my father’s back turned and I lifted the axe without thinking before she rushed forward to subtly grab its handle. My daze broke before I glanced at her and lowered my shoulders. She looked at me and for a flicker of her small life, saw me for what I was. But, that star died in her eyes.

           “I’ll wield it proudly in your name, father.” I dropped it into its case. “For now, I have somewhere to be.”

           “Not hungry?” She asked but I had grabbed a thin cloak and rushed out the door. I knew where he stashed it and I pained me. My legs trembled as I jogged toward a pond I almost drowned in once as a child through melted snow. My parents tried to teach me to swim in it one summer and forced me in as a child. It didn't work. Trees lined the area and the road was just beyond them. I could see footprints and a hole in the thin ice where they must have landed and floated to the bottom. 

            _Don’t do this._

           I was a fool.

            _Stop._

_Stupid girl._

_It doesn’t matter._

           Sliding carefully down the hill, I grabbed to a thick root at the bottom of a tree and tried to lean my body over to see. The water was too dark and I grew frustrated, further craning my neck before there was a snap and I hit the freezing water full force. Gasping, I coughed on water and flailed my arms to grab onto something. Ice cracked around me and I went under once before kicking to come back up. Terror gripped my heart and I began to shout, my body in a complete frenzy.

           “Help!” I managed to lift up onto some thicker ice but it was cracking and I was shaken with cold. “Help me!” Forced under, I tried to swim to the edge but I wasn’t going anywhere.

            _Calm down._

           But, I couldn’t. My body felt like stone, like the water pressured my limbs until they couldn't work. I splashed and panicked and that didn’t end when two hands yanked me from the water. Sobbing, I kicked and screamed and fought who held me until they took my face.

           “You’re safe now!” Hogun was looking at me. “You’re safe.” Shivering, I stared at him with dark makeup dripping from my eyes like smeared war paint.

           “My sword,” I cried, “it’s gone.” Hogun glanced from me to the lake and propped me up before I clung to him. I almost pulled away, but he pressed my head under his chin like he would a child to console them. Hogun held me to him to let me weep and dig my fingers into his shoulders.

           “There will be other swords.” He stated gently and I realized a few strangers had gathered behind him. “Medic.” All of them moved at once but one dashed toward me and kneeled down. “You’re okay. I’m here… You are lucky this time. I was escorting new healers to the palace to work under the queen from a far village. This one heard you.” The woman was my age about with black hair and large, shining eyes. Her features were beautifully reminiscent of Hogun’s but her skin was a stunning shade of brown. She looked like she was made of the sun itself. We locked gazes and she froze up as if she was nervous. My eyes drew wider at the sight of her, awed. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. My lips parted without sound. But, she reached out to take my face and heal a bruise I didn’t know I had. The soft teal light engulfed her hands; dark eyes staring into mine. Light from the white sky framed her head like a halo as I blinked up at her.

           “Who are you?” I breathed softly before I could stop myself.

           “I am Moira,” her voice was silk and I gave her my name when she asked for it.

           “Let’s get her in the carriage. We should bring her before the palace healers. Queen Frigga will want to ensure you’re all right.” Hogun coaxed, as another healer closed a blanket around my arms. He tugged it firmly around me and thanked the person behind me but I was staring at this woman still before she took her hands away.

           “This is my second brush with freezing to death.” I joked finally and Hogun raised his brow before tilting his lip up.

           “Let’s hope winter ends before you’ve a chance at a third time.” He got me to stand and Moira helped me with him up the hill and into the large carriage. “A sword isn’t worth your life. I’ve lost weapons. More than I’d like to count. Volstagg snapped one in half during a spar mere years ago.” Hogun tried when he saw me look out the window one last time.

           “I remember that. He apologized for weeks.” I tried to smile. “And, I know… It was an accident. It shouldn’t matter anymore… I felt bad because it was the one you all gave me.” I looked down at my hands and he rubbed my arms over the blanket to warm me in the slightest. “Thank you, Hogun.”

           “Had Moira not heard you as we passed, I might not have gotten there in time.” Hogun nodded and Moira stared at me with an unreadable expression before she smiled finally at me. Her voice was a song.

           “It must have been fate.”

** ** **

           “I know, I shouldn’t have even tried,” I swallowed and stared at the floor. Healers busied around Frigga before she took my chin to lift it. Her magic dried and mended my clothing up. “It was an accident. I might thank Hogun a million more times this week.”

           “Fortunately, you are fine.” She sighed and tucked some hair behind my ear. “I am sorry.”

           “About what?” I asked when she turned.

           “Oh? I’m sorry you had to experience that. I know how you are around the water, remember?" She watched me nod without elaborating. "Why not stay here for the day? I gave you free reign of the library eons ago.” She smiled and touched my shoulder. “I’m sorry but, I have to tend to my new lords and ladies. Eir and Elisif will have their hands full. Plus we have new warriors moving into palace quarters next week.”

           “Yes, I think Fandral was interested in that. We’ll see how long that lasts.”

           “He is…an adventurous one.” Frigga smirked lightly.

           “I’ll miss him around the village.” I got up from the cot and stretched. “I’ll leave you to it…maybe I will visit the library.”

           “Stay warm, dear.”

           “I will try.” I waved as Frigga cast me a lingering look and turned to go to Eir. Pausing before I got to the door, I cleared my throat and approached Moira. “I wanted to-” She jumped, startled somehow and dropped the pad in her hand on the counter before turning to me. “Sorry…”

           “No, it’s just…this feels all so new to me.” She chuckled.

           “Queen Frigga’s intimidating from time to time but there isn’t anyone in Asgard with a bigger heart.” I clasped my hands. “I just wanted to thank you again for today…and it was nice to meet you. Moira.”

           “Yes. It’s no issue. I’m pleased that you’re well now.” She held a shaken hand out to me. “Perhaps, I will see more of you.”

           “I do not wish to brag but, I end up in here on occasion, I’m certain you will.” I took her hand and felt something spark against my skin. Moira bid me farewell so I left the healing room and turned down the hallway to go to the library. I wiped my fingers under my eyes to ensure the makeup was fixed for the most part and entered the quiet space. Asgardians silently roamed the downstairs and spoke in hushed tones at the tables. I rolled my dried sleeves up and hung my cloak with the others before going up to the empty third floor. My fingers trailed over the spines of books before I picked one and found a corner in the shelves to read in. I was barely a chapter in before footsteps hurried toward me.

           “We must speak.” Thor exhaled at the end of the row and I groaned.

           “Your mother?”

           “…Yes. She told me what happened and that you’d be here.” Thor shuffled his feet in a motion that was very unlike him. “Are you all right?”

           “Yes. Much warmer now…” I paused and couldn’t help my somber tone. “I lost my sword…I’m sorry.”

           “No. I’ve lost and broken my share of weapons. Fortunately, I now have an indestructible one that comes when called.” Thor’s attempt at humor caused me to brighten just a bit before I spoke.

            “Does she know…about what happened with the marauders?”

           “Of course, mother knows most things before I do…though I did tell her.” Thor swallowed and approached. “Might I sit with you?”

           “It’s your palace,” I smirked and he relaxed. “But, even you have to keep your voice down in the library.” Someone had begun to play the piano softly downstairs with a harpist joining in and I enjoyed the music while it filled the space.

           “Right,” Thor slipped to sit next to me. “Apologies for interrupting your book.”

           “I’ve read this one.” I shrugged and he gestured toward the novel.

           “I have as well,” he slipped the book from my hand to see the cover. “It’s a great one.”

           “You have?” I smiled as he set it next to him. Thor nodded and held back his question so I exhaled. “You can ask.”

           “Why did you lie? I finished that beast of a man off but you…” Thor shook his head. “I might owe it to you.”

           “I guess I didn’t want…or think that someone like me deserved…” I sighed and leaned back against the books as Thor peered at me. “So much led up to that moment. Me on a real battlefield. Away from our villages.” Finally, I turned to gaze back at Thor’s face and I realized he was listening rather intently. “Do you ever stare at your life and feel…shortchanged. I understand it often isn’t as you imagine it. But, how you feel and how you think you’re supposed to feel…it just never lines up.”

           “Mother and father always tell me that expectations are dangerous.”

           “I thought that I would feel…proud…and that perhaps something in my life might change. But, I didn’t. I’m just…lost. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I don’t know what makes me happy. I want to impress those around me and when I receive positivity, affection, I get all awkward about it. And I’m spilling my guts to the future King of Asgard.”

           “You can spill your guts to me when I’m King,” Thor shrugged. “Metaphorically, of course.” He nudged my shoulder with his and I let myself smile. “Think I won’t be your friend when I’m King?”

           “Maybe,” I fiddled with a strand of my hair and chuckled.

           “As for not knowing what to do… I believe few here do. They fake it until they figure it out. You’re lucky…to not have a set path ahead of you. In a way, there could be freedom you’ve not known before. You might not feel it now. But, after that clever maneuvering with the waterfall…I don’t doubt that you’ll burn a path for yourself.”

           “You’ve a set path but we all know you’ll smash your own. Gracefully, perhaps.” I chuckled when he smiled at me

           “My family never liked my style of punching my way out but I find it’s rather effective.”

           “You’ll turn Loki’s hair silver early when you rule together.” I wrapped my arms around my legs and giggled to myself.

           “He’ll use some spell to conceal it and then turn my hair white or shear it off while I sleep in revenge. Wouldn’t be his first time.”

           “Also true,” I let Thor lean on me slightly while he laughed before quieting himself. Staring at him now, I pressed my lips and exhaled. “Speaking of sleep, I hope I didn’t kick you when we shared a tent in the forest.”

           “You move around on occasion and murmur but you didn’t kick. Truthfully, even if you did, I may have been sleeping too heavily to notice.” Thor shrugged. “I did worry that you were not comfortable.”

           “I’m plenty comfortable with you. I mean, we grew up together and experienced…our share. You can come off as intimidating but it works for you. We’re friends, my prince.”

           “Yes.” Thor swallowed and I came to rest my hand over his in a hesitant motion. “You’ve know my family for a long while and…you’ll always have a home with us.”

           “Can I ask you something off topic and…frankly weird?”

           “Uh,” Thor blinked. “Yes?”

           “Have you ever been in love?”

           “With the heat of battle. It is my mistress,” his jest caused me to scoff before he grew serious. “I haven’t. I’ve know a lot of love. But, if you are referring from a point of romance. No. You?”

           “…Yes.” The syllable was silent and hurried.

           “Relax. You don’t have to say who.” Thor watched me cross my arms again and turn from him briefly.

           “It’s…upsetting.”

           “Why?”

           “I’m frightened. I don’t fully know how they feel and if they do want to be with me, I wonder why they haven’t tried. But, that isn't fair, because I'm too scared to try as well. And I'm not sure I'm ready...for something like that but, I know how I feel. I'm just not sure if it's enough.”

           “Perhaps, they are also frightened.” Thor quirked up his brow. “You should tell them. When you’re ready.”

           “That might be a while. A man tried to kiss me months ago and I found that I couldn’t…” I caught myself. “I was awkward. In truth, I didn’t really want him to. But, I considered it. And it got me thinking that maybe I’m not good at… _intimacy_. I’m not sure if I feel that attraction. Romance, yes. But, the...sexual part. I think I'd want to but I don't really feel...the charge. Not fully.”

           “That is fine. I think intimacy will come easier to you than you believe. If it helps, I don’t often feel attraction to partners until I’ve connected to them more. It's always been more of Loki and Fandral's thing. But, it's fine to not feel the charge, you just need to be intimate in a way that works for you. Everyone is different.” Thor paused. “I’ve never told anyone that before, about my relationships. I know I get...heated after battle during festivities. But, they paint me as if I’m this…”

           “Constant sexual player of the field?” I guessed and he glanced at me before shrugging. “Fandral has the field covered. Not that he isn’t completely sweet and courteous about his lovers.”

           “This man who kissed you; if they held ill intentions or harmed you, I’m ready and willing to smash in their ribcage.” Thor changed his tone and I tried to hide my amusement. “Just say the word.”

           “Tempting, but I’m over it. I think your brother wanted to do something similar in a more secretive way. Such is his nature.”

           “You told Loki about this? Hm.” Thor smirked and I pushed at his shoulder.

           “Don’t get any ideas.”

           “You are good at intimacy when you trust. Even if you struggle.” He sounded certain. “What we are doing now is a type intimacy. There are many ways to be intimate.”

           “I guess you’re right…” I trailed off fondly and looked up at him. “I’m trying not to consider that kiss as my first kiss.”

           “It was your first?” Thor asked before he could stop himself.

           “ _No_ ,” I hid my face in my knees. “Kind of. Not really because it doesn’t count.”

           “Fair enough.” Thor’s eyes averted before he dropped his shoulders. “Is it your wish to have your first?”

           “Sometimes. I’ve seen all of you with…partners at some point. I saw more of Fandral and his lover than I liked once but that was my fault for walking in.”

           “You probably have that in common with every citizen of Asgard. He never locks the doors.”

           “I know, right?” I laughed and set my hands out. “I keep telling him that but, he never listens.”

           “So, who did you have in mind for this first kiss? The real first kiss.” Thor stared at me with bright blue eyes and I tilted my head when we both grew serious.

           “Thor…are you offering?”

           “You’ve been my friend for a long time and I’m intelligent enough to know when you have been struggling. I try not to press as it is in my nature to. I know I’m not the one you are in love with and I don’t expect to magically will away your sadness. But, right now, I do want to kiss your lips. Call it a simple act of friendship. I want you to share a kiss with someone who cares about you on a deeper level and someone who is not afraid to tell you that. You deserve someone brave enough to admit that they love you with all of their heart.” Thor didn’t speak when my eyes watered before he lifted his hand to touch my cheek and stop one tear from falling.

           “You deserve someone who sees you as more than the future King of Asgard. But, as the compassionate, strong,  _loud_ , amazing, bold man you are growing into. You deserve someone who knows that you are trying your hardest to learn all you can before you take…that throne…” I touched Thor’s wrist and closed my eyes when he came down to capture my lips after I offered them. It was soft, barely there. A slow wink against time.

           “Thank you,” he whispered, before pecking my lips once more. Thor and I parted and turned to stare at the lone row of books ahead of us. "You see? Not bad?" Shifting, I touched my fingers to my lips and smiled to myself before Thor suppressed a grin next to me. He gave a breathless chuckle.

           “We’re not at all-”

           “No,” He laughed aloud. “We’re not.”

           “That was-”

           “Filled with the air friendship.”

           “Don’t say you think of me as a sister and make this weird.” As if I wasn’t thinking the same thing.

           “I won’t.” Thor covered his mouth to stop laughing as I buried my face in his shoulder. He reached over to hand me my book back so I opened it to the page I left on. I reached out and laughed when he professionally shook my hand and stood up.

           “I needed this. Thank you.” I smiled fully at Thor’s face when he beamed.  

           “I’ll leave you to it.” He nodded and turned but stopped at the end of the hallway. “I’m going to say something and it isn’t my intention to…”

           “Yes?”

           “Loki is a damned fool.” Thor tilted his head up to affirm his statement. I tried not to react, merely nodding my head once before he turned and left. Once he was gone, I let out my breath and smiled again to myself. We’d never speak of this again as if it never happened and I’d be contented with that.

           But, for the first time, one flicker of my soul believed that maybe I was on the right path.

** ** **

           “You’re home.” My mother poked her head from around the kitchen doorway when I shut the backdoor.

           “You were gone long,” my father commented, polishing his boots on the livingroom table.

           “I went to the palace library after I saw Frigga.” I shrugged. “Ran into Thor and we started talking.” I turned and poured myself some water but, I felt their stares.

           “What did Prince Thor have to say?” My mother was mixing a small bowl of what looked like raisin bread. It must have been for my father because neither my mother nor I liked it. When I held their interest, I pushed. I pushed and pushed until they cracked. The same way they tried to push me on a Prince and heir.

           “We just talked about my performance…in battle, of course. Also, he’s an avid reader. I feel like I learn new things about him every single day.” I trailed my fingers along the sink when I caught my father’s stare before I look a long gulp of cold water. “I can’t wait to take the axe out with me to training tomorrow. Thor said he’d practice with me; to improve my form. Could take hours.” The glass bottle of shoe polish in my father’s hand shattered between his tightly clenched fist in a sudden motion that made my mother jump.  _Checkmate_.

           “Oh! Grab a towel, dear.”

           “I’ll handle it, mother. Could you fill a bucket with warm water for him?” I set my glass down and came to my father’s side, wrapping a large towel around his wounded hand. He hissed and my mother rushed to do as I asked.

            _You must survive him._

_I’ll ensure he has to survive me first._

           “We’ve been silly haven’t we? All this fighting.” I began, my tone coy.

           “I’ve been stressed with work. As has your mother.” He flicked his eyes from me rubbing the towel into his hand to get some of the polish off to my face. “I had to put you in your place. Do you have any idea what my name is worth? And I want it on you.”

           “Water under the bridge.” I smirked offhandedly, massaging his fingers over the cloth.

           “That feels good. Helps the pain.” He whispered and I sighed, leaning in.

           “I have many skills, father. That’s why I used the sword. I wanted to surprise you. But, I hurt you. I never want to hurt you again, you see,” I stood up but stayed leaned over to set one hand on his shoulder, “I love you, father. I just want to give you what you deserve…after everything you have done to me.” Leaning in, I kissed the tip of his nose and squeezed his shoulder to keep him an arm’s length away when I straightened. My mother rounded the corner with the bucket. “Ah, your beautiful wife. I’m certain she can finish you.” My whisper lingered as I went back into the kitchen area. “Take care of him, I’ll finish the bread.”

           “Yes, dear, thank you.” My mother quickly went to work and I cast them one last look before rounding the thin corner to pick up the bowl she was stirring. Glancing over the recipe, I finished it up before a sound under the counter behind me caught my attention. Kneeling, two beady eyes peered at me as a small rat chewed on a crumb. Sighing, I found a biscuit and offered it to the creature. It took it and eagerly raced off into a hole. But, it left me a gift in the form of six droppings.

_Oh, no._

_Oh, yes._

           Looking behind me, I listened to my mother and father’s distracted conversation before I picked them up with a spoon and dropped them into my father’s bread mix. Biting my lip, I stirred quickly and caught my smirking reflection in the mirror before I prepped it for the oven.  _Heimdall, if you saw that…I’m not sorry and I hope you’re amused._

           “Bread’s in the oven, might be our best batch yet, mom.” My boots clicked over floorboards as I passed my parents and went into my room. Pressed against the door, I had to force my face into the bundled fabric of my cloak before my laughter could echo.

** ** **

           And here lay the absolute worst thing I would do to my father.

           Yes, I took the axe.

           I was stupid and hotheaded and looking to destroy myself if it meant he would burn as well. So, I went to the person who wrote the book on self-destruction.

           “Loki!” I knocked on his door early in the day. “The guards said you were here.”

           “One moment,” it sounded like a huff. There was some shuffling before he opened the door in a silken robe like liquid gold. “It’s early.” Wind blew the robe open and it slipped off one pale shoulder. His soft body greeted my eyes and I blinked before staring up at his face.

           “It is ten in the morning,” I cocked my head. “This is unlike you.”

           “I’m allowed the occasional rough night.” He rubbed his eyes. “Might as well come in. You’re not usually up here this early. What is it?” I saw his eyes flicker to the axe on my back before he shut the door and tried to smooth his messy bed head down.

           “I need you.” I professed suddenly and he paused, eyebrow quirking up.

           “You need me?” His chest fell with a heavy breath.

           “I need a favor and you can’t ask questions and I’ll give you whatever favor you want in return.” I went on and he straightened up in a quick motion like his spine had snapped, swallowing.

           “…Explain.” Loki crossed his arms to narrow his eyes on me.

           “I need a smith. A good one. I can pay. I shouldn’t but, I can.”

           “All right,” he stated slowly. “Where  _exactly_  does Loki play in on this one?”

           “You have connections to good and quick blacksmiths and I thought maybe you could persuade one to help me. And you’ll keep this quiet. I’m a peasant, remember? Also, you’re my friend and I trust you to not ask questions or talk me down. Please.”

           “Talk you down? What are you…?” Loki glanced over my shoulder again and sighed. “What really happened to your sword?”

           “How do you know about that?”

           “I have this brother, you see. His name is Thor and he’s a complete buffoon but, occasionally he can put sentences together and inform me of events that have happened.”

           “Ha ha.” I mocked. “Well, Thor told you the truth, I lost it in the pond.”

           “It’s snowing. Why would you need to be near a pond?”

           “You’re asking questions.” I pointed out and Loki dropped his arms.

           “Did you honestly believe I wouldn’t?”

           “No, but I hoped you might at least  _try_  not to.” I waved my hands and gave a calm exhale. “Look, I’m not trying to guilt you. I just need to know if you’ll help me.”

           “Once I’m showered and presentable, I’ll take you to the palace smith but you need to tell me if you’re in some kind of trouble.”

           “Yes,” I shrugged, “I am. But, neither you nor anyone else can change it so just please let me be the one to… It’s my life, I have to do this before I gain back my rationality. I need you all to stay out of it, you’ll make it worse.”

           “You know that is the reason we all have taken your word but, I won’t stand idly by and allow-“

           “I’m getting revenge for my sword against my father. He was upset. As father’s often do get upset when their children disappoint them. And I know my mother is going to be furious at me for mucking up her white picket fence dream but, I have to do this or I never will.”

           “…You could have led with that.”

           “As if you’re the pinnacle of honesty.” I smirked and he pointed.

           “Don’t sass the person assisting you, sweetheart. Give me a bit to get ready and have a seat.”

           “Thank you. Whatever you want in return, I’ll do what I can to give it.” I watched Loki pause before he peered at me thoughtfully.

           “Sometime soon, I’d like to discuss the events that occurred after the battle.”

           “That’s all?”

           “I want your honesty. Yes, that is all.” When he left to get ready, I fell into a chair and let relief fill me. And then came the next surge of fear.

** ** **

           “You want me to…?”

           “Yes, my lord.” I stared at the blacksmith and let him tug the axe from my hands. My fate was sealed with hot irons.

           “It should be no issue.” Loki touched the small of my back.

           “It isn’t an issue, your highness. I just wonder, why?”

           “Certainly, you don’t need such information.” Loki cocked his head and the man turned.

           “Two hours, my prince. I’ll be finished.”

           “Thank you,” I managed softly as Loki ushered me out and up the stairs.

           “I’ve never met your parents. I know you live a ways from here but-”

           “They both work. Father’s in construction I suppose. My mother works mostly in transportation. Boring stuff.” I shot him a look. “Over the bridge, Loki. Nowhere else.”

           Loki didn’t bring it up again.

           “So, you said you had a rough night?” I began.

           “I spent yesterday in the markets, replenishing my supplies and it ran later than I intended. I was going to organize today considering everything is just stacked in the corner still.”

           “Can I help?” I asked quietly and he grinned before nodding.

           “Oh, I suppose.” Loki swept an arm around me and pulled me close when I laughed.

           “I’m surprised you don’t try to steal supplies from the healing room.”

           “I tried once. Mother caught me and…let’s say she just  _persuaded_  me not to do it again.” Loki smirked wide and quickly straightened up when a group turned the corner. He about snatched his hand from me and stepped back once.  _Oh_.

           “Father.” Loki nodded his head and I was still lost in him but I remembered myself and bowed low before The King beckoned for me to rise.

           “It is lovely to see you, your majesty,” I swallowed and curtsied. “My lords and ladies.” Behind him, a few elders spoke in hushed tones.

           “What cow taught you to curtsey, girl?” Erikur began, brash in his tone. His face was sunken in like a rotting corpse.

           “The same one who taught you manners, Erikur,” Salma shot him a look of discontentment.

           “Always a pleasure, high council.” Loki’s voice held no enjoyment.

           “This woman is a respected warrior of Asgard,” Odin added and Calder stepped forward.

           “I’m certain you fought valiantly, my lady. I’ve heard a few stories from your friends in pubs. Loud stories, but many are entertaining enough.” He smiled and I did after a little encouragement.

           “You weren’t at the meeting this morning, why?” Odin addressed his son.

           “You had Thor, father, I’m certain you didn’t require me.” Loki’s reply wasn’t hesitant.

           “Loki…” Odin’s tone drew out. “Surely, you’re not still upset about yesterday. We’ll discuss it later.”

           “Certainly,” Loki’s pale knuckles were stark white as he clasped his hands together and I was silent.

           “I’d like to know why this girl is not on the training grounds. You spend too much time with the young prince.” Maven, a wrinkly old bat of a woman, puckered her lips to show her disapproval. But in truth, it made her look like a grumpy trout. Loki’s words.

           “I summoned my  _friend_  here today so she could retrieve a few books from me.” Loki lied and his hand hovered near me but it did not touch me.

           “It’s not proper for her to be in your room unattended.” Maven added before anyone else could comment.

           “Which of your eight husbands taught you that, Lady Maven? Oh, was it their brothers? Couldn't wait till after their mysterious deaths.” Loki countered beautifully and I had to bite the inside of my cheek. Odin cleared his throat as Maven gaped like a dying blowfish. Calder saved the day with his calm tone.

           “They are  _young_ ,” Calder commented gently, taking my jaw in his hand as if I was a show horse. “Just look at her. Smart and strong. An up and coming warrior. The kind you want spending time with your youngest son. We’ll give you a bride just like this.” Oh look, I’m a great example for a prized trophy wife now.

           “Calder,” Odin gestured to me. “Perhaps, allow the lady to go.”

           “Oh, yes, forgive me.” He smoothed his wrinkled hand over my cheek and into my hair. It was so peculiar, the way he touched my hair and traced the curve of my ears. _Kill me._ “We won’t find a woman with hair like this. Pity.” Loki stared at me with what might have been a rare apology in his eyes. “Good day.”

           “After dinner,” Odin gave Loki a look as he passed. “We’ll talk.” They rounded the corner and Loki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

           “That was really uncomfortable.” I shook as if I got chills and failed to hide my wide-eyed amusement. “I half-expected them to start talking about my womb. Which is quite healthy, I’m told if you wondered. Great oven. Lots of room for buns.” I punched Loki in the arm and he was still pretty horrified.

           “ _Gods_.” Loki was still standing there, mortified with his eyes closed. “I do not have anything to say.”

           “I will bear many strong children when a man gives me his ripe seed.” I went on robotically with manic eyes and Loki groaned.

           “If I hear you say  _ripe seed_  ever again-” Loki was laughing now. “Let us forget that all happened.”

           “A man can plant many ferns in my lady garden.” I tried and he pushed at my shoulder.

           “Stop it.” He was still amused and I took pride in that. “Let’s go.”

           “Yes, my prince, I’ll walk behind you now with my face to the floor so the elders see that I know my place. Three paces behind you.”

           “ _By the nine_ ,” Loki looked as if his soul left his body. “Enough.”

           “I can go all day about this.” I crossed my arms.

           “I know.” Loki rubbed his face. “Of all the times to run into them.”

           “I thought Maven was going to melt my face with her eyes alone.”

           “Truthfully, she might have tried,” Loki chuckled and resumed his relaxed position, hand winding around my back to guide me. I glanced up at him and looked away when he caught my gaze. “If I did not know that she hated most magic, I might believe she’s some evil witch.”

           “Oh no,” I got in front of Loki and walked backwards, putting my hands over my heart. “She’s going to suck out my youth and beauty to sustain herself.”

           “I’ve looked into that actually, we should not joke about it. How many sane sorcerers do you know?”

           “Negative one. Frigga doesn’t make up for the things I’ve seen you do.” I giggled at Loki’s expression before he took my shoulders and got me to turn as I was still facing him. “So…are there magic users who actually try to suck out one’s beauty and youth because now I’m interested?” My head cocked.

           “But, of course, right next to the witches who use mind control and necromancy.” His sarcasm amused me. “You do know that there is a specific science to it. Which is why I cannot just jump and fly out of this castle like Thor. Try as I may.”

           “You can turn into a bird.”

           “I’ve limited my shapeshifting to Asgardians only. No animals. I’ve almost been shot and breeded far too many times.”

           “You’re no fun.” I gave a pout as he turned me again and this time I pressed against his door.

           “Face it, sweetheart, I’m the most interesting person you know at the moment.” He leaned closer and smirked.

           “Poor me,” I responded flatly.

           “ _Hm_.” Loki stood taller and I let him open his door. “Ignore the mess. Some _woman_ roused me from bed too early ”

           “We can’t be friends anymore because your bed isn’t made.” I quickly found a spot on the sofa and eyed the boxes and bags against the corner of his room. “What was your father talking about earlier?”

           “Disagreement about my future when Thor is crowned the supreme ruler of Asgard. Nothing  _new_.”

           “I’m sorry.” I offered and Loki exhaled, eyes elsewhere.

           “Appreciated but, it’s no issue anymore.” Loki waved his hand and I watched the boxes order themselves around the floor. Cabinets opened in a synchronized fashion before labeled jars arranged on a table to be filled with ingredients. I let my cloak fall from my shoulders and draped it over his couch. My thicker cloak was lost still in the end of that battle. “You look impressed, this is nothing.”

           “Still,” I crossed my arms over the side of the couch and set my head on them to enjoy the view. “Was there anything you actually needed me to do?”

           “In truth, I covet the pleasure of your company.” Loki shifted toward me and his outfit changed with light to something simpler for walking about indoors.

           “Show off.” I muttered and he smirked. “Have you ever cast a grand illusion on me?”

           “No, I have not. Are you tempting me?”

           “I’ve seen what you can do.”

           “Think so?” He cocked his head as magic did the work behind him.

           “Tell me about the science to it.” I leaned over the edge of the sofa and he shook his finger at me.

           “Nice try, I believe that counts as a lesson. You know I don’t offer those.” He tapped his pointer finger under my chin and I leaned back, huffing. When I clasped my hands and gave him the ‘big-eyed stare’ that I was known for, he relented. “I can tell you that sorcerers bend the will of forces around them. We see these forces unseen to normal eyes through rigorous training. We feel them caressing our very bodies as we walk about the halls. They twist and bend and reshape but never break. They cannot disappear in a sense, they must always be whole but they…take the shape of something new with particles already in place.”

           “ _Invisible mind alchemy_.” I joked.

           “Well,” Loki shrugged his shoulders, “you’re not too far off, I suppose.”

           “What about conjuration?”

           “Ah. With conjuration, you’re not creating something new, you’re summoning something that already exists from a place you put it. Pretend I have a bag of gifts with me at all times that no one else can see. Even those who excel at elemental magic take from the forces inside themselves when they summon something such as fire or water on a whim. Those who cannot use magic aren’t sharp enough to see it.”

           “I got you talking about it.” I smirked.

           “I’ve not even skimmed the surface.” Loki’s wrist twitched to continue the work along the table; jars filling and closing themselves in fluid motions.

           “Do an illusion on me.” I asked and Loki debated it.

           “Come here,” he beckoned me around the couch before offering his hand. “It’ll help if you hold onto me, I don’t want to shock you.” Carefully, I laced my fingers into his and watched him lift his other hand. “Tell me about a place you like.”

           “The main ballroom. When it’s night and decorated for dances. I’ve never been to one but I’ve seen them prepare it. The lanterns and hanging crystals are so beautiful. You can always see the many moons and stars outside the archways.” A green light shined along Loki’s room and I gasped, drawing closer to him as the area changed.

           “Like this?” He asked and I mutely nodded in wonder. “Do you like it?” I could feel the air from outside. The warmth of candlelight. I could see my reflection in the golden floors.

           “Yes,” my fingers left his as I stepped forward.

           “Careful,” he warned. “We’re still in my room.” Loki grinned when I turned to beam at him. A rare smile crossed his face and was bathed in the soft lights and sparkling crystals shining around us. “You think that is impressive, how about this? Stay there.” Glancing down, the green light swirled around my feet before twirling into my clothing. I felt the weight of skirts while I turned slowly to see it all change before my eyes. Silken fabric of a dark blue gown bloomed around me as sleeves tightened down my arms. Laughing, I spun and let my curls fan out as a dress adorned my frame. I looked like a princess.

           I looked like I was his.

           “Oh, I know another place.” I was giddy. “Our meadow where we met. The massive weeping willow and the pond.” I bit my lip and Loki obliged, grass sprouted around me before he took my waist to pull me from the area where the pond formed. Leaves fell from the tree as wind blew and faded through me. I stepped from him and reached out to catch a flower petal and let it phase through my palm. Without turning to Loki yet, I found my voice. “…You could do wonderful and terrible things with illusion magic. This place. It feels so real, but I know it isn’t. Imagine if you could invade the head of another. Show them scenes like this. Or their very worst fears.” My voice trailed off when I cast another look around and tried to pretend this was real. Loki was gazing at me when my eyes drifted from the giant tree rustling above him to his face.

           “An interesting sentiment.” He offered, near silent before he slid one foot toward me.  At the same time, I stepped toward him and the illusion began to fade as if water was draining from the room. The lights crept slowly past us when I inched closer and Loki leaned toward me with hooded eyes. The gown, beautiful as it was, shed from me to reveal my usual clothing. I could still be his in bond.  _Ask me._ I thought. _Just tell him how you feel._  My soul reached out as if it tried to seize the moment but he stated something that made us both jolt like we’d come up for air.

           “I am getting married.” Loki dropped his shoulders when I stepped back, my lips fell open in shock before I recovered from a pain that etched deep into my heart. “It’s not…certain. But, when my father gets such ideas, I do not imagine any other result.”

           “Oh.” My eyes had to avert behind him before I settled my gaze on his once more, trying to be brave. I clasped my hands together and shuffled my feet, pulse pounding but I was breathless. “Is that what you want?”

           “If it is better for Asgard-”

           “Is that what  _you_  want?” I stated again in a hard tone, shaken now. Bold. Yes, of course I’d understand if Loki didn’t want me. But, he couldn’t…we couldn’t keep this up. It was too painful. It wasn’t fair to either of us. Loki steeled himself, lips quivered before he stood taller and blinked a few times. He hesitated. But, he hesitated for much too long. I didn’t want to live in Loki’s hesitation any longer so I spoke. “Well, I bet they’ll pick someone amazing for you. In truth, my father has been talking about similar things. If…If you marry someone from another realm, you’ll move there…won’t you?”

           “Yes.” Loki was not looking at me anymore. “That was the plan. Thor…he, uh, doesn’t know yet.” He was looking  _anywhere_  but at me. His hands curled into fists and drew tight behind his back. Blinking, I stared at his eyes intently and watched the green shimmer with tears.

_Tell me how to help you._

_He just did._

_I can’t._

           “I wish that I could portray how deeply I care about our friendship. I’d miss you a lot. By the nine,” I gave a tight chuckle, “I can’t imagine Asgard without you in it.”

           “It’s not certain.” Loki glanced at the floor and I inhaled, hands lifting as if I could slow this down.

           “Loki, you mean so much to me-”

           “Please,” his voice was thick when he sniffed. “I do not want to do this.” Loki shook his head and quickly caught a tear on the back of his knuckle as if I wouldn’t notice.

           “Loki-” I came to him but he stepped back before I could reach out. He always did.

           “I’d like to be alone now.” His voice rushed. “The blacksmith will finish. Feel free to stay inside the palace until then. But, I’d like to be alone with my thoughts.”

           “I’m sorry,” I swerved and started to rush toward the door.

           “Wait.” Loki swallowed and my fingers tightened around the door’s handle; I didn’t turn.  “I want you to know that I’m not upset or blaming you for anything. I need you to know that before you leave. Yes?” Frozen, I let him go on. “I upset myself. You did nothing wrong. It is imperative that you believe that…and I would still like to have that talk with you. Another time perhaps.”

           “There are spars coming up soon. Warriors will challenge each other for fun and whatnot. Funny way to celebrate the end of battle. I don’t expect to be challenged by anyone but, you’ll see me there in the audience. If you want to talk after…we can do that.” Slowly, I peered at Loki and opened the doors to leave before he could respond. My footsteps hurried down the hallways and cold air washed the emotion from my face. First, I had to finish what I started myself.

** ** **

           The walk home was long. I caught the smoke lifting from our chimney and knew both my parents would be home now. The door was heavy when I pulled it back and caught my father lifting his gaze to acknowledge me. My breaths drew shorter when I took the sack from my shoulder and turned it upside down. Before father could utter a syllable, he jumped backwards into the couch when two steel cubes crashed into the table. My mother raced into the kitchen doorway and her mouth fell open in awe behind my father.

           “What the fuck is this?” He shook his head and looked at me before I tossed what was now a worthless club into his hand.

           “You have inspired me, father,” my eyes drew wide, reflecting the unbalance underneath. My voice tremored. I was alive. “So, I wanted to show you what I learned. I wanted to show you…what your name was worth. Two whole steel ingots. A low price for what you claimed to be a great name. But, my name…it’s worth whatever  _rich_  lord I’m to marry. Whatever glories I bring to the great realm of Asgard in battle. You need me…more than I need you-” He lunged for me over the table and tackled me down.

           “You disgusting, wretched little-”

           “Enough!” My mother was yanking my father from my body as he began to shake me.

           “You’re not mine, you ungrateful-”

           “You forgot who makes the money in this house,” my mother, with strength I didn’t know she had, twisted my father from me. We both scrambled up at the same time and I breathed heavily. Unable to stop the flow of laughter and tears as I covered my ears and screamed. Windows rattled and the couch shifted back two feet, startling them both. Gasping, I stared at my parents and hunched over. Something massive awakened inside me that was repressed for so many years. Something terrifying and beautiful. Something I would pray to and for at night.

           “I want her out of this house!” My father pointed.

           “You can’t! I won’t let you.” She shook her head.

           “She’s a monster!”

           “She’s my daughter and more important than you!” My mother shot back. She actually sounded like my mother. “I make up over half the money for your lifestyle now.” She had a point. My father bottled his rage. His hate flowed like cheap wine slipping along the floor around me. I didn't back away from it.

           “The first offer we get, we take. She’s not welcomed here. You best pray a decent man wants you.”

           “One does,” I cried in a gasp. “And you have to be good to me if you want even a piece of that life. Take your piece of shit back.” I kicked over the table and sent the pieces of his axe to the floor. He rushed at me again and I didn’t try to stop him.

           “I don’t care who you belong to later,” my father wrapped a hand around my throat and thrust me into the wall. He squeezed and I gripped to his wrists as he held my mother back with one hand. “Until we’re rid of you, you are mine. Mine!” In body. Perhaps. But, not in mind. I stared at my father as he continued to scold me before I closed my eyes and put myself somewhere else. A meadow with a weeping willow. A billowing gown. A hand in mine. Soft lips to kiss. “What?” He shook me. “Are you in dreamland now? Not this nonsense again. Always used to pull this shit as a little girl. No. You’ll stay right here until I allow it.”

            _Gold crowns. Gold shrouds. Gold light glints against my eyes. Freedom blinds me._

           “You are deformed.” My father went on.

           People bow and tell me I’ve saved them.

           “You are useless.”

           I’m no longer terrified when I go to sleep and when I wake in the morning.

           “I’m all you have now.”

           Sif pats my back with pride. Fandral smiles with all his charm. Hogun’s face lights with approval. Volstagg pulls me into an embrace. Frigga pets my hair as if I am hers. Odin grants my hand a kiss. Thor lifts me up and celebrates. And Loki. He stays here. He stays with me.

           My skull left a deeper crack in the wall when my father tossed me into it. He kneeled down and waited for my answer.

           “Yes, father.” I was smiling widely now, lifting my finger to trace the side of his rough cheek. He lost his next breath.

           The road will be long.

           I will suffer greatly.

           But, I can accept that.

           He won’t ever have me again.

           Not while my mind is free.

           “Freak.” He muttered, turning to go. I couldn’t register my mother helping me to my feet before I gave a soft reply.

           “ _Woman_.”

           My parents would be upset for a long time after this and erase this event from their minds. They would try. I’d reset the chessboard and make them relive it until they loved it.

** ** **

           Rain fell heavily upon Asgard, washing out the snow. It covered the training grounds in slick mud, which admittedly, the warriors adored. Spars were messy and a complete rush. Splatters of dirt hit audience members in the front row. Across from me, Loki hid his complete amusement at Thor sliding in to take Volstagg to the ground. Laughter erupted before a group of older children I knew to be Volstagg’s started to cheer for him in the stands. This caused Volstagg to lunge at Thor and tackle him, burying the prince into the mud.

           “Yeah!” Volstagg charged everyone up as he held Thor down, sitting on his back. Thor wiped his dirty arm across his lips which did nothing to clean his face of mud. They helped each other up and lifted their hands to rouse more cheers before embracing. Thor called up a few more warriors and I got up to move in the audience.

           “May I sit here?” I asked Loki. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” In a box far above Loki sat the King and Queen, sheltered from the rain which luckily had stopped. Loki stood up in silence to move over before he was lifted into a bear hug that smeared mud all down his front.

           “Thor, I’m going to gut you for this,” Loki squirmed and seethed. My hands flew to my mouth to stifle my laughter.

           “Smile, Loki, our parents are watching. Dear brother.” Thor grinned and waved to them with Loki still locked under one arm. Frigga giggled and Odin shook his head with a smirk. People around us moved away when mud shook from Thor like he was a wild wolf ruffling his coat. Below, warriors sparred and everyone drew their attention there.

           “I hate you,” Loki released himself from Thor’s grip and gaped at his clothing, covered in muddy Thor prints. When I laughed harder, Loki shot me a look. “Oh, this amuses you.”

           “This?  _Nonsense_. I was just laughing at…a joke Sif told me…earlier.  _Yesterday_.” I corrected and Thor chuckled with me. Loki huffed before smearing his hand along Thor’s beard. “Loki, you don’t want to do this…”

           “I do.” He shrugged and wiped muddy fingers along my cheek, causing me to squeal and squirm away from him. “I know you’re not into war paint but this is a good look for you.”

           “He’s right,” Thor got my other cheek and I smacked at him.

           “Ah, come on, I was on your side with messing him up,” I whined. Loki sat down next to me with Thor sitting to his left. “ _Buffoons_.”

           “No use in going in now, I suppose.” He glanced at his dirty clothing before he conjured a mirror. “Look at your face.” I leaned over to see dark finger lines pressed down my cheeks.

           “Yeah, yeah, I look  _really_  dangerous,” I punched at his shoulder lightly.

           “Ale!” Thor called before an attendant rushed a drink to him. He nodded and tipped them before they left. “Father and mother won’t let either of us into the palace looking like this.”

           “That why you covered me as well?” Loki watched the two warriors hit staffs against each other before one slipped and fell backwards.

           “Bring him down!” Thor called before he turned his attention to Loki. “Well, they won’t let you go in. I can  _fly_  to my room from here.”

           “Off the battlefield and still hitting below the belt, you fool.” Loki gasped when Thor got him into a headlock and ruffled his hair. Loki’s cheeks were squished against Thor’s mighty bicep and I about died.

           “Nonsense.” Thor let Loki free and I giggled as he smoothed his hair down.

           “Disgusting.” Loki hissed. “He smells.”

           “You’ll always be at my side to badger, brother. It will be my first decree as king. One hour of badgering Loki daily. So it shall be.” Thor joked and gulped from his mug. Loki glanced at me and I cocked my head. Thor still didn’t know. I lifted my eyebrows at Loki and he shook his head at me in a subtle motion before I glanced from him to the spar for a moment. The two warriors looked like they just rose from a swamp.

           “I hope you plan to bathe sometime this year,” Loki scrunched his face.

           “My hygiene is better than yours,” Thor countered. “Which one of us locks themselves in their chambers and sleeps at their desk for days on end? Covered in papers and smeared in inkblots, literally buried in their studies. Without a proper shower or bath?”

           “I don’t do that anymore after someone came in while I was passed out and drew Mjolnir on my face. Had to change the locks.” Loki sat back and propped his arms up on the empty seat behind him.

           “That was her,” Thor pointed, causing me to smack his arm.

           “We made a pact not to tell him that.” I started laughing. “It was Fandral’s idea. He was there too. We were coming to see if you wanted to go out but you mumbled some nonsense about bees and snored. Also, I’m not a great artist and that wasn’t  _meant_  to be Mjolnir.” My implication caused Loki’s expression to go flat. “ _Thor_  ruined the secret.”

           “Sorry, he turned my hair green and mother couldn’t undo it for a week after that prank.” Thor shrugged at me and Loki smirked.

           “Might explain why you weren’t on the training grounds for a bit…” I shrugged.

           “Green isn’t a good look for you.” Loki added. “And I want that book back that I let you borrow as punishment for this.”

           “I’m not done with it and I’m having care so you’ll see it when I surrender it, Odinson. Might be a month.” I crossed my arms before Thor spoke.

           “I had to attend father’s meeting with the elders and other diplomats from around Asgard with green hair. They thought I was sick.”

           “You make me sick all the time,” Loki mumbled and Thor pushed at him, thoroughly amused.

           “Oh, boys,” I shook my head and tuned into the battle again to see it ending. “Ugh, gods, I should take a break from this. Look who it is.” Herlof came toward the grounds next and drew his arms up to get cheers. Loki glanced at me as the announcer called to him.

           “Who shall you challenge?!”

           “ _Her_.” Herlof was pointing and many pairs of eyes went to me. I probably looked like an owl with my wide eyes caught in awe. _No. Not me. Nope._  I looked at the people behind me and turned back. Thor and Loki both quieted. Herlof was pointing at me.  _Oh, come on._  “Come down, if you dare.” He was clearly intoxicated and I was in no mood.

           But, I was impulsive and angry so I let that fuel me.

           “Fine,” I huffed and shot up, yanking the cloak from my shoulders and leaving it in Loki’s lap. "Hold this for me." Claps sounded as Herlof laughed, tossing me a staff that I caught gracefully.

           “I’ll conquer you, pretty thing.” He stumbled.

           “Says the beast.” I shot back.

           “You’ve avoided me.” He stepped closer when the announcer called for us to get ready. Mud caked against my boots with every step.

           “Women do that when they want nothing to do with men like you.” I leaned toward him.

           “Women  _make_  men like me.” He swung his staff toward me and I countered, hitting it back.

           “You think that way of thinking will benefit your sons and daughters of the future? You weren’t brought into this world to beat up a woman for rejecting you.” I wished I could explain why this stupid man made me so angry. Truthfully, I don’t think I needed to with the way he was acting now. “You want to learn a lesson, learn from me rejecting you and move on.” The words tasted bad on my lips and I made a sound of disgust. “ _Yikes_. I am saying a lot of relevant things now.” I hissed before swinging toward him, he thrust and I dodged before we circled each other.

           “I was nice to you and you humiliated me. I thought you understood.”

           “ _Nice_? I’m not obligated to- _ugh_!” I yelled out and hit his staff hard, backing him up into a wall. "Understand, what?" Herlof spun to avoid me and I gritted my teeth.

           “You’re just like the others.” I could see his drunken demeanor changing.

           “Herlof, stop,” I seethed, spinning with my staff to counter his attacks.

           “You don’t get to speak my name. My mother warned me,” he stated more to himself and I slowed.  _Oh_. “I thought you would understand…the pain. You know what it’s like. I saw it in your eyes. I was  _wrong_.” Stunned, I didn’t have time to react when he hit the staff from my hands. Herlof looked at me with an expression I knew. One that put every face of those who had hurt you on the shoulders of your opponent. He ran at me and I slipped but grabbed his staff to stop him. We stayed there, pushing against each other before his fist cocked back in a sudden motion to punch me in the face. Stars burst against my eyes as I flew backwards a few feet and slid on my back against the mud. My cheekbone throbbed painfully, heating when I touched it. Our audience was stunned before Thor called out, standing.

           “He cannot do that!”

           “Keep it clean!” The announcer yelled but Herlof was advancing as I scrambled up, tossing mud in his face to slow him. But, he yanked me back by the wrist and lifted me with one beastly hand around my neck. I kicked and clawed, closing my eyes when the rage on his face burned into me.

           “Just like her,” he squeezed the air from me roughly, “ _mother_.” Herlof’s voice broke.

           “I’m not her,” I gasped. “And you’re not…my father. You have...a choice. You're choosing wr...wrong.  _Herlof_ -” Unable to continue, my body panicked when no more breath came into it before something awakened inside me. I remembered the burn of my scream when my father attacked me. The couch skidding backwards. The sweltering fire inside my bones. Purple light erupted from my chest and sent us both flying away from each other. Dazed, I gave a high pitched gasp when air charged into my needy lungs. Someone jumped between us and Thor had Herlof up by his leather armor. Cold hands gripped me and jerked me to my feet. The audience was yelling before the most terrifying voice echoed.

           “ _Silence_!” Frigga was standing just above us now, powerful and calm. Loki was cradling my face and holding me to him as I gripped his shoulders. His lips moved with frantic questions I didn’t register.

           “The spars are over for today, you’ve gone too far,” Odin marched out into the field. “Clear the area, now!” Instantly, people raced up into the stands. Thor dropped Herlof into a heap. “Guards.”

           “Wait,” I rasped, pulling from Loki only to set my hands on my knees, gulping for air still. “He’s a drunk. Our blood was boiling. That’s all.” I wiped the mud from my hands and stood taller.

           “You cannot be serious,” Loki uttered behind me.

           “My King,” I swallowed and stepped toward him. “You know how warriors get during the heat of battle.” I didn’t know why I was trying to spare Herlof. He didn’t deserve it. Boiling warrior blood was certainly no excuse. The cycle of abuse had touched us both. I felt fortunate when I watched him, that I'd not surrendered to it. I gave him a look when he stood up that assured him this would be the only chance and pity he got from me.

           “You’re suspended from the training grounds. One month. Go.” Odin pointed and Herlof cast me one look before leaving, guards escorted him out. Loki came to my side, one arm went around my waist as he clasped his hand into mine to keep me up.

           “Father, she’s hurt.”

           “Please don’t take me to the healing room,” I breathed heavily. The royal family and I remained now as Odin came to me and took my hips to lift me onto a short ledge like I weighed nothing.

           “Nonsense, three skilled healers are around you,” Odin carefully tilted my chin up to rest his hands on my throat. I jolted and he paused, blinking his good eye at me. “Apologies.” When I nodded once after pulling myself together, I allowed the King to tend to me. “Bruised. Have care with your neck and voice. You should feel better tomorrow.”

           “ _Three_  skilled healers,” Thor crossed his arms. “I can use a healing stone, you know?”

           “And you do that very well, my darling,” Frigga wiped Thor’s cheek with a handkerchief before she kissed it.

           “The light.” I stated softly. “Which…Which one of you pulled us apart?” Frigga shook her head before Odin did and Loki sighed, arms crossing.

           “That was you.” He offered and my mouth fell open. Frigga shifted to heal my cheek and she had to hold me in place as I looked around at them.

           “Me?”

           “You have a higher capacity for magic it seems.” Odin stated before Loki could speak. “One that shouldn’t go ignored. I recognized this in Loki when he was just a babe. The size of a loaf of bread.”

           “Not much changed there, brother,” Thor commented in jest before Loki pushed at his shoulder and came forward.

           “She knows that she can do some form magic. Showed me a long while ago in a library. Well, I encouraged it. We were curious. I was…curious.” Loki pulled his gaze from me and added a quiet after-thought when his parents eyed him. “Nothing happened.”

           “You could teach her something. Like mother taught you,” Thor grabbed Loki’s shoulder but was shrugged off.

           “I’m not taking students, brother. You all know this.”

           “But, why? She’s our friend. She’s my skilled warrior first, of course, but…we all saw what just happened.” Thor cocked his head and he meant so well. “She can train here mainly but what is the harm in magic on the side?” Loki didn’t like that wording by his changing facial expression.

           “Magic is more serious to me than some side hobby, Thor.” Loki clenched his jaw.

           “You knew of her capacity and you didn’t come to me with it.” Odin stood taller to gaze at his son. “You know what happens when matters such as this go unmonitored.”

           “By the nine, you’re all making her uncomfortable,” Frigga huffed and took my wrist to pull me with her, away from the three men.

           “It is not as if I shall be here long enough to get a proper lesson out,” Loki pushed past Thor and started to stalk off.

           “Loki!” Odin stopped him sharply.

           “What is he talking about?” Thor looked like someone kicked him while he was down.

           “We were going to address it during the meeting tomorrow afternoon with the warriors and Elder Council,” Odin sighed and shook his head. “There are offers from other realms.”

           “ _Offers_?” Thor took offense, gesturing to his brother. “Are we to just trade Loki like slaughtered cattle now? For what?”

           “The realms must stand together. We have to think about the larger picture.”

           “Loki and I  _are_  the larger picture. The realms will stand together without such trades!” Thor shot back, clearly upset. “They will stand because they know they need to. Not for petty trades of lives in bondage. Those ways are old.”

           “It isn’t enough!” Odin raged in turn. "You do not understand it yet."

           “Does he even wish to do this?” Thor pointed and Loki was somber, silent. I shrank back into Frigga while her hands touched my arms.

           “Loki knows his duty to our world. He’ll be proud to ensure the safety of Asgard. He’ll stand tall knowing that his choices are for the better of his home and for our allies. Can you say the same, Thor? Being a King means sacrifice.”

           Odin did not understand that Loki was the piece on the board Thor would never give up.

           “He’ll stand tall next to  _me_  when I take the crown!” Thor’s yell summoned a crack of lightning and thunder before Loki turned to run off, unable to deal with this any longer.

           “Loki,” I called when the rain began before I raced from Frigga and the fighting. He disappeared down the entrance into the main hall of the palace with rows of massive statues lining the archways. “Loki! I know you’re here… You can come out. Hm. Which one. I wonder.” Stopping, I set my hands behind my back as I looked up. “Could it be the unfinished one with its own lift? You still have my terrible cloak, you know?” My joke roused nothing. I could see his dark shadow atop the platform but he didn’t move or speak. “Look, I know that lately you’ve been conflicted and you think you’re better off alone. And if you believe in your heart that you don’t want me here…I’ll go. Just tell me. I’ll let you think alone. We don’t have to speak. I just…want to be there for you. I am trying to be a good friend and sometimes it’s hard to let the pain of others in when your own is crippling you. But, I’m here…and I…I care about you. Deeply. So deeply that I cannot always show it. Touch it. You can tell me to come back another time or place but know that I am  _here_ …right now for you. I wish that I could tell you that my being here will chase away all harm.” Wind blew into the empty archways and I sighed against it when the rain lightly fell just beyond them. “I know how hard it can be.” I came forward to touch the marble stone. “You need a friend,” I coaxed. “Let me come up. I want you in my life for a very long time. Longer than even our concept of time can accommodate. It’s perfectly fine to be afraid and I wish I knew that growing up. I’m terrified. Let me come up, Loki. Let me be your friend today. It’s hard sometimes for me to…formulate my thoughts into coherent sentences and that’s frustrating but I know how I feel. I want… I want to keep you.”

           There was a long beat as I gazed up at Loki. Unattainable above me. A click sounded and relief filled me when the lifted lowered. Crawling onto it, I was pulled up to where Loki sat. He was hunched and cross-legged, facing away from me to gaze at the view below. My cloak was clutched into his arms still.

           “I’d like to have that talk.” He was soft as I drew closer, crossing my legs to sit next to him. Loki’s eyes gazed down at his clasped hands, smoothing the fabric between them. “I was upset with you because I know in my heart that you’re worth so much more.”

           “So are you,” I whispered.

           “And my hesitation to teach you magic is not because I do not believe in you. Yes, I am worried somehow that you will lose interest. But, I am also thinking about the future. If your future takes you someplace better. Much better than here…I do not want to be what ties you down. I cannot risk pulling you from a good life. Even if it means we must part.” Loki sniffed before he looked at me with big eyes, brow twitching. My heart warmed and finally, how I thought I’d feel connected with how I did feel. I felt loved. I wanted to offer it in turn. “It is not my wish to leave Asgard. But, if father decrees that I must marry, there is little I can do to stop it.”

           “I don’t believe he wants to lose you and I know for a fact Thor will fight it. The King has a lot on his shoulders. So do you.” I tucked a stray black lock behind Loki’s ear and let my hand come down to touch his shoulder.

           “Thor.” Loki tried to chuckle. “Foolish dreamer, he is. He’ll shout and ruin Asgard with rain but father will not bend to such things.” His eyes dropped down from my face when emotion shook his voice. “I cannot…” Loki’s tone hitched and he took my hand in both of his.

           “I’m here.” I coaxed. “It’s just you and I right now.” Loki pressed his eyes shut and shook his head, unable to speak for a moment.

           “I am being torn to shreds,” he whispered thickly, “there will not…be anything left of me. I cannot act on what I-” Loki cut himself off and lifted his hand toward my face before hesitating and grasping my arm. Unable to stop myself, I came forward and slid my arms around his shoulders tightly. He just froze there against me when I came up on my knees to hold him. I felt his pulse speed up, his chest heave for a sudden breath before a sob muffled into my neck. Unable to move when his arms wound around my torso, I let him hold onto me and cry like he hadn’t been able to in years. I stayed there and allowed him to mash his face into my neck, hands grasping for my shoulders and hair. Smoothing my palms along his back to calm him, I waited for Loki to gain control of himself back and lean out. Some mud from me had rubbed against his cheek and my lips upturned when I wiped it away with my sleeve.

           “We’re both a mess still,” I managed when Loki sniffed before he looked somewhat amused.

           “Thank you,” he forced his gaze aside and hid his face to wipe the tears from it. I took his chin to get him to peer at me again.

           “You don’t have to thank me. We’re friends. Remember? We always will be.” I began to dust the dried mud from his clothing.

           “I’m sorry that drunken ass harmed you today.” Came his response instead.

           “I don’t expect Herlof to like me anytime soon.” I shrugged. “Should be interesting.” Loki calmed himself fully and smoothed his hair back with one hand before offering me my cloak.

           “I would like to apologize to you.” He looked at my face again once I slipped the fabric from his fingers. “I do not ever wish to make you feel as though I am looking down on you. The shopping…and the cloak. You work hard and I want to be good to you as a friend, if that means treating you once in awhile. When I offer you gifts, it is not out of charity; it is simply because I do care and when I am not able to show that emotionally…I use material goods.”

           “You did show me.” I managed to smile, hands clasping together. “If it helps? You showed me just now.” Loki’s spirits brightened at that. “I know you’re not comfortable openly displaying all of your feelings and I can appreciate that you’re trying. I think I should learn to cool myself when I’m offered gifts…you’re just being kind. I do over analyze everything.”

           “I desire one last favor from you.”

           “Yes?”

           “Attend the meeting tomorrow. It’s open to warriors, as often much of the information applies to them. Father will likely cover the subject of my future near the end. Say, three o’clock?”

           “I’ll be there.”

           “I think that I greatly needed this.”

           “Perhaps you’ll be back to your smirking self by tomorrow. Charming all who face you.”

           “And you, next time I see you on the training grounds, I better see a weapon you enjoy using your hands.” Loki’s words warmed me. “If it takes eons, we’ll find your specialty. But for now, pick something you like at least.”

           “I think I can manage that.”

** ** **

           “Excuse me,” I whispered, carefully making my way through the crowds coming in. “Pardon me.”

           “Here,” a hand waved for me before Fandral smiled when I rushed and took the seat next to him.

           “How was the move in this morning?” I asked as more Asgardians filtered inside. I’d snuck in during the recess before another session would begin.

           “Dull. I’m throwing a party in my new quarters. South tower. You should come.”

           “Should be interesting. I miss you already.”

           “I miss my cozy little home but living here is more convenient.” Fandral shrugged. “You should apply.”

           “As if I’d be accepted.”

           “Queen Frigga loves you and likely prefers you for a child over Thor and Loki some days.” He got me to chuckle. “She’d push it through.”

           “What have they covered so far?” I changed the subject, smiling.

           “Talk about honored warriors and how proud we’ve made Asgard once again for protecting it and bringing balance. Elders rambled on for two hours about official nonsense. Heimdall reports nothing out of the ordinary.” The rows of seats filled up about the room while King Odin took his place below. Those around us began to hush when Frigga joined him at his side. A slow moving hologram of Asgard was emitting from the floor and just beyond it was Thor, arms crossed in deep thought. I could have mistaken him for a marble statue, he was so stoic and perfectly still. Loki was seated to Frigga’s left, scanning the crowds before I subtly waved at him. Gaining a nod, I lifted my lips and turned back to Fandral.

           “Have you talked to Thor today?”

           “From the looks of him, would you try?” He countered.

           “Point taken,” I nodded, pressing my hands on the cold stone. “Oh, I got you something for your new room. It’s just a small tapestry to hang up. Saw it and thought of you.” I pulled a rolled bundle from my bag and slid it to Fandral. He kissed my cheek and accepted it.

           “I’ll hang it up right away once I get back.”

           “Now that we’re all back in attendance, it's best we continue to our last and more pressing matter.” The King’s voice echoed. “I have sought the counsel of our elders and my many trusted advisors. We’ve agreed it best to start discussing methods to strengthen our relations to our sister realms. In the past, we’ve had few quarrels. Sending and receiving warriors in our time of need to further our diplomatic relationships assists in balancing the mighty branches of Yggdrasil. Foremost, the obvious first choice is a formal and permanent union. Alfheim and Vanaheim, our great allies, have both expressed interest in my youngest son.” My hand slipped into Fandral’s and I caught his gaze before he locked his fingers into mine. Loki stood to come to Odin’s side. “The elders and I have even spoken about unions between Jotunheim and Nidavellir as a means to create peace based on a bonding treaty. Your royal Prince and my treasured son has agreed to do what must be done.”

           People were clapping and that was when I saw Thor finally move. Marching to the middle of the room with a determined expression.

           “This will be good,” Fandral leaned toward my ear.

           “But, these plans will no longer come to pass.” Thor’s mighty voice carried over all other sounds. “Asgard has worked to fight and build trust with the other realms. We’ve courted war and destruction to ensure their safety and freedom. Our influence over Yggdrasil has grown from our birth. We are but gods of war and peace.” The clapping continued and I shot Fandral a look.

           Thor was engaging his father in a game.

           A game I knew well.

           Odin took one step forward and Frigga stood but Thor was faster.

           “The burden and glory of the throne will one day fall to me, Thor Odinson, first in line and standing heir to the crown. I seek to rule with honor, power, and mercy. Swift justice and benevolence when needed. My King father and Queen mother have taught me the ways to gain love and respect from Asgard. I love Asgard in turn with all my heart and shall always wield Mjolnir as both prince and warrior, in all of your names!” The applause grew and Odin was just standing there now. I wondered if he was equal parts furious and impressed by his expression. “I have been taught to fight and fight I shall. For every one of you and for the realms around us. But, as I have been taught the importance of balance to the worlds…I have neglected the one person who has brought balance to me. Loki. My brother. Your Prince. Without his council, I would not be half the man I am today. Which is why I too have made a choice. Should Loki be traded out to another realm, I will refuse the throne of Asgard.” Thor turned and looked at Odin as my mouth fell open.

           Uproar followed.

           “ _Checkmate_ ,” I’d murmured under my breath. That was when the mix of applause and shouting began. Elders banged their fists. Warriors got up and cheered. Light filtered in and turned Thor’s skin to gold. The Norns were probably laughing at us with glee. Thor put his arms up to silence everyone around him so he could speak; however, only half the sound cut out. But, Thor was always louder.

           “I will refuse!” He pointed to his shocked father. “I will only take the crown under the condition that his royal highness, Prince Loki, my brother…my greatest council and next in line after me…stays by my side. He will replace all advisers when my reign and watch begins.” Thor’s pointed hand swept to the elders behind Odin. “Every single one.” This drew out more shock and awe. Thor would shake the entire government of Asgard to keep Loki here. To change Asgard for the better. I could have sobbed right there. “I will not take the crown any other way.”

           “You do not know what you are putting at stake, boy!” Erikur called, furious.

           “That’s no boy.” I shook my head and whispered. “That is a  _man_.”

           “I might be in love with Thor,” Fandral joked in a silent mutter.

           “He is right, Thor. Stand down.” Odin tried to call his eldest son. Loki was frozen, hands clutching the pedestal in front of him as the King stood between him and his brother.

           “I cannot rule effectively without Loki at my side.” Thor clenched his fists. He was not bowing or shaken. I’ve never seen him with this much determination. This much might. And it was all for Loki. This was a powerful act of true love that no fairy tale could dream of writing. “It will be Loki and I. Together. Always. Or nothing.” Fate would laugh so at this hour.

           “You would put Asgard at risk like this.” Odin examined his son, knowing full well that he had lost this battle. Frigga had her hands to her lips as she watched the scene, unable to speak.

           “I am not, father. You are. You and your council are in control. I simply offer the many results.” Thor bowed his head. Odin stood there, clenching his jaw before he spoke.

           “This meeting is adjourned.” He turned to go out and the Elder Council readied to follow before he swept his hand out. “Leave me!” The doors slammed and there was a beat where everyone was frozen before Thor grabbed for Loki’s wrist to bring him out, putting their hands up in the air together. Warriors clapped before the advisors and elders filed out the back door with haste. As the room quieted, people stood to offer words or leave before Frigga came forward to whisper in Thor’s ear and then Loki’s, kissing them each once before going.

           “My lady,” Fandral managed. “My hand. You’re going to crush it. I might need it.”

           “Oh,” I released him. “Sorry.”

           “You didn’t really think our favorite sorcerer would be sent away, did you?”

           “For a split second, I might have.” I said and Fandral gestured.

           “Well, go on already. Go congratulate them. They both are in a load of trouble so you might want to do it while you can.” Fandral’s words inspired me to race down the seats toward the brothers. Thor caught me in a hug and laughed, nodding to men and woman patting him on the back as they passed him to go out.

           “That was amazing,” I came toward Loki but instantly stopped myself at the same time he did before I reached out. Loki took my hand and shook it in an official gesture, smirking lightly. “Well, good sir, I am glad that you shall be staying with us for a bit longer.”

           “Oh, sweet lady, your words are most kind.” He offered in return before Thor huffed and squished us together with his massive arms.

           “Do I have to do  _everything_  around here, brother?”

           “If you do not like that now, you certainly won’t enjoy being King,” Loki commented. My face was muffled into his chest when I tried to speak.

           “Still here.” I wheezed before Thor allowed us to part. “You sound like your normal, impossible self already. You should celebrate tonight before your father imprisons you both and creates a new heir to spite you.”

           “As if mother wants another one of us to manage.” Thor’s jest caused us to laugh.

           “As if father does either. He might keep the throne for another few million years out of spite instead.” Loki nudged Thor’s side.

           “Did you see the elder’s faces?” I covered my lips. “I thought Maven’s was going to slide right off and Torvar looked like you'd just sliced him in half.”

           “You should go to mother before she speaks with father. She seemed to want to talk with you urgently about something.” Thor nodded and Loki sighed.

           “Yes, something about future apprentices. As if we didn’t just get more warriors and healers here to manage.” Loki smiled at me. “I’ll see you both later. Oh, and I suppose I should thank you, brute.”

           “My heart is full of your love and adoration, brother.” Thor mocked him before Loki turned.

           “I’ll be seeing you, sweetheart.” Loki’s voice hushed when he kissed my temple in an idle gesture. I kept my eyes open when he lingered.

           “Certainly,  _good sir_.” I waved to Loki while he went and Thor got pulled away from me by someone else for a moment. A woman at the door slid her arm into Loki’s and winked at him before a second joined them, whispering in his ear. _Well, I did say that I wanted him to be his old self again._ I’d live. Loki laughed at something they said and I turned to face Thor, speaking to a fellow warrior. She grinned and clapped him on the back before leaving when Thor turned to offer me his arm. “Might I escort you out? I have something for you.”

           “Really?” I took Thor’s arm and let him lead me off.

           “Yes.”

           “What is it?”

           “A surprise, it’s not far.” He smirked down at me as I huffed.

           “So, how did you know Odin would agree to your terms and not set you on fire where you stood?”

           “In truth, I didn’t. I expected to be set ablaze for all to see.”

           “Risky.” I snickered and he paused, noticing the light rain outside.

           “One moment,” Thor looked up and stepped forward slowly into the grey weather. Around us formed a kind of shield that didn’t allow the rain to hit our bodies. “That’s better. Come now.” Our arms laced tightly as he led me off once more.

           “What a gentleman.” I watched the circle of protection follow us, keeping all rain out still.

           “How have you been since the battle?”

           “Oh? Better, I suppose. Figured a few things out that I wish I knew earlier but, I cannot complain.”

           “Yes. I think I know what you mean.” Thor looked down when I touched my head to his shoulder and squeezed his arm briefly.

           “Thank you, Thor,” I whispered and he knew what I meant.

           “Do not thank me just yet.” He touched my head with his free hand and kissed my hair. “In here.” We entered the shop of a local smith and I paused to look at Thor in question. “Is it ready?”

           “Yes, your highness, it was no trouble.” The apprentice handed Thor a wrapped weapon before he set a bag of gold coins on the counter as payment.

            “Hurry,” I was tugged back outside before I could question it and to a bench under a wide awning. “Open it.” Thor set the gift in my hands after we sat down and I stared up at him but obliged. Untying the fabric, my hands flew to my lips.

           “Thor…” I blinked, caught off-guard. “How? Why? When…?  _How_?” Unable to create sentences, I stared down at my old sword and dagger, perfectly sharpened and polished.

           “It seemed important to you. Hogun showed me where. I dove in and retrieved them. All they needed was a little care and affection to be good as new. Wrestled a few fish for them but it was no issue… I wanted to make it up to you. The battle.” Thor’s smile was bright when I glanced back up at him and beamed before trapping him in an embrace.

           “Thank you. Really, I mean it.” I cupped Thor’s face, blond hair fell between my fingers. “Thank you…so very much. You’re amazing.”

           “Time to create your own path.” Thor took my shoulders when I let him go. “You’ll find what you love and this will be a fine start. What I did today. I knew it was better for the throne and Asgard but, it was also selfish against my parents because losing Loki is something I can never do. You’re allowed to be selfish, even if it is against your own blood.” I contemplated his words and exhaled, nodded after a thoughtful moment.

           “I understand. I think you’re right and I’ll consider that in the future.”

           One last thing to do.

           Betray my past.

** ** **

           It isn’t possible to love her.

           Be good.

           Obey.

           The many words granted to me from my parents swirled as I pressed myself against the wall and listened as I usually did. Of course, it was impossible to trust them.

           “What did she tell you about today?” My father began.

           “She was with her friend, Fandral. Usually they meet with the others.” My mother replied shortly. She always told me she wanted what was best for me and I knew my father wanted what was best for him. In their minds, the one thing that bound them together was that these desires overlapped. I was the key to their futures.

           “I don’t want that scheming, man whore around her. Ruining her one of these days.”

           “He’s always been good to her. He could teach her things.” My mother’s words made my stomach curl. She was so blissfully ignorant of me and of her own husband. Maybe she liked it better than way. She'd rather I pretend. She'd rather I never come to her with my issues because it was too much for her.

           “I suppose. Better than her hanging around the young prince. Feminine little brat, preferring magic. Lurking about and pranking those around him. She’s drawn to him, I can tell. The ways she talked about dreams of magic and how talented he is.” My father sneered.

           “He’s too odd and he’ll never be tied down. Not after that news that he wouldn’t move off land to marry. Why else would he disagree? He wants to be free here.” My mother’s voice was soothing. “I don’t like her with him either but if it means she’ll be closer to Prince Thor… It could be good.”

            _What_?

           “She cannot be a great warrior and she cannot land a wealthy man. What good is she to us? I have tried to fix her. You let her get away with too much.”

           “Perhaps, I’ve sheltered her too often.” My mother sighed and my heart clenched up.  _Oh_. That’s how she felt. “Prince Thor has taken a liking to her. Other mothers talk about what they hear from palace servants. They are jealous of our daughter’s friendship with Thor. They’ve been seen together, looking much too happy. Prince Loki is strange and that alone is what draws her too him, she’ll back off eventually. He’s not someone she’ll go to for counsel or comfort. Thor will be the arms to fall into.”

           My parents did not just want me to marry rich.

           They wanted me to weasel my way into the very best.

           The richest bed in Asgard.

            _No_.

           Mashing my palm against my mouth, I slid further from the corner. It wasn’t this clear until now. The end game. I did not think it was this serious to them. I didn’t want this. Any of this.

           “She’ll do what’s best for her.” Mother went on softly.

           “We need to get out of this gutter. You know how many daughters are being thrust at the King’s heir?” My father was harsh in his words

           “Ours is closer to him than any of them. She's been friends with the Warriors Three, Lady Sif, and the princes since she was a small child.”

           “She needs to act fast. One lay and an accidental pregnancy-”

           Unable to hear anymore, I slipped back into my room and let my anger speed my breathing. Pacing, I watched the sky begin to darken and felt my soul shrivel up with it.

           That’s what I was in the end to them.

           I was not their daughter, but a mere extension.

           A piece.

           A pawn.

            _No, you are the Queen._

            _I can’t do this._

_You must._

_No, you must do what is best for you._

_I don’t know what’s best for me yet._

Unable to stop myself, I turned suddenly and lashed out when angry tears began to fall. My fist crashed into the mirror, shattering it along my reflection.

           This wasn’t my house.

           My parents didn’t know what is best.

           I have to be selfish.

           I don’t want to play this game anymore.

           I want to die.

           I want to live.

           Shaken, the pain along my knuckles registered before someone knocked at my door.

           “Are you all right?” My mother called. I just stood there, bleeding out onto the floor in slow drips.

            _You did this to me._

           No, I am not okay because I love you and I hate you and I hate you more for making me so confused. I hate you for standing between that evil man and I as if to protect me and then going onto guilt me and use me because you think I owe you. You brought him here and left me with him. I hate that you’ll never own up to hurting me and I hate more that you’ll never recognize that I needed you so much.

           She chose my father over me. No matter how it’s dressed up. Every single time. Instead of kicking him out when I was a child, she kept him in the house and truthfully, I didn’t care for her reasoning anymore.

           You want to stay with him.

           That monster.

            _So stay._

Let him eat you like he did with me.

And here lay the worst thing I would do to my mother.

           Leave her behind.

“I am fine,” I spoke through lying teeth. “Knocked something over.” Quickly, I changed the subject. “Did father ever finish that bread I made?”

           “Couldn’t get him to stop eating it. You saw.” She chuckled and laughter caved in my chest.

           “Yes,” I smiled widely into the pieces of broken mirror around my feet. The many reflections smiled back at me, breathing heavily. “Yes, I did. I’m going to turn in early. Goodnight.”

           “Goodnight, darling. I love you.”

           “I love you too, mother.” Of course, I did. But, love was not an excuse.

           This I knew early.

           Not as early as I wished.

           When she had gone, I wrapped some cloth around my hand to stop the blood dripping from it and kicked the mirror pieces under my bed.

            _What had I done?_

           I encouraged them to think Thor liked me. More so as a means to torture my father. It had gone too far. It was treason on their part to push me to Thor for their gain. Rain splattered my dress as I got out the window silently and backed up from my house. I could still just barely hear my parents beginning to shout at each other about some nonsense. I needed to tell someone. I needed out of this hell. So, I ran. Without a cloak or a care, I ran as fast as I could through the rain until the palace came into view. Until the person who I did, in fact, go to for counsel and comfort came to mind. Their name rested on my lips.

            _Loki_.

           He always knew what to do.

_I’m frightened._

_I must do this._

           Fate took me far from my house.

           From the game I played well.

           But, I knew. My heart knew.

           Fate would find another board to place me upon.

           This time, I’d fight it.

            _Shall we begin?_

_Yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I want to make it clear that I love story cliches but I try to twist them. Also, I have zero interest in Love Triangles just so ya know, so I avoid them even if the Lady is platonic/friendly/romantic with anyone else outside of Loki. That's Life. Any relationship the Lady is in, it'll never be like that. I like writing her life outside of her love interest. Thanks again! !!!


	3. Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one picks up after the last one, usually they're months/years apart. More growth as the Lady works on herself and tries to get out of a toxic environment. I think when I wrote this one early on, it was also about handling jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The friendship is strong, my dudes. Not much to say here. They're fools. This was written so long ago. Four years in fact. Fanart link in the end notes!!! Here it is, yeah.

            The light was gone from Asgard as rain fell heavily. My skin chilled. But, I kept moving until I passed the rows of pillars and made my way into the palace. Loki. I could talk to him. Loki always knew what to do. What to say. Newfound hope entered my body. I'd sprinted toward his room. I needed to see him. My heart picked up and I was knocking on his door.  _Please be here._  I’d march right up to him and tell him everything right now.

            “Yes? What…What is it?” Loki appeared, looking disheveled when he quickly came out and blocked my view inside his room; he held the door cracked behind him. I met his green eyes and nervously swept my hand through my wet locks to fix them. Water was dripping from my skin, hair, and clothing. “What were you doing in the rain?”

            “I…yes, I forgot my…” I trailed off as he observed me and shuffled my feet. “I wanted- ...I needed to tell you…”  _Spit it out._

            “I am in the  _middle_ of something,” Loki looked slightly impatient. “What did you need?”

            “Sorry, I realize I caught you getting ready for bed,” I eyed his clothing. His shirt was open, giving me a view of his pale chest and his pants were unlaced. Loki shifted, pressing his legs together and I tilted my head, rambling on. “I shouldn’t be coming here this late but, I had to. A lot happened and I needed to tell you what I just found out-…I just really needed to see you.”

            “Well?” He paused. “Look, it is not my intention to… I am afraid that I… Can this wait?”

            “I just-”

            “Your highness?” A soft voice called from Loki’s room. My body felt colder.

            “We’re waiting,” another added, giggling and I took a step back when Loki’s eyes locked back onto mine. _Oh._ The air left my body before I reminded myself to breathe.

            “Quiet!” He near hissed. “Give me a moment.”

            “Ah…” I stammered. “You’re… They… I’m sorry.” My stomach churned and my face felt hot.  _I’m so stupid._

            “What did you need?” Loki persisted, his gaze hardening and I shook my head.

            “It was silly,” I shook my head again quickly, clasping my hands behind my back.  I squeezed my wounded hand and tried not to wince as the pain kept me rooted back to the Earth. I pressed my fingers into the cut and felt sick relief in it.  _I’m so stupid._ “That…book you let me borrow. I just wanted to say that…that I’m really enjoying it. Thank you. I wanted to make sure...you were okay after, you know, that meeting.” I smiled tightly and thought my face would crack.  _Spit the words out! Why am I such a coward?_  “And I… We’ll talk…later maybe…” Loki tilted his head at me and I kept smiling, my blush apparent as I played it off. 

            “…That is all?”

            “Yes. I…I’ll let you get back to...” Embarrassed, I lowered my head and turned to go, speeding a bit down the hallway before he could get a word in. I could feel Loki watching me before he closed his door and I stopped abruptly next to a column when my legs felt weak. _I’m so stupid._ Alone, I had to press my hand over my mouth tightly to stop from sobbing when hot tears poured down my face. Why was I crying? Loki can do whatever-or whomever-he wants. I was so close to telling him. My gut twisted and I heaved for air like smoke filled my lungs. I felt like a coward.  _Stupid._ Catching my reflection in the glass across from me, my gaze went cold and I backed up. I about wanted to burst out of my skin, I felt so damn trapped. I should have told him.

            Instead, I jogged down the hall to escape from my own reflection. I couldn’t look at myself and I was freezing cold but burning up with I don’t know what and I  _hated_  it. I felt ugly somehow. Turning down another hallway, I went faster and ignored the odd looks I got from attendents before I spun and almost bumped into someone. I skidded to a halt and slipped, falling at their feet with a thud on my ass. Everything came to a head and I burst into tears.  _So stupid._

            “Oh my…” I heard a woman gasp and realized it was the Queen I’d almost run into and it was the Queen’s feet I was now crying at.  _Stop crying_ , I scolded myself but I couldn’t stop, sobbing openly and I wanted to rip out my hair to help stop the flow of tears. “Leave us,” Frigga beckoned for her ladies to go and I was still crying, my face now hidden in my hands. My thoughts went to Loki and those women who were probably touching his skin and hair while he whispered in their ear and I hated feeling so small because of it. I thought of all the other people he’d probably had, maybe even loved and the realization that he would never feel about me like I felt about him cut into me.  _I am so stupid._  Crying over a man in front of his mother. That was sad. It’s funny how such small things can infect us until they seep into every crevice of our brains. It wasn’t Loki’s fault I felt like this. It wasn't on the beautiful ladies touching him now either. I just needed to get the words out. I needed to betray my own parents. But, Frigga touched my shoulder and compelled me to rise.

            “Come with me, dear. I wish for you to tell me all about it.” Sniffling, I allowed her to lead me off and I realized that she’d led me into the healing room. Healers paced about to work on warriors sitting around on different tables and I looked down. Moira waved across the way but didn’t approach when she saw my face.

            “I…I’m sorry, your highness…I didn’t mean to…” I stammered as Frigga led me into another empty room and sat me down. She put a blanket over my shoulders and I held it around myself.

            “Hush, calm yourself and dry off. Second time I find you soaking wet, I should buy you an umbrella.” Frigga took a seat at the table with me and I let out a slow breath to settle down. “What brought you to this?” I didn’t know how to begin and I was afraid suddenly. “I am aware that you’ve issues within your home, why not start with this,” she took my pained hand, “while I heal it for you?”

            “I…” My gaze flickered down again and she touched my chin gently.

            “You can share anything with me, dear. You do know that, yes?” She smiled tenderly and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You are a wonderful companion to both my sons. Let me assist you.”

            “My Queen, I-”

            “ _Frigga_.” She corrected me. “I’ve told you before.”

            “Frigga, I…I shouldn’t speak about…it’s just that, it is about my parents.”

            “You are afraid to speak ill of your family.”

            “My parents were good, loyal warriors. Retired now and I… They aren’t…”

            “Being a respectable warrior is not the same, nor does it make you a respectable parent,” she spoke and I wanted to cry again suddenly when her words struck me.

            “It wasn’t always like this…or maybe I didn’t realize it. They’ve always pushed me to be a great warrior. A great daughter. I’ve done everything they’ve ever asked… Behaved. Tried to be good and somehow it hasn’t felt like enough when they look at me. Does that make sense?” Frigga nodded, smiling to encourage me to go on and I allowed her to unwrap my hand. Her eyebrows went up when she saw the cuts across my knuckles.

            “How did you receive this?”

            “I…I lashed out and… _accidentally_  broke…a mirror,” I waited for her to shake her head but instead she went on to begin healing it. “I don’t want you to hate me,” I confessed in a squeak.

            “You may confide in me,” the Queen insisted and I took another breath.

            “My parents haven’t been…happy with me lately and I didn’t understand why. My mother knew that I was interested in healing and magic. I know I’m a good warrior and I can hold my own with steel easily but I want to learn new skills. I want more. I’ve done a bit of magic before and I know that I want to learn. After what happened on the training grounds, what the King said. Though…Loki probably won’t teach me.”

            “Loki still has much to learn on his own, perhaps he will one day,” Frigga offered. “Do not give up, if that is your wish.”

            “That’s just it, my parents don’t admire the thought of it one bit, they think I should pick up that axe and stick with it. I’ve ruined…ah… Time and time again, I’ve lowered myself to bring them up and been what they needed. They told me several times, I should be  _normal_ , stick with Thor and my usual friends, and train only with them but…” I didn’t want to upset Frigga with what I was about to say.

            “Go on,” she continued healing and I exhaled.

            “Today, I realized that my parents don’t want me…to be close with Loki. Because he’s trouble and he’s  _different_  and he’ll…make me  _unpopular_ …and I’m sorry… I didn’t know they-”

            “Shh, continue now…”

            “It isn't just that. They kept pushing me get closer to Thor and Thor is one of my closest friends too but…they wanted me to…”

            “Dear… You are not the only young woman being pushed at my elder son,” Frigga offered then and I realized she understood before I sighed, relieved. “Many guardians are trying to use their children, their daughters, to get closer to Thor because he will be King one day. They really believe I do not see it. I am insulted.” Frigga smirked wide and I knew where Loki had gotten that expression.

            “I didn’t know. I do care for your sons and I didn’t know that my parents…I swear, I didn’t think they would,” I really did  _not_  want to say it, “ _use me_  to get closer to your family. Not like that.”

            “Using your children only to further your own happiness is selfish,” Frigga finished up and touched my face. “You are not at fault.”

            “If you don’t want me here anymore, I’ll understand.”

            “No, look at me,” I gazed at the Queen. “I stated that it is not your fault and you must believe that now. You must state the words to me aloud.”

            “It’s not…It’s not my fault.”

            “There. Now remember that. I am very aware that you are close to my boys. You wouldn't do such a thing.”

            “Why is it….that some people often treat Loki differently without getting to know him?” I whispered then and Frigga sat back.

            “I wish, with all my heart, that things could be different in that light.”

            “May I ask you something else?”

            “Of course.”

            “Why…did you teach Loki magic, and not Thor?”

            “Thor has his own skill set of interest and Loki… Loki  _is_  different but not in a way that is unacceptable at all…though most seem to not distinguish a difference, I’m afraid. Our court is wrapped up in old ways. Odin and Thor are willing to change that. I taught Loki magic because he spent far too much time in Thor and Odin’s shadows. I wanted to give him some sun.” Frigga was the mother I wished I’d had.

            “Loki is one of my best friends, and wish more could see him as I do. ”

            “So do I,” Frigga touched my face again and put some of my damp hair behind my ear. “Come with me into the healing room.” I stood, leaving the blanket, and followed her curiously, glancing down at my hand. “You are fond of my son.”

            “Yes…I’m close to both Thor and Loki.”

            “Certainly, but, you feel differently for Loki.”

            “You sound like Fandral. If…I say yes, would you tell him?” Gods, why did I have so much trouble admitting it?

            “It is your secret to hold,” Frigga went on as I watched her go through a glass case of medicines, herbs, and healing stones. “He is fond of you.” I wanted to believe her but that feeling of jealousy in the pit of my stomach returned.  _Not in the way I wished he was,_  said my mind and I shoved the thought away. Frigga moved over to a warrior harboring a burn on his arm before she beckoned me over. “You’ve used healing stones, yes?”

            “Yes, Sif, Loki, and I have had to heal Thor numerous times when he resists in battle,” I smiled after Frigga did.

            “That does not surprise me. Let me show you another way now,” she pointed to a page in a book and I peered over to see a basic healing spell that I’ve seen done frequently by warriors. “You said you’ve done some magic, try this one. It is simple. Heal his arm for him.” The man held out his wounded arm to me and I cradled it in one hand, concentrating while I hovered my free hand over the burn. “Very good. Feel your heart open fully. Concentrate on what you wish to achieve.” I thought about the words in my head, focused on them, concentrated every thought on healing and my palm glowed lavender as power surged down my arm. Inhaling, I blinked when I finished, seeing the wound gone.  _Alive._  I felt alive.

            “Many thanks, milady,” he spoke kindly and I smiled.

            “You are welcome…” I turned to Frigga as she beckoned for me to follow.

            “You live quite far from the palace. You are also about of age to leave your home, what have you thought about doing?”

            “I am a warrior, I’m going to keep training and…”

            “Ah, yes, of course, our  _best_  warriors can eventually get residence in the palace dormitories. Fandral just moved into our dorms and Sif has been with us for a long while, it seems.” She spoke and I nodded. “What if I told you, that if you also trained in healing under me, you could get residence quite sooner? While I am not able to take an official apprentice in magic, I’m sure one day that Loki will be ready. Wait for him. But, while you keep training…say,  _if_  you took a part time job as a healer under my teaching for just a couple days of the week in the palace. You could both, begin a bit of training in magic and we could arrange for you to receive your room while you work with me and my head ladies.”

            “You would do that for me…?” I looked awed and tried to handle my excitement. I was almost scared to hope.

            “No, you are doing it for yourself,” Frigga settled a graceful hand on my shoulder. Behind her, Moira smiled and turned to her studies. “Tomorrow, I can send for you, if you wish.”

            “I…I want to… I really want to start,” I nodded, smiling genuinely now. “Thank you…”

            “You must balance your time here and training still but I believe you can arrange that with ease.”

            “Yes, yes. I will, I… I’m so grateful… I will work so hard, I promise. Thank you, Frigga.”

            “No, I am grateful for you,” the Queen didn’t say why as she went on. “Rest and wait for my word. You will make a fine addition to the palace.”

            “Thank you so much,” I could have cried again but I didn’t, far too exhausted already.

            “Make your way home for now and find some peace,” she walked me out and beckoned for me to go but I paused. “Do not worry.”

            “They sometimes…say that you have the capacity to see parts of the future,” I stated then. “If that is true, would you ever say anything about it?”

            "I am afraid not,” Frigga smiled wistfully. I watched something somber befall her expression.

            “Why’s that?” I tilted my head.

            “The future has never and will never truly be ours to know,” the Queen went on. “We must always have the power to create our own. That is true freedom.” I nodded, understanding as she continued. “However, I am allowed to make it known when someone is important.” Frigga’s smile radiated and I beamed, thanking her again. “Go on now.”

** ** ** **

            Two days later, I couldn’t wipe the grin from my face while I sat perched under my usual tree. Wind blew through my hair as I glanced down at the official summons in my hand, I read the writing again for the fiftieth time since yesterday and bit my lip, glancing back up as the sun shone in from the grey clouds. Water in the broad pond gave off soft ripples as the crisp air gently swept over it. I felt peaceful. Like something in the world was fresh and new. My life was starting again and I’d be in the palace grounds, away from my empty little house.  _I’d be closer to Loki_ , said the back of my mind and I glanced at the leaves rustling above me. This wasn’t about Loki. It was about me. The thought made me smile again.

            “It would have been marvelous,” I heard a group of women giggling and turned over when one spoke as they walked along the grass. “The young prince is a beast in his own way. At first, he was at least." I realized the voice belonged to one of the women I’d heard in Loki’s chambers.The court ladieswere genuinely helpful and skilled women, they loved to gossip about the Elders which I secretly enjoyed. Always the life of the party and bright with encouragement for other girls. But, I couldn’t help it when I stood and lingered behind the group, acting like I was walking toward the palace. More Asgardians were pacing along the grounds and I strained to hear the girls ahead of me. I recalled these ladies from times when they often came to braid the hair of warriors before battles.

            “It would have been marvelous, if we’d gone through with it, you mean,” another woman added. "It would have been fun, but, ah, well. I've had better."

            “Tell me what happened,” a third chimed in as the four gossiped. I tried not to be jealous. Making someone else jealous wasn’t a crime and my emotions were my problem. But, oh, I was more so curious.

            “You've had better than Prince Loki?" The first covered her lips to snicker. "I suppose there is truth to that. He is handsome though. Things were divine. A sorcerer’s hands are a gift. We were interrupted by someone and Prince Loki seemed so distracted when he came back.”

            “Agitated even, like his mind was elsewhere,” added the second. “Finally, he whispered the name of another woman, appeared even more annoyed, and got up in his distracted state. He couldn't even get aroused.” They laughed and I tried not to snort that that, my cheeks dusted with pink. "It was almost cute, he was pining. So, we left for the night. Clearly, he has a little something to work through and the Elders are not going to like it. Makes me more happy in fact. I hope he comes to his senses."

            “Whose name was it?” Asked the fourth and I kept shuffling forward, my body screamed at them for the answer.

            “That shy, pretty friend of his. Warrior. Plump little hourglass, darker features. The strange one.”

            I’ve never taken off running so quickly.

** ** **

            That’s me. The strange one. That has to be me. He’d said my name.  _Mine_. I wondered how he said it. Did he whisper it? Like a soft sigh. I pictured his voice and how it must have sounded laced in desire and,  _oh god_ , how embarrassing.  _The strange one._  That woman had me pegged. But, by the time I’d come back to myself I was knocking on Loki’s door and suddenly he was standing there. One eyebrow quirked up and I realized I had no idea why I’d come with the stupid smile still on my face. “Here to tell me about  _the book_  again?”

            “I’m sorry…about that. I ruined your night and-”

            “How do you know that you ruined my night?” Loki asked and I shook my head quickly.

            “I…I don’t, I just…figured…I did. They were very pretty.”

            “Yes, well you did not, I did it myself. I did not need your assistance.” He was half serious.

            “Good. Oh, that isn’t what I meant. I mean…you know what I…I mean.”

            “Will you perhaps think of a better lie this time?” He stated forwardly and my gaze snapped up.

            “I wasn’t-”

            “You really believed that I could not tell you were acting  _strangely_?” Loki stood back and beckoned for me to come in, which I did after a moment.  _The strange one_ , my head said again. He closed the door before continuing, “you left a puddle in front of my door last night. Poor ladies almost slipped on the way out.” His lip quirked up and I glanced down when amusement crossed my still embarrassed features.

            “Sorry…”

            “ _Stop apologizing_ ,” he ordered pointedly. “Sit,” came his command and I almost missed the armchair when I sat back instantly. Loki appeared entertained again and turned to cross the room. “Wine?”

            “No, thank you,” I watched his back as he poured himself a goblet of red wine and sat across from me comfortably, spreading his legs like he was on the throne. Loki sipped before licking his lips and I sat straighter when he set his goblet down.

            “I had a small, fascinating conversation with my mother recently.” Loki’s green eyes were doing that thing they always did, where they blazed holes into me and I glanced down at my hands in my lap. How much did he know?

            “Oh? About what?”

            “You are going to be healing in the palace and you will also be moving here to the dorms. How fortunate you must feel.”

            “I do,” I spoke.

            “How  _ever_  did that come about?”

            “Oh… Well, I’ve been wanting…to move out just because I’m…at that age, you know? Millions of years and whatnot. I take my training seriously and I’m better served here.” I smiled what I hoped was a convincing smile because you never knew with Loki.

            “That so? I suppose you are right but that also does not correlate fully with the conversation I overhead after you left a rain puddle at my door.” Loki was still staring at me and I hadn’t even looked up as I furrowed my brow.  _I should have known._  “Now, I am aware as to why I've never met your parents.”

            “How did you hear?” I cleared my throat. I’d told Frigga that I had feelings for him,  _oh god_ , did he hear it?

            “Materialized a replica to trail after you. Though, I had to stop sometime after my mother stated that it was not your fault. Bit rude to leave my body while I'm in bed with someone.” Loki sipped his wine again and I sighed, relieved, he hadn’t heard. “I started it again, once I told those ladies to leave. Pushing my mind elsewhere was far too distracting and took more out of me than I had originally perceived. Though, I suppose I needed the practice.”

            “I’m-”

            “If you apologize again, I swear-”

            “…alright.” I paused, “so you heard most all of it.”

            “That is correct.”

            “Are you upset?”

            “Not for the reason you believe I am.” Loki watched me glance back up at him. “You are one of my closest friends, next time I foremost expect you to spit the truth out while you leave rain puddles at my door. We've had a trying last few days, I don't blame you. As for the beings you regretfully derive your patronymic from: I care not for what they assume of me. My mother is far too aware that Asgardians similar to them are everywhere and she did appreciate that you confessed the truth to her when you knew.”

            “Am I foolish for wanting to hope that it will get better? Every time I thought they would…it all crumbled again and…” I paused, glancing down and looking back up at him. “I just don’t know anymore,” shrugging my shoulders finally, I sat back when he stood.

            “I do not think it is foolish to expect more from the people who raised you. Treating you as a future political piece is distasteful in all aspects.” Loki held out his goblet to me. “Take a drink, you require it more than I do at the moment.” Exhaling, I took the goblet and ended up drinking the entire thing in one swig. Loki took his cup back and was about to drink as he passed in front of my legs but realized the cup was empty. An entertained look crossed his face before he went to pour more, waving his hand as magic did the work.

            “Thanks,” the wine warmed my stomach and I took another breath. “So you don’t believe I had anything to do with what my parents said?”

            “Are you only interested in marrying my brother one day and becoming his Queen?”

            “No, thank you.”

            “In that case, no.” Loki smirked, shifting to sit once more. “When are you moving into the palace?”

            “Frigga said it would be a few days,” I smiled lightly.

            “Your parents must actually be  _thrilled_  at the prospect of you being closer to us.”

            “That’s all they could say actually. Nothing about the fact that I’d be working under the Queen in healing. Said ‘ _do you realize how important this is to us_?’ and I’m  _so glad_  that they can look at me now and see such a valuable opportunity.” I scoffed bitterly, crossing my legs and Loki smirked.

            “Do you want another drink?”

            “No, no,” I waved my hand. “I may not stop.” Instead, Loki went on.

            “Once you are here, I imagine you will be far too busy to visit them. What a shame.” He paused and sat forward, taking another drink of wine before he set the goblet down on the table. “How are you transporting your things?”

            “Not sure yet,” I replied and Loki was smirking wider. “What is going through your head right now?”

            “My mother and I can send a carriage to get your things but, would I not be  _astounding_  in the mix if I was there to assist? Your dear friend.”

            “I think my parents might be partly afraid of you, to be honest.”

            “You are making it sound all the better. If you do not allow me, I am still going to show up.” Loki smiled and I bit the inside of my cheek to suppress my own grin.

            “If you must.” I stood up, “I have to meet Frigga soon but, I’ll speak with you later.” Loki was quick to stand and approach me.

            “Do well to remember what my mother said.” Loki spoke and I realized how close together we were standing as he towered over me. “You harbor no blame and I expect you to leave that life behind you when you arrive here.”

            “Perhaps that is all I can do.”

            “Until then,” Loki reached for my hand and pulled it up. “Do not lash out and fight with anymore mirrors. We will have another little chat about that on a different day.” His thumb brushed over my knuckle and my lips parted with a breath. “Warriors and sorcerers alike must take decent care of their hands and I do rather appreciate yours.” Cool lips pressed against my skin and my breath caught completely as green eyes lingered on my face before he pulled away. Loki and I looked at each other for a moment when he shifted toward me but I stepped back when my stomach churned over with something.

            “I’ll… I’ll see you later.”

            “Yes, of course,” Loki didn’t move, fiddling with his hands as per his usual habit. Bidding him farewell, I turned to go and shut the door on my way out.

** ** **

            “Prince Loki,” my mother almost dropped the plate in her hand and my father was quick to come in the room. “We did not expect you here. Forgive the mess.” They both bowed almost to the floor and Loki relished the attention.

            “Loki told me he would come to assist,” I piped up. "Did I neglect to mention that?" My father's stare blazed me but I refused to feel that heat.

            “I’ve a carriage to transport us quickly. We have to get back soon…as my brother wished to meet us and go riding for the evening.” Loki was testing them and I tilted my head at the lie. He'd come to size them up, I realized.

            “Prince Thor?” My mother’s eyes got big and I glanced at Loki, raising an eyebrow before I went with it.

            “Yes… I’m going riding with him later to celebrate. We should hurry.”

            “Yes, yes, go on. Your highness, if you require anything, please do not be hesitant to ask,” my father added. I half expected him to pucker his lips and kiss Loki's ass. Which I'm certain had a fine shape to it. “I’m sure you’ve brought servants to put her boxes into the carriage.”

            “No, I figured magic would suffice,” Loki mused when they both faltered.

            “I’m going to show Loki to my room.” Idly, I took Loki’s hand and led him through my small home. “You don’t come to the villages this far out, do you?”

            “No, not at all.” Loki was looking at our hands before I released him to shut my door. My room was tiny and I watched Loki observe it.

            “This is my room…” I shifted my feet. My father was a monster and my mother was too weak to go against him and here I was feeling so small again.

            “I’ve never seen your residence. Though, now I do know why. Your parents really are after making you a queen. The way their eyes changed at the very mention of you and Thor. A pity they cannot simply see you as I do.” My heart could have sang and I had to glance elsewhere at his idle comment.

            “I was very careful to keep everyone away,” I added softly. Loki eyed the mirror; the actual mirror part was gone from the frame as I’d thrown the pieces out days ago. He looked back at me with an expression I tried to read. “What are you thinking?” I asked instead, my voice still hushed.

            “I am trying to imagine you in such a state of emotion and rage that you wound yourself in the process.” Our eyes stayed locked onto each other.  _Loki, I wish I could tell you the truth about me._

            “I don’t wish for you to see it,” I spoke, turning to stack one box onto another. When I faced Loki again, he was standing closer to me.

            “Why did you come to me straight after then?” He wondered quietly.

            “I thought…” I shifted back and he moved forward until I was basically sitting braced onto one of my wooden boxes. “Because I… You…”

            “ _Why_?” Loki asked, his voice lower and softer while he searched my face. Broad hands settled on my knees and I realized he was practically standing between my legs.

            “We…are  _close_ …surely we’re allowed to come to each other when…we really need it. That’s what, um… When two people are  _close_ , they…they do that, yes?”

           “We are  _close_  now.” I could feel Loki’s cool breath against my face and shifted as my legs brushed his hips. I thought of him with the lovers he’d taken to his bed and how I couldn’t function before I glanced away, our eye contact breaking.

          “I… We should…get this done.” At the core, I still wondered what my name sounded like when it fell from his lips. Loki glanced up and to my door, narrowing his gaze as his hands left my knees and I gained the ability to move again.

            “Your parents are talking about us right now. You were right, they do not fancy me.”

            “We won’t have to come here again,” I stated and he nodded once. “Frigga said that I didn’t need to bring furniture so I put all of my things in the boxes and I’m going to leave everything else. They should fit onto the carriage, no problem.” Watching Loki lift his hand, I got excited. He flicked his wrist, fingers splayed out as his hand glowed green and every wooden box lifted at once, floating in midair.

            “Come.” Loki opened my door as the boxes filed out and I took one last look around. “There is nothing here for you anymore.” He reached out for my hand and I met his gaze before my fingers touched his. I smiled.

            “Let’s go.” We walked into the main room.

            “I’m leaving.” Both my parents hugged me affectionately, whispering to have a wonderful time with Thor and update them frequently on life in the palace through letters. Loki glanced out to see the boxes stacking themselves into the carriage and I noticed my dad rubbing a sore spot in his head. Idly, Loki took my hand again and squeezed it in front of my parents.

            “A crate knocked me in the head without warning, quite the handle you have on your magic, your highness,” he spoke, sitting down and my mother put a large pint of mead in front of him. I raised an eyebrow when I felt Loki’s hand twitch. That was not smart.

            “Oh.” Loki didn’t appear sorry. “Yes, I dare say it does me quite well. Would you like to see?” Not waiting for an answer, he flicked his wrist again and my father about screamed when he lifted his cup only for little snakes to slither out from it. My mother jumped back and knocked a stack of plates over when my father’s cup fell with a clatter. Chuckling aloud, Loki flicked his wrist and the snakes dissipated into smoke. I was biting the inside of my cheek again to suppress any emotion that dared come out. My father looked to me and he was utterly powerless for the first time.

            It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

            My fingers laced into Loki’s fully and I stared back at him, lips lifting subtly.  _Just watch me now, father._ Forcibly, my parents had to laugh with the prince like it was a joke. This was all just a long, terrible joke.

            “Just a bit of fun, right, my  _friends_?” Loki's lips spread.

            “You…You got me,” my father’s forced chuckle sounded really pathetic and my mother’s smile kept faltering. I eyed the smashed plates before I turned back to look at Loki, ignoring the look I got from my mother as she appeared to want me to bend over and assist when she picked them up. I didn’t think Loki was going to let go of my hand either way.

            “I imagine I should get your daughter back to the palace grounds as my brother will whine incessantly over her absence,” Loki grinned when my parents both appeared to take interest in the statement.

             “Goodbye, Mother. Father.” Was all I allowed them.

            “If I may? Prince Loki…” My mother bowed her head. “If it isn't too bold. Dare I say that there could be a royal wedding in the works?” Loki brought my hand up and gave it a pat as he held it within both of his own.

            “Between you and I,” he grinned and it was probably the most charming smile I’ve ever seen. “A future royal marriage could already be quite certain.”

** ** **

            “Did you see that fear at the end there?” I voiced triumphantly as our horses trotted over the grass. Once we’d put the boxes in my new room, Loki and I did go riding but just the two of us for the evening. “The way you teased them. Loki, if you took up torturing prisoners, I might even be afraid of you.” I snickered as he shrugged, slowing his horse down.

            “I have decided after further deliberation that I do not approve of your parents.”

            “I can already see my mother sending letters, asking me if Thor proposed.”

            “My brother and you will fall madly in love one day. You will be Queen of Asgard and your parents will hold festivities into oblivion.”

            “Yes, we should probably let Thor know that we’re getting married at some point,” I shrugged and he chuckled.

            “If there is a grand feast in front of him, my brother would not even know the difference between a battle and a marriage. I’ve seen him almost eat his own plate in the confusion.”

            “Thor is almost…he’s like an older brother to me, just like Volstagg and Hogun.” I shook my head and shrugged, remembering that moment in the library. “How about you shapeshift into me and kiss him and deliver all of my eloquent vows?” My horse shook its head and nudged at Loki’s horse as we trotted side by side. I took in the smell of grass and fresh air and smiled wider when Loki chuckled aloud.

            “I most certainly do not wish to kiss that oaf any more than you do. He actually is my brother. I’d do better kissing this horse.” We both laughed when Loki dismounted to hand the reins off to a stable boy before I did the same, giving my horse a pat on the nose before I followed after Loki.

            “I’m going to unpack tonight, you’re welcome to sit around and cause trouble for me,” I clasped my hands behind my back.

            “I shall bring wine and we can celebrate your arrival to the palace. In fact,” Loki shrugged, like he was trying to act nonchalant, “let’s have our dinners brought up.”

            “So we can eat and drink and talk but not actually do any work unpacking yet?” I smirked slightly, making a half attempt to hide how much I really wanted to do that.

            “You make it sound so much more favorable.”

            “Why not then. Sounds like fun.” I sighed as we reached the palace and paused, people passing us idly. Loki stood over me and I found my voice again. “Meet me in my room for dinner?”

            “I will be there.” Loki didn’t move to go and neither did I while we were both staring at each other again. I saw his hand move up out of the corner of my eye before it lowered again and I shifted my feet, wishing he wouldn’t have stopped whatever he was going to do. I felt like we’d been dancing the past few days. I glanced around to see no one looking at us before I stood up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

           “Thank you,” I whispered and Loki turned his head so our lips were just mere inches apart. A part of me screamed to just move in and capture his lips, touch his face, sigh against his mouth,  _anything_. But, I lowered myself back from my toes and Loki’s gaze snapped from my lips to my eyes. “Both you and Frigga have done a lot for me the past few days and I’m very grateful…so thank you again.”

          “This is what  _close_  companions do, yes?” He offered and I chuckled softly, looking down.

          “Yes,” I nodded before I glanced up to run my eyes along his face again. Loki was truly beautiful to me. In all aspects. I wondered what he looked at me and saw but then I stepped back. I can’t dwell on these things. I’d live. My life was changing. I think for the better. “I’m going to clean up…see you in a little while?”

          “Yes,” Loki straightened, clasping his hands behind his back. “Certainly.” We parted ways, going down different hallways and I paused to glance back at him as he walked in those familiar long strides. Smiling, I bit my lip and turned to go.

          Back in my new and much larger room, I changed and cleaned up quickly to wait for Loki. Slowly, I approached the balcony and opened it to let the wind gently blow in. My view was Asgard was breathtaking. Leaving the glass doors open, I went back inside and moved toward the vanity I’d been given before I ran my fingers along the frame. The mirror was crystal clear and I glanced at the woman in it about to start anew. She looked peaceful. A knock sounded at my door and I heard Loki’s captivating voice call my name softly. I closed my eyes, a surge of happiness filling me before I exhaled and came back into myself.

          The woman in the mirror smiled fully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hoping to put the next few up too! :D Special Thanks to my best friend for drawing fanart for this chapter, check it out right here!--> http://its-a-kaze.tumblr.com/post/169339550883/


	4. Lanterns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely wrote the first half of this one to the Tangled soundtrack. Won't lie. But, I love sappy stories with banquets and balls and fireworks. So many cliches to explore. More stupid love build up, lanterns, festivals, and hunting gone wrong with the squad. It's clear that I'm one of the authors that loves bringing pain to my main characters. Sorry. Loki is honestly a nerd, like he's this mysterious/powerful prince of Asgard but wowie, he is a dummy and everyone in Asgard knows this and they tolerate him. Shout out to Asgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence and some gore in this chapter. I'm looking at the violence in this one and comparing it to recent stuff I wrote for this story thinking, wow, I was so tame. This takes place a while after moving from home, where our Lady is settling in. Loki struggled with his feelings as he always does and comes to a few realizations.

_Oh hell. No… No no no. Why now? This can’t be happening now._  I closed my eyes and took a seat on the large staircase.  _Please tell me it didn’t just happen._  But as I’d opened my eyes again, I caught sight of the rip at the back bottom of my lush magenta dress and the broken heel on my right foot.

            “No,” I groaned silently, dropping my head on my knees. “Not tonight.” I was already late.  _My first big palace banquet and festival and this is what happens. My luck is just perfect._ The one exceptionally nice dress and pair of shoes I have and I’ve managed to ruin them both by stumbling on the stairs in a hurry before the festival has even started.  _Damn it._  The banquet was going on and the festival would be starting soon after and here I was sitting alone on the palace stairs. Picking up the broken heel, I looked it over with no way of fixing it or my dress and frowned deeply.  _I try looking beautiful for one night and this is what I get. Figures._ Tucking my hair behind my ear, I considered just going back into my room and staying there. _Why did I bother?_ "My life is garbage." I'd moaned, falling back on the step behind me.

          Standing, I awkwardly braced myself against a pillar when I moved down and held my dress up with my other hand. Carefully, I limped slightly with a broken shoe. I was so late now. Agitated, I huffed and shuffled forward when swift footsteps sounded behind me. Embarrassed, I rounded the pillar and steadied my breathing when I heard the footsteps get closer. I bit my lip and clutched my heel and dress tighter to me, daring to peek at who it was.  _Loki?_ He clasped his hands behind his back, his pace slowing as he moved passed me. The prince looked regal in the fine outfit of his usual black and green colors with more shiny gold adornments standing out along the pristine leather. I pressed myself against the pillar to gaze at him longer as he moved. The lone sight of Loki walking down the hallway gracefully with his formal clothing and soft black hair while the torches flickered was in a word, captivating.

           Pleased I’d seen him, I allowed myself to smile lightly for just a moment before I shook my thoughts away.  _He, nor anyone else, is going to see me like this I’m going back to my room and staying there to think of an excuse._  Shaking my head again solemnly, I lowered my gaze and moved closer to the shadows before the bottom of my broken shoe clicked against the floor. My breath hitched when the footsteps paused and I froze on my hidden spot. Slowly, I heard them start again and when they appeared to be out of range, I poked my head out once more. Glancing around the empty hall, I held my dress tight and hobbled slightly while I moved to go a different way but I’d barely taken five awkward steps before a voice caused me to freeze again in the middle of the floor, my shoulders going tense.

            “You are  _very_  late.” I raised my eyebrows and slowly turned my head to see Loki leaning against the archway he’d originally gone to, a smug expression on his face.

            “Yes,” I puffed, straightening up and dropping my dress skirt when I’d hidden my broken heel behind my back. “What are you doing here?”

           “They sent me to come fetch you.”

           “I was just-”

            “You see, you are  _never_  late, I considered your death for a moment.”

            “Still breathing. Begrudgingly.” Shrugging, I laughed nervously. “I’m allowed to be late once in awhile. I had help from one of the court ladies to perfect my eyes and lips, ran a bit long.” Loki moved forward with his gaze intently on me. “I’m  _so_ glad you’re concerned but…I’m fine.”

            “Why then?”

            “Why what?”

            “Why,” he stepped up to me, towering, “are you so late?”

            “I…also forgot something.” I offered stiffly and he smirked.

            “You are a far better liar than that.”

            “Yes,” I pointed at him, glaring, “ _well_ , I can’t think of a better one!” It was then that I realized I had my broken heel in my hand and gasped, quickly hiding it away but Loki’s smirk was wider. I shifted my stance, glancing down before I looked back up at him.

            “I see now.” Loki circled around me and snatched the heel from my hand as he moved to face me. “Clumsy tonight? What rotten luck.”

            “Give that back,” I stepped forward only to stumble into him, the metal on our clothing gave a soft clank when I reached with no avail when he held it up. “Loki!”

            “You’ve ruined your shoe and the back of your skirts,” he was both calm and amused. “How  _ever_  did you manage that?”

            “I should be so lucky,” I glared, grabbing the heel back, my face heating with more embarrassment. Hardened, I pushed past him and stalked off, still hobbling, when he chuckled as I stumbled. I was determined. “Don’t…laugh at me…” I whispered, the melancholy in my mood coming to the surface and Loki paused.

            “You’ve no need to be upset. Simply-”

            “No, you see, I think I do,” I spun back to him, holding my balance. “Tonight was supposed to be this  _wonderful_  night where I could be with you all in the palace and allow myself some damn ease for the first time in  _so long_. I could put on a pretty dress and…and feel relaxed…and, and clean and just…just  _beautiful_  for once.” His eyebrow quirked up in confusion as I went on. “And  _you_  may not get this,  _my prince_ , but I could enjoy my first palace banquet and festival since I’ve moved here and feel at home somewhere…and for a night, forget everything awful.” I’d poked him in the chest, earning another raised eyebrow. “But, seeing as I cannot manage it, I just feel foolish. So  _typical_. And I just feel so damn silly right now and if you even think to repeat any of this to the other warriors, I will strangle you, okay?!  _Enjoy your party._ ” Turning, I shuffled off with hard steps but his words made me pause.

           “Why not just change and come back down then?” He spoke and I didn’t turn, clutching the heel to my chest as I exhaled and dropped my shoulders.

           “I…I don’t have another…” Too embarrassed to admit it fully, I looked down at my shoes and shifted.

           “Well, that being the case, we shall do this my way until you do,” Loki appeared to catch onto what I meant and took my elbow, leading me to the stairs. “Sit.”

           “I really-”

           “Sit,” Loki ordered and nudged me to do so. Relenting, I dropped my hands on my lap before he took my ankle, causing me to jolt. “Hold still,” his cool hand slid over my skin and I swallowed the lump in my throat when my dress slipped to my knee.  _This is not happening._  Loki paused, shifting my leg when he spotted a small, faded scar on the side of my calf. “Where did you get that?”

          “Oh, happened when I was really young, I think I fell out of a tree. I let it heal on its own.” I laughed it off.  _Years ago. Happened when I burnt myself with a fire poker. See, I was a better liar._  “Can I have my leg back? I should go upstairs.”

          “No, you are going to dinner.”

          “Am I?”

          “Yes. I could have solved this  _ages_  ago if you would have simply come to me.” His hands glowed with magic and I spoke.

          “Right, I would have limped into the banquet and asked you in front of everyone to fix my broken shoe and ripped dress, as if you were a fairy to grant a wish,” I responded, sarcastic. Loki smirked again and his hand left my ankle to touch my skirts while he shifted closer to me, leaning in.

            “I am far superior to those creatures,” he glanced up at me smugly and my eyes flickered over his. I let out my breath when he looked down suddenly and finished up. “Do not feel too bad. There was that time Thor ripped his pants open on the training grounds.”

            “I heard you did that to him,” I crossed my arms, smiling cracking finally.

            “Oh. You’re grinning now,” Loki shrugged, amused as my smile got wider before I pushed his shoulder.

            “Stop making me smile, I’m still angry about this and you’re making it difficult.”

            “I’m _helping._  Either way, we all saw a brand new  _side_  to him that day, I wished I’d looked away fast enough. Not my best idea, I shall admit.”

            “You never learn.”

            “Nor you.” Loki added idly, looking up at me again with an expression I couldn’t read and before I could speak, he dropped my skirts down. “It is finished. Have some care not to do it again.”

            “I would have been able to fix it myself if someone had agreed to begin teaching me magic.”

            “This again?”

            “I was just  _hinting_  at it.”

            “Hinting at it will not work, focus on your training. Healing comes first. They say you're doing well there. You really do not want me to instruct you.”

            “I do enjoy helping the healers. Moira's taught me so much in our short time. But...why am I asking then?”

            “You are simply curious and soon that will fade,” Loki insisted.

            “Give me a chance to prove that it won’t,” I shrugged and he smirked lightly.

            “I am.” He paused and I glanced down, dropping the subject for now.

            “You didn’t need to do this, by the way,” I kept my gaze on my dress, rubbing my arms through the sleeves.

            “Yes, well, I will require you for some company tonight so I suppose I had to do it. If you are not there, I'd have to mingle with council members.” Loki stood up and offered me his hand. Pausing, I looked up at him again and took it, my fingers clasping around his for just a moment before he pulled me to my feet. Glancing down at my clothes, I smiled lightly, grateful.

            “Thank you, Loki. Sorry I…ranted at you… Just put it out of your mind.”

            “Put the  _awful things_  from your mind.” Loki was already turning, nodding for me to follow. Which I did after a beat quietly. Clasping my hands together, I watched the torches flicker as I passed them until we arrived at the double doors, two guards on either side of them. Instead, I stepped back and Loki gave me a look of question. “Come.”

            “You…want to walk in with me?” Loki was the crowned prince of Asgard. Since he wasn’t seeing anyone, it was normal for him to walk in alone or with another royal.

            “I am standing here waiting, yes?” He responded and I tilted my head in slight surprise but moved to stand next to him. Loki motioned for the guards to open the door, escorting me in. “I expect you to enjoy yourself,” he spoke quietly before we parted to our seats. I sat down between Fandral and Hogun and realized I’d made it in time for dessert as trays were put on the table. Smiling, I sat up and spoke.

            “Forgive me for being late.”

** ** **

            “Try this, oh, this too,” Volstagg pushed small pastries at me from a food stall outside. Music and laughter echoed about the grounds as the sky changed colors above. Fireworks boomed and sparked above me while I grinned, watching them.

            “Volstagg, I’m so full,” I took one anyway, laughing softly.

            “You missed dinner, I am helping.”

            “I can’t fill up on sweets,” I watched him laugh heartily at me.

            “Why, of course you can. Take it as a challenge,” he stated in a matter-a-fact tone. “So are you going on the hunt next week?”

            “Of course, wouldn’t miss it. Fandral dragged me into the group,” I chuckled when Sif appeared behind him, looking radiant in a silver dress.

            “The strength contest is starting,” she smiled as I did and I grabbed Volstagg’s arm.

            “Come on, we have to go watch Thor win,” I chuckled. “When he signed up, they should have just cancelled it.” Bright colored flags and streamers covered the festival while wind blew lightly past them. I pulled Volstagg along as Sif pulled at my hand to the arena when crowds moved around us and we met up with Fandral and Hogun to sit together. Entertainers danced with fire while everyone looked on in awe and I laughed, enjoying myself. Contests began with different performers in between for an interlude. The massive festival went on with Thor easily winning the strength competition when he tossed his metal weight over the palace itself. Court ladies draped strings of flowers all over him when he got the gold medal. Across from our seats, I spotted Odin and Frigga with Loki sitting to his mother’s side. We made eye contact and I waved slightly, earning a nod in return. Another contest started and I got up to explore, passing stalls and performers.

           “Flowers for the lady?” A tall man entertaining the children moved to settle a crown of flowers on my head and I smiled when he moved to another.

           “I trust you are having a pleasant time.” A familiar voice made me turn to see Loki standing there and I straightened up, touching my hair idly when he clasped his hands behind his back and tilted his head, eyes flickering.

           “Much more than pleasant,” I spoke, picking up a honey treat on a stick from a sweets cart, “do you like my crown?”

           “It suits you,” Loki smirked after a moment and I walked at his side.

           “I’m sure he could make you one too.” I bit into the treat and exhaled. “This is delicious, try it.”

           “I have had it before,” he chuckled.

           “You like honey, have some anyway,” I got him to take a bite and beamed happily. “There,” I tossed the stick out and we passed the crowds of loud people. “I should thank you really.”

            “Hm?”

            “Well, you kind of convinced me to stay and I got a pretty flower crown out of it.”

            “Is that really the highlight of your night?” Loki chuckled at me.

            “Maybe,” I shrugged lightly, “care to try beating that?” Tilting my head, I watched a few fireworks cross the starry sky and exhaled, contented. “I’ve never been to a festival long enough to see the night activities up close. Crowds usually frighten me anyways,” I smiled slightly, feeling his gaze on my face. “But, it’s worth it… And my dress and shoes survived, you do very good work,” I joked, glancing toward him when he stepped closer.

            “I appreciate the thought,” he brightened while my eyes trailed over his face quickly. “You should also know that you look-”

            “Found you!” Thor interjected loudly, his arms going around both our shoulders and I’d stepped back from Loki, who gave a slight look of annoyance at being cut off. “They are releasing the lanterns soon. The others are waiting for us.”

            “Really?” I smiled, excited as Thor led us off. “Wait, where are we going?”

            “She has not been to the spot, brother,” Loki added and Thor grinned.

            “You see, Loki and I, along with the others always go to the same spot at the finale of every festival. We’ve the best view high up in the palace, come now.” Chuckling, I allowed Thor to drag me off with Loki close behind. We went high into the palace to a place I’d not seen before. Wind hit me when we arrived to a balcony with virtually no railing and a line of gold columns.  _Wow_. The view of the darkened sky was already breathtaking in itself while the lights below got dim to prepare.

            “Finally,” Fandral piped up from his seat on the floor, leaning back against a pillar. Sif, Volstagg, and Hogun were to his right. “Come sit down already they’re going to start.” He waved me over as Thor moved to sit between Volstagg and Sif. I caught Sif’s wide smile at Thor and then Fandral’s shoulders dropping.

            “Brought food up if anyone’s hungry,” Volstagg commented idly, taking a large swig of mead after Thor grabbed his own mug and grinned. Loki moved toward Thor to sit but Fandral quickly scooted over and gestured for him to sit between us.

            “I am insuring now that you and your brother do not quarrel like our previous time here, my friend,” he joked lightly and Loki narrowed his gaze but moved to sit anyways. Fandral shot me a cheeky grin and raised an eyebrow and _that sneaky little…_

            “It was your fault we quarreled, you practically tried to bring a harem up here of adoring men and women of the court,” Loki retorted. "No outsiders, we agreed this group only."

            “They wished to enjoy the view,” Fandral defended.

            “ _Which one_?” Loki spoke flatly, leaning against the pillar I was on.

            “I still think that there were not that many,” Thor insisted. "It was a party."

            “You call thirty  _not that many_ , brother? I’ll be damned if I’m the one to clean up after, father did not even wish us to be up here at the time,” Loki responded.

            “I…have to agree with Loki,” Hogun chimed in.

            “Forgive me Thor, he’s correct,” Volstagg added and Loki crossed his arms.

            “You see.”

            “They’re only agreeing because they are already wed and responsible,” Fandral muttered. "Some of us still enjoy fun."

            “I think you are all fools, end of discussion,” Sif quieted them all and I snorted silently, gazing ahead of me. I curled my legs and settled my hands in my lap, idly playing with the fabric of my dress.

            “Is this the new highlight of my night?” I murmured to Loki next to me as the others began their own conversation.

            “Many have been known to have emotional reactions at the sight, especially for the first time,” he replied.

            “Well, I won’t,” I countered stubbornly and he looked entertained.

            “You think so?”

            “I know so,” I crossed my arms, scooting closer. “Have you ever had an emotional reaction to them?”

            “Certainly not.”

            “I bet you will one day,” I grinned.

            “I did not the first hundred times, I likely will not in the next,” Loki joked and I shrugged.

            “You never know,” I teased. He moved to pluck something from my hair. The quick motion made me jump and I realized it was a flower petal.

            “You’re not allowed to wilt until after the festival.” He spoke and I laughed gently as he allowed the soft petal to be carried away by the air.

            “I’ll try,” I paused, pressing my lips before a breath passed them. Loki shifted so our shoulders were touching and I swallowed the lump in my throat as those green eyes traced lines down my face. My mouth opened to speak but soft music started as the Asgardians below went near silent.

            “It’s beginning,” Volstagg quieted his friends and I snapped my gaze away from Loki, planting my hand on the ground to shift so we weren’t touching anymore. My heart thumped and I felt Loki’s gaze linger on me before he turned his head. Sparing him one last glance, my eyes slid along his profile and the familiar feeling in my stomach twisted.  _I am most definitely not thinking about this again._  Watching the view ahead of me once more, I focused on the light music. It was delicate, building slowly as it went on; sounding more like a sigh against the air around us.

            When the lanterns began to rise, I couldn’t help my immediate soft gasp. Leaning forward, I watched the gold and silver orbs float gracefully toward the sky as if they were all dancing slowly. More and more followed from different points but they all seemed to come together in perfect unison while they illuminated the atmosphere like fresh stars I could have reached out to touch. Warmth from the light splashed against my face and I clasped my hands together against my chest, lips parting in awe when the music rose and the wind caused them to swirl toward the sky. The glow of each one gave off something different.  _Beauty. Courage. Freedom. Strength. Love._   _Bliss_. I could see it, I could feel it all with every beaming flicker of light that touched me and suddenly the illuminations transcended into an imagined force that somehow tangled its way around my heart. It all came together and I could not tell where the lanterns ended and the stars began. I was compelled to make a thousand wishes. I closed my eyes and then opened them, yet somehow the sight still managed to take my breath away. Above all I could see hope, I felt it and in that moment I held it closer to my heart than ever before, willing it to stay forever.

            The first tear fell. Then the second. I stayed perfectly silent, bathed in the glow of the lanterns. The third, however, was collected by the back of Loki’s finger and I didn’t dare turn to see that damn knowing smirk on his face. Instead, I exhaled, almost amused and wiped my other cheek with the back of my hand. Sniffling, I didn’t know how long it had been. But contented, I sat back a little and continued to watch them.

            “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, “really beautiful,” and Loki turned his head to gaze at me as I felt the warmth of each globe touch my skin. Relaxing against the surface behind me, my hair fell over my shoulders; I straightened out my legs and crossed them at my ankle.

            “Yes,” came his quiet reply after a beat. “It is beautiful.” His unyielding stare was on me. Those gorgeous, insufferable green eyes tempting me to look over, which I didn’t. But, I felt Loki shift over so his shoulder pressed to mine when I placed my palm flat against the cool floor. My heart sped within my ribcage. Fingers splayed out just a bit.  _Come and get me._  His broad hand covered mine in response. I didn’t move as deft fingers traced lightly over my knuckles and my chest lifted with a swell of heat. _Gods._

           Flickering my gaze over the lanterns, my lips parted and the breath came out shaken. With still watery eyes, I turned my eyes to the prince next to me slowly and watched the lights play off his pale face. Loki was sitting with his legs bent, one propped up with his arm on his knee. I watched the fingers of his free hand close tightly then relax. He was breathing evenly while green eyes held my stare finally. For another seemingly unending beat, we just looked at each other as the music and lanterns went on and I’d forgotten that our friends were sitting not far behind Loki, enjoying the sight of the sky. As he watched the glow of the lanterns pass across my skin, something dawned across his expression. Whatever it was, it made me lower my eyes to the gold on his chest. I could feel Loki searching me, as if he was trying to figure something out but his face had given nothing away.

          With the lanterns reminding me of the truth I’d locked away, I felt at his gaze’s mercy. Always longing for the journey his bright eyes would make when they sought me out. So I tossed caution out for just a moment and looked straight into them, praying that the truth would shine through for just a moment; as a moment was all that I needed. Loki’s face was so close to mine, I could smell his scent and feel his cool breaths brush across my skin.  His eyes changed and I knew he’d seen it. That flicker of truth and vulnerability. The first ever moment I’d offered myself to another being fully. Slowly, I smiled at him and his eyebrows twitched upward with some form of realization. He exhaled sharply. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his hand shift toward me before it stopped, abrupt. Loki’s eyes widened slightly when his brow furrowed and it looked like every bit of awareness flooded his frame. Which I couldn’t tell if he was open to it or not. Or a bit of both. His head moved like he was going to shake it and I saw this perfect split second of a rare emotion cross his sculpted features.  _Fear? Something more maybe?_  But, it was already gone and by the time I’d processed this, Loki had forced his gaze away from me, leaving me to watch him as I usually did. Looking down, his hand pressed to mine before it moved and our contact broke.

          Still the ghost of a smile crossed my face again. Loki would forever be my friend and I would stay his and I could accept that. I spent so many years denying feelings and still I did not have the courage to admit them aloud to him. I feared I would regret it. But for now, as the lanterns dwindled to smaller numbers, I could live in this moment.

            “Another success, gents,” Fandral broke the silence, “and ladies.”

            “They say the mortals can often see the lanterns,” Hogun spoke, “I hear they refer to them as  _meteor showers_.”

            “Do you think they sit and marvel at them as we do?” Volstagg added and Thor shrugged nonchalantly next to him.

            “I trust Midgard has changed much over the years,” Sif stated then.

            “Sitting around with no real king upon them, I imagine they have nothing better to do,” Loki responded and I nudged his side. “Well, it is a valid point,” he shot me a look and I shook my head, smirking lightly.

            “You’ve not met a mortal,” I pointed out.

            “You have not met a frost giant, yet they will always be considered our enemies,” Loki countered.

            “Well, the Midgardians didn’t attack us in the past and, hey, perhaps there are a few frost giants who are  _kind_ , or something like it,” I replied and they all chuckled lightly. “If I meet one, I’ll let you know.”

            “Maybe one, but even they will still likely want to attack us at some point. The damn war left a bad impression,” Fandral jested with another chuckle.

            “When I am King, the Jotuns will not even toy with the notion of attacking us.” Thor swore smugly and Loki rolled his eyes, sitting back.

            “Heimdall’s observatory would sooner break from the bifrost itself and float away,” he added flatly, standing up to straighten out his clothing. “I’ve some work to do so I’m departing for the night.”

            “You’ve really not devoured every spell tome yet, brother?” Thor joked.

            “I shall certainly let you know when I do.” Loki grinned and Fandral took my wrist as he stood up after and brought me with him.

            “I’m off as well, my friends. I imagine there are many beautiful people in need of a shoulder while they stare on at the last of the lanterns. Come,” he looked to me, “I wish to know about your festival experience.”

            “Alright…” I tilted my head before I smiled at the four sitting behind him. “I’ll see you all at breakfast tomorrow. Enjoy your night.” We bid each other goodnight as Fandral and I followed after Loki on the long trek down the many staircases. “So, my sweet lady, have your expectations been met?”

            “More so,” I responded, looking from Loki’s back to him.

            “Next time, you must sign up for one of the contests,” he grinned and I laughed slightly.

            “I’ll think about it,” I watched him pause and turn to look back. “What is it?”

            “Oh, I’m afraid that I left my overcoat up there, damn, forgive me.” Fandral paused. “Loki, be a gent and walk her back down, cannot have her getting lost on your grand palace, correct?” I turned to see Loki pausing on the stairs, clasping his arms behind him.

            “We can wait for you,” I shrugged.

            “No, no need. I forgot to get the scroll for the coming hunt from Volstagg. He'll talk endlessly about it. We shall speak more tomorrow,” Fandral stepped back up the long staircase after he kissed my hand. “Till then.”

            “Good luck with your courting,” I crossed my arms.

            “The night is young,” Fandral bowed his head. “Loki.”

            “Fandral,” Loki nodded once as I moved down to the step he was on. I waved to Fandral once and caught his smirk and  _did I just fall into his trap again…? Damn it._

            “Shall we?” Loki made my eyes snap back to him.

            “Lead the way,” I gestured and he walked, more leisurely now. It was quiet for a moment as we turned a corner and began another staircase before I broke the silence. “Have you and Thor ever gotten lost in here?”

            “Yes,” he replied, “nothing compared to the times we have gotten lost in the forests but damn close to it.” Loki smirked, staring ahead. “Either way, we often got into much trouble for it.”

            “I ran away into the forest when I was little once, it got dark and my parents enlisted the help of our neighbors to find me and avoid bringing Heimdall into it. Fandral discovered me under a tree and convinced me to come back. Though, I also got into a lot of trouble.”

            “Cannot imagine why you ran away,” he paused. “Fandral has known you the longest, correct?”

            “Yes, comes from us living in the same village,” I smiled.

            “You and he have never…?” Loki paused and I faltered a little, glancing over to him as we walked slower. “I just often figured that you both… He just seems the type to put the moves of everyone.”

            “Loki… Fandral and I…we aren’t… I mean, I’ve never… I mean, yes there might have been one time when I was much younger, I thought of it, but…” Loki was staring directly at me and I got more flustered. “ _No_ ,” I shook my head quickly. “We’re definitely not…together…or close to it. He’s my friend…like…like Thor and…and you…and…”  _Gods, I’m ruining everything._ Quickly, the prince looked ahead of him, his posture stiffening. “Fandral knows me well enough to not try his charms. We’re all just  _friends_. Aren’t we?”

            “Yes, of course,” Loki spoke and I looked the tapestries on the wall as we passed them.

            “Have you ever…thought about a friend differently?” I asked slowly, crossing my arms as I straightened up when he spared me a glance. “Thought that they could be more than just a simple companion?” I licked my lips when he stared ahead once more, his clasped hands squeezed.

            “No,” came his response, “afraid I do not have the time for a relationship. Since I have no need to provide heirs, I must say I am not very worried.”

            “Loki, Prince of Asgard, sometimes heartbreaker,” I joked lightly and he smirked as we looked at each other, some of the tension leaving.

            “What about you? You’ve not seduced and married my brother for the throne yet,” Loki dropped his hands by his side and I chuckled softly.

            “I’m definitely working on it and soon you’ll have to call me your queen,” I stated sarcastically, “when I rule at his side, I want lanterns released at least once a week.”

            “What if you tire of them?”

            “I don’t think I’m the type to get seriously  _tired_  of something I truly love, it wouldn’t matter,” I smiled. “Maybe that’s part of it.”

            “Such a romantic.”

            “I am  _not_  a romantic, it’s common sense,” I pushed at his arm, “besides, have you ever seen me in a relationship?”

            “No, I cannot actually picture it.”

            “You can’t envision me with anyone?” I inquired, tilting my head.

            “No, I simply mean,” he paused and quickly added, “ _partially_  but, that is not to say you will never be with someone. I cannot picture how you would be is what I meant.”

            “ _Gee_ , thanks,” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I suppose I know what you mean, I…I can’t picture myself with another sometimes because well, I’m me. Strange.”

            “ _You’re you_?”

            “I just,” I huffed.

            “Yes?”

             “Maybe at the end of the day I believe that the only person who can deal with me is me,” I’d blurted out and paused slightly, causing him to do the same. We looked at each other before I moved first to continue walking with him following, our gazes still locked. "I have a lot to work on before I try anything like that."

            “What happened to your common sense?”

            “Hm?”

            “Though, neither of us can…truly attest because-”

            “Because we’ve never been in love?” I offered and he nodded.

            “Exactly, I’ve  _never_ …” Loki shook his head. “Anyhow, I still do not believe that dealing with another correlates to-”

            “Loving them?”

            “Yes. For example, we spoke of our…friendship. I do not feel the need to deal with you. I am here because you are my close companion as well. It feels natural. Being with you.”

            “Except, we don’t love each other…romantically,” I stated softly and Loki’s eyebrows quirked up a little before he swallowed.

            “No… No, we do not.” Quickly, we both looked at the floor and I shuffled a little down the next staircase. After a long silence, I exhaled and spoke.

            “You know, you’re-”

            “Yes?” Loki looked at me again and I faltered, putting my arms around myself before I smiled.

            “You’re a bit…perplexed,” I chuckled breathlessly, “did the lanterns finally affect you emotionally yet? It’s alright, you can tell me since we’re  _close companions_.” Loki masked his expression with a smirk.

            “Oh, you want to talk about being emotionally affected? I recall wiping your tears.” He stopped and I faced him.

            “Avoiding my questions with more questions,  _typical_ ,” I scoffed, amused. “One day I’ll get the truth from you.” Loki stepped forward with his usual smirk, lifting his hand to settle his fingers on my neck. My eyes quickly darted to his face when I felt my body go tense.

            “Do not hold your breath waiting for that moment,” he murmured and my lips parted. Loki slowly let his smirk fade as green eyes searched my brown ones. I felt the hand on my neck slowly trail into my hair, one finger curling around a lock. Loki was giving me that rare expression he’d given me during the lanterns, something new there that I just could not figure out. Though, with Loki, it was always so difficult. Realizing that I was in fact holding my breath, I quickly exhaled when he leaned closer but then almost instantly came back to himself. Loki blinked, flickering his eyes down my face once more before he released me slowly and shifted back. “Why did you stop…?” I whispered, “walking!” Came my quick addition as I shook my head. “Walking…I meant…why did we stop walking?”

            “This,” Loki licked his lips, “is your room, is it not?”

            “Oh! Yes…” I turned to my door and quickly glanced back at him. “The trip went by so fast, I didn’t realize.”

            “Yes, it did.”

            “So…I…”

            “Yes?”

            “I had a wonderful time…with  _everyone_ …tonight.” Swiftly, I grinned at him. “Really…I did. Um, good luck with your spells. One day, you’ll teach me.”

            “So certain about that,” he rolled his eyes and I nodded.

            “I am,” I smoothed out my dress and tucked some hair behind my ear before I felt the flower crown still on my head. “Here,” I plucked a flower off and tucked it into some fabric on his torso. “Aw.”

            “Silly girl,” Loki shook his head at me. “I do not believe flowers suit me.”

            “It was a gift, I’m sure you’ll just  _cherish_  it,” I chuckled lightly, earning a smirk.

            “I am not very sentimental.”

            “Sure. But hey, this color brings out those eyes of yours, so at least appreciate that much,” I touched his shoulders and quickly slid back when we locked gazes as I realized how close we were. “I’ll…see you in the morning. I have to get some things together for the hunt coming up.”

            “Of course,” he nodded and stepped back as I opened my door, “until the morning.” Loki turned around and I swallowed the lump in my throat, half-hidden behind the door.

            “Loki?” I stopped him and froze up when his eyes found mine. Parting my lips, I paused and exhaled instead, the question dying on my tongue.  _Do you ever think of me when I’m not around you?_  His eyebrows quirked up, waiting for me to speak. “Goodnight…”

            “…Goodnight.”

** ** ** **

            “What were you playing at yesterday?” I whispered to Fandral as we sat at the end of the warrior's breakfast table.

            “I haven’t a clue of what you mean, my lady,” he shrugged and picked up his fork.

            “You’re up to something.”

            “More paranoid than usual, I see.”

            “ _Pfft_ , whatever you say,” I cut up some pork and bit into my food.

            “Another!” Thor yelled down the table, smashing his mug and I groaned.

            “Are you both prepared for the hunt in two days?” Hogun came in and sat down across from us.

            “Certainly, my friend,” Fandral spoke and I nodded. “We should ensure Volstagg does not pack all treats and weapons and nothing else like last time.”

            “I resent that comment,” Volstagg appeared behind Fandral and pushed him as I chuckled lightly.

            “Well, I’m not wrong,” Fandral defended himself.

            “I’m truly sorry that you’re stuck with these two fighting,” I muttered to Hogun.

            “It does allow me to take down more enemies.”

            “Was that an attempt at humor, Hogun?” Fandral chided and I shook my head at the three men, glancing up to see Loki walking in with something behind his back.

            “Good morning, brother,” Thor grinned and Loki smiled charmingly.

            “Is it  _really_?” Loki tilted his head and abruptly dropped something heavy in front of Thor that smashed his plates and crashed through the table.

            “ _What_?!” Thor shot up as food and drink splashed onto his lap and those around him got up quickly as well. Neither the King nor the Queen had come in yet and I groaned again.  _It’s too early for this._

            “Last night, I discovered  _this_  embedded into my balcony and I was simply returning it to you.” Loki sneered, looking fatigued, and Thor picked up what we realized was the weight he’d tossed during the contest yesterday.

            “Come now, Loki, you’ve just wasted food. Did you really need to return it that way?” Thor just laughed as attendants immediately began to try cleaning him. Instead, he waved them off and sat down in another seat to devour more food.  _These two never quit._

            “You are correct, I should have tossed it into your balcony, brother,” Loki smirked and passed him swiftly to sit elsewhere, not at all bothered by the fact that he’d broken the table in the mess and Odin was going to be furious. So the minute the King waltzed in unknowingly, everyone but Thor and Loki got up from the table to leave in sync. I caught Loki’s glance as Fandral tugged me along and once we’d exited, Odin’s voice boomed and about shook the palace itself.

            “Thor! Loki! What have you both done?!”

            “Glad I missed that,” I muttered, tossing my braid behind my shoulder as Sif appeared at Fandral’s side.

            “Seems they started earlier than usual today.”

            “What fun,” I added sarcastically, “on that lovely note, I need to go to the healing room, I’ll be on the training grounds later.” Waving bye, I went down an opposite hallway to meet Frigga.

** ** **

            “I cannot believe the king still allowed the hunt after what happened. The table and floor were damaged so.” Volstagg commented idly as our horses trotted down the forest’s path.

            “I would not have minded, I find less joy in these as the years pass,” Loki spoke.

            “A chance to be free and find a little adventure, Loki, you’re truly missing the point,” Thor insisted.

            “We rarely catch anything decent and I hardly call  _this_  one day an adventure compared to our other travels that last few weeks alone,” came Loki’s response. He seemed so agitated and tired today.

            “With you two bickering, we’ll never have a chance to catch anything. I’m sure the other groups out are faring much better,” Sif cut over them both.

            “Agreed,” Hogun added.

            “How about a rousing song to lift our spirits?” Thor piped up with a wide smile and we all groaned loudly. “Fine, fine, it’s best we split here anyhow.” I patted my horse’s neck idly and Thor split us up, putting me with Fandral while he stayed with Loki and Volstagg, Sif, and Hogun went another way.

            “Last hunt I went on wasn’t too exciting,” I commented and our horses moved past the massive trees. I adjusted the quiver on my back and turned my head when a flock of birds flew from a branch nearby. My bow shook while we went on.

            “I consider it a success if my face survives,” Fandral replied and my lips quirked up.

            “I’d put my very  _life_  on the line to protect it.”

            “You are a true friend, my sweet lady,” he chuckled and something crunched ahead of us. _Finally_. “Shall we?” He asked quietly and I nodded, dismounting my horse before we both tied them to a branch. I wondered how the others were as we’d gone deep into the forest away from each other. Petting my horse’s nose, I turned to follow Fandral and pulled the bow from my back when he did the same. We walked in perfect silence for a few minutes as birds chirped within the trees.

            “Fandral,” I whispered, nodding my head to something in the distance and we moved behind a large bush.

            “It’ll do,” we’d spotted a decently sized pheasant up ahead. “Shall we give it a go?”

            “All yours,” I shrugged and watched him string his bow. Just as he pulled back, the pheasant gave a jolt when one of our horses made a loud sound behind us. It appeared to panic and flapped its wings to get further away while Fandral let out a sound of irritation.

            “Go ahead and try to get it, I’ll check the horses,” I carefully moved passed him when he nodded and made my way back to the small clearing. I could see that my horse wasn’t where I’d tied it and cursed under my breath as I got to the area and froze, my mouth dropping. My horse had apparently run off but Fandral’s lay slain with a large creature I recognized as a bilgesnipe tearing into its neck. Blood spurted and I scrambled to string an arrow before it noticed me. Rounding a tree, I waited while my pulse pounded and I realized how quiet it had gotten.  _Damn it._  I prayed Fandral would stay away as I shifted to aim at its head when the unknowing warrior’s voice called for me. Gasping, I watched the creature perk up, its huge antlers clanking against a tree. It spun around and snarled.

            “No! Over here!” I yelled and it twisted to me, fangs dripping with blood as its massive scaly body rippled, claws digging into the dirt. Fandral called my name louder with panic and I aimed as the creature dove for me, managing to hit it high in the shoulder. It roared and let out a screech that caused me to drop to one knee, covering my ears.  _Come on, focus!_ Having no time to react as it went for me again, I jumped up and grabbed the tree branch to bring myself up. Claws slashed against my thigh and I screamed out but got myself up to string another arrow when I saw Fandral appear and the bilgesnipe turned to circle him, a menacing growl exiting its mouth. I yanked out an arrow when Fandral aimed to kill it and realized my bow string was broken. Tossing it and my arrows down, I grabbed the hunting knife from my hip and readied myself when Fandral’s arrow barely missed it as it jumped.

            “Stay back!” Fandral told me but the beast was closing in and I jumped for it, landing on its back and grabbing it roughly by the antlers to stop it. The bilgesnipe roared as I tried to break its neck but only managed to stop it from attacking Fandral. It bucked me off and I hit the dirt in a daze before claws tore across my collar. Blood splashed across my tunic while I screamed and the beast shrieked again when Fandral hit it in the back. I scrambled up but fell backwards against a tree when blood poured down my chest. Fandral had fallen to his knees while the pain from the monster’s roar beat against his ears. With one hand against my collar tightly, I managed to get my knife up as my breathing turned to small gasps.

            “ _H-Here_!” I beckoned it to me, giving Fandral a chance to get up. I looked into its eyes as it targeted me and it snarled before lunging fully. I had one chance so just as the razor sharp claws hacked into my abdomen, I brought the large blade up and pierced it through the neck as Fandral’s next arrow found its skull. _Oh gods._ The beast choked and twitched before it heaved and went limp, sliding from me and taking a large amount of my blood with it. I dropped the knife and settled my hands against my stomach as if I was afraid that they were the only thing holding some of my organs in. Shock etched me. My legs managed one confused step and I looked beyond my friend, dazed. Fandral said my name once before I fell to my knees and then he shouted it, barely catching me while I crumpled back.

            “Why did you do that?! It was foolish… So foolish…” He muttered as he checked me over and all I could smell was blood.

          “I had to…protect your face…” I chuckled dryly, shaking. My fingertips went colder and Fandral cradled my face, his lips pressed together.

           “A healing stone may not be enough for this… You need the healing room. Now.” He was gathering me up in his arms and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep. “Damn it, where are the others?!” He kept talking and muttering things to keep me from the pull of sleep.

             “How bad is it?” I rasped, groaning every time we moved and Fandral instead called for help. “Ugh, gods,” I hissed, my hands still firmly pressed against myself as warm, sticky blood began smearing across Fandral’s clothing. I could feel the torn flesh under my fingers. Blood and tissue were slimy against my touch. When he didn’t answer, I said something else, “tell me…something positive then.”

            “I dare say that your face is still flawless as well,” he offered and I smirked weakly, “now you must keep your eyes open.” Distantly, I allowed my head to lull but fought the temptation of closing my eyes. “Do you hear that? It’s a horse, we’re over here! We need assistance now!”

            “What happened?!” Another tone shouted and I heard a horse coming to a stop.  _Loki?_  “Give her to me now!”

            “Bilgesnipe. Massive. Attacked us,” Fandral sputtered and I was being lifted. “How did you-?”

            “Her horse ran past us and I took off, Thor will be here soon,” Loki said quickly and I blinked, realizing he was holding my back with one arm. The other hand was on his horse’s reins while he held my body securely to him.

            “Get her out of here, make haste,” Fandral touched my head briefly.

            “ _I’m fine_ ,” I murmured, toneless, and Loki’s horse took off. The bouncing movement as it raced across the forest sent more pain up my front. Whimpering, tears leaked out the corners of my eyes and I grabbed for the fabric of Loki’s torso.

            “Cry all you please, just stay awake and focus on me,” he coaxed. “I can see the palace. Look,” the prince tried, “we’re almost home. Are you focusing?” Slowly, I blinked and nodded once as I felt his arm pull me a bit tighter. It was comforting for just a second when my head fell against his chest.

            “Why is there always  _so_  much blood?” I swallowed and began muttering things incoherently. “So much. Forgive me… It’s…everywhere.”

            “Damn it, foolish girl, you need not apologize for bleeding on me,” Loki shook me a little to keep me from slipping away. "Almost."

            “Do you think of…of me often…when I’m not…there? Thought I would ask now… _oh_ ,” I coughed harshly and the metallic taste flooded my mouth. Loki’s gaze kept flickering down to me every other second then back to the path his horse was racing to. “I…I can’t heal myself,” I whimpered again.

            “The healers will take care of you, do not attempt to overexert yourself,” he ordered and I slouched. “ _Open your eyes, damn you_!” Jolting, I tried hard to focus on Loki as he looked from me to ahead of us, pushing his horse faster.

            “Loki?”

            “What is it?”

            “You…had a…an emotional reaction to the lanterns…didn’t you?” I could feel him breathing heavily. His pulse beat almost as quickly as mine. With shaken fingers, I held onto him tightly, afraid I’d fall from the horse and away from him.

            “I suppose I bloody well did, are you satisfied?” Loki muttered and I exhaled, barely smiling. “I’ll give you your own damn lantern after all of this.”

            “All right,” my head fell back and Loki jostled me again with little result as he decided to steer his horse into the palace itself, yelling for people to move as hoofs clanked against the hard floor.

            “I need healers out here now!” Loki’s horse was restless until someone grabbed its reins and calmed it. Moira was there first and she began to help me down with Loki. 

           “I have you, my friend,” Moira assured me. Loki was forced to carry me in after as I couldn’t seem to let go of his clothing. "Put her down here, your highness,” she stated and Loki was settling me on a small bed in a secluded room. When I still did not let go of his clothing, his hand covered mine.

            “You must release me so I can assist,” he pried my bloodied fingers from his clothing.

            “ _Don’t leave me_ ,” I whimpered, hot tears blurring my already unfocused vision as I pressed my arms against myself. Loki’s hand touched my jaw, the back if his fingers caressing my cheek lightly before he quickly pulled back.

            “I will be here, let them work on you,” he tried when more healers began tugging at my clothes to work. Writhing in pain, I grabbed at the mattress under me, gasping for air.

            “Have her drink from this,” I heard in my daze and struggled as the white hot pain seared into my flesh before I screamed and fought. The healers tried to get me to drink but I kept pushing away and then Loki said my name, causing me to still.

            “Give it to me,” he ordered, taking the flask while I tossed a little, trembling so hard. I looked down and saw my stomach torn half open. There was a claw still embedded there. Loki came into sight and sat down as the healers began to work again. “Beckon my mother in here, I want to be sure she will be alright.”

            “Yes, my prince.” Moira pointed behind him and someone rushed out.

            “Loki,” my chest heaved with a small sob and he took my face in one hand.

            “Drink this, it will help you rest while they work now,” he was already lifting it to my parted lips, his other hand cradling my head to bring me up. Swallowing a decent amount, more fatigue washed over me and I inhaled sharply, eyes flickering over Loki’s. His thumb wiped across my bottom lip and his brow furrowed. I tried to focus on him but I was so very tired and I could feel sleep threatening to pull me away. Loki leaned down near my ear and I felt his face nudge into mine a little as I went completely slack and the healers worked quickly. His breath tickled against my neck before he spoke, cradling my face with one hand. “I think of you frequently…when you are not around…even when I attempt not to.”

            The smile that crossed my lips faded when sleep tugged me away fully.

** ** **

            Jolting awake when a door opened and shut, my vision focused on the ceiling above me before I’d turned my gaze to the lone prince pausing. “ _Loki_?” I croaked, my mouth dry.

            “Figures, you awaken before you are supposed to,” he commented.  Breathing evenly, I watched him, not able to get up. “I trust you remember what happened.”

            “Yes,” I whispered hoarsely, shifting.

            “Be still,” Loki ordered. “Everyone has been in to visit you once, I advise that you wait to see the others until you’re healed fully.”

            “Do…my parents know?”

            “Word is going to be sent.”

            “Can…Can you stop it?” I asked reluctantly, my voice weak. Smirking, Loki produced a letter from his pocket.

            “I already have.”

            “Thank you,” I exhaled, relieved while Loki tossed the letter into the fireplace.

            “I like to believe that I know you rather well,” he sat down next to me.

            “What…happens now?” I looked down at myself, realizing they’d changed me into a thin shirt and pants and I could feel bandages around my stomach and over my collar.

            “Certain circumstances mean that you will not be well until later tonight. They healed your leg with a stone easily. But, it was discovered that the wounds on your torso had broken claws embedded into them, which had to be pulled out. They’re going to wait a few hours to be sure that you are responding well before they finish them.” I nodded as he spoke. “Your abdomen was cleaned up and they checked to make sure everything internal was in place. All there. Mother sent me to clean up these,” he pointed to my collar, “so we can heal you fully soon. I imagine you want it as soon as possible.”

            “I’d like that,” I swallowed, “can I sit up?” Loki exhaled slowly but gingerly helped me sit back against the headboard, adjusting my pillows with ease. “Was everyone else alright?”

           “Yes,” he nodded, waving his hand as a bottle uncorked itself and poured some liquid on the rag he’d picked up.

          “You should teach me that one day,” I murmured with a light smirk.

          “Think I’ll soften because you are injured?”

          “It’s worth a try.” I spoke and he shook his head at me.

          “Your fixation will wear.”

          “Has it yet?” I watched him shoot me a flat look before he changed the subject.

           “Fandral relayed an interesting tale. What you did was completely foolish nevertheless brave. Loyalty has made you reckless.”

            “Suppose you're right. It all happened so quickly,” I hissed when he pulled the gauze from my wound, “are they terrible?”

            “After the healing stones, there will not even be a trace of them left,” he replied. “They were worried the beast had torn some of your internal processes out.” Loki dabbed the solution against my cuts and I clenched my teeth together when it burned into the tender spots. I watched his face as he worked until he looked at me.

            “Were you afraid?”

            “I was afraid that I would not have gotten to tell you how damn foolish you were.” Loki tilted his head and my face twitched with a smirk. “Thor should have paired you with me.”

            “I would…have jumped on a monstrous bilgesnipe for you too,” I breathed slowly, amused. “I didn’t think you’d even want to go with me.”

            “Why is that?” Loki was looking at my wound again as he worked.

            “You were…quieter toward me since the festival.”

            “I’ve just had nothing to say.”

            “Really?” I tilted my head.

            “Yes.  _Really_.”

            “Something on your mind now?” My breath hitched again when the sting washed over me as he dabbed the cuts with a small patch of gauze now. “Do you-”

            “Hold still, I am almost…oh…” Loki had fumbled and dropped the gauze down my shirt before we both paused.

            “I…” My face went red when he reached but snapped back quickly and I’d never really seen him like this.

            “Can you-?”

            “Yes,” I squeaked, shifting to pick it up when it fell into my lap. Loki barely spared me a glance when he took it back, his jaw tight.

            “Why…are you in here and not a healer…?”

            “Technically, I am sort of a healer.”

            “You know what I mean.”

            “I told you…Mother sent me…” The prince replied. “Would you rather I was not?”

            “No… I didn’t mean…that.” I paused. “I just wondered.”

            “She figured it was a good idea after earlier.”

            “What…happened earlier?”

            “You don’t remember calling my name while they cleaned you up?”

            “No. I, I fell asleep…” I watched Loki look up at me.

            “Yes, well, you did.”

            “I probably was…confused…disoriented maybe.”

            “Hm. That may explain the first time,” he paused, his gaze harder, “but it does not explain the many times after.”

            “I don’t know…” I stammered, my cheeks beet red.

            “You would not stop thrashing and crying until I came over and finally they had me stay there to calm you.”

            “Sorry,” I muttered and he exhaled through his nose.

            “Don't apologize,” Loki tilted his head at me and we both went quiet for a moment as I looked anywhere but at him. His knuckles brushed against my cleavage and I bit the inside of my cheek when I felt his hand tremble again. Instead, I glanced to the nightstand and gazed at the sunflowers in a vase I’d not seen before.

            “They’re beautiful…when did those get here?” I breathed softly and Loki faltered, his eyes shifting to them and then me.

            “Mother insisted that I bring them up earlier from her garden. She hoped that she…picked a flower you enjoyed.”

            “I love all flowers. But, sunflowers are one of my many favorites. Tell her thank you for me.” I watched him nod once.

            “Large and yellow, I do not know what you see in them.”

            “I admire that they follow the sun,” I spoke. “It’s a good example to follow. I’d do well to do it more. Maybe we all could.” My lips upturned at Loki when he looked at me again.

            “I’ll tell her that you appreciate them.”

** ** **

            “Last one, I promise you that this will be the last one,” Frigga soothed and I managed a nod as she took my hand to comfort me. Moira crushed the stone and pressed it into my collarbone before the burn radiated up my body.

            “Ah!” I shut my eyes tightly and it faded to a dull ache as I fell back against the pillows. Opening my eyes, I caught sight of the bright sunflowers looking back at me. Breathing evenly now, I smiled as Frigga helped me sit up. “Thank you, Moira.”

            “We’ll always be here to assist one of our own.” Moira bid Frigga farewell and left to wash up.

            “We are just relieved that you are all right,” the Queen smiled kindly and I nodded. “Take it easy on yourself for the night and rest. Tomorrow, you shall likely be yourself once more.”

            “Good,” I nodded, exhaling slowly. “May I get up and go back to my room?”

            “Of course, I will send a meal up to you in an hour. You should get your strength back.” She helped me up. “Do you need help to your room?”

            “No, thank you. For everything. If you see Loki, tell him that as well. I don’t think he’ll see me in a while.”

            “Why is that, dear?”

            “He’s been acting strangely…a bit.” I shrugged. “I figured he was upset with me.”

            “Loki is not upset with you at all. He spent an hour pulling me around my garden, asking me what flowers to bring you.” Frigga watched me tilt my head. “Poor thing, you should have seen him. I’ll admit he’s been more…”

            “Flustered?”

            “I suppose,” she grinned.

            “Forgive me, I’m confused, Loki… He told me that the flowers were from…you?”

            “No, I advised him but it was… _oh_ ,” Frigga clasped her hands together in front of her lips. “I see.”

            “I…I should go back to my room… Thank you again.” I breathed, looking over at the wall but Frigga made me pause.

            “Take these to your quarters.” Carefully, she handed me the vase and I nodded, smiling. “Eat then rest up.”

            “I will…” In a daze, I went back to my room alone.

** ** **

            “Come in,” I called, setting a towel aside after drying my hair. Turning, I paused suddenly when I saw Loki holding a tray. “What are you doing here?”

            “What does it look like?” He released the tray and allowed it to float to the table.

            “No, I mean…why are you the one bringing it up?”

            “Must you always take issue with my appearance today?”

            “Frigga sent you?”

            “Yes.”

            “But, she didn’t send the flowers, did she? Or the mysterious lantern now hanging from my balcony outside.”

            “Why does it matter?”

            “It matters to me when a friend starts acting differently around me.” I paused. “They were perfect,” I whispered with a glance toward the large, yellow flowers. “Thank you. And thank you for caring for me, whether under Frigga’s command or not. You could have told me.”

            “I am simply doing what needs to be done.”

            “Did the flowers need to be done? The lantern? Telling me that you think of me?” I tilted my head and he clasped his hands behind his back. “So much for not being sentimental.”

            “If you are done mocking, I will take my leave then.”

            “Loki,” I made him pause before he could turn. “I…I not mocking you. I want to know that you’re alright. That…we’re alright.”

            “I am fine.” Loki watched me walk toward him. “As are we.” He exhaled, dropping his hands to glance down at them. His brow furrowed and he spoke again in a different tone. “You stopped breathing.”

            “What?”

            “For eighteen long seconds, you went perfectly still next to me. Your face was in my hands and for eighteen seconds, I thought somehow that you had… It made me think about…” He set his jaw, fiddling with his hands. “Do not ever do that again.”

            “I cannot promise you that.” I let out a sad and amused breath that caught in my throat.

            “ _Never again_.” Loki turned and, in an instant, he was gone.

** ** **

            “Loki! Open up!” I knocked hard. “I know you’re in there…”  _Don’t lose your nerve._  I’d gotten up early and bathed before the sun had even risen and marched down to his room. “ _Loki_.” In a swift motion, the door opened and I came in as it shut behind me. Still lying on his stomach, Loki had his face buried into the pillow with the blankets draped over him.

            “I  _finally_  get something close…to a good night’s sleep…since the festival and here you are,” he grumbled, his black hair a mess around his face.

            “Look, I have thought long and hard about everything and I’ve…” I paused when Loki sat up, the covers falling to his waist and my eyes lingered on his bare chest. The pants hung low around his hips. “I’ve…I’ve…”

            “ _Hmm_ , what is it?” He smoothed his hair from his face.

            “I’ve decided that I’m angry,” I crossed my arms.

            “You do sound angry.” Undaunted, he got up and didn’t even look at me as he passed. “I understand.”

            “Well, I am! All this acting different and playing dumb. It’s  _maddening_. You’re driving me crazy with this all. And…And after yesterday, all you can muster up is ordering me not to stop breathing, while it is…it is somehow oddly kind,” I watched Loki pick up something from his bookcase, “you cannot just act like you care and not at the same time and if you think for second that I believe things are normal between us, you’ve not met me at all. It’s obvious and for a moment yesterday I thought you’d open up about your thoughts but you march off and leave me there and  _ugh_ , Loki, are you even listen-?”

            “Here,” he’d pushed a book into my hands and sat down on his bed.

            “What is it?”

            “Read it. Be amazed.”

            “This…This is a spellbook,” I raised an eyebrow. “Are you giving me this to shut me up? Because…Because it won’t work,” I stood my ground, pressing my lips together.

            “Nothing would. Which I find charming,” he smirked, leaning over to rub his eyes. “For your information, this was something I gave more thought to after yesterday’s events.”

            “You’d…do this for me?”

            “What are  _close friends_  for?” Loki tilted his head but quickly pointed at me when I smiled, my excitement rising. “Now, wait. Do not think that this is a definite  _yes_. Your healing training is going to come first for a few months. You are going to spend a few weeks reading over that and we are going to discuss your future in careful detail before we even come close to- _ah_!” Loki was pushed back when I’d wrapped my arms around him, every bit of worry from the last few days dissipating. It felt right again.

            “ _Thank you, thank you, thank you_ ,” I chanted, holding him close to me as he rolled us over. Loki sat up, a tired smirk on his face and I smiled, my free hand on his bare shoulder. He pressed one hand by my head and we paused when I realized he was between my legs. “Oh…I…” Quickly, we sat up and scooted away from each other. Laughing nervously, I tucked my hair behind my ear and hugged the book to myself. “Really, I’m grateful for this, Loki.” Smiling genuinely, I looked down when he met my gaze. "Still angry, but grateful.”

            “Do not die before we start lessons now.” Loki spoke and I rolled my eyes. Slowly, I moved toward him, hands clutching the book tightly. When I heard his breath hitch, I paused but still shifted to kiss his jaw, lingering.

            “I will try.” I paused when I sat back to look at his face. “I should…let you sleep now.”

            “I think that is out of the question.”

            “My fault,” I shrugged.

            “Yes,” his lip upturned at me, “it is.”

            “We friends again?”

            “For now,” Loki exhaled and I chuckled softly.

            "I know what magic means to you. I won't ever take it for granted."

            "I believe you." Loki replied softly.

            “I’ll make this up to you one day.”

            “Yes, you most certainly will.” He smiled at me once more as I scrambled up from his bed.

            “Until then,” I backed up, the book in my arms while he watched me closely. “I’ll see you later.”

            “Farewell.” Loki nodded and watched me go. “Take care of that book.”

            “I will,” I smiled as the door opened. “Promise.” When I left, I opened the front page of the book and paused immediately. Pressed inside was the flower I’d attached to him after the festival. Not able to help it, I smiled brightly and closed the book. My world shifted in a different direction that day and I didn’t care which way it went next as long as that insufferable sorcerer stayed in it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks for readers! Worse things to come for my characters, believe me. God, I love writing banter and relationship build up, it's also torture because I just want to get to the kissing. You feel me? :D Please, stay tuned.


	5. The Invention of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super Short Chapter. Was really a drabble I wrote down the line and figured I'd add it bc I really liked it a lot. Friendship Ahoy. First month of magic lessons between Loki and his Lady. She struggles and gets some advice from an unexpected source. Loki falls into a pit. Literally, he does, it's not a metaphor, Hazel Grace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny, I used to be terrified of writing Odin but he became one of my faves eventually, especially when I got to the movies. The characterization of him, like Loki, changed so much at random so I avoided canon. Which helped. Weird. His history in my story isn't like the movies, just noting.

           “Again,” Loki was calm.

           Nothing.

           “And again.”

           “I can’t.”

           “Ah, no.” He chided me, spinning my chair around. “If I hear those words again within this next hour-”

           “I’m sorry.”

           “Those as well.” Loki sighed and flocked to a seat next to me. “See and feel.” He touched the back of my neck, pressing against me and slipped a hand down my arm. “You cannot allow these nerves and the tension to hinder you. Magic is unforgiving. More so than any blade. Soon you will see.” His palm lit with green light effortlessly and I exhaled, dropping my gaze while I laid my palms flat. “You’ve read the book. You know the spell. You’ve done every meditation I’ve requested. You know this in your bones, now feel it in your heart.” Loki stood and took his hand from me before he grew softer. “Again.”

           “Right…” I kept my eyes open and cupped my hands again. The spell was harmless. Summoning light. All on my own. My arms shook and I heard Loki exhaled out his nose, which did nothing to make me feel confident so I stood to gather myself. I felt his eyes on my back so I took a few steps away.

           “You’re not focused today.”

           “I just need a moment,” I pressed my hand to my lips and faced a massive bookcase away from him. The library was empty, per Loki’s wishes, and the third floor was airy with sunlight. “I don’t know what I’m doing so wrong.”

           “It’s your first month of lessons, the struggle is part of it.” Loki eased. “I’m not frustrated. I know you can do this… Do you?” I turned on my heel, chest sinking before I silently came to the table and sat back down. Loki tried a different tactic to unfurl me. “Tell me about your day.”

           “I thought I was supposed to be focusing.” I cupped my hands, staring down at them as I tried to bring forth a flicker of damned light.

           “What did you do after breakfast?” Loki went on, not bothered and I sucked in my cheeks.

           “I received a letter from my parents.” I licked my lips, trying to isolate my words from my heart.

           “Ah. Mother or father?”

           “Father.” I felt Loki watching me intently but didn’t look up from my task.

           “Oh?” Loki was aloof. “He never writes you here, not on his own.”

           “I noticed.”

           “So have I.”

           “It doesn’t matter.” I swallowed. "I'm surprised he was sober enough to write one. They tell me he drinks and fights. Disrupts the entire neighborhood some nights. He'll get himself stabbed." _I should be so lucky_.

           “What did it say?” Loki’s utter of my name after that stilled the world around me.

           “Word for word?” I lifted my brow. “ _Dearest daughter_ …”

           “Quaint beginning.” Loki muttered as I went on, distracted.

           “…I ask about you on occasions when the sun has lifted. I wonder if it sparkles still in those dark eyes.” I recited. “They tell me you study close with Odin’s best warriors. They tell me you spend a lot of time with his sons. It pleases me…to know I’ve taught you the value of good company. It pleases me…” My hands curled up a bit. “To know my lessons were not received upon deaf ears while you soared between clouds. Your mother and I miss you around the house. The world is so quiet without you. You’ve taken on a great opportunity. Do not tarnish it. Do not disappoint us. The hard work we put into you.” My voice cracked and Loki made no comment. “Perhaps one day, you shall learn to appreciate the gifts. If you’re lucky, a man will cast his gaze and learn to love you despite your shortcomings. If you’re lucky, you shall be like me and have a man who cherishes you like I do. Loves you like I love your mother. Keep up this work you’ve begun for the Queen, curry favor with the royals. Do not disappoint us again and send word of how you are to your mother. We miss you. Father.”

           “How many times did you read that letter?” Loki asked softly and I scoffed, hands clasping fully together.

           “Seventeen. Probably more.” I pressed my lips.

           “But, it does not matter.” Loki was sympathetic to my plight in his voice.

           “Do not mock me.” My jaw grew taut, cheeks sucked in.

           “Is that what I am doing?” He soothed. “Am I not a Prince? I can say what I wish. Isn’t that right?”

           “Friendship is worth more than royal blood.” His games tired me in a way and charged me in another.

           “Are you here to learn the art of magic or to be my friend?” Loki shrugged, hands tight.

           I really considered it.

           “Both.”

           “Am I not your Prince before I am your friend?”

           “In whose eyes?” I countered and Loki smirked at that.

           “All.” His chest sank and rose sharply.

           “By your parents, the first. By mine, the first. By Asgard, the first. Because that is law and how things have to be.” I sighed. “By me, begrudgingly the first…except when we are alone. I feel the distant uttering of the second. By you, the second. Always and forever.”

           “So certain I think such things?” Loki quirked his brow in a way that used to make me melt.

           “I think we’re years passed the notion that you might be toying with me. Teaching me magic, you might as well be reading me your private diary.”

           “Hm. That may be. If I am here to teach you because I am your dear friend…then the only question left. Why exactly are you here with me?”

           “Because I did everything short of dropping to my knees and begging you to teach me.” I scoffed a bit with amusement, hands opening and curling. Nothing yet.

           “Maybe you’re seeking a way to escape so that you may continue to look at me as friend before prince.” Loki’s suggestion was fond. “Maybe you seek to escape those words your father pours into your heart to wash what is left of you away.”

           “It’s perfectly alright to outgrown your parents without their consent.” My heart picked up at the expression.

           “If only you believed yourself.”

           “He isn’t here with me.” I insisted.

           “Do not  _lie_.” Loki was harsh. At last. “Not to your prince. Not to your friend.”

           “Soon Thor will be King and you, his highest adviser. You won’t have time for me. Perhaps, you’re…wasting your time here.” My spine lifted to straighten when Loki stepped forward and slipped his fingers into my hair, shifting it to touch his lips to my ear and hold the back of my neck. There was a power in his heart that rose with his crisp voice to twist into mine.

           “I would invent the very fabric of time out of thin air if it meant that I could waste more with you.” The scent of fresh mint misted my nose and I sighed out, eyes ahead. “I do not appreciate this weak assumption. Don’t apologize.” Loki stopped the syllable before it could leave and I shut my mouth. “Just warrior up and tell your friend why you bothered begging for him to tutor you.”

           “Magic makes me feel...connected. I want to be better.” I admitted after a beat that pulsed between us.

           “Are you here right now with me to make your father proud?” Loki’s question punched me in the gut.

           “No.” I trembled, sniffing as I summoned every bit of power within me. “I’m here…for myself.”

           “I do not believe you.” Loki was gentle. “Say it again.”

           “I’m here for myself.” I swallowed, puffing slightly for air.

           “Again.” Loki requested. I closed my eyes and opened them, hissing.

           “I am here for my  _bloody_  self.” I clenched my teeth, opening my fingers up a little to release the tension.

           “Scream it for me, sweetheart.” Loki coaxed and I slammed my palms on the table when my chest twisted around before I cupped shaken hands together.

           “I am here for myself!” I yelled, crying out in heat after. “I’m here for me! I’m here for me! Not him,  _me_!” I echoed along walls and windows vibrated before I heaved and puffed again to breathe. Lavender light flickered and awoke, swirling upon my fingers and gathering like a blooming flower in my hands. The light spilled from my palms like blood and Loki cupped the back of my neck.

           “And there we have it.” He pressed one hand underneath mine to monitor the light. “Not bad at all.”

           “I did it?” I stood up, facing him with it flickering while I pressed myself to hold on. “I did it!”

           “You did.” Loki turned when he smiled. “And now for your next task.”

           “Can I appreciate this for another moment?” I insisted and Loki chuckled.

           “Very well.” He gestured and I inhaled sharply, lips up before I nodded.

           “All right, go on.”

           “You will hold that through this afternoon. Walk the grounds and keep track of how long you’re able to keep it in one sitting. It dissipates, you start another. Note what distracts you. Note how you focus. You’re getting to know yourself once more. You’re getting to know the forces around you. I expect you to challenge yourself and I had better see that when I come to you through the evening.” Dinner, which I’d skipped, had ended so warriors would be everywhere off grounds. “You cannot just walk about the palace.”

           “Right…” I furrowed my brow and Loki approached with a warm expression before he picked up a scroll and popped the top of my head with it. “Hey!” I backed up and lost the light, growling.

           “Barely a minute.” Loki noted, pointing the scroll at me. “Once more.” He set the scroll aside and a long staff materialized in his hand when I created the glow. He swiped forward and I dodged, holding it while he circled me.

           “Are you going to spend your afternoon chasing me with a stick in hand?” I mocked and he smirked.

           “I cleared my day for  _you_ ,” he pressed a hand to his chest, feigning offense.

           “Your mother will hear about this, Odinson.” I turned on my heel to go.

           “Remember what I stated. Open those pretty, dark eyes, sweetheart.” Loki offered as I went.

           “Eyes open and feet walking,” I called behind me, huffing while I peered at my hands. “ _Stay_.”

** ** **

           “I can do this,” I muttered, focused while I passed attendants along the hallways. I walked up and down steps and followed the perimeter outside the palace before coming back inside. A watch hung on a chain from my neck, per Loki’s request, while I took slow steps and held my arms out a bit with my eyes zeroed in on the light. Double doors opened to my side and I stopped cold, peering barely to see the King exiting. Guards behind him paused when he did to watch me freeze. Instantly, I took a knee while the light flickered and almost went out but I gasped and caught it. “Forgive me, your majesty. I’m not watching where I’m going, I must have taken a wrong turn. I didn’t mean to disrupt your private session.”

           “You may rise.” Odin beckoned for his guards to go and they marched off.

           “I’ll stay out of the path next time, I shouldn’t be near this wing alone.” I bowed my head a little and he came forward, observing me.

           “You’ve had a lesson with my younger son.” He noted and I nodded. “He’s already put you to work the same way Frigga and I did when he was still a child.”

           “I’m lucky he agreed to teach me,” I offered, budding with nerves to be alone with the King.

           “Yes, you have a certain spirit I admired in him once. I still remember his capacity for magic as a tiny baby, already projecting it without realizing. Made him a handful at times but, Frigga and I did also raise Thor. I’m sure you know his personality well enough after the long years as his companion. My sons always found ways to surprise.” I didn’t laugh until he beamed up me, lips turning up.

           “He’s…very confident.” I managed and Odin chuckled at that. The King took time to chat with me, awe etched my face 

           “A kinder word. You’re very careful, more so since arriving to our dorms and working under my wife. Do you enjoy healing?”

           “I do, my king. Loki says healing magic is a good breach into the world for me. Queen Frigga is unlike anyone I’ve ever known, I owe her my life.”

           “A fit sentiment for a parent and instead you offer such loyalties to your Queen.” Odin watched me lower my eyes from his and clasped his hands. “I do hope your palace and warrior responsibilities are not taking too much of a toll. I’ve known many to do both and not all succeed. But, Loki tells me you’re persistent.”

           “A kinder word, your majesty,” I tried not to be shy but Odin was amused while I held my spell closer.

           “My son enjoys your company.” Odin responded. “This study will benefit you both. I witnessed your magical capabilities briefly. They should not be lost on you.”          

           “Loki has been gracious to me,” I shielded the light as best I could while it started to fade before I sighed. The King noticed my state and paused once more, eyeing me.

           “You do not have to protect it so.” Odin offered instead and I blinked when he didn’t go but came to me. “You have to trust it to thrive on its own, open your hands to unleash it. It won’t leave you. Your eyes are too fixated on it as well, you’ll lose the horizon ahead of you.” Taking his words to heart, I relaxed and stood taller. “Magic takes a great deal of confidence.”

           “Thank you, my King.” I opened my palms further. “Like this?” Odin took my hands in his and nodded, fixing my arm position so I wasn’t holding the light out and up too far from me. Instead my hands were closer to my stomach.

           “That will be more comfortable as well, you’ll go on longer. If you forget yourself, what is to keep these forces from remembering you?” Odin’s eye was locked to mine and I pressed my lips, bowing my head again.

           “Thank you,” I offered once more, quieter. He stood, so gallant and dignified, beaming with a soft expression.

           “Frigga tells me you’ve made her quite proud this year, I do hope you feel welcome in the dorms.”

           “Oh, yes. I do, your majesty. I’m fortunate to be here.”

           “We are fortunate to have you.” Odin offered, turning to go. “You may resume your studies.” I watched his cape billow and my eyes glittered when the sunlight flooded the archway with wind picking up my belted tunic. The light in my hand glowed brighter than it ever had before it whirled and stilled. Blinking, I turned and paced forward to go down the steps. Outside, people eyed me in question but didn’t approach until I neared the training grounds to pass them.

           “Look who shows up from the depths of her important studies,” Sif chuckled, sharpening a blade. “Impressive.”

           “I like to think so.” I shrugged and a body leaned over my shoulder.

           “Here to spar?” Thor grinned and looked a great deal more devious than usual.

           “Just passing through, I had a day in the healing room before this practice I’m getting in with magic,” I turned to look up at him. “It’s getting late. How long have you been out here?”

           “Few hours.” Thor shrugged. “Knocked Fandral into the dirt.”

           “Was that before or after I bested you in the balance contest?” Fandral called.

           “You shouldn’t shout, Fandral, our friend is trying to focus,” Thor touched my shoulder. “It would be a shame if someone distracted her.”

           “Thor, don’t.” I pressed a smile when he poked me.

           “Hm.” Thor clasped his hands behind his back and towered over me. “Don’t,  _what_?”

           “I know what you’re trying to do,” I was backing up and he picked up a wooden sword, jabbing at my shoulder but I reeled backwards.

           “You’re on the training grounds,” he shrugged and swiped into the air while I jumped back, holding the light when it about leapt in my hand.

           “Don’t tease, Thor,” Sif shook her head and Thor shrugged. “He used to do this to Loki all the time.”

           “I think I appreciate it less than Loki.” I remembered.

           “It’s a test.” Thor slashed down and I dodged under his arm, shielding the magic in my palm. “Nervous?”

           “ _Pffft_.” I huffed outwardly and kicked the sword away when it jabbed at me. “I’ve had enough of you.” Thor bounded toward me this time so I jumped up onto a ledge, hopping over a swipe of the blade before it came down in front of my feet. Sliding back, I used instinct to toss the light up like a ball, jump over Thor, and catch it. “ _Ha_! I won.” Sif clapped and I bowed before Thor nudged my bottom with his foot, causing me to tip forward into the sand. The light dissipated so I kicked his leg, bracing myself up on my elbow. “ _Rude_.”

           “It was good practice for you, little apprentice,” Thor reached out and yanked me up.

           “You’ve had your fun.” I brought the glow up my fingers again, sighing as I dusted myself off with one hand.

           “You sure?” He planted his broad palm over my face and I shook it off. “What?”

           “You’re the worst,” I scrunched my face when he took my chin and gestured to Fandral.

           “Tell our dear, doe-eyed friend I’m helping,” he was nonchalant and I growled at him low in my throat.

           “Bite his hand off,” Fandral coaxed so I chomped and Thor jerked away before I could get him.

           “I missed.” I pressed my lips and stood taller. “Tease someone else, Thor, you’ll get bored with me.”

           “Not by a long shot I think but, I’ll leave you be for now,” he ruffled my hair and I swatted at him.

           “Thor, you’re hogging the fun,” Loki came down a few steps and paced over with his staff in hand.

           “If you two keep bullying our friend, I might have to step in,” Sif warned, winking at me.

           “Sif, I assure you that I’ll behave,” Thor tossed his wooden sword to another warrior and came to sit down. Loki pressed the tip of his staff to my neck, looking away from me.

           “I,  _unfortunately_ , do not know the meaning of behave.” He mused, eyebrow quirking.

           “Well, that’s been proven over the years.” Thor sat back and drank down some water. “Enjoy your…game.”

           “Brother, yet again, you portray how little you understand-” Loki spun when I took off running, jumping over the ledge and into the grass. “Get back here, I was not finished!” He was laughing.

           “Oops!” I called, passing trees and giggling to myself. Loki materialized in front of me and swiped while I went through the clone. “Nice try!” I moved under a tree branch while the sky darkened and the light in my hand grew brighter. Loki caught up to me easily and swung, whacking a tree when I jumped up into it.  Clones rounded it and I huffed. “Not funny. I’ve done well today, admit it.”

           “There will be many lessons to come,” Loki sighed, the clones dissipated. “Come on down, I’ll buy you dinner since you skipped it to work before we met up.”

           “And dessert,” I tilted my chin up.

           “And dessert,” Loki reached up for me and something hissed while the leaves shuffled behind my back. Weight dropped onto my shoulder and slid down my front, my chest quaked in shock before my face went flat. Loki had gasped out and put his hand up in a defensive motion while a massive snake rolled down and lifted, hissing to bare his teeth.

           “Very funny, Loki, I’m still holding the spell.” I cocked my head and Loki’s eyes were wide.

           “This isn’t mine.” He had the staff up and I forced a laugh.

           “Sure…I…” The snake rose and turned its head toward me, eyes glowing while the sky grew darker. My light dissipated. “…Loki?”

           “Don’t move, I’ll get it. It’s all right.”

           “Loki, you can…stop this now…” I reclined and the snake coiled back to strike before Loki jerked it from me in one swipe and whacked its head with his staff. He looked up and waved.

           “It’s safe, come down now!” He focused on me, beckoning before the snake rose in anger and charged its fangs into his leg.

           “Loki!” I dove down, stepping on the creature before it could try to wrap around Loki’s body. I yanked a knife from my boot and slashed its head, stabbing it into the ground as Loki struggled and jerked back a few feet before a pile of leaves collapsed under him. Falling into an ancient pit trap, he went silent and I screamed out in shock tossing myself to the edge. He wasn’t moving and the hole had to be over fifteen feet deep. Luckily, he missed most of the spikes. One jabbed his shoulder and another poked his thigh. “Loki!” I’d be stuck with him if I tried to get in while mud flooded the area around his body a bit. “Wake up!” I jumped to my feet and wouldn’t leave him so I called out. “Heimdall!” Loki hit his head and he wasn’t waking. “We need help!”  _Come on. Save him._  I let out a cry of anguish and desperation, tossing my hand up to throw lavender light into the sky. It exploded like a firework and I hesitated but let myself slide down the edge after to get to Loki. “I’m here, Loki…come on.”

           Loki moaned a little when I lifted him to cradle the back of his head, bleeding badly from a rock he’d hit. I held him up and leaned forward before I ripped at his pant leg to see the swelling bite. Cursing, I propped his leg up and cradled his head again, muttering a healing spell like a prayer to stop some of the blood. I pressed his hands up to his heart and ran my fingers across his hair when I heard a call.

           “Here!” I responded and I felt relief when I saw Hogun’s face above me.

           “Thor!” He turned. “Down here.”

           “A snake tried to attack us and it bit Loki, he’s hurt and he hit his head down here after a long fall. He needs the healing room now.” I called, trying to be as level as possible and channel my inner healer. “I got the bleeding to slow but I think his skull cracked, he hit hard and he’s bleeding from his ear.”

           “I’m here!” Thor charged down, hammer in hand before he kneeled. “Clear out! Get word to our parents and the healing room!” He barked orders and tried to pick Loki up.

           “Thor,” I warned, cradling Loki’s head. “Try not to jostle him.”

           “Hold him for me, I’ll fly you both to the palace.” Thor already slipped a hand around my waist while I pressed Loki to me and cupped the back of his head, still praying in healing spells. Thor lifted up with Mjolnir and curved across the palace grounds, flying into his own castle and landing so healers could help me bring Loki in.

           “I’ve summoned the Queen,” Moira helped me ease Loki into a bed and pulled his boot off while I cut the rest of his pants away.

           “Make him wake up,” Thor took my shoulder and shook me while I pushed around him to help Moira gather a healing stone from a fire.

           “Thor, stay back,” Frigga passed him and flocked to Loki’s side while Moira worked the healing stone into his leg. “A healing stone won’t do for his head wound,” she coaxed Loki onto his side to see it, holding his skull while I helped her. I watched her heal it some with her own magic and Loki opened his eyes, utterly confused before he jolted and pushed at me.

           “What happened? The snake!” He darted his eyes around, sweating and I hushed him before he vomited clear liquid onto his own pillow. I grabbed a towel to wipe his face off, helping him finish.

           “He’s disoriented, it’s normal,” Frigga assured me, smoothing Loki’s hair while she rubbed a waxy ointment into his head that smelled like lemon.

           “Loki, stay awake,” Thor was hovered over me like a mad bull.

           “Thor, either make yourself of use or stand back. You’re not helping Loki in your panic,” Frigga pointed and Thor inched away from me. “Finish undressing him so we can make him comfortable.” I cut into fabric until Loki’s chest was bare while Frigga shifted to another table to prep something else. Loki covered his own eyes to avoid the light from the room and heaved again while I slipped his bloody, vomit covered pillow away.

           “I’ve healed it well but I’m going to let it heal on its own overnight before I continue to ensure he’s clear. It’ll swell but that will go down.” Frigga washed her hands well and smoothed a liquid over Loki’s cut and growing bruise now.

           “ _Ngh_ … _mmmmfff_ ,” Loki was moaning, one of his hands curled around my wrist. “Did I save you? Did we win?”

           “Yes,” I leaned down, pressing my other hand over Loki’s while he clung to me, curling up as Frigga worked and wrapped his head. “We did.”

           “Good, you’re my only student,” Loki closed his eyes and I touched his forehead. “Can’t lose you.” I scoffed a little with force and Moira beamed at me.

           “His leg will be fine, my Queen. Should clear up tomorrow.” She offered and Frigga nodded, wrapping a bandage around Loki’s head.

           “What…is this?” Loki tugged at it but I pulled his hands away.

           “He’s going to be confused for the night. Dim the lamps.” Frigga was rubbing Loki’s back. “Thor was bitten once by a snake. He wasn’t as lucky as Loki was to have help so quickly and grew sick for the month.”

           “I barely remember that.” Thor clenched his fists and brought Loki a blanket.

           “You were still a child. Tried to wrestle with it because you thought it was Loki in an illusion.” Frigga covered Loki as he still held my wrist. “Thank you for summoning help as you did. That was a powerful use of that spell.”

           “I don’t know what came over me. it just happened.” I shrugged.

           “I believe you do.” She kissed Loki’s head. “Keep him comfortable. Loki will be perfectly fine. He’ll be in some pain tomorrow and he might still be disoriented but that will fade once I work on him again. I need to locate Odin and tell him.” She crossed to go quickly and Thor took her place.

           “I’ve this for the pain,” Eir came in and handed me a potion so I tried to coax Loki to drink it.

           “Where are my clothes?” Loki blinked down at his undergarments and curled into a ball with the blanket.

           “You don’t remember whipping it out and dancing on tables at dinner?” Thor leaned over Loki and I smacked Thor’s arm.

           “ _What_?!” Loki tried to sit up.

           “He’s kidding, Loki, lie down and drink this,” I giggled aloud and tried to quiet it.

           “What is this?” He curled a finger into his bandage again and Thor took his hand. Healers behind me snickered a bit at him and resumed their duties.

           “Leave it alone, sweetheart.” I pressed my lips and got him to drink before he groaned.

           “I hit my head,” he whined aloud like an infant, tugging at my wrist still.

           “Yes, you did. You saved me from a giant snake but ended up forgetting yourself,” I kissed his head and Thor leaned to prop his elbow up on the mattress, setting his head on his palm. “Don’t do it again.”

           “You can’t tell your prince what to do,” he hissed at me and turned over, causing me to snort and Thor covered his mouth when Loki about huddled into him and realized who it was. Green eyes shot open before Thor puckered his lips to make kissing sounds and Loki squirmed, jerking to get away from his brother.

           “Why are you in my bed?!”

           “You’re in the healing room.” Thor was laughing. “You fought a snake and fell into a pit.”

           “ _Uh_.” Loki buried his face into his clean pillow and groaned loudly, mortified.

           “I’ll fetch water.” Thor touched Loki’s shoulder and got up to go into the next room.

           “I’m a dreadful teacher.” Loki peered up and I shook my head.

           “You’re a fine teacher and it’s our first month of lessons,” I recalled his words. “Struggle is part of it.”

           “I fell into a pit.”

           “You did.” I pressed my lips. “I’m sorry.”

           “Not your fault I fell into a pit.”

           “The snake, I really thought it was you messing with me. I should have acted faster so you didn’t get hurt.”

           “Serves me right, I suppose.” Loki relaxed. “You cast the spell of light to signal the others… That’s what mother meant… Thank you.” My eyebrows lifted. “You’re going to make a fine witch.”

           “You’re not a bad instructor. Not at all.” I beamed, smoothing my hands over his.

           “I could benefit from some patience, instead of telling you to just feel. It’s difficult to portray the emotion of magic. The science comes naturally.” Loki sighed. “If I push, it is because I know you can do this. I don’t wish to frighten you off.”

           “You won’t.” I shuffled my stance. “May I sit with you tonight?” Loki quirked his lip up and nodded.

           “I would enjoy that very much.” The door opened and Thor came in with Odin behind him.

           “Thor tells me you were bested by a pit in righteous battle,” Odin was light but affectionate when he touched Loki’s head. I bowed low and he nodded for me to rise as Loki hid his face.

           “ _Thor_  had better learn to keep his mouth sealed before I do it for him.” Loki tried to sit up but Odin stopped him.

           “Now, now, your mother will have my head if you don’t rest, Loki,” Odin pressed him. “Concentrate on your health, this could have been a lot worse, my son.”

           “My star pupil saved me,” Loki peered at me and I smiled.

           “Thor mentioned this as well, you have my thanks for protecting my son. I was told you remained calm through the fear to explain what happened and signaled for help quickly. Both qualities served to save Loki before more harm could befall him.” Odin seated himself by Loki and bowed his head, surprising me.

           “Father, I believe it would be just to send formal word to her parents of her brave deed for our house.” Loki mentioned with a light smirk and Odin matched it.

           “Yes, Loki, an excellent suggestion. This woman has honored herself and I owe her a debt.” Odin looked at Thor, who grinned.

           “I’ll send the royal courier personally with a drafted letter from you.” He turned to hurry off and Loki winked at me.

           “I’m just glad Loki’s safe now,” I shrugged, shifting my hand under Loki’s on his stomach. “He means a lot to me.”

           “It pleases me to see him in your company,” Odin touched Loki’s face and kissed his temple. “Rest or your mother will make life very difficult for you.”

           “I suppose, father.” With that, Odin stood to go and Loki grinned tiredly at me.

           “You didn’t have to say that.” I spoke when the King had gone.

           “Imagine their faces.” Loki mused.

           “You know this means everyone is going to know you fell into a pit.” I smiled at him and he shrugged.

           “I’d allow my image to suffer for you. Think I won’t?”

           “Sentimental prince.” I leaned down to press my head to his chest, embracing him lightly. Loki smoothed his hand into my hair and sighed out when I came up. “Get well first and then we’ll hold another lesson.” I looked up as Thor poked his head around the corner and came in, offering a cup of water to Loki.

           “We should have kept the snake and roasted it in your honor, brother,” Thor joked as Loki took the offered mug. “A celebration of Loki’s  _rise_  from the  _depths_  of despair.”

           “I despise you so, Thor.” Loki smirked and drank.

           “He loves me,” Thor grinned with puppy eyes at me and I snickered.

           “That he does.” I got up. “I think I should change into something less muddy, let the brothers speak.” I pressed my lips. “Can I get you anything, Loki?”

           “I can think of a million things but I’d rather you hurry back to entertain me before I collapse into sleep.” Loki slipped lower in bed and I saluted with two fingers.

           “Of course, my prince, I do love to entertain. Keep you from being down in the dumps.” I rounded the bed. “Or should I say,  _pits_?”

           “I’ve never known betrayal until this day,” Loki touched his chest and I smacked my hand against Thor’s when he smiled widely at me.

           “I adore this woman. Can we keep her, Loki?” Thor scooped me into a hug and I laughed aloud when he pressed to the bed.

           “Don’t squish Loki’s good leg,” I warned, amused by my friends. I squirmed up from Thor and kissed Loki’s cheek. “Sleep of you must, I’ll be around.”

           “I can stay awake,” Loki countered, yawning for good measure and Thor rolled his eyes before bringing the blankets up to his brother’s neck.

           “Take your time, I’ll watch him.”

           “Thank you, Thor,” I touched his shoulder and turned to go. “Goodnight, Loki.”

           “I’m…proud of you,” Loki’s eyes were closed at the fond utter of my name and his voice was drowsy but, I caught it still and hid my smile as I went.  _Me too._

           My father’s letter burned above a flickering candle that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I love my characters and I would fight anyone out to hurt them but I'd be fighting myself for a long time being the Mean Ass Author who sets out to hurt them. Sigh. Thanks for reading!!!


	6. Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This prompt was the very first one I wrote. It was kind of the "center line" for this phase of prompts leading up to the movies. It's way shorter than the rest. It started this all and frankly, I'm amazed at where I am now from this first one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Either way, thank you for being here still. This one happens just a few months after they agreed to begin lessons.

        

           “…I held fast, steadying my next blow. Moving swiftly to circle them and avoid the next thrust. We locked eyes and my arm swung quicker than light. I thrust and parried! And finally, with a final swipe of my sword, their pants fell straight around their ankles!” Laughter rounded the table as Fandral ate up the attention from his story. Unable to help myself, I turned to Thor next to me just as he’d taken a large bite of meat.

            “Is Fandral talking about a recent spar or his latest in intimate  _conquests_?” I whispered and Thor near choked when laughter bubbled in his throat.

            “I’m afraid that I can never tell anymore,” Thor muttered after a long swig of mead from his goblet, causing me to giggle softly next to him.

            “Oh,  _please_ ,” Sif rolled her eyes from Fandral’s side.

            “Sif, allow me this moment,” Fandral about whined. “One day, even you will swoon at my heroics.”

            “I’d much rather be the one to knock you on your back tomorrow on the training grounds,” Sif shrugged, a smile on her face.

            “I’m flexible. Have at me, my friend,” Fandral accepted instantly with a smug grin and Volstagg turned to me from my other side.

            “My gold is on Sif.” We both laughed and I nodded when Fandral’s expression went flat. “Sif did a number on four warriors today,” Volstagg went on as the conversations around us continued. “Though, apparently, I imagine all of them combined could not have had a worse time than Loki over there. He’s been in a  _mood_  for a while now.” I shifted in my seat, unable to help my gaze flickering to the prince farther down the table. Loki’s face was stoic and unreadable. He prodded at his food with a fork, not eating much of it.

            “Come to think of it, he has not poked fun at anyone all dinner,” Thor added. “He really must not be well.” Both men shrugged and went back to their food but I couldn’t help asking.

            “Did something happen? We…haven’t spoken today.”

            “I am not aware yet, but he has been distracted by something for a while. My money's on an issue with the Elders.” Thor replied. “The last time I asked, he marched off after a few  _choice_ words so I gave him some time to think it over.”

            “Good riddance. At least it kept him quiet,” a warrior I knew who was friends with Herlof on the other side of Volstagg mumbled smartly and I craned my neck to see him, agitated.

            “Yes,” I forced a laugh and got more defensive than I usually am, “perhaps you should practice that too.” The warrior gave me an irritated look and went back to his own discussion. Herlof glared at me from his side and I turned from him instantly. Both Volstagg and Thor snickered on either side of me. “What?”

            “Always so quick to defend the young prince, are we?” Volstagg teased and I scoffed. “You’ve been growing into your own here.”

            “Well, I don’t appreciate when someone intrudes on the conversation. Loki is teaching me now, so it's really my obligation as his student.” I took a long drink of water and Thor nudged my side as I put my cup down.

          “You sure that’s all?”

          “Your brother infuriates me to no end, more so than  _you_.” Thor grinned simply, like he was proud. “He’s far too pleased with himself when he causes trouble and still somehow thinks he’s just  _so_ hilarious. It’s insufferable. One minute, he’s all talkative and the next, he’s completely ignoring you and you’ve no idea why.” I paused suddenly when both men laughed openly at me as I processed my words again. “Wait, what was the question? No, never mind, ugh, you’re being impossible today, I’m done.” Hiding my own smile, I pushed at Thor’s muscled arm and he shrugged, still chuckling as dessert was served. Minding my own business now, the hair on the back of my neck rose and I felt a chill run the length my spine, the paranoia kicked in and I furrowed my brow. I’d barely glanced up only to quickly avert my gaze when I realized it.  _Insufferable_. Loki was openly staring straight at me from down the table.  _How long has he been like that?_  I shifted in my seat after a moment, flickering my gaze up and down once more to see him still staring directly at me. Green eyes practically ripped into me and nothing I did would let the feeling up.  _Did he hear me?_

          Forcefully, I ignored him and exhaled, trying to focus on the conversations around me but I knew for a fact that he knew how distracting he was being.  _Damn him,_  I could have groaned aloud as I imagined the perfectly satisfied smirk he was probably giving me. Daring to glance once more, he wasn’t smirking; just gazing at me, figuring me out in his usual way. What had changed so in the air around us both? I still wasn’t able to fully read his expression. Unsure of what was worse, I couldn’t help gulping as the meal came to a close.

          Yet, Loki was still staring at me.

          Everyone started to get up from the table.

          And Loki was still staring at me.

          Idle conversations followed as Asgardians moved about the huge room.

          Damn it, Loki was still staring at me.

          Bidding goodbye to Thor and the others, I shuffled toward the door.

 _God_ s, Loki was still staring at me.

          I kept ignoring him, smirking a bit and holding my head up forcefully.

          But, Loki was  _still_  staring at me.

           I didn’t look back at him when I slipped out of the dining room and walked alone down the empty hallway. Torches flickered by me as I heard the double doors to the dining area open and close again quietly. Biting the inside of my cheek, I instead went down another hall, in the direction of outside. The sun set fully. I turned another corner, quickening my pace to get out of the palace. I couldn’t quite hear his swift steps but I persisted when I felt his eyes still trying to blaze through me as we both walked in shadows. Picking up my pace along the grass under the starry sky, I didn’t see anyone else around. My legs went even faster as my heart picked up and suddenly I was running. Sprinting across the quiet grounds, my lungs heaved to take in more air, the dress I’d worn to dinner billowed behind me. Passing the training fields, I raced into the area where the sparring matches and competitions were put on. Zipping past some columns, I hid behind one with my back against it firmly.  _Inhale. Exhale._  Daring once more to look back, Loki wasn’t in sight and I let out a sigh of relief. Breathing steadily, I allowed my heart to slow back down before I turned back only to yelp loudly when Loki’s face was directly in front of mine.

          “Evening.” He tilted his head as I fell backwards, barely catching myself when I hit the ground roughly. My  _oh so_   _graceful_  display caused him to beam just a little before his expression went back to its unreadable state, those damn green eyes staring holes into me. Waving his hand, a few torches lit up, the light playing off his sharp features while they flickered.

          “The first time you approach me in days since our last lesson and you chase me out of the palace?” I remarked, looking up at him from the floor and his much taller frame stood over me.

          “Chase, my little apprentice? You ran across the grounds, similar to that of a lunatic and I pursued. Clearly, it was the  _kind_  act of a concerned citizen.” Loki clasped his hands behind his back, shrugging and I suppressed the urge to kick him.

          “Talking to me  _and_  you’re concerned.  _Wow_ , quite the turn around. For I moment, I thought you were avoiding me and putting off our lessons. I’m perfectly fine, now you can leave if you don’t have anything more to say.”

          “Well, I am wondering why exactly you have opted to stay on the floor,” he went on and I huffed, standing in an instant before I brushed off my clothing hastily. Shooting him a smart look, I sidestepped and moved to go, rounding a pillar.

          “If that’s all, I’m going back in now.”

          “Tell me this, why is it you’ve led us out here?” Another Loki appeared in front of me and I gasped aloud again before my fear quickly faded to irritation. “I imagine you were not just enjoying a run under the moonlight.” I turned to see the clone behind me disappearing before I pushed against the real Loki’s chest, partially to make sure it was actually him.

          “Stop that!”

          “My, my, so jumpy tonight, are we?” He appeared completely unperturbed and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.

          “Can’t  _imagine_  why,” sarcasm laced my voice as I paused to face him fully.

          “How about you answer my question and I shall answer one of yours?  _Quid pro quo,_ so they say in texts. That is fair, yes?”

          “Hm.” I studied his face, the side of my lip quirked at his play. “Fine. I just needed to see if you were really following me, suppose I got a bit ahead of myself.”

          “And-”

          “Ah, no. My turn now. Why were you staring at me during dinner?” I watched him smirk again, shrugging before he drew closer.

          “Perhaps this is all part of my master plan to get you alone.”

          “You’re too into drama. You could have just asked me,” I raised an eyebrow and he grinned with all the grace of a rattlesnake.

          “Now, what fun would that have been,  _sweetheart_? For such a brave warrior, you were quite frantic. My question: just why was that?”

          “Ha, I was definitely  _not_  frantic! A little jilted by you suddenly pursuing me but not at all frantic… And…And don’t call me sweetheart in that little tone, you know I loathe it.” I pushed past him to leave but he spoke once more, softly.

         “If I am not mistaken, it is your turn.” Loki met my eyes when I faced him, the both of us just a few footsteps apart and I debated just leaving but couldn’t find the will to yet. He wanted something and I could tell, but couldn’t figure as to what.

          “Why would you find it necessary to get me alone?” I went on and the prince paused for a moment.

          “Allow me to answer that one when I have the proper reply,” was all he stated and I scoffed.

          “You’re cheating now,” I took another step toward him.

          “Are you honestly surprised?” His gaze narrowed and I shook my head.

          “Not really. But, the Loki I know believes he has all the answers.”

          “Oh, I do. I will in time. I rather enjoy gathering the  _facts_  first. Now, ask another question.” I didn’t ask what he meant, instead I wondered something else.

          “What happened that supposedly ruined your mood?” I tilted my head and he was quiet, his unyielding gaze finally shifted downward. Ironically, I realized I wanted him to look at me again. I stayed in place, quietly waiting for an answer. Loki was fiddling with his hands out of his usual habit before he exhaled a little, eyes flickering back to mine.

          “I sparred with another warrior a few days ago in front of father and the Elders alone.” His voice was monotone, no trace of the usual smirk on his face. “I was distracted. I lost. That is all.”

         “Distracted during practice? That’s unlike you… What-”

          “It is my turn first,” Loki leered at me a moment and took a purposeful step closer. “So according to you: I am far too pleased with myself and somehow, I think I’m  _simply_  hilarious.” My face heated and I look anywhere but at him. “Oh, did I miss something?”

          “…I also…called you infuriating,” I piped up quietly and he smirked wide before continuing.

          “Ah, yes. While you’ve such an  _increasingly_  high opinion of me…why is it you were  _oh so_  bothered by my not speaking to you?”

          “Hm, I just don’t know,” I was sarcastic again. “Maybe you should have someone you’re very close to that you’ve come to admire suddenly ignore you completely, treat you differently, and not know why. We’ve played this game before. You agree to teach me magic after all of these years and suddenly you’re putting it off again. We’ve known each other since we were children and you’re brushing me aside? I'll give you time if you need it but communicate with me. I’m sure it all would bother you as well.” Loki’s face twitched and I knew I’d hit a cord but he was quick to cover it up with a grin.

           “ _Admire_?” He slunk closer and I stepped back, realizing I was now against the wall. Loki set his hands near either side of my head and appeared pleased. “Now, is that why I make you so nervous these days?”

          “ _Oh, please_.” Swiftly, I ducked under his arm. “You’re toying with me and I’m not thinking correctly and,  _gods_ , you drive me insane, you know that?” My exasperation got the better of me and I caved in. “You put up this…this damn front and when you get anywhere close to letting it drop around me, you take three steps back. We can’t do this. It’s not healthy all the time. I’m not sure if you’re scared or if you don’t trust me fully or if I’m going crazy. Or all three.”

          “And just what are you doing right now?” He countered and I tossed my hands up in the air.

          “Either way, ugh, no, forget it! Now I just feel like a big hypocrite, you’re maddening, and I’m leaving… Goodbye, Loki.” There was a moment of silence as I reached the exit but he spoke suddenly, catching me off-guard.

          “You know, father had to leave within mere minutes into my match.” His words made me stop; furrowing my brow, I glanced back at him. “A guard entered and told him that Thor and his friends caused a physical dispute in a tavern outside the palace grounds. Without even a second glance or word, he left to go handle it, leaving my match at the mercy of the Elders and court.” I remembered this, Odin was furious that day and Loki was nowhere to be seen but I didn’t know why. “I was too busy watching him go, I barely felt the blade against my neck. I’d lost. The Elders all shook their damn heads after that and  _advised_  me to pick up a mace as apparently magic is  _inferior_. The skills often lacking in battle because they take away the  _heat and strength_  of it all…” He chuckled dryly, his eyes averting when he forced a tight smile that was all teeth. A smile that I knew well and dreaded. “Magic is such a natural part of our lives here, yet when I use it, it is never good enough and I cannot figure as to why. I hated the entire situation and felt like a damn petulant child about it before father made it clear I was acting like one when I spoke to him later, in his own usual way. Am I inferior for being a sorcerer in battle or am I simply inferior because I am Loki and not Thor?” Loki’s voice grew harsh as he seethed but he paused suddenly.

          “I tried speaking with you, why didn’t you just tell me this?”

          “ _You_ ,” he about growled, cornering me. “You approached me later with those cursed eyes and that somehow oblivious smile, trotting over like a curious little feline only to look at me with not a single trace of what they graced me with and I about wanted to shake you until you understood. Until you realized who I was. Until you realized the effect you have on others. On me. Until you realized that not one  _shred_ of your grace can fix what I am.” My eyes went a little wide at him in realization. Was he upset at me? Or was he upset because he had feelings for me? I blinked and all the time that passed through our long friendship felt so small. “I cannot allow myself to-”

          “You can’t just be upset at me because I can’t simply read your thoughts. I can see you just fine. And I’m not  _oblivious_ , perhaps you should give me more credit as your friend and stop holding me to a standard, thinking I’ll just end up hurting or disappointing you too. I’d never think of you as inferior. Maddening  _yes_ , but never inferior. Get used to that. Neither does Thor, or Odin, or Frigga. The people that matter most don’t believe that, Loki. How could you ever think that I want to  _fix_  you? I can't even fix myself, you... _ass_. You insult me. Perhaps I’m perfectly fine with the way you are now and the growth you have yet to make. Maybe you should just accept that I…" I trailed off as my widening eyes met his. “No, I’m not doing this right now,” when I moved once more, his hand latched around my wrist so gently. I caught my breath when I was pressed against his chest and our eyes met.

          “ _Please, say it_ ,” Loki beseeched, teeth baring and I searched his face for a moment as he kept his grip on me. Loki always hated it when I held things in. But, today he felt desperate.

          “You…You’re my  _f_ _riend_  and I care about you. I always will. I'm fine with saying it a hundred times.” My voice dropped to a whisper and Loki twitched again, pointing his finger at me.

          “You should not.” He released me, pacing now and I couldn’t find the will to move. “No, no, you have made me raise questions that I have never considered and I want it to stop! All of these years, I-”

          “Well, whose issue is that?” I cut over him before I calmed a little, exhaling. “Loki, I don’t know what you want from me. I’m trying to understand but… Look, what happened a few days ago… I am so sorry. But you have to know that there are plenty of people here who still appreciate you. The Elders don't know what the...what the absolute _fuck_ they're talking about half the time and Asgard sees that." He seemed amused at that. "Prince Loki Odinson would never let some old sacks dictate who or what he is. Just let people see you. Care about you. Let me in. Accept it. I don’t know why you want to push us away, because you deserve people around you who give a damn.”  _No, understand perfectly_ , I realized. _I do it too._  “But, if that’s honestly what you really want after years of friendship… After every single thing we’ve been through…I’ll go. I’ll just leave you alone.” Sniffling, I watched his brow furrow as I took a step backwards, my body losing the will to really leave. My heart screamed the truth until it radiated within my chest. Carefully, I shook my head again but his next words pulled me back in.

          “If that was what I truly coveted,” his voice was hushed, “neither of us would be here right now.” Loki was searching my face with those vibrant green eyes again, his emotions fading to something else I’d never seen him display in public; all pretenses down. He took one step toward me and paused before he closed the distance quickly, taking me around the waist and pulling me toward his body as my breath caught sharply. I froze when his arms wrapped around my back, lifting me to my toes just a bit before he let his chin rest on my shoulder. My arms hovered, not embracing him. My shock set in but Loki just stayed there and held me to him a bit tighter, his palms flat against my backside. I could feel his quick pulse and shaken breaths on my neck, smell the scent of his black hair and pale skin. My body unraveled and I was sliding my hands around his neck before Loki let out a quick breath that sounded like one of relief. Allowing himself to seek comfort in me, I gave him just as much and took what he offered in return. Loki buried his face into my neck and I could feel his eyelashes flutter against my skin when he closed his eyes. One of my hands sunk into his hair and cradled the back of his head as his fingers bunched up the fabric of my clothing within his fist tight, holding me like I was important to him. Like I kept him from fading away. We stayed there, simply breathing and holding each other and, _oh gods_ , I was sure that our pulses were beating in sync now while I nudged my head into his a little.

          Loki released me finally and our arms fell slowly to our sides when we stood there, watching the other closely with now tender expressions. My next exhale came out shaken as the emotions I’d held back for so long came fully to the surface and for once, I felt completely comfortable with it. Never having felt so connected to another, I couldn’t speak yet; watching the raw and unguarded emotions play in his eyes. He considered something. Loki’s hand came up to touch my hair gently, sliding his fingers through my dark locks to watch them fall back against my shoulder. Somehow it felt like one of the most simple and intimate things I’d ever seen him do. “Ask me that question once more,” came his request and my lips parted.

          “Why…would you find it necessary to get me alone?” I offered up softly, we both idly shifted a bit closer. His fingertips grazed my face, thumb tracing a line down my cheek as I licked my lips.

          “Allow me to show you,” he murmured and I let out an amused breath.

          “What’s this? Desire? I thought we were upset at each other. Suddenly I…I’m supposed to just fall into your arms because you desire me  _now_  when I’ve always wanted-”

          “I desire you  _often_.” His blunt honesty caused my entire world to shift like the stars had just aligned. My face was quick to heat up. Everything connected in my head and it all made sense. We’ve somehow both been so perceptive yet blind to the other and something in me swelled with amusement that never reached my lips. Loki’s broad hand was sliding past my jaw and into my hair, long fingers held the back of my head. Gradually, I was inching up onto my toes to reach him, my hands grasping at the fabric of his clothing. He didn’t move in, just observed me trying to get closer to him until our faces were barely centimeters apart. My lips parted slightly as my eyes flickered down to his mouth, the need evident. We breathed softly against each other before I spoke finally.

          “Show me,” I watched him smirked subtly at my  _firm_  request. Loki lingered close to me, teasing while he didn’t close the distance fully and my bottom lip trembled. “ _Loki_ …” I breathed his name, whispered it like a prayer and his eyes changed. I’ve wanted this for so long and I knew he could feel every bit of it. Appearing satisfied with my state, Loki’s free hand slid around my waist boldly and I gasped slightly when he tugged me against him, our lips colliding. My eyes slid closed instantly, head tilting to press firmly to him. Loki’s fingers tangled idly into my hair and he gave a soft sound against my lips that I knew I’d remember forever. My hands grasped more tightly to his clothes and our lips barely parted only to brush once more gently. Inwardly, I figured I could have floated away if he wasn’t holding onto me, keeping me rooted to the very earth under my feet. When I broke away after another long moment, he kept his hand on the back of my neck and made me stay in place as our foreheads touched. Eyes still closed, we steadied our breathing and drank each other in for a moment. My heart lifted before I felt myself smile, pulling away a bit to gaze up at him.

          “That is why.” Came his answer and I was beaming. Looking up at him now, I realized we could both simply walk out of here and never speak of this again. This would all just be a memory we shared. A perfect moment in time that came and went and perhaps I could live with that, but I also knew we deserved more. We could be each other’s person. We could give it all, knowing the other now has the power to destroy but won’t. We could devour each other’s time and love and hate and beauty and ugliness and peace and viciousness and ego until the worlds each fluttered from the very branches of Yggdrasil itself. So the moment I watched the rare show of hope flicker in Loki’s bright green eyes while he pulled away, I let go of every fear and concentrated on just  _giving_.

          “I love you,” was my confession then, fingers shaken as I held him. "I love you, Loki." A breathless chuckle left my mouth after I stated the words I’d locked away for far too many years. “I have for…for a long while. I’m not saying it just because I desire you right this moment. I’m not saying it because I only enjoy the attention you give me.  _Hel_ , I’m not even saying it to hear it back. I…I just wanted you to hear the full truth from me finally.  _I love you._  And I needed you to know before we both walked out of here… Since you’re one for gathering facts, there you go.” Loki’s smile could have blinded me as he chuckled, sweeping my hair behind my shoulder with an idle hand.

          “I will say it back either way,” he paused, making sure our gazes locked. “Know that I am in love with you. I have been for eons and I was a coward to hide it.” Taking his sculpted face in my hands, I pulled him down for another kiss that appeared to catch him off-guard before he gave a sound of amusement against my lips and took my waist. I wanted him to hold me. To gaze at me. To seek more comfort in me because I could give it. To let me know every bit of him. To kiss me. To love me in all the ways I did him. As I knew he would at last. Releasing each other, we both snickered softly at the fact that this was how the unexpected night had gone.

          “What you said earlier…  _Quid pro quo_.” I spoke again. “Leave what happened with the Elders behind you. They are small but you're not. Come back to the palace towers with me? …Maybe don’t chase me across the grounds this time.”

         “Now you are cheating. Asking so much of me,” he teased.

         “Learned from the best, I suppose,” I shrugged. “Your turn. What do you want?”

          “I…I want you.” When Loki trailed off, I tilted my head curiously while he furrowed his brow. 

          “You want me to…?” Narrowing my gaze, I waited for him to finish the thought.

          “I just want you,” he realized simply and that blunt honesty I’ve come to revere was strong enough to make me lower my head, the blush across my cheeks spreading.  _Damn him._  “Come.” The prince gestured toward the exit. “I imagine the gatekeeper has seen enough for one night. We'll tell the others later.” Realizing Heimdall could see us and would likely tell Odin about all of this if Loki didn’t, I shuffled my feet almost bashfully. The second we left here together, it would all be on us and I could put trust into that.

          “All right.” I watched him hold a hand out and wait for me to close the distance, which I did; making sure to lace my fingers into his. Noticeably pleased, Loki led me outside under the bright, painted stars over Asgard.

          “Loki?”

          “Hm?”

          “Thank you.”

          “For what?” He didn’t pause as we walked along.

          “For allowing yourself to open up fully with me, it helped me return it.” I turned to look at him and he was instead silent for a moment as we walked through the grass and wind blew. “You should do it more. Those moments have been some of my favorite memories, you know.”

          “It was not all my doing,” he offered finally, “suppose it was yours as well.” Accepting his answer, I smiled a small, genuine smile and glanced down at our locked hands; comforted by the sight. “And I shall give if you shall as well,  _sweetheart_ ,” he purred and I let out an amused breath.

          “I can do that. For you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First prompt wow. It's all Mess from here. Thanks again!


	7. For Both of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months into their budding romantic relationship, the Lady struggles with intimacy with her Prince. First time sex prompt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut from here on out!! Warning for mentions of self harm.

 

            “Sweet lady, I’ve not seen you in here in a while.” The healing room was bustling with people while I rounded the table a shirtless Fandral was sitting on in the far corner.

            “Frigga said that they were shorthanded today, so I took off from training to come help. I’m almost on lunch soon actually,” I pressed a white cloth to the claw marks on his bare shoulder. “I take it the hunt wasn’t very good, I feel bad for missing this one…but, Loki and I agreed after what happened last I went. How, again, did you get this?” I looked past him to see a few more warriors sporting similar wounds.

            “The warriors split into packs after we went deep enough into the forest. Thor antagonized a giant saber cat, that chased us, and we ended up finding a whole massive pack of them. The prince’s blood was hot, you know how he can be when he’s in his mood. Took down a few.” He hissed when I pressed too hard for a moment as I washed off the blood.

            “Sorry,” I muttered. “Was everyone else okay?”

            “Yes, until Thor and Loki got into a screaming match over the situation after that resulted in the dining table for lunch being overturned and Odin put them both in their rooms like petulant children.”

            “Doesn’t surprise me…I haven’t seen either yet,” I sighed, picking up a warm healing stone. “Chances are, they both already snuck out by now.” Fandral chuckled and I smiled.

            “You are very likely correct there.” He clenched his jaw shut when I crushed the stone into the wound, it healed slowly.

            “All right?”

            “ _Perfect_ ,” came his strained response and I smirked a little when I finished up.

            “There…” I washed my hands off in the basin next to me before I glanced over the wound once more and noticed tiny scratches on his opposite shoulder.

            “What are these from?” I wondered aloud and he twisted to look before a smile crossed his face.

            “A joyous night and a job well done,” he bragged and my cheeks went bright red when I realized they were fingernail marks.

            “Fandral!” I chided, pushing at him and he simply laughed as I rounded the table to wash the excess blood off his front.

            “You know me,” came his defense, “I cannot help the  _magnificent_  effect I have.” I rolled my eyes at him as per my usual response.

            “Yes, well, you’re all done and free to pester someone else now,” I smiled again while he pulled his ruined shirt back on and pointed to himself.

            “I do love to pester my favorite lady. For what it’s worth, how is my face?”

            “Still  _flawless_. Happy? Now shoo. Talk about your adventures with someone else,” I waved him off, chuckling a bit and he grinned.

            “Speaking of, you and Loki-”

            “No!” My blush was still noticeable and I wagged a finger at him. “I’m not discussing  _this_  with you,  _ever_.”

            “Discussing  _what exactly_?” Fandral’s lip curled up.

            “You know what.” I crossed my arms, my voice going quiet. The people behind us busily worked. Moira was taking reports a few cots over of the incident. “I’m not talking about  _that_  with you.”

            “Why not state was _that_  is?”

            “I can say  _it_ ,” I persisted instantly. “Just…not to you here in a very public place.”

            “ _Oh_ , I have seen this,” he sat back, eyes going wide before he leaned forward and whispered. “You two truly have not-” I pressed my hand over his mouth.

            “Quiet,” I ordered when Fandral pulled my hand away, grinning wider before he kissed my knuckles. “By the nine, you don’t need to-”

            “There is not any shame in it, I simply figured you wished to and did by now. We haven’t gotten to speak about such things with you working here.”

            “I do want to do it!” I blurted out before I mashed my lips shut and he looked amused.

            “Why have you not then?”

            “We’ve done a few things,” I defended quickly. “Just not  _that_.”

            “ _Things_?  _That_? You really cannot-”

            “I am  _really_ not talking about this with…” I paused, furrowing my brow. “Gods, I just realized you might be the only person I can talk about this with right now.” I groaned and Fandral sat up, eagerly.

            “My  _sweet_  lady, when I am not swinging my sword and making the fair maidens swoon, I live for this.” I huffed again, rubbing my temples at his cockiness. Fandral was too dramatic for his own good half the time. He opened his mouth to speak when I pointed a quick finger at him.

           “Ah! No, I have rules about this. If you get too personal or embarrass me by acting like an animal, I walk away. We’ll have a civil conversation about intercourse. You’re going to go get changed while I clean up and gather my things then you’re going to see me in the room with the large fire pit where we all usually meet, is that understood? You have five minutes to meet me there.”

            “You are simply  _enchanting_  when you get like this.”

            “I hate you. Five minutes,” I said again, turning and marching off to help elsewhere.

** ** **

            “So, I think I’m going to be fine now, I should-”

            “You’ve not said anything,” Fandral appeared amused and latched onto my wrist. “Have a seat, relax.” He sat back and propped his feet up as I leaned against the bench to watch the fire pit. “Why are you frightened by this all? You are the happiest I’ve seen you in a while. Moving here was such a good thing and you’re in a relationship with the person you love. Finally. Better yet, I won the bet against the others about when you and Loki would finally stop acting like fools." I shot him a look of disbelief, but his tone changed. "You’re putting…certain things behind you.”

            “I don’t know what you’re-”

            “You forget that we come from the same village and I’ve known your guardians. More than anyone. I lingered back because you asked me to and I love you. It was hard to see you in such of state of… What I mean is, if I or anyone got involved…you would have paid the price. So I helped you when I could and when you allowed it. They were not good to you,” Fandral raised an eyebrow and I glanced down as he leaned forward, his voice dropping. “And I also know that you were not always good to yourself before residing within the-”

           “Well, you wouldn’t have known about  _that_  if you hadn’t just walked in on me when…” I trailed off, crossing my arms before I exhaled. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want anyone to know or see me like that ever again.”

          “Since then, have you…?”

          “I’m trying to leave it behind me.” Was all I offered as I traced a line on my leg idly.

          “Loki doesn’t know, does he?” Fandral waited for me to nod before he went on. “You’ve explained it to me and I do not wish for you to fall into it once more.”

          “When you walked in, I was afraid you’d look at me like…like I was…” I couldn’t finish the thought and he touched my shoulder for a moment.

           “You were my lady before and you are still my lady after,” Fandral grinned and I brightened up at that. “I do not mean to offend, but are you afraid he will see the-?”

            “Scars?” I finished. “I suppose…a part of me is. Loki and I have given a lot but that part of me is still afraid to show itself, especially after I’ve instilled so much into putting it away. I’m very careful to cover myself when we’re intimate in any way. Sometimes, he puts his hands on my thighs and I just freeze up. And, I want him to touch me but I know that sends a signal and he's so careful about it. But, I think I'm confusing him.”

            “What else makes you so hesitant? I’ve seen you adapt to much quickly.”

            “That’s just it, I can but with…. _this,_ I feel myself becoming so timid because I…”

            “Yes?” Fandral tilted his head.

            “I’ve no idea what I’m doing, and he does, and if I mess this up, I just…don’t know. It’s not just that I have no experience, I don’t have that…disposition. I can’t operate the way I want sexually. But, I want to do it. I want to be intimate with him and I want try things. I'd like to connect with him that way and I know he wants it too. Loki has…experience, a decent amount of it, and I am so scared that I…won’t even be  _good._  I even picked up these damned books,” I pulled a romance novel out of my bag, “thinking they would help but they all seemed ridiculous and,  _gods,_  now I’m embarrassed with myself because I don’t know if I can do any of the stuff they do in these. Or…Or what if I ruin it or panic and he won’t even want to be intimate with me again because I cannot function or-” Fandral had to set his hand over my mouth to quiet me and I sagged a little, sitting back. “Thank you for knowing me well enough to put a stop to my rambling.”

            “What are friends for?” He smirked, plucking the novel from my hand. “I am afraid that not everything you need can be studied from books, often you must allow yourself to simply experience it and learn.” Fandral thumbed through the book and chuckled. “Not to be crude but our handsome Prince Loki seems like the type to be ready and extremely willing to…instruct. He’ll be good with and to you. We both know this. ...Cannot imagine you taking time off to read smut. He might enjoy that too.” My cheeks went pink and I pulled the book from him, setting it back away.

            “Well it’s worth a try, I’m attempting to become comfortable.” I shrugged and Fandral beamed. “Get your mind out of the gutter.” He laughed openly for a beat as I crossed my arms tightly.

          “Forgive me, I am just making a jest.” Fandral calmed and sat back. “As for your reservations, I’m sure you are…a splendid lover,” I scoffed at him, not holding back my nervous laugh.

            “ _Gee_ , thanks.”

            “You must look at this not only as an intimate act but as…as an act that is meant to simply be  _fun_. With the exception of me, none of us excel at it in the beginning. Like a skill, it takes practice. Often lots of it.” I laughed fully at my friend, relaxing finally.

            “If you  _excelled_ , tell me about your first time then,” I raised an eyebrow.

            “My first was magnificent and lasted into the night,” Fandral boasted. “However, that is, after I knocked over a candle and set a curtain on fire. But, I can assure you, after  _that_ I was magnificent and lasted into the night.” I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my giggle and he gave me a flat look. “Keep this between us and I shall keep the fact that you have been reading an array of smut as research a secret.”

            “Deal,” I laughed again softly and he beamed. “This conversation will not leave the room also.”

            “Fair enough,” Fandral offered me his signature charming grin. “In all seriousness, if intimacy is what you want, let yourself have it. Do not focus on perfection, make it  _enjoyable_ , as it should be. I know you, you simply want to feel closer to him despite any reservations or lack of charge. Everything else is just little details. You’ll know what to do.” My lips curled up and I nodded.

            “Thanks, I think I needed this to help clear my head a bit. I do feel the need to be closer to him and intimate. But, in the books and how others around me are, it’s all sexual attraction and swooning and I don’t…connect fully. I don’t know. Sex doesn’t…repulse me now, but it is a step I'd like to explore. You know, for us both. I’m still sorting through some things, I suppose.”

            “You are very welcome,” he replied, running his hand through his blond hair. “And tell me all about it once it happens.”

            “Not a chance.”

            “Worth a shot,” Fandral shrugged. “I bet you anything I will be able to tell.” I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head before I opened my mouth to speak when the door opened. Thor shuffled in quietly, balancing plates of food and a pint in his arms. Glancing up, he paused when he spotted us and Fandral laughed. “The lady was correct, you did sneak out.” Thor grinned instantly, moving to sit on the bench next to ours and put his things down before he sat back to enjoy the fire.

            “You ruin lunch and then steal food from the kitchens,” I tsked, eyeing the many plates as Thor picked up a leg of meat to bite into it.

            “Hungry,” he spoke while he ate. “I gloriously took down a pack of saber cats. Now for a victory feast.”

            “You are the reason we were chased initially and, might I add, the sound that left your mouth when they spotted us was not that of a  _glorious_  warrior,” Fandral added quickly and I snickered at Thor’s flattened expression.

            “I’ve half a mind to let the King know you’re in here  _feasting_ ,” I joked lightly.

            “You would do such a thing _._ ” He looked mock offended, “and after I brought you some too?” Thor tossed me a large, shiny apple and I smirked.

            “Suppose I can let this slide,” I bit into the sweet fruit before Fandral took my wrist and moved to bite into the apple after. “Hey! He gave it to me,” I snatched my hand back. “I don’t know why I’m friends with either of you brutes.”

            “You adore us deep down, I am sure,” Thor wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and took a drink from his mug.

            “Yeah, yeah, I shall let you believe that,” I took another bite of my apple. “Try to behave for the afternoon,” I stood up, “and I expect you and Loki to make up before today ends.”

            “You have spent far too much time with our mother,” Thor remarked and I gave his broad shoulder a swat, earning a chuckle from Fandral. “Chances are Loki is already plotting his revenge against me.”

            “I’d speak to him before he burns you alive in that case,” I took another bite of fruit and gave his back a pat. “Enjoy the victory feast until then and try not to mess with anymore large kittens.” I moved behind the bench Fandral was on and offered him the rest of my apple, which he took with a grin. Giving him an honest smile of thanks for the conversation, he took my hand and kissed it.

            “Till next time, my sweet lady.”

            “Certainly. I need to get back to the healing room soon. Moira’s instructing me on some new things. Bye, boys,” I smiled one final time and turned, picking up my bag to sling it over one shoulder before leaving the room.

** ** **

            Moving from the main healing room into a smaller room attached where the potions and tonics were brewed, I opened a few cabinets to put glass vials away, idly glancing at a tapestry. Healers were gathered around a table, making something in the corner far behind me while I put freshly made potions in their respective places. Shutting the cabinet, I moved to open the door when I heard someone gasp and before I could turn, something gave off a loud  _boom_  and I was tossed into the wall hard. Dark smoke immediately engulfed the area. Dazed, I rolled over with a grunt and rubbed eyes, coughing hard while the room filled with thick fumes.

           “Is everyone okay?!” I called, hearing shouts of panic. I couldn’t see so I felt around desperately before I raised a hand to emit light. Loki's instruction was already paying off. “Anyone who can see this, come here to safety! We need to clear the room!” The door far behind me was yanked open so people came in to assist and I bent down to help a younger girl up. “I’ve got you,” my lungs burned as I pulled her to her feet. Over the shouting, I held myself together and handed the panicked girl off to Moira as my friends frantically ushered and helped people out. The smoke lessened and I found another woman cowering under the table, covered in soot, and grabbed for her wrist. Something fell over and flames licked at a curtain as my shaken body forced itself to make sure everyone was safe. “This way! Everyone out now!” I helped her up and pushed her toward the exit as people got out, crawling over to the remains of the botched potion. Moira was calling my name behind me.

          “Is there anyone else in here?!” I heard over the commotion. I opened my mouth to answer when I caught site of a fallen cabinet with broken potion vials shattered around it, my spine went cold and I was about to scream when a curtain up in flames fell into the mess. Having no time to react, I had just barely dived behind a fallen table when an explosion shook the room and suddenly I was sprawled out on my stomach under a fallen bookcase. I could taste blood in my mouth and more dripped down from my temple.

        “Ngh…uh…” I coughed, head fuzzy and distant so tried to get up when I realized I was trapped. Disoriented, the smoke made my world seem farther away until I heard more shouting and the weight above me was pulled away. Before I could shift, a pair of large arms heaved me from the floor and the person called my name as they carried me out. Blinking, my head lulled and I saw Thor’s bright blue eyes while he sat me down on the floor against a wall to look me over.

          “Are you harmed badly? Moira said you were still in there! Can you hear me? What happened? Are you all right?” He was firing off rapid questions. I saw the Queen and more people run past behind him to handle the room and the smoke began to dissipate while Frigga waved her hand with magic. Thor took my face in his hands to shake me and I realized I’d been unresponsive.

          “I’m…” I took in a large gulp of fresh air. “I’m alright.” I coughed and Thor was pressing a canteen of water into my hands.

          “You found her, good,” Moira was pulled away by Elisif and a guard while they tried to clear the area.

          “Drink,” he spoke and I did so instantly, exhaling again after to get my lungs functioning properly once more.

          “Is everyone okay?” I rasped.

          “Yes, no one else is inside,” Thor pushed the water to me again as he looked around. “Drink.” I did so and he went on. “I finally stay out of trouble and you get yourself into it mere hours later. That healer, Moira, is stronger than she looks. Pushed me until I realized she was trying to get me to grab you as guards rushed about, pulling healers away,” he remarked and I gave him an amused look, shrugging. Frigga sped over once she was finished in the room and kneeled down.

          “Are you alright?” She wiped the blood from my face with a cleaned rag and went about healing it as I sat limply against the wall.

          “I’m fine, I’m fine. Little dazed.” I insisted. “The same can’t be said for the supplies in there. Potion just went up.”

          “We can take care of it.” Frigga shook her head, checking me over for more injuries. “You did wonderfully. My healers always know to take care of each other.” Pride swelled within my aching chest as the mother glanced at her elder son. “Where is Loki?”

          “I am not certain, I have not see him since the hunt. I heard the commotion and raced straight over,” Thor replied so I shifted to get up.

          “Do not press yourself,” Frigga warned. Thor had me by the arm to help me stand on shaken legs.

         “I’m alright…thank you both,” I wiped some soot from my cheek and glanced down at my torn clothing. “Where did Moira go? Let me stay to-”

          “Dear, I believe we have this handled,” Frigga smiled, touching my shoulder before she glanced up to Thor. “Help her to her chambers.” Thor nodded and I gasped when he wasted no time and picked me up.

          “Thor!”

          “I must do as the Queen Mother commands,” he laughed wholeheartedly, carrying me out and I crossed my arms. Frigga waved behind us before she moved to handle the room.

          “If I hadn’t just gotten tossed into a wall twice and tackled by a bookcase…I’d smack the back of your head.”

          “I march in and save you from the bookcase and this is the thanks I get,” we both chuckled.

          “I had it under control,” I offered defiantly.

          “Is that why you were trapped under the furniture?” Thor retorted and I exhaled, blowing my hair out of my face.

          “All part of the genius plan.”

          “Ah, I see. Of course.” Thor was amused while we walked toward the dormitories.

          “I think I have it from here,” I spoke when we reached my room and Thor set my legs down. “If I agree not to get trapped under anymore furniture, you have to agree to behave on hunts,” I snickered when he grinned.

          “Sounds fair. Go take care of yourself now.”

          “And talk to Loki when you see him,” I insisted and he set a hand on my shoulder.

          “I will,” he paused, shifting his feet a bit. “I never did tell you, I am glad that Loki has you.”

          “The many embraces you gave us portrayed that. I’m glad he has you as well,” I smiled genuinely and opened my room. “Thank you. And tell Frigga that if she needs any help, I’ll rush right down.”

           “By the nine, go rest yourself,” Thor ushered me in.

           “See you later,” I bid him farewell before I dragged my sore body into the bathroom to bathe.

** ** **

           Wearing just a robe, I ruffled a towel into my damp hair to dry it some before I collapsed on my bed, spent. I needed to go down to dinner soon. Turning over, I watched the clouds float across the afternoon sky, my entire form growing closer to falling asleep instead. In an instant, the door was yanked open and a familiar voice called my name as I shot up to see Loki standing there, dropping bags at his feet.

            “They told me what occurred,” he shut my door and paced over to my bed, already looking me over.

            “I’m f-”

            “Why did you not send someone for me?”

            “No one knew where you were, it all happened so fast.” I pulled his hands from me. “I’m alright. Just tired.” Glancing down, I realized I was clad in a robe and pulled it a bit tighter around myself when my face felt hot. Exhaling, Loki touched my face a moment, fingers sliding down to my chin. “Where were you?”

            “I went for a walk and picked up a few supplies in the marketplace off the grounds.” He paused. “My mother informed me that this was yours.” He moved to pick up my sack of books and I quickly got up to take it from him, realizing I had a dirty romance novel inside it.

            “Thank you,” I tucked it away by the seat in my window and turned to still see Loki observing me. “Loki, I am alright. The whole thing was more startling than anything. The potion went off and I had to remind myself I wasn’t on the battlefield. You never leave it once you go, I suppose.” Giving him a tired smile, I approached to take his hands and traced my thumbs across his cool skin before goosebumps formed on mine. “I heard what happened on the hunt today. Are you okay? Did Thor speak with you?”

            “We are speaking again, yes. Somewhat.” Loki smirked slightly.  _How do I approach anything with him, damn it._  I found myself searching his face as he went on.  _What would happen if I just kissed him now_? “I did not enjoy coming back and being blind sighted by the dilemma in the healing room.”  _Don’t be awkward_ , I told myself.  _Just go for it._  As he spoke, I let my hands trail up his arms and got closer. “Thor stated that you had gotten wounded in the process and-” Loki was cut off when I took his face to make him lean down and kiss me.  _Okay, I can do this._  Surprised, he recovered quickly and took my hips so I broke away and shifted to hold his shoulders.  _He’s into it?_  My voice was soft while I pressed myself against him.

            “Sorry about that.” 

            “About what?” He breathed distractedly, his green eyes trailed along my face. Slightly panicked, I didn’t know what to do.  _Just kiss him again!_

            “I don’t know anymore,” I pulled him down for another kiss, tugging him back with me until we had to part to tumble against the bed. It was half the size of his and in a nook-like area in the wall, but it fit us both. I braced myself on my elbows as Loki crawled to my side and shifted over me a bit. With only his torso on me, Loki moved in to capture my lips once more and I closed my eyes.  _Relax._  Slipping my hands along his shoulders, I touched the back of his neck before he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Sighing against my mouth, Loki’s tongue slid along my bottom lip and I reluctantly opened my mouth a little for him.  _Breathe_ , I told myself.  _Do something he likes._  I could hear him smirk as I clumsily and boldly traced my tongue along his.  _He hates it. Gods, why am I so bad at this?_  Fingers skimmed along my hips over my robe and I felt him move to kiss the corner of my mouth and then my jaw. One of my hands surged into his hair, grasping gently at the ebony locks.  _This could be it._  My stomach coiled within my body and my heart fluttered. He kissed my neck and I opened my eyes to look at the clouds again  _Relax, damn it!_  Loki’s hand traced over the edge of my robe before gliding under to touch my skin. I about convulsed and squeezed my eyes shut. Frozen, I let out a ragged breath but his hand moved up my outer thigh and my eyes shot open. “ _Wait_!” Instantly, Loki got up on his knees, both hands leaving me and I sat up. We stared at each other, both breathing unevenly and I touched his jaw. Lowering my gaze, I shook my head somberly.  _I’m an idiot._  “I’m sorry…”

            “No, look at me,” he touched my chin. “Never apologize.” Curling my legs up, I held the top of my robe shut and averted my eyes.

            “I just,” I sniffed quickly, “feel like something is wrong with me still because I cannot… I know you really want this and I do too but, I-”

            “There is not a thing wrong with you, I can wait until you are ready. Give me some credit,” he mused and I beamed a little. “We agreed to this and I will not force you. Ever. You’re in total control. Go at your own pace. You know that.”  _He’s going to remember you as his worst lover. Great._  Slowly, I nodded, moving to kiss him lightly as he moved some hair behind my ear.

          “I know,” I let my fingers trace down his neck before he took my hand to press an intimate kiss to my wrist. "You know that you're not supposed to be sneaking up into the warrior dormitories. The court ladies tell me the Elders have a lot to say about it."

          "Is it not more exciting that I can kiss you and upset them all at once?" Loki mused. "They've told me a number of times to not be in your chambers at night."

          "Which is why you love suggesting we sleep in my dinky room after dinner instead of your grand and better heated quarters."

           "I've you to warm me." Loki pecked my lips. "Are you still getting harassed by...?"

           "Eh, little. Court ladies also told me the Elders are slipping coins to anyone willing to breach our relationship." 

           "Yes, I feared they would."

           "Erikur, Maven, and Torvar have all offered boons to me if I leave you. Calder put an end to that. I don't know how he can be so kind and so...creepy at the same time. He always touches my hair. Always. Like he finds reasons to put his brittle fingers into it."

           "They'll back off eventually. I'll speak with father about it. They won't dare move you. Not while the Queen favors you especially." Loki sighed. "Still regret going public with me?"

          "Oh. Every single day," I grinned wide in jest. "No marrying Thor now."

          "You could have married him and let me seduce you." Loki suggested and I pushed at him, entertained.

          "Too late for that now. Damn it."

          “Come, get ready for dinner,” Loki pulled me from the bed when he got up. “I’ve something planned that may lift your spirits.”

          “…Are you still plotting something against Thor?” When he smirked, I let out an amused breath. “Loki, I thought you were both speaking now.”

          “Certainly, but that does not mean I will not  _repay_  him still.”

          “Play nice,” I poked his chest as I passed him to pick a simple maroon dress from the closet for dinner. Loki only grinned broad with the feel of a serpent about to strike.

          “ _Whenever_  have you known me to do otherwise?”

** ** **

            “ _Loki_!” Thor bounded into the dining hall and everyone at dinner glanced up, many immediately began to laugh. Vines were wrapping around the prince’s back as bright colored flowers began to sprout from him. Thor tore at the plants but more grew in their place and he let out a grunt. Sif rolled her eyes across from me and Volstagg choked on his mead laughing. “Get rid of this!” Hogun gave his usual stare and Fandral covered his mouth with his fist before he took a long drink from his goblet.

            “I did you and everyone else a favor,” Loki persisted with a smirk, “now this way, you at least smell better.” More laughter followed and Frigga stood before Odin could speak.

           “Honestly, both of you, we cannot go a week without your quarrels.”

          “Out of the dining room until you two handle this properly! Now!” Odin appeared frustrated when the court began to comment. “You will both be punished for what happened today. Out now!” Unfazed, Loki stood, his chair skidding across the floor loudly before he plucked a purple flower off his brother and offered it to me.

          “Something to remember me by.” His smug expression made me roll my eyes. "Sweetheart, we haven't gotten into enchanting but here is an example." Not able to stop my amusement, I took it and smelled the sweet fragrance. When a red flower appeared in Thor’s hair, he grabbed Loki by the arm and practically began to drag his brother out. “Admit it, you all appreciate this as much as I do!” Loki spoke and more laughter followed until Odin shot the table a look. Frigga rubbed her head as Thor left a trail of flower petals that caused more chuckles from warriors to follow before the brothers vacated the room. Biting the inside of my cheek, I smelled the flower again, running my finger along the soft petals and couldn’t help my full smile.

** ** **

          “Thor and I are banned from training of any kind for two weeks and we must instead spend time washing and prepping the many awful training rooms within the palace. I am afraid that fact also means that our lessons are on hold.” Loki spoke the next day.

          “I understand,” I chuckled at him, glancing at the sunny sky through the tree branches above us. “That enchantment was potent. Thor likely thought he was about to be plant food.” Leaning back against the bark, I picked up my novel again while Loki moved his hand into my bag to pick out a random book he could also read. Distracted, I didn’t see what it was as he wasted no time and shifted to put his head in my lap. “What are you doing?”

          “Getting comfortable until I have to spend time cleaning without magic and with Thor this evening,” he replied flatly and I snickered, settling my free hand into his hair when I kept my eyes on my book. I looked at a spell and tilted my head. 

          “Shooting sparks from one’s hands, is that similar to what Thor does with Mjolnir?”

          “In a sense,” Loki replied idly as I shifted my fingers into his dark hair, hearing him exhale.

          “Say one were to become an expert and expand upon a spell like this. Could they go from just emitting it from their hands to radiating it throughout their entire body? Imagine using that in battle, no one would dare lay a hand on you.”

          “Clever girl. Now you are thinking like a sorcerer.” I heard his smirk and smiled a little while I read the page. “For that alone, I will give you the spell tome for it.”

          “Looking forward to it. I just figured because I’ve seen the way you’ve expanded upon your illusions. Why is it you won’t teach me what you specialize in yet?”

          “Patience, you’re still new, apprentice,” he mused simply and I turned the page, changing the subject.

           “I hope you found an interesting book to read in my bag, I don’t know why I feel the need to carry so many around on leisure days.”

           “Yes,” Loki chuckled, “I had that same problem. But, this one is  _fascinating_ ; let me read you this line.” He paused and I didn’t bother looking at what he had as he began to recite the words. “ _Oh, Sven, my loins._ ” Gasping, I jolted and plucked the book from his hand before he could continue. Laughing outward, Loki sat up and pulled the book back.

            “Give me that! Pretend you never saw it!” I dove for it and half tackled Loki down in the grass so he turned us over and straddled me with ease.

            “Where was I?” Loki held the book out of reach when I squirmed and grasped for it. “ _Bera’s dark eyes glistened oh so deeply with inflamed and untold desires when his chocolate orbs looked up at her from between her-ah!_ ” Leaning up, I’d grabbed a handful of Loki’s hair and tugged hard.

            “Drop it!” I ordered and he was entertained. I kept my fingers rooted into his black locks. Ending the torment, Loki set the book down and touched my wrist to pull my hand away.

            “I implore you to,” he let out a grunt when my fingers left his hair, “explain why you have this with you?”

            “I can read what I want,” I crossed my arms, looking away from him and I knew my cheeks were bright red.

           “Do your eyes  _glisten with inflamed and untold desires_  when you-”

           “Shut up, Loki!”

           “So volatile now,” he pondered and I glared, my face turned to the side still. “Smut is supposed to have the opposite effect. I would not have imagined you with one of these silly, over the top books. Do not tell me this was for some kind of study.” My embarrassment was reaching a limit of unadulterated frustration at the whole situation as every bit of my fears from the past few weeks came reeling back and suddenly Loki’s amusement halted. “Why are you crying?”

            “I’m not,” I felt his hand on my jaw to force my gaze back up at him and my vision blurred. Blinking rapidly, Loki’s face came back into focus above me and my anger flared. “Get off!” I pushed him until he quickly shifted off me so I turned over to stuff my books away. When I slung my bag over my shoulder, Loki had to jolt back before it smacked him and I got up, marching off.

            “Wait,” realizing he’d pushed it too far, he latched onto my arm and I spun to push against him with my free hand. A few small tears trickled down my cheeks and I wiped them roughly on my sleeve before I began to shove at his chest again with no avail. Loki furrowed his brow and watched my reaction calmly, which infuriated me more.

            “Get lost!” But, Loki only blinked and began to walk when I was forced to stumble along with him. “Hey!” He was leading me back into the palace and everyone who passed us ignored the scuffle. Twisting, I managed to yank away but only tumbled to the hard floor at his feet as at least five spellbooks fell from my bag. One had opened and inside, pressed to the page was the flower he’d given me. Sniffling, I picked it up and closed it, holding it tightly to my chest. I crossed my arms and lowered my head.  _I’m awful. I can’t function._  My hair fell into my face and shut my eyes tightly when a small sob crept up my throat.  _Stop it_ , my head screamed. I felt so small, I wanted to curl up and hide myself away. Loki nudged at my shoulder and I opened my eyes, realizing he’d carefully set my books away and was holding my bag out for me. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I took it and allowed him to bring me up from the floor.

          “Come,” Loki didn’t take my arm, instead gesturing for me to follow. “It appears we have something to discuss.” He waited a moment until I made my choice and shuffled forward to follow him. Loki grew silent, clasping his hands behind his back while I watched the back of his head and followed him to his room.  _He doesn’t want to be with me._  Looking at my feet as I passed him, he shut the door behind us.  _I ruined it._  Still clutching my book like a safety blanket, I turned to see his green eyes already observing me. “Make yourself comfortable and gather your thoughts while I get you some water.” Loki moved passed me so I set my things down on the table. For a moment, I watched his back before I exhaled and knew what I wanted to do.

          “Loki, truth be told, I have no idea what I’m doing.” I began quickly and he paused, unmoving. "I want to show you physical love so you’d further understand how I felt emotionally. So, we could do something I know you enjoy. Like, maybe we could...reach another level together."

          “Tell me what else you do know.”

          “I know I love you. I know I want to give myself to you. I know that I’m scared out of my mind. I know I don’t want to mess up. I…I know I don’t want you to look at me differently. I know I…I know intimacy and love are both so easy and so difficult for me. I know how new this all is and I’m so, so afraid of making a mistake that could ruin it. And I know that a part of me is still being held back and it’s partly why giving myself to you fully is proving difficult. It isn’t you. It’s me.”

          “Do you really believe that I am not having difficulties?” Loki turned, his gaze finding mine immediately as he brought me some water.

          “You have…experience.” Shaken, I drank and set the goblet aside. “You’ve been intimate and I guess I thought-”

          “No. You see,” Loki’s tall frame was standing over me, “that was not true  _intimacy_ , that was sex. Just sex. There is often a difference. Yes, I enjoy it. But, what we have is different. It's more.”

           “I…”

           “Let me tell you what I know now.” He tilted his head. “I know I love you and I know I want you. I know you are scared and I know I cannot simply wish that away. I also know that it is not my desire to ruin this either. I know that I have never loved a woman the way I love you. I know that no woman has ever looked at me in the way you do. Heard me in the way you do. Touched me in the way you do. And loved me in the way you do. You are so special to me. I just want you to be comfortable. Happy. It's not always easy, but I'm willing to try.” Something stirred within my chest while I watched him in awe. “And there will always be a part of me that fears driving you away because of the person I truly am.” Loki passed me and I turned to watch him.

          “The person you truly are is the reason I love you,” I confessed and paused, shuffling my feet nervously, “but…I have not allowed you to see all of me.” When he cocked his head, I inhaled sharply. “I need you to understand something about my past.” I was shaking but Loki didn’t move as I unlaced my pants and stepped out of my boots, kicking them aside. Pulling my pants down, I got out of them quickly.

          “What are you-?”

          “Give me your hand,” I reached for him as Loki moved forward and did so. Our eyes locked as I pressed against him before settling his cool palm on my outer thigh. His fingertips skimmed across my skin while I moved his hand. “Can you feel them?” When his fingers traced over the calculated lines etched into my skin, he paused, eyes noticeably bigger. Furrowing his brow, Loki glanced down and moved my shirt up to see the many scars lining my thighs. Long and short. Clustered across and slanted together. His breath hitched, slowly, he edged my sleeves up to see more on my upper arms toward my elbows. It was easier to see them in this light.

          “You…” He was looking, really looking. Eyes shifted back down from one thigh to the next before he touched my forearm and slipped his fingertips up to trace the scars that I’d scattered more at random there.

          “Truth be told, I’m a disaster, or at least I was long before starting my life here in the palace.” Green eyes locked back onto mine and my heart was pounding almost painfully within my tight chest.

          “The mirror,” Loki was looking past me as he remembered. “You came to me that night.” He took a step back and breathed slowly, “how did I not see it in the days following? Or any day before that for that matter? All that time. I assumed you’d gotten them in training. In combat. But, I…” We locked eyes again and I saw something that made my head reel. Guilt.

          “No,” I shook my head, “it was my choice and…and I hid it well.”

          “You came to me and I turned aside. How many times did you come to me before that and I-”

          “You didn’t know!” I exclaimed finally. “And that’s how I wanted it. Please, let me explain, I…when I stopped I just wanted it to go away. I focused on myself. It will always be a part of me and that’s why I wanted you to know. I needed you to understand why. I needed you to see where I’ve come from.” I needed Loki to see the ugly pain that outlined my soul and I needed to trust him with it. “I healed most of the scars but some…I supposed I reopened them so many times that not even healing could make them fully disappear.” Loki was bracing himself against the table behind him as he watched me.

          “Why,” he paused, “did you do it?”

         “At the time, it was one of the few things…that made me feel real again.” I exhaled, spitefully. “It was sick. The way I succumbed. I had so many problems at home and no way out. I couldn't...feel my emotions. I cracked. Often for what felt like no reason, but when I did it, I understood perfectly and yet I did not. I was in between one world and another. I knew the pain was good. It was better and I grew accustomed to such terrible things. Put my love where it did not belong. Thought I had a home but it was so very empty. And I didn’t want to see any of it but I did and I  _hated_ it. Forcing myself to conceal it all behind steel. Trying to be good when it was  _never_  good enough.” My eyes watered but I held it together. “But, I’ve…somehow been able to accept the person I am and to be okay with it. I’m getting there. I let go. And in that, I found some honest freedom. I’ve found beings that I now happily call my family. And you. Nothing has ever felt this right. Nothing has ever made this much sense to me. Loki, I look at you now…and I have  _never_  felt more at home.” His gaze bore into me and I smiled with watery eyes. “I stopped focusing on being good and decided to just be me. In the strange way, that was good enough and I think you helped teach me that.”

         “You are far more than good enough,” Loki spoke finally, his voice hushed. “I am sorry,” his words caught me completely off-guard while he moved forward and suddenly he was holding me tight. Shocked, I allowed him to embrace me, my arms trapped between our bodies as one of his hands cupped the back of my head, pressing me to his chest. “Forgive me,” Loki whispered, shaking when he kissed and caressed my hair. “So sorry,” he was muttering things and I relaxed against him. I wanted to close my eyes and just breathe but I kept them open. “Didn’t know… I…I didn’t know.” He sounded afraid. His fingers bunched up the fabric of my shirt. I let myself unwind at his open show of affections. “Love you. I love you so much.”

          “Do not feel guilty, please.” I glanced up at him. “You told me to never apologize and I don’t want you to either for this.” Loki’s hand cupped my face, thumb brushing against my cheek as he let out a breath. “And I do love you too. I needed you to know this about me.”

          “I am grateful…that you told me.” His lips pressed against my temple before I offered him a smile. “If you ever feel that you will lose yourself to it once more, tell me. You must come directly to me and tell me instantly.” His desperate eyes searched my face and he held me tighter to him.

          “I…I will. I promise you that I will.”

** ** **

            Days later, someone knocked on my door and I opened it to see an attendant bowing. “My lady, Prince Loki has requested I bring you these.” He handed me many pieces of parchment and a book with a note attached.

            “Thank you,” I nodded and he bowed once more before leaving. I set the things on the table to read the note and recognized Loki’s neatly slanted writing.

 _“I stole away from my punishment to get these to you now. The first are the spell tomes I promised and under it is a book about defensive skills. In light of what happened in the healing room last week, I wish to teach you about simple wards when we can continue our lessons. Read over them in the meantime and tell me what you think when we speak again.  –Loki_ ”

          Smiling widely, I set Loki’s note down and looked over the parchments on the table, sitting down to get to work on them.

** ** **

            “Loki?” I’d knocked on his door hours after dinner, the sky outside darkening.

            “Yes?” He appeared in nothing but a towel, looking tired and drained as the long days of his punishment took a toll.

            “We missed you and Thor at dinner again,” I commented so he let me in.

            “Had it brought up after we’d finished for the day. You will not believe the nightmare those damn, grimy rooms have become.”

            “They’re glorified storage rooms, I can only imagine. The two weeks are almost up,” I offered, turning away quickly when he moved into his closet and shamelessly pulled his towel off to change into some night pants. Staring up at the ceiling, I clasped my hands behind my back and waited for him to emerge, topless, as he poured himself some wine.

            “Would you like something to drink?”

            “No,” I shook my head quickly, forcing my eyes to his face when he leaned against the wall to drink.

            “You received the materials I sent, yes?”

            “I did,” I smiled, “I came to thank you and also, the defensive magic stuff was a thoughtful bonus. By the way, the training grounds are no fun without you or Thor.”

            “I figured the other warriors were just a bit grateful that Thor was not there to destroy equipment,” he smirked and my eyes trailed to the relaxed hair loosely framing his face before he pushed it back. 

            “Dinners have also never been this quiet,” I chuckled lightly, moving toward him. “I just want the punishment to be over so we can hold lessons again,” I clasped my hands together, excited, and he smiled a little at my enthusiasm.

            “Seeing another warrior so enthralled about magic use is still quite new to me. Slow down just a bit,” Loki took another drink and set his goblet aside when I stood in front of him now. His tired eyes slid along my face while I spoke.

            “Not a chance, I think I’m getting better finally.”

            “You tried levitating a chair two weeks ago and instead, merely tipped it over,” he joked lightly.

            “Well, it moved still, didn’t it?” I set my hands on my hips, glancing down at his bare chest. “That counts as improvement.” I swallowed and looked back at his face, realizing he was watching me. I could smell red wine and the scented oils he’d used during his bath on him and lifted my hand to trace it along his collarbone. “Hm?” I came back to myself suddenly and pulled my hand away.

            “I did not say anything.”

            “Oh…” We stared at each other a moment longer as I drew closer. Loki leaned in, his green eyes half-lidded while he gazed at my lips when I licked them. I think he wanted me. “Well…I…” Moving up onto my toes to get closer, my thought processes went blank.  _Stop thinking and just touch him._  “I…”

            “Yes?” He breathed against me, lips parting.  _He’s offering himself to me._  I barely shrugged before I pressed my lips to his boldly, my hands hovering over his chest as he leaned against the wall behind him. Slowly, Loki’s hands touched my back to bring me closer and I let myself caress his flesh, arms sliding around his neck as he brought me up. Half-carrying me, Loki brought us over to the bed and we broke the kiss so he could sit. Straddling his lap instantly, I watched him search my face before he cradled my jaw and kissed me again.  _Do something assertive!_  Pressing him back into the mattress, I tilted my head and parted my lips, allowing him to deepen the heated kiss again. “ _Mm_ ,” he moaned lightly as I sat up a little, bracing my hands on either side of his head.  _Was that a good moan or a bad one?_  Green eyes flickered over my face after I broke the kiss and we breathed ragged for a moment. _Stop thinking so hard!_  Sitting up, I got off him and smoothed down my dress as he braced himself up on his elbows.

            “I… We…” I tried to get my thoughts together but my heart was pounding so loudly, I could barely think. “I need a moment. Stay there. Don’t move, okay?”

            “Are you-?

            “Fine…” I stammered. “Just stay there and let me…yeah.” I slipped into his bathroom and shut the door. Splashing cold water on my face, I looked at my reflection and fixed my hair.  _We could do this tonight. Was I ready? Yes. I could do this._  I stood at the mirror, my thoughts racing as my pulse calmed just a bit.  _Should I take off my dress? Would he want to? I didn’t know._   _What if he doesn't like my body?_ I ran my hands through my hair again. Biting my lip, I pulled my dress off one shoulder.  _By the nine, I was trying to be sexy. Loki likes that. Right? Does he care? No?_  Shaking my head, I fixed my dress and breathed for a moment.  _Gods, I was overthinking this now._   _Perfect._  After a few more minutes, I gathered myself and stood tall. _I was going to march right out there and sleep with that man. There._

          Slowly, I left the bathroom and realized Loki was fast asleep on top of the covers.  _Damn it. I took too long._  I burst into quiet giggles as he breathed softly, shifting over. I should have figured. Poor thing, he looked to be on the verge of it. Instead of going back to my room, I took off my shoes and removed my clothing down to my long tunic. Blowing out the lamps, the dim fire flickered as I managed to pull the blankets off the bed under him and covered the sleeping prince. Loki shifted on his side, letting out a breath and nuzzling into the pillow under his head, causing me to smile. “Maybe some other time,” I laughed silently while I got in next to him. I kissed Loki’s bare shoulder and then his temple as he hummed slightly in response before I reclined. “Sweet dreams, Loki,” I whispered and closed my eyes to await the pull of a peaceful sleep.

** ** **

            The sun had barely begun to rise when I opened my eyes and noticed Loki wasn’t in the bed anymore. “Morning,” he was sitting at the table, still in his night clothes. I sat up, bring my knees up to hold them. Smoothing back my messy locks. “It was kind of you to tuck me in last night.”

            “Couldn’t just leave you sprawled out like that,” I laughed, hiding my face in the blanket.

            “Had a rather early breakfast brought up, care to join me?” He raised his goblet to drink and I got up to see a tray of fruits as I sat down.

            “You know, I find you quite adorable when you’re tired like that,” I smirked lightly at his flat expression and I bit into a peach, savoring the sweet taste.

            “You sometimes whine in your sleep,” he popped a raspberry in his mouth after I shook my head and stole his cup to drink, pausing after a sip.

            “Why are you drinking wine this early?”

            “I have to deal with excessive cleaning, labor, and Thor again today.” He took the goblet back and drank when I laughed. We sat in a comfortable silence, eating bits of fruit as the early sun shone in the room through cracks in the half-drawn curtains. Loki soon stood to freshen up in the bathroom and I did the same after. Moving to sit back on his unmade bed, I watched him a moment before he smirked. “Something on your mind, sweetheart?”

            “Always,  _unfortunately_. I get no rest,” I exhaled, amused, and glanced outside. “It’s far too early, we’re probably the first ones up.” Leaning over, I buried my face into the covers. “Hope you don’t plan on kicking me out soon, I’ll just end up going back to bed before training later.”

            “I would rather you kept me company so I might perhaps gain some sanity back before my punishment later.” I smiled as Loki spoke, crossing my legs on the bed and fiddling with the end of the borrowed shirt.  _Should I just take off my clothes? Would he want to do this now? No, stop thinking so hard again. Damn it._

            “Alright,” I gave him an entertained look and glanced down when he gazed intently at me from his seat. He felt it too. The air shifting over. Loki finished his wine and stood to refill his glass as I watched his bare back.  _Why don’t I just ask him?!_  “You could always…close the curtains and get back into bed with me.” There was a beat before I heard his cup clank down.  _That was…easier… Imagine…talking about things honestly to get them done. Noted._  Magic swept the curtains shut and Loki was already moving the covers back to get in next to me. Scooting toward him, I settled my hands on his collar and smoothed my fingers over his skin. He let out a shuddered breath and I looked at his face in the dim light. “I want… I want to do this now. I want to be with you,” my hand trailed up his neck to caress his face, “it feels right.” Flickering my eyes down his expression, I felt one of his hands curl around my wrist. I held his jaw while the other hand settled on my waist. Moving forward, I pressed my lips to his neck and Loki exhaled, angling his head for me to continue.

            “If ever you wish to halt, you must say stop.” Loki’s pulse was quickening under my lips. I brushed my mouth down his long neck and let my tongue flick over his collar. Appearing to enjoy it, Loki sighed a little and allowed my fingers to explore his skin before one of my hands wandered between his legs to cup him. I sat back to watch his eyes slide closed and head tip back. Aroused, Loki’s hips bucked into my hand a little. I rubbed lightly and my body flushed when he moaned aloud. Pleased with myself, I resumed kissing his neck and allowed my hand to move up before it slipped under his waistband. Loki was quick to capture my lips with his, groaning against me as I stroked his shaft until he was fully hard in my hand.  _Just keep moving. I want this and so does he._  “Allow me take care of you,” he insisted, pulling my hand away. Lying back, I touched his face as he hovered over me a moment to brush his lips against mine.

            “Loki,” I breathed. He braced his hands on either side of me and I reached up to undo the button on my shirt with fumbling hands.

            “Let me,” he was swift to continue so I let my arms sit on either side of my head as he undid each button, green eyes lingering on my face. Carefully, Loki pulled open the shirt and I sat up so he could remove it fully. While he looked at my body, my flesh and curves, I was tempted to close my eyes. Until I saw the desire in his. A beautiful, crowned prince loved me. He wanted me.  _Show him._  I took one of his hands and settled it on my breast, a sigh of fervor leaving my mouth as he slipped his fingers under my torso and leaned in to kiss my chest. My heart pounded. Cool lips left a trail of soft kisses along my skin, his tongue joining in every so often to trace small circles. Cupping my breasts, his kisses became quicker and his hands squeezed before he moved to replace one with his mouth. I moaned instantly, my back wanting to curve as he sucked gently on my tender flesh and moved to give my other breast the same attention.

            “Yes,” I grasped at his shoulders before he sat up abruptly to watch me. My chest rose and fell heavily as I grabbed at the pillow under my head, twisting the fabric between my fingers. I was so damn nervous. _Keep showing him._  My hips shifted a bit and Loki smirked at my state. Locking my eyes onto his, I instead lifted my hips a bit and offered myself to him. “Please.” Came my voice and he obliged instantly, hooking his fingers under the fabric to bring it down over my legs. Loki moved between my legs and grabbed the back of my knees before he jerked me toward him, causing me to gasp, laughing softly.

            “You’re trembling,” he observed, leaning down to kiss me deeply for a long moment when my fingers touched his shaken hands.  _Was he truly nervous as well?_

            “So are you,” I whispered against his lips. Loki laced our fingers and held my hands above my head.

            "Before, we..." Loki heaved and stayed level. "Are you-?"

             "I started that potion a few weeks ago. I'm protected." Pleased, he continued, exploring my neck again and I moaned when his teeth nipped at my skin. In pure bliss, I closed my eyes and felt heat filled every bit of my body as he breathed softly against my skin. Loki slid his broad hands down my arms, over my breasts, and down my stomach until he sat up to grasp my hips in the dark room. My heart practically dived when he leaned over to trail his lips over the lines etched into my outer thigh for just a moment before he sat up again. Wanting him nude, I let one hand move downward to tug at his pants until he smirked and let go of me to remove them. I wanted him to feel so good. Loki leaned over and I grabbed for the sheet above my head as my other hand found his cock, stroking him again and Loki moaned in pleasure.

            “Today,” he gasped, “is for you.” Loki grabbed my wrist to stop me and pressed my other hand back above my head before he settled his palms on my parted knees.

            “It is for both of us,” I murmured, squirming about.

            “Let me make you feel good now,” his hands kneaded at my thighs and one slipped between my legs. For a moment, I thought I’d seen the beauty of all the nine realms at once. Gently, his thumb brushed my clit and I sighed with pleasure instantly as he continued, rubbing tender circles and my arousal bloomed. Touching myself was grand in itself but Loki knew what he was doing. I pressed the back my hand to my mouth but Loki pulled it away with his free one.

            “ _Ah…_ ” Something in my stomach sparked as his thumb continued to torment my sensitive flesh while his other hand cupped my face to get me to gaze at him.

            “Do not quiet yourself,” he purred. “I want every breath or sigh.” One finger slipped inside my wet entrance and I arched from the bed. “Every utter of a curse. Every plea.” Loki was moving his finger in concert while stroking my clit and my thighs quivered. “Every syllable. Mine.” He didn’t care about how my body looked and for once I didn’t fret over it. Loki desired me. Utterly. Totally. Another finger slipped inside and I opened my legs wider to him, rolling my hips. Pleasure was overcoming and I ached for more, lips mouthing the plea. He paused and I glanced up to see him leaning down between my legs.  _Gods._  Still pumping his fingers, I felt his tongue slip against my folds and cried out fully.

            “Yes!” My chest heaved and my stomach dipped as he closed his mouth around me and flattened his tongue to lap at the sweet bundle of nerves between my wet lips. His fingers curled inside me and the combined sensations could have made me burst and I bucked, uncontrolled. “Loki!” I gasped when he suckled gently and my eyes rolled back. His moan vibrated against my skin and I was slowly coming undone under his whim. Swollen with need, I felt his tongue trace teasing circles into me but he paused, moving to dig his teeth into my inner thigh before he sat up. _Just ask!_  Brushing my raw clit once more with his thumb, he pulled his hand from me and grasped my legs to spread them farther. “Take me,” I gulped for air, knowing he loved me begging for him. “Want you…inside me…” Leaning over, he moved my hair behind my ear to kiss me tenderly, soothing my shaken body. Reaching down to pump himself a few times until his shaft was slick, Loki settled his cock against my slit and gasped softly when I bucked against him.

            “Patience, sweetheart,” he mumbled against my lips. We kissed for a long moment, and my nerves faded when I traced my hands up his arms and held to him. Rocking his hips gently, his girth was sliding along my opening and I sighed as he coated himself my arousal.

            “ _Please_?” I begged again, my voice softer now when our eyes locked. Loki’s arms slid around me and he lifted me a little to position his tip. I nodded, caressing his face for a moment before holding to his shoulders and he nudged inside me. My body tensed. He slid in as slowly as he could and I could tell he was resisting the urge to slam his hips into mine when he trembled above me. I kissed his collar idly to set him at ease and nodded once more before he pushed inside fully and I gasped out. When he stretched me, I clenched my teeth together and closed my eyes. Tears sprang into them when my body suddenly seized with nerves.

            “Relax yourself, I’m here,” Loki nudged the side of his head into mine as he held me and stayed very still. I took a deep breath and tried to as I adjusted. “In a minute,” he promised, “I swear I will make you feel good in a minute. Take your time. I'm here with you.” I shifted and whimpered, trying to get my tense body to calm as my heart raced.  _Breathe_. “I’ll not release you until you are ready.” He held me tighter, kissing my forehead, and I leaned back so he could kiss my lips. As I lie under him, the discomfort dulled and I spoke softly.

            “I’m yours…” I beamed up at him and he smiled lightly down at me. Something connected and I uttered another plea. “Move…I want you to.” Loki pulled out and pressed back into me and I arched a bit. “ _Oh_ …”

            “Alright?” He was gradually pumping his hips while I adjusted, squirming slightly.

            “Yes,” my brow furrowed and he stilled above me, not convinced.

            “We can stop if you-”

            “No,” I shook my head, touching his face before I trailed my fingers into his hair. “Keep going…I want this.” For a moment, he searched my eyes and found no trace of doubt. We smiled, carefree and enjoyed these seconds of pure affection. Carefully, he began to move again, hips working small circles. “ _Yes_ …” I arched fully, my breasts rubbing against his chest and Loki’s lips parted with a gasp. I loved watching the raw pleasure overtake his features.

            “Move with me now,” he was guiding my legs and I wrapped them around his hips as he found a pace. Our bodies rocked against each other and I thrust my hips against his to try to meet him.

            “Like this?”

            “ _Perfect_ ,” he moaned, pumping into me faster. His body moved of its own accord. Heavy breaths filled the room and I tugged him down for another hard kiss. My heart could have sang, everything felt so right and  _gods_  he felt so good as he thrust harder, angling to drive deeper into me. I held him tighter and Loki settles his body against mine, panting softly in my ear and I never wanted to be anywhere but in his arms as he held me back. He moaned my name so exquisitely and his back curved, hands sliding along my warm skin until he found my hips. I ran my fingers into his hair and along his back, my legs tightening around his waist as I kissed his shoulder. “You…feel glorious, _oh,_ sweetheart.”

            “Don’t stop,” I breathed under him, heart pounding against his own. His lips closed around a spot on my neck to suck as I bucked harder against him, coaxing him to slam into me faster and  _by the nine_  his hands felt so perfect against my bare flesh. Pounding into my clenched walls, Loki groaned and I cried out when he found a spot that made me writhe. “Right there,  _oh_!” I heard him curse loudly against my skin and speed up and I didn’t think he could help it now as his body succumbed to lust and intimacy before he buried his face into my neck as I tugged at his black hair. “So good…” I panted and cried in his ear, pleas falling from my lips. “You feel…so good.”

            “That’s it,” he moaned, sitting up a bit to watch my face. “Allow…your body to give into pleasure…nothing holding it back.” I whined under him and felt the huge bed rocking under us. Friction was sending jolts up and down my body while he clenched his teeth together and I knew he was close as his thrusting became erratic. Loki held me tight and I whispered in his ear. My body arched into his, knowing I was close as well.

            “Come…” I coaxed, digging my fingernails into his back. “I want you to come…inside me.” Loki was breathing heavily. His fingers pressed into my skin roughly before his back curved and he moaned my name once more. Teetering on the brink of release, I instead pushed him toward pleasure. My prince shuddered and I watched his lips part as his climax consumed him when his body seized up. Still rocking hard against him, my entire body screamed out madly to succumb and Loki was quick to begin stroking my clit hard while he pumped his release into me. Gasping for air, he didn’t allow himself to collapse yet, desperate for me to have my end as rough fingers rubbed at a quick pace.

            “ _Come for me_ ,” he whispered, sending me over the edge fully.

            “Loki…I'm… _oh_!” I cried out as my body suddenly quaked around him and every muscle went into spasms. He didn’t let up until I quivered and curved up from the bed hard. Pleasure washed over my frame and I shut my eyes when a broken yell passed my lips. My entire body gave in and I sagged just before Loki allowed himself to lie on top of me. Shaking, I held his body to mine, my hands stroking his hair and Loki sat up to meet my gaze. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Instead of speaking, he rested his forehead against mine. Our slick bodies came down from the high. He kissed my jaw and then my lips as emotion swelled within my chest. I almost burst into tears right there. Reluctantly, Loki rolled off of me and we laid there for another moment, staring up at the ceiling. “That,” I breathed, “was far better than any smut I read.”

            “Your eyes did  _glisten_  quite a bit,” Loki paused before he laughed openly with me following. I turned to face him and his hand traced a line down my cheek. My body was sore so I cuddled into him and if he wasn’t holding me, I would have floated up to Valhalla right then. “I do not have to be up for a while longer,” he watched my face. “Stay with me,” the rare show of hope entered his green eyes and I smiled slightly, nodding. Loki reclined and brought me with him, holding me tightly and my heart warmed when he began to stroke my hair. I planted a lazy kiss on his chest, fingers tracing a shape into his skin over the area his heart was. He pressed his lips into my hair and we drank each other in for a moment. “I love  _every_  bit of you,” came his quiet, heartfelt confession and I had to stop my eyes from watering when emotions almost got the best of me again. Everything was perfect here. For both of us.

            “I love you as well,” I spoke evenly, “so much.”

** ** **

            Grinning like a fool, I sharpened my sword for use by a tree on the training grounds hours later. I bit my lip and a voice pulled me from my thoughts. “I believe that congratulations are in order.”

            “Fandral,” I gave him a playful glare. “I’ve not said anything and somehow you already know that Loki and I slept together.”

            “No,” Fandral grinned. “I was simply guessing but you just confirmed it.” Realizing I’d fallen into his trap, I scoffed.

            “Ugh! You’re terrible,” I stood and pushed at him as he trailed after me. “You can’t do that.”

            “Still, I believe that  _congratulations_  are in order in that case.” He nudged at my side and I shook my head. “You are  _radiating_  with pure bliss. I’ve that effect on all my lovers so I know the look.”

            “You’re the worst,” I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “Pick up your sword and duel me, I’m done with your comments.” Fandral grinned at me simply, bowing with all the air of prince charming.

            “As you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! :D


	8. Smut Interlude: Provoking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a few smut prompts that I almost posted seperately but I figured I'd just slap them in here for fun if I can. They're good writing warm ups to be honest. This first one is about the first time she really goes down on him. Another one will be added in a few chapters, stay tuned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Succ. Some plot. Super short. Week or two after they start doing the do. The Lady is nervous about approaching such new things but willing to try and completely endearing about it. Loki can't even.

           Oh, I cannot do this.

            _Eyes glistening, she fell to her knees and slipped her dainty fingers into the waist of his pants, tugging to get them over his perfectly muscled hips. His heated love muscle sprang forward, throbbing for her plump lips before…_

           “Loki!” The book dropped onto the counter when his sharp face stared at me from the other side of the bookshelf. “Quit that!” I huffed and shoved a row of books over so his expression was hidden before his chuckle sounded. Just as he moved the books back aside, I slipped the dirty novel away and plucked another book out discreetly.

           “I have not seen you since breakfast so I figured I’d surprise you.” He mused and I rolled my eyes.

           “ _Scare_  me, is what you mean.” I arched one eyebrow at him. “I skipped lunch to finish stocking in the healing room and ended up being let out early by your benevolent mother. Figured I’d return my borrowed books and snag another to read tonight.”

           “Have you read this one? You won’t sleep for a week,” Loki slid a book between the opening in the shelf. “The effects of dark spells. It has pictures too. Vividly detailed.”

           “ _Oh_ …” I drawled. “Sounds exciting.” I read over the back quickly and shrugged before setting it away in my bag. “What are you doing on the third floor at this hour?”

           “It’s semi-quiet and empty, everyone is getting ready for dinner and those here remain downstairs.” Loki appeared at the end of the row I was in and stepped forward. “The music is peaceful and I like the way the rain vibrates on these windows. Perfect time to browse. Distracting enough.” The warm light flickered as curtains closed themselves with a wave of Loki’s hand. “You look lovely. New dress?”

           “The prince who gifted it to me had great taste.” I glanced up at him before turning toward my little pile of books on the counter.

           “You’ll have to introduce me,” Loki chuckled and slipped an arm around my waist before he kissed my cheek.

           “Trying to mold me now?” I joked.

           “Why would I? Valhalla has already sculpted you in its image.” Loki was smooth and I pushed at him playfully.

           “Stop.”

           “Admit it,” he nudged me when I glanced from him, blushing. “It was a good line.”

           “I’ll say no such thing.” I licked my lips and peered at the dirty novel I’d hidden away. “I have my…studies to focus on.”

           “What’s this you have so far?” Loki asked then.

           “Besides the one you gave me…” I shifted the books around and felt his fingers press into my side a bit. “I mostly picked books that involve my healing room work. Recipes. Ancient healing remedies. Poison effects. Fun stuff. Your mother recommended them and perhaps one day I’ll be able to understand what Eir and Elisif are talking about when they speak. I’m not the most amazing healer but I keep busy with them. What are you up to?” I stared at his pale neck when he turned his head away briefly and found myself wanting to kiss it. Loki always adored that.

           “Fetching something for father, Thor and I are meeting him before dinner.” Loki held up an ancient text in his other hand. “But, I spared time to bother you when I discovered that you were up here strutting about the third floor alone.”

           “ _Aw_.” Sarcasm flowing into my voice. “You put aside time to bother me. How sweet of you.”

           “Only because I love you,” Loki affectionately tucked some hair behind my ear and let his hand linger there.

           “You must love everyone if that is the case.” I quipped and he hummed before tilting my head to capture my lips in a kiss. The books fell from my fingers onto the counter next to my bag. Loki pulled my body into his to deepen the embrace. Fingers squeezed my sides in gentle motions, sliding over my waist to my hips. “I love you too.” I whispered when he pulled away and tilted his chin up. “My room tonight I take it?”

           “Yes,” he nodded once and picked up his book only to draw closer and peck my lips once more. “We’ll  _explore_  Valhalla.” I bit back a smile when he shifted to go but my arm instinctively stopped him. Loki peered down at me as the rain against the windows beat louder than my racing heart. “Forceful. Am I not allowed to go yet?”

           “Yes…” I exhaled before latching to his sleeve. “No.” My feet shifted awkwardly so I swallowed and stared up at him. “You’ve been really good with me.” I admitted softly and Loki beamed a little. “I wanted…”

           “Yes?”

           “I’ve been wanting to do something for you.” My breath hitched slightly with nerves. Loki’s full attention was on me, encouraging me to go on when he shifted to lean against the counter. My fingers curled into his sleeve a bit. “I’ve been thinking about us. Um, together. It’s new to me, a lot of this. Mostly, the sex stuff. I enjoy our… _relations_  and I wanted to be closer with you so I… I thought we could try some things…” My eyes were anywhere but on his as I tried to explain myself. “Things that I know you really like and things that I can see myself liking because they’ll bring us together…closer. I get to experiment. Am I making sense?”

           “Rest assured,” Loki took my hand from his sleeve and held it. “I’m following what you’re saying.” Stepping closer to him, my dress brushed against his legs as he looked elsewhere and went on. “Tonight, I’ll ensure you’re able to…” Loki’s breath caught when I kissed his neck. “To…” He sighed, cupping the back of my head and I suckled a bit, tracing my lips down the hollow of his throat with kisses. “I have to…meet…father soon,  _oh_.” Loki gave a soft sigh when my hand cupped him, rubbing through his pants. I longed so to be bold. Instantly, his body responded and he had to brace himself against the shelf, whining silently. “I’m going to…be late,  _sweetheart_.” Pausing, I shifted back to look at him. Loki’s eyes were closed. He held to the shelf for dear life, the book dropping to the floor. “ _Don’t stop._ ” His purr caused me to press against him, palming him again.

           “Don’t let them hear you downstairs.” I whispered into his ear, kissing his jaw lightly. Loki went rigid when I dropped to my knees before he could grab for me.

           “Oh? This?” He got the idea as I unlaced his pants, pressing my lips together. “Here?” The expression on his face was one I almost didn’t recognize. My fingers slipped and kneaded up along his inner thigh, causing him to shudder.

           “I’ve read that the thrill of being caught in public is exciting for sexual partners.” I was tugging at laces again while I stared up at him. “…Am I wrong?” Loki was dumbfounded. Eyes marked by complete disbelief that flooded down his body. His lips parted to try to form words.

           “Well, yes…it is. But, I…you…?”

           “I thought…” I was slowing. “I thought you enjoyed the…pure risk of it all. I’m…open to it.”

           “…You stated you read about this? Are you reading smut again?”

           “I’m trying to study good smut only…outside of our…physical meeting. The sex, I mean, sorry. I can say it, I’m just not good at explaining myself.” I pressed my cheek to Loki’s thigh, the leather was heated against my skin.

           “ _Fucking_.” He uttered under his breath and I sighed.

           “I’m embarrassing myself, aren’t it?” Green eyes were wild at me in response.

           “Gods, no… I’m… Well, the proof is rather close to you. Quite noticeable.” Yes, he was very clearly aroused in front of me. Carefully, I tugged another tie out and his pants opened further to show the skin of his hips, lined elegantly. Biting into my bottom lip, I slid my fingers under his top and traced the lines of him down. The trail of hair was barely noticeable.

           “Not clear enough,” I blinked, feigning a vague shrug. “Silly me, I’ve forgotten to ask. You want this, right? My mouth, I mean. We can do something else…if you wanted my hand or-” He pressed a finger to my lips to hush me.

           “You are incredibly-”

           “Don’t say cute and ruin the mood.” I pulled back to shoot him a hard look.

           “Charming, delightful, captivating,” he gave an easy shrug and I huffed.

           “Big words.” There was a beat. My head cocked, eyes inquisitive. “Seductive?”

           “ _Provoking_.” He decided, eyebrows lifting briefly.

           “I can work with that.” My fingers pulled his clothing down in one motion, causing him to hiss suddenly and I didn’t offer a warning before taking his tip into my mouth. Nervous hands held to his hips and I used his shaft to keep anything else from slipping out my lips to further my awkward nature. The music downstairs lifted above the exhale Loki released; I could feel his body tighten. The lean muscles turning to steel. Unable to look up at him, I swallowed him down a bit and gagged. He was so heated. Twitchy. Forced to release him, I suppressed my apology and continued again. Loki’s hand came down to grip my shoulder this time.

           “Teeth,” he warned and finally my utter of  _sorry_  muffled and vibrated around his girth. He bucked this time, causing my eyes to lift when I suckled the tip. Loki’s eyes had closed, lips parted and suppressing any sound when my tongue slipped along his taut skin. My neck moved to bob my head in slow motions, testing to see if Loki was responsive. I had to make this natural, pleasure him, not be awkward, keep track of my teeth placement, and breathe at the same time. The books didn’t get into this. Still Loki was excited, he’d tipped his head back and slowly worked his hips toward me. Arousal dripped against my tongue when I ran it along the small slit. Swirling along the head, I suckled again. Harder. He moaned and covered his mouth. Pride fluttered. Shifting back briefly, I wiped the back of my hand along my lips and got used to his taste before continuing. My mind was in twenty different places so I had to shove that all away and focus on a pace. When Loki’s fingers dug into my shoulder, I realized he was holding back so I let go of his hips briefly to guide his hand into my hair. Instantly, long fingers twisted around my curls and cupped the back of my head as if to gain some control here.

           I was willing to oblige.

           “You can pull it,” I whispered after coming up, my chest rose and fell as my heart pounded against my ribcage. Loki’s mouth parted with a sigh before he tugged at me to angle my head up a bit. My lips swelled to a pout, slicked in his arousal before I reached to stroke him. Loki stared into my eyes, his hazed over with pleasure before I lifted to my knees again to take him into my mouth while I pumped my hand.

           “Mouth only,” his words caused me to hesitate before I took my hand from him to grasp his hips again. Just barely glancing up at him, I felt his hand start to pull me forward in sync with my movements. The music in the air barely covered a moan before his free hand pressed to his mouth again while I sucked a bit harder. I could feel pleasure building within Loki. His hips began to buck roughly against me; my hands slipped under his shirt to touch and smooth over his body. Loki moaned again through his fingers this time. “ _Almost_.” My lips slid over his cock with ease, tongue tracing the rigid lines along it. I pressed my fingers into his skin when I started to gag on him again. Pulling back, I adjusted myself and kept up my pace as Loki began to build toward climax. Pride might have swelled within my chest this time when he gave the dirty utter of a curse before sighing my name like it was the echo at the end of a song. My tongue lapped against a little spot under the head that made him lose it. I didn’t breathe, eyes widening when his entire body seized and pulled me all the way forward. My throat gave a spasm. Instantly, he spilled against my tongue and I stayed there, hand sliding to grasp his wrist. When Loki had finished, I inhaled through my nose and pulled away. His fingers slid from me as I pressed my fist to my lips and swallowed his seed without thinking, licking traces from my lips before any could spill. Breathing heavily, I managed to look back up at him trying to catch his breath. He looked properly fucked out and completely stunning. Loki had braced his body against the counter before lazily tucking himself back into his pants as I stood on shaken legs.

           My body froze when his green eyes narrowed on me.

           “Did you just swallow…?”

           “Yes.” I wiped my hand over my swollen lips again as we awkwardly regarded each other before I nodded and grabbed for my bag behind him. I didn’t know if he wanted to kiss me after that so I didn’t try, shuffling my feet. “Well…you’re welcome…”  _Shit_. Embarrassed with myself, I turned and pressed my lips to rush off and down the stairs. Loki wasn’t behind me as I put my head down and made my way through the hallways. _I have no idea what I’m doing, of course that was obvious._ I picked up a jog when I saw my room and stopped when a determined Loki stalked toward me from the other end of the hallway. “I’m sorry…about that. If I did anything wrong, I mean.”

           “Hush,” he took my face and kissed me, pressing me against the door and making it a point to slide his tongue between my lips. The kiss was messy and filthy and I loved every bit of it. Loki tilted his head and planted another lingering kiss against my lips before releasing me. My bag slid from my shoulder and I barely caught it as I stumbled back and caught my breath. “Honestly sweetheart, you must stop running off before I can get a word in. I always kiss after. All right?”

           “Yes...yes,” I stuttered, near silent and tried to nod.

           “I’m late but, I think we should skip dinner tonight. I’ll bring it up after the meeting and for dessert…I can do something you enjoy. In fact, I can even spend the night away on things we both enjoy. Yes?”

           Unable to speak, a giggle erupted from my lips before I covered them with my hand and nodded once more. Loki broke a little in turn as he watched me.

           “I’ll take that as a yes.” He shrugged his shoulders and came forward to kiss me lightly this time. “Shouldn’t be longer than thirty minutes. Until then?”

           “Yes.”

           “And for the record, I love you and your mouth. You’ve no reason to be so nervous around me.” Loki waited until I agreed silently before he went on. “I want you to be comfortable when we’re intimate.”

           “I know, I love you. Go, I’ll see you after.” I straightened Loki’s clothing and tugged him in for a kiss this time. He smiled at me and turned to go before I spoke after ensuring no one was around. “Liked the way you tasted.” Loki’s head snapped back before he sucked in his cheeks a bit.

           “You cannot make me later than I already am,” he smirked at me, shaking his head before going off.

           “Just…giving you a reason to be back early.”

           “I’m in a relationship with you, I don’t need any other reason.” Loki waved without looking back at me before he turned the corner.

           My lips split into a grin in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!!! :D Can I just say that writing over the top, fake text for Asgardian romance novels is a lot of fun???


	9. Lessons in Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more filler with some magic lessons and exercises in trust. Little bit of fluff and angst too. Few weeks or so after the last. The Lady deals with the Honeymoon Phase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all my dear readers! Smut warning ahoy.

 

          “What are we doing today?” I watched Loki wave his hands, the curtains opened to illuminate the room. He seemed a bit distracted by something so I waited patiently, glancing out the window. The inside training facilities weren’t used often as most Asgardians trained outside but they were perfect for when he and I needed to meet out of the library for lessons. Quickly, Loki moved a book aside and turned to face me.

            “As a warrior, you realize what is at stake when you set foot on the field, yes?” He searched me.

            “Of course I do.” I replied and Loki’s eyes flickered over my face again before he turned back, distractedly.

          “I am going to give you more practice in defensive magic.” Loki then opened a window and allowed some fresh air into the dusty space. The stone room held targets, practice weapons, and large bags of sand to train with. “What is a ward and why do we use them?” He’d tested and I stood straighter.

            “A ward is magical shield and…they’re used for blocking or absorbing spells…”

            “And?” He persisted and I thought for a moment.

            “And they can even reduce damage from most physical attacks too…depending how strong they are cast.”

            “Correct,” Loki nodded. “I have taught you a simple ward but now I need you to be able to cast a greater one. You must be quick when in battle, you need to have your defense up before they even think to attack. You must be one step ahead at all times. Or you will fall.” Loki flicked his wrist instantly and before I could move, I was sent back by a gust of wind, landing on the floor. Gasping, I moved my loosely braided hair behind my shoulder and looked up at him. “See?”

            “I get the point,” I grunted, standing and brushing off my pants while he moved, not smirking for once.

            “Cast your ward. Let me see it,” Loki moved behind me and I lifted my arms. “One hand only.” Shifting a bit, I used my left hand, fingers splayed out. I concentrated on the spell and the ward projected from me in an instant. When he grasped my hips, I jerked a bit. “Plant your feet, be firm.” Loki’s hand then touched my elbow before his fingers slid up my arm and I settled my breathing. “Keep your arm steady, not rigid,” he muttered and I tried to relax. “Better. Now relax your fingers, you don’t want them to shake.” Nodding, I did as I was told and his hand touched my own for just a moment causing me to bite the inside of my cheek. With the ward near-invisible, I held the spell until Loki circled me and signaled to stop. “Good. Now we are going test it. I will cast spells and it is up to you to defend yourself with the shield. Wards can either absorb the spell, or if you can create a greater one, they will deflect the spell to your advantage. Concentrate now.”

            “All right,” I nodded and exhaled so we both took steps backward from each other. Loki was the first to move, sending a spell when I twisted my body to bring the ward up. I felt a gust of wind again but planted my feet like he’d said, holding strong and Loki nodded.

            “More,” he persisted and I channeled my energy into the shield, feeling it grow stronger as Loki sent more spells. I brought it down when he paused; we circled each other before his hand swiped and I dodged, bringing up my shield again and he sent more relentless spells. I felt my foot slide back and my arm shake.  _Hold on_ , I told myself, baring my teeth. But, Loki sent more powerful spells and my ward relented, sending me back. The prince didn’t stop, looking upset. He sent another spell, which I managed to avoid before I got my ward up to absorb the next. “You have to give more. I am not your lover, I am an enemy and I  _will_  end your life! Focus!”

            “I am!” I gritted my teeth, sending a stronger ward up while Loki’s spells hacked away at me. Air rushed through the room, whipping through my hair and he leapt forward as I jumped to the side when he shot another burst of energy. Projecting my magic, I felt my will waver and when Loki swept his hand, the ward burst. My teacher let out a growl and sent a spell I barely saw before I was knocked to the floor hard when it hit my chest directly. Inhaling sharply, I shifted before I realized I couldn’t move my body beyond a twitch or shake while I tried to squirm. Eyes wide, my lips tried to form words. Loki clasped his hands behind his back and approached, calm now but I could see the anger in his eyes.

            “ _This_  is what is at stake,” he was standing tall over me and my lip trembled. Every single time I couldn’t hold my own during lessons, I felt like I’d disappointed him. I always felt so terrible after. But, he looked more upset than disappointed now while I tried to move.

            “What did…you do to me?” I rasped and Loki stepped over me before he kneeled down to straddle my hips.

            “You are partially paralyzed, it will wear off in ten or so minutes,” he paused, eyes trailing over my face when I attempted to twist and my fingers grasped at the stone under me. “But, now your enemy can do  _whatever_  they please with you.” Loki touched my chin, his fingers sliding down my neck and my breath caught. I watched him, helpless. “Think of every  _awful_   _possibility_.” The prince pulled out a dagger and held it to my neck, I felt the cold blade against my throat and my mind clawed to gain control over my body again. “You’re gone!  _You’re dead now_! I have killed you, because you could not protect yourself! I know you’re better than this.”

            “Loki,” I puffed, shaking as I realized his lesson and he set the weapon away.

            “Magic is more than simple knowledge and power. It is emotion. It is control. It is  _will_. It can be your life. If you do not have every  _single_ fiber of your being focused onto it, then that will reflect when you use it. You do have a strong will but you need to concentrate, damn it. Or you will easily fall.  _Think_ about every single thing you could be protecting. Yourself. Your loved ones. Your home. Your very life is on the line and you need to treat it as such. We are looked upon as gods but one wrong move and I could… _we_ can still lose  _everything_.” I saw Loki’s lower lip tremble for a moment before he set his jaw like he was holding back some emotion. He stood slowly, and my eyes watched him. For a moment, the prince stared at me like he wanted to confess something but instead he shook his head. “Once that wears off, you will find me in the library. Think about what I said until then and we may continue.” I watched him gather his things and go quietly.  _Loki…_

** ** ** **

            Entering the library, I glanced around for the familiar black hair; passing a few groups of Asgardians by the shelves, I went up the spiral staircase and weaved in and out of bookshelves until I found him setting away a few tomes. Loki didn’t gaze over at me but paused, a book in his hand as he lowered his head a moment. “Loki?” My voice was hushed while I ignored the people talking on the floor below. He stayed in place when I approached him, settling a hand on his shoulder but he still faced the counter attached to the bookshelf. Leaning against the wood, I let my hand touch his chin and compelled him to look at me but his eyes averted elsewhere. “Do you want to talk about what happened back there?” Loki allowed me to pull the book from his hands and set it down before I slipped between him and the bookshelf. His brow furrowed and I took his face in my hands. “What you said… You’re afraid of-”

            “It was a simple lesson, nothing more,” his eyes didn’t convince me.

            “It felt personal.” I offered slowly and he caved a little.

            “If I cannot be an effective instructor, it could have dire consequences and I will not…” Loki paused abruptly and gathered himself, his voice was smaller. “… _I will not_ …” I didn’t wait for him to finish, standing on my toes to put my arms around his neck to embrace him. Loki’s shoulders sagged as his arms stayed limp by his side but he allowed me to hold him a moment before I took his face again.

            “Look at me,” I requested softly before his eyes trailed up to meet mine. I could tell him I’ll never get hurt, never fall, in battle but that wasn’t reality. “You are a wonderful instructor and one of the best sorcerers in Asgard. Probably in all nine realms.” I smiled a little. “But, you can also believe in me to protect myself. I’ve learned so much from you and even before magic, I could handle myself just fine. We're both new at this, it'll take time. Don't shortchange yourself. Just as you said once, these lessons take time and patience that we both have to give.” He smirked lightly. “I value our time more than anything and I want it to continue. Don’t worry about these things while we are together. It’ll only distract you.”

            “It is just that I… The fact of the matter is that no fear can compare to the thought of you in harm. I realize that now.” He confessed slowly. “You. My brother. My parents. I must be strong enough. I must  _ensure_  the safety of our world.” Something in his tone almost unsettled me.

            “You’ll have to trust us to defend ourselves too. The realms aren’t all on you.” My thumbs traced across his cheekbones. “During our lessons, you are guiding me and I need you to trust me to follow. If…If I ever were to get hurt…or even fall in battle,” his eyes looked away again but I continued, “that will never reflect on you. Do you hear me?” I shifted, forcing him to meet my gaze again. “It will not be your fault, Loki. Besides, with you for a teacher now, I don’t think anyone in their right mind will mess with me,” I smiled again and saw the corner of his lips quirk up as my hands fell to his shoulders.

            “Well, you are persistent.”

            “I am,” I glanced down, moving to take one of his hands in my own; staring down at the knuckles for a moment, I exhaled. Meeting his gaze again, I settled his hand on my chest, pressing it in place over my heart. “Whatever happens,  _this_  will always be yours. I gave it to you and I trust you with it.” I shrugged, both my hands over his and Loki glanced down before he looked at my face, his spirits lifting. “What brought this all on?” The prince hesitated, scoffing before he spoke.

            “I have given it a lot of thought since a nightmare plagued my mind.” Tilting my head at him, I released his hand.

            “What happens in it?”

            “I start in the weapon’s vault…and there is blood…everywhere. Asgard is covered in snow and it’s so silent.” Loki’s voice was distant. “The type of silence that comes after death. I am walking about the grounds…trying to help. Trying to figure what happened. It is useless… I see everyone I know and…” He paused, not finishing the thought. “Near the end, I look down at my hands and realize that they are…covered in thick blood and I know….somehow, I know that I was the cause. Bloody Norns must be laughing at me.”

            “It…was just a bad dream,” I offered then and he nodded. I didn’t ask what I did or where I was in the dream, though I was curious. “I…I wish I knew the magic words to stop your fears, but I can only offer my reassurance. Have you had this dream often?”

            “Just the once,” Loki replied. “Your reassurance is fine.”

            “Frigga, she taught me about a tonic that can give you a restful sleep. It’s in one of my books. If you like…”

            “I know of it…and I shall be fine,” Loki gave a convincing smile and I exhaled.

            “I’m going to make one for you anyway and you can use it if you like,” I insisted and he chuckled finally, shifting forward so I was pressed between him and the counter.

            “You really are far too persistent,” he spoke and I grinned, nodding when his eyes trailed down my face.

            “Picked it up from you probably,” I beamed and Loki leaned down to capture my lips, surprising me. Coming back to myself, I grasped at his clothing before he pulled away and our lips hovered. “What…was that for?” I breathed and he smirked.

            “I require a reason to kiss you?”

            “No,” I felt my face heat up while I giggled and had to avert my stare. His broad hands settled on my hips.

            “I wish I could portray how becoming it is to make such a beautiful woman blush.” Loki exhaled against my mouth, kissing me softly once more. I jolted when he suddenly pulled me from the floor and set me on the counter. “If you must know,” Loki was standing between my knees, palms flat on the small of my back as I held onto his shoulders, “I am kissing you because I wished to.” His hands slid up my back and lips trailed across my jaw. “Because I needed to,” the prince pressed his mouth to my heated skin. “Because I am thankful for you.” Blissfully, I closed my eyes and sighed as he went on. “And because I simply desired you, as I usually do.” Loki kissed my neck and I tilted my head so he continued.

            “Loki…” I tried not to whine quietly, my hand surged up into his hair. “There are…people…downstairs.”

            “And?” He kissed my throat and I trembled when his lips parted, teeth grazing over the offered skin.

            “They will… _oh_ …hear…us.” I squeaked, shaken. Loki shifted to my other side, relentless lips nipped at a spot that made my fingers grasp to him more tightly. A thud caused us both to jump before I realized I’d knocked a book over. Exhaling, I laughed softly as our foreheads touched and we caught our breaths, I felt somewhat at ease. Loki stood straight, looking much too pleased with himself and I pushed at his chest. “We’re not done with magic for today, I hope you know that.”

          “And for a moment, I thought I’d distracted you from the subject.”

          “Afraid I’m going to be better than you one day?” I got off the counter and moved backwards. Loki’s sly eyes bore into me.

          “You simply cannot keep up with me,” he retorted cockily and I smiled with grace, sliding back farther.

          “No, you know what? Today, I’ll make you forget you even said that.”

          “I consent you to try,  _sweetheart_.” Loki held out his arms and I narrowed my gaze.

           “Don’t believe me?”

           “You must prove it to me.”

           “Scared?” I took a defensive stance as I neared the balcony. “The healers and court people downstairs aren’t going to be happy with us,” came my idle comment. I eyed them a moment before I watched Loki, his hands clasped behind his back now.

            “Well then.” He didn’t seem to care, which did not surprise me at all.

            “Your move,” I smirked, shrugging and Loki’s hand shot out quickly as I got up onto the bannister and jumped, landing on my feet below with ease. I could hear both the gasps from the healers and the sounds of Loki jumping after me while I took off, laughing. Energy swept past them in a billowing gust. Loki cast another spell and I twisted, my ward up to block it while I turned down a hallway. Playfully fighting throughout the palace hallways could get us both into trouble but this was far too much fun. Rounding a pillar, I stretched out my arm and shot water across the floor which he barely slipped on, catching his balance before he could fall.

            “Cheating now?” His next spell was absorbed by my shield and I scoffed.

            “Wonder where I picked that up?” I tried to send him back with my next spell but he leapt out of the way and sent it right back at me. When I shot sparks at his feet, Loki sent up a ward and gave me a mocking look of surprise.

            “Trying to harm a prince during a spar now too? I can have you punished for that.”

            “I seem to remember you paralyzing me not long ago,” we circled each other and Loki’s gaze narrowed. I brought up my shield instinctively and he chuckled. “And what punishment would  _the noble prince_  see fit?”

            “How about ten lashes?” Loki was smiling and I rolled my eyes as he went on. “On each  _cheek_.” Not hiding my blush at the nature of his comment, I scoffed again. “Not to worry, I’ll only use my hand.”

            “You know that stuff doesn’t even surprise me anymore in public coming from you.” I sent a spell that he easily swept aside.

            “Because you know me well or you enjoy our little  _trysts_  as much as I do?”

            “Our spars are-”

            “I was not referring to the spar anymore.”

            “Ugh!” I fought my amusement and sent more spells that he countered with ease but my ward stayed up while my face went redder. We ran down another hallway and I jumped from one pillar to another, twisting to send sparks midair that just barely missed him. Skidding to a halt, I had my shield up and his spell was bounced back to him. Loki smacked into a pillar lightly and looked caught off guard for once, to which I smiled widely, proud. “ _Ha_! You can’t go two minutes without embarrassing me with your little remarks, can you?”

            “A fair fight could be made for three minutes.”

            “ _Ha ha_ ,” I mocked and we circled each other again, an attendant down the hall spotted us and went the other way quickly. “I’m getting much better this year and you know it, are you worried yet?”

          “We both know this is going to end with you on your back,  _sweetheart_.” He leered and I glared at him, amused while I rolled my eyes. “Preferably under me.”

          “You little-” I didn’t finish, my spell grazing past his head and he chuckled. “Those aren’t appropriate remarks for such a  _wise and noble_  prince of Asgard.”

          “I take far too much pleasure out of you blushing so easily. Among  _other_  things.”

          “I am not  _blushing_!” I countered pathetically, my cheeks still very pink and I took off down another hallway. Spells flew back and forth as more passers evaded us; one of Loki’s spells knocked over a decorative tapestry that I had to dodge before it covered me.

          “Oh, your pretty face is still  _so very_  red,” he mocked and I breathed heavily, holding my ward up with newfound vigor.

           “Ugh! You know what? If I win, you have to keep that  _silver tongue_  in your mouth for a week. No comments. Nothing. No talking at all and how about just outside your room too, to make it just a little fair since I’m feeling  _nice_. Only if you’re up to it.“ I smirked. "No talking outside your room, at meals, on the training grounds, in the library for seven whole days.” Green eyes narrowed before Loki spoke evenly.

            “Hm. If I win, you have to spend the entire week with me in my room.”

            “I’ve spent many nights in your room, that’s  _really_  all you want?” My brow rose as he shrugged.

            “Yes. Just follow the simple rules of my quarters.”

            “…Fine.” I offered quickly. “Deal.”

            “Agreed,” Loki replied and leapt for me. Swiftly, I slipped past him so the battle resumed down the hallway and the bright sun shone down past the curtains. Loki’s next spell caused me to lose my footing and I fell to one knee, casting another back that stopped him from catching me. I bounded down the hall, turning a corner and hid behind one of the many pillars when the sound of Loki’s footsteps approached. I dove out and went through him, landing on my knees with a gasp before I smirked.

            “Nice try,” I twisted my torso and shot a spell that caused the real Loki to fall backwards fully as he tried to sneak up on me. Quickly, I got on top of him when he blinked in a slight daze. “You think I’m not used to your usual  _tricks_  now? Loki,” I leaned closer to him and my voice was hushed, “you should know me better than that, _sweetheart._ ” I sat up a bit “One day I’ll convince you to teach me those illusions, by the way.” Sometimes I wondered why there were certain things he wouldn’t agree to teach me yet. “Now, I won- _ah_!” Loki flipped us over with ease and smacked me against the floor. “Hey!”

            “You do know that I am still faster than you.” His smirk was infuriating and with magic, I flipped us over again.

            “You were saying?” Loki rolled us over and then I did the same until we were a mess of spells flying and two people rolling around on the floor until I was on my side with my legs around his hips and Loki’s face went blank as he glanced up behind me. Both of us paused and I turned my head to see the stoic face of the Queen staring back at me. Loki’s lips parted and he realized the position we were in.

            “Mother-”

            “Your majesty-” We both began at the same time, trying to untangle from each other. I heard chuckles and realized Thor was standing behind his mother laughing loudly but Frigga wasn’t too amused. I stayed on my knees and bowed as Loki stood, smoothing his hair back.

            “I hear a commotion and follow a messy trail of water and scorch marks to find you two fooling around like this inside the palace? You know better than to conduct yourself this way, Loki.”

            “Please, it’s my fault, I started it,” I offered, my hands on my chest. The three royals looked to me but Frigga shook her head as Loki spoke.

            “No, it is not, she-”

            “Loki is your instructor and therefore held responsible and…” Frigga paused and we all realized Thor was still laughing harder now. “Thor! Contain yourself while-”

            “Forgive me,” he sputtered, his broad smile apparent and I wanted to grin at him. “Mother, you cannot possibly-”

            “If your father had caught them, he would not appreciate the display!”

            “Frigga,” I stood slowly. “I am sorry…we got a bit ahead of ourselves and we’ll clean up the mess.”

            “A bit?” She raised an almost amused eyebrow. “When I spotted you two, I did not initially think you were both  _battling_.” I was flushed again and pressed my lips together, glancing down.

            “Sorry…” I squeaked and Thor was chuckling once more. I spared Loki a glance when I realized he was quiet and also noticed, to my surprise, that the rare color of pink had tinted his cheeks. Though, it didn’t shock me that Frigga had brought this out of him.

            “Behave while you walk the palace halls,” she spoke to Loki. “You don’t want your father or his many advisers to see you in that state.”

            “Forgive me, Mother,” Loki bowed his head, respectfully. “They shall not.” I noted he didn’t promise that it wouldn’t happen again and tried not to let out an amused breath. “For what it’s worth, my pupil has surpassed my expectations of the day.” Realizing that he was talking about me, I snapped to attention and I smiled almost bashfully.

            “Thank you…”

            “I suppose that much is good. From now on, hold anymore spars like this one outside the palace and clean up the mess with haste. I will leave your father out of this one.”

            “Yes, Mother,” the side of Loki’s lip curled up and he kissed her cheek lightly. I smiled at the affectionate scene when Thor spoke as Loki moved to pass him.

            “Do I not get one too?” Thor tilted his head and Loki glared, amused.

            “Oh, I’ve something for you, fool,” Loki held up his hand and light lit it up, causing Thor to step back while it drew close to his face.

            “Boys!” Frigga chided. “Do I need to watch you both all day to stop you from causing a ruckus and embarrassing us?”

            “No, Mother,” both brothers stated at the same time, the light around Loki’s hand going out.

            “Come, Thor,” Frigga pointed and Thor obediently followed. “Loki, stay out of trouble.”

            “I shall try my  _very_  best,” Loki beamed and I snickered lightly when the Queen shot him a look and turned to go.

            “Wait, may…I ask you both something?” I stopped them, shuffling my feet. “So…from what you saw…who won?” I grinned as Frigga and Thor shared a look.

            “Seemed to be a tie,” Thor shrugged and Frigga nodded, entertained now. They turned down the hall and I looked back at Loki behind me.

            “You know what that means?” I slunk toward him. “Get your last words in tonight because the minute you leave your room in the morning, no talking until you go back in for the evening. If you think you can do that, of course.” Green eyes blazed into me. He held his head up, hands behind his back.

            “And tomorrow night, you will accompany me to my quarters and follow my simple rule for guests.”

            “Which is?”

            “Nothing too difficult, you must simply do as I command within my room.” Loki smirked wide and I, instead, matched it with ease. Our relationship had reached this point where I was just so stupidly happy all the time and I think Loki was as well. Fandral called it the honeymoon phase. I hoped it would last.

            “See you then.”

          **  ** ** **

            The first day was only half over and I could tell Loki was loathing every bit of what he agreed to as I watched him across the training grounds. No snide or sassy remarks at all could be uttered and it was  _killing_  him. Finishing a spar with Fandral, I sheathed my sword and practically skipped over to where Loki was as he sent small daggers into targets with perfect precision. “And how’s your day?” Loki grunted in response and I snickered, causing him to glare. I caught his hand twitching and my foot slipped from under me so I fell into the grass, chuckling harder at him on the ground. “That wasn’t polite of you.” He hummed in response. “You only have six more days after this. And I’ve already allowed you to talk in your room so you can tell me all about it later.” Loki’s next smirk would have made the Allfather himself step back and I got to my feet, merely enjoying his disdain.

            “Loki!” Thor boomed from his spot as he bounded over. “We’re taking a break to go to the pub, come on, brother.” Knowing that Loki had no interest in indulging with the warriors today as he had to keep his comments to himself, I smiled and took Loki’s arm.

            “Loki and I have an agreement so he can’t speak, as you know, but I think he needs a break, don’t you, Thor?” Loki’s glare was heating when Thor put an arm around his brother to steer him off. Knowingly, the elder prince smiled widely at me and I grinned in return.

          “I must agree, my friend.”

          “I need to go to the library so go on without me.” Loki groaned at my words while Thor happily pulled him off and I waved, catching Loki’s pained expression. “See you both after lunch.” To be honest, I was impressed that Loki had made it this far without jumping out of his skin or ripping his hair out.

** ** **

          Footsteps echoed hours later and I turned to see Loki making his way over to me when I set one book away to pick up another. Flustered, he wasted no time and cornered me, pointing an accusing finger at my face. “You have fun, my love?”

          Loki shook his head no.

          “Aw… Did the warriors share any good stories?”

          Loki rolled his eyes.

          “I bet you heard so many comments you wanted to make remarks about too.”

          Sucking in his cheeks a bit, Loki gave a tight nod.

          “But you couldn’t give your usual brand of  _opinion_ , could you?” A book in hand, I shrugged and passed him with a mock pout. “Poor, poor thing. I’m actually proud, you’re holding up your end of the deal.”

          Loki gave a muffled groan and I kissed his cheek.

          “There, there, all we have is dinner later and then you can talk to your heart’s content in your room as I know you have  _so much_  to say to me. Before we do this all over again tomorrow.”

          Again, he gave a muffled sound of annoyance.

          “Not easy, is it?” I watched him give me a stoic look before I turned and replaced the book in my hand with another. The library was empty now as I created a small pile of books I’d planned to borrow. In response to my comment, Loki waited until I met his gaze before he knocked it over with a swipe of his hand and I crossed my arms. “Don’t be mad at me, you agreed to this. Not my fault you craved a good challenge.” Chuckling, I watched him step aside and move behind me so I bent over to pick it up. Glancing back, I realized Loki had paused to watch me pick up my books and I straightened my legs, playfully arching my back so he got a good view to mess with him. The prince brought a spirited side out of me this week, what else could I say?

          “Hm.” He mused silently and I bit back my grin as I stood fully to fix my pile. It was odd, how playful the high of our relationship had made me. This wasn’t really me. Was it? This playful girl. Wanting to toy with him further, I undid the top buttons of my shirt idly so I turned to see him holding the book I had earlier. Without breaking eye contact with me, he dropped it with a thud at his feet. Exhaling, my lip curled up. I tilted my head at him before slowly dropping to my knees. I crawled closer and picked up the book; still staring up at him as I stood, our bodies close.

          “Clumsy today?” I shifted past him, my chest grazing against him when I put the book away with my back to him. For a moment, I felt Loki touch my hair and realized he was undoing the braid it was in. Liking how it felt, I smiled lightly. Affection flooded my insides. His fingers shifted through my locks and I inhaled slowly while his hand traced against my back before he dropped his arm. Letting out a shaken breath, I turned just as he pressed me back against the bookshelf with his form. “You want something?” I had my hand against his chest firmly.

          Loki barely nodded, his distracted eyes trailing down my face.

          “Just  _ask_ me,” I teased then, our lips agonizingly close. Loki shifted forward but I tilted my head back and my hand kept him from moving closer to me. “You can just ask me first, you know?” Loki’s eyes went from my dark ones to my lips repeatedly and I shrugged. “I just don’t really know what you want, sorry, I can’t help you unless you tell me.” My fingertips trailed up and barely brushed against his pale neck as his lips parted, our flushed bodies almost fully pressed together.

          Loki shifted his feet and licked his lips but I shrugged my shoulders once more.

          “You look like you  _really_  need to tell me something,” I felt his hand on my hips, fists bunching up the fabric.

          Loki nodded and furrowed his brow.

          “Well?” I smiled, moving my head back as his bottom lip quivered just a little. “Loki,” I gave him a false look of sympathy, “you can say anything to me, you know?” My voice dropped to a hushed tone. “Really…just open your mouth…and talk to me.” Refusing to break our deal, Loki swallowed the lump in his throat at my play but didn’t speak. “Nothing?” Steeling his resolve, Loki attempted to let out a breath that came out sounding like a whine when I slid around him. “If you don’t tell me, I can’t do anything about it.” It was almost odd seeing Loki in such a state of pure need and frustration and I enjoyed it. Broad hands only gripped to me tighter and I chuckled as he partly lifted me from the floor to finally steal a kiss, which I allowed with a sound of amusement against his mouth. When the prince tipped his head, I felt his teeth eagerly nip at my bottom lip when my hands stayed trapped against his chest and his body pressed me against the bookshelf firmly. Trying hard to coax me into parting my lips, Loki’s hands slid under my shirt before I broke the kiss. The sound of the whimper that left his mouth will be forever seared into my mind. But, I toughed up and pulled his hands from me. “Not here. Not now…unless you maybe ask?” I watched him heavily consider it but instead he kept his word and clenched his jaw shut as I bit back my smile, which he noticed and grunted. “I’m enjoying this far too much, aren’t I?”

            Slowly, Loki nodded, his intense gaze not affecting me.

            “Well, now you know a  _fraction_  of how maddening you are,” I pushed against his chest, my fingers lingering as I passed him. Picking up my books, I shot him a final smile and noticed his hands clenched into fists. Affectionately, I kissed his jaw and stepped backwards. Who was I? Was I pretending? Did I believe myself? This playful-perhaps even slightly sexual-girl would not last, but I’d enjoy it for now. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

            Loki only nodded, green eyes watching me go.

** ** **

            I purposely ate slowly at dinner as Loki stared me down from my right. Every time the prince appeared to want to comment on something, he only clenched his jaw shut and shifted next to me. I could tell Thor was purposefully bringing things up to get his brother to retort but Loki didn’t budge. Many other Asgardians just appeared confused though I’d never seen Sif so happy during a meal. Finally, I got up from the table and Loki practically shot up next to me to follow me out. “Eager?” I chuckled once we’d left the room as he gave me a flat look before I turned to continue when Loki suddenly grabbed me and heaved me over his shoulder. “Ah! Loki! Okay, put me down!” He didn’t budge and marched down the hallway. My weight was nothing to his much skinnier body. “Let me down!” Squirming in his grip, Loki held me while I grabbed at the clothing over his back, watching the floor under me as I groaned. “Loki! Come on…” Sweeping his doors open and closed with magic when he entered, Loki tossed me back onto the bed and spoke for the first time today.

            “You have no idea who you are-!”

            “Apparently I do,” I fell back, laughing. “I haven’t seen you this riled up in…well, actually I don’t think I have. I can’t believe you made it the entire day. One down, six to go. I’ll lessen up on you but I think Thor had more fun than I did.” Loki rolled his eyes, crossing the room.

            “You both will pay for this sooner or later,” he spoke and I fell back against the silk.

            “For what it’s worth, I kind of missed your voice,” I goggled before I stretched and got back up. He huffed and I opened the door to his balcony, enjoying the slow sunset over Asgard. “But, I did have far too much fun.”

          “Just wait till I decide payment when you least expect it.” Loki called and I shrugged.

          “Be happy, you’ve one of the best views in Asgard.” Leaning forward onto my elbows, I watched the sky change colors and smiled idly when Loki approached. After a long moment of silence, I could feel him watching me and glanced over at him. “Hm?”

            “Nothing. Just appreciating the  _view_.” His fingers combed through my hair and I moved toward him to kiss his jaw.

            “You’re sweet on occasion,” I smirked, matching his own.

            “Do not let anyone else find out.”

            “It can be our secret, you know plenty about me.”

            “That reminds me… Come,” Loki took my wrist and pulled me back inside to his table, half of it covered in books. He picked one up that looked to be older than both of us and I tilted my head. “My mother gave me a few ancient tomes…this one had a spell that I figured you would find intriguing.” Loki was carefully turning pages to find it.

            “You get me in here for a week and you wish to continue lessons?” I chuckled.

            “Well, our last lesson took an odd turn,” he found the page and held the book up before my amusement dissipated as I read the page.

            “Breathing underwater…” I recited and Loki nodded slowly. “Because I…of my… _issue_.”

            “We've talked about it. Your fear. I had planned for us to do this earlier, but now no one is outside and we are free to spend some time learning it.”

            “I…don’t know,” I spoke reluctantly.

            “Read the tome and think it over. I shall be there with you, you’ve no reason to fret. It is up to you.”

            “Okay…” I took the book, nodding. I wanted to try for him and myself. The whole thing was really thoughtful.

            “Read that while I prepare.”

** ** **

            “I’m…having second thoughts again,” I watched the moonlight play off the lake water. Loki set his things down by a tree and watched me a moment as my hands shook.

            “I have not ever seen your fear up close.”

            “For good reason,” I muttered.

            “Will you tell me how it began?” Loki requested then and I paused.

            “When I was young… I was pushed into the deep end of a lake far from here. Frantically, I clawed and struggled but I only sunk to the bottom. I’ve never seen darkness like that anywhere… Luckily, your mother… Well, she was traveling across the grounds with some healers at the time. It was Frigga who pulled me out, ruined her dress in the process.”

            “Where were your guardians?” Loki asked and I glanced down.

            “Who do you think pushed me in?” I watched his lips part. “They were trying to teach me, grew frustrated by my unwillingness after hours of trying so I was forced in by my father and it was expected that I get it together as my survival instincts kicked in. Which didn’t work. My mother wanted to stop it but was too afraid of my father and she was pushing him but he held her from getting to me. That was the first time I saw her really fight for me. The Queen was traveling with her ladies. She heard us from the carriage. Frigga got me out and she…knew the nature of it. My parents played it off and I went along with them, saying that I’d fallen in by accident. I think that was the day Frigga stopped trusting my parents, your mother is smart and she knew better. She offered to take care of me for the day to clean me up, heal the scratches I’d gotten. To which my parents  _eagerly_  agreed when Frigga stated she wanted me to play with her boys. I wonder now if they did it on purpose to get her attention, knowing she would be there… After Frigga cleaned me up, she smiled, realizing that I was shy at first and led me outside for a walk. I met the King. Your father was clad in the most beautiful armor I'd ever seen, like a knight from a fairy tale. He came to my level with a smile and kissed my hand. I was scared but he was so kind to me. They made me feel so safe. Frigga later took me to meet her sons, playing with the other little warriors, ironically near a pond. The mighty willow tree. The youngest was sitting by himself under that tree, reading a book that looked much too large for his small body.” I smiled a little at Loki.

            “That was the day we met.”

            “Yes.” I nodded. “Ended up being such a wonderful day but after, I had nightmares about falling under the water. Not being able to come up for air. Stuck in the dark while nothing I did could get me to the surface again. Since then, every time I’m deep under the water,  the same terrors come flooding back.”

           “Why is it you did not simply make yourself the potion you offered me?”

           "I figured it was useless by now.“

           "This spell could help remedy it then, if only a bit.” Loki stepped toward me. “Focus on it. You need to see the spell clearly for it to work. Granted it only lasts a certain number of minutes depending on you. If you get frantic then it will not cast. First, I need you to get into the water and calm yourself.”

            “I don’t know about this…I don’t think I…can…” I confessed slowly.

            “Why?”

            “I just can’t,” I curled my arms into my chest.

            “No. Admit it.”

            “I don’t… No, I just can’t,” I jolted when Loki suddenly grabbed my arms and held me backwards. Shaken, I had to fight the cry that wanted to leave my mouth as my body was leaned over the water, my feet brushing the edge. I latched onto Loki’s arms, afraid he’d drop me back and into it. “Please!”

            “Why can’t you do this? Admit it now.” He asked calmly and I caved.

            “I’m afraid!” I shut my eyes, shaking. Loki hushed me, still firmly holding my body.

            “I’ll not let go. You must put your trust in me. Not into your fear. Look at me,” the prince waited until I opened my eyes, letting out a shuddered breath. I could feel the water brushing the back of my dress at the very bottom. Carefully, Loki pulled me toward him and I shifted into his body more. “Do you trust me? Can you trust yourself, if for only a few moments?”

            “Yes,” I whispered, nodding to affirm it.

            “Come,” Loki beckoned for me to follow him to a deeper and more open part of the lake, trees rustled as the wind swept past softly. He waved his hand, his clothes fading to something simpler that he could get into the water in. I only pulled the outer layer of my dress off and left it in the grass, inhaling sharply before I let out the breath softly and kicked my shoes off. Loki had sat on the edge to ease himself in and I stood there a moment before he was bracing himself on the side and holding out his free hand to me. There was a beat before I kneeled down and took his hand firmly, allowing my legs to slip into the cool water. Trembling, I permitted Loki to guide me in as my heart began to pound harder and the water was to my chest. I felt like I was suffocating already and gasped, my arms latching around his shoulders. He wrapped an arm around my waist. Not able to touch the floor, I floated with him a moment, my breathing sporadic. “Shh, take time to relax yourself. Breath slower with me.” I closed my eyes tightly as the water moved around us and buried my face into his neck.

            “Loki,” I whimpered, shaken.

            “I am here. I have you,” came his comforting words and I tried to set myself at ease, taking slower breaths before I moved to look back up at him. Loki didn’t appear to be annoyed or judgmental, which calmed me a bit even more as he remained patient.

            “I…I’m okay,” I focused on my breathing and his arms around me so the prince nodded.

            “Focus on the spell with me and I’ll bring us under,” his voice was soft and even. “Know that I will keep us under until I believe you really cannot handle it anymore. Trust that I know your limits.” I closed my eyes again, breathed carefully, and opened them. Glancing up at the moon, I spoke.

            “Do it,” I nodded slowly, concentrating. Taking in a final gulp of air, Loki pulled us under and darkness engulfed me. Initially, my first reaction was to panic, which I did but Loki held me with ease. I kicked a little to get away but his grip was like steel.  _Trust him_ , I told myself.  _Trust yourself_. I opened my eyes and made out the blur as I adjusted, trying to concentrate but nothing worked yet and my lungs burned, my body was desperate to resurface but Loki wasn’t letting me. Starting to push against him, I shook my head furiously, panicking more. Something lit up and I realized Loki was emitting light from his hand, the green light illuminated his face and some of my fear melted away. He looked to already have a handle on the spell. I focused on the light and felt comforted by it. He shifted, his arm leaving me but he grabbed my hand in his before I could panic further, our finger laced. I lifted my free hand and lit up the area more. My lungs heaved and I expected water to enter them but it didn’t.  _I’m…oh god._  I was breathing. I did it. My clothes and hair floated around me as I smiled, the spell working and Loki nodded before he gestured for us to go up. Kicking my legs, we both resurfaced and I spat out the excess water. “I did it! I… Gods, I did it.” I shook my head to get my wet hair away from my face as I held onto Loki with one hand, the light in my other going out but he kept his illuminated to better see everything.

            “You have stopped shaking,” he observed and I smiled, excited before I dove for him, my arms going around his shoulders. We went back under together, the spell doing the work. In the light, I could see his face while I moved his black hair from it. Not resisting the urge, I kissed him as we floated gracefully under the water together and for the first time here I felt peace fill me up.

** ** **

            “Have you traveled much to the other realms? You left a few times when we were barely teens.” I asked idly, wrapped up in a large towel. We huddled together in the grass after a while of practicing. Loki had changed his clothes with magic but I didn’t put my outer dress layer back on yet. We relaxed on the soft ground to watch the stars above and I sighed, content.

           “A few of them, as you know. But, not as much as I would have liked to. I mostly have seen a lot of Vanaheim..”

           “Yes, I remember that. You and Thor were gone for a few weeks.  Hogun must have enjoyed it, seeing his family again.”

           “Their architecture is a marvel. I still remember those talks of marriage.”

            “That was rough for you and for Thor. You can’t go off and get married without me,” I chuckled with him for a moment.

            “Mother would never allow it now. Though, if Thor does not find a wife when he becomes king, one day he could find himself in that situation. It is hard to picture him in such a thing.”

            “Do you want the throne?” I asked reluctantly, my head pressed against his shoulder.

            “Somehow it has always belonged to Thor,” came the most truthful answer Loki could think of. It sounded like something he’d tried to accept. He was talented in deception.

            “You will be at his side as his adviser and you both will make great leaders for Asgard. No more Elders. Open courts. Thor needs you.”

            “Tell me something I do not know,” he laughed and I smiled up at the sky. "I know father's faith in his Elders has weaned. The old ways have died."

            “You need Thor too,” I spoke and he didn’t reply as I said something else. “That spell you found. It means a lot to me… Doing this was thoughtful of you.”

            “We all must face our fears at some point,” Loki muttered softly, his voice distant, and I nodded. “If you’ve anymore nightmares, you will tell me.” I didn’t answer and we watched the sky quietly for a moment before I shivered, holding my towel around my damp body.

          “I’m cold.” I sat up.

          “It is not very cold.”

          “The cold  _never_  gets to you, I don’t get it because I’m bigger, I should be warmer now.” I watched him smirk and shrug. “Suppose we should go in. I’m bound by the deal to be in your room six more nights after this.” I wondered why he’d picked such a silly thing to bargain with as I’d spent so many nights in his room. Maybe he just wanted to be sure I was near him for a while.

          “I would most definitely not forget that,” the prince stood and took my hand to help me up. I tucked some wet hair behind my ear. “The night is still young.”

** ** **

          Back in Loki’s room, I watched him lock the door and start a fire to heat up the area a bit for me. “Being as we are in my chambers once, you know of course that you’re back under my rule.” I scoffed lightly at his play.

            “Tell me,  _my prince_ , whatever do you want?” I bowed, smiling lightly.

            “Your prince requires a bath drawn so we can get cleaned up,” he mused, watching me and I shifted, biting my lip.

            “As  _my prince_  commands,” I giggled lightly and turned to go into his bathroom, kneeling by the huge tub in the floor. Turning the faucet, I watched water fill the area and shifted when I felt Loki gazing at me from the doorway. Idly, I tried to smooth my messy hair down, not turning to look at him. I added scented oils to the warm water before I finished up and turned off the faucet. Slowly, I gazed back at Loki when he opened his mouth to speak before I cut over him, blurting out my thoughts. “Can I undress you?” I pressed my lips together and he faltered a little, eyebrows quirking up.

            “That will take you too long,” a smirk quickly covered his expression but I shrugged.

            “You’ve never let me really undress you.”

            “I’ve not let anyone do it.”

            “Well, I want to,” I stood reluctantly and he moved toward me. Reaching up, I met his gaze as I started undoing buckles. Putting my focus on the many ties and clasps, I could feel him watching me intently while I worked. My fingers fumbled and I pushed the outer layer down his shoulders slowly before it fell. I undid the next layer in the same fashion, clothes falling until I looked into his eyes and pulled the undershirt over his head. Pausing, I let my fingertips skim over the contours of his torso and downward to follow the light trail of hair that disappeared under his trousers. My lips parted with a breath before I locked my eyes on his once more. Loki watched me kneel at his feet, his stomach twitched when he felt my soft exhale against it. I began to unlace his pants, pausing to pull his boots off first before I hooked my fingers into the garments sitting around his hips. I pulled them down, my eyes still trained on Loki’s as he stepped out of them and was standing nude in front of me. Gods, he was always so beautiful. No matter how many times I saw his pale body fully bare, I couldn’t help trailing my eyes along his form. I felt more intrigue than sexual excitement. The soft and sharp angles always struck me and I wanted to get to know each one. I felt Loki’s fingers under my chin, compelling me to gaze back up at his face and stand.

            “Turn,” he purred and I did so as his fingers got to work, undoing the rest of my dress. His hands slid under the fabric over my shoulders to slip it down. I shivered as his cool hands traced across my skin, peeling off layers as he went down like he was unwrapping a present. Idle lips touched my hip and I caught my breath, my arms curling against my bare chest. I stepped out of my clothes when he was finished and got into the bath, the warm water already soothing me. Sitting down, the water came to my collar and I faced him, smiling.

          “Come here,” I held up one hand and curled my fingers, beckoning him over. Loki got in; eager hands took me by the hips and pulled me toward him playfully as he sat back. I moved so I was straddling his legs and settled my hands on his chest. Leaning in, I watched Loki smirk before his hand shifted under my jaw, making me pause.

           “The point of a bath is to clean oneself.” He murmured softly. My lip quivered, I hated and loved that he was so good at this. Meanwhile, I often felt like fish struggling to swim. It was difficult for me to adjust suddenly to being with someone so sexual, but Loki was good to and with me. Something within me did enjoy  _pushing_  him. I’ve always had this habit of pressing buttons just to see what would happen. I think he did as well. I wanted him to press all of mine at once.

            “Better?” I’d picked up a cloth and scrubbed it against his chest lightly with soap. Loki chuckled, relaxing with his arms on either side of the tub as he watched me wash him.

            “Much,” his eyes trailed over my face. Squeezing the rag out, I slipped it under the water and over his thigh but he grasped my wrist. “You are trying to tease me.”

            “ _Succeeding_ ,” I corrected him and he hummed, sliding his hands to my waist to move me off of him.

            “Why is it you start so many games that I excel at?” He whispered, picking up some more soap and another rag. Deft hands made quick work of rubbing against my shoulders and my eyes rolled back a little. “Always pushing me.” I hummed in response while his hands traced over my skin and he got behind me.

            “As if you don’t do the same,” I muttered as Loki lathered something into my hair and dipped my head back to wash it out. I about moaned, his fingers shifted through my locks before I held myself together and ran my hand through his hair after. We took turns; he’d wash me and I’d do the same for him. It felt like we were worshiping each other’s bodies and had to be one of the most erotic things we’d done in a while. I ran my hands into his hair again once I’d rinsed it and pressed a kiss into his shoulder, my tongue flicking over the wet skin as I stayed behind him and slid my hands along his flesh. Loki turned his head when I shifted up and I nudged my forehead into his, exhaling against his lips. We drank each other in for a moment. Affection surged up my torso, warming my chest. My hand traced down Loki’s jaw and neck. The prince breathed slowly for a moment before he uttered the words that made my heart soar.

            “ _Can I keep you, sweetheart_?” Emotion flooded me and I only nodded against him, my lip trembled slightly. Pulling away finally, we finished up and I drained the tub, taking his hand before I tugged him out with me. I picked up a towel and began drying him off myself, earning a chuckle. Loki sighed out. I ruffled it through his hair and worked the soft fabric down one arm and then the other. I dried his torso and moved around him to do the same to his back before I got in front of him once more. Glancing down, I realized he was partially aroused before I kneeled to dry his legs wordlessly and then wrapped the towel around his waist. Standing, I allowed Loki to gently squeeze my long, wet hair into a towel before he dried off my shoulders and continued, returning the favor. I braced myself against the counter as he moved one of my legs up to run the towel along it before he did the same with the other. Loki paused, pressing his lips to my lower thigh when his hands held my calf and I let out a breathless sigh. I moved my arms when he stood to wrap the towel around my torso and secure it in place. For a moment, we looked at each other before I took his hands in mine again and pulled him out into his room with me. The fire was still going and I watched him search my face.

            “What does my prince require now?” I asked, playful now and Loki tilted his head at me. Thinking about it for a moment, I could feel heat fill my lower stomach. I pressed my legs together and his lip curled upward.

            “I believe you desire something as well,” he tilted his head.  _Not sure if desire is something you should put with me._  “You can tell me anything. You know this, yes?” I could have groaned. Loki neared me until my legs pressed against the bed behind me with his form keeping me in place. My knees shook when his fingers trailed up my thigh, just brushing the bottom of the towel. “Just  _ask_ ,” lips grew close to me and he licked them causing me to part mine. His free hand took my chin lightly as he held me in place, fingers now moving along the skin of my inner thigh. Without thinking, I tugged my towel off and let it fall to the floor. The flames in the fireplace played off my skin. Loki took my jaw more firmly, angling my head so our bottom lips barely brushed when he whispered. “Just ask,  _sweetheart._ ”

            “ _Please_ …” I breathed against him, the need crawling under my skin and I felt his arousal already prodding against me through the towel. The thought of another being desiring me so was one that always sent me reeling. The way his body reacted to mine and mine to his. Not only did I have a deep emotional connection but, I had someone to play with and cherish in a way that was growing more and more right for both of us. Swallowing, I touched his torso gently but he  _tsked_  at me.

            “Hands down.” Shaken, I did as he said, clenching my fists when his hand grew dangerously closer up my thighs, fingers rubbing circles into the warm skin. “Now, ask.”

            “Loki…” I whined, my hips shifting, almost eagerly and my voice was near inaudible. _“Touch me._ ” He growled low in his throat as his lips surged against mine hard, every bit of need radiating to the forefront. His body shook with lust and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. To hell with me feeling off about my desires for him this night, I just enjoyed being pleasured by him and I enjoyed giving him that in return. The hand left my thigh and I didn’t have time to protest as he took me by the hips and lifted me. Shifting, Loki broke the kiss and our eyes locked. He brought me back to the middle of the bed with him, lying me down. Yanking the towel from his waist, Loki tossed it aside and I sat up to grasp his hips when he stood on his knees between my parted legs. Exhaling against his taut skin, I heard his breath hitch completely for me. I traced the perfect lines of his hips before I glanced up at him watching me and let one hand slide to his cock, standing hard between his toned thighs. Furrowing his brow, Loki’s eyes flooded with desire and his mouth opened with a silent gasp. I pumped his shaft in one hand. My thumb brush over his tip, smearing arousal around the head before I leaned in to close my lips around him. Loki’s head tipped back with a moan and I felt his legs tremble.

            “ _Ngh-No_ ,” his hand latched onto my wrist before I could continue and I pulled back, confused. Loki appeared to get a handle on himself again and I realized he wanted control right now. “Lie back,” he ordered and I exhaled, doing so with my hands by my head. Loki gazed at my body for a moment and I shifted, my thighs moving together a bit before he settled his hands on my knees to stop them. “You have such a profound effect on me,” cool hands inched up my skin and I felt my body flush when his eyes trailed between my legs, “you know this, yes? It could perhaps be deadly.” 

            “I’m beginning to,” I bit my lip. “But, you are completely in tune with the effect you have on others. Especially me. Which I think…is more deadly.”

            “We shall see then,” he leaned over instantly to press his lips to mine and I held his shoulders tightly when his hands squeezed at my thighs. Loki was quick to trail his lips down my jaw and neck, his teeth bit into my skin and I arched as he found a spot to close his mouth around and suck. He slowed and pressed a softer kiss to the area. I closed my eyes, my hand grasping at his hair to coax him on. Wanting him to leave marks that I could observe the next morning as if I was remembering a fond memory. I tilted my head back and Loki attacked the offered skin with his mouth, tongue slipping out to trace shapes after each gentle nip.

            “Loki…” my body arched a little when he took one of my nipples in his mouth, hands running up my heated flesh. My lips parted with a gasp as he cupped my breasts, thumbs toying with the hard buds when goosebumps rose along my arms. One of Loki’s hands slid up to my collar while the other traced downward along my hip. I opened my eyes to see Loki’s smirk. His hand wandered between my legs and I couldn’t hold back my cry when a finger traced down my sensitive clit, just barely touching. We both enjoyed pleasuring each other as we mapped out our bodies together. Stimulation ate away at me and suddenly I was aware that everything ached and cried out for him. My heart pounded and my legs parted more, begging for him to touch me further. Satisfied with my state, Loki obliged, one finger surging past my outer lips and into my wet opening before another followed when he made sure it didn’t cause me discomfort. “ _Oh!_ ” I about burst, grasping Loki’s wrist over my collar and I was sure he could feel my speeding pulse under his hand.

            “For such a clever girl, who acts  _oh so_  tough, you are very easily unhinged,” Loki’s voice was annoyingly calm and he pumped his fingers at a slow pace, curling them just a little and my hips bucked to meet them. I couldn’t speak beyond a whine when his thumb began rubbing small circles into my clit while he worked my body perfectly with tortuous curves. I brought Loki’s free hand up to plant a kiss on his palm while I held it in both of mine. Closing my eyes again as he continued, I kissed his wrist and moaned breathlessly against the pale skin. Loki’s thumb traced across my bottom lip and my tongue brushed against the pad of his finger before I pressed my lips to his palm once more gently, loving the feel of his hands. When I took one of his long fingers in my mouth, I felt Loki stop what he was doing and opened my eyes, realizing that he was watching me with an intrigued expression.

            “ _Hmm_ ,” I lingered my gaze on him, sliding my lips up to release the finger from my mouth and Loki’s lips parted. “I just like your hands,” I whispered in a small voice and a sly smile crossed his lips. Slowly, he leaned over me, bracing himself on one hand as the other hand between my legs moved toward me. Without thinking, I grasped his wrist and took his two wet fingers between my lips that tasted of my arousal. Loki’s green eyes darkened with lust when he pulled his hand away, surging his fingers into my hair to tug at it almost roughly as if to watch my reaction. I whimpered against his lips and he hushed me gently before I felt his hand toying with my tender bud again and I tensed up. “Please…” I sputtered as he held onto my hair, our eyes forced to meet. I was about throbbing and squirmed under his frame but he merely tilted his head. My eyes averted down for just a moment to see him looking almost painfully hard and flooded with need, but Loki put everything into controlling himself to draw out my pleasure longer.

            “Oh? You wish for something again?” Loki’s breathing had picked up and I cried out in response as his fingers rubbed against me until my eyes watered with frustration.

            “ _Need…you_ ,” I choked out, gasping as my fingers grabbed at the sheets under me.

            “Hm?”  The cruel prince teased, his relentless fingers tracing slower circles and I pulled myself together while my thighs quivered. His knees forced them open.

            “I…need you… Please, Loki,” I moaned silently. I sagged a bit when his hand ceased, the one in my hair loosening before he took my face. Nudging my thighs open a bit farther, I felt him position himself and his tip pressed against me. Grabbing under one of my legs to bring it up a bit, his fingers dug into my skin and I tried not to rip at the pillow under my head. Anticipation ate away at me. Loki kissed me, every shred of love and desire flowing into me before he pushed himself inside with one fluid motion. Groaning against my lips, Loki angled my leg up more and I moaned when he buried his shaft deep within me. Not stopping myself, I grabbed to his shoulders as he pulled out and pressed back in, my hips bucked to meet his when he repeated the action, trying to find a pace. “ _Yes!_ ” I moaned in his ear. The prince turned my face to the side to kiss my jaw and neck. Loki came up, both hands moving to hold my legs and he began pumping into me at a quick pace. Pleasure lit up his beautiful features and I relished the sight, arching my back while the angle brought him deeper with every thrust and it felt like I was in Valhalla.

            “ _Ngh_ , you…are…” not able to finish the thought, Loki cursed and moaned my name instead. It sounded divine from his lips in that low baritone of his voice. He drove his hips into mine. I curved to meet his pace with more ease now.  _Hold me. Kiss me. Take me. I’m yours._

            “Loki!” I cried out when my body quaked with pleasure. We moved into each other with such perfect fluidity. “Can we…? I…I want…” I tried to speak through my gasps as his form moved over mine, “to try…being…on top,” I felt him slow at my request and without speaking, Loki took my waist and flipped us over so I was above him. He groaned and we adjusted. The angle caused me to cry out, arching. His shaft stayed deep inside my tight walls. I braced my hands against his chest so he grasped my hips tight. I loved when we experimented during sex, everything was exciting and my blood pumped faster throughout my body.  I got to explore my desires in any way I could. Messy hair fell over my shoulders and he briefly trailed his eyes along my dark locks.

            “You wish to ride me?” Loki teased then and I worked my hips into a small circle, causing him to gasp out with pleasure, his head pressing back into the bed and I giggled softly. Leaning over to kiss him, I parted my lips and allowed his tongue to slide against mine before I sat up a bit to watch his expression. Experimentally, I moved my hips into his once more until he began to buck more desperately, signalling for me to continue and go faster. I got used to the new position and tried to find my own pace. He guided me with ease and grace. I could feel myself growing bolder. Tilting my head back, I blissfully moved above him, taking control while Loki panted and whined under me. “I…cannot- _oh_ …allow this…” I went faster, working him and I was sure his fingers were bruising my hips now.

            “Loki!” I cried out in shock as he suddenly flipped us back over, grasping the headboard to fuck me harder. I writhed under him, breathing quicker as his slick body pounded against mine. “ _Yes! Ah!_ ” I chanted, breathless, my fingers clawing at the blankets around me.

            “You… You’re mine,” he moaned, gritting his teeth. “Tell me…that you are mine.”

          “Yours…” I submitted, my hands running up his torso to grab at him, fingernails digging into skin.

           “ _Louder_ ,” he ordered, green eyes full of so much lust and love.

           “I’m yours!” I gulped for air as he released the headboard when I heard it crack against the wall to take my hips, driving his cock into my wanting body faster. “Loki!” Sparks were igniting within me and I whined aloud. “Close.” I gathered my will and gave another plea. This girl on cloud nine wasn’t fully me. But,  _gods,_  did I want it to be. “ _Harder._ ”

            “Yes,” he obliged, grunting when my fingernails scratched down his shoulders as I held him tighter. He was hitting that spot that made my toes curl and my back arch. The sweet sounds of moans and pants filled the room. “I’m going to come soon,” Loki warned as friction sent pleasure up my spine. Heat pooled within my abdomen when we locked eyes once more.

          “Touch me again,” I pleaded, tears about springing within my eyes as waves of emotion hit me. One of his hands moved to where our bodies joined to rub my raw clit and I about went mad with pleasure at the combined sensations.

          “I want you to…to come with me…” He groaned, on the edge now as he held himself together for me. As a lover, he took such good care of me. I wanted to be that for him.

          “ _Make me come_ , _please…_ ” my voice cracked during my next moan when his fingers worked harder circles into the tender bundle of nerves between my spread legs.

          “ _Let go for me,_   _sweetheart._ ” He gasped out, his voice surrounding me.

          “Loki!  _Oh_!” My eyes rolled back while I unfurled completely. “ _Coming_ …” My voice broke with a cry as my entire body curved from the bed into him. Every muscle tightening up erratically; I clenched around him hard and stars burst within my eyes. Loki groaned my name, his own orgasm shoving itself to the surface when his thrusting became uneven and he shuddered above me. I collapsed, in a daze, and tried to buck my hips against him to draw out his climax when he rode out his spasms, pumping his release into me before he laid his spent body against mine. With Loki breathing hard into my collar, I slid my arms loosely around his neck as we settled; euphoria engulfing us both. The dim light from the fire played off the ceiling above us when I got control of my breath once more, shaken. Loki sat up a little to press his lips to my own; I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment as he set his forehead against mine, the vulnerability that only I was allowed to see very apparent. In truth, I loved this part as much as the sex itself. Running a hand into his hair, I spoke softly while he planted delicate kisses upon my face and neck.

          “ _Can I keep you_?” I smiled when I felt him nod, kissing me once more and the world around us fell away completely. The spent prince pulled himself off of me and I rolled over as he moved to tug the covers over us both. My body was sore so I quickly shifted into his chest, earning a chuckle from him when I crossed my arms over his torso and sat my chin on them, watching him.

        “You are truly breathtaking,” he confessed idly, his hand moving some of my messy hair behind my ear. I smiled, burying my face into his chest when laughter sounded from my throat. “What is it?” He asked, amused and I shook my head, getting comfortable on him.

          “I just… I’m happy…” I settled a hand on him as he leaned up a bit to kiss my hair. I took in his scent and relaxed fully, sleep threatening to set in.

          “As am I,” came his quiet response and I felt fingers tracing down my back. “Get some rest now.” Loki was petting my hair and I could have purred; I felt like I belonged.

          “Sweet dreams, Loki…” Nodding tiredly, I closed my eyes and realized I could hear the sweet sound of his heartbeat. It set me at ease fully and I allowed my body to succumb to sleep minutes later.

** ** **

            The dream engulfed me and I was underwater, frantically kicking my legs to get to the surface but something only pulled me toward the bottom. I tried to breath, tried to scream, tried to fight desperately but nothing. _Not this again. Help me…_ My mind begged. Floating aimlessly, I caught sight of a familiar light and realized it was growing. I gazed up to see Loki’s sharp face, the light emitting from his hand as I treaded to get closer to him. He was standing, calm and still on the seafloor with me. His other hand was outstretched toward me and the moment our fingers met, every fear went away. I could feel myself smiling and I knew I was safe. Loki nodded as I met his green eyes and jolted awake in bed, the dream fading away. Lying back, I exhaled slowly, turning my head to see Loki sleeping, breathing softly, on his back. With his hair tousled and his arms on his stomach, he looked so peaceful. Reluctantly, I moved his arm and got under it to curl back into his chest. I felt him go very still and then shift, exhaling sharply.

            “Hm?” He didn’t open his eyes as I got comfortable back in his arms. “Did you…have a nightmare?” His voice was laced in sleep and I wanted to smile as I shook my head.

            “No, it was a good one this time,” I whispered and felt his hand cup the back of my head, fingers shifting into my hair a bit. Nudging my bare body against his, I sighed and closed my eyes again, planting a small kiss on his collarbone. “Thank you…”

            “Hm?” He muttered.

            “Tell you later,” I breathed, “I’ll need something to talk about while you enjoy your silence today.” I heard him hum softly in response, fingers still in my curls.

            “I’m still considering those  _ten lashes_ ,” Loki mused.

            “They can wait…until the evening in that case,” I was slipping closer to sleep again and he exhaled, entertained.

            “Fair…enough… _sweetheart._ ”

            “I love you, Loki,” I whispered and his arm moved more securely around me. I felt safe with his affection washing over me. Tired, I heard his quiet reply before I fell back asleep.

            “Know that I will always love you as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks !!!


	10. Repressed and Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months later, the Lady has a bad week and their relationship takes an intimate turn. BDSM content ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA to skip 50 Shades of Grey and watch the movie Secretary if you want quality, well written BDSM to a sweet, legit relationship. BDSM won't follow the entire sexual relationship between Loki and the Lady but hints of it leaks into their dynamic at times in these early prompts. Abuse warning and hint at childhood sexual abuse.

           Needless to say, I was having a bad week.

           “What makes you think Loki actually fancies someone like  _you_?” A man had asked while I was alone on a bench, minding my own business. Focusing on my book, I glared at the page.  _Someone like me? A small peasant girl. A nobody. A sad excuse for a warrior._  Millions of insults entered my brain as I interpreted the crass tone and somehow the fact that he'd left it up for me to deduce made it all the worse.  _I didn’t really think that, did I?_  But something about those simple words made my thoughts race and the uncertainty bit into me.  _Someone like me?_  I thought bitterly. This needed to stop.

            “Why don’t you ask him?” I droned then and he seemed annoyed that I’d not looked at him. “How much do the elders pay to drive me from Loki? Hm? Couldn't make the court? Wonder why.”

            “Perhaps parting your legs is easy, Prince Loki could not have passed up the offer.” Those words flared up the anger within me but I controlled myself, careful not to crush the book in my hands and rip him apart. Instead, my lips turned up spitefully and I retorted.

            “Look, I don’t care who you do it for. I get this from men and women who desire him or want Elder favors. A small and annoying few, the healing room and court ladies drive them away from me. But, I’m sure the Elders benefit your service. Even those among us without skill find our way.”

            “You stupid-”

            “Do you really think it intelligent to antagonize a fellow warrior of Asgard?” A familiar voice cut in and I glanced up to see Sif, standing tall and the man noticeably shrunk away. To be perfectly honest, most people feared her. I loved that Sif knew it as well.

            “Now, Sif, I don’t need you to protect me.” I gestured to the asshole. “He was just on his way back to his home in the stables. I pity the horses for having to share with such an animal.” The man looked aghast but made no move to advance on me when Sif took a threatening step toward him.

            “Be on your way,” Sif’s glare even made me lean away as he shuffled backwards and hurried away from us. Her face noticeably brightened before she approached me. “You appear much more accustomed to dealing with that than you should.” Closing my book, I crossed my legs on the bench when she watched me. The light wind blew through my clothes as I exhaled and spoke.

            “Suppose I am,” I replied. “Wasn’t the first and it will not be the last. Damn Elders. Yesterday, someone cornered me in a pub, telling me I could never please Loki truly. The day before, another man tried to seduce me and last week, a lady gave me a similar speech. What's funny is that I know they're not former lovers or friends, they're just well paid. I know many of Loki's old loves and they're great. I'm friends with a few on the court, much to his fear. I know it's the Council, no one in their right mind would actually bother with me. This is nonsense. The King and Queen keep stopping it, but Erikur persists. I know he has the most issue.”

            “That was not a man, that was a vile creature,” Sif offered simply and I gave her a slight smile. “While I am sure you do not wish to cause trouble, if they advance, you’ve permission to.”

            “Thanks for that, I’ll keep it in mind,” I laughed lightly. “It’s nothing really. Elders don’t want prized Prince Loki courting a poor warrior so publically.”

            “You have been distracted on the training grounds for the past few days and today, you do not show up at all.”

            “Suppose that I’m trying to clear my head some. We all have those days.” I stood. “Except Thor. I should ask him his secret.”  _Maybe Thor was better at hiding it._  We both laughed a bit before she nodded. “I don’t want to keep you from your training,” I added, “I need to leave soon anyhow. I’m going back to visit my family for a while before my lesson with Loki.”

            “Of course. Take what time you need,” Sif advised and I nodded. “Come back to training when you can.”

            “You miss me, my friend?” I smiled and she let out a laugh.

            “Between Volstagg and Fandral whining, Hogun’s silence, and the prince’s bickering alone; yes, I rather do.”

            “You’ve a better handle on them than I,” I joked. “I’ll likely be training again tomorrow no matter what,” I promised.

            “If you wish, I can take care of Loki’s irritating following of empty-headed creatures?” Sif smirked and I grinned in return.

            “That is kind of you but I want to scare them away, not destroy or traumatize them.” I chuckled slightly and she looked amused.

            “Very well,” she spoke, shrugging, “I suppose I should wish you much  _luck_  with your…blood relatives.” Sif clearly hated them after finding out their intentions with Thor, which I understood. It was fair.

            “That is very much appreciated. They've invited me and they pushed more since Loki and I went public. I... Well, since I've moved, maybe the time away could...be good for us both. Perhaps, I have a chance to mend some things. I’m likely making a big mistake.”

            “I am glad that I did not need to tell you that,” came her response. My smile was small but genuine. I adored Sif. “Do not stay long, for your sake.”

            “I don’t plan to.”

** ** **

            Yes, my week was indeed going to get worse.

            Regret swirled. I could tell by my parent’s expressions the moment I walked in. I’d not seen them in person since moving. Always putting it off or saying I was too busy with work in the palace and training in my letters. Loki wasn’t going to be happy I went. I’m already unhappy I went. The conversation was forced to be cordial and I waited for who would crack first. It was my father when he finally blurted.

            “What do you think you’re doing?” Exhaling, I tilted my head at them both across the table. Surely, I was in control now. Surely, they held no power over me. _Surely._

            “With what?”

            “With  _him_?”

            “His name is Loki,” I clasped my hands on my lap. “And I don’t think I-”

            “You are not serious about-”

            “Do I appear to be joking, father?”

            “Why is it you think you care for  _him_? Are you trying to upset us further? Trying to rebel? What have we done to you to deserve this. These feeling are-”

            “That is something you will  _never_  understand… Either of you.” My voice was both cold and passionate and for just a moment, I felt above them.

            “We are simply worried about you, dear,” my mother added gingerly. “The younger prince simply is not the right match for you. He doesn't court. You are just a phase to him. You could do so well. People around the village...they're gossiping about it. You wouldn't embarrass us on purpose, would you? You've taken this far but, end things. Do it soon before he does.”

            “That is not for you to say,” I added calmly. “Neither of you know him. Or me.”

            “Damn it!” My father hit the table and my gaze hardened. “If you think for a moment that we will give consent to this-!”

            “Loki is a royal prince and I am under the palace’s protection! It is not in your hands anymore!” I stood and my father was quick to follow.

            “We just want you to be so very  _happy_ ,” my mother stood between us to defuse the tension.

            “No, you both wish to force me with Thor and be Queen. I don’t want this! Any of this! I thought I could change things...I was wrong.”

            “We know what is best and you will continue to do as-”

            “No! My life is mine! Just mine to do with what I please. For years, I have tried to do all you ever asked, mother, but  _nothing_ …” My face felt hot as my emotions swirled within my stomach and I was annoyed with myself before I got control again. “I’m leaving and neither of you have to see me again as I know I’m such a  _disappointment_.”

            “You could be so happy,” my mother took my arm. “You must listen to us, sweetie. Be good. Pretend. Pretend until you believe it. Put your feelings aside and you’ll see that if you were to marry Thor-”

            “You’ve  _always_  told me to put my feelings aside and I wish I could tell you how awful that is to ask of me…I wish I could tell you what it did and…and how much I lost but I don’t think I’ve the time. And I’m not going to waste my time with this anymore. I’ll never be Queen. I’ll never leave Loki because you wish me to. And I’ll never be your perfect little daughter.”

            “After all I’ve done!” My mother was crying pathetically and I hated how her defense was to play the victim without care for anyone else. “You’re just like the young prince. Just as… _abnormal_. You’ve been nothing but trouble, just like him. You don't know what I sacrificed to have you. To keep you. I’ve done so much-”

            “You won't have to sacrifice anymore. You didn't have to have me or keep me. Goodbye.” I was turning to go down the hallway. My mother resorted to comparing me to someone she hated. The stung. But, if they wanted to compare me to Loki,  _fine_ , I would be proud of that. My father’s footsteps echoed behind me as I got to the door and he grabbed my arm to jerk me back. I gave him a warning look, lifting my free hand to do magic. “If you don’t let me go, I’ll-!”  _Smack._ The rough slap vibrated against my cheek and radiated down my body. It was hard enough to snap my head to the side and a metallic taste flooded my mouth. The pain didn’t set in until I looked back up at my father and somehow I felt like I was a little girl again. I could have fought him, made him beg my forgiveness. I could have killed him and brought this entire house down into rubble. I could have yelled and screamed and torn everything apart until only ashes were left. But, I just could not move. I could not think. I was simply frozen within a small, insignificant speck of time. 

            "You...You're not my daughter." Father pressed his entire body against mine. I wheezed against the wall with wide eyes. "You never appreciated me. Ever. Never warmed when I held you so tight. Never responded. I tried. I tried so hard with you. I tried so hard to make you my little girl." Alcohol was on his breath. My mother forced her fists against her lips at the end of the hall and merely shook her head, hurrying away. She didn't try to save me. Not when I needed her. "I tried to teach you things. I tried to connect. But, you pretended you didn't want it." My body was rigid. His fingers dug deep into my skin and pulled something bleak to the surface. "I know you wanted it all. I know it. You were so...odd. Not right in the head. I worked for years to set you straight while you drifted away from me in the clouds." I wanted to speak. To scream. But, his legs wedged against mine and my whole soul came apart. I just wanted closure and yet, here was was too afraid to take it. Too afraid of what his words could have meant. "You'll realize one day, what you do to people. You're disgusting. Do not come back here unless you are willing to listen for once.”

            He’d pushed me out the door after and I stumbled, falling to my knees on the dirt. The door slammed behind me and I noticed no one else was around. Still in a state of shock, I sat there a moment. I thought about his words and realized then that I would never come back here. Funny, I was listening for once. They’d taken me for granted and dragged me through the mud selfishly. Now, I’d learned. And now I’d just give myself to someone who deserved it. Someone who could give all as I gave all. Standing, I spit on the doorstep and saw a flash of red before I looked up at the calm sky as it mocked me.

            “Let’s keep this one between us, Heimdall,” I whispered distantly, kicking the potted plant over. I began to walk finally to get my head together, I still had much time before I needed to meet Loki.  Nearing a forested area, I picked up the pace. And then I began to run until my body begged me to stop. Until my father's touch left my skin. Then, I ran more.

            My week was not looking up.

** ** **

            “I’m going to be late,” I muttered to myself in the bathroom. After a much needed bath, I found that I was too shaken and unfocused to concentrate on healing my swelling, bruised cheek and cut lip. Though cleaned up, I still felt like a complete mess. Taking a slow breath, I exhaled, shaking harder, and decided to have a servant give a quick note to Loki. There was no way I was going to the lesson. Coming up with an excuse that he wouldn’t question took me forever but the letter was off and I moved back into the bathroom. I wanted to peel all the skin off that my father touched. Memories of his body pressed against mine flashed and I shook them aside. This wasn't real. I was imagining things. It couldn't be real. Within two minutes, I got my answer in the form of an angry prince banging on my bedroom door. Gasping, I locked the bathroom with a wave of my hand when I heard him barge in and call my name.

            “I know you’re in there! You wait until the last minute to send me this without-”

            “Loki, I have never once skipped out on a lesson but today, I…I just can’t. Alright?” I called back, furiously trying to concentrate on my wounded face but my body wasn’t allowing it.  _Come on._

            “No! It is not alright! You may think that you can prance off but I put my time and effort into our lessons, and I will not-”

            “Loki!” I about screamed. “Not today! I’ll explain later but I can’t-”

            “This is our time! Our lesson that we both agreed to and you will not toss it aside after giving me your word. What are you doing in there? Tell me what is going on!”

            “I can’t think when you shout at me!” Hot tears were already pouring down my face and I grabbed at my hair, scratching my fingers over my scalp as my fury grew. “I…I can’t…” It felt like hot flames were licking at my stomach. Purging my lungs. My hands shook erratically as I moved to grasp the sink, breathing in quick gasps and I realized I wanted nothing more than to open up my skin to make it all go away. I closed my eyes tightly and held myself. _No, not again._  I grabbed my arms and held myself, fingers digging into my skin. “Go away, Loki!” Both, in the mood and not in the mood for a fight, I called to him on the other side, knowing he wouldn’t leave.

            “If you think you are fooling me for a second-”

            “If you want to talk to me, you’re going to have to break down the damn door and-!” In an instant, a blast of light and energy sent the door into the wall and smoke was floating at Loki’s feet. Enraged, he watched me a moment and I realized my face wasn’t healed.

          “Who did  _that_?” He looked upset. “Tell me this instant!”

           “ _Get out_!” I shrilled suddenly and my magic tossed bottles around without warning. I fell to my knees in front of the mirror. “Go!” There was a moment when Loki’s eyebrow’s quirked up at me as I breathed heavily on the floor.

            “What have you done to yourself?” It was then that I realized he wasn’t looking at my face anymore. Following his gaze, I saw four lightly bleeding scratch marks on my arm that I didn’t register until now that matched four bloodied fingernails on my opposite hand.

            “I…I didn’t…” Awed and scared, my bottom lip quivered and I looked up at Loki again realizing I’d likely tell him everything. “I…I’m having an awful week.”

** ** **

            “You’re still upset,” I spoke on the second floor of the library a while later after he’d healed me.

            “Do not-”

            “I am upset at myself too, so don’t worry.” I paused. “We’re on the same page.” My bad attempt at humor didn’t help either of us. I was still irritable and shaken, my body crying out for something I couldn’t figure. Loki was using magic to set a large stack of books away one by one while I sat on the counter of a bookshelf near him. Luckily, the grand room was empty right now.

            “You are in pain and you will not allow me to take just action against your guardians for what occurred. You told me once that you’ve let go but, you must continue to if you wish to make any progress. You must let go of this now. I know you keep things from me and I understand. But, I know enough. I do. They cannot get away with this. No more.”

            “I don’t think I know how,” I had my hands clasped tightly together in my lap as he worked, glancing back at me.

            “Of them?”

            “No…Not them, leave them be.” I paused. “Something inside me is… I feel like I’m tangled in a spider’s damn web. He said...ugly things to me. I keep trying to search my memories...for the reason. Why does he hate me so? Why? But, I'm scared of what's going to come up.”

            “Do you wish to hurt yourself again?”

            “It was an accident,” I persisted.

            “You did not answer my question.”

            “Sometimes I can’t stop myself from thinking about it.” Was all I offered before I heard him exhale calmly. For just a second when his eyes flickered to me, I saw this desperation cross his features but he’d looked away just as fast. I wasn’t sure if I was guilt ridden or comforted by it.

            “The feeling you receive after, is it similar to being freed of the web?”

            “I suppose that it was, in a sense,” I muttered. Often, I felt so close to tears and I had no idea why but I couldn’t always just take that final step. Give in and release everything. It was as if I’d blocked it off for so long, I didn’t know how to truly let go. To give up the control and allow myself true and complete solace. As I watched Loki’s back, I realized it was somehow him. He knew how to push me toward that step. He was the only person who could help me let go and let it all out. I wondered for a moment, if he was aware of that fact.  _But, how could I…_ Stilling my thoughts, I didn’t know how to ask, what to ask for, what I was even doing. I had so much pent up emotion. So much frustration that was tearing at my insides. So, instead of thinking, I acted and did the first thing that came to mind. Not waiting for him to speak, I channeled something he’d done in the past and leaned over to knock the first book in his stack off. It tumbled to the floor and Loki turned to see me watching him.

            “There are better ways to get my attention.” He smirked lightly and I knocked the second book off, causing him to pause. “Enough.” The third went and Loki didn’t appear too annoyed. Instead, he tilted his head at me, narrowing his gaze like a hawk would before swooping down. “Just what are you doing,  _sweetheart_?”

            “Oh. I need to repeat myself.” With a forceful swipe, the rest of the books went. Loki and I didn’t break eye contact when they all fell with collective thuds. I stretched out my fingers and slowly closed my fist, clasping my hands again.

            “As  _cute_  as that is, pick them up so we can finish here,” Loki turned and my next word caused his gaze to snap back to my face.

            “ _No_.”

            “What did you say?” Baring his teeth, I could still see the trace smirk as he leered at me. He was playing into this too.

            “I think you heard me,” my voice wavered as I watched him forcefully. "Do something about it, my prince." Loki was a dominant person by nature, and something about pushing that was…exciting. He drew closer to me and every step sent a shiver down my spine. Not knowing what I was in for, I stayed in place until he set both hands on either side of me. Loki flashed a slow, knowing smile and my heart pounded in my chest.

            “Pick up the clutter you caused, you’ve been acting out all day and we need to continue our conversation,” he offered and without looking away from his bright green eyes, I swallowed the lump in my throat before picking a random book from the shelf to drop into the pile. “Is that so?”

            “Yes.”

            “Pick it up.”

            “Nope.” When I swatted another few books, he grabbed my wrist and pointed with his free hand, most of the amusement gone.

            “ _Do it_.” He growled lowly and I knew he was playing along fully now.

            “ _No_! Make me.” In a swift motion, Loki grabbed my waist and yanked me from the counter. Gasping, I all but struggled, more curious and nervous and  _gods_  I think I was excited. Half-dragging me over to a table, Loki sat down and grabbed me by the arm to pull me down over his lap. Shocked, I barely moved, my mouth dropping. One arm pressed against my back as he held me to him while his over hand latched onto my hip to keep me in place. This was new.

            “Acting like an unruly little nymph, I will treat you as such…” It was when Loki’s broad hand came down against my bottom, did we both pause. The smack drove me into his lap hard and my awe grew. My breath caught and I dared to glance back up at him. His lips parted and his hand came down again. I gasped out when the sting shot up my spine. Something flooded my stomach and Loki repeated the action and then didn’t stop. Smacking me again and again in powerful, fluid hits. One of my hands grasped the chair leg as I was driven into his lap harder with each strike. Loki’s other hand dug into my waist while he held me on his lap and my free hand moved over his. I felt him falter when our fingers laced and he smacked me once more with enough power to make me cry out. Both panting, we sagged a little as the world came flooding back.  I felt his forehead touch my shoulder blade and relaxed before he sat up in an instant. With Loki’s help, I stood on shaking legs with him following. He was staring to the side, his gaze anywhere but on me so I spoke.

            “…Loki?” I stepped forward but he stepped backwards and I didn’t dare to move again, wrapping my arms around myself. I wished he held me instead.

            “Clean the mess,” he waved his hand distractedly and turned as I stood there, watching him go. I touched my bottom a moment and felt the tender skin under my clothing. Between my legs was warm with arousal. Staring at the door, I realized then that I was the most peaceful I’d been in a while.

** ** **

            “Come in,” Loki had called twenty minutes later before I even had a chance to knock. Carefully, I opened the door and shuffled in. He was sitting at his desk, shoulders slumped with his hands in his lap. A fire flickered and as I looked at his profile, I found myself struck by his beauty and wondered how often he had moments like this with me. “I do not know what came over me. That play was… No, I should not-”

            “Have you ever done that to anyone else?” I cut over him quietly. We’d joked about this, but now it was suddenly real and neither of us knew how to react yet.

            “Not in that fashion, you bring something out of me that I cannot begin to describe. You wanted that.”

            “Yes. We’re on the same page again,” the side of my lip barely twitched up when Loki glanced up at me. He lifted his hand, beckoning me with his fingers and I crossed the room.

            “I hurt you,” he stated, his hand finding mine. “I’m disgusting.”

            “No…” Quickly, I protested. “No, you’re not. Not one bit. What we did… It was… It was different.”

            “How?” He breathed.

            “I…I liked it,” my voice was so tiny, I hoped he’d heard but Loki was staring at me with an expression I couldn’t read. “I think it…helped. I wanted you to do it.”

            “Go on.”

            “When, we have sex…sometimes…” I shifted my feet, still holding his hand as my gaze lowered. “Sometimes we get rough and I like falling…into your arms after. I feel…safe. I trust you and we…we have the power to give that sort of thing to the other. I can give you control sometimes…and you…do the same. We push each other to do better. We…help each other let go, which is something that I often find myself unable to do. I'd like to do it on my own but, I'm working on that.”

            “I have never given control to another before,” Loki spoke. “And I have not let anyone push me as you have. I like when you do it. I like when you hold me after and I covet holding you in return.” Bashfully, I flickered my gaze to him before quickly looking elsewhere.

            “What you did… Can you… Can we…?” Not sure how to just ask, I huffed a little and released his hand to fiddle with the end of my shirt.

            “Yes?” His green eyes were searching me with ease.

            “I need…”

           “Take your time,” Loki stated. “We are in no rush.”

            “You know what I want, Loki…” I tried but he shook his head, smirking a bit.

            “Yes, I do.” He slid his chair out to face me. “Last time, you pushed me to it. Now you will ask.”

            “I want to try…it again.”

            “Try  _what_ , sweetheart?” Loki beckoned me closer and I finally kneeled in front of his legs, settling my hands on his knees. “Tell me exactly what you desire.” Slowly, he touched my chin and compelled me to look up at him. I licked my lips, exhaling before I spoke evenly.

            “I want…you to spank me again, Loki.” Came my plea. “Don’t…stop until I…I…”

            “You can trust me to stop when you reach that point.” He offered. I slid back a little when he stood, eyes still locked on mine. When he curled a finger, I stood up and slowly he traced a line down my cheek before cradling my jaw. “However, I am completely serious when I say that if you wish to stop at any given time. You will say the word  _stop_. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”

            “Yes…I promise.” I nodded and he searched my face another moment before deciding to continue.

            “Undress yourself and bend over that side of the desk.  _Now_ ,” his tone seared into me and I couldn’t move fast enough to round the desk as he sat back down to watch me. I yanked my shirt off and unlaced my pants, my pulse already picking up. I could feel Loki’s eyes on me as I stripped down and I’ve suddenly never felt so exposed. Forcing my gaze to his, I bent over and braced myself against the desk. There was a beat before Loki stood up as I realized he’d conjured up a belt and my stomach twisted.

            “Wait,” I breathed and he paused to look at me as I stared at the item in his hands. Summoning up the courage, I swallowed again and spoke. “Please…don’t… No belts…” I lowered my head, afraid he was disappointed. “We can’t use that. Anything else…”

            “Then we shall not use it at all,” Loki soothed, touching my chin to lock our gazes and I realized he understood. “It was good of you to voice your thoughts. That is what I want from you. I am not in control, you are. You set the limits and I obey. Will this suffice?” Eyeing a leather paddle now in his hand, I nodded slowly and he got behind me. I felt his hand touch the small of my back, finger skimming across my skin before he slid the leather against my bottom. “Ready?”

            “Yes,” I shifted. “I’m ready-ah!”  _Twack_! The sting already caused me to arch as the slight soreness from earlier flooded back and he smacked me again. He paused, waiting for me to nod before he continued. Clenching my hands into fists, Loki’s hand left me and I stared down at the wooden desk before he did it again and again at a more fluid pace like earlier. My eyes watered while the relentless smack of the paddle caused my knees to shake and I arched up after about nineteen, whimpering and he paused.

            “If you keep trying to squirm away, it shall not work and I will need to secure you down,” he warned and I barely nodded. Loki’s cool hand shifted over my flesh and down between my legs. His thumb skimmed up just far enough to feel that I was wet. “You can do this, sweetheart. We are getting closer,” affectionately, he moved some hair from my face. I wanted him to keep going, I wasn’t there yet and we both knew that. My skin was heated as he brought the paddle down and I let out a choked whimper after each brutal slap. Tears were falling freely while the pain shot up and down my spine.  _Close_. The next five blows wracked along my skin as Loki kept up a rhythm, finally trusting both himself and me. Small sobs were seeping through the cracks, my body trembled and Loki’s voice coaxed me into a state of security. “I am here.”  _Smack_. “Let it out for me.”  _Smack_. “You are so close.”  _Smack_. “It is alright, sweetheart.”  _Smack._  I let my head rest on my arm. He kept up while I was crying softly, tears leaking and I could feel him watching me closely to make sure it was not too intense. My body was unfurling and I was desperate for this.  _Please._  A final excruciating slap across my bottom made me surrender and I sagged against the wood, sobs tearing from my lungs frantically and Loki halted immediately as a wave crashed into my body and I gave in completely.

            Loki had to grasp me around the waist before I could slide to the ground. Not even registering anything else, I clung to him as he pulled me into his arms and let me weep. Relief washed over me and I didn’t care that I was brokenly sobbing into his collar while he sat on the edge of his bed. Loki allowed me to curl up on his lap as he comforted me with whispers and caresses. 

           “Are you alright?” Still crying, I nodded and managed to get a few words out, babbling as I cried.

            “I’m better… Much better. Thank you… Thank you, Loki,” I chanted quietly, hiccupping a bit as my sobbing turned to small whimpers. An oddly peaceful feeling washed over my body and I went a little limp in his arms. “Thank you…” I whispered, almost in a trance and Loki took my face, studying my state for a moment to make sure I was really alright.

            “Where are you now?” His green eyes flickered over mine and I came back to myself a little.

            “Safe… I… I’m fine…” I felt his thumbs wiping my tears as I sniffled and shifted on his lap so I was straddling him. Still sore, I moved in when I felt his hands slip down to grip my waist. “Loki…” I felt like I was floating, my body unwound, as I got closer and exhaled against his mouth. He drew closer to me and gently kissed my trembling lips. I pressed a little firmly to him and felt him shift back just a little, hesitant for my sake. My fingers skimmed over his torso and down to undo his trousers before I slipped a hand into them. Moaning against my lips, he kneaded at my skin as I pumped him, my thumb rubbing slow circles over his wet tip. Shifting up, I paused to get his trousers down over his thighs and to his knees before taking his length in my hand again. Loki bucked toward me and blood was rushing down my body.

            “You are certain?” Loki was almost disbelieving but I continued and began to press firm kisses to his long neck to show him. Stroking him still, I heard his breath hitch before hands grasped just under my bottom, fingers digging into my sore thighs. Lifting me a bit, he maneuvered my legs around his waist while I stayed seated in his lap. With Loki still mostly clothed, I kissed and nipped at every bit of exposed skin until his arms pulled me closer.

            “Let me…” Trailing off, I instead lifted myself and positioned his shaft against my slit before sliding down onto his girth. I watched Loki’s head tip back with a low moan and my breath caught before his hands grabbed to my hips tightly like he needed an anchor to keep him rooted to the earth. The angle was already driving me insane and I sat with him buried deeply inside me. I rocked my hips into his, my legs tightening around his waist and I could feel Loki trembling. Proud of myself, I let my movements get bolder, the need to bring him pleasure outweighing all else. I leaned back, bracing my hands against his knees while I arched my back and rolled my hips into his.

            “ _Perfect_ ,” he breathed, fingers digging more into my sore skin. Bucking my hips into his, my walls clenched his cock perfectly and my entire soul felt like it was on fire. Riding him harder now, I closed my eyes. My head fell back and Loki cursed, panting uncontrollably when his body arched against mine. He held me tightly to keep me from falling and I trusted him as my fingers dug into his knees and my body undulated to meet his. Loki was pounding harder, his hands forcing me to meet his thrusts and I allowed him to take me before his slight pants turned to gasps and sweat slicked our wanting forms.

             _“Ah! Ah! Ah!”_  I cried out chants, my sore body trembling but  _gods_  Loki was so close. I could feel his muscles tightening, his thrusting becoming quick and erratic, and his teeth clenching as curses and moans spilled from his soft lips. I needed to pleasure him. I needed him to find release. I didn’t even care for my own bliss, putting everything into his as my satisfaction depended on his gratification right now. I gyrated my hips harder, tightening my walls around his cock and a light smile played on my quivering lips when I was rewarded with another low moan as sweet as honey.

          Loki tried to form words but couldn’t speak properly and pride shot up my abdomen. One of his arms slid around the small of my back to hold me tighter and I knew he was teetering on the brink of release. “ _Come…oh…Loki… Come inside me._ ” My murmurs caused his fingers to sink into my flesh and I was sure he’d broken the skin just a little; but, I’d pushed him over the edge and Loki’s body quaked underneath mine instantly, his fluid pumps turned irregular as he spilled himself inside me. I would have tumbled from his lap while we caught our breaths if he wasn’t holding me firmly. My arms shook, still holding to his knees and I closed my eyes when I felt one of his hands let go of my hip to touch my neck. His palm slid down my chest, feeling the racing heart inside it, and I hummed blissfully before he pulled me toward him.

          Clothes hung loosely from his spent body and I reached up to tenderly brush some stray black hair from his slick forehead. Loki kissed my palm idly before he leaned forward to rest his forehead against my collar, burying his face into my neck. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, his grip on me tightened in return. We didn’t speak for a long moment while we held each other, overwhelmed with all that had occurred. I felt his fingertips trace down my spine and pressed a kiss into his black hair, drinking him in.

          “We have missed dinner,” I commented after a moment and he exhaled against my skin, amused. “Stories are going to be spread tomorrow.”

          “Let them talk,” Loki moved to look at me and in an instant I smiled, losing myself in his green eyes. Exhausted, I didn’t bother pulling off him and allowed my prince to move us to the bed. I sighed breathlessly when he pulled out of me and some of his release dripped from my inner thighs, my body tingled before I turned over onto my stomach when he pulled back the covers. Cool hands skimmed over my spine, fingers kneading at my flesh and I crossed my arms to set my head on them. Loki massaged my sore frame. I watched him when he rubbed his hands along my body and beamed while he shot me a light smile. Hands traced over the reddened skin of my bottom, soothing the marks and I think he healed me just a bit without asking. I didn’t care but didn’t protest when his broad hands continued until I let out a near silent moan. Fingers slipped along my thighs and I felt him grow teasingly close between them.

          “Loki,” I whined lightly, entertained and he smirked.

          “Hm?” He mused. “You’re clever enough to know that I’m not quite done.” Lips kissed my shoulder while he was still massaging and he drew close to my ear. “I must repay you.”

          “You already did earlier, I was repaying you,” I licked my lips as his fingers traced along my hip.

         “ _That_  was for both of us. You’ve given much today. Allow me to do this now,” he whispered, lips pressing into my hair.

          “I’m perfectly content,” I grinned.

          “What if I said that it grants me much satisfaction to bring you pleasure, sweetheart?” His low tone circled me and I gasped out when his hand slipped between my thighs. Clutching the sheets between my fingers, my legs parted when his fingers found my clit. I was tired, sensitive, extremely sore, swollen, but wet. My hips lifted a bit from the bed and I heard him smirk with a soft hum. Those relentless fingers rubbed against me. I didn’t know how I kept up with Loki sometimes, it was a miracle I managed. For a second, I didn’t think I could reach orgasm but instead the combined sensations heightened my sensitivity as he traced quick circles into the tender bud between my slick folds. Realizing it wasn’t going to take long, my hips were already working toward his hand, my thighs parting as he pleasured me.

         “ _Fuck._ ”

          “So much for being perfectly content,” he teased and I opened my mouth to retort but only moaned loudly when he sped up, forcing me closer to bliss again.

          “Almost…” I warned then, breathless and he set his other hand against the small of my back to hold me in place as I writhed.  _Don’t stop,_  my mind began to chant and Loki was in a giving mood because he quickened his pace and the only sound that filled the room was my panting until I was a twitching mess, my fingers and toes curling.

          “You’re right there, sweetheart,” he pressed his forehead against my shoulder. Loki didn’t let up and my eyes rolled back, mouth parted with a drawn out moan as his lips pressed to my neck, teeth biting into the bare skin “Yes,” he coaxed, “that’s it.” I sucked in a breath, held it before it fell from my mouth in a cry. “You may let go again.”

          “Ah!” I heaved for air as my entire frame succumbed, shockwaves crashing into me while I climaxed intensely, my body unable to function until Loki’s relentless hand ceased, allowing me to fall back against the mattress. He leaned over to kiss my brow and moved my hair from my face. I caught my breath again, exhaustion setting in fully before he covered me gently with the blankets. Loki got up from the mattress to relieve himself of his clothes and blow out the lamps before he got into the bed with me. Quick to curl his body around mine, Loki pressed his chest against my back and I settled my hand over his after he draped an arm around me. Tired and happy, I placed a lazy kiss into his arm.

            “Goodnight,” he whispered, relaxing behind me and my eyes slid closed. “Till tomorrow.”

            “Sweet dreams…”

** ** **

            “Show me again,” I insisted excitedly the next day and Loki chuckled. “Please…show me, come on.”

          “Fine, fine, I will.” With a sheet wrapped around my body and another blanket wrapped around his hips, we allowed ourselves an early but lazy morning. Both of us relaxed on our backs while Loki lifted a hand, light swirled around his graceful fingers before an illusion took shape. The silhouette of a snake slithered in midair, wisps of smoke floating around it as it coiled and hissed. I laughed while I watched it, happy I’d finally gotten Loki to teach me something close to his illusions. It was a start but, he’d said this was as far as it would go at the moment. Enjoying our time in bed, I accepted it without complaint for now.

          “Keep it there,” I smoothed some messy hair out of my face before flicking my hand, producing only wisps of smoke before I tried again and managed to make a blob. Loki chuckled and settled his free hand over mine as his illusion stayed above us.

          “Relax, you must always relax just a bit,” he spoke softly and I glanced at him to nod, taking in the sight of his tousled locks.

          “I can’t help it, in training and in lessons, I just get so tense when my pulse races. It’s something I need to work on I suppose.” I tried again once he’d let go and the blob didn’t take a shape yet.

           “Illusions heavily use the imagination, channel yours and put every bit of it into what you are trying to create.” I could see why Loki expanded and excelled at illusion magic. It knew no bounds, which fit well to him. Trying a few more times after refocusing myself, my blob began to take the shape of a small feline’s silhouette and I smiled wide.

          “What do you think?”

          “Appropriate,” Loki mused, his snake drawing up to hiss at the cat’s form. The feline merely sniffed at the creature before it bent over to lick the snake’s head. I sent Loki another grin when he chuckled, waving his hand before his snake dissipated in smoke and I did the same after, the cat disappearing. “You have officially conquered your first true illusion.” He turned over on his stomach and I playfully moved my torso onto his back before he could get up.

          “We should do it again later,” I giggled when he grumbled something as I pressed him down. “ _Please,_  Loki?”

          “I did that so you would not pester me for a bit longer,” Loki laughed softly and I kissed his shoulder. “I’ve much to teach you still.”

           “We’re having fun,” I whined playfully, crossing my arms over his back and he grunted something else into the mattress. “I’m not getting off you until you promise we do it again sometime soon. You’re so particular.”

          “Oh dear. Not a naked woman wrapped in a sheet on top of me,” his flat voice was laced in sarcasm. “ _Anything_  but that.” Loki turned his head to glance at me and I smiled, running idle fingers through his messy black hair.

          “I love you,” I professed instead, lying my head against his bare back. 

          “Attempting to use affections against me now?” He jested lightly before managing to slide out from under me, not bothered at all by his nudity. Nuzzling into the blankets, I exhaled content while he bent over to press a slow kiss to my lips. Cupping his face, I sat up a little to draw out the kiss longer before he could break it. “I love you as well.” Kissing the corner of my mouth once, I watched him walk around the bed. Propping myself up, I admired Loki’s frame before he smirked at me and turned away. “You are staring.”

          “I am,” I exhaled, my eyes trailing down the curve of his pale back as he went through something on his bookcase. Shaking my head to break my trace, I sat up a bit and held the sheet around me.  _This is nice._  Bringing my knees to my chest, I crossed my arms over them and propped my head up, eyes fixed on him as an idea sprung up in my brain. “I should really…” I paused to stretch out, “…get back to my room to clean up for the day before I spend it in here. In bed. With you.” Stretching my limbs again, I ran a hand through my hair and looked up to see his gaze directly on me. “Hm?” I lifted my brow, tilting my head to tuck some hair behind my ear. Quickly, Loki paced over with newfound vigor and I let out a high pitched gasp when he grabbed me up from the bed.  _Well, that was easy._  Twisting around in the sheet, I couldn’t help my laughter at his determined expression. “And what are you doing?” 

          “Think you can simply leave to clean up when there is a perfectly good bath this way?” Loki carried me off and I just giggled lightly, draping an arm around his shoulder.

          My week had looked up.  _Finally._

** *** **

           Three days later, I decided to take back that previous statement as I cornered Thor on his way to the training grounds. “Thor! Care to enlighten me on why I was-?!”

          “I was informed of what occurred,” he’d eased when he caught my upset expression, “know that no one has blamed you for any of their past actions, nor their present ones. You are not even considered to be one of-”

          “Where is Loki?!” I seethed.

          “I have not seen him,” Thor replied, “come to the training grounds with me.”

          “So all the warriors can stare and call me  _whore_  behind my back?”

          “I mean no disrespect. They don't believe any of that. If they’re smart, they’ll know you never wanted to-”

          “Seduce you to be Queen?” I cut in, realizing that Thor and I had never spoken about this when the rumors circulated after I moved into the palace. “Gods, I can’t believe this is happening.” I rubbed my head and Thor stepped toward me to comfort me but I swatted at him. “No. I… I need you to know that I never even thought of…”

           “Do you think me a fool?” Thor tilted his head. “You’ve had eyes for Loki for years. It may hurt my pride, but you’ve not taken steps toward me in…that light. I’m lucky but not that lucky.” His attempt at humor softened me. "We friends still?"

          “Yes, yes we are. But, how many other warriors are going to believe that? I need to speak with Loki, tell me where he is.”

           “If warriors antagonize you, they will be dealt with. Come with me-”

           “I need to speak with him! You cannot lie to protect your brother now, tell me where he is!” I insisted again before taking a calming breath. I had no business yelling at Thor. “Please… Thor, can you tell me where he is now?” I blinked, pleading with him. “Please.” Thor narrowed his gaze a moment, exhaling before he spoke.

          “You might locate him in the nearest pub off-grounds.”

** ** **

             _Where is he?_

          Fixing my cloak, I entered the large, rowdy pub and craned my neck to see over the loud warriors enjoying their drinks. To my luck, I spotted my prince at a table in the corner, writing in a thick book with an empty goblet in front of him and a bag of goods to his side. I paused a moment, realizing I might explode at him so I pulled myself together for a second and decided what I was going to say. Without so much as a glance at me, Loki’s foot kicked out the chair across from him and I huffed before standing tall and crossing the room to sit in the offered seat.

          “Of course, not even Thor can resist those large, somber eyes when they plead.” Loki spoke idly, continuing with his work. “He’s always had that soft spot.”

          “I had an interesting morning after being suddenly ordered to the throne room, but I think you knew that,” I glared at him.

          “Me? I have been running errands today,” he gestured to the large sack next to him.

           “They called me in to speak against my parents as they were finally formally charged with conspiracies against the royals and my father also with assault. The whole court was there, it was humiliating.”

           “Oh.” Loki tilted his head at me. “Is that not what has been occurring?”      

          “I don’t think I’d call it assault, I was-”

          “Do you really believe any of your actions warranted a-?”

          “No! Gods, no but you-”

          “They should have backed off when they were found out. Being as they did not, the King and Queen cannot stand for this. They were merely warned.”

           “I told you to leave it be.”

          “Well, now you’ve my final answer,” Loki turned a few pages and jotted down some more notes. “You should not be surprised. While you are not involved with them;  _naturally_ , I do not appreciate when any being threatens my family or the woman I cherish.” His simple words made me pause but I shook my head.  _Focus_ ,  _you’re still upset with him_ , I had to tell myself.

          “No matter. They are now to pay a large tribute and are not allowed on palace grounds or near me. While everyone I’m close to assures me I’ve nothing to do with them, everyone else seems to be looking at me like I’ve betrayed the realm for simply being their daughter. I hope you’re happy.”

          “They were not outlawed? This is why the Elders have no place in the court with such a high standing as main advisers.” Loki appeared annoyed, glaring at the page he was on for a moment. “Do not tell me you had something to do with that as well.”

           “No, I was asked for the truth so I did give it. Somewhat begrudgingly.” I paused. “But, you acted without warning me, or talking to me at all, even after I told you to stay out of it. You  _always_  believe you know best and, guess what? You don’t always know best, Loki. You don’t have half an idea of my history with my parents and I want you to back off it.” He looked up at me finally. “Try to understand and get that through your head before you speak to me again.”

          “You try discovering someone you hold dear is still being exploited in multiple fashions. Now, look at me and tell me what I did was incorrect.” Angry, I stood up abruptly, my chair skidding across the floor before I marched out. I did not want to be sensitive and dependent, but I was more often than I’d like to admit. We both knew that and more anger flared at the thought. I’d wanted to let go on my own. Even after truly learning lessons, I found myself still vying for something that would never be there. Most of all, I was annoyed that I felt somewhat relieved and grateful with what Loki did. _Damn him._

** ** **

            Finding solace in the empty library, I sat back against a bookshelf on the counter and continued reading. Bringing one leg up, I settled the book in my lap, my other leg hanging off the edge as I turned the page. Minutes later, the door opened and I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Not wanting to gaze at him watching me, I brought the book up to cover my face, determined as I tried to read the next line.

           “Enchanting?” Loki read the cover. “We’ve barely skimmed the surface of that.”

            “Yes, well, I’m going to get better on my own and then I will enchant your boots to keep you trapped to the floor before you can go off making those brash decisions.”

            “Why not enchant my boots to bring me to you and tell the truth before I take action? It will save you some trouble.” Not amused, I lowered the book at his words. “Why is it you’re sitting up there when there are perfectly good chairs all over this room?”

            “I see the area better here,” I stated in a matter-a-fact tone and shut my book, shrugging. “I like to survey a room I guess.”

            “Ah. Always such a feline.” Loki smirked and I huffed silently at him before he continued. “Do you survey the room to better find a way out?” I hopped off the counter after he spoke.

            “Maybe,” I passed him and Loki trailed after me as I walked past rows of bookcases, turning into the right section.

            “Just what are you trying to escape from?” He went on nonchalantly and I spun on my heel to face him, my agitation reaching its peak.

            “Well, right now, I’m trying really hard to get away from  _you_!” The words came out more bitterly than I’d intended and we both paused when Loki’s eyebrows quirked up. “I…I’m sorry,” I shook my head, turning back to the books to set mine back into place. _I can’t have outbursts…_  In an instant, I disconnected myself, shaken as I sucked every bit of emotion and pushed it away. _Do not allow him to see._  My voice turned monotone after I took a slow breath. “Forgive me.  I really did not mean that. I should just go now and-”

            “You will not  _dare_  pull away like that!” Loki snatched me by the shoulders, pushing me against a bookcase and my lips parted. “Allow yourself to feel that anger, damn it! Bring it back.”

            “I don’t know…what you’re talking about. I’m fine now,” my tone was calculated, almost eerily calm, and Loki bared his teeth at me before I forced my gaze elsewhere. “Now, let-”

            “Do you think that I am stupid?!” He growled, fingers curling around the fabric of my clothing. “You are bottling it up and trying to get away. The next words out of your mouth better damn well be the truth.”

            “ _Fine_!” I was seething again, my cheeks felt warm when I pushed his hands off me roughly. “I am  _angry_! I’m angry with you! I’m angry with myself and I wish you would back off! Happy?!” My glare blazed into him, causing Loki to straighten up again, his lips upturning slightly which irritated me more.

            “Now we can continue our conversation.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “As for what I did, I made them pay, as they should have. I was not going to simply sit back anymore. You will never have to see them again this way. Do I really need to state anymore of the obvious?”

            “I know but I made that choice the moment he put me out of the house, I did not need you to intervene.  _And_  you did this all without even giving me a simple warning.”

            “ _Enough_  lying to yourself,” his terse voice bit into me. “You were not letting go and I was not going to stand by to let you be harmed any longer while you shuffled on the brink of-”

            “Damage was already done to me, Loki. You can't erase that and I don't want you to try because it's just going to drain you. So I’m just supposed to be grateful that you’re putting so much  _thought_  into these decisions without telling me, without talking to me at all,” I approached to push at his chest with little effect, “because you’re trying to-?”

            “Do you think it weak to allow dependence on occasion?”

            “Doesn’t everyone?” I muttered, glancing up to meet his gaze.

            “What about the other night, what you asked of me? Was that weakness?” Loki’s question caused me to think a moment and I realized that the last thing I felt was weak then. I shook my head, shuffled backward before I said something else.

            “You should have left it alone,” my voice was small, insecure and I knew the prince in front of me wasn’t buying any of it. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I forced my body to move and passed him and Loki made no move to grab me. He didn’t need to because I stopped when he spoke.

            “Are you really still so accustomed to dealing with your own issues, your own  _pain_ , that you cannot process the thought of another lulling you into a true security and safety for a period of time. What happened between us is nothing to be ashamed of.”

            “I’m not ashamed,” I persisted instantly. “It was just new to me.”

            “What of my first statement then?”

            “I can handle myself,” was all I offered, shuffling my feet.

            “I do not doubt that,” Loki narrowed his gaze. “But time and time again, you allow yourself to let go, only to hide away once more not long after.  _Why_?”

            “Loki…”

            “ _Tell me_ ,” he hissed, taking a few steps closer to tower over me. “Stand tall and tell me now.” We locked eyes and my bottom lip quivered as I furrowed my brow and spoke.

            “Why is it, when we have everything…we are still such insecure creatures?” I breathed, eyes flickering over his face. “It is because we feel unworthy or because we feel that we will lose it?” Slowly, Loki touched my face, fingers skimming down my cheek before he cradled my jaw in both hands.

            “I would say that it is much of both,” he replied, one of his fingers traced a circle into my neck.

            “We always think we know ourselves perfectly until one moment leads to another and suddenly we look in the mirror…realizing the person in it is a stranger that we have to get to know again. I’ve put  _everything_  into concealing the scarier sides of me because I was always sure that no one wanted them. It was made clear when I was younger that they were not. No matter how many times you assure me that you want them, a part of me is still holding back because I’m afraid of having you take the brunt of my ugliest parts that even I’m still discovering and allowing free.” Slowly, I took his hands and pulled them from me, rubbing circles into his skin. “And I also know now that being is a relationship, even if it makes me happy. Which you do, Loki, I am so very happy with you. But, a wonderful relationship won’t magically change me. It won’t suddenly make those rough outlines around me go away, no matter how much we both wish them to. No matter how happy I may seem one day or another.” I released his hands, shuffling back a bit as he lowered his arms. “That girl in the mirror is still coming up so angry and insecure and dependent and jaded and so depressed, often all for no good reason it seems.” I turned, pulling myself together when I took a few steps in the quiet, grand room. Finally, I gave in. Utterly. “I hate that I can ask you so easily for your ugly side but often hesitate to give mine.  _It isn’t fair._ ” 

            “You are accustomed to hiding yours completely. It is in your nature.” Loki spoke and I paused.

          “Those parts of me were all I had once.” I watched the beams of sun show in through the windows, illuminating the area. I felt my insides heat when my voice grew shaken. “I’ve based my entire life around locking them away and I think I’ve adapted to that, which is awful,” my voice grew heavy, “it’s so awful but, now, I…I don’t know what I’d be without them. And if I dig myself out of one hole, what if I fill it with something worse? What if I end up like my parents and complete that cycle? Does that make sense? ”

          “Yes. You make more sense than you believe you do.” Loki replied and I could feel his eyes on me. “Though, you are also not always as clever as I thought you to be.”

            “Why?” I breathed, eyes on the tapestry ahead of me.

            “Because I happen to love that somber and frustrated girl still.” His words caused me to turn a bit. “I can be patient with her when need be...while she offers the same. And she does. You're not like your parents. Not a bit. You're filled to the brim with empathy that you do not even know what to do with sometimes. And that's fine. You're not a bad person. You're allowed to struggle. Asgard... We are flawed and not equipped well to handle such illness. I wish it was different. I do. But, I am here and so are you. We have each other. We'll get by the way we know how. We'll help each other.” The corner of his lip upturned and I beamed a little. “Perhaps I can even assist you in figuring it all out while we explore our dynamic from time to time. If you wish us to continue?”

           “I…I do,” I nodded. “It’s new but, I think something important came out of it for both of us.”

           “If it makes you comfortable, I’ve much to discover as well.”

           “How so?”

           “I have never valued someone in the way I value you, outside of my family,” he shrugged.  _Gods, that honesty is going to be the end of me._  Slowly, I moved back toward him and took one of his hands in both of mine. Tracing over his knuckles with my thumbs, I pressed a kiss to the pale skin as he watched me. “Now, are you still upset with me?”

          “Of course I am. You silly,” stepping closer, I went on, “thoughtful, aggravating, caring,” I embraced him suddenly, my arms around his torso, “persistent, insufferable man. Driving me crazy.” Holding Loki closer, I heard him chuckle while I let my head press against his chest. “Can’t stay out of anything, no wonder you’re always in trouble.” I pulled back to look up at him, standing on my toes to be closer to his level. Loki’s eyes flickered down my face while he exhaled, smirking. “I’m still angry with you. I’m always angry with you, damn it,” abruptly, I kissed him, my hands moving up to grasp at his collar tightly as I closed my eyes. “So angry,” I muttered against his lips.

           “I see,” he murmured in return, tilting his head to capture my mouth. I yanked him closer by the collar and Loki hummed against my lips, joking. “I should really upset you more often.”

          “Shut up,” I heaved for air before merely kissing him once more. Loki touched my shoulders and I pulled away, slowly uncurling my fingers from his clothing to allow him to stand straighter. Green eyes trailed down my face and my lips upturned, the moment causing me to glance down. Curling one of my fingers around his, he moved to take my hand fully before I nodded my head and pulled him along with me. Loki trailed not far behind me as I led him out of the room. He stayed perfectly silent, so I spoke softly after a moment, “oh, and I suppose…thank you…” Loki nudged his shoulder into mine lightly, causing me to grin fully.

          “You need not do that.”

          "Gods, we...really push each other's buttons." I looked at him while we walked along. "Can you imagine us stopping?" Loki considered it with a sobered look that twitched like a great wave and disappeared before his expression was lighter.

          "I shudder at the thought." He offered. "Come, I want us to speak with my mother about the conditions of separation between you and your parents. At your word. But, we need to handle the Elders. Father won't stand for this, they'll edge off you."

          "I'd like that." I gazed ahead and felt truly safe. "I think this week will look up."

          "I do as well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking time to read !!!


	11. New Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year or so after the last prompt. The Lady learns a new spell while her magic skills only improve with time and Loki gets wounded in battle. His temper lashes out on those closest to him. I always find reasons to toss characters around it seems. Asgardians, I suppose.

 

 _Alright. Let’s see. This ledge to this one. Sneak under this. Jump up here. I’ve got the hang of this. People, I hear people…_ Pacing behind a pillar, I waited for the two rows of guards to pass.  _I feel so sneaky. This is actually kind of fun._ Of course, I didn’t quite know how the residents of the palace would react to a cat wandering around within its walls.

            Even if it was me.

            Loki had been gone with Thor and many other warriors, including Sif and The Warriors Three to help with troubles in Vanaheim for a few weeks. I’d been practicing this in every bit of spare time I had to surprise the shapeshifter and finally, I had it down.  _As long as I don’t get stuck like this…again._  Trotting down the hall, I passed the healing room and a voice spoke being me.

            “Now, how did you get in here?”

 _Uh oh…_  I looked up to see the Queen beaming down at me, two court ladies behind her. Affectionately, I nuzzled my small body in the bottom of her gown in an attempt to be convincing and seemingly harmless. Though, I was caught off-guard when she bent over and picked me up from the ground. _Oh hell._

            “Your majesty…” One woman began but Frigga waved kindly, cradling me in her other arm.

            “You both are dismissed for now,” the Queen smiled and waited for them to leave before she walked the opposite way, petting my head with her free hand.  _No wonder cats like this_ , I purred and hoped she wasn’t about to toss me out of the palace. Instead, Frigga walked into one of her rooms where she made tonics and set me down on a desk. Sitting up, my tail swished and curled around my paws.

            “ _Meow…_ ” I blinked, watching as she smiled and moved to open a cabinet with ingredients.

            “I am very impressed,” she began. “This is what you have been up to in Loki’s absence.”  _I really should have known that Frigga would have seen through it._ Tilting my head at her, I watched the queen smile again sweetly. “Is this the only form you can take?” I nodded my head, pausing a moment to scratch my chin with my paw. “Do you mean to surprise my son?” Again, I nodded and she chuckled lightly. Frigga turned and I jumped off the desk swiftly, taking my original form as I landed. Wobbling, I stood and brushed my clothes off.

            “I’m still getting used to that part.” Absentmindedly, I touched my hair and face to make sure I didn’t have any stray cat ears or whiskers. “I’m nowhere near the shapeshifter your son is, he can take the shape of anyone as well as most animals. My favorite is when he would turn into a bird, but Loki avoids animal forms now.”

            “As is mine,” the Queen dropped an ingredient into her potion before waving her hand to stir it.

            “So what gave me away?”

            “Please, dear, I raised Thor and Loki; I am adept with all the familiar tricks. When they were younger, Thor would convince Loki to turn them both in guards so they could sneak off palace grounds without a chaperone.”

            “They might have also convinced me and the others to stand watch to help them go unnoticed…” I gave a sheepish grin and she laughed softly so I asked something else. “Has Heimdall given any report on Vanaheim? Is everyone alright? I’ve heard that they’re supposed to be back soon but…” Frigga’s smile faltered and I straightened up.

            “The battle is just longer than intended. I am preparing healing tonics for the wounded arriving back and more potions that we’re going to be sending to Vanaheim.”

            “I could go and help them in battle. Made potions today too, but I could go assist. I've never been there.”

            “You’re needed here, they will be back very soon, I promise.” Frigga waved her hand again and more ingredients added themselves to the potion in front of her. “Oh, can you find the honeysuckle in the cabinet behind you? The one from my special garden.”

            “Certainly,” quickly, I opened the glass door and grabbed a jar before handing it to her. Frigga waited a moment for the potion to change color and I pressed a hand over hers to comfort the mother. Casting me a grateful look, Frigga finished up and the potion magically began to bottle itself into many small vials that floated over to a wooden box. “Let me come back to the healing room with you and help there again.”

            “You’ve put in long hours already but, that would be much appreciated.”

** ** **

            “Here, drink this, you’ll feel much better and you’re free to go,” a warrior handed me the empty vial before thanking me and making her way out. I healed another man’s burn and then used a healing stone to patch up a deep gash on the next warrior’s leg. A few hours passed and the sun began to set while the commotion in the healing room died down. Cleaning up my hands, I glanced out at the orange sky outside, exhaling slowly to calm my thoughts.

            “I am sure the princes are fine,” a healer offered and I smiled a little at her.

            “Thank you, Asta,” I nodded and she set a comforting hand on my shoulder. Sighing, I moved to go assist Moira while she cleaned her own station. Quietly, she met my eyes to thank me and I beamed at her. Wiping down another table, I spun on my heel when the doors burst open and Elisif came inside. Eir was giving orders in the hallway behind her.

            “Many are arriving back, we believe the quarrels are over,” she announced and all of the healers, including me, gave sighs of relief. “Our friends in Vanaheim are at peace. The King is traveling and many warriors will stay but the rest should be here soon.”

            “Are there many more wounded?” Asta called.

            “Not a lot, I am told. Prepare for those coming in.” Quickly, we all took her instructions, rushing around to keep the large room in order as a few wounded came trickling in. After helping a warrior up so she could leave, I paused when I heard shouting echoing down the hallway that sounded familiar.

            “Thor?” I perked up instantly and rushed to the door.

            “Make way!” He’d called while I spotted servants and guards quickly moving so he could pass. I took a step forward but froze when I got a good look. Thor was walking with Fandral, both men helping along a figure slouching between them, whom I realized was Loki.

            “Loki?!” I raced over and opened my mouth to speak but paused when I realized Loki was fighting and shouting at the two helping him.  _Honestly._  Thor and Fandral appeared a little beat up but alright nonetheless, however, Loki looked like hell with a large rip in his side and his hair a mess around his pale face.

            “I’m fine, idiots! Unhand me!” He even kicked at Thor once but struggled to do anything else.

            “Loki!?” I tried and he looked up to notice me for the first time, green eyes getting slightly wider. Finally squirming away from his brother and Fandral, the younger prince stumbled forward and I had to catch him under his arms as he fell, half bringing me down. Loki was near sheet white, sweaty, and shaken. “What happened?” I brought him up a little while Thor reached down and grabbed Loki by the arm to yank him up fully. When I touched his side, Loki flinched away, baring his teeth.

            “He needs the healing room,” Thor persisted and Loki was spitting curses at him with no effect at all.

            “We believe the arrow that hit him was poisoned,” Fandral spoke when I kept up with him to follow the two princes, my breath turning to a gasp. Thor half-dragged Loki into the healing room and I helped bring him into a separate room attached.

            “Put him down in the bed,” I ordered and Thor had to force Loki to do so. “Fandral, please bring the queen here at once.”

            “Of course,” Fandral was racing off and I made my way to Loki’s side, pressing him down by the shoulder.

            “Undress,” I was already yanking on buckles to get the clothes off his torso until it was bare and gasped loudly at the wound. Though it was somewhat thin as the arrow looked to have grazed him, a dark purple color had flooded the area around the gash and the veins crawling from it were the same. Blood was still seeping from the swelling cut so I pressed some gauze to it and Loki went rigid. “I’m going to need more than a healing stone. This is bad, Loki. Hold still.”

            “I can handle- _ah_!” He had to clench his teeth together when pain shot up his side.

            “But, he’s going to be all right?!” Thor took my shoulder and I touched his hand to calm him.

            “Yes, Frigga will know what it is,” I soothed, my own pulse racing. “Slide that chair over and take a seat.” Thor paused but did so, his hands on his knees tightly.

            “I don’t need either of you two in here!” Loki rasped before he coughed and I shot him a look of disbelief.

            “Quiet. Sit back while we wait for Frigga,” I commanded, checking the nasty wound. The blood wasn’t stopping. “How long ago was this?”

            “Had to be an hour,” Thor answered quickly before his brother could.

            “This is your entire fault! If you were paying attention, rather than jeering taunts and fooling around, I would not have had to toss up a late ward to halt that damned arrow from finding your  _heart_!” Judging by Thor’s state and expression, I thought somehow that it still did.  _Don’t worry Thor, it hit mine too,_  I prayed Frigga knew what to do. “Damn thing grazed past me before I could halt it and my ward barely stopped it from hitting this oaf.”

            “Loki, calm down! And lie back, I said,” my firm voice raised and he growled at me like an animal. “I’ll strap you down if I have to, I’m allowed to do that.”

            “You would just  _adore_ that _,_  would you not?” He pressed his head back into the pillow and sweat trickled down his brow. “Let me-!”

            “Loki, enough!” Frigga strode in and moved between Thor and the bed, sitting down to look Loki over. Fandral lingered in the doorway before he moved behind me to settle a hand on my shoulder, to which I shot him a grateful look.

            “Do you require my further assistance, your majesty?” Fandral smiled lightly and Frigga shook her head.

            “You are needed with the others, you may go to assist with them.”

            “My Queen,” he bowed, squeezing my shoulder once before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

            “Do you know what it was?” I watched Frigga’s hand glow. She held it over the wound and Loki grasped at the sheets around him; his pallid, sweaty face appearing more sunken so I brushed some ebony hair from it and dabbed his forehead with a cool cloth. Watching him, I realized he appeared disoriented and distant from us as he grew quiet.

            “Powerful, which tells me why the blood will not even stop,” Frigga cupped Loki’s face to study his state. “Loki, focus on me for a moment, darling. Breathe evenly and stay right here with us.” The Queen shifted back and glanced at me. “Keep him awake while I create a remedy, we must make haste,” she was already rushing to look at ingredients in a cupboard, deciding for a quick moment.

           “Loki,” Thor leaned forward when Loki’s eyes fluttered closed. Quickly, I got behind him and propped him up so he winced.

           “Stay awake for us,” my voice was unsteady while my pulse sped up and Loki’s head fell back against my shoulder.

           “ _Mmm…no…_ ” He whined, twitching uncomfortably and his body felt hot while I touched his forehead and smoothed the icy cloth over it again.

           “He has a high fever,” I warned and Frigga glanced back before she crushed a plant I couldn’t see into a bowl.

           “Get away!” Loki lashed out at Thor and gritted his teeth when pain jolted up his body. I hushed him but instead he allowed his eyes to close when his head tossed back.

           “No, open your eyes and look at us right now. Loki,” I shook him and he did so, his breath rattled.

           “I don’t…need…help,” Loki shifted and I held him in place against my torso. “That oaf is still…in battle…who else will keep him in line?” Thor and I shared a look as Loki got delirious.

            “Mother, please,” Thor’s voice was forcibly even, he shook Loki’s shoulder. Frigga moved over with a wooden bowl and pushed it into Thor’s hands. “What is it?”

            “Rub this into the wound. It will merely slow it and help him resist the poison while I finish the cure up.” Shifting Loki over a bit, I held his arm away from the wound as the purple in his veins appeared to be branching out further. Frigga was moving back to finish her potion and Thor hesitated but I gave him a nod of encouragement.

            “You can do it,” I offered and Loki shook his head, weak and incoherent.

            “ _Hurts_ ,” he whimpered and I shushed him gently while Thor dipped his hand into the ointment and pressed it into the gash. I could feel Loki’s muscles going tense again so his brother continued to apply the foul smelling remedy. Moira appeared with another frozen cloth and I thanked her. Trembling, Loki blinked and weakly looked toward us with large green eyes, we both froze. “They’ve…sent a Valkyrie to me…already?”

            "Get well, my prince." Moira took the dirty rag and bowl, leaving with some haste. Loki's eyes glazed over as Thor finished up and I stared down at him a moment before I quickly shook my head.

            “You’re fine… Hold on while we get this tonic into you…” I rocked him, my arms shaking when my chest twisted.

            “Is that alright?” Thor spoke and I nodded.

            “Perfect, you’re a natural healer,” I smiled in an attempt to comfort him as he wiped off his hands and set the bowl aside. Thor allowed his lip to quirk up a little and leaned forward to take the back of Loki’s neck. I tried still to bring his temperature down.

            “Stay awake, brother, you still need to shout and get me back with one of your tricks later.”

            “Of course,  _you_ feel the need to follow…me to Valhalla, giant brute…” Loki grunted distantly and Thor smiled weakly, his face twitching as he sniffed.

            “Well, I cannot simply allow my brother to go alone. It will not feel right if we do not go together.” I pressed my lips together, watching the two. “…Mother, he is slouching and badly delirious,” Thor called and Frigga went faster while I pulled Loki up more.

            “It is setting now, give me a few more seconds,” Frigga replied, waving her hand quickly. Abruptly, Loki coughed and jerked so I moved my hand under his chin when he went slack. Thick liquid hit my palm, spilling through my fingers and Thor stood so quickly, his seat fell backwards.

            “Mother!” He turned to go to her and I leaned forward to see some black contents seeping from Loki’s pale lips. My eyes went wide and I felt colder.

            “ _Loki_!” I held his head up as more of the gunk dripped down his chin and onto my hand.

            “It is done, keep holding him,” Frigga rushed over with a rounded phial, holding it to Loki’s lips while I cradled his chin and she took the back of his head. Thor was standing behind her, clenching and unclenching his fists and forcing himself to be still. I wondered for a moment if he would implode on himself.

            “ _Ngh_ ,” Loki sputtered as Frigga urged him to drink.

            “There we go… Stay here with us, Loki. Good boy. Drink.” The Queen held it together and got Loki to choke the rest of the liquid down. “Thor, bring me that clean rag.” She pulled the phial away and held her hand out but Thor instead moved to wipe down Loki’s chin himself. The gentle act from the beastly prince made my heart tug. Frigga regarded her sons with a tender expression as Loki’s eyes slid closed and he nudged into me, sleep and exhaustion setting in. Thor handed me the rag and allowed me to wipe off the black contents before I gave it back. “Loki will be quite weak and vulnerable the next few days, I also do not expect his powers to be as capable as usual. I want him kept in here so we can monitor him, which Loki will not appreciate.”

            “We can watch over him tonight,” Thor offered and I nodded quickly, shifting my hand into Loki’s hair as he slept. Carefully, I held him to me for a long moment and felt his pulse grow steady. Thor fixed his chair and took a slow seat in it.

            “Carefully wrap his wound soon and allow him to rest while the potion and ointment do the work tonight. Tomorrow, he will be given food and water, which he must ingest. In about a week’s time, or less, he should be himself once more.” Frigga took Loki’s hand to press a kiss to it before she stood, touching the back of Thor’s head affectionately. “You both did very well. Loki will be fine.”

            “Thank you, mother,” Thor allowed her press a kiss into his blond hair before smoothing it with her hand but, he cleared his throat quickly and straightened up, coming back to himself. “I…I’ve this perfectly handled.”

            “I know, my darling…” She lowered her hand. “I must now check on the healing room and send word to your father, watch over him,” Frigga bid us both farewell and exited after another slow glance to Loki.

            “I can wrap his wound and get him comfortable while you get cleaned up some,” I spoke, my arms still wrapped around Loki’s lean frame. Thor didn’t move for a moment, his eyes flickering from me to Loki but I nodded. “He will be fine, Thor, I promise you. Get cleaned up and you can hurry back here.”

            Reluctantly, Thor stood up to do as I asked and I allowed my pulse to slow finally.  _Thank Valhalla._

** ** **

            After checking over the healing room and grabbing some blankets, I went back into Loki’s room quietly. I’d changed him and removed his boots after bandaging him up. Thor had pulled his armchair up so it was touching the bed and was now fast asleep in it, his head leaning against the cushioned side as he sat slouched. Slowly, I covered him and smiled at the fact that his hand was extended and touching Loki’s shoulder, like he needed to know his brother was still there. I tucked Loki in and touched his face gently before I pressed a kiss into his cheek.

           “Goodnight, boys.” I took a seat in my chair, settling the blanket around my shoulders before I leaned forward to rest my head against the mattress, grasping Loki’s hand. Kissing his knuckles lightly, I relaxed and waited for sleep to set in as the bright stars shone in from outside.

** ** **

            My eyes opened when I felt the bed move; shifting, I released Loki’s hand while I sat back to rub my eyes and realized the prince in the bed was blinking up at me. With Thor still asleep across from me, I leaned over and touched Loki’s cheek. “Hi there,” I brushed some hair from his still blanched face. “You scared us. I don’t see you for weeks and you come back poisoned.”

          “Thought…I would  _surprise_  you.” He licked his dry, chapped lips and closed his eyes, exhaling before he tried to maneuver himself and let out a gasp.

          “Don’t move around, relax,” I muttered and Loki cracked his eyes open.

          “What happened?” He murmured.

          “After the issues on Vanaheim, Frigga took care of you with us while you were ill. Poison.” I spoke and Loki groaned, still trying to sit up but I pressed him down. “Relax, I said. I can get you a tonic for the pain before we get you some food and water.” I stood and Thor roused from sleep across from me.

           “No, I want to…get out of-”

           “Stay there,” I ordered, turning to open the door and beckon an attendant over so I could get Loki a meal. “Thank you,” I watched the boy rush off and shut the door again as Thor spoke.

           “Lie down, brother. You were sick and delirious yesterday.” Thor stood and Loki glared at him.

           “You cannot tell me what to do.” Loki hissed but a pained expression broke across his face and he was forced to sit back anyway. I moved to go through a cupboard for a tonic as the brothers went on.

            “Let me assist-”

            “No!” Loki swatted Thor away roughly. “You… Both of you, leave me!” He appeared to grow angrier when he pressed himself with little result and could not force himself up. Thor persisted and tried to get Loki back against the pillows but the younger Odinson kicked at his brother and ended up knocking his own body out of bed.

            “Loki!” I hurried to his side as he fell with a hard thud and let out a breathless yelp. “Enough!” I hooked my arms under his and Thor reached over to help me get him back in bed. Panting, Loki had to allow us and fell back against the covers a complete mess. The servant reentered and set the tray on the bedside table.

            “Get well soon, your highness,” he bowed and left after a second low bow to Thor.

            “Brother, I-”

            “ _Get out_ ,” Loki rasped, his face turned to the side to avoid our stares.

            “Drink this,” I held out a small flask to him and he sneered.  _Damn it, Loki. Not now._  Clenching my teeth together, I persisted and spoke evenly. “If…you want to get better, you’ll drink it now.” Ruefully, he took it from me and gulped the liquid down.

            “ _Proud now_?” Loki spat and I took the empty tonic from him. “Leave, I wish to be alone.” Furrowing my brow, I watched him a moment as Thor stayed silent and Loki glared the wall, clasping his fingers around the sheets under him.

            “Please, let us help you. Frigga will be here soon to check on you and she even said you’d be out of here in a few days,” I tried calmly.

            “Let me go back to my chambers, I will not lie around here and-”

            “They said they needed to watch you, Loki,” I replied. “Now, try eating and drinking some water, you need it.” I moved forward but in a fury, Loki growled loudly and swept the tray to the floor with a crash, food and drink splashing. “Loki!” I stomped and he paused, finally glancing at me. “You’re not going to get any better if you act like  _this_! You realize the people with enough on their plate working in this palace have to clean that mess because you're looking to have a tantrum?” Thor tried to speak then.

            “You must-”

            “I want you gone!” Loki ordered and grabbed at his wound when pain appeared to run up his frame.

            “Don’t fuss with those,” I paced over and took his hand, pulling it away from the bandage.

            “Neither of you need to tend to me now,” Loki insisted, his teeth clenched. Thor didn’t budge and I realized finally that he was likely blaming himself for this.

            “Brother, we need to ensure that you gather your strength today.”

            “I do not require it!” Loki forced himself up in a flash and I flinched when a bookcase went flying over, everything on it scattering, but the Thor ignored it completely, not even batting an eyelash. “If you think for a second that I desire assistance from a-!”

            “Enough!” Thor boomed and grabbed Loki by the shoulders. A shouting match ensued with me merely helpless in the back.  _Why does it always come to this?_

            “Hey!” I forced my way between them, prying their hands away before they could throttle each other. “Stop it, both of you!” I pushed Thor backwards and faced Loki, my hands outstretched toward him.

            “I do not need that dull, selfish idiot tending to me like he is suddenly concerned now!” Loki shot and I felt Thor falter behind me before I realized he was turning to stomp out.

            “Thor, wait.”

            “Good riddance,” Loki spat when I spun to face him.

            “ _Loki_ ,” I seethed as the door slammed, “don’t speak to him that way. He-”

            “Yes, of course, defend  _him_ ,” Loki dropped his head back onto the pillow. "Everyone else does. Elders get to you? Or, perhaps your parents-"

            "Don't you dare say what you're about to, Loki." I got his eyes on mine again.

            "Leave me."

            "Whatever happened in battle, Thor would never even think to put you in harm's way. Ever. You must be upset with yourself too, I understand that, but all of us have been wounded in a fight. Some of us more than others. This was bad, Loki. You could have died. You need to relax and let us work. Or you'll get worse." I cleared my throat. Loki was sick and acting irrational now. “And don’t make this a contest,” I shook my head and tried to ignore the lingering sting. “Last night, we almost thought we could have lost you, you scared us and we tended to you, we stayed with you. You're upset. But, lashing out like that? Maybe…if…”

          “Spit it out.” Loki scoffed and my blood boiled.

           “Maybe if you stop setting others up to fail, maybe if you stop thinking the worst, maybe if you stop fussing like a child… _Gods_ ,  _maybe_ if you stop acting like a  _brat_ , you’ll actually heal up some and feel better so you can get the hell out of here!”

            “I do not need  _you_  to lecture me or stay here now.”

            “Fine…” I tossed my hands out. Loki and I both needed to cool off. “I’ll send Frigga in and another tray of food, and if I find out that you didn’t eat, you’ll wish for another arrow to the side once I’m done…” I stopped, collecting myself.

           “Until that time. Go.” Loki had the sheets balled up in his fists, his glare on the wall away from me. Lowering my gaze, I said something else quieter.

           “Just relax and get well…all right?” Turning, I paused again and met his gaze finally, my arms crossing to hold myself as I shuffled my feet. “…I really missed you. A lot. You could have died.” Not giving Loki a chance to speak, I made my way out as quickly as I could.

** ** **

            After getting cleaned up, I tried to seek out Thor and found him talking to Sif near the training grounds. I stopped when Fandral joined them and backed off, hoping Thor was alright as Sif and Fandral, while they had slightly differing approaches to their opinions of Loki, both usually knew what to say to Thor. When I instead got the healing room, I crossed over to Frigga as she made her way out.

            “How is he?”

            “Calmed down, I had him drink another tonic and got him to eat,” she sighed. “He should apologize for his actions this morning. The entire healing room heard the shouting.”

            “Yes, he should. Though, I also do understand to an extent. But, I just want him healthy right now," I shook my head. "Is he seeing anyone besides you?”

            “I am afraid not,” Frigga spoke somberly, “have you spoken to Thor?”

            “No but he’s near the training grounds. I imagine you should speak with him after this morning.” The Queen nodded in agreement. “Frigga, whatever they say…I know that they do love each other so much. Sometimes the fighting...it frightens me a bit. But, I know at the end of the day, they're all they need.” I tried and she beamed a little at me.

            “Whether they wish to admit it or not.”

** ** **

            Hours later and I still hadn’t gone to see Loki. Dinner ended and I left the dining room alone. Instead of going to my room, I found myself nearing the healing room again but paused by a row of pillars. He might not see me still, in fact I was sure of it as it was still the first day. It probably felt like ages to the prince. Leaning against the wall, I smoothed out my dinner dress and thought for a moment _. I want to see Loki. What if he saw me without actually seeing me? I could even get in through the window._ Making my decision, I looked around to see if anyone was near and backed up into the shadows. Comfortable, I exhaled and let energy surge up my body while I closed my eyes.  _Breathe. Concentrate. I can do this._  When I opened them I was low on the floor, my new skill putting itself to use. _Okay, I think I really like this._  Flicking my tail, I stretched and got the feel for the new form before I trotted down the dark hallway. _How strange._

            Jumping from one ledge to another, I made my way to Loki’s momentary chambers; luckily the healing room was on the lower floor of the palace. The balcony doors were shut but I peered in through the curtains and saw the prince in bed with a book open in his lap and many more books around him. I assumed Frigga had them brought over once the room was cleaned again. Noticing a window was opened, I got onto the golden railing and slipped in with ease.  _This form could actually come in handy someday._  Loki didn’t seem to notice me, he sat propped up against the many pillows in the large bed. Without making a sound, I rounded the bed and sat straight, peering up at him. Loki lowered the book and furrowed his brow before tilting his head to look at me.  _What do I do?_

            “ _Mew…_ ” I offered. _I am truly perfection incarnate with this spot on portrayal._

            “How did you get in here? I assure you that my company is not what you desire.”

            “ _Meow_ ,” I persisted, stretching to bring my paws up on the side of the bed, flexing my claws. Loki gave me an intrigued look before reaching down to hold out his hand. Reluctantly, I sniffed at him and nudged my nose into his fingers before rubbing against him affectionately. _Pet me already._ Instead, Loki grabbed the back of my neck and lifted my small form to look at me, unfazed when I hissed at him.  _Okay, really not what I had in mind._  I took a second to observe his appearance, realizing he looked healthier. Hanging there a moment, I watched him stare back at me before I hissed again and swatted at him with my paw.

            “Not as  _sweet_  as you appear, little beast,” Loki seemed amused and slowly set me down on the bed. “I suppose I shall let you stay then, if you do not mind staring at a  _humiliation_.” He paused, eyes flickering to me before he caved. “My damned brother is persisting with me for a reason I cannot figure and I lashed out at the woman I love, also for reasons I cannot figure. Earlier, I had poison trying to find my heart and even now I cannot even leave this bed. My mother has been here four times while my father, none, as he cannot get away from Vanaheim and here I am speaking to an animal.”

            Slowly, I nudged my head into his hand until he ran his fingers over my short fur. For a moment, I was wistful at the fact that he’d so easily poured some of his thoughts out to a strange animal and not to me.  _Well, me in person._  When his broad hand shifted over my head, I craned my neck to lick his palm.

          “I really must be mad.” Loki glanced down at his book again and I paused before prodding at his arm with my nose until he lifted it so I could settle half on his lap. He let the back of his fingers rub against me idly and I purred while he continued to read silently. We shared a long silence and I curled up a little as he turned the page. I allowed him to read until the book was drooping in his hands and I lifted my head to see him dozing. Sitting up in his lap, Loki jerked up slightly and rubbed his eyes before closing the book and setting it aside.

            “ _Meow_ ,” I sounded loudly.  _Get into bed, Loki._ He smirked, drinking some water and I got up, my paws on his chest as I stretched to nuzzle my nose into his chin.

            “Staying here for the night, little beast?” Loki laid back, idly touching his wrapped side and I nudged at his arm to get him to stop. Exhaling, he stared up at the ceiling and I moved off him to curl up at his unwounded side. Nonchalantly, he touched my fur again, finger tracing down my spine and I purred, relaxed and happy that I could bring him some comfort. Loki waved his other hand and the lamp went out with the only sound in the room being his soft breaths and my slight purrs. There was a slow beat before he spoke softly in the dark. “My damn brother persists because he bloody loves me…and I lashed out at the woman I love because she was there and I am a fool. I will always be a fool…”  _Know that I do love you._  I could hear the sleep threatening to overtake him before I licked his arm and nuzzled into him.  _I really shouldn’t fall asleep, I’m probably not strong enough to hold the illusion this long yet._  But, I was so comfortable and Loki’s hand was settled on my back and I realized this was the first time we’d shared an actual bed in weeks. So, I closed my eyes and sleep consumed me almost instantly.

** ** **

            I awoke in the early hours of the morning, my head now on Loki’s shoulder while I lie tucked into his arm. With one of my arms slung over him, my eyes went wide when I realized I was back to normal again. Lifting my head, I looked down at my dress from yesterday then at Loki, still fast asleep under me. My hand hovered over his face, I wanted to trace over his cheekbone and down across his jaw and lips but I instead recoiled. I considered staying and allowing him to see me but I wanted to do this again, so the moment his face twitched, I shapeshifted back into a feline. Waking, Loki exhaled and tried to prop himself up when I jumped from the bed. He peered at me as I leapt into the windowsill, swishing my tail.

            “Off to cause trouble I hope.” Loki tilted his head at me and I would have smiled at him. The handle on the door moved and I jumped out before he could say anything more. Bounding down the hallway, I waited until I neared my room and no one was around before shifting back and heading in to get ready for the day.

** ** **

            “Are you going to speak with him?” Fandral asked as our swords clashed.

            “I…don’t know. Probably. Either before or after dinner. How was Thor?” I jumped back and he swung, missing me.

            “Brooded for a long time before spending hours on the training grounds until he was the  _golden prince_  of Asgard once more.”

            “I see.” It didn’t surprise me as Thor and Loki quarreled often without resolution. Which worried me. Shaking my thoughts away, I thrust and Fandral parried easily before we held there a moment.

            “Have you seen Loki since the incident at all?”

            “Not exactly…” I lied partly, bringing my sword up as he countered my attack before pushing and spinning to send a blow my way. Clenching my jaw, I blocked him and held steady. “I’m trying to give him some time.”

            “You spent weeks away from the prince, quit shuffling and go visit.”

            “Worried for Loki’s well-being?” I parried quickly, planting my feet in the dirt ground.

            “After our weeks on Vanaheim, it is a time for celebration, my lady. There have been far too many warriors sulking about. Including you.”

            “ _Ha_ ,” I rolled my eyes as he blocked my next swing, “well, quit talking and fight me properly so I can  _celebrate_  after.” Fandral raised an eyebrow when his leg surged out and, before I could react, he tripped me with ease. Gasping, I tumbled backwards and looked up to see his sword at my throat and a smile on his face.

            “That is three of five that I have won. Shall we celebrate now or later?” He lowered his blade and I shot him a playful glare. Reaching down, Fandral grabbed my hand and I allowed him to pull me up. “You’ve been here long enough, you want to go, so  _go_.”

            “Fine,” I chuckled lightly, “what would I do without you?”

            “I imagine all of Asgard would be an unpleasant place,” Fandral grinned wider and I pushed at his arm.

            “ _Indeed._  I’ll leave…but right after this, I need to  _repay_  you after that win,” I paused, smirking as I looked passed him at a familiar warrior. “Sif!” I waved her over and Fandral’s smile faltered. Grinning, Sif came over to greet us. First time I ever saw Fandral swoon in my life was after his first loss to the might of Lady Sif in their first spar.

            “Evening. Fancy a bout?”

            “Perhaps another time,” I beamed, “I’m finished for the day but, Fandral needs someone to spar with now. Wants a challenge.”  I gave his shoulder a pat. “Think you can take over here for me?”

            “Certainly, my friend,” Sif smirked. “If Fandral is up for another run?”

            “If the lady insists,” came his response and he bowed his head.

            “Thank you, Sif. I’ll see you both at dinner.” I licked my lips, shooting Fandral a sly smile after Sif turned to get into place.

            “What would I do without  _you_ , my lady?” He exhaled, partially amused.

            “Well, you wouldn’t be sporting new bruises at dinner now.” I waved while he shot me a flat look. “Have fun.”

** ** **

            After a bath and change of clothes, I made my way into the healing room.  _Should I knock?_ I had my fist up but faltered, grasping the small bag in my other hand tighter.  _Loki would rather talk to a cat then-…no, none of that today,_  I scolded myself and realized I was still standing there while healers worked behind me. Moira offered me a smile and waved her hand so I beamed in return, sighing out before I looked forward. Shaking my head, I gathered my will and turned the doorknob.  _You can do this._ Peering in, I saw Loki reading on the bed, propped up against the headboard with pillows nestled behind him. When his green eyes flickered to me, every thought in my head went away as the door shut behind me so I stammered the first thing that came to mind.

            “Are you…thirsty?”  _What the hell?_   I bit my lip and amusement flashed over his face.

            “No.” Slowly, he raised a hand to curl his fingers, beckoning me over. Though, he appeared confused when I instead walked to the foot of the bed, setting my hand on the golden frame.

            “I came to check you over and change your bandage; told Frigga I’d do it for her.”

            “That all?”

            “No…” I shook my head, offering him a slight smile while I tried to relax. “Mostly, I wanted to see you.” Why was my heart speeding so? Reluctantly, I moved around the bed and took a seat, setting my bag next to me before I reached out. When Loki handed me his book, I allowed my lip to curl up when I met his gaze and set it away. “How are you feeling?”

            “Fine,” he paused, “but you are not going help get me out of here yet, are you?”

            “Afraid not,” I smirked lightly, reaching to undo his bandage. “You’ve been pulling at these.”

            “They itch. I have behaved,” came his soft reply and I smiled again.

            “I’m not sure that word is in your vocabulary,” I pulled the wrappings down to observe the wound. It was still tender and swollen but the purple had faded to a dark, irritated red. Exhaling, I pulled a jar from my bag, “this will likely be as unpleasant as it was last time.”

            “A fortunate thing that I do not fully recall it,” he remarked and I scoffed softly, watching him brace himself when I moved to rub ointment over the wound. He tensed and hissed but held still as I continued.

            “Thor did it last time for you,” I replied and Loki’s gaze snapped to mine before his eyes averted quickly. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t expect it, so I said something else. “I’m told Odin should be back today. How were our allies in Vanaheim?”

            “Better. They are safe now. I shall show you Vanaheim one day.” He got me to beam up at him.

            “I begged to go but it was not up to me on who went and who stayed.”

            “You were needed in the healing room, I imagine your first obligations are to them at the present time since studying under my mother formally, unless we require the extra warriors.” He winced, jerking and I paused.

            “Sorry, I’m about done,” I wiped down my hands, feeling his gaze on me as I looked at the wound. “Lift your arms.” Shifting forward, I moved to wrap the bandages around his torso, my arms circled his back to go around him once. As I went around him a second time, I felt his cool breath on my neck before he inhaled and I lingered. Slowly rolling the bandage around Loki, I felt him taking in the scent of my hair and had to stop my eyes from fluttering closed. Coming back to myself, I finished up and secured them before moving back to look at his face. “Don’t fuss with them this time.”

            “If I am on my very best behavior, will you assist in getting me out of here?”

            “I’ll consider it,” I watched him lick his lips as I touched his arm, fingers trailing lightly over his skin. I bent one leg to bring it up on the bed so I could better face him. “Just concentrate on getting better, you gave us all a pretty bad scare.”

            “I am afraid that it will take far more to get rid of me,” Loki’s hand found my knee and I twitched like I wanted to shift away but held still.

            “I can live with that,” I smiled up at him. “We’ve lessons to pick up on next week and I missed Asgard’s favorite sorcerer.”

            “Favorite is hardly appropriate but I appreciate the sentiment,” he was amused.

            “Well, you’re  _my_  favorite then,” I paused, “and Thor’s.” Loki’s gaze averted and I exhaled. “You knew I was going to bring it up… What happened after we healed you, please don’t think Thor doesn’t care for you. He does and I wanted to be sure you knew it.”

            “I have let what happened go, it is nothing, forget it,” he spoke shortly and I searched his face a moment before nodding simply. I wouldn’t push him now. “Oh and I have missed you as well. I was cruel to you when I woke. I apologize. My temper got the better of me and I need to...rethink when I'm in that state.” Loki’s voice was quieter, his hand moved to touch my hair falling over my shoulder. My fingers trailed up over his collar and behind his neck to pull him toward me, our foreheads touched and I closed my eyes.

            “I forgive you and I do appreciate the apology. Don’t go disappearing on me,” I murmured, hearing his hum in response.

            “I have no plans to,” came his reply when I looked back up at him, my hand sliding to his chest. Parting his lips, Loki’s emerald eyes trailed down my face and he exhaled against me. I looked at his mouth and back up at his eyes, my fingers trailing over his collarbone before I leaned in. As Loki moved forward, I realized we hadn’t kissed in weeks and my bottom lip trembled when I caught my breath. Something inside me twisted and I stopped, Loki noticed and an expression I couldn’t read crossed his face. He instead leaned further to me. But, just as Loki slid in, the door burst open and I stood from the bed so fast, I almost slipped.

            “Father,” Loki sat straight and winced while Odin strode in, his hands clasped in front of him.

            “Your majesty,” I addressed him respectfully, bowing low.

            “You may rise, my lady, you command this room right now. Not I.” Odin spoke and I looked back up as he set a hand on Loki’s shoulder. My cheeks flushed pink at the King. “How is my son?”

            “Very strong, my King. He’s healing well,” I smiled.

            “They will not allow me to leave this room, father,” Loki muttered and Odin chuckled heartily.

            “I am afraid that Frigga’s word rules over mine in the healing room,” the King replied.

            “I should leave you both to speak. We’re taking good care of him, your majesty,” I bowed again to both of them. “I’ll visit you again tomorrow,” touching Loki’s opposite shoulder, I smiled, “get well.” Odin nodded to me and I moved to leave.

            “Thor informed me that you were wounded in protecting him,” he began behind me. “He said you were brave. There is no one better fit to advise from his right on that first step when he is King. You should see him, he's told everyone about your valor. Attendants will bring all tokens and flowers to your chambers. Loki, trying to force marriage on you and...attempting to control your path was wrong, my son. I should have said it sooner.”

            “He…He told you that? No, father, don't apologize to me. I understand our realm. I...thank you.” Loki replied, even now, while I opened the door and shut it, not hearing anymore before a hopeful smile crossed my face.

** ** **

            After dinner, I was trotting down the hallway in the shadows again, eager to sneak back into Loki’s temporary room. I passed a few guards while I turned the corner and kept closer to the wall behind the rows of pillars. Getting outside, I followed my usual path and got onto the balcony. The window was only cracked and I frowned inwardly but paused when I realized Loki wasn’t alone. The Queen was seated on his bed with Loki’s head in her lap while she stroked his hair and I realized then that he was sniffling. The moment was sweet, like Loki was a child again and I felt like I was intruding.

              “Let it out, my son. You’ve been through much in the past few days,” Frigga set a hand on his shoulder and I wondered if I should just leave but couldn’t find the will to move.

            “Damned Thor made me seem weak,” Loki hissed, “I know that father could see it. He was  _humoring_ me.”

            “He was proud of you both, Loki,” the mother insisted. "Thor would never do such a thing. Not to the person he loves most in this world."

            “And then  _she_  is acting so…different around me. I do not know how to explain it.”  _Was I?_  I thought and realized he was right. The fear left from his poisoning had me scared so I’d backed off farther than I’d thought. The mere thought of losing someone had a funny and somber way of causing a person to inch further away from what they cherish. As if I was protecting myself in a strange way. It made me feel both guarded and selfish.

            “You both have been separated for a long while and she felt she almost lost you, Loki. Allow her thoughts to catch up with everything that has happened as she allows your thoughts to do the same,” Frigga kissed his head as he sat up.

            “I cannot even assemble the mettle to tell her how I really felt in my time away. How I not only missed her. I longed for the way her face lit up when she looked to me. The way she would often daydream or stare at the night sky in such a way that I always wondered what was going through her head. That damned smell of roses and amber from her hair and skin. No, I could not tell her that in the hours before I was to leave, I spent the night with my head on her chest as she slept, attempting to memorize the exact sound and pacing of her heart. She cannot know what a damned fool I am,” Loki inhaled sharply and let out a shuddered breath before he lowered his head. “She has loved me for so long and still I cannot fathom it on occasion. Have I made it fade?”

            “You are not a fool, Loki. Somehow, in her heart, I believe that she knows how you feel,” Frigga soothed and I almost missed her eyes avert to me behind the window. “Love neither makes you weak, nor foolish. You must always remember this.” She touched the side of his face. “When you are loved, the last thing that you should do is ask why.”

** ** **

            Frigga left not long after and for a moment, I watched Loki sit there. My wounded prince let out another shuddered breath, hunched over a little on the bed. He reached up, his palm pressing flat over his chest and rubbing the area over his heart. Furrowing his brow, Loki closed his eyes for a second and breathed once more so slowly. With him looking so lost and not knowing what to do with himself, it had to be one of the most innocent displays I’d ever seen. When he opened his eyes, I allowed myself to move once more and settled a paw on the window.

            “ _Meow_ ,” I scratched at the glass, my small claws curling into the cracked window and Loki’s head bolted up.

            “You again?” He wiped any trace of his sadness away and I persisted.

            “ _Meow_!”

            “Fine. Be silent, little beast,” Loki stood on shaken legs and pressed a hand to his bandage while he paced over, opening the window far enough for me to slip in. He must have been tired because he didn’t think to use magic. Leaping down from a bookcase, I immediately nuzzled into his legs while I circled him. Stretching, I laid my paws on his calf before my claws dug into his skin lightly. “ _Ah_! Yes, yes, I know that you are friendly.” The prince bent down to sweep me away and inwardly I was amused when he turned to go back to the bed.

            “ _Mew_ ,” I sounded quieter, bounding onto the bed just as he got back in. I saw his hand move under the blanket and pounced on it, causing Loki to chuckle finally. Proud that I’d made him laugh, I got onto his legs and curled up before he began to pet me idly as he pulled out a book.

          “What is this playful mood?” When he brought his hand over my head, I latched onto it and bit into webbing between his thumb and pointer finger gently. Loki tugged away, entertained as I rolled over in his lap and stood to knead at the blankets draped over him, making it more comfortable. “Damn you, settle down for a while.” He spoke, resuming petting me when I nudged my nose into his hand and tucked my paws under myself.  _You’re one to talk,_  I thought sarcastically, glancing at the book he was reading. Content, I purred and stayed there quietly until he decided to sleep for the night. Maybe I’ll stop guarding myself another day.

** ** **

            The next few days went on in the same manner until Loki had healed and was allowed to leave. Our conversations remained the same when I was myself in front of him and we’d barely touched since having our kiss interrupted. Being out of sync for so long had its effect on how we acted around each other. Deciding that it might be time to surprise him, I shapeshifted and waited until he left his room to follow after him down the hallway.

          “What is that creature doing in the palace, brother?” I heard Thor speak a bit later when I turned a corner and froze. Loki paused to turn at the same time. A large hand picked me up by the scruff of my neck and I groaned inwardly at the familiar position.  _Frigga picked me up nicely, did she teach you both nothing?_

          “Thor, leave it be. You’ve already upset it,” Loki clasped his hands behind his back and approached. I hissed at Thor and bared my sharp fangs while he chuckled, blue eyes sparkling.

            “Such a fierce creature, acting like it can wound- _ow_!” Thor grabbed his jaw when I’d swatted at him, smacking his skin without my claws fully out. Loki smirked widely while Thor held me farther out of reach when I’d hissed again, the sound turning to a drawn out growl as my ears went flat.

            “I warned you.  _Honestly_ , brother. The future king cannot even handle a small feline?”

            “I am handling this just fine! …Is it yours?” Thor touched his face to make sure he wasn’t bleeding, still holding me in the air.

            “I suppose. It has been following me the past week,” Loki held out his hands and took me in his arms.  _Much better._  “Let everyone else know to leave it alone when they see it.”

            “Train it to be kinder,” Thor mumbled and I hissed at him again, causing him to growl back at me in return wholeheartedly and Loki chuckled at us.

            “I like the little beast the way it is actually,” Loki scratched my head and I purred, my tail swishing. “Handle it  _properly_  next time, brother.” The younger prince nodded before he turned to go and Thor huffed. “You and I will get along just fine after that,” came his murmur. Deciding to allow Loki to carry me, he brought me to the library and went up to the second floor. “I must admit, I rather missed his place. Scratch the books and you will lose those paws,” he set me down on a counter and I stood straight, my tail curling around my legs. Loki touched his chin, glancing through book covers before he picked up one tome and then another. “Should I teach invisibility or start instruction on runes during my next lesson?” He asked idly and I tilted my head.  _Now is as good as ever._  Abruptly, I leapt off the counter and shifted midair, landing behind him.

            “I’m thinking runes,” I piped up and Loki spun on his heel, barely catching a book he knocked over. “With what I’ve been up to, I’m not sure if I’m up for invisibility.”

            “ _You_ … It…”

            “Surprise.” I gave a nervous grin, my eyebrows lifting while I clasped my hands behind my back. “One of the last books you gave me before you left…it provided me with the idea. I thought it’d be perfect, with you comparing me to a cat so often. I worked on it endlessly in the weeks you’d gone until I perfected it… Did you really not know it was me?” I felt a surge of pride and bit my lip.

            “I mean, the damn thing reminded me of you at a time but I did not consider… You were rather… _convincing._  By the nine, why did you-?”

            “I was already missing our time during lessons since, well,  _before_  you left.” I shuffled my feet. “I’m nowhere near close to your skill, even my cat form resembles me in the slightest but now I see why you enjoy this all so much. I wanted to tell you much earlier but I _just_ couldn’t help myself.”

            “So, you likely overheard a few… _fascinating_  confessions.”

            “Yes and now I can tell you mine.” I paused. “Partly, I did this because it helped me feel closer to you. If I couldn’t spend the time memorizing your heartbeat, I’d memorize another part you hold dear. Magic is…freeing and it’s brought us closer together I think. Plus,” I shrugged, “it was actually a lot of fun sneaking around and playing with everyone as an animal. Frigga caught me and knew almost immediately.” I chuckled and slowly he smiled which made me relax.

            “That does not surprise me.”

            “Might I add that she handled me nicely,” I crossed my arms and he smirked, going back to picking and moving books. “Both you and Thor deserved my  _feline_   _wrath_.”

            “You are not going to tell anyone about your new development, yes?”

            “Loki,” I stepped up to him, “what fun would that be?”

            “Oh dear,” he gave a slight  _tsk_  sound. “So I really have rubbed off on you. Is this a sign that you wish to teach yourself from now on?”

            “ _Never_ , I was miserable learning without you,” I smiled, “also, I had to hide a pair of fake cat ears that wouldn’t go away the first time I tried for a few hours longer than I would have liked… The next try, a tail was added to the mix,” I bit the inside of my cheek when he laughed, turning to grin at me.

            “In that case, I can assure you that runes are much simpler,” he passed me a book, still amused so I tucked it under my arm. “Though, they get complicated when you infuse them inside your body.”

            “And we’re really going to-”

            “Oh yes, I shall show you mine, you will be able to show me yours. We may even have a grandold time.” Loki smirked and I smiled at him.

            “Are you jaded that I pulled one over you finally?”

            “Smug now, sweetheart?”

            “I bet you found me  _adorable_  too,” I giggled, hiding my smile behind the book in my hands. As I laughed at his expression, I realized this was the first time we acted like things were before he left.

            “I could still give you another  _lovely_  pair of cat ears you cannot remove.”

            “Alright, alright,” I licked my lips when he handed me another book, “I’m done…for now.” Loki smirked, handing me two more.

            “Shall we begin?”

** ** **

            “ _What_? No.”

            “Oh yes,” Loki insisted but I shook my head.

            “Not happening.”

            “Oh. Do you not have faith in me?” He tilted his head with bright but devious green eyes.

            “Don’t give me that look!” I crossed my arms. “You want to attack me to test the runes embedded in my body. I’m already sore from it. I am not-”

            “There is not another way, I went through this with my mother, now you will. Will it help if I allow you to cast a spell on me first to assure you?” Loki raised an expectant eyebrow and I bit the inside of my cheek.

            “It might.”

            “Too bad, hold still,” he raised a hand and sparks erupted around his palm.

            “Hey! Wait,” I’d put up a ward and Loki rolled his eyes.

            “You are defeating the purpose. The runes I put in your back will not protect against all but they will make it easier to withstand magic shot at you. This will be a small ache at most.”

            “I bet you’ve been  _aching_  to do this all day after I tricked you,” I braced myself against the table in front of the windows and he simply shrugged.

            “I haven’t a clue of what you are speaking of, sweetheart. Now hold still for me so I can shoot these sparks through your body and test the runes, it is as simple as that. I recall you asking for this lesson.”

            “I didn’t think you were going to send destruction spells at me!” I huffed, bringing my ward down.

            “Are you ready to cooperate with me now?” Loki asked while I set my hands on my hips, exhaling sharply.

            “Sure, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

            “Much better, now shift your body away from the window and stand in front of the wall.”

            “Why?”

            “Well if it does not work, I do not wish to send you through the window and falling down the many stories of the palace,  _sweetheart_.”

            “ _Loki_!” I chided him when he looked entertained by my expression.

            “I was looking out for you,” he insisted so I moved in front of the stone wall, planting my feet.

            “Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled, steadying my breathing when I tucked some hair behind my ear. “Alright,” I glanced at him and closed my eyes, bracing myself. “Just…Just do it.” I could hear the sparks crackle and my body burned suddenly. “ _Ngh_!” I clenched my teeth shut and forced my eyes open. My vision was blurred but I could make out my surroundings as Loki kept up. There was pain but it was bearable, I could still stand and hold myself together.

            “You see.”

            _“Yes,”_ I nodded, “it’s, _uh,_ fine…” Loki released the spell and my knees trembled but I kept my footing.

            “It will only get better from here on. I told you so.”

            “Oh hush,” I smirked slightly and pushed at him when I passed to the table with our books on it. “Runes are a bit frightening,” I turned the page. “You can put them on something to suppress magic or cause pain, how scary.”

            “Which is why our kind must do well to stay ahead of all else and avoid those.” Loki had moved behind me and I felt his hand against the small of my back. “Speaking of staying ahead, turn to chapter fourteen.” I did so and scanned the page. “You will likely find enjoyment in these.”

            “Using runes as a trap,” I turned my head to look at him.

            “You cast a rune on the ground with the hopes an enemy will walk over it. While dangerous, they are useful if cast correctly. I expect you to handle these with care.”

            “You can trust me,” I muttered distractedly, turning the page. “I’m very careful.”

** ** **

            Hidden under a bench while the sky changed colors, I watched a few warriors on the training grounds after dinner. I didn’t come outside often in this form but I hadn’t practiced in a few days after the runes lesson and the fresh air was nice.

            “I’m about done for the night, my friends,” someone sat on the bench above me and I realized it was Fandral. Volstagg propped his axe up next to himself and Hogun lowered his mace.

            “You leave while Sif is making her way out of the palace.” Hogun noted, moving to a bench parallel to ours and Volstagg chuckled. “Hm.”

            “What are you implying?” Fandral insisted and Volstagg shook his head. “No, come now, out with it, gents.”

            “You have clearly been avoiding her.”

            “I have most certainly  _not_ been avoiding her,” Fandral stood and I poked my head out to see him looking for something. “It is a mere coincidence.”

            “Is that what you’d call the other four times?”

            “Bah! You are imagining things, Hogun,” Fandral waved his hand. “Where are my gloves?” When I spotted one on the grass, an idea sparked and I moved forward to pick it up between my teeth. Fandral thanked Volstagg when he handed him one but turned to see me with the other. “Hey! Don’t you chew on that,” he stepped forward and I bounded under him, running between his legs. “Get back here before I make a hat out of you!” Fandral was shouting so I broke into a sprint toward the palace and Volstagg was laughing loudly behind him.  _You’ll forgive me for this, Fandral._ Spotting Sif as she paced past a row of columns and the sky grew darker, I raced over with Fandral still a ways behind me. Jumping up onto a ledge, I caught Sif’s attention and she crossed her arms.

            “Ah, I believe Thor spoke about you a few days ago, heard you got him good,” she crossed her arms and glanced down at the glove I’d dropped, recognizing it. “Perhaps you should spend less time around your companion, Loki.” She picked it up and turned to see Fandral skid to a stop.

            “Sif!” He puffed, straightening up.

            “Fandral. The little creature giving you a good run?” She idly scratched my chin and I purred with ease.

            “No! I… It…”

            “So eloquent today. You lose the ability to speak since last I saw you?” Sif teased and I watched her hand Fandral his glove while he gave a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head.

            “My lady, I assure you that my words are as sharp as my sword,” Fandral got himself together and I inwardly grinned.

          “Let us hope both are as sharp as your footwork next time we spar.”

          “I implore you to have at me, my lady.” Pleased with myself, I hopped down and slipped away, trotting across the grass as the moon shone brightly down on me. Relaxed, I slowed and enjoyed the air and the feel of the lawn under my paws.

            “What’s this, Loki’s little pet?” A gruff voice spoke and another deeper one chuckled next to it. On guard, my ears perked up and two large warriors cornered me against the palace wall. _Herlof. Ugh._  “I’m sure he will miss you.”

            “We should hang her up at his door,” his friend added, scratching his beard and I hissed, eyes averting for an escape route. They both were drunk. “Bet he’ll appreciate that show.”

            “Come here, you stupid-” abruptly I growled as Herlof held a long spear toward me and they both laughed. I could turn back and bring them both down but I couldn’t have people finding out who I really was yet.  _Plan B then. Run._

            “Feisty thing.” His friend had a sack ready when my growl got louder, I darted between them but got knocked in the head by the metal, blunt end of the weapon. Dazed, I stumbled as Herlof kicked me in the side and sent me back into the wall. Grabbing my tail, he lifted me roughly and I swiped, sending my claws across his face. “ _Argh!_ ” Herlof tossed me again into the hard palace wall and they both advanced. I heard something  _whoosh_  through the air and lifted my gaze.

            “Hey!” Another female voice cut in and Herlof’s friend hit the grass suddenly, holding his head after it had been smacked with a staff. Moira stood there, teeth bared. "Drop it!" _Where had she even come from?_

            “It attacked me!” He gestured to his bleeding face while his friend moaned in pain on the grass. 

            “That isn’t what I saw and I think Heimdall would agree.” Moira's glare was intently on him. “You and your friend here are leaving now. I'll tell the guards and the King will know his warriors are displaying themselves this way. I curry favor with the Queen. They can take your status as a warrior away like that.”

            “I could crush you, you little-” Herlof was cut off when her staff crashed into his forehead. He hitched a moan and dropped, landing on his friend while I escaped his hand. They both passed out. 

            "Shoo, back to the prince with you." Moira puffed and cocked her head. Awed, I scurried off without much else. My entire body screamed out for me to stop when I jumped up onto a ledge.  _Come on_ , I pressed myself and hopped up, climbing the palace walls a pain shot up my legs and something warm began to drip down my fur. _Just a few more_ , I wanted to collapse but held it together until I dropped onto Loki’s balcony. The floor was cold while I shifted back with a grunt and fell against the thick balcony rail.

            “ _Mmm_ …” I whimpered softly, touching the tender spot at the bottom of my rib cage that was bleeding. Blinking, I wiped some more blood from my temple and watched Loki’s dim room through the glass, my eyes searching for him. “Loki?” I coughed when the glass door whipped open and he appeared with a dagger ready, appearing to think I was in intruder. “You caught me, I’m here to assassinate you,” I spoke flatly. He exhaled and lowered the blade, his gaze hardened.

            “What the hell happened to you?” Loki marched over and pulled me up, not faltering when I whined.

          “…Funny story. Herlof and his lot still hate us…and think attacking a cat is a good idea.”

          “Is this what you call  _very careful_?” Loki asked sarcastically, clearly upset as he helped me inside to sit on his couch.

          “I was out practicing as you’ve taught me and there was an issue. A friend intervened and I ran off. That’s all.”

          “I did not bloody well teach you to get hurt!” He seethed, taking my face to angle it so he could heal the cut. My breath hitched when he went on and wiped the blood away before he sat back. “Off,” the angry prince ordered, gesturing for me to remove my outer shirt, which I did, leaving the thin top on underneath.

            “I seem to recall you getting wounded on occasion,” I shot back when Loki forced me down against the cushion to heal my side next. He kneeled next to the couch to continue. “ _Ow_!” Loki shot me a stern look as his hand glowed lightly and the pain faded somewhat. “I can even think of a recent time when  _someone_  came back from Vanahei-”

            “I’m not parading around the palace as a creature and I do not get caught.”

            “ _Oh please_ ,” I huffed, my head falling back against the pillow. “If it helps, I did get his face pretty badly. Something to admire the next few days if he doesn’t heal it.”

            “I would rather it not have happened as I don’t enjoy finding you wounded on my balcony.”

            “You don’t want me leaving puddles at your door, you don’t want me wounded on your balcony; whatever do you want from me?” I joked lightly. He finished and allowed me to sit up. “Either way, thanks…and I do apologize. I got carried away. Can't believe Moira can hit that hard.” I touched my side idly, the tender bruises gone already before forming. Settling my hands on his shoulders when he stayed on his spot in front of me, I smiled. “I’ll try to avoid this again.”

            “I imagine that it is in your best interest to do so,” Loki replied. “Have more care from now on. You said, Moira saved you? Little healer?”

            “Appeared from nowhere and smacked the hell out of them both. It was amazing. I adore her. ...While you give good advice, I believe that you should also take it on occasion,  _god of mischief_ ,” I smirked after he gave me a look of innocence while his hands found my knees.

            “I did not come up with that.”

            “Yes, but it fits really well,” I admitted. “Too well.” Idly, I grasped his collar, adjusting it and not ready for him to get up yet. He shifted but I held him on the spot.

            “Why is it that you are stalling now?”

            “Stalling…?” I drawled, eyes up and down. “I don’t know what you mean.”

            “Really, then I will just,” he moved to get up but I tugged him forcefully back into place.

            “You think…that…I’m stalling you… Huh?” I tilted my head. “I’m just thinking, give me a moment.” Loki shot me a look of disbelief, thumbs tracing circles into my leg.

            “You should know that I am still bothered by what occurred and those large eyes of yours will not change that.”

            “Well, I  _did_  ask what you wanted from me and you didn’t start firing off demands as per usual,” I trailed my eyes down his pale face, shooting closer as I went on. “That being the case, I guess I’m left here to  _stall_  until you can figure something out so I’ll just talk and talk to my heart’s content and- _Hmmff_ ,” I muffled when his hand pressed over my mouth, the other slipped over my collar and behind my neck, fingers tangling into my hair.

            “I want you to cease stalling and be silent for a moment,” he murmured, eyes flickering over mine. Entertained underneath his hand, I trailed my fingers over his and pulled his palm from my lips.

            “You might…have to do better than that,” came my reply while I tried to control my hands when they shook. I watched his eyes avert to look at them before his palm traced over my jaw instead and I lowered my hands to clasp my fingers together in my lap. Loki held me in place and his gaze caused me to lower my eyes finally.

            “No,” he spoke instantly and my eyes snapped back to his face. Not able to move my head, I simply had to wait and time felt slower. My bottom lip quivered when I exhaled and Loki drew closer.

            “Now you’re stalling,” I murmured.

            “You do not enjoy it,” he beamed, “do you?”

            “I won’t tell.” My fingers grasped at the fabric of my shirt and hiding my need to kiss him proved to be useless because his damn eyes were reading into my every movement. My brow furrowed and my lips parted slightly with a shaken, silent breath before Loki got closer. I trailed my eyes down before I allowed them to slide closed as he brought me toward him. Our lips touched softly and I hoped he could feel every bit of longing I’d bottled up in the weeks he’d gone. Something connected and Loki tilted his head to capture my lips fully, sighing against me as he did. Allowing myself to touch him, my arms slipped behind his neck to abruptly pull him closer. Loki let out another breath laced in amusement when we barely parted and then kissed once more. My hand skimmed over his jaw lightly so he released me when we pulled back again and I opened my eyes. “I’ve really missed you.” I confessed suddenly, needing to repeat myself and a familiar smirk graced his expression.

            “I have missed you as well.”

** ** **

            The healing room was quiet this next day when I entered, looking around for the familiar face.

            "Moira." I beckoned, crossing over with a bright smile that she matched.

            "Afternoon. Are you here today?"

            "Not until later, Frigga had something planned for me. Are you busy?"

            "No, it's been dull, but the change is welcomed." She turned the glass pad in her hand off and faced me.

            "I was thinking about going off grounds for lunch. You've been this amazing help since I started in here, can I buy you a meal?" I clasped my hands. She looked a little surprised, but I didn't often see her with others outside the healing room.

            "Yes. I'd like that." Moira shrugged off her healer robes to come with me.

            "You'll also have to tell me where you got that dress made," I commented and she giggled at me.

             "I know some people. They charge a fair price and friends get a discount. I'll have to take you," she curled her arm into mine. "I have errands to run. There's this tea shop, just opened. They have everything. We should go after."

            "Tea sounds incredible after this last few weeks." I beamed. "I'd love to go."           

** ** **

            “It’s been about a week, you knew I was going to ask,” I turned to set phials away in the cabinet and heard Loki sigh.

            “Out with it I suppose.”

            “Have you been feeling any more bad symptoms since what happened? Are you sure it’s gone for good? Have you-?”

            “Do not act like such a healer, sweetheart,” the prince rolled his eyes and I glanced back to shoot him a look. “Oh, you know what I am implying.”

            “Right,” I snickered lightly, closing the cabinet before I moved to open another. “Come on, tell me you’re perfectly fine and get it over with.”

            “I assure you that mother checked over the healed wound and we are certain that it has fully passed. You do not need to worry over it any longer.”

            “Can’t help it,” I muttered, finishing up my organizing before I exhaled and turned with a smile. “All done, we can go.”

            “ _Finally_ ,” Loki followed me out as I tugged off my robes.

            “Hey,” I nudged at his arm, earning another smirk. “It wasn’t like you helped me and I didn’t take that long.” We paced down a hallway and I watched the sunset outside while we walked passed the row of pillars. Turning a corner, I caught sight of someone sitting alone on the stairs in between two columns and realized it was Thor. The large warrior sat slouched with his elbows on his knees, looking bored and in deep thought. Loki stopped to look at me when I paused and glanced at Thor a ways away.

            “He is just brooding,” Loki forced his gaze from Thor, “do not read into it.” He took another step but stopped to look at his brother again, letting out an agitated breath and my lip curled up.

            “I think you already are.” I paused, glancing at my feet and shrugging. “Go over to him.”

            “Why?”

            “You know why,” I murmured.

            “We already have plans and I’ve  _nothing_  to say to him,” Loki didn’t move still and I huffed.

            “You two have barely spoken since the poison, go have a conversation that counts already. Come on, Loki. Go over. I know you want to. We can meet after dinner instead.” Lightly, I pushed at his back and he shuffled forward. “You are both far too stubborn, move it. That brooding warrior helped nurse your wounds that he blames himself for.”

            “ _Fine_ ,” Loki clenched his jaw shut, “if you’ll leave it be.” Standing straight, I crossed my arms and smiled. Loki gave me a flat look so I moved again, taking his hand to pull him with me.

            “Just go, and I’ll make no promises of that sort,” I kissed his cheek, earning a sigh. “Meet me later.” Loki paused, glancing at me while his expression softened and I offered him a small smile. Squeezing the prince’s hand, I saw him look around before he lifted mine to kiss my knuckles.

           “Until then,  _little beast_.” Loki moved to walk down the hall and go see his brother, clasping his hands behind his back. When the prince sat down, Thor’s expression brightened and he clapped a hand on Loki’s shoulder. Smiling wider, I shook my head and turned to go, allowing the two brothers to hopefully reconcile just a bit.  _Finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you readers!!!!!!


	12. Vanaheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgardians travel to Vanaheim. Loki gets an admirer. Basically, I was challenged to write a "nice girl has crush on main love interest" prompt without being a slut shamer about it and making her into a villain/mean girl. I ended up loving her and she appears later down the line. ((Can you tell I play skyrim bc half my OCs have names taken from that game?))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Year into their relationship now. Lessons are well while they stake a comfort with each other. Not many warnings. Smut. Some fluff. Lady plays assertive in bed. ;) Loki and his love have to spend some time apart while he helps on Vanaheim before Asgardians visit to celebrate with their sister realm.

 

            Often, it was a bad dream. Or it simply was just because I wanted to. Either way, it was usually I who would sneak into Loki’s room at night and crawl under the covers with him. The prince never minded, usually he’d turn to look at me before simply falling back to sleep. Sometimes, if he could tell something was wrong, he’d whisper to me in the dark shadows of his room before we’d end up falling asleep entwined. But, tonight, I was surprised to feel my mattress shift behind me. Exhaling, I turned my head just as Loki put his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. He didn’t say anything and I decided not to ask now, merely facing him and idly caressing his arm before I got comfortable again and allowed sleep to take me.

            “Why did you pay me the visit last night?” I'd asked the next morning and he merely flashed a grin.

            “I need a reason to visit you?” Came his response.

            But, Loki did it again that evening and then the next few nights after. Still, I was met with the same answer and I tried hard not to read into it. Finally, I began to ask again another night but instead allowed him to kiss me instead. I tried hard not to pry and waited for him to open up about it.

            “For magic training later, can we go outside?” I asked, facing the bookshelf on the second floor of the library days later. “You should see how strong the vines are when I don’t have to create them myself. Elemental magic is divine. I don't have to create anything myself. Oh! But, I do also want to show you the forms I’ve been materializing with illusions. Small but, they look less like puddles. I feel like I haven't found my speciality yet. But, maybe I'm closer.”

            “Certainly, though first, I wish to see your wards and simple destruction spells.” Loki spoke from the table behind me as he turned the page in his book. “See how far you can toss me while you protect yourself…if at all.”

            “Don’t be so cocky. Admit it, I’m your best and favorite student. We've been at this well over a year and I'm growing into my own. I feel...confident.”

            “I'm glad and you are my only student.” Loki countered, entertained. “And correct me if I am wrong, but do students usually grant their instructors  _special favors_  of such explicit nature?” I bit the inside of my cheek when my face heated before rolling my eyes.

            “Well, how else would I get you to teach me?” I joked, shooting him a sweet grin.

            “Dear me, I figured that this was your play all along,” his voice was flat. “Our relationship is now at the end, I’m afraid.”

            “It was lovely knowing you and learning all your  _dark secrets_. Suppose I’ll find a way to go on now.” I laughed lightly, setting my book away after I caught his entertained stare. As I turned to walk toward his table, a guard came up the stairs.

            “My prince,” he bowed and Loki merely sat back to look at him, “the Queen wished to meet you later to go over final preparations for your trip.” When I saw Loki tense, I processed the words again and shook my head.  _Trip?_   He shot me a glance before he curtly dismissed the guard while I exhaled and turned to go back into the maze of shelves. _Why would he keep that from me?_ My mind wondered but my annoyance caused me to walk away instead and Loki’s chair raked across the floor, signaling that he was getting up to follow.

            “So this is why you’ve been visiting my bedroom more often, spending more time with me. You couldn’t just tell me you were going somewhere?” I scoffed and I kept walking, not turning to face him when he shuffled after me quietly, almost like a child as he took my wrist.

            “I was going to tell you soon.”

            “Before or after you left?” I turned and crossed my arms. 

            “Mother and I are simply traveling to Vanaheim.”

            “How long?” I breathed, almost reluctant to ask.

            “Two months.” Loki clasped his hands behind his back.

            “ _Two months_?” I repeated. “You’re leaving for two months and you just decided to wait till last minute to tell me.”

            “It was not  _that_  last minute, I still have two days here.”

            “ _Loki_ ,” I groaned. "You said a month ago that you needed to monitor me because my entire being is changing. You said that I was at a point of learning and using a lot of magic on a daily basis that was repressed for thousands of years. It's flooding out."

            “And look at you now, you're leveling out. You're comfortable. All magic warrants some expense. Those who delve into it can be driven mad. They're drained. They often give over their entire body. Some go as far as to sell their souls. You have a long road ahead. You'll soon decide the type of sorcerer you long to be. Sometimes the choice is not up to us, we fall into a pond and splash about. If we're lucky, we enjoy the flow. The first year was difficult for you as it is for all of us, but you're letting yourself unfurl. It will only build from here. Look at you, devouring tomes. Manipulating elements. Casting bouts of energy that get stronger by the day. You can hold your own and you're balancing blade and magic as one. It is frightening, but it cannot control you. I know you well. As for this trip...I didn't intend to go, I agreed after mother asked a few times. I’m not looking forward to it and I didn’t want to give it my thought. We are simply going to assist with the healers and other magic users there to repay their last favor to us and to ensure that their skills are at their very best.”

            “Who all is going?”

            “I’m afraid that only the Queen and I will be going for the trip,” Loki watched me lower my gaze and my arms dropped to my sides. “But, near the end of the stay, they will invite Thor and some warriors to meet for a few final days and enjoy a banquet of thanks to show their gratefulness. You will likely be able to come then with them, in fact, I will ensure you can.” Looking up, I tilted my head. “It will simply be two months.”

            “I know, I just wish you told me earlier…”

            “I am not settled with the idea either and I did not want us to dwell on it. I’m only going because my Mother asked for me specifically and I cannot refuse my Queen.” Loki shrugged his shoulders and moved toward me. “Just think of it, you shall be able to see Vanaheim.”

            “I’ll miss you.” I admitted softly, shifting my stance a bit.

            “And I, you,” Loki nodded for me to follow as he turned, “come with me and we’ll get on with our lesson. Our time together is now numbered.”

            “You can make up for the fact that you didn’t tell me earlier,” I added idly, not gazing at him when he grinned.

            “You’ll be lucky if I permit you to leave the bed tomorrow,  _sweetheart_.”

** ** **

            “Practice frequently while I am gone, I left you detailed instructions in your room. Keep the vines in check and avoid manipulating fire. Don't bother will illusion. Focus on dispelling bouts of pure energy, levitation, and projecting those wards. They'll do a lot for you. For fun...I left the quick change spell you asked about last week.” Loki closed the door after two attendants took his things out to prepare for his trip. I hummed blissfully at that, lips spreading over teeth while I clasped my hands.

            “I will. Thank you, my prince.” I watched him sit on the couch for a moment. “When we meet again, I’ll show you how much I improved.”

            “I shall look forward to it,” he sat back and I leaned against the wall.

            “How much longer till you need to meet Frigga outside?”

            “Twenty or so minutes,” Loki ran a hand into his hair.

            “And then you’re gone for two months…” I breathed.

            “Two months is nothing.”

            “I know,” I crossed my arms. “But, whatever will I do without you and Frigga here to keep me sane?”

            “Seduce my brother and ensure your spot as queen,” the prince remarked and I rolled my eyes.

            “As  _irresistible_  as Thor is, we both know that I’d be tossed from the palace,” I chuckled, glancing away while I moved toward the window to look out at the clear blue sky. “If you or Frigga didn’t get to me first.”

            “Oh, come now,” Loki’s voice changed and I paused, turning back to see he’d shapeshifted into his brother.

            “Loki…” I laughed while he stretched out against the couch, settling his hands behind his head.

            “Am I not  _irresistible_  enough for you?” He said in Thor’s voice and I covered my mouth with my hand. “On our wedding night, I shall even bathe properly.”

            “How tempting. You spoil me.” Pacing over, I touched the back of the couch. “I’ll still never get used to you doing this.”

            “Doing what? I am Thor. I desire battle and eating my way through the entire banquet before overturning the table in a fit of childish rage. My brother is  _far_ superior to me.”

            “Well, unless you wish me to kiss Thor, I suggest you turn back.” I tilted my head and grinned when he did so in an instant before taking my face in his hands.

            “Better?” Loki exhaled against me, raising an eyebrow when I touched his elbow.

            “Much,” I surged forward to capture his lips, my fingers grasping at his clothing to lengthen the kiss for as long as I could. My chest warmed and I realized I wouldn’t be able to do this for two months before someone knocked on the door, forcing us to part.

            “Yes?” Loki called breathlessly, eyes still flickering over my face while he held me there.

            “Your highness, the Queen is ready to meet you.”

            “I’ll be out in a moment,” Loki responded, before pulling me back to resume kissing me.

            “I’ll…” I spoke between heated kisses as he moved to press his lips to my jaw and neck, “…miss you.” Loki inhaled the scent of my hair, his hand surging into it before he gave me one more long kiss and forced himself back.

            “Come see me off,” Loki released me and I nodded before he took my hand to lead me out. “Oh,” he began to dig into his pocket. We paced down the hallway and he produced a gold key on a chain. “As you are well aware, my chambers are covered in enchantments but this key will allow you in if needed. You are the only being permitted in now.”

            “All right…” I offered softly, smiling a little when he pressed it into my free hand. Idly, I put it around my neck and the hid the key under my top. Outside, the sun shined down as a stable boy handed Frigga the reigns for her horse. Thor was at her side with the King opposite him when Loki and I got closer.

            “Take care of each other, boys,” Frigga smiled when Odin kissed her hand.

            “Mother, Father,” Loki greeted his parents, running this hand along his horse’s neck.

            “I shall ensure the safety of your  _beloved_ , brother,” Thor grinned and Loki rolled his eyes.

            “I am certain that is just what she needs,” Loki replied, his thumb rubbed a circle into my skin.

            “Set a good example for us in Vanaheim,” the king spoke, “they will have our most talented sorcerers to look to for guidance.” Loki bowed his head and I caught his lip twitching upward as he turned to round the horse. While his family spoke behind him, Loki glanced at me and seized the opportunity to press his lips to mine quickly before I gazed down.

            “It’s just two months,” I told myself. "We've dealt with time before."

            “Just two months,” he smiled before reluctantly letting go of me to mount his horse.

            “Thor,” Frigga smiled sweetly, “kiss your brother goodbye for now.” Both Thor and Loki made faces of disdain and I snickered lightly.

            “I do not know where he’s  _been_ ,” Loki spoke.

            “And I have a feeling your lady would not appreciate it,” Thor added.

            “No, I’m fine with it,” I smiled, earning matching flat looks.

            “By the nine, you two, can you not say one decent thing to the other?” Odin shot his sons a stern look and Loki exhaled, glancing down at Thor.

            “I suppose you can swing a hammer adequately, brother,” Loki spoke and his parents looked both annoyed and amused.

            “It’s too early for you to revere me so,” Thor’s words caused me to laugh again quietly. “I suppose…you are never late to anything.” Instantly, the younger Odinson rolled his eyes.

            “At least I put  _effort_  into mine,” Loki muttered.

            “It’s a start,” Frigga merely shook her head before touching Thor’s hair. “Be good.”

            “Of course, Mother,” Thor grinned like a damn sunbeam.

            “Till we meet again, my love,” Odin spoke as the queen touched his face in a tender gesture that made my heart warm. “Asgard is never the same without you.”

            “It is still in just hands,” Frigga replied while Thor moved toward Loki.

            “Suppose I’ll miss your tricks.”

            “You would be one of the few,” Loki smirked, nodding to his brother. “Farewell for now, you fool.”

            “See you soon, brother.” Thor turned and I caught Loki’s glance before I took his hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

            “I love you,” I whispered, when his family had turned.

            “And I love you.” Loki watched me hesitantly move to stand by Thor before he guided his horse around. Casting me a look, he turned and smiled at Frigga next to him before they took off toward the bifrost. Exhaling, I shuffled my feet and clasped my hands behind me as I watched the horses get farther away. Thor gave my shoulder a pat before I smiled a little at him and he passed in front of me to go. Loki glanced back once more and I waved when they disappeared into the distance.

            “My son is very much attached to you,” Odin spoke and I was quick to bow my head to him.

            “What makes you state that, my King?”

            “Once long ago, before he began to court you, I spoke to him about possibly arranging a marriage in the future to a highborn woman of royal Vanir blood. You remember this day. It pained him so, the things I asked of him. He wanted so badly to refuse and Thor sealed his fate, sparing him. Still, even after, he refused every noble I put in front of him. Now, while I do know my son feels the need to be in control of his own life, I still wondered why. That is, until I noticed the way he smiled at you the following days. Seems like he was waiting for his own stars to align.” My lips parted while the King spoke but I instead bowed my head again, almost bashfully.

            “That is very kind of you to say.”

            "I hear your skills in sorcery have been steadily improving. I expected nothing less with what I saw that first day we met so long ago. Be sure to feel that pride I know is in your heart. You deserve it." Odin watched me. "My court has been rough on you. And with your parents putting you in the position they did, I recognize the effort you put in this year. It will pay off. Being with a Prince, my son...a lot will be asked of you. For that, I apologize. Change comes in slow bouts. But, I have hope."

            "...I do as well."

** ** **

            “I say we call it a day,” Fandral piped up to the group. The wind blew through the massive trees. “We haven’t even seen anything decent to catch.”

            “I am  _not_  leaving empty-handed,” Thor persisted stubbornly with a grunt before Sif rolled her eyes subtly, nudging her horse forward. Two and a half weeks had passed and his sour mood coincided easily with Loki’s absence, the gold prince seemed more bored than anything. Yet, the hunt wasn’t doing much for him except bringing out his burning competitive side. We’d been walking in circles and Thor was too proud to use Mjolnir for help.

            “It’s no use, we’ll be starved by the time we make our way back,” came Volstagg’s lament, earning a look from Hogun.

            “Can’t say this is the worst hunting trip I’ve been on still,” I commented dryly, shrugging before Fandral winced when he realized what I meant. “My insides are,  _well_ , still inside me and not being torn out. Sounds like a success.” From my side, Fandral glanced over on his horse.

            “You’re too beautiful to be that morbid.”

            “Oh, Fandral,  _wherever_ ,” I smiled softly, “do you think most of that beauty came from?”

            “You’ll keep your insides and we’ll catch something to bring home, I bet my hammer on it!” Thor swore and I shook my head, amused.

            “You’ll scare them all away with that shouting,” Hogun observed.

            “ _I am not shouting_!” Thor boomed before he realized it when a flock of birds flew from a tree and exhaled through his nose, growing quiet. He wasn’t focused.

            “Do we even know where we are?” Volstagg asked then.

            “I trust that it’ll be better for us to start making our way back slowly before dark,” Sif looked to Thor, “perhaps you’ll find your prize on the way,” she added as we paused our horses.

            “Lead us on back then, Thor,” Fandral’s grin faded when Thor paused for a long moment, “you do know which way the palace is, yes?”

            “I know where my own palace is!” Thor’s loud voice caused another flock of birds to fly over and I groaned softly. “It’s that way!” He pointed to the left but neither of us moved.

            “Are you certain?” Hogun asked, unconvinced. “I think it’s this way.”

            “Yes…” Thor’s tone didn’t do well to convince the rest of us. “I am certain.”

            “We’ve never gotten lost before,” Volstagg replied instead.

            “Because it was  _Loki_  who always knew how to navigate without issue,” Fandral realized and I nodded. "This is what we get for picking the part of the forest we never go to.

            “He used to spend weeks on end studying various maps,” I added and Thor exhaled, “probably tried to know our world as well as the gatekeeper.”

            “Yes, he likely did,” the older prince nodded. I dismounted my horse and tossed the reins to Fandral.

            “What are you doing?” He asked when I glanced up at a tree.

            “Trying to see where we are with the old fashion way. Don't bother summoning Mjolnir, Thor, I want to try something.” I replied, stretching my arms. “It’ll be faster than waiting on the hammer either way. I want to show you my new trick.”

            “How’s that?” Thor asked.

            “Well, I’ve learned that all spells and enchantments connected to an element, though powerful, are usually not as effective when you have to fashion the element yourself,” grasping a tree branch, I wedged my foot on the bark and pulled myself up. I guessed that was why Loki wasn’t too interested in them sometimes. Frankly, they were easy. “Which makes perfect sense… Of course it’s  _easier_  to simply manipulate something already at your disposal than to do it yourself.”

            “That sounds like something you  _definitely_  learned from Loki,” Sif commented with a slight scoff. Carefully, I pulled myself up onto a sturdy branch while using another to hold onto before I glanced down at the group watching me.

            “I’ll get up high enough and point our way to the palace,” I turned before continuing, “if I fall, either get out of the way or catch me.”

            “Will do, sweet lady,” Fandral replied. “Try not to fall.”

            “I’ll do my best,” I smiled as my fingers flexed then glowed with wisps of lavender light. “You all might want to back away I bit,” I warned, pausing, “Thor, that means you as well.” I turned to make sure they did so and Thor listened to my words. Grasping the branch next to me, I felt the tree wobble, the branches around me began to twist. Vines were growing about until it shook once more and I was lifted up, the bark crackling as the tree grew higher. Exhaling with relief when my magic did the work, I got up onto another branch and wrapped my legs around it as I braced myself forward onto my hands.  _Don’t look down_ , I told myself but did so anyway to see the ground growing further away. Holding to the thick branch tightly, I managed to rise above most of the trees before the movement paused. Marveling at the view of Asgard, my breath caught. The bright sun illuminated the gold of the massive palace in the distance. “Wow…” I hoped Loki would be proud. Shaking my thoughts, I peered down at the group far below when they waited expectantly.

            “What can you see?!” Volstagg yelled up.

            “Everything!” I beamed while the wind blew through my clothes. “It’s amazing!” Glancing up again, I pointed in front of me. “The palace is that way! Thor, you weren’t too far off!”

            “Glad to hear it!” He shouted to me. I took in the sight a final time, grinning. Slowly, the tree retreated, bring me down on the branches with it until I was able to climb down to the ground again.

            “That was the  _old fashioned way_?” Sif tilted her head, lips upturned, and I shrugged before getting back onto my horse.

            “More or less.”

            “Loki would be impressed,” Thor smiled for the first time in hours.

            “Let’s get on with it then, my friends,” Volstagg added before the prince nodded and our horses took off toward the palace.

** ** **

            Four weeks later, I found myself in the library alone, as usual in my spare time. Moving to sit cross-legged on the table in front of me, I sat back and gazed at the massive room, bored. Lifting on hand, I waved it and magically drew back the curtains on one window and then another. With both hands up, I exhaled and waved them both back in a swift motion, causing every other curtain to slide back with a soft  _zipping_  sound. Light shown in from outside and I tilted my head. The soft sun rays beamed through stained glass. Colored light danced all around me.

            “Loki,  _I miss you_ , come home and entertain me,” I whined, bracing my hands behind me when I let my head fall back.

            “Figured I’d find you here, talking to yourself,” Fandral appeared, leaning against a column.The door shut behind him and I sprang up.

            “My sanity may indeed be in question,” I huffed, smiling slightly. "But, we knew this."

            “You strike me as someone who can still function adequately under total insanity. A dangerous thing.”

            “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard all day,” I smiled. “Have you come to entertain me or watch me levitate objects to get some practice in? I spent two hours making wards and it’s time for something new.” One of my hands opened and the books on the table across from me began to lift. “I could try levitating you if you wish.”

            “I think I’ll be fine without,” he chuckled, “why not come outside today, the sun is…” When Fandral glanced up at a window, he paused for a moment. “Gone?”

            “Hm?” I looked up to see rain hitting the windows, the sky turned a shade of grey. Suddenly, lightning cracked and thunder followed quickly after before Fandral and I looked at each other.

            “ _Thor_.” We said at the same time.

            “Shall we?” I got up, the books dropping back onto the table.

            “I suppose,” Fandral turned and I followed him out. “Now, if I were an upset prince, where would I go?”

            “Outside to the training grounds?” I shrugged. We paced down a hallway to an open room with huge archways that lead outside. Fandral paused and I stopped behind him when we heard the shouting, it appeared to be coming from the throne room. Exchanging looks, he followed me down another hall until we drew closer to the closed double doors before they burst open. Thor stalked out but paused and pivoted on his heel to shout back, guards on either side of the door appeared to shrink away just a bit at his rage.

            “I do not see the issue, we could leave now for Vanaheim! They are our allies!”

            “Show up uninvited?! Disrespect our friends by intruding on their hospitality! You can and will wait a few more weeks, Thor. Let this tantrum go for now because it will not get you anywhere, especially Vanaheim. Guards, close the doors, this conversation is over.” The doors shut and Thor let out a loud growl, swiping his hand to knock down an unlit torch.

            “At least we know you’re being your usual  _joyous_  self,” Fandral quipped and Thor turned to see us watching. Not in the mood, he instead marched down the hall to pass us and go elsewhere.

            “Thor,” I piped up softly, surprised when he paused a little next to me. The prince didn’t look at me, so I spoke. “I miss him too. Just a few more weeks. I wish it didn't get prolonged. They must be working hard.” Glancing at me slightly, Thor exhaled through his nose and appeared to nod his head once before he moved down the hallway again, his steps slower. “Come to think of it,” I spoke when Thor was out of sight, “have they been apart this long without contact?”

            “Now that you ask,” Fandral thought for a moment, “no, I don’t think so. Thor walks the palace like a lost pup some days and marches it like an angry giant others. He's just bored and cooped up. All the excitement is elsewhere and lengthening the trip didn't help. I’d rather they not be apart for this long again if  _this_  is the result.”

            “I must agree.” I glanced at the rain falling outside. “I wonder what Loki’s doing.”

** ** **

            “Thank you,” I smiled to the attendant after he handed me my horse’s reins. Volstagg mounted a horse next to me before I spoke. “What’s the bifrost really like?”

            “You feel almost like you’re flying aimlessly, but trust Heimdall. You’ve met with him often, yes?”

             “Yes, I didn’t see him too much, mostly when I played with Thor and Loki as children on the bridge. Heimdall would show us the cosmos and what he saw along the realms. Thor, like me, adored the gatekeeper but, Loki…um, well…”

            “Heimdall always saw through his tricks,” Volstagg chuckled and I smiled, nodding.

            “You’re very correct,” I saw more of our warrior friends mounting horses, eager to see friends and family alike. Hogun was more happy than I'd ever seen him. Glancing back at Volstagg, I huffed slightly. “Are we parting soon? They took my bag two hours ago.”

            “Soon, I’m sure,” Volstagg laughed heartily at me. “Eager?”

            “Well, I haven’t seen Loki in over two months, I’m excited. Frigga too, Asgard needs its Queen back.”

            “If you start whining over this when we leave, I’ll strangle you. Thor’s been at it all morning,” Sif appeared on a dark horse at my opposite side.

            “I’ll end up going mad and strangling myself if we don’t leave soon,” I shrugged. “Make it easier for you. I want to see Vanaheim, I’ve never been.”

            “Let us keep the number of strangulations low today, gents,” Fandral rode up with his usual charming smile, “and ladies.” Sif rolled her eyes and moved to speak with Volstagg. Fandral’s horse got closer to mine. “Think of the lovely maidens to come.”

            “Yes, Fandral, that is  _exactly_  what I’m thinking about right now.” Amused, I simply shook my head at him.

            “Well,  _fine_ , in your case, Loki’s posterior. Whichever you prefer.” He shrugged and I scoffed, both entertained and embarrassed before I shifted over to smack his arm.

            “ _Ow_! I’m going to need that later, my friend.”

            “Yes, well, don’t make crude jokes about his royal highness’s posterior at me. Gods, Fandral, why are we friends?”

            “Because you’ve always loved me?” He gave a suave grin and tilted his chin up. Smiling, I glanced at the way ahead as we got ready to go to the bridge.

            “Keep telling yourself that.”

** ** **

            “Good Heimdall,” Thor was the first to dismount, grinning at his old friend. Heimdall hadn’t changed at all in the years I knew him but his bright gold eyes always pierced into me. “We’re ready when you are.” I walked up to Thor’s left after I got off my own horse, idly fixing my braided hair.

            “I’ve counted every complaint I heard from you and the lady your brother is courting about his absence. Thor beat you by a mere two.” Heimdall looked to me, a smirk dancing in his eyes and I bashfully glanced down as warriors began to gather behind us.

            “I’ll get him next time, I’m sure,” I chuckled nervously. “Forgive me.”

            “For the record, I have  _indeed_  always seen through the younger prince’s tricks.”

            “You’ve a skill we all covet then,” I replied softly.

            “See you in a few days, Heimdall,” Thor and many warriors moved passed me but I stayed in place, the gatekeeper watching me still.

            “Should I be worried?”

            “Need I remind you who your beloved is?”

            “Fair enough,” I smiled, shrugging when Heimdall went on, his deep voice softer.

            “Though, he did shed tears on two to three separate occasions.” I merely kept my lips upturned at his words, nodding.

            “Thank you, Heimdall. Farewell for now.” I passed him to stand between Sif and Volstagg, my nerves evident.

            “I’m not going to just…float away, am I? What if something grabs me?”

            “Come here. First time is always the trickiest.” Volstagg settled his arm around me, laughing. “You shall be fine, I’ll hold onto you.” The lights were dancing while Heimdall started up the bifrost, rainbow colors swirling as the observatory settled on the destination and spun. Closing my eyes, I felt a force tug at my body before we were all pulled away from Asgard completely.

            The wind and sun hit my face before I opened my eyes to see the lush world of Vanaheim when Volstagg released me. They weren’t vastly different from us with markets, villages, and a massive palace that the sunlight sparkled along. Though, while Asgard’s palace had stark points, Vanaheim’s had a massive dome; many structures around it with the same design. Catching sight of a group of people, I spotted two familiar faces to the side and smiled instantly when Loki’s eyes locked onto mine. Forcing myself to be respectful, I bottled up my excitement and trembled visibly with joy, my head screaming not to run and tackle him into the grass. Clasping my hands together, our groups neared each other to begin greetings so Loki and I made a bee-line for each other.

            “Hi,” I stammered quietly, my cheeks hot. The group behind us went on distractedly. I wanted to grab his face and kiss him but decided against it with so many people around as I didn’t think I’d stop if we started.

            “Is that  _really_  all I get?” Loki raised an eyebrow and I lapsed a little, tossing my arms around his shoulders. Chuckling, he returned the embrace with similar fervor, his arms tight enough around the small of my back to lift me a few inches from the floor. Breathing him in, I almost burst right there and pressed my lips to his ear.

            “I missed you,” I whispered and his palm cradled the back of my head. Releasing me, Loki’s hand touched my face before a soft thumb pad traced my cheek. Sniffling, I smiled again and his hand lowered, thumb brushing my bottom lip lightly as he touched my neck. My lips parted and my eyes trailed down to his mouth, I wanted to kiss him so badly. Exhaling, Loki’s distracted eyes had the same idea but we stayed controlled in front of the group congregating behind us. When I touched his skin, Loki brought my hand up to press his lips to my knuckles simply, eyes lingering on me and I licked my lips before pressing them together.

            “You have been quite missed as well.” Loki smirked before he almost stumbled forward into me when Thor appeared and clapped him on the back hard. “Brother, was that really a proper greeting?” The younger Odinson hissed, rubbing his shoulder as he turned.

            “I merely figured that you really missed it, so I had to make this one count.” Thor smiled, wide and almost innocently before half hugging Loki with one arm. His hand got smacked away before it could touch Loki's hair. “I saved the gentle greeting for mother first.”

            “Hm,” Loki patted Thor’s shoulder, before putting up a ward to abruptly push his brother off him. About to speak, Loki tilted his head as Frigga appeared and hugged me.

            “I’ve missed you, dear.”

            “We all missed you back home, Frigga,” I was elated. Thor pushed at Loki before he was swatted away.

            “Boys!” Frigga let me go. “You’ve only just been reunited, don’t make me separate you two again.”

            “Mother, do not get my hopes up,” Loki replied, his lips upturning. The Queen got between them, first glancing at her younger son.

            “ _Play_ ,” she looked to Thor then, whose expression matched Loki’s, “ _nice_.”

            “Yes, mother.” They both replied simultaneously. Frigga began introducing the royals of Vanaheim and their attendants to all of us. Princess Sigyn was clad in decorated armor, a beautiful future Queen. I remained respectful, ignoring Loki’s constant leering. Hogun introduced his wife and little child to many of us but he disappeared not long after to be with them. The groups began sectioning off slowly before Frigga nodded for us to go.

            “Tell me everything,” I beamed up at Loki. He settled an arm around me, his hand grasping at my waist.

            “All in good time,” Loki smirked, Thor at his side as we walked along the grass with everyone going in different directions. “We’ve about five days here to enjoy it before we go back.”

            “Till dinner, brother,” Thor touched Loki’s shoulder, fondly this time before jogging off to greet a friend across the way.

            “I instructed them to take your things to my temporary living space,” Loki said after a moment as we went off alone.

            “How thoughtful of you,” I cleared my throat when I felt his thumb barely brush the skin above my hip while his hand went under my shirt a little. “Might I… _explore this living space_?”

            “We won’t have much time… _to explore the living space_ …because dinner is very soon,  _sweetheart_.”

            “Can I at least  _glance_  at the living space? I’ve been waiting so long… _to glance_  at it and I may implode if you don’t let me.”

            “If I let you  _glance_ , we might end up  _exploring_  it anyways,” Loki smirked, the nature of our conversation going unnoticed to the people we passed. Vanaheim was just as beautiful as Asgard easily, lush with gardens around the palace. Flowers I'd never seen in person bloomed bright.

            “If you don’t let me  _glance_ , you’ll be  _exploring_  everything else but the  _living quarters_.” I smiled sweetly and Loki looked ahead of us, his entertainment still noticeable.

            “If I’d known you were this eager for a simple  _glance_ , I would have made you wait longer. See how mad it drives you.”

            “You are walking a very fine line right now,” I shrugged, my arm going around his back.

            “Always am.” Loki abruptly pushed me into a rounded crevice with a window overlooking Vanaheim. With no one able to see us, I grasped to his clothing before he took my face in his hands. “Just a glance.” Unable to articulate words, I let out a ragged breath and nodded before he stole a kiss. Our bodies pressed together so tight, I could scarcely breathe between him and the wall as I stood on my toes. Broad hands sunk into my hair, pulling and angling my face to deepen the kiss and I managed to slide one arm around his neck. We broke apart and quickly kissed once more, gently this time before Loki pulled back from me and we steadied our breathing. With my body flushed and hot, I licked my lips and braced a hand against the windowsill next to me.

            “I don’t know if you're going to make it till later, kissing me like that.” I chuckled breathlessly, straightening myself up.

            “I can show you some of the palace before dinner. After the meal, we have the whole first night to  _explore_. Tomorrow, you’ll get an actual tour and we’ll see the healing room where you shall get to formally meet more of our companions, as well as see our work.”

            “Lead the way.”

** ** **

            Night fell. I was quiet most of dinner as Vanir and Asgardians sat along the massive table. It was difficult to get a word in with everyone sharing loud stories, but I didn’t mind, shyly listening most of the time. Not far from where I was sitting, Fandral winked at me before he nodded slightly to Loki on my right. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head before he laughed, turning to continue flirting with the two Vanir warriors on either side of him. After the long course, dessert was served and I plucked a chocolate-covered strawberry from my plate to eat, relishing the sweet taste. Something ran up my spine and my eyes averted to see Loki staring down at me before he took a long drink of wine. Acting unfazed, I continued to enjoy the treat before I glanced over to see my wine goblet shift on its own, closer to the warrior next to me as he told an animated story. When I looked up at Loki in question, the man next to me brought his arm out and I didn’t have time to react before wine splashed in my lap. Gasping, the people around us went quiet and my lips parted.

            “My lady, forgive me!” The kind, older warrior began to sputter apologies but quickly I smiled and shook my head, laughing nervously.

            “It’s fine, it’s alright,” I assured him. He took his napkin and offered it to me. “Thank you.”

            “I did not see the goblet, forgive me, your clothes!” He took my arm to help me stand, dark wine swatches staining the areas over my thighs and knees on my pants.

            “It happens, I should go clean up, really it’s no issue,” I kept assuring him, laughing finally with the people around me.

            “You’ve wasted such good wine, my friend,” Loki stood and took my elbow. “I should help her clean up for the night, enjoy the rest of your meal.” The prince bowed his head to the elders and royals before he bid Frigga goodnight.

            “Really, it’s alright,” I smiled again, setting the cloth napkin down. “Thank you for the wonderful dinner.” People said a few goodnights so Loki led me quickly from the room and down the darkening hallways, wind blowing the curtains in. When no one was in sight, I stopped to get Loki to pause and poked him in the chest. “If you think I didn’t notice the trick you pulled to get us out of dinner early, you’re mistaken, you damn genius-” Abruptly, I got my hands on his face and yanked him down for a hard kiss.

            “Shall we?” He began eagerly pulling me along.

            “By the nine, this wine is cold,” I whined, straining to keep up with him.

            “I’ll take care of it in a moment,” Loki turned a corner and sped up his pace to his room before tugging me inside. Barely waving his hand to conjure a fire and light the lamps, he pressed me against the door as I reached back to lock it. The minute his lips found my neck, my entire body vibrated and I could have slid to the floor if he wasn’t pressing me hard into the wall. His fingers quickly slipped into the waistband of my pants before he tugged and I jolted when they ripped open, the ties all breaking apart.

            “Loki,” I choked out as he parted from me and shrugged.

            “They’re no good either way.” My prince grabbed me by the hips and led me backwards before he pushed me onto the large sofa, “I told you I’d take care of it.” Kneeling, he was yanking off my boots before my ruined pants quickly followed. My heart was pounding so I grabbed at the cushion under me when Loki took my knees. We locked eyes before he pressed his lips to my skin, slightly sticky with spilt red wine. My head fell back against the couch, a sigh falling from my mouth as Loki continued, his tongue sliding out to slip along my flesh.

            “Not…what I had in mind,” I muttered, laughing lightly. “But,  _better_.” When Loki shifted to my other leg, he moved forward to force my knees apart and got between them. Arousal finally gripped me.

            “Am I not taking care of it appropriately?” He spoke, cool breath against my legs before he ran his tongue from my knee to my inner thigh. Seizing up, my entire body went hot and electrified all down my spine. “Much better dessert than what they served.” I flushed as he came up to kiss me briefly, his lips that tasted of red wine parting against my own. Not ready to let myself swoon, I pushed at him to get him to stand with me following. We kissed once more gently before I began pushing him toward the bed covered in dark gold silks and brown furs. “Look at you, so  _assertive_.”

            “You just adore me when I get like this,” I was undoing clasps. Loki helped me undress himself; leather, fabric, and metal pieces falling to the floor before I pressed my lips to his neck quickly and tugged the dark grey tunic over his head swiftly after I got him to step out of his boots. Loki watched me touch his collar before I let my hands take his waist, deft fingers tracing over his pale skin. We locked eyes and I watched him lick his lips before I stood on my toes to capture his mouth. When Loki touched my hips, I gave him a hard shove that sent him back onto the bed. Loki glanced up at me, bracing himself on his hands as his chest rose and fell while hair fell around his face. “I see why you enjoy that,” I whispered, almost shyly before I crawled onto the bed and between his long legs. Sitting on my knees, I allowed Loki to take my face in his broad hands as I settled my palms against his chest, running them up to his shoulders. Hovering, our lips barely brushed. I drank him in, exhaling softly before we came together fully.

            “Lie back,” he hissed against my mouth and kissed me again, attempting to turn us over before my fingers slipped into his soft black hair. Breaking the kiss, I tugged hard and a breathy groan fell from his lips so I pushed him on his back. “So, you really have been craving this.”

            “I just...missed you next to me.” I offered simply, maneuvering myself so that I was straddling his hips. Loki’s pants didn’t do much to conceal the erection now prodding at my thigh. “Something tells me…that you have though.” Leaning over, I gave his neck the same treatment he’d given mine, whispering in his ear as he exhaled. “Gods, I missed you…so much.” One of my hands found his and I pulled his arm above his head. “Had to practice magic on my own,” I kissed his jaw, “let me show you how much I’ve improved.” Loki tilted his head but jerked when a soft vine coiled around his wrist, locking his arm there. They flooded out from plants next to the bed.

            “Is this the game you really wish to start with,  _sweetheart_?” He merely smirked. I sat up, crossing my arms. Loki’s free hand touched my thigh, fingers skimming over the skin before vines grabbed to restrain him.

            “Hey, I’m an actual force to be reckoned with, you should be worried.” There it was again. This free girl I was trying to be full of assertion.

            “ _Oh, I am just shaking_ ,” Loki’s flexed his fingers, testing the ability to move his arms. Not undressing myself yet, I instead braced my hands against his chest.

            “Fine, I’ll just make you,” I went on, looking down at my hands, but Loki chuckled.

            “You are just- _ow_!” Loki hissed, his muscles tensing and I lifted one hand, light purple sparks dancing off my fingertips.

            “You were saying?” My hand hovered over his ribcage and Loki jolted lightly. Those little sparks of electricity bit into him. Pressing one finger to his chest, Loki’s whole body went rigid sp I ran it up and down his torso.

            “ _Ah_!” His jaw went tight, " _fuck_." I let up and moved down between his legs.

            “Are you shaking yet?” I smiled sweetly, undoing the ties on his pants slowly as I tugged out each one. Loki’s legs shifted. He looked down at me, the traces of his smirk faded and I knew he’d be getting me back for this soon so I had to make this last. He maneuvered his hips so I could get his pants down and toss them away before he was nude in front of me. I could feel Loki observing me while I traced the line of his hip before shocking him lightly to watch him twitch. I pressed my lips together to stifle my smile before my fingertips sparked against his thigh and he gasped lightly, muscles going tense. Pulling away, I clasped my hands together when my cheeks heated.

            “Do not play coy with me, you are enjoying this,” Loki exhaled, his head falling back as his cock sat stiff and wanting against his stomach. Biting my lip, I boldly let my hands take his hips, fingertips fluttering with purple light and Loki’s back curved before I let up.  _Gods_ , I always loved to watch his body react to mine. Leaning over, I touched the area over his heart, shocking it lightly to feel his muscles go rigid before I put my ear to his chest to feel the rhythmic beating, still steady and even. Loki was breathing softly under me before one of my fingers traced over his ribs, giving off a little shock and he cried out silently, his torso writhing and twitching. His heartbeat sped up just a bit under my ear so I continued, all my fingertips on one hand trailing over and down his skin. Each shock pushing the rhythmic beating to go quicker until his chest was rising and falling faster. Relenting finally, I felt him sag gently under me as I listened still to his heart.

            “I wonder if your heart does this often when I’m around,” I whispered aloud, my head still on his chest as my hands teased at his body. Loki responded only with a shaken breath when my fingers curled around his shaft, lightly stroking him until I felt his heart pounding hard within his chest. The prince moaned aloud, tipping over the cliff while I pushed and pushed. I brought my head up to watch, my mouth parted and slowly I leaned over to brush our lips together. Loki brought his head up to lengthen the kiss before I broke it, feeling his hips bucking toward my hand. Pressing my mouth against his neck, I wasn’t paying attention when a hand grabbed my shoulder and another surged into my hair. As I looked up to see him smirking again, I gasped when I realized the vines had dissipated. I smiled sheepishly at him, my hand stopping its play as I braced my arms on either side of his body. “ _Oops_.”

            “Hm.” Loki’s green eyes flickered over mine before he turned us over and pinned me under him.

            “ _Oh dear_ , whatever will I do?” I feigned worry, licking my lips as he chuckled above me, his fingers holding my shoulders down.

            “You have really grown into your own when we get intimate.”

            “Picked up on a few things, I suppose. I can play the part.” I exhaled as he sat up between my legs and grabbed at the collar of my shirt before he yanked it open, ripping the buttons and ties carelessly. “Loki…” I groaned, “you really can’t be doing this to…” Ignoring me, he’d started kissing and nipping at my neck, the key he’d given me was hanging from it. “To…”

            “As much as I’d love to bind you, I’m contented with simply ravishing you tonight as I’ve waited a long time for it.” Nestled between my legs, Loki’s hips pushed into mine and I moaned, the thin fabric of my undergarments separating us. He was tugging off my clothes to trace every bit of exposed skin before his hands cupped my breasts and my head fell back. Grabbing at the sheets under me, I allowed him to take my ankles and lift my legs, setting them on one of his shoulders so he could pull off my underwear. Parting my knees, Loki got back between them and cupped my face in one hand. “Let’s see, what was it you did?” I arched when his fingers pressed against my chest, sparks jolting me as he ran it down to my stomach.

            “ _Mmm…_ ” He ignored my cries and continued, holding my jaw in one hand.

            “So greedy, you push me without allowing me to finish my dessert earlier,” Loki went on. Fingers dug into sheets, my hips squirmed when little shockwaves from his palms washed over my frame. Collapsing back when he ceased, I didn’t have time to speak before he pressed two fingers into me. I bucked, the firm hand on my jaw slid to my neck and held me in place. Loki curled and pumped his fingers at a tortuous pace, his thumb barely brushing against the tender bud aching for attention. 

            “ _Ah_ …” My eyes fluttered closed. Loki lowered his head to kiss my knee then my inner thigh, digging his teeth into my skin gently. Compelling my legs to part farther, his lips touched my sensitive skin and I gasped out, my hands flying to latch onto his wrist when his grip loosened. Heat erupted down my stomach as he closed his mouth around me, tongue pressing into my clit and my thighs quivered. Taking his free hand in both of mine, I pressed it over my chest where my heart sat beating underneath warm skin. “I want you to… _oh_ …feel what you do to me.” Teasing fingers continued at a quicker pace and I writhed under him. His tongue began swirl tiny circles into my skin. Arousal pooled up and down my flesh. I could feel the pulse in Loki’s wrist beating as quickly and clearly as my own.

            “You are still able to articulate,” Loki breathed against the sensitive skin, kissing deeply, and I tensed, “which means I can certainly do better.” Again, his tongue slipped against me, fingers rubbing a spot inside me that made my jaw drop. My body shuddered with tension. He worked it like he was simply pressing keys on a piano to elicit the desired sound. I couldn’t stop my hips from continuously rolling toward him, begging for him to not stop. Loki closed his mouth around me and sucked, the sensation about sending me into oblivion before I cried out loudly. My breath left me.

            “ _Ohh_!” I swallowed hard, throat going dry as he flattened his tongue and stroked roughly. My body was twitching, drawing closer to coming undone but Loki slowed his pace and I whimpered. “Don’t stop,” my voice came out sounding more like a whine but Loki sat up, his fingers still pumping slowly.

            “Say please,” Loki stared down at me, looking far too pleased with himself already but his thumb brushed against my clit again and I didn’t  _care_.

            “ _Plea…Please_ ,” I managed to sputter out and Loki was already pulling his hands from me to grasp at my hips and position himself. We both moaned when he pressed inside. _Fuck._ He filled me completely and my needy body latched to him, unable to let go so I could stay rooted. Loki leaned forward and my soul seized up, he instantly began to drive hard into me. The angle and friction sent sensations up my skin that began to swirl within my lower stomach. Unable to bear it, I cried out. I whined and pleaded. Utterly shameless. I didn't care. He felt so good. I closed my eyes tight and heard Loki moaning above me through my heat before something within me snapped and forced me to climax, tears slipping out the corner of my eyes. In the haze, Loki kept thrusting, slowing his pace and I looked up to see him entertained, forcing himself to keep going. My walls clenched him tighter. He relished my body, head tipping back. One hand squeezed my breast in an abrupt motion. My thighs quivered around his hips. Before I could even catch my breath or come down from my peak, he started driving his hips into mine at that same relentless pace. Leaning over, Loki slid one arm under my head, his hand tangling into my hair before he draped his body over mine. With his face in my neck, he bit and kissed it between moans as I latched onto him; my legs tightening around his waist. Fingernails dug into his back. He cursed me and the heavens above all at once. The bed hit the wall, its rhythm kept me half alert.

          “I’m in  _such_  a mood to spoil you,” Loki murmured against my skin. All of my muscles shuddered and my eyes flew open, the only response coming out as a drawn out moan.

          “Loki.” I tried, my lungs spasmed but his free hand slipped between my legs to find my clit and the words got lost in a high-pitched cry. Without even breaking his perfect pace, Loki began stroking me, forcing me to succumb again. My sensitive body burned white-hot but I was already arching and coming once more under him. Loki always delivered on such promises. Controlling himself, he was able to keep pounding into me. He drew me through a cycle of climax before my mind nearly forgot where I was. This time, I cursed him. We shared a messy kiss until his lips trailed to my jaw. My fingers must have drawn blood on his back by now. I held him to me but Loki was only groaning and moving faster until my body went a little slack.

          “Love you…” Loki quickly was whispering things in my ear that barely registered. “Missed you…I…I missed you.” He kept slamming into me through both climax and the shockwaves that followed. Sweat slicked our bodies. It was too much, my skin felt raw and sensitive and pleasure bordered on pain but he kept me there and held me tightly and I could do nothing but hold him in return. “ _Ngh_ …” He moaned, breath hot against my neck. My body felt heavy as his fingers began rubbing hard circles into my clit once more and I would have screamed if my throat wasn’t so dry.

          “ _Ah!_ ” Black spots flooded my vision then the alluring green of Loki’s eyes. Teeth bit into my lip while I closed my eyes and curved like bamboo against wind. Clenched around his cock, I worked him in return until he was tipped over the edge. Loki watched me before his uneven thrusts ceased as he came inside me, his body twitching. I couldn’t think or move or remember how many times he’d pushed me while he came down for a barely there kiss on the lips. Catching his breath, Loki rolled off me in an instant while I stared up at the ceiling in a daze. The familiar peaceful feeling took over and wiped away all else. A minute later, something warm and damp touched my cheek, causing me to flinch until Loki cupped my face in one free hand. I was floating beyond these walls.

          “Shh. I have you.” Blinking, the awareness for my surroundings came back and I realized he was using a cold cloth to sooth me. My chest vibrated to hum. “Are you here with me?”

           “Yes,” I croaked, not bothering to move as everything was sore and jittery.

           “Was that too much for you?” Loki paused, eyes flickered from my face to my body. “Do not lie.”

           “No,” I admitted. “Just…a surprise after being away from each other for so long.” I chuckled lightly. “With our  _play_ …I’m often reminded that you can bring a lot out of me.” My breath hitched when the cloth drew between my legs. Loki finished up and the mattress shifted when he stood. The room dimmed while the lamps each went out with only the moon and fireplace lighting the space. Silk blankets spilled over my body before Loki slid in next to me; instantly, I nestled myself into him and put my head on his chest. Tracing a circle into his skin, I felt Loki settle a hand on my head and relished his fingers as they smooth my hair idly. “Have I mentioned…that I missed you?”

            “You might have,” Loki chuckled under me.

            “Not too late to say it again though?”

            “No, certainly not.” Loki made me smile lightly. “Get some rest now.” Exhausted, I closed my eyes and it didn’t take long to do just that.

** ** **

            “Most all of our work has been here with the healers,” Frigga smiled as she led me through Vanaheim’s healing room. Men and women bustled around, going about their own business and I spotted Loki across the way with a group of his own. “Loki was a huge help to me with the apprentices.”

            “None of his tricks made it here?” I asked in jest while she rounded a desk, smiling.

            “I assured him that if they did, I would not be happy and Loki knows what I am like when I am truly angry.” Glancing over at him, I snickered more so to myself. Frigga went through a box in front of her. The group around Loki dissipated except for a woman still actively talking at him. She looked to be no younger than me with straight, dark brown hair and hazel eyes. With a wide smile, she giggled at something he said before pushing at his shoulder.  _That's my thing_ , a voice nudged at my thoughts before I shook my head. _Ew. No, none of that_. She took his arm to lead him to a bookcase and show him something before he smirked at her.  _No, these thoughts aren’t even going to start, it doesn’t really bother me._  Snapping my gaze back to Frigga, I couldn’t help blurting out the words.

            “Who is that?” I closed my mouth quickly and shook my head.

            “Who? Oh…” Frigga simply shook her head at me and smiled. “No one you should worry about, dear.”

            Then, why was I worried?

            I watched the woman interact with him off and on through the day when I came into the room. Loki seemed to enjoy all the adoration from everyone. But this woman. She kept finding reasons to come up to him over the hours, other girls did as well as a profound number of boys, many who didn’t even work near the room, but none quite like her. The longing in that smile was one I recognized but something different was there too. When Loki and I finally got a chance to talk, I didn’t bring it up. Well, I tried not to. This didn't bother me on Asgard. Not as much. “Did mother show you every detail of the healing room and tell you every single thing we’d done?”

            “Pretty much,” I smiled, crossing my arms. Loki thumbed through a book and leaned into the wall.

            “I am about finished here. If you are not busy, join me for lunch. Just us.” _Just us. I like that._

            “I told Thor and the others that I’d go to the pub with them later but until then, I’m all yours-”

            “Prince Loki?” That pretty woman was appearing next to me and something twisted my stomach.

            “Ysolda.” Loki acknowledged her.

            “The group finally perfected the tonic, what should I have them do once they box them all up?”

            “Perfect it at least three more times.” He instructed. She giggled at his words, nodding before she turned to me.

            “Oh. Is this  _her_ , Prince Loki?” Smiling quickly, she took my hand before Loki could respond. “The prince spoke of you often, I’ve been waiting ages to finally meet you. Queen Frigga said you were beautiful and she was correct.” My lips twitched into a grin and I introduced myself. She was being so kind, it made me feel awful about the worrying already.

            “Nice to meet you… Thank you.”

            “You’re just so lucky.”

            “Am I?”

           “ _You are_ ,” Loki flashed a smile and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at him.

           “Loki’s been nothing but wonderful here,” Ysolda went on distractedly. “Perfect really.”

           “Has he?”

           “ _I have_ ,” Loki added again.

           “We’re considering just keeping him,” she joked lightly and my chuckle caught. _This is awkward._

           “Are you?” I cleared my throat, something here made me feel small.

           “ _They are_.” Loki piped up and I raised an eyebrow at him before he shrugged, enjoying the attention again.

           “I mean, I’m…afraid the prince is very much wanted back home,” I touched Loki’s arm after he set the book away.

           “We’ll have to find a way to steal him back for a while. You know, Prince Loki’s been instructing my group and he’s been such great assistance. I get to spend a decent amount of time with the prince and I feel like I’ve learned so much; he has such a sense of humor too. I, I mean,  _we_  shall miss him.”

          “Yes…he really does.” I kept smiling by default almost.

          “He’s become close to us and,  _oh_ , I feel like I’ve known him forever. I’ll miss my friend indeed after all of this. I must come see Asgard one day,” she was staring up at him again but Loki seemed unfazed which set me at ease. “I’m glad to have met the woman who has taken his heart. We must talk again sometime before you go.”

            “Certainly, I’ll be around.” Kindly, I nodded and smiled as she grinned at Loki.

            “See you in the evening, Prince Loki.” Ysolda turned after Loki nodded before I followed him out the opposite way. Unable to help myself, I clasped my hands together and spoke.

            “So…she seemed…friendly.” I offered nonchalantly but Loki was already staring at me with that damn expression I knew too well.

            “She is.”

            “Are you…close?” I tried and Loki clasped his hands behind his back, smirking.

            “Oh, do you not  _trust_   _me_?”

            “Hm, well, with that  _tone_.”

            “She is head of one of the groups I was put in charge of. We’ve spent much time together.” He paused, amused. “I’m afraid I’m leaving you for her.”

            “Loki!” I pushed at him. “I’m being serious. She’s completely lost in you and you love that everyone is giving you all this praise.” Loki relaxed, amused at me.

            “Not completely lost and to be perfectly honest, she isn’t the only one. But, that is how it is on Asgard as well, and do you believe I’m going to leave you for  _any_  them? Gods, you have lunch with court ladies I've been with, all the while I'm a wreck wondering if you're comparing stories.”

            “I don't partake. They say mostly good things." I winked, shoulders dropping. "No…I don't think you'd up and leave me. It isn't a big deal. It’s not  _you_  I don’t trust in this. She seems…nice but… I don’t know… She just makes it so completely obvious and the way she looks at you is-”

            “Well, you see, the people here actually like me. It’s almost odd, this whole constant  _behaving_ thing while I work.”

            “Not what I mean.” I touched his arm.

             "Think I'd leave you after I spent most of last night with my head between-"

             "Ah, hush. Not here...and I'm still sore, so I won't soon forget last night." I blushed hard, looking around. “Look, I just…we’ve been separated for a while.” Loki turned into his room and I paused as he requested lunch be brought up from a servant before he closed the door. “Something about her just made me feel, just small. You know the feeling as well.” Loki gestured for me to sit before he did across from me at the table. “The way she gazed at you and touched you and followed you around all day, truthfully many others did but… And, I know you’re allowed women friends but…I don’t know…the others you interacted with in there didn’t give me that feeling that she did and… This is so silly really… I trust you with her, you know that much, right? I really do but I just feel…so tiny in a way I haven’t felt in a long time and it’s all just foolish, I feel like an adolescent.” Ysolda was talking about him like she  _knew_ him so perfectly well and that grated on me for some reason. She was so kind and happy. I wished for an ounce of that.

            “The girl is harmless.”

            “I know…” I sat back. “Have I ruined our reunion already?”

            “No,” Loki smirked, shaking his head. “Your cheeks flush rather nicely when you’re jealous.”

            “They do not,” I crossed my arms. “Jealousy if  _far_  too strong a word and, for the record,  _so do yours_. I’ve seen you nice and jealous and you’re far from her image of  _perfect_  Prince Loki.”

            “And that is one of many unending reasons as to why  _you_  are sitting here and not her or anyone else.”

            “Fair enough.”

** ** **

            “Frigga, I’ve got this for you,” I smiled, waving her off from the potions that needed to be sorted. “You can take care of your peers outside.”

            “I’m grateful for you, I’ll just be a little while.” Frigga touched my shoulder and made her way back to the healing room through the propped open door.

            “Good day,” a voice caused me to look up.

            “Ysolda. Hello,” I nodded my head and smiled lightly. “How are you?”

            “Fine, yourself?”

            “Alright.” We stared at each other a moment before I shifted, waving my hand to get a glass vial to float back into its box before I went to the next one.

            “Prince Loki, he instructed you in magic?”

            “Yes, he’s…been teaching me for a long while it seems.”

            “It must have been difficult without him there for two months,” she moved to stand across the large desk from me.

            “I missed him a lot, yes. But, I could manage, they actually went by faster than I thought.”

            “He’s a wonderful teacher.”

            “I must agree,” I smiled at her as she changed the subject.

            “Are you excited for the final banquet at the end of the week?”

            “Yes,” I nodded, idly sorting glass bottles via magic. “Vanaheim is beautiful and you’ve all been gracious to us.”

            “Does your beloved prince dance?”

            “When it suits him,” I shrugged, pausing. “I’m glad he’s been so helpful here. You’re…close?”

            “He’s just been so nice to me.”  _Oh, maybe she just liked the attention he gave her. I could understand that._ “Helpful.”  _Sometimes_. “Passionate.”  _Insufferable_. “Gentle.”  _Eh.._. “I feel like I understand him.” _Really?_  She paused. "He’s just so different from the others. Deep and thoughtful. He could do very well here, would the prince consider staying in Vanaheim again?”

            “I…I’m not sure. You would have to discuss that with him,” I spoke evenly. I have not seen someone with their face so far in the clouds that they’ve been blinded by them. “Though, I do think that he is very much required in Asgard now.” She was just so...nice.

            “I hope you both enjoy the banquet.”

** ** **

            Why did it bother me so much? She was kind and she hadn’t exactly moved in on Loki. But, I feel like she almost had at the same time.  _Ugh_. I should not be bothered by such things. Men and women pine for Loki all the time. But, he was mine. And I was his. And that was it. I halted my thoughts when a door opened and Fandral stumbled out, gesturing back to the people behind him. “I’ll just be a moment, my dears.” I heard a round of whines and crossed my arms. He spotted me a few feet away and froze; a charming smile crossed his face.

           “Having fun?”

            “Vanaheim’s hospitality is quite beautiful, I find myself in need of appreciating each and every second of it.”

            “Come here a moment, I need advice.”

            “Do you?” Fandral fixed his shirt as I approached.

            “There’s a girl.”

            “Sweet lady, there are  _several_  girls.” Fandral grinned and I rolled my eyes.

            “Focus, alright, this girl has been trailing Loki and I think she’s  _really_  infatuated with him but, she’s also sweet and I feel…just  _awful,_  to be honest.” I winced at myself.  _Did I really?_  “And lost, it’s all very unnecessarily odd because jealousy does not suit me, I’m getting nowhere with it...and she just so...nice about it. I think that I want to be like her and...I think that I used to be like her and I want to shake her out of it. This...fantasy.”

            “Is Loki going to run off with this girl?”

            “No…”

            “Well, I think you already have a lot less to be worried about,” he shrugged.

            “Fair. But, I just feel like she’s going to keep  _pushing_  herself at him.”

            “Loki is…well, we  _know_  how he is toward advances but we also know how he is when they become unwelcomed. I cannot believe that I am stating this but…you may have to… _trust_  him with that.” Fandral watched me cross my arms before I exhaled, my shoulders dropping.

            “Trust the person I love. That sounds like the healthy option. You’re…probably right.” I nodded, accepting his answer.

            “Chin up, my lady.”

** ** **

            “It’s odd.”

            “Hm?” Loki got out of bed, not bothering to cover his nude body. I sat up, watching the curtains move gently with the wind while I held a blanket around myself.

            “When I see the sky, there’s this split second when I forget we’re not in Asgard.” Misty clouds moved over the starlit abyss as I waited for Loki to join me once more. “And I think about the other realms, the ones we’re civil to or the ones we’ve quarreled with. I wonder if they stare at a similar sky like this as well. When I was younger, I used to stare at the sky looking for answers to questions I couldn’t ask aloud…like the damn stars would come down and speak to me.” I smiled at Loki when he leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed, observing me after he’d slid on a pair of thin pants. “What?”

            “I have something for you. I was going to wait but I wish to give it to you now before we go to bed.”

            “Why the change in mind?”

            “Why not?”

            “You…have a gift for me?”

            “Do not look so shocked,” Loki shook his head, lips upturned. “Close your eyes.” Tilting my head, I sighed out before I did so. A moment later, I heard Loki next to me, “give me your hand.” Reaching out, I felt Loki find it and begin to lead me from the bed. I stood carefully with my other hand holding the sheet wrapped around my body. Shuffling with him, Loki brought me a few steps forward before he spoke again. “You may open them.”

            “Loki, I… _oh_!” I gasped, eyeing the most beautiful dress I’d ever seen draped over the sofa. Unable to move, I felt Loki nudge me forward, that damn proud expression crawling across his sharp face. “How did you…? When did you…?”

            “It is for the final banquet,” he explained. I reached out to feel the silk but paused, almost too afraid to touch something so fine. Dark violet fabric pooled in layers with gold metal pieces and designs lie staring up at me. Loki had to settle a hand over mine and press it down into the soft, radiant gown.

            “It’s beautiful, it’s…it’s too much. I-”

            “It is yours.”

            “I can’t.”

            “You can and you will.” He chuckled, shrugging and I furrowed my brow.

            “Thank you. It’s really amazing. You should not have… Thank you.” I slid my arms around him, grateful and not knowing how to show it. “I wish I could say more.”

            “Say you shall wear it,” Loki requested, “that is all I need.” Glancing up at him, I slowly nodded and pressed my lips together when the corners lifted.

            “Thank you.”

** ** **

             _Still not letting it bother me._

_Nope. Not at all._

            “Oh!” Ysolda’s voice sounded behind me as I turned to see she’d apparently tripped. Ironically, right into Loki _forcing_  him to kind of catch her.

             _Coincidence. Yes, of course. Nothing more._

** ** **

             _Still not bothered. No way. I'm evolved._

            “Might I sit with you?” Ysolda asked on another occasion, causing me to look up from my book. Wind blew outside while I sat alone on one of the benches relaxing.

            “Alright…” I agreed after a moment and she sat across from me on another bench.

            “I hope I’ve not interrupted your story,” Ysolda smiled and I shook my head, offering her a smile in return.

            “No, it's just little spells I'm trying to perfect.” I set the book in my lap.

            "Work is never done for witches?"

            "No, it really isn't. But, you'd know, working the healing room like you do. You wish to be head healer one day?"

            "Yes, actually. It's always been a dream of mine." Ysolda set her hands on her knees, shrugging with a calm expression. A hopeful one. "How did you know?"

            "You seem to enjoy it, you're climbing the ranks. Ah, just a guess." I replied, pausing. "I merely help part time when they need extra hands some days. Others, I sit in back and make tonics. Sort supplies. Busy work. Healing was a good way to cross into sorcery though."

            "Which spells are you working on?"

            "Too many. Though, I found one. Odd little spell." I opened to a page and tilted my head. "Soundproofing rooms. Not sure what I'd do with it, but it seemed easy."

            "Could use a good scream." She replied with a peculiar expression.

            "Hm?"

            "Things get tough. World heats up. Might be nice to have a place to scream it out." She elaborated.

            "Yes." I met her eyes. Ysolda's skin was the a similar color to mine, mixed between fair and darkened tones from her parents just like I was. Granted, I didn't resemble my pale, mousier mother and my father's features weren't exactly like mine. No curls in his hair. Not the same brown to his eyes. It made me wonder for a moment. But, that moment passed with the clouds over the sky above us. Freckles caught when the sun touched Ysolda's face and she smiled at me. "I imagine that's a worthy use of such a spell."

           "When I was young, my friends and I would go to the cliff and watch the massive barges pass on their way for deliveries or what not. The engines would stutter and charge before they took off and went silent. They were so loud and the wind would pick up. We'd spread out arms and let the air carry through the glass while we screamed and screamed. Never able to rise above the passing ships. I miss it." She inhaled and I warmed up.

           "During storms in Asgard, the warriors love to go onto the training grounds and spar. Which really means they go out and stage massive mud fights. There was this hill, I used to watch some of the biggest warriors laugh like children and slide down it." I snickered to myself and she followed.

           "I've only seen Asgard in paintings. I'd like to visit."

           "The Vanir royals are so wonderful. You don't have an Elder council either. Just trusted advisers. I shouldn't say this but I'm jealous."

           "We did away with such a court structure eons ago. Granted, most died off."

           "Yes, Asgard is...working on that. Slowly." I blinked. "Not them dying off, I mean." Ysolda covered her lips and giggled so I did in return. "I'd love court life if it wasn't for them."

           "Must be difficult. Going steady with the prince too. They must be hard on you."

            "If I were skinny, rich, straight haired, bubbly, and pale...it would be a lot better." I admitted, pausing when her smile faded.

            "You are a warrior, they work for you. Not the other way around." Ysolda straighten up, cocked her head with a smile. "You are what stands between them and the enemy. Their children will make it home only because of that fact." I hitched a scoff and smiled brighter.

            "That's...very true." I bit my lip. "Thanks. With the rate you're going, I think head healer isn't far off. You should see Asgard, study Frigga's garden for ingredients they don't grow here."

            "I'd like that very much. Your Queen is so regal and smart. So kind." She offered. "I actually have to gather some things today for potions. With all the study, we've ran low."

           "Would you like assistance? Maybe teach me a few new things while we're at it?" I asked and Ysolda smiled again, nodding before she stood up and reached for my hand.

           "There is a plant with leaves that smell like sweet caramel, you have to witness it." She joked so I took her hand and followed her off into the gardens.

           "Sounds charming."

** *** **

            “I’m not letting you see the dress on me yet.”

            “I’ve earned it,” Loki complained but I shook my head, staring at the mirror in front of me so he moved up behind me.

            “You’ll see it at the banquet,” I lifted a small brush to my eye and began applying some makeup. 

            “New colors.” He observed.

            “Yes, I've been experimenting. Moira gave me this gold for my eyes. One line on each really adds to them,” I glanced at him in the mirror as he set a hand on me, moving my robe off my shoulder. "No dress."

            “Come now,” Loki kissed my bare shoulder, “I could help undress you,” he moved his lips up my neck, “and dress you for tonight.” I smiled a little, reaching back to touch his hair as he brushed mine out of the way to kiss my jaw. “Then  _undress_  you again after the festivities.”

            “Hm.” I sighed out. Loki lingered and kissed my neck again before I playfully wriggled away. “No.” I fixed my robe on my shoulder and Loki stood straighter. “You have to wait until the party, now let me do this here while you finish getting dressed.” Idly, he swept some of my hair over my shoulder as he passed behind me.

            “Are you ready to go back to Asgard tomorrow?” Loki spoke.

            “Yes, I miss the usual routine now to be honest.”

            “Are you also ready to get away from my  _adoring_  followers?”

            “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I beamed, watching him dress behind me so I looked into the mirror. I glanced down at the brush in front of me before I picked it up, changing the subject. “One of my favorite memories was watching my mother put on makeup when she did so on rare occasions. I used to watch Frigga as well whenever we played together as children with Thor and Sif. Always so elegant.”

            “Once, as a young child, I discovered her bright colors and thought they would suit Thor. He did not agree after I had applied them.” Loki smirked, straightening his clothes and I laughed lightly.

            “I like this.”

            “Hm?”

            “I don’t know, you and me, getting ready to go somewhere. Being able to  _relax,_  if just a bit. No Elders touching my hips or my hair. No comments. A welcomed change.”

            “And you still will not allow me to see the gown on you until then?”

            “Nope,” I grinned, turning to face him, “you look handsome.” Loki fixed his sleeve before he approached, taking my chin to angle my face.

            “I will see you down there soon.”

            “Yes, of course.” He leaned over to kiss me, thumb brushing over my jaw before he moved to go.

            “Loki…”

            “Yes?” He paused and I glanced down, shifting.

            “If… If I asked you to not dance with other girls? Not all of them, I mean. Those who are...pushing themselves at you…? Would that seem childish and…well, am I requesting too much? I’m not sure it’s fair. I'm just being insecure.” Honesty came in mighty waves upon the shore of my tongue.

            “I am afraid that there is one woman, other than you, that I would lend my hand to in a heartbeat.” Loki confessed before he answered. “My mother, the Queen.”

            “I can easily accept that.”

            “Very well,” he nodded, amused. “Do not be long.”

            “I won’t.” I waited until he left the room before standing to grab the dress.

             _I’m going to have fun tonight._

** ** **

            Poking my head in the doors, the huge banquet filled the room with music. I made my way down the first set of steps, clutching the banister when I sought out Loki in the crowd. Smoothing down the fabric of my dress, I spotted him while he spoke to Thor with his back to me. _Breathe._ Thor grinned at me and pointed before Loki turned, his smirk fading when his eyes caught sight of mine. Smiling wider, I watched Loki shuffle forward mechanically, ignoring those he passed as his eyes trailed up toward my face. On the stairs, I paused when he stood at the foot of them and looked up at my eyes, staring in awe. Shrugging, I clasped my hands behind my back.

            “How do I look?” A light blush tinted my cheeks when Loki blinked, his daze snapping.

            “That night you mentioned looking at the stars for answers,” he tilted his head, “I fear they likely do not come down out of jealousy.” The syllables warmed my soul, rippling up and down it.

            “Is that actual sincerity?” I joked lightly. A chorus of strings swelled. My heart with them.

            “I believe so.” Loki folded one arm behind his back and offered his free hand to me.

            “It suits you,” I took his hand and allowed him to lead me off.  “I get vibrant sincerity and a dance.” Loki touched my waist as we reached the dance floor before he began to lead. “You’re in a giving mood.”

            “I like to remain unpredictable.” He smirked and I shuffled to follow, glancing down at my feet. Across the way, Frigga smiled at us and Thor pulled her for a spin.

            “Do you?” We turned and I relaxed a little. “No wonder I’m always kept on my toes.”

            “I quite enjoy you there,” Loki pressed his hand into my back, forcing me to come up a bit. My amusement caught when we locked eyes for a moment, the light in the room playing off his face. Almost eerily bright green eyes stared down at me before I smiled.

            “Loki?”

            “Hm?”

            “ _Can I keep you_?” My voice dropped, the corners of his mouth upturned. Happiness bloomed and overflowed. Relaxed and contented, I watched Loki open his mouth to respond before a voice broke our moment.

            “Forgive me,” Ysolda, wearing a light blue gown, appeared and we both paused.  _Why?_  A voice in the back of my mind prodded. “Prince Loki, there is a problem in the healing room.”

            “I am certain that it can wait,” Loki and I had broken apart so I clasped my hands together.

            “You must come see, one of the potion boxes we worked on…I don’t know what happened.”

            “Go,” I turned to Loki before he could speak. He raised an eyebrow but I nodded, touching his shoulder. “I’ll be here.” Reluctantly, Loki moved toward Ysolda before she touched his arm and beckoned for him to follow. When I watched them go, I shifted my stance as Loki glanced back before they rushed out.

             _Not bothered._  I started moving toward the balcony but paused, looking back to where they disappeared to before I hesitated. _Alright. Maybe I was bothered a little._  Slipping out of the room unnoticed was easy, but moving into the shadows to shift into a cat proved even easier.

** ** **

            “The box must not have been stored right on the stack,” Ysolda explained. I hid my small body far above them on a wooden beam. Loki bent down over a box that had crashed to the floor, the many dozens of phials within it all shattered and liquid spilt everywhere. He exhaled sharply and stood straight, waving his hand to clean the mess.

            “None of the contents were unsafe, the apprentice healers can take care of replacing those potions tomorrow.”

            “I thank you for leaving the party to come check on it,” Ysolda touched his arm and he shifted aside in an awkward manner. It was unlike him. “It was kind of you.”

            “I am just doing what is expected of me,” Loki set the wooden crate onto a desk as I sat still, watching Ysolda gaze at him. Moonlight came in the windows.

            “Loki,” she said slowly, “I have been silent for a long while and now I think it’s time we shared our true feelings.”  _No._

            “Yes, I would very much like to go back,” Loki turned but she stood in front of him.

            “Please, hear me out. I have watched you, I have gotten to know you. Dark and mysterious. Intelligent…” She paused. “Lonely… Sad. I see you.”

            “And I have seen you. Staring at me like the others. Finding trivial reasons to approach me,” he watched her mouth part in surprise. “I am not blind. I’ve known. You can only  _pretend_  to fall in front of me for so long before I put the pieces together. Either way, you will leave disappointed. I am not interested.”

            “But, I’ve heard whispers of your current relationship. They say it is volatile. They say you are upset often and she, likewise, is somber. They all misunderstand you. I…I could make you happy. You’re happy around me, you smile and laugh and I know we’ve an understanding. You must know of my feelings and allow yours. I’ve seen you look at me. I could treat you like a prince.”

            “Everyone treats me like a prince.” Loki leaned in and my breath caught. “Get out of my way. We’re finished here.”

            “I love you, Prince Loki.”

            “My most insincere apologies, but you have not a  _damned_  clue of what that means.” And there it was. Loki’s words proved true in every way. I looked at this woman I was once jealous of and felt more empathy. My curse. Empathy. It was a crush. Harmless. My insecurity would get me nowhere today. Often, we cannot escape the fantasy. I was still there some days. Right now, I trusted Loki. He was a grown man. She was a good person. A young soul. And Loki could handle this on his own. So, I turned and left them, exiting out a cracked window to go back to the party.

** ** **

            “I…I’ve tried so hard. I…I broke these potions to bring us together! To get you to open up. You…You still can.” Ysolda offered a beat later before he could leave.

            “You can explain that to the head healers in the morning then,” Loki said coldly and her eyes were tearing up. “Do not approach me again. With any of this.”

            “I wish to win your love,” Ysolda tried.

            “Oh? Am I simply a  _prize_  now because you believe me to be different from all else?” Loki seethed. “Wish to change me? You are  _mistaken_.”

            “No, I’m sorry…” She whimpered, wiping her tears. “I’ve made a mistake.”

            “The first bit of logic I have heard,” Loki turned to leave.

            “Wait, no, I’ve made a mistake. Prince Loki,” she got in front of him. “I…I’ve done something terrible. Your beloved…I… She was so kind to me even though, I... I was stupid.”

            “What did you do?” Loki spun, anger lighting up his features and she stepped back. “What did you do?!” He took her shoulders, shaking her a bit.

            “I…I told a drunken warrior, known for pressing himself rudely on ladies, that she…she really fancied him but was too shy to say anything…to distract her while you were with me… I’m sorry…” Ysolda wiped more tears. Loki growled, pushing her away with near disgust. “It was so wrong of me. I am sorry.”

            “This is not some damn game!” The prince was already rushing out and away from her to get back. Ysolda knew she’d never gain his favor again.

** ** **

            “Let me get you a drink,” the warrior insisted but I frowned. “No need to be bashful.”

            “No…thank you,” I pulled his arm off my shoulder and moved to go out to the balcony for some fresh air but he took my elbow. In the middle of the party, I didn’t want to cause a scene, but my voice dropped to a hiss. “ _Let go of me_.” I yanked away and continued but this time he got in front of me and took my waist, his breath smelling badly of ale.

            “Come now, my sweet, I know what you require- _ah_!” I’d swiped my nails across his face, scratching his cheek and getting the attention of everyone at the party. _To hell with not causing a scene_.

            “Do not touch me again,” I threatened. Frigga appeared with Thor at her side and I saw Fandral shift away from the two women draped around him when he caught sight of us.

            “That is enough here,” Frigga spoke sharply, pointing to the man.

            “ _This little bitch_ ,” the drunken warrior stumbled and pointed to me; some of Vanaheim’s court immediately came down to apologize. I saw Thor take a step toward him but Frigga put her arm out, touching his chest. Behind me, Loki called my name and I turned as he approached.

            “Are you alright?”

            “Yes,” I took his arm, tuning out the heated conversation behind me as the Vanir guards tried to control the angry man; Frigga half-lecturing him on proper etiquette while she tried to assure the royals and court that it was not their fault.

            “Your prince should learn to control his  _whore_!” The man called, causing many people to gasp around us and I’ve never seen Loki snap like this but his fist went out before the man flew back into a dessert table, sending food everywhere. He hit the ground and went slack. No magic, just pure physical strength and rage. The sudden act caused my reaction to fall away instantly. The music suddenly cut, gasps followed with the clatter. Everyone looked from him to Loki, whose fist was still outstretched while his lips parted in shock at what he’d just done. Quickly, I got behind him and took his elbow when he tried to explain himself.

            “I do not know what-”

            “Take that pig away from here,” Princess Sigyn ordered some guards over and the drunk warrior was hauled off. Across the way, Ysolda was watching with a tearful expression and I pulled Loki’s arm down.

            “All of you, back to what you were doing, there is nothing to see here!” Their King swept one arm out. Slowly, people went back to the festivities and the music reluctantly began again. “Queen Frigga, I assure you that we have not a clue of where that came from.” Frigga looked to me for answers but I shrugged.

            “I don’t know, he just came up and started harassing me. He'd been drinking.” I didn’t move from my place half behind Loki. I held his arm, my thumb rubbing a circle into him.

            “I…I know. Forgive me,” Ysolda walked up. “It is my fault. All of this is my fault. I’m sorry. I could have put you in serious harm over this...silly thing. It was ugly. It was wrong.” Approaching me, she bowed low and began to sputter the truth.

            “For the next week you will write formal apologies to our Asgardian companions and you will work under the healers late to replace the damage you’ve done,” the King asserted firmly. “It is best that you leave for tonight.”

            “Forgive me, your majesty,” Ysolda stood. “Queen Frigga, I am sorry for what I’ve done.” Loki glared then and snapped at her.

            “You are in no place to-”

            “Loki, go easy on her,” I cut over him softly and he paused, glancing back at me before I nodded.

            “Thank you, I do not deserve that.” Ysolda clasped her hands together, looking at me. “I am sorry. Truly sorry.”

            “Yes, you do. Learn something from this. I did. I forgive you.” Was all I offered and she nodded her head and turned to leave, a guard escorting her out. Frigga touched Loki’s shoulder and offered him a smile before she kissed his temple.

            “If you both should like to go back to Asgard early, feel free to go. I can take care of your things here.” The Queen touched my face briefly before she moved toward the Vanir King and began speaking with him. 

            "You throw your shoulder too much when you punch," Sigyn remarked, in the softest, pale pink dress I'd ever seen with a crystal flower crown atop her head. "Roll your hips a bit. It'll help. Wasn't a bad punch though, Prince Loki."

            "....Thank you, Princess Sigyn, for the commentary." Loki was flat and I touched my lips, stifling my amusement.

            "You're welcome back anytime." She regarded me, touching my shoulder as she went and I bowed to her respectfully.

            "Princess."

            “I would like that actually. Leaving early.” Loki spoke after a beat and I nodded to him.

            “I’m impressed, brother, that was unlike you.” Thor grinned. I glanced down at Loki’s hand, his knuckles were red. “There may be a barbaric warrior in you yet.”

            “If you are insinuating that I am like you, you are mistaken,” Loki’s lip twitched upward.

            “Defending our lady, Loki,” Fandral appeared, teasing. “I am impressed as well.”

            “To hell with both of you,” Loki smirked and both of them laughed instead.

            “You deserve a drink when you get back to Asgard,” Fandral clapped him on the shoulder as he looked to me. “Alright?”

            “As flawless as your face,” I smiled at him.

            “You look divine, don’t waste that dress on a rotten night,” Fandral kissed my knuckles and moved off.

            “I won’t,” I took Loki’s reddened hand. “I should steal your newly barbaric brother away and clean him up, Thor.”

            “Certainly, try not to hit anyone else without me, Loki.”

            “I cannot promise you that.” Loki grinned and Thor chuckled.

            “I shall see you when I get back to Asgard tomorrow.”

** ** **

            “Come. They will send our things tomorrow,” Loki waved his hand as everything packed itself while I did the same.

            “Let me see your hand first,” I insisted and he exhaled sharply. “Come on,” I pulled him into the bathroom. Taking a cold, damp cloth, I rubbed some soothing ointment into his hand and washed it. “That…was rather sweet of you in there.”

            “I do not know what came over me…however, I liked it,” Loki replied evenly and I merely smiled up at him before I thought for a moment. “So, how much of the conversation in the healing room did you hear? That ball of fur up near the window did not go unnoticed.”

            “Enough to know that I did not need to be in there for you. I'm sorry about being jealous, however much. I do trust you. I know you'd never cheat our relationship like that. I do. She insisted I misunderstood you…well, I think we all know who has this time and for the record, our relationship is not what she said it was. But, I’m not upset with her. Not now. She had a crush. They happen. Sometimes, they crush us instead.”

            “Our relationship is no one else’s concern.”

            “I must agree,” I brought Loki’s hand up and kissed his knuckles. “Finished.”

            “Let me prepare and then we can go back to Asgard soon.”

            “Alright.” I nodded before he hesitated, moving forward to brush our lips lightly, catching me off-guard.

            “ _You are beautiful_ ,” Loki whispered, turning to go without looking back. Slightly awed at the random statement, I turned my eyes to the floor and let myself smile fully.

** ** **

            “Heimdall!” I grinned at the gatekeeper, the night sky was dark over Asgard.

            “Welcome back to Asgard.” The gatekeeper paused. “Eventful visit in Vanaheim.”

            “More or less, I’m sure you enjoyed a nice show.”

            “Gatekeeper,” Loki acknowledged him.

            “Prince Loki.” Heimdall offered as I waved and rounded the dome to go to the horses already waiting. “ _Such odd things we do for those we cherish_.” Loki’s breath sounded like a huff while he tilted his chin up and moved passed the golden clad protector. Suppressing the urge to laugh, I mounted a horse as Loki did before he nodded and we took off to the stables. I looked at the rainbow bridge when the colors danced and exhaled, happy to be back.

** ** **

            “I should just go in,” Loki insisted after we gave our horses away.

            “Nope,” I pulled at his arm. “I can't waste this dress and I’m not letting you go to bed upset.” Loki said my name, exhaling but I persisted, moonlight showing down brightly. “We can have our own dance here and enjoy the night,” I offered, pulling him back with me while we walked along the grass. Passing the gardens, I was reminded how gorgeous they looked under the stars.

            “I really do not think-”

            “Fine. I’ll go inside with you on one condition.” I watched him frown as I stepped out of my shoes and held them in one hand. “You have to catch me first without using your magic.” Abruptly, I took off, ignoring Loki when he called after me.

            “Damn you,” Loki huffed and I heard him begin to pursue me. Laughing, I ran faster, partially holding my dress up as it flew behind me. Through the gardens, I glanced back at Loki briefly before going into the labyrinth made up of tall hedges. He called out again, amused now. Through the maze, I turned corners and prayed I wouldn’t get stuck with Loki behind me. I dashed down a long path before I turned. Loki drew closer. Thinking quickly, I waved my hand and vines sprang up, blocking his way as I giggled triumphantly. “No magic? You are cheating!”

            “I never said anything about me using it,” I grinned, using my magic to split another path when I found a dead end. Racing through twists and turns, I heard Loki beckon my name. “Over here!” I offered back simply. Barefoot, I slowed and turned another corner before pausing, realizing I’d reached the middle. “Whoa…” Flowers sprouted everywhere with marble benches and a huge, decorative fountain sat in front of me. Sculptures of couples in embraces appeared to almost dance about the fountain as I dropped my shoes, admiring the bright fireflies while they flew around the scene. Lanterns lit up the area along with floating orbs in the fountain’s water.

            “ _Found you_ ,” Loki spoke, startling me half to death. I spun around when he grabbed me. “I’ve tired of this game.”

            “Admit it, you had fun,” I smirked when he rolled his eyes. “I got you to smile.”

            “Your actions are slowly warranting a punishment,” he warned instead as I snickered and pulled away to look around.

            “How have I not been in here before? The maze used to intimidate me so.” I trailed my fingers along the fountain as I rounded it. “It’s amazing.” Loki gazed at me before he peered down at his feet. “Are you still thinking about earlier?”

            “No.”

            “It’s over, you’re here with me now,” I approached. “It was not anything to be ashamed of. Is it also something Ysolda said?”

            “It reminded me that even those who adore me, do it not because they know the  _real me_  but the idea of me. Or their idea, at least. The mysterious sorcerer. Using me to create these preconceived notions that only benefit them. I am not this dashing, masculine, dark prince they believe me to be. I am not only interested in pursuing pretty women to worship. I’m forever the fluid and in between flickering extremes but, often I feel that I cannot openly show it here. Elders already dislike and seek to control me. Us. These people just…”

            “They refuse to see the real you?”

            “You should know that feeling well.” Loki gazed at me while I nodded.

            “You know how to tell the difference between people like that and those like Frigga and Thor…and me. I’d love to know your fluidity better and those marvelous extremes...and I know others will as well. But, what’s more important is that you're unashamed and comfortable. Give yourself to those whom you feel deserve you and never feel regret because you’re an amazing person. Flicker and scorching.” I touched his hand gently before I took it when he didn’t pull away. “Dance with me,” smiling, I settled his hands on the small of my back before I touched his shoulders. “We didn’t get much of a chance at the banquet.”

            “Why do I bother allowing myself to enjoy that kind of attention initially? It's a trap.” Loki muttered as we swayed.

            “We all enjoy most forms of attention. The difference is that you either enjoy the person as a person or the attention they give you.” I shrugged lightly. “I’ve seen the latter not end well.”

            “I see them hanging onto my every word easily, nodding without fail no matter what I say. It is reassuring but I also wonder what the point is. And then I look at you,” Loki’s green eyes searched mine. “In truth, you are the first person I have ever looked upon with worry that my words could fail me.” Something about the honesty in his sweet tone struck me and the corner of my mouth upturned. “I worry that if my damn words fail me, then I shall fall too.” He paused, dipping me as I kept my eyes trained on him. Slowly, I took his face in my hands, standing on my toes to get near his ear.

            “I do love you,” I leaned back to smile at him, catching his eyes glazing over for just a moment. We both relaxed against the night air. I nodded, assuring him as my voice went softer. “Very much.” Loki opened his mouth to speak and closed it, instead pulling me closer to dance again. He set his chin on my head when I leaned into him. Relaxing against his chest, I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and beamed, contented when he took my hand briefly to press his lips intimately to my wrist. I watched the lights dance off the water in the fountain for a moment. Giggling lightly, I paused when Loki glanced down.

            “What is it?”

            “I’ll never forget all those shocked expressions when that man’s feet went right all the way up over his head,” I got Loki to laugh, hushing.

            “I believe I broke many of his teeth, I think he got off easily.”

            “Look at this new side of you coming out.” I mused when he shook his head.

            “Are you really just now noticing it?”

            “Not really, I was just reminded  _very abruptly_  of it,” I shrugged. Loki reached up to sweep some hair from my shoulder.

            “You want to talk about being protective, I seem to recall you screaming and pushing at a boy for making fun of me when we were preteens. First outburst I ever saw, I thought that shy girl had been possessed.” 

            “Then Thor pulled me away, only to wheel around and dive on the boy when he heard what he called you,” I added and Loki shook his head again, entertained. “Children can be cruel.”

            “So can fully grown adults,” Loki took my hand and pulled me off with him. “Come. Cheat our way out of here so we can go back.” Laughing, I nodded to him before pausing.

            “Loki.” I began and he glanced back at me when I got up on my toes to kiss his jaw, leaning back before I spoke. “You should know that if and when your words fall before you…I’ll understand… I will,” I tilted my head when his hand brushed some hair from my cheek, fingertips grazing down my jaw. “I promise you that I’ll understand.” When Loki didn’t speak after my confession, I closed my eyes so he drew closer to capture my lips. I hoped he could feel the honesty in the promise I’d made.

            “That familiar question you asked me earlier on Vanaheim,” he murmured against my ear. “Silly girl, I have been yours,” Loki exhaled and my heart lifted, “I have always been yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random but, I always pictured Rashida Jones from parks and rec as Ysolda and Tia Carrere from Wayne's World as Moira. Anyone reading, thank you! Things...take a turn after this one. Heavier themes ahead. Fair warning.


	13. A Good Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another few years have come and gone. Loki and the Lady continue life in Asgard together through magic instruction, their romantic relationship, and training in battle. The Lady gets a shock from her long pushed aside home life and nothing is the same. Secrets are revealed with many more to follow. It's a twisting path. Dark times ahead, fair warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lady feels the struggle of being tugged around. Still looking for her speciality. Things take a turn for the heavy through this prompt and the ones beyond it. Repressed memories slowly trickle in and ignored mental illness takes a toll. Especially against a harsh court life and the stress of being a perfect god. Warning for heavy BDSM scene and mentions of heavy abuse and suicide.

            “ _Loki!_  Stop that _._ ”

            “Stop what? I am simply standing over here,” he’d insisted. My eyes narrowed before I turned back to the book in front of me.

 

            “Let me finish copying these potions down and then I’ll come out with you.” I’d been so busy lately between instructions with Loki, training with the others, and working in the healing room, among countless other things. I’d made more potions and studied more books in the last few months than I could count, I couldn’t remember it ever being this busy. Behind me, Loki waved his hand to order the potions I’d made. “I was getting to that.”

            “I am permitted to assist,” he countered and I felt the clip that kept my hair piled on my head shift as if someone had tugged it.

            “You’re doing it again!” I turned and Loki’s green eyes flashed with false innocence.

            “You must be imagining things,” Loki shrugged when I turned back around to hurry and finish jotting a few more things down.

            “You’re the reason this took so long in the first place,” I muttered, “I have to go back to the healing room in twenty minutes.”

            “You’ve been spending a lot of time there.”

            “Well, they have required me a lot the last few months since many healers left for Vanaheim and wherever else around Asgard to assist for a time. I don’t even know anymore, everything’s been absurd… They have little staff and somehow more warriors and whatnot have been coming in hurt. How lucky." I felt another tug on my hairclip as I shut the book with a sigh of relief before my curly locks fell around my shoulders. “ _Loki_ …” I groaned, my head falling back when I caught sight of his smirk. My hairclip was floating over to his hand. Loki had this habit of taking my hair down when I put it up or tied it back. “You’re nothing but trouble,” I waved my hand to make the book float back to its place before I got up to approach him. Magic felt more natural than it ever had.

            “You have twenty minutes,” he purred instead, taking my arms while I rolled my eyes, “I can help you relax before we part ways.” Slowly, I slid my hands around his neck and smiled sweetly, pushing my chest against his.

            “Help me relax…by getting me to the nearest meal. I’m  _starving_.” Entertained at his flat expression, I moved to go around him and yawned as he trailed after me.

            “Starving and tired?” Loki tilted his head when the door shut behind us. “When did you last eat?” I realized we’d barely seen each other in the past few weeks.

            “Not that long ago, I ate breakfast,” my eyes widened in realization, “…yesterday.”

            “And before that?”

            “I’ve been busy, alright?” I rubbed my eyes. “Gods, when did everything get…so busy? I spent all of last night reading that spell tome you gave me and then this huge section on tonics for my work in the healing room and to be honest, I don’t think I retained any of it.”

            “You are exhausting yourself,” Loki took my elbow before he studied my face. “And using a concealing spell to cover the dark circles under those big eyes.”

            “Maybe I am,” I pulled away and continued, “I’m fine.”

            “If you were fine, you would have the ability to properly care for yourself or at least conceal it better.”

            “Yeah, well, let us count the times in the past I concealed it rather well,” I snapped and we both paused, his eyebrows quirking up as I quickly shook my head. “Gods, I didn’t mean that,” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “sorry… I’m sorry. That wasn't...directed at you. Not at all. Maybe I am…a bit burnt out, it’s been an overloaded year for all of us and I’m trying hard to push that aside…” I exhaled, my eyes flickering to him.

            “If this is about your father’s passing...” Loki stilled when I went rigid, head barely twitching to shake. "I know you've said not to bring it up. It's barely been a month since the incident. Gave the court, Elders, and...well the entire province a field day."

            “No, why would it have  _anything_  to do with that?” I seethed. “A man who tormented me, my mother, everyone… He is gone. Wasn’t even a true father to me… He didn’t even die valiantly in battle. Attempting to assault a mother while she was trying to take her children home… Drunk and destroying everything in sight. Attacking people. Guards. I knew he was sick but how does a being like him even get to that point? The guards had to act and he decided to fight them. They...They must have tried to subdue him and...I heard it got bloody. He got what he deserved and I received nothing. Sometimes, we don’t get closure losing people we love. But...often, it can feel worse to not get closure from people we hated. I'll never know why. Ever. For all of it. Why? I still remember his last choice words to me. He told me I was disgusting. He struck me. He tossed me out.” I looked at Loki, vibrating with watery eyes. Tears that could not fall. I did not want to feel this. Any of it. I couldn't stand the weight upon my back. The ache deep in my chest. My tone lowered, he barely heard me. "I wish I'd ki..." Swallowing, I could not allow myself to wish on exploding stars. There was a beat and Loki saved me.

            “Have you spoken to your mother?” He inquired slowly and I paused a moment.

            “Yes…after the burial. She said he’d been gone a few weeks after they fought. I was surprised…she wasn’t hostile toward me. Not even angry. No…she seemed so… _tired_. They’ve probably been fighting nonstop all this time…well, to be honest, that isn’t exactly a stretch from when I lived there. But, I mostly felt sorry for her.” I watched Loki nod once, understanding as we walked out. Winding one arm around the small of his back, I leaned into him, my head dropping to his bicep. Allowing me to seek comfort, Loki’s arm draped over my shoulder, his hand pulled me firmly against him. “I don’t mean to be different around you. I’m just hoping this all slows down again…” I didn’t want to say anymore and he appeared to pick up on that.

            “For now, we shall get you fed. Something warm perhaps.”

** ** **

            “You’re going to be fine,” I smiled down at the warrior as the stab wound in his abdomen faded. “Asta will bring you a tonic and then she’ll allow you to leave.” I nodded to Asta when she grinned and came over before I turned and passed busy healers to help a blacksmith’s apprentice with a nasty burn on her hand.

            “Can you assist Moira with the Elder in the other room?” Elisif requested minutes later. I washed my hands before I nodded quickly. Entering, I spotted Moira with Torvar. Quiet and usually found with a cup of wine in hand. Seated against the bed, he looked to be with fever when I came over and took the rag from Moira’s hand; she got up to put a tonic together.

            “You, girl. I know you,” he muttered as I dabbed his forehead. Gods, he was drunk. When I didn’t say anything, he snapped at me. “Speak!”

            “Yes, my lord,” I swallowed, eyeing Moira’s back in the corner. “You’ll be out of here soon, I’m sure.”

            “Prince Loki's little paramour,” he went on. “You still study under him in sorcery.”

            “That is correct, my lord,” I affirmed cordially, knowing very well about how I should speak to him regardless of how I felt. “The prince is very good to me.” I hoped his tonic would be finished soon and a guard came in.

            “I am to report on his condition.”

            “He shall be fine very soon,” Moira answered softly as she worked.

            “Tyr, come in for a moment. This girl’s given up most of her warrior’s duties to study sorcery. Show her a real, hardworking protector.” The Elder was laughing and my chest twisted as his snide remark crept under my skin.  _Real_?  _Hardworking_? I worked damn hard, this man had no idea.

            “She works extremely hard, my lord,” Moira had paused behind me with venom in her eyes. 

            “Forgive me,” Tyr seemed uncomfortable but hid it under a stern expression. “Let these women do their job and you'll be well. They want you sober. I must get back. Rest well, milord.” Anger blazed my insides. I’ve been working so hard for so long and this vile man had the audacity to make such remarks without knowing a thing about me or magic. My hands shook and I pictured them wrapped around the Elder’s throat for a moment before his chuckle snapped me back to attention. I suddenly knew exactly how Loki felt and that made me even more upset, the thought of him receiving these comments from the Elders or anyone.

            “I have not given up my duties,  _sir_ , I have merely added to them,” I spoke evenly but my voice quaked and my face heated when everything inside me churned over. I wanted to rip out this man’s eyes and force them down his throat. My father laughed in my ear and said, _I told you so_. He would put his hand on my thigh and squeeze.

            “I’ve seen this. A maiden not able to handle a sword. Turns back to her books instead.” I can handle a sword, among other weapons just fine.  _But, whatever the skill, you don’t excel enough yet_ , prodded a voice in the back of my head.  _Good, not great. Never great._  My insides were tearing themselves apart and I couldn’t even defend myself properly. Torvar was chuckling again at me. At my skills. At my life. _Not a real, hardworking protector._   _Nothing. I was nothing._ I stood up from the bed so fast, I stumbled on my feet. “And the grace to match.” His amusement continued, rang around my head, and this all was  _killing_  me.

            “I’m finished,” Moira piped up a little louder than I expected and she touched my shoulder. “I can finish here, thank you for watching over him, I know you’re in high demand today.” Her brow furrowed and she nodded for me to go, which I did. Pacing quickly into another empty room, I realized I was breathing sporadically and the straight posture I put on for everyone else crumpled. _Breathe_. My hands shook and my head pounded before I grabbed it, holding myself a moment while I paced.  _I could use a good scream_ , I thought. Instead, I waved my hand and light swept over the room while that simple soundproofing spell did the work.  _Breathe!_  I looked up at the ceiling and caught my reflection in the gold above me before I heaved for air abruptly.

            The scream that tore into my vocal cords rattled the room.

** ** **

            “We need you to deliver them to the village, we’ve no one else,” Elisif explained before I nodded. "I apologize."

            “I’ll leave right away." I replied. "It's not your fault." I twitched my lips and dug into my bag. "I fixed the tear in that garment, with the breast forms in it. Wire shouldn't poke you anymore. Good as new. Should still fit fine. Gave me a chance to learn a new mending spell."

           "You didn't have to do that, but I'm thankful all the same." Elisif radiated with a smile. "This was my favorite one. Won't need it after the operation. I'll make it up to you, hon."

           "Really, it was nothing. Say hi to your son when you see him." I exhaled. "I'll hurry out once the delivery is loaded." Elisif touched my face and passed me so I set out. Delivering potions to another village wasn’t a problem but I was spent and the ride was going to be a long trail of hell there and back. Forcibly composed, I robotically finished my rounds along the healing room. Throwing myself into work usually helped but I felt like I was crumbling down. Worse, I was supposed to meet Loki later but I wouldn’t be back until long after dark now.  _By the nine, why?_

            “Are you alright?” Moira appeared and I smiled without even thinking before my voice caught up with me.

            “Yes, about to leave,” I exhaled. “Could you deliver a letter to Loki for me?”

            “Certainly. Look, about that Elder, I am sorry. You didn’t deserve that,” she responded quietly.

            “No, you had to deal with him too. It’s fine.” I assured her before I went into the other room and jotted down a note, folding it.

            “I’ll get this to the prince when you leave.”

            “Tell him I’m sorry about this. He’ll likely be in the library if he isn’t in his room or on the training grounds this afternoon.”

            “Have a safe trip, my friend,” she spoke. “Come back as soon as possible.”

            “I will, thank you, Moira.” I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat before making my way out. Maybe this will get my mind off what happened. Though, I didn’t count on that thought.

** ** **

            Loki searched through a few books in the library before the doors behind him opened and he turned swiftly, almost eagerly to see an Asgardian whose name he didn’t know.

            Oh.

            The second time it happened, he couldn’t help turning with the same eagerness before it dissipated into disappointment, his throat giving off a sound of annoyance.

            Nope.

            The prince eyed the bookshelves around him, seeking out the familiar dark red locks he loved to watch get caught in the sunlight.

            Nothing.

            “ _Damn it_ ,” he muttered more to himself, far too accustomed to her being around. She made him hope. It was a dangerous thing. “Hm,” he almost growled at the thought.

            When another woman came in, Loki couldn’t help tilting his head to see another healer spot him. “My prince…” Moira bowed, “…I was told to deliver this to you.” Loki took the letter and scanned the messy, slanted writing he’d traced with his fingertips on wistful occasions. “She said that she was sorry about all of this before she left. I know she'd much rather spend her time with you at the moment.” Loki nodded once and turned as she took her leave but paused. “Prince Loki…if I may? There is something that you should be aware of.”

            “What is it?” Loki folded the letter and pocketed it as she clasped her hands in front of her.

            “An event I witnessed in the healing room today.” Moira began and Loki nodded once more, narrowing his gaze.

            “Go on.”

** ** **

            Asgardians were known for their amazing stamina and I’ve managed to deplete mine. _Lucky me_. Mud caked my boots as I walked the halls in the dark. My body ached in areas I didn’t even know could ache. I delivered a horse drawn cart and took the horse back to get home, though I was hindered by some bandits on the road.  _I let them live. I think?_  Riding a horse for hours with a few breaks took its own toll. My thighs had to be bright purple with bruises now. Stumbling, I got to my room and went in, pushing my weight into the door to close it before I slid to the hard ground.

            “You should be more wary of the horrors that lurk about at night,” a voice beckoned before one of my lamps lit up. I would have jumped out of my bones at the sight of Loki seated next to my window if I wasn’t so tired.

            “Don’t be so dramatic,” I breathed tiredly, somewhat amused as the light made his sharp features more menacing, “I’m definitely one of them.” Aching, I got to my feet and groaned while Loki stood, two papers in his hand. “Why were you waiting there?”

            “I wanted to see you after you got back so I arrived here a while ago. Found some interesting reading material to go with the letter you sent. That healer, Moira, also relayed a fascinating tale. Torvar. I feel as if I have missed much as of late.”

            “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I lowered my head, “I need a hot bath. Feel free to keep talking but I cannot offer much,” I pulled off my boots and coat, waving my hand to get them to go to their places.

            “Explain  _this_  first.” Loki’s tone was colder and I paused. He held up a letter to my face, which I quickly snatched away.

            “You went through my things?” I hissed

            “ _Hardly_ , it was badly half-hidden under the book in the middle of your desk.” Loki paused. “You told me you only spoke to your mother after the burial but she sends you this letter mere weeks later to come see her. And did you?”

            “I don’t have to tell you everything,” I was shaking, my hair falling into my face limply.

            “Why hide it?” Loki countered. “You should not have even seen her in the first place after-”

            “I’m passed that, it was years ago,” I shrugged weakly. “My mother had to tell me something so I went. I thought I’d get that closure. I thought.” When I moved to pass him, Loki took my elbow and I exhaled sharply. “Loki-”

            “But, you did get something else, did you not?”

            “I just want it to go away for now until I can deal with it,” I yanked away, going into the bathroom.

            “If only that were how it worked,” he mused and I scoffed.

            “Leave it alone,” I muttered softly. Flicking my hand to start the bathwater, I wasted no time and pulled off my pants to see the bruises I knew would be on my legs.

            “Why did you not heal yourself?” Loki paused as I stepped into the water, still half-dressed.

            “Too tired…” I grumbled, crossing my arms over the side of the tub. Water filled the area around me. As it always did. I was consumed. Drowning.

            “Or perhaps you are not strong enough to after what your body has suffered lately. Perhaps you are also suffering partly on purpose.”

            “Let it go, Loki,” I closed my eyes and let out a sound of agitation at his relentless nature.

            “Tell me what your mother told you.” Loki softened. “I’d like to talk about it. We need to purge. Both of us.”

            “You ever…” I paused, licking my dry lips before I turned toward him, “…wake up and just realize what a...what a damn lie your life is at times?” Loki furrowed his brow. “When you’re feeling like that, do you look to your parents for that reassurance you crave? Your mother would say she loves you and…the man you call  _father_ …he…” My lip trembled as I collected myself. "Maybe you look to me. I love you. You love me so much. Being in a relationship doesn't cure the sicknesses we both live with. But, we wouldn't die without each other. We'd go on. We'd survive without the other. I think the point...is that we don't wish to. But, there are things I cannot survive losing. My identity for one. The tiny pieces of shattered glass I've stepped on and crawled over to glue back together."

          “What happened?” He requested and I let out a deep breath that caused my lip to quiver again.

           “My birth happened. What a sick joke it was. My mother. She told me that…that the man I called father for all my life. The man I longed to impress. The man that I tried so hard to make love me. Protect me. The man who abused me instead. The man who ruined my life. Took my childhood. Shredded my memories and soul apart. He…he wasn’t my father. Not by blood.” Water was rising around me before I shut it off, my sparse clothes sticking to my skin. Loki looked awed at me as I went on. “My father… My real father was a merchant from a far away village. Years ago…they knew each other for a short time…but…she got pregnant with me… He’d recently lost much of his business and suffered a terrible leg wound… He couldn’t work… Couldn’t provide. Shame. I don't know. So he left her, thinking it was best. My mother married a man not long after he supposedly picked up the pieces and swore to provide for her…  _Oh gods_ ,” I put my face in my hands when a tremor shook my body. “Saying this out loud makes it so real…and I don’t want it to be. He put that axe in my hands and rubbed against me.” I cursed. I growled low with repressed rage and swore again. Loki inched toward me, trying to fathom it. 

            “Why did you not tell me this?” Loki spoke calmly and I sniffed.

            “I didn’t know what to do… I went to Heimdall and learned that  _he_ …my real father…had passed long ago. I didn't want to hear anymore. I just… I couldn’t think or breathe and I wanted it all to go away…but every time I look in the mirror, I’m reminded…and…” My body tremored again and I pulled my emotions back pathetically.

          “You can confide in me.” He coaxed.

          “Heimdall said…  _His_  eyes, Loki. I have  _his_  eyes. It hurts so much. _I want to die_." I squeaked. "And I think of that  _vile_  man I called father for so, so long. My mother let this lying beast into the house and he put his hands on me.” I was crying now. “I wonder if he hated me because I was not his. But, I could have been _. I really could have been.”_   Water splashed and a pair of arms entrapped me instantly as Loki’s clothing soaked through. Shocked, I quickly gripped to the fabric over his torso, the warm water around my legs soothing me in the slightest while he held me tightly. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered, bringing my head up to look at him.

            “Do not apologize,” Loki’s eyes searched mine a moment. "Just breathe."

            “I, ah, should have told you,” I insisted. “And…” I sniffled. “And today, that damn elder… I’m sorry. I understand it now fully.”

            “I did not want you to.”

            “It brought up all these terrible things…and thoughts. For him to just toss me out like that as I was working… It was disgusting. I’ve run myself ragged with everything. My work. My training. And I’m scared that I’m at…this stand still. What if this is the best I'm going to be all my life? It’s all going badly and I’m scared that it’ll stay like this. I threw myself into my work because I could control that. Nothing else mattered and now I can barely bring myself to work and I don’t know what else to do. If I start losing interest… That day when I don’t get out of bed feels closer and closer and I am so scared, Loki.” Tears rolled down my cheeks.

             "I've got you. Right now. I've got you. Keep breathing. Speak, scream, do what you need." Loki shuddered, holding my face to see my eyes. "I am here. This is real."

             “I can’t even focus. Every time I’ve opened a book lately, I just haven’t retained anything or fully understood and…and I just feel so stupid, Loki. I feel so small and stupid.”

            “You are not stupid,” Loki touched my hair, pulling my exhausted body against his chest. My breathing became uneven and quick. I was possessed. Lost. Nonverbal and rambling all at once. Panicked. “I am here,” came his next promise. “I’ll get you cleaned up. You need to rest.” He was right, I was on the verge of passing out as my eyes felt heavy. “You are not small, nor stupid… You are driven and magnificent…and you are mine. You're alive and that's a beautiful thing.” Slowly, I touched his face, wet fingers sliding down his cheek while I breathed heavily. I felt raw, like my flesh had sliced away from my bones. Loki held me and leaned over, lips brushed my ear. “ _Can I keep you?_ ” My knuckles turned white as I gripped him, the world fuzzy.

            “It’s funny,” I wobbled and he kept me steady, watching me slip away slowly. “You are one of the few consistent truths in my life.  _Funny_.” I leaned into his chest and promptly sagged. My body let go.

** ** **

            “ _Hrm…_ ” I breathed, nuzzling into the mattress under me when I felt fingers shift through my hair. Inhaling sharply, I opened my eyes and rubbed them as I shifted over, blinking to adjust to my surroundings.

            “I must say, it took you long enough,” Loki’s voice invaded my mind and I jolted up groggily. Wearing a loose shirt and a pair of undergarments, I realized the soreness in my body was long gone. “Slow down,” he coaxed as I faced him, stretching to wake up more.

            “I…ugh,” I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my messy hair to smooth it down. Loki was sitting on the bed next to me, observing my state. “How long…was I out?”

            “Two days,” he shrugged nonchalantly, getting up and my jaw dropped.

            “ _Two days?_ ” I watched him round my bed to go to the table. “I…I have so much to do…I…” When I started to get up, my dutiful prince was already pressing me back down, a small bottle in his hand.

            “I took care of it, your time is yours for the rest of the week.”

            “You didn’t have to do that,” I shook my head.

            “I wanted to,” he paused, eyes meeting mine, “this way, you cannot hide under your work.” Curling my knees to my chest, I let out a breath, shaking my head.

            “You’re good, I’ll give you that.”

            “I am very aware,” Loki smirked, pressing a tonic into my hand. “Drink this, you shall feel better.” He waited until I did so before taking the empty vial from me.

            “How did I sleep for two straight days?” I covered my face.

            “You required that to be perfectly honest,” Loki stood and set the bottle away; waving his hand to draw back the curtains, sunlight streamed in. He sat down again and we locked eyes a moment before I looked down to cross my legs, fussing with the blanket draped over them.

              “Thank you,” I paused, “for tending to me after…” Trailing off, I waited for him to respond.

            “While I wish you would have told me the truth sooner, I suppose I cannot be truly upset. It’s your choice and that is fair.” Loki touched my face, compelling me to meet his gaze. “You’ve no need to hide such things from me.”

            “I wasn’t trying to hide the truth from you. I was trying to hide it from myself. Obviously, that never works out.” My lips twitched upward and I glanced down at my hands again.

            “I spoke with the gatekeeper. He, more or less, informed me of what he relayed to you. Know that I regret it worked out this way.” His words surprised me and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

            “I wish I could have known him. My mother said his personality was…complicated. I think he was like me… I think he would have understood me. I try to imagine him and it’s just an…empty portrait frame. He’s an empty picture frame to me… Like his pages were torn savagely from my book.” I shrugged before smiling wistfully. “Do you remember when we went with Thor to test the new barges. So sleek and fast. He flew them high and I got up onto the front while we soared. I spread my arms out and we all couldn't stop laughing. It was so beautiful; the way the water met the horizon and sparkled below us. Sometimes, I think about that day and dream I'm back there. I pretend I'm flying. I grew up with such beautifully cut-out fairy tales, dreaming that maybe my life could be like one. Silly. Everything that the little girl reading stories by candlelight thought she knew has been so twisted. Have I disappointed her? What do you do when your life completely leaps off the page into some abyss?”

            “You rewrite it,” came the most truthful reply Loki appeared to think of and my lips upturned.

            “I’ve a prince so far,” I grinned and he chuckled, “are you going to show up at my door when I least expect it, profess your undying love, and run far away with me? I can see it now.”

            “Set up our final scene then,” Loki beckoned me over and I shifted up on my knees to touch his shoulders. “I imagine you hardly need saving.”

            “Let us reflect on a few past occurrences when I did,” I laughed lightly, clasping my hands together in my lap. “I realized this a while ago. Saving another isn’t about changing who they are dramatically or making them see  _every single thing_  as you do to… _improve_ them by your standards. No, that would be selfish and…well, it’d really be nothing but disappointing. I think it’s more about leading them to some light, joining them in the dark, reminding them that they are not alone…that there is much to fight for, whether it be others or ourselves. In the end, it’ll always be their choice and maybe it will work out…maybe it will not. I’m trying to come to terms with the idea that it’s alright to be saved by another once in awhile. Often, I do need the reminder. And,  _my prince_ , I vow to offer it fully in return.”

            “I see,” Loki took my arms and pulled me half onto his lap. “We could, what was it you said? Be one of the few consistent truths in each other’s lives. A little peculiar coming from beings like us,” we both laughed slightly.

            “Bit easier than asking you to ride in valiantly on a noble steed and save me from a high tower. I’d likely have fought my way out before you would have even gotten there.”

            “That so?” He looked amused, dipping me back after I slung an arm behind his neck. “As for our final scene.”

            “No noble steed. No towers. Just you.” I smiled lightly. “You are allowed to save me once in awhile and I can save you right back.” Shrugging, I giggled when he leaned over to kiss my throat, his hand shifting into my hair as I held onto him. I needed this.

            “I still plan on carrying you away,” Loki murmured, coming up to look at me.

            “That’s it,” I breathed, “the final scene. You carry me away. And then for the epilogue. We can plan that another day. I’d like to focus on this present day now.”

            “Tell me exactly what you desire today,” he requested.

            “I want to leave everything behind for a while. Have a bath, a hot meal, and some fresh air with you. That’s all.” I searched his face. “Feel free to practice carrying me away, I’m not sure my legs work yet.”

            “I shall be perfectly content in assisting you to regain feeling in them later,” Loki smirked, standing up abruptly with me in his arms. Quiet as my cheeks warmed, I pressed face into his chest, remembering the scent I adored while he carried me off.

** ** **

             _Seems I wasn’t the only one in need of sleep._

            Glancing from the book in my left hand, I gazed down at the sleeping prince with his head in my lap that afternoon. Wind hushed over grass, carrying flower petals with it. I felt at peace while Loki's even breaths caused his chest to rise and fall. _I hope he isn’t tired after caring for me the past two days._  From the looks of it, he cleaned me up and healed me; possibly even checked on me frequently while I slept.

            My fingers running through his hair caused him to shift, turning his head to the side and I smiled as his eyelashes fluttered but he remained fast asleep. Leaning back against the tree, I set my book down before tracing my finger along his hairline gently and over the curve of his ear. When Loki barely twitched, I continued trailing my fingertips across his sharp cheekbone and then down his jaw. His breath caught just a little when I traced his bottom lip and down his chin, following the length of his neck. I felt his pulse under my fingers and smiled to myself, stilling. Looking up to watch the leaves rustle above me, I was met with a pair of sly eyes when I lowered my gaze once more. Surprised, I abruptly pulled my hand from his skin.

            “You make it very difficult…” He trailed off, blinking up at me with bright green eyes framed by black lashes.

            “What?”

            “Everything,” Loki decided and I didn’t argue with that, more amused now.

            “And you don’t?” I joked so he sat up and I set my book away. “Enjoy the nap? You were out for two days,” I laughed when he raised an eyebrow at me as I slung the bag over my back. Standing, I passed him, enjoying the wind again while it blew through my clothing. “Come on, I’ll get you an apple,” I wandered around a few trees and looked up at a massive apple tree with lush, thick branches that towered. Instead of using magic, I took a low branch and pulled myself up.

            “Are you really doing this the difficult way?” Loki crossed his arms, looking up at me.

            “I enjoy climbing,” I persisted, bringing myself up higher, “you’re free to join.”

            “We could both just use magic or pick the fruit from the closer branches,” he reached out for one and I stopped him, a thin branch smacked his arm. When he shot me a stern look, I giggled aloud.

            “Forgive me,  _your royal highness_ , but the best apples are near the top and I’m going to hand deliver the perfect one to you.” I grinned cheekily, bringing my leg up before I reached for another branch.

            “Remember when you fell out of a tree when we were young?” He went on as I continued up.

            “Are you reminding me of this to frighten me?” I paused, eyeing his smirk before I shook my head. “Yes, I do, Thor just barely caught me and an hour later, Fandral tried to stop me from climbing another.” My voice grew louder while I got farther from him. “Think I’m high enough?” I called down.

            “You have not run out of tree yet,” Loki called back as I steadied myself and half-crawled along a branch to reach the shiny fruit. I wobbled and froze, my breath catching before I exhaled and continued. “I am going to be upset if you fall.”

            “If I do, I likely won’t be conscious for you to rub it in my face.”

            “That is why I shall be upset,” Loki called in reply and I scoffed, stretching out to snatch an apple. “Are cats not supposed to land on their feet?”

            “No promises,” I grinned and he scowled at me. “Just be glad because I got you one,” I dropped it in my bag before grabbing another for myself. Beginning to climb down, I carefully stepped on branches to get lower. Behind me, Loki was silent now as I got closer, not looking at him. Near the end, I was about to touch the ground when a hand touched my hip causing me to go still. Loki ran his palm over my bottom and down my thigh until a vine snapped at his arm and I turned to smile sweetly at him. “Now is certainly not the time,” I leapt down, pulling his apple from my bag and tossing it as I passed him.

            “Hm,” Loki watched me return to my spot under a tree before approaching when I bit into the tangy fruit. We ate in silence a moment.

            “We could always take this back up to my chambers and enjoy them there,” Loki seated himself next to me, our shoulders pressed against each other.

            “Didn’t you want to practice magic a bit with me before dinner later?” I teased as he ate his apple casually.

            “You’ve been through a rough time, surely you are allowed to rest yourself longer. I shall happily  _assist_.”

            “Rest. With you. In your bedroom.” I mused, taking another bite. Loki wanted me. But, I wanted to breathe again. I finished up; turning my head to look at him when he lick his lips and angled himself toward me. “I have to say that I’m perfectly content right here.” Loki’s expression didn’t falter so he tilted his head at me and we stared at each other a moment.

            “If you insist,” came his quieter response and I started to turn my head away before a pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and pushed me on my back in one swift motion. The sound I let out was muffled by his lips colliding with mine. Instantly, I exhaled into the kiss, realizing we’d not properly done this in a while. My hands flattened against his chest.

            “Missed me?” I breathed when he pulled away, our apples forgotten. We sat up and his hands found my hips. Loki responded with another kiss, harder than the first, his fingers bunching up my clothing as my hands slid around his shoulders.

            “You have,” he shifted to kiss my neck, “been walking on a very fine line today.”

            “I can’t help myself,” my eyes almost fluttered closed, “I think you just  _love_  that too.” Loki pulled away, raising his eyebrow at me.

            “I think you enjoy being punished.”

            “I think I enjoy teasing you,” I sat back, pulling Loki’s hands from my hips as I shuffled from him to get up.  “Either way, I’ve been training hard lately and I want to show you how much better my larger scale illusions have gotten.” I smiled so Loki narrowed his eyes before I ignored his need and waved my hands. The figure that materialized was of me as I concentrated; she was smoky and near colorless, only able to float in place. Illusions were difficult and right now mine appeared as floating souls. Loki jokingly referred to them as  _shades_. The ghost-like clone of me smiled, twirling in her gown and Loki chuckled.

            “They are better I suppose, I can tell what it is,” he mused at the shade as she moved wispily to him, circling his form. Strands of smoke bled from her. I merely rolled my eyes at the remark. “Perhaps work on actually making them walk next.” The corner of my lip quirked up. The shade giggled like a nymph, her laugher just an airy whisper. She shyly moved to run the back of her fingers along Loki’s cheek but the hand merely faded through his flesh. He smiled honestly while she held out her arms as if to embrace him but went through his form, her own disappearing in a flutter. “Distracting me now with your own form of tricks?”

            “Maybe,” I shrugged, “you seem eager to get me back to the palace.”

            “Here is fine with me, sweetheart,” his tone made me huff.

            “So someone can waltz past and see us?” I crossed my arms.

            “I can shield us from their gaze with a simple illusion,” his expression was smug.

            “So you expect me to just allow you to toss me down in the grass and have your way with me out here in the open.”

            “Well, I did say earlier that you make everything difficult. I believe this will be one of those occasions.” His intense stare stayed locked onto mine.

            “You know me so well,” I smiled sweetly, “as usual, you are very right.”

            In an instant, I turned around and took off toward the palace.

** ** **

            “You are not going to get away,” Loki said. I spun on my heel in the long empty hallway. My arm shot out only for the spell to go through him before the clone disappeared. “Nervous?” I turned back sharply to see at least ten more clones.  _By the nine, why do I get myself into this?_

            “How about…one of you tells me where the real Loki is?”

            “Here,” they all said at once and I groaned.

            “Fine, we’ll do this my way,” I surged forward into one and cast a spell, a gust of energy sweeping the area and before they flickered and dissipated. “Come on, Loki.” I crossed my arms before I was grabbed from behind, a hand stifling my gasp.

            “If you wish,” he spoke and I gave a muffled sound of agitation.  “Do you give in?”

            “Never,” I pushed away and turned, smiling playfully as I took off from him; passing a row of guards marching down the hall. I glanced back and Loki wasn’t in sight before I slowed, pacing quickly down another hallway. Pausing, I looked around before silently shifting into a cat and trotting down the way again when I almost ran into a pair of boots after I turned the corner.

            “You seem to be under the illusion that you can outrun me,” Loki tilted his head, looking down at me. Flicking my tail, I bounded between his legs and leapt onto a ledge before I got into a windowsill. He leered at me as I turned and got outside, hopping from ledges to balconies until I reached the his room. Shifting back, I opened the glass door with my key before I slipped in quietly and dropping the bag on my back. Biting my lip, I exhaled when the door abruptly swept shut before I spun to see Loki’s smug face as he sat at his desk.

            “How do you keep doing that?” I huffed.

            “I’ve told you that I’ll find you, did you think I was joking?” Loki watched me cross my arms.

            “I came here to get ahead of you and you infuriate me this way. I could make you wait longer.”

            “Seeing as you’re in my private quarters, you are now bound by my rules.”

            “I don’t think- _ah_!” I shrieked when the real Loki grabbed me from behind and tossed me onto the bed.  _I fell for that again_ , I groaned inwardly. The clone was gone and Loki’s eyebrow rose while I swept my hair from my face. He came forward and idly pulled off my boots before I squirmed back on the mattress, not allowing him to take anything else off.

            “I’ve certainly trained you better than that, sweetheart. Allowing yourself to fall prey on multiple occasions?” He  _tsked_  at me and I rolled my eyes as his cocky attitude. “And you’re rolling your eyes at your instructor? You should expect a punishment in full.” My prince appeared mock offended, hand placed against his chest.

            “ _Loki_ ,” I fell backwards onto the bed.

            “You wished to practice magic,” he countered when I got up on my knees and crawled closer so he sat on the bed.

            "I push and prod and tease all day...and you still haven’t figured it.” Instantly, I draped myself across his lap, earning an amused scoff. But, my lips opened, smile dropping when I sighed out. Idly, his hand touched my bottom and my fingers curled into the blankets.

            “So you do want to be punished, all this play for that.  _Sweetheart_ , you should have merely requested it.” When I remained quiet, Loki paused as I stared down at my hands, grasped at the fabric of the comforter so tight. My knuckles paled. A great waved crashed into my heart. Loki touched my chin and I turned my head to look at him, my brows drawing together. “You have coveted this all day, have you not?” Loki’s tone was different and I nodded before he pulled me up so I was straddling his lap. Lowering my eyes to his chest, I waited a moment for him to speak. “Are you too afraid to ask me for such things still?”

            “No. Partly. I had a lot of fun with you today, don’t get me wrong. This has been something I’ve wanted for…a while. Since... There's just so much sound inside my head. Not just voices. Not just screams. It's like stones being cast around my skull. Fingernails raking. Feet dragging. It's like a blaring siren constantly and I can't fix it.” I trailed off. “I thought if I put it aside, it would fade but I think...I need, no, I want to just let go in the way we usually do. I put off us being intimate because I wanted…this too.” I felt his hands on my hips. “I didn’t really realize it until I couldn’t stop pushing you,” I laughed softly, meeting his gaze. “Could you…” My voice was hushed. “I want…you to be rough with me.” _Punish me_. 

            “If it is too much, you will stop me.” That wasn’t a request and I nodded.

            “I will. If I need to, as always.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as he slid me from his lap before I shifted back to the middle of the bed. Loki stood over me, almost menacing while he observed me a moment. His hand touched my jaw, the fingers slid down my chin to angle my eyes back to his.

            “Undress quickly and lie on your stomach,” he ordered, turning to ensure the doors were locked. Fussing to get my pants off, I pulled my top over my head, leaving on my thin undergarments still. Purposefully, I slowed. I wanted it to hurt.

            “I believe I said quickly,” Loki sighed after a moment before a hand on my ankle yanked and I fell forward onto my front with a yelp. “Hands together near the headboard, I’m going to bind you this time.” Careful to do what he said, bonds materialized and wrapped around my wrists before knotting. Loki tugged at them, moving back out of my sight as I forced myself to stare ahead of me. Fingers curled around the thin fabric of my panties before he tore them in one motion, causing me to jolt.

            “Loki!”  _Slap_. The rough slap made me gasp and Loki took me by the hair, his harsh voice in my ear.

            “No complaints, I did instruct you to hurry.”  _Oh gods…I craved this. Freedom._  I couldn't fix what happened to me. I couldn't put the rest pieces together in my head. I couldn't take my rage out on my lying stepfather. Death owed me a debt that I would collect over and over again. It wasn't fair. So, I longed to overcharge my body until I felt nothing. Nothing. When my prince moved away, I dared to look back as he picked up his chosen tool, a riding crop. _Fuck._ He was playing his part and then some. Instantly, I glanced away, regretting that I’d even looked back as he torn the rest of my clothing to shreds, leaving me naked and vulnerable under him. _Well, you are getting what you wanted_ , my head pushed. We’d both earned this one. “Breathe now,” he coaxed, his voice softer as I nodded, clutching the binds. “Make whatever sound you wish, no one outside this room shall hear us.” Light swept the room and I nodded again, my hands shaking. The tip of the crop ran along my spine, eliciting a shaken breath. This wasn’t going to be gentle.  _Good_. There was a pause before I heard this  _whoosh_  sound and tensed just a second before the crop made impact. My teeth clenched. A breathy gasp sounded from my throat. It hurt more than I’d originally thought.

            “ _Please_ ,” I found myself saying instead and his free hand slid along my skin, thumb rubbing a circle into the small of my back before he brought the crop down again. Loki did it a third time and I buried my face in one arm, my shoulders shaking by the time he got to about six.  _Focus_ … I could feel welts forming as he found a pace, hitting my bottom three times in a row before pausing and repeating.  _Smack. Smack. Smack._  Each one sent pain up my spine and down my legs, burning as the sting radiated.  _Smack!_  I shut my eyes tightly when hot tears blurred my vision. Saliva dripped from my mouth when I bit into the pillow, muffling a scream. The next slap sent such pain up my body that my legs instantly curled and then Loki slapped the back of my thighs in punishment.

            “Lie flat!” He barked and I forced my shaken legs to do so as the tears really began, a sob cutting through when he picked up his pace once more.  _I can do this. For him and myself_. I tried to count them in my head but the harsh whip from the crop caused my body to near convulse and my mind went fuzzy, the pain so great, it began to blur everything around me. The siren in my head fizzled and sputtered.

            “ _Ah_!” I near screamed into the covers under me as the crop bit into my skin. I had to force myself not to twist around and kick my legs as something built within my stomach. Something new. “ _Loki!_ ” I cried in a sputter, eyes shutting as he smacked me again and again. “ _Plea…se…_ ” I bent my knees slightly, bringing my bottom up into the air and toward the unforgiving swing of the crop, almost as if to entice him with a plea I couldn’t bring myself to voice. Loki brought the crop across my flesh and I yelped into the blankets, tears wetting them as the white hot pain licked at my tender skin. Loki stopped suddenly as if he realized what I wanted and shifted so quickly, I had to glance back at him.

            “Up on your knees,” magic relieved him of his clothing and I lifted one leg before forcing the other up, everything shaking erratically. Cool palms ran against my bottom before taking my hips firmly, his knee forcing me further apart. One hand slid between my legs as if to test me, two fingers pushing inside and my breath caught. Arousal never took me this hard. My toes curled. Loki hit me again with the riding crop, his fingers pumping gently within my entrance, swollen and aroused. Trembling badly, I felt him remove his hand before his tip pressed against my opening. Loki’s breaths were uneven. He about vibrated with excitement and need behind me.  _Yes._  Nudging inside, he pushed in with one fluid thrust, the angle causing discomfort as his hips pushed against the welts on my thighs and bottom. I whimpered aloud so he stayed there deep inside me, rolling his hips instead to not pull out. My spine curved up when I pressed my face down. The position forced me to take more impact, leaving Loki in complete control. “Good,” Loki encouraged me, his hands rubbing circles into my hips and I was surprised when one slid around me and back between my legs.

            “ _Oh…_ ” I quivered when he massaged my clit with fluid circles, his cock still inside me when my body tensed up around him. Pain and pleasure blurred together as his hips rubbed against my wounds. He was thrusting into me shallowly, controlling his own pleasure and forcing me to give into mine. Rocking my hips unconsciously, I felt Loki speed up his pace; fingers rubbing quick circles into the tender bud and my mind went blank.

            “Yes,” he compelled me closer and everything was too blurry for me to question it. I couldn't lessen the pleasure or squirm from the play. His hand moved faster and I was driven mad. “Give in for me, sweetheart.” Panting, my hips snapped into his, the pain and pleasure building until my back arched and climax shook my entire body uncontrollably by force. Loki rubbed harder, holding me in a state of agony and bliss until every muscle clenched up and he moaned. My walls twitched down around his shaft. When I sagged a little as he ceased, I got my breath back. My heart pounded against my chest and I was still crying softly. Loki was slowly thrusting in and out of me, teasing almost and I whimpered when I realized how sensitive my sore body was now. So that was his play. The riding crop came down against my bottom and my hips jutted as I cried out.

            “ _Ahhh_!” I clawed at the ropes, needing to hold something before he began to pick up a pace, thrusting deep as my face pressed into the mattress again to calm my cries. Loki’s hips began to smack into mine painfully, irritating the reddened skin and he forced me to meet his thrusts by holding onto me with a vice grip. The post orgasm sensitiveness heightening every sensation. Each nerve sparked with flames and screamed out.

            But, I wanted  _this_.

            “ _More_ ,” I breathed instead and Loki pounded into me relentlessly, the pain amplifying until I was near sobbing into the blankets.  _I need this. I needed this. Please, don’t stop._  He growled above me, panting hard as he partly held my hips up; the crop came down five more times and I was a complete mess under him. “ _Ah!_ ” Twitching and writhing under his body, the pain became so great that my mind flooded and promptly disconnected as if a switch was turned. The siren turned off. Ash lifted to billow out of my lungs. Loki must have felt me go, my body going pliant. Hurried to reach his peak, he leaned over and grasped my hair to turn my face to the side. I puffed for air and stilled. Yielding under him before he went harder, unevenly slamming into me as his own climax grew closer. My hands went limp around the ropes I’d been holding to, every fiber within me slowly letting go as he rocked hard above me.

_Yes._

_Please._

_More._

_Just use me._

             Practically limp, my body freed itself of everything and I just drifted there with him. We floated in endless pools. Sparkling like gems. My entire soul filled the room as something snapped so it could leave my body. I barely felt him ride out his climax into me but I did feel the hand brush my hair from my face. I fell to my side when Loki released me, my form slack as I stared off into space. He untied me himself and disappeared from sight, causing more tears to fall as I was afraid somehow that he wasn’t coming back. Insecurity gripped me and I could not move.  _Cold_. It was then I realized how freezing cold Loki’s bedroom was but couldn’t bring myself to cover up or even curl into a ball. I just lay there distantly. I wasn't someone's daughter. I wasn't a bastard. I was just lost. Missing. Loki said my name and I didn’t respond before he got back onto the bed behind me, pulling my torso into his lap to cradle me. He uttered my name again with no reply.

           “You are shivering severely.” _Was I?_ Worry entered his voice before he hastily bundled me up in a blanket, holding me too close to him. “Look at me!” He coaxed sharply. “Come back,” Loki took my jaw in his hand, shaking me. “Come back to me right now!” Two blurry green eyes searched my face before his hand smacked my cheek lightly. Briefly, I thought about biting it. “You should have said stop, why did you not say stop?” Loki muttered quickly.  _Because I didn’t want you to stop_ , the words never made it to my lips. My prince rocked me gently, murmuring for me to feel my way back. Like a sip of hot tea, I filled the spaces under my skin again. Bones rattled and moths fluttered within my organs, looking for bright lights. When I blinked after a moment, Loki appeared relieved and kissed my temple tenderly when a few tears leaked out the corners of my eyes. Licking my dry lips, I tried to form words as my world slowly came back in fragments.

            “Loki. I’m thirsty…” I stated in a tiny voice and he reached for the glass of water he’d brought from the other room on the bedside table behind him.  _He wasn’t leaving me when I thought, he was just getting me water_. Propping me up, Loki helped me drink the cool liquid. The pain in my body began to radiate again like an old lover. Drained and relieved, I sat in his arms after he’d put the glass away and looked my face over. Loki wiped my stray tears and I slowly maneuvered one arm out of the blanket cocooning me so I could touch his arm while he caressed my face.

            “Do not lie to me, are you well?”

            “Yes,” I breathed, closing my eyes a moment so I could nod and affirm his words.

            “Again, tell the truth or we shall not do this anymore, did you truly wish for me to continue?”

            “Yes…I did,” I promised. “I’m here with you. I’m fine. Sore.” I assured him, my thumb tracing a shape into his skin. What had gotten into me? I wanted to breathe fire.

            “I thought I went too far,” Loki shook his head, genuine fear crossing his face.

            “You were perfect. You didn't, you did exactly what I asked.” I stated in a melodic tone, gazing up at his eyes. “We always had that way of finding each other.”

            “I am definitely not patient enough to wait that long for you when we do this,” he almost chuckled. I brought myself up to wrap my arms around his neck. Loki helped me by holding my sore body against him, the blanket fell from my shoulders. His hand traced down my spine. I felt so strong and secure in his embrace.  So free. Loki laid down with me after he fixed the covers around my body. “Let me heal you.”

            “No…No, you already have.” When he appeared to insist, I shook my head again. “They’ll heal while I rest and likely be gone in a day or so. Just leave them…” Loki met my gaze and nodded before I allowed him to ensure I wasn’t bleeding at least. He covered me in thick silk and fur blankets, warmth coming back to my skin. I watched him pause when he caught sight of the chain hanging from my neck.

            “Why do you still wear this? I can get you something exponentially better,” Loki fingered the gold key hanging down.

            “Because you gave it to me,” I answered softly. “I love it a lot. It’s almost a symbol of…trust.”

            “Very well,” Loki touched my face, leaning over to kiss me for a long moment. “Rest here until dinner while I work. I’ll have the meal brought up for us.” Instead of getting up, he held me to his body and waited for me to sleep first; knowing the importance of caring for me after. Loki pressed a kiss to my shoulder then my neck as I closed my eyes, savoring his arm draped over me.

            “I love you,” I whispered.

            “And I love you,” Loki responded, “come back to me, yes?” A slight smile crossed my face as sleep tugged at me.

            “Of course, I will.”

** ** **

            The dream swirled vividly within my brain. They used to say Asgardian dreams held heavy meaning. They used to say it was still foolish to dwell on them. I stood alone in a bright marble room, the walls carved decoratively with interlacing patterns and columns. Trees of pure, shining gold sprouted and branched out, crystal apples hanging down and I turned, the lavender gown adorning my body swaying gently around my legs as I walked between two golden trees. Curious, I held my hand out for an apple, the pure crystal reflecting my image when I drew closer. A graceful hand reached past me, plucking the apple so I turned around, startled. Loki smiled at me, completely silent and held out the large, gleaming jewel for me to take. Reaching, we locked eyes and I gasped when he suddenly dropped it before my fingers could brush against the clear surface. The prince laughed while it shattered with a burst of light and iridescent colors splashed across the white floor, though leaving our clothing and feet untouched.

            I felt myself smile so Loki reached back to shake one of the smaller trees, most of the apples seemingly falling in slow motion before spirals of color painted the floor and expanded out. Plucking an apple from the tree, I held it out to him and squeezed it, a burst of light shot out from my hand and up into the air, specks of color painted the walls. I marveled as Loki swept his hand out, magic sending many of the crystals in different directions. They painted the room different colors and illuminated the area around us. I was giggling silently still, tossing one up into the air before it spattered light and color down around us; playfully I spun under the rain.

            “ _Keep your eyes open_ ,” came his soft voice, “ _put the light back into them._ ”

            When I turned back to where Loki stood, he was gone and I paused, completely silent. Confused, I looked around the luminous room. Turning, a wall was suddenly a giant mirror. Stretching outward as high as it could go. My reflection became the shade-like illusion I’d cast earlier; her movements following mine perfectly while I approached. She was me but she wasn't. Somehow, I knew. Her eyes. She seemed upset and delighted all at once. Thrilled that I'd looked finally into her eyes. It felt like she'd been locked away and waiting years for me to touch her. The wispy girl reached out as I did before I laid my palm against the mirror. It cracked, the sound vibrating before everything shattered at once, fragments falling around me and leaving me unharmed. She smiled wide until her cheeks split open and rushed through me. Unable to scream, I stared in wide eyed horror when she got free. But, she was long gone. _Or perhaps..._ Merely, I shook my head.

            This room was dim, elegant picture frames of various sizes covering the walls; each with a memory that came to life within its frame. Whispers entered my ears and I realized sound was coming from each one, voices overlapped and began to overwhelm me; the happy and somber memories exuding laughter and tears. I wished I could climb inside one and hide but I was blocked.

            “Loki…?”My voice barely floated above them. I peered at the end of the long room, too dark for me to see so I got closer. The voices quickly drowned out by the falling of what looked to be rain until I saw the floor and crimson liquid was pooling toward me.  _Blood_. Frozen, I felt fear creeping into my body before the red puddles instead went around me, leaving the area around my feet dry. When I stepped forward, the red pooled away like it feared me and I was aware of my heart pounding within my chest. I shuffled forward more until I was in front of the falling blood. I felt safe. As it showered, I reached out and even the falling drops appeared to defy the very laws of gravity to evade me.  _Curious_. Something was on the wall ahead of me so I took a breath, threw caution to the wind, and stepped under the shower. It was as if someone was holding an invisible umbrella above my head. The vermilion rain showered around me and left my body untouched. A large, empty frame sat on the wall, the portrait merely pitch black and I frowned at it. Unsettled, I almost took a step back but a figure emerged in a flash and a hand grabbed for my arm.  _No_. The lie I referred to as father sneered at me, yanking me toward the frame as if to pull me into the blackness. Into a memory that I long buried and could not see.

            I opened my mouth, screamed, and thick blood poured down onto me. It filled my mouth until I choked.

            “ _Such strength_ ,” my stepfather rasped, “ _they all shall forget that you are in great pain_. _Who can the strong go to for such agony when no one believes they suffer?_ ” He went on relentlessly. “ _Who do the gods pray to when they are falling like leaves from the greatest branches? Those living in good health will never truly understand those who have been shattered,”_ he spat at me, chuckling as my eyes went wide _, “but, they can try. They can try… But they will fail and you will be trapped within your own mind. Who will you cry out for then? You've killed her. She is waiting. Waiting for vengeance. Look.”_  Writhing, I kicked violently, sticky blood suffocating me as I fought. Clawing away, I fell to the floor and slid along the dark red puddles. He crawled out of the frame like an animal and I screamed, trying to speed up my pace but the blood grew thicker around my hands and knees.

            “It isn’t real!” I screamed, chanting. _“_ It isn’t real!” He drew closer and finally, I crossed my arms on the floor, hiding my face into them as I curled up.  _It isn’t real_. As if I’d finally gained control of the dream, everything went dead silent before light shined through and I looked up as the scene changed, the blood was gone. Not forgotten.

            “Found you,” Loki stood tall above me, tilting his head. I was on Asgard, near the willow tree and pond. The sun filtered between clouds. “You are very late.” Getting up from the grass in an instant, I tossed myself at him; my arms going around his neck as I lifted myself and got my legs around his hips. Surprised, Loki wrapped his arms around me, one hand cradling the back of my head. I sunk my hand into his hair and curled my fingers around his black locks, my other hand grabbing at his clothes when I buried my face into his collar.

            “I missed you.” Emotion shook my core before I went silent, closing my eyes and clinging to him. Slowly, he let me down and watched my face carefully.

            “We have to go now,” Loki nodded instead. “Come with me.” He released me and something in my stomach sparked with panic. Instantly, I grabbed his shoulder and blurted out something before my thoughts even caught up.

            “You can’t let go of me, we’ll float away from each other,” I breathed when Loki stared at me a moment and this odd look of understanding crossed his face. I didn’t even know what I meant but apparently he did and as if the words were some code; the prince nodded carefully. Slowly, his lean fingers curled around mine, lacing them tightly before he smiled, becoming the trickster god of mischief once more. We walked across the grounds, Loki leading me off somewhere. The sun grew brighter around us and the world went out of focus until it flashed black and I was lying in a bed. A broad hand touched my shoulder, compelling me away from the dream. I opened my eyes, the vision fading fully. Loki said my name before I turned, the warm blankets atop me shifting.

            “I’ve dinner for us,” he spoke, green eyes trailing down my face before I sat up carefully. My body was still sore.

            “You won’t believe the dream I just had,” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes while Loki put down some clothing for me to slip on. He smiled at me simply as I began to get up.

            “Try me.”

** ** **

            “Just what are you doing within Asgard’s secret records?” Days later, Loki leaned against a bookcase and I hushed him from my kneeling position in the floor.

            “Following me, my prince?”

            “I could report you for this if the gatekeeper hasn’t seen you and done so already,” he offered instead and I shot him a flat look.

            “Should he look, he knows I mean no harm. It isn’t as if I snuck into the room where the ancient and forbidden books and scrolls are held. Like some of us.” I countered, my voice low. This room was locked under the library and I figured the more forbidden books of knowledge were held in the deeper recesses under this one. Loki smirked down at me before he trailed over, running his fingers along the soft wood as he passed. I went back to the papers in front of me, searching quickly and scanning through names. I didn’t glance up when Loki crouched down.

            “You likely will not find him,” he stated truthfully after he read my expression.

            “I know… I thought that it was worth a shot,” I kept searching, putting one large book away before I picked up another. “My mother said he’d brought orders to the palace before and since they record those to keep track… I just thought…”

            “What are you to gain?” Loki asked and I paused, glancing up at him so our eyes met.

            “I just wanted to see his name written down…” I admitted, more somber than intended.

            “You know his name.”

            “Yes, but,” my shoulders slumped as I put the disheveled book down. “I needed some shred of proof that he was real. I’m trying to face this now and I wanted to see his name in these forms and…I don’t know… I’m trying to figure something and there isn’t anything else to do about it really. It just is the way it is.” I paused. “I shouldn’t have snuck in here.”

            “If magically putting his name down would assist, I could do that for you,” Loki’s lip upturned and I laughed slightly.

            “Thoughtful, but I’m not sure it would have the same effect,” I grinned and opened my mouth to continue when a call at the head of the room caused us both to freeze.

            “I heard voices,” one guard began as the door at the front of the room opened. Loki and I exchanged looks before I quickly slid the book away and we stood. He grabbed my wrist while we hid within the shelves and pulled me back against his chest. He took my other wrist next, his arms almost around me. I stayed planted against him and we backed up. Footsteps drew closer and I tilted my head to face Loki.

            “Trust me,” he muttered into my ear as he led me backwards. “Be silent.”

            “Anyone here?” The guard came upon our aisle and I had to force myself not to gasp while he looked our way. My heart pounded and I froze up but the burly man didn’t seem to notice us. _Loki shielded us with an illusion…_  I thought. A poweful one. 

            “ _Come_ ,” Loki nudged me around a row of shelves. We made our way to the door before another guard came in, causing us to pause as he was blocking the exit.

            “Find anyone?” He inquired and the other guard called back in a grunt. “Must have been hearing things,” he grumbled and I could feel Loki breathing into my hair. The second guard came in, waiting for his friend but still not leaving us enough room to get out. The first approached, both of their backs to us.

            “I swore I heard it,” the first defended when I eyed a potted plant behind him. My hand twitched and it slid closer to his leg as he backed up and knocked it over. Dirt promptly spilled everywhere.

            “Hearing things and clumsy, mate?” The second teased, shifting out of the way.

            “ _Good girl_ ,” Loki muttered, pushing me out swiftly before he pulled me along with him. We left the room and raced down two hallways before stopping by a row of open windows, the curtains blowing in.

            “That was close,” I put my hand to my chest, “sorry.” Loki clasped his hands behind his back, watching me a moment with stern eyes.

            “Try not to get yourself into that mess again.”

            “Says the prince who always seems to get himself into trouble.” I raised an eyebrow and Loki looked almost entertained.

            “Come. Omit training for today and have a drink with me upstairs,” he was already moving to go which meant his word was final. But, I wasn't planning to refuse. Crossing my arms, I followed, pacing to his side as we went up to his bedroom.

            “You might be a bad influence.”

            “Just now figuring that?” Loki smirked and I shook my head at him, my eyes darting elsewhere as he opened the door for me. “Sit.” Moving to his desk, I did so and leaned back against the chair, letting out a breath to relax. Loki waved his hand to make the wine pour itself before he made a comfortable chair slide toward the desk. The prince seated himself and spread his legs, hands hanging over the armrest as he narrowed his gaze on me. “How did you get into that room?”

            “No one saw the cat slip through the cracks,” I spoke, two wine goblets floated to Loki’s graceful hands before he slid one to me. “I seem to have a knack for slipping through cracks on occasion.” I took the goblet. “Thank you.”

            “A toast,” Loki held out his cup and I leaned forward, settling my chin on my hand as I propped my elbow up. “To slipping through the cracks.”

            “Hardly always a good thing,” I countered.

            “From one individual with a talent for it to another: if you slip through enough, you stop eventually. You have to stop. Somewhere.”

            “My life seems to enjoy challenging that. I suppose somewhere is better than nowhere…” I paused. “Is this exceedingly positive outlook you’re showing just for me after all that happened?”

            “Showing? You are confusing careless optimism with simple honesty.”

            “Hm. I prefer the latter,” I held my goblet toward him. “To simple honesty.”

            “To simple honesty.” We clinked cups and sipped before I sat back again, setting the wine down.

            “Who was your first?” I asked out of the blue and Loki’s eyes went a bit wide. He tilted his head before forcing a chuckle. “Kill.” I finished. “Your first kill. And I don’t mean on a hunt.”

            “Oh. That is an easier query to explain,” Loki’s lip upturned and I rolled my eyes. “I was hardly an adult at the time. Father was holding these vile poachers for murders, raids, and slavery. I believe there were six, though I cannot remember the race of being they were. Not Asgardian for sure, they were so large and a few had scales. They escaped the dungeons before trial and wreaked havoc within the prison. Unfortunately for them, my father, brother, and I were in the prison that very day. I remember one, twice my size at the time, ran straight toward me with a broken spear raised. I did not even think. I was young. I shot a blade toward him like I’d done thousands of times in training. It was then, as the blade went toward his heart, that I realized my target was an actual living being and I would be the one to take that away from him. After he went down, I’d turned to go assist the others. Guards began to filter in and I remember hearing Thor’s battle cry on the floor above.” Loki almost chuckled, raising the goblet of wine to his lips.

            “I remember this vaguely… The horns went off and about shook all of Asgard,” I nodded. “How did you feel after?”

            “Like I had saved my own life and hopefully many others. I felt like I did what needed to be done.” Loki replied simply, eyes turning to mine easily. “When did you kill your first man?”

            “It was a woman actually.” I corrected. “This tribe of bandits, if you remember, raided the village I lived in long ago. I recall them as having sickly translucent skin...very pale and filed down teeth, blood dripping from them. They tossed the entire village into chaos. I had been back from the training grounds. Warriors and guards alike arrived to stop them.”

            “I recall this, yes. It was one of the rare occasions I was near your village. I'd forgotten. But, I could not find you.”

            “You tried looking for me?” I tilted my head.

            “Of course I did,” he persisted, “I didn’t see you until after, when you left the healers.”

            “Yes,” I touched my shoulder idly, “this woman had cornered me in an alley. I remember smoke covering everything, I could barely see. She snarled madly like a bilgesnipe and almost took my arm off with her axe, only swiping into my shoulder as I dodged. Though she wasn’t all bad, she seemed to like my hair…I know because she said she’d scalp me and wear it after she slaughtered me.” I laughed dryly and Loki about rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me when his lips curled up.

            “I much prefer it the way it is on your head.” He drank as I did before speaking. “Go on.”

            “Well, she lunged for me and I lifted my sword so quickly, it sang against the air as it cut through it. But, she didn’t when it pierced her chest. Just screamed and still tried to tackle me down, which she did in a completely frenzy. We struggled and I rolled us over, yanking my sword from her and she just kept screaming at me as her tar-colored blood splashed us both. I remember wanting, above all, for her to….to just stop screaming, my head was pounding.”

            “So what did you do about that?” Loki kept his eyes trained on mine, unblinking.

            “I stabbed her until the screaming stopped completely.” I paused. “And afterward I think I felt as you did. We cleaned up the village, life went on as if it never happened, and here we are hundreds of years later with a longer line of battles to match that one. Our lives are so strange. We’re worshiped like immortal gods and mighty heroes, sure we can die but it takes a hell of a lot. Would you say that our lives are more of a blessing or a curse? To live and watch everyone else around us fall until finally something rips us down.”

            “I would say that it is much of both.” Loki replied evenly.

            “I sometimes fear those days where our greatest strength will count for nothing. It’s what Asgard is built on. What if we're not enough? In my dream my father...stepfather…the one who tormented me so. Well, I told you what he said, those words have haunted me for so long, before the dream, and to hear him, of all beings, say them after all that’s happened. I’m afraid that I believe them and I’m afraid of turning into him.”

            “Foremost, you couldn't become him if you tried,” Loki stood, fingers trailing along the edge of the desk as he approached me. “Create that shade of yours, let me see it.”

            “…Alright,” I lifted a hand and flicked my wrist, fingers splayed out before the illusion appeared. She floated there, almost curious as she faced us.

            “Hm. Interesting.”

            “What is?”

            “I can see right through this clone of you and I spot not a trace of your vile father, nor your mother.” Loki paused, glancing down to me. “Just you. I imagine that after his choice actions, you have taken care to become the exact opposite of him. You're too empathetic. Inordinately so. Too unrelenting. If physical strength cannot pay off, that will.” Loki’s fingers touched my jaw as I let the illusion go, my hand dropping to the desk. As his thumb brushed my cheek, I took his wrist and tilted my face toward his palm, our skin pressed together and we went silent a moment. Comfort surged up my body. “Here, I have this for you.”

            “Hm?” Loki had veered away to reach for something but I still held onto his wrist. He plucked a book down with his free hand. It looked like one of the books from the records room and I raised an eyebrow as he set it in front of me, opening it carefully to not ruin the large pages.

             “I retrieved this two nights ago, look,” he pointed to a page and slid his finger along the writing, “he was indeed real.”

             “What?” I looked down in wonder when I realized my true father’s name was written at the bottom. His signature. His own handwriting. My mouth went agape while my eyes watered but I held it together. “How?” I looked up at him.

            “I behaved for once and went to my mother, like you should have done today,” Loki beamed.

            “You’ve had this all along, why now?” I was staring down at the handwriting before I allowed myself to trace the letters of his name with my fingertips.

            “I waited for you. I wanted to be sure that you were ready to face it.” Loki replied and I still had one hand wrapped around his wrist. Bringing his hand up, I pressed my lips to his knuckles.

            “Thank you, Loki,” I looked up at him. “Thank you so much.”

            “I must tell you that I am required to return it soon-”

            “No, I understand. This is fine. Perfect even.” I gazed at the page. “I just needed to see once. Odd name. He must have lived far away from here.” I felt relief fill my stomach when I nodded, letting go of Loki so I could close the large book carefully before I let out an even breath. Quickly, I stood and Loki’s eyes darted to mine when I faced him. “This means a lot.”

            “I know.”

            “You were right…that if physical strength fails,” I shifted closer and Loki’s lips parted when his eyes trailed down my face. “This kind of strength,” I touched his chest and felt his hand take my arm as we drew closer, “it won’t fail as long as I remember it’s there. Thank you for helping remind me.” Fingers sunk into my hair. Barely inches apart, Loki exhaled softly against me before I stood on my toes to capture his lips and closed my eyes. He pulled me closer in response. One of my arms slid around his torso when my other hand pressed against the back of his neck. I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. _Home._ We parted barely and surged together once more for a softer one before I pulled away and opened my eyes to see him already meeting my gaze. Sunlight shone in from outside and warmed my face. I pulled back further to smile up at him.

            “Do not forget then,” Loki spoke and I shook my head as he shifted around me. “Come, we can get away from the palace for a few hours.” He tucked the book under one arm so I took his free hand.

            “I cannot believe you behaved when you retrieved this,” I commented as we walked out.

            “Well, I did. Though, it was after my mother had caught me attempting to sneak into the room in the first place.” He confessed and I laughed at him, covering my mouth with my hand.

            “I should have known.”

            “Do not forget the trials I went through for you. She practically dragged me out by the ear until I explained myself,” Loki made me chuckle softly once more.

            “You’re a real hero,” I joked. “My golden knight, adventuring across the countryside and stealing books from off-limit rooms.”

            “You make me sound so  _superior_ ,” he added flatly.

            “It doesn’t matter because, remember, you still have to carry me away in the end.”

            “All in good time.” Loki was radiant. Green eyes drew to me before my lips upturned.

            “I’m very patient.”

            “A dangerous trait for my clever girl,” he mused.

            “You think  _I’m_ dangerous?”

            “I know you are.”

            “Well, good, because I suppose a couple should know each other well,” I shrugged as we turned a corner. “Where are we going after this?”

            “The market, I’m taking you to run errands with me.” Loki handed the book off to an old scribe, who bowed low and turned to leave. “Mostly, I need to evade the palace during this meal hour.”

            “Why?” I wonder aloud while we made our way out.

            “Torvar. Let us just say that when they remove the cover from his dish, the chicken under it will miraculously be a live one.”

            “Loki,” I gasped, hiding my amusement with my hand. “I should be annoyed at you.”

            “Someone enjoying my tricks. I have a just companion it seems.”

            “And don’t  _you_  forget that either,” I laughed again, “I’m not going to thank you outward but…I will say that I really love you. A lot.”

            “Fine with me, sweetheart,” Loki didn’t let go of my hand as we walked idly across the grounds. His tone lowered when he spoke again. “I do love you as well but we may need to hurry away from the palace.”

            “What?” I glanced back and realized a guard was searching before I pressed my lips together, entertained.

            “They won’t drag me from the markets, hurry,” Loki pulled me along and we picked up the pace, thoroughly contented. “They’ll wait until I get back and I’ll assure them that I have no idea of what they are speaking of.”

            “Yes, you were with me the entire day. ...Will they believe that?” I asked, somewhat sarcastic.

            “Not a chance,” his smirk went wider. I walked faster and tugged him with me, to his slight surprise.

            “Let’s go then, I'll get you your alibi.” I looked back and grinned.

            “So we are similar.”

            “Loki,” I feigned innocence, “now I haven’t a clue of what you’re speaking of.” Instead, his lips curled up at me. Happiness filled each notch within my soul and my face lit up in return. 

            “You will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you don't get the closure you wish with those who've ruined your life so ardently. It's a great injustice that a person can bring so much harm and slip away like that. Stories don't prepare us for that. I wish it was different. It will definitely be revisited later on down the line. As always, thank you readers.


	14. Smut Interlude: Honeyed Treats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's hear it for another smut prompt. The Lady has tiring day and Loki relaxes her in his own signature way. She's shy about this act but warms up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I headcanon Loki as amazing at oral with men and women. He loves it. Can't get enough. Will beg. Let him do what he loves.

           “The prince is here for you.” Asta’s voice caused my head to snap up from pad I was hunched over. My eyes adjusted when I rubbed under them to fix the makeup before I switched off my work, holograms above me dissipated.

           “Already?” I hurried to push my things aside neatly, standing to check the time before I cursed under my breath. “Thank you, I’ll be out in a moment.” I yanked the tie from my hair and hissed when it pulled at strands before I finished up, stumbling around.

           “You did well today,” Elisif took my pad as I handed it to her. “Enjoy the evening.”

           “Thank you.” I beamed and sighed, running my hand over my messy curls before I cringed at it in the mirror. Trying to ruffle it down in the next room proved useless but Loki smiled upon seeing my face which caused me to relax. “Sorry, I ran late today.” Healers busied around us while he came from his conversation with Eir.

           “Eir tells me it was difficult this afternoon. Screaming rang through the palace.”

           “He’s all better. Won’t be diving anymore after that thing almost tore his legs off. But, the patient is healed now. Resting.” Eir explained. “Our healers also had a problem with a potion today and we had to air the smoke out for an hour before we could continue.”

           “One of those days.” I shrugged and Loki’s lip curled up.

           “My meeting ran late as well. Elders love to talk so no worry on your part.” Loki watched me untie my healer's robes and leave them open over my dark grey dress. “Mother stated that she’d be here within the hour.”

           “Of course, we’ll have the room prepped for her arrival.” Eir bowed. “My prince.” Loki nodded his head once and touched my back to steer me out while I yawned. A few healers waved as they moved around the room and I left with Loki at my side.

           “Sorry, I was supposed to be back in my room at this time.”

           “I didn’t think you would be, palace had a busy morning.” Loki dropped his hand while I stretched. “Tired from your long hours?”

           “Yes, a little sore too. Like I said, one of those days. That poor man screamed for an eternity and didn’t make it easy for us to tend to his wounds.”

           “He probably won’t be trespassing in that part of our waters for a while.”

           “Pursuit of knowledge on unknown sea beasts, Loki. I’m certain you understand,” my joke caused him to grin before he swept me toward his body, arm looped around my waist. “Ugh, my hair is a complete mess.”

           “Your hair is always charming.” Loki kissed my head idly and inhaled. “How about we enjoy dinner in my chambers tonight?”

           “Yes, please. Not sure if I can handle going out.” I pressed my head into his shoulder while we walked and huffed. “I can’t believe today was exhausting, I didn’t even train outside or anything. It’s not fair.” My whine elicited a chuckle before I went on. “How was the meeting?”

           “Too long and rather boring. You didn’t miss much in truth. Fandral fell asleep and tried to lean on me.  _Tried_.”

           “That bad?” I came up to look at him before we went up a row of steps. The sky was dimming just past the row of arches and I sighed to myself when the breeze touched my cheeks. Loki unlocked his door and allowed me inside.

           “Sit, make yourself comfortable and I’ll see to dinner.” Magic illuminated the lamps and I felt genuine delight, contented when I slipped into a cushioned chair at his table. It was barely two minutes before he slid back in and peered at me.

           “Hm?” I braced my head on my elbow.

           “Nothing.” Loki stepped forward, shutting the door. “You do look tired.”

           “I am… You should have seen this man’s wound, not much has made me queasy but the flesh and muscle was literally hanging in strips from his bone and-” Loki touched one finger to my lips and I smirked at him.

           “As much as I love when you’re utterly morbid, best keep that idiot out of the way for now.” He leaned down to kiss me, finger slipping to press under my chin. “How did you spend your day after the fact?”

           “Fighting with massive potions we had to make before I was hunched over some files until you found me after about two hours. You let Fandral have his nap?”

           “I pushed him onto another warrior I did not even know. They seemed to accept it.” He moved behind me and shifted the hair from my shoulder, fingers tracing along the hem of my healer’s robe before he pulled them down over my arms loosely.

           “What are you…?” I closed my eyes and bit into my lip when his cold hand pressed into my skin to massage.

           “Stiff,” he noted and I pouted.

           “Spent my whole day rushing around the healing room, I showered a second time on my break after dealing with that bloody mess just to relax before I ate lunch. Thought my eyes were going to fall out on that file I was looking over.” I swallowed a moan while Loki’s fingers pressed hard circles. “That feels divine.”

           “My poor, little apprentice.” Loki mused, entertained while I shifted to lean into his touch.

           “It’s nice to keep busy. Distracting.”

           “What, pray tell, are you trying to distract yourself from? I’m certain that I’m more qualified to distract you better than the training grounds or healing room.” Loki was rubbing my neck and I almost forgot my next thought.

           “That may be true…and it’s silly. I’ll just sound repetitive. I get thoughts in my head and I can’t stop mentioning them or…obsessing.”

           “Nonsense,” Loki guessed easily and kneeled to my right so he could see my face. “That situation with your mother and the passing of your stepfather. The new realizations that came with…it was rough on you. The Elder Council is also not allowing you to forget it in passing. It's past the anniversary...when all that came to light. You've done wonderful things this year both in training and in our studies.”

            "Imagine if they found out I was not only poor but a bastard daughter. I wouldn't hear the end of that." I looked up at him, idly touching his hand on my neck before I dropped mine on the table. "You've had an amazing year. You and Thor both. Your parents are so proud of the things you did and learned together. King Odin is slowly misplacing his council and unjust advisers. The people can see it. I hope it lasts. Sif got higher in the ranks as well, I'm happy for her. Volstagg and his wife adopted a few lost children. We had a mild winter. You and I built something strong. Our lessons have never been better."

            "You are still my only and favorite student." Loki mused and I hitched a giggle.

            "Those days we spend when I just breathe and follow your movements. The way the room sparkles and filled to the brim with our magic. It whirls about freely and intertwines. Those days are just so...peaceful. Yes, it was a good year." One hand kept rubbing into my neck and I exhaled. His free palm touched my clasped fingers in a consoling motion.

             “As for what happened with your relatives. Time is passing. You’ve handled it well. With grace. They all can see that. I know it will be difficult but I do believe this continued distance will be better for you. You first moved out here to focus on your skills and clear your head. Right? That has not changed in the years of you walking these halls. You are among those who strive to watch you do well and you have.”

           “I know…sometimes I still feel guilty. Just a bit.” I glanced away from him and hitched my breath while his fingers moved in circles. “That hurts a little.” My voice drew soft and Loki pulled away. “No. I, sorry, I was enjoying it.” Loki beamed with an entertained expression before he stood up behind me again.

           “Good.” My robes fell fully to my elbows as Loki moved my hair again to resume massaging me.

           “Ever think of,” I sighed outwardly, “doing this professionally?”

           “As if you’d stand to share my skills.” He replied, palms smoothing down my shoulders and back to my neck.

           “Right, the realm would just hog you away from me,” I joked instead, rolling my eyes while I craned my neck back to see him. Loki quirked up one brow and somehow managed to look even sharper in the face than he already was. The scented oils he’d dabbed on his skin were still crisp as soft hands squeezed in fluid motions. “I could stand to fall asleep to this.”

           “Dinner first.” Loki spoke pointedly and I sat up, chuckling. He waved his hand to clear the table, effortless, and I smiled when two candlesticks arranged themselves. I shifted and Loki moved from me to retrieve two crystal glasses. “Any preference for wine tonight?”

           “No, I trust you.” I stood to remove my robes fully and smoothed out my dress, pausing to fix my curls in the mirror. “I wish I dressed up for this.”

           “Unnecessary, we’re enjoying a relaxing night in this evening. We both worked hard today. Come sit down, you look lovely.” Loki pulled out my chair like a perfect prince and I slipped down into it, allowing him to push me in.

           “I like this aloof mood you’re in today.” I crossed my arms and nodded before he poured two glasses of wine. Relaxing, I corrected myself.  “I like where we are today. Together. Comfortable.”

           “Intimate.” Loki added and I grinned at that.

           “Yes.” I paused. “I like going out with you but, these nights in after such a long day are…” I trailed off when the fresh candlelight caught his face before I sighed and shrugged. A knock ripped me from my daze while I stared up at Loki’s shoulders.

           “Bring it in.” An attendant wheeled covered dishes in and Loki nodded when they bowed to him. “Perfect, I will serve it. That will be all.”

           “Thank you,” I offered and the boy smiled at me before going. Loki locked his door and I inhaled. “It smells amazing…and is that my favorite dessert I’m picking up?”

           “I  _certainly_  didn’t request that,” Loki was smirking. He set a plate in front of me and his shifted across the way. I flashed a big smile and clasped my hands when he peered at me and tucked some hair behind my ear. “A toast. To us.” Loki picked up his glass, sliding into his seat and I followed with a nod. Glasses clinked before we drank and Loki picked up his knife and fork.

           “I’m very impressed.” I sat straighter and fixed a napkin into my lap. “A candlelit dinner, all we need is…” Loki flicker his hand and the stained glass doors opened to let air in. “…moonlight.” The stars twinkled and I licked my lips before turning back to see him. “Did a lot of planning go into this or are you making it up as you go?”

           “Neither, I suppose. Technically, I’ve given thought to these things many years in advance.” Loki paused. “Did you?”

           “Daydream about the things we’d do together? Of course.” I savored the taste of my dinner and sipped wine while Loki stared after a moment of thought.

           “And what did we do together?”

           “It’s silly.”

           “No, it is not.” He caught my eyes and I sobered.

           “No, I suppose not.” I shrugged. “Long walks along Asgard at night. Just talking. I’d get to hold your hand maybe. I don’t know, we always dream of the romance of it but this reality is even better. It’s peaceful here. You’re not just Loki, romantic prince of Asgard, you’re still every bit my close friend and we finally get to explore an intimacy I’ve never been able to share with another.”

           “I have not either.” Loki picked up his glass and brought it to his lips before I followed quickly.

           “I’ll drink to that as well.” I resumed eating and peered up again. “Can we squeeze in another lesson soon?”

           “That can be arranged.” Loki drank and paused, eyeing his wine. “Are you drowning yourself in busywork to cope with stress?”

           “Yes,” I didn’t hesitate, eating at my leisure. “No use lying to you right now over a romantic dinner. Are you going to make me cut back?”

           “Make you?” Loki sighed. “No. I worry, naturally, but as I’ve said, you’re expanding your skills freely here and I know you can balance it, I’ve watched you and I am aware when you’re at your limit. If I can bring you some ease while you’re here, I consider that a victory.”

           “What was it that really changed your mind when you agreed to teach me magic?” I watched him poke at his food with a thoughtful expression.

           “It was many factors.”

           “Like…?”

           “My trust in you. My own isolation with it. A number of things. Curiosity. Your own struggle to find your place. I wanted to assist and I knew it would bring us closer in ways that even sex cannot. That terrified me. You wanted it and me…I coveted that. I know how that sounds but, you must believe this wasn’t merely a shallow greed I had. I was frightened of allowing you in but I didn’t want that holding us back. I loved you and I could not say it. So, I agreed to teach you something else I loved.”

           “We started magic lessons before we began a romantic relationship.” I finished and pressed my plate aside while Loki poured me a second glass of wine and filled his own. “Did you want to have sex with me at that time as well?” He lifted his brow at that and stood, gently placing his napkin down on the table. Loki picked up a small, covered dish and came behind me to place it down before magic cleared the rest of the plates.

           “Yes,” he replied, “I did. Often.” His hand lifted the silver dome and I smiled. “It’s your favorite, enjoy it.” Baked apples touched my senses and I exhaled when he moved.

           “You’re not having dessert? No honeyed treats you love so much?” I sliced into the crust with my fork and watched the soft apples ooze from it.

           “I’m considering it.” Loki was idle when he shifted his chair around the table toward me and sat back down. Something in my chest shuddered out to my fingertips and down my thighs. He picked up his wine and leaned back so I took a bite of dessert and hummed.

           “Delicious.” I took my drink and looked to him. “You made it a point to stand and serve me my meal when you could have used magic.”

           “Somehow I thought that would be more impressive to you.” Loki drank and leaned forward, setting his glass down before I offered him a bite.

           “Don’t make me enjoy this dessert alone,” I quirked up my brow and Loki chuckled, readying to shake his head before I dropped to a sultry tone. “Come, my prince, take a bite of my apple.” Loki gave a barely audible scoff as he looked into my eyes and took my wrist, shifting forward to take the offered bite. He swallowed and lingered before cupping the back of my head to bring me in for a hard kiss. I tasted the sugar and wine from his lips, felt him exhale against me while his hands cupped my face and I dropped my fork onto the table. My chair skidded forward in a sudden motion that pulled a gasp from my mouth. Loki chuckled, stealing a second kiss. Parting, he exhaled and touched his lips briefly before picking his wine back up and I laughed, turning from him.

           “After the years of our relationship, you still have this distinct, fluttered look in your big eyes when I kiss you. Something I know that no other has ever seen. The first time we made love, I held you and prayed that you’d never stop.”

           “There are plenty of things in me I’ve only allowed you to see.” I forced myself to stare away from him and took another bite of dessert. Loki’s hand was on my knee, fingers inching around fabric as we spoke. “I see pieces of you…that you don’t normally display in public. Openly, that is.”

           “I would enjoy an opportunity to show you even more in length.” He’d shifted the fabric up just enough to touch my knee. My palms were flat on the table and my spine drew perfectly straight. I watched Loki’s face, eyes direct and lips parted before I sighed.

           “All this romance tonight?” My chuckle was breathless, his fingers rubbed along my knee and up under my skirts.

           “You act as if I’m up to something.” He propped his elbow up on the table and set his jaw on his palm, watching me so closely. “I find it thrilling…”

           “Romance?” I cocked my head.

           “Pleasing you.” Loki offered. “You smile and laugh…and sigh with eyelashes all aflutter.”

           “You’re skilled…at pleasing.” I trailed off when Loki’s fingers pressed slightly into my thigh, kneading the skin. “But, can I ask why? We fantasized but I’m…I’m not…”

           “It brings me great pleasure knowing you allow me to pleasure you in turn.” Loki’s fingertips were dancing on my flesh, prepared to burn. He scooted closer only when my thighs slid further apart in response.

           “So you enjoy making me squirm?” I joked and Loki shrugged, drawing one finger up my inner thigh.

           “I know what I am good at but, I am still exploring what you enjoy most. I find that to be one of the best parts. For example…” Loki came forward and took my hand to kiss my knuckle. “Do you enjoy it when I kiss you here?” He leaned in to peck my throat. “Or do you enjoy this better?” His hand was bunching up my skirts now, head lowering and I shuddered. “Perhaps, this is more…to your liking?” Loki’s lips had barely touched my knee before I jerked involuntarily, hurriedly cupping his chin to bring him back up.

           “Loki, I…” I searched his face when he appeared worried he’d ruined this. “I’m sorry.” I reclined and he took his hands off me.

           “I just thought-”

           “It’s different from sex.”

           “It’s merely another branch sex.” Loki corrected and I clasped my hands tightly. “I want to spend time pleasuring you.” All the smut books I’ve read never covered men like this.

           “What about you?” I mumbled and he chuckled.

           “It’s for me as well.” Loki shook his head. “Why does this act make you so shaken? I’ve done it to you before. Frequently.”

           “In passing before sex while we’re both so heated…not just exclusively for an extended period of time.”

           “Do you like my mouth between your legs?” Loki asked, leaning toward me. “I fantasized as well you know. I dreamed of moments I could settle you against the bed and play with you.” His words were pure heat and I felt them scorching my soul. Angled to face him fully, I touched his jaw and watched him inhale with a sharp breath. My hand slipped down over his neck and chest to press against his heart.

           “It’s almost…too intimate,” I confessed.

           “That’s the idea,” he smirked. “It’ll be no different than when I’ve done it in the heat of the moment. Just…longer.” Loki’s fingers had slid along my collar, slipping my dress open. “I’ll get to linger and be lazy while you twist and breathe out pleas only permitted for me. Let me warm you up.” Consenting, I nodded. Loki came to kiss my neck, down my collar again and my chest shuddered. Two fingers came up to slip into my dress, pulling fabric down low enough to just barely expose my nipples. Loki was all tongue and teeth between my breasts with his hand cupping the back of my neck when I tipped my head back. “I’ll go slow and if I cause you discomfort, we’ll stop.” He’d come up to see my face, my fingers curled into his collar to bring him in for a lingering kiss.

           “Do…Do I have to take off all my clothing?”

           “No,” Loki chuckled. “That’s the beautiful thing about foreplay, my dear. We go at our own pace.”

           “Can you dim the lights more?” I asked after hesitating and he followed through without question. Loki slipped his hands around my lower back and brought me up with him, pressing kisses to my neck while I settled my hands around his shoulders. I giggled while he teased and fell back into bed with my legs hanging off the side. Loki watched me quickly sit up while his hands slipped up the sides of my thighs, bunching my skirts. I closed my legs and he looked up, fingers hooked around my underwear. “Does the hair bother you?”

           “Does mine bother you?” He countered, amused.

           “No…” I shrugged. “You’re just not nearly as hairy as me…or anyone else we know. I’ve never even seen you with shadow on your jaw.”

           “So I’m a little defective as far as Asgardians go, my face would never pull off facial hair without looking the part of an evil pirate in the stories we read as children.” He got me to chuckle abruptly before I covered my lips. “Please don’t picture that while I’m having sex with you.”

           “You made it worse.” I giggled, causing him to smile. “I just wondered.”

           “I’ve courted many hairy partners and I quite enjoy it… Can I have my dessert now?” Loki quirked his brow and I paused mid exhale, unable to speak so I nodded slightly. He pulled me to the very edge of the bed and tugged my underwear off, tossing it aside. “You’re free to lie back for me.”

           “I want to watch you,” I shrugged, my words caused him to still briefly. Loki watched me with a captivating expression but didn’t move so I pulled my skirts up further for him, leaning forward to plant one kiss on his lips. His hands were on the back of my neck so he could draw it out, opening my mouth. Teeth nipped at my bottom lip and I felt one hand slide down to squeeze my breast. “ _Mmm_ , do you...like the way I taste?” I uttered and felt Loki smile against me before he looked back at my eyes, his other hand palmed up my thigh.

           “Wider,” he murmured, kissing me again while I grasped at my skirts and the second my legs obliged, he slipped one finger inside me. My spine curved in response when he took a moment to rub before pulling his hand out so I grabbed for his shoulder to come in for more kisses. Loki was amused but reclined only to slip his wet finger into his mouth, suckling while I watched. “I love the way you taste,” came his reply before lips opened against mine. Skillful fingers made quick work of opening the top of my dress, his nose trailed down my neck while he inhaled my perfume and kissed my breasts. _Oh._ I shuddered when both hands ran under my dress, grasping my hips to position me before his mouth dropped down to my knee.

            _“Hmm…”_ I sighed and braced my hands back on the bed, head tipping to savor this moment.

           “By the nine, that amber perfume on your skin makes this all so real.” Loki chuckled, breaths ghosting up my warm thighs. “I thought so often of you. How you felt. What I’d get to do to you.”

           “When?” I felt his words alone pulsing between my legs, arousing me further. Loki dug his teeth into my thigh, pressing his palms down to keep them wide apart as he sucked on my skin to leave marks. I quivered when his thumb traced the curve of my folds while he looked at me fondly, not letting himself go further. He spoke with ease to rile me up.

           “Daily. When you were near, I fantasized about telling you how I felt. I’d pray in my own head…if she’d only just kiss me…” Loki pressed his cool cheek to my thigh and I sunk my fingers into his hair. “If she’d only look back at me. If she only loved me in return.” I sniffled and tried not to get emotional when his eyes peered up at me. “When I watched you leave from our lessons or the palace or the training grounds…I did so with so much regret. I let another day pass without telling you how I felt. I let you slip through my fingers because I was too frightened to tell you that I’ve loved you for most of my life. And so…in those moments, I had my fantasies. We’d start a lesson alone in the library where we spent so many days together…you’d let me take you into my arms.” Loki’s fingers were rubbing just so near lips, spreading them open before he moaned out at the sight. “I’d slide my hand into your dress and I’d taste every part of you I’d dreamed to caress for so many years.” Loki kissed just above my clit for a lingering moment, opening his lips to slide his tongue down and cup the bundle. Every ache in my body throbbed at once for him to relieve me. My fingers were tight into locks of black hair while he spread my lips to lay light kisses all over me, licking all the way up and down after to feel me twitch all over.

           “I did love you,” I puffed to confess and Loki moaned out like I’d stated the magic words before closing his mouth around my clit to suckle it. His tongue swirled, the tip nudged under the little hood and I gasped a high pitched sound in return.

           “Oh yes, my thoughts so often lingered on you,” Loki went on between kisses. “Once you sat by the pond under the shade of a tree while the rest of us swam in the sun that afternoon. You’d reclined under a tree with a novel in your hands and a light smile upon your lips. Wind kissed your body and I envied it. You lied in the grass, so contented and at ease while your fingers danced in idly motions to smooth out the dress you had on. I wondered…” Loki slipped two fingers inside without a thought to give me a deep rub. “I wondered about the way you’d touch yourself. If your thoughts ever drew to me.” My lips parted to heave before I stole a kiss and Loki smirked, pumping his fingers with similar fervor only to press them all the way in to rub once more. My hips almost lifted off the bed to meet them. “If you ever pretended it was me…touching you…working your body into perfect arches.” I felt myself tighten around his fingers before he slipped them out to put his face between my legs.

           “I did.” I cried out. Loki was eating me at his leisure without a worry or a care in this realm. His words carried the heat and passion but he didn’t try to finish me yet. I felt him experiment between my legs. What made me writhe and sigh out. I closed my eyes and let him explore, palming my breasts when it became too much. He didn’t look up when I watched him. “After our first lesson, I lied in bed and pleasured myself. I could still feel your magic in the air around me with my own. Feel you behind me…positioning my body into the right stance. Uttering notes into my ears. I was…intoxicated. I felt our energy swirl together. I felt my entire body unwind at your call.  _Ah, Loki._ ”

           “Go on,” he came up, eyes clouded with lust. Idly, he cupped his cock through his pants and rubbed before hurrying to taste me once more. His free hand slipped into my dress to tug my nipples, pulling fabric further. I didn’t allow myself to fall back when I lifted my thighs somewhat to keep them apart.

           “When you agreed… _uh_ …to teach me. It was like we’d finally bloomed together, opening up to each other. I knew what magic meant to you. I knew what it could mean for me. Every little thing between us had become…so…so important. I wanted to let you inside me…I wanted you to unfurl such… _ah_ …an intimate side to yourself. I wanted to be with you, Loki. I knew from our first lesson that magic…it’s…it’s a part of me too. We’ve always understood each other… We danced for so many years and I hoped…I wished…” Unable to continue, I closed my eyes to moan as Loki pleasured me. I coaxed him on, fingers gliding along his skull and tangling with soft locks. He gripped behind my knees and didn’t stop, stroking and suckling my clit only to slow when I caressed the side of his face with my knuckles. Loki allowed me to cup my hand under his chin while he glanced up to see me enjoying his mouth. Exhales cast out his nose while he moaned against my skin. I held his jaw in my hand, thumb tracing circles into his flesh to assure him what he was doing was so right.

           “Lie back, let me make you come.” Loki urged with slick, pink lips. My hand slipped back up into his hair while I fell back against the mattress, sinking. My breasts heaved when Loki’s fingers were inside me again to work me.

           “I wanted to be with you,” I continued instead. “I wondered if I made you feel as good… _ah_ …as you made me feel. I worried so. How is it we both were so frightened to not be enough when our relationship had all it already needed? You are my friend. My first love.” I bit my lip and grabbed above my head to blankets. Loki’s free hand smoothed up over my pelvis to hold it down. “But, we’re here now. We get to live out these fantasies as realities. Isn’t that beautiful?”

           “You’re beautiful.” Loki’s breath was lost with mine. I felt his fingers thrust and curved as his lips pressed and prodded. My eyes pressed so tightly shut while I curved and grew tight.

           “Loki, make me come,” I begged, heaving for any air I could get. He tortured my bud, coming up to grip both my thighs and press them down onto the bed. Loki moaned and the suckling, created obscene sounds. He didn’t worry about putting up a show and ate in a way that was dirty. My face heated at his play. The prince’s head was bowed so low between my legs, making a mess of me. My heart dipped and whirled around. I clawed at sheets and played with my breasts. “Don’t stop.” My pleas were heard and he slipped one hand around my thigh and down to join his lips against my clit. He pulled the hood away from the stiff bud and rubbed while the sensations sent me upward and over my peak. “ _I’m coming_ ,” I whined, spine bending as my heart thudded and my limbs turned to steel then jelly all at once. Loki slowed to draw it out and a tear slipped from the corner of my eyes until he relented. He came up to see me, still climaxing in little shudders that brought my thighs up as I squirmed in a state of euphoria and rolled my eyes back to sigh. Loki was pulling his cock from his pants to finish himself off at the sight of my body in this bowed state. The aching between my legs dissipated into muscle spasms before my hands slipped along my things to squeeze my flesh as if to pull myself back together. I heard him shudder and looked down to see him fall against my stomach when thick streams of seed landed against the bed and my legs. He slipped his hand from his cock and crawled over me to collapse. I held him tight and brought his hand to my lips to clean it, tasting us both.

           “I think I’ve figured what you prefer,” Loki’s breath tickled my neck when we chuckled and brought his hand down to cup my breast. My body was static and I hissed with sensitivity while he lazily rolled my nipple between two fingers and took it into his mouth. “Although, I’m certain further studies are necessary. It could take eons.” He kissed my jaw and found some strength to come up and press his lips to mine.

           “I think we both could benefit from such studies.” I tucked some hair behind his ear and searched his eyes, feeling the emotional connection between us burn white hot. My arms looped around his neck to bring him back down against my messy body, dress bunched up and opened. Loki’s wet cock twitched again when it rubbed between my legs before he got comfortable along my form with his head dipping low to rest in my neck. He caressed my jaw and nudged into me to trail feathery kisses along my skin until I sighed blissfully. “I love you.” I felt him hold me tighter in response. “I love you past the boundaries of our reality.”

           “I love you, sweetheart, so much.” Loki sighed and his eyelashes fluttered along my neck. “I’m happy,” he confessed in a thicker tone, “I am just…contented with our reality.” His hand was still smoothing against my cheek and jaw so I cupped it in my palm, closing my eyes to savory these moments before the sun could wash them out. My voice drew to an airy whisper between smiling lips.

           “So am I, Loki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DJ Khaled voice: Another one. Thank you to readers! Beware, the next prompt will really hit some heavy abuse and neglect topics.


	15. Birth of Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cliche of cliches that we all secretly love. The Memory Loss Prompt. Years and years later and another battle in Asgard, the Lady gets brutally wounded in the line of duty so Loki takes drastic sets to save her. Horrid realizations unfurl between them both when a new boundary is breached. Something locked away for eons is freed upon the world. Souls split. The Lady finally faces them with Loki and they endure. This marks the end of the first phase, Before the Fall: The Burn, and leads into the second one: The Fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't warn you enough. Horror tw. This prompt is heavy and openly deals with implications/aftermath of CSA, suicide, explicit child abuse, and neglect. Trauma and mental illness ahoy. Also be aware, like many events written into the Lady's homelife, it's taken from my experiences. Writing was really the only thing that helped me connect and sort through it. If you're out there going through anything similar, I know I'm kind of playing the faceless ghost in the machine but, I understand and neither of us deserved this. Any of it.

         “Get down!” Sif’s warning caused me to duck immediately when an explosion rang overhead, charred tree branches raining down. I couldn’t see where she went as smoke filled the area and I raced another direction. Heimdall warned us of the invaders. Cannons blasted upon villages. Warriors charged to clash. I could hear sounds of battle as I ran alone through the trees when the sky grew darker, my heart pumping quickly and I hoped everyone else was alright. Pausing by a tree, I tightened my grip on the long dagger in my hand as magic flickered around my opposite one. As I stepped forward, two figures moved out of the shadows, both masked and covered in armor, spikes along their frames.

            One grunted something I didn’t catch before the other raised his weapon, a gun with a huge barrel that rested on his shoulder. In an instant, I lifted my free hand just as he fired and purple light from my palm lit up the area. I was tossed back. When I stood, one remained and yanked the sword of out his sheath. I raced toward him and we clashed, the noise around us drowned out the sound when he swung and I blocked before kicking him backwards. Sparks erupted from my hand and his head tossed back when he screamed, the helmet flying off his head. Lunging forward, I stabbed my blade through his eye socket, the yell abruptly cutting off. Grunting, I yanked back and took cover when another explosion shook the ground. While they had strong weapons, they didn’t fight well. I wiped some blood from my temple on my sleeve and turned. Another smaller figure stood a few feet away. A frail man, much older than I with simpler clothing and a long cloak.

            “A witch,” he observed and my blade hand twitched so I took a defensive stance. “I can practically smell the runes in your body. They will not protect you from all, girl.” I realized he was a sorcerer from his clothing, much like Loki. I didn’t respond while he came forward, his bare hands were thickened with burn scars and I noticed his entire chest was covered in blood that seeped from a wound.  _He is dying_ , I realized. “Ah, yes,” he smiled with dark blood coating his teeth. “Seems I’ll use the rest of my strength to take down what Asgardian scum I can.” I sidestepped carefully so he went on. “Do I frighten you, witch?”

            “No,” my jaw tightened as we circled each other. I glanced down at his hands again, so covered in burns. _Excessive failed experimenting_ , I decided, _the pursuit of knowledge and power._ This shaken, crazed older man. Was I looking into Loki’s possible future? Or mine?

            “I will perish soon. But, first, I have something for you.” Even in his state, the old man moved about as fast as Loki. Barely having any time to react, my blade surged out to greet his chest, easing into the skin almost tenderly. Frozen, I watched the man smile. He choked, blood splattered my arm when one of his hands latched onto my wrist, not allowing me to pull away. I gritted my teeth, struggling to yank back when he brought his other hand up, something clenched in his palm. With his last breath, he blew black powder in my face and I gasped unconsciously, inhaling it right as I brought my leg up and kicked him roughly away. Dropping my weapon, I scrambled backwards and fell against the dirt while I coughed and sputtered. My mouth tasted bitter and I knew the black, ashy substance had filled my lungs.

            When I opened my mouth to call out, my chest tightened painfully and my lungs began to burn white hot. My body jolted so hard, I smacked back into a tree with a sickening crack, gasping out for my next breath. Flames licked at my lungs and spread throughout my body until tears sprang into my eyes. _Breathe._ My heels dug into the dirt as I practically clawed at my chest, fingernails cutting into skin when the sharp pain became so great, I couldn’t breathe. Falling against the dirt, all the noise around me became so far away and I realized finally that I was screaming. Every breath I took caused searing pain to spread down my body, the world felt so distant and I tasted metal. Practically convulsing, I would have pried open my ribcage to breathe. Everything felt like it was being squeezed and shredded.  _I’m going to die._ I thought of Fandral’s smile and Thor’s battle cry. I thought of Volstagg’s family and the rare occasions when’s Hogun’s face lit up. I thought of Sif and how the crowds always spread when she passed and how barely any warrior could match her. Then, I thought of Frigga and her all-knowing gaze but the world around me blurred and  _gods_  it hurt so much.

            Though my hysterics, I felt someone grabbing at my wrists and tugging them from my bloodied skin. I blinked through the haze and looked up to see Hogun speaking quickly with Sif and shield maiden I didn’t know, but I couldn’t make anything out. Hogun’s grasp on my wrists kept me from tearing back into my skin. Sif kneeled down after they sent the shield maiden off. She was talking to me but I couldn’t make out any words while my eyes slid closed but she jostled me awake roughly and shouted something at my face. I gazed up at her expression and realized she looked horrified.

             _I’m going to die_. I thought of my mother and those rare moments when she put herself between me and the awful man I was supposed to call father. Those moments that gave me hope that she was still my mother. I wanted my mother. I wanted those moments that proved the mother I missed wasn’t a just figment of my imagination. I wanted to forgive her. I wanted her to forgive me. Blood dripped from my lips. My eyes tried to close once more before Sif slapped me with just enough force, my face snapping to the side and I jolted back.

            “Stay awake!” Her voice flooded the world around me and fear gripped at my heart before a sob fell from my lips. “Let’s get her out of here, we can’t wait longer.” Hogun was picking me up and my head lulled forward, loose hair from my braid fell into my face. As they started off, I caught sight of the sorcerer, lying dead at the foot of a tree and my arm shot out, pointing before Sif paused. Realizing what I meant, she neared him as Hogun spoke.

            “A master of magic. The royals may know what to do,” he me watched me point, my entire body shaking as tears leaked out my eyes. My throat swelled. My heart was jabbed with needles. Sif reached for the man’s arm, his hand covered in the black residue and I scrambled out of Hogun’s arms, my legs barely working before I abruptly pushed Sif away with what strength I had. I fell between her and the sorcerer, coughing harshly and I felt the Goddess of War take my shoulder.

            “No…” I managed to croak, my throat too raw to say  _wait._

            “We need to get you to the healing room,” she tugged at me but I stopped her, “we’ll figure this out there! We must go!” Desperately, I pointed to the leather pouch on the dead sorcerer’s hip before I mimed what he did with my hand. They needed to know what did this to me and they needed to be sure it never happened to anyone else. Sif’s eyes went wide and she nodded. “Hogun, help me collect this, carefully.” Without touching the bag, they wrapped it up and set it in a larger sack before Hogun quickly picked me up again but, I was waiting for death.

            Finally, I thought of Loki and how I should have told him the truth about how I felt ages before I did. I would have had more time to map out his skin and memorize the pacing of his heart. I thought of his hands. The ones that both created magic and destroyed enemies. The ones I wanted in my hair when he stole tender kisses. I would have given anything for that insufferable gaze one last time. The darkness tugged at me again and this time it won.

** ** **

            Awaking to the light dancing before my eyes, I blinked and regretted waking. Pain ruptured down my body.  _It wasn’t supposed to hurt anymore._  Maybe, I was in Hel. The surface under me was hard and I had to close my eyes again. I couldn’t adjust to the lights around me. Disoriented, I shifted before I heard a gasp and someone else said my name.  _Loki? Was he dead as well?_  Before I could move, different pairs of hands touched me when I opened my eyes again. A shadow loomed over my face before I felt a hand on my cheek.

            “Breathe,” they said as I furrowed my brow before Loki came into view.  _I’m alive. How?_  His hair was tousled and his eyes looked red rimmed but he appeared alright after the battle with scuffs of dirt and cuts along his skin. I wanted to ask if everyone else was safe and if the battle was over but I realized I was breathing sporadically.

            “Calm yourself, dear,” another voice soothed and I tilted my head to see Frigga, working with other healers. The King himself was standing at the foot of the table I was on as Frigga turned to him to speak quietly.  _The soul forge_ , I noticed finally as the specs of light moved above me. Moira was hovering, trying to give me a tonic I couldn't swallow. Eir filled a needle instead and I screamed when it pluged into my chest. Breath rushed into gritty lungs. Blinking, I looked at Loki once more, the world still hazy around me.

            “Loki…” I rasped and he nodded.

            “I am here. Let us work.” Loki wiped a tear that fell from the corner of my eye.

            “It hurts. I can’t…” I gasped, my body shaken and sweaty as my hair lie tangled around my head. I badly wanted to go to sleep again. Everyone around Loki was talking and I had to focus hard to hold onto each syllable when he spoke.

            “We cannot give you anything else unless we figure what it is first,” his cold hand touched my forehead and I gave a slight breath of relief. “Mother, she has a fever.” Loki warned as Frigga worked. Whatever happened to me, it must have been bad for both the King and Queen to be in here. Or, maybe Loki begged them. Either way, the sharp pains filtering up my chest made it hard to breathe still and my eyes rolled back. “No, no, stay here.” My prince was holding my face, one hand surging into my hair to cradle the back of my head. “Stay right here…with me.”

            “Have to…tell you,” I forced out as Loki searched my face. “That man…don’t be like him,” I was sputtering things and Loki appeared confused before he hushed me. White-hot pain suddenly exploded in my chest before I arched from the hard surface and screamed again, startling everyone in the room. My head pounded. Struggling, I kicked and wailed, not stopping when Loki shouted my name. My hands began to claw at my chest and neck again before the healers held me down.

            “We have to put her to rest,” Moira was trembling while I writhed, fingers dug into my skin.

            “What if she doesn’t wake?” Loki looked at Frigga, panicked and I tasted metal again before a cough forced blood to spurt from my lips.

            “She will wake,” Odin paced over and set one hand on my head. “We need her to get through this first.”

            “Father-”

            “Have faith in all of us, Loki.” Frigga quieted her son and Loki sniffled, gazing down at me with desperate eyes before he bent over, his lips touched my ear.

            “Come back to me,” he begged. “You have to come back to me.” Loki stood straighter, one hand shook before it caressed my cheek and I wanted to touch his face but the healers were still holding my limbs down. “Do it,” he glanced up at his father and nodded. I wanted to say I love you and tell him not to worry but only breathed heavily as I watched Loki when he looked down at me. Odin’s hand felt heavy on my head before a blinding white light engulfed me this time as I slipped away.  _I’ll find you, Loki._

** ** **

            Waking again, I was too weak to prop myself up in the bed. Lights that reminded me of the soul forge moved peacefully above me to monitor so I exhaled and closed my eyes again. Tilting my head, I glanced down and saw Loki, fast asleep with his arms crossed over the bed. Relief filled me when I lie back and stared at the ceiling a moment, the sharp pains in my body now just dull aches. _I’m still alive._  Still hot and shaky, I let out another calm breath before looking back at Loki as he breathed softly, his fingers idly clutching to my arm. I slipped out of his grasp and settled my hand on his head, noticing now that both of my hands were covered with little bags that were tied around my wrists.  _What?_  He stirred lightly as I smoothed his hair back before shifting.

            “ _Hmm?_ ” Loki inhaled sharply and opened his eyes, shooting up suddenly when he caught sight of me. This moment of pure relief crossed his eyes and they watered before he sniffed and got ahold of himself. “About damn time, you’re rarely ever this late,” he quipped, his next breath trembled.

            “I have…my moments,” I exhaled, my voice hoarse and tired.

            “Stay awake long enough for me to get you some water,” Loki was already moving into an attached bathroom before he came back in record time.

            “What happened?” I spoke quietly as he slid a hand under my head.

            “Drink first,” he coaxed and I did so greedily, the cold water felt amazing. Loki smirked lightly and set the glass aside before he touched my forehead. “Still feverish, I don’t expect it to pass swiftly either.” I lifted my hands before flickering my gaze to him.

            “Why are there… _mittens_  tied to my hands?” I asked softly, almost amused, and he sat at my bedside, taking my wrist to untie one.

            “When they found you, you were well on your way to tearing a path to your heart. We healed the scratches and as we got you to the soul forge, you kept trying to do it again in your state.” Loki tossed the little sacks onto the bedside table. “Almost ripped your own damn throat out too.”

            “…What’s happening to me?” I croaked and Loki’s gaze shifted away from mine for a split second.

            “Truthfully, I am not entirely sure,” he replied evenly. “They studied the composition of what you were attacked with and healed you, yet here you are stricken with fever. They believe the worst of it has passed but we need your damn fever to break. That substance you inhaled set off a vicious attack on your systems as almost every ingredient in it was used for ravaging one’s health, I cannot begin to describe what he must have went through to create it.”

            “…Is everyone else well?”

            “Asgard is safe once more and you’re the last warrior in the healing room,” he replied and I let out a slight groan. “Give it time.”

            “I just…don’t want you to give more of yours to this.”

            “Nonsense, if this is where I am needed, I can accept that.” He tilted his head at me. “You’ve been awake for all of five minutes and you already think of yourself as a burden.”

            “I was hoping to not be with fever if I awoke.”

            “ _If_  you awoke?” Loki repeated and I looked elsewhere when he tensed. “Did you believe you would not wake?”

            “Truth be told, I didn’t think I’d make it to the healing room.” I winced at the thought of my body writhing in agony before I forced my gaze back up to Loki. His face twitched when his expression went unreadable as he blinked and went on.

            “Yes, well, you were wrong and I expect you to make it much farther.” He glanced down at my hand before I slid mine over his. Hesitantly, Loki took it and relaxed a bit, exhaling. “How is it you feel now?”

            “Like…the flesh is going to peel off my bones in strips,” I replied quietly, my voice so weak. He brought my hand to his lips, pressing a light kiss to the knuckle.

            “As long as you do not tear at it yourself anymore.”

            “What happens now?” I swallowed when we locked eyes.

            “We get you healthy so you can leave this room.” Loki watched me nod, my body already tired again.

            “Fine with me.”

** ** **

           Many visited as I fell in and out of sleep over the next few days. Loki was almost always nearby, despite my attempts to get him to go take care of other things, he kept saying this was more important. Which, I’ll admit, made me feel a good on occasion, but also guilty. My fever was frustrating. It would seemingly improve but slip back into a worse state later. Despite all the tonics pushed down my throat by Moira, I began to sleep longer and hold less food down. Loki would help me bathe but my body would be clammy and shaken the next day. I could see all the worried looks but everyone, even Loki, appeared to be holding their fears back. It was killing me inside. Despite the worsening fever, I had a bigger problem developing.

            “Fandral wishes to visit after dinner some time,” Loki moved the empty tray from my bed and I prayed for the food to stay down. _Who?_ Disoriented, I blinked at him a moment.  _Fandral?_  “Are you well enough for that?” Loki went on and I remembered.  _Fandral. Yes, I remember him_. _My best friend since childhood. Why did that take so long to process?_   He stared at my expression before he said. “State your name and where you are.”

            “Why?” I was propped up against the headboard.

            “ _Now_.” He ordered and I did so carefully before he nodded and moved to touch my forehead, his hands so cool against my skin. “I want you to do that frequently, not just for yourself but for other companions or memories. Anything.” The fever was messing with my mind, I felt slow. “The after-effects of the attack may be worse than we originally thought.” Loki spoke before he realized my expression.

            “Loki,” my eyes filled with tears and he shook his head quickly.

            “No, no, I did not intend for you to…” he brushed some hair from my face and hushed me before I sniffled. “Calm yourself, you may not be able to hold the food down that you just ate.”

            “ _Oh…_ ” I swallowed before my arms slid around my stomach. “Too late…” One hand covered my mouth as my throat felt tight when nausea swept over me.  _Not now_. Loki was pressing a large round container in my hands before I gagged and lowered my face, vomiting up the contents of my dinner. Tears forced themselves from my eyes. My body tensed up uncontrollably and I threw-up again, the vile taste in my mouth causing me to gag again while my throat burned.

            “I am here.” Loki was holding my hair out of the way as I finished up, crying softly. My anger flared. He pulled the bin away and when he offered me a goblet of water, I smacked it out of his hand and sent it to the floor.  _Why is this man toying with me? No… Loki. This is Loki. I love him and he loves me._  I felt disgusting and tired. So tired. My head pounded and Loki appeared unfazed, merely waving his hand to fix the mess and get me a new goblet.

            “I’m sorry,” I breathed, setting my face in my hands. I wanted to rip my hair out. Loki was being so patient and so gentle with me while he simply set a hand on my back. As his fingers skimmed the length of my spine, I caved and leaned toward him, allowing him to embrace me. Safe in Loki’s arms, I closed my eyes a moment when tears leaked from them again. “I’m so sorry.”  _I hate who I am right now. I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you_.  _I’m trying to hold onto you._

            “Hush,” he set his chin on my head and touched my hair idly. “I know. Do not apologize to me.” After a long moment, I sniffed and Loki moved to bring me water so I could wash out my mouth.

            “Thank you…” I spoke quietly, finally looking up at him with dark circles under my eyes.

            “Are you in pain?”

            “A little sore… Mostly tired.” I replied so he made me lie back. “I don’t…want to fall asleep, what if I-”

            “You don’t have to sleep yet, I’ll be back.”

            “I love you,” I felt compelled to say suddenly and he paused at the door.

            “I love you as well,” Loki left and I stared up at the ceiling, my mind going blank so I relaxed against the pillows. My head spun.  _I’m in….Asgard… The palace. Right? Yes. Of course. My home. I don’t have a home… No…no, I do. Ugh, my head, I shouldn’t be this confused. What the hell?_  The door opened and I lifted my head.

            “…I’ve missed you,” I spoke softly and Loki stopped, his gaze going to mine before he tried to smirk. “You haven’t been in to see me today.” His face fell immediately and he appeared confused.

            “I was only gone a few seconds,” Loki's gaze narrowed and before I could speak, someone appeared behind him.  _What room was this again? My…my home… Do I have one? No, that's not right._

            “Thought I would visit, Fandral is on the way with Sif. Moira left to research cures in another town. How are you?” The visitor said and I furrowed my brow when his name didn’t register.

            “Fine…” I paused, eyes sliding along his golden hair and sun-kissed skin. “Who are you?” Loki’s eyes went a little wide before he looked at the muscled man then to me.

            “Is she well?” The man glanced at Loki when he stepped toward me.

            “What is his name, do you remember?” He seemed agitated and I shrunk away a little.

            “…Are you mad at me?” I whispered in a small voice.

            “Do you remember him?” Loki insisted and I shook my head, searching my brain for memories but everything was so hazy and _what was his name again?_ “Thor. His name is Thor. What is your name and where are you?”

            “I’m… In Asgard… The healing room.” My eyes darted around and everything felt so far away from me. My body heated. “My name…”  _Everyone has a name, I should know mine._

            “Mother!” Loki was shouting. He stumbled backwards and left the room. _Don’t leave me._  Thor peered at me before he approached carefully and smiled a wide grin that was forced. He told me my name and I smiled at him in turn, my mind practically shredding and I was forgetting more things. Important things.  _They had to be important._  I blinked and suddenly my awareness for my surroundings fluttered away once more.

            “Thank you. …Where am I again?”

            “Asgard. Remember, you are in Asgard…” A wounded expression crossed Thor’s face when he glanced away from me.

            “Oh.”

            “I should have protected you,” he muttered before looking at me. “I cannot ensure the safety of the warriors put in my care when I go into battle. I’ve put ruin to Loki’s happiness. How will I ever ensure the safety of Asgard?” _I’m a warrior?_ I tried to remember as I stared down at my hands which must have held weapons but everything slipped away so quickly and less of it came back. My face felt hot and my eyes threatened to close but I tried so hard to focus on the man in front of me.

            “Maybe…I am just not a good warrior? Am I a good warrior?” My voice felt heavy as my breaths drew slower.

            “Yes,” Thor took my shoulder, “you are better than good… You’re…burning up…” He looked back at the door before standing to wet a rag with cold water.  _Thor? He looks too sad. He must know me. Why don’t I know him?_  “Loki better hurry.” With a special kind of tenderness that was rare for such a large warrior, Thor placed the rag on my forehead and touched my cheek with his knuckle. “Such a bad fever. We’re all waiting for you to get better,” he smiled at me again so my eyes slid elsewhere. “I’ve grand stories to share.”

            “Maybe, I’m not meant to get better.” I spoke distantly. “I don’t think…I can stay awake any longer,” my eyelids felt heavy and Thor shook his head.

            “No… Loki is on his way back and…and Sif and Fandral are coming to visit,” he jostled me and I licked my dry lips, fighting to keep my eyes open. I tried to remember a childhood memory and merely saw flashes dance before my eyes that didn’t form anything. I was fading away. So far away. Nothing made sense and all I wanted to do was sleep. “Drink,” Thor was lifting my head to press water to my lips, droplets slid from the corners of my mouth but I got some down. As he turned away, I went rigid when my head pounded and Thor knocked the cup to the floor. A stabbing pain shot through my entire brain and I squeezed my eyes shut so he grabbed my shoulders.

            “ _Hurts._  It…hurts,” I rasped out, grasping at the sheets. I sagged, my vision blurring.

            “Where is Loki?!” Thor shouted over the pounding in my brain. "I need healers in here!"

            “Loki?” Delirious, my eyes rolled back as Thor nodded.

            “He is on his way back, stay awake.” He urged.

            “I’m scared…” I wanted to kick the blankets off but couldn’t find the strength to as Thor wiped my brow with the cold rag. “Why…is everything so…far away?” My body shook and I closed my eyes finally.

            “No,” Thor insisted but I didn’t open my eyes, breathing softly to get a few more words out.

            “Maybe…Maybe, I’m safer…here.” I was swallowed whole.

              _Nowhere._

** ** **

            “Loki…it has been two weeks, darling,” Frigga settled a hand on his shoulder.

            “I…I simply do not want her to wake alone,” he replied, staring down at the paled body on the bed before he rambled on. “I do not understand, her fever broke a week ago… Why hasn’t she come back to me yet? I should have made her promise…she does not break those.” Loki rubbed his eyes quickly before he slammed his hands down against the armrests. “Damn it, there has to be a detail we missed!”

            “Hush,” the Queen soothed, sitting on the side of the bed to face him. “Loki, we do not know what exactly will come back. After her actions before she fell into this again… It not only affected her physically, but mentally as well. Her memories.”

            “How could we have missed this?” Loki looked up at his mother with a broken expression and she touched his face.

            “We’re scouring everything we have for answers, come away for a while with me. Eir and Elisif had pumped her full of medications. You need to eat and rest… You know that she would want you to care for yourself.”

            “Who will care for her?” Loki insisted. “I…I was not even there when she fell away…” He exhaled, his breath shuddered. “I was not even there when she was hurt. She lie there, clawing open her skin,  _alone_ , and believing she would die there. I let that happen!”

            “It is not your fault.”

            “No, you do not understand. I saw  _him_. Sorcerers always stand out in battle. Before he got to her… I did. That vile thing. I saw him through the trees as I raced toward the heart of the battle with more warriors. I could tell that he was soon to perish and I did not bother to finish him off. Had I killed him… She… He smiled this bloody smile at me from afar…like he knew what he would eventually do… I should have ripped him apart! She…She would…”

            “Loki, this is not your fault. She is here still and she will wake,” Frigga spoke gently. “We both know her strength, her will. Trust me when I say that it will improve. Have faith, my son.”

            “ _Faith_ ,” Loki murmured bitterly, averting his gaze. “Don’t you see, Mother? What faith I have left is lying right here.”

            “You  _know_  that she would not want you to believe that either,” Frigga spoke sternly and Loki snapped his gaze to her. “Come,” the queen was taking his hand and he resisted briefly before standing. Yielding, the prince allowed his mother to show him out after casting one last look to the unmoving body on the bed.

** ** **       

            “Volstagg’s children asked about you, he tried to make me watch over them alone,” Fandral went on to the sleeping woman as lights flickered above her. “Then they tried to cut my perfect golden locks, you would have loved it.” He tried to laugh. “Loki is either picking fights with everyone or shutting himself away. Sif is damn near unapproachable…though she’s won every single spar I’ve seen her in. Hogun…well, Hogun is always grim but I’m certain his mood now is due to this… I’ve never seen Hogun that pale…after they found you… He was just so pale. Volstagg takes little joy in meals and drinking now, I imagine he misses pushing new desserts on you. The only thing I can really say for Thor is that since you’ve been like this, Asgard’s has been experiencing severe thunderstorms… Sooner or later, they will inform your mother and we all know you do not want that… I’m not sure if this will stay a secret much longer.” Fandral swallowed the lump in his throat before he shrugged hopelessly. “I…I miss my lady.” The door opened and Loki came in, looking stoic with his hands clasped behind his back.

            “Fandral.”

            “Loki.” He greeted cordially. The prince paced toward the bed and moved his hand through the lights. They twisted and illuminated.

            “No change here,” his frown was apparent when he placed a hand on her head, brushing some limp hair aside with his finger. After a moment of silence, Loki glanced up and let out a sound of agitation. “They forgot the damn flowers  _again_.” He swiped his hand out and a vase of dead flowers went crashing into the wall.

            “ _Loki_ ,” Fandral seethed, not flinching as he stood. “Enough-”

            “She cannot wake to dead flowers!”

            “Enough!” Fandral put up his hands. “My friend, she should not wake to you shouting either,” he watched Loki simmer down at his words. “Let’s go find a replacement, yes? We’ll find her something better in the Queen’s garden.” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose, irritated. “It will take all of ten minutes.”

            “Fine,” Loki set his jaw and turned before Fandral followed him out, neither noticing the woman behind them twitch.

** ** **

            “If you tell anyone that we bloody  _picked_  flowers together, I’ll-”

            “Cast your worst spell on me, I imagine. As long as you leave my face be,” Fandral spoke with a shrug, glancing down at the sunflowers in the vase Loki was holding. “Took you forever to choose between those and the roses.”

            “She enjoys them both,” Loki responded quietly.

            “What sold you on the sunflowers this week?”

            “ _Nothing_.” Loki responded hardly. “I brought her roses last week.”

            “Hm.” Fandral glanced away to hide his smirk before Loki added quietly.

            “They follow the sun.” He paused, his gaze elsewhere as he remembered the familiar words. “She…appreciates that.”

            “Ah. I see.” Fandral nodded and opened the door before stopping abruptly, his mouth falling open.

            “ _What?_ ” Loki shoved past him and pushed the vase into the Fandral’s arms. “No…” The bed was empty, blankets strewn on the floor with the balcony doors opened. Loki raced outside and Fandral set the vase aside and rushed off to get help. The prince looked over the balcony.  _She could have easily gotten down from here_. He eyed the darkening grounds of Asgard and didn’t see her anywhere.  _No_. Loki inhaled sharply before calling out a single name laced in fear and desperation.

** ** **

            Rain beat on my skin, my bare feet splashing against the mud forming under the grass. The skies were dark and I cowered under a tree, the branches doing little to stop the raindrops. _Where am I?_  I shivered, the dress growing damp as I curled my arms to my chest. Across the way, a group of men and women hastily mounted unruly horses and rode off in different directions. Fearfully, I raced further into the trees, my dress whipping behind me while wet hair stuck to my shoulders. I skidded to a stop when I heard someone approaching, heavy footsteps sounding. Hiding within a crevice of a hollow tree, dirt caked itself along my dress and arms as I slid closer into the shadows, my breath quick as my heart pounded. _Where am I?_ My head spun and my legs still felt like jelly since I’d woken in that strange room. Thunder cracked and I screamed as a large shadow cast in front of me before tears pooled in my eyes and I hid my face in my arms.

            “They are looking for you,” a deep voice offered with a special kind of gentleness that reverberated.

            “Who?” I shook erratically and looked up.

            “Do you know you’re name, child?” The man asked, his golden armor catching the dim light. The ornate sword on his back caused me to inch away.  _Of course I knew my name! Everyone knows their… Did I?_  I searched frantically for the syllables and suddenly I was shaking my head.

            “What’s happening to me?” My expression broke with fresh tears. Rain chilled my skin.

            “Do you wish to learn your name?”

            “Yes…do you know me?” I leaned forward when the large man offered me his hand. “Have you seen me before?”

            “I see everything.” He replied. “Come with me, they’ll be glad to know you’re safe. We’ll get you taken care of.”

            “Who are you?”

            “Heimdall. I left my post to fetch you on order of our King and Queen. She knew you'd run. Not to worry, I can still see it all from here,” he pulled me up when I took his hand. “I imagine coming to me to ask where you were would have taken too long. You were headed closer toward a pack of dangerous beasts.” Heimdall set a large cloak around me as I allowed him to lead me back slowly. “I was under the Queen’s word to watch you.”

            “They found her!” A man on a horse called, racing off to spread the word. I drew closer to Heimdall while we walked along a row of massive pillars. He shooed people away from me as he led me into a throne room. A beautiful older woman raced forward and took me in her arms, the cloak falling away from my shoulders.

            “Thank Valhalla, you’re safe, dear. You should not have run off.” She urged. Heimdall was speaking to the man standing near the throne before he moved to leave.  _Do I know these people?_

            “Thank you, Heimdall,” the woman holding me nodded gratefully, her embrace was warm.

            “Yes, my Queen. Take care of this one.” He left before I could speak, taking his cloak. Confused, I looked up at the woman while she brushed my wet hair back.

            “Are…you my mother?” I watched her smile fade before she put her hand to her lips in realization, shaking her head.  _Oh…maybe I didn’t have one._

            “Frigga, Heimdall concluded that she remembers nothing,” the older man moved forward, a grave expression on his face. “Come here, my lady.” I didn’t move but Frigga ushered me forward, her voice tender.

            “It will be fine.”

            “What is my name, please…?” I pleaded softly and Frigga smiled before she gave me a name, one I tried so hard to remember but all that came up was empty syllables.

            “Allow Odin to monitor you,” Frigga spoke softly and I nodded. “Thor and Loki will likely be here soon, I should find them first and speak with them, my love. Loki will not take this well.”  _Why?_

            “Let me do this first.” Odin set his hands on my head. “You are safe, relax yourself.” Swallowing, I nodded and he seemed to be concentrating, muttering words under his breath before he nodded to Frigga and looked back at me. “You are in here, somewhere… Time will tell if we can pull you back out.”

            “Our options are too dangerous while she is in this state, Odin,” Frigga spoke up and I turned to her.

            “Yes, we have to give it time. Ensure that Loki is aware of that as we-” The door opening cut Odin off and I tilted my head when a man called the name that was given to me. His frantic eyes were an eerie bright green.

            “You scared me to death, how could you just run-?!”

            “Loki,” Frigga snapped sharply when I put my hands over my ears. _Why was he so upset with me?_  “We need to discuss this before you speak to her.”

            “I’ve waited by her side for weeks, how could you even…?” Loki trailed off when he looked at me again and drew closer. Instinctively, I stepped backwards and his brow furrowed when I lowered my gaze to the floor. “No…not this.” His voice was small, those haunting eyes staring holes into me. “Don’t you recognize me at all?”

            “I don’t know you…” I whispered and he shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

            “No…No, you do. You have to remember,” he paused before his voice rose. “Look at me!” My gaze snapped to his when both Frigga and Odin stepped forward but Loki was quicker, grabbing me by the arms. I jolted and struggled, leaning away from him as Frigga took him by the arm.

            “Loki, you are frightening her.”

            “She has to remember!” He cried, but Frigga tugged him away and Odin set a hand on my shoulder. “Father, we have to do something this instant!”

            “There may not be a just solution, Loki. We must tread carefully.” The King replied.

            “I don’t know you…” I murmured again, my eyes searching for something.  _Anything_. I felt like I was staring at a blank canvas. Or maybe I was staring at one that had been torn down and ripped to shreds. Loki’s eyes filled with tears as he stumbled backwards with Frigga pulling him along.  _He is crying. He’s crying for me…_ “Wait,” I found my voice and everyone seemed to pause. “Can…we speak alone for a moment?”

            “Dear, we should have you cleaned up first, your body and mind need rest,” Frigga replied and I nodded.

            “Just a moment…” I waited before Frigga whispered something to Loki and left with Odin. Loki stared at me, his slow steps forward were more careful now and this time I did not step back. “Why are you crying?”

            “I…I am not.”

            “Yes, you are. Why can't I remember?” I breathed and Loki appeared almost amused, his brow furrowing.

            “Someone I cherish is very much hurt.” His words made me pause as he drew closer. “Do you really remember nothing?”

            “Surely…I would remember being cherished by another.”

            “You will,” Loki towered over me and I froze.

            “What happened to me…?”

            “I can explain everything soon. My mother is correct, you need to be cleaned up.” He touched my tangled hair and I shifted a bit, unsure. “I give you my word that I will do all I can to make you well once more. You must remember.”

            “I just don’t,” I whispered. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to remember.”

            “ _You will_. I will do what it takes to ensure that,” Loki insisted once more as his eyes traced down my face before he leaned forward and kissed me abruptly. Shocked, my breath caught and my eyes went wide when he took my face and pressed closer. True love's kiss always worked in stories.

             _Smack!_

“What was that?!” I shrieked, stumbling backwards until I fell hard against the stairs.  _I was wrong._  Loki’s pale cheek was bright red and I realized I’d hit him harder than intended, fearfully scrambling away from this stranger. 

            “I…I was trying to-”

            “Get away from me!” I curled up at the side of the throne and he held his hands up.

            “I did not mean to-”

            “Help!”

            “Loki!” Frigga was rushing back in with another man behind her, heavily muscled with golden locks.

            “I…I thought it would assist!” Loki tried to explain himself.

            “Thor, help her back to the healing room,” Frigga pointed and the man called Thor approached after hesitating.

            “You’ve known me since we were children! We spent the past and present together and we planned to spend the future together as well. You are my future and I am yours! You must remember!” Loki called but Frigga didn’t let him pass as Thor helped me up, his bright blue eyes meeting mine. The yelling caused me to cower into Thor’s arms and Loki appeared devastated. He began to shout again but I covered my ears when my head hurt, not hearing him anymore before I muttered the familiar phrase again.

            “I don’t know you…”

** ** **

            “Are you well, dear?” Frigga approached the bathtub I was in, large bubbles covered my body while I maid gathered some bottles behind me. The Queen had explained the battle and the fever, neither of which I recalled. I nodded and watched her eye the maid behind me.

            “Is this my room?”

            “No, I am sure we will escort you to your private chambers in a few days or so if you prove well enough. Perhaps the familiarity will assist with your memories. But, we must have care, too much may overwhelm you. It's your head, I believe. The root of this.”

            “Do I have a family?” I watched Frigga falter before she smiled a little.

            “All in good time,” she paused, “your mind is fragile and we don’t want to bombard you with too much new information now. I’m afraid that you’re very ill now.” I nodded again, the warm water soothed me as I sat back. “May I see you in the hallway for a moment?” She looked to the maid, who nodded quietly before they left me alone as my gaze flickered to the dark, starry sky outside.  _I don’t suppose the stars can just come down and give me the answers._

** ** **

            “What do you think you are doing?” Frigga grabbed the maid by the ear before she shifted into Loki, the illusion dropping.

            “Assisting in any way I can,” he grunted when she released him.

            “If you push yourself on her, she will continue to push you away. She lashed out only because you terrified her.” Frigga cupped her son’s cheek to heal the red patch of skin.

            “I am not pushing myself on her…anymore,” Loki replied. “Mother, I will not lose her to this.”

            “But, you will lose her if you frighten her away. Tread lightly, Loki. You cannot force her to remember.”

            “I am taking more care. Allow me to do this. I will not say anything. I simply… I need to be with her, I do not care how.” He watched his mother exhale before she kissed his brow.

            “Go… I need to speak with the others and let them know. Loki, we will need to inform her mother.”

            “No, you know we cannot.” Loki shook his head. “She would not want that. Father does not even want her mother near her after what occurred long ago. Do you remember the type of people her parents were? She'll upset her. Fill her head with-”

            “Her father is dead and that woman is still her mother.”

            “Just wait a while longer, so we can figure this. Mother… _please_.” Loki insisted finally, his voice dropping and Frigga exhaled again, not liking it before she nodded.

            “Go, care for her. Remember what I said, tread lightly.”

            “Thank you, Mother.”

** ** **

            “Have you been out here long, my lady?” A man I remembered as Fandral approached me while I sat in the stands, watching the warriors spar down below.

            “Few hours, the nice maid that helped me a few nights ago led me outside finally. Said I could use the sun,” I paused, “and that I might enjoy the wind on my face.” Fandral beamed a little before gesturing.

            “May I sit with you?” He sat down when I nodded. “Are you well?”

            “They said they might show me to my room soon and answer more of my questions.” Everyone was being so careful with me, I wasn’t sure if I was comforted or unsettled by it. I could see the pain in their faces. The way they tried and failed to look for recognition in mine.

            “Still, you remember nothing?”

            “Nothing yet, I wish I could remember what you all want me to,” I played with a lock of hair idly, my gaze lowering from the handsome man. “What can you tell me?”

            “You are my dear friend and we all wish for your good health.” Fandral paused before I changed the subject. Everyone else had told me that.

            “Why does that warrior keep giving me these proud grins?” I tilted my head and Fandral glared at the person I meant.

            “That is Herlof, stay away from him. He is not your friend.” Fandral watched me glance aside and I forgot my next thought when I saw Loki across the way, talking to Thor. As if he knew, he turned his head and looked directly at me. Instantly, I gazed down again and back to Fandral.

            “Everyone has been too good to me.”

            “You sound like your old self a bit,” he paused. “It is not my intention, nor anyone else’s, to make you feel as if we are all…feigning our emotions.”

            “Then why are you?” I whispered. “You’re all hiding things from me. Things I need to know.”

            “We do not desire this either,” Fandral explained, “we’re sworn to…” As he spoke, an idea entered my brain. It was time for answers.

            “Were we  _lovers_?” I proclaimed loudly, standing.

            “Us? I… No!” Fandral stood with haste, looking at someone passed me before he shook his head quickly again. “My lady, I swear-”

            “Were we lovers?!” I asked again, louder to catch the attention of the warriors near us and Fandral looked panicked. “Everyone has been sneaking around me and-”

            “You most certainly were not!” Loki intruded below when Thor grabbed at his shoulder. “I cannot do this anymore, damn it, you and I were together!” Many warriors around him paused as I leaned over the railing. “I’ve kept a distance but-”

            “I figured as much,” I stated calmly, “you did try to kiss me within minutes of us meeting. I needed to be sure you weren’t just stalking me. The way you rushed right over probably tells me that there’s something more here.” The men around me realized the test and all gave exhales. “I feel insane.”

            “My lady, you must understand, the worry is that drowning you in facts about your life this early will overwhelm you as we get your health back to its peak.” Fandral stated gently and I nodded.

            “You’re all so afraid to hurt me but, I’ve been the one doing the hurting. I don’t like that you’re all forcing yourselves to treat me like I’m glass… Please, someone, anyone, tell me something brutally honest, please. I don’t care anymore.” There was a beat before Loki spoke, waving Thor off with a nod.

            “You are often somber, morbid, and full of rage. You have a hard time believing you are truly loved and an even harder time allowing yourself to love others. Your relationship with your parents was known to be rather awful but there was a time when that did not stop you from trying. Still, in many aspects of your life, you cannot give up and that keeps you going. Even in the face of oblivion.” Loki’s eyes found mine as I clutched the handrail tightly, my heart picked up. “And I love you and you love me. We both have for a long time.” My chest heaved as my mind frantically searched for answers. “Fandral, sit her down.” My hands went white and shook as he guided me back. Loki was in front of me in an instant while my head spun before I coughed, leaning over.

            “Is she alright?” A woman below called.

            “Let Sif and the others know that she will be fine,” Loki spoke and Fandral hesitated but I nodded at him.

            “I’m fine…” I heaved so Fandral moved to go before Loki touched my shoulder and I flinched away, causing him to snap back. The prince’s expression faltered before he steeled himself.

            “This is why-”

            “I don’t  _care_.” I breathed. “Thank you. Say something else.”

            “Perhaps later, walk with me. Preserve some of that strength so I can,” Loki moved and I reluctantly stood. “Let me show you something.” Nodding, I crossed my arms as he gestured before we left the stands together, descending down the stairs into the empty inside, away from the loud warriors. Loki paused and looked around for a minute before his brow furrowed. “Stand there.” He stated, pointing before I could speak and I shuffled slowly forward. Loki touched his mouth, debating something. “This was where it happened,” he'd confessed.

            “What happened?”

            “Where two frustrated souls managed to get it together long enough to share truths they locked away for a long time,” Loki smiled wistfully and turned away before I closed my eyes tightly and opened them.

            “They think I’m dying,” I whispered suddenly. “I hear them talking… I’ve heard a lot the past few days. Pretended not to.” Loki stopped, his head snapping back to me, green eyes blazing.

            “You will not.”

            “Everyone whispers and abruptly stops when I pass. I heard the King himself using quiet words like  _deteriorating_  and  _uncertain_.” My eyes watered as I shook my head. “Healers utter about my mind. They think if it keeps going. If I do not remember and heal. If my memories are not found and put in place. Then, the rest of my systems will follow. I can’t die not remembering…”

            “You will remember and you will not perish. Not today, or anytime soon,” he stepped closer. “Say it.”

            “I’m just hurting everyone while I’m like  _this_. I can barely bring myself to leave the healing room but they say the fresh air could help,” I stated instead.

            “Why is it you believe that? You are not harming-”

            “No. You see, I  _am_  just hurting everyone, they all tip-toe around me and I hate it because I can see that I am just causing them difficulty. They try to reach out and I can't...ugh, being touched. It does something. Something horrible happened. I can't remember it. But, I know it is there. But, they don’t know how to act around me and I’m trying to pretend like I’m fine so they don’t have to bother. No one seems to know how to act around me.” I paused. “And you, I see you looking at me while I stare back like I’ve never even seen you before!”

            “Shh,” he hushed me when I got riled up.

            “They won’t bring me to my room. They won’t let me see my mother. I’m dying a prisoner-”

            “You will not state that anymore,” he cut over me. “I cannot hear you say it. I…“ Loki swallowed quickly. "I will ensure that you remember, but you must trust in me.”

            “How can I trust someone I do not even know?” I whispered, connecting the dots before I added. “I do not even trust myself.”

            “What other option do you have?” Loki countered and slowly, I nodded. “I’ll take you to your room and do what I can now to start up your memories. We’ll figure this together.” He offered me his hand and I stared at the broad palm for a moment before I took it and allowed him to lead me off.

** ** **

            “Swans,” I admired a little tapestry that hung on the wall. “I like swans…”

            “You are also quite fond of cats,” Loki mused as I picked up a small bottle of perfume on the vanity. Smelling the scent, I abruptly set it down and backed off. _Amber_.  _Roses_. 

            “Are you alright?” Loki moved toward me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, exhaling heavily. “Did you remember something?”

            “No. No, I…” I tried to find the words, my fingers splaying out as I lifted my hands a bit. “I feel like…I am going to make a mess.”

            “How do you mean?” He inquired and I shook my head.

            “I don’t know. It’s just this sinking feeling I have.” I moved and skimmed my fingers over the books. “I feel so tired too but I’m also afraid to sleep. I look pale and sick…and I can’t keep all the food I eat down. I see the healers looking at me with such sad expressions and some of the warriors barely able to look at me at all for long periods of time. I wish they would look at me. My mother still doesn’t know anything and maybe that’s better but I also…I think I miss her in some strange way, even though I can’t remember her. I hope that makes sense…and…and I’m scared I’m going to just forget again I can’t forget… I can’t forget  _me_. I know somehow that I cannot handle such a loss. I can feel it.” Loki’s hand touched my shoulder blade and hesitated before he slid his arms around me, his chest pressing against my back.

            “Forgive me,” he murmured, shifting away but I grabbed at him.

            “ _Don’t stop_ ,” I rasped, the damn tears already falling. My fingers bunched up the fabric of his sleeves. Loki held me tightly, his head nudging lightly into mine as he half-buried his face into my hair. We clung to each other and the sob I’d been holding in tore itself from my throat. I clenched my teeth together so tight. My chest burned. I brought my hands up when I suddenly coughed, my heart pumping too quickly. My head spun and I glanced down at my palms to see spatters of crimson staining my skin. “Loki!” When I looked at him, I could see him force his gaze away before he got the chance to see my eyes.

            “You need the healing room,” he took my arm and everything happened to fast, I growled and pushed away roughly.

            “Don’t take me there,  _please_.” I grabbed at his clothing and he appeared taken aback when my blood smeared. “I can’t do it. I can’t listen to them talk about how much time I have left.” Loki looked away from me and to the door as he took my wrist.

            “You are getting worse, we-”

            “You said you would help me remember.” My expression broke with more tears. “You’re supposed to be tell me the truth. The awful truth. You’re supposed to treat me like a person and not some wounded animal that can’t understand what’s going on around it. I’ve seen you force grins and reach out to me without following through. Why not! Why! Just stay with me, tell me more. I need to remember.” I trembled and he still was not fully looking at me. “You’re all suffering because of me and maybe-”

            “We have to get you back,” Loki insisted, tugging me with him but I planted my feet.

            “Look at me!” I screamed, pushing at his chest and his gaze snapped to mine. “I either die here or there, but I need… I need you to stop forcing yourself to pretend around me. I need you to do what you promised. Please.  _I need you_.” I lowered my head, hands surging into my hair while everything spun.

            “I’m trying to assist you!” Loki took my wrist. “Let me. Let me help you.”

            “What’s happening to me?” I tugged at my hair as my head pounded and Loki carefully moved forward. “Nothing makes sense… You’re just lying to me.”

            “No, I am not. You must come with-”

            “No,” I felt so disgusted and somehow another emotion pushed itself to the front. Blind rage. Loki said my name gently and I wanted to scream as he reached for me but I swiped my hand and he was tossed backwards by an unseen force. I didn’t want gentle. I didn’t  _deserve_  gentle. Awed, I looked down at my hands and for the first time since I’d awoken, something made sense and I felt it. _Powerful._  “What is this? Were you all afraid I would just snap? Is that it? Is that why everyone acted so careful? Why…Why didn’t you tell me about _this_?” Loki pleaded my name again and grabbed my wrist before my hands sparked with light. “ _No_!” I shrilled, a shockwave sending him back through the doors as the windows shattered behind me. I felt the glass cut into my skin and relished the way it focused me. The way the outer pain made me feel alive.

            “This is not you,” Loki put his hands up. “I will tell you what you wish but you will come with me first.” His hand glowed then. "Do not force me to do this!”

            “It doesn’t matter anymore…” Wind blew through my clothing as glass cracked under my feet. I smiled bitterly as the tears fell, blinding me. “I don’t even know who I am. Maybe…Maybe I could be  _this_.” A blast of orange light was deflected by his shield before we were interrupted, my hands up defensively. Guards appeared behind Loki and he stopped them with his arms.

            “Back away from her!” He ordered.

            “Your highness, we’re under the King's orders,” they stepped closer and I growled, threatened. “Should she prove unstable, we were instructed to act.”

            “ _Unstable_?” Loki spat the word, seething.  _Unstable. Perhaps._  “Stop! She-” he was cut off when a guard charged toward me and I put my arms up, purple lights shocking him this time and sending him in the wall. I wanted them far away from me. “Stay with me!” Loki got closer and I paused, my expression softening. “Look at me…”

            “I can’t do this…” I whimpered, my face contorting with sadness.  _Unstable._ The metallic taste in my mouth went bitter. “I hate…” I felt myself growing farther away from him while my anger sparked. “I just  _hate_  it so much. I hate this.” Rage swirled within me like a storm. My head pounded and I screamed, the doors breaking off their hinges as everyone was tossed back. _Were we lovers? Were we unstable?_ The memories were gone. The love was gone. But, the pain was right here with me like an old friend. Something whispered in my ear and told me to run with it. Told me to bleed.

            “No. Stay here with me,” Loki held out an arm, his stance defensive when the guards circled me. “ _Sweetheart_ ,” the prince lowered his tone and my world quieted for a flicker of a moment, “I will find you.” My chest concaved with my next desperate exhale.

            “ _Swear it_ ,” my voice scratched and he nodded instantly.

            “I swear it.” Loki’s gaze flickered behind me before his expression changed. “No!” But, something hard connected with the back of my skull and the world around me instantly fell away.

** ** **

            “It is about time,” a kindly voice broke through my haze. I cracked open my eyes.

            “Mom…?” I realized the Queen was in front of me before I remembered I didn’t know what my mother even looked like or if she would smile upon seeing my face. “Oh. Sorry.” I turned my head away and Frigga exhaled.

            “You’re safe now, dear.”  _From what?_ I thought bitterly. More and more, I could feel myself becoming my own prison. I felt toxic.

            “What happened?” I croaked, my body too tired to get up.

            “It should not have happened this way,” she spoke instead. “I’m afraid they wish for you to be confined here.”

            “Where is Loki?”  _I hurt him. Why did I do that? Why was I so, so angry? Please. Come back._

            “They do not want anyone other than the necessary to see you. But, I will see what I can do about that. Do you remember anything?”

            “I’m not going to get better, am I?” I admitted instead. My fingertips were cold and the digits quivered.

            “You must not think that way,” Frigga spoke as I looked at the roses set atop the bedside table. “Those are from Loki, he’s been trying to sneak in all morning. I had to send him out before they discovered him.”

            “I don’t want to make any more trouble,” I whispered. "I don't know...what's overcoming me. It feels like me. Only not. And the tragedy is I don't remember myself to know. Something...escaped. Something terrible."

            "Why do you think that?"

            "I want to remember everything but, I fear I'm not supposed to. Like, I...repressed something. It wants out." I searched her eyes for the truth and did not see it. "I dreamed of a great weight on my chest and a hand on my thigh. I couldn't breathe. There was a blinding light. It burnt my skin." Eyes shifted to the roses. "Did I love your son?" I changed the subject.

            “Those roses are tea roses, to be exact,” Frigga went on instead. “Can you guess what they stand for?” When I shook my head, flickering my gaze to her, she smiled. “Remembrance. They stand as a symbol for remembrance.” She brushed the hair out of my face. “I’ll be back soon.”

            “Can you tell him thank you…and…I’m so sorry.”

            “I will,” she nodded. “Rest for now.”

** ** **

            “Loki, you’ve been in here for hours on end each day, have you eaten anything?” Frigga touched his shoulder.

            “Your healer, Moira has not returned but this was sent to my room. This book. She is awake, now I can attempt this,” Loki shifted through pages with care. “Look, here, this could solve the problems in her head, make her healthy again.” Frigga scanned the page before she shook her head.

            “Moira should not have sent this. It is too dangerous. Not even Odin would not chance it with her health.”

            “I’m not letting her go like this,” Loki persisted. “I have searched endlessly and this could be our only chance.”

            “I do not believe that this will-”

             “Then, believe in  _me_ ,” he countered, his brow furrowing.

            “Loki, I have so much faith in you. But, think about this,” Frigga touched his face. “I want her back just as much as you, but-”

            “I am. We all know she is getting worse,” he pulled himself together. “Unstable. They called her unstable. If I cannot retrieve her memories, the rest will decay. I have to do this. You know I can do this, Mother. You know it.” The prince paused. “I’ve everything I need, I just need to prepare it in my room and then get her there.”

            “Who is to say that she will agree?”

            “She will.”

            “Loki-”

            “I won’t force her but, she will agree. I swore to her.” Loki watched his mother move closer, her tone lowering as she held up a finger. 

            “No.” She spoke strictly. “I cannot allow this. I cannot allow you to see her now under order of the king, your father… _and_  I cannot even tell you that in ten minutes I will relieve the guards at her door and the next will arrive five minutes late.” Frigga quirked up her eyebrow before she turned and a smirk crawled across Loki’s face.

            “Never was there a better mother than you.”

            “I know,” Frigga turned, her smile sly, “and don’t you forget that. Be safe. Cast the spell and I shall take care of the rest.”

** ** **

            My door opened without warning so I left the bathroom, freshly bathed and dressed against the healer’s wishes for me to stay in bed. A guard shut the door and stared at me stoically while I smoothed out the fabric of the rustic rose colored dress draped over my body.

            “Yes?” I asked meekly and light swept over his body before I realized it. “Loki?” He peered at me, now in his usual form before he spoke while I backed away.

            “We don’t have much time, you need to come with me.”

            “Why?” I stood against a bookcase, holding to the wood to brace myself as my body felt tired. “I can’t go anywhere… It’s better for everyone if I stay here.”

            “You must.”

            “You saw what I did.”

            “We both know you are not yourself. Perhaps this is something getting out. But, I know how we can get you back to your usual self. I can get your memories back and you will finally be able to rejuvenate. But, you must trust me and come out of here with me so I can explain. I’ve almost everything prepared in my chambers.”

            “What if they notice I’m gone?” I watched Loki flick his wrist before light moved over the bed and it appeared that I was simply asleep in it.

            “That illusion will hold until they cannot possibly stop us,” Loki didn’t shift toward me but his eyes begged. “We must try.” Debating it a moment, I exhaled and nodded before his face brightened a bit. “Can you walk?”

            “Yes,” I nodded again and shifted away from the bookcase but he shook his head.

            “Can you walk well?” He watched me lower my gaze, not wanting to admit how weak I felt. “Come, I’ll carry you and conceal us with an illusion. We need to make haste.” Loki came toward me when I quickly nodded once more as I curled my arms to my chest. Effortlessly, he picked me up in his arms, one slipping around my backside as his fingers pressed into my ribs while his other arm moved under my knees. “Stay alert.” We left the room after he put up an illusion. My heart was pumping so quickly, I was sure he could hear it. Slowly, I slid my arm around his shoulders, gripping at the fabric of his clothing to keep myself from slipping. He walked carefully down the hallway. Every time someone passed, I couldn’t help but close my eyes tightly, despite them not seeming to notice us.

            “What are we doing?” I asked softly, eyes flickering over Loki when he put me down on the edge of his bed. Soft red orbs of light whirled around a potion on the table he moved to.

            “In theory, I am simply going to find my way through your head and bring you back out.”

            “…You’re going to prod around my mind?”

            “…In theory.”

            “How?”

            “I just need you to do your part and I will…in a matter of speaking…search through your memories until I can get deeper into your head.”

            “Would the real me trust you to do this?”

            “You would try.” He pressed his lips together. “It is the only possible solution after days of searching. Furthermore, my supply of magic and force will feed into you so you can heal.”

            “What if I am just  _unstable_?”

            “Seems that I will be putting my trust into you as well. Once we do this, there is a chance one or both of us will not awaken.”

            “You’re sure we should try? You could lose yourself too.”

            “If I lost you, I would lose my mind. Virtually, there is no difference.” Loki waved his hand over the potion idly. “I’m going to do what it instructs me to do and I need you to simply follow. It will put us both to sleep and I should be into your mind by that time.” I took a deep breath and looked at him before I nodded. “We both need to give our blood.”

            “What?” I looked down at the dagger now in Loki’s hand before he nodded.

            “Just a few drops.” Reluctantly, he held out the hilt and I reached out but yanked back when I touched the cold handle.

            “I can’t. I don’t know. I…just think I shouldn’t.” Demurely, I met his gaze to see him staring directly back at me before he spoke.

            “Do well to remember that.” Loki turned back to the potion and I didn’t ask what he meant before he reached for my hand when I offered it. Closing my eyes when the blade broke my skin, I felt him instantly press some gauze into my palm after. “Hold that but don’t wrap your hand, I’ll need it again.”

            “Okay,” I watched him slice open his palm effortlessly, like he’d done it hundreds of times before letting a few drops fall into the potion from the point of the blade.

            “One more thing,” he picked up a pestle and mortar and set the pestle aside, “this will sting. Give me your hand again.” With his unwounded hand, the prince flicked some grey residue on my bleeding hand. Gritting my teeth when it stung sharply, I squeezed my hand closed as blood seeped lightly through my fingers. Loki was pouring the burgundy colored potion into two goblets before he exhaled and nodded. “Drink this and lie back against the bed, it will make you drowsy.”

            “Loki…whatever happens, I just want you to…”

            “I know.” Loki met my gaze and put the potion into my unwounded hand as I turned, sitting on the bed to drink. He was putting that same grey residue on his hand, hissing lightly when I reclined. The effects were almost instant and the room spun a little. I fell fully back against the pillows. Loki was drinking and I saw him stumble until he was crawling on the bed with one hand. “Give…me your hand…” He slurred lightly, hovering over me and his left hand curled around mine, both of our palms sticky with blood that mixed along with the grey substance. I gasped lightly when the cut stung. Loki took my chin lightly with his other hand. “One…last…thing…”

            “I’m scared…” I whimpered softly as he leaned over me.

            “As am I,” Loki swallowed, “close your eyes.” I did so and felt myself begin to fade. He parted my lips, thumb tracing a circle into my jaw. At first, I just felt him breathe into my mouth before a cold sensation filled my lungs and spread. Opening my eyes, I realized his lips were parted above mine as he literally breathed himself into me, pure white wisps of glowing magic leaving his lips to enter mine. I grasped at the blankets, my other hand tightly holding to his when he held mine back. Closing my eyes again, I felt the pull of sleep. Loki fell to my side on his stomach, our fingers still tightly intertwined.  _Come find me._

** ** **

          _We're here. Nowhere_.

          Loki looked down at his hands, the cut gone and he knew it worked. He called a name that didn’t echo, his surroundings nothing but fog before he moved forward. A house materialized and the prince heard a child’s laughter. The lone house was surrounded by a white picket fence, the grass green growing behind it. Loki wanted to smile when he saw her, the little girl with curls sitting by a tree. He spoke her name, standing over the fence but she didn’t lift her head from the little warrior doll grasped in her hand.

            “Can you hear me?” He received no reply, her curls bounced as she looked up at the tree when wind blew through it. The neighborhood took shape slowly. “I suppose I should start here.” The little girl looked up suddenly, her eyes widening with fear when she looked around. Large brown eyes looked into Loki’s and he knew she could see him.

            “He’s here.” Her eyes sparkled with tears. Loki saw no one around them. The tree behind her began to decay, shriveling up when the leaves turned dark brown and fell.

            “Who?” Loki quickly moved passed the fence before she opened her mouth to scream. “Wait!” He put his hand out but smoke engulfed her and she disappeared within an instant, the scream dissipating. Loki stared at the dead tree. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered before a yell sounded within the house, the inside of it lighting up.

            “It was an accident!” A little girl cried. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Loki was racing inside, recognizing the inside of the house as her old residence. He saw her, a little older but still a child and cornered against the wall. Her father stood over her, looking physically healthy and completely terrifying. Her mother was seated out of their sight with her head in one hand, staring down at the table. It was then that Loki saw the belt in her father’s hand.

             _No belts_ , she’d said to Loki once, _anything else but that_.

            “Go to your room!” Her father screamed down at her face and she didn’t move.  _She can’t_ , Loki realized, his eyes taking in the sight of her form, paralyzed with fear, against the wall. “Little shit,” the man reached down and grabbed at her leg before he yanked and Loki jolted when her body fell against the floor on her back.

            “Enough!” Loki roared and surged forward before he realized he’d just gone through them like a spirit. Her father didn’t relent, dragging her across the floor on her back, the harsh carpet burning her skin when the shirt rode up.

            “Please! Daddy, no!” She was screaming and sobbing. Loki almost covered his ears. He needed to go through this, he needed to go through this with her and find a way to free her mind. Down the hallway, Loki heard a belt snap and another loud, fearful plea before another snap followed. Turning to her mother, Loki was filled with rage.

            “Help her!” He screamed but her mother didn’t register. “Why are you just sitting here?! Do you not care?! Do you not care about her?!” The prince yelled and overturned the table, sending everything crashing over before he turned back and realized everything was suddenly in place. More rage filled him and Loki screamed again before every sound around him cut off and the scene changed again. Breathing heavily, he cautiously walked down the hallway and heard quite sniffles.

            “Almost done,” her mother’s voice stated softly as she dabbed the swollen welts on her daughter’s skin. She was sitting on her bottom, looking uncomfortable in the position and Loki realized why. The welts left a trail down her back and lower.

            “Mommy,” she piped up in a tiny voice, “I want to go home…”

            “We are home, sweetie…” The mother replied after faltering. Loki watched the little girl’s face, realizing that somehow she knew something the adults in the room didn’t. Something a little girl couldn’t and shouldn’t possibly know. Loki watched the exchange, the frightened mother and daughter both embracing after like nothing had happened.

            “Mommy? Was I bleeding?” The little girl asked in a voice that Loki would give anything to forget. The mother faltered again and Loki saw this heartbroken look on her face.  The kind of heartbreak only a mother could have when she knew she’d failed her daughter. The kind of heartbreak that could not be taken back. But, she shook her head and lied.

            “No.”

            The scene changed once more before Loki could move and it looked to be during the night. Loki didn’t know how much time had passed but she was still so young and lying in bed, fast asleep. He prayed for peace inwardly but the door opened and Loki’s blood ran cold. His stomach twisted and nausea welled up his throat. Her father wandered in, staring at the girl before he sat on the bed with his back to her and everything clicked in Loki’s head.  _No_ , his own mind begged,  _not this_. The scene appeared to freeze almost, the father going still as the little girl sat up and bed and stared at something behind Loki. When the prince turned, he was met with a replica of her, wearing a dark grey nightgown unlike the first little girl’s pale one. The grey one stared back and Loki thought for a moment that she could see him before she walked forward and approached the bed.

            “Are you afraid?” Grey asked, her head tilting in a calculated fashion. “I’m afraid too. Fathers are supposed to love their daughters.”

            “I’ll be good,” White promised tearfully, “I’m trying so hard to be good. You don’t…look afraid.”

            “That is because I hide it.”

            “Why?”

            “When you go unnoticed, they will automatically believe you are good if you can simply smile for them. They like it when I smile for them.”

            “But, you’re lying,” the girl on the bed stated.

            “They believe it. Even if they don’t, they either won’t care or they’ll try harder to believe it. The trick is that they’ll  _want_  to believe it, so they will.”

            “I’m so scared,” White whimpered and Grey hushed her, taking her face.

            “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

            “I don’t want to do this.”

            “You’re growing weaker by the day,” Grey replied softly, “if I keep-”

            “I’m not strong, I’m not powerful, like you.”

            “You know that it isn’t real. I’m not real.”

            “I want you to be!” White protesting childishly. “I can make you real, I can make you so real.”

            “At what cost? I’m here to ensure you survive in the only way we know how now.” Grey spoke. “A mask. It isn’t real. I give them what they want because I know how but, all of this is hurting you. It’s just doing it slower. I don’t want you to need me.”

            “I think we’re going to hurt no matter what…” White was pleading. “I need you.” Grey’s brow furrowed. “I need to be you.”

            “If you are me, you won’t be anything.”

            “I  _need_  you.”

            “Get out of the bed.” When they switched places, Loki realized it. The mask. The one she always put up. She'd created it to survive. The one that smiled and laughed through the worst of pain. The one that faked and concealed emotions. This was her. She had been conditioned to be this way since youth. Pretend it doesn't bother you. Trauma split her soul apart. Grey was in the bed and White hugged her tightly like her life depended on it. The complexity Loki had already found within her mind was astounding. He didn't know. He couldn't have known. “We just have to lie back and close our eyes…” She spoke distantly, before getting White to back up toward the wall. The little girl in the white nightgown curled up, setting her hands over her ears and for the first time, Loki saw Grey’s expression break with fear before it was gone in a second. White believed in her, likewise, so she was as real as any pain or rage. She reclined on her side and closed her eyes before the father gained the ability to move again, his hand reaching back to rest next to her.  _Her mother didn’t know. I didn’t know… No one knew… Did Heimdall?_ Loki quickly turned to White, sitting on the floor in a ball and rocking herself.  _Innocence lost. What took its place?_

            Loki went through many scenes and Grey was always there. Either taking White’s place or staring from the side, her expression like a porcelain doll. Loki knew it well on his friend even now. But, White. He didn't know this person. Grey took over more and more and White became sickly looking and more needy. Loki could see Grey cracking as both of them got worn down.  _So young still_ , he thought, wondering how many smiles she faked around him.  _She was happy around me_ , Loki tried to assure himself. Happy around Fandral, Sif, and the others. He saw them play in one scene and he saw her trying to stay out until the last possible minute before she had to go back into that house she feared.  _Why did I never question that enough? Why did I not do enough?_ He saw smiles and tears. He saw her pine after her mother and try to impress her father. And he saw the first time she’d opened her skin. Then he saw the next. He saw everything for the first time. Saw the emotions underneath. Saw the pain that flooded every fiber of her being. Saw what she faked and felt.  _I will go through this with her._

            “Why are you doing this?” White asked finally, her little body so pale. Grey had been in control for a long time and Loki realized he couldn’t remember White ever being in full control since the incident in the bedroom. If the Grey child was fake before, she wasn't now. This illusion was too important to them both. The prince felt like he’d been here for hours, when in reality, it must have been minutes in his world. Grey was sitting against the bed, her arm already bleeding lightly; both of them looked so hollowed out and Loki reminded himself that he had to keep passing memories to get deeper into her mind.

            “Do you feel that?” Grey’s head tilted back, a heavy exhale leaving her lips. “So quiet. Everything is so quiet. I…I like it.”

            “Don’t you love me anymore?”

            “I do love you… I love you so much. Every single thing I did was for you. But this…we can feel alive again.”

            “You need to-”

            “Don’t tell me what I  _need_  to do,” Grey growled. “You’ve made me do  _everything_.” She sounded bitter before it abruptly faded. “And I can…because you created me to. I am the punchline to this hell of a joke. Neither of us will be telling it any time soon.”

            “I’m scared.”

            “You’re always scared.”

            “Are you still always scared?”

            “No…I am perfect. I can be anything for anyone. They love me like that.  _Look at me._ ” Grey smiled a wide, frightening smile and looked down at her arms before speaking again. “Still, they only want me when they  _need_  me. When it suits them to use me. Just like you… You’re just like them… Using me and recycling me and using me again.” Her fists shook as the mood shifted before she changed the subject suddenly. “Oh… They don’t match.” Loki felt sick when beads off blood broken through fresh cuts.

            “Don’t you care anymore?!” White sprang to her feet and Loki watched her yell the familiar words. “Don’t you care about me? Why are you just sitting there?!”

            “Care? That was your job…” Grey muttered darkly. “But, you failed. I feel…nothing. Nothing.” White was still yelling as Grey stood, a tiny blade in her hand. “You failed!” She shook the blade like a child would angrily shake a doll. “No…I...I hate you! I hate you! Look what you've made me do! You think I wanted this for us? You think I wanted to feel?”

            “Please?!”

            “No! You’re weak!” Grey sprang forward and Loki watched them fight before he caught sight of the light hitting the blade just before it sank into White’s stomach.

            “No!” Loki moved forward but realized he could do nothing. Grey was screaming and the blade kept reappearing and disappearing, crimson stains hitting the floor before they abruptly disappeared. White reached up with the last of her strength and touched Grey’s face so tenderly, the blade fell from her grasp as she gasped out in awe.

            “No, I…” Grey was shaking, her hands hovering but the light was fading from White’s eyes. She killed the innocence she was created to protect. She killed the core heart of her soul. “I didn’t mean to… No, it was supposed to be this way. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. Don’t go.” Grey was cradling the smaller body in her arms, sobbing as she pet White’s hair and kissed her head and Loki knew she was gone. “No! I can fix this. Come back. You’re good, you’re so good and I’m not… Please? I need you! You were supposed to live. It was you, not me. You… Hate you! I hate you! Weak! I hate you. You were supposed to go on without me, I can’t live without you… I love you. Why did you let me win?” She whimpered brokenly before shaking her head. “Why did I let you lose? I failed… I’m sorry.”

            Loki said her name but she didn’t respond, standing instead to pick up White in her arms, cradling her like a child.  _She was a child. Just a child. Trying to hold onto virtues that just couldn’t thrive any longer. Innocence lost. This is what took its place._ Grey stumbled out of the room and down the hallway before she approached her mother, standing in the kitchen.

            “Mommy…” She whimpered. “Look what I did.” Her mother merely looked at her and smiled, not taking any notice of the body in her daughter’s arms. Or the blood. So much blood. “I killed her…” The oblivious woman passed her daughter and went into another room.

            “Run along outside, sweetie, your father will be home soon.” Grey watched her go and sniffled before she stood a little taller and moved to leave the house. Her life. Her innocence was taken and not one being cared. No one but her. A child died to become a woman too young and no one  _cared_. Loki followed her into the fog as she still muttered things.

            “I won’t let him get to you. I won’t.” Grey went on. “I’ll take you somewhere beautiful one day. I...I promise.” A dilapidated house surrounded by a short, pristine iron fence came into view. Grey stared up at it for a long time before marching past the gates and they smacked shut behind her. Loki watched the little girl turn back and look at him with the bloodied body in her arms, their eyes locking before she turned around and went into the old two-story house. Her eyes haunted him somehow. The door shut and Loki knew this was the turning point in her life.

            Loki watched the house as it changed, looking much worse before it got better. Time sped up and she rarely came out before Loki saw her approach the flowers to water them for the first time. Alone now, she changed as the house did, growing into a young woman as scenes passed in flickers and the plants grew more vibrate around the property.

             People materialized out of the fog to approach the fence, many people he recognized from their lives. Sometimes, they would be themselves and others, they would be twisted monsters. But, she didn’t always fear them. Loki saw himself even on occasion as he watched curiously from behind the fence, not allowed in. Some threw stones at the house while others merely came to look or wave at her, only sometimes would she be well enough to wave back. On rare occasions, she approached the people, but they never came past the fence. Those exchanges sometimes ended badly but, Loki’s favorite was when she smiled. The flowers and the fruit on the trees always bloomed a little bit more. Once Fandral appeared and gave her a flower and she gave him a piece of fruit in return. This happened with many others, including him. Shadows would appear too and whisper or shout awful things, sending Grey flying back into the house for long periods of time. She never left the fence.

            It would often get worse again, screams could be heard in the house and the windows would bleed as the flowers wilted. Grey would spend time scrubbing the blood from the windows, not approaching the people for a while as no one but her seemed to notice it. But, Loki always saw the flowers begin to bloom once more. The prince would see himself as a young man, once he brought a flower and another time, he tossed a stone. The thought haunted him and he tore his mind apart searching for what he did.  _I probably tossed many stones_. As the time passed, something more happened.

            “I care,” she would assure herself aloud. “I do. I can…I can be strong. They believe I am. I can believe in something too.” As Grey sat in the garden, the ground next to her shifted. “What?” Intrigued, she dug her hands into the soil and a fleshy hand grabbed at her wrist from beneath the dirt.

            Instead of fear, Grey bravely dug the creature out and gasped in wonder as he stood. More of the creatures appeared of different appearances and she dug each one out of the earth. Loki tried to make sense of it. They were all twisted and frightening to the eye, fleshy, sickly skin tightly wrapping the muscles and veins beneath it. Some were muscled and animalistic while others were thin and elongated, all had humanistic qualities as they wandered about on two legs. Loki saw one with a metal plate embedded in his chest, protecting his heart and wounds along his body. Another was wolf-like in the face with a wide muscle frame. A womanly creature was pixie-like in her thin body with carved symbols on her exposed skin stood next to one with a saber for a hand and bright blue eyes. A woman with wings made of crystals. Another was short with one arm created out of metal wires that twisted together and sunk in the skin where it connected to the shoulder. A tall one with a pointed face and black eyes passed by next. There were more and with all the wounds and disfigurements, none seemed to be in pain. Time passed and some would stay in the house and sometimes they would wander the garden, never leaving the fence. Grey appeared to love each one and Loki was trying so hard to put the pieces together as the harsh creatures remained peaceful. _More masks? No. Something else._  It was when a shadowed figure appeared, that many outside appeared hostile; swiping at the beast until it disappeared. Every time a shadow appeared or a person came to toss stones, the creatures would fight or chase them off.

            “Guardians,” Loki realized finally, “your mind is protecting itself again.” One of the creatures stood tall in front of him, towering like he was looking directly at the prince. Loki took in this one’s lean, elongated body. His high cheekbones that protruded out and his black hair. It was the bright green eyes that struck him. Wisps of black smoke circled his body as he moved and Loki realized, as he met the brooding stare, that this one looked somehow like him.  “I pray you are her favorite.” Pride swelled within him as he watched the beast approach her and sit down in the grass next to her, his spine protruding as he leaned forward a bit and she looked over at him. The creature reached up and touched her hair with long, spidery fingers before she smiled genuinely at him and said something Loki didn’t catch. She looked happy as the sorcerer watched the calm moment. “ _You need him_ ,” Loki spoke against the fog, his hands clutching at the fence, “ _I could be him_.” He felt the air shift as the scene faded into the fog and changed once more.

            The woman he loved was alone now, standing by her largest tree with one hand grasping at the branch above her and the other resting against the tree as she looked out past the fence. “They aren’t always here to protect you,” a shadow appeared behind the fence and took shape, hidden beneath a lush, ragged cloak. Thorny vines twisted around her body, clenching tight.

            “I try not to run them back into the ground protecting me,” Grey replied. “I don’t want them near you either. You are mine to deal with.”

            “I thought I was your favorite,” the dark voice chuckled, rasping and Grey merely stared ahead, her lip twitching up. Dark wisps of smoke danced around her feet as black ones danced around the cloaked figure. Sometimes Grey would float like a shade as she moved, her hair dancing around her face. Loki turned and saw himself, sitting alone under a large tree that appeared, the sun shining down on him. “He doesn’t love you as much as you love him. You know that.”

            “I know,” Grey replied.  _No, you don’t_ , Loki thought as he watched them speak so casually.

            “He is not good,” the shadow grunted. “But, he isn’t a monster like you.”

            “I think he could find me,” the grey woman spoke distantly, "but, I have to meet him half-way and I'm not ready yet."

            “Are you hoping? You shouldn’t do that. Only idiots do that. Hope is going to kill you and I’ll be there to watch you drown. Why, after everything, do you still draw on hope?” Loki was interested in this answer as well.

            “In some strange and perfect way, I think that hope I still have for myself is why I am here right now. I think it’s why I get up in the morning with the ability to still leave my bed.”

            “Don’t hope for anything. You’ll see. If the past did not teach you, the future will.”

            “If you know me, telling me not to hope is like telling me to kill myself. Is that what you want?”

            “It is what  _we_  both want.” Loki could hear the smile in the vile shadow’s voice.

            “Perhaps. But, until I fully believe that, until I give up what shred of hope I have left among this pain, you’ll just have to wait with me.” Grey looked at the black figure finally.

            “You killed the hope. That little light. Do you remember? She was the only part of you that could have been free of this suffering.”

            “I know. She just...blinded me. Maybe light isn't any better or worse than darkness. I wish I understood that earlier. I’ll just have to go on and be something more.”

            “Look at you, saying what you feel for the first time in decades. You can’t feel. You don’t care and you most certainly don’t love.”

            “Then why is he still here? Why do the others still come and give me flowers?” Grey gestured to the scene behind Loki. His duplicate was still reading quietly. “No matter what happens, I can still feel…I can still feel him. Maybe one day, I’ll touch the earth and he will just love me right back.”

            “He will just cause you pain.”

            “As I understand it, love can do that. But…all of it will be so  _real_.” Grey looked hopeful. “I…I want it.”

            “Remember what happened? The many times you trusted yourself to another and they disappointed you. Your mother does not even see you.”

            “I love my mother.” Grey responded quickly. “After everything.”

            “She helped kill your light. You resent her and you look for her in everyone. The Queen for one.”

            “Well, at least mother and I did something together. I smothered you and perhaps, she didn't care. But, she'll see. When it's too late for both of us.”

            “She is not even aware, stupid girl.”

            “She will be.”

            “There is that hope again.” The fog thickened as Grey looked around, shifting away and Loki watched himself disappear. “What have I told you about putting your head in the clouds?” The guttural voice grew darker and Grey screamed when the dark figure grabbed at her hair and tugged hard, almost pulling her over the fence. “You belong right here. With me.”

            “No! Let me go!” Scratching, the hood fell away and Loki’s mouth dropped in awe. Bloodied and decaying, White stood with a sneer before she tossed Grey back against the tree. She was just a child still. Stuck in time.

            “I was good and you killed me…” Her voice grew soft and sweet once more. “You forgot me.” _Guilt_ , Loki realized. This was how her guilt manifested. For everything she had done. Death and sickness lashed out.

            “You aren’t her! Go away!” Grey put her hand out and the shadow abruptly disappeared when a voice broke through the chaos.

            “Why are you crying?” Loki watched the replica of himself lean over the fence.

            “I’m not crying,” Grey protested and the copy of the prince smirked.

            “Do you really expect me to believe that,  _sweetheart_?”

            “Don’t call me sweetheart, you know I hate it, Loki.” Grey groaned and flowers blossomed behind her, betraying her words.

            “Either way,” the copy reached out and the real Loki smirked as the flowers grew more vibrant behind her, neither person in front of him noticing. Grey took his hand and stood, both watching each other with the fence between them. “Are you going to let me in now?”

            “Why do you want to come in?”

            “Only if you allow it.”

            “If you do, you could hurt the flowers I worked so hard to grow.” Grey replied evenly.

            “I will have care and step around them.”

            “Just don’t ignore them, not even the dead ones.”

            “You know that I will not,” the replica replied and Grey smiled lightly, boldly reaching up to touch his face before she whispered.

            “ _Can I keep you_?”

            “You must know that I have been yours for all of this time.”

            “I have something for you in return.”

            “You are not required to-”

            “No, I want to give you this,” the grey woman drew closer.

            “What is it?” The clone inquired.

            “Me.” Grey’s eyes looked back and met the real Loki’s glance as he gazed on at the scene. “She’s waiting for you…” The moment dissipated and Loki watched the gates swing open. The woman eyed him and began to fade. "Loki. She knows. Deep down. But, she isn't ready to face him. Stepfather. Do not tell her." She was gone and Loki's chest seized. The grounds around the house going barren from lack of care and he knew this was it. Eagerly, he went inside and noticed guardians curled up in dusty corners of the house. Many looked up at him but none moved to stop him, a few even shrank away. Their frightening demeanors disappearing behind pure vulnerability.

            “Where is she?” He spoke and the one that looked much like him pointed to the staircase. Loki climbed the long, spiral stairs as they creaked under his feet and went down a long hallway toward the only door at the end of it. The prince called out her name and heard a scratching sound before he yanked the door open. Chained by the ankle in the middle of the room was the woman he loved so much; wearing a old gown that billowed around her bare feet with her hair limp around her face. She just sat there, pale and blank as Loki bent down and took her shoulders, whispering her name.

            “Hm?” She barely responded, her eyes not leaving the floor.

            “Look at me, I’m here to get you out,” Loki cradled her face, relieved that he could touch her. “Focus… Do you remember me? Feel my strength and make it your own.” Grey watched him and blinked before a young smile crossed her face.

            “Sweetheart,” she muttered and Loki felt tears fill his eyes as he nodded.

            “Yes, yes, let me get you out of here.”

            “Shh…she can hear us,” she whispered. “Don’t hope…she hates that.”

            “What…oh,” Loki felt something move behind him before he stood abruptly and turned, guarding the woman behind him. “ _You_.” He growled as a creature crawled across the wall like a childish demon, staring with one black eye and one washed out. She growled back and her teeth were all filed to little sharp points when jagged nails clawed at the wall she was crawling across. Grey suddenly tossed her arms around one of Loki’s legs, holding to him tightly. He looked down at her with her arms around his calf and touched her hair lightly.

            “Please, let me keep him,” she begged, “please just let me get what I want this time. Let me keep this.”  _Let yourself be happy_ , Loki thought. White screeched like a banshee and dove toward Loki just as he pushed Grey backwards. He rolled across the floor and realized he couldn’t do magic as he moved his head to avoid her claws.

            “No!” Grey used her chain and wrapped it around White’s neck to yanked her off, only to be tossed back into the large window, shattering it before she rolled and fell unconscious. Loki was up in a flash before he grabbed White by the hair and smacked her into the wall.

            “She gave everything for you!” Loki yelled and White snarled.

            “She murdered me! She forgot about me and tried to lock me away! Not anymore! Never again! I created her and she owes me everything! It's my turn. You owe me a debt and I will collect one day.”

            “Lies!” Loki slammed her into the wall again and shook her. Grey was waking behind them slowly. “You used her and tormented her, dead or not, I’ll make sure you go back into the damn ground!” Furious, Loki held her out the opened window by the neck as she squirmed, kicking her feet. He bared his teeth and saw it: fear crawling across her face before she screeched again and fought but Loki readied to let go.

            “Loki…” Grey whispered, waking up more and stopping him from her spot on the ground. “She is me.”

            “You and I both know that the real one is dead, this is not her.”

            “I know…but whatever she is… She is me. I can't shred my soul further. It isn't right.”

            “She is hurting you. I can make your pain go away. I can get rid of her and… _I can make you so happy_.”

            “Yes, you can. But, not like this. You love all of me and  _she is me_. She is a part of that. I understand now.” Loki stayed rooted on the spot as this decaying creature watched him, holding to his wrist tightly. He had no idea what could happen if he got rid of this thing, perhaps she would be happier, perhaps it would ruin her. She was right. He knew that. This was a part of her. Everything within her mind shaped her and it was all was a part of her. He couldn’t deny it, he couldn’t deny any of it. So, Loki instead slowly brought her back inside, his hand still firmly around her throat as he grabbed at her hair to make her look up at him.

            “You will hate me with every damned fiber of your being and I will only love you more, do you understand? Hate me until you love it.” Loki whispered in a low tone. The hand in her hair touched her face, almost tenderly, as he kissed her temple before he released her. White turned and screamed with every bit of terror she had into Grey’s face, not gaining any reaction.

            “Perhaps, another time, old friend.” She reached out with one hand and slowly, the child lowered to the floor and blinked. Her hand came out to connect and they both watched the child's sunken face heal just slightly. "I'll go on and let you stay here so I can care for you. Finally. I am...so sorry. You can be grey now. Live with me. Heal. We both could use it. I'll come back for you. I promise." Both of them watched the darkness engulf the child before she was gone. Loki looked down at his friend and love before he spoke softly.

            “So much pain around you… I haven’t been able to grasp it fully.”

            “Pain, yes. But, also hope. Much more now.”

            “Let me get you out of here,” Loki reached down and broke the chain with ease, releasing her. Every window in the house opened, magic appeared to surround them.

            “I love you,” she spoke, “you need to get back. They’re waiting for you.”

            “I love you,” Loki replied desperately, “all of you. If this didn’t work-”

            “Have faith,” she smiled, backing up. “I’ll come back to you. We always come back to each other. I can't keep leeching your strength. You must go.” She faded away and Loki felt himself fall suddenly, aimlessly before he jolted up when a voice called his name.

** ** **

            “Loki?! Wake up,” I begged, grasping at his clothes as Frigga moved to his opposite side. Confused, I’d awoken, the past few weeks a complete blur with Frigga waiting and Loki asleep next to me. I looked down at the cut on my hand and the one on his.  _He used blood magic_. Without warning, Loki jolted up, his green eyes snapping open and he yelled like he’s just awoken from a nightmare. “Loki…” He saw me as I grabbed at his collar and exhaled before turning abruptly when a nauseous look crossed his face.

            “Here,” Frigga was pressing a large container into Loki’s hands before he vomited.  “Let it out, darling,” she brushed some of his hair back.

            “What happened?” I asked, panicked. Loki finished up and I rubbed my hand against his back.

            “What do you remember?” Frigga spoke while she healed Loki’s hand and I shrugged.

            “Being sick…my memories leaving…not much else. I feel like a mess. How did he make me better?” I tried to quickly adjust to everything so I let out a calm breath. The Queen took my hand to heal it before she spoke.

            “You see, Loki went-” she stopped when Loki grabbed her wrist and shook his head.

            “I…” He gathered himself. “I merely cast an ancient spell to give you strength, I used my own.” Frigga looked at Loki for a moment before she nodded. “Mother, please take that book away, put it where it belongs.”

            “I’ll be back with healers for both of you,” the Queen kissed his head and smiled at me. “We were all so worried about you, dear.”

            “I’m sorry,” I watched her shake her head.

            “No, we’re all just happy to have you back. Concentrate on your health.” Frigga stood taller and glanced at Loki. “I imagine your father will have some words for you, but allow me to speak with him first.”

            “Yes, I’ll go to him this evening,” Loki was staring down at his hands so Frigga left with the spellbook before he quickly gathered me in his arms. “I missed you.”

            “I missed you too… We’re okay? We’re really okay?” My eyes filled with tears. Loki moved back to take my face before he nodded. “I barely remember any of it…”

            “It is not important,” Loki’s hands shook, “you are here now. You’re here. You’re here with me, I love you, I love you so much.” He pulled me toward him tightly, that vulnerability he let show around me coming through. But, something more was here, Loki seemed so rattled. _What did that spell do?_  Not asking now, I merely held to him and pressed a kiss to his neck. I was back at long last.

** ** **

            “We wish for you to stay in bed one more night, hon. To be sure,” Elisif smiled at me and Eir rounded the bed, hand lifting to the lights dancing delicately above me before they disappeared. “We’ll bring your dinner up later.”

            “Can I see anyone? I haven’t seen the others yet,” I asked and both ladies looked to Loki behind her while he watched me closely.

            “Tomorrow at breakfast,” the prince spoke before he dismissed them and came toward me. Moira rushed inside just as they left, coming to my arms first.

            "It worked." She sighed, pulling away to take my arms and looked me over. 

            "Where is it you discovered such a spell? I've not even seen it or that book and I know every text in the library." Loki eyed her.

            "I traveled. Wrote my mother. She knows the ancient ways well. It was risky but we were short on time," Moira held my faced and studied me. "Something is different, I sense. You seem calm. Flush and open. I'm sorry, I should have been here for it to protect you both."

             "My mother did what she could. You have my thanks for helping save her life."

             "She will be fine so as long as everything is in it's right place." Moira turned and met Loki's stare, head tilting. "My prince. I'll give you both some time." Moira touched my shoulder and hurried to leave. Loki was at my side instantly.

            “I’m fine now, Loki, really.” I smiled and he sat on the bed. In truth, my body ached but I wasn’t going to tell him that. “You haven’t told me how you are.”

            “I am well because you are,” he admitted when I touched his hand and turned it over to trace a line down his palm.

            “Blood magic is serious, I don’t want there to be any harmful after-effects for you.”

            “After everything, you’re worrying about me?” Loki appeared amused and shook his head as I pulled his hand up to my lips to kiss it.

            “Always am,” I smiled lightly, “how can I not be?”

            “Well, for once, you must focus on yourself.”

            “I can do both just fine.”

            “Hm, very well,” Loki moved forward and kissed me for the first time as I took his face in my hands, tilting my head to deepen it. It felt so good to be around him again, I couldn’t help myself. When I shifted onto his lap, he abruptly broke the kiss and took my wrists to make me pause. “I have to go soon to meet father.”

            “Not for a little while,” I shook my head and moved forward to capture his lips once more and he caved a little, pressing closer as his hands roamed my back and touched my hair and I loved it. I missed him so much. But, when I began to kiss down his neck, he stopped us again, settling his hands on my shoulders.

            “I love you,” he kissed me once more and slid me from his lap to get up, “I must go.” I didn’t let go of his hand and I watched his gaze flicker quickly from me.

            “Loki, are you-?”

            “I am fine,” he let himself grin and I nodded. “I’ll be back soon and we shall talk.”

            “Tonight, will you sleep in here with me?” I asked and felt him rub a circle into my skin with his thumb.

            “Of course,” he came forward to kiss my temple, touching my face tenderly as he did. “Rest here until I come back.”

            “I’ll try.” Reluctantly, I grinned a little and let him go.

** ** **

            Loki paced down the hallway quickly, ignoring those who spoke to him until he managed to get back to his room. Without warning, he slid back against his doorway in his dim lit bedroom, not having to meet his father for another twenty minutes. Barely able to lock the door, the tears Loki had been holding in began to fall, his face contorting with an unpleasant sob. Burying his face in his hands, he began to cry as a lamp suddenly lit and he realized he wasn’t alone.

            “Mother?” The torn prince couldn’t keep himself together while he noticed her sitting on the cushioned couch. “How did…you get in here? I'm... How…did you know…that I…?”

            “I’m your mother, Loki,” she held out her hand and he moved to stumble over, allowing his body to lie on the couch. Gently, Frigga smoothed his messy black hair back as he set his head on her lap and curled his legs up. Loki crackled apart and set his teeth tight, trembling while he hitched a sob.

            “For once, I…I don’t know what to do,” Loki was trying so hard to just pull himself together and the pieces instead crumbled. Frigga soothed him as best she could.

            “We all have our secrets that haunt us. This trauma that never leaves, Loki...some more so than others. I imagine you’ve seen much of hers as she has seen yours over the years.”

            “We let her live in that damned house for so long. I knew there were problems, I did, but I didn't do enough. I didn't.” Loki growled. “Did you know? Did Heimdall?” He sat up a bit, crying in his mother’s lap like he was a child once more. Frigga was all empathy.

            “You know she hid well, Loki. So much could have gone wrong. I had an idea, but by the time I had Heimdall turn his gaze, much had changed and we had no way of knowing what exactly happened before. We could not remove her from the house because by that time, her father had not given us a full reason to. We had to wait and finally, I was able to get her to move into the palace. She saved herself. I wish I acted earlier and Odin and I both regret it. You must know that.”

            “There had to have been more, Heimdall…he didn’t see anything from when she was just a child? He did not see her father crawl into…” Loki abruptly stopped and shook his head, covering his eyes with his hands before he let out another sob. In front of Frigga, he was a little boy again in need of his mother’s affections. “I should not have revealed that…” Frigga’s eyes filled with tears before she touched Loki’s face.

            “What is important, is that she is here now and if you wish to get the full truth, you must speak to her.”

            “I cannot push such a thing while her memories are so repressed. I think they're trickling back...but, if I force it further. Gods. I cannot allow her to know what I did to get her back… I cannot speak to her about what I saw.” Loki shook his head. “For once…it is not my place. I push and push her so much, lessons or not. I've known her since I was a child and I never realized the extent of the abuse. I thought her being out would...magically begin to heal it but it isn't distance and it isn't me. She must be the one and I feel so helpless.”

            “If you act differently around her, she will notice.” Frigga spoke softly and Loki’s lips upturned sadly.

            "I think she already has. There was something in her head. Something I'd never seen or imagined. It...got out. What if it just harms her again?" Loki wiped his face on his sleeve.

            "Mental sickness. Abuse. Trauma. They can stay with us for the rest of our lives. They will be her battles. But, you can hold her. Stay with her. Let her depend on you when she needs another. And she will offer the same for you. You both...were such good things in each other's lives growing up. I watched her become your companion with so much pride. You always held an understanding. Give her some time, Loki." Frigga eased. "There are harsh roads ahead. Lessons to be learned. Please, Loki, promise me. Do not do it alone. If you need someone there for you, you need them. There is no shame in it."

            "I promise, mother." Loki sniffled again. "Thank you."

            "I love you." Frigga smiled warmly. "You and your friends must look out for each other. Always. Do not make the same mistakes my generation did." 

            "I love you as well."

** ** **

            I could see the warriors sparring from my window as the sky changed. Tugging idly on the fresh shirt I put on, I wandered aimlessly around the room and tucked some hair behind my ear. I wanted to go see them. _To hell with it._  Opening the door a crack, I looked around the healing room and waited for a healer to enter another room before I quickly snuck out and left. Slipping out of the palace quickly, I felt the wind and stopped abruptly to glance up at the overcast sky. I took in the fresh air and breathed a sigh of complete relief before continuing on. As I walked toward the training grounds, I heard the warriors up ahead and moved past the training areas until I saw Sif and The Warriors Three. Shuffling closer, I noticed Fandral look over from the woman next to him before he realized it was me and jolted to attention. He put one finger up to the woman and jogged toward me instantly, causing the others near him to notice me as well. Smiling sheepishly, I waved while Fandral raced over and tossed his arms around my waist, lifting me up to embrace me.

            “Fandral!” I laughed aloud as the fur on his cloak tickled my neck, my arms went around his shoulders. Fandral spun me like a prince would in a fairy tale before he set me down. “Miss me?” Instead, he hugged me again tightly and I was surprised to feel him shake, no suave words coming out. Fandral sniffled and touched the back of my head before he pulled away and nodded.

            “I missed my sweetest lady. Who better to listen to my heroic tales?” He smiled and a pair of arms trapped us together as Volstagg engulfed us both in a hug, lifting us from the grass. “Thank you for making me a part of this, my friend,” Fandral groaned and I laughed when Volstagg set us down.

            “You’re alright?” Volstagg set a large hand on my shoulder and I nodded.

            “Much better now.”

            “Sneak out of the healing room, did you?” Sif appeared behind him with Hogun and I grinned. “I’m impressed.”

            “I might have.” I paused. “I don’t remember a lot but…I do remember you and Hogun saving my life in battle. Thank you… I owe you both.”

            “Repay us by never getting that ill again,” Sif smiled and I hugged her lightly, reaching back to touch Hogun’s shoulder. The corner of his mouth quirked up and I stepped back.

            “I’ll see what I can do.”

            “Do not think we’re going to allow you to train just yet,” Volstagg spoke.

            “Worth a try,” I joked lightly. “Mostly, I just wanted to see you all, I imagine they know I’m gone now. I should get back before they worry Loki with this.” I saw Fandral look behind me before a voice made me turn quickly.

            “Too late,” Loki stood behind me with his arms crossed, looking unimpressed when I smiled.

            “To be fair, I made it out here just fine.”

            “I imagine you’ll make it back in just fine as well,” the prince raised an eyebrow before I looked back at the training grounds.

            “Wait, I just realized, I haven’t seen- _Thor_!” I let out a high pitched yell when a muscled man charged into me and picked me up with such ferocity, I was practically tossed on his shoulder.

            “Thor, be careful with her!” Loki rubbed his shoulder as it looked like Thor had partly charged into him on the way. Laughing as Thor hugged my legs, I hung over his shoulder and looked at Loki.

            “They just informed me about you,” Thor added, swaying like I was a cat.

            “I’m fine,” I giggled and Loki shook his head, smirking when he looked away.

            “This is not funny, you fool,” Loki’s expression betrayed him. “I suppose you might as well help me take her inside now, come on.

            “Gladly, brother,” Thor turned with me over his shoulder and I waved at the warriors behind me.

            “See you tomorrow!”

            “Get some rest, my lady,” Fandral replied and I nodded before putting my attention to Thor.

            “You don’t have to carry me back inside.”

            “You’re technically an escaped patient, we have to be certain you are escorted back,” Loki piped up in a more spirited manner now and I blew some hair from my face.

            “My brother is very correct,” Thor added and I groaned, watching the ground as we got back into the palace a few minutes later.

            “I get it, I won’t escape again,” I spoke idly. “Please?”

            “Does she sound sincere to you, brother?” Loki smirked and Thor chuckled.

            “No more so than you.”

            “I resent that,” Loki replied. “I suppose we’ll allow her down. We cannot have her hanging around you for too long and falling in love.”

            “I do have that effect on the ladies, I know,” Thor carefully let me down and I quickly hugged him properly.

            “Thank you, I suppose,” I crossed my arms. “I’ll see you and the others tomorrow?”

            “Certainly,” Thor nodded his head once and grinned at me before settling a hand on my shoulder. “We’re glad to have you back.”

            “Glad to be back.”

            “Until later, brother,” Thor gave Loki’s shoulder a pat as he passed us to go.

            “Of course.” The younger prince looked at me before gesturing for us to continue. “Come, let’s get you back to the healing room.”

            “How was your talk with Odin? Did I get you into trouble?”

            “I am always in trouble,” Loki shrugged, smirking so I shook my head, amused and took his hand when no one was around. “No, father was not pleased that I did something without his consent but, it will be fine. You are back and it worked.”

            “If he was upset, that spell must have been dangerous…” I remarked.

            “It was nothing, they worried because of your…declining health and I risked my own energy. But, it worked and here we are. That is that.” Loki was staring ahead of him.

            “Can I see the spell Moira found that you used…?”

            “It was an ancient and forbidden spell, best to not give it any more of your attention,” he replied quickly and I exhaled, narrowing my gaze before I looked away.

            “All right, Loki.”

** ** ***

            “Are you coming to bed?” I asked, sitting against the headboard. Loki was distracted and I could tell as he waved his hand to close the curtains, the flickering fire lit up the dark room somewhat. Colors played off his face.

            “Yes,” Loki sat down with his back to me and I touched his bare shoulder, causing him to turn toward me a bit as I stared back at him. Licking my lips, I moved to pull my nightgown up and he stopped me almost immediately, his hands on my wrists. Loki shook his head and averted his gaze to the blankets draped on my feet before he carefully pulled them up over my legs, covering me.  _Really, Loki?_

            “So something  _is_  wrong,” I leaned back and he realized I’d just been testing him.

            “I am merely hesitant for your health.”

            “Loki…” I furrowed my brow and exhaled. “What are you not telling me?”

            “You need to rest, I just… I need you to rest yourself  _now_ ,” his voice grew firm before he touched my face, settling down again quickly. Loki’s tired green eyes traced over my expression before he moved in slowly, our foreheads touched and I closed my eyes. The prince exhaled against me and brushed our lips lightly, his fingers trailing into my hair to rest on the back of my neck. He tilted his head and captured my lips more firmly when I touched his shoulders. “Know that I love you,” he pulled away, “ _rest_.”

            “Okay. I will,” I swallowed and nodded before we both laid down, facing each other and he took my hand to press his lips to my fingers then my wrist. “I love you too.” Curling toward him, I got Loki to move onto his back so I could get on his chest. Comforted when he put his arms around me, I closed my eyes and breathed softly as his fingers traced little circles into my back.

            “Sleep,” Loki coaxed softly and I cuddled into him more.

            “Goodnight.”

** ** **

            “ _Ngh…no…_ ” Loki’s shifting body caused me to wake slowly before he abruptly turned over, taking the blankets with him.

            “Hm…Loki?” I rubbed my eyes and sat up, waking more when I realized he was kicking his legs and squirming. “Loki,” I spoke more firmly, setting a hand on his shoulder to wake him.

            “Get…away,” he whimpered and I shook him harder.

            “Loki! Wake up,” I practically began to fight him as he pushed at me, kicking the blankets off the bed. “It isn’t real, wake up!” I hovered over him and abruptly fell back when he jolted awake with a loud gasping cry. Hyperventilating, Loki quickly got out of the bed before I could reach out for him. “You just had a nightmare…what happened?” I scrambled to get up as he began to pull on a thin undershirt, not even looking back at me. “Loki, wait. Talk to me.” I took his arm, planting myself between him and the door when he moved to go, grabbing at his cloak.

            “I need air, I’ll be back,” barely sparing me a glance, Loki moved around me and left the room without any shoes instead of going out on the balcony.

            “Loki…” I tried but he was already gone. Confused, I sat on the bed a moment and rubbed my eyes. Whatever happened yesterday, it affected him. I needed to find out what that spell was and soon. Pulling the blankets back onto the bed, I turned and marched out after him in only my dark blue nightgown. Holding myself, I rubbed my arms and paced out toward the nearest exit until I saw him sitting just outside a small archway on the row of steps. Asgard was so quiet and empty at night. Without a word, I stepped down and sat next to him as the moonlight edged softly along his pale skin.

            “What are you doing?” Loki glanced at me, disbelieving before pulling his cloak off to set it around my shoulders. The furs on it warmed me so I held it closer, the fabric smelled so like him. “You should go back inside.”

            “What happened back there, Loki…?”

            “It was nothing.”

            “You haven’t had a nightmare like that in a long time,” I countered and he rested his elbows on his knees, glancing down. "I don't want you to have night terrors again."

            “You should go back in and rest.”

            “Not without you,” I shook my head, “you don’t have to tell me what happened… Just don’t try to lie to me about how you’re feeling. I was there, I know you had a bad nightmare. I know something is wrong. I'd like to help if I can.” Loki turned his head to gaze at me.

            “In my nightmare, I could not assist you,” he blinked suddenly and glanced away, his shoulders tensing up.

            “Well, you’re here now and you’ve helped me plenty. You risked your life to save me and here I am barely recalling any of it. It was like someone else took over my body and I just...slept.”

            “ _Have I really helped you_?” Loki’s words were laced in bitterness and I felt confused.

            “Yes, you have,” I touched his cheek, my knuckles lightly caressing his skin and he turned to me again with red-rimmed eyes. “Come back inside with me,” I begged softly as he took my hand and pressed his lips to my wrist, goosebumps rose on my flesh. Leaning forward, I let my forehead rest on his shoulder for a moment before I shifted up to kiss his jaw. Impulsively, Loki turned and our lips collided roughly; he tilted his head and leaned forward more so I braced my hand behind me to keep my body upright. The prince advanced, a breathy sound coming from his lips while we parted and I tried to speak between heated kisses. “Come…in...inside with…me…” My arms slid around his shoulders as broad hands skimmed down my hips, fingers bunching up the fabric of my thin nightgown.

            “You…” Loki broke the kiss suddenly and my body felt flushed. He blinked and stared at me a moment, taking in the sight of my tousled hair and swollen lips as I licked them. My chest rose and fell as I pressed my legs together when the cold air did little to calm a sudden ache burning like hot flames licking at my body. More goosebumps rose on my skin and I felt my nipples pressing against the fabric of the nightgown as they hardened. Bathed in the moonlight, there was a perfect moment of calm among the storm raging on and Loki spoke. “You are beautiful.” The storm swirled and we leaned in at the same time for an electric kiss that could have put lightning itself to shame.

            “Loki,” I gasped against him and missed the sound of his name from my lips when it was laced in his own desire.

            “Say it…once more,” the prince breathed between our hard kisses and I obliged instantly when I realized he missed it too.

            “ _Loki_ …” I whispered against the air, my fingers surging into his ebony locks as he broke from me. His gaze flickered over my face and I was back against the stairs with him sliding between my legs in an instant. The cloak around my shoulders provided little cushion but Loki was kissing my neck and sliding his hands along my body, I could have cried out in sheer bliss right there. He moaned my name against my skin, his breath burning the syllables into my flesh and I coaxed him on. My fingers scratched at his shoulders through the fabric of his clothes while my legs tightened around his hips. With a shuddered breath, he barely parted from me and kissed my collar quickly, trailing more down my chest over the thin nightgown. He kissed my breasts through the fabric and I arched as he hovered and kissed my lips again when I parted them slightly.

            “ _I need you_ ,” came Loki’s soft prayer against my mouth. Staring up at the stars when his lips found my neck once more, I held his body closer to mine and our hips met. I thought of us being seen by someone. I thought of the stairs digging into my back. I thought about asking if he’d already covered us in an illusion. I thought of the cold night and looked up at those perfect stars again and suddenly, none of it mattered so we carried on. Loki slid one arm behind my head as his other hand found my waist and when he held my body to his, I just didn’t care about anything else. Loki was here with me and we were  _home_.

            “Yes,” I found myself whispering, “here. Now… I need you,” we kissed again and Loki’s fingers were bunching up my nightgown. I pushed up his shirt so I could lean forward and kiss his bare chest before Loki pressed me back against the stairs while I scrambled to adjust my hips when his fingers traced up my inner thigh. He stared into my eyes and I nodded quickly, all of my eagerness causing my body to cry out as he pushed my underwear aside so fast, the fabric stretched and I heard a small tear. “ _Yes_ , hurry,” I begged again and Loki frantically adjusted himself until he settled his tip at my entrance and pushed inside without warning to fill me. He let out a whine that was muffled after he pressed his body fully against mine and we froze, everything almost becoming too much.

            “ _Sweetheart_ ,” Loki breathed and I wrapped my legs around his hips to coax him deeper inside me, comforting him with my body. Against the hard stairs, my fingers practically tore at his shirt when he started moving, his hand grasping desperately at the back of my thigh as his other arm stayed behind my head.

            “I have you, Loki,” I whispered in his ear as he began to thrust at a messy pace that I could scarcely keep up with. “You’re right… _oh_ …here with me.” Moving against each other, our heartbeats sped as I looked up at the stars, feeling like my body was soaring with them and floating in a state of pure ecstasy. His body slid along mine and the angle already drove me into a frenzy, pleasure igniting up my spine. Loki moaned low and soft in my ear. Heat filled me and I arched up into him. The starlit sky combined with the lust, and the messy sex drove me close. Our hurried love-making climbing up toward the perfect release. I held Loki tighter and gave him everything as he gave me himself in return, thrusting harder and the pain didn’t even register so I moaned and begged him for more, bucking desperately. He could not even speak so he just obliged. His hand slipped between my legs to compel me closer and I dug my teeth into his shoulder, about drawing blood but he groaned and rubbed circles into my clit harder. “Come…with me…  _Ahh._  Don’t…stop… Fuck, Loki. I'm right there. I'm there.”

            “ _Almost_ ,” he rasped into my neck, teetering on the brink of release as he slammed into me erratically.

            “You’re here…with me, Loki…  _Yes_ …I have you…” My body tensed up as I moaned under him and kept whispering. “ _We’re home now_.” Loki breathed heavily onto my flesh, his fingers tangled into my hair and pulled. “ _Coming…_ ” Climax gripped me so hard, my back curved and I would have hit my head if his arm wasn’t cushioning it. Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes before they rolled back as Loki came with a rough shudder above me, his release pumping into me and leaking down my inner thighs. We collapsed, holding each other closer than ever as I tried to get my breath back and watched beads of blood seep through his shirt where I’d bitten him. Shaken hands moved to brush my hair back and hold my face so he could kiss me once more, gently. His face was flushed as he looked down at me with bright green eyes. “You’re bleeding…” I touched his shoulder.

            “Leave it,” Loki adjusted the cloak over my shoulders before he shifted up to pull out of me and tuck himself back into his pants. I fixed my underwear and nightgown before gingerly sitting up, my body still shaken to the core.

            “We’re fine? Tell me we’re alright,” I cupped Loki’s face when our gazes locked again and he nodded.

            “We are home,” he stated evenly, one arm sliding behind my back as I leaned in to kiss his lips lightly then his jaw before I nudged my head into his.

            “Take me back inside,” I whispered and he was picking me up in his arms so I slid mine around his neck. Neither of us spoke anymore as he carried me off and took me to bed, our bodies entwining before we fell back to sleep. _We can take each other somewhere beautiful._  

** ** **

            “Frigga-”

            “I know what you wish for, dear, and I’m not certain that-“

            “Frigga, please,” I begged, following her down the row of shelves in the busy library. “Moira isn't in the palace today so I cannot ask her. I need to see the spell and I know that you know where and what it is.”

            “It is complicated, I’m afraid. You must know that Loki does not wish for you to see it. It has scarcely been two days since we got you back. Where is he now?”

            “He thinks I’m still in the healing room while he runs some errands.” I paused. “Loki had an awful nightmare last night, he hasn’t had one that bad in a while. So, I snuck out to make him a potion to stop any further nightmares and left it on his desk and here I am. I wanted to see the spell before he discovered I was gone. I don’t have much time and I need this. I know I do.”

            “I’m afraid that I cannot help you,” Frigga spoke and I lowered my gaze when she conjured a book and set it down on a counter. “I want to, dear. I really do.” She opened it to a specific page and pointed, nodding at me. “But, I just cannot.” Smiling a little at her as she smirked lightly, I shifted forward. “Oh, I seem to have forgotten something, I shall be back in five minutes.” When she turned to go, I spoke gratefully.

            “Thank you, Frigga,” I watched her pause and turn before she smiled sweetly.

            “Five minutes.” The Queen left and I quickly moved forward to read over what I could of the spell and potion requirements. It was ancient and I’d never heard of someone doing this as my blood ran a little cold. Loki was in my head, searching through thoughts and memories. I blinked as I covered my mouth with my hand. _What else did he find?_  All of the looks he’d been giving me and the way he’d been acting made so much more sense. Loki looked like he’d been through trauma.  _My head. He was in my head. He must have seen terrible things. My head is full of terrible things._  I backed away, my hand stifling my gasp while my eyes went wide. All of the after-effects of this, what if they’re too much? It was too risky, he shouldn’t have done this. Not for me. He’d practically connected our minds, I didn’t want my secrets drowning him. Loki had his own to live with. Before I knew it, I was racing off, leaving the book there for Frigga as I jogged out of the library and down the hall. Ignoring anyone I passed, I drew closer to Loki’s chambers and saw him as I stopped at the top of a wide staircase.

            “Loki!” I called and he turned, both of us alone before he approached me.

            “ _Honestly_ , they’re letting you back into your private quarters today and still you escape from the-”

            “I saw the spell, I know what you did,” I cut over him in a quick breath and Loki’s eyes went a little wide before he covered up his expression. “Why? Why did you do it? It was too dangerous. The lasting effects I saw were-”

            “Nothing compared to the thought of losing you, you know damn well why I did it. It was our only option,” Loki drew closer as I moved and paused again halfway down the stairs. "I can live with what comes next for us."

            “What did you see?” I gripped the bannister, looking away when Loki didn’t speak before I repeated myself louder. “What did you see, Loki?!”

            “ _Everything_.” His voice was forcibly even and I swallowed hard, my hands shaking.

            “Are you going to ask me?”

            “Ask you what?”

            “About my father? About what all happened between us? About all the lies I’ve told. How funny it is, that my memories are so scrambled and I don’t even know what he did. Some things must be too hard on our minds and we can do nothing else but repress it. But, some days, I wake in the middle of the night and still feel him against my leg. What if I comes out one day? I am so terrified of remembering because I...I'm not sure it's something I'll survive again. What if it comes out in the ugliest way it can? Most things with me do. I...I wish...” Blanking, I trailed off and met his eyes.

            “I will love it regardless and you.”

            “ _Will you?_ ” I felt fear. “My mind is a mess and now you can see.” Loki could see me fully for all that I was and I felt so exposed and vulnerable and just  _so damn scared_. “You saw every bit of darkness trapped inside my head. You’ve seen it time and time again.”

            “You've touched mine as well. My father once stated that hope will forever be the strongest force over fear and pain. But, I don't need to tell you that. I didn’t believe him at the time. And you… You make me want to believe in hope.” Loki was staring at me and seeing me and I wanted to run from his gaze, but I could not move. His words always pulled me in. “You’ve seen my ugliness and fear plenty of times and I neglected the fact that you’ve held onto me regardless. After every stone I’ve tossed and every quarrel we had, petty or not. After every lie we’ve both told. I neglected the magnitude of the horrors you’ve seen.”

            “Loki, you saw everything, how are you still standing here?” I felt my face heat. “The lies I’ve told and the false emotions I’ve put up, there was a point when I didn’t even know who I was. I should have come to you, to anyone but, I… I wasn’t strong enough. I was so ashamed. I wasn’t good. I didn’t think I deserved any of it after the things I’ve let happen and… you saw it all. You have every right to be upset with me.” Loki’s face was unreadable as he began to move up toward me, taking slow and calm steps. “I…” I was shaking so hard as the prince drew closer and I became frantic when he towered, even though he stood a step below me. “I know you’re angry and I know what you’re going to say-”

            “Touch the damn earth, then,” his palm settled on my cheek, “and let yourself accept that I shall always love you in return.”  _I was wrong_. Lowering my gaze, a tear slipped from my eye and he wiped it with his thumb. My lips trembled so I pressed them together before I sniffled, my eyes shutting to stop the next flow of tears. My brow furrowed and Loki was still watching me as I opened my eyes to gaze at him.

            “I have hope, even a flicker, for myself,” I murmured, “but, I’ve always had hope for you too. For us. I fear that I’ve shown you so many copies of myself, without letting you see which one was me and…and I’m not even certain. I just...am what others needed me to be.”

            “They are all you now,” he replied, wiping another tear. “I have seen the multitude of copies and loved each one. The real you is alive still. Fighting a sickness that won't go overnight.” I touched Loki’s arm, my fingers grasping at his sleeve before my other hand found his and guided it to my waist.

            “I love every piece of you,” I confessed, “I’m so grateful. For everything.” I was grateful to just be  _alive_ here. I leaned in to capture his lips, my hands grasping at the leather and dark green fabric of his sleeves. I mapped out the complex stars yet, he managed to count each one. And I loved him for it. Always finding our way to each other, we parted and kissed once more before I stepped back and took his hand from my face in both of mine.

            “Come,” Loki gave my hand a squeeze, “I’ll take you someplace better today.”

            “There is no place better.” I glanced down at our hands and back up to his fresh smirk.

            “Would you like to bet on that?”

            “I’ve lost too many  _bets_  to you already.” I smiled fully at him, gazing at his vibrant green eyes.

            “And I, to you.” The prince led me down the stairs. “But, I do hope you are comfortable with losing more, _sweetheart_.” I laughed slightly and shook my head, amused when he led me off

            “Maybe,” I watched the sun peek through the clouds outside and felt peaceful.  _I really am home_.

            "I will just have to persuade you.” Loki was smiling at me and I could do nothing but return it in full.

            “I suppose I’ll let you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final prompt in first phase, stay tuned for the next one. New OCs galore, buildup toward the movies, developing superpowers, and events that change the face of Asgard forever nbd. Thanks you so much for sticking with me if you're here!


	16. The Fall: Part One. The Pledge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of a new three part phase called The Fall. I used to jokingly call this my first movie special. Another year after the loss and recovery of her memories. An outsider comes to the royal province with his own agenda and connects with the Lady, changing both her and Asgard forever. New mysterious powers come about while realizations shift the entire government around. OCs are mine but thanks to bethesda for such great npc names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember sitting in class and I had an idea for an OC so I started writing until I had pages of notes that turned into this storyline. This prompts ripples down the many others, it's a climax of sorts and it'll heavily connect to some of the later movies. Much of what happens will come back to haunt characters. ;) Thank you for taking time to read!

            “Missing her already?”

            “Sneaking into my chambers?” Loki glanced up at me when I appeared as he leaned against his balcony.

            “Must I always remind you that you gave me a key?” I walked passed the open glass doors and crossed my arms. “Haven’t seen you all day.”

            “I was assisting mother before she was to leave.” The prince straightened up, fiddling with his hands before he crossed his fingers. Shifting next to him, I leaned against the large balcony and glanced at the view of Asgard while the cold sky grew darker.

            “She’s going to miss the snow, they think it’ll fall tonight.” I commented idly, pulling my cloak closer and he merely nodded in response. “How long will she be in Vanaheim this time?”

            “Two or three weeks, we seem to be trading residents often with our closest allies these days. Princess Sigyn requested it herself.” Loki glanced over at me. “Practically took all the healers with her. Did mother place you back in the healing room for while she is away?”

            “Yes, it seems I’ll be in there for the next few weeks with Moira and Elisif. Eir went with the Queen too. Asta would be with us but she is bedridden from her pregnancy now. It’ll be a nice change I suppose. The healing room. I haven’t worked in there in months.”

            “Tired of the stench of the training grounds?”

            “Tired of you picking on me during lessons,” I joked slightly with a grin. "It's almost wild. How natural magic feels to me now. Following you has never been so effortless when we dance. Feel like I finally know the steps."

            “Foremost, you should be used to that as we have been holding lessons for years,” he smirked, “secondly, I have been  _picking_  on you for even longer. Third, I find you to be an astute dance partner.”

            “Not something to be proud of. Picking on me, I mean,” I stared out at the scene before us and exhaled a cold breath to the air, my lip quirking up when the wind blew.

            “I try to find joy where I can.” Loki shrugged and I shook my head at him.

            “Me too,” I sighed, turning to him abruptly before I stood on my toes to settle my hands behind his neck, bringing him closer. Loki smirked wider when I angled my head, exhaling against his lips as I rolled my eyes. “Oh,  _hush_.”

            “I did not say anything,” he mused quietly, entertained.

            “You didn’t need to,” I brushed my lips against his, fingers tangling into his hair as my other hand found his chest. Loki pressed closer and took my arms before his hands slid around my back, pushing me against him. Loki hummed slightly against my lips and pulled away when I shivered.

            “Come, let’s get you inside,” he purred lightly, “I’ll warm you up in the best and only way I know how.” Smiling, I couldn’t help glancing away briefly when my face heated.

            “I suppose that I'll let you.”

** ** **

            “You’ve been pestering me for twenty minutes, you’re going to get me in trouble with Elisif,” I pushed passed Loki and closed the door, the sounds out in the main area of the healing room going muffled. Lights took form in the middle of the room and created a three-dimensional holographic image for me to swipe my hand through. I stood in front of the metal plate under it. The hologram brought up the documents I needed to scan when Loki moved in front of me, shifting his hand to scoot them over and I exhaled sharply.

            “The healing room is practically empty today,” Loki tilted his head when I moved the many floating images back between us, they glimmered brighter. “You’re allowed to leave early. Your prince can command it.”

            “My prince won’t be able to command anything when I knock him out that window,” I spoke distractedly and he chuckled as my eyes flickered over the writing floating in front of me before I flicked my wrist to go to the next page. “Let me finish here, I’m almost done and I told Elisif I’d double check these lists before I left. When they need me in the healing room these days, I put in the same effort I used to when I was just starting out. As one should.” I paused, my gaze going up to him through the holograms in front of me. “What exactly are you up to?”

            “I merely wished to enjoy the snowfall with you, sweetheart. Love of my life. Ethereal goddess,” his charming smile gave nothing away.

            “I think you want an audience for something. As flattered as I am, the last few times you pulled pranks during the snowfall, it didn’t go very well in the end.”

            “We managed to dig everyone out of the snow the first time, Thor’s eyebrows grew back quickly the second time, and as for the third time: we put the coliseum on the training grounds back together the very next day.”

            “ _Outstanding_ … It sounds  _so_ much better when you put it that way.” I tilted my head, sweeping my hand before the lights disappeared. “There, I’m done, was that so difficult?”

            “ _Immensely_ ,” Loki smirked and took my wrist, his other hand grabbing at his hanging cloak with the fine fabric lined in fur. Managing to grasp my own cloak while he hurried me out, I was forced to walk quickly to keep up with his larger strides. I saw my breath when I exhaled as we got outside, the thick blanket of glittering snow on Asgard covering everything in sight. It was so beautiful. I slowed a bit as it crunched under my feet and Loki pulled me along toward the training grounds.

            “What are you up to, Loki?” I laughed finally, my breath a puff against the cold air.

            “Nothing.”

            “The warriors won’t appreciate it if you cause trouble today…after what you did the  _fourth_  time.”

            “Hm, remind me, what did I do then?” Loki paused, the sounds of warriors near us.

            “You covered the ground in a slick sheet of ice, if I remember correctly, and we all slipped about.” Thor appeared out a nearby archway, “I believe you also made it a point to comment on my grace, brother. Frequently.”

            “Or  _lack_  of it,” Loki merely grinned. “One of our best snowfalls yet.”

            “I recall it going south quickly when you accidentally froze father’s feet to the ground as he came to see what all the shouts were about,” Thor crossed his arms and Loki shrugged, his lips a flat line.

            “I’ll do my very best to keep him out of trouble, Thor,” I spoke before Loki could, shaking my head to get the snowflakes off my hair. The sounds of weapons clashing faded and I shifted my feet.

            “You may be too late,” Loki clasped his hands behind his back as Thor and I glanced at him before we shared a look. Laughter sounded on the training grounds and the older prince pushed passed his brother with me following. Before I could round the stone structure, I heard Thor’s annoyed shout.

            “ _Loki_!” Quickly, I sped up and paused when the chuckles from the warriors grew.

            “Oh my…” I tilted my head and realized that there was a massive ice sculpture of Thor with the body of a goat in the middle of the grounds as if it had sprung up from the snow. Sif shot Loki a glare as he came forward, looking so pleased with himself. More chuckles sounded and Thor fumed. “Why a goat?” I voiced when no one pointed it out, hand lifting.

            “My masterpiece. Asgard was due for another sculpted likeness of its future king.” He exhaled. “Sweet brother, I do believe I got all of your best angles.” The laughs grew as Thor turned to stare at Loki, Mjolnir in hand.

            “Yes, but, why is it a goat? I’m actually curious, did you spend time thinking about this one?” I droned on again with no answers. When people told me that they thought Loki was some dark, mysterious prince, I couldn’t help but laugh. He was actually the most bizarre man to ever exist in Asgard from my experience. His pranks ranged from nasty to destructive to completely odd.

            “Is that so?” Thor’s expression made me side-step away from Loki. "Take cover!" Warriors scattered and jumped to get behind stone to safety. Our favorite thunder god lifted Mjolnir and lightning struck the ice, shattering it to pieces. Loki jumped out of his skin when a circle of rain covered him to drench his form before Thor willed it to end. 

            “Perhaps I should cover the grounds in ice once more. How fast do you think I could do it before you’re all trapped here?” Loki spit out water and growled, his black hair a mess before he took a defensive stance and moved to wave his hand but, Volstagg intervened.

            “I believe that is enough for the day,” he chuckled outward and Thor puffed, annoyed.

            “Let ‘em fight!” One warrior called, jokingly.

            “Put my gold on the thunderer,” another added and Loki’s annoyed expression matched Thor’s before the younger prince flicked his wrist to dry himself.

            "Warriors are bored beyond all reason, I see," came my remark.

            “You should really learn to appreciate art, brother.”

            “Why did you choose that animal?” Thor stood taller and Loki smirked. “Could have decided on something fiercer for me.”

            “Yes, you’re right, I should have picked something else as that creature has better manners than you.”

            “Show’s over,” I took Loki’s wrist and led him off, glancing at the scorch marks in the ground.

            “As much as I wish to appreciate your artistic skills, keep your  _art_  off the training grounds and far from me, brother.” Thor shot Loki a flat look as we passed.

            “You see, I try to take up  _constructive_  hobbies and this is what I get. There is just no pleasing some beings,” Loki voiced loudly, his head up as warriors stared at him with various amused and unsettled looks. Slowly, everyone went back to what they were doing as Thor and Loki shared a final entertained glance before the elder prince turned to go see Hogun.

            “You know, I’ve never seen anyone as obsessed with something as you are with Thor.”

            “ _Obsessed_ ,” Loki rolled his eyes at me, “oh, please. The rest of Asgard has that position held.” Shaking my head, I walked around him and waved to Fandral across the way before I turned when a guard approached Thor and began speaking to him. Loki paused to watch, glancing away from me for a few minutes.

            "What is it?" I touched Loki's shoulder.

            "I am not sure." He craned his neck.

            “Loki,” Thor waved him back over as the guard left and I followed curiously. “Heimdall reports an intruder in the forest. Approaching quickly on a floating vessel. A fast one. He’s advanced.”

            “Did he say where exactly?” Loki asked as I glanced between them.

            “No, he was difficult to see, as if the gatekeeper’s sight was going from blind to not. That has never happened before, guards are alerting father.”

            “Sounds fascinating,” Loki looked from me to Thor, his green eyes intrigued more than anything.

            “No time to waste, I want to know who it is and why. We’re to bring them to father now.” Thor shifted eagerly, signalling many others.

            “If we must. Choose your warriors and let us split up.” Loki shrugged nonchalantly as Thor turned to round up Sif and the Warriors Three.

            “You are taking me with you, yes?” I tilted my head at Loki.

            “Are you truly asking?”

            “No, it was more of a statement.” I smiled sweetly at his expression.

            “Very well.”

** ** **

            Covered in snow, the forest was almost eerily silent after we all split up. I was running while snow crunched under my feet, a short blade at the ready before I smelled smoke. Looking down at the snow for any marks or footprints, I sped up and followed the smell until I reached a small hill and slid to a stop at the sight below. A banged up vehicle had crashed and overturned there and I noticed the tall body of a man in the snow on his front. Setting away my blade, I slipped down the hill and got closer without thinking when he didn’t move. My senses charged. By his clothing and broken light armored pieces, I could already tell that he was from far away.

            Curiously, I turned him over to see if he was alive. With pointed ears that stuck out, I realized that he was some kind of elven race and my lips parted in awe. His sculpted face was pointed and regal and his skin a very light grey shade, almost white, with black markings down his arms that showed through torn clothing. Tousled, dark silver hair fell long passed his broad shoulders and there were bruises on his skin. I touched his neck and found a slight pulse before I gained the ability to breathe when I realized I’d been partially frozen. His blood was dark violet and seeping from soft lips as I observed him. I had seen many races in Asgard but, I’d never seen anyone quite like him before.

            “Karliah…?” Came his breathy whisper while his eyes slightly cracked open when he coughed before he went a little still. Confused, I wanted to speak and call for the others but couldn’t find the will to yet, I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

            Without warning, his eyes moved under his eyelids before they shot open and I gasped at the large, fully black eyes that stared back at mine. Depth glimmered within them and I was lost. Before I could speak, his long hand moved to touch the side of my head. The contact sparked something in the dark pools of his gaze before his lips parted and his hand fell back into the snow. I'd felt his fingers trace the shape of my ear before out contact broke. Those bloodied lips twitched upward as his eyes closed again and my chest heaved briefly for air. Someone called my name from above and I snapped out of it to breathe at last.

            “Loki?” I swallowed and looked up at him as warriors formed at the top of the slope. “He’s alive, but hurt and in need of our care.” I watched the sorcerer look to his brother before Thor nodded and turned to Fandral.

            “Go and bring extra warriors and guards back to handle the wreckage and bring this man...elf man...to the healing room. Someone needs to report this to father as well.” Thor commanded and Fandral was off.

             “Step away from him, he is still an intruder.” Loki was moving down the hill toward me and I didn’t budge. “Did he awaken at all?”

            “Not really, no,” I found myself lying when Loki took my wrist to tug me to my feet and away from the elf.

            “He is truly alive?” Thor appeared behind Loki and looked to me before I nodded as he shifted toward the overturned vehicle that was probably just as regal as the elf once.

            “Let me look him over,” I asked before Thor spoke.

            “Until we figure why he is here, he is dangerous. I want guards watching his doors while the healers work.”

            “Besides me, there are two actual healers able to work at the moment. Elisif and Moira,” I piped up quietly. “The rest are scattered.”

            “Perhaps they should put him on the soul forge,” Loki spoke distractedly, moving his hand to hover over the elf briefly. “Not a light or dark elf. But, elf races are a many still. Perhaps he is from a colony of different mixed elf races… I’ve read about them. They jokingly refer to them as spirit elves on occasion since their society is completely independent and separate from everyone else. Advanced I hear as well, but not hostile until threatened…if I am correct, that is… My, my,” Loki bent down and eyed the elf closely, “you are far from your home.”

            “How far?” Thor inquired as I stared at Loki when he stood up.

            “Many hours, it would be. Even on the fastest vehicle we have. Some jest with words like, ‘at the end of our world.’ What I wouldn’t give to figure the magic I sense flowing underneath that skin.” The younger prince shifted forward and I moved in front of him instinctively.

            “He’s out. I’m looking him over anyways.” I kneeled down again and Loki exhaled.

            “Always the healer.”

            “I do what I can,” I replied without glancing up, my hands hovered above the wounded body. Thor was studying the vessel the elf had arrived on closely as Loki took my shoulder.

            “They’re here now, let them take him off.” He spoke and I stood after a moment when he pulled me away once more. "Good thing you found him, sweetheart." I was staring down at the elf again in wonder before I forced my gaze to Loki. “Are you well?” He whispered and I couldn’t help but lie again.

            “Yes.” I blinked. "I think so."

** ** **

            “We should have been allowed to heal him first,” I watched Elisif pace into the room, annoyed. “Instead we had to study him on the soul forge with the King for an hour. As if being short-handed here has caused us enough issues. An intruder. I did what I could.”

            “Where is he now, Elisif?” I asked, pacing away from my conversation with Moira as we waited alone in the healing room.

            “They’re bringing him back into a separate room and posting guards on his door.”

            “Did he wake up at all?”

            “No, what’s worse is that the soul forge told us next to nothing.”

            “Really?” Moira piped up. “How strange.” I opened my mouth to speak when two guards moving a floating platform came in. The elf’s body was lying across it, unmoving.

            “You found him, you can be in charge. You’re to retrieve someone when he is conscious.” Elisif waved me off, “Moira, come with me, I need your assistance. Can you handle him alone?”

            “Certainly,” I was already walking away and into the room he was in as the guards moved to close the doors behind me, leaving me alone with him. “…I hope you will be so kind as to give me answers when you wake.” Distracted, I turned only to jump when I heard a response.

            “…Of course. Perhaps you should heal me first.” Came a deep voice and I jolted so fast, I almost dropped the blanket I’d picked up for him. Those large, elvish black eyes opened and he was staring pointedly at me. "Don't look like other Asgardians in the royal province." Something moved under those glassy eyes like he had a second pair of eyelids in them and I tilted my head. “No need…to let them know I have awoken…I may not be awake long enough…for…” He coughed and I moved forward quickly to sit on the bed so I could heal him. His nose was thin and pointed while his teeth were white and rather sharp. He gazed toward the small crack in the curtain to get a look at outside. “Snow falling. No sunlight to tell what time it is. Still early, likely.” His random observations made me glance back at him as I worked. When the elf moved his wrists, he looked down in question. “Wounded. Shackled to a bed. Is this how your people treats all of its humble guests?”

            “We don’t know you, nor do we know if you’re truly humble, sir.”

            “Respectful. Calm. Yet, shaken hands betray you.” He mused softly, eyes threatening to close and I shifted, closing my fingers briefly. “Formalities are not necessary." This elf stared steadily through my soul to observe me and his voice was so hushed and gentle. Beckoning. "What do they call you?” When I told him my name, he repeated it and looked at my hair for a long moment. “From the forest.”

            “That…was me…” I cleared my throat, focusing on my hands glowing as I healed minor bruises. “What is your name?”

            “I am called, Nerien.” He spoke, his weak tone carrying some kind of accent I’ve never heard before in the many I’ve witnessed on Asgard.

            “Well, Nerien, let me see if I can make you healthy soon.”

            “Why are you not running to inform your King of my wake, since you long for answers?”

            “They put off healing you for too long,” reluctantly, I met his gaze, “and when I leave, you’re going to close your eyes and rest…and then wake  _for the first time_  in a few hours. I’ll let them know then.”

            “Is lying a habit of yours?”

            “When I think I’m doing the right thing.” My lip upturned wistfully as I checked his bare abdomen over and stood to grab the blanket. “Does anything else hurt? I can get you a tonic to help.”

            “Grateful. But, unnecessary.” His eyes somehow managed to cut into me, far more than Loki’s as I couldn’t quite tell what the black orbs were focused on fully. Somehow, I believed he could see everything in that case. I covered him and he spoke when I leaned over. “So you believe lying could, in fact, be the right thing on occasion?”

            “Suppose I’m still trying to figure that. I know I  _shouldn’t_  lie. But, that doesn’t stop me.” I paused, hesitant as I stood a little taller. “What do you think?”

            “It often can be what keeps us alive, if just for a little longer.” Nerien blinked again and I saw the second set of lids move under his eyes once more. Lowering my gaze, I watched his fingers stretch out toward me before they curled and I swallowed. Too many questions touched my mind.

            “I should let you rest. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

            “Why? Shifting steps. Hesitant.  _Obviously_  still curious.”

            “Right now, you need rest more than I need answers. Sorry your introduction wasn't better. They're especially wary of outsiders when the gatekeeper is...” I paused, swallowing. "Just rest."

            “Very well. Rest now then. Curious Asgardian will get her answers later.”

            “Curious Asgardian will be back in a few hours.” I smiled a little, my eyes lowering. “I’ll see if I can get them to remove the cuffs then and give you some suitable clothing.” The elf nodded, setting his head against the pillow.

            “The vessel I flew here on. My things.”

            “I’m sure I’ll know more about that later as well.”

            “Many thanks.”

** ** **

            “You’ve a sudden interest in the elves?” Loki peered over the book in my hand before I snapped it shut.

            “Just trying to learn more about our guest since I’m to be his healer now.” I explained and leaned back as he sat across from me, the library  was empty. “Does your father think he is a threat?”

            “Father is wary but open right now. He mostly wishes for the elf to awaken and give us some answers. They found some curious articles and weapons on the vessel but nothing that seems to allude to the fact that he wishes to destroy us. Mostly drawn maps, books, clothing, blades, and other personal items. Seemed to be moving somewhere and fast. He could be a fugitive but, Heimdall reports nothing out of the ordinary both in our land and in his.”

            “There isn’t much in this book on his people, do you know anything else?”

            “Not much. Just what I stated earlier, I’m afraid.” Loki eyed me a moment. “Races such as his work hard to preserve their cultures. Why do you have such a growing interest in our guest?”

            “I’ve never met anyone like him.” I smiled coolly. “Could be a chance to learn new things.”

            “I’m sure you’ll be very happy together, if he wakes.”

            “Oh,  _hush_.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms as he clasped his hands together on the table.

            “You could try waking him with true love’s kiss,” Loki went on and teased me as I snickered lightly.

            “Or I could give you true love’s kick down the stairs.”

            “So violent lately,  _little beast_ ,” he smirked at me.

            “You bring it out of me,  _sweetheart_.” I smiled sincerely and he narrowed his eyes before shaking his head. “You and I both know you’re curious as well. I saw you earlier, not able to keep your eyes off him. Such longing. I should really be the jealous one.”

            “Yes, well, I’ll send you an invitation to our wedding.”

            “That commitment is a huge step,” I shrugged.

            “I’m committed to  _you_.” Loki countered, his eyebrow raised. “How many years has it been?”

            “I thought you were keeping count,” I leaned forward, amused.

            “Well, when do you think I committed myself to you?” Loki asked and I smiled again, setting my chin on my hand.

            “I don’t know, sometime after I told you my name probably.” My gaze met his and he sat back a bit, his shoulders relaxing before his lips quirked up at me.

            “Probably, sweetheart.”

** ** **

            “I’m supposed to lead you into the throne room with the guards. They told me that they will leave the cuffs off if you walk with them cooperatively.” I paused as the elf tried to sit up with some fatigue. “Are you well enough for this?”

            “Fine now. Desire to be out of these cuffs. Will happily speak to your king.”

            “I managed to let them give me some of your belongings.” I set a large brown bag on the bed and another larger bag on the floor then stepped back. “They told me that they went through your things and the vessel but didn’t take anything.”

            “My vehicle. How is it?”

            “It didn’t look well when I saw it, I’m sure the king can tell you more.” I responded carefully and he observed me so I turned.

            “Do you fear your king or love him?” Nerien’s words caused me stop on the way to the door. Was this a question I gave genuine thought to?

            “Odin is a good and wise king.” I tilted my face, shifting to face him while I clasped my hands over my skirts.

            “Slyly jumps around questions. Likely gets away with it.” He observed. “May I request a better reply?”

            “You may,” I swallowed and stepped more toward him; my eyes flickering to his as he sat up, watching me. “I believe in our king very much but I also know that he is not one I’d mess with ever. He always does what is best for Asgard. Sometimes that takes a toll. We pledged to protect the realms as gods of valor and war. But, it's a harsh life at times. The court is mostly just but some his advisers and Elders hold...onto ways many of my generation does not agree with. We seek to change it. I wish...”

            "Please, speak your mind." He coaxed.

            "I know it's not easy but I wish our King did more to keep such privileged, malicious voices from speaking over the rest of us."

            “What if you find your leaders are wrong? Should you see corruption among the high ones, do you stop it?”

            “Yes.” I replied. “Of course.”

            “Can you still love and believe in leaders, yet still see their shortcomings?”

            “Love is about also seeing shortcomings. As I understand it now,” I watched his eyes appear to flicker over me. Nerien was so full of odd questions and blunt statements, I wasn’t sure how I felt, but I was still standing here indulging him.

            “Yes. It is.” He agreed. “How does one bring themselves to love a corrupt leader?”

            “I suppose you shouldn’t.” I paused. "I would want to stop it."

            “You see corruption; does one still go on lying to keep their own life?”

            “Perhaps, you do what you can to expose it while keeping everyone else safe as best you can.  I'm just wishful thinking. I'd keep my loved ones out of it completely and attempt it myself. But, I think I can be...hotheaded. I suppose there is no safe way no matter what course of action you take.”

            “No.” He stated evenly. “No, there is not. They will get hurt and what can one do then?”

            “What would  _you_  do?” I asked without thinking, my brow furrowing.

            “Expose the corruption and avenge them. Does the curious Asgardian have a taste for vengeance or is your  _noble_  blood far above it?”

            “Noble? Not nearly." I hitched an entertained sigh. "The curious Asgardian would not want to admit it out loud to the mysterious Asgardian elf.”

            “Must know what true love is then.” Nerien appeared to be intrigued; amused even as his gaze flickered away briefly. I felt like I was being tested. “Must have seen much of it and understood it to arrive at such a conclusion. It isn’t possible to understand the lengths one would go through to protect until they’ve had a taste of what they’re protecting.”

            “Putting love and vengeance on the same field may seem a little extreme.”

            “Does it seem that way to you?” He asked smoothly and I found myself shaking my head, eyes unreadable as my voice went flat.

            “Not really, no. Not to me anymore.” I paused. “You called me curious…and you seem rather curious as well.”

            “Never met an northern Asgardian before. Asgardian elves are…separated. You’ve not asked your questions. Thought I would start with mine. Like to know how you work.”

            “I’m not sure if I can speak for the rest of the north most Asgardians. I've never...” _Gods, it was like I was close to telling him my life story._

            “Fit in? I have seen.” Nerien’s reply caught my interest but I decided not to ask now, I needed to let the guards in before we were late. So, I nodded and turned robotically to open the door.

** ** **

            “Your father didn’t let me stay when he questioned Ner-…my patient. Do you know what happened?” I watched Loki round the table in my room as I closed the balcony doors.

            “They will likely let you know tomorrow when you go the healing room to see  _your patient_.”

            “Or you could be my sweet, lovely prince and tell me since they let you in and shut the door on me.” I stated kindly and Loki chuckled at me.

            “He seems to be traveling for knowledge gaining purposes and because some of his people have taken ill. It was only Odin, some guard, Thor, and I there. No court advisers or Elders, which was appreciated. Though...Erikur has been questioning father endlessly about meeting the elf. Odd, considering he hated them. The elf is a powerful sorcerer and his race is very much advanced, from what we’ve seen of that barge he flew here on. Father allowed him to stay under certain restrictions while he heals and has his vehicle repaired so he can be on his way. I believe father is having him stay in the room they gave him for safety purposes. You spoke to the elf, what did he say to you?”

            “His name is Nerien and…he just seemed  _curious_  about Asgardians on this side. The royal province.”

            “So, it is  _Nerien_  now, I did not realize you’ve become such good friends.” Loki approached me and tilted his head as I reached up to straighten his collar, my fingers grasping at his clothing before they trailed down.

            “He’s my patient and partially my responsibility until Elisif decides otherwise. And I try to call others by their names when I learn them, you should try that.” The prince leaned toward me, his hands finding my arms before he rubbed circles into my skin with his thumbs.

            “I shall just have to work extra hard to erase all names but mine from your lips tonight.”

            “Oh, I see. How do you plan on doing that? My memory is rather good.” I smiled when my face heated, my eyes shifting to his lips.

            “A great and true sorcerer never reveals his master plan until it is the perfect time to do so.”

** ** **

            “Imagine my surprise, I go to check on my only patient…only to find him gone from his room.” I crossed my arms, entering the dim room of the archives where I’d found Nerien. He seemed to be busying away with the hologram emitting from the floor. The lights formed a map of the land as he zoomed in and out of it by moving his hands. The elf didn’t turn to me, one of his arms folded behind his back while he stood at full height, looking taller than both Thor and Loki to me.

            “Worried you? Apologies. Allowed me full range of your public archives. Fascinating. Much like our people, I shall admit.” He chuckled. “But…not quite.”

            “You know the technology well?” I rounded the image carefully and stood across from him as he peered down at a replica of Asgard's palace.

            “Quite familiar.” He flicked his hand and the map grew, lights going through us both until it covered the room, brighting it. I looked around as the sky formed above us when Nerien walked around to observe. “Ah, the famous bifrost. The gatekeeper possesses a sight my people would covet. Impressive. I've not seen the bridge up close.”

            “I cannot imagine being Heimdall.” I replied softly before I turned. “May I ask my questions now? I’d rather not bother you during your…studies.”

            “I gave the curious Asgardian my word that I would answer her queries.” Nerien looked at me through the bright lights and blinked. "Mostly here to kill time until my vehicle is repaired."

            “What are your people like?” I asked finally and his lip twitched up before he took down the hologram.

            “You practice magic, correct? Can sense it in you.”

            “Yes.”

            “Then allow me to show you.” Yellow light emitted from his hands before illusions took shape and the room changed. I was in a massive structure with a crystalline dome over top. Figures of different elves moved past like shades and I looked to Nerien. No two elves looked alike. Some looked even identical to beings on our side, save for the ears. “My people have lived separate from the other lands since the beginning of time. We had no need to indulge outside of society. We…We had each other. We started as dwindling remnants of our own kind and came together to create something new. Mixed and beautiful. The beacon drew us.”

            “What is this place? What beacon?” I looked up again. Sunlight appeared to stream in through the glass, bathing the room in colored lights.

            “Within our own palace. Breath-taking, is it not? Suppose I’ve become an adviser of sorts for our leader. Our noble families have worked side by side for generations. My ancestor once saved the two youngest sons of the king at the time from certain death long ago and the rest was history.” At the center of the room was a large, sphere-shaped object, looking both like a ball of magic and a giant crystal. My eyes were drawn to the sunset colors within and soft glow emitting off it before I glanced back at Nerien. “Our people are peaceful and wished to live harmoniously with the other lands, which most have non-verbally agreed to as we cause no quarrels. We are about protection and defense to chaotic or aggressive outsiders forcing themselves in for selfish pursuits of power. We needed to preserve what we had. We are advanced, yet we’ve nothing the rest out the leaders could possibly seek or…gain if they tried.”

            “What is that?” I pointed to the sphere. “Is that a source of power?”

            “Many seem to think so, yet it is merely a life-force for our preservation. The beacon. The first of us came to and it granted us new life. Metamorphosis. It would do no good to any land but ours. It is meant for our prosperity and protection. This we knew.”

            “Must be difficult to convince enemies of that.”

            “Hm. It is.” Nerien replied softly, his voice so deep. “The power my people possess is something that cannot simply be taken, it comes from within each of us. A gift to give, not take. It lives inside all of us.”

            “How do you mean?” I turned slowly to face him fully as some of the illusion faded.

            “Our people possess deep roots to one’s thoughts and feelings, simply put. Their souls.”

            “It doesn’t sound simple.”

            “It is not.” Nerien tilted his head at me. “Does the subject interest you, or do you have other places to be?”

            “I…” I swallowed. “I would like to know more.”

            “Very well.” The elf stepped through the dim illusions around us and toward me. “Do you feel empathy with those around you?”

            “I…try.”

            “Try? Do you?”

            “I do.” I confessed. "Sometimes more than I can handle."

            “Empathy, per se, is at the very root of my race. Our power and our burden. Too much empathy can break one into a weak mind and a weak mind cannot feel too much empathy. But, it runs far deeper than that. Even now, I can see colors around you as you move. Colors around your people as I pass them.”

            “You can…what?”

            “We possess eyes that do much more than gaze at the outer world. When we are strong, we can see the very powerful emotions one is feeling. They shift within your soul. With touch, we can feel them as if they were our own.”

            “Like reading an aura?”

            “If you wish to put it that way, correct.”

            “Can…you see mine?”

            “Yours was the first. Many colors attempt to overshadow the deep colors right here,” he pointed a long, clawed finger at my heart and smirked, “but not quite. Your fear comes down the shoulders and out the hands very easily. Do I frighten you now?”

            “No.” I shook my head.

            “Many half-truths.” He observed.

            “I don’t know how to feel,” I shrugged and Nerien beamed at that.

            “It shows. Colors fight to dominate. Crying out and twisting every single way. They want to touch others but you hold them inside. And others seek out to touch you. Must be exhausting.” He looked down at me as I peered away.  _It is_ , I wanted to comment. “Another example. Your mate.”

            “My…mate…? Oh, you mean Loki? How did you-?”

            “Before I went in to speak with your King, the prince approached you. Watched the scene. Forgive the intrusion.” The elf went on casually. “He has a deep color in his heart as well. Went brighter when he looked at you.” I lifted my eyes back up at that. “However, there are many damp and dull colors in his mind that threaten to travel downward and poison the rest. The mind can persuade itself to enact horrors the heart cannot handle. Do you understand?”

            “I…I think I do.”

            “I believe you do as well.” Nerien nodded once. “The elder prince has the deepest, vibrant colors and many of them. Must be careful. Too many uncontrolled deep colors can lead too poor or rash decisions. Needs his brother to balance him out.”

            “I agree,” I looked at the floor briefly.

            “Our sight, you could say, invades our other senses. The body’s senses work together just as the heart and mind do. Interesting, how a concept can seem rather complicated but narrow itself into simplicity if one is willing to try to work through it. Few are.”

            “When we met,” I piped up quietly, “did you see me then?”

            “Not immediately. Too weak. I had to reach out.”

            “You…You called me by a name… Karliah. Who-”

            “Imagine I did. Honest mistake. You’ve hair like her.” Nerien paused for a moment. “My race loves a variety of ways with no bounds on gender, nor petty politics. Just as yours but, I sense many of you hide still because of these old ways you're still purging. Karliah. My great love. Passed when the sickness took hold. She was our best engineer. Ran deep within her family.”

            “I am sorry.”

            “You allowed me a perfect moment in the snow to forget and pretend. In truth, I should be grateful.”

            “But, doesn’t it just hurt more when you wake up and realize the reality?”

            “Pain is not avoidable either way. Important as well. Don’t you agree?” Nerien’s ebony eyes stared carefully at me before I nodded slowly.

            “As long as one learns from it. Then, it can be the best teacher we have. Isn't always fair.”

            “May I?” He held out his hand to me and I stared at it. “Feeling pain is inevitable and unfortunately necessary in time, but the most important part is what one does with it.” I nodded once more, not moving my hand. “I desire to see fully what you have done with yours.” Something told me he already knew what he was getting into and what he would see.

            “Why?”

            “ _Why_?” The elf seemed to chuckle. “Why do you stand here? Why do you indulge a stranger? Something in common, yes? Simple curiosity. Hope for understanding.” I was staring up at his eyes now, my brow furrowing before I managed a final nod when my lips barely parted and I reached out to take his hand. Nerien inhaled sharply before he covered my hand with his other one and I couldn’t tear my gaze from his as his eyes searched. With my hand engulfed easily in his larger ones, I could feel the sharp nails on each of his blackened fingertips digging into my flesh lightly. Nerien lifted one hand off mine and I still made no move when he touched the side of my face, fingers shifting toward my temple. The light from outside caught his silvery hair and I saw a dark tear run slowly down his sharp face. His thumb rubbed a circle into my skin while the tip of his pointed finger traced over the shell of my ear. Carefully, the elf let me go and I released the breath I’d been holding as my chest concaved a little. “Thank you…” he whispered my name so softly. “Thank you.” I tried to form words but the door swung open and I jolted to full attention.

            “There you are, I almost went to the gatekeeper,” Loki paced in and looked at the elf then to me. “What are you doing in here?”

            “The lady was seeking out her missing patient,” Nerien replied smoothly and I nodded. “Apologies.” He held out his hand for Loki and I swallowed as the prince merely stared at it before his lip instead curled up.

            “I am afraid that you cannot possess the lady much longer. She is very much needed elsewhere now,” Loki set a hand on the small of my back while Nerien dropped his arm.

            “Forgive me. We do not, how you stated… _possess_  women, nor men, where I am from. Consider it to be near abuse. Any form of abuse is highly distasteful for that matter, not matter how small it might seem. Maltreatment is an uncivil violation and a disgusting act against any being.” He recited his words like a code. “Would you not agree?”

            “The rest of Asgard feels the same,” Loki’s gaze hardened.

            “So certain?” Nerien commented offhandedly before he flickered his gaze to me and Loki went rigid. Instead the elf changed the subject. “Kind of her to  _choose_  to indulge me in conversation. Would appreciate further discussions. Lucky she chose you for a mate.”

            “ _Yes_. I am.” Loki smiled tightly.

            “Do you find yourself appreciating what you have in this land, Prince Loki?” Nerien went on and I felt Loki stiffening up next to me even more. “I imagine so. Privileged and powerful Asgardian with an ideal mate…and a brother to take the burden of the throne. Such gifts. Take time to look around, yes?”

            “I believe that they will have your vessel up and running soon so you can get on your  _merry_  way,” the prince’s eye twitched but he stayed poised. “I’m certain this side of Asgard must bore you.”

            “Such discomfort I’ve caused you,” Nerien stated then, his eyes trying to burn into Loki’s but he still wasn’t letting down. His own gaze seared right back. I was torn between feeling uncomfortable and rolling my eyes.

            “You are quite mistaken.” The prince’s posture was so perfectly straight, he could have been tipped over if pushed. Which Nerien decided to do as he observed Loki and elaborated.

            “No? Hm. Possessive nature. Disheartened and quite somber. Hides it under a thin veil along with pure inferiority.” Nerien tilted his head and blinked. “Ah, jealousy. I see. Perhaps, I will return to my studies as to not further your negative feelings in front of the woman you love. Good day, Prince Loki.” The elf turned back to the hologram briskly and went on with his work. My jaw could have dropped.

            "Look, let's not-" I was cut off.

            “ _Pardon?_  As our  _honored_   _guest_ , you should be aware of your place here.” Loki stepped forward but I took his wrist. I felt him go rigid in my grasp and prepared for him to rip away from me but Loki turned his head and paused completely when he met my eyes.

            “We have to go now. I’ll see you in the healing room later,” I spoke finally, my eyes still locked on Loki’s and Nerien nodded, not turning.

            “Looking forward to it.”

            “Come on,” I tugged at Loki and got him to leave with me as the doors shut behind us.

            “Who does that pompous, pointy, little-?”

            “ _Stop_ ,” I about groaned, shaken up.

            “I understand that he is your  _little patient_ , but you’re under no obligation to engage that pretentious, insolent elf in conversation,” Loki seethed and I got him to stop in the next empty hallway. “What did you tell him about you?” He whispered heatedly, his accusing eyes finding mine again before I shook my head.

            “Nothing, really. He...has a sense for things.”

            “Are you  _certain_  because he looked at you as if he-?”

            “I..I didn’t. Don’t you dare start anything with him after that. Let them fix his vehicle and he'll go.” I stood in taller front of Loki and his lips parted.

            “ _Me?_  He was the one who-!”

            “ _Loki_ … He’s just here for a few days and then he’ll be gone. He's... I'm... It's like he knows me. It, ah, doesn't matter. I think I'm just on edge. Sorry.” I touched his shoulder to relax him carefully. “What did you need me for?” He appeared to cool down and his tone changed, growing quieter.

            “We’ve bigger problems than that elf,” Loki looked around and took my wrist before he led me off.

            “What do you mean?” I asked and his voice lowered to a whisper.

            “I mean that father fell into Odinsleep, without warning. It took him so suddenly.”

            “What?” I stopped him and he nodded.

            “Not long ago. We need mother back from Vanaheim so in a few hours, the Elders will likely decide to send someone to inform her so she can return, if word has not traveled there already. Elisif is with him. They cannot reverse it.” Loki was leading me toward the room with the fire pit where our friends met. The Warriors Three and Sif all sat around the fire when I greeted them and seated myself next to Fandral. “Where is Thor?” Loki stood behind me and placed an idle hand on my shoulder.

            “On his way,” Sif replied.

            “Was the King expecting an Odinsleep?” Volstagg piped up.

            “Not that we know of, he was fine yesterday. Had either of them known and planned for it, mother would have not left when she did,” Loki replied evenly as the doors burst open and Thor paced in with heavy steps. He did not look happy.

            “Retrieving Mother is no longer an option,” he began.

            “Why?” Fandral furrowed his brow and exchanged looks with Hogun next to him.

            “The bifrost is no longer functioning and Heimdall is unwell. I flew there to speak with him and he suddenly began retching violently. The fool refuses to leave his post! He requires medical care. I have already sent word to the warriors and your friend, Moira, in the healing room but I…” Thor spotted me and paced over purposefully when he got an idea. “I’ll take a healer to him instead.”

            “Thor, you cannot expose her to whatever the gatekeeper may have. After what happened last year to her.” Loki moved next to me but, I stood up from my seat.

            “No, no, it’s fine. It didn’t affect Thor, it won’t affect me. Let’s go,” I nodded and moved to follow Thor out.

            “Wait,” Loki persisted, stopping us.

            “We need the gatekeeper well, he has never suddenly taken ill before,” Hogun observed.

            “Get me to the nearest horse and I’ll go see him,” I added and Thor almost looked amused.

            “We won’t require a horse.” The elder prince took my arm and pulled me off with Loki following.

            “Thor, you will not dare put her in harm’s way!”

            “If you could fly, I would allow you to do it.” Thor replied, not looking at his brother. Loki took my free arm and stopped me before he unclasped the fur-lined cloak.

            “Put this on at least before you freeze. Honestly, you forgot your cloak in your chambers and believed I would allow you to go out flying like that.”

            “Well, I didn’t think I’d be flying today, sorry.” I raised an eyebrow before I reached out to give his hand a squeeze. “We’ll be back with news soon.”

            “Take care of the situation here and I will have her back to you in one piece,” Thor quickly tugged me toward him, his arm going around my waist firmly and Loki let out a sound of annoyance.

            “Hurry then, damn it.”

            “See you soon,” I looked at Loki and offered him a slight smile as Thor spun Mjolnir and took off without warning me. Yelping, I clung to him when cold wind whipped around my face when we flew over Asgard, the white snow covering everything and it would have looked peaceful if my heart wasn’t pounding. Loki disappeared from sight and Thor raced us toward the bifrost within a matter of seconds. I noticed immediately that the lights were out and the bright colors of the rainbow bridge had gone dull. Stumbling as I was set down, I jogged in with Thor to see Heimdall standing at the front, slightly hunched when he braced himself against the wall of the dome and looked out at the sky. “Heimdall?” I spoke and he turned toward me to meet my eyes.

            “I’m surprised your brother is not enjoying this,” he tried to stand tall while he looked to Thor. “If he cannot find joy then we all must really be in a bad place.”

            “What do you see?” Thor spoke.

            “See?” Heimdall’s eyes searched and he seemed weak so I moved forward.

            “Heimdall, you clearly need the healing room now,” I tried. "Come with us."

            “I will not leave my post while the King is in Odinsleep and the Queen is away,” Heimdall replied. “Asgard is vulnerable.”

            “The Elders will make Thor acting King, now you need the healing room,” I attempted again.

            “Is that what you truly believe?” Heimdall stumbled forward and tried to speak but gagged before he turned and vomited over the side of the observatory.

            “Thor! Get assistance here to bring him to the healing room,” I jolted. Thor moved to catch Heimdall when he tumbled backwards, his helmet falling off.

            “My friend, we need you well,” Thor eased Heimdall to the floor so I kneeled down. “I’ll be back soon.” I nodded without looking at Thor so he moved to go quickly. Hovering my hand over Heimdall, I tried to soothe the pain and couldn’t figure out what was going on.

            “You’ll be alright, we will get you to the healing room,” I spoke and met his golden eyes as he curled his arms over his stomach, clenching his fists. “I don’t…I don’t know what this is…” I paused, my voice quieting. “You cannot see much now, can you?”

            “I can see that…there is a storm coming for Asgard.” Heimdall’s eyes closed briefly.

            “What do we do?” I asked hopelessly, my brow furrowing.

            “Remember who the true enemy is… Make the rest of them remember as well.” In truth, I had no idea who that was now.

            Heimdall’s golden eyes turned black before he fell unconscious.

** ** **

            “Sorry, I’m late,” I removed my gloves before I entered the pub and looked up at Loki. Everyone was talking animatedly behind him as he brushed snow off of my shoulders. Thor brought many warriors together for a meeting, hours later. Outside, the sky grew darker. He was sitting at a large round table with Sif to his left and the Warriors Three across from him. Many more warriors were sitting around the pub with their drinks discussing today’s events.

            “Has Heimdall said much else?” Thor called, quieting everyone and I meekly shook my head when several pairs of eyes went to me.

            “Uh, Moira is with him…while Elisif tends to the King in Frigga’s place,” I stated softly. “The rest of the healers are with Frigga or scattered elsewhere in Asgard. Can't reach them.” Comments ensued as Loki pressed me forward toward the empty bar area behind Thor where we stood.

            “Quiet!” Thor called attention again. “I am acting king and in charge now.”

            “Technically, my prince, that is incorrect,” a smaller warrior piped up and Thor whipped his head around.

            “Mother and Father are not here so the line of succession falls to  _me_ ,” Thor insisted.

            “The line of succession  _would_  fall to you, yes. But, you’ve not been  _granted_  the role of acting king by anyone,” Loki cut in before anyone could speak. “It is not your right. Father is in Odinsleep. Mother is not here to act as queen regent over you. When the King and Queen are not around, the Council watches the throne. It is still a law and they have not been able to erase it. All of which means-”

            “The Elders are most in charge now.” Fandral finished, leaning back in his chair as Volstagg took a long drink next to him.

            “The Elders have not allowed you to be acting king?” Hogun spoke and everyone looked to Thor.

            “Well…no, but-” Scattered whispers cut over him and he slapped his hand on the table. “I am still acting king of this meeting!”

            “The Elders had a meeting of their own earlier, did they not even allow you in?” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

            “I didn’t see you attempting to  _charm_  your way in, brother.”

            “You’re bigger than all eleven Elders put together and they held a secret meeting without you,” Loki countered before Thor stood abruptly, his chair skidding across the floor. I grabbed at Loki’s bicep in an attempt to pull him back.

            “Do not quarrel now, we’ve bigger issues,” Sif cut in smoothly and Thor exhaled sharply.

            “She’s right…” I voiced quietly. “Even without his sight, Heimdall knew that something bad was headed our way. He warned me.”

            “And we’ve the lovely Elders to look to for guidance,” a sarcastic, younger warrior added before Thor sat down and went on.

            “The bifrost mysteriously ceases to function, Heimdall is unwell, mother cannot return, father fell into Odinsleep with little warning.” Thor glanced at Loki behind him, his voice deep. “What would you call that, brother?”

            “ _Convenient_.” Loki smirked widely and stepped closer to the table while he looked around the pub. “You are all forgetting one  _tiny_  detail. Our problems did not arise until that elf crash landed here.” More utters began and Thor stood a little straighter as I shook my head but the older prince spoke first.

            “Where is he now?”

            “Back in the healing room where they take his meals,” I replied quickly, “there are guards posted at his doors. …We don’t know if-”

            “We could put him in prison until we get answers,” Herlof piped up, my eyes slid behind me to harden at him. I shook my head again before anyone else could speak.

            “None of you understand, Nerien is powerful.” My voice grew firm. “He’ll see you coming a mile away and if…” I trailed off when I realized everyone was staring again.

            “Go on,” Thor encouraged.

            “If we act suddenly without cause or a plan, everything will only get worse,” I finished before adding reluctantly. “And…we don’t know if he is the enemy here…”

            “You’re defending  _it_. Figures, you’re his healer, bet you’re all cozy with the elf now,” Herlof’s words caused my temper to flare.  _Who keeps inviting this man?_  “How do we know she isn’t hiding anything?!”

            “My friend, I would rethink those words, unless you wish for me to rearrange your internal organs without lifting a finger,” Loki stepped in front of me and smiled charmingly.

            “Going soft because some wench opens her legs. Bet she opened them for the elf too like she did for me.” Herlof snidely remarked and I snapped, lunging toward him but, Loki turned and caught me half over his shoulder as many Asgardians stood to yank Herlof away. Chaos rumbled the entire pub around me.

            “He can’t keep getting away with this! I'd sooner hack my legs to bits before I opened them for you!” I clawed and fought. I was so angry, everything about this was just so  _unfair_. He got away talking to me like this with nothing constantly. I couldn’t take it. Loki would probably have loved to let me go but managed to hold me in place instead. “Let me at him!” I kicked and Loki held me tighter as the people around us shouted and struggled when the tension thickened. “Alright, I’m fine. Let me down…” I let out a breath as Loki set me down before I tried to dive past him again instantly. Unfazed, his arms went around my waist and yanked me against his torso.

            “Did you  _really_  believe I’d fall for that?” Loki exhaled while I clawed and kicked like an animal, all my warrior’s grace gone. “Now, now; we mustn’t gouge out the eyes of our enemies until it is the right time.” Volstagg had stopped Fandral when he stood and Hogun barely managed to stop Sif as Thor belted to quiet us all when more shouting began.

            “Enough!” Everyone froze and looked to the elder prince. “Leave, now! Return with some shred of respect for my friend and your fellow warrior. Guards will be at your door if you continue this behavior.” He pointed and Herlof, along with a few others exited the pub.

            “Should you speak ill of her again, I will show you how  _some wench_  cuts down her enemies!” Sif was still going off before she quieted, her back perfectly straight and surprise washed over me slightly as a few whispers piped up around us. Only Loki heard my next thought.

            “I am going to tear him apart one day,” I struggled quietly until the prince released me.

            “One day, yes.” He turned me to take my shoulders, his voice hushed as Thor quieted everyone once more. “Until then, patience.” Sif looked at me with an expression of total understanding and I pressed my lips together before I nodded and she did so in return. If I could be more like anyone, I would probably want to be more like Sif.

            “About the elf,” Thor began, “besides father, you’re the only one to speak with him in depth. If he is dangerous, we should act.”

            “Oh, he’s dangerous,” I agreed finally and people around me tensed. “If you’re his enemy, he’s dangerous…but, honestly, I’m not sure who his enemy is, if he has one here. Right now, he’s civil with us. Please…don’t fight him now until you know more.” My words caused Loki to narrow his gaze but he didn’t say anything about it.

            “The fact remains that you are his healer and have reasons to truly, approach him… Are you opposed to watching over your new friend as we figure this?” Thor asked finally as the warriors looked from him to me.

            “You’re requesting that she spy on a potentially dangerous enemy alone? She will not do that,” Loki objected instantly.

            “I am asking  _her_ , not you, brother.” Thor spoke. “She is not alone. We both know that.”

            “I…” I swallowed but nodded carefully. "Yes, I can do that if it keeps this at bay."

            “Try not to let it out that Asgard is vulnerable,” Sif added.

            “Perhaps the Elders will make you acting king tomorrow, after further deliberation,” Volstagg shrugged.

            “I would not count on that,” Loki responded before Thor could and I shifted a bit.

            “What damage can the Elders truly do over the week that Odin sleeps? They cannot make brash commands or change laws without King Odin.” Fandral shrugged.

            “The Elders advise, they do not lead. And many of them give advice wrapped in years of old ways and other various negative feelings. They make decisions based on vote and guess what side usually wins? They are not people we should look to, especially while Asgard is as it is now. They strive to keep us in line and we all know it,” Loki replied evenly.

            “Loki is right,” Thor added, “we’ve all had our share of disagreements with the Elders.”

            “ _Disagreements_  that end with you tossing the dinner table out of the palace,” Loki elaborated.

            “Or you putting a live, mad chicken under their serving dish,” Thor countered and Loki smirked, looking proud as he glanced at me before speaking.

            “Believe me, that was well deserved.”

            “Just as well, you both might have to actually behave for the next few days,” Fandral crossed his arms.

            “See if you can get into their meetings as well, they cannot just leave the princes out. You both still have rank.” Sif looked at Thor and leaned forward.

            “Until father awakens, I want all of you on guard,” Thor stood with many following. “That elf is here for a reason and I want to know why.”

            “As much as I may even enjoy it, you cannot go beating it out of him, brother,” Loki spoke when Thor appeared agitated. “Ignore your habits for once, yes?”

            “Monitor him, so I won’t have to. I’m going to see Heimdall once more,” Thor glanced at me before bidding us farewell and most of the warriors followed him out.

            “Come with me,” Loki pulled me out into the snow while I adjusted the cloak he’d given me around my shoulders. “I want you carrying concealed weapons with you at all times, even in the healing room.”

            “Already do,” I shrugged. “Nerien is obviously smart, I’ll talk to him as usual and try not to give him a reason to be threatened either. Loki, something in me wants to trust him.”

            “Why?” Loki paused to face me. “Why are you defending this  _person_  you just met? What, he shares some wise words and suddenly you put your trust in him?”

            “No, it isn’t that and you know I’m wary to trust anyone. He is...it feels like he's trying to tell me something important. I just think,” I paused and realized it, “I don’t know what I think yet.” I don’t know if Nerien had forced his way into my head or if I let him willingly or a bit of both. What frightened me is that him being in my head hadn’t frightened me yet.

            “In that case, do not let yourself fall prey to whatever enemy will come. You are stronger than that.” Loki caught himself. "I do not mean that thinking you-"

            “You know that I won’t,” I stared at him a moment before he turned to go with me following.

            “If he asks, Asgard is perfectly fine and as strong as ever,” Loki muttered before he added. “ _Jealous_. He thought I was jealous. I’ve no-”

            “Loki,” I stopped him. “It’s fine. Leave that out of your head. If I wanted to leave you for a powerful and advanced elf, I would have ages ago. All right?” I offered him a soft smile and took his hand. We passed the quiet marketplace, empty now with the darkened sky above painted in stars. Snow crunched under our feet as we walked over the grounds and to the palace. Loki went quiet and I decided not to say anything until we climbed the steps into the palace and made it back to his chambers. He pulled off my borrowed cloak wordlessly and hung it up with the rest of his. I watched him move toward the window and pause to look at the cold sky outside once more.

            “Ironic really, snow is meant to be peaceful, yet it merely reminds Asgard of war.”

            “We’re always told to survive the winter,” I shifted behind him and touched his spine, my hands sliding to his waist before he took them and tugged my arms around him. Our fingers laced as I pressed my cheek against his shoulder when my body went up along his back fully. “We’re never told to worry about summer, or fall, or spring.”

            “Think we should be worried all seasons?” He jested lightly.

            “I think bad things can happen all seasons. At least we’re warned about winter.”

            “I don’t want you around that elf.” My prince stated finally.

            “I already told them I would keep speaking with him and I have to be his healer either way,” I explained softly, kissing Loki’s jaw before he turned and released my hands. “I’m not worried about me-”

            “Do not-”

            “Everything else is too important and I’m really not worried about myself-”

            “ _I am_!” Loki cut over me, his hands balling into fists and I flinched. He noticed and dropped his hands immediately, his brow furrowing as he lowered his gaze to the floor. “I am… I frightened you, forgive me. My anger is not directed toward you. Not one bit. Last year...I still think about that sickness. It almost took you from me. I'll never let that happen again.” The prince fiddled with his fingers for a moment and set his jaw before I shifted forward to slide my arms around his back, pressing my head to his chest. Loki’s arms hung there a moment before he wrapped them around my shoulders, one hand surging into my hair.

            “I’m going to be fine,” I insisted, tilting my head to look up at him. “Give your favorite student some credit. I think about it too. I do.” I pressed my lips together and offered him a weak smile.

            “You are my only student still.”

            “Well, then I know I’m your favorite.”

            “You are also freezing,” Loki stretched out his arm behind me and flicked his hand, a fire starting in the fireplace.

            “Are you changing the subject?” I crossed my arms while he passed me and moved toward the fire, beckoning me closer after.

            “You’re one to speak of that,” he countered and, to be honest, I couldn’t argue with that one bit.

            “ _Still_ ,” I tightened my arms and tilted my chin up defiantly when he held out a hand for me.

            “Are you going to sit by the fire or freeze there?” Loki quirked up an eyebrow and I puffed some air from my lungs.

            “I’m not cold,” I turned my head and heard his soft sounds of amusement before an unseen force pushed me forward abruptly, causing me to let out a cry and stumble into him.

            “I realize you desire me so,” Loki began as he caught me, “but you must allow me to rest for a moment, sweetheart, before you jump me like that.” Letting out a scoff of annoyance, I pushed against him and went to sit on the fur carpet near the fireplace.

            “And here I thought you could keep up with me.” I mocked lightly. “ _Happy?_ ” I began to twist water from my hair after the snow melted. Loki paced closer, staring down at me.

            “Well, now you’re getting water on the floor,” he kneeled next to me and I feigned a look of sympathy. “Some things never change.”

            “ _Oh_ , sorry,” I flipped my drying hair and smacked him in the face with it lightly, causing him to shift backwards abruptly onto his bottom. The prince’s lips parted and I smiled sweetly when he turned his head to look at me. “Now that I have your attention, tell me I’m your favorite student and give me some credit…and profess to me how amazing I am.” Batting my eyelashes, I watched him tilt his head before he grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed me against the rug. When he straddled me, I couldn’t help laughing lightly. His playful mood managed to relax me in the slightest. “I said to shower me in praise, this was not part of it,” I tried to fight my smile but my chest warmed as I looked up at him.

            “Am I not allowed to do both?” Loki spoke distractedly before he idly tugged the laces from my shirt. My arms fell back against the carpet by my head as I gazed up at him.

            “Now is a good time to kiss me before I remember I’m still annoyed with you,” I exhaled.

            “How will I shower you in praise if I kiss you?” He leaned over, green eyes flickering down my face.

            “I’ll leave that up to you,” I shivered when a cool fingertip trace down my chest, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. He leaned over to press his lips to my collar and I felt his fingers already making quick work of getting my pants off. With my shirt loose, I allowed him to tug my pants over my legs in a swift motion.

            “You are,” he leaned over me again, braced on his hands, “my favorite.”

            “Your favorite… _what_?” I teased lightly, a smile playing on my lips before he exhaled against me softly, amused.

            “Everything.” He murmured, closing the distance slowly to kiss me lightly before I smiled again at him. When Loki moved back, I sat up with him to yank my shirt over my head before straddling his lap. Light from the fire played off his face and I leaned in to kiss him again. Sliding my hands around his shoulders, I peppered his jaw and neck with affectionate kisses.

            “Freezing cold,” I muttered into his neck. “Bed?”

            “Have we really strayed from the subject of earlier?” He chuckled.

            “I’m half-naked on top of you, it can wait,” I grabbed at his collar and tugged. “You should be undressing about now.” I didn’t want to think about what was happening in Asgard anymore, I just wanted him. “Help me forget tonight,” I whispered, cupping his face with one hand before I nipped at his bottom lip gently. When he pressed fully to me, I knew I’d convinced him.

            “It would be my pleasure,” he smirked against me before I shifted off of him. Deep down, I wanted simple comfort. I wanted to lose myself in him. I was tired of all that had happened and I knew he was as well, so I pushed the subject aside for now so we could both get some peace. Crawling under the lavish covers in his bed, I pull them back and beckoned him to me.

            Perhaps, I was mostly attempting now to prove that Nerien wasn’t really in my head.

            “Wait,” I put my hand out when he reached the foot of the bed. I smiled suddenly at him, betraying my attempt to be alluring. “No clothes in the bed.”

            “You are already breaking the rule,” he tilted his head at me. I began to undo my bra before I tossed it at him and my panties followed while I shifted under the covers.

            “Better?” I laughed lightly, holding the blankets to my chest. One of the ties on my bra had caught on his clothing so he tugged it off and tossed it aside.

            “Much better,” Loki rounded the bed and his clothing faded in pieces before he crawled toward me. His skin was so cold, I almost jolted when he touched me.

            “Hurry, get under the covers,” I muttered when he leaned in to capture my lips and obliged, pressing against me and I let out a shaken exhale. Loki began to kiss me but I stopped him when I remembered. “Wait, I haven’t taken the potion in a while.”

            “It will be fine, they last for a long while. You have a few more days.” Loki resumed kissing me and I parted from him, breathless.

            “I know…” I paused. “Still…” I watched him nod before we both sat up and he reached out, his hand shining with magic before a small vial floated toward him instantly from a box on his bookcase. “One day, we won’t need it.” I watched him uncork the top before he paused. “Until then, the royals of Asgard don’t need a scandal.”

            “They would force you to marry me right then if we conceived. Or try again to move you.” Loki agreed and handed me the small bottle.

            “And I would much rather marry you on our terms,” I smiled lightly and gulped down the mint liquid.

            “Something on my terms, I should be so lucky,” he joked lightly as I set the vial aside.

            “Yes,” I drew closer to him, “you should.” Kissing him instantly, I pulled him down with me as I lie against the pillows on my back. Loki skimmed his fingertips up my arms and I reached back to pull the covers higher over our bodies as his lips found my neck. One of my hands slid into his hair and gripped at his black locks to coax him on while my other hand trailed down his body to find him only semi-erect. Loki’s breath hitched against my skin so I stroked him until his thighs quivered and he gasped lightly, grasping my wrist to stop me as he usually did.

            “Wait,” he breathed, swallowing like he was collecting himself before he smirked instead. I blinked while he shifted between my legs and I adjusted for him, my hands finding his shoulders. Waiting a moment for Loki to just do  _something_  as he braced himself on his hands and stared down at my body a moment, I touched his face and brought him down for another kiss.

            “I’m here,” I murmured in an attempt to relax him but I couldn’t find any more words to do so. Loki’s movements were stiff and distracted but he kissed me again and seemed to come back to himself. A broad hand touched my thigh and ran up the length of it, causing me to sigh against the pillows under me. When his thumb slid down my slit, my body succumbed and curved up toward him.  _Focus. We need this tonight._  Pulling him closer when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I moaned in his ear softly as he began to rub small circles into my clit. My arousal grew under him and I closed my eyes, nudging my head into his before his cock nestled against my entrance. Loki whispered my name as he bucked his hips into mine, undulating gently and I whined.

            “You,” he muttered again, “will always be my favorite.” His erection grew slick with my arousal before he pressed inside and I felt Loki’s entire body tense as he buried his face in my hair. I clenched up so readily around his shaft and let out a sigh. One of his hands gripped my arm while the other grabbed for the back of my knee, parting my thighs when he began thrusting into me. Holding to Loki tightly, I arched when he found a quick pace, like we both were desperate to just get some relief right away. The prince lifted up to look at me as our hips met and my hands slid to his arms, gripping his biceps tightly. Loki’s lips parted when I licked my lips and his body shook with his next thrust. “ _Ah_!” He gasped out, brow furrowing as he tried to keep his hard pace and I moaned under him silently, my eyes flickering down his face. Before I could go in for another kiss, Loki gave off a breathless sound and abruptly surged his hips forward before his eyes went wide and he shuddered above me. His mouth went a little agape as he stared down at me before I blinked when I felt his release inside me.

            “Did…you…?”

            “Yes… I don’t know what…” Loki looked down and pulled out as I panted slightly under him, my body still crying out. “This hasn’t happened to us bef-”

            “There were a few times early on when we first started…”

            “Do not remind me,” Loki’s face fell. “Give me a moment.”

            “You’re not focused. We don’t…have to.” I added meekly as he distractedly began to stroke himself again.

            “Notice first that I was inside you because I  _desired_  to be,” Loki paused and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. “Not because I  _had_  to be. Furthermore, I am quite focused.” He made me exhale sharply. “I…I don’t know why-”

            “What I mean is…” I paused, my cheeks red. “Gods, if you’re too worried about your performance now… At least…” I pushed at him and got him onto his back before straddling him, the blankets falling to my hips. “Let me…” I trailed off and leaned over to kiss his lips, praying it settled him. Reaching down as I braced my free hand by his head, I pumped his slick cock until he was hard again. “ _Relax_ ,” I whispered against his mouth and his hands found my hips, fingers kneading into my skin. His chest rose and fell heavily. Slowly, we melted back together with another kiss and I allowed Loki to roll us back over under the covers. Nodding finally, I helped maneuver him until he pushed inside me once more as he got back into it. I tried not to be tense as he picked up the pace again and he seemed fine for a few moments before I finally moaned lightly under him. Pleasure and bliss set in once more and I whined in his ear. “ _Loki…_ ” I exhaled, my hand slid down his back until I took his hip, fingers digging into his flesh. Loki breathed softly against me and sped up, gasping silently as he tilted his head to capture my lips.

            But, the prince gave another small, abrupt shudder and bucked hard against me before I realized what happened when he collapsed a little on my body, his face in my collar.

            “Again…?” I was breathing heavily, trying not to let the tone of my voice give him a bad impression. Loki quickly braced himself up and shook his head.

            “No… Nothing. I can keep going,” he moved and I touched his shoulders to stop him when I felt awkward and uncomfortable instantly. He'd almost slipped into my bottom by accident.

            “ _Ow!"_ I hissed loudly. "Loki, you don’t need…to lie, I felt you-”

            “It’s that elf, damn it! I should have kept you from him. He'll ruin this all.” He gave a growl of annoyance and my lips parted. His cock was still soft inside me by some miracle.

            “Nerien didn’t do anything…!”

            “By the nine, do not say his name while I’m still inside you,” Loki about groaned as I went on.

            “…It’s your own jealous mind…twisting itself, as if usually does!”

            “I am attempting to help you forget, as  _you_  requested.”

            “Hey! I wanted to talk about us but you kept straying from the subject, so what was the point? And I wanted to help you forget too! We both deserved some damn ease for one night without ripping our own hair out over what’s been happening in Asgard. But, as usual, I am  _powerless_  to do anything. If my words and my body can’t do anything for you, then maybe you should go take a cold shower or something and clear your head without me!” I began pushing him off me before I rolled onto my side, curled up in the blankets. I felt bad suddenly, I was stressed out and riled up and taking it out on him. He was jealous and clouded and taking that out on me. I’d given off so many emotions the past few days and I could feel it steadily draining me. _No,_  I thought, _I need to be strong for Asgard._ "We shouldn't force this. I am sorry."

            “I do not exactly feel  _thrilled_  about what I’ve done for you tonight either,” Loki stated, softer now and I felt him sit up on the other side of the bed. “Seeing you with that damn elf today. Him stating my feelings so easily out loud. Well, I was jealous, is that what you want to hear from me?” I stared at the wall, not speaking as he went on. “Ever since I went into your head, I have worried more for your safety, yes. I almost lost you, so I am worried. No, terrified. Especially now, with that elf lurking around you. Does it give you  _pride_  to hear this?! But, I…” His tone softened up again when I curled up more. “I worry more often now that I cannot make you as happy as another could these days. And so…I was jealous. By the nine, I cannot even pleasure you properly now.” Loki gave a bitter laugh before he exhaled and said. “You are my favorite student. You are intelligent and capable…and you’ve grown into your own during our lessons.” I felt myself warm. “And I do believe in you…my clever, clever girl…” The bed shifted as Loki stood. “If I stated that despite everything, it is still my desire to simply make you happy, would you allow me to try? After all that we have been through. After all that I have done and will do. Even when you’ve trouble believing… Will you allow me?”

             Before I could speak, I heard footsteps and the bathroom door closed. Slowly, I turned and reached out across the empty bed. Touching Loki’s side, I exhaled a little and relaxed against the mattress as I grew warmer under the covers. My fingers bunched up the sheet before I spoke and the fire cracked across from me.

            “Yes…” I sniffled and smiled gently, my brow furrowing. “I can do nothing else, sweetheart. As long as you allow me as well.” It was silent for a moment before the water turned on. I closed my eyes and waited for either Loki or the pull of sleep but the latter came within a few minutes.

** ** **

            The bed shifted and I stirred barely as the covers moved but kept my eyes closed, assuming that Loki was finally coming to bed. But, a pair of broad hands grasped my hips and yanked me under the covers, causing me to let out a high-pitched cry before Loki covered my mouth in the dark. “ _Mmff_! What are you doing?” I whispered under the warmth of the many blankets, waking up fully as I batted his hand away when he appeared entertained. Smoothing my hair back, I shifted and he pulled me further in response. “ _Loki…_ ” I groaned, tired and amused now.

            “I am simply making my awful performance of earlier up to you,” he made quick work of pressing his lips to my chest and trailed more down before I moved so that my head and shoulders were above the blankets.

            “Loki, you don’t have to,” I laughed lightly, clutching the blankets as he moved under them, his voice muffled.

            “Nonsense,” he kissed my hip and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. His cool lips were on my inner thigh and I swallowed. “Now, the only time I want to hear my name next is when it is laced in pure, unadulterated desire.”

            “I… _oh_ …” Everything fell away when his tongue ran between my legs. “On…On second thought,” I felt him shift my legs apart and drape one over his shoulder, “I…might…” I grasped for the pillow under my head when lapped lightly at my clit, tracing lazy circles into it. My back curved as Loki gripped at my thighs to hold them apart and his other hand found my hip. His breath was hot against me and I whined aloud, nipples perking up as the blankets fell under my breasts.

            “You were saying?” He ran his tongue along my sensitive clit once more and paused as I looked down at his form under the blankets.

            “I didn’t say stop.” I managed to keep my voice firm but arched against the pillows when he continued. He kissed my body intimately and closed his mouth around the wet nub before blood rushed down my form.  _Valhalla awaits_ , I almost giggled at the thought. Sucking gently, Loki elicited a breathless cry from my lips and he had to hold my hips in place to continue. Two fingers surged into me and pumped in sync with his tongue’s torturous movements, causing my eyes to roll back as I watched the ornate ceiling above us. His arm curled around my hip, fingers spreading my swollen lips before his tongue pressed harder circles and I cried out. “ _Loki!_ ” In truth, giving oral sex was not always an act of submission. The position of being in complete control of one’s pleasure as you worked them how you desired. Loki played with my body as if he was running a bow across the strings of a cello expertly.

            “Try not to tear the sheets, sweetheart,” he teased, fingers curling inside me until I rocked my hips toward him messily.

            “ _Keep going_ ,” I begged instead, breathless while he lowered his head and my back curved from the bed. Every muscle tensed and my stomach churned with heat when he flattened his tongue and lapped roughly at the tender bundle of nerves. Arousal dripped down my skin lightly and he closed his mouth around me briefly, fluidly working my clit as my entire body succumbed to him.  _Right there_ , I wanted to beg but my voice cracked. Breathing heavily in small cries, I propped myself up a bit on my elbows and he went faster to bring me to my peak. “Loki……I’m com-…” Not able to articulate further, I moaned out and my back arched involuntarily as climax washed over me. He held my hips in place and continued to draw out my orgasm. Everything clenched and relaxed when I writhed against him. My body bucked and went completely rigid. Falling against the soft blankets after my release, my lips parted to pull air back into my lungs as Loki poked his head out from beneath the blankets. Dazed, I swallowed with a dry throat while he licked his lips and braced his arms so he was hovering over me. The prince looked pleased with himself and I managed to roll my eyes.

            “Oh, did you not like that?” He trailed his fingertip over the curve of my breast idly, my skin sensitive from budding bliss. I let out an amused breath and glanced away when my lips curled up. My entire body hummed with ecstasy as he swept some hair from my face. “Did you like that?” Loki leaned closer, his sly eyes flickering to my lips.

            “Yes, I did,” I murmured against him, smirking lightly to match his expression.

            “My pleasure.” Loki closed the distance and I surged my fingers into his hair when he kissed me deeply. Flush against my thighs, I heard him hum before I went on.

            "Your turn."

** ** **

            “Has he said anything?”

            “Yes, Loki, he gave me his master plan and is likely going to assassinate you first,” I rolled my eyes.

            “No need for sarcasm, sweetheart,” Loki leaned back against the bookcase behind him while we hid within the shelves on the second floor of the library.

            “Well, I have to watch him and you’re clinging to me when I’m not. Don’t get me started on Thor bounding after me like a dog every time he catches me alone to bombard me with questions I just answered for you. Everyone else is giving me these  _looks_. Honestly, give me time to breathe.”

            “I’m standing over here, surely this will suffice,” he remarked and I smirked as I filed through books. “Where is he now?”

            “The archives again. He just finished his breakfast and I checked him over. Healing well. Vehicle is taking time.”

            “Why are you in here now?” Loki inquired after a moment.

            “Getting a book for him. He’s very curious about our people.” Finding the book I wanted, I pulled it off only for Loki to snatch it from my hands.

            “And you’re  _blindly_  getting him further information that he can use against us,” he scolded me and I glared a bit, crossing my arms.

            “I don’t know, Loki, unless he’s planning on spicing your dinner to death, I don’t think that book will give him Asgard’s deepest royal secrets.” I watched Loki peer down at the cookbook I’d gotten before his brow furrowed and I grabbed the book away. “You were incorrect, my sarcasm is very much needed as it’s the only thing keeping me sane.”

            “How do you know he is not using this as a ploy to get you away so he can explore?” Loki moved to pass me swiftly but I grabbed his wrist.

            “Perhaps, I already let a certain older prince know and he’s secretly tailing after him,” I smiled sweetly and Loki relaxed at my words. “I’m not as  _blind_  as you seem to think.”

            “I did not state-”

            “You implied it. Now, I’m stressed out and I’m going to walk back to see my patient… _alone_.” I moved to pace out of the shelves and smiled lightly when I saw Fandral coming into the library, the three of us being the only people around now. Still within the shelves, Loki kept talking as I moved to the stairs in front of me.

            “If you are stressed, we could take a break and I could help you unwind in the way I did two nights ago under the covers-” Loki paused when he noticed Fandral and I froze on the stairs, turning to shoot him a glare when my face heated. Loki didn’t seem too bothered.

            “I certainly have such wonderful timing,” Fandral grinned so I threw caution to the wind and faced Loki fully to comment.

            “Loki, if you put your head between my legs every time you stressed me out, you would have had to grow fish gills by now to survive it.” Exhaling, I turned when his eyebrows quirked up and smiled wide and sweet at Fandral as I passed him.

            “Have I rubbed off on you, my lady?” Fandral chuckled while Loki sent us both a flat look and descended the stairs.

            “You rub  _anything_  and you shall wake up without hair,” the prince remarked as he followed me.

            “Ah, no,” I pointed my finger at Loki and shook my head before Fandral could respond. “What did I say?”

            “But-”

            “No.” I crossed my arms again. “Let me get some fresh air and question me later.”

            “My sweet lady, the prince is merely worried for your safety. We all are.” Fandral tried and Loki shot him a glare.

            “I am not  _worried_ ,” he protested instantly and I rolled my eyes.

            “All of you, whatever you are. Keep it away from me for five minutes,” I put my hands up. “I’m worried too. All right? Let me do my task and calm down. And don’t upset Thor either, I can’t have him questioning my patient and getting more riled up. See you both later.” I turned again to near the double doors.

            “I know I was against it, but that is sounding better and better to me,” Loki mused before I spun and my free hand shot out. Vines grew instantly from the plants next to him and coiled around his legs and into the floor, holding him there.

            “Stay there and think for a while… _darling_.” I tilted my head at Fandral as Loki fumed. “Do you want some too?”

            “Lover’s quarrel, I see.  _Oh_ , I should really stay out of this,” Fandral scratched the back of his head and looked up at the clock. “Places to be and such. Fair maidens to attend to. Enjoy your day, Loki. …Be careful, my lady.” I raised my eyebrow at Fandral and he made his swift exit.

            “And you used to look down on natural, elemental magic.”

            “Never stated that,” Loki glared, trying to shift with no avail before he added, “outwardly.”

            “I seem to remember saying that I would do something like this to you.”

            “Careful, sweetheart,” he warned lightly.

            “Well, you can get me back when this is all over. And when you manage to untangle those vines from your ankles.”

            “You would leave me here?”

            “After the weeks you put me through when we worked through our magic training, you’re going to complain about this?”

            “Certainly,” he replied, looking as if he was remembering a sweet memory and I scoffed.

            “Good luck then,” I waved my hand distractedly and opened the door.

            “By the nine, I am in love with you,” Loki’s fond words caused me to pause and exhale deliberately.  

            “Seems I love you as well,” I stated, not as fondly and tilted my chin up defiantly. “I’ll leave you to make your grand escape now.” Without another word, I shut the door behind me and bit the inside of my cheek to hide my grin.

** ** **

            “Your people are rather tense.”

            “They have to be around outsiders. Winter always has this effect on us.” I brushed off Nerien’s comment carefully before changing the subject. “I’ve lost count of how many books I’ve seen you go through.”

            “Oh, yes. Fast learner. More time to kill.” He replied when I gestured to the stack of books on the table.

            “They told me that your vehicle should be working soon. Perhaps even before dinner.”

            “Indeed. Checked on it earlier after speaking with your Elders. Interesting people. Eager. Talkative. Stiff. Willing. But, back to my vessel...good work. Should be commended.”

            “They are masters of their craft,” I shrugged easily.

            “What is your craft?” He inquired then.

            “Mine?” I paused before I shook my head. “I’m not sure I have a specialty. I use many weapons and magic is...I'm still searching for my place in all of it. Loki has his.”

            “Seems many of your warriors and civilians alike have a specialty.”

            “I seem to be decent at a few things and not great at one thing,” I replied then.

            “Frustration,” the elf stated obviously as he observed me and glanced elsewhere. “Not meaning to be blunt. Perhaps, I can shed light on your specialty before we part ways. That was my specialty. Helping others find their path. You must have one.”

            “That is kind of you,” I chuckled, “but, I’m sure you are ready to get home.”

            “Soon. Much to do first.” Nerien’s black eyes flickered to me and I shifted. “Your people are very welcome to our land once everything is in order, I imagine. Could be an excellent learning experience for them as well.”

            “I’m sure,” my face twitched with a grin.

            “I would show you around as you have shown me around. Fair. Yes?”

            “Yes,” I nodded and smiled easily now. “I’d like that.”

            “Someday soon perhaps?”

            “Perhaps.” I kept smiling at Nerien and he observed me before he smirked in turn, causing me to lower my eyes instinctively.  

            “It is done then.” He paused when the door behind us opened and an attendant paced toward me and bowed his head.

            “Milady, the Elder Council requests an audience with you shortly. There is a dress waiting in your chambers.”

            “They want me dressed for the occasion?” I tilted my head and the young man grinned at me, shrugging.

            “The Council has their formalities. Bit of a bother if you ask me.”

            “Yes, of course. I’ll be there as soon as I dress then. Thank you,” I watched him go and turned to see Nerien staring pointedly at me.

            “Enjoy your meeting, yes?” The elf spoke and I nodded slowly at him. “Should really check on my vehicle once more. I worry so.”

            “It is in good hands.” I offered softly. “I’ll leave you to it.” When I turned to go, Nerien spoke my name and I paused, swallowing.

            “Hope to conclude this conversation after?” The elf watched me nod my head again quickly until I shuffled closer to the door. “Until then.” Getting out of the room quickly, I turned the opposite way to go to Loki when I was stopped by a stoic guard.

            “I am to escort you to your room and then to the Council with haste.”

            “Oh, I don’t think I need-”

            “Please,” he gestured, “the Council has much to attend to today.” Having little choice, I walked down the hallway and turned toward my room. The guard posted himself outside my door as I hurried in. They’d left a dress on my bed and I reminded myself to have Loki teach me to put spells around my room to keep people out like he did. Changing quickly, I managed to get the midnight blue dress on. It was rather fine as the layered skirts flowed freely to the floor. An ornate gold metal piece latched to the fabric on my shoulder and flexible, thin metal gold chains wrapped around different parts of the fabric from my shoulder to my hips. I stared at the radiant beauty in the long mirror and felt nothing but blind terror for a moment before I snapped out of it. Shuffling, I smoothed down the fabric nervously and jumped when the guard knocked. “My lady?”

            “Yes… I’ll be out in a moment,” I scrambled to put on a pair of boots so I could conceal a dagger in them before I tugged on my sleeves. I took a look out my window as the snow covered the ground and couldn’t spot Loki or Thor anywhere.  _Don’t make me see the Council alone._  Swallowing, I straightened up and made my way out, forgetting my cloak. I regretted that as we walked when a slight chill ran through the palace. The guard opened the door for me and I crossed a long room, the Elders all seated above me and staring. Forcibly, I didn’t lower my eyes until I bowed respectfully at the end of the walk.

            “We thank you for making haste today, milady, as nothing has been easy since the king-”

            “We’ve no time, we must get on with it,” Erikur talked over Salma and I shifted, clasping my hands together.

            “If this is about Nerien, I can’t say that I’ve noticed anything, Council,” I piped up softly. There were eleven Elders on the council total. Seven men and only four women. Admittedly, under half of the council was considered kind, which meant almost nothing when it came to votes.

            “This is about the elf,” Erikur, in the center, looked pleased. “He spoke extensively with us about his land and ours this morning. We do what we can to gain strong allies and keep the peace. Especially ones with power as he has offered.”

            “Yes, my lord,” my hands were shaking while they all stared down at me.

            “His demands were simple and in turn, he offered the peace and alliance of his people to our royals. As well as a large sum of gold.” Maven, sitting to the right of the center elder, added.

            “I…I’m not sure why I’m here,” I meekly responded and the man at the center laughed, an ugly croak sounding from his throat.

            “Don’t frighten the girl,” Aud piped up as Erikur at the center shook his head and spoke.

            “The elf’s terms were simple,” he repeated. “You.”

            “What…?” The temperature grew colder around me and I tried to pretend I heard him incorrectly. _No. Please, let me be wrong. Please._

            “You,” the old man stated once more, “in exchange for all our terms.”

            “I do think we’re getting the better end of the deal,” Maven responded and my lip trembled.  _They can’t do this._

“The King and Queen will not allow this,” I tried to keep my voice firm. "Their sons will not allow this."

            “The King and Queen are not here and while Asgard lies vulnerable, we must make the executive decision.” Stated Torvar and my hands trembled in such a way that vibrated up my body.

            “You can’t… I…I haven’t agreed to this…and Loki and I-”

            “We let the prince have his fun with you to keep him content and at bay but did you really believe we would allow such a union? Stupid girl,” Erikur cut over me. “You will go with the elf after this. You will marry him and ensure our alliance. You will do it for the greater good of Asgard. Then, he stated he will give us the agreed sum of gold and help to ensure the defense of our land.”  _I’m being sold for gold and weapons._  “After all this is done, Prince Loki will do as he should have done years ago and marry a noble of Vanaheim to keep our ties with the royals there as well.”

           "Rest assured, milady. Feel pride to serve your realm. You will be so taken care of.” Calder soothed with sharp eyes. "See the benefits. Your talents will not go to waste. You can find a new home."

            “You can’t…” I stepped backwards and then Erikur stood, slamming his hands down.

            “To not obey would be treason! Would you like your public execution to be the last time Prince Loki sets his eyes on you?”

            “Enough!” Salma piped up as I backed away, shaking my head while the shock set in.

            “I…want to talk to Loki first,” I demanded, my fear betraying me.

            “You are to leave straight from this meeting without issue,” Torvar shook his head.

            “Let me say goodbye then,” I tried in an attempt to stop this but a few Elders shook their heads.

            “Guards, escort her out.” Erikur commanded finally, before he added. “Quietly.”

            “No…” I whimpered before I pulled myself together when they merely smiled at me. “You can’t do  _this_  to me.” When a guard moved to grab my elbow, I jerked away and turned to sprint toward the door. I barely heard the Elders shouting after me as I dodged the second guard with ease and got out. All I needed to do was find was Loki or Thor,  _anyone_. Anything to slow this so I could get out of it. Turning toward a large balcony when guards chased after me, I got ready to shout but someone stepped in front of me and grabbed my arms. Yanking back, I looked up and met Nerien’s calm gaze as the guards stopped.

            “Unnecessary, my friends. Go. Ensure your Elders that all is well. We should speak.”

            “Nerien,” I choked out, shaken. He met my gaze so I shook my head furiously.

            “Hush, all will be fine. Come with me,” he pulled me toward the balcony archway.

            “Stop this… You don’t-”

            “I merely wished to know if you would come quietly,” he spoke and my heart sank before I twisted away, the back of my hand colliding with his face. “I see.” His calm demeanor was frightening. I hated him then for making me so afraid. “Forgive me, this will likely hurt just a touch.” Growling, I lifted my hand to use magic when his latched around my wrist and I felt something metal clamp closed. Nerien pushed me backwards and I fell, lifting my arm to gaze at a bronze metal cuff around my wrist. I tried to use magic but runes merely glowed on it and I gasped in realization. Nerien bent down to me as I sat trapped against the wall and tugging at the cuff.

            “Let me go… stop this now,” I seethed, freezing cold. Without the magic, I felt like a lost child.  _Get it together, you’re a warrior_ , one voice said before another followed with, _but, I’m too afraid_. “Nerien…please. If you take me away from here by force-”

            “Force? You said I could show you my world. It could be yours as well. There is a spark in your eye. A link between our souls. I've waited years for this moment and the words I longed for are so lost. Forgive me. I never thought I would find you. A matching force. There is much to do and it will be better with your cooperation.”

            “No!” I grabbed for the blade in my boot and swiped, getting him to fall back before I scrambled to get up and moved toward the balcony. But, Nerien was quicker, an arm went around my torso before his hand settled on my neck and I felt the blade fall from my grasp. I reached back to grab at a handful of silvery hair, tugging as I writhed in his arms. The moment his skin touched mine, pain jolted up my body and to my head. I saw my veins flash black under my cold skin briefly. The sensation covered my body until I locked up, unable to scream at first before it billowed like a wave.

            “ _Ah_!” I cried and he hushed me so gently, his lips against my ear like a lover’s before he let me go and I dropped to the floor on my knees. Weak, I crawled toward the balcony and managed to grasp it and lift myself upwards. Far below, I could see the people. I shook erratically when Nerien merely walked up behind me.  _What did he do to me? Why did I let him take me down so easily?_

            “Good resolve. Something to be admired. Choosing you was wise. You will see soon enough,” Nerien stated behind me when I spotted Thor with Sif and tried to call out but my voice merely croaked.

            “Th..Thor…” Tears were falling.  _Turn around. Please, see me. Please._  When I lifted my arm to wave, Nerien grabbed it and I saw Loki join them before my body jolted and I scrambled to hold myself to the balcony. Ripping the chain from my neck, I summoned the strength I had and threw it. “Loki!” I stammered out just as I was hurtled backwards and to the floor, melted snow around me. Lying at Nerien’s feet, I gazed up at him so he bent down. When he set his hand on the side of my head, I braced myself for the pain that would knock me out as my eyes went wide.

            “Time to depart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two next! Prepare for the big battle scene! Thank you readers!! Also special thanks to my friend for the fanart of Nerien!!! ---> http://its-a-kaze.tumblr.com/post/169546139567/


	17. The Fall: Part Two. The Turn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two picks up immediately! Nerien takes the Lady into his homeland far across Asgard's realm. Her eyes are opened with no way to look back. Fates twist and perceptions change. Massive battle ensues when the enemy reveals itself. A new power takes hold from a mysterious source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanos connection if you squint. If not, I'll be shoving it down everyone's throat later. What can I say? I love build up over all else.

           Opening my eyes, I felt the cold air whoosh through my hair before I shifted abruptly when I realized I was on a speeding vehicle. Noticing that my hands where bound together in front of me, I froze when I saw Nerien at the helm. He impassively gazed back before speaking first.

            “Hoped you would sleep the whole trip. Forgive the ropes. Necessary.”

            “Where are we?” I panicked and got to my feet, an unfamiliar fur cloak falling off my body as I pulled at the ropes with no avail. That damn metal cuff was still firmly around my wrist. Pulling the ropes caused them to glow and tighten.

            “Rest yourself, you will need it. Almost there.” Nerien pulled a lever and the barge flew itself across the cold sky, it looked like it was going to start snowing again. Under us, nothing but forest and hills whooshed past. When the elf moved forward, I searched for the blade in my boot but remembered it was long gone so I put my hands up defensively. “No need to fight.”

            “To hell with you, take me back!” I snarled.

            “Good, good. Yes, let that out.” He seemed pleased. “Cannot take you back. We’ve come too far.”

            “The warriors are going to come for me, we both know that.” I insisted. “There isn’t any point in this. What could you possibly want with me?”

            “Certain that they will come, yes.” Nerien looked distant while he spoke. “I am counting on it. As for the necessity of you. You are the witness. The first one. It has to be you. No one else. Soon it will be clear. Afraid that there will be no marriage. Apologies. The council gave you up quickly. It grieves, you know. Government officials meant to protect and preserve their people...barely valuing them above trash. For what? Gold? Power? I have seen souls glow with more vibrant beauty and worth than all the gold in these nine realms. And yet, I cannot show those on the outside. They ignore it...fail to understand. Or worse, they try to possess by force. Your highest Elders will tumble when we are through. They were so glad to toss you aside. They've waited. Though, it made the decision to pick you all the better.” He paused before suddenly piping up with. “Do you believe in destiny?”

            “No more questions! No more cryptic phrases. You think I don't see how the Elders are? Take me back, or the warriors will-”

            “Kill me? Of course. But, that can wait. Sit, I insist it. You will freeze in that fine gown.” The elf moved to grasp my shoulders before he pushed me back down as I yanked away from him and scrambled further against the side of the barge. I looked over the edge, heart frosting. The world moved under us and realized I had no escape. Nerien put the cloak over my shoulders and I cringed away.

            “What do you want?” I curled up and gripped the fabric around me.

            “Eat first,” he picked up his bag and held out biscuit toward me but I didn’t move an inch. “The curious Asgardian needs her strength. No poison. Rest assured. How, what is that magic word, ironic would that be?” That last comment took my attention and I tilted my head back toward him.

            “What are you talking about?” I muttered finally.

            “Eat,” he said once more and I took the food, watching him intently.

            “About my question. Destiny. Funny thing, yes? Was it chance that you discovered me first and tended to me? Chance that you stayed and let me into your head? Chance that we connected? You feel doubt. But, not for me. Look where we are now.”

            “You’re not in my head.” I took small bites and managed to get some of the food down.

            “Oh, but, I am. You see. I have seen you. You practically offered yourself up as my witness while the short days passed. You wish to know how this ends. Cannot stop once that begins.”

            “ _What do you want?!_ ” I leaned forward suddenly and he seemed unaffected. "Why are you doing this?"

            “Hush now, I know this is so difficult,” his low voice was tender when he kneeled down to my level. “You have been through much. As have I. This encounter will change everything but, you must open your eyes and never look back. But, you do not wish to. You want clarity. You want to know your path in this world. All will see soon. After, I give you my word that you will return to your prince. I imagine he misses you now. Imagine that he is plotting my death as well. Cooperate with me and all will fall into place.”

            “I want to go home,” I stated quietly, pleading now.

            “As do I…” His distant voice replied. “But, now, neither of us has a choice.”

            “Yes, we do. You can allow me to go, and I will stop them from taking your life. Thor will hear you out. He can help you.”

            “No. It must be you." Nerien was so assured. "Not worried about my life in this world.”

            “Your…future in this world then. Tell me what you want and let me help you.” I attempted, brow furrowing.

            “You will help me. Soon. Very soon.” He paused. “Can see the honesty under all of that fear… Appreciated.” I sat back and exhaled, shaken as I saw my breath in the cold. I wasn’t sure if I could see his honesty.

            “They’re going to kill you or put you away for this for a long time. If you don’t care about your life then think of your freedom here,” I tried again carefully.

            “There is no freedom.” Nerien stated then. “There is no freedom in a world with love. In a world with hate. None. Not really. There is no freedom as long as we are emotional beings. Yet, we still fight for it. How funny. We even try to tell ourselves that we can possibly find freedom in loving and hating. But, that is false as well. How often do you feel guilt or shame for simply feeling what you are feeling? For thinking a certain way? For  _believing_  in something? However, I suppose being a deeply emotional being is not the worst that could happen.”

            “What is?” I breathed and he crushed my heart.

            “Living in a world where no one else will truly understand the magnitude of you… Yes, that would certainly be worse.” He replied evenly, looking out at the path ahead of us. I felt my throat tighten up and swallowed forcefully when his words poisoned the very core of my being. _Yes, that is worse._ I longed so to tell him he was wrong. That maybe I didn't know what freedom was. What it meant. But, I knew it was alive somewhere. I knew I'd find it one day. I had to touch it. Just once.

            “What do you want me to witness, Nerien?” I asked instead after a beat.  _Keep him on your side_ , I kept telling myself.

            “All in good time.” The entire ride, I sat and watched Nerien carefully when he resumed navigating the vehicle. Checking the path ahead of us a few times, I kept shifting my gaze back to him. He didn’t seem annoyed or unsettled by this which made me irritated in turn but I kept my gaze steady on him. Truthfully, I didn’t want to speak or listen. I wanted to go back. I wanted this to be over. I wanted Loki to give me that insufferable  _I told you so_  look, just because it would help me believe that everything could be normal once more. But, somehow I knew everything had instead changed.  _Let's face it, I wouldn't know normal if it hacked into my belly_. The air shifted around me and I turned finally to see Nerien’s world, the entire land covered in a dome that glistened like a massive magical ward. I narrowed my gaze at the figures of elves ahead who walked about. “Brace yourself.” I was only half-listening. Something was off. We drew closer and suddenly, the vehicle shifted through the dome and I gasped.

            “ _Oh gods…_ ” I breathed when we slowed and I realized it. The land was in shambles and the people I had seen were gone. The ancient stone structures were near-barren.  _The dome_ , I thought,  _an illusion…_ “It isn’t real.” The silence cut into me. My lips parted before I looked back at Nerien as he watched me realize the worst.

            “It was once,” he blinked. “As real as you and I. But, no more.” With fallen snow and ice covering everything, I found myself thinking of Jotunheim briefly. The very land appeared, in simplest terms,  _dead_. I looked up at their great stone palace and felt melancholy wash over me. This felt so wrong. The vehicle came to a stop and my cool tinted lips parted. “Beginning to see the truth, yes?”

            “What happened here?” I felt my voice crack and pulled myself together when Nerien approached from behind me. “Everyone… Everything…”  _Gone._

            “Congratulations, my curious friend. You are finally seeing things as they are through my eyes. Look within yourself now. Feel this place in your heart.”

            “The illusion…”

            “Put in place long before the great fall of my race. Meant for protection. Now it serves as a cloak.” Nerien took my arm. I didn't stop him. I just stumbled. “Come.” Heimdall couldn’t see. He never could even if he tried. That couldn't be possible. A few pieces fell together in my head as I was pulled into the palace. The cloak around my shoulders provided me with some warmth so I held it closer in some pathetic attempt at security. I shuffled after Nerien in awe while I watched the world around me before the doors shut behind us. Behind the dome, the world gleamed with life but now it was sunken with rot. It felt like death.

            “No…” I came back to myself and pulled away but, Nerien held me steady. “What happened…? How do I know you didn’t-?”

            “Wish it were that simple.” He pulled me deeper into the palace and we entered a large, bright room. “Do you remember?” The elf asked me as we paused and I wanted to shut my eyes. “Look.” I recognized it instantly. The room with the massive glass dome that was beautiful once but, not anymore. Snow trickled in through broken glass to coat my hair. The sunset crystalline orb at the center dwindled with life, growing so weak and dim with fissures along its shape. Like someone wished to snuff out the sun. “Pains me still to see it. Dreadful reminder.” The walls were in shambles around me.

            “Nerien,” I whispered then, “what happened to this place?” I needed to stay calm and convince him that I was not an enemy while the others made their way here.

            “Failed my people.” He replied in a forcibly even tone that was growing heavy. “Waited long for this moment and soon my land will get the justice it deserves.”

            “What happened to them?” I asked once more, already knowing the answer.

            “Do you not see?” Nerien turned solemnly toward me. “I am the last. So it seems. But, soon...no longer.” His tone shook me. I took a step back and he pulled me forward. “Do you seek the full truth?” My lips parted and he grew angry, snapping at me for the first time. “ _Don’t lie!_ ” Jumping, the words fell away as he pushed me backwards until I was pressed up the sphere that could not even float anymore. It was warm. My skin crawled and fizzled at the contact. “You allowed me access to the darkest corners of your mind…” My bound hands were pressed between our chests as he drew closer. “Now for payment in full. Hope I still have the power to do this. The beacon should assist. You feel it too. Be not afraid. That comes later.” When his hands took my face, I realized how badly I was shaking while he pressed the back of my head against the sphere and slid his fingers to my temple. I grasped at his sleeves as if to tug him away but I could even form words when his black eyes locked to mine.

           "Nerien." I begged softly, eyes flickering over his before I was lax. I relented. "Tell me."

            “There you are…” He observed. "I will show you."

            A blinding white light filled my eyes before I could scream.

Visions flooded my brain and came into focus.

_A bright palace so full of life and elves roaming the land. All shapes and colors._

            “We had everything once…” Nerien’s voice entered my mind as the soundless visions went on. “Prosperity. Knowledge. Protection. We never marched on another land…never threatened another province unless we were threatened… Kept to ourselves. It was better that way. We all came from loss and the beacon drew us to form something new. Generations thrived for years after and we all were one.”

             _A young elven King with amber-colored eyes smiles as he gets up from the throne and claps me on the back, laughing as we walk. His lush hair shines gold in the light above us._

            Realizing that I was seeing the world through Nerien’s eyes, something more seeped through the cracks while I saw what his world once was.

             _I’m practicing magic before an elf with grey skin and vibrant, large yellow eyes interrupts me. She smiles, her curly hair bouncing as she paces over to kiss me. I feel nothing but genuine affection. I am in love with her._

            Nerien’s emotions are filling me up. I can feel them and suddenly, I wasn’t sure what was worse. Seeing what he saw, or feeling what he felt.

             _There is a meeting and the King Tandil looks to me for wisdom. Our friendship as strong as it always was. He used to joke that had he not fallen for our palace gatekeeper perhaps I could have been it. I would always laugh and still through the years, feel nothing but joy when he and his love join hands._

            “Some of us came and went to experience the rest of Asgard. Hours away. A few never returned and lived happily with new families. Others went to war. Some hid among villages that accepted non-humanoid races. The secret remained. It started when a curious group of adventurers strayed far from our province and met an inquisitive man who would become one on your King’s council…” Nerien’s voice was so far away.

             _A little girl contracts a rare illness and passes in our infirmary. I hold her hand as she fades to feel the fear followed by the slight peace. It kills me on the inside. I feel hopeless; there is nothing I can do. None of my cures have worked and our healer’s results are the same._

            “…Something had spread among a few of our people. The stranger steadily gained our trust as he stayed in our land, seeking to learn from us. We opened our home to him. Regretfully, I never met him in person. I should have been there, I was too preoccupied.”

             _The sickness is getting worse. Less elves are leaving their homes. Bandits are trying to raid and more are getting in. My home is in danger. I hold Karliah as she mourns the loss of her young brother._

_Tandil, our King and still my most trusted friend, is leaning over a marble slab. He covers the body of his first son in a sheet and tears are already falling from my eyes when I touch his shoulder. He wrenches away, not wanting me to feel his emotions. As he shakes, I promise to not rest until I can save our people. His temple is warm when I kiss it in parting, passing his first love, who is crying silently in the hallway. It is the last time I see them alive before I go._

            “…Traveled much to seek a cure… I could not figure how it was spreading but, it did not matter when I arrived back. The sickness killed a few but the bandit raids that followed destroyed everything that I once held sacred…”

_Scorched earth. So many dead. Desperation eats away at me. I am calling out but not even the wind replies. The castle. The villages. My land is a graveyard now. I cradle the body of my sweet Karliah and put my head against her own in an attempt to feel her emotions. But nothing connects. I am the last. I failed them._

_Four bandits are found in the castle and I slaughter them. Questioning the last, I rip his throat out with my teeth in a rage that fills every void within me. So many dead. Gone. They’re all gone. Heat fills me up. Swells every vein. Crackles along my bones. Licks at my heart. My fault…_

            “…The bandit gave me a sliver of what I needed. His tribe was told that my people held power and untold riches. Lies… They were informed of how to get in unnoticed and that they should strike while we were vulnerable. Searched the bandit’s head also…for a name…or face. I received one. The stranger. He set this in motion. Poisoned my people…”

             _I bury each and every one of my people properly. It takes weeks but they deserve it. My fault…_

_No…_

“Killed my race!”

             _No…_

            “Left our world in ruins!”

_I lived then for revenge that would come in time. I could be patient. I plotted and searched for the path. The right way to carry on and end this all at once._

_Payment in full, I would say._

            “Soon this entire realm will be alight with a great cry and you all will know what we suffered! What you will witness now was years in the making! I have waited far too long…but now my people. My family will receive the justice they deserve. All of us will get what we deserve.”

            “Let me go!” I found my voice and shrieked before I hit the floor, barely catching myself on my arm before I looked around and realized I was back. Breathing sporadically, my cheeks were drenched in hot tears and I almost threw up on Nerien’s shoes before I swallowed and exhaled softer as he kneeled down.

            “Forgive me, the first time is always the hardest. We do not have the time I need for me to tell you all. I wish it was different. You deserve better than I can give. Your path will open and I hope you allow it. It will fall into place one day.” The elf took my face again and I focused when he stated my name. “Is it clearer now?”

            “What was his name?” I felt Nerien take my hands to cut the ropes binding them.

            “Are you ready to be my witness? Shoulder the burden and become what you were destined to be.”

            “Nerien, give me his name.” I repeated as he looked up at the orb behind me.

            “Asgardians have breached the dome. We haven’t much time.” He blinked his large black eyes at me. “Remember when I stated that I would help you discover your specialty? If destiny made me the last, then it made you the first for a reason. I knew the moment I saw you and touched your reality…that we would end up here. I scoured all of Asgard for you and I am sorry. Sorry, I did not find you sooner.”

            “Tell me his name,” my eyes grew big when Nerien leaned over me and I backed up on my elbows. “Which one? Were other elders involved?”

            “Yes. Four total.” Was his reply. "But, that stranger. He was the leader."

            “Who?!” I yelled.

            “The Asgardians are hiding out in the forest. Setting up a slight perimeter. A small group is getting ready to approach the castle. Your beloved prince is with them. We will greet them soon.” Nerien tilted his head. “Are you frightened now?” When he settled his sharp fingernails on my neck, I half expected him to slash through the tender skin of my throat. Inhaling through my nose sharply, I replied.

            “Yes.”

            “Truth,” he mused, “at last.”

            “What are you doing?” I whispered, my lips trembling when another tear seeped from the corner of my eye. He caught it on his thumb and watched the droplet trail toward his palm.

            “I dare say that this will harm us both.” Nerien went on. “Would you like to know what fate has laid out for us? I told you that I was the last. As my witness, you will be the one to finish this. It is destiny. You spent far too many years repressing your nature. Your potential. I wish I could portray how important you are. Not just to me. But, I can give you this. You owe nothing. But, you can save us all.”

            “How?”

            “Cannot tell you that yet. It will be in your hands as it passes through me and into you. Perhaps, you know...it was always there inside. You can always simply refuse.” The elf searched my gaze and I didn’t move when he lightly traced his sharp fingernails under my collar bones. He must have felt my heart pick up.

            “I want to help you, Nerien…let me try.” I attempted again and he blinked at me with glassy eyes. "I just...I want to save everyone."

             “A curious Asgardian, indeed. Very well.” He shifted and ran his free hand along the decaying orb, almost wistfully before abruptly turning and cradling the back of my head. I gasped out when our eyes met and he dug his fingernails into the flesh over my heart, breaking the skin. Gasping aloud, I would have hit my head if he wasn’t holding it. My entire chest cavity flooded with a burning sensation and I heaved for air. Nerien bared his sharp teeth to stifle a sound and I realized he was crying. “ _See?_ ” I looked into his eyes and something connected before the sensation went freezing cold as it engulfed my body. “ _See it now_ …” He yanked his nails from me and my hands flew to my chest, expecting to feel sticky blood but the wounds were gone. Nerien pulled a pair of gloves from his pocket and put them on. My heart accelerated and I felt him taking my shoulders. “Easy.” I stumbled forward when he brought me to my feet, confused beyond belief.

            “What…What did you do to me?” I grabbed my head when it pounded. Vision blurred. Lungs heaved. 

            “Later. We’ve your friends to meet before they reach the palace. If I live, you get the rest of your answers. I imagine that me living is in your best interest. For now.” Nerien gripped my elbow firmly, but I could feel him shaking as he wiped the back of his hand across his cheek to compose himself. “Pull that cloak closer to your body. Cold outside.” My eyes caught the sphere, looking completely lifeless now before we left the room.  _What did he do?_

** ** **

            The crisp air dried the tears on my cheeks while Nerien pulled me through the snow, his pace brisk. _Where are they?_  I surveyed the land, my breathing quick against the cold atmosphere. Knowing Thor had warriors watching from the forests, I craned my neck as Nerien yanked at my wrist until I saw a group up ahead. Instinctively, I shifted forward but Nerien’s grip kept me at his side.

            “Loki…” I exhaled when they stopped and he shouted my name. Thor was next to him with Hogun and Sif.

            “Welcome, my friends!” Nerien shouted across the snow covered field. “Forgive the crude introduction to my lands! We don’t often receive friendly guests!” I wondered how they reacted when they saw the illusion.

            “Acting on the orders of the King of Asgard, I, Thor Odinson, order you to release that woman!” Thor boomed, Mjolnir ready in his grasp. Loki was so tense next to him, his eyes trained on me.

            “Just arrived and already lying, Son of Odin,” Nerien chuckled tightly. “We both know whose orders you’re acting on.”

            “Release her! You’ve one more chance!” Thor growled and Loki stepped forward. Sif and Hogun had their weapons ready as Nerien tilted his head at me.

            “Something you should be aware of. Not here for just a rescue mission…also here for an execution.” His whisper caused me to jolt when Thor appeared ready to charge and I dashed forward a few steps as the elf released my arm.

            “Stop!” I discovered my voice when I tossed both my arms up, the metal cuff gleamed on my wrist.

            “Come over to us,” Loki outstretched his hand and I shook my head vigorously. He stated my name firmly and I repeated the action.

            “I can’t.” I practically gasped when my voice grew heavy.

            “What did you do to her?!” Loki snarled while Thor grew all the more agitated.

            “Enough! Kneel in the snow and put up your hands.” The future king ordered and Nerien didn’t move behind me.

            “Listen to me!” I cried. “This isn’t what you think!”

            “How many trained warriors did your Elders send while they plot away in Asgard?” Came Nerien’s comment. “Trying to be rid of me, I imagine.”

            “Enough of this, I want this done.” Thor was marching forward with the others and I screamed this time.

            “ _Stop!_ ” The shrill sound echoed and Thor paused, a hard expression on his face before he grabbed Loki’s elbow and whispered something to which the prince replied quietly. “We thought we knew… We thought we were ahead… Thor, we didn’t…” I shook my head again, arms still up with my fingers splayed out. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at them, mere yards away now. “ _We were wrong_ ,” I choked out, my entire body shaken and not from the cold. Eyes wide, I stared at the warriors when wind whipped through my hair and I tried to keep my outstretched hands steady. “We were so wrong.” My voice broke when tears began to spill again.

            “Come here to me,” Loki found my gaze but I merely shook my head again like a defiant little girl, squeezing my eyes shut briefly.

            “Why not come into the castle and settle this like real diplomats, Odinson? Could use the practice.” Nerien piped up from behind me.

            “Why have you brought her here?” Thor didn’t move.

            “Think about what you’re seeing. Thor… I know you know that something more is going on here. Loki…the magic…I know you can see it. Please, believe me.” I sniffed hard. “I won’t let you execute him.”

            “Rather funny story. When I suggested her, your leading Elders happily agreed. Tried to get it done as quickly as possible without informing your younger brother. Curious. As if they knew warriors would come after her.” Nerien glanced at me when I turned my head briefly then back to Thor. “Perhaps getting the warriors and I out of the picture was most opportune for them. Get rid of me. Cover their dirty secrets. Seems we’ve all been used.”

            “Where are your people? Where is your army? What happened to your land?” Thor asked in a hard tone, ready for battle.

            “What would you do, younger Son of Odin, if you returned to your home to see it like this? Covered in the slaughtered bodies of your people and those you hold so dear.” When Loki glared at Nerien, the elf went on. “You would be standing where I am.”

            “We didn’t see any of it,” I muttered distantly, my arms dropping as I looked at the snow. “We should have known and come to their aid. Thor, you cannot kill him. I know you have orders but, you have to keep him alive. Arrest him and bring him back but you cannot kill this man.” I exhaled to calm myself. “An Elder on our council betrayed his people and caused their deaths… The magic concealing this land kept it a secret from us but…” I not only saw it.  _I felt it. All of it._  “It’s the truth. Look around you…” _Please, just let their faith in me be enough._

            “There is no possible way that the gatekeeper could not have seen just a flicker of it. He would have exposed it to our king.” Thor countered and Loki spoke next to him.

            “The technology here is vast, Thor, it is possible. I’ve never seen anything like that dome shrouding the land. Fascinating…”

            “You’re saying an entire race was brought down, right under our noses?” Sif added and Thor shifted his feet.

            “No matter what happened here, the people are dead. I want to know why.” He spoke and I felt some relief fill me.

            “Why did you not take down the illusion, elf?” Loki stepped forward. “Or do you not have the power to?”

            “To take it down could have disrupted our life-force and further destroyed the knowledge hidden in these walls. I could not allow it to be vulnerable while bandit tribes attempted to pillage.” Nerien replied. “He is more so curious then you,” the elf muttered to me alone, “not all for noble pursuits of knowledge either. No…such a hungry prince.”

            “You forced the King into Odinsleep and left the Queen out. Why?” Thor interrupted them.

            “How would I have gained my own revenge? Selfish. I know. Needed to conduct my studies of your Elders and keep them from simply being arrested so I could expose the corruption to everyone. Needed to know who exactly was involved. Will not stand for it to be shoved away. My people deserve payment in full. You all will see it now explicitly. Do you feel as if your eyes have been opened, Odinsons? You would not have had that if word simply came from your king. With a mere glance, I may have just rearranged your entire system of government. You should thank me. With an Elder council shoved aside, you will have more power. Will you be a great king, Thor Odinson? Or shall you always just be a good man?”

            “Thor, we need to leave this place.” Hogun spoke for the first time. 

            “If what he says is true, Asgard is vulnerable. You father must hear about this if the elf can release the Odinsleep.” Sif touched Thor’s broad arm. Thor opened his mouth to speak before a battle cry sounded in the distance. Nerien stepped in front of me and pushed me behind him in one swift movement, his arm across my torso.

            “What is that?” I asked quickly.

            “A problem.” He replied in a hard tone. “Seems you were not the only ones your dear Elders sent, Prince Thor.” I saw Thor turn to Hogun before the Vanir took off toward the trees. Sounds of battle echoed and I heard an explosion before a tree fell, smoke filling the sky. “Should you wish to live through this and take me back, I suggest we become allies.” Thor abruptly flew forward so fast, the air threatened to knock me over. Standing in front of Nerien, he spoke. 

            “I will kill you myself if this is a trick.”

            “In truth, I did not plan on the bandits. They are here to cause us issue and to get to what they believe is a source of unlimited power, hidden beneath the palace. They are going to come here and they will succeed if we do not go protect it.” A hand grabbed my wrist and yanked me away from Nerien.

            “Or we could simply leave you here to die in their hands,” Loki’s venomous glare didn’t seem to bother Nerien as I grabbed at his arm. The three Asgardians were all bundled up well for the cold.

            “Loki, enough. Our men and women are fighting out there and that battle will close in on us,” Thor spoke and before Loki could retort, he went on. “We keep him alive. For now.”

            “Nothing will be solved if we sit around talking,” Sif rushed us.

            “Sif, remain here with Loki, the others require me,” Thor began.

            “They will fare quite well without you, remain here.” Nerien stated as they struggled for power.

            “Sif.” Thor didn’t take his eyes from Nerien and Sif nodded.

            “Of course,” she glanced at me and rushed off. The fighting was slowly coming out of the trees and I lifted my wrist.

            “Get this off of me.” I tried not to sound frantic when Loki realized what the metal cuff did and pulled at it with gloved hands, his strength doing nothing.

            “No,” Nerien spoke and Thor grabbed his arm roughly.

            “You forget who is in charge here!”

            “You forget that your people are out there fighting for you, if we don’t protect the beacon, we both will lose. Now, shall we?” The elf smirked lightly and Loki stepped forward but Thor was already trudging away with Nerien’s arm in his grasp.

            “You’re still my prisoner.” Thor grunted.

            “I’ll take the cuff off her after you fill your end of the deal.”

            “You will come with us as our prisoner after and submit to questioning and a trial,” Thor commanded.

            “Thor, you don’t honestly believe-”

            “Know your place, brother!” Thor snapped, his rage fully coming to the surface before he turned to go. I saw Thor’s shoulders drop and felt the regret that hung in the air. Loki exhaled next to me, steeling himself instead before he took his place to Thor’s right.

** ** **

            “Where are we?” Loki was the first to ask when we reached the center of the palace.

            “Our…observatory.” Nerien was casting spells and I caught him pausing to abruptly rub his head before he turned around.

            “You wish for us to protect something that is already dead,” Thor gestured with Mjolnir to the lifeless sphere as Loki drew closer to it. The expression of sick intrigue on his face was one I knew well.

            “Loki, stay away from that,” I muttered, eyebrows quirking up and he put his hands were I could see them.

            “Just observing.” He set his hands behind his back.

            “I cannot sit here while bandits close in,” Thor burst out suddenly.

            “We are in here specifically because there are many ways to sneak into this palace now…after your Elders breached our trust!” Nerien grew heated and Thor stepped closer.

            “Name them! If you wish for our assistance, name them now!”

            “The one called Calder was the first.” Nerien stated instantly. "He was the stranger." My jaw fell open.

            “Calder is a frail, harmless old man. He barely says anything,” Loki countered.

            “Perhaps not to your face,” the elf replied and Loki stepped forward dangerously but my hand grasped at his sleeve so Nerien could finish. He looked at Thor and went on. “The ones called Maven, Erikur, and Torvar were involved.”

            “Maven and Erikur lead most of the meetings…they were both so happy to give me to you…” I piped up softly, I could hear the battle outside and saw Thor grow more agitated. Calder seemed so kind and odd. How could he have slipped past us?

            “What proof do you have of this? What good is your word to me after what you have done?” Thor gritted his teeth.

            “Really believe I’d come this far to lie? Still blind after all you have seen?” Nerien’s taller frame stood over Thor. “More proof will come in time.”

            “If you don’t believe his word…believe mine.” I added. “He showed me what happened… They killed everyone. Poisoned. I…I  _felt_  it. I can’t explain it.”

            “Well, we better come up with a damn good plan, I won’t idly wait around to be attacked while my warriors fight on the other side.” Thor turned to look up at the dome as it began to shake, vibrations echoing briefly.

            “Do these imbeciles even know what they are seeking?” Loki asked then.

            “They are not even fully informed on what it does. We do not have a power to be stolen, we’ve years of knowledge that cannot even be unlocked by such a being. It would take one with much experience.” The elf replied evenly. "But, I won't risk its destruction."

            “Knowledge is power but it is also money. Lots of it. The realms are full of buyers.” Loki shrugged and Nerien smirked wider when my eyes lifted.

            “So you know, I’m sure.”

            “If they do not know what they seek, how do they know…that,” the younger prince ignored him and glanced around the room, “that candlestick could be the source? Or that fine tapestry?”

            “Does this look to be something you would simply pass by?” Nerien tilted his head toward the dying orb.

            “No, but Loki is onto something,” Thor perked up. “Should we convince them that we’ve already gotten to your so-called power.”

            “Dear brother, you picked up so quickly, I’m impressed.” Loki clasped his hands.

            “Yes, well, save your grand compliments for later,” Thor glanced at Nerien, who was picking up an ornate silver box that was large enough to carry under one arm with ease. He ran his fingers across it like he was remembering a fond memory and sadness washed over me. The sounds of doors being ripped off their hinges in the distance caused us all to pick up the pace.

            “Important enough for you to hold our false power?” The elf cleared his throat when Thor nodded once.

            “We’ll get the attention of our soon-to-be guests and run that out of here like it has the power to turn water to gold.” Loki held out his arm but Nerien breezed past him and pushed it into my arms. “You will not allow her full range of her magic, but task her with this?”

            “Time will make it clearer to you. She will have you both for guards. Trust you’re not completely insignificant warriors.  _Oh, apologies._  Meant to be a compliment.” Nerien spoke when Thor grunted. “She will thank me for that metal cuff later.” Came his quiet comment and I opened my mouth to retort but the sounds of them closing in drew closer. “I can guard the room if you do your parts correctly. Go.” Nerien blinked at me once before he nodded and Loki took my arm to lead me away.

            “I will be coming back for you.” Thor threatened while he followed us out and I wanted to say something but, glanced at Nerien once more before I turned to go with Loki.

            “Will be waiting, Odinson.”

** ** **

            “Give me that,” Loki spoke when we were two rooms away and I clutched the box closer to my chest.

            “ _No_ ,” I replied pointedly, somewhat surprising myself. When he exhaled my name deliberately, Thor hushed us both before I could speak. We entered a hallway and he leaned over the balcony to listen to the sounds of footsteps below. “It’s mine.” I muttered when Loki raised an eyebrow at me. He let out a breath and I shook my head at him, shifting forward to slide my hand under his cloak. The young prince shot me a look of surprise when I touched his hip and felt around this clothing for a moment before I touched the handle of a hidden dagger and slid it from its sheath. “This is also mine.” I turned from him instantly, knowing full well that he had more hidden on him. Loki appeared the slightest bit entertained under his annoyance when Thor beckoned me over as he bent down. Setting Mjolnir at his feet, Thor kicked some debris out of the way and picked up a worn, leather sack before he stood and glanced at me.

            “Present that box to me,” he whispered when the doors below began to rattle with banging from the other side. Just as they burst open, Thor laughed forcefully which startled me as I held out the box. “My friends, Asgard's royal province will reap grand spoils from this victory once we get  _it_  back home.” I didn’t dare look at the silent bandits on the floor beneath us. Thor was putting the silver box away in the sack before he slung the strap across my chest so I could carry it on my back.

            “Seems as if you arrived too late, friends,” Loki leaned on the balcony lazily. “Should you leave, we will spare your lives. No promises.” I couldn’t find it within myself to speak so I clutched at the strap tighter.

            “Give up the prize and we won’t strike you down!” The bravest bandit stepped forward with his great sword drawn.

            “Will you?” Thor tested before one tossed a lit explosive device that the future king caught and abruptly crushed in his hand. It was near comical to watch their faces drop.

            “Go! Tell the others!” The first bandit turned and one raced out immediately before another order was given. “Kill them.” I had to dodge an arrow that surged between Thor and I before he jumped down with Mjolnir, not allowing Loki to stop him.

            “Dare I even ask you to stay here?” Loki asked in a rush.

            “No,” I shook my head as lightning struck the floor below, breaking a window to surge in. Loki abruptly took my hand and we jumped over the bannister together. The extra weight on my back caused me to land awkwardly on my feet but I recovered quickly and grabbed the handle of a war hammer directed at my body before jerking it back into the side of the bandit’s head. I wasn’t built for speed like Loki but I often found my wider frame to be quite sturdy in those moments when I compared myself to others. He dropped instantly as I turned back to see Loki already driving his elbow into a man’s face. A few more enemies trickled in and Thor spun Mjolnir to shatter a sword directed at his chest. Dagger in hand, I grunted to leap around the swing of a mace before I raised my leg and roughly kicked the man into Loki’s path. He fell upon the prince’s dagger and was tossed aside; Loki nodding at me once.

            “Who is next?” I heard Thor taunt behind me. Without warning, I smelled smoke and came to full attention when something rolled across the floor next to me. I kicked the device away before it exploded against the bottom of a pillar, cracks branched out when it began to tumble over.

            “Move!” I pushed against Loki’s back hard after he took another bandit down to get him out of the line of danger before falling backwards so I didn’t get crushed myself. Scrambling back into an open door while it rolled, the pillar got caught and wedged itself against the doorframe; effectively trapping me in the dark room when some light peeked over the top of the doorway. I could still hear Thor and Loki fighting when my name was called before another crash sounded followed by the loud bang of another pillar falling atop the first. The vibrations shook the room so I got to my feet and tried to push against the obstruction with no avail. A broad hand appeared though the small opening and I touched Loki’s knuckle.

            “Are you harmed?” He asked quickly, unable to grab me and search me for wounds as he usually did.

            “No. I'm stuck, I can't move this myself.”

            “Thor is scouting down the hall and then we’ll get you out of there,” came his fast reply as I adjusted the strap on my back with my free hand, realizing I’d dropped the dagger.

            “It’s dark in here, let me find a window,” I gave his hand a squeeze before crossing the room carefully and feeling around the wall. Finding the window shades, I yanked one down and briefly thought of Nerien as I saw the full battle painting the once peaceful snow outside. I about gasped at the sight of the chaos and numbers. We needed to get back to the palace. With the light, I found my dagger and slid it under the gold metal wrapped around my waist as a makeshift sheath for now. Mjolnir made contact with the pillar outside and unblocked the door when I spun. “We have to get out there now.” Thor passed me and gripped his hammer tighter at the sight.

            “They’ll hold up but they need me now,” he turned and pushed open the balcony door to go. "Brother, keep her safe, I'll pave a way."

            “No doubt that word has spread to get the woman in the blue dress with the  _so called power_  on her. Now give me it.” Loki stopped us and curled his fingers around the strap but I held onto it before he insisted.

            “If they’re chasing me outside, then they’ll leave the palace alone. I can keep them convinced for awhile longer.”

            “I won’t have you as their target,” Loki countered, his firm voice raising.

            “It's too late for that. I’m not letting you take this,” my own tone grew louder.

            “I will not let you play with your life like this!” He took my shoulders as if to shake some sense into me.

            “But, this is  _my_  choice, Loki!” I pushed at him hard and let out the breath I was holding when he met my gaze. “…And not even you can take that away from me…” The prince blinked at me a moment before his gaze averted and he gestured for me to follow Thor out. The older prince hurried and readied to spin Mjolnir.

            “I’ll see what I can do about containment as well, get her on a path away from the palace.” He nodded to Loki once and flew off with a gust of cold wind.

            “They’ll spot you and begin attacking in groups, I’ll have your back but do not run too far ahead when they separate us.”

            “Keep up with me,” I glanced at Loki before his lip quirked up and he held out his hand.

            “Just as well.”

            We jumped together again to join the chaos below.

** ** **

            Yes, I said it once and I’ll say it again. Speed was not my strong suit. But, history shows that I’m rather good at surviving.

            My dress was shredded to pieces at the bottom so I gave up trying to bunch up the fabric between my fingers. When a bandit stepped into my path, I ran faster toward him and hardened my gaze. With my first exhale, I grabbed him by the helmet and jerked his face down to greet my knee with a sickening crack. My next exhale came when I sunk my dagger into the now exposed skin of the back of his neck. Blood and melting snow covered my dress while I ran around the battle, the bag jostling on my back as I dared to glance back at Loki picking off two enemies behind me. Slowing, I caught a large bandit raising his battle-axe to strike the back of an Asgardian warrior before I leapt on his back and stabbed him at least nine times in the chest until I brought him down.

            The warrior turned and I didn’t falter when Herlof met my gaze.

             My next cold breath puffed while I stared at him, my chin tilting as if to nod before I turned to continue running, neither of us uttering a word. When I glanced back at Loki, four bandits drew closer to him and I felt myself pause to turn back and help. Stopping one, I drove my dagger into the flesh where the neck met the shoulder and yanked the woman back by the metal of her armor when she shrieked.

            “Keep going!” Loki ordered when three more approached us and I dared to get closer to him as he fought them off. “Get lost, I said!”

            “No!” I yelled back, elbowing a man in the face before I drove my foot into his knee and heard the bone snap backwards.

            “Behind you!” Loki called when I turned as he lifted his hand to use magic at the same time my hair was grabbed. Letting out a cry of surprise, I kicked while I was lifted when a blade drew to my neck, forcing Loki to pause. The muscled man towered over me, forcing me to drop my dagger so I grabbed at his arms. Instead, he cut the strap from my shoulder and tossed me aside. Growling, I jumped up and dove for the metal box as he pulled it from the sack, forcing it to smack against his nose hard. Yanking backwards, I got him to let go before I rolled across the snow and got up to run again. He yelled after me and pointed so Loki picked up a fallen war axe and drove it into the back the beastly man’s skull.

            The bandit’s numbers finally began to dwindle as the battle cries from Asgardians around me mixed with the orchestra of weapons clashing. Something snapped around my knees and jerked, causing me to fall forward and drop the box with a hard crash into snow. Snapping from my daze after I painfully hit the ground, I turned and caught the next painful strike of the whip as it wrapped around my arm. Looking into the eyes of my attacker, I yanked the whip from his grasp and felt powerful for a moment. Loki was fighting desperately not far behind him when another enemy joined in. A second problem arose as I backed up and drew closer to a snowy ledge behind me, not having much of a place to run anymore. Deciding that I was far from the palace, I didn’t move when the box was picked up.

            “ _Bitch_!” He exclaimed upon opening it and my lips quirked up.

            “ _Oops_ ,” came my taunting reply so he tossed it over the ledge behind me and dove to grab me by the neck. Loki called my name and the second ran to join the large group the younger prince was fighting off. Lighting struck the middle of the battle and shook everything in sight as I clawed at the bandits hands, my dagger lost in the snow. My knee surged between his legs and he howled in pain, releasing me before a second pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and lugged me backwards.

            “Kill her!” The bandit yelled while the hands tried to go around my neck, fingers moving around my jaw as I struggled madly. I beat at the man’s arms so he brought me against his chest and grunted. My heart suddenly accelerated and the moment his finger drew closer to my lips, I abruptly jerked my head forward and bit into it at the knuckle.

            When I began to taste blood, he screamed.

            When he continued to scream, I dug my teeth into his flesh harder. Blood poured into my mouth. Stringy muscles and skin tore as they stretched apart. And finally, when I felt the joint pop, I wrenched my head away violently and ripped the finger off completely. The metallic liquid coated my lips and dribbled down my chin when he tossed me forward. Hair wild around my head, I got to my feet and looked at him; a menacing expression crossing my face before I spit out his finger in front of him. Blood coated my teeth and I probably looked utterly feral and terrifying. Something dark within me  _loved_  it. He kept yelling as he held his wounded hand before tackling me down into the snow. I grabbed the first rock within my reach and smacked it across his temple. Trying to crawl atop him, I was grabbed by the other bandit, who finally recovered, and I kicked wildly. I caught Loki’s gaze briefly across the way. He fought harder when I turned to punch the bandit.

            “Enough of this!” The second one raged so he grabbed me above the elbows and lifted me up. My heart dipped down. He tossed me just as my eyes met the ledge of the snow covered cliffside.

            “ _Loki…_?!” I cried without thinking as the toe of my boot just barely brushed the edge and I exhaled sharply, the sound turning to a whimper.

            And then I was falling.

            The second I looked at the sky, I felt everything engulfing me slow down until even the snow seemed to pause while it fell around me. The sounds of battle replaced with dead silence and I was still falling as my heartbeat suddenly drew like long breaths. My dress billowed and I reached up passed the falling snow, toward an unforgiving sky that did not even try to reach back for me. 

            I was still falling and I couldn’t process my thoughts, I couldn’t use magic to stop it. I could only taste blood in my mouth and feel the unsettling freeze of the air around me as I resented that cold sky. Tears left my cheeks with the whimper from my mouth. No one heard it. No one but me. My heart sped once more and I couldn’t draw enough breath to scream when a thought broke through the silent chaos.

            I accepted, finally, that the only one who could ever break my fall would be me.

            Grass and snow did little to cushion my body when it hit. Though it felt like ages, the drop was not enough to shatter me across the snow. In fact, I gasped for breath, held it, and felt completely numb when I couldn’t exhale. Wide eyed and sprawled out, I was still looking at that frozen sky above me when the damn pain still refused to register. The snow was still falling around me and the numb became almost peaceful as my hair and dress lie splayed around my form. I was one with the earth. The realization that the very last thing I wanted is for the moment to be disrupted hit me harder than my body hit the ground.

            I wanted to stay in this awful moment, where the pain and guilt were long gone. Where I didn’t have to think about words like fear and trauma. I didn’t need to be saved here at the bottom, I’d pick myself up eventually. Surely I would. But, I just didn’t want anyone here but me and the snow I’ve ruined. Like the snow, I was a force of nature and when I got up, it could be my witness. I just wanted to hold onto the peace for a few minutes longer. So, I stayed there, probably looking terrifying and perhaps even a little beautiful as I blinked up at the sky. Hitting the bottom of the cliff was hard, but getting up entailed all the pain that would crackle along my bones like fire. I wanted to give up and be allowed to take some rest for once. Surely, I trusted myself to go on another day. Just not this moment.

            My dream was finally interrupted as Loki’s voice brought me back from oblivion. My body almost arched up when the agony set in and my head pounded. Loki’s tone was laced in fear that was every bit for me. Blinking, I spotted him at the top of the ledge, looking down at me. There was this tiny moment, just as I heard the first syllable when everything came reeling back, where I  _hated_  him for it. I wish I knew where that came from.

            Forcing myself to turn over, Loki’s voice fell upon deaf ears. Pain burned up my spine and swirled around my ribcage before a cry escaped my lips. Touching my shoulder gingerly, I shook as my free fist hit the ground and I let out the earth-rattling scream I’d been holding in for hours. Ice cracked and fell down all around me. A figure kneeled down in front of me and I looked up to see Loki with his arms outstretched in a calming gesture. The fall wasn’t far but I didn’t know how he got down here. My blood boiled again and I lunged at him only to go through the illusion.

            “I’m getting assistance-look at me!” The copy called me to attention suddenly as I turned my head. “Focus!” Breathing heavily, I cooled off and the thought hit me.

            “Nerien…” I exhaled. “Is-?”

            “I see warriors bringing him out in chains… He’s perfectly fine.”

            “Don’t let them hurt him,” I stood abruptly and leaned on the rocks for support.

            “Sit back down,” the illusion commanded.

            “You’re not real, you don’t get to order me around.” I snapped back. “Even if you were real, you still don’t get to order me around!” I fingered the metal cuff around my wrist and glared. I wasn’t even sure of who I was so angry at, I just knew I was angry. I just knew I wanted to burn something down.

            “Rest, they’re coming to get you.”

            “I don’t need you to  _pretend_  comfort me until the real you gets back here,” I spoke ruefully, eyes sliding back to the copy of Loki. When he appeared taken back, I shook my head and exhaled a calmer breath. “I’m sorry…” I swallowed and looked up at him before I spoke. “Loki, I…” He furrowed his brow and dissipated before my eyes, causing my chest to tighten.  _Okay, I deserved that…_  I sniffed and lowered my eyes while Thor landed near me, pacing over to check me for injuries. He smelled of blood and fury when I put my arm up.

            “Are you-?”

            “ _I’m fine!_ ” I didn’t look him in the eye when my voice caused him to pause. “Before you take me up there… I need to make sure you’re not going to kill him.” Thor glanced down at Mjolnir in his grasp before nodding.

            “You have my word.”

** ** **

            “I want to see him now so I can get this cuff off of me.” I insisted as Loki paced the room we were in. The massive barge vessel that the Asgardian warriors took here was now carrying us back. Many separating to nurse wounds and clean up when Loki brought me into one of the many rooms. I hadn’t seen Nerien yet but I knew they’d locked him up and taken his vehicle as well.

            “You will not allow anyone to check you for wounds. You will not rest. How-?”

            “I’ll rest when I get back, I just want this off now,” Loki just kept  _looking_  at me but, I’d barely spared him a glance since I’d reunited with him. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone after what had happened. The Elders were sitting in high chairs and we let that happen. I took his cloak from my shoulders and laid it down as he nodded finally and brought me out. We walked the hallway and the Asgardian guarding the door allowed me in with Loki next to me. With the exception of a bleeding temple, Nerien looked messy but fine.

            “At last.” He mused, reaching out for my wrist. Merely waving his hand, light prickled over the cuff and it fell from me. As I stared at Nerien, I didn’t think twice when Loki bent over and pocketed the device.

            “Can I have a few minutes alone with him?” I asked quietly. Loki, not in the mood to fight for once, didn’t even try looking at me as he left. I sat across from Nerien while chains clanked around his wrists.

            “What did you do to me?”

            “Now is not the time.” He replied carefully and anger flashed across my expression.

            “I want the truth,” I hissed.

            “Will get it. In time. Often we must discover truths on our own.” Nerien stared at me, brow furrowing in the slightest so I stood.

            “What you said to me…about the cuff. I’d  _thank_  you for it.” I looked down at my hand and clenched it into a fist before turning back to him. “That is something men say before they hurt you.”

            “Must not have disappointed,” Nerien stated evenly, his gaze locked on mine. Something glistened in his eyes with emotion as we both realized it. The lengths one goes to for justice and revenge. 

            “They never do. So much for not possessing women.” I tried to pretend I didn’t hear Nerien’s soft sob when the door closed behind me. Bitter, I left the room and found my way back to the one Loki had brought us to see him not there. Without closing the door, I sat down and put my head in my hands to gather myself a moment. Messy hair fell into my face and I turned toward a mirror to see the tired girl gazing back. I lowered my eyes briefly as she did before straightening up and pulling out something to tie my unruly hair away from my face. Hands shaken, I couldn’t properly gather up my matted locks and cursed under my breath. Truth be told, my sore back hurt worse when I lifted my arms. “ _Pfft_ …” Exasperated, I let my elbows drop to the table and ran my tongue across my teeth; the taste of blood was still so fresh.

            “May I assist?” A low baritone took me from my thoughts and I whipped my head around to see Hogun standing in the doorway. “You should see a healer as well.”

            “I’ll be fine…” I hesitated before glancing down at the hair tie in my hand. “I…would appreciate your assistance though.” Being a man of few words, Hogun nodded once and crossed over to help gather my hair together.

            “The elf. What he said. It is true, is it not? All of it.” He spoke in his usual grim tone and I eyed him in the mirror for a moment.

            “I believe him…” I whispered softly after a moment when he finished and stood there still.

            “Then, just as well, so do The Warriors Three. You have our weapons at your side.”

            “I wasn’t sure anyone else on this vessel fully believed the story.”

            “Too many questions have been raised.” Hogun replied as I met his gaze in the mirror. “Asgard will never be the same. This will rippled through the realms.”  He clenched his fists a little and added. “Surely, the failure is partly on all of us for not protecting what we’ve sworn to protect. We've saved worlds but we cannot ensure the safety of our own home and it's many diverse people. This could have occurred anywhere.” Knowing what he was referring too, I turned to face him.

            “I’m sorry.” I stated then. “That you have to be away from your family on Vanaheim. I can’t imagine.” I paused when he nodded.

            “I can say that days like this make my heart ache more for them,” came Hogun’s truthful words.

            “Perhaps, there will be a better way to keep in contact with our allies there… We travel often but, not often enough considering the circumstances.”

            “Not often enough,” he agreed before I quirked my lips up.

            “Thank you.” I touched my hair absentmindedly.

            “Rest well,” Hogun tilted his chin down briefly before he touched my shoulder. Our skin made contact and I went completely ridged in my seat when something flooded my chest.

_Longing. So much longing._

_Fear._

_Anger._

_Desperation._

_Desperation to not believe that this is all happening._

_Force the thoughts away._

_Stay composed for Asgard._

            Frozen, my vision blurred briefly when something more swirled within my head. I could see the faces of Hogun’s wife and child. Hear the promises of  _see you again soon, my love_.  Hogun, so strong and loyal and torn between his head and weapon in Asgard, but his heart so often in Vanaheim. Our contact broke and I must have exhaled sharply because Hogun leaned over and asked if I was well.

            “ _Yes_!” I squeaked. _What just happened to me?_ “Why do you ask?”

            “You…You are weeping.”

            _“Oh…”_ I wiped my eyes and shook my head, turning away from him. “I… A lot has happened and I…”

            “I understand.” He straightened up and wished me well once more before I bid him goodbye. The moment… It felt so far away and so brief but I was certain I felt it and my eyes went wide. I got up and shut the door, pressing my back against it so I could get myself together.  _I felt his emotions_ , came my realization, _or something along that line_. I looked down at my hands, skin twitching over the bones and muscles as they shook.

            I had seen just a distant fraction of his heart and soul.

            “Nerien, what did you do to me?” I whispered aloud. My lips parted and I shook my head again. _Gods._ I sniffled to further pull myself together before I crumbled. Crossing the room in an instant, I burrowed myself under Loki’s cloak on the tiny cot and curled up as if to make myself as small as I could. Restless, I wasn’t anywhere near sleep when the door opened and quiet footsteps moved in. I turned my head reluctantly and met Loki’s sobered gaze.

            “We held a small meeting and Thor relayed what we knew. Most of it.” He began and I swallowed. “We’re keeping it a secret, lest we alert the Elders of a possible damn uprising. If we don’t handle this carefully, it will fall apart.”

            “The Elders will get away with it if they know that we’re suspicious…” I agreed.

            “What happened between you and that elf before we arrived?”

            “…I’m still not sure… But, I know his story is true. He…showed me… He showed me everything.” I paused and quickly added. “Calder will try to have him killed when we arrive back. Nerien must have promised large boons for his survival. Elders won't let this go much farther.”

            “As I understand it, my brother will not allow that. He’ll get everyone to petition to hold off until father  _awakens_. Though, attempts on the elf’s life will be made.” Loki seated himself by my legs. “Whatever happens, I need you to stay level and stand back for a while. The Elders will rip you apart when you stand as witness. We need time.”

            “ _Let them try_ ,” I stated bitterly under my breath. “We need more proof. What more can we do?”

            “Thor is going to ask you to convince him to awaken father later,” Loki spoke and I nodded.

            “What if Nerien disagrees?”

            “He must or he will die and whatever the truth may be, it will not be known,” was all he offered.

            “Do you believe in me still?” I murmured, causing his gaze to snap to mine.

            “I still have thoughts of ripping that elf apart for what he did with you. I want to remain skeptical after what we have all seen. I imagine many others do as well.” Loki’s words made me think of Hogun briefly. “But, it appears we’ve already come too far. But, I… You will forever have me at your side.  _Of course_ , above all of this I believe in you.” He reached into one of his pockets and pulled something out. “This mysteriously fell from the sky and tangled itself around a warrior’s helmet. Thought I should return it.” I smiled a little when he dropped my key in my hand.

            “I didn’t think I’d see it again. I was trying to get help…just before we left.” I stated as I put it around my neck.

            “He  _kidnapped_  you.”

            “I was trying to put it lightly.”

            “Yes, you’ve a habit of that,” Loki replied briskly and I winced. I did.

            “Just as well, I need my fellow Asgardians to not let their… _feelings_  toward Nerien sway their judgment for what’s right…” My voice grew quieter and I prayed for the strength Asgardians like Thor had when they stated their opinions.

            “Perhaps you should be sitting on the throne and stating those words.” He smirked lightly as I rubbed my tired eyes and settled myself.

            “We don’t need thrones to do the right thing,” I inhaled softly against the pillow under my head. “The throne isn’t what is keeping your father’s head level.”

            “No, that would be my mother.” Loki’s words made me chuckle. “Get some rest now until we arrive back.” He touched my arm over the blanket and I tensed up, our skin so close. I eyed Loki’s other hand and considered putting mine over it. Curiosity swelled and I instead clutched his cloak to me, twisting the fur between my fingers rhythmically.  _Would I be invading his privacy by experimenting? Gods, no, I already don’t like the sound of that._ Deciding not to bother for now, I closed my eyes and continued to shift the fur between my fingers.

            “All right,” I stated, my eyes elsewhere when he got up and seated himself in a chair across the room. With his back to me, I let out the breath I’d been holding and closed my eyes tightly for a moment. Focusing on the soft fur of Loki’s cloak while I held it to me and stroked it like a child would touch a stuffed bear. I enjoyed touching things. Running my fingers over tree bark or blades of grass. Tracing the pads of skin down silken cloth or sleek wooden desktops. The stimulation almost focused me. Calmed me even. I eyed the back of Loki’s head, dark hair shifting slightly as he did in his chair. The black locks I enjoyed running my fingers through repeatedly. Always from root to tip.

            The little positive habits had been with me since I was so young. Stemming partly from negative ones that spurred also as I grew stressed. Tugging at my hair in repeated motions. Scratching at my skin excessively when the world became too loud. The simple self-stimulation turning slowly to self-mutilation.

            But this. This was nice. I kept petting the fur until the action became more idle as I lulled myself to sleep.

** ** **

            “What do you want me to say to him?”

            “I’ve attempted to reason with him for an hour,” Thor explained, hiding his exasperation. “He seems to trust you so you need to make him understand that if he does not wake father right away...”

            “I get it, I’ll try,” I rubbed my head. “How long do we have until we arrive back?”

            “Under an hour,” Thor dug through a sack and pulled out a large pear before he offered it to me. “Eat something. Loki stated that you hadn’t yet. You need your strength.” He handed me a small cutting knife then.

            “So I’ve heard lately…” I smiled a little at him. “Thank you. Any ideas for me before I go in?”

            “Threat and strength do not work, I felt powerless,” Thor smirked lightly at me and I let out an amused breath. “ _Almost_.”

            “I hope you tried saying  _please_ first.”

            “Certainly, for it was the first lesson mother taught Loki and I.” The damn sun shined when Thor smiled.

            “Yes, she did. Obviously some take to it better than others,” I shrugged and passed him, my fingers twisting the stem of the fruit in my hand. “See you soon.”

            “Good luck.” The stem popped off just as the doors opened and Nerien tilted his head at me.

            “Enter at your own risk of leaving disappointed.” He began when the doors shut and locked behind me. “Not here to dent the table further. I had friends that would marvel in awe at the future king’s strength.”

            “Your friends have that in common with most of Asgard,” I sat down across from him, glancing at the angry dent in the table.

            “They would have…” He added distantly. “Surprised he didn’t try to beat it out of me.”

            “Thor is hot headed and frightening but not abusive. He just wants the best for all of us. I cannot imagine the guilt he must feel now. But, he's a good person and he'll be a good King. One day.”

            “Such fine qualities, would you not agree?” His black eyes searched mine. “Will you not be fighting me now?”

            “I’m hungry,” I started cutting the pear in half without bothering to look at Nerien before I offered one half to him. When he hesitated, I spoke. “Don’t make me eat alone. I don’t enjoy feasting at a table if I’m the only one eating.”

            “Appreciated.” He took it finally, the cuffs clicking together on his wrists and I merely nodded, already chewing on my first bite.

            “So, you know why I’m here and I know why I’m here and we both already know that the answer will be no. Since we have that out of the way, can you at least tell me why you’re doing this?”

            “A full trial would take far too long with the little proof you have.”

            “Little proof? We have your story and the entire province of yours in shambles. If the King even sees it, he’ll-”

            “Call for the arrests, yet your four guilty elders will be off and far away from your land. Cannot risk it.” Came his retort before he took another bite and I sat back.

            “What more proof do you need?”

            “Do you enjoy flowers?” Nerien began after a moment and I raised a hand in protest.

            “We don’t have time for you to do this-”

            “Say you enjoy a lovely evening, perhaps by a pond.” He went on passively, eyes looking past me. “Find a flower. Take it home. Press it into a book. Weeks or years later, it falls out when you open the book again and you find yourself remembering with such fondness…the time you spent…” He trailed off and changed his tone. “Why did you come here?”

            “Why did I feel my friend’s emotions when we touched?” I asked bluntly and the smirk flickered in his void-like eyes.

            “How was it?”

            “How was what?” I tossed the remnants of my pear away.

            “Seeing a soul? Hope it didn’t knock you down.”

            “Thankfully, I was seated. You did something to my head…”

            “And your heart, if you must know,” he shrugged. "It was always within you somehow. I merely crack the floodgates."

            “Why did you do this to me? What…What is it?”

            “Dearest Asgardian… Have you really not figured it yet?” He blinked at me and my next exhale shook with annoyance as I sat back.

            “It’s no use asking you what I’m supposed to figure so let me guess… All in good time?”

            “Fast learner. Will come in handy soon.”

            “Nerien, you’re not making it easy for me to help you.”

            “Yet, I imagine you shall push through that.” One of his hands stretched out toward me. When his fingers beckoned for mine, I reluctantly slid my hand across the table to rest it against his. Nerien gripped to me more forcefully and I gasped when the sensation flooded my chest again.

             _So tense._  My spine locked up just feeling the pure tension radiating off him.

            “What do you see?” He quipped.

            “You’re… I’m…” I couldn’t see much of anything initially. I could only feel. I blinked and swallowed when looked at him. So utterly composed along the surface. But, on the inside, much like me, Nerien was a storm. A natural disaster to be avoided, lest you wish for it to consume you and pick you apart. Nerien lifted my hand and hesitated.

            “Allow my assistance.” He spoke evenly before my fingertips touched the skin of his temple. A fire exploded along my heart and followed the path of my veins when I felt his sweltering rage. I didn’t hear myself cry out softly as he kept his hand over mine, pressing it along the side of his head. I felt the type of rage strong enough to toss realms from the very branches of Yggdrasil. It made Nerien’s ever so composed expression that much more frightening. Again, I was seeing the faces of those he loved. The horrid sights he glimpsed when he arrived back to his home. They came and went like flashes of light across my eyes and my own rage came to the surface as I ripped away. Jilted, I blinked as the feeling faded when I looked up at him hushing me softly.

            “It will improve… The  _absorption_  of emotions, so to speak. Somewhat inevitable, I imagine.” Nerien was able to keep calm, I wanted to dive over the table and throttle him. I wondered if this was how others felt around me on occasion. Like they wanted to shake me until my real emotions came to the surface.

            “You are  _ruining_  me,” I breathed finally.

            “Still, it frightens you that I can see straight through you in a way that no one ever has.” It wasn’t a question. His bluntness brought back some of the anger. “See you trying to conceal your empathy along with all else but, alas, it is futile… See you feeling everything so deeply that you can  _scarcely_  bring it to the surface.”

            “No, no… You see nothing.  _Nothing_ ,” I hissed and stood, my chair skidding. “You’re letting me do your tasks. Trusting me with your knowledge. Letting me take charge when this can easily fall apart. When it can simply get you killed.”

            “Of course I am.” His brow twitched up, voice rumbling softly. “Seems my heart beats are proof of your success. We’re nearly there.”

            “ _Success_ ,” I laughed distantly. “I won’t be able to stop taking steps forward until this is over…and you’ve known that.”

            “Yes.”

            “So, I’m your pawn.” I decided, tilting my head at him.

            “Never a pawn.” He voiced carefully and I blinked before continuing.

            “What am I to you, if not a pawn?” His answer wasn’t hesitant.

             _“Equal.”_

** ** **

            “As I said, my lord. I know nothing.” I announced indifferently. “That… _elf_  took me to his land but our own brave warriors arrived in time just as the bandits did. They fought valiantly for my safety and brought us back. The princes were so very brave.” I was sickly sweet. 

            “You see, my lady, giving you away was a mere  _guise_  to uncover that elf’s secrets. We believed him to be an enemy of Asgard. Murdered his own kin and escaped to us as a fugitive.” Erikur persuaded evenly. I’ve heard my fair share of lies so I didn’t react. Calder was staring pointedly at me and giving nothing away. Maven and Torvar were the same and I suppressed my feelings with ease. I hated them. I hated them all.

            "We are glad you displayed such a vast fortitude." Calder stood and came down to me. "We ask with humble hearts...for an apology." He touched his chest and bowed, so regal.

            "Is it not me you should apologize to high council. Not this day." I was cool and compressed into a tiny box. Calder reached up with thin fingers to brush my curls aside as he often did. They spilled through his digits and swept behind my shoulder.

             "Such a pretty, exotic girl. You've pleased us today." Calder turned to take his place. "You will do right by Asgard."

             "I plan to." I lifted my lips, skin crawling unpleasantly. “I pray His Majesty wakes and honors us with a just trial.” I bowed my head. I needed Nerien to survive the next few days while I got my thoughts in order. But, I knew I didn’t have that much time.

            “We just need to be sure that you are still for Asgard. That  _creature_  could have easily filled your head with nonsense. The elf is manipulative and greedy for power obviously. Should you continue to serve us all, we can ensure that you remain at the side of Prince Loki.” Maven’s voice was smooth. Four murderers sat on the council for ages and we let that happen.  _I hated them._  “Perhaps, even allow you to marry his Highness and bear his sons.”

            “I assure you that I will always hold Asgard’s best interests at heart. I took an oath to protect it and that is what I will always strive to do as warrior and civilian.” My voice was soft and almost eerily calm when I thought of something Nerien had stated multiple times. “I can say that whatever that elf has done, he will receive payment in full in the end. Asgard will not stand for such treachery. We're blessed to have the high council looking after our...best interests.” They would kill Nerien. Draw out Odin's time so Thor could not be rid of them. Ruin Asgard further with old ways. My generation deserved better.

            “Smart girl. Continue to fight for us and for Asgard and we shall heavily consider giving you fully to Prince Loki.” Maven continued sweetly and my hands clenched. I was a mere possession to them so they could use both those close to me and I. I had to hide under that cover until this ended.

            “Yes, my lady. Thank you.” I was all teeth. "For everything. I've finally touched clarity."

** ** **

            “According to Thor, the elf is under lock and key in the dungeons until his supposed trial,” Loki muttered as I watched him from across his chambers. The cold sky rumbled outside behind him. “He put two personal friends as guards.”

            “The Elders believed him?”

            “For now. If your little friend doesn’t bring father back from sleep, they will torture and flog him.”

            “I couldn’t convince him.” I stared down at my hands, leaning against the wall of his bed chambers.

            “What is he playing at?” Loki spoke dryly, standing quickly to face me.

            “I don’t know anymore.” I shrugged passively and rubbed my eyes. The dirty dress was still adorning my body and I cringed as I looked down at it. “I think I’m going to go back to my room…for tonight.” I had to force myself to look at his face. “A lot happened…and I need to change and I need to think about…Asgard.” I held myself and stepped closer to him but still kept my distance. “What I said to you…when you sent an illusion to watch me after I fell. It was a horrible thing to say and-”

            “You did not mean it, I know,” Loki insisted, waving it off and I swallowed my nerves back down. “I would feel better if,” he barely paused, “you stayed.” He clasped his hands, tapping his thumb along his opposite palm idly. When I searched for the words and didn’t move, Loki spoke once more. “Goodnight then.”

            “Look, I know…that this is bringing us further apart. And I don’t want it too. I know you’re still skeptical… I want to be too. I don’t want to believe that Asgard has let four murders…” I didn’t continue. “I also know that you want to keep me safe, but-”

            “Good, then we do not need to discuss it further tonight.” His quick words surprised me and I blinked, my steps shifting away as insecurity gripped both of us to force us even further apart.

            “I’ll go then… Goodnight.” Fearfully, I didn’t move to kiss or embrace him as Loki turned his head away. I touched the doorknob and closed my eyes briefly before I uttered, “I love you.”

            “I love you as well,” he responded softly so I left and made my way back as quickly as I could. Locking my door, set my head against it and pulled myself together like I always had to do. Sniffling, I started a small fire with shaken fingers before I gripped at the fabric over my shoulder and tore at it. With an ugly sound, the beautiful fabric shredded apart easily when I ripped it more viciously from my body. I hated this damn gown. Clawing it off my frame, I wiggled out of it and tossed it into the fire before the rest of my clothes followed. Sitting on my knees nude, I was merely this dirty, angry woman; attempting to hold herself together. The flames bathed my face in light as the once pristine dress burned away in layers, metal pieces glowing white hot. It was the most comforting thing I’d seen all night. I wanted to jump in the fire and shed my layers of fear and insecurity. Of hatred and melancholy. But, I knew everything else I liked about myself would go with it. I needed fear to create bravery and I needed hate to know love. It was just who I was. I needed balance. I wished for an outlet. The dress was in ashes and I was still here. And I was  _so_  angry. In an instant, something became clear.

            Nerien’s revenge was slowly becoming mine.

            In the bath, I didn’t bother to heal the bruise, branching out like vines across my back. I also didn’t bother clothing myself as I dried off and got into bed. “We’re nearly there…” I repeated Nerien’s words to the dark as the fire dwindled. “You have more to show me…don’t you? Before I can help you… Tell me what I need to do.” My knuckles turned white as I bunched up the fabric of my blankets. I closed my eyes tightly and knew sleep wouldn’t be coming to me soon so I practically flew up from the bed. Twisting the sheet around myself, I dug through my bookcase, knocking things to the floor until I found the small vial hidden in a wooden box along with a few others. A sleeping potion. Eyes wide, I gulped the whole thing down and dropped it, glass scattering. When I didn’t feel the effects instantly, I gulped down another without thinking and stumbled forward. I clutched my blankets and the second vial to my chest as I fell against the mattress and crawled forward. The world blurred instantly when my head felt light until I fell onto my stomach. I reached out with my free arm and had to close my eyes, my mind falling away from the world within seconds.

** ** **

            My body soared through the dream. I was in the damn snow again. In another fine dress instead of my sheets.  _Even in my dreams_ , I thought. A shadow loomed over me and I recognized Nerien instantly, his expression stern as he bent down.

            “Nerien,” I began.

            “Outsider. Who are you? How did you come to our land?”

            “I…” I shrank away and his gaze softened. “I don’t…know…” An Asgardian barge lay destroyed next to me and I recognized the familiar scene immediately as a diverse group of elves gathered, all looking defensive. “Just like…how you arrived to our main province…” I muttered.

            “What?”

            “Is this how you treat all of your guests?” I about echoed his words.

            “ _Guest_  implies an invitation.” He quipped smartly, eyes blinking before another voice cut over us.

            “Nerien, do not frighten the Asgardian, my friend.” The elf who approached through the small crowd was the most regal man I’d ever seen. Familiar gold hair caught a thin veil of light as I looked upon their leader. “This one would appreciate a closer look. An introduction perhaps?”

            “Tandil,” Nerien’s voice was fond. “What good are palace guards if you do not permit them to protect you when you leave the palace?”

            “If this one cannot protect himself, how will his people ever feel safe?” The King countered. “You know this one’s curiosity,” his smile was truly charming.

            “All too well,” Nerien mused, bowing his head. “What to do with her, my King?” I blinked, realizing that I’d been staring this whole time as Tandil beckoned for me to rise. The moment I did, the scene swirled around me like smoke and I was in their throne room. Alone with Tandil now, I tried to steady my heart when it accelerated painfully.

            “You’re all in danger,” I found my voice and paced toward him, “there are others like me who-” I gasped when he abruptly took my face in his hands, clawed fingers pressing along my temple. Was I with his ghost? Large amber eyes searched as Nerien’s once did before he spoke distantly.

            “It has already begun.” Tandil tilted my face up to bring me closer before he whispered. “Nerien has sent you down the path. This one now believes in you as he does.” He released me when the scene changed once more, a man I recognized was standing over a large well and pouring something foul down it.

            “Calder,” I gasped. He didn’t appear to notice or hear us as I shifted to the well to watch him poison the water.

            “Started with water… Much of the food followed after. Spread through our villages like a plague.” Tandil muttered and the scene shifted. Calder’s shadow loomed in a tent as he spoke heatedly with three others, I guessed they were the other elders involved. I picked up on words like “ _too_   _powerful_ ” and “ _greater good of Asgard_.” “Children succumbed the fastest.”

            I was watching Tandil mourn one of his children once more. The Tandil next to me, looked away and closed his eyes as I watched the next scene of him holding his dying lover. The larger frame almost frail in his arms. Another scene showed Erikur and Maven looting houses as bandits ravaged a village area and elves fought them off. Calder and Torvar soon joined them and there was a moment when the scene slowed and I was sure Calder smirked at me. Just as he pulled a large bound book out of his bag, I was whisked away to a palace hallway.

            “How can I get more proof…?” I turned and Tandil was not there. “Where are you?” I heard music and followed it to a grand ballroom. Elves danced like nothing was wrong. I caught sight of golden hair across the room, Tandil’s back to me through the dancing couples and moved to go to him. The room changed as I crossed it: people falling to their knees, light dimming, music became scratchy against my ears, food spoiled, and the room began to look as it did when I was here. Decayed. People rotted around us but Tandil was still standing there with his back to me.

            “Hair…” He murmured. “He cut it…” Sniffles could be heard from him as I reached out to touch his back. “My lost love always adored this one’s hair…” Tandil turned abruptly and my scream was cut off when I put my hands over my mouth. Half of his regal face was rotten and sunken. His one good eye blinked at me as he tugged a lock of his hair that was crudely cut off at the bottom. “Have you seen Nerien? He promised us all…that…” Tandil reached for me with a bony hand. “He would return…”  A tear fell from his rotted eye socket. “And our people would live on…somehow. He was not the last of us.” Tandil turned to ashes when he touched me. The room was empty when I turned around, the dying elves gone as I stepped forward and something flooded my brain.

             _Desperation._

_Anger._

_So much anger._

            I fell to my knees, gasping out as my chest burned and I curled up to hold myself.  _Make it stop_ , I wanted to beg. The floor under me turned soft and I cried out, jolting up in my bed when someone called my name and grabbed my arm. Jerking away from Loki’s frantic grip, the dream faded away so I got ahold of my breathing. Loki was shaking me and yelling and he was so scared and so upset. I had to pull away once more when his emotions swelled within me. Loki was a dying star. A swirling pit.

            “A sleeping potion? Two? You could have ended up in the damn healing room!” He was still yelling at me. “Don’t you ever! Never do this again! How could you be so careless?! Are you listening to me?!” Loki grabbed me again and yanked me toward him, embracing my form still wrapped up in a sheet as the light from the new day entered the windows. I wished I knew how to tell him the truth about what had happened between Neiren and I. I wanted to fell prey to his comforting embrace, but his hands touched my skin and again, the emotions he felt began to flood my mind. I couldn’t let myself. I couldn’t let myself do any of this with him. Under all the fear and pain and desperation, I could feel doubt. I didn’t know what he was doubting. But, I knew it had to do with me.

            Which is why I didn’t tell him that I knew what I had to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Part three will be up asap. :) It'll be the final part in this phase before phase three.


	18. The Fall: Part Three. The Prestige.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final part of Phase Two, The Fall. The Lady searches for evidence and makes heart twisting choices. Her journey with Nerien culminates as she takes matters into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, feel free to kudo or comment on the journey so far! I appreciate anyone here reading. This story is all just for fun and release so :)

          Each Elder has their own manor around Asgard. Filled with finery and guarded by their own paid mercenary. Calder’s mercenary was appropriately called, Slitter. A bulk of a bald man with one ear and a scar from his right eye to his jaw. Knowing that the Elders would be holed up in the palace until very late tonight, I waited until the sun went down before I made my way through the village and toward Calder’s manor.

            The shadows have always suited me.

            Initially, I hid within the them and tried to make myself a cat so I could sneak in through a window. To my horror, I couldn’t muster up the magic to do so. I tried to think of the last time I’d really used magic and realized that had been before what occurred in Nerien’s land. Unable to let myself worry over my newest problem, I was forced to sneak into a window. The ornate manor was dressed in finery that didn’t match Calder. Such a seemingly quiet and simple man on the outside. The look I’d seen on his younger self’s face as he poisoned the water haunted me. Moving carefully up the stairs, I prayed Slitter didn’t hear me as he waited outside the front door in his usual post. Pulling my dark face mask down, I had to force myself not to tear his bedroom apart after an hour of looking in other rooms. I thought of Loki, he’d be so furious with me if he found out about this. I couldn’t leave this place empty handed.

            “Come on,” I closed my eyes tightly for a moment, pressing my hands against the floor as I sat on my knees and looked under the bed. Gasping when a floorboard moved, my heart lifted and fell again when I pulled it to see nothing but straw. I shook my head and almost moved the board back when something glimmered. Digging into the straw, my fingers curled around a long spare key. Frantic eyes searched the room, I knew I was so close so I put the board back. Spotting a locked safe under a side table, I scrambled over and jammed the key in quickly. My heart sank further when I saw it filled with books, gold, and jewels. The largest book appeared familiar and I remembered him pulling it from his bag in my dream. I tossed it open like the words were air to my desperate lungs only for my mouth to fall open in horror.

            Notes and drawings of Neiren’s lands and people adorned the pages. Sketches of the palace and that damn orb were found as I turned the page. Plans to  _purify Asgard of scum_  filled me with rage while he talked about riches to be taken. But, what really twisted my insides were the locks of hair tied between pages. Trophies. I recalled so many times when Calder put his fingers into my locks over the years. Longing to possess them.

            “Flowers…” I mused silently. “To remember the time you spent…” Nerien was right. He was always right. I loathed him so. When a tear hit my thumb, I snapped back to reality and almost vomited when my gloved hand touched a familiar lock of hair like spun gold. Unable to bear this, I closed the vile book and the safe. Hugging the proof I needed to my chest, I pushed at a window and found it barred shut. About to make my way downstairs, I heard the front door open and ungracefully scrambled backwards.  _I am strong like the rest of them. I can do this._

            Calder’s footsteps caused my heart to beat wildly. I snuck into another room to find a window but froze when he got up the stairs; his unknowing shadow passing by as I forced myself into a corner. Pulling my face mask up over my mouth and nose, I fixed my hood over my hair and moved to sneak out.  _Inhale and exhale. Just be calm._  Stepping down the stairs, I cringed when one creaked but made it down fine only see Slitter in the hallway with his back to me. Fighting my sharp intake of breath, I pressed myself against the corner to hide and racked my brain for an answer. With no option left, I had to go back upstairs, trapped between these two. I passed Calder’s chambers as he moved about with the door cracked and hurried into his study. Relieved when I noticed the window without bars, I began to climb up as adrenaline flooded my body. I was so close.

            “ _You little thief_ ,” I harsh voice spat when I got one leg out the window. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I was nose to nose with Calder as he yanked at me. His hand surged into my hood to grab at my mask but he got ahold of my hair and tugged hard, effectively ripping some out of my scalp when my mask slipped away. Crying out, I didn’t know if he got a good look at me so I let myself fall, hearing his sudden turn from frightening tyrant to weak old man. “Slitter! Help me, I’m being attacked!” I rolled across the roof and fell one story to the bushes, clutching the book to me as if it would break some of my fall. My back was in for a rest after all of this was over. These damn resilient Asgardian bodies. I groaned and jumped to my feet when the shouting continued before I took off running down the alleyway. “Guards!” Calder was yelling after me as I slipped into the backdoor of a loud pub. With the barkeep not behind the bar, I crawled over and hid under it when the doors flew open.

            “Listen up! We’re looking for a thief! Attacked Lord Calder in his manor. Believed to be a woman…” Guards came in and began to question a few Asgardians, all not knowing what happened.  _Stay calm. They may not know it was me yet._ I crawled forward to make my way back out when I looked up at the table across from me and met Herlof’s unimpressed gaze. He looked at my frantic state and dirtied form and I knew that he knew.

             _Oh gods. They’ll catch me and torture me and Calder will have Nerien killed. This is over._

_I failed._

            Breathing heavily, I stared at him and he stared at me before he looked up at the guards. Terrified, I prepared for the worst until he took a long gulp from his mug and turned away. My chest concaved with my next breath as Herlof glanced back at me once more and I nodded before crawling back out, neither of us caring to address this further. I’d saved him in battle and perhaps he was repaying that now. With the book held tightly to me, I began jogging down another dark alleyway. The sounds of guards reaching my ears as I pushed myself faster and hid to let a group pass. Scrambling up, I was sprinting again and turned a corner, skidding to a stop when I almost bumped into a woman who cried out. She faced me, holding a bag in hand and I realized it was Moira. Moira opened her mouth to address me and stopped when guards sounded behind us. I felt myself jolt to attention and moved to go before her hand snapped around my gloved one and she shook her head silently.

            “This way,” her voice was gentle and I followed after her instinctively. She led me between buildings until we reached a more residential area. Unlocking a door, Moira pulled me into a tiny shack-like home and locked the door behind us. “Take off your cloak.”

            “Moira, I can’t tell you how grateful I am. You shouldn’t be hiding me here, I-”

            “I almost never let others here, but you will see and say nothing, yes?”

            “…Yes?” I squeaked. She dropped her things and relaxed, nodding.

            “Good, give me your cloak, please. I can wash it.”

            “I need to get this to Thor or Loki.” I held the book up so she instead began to tug my cloak away.

            “Do the guards know they’re looking for you? Did they see your face?”

            “They…might…I-”

            “Stay here until it is safe and I’ll bring one of the princes to you then… I insist. You’re paled and shaken, it could put you into shock. Please sit. Tell me what they did.”

            “More like, what I did… I broke into Calder’s…” I trailed off when Moira lit a lamp. Her small house was decorated with colorful drapes and overly cushioned furniture. Many candles and places to light incense where along the wooden tables and shelves. On one table in the window area was a stack of cards and different colored stones. What really stood out were the few pieces of artwork of nude women, partially hidden behind some of the drapery. “What is that?” She looked back at the art then to me as if to explain herself but realized that I was pointing to the table in the window.

            “I  _read_.”

            “What exactly to you read?”

            “Hands. People. Futures. My mother had the gift and she taught me.” Moira shifted the drape across the art. "I also only court women. I've wanted to tell you. I don't...often share it. Few court ladies and healers know."

            “I feel like I knew nothing about you now.” I confessed. "I'm glad you're telling me. I'm sorry if my... I'm sorry if you taking me here pressured you to."

            "No, you're not the type to take issue with it. I'm glad you know. You're my friend."

            "And you are mine." I lifted my lips.

            “There is something new about you now.” She mused and I snapped from my daze. “The warriors are hiding something. I saw Thor frequenting the dungeons…”

            “Good, that means Nerien is safe. If Calder knows I have this, he’ll try to have him killed.”

            “What…What happened? That elf he took you away and…?” Moira asked, beckoning me to the table with her. “Asgard is changing.”

            “You’re not wrong.” I sat across from her and told her everything. Every single damn thing that happened when Nerien took me. Even my own recent development, though explaining it was difficult.

            “Show me.” She asked then.

            “There’s something else. I didn’t realize it until earlier…but I think whatever happened to me affected my magic. I’ve asked a lot of you already but when this is all over…I need your help to use the soul forge secretly so I can-”

            “All right.” Moira’s reply was quick. I blinked at her, knowing that it could get us both into trouble.

            “You…? All right…” I let my lips quirk up a bit as I looked down at my hands.

            “Surprised, are you?”

            “A little. I’m still trying to come to terms with people believing me.”

            “You’re holding the proof you need,” Moira shrugged. “I would have believed you regardless. I will find Thor or Loki and bring them to you as soon as I can. Perhaps you can show me your new talent and, in turn, I’ll read your future or perhaps your hand. Someday, not today. But soon, yes?”

            “I’d like that.”

            “Rest here, I’ll hurry.”

            “Moira?” I stopped her when she got to the door. “Thank you. I don’t want this to get you hurt.”

            “Nothing could possibly be as painful as when I woke up every morning hiding pieces of my heart to fit in with an old society. I want the Elders gone too.” She side-eyed the art behind me. “It gets better. But, it is also still frightening. You have been my friend, I may not fight like the warriors but I can still help you.”

            “Suppose we’re all warriors at this rate.” I smiled an honest smile and she did so in return. “If you see Loki or Thor, don’t tell them about-”

            “Of course.”

** ** **

            “Before you get angry with me-”

            “Too late!” Loki cut me off, striding into Moira’s house. Light threatened to illuminate the snow fall outside. I’d not slept at all and my back hurt still. “Calder now suspects you with your absence and they’re calling for your arrest.”

            “I have proof now!” I tried while Moira looked between us.

            “Do you know what mercenaries are charged to do if they catch thieves in their employer’s homes?” Loki was growing livid. “You’ve been so reckless! Have I taught you nothing?!”

            “I am not like you, Loki, and I'm sorry! Looks like what you’ve taught me may mean nothing soon,” I spat bitterly. I’d tried to use magic when Moira left but even the simple spells I’d known by heart proved somewhat difficult. It took more out of me then it should have.

            “What…?” Loki blinked and I shook my head, pushing the book into his arms. “No, tell me what you mean.”

            “Can you please deal with this first and forget about me for five minutes?” My tone was so rude, I rubbed my eyes and waved my hands. Fingers surged into my hair to tug as I tried to ground myself again. Loki stared down at me with a slight look that told me to change my attitude before opening the book. He’d been so calm and morbidly curious about all this and I was falling apart. “I’m sorry…for the fiftieth time this week. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I shouldn’t allow my anger to affect the words I say to you… I'm falling apart. None of this is on you.”

            “We’ll discuss it... Is this…?” Loki furrowed his brow, flipping through pages. Finally, he appeared rather disgusted.

            “It’s all the proof we need, Loki. Calder and those other three elders destroyed their world…for  _nothing_. For power and riches they didn’t even have. For knowledge that they couldn’t get… They were so happy and prosperous and they paid for that. Why is it that someone cannot light a torch of happiness without having another go out of their way to piss on it? The Elders vowed to do what was best for Asgard as a whole and instead they inspired fear and hatred to keep us all in line. Innocent people died for nothing. Slaughtered. Gods...”

            “Loki?” Thor bent down to get in the doorway as Moira shut it behind him. He paused and turned his head to her. “You committed treason to protect our friend. You have my thanks, Lady Moira.”

            “She is my friend too, your highness.” Moira, so truly brave, bowed her head once and Thor nodded.

            “Just as well, the Elders are going to vote on whether they should put our new elf ally to the axe.” He paced over to Loki and paused when he saw the book.

            “Then, I’m getting him out of there.” I made everyone pause. “You can help me or arrest me. It won’t stop me from trying…”

            “I’ve always liked her, brother.” Thor glanced up from the book Loki was holding, stepping away so he didn’t have to see it anymore. Loki was the first to begin speaking.

            “We get your  _friend_  out, send him away from here-”

            “Convince him to awaken father and Heimdall and fix the bifrost in return for his life,” Thor finished. “The Elders involved will pay.” The future king nodded to me. “She has made sure of that. Father will not stand for this, nor will Asgard. We must hurry.”  _Nerien wasn’t worried about his life_ , I thought idly. There was not enough good deeds in this world to make up for what the Elders have done.

            “Help me get in and I’ll try once more to convince him.” I stated instead. _Had I just lied?_

            “If not, Thor will force him away from Asgard.” Loki added, closing the book finally when he made another barely noticeable face of disdain.  _Thor can try_ , I averted my gaze.

            “Is he being held in the prisons?” I asked.

            “No, he was locked up under the palace to await this supposed trial.” Thor replied quickly.

            “Say we decide to let the healers conduct a few final tests? Might put him in a good spot to possibly escape before any of us realize,” Loki shrugged.

            “How will I get in if they’re looking for me?” I asked then and Loki beamed somewhat at me.

            “Nothing a simple illusion can’t fix.”

** ** **

            “What if Elisif walks in?” I muttered as I followed Loki down the hallway, Thor already waiting for us elsewhere.

            “They will think it funny if I’m seen walking the hallway, talking to myself.” Came Loki’s whisper. “You’re invisible, remember?”

            “Nerien’s vehicle is ready in the forest. I can lead you both to it after we get him. Did you and Thor also ensure he’s going to be in the healing room waiting?” Loki nodded slightly when he caught sight of an attendant down the hall. Waiting until they were out of earshot, he spoke in a quiet tone.

            “I’m going to relieve the guards on the doors to allow you to slip in alone. The illusion will drop then. You know what to do.”

            “Right. Wish me luck?”

            “You have skill, you don’t need luck.” The prince’s blunt words set me at ease while I held to the messenger bag on my shoulder; that vile book within it. “I’ll wait just down the hall to ensure a clear path until you both exit and then I’ll shroud us with an illusion. When this is over, we’re going to have a long conversation about your actions this week.”

            “Look, I know you’re disappointed with me-”

            “ _Disappointed_.” He repeated under his breath. “No, not at all. Impressed to an extent. Worried and angry even about what you’re obviously hiding from me. But, never disappointed.”

            “I promise you that we’ll talk when this ends.”

            “Ends? This will be treated as a scandal and rearrange the entire system of government Asgard was built on. The Elder’s trials will last for weeks. My family will be the subject of scrutiny. Father may have to win the people’s favors back. This will not truly end. If this can happen to Asgard, who is to say that it can be stopped from happening again elsewhere? An entire province fell and it is all on us… Moreover, the power their race had will turn everyone’s head. Can you image what it would be to shield your actions to the gatekeeper…?” Loki trailed off suddenly and I realized he was right, not fully processing his curious tone change at that last statement.

            “Let’s get through this first then.” I took his hand in my gloved one briefly, glancing at him before I let go when he leaned toward me. “I’m supposed to be invisible… Won’t want anyone to catch you kissing air…” Loki paused and hummed lightly in response before he nodded his head and turned the corner. He spoke with the guards briefly before sending them off and opening the door to see if Nerien was in there. He looked at me and nodded once more, holding up five fingers before I swallowed and moved under his arm to go in as the door shut. Nerien’s eyes were on me instantly; his somewhat bruised body chained down up to the wall. After idly locking the door, I exhaled and opened my mouth to speak while I crossed the room but he said my name so gently and all my thoughts fluttered away.

            “Why have you come?” Towering over me, Nerien craned his neck to draw closer and I looked up at him. When I clasped my hands, I realized that I was shaking.

            “I came here,” my voice was hushed, “to help you escape the palace with Thor and Loki. I came here…to convince you to wake Odin and Heimdall so they could handle what happened. So Frigga could return. I came here to show you I have proof now…” I pulled the book from my bag briefly. “And, I came here to help spare you while Asgard fixed this. I…I came here to do that all initially…”

            “Chosen a different path? What changed your mind?” His black eyes watched me with a tender expression when I shrugged.

            “I crossed the room.” I shook my head and began to hurriedly undo the many locks around him. “This won’t end unless you…unless we end it.”

            “Why?”

            “Just as you said…” I watched him step toward me. “Payment in full.”

            “Payment in full,” he repeated, tilting his head down at me.

            “You don’t have much time, Nerien,” I grew a bit frantic, emotions swelled within my chest. “They are all together…awaiting your trial in-”

            “Well aware.”

            "They are yours to try now." I puffed, charged.

            "No, they are ours. I know what I want. What do you want?" Nerien eased.

            "I want you to kill them." I confessed, heaving for air while my eyes watered. Lips quivered, I repeated myself in a stronger tone. "Kill them. For what they have done. You must go. Leap to the next balcony and don’t let anyone see you. Your vehicle is that way…in the forest.” I pointed outside quickly and lowered my head.

            “Will find it.”

            “Harm no one but those who wronged you.” Venom laced my tone. “No one else. Now get out of here.” When he didn’t move, I grew more agitated. “I  _need_  you to go, get out of here if you want this to work!” My voice was a hurried whisper as he tilted his head. Nerien didn’t speak so he took my chin, his sharp nails dug into the flesh and my chest stirred with his emotions. He blinked and closed his eyes before setting his forehead against mine in what must have been an important intimate gesture from his own people. A wave of complete gratefulness washed over me from him and I pressed my lips together to calm myself as my own eyes closed. After thanking me, Nerien sniffed and backed up, waving his hand to open the door behind him.

            And then he was gone.

            My desperate breath caused my chest to sink in while I just stood there and cold air blew in. I tried to process what I’d just done. What my decision meant and what its consequences would be. I’d always believed in justice. In the power of our King and his word. In fair trial. But, justice was much broader than I’d originally known. I stumbled toward the balcony and the door handle shook behind me. I’d seen and felt the worst of evil and corruption, there wasn’t any way to pretend it didn’t exist. I’d spent a lot of my life pretending, but I just couldn’t do  _that_. It wasn’t in my nature. It has never been in my nature. In truth, I didn’t get the closure I wanted against those who had torn me apart in the past. The closure I dared to have wished for in my very darkest dreams. Fate didn’t abuse me and it didn’t tear me to shreds. It was the selfish beings that came into my life looking to bring pain. I understood now. Maybe this was closure and maybe it wasn’t. Nothing truly ended. But, it was justice now. Just a sliver of it. I stared at the snowy abyss outside and knew in my heart that Nerien and all those people deserved much more than payment in full. So did I. Loki took my shoulder and spun me around when he said my name.

            “What have you done?” His words were hushed and not meant to sound accusing. Staring at his chest, I peered up at him and slipped off one glove. Lifting my hand to touch his cheek, I wanted to know how he felt. I wanted to  _really_  know. Before I could touch his soul, a loud crash practically shook the palace itself. Loki turned and called for Thor but, I stepped backwards and took the opportunity to run. Leaping to the next balcony, I paused and turned back to see Loki suddenly standing on the other as I fixed my glove back on my hand. Watching me intently, he almost smirked and my eyes went a little wide. “You’d better run, clever girl.” I wanted to say sorry as I’d done many times this week. I wanted to know if he understood or if he felt I’d betrayed him because his expression gave nothing away. He seemed so calm yet, also filled with anger. But, I turned and raced off toward the room I knew they’d be in.

            Guards lie passed out as I pushed open the doors and walked in slowly, my heart racing. The cold room appeared empty until I heard heavy breathing and saw one of the elders hiding under a table. He was very clearly traumatized, holding himself and muttering as I passed. One of the women burst out and grabbed at my legs.

            “Didn’t know. We didn’t know,” Salma cried brokenly, grabbing for me. Waves of fear and shock washed off of her before I was forced to push away. “Help-”

             _“We once were blinded and lost…”_ An elder spoke distantly.

            “Where are the others?” I asked quickly before Thor got here.

             _“Through his eyes did we see the truth…”_ Another added like a prayer before it went on.

             _“The realms will all remember …”_

            “He came… Fight… Dragged them to be tried… So much blood… Those eyes…” Shaking, she pointed behind the row of elevated seats and I climbed up. Greeted with the scent of blood, I covered my mouth as I got my legs over the wood and took in the scene. Four bodies lie in a perfect row with four missing heads. Four executions. He’d done it but it felt as if I killed these people.  _It was me._  I tried to imagine Nerien as he did this. So calm and enraged. Three guards were unconscious but all had violet blood on their weapons. It mixed and pooled around the scene.  _Nerien…_ The windows rattled as Thor flew through the palace but I was gone when he entered the room.

** ** **

             _Faster, I need to move faster. Too much blood. Too much on the snow._

            The forest whipped by me until I found the clearing I’d left Nerien’s vehicle in. He was already lying amongst the snow against a tree, his transport floating next to him. I let out the breath I’d been holding and stepped forward as he coughed and pressed his hand to a bloodied spot on his ribcage. _No_... I slipped off my gloves and pocketed them idly. “Was hoping…you’d come. In need of…one more thing.”

            “You knew…” My eyes trailed to a makeshift sack made from a tapestry with four bulges in it sitting in his vehicle. “The moment you touched me…you knew it’d end like this. You knew I’d be standing here. Have I become predictable?”

            “No…” His laugh rasped. “The broken merely know how to survive. To decay so ardently while alive…and still go on the next day. Clearly you know what you’re doing. Makes them a force of nature to be reckoned with.” I fell to my knees in front of him.

            “Let me heal you. I can go get the stones. Tonics.”

            “No,” he shook his head quickly and I sniffled.

            “I just don’t want you to die like this. Not here.” I was crying now and he smiled. "Please…”

            “Need you to send me home. The barge will enter my world…and detonate.”

            “You want me to destroy everything your people built? I can't.” I furrowed my brow, lip trembling while my breath shuddered.

            “Not everything.” He reached up and caught a tear on his knuckle. “Such a blessing and burden…to feel so deeply. To feel the pain of others as you will now. But, a powerful thing to carry such pain and press onward in this world. To dedicate one’s self to making certain others do not have to feel that same pain. You have so much empathy and now you'll have a way of caring for it while it fills you. Bring faith. You…You can do that.” I shook my head, closing my eyes briefly when more tears fell. “You can take pain from others. Receive it. And still fight every day. Still believe in something that may feel so far away from you, yet you manage to keep it close. Hope. You do believe in hope. I know it is within you. It will always be within you and you’ll spread it to others when they need it most. You can be that hope for them. And for yourself. Not everyone can believe in hope in the face of tragedy. Often, it will be those closest to you… You can shed some vibrant color on the bleakest corners. Believe me. There will come a time when the ones you love most need it. I told you that I would help you find your specialty. Seer of souls. Look around you at the many people. Some are pariahs. Some are martyrs. Some are leaders and great heroes. Some stand by and do nothing. Some destroy for fun. And some, like you, become messiahs. Not always because they wanted it. You did not ask for any of what happened to you… You did not deserve it. You are not at fault for it. You're not obligated but it doesn't stop you from being good and just. Know this.” Nerien took my hand and he was just so happy and so grateful. So at peace with the world.

             "Yes."

             “What slivers of my people that are left…are now living on through you. There is so much I wish I could say but, it is not my truth. It is yours. I do know that it has to be you. I searched the entire realm...for you. You're not alone and you never will be again. You mean so much to this world. You shall see. Wish I could help you further to discover your potential… It will get stronger. You may begin seeing more as you grow. Souls shift and you with them. You'll touch them and more will come with it.”

            “What do I do?”

            “Live.” He breathed. “Often, that is all you can do.” Nerien swallowed and his breath caught before some blood trickled down his chin. “There is something else you can do for me.”

            “Anything.”

            “Concentrate on our connection…take the pain from me. Collect it. You will see now… Close your eyes.” Nerien blinked as I did so. All I wanted was to take his pain away, so I focused on that wish. Willed myself to do so. His breath hitched and I looked down to see him relaxing before my chest tightened, something flowing out his veins and into mine. I was doing it. “Some cause pain because it is all they know, while others strive to end it because they learn and go on.”

            “Does it still hurt?” I asked meekly, my body growing strained and tight.

            “No…hold onto me. Please. It won’t be long now. When it…is done, put my body into the vessel. Press the silver button and stand back. Send me home.”

            “I  _promise._ ” I nodded furiously, our hands tightening.

            “When…I’m gone. Your king and his gatekeeper will awaken. Use your proof to finish this.” Nerien shook with emotion.

            “What if, after everything, no one believes it? What if this was for nothing?”

            “No. Not for nothing. Never for nothing. You already believe. It matters.”

            “I will show them.” I agreed then, nodding.

            “In another life, perhaps we could have been great friends. Would have so done well in my land. I regret I cannot tell you more.”

            “I thought we already were after all this. You're not alone either.” I tried to smile for him. Tried so hard to give him comfort. And hope. Nerien was so alone in this world after what had happened but I was going to ensure he didn’t die that way. His lips upturned a bit and happiness flooded my insides from him. With his free hand, Nerien reached out to touch my hair. I saw Karliah’s face in my head briefly before he took the back of my neck and pressed our foreheads together. Closing my eyes, I felt warm blood along my neck as his wounds continued to bleed along the snow.

            “ _Deliver me._ ” He begged softly and I had to muffle my sob when I understood. Pulling the dagger from my bag, I leaned back to look into the dark depths of his black eyes. I held his hand tighter as his pain flowed into me like liquid heat before positioning the dagger at his heart. Nerien nodded, smiling a light and hopeful smile.

             He felt the way someone should feel in their last moments. Ready. 

            “We will meet again,” he whispered my name so fondly.

            “Until that time, Nerien.” His smile didn’t end when I pressed the dagger in with one fluid motion. I felt his body seize up with a final breath, eye still on me before he sagged. Tears were falling down my face onto him when our connection abruptly snapped. The sob escaped my lips and I held him to me briefly as I cried, moving silver hair from his face before I closed his eyes. Lifting him into the vehicle wasn’t hard. I folded his hands on his stomach and took off my cloak to drape it across his body. The bag across my shoulder jostled as I reached down to pick some frosted over flowers. I laid them across his chest and touched his forehead briefly.

            “Found you.” Loki’s voice pulled me from my thoughts before he spoke my name and stopped by a tree to take in the scene. “What are you doing?”

            “I’m just saying goodbye.” Tired, I stared at him passively. “This is going to end now. He told me it would obliterate his world. It’s over.” I shifted so my hand was over the button and Loki took a step forward as if to stop me.

            “All that knowledge…gone…”

            “We don’t deserve it.” I looked up from Nerien. “We never did.” Loki began to say my name before I slammed my hand down. The engine started up before a shield formed over Nerien’s body and the vehicle blasted off. Loki was knocked to his bottom from the force of it and before he could finish rising, I fell to my knees in front of him. The prince appeared confused so I looked up at him and offered him my wrists. “Well? Take me in. Arrest me for what I’ve done!”

            “ _No_ ,” Loki bent over. “I will not.”

            “Loki-”

            “What you did here will not be remembered as a mistake. It was justice and I know you believe that as well.” When he turned, I grew angry.

            “Did you even care?!”

            “Of course I did! You think I don’t feel for the fact that we let four murderers advise us?!”

            “I sent four people to their deaths and I didn’t regret it and I’d do it again if I could! I do it a thousand times over! I would!” I got to my feet and pushed at his chest. “You’ve no idea the magnitude of what happened here! Arrest me, my prince! It’s what you’re supposed to do!”

            “I have no idea?!”

            “You doubted me the whole time!”

            “You believe that I was doubting  _you_?” Loki appeared aghast and turned on his heel to leave me there.

            “Arrest me!” I charged to push him and Loki grabbed me to toss me into the snow. Breathing sporadically, I beat at his chest weakly when he hovered. “I killed them too! I did it! And I liked it!”

            “ _No_.” Loki growled, pressing my wrists down into the ground. Breathing heavily, he looked at me and leaned in, parting his lips. I couldn’t tell if he was going to kiss me or dig his teeth into my bottom lip.

            “Take me to prison.” I was still crying. “Make me pay for what I did.”

            “This is my  _choice_  and I will live with it as you will live with yours.” Loki got off me and I just laid there a moment when he spoke. The sky serene above us. With my vision blurring, I thought I saw a small undead, grey child standing behind Loki but she was gone when I blinked. “You believe this was justice. You will not be the only one. Perhaps in every way, it was. In truth, I should thank you…you may have saved my family from…” When he trailed off and moved to walk away, I got to my feet carefully. Watching him go, I abruptly started running toward him so I could toss my arms around his waist. Loki jolted with surprised while I melted into him, crying softly still. He relaxed and lifted his arm for me to get under, partially holding me up as we walked together toward the palace.

            Everything was about to change.

** ** **

            “Your majesty, I’ve come to throw myself at your mercy. What happened here today was my fault. And mine alone.” Hours later, I stood before Odin on his throne with Frigga to his side. Thor and Loki stood on the stairs with Sif and The Warriors Three. Scared, I looked up at them all and pulled the book from my bag. I pushed through my feelings of being small and told them everything, leaving out the part about my new power developing. I needed to understand it myself first. Besides asking the occasional question, Odin was stoic the whole time, which frightened me more. Frigga appeared horrified when I presented the book to Odin. I thought of Nerien and how much he deserved so I could keep pushing forward. “I should not have taken matters into my own hands. I should have told the truth when I learned it but, I just couldn’t live with myself… I wanted justice so I took it before thinking.” I glanced at Loki before adding. “I will accept what punishment you see fit.” When Odin stood quickly, I had to force my legs to be stable. _The axe? Public flogging? Jail for life? By the nine…_

            “Father, she-”

            “Silence.” Odin cut over Loki calmly as he neared me.

            “It’s okay, Loki…” I spoke at the same time.  _It’s alright… I’m ready._ Odin stood tall in front of me before he pointed to Fandral.

            “Put your cloak around her and lead her back to her chambers. See to it that she gets rest then return here.”  _What?_

“Your majesty, I don’t understand…” I began as Fandral came forward, looking pale and relieved when he set his cloak around my shoulders and didn’t let me go.

            “You have done your part for Asgard. Now you will rest.” Odin’s voice was even and straight forward.

            “Those Elders-”

            “Have now paid for their brutal crimes against a race they made extinct. In truth, it was only fair and just that their last surviving member set the punishment. That punishment has been carried out and now we must deal with the aftermath.” Odin looked at me as I lowered my gaze. “Was it justice?”

            “I…”

            “Do you really believe it was?”

            “Yes.” I saw Nerien’s face in my head and didn’t hesitate.

            “Just as well,” Odin nodded for me to go and turned. I caught Loki’s glance while Fandral led me out. He didn’t mind when I put my head on his shoulder as we walked down the hall.

            “Have I just brought down the system we’ve lived on for so many years?”

            “If a system is flawed, it is our duty…and our right…to change it.” Came his truthful reply. Curiously, I pulled off my gloves after he opened the door and stepped in behind him. Fandral turned as I embraced him gently, one hand sliding up to touch the back of his neck. He was willing to believe in this. I also felt fear as I have in the others I’ve touched.

            Fandral, who threw himself into sex and battle to drown his sorrows some days.

            To forget all else. To forget his true affections that he didn’t believe would come true.

            He was near addicted and held the capability to be as destructive as I.

            Perhaps, that was why we had grown so close growing up.

            As dashing as a prince and secretly twice as destructive.

            “Rest.” Unknowing, Fandral took my shoulders and looked down at me.

            “You are one of my very best friends, did you know that?” I tilted my head.

            “You are still my lady, of course,” Fandral’s grin beamed pure light but it made me somber all the same. Did we all really have this sick need for perfection that didn’t exist? Did we all just walk around pretending to be fearless? My insides ached and I turned from him, pulling his cloak from me. Steeling myself, I held it out without looking at his eyes.

            “Goodnight, Fandral.”

            “Goodnight, my sweet lady.”

** ** **

            When I rose hours later into the evening, I stepped under the shower nude and sprayed my body with a shock of cold water. Eyes wide, my breath sped as I held myself and stood there while I froze. I had to cling to the pipe spraying me with water to hold myself up. Shaking and hyperventilating, I managed to dress myself nicely for the evening meeting and meal that I was sure would happen. I dug through my things until I came upon a thin pair of black gloves, the inside lined with a soft red velvet. Pulling them on, they reached about the middle of my forearm as I stared out the window for a long moment.

            Yes. Everything would indeed be changing.

            Odin forcibly retired the rest of the Elder council and made it apparent that Thor would be taking the throne sooner than we thought. I didn’t know when but I knew Loki had grown uncomfortable with the entire meeting.

            Asgard was in need of a new direction, he said.

            Loki avoided everyone for a few days and I didn’t push myself on him. He seemed so preoccupied and to be honest, I felt like I didn’t know how to approach him.

            Often I would visit the spot of Nerien’s death. I thought of those elves who deserved better than a mere monument that Asgard erected in the site of their demolished province. It got better, I heard. Word spread. People from all over came to visit and leave flowers or gifts to remember. I supposed the most we could do is make sure that they were remembered. I wondered if Nerien could live with that. It did inspire Asgard over the changing days. People became more open about themselves. Voiced their opinions more. As if Nerien’s race had pushed for more acceptance here. Perhaps, some had learned. I longed for more.

            When I wasn’t on the training grounds, I spend a lot of time talking to Frigga as things in the healing room picked up again for her. I told her about my conversation with Hogun and we came up with an idea to keep things between us and Vanaheim strong. They needed us as we needed them, so we decided that for three months of the year, we’d switch a few healers, warriors, engineers, and what not. It was to further hold our ties and keep everything in both worlds up to date. They had some of the craftiest engineers while we had the stronger army, so it worked out in both cases. When I found the healing room almost empty, I got Moira to fulfill her word to me. We snuck into the soul forge room and put my body under it. Lights shined above me as I sat up to get a good look at the specs forming an artificial version of myself.

            “Make it standing up so we can get a better look,” I told Moira and she nodded, working behind me.

            “What is that?” She narrowed her gaze and I stepped closer, putting my hands through the floating hologram and moving a few things out of the way. “Do you see it?”

            “Where?”

            “Your brain…it’s… Well, the area of the parietal lobe is glowing… Do you see it?”

            “Strip away everything but the-”

            “Got it.” Moira was already ahead of me as she stripped away the skin, bones, and most of the internal organs. It was true. A piece of my brain was almost glowing and sending little beams of light down to my heart and to my fingertips. As if I’d created new connections that sent their own little messages out and back again.

            “They… They put Nerien on the soul forge. Is he in the archives?”

            “Working on it… yes…here.” Moira looked up as I did before she stripped away the same pieces. “It is about the same…”

            “I’ll be damned…” I muttered. “Nerien, what did you do?”

            “You’ve a gift now.” Moira spoke behind me. “You will see.”

            “I hope so.” I mused softly. “You’re not supposed to do this… But, I need you to delete them both.” She looked at me and pressed a button without faltering.

            “It is your secret then.”

            “Is it really?” The doors opened and Frigga strode in as we both jolted to attention. “You both are not supposed to be in here without the supervision of I, Eir, or Elisif. And you know that.”

            “Frigga…” My eyes went a little wide.  _Damn._

            “How about you have her start at the beginning, mother?” Loki appeared in the doorway and crossed his arms; I prayed for a column to fall and strike me so I didn’t have to. Moira came forward and took my gloved hand without hesitation. I’d been wearing the gloves almost all hours of the day since what happened.

            “Is this as bad as it looks?” I asked numbly.

            “A little.” Loki shrugged. “I suppose we’ll be having that conversation we’ve been trying to have later tonight.”

** ** **

            “Foremost, keeping such a secret could have proved harmful to your health as we don’t know the side effects of this.” Frigga was pacing the small room and I felt awful for agitating her. Moira was told to go home and I was sitting at a desk in a room connected to the healing room. Loki and Frigga questioned me about my  _so-called gift_  for an hour.

            “All those times you avoided my touch the last few days,” Loki sat across from me. “Can you begin to describe what I felt in that time as you pushed me away?”

            “Unwanted…” I lowered my head in pure shame. “How was I supposed to come forward with this with all that was happening to me at the time? You did not believe in me fully. And...And you were already avoiding me as well because of that meeting.” I glanced at Loki. “And you weren’t here when it happened…” I looked up at Frigga and her gaze softened. “I was alone with it and the only being who could have helped me understand it is… He is gone. I should not have kept it a secret but, it was ruining me. How was I supposed to let that out?  _Seer of souls_ , he called me… I’m feeling  _every single thing_  and I don’t know what to do yet.” I paused, closing my eyes briefly. “There’s something else.”

            “ _Honestly_ , you really believe…?” Loki began in a huff before Frigga touched his shoulder.

            “I was also…too scared to tell you this…” I met Loki’s gaze and pressed my lips together, sitting up. “It…It’s affecting my magic. Whenever I try to do something now…it takes a lot. Simple tricks are suddenly difficult again and I didn’t want you to think that I was suddenly becoming weak and…and I didn’t want you to think I was losing interest in magic. I didn't want you to feel like all of those times together were erased. I’m not… But, now I can’t… _I can’t…_ ” I couldn’t go on and forcibly looked away from Loki.

            “It must be using your supply of magic to fuel itself. Which is not harmful. But, yes, it will impede on your magic abilities for a time.” Frigga had her hand on Loki’s shoulder, thumb rubbing a circle to comfort him.

            “Am I not going to be able to study magic anymore?” I whispered. “Will it affect my healing abilities?”

            “No, dear…not at all. But, you must now build yourself up once more and adjust.” Frigga soothed and I set my elbows on the table, putting my head in my hands.

            “I can’t keep doing this,” I whispered before I sniffed hard and swallowed the lump in my throat. No, I could. It was just hard. Every single time. It was still difficult. But, I could do this. I had too. Loki touched my hand and I hesitated when I felt his fingers through the fabric but, allowed him to take it.

            “You are still my best and only student. If it is your desire to stop, I will comply.” Loki stood up and turned to leave the room quietly.

            “I need to go speak with him.” I got up after and looked at Frigga when she nodded. I paused and finally spoke my thoughts bluntly. “I also think I need to leave Asgard for a while.”

            “Why do you believe that?”

            “I am suffocating. I’m hurting everyone around me. I can barely look at anyone anymore after all that happened. I…I can’t sleep… I want to sleep again.” I hesitated before continuing. “If you or Elisif would permit me, I would like to go to Vanaheim. Not as a warrior. As a healer.”

            “I cannot stop you from doing what you wish,” Frigga touched my shoulder. “Perhaps, the change of scenery will settle you.” I nodded slowly and turned before she added. “And no, I won’t be upset with you for what you’re about to do. I love you very much. Like one of my own.”

            “I love you too, Frigga.” I trembled and looked her in the eye. “Thank you.”

** ** **

            My arm was so heavy when I knocked on Loki’s door a few minutes later. He pulled me into his room and pressed me against the door. Loki hesitated before he leaned into kiss me.

            “Can you feel that?” He kissed me again. “I love you.” Another kiss pressed me back fully. “Do you feel it?”

            “Loki…” I breathed as he took me in his arms. Yes. I felt it

             _He loved me so much._

_And I loved him all the same._

_But, I also felt his fear. Gods, it was always fear._

_And his insecurity._

_So much insecurity that was infecting all else._

_The darkness Nerien had seen._

_The darkness I knew by heart because I had it too._

            But, suddenly I was under him on the bed and we kept kissing and holding to each other tightly.

            “I love you too.” I murmured in his ear. We kept going, Loki pulling open the top of my dress before he unlaced his pants. I felt his attraction to me and it made me realize that I’d never felt attraction like it. Want, need, even some desire; yes, of course. But, this pure sexual attraction to another was…almost new. Sure, I’d grown somewhat attracted sexually but…I never considered it really. I’d never truly been so sexually attracted to another. The thought distracted me. Why was I different?

            _“Hm,”_ Loki moaned lightly against my skin and I wanted badly to touch his hair with my hands. Unable to muster up the courage to take the gloves off, I tried to find a comfortable position under him. I wanted to have sex with him. I did. I wanted to pleasure him. Though, my mind had something else going I didn’t want to face yet.

            But, I also wasn’t completely into this and it was killing me. So when he pushed inside me, I whimpered aloud in surprise. Loki froze above me and leaned back to look at me face but I’d turned it away to the window. In a hurry, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him onto his back with me atop him. Both of us half-dressed, I began to move and settled my gloved hands against his chest. I wanted him to feel good. Wanted to push aside what I think I came here to do. Wanted to pretend that I didn’t have to do it anymore. He grabbed at the fabric of my dress and pressed his head into the pillow as I rode him. It wasn’t particularly pleasurable for me, my mind was somewhere else entirely. I tilted my head back when emotions began to build up inside my stomach. Loki touched the skin of my arm above the glove and I finally cracked.

            “I’m sorry,” I rolled off of him. “I can’t! I can’t do this.” I squeaked, so embarrassed with myself as I sat on the edge of the bed. “I want to. I do. But, I can’t, I’m so stupid!” Loki spoke my name softly after he adjusted himself, fingers curling around my arms again and I practically shrieked.  _“You can’t touch me!_ ” I sprang up from the bed, sobbing while I held my dress around myself and backed away. “We can’t… I can’t…” I fell backwards against the wall behind me, grabbing at my hair as I hyperventilated and slid down. “ _My head… I can’t breathe… Why am I like this_?” I felt my bones caving in and crushing my internal organs, lungs seizing up and gasping for air.

            “Look at me, sweetheart.” Loki had to stop himself from grabbing my shoulders. Panic gripped at my heart and squeezed. “Stay with me and breathe. Can you do that?” _Why am I like this?_  My mind kept repeating so I tried to stay with Loki’s voice. Still gasping for air, my eyes went wide when I gripped my hair firmly until Loki took my hands carefully. “You can get through this. I’m here with you.” Loki and I had done this before, he’d been getting better at bringing me back. “Feel my breaths and breathe with me.” He set my gloved hand on his chest and I managed to nod, my awareness coming back in pieces. “There you are… That’s it.” My breaths came slightly slower and longer as I focused on that, closing my eyes and nodding. “I am proud of you.” He stated as he usually did when I was done but, that tore me in half. His sweet words had killed me.

            “Loki…” I whimpered when I looked at him.

            “Let me get you-”

            “No…No…I need to tell you.” My words caught while he helped me up, both of our clothing disheveled.  _I have to do this. I have to._ “I’m leaving.”

            “What…?” He exhaled slowly as if he heard me incorrectly, standing taller.

            “I’m going to Vanaheim for three months. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

            “When…When did this happen?” He looked so sad and confused.

            “Just before I got here.” I clasped my hands. “I need to be somewhere else. Asgard…Asgard is not good me for right now.”

            “What of your chambers?”

            “Frigga said she would take care of it and it would be waiting for me when I arrive back. But, I’m leaving Asgard for a while…and…”  _Say it!_  I was shaking so hard. “I’m leaving you.”

            “What are you…? You don’t want to be with me anymore?” His small tone shook me to the core and I almost burst into tears again. But, I couldn’t let myself cry in front of him anymore. If I did, it would mean that I wanted to stay.

            “I can’t do this to you any longer. I can’t… We can’t be together.”

            “Says who?”

            “Me. We grew too far apart. We’re not right for each other. We're two different chemicals, ready to combust. We’d eat each other alive.” I was stepping away from him. “I don’t want this anymore. You’re hurting. I’m hurting. It isn’t right.”

            “No… No, you’re lying. This is the only thing that has ever felt this right. You’ve even stated that. You are afraid and… You cannot just do this.”

            “I can. I’m leaving,” I said again. “ _I have to go._ ”

            “I want to  _marry_  you.” Loki blurted out then and I exhaled sharply. “I love you and I won’t let you leave like  _this_.”

            “You can’t toss that in my face now, Loki. This is goodbye…” I forced myself to turn away from him but he said my name and stopped me. I needed to hurt him. Oh gods. I couldn’t do this but, I had to.

            “If this is about your new power, gift, or curse…whatever you wish to call it…we can handle it together. We've gotten through everything together and we can do this.  _Look at me!_ ”

            “This isn’t about that! It’s over! You shouldn't have to just settle like this with me. I'm not right for you and they all knew it. We’re done! This has been too much for both of us!” I shouted, staring at the door and not him. “If I stay like this…”  _Hurt him!_ My mind begged before my voice grew smaller. “If I stay like this in Asgard, I know I’ll never be happy.”

            Yes. That wounded him.

            Loki reached out for me then abruptly paused, staring like he couldn’t process what I’d just said. He didn’t move or speak. He didn’t scream or cry or even retort. He just stared as I briefly peeked back at him. Facing ahead of myself again, I strode forward and left without glancing back.

            And he didn’t come after me.

** ** **

            Vanaheim was surprisingly warm and peaceful. Moira had come along as well, which I’ll admit, comforted me. We roomed together in a set of dormitories along with another healer I was familiar with. She seemed almost afraid when I approached her the first day.

            “Hello again, Ysolda.” I offered slowly before upturning my lips slightly.

            “Hello…I’m glad you’re with us.” She spoke reluctantly. I offered her my hand, which she accepted.

            “I wanted to say that…I’m sorry that you and Loki are no longer together. I do mean that…”

            “Does word travel that fast?” I raised my eyebrows.

            “Annoyingly so.” She shrugged.

            “Asgard can be like that as well.”

** ** **

            Days came and went. Ysolda, Moira, and I seemed to get along fine. I actually enjoyed sharing a room with them. Vanaheim was much quieter than Asgard. In truth, I thought of home often. Mostly of how upset those I loved were at my leaving so quickly. I missed Fandral’s charm and Sif’s wit. I even missed Thor and Loki bickering.  _Loki_. Gods, I missed him so much. He probably hated me and I wouldn’t have blamed him if he jumped into bed with another. Someone who could function far better than I. In Vanaheim, no one addressed the events of Asgard with me. No one asked about my gloves. No one knew about me really. It was somewhat nice.

            While I walked the halls of Vanaheim’s healing rooms, I developed a slight obsession with taking the pain of others. When people came in sporting wounds, I just couldn’t help myself. Taking their hand to ease the pain, collecting it as if it were my own. Perhaps, I would find a use for it. Nerien did say that I could give it as well.  _Nerien_. I thought of him often.

            “Thank you, milady,” a small stable boy smiled at me as I healed the hoof print on his leg.

            “Be careful around those horses, they like to kick,” I grinned in return. After I let him go, I glanced up at Moira, staring off across the room. When I followed her gaze, I realized that she was staring at a woman. One I’d caught her staring at before with dark skin and black hair up in intricate braids that were piled and tied at the top of her head. She was beautiful and muscled with scuff marks on her clothing and a bronze prosthetic leg. The metal limb was beautifully crafted like nothing I’d seen in Asgard’s prosthetics. “Ysolda,” I pulled her aside. “Who is she?”

            “Oh, Faleen? She’s brilliant. One of the best engineers. Designed that leg herself. The healers study it endlessly and she helps out with prosthetic limbs now every once in a while.” She whispered. “Why?”

            “Someone we know has been staring for the past few minutes.”

            “Oh…  _Oh_!” Ysolda grew excited and I hushed her as she giggled. She was such a hopeless romantic. “If you must know, she courts men and women.”

            “I see. Thank you.” I smiled sweetly and clasped my hands behind my back as I walked up behind Moira. “You know,” I caused her to jump, “might help if you go speak to her.”

            “ _Who_?” Moira scoffed and moved forward to organize a table of potions.

            “Her name is Faleen and I think you should walk up to her and-”

            “I can’t just do that,” Moira replied. “I’ve seen her in here and whenever I get close, my face turns bright red and I just… It is silly.”

            “No, it’s not. Just introduce yourself.”

            “And say what?” She blew some dark hair from her tanned face.

            “Your name?”

            “….What if she doesn’t like it?” Moira squeaked and I gave her a look of disbelief.

            “Well, I don’t know, she probably just _hate_ you forever and never wish to see you again. A friendly introduction.  _The audacity._ ” My sarcasm caused her to give me a flat look before she exhaled and stood straighter.

            “Fine.” When she didn’t move, I gave her a little push.

            “You’ll have to start moving, you know?”

            “Right… Of course.” Moira stepped up to Faleen and the woman immediately beamed as they shook hands. They spoke for a moment and Moira’s cheeks were going a bright shade of red when Ysolda nudged me with her elbow. When she smiled excitedly, I rolled my eyes a bit.

            “Slow down, love.”

            “I can’t,” she grinned as I turned to finish with the potions behind me. “They’re already making it look so easy.”

            “What have we learned?”

            “It’s not…” She sighed, reaching to help me. “I know, I just… It’s okay to dream.”

            “True.” My lips upturned briefly. “Just so you know, we’re still bitter rivals and we can’t be seen together outside the room.”

            “I think we’ve grown on each other in the weeks you’ve been here.” She laughed softly.

            “Yes, well, I promised myself I wouldn’t let it slip that I’m nice on occasion.” I chuckled shortly.

            “You’re plenty kind. I’ve seen you.”

            “What do you see?” I side-eyed her, pausing when she peered at me.

            “I can see that you very much care for the happiness of others, but you often push it far above your own happiness.”

            “Is that so silly to you?” I replied quietly.

            “No,” she shook her head. “Brave. But, also frightening, I imagine. Not very fair to you.”

** ** **

            “Beautiful, is it not?” Moira stepped out onto the balcony I was sitting on. The sunset painted the sky with hues of orange and pink when she pointed to a chair. “May I?”

            “Yes,” I nodded. “Was Ysolda asleep?”

            “Deeply so,” she sat in the cushioned chair next to me. “Faleen allowed me to read her hand today. Very strong head line, let me tell you.”

            “You haven’t read me yet.”

            “That would require you to give me your hand.” She raised an eyebrow and I pulled one glove off after a moment. “All right?” When I nodded, she took it and I inhaled sharply before I went on.

            “Is that deep affection I feel, Moira?”

            “Shut it.” She stifled her amusement easily. “What a marvelous heart line. I’m not surprised. I don’t see many that drive straight across the palm so deeply.”

            “See anything?” I felt Moira's soul like a flickering candle that could still fill an entire room

            “I see a woman very much in love, but I don’t need to read your hand for that.” She released me and reached out to touch the chain around my neck. Pulling it up to reveal the key hidden under my shirt, our gazes locked briefly.

            “I forgot to give it back.”

            “Why do you wear it then?” She countered. “But, enough of that, let me see.” Moira took my hand again. “Hot-headed one, are you? Good at locking it away.” She smiled. “But, not always.”

            “I guess not.”

            “Hmm… Growing up, did you find yourself often attracted to others? Deeply? Shall we say, sexually?”

            “You can feel that to?” I exhaled and sat back. “Is it strange? I mean… I’m… I  _was_  very much in love with Loki. I liked having sex with him. I felt…the need. I also recognize that he is extremely handsome but as far as that pure sexual attraction that people have for each other. I suppose I never felt that as strongly growing up. Which may explain why Fandral and I could be so close and never-”

            “You and Fandral never…?” She seemed surprised. “I mean, forgive me, but everyone thinks you both. Well, at some point.”

            “ _Everyone_?” Somehow, I wasn’t shocked. “I mean, I considered it but not…out of love or the need for sex. I mean, Fandral would have been…good to me in bed and well, I wanted to get that whole first time thing out of the way. But, I never grew  _honestly_  attracted to my friend or many others. I thought I was supposed to at one point. But, with Loki… I mean, I did want to have sex with him. I wanted him to feel good and I wanted to expand on our relationship emotionally. I wanted to feel good. It was not out of desire for sex or pure sexual attraction. I suppose I got into it a bit more since we shared this bond but… I see men and women who might...want me. I think romantically I'm open to both. Women are just so vast and special. The ladies on the court love to flirt.” I shrugged. “Am…Am I normal?”

            “Yes, by the nine, I’ve known many like that. Different variations of course. But, I assure you… As normal as any other consenting sexual preference. It is a part of you. Despite what some may say, I’ve come to terms with that fact that my preference for women is as it should be.”

            “So… You and Faleen?”

            “She is stunning. Stronger than many Asgardian warriors and when she speaks of anything… There’s this passion. Her face becomes so bright. She always greets me with a kiss on the cheek and leaves me with one as well. And both times, I feel just as happy and fulfilled as I always have with her.”

            “Perhaps, she will come to Asgard soon.” I offered, staring out at the view ahead of me while I held my cloak tighter around myself.

            “Together we can scare everyone off, too many male warriors approach me with distasteful comments about  _turning_  me. As if it is supposed to flatter me.”

            "That's horrible." I offered. "I'm sorry. If they even try to mess with you, come to me."

            “Are we talking about bad comments we’ve gotten?” Ysolda, rubbing her eyes, appeared in the doorway. “I have one.” Clutching a pillow, she sat down and got comfortable before adding. “Once, a man called me  _exotic_.”

            "Oh, I hate that." I scoffed.

            “You win already. I get that too.” Moira covered her mouth to stop her laughter after a moment.

            “Why do they have to say that? Ugh, I’m honestly sorry that even touched your ears.” I shook my head, lips quirking up. “I have one too… So, as you can see, I’m both a darker featured and thicker woman in all aspects and, you know, I actually got this a lot. But, often people will say, very loudly: Ah yes, such wide hips, wonderful for childbirth!… As if that’s the only thing I can do.”

            “They say comments as if we should be grateful,” Moira rolled her eyes and Ysolda nodded next to her. “Thank you…for letting me know who I should avoid.”

            “Yes, I am exotic. I am the lioness who shall rip out your neck with my teeth.” Ysolda added with a lighthearted expression. Moira and I went quiet before breaking into quiet laughter.

            “Careful, Ysolda, we may actually be friends.” I covered my mouth. “Can’t believe we didn’t just do this earlier.”

            “I still had some learning to do.” She shrugged. “I should thank you really.”

            “You’re well on your way to being the lioness.” I replied, sitting back before Moira spoke softly between us.

            “We all are.”

  
** ** **

            Over two months into my stay, the surprise came when I was standing alone in a room as I charted down a few ingredients we needed for potions on a thin glass pad. Flipping through sections with a mere flick of my finger, I tried to hurry it. Lights glowed on the piece of technology I’d become used to. Sunlight streamed in with thick beams as my shoes clicked against the floor quietly. The doors burst open and Ysolda rushed in, huffing and puffing.

            “You’ll never believe who’s here…” Hazel eyes wide, she took my shoulders and opened her mouth to speak but a voice behind me sounded first.

            “Found you.” The quiet syllables tangled themselves around my heart and squeezed when my name followed. “Oh, so you two are close now. I certainly have missed much.” I turned and Loki stood, looking as perfect and composed as ever. I wanted to throw the pad in my hand and escape while he clasped his hands behind his back. Ysolda stood taller and puffed out her chest as she stalked up to him.

            “I don’t like you anymore. I’ll have you know that I am a  _lioness_  now,” she spoke as boldly as she could and Loki merely stared down at her before he looked at me. “ _Hm_ ,” the smaller woman flicked her hair and moved to pass him, closing the door while she went.

            “I  _really_  like her, she is definitely my friend.” I smiled, masking my fear when he stepped forward. Setting the pad aside after I flicked it off, I put my hand on the counter next to me to steady myself. “What are you doing here?” Loki stepped through the radiant beams of light to get closer to me and I didn’t move.

            “I came here to meet my betrothed.” He replied without faltering. “Future Queen of Vanaheim.”

             _“Oh…”_  I forced a smile, rubbing two gloved fingers together. “So, those plans are going through. Good for you both. Princess Sigyn is a wonderful woman. Very smart and sweet. A mighty warrior, healer, and diplomat. Best alchemist in these nine realms. Uh, you know all this. I'm glad.”

            “Yes,” Loki tilted his head before stepping closer. “Suppose I could get used to life here.”

             “I’m sure…” I considered stepping around him but his voice called me back.

             “I came here to respectfully tell them, that I could not go through with it.” His words shook me and I steadied my breathing quickly, keeping my composure.

            “Oh.” I blinked at him when he smirked in turn.

            “Yes, you see, I could not marry her when my heart very explicitly belongs to another. She eagerly agreed, very kindly so.”

            “So, you came here to what? Pretend you’re not upset with me after what I did and said?”

            “No, I was upset with you.” Loki stood over me as he drew closer, his tone lowering. “I was so very upset with you, sweetheart _."_ He paused when I lowered my gaze briefly. “But, hurting me to…what…spare me? Do you take me for a fool?”

            “What do you-?”

            “Uttering the very exact words that you know will pierce my heart to push me away from you. Clever girl, did you really think I didn’t know your play? I admit, I shut you out after those events with the elf. It was not fair.”

            “Why did you come here, Loki?” I whispered instead and then I felt as if I  _really_  tasted his name on my tongue for the first time in weeks. It still tasted like home.

            “I wanted to tell you that you were right.” Loki’s bright green eyes seared into mine as they usually did. “Wrong as well.” His smirk was light. “But, mostly right. Yet, in that contradiction…I would rather risk devouring each other than fear taking an honest bite. Anything we do devour…it will not be a mistake. We were  _never_  a mistake. Should we laugh, hurt, or rage…it will be right. Should I spend my days helping you through attacks of panic and depression…or you spend your nights assisting me through night terrors and melancholy… It will all be right. We could both go mad and that, I could see through.”

            “You really believe that? Why?” I breathed softly.

            “I have told you… You made me  _want_  to believe in hope. Still, you do.” He dropped his hands and my breath shuddered in my chest. _Did I?_  “Such a silly and far away thing, yet I see you and perhaps the pieces start to fall together. But, this isn’t about what you do for me…what you make me believe in. It’s about what I can do for you. I…I want to make you feel as if it is perfectly fine to be yourself around me. We've been friends all our lives and I want to be your friend today and every other following. I am willing to try every single day. I want you to feel loved in all the ways you wish that I can provide. If that includes me never speaking to you again, I can do that. If not, we can want and devour each other every day and still help each other get up the next morning to face the realm.”

            “Loki, I-”

            “I don’t need an answer now. Nor an explanation. Not today or tomorrow or anytime soon. You’ve explained plenty to me over the years. Let me now. When you’re ready…let me.” Loki slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small, silken bag. “I would never ask you to change and you would never ask the same of I.” He took my hand in his and pressed the tiny bag into it before he covered it with his other hand. “I simply thought…” Our gazes locked for a moment. “We could find home together.”

            My heart beat quickly like it never had before.

            "It's worth it to me." He stared at me, lifting his hand to touch my hair fondly like he had on so many occasions. I studied his face intently as he closed my fingers around the silk. “As for what occurred on Asgard. I believed in you and I should have been there to prove it. That elf… _Nerien_. He saw something special in you. The same thing we’ve all seen in you. You’re every bit worthy of it as well… Goodbye for now, sweetheart.” Loki beamed at me and I smiled at him before he turned and moved to go. After pushing open the doors, Ysolda peeked around the corner when he disappeared.

            “Eavesdropping, were you?” I tilted my head, clutching the tiny bag that I had yet to open.

            “I…yes…” She looked down and quietly added. “I know I’m supposed to be the lioness…but aren’t you going to go after him?” My smile was honest.

            “Not today. Not this time.” I pressed my lips together and glanced down.

            “Are you going to open it?” She asked then. “What is it?”

            “I already know what it is.” I replied quietly and she stepped closer. Nodding, I gathered my nerve and pulled open the silk. Turning it upside down, the exquisite ring that I knew was going to be there, fell out onto my palm. It was gold and looked like woven vines with an iridescent gemstone that glimmered at the center. The damn man knew me.

            “Oh…my…”

            “It’s beautiful.” I blinked any traces of emotion away when happiness seeped into every crevice of my body. “So beautiful.”

** ** **

            The snow had long melted when I arrived back to Asgard with many others a month later. After bidding Moira and Faleen goodbye, I walked back to the castle with a small group; the night crawling over the palace. I could hear the sounds of music and feasting as I got closer and went up to my chambers.  _Always with the banquets_ , I thought when I arrived to my little room. I missed it. Freshening up, I changed into a simple green dress that flowed around my legs. Not something fine enough for a banquet, but I was happy in it all the same. My heels clicked and I tucked some hair behind my ear as I walked the halls. Nervously tugging at my gloves when I went in to see mostly everyone dancing, I exhaled a calming breath and began to trek through the crowd.

             _Breathe._

            Along the way, I greeted my friends. All glad to see me, to my surprise. I was slowly feeling at home once more. I felt accepted and wanted again. As I drew closer to the royal’s table, I spotted Loki sitting poised to Frigga’s left with Odin to her right. Gathering up my nerve, I paced toward the table and stood as tall as I could.

            “Your majesty, I would like to request a dance with your younger son.” I glanced at Loki’s widening eyes. “If he will have me?”

            “Certainly.” Loki’s chair moved abruptly when he stood up. Frigga smiled and pressed his hand briefly before he paced around the table to take mine. Leading me to the main floor, I placed one hand on his shoulder while he took the other. A chorus of strings swelled around us as we moved, our eyes locking. “Has time really moved that quickly since last we spoke?”

            “It feels rather slow now.” I muttered when we turned. “I missed you and I always wanted to march up to you and ask for a dance some time.”

            “I'm glad you did,” he chuckled as we continued for under the warm lights.

            “Loki?”

            “Yes?”

            “What you said… I want to try too.” I spoke softly.

            “Do you?” The prince watched me intently and I nodded my head.

            “I want to try every day. I even want to be the place you can hide, if need be. I…I love you.” I swallowed, smiling. “I love you, Loki, with  _every_  single piece I have in me still. We're together and that's all I want. I want to figure my abilities and magic. Let them become one. I want to help you through this path while the palace changes. While Asgard evolves. I just want to be with you.” I beamed, shifting back so I could remove one glove. Carefully fingering the ring as light reflected off it, my lips upturned at him again. “And the answer has always been yes,  _sweetheart_.” I didn’t have the chance to go on when he let out a sharp breath and pulled me closer by the waist. Not caring about the people dancing in circles around us, Loki drew near as I stood up on my toes. He observed me through heavily lidded eyes and I parted my lips as if to invite him before I added a soft:  _“Kiss me…”_ Grasping at his clothing, my bare hand slid up to cup his cheek so I could feel the relief and affection just before our lips touched. The emotions spread and managed to electrify my entire body. I tilted my head as we parted barely, my sigh falling against his mouth when we kissed fully once more in front of everyone.

            “Can I keep you this time?” He murmured against me.

            “You know, we always did have that way of finding our path back to each other. That will continue from here and through oblivion itself.” I nodded, pressing myself against him when we joined the dance once more. Loki set his chin atop my head and he was just so happy. And so was I. And it would not always last but I could live with this.

            And we could live through this together.

            I believed in that wholeheartedly.

            I had hope. I will always have hope. My blessing and perhaps my curse.

            Glancing up at him, I fixed my glove and took his hand in mine. Nodding to go, I pulled him along and he raised an eyebrow but, followed me through the crowd. Picking up my dress, I practically jogged with him following before I abruptly pushed him against a pillar to steal another short kiss. Moonlight bathed us both when his finger swiped some curly hair back from my face. Staring at each other a moment, I smiled and took his hand again to pull him off until I rushed back to his room. Our footsteps echoed through the halls and I laughed as he shut the door behind us.

            “Why the hurry?”

            “I just wanted to get you alone,” I stated in the dim light before he flicked his wrist to open the curtains so more moonlight could stream in. We both leaned back against the door and slid down. Putting my head against his shoulder, I kicked off my shoes and watched the sky when he took my hand again to lace our fingers. “What have you been up to in my absence?”

            “My usual research. Scouring for all the knowledge and spell tomes I can reach. Applying what I know now to what I find. We all must be ready for Thor’s coronation. Mere short years away now.” He didn’t elaborate. “Nothing too exciting for you, I imagine.” As he spoke, I ran my fingertips along his sleeve and kissed his shoulder. “With…your new  _power_ … Is it painful?”

            “A little.”

            “Do you wish for it to stay?”

            “Often…yes.”

            “Should we pick up training together again, we can adjust ourselves around it. Find a way for you to control or expand on it.” He replied and I nodded against his shoulder as he stretched one leg out and bent the other. "Your magic will improve, I'm certain."

            “Before I left, what I said. I can’t take it back but, know that I didn’t believe-”

            “I know,” he glanced over at me. “Not a word of it.”

            “When should we tell everyone about…?” I trailed off and glanced down at my hand, the ring hidden.

            “As if they will be surprised.” He mused quietly.

            “I suppose, for now, we can just hold on for tonight and figure this in the morning.” I shifted onto my knees and faced him. Tracing over his jaw lightly with my free hand, I took the back of his head and nudged him forward. Closing my eyes, our foreheads pressed together intimately and he sighed lightly against my lips. There it was again, pooling into my veins:  _affection_.

            “So as long as we do this together now… The realm is getting much bigger than us. Changing as well. I'm going to ensure it stays safe.”

            “ _Shh_ ,” I hushed him silently, our locked hands squeezing. “Just hold onto me now.” I didn’t open my eyes, sighing softly in the dim lit room. The world could have overtaken us both right there.

            “I never stopped,  _sweetheart_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I split this up into three parts, I jokingly named them after the three parts of a magic trick. The Pledge: You get something ordinary. The Turn: That ordinary thing becomes extraordinary. And finally, The Prestige: You bring that ordinary thing back. I revealed Nerien in snow, he became something great, and then I put him back into the snow. :( Next Phase is called The Impact. It marks as the final build up to Thor's coronation/the movies. The Lady struggles with her identity, repressed memories, impending rough court life as peasant to future princess, and her harsh developing abilities. Loki dabbles in new dangerous knowledge then plots to keep things the same and in his favor with horrid results (as we know) that further influence Asgard. :)


	19. Miscellaneous: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of Third Phase: The Impact. This is my miscellaneous prompt that ended up being a slight cluster of different plot bunnies. Occurs the next year after everything with Nerien. The Lady adjusts to her new and secret abilities. Fandral has a bad week. Loki plots to steal forbidden, secret knowledge and opens up about a new form he takes. The warriors travel to haunted grounds in the name of adventure and get more than they bargained for when they all confront their demons. Loki and the Lady take someone new into their bed and the Lady later celebrates her Name Day. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of two in this prompt! Thanks!!!

            “The realm is against me today,” Fandral, looking frazzled out of his mind, followed me around the mostly empty archery area on the training grounds. “Every single thing I’ve touched has turned to  _dirt_ , I don’t know what’s going on…I’m going mad.”

            “That would explain your shirt sticking out of the crotch of your pants,” I looked down and smiled kindly as he jumped to cover himself, glancing around at the sparse warriors on the grounds this afternoon. Grey clouds dusted over the sky while I pulled my arrows from the target I’d been practicing on.

            “Why didn’t you tell me about  _that_  when I walked up to you?” He hissed, fussing with his shirt.

            “I had no intention of staring at my best friend’s crotch for the evening…” I chuckled to myself when Fandral huffed. “If you mean to ask me…no, I don’t think Loki is upset with you or messing with you for fun. He had business off grounds today.”

            “I didn’t consider that…but now that you mention it-”

            “He’s causing trouble elsewhere. I assure you.” I tucked some hair behind my ear and adjusted my bow onto my back before filling my quiver with arrows. “What did happen to you today?” I glanced at his messy hair briefly.

            “It started last night. I was with a woman and couldn’t…perform.”

            “ _Oh,_ Fandral. This is bad.” I gave him a look of mock surprise. Frankly, I thought his crush on Lady Sif was to blame. “You might as well give up the bachelor life forever.”

            “No,” he put his hand to his heart.

            “Get married…” I went on.

            “Never…” Fandral looked aghast, eyes widening dramatically.

            “Have six children…”

            “ _The horror_ ,” he touched his head and fell back into the grass dramatically. I bent down and tilted my head at him.

            “And…you’ll have to invite her parents over often…for dinner.” I stated in a low tone and he gasped out, shaking his head furiously.

            “You cannot make me!” My friend spoke defiantly and I laughed aloud, my serious tone breaking before I offered him my hand and brought him to his feet.

            “Perhaps, you should take at least  _some_  of that advice and settle down. Plenty of men have that issue from time to time.” I yanked the last arrow free and moved to leave the grounds with Fandral at my side. "The Fandral I know would be back on the horse within the day."

            “Well, forgive me, we’re not all engaged to princes.”

            “Not what I meant and I’ve been engaged for almost a year. We have no date now. Nothing.”

            “Just promise,” Fandral picked up my gloved hand, finger smoothing over the ring under it. “Honestly, my lady, what is it with you and these gloves since your return from Vanaheim?”

            “Just a habit I picked up, I’ve told you. Sorcerers, you know.” I laughed it off, having told no one else about my new development. “Loki and I started to make plans but, after he informed Odin…it was  _requested_  that we hold off on it.”

            “You both were  _forced_  to put it off until after Thor becomes king.” Fandral corrected. “We all heard Loki shouting and sulking across Asgard that day.”

            “We don’t talk much anymore about that day, he’s still jaded about it. I was upset but there’s too much else to do. I'm just glad we're together.” I shrugged, glancing at the grass under my boots as we walked. “The only problem is that we still have no idea when Thor will be king. They keep saying it’ll be  _prepared_  soon…but that’s been said for a few years now… Long road to the throne.”

            “We’ll see, I suppose.” Fandral chuckled.

            “I hope my presence distracted you from whatever else happened today.”

            “I walked out of my house this morning and stepped in a  _gift_  left by a horse…then said horse kicked me in the ass. Guess where I landed?”

            “That bad?” I raised an eyebrow as we neared the palace dorms.

            “After I cleaned up and went to the training grounds, I ripped my pants open in front of Sif. Volstagg couldn’t stop laughing and even Hogun had to stifle his chuckle. Then, I spilled mead all over myself when I was entertaining a lovely woman in a pub. Among many other things, I think I’m cursed.”

            “You’re just having a bad day.” I tried with little help. “I could follow you around all day and keep you from further embarrassing or hurting your dashing self?”

            “Appreciated. But, perhaps next time.” He smiled a little at me and put his arm around my shoulder.

            “You’ll always be Fandral the Dashing to me. No matter how clumsy you get and how many more lovers you disappoint in the bedroom.” I spoke evenly and laughed at his expression.

            “Had we ever been together, I would have made your-”

            “Made her  _what_?” A voice cut in and Fandral spun on his heel, arm leaving me, to see Loki leaning against a pillar.

            “Loki, play nice with him.” I caught his smirked as he eyed Fandral. To my surprise, my friend looked mortified for a second before he grinned forcibly.

            “No, I’m simply curious,” Loki stood straighter and approached. “What would you have made her do in bed?”

            “I told you I’m cursed, even my timing is horrible,” Fandral looked to me before running a hand into his hair. “You know I’ve no intention with your passionate, yet somewhat puzzling and devious, future wife.”

            “Puzzling? I think you meant  _mysterious_.” I corrected sweetly.

            “Difficult.” He added then.

            “ _Complex_.” I corrected once more.

            “ _Our friend_  was finishing his sentence,” Loki cocked his head, lips upturned. “Or could you explain that…surprisingly small dilemma?” The prince cast his gaze down and I gasped silently when I caught the bulge in Fandral’s pants.

            “That is not what you think it is, it’s simply the bunched fabric!” Fandral turned to adjust himself, yanking his tucked shirt out fully. “I’m cursed! This hasn’t happened before… I mean, there was one occasion with her when we were young, but I… Again, accident. I was a young man." I smacked my hand over my eyes when I remember such a day and Loki grew colder beside me. “No! It was an accident!”

            “You had better undo it either way,” Loki hissed lightly and I rolled my eyes.

            “Don’t give him a hard time now,” I exhaled as Fandral turned back. “Rough day.”

            “You see.” Fandral huffed before he realized, “ _surprisingly small?_  Do you give my size thought often these days? I figured you were a committed man now, Loki.”

            “Whatever your size, leave it away from her if you want to keep it.” Loki’s face went flat while he moved to pass us.

            “You’re back early,” I inquired, stopping him.

            “My business was unfortunately, like Fandral’s last lovers, left  _unsatisfied_.” Loki gave a cheeky grin and went on before Fandral could retort. “I’ll deal with it later once I come up with a new approach. I already have a plan of sorts brewing.”

            “Need help?” I offered.

            “No, but, I’ll see you in your chambers soon. We must speak.” Loki replied and I nodded when he turned once more. “Fandral.”

            “ _Loki_.” Fandral gritted his teeth, blowing loose hair from his face before he turned to me.

            “I sometimes forget what a pain your future husband is.” He spoke when Loki had gone.

            “I never forget.” I smiled lightly, crossing my arms. “Will you be alright today?”

            “So as long as I stay inside and do nothing.”

            “That isn’t within your capability.”

            “I’m doomed.” He mused.

            “You’re not doomed, the day is over half over and you’ll survive it. If it helps, Thor was talking about our group leaving Asgard for a few days to find some adventure. His words. I think he's bored out of his mind with future king. preparations. But, it might be fine and get our minds off of…whatever else…” I shrugged idly and Fandral nodded.

            “You still think about  _him_ , do you not?” He inquired slowly. “You know who.”

            “This isn’t about me,” I brushed off the true statement.

             "Anyone giving you a hard time still?"

             "Most give me looks and whisper behind my back, I can handle that much... Take care of yourself and tell me all about the rest of your day when I see you next.” I took his hand and kissed the knuckle, briefly seeing Sif’s face in my head and feeling his embarrassment from earlier. “Until then.” I wasn’t the only one still thinking about someone.

            “My lady. Good luck.”

** ** **

            My day took a turn. When I opened my bedroom door, the first thing I saw was a woman lounging in the bed.

            “Oh! I’m sorry… I’m must be in the wrong…” I trailed off when I realized that this was my room and the door quickly smacked shut on its own behind me. “Can…I help you?”

            “You’re quite fetching when you blush.” She stood, black hair tousled over her shoulders when she approached me. “Do you not think I’m attractive?” Too confused to speak, I was pressed against the wall as she put her hands on either side of my head to draw closer and trap me there.

            “I…”

            “I’m offended that you don’t even recognize me, you’re ruining this for us both now.” Her green eyes glittered when I finally lifted my gaze before I connected the dots. “I thought you were a clever girl.”

            “ _Loki_?” I pushed at her shoulders, earning a laugh at my confusion. “Oh my…? What are you…? Why are you…? …Are those my shoes…? You know what? Don’t even answer any of that, I don’t want to know anymore.” I huffed, shrugging off my bow and quiver to set them aside before I fell onto the cushioned area of the window. She watched me, all the intensity I knew Loki had in her gaze. “I just wanted to shower and get the smell of the training grounds off me. But, I get no peace because of you. You know that?”

            “I think you’re still curious,” I felt hands shifting the hair from my face. Compelled to look up, I sat straight and shifted against the wall as Loki took a seat, light swept over his form to turn back to himself.

            “…Well, you might as well tell me about-”

            “No, after our shower,” Loki stood and I scoffed.

            “You can’t just-”

            “I did, in fact.”

            “When did  _my_  shower become  _our_  shower,” I rolled my eyes and moved to pass him but he snatched my wrist and got down on one knee. Holding my gloved hand in both of his like he was going to propose, Loki spoke.

            “Will you…my  _darling_ , permit me to enjoy a shower with you?” He asked in the most feigned, charming tone he could muster. Chuckling at his display, I about huffed at him.

            “I guess,” I replied, my voice flat and turned to go without waiting.

            “Your excitement sends my own heart into a completely frenzy,” he droned on behind me. Tugging, I pulled my hair from its long braid.

            “I always know how to get you going,” I turned and leaned against the sink behind me when he came forward. Loki moved my messy hair aside to kiss my neck and I tried not to jolt away instinctively when I felt his emotions.  _Ah, so he wanted to please me._  “Wait till I’m in the shower,” I laughed softly, pressing at his shoulders. “I smell like mud and  _gods_  know what else from training.”

            “Let us hurry in then,” Loki muttered as I tugged my shirt over my head when he went for my belt.

            “Are you trying to get me in a good mood for something later?”

            “Always so suspicious of me,” he waved his hand to turn on the faucet behind us. His clothing faded in pieces of light before he yanked off his under shirt. I passed him, still tossing clothing aside before I got to my gloves and hesitated. “It’s been a year and you’ve been perfectly alright,” Loki assured me. “We could always try more runes to help you control it.”

            “We tried runes. You're probably better off putting more inside you.” I crossed my arms over my breasts.

            “My mother could still speak to Eir.” Loki shrugged, shifting forward to touch my hair fondly and not bothering to cover his nude body.

            “Neither of us want Eir pricking at my skin with needles yet.” I paused. “It isn’t so bad…just catches me off guard most of the time… I don’t see or feel a lot unless I’m putting my hands against someone’s temples.” I pulled off one glove and Loki didn’t move when I shifted forward, settling my hand on his collar. The sensation prickled up my spine and I nodded before he tugged my other glove off to kiss my knuckles, his eyes lingering on the ring. "I'll be alright." I assured him while he waited patiently. My lips upturned before I paused to take off both the ring and my necklace to set them aside safely.

            "Could you read my thoughts if you tried?"

             "I don't think so. Not quite. But, I think I could search your feelings or memories if I tried. But, I'm not sure of what I'd be looking for." I replied and he hummed in thought, tone changing.

            “Coming now?” Loki was pulling at my wrist to guide me down a step into the bathtub. Mine was much smaller than his and against the wall with a shower pipe in the corner. I laughed when he maneuvered me ahead of him and pushed me under the water then against the wall eagerly. Warm water immediately soaked my hair down but Loki shifted it aside to press his lips to my neck.

            “Still not clean enough,” I chuckled again at him, pushing at his wet chest so I could get back under the spray of water. “So, what exactly were you up to today?” I began lathering up my hair and rinsing it out, my fingernails massaging my scalp.

            “Attempting to seek out a rare bit of knowledge. Noble sorcerer’s quest,” Loki replied evenly, soaping up a sponge with some amber scented liquid. He wasted no time and began to run it from the back of my neck and downward after moving my hair over my shoulder.

            “ _Noble_  sorcerer’s quest?” I rolled my eyes. “You’re up to no good. Who rejected your offer this time?”

            “Whatever do you mean, sweetheart?” Loki set his chin on my shoulder and I sighed when he ran the sponge between my breasts.

            “You’re after a spell tome or something to that effect again. Whoever you want to get it from rejected the sum of gold you offered. So you’re going to steal it. How many spell tomes have you acquired in less than noble ways?”

            “To be honest, my offer was rejected yesterday by the damn old man. So, today was the day I did a bit of digging to find another way of acquiring it.” One of Loki’s hands found my breast while the other slid lower to wash my stomach. My head fell back against his shoulder as he teased my nipple and kissed my neck. “Let’s discuss this after,” he murmured, hand sliding along my hip. Fingers drummed and trailed to curve between my legs. My knees shook when they parted as I grasped for his arms. "You're wet." He'd purred, lips touching my ear. Loki worshipped every soft, fleshy curve to my body. It took a moment to come back to myself.

            “Just… _ah_ …promise me you won’t do anything dangerous.” I breathed, earning a chuckle.

            “No, of course not,” the prince whispered, his body flushed against mine. I reached back for his semi-hard erection and began to stroke him, Loki’s breath caught near my ear.

            “Promise,” I repeated, gasping lightly when he dropped the sponge to grip my breast, fingers rubbing slowly between my legs.

            “I promise,” he licked beads of water from my neck and pushed me against the wall as I braced my hands over the cool tiles. The water misted my back lightly until he turned the faucet slightly further from us. One of Loki’s hands found my hip before the other slipped down over my bottom and back between my legs to tease my clit. He breathed against my neck before replacing his fingers with his cock, rubbing it along my entrance in teasing motions. Exhaling forcefully, I clenched my hands as he went on; pressing himself barely inside and pulling back out continuously. I felt my body tense around his tip and tilted my head before he turned me around to capture my mouth, teeth nipping at my bottom lip. Loki slid his eyes closed with a sigh. I settled my arms around his shoulders, our slick bodies pressing together fully.

            “You feel disappointed,” I observed gently, pressing kisses along his neck when he let out an amused breath.

            “Do you ever tire of attempting to read me?” He replied in jest, kissing me deeply once more. Steam rose around us to fill the air.

            “Just an observation.” I tucked some of his wet hair behind his ear carefully. “Whatever your play, I’m going with you later.”

            “There’s that curiosity again.” He smoothed his hands down over my waist, grasping at my hips.

            “I’m just going to keep you out of serious trouble- _oh!_ ” I giggled outwardly when he abruptly lifted me up, my arms tightened around his neck. I shifted to wrap my legs around his waist but he pressed me further into the wall and got his arms under my knees. Gasping when the motion spread my thighs far apart, I allowed him to hold me up against the wall and sighed into him. Loki was rubbing his cock along my entrance again more roughly and I muffled my voice into his neck. With my legs hooked over his forearms, I leaned back and moaned out when he pushed inside.

            “ _Mmm_ …” He leaned forward, body tensing up, to tuck his head under my chin. Loki’s soft breath dusted my collar before he began to move at an even pace, fluidly thrusting his hips into mine. The angle caused his shaft to press deeply into me each time our hips met together and my walls clenched readily around him. I pressed the back of my head against the tiles behind me when Loki bent over to take one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking lightly.

            “ _Loki_ ,” I closed my eyes tightly when I ran my hands across his shoulders, feeling his arousal billow off him in waves. The prince gave my other breast the same attention, flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin before tracing back all the way to my neck. His hips bucked harder into mine, teeth digging into my neck to elicit another moan as water dripped down our bodies. “ _Oh_ … I…I- _ah_ , understand now…”

            “Hmm?” Loki’s breath had quickened and his pace didn’t relent when I leaned forward to hold him closer.

            “You…You’re going to disguise yourself… _ah_ -as a woman to charm the spell tome off of that man,” I giggled proudly when I leaned back to see Loki’s flat expression. He thrust against me hard to force his cock all the way inside, causing me to moan and arch back into the wall before we paused like that.

            “Is that where your mind has been this whole time?” Loki leaned closer, lips brushing mine lightly.

            “Only partially.  _You_  left me to figure it on my own,” I smoothed my fingertips along his neck and collar, smiling broadly before I kissed him once more.

            “Well, you weren’t wrong.”

             “You found his weak spot for pretty women and you’re going to use it, I see. I’m definitely going with you now.” I crossed my arms over his shoulders tighter.

            “I’m more focused on your  _weak spot_  right now.” He murmured, nipping at my bottom lip when his hips undulated gently into mine once more with shallow thrusts. The motion stimulated a wave of sudden pleasure and elicited a soft gasp from my mouth. “There you are, sweetheart.” He began to move faster again and I wanted to melt into his embrace fully but voiced my thoughts instead.

            “Could be dangerous,” I heard Loki huff into my wet skin, partially amused.

            “Do you even wish to come?”

            “I told you I was going with you,” I replied and he leaned back to give me a look before I realized it. “ _Oh_! You meant here…” I chuckled, burying my face into his collar. “I’m not opposed to the idea.”

            “Very well.” Breathing heavily, Loki shifted to pull out and carry me to sit on the edge of the bathtub near the faucet.

            “Wait,” I clutched to him before my skin touched the tile and he paused. “Put a towel down.”

            “Don’t worry, I won’t let you hit your head,” his voice was oddly calm and kind, despite his urge to continue our play.

            “Hm?” A towel shifted on its own to spread under me before he folded another one neatly and set it under my head.

            “Lie back.” It sounded like a command.

            “Look, I’m not trying to ruin this,” I stared up at the ceiling as he moved away for a moment. Setting one hand on my stomach, I moved the other next to my head and continued. “After the training grounds and…and you  _scheming_  about again, I let my mind twist around that-”

            “Scheming is definitely too strong a word,” Loki raised an amused eyebrow when he appeared in my line of sight again, grasping my thighs to yank me closer. My bottom shifted toward him and off the bath’s edge as he distractedly maneuvered himself back inside. We both caught our breaths briefly, my eyes closing for a moment.

            “Why… _oh_ …do you need this spell tome anyhow?” I asked softly as he resumed thrusting lazily.

            “I do not have it…” he replied simply, leaning over to kiss me once, “…therefore, I  _want_  it.” Desire vibrated his entire soul.

            “I see…well then-”

            “I’ll permit you to come with me if it sets you at ease,” the prince chuckled, hooking one of my thighs back over his arm as he thrust shallowly. My stomach churned over. Our hips met perfectly and Loki spread my legs further, my free one curling around his waist to bring him closer. “But, for now, I’ll permit you to  _come_  first.” He quickened his pace and I closed my eyes again while he practically lifted my hips to meet each thrust, the arm hooked under my thigh shifting to grab at it more firmly. I bucked my hips to meet him, my breasts bouncing when I arched up for him. “I am sure that it’ll quiet you as well. Oh, perhaps you'll scream.”

            “Hey, I recall you being the one to bring all this up,” I began as he scoffed and moved to grab something with his free hand, “and then try to have sex with me- _Ahh!_ ” A smaller, detachable shower nozzle abruptly turned on against my clit and my entire form curved up. Going rigid, my gasp turned to a shriek and I barely heard Loki moan above me so he began to pound into me harder.

            “ _What_ …was that?” He breathed heavily above me, smug. The up and down motion sent pleasure raging through my entire body when he held my legs open and didn’t relent, his own head falling back. I bucked and cried out against the floor, fingers clutching to the towel above my head as the spray of the water forced me to orgasm. My body seized up and I gasped for air when he finally tossed the nozzle aside and got up onto his knees, shifting my legs on either of his shoulders. He kept moving to reach his own peak as I gasped between my words, breathless and overly sensitive.

             _“By the…fucking nine, Loki…”_   My eyes rolled back and I felt his hands smack on either side of my head briefly. His own climax caused his hard pace to become uneven. Stroking the sensitive bundle between my swollen folds, Loki forced my entire body to tighten up around him. His cock was still hitting a spot inside me that sent me into a small frenzy under his frame and he drew out our pleasure until I could barely take it.  _“Oh gods, I…I hate you so…much now… That feels so…so good…”_ My words caused him to laugh while I went a little limp. Loki relented and pulled out of me, a final few strings of his climax spilled against my entrance and dripped down my thighs.

            “I  _love_  you as well,” Loki caught his breath as my legs slipped from his shoulders lazily. “Shall we finish our shower in peace?” I clasped one of his hands in mine and his affection flooded me. Blissfully, I hummed partially in response and whispered then.

            “I would like that very much.”

** ** **

            “Show me again already.” I watched Loki place my used makeup brushes in size order after I left them all over my vanity.

            “Hurry and dress then,” Loki responded, leaning backwards onto my desk after I picked up a dress from my closest and huffed.

            “Well,” I shifted out of the closet in my undergarments, “we can’t all just  _wish_  clothing onto our bodies.” My sarcasm entertained him as he sat back, running a hand into his drying hair. “Seeing as my magic has yet to improve fully if any, I won’t be coming close to doing that for a long time.”

            “You are improving, give it more time.” He didn’t seem too worried, or eager for that matter. Loki's aloof tone made me pause but I tried not to read into it.

            “Was that optimism on my behalf? You’re in a good mood, despite being rejected by this old man.”

            “He runs one of the largest bookshops in his town, and from what I’ve heard, he isn’t exactly popular for his vanity and greed despite his success. Loves to show off his priceless books rather than sell them. One less book won’t be the end of the world. I need it more than him…for research.” Loki smirked at me and I scoffed.

            “Vanity and greed? I’m a bit surprised you’re not friends with him. You’re quite  _fetching_  when you’re hungry for knowledge,” I mimicked his voice from earlier and laughed as I finished dressing. “That’s a lie; you’re a larger pain than usual.”

            “Hm.” Loki's eyes glittered with pride while I tied a wide black belt piece around my dark teal dress. Pacing into the bathroom to get ready, I finished off by painting my lips my favorite shade of red and exited.

            “How do I look?” I watched light shift over Loki’s body as he turned into the woman from earlier.

            “Ravishing,” she mused, lips spreading to grin as I crossed my arms to observe her.

            “You got ready in two seconds and you already look divine,” I exhaled, dropping my straight posture. Her face was softened, but kept many of the sharp, almost brooding, angles I still knew with her frighteningly fine cheekbones. Black hair fell in waves past her ample breasts as she watched me with bright green eyes framed by thick, dark lashes. She stood; her body was as graceful as usual. The seductive air Loki surrounded himself with was still very much there. “A bronze dress? I expected green and black.”

            “I don’t wish to be too obvious, sweetheart.” Loki’s smirk was signature even now. She took my arm and smiled again at me, causing me to blush and do so in return.

            “Come here,” I shifted to take her wrist, pulling her to my vanity. “Sit.” I waved my hand to slide a stool over so I could sit in front of her. Shifting through different products in a drawer, I picked out a few lip colors and took turns holding them near her lips.

            “Using me as a doll now?”

            “I may not have a chance to do this again,” I decided on a simple color that would tint her pink lips a slight berry shade. “Hold still.”

            “Silly girl,” Loki parted her lips slightly when our eyes met before I continued when she leaned in. Grasping a soft tissue, I painted her mouth carefully and ran my pinky just under her full bottom lip. “Your hand is shaking.”

            “I don’t want to mess this up.” I paused. “I can also sense that you’re nervous as well so hush,  _sweetheart_.”

            “I’ve taken many forms but, you’ve never known me in this form.”

            “You never include me in your shape-shifting plans,” I tossed the tissue out. “I’ve only ever spoken to you as other men, unless you’ve tricked me on many other occasions.”

            “No comment.”

            “I see,” my lips quirked up when I stood, “fortunately, I trust no one.”

            “I think you trust me just a bit,” she quirked up a brow and stood after staring in the mirror for a moment. “You’ve good taste.” I pulled on my gloves, feeling her gaze.

            “You look beautiful and that is appreciated.” I spoke softly.

            “One day, you will not need those at all. The gloves.” Her idle comment stopped me after I smoothed out my dress.

            “Until then.” I tilted my head. “Tell me what this book you want is about?”

            “It is complicated and long, but I suppose it connects to an overarching theme.” Loki watched me. “What do you know of the convergence? Traveling without the bifrost.”

            “Same thing we all know of it. Same thing that can be found in every other book on the subject we have here.”

            “I know,” she smiled lightly, eyes blazing in a way that made her appear to be both frightening and excited. Suddenly, Loki blinked and the moment was gone. “ _I want this one_.”

            Loki was always seeking out new knowledge since youth. This wasn’t new at all. His brain was strong and constantly hungry for more. It made him intelligent and strategic. It was a marvel on occasion to watch him go on about anything from illusion magic to the cosmos themselves with the certainty of an experienced old man who had seen the entire universe already. We all just stopped questioning it ages ago, joking that he almost wanted to beat out the gatekeeper in knowledge. Perhaps, I should have kept questioning it. All that knowledge and his mischievous nature. His fear and insecurity. His desire.  _Desire_. Something I did not always fully understand in others. Something I did not always have a place in. Not yet. Perhaps that was why. I should have pulled it together sooner. But, I didn’t think anything more of it. Not today.

** ** **

            “I arranged a carriage. Not one belonging to the palace for obvious reasons. It’ll take us about an hour or so to get there.” As we walked along the pathway, I felt people turning to watch Loki idly. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised at all when my name was called and Fandral jogged over. “Damn.” Loki sneered lightly and rolled her eyes.

            “Be nice,” I muttered before smiling at Fandral. “Hi…I hope your day is getting better.”

            “It could improve with the name of your new friend here,” Fandral was already taking a stance that reminded me of a damn peacock as he held his hand out for Loki. She smiled charmingly in return and took it, shooting me a hopeless look when Fandral kissed her knuckles. I’ll admit it was a little funny.

            “Her name is… _Tordis_ …” I looked at Fandral’s expectant expression and didn’t miss Loki’s eyes widen before her gaze snapped up to me. The slight glare was gone when Fandral turned back around. “She was lost…so I’m helping her. We…We  _just_  met!” I forced my voice to be level so Loki nodded.

            “Yes,” she grinned, touching Fandral’s shoulders and I raised an eyebrow. “The  _little lamb_  here was so kind as to help me find my way.”

            “If you two ladies would like an escort, I would be glad to lend a hand.” At least Fandral seemed like his charming self again.

            “Or two, I’m sure,” her suggestive tone cause me to roll my eyes.  _Fandral, I’m sorry_. “Sorry,  _love_ , ladies only. Next time, I’m sure.” She tugged the top tie from the collar of his shirt open and shifted her knee between his legs before moving to pass him. Fandral’s breath hitched when she stood by me and settled a hand on her hip. “Looks like you have a  _small dilemma_  to take care of.” Loki used the phrase from earlier, tilting her gaze down and I sucked in my cheeks. _Damn it, Loki._  I couldn’t tell if Fandral realized it because he was more focused on pressing his legs together and pulling his tunic further down.

            “ _Oh_ , I just remembered I have somewhere else to be! Other ladies to meet. Entertaining to do… Promises I intend to keep.” He chuckled and backed up so I took Loki’s elbow to steer her off.

            “Yes, of course…see you later, bye Fandral!” I spoke in one breath and paced quickly away, Loki chuckling at my side. “You’re still an ass.” I hissed quietly.

            “I forgot how much I enjoyed this, I’ll be rather honest.” She made me pause when we were far enough away. “And I’m the ass?  _Tordis_. Do you think you’re funny with that?”

            “Yes, I do.” I crossed my arms, smiling innocently at her expression.

            “I’m picking my name from now on if need be,” Loki turned to go, taking my wrist so I’d follow.

            “Of course,  _Tordis_.”

** ** **

            “I’m going in with you.”

            “You’re staying in the carriage.”

            “No.”

            “ _Yes_.” Loki hissed softly.

            “ _No_ ,” I repeated firmly, staring up at the large building outside the carriage window. “I’ll barge in either way.”

            “ _Fine_!” She crossed her arms. “Walk in five minutes after me. We don’t know each other. We’ve never met.”

            “All right.” I twisted the strap of my shoulder bag while Loki grabbed one across from her to smuggle the book out in. “Be careful.”

            “Try to enjoy yourself among the books. He offers a wide range of topics, many of which we do not even possess.”

            “What’s your plan?”

            “Distract him. Replace the book with an illusion so he won’t notice immediately. I’ve also this,” Loki produced a tiny bottle, filled with something brown that was crushed. “It will make him drowsy for a short time and  _persuade_  him, so to speak. I’ll slip it in his tea if needed.” The brown powder reminded me of the substance that almost killed me long ago and I shuddered.

            “Did you invent that?” I asked softly, eyes narrowing, when she distractedly glanced out the window.

            “No,” Loki replied quickly. “It’s merely a root. Very rare.”

            “Don’t use it unless you have to…and then just don’t use it at all.”

            “What?” Her attention snapped back to me. “Why? It isn’t harmful.”

            “Loki-”

            “We don’t have time to fight right now. I shall try my  _very_  best not to use it but, I’m…going in now.” She hurried to get out and I exhaled through my nose, my expression caused her to hesitate a moment before she turned to go in. I fiddled with my gloves, tracing the outline of the ring for a few moments before I got out to follow the path. The entrance was a set of marble columns that held up an archway and when I stepped inside, the space was larger than Asgard’s palace library.

            “You’ve never been there?” I heard a whisper, followed by giggling and saw Loki eagerly flirting with the older man. He wasn’t as old as I pictured. Well groomed and mature, the man behind the counter reminded me of Fandral in his dress and hairstyle. But his hair was dark and graying on each side. He smiled at Loki when she leaned over the counter to whisper something that he laughed at. My face flushed a little with jealousy while Loki touched the older man’s shoulder, trailing her finger over the fabric. “I must show you sometime,” the shopkeeper went on as I shook my head quickly to rid myself of the gut-twisting feeling and turned to enter the shelves.

            Many people browsed quietly around me as I passed sections on war and geography. I saw shelves on magic and hesitated before turning to go elsewhere, my stomach clenching when I remembered all the work I had to do still. Shifting through a section on horror and ghost novels, I checked on Loki briefly while hiding behind a shelf. Deciding to stay on the first floor to watch Loki here and there, I exhaled and glanced through some books with pictures of anatomy next to me. Looking up at the decorations, I caught sight of a collection of butterflies pinned under glass.

            “Why do you think their wings are pinned just so?” A seemingly familiar deep voice asked from behind me. My heart lifted like a lover’s would at the sight of their soulmate.

            “So they can never fly away from the person admiring them,” I replied softly without thinking before I realized it. “ _Nerien_ -?!” Gasping, I spun instead to see a towering man with dirty blond hair and scars that covered most of his gentle face.

            “Forgive me, didn’t mean to frighten you.” His voice rumbled and I was surprised I didn’t hear his heavy footsteps. “I understand that not all folk take well to seeing me.”

            “No…Sorry… I thought you were someone I knew…” I shook my head before he could turn.

            “Finding everything all right, in that case?” He brightened, somewhat reminding me of Volstagg as I stared up at him.

            “Yes, I am,” I set my book aside, “thank you.” I smiled so he turned to go before I stopped him again. “Oh…that man you work for. I couldn’t help noticing the books and trinkets in that long front counter.”

            “He prides himself on his collection, prattles on about how everything in there is authentic. Everyone asks about them. Sorry to say, nothing in there is for sale.”

            “Of course, thank you.” I turned to make my way to the front again, Loki was still laughing and charming the man. I noticed her hand in her bag, possibly searching for that tiny bottle before I quickly approached the opposite side. Glancing down at the objects under the glass, I swallowed and beckoned the man over. “Excuse me.” The owner hesitated but held a finger up to Loki.

            “I’ll just be a moment, lovely.” He turned and grinned broadly at me, pacing closer to lean on the counter. Loki’s eyebrows quirked up at me in question but, I forced my gaze to the owner. “Yes,  _sweetling_?”

            “I…” I swallowed and pointed down to the glass. “I was hoping you could settle a bet I had with some friends about how real these items are.” I smiled when he straightened up, ready to talk my ear off about the book I was pointing at. Behind him, Loki was using magic to break into the glass case.

            “As you can see here…” the older man was grabbing a book and carefully opening it as he went on. Only half-listening, I smiled still and nodded at him; shifting slowly around the counter to slyly further turn his gaze from Loki behind him. “Does this look at all fake to you?”

            “No… Can’t say it does,” I piped up, shrugging as he kept speaking. I didn’t dare to glance at Loki but hoped the work was about done. Meanwhile, the man talked and talked for minutes on end.

            “I challenge you to bring anyone in here, I rounded up every single one of these artifacts. Have a story for each one. I’m sure you’ve heard of me…” the man kept going and going so I had to nod and smile until I could get a word in.

            “You definitely have me convinced, they must be authentic...” I laughed, shifting my gloved hand away when his got closer. Turning my gaze, I noticed Loki had disappeared and exhaled through my nose. “Thank you for indulging me, sir, I’ll let you get back to…”

            “Where’d she go?” Disheartened, the man’s shoulders dropped. “That lovely thing.”

            “I thought I saw her linger near the stairs…” I pointed, backing up toward the doors. Hurrying out, I paced toward the carriage, nodding at the driver before I poked my head in the window to see Loki leisurely flipping through her new book. It was all black and covered in carvings, large as well. “How long have you been out here?”

            “Twenty minutes,” she snapped it shut and waved her hands to make it disappear. “Coming?”  _I’m going to strangle you, Loki._

            “I should at least get a  _thank you_ ,” I swung open the door and got in, opposite her.

            “I took you out and you helped me steal an ancient tome. We’re even.” She grinned, causing me to growl and cross my arms.

            “I can’t believe I helped you. No, I was sparing that man a sleeping draught. It had nothing to do with you.”

            “Trying to keep me out of further trouble? Sweet of you,” Loki beckoned for the driver to go. “Let me take you to dinner.” She leaned back and set her feet up on the space next to me.

            “Was that tome everything you wanted?”

            “It met my standards vaguely,” she shrugged and I rolled my eyes, putting my feet up as well to mirror her position. “You didn’t enjoy watching me charm that man, did you?”

            “I’m aware that you’re quite the charmer,” I settled my gaze outside while the carriage rocked.

            “Why would you be jealous of another man and I?”

            “I was not jealous. But, no one likes to see the person they love show any form of interest in another. Fake or not.” I paused before added more quietly. “And I know you’ve had male lovers.”

            “How do you know that?” Her posture straightened up, eyes snapping to me.

            “Years and years before we got together. Men and women who leave your room in early hours always wear matching sexed out looks of satisfaction. You flirt with both and likewise they flirt with you in turn.” I offered gently. “Sorry. It wasn’t my intention to-”

            “You don’t care?”

            “…Loki, you know me better than that. Courting men and women, enjoying life in that form from time to time. It makes you happy. I'm glad. I just, don't want to push you out of your comfort zone when the subject comes up. It's your identity, I'm just lucky enough to love and support every piece of it that you show me.” I dropped my hands in my lap. “You’re a sexual person. I love you. You love me. I don’t care about your preferences as long as you’re with me because you want to be with me. I do wish that you were more open to speak about it but, I shouldn’t expect that from you. It’s your choice, I just don’t want you to hide parts of yourself from me…or feel you have to.” I watched her blink at me before she spoke.

            “Sexual desire…has never been limited to the opposite sex for me.” She confessed. “Nor the same. I simply have a widened preference from men to women to any other identity. Do you understand?”

            “I think I do.” I nodded, shifting over to sit next to her. “Asgard is full of people who feel attraction and love differently. Hard to live that long without love in variety.”

            “You are…different as well. I’ve noticed.”

            “How…?” I swallowed and glanced down as she faced me. I thought of my conversation with Moira last year and went a little cold when she flicked her hand to cover the windows. The light dimmed and Loki took my chin in her soft hands, her emotions swelled and my breath hitched.

_Curiosity._

_Hesitation._

_Desire._

            “Would you kiss me as I am now?” She leaned closer.

            “Yes…” I whispered before Loki released me.

            “Why?”

            “Because I love you…I’m connected to you. Romantically… Emotionally-”

            “Sexually?”

            “I enjoy sex with you.” I added quietly.

            “Do you find yourself sexually desiring women in general?” She asked and I shook my head. “Men?” I thought about it for a moment. I really considered it.

            “Growing up, I used to try to tell myself I did. Something always felt off. Mostly, I think I let the people around me tell me who I was.” I watched Loki sit back before she asked in a smaller voice.

            “In the beginning, did you want to have sex with me?”

            “Yes, of course I did.” I replied quickly, slowing. "I did. I was ready and I enjoyed it."

            “Why? Because you desired me sexually or because you simply wanted to please me.”

            “I…I did want to please you…but, I also wanted our relationship to…to be taken further emotionally. Loki, I still enjoy sex with you. A lot. It feels good. I'm very much aroused and wanting in the heat of it. In the beginning, I got very wrapped up in all the excitement. But now, I step back and realize that I…” I trailed off, furrowing my brow. “Are you mad?” Loki blinked and suddenly…she started laughing. Stifling the outburst with her hand, I watched her shake her head. Taken aback, I raised an eyebrow and reclined to my seat. “Why…are you laughing.?”

            “It’s simply…” Her giggles subsided. “We’re polar opposites. I’m attracted to all…and you to none. It’s funny.” Some tension left when she smiled at me and I found myself grinning in return.  “Might make a great novel.” Loki leaned in when she quieted and I didn’t move, watching her lift a hand to trail her fingers down my cheek.

            “I can feel…that you wish to kiss me,” I murmured and amusement flashed over her green eyes. “What I said a few moments ago…it still stands.”

            “Suppose, I must indulge myself,” Loki breathed, lips parting when she glanced down at my mouth. Tilting my head in response, I looked at her through heavily lidded eyes as she leaned in to capture my lips. Loki was hesitant against me, her fingers curling around the skirt of my dress. I closed my eyes and pressed a second softer kiss against her before light shifted over Loki’s body just so I leaned out and he was himself once more.

            “Would you consider…shifting again sometime?”

            “Curious now, are you?” He chuckled when I touched his hand, eyeing the black nails. Loki told me it was common in sorcerers after the effects of certain types of magic. I wondered if mine would change and why. What color they would go?

            “I think you are as well.” I replied. "That form. It's not just a disguise. An illusion. Is it?"

            "Perhaps, it started that way. Some days, I'll walk the grounds or run errands. It feels natural on occasion." Loki sighed. "The Elders would sweep me over the coals for it."

            "Fortunately, they cannot now." I was toneless, eyes melting into his. Loki blinked and watch my face before he nodded.

            "Fortunately. Yes." He considered it. "And yet, they will be replaced by another. For better or worse."

** ** **

            “Are you going to consider showing me that book?”

            “Sweetheart, it’s already tucked away and you’ve a lot to do already,” Loki settled his arm around my waist as we entered the palace, the skies darkened.

            “Fine, keep your secrets, I know you have many,” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

            “My room tonight?” He suggested and I nodded, huddling closer when a chill ran though the air. “I’ve a few things to do first before we go to bed.”

            “I should really go back to visit Fandral, see if he’s okay…” I paused when he stopped walking. “Actually…I’ve made this mistake before. I’ll visit him tomorrow so I don’t interrupt him if he’s with a partner…”

            “Sounds like he cannot hold himself together at the moment.” Loki quipped so we walked on again.

            “As if you’ve never had that problem.” I countered, my lip tugged upwards at his expression.

            “We do not discuss any of those times.” Loki opened his bedroom door to allow me inside. “I’ve a task for you while I work. A magic exercise of sorts. I think you need it.”

            “It’s too late.” I laughed lightly as he shut the door.

            “Nonsense,” he shifted to his desk. “Since it appears to be a theme today. Simply shift into your feline form for a while. Trust me, it will assist. You’re getting better, yes?”

            “I try to do it once in a while. Sometimes, it takes too much out of me and I end up passing out for a bit once I shift back.”

            “You’ll be under my supervision. If you cannot shift back or feel close to passing out, I’ll assist you.” Loki was going through some papers, getting a pen ready to write and I nodded. Shaking out my limbs, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was crouched on the floor. “Perhaps I should have put milk out,” he voiced idly, not glancing at me as he worked. Shaking my head, I leapt onto the desk to watch him before flopping down to rest. “Graceful.” The prince commented and I flicked my tail at him when someone knocked on the door. “Come in,” Loki sighed and Thor entered. I didn’t move, tilting my head back to watch the elder prince.

            “Hope you’ve no plans for tomorrow, brother.”

            “Let me guess, you’ve an adventurous outing for our little group of companions. What are we doing this time? Unexplored caves? A week at sea?”

            “Your excitement astounds me, as always,” Thor paced over, glancing at me as I hopped off the desk to rub against his legs. “The beauty is that we don’t have a set plan. Simple exploration.” The beastly prince bent down to gently pat my head, scratching behind my ears and I purred.

            “Oh, so you both are suddenly friends now?” Loki spoke instead as I glanced up at him, inwardly amused when his eyebrow twitched. “Any reason for this grand adventure?”

            “Get away from the palace. If I have to attend another diplomat meeting, I might smash my hammer into my own head.” Thor stood while I rounded his legs.

            “Poor brother, you must salvage the rest of that brain. I insist.” Loki smirked widely. “Constant preparation to be Asgard’s  _adored_  king must be  _so exhausting_. Can’t say I know what that’s like.”

            “You would detest it as much as I do. So, you’re coming tomorrow?”

            “Cannot refuse the future King.” Loki sighed, sitting back.

            “But, you can refuse your brother.” Thor paused and Loki quieted, eyes flickering up. “But, I want you there more than anyone. Allow yourself a break.” Loki swallowed and tried to force his gaze away, his words choked.

            “ _Fine_.” The sorcerer replied. “Wherever you wish to go, then. Don’t get me killed.”

            “Good,” Thor’s face brightened with a large smile and Loki’s lips turned upward. The elder prince spoke my name and I perked up. “Invite her as well. We’ll leave in the early afternoon on a small vessel. Pack accordingly.”

            “Of course,” Loki glanced at me before stating, “I’ll let her know, wherever she’s  _lounging_  about now.”

            “How…is she?” Thor asked reluctantly and I paused, staring up at his back.

            “Fine.” Loki replied pointedly.

            “It is just since…” Thor trailed off. “She seems different. Suddenly always practicing her archery on the training grounds. Avoiding others more so than usual. And those gloves. I don’t see either of you practicing magic as much these days on palace grounds. She does not speak of those days so I will not push.” Thor was more observant than most thought. Loki seemed a little agitated and exhaled through his nose quietly as his brother spoke. “Does she speak to you of- _argh!_ ” Abruptly, I latched onto the back of his calf and began to climb. Thor appeared more surprised than anything as I got up onto his shoulders, causing him to hunch.

            “I knew I liked the little beast for a reason,” Loki mused. Thor chuckled at me when I purred loudly. Nudging and rubbing my furry face into his jaw, Thor managed to pet my back.

            “She likes me now.” He laughed again so I continued and Loki’s face went flat at my affections. Thor smelled nice and I rubbed against the blond scruff on his face then leapt to Loki’s desk.

            “She’s merely prepping you to be attacked by other animals,” Loki set his jaw but I meowed sweetly and got into his lap. Huffing at us, he set one hand on my back before he continued. “As for your questions. She is fine. I can assure you. Just adjusting still.”

            “Asgard is better off, I think. I simply wanted to make sure she was as well.”

            “I’ll let her know that you are thinking of her,” Loki’s hand shifted over my fur. “We’ll both be ready tomorrow. After our second meal?”

            “Yes, until then brother. Goodnight.” Thor was turning to go and Loki hummed in response. The door shut and I heard it lock magically before the prince glanced down.

            “You think you’re so hilarious still.” He mused when I got up and went around his desk, shifting back as I stumbled.

            “I know it.” I crossed my arms after brushing my clothing off. “That was sweet of him.”

            “We can’t have people asking questions if you still want to keep this all a secret,” Loki stated instead, glancing back at his papers and I looked down.

            “I know,” I fiddled with my gloves before I changed the subject. “I don’t feel too light-headed after that. I’m getting better maybe…” I exhaled, glancing at Loki for that pride I wanted to see in his gaze but, he didn’t look up.

            “That much is good.” The prince nodded and I clasped my hands, searching still for his eyes. After a moment of quiet staring, I almost turned but Loki paused to look up at me in question. “Was there something else you wanted to say?” I could think of at least a million things.

            “No,” I smiled and shook my head to hide how forced it was. “I’ll get ready for bed.” I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face before cleaning up. Changing into a red nightgown, I went back into the main room and got into bed. Sitting up against the headboard, I felt heavy suddenly. That heaviness that was actually always there. Like my heart was pumping tar instead of blood. Softly, I found my voice again. “Will you join me soon?”

            “Yes,” he looked distractedly though his things. What magic or knowledge could hold him so far away from me? “I’ll just be a moment. Get some rest for tomorrow. Apparently we’ve plans now.” I merely nodded and slipped down rolling onto my side to face away from him.

            “Goodnight, Loki.”

            “Sleep well,  _little beast_.”

** ** **

            “ _Oh…Loki…_ ” Moonlight seeped in through the curtains and the blankets shifted to his hips. Tightening my legs around his waist, I bucked my hips up to meet his thrusting. Pleasure flowed through my veins as my heart pumped faster against his. Loki kissed my neck, keeping his quick pace and I held him closer. I felt like I was on cloud nine, body soaring through bliss as the world became a haze. Loki leaned up on his arms to watch me, his face a blur and I moaned out. I closed my eyes for a moment to enjoy the sensation, my soul lifting to the heavens.

            “Your colors still fight to dominate. Unsurprised.” Looking up at Loki’s blurred face, I realized it wasn’t him anymore.  _Nerien_ , I tried to say, but my lips couldn’t form the syllables. Dazed, I was splayed there under him while he moved, strong body sliding against mine. Colors washed together but I could make out his blackened eyes watching me intently as he thrust into my body. I felt like I was in shock. He kissed me and I didn’t move. I couldn’t. He caressed my face. My hair. My body. He leaned in once more and turned back into Loki as he sat up.

            “ _Lo-ki…_ ” I breathed, unable to move.

            “What is the matter, sweetheart?” Loki kissed my neck and my eyes went wide when Nerien was looking down at me again.

            “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” Nerien tilted his gaze. “Allow me to help you.” My eyes flooded with tears. I wanted to scream out. I felt like I was floating.  He traced a finger down my bare breast, his hair falling over his shoulders and brushing against my skin. “Meet an equal. Your souls might intertwine. Can you feel me?” Nerien kissed my unresponsive lips in my haze, thrusting slowly. “Under your skin.” He settled one hand by my head, our faces close as he pumped himself inside me. “Woven into your veins.” I could taste him when he kissed me, tongue flicking out past my teeth. I felt him inside my body as it clenched around him.  _Wake up_ , I thought.  _Just wake up._  I felt his clawed hands dig into my skin and I sat there with mine over my head, practically limp. “Carved into your bones.” I felt my breathing speed, eyes wide and darting around but everything felt slower. Sharp teeth scratched at my neck as he ran his other hand down my chest, rolling one nipple between his fingers. “Seeping into the cracks of your brain.” His thrusting forced my body into a small arch, legs bent and spread while he kept pounding between them. He felt good. “Smoke filling under your ribcage as I’m burned into your heart.” Nerien’s voice was hoarse with his heavy breathing.

            “ _Ngh_ …” I gasped out and he filled me with every fluid thrust. 

            “No… I cannot keep you truly.” His chest rose and fell, free hand cradling the back of my head. “No, it is you who has kept me.” Nerien watched my face, eyes blinking once as he traced my bottom lip with one finger. “We loved. Did we not?” Nerien leaned in again to kiss me and I suddenly felt this enormous weight on my chest. Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced them open to see a different scene. Lying on a slab, a breeze roamed along my chest and my world continued to swirl in a slow haze.

            “Loki…” I croaked again, eyes looking around the ceiling above me. A felt a blanket shift around my waist and looked down, horror flooded my insides. My chest had been cut open, flesh all peeled back to expose my ribcage. I tried to scream out and nothing but air made it past my lips.

            “I am here…” Loki appeared over me, touching my head tenderly and hushing me. “Marvelous, is it not? So much to be learned from you. You will change these realms.” I saw my insides shifting with life as I breathed. Blood and muscles moving freely. Heart pumping blood. Lungs squeezing and expanding. Loki traced one finger down the sternum, snapping his fingers and it cracked open like he’d just unlocked it. I was shaking, going further into shock. I felt no pain but great pressure weighing me down. Loki peeled my skin back, cracked open the bones, shifted his hands through my insides; I couldn’t breathe for a moment. I felt sick and peaceful at the same time. “Look,” his voice beckoned me back. “No smoke in your lungs. No tar in your blood. No ashes in your heart. No glass shredding your insides. You’re so  _whole_ …though you rarely feel that way. Do you see?”

            I merely inhaled sharply in response. My fingers splaying out and clutching rhythmically. Tears fell from the corners of my eyes and I tried to move. I was completely and utterly exposed to him. Something about this made it feel as if I wanted it. Loki’s hands were bloodied when he was done tearing me apart and putting me back together. Fingers curled around my internal organs and squeezed briefly.

            “Your heart is pumping, despite your mind’s pleas for it to stop.” Loki’s hands were on my heart, fingertips skimming across it like delicate dancers. “Such a powerful thing.” He picked up a vase of red roses and set it next to me, plucking one up with a stem covered in thorns. “Remember,” he mused softly, smelling the scent of the flower briefly before he tucked it next to my heart. Loki continued, filled my insides to the brim with these damn flowers. Thorns and petals caressed my internal processes as he set my ribcage back, the bones locking together. I tried to breath with them. "Hush now." Roses wove between organs and bones, growing and twisting, filling each crevice and capillary. Blooming inside me. He set more in just so like he was putting together a puzzle. Mouth agape, I felt each them squeeze within my body and he pulled my flesh back together, threading a needle into my skin to sew it back up. Thorn covered stems began to poke out of my chest so he continued and stopped to admire his work. “ _Perfect_.”

            “ _Ah_ …” I tried to speak, head lulling back as the vines shifted under my skin and broke through in some places. Blood trickled out around the healthy rose vines and I stared up at Loki with widening eyes as they grew and fed off of me. _Wake up!_  I couldn’t breathe still. He touched my face so sweetly, plants slipped between the sewn skin to bloom fully. Bursting from my chest, the roses suffocated me.

            “I’ve got you. You’re here.” Loki soothed, calling my focus while he cradled my head. “You’re whole.” The roses grew taller above us and another voice beckoned from my opposite side.

            “ _Magnitude_ ,” Nerien breathed, plucking a flower from above to bring it to his nose and Loki didn’t seem to notice him. Blood dripped down onto us all as they grew massive, tearing me back open but Loki kept sewing to hold me shut. “There are no secrets here.” Nerien stated then, his voice a distance echo. I wasn’t in pain but, it isn’t stopping, the crackling of vines didn’t relent. They’re in the back of my throat, coiling around my spine, between every rib and every joint, seeping into the marrow of my bones, plunging in and out of my flesh.

            They ripped me apart and I don’t die. They held me back together and I don’t die.

            When I finally screamed out, I felt the blood and petals come up before I jolted up in bed. Hurriedly feeling around my chest, I breathed sporadically in the dark bedroom as Loki stirred next to me. Twisting around while he jumped at last to attention, I realized I was whimpering and hyperventilating before I fell backwards and out of the bed. Loki was scrambling when my back knocked into a side table, sending a vase of roses into my lap. Instinctively, I screamed and threw it across the room before Loki could stop me.

            “You’re here, it was just a dream!” Loki’s frantic voice filled my brain while he took my face to hush me. Crying softly, I had to shy away when his emotions touched mine. I stared at him, pitifully wiping my own tears before I pulled myself together so I didn't have a panic attack. My heart beat loudly when I looked at him and sniffled so I could speak.

            “ _All I know are thorns…_ ” I covered my mouth to collect myself. “Damn thorns.” Not fully understanding, Loki lifted his hand again and I allowed him to touch my face. His calmer emotions filled me so I took his wrist.

            “Come here,” he picked me up to set me back in the bed. “Deep breath.” I nodded as he covered me and inhaled sharply before I turned over to face his side and was met with the sight of Nerien’s half-burnt corpse.

            “Remember, my curious Asgardian. Always remember.” His eyes shot up and I gasped out, finally waking up in bed next to Loki. I felt around to make sure that this was indeed real.

            “Are you alright?” Loki, sleeping on his stomach, shifted to crack his eyes open.  _No_.

            “Yes.” I choked out before lying down and peering over at him. “No…” I swallowed and shifted closer. Loki allowed me to seek refuge in his embrace, I had to close my eyes when I began to feel him more deeply. I wanted so badly to just sit in his arms. “I had a bad dream.” The sun was about to rise in the early hours of the morning. Loki was lying back against the pillows with me on his chest, wrapped up in the blankets and his arms. “Can we stay like this for a while longer?” I asked, feeling his fingers shift into my hair.

            “Of course,” he pressed a kiss on the top of my head so I settled an arm around him. Keeping my eyes shut, I stayed there in silence until we had to get up for the day.

** **  **

            “We’ve been flying about for hours,” Volstagg lamented from his spot next to Sif. “It’ll get dark any minute.” Thor chuckled near the helm while he drove with Hogun's assistance and Loki rolled his eyes next to me. Tuning out their conversation, I shifted to sit closer to Fandral.

            “You’ve been awfully quiet today. Are you sure you should have come?”

            “I spilled a glass of wine and a plate of dinner on myself last night in front of everyone. When did I get so damn clumsy?” Fandral peered around me before he spoke. “Did you curse me?”

            “Perhaps you should consider that your problems are on you,” Loki replied, tilting his head and I nudged at his leg.

            “I want it to stop,” Fandral huffed, sitting back when I set a gloved hand on his shoulder. “I came because I thought it would focus me.” He muttered and I offered him a smile.

            “You’ll get your grace back,” I replied as Loki leaned over my shoulder.

            “ _Grace?_  Whenever did you have grace, Fan- _mmmfff_ ,” Loki was cut off when I set my free hand over his mouth, not looking at him as I did. “ _Mmmm_.”

            “Ignore him.” I exhaled, still smiling sweetly at Fandral and he brightened.

            “Always so good to me, my sweet lady,” he kissed my hand, eyes flickering to Loki behind me.

            “Perhaps, I shall curse you,” Loki pulled from my palm and I rolled my eyes between them. Thor was lowering the barge closer to the forest and I felt a raindrop on my head as I stood.

            “Both of you, behave for this trip.” I crossed my arms. “No curses.”

            “There goes my fun,” Loki exhaled a bit dramatically before a few raindrops hit his hair. “Thor, I know your trip isn’t filled with the adventure you crave but could you keep your tears to a minimum?”

            “That is not me,” Thor called from the helm, appearing to struggle with the lever. “Why is this stuck?” He growled and Hogun tried to help him turn it with little avail. “Hold on!”

             "It won't budge!" Sif joined them. The vehicle jerked abruptly and I was sent backwards into Loki and Fandral. Rain was falling heavier as we skidded down through trees, branches scraping against the sides. I heard Thor yell out before the barge made impact with the ground, tossing all of us around until we landed in a giant heap of bodies and fallen gear at the front.

            “ _Ugh_ ,” I coughed when someone moved atop me before I blinked and came back to myself. “ _Thor…”_  I wheezed as everyone around me shifted at once. “Can’t breathe…” The larger warrior scrambled to get off of me and picked me up by the arms.

            “Are you harmed?” Thor’s blue eyes met mine while he stepped away from the others with my dazed form in his grasp. I caught Loki pushing Fandral, face beet red, off of him with a growl.

            “Yes…you can put me down,” I assured him so he helped me to my feet and nodded before turning to assist the others. “Thank you.” I helped Volstagg and Sif untangle themselves from bag straps as Hogun tried to start the vehicle again.

            “Nothing,” he shook his head. The rain fell heavily against us all.

            “We’ll gather our supplies and find shelter for now.” Thor decided, pushing the vehicle under the cover of a large tree. “Let’s go.”

            “ _Where_?” Loki let out an annoyed exhale, slipping his hand over soaked black hair as I picked up our bags.

            “This province is near abandoned, we have to get away from the wilds,” Hogun added. “I saw a structure just up ahead before we went down.”

            “I’ll scout up the hill with you,” Sif left with him, both pacing quickly ahead as Thor set a bag around his chest.

            “We ought to call for the gatekeeper. Signal assistance.” Volstagg piped up when we pressed on and Loki took his bag from me.

            “No, we might have found something. A chance to explore an abandoned province.” Thor countered and Loki rolled his eyes.

            “So desperate to stay out, brother.”

            “This rain isn’t helping anything,” Fandral mumbled, hair matting down.

            “Just down there,” Sif called us to attention before we began to jog to catch up.

            “That looks ancient,” I caught sight of the manor. It was massive and looked nothing like Asgard’s current architecture with stones that were covered in moss and falling apart. “Beautiful…and very, very old. Pity the stained glass on the front isn’t well intact.”

            “Right now, it’s our shelter.” Thor began walking and we all followed. The doors were ajar when he pushed them open with a loud squeak. Loki pulled a dusty torch from the wall and lit it with Sif doing the same. The main hall was indeed beautiful but damp and crumbling with plants growing through cracks in the walls and up from the floor. Volstagg wedged the doors shut behind us and I crossed my arms when a chill ran through the air.

            “Who owned this place…? All the paintings are ruined.” I muttered. “All that history gone.”

            “You and your secret love of art.” Fandral mused.

            “Art is psychology. It’s history and culture and…well, it’s  _everything_  really. Channeled through the creativity of another. It’s important,” I countered with a shrug.

            “I’m willing to bet there’s something about this in the archives back home.” Fandral replied quietly.

            “We’ll find a room that isn’t leaking rain everywhere,” Thor pressed on when he grabbed another torch and pressed it to Loki’s for fire. When I shifted to grasp a torch, Loki took my wrist.

            “Use your hands, sends orbs of light into every top corner of the rooms we enter,” he spoke and I raised an eyebrow.

            “You could have just done that in the first place.” I tilted my head.

            “You need the practice, consider it a lesson,” Loki side-eyed Thor and I nodded, cupping my hands to do as he said as we all paced through the hallway, my lights floating above us.

            “Here,” Thor rumbled, pushing open two large double doors. “Get a fire going in that fireplace, we need warmth. Loki.”

            “Right away, my liege. Shall I shine your boots after?” Loki stepped forward to work and Thor spun to face him as he sat down in a chair to dig through a bag.

            “You both are not going to be doing this all night,” Sif groaned.

            “How about we go through the food we brought?” Volstagg was pushing old furniture to the rug near the fireplace.

            “We’ll also need some more wood and whatnot to keep this going,” Loki stood as a tiny fire dwindled behind him. “Ah. This will do,” he reached down and yanked a back leg from the chair Thor was in, sending the older prince backwards to the floor. “Perfect,” Loki tossed the leg into the fire when Thor grabbed him by the shoulder.

            “What is your problem?!” He seethed. “Speak up!”

            “Problem? No, you’re mistaken,” Loki shrugged and smiled wide as the sky outside grew darker.

            “I try to pull us together-”

            “So we can adventure freely like  _old times_? You know it won’t ever be like this when you’re king.” Loki spat. “How sentimental.”

            “Stop,” my voice went unheard.

            “Enough,” Hogun tugged at Thor, “we need to focus. Volstagg, Fandral, go hunt in the main hall for kindling. Sif and I will go through our food and water supply.”

            “Loki, stop it,” I took his wrist. My orbs of light began to dim like the room around us. Thor stomped over to the other side of the room and Loki went opposite him, yanking away from me. Rubbing my face, I joined Sif and Hogun on the floor and we all quietly worked for a few minutes. Bats flapped beyond the doors and we all paused a moment before Volstagg and Fandral returned with branches and plant to add to the fire. Loki was still standing on the other side of the room with one fist to his lips and his other arm crossed over his ribs. Thor was leaning on the wall next to a window with his arms crossed, brooding.  _Children_. I shook my head and watched Volstagg and Fandral add a giant pile of dark moss the fire, causing it to abruptly grow large and bright red.

            “ _Argh_!” Thor caught our attention when a dirty tapestry fell on him before he kicked it away. Wind blew through the dark room, flickering torches before the doors slammed. We all jumped to our feet when they tossed open and slammed again, my heart began to race.

            “You led us to a haunted ruin!” Volstagg was the first to speak as the wind grew more forcefully and a chair slammed into the wall. “We’re doomed.”

            “Loki, enough!” Thor shouted and everything stopped, save for the chuckling trickster.

            “You’re all so gullible, I was merely trying to lessen the tension.” Loki was still laughing. “Should have seen your faces.”

            “Can you not do this now?” I picked up my bow and quiver to set them aside as some of the smoke from the fire filled the air.

            “I thought I told you to light the room,” Loki replied instead and I stepped toward him, anger growing.

            “Yes, well I’m too tired to make-!”  Another door slammed in the distance, cutting over me.

            “Loki, your tricks are not needed now,” Volstagg bit into a piece of bread he was sharing with Sif.

            “That was not me this time.” Loki protested instantly as Thor stepped closer.

            “You expect us to believe that now?” Sif stood up, her disdain obvious. Everyone tried to speak at once but the bickering didn’t fall upon my ears when I glanced over at Fandral.

            “Fandral?” I moved toward him. He stood quietly in the corner near the fire, looking dazed before his head lulled.

            “Hm? I don’t…feel like myself,” he rubbed his head and fell forward.

            “Fandral!” I caught him, his face pressing into my neck before he went limp. Everyone stopped behind me but I felt a little dizzy and dropped to one knee. “Fandral?” I shook his shoulders after lying him against the floor.

            “Hogun?” Sif coughed behind us, Hogun sprawled limply over the couch.

            “What’s going on?” Thor caught Sif when she fell backwards and I blinked, this haze crawling over me as I breathed.

            “Focus,” Loki was grabbing my shoulder and I held onto Fandral. He shook his head a moment to focus himself as well. “Thor!” The younger prince’s voice called me back a bit as he stood abruptly when Thor fell to his knees. Volstagg shook my shoulders to keep me alert and I spoke.

            “What’s happening?” I glanced down at Fandral breathing softly and looked up to see Loki fall on all fours, Thor barely grasping him to stop his head from hitting the floor.

            “Loki?! Wake up! Everyone!” Thor’s voice was growing further away from me and I didn’t hear Volstagg speak behind me.

            “I…I don’t think I can…” My chest concaved with my next breath before I fell on my side, succumbing to slumber after I glanced at Loki across from me.

            The fire burned white hot and then went out.

** ** **

            Sif came to in an empty bedroom, lit by a single torch hours later. She called out for the others and received no answer so she pulled the torch from the wall. Brandishing it like a weapon, just in case, she pushed open the door and called out again. The hallway was long and her calls caused a round of bats to fly above.

            “What do you think you’re going to do with that?” A voice whispered and Sif turned wide-eyed to see people materializing. “Fight?”

            “What is this?” She breathed, taking a step back.

            “You’re just a woman, you shouldn’t be fighting.” Another echoed before a few began to laugh.

            “Shut up!” She grabbed her sore head, swinging the torch but they merely moved like smoke and appeared behind her. Sif watched friends on Asgard laugh at her attempts, her stomach twisted.

            “You cannot even protect yourself,” another voice joined and she turned to see Thor. He was laughing the loudest.

** ** **

            Hogun, on another floor was seeing visions of Vanaheim in ashes.

            “You never came back,” his wife’s voice echoed. “We needed you and you never came back. Your children grew without you, Hogun. They needed you.”

            He reached out for her but she disappeared, the vision dropping back into the old decrepit room he was in.

            “Forgive me,” he begged softly when more voices beckoned.

            “We need you here, Hogun. To leave is treason. You belong to Asgard.”

            “Vanaheim is your home.”

            “Asgard needs its warriors.”

            “Hogun, your children are asking about you.”

            “Your wife will lie with another more caring.”

            “Your children will find another to call for I suppose.”

            “ _Stop_!” Hogun, losing his temper, overturned a chair. The quiet, grim warrior lost his composure and the voices relented. “I can protect both worlds…”

            “But, you cannot always be in both.” Stated his wife before the whispers turned to air.

** ** **

            Loki had started running when he saw a flash of dark auburn hair, red in the torchlights. He shouted her name but received no answer. “Wait!” He called once more and she turned, smiling and beckoning for him like a nymph. A lush gown flitted around her bare feet. Light surrounded her and she ran into another room, causing Loki to hurry in after before he suddenly was in Asgard’s palace.

            “My King,” she raced into the arms of another man and Loki’s heart stopped when Thor looked down at her, looking regal in his royal attire. Loki couldn’t move as Thor smiled at him, something awful in it.

            “What are you doing in here?” His brother sneered. “Asgard no long  _wants_  you. We never did.”

            “Thor…” Loki stuttered as the woman he loved stood on her toes to kiss his brother. “Stop…” His voice was small and they didn’t hear it when the kiss deepened, Thor’s hands exploring her body with pure lust.  _It isn’t real_ , Loki tried to tell himself.

            “Who let this stray rat back in?” Another voice caused Loki’s heart to go cold.

            “Mother…” He about whimpered.

            “You don’t have a mother. I could never give birth to such a mistake.” Frigga was collected and emotionless.

            “I…love you.”

            “Oh, now you believe that? It’s too late, Loki.”

            “Did you ever once think I considered you to be King?” Odin appeared next to her. “Why would I? We had your brother all along.”

            “No,” Loki shook his head, tears falling from his eyes before he took off between them to run. Suddenly,  _she_  was standing in front of him again, curly hair fluttering as she shook her head. Loki skidded to a stop and fell backwards at her feet. “Sweetheart…” She merely shook her head again.

            “How could I love you? You cannot even protect me. You’re lying to me…and I know it… Nerien made me see how pathetic you really were. I  _never_  loved you… The only person who could have possibly understood me is gone. Did you really think I’d settle for you now? You think you know me…? You’ve never been there when I’m hurt. You’ve never been there for me, Loki… Even when I tried to give you affections, you would not see it. Was the power worth the loss of us?”

            “It’s only a matter of time before she comes running into my arms, Loki.” Thor stepped around him. “Perhaps I should put you out of your pathetic existence… All the lies and deceit. The desire for more. It will kill you. Perhaps, you deserve this.” Thor was lifting Mjolnir. “I’ve always  _hated_  you.”

            “I’m sorry…” Loki sputtered, crying fully now. “Brother, please. No… No! I love you…I love you both.” The smaller prince latched onto Thor’s legs, breaking apart and Thor paused.

            “He doesn’t mean it. He’s lying!” His beloved cried. “Kill him! Kill him for what he’s done…what he will do.”

            Loki closed his eyes and braced himself before he fell forward, alone. The whispers abated and he curled up on the damp floor.

             _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

** ** **

            Volstagg’s cries echoed throughout the ballroom he was in, littered with his children’s malnourished bodies. He gathered them in his arms, pleading through sobs that bubbled in his throat.

            “I couldn’t protect them, feed them…be there for them. I’m sorry…”

** ** **

            Sif was swinging her torch to keep the visions away, Thor laughed harder.

            “Giving me all your love and respect while you had none of mine. Foolish Sif. You’ll never be a warrior. They'll just humor you.” The prince chuckled further when she screamed.

            “This is not real!” She called out, her emotions flaring up. “I am Sif! Bathed in the blood of my enemies and protector of Asgard. Goddess of War!” She swung the torch harder, closing her eyes. “Shut up!” Her screams filled the room and a hand grabbed at her wrist.

            “ _Sif_.” Hogun’s voice eased, the torch lighting his face. “It’s me. We must escape from this place.” Sif shook and almost dropped the torch before she choked back her next sob. Both of them looked tattered with red rimmed eyes.

            “We must find the others.”

** ** **

            Volstagg shielded himself to stop the rocks that flew at him from friends and enemies alike. He picked up one of his children to shield the small body. “Get back!” He ordered finally. “You’ll not hurt my children! Stay away!”

            “They’re gone, Volstagg.” Stated his wife softly.

            “No… No, they’re going to grow up! They’re going to be exactly who they wish to be! Mark my words…” Volstagg looked down at his son, sniffled quieting. “I’ll make sure of it. Stay away!” The people around him faded and he gathered more children up in his arms. The moment he managed to drag them to safety outside the room, they vanished and he dropped to his knees. A tiny sound caught his attention and he looked up to see Loki at the other far end of the hallway, holding himself and shaking. Muttering to himself.

             _“_ I…I deceived the only ones who ever mattered… _”_

** ** **

            Fandral was in a room full of mirrors. Each one reflecting an old, decrepit version of himself.

            “You’ll die alone.”

            “Without friends.”

            “Without love.”

            “Without all.”

            “You’re weak.”

            He smashed one mirror and the pieces each sang with laughter. The second mirror smashed like his mind beginning to fracture.

            “They don’t need you.”

            “You know what you have to do, Fandral.”

** ** **

            When I opened my eyes, the stone floor around me was covered with various holes filled with water. I got up just as Loki’s voice caused me to jolt.

            “Here, there you are,” he opened his arms for me to rush in.

            “What happened to the others?” I asked, shaking and wet with rain. I didn’t know how many hours had passed.

            “Hush… you’re safe.” Loki eased and I looked over his shoulder. A torch lit the silhouette of Nerien standing there in the corner. Gasping, I held to Loki tightly with one arm across his shoulder. Nerien outstretched a hand toward me before I found my free hand reaching back as my fingers dug into Loki’s clothing. My breathing slowed and Loki whispered in my ear.

            “What’s the matter?” He breathed and his voice changed suddenly to my horror. “ _Don’t you love me anymore?_ ” I jolted back when hands squeezed my arms to see my stepfather’s blazing eyes. “Our secret is out. Give me a  _kiss_.”

            “ _No_!” I screeched, clawing away before I ran and nearly fell into a pool of water. “Help!” I called for the others. “Where are you?!” When I exited the door, it was as if I was re-entering the same room. I shook my head and turned but the room was the same.

            “Why do you keep leaving me alone?” A little voice beckoned for me to turn. The pale, grey child sitting on the floor shook her head, curls shifting. “Are you mad at me?”

            “ _Oh gods._ ” Tears pooled and I put my hands over my mouth. “This isn’t real. This isn’t real…”

            “But, I am real.” The little girl stood, looking messy and covered in grime. “I was real…why didn’t you want me to be? You were supposed to keep me safe and you smothered me.”

            “I did…” I cried, the vision seeping into my brain. “I tried.”

            “All you wanted to do was put me away once you took control.” She replied like a grown woman. “You took me and turned me into your bleakest nightmare. I still was not good enough. For you. For all. Why? Do you remember what he did to us?”

            “I don’t know…I…” I wiped my eyes and shifted forward. "Our job was to have a childhood. He took that. Did he not?

            “Why was I never good enough?”

            “You were.” I blinked back more tears. “You are. Everyone that hurt us. That didn’t love us… That treated us like nothing. I let that happen. I…I’m sorry. I tried to keep you alive but, I couldn’t… They didn’t love us, no matter what I did. What…What did you want from me?”

            “What I wanted was  _you_.” Her answer shook me to the core and I scratched my fingers into my hair. “If you had just loved me, none of this would have happened.”

            “I know,” I shook with sobs, falling to my knees. “I…I know. I couldn't let myself before after what happened. But, I was wrong. I do love you.”

            “I know you do.” Her tiny hand settled on my cheek. “Now is the end, you have to let me roam free. If you don’t, the good parts of me that you managed to keep will also decay. Look at me.” I did.  _I really did._  Eyes shining with tears, I saw the blood seeping through her clothing on her arms and thighs. "You're not ready to remember. To feel him. To face him. One day, perhaps. But first, face me."

            “Can you ever forgive me?”

            “If you can.” The little girl looked up as I stood before she outstretched her arms. “Do not repel me. Deny me. Or make me into something else. Accept me as I am and we can be free. You can be free.” Her fingers shifted like she’d never been held before so I embraced her to my stomach. I wanted to make up for every single shred of pain in one sweet embrace. She held tightly as if we fused together for a moment before she went limp in my arms. I kneeled down and held her, rocking her to me while I cried.

            “Remember what…I promised you. I’ll keep that promise.”

            “I can take her from here.” Nerien touched the back of my shoulder. I held her tighter as he came around me.

            “Why are you  _haunting_  me?!” I screamed, shifting forward.

            “Because you will it. Others will come. You must give us all a place to stay and we'll tend the grounds.” Nerien was calm. Understanding even. “It will improve. I told you. I’ll always be a part of you now. As she.” He kneeled down to take the child from my arms, setting his forehead against mine briefly, though I didn’t feel his emotions. He stood and turned to go away from me into the shadows. “You’re needed elsewhere.”

            “I don’t know what to be now.” I confessed slowly and he paused, the child tucked firmly in his arms. Nerien looked at me, eyes blinking before he gave a firm murmur that surrounded me.

            “ _All_.”

** ** **

            Thor awoke to the sight of Loki fighting frost giants, his visions of battle consuming him.  _We’ll fight them together, brother._  Loki thrust and parried with his weapon.  _Just like old times._ As Thor stood, one slit his brother’s throat before they disappeared but Loki remained and didn’t react when Thor screamed for him.  _We can go back together. Just like old times, brother._  The elder prince cradled Loki like he was a babe again and Frigga was teaching him how to hold him. _Cradle his head_ , she’d always say.

            “Come back,” Thor found himself saying but Loki stared up at him with empty green eyes. “ _Brother, please._ ”

            “You did this,” Frigga’s voice caught his attention and suddenly Loki’s body was gone. “You killed your brother.”

            “Mother, no!” Thor scrambled to get up but she couldn’t look at him.

            “Can’t protect him. Asgard will fall in your hands, Thor.”

            “No.”

            “ _Loki is dead!_ ” Frigga’s shout was terrifying. “Because of you.” Thor was falling apart insides, the seams on his mind splitting.

            “No,” he tried again, covering his ears. _Loki. I’m sorry. We didn’t want this._

            “You’re no son of mine,” in Frigga’s place was Odin. “You’re weak, Thor. You’re just a fool. I was unwise to put my faith in you.”  _All I want are those precious years back._ But, they slipped away while his steps drew up the stairs of that throne.

            “Stop!” Thor’s voice ran out.

            “ _Silence_!” Odin’s hand smacked across Thor’s face and he fell backwards, suddenly a child cowering away from his father’s footsteps again. “Asgard deserved better than you.”

            “So did I.” Loki’s corpse was on the floor behind him. Thor’s emotions swelled and became too much. He bashed his fists into the ground and didn’t think much of it when Mjolnir didn’t come _. Give me those precious years back._ His rage magnified and he screamed, lightning striking behind him. Enemies from battles past materialized to laugh at him. Power was lighting his body up when his armor and clothing tore to shreds from his form.  _Where is my brother? We’ll fight them together._

            “No!” He raged and Odin hit him again. Thor lashed out, thunder cracking hard enough to shake the room. He couldn’t control himself.  _Loki is dead. Brother, come back. My fault_. Something snapped and sent him over the edge before his eyes glowed white and the  _beserker_  set in. An animalistic growl echoed while crackles of electricity sparked around his eyes and in his mouth.  _Brother. Loki. Gone._  When a lone frost giant stood in the door, Thor lost himself completely and tore off the rest of his armor before he lunged.  _Kill._

** ** **

            “Thor!” I called when I felt the manor shake before I broke down a door. Relieved, I caught my breath and spoke, realizing that he was half-naked and breathing heavily. “Thor…?” When he turned, crouched over like a mad bilgesnipe, Thor’s frightening white eyes blazed into me. “Thor…it’s me.” He screamed a high-pitched sound, lightning swirling around him and I grew frantic. “Thor! It’s me!”  _Oh gods_. I’d never seen Thor like this, only heard tales of what could happen when such a powerful Asgardian is pushed into a trance-like state of fury. I also know that nothing can get in their way. _I cannot fight him._

            So when he lunged, I took off running.  _Hide._

** ** **

            Fandral, fists badly bloodied, caught sight of Sif dressed in an angelic white gown and beckoning for him to follow.

            He did so blindly.  _Please_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points if you look up the meanings of the name Tordis. ;) Thank you again, readers. Part two will be up right after. Major smut warning to come.


	20. Miscellaneous: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I 200% picture Eva Green when Loki shapeshifts into a woman. The sharp and brooding angles of her face are just too perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last! Warning for suicide mentions/coercion. Heavy threesome smut scene.

            “Thor!” I cried while he jumped from wall to wall, smashing pillars down as I ran. “Come back!” I raced along the hallway before tumbling down the stairs. Thor smashed his body down next to me, fists breaking open the floor before he screeched at me. I screamed for help and kept running, my body sore and heart racing. I turned the corner and ran into the first room, spotting my bow tossed carelessly on the floor. Not knowing how it got there, I grabbed it but saw no arrows around so I was forced to hide under the bed. I couldn’t hurt Thor. But, he was going to kill me. I covered my mouth when the doors broke off their hinges violently. It was so dark but I could make out his footsteps as he overturned items in the room. The bed flew away and Thor picked me up by the throat, squeezing the life from me. White eyes glowed brighter. Tears fell down his cheeks and sparked. Before he could snap my neck, I got my bow over his head and tugged to jerk him back by the neck and away from me. Without a second thought, Thor dropped me and snapped my bow over his knee like it was nothing.

             My heart sank.

            Voices called for me and I found the strength to continue running out of the room. I called out for help, my throat tight but Thor grabbed me by the arm and tossed me into a pillar. Pain seared up my ribs when I rolled over as he approached me, looking utterly feral and deadly.

            “Thor,” I tried again, my hand outstretching toward him. Desperately, I was sliding backwards. He grabbed my jaw and smacked me into the floor, sending stars into my eyes when my skull made contact. Kneeling over me, Thor clasped his fists together and lifted them, readying to smash my bones in.

            “ _No_!” Loki dove between us, back facing me as he scrambled and put his hand out to stop his brother. Thor furrowed his brow, some of his awareness came back and Volstagg pulled me out from underneath Loki, cradling me like a child. Sif and Hogun came toward Thor but Loki shouted. “Get back!”

             _“Loki.”_  Thor’s hoarse voice broke, his shoulders dropping reluctantly before he touched Loki’s face.

            “Yes, it’s me.” Loki took Thor’s arms, both sitting up on their knees. “I’m here, brother.”

            “Alive…” Thor grumbled and his eyes appeared to be normal, the lightning around his form ceasing. His blond head fell toward Loki’s chest, shoulders sagging and they embraced like they were children once more. I caught my breathing and looked around at the messy state of everyone.

            “I’m here.” Loki stated softly, eyes wide with fear for a moment.

            “I…I almost…” Thor gazed at me but I stood with Volstagg’s help and looked around.

            “Where’s Fandral?”  _No_.

            ** ** **

            Fandral climbed higher on a set of broken stairs, a rope hung down to greet him as he reached for Lady Sif.

            “You know what you have to do.” She stated in a voice that was not her own. “Come with me…” Fandral’s neck greeted the rope’s harsh material and he stepped forward. “There’s a better place waiting… Come with me, Fandral.”  _Jump._

** ** **

            “Take me with you,” Fandral’s empty voice echoed while I sprinted far ahead of the group, into another room with a broken floor that was filled with water. Fandral stood on a ledge, a noose squeezing his neck.

            “ _Fandral_!” I screamed, making my way over debris before I began to climb when the others grew closer. “I found him! In here!” I called for them, climbing. “Fandral! Wait, look at me!” Fandral was stepping closer as I climbed faster, rocks falling out around me. I remember a time when we were children and climbing trees for the higher apples. So ripe and perfect. He smiled and laughed softly as he did then when I got to the top and set out my hands. “Come here, Fandral!” My friend stopped and turned toward me.

            “I can’t. She’s waiting.” The floor under us shook before it crumpled and we both began to fall. Flying back, I grabbed for the curtain bar his rope was tied to before I clawed at it. Instead the bar broke under my weight and the rope slipped off before I fell toward the floor. Rocks crashed down around and I heard a large splash behind me. Thor dove over me to shield my body from a huge piece of stone that broke against his back. The dust cleared and found myself shouting.

            “Help him!” I cried, sobbing.

            “He isn’t breathing!” Sif was pulling Fandral’s unmoving body from the water as Loki helped Thor and I up but I pushed them away and kept screaming. Loki blinked at me and spun on his heel before the others could begin tending to Fandral.

             _“Help him!”_  I watched Loki push Sif and Hogun out of the way before he hit Fandral’s chest and I crawled over next to Volstagg.

            “ _Gods be damned, you fool!_ ” Loki leaned over, took Fandral’s face, and pressed their mouths together to breathe air into his lungs. He pressed his fist against Fandral’s chest, magic glowed, until he’d arched up with a cough. Air finally found my lungs as I pressed my hands over my heart for a moment. Gathering Fandral’s torso into my arms, I held him up while he coughed the water from his lungs before I pulled the noose from his neck fully and kicked it away. Noticing the red bruise around his neck, I held Fandral’s head to my chest and looked up at Loki before I mouthed,  _thank you_.

            “You alright?” Sif touched Fandral’s shoulder and he nodded, blue eyes gazing at her.

            “Always for you…my Lady Sif.”

** ** **

            “It wasn’t spirits,” Loki explained easily, pointing to a corner. “That moss growing there isn’t normal. The one we put on the fire. It burned and caused us to bloody hallucinate.” We found the way toward the front and gathered our things, I looked down at my shattered bow helplessly and said nothing. Most of us nodded and turned to go, the morning sun and air upon us as we filed out. When Volstagg exited we’d barely made it a few steps before the doors slammed shut.

            “The wind.” Hogun stated, not caring if we believed it.

            “Of course.” Sif replied in the same tone. We didn’t look back when we made it to the forest and I didn’t let go of Fandral’s bloodied hand. I’d taken off my gloves so I could be sure he was really here. His emotions somewhat reminded me of a lost child. It made my soul fizzle.

            “It still needs to be repaired,” Volstagg shook his head but Loki got in and started it like it was nothing.

            “Coincidence.” Loki spoke numbly as we began to put our things back in. This province was filled with dangerous, untouched wilds and was near unlivable. We should have known. The rich families before us likely died and then perhaps even stalked it in the late hours. Thor, wrapped up in a cloak and his tattered clothing, stopped me by touching the broken bow in my hand.

            “I did this.” He blinked several times before taking me in one arm to hold me, causing me to drop it. I let him, swallowing to hold myself together before I tugged Fandral into the hug. I felt safe and so did they as their feelings filled me. My lost friend came willingly and Sif dropped her things to come forward, planting herself between Thor and Fandral. Volstagg pulled Hogun in with him and Loki exhaled, stepping out of the vehicle.

            “We don’t have time for this- _ngh_ ,” Both Thor and I pulled Loki toward us and he came easily, exhaling into the embrace. We stayed like that together and I closed my eyes tightly, secure in the arms of all my friends as I held onto them. We found our healing stones to nurse each other back to health and then began the trek home without a word.

** ** **

            “We part ways and regroup to discuss this in our usual room tomorrow after the first meal.” Thor was the first to speak when we got back to Asgard. No one disagreed so we parted ways, the sun shining as if nothing had happened. It was lunch time. People would be eating and feasting and enjoying their day. I turned to Loki and silently found my voice.

            “I want to take Fandral home and stay with him until then.” I swallowed and Loki paused, eyes sliding to the blond shuffling away behind me.

            “I’m not leaving you alone.” He stated instead. “I’ll be over with fresh clothes and food for us. Go and wait for me.” Surprised, I nodded and kissed Loki lightly before I caught up with Fandral.

            “I’m a fool.” He rubbed his healed neck idly. “What I did… What’s it like for you to think about doing that so often like you did in the past?” His words caught me and I exhaled sharply.

            “You get used to it.” I replied evenly and Fandral took my hand.

            “That sounds truly awful, my lady.”

** ** **

            “Fandral…do you need anything?” I called from outside the bathroom door of his new comfortable home. The dorms never suited him well enough so he found a place new the main city.

            “No.” He replied softly, emerging a few minutes later in a loose dark blue shirt and brown pants. “The room is all yours. Do you need any clothing?”

            “Loki brought me some,” I picked up the simple purple dress and undergarments. “He said he’d be back with food. You should rest until then.”

            “I do not wish to sleep.” Fandral replied. It was still the middle of the day, sun poking through clouds but he’s shut most of his curtains.

            “I don’t blame you,” I shrugged, “I don’t want to either.”

            “Left you a towel in there.” Fandral ran a hand into his damp hair before he turned when I nodded. Pausing to say my name softly, he made me stop quickly.

            “Yes?”

            “I…” Fandral opened his mouth and closed it before he continued with something else. “That woman you were with. The one I flirted with. Was that-?”

            “Yes.” I pressed my lips together. “Yes, it was.”

            “I thought as much.” Fandral turned with a sigh, his lips slightly upturning and I grinned as well but he stopped me again.

            “Yes?” I asked again promptly.

            “That place. It wasn’t just the moss drugging us, was it?”

            “No,” I breathed, “I don’t think so. They say souls can latch onto a place, even in death.”

            “Thank you.”

            “For what?”

            “For…I don’t know… Being my friend and companion.” Fandral shut his eyes briefly before he added. “For not letting me fall alone.”

            “You are welcome. You should know that Loki got you breathing again.”

            “I must thank your beloved for his kiss of life, then.” Fandral turned on his heel. I smiled softly and left to clean myself off. Stepping closer to the shower, I closed my eyes under the water and let it wash away the dirt; clearing my brain at the same time. After drying off and changing, I left the bathroom just as Loki arrived with food. He’d cleaned up himself and was wearing a simpler outfit of green and black to relax in, holding a bag of food in one hand. “Let me get Fandral.” I paced into the bedroom. Loki began to set things on the table behind me. Fandral was fast asleep in a chair with his legs tucked up to his chin and I smiled a little at his seemingly peaceful form. Hesitating, I pulled off my gloves and set them aside to touch his head, instantly jolting away after a moment. Loki leaned his body against the doorway and quirked up an eyebrow at me.

            “I’m just making sure he’s alright.” I whispered. “No nightmares, I think.” Carefully, I got my arms under Fandral’s frame and picked him up, stumbling and Loki stifled a chuckled when I hushed him. Easing Fandral into his bed, I covered him and nudged Loki out with me but didn’t shut the door all the way.

            “Why did Fandral move out of the palace dorms?” Loki muttered when I took a seat on the floor between the couch and small table.

            “He found this place and like it,” I shrugged, “probably felt a little freer in this village. It’s the same distance as the palace to the training grounds and the villages need more warriors I suppose. I like this place actually. Though, I miss where he lived before the palace. Bit cozier.”

            “He isn't a terrible decorator,” Loki beamed slightly before changing the subject. “There are overly cushioned chairs and an equally soft couch behind you…yet you’re sitting against it on the floor.”

            “I’m comfortable here.” I patted the fur rug next to me and Loki sat down, stretching his legs under the table.

            “Eat something,” he pulled some bread, butter, and fruit out of the sack. “Brought wine for after.”

            “You always bring wine.” I replied, reaching out to tuck some hair behind his ear. “I’m more comfortable touching you now.”

            “Well, I should hope so,” Loki chuckled and bit into a piece of bread as I buttered some.

            “I mean…you  _know_  what I mean. Just wary of the temples. Sometimes I feel so much and…I think I might be seeing memories…or fragments of them. Like flashing images tied to the emotions people are feeling. But…when I touch elsewhere, I feel this stir of feelings and it slowly fades after. I told you all this earlier but, I’m getting used to it now. I think I need to keep saying that to reassure myself. It feels like I have so much more to discover. To touch. Maybe, I'm meant to do something important with this. Maybe...I can do something good.”

            “The improvement reflects in your magic. Focus on yourself. Good will follow because that is just...who you are.” Loki offered and I ate for a moment before I spoke in a lower tone.

            “Should we talk about what happened in that manor?”

            “Probably.”

            “Do you want to?” I asked then and he shook his head. “It’s odd. Neither do I. I will say that whatever horror you saw…I hope it didn’t make you feel isolated from me. I love you.” I settled a palm on his shoulder and he put his hand over mine after a moment.

            “I love you,” his thumb brushed my knuckle. “Does this hurt?”

            “Not now.” I watched him lean in before he bit into the peach in my hand, both of us chuckling and I quieted him. “That was not polite.”

            “ _Oh_ , you thought I meant to kiss you.” His eyebrows quirked up and I rolled my eyes, sitting back before he pressed his lips to mine briefly, tasting sweet.

            “Don’t mind me.” Fandral appear in the doorway, hair tousled as we broke apart. “No, don’t stop on my account. I could take a few notes.”

            “You barely slept half an hour,” I tilted my head while he came over and sat on the floor against the chair in front of the table’s side.

            “Smelt food. I assure you that I’m quite rejuvenated.” Fandral grinned, taking my wrist to bite into my peach.

            “I need to stop eating fruit around you all. This happens too often,” I leaned one elbow on the table to hold my head and allowed him.

            “Would you still want that peach knowing I took a  _bite_  before you?” Loki cocked his head at Fandral and the dashing warrior smirked with grace. Accepting the challenge, Fandral again took my wrist and bit into the fruit, staring at Loki as he did. My cheeks swelled with heat that pooled down in my stomach

            “ _Stop_  betting with my food,” I sent Loki a glare and pulled away from Fandral. “It’s mine and you can bet your own fruit.”

            “Having to do things myself is a bore,” Fandral was buttering some bread.

            “This is probably why your last few lovers have left unsatisfied.” Loki commented and I nudged his ribcage.

            “No, you  _cursed_  me.” Fandral pointed the butter knife, taking a large bite of bread.

            “I did not curse you,” Loki scoffed outward and I set my peach pit down.

            “I’m going to curse you both in a moment.” I popped a grape in my mouth and chewed.

            “Fandral is simply jaded about accidentally flirting with me,” Loki mused and I sent him a look, quirking up my brow. Fandral swallowed, cheeks going pink and he looked slightly mortified before he smiled.

            “My dear prince, what makes you think I’ve never swung my  _sword_  that way?” Fandral’s words caused me to choke on my next grape with laughter, covering my mouth.

            “ _Hm_.” Loki, not able to come up with a retort, patted my back when I stopped coughing.

            “I’ve won this round,” Fandral reached over the table and picked up a wine bottle to observe the label. “Always with the red wine.” He popped it open and gestured to my cup. “My lady?”

            “Yes, please.” I watched him smile and pour before he poured some in Loki’s glass without asking.

            “A toast, to the curse being broken. Hopefully.” Fandral looked smug when I clanked with him and Loki’s expression turned flat. He instead downed his glass without bothering with us.

            “You make the thought of cursing you ever so desirable.” Loki pressed his lips together when they upturned.

            “I’m a desirable man, I know.” Fandral sipped and set his glass down when I did, always so pleased with himself. He paused and leaned back, glancing at me as he set his arms up on the chair behind him. “Did you think I was joking earlier?”

            “About which way your sword swings?” I raised an eyebrow, leaning against Loki next to me. “Actually, I wasn’t surprised. I know the type of parties that happen after big battles. You just never mention it.”

            “Many in our higher society prefer it that way. An unfortunate thing.” Fandral quipped and I nodded but went on

            “Sexually, nothing really surprises me these days.”

            “Loki, what have you done to her?” Fandral looked aghast, joking obviously. “As her closest friend, I demand that you sexually excite and surprise her.” I rubbed my temples when my cheeks went warm at Fandral’s words.

            “I do my very best, she isn’t like us in that light.” Loki paused when my head snapped to him. “No, I wouldn’t change that. You know this.”

            “Better. Nice save.” I smiled sweetly.

            “Suppose that makes sense, she never succumbed to my charms growing up,” Fandral chuckled.

            “Perhaps, you lack them.” Loki countered, earning a glare.

            “Perhaps, we should ask her.” Fandral gestured to me as I sat back when they both stared at me.

            “Are we seriously on this topic because I will answer, just let me know?” I clasped my hands together.

            “Yes.” They both answered so I went on.

            “Alright. As it appears, Fandral sexually desires men or women.” I began, earning a nod from my brightening friend. “Loki, you’ve not limited yourself to any gender. Me, I’m the… _none_. The neither. I am not sexually attracted to others in general, yes? Romance, I can do with anyone. Sexually, I'm open as well because men and women both delight me but I am not great in appetite. I just like to be played with. With our strong romantic and emotional connection, Loki and I got closer. Fandral, I love you, we’ve a strong emotional bond but romantically, it’s always been Loki. All right, do I make sense?”

            “You wound me so, my lady,” Fandral jested lightly before he laughed when he realized. “ _Oh_ , so you’re opposites.” I rolled my eyes when Loki chuckled with him.

            “Don’t encourage him,” I smacked Fandral’s shoulder lightly. “That doesn’t mean I’ve never thought about it, does that help?”

            “She took me into consideration,” Fandral took my hand and bowed his head to kiss it. “I can go on from here.”

            “ _Ugh_ , you’re really too dramatic, Fandral. I can’t say it enough.” I cracked a smile, pulling away to drink wine. He and Loki had that in common.

            “So tell us, Fandral, what man has had the pleasure? Anyone we know?” Loki’s tone grew more serious and we straightened up. This was getting deeper than I thought. I watched Fandral swish his wine before he sipped and spoke.

            “You may know the guard, Gustav, from your very palace.” Fandral grinned broadly and Loki appeared unfazed. “Nice man. Made me realize I wasn’t just about the ladies.”

            “Yes,” Loki paused before saying, “he does that thing with his tongue that makes your eyes water.” I froze and Fandral spit out some of his wine.

            “You too?” Fandral spoke but my words cut over him.

            “I’ve never made your eyes water?” I scoffed at Loki and he drew closer to my ear.

            “No, sweetheart, you make my entire body  _quiver_ ,” his tone was hushed and he kissed my jaw briefly.

            “Better…” I shifted in my seat, glancing at Fandral. “You all right?” He wiped some wine from his facial hair.

            “Are you telling me that we both…?” Fandral raised an eyebrow.

            “Looks that way.” Loki poured himself another glass and picked up an apple slice.

            “Alright,  _my prince_ , tell us about one of your lovers.” Fandral crossed his arms.

            “Sitting right here,” I muttered between them and Fandral corrected himself.

            “If the lady consents.”

            “She does,” I glanced at Loki, “I actually want to hear what Loki has to say.”

            “You know that none of my past lovers compare to you,” the prince insisted.

            “Why?” I shrugged, joking. “Apparently I can’t make his eyes water.” I shared a look with Fandral.

            “Well, I don’t have years of emotional connection with any of them. As you said. It makes the sex better in my opinion, knowing that now.” Loki started before Fandral waved a hand and scoffed. “I had a lover once named Angrboda. Not of Asgard. They were born  _medically_  with a form of male and female genitalia. Preferred to not be called by a specific gender. Wonderful lover, truth be told. We still share letters from time to time.”

            “I’m sure your shape-shifting makes it all the more interesting,” Fandral mused. “Have you two…?”

            “ _Not_  yet,” I spoke lightly before Loki could.

            “Are you hoping that I’ll shift into you one day while I’m with her, Fandral?” Loki quirked up one eyebrow and I let out an amused breath at this whole change in conversation. Not realizing how comfortable I had become with them, I relaxed into Loki more as he traced a finger over my hand.

            “Why would you need to do that when I’m here now?” Fandral took a drink and looked up at us both, blue eyes glinting with something else.

            “Fandral, have you been implying something?” I ran a finger along my glass rim before I drank it down.

            “Sweetheart, I think he knows that we know already.” Loki’s voice was quiet, eyes flickering from Fandral to me.

            “Can’t have me corrupting a prince of Asgard and his future wife. I know.” Fandral sat up straight.

            “I think we’re all corrupted,” I muttered, setting my empty glass down. “Destructive. Damaged souls even. Isn’t that why were all still sitting around this table, talking so intimately. We know where we stand. Where our relationship stands now.”

            “So whatever we do here, well, it won’t change anything.” Fandral hummed in response and went on. “Consider this night in my home far apart from our world. Made up of just us, Asgard doesn’t exist within these walls.”

            “So we bring each other comfort. Security.  _Satisfaction_.” Loki’s trained his eyes on mine when I turned. “Walk out of here the next morning.” Once upon a time, Loki was so jealous of Fandral with me. Had this really changed so much over time? I knew he was, deep down. But, something had changed so steadily. His growing trust in me.

            “Whoa, boys…Is this real?” I leaned forward when Loki’s fingers traced idly down my shoulder.

            “If you will it,” Fandral was looking at me. “And Loki. And I. Personally, today, as I am now…there is nothing else I want.”

            “And tomorrow?” I breathed.

            “We touch the soil of Asgard again and go on.” He replied. “Loki.”

            “Fandral.” Loki stated evenly.

            “Have you thought about me this way often, Fandral?” I tilted my head as Loki touched my hair lightly.

            “You ought to know I have in the past. Just as I know you did. But, you never loved me, nor connected with me in the way you did with him. Nor will you. We both know that. I will only do this with you both if it is what you want.”

            “The sun is setting… The way I see it,” Loki began and I met his gaze. “You can either kiss Fandral or get up from the table and we will leave. Never to speak of this again.” My next breath shuddered and I looked at Fandral, not feeling anymore weight on my chest. Only… _curiosity_ , perhaps. Something more even. Slowly, I licked my lips and turned to Loki.

            “I want you…to kiss him.” My voice trembled, just an airy whisper. “I want you to like it. And want it. I want to see belief and trust…and then, I’ll kiss him. And when we do, I want you to still hold onto each and every one of those things.” Without shifting his gaze from me, Loki’s lips upturned before he spoke.

            “Fandral, we mustn’t waste our time.”

            “As the lady commands, then.” Fandral rose and rounded the table. Kneeling down to toss one leg over Loki’s lap, he straddled him and pulled off his own shirt. My breath catching, I watched them, Fandral sliding his hand over Loki’s jaw before he surging their lips together. Loki pressed back more firmly, their mouths opening to exhale against each other before they kissed again. I sat up on my knees to watch Loki’s half-closed eyes slide to me when Fandral closed his briefly.

            “Come here, sweetheart,” Loki’s chest rose and fell more heavily and I shifted closer. “Don’t be afraid.”

            “I am not afraid…” I murmured as Fandral turned to me and smiled like the sun was coming out. Loki’s hand curled around mine on the floor, reassurance filled me. I stared at Fandral’s face. His beautiful and deadly face. The face that saw me at my lowest and still smiled for me. Loki was watching us as I bunched up my skirt with the fist of my free hand. Touching my shoulder, more gently than he’d touched Loki, Fandral put his lips against mine after I gave him a nod. For lack of better words, if felt  _different_. Like Loki, he was curious and filled with desire that was partly for me. I tilted my head against Fandral, feeling the scruff of his facial hair before his lips parted against mine for a sweeter kiss. His finger touched just under my chin when we broke apart and I realized he was guiding me toward Loki’s lips. I kissed Loki harder, my hands sliding to his neck so he nipped at my mouth playfully. They both tasted like the sweet crispness of red wine.

            “Shall we retire to the bedroom?” Fandral smoothed his hands over my shoulders and Loki glanced at me once more.

            “ _Yes_.” I breathed, my cheeks bright pink. We all stood and slowly I took Loki’s hand and then Fandral’s before shifting to go into the bedroom, sparing them both an idle glance before Fandral shut the door behind him. His bed was massive, covered in pillows and furs over dark silken sheets. Loki was kicking off his shoes before we climbed into bed, me between them. For a while, we just kissed and caressed each other through our clothing, taking turns. I didn’t feel like I was in a haze or somewhere else, I was right here between them both. I felt their arousal grow, their desire soar. At one point, Loki shifted to get up so Fandral followed.

            “Oil?” Loki asked while I moved to sit on the side of the bed, my legs draping over it.

            “Here,” Fandral pulled a small bottle from his dresser and set it on the bedside table. I watched them both in the dim light before I chuckled aloud without warning. “You’re not mad with desire yet?”

            “I can’t believe this is happening,” I covered my face and laughed still.

            “She does that,” Loki glanced at Fandral, earning a nod.

            “I just need you both to stand there a moment so I can catch up,” I set my hands out and bit my lip briefly. “We’re doing this? We’re really doing this tonight?”

            “Unless anyone says stop, just as normal,” Loki replied, amused at me.

            “No, keep standing there,” I exhaled and bit back my grin when I looked up at them. “We’re going to pleasure each other. The three of us. In this bed. Me…and Loki…and Fandral. Together. And… _skin_ … After all these years of knowing each other. By the nine, this is happening and I want it too. How did this….?” I rambled on and Fandral turned his gaze from me to Loki as I spoke.

            “Is this normal for her?” Fandral shrugged. “Can’t say I’m surprised. A talker.”

            “It’s become more of the norm the last few years.” Loki nodded, tossing his shirt over a chair. “I find it rather endearing actually so I just let her.”

            “…I just need to remember you both right here in this moment…” I kept going while they talked.

            “It is rather charming.” Fandral decided, shifting to settle his hand under my chin. Ceasing for a moment, I flickered my eyes over both of them and exhaled.

            “I’m fine.” I blinked when Fandral tucked some hair behind my ear.

            “I’ve an idea.” Loki’s smirk was small, eyes flickering with excitement. “Whatever you do to her, I get to do to you.” Fandral’s smile crept slowly over his face.

            “Establishing dominance already, Loki?”

            “Just a  _suggestion_.” The prince shrugged and Fandral dropped to his knees in front of my legs and took my hand.

            “Will you, my sweet lady, take me into your bed and body tonight? To have and to hold, until we’ve satisfied you to your heart’s every wish.” Fandral’s words made me roll my eyes.

            “I do.” I stated as sincerely as I could, looking from him to Loki. Loki’s intense gaze was trained on me, lips parted slightly.

            “You may now kiss my future bride.” Loki was watching me and could practically hear his thoughts.  _Mine_. Fandral touched my collar, hand sliding down before I leaned over to meet him with a long kiss. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his lips against mine, the golden facial hair reminding me that this wasn’t Loki. But, I could still feel Loki in the air around me though he wasn’t touching me yet. He wanted it this way. I opened my eyes to stare at him, as I touched Fandral’s hair and skimmed my fingers over his bare shoulder.

            “Well?” Fandral turned to Loki. “Everything I do to her, you must do to me.”

            “Eager, are we?” Loki kneeled down and grabbed the back of Fandral’s hair, forcing his head back.

            “I knew you were the dominant type.” Fandral chuckled before Loki mashed their lips together, stealing a harsh kiss.

            “I bow only to her,” Loki breathed, eyes flickering to me while he got up on the bed and shifted half behind me. “Your move.” Fandral touched either side of the bed by my legs, fingers barely touching my dress.

            “May I touch you, sweet lady?” He asked, all the charm I knew well.

            “Yes,” I swallowed and Fandral didn’t break our stare as he put his hands up my dress, sliding them over my outer thighs. I felt his fingers briefly trace a scar and he kissed my knee before his fingers traced the sides of my underwear. Shifting up, I allowed him to slide them off so Loki kissed my neck and curled his fingers around the skirts of my dress. Fandral tossed the fabric aside and Loki was lifting my skirts up slowly for him. My chest rose and fell heavily, Loki’s hands grasped under my knees to lift my legs up, parting them open wide like he was presenting me to Fandral. Exposed, I tilted my head back against Loki’s shoulder, one hand grasping to his arm while my other fist pressed against my mouth.

            “ _Perfect_ ,” Fandral breathed, kissing my inner thigh gently as his hands kneaded at my flesh. His thumb traced a line by my folds and I tensed before he spread me open a bit with his fingers.  _By Valhalla, I can’t hold it together._  My face heated up and I pressed my mouth closed. Curses never came to my lips. Not yet. I sighed outwardly, eyes closing when he thumbed my clit finally to watch my reaction. Loki held me tightly, my feet pointing when Fandral’s head shifted between my legs. His beard scratched at my thighs and I gasped when his tongue licked up my entrance and to the tender bud between my lips. Blood raced down my body so he repeated the action a little rougher, hands holding my thighs tightly. Loki kissed my lips, our eyes locked before I moaned against his mouth. I pressed my fist to my lips again and reached back to touch Loki’s neck but he took my hand and pressed it into Fandral’s hair before grasping my leg once more.

            “Enjoy him,” he muttered, nipping at my neck. Fandral licked in a swirling motion, his thumb poised just about my clit to pull the hood back and I was done for, bucking against his mouth.

            “Sensitive girl,” Fandral whispered, his breath so hot against me. “Good.” I grasped at his blond hair, my breathing quickened before he closed his mouth around the heat of me and sucked while still working his tongue. Fandral’s mouth felt different from Loki’s. But, still  _so_  good. I whined and arched against Loki behind me. Fandral’s thumb was moving in concert with his lips, working me and my hand did little to stifle my cries.

            “ _Ah_ …I hate you both,” I stammered out and Fandral paused, finger rubbing against me still.

            “That’s her way of complimenting, I’ve realized.” Loki explained softly, holding me while I writhed.

            “Appropriate.” Fandral licked his wet lips and carried on, flicking his tongue inside me before lazily lapping at my clit again. I squirmed and their hands tightened when Fandral’s motions grew rougher and didn’t relent. My entire body felt hot suddenly and I rolled my hips toward Fandral’s mouth, growing closer to release.

            “Close,” I warned and Loki kissed my jaw.

            “Would you like him to stop?” He asked and I shook my head furiously.

            “ _Ngh-No…”_  I buried my face into Loki’s neck and he chuckled.

            “You heard her.” He stated simply and I could feel Fandral’s amusement. He kept going, speeding his paced to drive me closer. His tongue teased a spot that made me cry out, his thumb rubbing along with his mouth again more roughly. _Fandral. Oh gods._  Fandral was pleasuring me and it felt so  _good_.  They held me tightly when my body bowed and I arched, each muscle tightening uncontrollably. My cries broke and I tugged at Fandral’s hair suddenly as he finished me off, lapping up the arousal around my swollen, tender folds. He kissed my clit intimately and rubbed my thighs briefly before he got up on his knees a bit to press his lips to mine. Tasting what he did to me made it so real.

            “Did you enjoy that?” Fandral tried not to look smug as I got my breath back and Loki released my legs. I could still feel my lower half twitching with post-orgasm bliss.

            “I did… I…” I breathed softly, eyes darting around before I continued. “Thank him for me, Loki…”

            “Getting into this now, are you?” Loki chuckled.

            “I’ve been into this,” I kissed his jaw. “More so than you.”

            “I’d like that remedied right away,” Fandral was removing his pants and I caught sight of his erection, framed by golden curls that trailed upward over his bellybutton and scattered his chest. His body was hairier than Loki’s but it was harder to tell at times with his fair hair.

            “Again, your eager state is simply enchanting.” Loki watched Fandral sit on the bed next to me after he got up. Shifting behind Fandral, I touched his shoulders and stared at Loki’s vivid green eyes.

            “I’m waiting, my prince,” Fandral tilted his head. “Impress me if you can.”

            “Before you make any more comments,” Loki shifted between Fandral’s legs. “Remember who holds your pleasure in his hands.”

            “I’d rather like it in your mouth- _oh_!” Fandral was caught off guard by a wave of pleasure when Loki closed his mouth around the tip of his cock.

            “He does that,” I murmured in Fandral’s ear.

            “He’s also… _ugh_ …definitely done this before…” Fandral moaned out, the sound low and I watched his face contort with sheer pleasure for what felt like the first time. It almost intrigued me. Loki swallowed him down easily then came up to run his tongue along the small slit that leaked with his arousal. I watched Loki pleasure my friend, my hands sliding over Fandral’s shoulders as he clutched at the bed. Oddly enough, I thought I should take notes. Curiously, I took Fandral’s hand and set it into Loki’s hair. He looked up, lips around Fandral’s girth and our eyes met. I swiped some black hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear, earning a hum in response that vibrated around Fandral’s cock.

            “Every time we have sex, I always think,  _wow_ , this must be the most erotic thing we’ve done,” I sighed in Fandral’s ear as he bucked his hips messily. “I think this wins.”

            “Good to hear, my l- _ahh_!” Fandral’s chest heaved with his next breath, the sound turning to a groan. “Easy, Loki…I… _Oh_ … This won’t take much longer…”

            “Fandral,” Loki came up, using his hand to stroke the man fluidly. “I thought you had more mettle than that. Don’t pull my hair out, she enjoys it like this.” Fandral gasped lightly in response, fingers loosening on Loki’s hair. “You’d better be able to hold yourself together for the next part of our evening.” The prince continued with his mouth, sucking and bobbing his head at a quicker pace. I watched him, fascinated as Fandral’s back curved.

            “ _Ohhh_ , your prince might ruin…me for other men…and women…” Fandral cursed out and I laughed to myself.

            “A hobby of mine.” Loki whispered and I pushed his head down gently.

            “Enough teasing him,” I chided lightly.

            “Forceful,” Fandral’s chuckle caught before his head fell back to my neck. “I like that.”

            “I have my moments,” I kissed Fandral only when he offered me his lips.

            “May…I.. _.ah._..come in your beloved’s mouth?” Fandral asked, a smile ghosting across his lips.  _What a gentleman,_ I gave him an entertained look.

            “Yes…” I watched Fandral’s eyes while his mouth dropped open.

            “ _Oh, hell_ ,” he bucked hard and went rigid against me as Loki went still, release spilling onto his tongue. After a moment of me watching them, Fandral’s cock fell from Loki’s mouth in a way that looked obscene. The prince stood and pushed me backwards against the bed, pressing his lips to mine until I tasted Fandral’s release on my tongue.

            “This is happening,” I reminded myself, breathless, and Loki scoffed, getting off the bed.

            “You see,” he gestured to me. “Never ends.”

            “It is endearing,” Fandral agreed instead. “You know, you both aren’t quite in the same state of undress as I.”

            “Loki,” I got up onto my knees so he stepped closer to the bed. Taking my face, Loki caused his affections to flood my body as he leaned down to kiss me. Shifting, I took his hips and pressed my lips to his stomach, the muscles twitching under it as he cupped the back of my head.

            “Always so full of good ideas,” Fandral grinned when I beckoned him over. I sunk my teeth into Loki’s skin lightly, going for the laces of his pants as Fandral kissed his hip.

            “ _Oh_ , I love you,” Loki breathed, head tilting back and Fandral grinned to retort. “Not you,” he put his hand over Fandral’s lips and I snickered, pulling Loki’s pants downward until he stepped out of them.

            “He’s more affectionate than he lets on,” Fandral whispered in my ear, kissing just under my jaw before he resumed mapping out Loki’s skin. Taking Loki’s cock between my lips, I closed my eyes briefly and pleasured him. My tongue eased down the underside of his taut erection until I swirled it around his tip. “I watched you in the public bathhouse once.” Fandral began so I continued and Loki laughed gently.

            “Good to…know you spend time peering at the other men and women.” Loki began to breathe heavily against me.

            “I’d never seen skin this flawless.”

            “Fortunately, I enjoy _…oh…_ my baths in the privacy of my…own chambers these days.” Loki was tangling his fingers into my hair and I let him slip from my lips.

            “I never went to those. Too shy. But, I heard many…stories,” I traced my thumb along Loki’s tip, smearing the pre-cum down his shaft.

            “If you’ll permit me, I’d like to undress you now.” Fandral moved behind me when I nodded, unlacing the back of my dress. Loki tightened his hold on my hair and I parted my lips for him again. Fandral pulled my sleeves down, my bra straps following as he exposed my breasts. Loki abruptly stopped and I shifted backwards when he tugged my dress down over my body. Fandral’s hands rubbed against my arms before he slid around to cup my breasts in his hands. “You are quite beautiful, my sweet lady.” His tone was so sincere while Loki crawled on the bed with us. They caressed my skin in the shadowy room and Fandral’s words resonated with my heart. We weren’t just lovers and friends but three very flawed people taking the time to explore and cherish each other without judgment or fear. And after we walked away from this, we would still always have that when life resumed outside these walls.

            “Show me how you pleasure her,” Fandral requested then so Loki placed me against the bed, my heart fluttered with nerves. One of my hands fell by my head and I pressed the back of my opposite one to my lips, eyes flickering between them. Loki watched me a moment, fingers dancing over my thigh before he parted his lips to let out a silent sigh. Without a word, he took my knees and spread them then shifted closer so my bottom touched his thighs.

            “It should be of no surprise that I enjoy teasing in the beginning.” Loki began, hands caressing down my breasts and over my thighs. He positioned my knees higher to leave me ready and exposed to both of them. Fandral observed from the side. Loki settled his cock against my entrance, rubbing himself between my swollen folds. “I think she quite enjoys it.” My head fell back instantly and he continued, the head nudging my tender clit with each movement. Muffling my moan when he sped up, I felt him pause and settle his hands on my thighs. “Though, she has this  _entrancing_  little habit of making attempts to silence her pleas and moans. I find it best to either pull her hand away,” Loki positioned himself and pushed inside me suddenly, causing me to gasp out finally, “or simply pleasure her harder…”

            “Arousal is…bewitching on you,” Fandral exhaled, hand wrapped around his cock and moving to pump himself back to hardness fully. Loki was already moving inside me at a leisure pace, causing me to wiggle my hips to elicit a moan from him. “Not the type to go straight to the rough pace, I see,” Fandral was behind Loki, pressing their bodies together when Fandral took his hips. Merely, rubbing himself against Loki’s backside, Fandral moved with him and got a feel for his pace.

            “I should  _ah-_ also warn you that she scratches.”

            “ _Good_.” Came the response. I was lost.  Lips pressed to Loki’s neck and I gasped for air at the sight of them. Fandral’s hands ran the length of the prince’s body before he touched me, fingers ghosting over where my body met Loki’s. My heartbeats accelerated as I listened to them breathe, heavy and quick at the same time.

            “ _Ahhh_ ,” I grabbed for the blankets, back curving when Loki slowed to pull out. He leaned over, taking my face in his hands to smooth his thumbs over my cheeks before kissing me deeply. Oh, they both desired me so much, it lifted my heart and caused my arousal to further bloom. 

            “Now you,” Loki’s chest heaved while he guided Fandral between my legs. I felt so messy and warm and perfect. Fandral smiled at me and I smiled in return. “There…just like that.”

            “Alright, my lady?” Blue eyes grew heavy with lust and I bit my lip.

            “Yes.” I touched his chest, trailing a line downward over his skin. Fandral positioned himself, leaning over to kiss one of my cheeks and then the other. Our lips met and he thrust inside me, filling me and drinking my moan in before he sat up.

            “I enjoy tasting that first wave of pleasure I give,” he looked up at Loki, their eyes locked when he pulled out and bucked back inside me. He repeated the motion, still watching Loki and I found myself gazing between both of them. Fandral let his head tumble back with a honeyed moan as he took my thighs to find a pace. I reached out for Loki’s hand, lacing our fingers while Fandral moved above me.

            “What he…does to me…you do to him…” I requested and Fandral chuckled through his gasps, eyes now on me.

            “She’s very…right, my  _prince_.” He began thrusting into me a little roughly, causing me to arch from the bed. His hips drove into mine at a hard pace and each time he buried himself to the hilt, I felt this slight shift of his hips from side to side. It caused my speech to instead slip into whines. Loki smirked and retrieved the oil, dripping a good amount into his hand before he began to stroke himself as he watched us, eyes trained on me.

            “I’ll need you to be still for a moment,” Loki pushed Fandral’s back down with one hand. Abruptly, he shoved all the way inside me and pressed his body against mine. I cried out softly, putting my arms around Fandral’s shoulders. He buried his face into my neck. Reaching back for Loki, I watched him kiss my hand before sliding his slicked fingers between Fandral’s legs. Fandral gasped into my neck, our hips mashing together caused me to moan out softly. Loki took his time, torturing us as he prepared Fandral and in turn pleasured me while the subtle movements simulated my body.

            “ _Please_ ,” I found my voice and Loki chuckled.

            “Even she wants me to have you.”

            “We’ll all be… _ah…_ too old to finish if you don’t hurry.. _.mmmf!”_  Fandral clutched the sheets by my head when Loki thrust in and instantly began moving. I felt their slick bodies move against mine and knew nothing but pleasure. White hot fire crackled and I let myself burn. My heart soared, body begging for more as I tried to move back against them. I wanted to laugh and cry out for sheer joy, but my chest heaved to take in air instead. Loki was pounding into Fandral already when I held onto him, controlling most of the pace. I pressed my lips messily against Fandral’s, earning a moan before he attacked my neck and Loki bent over to taste me after. His tongue flicked against my mouth and then ran the length of Fandral’s neck. We held each other closer, sweating and shamelessly moaning and writhing with pure heat. I’d remember the way Fandral’s breath hitched and Loki’s low baritone moan forever after this.

            “We make her come…first…and  _oh_ ,” Loki cursed, “then…I’ll come in you…” Their desire and affection consumed me until tears slipped out the corner of my eyes.

            “It would… _ah_ …be my pleasure.” Fandral kissed my breasts, his hips working into mine and I cried out. He whispered  _obscene_  things so softly into my ear before I gave a breathless plea.

            “ _Harder!”_  I heaved.  _“So…close…”_ Hands slid over skin, hips bucked and begged for more, hearts beat wildly against each other, and my fingernails burned lines into Fandral’s back. I caught Loki’s gaze over Fandral’s shoulder and watched him moan lowly, green eyes hazed with ecstasy that matched Fandral and I. I soared to my peak, whining out as I held Loki’s gaze until I my eyes squeezed shut when everything came undone and I climaxed roughly around Fandral’s wanting cock. My scream never made it out, the sound breaking over as everything seized up and relaxed continuously until I could no longer take it. Fandral, pushed all the way over the edge, came with a hard shudder inside me and triggered Loki’s release. I barely felt their mixed weight press me down for a long moment before Loki closed his eyes and shifted up.

            “Do not crush my poor fiancé,” he eased Fandral off of me until he collapsed to his side with his legs draped over mine. Puffing for air, Fandral got up as Loki took my face, my expression blank.

            “Did we shock her?” Fandral whispered as I lay there limply and Loki kissed my barely responsive lips.

            “She’ll find her way back to us momentarily.” Loki caressed my cheeks, his emotions brought me back and I blinked finally. “There’s my clever girl.”

            “That…happened…” I breathed silently and they both chuckled so Loki took me up in his arms.

            “Help me get her under the covers. She needs the warmth, it’ll relax her.” They both shifted the many covers back and I sunk into the middle of the bed. Static electrified me against the sheets.

            “ _Stay_ …” I inhaled and the two men paused but got into the bed on either side of me. Staring at the ceiling as Fandral dimmed the lamp, I spoke again in the same soft tone. “Kiss each other goodnight.” Loki, on my right, leaned over when Fandral did and they pressed their lips together for a few moments, hands sinking into hair. “Kiss me goodnight…” Fandral, his facial hair rubbing against my flesh, kissed my lips and lingered for a smaller one right after. Loki ran the back of his fingers across my cheek and trailed his thumb over my bottom lip before kissing me affectionately. Nude and exhausted, our bodies huddled together and entwined comfortably; both of them faced inward toward me and many arms tangled to hold onto each other. I slipped one hand in Fandral’s and laced my other with Loki’s as I stayed on my back and closed my eyes. “Sweet dreams, boys.”

            It was the best sleep we’d all had in decades.

** ** **

            The bed shifted and before I opened my eyes, the smell of hot food invaded my senses. Loki, still curled into my side, hummed ruefully and burrowed his face into my hair when I opened my eyes to see Fandral smiling with a tray. Not even bothering to dress, the naked warrior sat down and put the blankets back over his lap before setting the filled tray down.

            “Morning,” I rubbed my eyes, glancing at the sun streaming in through the closed curtains. “Did you make us all breakfast…?”

            “Yes, and remember this because I’ve never done it for anyone else I’ve fallen into bed with. Usually I'll buy elsewhere, my cooking skills are...well.” Fandral’s smile was small and I shifted but Loki’s arm held me in place. “I figured hot cakes and fruit would suffice.”

            “How  _domestic_  of you.” Loki’s tired voice muffled into my hair before he inhaled sharply and sat up. Fandral choked on his food laughing at Loki’s messy hair and I guessed mine looked worse. Sitting up against the headboard I smoothed my tangled curls down when they spilled over my shoulders.

            “You look divine,” Fandral spoke, “he does not.” Loki’s head snapped in Fandral’s direction as I pulled a sheet around my breasts.

            “I can  _still_  curse you.”

            “Food,” I whined, and Fandral set the tray on my lap so they could both reach while I was in the middle. “No fighting. How long did we sleep for?”

            “About fourteen or so hours.” Fandral shrugged and I rubbed my forehead. “Still have time before we’ve to meet the others. I suggest a bath.”

            “Seconded.” Loki mused quietly, his black hair ratted up in different places.

            “Are your perceptions of us vastly different?” Fandral sat back as Loki began eating next to me.

            “You both still look like fools to me.” I smiled sweetly at their matching expressions. “This is delicious.”

            “Miss my cooking, do you?”

            “You burnt a third of these.” Loki cut in and I pushed at his shoulder.

            “It’s the thought that counts.” Fandral voiced stubbornly.

            “ _By the nine_ , I can’t believe last night happened,” I bashfully hid my face in my hands.

            “ _Still?_ ” Fandral quirked up an eyebrow.

            “She can go on for longer,” Loki shrugged.

            “I will  _not_.”

** ** **

            Sitting in the bathtub across from Fandral and Loki, I eyed them in complete silence before my thoughts burst forth.

            “Last night  _really_  happened,” my head fell back against the side as warm water and bubbles shifted around me.

            “That didn’t take long.” Loki smoothed his hair down.

            “I know, I just keep looking at you both and it becomes so real again,” I laughed aloud and covered my face. “The three of us had sex last time. Wonderful, shameless sex. I just never thought…” I giggled once more and shook my head.

            “She’s going to be like this for days, good luck with that, my friend.” Fandral leaned back against the edge, propping his arms up.

            “I’m sure I will.”

            “What we did was bad. Not bad,  _bad_. But, it was bad.” I rubbed my face. “We’re bad.”

            “Yes, we are.” Loki smirked wide and my eyes rolled back.

            “So, what I’m getting is that she thinks….we’re bad.” Fandral glanced at Loki and he nodded.

            “Possibly, but I think she’s being too  _vague_.”

            “Oh, shut it, both of you.” I licked my lips and glanced away. “We still friends?”

            “Till the very end.” Fandral’s lips upturned. “Now we’re simply friends who know how the other sounds in the throes of passion.”

            “I can live with that.” I exhaled. “What happened here doesn’t leave this house.”

            “What if I’m feeling particularly-”

            “No,” both Loki and I cut over Fandral.

            “People finally think that we’ve never been together and I’m going to keep them like that.” I fiddled with my wet hair.

            “Out of shame?” Fandral joked lightly.

            “No,” I grinned. “I just like being right.”

** ** **

            “It would have never worked out between us, my little darlings,” Fandral leaned against his doorway. “You’re getting married. I prefer the free life. It’s not either of you, it’s me.”

            “You’re too much,” I crossed my arms, planting a kiss on Fandral’s cheek. I stepped down from his porch and put my hands out as I faced him. “It’s official.”

            “Our torrid love affair ends.” Fandral sighed, glancing at Loki. “We had some good times.”

            “You’re not the worst I’ve ever been with.” Loki shrugged, arm sliding around my waist.

            “Don’t go stroking my ego that hard,” Fandral touched his chest and glanced at me. “Well, my lady, I’ve finally had you. Was it all you dreamed it’d be?”

            “Watch yourself.” Loki tilted his head.

            “Oh, Fandral,” I stepped forward again and took his hand, tugging him closer so I could whisper in his ear. “No, darling,  _I had you_.” Smiling, I backed up and a grin inched across his face.

            “That you did.” He waved and we backed up to go. “Oh, I hope this counts as your Name Day present from me.”

            “What?” I paused and realized. “I…forgot…”

            “You forgot that your Name Day is in two weeks?” Fandral chuckled smugly. “I must have really been that good.”

            “Why didn’t you remind me?” I turned to Loki, advancing.

            “I’ve had your gifts planned for months, why would I?” His smirked was infuriating.

            “Well, I guess that’s happening in two weeks then. Behave, Fandral.” I huffed and Loki put his arm around me to lead me off, saying goodbye as we left.

            “Fandral.”

            “ _Prince_  Loki.”

** ** **

            The next wonderful day was Volstagg’s idea. We didn’t question why but he suggested we invite his many children and all the other little ones to visit the warriors for a day of leisure. The sun was bright as Volstagg and a few others ushered children out for activities. Asta helped her baby son walk across the grass with her husband after I waved at her. Frigga led out out barn animals including rabbits, goats, and lambs that roamed around the grounds. The Queen also brought out a few ponies to conduct rides for the older children. I smiled between Thor and Volstagg while we sat in the grass, children crawling on Volstagg when he readied to tell them all a story as he loved to do. A few gathered around Thor to pet the baby goat in his large arms as he let two little girls braid flowers into his hair.

            “How do I look?” He turned his eyes to me and I smoothed out my red dress, holding still so an older girl could braid my hair with flowers as well.

            “You’d give Fandral over there a run for his gold,” I pointed to our friend across the way who gave a flower to a shy little girl.

            “Future King needs to look his best.” Thor straightened up, scratching the goat’s back and getting a sound of happiness. “Any one of you who can pick up Mjolnir, I’ll let you rule Asgard!” He boomed as five boys and girls all tried at once to pick it up with no avail.

            “You shouldn’t tease them like that,” Frigga passed, holding a rope connected to a pony a little boy was on.

            “It’s a fair bet, Mother,” Thor shrugged and she went off. “Look at them. Future healers and warriors.”

            “And engineers,” Volstagg added, before he continued with his story.

            “Or sorcerers.” I shrugged and thanked the little girl as she finished, complimenting her work before she helped the girls with Thor’s hair. “Speaking of which, our favorite sorcerer is currently hiding under the shadow of that tree. I should really go bring him into the sun a bit.”

            “That might be just what he needs.” Thor agreed. “We could always have his hair done next.”

            “I’m sure he’d  _adore_  that.” I chuckled and stood, waving at Volstagg while I walked across the grass. Fandral winked at me as he’d started to do now to no end and I rolled my eyes. Sif was teaching swordplay with wooden sticks on the main part of the grounds and Hogun had retired to Vanaheim for a few days. A small grey bunny hopped closer to Loki and he turned from his book to eye it. Looking around to see if anyone noticed him, Loki hissed at the animal and smirked when it jumped out of its skin and scrambled so I kneeled down to catch it. “That was not polite, poor thing.” I touched its soft fur, enjoying the fact that I was out of my gloves.

            “Just a touch of fun, isn’t that what today is about?” Loki watched me join him in the shade of a large tree, slightly away from the noise.

            “Has Fandral been winking continuously at you too?” I asked instead and Loki exhaled through his nose.

            “Yes, I’m considering plucking out his eyes and presenting them to you as a wedding gift.” Loki stated nonchalantly and I sat back, holding the rabbit to me so it relaxed.

            “I like his eyes where they are, I think.” I shook my head when amusement reached my face. “He’s going to do that for a while.”

            “I hope he enjoys his eyes leaving his skull if that is the case.” Loki shrugged and I held up the bunny to him.

            “Make amends.”

            “I’ll put your corpse in fresh stew,” Loki glanced down at it and gave its head a pat. “I’m sure you’d love that. And then I’ll serve you to my brother, yes, I will.”

            “Okay, I’ll take that back.” I cuddled the small animal and beamed when three children, two girls and a smaller boy paced over.

            “Are you going to read to us, Prince Loki?” One girl asked.

            “Prince Thor said you would.” The other added and a few more children paced over.

            “Did he?” Loki shot Thor’s grinning face a glare across the way. “This is a spell book. You’ll be bored.”

            “Magic?” One grew excited.

            “Can you show us?”

            “Please, Prince Loki?”

            “ _Please_?!”

            “Loki, I don’t think you can refuse those sweet faces,” I touched his shoulder and he growled silently in this throat. They all grouped up in front of him before he could even answer and Loki scoffed, setting the book in my lap.

            “Must keep the people happy,” he mused quietly. “My mother used to do this trick when I was a boy.” They all watched him with large eyes and Loki cleared his throat as I smiled at him. He cupped his hands and they glowed with wisps of green and yellow light before a large butterfly took shape. It flapped its vibrant wings and moved like the shade I could once create. Fluttering around the children, they all took turns trying to catch it, laughing as they did. Loki’s lip quirked up and it turned into a bird, leaving trails of light while it flew around them. Many got up to chase it around before it ascended and burst into a ball of sparks that showered down in many colors. Children clapped and laughed and Loki looked over at me with a genuine smile that faded before he straightened up. “Happy?” He cleared his throat and they nodded, I stifled a giggle. “Now I’m sure my brother  _promised_  to give each and every one of you a horse ride on his back.” Excited, most of the children jumped up to chase after the elder prince and Loki sat back when one remained. A little girl with black hair done into two braids. She stared and Loki tilted his head. “Which one of Volstagg’s children are you?”

            “I’m not one of his children, your highness,” she blinked. “I wanted to see more.”

            “What’s your name?” I asked her.

            “I’m too shy, future princess.” The nickname made my heart melt.

            “ _Too shy?_  What parent gives a child that name?” Loki raised his brow and I shot him a look but the little girl laughed.

            “Leah.” She giggled. “Can you read to me?”

            “You want me to read you a spell book?” Loki mused and she nodded with a toothy grin. I could barely contain my excitement at this. “…Very well?” He raised his book but Leah stood and got under his arm to make herself comfortable on one of his legs. Loki looked to me helplessly but I kissed his cheek and stood.

            “Enjoy your story.” I paced off, scratching the rabbit’s ears idly as they spoke behind me.

            “I like those pictures.”

            “I suppose that they are quite nice.” Loki muttered before he found a spot to begin. Out of earshot, I watched Volstagg and Thor race around with two happy children on their backs and Fandral nudged at my arm.

            “Loki would like you to know that he’s going to take your eyeballs if you keep winking at us.” I chuckled, skimming my hands across the grey fur ball in my arms and Fandral laughed.

            “I haven’t seen someone so less willing to admit he’s having a good time. But, Loki sets the bar I think.”

            “Loki aside, how have you been?”

            “Well, I think. Back to my dashing self, thank you.” Fandral glanced down and nodded before he met my gaze. “And yourself?” I took in the scene around me.

            “Never better.”

            “Good, because, the gifts you receive this year will put ruin to the last.” He grinned wide and I let out my breath.

            “I guess I’ve no choice but to look forward to that.”

** ** **

            My Name Day started with Loki jostling me awake hours before the sun was to rise.

            “ _Hmmff_!” I rolled over and he pulled the blankets from me. “No.”

            “You have to get up and get ready for today now. Your first surprise is upon us.” Loki was dropping something on the bed. “Your first gift is this dress. No need to thank me. Bathe and dress for the day.”

            “ _Ugh_ , Loki, why?” Groggily, I rubbed my eyes as he lit the lamps in my room. “When did you get up?”

            “Two hours ago,” he looked extremely handsome and not at all tired, all dressed for the day while I smoothed my matted hair down. I glanced down at the regal grey dress with vivid red detailing and jewels before I jumped to attention.

            “This dress is-!”

            “Divine, I know,” Loki was ushering me to the bathroom. “You’ll look ravishing in it. Bathe, put it on, paint your eyes or lips, whatever you wish. Just get in there.”

            “Wha-?”

            “Oh,” Loki stopped and turned me around in the bathroom doorway. He kissed my cheek sweetly and grinned. “Happy Name Day, sweetheart.” With that, he shut the door and left me in a confused daze.

            “Damn you, Loki!” I called and stumbled to get ready. Within the next hour, I’d finished up and Loki entered my room again as I crossed my arms.

            “You’ll drop that look when your day begins.” He tilted his head and produced a blindfold, I about pouted with red lips. “None of that.”

            “Fine, whisk me away,” I closed my eyes so he blindfolded me.

            “Much better.” Loki took my gloved hand and carefully led me out, the sun still had not even risen. I followed him in the darkness of the blindfold, tightly gripping his hand as we walked. Truth be told, I had no idea where we were going. “Almost.” I heard two doors open and he led me in. “Stand there for a moment.” The sounds of Loki’s footprints and curtains surrounded me then suddenly I heard water rushing and soft music playing. “Just a bit longer, the sun is about to rise.” He led me further into the large room and our footsteps echoed. “Here.”

            “Where are we?”

            “When I take this off, turn your gaze upward.” He spoke instead and I grew excited, nodding. Loki shifted behind me and tugged the fabric away; when I looked up, all I could do was gasp out. High above me was the most beautiful and massive crystalline chandelier I’d ever seen. The sun was steadily rising higher and the light finally made contact with it, bathing the room in an angelic glow as if it sparkled. For a moment, as I stared up, I thought I’d entered the very doors of Valhalla.

            “Where…?” I looked around the room. “Is this…the forbidden galleries?” I put my hands to my lips and Loki nodded, looking much too proud. “Oh my…” I paced around him. “I’d heard stories of this place… deep within a secret part of the palace.” It was the size of a huge ballroom and filled with marble statues, paintings along the wall, and a giant carved water fountain. The entire room glowed around me and I realized why Loki wanted to bring me here just before the sun hit it.

            “How did you…?” I was in awe, already observing the art around me while Loki followed after.

            “Discussed it with my mother. Feel free to look around but, we’ve breakfast waiting on the balcony. After, you may look until your heart’s content.” Loki took my hand but, I tugged him over to two large portraits side by side and he shook his head. One was Thor, sporting furs over his regal armor and holding Mjolnir while the other was of Loki, looking like a scholar, with a large book and wearing his own regal armor. “Posing for these was a task.”

            “Look at you, so handsome. I assume a lot of your family’s history is here.”

            “Oh, yes, our parent’s marriage portrait is around. We’ve many family portraits but, getting Thor and I to pose for those was quite difficult growing up.”

            “I imagine.”

            “That chandelier was Odin’s gift to Frigga on their wedding night,” Loki pointed and I nodded. “The most beautiful one in all of Asgard. When we marry, our wedding portrait will hang in here as well and the gift I give you will take your breath away as this chandelier still does.” Loki kissed my knuckles and I bashfully looked at the blank space on the wall, trying to imagine a portrait of us as husband and wife. “Our children will have their portraits done and we will live on through this very room like generations before us.” I watched Loki and smiled widely at him, taking both his hands in mine.

            “Thank you, Loki. This is beautiful.”

            “Your day is just beginning, you should know that this isn’t it.” Loki gestured. “Shall we?” Beaming, I took his arm and followed him out to the balcony.

** ** **

            “A toast!” Fandral lifted his mug, my close friends across Asgard gathered in our favorite room with the fire pit. “To our lady of the hour.” Mug’s smacked together and I laughed, covering my face when applause sounded. Moira lifted her glass at me across the way and I smiled in return. She clasped hands with Faleen next to her. Music underscored the conversations around me and Fandral tugged me from my seat. “Thor, I think it’s time for her gift.”

            “Loki hasn’t returned yet.” I commented, glancing at the door.

            “He’s still working on some other gift. I don’t even know what it is.” Fandral led me over to the table when Thor brought in a long case and set it down. Hogun, Volstagg, and Sif gathered behind me while everyone else enjoyed the festivities around us. Thor’s grin brightened when I opened the case and put my hand over my heart.

            “We all had this made specially for you.” Thor took a long drink and nodded when I looked up from the new bow sitting in the box. “Never will there be a better bow than this.” It was pure ebony in color with intricate carvings I’d never seen on any other weapon. I picked it up and it sang in my hands, feeling perfect as my fingers wrapped around it. “I’ll be less likely to break this one as well.” Sif produced a quiver filled with arrows from behind her back and I hugged her without warning, going around and thanking them all.

            “Thank you, it’s beautiful.” I hugged Thor tightly and he hesitated but put his arms around me to squeeze.

            “We expect you to be using that on the training grounds next time. Give us all a show.” Fandral swung his arm over my shoulder as I set it down and sniffled. “Why are you sad?”

            “I’m just happy… I love you all.” I muttered and embraced him for a moment, pulling myself together so the others didn’t see.

            “I’m glad you’re having a good time,” Frigga’s kind voice interrupted our group, I didn’t realize it had gotten quieter. People paused to bow to her. “Seeing as you received your bow, I’ve something for you to go with it. May I borrow her for a while?”

            “See you all in a moment. Tell Loki where I am if he comes back,” I bit my lip and waved, following Frigga out.

            “Did your mother come to see you?” She asked and my voice caught.

            “She sent me a kind letter from her new village.” I clasped my hands. “Met a new man. I...hope she’s happy there.” Frigga took my hand and led me off.

            “You’ve grown into your own as a warrior.” The Queen began idly. She brought me into another room, something covered in a sheet on the table.

            “You think so?”

            “Oh yes, finding that balance you need.” She smiled, taking my arms. “You see, some warriors are all about their speed while others rely solely on strength.”

            “I’m not very fast, but I’m rather strong. Truthfully, I shouldn’t be using a bow. I should be focusing on my sword again. But, we're adept in most weapons luckily.” In truth, since Nerien I didn't want to get close to others in battle at all because of my new abilities.

            “Often time, things change depending on what fate has given us. Some of us have to adjust many times but that is not all bad. It makes us adaptable. Which you are.” She raised one of my gloved hands. “How has this become for you these days?”

            “Oh, a lot better. I’m feeling more but it isn’t effecting me as much in simple touches. Sometimes when I touch a person’s head…it’s so vivid. I’m trying to be careful mostly now. Loki says that my magic has even improved. I have a long way to go and I don't want to...lose control. But, today, I feel good.”

            “Wonderful,” Frigga grinned, brow furrowing. “You are strong and grounded, yes. But, have you really not noticed the change in your speed since working with Loki? Even before, you’re known for being rather light on your feet.”

            “I’ve always had to be,” I replied and she nodded, understanding.

            “With that also, comes stealth. You’ve grown so much, both in speed and strength. Your movements in battle are fluid. Not quite like air but not quite like earth. You flow within the curves and harsh edges, like water. Or fire if you so wish. Fire is the sharper of the two. Water will flow despite its obstacles. It might even wash them away and if it can, it will fill the void it’s trapped in until it bursts free. Fire burns without limit as well. Destroys then creates in turn.”

            “Water and I have a complicated relationship,” I mused and Frigga’s lip tugged upward in a way that reminded me of Loki.

            “You’re a complicated being, dear. But, that is the source of your strength and speed. You have all these elements whirling around your heart. You're not one or the other. You're all. You need to embrace the magnitude of you.” She turned and her words tangled around my heart in the same way Nerien’s once did.  _Frigga knew all. Didn’t she? But she could never reveal that._  “Seeing as you rather enjoy being an archer and tapping into your stealth side right now. I’ve this.” She removed the sheet and I looked upon the blackest armor I’d ever seen. “It shall help you tap into all sides of you.” It looked like it was forged of midnight itself and bathed in oblivion. The many lightweight pieces were complex and reminded me of a dragon’s scales or a bird’s feathers as they allowed the wearer to be protected but move well. The gauntlets were fingerless, obviously built for an archer or someone about to take or give pain to another through touch. The helmet was more of a hood and face covering, attached to a cloak that was all removable. The tasset hung in the same scale like manner over the leg pieces. Carefully, I stared at the armor that was every bit built for me.

            “Why did you do this?”

            “Making up for past Name Day gifts. All warriors need their armor. You already have yours on, even now. You wear it every single day, now we’re merely toughening the skin.” Frigga smiled and tucked some hair behind my ear. “I think you’ll find it quite helpful in the future.”

            “It’s perfect.” I offered softly and she was somber. I would not ask what she knew that I did not.

            “I know it is, dear. “

** ** **

            “Loki?” I knocked on his room after delivering my new armor to mine, slipping off my gloves and taking a breath. Frigga had this knowing glint in her eyes. I’ve seen it before but, I never knew what it meant. “You haven’t come back to the party yet so…” I heard him curse and cough suddenly before smoke crept under the door. Instantly, I went in as Loki hid something behind his back and waved his hand over a smoking empty cauldron.

            “You-”

            “What…are you doing?” I began. "Are you okay?"

            “Enjoying your party?” His smile gave nothing away.

            “ _Loki_.” I crossed my arms and he chuckled.

            “ _Sweetheart_ , I’m merely perfecting your gift. I will say that…” he stepped back when I stepped closer. “Well, you’ll be getting this one later.” Holding his hand behind his back still, Loki put one finger up to me. “Back up, this is hot.”

            “It’s only warm…and empty,” I touched the cauldron and peered inside. Something squeaked and Loki coughed to cover it up. “What was that?”

            “What? The smoke is making me-”

            “What are you hiding behind your back?” I tried to round him but he spun, not allowing it.

            “Nothing. Just something…I should really get rid of elsewhere.”

            “If you’re getting rid of it....then let me see it,” I grinned at him and something squeaked again. “Loki, just let me see it.”

            “It is noth- _ow_!” Loki brought his hand in front of him and my jaw dropped. “You overgrown rat!” A tiny, bald kitten sitting in his hand, with nothing but peach fuzz for fur was biting into his finger. Its skin was pale pink with a single dark spot over one ear. I looked at that wrinkled form and its big, pointed ears and fell completely in love instantly. “I was attempting to create a fiercer beast; a mighty cat that I was going to give you on our wedding day but, since we’ve been forced to put it off… I thought I’d surprise you today. But I ended up with this little runt bat without wings. Apparently, when it comes to animals, all I create are abominations.”

            “If…” I kept my eyes trained on the kitten as it squeaked once more in his hand, blinking large hazel eyes like distant pools to show the universe. “If you’re also referring to Sleipnir. He was merely a surprise. You saved him with magic and gave him a safe birth.”

            “He came out with  _eight_  legs.  _Eight_.”

            “Everyone loves him,” I tried and Loki didn’t look too amused so I shifted closer. “I’m going to need you to hand me that cat.”

            “Oh, no,” he put his free hand up to me again. “You are not keeping her.”

            “Surrender the cat, Odinson.” I had my hands out, drawing a bit closer as the kitten resumed chewing on Loki’s finger but he wasn’t letting down.

            “This little runt-”

            “Don’t talk about sweet Naaki that way, she’s perfect. I want to keep her.” I tilted my head, beaming bright. “This is going to end with you handing over that cat.”

            “You’ve already named her?” Loki shook his head. “In the two seconds since we’ve begun this conversation?”

            “Yes.”

            “Once you name something, you get attached to it and you are not getting attached to this bald beast.” Loki refused me and I stepped even closer as we circled each other.

            “Too late. It’s done. You’re now stuck with me and that sweet thing. Loki, just hand over my lovely Name Day gift and-”

            “ _Fine_.” He set her in my hands and I was so head over heels in love.

            “I’m keeping her,” I tried not to squeal in delight while I touch the soft texture of her peach fuzz covered body. She meowed a tiny sound at me and I smiled somewhat wild at Loki.

            “You’re going to keep her  _where_? In your  _room_? Where I’ll have to see it?” Loki raised an eyebrow at me. “No, this is not happening.”

            “You’re going to fall so in love with her too. Just wait.” I kissed his cheek and he sagged.

            “I create abominations.” He spoke flatly.

            “ _Surprises_.” I corrected sweetly. “And I let you in my room, she can’t be much worse.” Loki’s gaze snapped to me and I kissed him again when someone knocked at the door.

            “Lovebirds, I was wondering where you left off to,” Fandral swaggered in and I rolled my eyes, holding Naaki’s tiny, warm body close. Fandral caught sight of the kitten and stared for a moment. Loki and I both grew quiet while he observed her.

            “Who ripped the wings off this bat?” Fandral laughed finally. “I thought you were holding a brain at first.” He chuckled louder. “While I’m glad you both are taking time off to stroke this  _pussy_ , but I believe you’re wanted at your own party.” Fandral was too vulgar for his own good.

            “What part of you would you prefer I cut off first, Fandral?” Loki stepped forward but I put my arm out.

            “Her name is Naaki. She isn’t a bat, a brain, or an abomination. She is perfect.”

            “ _Debatable_.” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose.

            “Wait, was this the gift?” Fandral covered his mouth to hide his enjoyment.

            “ _This_  was an accident and now she’s in love with it.” Loki about groaned.

            “ _Surprise_ ,” I ignored them both and rubbed under Naaki’s chin. Her large eyes blinked at me and my heart swelled. “And she’s coming back with us as well while we enjoy the end of this party.”

            “No.” Loki shook his head and Fandral wasn’t even trying to hide his amusement anymore.

            “Yes.” I nodded. “Oh, yes.”

** ** **

            “Remind me to thank your mother again for helping me get Naaki set up in here.” I smiled. Loki sat on the floor in front of my spot in the couch with a book. Naaki crawled atop her new cushioned bedding and fell fast asleep after the festivities. After kicking off my shoes, I’d hiked my grey tulle skirts up on the couch and set my legs up to relax.

            “I cannot believe everyone liked that creature.” He chuckled, eyes on his book as I began to shift my hands into his hair. Loki allowed me to play with his black locks, sitting comfortably in front of me on the floor. “Did you enjoy today?”

            “It was perfect.” I plucked a chocolate from one of the gifts I’d gotten and savored the taste before offering one to Loki. He parted his lips and continued reading. Sighing, I watched the back of his head and let one leg hang over the sofa while I folded my other against the back of his shoulders. “Moira gave me this amber and rose incense, it smells divine and it’s supposed to ward off bad dreams. Do you like it?”

            “I like  _this_ ,” Loki idly shifted my bare leg over his shoulder and pressed a kiss into the skin. I hummed softly in response. He trailed his fingertips up and down my flesh while he enjoyed his book. Twisting and braiding pieces of his raven locks lazily, I relished our silence for a long moment and glanced over at my sleeping kitten. Loki held his book in one hand and kept the other wound around my leg, fingers gripping firmly and tracing slight shapes here and there. Shifting after a while longer, I felt him grip my leg tighter before I could get up.

            “I’m going to wash my face and get ready for bed,” I kissed the top of his head and inhaled his scent before I stood and lifted my dress to hurry. After I was done, I began untying my dress while Loki stood in front of the door.

            “When I’m done in here, I want you to tell me how you desire the rest of this night to go,” he winked and passed me, shutting the door. I licked my lips and hurried to my closet, jolting to attention when I opened it. Inside was a gorgeous corset I’d never seen before of green and black with a note attached.

_Sweet Lady,_

_I hope you enjoy this gift with your prince on this grand day. Consider it a Name Day present and thank you for pulling me back from my accursed slump. Pretend I’m still there in spirit._

_Love,_

_A handsome stranger_

             _Fandral_. I groaned and covered my face. _I’m going to kill him._  I touched the stiff elegant fabric and fought a smile.  _I’m going to kiss him_. Curiously, I put it on with my undergarments and didn’t dare look in the mirror while Loki finished up in the bathroom. Adjusting the final hooks, I exhaled and looked myself up and down bashfully. To play with him, I shifted into my cat form and hopped up next to Naaki, her little limbs stretched out so I sat and curled up. Loki scoffed at me when he noticed after exiting and crossed his arms.

            “Really, sweetheart, you’re not funny.” He tilted his head and I jumped between his legs before he could approach, dashing to my bed and under the covers. Quickly, I shifted back. “Why  _ever_  are you hiding from me?”

            “Don’t laugh.” I warned, hidden and muffled.

            “I already told you that you weren’t funny,” he mused and I huffed at him before lifting the blankets at the bottom of the bed. “Why ever would I…” Loki trailed off when I sat up on my knees and dropped the covers, looking expectantly at him.

            “Well…?” I linked my hands behind my back.

            “Is it my Name Day as well?” He stated finally, eyes lingering on my new undergarments. The prince came forward to take my waist, lifting me off the bed and to my feet.

            “Is this silly?” I asked reluctantly, hands smoothing over my stomach but, he licked his lips.

            “Is that really what you think?” His brow lifted. “This is divine… But, where?”

            “Our lover in common.” I adjusted the tight fabric and exhaled carefully.

            “I might let him keep his eyes in their sockets.”

            “You’re  _too_  kind,” I ran my hands up his arms.

            “Tell me exactly how you wish for me to pleasure you,” Loki’s tone dropped and the lamps dimmed around us when he drew closer to my lips.

            “I actually wanted to pleasure you…” I blinked. “I thought we could try being together while you’re shifted into…”

            “Oh…” Loki stood straighter. “That is really what you want?”

            “I wanted to try…if you did… I want you to be comfortable around me in any gender you wish and I want you to explore yourself without limit. I love you.” I caught my breath when Loki suddenly took my shoulders before he kissed me. I saw light shift over his form as I opened my eyes to see the woman staring back at me. Loki nodded and kissed me once more, her lips soft and plump against mine. I felt her fear and broke the kiss, taking her upper arms to guide her to my couch. Loki’s green eyes watched me as I pressed her against the couch. “Alright?”

            “Fine,” she touched my hips, hands smoothing over my thighs before I leaned forward, crawling so that I was between her legs. Hovering, I set my hands against the arm of the sofa. Loki leaned back into it, the black dress on her frame road up to her thighs.

            "Did you shift often into this form during day to day activities?" I asked.

            "Weeks or months apart." Loki shrugged. "Since I was a teen. First it was a disguise to run errands. Then, it was a comfort. I was not afraid of what you would think. Others, yes. I suppose, I enjoyed my bubble, and it never came up properly. I was still figuring myself. I've not been sexual with another in it. Came close to it. I’ve tried...touching myself. Somehow, I feel clumsy.” Loki blinked. “Perhaps you should show me tonight.” She reached for the tie of her dress behind her neck and let the fabric fall under her full breasts. Much like I’ve done before, she took my hands and settled them there, nipples perking up under my touch when I circled my thumbs over them. I kissed her creamy skin, trailing my lips down until I took one pink bud between my lips. Loki moaned aloud and I shifted to the other. Her fingers eagerly bunched up the dress to show me her lack of underwear.

            “You’re beautiful.” I murmured, leaning over for a kiss when her arms latched around my shoulder and held me to her. Loki was relaxing under my touch so I shifted one hand between her legs while my other stayed by her head. Carefully, I teased my fingers around her fold and felt chills rise on her skin. Loki opened her eyes to look at me, lips parting and I obliged with a kiss before sliding a finger into her wet opening. Her gasp was swallowed by my mouth when I felt her arousal beginning to coat her lips.

            “Teasing, I see,” she caught her breath as I pumped my finger at a leisure pace.

            “I’m quite merciful actually,” I breathed and slid the wet digit up over her clit, earning another gasp. Loki’s eyes went wide at the sensation as I traced slow circles and her fingers dug into my skin. Sliding two fingers against her, I shifted them inside her until her hips began to move in tune with them. “Do you want me to-”

            “More.” She breathed, burying her face in my throat. I nudged her thighs further apart with my knees and sat up a bit to watch her. Loki furrowed her brow, lips parting with a plea when I began to stroke her. Hips rolled back into my hand before she closed her eyes and arched, mouthing something into the air.  _Don’t stop._  Her hand curled around my wrist by her head and I kept going, speeding until her high pitched cry muffled when she set her free hand to her lips.

            “Not so easy is it?” I mused, lips trailing over the curve of her breast. Swirling my fingers around her clit, I felt her legs seize up before climax washed over her entire frame. Loki’s head snapped back, breath catching completely until I ceased and she sagged into the couch.  When I sat up, she did so abruptly and brought me down for a kiss before taking my hand to suckle the slicked fingers. Light swept over Loki’s form and he was back, pulling me onto his bare lap when I chuckled in his embrace.

            “We’re not finished for the night,” the prince trailed a finger over the edge of my corset. With new found vigor, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Cannot waste this new piece of clothing.”

            “Was I good?” I laughed when he dropped me on the bed and kneeled in front of my legs. Loki drew closer to my face until our breaths synced together.

            “You are glorious.”

** ** **

            Nights later, the lush forest was harsh with shadows that cloaked around me. I reveled in them as I ran, my new armor fitting perfectly to my body. I jumped past trees and bounded through the nature, wind created the background music for my trial. This armor. It was perfect. I wondered for a moment if it was enchanted. I felt renewed when I put it on.

            Climbing up one tree, I jumped to another with grace I didn’t know I had. In this armor, I felt as if I could fly. Star twinkled above and I climbed another tree, leaping across the way and laughing to myself under the mouth and nose covering. While the armor covered most of my body, it was more freeing and flexible than I’d thought. I stopped by the water, waving my hand to create ripples, forcing it to move back and forth in a smooth motion. My magic would improve. I finally started to believe that for real. Practicing under the cover of the moon, I leapt and spun and kicked through the air; also doing what magic I could. I felt alive.

            Scaling the sturdy branches of another tree, I got near the top and steadied my breath. Shifting my hand over a tiny branch beginning to sprout, it twirled slightly under my whim and I smiled a bit. Pulling my hood and mask away, I gazed up at the sky over Asgard. So peaceful and seemingly untouched. The stars sparkled and I remembered the day of the lanterns, a day when I began to hope again. A star shot across the sky and my eyes slid closed.  _I wish…_ Opening them again to watch the bright moons glow, wind blew through my cape while I stood high above the trees. A new day was here. The path toward fate would twist around. It would not be as beautiful as this night. But, finally, I was willing to face it with hope and spite twisting together. 

            I was all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asgardian stamina is wild. The place they faced their demons in will come back way down the line. The next split prompt is the last one before the first Thor movie/Phase Four! Thanks!!! :D Also major thanks to my friend for this fanart of the Lady's armor---> http://its-a-kaze.tumblr.com/post/169469252192/


	21. Penultimate: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months later. The Lady fails to impress the people as future princess at her standing after the events with Nerien. Finally, a repressed memory comes back while tensions mount in the house of Odin. Comfort comes from an unexpected friend. Loki's focus is pulled when possibilities finally unravel is major consequences. Playing a part proves difficult at least when the Lady's heart is pulled in different directions. A new enemy causes her to give in to justice of her own making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another two parter. The first Thor movie will be next along with Phase Four. Warning: Mentions of CSA/Rape. New OC is transphobic racist. Spoiler alert: won't last long. Very rough/angry but consensual sex warning too.

            Dinner went on as it always did these days. A long table full of royals, warriors, court members, and often other esteemed guests. Laughter. Animated stories being shared. Drinks sloshing. More food than I’ve ever seen growing up in my small house. Loki’s hand on my leg. Things were compact. Uniform. Like clockwork. New eager advisers slowly flocked to Odin's still freshly empty side. I wondered if they feared me. Hated me. In truth, they should thank me.

            “Wine,” the subtle baritone barely reached my ears when I drew back to attention. Loki tilted the wine bottle slightly as if to offer it. I shook my head but the word  _yes_  reached my lips at the same time. He poured.

            “Thank you…” I breathed even and gulped but my throat merely went dry. My knuckles grew white as I gripped my fork, glancing at the scene around me. So loud. The plate covered in barely touched food stared up at me when I glanced down. Odin and Frigga laughed a few seats away at the head of the table while Thor spoke, eating between words. I wasn’t here. Strangers glanced at me as plates were passed. Loki’s pointer finger drew a circle into the fabric of my dress. I never imagined wearing such fine gowns all the time. Sitting at a table with royals. With friends or strangers.  _Future princess_ , they sometimes called me. Not always kindly. People made inquiries about things I was too nervous or embarrassed to share. Strangers.

             _They probably hate my dress too. No. No, Loki got me the dress. He always got them for me. They hate me in the dress._

People would whisper to those next to them occasionally and I felt a chill run up my spine like they were talking about me.  _Too paranoid_. I felt like I could disappear; melt in a pool of the gown as it squeezed my waist in.  _Too tight_. Gazing to Loki briefly as he chuckled softly at a comment I didn’t catch, I felt my brow furrow. I stared at his profile and looked away, out of place next to him.  _Too handsome_. The court lady across from me had perfect posture as she told a joke and took small bites; but I glanced down at my plate and my fork clattered against the table.  _Too much_.

            “Alright?” Loki whispered and I blinked at him.

            “Yes,” again, I’d shaken my head. A chagrin, attentive smile split my lips and I was done for. “Just listening. I’m afraid that...I realized I forgot to feed my cat. I should depart early, if that’s alright?”  _Did I just ask for permission?_

            “Cannot wait till after dessert?” Loki jested lightly as I put my napkin down; the prince always had a way of lowering my guard.

            “She’ll resent me,” I replied in the same tone, relaxing for just a moment before I set my shoulders back. Loki chuckled when I shifted to stand as the guest across from us commented.

            “Prince Loki, always allow a woman to tend to her  _cat_.” The man chuckled loudly, earning a few more from people around him. I watched them encourage such behavior. “So as long as you  _assist_  her later.” His vulgar tone made me feel sick but I smiled through the discomfort. No one chided him immediately. My head tilted, brains ready to spill out. The sudden thoughts of father speaking to me in the same tone crushed in. Far behind the man, I saw the little grey girl looking expectantly. No one noticed. She turned and stared, haunted, before disappearing down the hallway. I was lost on her. Still building a place in my head for her to fit. A sudden rush of memories flooding sucked the air from my lungs and a few dots connected in my head before I shook it.

            “You should watch that loose tongue our table,” Loki’s expression darkened when he saw my eyes change. At last. The chuckles ceased and I was grateful for him. “You’re  _our_ guest of course.” His smile wasn’t friendly.

            “Only joking, your highness. Look at her, she’s  _fine_.” The man gestured and I stepped back when the people near us turned to look at me.

            “Have a good evening.”  _Too polite_. I smiled briefly at Loki and moved to go, looking back when a large hand was set on the man’s shoulder. The table had barely noticed my exit. People went on with dinner but Thor squeezed the man’s shoulder, earning a barely concealed gasp. I’d stopped just at the archway when the large prince looked at his brother, then me, before he reached and picked up the man’s pint of mead.

            “You don’t look like you need this anymore,” Thor clutched the man’s shoulder and chugged the whole thing before he tossed it down, causing the vulgar man to jump. “Another!” He boomed, scaring the man half to death and my lips tugged upwards when I turned to go.

            I’d been to a thousand dinners. With thousands of different guests. Telling thousands of various stories. Suddenly, I was more aware of my hands clenching and the eyes moving over my body. The way I didn’t fit in here anymore. I did as a guest and warrior. Even as a lover of the prince. But, now I couldn’t do it as a future princess. Not after who I was and what I'd done. Something in my chest tightened and I realized my steps picked up to hurry to my room. My heels slipped when I leaned to press my body into the door to close it before a loud squeak of a meow sounded.

            “I know…” I exhaled and smoothed my dress out as I crossed the room. “Just a moment.” Naaki pressed her bald body into my leg while she trailed after me. She pawed at my skirts and I smiled a bit, bending down to pet her. I sometimes felt the emotions of animals. “What am I doing wrong here?” I put some food in her dish before she scrambled to eat. The kitten meowed softly and didn’t look up at me when I shifted to take off my shoes. She’d been growing quickly over the months. I scrubbed my face and peeled the dress from my body, looking away suddenly when I passed a mirror. 

            I felt like my insides had been scraped out.

            Pulling on a loose shirt, I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at my hands. My brow furrowed. I looked outside and tried to convince myself to wait for Loki. He’d put his hand on my leg again and press it up my thigh. Fingers pulling me apart while I presented my mouth to him.

            Clouds moved as I blinked and remembered another body next to me in bed while I’d stare outside. The bed was smaller. So was I. The lump next to me was bigger. Always between me and the wall. Which meant my so-called stepfather must have climbed over me to get there.

            Climbed.

            Hovered.

            Touched.

            My entire body seized and my hand flew to my chest to make sure my heart was still inside it. It wasn't real. Just another illusion. It had to be. My next breath choked in my throat so I leaned over to force it out. I knew. I always knew. But, more and more pieces had been coming together despite my minds pleas to tear them apart. Naaki startled me when she jumped up on my bed, crawling into my lap and stretching her body up to nuzzle at me. My heart warmed as I picked her up so she could cuddle into my neck and chin.

            “You always know what to do,” I muttered, sniffling when my fingers shifted across her skin. It wasn’t long before the door opened and I didn’t turn around to see Loki when he spoke.

            “Look, about that vile-”

            “I know.”

            “You know I disdain most of father’s guests.”

            “I know.” I heard him lock the door and Naaki jumped down from my lap to rub against his legs.

            “ _You_ ,” he mused softly and I wanted to chuckle as she left him and jumped into the cushioned spot near the window. The cat curled up on a large pillow and I tilted my head to watch the clouds beyond her.

            “How did you  _deal_ with him?”

            “What?” Loki asked instantly.

            “We’re just fantasizing.” I replied blankly. “How did you take the bastard down?”

            “I had him cut into multiple pieces and fed to the wilds in your honor. Would that suffice?” Loki’s words made my lips quirk up while I pictured someone else. “Darker than usual this evening.”

            “Does that displease the royal prince?” I questioned and Loki hadn’t moved. I stared outside, my hair tumbling around my back and shoulders.

            “You know it doesn’t.” Since we more formally became fiancés, it was more proper for me to remain in my room while he remains in his at nights. But, Loki visited me in secret and stayed in my room often like he always had.

            “You know…” I turned to look at him, head cocking to the side when I twitched to sweep my hair from my face without using my hands. My tone was hollow. “I always was such a heavy sleeper.”

            “To what do I owe such an observation?” Loki took a few steps forward and I turned back around.

            “Take off your clothes, Loki.” I breathed a soft exhale, my hand flicking to dim the lights. “Come over here and touch me.”

            He didn’t need to be told twice.

** ** **

            “Where have you been these days?” Moira smiled as I stood at the door of a bustling healing room.

            “Wrapped up in wedding plans, coronation prep, and training to burn through my enemies,” I joked simply.

            “Is everything all right?” Moira stopped me.

            “Yes…”

            “Well, things seemed to be looking up around your Name Day and…I don’t know. You’ve been reserved lately.”

            “Just stressed, I suppose. It's all moving quickly and I have so much to learn in little time. Asgard hangs in the balance and if they don't take to me soon, I may just burn at the stake.” I shrugged. “I’m actually here to see your beloved.”

            “Here to pick up the new prosthetic designs for Frigga?” Moira watched me nod when I moved to follow her but I paused; she dropped the subject for now.

            “How did  _he_  end up here?” I nodded to a familiar patient at the end of the room on an open cot as healers bustled around idly. Instantly, I recognized the man as the rude guest at dinner last night.

            “Rolff? Oh, I’m not entirely sure. Between you and I…there’s a rumor that he’d been making crude comments at dinner…and after dinner last night. They say Thor knocked him out good outside the palace after he harassed a group of ladies.”

            “I see…” I blinked and turned to continue after her. Faleen was alone in an attached room, rolling up some large parchments while sitting on a counter.

            “Delivery girl, at your service,” I greeted her after Moira planted a kiss on Faleen’s lips. It was then I realized Faleen was reattaching the bronze prosthetic leg to her thigh.

            “You’re just in time,” she adjusted her leg and hopped off the counter, mechanics whirred softly when she crossed to me. “For your Queen.”

            “Your work here is appreciated. As always. We're lucky to have you.” I smiled and nodded after taking them.

            “Tell your Queen she knows where to find me if she has questions.” Faleen gave a short nod and I turned.

            “Will do. See you both later,” I didn’t get far when a commotion stopped me.

            “I don’t want  _that_  helping me,” that damn guest, Rolff, was struggling against Elisif and a few more healers crossed to help. I furrowed my brow and drew closer with Moira and Faleen behind me. “I said I don’t what that dark  _He-She_  near me!” He yelled, causing gasps and Elisif took a step back. “Disgusting.”

            “Excuse me?! Elisif is a respected leader in here and you will abide by-”

            “Eir, I don’t need you to stand in my place,” Elisif eased. “Let him go.”

            “Disgusting pig.” A healer next to me sneered.

            “We won’t be here if that trash gets hurt again,” Moira muttered to Faleen.

            “We should call guards in.” Eir tried, touching Elisif’s arm and everyone nodded.

            “He doesn’t want our help further. Someone lead him out.” Elisif turned and I noticed Moira holding Faleen back. The man scrambled up, holding his head but I stood in front of him.

             "Apologize." I hissed, eyes wide when I realized I'd spoken. Rolff stared, head tilting. Not in fear. In a way of challenge. He found me endearing. Feisty. An object. "Do not disrespect Elisif again. If I hear utters about her race or gender again, I'll have you tossed out of this province. I do not care what noble name you carry."

             "Forgive me, little princess. The drink."

             "Not to me. Apologize to _her._  Now." I ordered. Everyone watched me, awed. Rolff stumbled and gave a mocking bow.

             "Forgive me, my lady." He met my eyes and moved to go. "Future princess." With a wink at me, he was gone. Not reacting, I sped after Elisif before the doors closed behind her so Eir took over in the main room.

            “I’m fine, Hon,” she spoke, moving to idly organize a few potions.

            “I just wanted to see if you were okay,” I shrugged, holding in my fury, “and I am sorry. That was disgusting and you shouldn't have to face one piece of it.”

            “I just tell myself that it doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Thank you for saying something. The healers are a unit. Always.” Elisif turned to look at me, her regal features showing in the light as sun leaked in. “I’m finally the person I want to be. My son is visiting today, also, so I refuse to be down. That man will be kicked out of the palace along with all others. Eventually. We've all dealt with these nobles before.” Elisif’s son was a hell of a warrior with the healing training to match. He taught many other healers in here a while back. Had he seen what happened in the healing room, that man would have been out the window in a heartbeat.

            “You know the healers are all standing behind you. As is Frigga.” I touched Elisif’s hand and she squeezed it briefly.  “I can’t tell you that I know it all because I haven’t been through what you have. Different experiences. I won't talk over you. But, I respect you as a friend and leader. I just wanted you to know that. If anyone else treats you like that, please...let me know. We can't let it pass by.” I thought of sweet things like my hands around Rolff’s neck and sighed.

            “That means a lot, Hon.” Elisif smiled, looking more beautiful than ever. “You’d better get those to the Queen. And thank you.”

            “I’ll see you later.” I bowed and left, realizing Faleen was smacking things around in the corner as she worked. Moira touched her shoulder and left for a moment when I approached. “Are you alright?”

            “That would have never been tolerated on Vanaheim.” She seethed a bit, straightening up to look at me.

            “It isn’t tolerated here.” My voice was small and she scoffed.

            “Meaning no offense…but, you appear to not even believe that. I've seen the way you're treated. Like a political piece to fit into a mold. Not a future princess. Asgard is progressive yes, but I’ve seen guards turn a blind eye to injustices, warriors who’ve no right to be in the palace, and a King who still accepts the old ways of payment for crimes that should be punished other ways. Change doesn't happen overnight. This generation has a lot to fix that the last could not or...refused to. But, I thought Asgard was more evolved than this. I appreciate your efforts but if those in power do not try...what example does that set?" Briefly, I thought of Herlof. The Elders. "What more needs to happen before you all wake up?” Faleen moved to go elsewhere but I found my voice.

            “No, you’re right. Asgard needs to do better. I thought I knew but since the engagement. I'm seeing so much more.” I nodded once and she stared before doing so in return when we parted ways. 

** ** **

            “I’m looking for Her Majesty.” I swallowed and addressed two guards on either side of the King and Queen’s chambers in a different part of the palace I rarely went. When they exchanged looks, I went on. “She asked for me to fetch this for her. For her hands only.” I lied slightly before the man was able to take my rolled up parchments.

            “This way.” He led me into another hallway and down a set of stairs. Torches lit the way. Wind blew through the open arched windows. We curved through a small hallway I’d never gone into and he knocked at two double doors.

            “Come in.” Frigga greeted me and I realized this tall room was merely another hallway, curved with a set of ornate windows. A massive, ancient door with an odd lock mechanism of metal vines covering it sat behind her. I could sense the magic in it. “There you are,” Frigga beckoned my attention back to her before she waved for the guard to leave.

            “From Faleen.” I dropped my gaze to the floor and handed them over. “I’ll let you get back to…” Trailing off, I nodded and turned to go.

            “Wait.” Frigga stopped me and I hesitated but turned once more. “You’ve never been to my wing of the palace.”

            “They say no one has.” I turned fully to face her.

            “They?” She chuckled. “Not completely true. Come. You look in need of something hot.” The Queen turned and waved her hand before she slipped a key in the door. Mechanics cracked before the vines pulled inward, allowing it to open. “I’ve heard that your last few attempts to find a wedding dress with my ladies-in-waiting have not been well.” I wanted to groan when I thought of them telling her my troubles in small whispers. “Next you go to our tailors, I’ll put some time aside so I can join you once more. It’s an important decision.”

            “They keep telling me that. All of Asgard will look upon me and judge that day.” I tried to make light of my words. “Even now, they’re watching. Waiting for me to…make a mistake.”

            “You learn quickly.” Frigga offered before she beckoned for me to follow her in the dark room.

            “I always have. Or, I try to.” The door shut on its own behind me and I gasped when the curtains were drawn. Magic hummed around the entire room and pipes ran the length of the ornate walls from different machines, none of which I recognized, and to the skylight above. Bookcases and other glass cases also lined the walls around me as I took a few steps forward toward the biggest instrument on the other side of the room. A massive, curved golden desk sat attached to the wall with different buttons and flat devices along it. Above the desk was a mirror I’d heard rumors about around Asgard.

            “I imagine this stress with the wedding, your powers, training, and all else has put your mind in a dark place.” Frigga still had her back to me. She used magic to ready some tea. Waves on energy emitted golden light around me when I crossed the room finally. The desk itself somewhat reminded me of the soul forge with different flat surfaces illuminated on it.

            “Yes, I suppose.” I blinked.

            “You’ve been quieter. Slipping away again.” Frigga turned. “Forgive me, I told you I’d assist with your wedding. Rest assured that I will have the ability to help you more soon, dear. Sit.” Robotically, I did so across from her. “Loki is worried about you.”

            “He seems distracted with his own work,” I replied without missing a beat before sitting up. “I don’t mean that he-”

            “No, I understand. All of Asgard is in disarray since that…” The Queen glanced at me and changed her words. “A new King is upon us,” she smiled lightly when I shifted the cup of hot tea closer. “How do you find my study?”

            “It looks like something Loki needs.” I hitched an amused sigh. “Though, I’d never get him outside.”

            “You’re curious about my mirror.” Frigga caught me staring and I snapped my gaze back, sipping my tea idly. “I imagine so. A conversation for another time.”

            “There’s a lot of power in this room.” I observed. “You can see everything, can’t you?”

            “No one can see  _everything_ , dear.” Frigga drank briefly. “And as I’ve stated, even if I could…I could never speak of such things. I wanted to talk about you. Or, should I say, prep you a bit for what you have in store as my son’s fiancé.” I felt my chest clench a little with stress and fear, my fingernails scratched idly at my opposite arm.

            “What might that be?” I grasped my hands in my lap when they trembled before she went on.

            “Loki is supposed to do his best to guide you through this next year.” Frigga watched me closely. “You will go through with your wedding planning. Hopefully with more of my assistance. You will attend dinners as our future princess and soon we will present you formally to the court and citizens during a proper ceremony and banquet.”

            “I thought Loki and I…already made our engagement known to Asgard.”

            “Yes, but Odin will now host a more formal ceremony for you. It is time for you to start transitioning to your new status as Asgard's princess. Loki and I will walk you through it. We already have your gown and shoes being made. I’ll let you know more about them later. There is also a dance and a good amount of meet and greet with our… _friends_.” Frigga smiled to set me at ease but, I knew what  _friends_  meant. “Everyone will attend and recognize you more formally as my future daughter-in-law.”

            “Everyone,” my next breath shook and she nodded.

            “Almost. This brings me to a small side note. I wanted to ask you if you would like your mother at your wedding?”

            “I…” I exhaled sharply. “Yes.” I answered simply and Frigga didn’t ask for me to explain.

            “Your presentation ceremony will host other noble families, the court, many others… I’m sure you understand.”

            “Frigga, do you think I can do this all?” I asked finally in a smaller whisper.

            “I’ve never doubted that.” She tilted her head and I sat back. “Something else you should know, soon you will be given a lady-in-waiting.”

            “What? I don’t think I-”

            “Odin insists. Formalities, dear. She will be at your call, help you morning and night… You’ve met many of mine.”

            “I just don’t think I’ll need one. I’ve my training, and…and my magic, and I’m working with Loki still on my new…powers. I haven’t worn my gloves for a whole day in a week…and well, Loki’s been too busy to help me lately… He's consumed with his own knowledge growth at the moment.” The realization sent some disappointment down my spine. “But, I’m getting better and…I hope Odin knows that.”

            “Dear,” Frigga settled me and I narrowed my eyes as she looked at me more carefully. “He does.”  _Wait._

            “He wants me to be more of a princess than a warrior. Doesn’t he?” I furrowed my brow and didn’t stop the words from leaving. Frigga’s face changed and I stood up, my cheeks heating with anger. “That’s what you’ve been trying to tell me. He’s worried that I’m too… _volatile_  and he wants me further from the field… Under his watch. If he’s so worried, why doesn’t he supervise me himself?” Frigga spoke my name but I shook my head. “Don’t  _lie_  to me…” It took me a moment to realize I’d just spoken to the Queen that way but, Frigga didn’t seem to mind. "I know how people look at me. They had issue with me before because of my parents and status. But," I choked the name, _"Nerien."_

            “I will not lie.” Frigga stood and took my arms, trying to comfort me. “You must understand the situation you’re in now. I am Queen and warrior but I must put one above the other. Often we must set our priorities, whether we agree or not. You know that.” I blinked and trailed my hand up to purposefully touch Frigga’s, flashes of her filled me.  _Truth_. She’s telling the truth. Something more began to fill my brain as her words of priorities repeated.  _Wistful_.  _But why…?_ I tilted my head and searched further before taking my hand away instantly when she went on. A saw the face of a newborn. It wasn't Thor. It wasn't Loki. I pushed what I’d seen away and decided to never speak of it or try to connect the dots.  _I can try._  “We must put our trust in Odin. Your King.” Something dark in me wanted to scoff.

            “When will this ceremony be?” That caused Frigga to stand taller.

            “I’m afraid you have a two weeks to prepare. It was pushed closer.”

            “Two weeks?” My eyes went wide before she calmed me somewhat with her words.

            “Not to worry, not to worry. You’ll have help and a lady-in-waiting by then.” Frigga was trying but my head hadn’t stopped spinning so my next words felt like I lie.

            “I trust your family.”

** ** **

            After leaving, I paced quickly away and dropped into the healing room. “Asta, is Moira or Faleen still here?” I stopped my older friend and she nodded, smiling.

            “In here,” she paused, “you alright?”

            “Oh, yes, I just need to get to the training grounds soon. We’re preparing for spars.” I smiled. “How’s your boy?”

            “Never sits still,” Asta chuckled. I followed her into another room with healers moving about. “Moira, Faleen,” she called and opened a case to get some ingredients out as they paced over.

            “Frigga loved the designs. She wanted to speak to you about them after dinner tonight.”

            “Happy to help…” Faleen trailed off. “You well?”

            “Why does everyone keep asking me that?!” I snapped but shook my head and set my hand to it. “I’m sorry. Faleen, I'm so sorry. That was so rude of me.”

            “We all have our days.” Faleen shrugged. “Get some aggression out today before you snap at someone else.”

            “What happened with Frigga?” Moira asked from her side.

            “I have this…princess ceremony coming up in two weeks,  _everyone_  is staring at me, and King Odin  _insists_  on giving me a lady-in-waiting.”

            “They did not ask you if you had any lady in mind?” Asta lowered her voice and I shook my head in question when Moira explained.

            “She’s going to spy on you.” She voiced without missing a beat.

            “What…?”

            “The attendants see all. Especially the ladies-in-waiting. He wants someone to trail after your, watch you, and report when needed.” Moira furrowed her brow. “She can report on you and your relationships.”

            “I think she’s right,” Faleen crossed her arms and I stepped backwards.

            “As if my paranoia wasn’t bad enough. I can’t think about this right now.” I waved my hands. “Thanks for the tip but, honestly I don’t think I can do anything about this.” I shook my head and turned. “I need to go.”

            “We’ll figure something out.” Moira called after me and I hesitated to look back. “Just wait.”

** ** **

            Asgard was foggy today. Grey clouds covered the sky outside when I got the training grounds. For the most part, I was left alone with my archery and fired arrows until my arms ached. Each time, I plucked them out then went back and began firing once more until I was interrupted.

            “Should those targets be people, I believe they’d be very dead by now.” Loki swept my tied up hair behind my shoulder and I smiled at him. “My mother told me she’d spoken with you.”

            “So, you’re out here because your mother made you come out to see me?” I grinned still and shook my head when he raised his brow. “I’m only joking. But, it would have been nice to know about this ceremony a while ago.” I fired another arrow between the legs of a test dummy target and Loki pulled at his collar when I locked eyes with him.

            “You’re upset. I imagine you are and-”

            “I’m fine.” I moved to collect my arrows and Loki followed after me as people trained around us. “I understand. You’re busy. I’m busy… We’re all so damn busy.”

            “You’ll do fine, if you’re worried about that.”

            “Worried is an understatement, Loki.” I turned after yanking out my last arrow. “Tonight after dinner, do you want to meet and train or you could start prepping me for the ceremony. Just us.” I stepped closer to him and his lips tugged up a bit.

            “Tonight isn’t good,” Loki paused, “and neither is tomorrow.” I huffed and moved back to my spot so he caught up quickly. “But, the day after, we’ll start. I promise you.” I wanted to beg. But, I couldn’t let myself become the sweet girl who begged on her knees. Not here. Not ever.

            “Fine, the day after tomorrow when I only have two weeks… Would you like to spar here with me for old time’s sake?” When I saw Loki straighten up and put his hands behind his back, I dropped my shoulders and shook my head. “I’ll see you at dinner then…and maybe later tonight if you decide you want to crawl on top of me since that’s all you seem to want to do with me these days. I feel your need for relief, you know.”

            “You know I’d rather spend my time with you.” Loki took my shoulders and made me face him. “I’ve been under a lot of stress from father and my own work…it leaves me with little time for anything else.”

            “Why aren’t you there in the morning anymore?” I muttered and Loki exhaled.

            “I need more time.”

            “Don’t we all?” I chucked ruefully, eyes rolling slightly and his face twitched.

            “Do not roll those eyes at me.” Loki squared his shoulders. “It isn’t as if I’m lounging about, entertaining other women. I’m working, I have my research to do, I’m meeting with father, planning and strategizing for  _hell_  knows what, and entertaining father’s idiotic guests from other provinces. So, I don’t need you to act like a spoiled child while I-”

            “A spoiled child? Honestly? That's what you think... You won’t even tell me what you’re spending half your time working on. You don't communicate with me. I just need you to be honest... Always with the secrets.” I stepped forward and kept my voice low so no one else could hear us. “I am trying to be perfect, I’m trying to make everything perfect for you but, it’s all falling to hell and you haven’t even tried to understand what I’ve been going through the past few weeks. What’s worse is I don’t think you can now… You’re not  _there_ , Loki. This knowledge. This power. Whatever you're engrossed in studying...is it more important than us?”

            “ _I just need more time_ ,” he hissed, turning to walk away. Loki must have known that I was aware he was lying about something.

            “Send me a letter in five hundred years when you have the time and your father  _allows_ us to marry,” my words caused him to turn sharply and shoot me a warning look. I crossed my arms and shrugged before he moved to stomp off, pushing around Thor roughly before his brother could stop him or get a word in. I rubbed my eyes and turned before another hand touched my shoulder. “ _What_?!” I met Thor’s unfazed expression and shook my head. “I did it again. I’m sorry, Thor.”

            “Spar with me.” He nodded simply for me to follow and I tilted my head.

            “We never spar…”

            “Come now then.” Thor shrugged with a grin and I paused, bow in hand before I caught up with him.

            “Thought you’d be off with Odin and his visitors.”

            “I have, early this morning. Asgard’s future King needs to keep up with his training. Might even boost morale.” Thor chuckled and I walked with him into the coliseum area, which was empty.

            “Don’t want anyone to see us?” I inquired and he shook his head.

            “Figured you’d be more comfortable to use magic.” Thor smiled wide and my eyebrows quirked up as he tossed me a long staff.

            “You’re…alright with that?” I set my bow and quiver aside.

            “Have I ever not been?” Thor flexed his fists and took a staff for himself. “Have at me with all that aggression.” His words caused me to crack the most honest smile I’d felt in weeks.

            “Don’t hold back.” I took a defensive stance along the dirt and he followed, that usual glint in his eye.

            “Aye,” he mused and when we clashed, his beastly fortitude almost sent me to the floor. Thor had strength and stability on his side so I had to be lighter, more fluid. Instead I dodged all his blows before sending my own. We kept up like that, running and jumping around each other for minutes on end. Muscles rippled along his bare arms every time we clashed and I suddenly moved under his arm, spinning to send my staff into his side before he blocked it. “It’s apparent you’ve trained with Loki.” Trying to trip Thor proved useless, so I jumped back to avoid a blow and promptly sent my foot into his chest when his staff was down.

            “I’d say it’s done me well.” I puffed for air when Thor flew forward at me. Jumping against the wall, I tried to leap over him but was caught by the ankle and tossed against the dirt.

            “Forget I could fly?” Thor charged once more and the blow was deflected by my ward which sent him back a few steps. Our staffs met again when I caught my footing before I leapt backwards.

            “I think it best if you keep your feet on the ground,” I swept my arm out and old roots sprang up to grab onto his ankles. Sparks lit up my hand when he struggled briefly and broke away just as I sent a blast of magic at him. Thor bared his teeth and appeared to absorb the sparks before redirecting them back at me out his opposite hand. They missed me by inches. I leapt against the wall to propel myself toward him. Our staffs clashed hard as I brought mine down. “That was amazing.” I heaved and he puffed, skin glistening before a smile reached his lips.

            “Not so bad yourself. Not at all,” Thor pushed against me and I ducked to avoid his next swing.

            “Training with you out here might keep me set for a week,” I laughed, breathless before I charged to hit him. Golden hair swung out as he spun to counter me with ease. Sparring with Thor was wonderful truth be told, he was a respectful and freeing partner. I mustered up some magic to send him back a bit but he pressed forward until I was forced to give away and leap back. We kept charging, dancing around each other until my limbs felt numb. Thor managed to push me back into the wall and lined his staff up with mine, pressing them both into my throat so he lifted me to his level. Stunned, I held onto the staffs and kicked at him with no avail.

            “I believe this gives me the point.” He lessened the pressure when I nodded before letting me down. Slightly light-headed from all the magic use, I stumbled to the side but his buff arm instantly caught around the small of my back to steady me against him. Both of us breathed heavily for a moment, our eyes meeting before he inhaled to speak. “All right?”

            “Yes,” I nodded, touching his chest before I stood straight with my staff. “Haven’t used that much magic in a while. Cocky prince, aren’t you? Bloodthirsty as well. I imagine so, you haven’t seen a proper battle in a while. You and Loki have that in common.”

            “There were bound to be a few similarities,” Thor shrugged, his smile setting me at ease when I met his blue eyes.

            “I think I’m done…for the week,” I laughed finally with him following. Tension left. “Thanks for that.”

            “Anytime. You’ve gotten quite good. Much quicker than I remember.” His words warmed me and I swept some hair from my forehead. We smiled at each other for a moment before I tore my gaze away.

            “I should go get cleaned up, they want me dressed like a proper lady of the court at dinner,” I side-stepped and he nodded, taking my staff from me while I moved to collect my things. Thor ran a hand into his messy blond hair and watched me face him for a moment. “Thank you.”

            “Suppose you’ll officially be my sister by marriage soon enough.” Thor nodded and I paused.

            “What do you know about the ceremony I have to go to?”

            “They’ve not told you anything?” He tilted his head when I shook mine. “Do you even know what they’re going to make you wear? The dance? The people? The damn courtesies?” I shook my head once more and he blinked. “Odd with it being so close.”

            “Everyone is busy. Frigga said they had to move it closer. I'm lost.” I lowered my gaze and he stepped forward.

            “What are you doing after dinner this evening?” Thor asked then and I shrugged.

            “Nothing, I think.”

            “Meet me at the end of the hall by the row of windows just outside the dining hall. I shall see what I can do for you.”  
  
            “Aren’t you busy?”  
  
            “I make time for friends.” He pressed.

            “I…all right.” I stared up at him and he nodded once at me before I turned but stopped again. “Oh…so there’s a rumor you punched that noble, Rolff, for harassing some people last night…”

            “I cannot confirm nor deny this,” Thor smirked. “Though, that bump on his head mixed with the mead he drank tells me he cannot remember either way.” Amusement flashed over my face. “I don’t like the so called  _rumors_  I hear of how he treats the ladies in his company. Two wives disappearing. Good women. When I am King, the wealthy will not buy themselves out of injustices no matter what house they’re from. Especially, when there is proof.” The fact that he revealed this all shocked me, but I touched his arm. Thor felt like a rush of sheer confidence and pure anxiety.

            “Then you’re on your way to being a great King…and a better man.”

** ** **

            “Wait a moment before you run off,” Loki stopped me just as people began to leave for dinner. Thor rushed out after dessert and I bet he was already waiting for me. “I’ve good news.” He touched the small of my back through the stiff, black corset piece around my midsection. The green silk dress moved around my feet. As the ceremony grew closer, I was meant to sport Loki’s colors at dinner. “I’m not here to fight.”

            “I don’t want to fight with you either.” I paused with him near the door.

            “I’ll be late tonight,” he confessed and I nodded, sighing.

            “I’m meeting Thor,” I stated quickly. “He said he’d help me with some…thing later…it’s about the ceremony.”

            “If…that is what you want…” I could tell Loki was bothered. His brow furrowed and he shook his head, guiding me out the door. “Until then, meet your new lady-in-waiting.”

            “Moira?” I gasped when she bowed at us just outside the door, not wearing her usual healing room outfit. “What are you doing?”

            “I’ll let you both speak,” Loki kissed my lips but, I tugged at his arm. He felt disheartened.

            “Moira, what are you doing here?” I pulled at Loki. "Wait, I really think we should talk. I don't feel good about our last conversation."

            “She volunteered and I pushed it through,” Loki explained, staring at my eyes when he pried my hand from his arm. “Do not worry. We’ll talk  _later_.” The prince went around the corner in an instant, leaving me there so and I turned to Moira when she smiled.

            “Why are you doing this?”

            “It was the only way. Asta and I talked it over and I told her she has her son so I’d do it.”

            “Do what?” I breathed, in awe still.

            “Protect you, of course.” She stated in a matter-a-fact tone. “I told you we’d figure something out.”

            “The healing room…? Your job there. I won’t let you stop that.” I shook my head.

            “I still work there, part time now and then for you.” She shrugged, taking my arm. “I talked about it with Faleen and she didn’t like it much. She doesn’t trust many here and that was why I did this.” Moira and I paused when she turned to me, voice dropping “I think something bad is coming for Asgard. We need to look out for each other now more than ever. It’s worse with all those greedy nobles lurking about. Elisif’s son got into two fights with men harassing ladies in the healing room today.”

            “Is that why Nazir came to visit among all the chaos here?”

            “I think so. He wants to be near his mother with all of these fools and their prejudices walking the halls. Nothing has been the same since your friend, Nerien-”

            “Moira-”

            “-shook Asgard up and now the road to put Prince Thor on the throne is messy. You know it is. The King is refusing to sleep and I’ve never seen Queen Frigga this distracted. Prince Loki…he is different as well. We see him so rarely now and I know you do as well… Secretive and lying about his whereabouts.” I forced my gaze away from her, but she went on. “I’m right. We both know that.”

            “ _Alright_ …so you’re my lady-in-waiting.” I caved in finally and Moira smiled at me before following me back into the main hallway. “I’m about to meet Thor for some assistance.”

            “I’ll help too then.” Moira shrugged when I looked back at her. “I’m supposed to wait on the future princess.”

            “There you are.” Thor appeared around the corner before I could speak, still in his more formal dinner outfit. Truth be told, Thor dressed and cleaned up as well as Loki did. “Lady Moira.”

            “Prince Thor,” she bowed, already comfortable in her part.

            “My new lady-in-waiting.” I explained and Thor nodded, hand folded behind his back.

            “I see. Good.” The prince showed me what was in his hand and I groaned at golden shoes with heels higher than anything I’d ever worn.

            “I hope those are for you.” I raised my eyes to Thor when he shook his head, amused.

            “Paid the royal tailors a visit. We have to be careful with them because these are what you’re wearing and dancing in during the banquet. Saw your gown too…oh, well, I saw part of it. It isn’t finished. No doubt they’ll call you in for a fitting soon.”

            “What did it look like?”

            “Gold…and very large.”

            “Wonderful.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ll appreciate any help I get, then.”

            “To the library,” Thor nodded for us to follow after him. “It’ll be empty now.”

            “Why the library?” I asked, Moira’s quiet steps just behind me.

            “It’ll be the best place to practice,” Thor grinned, offering me his arm. Scoffing, I accepted before he held his other arm out for Moira, respectfully. She kindly accepted and smiled at me with reassurance before we arrived. Thor instantly went to work, moving tables away from the first staircase after he’d set the shoes down for me to put on.

            “Can you stand?” Moira asked and I nodded, using a table to get myself up. My ankles wobbled.

            “All right… I’m ready.” I breathed and stayed put. Moira stood off to the side in front of a pillar as Thor beckoned for me to cross to him. The heels brought me somewhat closer to his height and my ankles shook still while I got used to them.

            “Let’s practice you walking in first,” Thor helped me up the stairs slowly and I turned.

            “That’s a long way down.” I raised my brow up and Moira shot me a smile of encouragement.

            “I won’t let you fall and neither will Loki when he walks you in during the actual event.”

            “He’s walking me in?” I gave a breath of relief when Thor nodded.

            “Let your skirts down, you won’t trip on them,” Thor advised, taking a few steps down to watch me. “Shoulders back, chin up…there you are. Relax your expression…better. Do not look so worried.”

            “Got it…” I exhaled and smiled lightly. “How do I look?” Thor beamed as he looked up at me.

            “Like you can call this place your home.” His words stirred warmth in my chest and I pressed my lips together when a smile reached them. “And very radiant.”  _Radiant_. Not pretty or beautiful but, radiant. Happy and healthy. Eyes sparkling, hair shining, bright-faced,  _radiant_. That was a hell of a compliment.

            “All right… I’m entering the room.” I stepped down and Thor held up a hand to catch me if I fell. “This isn’t so bad…” I began descending the stairs and Moira motioned for me to smile, which I did. “I’m worried more about the dancing.” I stumbled and Thor caught my arm to steady me.

            “We’ll get there…” Thor watched me get down the stairs, my back stiff, and pass him to walk along the path he’d set up. “Not bad. Do you know how to play the piano?” The prince turned to Moira and she nodded.

            “My mother taught me,” she stood and sat down on the bench across the way as Thor followed. I leaned on a table briefly and rolled my ankle to adjust myself. “What would you like?”

            “Some formal. Slow… Like this,” Thor pressed a few keys gently and Moira picked it up.

            “You know piano?” I raised my brow.

            “Loki and I had a tutor briefly. I know enough, I suppose. Mother always said it was important to dabble within the arts. Piano came easiest for me.” Thor stood up after nodding at Moira.

            “I feel like I learn new things about you every day.” I crossed my arms, leaning back and he paced over.

            “Well, you’re marrying someone who tends to call me different variations of the word,  _fool_.”

            “I think that’s Loki’s way of affection with you.” I grinned and he nodded. “No, but, really, you are intelligent, well-versed, and quite fashionable.”

            “I am glad someone appreciates the efforts I go through,” he jested lightly, gesturing for me with his hands. “Now for dancing.” Moira was playing softly behind us. “First, we bow.” Effortlessly, he did so and when I followed, my ankle slipped and he caught my hands. “We’ll work more on that.”

            “Gladly,” I let him lead me forwards a few steps before he placed one of my hands on his shoulder.

            “Loki’s going to curse me if I take your waist,” Thor mused.

            “Loki doesn’t have anything to worry about here.” I stated simply.

            “ _Ouch_ , you wound me so.” He looked mock hurt and I rolled my eyes at him, amused.

            “Okay,  _Fandral_ , calm down,” I took Thor’s broad hand and set it on my waist before we locked our opposite hands. The contact warmed against my skin instantly. True to his nature, he felt like thunder. Rumbling soft and then booming with crackles. He stirred a sense of fight within me.

            “Either way, you’ll find that the dance here is a bit more-”

            “Formal?” I raised my brow as he led me slowly.

            “You’re catching on.” Thor chuckled at me.

            “I’m beginning to detest that word.”

            “You and me both.” He agreed with a flat look.

            “Future princess, future king.” I realized Thor probably was the closest person to understand what I was going through. I still felt the slight worry within him underneath every other feeling. The collapsed emotion hidden within his flesh that perhaps something was completely off. For a moment, I found myself wanting to comfort Thor. Something I felt within him coveted it. I wanted to touch his temples and  _really_ get a feel for my friend. He was better at hiding things than most gave him credit for. But, I didn’t. I just danced with him silently and hopefully, not too awkwardly. “At the end, we bow once more.”

            “Even if I dance with Loki the whole time?” I wondered as I did so and Thor just looked at me before I realized it.

            “I’m expected to dance with many other guests…aren’t I?” I made a face and shook my head. “You’ve been more helpful on this one day than most people around me have been for the past two weeks.” I exhaled sharply. “Is there anything else I’m sorely missing?”

            “You and Loki will lead the first dance, alone. Then, others will join and you may be required to dance with many. That includes my father and I. You’re also going to detest the greetings. They’re a bit long winded.” Thor explained and I nodded. “If I have anything else, I’ll let you know.”

            “Thank you, Thor.” I smiled genuinely as Moira got up behind me. I let myself embrace him for a moment and stepped back, nodding. “I should get these shoes off-”

            “ _There_ you are,” the door yanked open and Loki paced forward. “I finally finish before you and…what is going on in here?” I moved to walk toward him without thinking

            “Thor helped me practice in the shoes- _oh_!” Tripping over my own feet, I fell forward and three pairs of hands grabbed for me at once. “ _Ah_ , let go,” I shook everyone off when I felt three sets of emotions latching onto mine. “Just one,” I reached up for Moira and she pulled me to my feet. “I’m fine,” I waved them off before they could speak at once. Sitting, I groaned at my sore ankle and tugged at the ties of one shoe.

            “I’m glad Thor’s lessons proved  _valuable_ ,” Loki helped me get one heel off and then the other. Moira grabbed my original shoes.

            “It was fine until then.” I exhaled. “I think I’ll just carry these back.” I took my shoes and thanked Moira. “It’s late, you should get home.”

            “You must dismiss her,” Thor explained.

            “Moira…you’re  _dismissed_.” I pressed my lips together after my reluctant words.

            “Until tomorrow,” she bowed and touched my hand tenderly. “It’ll be fine.” Unsure of what she was referring too, I just nodded. I wished I felt as certain as Moira did.

            “Tell Faleen I said,  _hello,_  and I’m sorry for keeping you.”

            “I can escort you home,” Thor piped up instead and Moira didn’t refuse. I mouthed a  _thank you_  at Thor for that and for today before I smiled. “Brother, your betrothed has had a long, tiring day. Why not carry her back?”

            “Gladly,” Loki picked me up without warning just as Thor followed Moira out.

            “Can we sleep for two days?” I murmured into Loki’s collar and his chest vibrated with a slight chuckle.

            “Afraid not, sweetheart.” The prince replied softly. “We’ve much to do.” Inhaling the scent of my hair, Loki used magic to open the door to my room before setting me on my bed. Naaki meowed and immediately jumped up, despite his sound of annoyance.

            “Haven’t you seen her enough,” Loki glared at the cat now lying on my stomach, “I barely get to.”

            “Whose fault is that?” I let my head tumble against the pillows, exhausted, before my eyes closed. The bed shifted when Loki pulled the small heels from my hand and kissed my cheek idly.

            “You are all I think about,” he whispered in the dim light, tossing my shoes aside.

            “ _Mm hmm…”_  I cracked my eyes open and rolled over in my dress, Naaki adjusted and rubbed against my hand as I petted her. I heard Loki undressing to his underclothes and almost fell asleep before he picked up the cat, ignoring her claws digging into his hand.

            “You’ve had enough today,” Loki hissed and set her on the cat tree I’d gotten for her to scratch and climb on. Naaki circled the soft cushion atop it and faced away from Loki instantly, curling up to sleep. “ _Hmph_.” I reached to a rag and dipped it in a basin to wipe my face clean.

            “You both are getting along,” I yawned and tried to turn but Loki pressed me onto my stomach.

            “You will not enjoy falling asleep in this dress and corset,” he hurried to undo the ties along my back. The rag plopped to the floor when I let it go.

            “Just…watch me,” I earned a chuckle from him and adjusted so he could pull the garment off. Loki pushed me onto my back and hovered as I began to hike the dress over my legs. He leaned in but, I spoke before he could kiss me. “I’m tired.” Bracing himself on this arms, Loki stared down at me. “We barely spend any time together and then we fight when we’re together…and then it goes unresolved.”

            “We’re both under a lot of stress, let me help relieve you.” His leg nudged mine and I flinched, but then pushed myself up to kiss him. Loki came down with me, hands already tugging my green dress over my head. I closed my eyes and the world became fuzzy when Loki pressed his lips to mine. He noticed. “You’re falling asleep.” I was too tired to pay attention to his desperate emotions.

            “Nope…I’m here.” I grabbed at his shoulders and we kissed for a few moments, my eyelids grew so heavy. I turned on my side so he could unclasp my bra, kissing my shoulder as he did. The damn covers were so soft and inviting, I succumbed instantly and the feel of his flesh on mine faded away.

** ** **

            Gasping to attention in the darkness, my dreams trickled from my brain when I felt for Loki instantly behind me. I touched his bare back under my fingers and exhaled, falling against the covers; no light had come into the room from the cracks in the drapes. He was surprisingly peaceful under my fingers. Rubbing my eyes to force my thoughts away, I exhaled and reminded myself that I was safe in my bedroom just as Loki hummed next to me.

            “Did…Did we have sex?” I whispered the first thing that popped into my head, pulling up the covers to see my naked body except for a pair of underwear.

            “ _Ngh_ …No…” Loki groaned tiredly. “We tried. You made… _valiant_  effort to pleasure me with your hand but ended up elbowing me in the neck when you paused to shift.”

            “ _Ugh_ …sorry.” I rolled over to bury my face in his chest when he moved to invite me.

            “During your slumber, when I tried to hold you…you kept flinching away so I left you alone.” Loki voiced then and I swallowed, feeling the emotions and truth of what he had already guessed about me. “Nightmares again?” Loki wanted to comfort me so badly. He wanted me so badly. I could feel that. And I wanted him. Just him. Not this place.

            “Bad memories.” I offered in return before his fingers shifted through my hair, idly playing with a strand. My hand moved up Loki’s neck and I felt a wave of frustration billow off him. I pulled away just a bit and relaxed against him instead before I hesitated.

            “I’ll be there in the morning…and so will you.” Loki breathed in the darkness of my small room. “Get some rest.”

            “I love you,” I confessed then and Loki’s feelings unfurled under my touch.

            “I love you as well.”  _He really did._

** ** **

            “Tighter.”

            I gasped.

            “More, tighter,” the tailor instructed before Moira tugged at the ties of my corset. Two ladies had painted my face while Frigga spent two hours taming and styling my hair. They perfumed my skin with amber oils after. Jewels were woven into the hairstyle as Frigga piled some thick hair on my head and allowed the rest of it to cascade down in bouncy, calculated curls. The ladies watched now as Moira was instructed by one of the tailors. Frigga was readying my dress with another tailor while I gasped out a little, hands pressing against my stomach. “I  _suppose_  that will do.” Her tone made me feel like trash. I felt Moira tying finally and tried to adjust myself for my next breath. I felt like an exotic animal to be paraded around.

            “Loki will be here soon to escort you,” Frigga touched my shoulder with her finely gloved hand. “Are you ready for your dress?”

            “Yes,” I gave a slight nod, staring at the mirror in front of me. I zoned out as they prodded and tugged at me. Tried not to focus on the emotions. The judging and lack of belief in me. Except Moira, she was worried but ever so certain. The skirts of the gold gown where massive with silk and tulle fabrics while two gold plates on each hip emphasized them. I knew why. The tailor designed it to show off the fact that I was meant for childbirth. She never said. But, I knew. I felt it. I also knew the big skirts made my waist look smaller. Gold lace sleeves fitted around my shoulders and stopped around my elbows. The bodice was structured to make my breasts look even larger than they already were and decorated with twirling designs. All in all, this was the most beautiful and obnoxious dress I’d ever worn. I was a beacon of light and hope for the future. A pretty, political piece.

            “There,” Frigga was fixing my curls over my shoulder. “You look beautiful and you’ll do just fine tonight.” They fitted two gold, metal bands around my wrists and one around my neck. They felt like shackles. “Best you put these on as well.” Tiny lace gloves covered my hands and I felt some relief finally. “Good luck, dear. Remember to breathe.” I wasn’t sure if I could do that properly.

            “Thank you.” I bowed my head, feeling the weight of the hairstyle and Loki was let in. He paused when he saw me, eyes scanning before he met my gaze and smiled. I didn’t react until I came back to myself when he took my hand to kiss the knuckles.

            “You look divine.” The prince looked stunning himself in his ceremonial armor, the formal green cape hanging from his back. Instinctively, my red lips split into a grin.

            “I must go, you can take care of this from here. Come, ladies,” Frigga ushered everyone out and I wanted to toss myself into Loki’s arms. But, I didn’t.

            “I’m glad you are pleased,” I stated instead, eyes dropping to the helm under his other arm. He still hadn’t let go of my hand and I didn’t want him to. “Can you help me into my shoes?” I faced the mirror again and his fingers left mine when he set his helmet aside.

            “Nervous, sweetheart?”

            “Out of place.” I uttered finally when he’d kneeled to set my shoes down. Loki froze and looked up at me instantly.

            “Out of place?”

            “I suppose I’m worried that all of these strangers are going to be staring and judging me tonight.” I watched Loki stand and take my arm to help me into the shoes.

            “They don’t exist.”

            “Somehow I still feel as if I don’t,” I confessed and Loki’s hand found my chin.  _Stress. Disheartened_. He wasn’t here either.

            “If this is still about me being busy, I-”

            “No, I don’t often like it but, I understand. I'm trying too. I know your father expects a lot of you, I just...wish you'd talk to me about it. Loki, you grew up in this world and I’m hardly meant for it. I just found myself and now I have to pretend to be this perfect, docile princess while also being a fierce warrior and a perfect lady… The people of Asgard already don't...like me that much. With Nerien and my old home. I'm not what they wanted for you. I just feel like I can’t go through this again…and I’m remembering things…terrible things from when I was young.”

            “Your mother is not attending and your father is long gone. He cannot hurt you anymore. He’s dead. You are all I want.” Loki’s thumbs rubbed circles into my sleeves when he took my arms. But, he wasn't dead.

            “Does that really matter when I am as well?” I whispered softly. “Try as you may…and I appreciate that Loki…I really do. But, I don’t think you fully understand what I mean. I wish you never do because it will mean you are as gone as I am. I say that I am dead yet, you see me here still talking to you. I want to be here with you but, I know I'm not at times. I'm just...stuck in clouds. It isn't fair to you and I'm sorry for how that must make you feel some days. I don’t know if I can be your little princess…I don’t know if I can be what Asgard wants when I’m finally finding myself elsewhere.”

            “And I cannot be less than a prince,” Loki swallowed, lips upturning sadly. “Yet, here we are…engaged to be married.”

            “I’m not saying I want out of this. I never will. I love you. I just…I’m afraid I’ll get bad again and I’m so afraid of hurting you. And I’m afraid we’ll never have privacy again after this all.”

            “I swear to you…I will make this right. For both of us. True, things were better before and if I could keep them that way…I would. We both just need time.” He kept saying that, I tried to fathom why. Loki touched an idle curl on my shoulder and his green eyes flickered up to my brown ones. I remembered the first time we kissed and the way is ran his fingers into my hair. I tried to pretend for a moment we’d gone back in time. That perfect time where it was just us and the stars.

            “We should have stayed there that night,” I voiced finally and he understood that sentiment completely.

            “We’ll go back one day.”

** ** **

            Horns blared when the doors opened and I clutched at Loki’s arm tightly, fingers gripping until they shook. Every head in the crowd looked at us. Candlelight caught my dress and illuminated it as we descended the stairs. Every time I shook, Loki held me steady. I was instructed not to smile too widely, just look ahead of me and make no eye contact with the crowds watching. Look dignified and royal but not too approachable. I was meant to be perfect for all. And I was. I walked through the room, so full of people, and knew somehow that I was ahead of all of them but I also had to pretend like I wasn’t. I’d been playing this game since I was just a little girl. I hated and feared that there was a tiny sliver of me that perhaps enjoyed it. The way I fooled these people.

            Odin watched me as Loki and I drew closer. I couldn’t read his expression. Frigga nodded encouragingly and it was Thor who smiled. Loki held me out at arm’s length so he could bow and held my hand as I made sure to bow lower after. When my ankles wobbled, I felt his hand grip me tighter. I came up and met Odin’s gaze. He seemed pleased. Loki helped me up the stairs and we stood opposite of Thor. The King was speaking and I focused more on my breaths as he invited a huge line of nobles and what not to come up to greet us. Many brought gifts and complimented me.

            “You look like a star,” they’d say.

            “Such fine, shapely hips,” others would add. “You will give the prince many strong heirs.”

            “Thank you,” I’d always say without gritting my teeth. “I’m very lucky to be accepted here.”

             _Look at me mom, I’m perfect._

_Are you proud of me?_

_Everything I did was for you once upon a time._

_I’d found another house to be perfect for._

More people came and went as I smiled through compliments and crude comments alike. I’d been doing fine until a woman, not much younger than I, with big blue eyes and blonde curls slipped next to her father and fell to her knees. On instinct, I kneeled down to help her and froze when I realized my mistake. Everyone was looking at us. At the future princess kneeling to someone beneath her station. Loki cleared his throat behind me the girl blinked her wide eyes at me in awe, our hands locked. I wondered briefly what she felt like. Nobles turned up their noses. I could practically feel Odin narrowing his gaze just a foot behind us and it was Thor who stepped forward to pull us both up.

            “Forgive me, your highness,” the girl’s face was so red and Thor kindly assured her father it was no issue before anyone went on.

            “I’ve fallen on the stairs plenty of times,” I spoke quietly before she shrunk back. “Are you all right?”

            “Yes. Please forgive me, my lady…” She bowed low to me and I felt Loki’s fingers wrapping around my elbow to tug me gently back into place.

            “Forgive my sister for that clumsy  _display_ ,” a loud voice chuckled above everyone as we resumed. I watched the girl shrink behind her father as Rolff came forward and my chest tightened. “Rolff of house Eklund.” He bowed to the King and reached for my hand."I believed we've met. I ask for a better introduction." My lips twitched, but I lifted my arm for him to kiss my covered knuckles. Pressure mounted. Revolted that I'd let him touch me, I swallowed hard. His eyes lingered on mine then to Loki behind me before we let go. “Such a pretty  _addition_  to your house.”

            “We did already meet,” I blinked once at his smirk.

            “We’re lucky  _she_  has decided to join us,” Thor didn’t do much to mask his disdain even when Odin shot him a look. Loki had been quiet and stone-faced for most of this event.

            “Just as well, I do hope you’ll save me a dance, my lady. Make up for my display earlier.” His family bowed once before departing as the next group came up. I felt them all staring at me. The princess who showed weakness in front of everyone. Loki’s hand found the small of my back and I tried to focus on my breathing for the rest of this. But, my heart leapt when Odin announced the dance and Loki pulled me out with him. Everyone parted for us, the crowd making a large circle. The music began and he bowed before I did lower once more.

            Loki led and I followed him, like we were dancing in a fairytale but the reality of all this felt less than beautiful.

            Green eyes stayed trained on me the entire time and I swallowed as we turned, my skirts flaring out. People whispered around us and I wanted to bury my face in Loki’s chest. As we stepped back, I felt myself stumble but Loki was quick to pull me to him.

            “Thank you…” I breathed while we spun around, my big eyes focusing on his.

            “I won’t let you fall,” he whispered to me. “You look very beautiful.” I felt myself hold to him for dear life. I wanted us to link hands and run away from this dream. This perfect palace. It was the opposite of my abusive home and yet, it wasn’t what I wanted still. I wanted the in-between of these two frightening extremes. As we moved, I found my gaze lifting to the royals when I realized Odin was looking at me. Not at us. Just me. Observing me as we locked gazes. He wasn’t impressed by my display earlier but, I couldn’t tell what he thought now. As the music came to a close, I pulled myself back to stare at Loki. He bowed and then I did. People clapped and Odin ushered for another song to begin.

            The festivities picked up as attendants served food and drinks at a massive table. I only spoke briefly with friends until an older man asked for my hand. He was respectful and spoke only of politics. The next was a young soldier, too nervous to let his hand fall low on my back. I could still feel every damn gaze in the room. Elisif’s son, Nazir, was the best dancer, he spoke of his mother and we talked about healing until the next song. I wanted to dance with my friends but I was certain I wasn’t supposed to. I met with a group of older women who spoke of childbirth and I pretended that I knew what I wanted. An old veteran asked for my hand and by that time, I’d grown weary yet, sickly comfortable in my role. I smiled and nodded and danced to everyone’s content. Then, Rolff asked for my hand. I swallowed my disgust and again, Odin was watching me.

            “If it pleases you,” I gave Rolff my hand and he led me away.

            “Yes, it would.” He smiled at me widely. Rolff was handsome to others, I suppose, with a broad frame and thick blond beard. It made me sick. People desired him because he was fair and semi-attractive to the eye. I wanted to set his hands on fire when they touched me, pulling me closer than I liked. “Shaken little princess, aren’t you?” His hand gripped mine tightly as he led me. “I’ve known many women like you. Just need a firm hand is all.”  I couldn’t tug away from him even when I squirmed as we danced. Fire grew within my stomach and I wanted to scream.

            “Your noble reputation already precedes you,” I smiled instead to mask my discomfort. Odin was watching and I wanted so badly to please him. I also knew that my actions tonight reflected on Loki. But, I set a trap for this man anyway. I needed to know. As I held to his shoulder, I used magic to make my little glove slip off. “ _Oh…oops…_ ” I breathed coyly, brow furrowing in a way that made me seem innocent, and he kneeled in front of me to grab it. I stared down at the top of his head and wished I could lift my foot to drive my heel into his skull.

            “Allow me, little princess.” He stood, looking a sweet prince himself.

            “I’m not a princess yet, I’m afraid.” I let him take my hand and almost vibrated at the contact.  _Violence_. I felt so much of it.  _Women screaming. Pride._  He enjoyed it. Images flashed and I went stiff.  _Do not cry_.

            “It shall be our secret then.” He slipped my glove back on and kissed my hand once more. I wanted to claw his eyes out. “You can be my little princess for now. We will meet again. Soon hopefully. My display in the healing room doesn't reflect me. Just hungover is all.”

            “I’m sure.” Devoid, I stared at him and smiled sweetly, but almost stumbled back after our contact. His firm hands tightened on my waist. Across from us, Thor and Loki were whispering heatedly before Loki pushed at Thor, ushering for him to go. The elder prince nodded and as the song ended, he appeared in front of me.

            “I’m afraid I must pull the lady away for this next song, if she’ll have me?”

            “Yes,” I stared at Rolff for a lingering moment before I looked at Thor.

            “Prince Thor, you’re looking well. Do tell me, where is that pretty friend of yours?”

            “Lady Sif is certainly far too busy to entertain anyone beneath her at the moment,” Thor’s smile was charming and Rolff grinned in return. He leaned closer to the prince and his voice dropped.

            “You’ll find that I’m rather good with  _persuasion_.” Rolff’s tone shook me and if I hadn’t set my hand on Thor’s wrist, I know he would have punched the man in front of everyone. I wish I let him. “I shall leave you two be.”

            “Dance with me,” I muttered, pressing Thor’s hands on my waist as I took his shoulders. “Punch him later.” Punishing Rolff wasn't enough for me. I would wait and want more. Sighing with force, I caught Loki’s stern gaze while I leaned near Thor’s shoulder a bit. The younger prince turned on his heel, tore his gaze away, and walked elsewhere. Loki held my hand earlier and didn't speak up once when comments touched my skin to burn it. “Dance with me.” I felt Thor vibrating with anger so I took his face in one gloved hand and forced his gaze to me as couples danced around us. “ _Here_.”

            “Loki sent me over to relieve you,” he muttered, moving with hard steps.

            “Why didn’t he come himself?” I couldn’t help asking.

            “He is not permitted yet. He’s already danced with you.” Thor explained and I exhaled sharply.

            “Since when does he follow every rule he’s given?” I pressed my teeth together, tense. _Since his father was here to impress_ , my brain replied.

            “My brother is trying his best to make this night well. Just as you.” Thor replied after a moment so I calmed.

            “I know… I’m just on edge. I need to get away from here soon.”

            “You and I both,” Thor agreed, looking up passed me for a moment. “Have you eaten?”

            “Drank some water, I can’t exactly feast in this outfit.”

            “Let’s find you something,” Thor touched my back to lead me off but we were stopped by King Odin himself. The crowds of dancers moved away for him to pass.

            “May I?” Odin pleasantly reached for me and I felt light-headed but took his hand.

            “Certainly, your majesty,” I watched Thor go with pleading eyes but smiled at Odin as he led me. Many stopped or slowed to watch us and I didn’t see Loki at all anymore. He left me to the wolves. I knew he was struggling and I wanted to be sympathetic. Empathy was my capability. Sympathy did not always follow.

            “You’re very good at what you do. However, the people are still skeptical.” Odin spoke and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “It isn’t you, per se. It is your background.” The commoner girl and the prince. The girl with traitor parents and the prince. The girl who may have loved a scheming elf just a little bit and the prince. “Kindness is inspired but, I’m afraid they want something more. Even if you have nothing let to give them.”

            “Queen Frigga is kind and good to the people.”

            “They also know of her power and fury in battle. As well as her strong background. It isn’t all your fault, my lady.”

            “I cannot share my power or fury, your majesty. We both know that.” I locked eyes with Odin and he nodded. “They might even think of me as mad. We don’t want that either.”

            “You spend much time shaping an image. That much is good. Unfortunate as well.”

            “This night is about getting them to ignore my background…as well as my other faults. I’m a symbol…” I turned with him and let him dip me before he spoke.

            “Just so. It is much more than that.” The King led me on and we stayed locked onto each other. “You know this as well.”

            “Yes.” I replied simply.

            “The next public sparring matches are coming up soon. You will take part to show what you need to and then pull away from being a warrior after. Not fully, but just enough.” The King’s words caused my stomach to drop.

            “Is that what Frigga did when she married you?” I asked quietly.

            “She did not require all this fuss. Forgive my words.”

            “No, I understand,” I spoke cordially as I followed his steps. “I’ve a complicated past and present, I suppose. I even utter Nerien's name, it's all gone.”

            “Frigga is complex as well, but not one person worries themselves with it. They know she is for Asgard. Always." Odin’s eye stayed on me carefully. He was unreadable with my gloves on. “My wife is powerful in ways that they cannot comprehend.”

            “More powerful than you?” I wondered aloud and he chuckled once at me as we paused, the song coming to a close. Odin and I stared at each other for a moment.

            “We don’t often get to speak. I should like to remedy that.”

            “If it pleases you, your majesty,” I bowed low and he nodded once. “I’m grateful for the generosity your family has given me. I hope to make Loki as  _happy_ as Queen Frigga makes you.” Odin chuckled again at me before his voice dropped.

            “I meant it when I said that you are quite good at what you do. Although, you need not keep up any pretense with me. I shall offer the same. Starting now, there is no deception between us.” Odin stared at me and I stared back.

            “Very well.”

            “We’ll speak more soon.” He turned and the people parted as I tried to seek out Loki nearing the dining table. My efforts were interrupted when I saw Thor speaking angrily and quietly with Rolff once more.

            “Oh, hell…” I noticed Rolff whisper something nasty before Thor lost it, grabbing the other man by the front of his clothing. People gasped and backed away from the prince’s fury so I ran forward without thinking, barely slipping in my heels. Thor yelled a profanity and tossed the man into the dining table, sending food everywhere as I got between them. “Thor, stop,” I pushed at him but Rolff was already trying to fight back. My hairstyle fell around my shoulders. I continued to push at Thor in his rage. Everyone grew frightened and I heard Odin yell as Frigga’s voice grew louder.

            “Enough!” She boomed.

            “Listen to your mother, Odinson, before you regret your actions!” Rolff fought around me and I used magic to force them apart with little avail.

            “Thor,  _please_ , listen,” I begged, grabbing at his shoulders while my heels skidded against the floor.

            “ _Regret_?!” Thor growled and spat. “I’ve slaughtered untold numbers! Tasted their blood! Bathed myself in it! I know  _nothing_  of regret!”

            “Brother,” Loki appeared at Thor’s side, “come out of here.” His voice was low and firm when he grabbed at Thor’s arm. Men yanked at Rolff just as the Warriors Three appeared to pull Thor away. Breathing heavily, I felt Loki take my elbow in my daze and glanced down at my dress. The magnitude of what happened set in. Food and tears framed the radiant fabric as hair spilled over my shoulders in messy curls. Too my horror, I realized the eyes were now on me. Thor was still snarling and Frigga tried to call the crowd back to attention. Mortified, I huddled closer to Loki and felt my eyes well up with tears. Odin’s face was the last I saw and he’d shaken his head at me. The doors closed behind me and I tried to run from the group only to fall on my knees halfway down the hall. My dress billowed around me and moonlight spilled in as I covered my face, smearing the makeup around my eyes. I stayed there on my knees, looking like a real princess while the light illuminated my form before I sobbed softly. Fandral reached me first, hands pulling me up by my shoulders. Sif joined to help in silence.

            “I’ve got you,” he let me bury my face in his chest as we walked. “The King will want to speak with you all.” I wrapped my arms around Fandral’s neck and glanced up at Loki. _I’m sorry_ , I wanted to say suddenly. He merely stared at me, pushing Thor along with Volstagg and Hogun, and I stared back. Loki did not try to comfort me so I did not try to seek it.

** ** **

            “I expected better out of all of you!” Odin boomed and I didn’t flinch, just standing there blankly between Loki and Thor in my messy dress still. The small room echoed and Thor shouted back with Odin retorting before he turned his attention to me. “And I let that incident with the girl on the stairs go. Perhaps some even found that  _charming_  but, you displaying yourself in such a way after the work we've-”

            “I was trying to stop them.” I whispered, hands clutching together.

            “You do not realize how hard we must work after your actions with that elf. I do not regret what you've done but Asgard does not share this common vision. Tonight was supposed to assist you. You! You made us look like fools! Made of fool of yourself in the process! My elder son already had that handled, it seems! And Loki, where were you?”

            “Do not yell at her, father,” Thor cut in first when Loki didn't try. “It is not her fault!”

            “You all are held accountable for tonight!” Odin shot back. “Your mother and I have to handle the damage now! I expect you, Thor, to apologize formally and you all will present your very best behavior for the duration of this year. No slips ups!” As Odin went on, I glanced at Loki. He stood back a step with his arms crossed, face turned elsewhere. He was furious.

            “I will not apologize to  _him_.” Thor fumed and I held myself behind him. "That man is a pig and gold or not, I know what he's done. He flaunts it and smiles and they all fall for the charm. But, I see it! Are you so blinded by your own court?!"

            “Father, surely there is some alternative,” Loki offered, biting the inside of his cheek briefly. “Just let the family stay longer, treat them well, and I assure you, all will be forgiven. It will be far better than any  _half-assed_  apology Thor will give. Show them some hospitality and we can all get on with our lives.”

            “I don’t want that piece of trash in our province any longer,” Thor growled. “I do not want the likes of  _him_ on our side.”

            “Silence,” Odin hissed. “Loki is right, steer clear of that man and we’ll fix this.”

            “My future bride has already won them over. Helping their daughter up in front of everyone. Dancing with that witless idiot.” Loki’s words surprised me.  _Sadistic idiot,_  I wanted to say. “Surely, that counts for something. We need all of these families on our side as you’ve stated before. Just give it time.”

            “Very well. For now, I want you all out of my sight until tomorrow when you’re presentable. We’ll meet them after breakfast and, Thor, you will at least be cordial.”

            “I’ll do it if it gets that man out of here soon.” Thor wiped some blood from his nose and turned on his heel, stopping when he saw me. “I will say that I am sorry you were involved in this. I’ve ruined the night we worked towards.” I looked at Thor and nodded. “Take care of yourself tonight.” I’d already sent Moira home for the evening so I exhaled and nodded again, too afraid to speak in front of Odin.

            “Make sure you’re cleaned up tomorrow,” Odin spoke after Thor left.

            “Yes, your majesty.” I held myself tighter. “Please let Frigga know that I apologize.”

            “That is appreciated.” Odin watched me turn, not waiting for Loki but, he followed after me.

            “Goodnight, father,” I heard behind me before Loki’s steps fell in stride with mine. “Come with me to my room.”

            “I’d rather go to mine,” I replied to the empty hallway ahead of me. “I want this dress off.” I had to resist tearing it to shreds as my heels clicked under me. We got into my room and Naaki merely watched us from her perch. Loki moved to unlace the back of my dress but, I pulled away. “I’ve got it.” I struggled and he merely watched until I used magic to tug out the ties while I stumbled and got the shoes off. I practically tossed my jewelry aside on the couch. I knew Loki could feel something bad in the air when I tore my gaze from him and got the corset off, leaving my chemise and stockings on before I went into the bathroom to clean my face. Black makeup smeared down from my eyes before I looked into the mirror briefly and lost it. Loki watched from the doorway. I picked up a bottle and smashed it against the mirror. Glass and lotion spilled against the sink. “ _Where were you?!”_  I wailed suddenly and he stayed calm. “You just stood there! The whole night, you just stood there!”

            “I had to follow protocol.” Loki’s empty tone infuriated me. Did he want to punish me for choosing Nerien over him?

            “You let them pick me apart, you let your father pick me apart. They've been doing it for years. When have you ever given a damn about protocol? You got into bed with the shy, poor _,_ peasant girl! You never cared about them once we had each other!” I shook with tears and angrily wiped them away. “I’m trying so hard but, I can’t do this, Loki. I cannot do it alone!”

            “We need-”

            “Time! Yes, I know! You keep saying that!” I rubbed my eyes. “But, all you care about is impressing your father and let’s be honest, he thinks what they do! I’m not worthy of this palace and I’m volatile and I’m not a little princess! Why are you trying so hard to impress this man at the cost of…what? Everything!” I stepped up but Loki’s anger finally reached him.

            “Do not speak of my father as if you know him,” he hissed coldly, facing me.

            “I know that this palace, while it  _promises_  to protect its people, has let so much crime and corruption fly by. I know this palace doesn’t address anything, just tries to ignore it after it happens. We’ve learned nothing! What peace we have stems complete lie and you know it!” I retorted, my bitterness coming to the front.

            “That is the nature of our world!”

            “Well, I'm not setting for that and nor should you! The nature of our world is in need of a change and I pray Thor does just that when he finally becomes King. The old ways are dead and Asgard probably could use a change for the better after  _everything_.” I whispered harshly and Loki’s green eyes lit up with fury.

            “I will not listen to you speak about things you know nothing of. You’re still jaded and fawning over that  _pathetic_  elf and his  _pathetic_  lies.” Loki leaned closer and I growled aloud when he got nasty.

            “You’re jaded that Nerien and his culture understood things eons ahead of us. And they were a mere few hours from here, thriving so easily. Ahead of  _you_. No knowledge for you to fill your voids. And perhaps, I am bitter that your father, our  _King_ , did little to resolve what happened. That he barely batted an eyelash when four murders advised him. We can’t go on pretending like it never happened. Speaking about it as if it’s a secret. Asgard thinks they can resolve its issues by not addressing them but I know from experience that it doesn't work! Gods are not allowed faults...but we have them. Deeply so. It was our fault and the sooner we own up to that and work so it never happens again, the better.” I pushed past Loki and tugged at my hair. “You just  _stood_  there, why? Have I really upset you so…or are you more worried about what your father thinks than us? What are you doing behind my back, Loki?!”

            “You’re being paranoid,” he breezed past me and I barely suppressed my scream that ripped up my vocal cords, overturning a table.

            “You will never say that about me again!” I raged, and he spun. “ _Ever_! You don’t get to talk about me like you know me now! You don’t get to invalidate my emotions! Everyone is trying to pass me off as a crazy woman but maybe, I’m just angry! Maybe I’m both! Either way, I think I’m allowed that much! Ever since Nerien and that...that book. You've been distracted and I see it.”

            “If you’re finished, I’ll leave you to your tantrum.” He turned his back but I went on

            “There you go again, tossing me aside effortlessly. What is wrong with you, Loki? A month ago, you would have taken me over your knee for this if anything. You would have stayed and we could speak through it. Where the hell is your mind?! Look at me!” I watched his back as he paced toward my door before I said something that I knew pierced his trembling heart. Something ugly when I stooped to his level. _"Thor defended me.”_  Loki’s heels skidded as he stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to face me, green eyes wide and bright. Furious.

            “ _What_ did you say?” He tilted his head, looking deadly, and I swallowed.

            “You heard me.” My chest caved with a bitter chuckle. “What’s worse, I’m not even saying it to hurt you now. I’m saying it because it’s the simple truth of the matter. He’s helped me these weeks, stood up for me, tried to help me fit in, and comforted me. Because he's my friend. It was supposed to be you. You're sneaking around and lying to my face. I wanted it to be you. So, I’ll ask again, where have you been? What knowledge is turning you against me?” Loki was in front of me in a flash, hands gripped my shoulders and tossed me against the bed roughly. _Yes._

            “I’m here now, damn it!” He gripped my jaw, forcing our eyes to meet. “I’m  _here_.” Breathing heavily, I felt his emotions and pure ferocity fill me.

            “Prove it,” I muttered indignantly and his hand gripped my neck, causing me to hold onto his wrist. Loki’s fingers curled around the covers next to my head tightly. “More.” I breathed and he squeezed my throat. I felt lightheaded and he ripped open the top of my chemise in a flash. We both heaved and his lust coursed into my veins before I pulled the chemise up over my legs. The thigh-high stockings stayed on when he writhed. Loki shifted to rip my underwear off. I whined and my thighs parted for him as his grip tightened on my neck. A whimper fell from my lips when I saw little spots and it was then Loki pressed two fingers into me. My legs bent as he got between them, forcing them to stay parted.

            “I’m here,” he whispered once more, thumb ghosting over my clit. His fingers pumped relentlessly. My walls squeezed almost painful and Loki’s hand pressed against my windpipe. Suddenly, he released me and I heaved for air while he hurried to pull off his clothing and armor pieces with magic. I choked silently and uttered another command.

            “Hit me,” I cried out when he slapped my inner thigh, bracing his hands against them and leaning forward to rub his erection against my entrance roughly. “Hit me somewhere else…” My breasts rose and fell as we locked eyes before Loki leaned closer. He caressed my cheek, staring down at me before he smacked me lightly. “Harder.” His cock slid fluidly along my opening, the tip nudging into my clit. The next slap vibrated against my face and turned my head to the side. My gasp brought life into my lungs. I gripped his shoulder, and raked my nails down his flesh. Loki moaned as I opened his skin and slapped me again. Dazed, I felt him trust into me hard and immediately begin moving, pain and pleasure twisted together. His hands forced my thighs up until they almost touched the bed.

            “Have… _ngh_ ….you always been this flexible?”

            “Harder,” I begged, “hit me.”

            “Your turn,” Loki hissed when my hand connected with the side of his face. He leaned over to double his efforts, fucking me hard into the mattress. I bit into his skin and scratched down his back roughly until he groaned into my ear. “Sweetheart…” He sputtered a curse and I felt my thighs bruising under his touch. His hips slammed painfully into mine, arching his back briefly. “Hold your thighs open for me. That’s it.” He smacked my cheek as I gripped just under my knees. My stomach was churning over with heat and I knew he was already close. Blood smeared against his lips. Loki kissed me hard. He attacked my neck, leaving marks before his hand slid between my thighs to pleasure me relentlessly. I cried out, tears falling from the corners of my eyes. He smacked me with his free hand and covered my mouth and nose with the palm. Eyes wide, I watched him gasp for air as the lack of oxygen sent my body reeling. I dug my fingers into my thighs and squirmed, arching up for him as he continued.

            “ _Mmmffff_!” My squeal muffled and again those black spots invaded my senses. Pleasure soared as Loki stroked me roughly, beckoning my orgasm closer. My lungs burned and Loki increased his pace, his body trembling.

            “Come for me.” I felt my body shut down at his command, everything seizing up as I climaxed. Loki let me breathe and I gasped out to force air into my lungs, my walls squeezing his shaft until he succumbed. Overly sensitive, I felt him continued stroking me, keeping me into the cloud of pure pain and bliss until he was finished. Loki’s head fell against my neck as I release my legs to hold him to me. His back was inflamed and red with welts. My own face throbbed with heat and I trembled under him while he gasped for air. Loki rolled off me, we both stared up at the ceiling and I went numb for a moment. He turned to face me and I found my hoarse voice.

            “I’m here…” My throat was sore. The prince got up briefly and grabbed a bottle of wine, popping it open before he rolled back into bed. I pulled myself up against the headboard with him, our shoulders touched as I stared down at my torn undergarments. Everything between my thighs felt warm and wet. Loki offered me the bottle. I gulped and held it back for him, the spice warmed my insides.

            “Is this what love feels like to us now?” He breathed, eyes distant.

            “Not always.” I drank once more as we switched off. My eyes lingered to my cat, sleeping deeply in her bed before I exhaled. Nothing fazed her. “It feels like a lot of things.” We sat there, drinking in the dim light. So oddly peaceful. Loki offered me the last as he stood up.

            “Can you walk?” He asked idly, turning toward the bathroom without bothering to cover himself. I got up on my knees and he paused to face me when I braced my hands on his shoulders.

            “You’re good,” I pecked his lips, “but not that good.” Loki smiled an honest smile and chuckled at me without tension. Sore, I forced myself out of the bed and took his hand.

            “Either way, it won’t do us well if those marks are seen tomorrow.” Loki sat me down and went to work with some healing ointment. I held my ripped clothing around myself. He inched the stockings down my legs and healed some red marks.

            “What if we left just a few?” I leaned forward to catch his gaze, causing him to smirk. Loki brushed my hair behind my ears and cupped my face, his hands going cool with magic to soothe me. He kissed my forehead and lingered as my own hands lit with magic to heal his wounds. I wanted to slide my fingers to his temples and hopefully unlock his secrets but decided against it. Everything I tried to read off him was fuzzy and I knew why. Runes. He didn't tell me about them. He wasn't telling a lot this month. "I cannot do this alone, Loki." I watched him hesitate, eyes lifting once more to mine.

            "I am here." He was sweeter when he lied. "I know this is difficult for you and I know it is not fair to you either. I will do everything in my power to fix things. Those people, they do not matter. They do not know you. They do not speak for you."

            "But, they are speaking over me," I confessed and he grew silent while I tried to make him understand. "I cannot pretend to stand with them without action. Since my house...since Nerien... I've been so afraid to stand for my thoughts. To stand up for others who need me. But, I am hurt and angry and hopeful. I cannot be silent any longer. I cannot watch Asgard make the same mistakes over and over again." I knew Loki's thoughts were elsewhere by his tone.

            "Nor, can I. Trust me to set things right when the time comes." We shared a beat and I sighed. "Come with me." Instead, I let him kiss me silently before we got into bed and slept soundly into the early hours of the morning.

** ** **

            “How do I look?” I paced down the hall with Fandral in my maroon gown and adjusted the bronze metal piece around my waist. “Moira should be meeting us up there.”

            “Ravishing. Although, I wonder if you’re trying to impress someone,” Fandral replied evenly.

            “I’m trying to impress everyone. I thought that was the point.” I raised one eyebrow at him. “Moreover, if this doesn’t go well, I fear Thor and Loki will…” I trailed off when I heard a commotion down the next hallway. Wind blew in from the overcast sky outside.

            “I’m just saying to back off of her,” came Loki’s voice.

            “It isn’t my fault you’re not around to help her. She’s my friend and obviously I’m doing what you cannot- _argh_!” There was a bang just as Fandral met my gaze and my stomach dropped all at once.

             “Damn it…” I picked up my skirts and raced after the warrior. It came as no surprise that we happened upon Thor and Loki dueling in the middle of the hallway.  _Don’t get involved_ , I told myself. Fandral tried to approach but was sent back by a gust of magic when Thor and Loki clashed.

            “Idiot!” Loki raged.

            “You’re letting your jealousy cloud your judgment! We must stand together!” Thor retorted.

            “Says the hotheaded brute! Everything was fine until you forced your way in! You're not healing anything!” Loki shot a blast of energy but Thor grabbed him by the shoulders.

            “Stop it!” I called, looking helplessly at Moira when she appeared behind me, tugging my arm back.

            “I’m doing a better job than you!” Thor went on instead and Loki growled as they struggled.

            “We do not want or need your assistance!” They went on while I tried to call them back and Fandral merely got shoved away again. Unable to help myself, I charged and grabbed at Loki’s shoulder at the same time he reeled back for a punch. Suddenly, I was knocked into a daze and ended up on the floor a few feet away. My cheek throbbed and I heard Moira gasp so I shook my head and came back to myself. Thor and Loki had both froze to stare down at me in shock before I tasted blood and coughed some into my hand. Moira touched my shoulder and asked me something I didn’t catch because I realized Loki’s elbow had clipped me hard in the face. “I…” Loki’s eyes darted around, brow furrowing with deep sorrow before he found his rage once more and sent magic at Thor. “Look what you have made me do!”

            “You did that on your own!” Thor charged back and I merely blinked at them as Fandral dove into the fight.

            “You hit her!” My friend raged, sending hits into both brothers. Thor fell backwards from the combined forces of Fandral and magic, his shirt torn before Fandral sent his fist into Loki’s jaw. Blood dripped from my lip and stained my dress before I caught it on my hand. “Don’t you ever! Ever!” Fandral lost it and tried to fight Loki before Thor yanked him off.

            “Enough, my friend.” Thor’s gaze flickered to me, shame etched into his face.

            “It was a mistake! I didn’t see her!” Loki turned to me in the floor and brought himself up on his hands and knees. “I didn’t…I didn’t see you… I’d never… You know I’d never…” Fandral was bucking against Thor to get back at Loki, kicking his legs up. Loki had crawled toward me, his hand hovered but I merely stared at him blankly. “It was an accident. I didn’t see you.” I felt Moira’s fingers curl around my sleeve protectively when my stare dropped from the green eyes filled with regret to the crimson blood dripping on my hand. “Sweetheart-” I cut Loki off by smearing the blood against his mouth and chin, wiping my hand across his face gently. I felt so much remorse within him. Nothing new. His eyes went wide and I blinked at him like I’d just sent him a message.

            “I’d like to go back to my room now,” I spoke in a daze. “I’d like to see my cat.” Moira helped me to my feet and we turned around just as Odin’s voice boomed.

            “What is going on here?! I gave you all one task!” Behind him stood Rolff and his family. I pressed my hand to my bleeding lip. Fandral yanked away from Thor roughly to put himself between Loki and I when the younger prince stood up.

            “Thor, Loki, go to my chambers at once!” The King demanded as Fandral moved to take my shoulders.

            “She needs the healing room,” he started to usher me away and Loki stepped toward us, his shoulders dropping before he swallowed and forced himself to obey his father.

            “My lady,” Rolff moved forward instantly, “allow me.” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and Fandral tried to lead me away but I tugged from him and came forward. My eyes turned to Odin but briefly. The people around me watched while I allowed Rolff to wipe the blood from my bottom lip and chin. I stared up at him until he smiled before I glanced at Odin again and the group behind him.

            “Thank you,  _sir_ ,” I tilted my head with big eyes, “that is very kind of you. Please, enjoy the rest of this day here with your family.”

            “Certainly,  _little princess_ , take care of that pretty face.” He kissed my hand, feeling of triumph before I curtsied to him and then to the King. I couldn’t read Thor or Loki’s stony expressions while I held my dress up and turned to go. Fandral and Moira trailed after as wind picked up, blowing through my hair. My curls bobbed with every step and I stared ahead of myself with my chin up.

            All I wanted to do was toss my head back and laugh hysterically.

             _All is fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two up next! Thanks everyone!


	22. Penultimate: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued from last! The Lady takes matters into her own hands with consequences. Loki gets what he wants with eventual bigger consequences. Asgard is a Mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for rape mention, violence, and death.

            “There, that should fix you right up,” Nazir rubbed some healing ointment on my face for me. He felt worried about something. Fandral hadn’t left my side and Moira stayed behind me quietly.

            “I’m glad you’re staying with us for a while,” I nodded and he grinned at me.

            “Pity about that dress.”

            “Ah, I should get used to blood stains again, we’ve sparring matches coming up in a few days.” I shrugged, idle, feeling Fandral’s gaze.

            “Any idea who you’ll be fighting?” He asked then.

            “No, thought I’d wait for someone to challenge me. I just want to enjoy my time on the training grounds while I can now.” I replied evenly and Fandral spared me another glance.

            “Fight well then and as often as you can,” Nazir bowed his head before turning.

            “Thank you,” I nodded and hesitated before turning to Fandral. “You know I’m going to go speak with Loki after he’s done being yelled at.” He exhaled deliberately before I touched his hand. My spine tightened. He was just so upset. “That was brave of you, but I want to be with my thoughts for a while. Moira, you’re dismissed for the day.” I bid them farewell and walked down the hallway alone, letting out a breath to calm my heart. A little voice caught my attention before I paused and noticed the blonde curls just behind the pillar. Rolff’s younger sister poked her head out a bit before beckoning me over with her hand.

            “Here…” Her voice trembled.

            “Yes?” I approached quietly, leaning against the pillar she was on. “What are you doing here?”

            “Took a walk while my family enjoys tea with the Queen.”

            “What is your name?” I inquired then.

            “They call me Elise.”

            “Elise. Why are we hiding?” Wind blew in behind us, ruffling her bright blonde spirals just a bit around her face.

            “My brother-”

            “I’ve seen and heard a great deal of him.”

            “-has set his sights on you. The future princess.” She finished and I didn’t react, responding without missing a beat.

            “Who is to say I haven’t done the same?” I smiled at her expression. “Don’t misunderstand me. I’m onto your brother. People seem either find me more appealing on  _Prince_  Loki’s arm or loathe it. I’m not sure which is worse.” I stared down at her a moment. “You fear him.”

            “I shouldn’t speak of such things.”

            “Yet, you pulled me aside. I did some research on the nobles I’m to impress. I notice your brother makes most of the rules within your house.” I watched her nod just a bit. Briefly, I wonder if she stumbled in front of me on purpose. Pride swelled my smile for it. Elise searched me for an equal. I think she found it. 

            “My father is old and weak. Rolff is large and frightening.” Her hand on the pillar curled into a fist.

            “And you are small and strong.” I tilted my head. “Are you not?” Elise searched my face for a moment before she opened her mouth.

            “I wish my brother were de-” My fingers silenced her lips, staying there as I nodded. Elise did not cry, wide eyes glazing over briefly before drying with one blink.

            “I know,” I murmured, my hand shifting to touch near-white locks with the back of my knuckles. Her chest concaved with a breath before she went still, aquamarine eyes locking to mine. “You remind me of someone.” Calculating my movements, my fingers brushed her temples to absorb pieces of her soul. I saw violence and hatred and hopes and dreams. I saw tears and I saw when they stopped. I saw her shoving her fingers down her throat, bathing in scalding hot showers to purge her brother’s scent from her skin, and I saw moments of recovery. Her soul shook me, I almost lost my footing. She could be me. I could be her. We could be on similar paths.

            “Who?” Elise watched me blink when removing my hand from her skin.

            “Old friend.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

            “Surely, it must.” She folded her hands and glanced down before saying something else. “You still have blood on your dress, milady.”

            “Seems I’ve had a run of bad luck.”

            “That, I can understand.”

            “I’m sure,” I chuckled, my fingers touching the dried spots on my dress.

            “May I speak my mind?”

            “You’re asking me that now?” I watched her catch herself and smile before nodding. “With me, always. I’m over formalities.”

            “I came to the palace with the intention of asking to be your lady-in-waiting. I heard you have one who also works as a healer part time. I have all sorts of skills. I know your background, I could help you.” She spoke, cracking an actual smile, and I nodded. “But…I decided it was a bad idea.”

            “Why?” I breathed and she shuffled her feet, voice dropping.

            “I saw the way my brother gazed at you. Like the others.”

            “Others?” I remembered what Thor said and she stepped back. “Elise, what do you know?”

            “What they all know secretly.” She whispered softly. “He would have made me spy or used me to get you. When I met you, I got scared. But, I needed to…inform you. When we got tea, Queen Frigga pulled me aside near her garden and slipped your name into the conversation…said that perhaps we should converse some time.”

            “That does not surprise me.”

            “My brother is dangerous…but, I’ve realized that you are as well. When I saw you wipe your blood on Prince Loki’s face, I knew you were somehow.”

            “Elise?” A voice called and she jumped to attention. I took her wrist and pulled her toward the window.

            “ _Start laughing_ ,” I muttered and she looked at me for a moment but did so when I started giggling.

            “Forgive us,” I smiled sweetly, bringing some hair over my shoulder just as Rolff appeared around the pillar. “I ran into your sister on my way back and likely talked her ear off.”

            “Not on issue,  _sweetling_.” He grinned at me, eyes flickering to her. The glance was a frightening one I knew well. A  _we’ll talk about this later_  glance. “Father was just worried.” He put his arm around her shoulder, forcing her closer to him. Elise went as rigid as a staff next to him, eyes going blank.

            “You can tell him to rest assured.” I slipped my fingers around Elise’s wrist. She was begging me. “Would he mind if I kept her for a bit longer?” I tugged her behind me slowly while gazing at the taller man. He ran his hand across his beard, tension etching into his face. “I was enjoying our talk,” my hand settled on his chest to straighten his collar, “I’d be really grateful. We won’t be long, just a quick walk. I’ll get her back to your family in one piece.”

            “Yes, of course.” Rolff bowed his head and I stared him down until he stepped to the side. Calmly, I moved to pass him but he gripped my elbow and I felt Elise’s fingers clutch at my dress. I turned my head up to meet his icy gaze. “Until later,  _little_ _princess_. I’m eager to watch you fight during the spars coming up. See how you move.” Hunger seeped into the smile that split my lips apart.

            “I’ll have a good place saved  _just_ for you.”

** ** **

            “She likes me,” Elise giggled when Naaki jumped into her lap and purred. I came out from behind the ornate four panel room divider and adjusted my new grey dress.

            “She isn’t affected by much. Naaki was made to be a fearsome beast. From what I’ve observed she has that mindset, just in a smaller body.” I glanced at my face in the mirror, swiping my fingers under my eyes before I looked at Elise’s reflection and turned. “You should meet the men and women in the healing room some time. They’re kind people.”

            “I’m not sure how often I will get away from my family during this trip.” She replied from the couch.

            “Well, if the future princess invites you for tea…you’ll likely not be able to get out of that.” I smiled and she followed, nodding so I sat on my vanity stool and faced her.

            “I would like that.”

            “How far does your family live from here again?” I questioned.

            “Not too far. We’re staying at that luxury Inn just a few roads away.”

            “Yes, I imagine they’re full up with nobles now. Fine place.” I exhaled.

            “People speak about you often. Not just as princess but, of the events of last year.” Elise stated then when Naaki jumped off her lap to come see me and I sat up a bit after picking the cat up.

            “I’m sure they do. Not many good things I imagine, between both of those. I’ve heard a few rumors. I cursed the Elders to go mad with magic apparently.” I ran my hand along Naaki’s back. “Others thought Nerien got me pregnant. That one went away fast.”

            “Nerien?” She spoke. “Oh, that elf…”

            “Yes. Truthfully, I should really stop bringing him up. But, I have this a habit of holding onto people who impact me greatly. Good or bad. As if they’re still in the air around me to guard me somehow. Hard not to romanticize powerful people.” My eyes flickered up. “I shouldn’t keep you much longer.”

            “Yes,” she nodded before adding, “I’d like to know that story someday.”

            “Another time, I’m sure,” I stood and she looked up at me before following. “There’s something I need you to do.” Elise stepped forward. “Go to the Queen once more before you leave and tell her your wish to be my lady-in-waiting. She needs to hear it from you first if anything should happen later. Do not say I told you. Show her you're serious.”

            “I will,” Elise nodded without questioning me as I led her to the door and opened it. We both jumped at the person standing directly in front of us, prepared to knock.

            “Loki.” I observed him passively and Elise bowed.

            “Your highness.”

            “We need to speak,” Loki’s speech was hurried, eyes wide with something that was torturing him. “Now.”

            “I’m escorting my new friend out,” I folded my hands when his fingers clenched and relaxed. “You can wait in my room until then, I’ll only be a moment.”

            “Of course.” He swallowed and I paused once more.

            “Oh…Loki?”

             “Yes?” He stood taller, eyes expectant.

            “Don’t upset the cat.” I breezed past him, feeling his gaze on me when Elise followed. He wanted me to look back and I wanted to as well, but I didn’t.

** ** **

            “Loki-”

            “I need to speak,” he instantly came forward when I closed the door. “You know it was an accident. I need to hear you-”

            “Oh, I know it was.” I crossed my arms. “But, your petty fights and distracted mind are causing problems for me. I’m tired of it. I'm up against Asgard right now. I'm up against the court and your family. And you don't care.” Loki’s chest heaved before he tossed himself at me, falling to his knees to embrace my hips and press his face into my stomach. When I heard him sob, I exhaled and touched the back of his head. My other arm slid across his shoulders as I hushed him.

            “Just let yourself be angry with me. I know you are. Scream,  _anything_ ,” Loki peered up at me, looking utterly pitiful and my brow furrowed. I scoffed a bit and tore my gaze away to look out at the window while I ran my fingers into his hair.

            “Now you want me to get angry?  _Huh_ , funny…” I sniffed and felt him curl closer to me in response. “You and Thor both crossed the line today. You’ve been ignoring everything but your work until it comes time for me to impress your father…and then you ruin that. I’m trying to get through this and learn as much as I can.”

            “You’ve been perfect through all of this,” Loki’s fingers clutched at my dress, compelling my gaze down. I took his chin in my hand, my thumb brushed across his bottom lip and wiped a tear on his jaw. I felt so much sadness and regret swirling within him. So much desperation for something better to do or say.

            “And don’t you  _ever_  forget that.” I flickered my gaze across his reddened eyes and pried his hands from me. “On your feet, Loki.”

            “You cannot just leave me alone in this life. Or the next one.” He got up and stood there while I turned to sit on the couch.

            “Oh, I can.” I replied fondly. “I won’t. Loki, we'd survive without each other. We just do not want to. I know you don't want to lose me and I don't wish to lose you.” Tilting my head, I reached out to beckon him over. “Because, I love you. You love me. We deserve something better here and we both know it. We have to make it better ourselves because no one else will.”

            “I cannot take back what I did.” Loki sat and put his head in my hands.

            “No,” I shook my head. “You cannot.”

            “I regret it. I’d never strike you. I did not…I did not see you.” He inhaled and exhaled sharply to settle himself. “I’ve been distracted lately with all…in the palace. I will try to give you more of my time after this. I swear it.”

            “If I wanted to…I could set my fingers against your temple and try to unlock the secrets I know you’re keeping from me,” my words caused him to turn his eyes to me, something in them filled with worry but, he masked it well. I shifted to set my hands on the back of his shoulders, leaning in closer to his ear. “But, that would be a violation of our trust. Either way,  _someone_  put extra runes in his body to block more of me out.” I felt Loki tense as I rubbed his shoulders sweetly. “Thought I wouldn’t notice?”

            “I was just experimenting. I did not want to worry you.” He explained. I pressed him to lie down so I could lie myself on his chest. I merely hummed in response as Loki set his hand in my hair.

            “ _Oh_ , I know,” I drawled on, fingers tapping against his chest. "We both have secrets. Often too many." As calm as he seemed, Loki’s heart was beating quickly under my ear. “I told myself I’d never look too deeply into your soul and it isn’t because I’m afraid of what I’d see.”

            “Just let that anger out, sweetheart.”

            “I’m not angry. Not now.” I felt so oddly calm, like something had fallen into place and he touched my hair. Sharply, I brought my head up to look at his face, my gaze flickered sadly across it. “Do not ever betray me.” My chin came down to rest on him as he stared into my eyes.

            “I love you,” he touched my hair fondly, thumb skimming across my cheek. “I will live with my actions today, I can do nothing else.”

            “I know, sweetheart,” the corner of my lip turned upward. “But, love…is no excuse.”

** ** **

            “Ready, my lady?” Fandral adjusted his gloves and I flexed my fists. I’d still been trying to go without my gloves but my stomach clenched when I heard the crowds outside. I adjusted the simple sparing, leather armor pieces I was wearing and sighed.

            “Ready for this to be over.” I paused. “I have to ask-”

            “Yes, Loki and I spoke. I was angry and even more so angry that you weren’t.”

            “I’ve been busy.”

            “Too busy for anger?” He chuckled.

            “Princesses are not supposed to get angry,” I grinned, glanced at the other warriors getting ready behind us.

            “Well, you’re not a princess yet,” Fandral shrugged, “you’re still my lady.”

            “I’ll be that even when I’m a princess.” I nudged his shoulder when Sif approached.

            “I challenge you.”

            “Me?” I paused. “I was just going to spar Fandral.”

            “We’ve never sparred in this setting. Come, I think it’ll be good.” Sif grinned and I nodded after a moment. “You’ve been distracted this past year, I’d like to get to know you again.”

            “Very well,” I clasped my hands.

            “Fandral,” she spoke, passing us.

            “My lady Sif.” He replied fondly.

            “I’m going to end up in the healing room because of this, aren’t I?” I rubbed my face and chuckled aloud.

            “Sif is surprisingly gentle.” Fandral spoke and I peered at him.

            “Really?”

            “No.”

** ** **

            It wasn’t until I stepped out with my two smaller staffs, that I knew how much was riding on this. The crowd stood and cheered for us and I knew. I just knew. They all would be judging my performance. Their future princess.

            I felt their eyes and looked at Sif, always so fearsome, across from me. She handled two small staffs instead of one long one just as I did. Another warrior announced us before we bowed to each other and took stances. My fingers gripped at my weapons before I swallowed the lump in my throat.

             _I can’t do this._

_I can’t…_

            Sif and I both charged forward, sending and blocking hits before she kicked me backwards. We circled and I faked one way before lunging another to get a good hit in against her back. Sif recovered quickly and we clashed, eyes locking before she sized me up. I jumped backwards to keep her from striking.

             _Calm down_ , I told myself when something began building up along my spine. I felt it branch out like poison. People cheered. Sif grinned like a predator and we kept sending and blocking blows. She kicked up and I ducked before spinning to send my leg into her. Sif stumbled and managed to send me back hard so neither of us could send a winning blow. Frustration gripped me and I felt  _it_  again, seeping along my ribs and over my shoulders. My heart seized with panic.

            “ _Stop_ ,” I breathed like an airy whisper upon deaf ears. My eyes went a little wide at Sif but we kept up as I blocked her kick with little ease. People were shouting. And staring. And  _shouting_. I felt overwhelmed. Overstimulated. I felt the poison running down my arms and legs. Winding up my neck to squeeze the joy from me. Sif hit my staffs hard and sent one out of my hand so when she came down,  _instinctively_ , I grabbed her wrist. Our eyes seared into each other and she froze, brow furrowing at me in horror before her body arched up.

            “ _Ahh_!” Sif near-screamed and I gasped when she crumpled backwards a few feet. The warrior looked to be in excruciating pain while she held her arms and rolled on her side. Both of us breathed heavily and I stared down at my hands, shaken.  _I did that._  It was then that I realized the people around me in the crowd had gone silent.  _Perfectly_  so. I stepped back but got ahold of myself and ran forward toward Sif but a body jumped into my way.

            “Sif?!” I panicked but Fandral held his arm out to me, touching her shoulder with his other hand.

            “Stay back!” He barked and I gaped at him.

            “Is she okay?” I heaved for air. No one else had approached. They just stared in shock. Guards. Nobles. Warriors. The King. The Queen. And Loki. Everyone saw. And everyone was staring at me. I shrunk back further under the many gazes before they could close in.

            “What did you  _do_?” Fandral looked at me with accusing eyes and I stepped back further. He was so angry with me. “I thought you had control of your magic!”

             _“I do…”_  I whimpered. People began to stand and look down at me. I saw Loki trying to push his way down the stairs but, people were blocking his path. Fandral realized his outburst when he looked at my face and softened.

            “No, wait…come back.” He tried as I held myself, but it was too late. People began to whisper.

             _She used magic._

_She harmed a fellow warrior._

_Bitch._

_Look what she did._

_Take her in._

            “Don’t move,” A guard pointed his weapon and I panicked completely when people began to shout. Barely finding Loki’s desperate face in the crowd, I spun on my heel and began to run. I dodged a guard and used magic to send another back before I got out of the coliseum, sending vines along the door to buy time. I didn’t know where I was going, I just knew I had to run. I had to get away. I ran into the forest, branches scratched at my skin and clothing as I kept running. I jumped up into a tree, climbing higher and leaping into another. I heard guards pursuing. The King likely sent them after me. I remembered Sif writhing in pain and pressed my fist against my mouth, hot tears falling down my dirty face as I hid within the cover of a tall tree. Guards passed under me and I didn’t let myself breathe until they were gone. Slowly, I climbed down and looked around before stumbling another way.

            “Wait,” I voice caught me and I leapt into a defensive stance before Thor put his hands out to me.

            “Get away from me,” I hardened myself and kept my defense up.

            “It is all right, I just want to talk.” He eased.

            “Is…Is Sif okay?” I trembled and he nodded.

            “She’s fine, I assure you. Just a little caught off her guard… We all were. What happened in there?”

            “It was an accident,” I shook my head and lied. “Just my magic.”

            “I understand…you’re under stress.” Thor set his hands down. “It’s going to be alright.”

            “Is it  _really_?!” I shrieked and caught myself.

            “Yes.” He spoke pointedly.

            “I wish I was as sure as you,” I shook my head, more tears falling.

            “Come here,” Thor beckoned and I shook my head before he stepped forward.

            “ _Get back_ ,” my voice cracked before I sent up vines at his feet. Thor stepped over them cautiously and held out his hand for me. “I don’t  _want_  to hurt you…”

            “You’re in pain… You won’t hurt me. So as long as you believe you won’t,” Thor smiled at me, looking like the damn sun. “I’m your friend. It’s alright.” He whispered my name with so much belief and determination. “Just believe that you can do this. Come back with me and I swear I’ll stand by you. I swear it. It was an accident, I know this.”

            “What if I hurt you?” I blinked the tears from my eyes, hands up to him still.

            “I believe in you,” Thor was inching closer with his hand. “You must love and believe in yourself.”

            “Do you?” I watched him pause briefly. “Do you love and believe in yourself?” I already knew the answer.

            “Often, I can do nothing else.” Thor replied. “Take my hand.”

            “I could hurt you, like I hurt Sif.” I clasped my hands to my chest.

            “That will be a chance I’m willing to take for you. With you,” Thor’s hand was a mere foot from me. “You can do this.” I stared at Thor’s eyes, so certain, before I reached out to slide my fingers over his palm. Something calmed within me when I felt his certainty before I squeezed his hand. Thor smiled and nodded. “You see… It’s alright.”

            _“Thor,”_ I tossed myself at him, wrapping my arms around his torso and he held me, large arms around my back to grip me closer. I wanted to tell him the truth.

            “Come back with me,” he spoke, hands smoothing along my back. “Loki is worried for you. He’s out here looking as well.”

             _“Okay…”_  I nodded against his chest while large fingers smoothed against my hair. “I’m sorry.”

            “It is fine,” Thor eased, hands wrapping around my upper arms when I pulled away. He stared down at me and wiped the back of his hands along my dirtied cheeks. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” I nodded and began to smile but it was gone when our moment was ruined.

            “Your highness! Good, you have her,” A guard appeared, looking defensive and my internal organs clenched together within my ribs. “Over here,” he called before Thor could stop him. Thor’s hand tightened around my arm and I let out a breath. “Now step away so we can take her.”

            “Stand down!” Thor ordered and my heart hardened like Asgardian steel within my chest.

            “You  _tricked_  me,” I breathed, mouth opening in awe. “I thought you… For a moment, I  _thought_ …” I pressed my teeth together. “Let me go.”

            “No, this is not what you-”

            “Let me go!” I struggled and Thor tried to calm me, hands on my arms.

            “Get on your knees!” The guard called.

            “Shut up!” Thor raged before he tried to calm me again but I grabbed at his forearms.

            “You’re a liar! Let me go! I don’t want to hear any of this anymore! You  _tricked_ me,” I fought and the poisonous feeling  _charged_ up my body this time. “ _Liar_!” Thor opened his mouth but arched with a grunt suddenly as the pain caught him without warning. I felt him try to stay up but he dropped to his knees, muscles seizing while he gasped my name. I jerked away to stop, wanting to say sorry. Wanting to say I had no control. But, a part of me felt as if I’d done that on purpose. I felt sick.

            “She hurt the prince!” The guard called and I turned to run once more. Using magic to twist vines and trees along the path begin me. My breaths turned to short gasps and I ran aimlessly, my head pounded and felt light. I thought I’d faint but I climbed up a tree at the top of a dark, steep hill and hid. Ten agonizing minutes went by and no one who passed had found me. To lure them away, I used magic to shake trees far away from me and stayed silent. My body wavered with weakness. The overcast sky swallowed the forest in cold and darkness around me. When I was certain that everyone was gone, I got down and prayed Heimdall wouldn’t get them on my trail again. I stumbled along, bracing myself on trees until I found a tiny spring, the grassy area would have looked beautiful in the sun as trees surrounded it. I bent down toward the water to wash my face before I caught my reflection.  _Monster_. I splashed the water harshly before I stood.

            “It was an accident,” I stared up at the sky. “Wasn’t it?” I’d been dragged through the mud since this started and I’ve tried. I’ve tried  _so_  hard. But, I could scarcely do anything right. And Loki thought he was the disappointment. I chuckled aloud. I was tired of pretending I was something I wasn’t. But, I was so good at this game. I always have been. I could fix this. I felt that tiny part of me that would always love this. The sick thrill. I hated that this is the person I am and I hated that it might not be. Above all, I hated and accepted that I’d likely never know for sure. I just wanted my chance to stand up and feel like the brave hero I'd tried so hard to be.

             _You can take pain_ , Nerien once said, _and give it_. I’d taken a lot. I imagine I had even more to give. I closed my eyes, tears falling as wind blew through this peaceful place before I laughed again.

            “I should have gone with you, Nerien,” I cracked my neck.

            “You still have purpose,” his voice spoke in my ear. He was in the air behind me. Embracing me. “Mine was gone.”

            “I don’t believe that,” I felt him standing just behind me, back to mine. Imagined sites.

            “I am coursing through your very veins.” Nerien murmured. “You must do what you can. What is right. There is justice to be had. Lives to be saved. You brave, hotheaded, dangerous Asgardian. You’ve already set your sight on fresh prey. Soon even, your prince will need you more than ever.”

            “I’m not here at his convenience,” I replied, touching the key under my top.

            “No, but I am not the only one who can see that you are his only match.”

            “Thor,” I countered. “Their love for each other is one that I cannot fathom.”

            “And if Thor is out of the picture? Thor and Loki complete each other as if they are on different sides of the same coin. You and Loki stand on the same path. But, you see and know what he cannot.” Nerien chuckled. “Even still, Thor will bow for his love longer than you. You will be charged by yours much faster. You can make the decisions others cannot now. You’re already closer and you alone will have the key when the time comes.”

            “Why are you telling me this?” I stared at the spring in front of me, the frosted grass melting from where I’d frozen it.

            “Perhaps you are telling yourself.” Nerien paused. “You could not save  _her_  in the way you wanted but, perhaps there are ways of making up for such tragedies.” A bush rustled and Nerien’s voice grew quick. “Did you hear that?” I spun on my heel and he was nowhere to be seen. The bush jostled once more and I backed up into the trees quickly, getting behind one. I stepped back and realized I was on a steep hill too late so I fell backwards, my gasp catching.

            I rolled painfully and quickly down the dirt, hitting roots and rocks along the way. I tried to stop myself but merely was tossed backwards on my back when I heard a series of loud snaps. My ears rang before dirt filled my lungs and I wasn’t even sure if I screamed or went straight into shock when a series of rusted bear traps embedding themselves into my skin. My mouth and eyes opened wide and I heaved for air that couldn’t fill my lungs fast enough. One had closed around my right ankle while two more clamped into my left elbow and right shoulder. I couldn’t breathe in to scream fast enough.

            My skin tore when I tried to move and suddenly I came back to myself to cry out brokenly. I tried to struggle but they merely dug into my flesh and I realized they were attached to chains and embedded into the earth. _Help me_. I was pinned down completely. Birds flapped to get away. I looked up to the light seeping through trees at the top of the hill and saw Nerien’s tall shadow in my daze. I reached out and he was gone with a gust of wind. My right arm bent to feel at the metal in my shoulder and I choked back a sob. I couldn’t speak. Every movement jolted pain that fizzled up and down my body. My eyes closed and a branch snapped when I opened them, hands shaken and grasping for nothing.

            “Oh gods…” I felt myself shake with terror when a grey wolf stepped out of the shadows. A massive one. Bigger than any I’d seen. I held still, a sob creeping up my throat as it set its glowing yellow eyes on me. Finally, I was prey. It slowly advanced and stood over me so I looked into its eyes and readied for it to tear me apart. “ _Please._ ” It merely growled at me, saliva dripped against my cheek before it sniffed at my neck and then my hair. I felt its nose against my forehead as it took in my scent. My fingers dug into the dirt under me and blood stained my clothing.

             The wolf stared at me before it backed off and began to circle, sniffing me like it caught onto a scent. I saw multiple fetters around the wolf’s neck and ankles, most of them broken, and realized they were filled with magic. He began to dig into the ground and I noticed then that he was digging my chains free. I held still until I was freed and sat up, hissing in pain before I pried the trap from my ankle. It took twenty minutes to be free of the one on my elbow and another ten to get the last with magic. The wolf watched me the entire time, occasionally growling and then going calm. Once I was free, I tried to stand but he grew hostile again and barked. I stayed on my hands and knees and noticed other bear traps around me.

            “Who are you?” I breathed, tilting my head and the wolf inched closer to lap on the blood across my bare shoulder as my torn shirt fell from it. He nudged his nose under my side and got me on his back. I gripped the fur of his massive shoulders and touched the bonds. The ones on his ankles fell free when I used magic but the ones around his neck didn’t budge. They were more powerful than anything I’d ever seen. “I’m sorry.” I whispered, my body weak and going in and out of consciousness so he carried me off. I just hung there when he went faster toward the edge of the forest until I saw the palace in the distance. The bonds began to glow and the wolf whined before he ran harder to the edge and eased me into the grass. He stared at me and I stared back from the ground before he tossed his head back and howled toward the sky.  _Magnificent_. I blinked and then he was gone as if he dissipated into smoke.

            Rolling onto my side, I faced away from the palace and couldn’t get up. Breathing softly, I didn’t know how much longer I’d laid there before someone turned me over, their voice soft. Elise gasped my name, her brow furrowing with worry as she whispered and took me into her arms.

            “They’re coming for you…I got here first,” she swallowed, “if you’re awake, they will take you before the King.”

            “The giant wolf…did you see it?” I sputtered in a croak, eyes darting around before she found her voice.

            “You need the healing room.” I stared up at her for a moment before my hand inched along the ground until I found a rock. My fist closed around it before I offered it to her weakly. Elise stared, nodding before I turned over. I heard a commotion of people near the palace before the hard chunk of earth knocked against the back of my skull and sent me into the dark. _Perfect._

** ** **

            My scream tore me from sleep, body jolting up in a bed. The pain was gone and I found myself staring at Odin, alone and sitting across from me calmly. I breathed heavily for a moment and realized we were alone in a chamber attached to the healing room.

            “You gave us all a start with your display,” he stood and I pulled back my pale pink nightgown to touch my unscarred shoulder. It looked as if nothing had happened.

            “Healed so I still look pretty in gowns,” I chuckled, high pitched and bitter before I shook my head and swallowed. “…Are Sif and Thor alright?”

            “Sif is fine and my son was never not.”

            “Couldn’t tell. He was on his knees last I saw him.” I stared at Odin. “That’ll be something I’ll never be able to do to him again I suppose. I did merely catch him off-guard. But, still. Bet the guards who saw were paid well for silence.” I tilted my head when displeasure flashed across his face.

            “You’re very lucky.” Odin touched the headboard of my bed when he came toward me. “Where it not for Frigga and Loki vouching that this was merely an accident of magic, you’d be in deeper trouble. We both know what this was. Not normal magic. But, these new abilities you're failing to hide. I do not think you wish to hide them.”

            “Perhaps, I don't. I'd be like your youngest son. Delving deep into tomes to figure my capabilities. Right?" I watched Odin stare before I changed the subject. "Where are they now?”

            “I sent them away,” Odin replied gently, “I wanted to speak with you first. That noble girl relayed in interesting tale, we found her cradling your bloodied body.”

            “Elise found me and saved me,” I spoke and he nodded.

            “I heard you were rambling about some large wolf you saw in the forest.” Odin began but the doors burst open and Loki paced in. “I told you to wait.”

            “You’re awake,” Loki instantly came to me, taking my shoulders. “Don’t ever run off like that again.” He touched my face and I felt curiosity and need as he checked me over carefully. “You were practically torn apart when I saw you.”

           “I’m like that most of the time,” I smiled like I was drunk before I touched his mouth, thumb tracing along the bottom lip. “So don’t worry.”

            “Loki, outside.” Odin cut in.

            “I need to ask her, father,” Loki begged. “That girl spoke of the wolf. I think it’s him. It’s Fenrir.”

            “You cannot see him either way, Loki.”

            “Father-”

            “No!” Odin stated sharply. “It is forbidden. We all made that deal and we must abide by it.”

            “I know!” Loki closed his eyes briefly. “I just need to know if…did he look well?” He stared at me and Odin shook his head.

            “Fenrir…I thought that was just a story.” I blinked at them.

            “It is now.” Odin touched Loki’s shoulder but, his son shook his head.

            “I created him and gave him up…for the better of Asgard. Long ago, in secret.” Loki spoke. “I was young. He was good, but they did not believe it. They bound him to the forest. Far from here. But, you saw him. It had to be him. Grey, glowing eyes.”

            “Yes,” I stated after watching Odin shake his head behind me. “I think he smelled you on me. Your scent may have saved my life.” I touched Loki’s shoulder. “He looked alright. Strong and healthy. He didn’t forget you Loki.” Loki’s eyes watered when he smiled.

            “Good. Good.” He bowed his head, touching my hair. “Can I stay with her?”

            “Very well,” Odin smoothed his hand over Loki’s shoulder. “Give us one more minute then you can take her to her room.” Loki hesitated but left the room after casting me a glance.

            “One day you must learn to make choices for the better of all and not the few.” The King spoke after a beat and I peered up at him.

            “Deception is not how I will get there, my king.” I stated in an even tone. “Lying will get me far in many aspects and perhaps improve things for the few, but it is not how I will make things better for the all. You want to lie and tie it up to create peace? No. No matter how you try to hold them together, they will not stay. Nerien taught me that when he…when  _we_  took down your first Elder Council. Perhaps, one day I'll get the chance to make things better for all. First, I have to step out and show myself. All of me. It will burn at first, I imagine. For now, I'll work from shadows. But, I may never have to make choices for the all, I am not Queen. How hard is it for you, my King, to put others above your family in the name of Asgard?”

            “Harder than you will ever understand. In truth, I should envy you.” Odin replied, eye blinking. “But, you and I are in the business of living with our choices.”

            “Yes, we are.”

** ** **

            Loki rolled over onto his back next to me in bed. I watched him breathe softer, moonlight streaming in to illuminate his pale form. I wanted to run my fingers along his skin but, I merely watched him and sat up. Naaki had curled herself above us on a pillow and wheezed quietly, opening her eyes when I moved. I put my finger to my lips and got up, retrieving a robe to cover my nightgown. Sighing, I grabbed a towel and slipped on shoes before going outside, walking the dark halls.

            After leaving the healing room earlier, I still felt eyes on me but no one dared to say a thing. Whatever Loki and Frigga had done worked, for the most part. Sif approached and tried to figure me out as I apologized to her. She didn’t believe me, but she stopped pressing the matter.  _Your eyes had turned black_ , she’d said. I chuckled at the thought.  _Damn you, Nerien_. I wondered if Thor saw the same thing. Probably. Fandral approached too with words of regret. I accepted them. He was just protecting someone he loved. From someone else he loved.

            I walked down to the empty public bathhouses in the palace. A place I’d never used in my days. Heat rose up from the many different pools when I found a small one and slipped off my clothing. The water soothed my muscles as I eased in up to my neck. I breathed softly and settled my head against the rim.

            “Pardon,” I heard before I spun to see Thor standing there, looking grimy from the training grounds. I grabbed my towel and covered my body with it in the water, soaking it. The water bubbled with heat.

            “I should go-”

            “No, stay, I won’t…” Thor undressed and I glimpsed his body but looked away when he got into a pool just next to mine.  _No wonder Loki was angry._  “I’ve never seen you in here before.”

            “I figured it would be the only place no one would look for me.” I looked at the water. “What are you doing here at this hour in the morning?”

            “Late night training turned into early morning training.” Thor explained and I let out an entertained breath.

            “Thirsty for battle, I see.”

            “Yes,” Thor didn’t hide it. “Thirsty for a real challenge.” His arrogant tone made me laugh finally.

            “Sounds like you.” I paused. “I didn’t mean to hurt you earlier.”

            “Yes, you did,” Thor replied and I turned my head to look at him. “You were upset. I would have lashed out and done the same.”

            “I suppose I paid for it when I ran from you.” I rubbed my shoulder idly.

            “Old traps are littered throughout the forest.” He exhaled in the water and washed his hair.

            “You like killing.” I said then and Thor paused, hands scrubbing his scalp. He didn’t turn toward me as I watched his muscled back, water droplets running down it. His body was pleasing to the eye. More so for others I imagine.

            “I enjoy the thrill of battle.”

            “I’ve seen you. Covered in blood and flesh and whatever else…and aching for more at the heart of it without any regrets.” I smiled idly. “Such a sight.” Thor chuckled and glanced behind to look at me briefly. “Are you going to miss being just a warrior when you’re king?” That caused Thor to pause completely. “You think of it often? Who will take your place? Who is worthy?”

            “Yes. I do.” He replied evenly, resuming his bath. “Asgard needs me.”

            “You ever wonder what it would be like if you were not the heir?” I swallowed. “If you had a brother older than you to resume duties as king?”

            “No, in truth. Though I do wonder how Loki would have handled it. He might enjoy the politics of it all for about two days until he got bored.” We both laughed at that. “Why do you ask?” I smiled and shook my head, shrugging merely before I lied to my friend.

            “No reason. Just wondering,” I rang out my towel and dried it with a spell. “Turn away for a moment.” Thor looked amused and did so before I got out and dressed, watching the back of his head as I did. Using magic again to dry myself quicker, I slipped my robe on and closed it. “I should go, my cat has likely gotten comfortable on Loki’s chest while he’s asleep. Can’t miss his face when he wakes to that.”

            “Let me know how that goes,” Thor ran his hand down his side to wash his body and I smiled in return.

            “Absolutely, I will.”

** ** **

            With Loki still asleep and the sun rising steadily behind the curtains, I crawled atop the covers to get closer to him. Hovering on my elbows, I watched him breathe with the fondness of an old woman sitting beside her last sunrise. Eyes taking every bit of this beauty in. Wishing I could share it with others, but also claiming it for myself. Naaki was indeed curled just at the base of his ribcage, content with her spot. I kissed Loki’s bare shoulder and caressed his cheek, setting stray hairs back into place as I shifted.

            “Time to get up,” I roused him a bit. “Moira will be knocking any moment and you’re technically not supposed to be here.” He scrunched his face a little and turned his head away, causing me to laugh at that.

            “ _Hmm…_ ”

            “Alright, you asked for this then,” I clicked my tongue to get Naaki’s attention, beckoning her up toward Loki’s face. “Good kitty.” She licked his chin and pawed at him a bit, her squeak of a meow falling upon deaf ears. She hovered her paw by his nose and smacked him after a beat, causing Loki to jolt his eyes open. I snickered when he caught sight of the cat and groaned, rubbing his forehead. Naaki began to sniff and lick his chin before he grumbled something and set his hand on her head to push her back. She then feebly attacked his hand, closing her arms around the palm and biting into his flesh. Loki let out a grunt and shook her off as I buried my face into the pillows.

            “Damn you.” He mumbled so I finally picked her up and cuddled her to me.

            “You think it’s cute when I do that,” I smirked lightly and he rolled over.

            “You’re rather positive for someone who recently got tossed through a mess of bear traps and just barely got out of being taken before the King for attacking fellow warriors.”

            “I have you and Frigga to thank for that… I bet they’ll all be too scared to even bring it up,” I wanted to laugh. “Positive isn’t the word I’d use.” I touched Loki’s hair, finger’s inching toward his temples. “Would you like to talk about Fenrir?” He paused and shook his head without turning. I saw images of Loki as a younger man holding a small pup. Happy. Then crying while guards held him back. The pup torn from his arms and taken away, yelping for help.  _What if he doesn’t remember me, Thor?_ Loki accepted his brother’s warm embrace, resentment pooled within him.  _Father, please?_  I faded out a bit and took my hand away to smooth it over his back.

            “What word would you use?” Loki stated instead and I hummed to myself, Naaki crawled out of my arms and hopped off the bed.

            “Rejuvenated.”

** ** **

            “I need to speak with you,” Faleen cut me off in the hallway.

            “Faleen, don’t-” Moira began from my side.

            “No, I need to speak with you for a moment.”

            “Yes, of course,” I paused. “Moira, I’ll meet you in the healing room. Tell Frigga I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She hesitated, but kissed Faleen’s cheek before we moved aside into an empty room.

            “Look, I know you’re going through something,” she began, “and we are all behind you but trouble seems to find you. Leave Moira out of it.”

            “Why do you think I’ve asked her to stay on in the healing room?” I replied. “I don’t want her into trouble any more than you. I can’t force her to do anything, but rest assured I’m doing everything I can to protect those around me.”

            “Then why is that noble  _shit_  snooping about the healing room?” Faleen crossed her arms. “Scoping ladies out, harassing Elisif and the men in there…he asked me where my little girlfriend was. If he touches Moira, I’ll-“

            “I know, his family is staying longer due to what happened earlier. About half the families have left. Is Nazir still watching over everything?”

            “Yes, him and your Queen.”

            “Good,” I swallowed. “Have you met his sister?”

            “Briefly, the Queen showed her around. Skittish one, she is…” Faleen paused. “I don’t think I need to point out the obvious in her relationship to her brother.” I sucked in my cheeks at that. “There were others, weren’t there? I’ve heard the rumors.”

            “What would your King have done about that?” I asked then.

            “Well, he certainly wouldn’t be walking about with that smug expression on his face.” Faleen chuckled. “He may not be walking at all.”

            “It’s good to know some places are getting with the times.”

            “Asgard is a step or few closer. But, the tension here is rising.” She shrugged. “I know Moira and I don’t want her getting hurt.”

            “Neither do I,” I nodded. “Why do you say a step closer?”

            “I heard the story. About you. The Elders.” Faleen smirked slightly when I looked at her. “That is why I approached you now about this.”

            “Fair enough.”

            “Do you regret it?”

            “Not one bit.” My answer wasn’t reluctant and Faleen almost smiled.

            “You see,  _that_  is why you also make me nervous.”

** ** **

            Lunch wasn’t as awkward as I thought I’d be. People laughed and life went on. I smiled sweetly and spoke with nobles while Loki kept his hand on the small of my back, steering me around. I almost wanted someone to bring it up. I almost wanted to lose my memories again. Elise gave me a tiny wave across the way from her brother’s side and I nodded once to her, my lips upturning. I watched everyone go different ways from my conversation about wedding dresses with Frigga before she also had to leave.

            “I have to run a few errands in the market today,” Loki appeared and I caught Rolff’s gaze while he passed behind and left. Instead, I moved up on my toes to capture Loki’s lips before my arms went around his neck to deepen it. Not everyone had left so Loki was a bit caught off his guard by the display. He pulled back in slight surprise and I saw his eyes dart to the Asgardians around us as he touched my arms to remove them.

            “I love you,” I paused and tried to become someone I wasn’t. “Can I go with?”

            “It’s nothing, you’ll be bored.” He forced a chuckle.

            “I want to be bored.” I furrowed my brow, smiling at him so he took my hands in his. Loki’s thumb smoothed over my knuckles and all I felt was him mentally asking me to stay here today. Rejection. I knew he would. It relieved me somehow. “Meet you in your chambers after?” He kissed my hairline and nodded.

            “Certainly, will you have time?”

            “Yes,” I smiled before he mouthed  _love you_  and turned to go off. I spoke to a few more people and slipped away without being noticed to walk along the palace hallways by myself.

            The day was peaceful; sun peeking in through soft clouds finally. The kind of day that made me feel like I’d taken in all the storm and chaos for myself, leaving none left for the world outside.  _Mine_. Swaying down the halls of the palace I’d soon officially call my home and prison, I ran my fingers across columns while my green dress rippled around my feet. Curtains billowed when I turned a darkened corner and spotted Rolff, leaning against a balcony to stare out at Asgard. He reminded me of a hawk scoping out its prey as his fingers tapped against the stone. The palace seemed less than busy today and we were alone here. Watching him, I tilted my head and stayed behind my column before I slipped off my heels and held them. I shook my hair around my shoulders and slid closer, catching his gaze.

            “Little princess,” he whispered, “you look utterly alone.”

            “ _Hmm…_ ” I breathed, sliding my arm along the marble as I slipped away from him.  _Mine_. My body beckoned out to him and he seemed to catch on. Sunlight cast his shadow against the wall while he followed, mine stretched out taller than his just before I turned a corner and picked up the pace. I thought I heard him chuckle against the air but my silent footsteps hurried down a staircase and up another. I turned corners and spun my web that he’d tangled himself into. I’d stop and lean against the wall to look back at his predatory grin before pacing off like a siren floating away, her silent song calling out. With no one around to see us, I stopped at Loki’s door and went in, but I left it just barely ajar. I waited not five seconds against the wall by the door before it opened and Rolff stepped in. Using magic, I smacked it shut. I found myself thinking briefly of bear traps when the sound snapped him to attention. “You can get into serious trouble for being in the Prince’s  _private_  quarters.” I circled him. His gaze would have frightened another. But, not me. Not now. I'd seen it on too many men to fear now. I'd wipe it away.

            “I thought you might…” He observed me as I dropped my shoes. “I was right?”

            “About what?” Innocence flickered across my gaze.

            “You’ve wanted this.”

            “If I said  _no_.”

            “I have a history of  _persuasion_.” Rolff’s eyes lit up before he took a strand of my hair in his hand. I remembered Elder Calder for a moment. My earliest memories of speaking with him while he took my hair between his old fingers to admire it. Not in a romantic way. In the way of a collector looking upon possible trophies. I didn’t think much of it at the time. And yet, he’d collected the hair of his elf trophies. I was once so blind. But, not any longer.

            “So you have a history of hearing  _no_?” My eyebrows quirked up before his hands closed around my arms, bunching up the sleeves. I kept my palms on his chest to keep him at bay.

            “Never had a future princess. What say I lie you against your prince’s bed?” Rolff couldn’t come in for a kiss but he pressed closer. I was playing a dangerous game.

            “No history of patience either?” I tilted my head and pulled away gently to circle him, hand skimming his shoulder. I needed to confirm it. “I’ve heard a great deal about you.”

            “So, you know I’m not one to mess with, little princess.” It wasn’t a question. I pushed his thoughts to where I wanted them before I shifted my fingers up his jaw from behind and to his temples. He sighed and leaned back into me while the images flooded. I heard the begging underscored by his laughter. Images of luring his prey. He never killed himself. He merely led his victims to it.  _Murderer_.  _Rapist_.  _Pathetic._   _Monster_.  _Women-hating._  Worse, he was sly. Smart. I had to rise above that. Pulling myself together, I slipped my hands down and tried not to double over.

            “We cannot do it here,” I watched him turn, ready to strike before I spoke. “We need a place. In secret. I know one. Go there without being seen and I’ll meet you.” My lips curled upwards when I saw his eyes change. I could lure too, you see. I could collect as well. I’d been collecting pain and emotions and memories and wishes and dreams and hope and hatred since before Nerien gave me power that was every bit destined to be mine. Mine to shape and wield.

            “Where?”

            “I know of a spring in the forest. It’s quite romantic.”

            “I don’t do romance,  _sweetling_.” He countered and I let out a breath of feigned entertainment before I corrected myself.

            “We won’t be heard then.”

** ** **

            Rolff had scaled Loki’s window to get down when I told him Loki was on his way back. I waited on the bed, hyperventilating for just a moment before I fell back against the covers. Muscles twitched and tremored. My fingers clutched at the silks and furs above my head. I didn’t have time to think because Loki opened his door, spying me as I sat up quickly. He glanced along the floor before setting a brown bag aside and shutting his door behind him.

            “Have you been waiting here the whole time?”

            “No,” I stretched out before I murmured. “ _You just caught me._ ” I felt dirty. And perfect. And  _dirty_. Dirty girl. Perfect girl. Revenge seeking, alive, torn apart, brave, lying, insane, perfect, dead girl. _I was becoming all even now, Nerien._  Loki would be the one to love me as me and me as the girl I pretended to be for everyone. He liked winning. He craved it. I did too. So, I craved being  _all_ , despite my attempts to fight the rotting core left inside me. There it was again, the sick sliver of me who relished  _this_.

            “Avoiding everyone?”

            “Missing my lovely and distracted prince,” I curled my finger at him, earning a chuckle. Loki crossed and ran his hand over my hair fondly. “I’m ready for the rest of our guests to travel back home. Make life easier with planning…” I reached up toward his pants, “…and training…” Loki caught his breath when I jerked him closer by his belt and tugged at laces, “…and this.” I grasped his hips and took his tip between my lips after he grew erect in my hand. I wasn’t sure if I felt more alive or more dead. I wasn’t sure if I cared right now. Loki moaned and I sucked, my tongue sliding over the tiny slit. He was between my legs so I tugged him closer to swallow him down quickly, bobbing my head to pleasure him.

            “Slow down, sweetheart- _ohh_ ,” his head fell back before his hand grasped at my hair, hips working in small, quick thrusts. I gagged and kept going, my fingers scratched at the skin showing under his tunic. “ _Ngh-Nevermind. Fuck._ ”

            “ _Hmm_ ,” my moan vibrated around his shaft, palms feeling the pleasure filling his body up. Loki gasped, fingers tugging at my locks before he came without warning. I collected his release on my tongue and swallowed, swiping the back of my hand across my lips after I pulled away. Loki panted for a moment, hand sliding to my shoulder before he lifted his gaze to mine when I tucked him back into his pants.

            “Wait, I can-”

            “I’m fine,” I giggled aloud while I assured him, tugging at his arms. “Lie with me for a bit.” Secretive prince. Cunning prince. Loki nestled himself next to me before I set my head on his arm and huddled into his frame. My heart allowed itself to lift when he held me back and kissed my head. My prince.

** ** **

            That night, I was still awake when they knocked on my door. Loki sat up instantly and stumbled out of bed so I followed, yawning for good measure. Naaki remained in her bed, more annoyed by the intrusion. The attendant didn’t seem shocked that Loki was in my room and I didn’t hear the quiet exchange before Loki shut the door and turned to grab something to slip on. “Something happened,” he muttered and I picked up a billowy robe to cover the nightgown slipping from my shoulders. Not too eagerly of course. After pulling on shoes, I took his arm and followed him out when a few people were walking to gather ahead. We made it to a back archway in the palace, the King and Queen were present near the front as two lines of people formed on either side of the pathway.

            “What happened?” Loki smoothed his hair back when Thor spotted him.

            “A body. In the forest.” Thor replied when people whispered hurriedly around us. I heard horses outside and clutched to Loki silently. Two men accompanied a floating platform that was covered by a sheet. The crowd hushed instantly after a few gasps when Odin lifted the sheet to glance at what was left of a mangled body. Blood dripped through the pristine, white cloth and onto the floor. I stared at the tiny puddle that went unnoticed with a blank face. Fixated. Enchanted. Elated. 

            “Rolff of house Eklund.” He announced and people grew restless with whispers. Rolff’s family all seemed shaken, his father lowering his head. Odin was talking again, but I set my gaze on Elise who pushed her way through the crowd, despite men trying to hold her back from seeing the mess. Odin allowed her to lift the sheet and gaze for a moment before she set her finger to her lips and lowered it. She pressed her fists into her eyes as if to sob, the sound cracking over instantly. I observed her while Frigga put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her but she kept pressing and rubbing her fists against her eyes. The platform was moved away with a few nobles following. Thor merely blinked at it and I touched Loki’s skin, he didn’t really care. He was more intrigued. Elise rubbed her fists into her reddening skin and I realized it finally. She was trying to make herself weep.

            “Killed by a rogue bilgesnipe,” Odin’s voice faded back into my train of thought.  _Rogue bilgesnipe?_  I knew better. I was gazing at the spots of blood again and all I could think of was wiping it up. People kept talking around me, someone else was making announcements, but Odin turned his eye directly to mine in the crowd as if he was aware of me the whole time. In that instant, I knew he knew that this wasn’t a bilgesnipe and I knew he knew I was involved. Without exposing myself, I turned to huddle into Loki’s arms and tucked my head under his chin. Idly, he set is arm around me when I glanced back at Odin’s expression. Part of me felt like I was rubbing it in. Elise was making weepy sounds in Frigga’s arms and I was staring into Odin’s face. Without regret. Without fear. Wind picked up my robe and nightgown to let them flutter and I sighed. The platform was gone around the corner so I exhaled into Loki’s neck, picturing Rolff’s mangled face and women resting better because of it.

** ** **

            I heard there were many condolences sent to the Eklund family. Perhaps even a funeral pyre. There wasn’t much left to burn. Truthfully, it was too good for him. I approached them like a good princess and offered my sympathies respectfully. Elise embraced me when her family turned their attention elsewhere. I shifted but her arms tightened around my neck.

            “ _I won’t tell_.” Her whisper made my eyes widen. I wasn’t sure if she’d seen us or if she figured it herself, but she merely set one finger to her lips and that was it.

            “We’ll see each other soon after this.” I beamed down at her, setting a hand on her shoulder before a guard interrupted us.

            “His majesty has requested you for dinner in his private chambers, my lady.”

            “Dinner?” I swallowed and smoothed out my dress.  _Not jail or torture. Dinner?_ “Certainly.” I’d readied myself in record time before another guard escorted me to a room I’d never been in with a long table set with candles, and two plates on either side. Odin pulled out my chair for me, looking regal, before he walked around the table.

            “I think you’ll enjoy this more if we skip formalities,” he began and I exhaled.

            “Is this where you press me for answers then, my King?”

            “I suppose,” Odin chuckled without humor before he turned to me with two bottles. “Red or white?”

            “Always red,” I replied, staring at him so he poured. The room was ornate and meant to be intimidating with a fountain against one wall. “Thank you.”

            “Aye,” Odin took his seat and began to cut into his food. I didn’t move and he gestured with his knife. “If you please.” Slowly, I began to cut and took a small bite before he went on. “How much planning did your little stunt take? Heimdall reports nothing.”

            “All of two minutes, your majesty. I saw him and it just felt  _opportune_.”

            “I see-”

            “May I also ask questions?” I tilted my head after taking a bite and he nodded.

            “By all means, speak.”

            “Am I going to jail?”

            “Why should you? You didn’t force him to go into that forest,” Odin chuckled. “Loki’s cleverness rubbed off on you.”

            “I have much of my own, your majesty.” I replied kindly. “Since many in Asgard…and you…knew what that man did, why was he not  _jailed_  and spared my little stunt?”

            “You know the ways of  _wergild_  in our land well, I imagine,” he watched me nod. “So you already know. The charges against him were not validated properly. Often my hands are more tied than I'd like to admit.”

            “Happens a lot, I notice.” I stared down the table after sipping my wine. “Truthfully, your eldest relayed most of that tale a while back. Our old ways tend to let those who shouldn’t slip through the cracks.”

            “Asgard has more pressing matters, I’m afraid. Yggdrasil depends on us. We sacrifice our bodies and lengthy lives to protect.” Odin’s words were not harsh. “How shall we sort out the rest of this problem you’ve taken upon yourself to solve?”

            “We’ve offered our condolences to the family. Though, I’d like to request their daughter as my new and full-time lady-in-waiting with Moira. She meets all the requirements. I’ve… _heard_  that she’s already sought out the possibility of becoming one for me. It’ll look  _very_  good.” I sat up while Odin touched his beard and nodded.

            “Very well. Smart girl.” He smirked in response. “You’ve been at the root of many recent issues.”

            “Wrong place at the wrong time, my king,” I smiled slightly at him. “I’ve never turned my back on Asgard.”

            “No, but you set sight on a small few and it pulls all your focus. Moreover, you go behind the backs of those around you. Your actions have consequences.”

            “Does what happened with Nerien count as the  _few_?” I tilted my head. "He gave me a race's worth of knowledge and power that I have to explore on my own."

            “Your twisted sense of justice is getting you into troubles that do not concern you.”

            “Oh, they concern me. I don’t expect a thank you,” I sipped and he bit into his food, chewing for a moment.

            “One good mindset. Ha,” Odin’s laugh was small and dry. “No, what you did with that elf changed everything. It will ripple through the realms. Give it time before you run off and try to repeat history for a thrill, my lady. There is a lot at stake here.”

            “A thrill? No, this is revelation, my King. A reckoning. Look, I know that you know me better than you let on. It would only make sense for a King to look into the life of the one his son has fallen for. So, do my actions really not make sense to you?”

            “In killing this man, does it really make up for how you feel toward your father-?”

            “ _He’s not my father!_ ” I slammed my hands down, plates clattered and went still and Odin didn’t bat an eyelash. I composed myself and breathed slowly before sipping my wine. “And I didn’t do this for  _him_.”

            “The palace has protected you and we cannot have you constantly walking a thin line.”

            “What are you going to do…” I looked up at Odin with a devoid expression, “… _kill me?_ ”

            “There are worse things than death, my lady. But, you already know that.” He took a bite and I sipped down the rest of my drink.

            “No matter what you believe. Just know that I love your son with  _everything_  I have in me.” I stated instead.

            “You don’t have to convince me.”

            “No, what I’m saying is that I’d protect him from anyone who might possibly hurt him. No matter what becomes of me now.” I met Odin’s gaze and didn’t blink. “ _Anyone_.” 

            “That is why you shall marry him, have his children, and live out your life together here.” Odin smirked once more. “But, you and I both know that there is a price.”

            “I know what you’re going to say,” I pretended I didn’t feel my heart sink. “To get rid of the powers I was given is to get rid of me now.”

            “I’m afraid we must risk that. Eir has a way. We will try.” Odin clasped his hands and my face heated.

            “You can’t take him away from me.”

            “ _Him_? He is dead. That is exactly why you will be escorted to Eir after this-”

            “No,” My voice cracked.

            “Or you will force my hand and I will take you away from all of this…and from Asgard. You know that I must.”

            “I’ve been hiding it well. Only you, Frigga, Loki, Eir, and Moira know. I’m getting better at controlling it.” I leaned forward, the fear setting in. “Please, your majesty, do not do this to me.”

            “You must agree on your own, but you know the price if you do not.” Odin wasn’t backing down. I set my head in my hands before silently nodding, teeth clenching. I wanted to rip out my hair.  _Forgive me, Nerien._

** ** **

            Odin walked me along down the hallways while everyone was at dinner. The healing room was near empty, but Moira knew immediately that something was wrong. Odin touched my shoulder and I stiffly walked when she got in front of me.

            “Are you alright?” She spoke and I nodded.

            “Later,” I tried.

            “Your majesty, what is happening?” She began but Odin did not reply.

            “Resume your duties,” he spoke instead but she embraced me. A few others looked up but saw Odin’s expression and knew to go into other rooms. Elisif and Nazir weren’t around and Faleen moved to tug at Moira.

            “Ask me to help you,” Moira whispered into my hair as I pulled away. I stared at her with pleading eyes before I found my voice.

            “You’re  _dismissed_  for today.” I swallowed and went with Odin into the room Eir usually worked in. She rubbed her hands together and gestured for me to come in. I looked at the metal machines, the array of needles, and the metal slab in the middle of the room and almost ran out. She took me behind a divider and changed me into a gown with a large open triangle down the back. I was shaking, tears building behind my eyes. “Eir.”

            “ _Please_ , lie down.” She spoke over me, eyebrows quirking up.

            “Will there be side effects?” Odin spoke.

            “She will require a lot for the pain and she may be ill for a few days, but nothing long term.” Except everything Nerien had given me being ripped out.

            “Are you certain this is permanent?” He asked while I laid onto my stomach.

            “Oh, yes, my king,” Eir touched my back, running wet gauze along it. “This girl is special, we should  _preserve_ that.” I finally found my fight too late.

            “Wait, don’t, I can’t do this,” I felt Odin’s hand on the back of my neck. He wasn’t sorry, but he didn’t exactly want it to come to this. “Please, no! Stop! I don’t want to do this!” Metal bonds clamped down around my body to hold me in place. I hissed and jerked around like a mad cat until Eir got into my view.

            “Trust me,” she made a point of touching my forehead and I looked at her with wide eyes. “This will hurt.” She wanted my trust badly, but I didn’t understand why. Something was pressed over my mouth and nose before I inhaled the fumes and the world immediately went fuzzy.

            “ _Pl…ease._ ” I managed when something cold pressed against the length of my spine.

            “You’re too volatile,” Odin’s voice reached my ears. “I am sorry. You know…that I must always do what is best for all. Not the few.” The device that Eir was adjusting was lined with needles. It reminded me of metal wings, but I wasn’t flying out of here.

            “Breathe, my dear,” came Eir’s voice before the first needle jabbed into my flesh and filled me with poison that burned up my spine.

            I screamed.

** ** **

            The first thing I heard through my haze of pain and weakness was Moira pounding on the door. Odin wasn’t in my sight and Eir was freeing me from the device. My body tingled with numbness and I couldn’t feel my fingertips at all. Moira burst in and pushed Eir away from me.

            “What have you done?” Moira breathed, touching my back gingerly. I could only imagine what it looked like.

            “She is special. I’ve saved her life,” Eir offered without anything else, eyes wide like she was mad for just a moment. Somehow that comforted me. I felt woozy from all the blood she’d taken during and after the procedure. I didn’t know why she’d taken it.

            “Come with me,” Moira cradled my face and I touched her temple. Nothing. Choked with tears, I desperately felt around her skin without anything coming up.

            “The feeling in your fingers should return tomorrow. Take this when you feel unwell.” Eir offered me a bottle that I refused so Moira helped me off the table. My legs almost crumpled under me. I stumbled when she grabbed my dress and walked me out, the healing room was dark. Shaking, I rubbed my chest when my heart ached as we got into the hallway.

            “Loki?” My voice scratched and Moira glanced down.

            “I could not find him, nor Frigga.” She paused. “I’m so sorry.” I had to lean on her, my legs wobbling. The entire world spun around me. After a few moments of silent steps, I felt her pause. “ _You_.”

            “What the hell happened?” Loki’s voice was distant and I looked up to see him, alone at the end of the hallway.

            “You weren’t there!” Moira shrieked and Loki paused in surprise at my friend. “Look what they did to her.” I pushed off Moira and stumbled into Loki, him half-catching me as I touched his temples and drew nothing from it. I missed it.

            “Can I tell you a secret?” I whispered, head lulling toward his ear as I clutched to him. “ _I’m dead_ ,” I laughed against him before shushing and setting my finger to his confused lips. “You weren’t the first man to crawl atop me…” Tears filled my eyes and I giggled once more, weak. “He keeps taking down my decorations…and putting his own up. I should have killed him too.” Loki was trying to hush me, hiding his horrified expression. Moira tried to pull me from him.

            “You let this happen, you let them take her power away.”

            “ _What_?” Loki blinked and held me up while he stared at Moira with an expression of warning. “What are you talking about?”

            “Ask that man you refer to as  _father_.” Moira pulled me away finally. “I’m taking her to bed.” I was sobbing by now, sniffling pathetically and heaving with unpleasant breathes.

            “You cannot address me like this!” Loki channeled his anger finally, but he stomped off to find answers. “Put her in my room.”

            “I want…my cat!” I sobbed like a child.

            “She wants her cat,” Moira repeated, pulling me off and hushing me. We must have made it to my room because she helped me into bed and set Naaki near me. I cradled the kitten and curled myself into a ball, but my hands weren’t working properly. I couldn’t focus myself through the positive stimuli of touch and I merely cried harder when I felt around the furs on my bed. I wanted to cut my skin open. At least I could have seen the pain. The blood. Moira carefully pulled back the flaps of my garment to look at my back. Her hands soothed me in the slightest, but I was a shaken mess.

            “I can’t feel him anymore,” I spoke distantly and Moira paused, swallowing.

            “I know,” she sniffed hard for a moment. “I know.” I felt her petting my hair until Loki returned, he wasn’t happy.

            “Leave us.” He spoke as calmly as he could, hands flexing.

            “It’s…alright.” I glanced up finally and Moira hesitated, but got up and stared at Loki until the door closed. The prince gazed at me for a moment before turning to draw the curtains.

            “We’ve missed out on much of each other in the past week,” he began. “I’ve been learning a lot… but did you honestly believe I didn’t know?”

            “When?” I croaked and he came forward, looming over me.

            “I have many enchantments on my chambers. Some new, some old. One alerts me when someone else has stepped into my room, I saw footprints. Did you really believe your mouth on my cock would cause me to  _forget_?” His words caused me to curl up more, lying there limply with my cat seated in front of me. She watched Loki cautiously.

            “Why didn’t you say anything, Loki?” I stared at him with hooded eyes before I rolled more onto my side. My back felt like it was on fire. “If you ever see Fenrir again…thank him for me.”

            “I never will…and I felt like I owed you.” He smirked sadly and I braced myself up somewhat, everything screamed out.

            “ _Why_?” I breathed, but he didn’t explain why. I wasn’t sure if he owed me for something he had done or will do.

            “That is all.”

** ** **

            Loki had told me to stay in bed while he left to retrieve food and supplies that morning, but of course, I didn’t listen. My fingers tingled while I got use of them back and got into the shower. I turned the water scalding hot and felt not much of anything before I chilled my bones with cold and set my forehead against the tile. Drying, I slipped on a periwinkle colored dress and left my room. I could barely walk. I felt the wind and savored the fresh air before bracing myself against a pillar and falling to my knees. I pushed myself behind it and leaned half on it when my stomach churned over unpleasantly. I closed my eyes and breathed, feeling heat on my face.

            “My lady,” Fandral’s voice beckoned me back when he kneeled down and I wasn’t sure anymore of how long I’d hidden there. “What happened to you?”

            “Healing room…experiment…gone a bit array,” I chuckled distantly and he furrowed his brow.

            “You’re hyperventilating,” he smoothed my hair back before calling behind him. “I need help over here!”

            “ _Shhh_ ,” I reached for him and missed. “I’m hiding…so I don’t have to play…”

            “Hurry!” Fandral called again and I heard someone rush off. “Find Prince Loki!”

            “Come  _here_ ,” I finally got my hands on his face, feeling his skin. Something stirred within me after a beat. I thought laughter was bubbling in my throat. Perhaps is started like that. But, I went blind for a moment, Fandral’s radiant features disappearing when my eyes filled with tears. But, for a flicker of an instant, I felt wistful.  _Fandral_  felt wistful. My eyes went big with shock, I could  _feel_  again. Just for a moment.  _Hope_.

            “It’s going to be alright. Focus here…” Fandral missed Loki and I in his bed. I smiled and laughed finally, small and weak before I turned from him and vomited. The liquid forcing itself from my mouth was practically silver and it reminded me of the syringes. It burned and Fandral pulled back my hair as I covered the floor in rejected fluids. Lulling against the pillar, my voice wheezed.

            “I’m feeling much better now.”

** ** **

            Eir leaned over me to inject healing medication into my arms. Loki had one of my hands within his the whole time and he felt like a storm. When Eir pulled away, I grabbed her sleeve and stared up at her with a penetrating expression. She tilted her head and patted my hand once as I thanked her for botching the job on purpose. I didn’t know why and I didn’t care. But, I did know that I’d been hiding this power if I wanted to keep it. From  _everyone_. I let Eir go and gazed at Loki for a moment.

            “Sorry.” I muttered and his brow came together.

            “For what?” The back of his knuckle touched my cheek. He didn’t know. Without saying anything, I shook my head. “Let’s get you back to the room.”

** ** **

            “My first day as your lady and you’re ill,” Elise was carefully braiding my hair.

            “I am feeling better,” I stared at Moira in the mirror when she stood to my right to assist Elise. “Much better. Hazy. They’re going to keep drugging me up until the pain is gone. I feel like I’m not even here.”

            “You deserve a rest after this.” Elise spoke idly and Moira nodded.

            “Yes, she does.” The door opened and Loki appeared, clasping his hands behind his back.

            “Give us a moment,” he spoke, “she needs her medicine.” Neither woman moved from either side of me and Loki’s jaw clenched, slight surprise etched into his features, so I spoke instantly.

            “I’ll see you both later.” They bowed and moved to go at  _my_ command. Loki stared at me before he produced a bottle from his pocket.

            “Drink up, sweetheart.”

            “Why aren’t you looking at me differently? Why are you being so good to me?” I took it and Loki touched my chin, feeling slightly of affection.

            “Why?” He chuckled. “I’m almost…impressed. You know I would have done something similar.”

            “ _Almost_?” I repeated.

            “And I don’t think I need a reason to be good to you,” he kissed my head. “You simply deserve it.” Good answer. Too good. Loki and I made each other rise to the occasion. Whatever it may be. “I think we’ll both get something better out of this.” I didn’t ask what. “Though, I will say that next time you decide to try going behind my back, don’t.” I drank the potion and felt the tiring effects instantly. “We deserve a break. Away from here. These people.”

            “Yes.” My head lulled while he helped me up and into bed. I'd driven people to their deaths. Loki didn't care. He cared that I hadn't included him. Told him. “Are you staying?”

            “Yes, I’ll work here,” Loki touched my head. “Sleep for now.”

** ** **

            Loki waited until she was asleep to conjure up the blood samples he’d stolen from the healing room. Her name was etched into the label. The prince looked up at her again, thumb smoothing over the glass vials. They both would get something out of this. Finally, he had the final piece he needed.

            “I still owe you,  _sweetheart_.”

** ** **

            It was the middle of the night when Loki roused me from sleep, already dressed for the day. My mind was a numb haze still as he brought me into the shower and undressed me. Water jolted me to attention just a bit.

            “Clean up and put something on,” his voice said before he left. I didn’t know what was going on. I managed to do as he said, drying and putting on an oversized, grey tunic and a pair of soft, green bottoms. Hair fell around my shoulders when I braced myself in bed and realized my cat was gone.

            “Naaki?” I called softly, just as Loki opened the door.

            “Come with me,” he took my elbow and touched my back to lead me out but I struggled.

            “My cat…where-?”

            “She is safe, mother is going to watch over her,” Loki ushered me down the hallways in the dark.

            “What’s going on?” I grew frightened in my weakened, drugged up state. A carriage had pulled up with some of our bags attached to the back of it. Loki pulled me in and sat me down before getting out to speak with the driver. Frogs and crickets made soft chirps outside. I tried to get up and figure out what was happening. Loki got back in and pushed me down, seating himself next to me before he pulled off my boots.

            “Relax,” the carriage was moving so he pulled my legs up onto his lap and held me against him like he was cradling me. A warm blanket was tossed over my body before he brought the window covers down, but I struggled feebly. “Go back to sleep.”

            “Where are we going?”

            “Away,” he replied shortly. “Just for a short while.” My head fell against his chest as he held me closer. “Go to sleep. We need those drugs out of your system.”

            “Why…Why are we leaving?”

            “To heal.”

** ** **

            I’d awoken in Loki’s arm still, it was the middle of the day and I didn’t know how many hours had passed. A book was in his other hand while he silently turned the page, looking as beautiful and regal as ever.

            “Feeling better?” He piped up idly without leaving his novel.

            “A bit,” I rubbed my eyes, “where are we?”

            “Far away.” He articulated the syllables carefully.

            “Where are we going?”

            “ _Farther_ ,” his lips quirked up, emerald eyes settling on me as I got off him and stretched my legs out. Loki’s other hand found my knee, fingers rubbing circles into me before I settled my hand over his. He was surprisingly calm. “Do you miss it?”

            “Yes,” I cleared my throat, eyes flickering up to his face. I debated telling him. “I do.” I arched my back to stretch and smoothed out my hair. “Are you upset with me?” I knew he wasn’t. I could not for the life of me understand why, even when I touched him.

            “No, after what happened last year. This was child’s play.” Loki paused, shutting his book. “How did you do it? What did you tell him?” I stared away from him, feeling his hand along my back under my top. His cool skin was soothing.

            “First, I lured him to your room. I knew he desired me as a princess. Figured your chambers would thrill him all the more… He didn’t touch anything, mind you.” My breath hitched when Loki’s hands skimmed up my sides under my soft tunic. He drew closer to my ear.

            “I’ll bet he was  _smug_.” He wanted me.

            “Increasingly.” My eyes fluttered closed when he palmed my breasts through my undergarments, squeezing them. “He was eager. I…I told him to meet me at this spring…near to where I met Fenrir. I hoped he’d still be around. Those fetters held him to the land.”

            “Risky,” Loki’s fingers shifted across my breasts, rolling my nipples while he kissed my neck once. “Go on.”

            “I knew he wouldn’t be able to defend himself…”

            “Such weakness.”

            “…and I knew he’d likely antagonize the wolf…or something else. I don’t know how far he got.” I let Loki shift one of my legs up over his before he grasped my inner thigh, heat surged down my body. The dull ache pulsed between my legs. “I touched his temples and felt nothing but violence. I manipulated him- _oh_ ,” I leaned back into Loki when one hand slid into my pants, “and sent him to his death.”

            “It excited you then…” Fingers probed between my legs, sliding along my slick folds to part them before teasing my clit. “I can feel that it still does now.” My hips rolled to meet his fingers, rubbing fluidly against me. His other hand squeezed my breast again and I felt him get hard through his pants.

            “Yes.”

            “Did you think about him? Scared and on his knees. Flesh shredding and ripping away. Bones cracking apart. Blood spilling in endless pools.” Loki pleasured me, my body began to seize up against him so I rocked and moaned softly. “Knowing that you are the cause. Might as well have been you.” I worked my hips into him with reckless abandon. “Digging your claws through him, tearing his flesh with your teeth…eating his heart.” I whined, body alight with heat and excitement before my back curved and I climaxed without warning. I panted for a moment, feeling Loki’s heavier breaths on me before I came back to myself and jolted away from him to the other side of the carriage. Loki chuckled with his low baritone, bringing his wet fingers to his lips to suckle on them. I gulped and adjusted my clothing before I clutched at the cushion under me.

            “What was that?” I noticed his erection and rubbed my eyes for a moment.

            “Come here,  _darling_ , our holiday is beginning,” Loki beckoned me back before tilting his head. “You’re not ashamed, are you? Have you really never realized the way you heart races during violent displays? The ache between your quivering thighs? I have.”

            “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I groaned and put my head in my hands.

            “Finally giving into parts of yourself that you’ve suppressed for years.” Loki chuckled again when the carriage stopped. “About damn time.” He huffed, adjusting his pants before he moved to get out. “We’re here. Let’s get up to our room. I’ve taken it upon myself to put an illusion of sorts over us so others do not recognize us. Rest assured.” I took his offered arm after a moment and followed him into the sunlight.

** ** **

            The inn was small, cozy, and by a lake within a little town. Sun streamed down and illuminated the waters of this quiet place. People busied about through markets and paid us no mind. Loki spoke to the innkeeper briefly before paying for a room and I followed them both up the stairs. Our room was smaller than my room in the dorms with a fireplace, pieces of mismatched furniture, and a washroom attached. Our bags were set away and Loki took the key with haste before bidding the innkeeper farewell and shutting the door. I stared out the window near the fireplace and watched the wind sway through tall grass.

            “Do you like it?” Loki asked and I responded by kissing him, pushing his body toward the bed. “Good,” he murmured against my lips before we came together again.

** ** **

            The outfits Loki had packed me were simple and comfortable. We took most of our meals in our room. Lying nude together on the bed or the fur rug by the fire to enjoy each other’s company in the evening, no one else existed. We explored the markets daily and saw a few shows in the afternoons. I liked lying in the grass, my dress splayed out under the stars, as I watched the water and fireflies. Loki always woke up before me and had a hot breakfast for us to share. After a day or two, I got fed up with the squeaking bed and pulled the mattress off to lay it against the floor by the window and fireplace. Loki merely shook his head at me when he entered to see it, but he smiled as well with affection in his eyes before placing me against it. We pleasured each other with every opportunity we had. In our room. In the grass behind the inn. Under the stars. In a changing stall when I couldn’t decide between a purple dress or a red one and Loki decided he had other plans besides assisting. He later bought both.

            “Will you marry me?” I reclined against the grass with my arms outstretched. The stars above us shined brightly. Loki stared down at me from his sitting position.

            “I thought we’d already gotten beyond that stage,” he shifted to lie on his side, hand caressing my cheek before he pulled some grass from my hair.

            “I take you to be my lord and husband,” I recited, “for as long as I live. Now and forever.”

            “I take you…” He laughed lightly, clasping my hand and lacing our fingers. Joy radiated from his soul. He didn't feel the twinge of guilt in mine. Passing his own like a ship at sea. “To be my lady and wife for as long as I live. Now and forever.”

            “We can kiss now,” I allowed him to come down and catch my breath against his lips, “and when we stand before Asgard.” Loki turned his eyes to the stars and laid himself next to me.

            “Thor will be King soon.” He mused. “With that, we will get all that we desire and deserve in this world. I swear it. If given the chance to ensure our protection…and the protection of Asgard…would you take it?”

            “I’ve lived in Asgard for all my life. Pledged my soul to its protection. Yes, I would,” I eyed him briefly. “Why?”

            “Just wondering, sweetheart. Asgard is my home as well. There are things known only to a few. Things that can change the realms. Things I have to touch.” Loki smirked distantly, eyes studying the stars whose lives had already burned out so long before his very birth. “Thor could be a great king. One day perhaps.”

** ** **

            I cried when it finally came time to depart. Soft, silent tears. They didn’t stop when we got into the carriage to head down the long path home. Loki touched my hair, kissed me, and held me tighter than he ever had. “Someday,” he swore and I knew what he meant. “I promise you.” Loki kept saying that like we’d already been married for ages. Playing the part of my doting, lovely husband. “I promise you.”

            With all my heart, I  _wanted_  to believe it.

            I wanted to believe we could play  _this_  forever. This beautiful, scary thing.

             _I promise you…_

            I held onto his words for as long as I dared before releasing them with my next breath, fingers skimming his wrist. How was I supposed to believe those words with every fiber of my being when I knew he didn’t? Loki wanted more. Loki was the moon, destined to be overshadowed because of the sun and he refused stay that way. I was a bright star recovering from my supernova explosion, my remnants turning to a black hole and ready to suck everything into it. I, with all my rotten core, could not bow. Loki, with all his plans and wrongs ways of going about it, could not rise. But, he knew me in his soul and I knew him in mine. We had each other. In a way, I believed we always would and yet, I knew the forces of nature would come and try to wash this all away. I was strong enough to counter. But, I was not sure if Loki could. I believed in him. But, I knew he had all the capacity to grow lazy and cut corners. It never worked. So I let Loki hold me and whisper sweet words of promises, but I didn’t open my mouth, knowing the palace of Asgard would grow closer. I just closed my eyes and found solace in Loki’s heartbeats before I spoke the truth.

            “I love you.” I felt him hold me closer and utter a half-truth.

            “I love you as well,” Loki murmured softly, “and I  _promise_  you.”

             I’d get the last word another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Phase Three: The Impact!! Phase Four: The Rise picks up with the Thor/The Avengers/Thor2/the time in between them! Paths diverge, new OCs, major losses, villains reveal themselves, and two gods rise to put the realms back together with some help from new friends. Will follow the basic storyline and scripts but many creative liberties are taken!! Half the MCU won't exist eventually and the marvel comic universe will be built up. I'm obsessed with story parallels so prepare for repetition. Comments and kudos are so loved, thank you.


	23. Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Thor Movie and first prompt of new Phase Four: The Rise! Mere months later, Thor's coronation is ruined and well...you know the rest. The Lady finds her place in this realm and learns that the right thing is never easy. Years of trauma and training led up to these moments. She and Loki stand as equals down a twisting past when secrets unravel the entirety of Asgard. The ripples will be felt through the realms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal warnings apply. Sprinkle of greek myth references and a quote from Adrian Veidt in Watchmen if you squint ;) Thanks for reading!! SPECIAL THANKS TO MY DEAR FRIEND. She regularly does Fanart for my story. Recently, she posted this amazing drawing of the Lady and Nerien. ---> http://its-a-kaze.tumblr.com/post/169583774463/ If you like this story, please support her!!

      Inhaling, I opened my eyes when the cold caressed my face, air blowing into the room from an opened window across the way. I usually close them at night. The sun was just beginning to rise, painting the sky in red and lining the lean silhouette of Loki. Seated at the edge of the bed, his shoulders were dropped while he looked out at the sky ahead of him. I considered leaving him to his thoughts.

      “Have you been up this whole time?” I drew the covers around my naked body and reached forward to touch his spine. Melancholy fluttered out to fill me. Nude, Loki shifted his leg up on the bed to look at my face.

      “No,” the side of his lip twitched upward when he took one of my curls between his fingers, coiling it gently. “I simply awoke early.”

      “Nervous?” My question caused him to chuckle breathlessly.

      “I imagine Thor should be more so than I today.” Loki paused. “The day arrived faster than I expected…” His voice trailed off, but then his green eyes locked to mine before he added. “Will you stay by my side today?”

      “Of course,” I pressed his hand with a smile. “I’ll be with you for the ceremony and after.” Lightning struck the air behind us and Loki hummed in response, slightly amused when I giggled.

      “Looks as if Thor has woken.”

      “Have you decided on what to say to him before the ceremony?” I asked.

      “I’m sure that I shall come up with something.” Loki spoke idly, gazing upon the sky. “Let us hope he contains his excitement, lest all of Asgard burns before he’s given the throne.”

      “And after…we’ll be getting married,” I shifted up to kiss Loki’s jaw and he looked at me, swallowing.

      “Yes, we will.” Loki paused. “Elise stated that you had shed tears when you found your wedding gown.”

      “So you were trying to pry my lady-in-waiting for details?” I raised an eyebrow.

      “She is too loyal to you, so of course she gave nothing away. That girl puts all other attendants to shame.”

      “She will be here eventually to help me dress for today’s festivities. I wanted to visit the healing room after. Asta is bringing her little boy in today.” I grinned in response before Loki exhaled slightly and tried to smile for me. “I know that today is going to be hard for you,” my finger brushed his chin and I beckoned for him to look at me.  I dropped my hand before I could feel anything beyond sadness and the static of nerves. “Just know that I’m on your side. I’ll always be on your side. It’ll get better for us. After today. Everything we need is just beyond that sunset.”

      “Yes,” Loki blinked, eyes flickering away briefly. “I promise you. I promise you that our lives will be better after this day.” The certainty in his voice was both uplifting and jarring. I smiled again. “Come, take a bath with me while we still have time.” He kissed my lips and pulled me from the bed in one motion. I did not intend to refuse.

** ** **

      “Armor or gown?” I stared at the mirror, Elise stood behind me while she ran a comb into my thick locks to part a section of hair.

      “Hm?” She inquired so I glanced up and her head tilted, curls bobbing once.

      “Am I to wear the armor or the gown today?” I watched her grin slightly and shrug.

      “I don’t see why you cannot wear both.” Elise smoothed her hands together and paced to the bed, pulling back the fabric from my intended outfit. The dress was simpler than expected and deep burgundy with bronze metal pieces layered over the torso, resembling my armor in the slightest. Ornate metal with a feathered pattern would also be fitted to my right arm. Sleeves were long to my wrists.

      “Can’t say I dislike it,” I crossed my arms. “I love it. Ironic enough, but, red is my favorite color… Also, it looks like something I can fight in if I cut a few pieces away.” I removed my robe and Elise began to help me into it. I traced my fingers over the metal on my shoulder and down to the vambrace strapped to my forearm. “Red dress. Feathers. By the nine, symbolism and politics are going to be the end of me. I will say one thing…we both know who will be upset.” Elise clasped her hands and nodded.

      “I thought that as well.”

** ** **

      “You look sharp, Nazir,” I watched Elisif fuss with her son’s collar briefly before she smiled brightly and kissed his cheek. After Frigga, Elisif had been the one to teach and accept me into the healing room. The fact that she felt safer after Rolff’s incident reminded me that I’d send him to his death a thousand times over. I sighed fondly at the thought. A loud cry interrupted my thoughts when Asta tried to calm her son on the other side of the room. Faleen jolted, dropping her pen and I snatched it from the ground before handing it back as I crossed over.

      “Thank you,” Faleen resumed writing. Moira smoothed her hand over her shoulder, turning to look at the crying boy. Men and women hovered a bit to help but Asta waved them off.

      “He’s alright,” she bounced him in her arms. “I’m sorry, Elisif. He’s been fussier the past few weeks.” The boy tossed his doll to the floor and cried harder, squirming in his mother’s grasp. I picked it up and approached with Elisif at my side. The boy hiccuped and sniffled while Elisif touched the back of Asta’s head.

      “You look tired, my dear. Come, let’s get him into another room.” She held a box under her free arm. “I have these to sort.”

      “I can help with that,” I came forward, glancing down at the doll with a slight smile. It was her son’s favorite as it looked like a fairy princess. “Here, I’ll trade you.”

      “You technically don’t work here now, hon, and don’t you have coronation work to get done elsewhere?” Elisif raised her brow and I clasped my hands.

      “Please don’t send me out there, the full court arrived with families and they’re driving me up the wall. New advisers keep poking and prodding at me.” I watched Elisif chuckle before she turned. “The next person to comment on my hips or if i'm still going to be a warrior or ask if Loki and I are expecting-”

      “Say no more,” Elisif pushed the box into my arms and I paced in. “Moira, help her sort.”

      “Gladly,” Moira adjusted her healer’s robes and followed. Elisif sat Asta down behind us and took at seat, offering the doll to the little boy to help quiet his cries to small whimpers.

      “I wish I had more stories to tell, he likes those,” Asta smoothed her hand over her son’s head.

      “I’ll ask Nazir if we’ve a book lying around,” Elisif shifted but paused when Moira turned.

      “I have one,” she piped up gently and sat down, smiling at the child. My lip tugged up when I resumed putting potion ingredients into their proper cabinets.

      “The Valkyrie and the soldier?” Elisif questioned.

      “Yes, it was my favorite growing up.” Moira replied. “Once upon a time, a beautiful Valkyrie with wings framed by gold light came upon a dying man in battle.  _You’re not a_ _soldier_ , she looked upon his angelic face,  _how did you come to be here with Odin’s army?_  He told her he joined the ranks to seek forgiveness.  _There is no forgiveness in war_ , she replied,  _only loss and victory. Which do you seek?_ He looked upon her golden wings and said that he had already lost. Long before this. He wanted to be brave. If only once. He wanted to show bravery to gain access to Valhalla, for it was his only way to perhaps gain the forgiveness he sought. You see, he’d lost someone long ago and with no way of finding his way back to them…he prayed to gain access to Valhalla. He would wait. He would wait for as long as he could. Overcome with the prayers of this man, the Valkyrie bowed her head and noted that she could not bring him to Valhalla. As the man wept, she offered something else.  _That which you lost_ , she said, _will be engulfed in darkness. Darkness brought on by the choice you made so long ago. The choice that sent all these events into motion. I will join you with darkness. You will serve your time there until the light comes for you. Until it is really your time._ The man grew frightened as he believed darkness was nothing but fear, and emptiness, and loss.  _I am light,_ she said _, but light can be blinding. It can expose you. Darkness is not all bad just as light is not all good. They are balanced. Always. In darkness, you can find solace and peace and perhaps find the right guiding light you need. In darkness, you will forever shield and be joined with what you have lost. Until their time ends, you will remain._ The man wept harder and thanked her as he lie there and in their union, the balance remained. She took the immortality from her youngest child and used that power to preserve the spirit of the man before sending that child to the earthly realm as a watchful protector of the lost.”

      “How could she-?” Asta interrupted, deep into the story and Moira chuckled. When I turned, the little boy was now fast sleep and Elisif smiled light. Moria's eyes met mine, but briefly.

      “She has many children.” Moira replied. “And often, they are tasked with matters outside the realm of Valhalla. And it is not a sad ending. The story births the origins of balance. For she is light, like every Valkyrie, she can be found in the sun, the moon, the stars, the soft candlelight in the evening, and the raging fires of battle… Though, she works to preserve the balance in all things. Light and darkness will always need each other, you see. So the man will live on in darkness, a place of healing and peace, silently watching the good and bad that unfolds until one day when he might reach Valhalla.”

      “It that the end?” Asta wondered aloud.

      “It is merely the beginning,” Moira stood, “I’m glad your son found some peace of his own.” She crossed and glanced at my eyes again before helping me with the bottles once more.

      “You can lie him down in here for a while,” Elisif helped ease the child into a bed.

      “I owe you one, Moira,” Asta gave her shoulder a pat before leaving with Elisif.

      “Not an issue,” Moira murmured.

      “You were always better at telling stories than anyone else. Never a dull day during my early training here.” I began to finish with the last box and Moira got rid of the rest. We both kept our voices level to not wake the sleeping boy.

      “That I can thank my mother for,” she replied. “Shame she can’t make the trip down for the coronation. Too long and she doesn’t fancy the royal scene herself. Courts are…too pompous for her, I believe. Prefers the solidarity and ease of nature.”

      “You never did say what the man had lost.” I stated instead.

      “Didn’t expect you to get so wrapped up,” she chuckled and I closed the last cabinet carefully. “I’ll tell you that story later. You’re late to meet the warriors.” I came to full attention and repressed my instinct to utter a curse before I hurried out.

       “Thanks,” I gasped silently and Moira was amused, waving when I left.

** ** **

      “Look who shows up late,” Sif greeted me, adjusting her armor.

      “Sorry,” I grinned sheepishly and fixed my hair. The Warriors Three were all setting their weapons on a long table next to Sif’s, as per the instructions of an attendant.

      “Who wants to polish my sword?” Fandral gazed at his reflection in the glimmering steel and the ladies around him giggled. When they caught sight of Sif and I, they left him and fawned over us.

      “You both look divine,” one offered Sif some water. Fandral crossed his arms with what may have been a pout behind us. Smiling, I thanked them and slipped away to help Hogun with a strap that twisted.

      “I’m sure Fandral has had a wonderful time this morning,” I commented.

      “There’s no quieting him,” Hogun replied evenly and Volstagg laughed next to us, indulging in a goblet of wine.

      “We’re to surrender all weapons here before we set foot in there,” Fandral wedged himself between his two partners and I, which caused us all to snicker. Preparations bustled around us as citizens and representatives from across the lands entered the two massive doors. People of races I’d never seen in person entered after their long trips here.

      I found myself realizing that Nerien’s people likely would have sent a representative here. It would have possibly been him coming with whomever they sent. We could have met under different circumstances. I could have seen him among other elves. Laughing and perhaps even dancing after the feast. 

       _“Surely I would ask the future princess for a dance,”_  suddenly he was in front of me like a ghost. My core shook.  _“Cordially, of course. We both have others waiting for us. You and Karliah would engage in letter writing after meeting once. I am sure of it._ ” Shaken, I dropped my bow on the table with a clatter and quickly jerked it back up. The traces of him faded instantly.

      “Alright?” Fandral pulled me from my quiet daze and I rubbed my temple.

      “As flawless as your face,” I replied softly, pulling the quiver from my back next to set them down.  _I’m getting bad again. No, I was getting worse._

       “The dagger as well,” Fandral gestured to my side and I set it next to my weapons but he crossed his arms. “And the other one.” Rolling my eyes, I pulled up my dress and reached for the one hidden in my boot.

      “There,” I smoothed out my clothes. “Happy?” I shifted to pass but Fandral stopped me, his hands on my waist.

      “Ah, wait… _hello_ ,” his hand slid down my thigh and felt something through the fabric. “What do you call this?”

      “A warrior with one hand.” I threatened lightly and he pulled away, setting his hands up.

      “Just looking out for you,” Fandral shrugged and I dug to yank the strap holding a small knife to my thigh. “I know you rather well.”

      “I picked the habit up from Loki.” I gave Fandral’s cheek a swift pat and passed him to get into place next to Sif.

      “Glad you haven’t picked up too many from him,” Sif commented idly and I turned my head.

       _“She doesn’t trust you, you know that, right?”_  My mother’s voice invaded my head and I wanted to shake myself until the little whispers stopped. “ _Just as you never trusted me. I just wanted you to have everything I couldn’t. Look around you.”_  I knew they never would but the thought of them getting worse cut into me. My mother fluttered away like she always did.

      “I’m just glad you both are getting along today.” I shrugged. “Hard day for him in one sense. Tough day for Thor as well. How nervous do you bet he is?”

      “Hiding it, no doubt,” Sif replied while we strode in. “Here we go.” The massive room was filled with flying banners of different colors and people loudly celebrating around us. I was to stand just under Sif on the stairs at the bottom step, level with where Thor was to kneel. People greeted me as they got into place before horns boomed, echoing throughout Asgard. _This is it._  We all bowed when Odin entered, looking completely regal and not at all like he’s two steps away from Odinsleep.

       _“This one doesn’t think it wise to hold such a ceremony, considering the circumstances.”_  Nerien’s King, Tandil, about touched my shoulder to breathe into my ear and I wanted to cry.  _“They’re not judging you as harshly as you believe they are. Not today.”_

      Loki entered, looking fully like a proud brother, before he offered his hand to Frigga to escort her down. He glanced at me, eyes skimming up my dress before forcing a smirk. Though, it was more of a twitch. Our hands squeezed as he ascended the stairs to take his place.

       _“He is so very proud you killed me.”_  Rolff’s torn face was in the audience, the clapping went silent against my ears while he spoke. So real and clear. Our eyes melted together. _“He’ll make you his little princess.”_

      Thor entered late, in true Thor fashion, so he could make his grand entrance on his terms. Odin was not too amused as his son tossed Mjolnir up once and caught it, rousing cheers and I smiled at that. People roared with more sounds of adoration. The soon-to-be king did all sorts of tricks and relished the attention, his cape flowing out. Thor truly looked like the golden prince. He got to the end and removed his helmet, winking at Frigga to gain a smile from his mother after she shook her head. The crowd hushed instantly when Odin smacked Gungnir on the floor and Thor kneeled. He winked at me so I beamed, head tilting with a quirk of my brow.

      “Thor Odinson…my heir…” Odin began. He sounded hopeful. I tried to focus myself on the ceremony, stealing glances at Loki while I looked from Thor to Odin. I smoothed my hands over my dress idly when the temperature dropped. Odin’s speech captured the room but something in the air sent shivers down my spine. I noticed others felt it too. Thor eagerly looked to his father, swearing loyalty to the throne, and waited to hear those words that would seal it. By the time the speech came to a slow close, people began to rub their arms for warmth. “Then on this day, I, Odin Allfather, proclaim you…” Thor furrowed his brow when Odin trailed off, looking distantly passed the crowd at a banner. Frost began to closely creep over it, cracking and causing others to gasp. “Frost giants.”

      Thor was the first to race out of the throne room.

** ** **

      I’d never before seen the Vault below the palace. I never expected to see it covered in the corpses of three frost giants and two guards. The room was still frosted when the warriors and I arrived just behind Thor, weapons in hand. Thor was practically vibrating with fury as the Destroyer sat restless behind its gate. The Casket of Ancient Winters was on its pedestal and I couldn’t help eyeing the other items along the room. My breath was ice cold, puffing so slow. Eyes alight, I lingered briefly on a golden gauntlet that I’d only ever read about before a voice broke through my mind.

      “ _Curious one indeed_ ,” Elder Calder broke through my thoughts.  _“You remind me of me.”_ It wasn’t the cold that made me shudder. Someone draped their cloak over my shoulders and I turned to see Volstagg nodding slightly.

      “Thank you,” I murmured, blinking once.

      “The Destroyer took care of them long before we arrived,” Sif noted behind me.

      "Two brave men died to protect the Vault, their families should know." I remarked, the Warriors Three and Sif all silently agreed. Odin moved in and we split instantly so he could pass, trailing up behind Thor. Loki shot me a weary glance while Volstagg whispered behind us.

      “I used to think it all a mere legend.”

      “They say the Tesseract was once held within these very walls,” Fandral replied in a softer tone. Hogun remained silent, fist flexing over the handle of his weapon.

      “It was,” I added softly. “It wasn’t the only thing our ancient ancestors have lost to time.” I eyed the gauntlet once more, the six holes in it were empty. My pulse picked up, fingers twitching out and relaxing all at once.

      “You’ve done your reading.” Loki stared at his father surveying the damage and Thor was still fuming while he looked around for any trace of a breach in our security. It would not have been the first.

      “Figured the Tesseract was a legend too,” Volstagg shrugged and Sif hushed our group before anyone could go on.

      “The Jotuns must pay for what they’ve done!” Thor spun on his heel and I immediately nudged Loki’s side to urge him forward. Thor wasn’t thinking.

      “They have paid with their lives. The Destroyer did its job, and the Casket is safe. All is well.” Odin was perfectly calm.

       _“All is well?!”_  Thor’s tone was one of disbelief. “They broke into the Weapons Vault! If the Frost Giants had stolen even one of these relics-”

      “But they didn’t,” Odin cut in smoothly as we looked on quietly.

      “Well, I want to know why!” Thor stood his ground, fists clenching. I furrowed my brow and shifted back somewhat when his voice raised more.

      “They believed the Casket to be their birthright, it once belonged to them,” Odin didn’t back down either. “I have a truce with King Laufey.” It didn’t surprise me that Loki was rather silent during the exchange, watching on behind his father. Thor looked at his brother for support briefly and Loki tilted his head in response before his brother shouted.

      “He just broke your truce, we must act!” Thor’s voice echoed and I winced causing Fandral to shift closer, hand smoothing over my back.

      “ _Which is worse_ ,” my stepfather said from the shadows and my chest seized.  _“When I raised my voice or when I grew silent?”_    I swallowed and ignored him, forcing my gaze ahead. Sometimes the voices were relentless and sometimes they stayed in my head. Odin stared at Thor and without turning, he gave a command. 

      “Leave us.” Obediently, we all turned but Odin stopped me just as I handed Volstagg his cloak. “You, stay.” I met his intense gaze while the warriors left behind me. Did he know I retained my powers? He or Frigga must have and yet, they said nothing.

      “This appears to be a family matter, your majesty,” I offered softly, my breath showing in the cold room, and he didn’t miss a beat.

      “Are you not a part of this family yet?” His words slightly surprised me when I lifted my gaze. “Stay and observe.” Glancing down when Odin turned, I caught Loki’s fingers flexing out toward me slightly so I shifted next to him. The King passed Thor to look at the Casket quietly, surveying the damage for another moment around us. He sighed apprehensively and turned toward his eldest son who now stood level with Loki and I. “What action would you take?”

      “March into Jotunheim as you once did, teach them a lesson, break their spirits so they’ll never dare try to cross our borders again!” Thor was furious and so certain of himself, he wasn’t thinking and his answer made my face heat with tears. I didn’t know what surprised me more. There was so much power in this room, it was almost overwhelming.

      “You’re thinking only as a warrior,” Odin was gentle in his reply but Thor wasn’t calming.

      “This was an act of war!”

      “It was the act of but a  _few_ , doomed to fail.” His father insisted and Loki’s hand touched my back.

      “Look how far they got!” Thor gestured with his arms furiously.

      “We will find the breach in our defenses and seal it.” Odin was losing his patience quickly.

      “As King of Asgard, I would-”

      “But, you’re  _not_  King! Not yet!” Odin shouted at last and Thor instantly went silent, eyes widening in realization. Instead, he marched past us and up the stairs, slamming the doors open so hard that they vibrated against the walls. The King looked from the empty opening then back to the Casket for a long moment and Loki didn’t move, eyes trained on his father. “Forgive my eldest son’s display,” Odin turned and glanced at me, “the rest of the festivities are canceled for this evening.”

      “Your majesty,” I piped up in a small voice just when he passed us, “if Thor is not crowned King…that means that we cannot-”

      “We will figure such things at a later time.” Odin replied before he stared at Loki and came forward to touch his shoulder. I stepped away from them, my face burning with the realization that our marriage would be put off longer.

      “Forgive me, Father, I should have calmed him.” Loki furrowed his brow.

      “No, it’s my fault,” he cradled Loki’s face in one hand. “Have I been blinded this entire time, my son?”

      “ _No_ ,” Loki’s voice choked just a bit and Odin turned from him to go up the stairs. When Odin had cleared the doorway, Loki puffed for some air and lowered his gaze. “Your heart has forever and always ruled your head.” I merely blinked at him in the cold room before he glanced at me. “All right?”

      “I…” I tried to speak but my throat vibrated with tears. “ _I thought…we’d finally…”_

      “I know,” Loki came forward and took my arms, hushing me.

      “We were so close.” I felt Loki turn me to guide me up the stairs, guards closed and secured the door behind us.

      “Let me take you to your room. I’ll go speak with the others.” Loki stopped in the empty hallway and tilted my head to kiss my hair. “I promise you, it will be fine.”

      “No, I want to go with you,” I wiped away my tears quickly. “I’m fine.”

      “You should rest,” he tried once more but I shook my head. “Very well.” He touched my face and I couldn’t really feel much from him beyond something somber. Something weighing heavily. Loki set his hand around the small of my back to guide me off but paused and abruptly pulled me close for a kiss. I didn’t have time to think, or feel, so I kissed back instantly and put my arms around his shoulders after we parted. “Trust me,” was all he whispered after and at the time, I told him the truth.

      “Yes.”

** ** **

      We’d arrived to the banquet hall to see Thor pushing attendants away so he could overturn the already made table in a fury. Food platters and everything else strewn about all over the floor. Upset still, I couldn’t help losing it then as I descended the stairs.

      “You know those working people who spent weeks setting up _your_ coronation have to clean that up, right?! Not a moment of rest with the spoiled Son of Odin!” I held up my dress and Loki took my arm.

      “Enough,” he added softly but I wasn’t done. Thor stared at me, not at all in the mood.

      “You know your brother and I have to wait longer to get married because of this, right?!” My voice echoed and the attendants began to clear the room. “You know that your actions have consequences,  _right_?!” Loki got his arms around my waist and sat me down on the stairs. I couldn't believe I'd actually scolded Thor.

      “Calm yourself,” he insisted lightly while Thor turned to plop down on the opposite set of short steps, open windows framed the area behind him. “Look at me,” Loki turned my face to meet his gaze and he felt so very confused. “ _Enough_.”

      “Fine.” I inhaled sharply and looked at him with a hard expression.

      “Let me handle this,” Loki strode down the stairs, his ceremonial armor changing to something simpler with each step as Thor pulled the cape from his back and tossed it aside. Loki trailed his hand across a pillar and picked it up, smoothing his fingers over the fabric for a moment.

      “It is unwise to be in my company right now, brother,” Thor set his elbows on his knees, sulking.

      “Who said I was wise?” Loki jested slightly and sat down, his body about leaning against Thor’s as if to dare him to push away. Thor didn’t move, but he clearly wasn’t in the mood for this game. “That little  _entrance_  you made will certainly be remembered. Imagine if the elders had been around for it.” I brought my knees up to cross my arms over them so I could lean down and set my head there. Thor didn’t react so Loki went on. “This coronation was good, I’m sure that the next will be better. You could rehearse something a little less embarrassing to enter with.” Loki smirked and Thor glanced at him briefly.

      “This was to be my day of triumph.”

      “If you believe that this is your only day of triumph then you’re not the bragging oaf I thought you were,” Loki chuckled before sobering up, offering the cape back to Thor. He took it after a moment without looking, fixated on his spot. Thor didn’t always look at Loki as if he was so used to his brother’s presence. He was so confident he’d always be there. I was as well. But, I could not stop watching. The weight on Loki's shoulders. The depth to his eyes. “It will come, in time.” Loki’s voice lowered to whisper and I was taken out of the moment when the Warriors Three and Sif entered to take in the scene behind me.

      “Redecorating, are we?” Sif interrupted Thor and Loki’s quiet murmurs quickly after Thor nodded to whatever Loki had said.

      “I told you they’d cancel it,” Hogun muttered to Volstagg behind us.

      “Such a waste,” he replied and Fandral instantly swooped to my side.

      “Why so sad, my sweet lady?” He began to wipe the dried makeup streaking my face.

      “You’re always so dramatic,” I sniffed and laughed lightly, shaking my head when the others passed us.

      “I’m sure the wedding won’t be put off much longer.” He tried quietly, pulling the little clips from my hair so it fell down my shoulders in its usual curls. “There you are.”

      “You’re likely the only one to believe that.” I whispered in return. Across from us, Thor sprang up with a new gleam in his eyes.

      “No,” Loki protested, “stop. I know that look.”

      “It’s the only way to ensure the safety of our borders,” Thor retorted instantly, looking proud and certain once more.

      “Thor, it's madness,” Loki cut in.

      “Madness?” Volstagg was the first to cross the room. “What sort of madness?”

      “Nothing!” Loki smiled swiftly, gesturing like it was his brother's idea. “ _Thor_  was simply making a jest.”

      “The safety of our Realm is no jest. We’re going to Jotunheim.” The entire room shifted when all eyes went to Thor.

      “What?” Fandral stood up and I followed after a moment of hesitation.

      “Thor, of all the laws of Asgard, this is one you must not break.” Sif tried.

      “It isn’t as if Heimdall will allow it.” I added after, crossing my arms.

      “This isn’t like a journey to Earth where you summon a little lightning and thunder and the mortals start to worship you. This is Jotunheim.” Fandral came forward.

      “And if the frost giants don’t kill you, your father will.” Volstagg eagerly voiced.

      “It’s the only way to fix things,” Thor grinned broadly and gestured for me to come forward. “My father fought his way through the Jotun armies and took their Casket.” The elder prince grabbed at Loki’s arm when I shifted toward them. “We’d only be looking for answers. Then we’d come back, heroes, and I’d be made King. After, I’ll marry you both myself. You'll have the freedom to do what you please. Be who you are.” Thor clasped Loki’s hand in mine, feeling of hope. “Let me make this up to all of you. To Asgard.” He pushed us closer together and moved to convince the others. I stared at Loki and, for just a moment, believed that everything would be all right.

      “It is forbidden,” Sif snapped us out of it and I let go of Loki, who felt of pride and confusion still.

      “My friends,” Thor sized up our group, “have you forgotten all we’ve done together. Who led you all into the most glorious of battles?” He nudged Hogun’s side.

      “You did,” we all hesitantly added.

      “To the sweet embrace of the most beautiful maidens,” Thor clapped Fandral on the back. “And to the most succulent delicacies, you’d died and thought you’d gone to Valhalla.” He tossed his arm around Volstagg. “Sif, who proved wrong all who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be the fiercest warrior this realm has ever known?”

      “I did.” Sif didn’t miss a beat.

      “ _True_ , but I supported you,” Thor corrected himself. “My friends, trust me now. We must do this.” When no one moved, he went on. “Come on. You’re not going to let my brother and I take all the glory, are you?”

      “What?” Loki’s gaze shot up, eyes furrowing like the sun had risen.

      “Well, you are coming with me…?” Thor tilted his head and Loki’s lips quirked up finally in a way that was truly charming.

      “Yes, of course,” he crossed to Thor. “I won’t let my brother march into Jotunheim alone. I will be at his side.” Elated, Thor grasped Loki’s shoulder and nodded.

      “And I,” Volstagg added.

      “And I,” Fandral agreed.

      “And I. The Warriors Three fight together.” Hogun finished.

      “I fear we’ll live to regret this,” Sif exhaled.

      “If we’re lucky.” Volstagg shrugged and it was then I realized I was behind the group.

      “I can go too, right?” When they all turned, it felt for a moment that they’d forgotten I was there. My voice grew smaller when they exchanged looks as if to search for an explanation. My melancholy quelled. They would not take me. Not this day. “Right, then. I get it.” They’d be found out quickly if I went missing from the palace.

      “It isn’t your skills, my lady,” Fandral eased quickly. “No, you’re as capable as all of us.”

      “Yes, he’s right. You’re a fierce warrior,” Thor went on. “You’ve just not been in a real training sessions in weeks. Per Father’s wishes since you’ve been prepping for today.”

      “Now you all listen to him?” My chuckle was barely there and sarcastic. “I did not know I was where you drew the line.”

      “It shall be better and safer if you remain here.” Loki added and when no one tried to protest I stood taller. “We do not-”

      “ _I get it._ ”  I pretended like my friends hadn’t just hurt me deeply. “My place is here. In this prison.”  _Too volatile_.  _She must stay a princess first._ They did not want me to cause trouble after what I did with Nerien.Princesses in other realms where allowed to fight, why not I? I never asked to be some symbol with Thor to show a brighter future for Asgard. I never asked to be this messed up and broken. I picked up my skirts and forced my way beyond the group to go back up the stairs. “ _Oh_ , I meant  _palace_. Slip of the tongue.” Fandral spoke my name as if it were an apology and I turned on my heel sharply, halfway up the stairs. “ _What_?”

      “Do not part ways like this, just trust us,” Thor tried then. “When we fix this, you’ll likely thank us for it.” I could see Nerien standing behind them and my heart clenched.

      “ _Is that not something men say before they hurt you?”_  His voice flooded my brain and I blinked several times.

      “You, nor anyone else, will ever speak those words to me again as long as you draw breath,” my head tilted and I knew they could feel my fury.

      “Calm yourself,” Loki eased, stepping forward.

      “ _No_ ,” I shot him a glance and looked back at Thor. “Never again.”

      “I meant no disrespect.”

      “You think I give a damn about your intentions now after what you did today?! After what you all did just now?!” I shouted and Sif’s voice was sharp.

      “Enough!”

      “I helped save you all not so long ago and you’re  _ungrateful_. I helped save this damn palace from…” I muttered to myself, fingers clenching at my skirts while breaths drew heavy when my voice shook. Nerien coaxed for me to continue so I did. I saw Thor's colors. I saw all their colors. “So young. So high and mighty at times. You need to listen to your friends, Thor, before it gets one of you killed. You can be this bright beacon of light for Asgard. You have a good heart and you're not stupid. You're just hungry and not thinking of anything other than your next meal. That, I can understand so perfectly. But now, you’re an ungrateful child.” I saw his face twitch and Loki shook his head at me.

      “We must go,” Sif nudged at Thor but he didn’t move until she did it again.

      “Yes,” I spoke while they turned. “Leave. Go  _break their spirits_  if it makes you feel good. I'll bet you all my gold it won't. That...I can understand as well.” When no one looked back at me, I chose my next harsher words. “You are not worthy of the throne.” I ascended the stairs and I knew they heard me because the footsteps ceased. “Not today at least. I think you know that too.” I used magic to slam the doors shut behind me before anyone else could speak. Head up, I marched to my room and screamed into a pillow for a long moment, clawing to keep it over my mouth. Naaki jumped on the bed when I got up from it, reaching to yank the ties of my dress open. Perhaps I was too hard on them. But, I was furious, I didn’t want to care.

       _“You’re unraveling,”_  Nerien stepped out of the shadows. It didn’t surprise me that his voice was the one I heard the most. Perhaps I’d taken more pain then I could give. It was true that not being able to roam a proper battlefield had caused my power to crackle inside me. I had no outlet.

      “Get out!” I screeched finally, yanking a candlestick up before hurtling it across the room. It cracked against the wall and a little voice broke through my anger.

      “What happened?!” Elise was shutting my door before she raced toward me to grab my arms in a panic. “Are you well?”

      “Yes,” I pulled from her gently so I could make myself stop shaking. “It’s just that today is…”

      “I am sorry.” Elise lowered her head. “I could run you a bath or-”

      “No, thank you. But, no,” I sniffed. “You’re dismissed for tonight. I’m going to clean up and go to the library.” She went to pick up the candlestick but I took it from her. “Don’t worry about this, darling. Tell Moira she doesn’t need to visit me either.”

      “Are you certain?” Elise paused but touched my shoulder, trying to meet my gaze.

      “Yes, thank you. We’ll talk tomorrow.” When she didn’t move, I continued. “Go on.” Elise hesitated, but turned to go. “And, Elise…don’t tell anyone what you saw. Please.” She stopped and tilted her head to look at me.

      “Never.” She nodded before going. Next to me, stood a little girl, dead and grey before her time.

       _“She is not me, you know?”_  The dark eyes met my matching ones.

      “I know that, darling.” I turned and she was gone. “I know.” Naaki meowed at me and readied to jump into my arms, which I allowed. “Shall we watch them go?” I stared out the window to where the lights of the bifrost would illuminate the sunny sky before I kissed the cat’s head. I should have said  _see you soon_. I should have said  _fight well_  to them or  _come back safety_. I should have said  _I love you_. But, I didn’t. Without waiting for the lights, I moved to wash up and change into another dress before departing for the empty library so I could climb to the third floor and get lost in its pages. Perhaps, I would also rehearse the apology I’m going to give when they get back.

** ** **

      “Forgive me,” I sat on a shelf and stared at the high bookcase across from me. “I shouldn’t have said what I… No, what I said was rude and I was angry and not thinking… No… I’m glad you all got back safe- _ugh_!” I smoothed out my simple dress and rubbed my head. “Please come back soon. Please let them come back soon.” I closed my eyes and breathed for a moment.  _Why did I have to take it all out on them?_

      I got up and slid my book back into its place, pausing to look up at the windows. The curtains were closed and I realized that I hadn’t been paying attention to the lights outside. They could have arrived back already and here I was lost for words. I inhaled sharply and mustered up some courage so I could leave but I just stood there. I wanted to press my body into the damn wall and disappear. To my  _great fortune_ , I ended up not having to leave when a distant breath caught my attention.

      “Loki,” I hitched a gasp, freezing when I saw him standing at the end of the towering shelves. He was a little disheveled, hair messily smoothed back with red rimmed eyes but he looked alright nonetheless. But, what caught my attention was the fact that one of his gloves was torn from his now bare arm, part of the sleeve gone with it. He held no wounds on the exposed flesh. When Loki didn’t move, I found myself again and rushed into his arms. The prince didn’t hold me back immediately and he was freezing cold, body shaken. “I’m sorry,” I sputtered into his chest, trying to bring warmth into his bones again. “I shouldn’t have-”

      “We know,” he hushed me, his covered arm wrapped around my back. When I moved to grab his exposed wrist, he jolted and pulled away. “I…” Loki swallowed and met my gaze.

      “What happened? Is everyone okay?”

      “Odin saved us before it could escalate further. There was a battle and…” Loki was so distant, eyes unfocused and shifting to the side. “He was furious.”

      “Loki, you’re shaking,” I pulled him to lean on the shelves so he could steady himself. “What happened?” He was breathing somewhat sporadically and I grabbed at his collar. “You’re going into shock, focus on me. Focus on my voice. Breathe now.”

      “ _I didn’t know_ ,” he wheezed.

      “Where are the others?” I moved to pull him off but he didn’t budge while I tugged at his arm, simply staring ahead when I touched his back. Carefully, I lifted my hand to near the back of his head. “It’s going to be alright,” I whispered, ready to touch his temple but he spun and pushed me into the shelves gently, we kept our voices hushed as if someone was listening in. “You need to tell me what happened.”

      “I once prided myself on knowing the outcome. We were all wrong.” He furrowed his brow and our faces drew closer. I was frightened and I could feel the tremors of his beating heart against mine. Loki reached toward my face with his bare hand before closing his fingers and recoiling from me. “We’re fools. All of us.” Those green eyes sparkled with tears. “Father, he banished Thor from Asgard.”

      “What?” I gasped, covering my mouth.

      “He banished him to Midgard…without power…without his friends. Without me. Thor is on Earth and I’m still here. I’m standing in Asgard…with you and Thor is alone and mortal. He’s alone and  _I’m still here_.” Loki clenched his teeth and tears began to fall, I was in awe. I thought of the last things I’d said to Thor and shook my head.

      “No, I still have to apologize to him,” my voice was muffled by my hands. “Thor isn't... He cannot be gone. He can’t be there. Asgard is… _oh gods, no._ ”

      “I did not think Father would go so far…as to do this. I didn't. I promise you.” Loki whimpered and sniffed to hold himself together but I finally touched his face and he was cracking. So much grief. So much loss. I felt as if it were my own. It was lined by anger. Confusion. Disgust. I wanted to read more, I knew I could but the anguish was overcoming any other image I saw. Waves rolled upon a damp shore. I couldn’t focus.

      “Loki, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I allowed him to drop his head on my shoulder when he sagged. Our contact broke.

      “I’m here,” Loki stated again and he kept whispering it. “I’m here. I’m with you still. I’m here.”

      “ _Shh_ ,” I touched his back. I had to be strong for him. He wasn’t letting himself sob fully, just idle tears. It sounded like his throat was too tight to allow anything else.

      “He’s gone. He’s just gone. He was standing there…and  _then_ -” Loki’s voice seized up. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t get the chance to reach out. I thought I knew how it was. I thought I knew everything. I was certain I could fix it.  _This_. I…” I just held him tighter. “You’re here with me.”

      “Yes… I always will be.” I felt Loki gasped for air and shake his head.

      “Thor is on Midgard, a mortal, and I’m here, a monster.”

      “No… Loki, you are not-”

      “And you,” Loki brought his head up to lock our gazes. So much pain. He touched my face with his gloved hand. “Look at you.” He searched my eyes and pressed his lips together. “I can still touch you and feel how warm you are because I’m still here. We can still give to each other in this instant, and pretend that nothing else exists, and…and love each other. We can believe for a moment that nothing outside this room matters. Do you remember that night? The stars.” Loki pressed closer, eyes glancing down my face and he held it. My fingers grasped at his clothing, turning white and shaking. “It’s so damn warm, just being here. I didn’t…” Loki kissed me like I’d shatter in an instant.

      “ _What do we do?_ ” I managed to choke out, swallowing hard to hopefully rid my voice of its heaviness.

      “We love each other.” Loki’s lip trembled. “Because right now…we’re here and because we can.” He kissed me again and I felt the weight of his sadness filling me. We both closed our eyes and just felt around, kissing and moving clothing aside. He lifted me against the shelves, books tumbled over while we kissed and held each other so tightly. Loki buried himself inside me and I couldn’t get anything else outside the feelings radiating off him. I couldn’t bring myself to read deeper when he buried his face into my collar and made love to me as if he wouldn’t get the chance again. When he began to cry softly into my neck, I arched my back against the hard surface behind me and held tightly to him. I realized that I was crying too. Not because I was sad but because he was. Loki's emotions outpoured through me like our souls linked to twist together. It was intense and so raw. My mind reeled.

      “ _Loki_ ,” I moaned lightly when I came. Unable to do much else, I comforted him with my body and waited until he allowed my feet to once again touch the floor. My thighs and back pulsed with aches that fizzled. Loki adjusted his clothing briefly and we leaned against each other, panting for air before the world spun back. I realized then how quiet my mind had been for the first time in a while. “ _We need to go._ ”

      “I know,” he shook his head and met my gaze. “I don’t want to… Everything will change. We will be different.” I merely nodded at him and wiped my eyes while he pulled himself together finally. “Promise me you’ll-”

      “I promise.” I murmured before taking his gloved hand and leading him back into the realm of the living. We cleaned up in total silence and met the others in our usual room with the fire pit. They were all somber, sitting around it quietly. Fandral stood and I didn’t hesitate to jump into his arms, his chest was bare as it looked like he’d just been healed. Hogun was rubbing a healing stone into Volstagg’s arm and Sif was mute, sitting opposite them. I moved away and sat down on my own bench, bringing my legs up to my chest as I watched the fire burn. Loki stayed back, scratching idly at his hands. Something more was killing him.

      “We should never have let him go.” Volstagg leaned forward. I flicked my fingers, causing the fire to burn brighter in front of me.

      “There was no stopping him.” Sif replied.

      “I should never have said those things,” I breathed softer, holding myself.

      “We didn’t exactly handle that situation with grace,” Fandral tried but I shook my head.

      “What if what I said pushed him further?” I whispered, closing my eyes briefly.

      “We all know it isn’t your fault,” Sif rubbed her head. “We all could have tried harder to stop him.”

      “At least he’s only banished, not dead. Which is what we’d all be if that guard hadn’t told Odin where we’d gone.” Fandral touched his chest idly and Volstagg looked up.

      “How did the guard even know?”

      “I told him,” Loki chimed in after a moment, looking distant.

      “You never mentioned that.” I muttered.

      “What?” Fandral turned and Loki elaborated.

      “I told the guard to go to Odin after we’d left,” his words grew harsher, “though, he should be flogged for taking so long. We should have never reached Jotunheim.”

      “ _Loki…_ ” I breathed, warning him, and he shot me a glance.

      “ _You_  told the guard?” Volstagg repeated then and Loki nodded, fiddling with his hands still.

      “I saved our lives.” Loki’s voice grew hard. “And Thor’s. I had no idea father would banish Thor for what he did.”

      “Loki,” Sif stood, finally looking hopeful. “You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind. You’re the only one who can help Thor now.”

      “And if I do, then what?” Loki didn’t blink, staring intently at her. “I love Thor more dearly than  _any_  of you. But, you know what he is. He’s arrogant. He’s reckless. He’s dangerous. You saw how he was today.” No one spoke, Loki had a point, but he raised his tone. “Is that what Asgard needs from its King?” Without waiting for a reply, Loki turned on his heel and stalked out, the door smacked shut while I stood quickly to follow.

      “I should…” I paused and turned my head, unable to face them. “I should speak with him.”

      “Go,” Sif nodded when I glanced at her finally. “See what you can do.” She appeared to want to say something else but looked at my eyes and stopped.

      “Forgive me,” I stared ahead and stepped forward toward the door but I couldn’t help listening to the voices in my head. “You have never fully trusted me, Sif.” It wasn’t a question. I turned a bit to see her watching me, not denying the statement. The warriors behind her stayed silent. “Why?” I did not blame her and her answer wasn’t hesitant.

      “Because I know you’ll always choose him.” Our eyes locked still, I gave a slight nod and left to chase after Loki. Sif had always known better. I rushed down the hallway and turned to see him pacing down the next one, slower now.

      “Loki,” I beckoned him to stop and turn. “What haven’t you told me?” Loki sucked in his cheeks and looked from me to the floor. I approached him and lifted my hands to touch his face. He felt crushed and I inhaled sharply when I tried to go deeper but all I saw was snow. A perfect crystalline sheet. Blood dripped once. Twice. My heart clenched. Pulling back, I blinked the images away and tilted my head at him. “If you won’t go to Odin, talk to me.”

      “I just wanted to keep you. I...Asgard was fine just the way it was. Was it not? Thor made a fool of all of us. And I...” he whispered, knuckle caressing my jaw before he pulled away like he was afraid he’d burned me.

      “I have given you time to gather yourself,” I pleaded quietly. “Something more is wrong. I can feel it.”

      “I need to show you something,” Loki said after a moment of struggle. He eyed my hand but instead clasped his and turned to go another way. I followed behind him, watching his back carefully until he led me into the Vault. The Destroyer rumbled behind its magic lattice.

      “Loki. What’s going on?”

      “Come,” Loki didn’t look back, staring pointed at the Casket of Ancient Winters. “It’s practically singing to me.” Finally, when he drew close, I rushed in front of him to push at his chest.

      “No!” I shook my head, lowering my gaze.

      “Trust me.” He didn’t move and I tossed my arms around his shoulders to embrace him desperately. “Just trust me,” the prince eased again. Loki didn’t hold me back until I pulled away. “Wait. I want to remember the way you look at me now.”

      “I love you,” I breathed and he pressed his lips together, brow tilting up.

      “I know, sweetheart,” he replied, “I love you as well. I need you to back up against the wall. There.” I wanted to ask why but I stared at him and stepped back until my body was hidden within a tall stone crevice. Next to me, the empty gauntlet hummed. Briefly, I wondered if the fingers would stretch to beckon. I wanted to touch it. But, Loki pulled my attention back. “Stay there for me, no matter what you see. Promise me.”

      “I promise,” my voice was small.

      “Good girl,” Loki was gazing at the Casket, trembling when he lifted his hands. “I fear that…” Loki shook his head as if to try to stop himself before he grabbed each side of the Casket. It purred when he picked it up fully. Pressing my hands against my mouth, I muffled a gasp when he suddenly exhaled. Loki furrowed his brow and didn’t seem to feel pain. Instead his hands turned blue, the color crawling up his skin. My eyes grew wide at the patterns etching themselves into his flesh, the blueness spread up his face and blood filled his eyes until they went a deep shade of red. When his gaze flicked up toward me, I was paralyzed. All this time. We didn’t know. Loki was a frost giant.  _How?_  I wanted to move, but my feet wouldn’t go. He looked lost and enraged...and so incredibly heartbroken. So far gone.

      “Stop!” Odin’s voice rang out and I stayed hidden.

      “Am I cursed?” Loki didn’t move an inch. My own heart was tearing. He did not ask why, he just asked if it could be fixed.

      “No,” Odin replied, “put the Casket down.”

      “What am I?”

      “You are my son,” Odin’s words held power, despite how weary he was.

      “What more than that?” Loki set down the Casket and turned, our eyes locked briefly as they went back to green when his body returned to what it was before.  _I didn’t know, Loki. I’m sorry. I love you._  His gaze told me to stay put. While he moved out of my line of sight and toward Odin, we realized the truth at the same time. “The Casket wasn’t the only  _thing_  you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

      “No,” came Odin’s reply, “in the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple, and I found a baby. Small for a giant’s offspring…abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey’s son.”

      “ _Laufey’s_  son,” Loki’s voice held a tremor and it cracked. “Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why did you take me?”

      “You were an innocent child,” Odin tried.

      “No, you took me for a purpose,” Loki persisted, his breathing heavier until he grew desperate. “What was it?” Odin didn’t speak and I jumped when Loki lost it completely. “ _Tell me!_ ” His scream echoed and I realized my hands were still planted against my lips.

      “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace…through you,” the Allfather confessed and I closed my eyes when tears fell. I didn’t want to hear any more of this.

       _“What?”_  Loki was crying now.

      “But those plans no longer matter,” Odin finished and I could hear Loki’s unsteady breathing more clearly.

      “So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?” Loki’s voice rose. I knew that tone well. He heaved and choked on my name. "What of her? Did you put off our marriage to keep Jotun and Asgardian blood from mixing? Is that why? I've seen the way she's treated here and I did not do enough to stop it! I thought you... I thought I... And our future child? Would you trade them for peace as well?! Another couple pawns in the House of Odin!"

      “Why do you twist my words?” Odin was growing breathless. I couldn’t bring myself to move, I was petrified.

      “You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn’t you?” Loki begged and a sob threatened to creep up my throat.

      “You are my son,” came Odin’s genuine reply. “I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”

      “What, because I…I…I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?!” Loki’s words pulled me from my spot and I stumbled out of hiding.

      “No…” Odin glanced at me while he stumbled back on the stairs, his exposed eye was tired and somber. Loki was too upset to notice his father faltering as he advanced up the steps.

      “Lo...Loki…” I reached out, teeth clenching as tears fell down my face.

      “You know, it all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you  _claim_  to love me, you could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!” Loki stopped when Odin collapsed and reached out for his son.

      “ _Loki_ ,” I sniffed and fully came back to myself. Odin fell back, his hand leaving Loki’s leg. “He needs help.” Loki kneeled down and appeared to be in a daze when I rushed to Odin’s side. “Your majesty, stay with us.”

      “ _Forgive me_ ,” Odin mouthed, barely audible so I surveyed his condition. The Odinsleep was overcoming him. Looking traumatized, Loki touched his father’s hand and paid no attention to me when I touched the side of Odin’s head. Our souls linked, eyes wide and locking. I felt regret and saw flashes of a crying blue child, malnourished and in need of love. Odin cradled the babe until he smiled and his skin adapted to look like his savior, large green eyes replacing the red ones. When the Odinsleep took over, I was locked out and cried aloud when the sensations left me. Loki pulled away and held himself.

      “Guards!” He called, echoing. “ _Please_ , help!” Loki stood and stumbled back, he would have fallen down the stairs if I hadn’t gotten up to grab at the front of his clothing. Guards burst in and surrounded the King.

      “We will have him taken to the Queen, my prince,” one stated and Loki didn’t reply. I touched his hand and felt the distance between him and the rest of the world. It felt like an endless void swallowing him up. For a moment, I thought he would float away from me. I shook him and began to guide him up the stairs.

      “Come away with me, sweetheart,” I pulled him along.

      “Where are we going?” He sounded like a lost little boy again. I managed to bring him to his room, locking the door behind us. I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached out to touch his shoulder. Snapping from his daze, Loki yanked back and smacked against the wall.

      “You need to lie down, you’re going into shock again,” I tried to come toward him but he finally found his rage and charged beyond me to overturn the table. “Stop!”

      “All these years…they  _lied_  to me,” his voice was filled with venom.

      “Look at me,” I took his hand and almost doubled over when his distress and fury filled me. My emotions crackled and Loki pulled away again. It was torture. I was supposed to be strong for him, but his emotions were too much. If mine grew frenzied, I’d risk hurting him. I couldn’t comfort the man I loved as he had done for me many times.

       _I hate that I can ask you so easily for your ugly side but often hesitate to give mine. It isn’t fair._  My own words flashed across my brain. I had to do something. Loki kicked the table away and lashed out, magic sent a bookcase across the room. Papers went everywhere and he slammed his hands on his desk, trying and failing to hold it all together. I was afraid. I was afraid for him. And regretfully just a little afraid of him. Still tearful, I did the only other thing I could do.

      “Let it out, sweetheart,” when I waved my hand, a spell went over the room to soundproof it. Loki needed a good scream. So I let him have that much. A wail tore itself from Loki’s vocal cords before his desk crashed into the wall. He grabbed at books to throw them, tore papers to shreds, and ravaged his room with magic. The forces swirling around him burned pieces of his clothing away and all I could do was back into the wall to avoid debris. I’d allow him to quench just a flicker of this rage I knew by heart. It was so hard, having all this anger and nothing you do is enough to allow it out. Every morning you wake and feel the burning at your heart following you around. Every night, you look at your reflection and see your hands clenched into tight fists. Nothing is ever enough.

      “The lying and the deceit!” He yelled. “To make me fit in when they knew I never would!” He sent the couch into the fireplace and I covered my head when the wood splintered. “And for what?! To use me as a bargaining chip?! That is not love! That is not what love is supposed to feel like! They  _used_  me!” He kicked another chair across the room and I jolted away instinctively.

      “Please,” I began when he grew frantic.

      “Teaching me how  _evil_  the Jotuns were! They practically taught me to be the monster!” Magic sent everything hanging on the walls to the floor. “They made a fool of me! I’m  _nothing_!” Loki’s scream cut over with a sob and I felt him waning finally but he tried to keep going. Another chair cracked against a bookcase before he used his own strength to push it over. Glass and papers covered the floor. I had to stay in control of this. “They should have left me for dead in that damn temple. The Jotuns had it right in deserting me!  _Foolish_  Loki for believing he belonged somewhere! For believing he was worth anything!”

      “Loki, no,” I cut in then but he wasn’t letting up, tearing a tapestry to pieces. When he caught sight of his reflection in a mirror, Loki charged and punched it. The mirror shattered but he wasn’t finished, hitting it with bloodied fists and I had to think of something. Grabbing a blanket from the bed, I tackled him down and used the fabric to block our skin from touching and as a means to help get his limbs down. Loki bucked and struggled, spitting curses while I managed to wrap my legs around his. His head smacked painfully into my shoulder when I struggled to get my arms around him and grab at his wrists. With his back against me, Loki was sobbing and screaming. “I know, sweetheart, I know.” I allowed him to use the last of his strength until he began to exhaust himself against me. Pushing him further, I brought his bloodied hand to my lips and kissed his fingertips. Gasping for air, Loki turned his head toward me so I kept doing it. He felt crushed. Eyeing every little tender touch I offered. “I’m here.” The positive contact was working. I kissed his fingertips again and our gazes locked, his bright green eyes grew large with more tears and yet he seemed closer to reality. Loki blinked at me and his voice choked.

      “I’m a monster.”

       _“Tell him,”_  a little, dead girl stated behind me. I felt her hands on my shoulders.  _“Tell him everything you should have heard so many years ago. Tell him what you should have told me.”_

      “You are so loved for whatever you are and whatever you believe yourself to be. You are not a monster. You never were.”

      “I wish…” He trailed off.

      “I know.”

      “Was it all a lie?”

      “No. Odin and Frigga love you more than anything. They should have told you the truth, but that doesn’t change the fact that they love you. Thor loves you. He loved you so much, I bet there are days when he can barely quench it. I love you. You are so loved. I know you feel alone and I know I can’t change that. But, you are not alone.”

      “I’m a Jotun.”

      “You’re still Loki too. You’re still my prince. You’re still a brother, a son, and a friend. You're still the only person I want to wake in the morning to see and the only person I want to fall asleep next to.” Through the little touches, it wasn’t just the anxiety and the depression and the anger. It was the pure loss of one’s identity I was feeling. The fractures splitting into his mind. “You are a frost giant and I don’t love you less. Neither would Thor.” I had to pound these thoughts into Loki’s brain. “You deserve a brand of peace that comes with the self-love and acceptance you’ve longed for all these years. You are so important, Loki.”

      “You should fear me.”

      “No, I shouldn’t.” I smoothed my hands along his body as I held him closer to me. “I don’t. I love you. I love you so much. This is your home.” His room was in shambles. “Your family loves you and they didn’t want you to be an outcast. Lying was wrong. Teaching us that Jotuns are bad and Asgardians are good was wrong because that is not true. We are just two realms struggling to preserve ourselves. Struggling for purpose.”

      “That did not stop me from becoming an outcast.” Loki breathed softly.

      “Sometimes we make terrible choices and often those choices affect those around us, whether we love them or not. You can’t allow what they did to control you. You are Loki. You are the most brilliant sorcerer of these realms. You’ve risen above anyone who has told you otherwise. Endurance can be a lot to ask from someone but often, it is all we can do.”

      “It feels as if someone if pulling the last few threads that keep me rooted here.”

      “I know,” I held myself together for him. “But, you’ve never been nothing. You’ve ensured that people know your name. The heart I hear beating within your chest is still your heart. You’re still you, Loki.” I pulled him up gently, taking more of his clothing off. I guided him into bed after sweeping all the debris off it.

      “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” Loki allowed me to wrap him up and hold him close. After a beat, he shifted to cling to me.

      “Tell me something you believe still.”

      “I love you,” he murmured. “Everything is going to change.”

      “Get some rest, sweetheart. Wake up and know that I’ll still love you as much as I did yesterday.”

      “But,” Loki’s eyes slid closed as I tried to calm him. “I am Laufey’s son. Loki Laufeyson.” I held him and petted his hair until his breathing evened out before kissing his head and allowing my own tears to fall. I should have held him like this more often. We should have counted our blessings more often together. Everything would change and I was not ready.

       _“Stay with me, sweetheart.”_ I paused, my whisper lowering more. “You promised me that I could keep you.” Loki’s head nudged into my neck and I pressed the fingers of my free hand to his temple. I tried to will away his pain. Straining to gasp, I closed my eyes and tried harder, trembling now. When I opened my eyes, Nerien stood just next to the bed.

      “ _You know that is does not work that way_ ,” he offered gravely, causing me to hold Loki closer and scoot away from him. Scrambling, I did what I could to heal the small cuts on Loki’s knuckles. He felt utterly hopeless. Loki’s emotions seeped fully into mine before I cradled his torso to me, smoothing back his hair in his slumber. I’d lost myself when I was young. The thought of Loki going through it tore at me.

      “ _Please_ ,” I whispered to no one, “let me keep him.”

** ** **

       _I can fix this, sweetheart…_

      I awoke early to the utter horror of a perfectly organized room and Loki nowhere to be seen. It was as if Loki’s outburst never happened and something about that worried me. I called his name and, to no such surprise, I didn’t receive an answer. Rubbing the sleep from my tired eyes, I smoothed out my clothes from the night before and snuck out. Speeding back to my room, I about leaped out of my skin when I was greeted by Elise and Moira waiting for me.

      “You’re awake,” Elise jumped up.

      “What’s going on?” I noticed my cat missing and looked around. “Naaki?”

      “She’s hiding in the closet,” Moira spoke, leaning against my wall near the window. “We can’t coax her out. Been there like she senses a storm coming.”  _She isn’t wrong_ , I thought idly.

      “Leave her for now, she’ll come out. Have you both been waiting for me to wake up?”

      “I was headed to the healing room with Faleen when Sif stopped me,” Moira began. “She was agitated and with the other three warriors. Told me to inform you that they wanted to speak with you.”

      “And I was told that we were to get you ready and present you his majesty,” Elise added and I ran my hand over my head.

      “Odin fell into Odinsleep,” I tilted my head. “Has word not gotten around about him or-?”

      “The fact that we’re supposedly on the brink of war as well. Yes, we’ve heard.” Moira explained. “She is not referring to Odin.”

      “Wait,” I shook my head to wrap my brain around this. “Then who-”

      “Prince Loki has been granted the title of Acting King by his Queen mother…” Elise’s brow knitted together. “We figured he told you.”

      “I haven’t seen him since last night, he…” I trailed off and swallowed. “Is he alright?”

      “We’ve not seen him in person,” Moira replied. “I haven’t seen Sif this upset in a long time. I think you should go to them first.”

      “I need to speak with Loki.” Distracted, I moved for the bathroom. “No, let me think while I wash up.”

      “Prince-… King Loki had this dress sent for you to wear.” Elise pointed and I waved to acknowledge her but my mind was somewhere else. Cold water jolted me to life fully when I washed myself quickly.  _What the hell is going on?_  It almost felt like a normal day. I stared at the metallic bronze dress for a moment before I slipped it on. It was rather simple despite the fine fabric, which I appreciated. Drying my hair, I pulled on a pair of nice boots before exiting only to be slammed against the wall.

      “Sif!” Fandral’s voice broke my daze. “You said you would be civil about this.”

      “I am perfectly civil.” Sif’s arm was bent and pressed into my neck to hold me in place. Elise and Moira were trying fight to get around the Warriors three blocking them from Sif and I.

      “What are you doing?!” I grabbed at Sif’s forearm to pry it away but she wasn’t letting up.  _Distrust. Anger._  No.  _Fury_. Sif was livid about something. Images of Loki on the throne filled me.  _Traitors in the house of Odin._

      “I need to ensure she doesn’t know anything!” Sif called to the others amongst shouts to let me go.

      “Everyone! Quiet!” My voice broke over them all and silenced the group. “What are you talking about?”

      “Don’t you dare play dumb about this. Fake smile for the court, but I know better, my friend.” Sif ordered and I shook my head.

      “Sif. You know me.”

      “I know you’re on his side.”

      “What happened?!” I pushed Sif away from me roughly and she let out a breath of annoyance.

      “We went to speak with Odin. About the frost giants that got in. Your beloved prince was on the throne and  _quite_  comfortable.” She replied, fists clenching.

      “Slow down,” I eased.

      “In Jotunheim, Laufey stated that there was a traitor in our midst.” Hogun began.

      “Minutes before Thor is to be King, they suddenly slip in. Unnoticed.” Volstagg added and Fandral looked at his feet.

      “It’s difficult to believe, my lady. Even I do not wish that he had anything to do with-”

      “Stop.” I set my hand up, looking elsewhere before I dropped it. “I know for a fact that Loki didn’t set out to get his brother banished.”

      “Even if that is true. He’s certainly quite happy where he is now.” Sif searched my face. “His plan matters not. He’s on the throne and we cannot convince him to end Thor’s banishment.”

      “That should have been the first thing he-”

      “We’ve already tried. He spouted off some rubbish about war and continuity.” Sif crossed her arms. My heart was sinking but, I waved everyone off.

      “Okay, I need you all to sit down. You’re making me nervous.” My breathing picked up and instead they all stepped toward me to see if I was all right. “I’m fine. I just need to sit down.” I slid down in a spot in front of my window, staring at my hands before grasping the key around my neck. When they found places to sit, I let out a breath. “You honestly believe that Loki let the frost giants in and pushed Thor to go to Jotunheim…”

      “We know it may be hard to-”

      “No, Fandral, it’s incredibly easy to believe which is why it’s so-” I choked on my next words and grasped at the cushion underneath me. “Why would he try to put this off further? It pushed back our wedding as well.”

      “We all know of his jealousy,” Sif offered.

      “Prince Loki enjoys things the way they are. He thinks he’s doing right. He thinks it best for Asgard. Power has a way of pushing someone to take steps they never imagined they’d take.” To all our surprises, it was Moira who spoke. I stared at her for a moment and shook my head. It was possible. Loki was powerful. He held secrets. Many from me. He had motive too. I should have questioned it all more. It happened so fast.

      “Had I seen this coming, you know I would have stopped him,” I felt like I was in a daze. “I can’t believe this all. Not yet. I need to speak with him. I have to know.”

      “You are our last hope to get through to him. You need to convince him to bring Thor back.” Sif stood just after I did to follow me to the door. They were all speaking at me but I wasn’t listening anymore.

      “Wait here,” was all I managed to get out before I was rushing down the hallways. The guards stopped me at the grand open doors.

      “I’m here to see-”

      “Leave us,” a voice echoed and a tremor rocked my entire body. I met Loki’s gaze across the long walkway and guards passed me to leave. The doors shut me inside and I had no choice but to approach. My heels clicked as Loki stared back at me with an expression of intrigue and serenity. He sat sprawled on the throne in his ceremonial armor and helm, Odin’s staff in his clenched hand. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

      “A lot happened since we slept last night,” I stared up at him for a moment before he stood, shadow casting over me. I felt cold. Remembering myself, I bowed low to him and pressed my fist to my heart in a gesture of respect.

      “No need for all that,” Loki removed his helmet and set it aside, the staff remained in his tight grasp.

      “How are you?” I couldn’t bring myself to approach or tear my gaze from his. He was searching me carefully with his eyes.

      “Fine. Amazingly so. I woke early to speak with mother and did not wish to disturb you.” Loki explained. “They put the staff in my hands and…” he marveled at the gold weapon. “It feels right. I never thought I’d ever be here. The things I can do now.”

      “May I speak with Frigga later?” I tried quietly.

      “Mother had refused to leave father’s bedside,” Loki put his free hand against his stomach. “After he put this off for so long… She fears he shall never awaken from this one.”

      “Oh,” I swallowed the lump in my throat, “I am sorry. Loki… I think we should talk about yesterday.”

      “It is already in the past,” he shook his head and beckoned for me to come to him with two fingers. My leg shook when I took my first step, Loki was not here. Not really. A sensation flowed down my spine. One I knew well. It weaved within every joint and I clenched my jaw so it didn’t show. Betrayal. I had to keep going. “I must look to the future. The future of Asgard. And our future as well. With my word, we can be married tomorrow without the fuss.”

      “I liked our original plans with our friends at least.” I replied softly. “Surely you want Thor to be there.”

      “ _Darling_ ,” Loki pressed, “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”

      “You are King…you can bring him home. Is that not what you wanted? You both can rule together while Odin sleeps. When he wakes, you can be a family again. You can clear the air. You can heal this before it further burns you all.” I felt like I’d been blinded.

       _“He made a pretty fool of you,”_  my stepfather’s voice nudged at the back of my brain.

      “You know it is not that simple,” Loki’s voice was so calm and certain. He sounded devoid. “Do you think I cannot handle it on my own?”

      “No,” I shook my head and inched up the stairs a little more. “I just thought-”

      “We’re done with the subject then.” His green eyes were blazing into mine. “I did not think any of this would suit me. I was wrong. I can bring Asgard back from the brink. You can be my Queen. Everything we want is in arm’s reach. We need only take it.” Loki was looking beyond me now at the room around us. In response, I reached out and grasped for him tightly.

      “I don’t think being Queen will ever suit me,” I confessed and he stared at me before chuckling.

      “Nonsense,” he took me by the arms. “You care for the people of Asgard. You used to be a commoner, as well. They could respond to that in a positive light.” _Ouch._

      “I am  _still_  a commoner.” I tried not to sound like his words hadn’t clenched around my throat and made me feel smaller. Our skin hadn’t touched yet. I needed to know. I didn’t want to do this. Loki pulled me back until he was seated on the throne with me straddling him. Immediately, I was uncomfortable. Loki betrayed me. His mind twisted this into something horrible. I'd lost him. Slowly and then all at once. His greatest illusion, merely served to fool himself.

      “Imagine being by my side while we help the people of Asgard through hard times. We’ll enjoy our lavish meals and come back to our shared room.” His hands grasped at my hips and I was just looking at him. Mesmerizing the face I loved and the face that betrayed me, I felt tiny and frightened. I wanted to shake him until he came back to his senses. I could practically see the power alight within his eyes. I hated this. The steps he took to this moment. The knowledge and power that bent him. The lies that sealed his fate. I had to bring him back. “I’d lie my Queen against the bed and service her in any way she-” I smashed our lips together, partly to quiet him. Loki was immediately all tongue and teeth against me so I grabbed his face to absorb every emotion and image I could. My eyes flew open when I let my power fully take every little thing in. I’d never gone this deep. _Frost giants. Thor’s hopeful smile. Hatred._  I felt Loki pulling away but instead he angled to kiss me again. My fingers pressed into his flesh.  _Stop Father, I did not mean for this. Thor, please come home. Monster. Thor hates me. They all do. She is disgusted by you. Make them proud. Save this land._ I saw the little moments he slipped away to work behind my back. The runes were blocking pieces out but I was creeping through despite that. I could see the way he manipulated me to stay out of it. The one moment he got me to help him unknowingly. That book. The one we’d stolen. There are ways in and out of Asgard that not even the gatekeeper sees. _What have I done?_ Loki’s mind was fracturing all aflutter. I wondered how long he could hold it together. I ripped away from him, both of us breathed heavily for a moment before he went for my dress.

      “ _Stop_ ,” I ordered and Loki’s eyes went wide when he froze. “I can’t. Not here. We…I… I have to know that you’re okay, Loki. After yesterday, I can’t…”

      “Sweetheart, there is nothing to worry about. I've thought all of this through. I could use this to keep Asgard clean and safe once and for all. I can do what Odin and Thor could not.” Loki eased and I took the opportunity to get off him. I didn’t want to be anywhere near the throne. “My head is clearer than it ever has been.”

      “You don’t sound like yourself,” I gestured to him finally and he paused.

      “Consider this a better me. I’ve been thinking a lot and this is where I need to be now. Asgard is vulnerable. We must stand together.”

      “I liked you the way you were.” I paused. “I loved you the way you were.”

      “I love you more than anything. We’re not being pulled apart. This is our chance to come closer together. Like we did so long ago under the stars. Certainly you remember how it felt? No realm will touch Asgard again with me here to seal it. With me to keep Yggdrasil in line.”

      “The stars... Hiding amongst the training areas at night,” I turned finally to look at him. “Trying to take steps back but we kept shifting forward. I would never forget. I’m worried about you.”

      “I assure you then, once the worst of this has past. We’ll talk. But, I cannot focus on such things now.” Loki took one cautious step down the stairs, head cocking. “You have not told anyone, have you?”

      “I’m a little shocked you’d even ask,” my fists clenched.

      “I simply mean…” Loki exhaled and smoothed his thumb over the staff standing next to him. “We’ve all had a trying week. I suggest you station yourself in the healing room or your chambers. I prefer you remain close to the palace today. For your safety and my peace of mind.” I wanted to dive on him right then and scream in his face but instead I had to smile. I wish I’d acted on my moments of confrontation. All this hiding and sneaking around. I hated it. I  _loved_  it. But, I hated it so. So much time had gone, I had to prove to myself. Once and for all. I was brave. I must feel it in my heart and believe.

      “Certainly,” I looked at Loki and he stared at me before I shifted up the stairs to kiss him. Offering every bit of love and affection I had left. He, in turn, felt of passion and pity. “I love you, Loki.”

      “I love you as well.” Loki tilted his head. “I’ll see you at dinner.” Head up, I turned and began the trek back. My lips quivered and my spine tightened up, I was not enough to bring him back. Loki was going to do something terrible. I wanted to muster up something profound to say. Something to convince him to stop this all. Something that would make him rush into my arms and apologize before he brought back his brother. But, I had nothing, so I found something else to say that barely quelled the storm deep inside me.

      “Goodbye.”

** ** **

      “What did he say?” Sif got to me first when I closed the door to my room. Without looking at anyone, I passed her to go to my window. Bracing my arm on a bookcase, I stared for a moment before turning to address them without feeling.

      “So, what do we do?” My words ensured their worst fears. Loki would not bring back Thor and he was certainly hiding something big. Something that not even I could make out.

      “First we ensure the safety of Asgard. Should there be war, we make certain people are in their homes and warriors are on guard,” Volstagg stood, patting Sif on the shoulder.

      “We cannot trust the guards, they’re sworn to obey Loki.” She added.

      “We won’t be able to reach the Queen either.” Fandral looked up at me.

      “So, it’s just us for now.” I looked at my friends.

      “I can ensure the security of the healing room…and spread word to those who work in the palace that they must head for safety,” Moira offered. “I know everyone, they’ll be out of the way.”

      “You should start now,” I nodded and she got up, pressing my hand before leaving. Moira always felt of certainty and light. It was reassuring.

      “Today we work to make Asgard some form of battle ready.” Sif began. “Tomorrow, we should speak with some contacts around Asgard. See if Loki really can get something in or out without Heimdall. Any ideas?”

      “Rifts are possible but finding and using them are extremely difficult. Loki must have been working for years on a way to. Moreover, hiding it all from Heimdall is…well, it’s supposed to be impossible except…” The realization caused me to fall backwards against the cushioned area of my window. “By the nine…Nerien…”

      “Slow down,” Fandral eased, coming to my side.

      “Nerien and his people could shield themselves from Heimdall. Loki had to have begun his studies after that…” I looked up. “Nerien’s people ensured it was possible, Loki must have jumped at that. I should have seen it better.”

      “Can we trust the gatekeeper?” Volstagg asked.

      “We can’t risk it yet, he’s sworn to Loki as well,” Sif shook her head.

      “I need to go to the healing room,” I jumped up, fingers squeezing together. “Do what you can today, avoid Loki at all costs.”

      “What of you?” Fandral’s words stopped me.

      “I act as though nothing is wrong,” I replied. “Loki is going to be busy, I’ll likely not see him a lot today. I’ll go to the library and see if anything there can give us answers.”

      “Be careful,” Sif crossed her arms. “We meet up again tomorrow.”

      “Go, do what you must.” I nodded before we parted ways. I practically ran to the healing room and almost bumped into Elisif. “I need to speak with Eir.”

      “That room. You alright?”

      “Yes, thank you.” I rushed passed healers and saw Eir working alone before I slammed the door. “Those vials of blood you took from me, where are they?”

      “Why are you-?” Eir saw my frantic state and nodded for me to come over. She unlocked a case behind her desk and looked for a moment. “Here,” she peered in a small box and ran her fingers over the tiny bottles before pausing. “I… _Oh_ …I was certain I took five… There are only three here.” We locked eyes when she moved to hand me the box before I turned quickly.

      “Nevermind, I have to go.”

      “What is going on?” She tried but I was out the door in a flash, cradling the box to my chest. Loki stole my blood. He studied it. He took some knowledge Nerien had entrusted me with. My eyes flooded with angry tears while I rushed down the hallway and back to my room. I’d given Loki the means to do this. I’d failed Loki. I’d failed Nerien. I was failing myself. Locking my bedroom door, I slumped down against it to hold myself after realizing Elise was still there waiting for me. She rushed to my side and held me when I began to cry.

      “What happened?” She tried softly but I kept crying. “It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me. Just let it out.” She smoothed my hair back and rocked me while I sobbed for a while. Everything was so wrong. Every terrible voice in my head was screaming at me. I cried for while longer before trying to quiet myself. Naaki peered out of her hiding spot and crawled into my lap, nudging at me like she always did when I was like this.

      “Elise,” I pulled away and began to wipe my tears. “I need you to leave the palace until this ends.”

      “I don’t want to go.”

      “You have to.” I picked up my cat and the box before I got up to hide it in a chest. Elise stood behind me after I locked it and allowed Naaki to climb onto a shelf above me. “It is safer for you elsewhere.”

      “Please…”

      “You can’t stay here,” I reasoned.

      “I…I won’t!” She swallowed and made herself a little taller.

      “It isn’t safe!” I retorted.

      “I won’t! I won’t leave you!” Elise found her fight and gave me a hard look. The first one I’d ever seen on her.

      “ _Fine_ ,” I caved. “But, if you’re not with me, you must stay by the healing room. Understand?” Elise looked at me before abruptly tossing her arms around my waist. Slightly stunned, I recovered after a moment and put my arms around her. Elise felt the way a daisy looked when it was being caressed by the wind. Despite what had happened to her, she was beautiful on the inside. It made me happy to know I had surrounded myself with such brave and beautiful people. Damaged in their own way, but still so great. I longed for Loki to find such a thing. Loki deserved a good life. He just wasn’t willing to fight for it the way others were and truth be told, he had no idea what he wanted anymore. Uncertainty could be a harsh thing.

** ** **

      After wasting the day in the library and finding nothing of use, I got Elise to leave me after dinner. The table was rather silent and half empty. I waited for Loki as people bid me goodnight. The warriors and I didn’t speak, barely making eye contact. Clasping my hands together, I smiled instinctively when Loki left the conversation he was in to walk me out.

      “Will you be busy tonight?” I asked after a moment of silent steps.

      “Not until the morning.” Loki looked at me and smiled like a prince once more. “I realize that his has been difficult on you… I want you to know that I appreciate your efforts.” His words stopped me.  _Look at you_ , I thought,  _saying the perfect words. Like always._ Loki took my hand and for once felt somewhat at ease. His mind was in shambles but he was  _here_. With me. I didn’t know if I was the cause of his peace or if it was because he actually believed his lies at times. But, I knew that perhaps the few moments Loki found something to like within himself was when he was acting like a person Thor or I would love endlessly. Fool. We loved him regardless.

      “I just want to be there for you,” my reply was perfect as well. The man I loved betrayed me. This perfect prince of mine put ruin to everything we have built. I had to remind myself to breathe as he followed after me. The walls of my bedroom turned red for a moment before I snapped back when my lock clicked. I wanted to throttle him for answers.  _Why? Why have you done this? Why couldn’t you just let us be happy? Why couldn't you let us find that together?_ Loki was behind me, moving my hair to kiss my neck. Naaki hopped off her perch and went into my closet to sleep like I’d betrayed her somehow. I tried to feel the answers I wanted through Loki’s touches but they didn’t come. My dress slipped down and his hand found my breast.  _Oh, yes. I’d let him have me tonight._  I’d make him stare at my face and remember my name. Abruptly, I let my hand slip back to grab him through his pants, rougher than I should have.

      “ _Mmff_!” Loki jumped in surprise and I got onto the sofa, turning to look at him before I lifted the back of my dress over my thighs. The relentless voices in my head told me I was in danger, only a few told me I was in control. I didn’t care. Loki surged forward, arms smoothing around my front to hold me against his chest before he sank his teeth into my shoulder.

      “ _Just do it,”_  I rasped when his fingers fisted at my dress. Still in most of our clothing, Loki adjusted himself before yanking my underwear down over my knees. Legs together, I leaned against the back of the couch as he positioned himself and plunged inside me. It hurt worse than the first time we had sex. My body wasn't aroused. I tightened around him and immediately arched when he began to move. The pace was rushed and messy, we both moaned out. Loki murmured my name after every little kiss he pressed against my spine. I kept rhythmically clenching my walls around him and moving in tune with his thrusts. Waiting to feel his thighs begin to quiver, it was then that I pulled forward and he slipped out of me. I turned my upper body and grabbed him to bring him down for a harsh kiss, pushing my tongue into his mouth.

      “ _Sweetheart_ ,” he breathed and I yanked his hair back, bending his body until he reclined back against the couch.

      “Don’t call me  _that_ ,” I straddled his legs. “My name. I want to hear my name.” Lost in pain and desire, he obliged. This was all just a game. An excruciating game I never really wanted to play. It was really more of a joke. A big one. _He made a pretty, pretty fool of you,_  my stepfather’s voice kept pounding into my brain. I almost started sobbing right then when Loki looked up at me with love in his eyes.

       _“How dare he, yes?”_  Nerien spoke behind my ear.  _“You’re looking to be out of arrows. Fill his chest with roses.”_

      Sighing, I leaned over and kissed Loki’s neck before sucking until I left a mark. I trailed down to his partially exposed collar and did the same. Tugging at his clothing until I got him to shrug out of them, I left him bare for me. Loki gasped and bucked with need. I bit and suckled until his flesh was covered with evidence of me.

       _“What would you have done with your greatest creation?”_  Nerien spoke again.  _“Kept it in a cage like your mother before you? Like your prince could do now?_ ”

       _I’d tell it that it deserved better._

_I’d tell it I’m so sorry._

_I’d show it I tried._

_I’d tell it to run. Run far away. Should you return, I’ll prove that I am better than I was. I don’t deserve a chance but, I'd hope for one. That is your choice._

      When Loki dared look at me, I grabbed his shaft and stroked him roughly until he came without warning all over his stomach. He’d grasped my hips and moaned out my name as strings of cum dripped against his skin. With my hand still covered in his seed, I grabbed his jaw as he struggled to draw breath. He felt numb. I think I did to.

      “Lie me against the bed,” I swallowed when his eyes slid to mine. Loki summoned his strength and sat up before sweeping me up with him when he stood. I locked my legs around his waist before we tumbled against the sheets. For a moment, I thought they were burning around us. We sank into them together before he kissed me, softly this time. He purred my name and undressed me like he was picking the petals off a flower. He kissed every inch of exposed skin he could and my eyes watered when he mapped out a path between my legs. Shifting up my body to envelope me in his arms, our eyes met when he pushed back inside me. It was sweet and warm and passionate and everything it should have been. I almost believed for a moment that we’d found each other again but tomorrow would be another day. We’d both betray each other. We’d do it over and over against until we loved it. I held him close as a last minute plea to come back, to stop whatever he would do next. To show him that I’d always be his and he’d always be mine, no matter what we did. Loki’s hand wandered between my legs and my spine curved. I’d stated once that some souls can latch onto a place, even in death. I always believed that the same applied to live beings. I’d latched onto Loki and he to me and no horror could ever pull that apart. I just had to ensure that my signature was burned into his heart. I would make him remember. It could take an eternity. But, no matter how much I wished to fight against this, I was game.

      So Loki came whining my name and came gasping his. We laid together, bodies melting into one for a moment before he told me he loved me and that he’d always need me and that he’d always want me. I could only offer the truth in return.

      “I love you too.”

** ** **

      When I jolted awake, the room was still pitch black under the cloak of night. Shifting when it unsettled me, I reached for the candle next to my bed and waved my hand tiredly to light it. Sitting up, I held the candle and took in my room for a moment to collect myself before turning to illuminate Loki’s body. He looked beautiful like this. Sleeping peacefully. Nude. Hair splayed against the pillow with one arm up next to his head. His skin glowed under the candlelight and I inched closer to look at my prince. Wax dripped onto his stomach suddenly and I gasped but he didn’t move. Instead, it turned the flesh blue where the wax met his skin; seeping out to crawl along his body. Loki slowly transformed into his Jotun self before my eyes and I couldn’t move.

      “Am I dreaming?” I asked aloud before his eyes shot open, bright red and staring at me. Loki sprang up from the bed and away from me in an instant.

      “You’re not supposed to see me,” he hissed, “not like this.” I dropped the candle when he began to run and I chased after him. My doors closed me in after he escaped and fused together, transforming into a mirror. I was wearing my wedding dress to be. Frightened, I pushed against the mirror and called out.

      “Loki!” Water began to drip from the ceiling until it was pouring, soaking my dress and filling the room. Frantically, I paddled with my arms and pressed my hands over the glass until it tarnished under my touch and cracked. Moving in slow motion, the water and I fell through the hole until I sank to the bottom of this abyss, trying hard to swim up but the forces kept me from it. Across from me on the ocean floor was Thor, a chain around his neck with the other end attached to Mjolnir. He was trying frantically to lift it, kicking. I tried to call out. He didn't hear me. Thor couldn't lift the hammer, leaving him trapped under the water. Trapped with me.  _Unworthy_. When I attempted to swim to him, I was cast away into another scene before I burst from the surface and crawled to shore.

       _Where am I?_  It was snowing in this desolate wasteland of ice. I held up my dress and trudged through the snow; for a moment, it felt peaceful. A sudden echo of a cry caused me to run until I came upon a quiet temple I recognized from a vision. Jotunheim. A Jotun baby sobbing on the floor with a mere rag cradling him stopped me. I kneeled and picked him up, holding him close to my chest. He was tiny and weak. I stroked his cheek until his sobs turned to silent whimpers before he looked at me and smiled just a little. Walking with him clutched in my arms, the wind and snow did little to faze me. Near a cliff, I came upon another Jotun with his back to me. Terribly skinny and small while he sat in the snow and held himself as he shook erratically. Carefully, I rounded him and realized it was Loki. His hair was longer and scraggly but it was him.

      “Loki?”

      “Why do you fight?” He almost sounded like Nerien. Instead, I got on my knees and inched closer to him. “It hurts when I am here.” Loki met my gaze with red eyes before I shifted to put the baby in his arms. “No! Get it away from me.” He shook his head and choked a sob when I maneuvered his arms around the baby.

      “Hold him,” I breathed, my hands not leaving him. Loki clenched his teeth and stared at the baby. “Hold him close to you. Don't make the mistake I did.”

      “Why do you fight?”

      “So others can fight a little less,” I raised my gaze to his face. “Because it is right… Because I’ve known nothing else.” Loki traced his finger along the baby’s cheek.

      “If it is right,” Loki looked from the child to me, “will you kill me, sweetheart?”

      “No,” I exhaled.

      “You’ll lose yourself trying to find me,” Loki rasped gently.

      “You’ll never forgive yourself if that happens,” I replied, “no matter where you are.” Loki set his forehead against the baby’s forehead, closing his eyes for a moment.

      “Will he ever forgive me?” He quivered, eyes cracking open to gaze at me.  _I would know_.

      “Always.” I paused. “If you allow it.”

      “Will you?”

      “I can,” I pulled my hands from him finally before continuing. “It hurts when you go.”

      “If I am gone,” Loki began, “what good is it to fight for someone you do not even know?”

      “It just seems to be something I do,” I wanted to chuckle. “Life is precious. I will never let you waste it. You helped me set a path to find myself again. You are one of the many beautiful reasons that I stand here as I am now… I believe I…” I trailed off when I remembered something before simply explaining myself. “Payment in full.”

      “Shall be begin, sweetheart?” Loki caressed my cheek.

      “Your move.” I shuddered when he touched my head, thumb smoothing against my hairline.

      “Did you ever think it would come to this?”

      “We chose this.” I didn’t miss a beat and he smirked before pushing me back with such force, I expected to smash into the floor but I fell through it and jolted up in bed. The sun was rising and Loki was gone from the bed. I didn’t know how early he’d left me here but if he had plans, I imagine he barely slept at all. I thought of Thor and what he must be going through. Thor would have to find his own way home and I would do the same.

** ** **

      “I don’t want to leave you on your own with him,” Elise muttered while she fixed my hair. “Have you spoken to the others?” The day had been ticking by as usual though I hadn’t spoken to Loki in person yet. He’d find me.

      “I met with Moira briefly in the healing room. I’ll see the warriors soon. We’ll discuss things at that time. It isn’t safe.” I looked out the window and idly turned to look at my door before exhaling and staring at my reflection. Elise tilted her head and lowered her voice.

      “What is it?” She paused. “What’s your plan while they’re out?”

      “I wait.”

      “For what?” She furrowed her brow and I tapped my fingers on my vanity, clearing my throat.

      “Loki.” I watched Naaki pace atop one of my bookcases, perching herself there to stare down at us. “I have a task for you.” I stood up and searched for the small box with vials of my blood. Quickly, I removed them and put them in Elise’s palm, closing my hands around her own. “Take these to the healing room. Moira should be there, I need you to have her destroy them.”

      “And if someone asks where I’m headed?”

      “Ah, yes, just take these books,” I pushed three small novels into her arms. “Just say I sent you to return these to the library. Don’t go there alone. After you get to the healing room, don’t go anywhere alone. I’ll meet you there once I speak to the warriors.”

      “Yes,” Elise looked at me and nodded, grasping the books tighter before she hid the vials away in her pocket. “You need anything else?”

      “No, I’ll see you later.”

      “All right,” she turned to cross my room, opening the door only to gasp in surprise when Loki stood there, peering down at her. Elise dropped a book at his feet and he stared intently at her then me before chuckling.

      “It was not my intention to frighten your lady-in-waiting. Allow me.” Loki picked up the book and Elise reached out but he pulled back to look at the cover last minute.

      “Forgive me, your majesty,” she found herself and bowed as I came forward.

      “You’ve neglected to return this one for months,” Loki gazed past her and to me, causing me to smile instantly. “Why now?”

      “Just trying to keep busy. The grounds and palace are so empty today. Can’t see a person out my window for miles.” I watched him inch the book toward Elise before pulling back once more. There was a slow beat.

      “Yes, tensions are quite high.”

      “Is there any word from…?”

      “No, not yet. I have our best warriors prepared though, I assure you.” Loki smirked at Elise and offered her the book.

      “Thank you, your majesty,” Elise rounded him and he was still staring directly at me before he stopped her in the hallway.

      “ _Elise_.”

      “...Yes?” Her head turned slowly back to him and he didn’t bother looking at her.

      “I am afraid that the library is the other way, my dear.”

      “ _Oh_ , yes, forgive me,” she squeaked out and fluttered the other way. I hoped she could figure something else out but, I wanted her to get to the healing room safely.

      “Easy to get lost here,” I watched Loki close my door and lock it. The click was louder than intended. I grasped my hands and we stared at each other a moment before he smiled and set his staff to the side.

      “Yes, I remember you never being able to find your way.”

      “Got stuck trailing after you,” I jested lightly so he came forward to slide his hands around my waist. Our skin touched when he embraced me and tension surged up my spine. “When did you get up this morning? I missed you.”

      “Quite early, had many little visits to make.” Loki paused, his hand trailed through some of my hair before smoothing it behind my shoulder.

      “Oh?”

      “I missed you as well.” Loki settled one hand on my shoulder while the other caressed up to touch my neck. He felt…cold. He pulled me in for a kiss and I opened my eyes to see the door behind him.

       _“Can you feel his eyes on your body?”_  Nerien came into my view. Loki’s other hand was shifting to circle my neck so I pulled back and grinned for him.

      “Have you spoken to your mother today?” My shoulder twitched under the weight of his grasp as he looked down at my collar.

      “No, there’s no getting her to rest today.” Loki replied and tugged playfully at the chain around my neck before inching it up with one finger so he could see the ornate key hanging from it. “Remember when I gave you this? I assure you there’s more than one use for it.” I felt the chain squeeze around my neck briefly and locked my eyes to his before he released it. “You’re clever. I’m sure you’ll discover it.”

      “So many secrets,” I exhaled, touching his arm before I shifted back to open my balcony door. “It’s far too stuffy in here, I need some fresh air.” I looked at Asgard and felt Loki’s gaze on my back.” Isn’t it lovely?” My fingers held the doors tightly before I forced myself to release them when he came up behind me.

      “I should really get you something to go with that little charm,” his arms crept around me and I stared at my home; one idle tear slipped down my cheek when he kissed my shoulder. His pale hand smoothed over my dress sleeve, trailing down slowly. “You know I love you, right?”

      “Yes.”

      “You know I’d do anything within my power to protect you…right?”

      “Yes.” I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes as he held me closer to take in the scent of my hair before he uttered his final words.

      “You know that I have to do this, right?”

      “ _No_!” I was jerked back when Loki’s palm covered my mouth before his other hand latched around my wrist. Something familiar closed around it as I scrambled and was tossed back against the bed. “Loki!” I gasped, eyeing the familiar metal cuff Nerien had once put on me. I remembered suddenly that Loki had been the one to take it away. I stared up at him with wide eyes and no magic to use on him. “Tell me why?”

      “You know why.”

      “I’m offering you one last chance, bring back Thor and-”

      “Why?! Why does this always come back to Thor?!” Loki lost it suddenly and advanced on me. “I’m the one on the throne. I’m the one in charge! I wield the power and I will do what we should have done ages ago! Father will finally see the potential that was wasted for all these years. And you are with me or you are in my way. I’ll give you until sundown to choose.” I jumped up and grabbed Loki’s clothing.

      “Look at me. Look at what you’ve done! It's not too late.” My breathing sped and smoke was practically filling my lungs. “If you think you’ll end up above all this, you haven’t been paying attention. We can stop this. We can.”

      “ _We_? No, sweetheart. There is no stopping this.” Loki chuckled, grasping my neck and squeezing. “And now what can you do without your magic to keep you saf- _Ahh_!” I slammed the metal cuff into the side of his face to get him off me. Falling back, Loki pressed a tight hand to his cheek and let out a primal yell before charging toward me only to arch up when Naaki jumped on his back. She hissed and clawed at the back of his neck, biting him harshly and I managed to get to my feet before he grabbed her little body and tossed her on the bed. Loki’s neck was bleeding and he summoned his staff before using magic to toss me away from the door. Naaki growled low and Loki snarled. “I knew I should have gotten rid of this thing when I had the chance.” We both moved at the same time. I leapt onto the bed and swept my cat up in one motion before bounding for the back door. Loki grabbed for me and missed when I jumped off the balcony, turning midair to look back at his livid expression. With Naaki in one arm, I grabbed at a windowsill and watched Loki point the staff at me.

      “Loki,” I shook my head, straining to hold on and he hesitated. Merely staring at me, Loki practically scoffed and tilted his chin up.

      “Sundown.” He turned and left me there as I kicked and struggled to pull myself up to another balcony. I darted inside the palace with Naaki in my arms. Loki would hide. Then he would find me. I couldn’t trust anyone in here. He would use those I love against me.

      “Elise,” I gasped, running toward the healing room. I burst inside and every healer turned to look at me.

      “So it is true.” Moira rushed forward and took me by the arms. Nazir helped me sit down and I thanked him.

      “What happened?” Eir paced in with Elisif at her side.

      “You’ve all been betrayed is what happened,” Faleen stepped out of a room.

      “Where is Elise? She was supposed to come here?!” I jolted up.

      “She never arrived,” Elisif was checking me over. It was strange to be touched and not feel anyone truly with the cuff. Stranger that I didn't like it. Other healers began scrambling to set up equipment and bar the windows.

      “You all need to leave the palace.”

      “With all due respect, if there is a battle…the healers will do what they can no matter the danger.” Asta clasped her hands. “You know this, hon.”

      “She’s right.” Moira nodded.

      “Should any of you wish to go, we will not blame you.” Eir looked around and no man or woman moved. “We will resume business as usual. Trust no one outside this room until we-”

      “We assume you do not mean to mistrust us?” Volstagg opened the balcony door. Outside, Hogun was tying off a floating vessel as Sif and Fandral moved inside. Fandral made a beeline for me while I clutched my cat close.

      “He did it but he didn’t admit to anything specific.” I explained. “But, there is one thing, Loki alluded to destroying Jotunheim…”

      “I don’t understand. First, we’re on the brink of a war that has not yet begun and then he wants to destroy them completely? What is he playing at?” Sif was holding a sort of long tool with a blinking device on the end.

      “No matter, this device with close any rifts around Asgard. It is temporary but we need to bide time until Odin awakes or we get Thor back.” Sif gestured. “We need to fly out now, the trip will take some time. After this, Loki’s only chance of letting anyone in is through Heimdall.”

      “We should pray it doesn’t come to that,” Volstagg helped a short woman reach to set the last row of bars on a high window.

      “We need to go now,” Fandral was pulling me up.

      “Can you put her somewhere safe?” I kissed Naaki’s head. My brave little beast. The tiny cat likely saved my life back there, Loki was wrong again. Naaki was as fearsome as any battle cat. She meowed and Elisif smiled before taking her away from me. Swallowing, I wanted to cry suddenly.

      “Stay safe, ladies, gentlemen,” Volstagg bowed his head and moved to follow Sif and Hogun out.

      “Elise is in the palace still and I need to get her before Loki can,” I dragged back somewhat but Fandral shook his head.

      “No, I won’t leave you at his mercy.”

      “I can find Elise,” Moira tried from behind me as healers rushed around in the room. Fandral was pulling me along the balcony. “Faleen and I can look.” She took her lover’s hand and they nodded.

      “No, Fandral, stop!” I jerked away and he looked confused. The warriors behind him ceased as well. “You have to go without me.” I held up my wrist, the cuff gleamed in the sunlight. “I don’t even have magic. I need to get it back. Loki has the key.”

      “You’re not safe here.”

      “I’m not safe anywhere,” I touched his face. He was begging and shaking his head. “I need to stay. I can bide time for you all until we meet again. Go now.”

      “No,” Fandral grasped my arms, his eyes sparkled with tears. “I won’t leave you. I won’t leave my best lady.” I pressed my lips to Fandral’s cheek and sniffed to hold myself together.

      “It’s okay. It’s going to be all right.”

      “You are lying,” Fandral tried to smirk but tears rolled down his cheeks.

      “Sif.” I stared at Fandral as she came forward and tugged him back.

      “Come, we have to go.” Sif understood and clutched my shoulder briefly. “Don’t die.”

      “I’ll give it my best.” I pulled from Fandral and he struggled but Volstagg and Hogun grabbed him as well. They stared at me with matching expressions of hope and worry.

      “We cannot just leave her!” Fandral has tried to nurture and protect me for my entire life. He tugged at my wrist still until they got him into the vessel.

      “Time to let go,” I breathed, voice cracking.

      “We’ll come back for you, I promise.” Fandral held me tighter. “We’ll come back for you.” I shifted forward and pressed my forehead against his.

      “I know you will. I know.” I took the opportunity to pull away and they zoomed off. Fandral shouted to protest but I smiled sadly and put my hand to my heart as they disappeared. Turning to go into the healing room, I got myself together.

      “Stay here. If I don’t come back, please, don’t come looking for me.” I turned to look at Moira and she reached out to touch my face.

      “You’ve grown so much, you know?” She smiled. “The cards are always right.”

      “Anything you read into tell you about all of us surviving today, Moira?”

      “I’m not a miracle worker, I’m afraid.” Moira was pulling the pendulum charm she always wore on a cord off her neck. “Hold out your hand.” The red crystal was struck by light as she held it over my hand. Faleen and I watched her think a moment as the pointed crystal spun and gravitated toward me. “You’ll be needing this,” she shifted to put it around my neck. “For good luck.”

      “Take care of each other,” I nodded. “Thank you.”

      “We always do. Don’t die.” Faleen tilted her chin up at me and I smiled slightly.

      “I don’t want to upset you or Sif. I’ll be back.” With that, I raced from the room.

** ** **

      Elise had hid behind a shelf when she heard the footsteps, setting her hands over her lips to stifle the fear. She knew she shouldn’t have disobeyed. But, she knew Loki would come for her and she didn’t want him to take anyone from the healing room to use as well. The steady sounds drew up the stairs before it went terribly silent. Books suddenly flew out next to her shoulder and she about screamed, racing down the row before more followed and scattered the floor. Gasping, Elise ran between long shelves and tried to hide again but the relentless footsteps always found her. They never rushed like they were taunting her.  _Help me._  Turning a corner, Elise whimpered when Loki stood there, eyes blazing as he backed her into a wall.

      “ _Shh_ ,” he put a finger to his lips. “It’s alright. You know, she would be  _so very proud_  of you. What did she task you with?”

      “I was to return the books, your highness,” Elise couldn’t look at his face.

      “It is _your majesty_. Do not lie to me now,” Loki tilted his head. “Did she give you something before I sent you in another direction? Hm?” In the corner, Elise had no way around his imposing figure.

      “You are not my King...and it’s too late.” Her voice was little before she glanced up with a tear-stained, red face. “They’re gone.”

      “ _They_?”

      “The blood.”

      “What did you do with them, Elise?” Loki looked down at her dress and realized that the skirts were wet.

      “I crushed them under a rock in a stream just outside the palace before coming here.” She watched anger flare over Loki’s face before he looked calm.

      “No matter, I got what I wanted from them a long time ago.” Loki paused. “What I really came here for was you. She’ll come for you.”

      “How do you know?”

      “I’ve been in her mind, she’ll put a great importance on protecting you.” Loki paused. “She needs you to be safe and she won’t be able to live with herself otherwise. Moreover, going after her other little friend, Moira, was far too risky. I don’t plan on hurting you, I just need you around. Now come with me.” Loki grasped Elise’s arm and pulled her with him. “I’ll let all that lying you did go as well. Forgive and forget, correct?” Loki chuckled triumphantly and Elise struggled.

       _“Do you not care?!”_  She pleaded.  _“Do you not care about her?!”_  Loki stopped in his tracks when the familiar words dawned on him before he glanced back at her.

      “What did you say?” His voice was airy while he blinked several times. It almost didn’t sound like her saying the words. Elise pulled at his hand with her free one and he didn’t budge. Loki came back to himself and turned, forcing her along with him. “Her damn guardians,” he whispered, “always in my way.”

** ** **

      The upper floors of the library were a mess when I got there.  _No_. I picked up a sprint after tossing my heeled shoes aside.  Loki wanted me to come and he knew I would this way. I had no choice. Without shoes or magic, I raced into his room only to see him and Elise sitting at his table. Elise gasped my name and tried to stand but Loki used magic to get her to sit.

      “I’m here now,” I clenched my fists, “let her go.”

      “Would you like some wine, sweetheart?” Loki nonchalantly stood and I shouted.

      “Let her free!”

      “No. My rules.” Loki gestured. “Sit, come celebrate my time as King. We can toast.” Breathing heavily, I kicked over one of his tables and he didn’t seem too bothered.

      “Stop this! Please!” I tugged at my hair. “…What have you become?”

      “You seem agitated, my queen, come drink some wine.” Loki gestured and I looked at Elise before sliding into a seat. I watched him put something more in my drink and tears filled my eyes.

      “Elise, are you all right? Are you okay?” I took her face and she nodded quickly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you into this.”

      “You would make a fine mother,” Loki set my glass on the table and I stopped crying. I couldn’t right now. “I’ve never told you that. Once upon a time, I could have been a father. With you, I’m sure that I would not have been terrible at it.”

      “No, you wouldn’t have,” I agreed, teeth clenching. Sadness filled every void within my body. I had to play his game by his rules. Right now, I had to.

      “I let you into my very soul. You’ve broken into my walls and now you have many of my secrets.”

      “I gave as well,” I picked up the glass when Loki motioned for me to.

      “A toast. To celebrate a new age for Asgard with me at the helm as its rightful King. And to my queen, forever to be at my side.” Loki was deluding himself. I stared up at him, vacant, before raising my glass.

      “What, in life, does not deserve celebrating?” I stared at the glass and downed the whole thing. Loki watched me, not bothering to drink his own. Dropping the glass against the floor, I felt the effects immediately and heard Elise cry out for me before the world went black.

      What happened next came in small flashes. Water poured against my body. Someone held me up and cleaned my skin and hair. Lying against a bed, silken fabric smoothed over my flesh. My face was tilted up with force while a shaken hand held a small brush to my eyes then another to my lips. I lulled backwards and someone carried me away. How little time had passed? What would become of me? I tried to move my mouth every time I came back to myself but I could scarcely bend my fingers. The world was silent. Finally, I smelled food and barely came out of my haze.

      “Wha…” I tried before my head fell forward and someone pushed my shoulders back into the chair I was in. “Lo...ki.” I breathed and he smiled coolly.

      “I had dinner specially prepared for us, my queen.” He set a napkin in my lap and when I shifted, I realized there was a rope holding my hips down to the chair. Drugged up beyond all reason, I could scarcely think and Loki had to bend my arms to set them on the armrests of the chair. “You’ll have to hold yourself up now, my darling.”

      “Wha…Wha…er…you…?” My breathing was hushed. Everything felt slow. The room around me was moving under my eyes but I realized I was in the dining room. The doors were all shut and locked, I imagined. Lights faded together before I made out the illuminated green of Loki's eyes. The sharp points to his cheeks. His face became clear, menacing even under the soft glow of the room.

      “Now, now, no rush,” he put a fork in my hand. “Elise, why not pour her a bit of water?”  _Elise was here too. Focus._  Loki watched a tearful Elise pour before he went to sit down across from me. The table was long and simply set with a nice dinner of meats and other small items. “Elise is going to assist you and not interfere. Isn’t that right?”

      “Yes, your majesty,” Elise murmured before she held my face. She looked so afraid, I jolted to life weakly when we locked eyes. “Drink this.” She pushed me to swallow some water before dabbing my chin with a cloth. “Drink more,” came her whisper and I listened, gulping.

      “Doesn’t my queen look lovely tonight?” Loki interrupted us, resuming his own meal cordially.

      “Yes,” Elise stood next to me and I looked down at my dress. It was the same vibrant green of Loki’s eyes. Sleeves were strapped to my shoulders before showing some skin and then falling loosely down my arms. The dress clung to my waist, showing off my curves before flowing out. There was a long slit down my front that threatened to expose my breasts and I realized quickly that I wasn’t wearing any garments under the fabric, as well as no shoes. The train of the dress pooled long around my chair. It was silky and beautiful and I felt like an exposed vein in it. The only things in place that were mine were my two necklaces, rising and falling while I drew in slow breaths. Hair fell into my face as I leaned forward again but Elise pulled me back and forced me to drink more.

      “Loki?” I choked out. Soft music played behind me and candles flickered on the table.  _Look at us, playing pretend._  “How?”

      “You know I spoke with my father today? This morning actually while you slept. Concealing myself from the gatekeeper was something I perfected with the help of you and your elf. But, I’m sure you’ve figured that. Heimdall was not pleased. I think he’s on to me. It won’t matter after this.” Loki sipped some wine and I stared distantly at him. The awareness for my surroundings was not coming back easily. “My father looked at me and you know what I saw? Nothing. I was just a flea of an Asgardian to him.”

      “You…You don’t need him,” I inhaled sharply.

      “Oh, but, I did plenty of times. Even now, he is pivotal in this.” Loki stared at me. “Given the chance, you would deny me what I want most.”

      “Never,” I drooped lower, trying to focus on him. “But, you have…no idea what you want. I don’t…think you ever did… I understood that once. I tried to. But, I cannot any longer. You want power? Knowledge? You want to…to impress Odin? You want the world on their knees? And yet, you don't want to be alone? But, you also want to keep Thor. Keep…Keep me by your side. You’re lost.”

      “I’ll not have you say that name at this table,” Loki hardened but I forced myself to keep going.

      “You had it all, Loki. Is it really not enough? Or…Or do you think that _you’re_ not enough? You think that…that you know all you need to about your loved ones? Why not turn that perception on yourself? Gaze hard and long, my love. Then again, perhaps you’re terrified of what you’ll see.” I heard Loki slam his goblet down.

      “Elise, more wine.”

      “You were never my monster…you were never Thor’s… Nor Frigga’s…Nor Odin’s. You…You are your own monster, Loki. And you cannot  _stand_  that. I know what it is like. There isn't enough magic to change what you see, Loki. You have to work at that yourself. Power clearly isn't everything. You still have a choice and you're wasting it. This is not how you want to be remembered.” I leaned back when Elise did as she was told, peering at me apprehensively from Loki’s side. “Nerien was right. About everything. I…I loathe him.”

      “Another name I’d rather not hear.” Loki motioned for Elise to join me again. “You say his name in your sleep sometimes. Were you aware of that?”

      “What?” I tilted my head.

      “You used to say mine. Not frequently but often enough. After what happened, you still spoke my name but on rare occasions I would hear a slight utter of his. This being who delighted in your trauma if it meant he could live on.” Loki stared elsewhere before he sat back and clasped his hands. “You always held feelings for him.”

      “I have the capacity…to love outside of you.” I swallowed more water. “I love you…and Nerien. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I'm foolish too and maybe he wasn't good. But, I cannot still my attachment and I'm so sorry that hurt you. I'm so sorry, Loki. I'm sorry I wasn't always mentally able to be there with you. It wasn't fair. I tried and I like to think that meant something."

       "You are here now." Loki relented. "Do not be sorry. I always understood even when I did not wish to. It does matter and it always will."

       "I love you. I love Nerien. I love Sif...and Fandral and Thor. Moira and Volstagg. Hogun. Faleen. Ysolda, that silly woman. I love you, Elise, as well. And our warriors and healers. I love Neiren’s people too, even now, I felt each and every one of them.  _He_  showed me how. I'm still learning to touch but when I hold on, I cannot let go. I love my damn mother. I love Frigga and perhaps I’m able to hold some affections for Odin. I love so very deeply that now…I can barely touch it. But, you knew that. I think…that you are just like…that as well. It hurts. It hurts in very vein and bone. I'd like to know…Loki, what part of you hurt most when Thor was ripped away to Midgard?”

      “Shut up!” He smacked his goblet aside and calmed himself. As he looked away from me, I slid my hand over a knife and set it in my lap.

      “Thor is out there longing for Asgard. Frigga and Odin. Our friends. But, it's you he dreams of the most. This, I know. Is this all really worth it to you?” I paused and looked at the sky outside, the sun was setting slowly. “Do you remember…the lanterns? Were you frightened of me then? Of telling me the truth?” Carefully, I turned to peer at his face when my head grew heavy. I needed these drugs out of my stomach. Elise kept forcing me to drink water but it wasn’t enough. “Do you fear me, even now? At the present moment, I'm afraid you should.”

      “My sweet Queen.” Loki mused softly. “Such growth you’ve made. Do you believe you’re more powerful than I? I am far stronger than you. I taught you all.” Loki was a damned mess, I could see it on his face but he wasn’t letting up. Forever hiding behind that smirk I knew.

      “Not all. Not by a long shot. You…You are only stronger in one way, Loki.” I paused to collect myself as Elise put her hand on my shoulder. “There are many and I…I am stronger than you in every other one.”

      “ _Hm_ ,” his smirk barely faltered. “Well, right now, I’m stronger in the way that matters.”

      “It doesn’t,” I clutched at the knife in my hand when Elise’s grasp on me tighten. “It doesn’t matter…” When Elise made me drink, she dabbed my chin with a cloth once more and looked into my eyes. I didn’t have time to react. She took the back of my head and forced two fingers down my throat. Instantly, I gagged so she guided my head over the chair and let me vomit on the floor.

      “What  _exactly_  did I tell you?” Loki sighed deliberately and stood, his chair skidding.

      “I’m sorry!” Elise was frantic and she forced me to throw up more drugs. “Please! Look at me and let it out! Focus!”

      “Stand back, girl.” Loki stared but she kept at it until he began to approach. Elise scrambled back against the floor when he stopped to take my chin tightly. Dazed, I felt him wipe my lips before forcing some wine down my throat. It bubbled and he cupped my chin with a napkin before droplets could spill further. I couldn’t fight. I had to get a hold of myself. “Are you there, sweetheart? Witness what happens to those who dare go against me.”

      “Loki,” I breathed, “don’t do this. Come back to me.”

      “Perhaps another day.” He moved out of sight and I managed to cut the rope off around my hips, falling to the floor once I got up. Still dizzy, I made out the sight of Loki approaching Elise on the floor. I tried to crawl and grasped the back of Loki’s cape; he turned and bent down to me. “I should have just loved you long before I first stated it. I was a fool.”

      “I’m here,” I croaked. “Don’t do this.”

      “Why? Because you love me?” _No._

      “Because I know you have the capacity to do better!” I felt Loki grab the knife from my hand and toss it aside.

      “Don’t cut yourself, sweetheart, you’re long past that game.” He stood and turned to go toward Elise, who was paralyzed with fear on the other side of the room. She ripped at a handle and slid to the tile floor. My head fell against the cold ground, eyes squeezing shut to just get myself fully together. I could barely move myself, everything was shaking.

       _“Am I supposed to be impressed with you?”_  A voice I hadn’t heard entered my brain. I looked up at a beautiful dark elf with curls. I recognized her face. _“Nerien told me you were a fighter. So fight! Get up!”_ I blinked at Karliah and forced myself to my feet.  _“Come on. On your feet! Move! Save that girl.”_ I stumbled forward in a rush and tossed my arms around Loki’s waist, slipping down so they were wrapped around one of his thighs. I pressed to him and held tightly, shaking my head.

      “I won’t stop,” I looked up at Loki, “you’ll have to kill me to get me to stop fighting. You can’t, can you?” We locked eyes and I was breathing heavily. “ _Sentiment_.” In a fury, Loki grabbed me by the forearms and yanked me to my feet.

      “You want to toy with the monster, I’ll show you the damn monster,” he tossed me back against the floor and I struggled to get up as he advanced. “Give up on me.”

      “No,” I was grabbed by the throat. “You’ll never pick a side and you’ll never get what you want because of that. You’re a scared, spoiled child trying to find something that’s been in front of your eyes for ages! You don't know how to do the hard thing and you're not willing to try. You won't win this!”

      “Silence!” Loki picked me up in an instant, trying to get me over his shoulder. My dress and hair flew out. I grasped for air with one hand. My other palm made contact with the side of his head, trying to struggle away from him but he pulled me closer. One of my sleeves tore, exposing my left breast before I gripped Loki’s hair. I elbowed him and fell backwards only for Loki to kneel over me with a dagger. “You’re always been in my way, in my heart. I cut Thor out, now it’s your turn. I'm in charge! I'm the hero of the story! I will save Asgard and if you're not with me, then so be it! The sun has set. Goodbye, my sweetheart.”

      “You will never forget me.” I whispered and suddenly, the right words came. “ _Hate me until you love it._ ” Loki, with tears in his eyes, let out a gasp that could have also been a sob.

      The knife came down and I screamed.

** ** **

      Fandral was running, Sif barely able to catch up. He kicked open a set of doors and the calm music that met his ears only made his horror grow. Elise was on the floor, holding herself while Loki advanced with a dagger in hand to another figure. Fandral saw his lady under the prince and raced toward them.

      “Hate me until you love it…” She had murmured before screaming, arm up to block the blade.

      Fandral didn’t feel the pain at first.

** ** **

      With a look of horror, I stared up at Fandral’s bright blue eyes before his blood dripped against my dress. After having dived between Loki and I, he looked at me and smiled.

      “How’s my face?”

      “Flawless, as always,” I muttered.

      “You damn fool,” Loki turned around quickly only to almost run into Sif.

      “ _Milord_ ,” she looked down at him and delivered a swift kick to his face. Loki was sent reeling away before Sif helped me ease Fandral to the floor on his side. The dagger had pierced through his ribcage and I tugged at the cuff on my wrist.

      “Get this thing off me so I can heal him! It's minor.” I pointed at Loki before Hogun and Volstagg grabbed for him, tearing a key from his pocket before tossing it. “See to Elise.” I got Sif to force her gaze from Loki before she ran to Elise’s side. “Fandral, this will hurt.” Loki was staring at me and breathing heavily, he was furious.

      “Not that I don’t love a reunion, but I have other places to be.” Using magic, he sent a blinding white light through the room and was gone when we came to.

      “No!” Sif jumped up. I used everything in me to heal the clean wound. Damn Asgardian bodies.

      “We’ll deal with him later!” I worked on Fandral as quickly as I could. Elise raced to my side and tossed her arms around my shoulders.

      “We must go find Thor,” Hogun decided then, looking down at the tiles.

      “It’s suicide,” Fandral sat up and I grasped his hand. “I’m fine, my lady.” Without warning, I kissed him lightly and pulled away just as fast.

      “That was for what you did. Don’t ever do it again.” I helped Elise to her feet. “We have to get out of here. Get me to my room.” I felt Elise tugging my sleeve back up to cover my breast.

      “Make haste,” Volstagg ushered us all out and we ran together up to my chambers, which proved safe.

      “Loki will have the guards on us within minutes.” Sif began before I went behind a screen and yanked off the dress to put on underclothes. I’d dropped the cuff and key into a drawer behind me. Maybe we’d find a use for it as he did.

      “Elise, help me into my armor.” Encouraged, she smiled and began to strap pieces on me. “Loki won’t do that yet. He has bigger plans.”

      “We have to get around Heimdall,” Fandral began.

      “He’s likely watching us now.” Volstagg looked around.

      “We have to try,” Sif clenched her fists. “Thor would do the same for us.”

      “Which brings me to this…” I paused, coming out from behind the screen. “You’re going to have to leave me here again.”

      “No!” Fandral urged instantly. “Why would you even-?”

      “You’ll need to trust me.” I let Elise braid my hair while I fixed the rest of my armor.

      “It may be too risky,” Volstagg tried and Sif nodded.

      “We won’t leave you, not this time-”

      “I’ve played Loki’s game,” I cut over Fandral. “Now it’s his turn to play mine. I'll bide time for you to get Thor.”

      “Loki isn’t a fair player,” Sif shrugged. “He had a big part of your training, he knows how you move, and I’m guessing he held a lot back from you.”

      “And I know how he moves.” I countered, fixing my vambrace before I flexed my fingers. “Besides, he doesn’t exactly know everything about me right now. Go, bring back Thor as fast as you can, my friends.” Sif was the first to move, clasping her hand around my forearm and I held her back. She believed in me.

      “Fight well,” she smirked. “Bring the bastard down.”

      “I’ll do my part. I know you’ll do yours.”

** ** **

      Nerves twisting, I started by walking Elise to the healing room and saying goodbye. Moira held me tight and begged to go with me but I refused. Then, I left my bow and arrows in my room after further debate, I wouldn’t need them now. With a curved blade on my hip and two more small daggers hidden away, I retrieved the tools I needed and made my way to Loki. The throne room was empty when I arrived and Loki was looking perfectly fine now with his helmet on and staff in hand. He'd been waiting.

      “You believe the warriors will get Thor back? Fools. They’ll have company.” Loki stood and I didn’t speak, merely setting one of the tools I’d brought before him. “You’re not tired of this game?”

      “Never. My rules,” I turned on my heel.

      “I sent the Destroyer, I hope you stated your goodbyes.”

      “Did you?” I countered and began to walk out. The golden halls of Asgard grew dull around me as wind blew inside. I knew Loki was in slow pursuit so I never looked back. Not needing to. I was so damn calm and poised while I walked and he trailed after me like he did so long ago. Loki’s insufferable gaze was latched to my back as we paced through the quiet grounds of Asgard. I remembered it well and the way the stars shined as they began to now. War was coming. But this, I haven’t know acceptance like this in a long while. Not since the last time he followed me out here and we shared something I didn’t know I believed in. Alone for a moment, I entered the colosseum and looked up at the darkened sky when torches and moonlight engulfed the area. I didn’t turn when he spoke out first in a slight whisper.

      “ _Evening_.” Loki waited until I peered over at him across the way, the simple fighting staff I’d offered him in hand. I held mine tightly and pulled my hood and cape away to toss them aside. Wind blew and for a moment, we just stared at each other. The stone around us blocked everything out and I felt my body vibrate with power. I didn't try to suppress it. “Why is it you’ve led us out here,  _sweetheart_?”

      “To give you one last chance,” I tilted my chin up. “Put a stop to this and walk away with me.”

      “Right now, I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to.” Loki smirked. “The events are already in motion. The Destroyer will dispose of Thor and his brave little followers. And let’s not forget our friends from Jotunheim. I dare say our warriors will have their hands full tonight as well.”

      “What have you done?” I paused. “For a damn  _chair_?”

      “You think I set out to steal a throne?”

      “I think when they granted it to you…you lost sight of everything important. I think your pursuit of knowledge and power consumed you. I think these new revelations twisted you onto a path that will burn you. You betrayed all of us. You did that before you were granted the throne and you know that. You’re in over your  _horns_ , Loki.” I watched him tilt his head at me, helmet and armor gleaming in the light. “What good is it to fight Jotunheim? Revenge? Revelation? This isn't about Asgard, it never was. It's about you. What good is it to turn on those who love you most? You’re a fool, Loki. I love you, but you’re a damn fool. Don’t do this. Please.”

      “And if I act on this, then what will my clever girl do? Pretend it never happened? Wait by my side when they lock me away for being the disappointment? Dote on me while I'm flogged in public? Hm?” Loki bared his teeth. “In truth, I am more so curious about your actions when I go through with this. We both know there’s no stopping me.”

      “I won’t let you.” I stood my ground. "You _used_ me. You manipulated Thor. All of us. You know this is wrong, Loki. I won't let you harm anyone else."

      “ _Oh_?” Loki’s eyebrows quirked up, voice lowering against the air. When he moved toward me, I stayed put.  _Never back down. Ever._  Loki touched my face like we were blissful lovers once more. “Have you come to kill me, sweetheart?” My fist tightened around my staff and I watched him closely. “No, you’ve come to change me with your  _love_. Both are impossible things.” Loki’s tone grew harsh, breath hitching just a little. Our eyes blazed into each other as I studied his expression. My voice dropped to a strong whisper when his thumb brushed a tear away that I didn’t know had fallen. It would be the last one I gave him. That's what I told myself.

      “I don’t believe in impossible things.” I was a fool as well, you see. Or truly brave. Or both. We moved at the same time for a last kiss that held every single thing we could have and should have been. I saw images of him laughing and touching me sweetly. My smiles and leaning my head against him. Every time we danced and cried. The days spent bringing each other up.  _Goodbye, my sweetheart._

       _“You were the first witness,”_  Nerien spoke to me like a sigh against the wind,  _“now you are the last of us.”_ Loki began to lean back but I shifted forward just as the sensation twirled up my spine and he cried out. I watched him stumble backwards and look into my black eyes before he gasped for air and smiled widely. Red light twirled around my fingertips, underscored by a sunset orange that seemed to follow it. Loki held his head up and chuckled at me as I shifted backwards.

      “When?” He inquired.

      “The whole time.”

      “Still didn’t know what I was planning?”

      “Your runes are rather good and I have a lot to discover about myself before I further read others.” I paused, head tilting as my eyes faded back to normal. “But, those runes are not _that_ good. You’ll never get me out of your head. I am going to eat your heart. Again and again. Forever.” Loki blinked and got himself back together while he stood fully and cracked his neck. “It isn’t my job to change you through love. It never was. That’s on you. I will not be something you chew and spit out. But, it is my job as an official warrior of Asgard to stop you.” I shifted to a fighting stance and Loki grew defensive. “But, first I’d like to say something I’ve thought for a long while.” I saw the prince swirling with fury and hardened my gaze at him.

      “You’re going to lose, sweetheart.” Loki tightened his jaw and my tone grew dull. Tired almost.

      “ _Loki_ ,” I began instead, sighing softly while I droned on. “That helmet is silly…and grow up.” Rage flickered across his face before we moved at the same time. The air split when we clashed together, staffs colliding loudly before I ducked under him to evade his next move.

      “I know you well,” Loki sneered between hits. He used magic to toss me back and I dodged a duplicate of him to attack the real one. This had been in the makings for a long while. My armor allowed me to move with precision I didn’t know I had. He nailed me in the shoulder and I spun under to jab his leg, it wasn’t enough to make him stumble. It felt like we were dancing.

      Kicking him in the chest, I used magic to send vines from the ground in an attempt to grab his feet. Loki managed to break free before I could send another blow to his collar. We began to use the staffs less and less while we clashed together violently. My adrenaline raced, charging my body with fury and excitement. Lust shown in Loki’s gaze and his next spell made the green of his eyes shine brighter. I sent up a ward before green and red spells shocked into each other, the blast sent us both to the floor.

      “I should have known your power returned. The way many of your spells turned blood red after the events. Slowly over time. No longer the soft hues of violet.” Loki was breathing heavier as I wiped some blood from my chin. “Such discord and yet you’re pulling it together. Just wait.”

      “I think it suits me,” I eyed some blood on the hard ground from a cut I’d given Loki on his arm. Without thinking, I dipped my pinky and forefinger in the small pool before sliding a crimson line down each of my cheeks from my eyes to jaw in one fluid motion. “Come and get me, my _king.”_ We tossed our beaten staffs away and charged toward each other, spells crackling up toward the sky before I slashed and he jumped around me. Hair fell from my braid when I kicked up and Loki countered my strike with ease. Colorful magic splashed together like rippling waves that dissipated around us.

      “Should have known it would come to this as well,” Loki tossed me backwards against the hard stone. I shook my head to recover and realized something was swirling in the air around us. So much magic and power was filling up the arena, I felt the ground under us shaking as we continued.

      “Your actions led to this,” I growled. My magic sputtered and burned while I pushed it with such force to meet Loki's own. I gave into my new abilities and let them all out to flutter. "Coward!"

      “You’ll bend to me soon,” he retorted, eyes wild. I kicked off the wall and hit him hard in the gut. Loki reeled backwards so I got up on the wall and into the seating areas. He pursued with new found vigor, jumping in front of me. I spun and sent a spell that was deflected toward the sky. We’d grown to match each other. After all these years.

      “You believe I wanted to serve as…as  _this_  on behalf of Asgard?” I hissed. “On behalf of your family?” As upset as I was, this was torture. Loki and I were at the top platform above the seats, overlooking Asgard. We fought and bathed in the moonlight, hearts bleeding out. “Let go,” I ordered, “yield!”

      “Never,” he snarled.

      “Then I will not offer the same,” my fingers fanned out. I swirled energy within my hands and shot it toward him. Loki was fast, he dodged and kicked out in an attempt to trip me. Backing up against the edge, I gasped aloud and he grabbed me by the neck. There was a fraction of hesitation before I was tossed over his head and across the stone. I spit out some blood and turned my head to seen Loki holding the Casket of Ancient Winters in his hands. Cold wind blew. I let out a primal yell and remembered something Thor had done. Summoning everything within me, my hands tensed into claws before I used magic to hold and deflect the entire blast toward the sky. Loki let up and water fell upon us like rain heavily for five seconds when I stared as his body went from his Jotun form to his Asgardian one. Freezing cold now, I charged and grabbed Loki before tossing him into the ground. Magic pulled water from me, freezing it before I yelled and shot the blade of ice toward him. Loki deflected the attack but it gave me time to grab at him roughly. Clutching him by a horn on his helmet, I snapped his head up and threatened to break his neck before I made him look at the palace. “Look!” I screamed. “This is our home! Look at it!” Loki let out a shout and we both paused when light exploded against the sky.  _The bifrost_ , I realized and hope filled me. Loki took the chance to kick me down and he looked somewhat panicked at the lights from the Observatory.

      “I don’t have much time left,” he shifted toward me while I forced myself up. Loki’s foot knocked the wind out of me when it kicked me in the neck. Painfully, I coughed and backed up so he advanced. “I’m tiring of this game.”

      “Liar,” I almost chuckled, pushing up again without pause. Light engulfed Loki’s hand and he braced to strike when another voice sounded.

      “Stop!” They'd echoed. I blinked and turned my head to see Moira climbing up to the platform, her small hands clutching to bring herself up with a little struggle.

      “Ah, yes, your little friend here to  _save_  the day,” Loki smirked as I got to my shaken feet.

      “Moira, stand back! I told you not to follow me,” I put up my hand and Loki managed to send me to the ground again. Furious, he kicked me in the side hard before I swiped with energy and he fell backwards. We both laid there for a moment, breathing heavily. I wiped the blood from my nose and held my ribs. Moira walked in front of me without armor or a weapon. “Moira,” I reached and missed trying to grab for her. The floor tremored.

      “The eyes of Fate are upon you,” she didn’t sound like herself and the wind around us picked up again. It sounded like a harsh voice was speaking over her soft one; they melded together and created something unnatural. Loki groaned in pain and braced himself on his hands as I sat up myself. He turned to snarl at Moira but his eyes went wide.

      “Moira,” I stood and grabbed her shoulder only to step back when her glowing yellow eyes met mine.

      “Be not afraid, my friend,” her vocal cords vibrated with power and I took a few more steps back.

      “ _Wha_ …?” I stared with my mouth opening in awe.

      “The eyes of Fate,” she repeated, blazing her stare into Loki who seemed like he couldn’t move. “They’ve seen. They’ve see everything. Through their will do I offer you a warning, Loki Laufeyson.”  _How did she know?_  “So as long as you go down this path, you will lose. You will lose  _everything_.” Loki got to his feet, eyes not leaving Moira.

      “What are you?”

      “You will always fail.” Moira was terrifying and so relentless; to think I once saw her to be shy. “It is their will. You will know what it is to be fated to lose. As long as you continue to spill the blood of innocents and lie to yourself.  _They_  are always watching you. So you will lose. Every single time in every way possible. Who will you appeal to then for mercy? Your brother, who you will push too far? Or this woman, who has every right to deny you? Tell me, Loki Laufeyson, who will you pray to when you realize it? They will not be around to listen. Not any longer. Not unless you are ready to give once more.” Moira’s arm shot out to protect me when Loki charged in a fury before golden light sent him back. It wasn’t from me.

      “What the hell are you?!” He screamed and Moira’s voice calmed, causing the power around us to as well.

      “I am the blood of the Valkyrie. Like my mother and her mother before her. Cast from Valhalla to live amongst the Asgardians as one of them. My wings may be gone, as is my power. But, you will fracture under the weight of our fury. Of their fury.” Moira was fully back to herself before I muttered behind her.

      “From the story. She was your mother…and the man, who was he?”

      “Who do you believe him to be?”

      “Who?!” I furrowed my brow, eyes growing wider before I shook my head.

      “Your father,” she was tender, “your real father.”

      “No,” I closed my eyes and shook my head again with more vigor. “Not him. You’re lying-”

      “The deed my mother enacted came with a price. Our fates bound as they sent me away to punish her. But, she watches me as your father watches you. I was supposed to live in this world and watch over you, my friend. My mother gave to me what protection she could but my life is here.” Loki was getting up from the ground but I hurried forward and pushed him back with magic.

      “Enough, Loki.” I set my boot on his chest. “ _Enough_.”

      “I know something you don’t know.” He licked his bloodied lips, eyes sliding to the palace. I grabbed his neck and turned, something was so wrong. I couldn’t hear it before, but it sounded like battle.

      “Frost giants,” I turned to him, “you let them in while we were here.”

      “It’s over,” Loki kicked me back into Moira but she caught me easily. Someone flew down behind us and landed hard, causing Loki to pause in shock and anger. Thor stood tall in his armor with a new found air about him. His eyes had aged. The Warriors Three and Sif surrounded the area below. I knew they’d come back safe.

      “It isn’t over, stand down, brother.” Thor looked to his friends below. “Hogun, Volstagg, get to the palace and assist!” They took off before Sif and Fandral drew closer to Thor.

      “How in oblivion did you  _crawl_  back here?” Loki tensed, defensive while he stepped back. I was shaking with such rage that I lost it.

      “Stop!” I made everyone pause, putting my hands up between Thor and Loki. They glowed with magic and both brothers stopped as Moira inched near Thor. “Both of you.” I held my hands toward each of them, threatening while I clenched my teeth and Loki began to whisper.

      “You said we could walk away from this,” he eased. “Why not walk away with me instead?”

      “Shut up,” I muttered hotly and Thor stared at me with those big, now somber, eyes. He looked to not have been taking this all in, like he was still far away from us all.

      “You know what it is to be lied to and manipulated. Not just by me, you know that I am correct.” Loki went on.

      “Don’t listen to him,” Sif cut in but Thor pressed her back with Moira and Fandral.

      “Come away with me, sweetheart, we’ll get everything we want together. We’ll make our enemies pay and create the path we both want…and deserve.” Loki caused me to peer over at him, my stance unyielding. “Do it,” he insisted.

      “Thor?” My brow furrowed, anguish was filling the voids inside me.

      “Do what you must do,” he replied, so calm suddenly and my hands shook but I raised the one pointed at him higher. Thor uttered my name so gently, so inordinate in sweetness, that I barely registered it was mine.

      “Do it!” Loki urged louder and Thor clutched Mjolnir in his hand. “It’s time for you to pick a side, sweetheart.” His words found my heart. I’d been telling him that I was on his side for years and that I always would be. I glanced at Sif once and I knew what she was thinking. My gaze slid up to Thor after and I felt myself shudder.

      “Thor,” I swallowed and shook my head. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”  _For what I did and what I will do._  I couldn’t hear any voices trying to guide me for once. It was all on me.

      “Forgiven.” He braced himself for my wrath. I looked closely at the group and suddenly Loki was blasted backwards off the side of the coliseum.  _Forgive me, sweetheart._  Closing my eyes after what I’d done, I dropped to my knees and the group raced toward me. Sif looked over the edge and turned.

      “He’s just lying there,” she called. “Fandral, let’s get to the palace now.”

      “We’ll take care of this here, go!” Thor ordered. Moira came toward me but I lashed out to make her stop, swiping my hand.

      “Get away from me!” I hit the ground with my fist. “I chose, damn it! I’m sorry! He thinks I hate him! I thinks I want to stand as his enemy now! I’m sorry! I had to…I had to choose…” 

      “You are doing so well, you have saved lives but we are not done. The palace needs us,” Thor kneeled down and I didn’t stop him from taking my face. He smoothed his thumbs over my cheeks. “Focus. Stay with me.” He felt…burned in a way. This gaping emptiness I’d never really perceived from him was there. Out in the open. I saw visions of Midgard. A battle. A woman. Pulling from Thor, I nodded and we stood together.

      “He’s gone!” Moira beckoned us suddenly and we charged to the edge. Loki wasn’t there.

      “Likely gone into the palace. I need to get to father. Our mother will be with him,” Thor’s stance grew battle ready and I nodded.

      “Fly her there, I’ll go on foot,” Moira piped up and Thor swiped me close to him. “We’ll talk after.”

      “Take care,” I looked ahead before Thor and I took off toward the battle ahead of us.

** ** **

      Comfortable with my bow now, I stationed myself near the healing room to protect the men and women running about to nurse warriors through the palace. The frost giants Loki let in didn’t have our numbers by any means but they were powerful. I'd never seen one up close. Well, so I'd thought. The floor rattled. I charged down one hallway and into another, striking down a Jotun with two arrows before I turned to check the healing room.

      “Everyone alright?” I called to Moira, who made it back.

      “We’re fine in here.”

      “Our group had to move earlier when three Jotuns came near,” Asta added, “we split up to hide and not everyone has come back. Just down the hall.” I ran in the direction she’d pointed, checking rooms to point our healers to safety. I caught up with Nazir, wielding a sword and shield, and helped him take down a massive frost giant.

      “You see my mother?” He asked and I nodded.

      “She’s safe, back in the-” A shout caught our attention before we backtracked to the healing room. A frost giant stood at the door, angrily swiping when my arrow pierced his leg. He let out a guttural sound and dodged only to grab someone from the room. “No!” I called, panicking to get out another arrow when I realized he’d grabbed Elise by the left arm with his large hand. She flailed and screamed a heart stopping sound. Nazir kicked the giant over and my next arrow found his neck. Elise was dropped to the floor hard and she trembled in a state of shock when I got to her side.  

      “Elise! Look here,” I took her face and immediately absorbed the pain. I’d used so much magic, I needed to rejuvenate myself.

      “I…” She began, breathless.

       The frost giant stumbled back and tried to keep going when a healer stabbed him in the thigh with a small knife. Another joined in and before I knew it, he was surrounded by healing ladies just stabbing him repeatedly with whatever they could find before falling to the floor. I almost marveled at the spectacle when the group stood back. Asta wiped the blood from her face and was the first to speak to Faleen next to her.

      “They should never think to attack one of our own…” The group backed up in pieces and I blinked as I tried to keep Elise from feeling anything. The tense sensation curled around my spine and ribs but I could see the veins in my hands turning black as I took the pain.

      “Elisif! We need help!” I stared at Elise’s arm and almost fainted myself. The skin from her forearm to elbow was blackened and cracked all over; I could see bone. Blood seeped from the wounds as hues of blue and purple branched out around it. “I wanted to protect you,” I tried not to sob. Nazir got on his knees to put Elise’s head in his lap so I took her other hand to steal the pain. She was freezing cold.

      “Don’t move her beyond this,” he spoke. “Honey, we’ll take care of you. Hold on.” Elisif and Eir were both speeding to try to heal the wound but it wasn’t enough.

      “We cannot put a healing stone to this, Elisif,” Eir realized and I looked up. “It’s no good, he held her for too long and her body cannot fight this fast enough.”

      “It’s branching up her arm, we have to act quickly,” Elisif rushed back into the room and gave a few orders before she returned with Moira. Eir was trying to slow the process and Elise wasn’t responding, just looking up blankly in mild horror.

      “What’s happening?!” I got Eir to glance up at my eyes.

      “If it reaches her heart or head, she’ll die.” Eir shook her head and Elisif kneeled next to me with Moira on my other side. “There’s only one way.” Realization dawned on me before I held Elise’s face firmly and kissed her head.

      “Don’t look,” I stated, forcibly evening my tone. “Just look at me.” I didn’t watch the ladies prepare her for what was to come. Elise’s good hand grasped to my wrist tightly when some of her awareness came back.

      “I’m scared,” she sputtered in a tiny voice, eyes growing bigger. “What’s happening?”

      “We’ll start on three,” I heard Elisif mutter. “Sweetie, you’re going to be fine.”

      “As am I,” I replied. “But, it’s going to be all right…”

      “ _One_.”

      “I’m here with you.” I nodded. “We’re together.”  _My fault…_

      “ _Two_.”

      “And you’ll never lose yourself,” I drew close to her ear. “That is your strength…I’m so proud of you, darling.”

      “ _Three_.”

      Elise’s reply never made it to her lips.

** ** **

      Without any arrows, I found myself running again, away from the palace this time. Leaving my bow behind, I stole a horse and rode it as far as I could toward the bridge when the lights began to engulf the sky. The bifrost wasn’t supposed to be open that long. Horror reached my face when I realized Loki had turned it into a weapon. Without Heimdall, Thor was our only hope. But, he would not be alone. Lightning shot up toward the sky as the bifrost grew more out of control. The horse couldn’t go any further so I allowed it to run back and braved the harsh forces pushing against me. Taking steps along the bridge, I could see Thor and Loki fighting within.

      “Stop!” I called and both looked up before Loki lunged to tackle Thor.

      “Stay back, this is my fight,” Thor set his hand up and kicked Loki off of him.

      “Loki! He’s your brother!” I screamed.

      “Shut up!” Loki was just so furious and Thor was forced to deflect the blows. Had we really not seen this coming? Had we really not paid enough attention to Loki slowly chipping himself away over time? I moved inside and tried to use magic to melt the ice keeping the bifrost on but it was no use. Loki sent a blast toward my feet to throw me away and I rolled to the side of the Observatory. The forces were too much for me and I was trapped there, pulling myself along on my arms to get toward the door. Helpless, I watched them fight and Thor was unleashing more fury.

      “Is the throne worth this?” Thor called. “Is it worth what you’ve become?!”

      “I never wanted the throne!” Loki raged, tears falling down his face. “I only ever wanted to be your equal.” Loki charged and Thor used Mjolnir to deflect the blast.

      “Thor! We’re running out of time!” I’d gotten to the entrance, holding to the side before Loki flew at his brother with such force, they both crashed through the wall above and rolled across the bridge. Tossed to the ground again, I tried once more to stop the bifrost before its power sent me flying across the bridge as well. At the same time, Loki stabbed Thor with Odin’s staff and hurled him away. Duplicates materialized to laugh around Thor before he raged, hand lifting Mjolnir.

      “Enough!” Sparks lit up the real Loki and he fell back against the rainbow bridge. Thor stood over him and Loki prepared for the worst before Mjolnir was dropped onto his chest. Quickly, Thor slid toward me after to help me up.

      “Get to safety while I stop this,” he tried but I shook my head and dropped to my knees next to Loki, who was trapped. Thor shuffled his feet closer to the Observatory but it was spinning out of control.

      “Look at  _you_ ,” Loki spat with venom, “the _Mighty_ Thor! With all your strength, what good does it do you now, huh?!”

      “Loki,” I breathed, taking his face. So much pain was whirling inside him. He felt gone.

      “Do you hear me,  _brother_?! There’s nothing you can do!” Loki shouted and tried to pull the hammer from his chest with no movement. Ahead of us, Thor was reaching his wits end. Loki was right.

      “This isn’t over, it never will be,” I tried not to cry. I told myself I wouldn’t. “Come back to me.”

      “Perhaps, one day.” Loki stared at the sky, exhaling. I had to hold onto him to not slide back now. The lights began to blind us. My heart burst all at once.

      “I won’t ever give up on you!” I swore. “Never!”

      “That, sweetheart, will always be your greatest gift to me. One I do not deserve.” Loki was numbing himself. “Would you ever bluntly use my undying love for you against me? Would you ever hold a knife to my heart and beg for me to stop this, simply because if I truly loved you, I would? If I loved you, I would do the right thing?”

      “Not on my lifetime, or yours. You're worth so much more, Loki. _I can't_...” I clutched to him, almost feeling the whirling winds slow for a moment before they picked up again.

      “There’s my clever, clever girl. I have loved you...since I was a boy. Nothing has ever looked this beautiful.” Loki touched my face with the back of his hand and Thor looked back at us. I saw it in his eyes. The realization of what he would have to do to stop this. What he would sacrifice. Mjolnir jumped from Loki’s chest and he sat up, confused as he grabbed the staff next to him. I had my arm around his shoulders while I tried to stay in place and pull him back when he reached out. “What are you doing?”

      “Forgive me, Jane,” Thor had uttered before smashing his weapon into the bridge.

      “If you destroy the bridge, you’ll never see  _her_  again!” Loki yelled but, Thor carried on. The manipulation wasn’t working on his brother any longer and Loki trembled.

      “Loki, we need to go!” I tried, crying softly now. Desperate, I tugged at Loki and he began to breathe heavily. “Together.”

      “In another world, if you are willing to wait…just a bit longer,” Loki seized me by the shoulders and kissed me, tender and fast. “We’ll find each other again. We always do.” Distracted, I couldn’t react when he used magic to push me further down the way to safety.

      “ _No_!” I stabbed a dagger into the bridge to hold steady and realized the fabric of Loki’s cape was clutched in my hand. “ _Loki_!” I screamed, every bit of pain resonating through my vocal cords as he stood to charge Thor. Spear raised, Loki tried to run but Thor brought Mjolnir down with such might that an explosion shook the world around us before the light blinded me completely. An explosion billowed before my eyes. Unable to see the brothers as it began to subside, something flew past me before I realized that Odin had arrived. Fully rejuvenated, he grabbed Thor’s ankle so I got up to run toward them. Thor was holding to the staff with Loki on the other end of it, too far removed from us. He appeared truly frightened and the Observatory crashed into a wormhole below. Thor was reaching for Loki with his other hand and I leaned over until Odin’s other arm went around my waist to hold me from falling. “Help me down, so I can grab him!” I was frantically reaching against the air, clawing to get to him with his cape tangled around my other arm.

      “I could have done it, father, I could have done it!” Loki pleaded, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “For you! For all of us!”

      “Loki, hold on!” I called and he was searching Odin’s face for  _something_  but not finding it. My heart was sinking. Nothing was tangible. Not any longer it seemed.

      “No, Loki,” Odin breathed finally and I tried harder to reach out for him when I saw his eyes change.

      “Loki! Look at us! Look here!” I gasped for air as everything around me grew silent for a moment when we locked eyes.  _“Can I keep you?”_ I shook with a sob before trying one final time with a small utter. A plea heard by all nine realms.  _“Stay…"_ Wind whipped through my hair and time stopped completely as my engagement ring gleamed in the light. Loki stared at me like he had nothing left to give after all we’d done.

      “ _Sweetheart_.” He mouthed against the air.

      “Loki, no!” Thor could sense it as well. That collapsed feeling of loss forming right before… “ _No_!” Loki’s fingers uncurled from the staff.

      And then he was falling.

      Away from Asgard.

      Away from Thor.

      Away from me.

      I tried to breathe. Tried to think. Tried to scream. Loki disappeared and part of me went with him. Odin hauled me back to pull Thor up and the prince immediately collapsed to his knees, dropping Gungnir at his father’s feet. Big blue eyes were wide with loss and not processing anything. Trembling, I stared to where Loki disappeared to before turning to look at Thor. Lighting struck the sky and we reached for each other blindly, hands grasping like a child’s would before we were embracing. Gathered in Thor’s lap, I felt him squeeze me tightly and then his pain flooded my senses. It brought me back to life. _Brother, please? Come home. Just let this all be a trick._  My arms wrapped around Thor’s neck until I felt him sob silently into my collar.  _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._ When he cradled the back of my head, the combined sensations woke up everything within me before I tossed my head back and wailed. Rain began to fall heavily and I screamed until I couldn’t hear anything else around me.

      Together, we cried for Loki.

** ** **

      I remember meeting up with Frigga halfway across the grounds back to the palace.

      I remember her seeing Loki’s cape clutched in my grasp.

      I remember her falling into the dirt after I offered it to her.

      I remember her sobs of  _oh gods, my baby_ ,  _my little boy._

      I remember healers tugging at my armor to search me and heal cuts.

      I remember the way Thor pushed his path out, stumbling away without letting anyone tend to him.

      I remember Moira setting my cat back in my arms.

      I couldn’t remember or process the vibrancy of the colors around me anymore. Everything faded to tarnish.

      I couldn’t remember who walked me back to my room.

      I couldn’t remember how I ended up in Loki’s room instead.

      I couldn’t remember taking off all my clothing and climbing into his bed.

      “Loki?” I stated aloud, unable to do anything else.

       _“Sweetheart.”_

“Loki?” I tried again, under the covers as I held myself. I pretended to hear him.

       _“Allow me know you once more.”_

      The memories of him, of us, began to flash across my brain.

       _“I think of you frequently…when you are not around…even when I attempt not to.”_

Had they really happened?

       _“Know that I am in love with you.”_

      “Loki?” I kept saying it like he could come out and smile at me.“Come back. Come out…please?” I held his pillow close to take in the scent.

       _“Can I keep you?”_

      “Liar,” I uttered harshly. “You’re a liar! Come back now! You said…You said you’d carry me away.” We deserved better. Maybe not as the people we were but together…we deserved a happy ending. Or something close to it. One with peace. We earned that much.

       _“My clever girl.”_

      “Come back now!” I howled. “I hate you! Come back! Liar!”

_“Clever girl.”_

_“Sweetheart.”_

_“Clever girl.”_

_“Sweetheart.”_

      “Loki, please?” I sputtered, smashing my face into the pillow when I realized I was crying again. I’d been doing it so often, I couldn’t stop.

      “ _If I stated that despite everything, it is still my desire to simply make you happy, would you allow me to try?”_

      “Yes,” I sobbed. “I would have let you. Come back. It hurts.” I mashed my fist against my chest, fingernails scratching the area briefly. I laid there crying until the world blurred together and sound didn’t reach my ears. I didn’t come back until I realized someone was pulling me into their arms. With a silk sheet covering my nudity, I noticed Fandral was holding me close with reddened eyes. He missed him too. I also realized that I was screaming. When had I started screaming? Why was I not loud enough for Loki to hear me?  

      “ _Shh_ , we’re here,” Fandral looked up and Moira was there to. “I don’t know what to do.” Moira whispered my name with such tenderness, I sprang up with the sheet twisted around my form.

      “No!” I wiggled away from both of them and raced into the closet, shutting and locking it. Backing against the clothing, I pressed my hands to my ears and slipped down the wall when they pleaded for me. “Go away!” I yanked a mass of Loki’s clothes down and burrowed against them like a nest. Safe with the darkness enveloping me, I closed my eyes tightly. I thought of what Moira had said and clenched my jaw.  _Daddy, are you with me? Make it stop hurting._

Thirty minutes passed and I could see Fandral’s shadow still seated against the door. Another ten went by before someone knocked and opened the lock carefully. Huddling closer against the wall, I stared with devoid eyes when Thor kneeled down, tilting his head at me. I waited for him to speak, to plead with me to come out, but he didn’t. Instead, Thor made himself comfortable on his back and stared up at the ceiling for a long moment. After a few minutes, he turned to look at me and held every emotion back. Always needing to be strong for Asgard, Thor didn’t weep. It was still raining outside. He decided on something to say and hesitated.

      “Loki,” he cleared his throat, “was always better with words than I.” When I didn’t say anything in return, Thor scooted closer to get comfortable on the mass of clothes I’d made before we both fell into a dreamless sleep, holding each other.

** ** **

      The next day, I awoke to Moira smoothing my hair back. There was this fraction of a moment where I’d forgotten what happened. Bliss was quickly replaced with agony and my body ached when I tried to sit up. I had to keep it together, I had to be strong.

      “We need to talk,” she eased and I pulled from her touch.

      “Has Elise woken up yet?” I asked instead.

      “We expect her to this evening.” Moira paused. “They’re having a dinner to…to mourn Loki and to honor the victories as they called it.”

      “Is this what victory is supposed to feel like?” I’d gotten up to pass her, holding my sheet around myself. Thor and Fandral were gone from the room.

      “About yesterday, you know I couldn’t tell you who and what I was.”

      “You pretended to be my friend out of some sick twisted fate.” I stared out at the grey sky and realized this was the first morning Asgard would have without Loki. My heart squeezed. Loki was dead. The man I loved was dead. Loki killed himself. I clenched my fists together until they shook before releasing.

      “I never pretended to be your friend. In truth, I should be thankful for this. I’ve watched the Asgardians for years and I wondered…what it might be like to feel as they do. To be free to love and hate and learn and protect.”

       _“There is no freedom in a world with love…”_  Nerien had stated once.

      “Well,” I turned with tired eyes to watch her, “is it  _everything_  you hoped it would be?”

      “No,” Moira shook her head. “But, I can accept that.” She turned and pulled her top down her shoulders so I could see two parallel scars where her wings should have been. “Look.”

      “It’s real…” I blinked. “Will you ever return?”

      “Not in this life.” She fixed her clothing and looked at me. “I can accept that too.”

      “What are you going to do now?”

      “Continue to be your friend? I’d like that a lot if you would.” Moira held out her hand for me and I took it after a moment.

      “Friend,” I insisted, “not protector. Not any longer.”

      “I can try.” Her touch almost lifted my spirits. It made sense, the things I’d felt from her. The light.

      “Does Faleen know?”

      “No, only you know. I’d like to keep it that way for now.”

      “All right. I’m sorry you have to be far from them…” I paused and asked my next question in a smaller voice. “Did you ever see my father?”

      “Yes, only his shadow. He loved you. He looked for you.” Her words caused me to clench my jaw and nod. “He would be proud of the person you are.” I wasn’t so sure about that part but nonetheless, I replied.

      “Thank you, Moira.”

** ** **

      The healing room was bustling with warriors leaving and healers working to repair any damage done during the battle. The palace itself was in a state of recuperation, I imagined that all of Asgard was as well. A crowned prince betrayed the entire realms. Everyone looked at me when I came in before slowly lowering their heads. Asta hugged me and pointed me to a side room where Frigga and Faleen were standing over a bed.

      “I have a few ideas,” Faleen stated before they both turned to notice me. I allowed Frigga to rush forward and take me into her arms. When we touched, I felt loss but somehow, it felt familiar to her. Pulling away, I managed to find some words.

      “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him,” I paused. “He loved you so much.”

      “I know, dear,” Frigga petted my hair, “he loved you as well. It isn’t your fault.”

      “How is she?” I gestured to Elise. I couldn’t speak about Loki anymore.

      “She’ll be perfectly fine once she wakes.” Frigga stated. I walked toward Faleen, who gave me a hug as well.

      “I promise she’ll get a masterpiece,” Faleen spoke as I stared at Elise’s left arm which was over half gone and wrapped up in bandages.

      “Knowing your work, I don’t doubt that,” I managed a small smile. “Let me know if anything changes.” Guilt was swirling within my abdomen so I pulled my gaze from Elise and stopped when Frigga offered me something. “You should keep that.”

      “He’d want you to have it,” she allowed Loki’s green cape to spill into my arms. “I had your armor delivered back to you room, as well as a gown to wear tonight.”

      “Am I not needed here? I can help.”

      “Dear, I think it best for you to rest yourself for today.”

      “Right then,” I swallowed and held Loki’s cape to myself before I shuffled out, not looking at anyone as I went. Almost to my room, I paused when I saw Sif at the end of the hallway. Glancing from her to the floor, I tilted my chin up a bit and moved to pass her. She spoke my name and I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it but, I stopped nonetheless. With my back to her, I turned my head to see her looking at me.

      “Would you believe me if I said that I am sorry for your loss?” She searched for more words. “And that I realize how hard your choices yesterday must have been…and that I am proud of what you did.”

      “I’m afraid that I can only accept the first,” I paused. “Perhaps the second as well.”

      “That is fine,” Sif replied. “For now.” We parted and I returned to my room to see Naaki meowing at me loudly.

      “I know,” I put some food her dish and ran my hand along her back. “There you are. Better?” I moved to sit on my bed, pressing the cape in my hands along my face. Almost not knowing what to do with myself, I watched the day pass from my room. No one bothered me.

      Getting up after a while, I picked up the mess from yesterday. My key fell from my shirt and I held it in my hand for a while, squeezing until it left an imprint. What would happen to all the traces of Loki in this world? Would they forget? Would I? Would they remember him as the Prince of Asgard or the beast who betrayed it? I couldn’t remember the last place in my room he’d stood when he smiled at me genuinely for a final time. I couldn’t remember the last surface he touched with his fingertips.

       The day wasted itself away and I cleaned my armor to get my mind off things with little result. My head spun with utters of  _how could you_  and  _please come back_  as I washed and changed into the dark grey dress Frigga had left _. Loki, my perfect prince, how can I find it within myself to forgive what you’ve done?_ Yes, of course he was  _perfect_  and I was perfect and we could have been  _so very_  perfect. I trailed my finger down the chest piece of my armor. Loki was perfect for me, or something close to it. This world was the same. This armor was perfect for me.  _The armor._  Realization about knocked me to the floor before I flipped over the table, scattering the pieces of my armor every which way. I waited for a moment and when they didn’t pick themselves back up, I ran from the room.

      Candlelight glowed about the area when I entered, extremely late. Everyone looked up at me and quickly looked down. Music resumed and the warriors talking about the table continued their stories. Idly, I fixed the gloves I’d hastily put on; I didn’t want to feel anyone tonight.

      “Sweet lady,” Fandral greeted me and I stared at him in a sort of daze. “Are you well?”

      “Don’t you look handsome,” I set my hands on his face and squeezed briefly. “As always.”

      “I…?” He merely blinked at me.

      “Excuse me now, lovely,” smoothing past him with no awareness for my surroundings, I spotted who I was looking for. Fandral stared after me but didn’t follow. Frigga was standing on a balcony, looking out at Asgard.

      Briefly, I wondered what she would have done if I pushed her.

      “ _When_?” My voice was hoarse and she spun to see me. “When did you know?”

      “Dear…what are you-?”

      “When did you know you were prepping me to fight your son?” I cracked and she quickly grabbed my arms, hushing me before she brought me further from the room behind us. “My Name Day and…and the armor. You knew I would fight him in it.” The sky was dark but the rain had ceased. “You stood there and you let me smile at you.”

      “Please, calm yourself, we cannot-”

      “Can’t I?!” I shrieked and immediately quieted when we drew some attention. “How long?” I asked in a whisper again, eyes alight with fire.

      “Long enough. I cannot disclose what I see, you know I cannot.” Frigga’s eyes shined with tears that didn’t fall. “I cannot ever save those I love from fate.”

      “To hell with fate!”

      “I wish that were true, with all my heart.”

      “What…What am I supposed to do now?” I let out a breath. “This place… It's eaten me alive. I'm trapped here. I'm branded. And _Loki...”_

      “That will be decided in a few days’ time when Odin calls you into the throne room. Dear, we all must grieve now. Focus on your health. Heal.”

      “Is that really what they’re doing in there? Where are the boats and the lights? Do you really think all of Asgard is spending time thinking of Loki as our ally after what he did? We could have stopped this all.” My breathing picked up. “Odin denied Loki when he needed him the most. Loki made his terrible choices but we all can’t sit around like we’re not also to blame. This  _place_ …. _oh, gods_ , this place drives me mad.” I had to run my hands over my head to calm myself, briefly tugging at my hair. “And to think mortals look up to us when we are just as damaged as they are. Asgard is not evolved. Not yet. We're stuck. Tumbling from high branches and no one mourns it. No one sees. No one prays for us, they grasp and take without remorse.”

      “That is the way of life for Gods. We must press on.”

      “I can’t settle for that. Not in that way. There has to be something I can do.”

      “Then you will drive yourself to Hel looking.” Frigga furrowed her brow when I laughed aloud, a scratching sound.

      “Don’t you see? We’re already here.” I put out my hands and dropped them against my sides. “All the lies we tell…the secrets… We can’t keep ignoring what is in front of our faces. Why…? Why?!” I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. “What have we all done?” Frigga took my arms and tried to calm me down.

      “You need to breathe, your thought process is-”

      “I don’t need you to care for me anymore, Frigga,” I pulled away and shook my head, eyes emptying out. “You don’t need to watch out for me…in this palace. You don’t… It isn’t as if you’re my mother.” When my words caused her to stop finally, I turned and rushed away from her after ignoring the way she spoke my name to beckon me back.

_What have we done? What have I done?_

** ** **

      I made it outside the palace and saw Thor crossing the grounds with something bundled under his arm so I followed. He didn’t notice me and I realized he was walking toward the water. I hid behind a tree so observe him. From some cloth, he unwrapped a small boat and kneeled to the water. I heard him let out a breath as he tried to form a ball of light with his hands, struggled just a bit before creating one.

      “He’d be impressed at that,” I spoke out and Thor didn’t jump, merely turning his head.

      “He’d make jests at me,” he countered and my lip turned up for a fraction of a second.

      “Also true… Do you wish to be alone?”

      “No,” Thor glanced up at me, “come here. I had Heimdall scour the realms with no trace of him.”

      “I considered going to him. With the bifrost closed, we are trapped. All of us.” I looked out, barely able to see the bifrost from here. “Hard to imagine the Observatory being gone.”

      “Hard to imagine my brother going with it,” Thor stated quietly when I kneeled, picking up my dress.

      “What are they going to do?”

      “Rebuild, I imagine.”

      “Here, it’s missing something.” With my finger, I beckoned a branch to move closer before plucking a purple flower from it. I set it in the small boat and Thor nodded. We stared at each other for a moment longer before he spoke.

      “You’re no longer safe in Asgard.”

      “I know that,” I looked from him to the water. “Sad as it seems, that tower of palace dorms may be the safest place for me.”

      “I will do everything in my power to keep you protected. You have my word. Anything. I’ll speak with father.”

      “I don’t want to think about that right now,” I admitted, gazing up at him again. “What happened on Earth? Heard a few stories.”

      “I’ve made many mistakes and now, I have a slight chance to fix them… Loki does not.” Thor clenched his jaw. “I wish he did. It’s my fault.”

      “Me too…and no it actually isn’t your fault. No matter how you try to dress it up and no matter how badly you wish you could rewrite every wrong. You and Loki didn’t always get along but, he loved you more than anyone.” I paused and changed the subject, feeling like a total hypocrite.  _No, Thor, it was my fault._  I wanted Thor to come back to Asgard fully but a part of him was elsewhere. “What was that woman’s name I heard about?”

      “Jane. Jane Foster.”

      “Do you love her?”

      “I knew her all of two days,” Thor almost chuckled. “But, she is remarkable and I broke my word to her. Asgard needs me. We were over before we could begin.”

      “I think you learned something else on Midgard,” I offered. I’d felt it.

      “What is that?” Thor’s bright eyes flickered to mine.

      “That you have a choice.” I answered without missing a beat. “I think you’ve been waiting for that.” Thor looked at the water and cleared his throat.

      “Shall we?” He offered me the ball of light and I cupped my hands under his to make it glow brighter. The boat began to float away before we allowed it to rise up above us and toward the stars. I touched Thor’s hand and stood up, glancing at the boat for a beat.

      “I have somewhere to be,” I turned blindly and began to walk off, “take care of yourself, Thor Odinson.”

      “You as well,” Thor whispered my name with that special brand of kindness and I had to stop.

      “May I say something?” I gathered myself. “You won’t like it.”

      “Then you must say it, I imagine.” Thor replied and I clutched the tree next to me.

      “Ask your family for the truth. They love you and they’ll give it. Can you do that for me?” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Don’t believe everything they’ve told you. About you. Loki. The throne. Fate.”  _Forgive me, Frigga._

      “What are you implying?”

      “Goodbye, Thor.” Pulling off my gloves and shoving them into my pockets, I sauntered off into the dark forest without looking back at him. Twigs broke under my feet until I came to a clearing where Loki had taught me to breathe underwater. I slipped off my shoes and slid in carefully as if I didn’t want to disturb the water around me. Looking up at the moon, I dunked under and the spell did the work. I swam to the bottom and held to a rock to stay there while I looked up. I hadn’t known silence like this. Under the water, I screamed for a long moment just to get  _something_  out.

       Moonlight blurred above me as bubbles slipped slowly from my lips and my dress and hair floated about. I contemplated setting a rock on my stomach and laughed under the water before allowing myself to slowly float up. I could have stayed there. I could have damn well lived there. I must have looked pretty as a picture with my face above the surface and my dress floating around me when my body bobbed against the silent movements of the pond. Like a pretty, pretty nymph. I splayed my limbs out and floated there, inching my fingers above the surface to feel the cool air kiss them. Flicking my fingers, I watched magic swirl the water through the air before dropping back down as I exhaled.

       _“You have work to do,”_  Nerien stated, standing above the water. Passive, I stared at him and when he continued speaking at me, I slipped my head under the water to shut out the syllables. _I’m growing so very tired of dead things._ Plus, he stated that as if I didn’t know already. When the voices left me, I reluctantly went above the liquid and inhaled before climbing out. Standing up from the grass, I stared at the lights of Asgard’s palace. So much would change again and I would adapt as I always did. My blood ran cold. I realized I was on the edge of something large that was manifesting above my own head. I wondered what would happen if I jumped before I was pushed as I knew that I would be.

      But, I suppose I’ll wait to see what comes first.

** ** **

      Drying myself with a spell, I paced slowly to the healing room with a small handful of peach colored flowers. Elise met my gaze the moment I walked into her room and I glanced away. She looked like she’d been crying but appeared relaxed now. Faleen was sitting next to her on the bed with a sketchbook in her hands, smiling lightly as she concentrated on something.

      “Forgive me,” I offered. “I hoped to be here before you woke. I brought these for you.”

      “They are lovely.” Elise sniffled and I found a vase for them before setting them by her side table. “Sit.”

      “I don’t want to bother you both.”

      “Sit down, Æsir,” Faleen spoke without looking up, “you helped save her life. She wants you here.” I watched Elise finger the area her arm would have been before I sat down.

      “How are you?” I tried apprehensively, glancing down at her hand when she dropped it to her side.

      “Better… Warmer.” She cleared her throat. “It was so cold.”

      “I’ll be back,” Faleen stood and closed her book. “No peeking.” When she left, I heard Elise inhale carefully before she spoke.

      “Won’t you look at me? Do I disgust you so?”

      “No,  _gods_ , no it isn’t that,” I jolted up and she smiled a little.

      “Got you to look at me,” she pointed and I relaxed.

      “I just feel like you getting hurt was my fault.” I exhaled then and she shook her head.

      “It was my choice to stay.”

      “And everything with Loki, you were so brave. I would not have made it out if you didn’t do what you did.”

      “I had no other ideas,” she shrugged, “I hoped making you vomit would clear your senses just a bit.”

      “It worked.” I nodded. “I’m grateful for you. I should have stopped that damn giant before he grabbed you, I wasn’t quick enough.”

      “I don’t have warrior skills,” Elise furrowed her brow after a moment. “Not like you. Not like Sif. I can’t defend myself like Faleen or Moira either. But, yesterday, a frost giant tried to kill me and I survived.  _I_   _did._ I don’t regret any choice I've made.” When she reached for my hand, I took it without my gloves on.  _Certainty_. “Can I still be your lady-in-waiting after this?”

      “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I felt happiness fill Elise and let go of her. “Faleen will work with you on physical therapy when she fits you with a prosthetic, but you’ll be back with me as soon as you’re up to it. Don’t rush. Promise me?”

      “I promise.”

** ** **

      After visiting my cat in my room, I walked the darkened hallways with her in my arms. Sleep wouldn’t be coming soon, so I didn’t bother with it. I stared at the clouds outside as I passed arched windows before coming upon Loki’s door. I stood there in silence and remembered a time when I left a puddle on the floor from the rain. Using my key, the locked clicked and I entered, petting Naaki before I set her down after locking the door again. The lamps lit when I flicked my hands to use magic. Naaki jumped onto his bed and then to the floor, roaming around. I smoothed my fingers over surfaces and sat at his desk to trace the elegant handwriting on scraps of paper.

      “ _Mrrrow_ ,” a sound caught my attention and I looked over the desk to see Naaki with her paw caught on a piece of carpet, causing it to fold over as she tugged to free herself.

      “I always tell you not to claw at carpets and you never listen,” I got up to pull her little paw free, on my knees against the hard floor. “There is that… _better_ …?” Just when I moved to fix the carpet, I noticed a line in the floor, like an edge or…something. I ran my fingernail between the indent before pulling more of the carpet up until I had to move the desk to toss it aside. The indent was a large square in the floor that showed itself when I drew closer.

      To test it, I stood and backed up as far as I could to see it slowly fade. Racing forward, it appeared again and I gasped, falling to my knees when I tried to pry the square up but I couldn’t get a grasp on it. I tried magic with no avail and looked at Naaki, standing on the desk.

      “Any ideas?”

      “ _Meow_ ,” she rubbed the side of her head against the edge of his desk.

      “You’re not helpful,” I reached up to scratch her ear before pressing my hands against the floor. “Come on, Loki. Help me out here, you bastard. You owe me that much.” My key slipped from my shirt, pointing toward the floor and I grasped it. “Now we’re talking.” I pulled it off and felt around for something to use it on, holding it close to the floor until another indent formed in the corner. Unable to slide the key in, I instead pressed it on its side when a shape took form. Green light glowed suddenly around the key and then the square around me before I felt the floor pop open on one side as I scrambled off it. “Oh, I’m in trouble…” I breathed and pulled the key up in my fist to set it back around my neck. After a moment of thought, I pulled up the floor and saw a small set of stairs to a dark area underneath. “If I die, you’re the best cat in existence,” I looked up.

      “ _Mrrow_ ,” Naaki paced along the desk and I swallowed before descending, my hand lighting when I brought it up. Unable to see well still, I felt around until I found a lamp and held my hand to it. The moment it lit up, the entire cramped room jumped to life. It was a tiny and thin area surrounded by bookcases and desks covered in notes, along with machines I couldn’t figure. Blinking, I looked around and it somewhat resembled Frigga’s own study.

      “So this is where you go.” I skimmed through deadly potions and forbidden books. Notes on everything from the Convergence, hiding from Heimdall, Nerien’s people, and even my own powers. Spells I didn’t know he could do and other spells I didn’t know existed surrounded me. Beads of green light floated about the room, protecting it no doubt. I pressed my hand against a backlit, white surface and brought up files he had on my powers. He didn’t trash the file, I noticed, despite thinking I’d lost them. Most of it was on things I could do and things he wondered I could do. Reading, I could hear it all in Loki’s voice easily.

       _“In her ability to touch others and feel, she reports emotions first then images but never discloses them. Yet, I wonder if she were to apply herself, if she could steal secrets from the darkest corners of one’s mind. Or perhaps, she can block others from invading a mind. Must practice caution. How deep into a soul can she go to tug, twist, and infect it? Are there limits? Moreover, what of objects of great importance or power? Would she grow to a point where she could feel or see images with them? And what is this taking pain she speaks of? Where does it go and can she perhaps give it in such abundance that she can kill with it? That elf was only the beginning for her and I believe she knows that much.”_

      I pushed the file away and wondered for another moment before going through more of his things. So much was here, years of research on anything he desired. I imagined Loki sitting at this desk, rushing to go through pages and experimenting on things that he should not have been. Things that excited him, sparking more curiosity. Papers on places and cultures I’d never even heard of. I found notes on the compositions of different potions and even some on that black powder that had almost killed me. He’d stolen samples of it, I realized. There were notes on my blood. More on traveling through realms without Heimdall. Protective spells that were not at all legal.  _Everything was here_. I felt Loki in the air around me and realized that traces of his magic was here. But, he was dead.  _How was this possible?_ Upon entering Loki’s chambers, one could still feel pieces of his magic. But,  _this_. There were even damn files on men and women who terrorized the galaxy. Other people who he could have even met and had dealings with or learned from. Every little thing that ever pulled at the strings of Loki’s curiosity was in this tiny room and I’d found it. He knew I would one day. Loki had left me his damn life’s work.  _Why? To make me into him? No… To tell me the secrets he couldn’t. One day._

      Maps of Asgard and other realms scattered the walls, writing all over them as tubes of light went along the room to illuminate it from the first lamp. I stared at the space around me in wonder while I flicked through the files on the ancient artifacts, both on Asgard and not. Unable to stop myself, I went to the ones on me once more and my eyes lifted to what he had written. I guessed that this was a better and safer place for me to start as I knew now that I could not be blind to what I have already seen in here. I could destroy it all…or, there’s always that other option. Maybe I’d destroy it after.  _Most_   _of_   _it_. I wanted to expand on my power and Loki was giving me the means to. Fascinated, I kept rereading Loki’s little notes until I no longer heard them in his voice…but in mine and by the time I was done, I realized that my lips had curved into a smile. A wide one.

       _Sweetheart…_

      “Well, I guess that’s worth a look.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ever read about Cupid and Psyche? Either way, it's both daunting and relieving to follow and fit an already written plot into your own fic. In the end Loki and the Lady gave each other their deepest fantasy. Loki's dream of being a great king and husband with his lady by his side. And her dream of having an influence and being truly brave on behalf of Asgard. Thanks!! Next one picks up days later and will be the year after Loki falls between Thor and The Avengers. New relationships and OCs ahead!!!


	24. Too Much in Between: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split prompt that followed the year without Loki to the start of The Avengers. Loki's betrayal is felt around Asgard in major consequences for The Lady and Thor. To smooth things over they must band together in more ways than one to fix it, terrible politics ensue. They have to play parts they do not want to keep the peace. The Lady's safety and standing in Asgard is all torn away. She's given a guard to watch her every move and tries to cope with the loss of Loki, shutting herself away while she also develops her abilities and researches some stones of infinite power. :)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted Suicide Warning!!! Explicit self mutilation scene. I'll be honest, my new OC's face claim is 200% Oscar Isaac because he's a real life Asgardian blessing this Earth. Also, sex with people who are not Loki to come. Also, my writing blog is just-sid.tumblr.com :)

     Deep down, I always knew things could be far worse for me. But, no, I’d found the words  _perfect_  and  _invincible_  in my vocabulary over other words like  _mutilation_  and  _destruction_. So, what did it matter anymore? In the passing days after Loki’s death, I half expected to be tossed in prison for not disclosing the hidden room under his chambers. Quickly, I realized that it was sealed from the gatekeeper; Loki’s charms were still very much in the air around his bedroom. I hadn’t left the palace once as, according to Odin and Frigga,  _it wasn’t in my best interest_. Not until my trial.  _Oh wait_ , I meant my simple hearing with King Odin. Rubbing my head, I jotted down a few notes from things Loki had written before standing when someone knocked at the door.

      And Loki thought he had problems in this palace.

      “Just a moment,” I hurried up the stairs and waved my arm to close the trapdoor before the carpet and desk shifted over it. “Who is it?”

      “It’s us,” Elise called back. “Moira and I have been looking for you.”

      “Come in,” I smoothed my hand over Naaki as she passed me on Loki’s desk.

      “You’ve been spending a lot of time in here.” Elise smiled softly at me, carrying something wrapped in fabric and Moira shut the door behind them. Faleen had been encouraging Elise to make use of her new arm prosthetic. Just the prototype. It was a work of art that Faleen shut herself in her study making. Silver with daisy floral designs carved along the limb. When she drew closer, I could hear the familiar soft mechanics humming within it.

      “I find it a comfort,” I replied without feeling. “It’s time, isn’t it?”

      “Yes,” Moira clasped her hands. “They sent us to get you ready to see the king.”

      “Suppose I should not keep him or our audience waiting. There will be one, will there not?” I picked up Naaki, scratching her ears. “Come to gawk and jeer at the traitor’s whore. Isn’t that right, Naaki?” I kissed her head and forgot the other women in the room briefly. “Shall we?” I spoke before either of them could and Moira furrowed her brow.

      Sure I was angry and depressed and so damn  _angry_. But…something bigger was carving itself into my heart.

      The pure euphoria of complete nothingness.

      It was awful and almost freeing.

      “They know you had nothing to do with what…he did,” Elise whispered, looking to Moira. “Don’t they?”

      “The royals do. But, Asgard might not care either way. They move in mobs.” Moira was honest and I appreciated that much. “We’ll go to your room and get you ready.” I led them out without speaking, walking the golden halls as I admired the clouds outside. Rain had come and gone and come again frequently. Guards briefly looked at me in passing and attendants lowered their eyes to the floor. In truth, besides my new found experimenting, I’d been watching Loki’s room because I knew it would eventually be stormed for answers. When we turned the corner, Thor was waiting next to my room and I didn’t address him until he spoke when I stood next to him to open my door.

      “I will not lie to you, it will be rough,” Thor muttered and I didn’t bother looking at him as I unlocked my door to allow Moira and Elise to pass. “I shall do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

      “What will I be after this, if not the younger prince’s princess?” I tried not to sound hopeful. “It is my only wish to continue life as a warrior of Asgard. It’s been the only constant thing in my life, more so than the healing room. I can just be content losing myself along the battlefield. You know?”

      “We’ll get you there again,” Thor gave me his word. “You may need to…play along with whatever happens.”

      “That,” I let my eyes slide to his, “I can do,  _darling_.” Without waiting for him to speak, I went into my room and the door closed behind me. Releasing Naaki, I shifted behind a screen and removed my dress before Elise handed me a lavender gown with soft lace and frills. “So, they’re dressing me to look absolutely innocent.” I shifted my fingers across the front of the dress. Moira moved to tie the back up. “Just once I’d like to go a month without wearing something political.”

      “You’re in the wrong place,” Moira replied and I chuckled dryly.

      “It’s a pain,” I added distantly. “Life is a pain.” I pretended not to notice the unsettled look Elise gave me before I slipped on shoes and sat down at my vanity. Moira perfumed me with oils and I watched Elise flex her silver fingers with a little strain before she picked up a brush with her other hand to do my face. Moira fixed my hair up, leaving most of it down to frame my face. “How is it? Your arm?”

      “Faleen says she’s proud of the progress, my body’s taken well to it. I can pick things up now a lot better than I could when we began just days ago. Can’t believe she created it as quickly as she did. A true professional. This will be the start of many once I'm used to it.” Elise beamed at me.

      “She’s a wonderful patient,” Moira added and Elise brightened, causing my lips to quirk up slightly. “Faleen will be back from her delivery in a few days to continue their sessions.”

      “I’m clumsy at times still,” Elise added, curling her prosthetic to herself as she worked on me. “And you are about done, part your lips a bit.” I did so and allowed her to brush a soft pink color across them. “There.”

      “Wish me luck,” I exhaled, smoothing my hands over my stomach. I tried not to think of words like  _barren_  and  _torment_. The voices in my head were all taking little chisels to my brains, burrowing to hide within the cracks that deepened as time went and I remained untreated. I tried hard to hear Loki’s voice at times for some scrap of comfort but all it offered was crippling guilt and the flashing word,  _deficiency_. I wanted to vanish. Elise and Moira followed me out before two guards escorted me to the throne room. It was unsettling, the way the large crowd went silent when I was shown in. I tried to find some power in it. Ahead, I saw warriors and court people in their proper places along with room, framed by guards. People of Asgard all watched me from behind the lines. Thor was at the foot of the stairs with Frigga opposite him and Odin up in his throne. The King himself was surrounded by a few advisers and trusted members of our court. They flocked to Odin's side. Already whispering. The Elders would have originally been there and the thought almost split my lips open.

       _Look what we did Nerien…and how quickly he replaced them._

      Silent, I had to walk the room alone and pretended I didn’t hear little utters of insults from the upset citizens around me. The voices in my head came and went but right now, I’d take them all over this seemingly eternal silence that numbed my senses and painted the walls with words I couldn’t bear to utter. Odin tapped his staff hard against the floor, looking as regal and as powerful as he always did just before the people hushed completely. Hesitating, I stared at his face and dropped to one knee, settling my fist to my heart in a warrior’s gesture of respect. I should have curtsied, but this felt better.

      “You may rise,” he bid me to come to my feet and I felt a weight threatening to hold my shoulders down as I looked up at him and stood fully. “The purpose of this hearing is to decide what is most appropriate for you after the events of last week. Foremost, I am required by law of Asgard to question your actions as, outside of our house, you held the most direct ties to the rogue.”

       _Name him_ , my mind called. But, no, striking his name from history was better in the eyes of Asgard’s people. Gods could not contemplate their wrongs, they were always right. We needed to move forward into a new age, kicking and screaming if we must. Loki was bad for business.

      “I understand, your majesty.” I managed out but Thor stepped forward.

      “Father, we’ve already held countless witnesses, myself included, who all agree that her actions were that of a warrior protecting Asgard. She could not have known, or she would have stopped it by any means.” Thor nodded at me and I swallowed but nodded in return. “The healing room, the warriors, and palace workers who came into contact with her those days report not one act of treason.”

       _Loving Loki was treason enough._

      “I’ve heard them,” Odin waved Thor back and gazed at me. “My lady, you are not on trial.”

_Wasn’t I?_

      “Were you at all aware of the rogue in question’s plan?”

      “Not until it was too late, my King,” I replied coolly. “The power I saw in Prince Loki was unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed from him.” When I spoke his name, people whispered behind me. “I know no more than yourself…and your  _lovely_   _wife_.” Frigga looked away from me when we locked eyes briefly. That motion told me everything I needed to know about what was to happen to me here. 

      If I could have carved out my heart right now, I would have.

      “Loki is now a criminal rogue and no longer prince of Asgard. Passed away when he allowed himself to fall into a wormhole that would have scattered him across the realms.” Odin surveyed the room around us. My hands clasped together tightly and I didn’t ignore the way Thor’s feet shifted. He had to be strong. Frigga swallowed her tears gracefully before they could fall.

      “Traitor’s whore!” Someone called behind me and I closed my eyes shortly, forcing myself to not look back.

      “Lying witch!” Another added, rallying people up. Thor took an angry step forward before Odin hit his staff hard, the sound echoed.

      “ _Bastard_!” That one was my favorite.

       _Don’t laugh_ , I told myself.

      “Enough!” He shouted, listening to an adviser next to him. The people in the audience wanted blood but no amount could match what I craved. Odin could see it too, the way they desired to get at me and rip me apart. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what was said here. They thought I’d betrayed them like Loki had. Loki’s actions had to be made up for somehow. And Loki was gone but I was here. He left me at the mercy of these people. They thought I wanted gold and power. I didn’t want any of that. In truth, I just wanted my mother. I wanted to her smooth her hand over my head before she ran a comb into my hair like she used to when I was a little girl. But, I’d found and burned every letter that could have possibly gotten to her. So I was on my own here.

      My eyes drew to a dagger on Thor’s hip.

      “My lady, if you perhaps denounced your ties to the traitor,” the adviser stepped forward and I caught Thor shaking his head.     

      “Denouncing Loki is the one thing I cannot do, Sir,” I breathed after a moment, clasping my hands tighter when the crowd grew restless.

      “Why?” Odin addressed me as a man and not a King.

      “Did you denounce Prince Thor fully after you banished him?” I countered softly.

      “No,” Odin sat taller, hitting his staff to silence the room once more.

      “I cannot denounce Loki for the same reason,” I didn’t elaborate.

      “My lady, you must understand your situation,” a second adviser began, “as well as the situation of Asgard’s people. We mean to help you, protect you, and perhaps arrange a marriage to a noble lord. The people are calling for your interrogation, imprisonment, and for a flogging.”

      “None shall happen as she is  _not_  on trial.” Thor couldn’t hold back.

      “Nonetheless, actions must be taken,” Odin stood and looked upon me with what may have been sympathy. “This woman has fought and bled for Asgard. She is one of us and so to protect her and keep the peace along Asgard, you will remain in the palace.”

      “No!” People shouted but Odin went on and I was shaking.

      “You will remain under the protection of the palace,” he repeated. “You will be given a guard to watch over you day and night and be at your call. I know one who is suitable and I’ve already written for him to arrive within the week. But, as it stands, more serious actions must be taken so on this day… I, Odin, Allfather,  _revoke_  your status as warrior of Asgard.”

      The uproar around me didn’t reach my ears.

      I felt it.

      The sudden silence that came with death.

      The way Nerien’s gaze turned up toward the snowfall.

      The way Loki’s fingers uncurled from the staff.

      The way a little girl touched my face before…

      The way my veins  _sang_.

      “No longer will you wield a weapon or don armor in the name of Asgard. No longer will you roam the training grounds or fight along a battlefield. Frigga will find you something to do in the coming month, she has a few ideas. You’ll also be given a sum of gold to do with what you wish every two weeks. Thus ends this-”

      “No!” I didn’t realize it was me who screamed until the silence enveloped me. My voice was deadly with a low tremor. “ _No_ …”

      “This is not a negotiation.” An adviser seethed at me. “Consider yourself lucky.”

      “Being a warrior is  _everything_  to me, it is my life. My purpose. I am a warrior of Asgard. It is my identity and all I know in my heart. Please, your majesty, I am begging you to not take it away from me.” I stepped forward and two guards blocked my path. “I’ll put myself at your mercy.  _Please_.”

      From a young age, I’d grown to know that those above me would always disappoint me. Whether I begged or not. _Please, Father. Please, Mother. Please, my king._

      “It is already done.” Odin shook his head.

      “Why am I on trial for the actions of another?!” I fought back and Odin stood taller to look at me carefully. Thor turned to speak but Odin pointed with a look that said,  _silence_. A slow tear rolled down Frigga’s cheek and I shook my head. “Just put me in prison, this is no better.”

      “I assure you, this is better,” Odin retorted. “This isn’t a trial, you’re not being sentenced to a life in-”

      “Oh, but it is!” I pushed away from the guards and clenched my hands, turning to look at the people around me. Slowly, I imploded and let them all feel the heat. “You ungrateful beasts expect me to play princess still, for  _my_  safety?! I bled for all of you and still it wasn’t enough?  _Huh_?!” The matching looks of shock all bore into me but I was too riled up to stop and Odin let me. “I’ve been on trial from the moment Loki set his gaze upon me. From you! From  _them_! From all of this damned place!” I stared up at the king and continued, ignoring the gasps behind me. “I am on trial here because I opened my legs for the  _wrong_  prince! I always have been! I'm on trial because I am poor and imperfect and not a fair or balanced woman! I am on trial because I'm not what you desire and I will not stay in the cage you built!” I tilted my head at Thor and wished I could hear what he was thinking.

      “You’re here for your own safety and for the peace of mind of Asgard,” an adviser began but I was going to be  _relentless_. “You took up with a man who betrayed us and that is a reflection upon you.”

      “I’m not here for the terrible things that I have done…and will do. I’m here because I am a woman and I belong to me now…and none of you can  _stand_  that. I'm here because I chose to fight corruption with Nerien instead of watch it pass by. Asgard is supposed to be more evolved than this. Getting into bed with someone who betrayed us says  _nothing_  about me except that  _I didn’t know_. I wish I did but I didn't! But,  _now_ …” My breathing grew heavy as I shook and my insides lit with fire. I whispered so only the people in front of me could hear among the chaos around me. “Looking around…I’d let Loki betray you all ten times over and feel  _nothing_.” This made Frigga’s gaze snap to me before she took a step of warning forward, shaking her head. Odin’s staff hit the ground and no one behind me heard the threat. “ _Oh_ , do I have your attention now, my Queen…?”

      “We don’t have time for this, your majesty. She’s talking madness.” Another man added quickly from Odin’s side but my next shout made the King stop.

      “ _Madness_?” Tears welled up in my eyes when I gave a strained, breathless laugh. “It’s so easy for you to pawn me off as crazy, is it not?”

      “Silence!” The man called, causing Thor to spin around but I kept talking.

      “You  _gave_  him hate and let him drown in it. You know you did. And I didn’t stop it and neither did anyone else in this room until it was too late. Loki betrayed Asgard, yes. But, I cannot say his path beforehand surprised me. Not anymore.” I closed my eyes and shook my head before continuing. “We’re all damned. We’re no better that the Jotuns… or the mortals. We hide behind our battle craving guise because we cannot face the truth… We’re monsters!” _I’m a monster, mommy._ “All of us. We kill and bleed and we  _love_  it. I tried to pretend I could be something else. Loki did too. But, we are all monsters, my King. We’re all burning. The Valkyries won’t be singing when they come for us… I can hear them sometimes.” Eyes wide, I trembled erratically and heaved for air. “They’re screaming…  _Always screaming_. And you just handed me a death sentence.”

      “Help her back to her room.” Odin gestured and two guards pulled at my arms. Thor stepped forward but the King had descended the stairs and set an arm out to stop him. “Leave her be, my son.”

      “We’re monsters!” I let out a cry when they tugged painfully at my arms.

      “Stop!” I heard Fandral’s voice in the crowd. “You’re hurting her!”

      “You just killed me,” I kept at it as I struggled. “Look at me! Look at me while you’re killing me!”  _They never do._  “I know my way back!” I jerked away from the guards and saw Fandral struggling to get beyond more men with my valiant friends behind him.  _Goodbye_ , I had mouthed. “I know my way.”

      “We’ll continue this more discreetly when you gather yourself,” Odin pointed and I looked at the people around me.

      “No, we won’t. It was only a matter of time, I suppose.” Eyes wide, I was backing up carefully.

      “Wait!” Thor was the first to read my tone but I’d already began to run. I ignored the voices telling me not to do this. I ignored every promise I’ve ever made to others and to myself. I just ran back to my room and locked the door. Instantly someone was knocking at it, calling my name.  _Elise. Sweet girl._

      “They didn’t let us in, what happened?!” Elise was yanking at the door and I touched it to open the lock but paused, leaning my forehead against it before I kept the lock in place. “Moira, come help me!” I’d shut the bathroom door before Naaki could come out to greet me.

      “Go away.” I found my voice. “Go away, Elise.” I felt tugs on the handle and stood back, lifting my hands to use magic. The plants on either side of the doors grew and branched out to curl around the handles, holding them shut. Moira was calling for me now but I turned my head and stared out at the sky for a moment. “It’s over.” I backed up until I hit my desk and curled my fingers around a cold handle. I always thought this would be some draw out process for me but I didn’t have the luxury of time anymore. “Mommy? Help us… Please…?” I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t. I didn’t close my eyes when I started and I didn’t hear the sound outside my room when my dress grew wet. The world closed in and smothered me. I saw my face in the mirror. One of beauty and decay. I didn't want to be beautiful anymore. Tears smeared black down my face before I trembled and lifted the blade to my cheek. I might have screamed. Stumbling before I uttered my next words as my fingers clawed at my gown to hold myself.  _“Deliver me.”_

** ** **

      Thor flew from the room and around the palace. He remembered thinking that she looked like Loki before…before he…

      He recalled when the Destroyer knocked his mortal body into the dirt. It felt…cold. Cold unlike any winter he’d endured. It wasn’t peaceful. It wasn’t beautiful. It was painful. So, he flew and knocked the balcony doors off their hinges to enter the room, a scrap of hope still latched itself to his heart when he saw her standing near the fireplace with her back to him. She was hunched over a bit and shaking like something was possessing her, twitching about and muttered pleas to her mother. Thor didn’t dare touch her yet, instead softly stating her name to beckon her back from the emptiness carved into her brain and poisoning her heart.

** ** **

      “What have you done?” Thor asked softly before calling to quiet the others outside my door. The branches were dying around it, shriveling together unpleasantly.

      "They'll say I did it for him. For love. Do not let them believe that." 

      "I won't." Thor promised me.

      “I needed to free the voices before I went.” I inhaled sharply, trembling harder. “I can feel them. They're…everywhere.” The floor painted in hues of red. “ _Screaming_.”

      “Won’t you turn? Let’s talk about this.” Thor eased and I caught his shadow growing closer. “Drop what you hold in your hand.”

      “ _Can’t breathe,_ ” I pulled the front of my dress open, tearing the fabric to expose the bodice laced underneath. “Let me go.” I pleaded to the wall, hyperventilating.

      “I cannot,” Thor replied. “You won’t go like this.”

      “They’ll parade me around like a piece of art,” I sobbed, dropping one of my hands and I heard Thor’s breathing hitch when he saw my forearm. My body stung with searing pain. Loki wasn’t going to come for me and pull me into the beautiful light with him. I was alone. And in pain. And ugly. And frightened. And I wanted my damn mother.

      “They will not let you go either,” Thor tried before changing tactics. “They’ll just put you in longer sleeves and parade you around still. People like us, we do not get out once we are in… I understand. I know the truth about my brother and I am here for you as you have been for me. We could help each other. I am not Loki… But, you can allow me to assist you. You can trust me.”

      “ _Longer_  sleeves,” I focused on that statement. “Perhaps. But, you are acting like I hadn’t thought of that… I’ll make sure they see if I survive this.” I laughed, a hideous, tiny sound that cut over with tears. “Either they look at me in disgust, or they’ll make me invisible. It’s all right…I know both well. I don’t…  _I don’t care._ ” I turned and Thor’s inhale caught completely, bright blue eyes widening in horror. Or maybe it was sadness. A perfect cut lined down both my cheeks from an inch under my eyes to my jaw. In the mirror behind Thor, they looked like bloody tears.  _How dramatic._  I’d picked that up from Loki. Though, it was difficult living in Asgard without picking up some theatrics. Blood covered my arms, dripping down my fingertips as I held my hands out for Thor, palms up. I'd mutilated myself. Once I started with the blade, I could stop. I didn’t look like a radiant angel. I looked ugly. I looked like a monster. All I could think was,  _good_. “Will you walk me down the aisle at my wedding? I think I want Fandral on one arm…and you on the other…” I bent my arms, eyes wide and devoid and Thor clenched his jaw to fight what might have been tears as he reached for me.

      “I swear it.”

      “Good…” I exhaled and shook with a violent sob. “ _Good_. Can I go now?”

      “No, not now,” Thor drew closer. “You will not perish. We’ll get you help.”

      “It’s too late for me. I have to help myself.” I stared down at my sliced up arms, blood was gushing and I felt Thor’s breathing pick up.

      “It is never too late,” Thor inched himself toward me. “You’ll live, damn it. You will live.”

      “Don’t make me do this,” I shook my head.

      “You’ll make yourself do it. You have so much more to offer these realms. So much living to do for yourself first.”

      “We could…have been so  _happy_.” I stepped toward Thor and fell into his arms, his golden skin was swiped with my blood. My hands ached and twitched. I looked up at him and his blue eyes blurred together. Thor picked me up and touched his forehead to mine.

      I felt loved.

      “Brother, please,” Thor murmured gently and I felt him taking me somewhere, the world was turning to shadows. I tried to sleep but I heard Elise scream, pulling me back.

      “It’s over,” I kept muttering. At first, it was cold but then heat cradled me like flames licking at my skin.

_And from the ashes…_

      “Do everything to save her,” I heard Thor speaking, “and…” My friend had finally grown to understand me perfectly, “leave the scars.”

      My lips curled up before I was gone.

** ** **

      Awaking from nothingness made it all the more painful to see the room surrounded in my friends. Fandral curled next to me in bed with an arm around my hips. Thor in the chair next to me with Elise and Moira on each of his shoulders. Faleen, returned from her trip, in Moira's lap. Volstagg on Sif’s shoulder on a couch and Hogun propped upright with his eyes closed. I brought my wrist up to see the many clashing scars lining it, tracing them with my other hand before touching my face. Two lines could slightly be felt along either my cheeks. Bending my fingers was odd and painful at first, I was surprised I still had use of my hands.

       _“Is it out of your system yet?”_  Nerien approached my bed.  _“Almost, I imagine. They won’t let you go any more than we will. And you won’t let them go either like you won’t let yourself go. Not yet. You’ve already grown on your new self too much to do that. Congratulations Asgardian, you are finally allowing yourself to let her go. She thinks of you often.”_

 _It hurts too much to put behind me._ I thought, lip trembling.

       _“Yet, you’ll continue nonetheless… We have to go for a while. You won’t have your guardians for this one.”_  Nerien’s voice faded into the darkness.

Carefully, I sat up but Fandral jostled and lifted his head from my side as I got myself against the headboard. We stared at each other and I expected to be yelled at but he tossed himself toward me, gathering me forward into his arms.  _Affection_.

      “She’s awake,” Fandral sputtered, his hand cradled my head and I didn’t know what to make of this. He kissed each of my cheeks and held me tighter to him as more joined us until all my friends piled together in one embrace. So much love. And it was every bit for me.

      It hurts. It heals. It hurts even more.

      “I don’t… I don’t think I deserve this after what I did,” I voiced carefully.

      “Hush, you’re here with us…” Fandral breathed into my neck. “My sweet lady. We cannot lose you. I cannot…”

      “Why are you-?”

      “What are friends for?” Moira added. “We’re just glad you’re still here.”

      “I’m sorry.” Their emotions slammed into me when I finally got my hands around Fandral’s shoulders. I touched his soft hair with my fingertips before surging my hands into it.

      “Just allow what you need to out,” Thor spoke, touching my shoulder and I let a sob crawl from my throat. Surrounded by the people who cared about me, I allowed myself to cry. My friends. They loved me so much and I almost…

      “I don’t know what came over me,” I shook my head. “After… It’s all a fade.”

      “What Odin decided, sure it would supposedly protect you, but it was not right. You will always be a warrior of Asgard.” Sif offered. When they began to back off and surround my bed, I stared down when Fandral took my hand.

      “I am not a warrior anymore.” I stated the words aloud and my throat clenched together.

      “Yes,” Hogun began gently, “you are.”

      “Asgard will think I did this in the grief of losing Loki. I wish they did not.” I muttered softly.

      “Asgard won’t think that,” Thor looked at my face and I narrowed my gaze.

      “What aren’t you telling me?”

      “Those who asked why you are in the healing room are being told you were attacked on your way back to your room. Angry mob held you down and…carved your skin up. It will inspire some sympathy.” Moira added and Elise nodded next to her.

      “We have to lie, Odin demands it.”

      “Huh.” I tried to laugh but only exhaled, shaken. “Attacked by a mob. How long have I been in here?” I attempted to pull up some more emotions but found myself looking at a blank canvas. They were all talking at me and telling me that they were here for me and that they loved me and that they were so glad I was back and alive. I think I heard it all but, I could be wrong.

      Where was my mind?

      Not here.

      “Few days,” Sif replied as I sat in my daze. “You’re no stranger to the healing room, we expected you to be back with us soon.” None of them were looking at me too differently and I found some comfort in that. But, they touched me carefully as if I’d be frightened off. “They sent a letter to your mother, assuring her that you are fine and safe.”

      “What am I going to do?” I asked hopelessly and Volstagg shifted around Fandral to touch my hair. He felt like a father.

      “You are strong and we know you’ll prove stronger after this.” He smiled at me. “We cannot go against the King but we will always be here for you.”

      “I won’t lose myself to grief like that…not again,” I closed my eyes and opened them. “I want to be taken before the King again. I’m ready now.”

      “You’re certain?” Elise tilted her head at me.

      “Yes, I am.” I nodded to assert myself.

      “I must admit,” Thor began, “I have a plan to assist you. It may prove insane but I think you and I are both there. We can walk the path together.”

      “How? You can’t stop your father from pawning me off if he wishes later to keep me  _safe_  as they call it,” I shook my head. “Bad enough I cannot be a warrior and I’m stuck in the palace but if he orders me to leave-”

      “Trust me,” Thor stood fully, and gestured for the warriors to leave. “Get her ready and we’ll be in the throne room. Play along with what I do and trust me.”

      “Fifteen minutes,” Moira was tugging me up carefully by the elbow. My body ached but, I had to stand tall and do this. “Come, let’s get you cleaned up.” I couldn’t get out of this game. Neither could they. But, I could keep playing if I had to. I tried to kill myself but I couldn’t commit yet and they could see that; I was forever on the edge of something great and terrible. I’d sent a message, in my own twisted way. I had to live, even if I didn’t always like it and even if they did not as well. I could go on.

** ** **

      In a new dress, I walked the hall to the throne room and was glad that a large audience wasn’t there. There was a slight crowd but I’ll take what I can get, I suppose. I eyed Odin’s advisers and bowed before one spoke.

      “We’re glad to know you survived the  _attack_ ,” he stated evenly, “we heard you fought valiantly.”

      “Always for my palace.” I replied. “My king, if I may approach?”

      “You may,” Odin beckoned and I stood on the second step, setting distance from Elise and Moira behind me.

      “I will accept your terms but I have some of my own. Nothing too grand.” I heard the many warriors murmuring on either side of me.

      “Name them,” Odin peered down at me with Frigga at his side.

      “I request that I be moved into Loki’s chambers.” People around me disapproved but I went on. “I can get my own assistance to move in, it will cause you no issue. Consider it a comfort to me, as well as a safety measure as it’s a better location. Moreover, no attendant wishes to enter it. I can handle all upkeep on it appropriately.”  _And continue my work_. I stared at Odin and he stared back before replying.

      “Done. Anything else?”

      “I request to keep Elise as my lady-in-waiting and Moira when needed. I want them under the palace’s protection as well. I don’t want anyone near me getting hurt on my account since the people of Asgard do not view me favorably right now. I want extra guards on the healing room. To protect the women and men doing their jobs for the better of all of Asgard.”

      “Done. That all?”

      “I’d also like to take my meals in my new room, you do not need me at your table.”

      “You will sit at our table when required on special occasions and you will show up for banquets. Otherwise, your time is yours.”

      “Yes, thank you, your majesty,” I clasped my hands and another adviser spoke from Odin’s side.

      “There is still the question of your future here in Asgard. While I imagine it would be easier to move you to Vanaheim when the bifrost is repaired, we can eventually arrange a good match for you.”

      “I do not think that will be necessary, my lord,” I tried softly.

      “Nonsense, you are practically a princess of Asgard. Any man would be lucky to hold such a  _gem_.” The adviser continued and I managed to smile but Thor stepped between us.

      What happened next sent me spinning.

      “That shall not be necessary because I, Prince Thor of Asgard and next in line for the throne, request her hand in marriage,” Thor stared at his father and shock jolted the room. My mouth dropped in awe but Thor was offering me his hand so I took it in my daze.

       _Wait_.

      “ _Thor_ …” Odin pressed, not liking this any longer. “My  _son_.”

      “It is the only way to keep the balance,” Thor took my hands. He had a point. “If she will have me, I offer myself as a suitable husband.”

      “Can he do that?” An adviser muttered amongst the people in the room.

      “I am heir to the throne and you did say that it was growing time to find a Queen.” Thor spoke and I eyed Frigga, unable to read her expression. Yes, Odin had been saying that but I’m almost certain that he had another in mind. Namely Sif. “Her standing and background inspire the lost. The fallen minority and oppressed in need of a voice. I've always respected her. She could stand tall and inspire these realms. Those seeking a hand. I offer only a promise now as the realms require me first. When they find some peace, we can set a date. It would be an honor.” Thor looked at me, raising his eyebrows before nodding and I realized then that everyone was staring at me. “I realize that I’ve sprung this on you,” he touched my face and felt of his usual certainty, “but I give you my word now. Father, we’ve comforted each other after the loss of Loki and after all these years, I cannot deny my feelings. I want to care for you.” Thor was good at this. Loki would have been proud.

      Or completely infuriated.

      “After, what happened, I just don’t know if I can…” I played coy.

      “What say  _you_ in that case, my lady?” Odin had stood and his voice was terse.

      “I…” I stared up at Thor nodding at me and looked at the people around us. The shock hadn’t dissipated. “Well, I…” I didn’t know what the hell to say. They were asking but they knew I couldn’t refuse. Thor seemed sure that this was a good plan and I still didn’t know how to respond so I did the next best thing. I wished Loki was here to see it. “ _Oh…_ ”

      I feigned a faint.

      Falling forward into Thor like a swooning maiden, my back arched when he quickly caught me with one arm around my back. Gasps echoed throughout the room and I had to fight not to smile. My performance was just so  _perfect_. Curls bounced and tumbled back as Thor picked me up fully in his large arms, shifting. My limbs splayed out.

      “She fainted,” he called to the room. “This all has been too trying on her. She’s fine… I’ll just…right.” Thor shifted so my arms were around his shoulders and my face went into his neck. I heard people moving about the room and dared to peek through my hair at Odin now speaking through gritted teeth to Frigga. They both caught me looking and I couldn’t help allowing my lips to upturn as the doors closed behind me. _Checkmate._ “That wasn’t real, right?” Thor murmured and we drew farther away.

      “Which one of us is going to be tossed in a pit by your parents first?” I replied softly. I could feel pain in Thor, like he was finally nailed to the earth underneath his feet but also, he felt… _good_. The prince had a heart of gold and I wanted no part in tarnishing it.

      “I didn’t know what else to do,” he explained. “This way, we have some control.”

      “We cannot get married for real.”

      “We’ll figure something out but now we at least have a few years to do so.”

      “You gave me freedom I cannot pay back,” I shifted my head to look at him.

      “I do not expect you to.” Thor stared at me and smiled. “We just need to play our parts and the rest will follow.”

      “I can do that much,” I watched him for a moment before he allowed me down when I arrived at my room. Thor peered at me with a gentle expression and I felt my lips turning up before we were interrupted.

      “There you both are,” Elise raced behind Moira down the hall. “Are you well?”

      “Yes.” I forced my gaze from Thor and stepped backwards.

      “That was bloody brilliant,” Moira looked at Thor before remembering herself, “my prince.” She bowed her head and Thor shrugged while I looked down at my wrists. “What now?”

      “After I move into Loki’s room,” I exhaled, “I’m going to distance myself so this calms down. From all of you. I need time.”

      “You shouldn’t distance yourself after…” Elise trailed off and shuffled her feet.

      “It’ll get worse before it gets better,” I shook my head. In a way, I still felt numb. I thought of Loki and how outwardly angry he would have been with me. I think a part of me wanted that for a while in place of the acceptance I got. I know I shouldn’t. But, I missed every part of him.

      Why had this all happened so fast?

      “I can bring Fandral to help you move in an hour.” Thor nodded.

      “Yes, thank you, I’ll…get working.” I turned. “You both are dismissed for today…I’ll be fine.” Quickly, I bid them goodbye and entered the room, Naaki jumped from my bed to instantly rub against my legs before I slid down the door to hold her close. I kissed her soft head and allowed her to nuzzle my jaw. I didn’t feel…destructive per se. But something in me craved…well… _feeling_   _something_. Anything. I was right back where I started. “Ready for this, my sweet?” I looked down at my cat and smiled somewhat at her. “Me neither.”

      Standing, I let her free and came upon my armor and weapons on a table. I didn’t allow myself to hold them fondly one last time. Opening a large chest, I shoved them all away in pieces and locked it, save for a dagger, when there was a knock on the door.

      “Elise, I told you I’m fine, I suppose you can come in,” I looked up to see Frigga entering and straightened up. “Forgive me, my  _Queen_ , I thought you were Elise.” She didn’t close the door all of the way and approached me.

      “What are your intentions with my son?”

      “That was all Thor in there, he’s quite clever.” I waved my hand to fold some clothing behind me as we watched each other. “Was it all King Odin’s idea to take my warrior’s status away?”

      “I tried for you.”

      “ _Oh_ , I could see that,” I tilted my head in a way of sarcasm. “I won’t waste your time, I’m not here to hurt Thor in any way. He’s too important to me. But, what is happening with us...I'm going to let it. All of Asgard will just have to watch and see. I'm certain that will be difficult for all of you. _Good.”_

      “How are your hands?” She asked softly after a beat when I rubbed my wrist.

      “Sore. Fine. I’m not as good at dying as I used to be.” I replied carefully, looking back at her when I furrowed my brow. “Thor is, without a doubt, a great man. You raised him well.”

      “He’s a good boy.”

      “I don’t blame you for Loki either. I think I wanted to after our last conversation. It is his fault…what happened. But, he was never hopeless and I’m not sure if many will ever believe that anymore.” I just didn’t want him to be remembered as only a  _traitor_.

      “No, he isn’t,” Frigga replied. “I came here to speak to you about working in the library and possibly in the healing room when needed, if you wish.”

      “The library?”

      “Yes, just some organization and upkeep of the books. Gathering materials when requested. You’ll be alone but I think that is what you desire now.”

      “Very well, my Queen.”

      “ _Frigga_.” She corrected and turned as I struggled with myself for a moment.

      “Thank you, Frigga,” I paused. “You’re a good mom, you know?”  _Just not mine._

      “That means a lot, my dear,” Frigga opened my door. “There’s one more thing,” she peered at someone outside and beckoned them over. “Come in. There is also the matter of your guard, he begins today and I figured you both should get acquainted now.” The man who entered bowed low to me and our gazes locked when he stood. He was older than I but not as old as Volstagg. “I’ll leave you both to introductions.”

      “My lady, I have been assigned to your guard,” his deep voice began when the doors closed and I blinked at him. His features were darker, almost like mine but not quite. Soft light was filtering in from my window and he stepped forward to stand in it when I beckoned.

      “What do they call you?” I asked softly and somehow felt  _déjà vu_. The steel armor chest piece he had on was his own, not that of a palace guard as he carried an axe at his side and a shield on his back. The armor wasn’t too heavy and mostly leather so he could move easier. His cape was a deep grey and my eyes were drawn to a sigil embedded into his armor that looked like a snarling dog of some kind.

      “Alistair. From house Vollan.”

      “Vollan. I know it. Who is your family?”

      “My family has bred and raised the finest war dogs Asgard has seen in battle for generations. We also specialize in the operation of vehicles.” He had dark brown eyes and darker hair to match in soft curls with a full clean beard and mustache along his rugged face, but there was also a regality to him.

      “Yes, it sounds familiar.” I watched him carefully. Alistair was respectful and perfectly poised, he’d obviously been at this a long time. He also stared at my face directly, which I’ll admit, I liked. Turning to set books away into a box, I continued. “Your family does all that and you become a guard? Enjoy the traveling life?”

      “You could say that. I was stationed in a town six hours away. King Odin wrote me to come here for you.”

      “And what did they tell you of me, Alistair?” I went on, flicking my wrist to move clothing around. “You don’t have to lie.”

      “I did not intend to, princess.” He replied. “In summary, they told me you would be difficult.”

      “I am not a princess. Though, I’m technically not a lady either. But, it wouldn’t be good of you to refer to me as a bastard.” I watched him, his expression unfazed before I smirked sweetly. “They were correct. It’s no secret that I don’t require a guard to trail after me.”

      “You’re marrying Prince Thor. Heir. You are practically a princess of Asgard. They treat you as such.” Alistair watched me cross the room and I couldn’t help chuckling.

      “Yes, I’m very lucky to be  _accepted_  in the House of Odin, Allfather.” I moved a few empty wine bottles to the trash. “Did that sound  _too_  rehearsed? Never mind, don’t answer that.” I watched his eyes slide to the green fabric of Loki’s cape tucked under my pillow before I waved my hand to hide it fully.

      “I’ll resume my post at your word.” Alistair spoke and I looked up, reluctantly stepping toward him.

      “You know a lot about me as I’m sure they filled your ears so I won’t pretend I’m happy about this arrangement. You don’t have to either and I’m thankful you’re not.” When I was a few feet away, I realized he was only a few inches higher than I, but he carried himself like he was much taller. “I’m in the process of changing rooms and when you begin to station yourself outside my new quarters, I only ask one thing for now.”

      “It will be done,  _princess_.” Alistair stated the title without contempt but I found myself still wanting to curse him for it. He was good. I’ll give him that.

      “The second I set foot into my new room, not one person goes in after unless I bid it. You can also assume my silence means  _no_. No one but I. They’ll grow to understand. Easy enough?”

      “On your orders,” Alistair and I exchanged looks for a moment longer before I turned.

      “Take your post. Believe me…I am not going anywhere.”  _Not now._

** ** **

      Alistair passed his first test with flying colors. It almost hurt. To hear my name being called from the other side of Loki’s door. But, I remained quiet and eventually, the visitor saw themselves off. I sat in Loki’s room like a damn statue the first day and stared at the sky. Eventually, when I grew hungry, I found some wine. Close enough. Loki's stores were impressive and I drank wine that cost more than my life. Suppose I had to take things in.

      The second day, I summoned the courage to leave the room for a walk about the palace. Alistair fell into stride right behind me and I wanted to fume. Instead, I spoke with friends cordially and managed a visit to the healing room to greet Faleen in her study.

      The third day was when I really began to retreat. I stayed in Loki’s private study and stared at pieces of paper he’d written on before going into his archives. The part where he spoke about me feeling things from objects really struck me but I need a place to start with that one. Below the world, I read about the great evils in these realms. Some dead and gone and others waiting behind clouds. Others like Titans and those who served them.

      The fourth day brought more  _amazing_  news.

      “Next month, we will hold a banquet to recognize you as Thor’s future bride,” Odin told me with Alistair in the doorway behind him. “To raise the morale of Asgard and get this event out of the way, as I’m certain you wish to.”

      “Of course, your majesty,” I watched him walked about Loki’s room, just above the secret trapdoor under the carpet.

      “How are you finding your new chambers?”

      “Larger,” I replied. “Bit cold at night.”

      “If it assists you in dealing with what you need to deal with, I can accept that.” Odin turned to face me. “And your new guard?”

      “My valiant protector. He’s…always there.” I offered, flicking my gaze to Alistair. We hadn’t spoken to each other much as the days passed and I liked it that way. He didn’t seem bothered either. “Am I able to leave the palace grounds?”

      “So as long as he is with you now,” the King nodded. I understood Odin and found pieces of respect for him. But, in a strange way, I think I hated him. I think I hated that I understood his actions. I also think I hated that we were on the same playing field to Hel. “Your safety is our concern.”

      “Thor will not be happy, should something  _ever_  happen to me,” I replied evenly and he merely smiled at my face so soft and light.

      “None here would,” Odin stared me down with little result before turning when I grinned for him. Every time I smiled, I felt the slightest tug at my scars. There was...nourishment in that. They also gave me a sense of menacing that I hadn’t seen before. If Loki taught me anything, it was to embrace my found aesthetics. “I’ll leave you to it then, my lady.”

      “Always a pleasure, my king.” I watched him go and clasped my hands. “Alistair, I’d like to go for a walk now.” Passing him, I didn’t look back when my doors shut and he followed, ever so loyal.

       _“Won’t you come see me, darling?”_  My mother whispered in my head.  _“I miss you. Come home.”_

      I ignored the thought.

** ** **

      People stared at me when I walked the grounds of Asgard while those who didn’t made it a point to look the other direction. I didn’t know what was worse. Wind caused my hair to shift forward and I inhaled sharply, enjoying the fresh air. I craved freedom I’d never get. I craved feelings I’d never have. There it was. That sunken numb sensation leeching off me. A body stepped in front of me and I almost groaned.

      “Herlof. How have you been?” I paused and when he opened his mouth, I cut over him. “ _Wait_ , I just realized, I don’t actually care.” I tried to move around him but he didn’t allow it and Alistair stepped between us.

      “Back off her.” My dutiful guard warned.

      “Just wishing to say hello and offer my condolences to the lady,” Herlof smirked at me. “Luckily, there was another prince for you to pluck up, right?” When I was silent, he went on. “Nothing to say now? Good.”

      “Don’t you have an alleyway to pass out in?” I looked from Alistair’s defensive stance to the annoying man. “I’m sure I can kick you in the direction of one.”

      “You know what happens when someone falls through a wormhole?” He went on and I shook my head to pass him with Alistair just behind me. “They say your entire body stretches and rips apart.” Herlof called after me. “I’m sure you’ll find a piece of your prince somewhere if you look hard enough!” When I turned abruptly, Alistair set his arm out and instead ushered me forward.

      “He’s a drunk and not worth your time,” he made me turn and called behind us. “Respect the lady, my friend, lest you wish to meet the end of my axe.”

      “I’m surprised I haven’t been mobbed yet. Either they know you’re fierce in battle or we’re not lucky enough to get any excitement today.” I covered up any trace of sadness. “Are you a  _war hero_?”

      “If that is what they call a man who had slaughtered many in battle, then  _yes_.” He didn’t seem to like the term, nor was he bragging about it. I walked along and listened to his quiet footsteps behind me while I smoothed two fingers between some fabric of my dress. I had to condition myself to get used to being followed. As if I wasn’t paranoid enough.

       “Do you really have to follow me  _everywhere_? You don’t get any days off?”

      “No,” he replied pointedly so I looked ahead and turned a corner. “I’ve been instructed to watch over you day and night, they’re moving me into an empty room across from you.”

      “ _Perfect_.” I tilted my head when I caught my reflection in a window. The two light scars on my face framed my cheekbones and really made me feel more dangerous, if that was the appropriate word. Warpaint I couldn't take off. I loathed myself. “You remember when they said that I would be difficult?”

      “Yes, princess,” it sounded like a sigh.

      “Second test,  _guard_.”

      I took off running. He didn’t appreciate it.

      It almost became a game for me over the days. I’d run and he had no choice but to chase after me. It began to infuriate me. He  _always_  caught up to me. Always. And he didn’t bat an eyelash about it. When I tried to leave early and hide within the palace, he found me. When I began racing into forested areas, he still found me. Always asking me a familiar question at the end of it.

      “Are you finished, princess?” He’d take his usual guard stance and I tried not to puff for air.

      “Damn you,” I muttered under my breath, stalking off with him following as night overtook Asgard. “I’m done for today.” I got back to my room to see Thor waiting for me. He visited every evening after dinner and didn’t seem to mind when I ignored his calls from my door. But, today, he beat me to my room. Alistair bowed his head and Thor merely smiled at me, all that princely charm there. To play his part, he took my hand and kissed it in front of my guard.

      “Might as well come in, _my love_ ,” I passed him and waited for him to close the door behind us.

      “Not making things easy on him, I’ve heard.”

      “Never do.”

      “He’s a good man.” Thor offered.

      “They’re making him spy and report on me. On us.”

      “He never says much when asked. Always vague statements,” Thor watched me pour two glasses of wine. I tried really hard not to take interest in that. “I don’t think he believes our play fully but he isn’t letting that on when asked either.”

      “I see,” was all I muttered. “Either way. I don’t like it.” I offered him a glass and he took it after a moment.

      “Have you eaten today?”

      “Yes, Elise made sure I did.” I sipped and turned to open a window. “Did you need something? You’ve been coming to visit every night.”

      “You haven’t really spoken to the others or met us for feasts. I wanted to be sure you were well or something in the realm of that.” Thor caught me looking at him and smiled as I sat down. “Besides, being as you’re my fiancé, we have to be seen together at some point.” I stared down at Loki’s engagement ring on my finger before I slipped it off and put it on the chain my key was on. Thor didn’t comment.

      “I’m just trying to get back into a routine,” I gestured for him to take a seat next to me. “How are the warriors?”

      “They worry about you. They miss you on the training grounds.”

      “I wish they wouldn’t worry but, I’ll admit I miss them as well.” I brought one of my legs up and glanced at the scars on my arm when my sleeve shifted. “Distance is better.”

      “I do not agree.” Thor replied without judgment.

      “What do they ask of me in the throne room?” I changed the subject, sipping some wine before I used magic to pour more.

      “How frequently you leave the room, what you do, where you go…” Thor thought for a moment. “They wonder if you’re a danger to yourself or your surroundings still.”

      “And what of us?” I didn’t react. “Do they wonder if I’ve brought you into my bed yet?” Loki had been gone over two weeks. It felt like much longer.

      “Yes,” Thor drank and held out his goblet for me to pour more. “I imagine so.”

      “Don’t let me keep you from falling into bed with someone you fancy. Okay?” I stood to retrieve another bottle after finishing the first. “More wine after that cup?”

      “No, thank you,” Thor waved briefly.

      “Suit yourself,” I set down my goblet and drank from the bottle, carrying it around with me.

      “Drinking more, are you?”

      “Is that information you’re going to pass onto your father and his advisers?” I caught myself. “Sorry, it’s hard not to be paranoid.” My voice had taken on this fresh monotone sound in the passing days. “Hey,” I wiped my mouth on my sleeve. “Can you do me a favor?”

      “Yes?” Thor had turned his head to look at me.

      “Secretly, I know they want me to please you. They’re afraid you’ll stray from Asgard.” I’d picked it up from interacting with an adviser who I playfully touched on the arm as many times as I could. He was old and it was too easy. Being out of touch with sexual desires used to make me feel broken. But, here, I’d gotten so good at playing a part, I used desire as a tool like many other attributes I’d grown. Romance I could do with anyone but the sexual desire of it all fell away and I’d grown to like that about myself. I wasn’t broken for that anymore. Not in my mind. “They’re already making up rumors about us and I want to be in control of at least a few of them. So I need you to fake sex with me.”

      “ _Hm_?” Thor choked on his next drink.

      “Just a bit. Plus, it might also annoy my guard if anything.” Likely not since nothing bothered him to the point of bursting yet but I could hope. Thor stared down at his goblet before downing it and looking at me. We’d both lost so much. It didn’t matter.

      “What did you have in mind?”

      “Come here,” I whispered, beckoning him toward my door. “Attendants and palace guards pass all the time, all we need is one to hear and word will spread by night to the higher ups. Okay, now push me against the door a little.”

      “How?” Thor had his arms bent toward me and we both hesitated to grasp each other’s hands.

      “Just,” I pulled him closer. “Like that, just do it.”

      “Right,” Thor pressed me into the door and I gasped out when hinges jostled.

      “Okay, now do it again and moan or something,” I tried not to snicker and he appeared amused.  Thor pulled me in and pressed me against the door again. “ _Oh_ ,” I moaned out and nodded when he groan lightly with me. Repeating the action, I gasped louder and stifled a laugh. “Okay now toss me against the couch,” I murmured, hushing him.

      “ _Mmm_ ,” Thor almost snorted before he turned me around and backed me up until I was pushed backwards. In all honesty, I was a little drunk so the force combined with my dull senses sent me harder into the couch before it toppled over with me on it. Naaki jolted from her spot on my bed and scrambled up a bookcase.

      “ _Ah_!” I managed to hide my manic laughter with my hand as Thor rushed over.

      “Forgive me, are you…?” Thor trailed off when he saw my grin before I hushed him quickly.

      “Just go with it,” I brought the couch up and yanked off my boots to climb on it. I waved my hands at him to continue groaning and he did. “Oh, Thor…” I kept giggling between sounds before our combined sounds began to pick up.

       _“Ahhh…”_

_“Oh, yes.”_

_“There.”_

_“Please?! Oh, gods!”_ I pressed my palm to the side of my mouth and bit down to calm my laughter again when he began to chuckle through moans. “ _Mmm, yes.”_

      “Tone it down some,” Thor whispered and I pressed a pillow to my face.

      “Come move the couch,” I waved him over quickly and Thor grasped the side to rhythmically jostle it against the floor. We moaned out and I smacked my palms together, mimicking the sound of fleshy thighs slapping together. “ _Yes_.” I whined and snorted, shifting forward to bury my face in his chest for a moment. “Should we finish?”

      “I’m not that quick,” he muttered back and I snorted loudly.

      “ _Oh_ ,” I leaned back and made a dramatic thing of it when we locked eyes. “Oh! Yes! Thor! Oh!” I slapped my hands together and he rocked the couch I was on, grunting softly to play it up. “Ah!” I tossed my head back and cursed. “More!”

“ _Any more and I break this,”_   he whispered.

      “Almost!” I let out a high pitched cry. “Right there… Oh! Thor… My  _King_.” Thor moaned my name and we both acted out a climax. I let my head tumble into his chest and covered my mouth before catching my breath.

      “The  _King_  was a bit much,” he gave a breathless chuckle.

      “Yes, I figured,” I nonchalantly hopped up to snatch my wine bottle, fingers curling around the neck tightly. “Was it good for you?”

      “It was new.”

      “Just so,” I gulped down and came back to the couch when he sat down. Tired, I leaned my head on his shoulder. “You’re a great friend, you know that?”

      “I do what I can.” Thor shifted his arm to touch my back.

      “No, not just this. Other things. I’ll do anything for you if you need me in the coming months. I can’t pay you back for helping me but, I want to be there for you.” I cuddled into him. “I wish I could bring Loki back. Not for me. For you. I wish I could…could put you on Earth so you can see your friends there again. You deserved to be so happy after all this fades away.” Sleep was threatening to take over and he didn’t speak as I mumbled on. “I just can’t look at people here some days, it’s killing me… You ever feel like you want to allow the toxic parts of you to take control just so they’ll be recognized…? Also, every time I see my guard, I want to fight him.” I giggled finally and Thor let out a breath of amusement.

      “You should rest soon.”

      “Sometimes I hear other voices so often, I forget what my own sounds like,” I lifted my head to gaze at him. “It makes me want to shout my words.”

      “Shouting on occasion is something I know well,” Thor replied with a light smile and I smirked in return.

      “On  _occasion_?” I jested lightly. “Remember when we all went into that house and the  _berserker_  was triggered? What is that like? Is it scary?”

      “I don’t often remember much. It’ll come in flashes after. But, yes, there is something frightening in it. I know it isn't me, but the rush feels...I cannot describe it. Now I look back on the person I was and cannot imagine being like that now. It is like he never existed.”

      “You feel different,” I recovered quickly. “ _Seem_. I meant that you seem different. It doesn’t feel like you’re going to fly away at any moment now.”

      “No,” Thor cleared his throat. “Like you, I am not going to be flying anywhere for awhile.”

** ** **

      Days came and went. I tried everything in my power to avoid the outside world and my friends. I’d sometimes see Elise or Moira in the morning and then Thor in the evening. I didn’t always allow him in but when I did, he’d spend the night. We didn’t hold each other. We’d just look at each other across the mattress and fall asleep like that. I made little conversation outside of small talk when I ran into my friends with my usual monotone I’d picked up and held onto. My friends were…careful with me. Sif was slightly stiff but neither of us addressed the obvious. Alistair would stand at the foot of the stairs when I worked in the library, busying around with an armful of books.

      I drank frequently in the hopes of feeling something, but that didn’t work. Usually, it dulled me even more to the world so I decided it was time to try something else.

      “Dear, can you sort the bottles I left on the table in that room?” Eir pointed me off while healers bustled about around me. “There are many, but they’re all ingredients.”

      “Yes, ma’am,” I smoothed out my healer robes and locked eyes with Alistair, stationed at the window, before shutting the door to the smaller room. The quiet outside was nice, I suppose. The thoughts in my head hushed as I shifted bottles around quietly. The silence inside me was maddening. I tried to daydream more but that only pulled me further away from the earth under my feet. Opening a cabinet, I set a few bottles away and realized the top on one packed with butterfly wings was loose.

      I should have just continued with my work.

      Instead, I slipped the lid off and looked at the bottle. I knew these ingredients well and I knew it wouldn’t be noticed if a few went missing. Plucking one out, I eyed it curiously for a moment, holding it to the light to watch the colors shine through. Alcohol didn’t work so perhaps something here would trigger…anything in me. I wanted to fill out the void.

      So I popped it in my mouth. Chewed. Slight tingles. Nothing.

      I picked up a blue flower next. The petals crunched. I felt lighter but that passed.

      Swallowing a red flower, I seemed fully energized for a brief moment and had to resist running around the room.

      Next came a root that took way too long to chew so I spat it out and washed out my mouth. My saliva was black. My throat tightened but the sensation left while the dirt taste in my mouth remained.

      Stuffing a chunk of moss into my mouth next, my vision turned green and that lasted for about ten minutes before a potion followed to get rid of it.

      Chewing the eyeball from a reptile, I shuddered when it squished unpleasantly in my mouth and my entire body tingled from my stomach to my fingertips. I giggled for three minutes because of it.

      I don’t remember how many ingredients I devoured but Alistair walked in on me chewing a bunch of berries that turned my lips purple and nearly jumped out of his skin.

      “Shut the door!” I squeaked out, sputtered to spit out the rest of the ingredient in the sink before washing it out. My fingernails were the color of sweet lavender for a few seconds. I remember Loki's eternally black fingernails and sighed. I wondered how far I'd go before mine turned a color. The mark of a true sorcerer.

      “What are you doing?!” He whispered heatedly and my legs wobbled before I hushed him.

      “If they find out what I did, they’ll blame you for not watching me,” I warned and he fumed up. “So  _calm_   _down_.”

      “I’ve been around many  _brats_  in my day but you really break the tie for first,” he leaned over as I coughed up some residue in the sink. “Did you poison yourself?”

      “No,” I spat, smacking my hands along the edges of the sink. “It didn’t work. None of them…I thought I’d feel… _something_.” I cursed under my breath and he ran a hand over his face, near exasperated. I gulped greedily at the running water and vomited some before drinking more. “I’m… _fine_.”

      “You’re causing me to debate that, princess.”

      “Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion,  _guard_.” I looked up at him, gripping the sink hard when anger filled my veins before I spun, noticing his gasp.  _“Did I?”_

      “Which one of those ingredients turned your eyes black?” He blinked a few times and I jolted backwards, pressing a hand over my eyes to control myself.

      “I… Nothing. It’s nothing,” I swallowed, let out a breath, and blinked my eyes once. Twice. “Better?”

      “Yes.” Alistair narrowed his gaze on me.

      “What next? Are you going to tell me to  _get it together_ , pretend I’m  _fine_?” I put my arms out and dropped them.

      “Why offer such terrible advice to a mentally ill woman who doesn’t need it?” Alistair caught me staring at him in awe, brow knitting together before I had to shake my head to force my gaze away. “But, you better get your damn thrills out soon before it gets you killed. You eat any more of these and I will inform someone, to hell with whatever punishment I receive.”

      “What...What did you need again? I’m  _working_ ,” I gestured to the bottles and clumsily set a bunch away. I’d be lucky if I didn’t throw up again.

      “They told me you were done after this and your lady-in-waiting asked to see you.” Alistair managed to resume his stoic expression and I smiled sweetly, our little moment was over.

      “Finally know what you’re getting yourself into?”

      “I had an idea beforehand, princess.” He watched me down some more water and shake my head. I’d figure something else out since this little stunt didn’t work.

      “Coming?” I breezed past him and wiped my mouth on my hand before tugging my healer robes off to show the grey dress underneath. I carried them under one arm as I left the room to greet Moira waiting for me just outside.

      “Haven’t seen you in a while.” She grinned at me with ease and my lips quirked up.

      “Yeah…” I trailed off, unable to give an explanation.

      “I have incense that I wanted you to burn in your room. It’ll help cleanse the space.” She took my hand, feeling of simple affections, and pulled me along with Alistair following us. I glanced back at him and our eyes locked briefly. I hadn’t touched him yet but I did wonder.

      “You don’t have to do that,” I chuckled.

      “I want to,” she corrected me before I opened my doors for her. Alistair stood in the doorway and remained silent behind me. I dropped my robes across a table and turned to see Moira setting up some incense in a little ornate mount. “It will bring you better health and good luck.”

      “You’re sweet,” I watched Naaki sweep her body across Moira’s legs before trailing over to paw at Alistair’s knee. He peered down at her but didn’t react and she lost interest.

      “Your house keep pets, Alistair?”

      “Six cats,” he replied gruffly, “more dogs than I can count.”

      “Sounds wonderful,” I picked up Naaki and set her on her tall cat tree. “That incense smells amazing, Moira.”

      “Amber. I knew you’d like it.” She grinned, waving her hand to get smoke to travel. “Is it just me or are there more plants along your room than usual?”

      “Security measure.” I explained and she turned to me.

      “How so?”

      “I manipulate them with magic to coil along the room,” I waved my hand, fingers splaying out. A plant near the door crawled along the wall, flowers bloomed from the vines before it stopped. The effect was almost ornate as they’d shifted up along the wall and decorated the area around the left doorway. “You get the idea.”

      “Not a bad plan,” Moira handled me a bundle of incense. “Take this and burn them whenever. I just wanted to see you for awhile before I met up with Faleen.” She smiled at me again, touching my shoulder and I smiled in return.

      “Thank you, Moira. Tell Faleen I said hello.”

      “Anytime, my friend,” she nodded and turned to pass Alistair on her way out. I watched her disappear and caught my guard’s eyes for a moment before he spoke.

      “Will you be taking anymore guests today, princess?” His dark gaze bore into mine.

      “No,” I breathed, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I think I’ll turn in early tonight.”

      “No dinner?”

      “Already ate,” I smirked tiredly at him. “Remember?” I wondered if he would go running to Odin to report what I did. But, he hadn’t yet.

      “Right,” Alistair touched the door handle. “As you wish,  _princess_.” He shut the doors and I locked them after, shifting to sit on my bed. I tried not to whine as I stared down at my wrists, so littered in scars. My fingers flexed briefly before I sighed outward.

      “Nothing’s working.”

** ** **

      “I’m going for a horse ride,” I decided after lying in bed for three hours early one morning.

      “You’re not going to run, are you?” Alistair trailed after me through the palace.

      “Not today, no.” I started to smile until it dropped when Fandral’s sweet face came into view. “Fandral…hi.” I nodded to Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif behind him.

      “We’re taking off training today to go to a pub,” he began, “would you like to come?”

      “I…” I surveyed the group briefly. “I’m afraid not. I have a prior engagement. Next time?”

      “You’ve stated that at least four times,” Sif pointed out when I rounded them.

      “Come spend some time with your friends, we can invite your ladies-in-waiting and make a thing of it,” Volstagg added but I shook my head.

      “I can’t…not now,” I declined.

      “Will you show up for dinner today then?” Fandral tried. Hogun was silent as usual but to be honest, I’ve never even heard him as quiet as he had been. I realized quickly that he had no way of getting to Vanaheim now with the bifrost broken to see his family. Faleen was trapped here as well as many others who held ties there.

      “I don’t think so, but I’ll be there for the next banquet for my…engagement.” I tried to swallow the word back down.

      “So…you and Thor. Right.” Fandral cleared his throat and the others shifted. “You both are a thing.”

      “We’re a lot of things.” I replied quietly.

      “You know, there’s a rumor going around that…” Fandral shook his head.

      “I know.” I clasped my hand. “We’re just helping each other right now.”

      “What if this goes too far?” Sif piped up. I couldn’t read her face.

      “We’re handling it.” I countered vaguely.

      “You know you can come to us when you’re ready… Don’t coop yourself up here.” Fandral stepped toward me and I shuffled backwards.

      “Yes…I will. Take care.” None of them looked at my face for an extended period of time. Fandral tried. He really did. “Alistair, we’re going.” Dazed, I turned on my heel and paced off with my humble guard in tow. I went to the stables and mounted a small horse with Alistair taking one to follow alongside me. Trotting across the grass, I stared ahead and daydreamed of a time when Loki and I went horseback riding along the grounds. We joked about how I would marry Thor one day to make my parents happy.

       _“Be good, darling. Don’t make things difficult.”_  Mother would say.  _“Always be good. Pretend it doesn’t bother you…”_

      “Hey,” a voice broke through my haze. “Come back. Come here.” I blinked and realized Alistair was waving his broad hand just in front of my face, leaning in from his horse.

      “ _Hm_?” I shook away my thoughts, straining to do so before staring at his eyes.

      “You’ve been planted there for two minutes,” he tilted his head.

      “ _Oh_.” I sighed fondly. Blank. “Have you ever been married?”

      “No, princess.” He paused, voice smooth and even. “Are we going? Your horse will grow restless.” I shifted my hand over the black mane of the animal I was on.

      “Good. They never have to pretend things don’t bother them,” I spoke, idly making my horse begin to trot again. Alistair didn’t reply.

      Picking up the pace, I road across the grounds without being bothered before deciding to cross the bifrost. Stopping a ways back when I saw Heimdall looking out over the broken end of the bridge, I dismounted and took the reins. Alistair followed and I looked at him for a moment.

      “I’m going to speak with the gatekeeper,” I handed him the reins when he reached for them.

      “Very well.” He held both of our horses’ reins in one hand, the air around us was peaceful.

      “I’m not going to jump if you were wondering,” I quirked up my brow at him and turned to watch Heimdall’s back before closing the distance. I remembered the battle and the chaos; it was all gone. Loki was gone. I was here.  _Somewhere_.

      “Thought you would come sooner.” Heimdall didn’t turn and I paused behind him, Alistair remained with the horses far behind me.

      “So did I.” I paused. “You know why I’m here.”  

      “You ask what the royals already have. Many times. I cannot see him any longer.” Heimdall turned his face toward mine, the sword for the Observatory was in his grasp. “Won’t you look?”

      “Yes…” I swallowed and slowly turned my head peer over the broken edge of the bridge. My heart rate shot up and I gasped at the starry abyss ahead before I stepped backwards, pressing my hand to my stomach. I remembered the endless void of the wormhole and the way Loki disappeared into it like he was slipping into a warm bath.

      “Princess?” Alistair called but I set my hand up.

      “I’m well.” I called in return and looked back at Heimdall.

      “Did it hurt him?”

      “Not physically, no.” He confessed and I nodded, forcing myself to step closer.

      “You’ve kept a lot of my secrets,” I started carefully. “Why?”

      “Your secrets are your own,” he replied, golden eyes alight. “So as long as you do not prove to be a danger to Asgard.” I was almost certain Heimdall couldn’t see Loki’s secret room. Almost.

      “Sometimes I still feel like there are traces of Loki’s magic around Asgard…” I remained calm.

      “I am afraid that is normal.” Heimdall replied in his usual reverberating tone. “Allow yourself to mourn.”

      “I…I am,” I nodded.

      “The realms are growing restless around us,” Heimdall looked out. “But, there is also beauty. Would you like to see?”

      “When did you know I regained my sight?” I inquired softly.

      “It didn’t take long. You get this spaced out look in your eyes when you touch others and something almost appears to swirl about you.” Heimdall smirked and I followed suit.

      “Why haven’t you told anyone?”

      “Like I stated, your secrets are your own to bear,” Heimdall paused. “They do not have to be.” I didn’t ask him to elaborate, instead lifting my hand slightly.

      “May I?” I waited for him to reach out, closing the separation between us before our hands touched. I shuddered and it felt like I was soaring suddenly. In another motion, I lifted my opposite hand and settled it on his neck, just under his helmet. Our connection strengthened and I saw more beyond the stress of being the gatekeeper. “I can see it…” Breathless, my eyes searched. Heimdall was ancient.

      I could see the golden branches of Yggdrasil connecting the realms together.

      Bright elves frolicking through flower fields in Alfheim.

      Snow falling with unending peace on Jotunheim.

      Princess Sigyn laughing a beautiful sound around her court ladies in Vanaheim.

      Soul swirling about the waters of Niflheim.

      I could see Midgard. Tall cities. Young mortals. A school of special students who harbor powers. Wind caressing grass. Pulled elsewhere when power surged through the air. I’d lost sight of Heimdall completely when I felt my mind being tugged underground toward a lab, mortals busying about. A cosmic cube of immense power called to me before I was disconnected.

      “ _Stop_!” I gasped quietly, pulling away and Heimdall steadied me. “Sorry,” I breathed heavily for a moment. “I haven’t done that in…a while… I saw so much. How can you stand it?”

      “It is my purpose.” Heimdall blinked at me and I allowed my hand to slip down to touch the top of the sword handle in his other hand. I left it there for a reason.

      “What was that? Did you see it?”

      “Our answer to repairing the bifrost,” Heimdall paused. “The King and Queen are aware.”

      “Is it what I think it is?” I pressed my other hand to my abdomen when something shuddered within me and calmed myself down. That glowing beacon grabbed me and I almost thought it wouldn't let go. I wish I knew why.

      “Yes.”

      “How do we get it?” I whispered. “After all these years.”

      “We’ve no way now. Asgard is too vulnerable. It was the Queen’s understanding that we wait. It will call to us when ready.”

      “By Valhalla, the world is proving much larger than us…” I looked out at the sky, painted in constellations and felt a sensation seeping from the sword. It was the key to the bifrost and held importance to Heimdall. What I felt was a haze but there was something there, sparking against my fingertips.

      “You’ve no idea,” Heimdall chuckled and I pulled away nice and easy.

      Using my power was when I felt the most, despite none of it truly belonging to me.

       _Must investigate further._

“I’ll get there,” I smiled fully, scars tugging. “I’m sure of it.”

      “Be wary of where it takes you.”

      “Thank you for your time, Heimdall.” I turned to go. “I’ll leave you to it.”

      “Take care of yourself,” Heimdall stated my name quietly and I nodded, waving a simple goodbye.

      “I’m going back to my room,” I mounted my horse and we rode off in silence. “Wait…” I stopped after passing the training grounds, so full of warriors. Across the way on an emptier part was Thor, training alone with Mjolnir. Rain was falling lightly while it grew colder and I spoke, pulling my cloak closer to my body. “It won’t bode well if I do not visit my sweet fiancé.” My usual monotone drawled out before I trotted across the grass with my silent guard. “Thor.”

      “Afternoon,” he swept some rain and sweat from his brow then wiped his hands on a rag before grasping my hips to help me down from my horse like a gentleman. He drew the rag across his bare chest and I saw a few men and women stop their training to watch him, intent. Yes, that was the usual reaction. “Alistair.”

      “Prince Thor.” My guard stayed on his horse and bowed his head. I was lucky that the warriors ignored me today, despite stopping to look at Thor and I speak out of earshot.

      “I… Oh, I was wondering if you were going to meet the Warriors Three and Sif for drinks later. I’m surprised you’re still here.” I smiled with ease at him as he pulled on a loose tunic. Mjolnir was in his grasp and I eyed the weapon carefully.

      “Yes, I was just leaving. You?”

      “Not today. Another time, I’m sure.”

      “ _Right_ ,” Thor offered, smoothing his other hand over his weapon idly.

      “Thought it might also look better if I approached you publically.” I added softly and he nodded. “They looking?”

      “Oh, yes, they find us very interesting.” Thor lifted his gaze briefly and I inched forward so I could get on my toes and kiss his cheek. In the same motion, I laid my hands upon Mjolnir and seized up when I focused hard.

       _Fit companion._  I heard Odin’s voice. _As a weapon in battle or a tool to build._

_If he be worthy…_

      I could feel the rush and heat of battle. The weapons clashing. The rousing cries. The blood splattering as skin broke and bones cracked. The way the world moved around the hammer. The way the hammer always moved around Thor. I pulled my hands back and realized Thor was telling me a story so I mustered up a chuckle and nodded.

      “Interesting.” I had no idea what he said.

      “They haven’t asked about us yet, but I’m certain they will again soon.”

      “Who?” I came back to myself fully and Thor laughed.

      “The advisers.”

      “Oh, yes, forgive me.” I pressed my lips together. “I’ve had a lot on my mind as of late.”

      “I imagine so.” Thor fixed my cloak. “The air is getting colder, get warm inside.”

      “I will…” I stepped backwards and grasped my horse’s reins. “I’ll see you later. Send the others my love.”

      “Of course,” Thor bid me farewell and I walked off with my horse, not getting back on him. Smoothing my hand over the animal's neck, I gave him a pat and leaned my head there as I paced along.  _Loki was right. He was so right about what he wrote…_

      Loki was a raging bastard and twice as brilliant.

** ** **

      The banquet came faster that I thought it would. Moira and Elise dressed me up in a red gown with a laced bodice and sleeves that covered my scars well. The skirt was large and all tight frills, almost resembling a skirt made of roses. My curly hair was partly pulled back, but most of it was loose around my face, jewel feather clips holding pieces in place. Asgard needed to go in a different direction. Thor and I were pivotal pieces in that, whether we liked it or not.

      I walked in as I did  _so long ago_  and locked hands with Thor. He felt nervous somehow underneath all his poise. Dressed in his fine ceremonial armor, Thor smiled at me as we danced for a full room of people whispering lies about us. How Thor took me forcibly because he was secretly madly in love with me. How I bewitched him with a spell after Loki’s death.

      “You’re shaking.” Thor observed silently as I spun out and back into him slowly. Rounding each other, we locked together once more and I wished I had gloves.

      “Tell me what to do.” I breathed and we drew closer. “Tell me how I can help you. You’re trapped.”

      “ _Shhh_ ,” Thor hushed me, bright eyes blinking quickly. “You and I…we chose this. Together. We shall fix it. All of it.”

      “Yes.” I sniffled hard. I was pulling so far away from my friends. I knew Thor felt it. “I won’t let you go through this alone.” Thor picked up on what I meant.

      “That is a gift no one else in this room can give me.”

      “Can you still feel traces of Loki in this realm?” My voice was hushed as we turned around and music swirled around us.

      “Every day.”

      “Give me a task to do.” I pleaded in a tiny whisper. We had to be convincing.

      “Are you fond of fairy tales?” Thor and I parted to round each other in sync.

      “Stories of a prince,” my expression grew wistful.

      “And a faraway princess,” he mused when we came together again, fingers lacing.

      “She wonders,” I tilted my head back when my dress swept out, “am I fonder of marching through battle or trailing my fingertips over the spines of books in a darkening library or even dancing with princes and princesses at grand banquets?”

      “The simple, astounding life of mortals or the grand, monotonous life of Asgardians.” Thor went on, picking me up by the waist to spin me.

      “She wonders,” I exhaled, dropping my head to Thor’s chest briefly. “She really wonders.”

      “The possibility of what could be,” Thor paused. “What  _should_  be.”

      “She wonders, as the prince dips her,” I stood straighter before Thor dipped me low with perfect grace, “simply because she knows that she deserves a happy ending. We all do.”

      “A thing that can take a lifetime to master.” Thor held up our laced fingers so I could spin slowly under his hand as the music consumed us both. “She wonders as she looks at the prince thinking the same thing.”

      “ _Why not both…?_ ” Our voices coiled together in the air and Thor abruptly pulled me close before my back arched, upper body sweeping before I came up to meet his gaze.

      “Why can’t we have it all?” I smiled, somber and Thor’s lips upturned.

      “Look around you,” his blue eyes stared through me. “We already do.”

      “Right,” I bowed to him and applause sounded before he gently pulled me up. “I keep forgetting.”

      “As do I.” Thor and I stared at each other, the clapping went on before I grinned and spoke through my teeth.

      “Kiss…my…cheek,” I instructed and he found himself before doing so.

      Our moment ended before I smiled and danced the rest of the night away. I remembered, with great fondness, my dance with Rolff and how I knew I’d destroy him last time I was here. This time, the banquet proved…uneventful. My ever so faithful guard remained alone near an archway that led outside. I ate nothing and drank everything offered to me.

      Thor presented me with a ring in front of the royal table. Gold band. Sparkling diamonds. Stunning. I kissed his cheek sweetly. A promise of sorts. Loki’s ring dulled around my neck before the eyes of everyone.

      I walked through a crowd and felt two people forceful bump into me. The man and woman sent me a dirty look before laughing together and going elsewhere.

      “Palace slut…” Someone else whispered.

      “I bet she’s barren,” another muttered. “Useless.”

      I had to ignore it all. For now.

      “Sif,” I let out a breath of relief.

      “Good evening.” She held two mugs in her hand and gave me one. “You look like you need it.”

      “You’re amazing,” I took a sip of hot cider.

      “I know,” she grinned broadly and I stood next to her to survey the party in front of us. “How are you holding up?”

      “I’m…around. Truthfully, I’ve been in my head this whole time.”

      “Don’t wander too far,” Sif replied. “Might have some trouble getting back.”

      "Yes, you’re very right.” I smoothed my hands over the cup, warmth radiated against my skin. “Where are Hogun and Volstagg?”

      “Volstagg had a prior engagement with the wife and children. Hogun just wasn’t up to a celebration right now.” She looked over at me briefly.

      “Understandably so.” I nodded. “Fandral looks rather handsome tonight.” I pointed to him across the way.

      “So he thinks,” her words caused me to laugh.

      “And you…how are you, Sif?” I looked over at her for a moment.

      “As well as one can be,” she paused. “On guard. Asgard is growing  _anxious_.”

      “So I’ve heard. I miss the big warrior meetings Odin held to update us on Asgard… I do hope those are well.” Instantly, I changed the subject. “Looks like it might snow soon.”

      “Just what we need right now,” she chuckled dryly. “Another reminder.”

      “I thought so too.”

      “Did you hear the news about our friend, Herlof?” She asked suddenly.

      “Hm?” I sipped the warm liquid in my cup.

      “He got married.” Sif paused. “His families discovered that he got a woman pregnant. A sweet one. They forced them to wed.”

      “I see.” I tried to pretend I wasn’t worried.

      “I think the gold they gave him helped too, but supposedly the baby is due soon.”

      “I’ll…” I smirked lightly. “I’ll keep that in mind. My thoughts are with his bride.” I looked ahead and straightened up. “Thanks for the drink, Sif.”

      “Come out with us eventually.” She spoke and I pressed my lips together.

      “Eventually.”

** ** **

      Eventually turned into much longer as another three weeks passed by. I still drank and worked. Alistair still followed me everywhere. Thor still visited frequently but I could tell that my pulling further away was beginning to bother him. My daydreaming had gotten to the point where Alistair had to climb the steps of the library to see if I was still there. I think I’d finally gotten under Thor’s skin because he stalked into the healing room with a look of terror on his face one evening.

      “Thor…?” I’d just taken off my healer robes to put a draped cloak over my body, clasping it tightly over my left shoulder.

      “Moira, could you take her things back to her chambers for me?” Thor was stepping toward me with Mjolnir in his grasp and I stared blankly at him.

      “Certainly.” She eyed us, apprehensive.

      “Alistair, can I borrow my  _fiancé_  for a moment?”

      “Yes, your highness, but I’m afraid that it’s my duty to stay by her-”

      “Right. Come here,  _honeypie!”_ Thor swept forward and I couldn’t react when he picked me up. Workers in the healing room looked stunned as he flew forward, the windows opening before he surged into the air with me in his arms. Snow had fallen and the cold air smacked against me before I let out a high pitched cry when we soared through the sky, high above the back area of the palace. Below, I saw Alistair on the balcony whisper a curse against the air as we drew farther away.

      _“Ah!”_ I screamed, holding to Thor’s shoulders. “What are you doing?!” It was probably the most emotion I’d allowed out in weeks. “Thor! Let me down!”

      “Very well.”

      Thor dropped me.

      Screaming, I spun downward, hands flying out as I kicked my legs.  _Thankfully_ , I didn’t wear a dress today. The snowy ground drew closer. Thor caught me roughly and we flew back up, over the water. I was twisting around like a frantic cat.

      “You’re  _dead_  after this,” I raged.

      “So you are in there still,” Thor chuckled.

      “Take me back!”

      “Let  _go_ then,” Thor raised an eyebrow. “Let me help.”

      “Wait- _Ah_!” I was dropped again, falling through the air harshly and with no grace. I got dangerously close to the water before he caught me again and we repeated the action. Soaring far into the sky.

      “Better?” Thor went on and he had to drop me a third time before I caved. “Come get drinks with the warriors tomorrow,  _my love_.”

      “Alright! Fine!” I latched myself to him as wind whipped past us. “You’re such an ass!” I smacked his shoulder and wavered so I had to put my arms around his neck.

      “You might want to let me hold onto you,” he chuckled and finally I did as well. We flew lower and the water sparkled under me, I couldn’t help reaching out to touch the cold river. Water flew out around my fingertips and I laughed genuinely before looking up at him.

      “Tomorrow, after I run my errands around dinnertime.”

      “We’ll meet at the pub. The large one next to the old seamstress’s shop on the corner.” Thor smiled at me with all the charm and innocence he could. I huffed and rolled my eyes at him.

      “Very well.” We flew down and the fresh snow crunched under my feet. “And I thought I was making Alistair’s job difficult.”

      “Tomorrow, don’t forget,” Thor turned, nodding triumphantly and I grinned.

      “Oh…Thor?” I mustered up an innocent tone. “I have something for you.”

      “Yes?” Thor was turning his head so I summoned all the magic I could, sweeping my arms out to toss a massive amount of snow at him until I could see the grass around my feet. Thor flew back as he was completely covered and I let up, laughing when all I saw were his legs sticking up out of the pile. I paced closer and his hand shot out of the mound when I bent over.

      “What have we learned?” I could hear him laughing when he distractedly unburied himself.

      “All right, Loki, you proved your point-” Thor’s amusement ceased as he realized his mistake and I grew quiet. “Forgive me…I-”

      “No…I…” I shook my head and felt myself retreat but he shot up and grasped my wrist.

      “I am sorry.”

      “Don’t apologize.” I stared up at him, confused and he released me. “Hey, Thor…why are you putting so much effort into helping me? I just mean that…well, lately, I don’t feel like I’ve even been a good friend-”

      “You are my friend. We are in this together. You and I...” Thor offered instantly, sobering up, “...and you are all that I have left of his heart. I know that it's not fair to put on you. But, it is how I feel some days.”

      “ _Me_?” I practically spat out the word, eyes narrowing. “Have you tried looking in a mirror? He loved you on a level that I could never hope to reach…and I’ve always known that. That is how it always has been and will be. It’s all right…” Thor raised his eyes to meet mine and I noticed people far behind us had stopped to watch us. “I have to go.” While I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek, I gave his hand a squeeze and tried to offer comfort when I felt his melancholy before leaving him there in the snow. Rushing inside the palace through a back archway, I was knocked to the floor by a body about to run out in armor. “ _Oof.._. _ow…_ ”

      “Forgive me, princess, I didn’t see you,” Alistair took my arms and pulled me up in one swift motion, causing me to stumble into his body.

      “You know you don’t have to call me princess,  _guard_.” I tilted my head when his hands left my arms.

      “Would you prefer  _brat_?” For the first time, it sounded like he was teasing in his usual dry voice. Something genuine and light touched my expression. It radiated through my cheeks and caused my eyes to flicker aside. But, briefly.

      “I’m debating it.” I looked around and rubbed my lower back as I trailed off with him at my side. “ _Gods_ , we bumped into each other hard.”

      “It would not look good if I lost the one woman I was meant to protect,” he replied.

      “No, I imagine not. Thor felt like making a statement.” We walked in silence until I got to my room and opened the door. “Can I, uh, ask you a question?” Exhaling, I wiped the melted snow from my jaw and found his gaze. There was a moment of quiet staring before he replied, leaning down toward me slightly.

      “Yes.”

      “I…” My eyes slid behind him just as two attendants and a guard passed by us. Alistair noticed as well, lowering his gaze to eye them as they went before looking back at me with half hooded, dark eyes. “Never mind.”

      “I shall take my post for the evening.”

      “Of course,” I clasped my hands at the same time he did before he bowed to me. Without any more words, I opened my door and locked it behind me.

** ** **   

      “I’ll end up being early at this rate, no surprise there,” I muttered, looking over a shelf of journals. “I need something nice to take notes in.” Alistair was watching the shop around me carefully, always on his guard. “You know it’s about our two month anniversary of being chained together?”

      “Wasn’t counting, princess,” he tilted his head at me.

      “Pick out a journal for me to buy,” I leaned my elbow on the bookcase and he raised an eyebrow. “I want to see if you’ve gotten to know me in our time together.” Alistair’s lip barely twitched up before he turned toward the many journals. “Go on.”

      “Flowers for the princess,” he picked one up with a floral design on it. “No, that would be too easy.” I watched his fingertips skim over the spines of books before he plucked one up and offered it to me. “Red,” he explained, “for the red of your hair.” I traced the smoky design of a swan burnt into the red leather journal and sucked my cheeks in a bit. I loathed him.

      “Well, it’s not a terrible choice,” my lips upturned without force and I fingered the leather cord wrapped around the journal. “I’ll take it.” After setting a few gold pieces on the counter, the woman behind it smiled and handed me the journal back.

      “Come again anytime, my lady.”

      “Yes, thank you,” I stashed it away in my bag and adjusted the strap across my chest before leaving the shop with Alistair behind me. “Do you enjoy sweets, Alistair?”

      “I don’t often indulge in such things.” He locked his hands together as I stopped in front of a bakery I enjoyed, looking in at the window of treats on display. People busied about and luckily, paid us no mind so I pulled my cloak closer. Most of the snow had been shoveled to the side but it was lightly falling around us again.

      “Not even a little?” I looked up from some blueberry pastries to raise my eyebrow at him. “They can be quite enjoyable once in a while. Sometimes I need to be in the mood to partake but if I find one I really enjoy… I’m sure I’d have no problem indulging whenever. Perhaps, they can make you feel better when you feel terrible, though I know I shouldn't stuff myself with them. But, what's anything matter anymore? Right...”

      “Once every so often then,” he replied.

      “If I guess your favorite, you have to allow me to buy it for you.” I offered then.

      “It is unusual for a future princess to spend her gold on a guard,” he countered and I rolled my eyes. Most of the money given to me was tossed in a trunk in my chambers, only to be taken from when needed. I wondered why they gave me the amount they did, it felt like a bribe.

      “Come now,” I pulled my journal from my bag and opened it to the first page, “it’ll give me my first note as well.” Alistair tried not to look amused as I wrote along the first page in curvy letters. “Alistair’s favorite sweet is…blank.” I drew a line and handed him the journal. “Now fill it in and don’t allow me to see it.”

      “Was that an order, princess?”

      “Merely a suggestion, I don’t control you, guard.” My head tipped to the side as he watched me and shook his head before writing something. “There we are.”

      “Go on,” he licked his lips and glanced up at me.

      “You don’t come off at someone who actively goes for pastries that are too sweet…so I’ll rule out most of the baked good with berries and what not. No tarts…” I eyed the display through the glass and tapped my finger and my lips, thinking. “Those hot pastries with the sugar could be it…but perhaps it isn’t a soft, cake like sweet at all. Ah…those,” my fingernail clicked against the glass. “The shortbread cookies.” Alistair’s face gave nothing away before he pursed his lips and shook his head, handing me the book. “Was I right?”

      “Look.” He tilted his chin out and I opened the cover to see his neat writing.

      “I was right!” I put my fingers to my lips to catch my chuckle. “Hope you’re hungry.”

      “Lucky guess.” His eyes met mine whil I put my book away and crossed my arms.

      “I’m a…baked cinnamon apple sort of woman, if you were wondering,” I flitted past him. “Come on, we’ve plenty of time.” The inside smelled divine as I ordered the two sweets and handed him his. “You have to enjoy yours with me,” I shifted backwards toward a bar table by the window and stood. Alistair stared at me like he couldn’t believe I was asking him to enjoy a dessert treat with me. “Don’t give me that look. We're trapped together, but you're not a mute statue so treating you like one won't be good for either of us." I bit into my sweet and savored the taste, humming happily as I licked sugar from my lips. “I missed these.”

      “ _Brat_.” He mused and I grinned sweetly when he took a bite of his shortbread.

      “I’m  _touched_  you think so.” I finished up my treat, watching him chew his.

      “You’re not going to run off once we leave here, yeah?”

      “No, I’m rather committed to my plans, I don’t want Thor tossing me around again,” I shrugged, watching a large group of children look in at the treat displays along the windows. My lips upturned at the sight. A few gathered around another window to watch the bakers craft with dough on the other side. “Hold on a moment.” I pulled a bag of coins from my bag and beckoned for a baker to come over. Alistair watched me whisper in her ear before sliding the bag over; she smiled and nodded quickly at me, giving my arm a squeeze before she turned to give her workers a few orders.

      “What was that?” Alistair questioned while I nodded for us to leave.

      “Nothing,” I shrugged as the woman got help to carry out a massive tray of treats and hand them to the children outside. “Okay, maybe I did a _little_  something.”

      “Do you like children, princess?” He inquired, opening the door for me.

      “You could say that,” I smiled slightly at the excited group, crowding around the bakers.

      “Be sure to thank the lady for these sweets, children!” A man beckoned and many bowed to me.

      “Thank you, my lady!” A few called and I beamed, waving when more piped up.

      “Thank you!”

      “You’re very welcome,” I offered, nodding bashfully before I left them to enjoy their desserts. They all looked at my face and smiled like I was the brightest moon without issue. I turned my gaze down to the snow when my insides warmed just a bit.

      “That will look good for the royals,” Alistair paused and we didn’t look at each other. “But, that was not why you did it.”

      “No,” I replied, changing the subject after another beat. “I might head toward the pub early. Hey, I so wanted to know if-?”

      “Turn that corner,” Alistair offered suddenly, body stiffening up and I furrowed my brow, stopping as we kept our voices hushed. “Don’t look back, just do it.”

      “What’s happening?” I muttered while we turned and he set his hand on my back to pick up the pace.

      “We’re being followed. Four people…at least. They were watching us closely when we left the bakery. Turn here, princess.” Alistair ushered me forward, head tilting to look back briefly.

      “Are they still there?” I murmured, trying not to glance behind us.

      “Yes, there are more of them. Six or seven… They’re following slowly. Trying to isolate us somewhere and block our paths out. Follow the cobblestone into this residential area. I’m giving them a chance to back off. If I tell you to run, you run.” We stopped suddenly when two men stood in our way. A mere group of drunken thugs. I turned and more gathered behind us.

      “You miscounted, there are nine and I don’t think they’re backing off, Alistair.” I pressed closer to him.

      “Stand down,” Alistair warned, arm winding around me protectively. I could have taken them. I could have killed them. Which is why I knew I couldn’t fight. Or shouldn't. The way they looked at me. They  _hated_  me. Without even knowing me. It made me feel small.  _Insignificant_.

      “Tell us, girl, how do you hang off the arm of a prince for years and not know he’s a traitor?” One pale man started.

      “Perhaps, she is a traitor as well,” a woman added, rousing unpleasant chuckles.

      “You know what we do to traitors of our great land?” Another pasty thug piped up.

      “You’ll find out if you come closer,” Alistair sounded almost frightening, shifting his shield from his back. I don’t know what prompted me, inopportune curiosity perhaps but I slipped my hand into his. He squeezed my hand back after a moment and I felt…security. Loyalty. Alistair was charged up despite being calm on the outside. Focused on his mission which was to protect me by any means. Our spark broke when I slipped away, not wanting to spoil anything else. Not yet.

      “Look at those features. Pretty, yes, for a dark featured girl I suppose. She doesn’t even look like an pure blooded Asgardian.” Came another comment. “Loki likely thought you an  _exotic_  toy. Thor probably tossed him off the bifrost just to taste you.”

      “Exotic. I really hate that word,” I droned on. "You want to bring up my race again, pig? See what happens. Thor is more man than you'll ever be." 

      “Bashing that pretty face in would send a good message.” They continued instead.

      “Back off, I said!” Alistair brought his leg up and sent one drunk crashing away before they all charged. I drove my hand up into the nose of another who went for Alistair’s back as he slammed his shield into the woman who dove for me. “Run!” He ordered and I didn’t move. “Go, I said! I’ll come find you!” The fight continued and, for once, I robotically did as I was told. Four pursued me as I raced through streets, zipping passed people who seemed too confused to help. One slipped on ice when I used magic, my hand jerking out. Realizing where I was, I felt my face heat as I ran toward a large house and knocked frantically. The men closed in and I held myself before the door jerked open and Volstagg looked down at me.

      I couldn’t bear to look up at him.

      “What’s going on…?” He peered behind me and hardened. “What is this?” The drunks had stopped and I glanced back to see them reluctantly backing up, trying to laugh it off.

      “Just teasing,” one called and I wanted to cry as Volstagg ushered me in his house.

      “Come in, dear, let me handle this.” Volstagg puffed out his chest and marched outside. A fight sounded.

      “What’s happening, sweetie?” I looked up at the lovely face of Volstagg’s wife, Gudrun. She was dark skinned, large, and beautiful; with a frightening temper that matched Volstagg’s own when he grew upset. They were the happiest couple in all of Asgard. “Sit down.” I watched her pick up a club after making me sit on the couch and go outside. “Step aside, Volstagg…” Her tone went distant.

      “Darling, no!” His voice sounded before a crash was heard.

      “Run away! Cowards!” Gudrun called before both came inside and smiled at me like parents who had just got caught cursing in front of their young. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, they’re long gone.” She flocked to me and checked me over.

      “They didn’t do anything,” I muttered, my hands grasping my knees.

      “Where’s your guard?” Volstagg reached my side.

      “Still out there fighting the rest,” I was shaking. “They hated me…”

      “Volstagg, get her some water,” Gudrun touched my face and the motherly affection caused my eyes to water.

      “I’m fine…” I sputtered. “It’s just that they  _hated_  me.”

      “Drink this, I’ll go check the children,” Volstagg rushed away and appeared back in record time. Gudrun was rubbing my arm in a soothing manner as I gulped down some cold ice water. “Let me go find your guard then tell the others that we won’t be making it to the pub.” He was off again in an instant and I tried to come back to myself. I just wanted to go somewhere else in my head.

      “Come, night is falling, you can rest here,” Gudrun was pulling my cloak off and I let her. “Did you eat?”

      “Yes, thank you… I’m fine.”

      “Great, I’ll fix you some dinner,” she smiled instead and moved toward the kitchen before I could stop her. In truth, I’d lost count of how many children they had. Volstagg had a knack for adopting them. Their house was large and filled to the brim with warmth. I closed my eyes and tried to go somewhere else but I was too worried about Alistair to focus.

      Why did I mindlessly run?

      I did I was told. For once.

      But also…I was frightened.

      They hated me to the core.

      They would have killed a person they did not even know out of that hatred.

      “Here, we’ve leftover dinner from today,” she put a large plate in from of me and my mouth watered. “I also have clothes, change and I can wash yours for tomorrow. You can sleep on our sofa, the children won’t bother you.”

      “Gudrun, I-”

      “Eat, sweetie, before it gets cold.”

      I wanted to let her mother me. I wanted to more than anything.

      “All right…”

** ** **

      “Where is she?” A voice called from the other room.

      “Let’s get you patched up first, friend,” Volstagg replied and I left the bathroom in the nightdress and socks Gudrun had given me. Alistair locked his eyes on me and crossed the room with newfound vigor, stopping directly in front of me and I expected him to take my arms and check me over like everyone else usually does. Instead, he clasped his hands and leaned in, voice dropping.

      “Are you well, princess?” His brow furrowed and I managed to nod, eyeing the cut on his lip. The knuckles on Alistair’s right hand were also bloodied but he looked fine despite that.

      “You’re hurt,” I whispered and we stared for another beat before I caught Volstagg shifting behind him.

      “Is it nothing,” Alistair mused. “It’s my duty to protect you.”

      “We’ve bandages,” Volstagg began.

      “Nonsense, I’m sure I can muster up some healing,” I pulled my gaze to look at Volstagg. “What happened to-?”

      “They’re taken care of. The others asked to see you but I assured them that Gudrun and I would take care of things here. Did she make you eat something?” Volstagg asked and I nodded.

      “Yes, I couldn’t eat another bite,” I tried to smile.

      “Wonderful, I’ll get you both something to nibble on,” he left before we could refuse.

      “All right then…” I sighed and nodded for Alistair to sit down with me following. I crossed my legs and leaned closer, reaching out. “May I heal your hand?”

      “If you wish,” Alistair hesitated but held out his wounded hand just as Gudrun came in, interrupting our moment before I could touch him.

      “Brought this for the blood,” she offered me a small bowl with a cold, damp rag and I thanked her. “You both will stay the night.”

      “Gudrun, I-”

      “Volstagg already sent word that you’re here and I imagine you cannot go anywhere without  _him_  so you both can stay. I don’t take no.” She crossed her arms and we all shifted when laughter sounded from the other room. “Bedtime, means lights out,” Gudrun spun on her heel and left us to tend to her children.

      “Never a dull moment here,” I stated fondly before reaching out for him. “Let me see…I imagine the others look far worse.”

      “ _Hm_ ,” he smirked lightly and set his hand in mine, sparking a connection. The tendrils of my mind slowly latched to his soul. My chest stirred with a new sensation. He was a guarded one. Focused with good, no great self-restraint. There was a reason why. Something broken inside him that only grew his empathy. Protective all this life. I had to go deeper. So I cleaned up his knuckles wordlessly and my hand glowed to heal the scrapes. Alistair watched my face the entire time before I lifted my hand and waited for him to nod. Gingerly, I cupped at jaw, fingers caressing the facial hair trimmed neatly around his face before I healed his bottom lip. So grounded… So healthy. So… _secure_. There was a illness him him that he nursed. Alistair was compassionate in a way that must have taken time to grow. Frightened only of failure and disappointment. Loss. His mind was a safe place. It hadn’t always been. One of the only few I’ve touched. There was peace in it somehow. It was suddenly perfectly clear. He would never lie to me, never harm me, and never be too busy to spend time with me. Alistair’s mouth parted with a breath when we locked gazes and I pulled away. Frigga or Odin put us together for a reason. Paths of healing. We could go different ways and be just fine. Perhaps.

      “Thank you,” I whispered, “for protecting me, I mean. I still don’t think I need it. But, since...since what happened. I am...more so destructive. In my head. Not fully conscious to the world. You're my eyes. So, thank you.”

      “The palace will do anything to keep you from reverting to your skills as a warrior. But, you are fully aware of how they feel about you.” 

      “You learn that from the interrogations I’m  _certain_  you’re given by the advisers about me?” I asked dryly, trying not to be heated about it.

      “I knew about you long before riding to the palace. Words travels quickly.” He countered. “Helped also to ask around so I knew what I was getting into.”

      “Why did Odin call you? Of all the people he could have picked?” I asked then. 

      “He considers me one of the best trackers in Asgard is why. I cannot refuse my King.”

      “So I’m a lost child now?”

      “No, but you’re quite the brat when it suits you.”

      “That what you tell the King and his advisers?” I seethed finally, trying to fully understand more than I could grasp.

      “I stopped telling them specifics about you after walking in on you in the healing room.” He replied sharply.

      “Well, I… _what_?” His words dawned on me and I blinked.

      “What good is it trying to protect someone who does not even trust you?” Alistair’s voice hushed again and I furrowed my brow.

      “You made a comment about my mental health then. A blunt one.” I breathed slower.

      “Did that hurt you?”

      “No,” I shook my head, our gazes stayed steady. “It made me feel acknowledged.” No one had ever said it before like that. Loki came close. Yet, he floated away. Too far away. Alistair stared at me with an expression I couldn’t read so on instinct, my hand lifted slightly as if to read him. Volstagg came in with two bowls of spiced peaches, causing us to pull apart and I dropped my hand before it came closer to him

      “Am I interrupting a conversation?” Volstagg asked, looking between us.

      “ _No_ ,” we both protested instantly.

      “Now, now,” Volstagg took a seat between us. “I know you’re both in a difficult situation but if you only found things in common…” I started snickering and Volstagg paused to look at me.

      “I’m sorry,” I giggled, covering my mouth. “You’re just…such a dad. It’s sweet.”

      “Hard thing to break,” Volstagg gave my shoulder a pat before standing. “I’m glad your spirits are lifting. I’ll get you both something warm. Eat those baked peaches while they’re hot. Gudrun and I are proud of this batch.”

      “Are they eating?” Gudrun came in and Alistair and I exchanged looks. “You need any clothing, honey?” She set her hands on her hips and Alistair shook his head.

      “No, ma’am,” he replied quietly.

      “Is he respecting you?” She turned her attention to me.

      “Yes, ma’am,” I swallowed a mouthful of peaches and my stomach warmed.

      “We can put him on that couch and you can sleep on this one.” Gudrun smiled as Volstagg kissed her cheek and paced into another room. “Do you feel safe sleeping with this man in the room? I can put you or him in another room.”

      “No…it’s fine.” I tried not to stammer at the unexpected but genuine question. Volstagg came back with some blankets and pillows, dropping them across from us. Alistair ate a few bites of his food to please them before the bowls were taken. Gudrun was telling me a story but, I was more distracted by her practically tucking me in. She kissed my head and I smiled wistfully before stiffening and turning around when Alistair caught me. “You’re too kind, Gudrun. Thank you.”

      “Get some rest, both of you,” Gudrun touched my hair and I closed my eyes, squeezing them for a moment before opening them after she was gone and the lights were out. I heard Alistair shifting behind me before he went still and a few minutes passed before I spoke.

      “Can I ask you a question?” For a moment, I’d thought he’d fallen asleep.

      “Yes, princess.” Came his quiet response, as I turned to stare at the ceiling in the dark.

      “Never mind,” I felt my lips upturn and closed my eyes. My head spun and in the moments of silence among the raging voices, I tried still to focus on my own.

       _I want to feel something bigger._

_Destruction wasn’t working. Not yet._

_Must investigate further._

** ** **

      At dawn, I awoke to a pile of children and an even larger pile of breakfast. I read some of the kids a story to distract them for Gudrun while she and Volstagg helped some get ready for the day. Alistair was quiet and always nearby. Volstagg offered to walk us back but I refused politely. I wanted to shut myself in my bedroom. I didn’t tell him that though. Or Thor when he immediately found me just as we entered the palace.

      “I’m fine,” I almost huffed. For a moment, I thought arms would materialize from the walls and push me to the floor. “Leave me be.” I tried not to plead, my voice hushing before I added. “My prince…” Thor blinked his bright eyes at me, contemplating before I made the choice for him and ushered by with Alistair behind.

      “Take what time you need,” Thor spoke after a moment and we didn’t look at each other. After leaving him, Elise was waiting inside my room when I came in and immediately picked up my cat.

      “Elise, how have you been?” I shifted to my desk, leaving the door open while Alistair stood there.

      “All right. I wanted to see you before I go meet Faleen. Was there anything you required?” She clasped her hands and approached. “Moira says hi.”

      “Tell them hello when you see them.” I managed to grin for her.

      “I heard about what happened. We all did. Are you all right…?”

      “Yes, I’ve my valiant guard,” I gestured with my free hand as Naaki shifted her upper body over my shoulder. “I’m afraid the event has…tired me. I think I’ll be in here for the remainder of the night.” I shifted to grab something from my bookcase.

      “How is that different from any other night?” Her words caught me and I sharply turned. “You can’t just rot in here.”

      “Elise, listen-”

      “No, you listen,” her tiny voice grew and I let Naaki down, “you can’t just trap yourself in here…away from the people who still care about you!”

      “Let’s just stop pretending I’ve been a good friend lately. Wise up and stay away from me. The others should do the same. Nothing but death has followed me since I moved into this damn palace.” I was surprised that Alistair was still in the doorway while Elise and I carried on.

      “I owe you a debt that I can never repay-”

      “You  _don’t_  owe me a damn thing, darling.” I cut her off gently and my lips upturned.

      “They all know that you’re pulling away on purpose.” Elise furrowed her brow. “You…You tried to kill yourself and now you’re acting like it never happened! I cleaned your blood off the floor!”

      “I...I can’t be with you all while I feel like this,” I tapped my knuckles on my desk, closing my eyes to shut the world out for a second before opening them.

      “Like what?” She tilted her head, drawing closer.

      “ _Nothing_.” I lowered my tone before glancing at Alistair. “Leave us.” Without hesitation, he turned to close the door and take his post. “I don’t…I don’t feel right on the inside. This place…it’s sucking me dry. I’m doing destructive things to get a thrill and it’s not enough. I don’t want to poison the people around me after everything.” Elise clasped her hands and swallowed, trying to understand. “Maybe I need to get out of the palace for a few days. But, I…I can’t breathe here and I don’t know how to…” I trailed off, leaning forward onto my desk.

      “You need more time to heal,” Elise offered. “It won’t ever happen overnight. I just want you to feel comfortable again or take steps in that direction.”

      “I’ll figure something out.” I replied, sighing.

      “If you want to go somewhere, I can watch Naaki for a few days,” she smiled and I did so in return, smoothing my hand over my cat’s back while she purred.

      “We’d both appreciated that.”

      “Are you and Thor really going to marry?”

      “I don’t think either of us are even sure… But, not if we can help it.” I paused. “Elise, I can’t promise you that I’ll be fine but if it helps, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. I just...I want to find my place in all of this.”

      “That’s a start.” She smoothed one hand over her dress.

      “Go, I don’t want you to be late to meet Faleen.” I smiled. “It’s okay. If anyone asks…I’m okay. I’ll just be gone a few days or so.”

      “Take care…all right?” Elise moved to go when I nodded. Staring down at my cat, I called out when she had gone.

      “Alistair, I need you for a moment.” Promptly, he entered and looked at me expectantly. “Shut the door and have a seat.” Alistair eyed me carefully but moved at the same time I did. Shifting behind my screen, I undressed to change into something slightly warmer.

      “What are you doing?” Alistair caused me to turn, the screen hiding my nudity from him.

      “Changing. You should do the same after this.” I paused. “Pack a bag as well.”

      “Where exactly are we going, princess?” His dark eyes trailed after me when I came out from behind the screen to approach him.

      “What is it guards do for fun?” I asked suddenly.

      “Come again?” His head cocked slightly to the side.

      “You have fun, don’t you?” I crossed my arms, flicking my wrist out to make a bag begin packing itself as I shifted through clothing.

      “Can’t say I’ve any ideas.” Alistair turned his head and my lips upturned slightly.

      “Come now. You must have some idea. Somewhere far off palace grounds where no one would really recognize or bother me.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

      “You think they shall actually allow me to take you that far?”

      “I can technically go where I please as long as I come back in one piece and as long as you are with me. Pick a place.” I nodded finally and Alistair contemplated it for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me, just take me there. Take me far away from here. I’d go by myself but, it seems we’re chained together.” I watched him stand, chin tilting up a little.

      “I know a town with much to do. Its nightlife is no place for royalty.” He began finally.

      “Sounds perfect.” I was smirking.

      “But, we’ll need money and does it look like I have-” I’d cut him off when I tossed a bag of coins at him from my pocket.

      “Money won’t be out issue. What more?”

      “We’ll need to borrow a vehicle,” Alistair tossed the gold back at me and I nodded. “That is all.”

      “Get us one to borrow downstairs after you pack. We’ll meet in twenty.”

      “You’re certain that this is what you want?” He asked softly and I stepped toward him.

      “Absolutely, I do.” I tried not to plead when my voice lowered to a whisper. “Take me away from here, Alistair.”

      “As you wish, princess.”

** ** **

      After saying bye to Naaki, I snuck out the back of the palace to avoid everyone before meeting my guard in a small barge he’d prepared. I’d left a vague note upstairs but not told anyone where I was going as not even I knew. In the snow, Alistair was preparing the vehicle when I tossed my bag in.

      “I’ll leave you to it then,” I got in and adjusted my cloak before shifting to sit against the side. Alistair sat at the back to handle the controls on either side on his body; wrapping his fingers around two levers.

      “Ready?”

      “When you are,” I breathed against the cold air and he jerked the controls forward after revving up the vehicle. We soared off in an instant and I gasped out at the suddenness of it all. Alistair and I looked at each other briefly before I turned my eyes to watch the palace growing further away. “How long?” I asked after a few minutes.

      “Usually almost two hours by barge. With me driving, about one.” He watched me turn my gaze from the palace, unable to look at it anymore before I grasped the side and pulled myself toward the helm. Water rushed by us below and I closed my eyes to let the cold air caress my face and hair for a long moment. I considered jumping. Just to see what would happen. When I opened them, I was still planted firmly on the vessel and Alistair’s gaze was warm against my back. I wondered if he trusted me. So, I got up and let my legs dangle against the front of the vehicle, grasping the front to hold steady. Wind whipped past me and almost set me free. I felt like a teen.

       _Are you smiling_? I heard Loki’s voice for just a moment.  _Are you happy?_

      No.

      But, right now…right here…I could live for a moment. Not in the past. Not in the future. But right in this fraction of time. Without thinking, I lifted my arms and acted like I was flying.

_To whom it may concern,_

_I’m not fine. I’m not safe. But, I still have the fight and hope within me that perhaps one day, I can achieve those precious things._

_And I can live with that._

** ** **

      The city we came upon was large, and loud; I’d passed it a lot in my travels as I recognized the stone dome at its center but I’d never explored it myself. Alistair found us a small inn, per my instructions, and followed me inside after we landed.

      “Two rooms please,” I smiled and the innkeeper opened the book in front of him. I checked in with a fake name and slid some gold across the counter.

      “Adjoining rooms, if you please,” Alistair added and I rolled my eyes at him.

      “Here you are,” the man grinned. “Let me know if you require anything.”

      “Thank you, sir, but we’d rather not be bothered.” I clutched two keys in my hand.

      “Certainly, enjoy your stay…ugh,  _Tordis_ …” He glanced down at the name and I nodded before leaving up the stairs with Alistair.

      “Odd false name,” he muttered.

      “Inside joke,” I winked before dropping a key into his hand. Opening my room, I shifted to also push open the door that attached our rooms before huffing.

      “I still have to guard you, princess.” Alistair shifted to pass me and I raised my brow.

      “So what  _fun_  things happen in this city?” After waving my hand to use magic, my clothes began to put themselves away. Alistair opened his bag on his own bed, not glancing to look at me.

      “The many pubs hold parties nightly,” he began, “there are an array shops for the princess to explore. Books, magic, and oddities. The dome you saw on our way in is where people go to watch professional fights.”

      “Sounds fascinating.” I leaned against the doorway. “A gambling town? Bright lights and eyes abound.”

      “You could say that,” he only looked up briefly.

      “Are you a gambler, Alistair?” I cocked my head to the side and he merely exhaled through his nose. “You are… You know, I wouldn’t have guessed that from knowing you.”

      “It’s in the distant past,” he replied pointedly and I shifted forward.

      “Was it bad?” I got in front of him and he stared, not admitting it. “Really bad?” Alistair turned away to continue unpacking but I kept at it. “I get it… That’s why you’re not in the family business. You lost ungodly amounts of their money and instead, you leave home because you can’t stand to look at them knowing you’re the family disappointment.”

      “All right!” He spun and leaned toward me. Why had I been so relentless? Why did I want to pick this man apart in my head? “Enough. It is in the past and I am miles over it.”

      “Forgive me, that was rude. My filter is...sputtering but, that's no excuse. I make it my mission to figure people and I go too far. So, I'm sorry.” I paused, eyes flicking up to his. “I wondered why you were so…controlled and connecting the dots is just so…I don’t know. Why did you bring me  _here_ then?”

      “Because,” he exhaled and shrugged, “you asked me to.”

      “We don’t have to gamble but those fights sound interesting for tonight. Would you like to accompany me? Oh, wait, we don’t have a choice. Might as well cuff us together,” I turned and picked up my bag to kick it under the bed. “Let me buy you dinner.”

      “You do know that I have some of my own gold, yes?” Alistair turned to face me when I came toward the doorway.

      “King must pay you well to be on me night and day. It’ll be on the  _palace_  technically. My bribe gold will do us well.” I tilted my head and his lip almost shifted upward.

      “Right.”

** ** **

      “Come on!” The crowd around me yelled in a righteous fury.

      “Drive 'er back into the ground!”

      “Hit ‘em!”

      “Get on with it!” Punches were thrown between two buff women in the ring and people cheered as blood and sweat littered the floor. Men and women of all shapes and sizes fought and I couldn’t help taking interest. To see all the many ways they moves and beat with reckless abandon. Alistair remained exceptionally calm but I did catch him leaning forward and pressing his fist against his lips once in a while.

      It was rather endearing.

      The smaller of the two fighters finally slipped under the larger before tossing her arm around her neck, bringing them both down to pin her opponent. People yelled and stomped and cheered, applause sounding when she came out the victor. Alistair clenched his fist next to me and I chuckled aloud, earning a hardened look.

      “You’re enjoying yourself,” I turned my head as the next fight got into place. “Admit it.”

      “Was that another order, princess?” He maintained a stoic mask and I merely shook my head at him.

      “It’s odd, to compare this… _display_  to the warrior’s spars. Feels…unhinged and freeing almost.” I watched a large muscled man bash his fist into his opponent, blood spurted across people in the front row. The crowd grew even more excited around me and I scooted closer to Alistair.

      “You miss it,” he mused. It wasn’t a question. “Does this crowd make you too nervous?”

      “You’re quite mistaken,” I folded my hands in my lap, watching the brutal fight before my eyes.

      “Any closer and you’ll be in my lap,” came his comment and I shot him a flat look.

      “You should be glad I haven’t made a run for it in this mess,” I raised one eyebrow.

      “Tired of me always catching you.”

      “Your  _teasing_  is not appreciated, you know.” My lips tugged upward at the same time his chuckle caught. “Laughter. The first time I’ve gotten it out of you.”

      “It’s merely the smoke in here,” his dark eyes stared into mine.

      “Maybe we should get some fresh air then.” I exhaled, fingers clasping together before our gazes shifted elsewhere at the same time. “Couldn’t hurt.” I stood and didn’t look back at him when he followed me through the heavy crowds until I found the archway out. Music and sounds of celebrations carried through the night air and I turned down a road of street lamps. “This town should be everything I despise. Loud and obnoxious…but it’s…distracting.” We passed people and I felt Alistair looking down at me as the lamp’s light touched my face with every passing step. In getting to know Alistair, he never smiled with teeth. It was a subtle sort of expression in his eyes matched with only the slightest twitch of his lips. “Look, that bookstore is open…I wonder…”

      “You wonder?”

      “Nothing…I’d just like to browse it,” I swiftly curled my lips into a smirk and went in. No one paid us any mind as I shifted along sections quietly. It was rather large and  _damp_ somehow. Creepy was probably the word. I looked over sections on taboo subjects and wandered into one, pulling books out on the workings of the mind and tapping into it through meditation and such. I wasn’t a warrior anymore. I couldn’t protect my friends. But, perhaps, there were other things I could do to keep them safe in the long run. Or at least, other things within myself that I’ve yet to tap into. With that in mind, I pulled a book on runes and bought them both. My power was growing as I explored it but I needed to concentrate to keep my focus and find a way to delve deeper.

      “Would you like anything else, dearie?” The man slid my books over and I put them away in my bag. “We’ve many other books on magic that might interest you. I’ve more curious artifacts within this counter as well.”

      “No, thank you…” I felt Alistair’s gaze on my back and shifted my stance. “Come to think of it, there is another subject that interests me.” I slipped a few gold coins from my bag and discreetly flashed them on the glass case, smiling lightly. “If you’re interested in helping me.”

      “Let’s see what we can do with that, come in back.” He nodded and allowed me behind the counter.

      “Five minutes,” I glanced at Alistair and muttered. “Wait here.” When he shot me his usual look of displeasure, I shook my head. “Trust me, yeah?” I followed the owner behind a curtain and into a tall room surrounded by books from head to toe. The older man trotted toward a ladder and turned to grin at me.

      “I know every book in this place. What’s your poison?”

      “Do you hold knowledge that others would find…unsavory or-”

      “Illegal. Gods, no… Not that I know of,” he about cackled. “Unsavory, certainly. Such is the way of knowledge.”

      “It’s just…with the bifrost gone. There are whispers of other ways on and off Asgard. Permanent ways beyond dark magic and…rifts, I suppose. To make things simple, I’m interested in reading about-”

      “The cosmic cube,” he put up one hand. “The famed Tesseract, here in Asgard and gone in a flash.”

      “You know what it is? There is more to it. I'm certain. I felt it in a...vision.”

      “I know what I’m certain the King and Queen know, dearie. Passing the secrets to their prince son, no doubt,” his grin was unsettling. Of course they knew. “You  _think_  the Tesseract is alone?”

      “What do you mean by that?”

      “I have this written journal,” he began to climb a ladder. “Full of symbols and smudges but I’m certain you can make some of it out…written by a man who was said to go insane. You plan on going insane any time soon?”

      “I’m not sure anymore,” I breathed, watching him look before he plucked a book up. “What do you mean the Tesseract isn’t alone? What is it a part of?”

      “Royals hide a lot from us common folk. Do they not? I wonder what the prince knows…” He mused and my hands clasped into fists.  _Dually noted._  “Figure they should. It doesn’t matter now either way. We do not even have them anymore. Probably best that way… They should never come together.” He blew dust off a book and came down, inching it toward me. When I reached out to touch it, he jerked me closer by the wrists and whispered as I gasped out. My lips opened and his mind unfurled before me. I saw a land of molten rocks, underlit and floating. A throne floated to turn and my mind went black. “ _Ever_.”

      “Let me go,” my heart sped up. Six bright lights illuminated behind his eyes into mine.

      “I can’t be held responsible for what this knowledge does to you.  _Understand?_ ”

      “Yes,” my lip trembled. I heard Loki's chuckle in my ear. "I want it."

      “This is something inside you. Something waiting. Take this and don’t come back here. Be a good girl and don’t come back here.”

      “What is the Tesseract?” I breathed. “Tell me.”

      “The stones,” his wide eyes locked to mine. “The infinity gems. Objects of immense power… Leave the gold, take this,” he pushed the book into my hands. “Do what you will… Get out.” I didn’t need to be told twice, I rushed away from the strange man and left twice the amount of gold on the counter. Practically bumping into Alistair on the way out, I took his wrist and tugged him along with me, shaken.

      “Let’s go,” I hurried and he stopped me when we were two building away.

      “What happened?” He took my shoulders. “Breathe.”

      “It’s just,” I frantically thought of a lie. “The many powerful objects in there… They were a lot for a sorcerer like me to take in. It happens.”

      “ _Breathe_ ,” he stated slower, shaking his head and I set my eyes on his.

      “I think…” I swallowed. “I’d like to go back and rest for tonight.” I parted my lips, flicking my gaze up and down his face before I stepped back. Alistair's hands left my shoulders but his gaze didn’t yield. “Long day.” I broke my eyes from his, turned, and pretended I didn’t notice the way his hand reached out toward me.  _Keep walking. Bad things happen when you get involved with the people around you_ , I begged myself but of course I didn’t listen. Without thinking, I stopped and faced him once more. “Why didn’t you tell them about what I did in the healing room? I’ve been a downright brat to you. But that…you should have told them I was insane.”

      “Does it matter to you, princess?” His fingers curled before he lowered his hand.

      “Yes.” I replied without missing a beat. “It matters.”

      “Why?”

      “Honest curiosity,” I paused. “I suppose I just like knowing why people do what they do at the core. I like…knowing what happens at the soul of a person and I did not fully realize that until right now.” Alistair looked at the empty area around us before sizing me up briefly and stepping forward, causing me to square my shoulders and stand straighter.

      “I have three older sisters,” he began. “All strong. Stronger than I. The eldest, Mjoll, lost her ability to hear in a racing accident. She still races. She is the best I know. The second, Lilya, developed a condition on her skin when she was young. The beautiful brown color now harbors blotches of stark white like the color had been drained. We don’t know how to treat it and recently she has no plans too now that the healers stopped the pain and the spreading of it. It doesn’t hurt her physically, nor is it harmful to those about her. But, civilians look at her differently and they think she is ill…or believe she’ll infect those around her so they spat hatred and stayed away from her. She cried much when she was young at the cruelty…until she didn’t. Which brings me to my third sister, Elpis. Clever as she is kind with a memory like you wouldn’t believe. I’m told that when she was a child, she wasn’t walking and talking when the other children began to and when she did, she kept up this habit of rocking back in forth all the while speaking to things that were not there. Initially, they did not read too much into it and figured it would stop when she grew older.”

      “But, it didn’t,” I flicked my eyes to the floor and looked up to watch him nod silently.

      “No, Elpis had trouble putting her words together and the frustration took a toll on her. But, she often spoke of how she could hear sounds that weren’t there and suffered from hallucinations that only grew worse. Voices telling her to do things that she doesn’t want to do. When I was growing up, I remember her being gone a lot. My family kept her separate from me because they worried for my safety when she began showing signs of violence. To help herself, Elpis often locks herself away and tosses herself into crafting in our library. Painting and paper crafting for hours. People who know nothing look at her and wonder why she cannot just be normal. They ask why and how a pretty girl with demons can create such beauty when they see her work. She looks normal on the outside so they don’t try to understand what happens internally and react with no sensitivity when she speaks too bluntly or rocks at the dinner table…or acts out when she is overstimulated by the world around her. People look at Lilya and they can see the pain she went through but, they look at Elpis and you know what they see?”

      “ _No_ ,” I lied in a strained, quiet tone.

      “They see nothing. They cannot see her pain. So they don’t understand it. Nor do they attempt to. Lilya and Elpis were are opposite ends and they both lost. There is no winning when you're different. When you're the outsider. You didn’t carve up your skin to die. You didn’t do it because you lost the one you loved. I can’t read your mind and say exactly why you did it. I’m not you and I won’t speak over you. But, if I may, I believe there was a small flicker of hope within you that perhaps your pain could be acknowledged, if only a little.” Alistair stepped toward me and grew near silent when he breathed softly. “True or false?” My hands shifted behind my back so I could tug one of my sleeves down just a little. “You don’t have to answer, you don’t owe me that.” Alistair tilted his head and shifted backwards, only slightly and the light caught his face. “As for when I walked in on you that day in the healing room, I am charged to protect you, princess, but in many ways…I cannot. I cannot protect you from the pain within that will be arguably worse than any being around you like I couldn’t protect my sister from it. But, if I can bring some peace to a mentally ill woman who is tired of the higher up’s constant judging of her, I can accept that.”

      “Just so,” I uttered, sighing softly against the cold air.

      “Furthermore, some of the questions the advisers ask are…disrespectful. Even, the King let one go after a small feud in the throne room over your relationship to Prince Thor. I’m a simple man, I don’t care why you both are feigning a relationship. I am a guard and I am sworn to your side. That is all  _anyone_ needs to know.” Alistair kept my gaze, brow furrowing together when I didn’t speak. Swallowing, I cleared my throat and gave him a nod before slowly turning from his eyes to walk forward.

      “Can I ask you a question, guard?” I hadn’t made it two steps before I was looking back at him under the lanterns surrounding us on this cold night.

      “Yes, princess.” Alistair’s hands flexed then clasped together.

      “I’d prefer it,” I began, “if you walked next to me. I’m not fond of someone following directly behind me. Sets me on edge.”

      “If it pleases you,” he obliged and came to my right. “Is this to your liking?”

      “Yes,” I exhaled, breathless when I tore my gaze from him to watch the darkened path ahead as my steps resumed. “It is to my liking.”

      We walked back in silence.

      I didn’t sleep immediately the first night. Instead, I took pleasure in staring at my new surroundings. The subtle chips in the wall paint. Little nicks in the wood furniture. The clouds passing the moons outside. Subtle beats of music trickled between the cracks along my closed window as the minutes passed. The nightlife here truly never ended. After a while, I curled my fingers under my pillow to tug the fabric of Loki’s cape out. I’d been hiding it under every pillow I spelt on nightly. Still. Bringing it to my lips like a child would a stuffed animal, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep; inhaling a scent as if to trick myself into bliss before the sweet darkness sealed the edges around me.

** ** **

      Early in the morning, I beckoned for Alistair to rise after getting ready myself. I'd asked for the innkeeper’s opinion on a few places in town and my guard met me downstairs before he smirked at the sight of me. Alistair tried not to look surprised.

      “Did you really think I’d run off to eat without you?” I twisted my cloak closer when we got outside into the snow.

      “Half,” he replied simply, falling in stride next to me.

      “I’m starving,” I mumbled, entering the first place I saw before taking a seat at a table in the corner. “Well, sit down.” Alistair stared at the spot across from me before sliding into it. After ordering a tall plate of hot cakes, I took a book out of my bag and my journal to write notes in. “So earlier you mentioned that you’re not married? You sure?”

      “You’re asking that now?” He gaze didn’t falter when I glanced up

      “You have that nervous look on your face spouses get when they’re seen in public with people who aren’t their spouse. Didn’t expect your job to be like this?” I sipped a hot drink after a nice woman who worked here poured us two cups.

      “You could say that,” he eyed the place around us before settling his gaze on me once more.

      “Oh, I wrote you something last night.” I tore a page out of my journal and made it a point to fold it up meticulously before sliding it across the table. “You can read it now if you wish.” I watched him eye me before huffing, sliding his palm across his beard in a manner of disbelief.

      “What are you doing?” He leaned forward on his elbows and I glanced at the note between them. “What are  _we_  doing?”

      “Eating soon hopefully.” I offered blatantly before relaxing and smiling more to to myself. “Do you see?”

      “ _Hm_?” Alistair rubbed his eyes and sat back.

      “No one in here is looking at us,” I paused. “At me.” He picked up on what I meant after surveying the room around us before clearing his throat. Staring at him, I watched as he picked up my note and looked down when he opened it. “It’s nice not worrying as much.” Distant, I beamed and heard Alistair’s breath before he folded up the paper that merely said ' _True'_  in bold letters. Pocketing it, Alistair regarded me with a soft expression before nodding once. “They don’t look at me here. It isn’t because they’re trying hard not to also. Which is…nice.” I stated absentmindedly as I wrote and forced my gaze down. “Only you… You’re always looking at me.” There was a long beat before he replied.

      “Would you like me to stop looking at you?” Came his near silent question.

      “I thought it was your job to.” I pulled the journal from my bag that I’d bought from the strange bookkeeper. Opening it in my lap, I dared to let my eyes skim the messy first page before closing it and setting it away. I hadn’t worked up the nerve to go through it.

      “Nevertheless.” He shrugged and I raised my eyes to meet his.

      “No.” I replied then with a serene expression. “Should you want to gaze at me, I will not stop you.” Silverware clinked around us as people ate and told stories before our food was set on the table. I thanked the man quietly and dug into my plate eagerly after setting my things away. We regained some fuel in our usual silence before I paid, tipping well of course, and left.

      I wanted to close my eyes and gain some control over the voices trying to break through the void in my brain. They’d come back. I wish I knew what was worse. Snow crunched and I looked up when a crowd caught my gaze.

      “We should go another way,” Alistair spoke quickly but my attention was drawn to a man telling a story on a wooden box.

      “They say the villainous Loki took the form of a winged creature, towering over the brave Prince Thor,” he waved his hands out and people gasped. My fists clenched at the storyteller and I prayed for my body to move. The gods didn’t abide my pleas. “Before the mighty Thor swung and struck him down! The blast sent a shockwave over our very lands, bringing the bifrost with it! Can you, my dear listeners, imagine falling into such darkness? No stars to keep you company. Just then, King Odin, awoke from his slumber, flying to heave up his true heir with his-” abruptly the wooden box broke and he was sent to the ground. People cried out in surprise but I’d already begun to race away before anyone noticed the way my hands twitched prior to him falling.

       _No stars to keep you company._

_Only the cold._

      I remembered the bifrost crackling apart.

      It was so loud.

      Why is it so loud?

      The falling.

      Always falling.

      No stops until hell.

       _Please_.

      “Stop!” I whimpered, realizing my clothes were wet as I sat in a damp alleyway and pressed my hands to my ears. Visions fluttered across my brain, obscuring everything else and I felt myself crying and heaving for air. Loki's hands uncurling from that staff while I reached out, unable to stop him. Unable to save him. “Don’t touch me!” I came to when Alistair was kneeling down, puffing against the cold air after he’d caught up to me. Holding myself, I pressed against the wall and gritted my teeth. My heart sped with sudden panic. I trembled uncontrollably. “My head,” I wheezed. “Can’t breathe.  _They won’t let me._ ”

      “I won’t touch you,” Alistair eased and I cried out, leaning over when I felt sick before my hands pressed against the ground. “But, I’m going to put my hand next to yours. Like this. Take it if you see fit. Can you hear me?”

      “What’s happening to me?” I smacked my back against the wall and tried to shake the flashes of the bifrost falling away from me and taking Loki with it.  _It hurts._

      Falling.

      Always with the damn falling.

      “Trauma has a way of holding onto a person,” he stated then and I pressed my fists to my forehead.

      “I wanted to send him the stars but, I couldn’t! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I was crying and gasped unpleasantly before I growled. “Ugh, that man. He knew  _nothing_. Pitiful, little bug.  _I’ll kill him._ ” I lunged forward but Alistair’s arm shot out, palm splaying against the wall and I caught myself before shaking my head.  _Are you there? Come back._  Breath hitching, I blinked at him and my awareness for my surroundings tumbled back. Alistair stared at me without judgement before I mustered up my voice, the tone was quiet and eerie. “I think I’d like to stay in for today.”

      I never did take his hand.

** ** **

      Depression gripped me and I didn’t leave my bed until the sun went down. Occasionally, as I stared out the window, I could hear Alistair moving about in the other room. I wondered briefly what he was thinking. It took every ounce of strength within me to force myself up so I could wash my body. The beats of music I’d gotten used to filled the air around me before I put on a dress. I tried to erase the word  _fall_ from my brain. When that didn’t work, I put on a cloak and followed the music outside until I came upon a darkened building with fluttering purple lights inside. There were others like it in town; festivities shouting across the air. Places where nightlife could thrive. After going in, the music drowned me in the most perfect way possible so I ordered a drink. Alistair hadn’t come after me and two strong drinks were gone into my stomach. Men and women danced along a glowing floor to the music and the air smelled of smoke and alcohol so I stood to cross to a washroom. The crowd suffocated me but a hand slid up my hip, fingers pressing to pull me closer to a body.

      I allowed it.

      A handsome man smiled at me and I was all teeth when he held me closer to dance along my frame.  _Fool_. My head lulled back against his shoulder with a sigh before I giggled outwardly. I felt his heartbeat against my back and wanted to reach into his ribcage to slide my fingers around the organ until it sang. My arms raised as I danced against him among the many bodies. Music coiled around my bones. A women joined us with lips painted the color blue against olive skin. They both seemed  _charged_  in a way. I felt their eyes and their hands along my body so I moved to the beat for what felt like hours. More drinks were passed around while people grinded together on nearby walls.

      The man set his lips gently against my neck but the woman in front of me coiled her arm around my shoulders and tugged me closer. When she asked my name, I told her it didn’t matter. She smiled at that and called me  _red_  for the red on my lips. After realizing I wasn’t from here, she told me she desired to travel and spoke of how my scars made me frightening and wild and beautiful.  _Like a Valkyrie_ , she’d said.

      “If there are Valkyries about still,” I had replied, “I’m certain that I am nothing like them.”

      She tucked some hair behind my ear and felt like moth dancing about a flickering candle.

      The man was slowly going unnoticed behind me.

      “Why blue lips?” I wondered aloud, straining to speak over the people.

      “Because I like the way the color looks on me,  _silly_.” She laughed and I laughed and then she kissed me.

      And I let her.

      And the man grew excited behind me.

      And I felt her push him away.

      And I paid him no notice so he seemed to get the idea, shrugging it off kindly.

      So, we kept kissing.

      And dancing.

      And kissing.

      And my lips turned purple by the time she’d leaned back.

      “Would you like to go to another party, just down the block?” She asked with a sweet smile and dark, lush eyes.

      I took her hand in response.

** ** **

      She told me to call her Nyx and we traveled to at least three more places before I allowed her to sneak me into a room. We kissed more and I left my dress on when her hand wandered between my legs. She felt good. I held her and kissed her and laid on my back as she explored me, grinding herself against my thigh before she collapsed after an hour or so. Her sweet breaths caressed my neck. I found myself staring at a house plant with shiny leaves. Her cheek was warm when I kissed it in parting and insisted I was safe enough to walk home. Nyx smiled and told me she had fun and that I was pretty before we bid each other goodbyes.

      Sex for me was like a soft exhale against a harsh night. It felt good. It distracted me from the world closing in. It wasn’t something I gave a lot of thought to anymore. It wasn’t something I desired. But, I suppose it could be nice if I liked the person I was with and they wanted it enough for both of us. Perhaps, I gave my body because I just..did not care any longer. Perhaps, I cared so much and did not know how to show it. Letting someone toy with you seems...easier.  _With Loki, I…_  With Loki, I got into it better as his appetite was often unquenched…and I was rather happy to oblige. But, if I could lie against a bed and forget everything bad while someone I liked played with me, I suppose I’d accept it. No, I did not think it always healthy. But, frankly, healthy coping wasn't my forte. Not yet. I’d been trying a lot of things to feel something. But this…it wasn’t terribly important to me.

      I guess I mostly liked being held after.

** ** **

      “You shouldn’t wander off, princess,” Alistair cornered me in an alchemy shop the next day.

      “I left you a note,” I rubbed my head and tried not to groan, realizing he was merely speaking about this morning.

      “Ah, yes. The note that said  _come find me_.” He almost looked amused and I chuckled.

      “I wanted to see what you would do.” I smirked slightly and picked a potion up to read the label.

      “For a headache?” He inquired, nodding toward the bottle.

      “You could say that.” I offered simply before turning to go pay for it. “I’d like to go somewhere quiet to study today. After we eat of course.”

      “As you wish, princess.”

      “Miles away and you’re still calling me that.” I mumbled, downing the whole potion once we exited the shop. Alistair didn’t reply and walked next to me along the street until I picked a place to get some food. After sitting, I glanced outside and perked up. “What day is it? I think Herlof and his wife were supposed to have their baby this week. You remember him I’m sure. I heard two attendants talking about it not long before we left. Certainly, I must pay the happy father a visit sometime soon…” Idly, I stared outside and tapped my fingers on the table before sliding my hands into my lap. “Would you not agree?”

      “ _Hm_.” His eyebrows quirked up as he stared elsewhere and I pulled out a book on runes. Loki showed me many ways of implanting them within one’s body for a variety of reasons. Mostly to offer protection. But, I wondered what I could do to a brain specifically with my power. _Dangerous grounds_ , I thought.

      “Can I ask you a question?” I looked up to see him nod. “Given the chance, would you opt to get rid of memories if you could?”

      “I’m supposed to say no,” he paused and spoke like he’d memorized this response. “Because our memories shape us into the people we are.”

      “And if you said yes?” I inquired, tone softening.

      “Sometimes, we don’t have enough care to believe such things.”

      “No,” I replied, glancing back down at the pages. “No, we do not.” Across from me, a little boy laughed between his parents and caught my gaze. I smiled at him and he smiled shyly in return before going back to his meal. “May I ask why you haven’t married off and had a child? Most in our land are so concerned about their  _heirs_.”

      “I was almost engaged once.” He spoke, propping his arm up against the back of his seat. The light from outside caught his face and illuminated it finely. “Around the same time, I…lost a large sum of my money. So, instead, I took the job offered to me and moved to another town.”

      “How’d you lose the money? Bet on the wrong horse?” When he mumbled something, I tilted my head. “What was that?”

      “ _Cheating_.” He muttered, eyes flicking to mine. “I was in deep with a bad group. They were going to fix the race but, I was cheated in turn. Lost a lot. They beat me half to death and left me on my mother’s doorstep. That was when she found out about what I did.”

      “Does your mother love you?” I wondered aloud. “Mine does. I think. She isn’t very good at it though.”

      “I have two mothers.” He replied and I nodded simply.

      “Oh, I see. Are you and your siblings adopted or...?”

      “No,” Alistair shook his head. “The four of us were birthed by Sigrid, our mother. Her wife, Britta could not have children naturally. So, when they wanted more children, they went to our healers and had some of Britta’s eggs given to Sigrid. Elpis and I were born that way. With the help of a male donor of course, all four of us.”

      “Sounds like your house is full of people and animals,” I chuckled lightly.

      “It’s…large,” he shrugged. “And yes, my mothers love me.”

      “Do you find yourself accepting that love?” I busied away with my notes and Alistair hummed in response.

      “Why the sudden interest?”

      “Mothers interest me. Among many other things.” I sat back. “Once when I was younger, I saw a mother bilgesnipe give birth in the forest. She wasn’t well but the baby…it was shrunken and suffering the moment it entered the world. I watched her smell her newborn and nudge it before she abruptly opened her jaws and swallowed it whole. At the time, I didn’t fully understand why and I thought she was just a cruel beast. But…now, I wonder if she knew it would die within the hour and swallowed it to end the suffering before its awareness for its surroundings came to. How terrible is it that sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is to let them go?”

      “That what your mother did to you?” He asked afterward and I smiled wide at him.

      “Not yet.”

** ** **

      That night, I snuck out. Again. Went to a party. Again. Danced with strangers. Again.

      This time I let a man take me home. His name was Erik and he rambled on about his studies with plants then apologized which I told him was completely endearing. His body was broadly muscled and covered with dark hair. His eyes, I liked. Brown and intense in a way I couldn’t describe. His mouth was clumsy and his room smelled like flowers. Just like with Nyx, I found myself staring at random things around the bedroom like candles flickering and the beads woven into the tapestries. I realized I hadn’t compared either encounter with Loki. I just closed my eyes and held Erik as he called me his  _sweet rose_ and put things inside me. Tongue. Fingers. Cock. I took it all. I liked it. Afterward, he insisted on walking me halfway home and held my hand kindly as he did.

      It was a good night up until I stumbled into my room and saw Alistair waiting. I smelled of roses and alcohol and sex and...he wasn’t happy. Not at all.

      “You keep sneaking away and I’ll end our trip all together,” he threatened. “Like it or not, I have a job to do and it’ll be done.” I tripped into bed trying to pull off my shoes and my dress rode up to my thighs so I propped myself up on my elbows. 

      “I was out with  _friends_ ,” I countered rudely, intoxicated. “It isn’t any of your concern.” Alistair was rather polite with his eyes because I was drunk and I'd definitely flashed the lacy fabric of my panties at him by accident.

      “Your damn life is my concern now,  _brat_.”

      “I’m a big, big girl, I’ll handle myself.” I struggled to sit up more. “Do you really believe I care about what the palace does to me? If you go, Odin will just find someone else. Then I’ll get rid of them and make him  _suffer_ trying to put guards on me. I guarantee, I will make this way harder than it needs to be if I have to. Until then, we’re stuck together unless you quit but you’re far too resilient for all my nonsense. _Fuck,_ I'm drunk.” I fell back against the bed, hair splaying out as I watched him fume.  _“I’m tired.”_

      “Did you take anything that wasn’t alcohol?” He asked after a moment and I sighed.

      “No, a few people offered me other substances but I declined. That thing in the healing room was good enough for me in that light.” I laid there with my legs hanging off the bed and turned my head to look at him. “I miss my cat.” My voice was airy as my eyes closed and opened. “I miss Loki. We never got closure and I think I hate him for it at times. I let another man inside me and I don't...care. He was sweet. Brought me to orgasm four times. Woman before him got me to six. I just... This is all a joke.” My confession caused Alistair to turn his head and step forward idly. “I was looking into runes because I thought perhaps I could make myself forget this. Marry Thor. Be good. Docile. Live that life. But, I know I never will.” Furrowing my brow, I looked up at the ceiling and reached out with one finger to trace a shape against the air. “I've started sleeping with people who weren’t Loki. Good people. Fun people. Not because I desired them or loved them but…” Merely shaking my head with a soft sigh, I dropped my hand against my stomach. “On one level, I liked the way they felt regardless. If I cannot feel myself, I want to feel others and pretend for a moment...that I'm... I'm here.” Alistair, of course, didn’t understand my full meaning of that.

      “Did it make you feel better about yourself somehow?” His words weren’t unkind and I tilted my head at him.

      “It didn’t make me feel anything. The sex at least.” Bracing myself up with my arms, I stretched out and tried not to chuckle. “Drinking in excess. Eating ingredients from the healing room. Sex with people I barely know. I feel like a teen… I wasn’t like this as a teen. I… I was afraid of everything and now I'm two seconds from self destruction.” For a moment, I chuckled softly and brought my arm up to admire my scarred wrist in the light. “I’m back where I started…and I’m doing everything in my power to feel more than that…and here I am, intoxicated and spilling my guts to  _you_.”

      “You should drink some water,” came his voice after a moment when I’d looked down.

      “Knowing what you do now, would you still have agreed to be my guard?” I asked instead.

      “I saw you before becoming your guard. Odin lied when he stated that he’d just written for me to come. He’d written me prior and had me attend your hearing. I saw you in the throne room that day. I saw a distraught woman stand up for herself in front of the royals, the court, and civilians. If my sisters taught me one thing, it is that you are the only weapon needed to free yourself. Fight, they’d say. Just fight. Never compromise. Not for the lot of them.” He watched me stumble up to finally pull off my shoes, holding to the bed as I tossed them aside. Watching the moon outside for a moment, the stars twinkled kindly at me before I scoffed.

      “I’m not a good person,” I rasped lightly.

      “Is that something that fills you with genuine concern, princess?” His dark eyes slid up to mine when I turned. I wanted to touch his face and figure him.

      “Not anymore. In the last few months, I’ve fought and lost the man I love, stolen Thor somehow, pushed my friends away, lied, manipulated, drank, screamed, and tried to kill myself. I carved two eternal lines into my face and people still call me beautiful and wild and mysterious. I cannot be wholly bad, wholly good, wholly seen, nor wholly invisible…no matter what I do. I’m hotheaded, distrustful, protective, and maybe brave. Maybe…” My voice got lower. “This isn’t beauty. This isn’t some  _romantic_  thing I’m going through. I’m  _sick_.”

      “Yes.” Alistair eyed me as I braced myself on my bed and crawled toward him on it, fingers curling around the bars of the frame to steady myself.

      “I used to be in such control of myself,” I sat back on my knees, wanting to laugh in my state. Alistair was just standing there. Looking at me. Talking to me. Acknowledging me without sympathy or judgment or intentions to fix. “Do you pity me, Alistair?” My murmur caused him to cross toward me in slow, calculated steps. I counted them in my head until he stood over me and our lips parted at the same exact moment to exhale.

      “I have no pity,” his voice was hard and I got up on my knees to draw closer to his face so I could whisper like someone was listening in on us.

      “ _I believe you_ ,” I breathed, eyes flickering over his unreadable expression. Lifting my hand, I stopped and curled my fingers into a fist before dropping it.  _Not now_ , I thought. When I leaned back, Alistair straightened up before I found my passive voice. “Goodnight, guard.”

      “Goodnight, princess.” Alistair made his way toward the door and I wondered if he could feel my gaze.

      “Wait,” I paused until he’d looked back at my scarred face. “You never fully answered my question. Why did you agree to be my guard? Knowing what you did.”

      “My King requested it. Of course I cannot refuse.” His lip almost tugged up when I tilted my head.

      “Yes,” I countered. “You can.”

      “Because…” he gave a breathless sound that resembled a chuckle and shook his head, eyes averting from me before he glanced back. 

      His reply made me smile.

      “Because my calendar was open.”

** ** **

      We stayed for two more days. Going to watch the fights, eating when I wanted, studying what I could in solitude, walking the cold streets. I did what I wanted with Alistair at my side. I lived in the moment and knew I’d have to return. So, Alistair drove us both home just in time to see warriors preparing for matches outside the main coliseum. The King and Queen were both frequenting the grounds and my appearance seemed to come as a slight surprise.

      “Where have you been?” Sif spotted me first as people busied about behind her, laughing and getting ready.

      “Few towns away. I needed some fresh air,” I paused, pressing my bag to me. “They’re holding spars in this snow?”

      “Don’t sound too surprised. Big winter feast tonight.” She smiled light and I remembered.

      “Ah, yes,” I nodded simply. “Give them hell until then. I already know you will.” More people seemed to notice me and Alistair slipped the bag from my hand to carry it. “I should go greet the royals…” I cleared my head. “Because…you know…” Thor’s ring burned my finger under my glove and Sif straightened up.

      “Yes, of course. Don’t be a stranger.” She didn’t watch me pass her to go greet others as I clutched my smaller bag strapped across my chest. I saw a pretty woman, all red hair and freckles along her tanned face, speaking heatedly with Herlof. A baby was strapped across her chest and my feet moved on their own.

      “Herlof.” I droned and he paused, turning to see me and his expression remained unpleasant.

      “ _Yes?”_ He was tense and I smiled sweetly, scars tugging along my cheeks. Alistair was silent behind me and I realized that he’d taken my bag to make me look better for the people around us.

      “I never congratulated you. Forgive me, I was…out of town. Is this your new wife?”

      “ _Thea_.” He introduced me shortly and I slipped my glove off in my bag discreetly before holding my hand out.

      “Princess, I…” She blushed and bowed her head, her other hand cradled the shape of her child’s head before we locked hands. Thea felt…tired. Embarrassed of Herlof. Sharp. Enduring. Bashful.  _Bored_. She deserved better and she tried not think about that. She had a daughter now. Thea felt like what I thought my mother might have felt ages ago. I tried not to yank my hand away. Herlof would ruin everything. The verbal abuse. “It is an honor to meet you.”

      “What is your daughter’s name?” I asked then, beaming at the baby as she stretched her chubby arms.

      “We call her Runa,” Thea replied, lips curling as she looked at the child. Herlof stood next to me, discontented and looking elsewhere. “It means mighty strength.”

      “Beautiful name,” I mused before flicking my gaze up. “She has your eyes, Herlof. Did you notice?”

      “Yes.” His teeth pressed together noticeably.

      “Well, it was lovely to meet you but I suppose I should let your husband get his much needed preparation for today.” I smiled wider at him, nose crinkling and he caught my meaning.

      “Don’t you have a fiancé to greet as well,” he tried to shake my expression with no avail. “Or did you forget?” Suddenly, I found myself thinking of Nerien.

      “So many blessings, Herlof, take time to look around. Yes? The higher gods always have ways of reminding us.” With that, I beckoned for Alistair and I to walk in another direction when I spotted Thor.

      “You know,” Herlof voiced loudly and I tried not to groan when a few people turned; Thor and his parents included. I was caught off guard when Herlof swept an arm around me and steered forward. “You never did tell the warriors and I about how you and Prince Thor came to be closer.” I pulled away from him before Alistair could step between us.

      “I don’t see how it’s any of your business.” I forced a smile as Thor and I exchanged looks from across the short distance while the crowd parted around us. “Some things just  _happen_.”

      “Like true  _love_ ,” Herlof chuckled obnoxiously.

      “Everyone, we have preparations to do,” Frigga tried to defuse the slight tensions with her smile. Odin was silent and I bet he was…curious. He wanted to watch Thor and I claw our way out of this mess.  _Fine_.

      “We’ve never even seen either of you share a real kiss!” Herlof called and people chuckled around us.

      “We can go, princess,” Alistair leaned down to whisper in my ear but I looked from Herlof to Thor. He slightly shrugged, eyebrows quirking up.

      “My friends, I’m afraid that we agreed to keep our relationship more discreet over the months. It’s far more respectful that way.”

      “Oh, come on,” Herlof went on, not letting up and my hands clenched. “Don’t be shy! This is a day of celebration.” People were whispering around us and I spotted the Warriors Three and Sif at the front of the crowd. Everyone was watching us.  _Gods, why?_  “I’m sure everyone is curious and joyous about your  _union_.” Frigga nudged Odin’s side but the King did not speak behind Thor. More people were whispering and I didn’t realize I’d stepped toward Thor until we charged each other at the same time. The blue of his eyes blurred together as I leapt into his arms, one going around the small of my back to lift me up. My own arms rounded his shoulders when his hand touched my face and my legs bent to hold to his hips. I felt permission through his touch and nodded, not stopping to inhale when our lips collided. From our union, we drew heat and passion. And fury. The crowd went silent completely before I gasped, opening my lips to allow his tongue in. Thor really played this up well. We kissed almost obscenely in front of everyone and I tried not to pay attention to the fact that we both felt of traces of Loki. Odin glowered at me when I peeked.

       _Give the people what they want_ , Loki would say.

      So, I tossed everything aside and held to Thor tighter while a few people clapped or made sounds of delight after the initial shock left. When I realized I had their full attention, I sank my hand into Thor’s hair until my fingers curled possessively into his blond locks. That part was for Odin. We pulled apart and I was dizzy as he lowered me a bit. Our foreheads touched before we inhaled sharper for the air that the kiss had stolen. Thor was heated…and somber. I felt like I’d yanked a star from the sky and extinguished it in my hand. I knew he was thinking of Jane and of how he needed to prove this all to his family and to Asgard as a whole. Thor was here but a part of him would always covet the curiosity and wonder he discovered on Earth.

      “You want the damn story,” Thor marched forward with me still in his arms to address the crowd around us. “Here it is. We’ve known each other most of our lives. As friends on and off a battlefield. We’ve played and mourned together, our feelings progressed. Such is the way of development. After the many times of comfort, I fell for her in full  _after_  the death of my brother, Loki, and her for me. Our connection has never broken, nor will it.” Thor allowed me down and took my hand, lifting it slightly to show everyone. He felt enraged. “See you  _all_  at our wedding!” My brow furrowed as he marched off, hands loosening but I tightened my hold.

       _Don’t let go._

      “Thor,” Odin began. “The spars.”

      “I am afraid that I cannot take part today, father. Enjoy the festivities without me.” Thor walked away from everyone and I never released his hand as he did. He was breathing heavily still when we finally arrived to the palace.

      “Thor,” I summoned the courage after a moment. Alistair, whose face I hadn’t looked at yet, was near behind me when my future husband stopped, head tilting down. The fire within Thor felt softer somehow. I tried to find something to say, mouth opening and closing before I decided. “I haven’t been here for you the past few days. I am sorry.”

      “I think that made up for a lot,” Thor replied slowly, eyeing Alistair behind me.

      “He knows about… _us_.” I nodded and Thor did too, dropping his tight shoulders. “I haven’t seen my cat in days…come with me to my room.” I took my bag from Alistair and resumed walking, tugging Thor along with me.

      “You both have my…silence.” Alistair offered awkwardly and I smirked a little at him, catching his heavy expression. The palace was oddly silent with most everyone outside in the snow today. I pulled Thor to my room and allowed him in as Naaki raced out to greet me when I used magic to set my bag aside.

      “Sit, make yourself at home,” I let go of Thor, kissing Naaki’s head. “Did you have fun with Elise, my sweet? I missed you.” I held her close and stood in the doorway as Thor walked in.

      “I’ll put my things away and take my post, princess,” Alistair looked at me and we shared a quiet moment in the doorway that I knew I’d remember for a long while.

      “Did you have fun with me?” I asked softly, lips tugging when his twitched up. “You have to tell the truth. If you lie, I’ll know.” Alistair clasped an arm around his back and leaned down toward my face.

      “ _Yes_.” He murmured. “Are you contented?”

      “A little.” I smoothed one hand over Naaki before turning from him. “Guard.”

      “ _Brat_.” He muttered and I tilted my head toward him noticeably before the doors closed. Thor was seated on my couch as I quickly set Naaki down so she could go inspect him; busying to put my clothes away before I spoke.

      “Was what we did bad?” I leaned forward onto my desk, hiding my journal and the book I had yet to go through under some papers.

      “I’m not sure anymore,” Thor stated honestly. “Did you enjoy your time away?”

      “It was…an experience. I had intercourse a few times.” I scratched at my neck and pulled off my cloak. Naaki jumped from the sofa to my desk and then up her cat tree as Thor turned his head. “You’re good at kissing.” My words caused him to chuckle as I rounded the couch.

      “You are as well.”

      “I think we convinced a lot of people that we’re…serious.” I sat down, smoothing out my dress. “Are you certain you don’t wish to spar today?”

      “Not today.” Thor looked around Loki’s room and clenched his fists on his knees. I propped my arm up on the back of the couch to settle my head on my hand, hair tumbled over my shoulder as I watched him.

      “Hey, Thor,” I found my voice.

      “Yes?” He looked from his hands to the empty space ahead of him as I studied his profile.

      “There is something you should know.”

      “What is it?”

      “I am giving serious thought,” I leaned in, voice lowering, “to seducing you.”

      “Why?” Thor didn’t react and I blinked at him, my tone soft as I hummed.

      “To upset your father probably,” I searched for the words. “And perhaps…I wondered briefly if I could.”

      “That all?” Blue eyes cast themselves in my direction.

      “Yes, I just wanted to let you know.” I tugged at some fabric on my sleeve. “So I don’t.”

      “Could have asked,” he stated blankly.

      “I gave it some thought,” I let out a breath. “I only slept with a man and a woman while I was away. Separate occasions.” I shrugged and went on. “It…feels good. The sex. I never compared them either. To each other… Or to anyone else.” I didn’t state Loki’s name on purpose. “I don’t want to be Queen,” I rambled on then. “I really don’t.”

      “Well, often now, I don’t want to be K-” Thor’s eyes went wide when he caught himself and looked at me. "I've had one or two lovers as well. Good people."

      “Asgard too small for you?” I replied dryly, trying not to be choked up. “I know…or, I mean, I’ve  _known_. For a while.” I scooted closer and leaned back against the couch. “ _Gods_ , Thor, we’re in a mess. We’re trapped in Asgard and we’re in a damn mess.”

      “Yes,” Thor clasped his hands together. “We are.”

      “Did you see Herlof’s face after we kissed?” I managed a laugh and he smiled. “I thought he was going to drop to the floor.”

      “He will when he fights his opponent today,” Thor chuckled finally and I did with him while we shared a look. Sobering as I looked into his eyes, I cleared my throat.

      “Thor…” I paused and granted him my gaze still. “If giving you my body will bring you any form of ease…I am prepared to do that.” His eyes didn’t change much, but he took my hand to press his lips to my knuckles. He felt peaceful somehow. Like raindrops falling gently against roses. I tried to count in my head how many it would take to make the petals fall. My body shifted forward when his fingers traced under my chin to beckon me forward for a chaste kiss. Neither of us moved when we parted. His hands clasped over one of mine when I dropped my forehead against his shoulder. No, this wasn't romantic love. It was something greater.

      “Our bodies entwining is not the comfort we both seek right now.” Thor stated after a long moment of silence. "Perhaps, later." My other hand shifted to smooth across his as I leaned against him more, melting into him. We sat together in Loki’s bedroom, listening to the celebrations echoing outside. As the room grew dark around us, we merely held each other before the night swallowed us whole. This was just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weird not having Loki around. Again, love triangles are no. Casual affairs are fair game. Loki would agree lbh. I named this chapter after a song by Nina Nastasia. Can Octavia Spencer play Volstagg's wife, Gudrun, because she's also a goddess? Part two will be up! Thank you! All comments and kudos are so loved. :)


	25. Too Much in Between: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and the Lady push things further to prove they're together while she studies the Infinity Gems and her own abilities begin to take a turn. She continues to heal as best she can with help from an unexpected source in need of a like soul. A new enemy begins to enter the fold during studies on the gems. Threes guesses who. Asgard's free sexuality explored at a party after a battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sex with people who are not Loki. Heavy threesome smut scene. Major violence/gore content warning. Yes, the Lady enters into many different relationships but the story is 100% her and Loki. I've always liked that she lives/loves outside of him on her our journey. Avengers and Midgard ahoy after this! :)

      My work in Loki’s study continued as I memorized runes until my head ached. It took me two days to open the journal and I could scarcely read any of it. The handwriting was shaken and smashed together along illustrations. Naaki hopped down the stairs and dropped a gift at my feet, staring up at me with large eyes when I glanced over. 

      “What have I told you about taking your meals in here?” I set one hand on my hip before she nudged a dead mouse toward me.

      “ _Mrrow_ ,” the feline purred loudly and plucked up the carcass before hopping onto an empty shelf to chew on it.

      “Clean up after yourself, my sweet,” I heard the little bones crack as she gnawed eagerly. “I better not find another rat tail on my bed.” I flipped through a few pages. “Why is it so many sorcerers descend into madness before unlocking these secrets?” There was a picture of six messily drawn circles connected together by lines with one in the center and five spaced out. “If these are the stones… One is the Tesseract…the others I’ve barely heard mentions in tomes. The greatest power in the universe. They have to be kept separate because if they come together,” I pressed my palm against the table and realized the lines shaped like a hand. “If someone were to…wield them as one. It could mean the end or a beginning.” I rubbed my head and settled my jaw on my other hand, yawning idly. I didn’t know why I was studying this mess, none of it was useful to me. So, I thought. But, I was addicted. “In truth, my work on runes got me further. If only I had someone to practice on.” Naaki looked up at me with the mouse’s tail hanging from her mouth as she finished up. “Not you, of course.” I chuckled, sitting back. “I think the stones aren’t just sources of power. I think they’re…alive somehow. And if I know anything about life…it’s that it’ll do anything to protect itself. How would you protect yourself, my darling, if you did not have many means to? A raw soul with no body.”

      “ _Meow_ ,” her little voice squeaked and I nodded.

      “ _Mm hm_ ,” I nodded. “Exactly. You’d isolate and aligned yourself with someone who could…do the job for you. Use them just as they use you… An equal exchange for survival. Seems that’s all I’ve been doing these days.  _Ugh_ … Of course, this journal is all riddles and it’ll do me no use if I lose myself in such things.” I smacked it shut and pushed it away. “It isn't an accident that I'm studying this while the Tesseract reveals itself. More gems will follow...and more will reach out for them as I am now. I'm game for that. I can't...I need someone willing to practice runes on. Nothing…too hurtful…and here I am talking to an animal and considering experimenting on people. By the nine, I'm Loki.” Naaki jumped onto the desk and made herself comfortable on a warm panel that was softly emitting light.  _Where else in Asgard could I practice runes?_

      “Princess?” A voice beckoned from the world above and I jumped up, grabbing Naaki before I snuck up the stairs.

      “Yes?” I waved my hand to close and cover the door with ease.

      “Might I speak with you a moment?”

      “Come in.” I kicked a piece of carpet over with my foot when the door opened. “Alistair. What did you need?” I dropped Naaki on Loki’s desk and pretended to be interested in some papers on it. “I’m quite busy right now.”

      “King Odin has called a meeting for the warriors and I am to attend.” He merely stood in the doorway and I stopped what I was doing.

      “Right, I’ll go with you,” I made for the door and stopped in front of him when he didn’t move. Alistair rose his eyebrows expectantly and I realized it. “I can’t go because I am no longer a warrior…”

      “I simply wanted to make you aware. I won’t be long.”

      “I’m going,” I insisted before he could turn.

      “They won’t allow you inside.”

      “I think they will.” I pressed my lips together and Alistair scoffed when he realized I was going to be difficult.

      “How do you think-?” Alistair’s breath hitched when I grasped the front of his armor and tugged him fully inside my room. He came willingly and puffed for some air when I lightly pressed him against the wall. “What are you doing?”

      “Stay there…let’s see if I can still do this,” I shook out my hands and inhaled sharply. “You might want to look away for a second if this frightens you.” Alistair looked confused then his eyes grew big before he pressed himself into the wall when I grew close to the floor, transforming with what magic I could summon. In my familiar form as a cat, I stared up at him and blinked before trekking forward.

      “I am not doing this,” he looked more fatigued than anything. 

       _Oh, yes, you are,_  I thought. Sweetly, I pawed at his leg but he shook his head.

      “No, I’m going alone. If you must know what happens during it…I’ll simply tell you when I arrive back.” Alistair huffed when I got up on my hind legs and begged.

      “ _Meow_ ,” my large eyes watched him intently but he shook his head again.

      “I am not sneaking you into that meeting and that is final,  _brat_.”

      Next I knew, he was carrying me down the hallway.

      “I’ll stand in back and slip out right when we’re done.” Alistair cradled my furry body to his torso as I squirmed up his shoulder. “Don’t make a sound.” He caught up with the groups entering two double doors into the dim lit room I knew well. Instead of going down the stairs, my ever so doting guard shifted to the side and found a spot next to a pillar. I stared down at Odin and Thor below, both men stood behind a hologram of Asgard emitting from the floor. The doors shut and the King finally began to address us all after stamping his staff against the tiles.

      “As many of you know from couriers. Bandits have begun to pillage a town about an hour south of here.” Immediately, I knew the town be meant. It was large and full of training and health facilities. “Our defenses there are holding up but they require reinforcements. We have little time to plan but I will send teams of warriors and healers to provide necessary assistance. Frigga will inform the healers of their task before sending them off and Thor will lead the men and women chosen into battle. These enemies wield a variety of weapons not limited blades and hand cannons. We’ll ensure the security of the town, contain the attacks, and take down these foul beings by any means. Thor, you had something to say.”

      “Yes,” Thor cleared his throat. “We’re not sure how many days this will take but my mother and I have already organized the groups going in.” Alistair held me tighter when I wiggled in his grasp, sliding over his shoulder so I could jump down as Thor went on. Trying not to look panicked, Alistair slipped along the wall to keep up with me but I’d climbed a beam then jumped to a window. When I looked back, he shook his head and uttered a curse as I hopped outside. Sprinting in this form, I got to the healing room to see ladies already busying away to pack things up. After changing back around the corner, I raced into the room in search of Frigga.

      “So, you heard?” Moira spotted me as healers worked to help out any patients they had in other rooms while others moved bags around the area.

      “When are they departing?” I asked quickly.

      “Not as if you’re going,” she slid around me but I followed.

      “Okay, I deserved that.”

      “You don’t show up for days and suddenly you’re here when it suits you,” Moira spun and stalked toward me.

      “I needed to get away.”

      “I know,” Moira rubbed her head. “I’m not mad at you, per se. I’m just… We’re just busy here today and Faleen and I got into this stupid argument.”

      “What happened?”

      “She merely misses Vanaheim,” Moira sucked in her cheeks and bit and leaned on the counter next to her.

      "Are you okay?" I stopped her, hand touching her shoulder. Moira sighed and nodded.

      "Yes, we'll work it out. It's hard on her, not able to go home." She swallowed. "I'd know what that's like and I cannot...tell her."

      "She loves you, she'll understand." I offered and she nodded, changing the subject.

      “Have you spoken to Elise?”

      “We talk before dinner sometimes.” I nodded, shrugging.

      “Look, I know you’re trying your best to shut us all out for reasons that you’re going to realize are completely foolish.” Moira crossed her arms and paused when a healer opened the cabinet behind her. Lowering her voice, she leaned in and continued. “But, if I’m being honest, I think you should wise up and realize that a lot sooner…and don’t shut that girl out of all people. Think about it?” Moira touched my face and felt…disappointed as I nodded. “Now, I have to go prepare…we’ll speak later.” The thought kept me from speaking while she hurried away to help Asta behind me. Straightening up, I sniffled and went into another room when I heard Frigga’s voice.

      “Dear, you already know the answer,” she frowned at me.

      “Please,” I clasped my hands. “Let me go as a healer.”

      “They won’t allow it,” she insisted.

      “Then, let me hold an audience with Odin. When are you all leaving?”

      “An hour give or take,” she replied, sighing. “Why is this important to you?”

      “I can’t protect my friends the way I want to anymore,” I furrowed my brow. “Have you not realized that…? I just want to be there to protect the healers with what I can. And I miss battle. I do. There's another reason that's selfish and I think you know it.” Frigga watched my eyes and exhaled.

      “Come with me,” she beckoned and we quickly left the healing room together. “I’m going to show you in and you’ll make your case in a hurry. Be respectful and,” she pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, “you’ll need this.”

      “Why?” I tilted my head and she beckoned for me to hurry along beside her.

      “I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Her smirk was light and I rounded the corner only to bump into Alistair. This time, he caught me by the arms and didn’t look pleased.

      “You cannot just run off like that,” he hissed.

      “We don’t have time for this right now,” I pulled him along with me as I followed Frigga.

      “My Queen, forgive me,” Alistair could scarcely bow while I tugged at his arm.

      “Not easy is it?”

      “No, your majesty,” he stuttered, “I mean, yes, your majesty. What I’m trying to say is that I can handle anything thrown at me.”

      “I am not throwing myself at you,” I stopped and gave him a look of mock offense to tease him. Frigga paused by the double doors to watch us.

      “No, you’re engaged…happily… She’s happy with your son, the prince. What I really mean is that I-”

      “I’ve never seen you blush, Alistair,” I smiled and he realized my play, lifting his hand to point a finger at me.

      “Go easy on him,” Frigga gently spoke my name and I turned.

      “Frigga, I’ve been a  _dream_  to work with,” I sauntered to pass her, stuffing the handkerchief into my dress.

      “My darling,” Frigga opened the doors to allow me in. Odin was speaking with a few advisers and Thor near a large window. “She begged to speak with you about going with our healers.”

      “Father, I think it’s a good idea. She’s a former warrior and can ensure the security of our men and women dedicating their lives to the pursuit of healing.” Thor tried really hard for me as the three of us approached and I bowed low.

      “I’m afraid that it is not possible. I am sorry,” Odin knew I’d be coming to see him. Thor gave me a look of forgiveness and the group moved to pass me. Frigga touched my shoulder but I needed to do something before they got to that doorway.

      “Your majesty, I just…” I tore my brain apart for an explanation. “ _I just…_ ” Sniffling, I let my voice get choked up before a squeaky sob escaped my lips. Thor paused, causing the advisers to do so as well until Odin turned. “I want to protect the people I love…but I,” tears fell and I pulled the handkerchief out to weep into it. “I lost one man I loved in battle and the thought of not being there for Thor…my love, as he rides  _bravely_  into this fight.” I really played up the part of this weepy little thing and the advisers were buying it, softening up to me. “I just can’t stand the thought of sitting idly by while I could…while I could lose him. Or anyone else. My heart _beats_ for my prince.”

      “My love,” Thor marched forward and took my face. “I give you my word that I will return for you.” His touch almost shocked me. He felt like a liar. He’d said these words to Jane. The mortal. And didn’t keep them. The pain showed in his eyes but left him just as fast. He couldn’t let such things cloud his heart anymore. "I will return to your arms, I swear it."

      “Please, let me go with you. My heart cannot _bear_ this.” I sobbed, pulling at his clothes so I could bury my face in his chest.

      “Your majesty…” An adviser began. “Perhaps, it would look even better if she accompanied him. The dawn of a new age is on their shoulders, surely the people seeing them together…it could be inspiring.”

      “Thank you, sir,” I wiped my face and looked up at Thor with big eyes. Wanting to push Odin further, I let my gaze trail down Thor’s beautiful face before I began to lean in when he cradled the back of my head.

      “Yes! Fine.” Odin tried to contain his reply as I pulled from his son.

      “So I can go?” I asked, too quick, before remembering myself; sniffling somberly. Thor pulled me closer when I leaned into him, cracking “Your majesty?”

      “You’ll go with the healers,” he stated carefully, flicking his gaze between Thor and I.     

      “Oh, thank you… Thank you so much, my king,” I smiled widely and took Thor’s face to plant a kiss against his lips. He was a little surprised, but more amused. My tone was softer as I went on. “You’ve  _no_ idea what you’ve done…for us, of course.”

      “You should go prepare, my  _dear_.” Odin eased, fists tightening just a little. He had no time for my nonsense.

      “I’ll see you soon, my love,” my hands slid from Thor before I cast Frigga a look I knew she couldn’t read. I wondered if she regretted helping me. I wondered if she regretted pushing Loki and I together. Alistair followed me out and quickly got to my side as I hurried back to my room.

      “What are you playing at?” He muttered.

      “Nothing,” I turned to face him, smiling sweetly. “Just an opportunity to be with my lord fiancé. The town our King spoke of…I know it. Did you know that the Elders who survived the elf affair are all in states of recuperation there in a facility that our healers will be inhabiting? Such a small world we live in. They say that the remaining survivors went mad from the memories of what happened. Breaks the heart, really, not knowing that you sat next to four murderers for such a long time. Hey, I wonder if I’ll run into them at all? Can’t say I will,” I shrugged, eyes sliding to Alistair’s, “I’ll just be so  _busy_  with other things.”

      I’ll protect my friends with all that I am.

      But, that won’t stop me from experimenting with what more I could be.

      I needed answers.

** ** **

      If you asked me why I was playing Loki’s part. I couldn’t tell you. Perhaps, I wanted to be closer to him. But, mostly, I think I wanted to do it better. Somehow.

      After wishing Elise goodbye outside the palace, I met with the healers leaving on barges and suddenly I was off to another place. Fandral found me and coaxed me into a card game while we waited to arrive.

      “I’m going to win again,” I muttered, looking at Fandral across from me. “What are we at, Alistair?”

      “Six to four.” He watched me lean on the small table, sitting on the side between us. Warriors around us remained in their own conversations and Fandral smirked at me.

      “Try six to five,” he put his cards down, winking at my guard as he did so. Alistair merely stared and Fandral cocked his head to the side. “This one will give Hogun a run for his money.”

      “Try,” I set my cards down. “You just lost again.” Fandral leaned forward to study the cards and huffed.

      “My lady, are you cheating? Is she cheating?” He looked to Alistair.

      “I would not put it past her.”

      “I’m playing quite fair,” I raised an eyebrow and Fandral chuckled at me. “Why are you asking him?”

      “I have to pin you down on a barge headed toward battle to get you to sit and speak with me.” Fandral leaned an elbow on the table. “And I asked him because you’ve seen him more in the past six months than you’ve seen anyone else.”

      “Has it really been six months?” I wondered distantly and Fandral touched my hand through my glove.

      “How have you been?” Fandral had sat me down and gotten me comfortable again. “She give you a good run, Alistair?”

      “In more ways than one,” he exhaled and I rolled my eyes.

      “ _Oh_ , I do like him,” Fandral gave my hand an idle squeeze and I stared down at his fingers.

      “I’m…” I looked up at Fandral’s blue eyes and exhaled. “I’m fine.” My hand pulled from his before I stood. “I’ve been well. I should go see the healers…”

      “Right,” Fandral set his palm against his thigh. “We’ll talk later, yeah?”

      “Yes,” I lied. “Take care of yourself out there, Fandral.”

      “And you, my sweet  lady.” He didn’t try to stop me from retreating right now. Alistair followed me while I slid the metal door back and went into the hallway, bracing my hand against the wall as I walked along.

      “Are you well?” Alistair asked after a minute or two of quiet steps.

      “Yes,” I stated numbly, too focused on my own thoughts.

      I could take physical pain…and give it. I could touch the deepest parts of a soul.

      I couldn’t take emotional pain. I’d tried with Loki. With myself. With everyone suffering around me.

      But, I wondered if I could take other things. Twist them. Collect them.

** ** **

      “I need assistance here!” Elisif called me over to help hold a man in pain down, blood gushed from a cut across his chest. I pressed my hands to his shoulder while Elisif healed him and I beckoned the pain from him, my spine grew taut. I could hear the chaos outside as healers around me worked tirelessly to tend to the wounded. I helped out a man who lost his arm and a woman who lost an eye in battle. An explosion shook the room and a body covered me when Eir called for us to take cover.

      “Are you hurt?” Alistair called before another bang broke the window at the far end of the room. Two healers jumped to board it up as Alistair pulled me to my feet.

      “I’m fine,” I helped a man take a potion and tried to calm my heart. The night was falling and I prayed that some of this would quiet. Our numbers were effectively holding up the pillagers but they’d done a lot of damage. A body that was covered on a table behind Alistair began to rise and I tossed myself into him. “Look out!” A bandit disguised as one of our own had snuck in with the wounded and he lifted a dagger before I kicked him to the floor. Nazir thrust his sword forward and the bandit sagged in front of me. “Thanks for that.”

      “I’m glad you came,” he nodded, rushing to help elsewhere when I turned around to meet Alistair’s gaze.

      “I am also glad that I have you in my company, guard.” I clasped my hands together and passed him to organize a box of potions that had fallen.

      “We think it is winding down for this night and we’re setting up cots along this room. I need healers to check the other patients in this institution.” Eir set up her hands to call attention and a few healers began to move to go.

      “I’ll go as well, Eir,” I spun on my heels and Alistair stopped me, fingers shifting around my elbow.

      “Don’t do what I think you’re going to do,” his lips almost touched my ear. 

      “Only one way to find out,” my cheek pressed against his when I whispered and pulled from his grasp. Alistair watched me intently from the doorways as I moved down a hallway to check on people in their beds. I was all smiles and tender words of comfort until quieting when I came upon an old woman’s room. I looked up at Alistair and shut the door on him without a word.

      “Who is there?” She wept, face pressed against her pillow when her eyes darted to me. I locked the door and Alistair knocked.

      “We’re fine, Elder Salma.” I called. “Trust me... You always tried your best on the council. I'm certain you regret the...not knowing.”

      “Don’t I know you?” She looked upon my face, her aged hand lifting as I stood over her. I watched her, intent, before I smiled kindly.

      “No, my lady. You don’t know me. You will not after this for certain. May I sit?”

      “You’ve come for me,” Salma sputtered quietly. “Take me to the heavens. Please.”

      “Shh, it’s almost over.”

      “It hurts. Those eyes…those terrible black eyes. An endless void.” A bang sounded outside and she jumped so I sat on her bed and hushed her. I heard stories of what became of the rest of the council but this frail, frantic woman. I wasn’t prepared for this. “Don’t look!”

      “It’s alright…” I gave her a soothing tonic. “Let it all go.”

      “Please, take those eyes from me,” her hand grabbed for my wrist and pulled me forward, muttering to herself. “By passing days, we will always remember…his will has made us seen…the horrors.”

      “Beg me,” I breathed softer.

      “Take them,” she sobbed. “I don’t want them anymore. The black eyes. I want peace from them. Please. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She shook and wailed so I hushed her. “Kill me.”

      “No.” I replied forcefully before I planted my fingers against her temple and saw visions on Nerien.

       _Bursting in._

_Rage._

_Blood._

_Four bodies._

_Payment in full._

_Those eyes._

_Take them._

      “Is this truly what you want?” I already knew the answer. “There is no glory in this.”

      “I’m old…I want peace,” she came back to me. “Please…” Salma blinked at me and it dawned on her. “I remember you now.”

      “Yes. I've told you that you won’t after this, my lady, rest easy.” Focusing, I let the tendrils of my soul reach out and latch onto her own.

      I could learn to take other things, yes.

      I felt myself tug until my spine tightened and my ribs squeezed my insides together. Something was flowing out of her brain like little wisps of light into my fingertips. Gasping for air, I yanked away and she blinked once. Twice. Three times.

      “Yes?” Salma looked at me with a calmer expression. “Why am I here?”

      “There was an accident. An attack. You survived, my lady…”

      “The…The council…” She blinked. “Disbanded?”

      “Yes… Our King has put the rest of you into the care of this healing facility. Do you remember? I think that you’ll rest well after this.”

      “Oh?” She shook and leaned against her bed.

      “The shock of the attack has left some of you in various states of distress but I dare say that…you’re getting better every day.”

      “I wish to live out the rest of my days in my country home.” Salma went on as I checked her over. “I have grandchildren, you know?”

      “Yes, my lady.” I stood fully. “I am certain that your family will be happy to see you after this. Do you require anything more?”

      “No, no,” she waved at me in her daze. “You may go, young lady.”

      “Right, ma’am.” I stared at her for another moment before I turned and opened the door. My next exhale shook my entire body before I looked up at Alistair waiting for me.

      “What did you do?”

      “Well, it’s difficult to work when you’re pressed so closely to me. Honestly, Alistair.” I shook my head and went down the hallway. I’d done it. I’d pulled the very memories from her head. I bet anything I could put memories into one’s head but I knew in my heart I couldn’t go dabbling into such things. I’d lose myself to the endless void. I couldn’t be Loki. I must be strong and brave and never use my powers to take the agency of another innocent without their consent. I’d been telling so many lies, I couldn’t lose myself. Not again. I couldn’t be myself so I had to walk this line as long as I could. Alistair was gazing at me with a soft expression and I let my lips upturn at him slightly. “Do I worry you so?”

      “Not as much as you did. Think I might be used to you being vague and flitting off.”

      “Might not be a bad thing,” I shrugged and went about my work until the hallways grew darker.

** ** **

      The first day of battle was ended. From my cot on the floor, I could still hear the sounds outside. Just a distant echo here and there. Occasionally, I could hear the cannons. Healers slept only at certain times until we switched with those still working. In truth, I didn’t think many of us slept at all. I wasn’t. I thought about my friends out there and the fact that I hadn’t seen them in here yet was a good thing. The air smelled like fire and metal trickling slowly into the room. A bang vibrated the windows and I curled up at the sound, eyes lifting to see Alistair just a foot away on his own cot.

      “You awake?” I whispered.

      A beat. A sigh.

      “Yes, princess.” He opened his heavy eyes and traced the outline of my face with them.

      “Can I ask you a question?” I tried not to scoot closer to him.

      “Of course.”

      “You’re charged with protecting me…and I don’t think I need protecting from this battle but, I…” I paused and gathered myself when my heart began to beat quickly as the crashes outside continued. “If you so wished, I’d let you protect me from the sounds of battle.”

      “Do they frighten you so?”

      “That’s as specific as I’d like to be right now.” I could heard the bifrost crackling to pieces again just behind my ears in the place that voices would usually rise to torment me. Closing my eyes, I curled my body under the blanket I was in when Alistair shifted closer and reached out to touch my head. Security. Broad palms slid around my skin until they covered my ears. The fingertips were rough and warm against me. Inhaling sharply, I didn’t dare open my eyes to see him watching me so I kept them shut.

      “Would you like me to stop, princess?” Came his familiar phrase.

      “No,” my familiar answer followed.

      Immersing myself in him, I felt the happy memories of him and his family. Sisters laughing and teasing. The warm embrace of his mothers. The time when I bought him a sweet. I cradled the memories like they were my own for as long as I dared before the pull of sleep tugged me into murky waters.

** ** **

       The next day picked up with good news that the enemies numbers had dwindled. Thor was leading a team into the heart of battle with righteous fury, as I was told. A marvelous display, many had said later. Sif was the one to report to us, hours into the day that the battle had come to an end. We regrouped into town hall for a session of congratulations to all those who helped, as well as planning to get the town back on its feet. I smiled and held Thor close when I found him later.

      “What you said in the palace,” he chuckled, “did you really believe I’d not make it out?”

      “You? Never,” I shrugged. “You’re too…hm…”

      “Mighty and courageous?” He tried but I shook my head.

      “No, you’re a loud, pain. Skilled. But, a pain. I could hear you shouting for the first three hours of battle.” I stopped in a doorway. “Go, get cleaned up with the others. They’ll want me to help back at the healing facility. I hope you rest well tonight.”

      “I doubt that,” Thor scratched the back of his head. “They want to celebrate our great victory. I’m certain Fandral will coax me along.”

      “Fandral’s a bad influence,” I crossed my arms when someone appeared next to Alistair behind me.

      “You wound me, my lady. I’m glad to know someone was  _so worried_  about my returning,” Fandral kissed my cheek quickly and laughed when I shot him a look. With his arm slung around my shoulders, Fandral looked up at Thor. “You need to get out, my friend, you are coming with us.”

      “We’ll see.” Thor nodded to us and began to pace away.

      “No goodbye kiss for your beloved?” Fandral rounded me and I tilted my head.

      “There are too many nosy people around, like yourself.” I smiled sweetly when Thor paused.

      “What I’m saying,” Fandral drew closer. “Is that all those nosy people will think it  _strange_.” His hinting words caused Thor and I to stare at each other in realization. Of course so many were still skeptical. Thor and I needed to work more to convince them as word would get back to the palace and cause us more issue. We were politic dolls mashed together by children. All would watch us for the rest of our lives. I laughed it off when Thor kissed the side of my head before I changed the subject.

      “Where is everyone going?”

      “The mansion, hard to miss, down a hill a ways from here. I’m afraid you may not enjoy it as much as us. You know how these...types of parties are.”

      “Yes, I never indulged as a warrior. Don’t challenge me, handsome,” I nudged his side as I passed him. “See you later…oh, Fandral…I’m glad your face is still in one piece.”

      “Your words warm my heart, my lady,” he touched his chest and I chuckled, turning to leave him with my faithful guard at my side. I considered telling him that I was going to sneak out again tonight but he seemed to be in a good mood so I decided easily that I would not do that.

** ** ** 

      After hearing a group speaking about this party, I washed up when everyone had fallen asleep in a more comfortable area. Donning a green dress, I easily slipped out a side door and prayed Alistair remained in his slumber until morning. I did leave him a vague note that I knew he’d really enjoy so in truth, I did my part. A saw a few warriors laughing and walking together before I spotted Fandral pacing with Thor up ahead. Trying not to be awkward, I caught up with them and earned matching looks of surprise.

      “Where do you think you’re going, my lady?” Fandral covered his expression with a grin.

      “I want to go to the party,” I smiled wider at them both.

      “Where is Alistair?” Thor added, looking behind me.

      “About that…” I tapped one of my boots against the ground. “He doesn’t exactly know I’ve left. But, I have you two to protect me if need be so I’m fine.”

      “You know…” Fandral tried to find words. “My lady…this  _party_ …you must know that it isn’t like any other-”

      “Look, Fandral, I’m a big girl and I know what goes on at these… _festive_  occasions. If Thor and I don't appear together, we're doomed.” I cut over him bluntly and he looked to Thor.

      “Well, we cannot exactly tell my fiancé no,” Thor gestured to me. “You know to be careful.”

      “And if someone makes you uncomfortable, leave them and find us,” Fandral added, wagging his finger.

      “And do not let anyone give you a strong substance that will alter your mind,” Thor quickly nodded and I rolled my eyes.

      “ _Okay_ ,” I huffed. “The parental lecture is adorable but unnecessary. Everything for the future depends on Thor and I convincing the people.”

      “She is right. Asgard and our palace with eat us alive and lose what little faith they have if we do not. We must...convince them.” Thor shook his head and set his arm around my back. “Let’s go then.”

      “If anyone puts their hands on you and you dislike it…” Fandral went in instead and I laughed aloud, calming down for the first time in days.

      “Yes, Fandral, I know,” I insisted. “I know.”

** ** **

      The first hour consisted of me awkwardly tailing after Thor while we met with different groups of laughing people. He set a drink in my hand and introduced me to warriors and civilians from the city. Always referring to me as his lovely future bride. I could see skepticism on their faces and I knew Thor could as well. As we passed through rooms, people danced along the walls to loud music and dimmed candlelight. Quickly, I noticed that a few couples and groups where shamelessly in the beginning stages of sex. Sif was arm wrestling a group of people while others placed bets in one room and Fandral was flirting easily with any man or woman who approached him. Thor settled his broad arm around me kindly so I could lean on him while we sat on a sofa together. As people moved about rooms, Thor shifted next to me and cleared his throat.

      “So…are you having a good time?”

      “Yes, I never go to these, usually I just stay in pubs because...well, obvious reasons.” I nodded, staring down at my cup before I drank a hearty gulp of it. My voice lowered as people ignored us. I nudged my knee into his, causing him to settle his hand on my leg when I nodded. At times, our dynamic felt almost too natural. Built on respect and consent. “Should we kiss a bit to prove we’re together? It could also help your…reputation.”

      “Right.” Thor chuckled slightly. “You know I appreciate your assistance…I… Look, I know you’re doing a lot for me. As much as you can, at least. Don’t let it force you into anything.”

      “Your father will never believe us. Why do you think he’s let it go on this long?”

      “I thought I knew the answer but, I honestly do not anymore. I believe he’s somewhat contented that I’m…here…somewhere. But, I know that if we lose the advisers, the court, and the people… The result could ruin everything. We have to be everything they want and need. If the highest gods cannot continue on...” Thor stared ahead of himself and drank his ale.

      “...the rest of the realms shall burn... Does it bother you that I slightly enjoy Odin's…discontentment at us? Not because I wish to use you as a toy. Granted, your father is likely as stressed as we both are.” I paused and smirked a little before I answered my own question. “I can’t help but wonder if it brings you comfort because I remind you of Loki at times. Of course, I’m not trying to antagonize you. I think I’m trying hard to be honest when I can. We're coiled together because Loki can live on somehow between us. We can touch him at last.”

      “You are not,” Thor looked from his drink to the window ahead of us. “You are not antagonizing me, I mean.”

      “Do you feel like you’re…cheating on her when you’re with me? I know you think about her still. I don’t blame you. Just an observation.” I turned my head and Thor glanced at me with large blue eyes finally.

      “Even if the bifrost was fixed, I could not be with her. When I met Jane, I...I know something important touched my life. Still, I'm certain. I just...I'm far away from figuring it. Asgard needs me. The realms need me. This chaos. It won’t end tonight, or tomorrow, or anytime soon…not after what happened six months ago.” Thor paused and summoned his strength. “Do you often feel that same way, but about Loki?”

      “I thought I would but…I think I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that…he’s dead. Physically so. I thought at first that I was using the sex to get over him. But, that moment passed long ago. Now I’m using it for myself alone. Comfort perhaps still. But…do you ever allow someone to use you because you can. Because you just want to feel something and letting another use you just fills a void for a beat in time…and because it almost feels like your using them right back. Not maliciously…” I stopped but forced myself to go on. “Being with you or anyone else doesn’t lessen my love for your brother. But, I find myself thinking about how he would feel if he saw me today. He’d be furious. Not about the fact that I am with you…but at my…actions. I feel like I’m back at the start of trying to build myself up again. Pretending to be some shadow of what I once was to get through this and…I just don’t want to anymore. I tasted bravery when I fought Loki and I want that much back. I feel like I’m too tired to care sometimes. We…We shouldn’t be talking about this here.”

      “No. But, just know that I, too, am having to revert back to…my old self…just to prove to others that all will be well.” Thor finished his drink and stared at the empty cup before closing his eyes and smashing it against the wall. “ _Another_!” He called out so that people clapped and cheered for their golden prince. I downed mine and tossed it with his before I joined him.

      “Another!” I forced a laugh and Thor just looked truly  _empty_  on the inside for a long moment. I leaned over to touch his face, wishing I could take the pain before my lips grazed his ear. “I’m so sorry. I’m here with you.” Thor put his arm around my waist tightly and I stayed there. This year was as hard on him as it had been on me.

      “I cherish you,  _my darling,_ ” he muttered after a moment of careful thought.

      “I cherish you as well,  _Thor_.” Not in the way we should. But, there was love here regardless. Thor struggled often with his words.

      “May I kiss your neck?” He asked and I nodded before his beard scratched against me.

      “We have to lay together here. Tonight. Don’t we?” My voice shook and he paused, leaning back to look at my face.

      “It is looking that way.” Thor’s reply was quiet and honest. “Should we stop?”

      “If we fail to convince them all…they will tear us apart. I will go to prison for treason and you will never be free in the way you wish again.” I smiled sadly at him.

      “Yes.” Thor didn’t lie.

      “I won’t let that happen to you.” I stopped and touched his face. When I felt loved once more, I found my voice. “Kiss me again.” Asgardians went on about the room and we kissed for a while. I let him hold me close and ran my fingers into his blond locks, parting for air before coming in for another slow kiss. He felt nice against me. Warm. I could have let him keep me. But, I opened my eyes to see Sif enter the doorway and pause stiffly.

      Thor resumed kissing my neck and I locked eyes with her, sorrow etched into my features.

      Sif was one of our greatest warriors. She wasn’t reduced to her feelings for Thor. She loved him, yes, and she respected him. Despite all that, looking at her made me feel like scum. Thor was too good for me, either way. She knew in her heart that Thor and I were faking some feelings for each other but that would not make up for this mess of a situation. So I felt…guilty. Sif turned with her drink in hand and left just as I pulled from Thor’s tender kisses.

      “I think…we convinced them well enough for now,” I gave his shoulder a pat and pressed my lips together. “I should allow you to celebrate some without me on your arm.”

      “You know, I’m not kissing you because I feel sympathy for you. Yes?” Thor spoke when I stood up. I tried not to smirk. Briefly, I considered telling him about my abilities.

      “Yes and I appreciate that. I want you to have some fun.”

      “About convincing them…” He began reluctantly.

      “We'll do it when we want to at least…not just because we have to  _for them_. Agreed?” I held out my hand and Thor chuckled before shaking it. Our connection strengthened.

      “Agreed.”

      “Go, enjoy yourself awhile with others,” I waved my hand and fixed my dress before leaving him there. A group invited me to watch two men wrestle drunkenly outside while they made bets on who would pass out first. That was enjoyable enough but didn’t last long in the snow. Next, I watched a woman with amazing strength beat a bunch of warriors at a drinking game. I counted at least forty cups smashed against the wall and five people vomiting before it ended. How this mansion would recover after this was beyond me.

      “Oh, did I miss out on who won?” A woman appeared next to me with a neutral expression.

      “I think in this game, there isn’t much of a winner,” I joked lightly and she chuckled.

      “Not the next morning at least,” she agreed with a shrug. Her long hair was near white and a third of it was shaved on one side, contrasting the red hue of her lips. “You see the idiots trying to race beetles outside?”

      “No, I’m sorry I missed that one though,” I leaned against the wall next to me.

      “Got a name, sweetie?” I liked the dry sound of her voice. There was something rough in it.

      “Most here know me as Thor’s fiancé.” I tilted my head and she hummed in response, her black dress rustling when she shifted.

      “Well, _Thor’s fiancé,_  what can I call you?” When I told her my name, she curled her fingers into mine and repeated it. If I had to describe her soul, I would use the word  _absolute_. No maybes. Just words like  _completely_  and  _totally_  etched into her frame. I simply liked how her soul felt next to mine. “What is your name?”

      “Dahlia. Like the flower. I hate it.” She made a face and shrugged.

      “You get a lot of people saying,  _oh_ , pretty name for a pretty girl?” I snickered and she nodded. “I like it. Not many people name their children after that particular flower. No offense to all the Roses and Lilys in our world, of course.”

      “You a  _positive_  beam of light all the time?” Dahlia leaned her shoulder next to mine. She was taller than I by a bit and had a stronger frame.

      “Gods,  _no_ ,” I glanced out at the people around us. “You can probably tell by glancing at my face though.”

      “I am looking at your face, quite intently, if you had not noticed.” Her words caused me to blush. “You looked in need of saving from this buffoonery.”

      “I…” I cleared my throat. She was good. “Right.”

      “They’re serving drinks in the other room,” she gestured toward the door with her head. “Care to accompany me?”

      “I’d like that.” We squeezed through people engaging in all sorts of activities before she poured me a mug and then got one for herself.

      “You don’t end up at these often, do you?” Dahlia raised her brow, watching me apprehensively eye people in the room.

      “You could say that,” I sipped my drink. “You could also say that this is my first official one. Countless battles and I show up to a party a few thousand years late.”

      “Suppose they get old after a while,” she replied, leading me into another area with an empty sofa. I sat down after she did and the warriors on the other side of the room were too focused on their loud game of cards to pay us any attention.

      “Why are you here then?” I wonder aloud.

      “Can’t miss out on a good celebration after a battle regardless. Something to do to pull focus.”

      “What do you do? Warrior? Healer? All of the above?” I brought my legs up and leaned back against the cushions.

      “Warrior. My parents are blacksmiths. Made every spear and shield I’ve ever carried.” Her fingertip ran the rim of her mug before she turned toward me, scooting closer. “These parties seem long but they’re shorter than you think. So we can skip the niceties as we won’t likely be seeing each other after this. A true shame.”

      “I’d  _really_  enjoy that. Skipping the niceties, I mean.” I admired the heavy makeup around her eyes that must have taken forever to perfect.

      “Tell me something secret and terrible about you.” Dahlia asked then, lips splitting into a grin.

      “I’m considering destroying a man’s life to help another.”  _Again_.

      “Would he deserve it?” She asked without batting an eyelash.

      “If he keeps making the same choices I see him making…then yes.” I brought my elbow up onto the couch. “I know it isn’t for me to say…but I care not about that, I'm volatile. Unstable. What does anything matter?”

      “Hot-headed are we?”

      “Increasingly.” I exhaled softly. “Tell me something about you.”

      “I come to these parties for a thrill of some sort. Used to be the substances but they don’t interest me anymore,” Dahlia brushed a hand into her hair. “Usually, I enjoy the company of a lover or two. Does that bother you?”

      “Your body is your business. Sex doesn’t ruin women. Elder men saying that it does is more the issue.” I chuckled when she tapped our mugs together.

      “I’ll drink to that.” Her smile pulled me in and I nodded. “Tell me something else about you.”

      “I have power that I cannot tell my loved ones about and it could ruin everything I have built. I think I want it too some days.”

      “The power is ruining you?” She inquired and I shook my head.

      “No, just me. I am following a path that I am...uncertain of.” I gave a breathless laugh and gulped down some of my drink.

      “My advice? Stop dragging your feet and run with it all.” She touched my leg and I shrugged. “You have it for a reason.”

      “You’re so right. I’m…working on it. I can’t tell if I’m being too selfish or trying to genuinely figure myself first. Or both.  _Ugh_.”

      “I understand that someone in your situation has a lot of people to impress. Being engaged to the heir will do that. All I can say is that often you have to do exactly what your instincts tell you. Now, I’m not saying to send your fist into the face of every idiot that annoys you. Pick your battles. But, say, someone were to bring the fiercest rage you’ve known out of you…a little screaming in their face might be better than silence. These people want you to be something but, you're still in charge. Let them feel the heat until their eyes burn from their skulls.”

      “Tell me something else about you,” I laughed fully, shaking my head. “I’ll keep your words in mind.”

      “I enjoy gambling before sex.” Dahlia stood, offering me her hand. “Want to watch them play dice in the main room?” Accepting the offer, our fingers laced and I took the lead when we left the room.

      “ _Yes_ ,” I laughed aloud at the Asgardians sliding down the stairs on a board as I tugged her along with me. They crashed into a table and everyone froze when they got to their feet and cheers began. “Are they okay?”

      “Likely not. They’ll find out in the morning,” she chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand as we walked the hallway. We joined a group playing a game with dice and bets, claps and hollers sounded after every win. “Care to offer some good luck?” Dahlia grasped the dice and held her hand toward me until I pressed my mouth to her fingers briefly. She won some money after tossing them and kissed my cheek in turn. I tried to focus on the game, but steered my gaze away after a few rounds of laughter. Dahlia told me stories from the battle and realized after a bit that I was elsewhere. “You okay, honey?”

      “Yes, it’s just been an odd night.”

      “You’re telling me,” she scooped some gold pieces into her pocket and settled her hand on my thigh when the game went on. “Want to get some air?”

      “Yes,” I exhaled and got up, helping her with me. The snow outside was beginning to harden along the cold night. “So, tell me something else about you?”

      “I like your breasts in that dress.”

      “Thank you,” I chuckled a sound that hitched up. “I do as well. I like yours…and I like your hair.” When Dahlia came close to me, I lifted my hand to brush her temple. I liked the way she felt, even now. Free and outspoken. There was desire. She wouldn’t betray me. I could feel that much. I adored women. I found my tiny voice again when she leaned in. “I have to sleep with Thor tonight.”

      “Have to?” She inched back and tilted her head.

      “Not that I’m being forced to and…not that I do not want to in some strange way. But if we lay together  _here_ … Publicly. Well, the palace will back off of us by a lot. He knows that as well.”

      “How do you know?”

      “I just do. We have to commit. We've taken too long.” I smiled, fingers twitching. “Does that repel you from me?”

      “No,” Dahlia came forward and kissed me softly, hand cradling my face. “I came toward you knowing you had a…whatever Prince Thor is to you. Just know that the people who know you both are playing at something…well, not all of us are here to ruin that. Or judge it. I have a brother who fancies men. When we were younger, we stayed with our grandparents a lot and had to hide the fact that he had a male partner while I had a girl partner. So, we would switch partners in public for show. Bit of a fun game really. I love men but, I also love women. You ever been with a woman?”

      “Few times,” I glanced up at the stars.

      “Are you still with me after the short hours because you’re interested?” She wondered, leaning on a thin pillar.

      “You made me laugh and smile without force, I like to be amused,” I shrugged and she smiled, eyes flickered from me briefly.

      “Do people ever ask you about what happened to your face?”

      “Never,” I scoffed. “Always think of outrageous stories to tell like I was standing under some sharp icicles or a flock of birds attacked me or…or I got cut in some salad tossing incident in the palace kitchens. Hell, I don’t know. Not that it ever has the pleasure of coming up.” When I shrugged, she laughed aloud and covered her mouth.

      “Charming, dark thing,” she mused, “are you?”

      “Suppose so.” My eyebrow quirked up. “One of my many  _great_  attributes.”

      “Well, while your group is here celebrating. Might not be so bad to actually  _celebrate_  the win. Would you not agree?” Narrowing my eyes at her, I allowed myself to smirk lightly.

      “I think you’re right,” I took Dahlia’s hand.

      “Bring your fiancé,” she whispered into my ear. “It’ll be fun.” Inside, more and more people were beginning to engage in acts of sex. Both behind doors and not. I passed a room and couldn’t count the group of naked bodies in there. I felt shy in a way. Our society was rather casual about such things in the right setting. Or in most settings. These parties happened often throughout Asgard, especially after victories. Loki and my friends always spoke of them. I found Thor in a room that was still full of people gambling, sitting all alone on a couch with a mug of ale. People glanced over at us so I got into his lap and kissed him in greeting.

      “I made a friend,” I giggled and introduced Dahlia to him, she touched his arm and he didn’t stop her. We gambled and drank here and there, laughing with the other people in the room. Hours passed and Thor was laughing loudly at a story Dahlia was telling us. The music drowned a lot out and I leaned against Thor when his arm settled around my waist as one man reveled in a battle tale across from us. Dahlia watched me lean to Thor’s ear as people went on around us. “I want to do this, if you do. Your move, my prince…just know…you cannot take anything that wants to be given already.” Thor continued to watch the man telling a story but he smiled idly and nodded before raising his glass.

      “My friends,” he called, “let us toast to another grand victory!” Everyone else raised their mugs and cheered before we all drank. Thor pulled me closer by the waist and kissed my cheek. He felt a little scared but more…certain than anything.

      We could comfort each other.

      I wanted to.

      So did he.

      I wouldn’t beg forgiveness anymore. Not tonight.

      If there are higher powers above us. Norns or otherwise...they've never listened for me.

      I could hold on for another night and the rest that followed. Thor would pull me up the ledge and then I would do the same. Forever. Until we resolved this.

      Dahlia’s fingers ran the length of my shoulder and Thor pulled me from the room in a suggestive motion that everyone caught as I giggled. I grabbed Dahlia’s hand, squeezing, and we all laughed joyfully, moving up the stairs and passing Asgardians who eyed us closely.

      “In here,” Dahlia tugged at me until we went into a room with many heavy drapes hanging from the ceiling to separate the space. Many blankets and cushions covered the floor of the sections and I could hear lovemaking from the ones already closed. “Wine?” She picked up an unopened bottle in a crate of ice and I nodded before we found an empty area in the corner and closed the heavy drapes behind us. I got comfortable against the wall and kicked off my shoes, curling up into Thor.

      “You ever believe we’d get here?” He muttered and I merely laughed.

      “No.”

      “Despite the circumstances, you both look rather good together.” Dahlia sat on my side, shrugging before she popped the bottle open.

      “She’s okay,” I assured Thor and he shrugged his shoulder briefly.

      “I trust you,” he mumbled.

      “More wine?” Dahlia offered me the bottle after having some before I gulped greedily, handing it to Thor next. He downed it in a few drinks and she chuckled at us. “By the Norns, you both are nervous.”

      “I don’t know what you mean,” I quirked up my brow, sarcastic.

      “I watched him run face first into battle mere hours ago.” She replied, nodding toward Thor. “Bring that heat into this room, my prince.”

      “I don’t want to destroy this place, my lady,” Thor offered, amused completely.

      “Should we settle rules or go with what feels natural? You know, I’ve helped my share of couples in this area? I think I’m quite good. They won’t question either of you after this.” Dahlia leaned back on her hands and I shook my head.

      “Let’s pretend that no one else exists. To hell with them all. I’m here for more than that now.” I waved my hands and Thor grew serious.

      “You are?” He kept up his guise before breaking with a laugh, patting my back when I rolled my eyes. “I do have a question. We should speak about possible contraception.”

      “I like him. Men never bring that up prior,” Dahlia smiled fully. “I have it all covered.”

      “As do I. It’s an easy potion. Lasts a while.” I looked up at Thor when he nodded, eyeing me before I grinned and got him to smile in return.

      “Now, would you both like to enjoy this town’s hospitality? Surely, I must thank you for bringing security back to us.” Dahlia touched my shoulder and I found myself thinking that Fandral would just die if he knew I was here now. “Do you find yourselves responsive to each other?”

      “I…I’m not sure how to answer that,” I chuckled nervously when Thor looked at my face.

      “Don’t be bashful,” she pulled me up to sit on my knees as she got behind me. “Do you like her?”

      “She’s… _erm_ …she’s beautiful,” Thor touched the back of his neck. My stomach warmed up.

      “You are handsome…” I offered, trying not to be awkward. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

      “But, he is yours right now…” Her hands smoothed up my back. “And you, in turn, are his. Yes?”

      “Yes,” I felt her lips touch my neck.

      “Might I touch you now?” Dahlia whispered and I nodded, blinking at Thor before she unlaced part of my dress so the top drooped lower. I watched Thor shift to the side and breathed slowly before she pulled the sleeves down, my undergarment showing. Thor stared at me and inched forward, eyes becoming heavier.

      My heart picked up.

      Moans and breathes sounded next to us, lingering in the air against the music pouring in from downstairs. Lamps dimmed. Dahlia was talking as she palmed my breasts through the fabric before her fingers curled under the cups to lift them up, exposing me. Cool air caressed my body and she was still speaking when Thor’s lips found the hollow of my throat. For the first time, I felt absolute sexual desire billow off him. For me. My head fell back to offer my lips to the woman behind me, which she accepted to drink in my moan as Thor’s hands cupped my breasts.

      Fingers pressed around my ribcage to pull me forward, I didn’t fight the heat in my stomach and moaned when his mouth closed around one nipple.

      My fingers tugged at Dahlia’s dress before she leaned around me to kiss Thor deeply.

      I pulled him toward me after to steal his breath.

      Coming back to myself, I helped Thor out of his outer layers and turned to press Dahlia against the cushions so I could kiss her for a moment. I didn’t ignore any subtle touches or breathes from either of them. Thor’s arms wound around me to hold me closer to him.

      “Open your eyes,” Dahlia mumbled, sitting up to kiss me quickly.

      I did.

      “Tell him what you desire now.”

      “Touch me,” I replied meekly. Thor was good to me. Just careful enough. Dahlia’s lips left a mark against his chest and he laid me against the floor so she could tug off the rest of my clothing. Thor was clearly aroused and straining slightly when I let my fingers trace down his chest, covered in rough blond hair that trailed into his pants. He kept toying with my breasts, calloused hands teasing the nipples to hard buds. Dahlia tugged at the laces of his pants as he played with me, her head dipped between his legs and I caught his moan. She snuck between us to straddle me, my hands pulled her dress off deftly before her tongue slipped between my lips. Thor laid on his side, caressing us as we carried on until I slipped one arm around her back and flipped her over.

      “Very good.” Dahlia chuckled between kissing us both. “You’re getting into it now.” Thor was trailing his lips over my shoulder blade, leaning in and I felt his arousal drip against my skin. She moaned when I kissed down her body and between her legs. I remembered doing this to Loki in his female form and the way soft legs twitched much like her thighs right now. After tasting her, I sat up and captured Thor’s lips roughly. He took my face and felt charged so I let my fingers trail down his chest until they brushed his cock. Thor’s breath hitched when we pulled apart and I stared at him in intrigue before grasping him to begin stroking. We looked into each other’s eyes and I felt his need for release. Dahlia was biting gently into his neck behind him, hands scratching across his skin. I watched them kiss for a long moment, exploring each other before my eyes trailed to Thor’s thick muscles, taut under his skin. Exhaling, I leaned down on my hands and slowly took him in my mouth while he was distracted. Hips jolted toward me and I let my eyes lift to Thor when he looked down at me with parted lips. He cupped my jaw when my tongue slipped over the leaking slit in his tip. He pumped slowly into my mouth, his girth caused me to strain a bit as I pleasured him. Dahlia reached down to tuck my hair behind my ear, whispering in Thor’s ear.

      “She’s pretty, don’t you think?” Her lips grazed Thor’s jaw when his head fell back. I came up, licking my swelled lips before I leaned back against the soft furs under me. “Looks lonely too.” Dahlia came forward first, lowering her hot mouth against my opening and I arched. She lifted her hips, offering herself to Thor and he accepted as they began to trust against me. My gaze lifted to the ornate ceiling, moonlight dusted it from a cracked window above. I sighed and moaned and closed my eyes when pleasure washed over my body, climaxing against Dahlia’s tongue.

      The light reached down for me like a mighty hand and I wanted to lift my own so I could curl my fingers around it and be taken away.

      But, I blinked and the moment was over.

      Thor’s hand reached around Dahlia’s hips to finished her off until she crawled forward to lie atop me a moment. Rolling over, she beckoned for the prince after sliding her fingers between my thighs again to part my folds. I saw the blue of his eyes briefly before they disappeared.

      “Thor!” My cry slipped out just as his tongue did against me. I liked the way his beard teased my thighs while his strong hands tugged my hips closer so he could suckle my sensitive flesh. I writhed and bucked against his mouth obscenely and  _gods_ , he was good at this. Dahlia chuckled as she held me open for him and he gripped my thighs to keep them wide apart. After a long moment of teasing, he came up and kissed my cheek, positioning himself.

       I remembered Thor’s name falling from my lips again when he thrust inside me. He leaned over me to put his lips against my jaw and Dahlia fell from my line of sight as she kissed Thor’s neck and shoulder on the other side of me. My limbs curled around him to hold him closer, fingers tangling into his hair. As he moved, I watched the light above me and reached out toward it but it did not reach back. I held Thor to me like we were actual lovers going somewhere after this and my vision blurred, obscuring the beauty above me. Neither of my partners noticed the tears that I didn’t allow to fall before I shook and buried my face into Thor’s hair. The emotions swirling within me finally rose just a bit.

      “ _Hold me closer_ ,” I breathed and his biceps enveloped me before he lifted to his knees. With newfound fervor, he continued thrusting and held me up with ease. My head tumbled back with a soft moan as my breasts bounced when he grew rougher.

      “Allow me, my lord,” Dahlia’s voice was in my ear before her hands squeezed my breasts. Fingers wandered between my legs and I cried out, everything sensitive and tightening up before Thor groaned when he began to come inside me. Whining aloud, I twisted and a smaller orgasm tightened my bones and muscles. Thor let his head fall against my chest but the moment was short lived when I maneuvered him on his back and laid next to him. Breathless, I began to pump him in my hand again until Dahlia took over, mounting him and sliding down eagerly. One of Thor’s arms swiped me closer so we could kiss while she rode him, shamelessly moaning his name out. Twitching and wet, I reached down to where their bodies met and elicited moans as I pleasured them. Thor’s hair fell around his face as his back arched when he gripped her hips tightly. They rocked together and I laid on his arm, kissing his neck and chest so I could keep our souls together for as long as I dared. I felt their bodies seize together before she collapsed against him and exhaled outwardly. Dahlia shifted off him and got to my other side.

      We breathed in perfect sync for only a moment.

      “Have fun, sweetie?” She whispered against my neck and I hummed blissfully in response.

      “You?”

      “Yeah,” she chuckled. “I did.” When I looked up at Thor, he was already gazing at me.

      “What about you… _my king_?” I felt his hand touch the back of my head, beckoning me to his chest and I felt the heart within it. Dazed and comforted.

      “Yes.” Thor’s body was slicked in sweat as sheets were pulled around our bodies. “Rest.”

      We did. Together.

** ** **

      Blinking, I awoke first between two bodies huddled into me. I remembered the events of last night and touched my chest like I could read my own emotions with no avail. Thor and Dahlia were breathing softly and looking positively radiant. Quietly, I sat up and gathered my clothing before I dressed. With the sheets moved off him, Thor’s naked body glowed in the light. Too good for me. Always too good. I smiled only a bit and bent down to kiss his cheek then Dahlia’s just as her eyes opened.

      “Awakened with a kiss,” she mused, sitting up. “Feeling alright?”

      “Never better,” I exhaled and touched Thor’s temple to glimpse the green eyes he was dreaming of for just a moment before he woke.  _Me too, Thor. Me too_.

      “Time for us to go,  _fiancé_ ,” I beckoned in a slight jest while Dahlia dressed casually behind me.

      “I do hope our paths cross once more,” she leaned down and captured my lips briefly. “My prince.” She nodded and Thor returned it. “Good luck…both of you. Sounds like more people are getting up. It’s early. Go out the back if you don’t wish to be bothered.”

      “Take care.” I offered, picking up my shoes to carry.

      “And you.” Then she was gone from sight and I glanced back at Thor pulling his boots on.

      “Shall we?” I watched him nod and stand before offering me his hand, which I accepted and felt a wave of tenderness. “You’re good at sex too.” I muttered as we quietly tip toed down the stairs. “Really good.”

      “And you,” he snorted slightly at me. I carried my shoes as to not make a sound while we stepped over covered bodies in silence. Briefly, I caught sight of Fandral packed between four others curled together. “This way.” Thor pulled open a back door and paused once we’d gotten outside. “Damn. Left my cloak in the main room. Wait here.” He turned and I dropped my heels to sit on the stairs so I could put them on. The morning was frozen over with snow that had yet to melt, most of it turning to hard ice. Exhaling against the cold air, a voice beckoned me up before I caught a women standing near a tree ahead of where I sat.

      “Mother…?” I breathed, confused and suddenly I was rising to go to her. “ _Mommy_?”

       _“I’ve missed you…”_  She turned, eyes eerie before she smiled slowly at me.  _“I told you I’d come for you. Did you miss me? Oh, darling, you should have stayed inside…you’ll catch your death out here.”_

      “What?” I blinked when a voice called my name behind me before Thor took my arm to turn me.

      “…You’re not wearing shoes,” his voice became clear and I shook myself from my daze. “What are you doing over here?”

      “I…I thought I saw...nothing.” Slowly, I turned and saw nothing along the snow before I gave a shaken breath. “I don’t know.” Thor picked me up and my feet felt like I’d just walked over needles.

      “Let’s get your shoes on,” Thor set me on the porch stairs and pushed my heels onto my feet. “Listen, what happened last night-“

      “Last night was fine,” I insisted softly and he looked up at my face. “I’m hungry…are you hungry?”

      “Starving,” Thor smiled for me and helped me to my feet. “I know a place.” His arm shifted around my shoulders to pull me toward him and we walked in silence until we got back to town.

** ** **

      Fandral found us first with tired, satisfied eyes before he squeezed in next to me without asking.

      “You both will not believe the night I had,” he pulled the fork from my hand and took a bite of my breakfast, causing me to growl slightly.

      “Try us,” Thor spoke for me as I smacked Fandral’s hand and got my fork back.

      “ _Wait_.” It dawned on him before he looked between us as Thor ravaged his food eagerly. “No… It cannot be. People were...talking. I thought it another false rumor.” He got up and pushed his way next to Thor to smell him, which wasn’t appreciated as Thor set his free hand against Fandral’s face to push him back.

      “Fandral, don’t be weird this early,” I set my chin on my palm and yawned.

      “I can smell your perfume on him.” He smacked his hand on the table. “You didn’t?!”

      “You know, we made a deal. First man to harass us will be left to walk when we leave here.” Thor pointed his fork briefly before continuing with his meal.

      “Thor’s right,” I joined in. “Nice knowing you, friend.”

      “I’m sure I’d catch a ride with someone else as it seems like you both rode each other into a fortnight.”

      “ _Fandral_!” Thor and I piped up at the same time.

      “I just…didn’t think,” Fandral sat back and lean his arm on Thor. “I’m not sure how I feel.”

      “Thor, we forgot that Fandral’s feelings are an equal part in this relationship,” I droned on and Thor snorted.

      “Well, are you both…together?” Fandral tilted his head.

      “Considering we’re engaged,” I replied, raising my brow.

      “No! I mean, you know what I mean,” he looked up at Thor’s grumpy expression and leaned off him finally.

      “Not like that…it’s complicated. No, it’s simple, but I’m too tired to get into this now. The people will be glad to know I've pleased and mounted his royal highness.” I hissed through my teeth and huffed, leaning back. “How about you ignore us and tell us about your night, Fandral? Looked like your limbs were twisted together.”

      “Well, to start, I have learned my body can contort in a varieties of ways with the help of-”

      “Princess!” A voice caused me to groan before I looked up at Alistair marching my way. “What do you call  _this_?” He gestured at our matching expressions of confusion.

      “…Breakfast?” I smiled nervously.

      “We talked about this,” he strained his jaw.

      “I woke early…and met my fiancé for breakfast,” I lied coolly and Thor nodded, mouth full of food. “Fandral’s just here to annoy us. So you can continue to pout at me or sit down.” Alistair ruefully lowered into the spot next to me. “I’m now realizing that I should have found Sif or Moira because they’re better company than this lot.” Thor nodded mutely with a slight chuckle before Fandral crossed his arms. “Fandral, you were talking about contorting?” Idly, I passed my apple to Alistair and Fandral’s gaze swept between us.

      “Right. Yes, anyways…” He continued his story with newfound vigor and I enjoyed the morning as best I could, smiling just a bit when Thor and I locked eyes before he did so in return. We could keep protecting each other.

** ** **

      When we all returned to the palace, I skipped the festivities they held to stay in my room. People were different toward Thor and I, we knew word had reached them about the events prior. The court was almost kinder to me. Odin was his stiff self and Frigga took one look at me and knew the truth. I expected her to seek me out for a talk later. But, now…perhaps I’d work on me.

      “Elise,” I called down the hallway near my room. She bowed to me and I caught up with her after having posted Alistair at my door. “Where are you going?”

      “I just checked to ensure that your chambers where cleaned well and your cat was fed. Forgive me, I’ll go.”

      “You don’t…have to,” I stopped her again and her eyes lifted to mine. “I realize that I haven’t been around much lately and I wanted to apologize to you.”

      “Oh?” Elise nodded, clasping her hands and the metal gleamed in the moonlight.

      “Would you like to talk in my room…about anything?”

      “Yes…okay,” she reluctantly followed me. “Do you trust me still?”

      “I never stopped trusting you,” I peered at her before closing my door, shutting Alistair outside. “Which is why you should know that Heimdall cannot see into this room. Loki’s magic…it’s still here.”

      “Is that possible…even after death?” Elise peered at me. Naaki jumped up on my bed to greet us.

      “Honestly, I’m not certain. The only other powerful sorcerer I know is still very much alive and I do not wish to ask her about it.” I smoothed my dress before sitting down and gesturing for her to follow.

      “Is his magic why they don’t know you killed my brother?” Elise touched her stomach, not having stated the words aloud before.

      “Partly,” I didn’t lie. “We don’t have to discuss this.”

      “Did he feel pain when he died?” She asked instantly and I blinked.

      “Yes, I imagine he felt a lot. A wolf tore him apart. It did not look quick.” I allowed Naaki to crawl into my lap.

      “Oh,” she didn’t react too strongly to my words and her tone changed. “How could you attempt to kill yourself knowing that I would be left here?” I watched her fists curl toward her abdomen. “I’ve been wanting to ask you that for months.”

      “I thought it was time. But…I was wrong,” I looked away then back to her. “I have unfinished business here.”

      “How will you  _ever_  know?” She breathed softly.

      “I just will. But, not yet,” I spoke. “Not today. Realms are not done with me yet.”

      “Are you going to keep ordering me away after this?”

      “No,” I replied. “I’ll try not to.”

      “I saw the prince and your other friends in the room with the fire pit after the festivities. Just so you know.” Her words caused me to smile softly.

      “I’ll keep that in mind.”

      “Do you love each other? You and Prince Thor.”

      “Not in the way everyone thinks we do. There isn’t a wrong way to love. But, Thor and I have something great that is getting us both through this all.” I leaned back and let my hands skim over Naaki’s back. “It’s better than romance.”

      “I think our relationship is better than romance,” Elise added softly and I grinned. “I think you’re my best friend. But, more than that. I didn’t have one until you.”

      “I do as well. I'm glad to have met you, Elise.”

** ** **

      “Maybe I should go back,” I turned and Alistair watched me but didn’t move. This had been my third attempt at going back so he’d gotten used to it. “No, I’m already this far.” I spun and passed him again, earning a slight sigh of what might have been amusement.

      “On your word, princess,” he followed and I turned the corner, stopping once more at the door. Alistair was silent for a long moment before he leaned toward my ear. “Would you like me to open the door for you?”

      “No…I just,” I tried not to scoff. “I am frightened.”

      “Of those you love?”

      “Those I love will always frighten me more than anything else could,” I sniffed and turned to look at him. “But, you understand that.”

      “Yes,” he mused, dark eyes flickered over my own. He held out his hand for mine and I accepted before he pressed my palm over the cool door handle. “The only one standing in your way is you…and this door.” Turning, I closed my eyes, opened them, and pulled at the handle. The fire burned brightly as many sets of eyes turned to me, laughter ceasing and I exhaled. Thor stood up from his seat when Sif and the Warriors Three watched me shuffle forward a few steps. My lips turned up nervously before I spoke the words I’d been too afraid to for months.

      “May I join you?” I waited for them to tell me to leave but only smiles followed before Sif stood and crossed the room to take my arm. She felt of genuine happiness and pride for me and that sent every nervous feeling in my body away for tonight. It reminded me how meant for me my powers were and how precious every connection I made was. I would not soon forget such a day.

      “Took you long enough,” she tugged me forward with her and got me to sit on a bench next to Volstagg with Hogun on his other side. Thor sat in the adjacent bench and gave my arm a pat before waving my guard over.

      “Alistair, you must join us as well. I’m sure you have many stories after watching this one,” Fandral piped up from Thor’s side. “Let’s get a drink in you.”

      “Can’t say I’ve a taste for that anymore,” Alistair paced over and sat across from me.

      “How about a warm meal? We’ve plenty of food here,” Thor’s fingers skimmed my arm before he grabbed a plate.

      “Well, I can’t say no to that,” I chuckled and Volstagg gave my back a pat while Hogun offered a nod of acknowledgement. I felt satisfied to be here in the comfort of some of my closest friends. They all looked at my face and smiled at me the same way they did on the training grounds months prior. Perhaps, I’d let them keep me here; away from what was brewing within my own mind.

       _Just let me keep this._

** ** **

      After our feast, we began to split up but I jogged ahead of Alistair to stop Hogun near a back archway that led outside. He regarded me quietly so I found my voice.

      “My guard is coming, so I don’t have much time to tell you this. I’m not sure if you know and I’m not sure if I should even be telling you,” I paused and swallowed. “The bifrost. I realize that this has been rough on you…and on Faleen…among others. But, I needed to tell you. There’s a way for us to fix it.”

      “As much as I’d like to take comfort in your words of promise,” Hogun murmured. “I need more.”

      “I don’t have all the answers…but, if we can, we can fix the bifrost.” I insisted, touching his shoulder. Hogun was the first person I’d touched with my powers. In him, I felt passion for his family and home. Both homes and the way they tugged him apart. So, when I caught Alistair turning the corner, I drew to Hogun’s ear and whispered. “The Tesseract. I think they found it.” I leaned back and set a finger to my lips when I caught his expression of surprise before he went stoic and nodded. Our hands clasped briefly when I told him goodnight and paced down the hall to meet Alistair. “I hope that lot isn’t too much for you to deal with.”

      “I had an idea of what I was getting into. Your fiancé challenging Volstagg to a drinking game came as a slight surprise.”

      “That happens at least once a week,” I chuckled lightly.

      “Are you pleased you went?” Alistair asked after a while of quiet steps through the darkened halls.

      “Yes,” I shrugged nonchalantly. “I am.” We made it back to my room and I unlocked the door. “I’ll see you in the morning…eh, it was nice to see you unwind with them back there.” Alistair exhaled through his nose and nodded his head, lips twitching.

      “Goodnight, princess.”

** ** **

      “Elise is a model patient still, she practically doesn’t need me anymore,” Faleen offered. I organized potions while she flipped through a thin pad that lit up with a hologram. “If she keeps her confidence up, she’ll have no problems at this rate.”

      “She was excited to braid my hair this morning,” I leaned against the table. “How are you holding up?”

      “Better now, I don’t mind Asgard when if grows a bit quiet. Snow is beginning to melt,” Faleen gave an idle shrug.

      “It’s been a long winter,” I commented. “Bit too long if you ask me.”

      “We agree on something there,” she grinned and the doors opened behind her before Frigga paced in, causing me to drop a vial on the table. Scrambling, I snatched it up and made sure I didn’t break it. My reaction didn’t go unnoticed to Faleen but she said nothing about it.

      “Your majesty,” she began. “We’re almost finished with this box.”

      “Yes, we’ll ready it for delivery next.” Frigga looked to me and smiled. In truth, I’d been avoiding her. “Will you come with me?”

      “I’m not needed here?” I tried but she shook her head, hands clasping.

      “They’ll be fine. It’s been a slower day.” Frigga turned on her heel and Faleen shot me a look that only could have meant  _good luck_  before I moved to follow the Queen out. She dismissed my guard to wait next to my chambers and I was utterly alone with her.

      “So,” I clasped my hands, “did you need something?”

      “Just a talk. Come, I’m sure my study will be warmer,” Frigga led me deep into the palace and to the room I remembered well.  _Where no one could hear my screams._  Humming with technology and magic, Frigga’s study was just as it was last time. The large mirror caught my eye again when she shut the door and locked it behind us. “Come, sit.” I did so, staring intently at her while she used magic silently. “Tea?”

      “I…” I watched her start to pour before I could even begin. She was good at this. “Yes.”

      “Wonderful,” Frigga sat down and blew against her cup. I wanted to run. She drank some and gestured for me to follow. I almost spilled the cup but managed to sip it in a somewhat poised fashion. I waited for her to begin but the tension was too much so I spoke first.

      “So, Thor and I-”

      “Dear.” Her cup clanked down gently and I sat back. “I’ve heard the rumors and I’m not upset with you. These things happen when two people in your unique situation are pushed to desperation.”

      “I think I’d like to have a word with her,” Odin stepped out of another room and I jolted up.

      “Odin, I stated that I would handle this,” Frigga waved him back but he was stern.

      “If she is manipulating our son, we have to end this game. Now.”

      “I’m  _not_  manipulating, Thor!” I tried, hissing.

      “Dear, sit down. You’re not in any trouble.” Frigga got me to sit again and Odin approached behind her.

      “I’ll not have you use my son,” Odin pressed gently.

      “With all due respect if I ever used Thor, I allowed him to  _use_  me right back,” I watched his temper flare. “But, I won’t lie, I was just a tiny bit curious about how the palace would react to me finally opening my legs for the right prince… You didn’t disappoint. We're all getting exactly what we want. Horrifying as it may be.”

      “ _Hon_ , this is unnecessary,” Frigga eased. “Odin, stand back. We’re not here to fight.”

      “This will go too far if it continues,” Odin shook his head.

      “What choice do we all have right now?” Frigga touched his hand when he set it on the back of her chair. "They are the only hope to smooth things over. War is coming." 

      “War is here... What was it you told me, your majesty?” I tilted my head, sipping my tea. “We are in the business of living with our choices. Thor and I are doing just that. I’m not toying with him out of some revenge plot after what  _you_  did to my powers. After what happened with Loki... Contrary to popular belief, Loki and I have our differences. Vengeance is inspired but, I am long beyond it.” Frigga glanced away from me and Odin shifted his stance.

      “I simply wished to know if you are okay. If…If my baby is okay.” Frigga looked at me, pleading eyes, and I sat back.

      “None of this is okay, Frigga. Thor is trapped in the palace and engaged to  _me_  and I…right now, I don’t care about me. Thor needs to get the hell away from here for something that isn’t a damn battle…like…what about a hunt? We haven’t had one in a while and the warriors may enjoy something to lift their spirits that isn’t a damn banquet with pompous nobles looking to shred them apart.” I put my hands out and dropped them. “Not that I don’t  _enjoy_  the lavish life we all have here. My mother…this is everything she wanted for me.” I looked distant and Odin pulled me back.

      “You know that if we hold a hunt, you cannot go.” He stated gently and I smiled.

      “Yes. It isn’t for me. It’s for Thor. My friend.” I expressed fondly, setting my hands around the warm teacup.

      “Odin, you both have made your points. May I?” Frigga allowed Odin to kiss her hand tenderly before he nodded.

      “I do appreciate that my son has surrounded himself with another who cares for him deeply.” Odin passed me and I turned to speak.

      “He’s smart,” I added softly. “Thor is so smart.”

      “That he is.” Odin left us alone and I looked at Frigga.

      “Can I ask you something that might upset you?”

      “Of course,” she nodded and I drank more tea. 

      “Why didn’t you stop them from taking my powers? You knew what they meant to me.” I watched her, sobering up and she exhaled.

      “Yes, I did.” Frigga leaned toward me. “Who do you think told Eir to botch the procedure?” The Queen stood and my mouth fell open as she turned.

      “For someone who can see all, you sure love to take action in our lives regardless.”

      “My dear, I do exactly as I am supposed to do.” Her voice countered and I stood.

      “I’m becoming more powerful. Taking me off the training grounds is not stopping it.” I followed her. “I can do terrible things, Frigga.”

      “Yet, you are choosing not to,” she turned her head to peer at me. “That is called bravery.”

      “Objects of great importance,” I blurted out when she continued toward her mirror. “I can feel something from them. In flickers. I can take memories if I wanted to…I’m certain I can give them. I can twist souls around to my will. But, I’m refusing to get too deep into some of this, thought I want to. I’ve been studying runes…to protect the mind from magic. I’ve seen them before in the healing room but, I think that with my power and can dig deep and really implant them without issue. Keep other people out. Ward off harmful magic. I don’t feel in full control though…of anything. Not even my own mind.”

      “Perhaps that is why you are struggling with it often. It’s all right. We often need to find something to help us channel our powers. It can be anything really.” Frigga changed the subject. “Objects though. That is fascinating. Put your hand there.” She gestured to the white pad glowing in front of the mirror. I spread my fingers and watched her before settling my palm against it. Something exploded in my brain and I was sent reeling. Flying through the cosmos. Away from Asgard. Reaching out for a shadow cast against a desolate land of molten rocks before I was yanked away roughly. I came to on the floor with Frigga cradling me while I twitched and squirmed. She hushed me and touched my face to send waves of calm over me before I blinked.

      “What?” I wriggled away from her. “What the hell was that?!”

      “I cannot divulge that secret. Not yet. You will be here again…I hope that the next time doesn’t hit you as strongly as this one.” She reached out for me but, I got to my feet. “What did you see?”

      “It reminded me of when I read Heimdall months ago.” I confessed when she stood. “What’s happening to the worlds?”

      “Our realm feels small, does it not?” Was all Frigga offered, smiling sadly. “I think I should let you go after that. Are you alright?”

      “Yes, just caught off guard. By a few things.” I rubbed my shoulder idly and pretended to ignore the dull static in my brain. “Was that all you needed?”

      “There is something else. I wondered if you might wish to make the delivery today with your guard. Just a few hours away. They’ll prepare a small vessel and send you both off. I can get you the map prior to departure.”

      “All right,” I nodded distractedly. “I’ll prepare…and let Alistair know.”

      “Is he to your liking?” She asked when I turned.

      “I can say that he does his job very well.” I merely replied, exiting the room when she opened the doors for me.

      The House of Odin was full of secrets.

** ** **

      The ride there was rather long and quiet. In truth, I didn’t mind as I spent the whole time reading and writing in my journal. We made the drop and I stayed to ensure the healers received all of what we promised them before Alistair and I got back into our vehicle and headed home. Our problems began there.

      “Snow’s half melted and the damn air is still dry and frozen,” I wrapped my cloak closer, burying my nose in the fabric.

      “Should be another week before it’s gone,” Alistair adjusted one of the controls and sat near the helm as we glided through the air. Trees rustled while we passed them and I opened my mouth to speak before something clanked hard behind me. I turned in time to see a hook caught on our vessel and Alistair grabbed me just before the entire vehicle jerked and hit a tree. We both flew through the air and I gasped when cold water shocked into my body.

      “Alistair?” I called when I got up, freezing. The harsh river swept me around. I treaded as best I could and choked on water that washed over me before I came up again. “Alistair?!”

      “Here!” He coughed and sputtered, paddling toward me before he gasped my name and reached out while I struggled against the unforgiving waters. Submerged briefly, I managed to reach out and our hands clasped together. He tugged me to safety and pushed me up first, then I yanked him from the river. Shivering, I watched him cough up some water before grabbing the axe from his hip.

      “Look what we found us,” at least seven bandits approached. “Check the vehicle.” Three moved to search our vessel which was smoking unpleasantly in the frozen grass. One of my thick gloves had torn and fallen from my hand so I stuffed the other away. Magic charged up my furious body. I felt it swirl within my heart. Pupils sputtered and grew just a bit wider. I unraveled. 

      “We’ll be taking any valuables,” a women stepped up next to the man who seemed to be the leader. They clasped hands tightly and something inside me snapped in half.

       _Kill_.

      “Like that ring on her finger. Pretty rock.” A third chuckled and Alistair stepped in front of me.

      “Stand down and leave with your lives,” he warned and  _gods_ , I prayed they didn’t. Blood pounded. Begged to splatter. I reached for the dagger strapped behind me casually as they neared us.

      “Get them,” the leader ordered instead before Alistair charged them, sending his axe through one’s helmet. I kicked a man into a tree before the first women pulled me by the hair and tossed me back. Tripping her, I grabbed her face and watched the leader cry out in shock before I drove it into a jagged rock. My soul lashed out. Her nose and teeth smashed against it and I’d remember the sound they made. I looked into the leader’s eyes and did it again, daring him to come over before I yanked her up and did it once more. Her legs stopped twitching. Rage filled every void and I loved it.

      “Did I just break up bandit love? Terribly sorry.” I tossed her body carelessly into the river, their souls would never be joined, and he charged me in a fury with another man at his side.

      “Little cunt!” He dove into my dagger and I yanked off his helmet before using magic to send his friend back into the tree, branches breaking.

      “That was very rude of you,” my voice was strained. Across from me, Alistair’s axe sprayed blood across the snow. After stabbing the leader in the ribs, I shoved my blade into his mouth and tore open his cheeks.

      “ _Ah_!”

      “Smile now,” I puffed for air and allowed him to fall into the snow before I straddled him to hold his arms down. He screamed when I slipped my fingers along his teeth and dislocated his jaw, ripping his face open. The cry cut over obscenely with silence. Fury was blocking everything else out and I got up. Alistair practically hacked one man to pieces. We stared at each other for a moment before turning our attention to the wounded man lying at the foot of a tree.

      “No!” The bandit yelped, eyes wide as he tried to scramble up.

      “Take him,” I ordered and Alistair grabbed him by the back of his neck. He swiped at me with a knife but I snapped his arm over my knee, eliciting a scream of pain. “Focus!” I grabbed his face, feeling the terror within his body. It fueled me. “Do you want to live? Nod!”

      “Yes!” He’d pissed himself, shaken with fear and pain.

      “Are there any more in your group out there waiting for us?” I asked. “Are you the only one left? Don’t lie!” I yelled in his face and he cowered.

      “Yes…just me!”

      “What?!”

      “Yes!” He struggled against Alistair so I stood taller. I was freezing and so extremely alight with fire. “Yes! Please! I’m the only one!”

      “All right,” I looked up at Alistair’s face and wanted to reach out to touch him. “Kill him.”

      “No!” The man panicked. “You said-”

      “I asked if you wanted to live, I never said I’d let you,” I seethed. “Kill him!” My scream vibrated against the air. “Kill him!” Alistair didn’t hesitate to lift his axe and I touched the man’s temple, concentrating before the axe broke into his skull and split his brains apart. I gasped when I felt the connection snap and absorbed what death felt like. Roughly, I fell back into the snow and almost convulsed when the feeling of euphoria washed over my body.  _Screaming_. I relished the way he died and how it felt before the moment left me and Alistair leaned over, calling my name.

      “Are you harmed?” He lifted me by my shoulders and I was breathing heavily.

      “I am fine,” I let him tug me up by the arms. “Just freezing over and-look out!” One bandit lifted himself up and charged before I pushed Alistair and jumped at the enemy. I coiled my limbs around him before my hands pressed to his temples and he screamed, head crashing into my shoulder. My eyes turned black as I gave him all the pain I could until he was bucking and shaking in the grass. Blood filled his eyes, dripped from his nose and ears, and sprayed from his mouth. I held him down with my legs and didn’t stop until he went still. Straddling him, I cracked my neck and breathed a little slower, eyes lifting to the grey sky above. Stumbling up, I felt everything flowing back into my spine before I grabbed a branch to hold myself up.

      “That is not any magic I’ve ever seen before,” Alistair commented softly against the air. I kicked a dead bandit from the vehicle and about groaned at the sight of it. We were both wet and cold as rain began to fall and our vehicle wouldn’t start unless it was worked on. I cursed loudly before I kicked another dead bandit hard and Alistair let me rage while he checked over the engine. “I don’t have the parts to fix this.” I picked up the leader’s body and dragged it toward the river. “What are you doing?”

      “I’m angry and ensuring that this little  _shit_  and his beloved never see each other in the afterlife,” I kicked his body into the river so neither could be burned properly and it was probably the worst thing I’d done in a long time. “If you believe in such things, of course.”

      “Would you like to discuss-?”

      “ _No_ ,” I set my hands on my hips. “Thank you.” I tried to find my breath again and coughed. “Damn bandits are getting too brave.”

      “Yes, they are.”

      “We won’t last in this cold while we’re wet…I can dry us with magic,” I swiped my hand through my hair. “And believe me, I’m certain there’s a lot of magic you haven’t witnessed before. But, if you could, I’d like you to keep what you saw a secret.”

      “That an order, princess?”

      “No more so than when I said to kill him. I wasn’t sure you would. You don’t have to take all orders from me. Gods know you don’t,” I paced around the vehicle to look at the path ahead.

      “Why did you ask, in that case?” Alistair stood up and I exhaled against the cold.

      “I was curious of what you would do,” I turned to settle my eyes on his before I leaned over the vehicle to grab my bag.

      “I know where we are, we should find shelter though. I saw a few abandoned structures up ahead.” Alistair pushed the vehicle under a tree and grabbed his things.

      “I’ve had my share of abandoned structures.” I shook my head, shoulders dropping as I began to walk.

      “Look, about what happened-”

      “This isn’t some fairy tale where we find a cave and have some sweet heart to heart!” I snapped angrily, damp hair falling into my face. I’d dried us as best I could but the light fall of rain wasn’t helping. “We are not friends! You do not want to know me! We won’t fall into each other’s arms after a few bouts of sharing and crying! So, do us both a favor and continue to act on the orders the King gave you so I can do the same.”

      “You think I want to be stuck here with a brat like you?” He seethed but didn’t raise his voice. “Tell me, princess, what act of self-destruction are you planning next for yourself? If you learned to trust me, perhaps I can prepare for it.”

      “I’ll show you self-destruction!” I raced toward him, ready to punch but instead I pushed at his chest, rather pathetically. Alistair fell back into the snow and blinked up at me, confused. This felt familiar somehow and the flames licking at my insides ravaged me. “You are  _not_  him!”

      “Who?”

      “Loki! You’re not Loki because he’s dead! Okay?!” I sobbed aloud. “Loki is dead! He’s dead! I hate him so much! He’s so  _stupid_  and dead so I cannot even tell him that! I cannot hold him or tell him that I miss him or that I love him! I cannot make it better! I cannot tell him what he meant to me one last time! His last memories of me are that of betrayal and I can’t take that away!” I summoned every bit of magic within me and sent a blast of energy at a tree that burned and splintered it until I fell to my knees. “I thought…” My voice lowered. “A sick part of me thought that I would hear him…like I heard the others… But, I’m barely hearing anything anymore beyond the whispers…no matter what I do.” I wiped my nose on my sleeve and lifted my gaze to the tree, now destroyed by my rage. “No…” I got up and fell into it. “Look what I did… I didn’t mean to.”

      Alistair merely whispered my name but did nothing more.

      “I’m sorry,” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I can fix this.” I hugged myself into the tree, focusing until it vibrated and began to spring anew. Crackling against me, I felt the earth rise from the floor while the tree began to mend, branches growing out and blossoming with flowers. I could feel the life within in. People fought and died and loved here. My tears dried on the cold wind as I looked up and gasped at the sight of what appeared to be spring sprouting from the unforgiving winter. Alistair dropped to his knees next to me and asked for no explanation. “I didn’t deal with a lot.”

      “You dealt with plenty,” he murmured, watching my face as I touched a flower’s petals.

      “We’re always warned to survive the winter,” I rasped softly. “I just wasn’t ready.”

** ** **

      “This town, up ahead. We can send someone for our vehicle and repair it. We won’t need Heimdall’s assistance.”

      “You seem to know where you’re going.” I narrowed my eyes. “If you find us an inn, I can pay them.”

      “It, uh, won’t be needed,” Alistair was leading me down an empty path and toward a mansion that almost made me stop. It looked like a farm of some sort.

      “Where are we?”

      “You’ll see,” he offered simply, climbing the steps toward the door before he knocked. A strong looking women with a scar across her jaw answered and gasped out.

      “Alistair,” she grabbed his arms.

      “Mother,” he breathed and my eyes went wide.  _Mother_? She kissed his cheek and held him close, much to his bashful expression.

      “We’re… This is…” I pointed and let my mouth grow open in awe before he finished.

      “My family house.”

      “ _House_?” I tilted my head and the woman regarded me as I went silent.

      “Bit bigger than that,” he rubbed the back of his head. “I know.”

      “You brought a lady!” The woman let out a sound of delight and wrapped me in a large hug that reminded me of Gudrun back home.

      “Mother, this is the future princess I’m tasked with watching,” he introduced me by name as she rocked me and I was glad she was warm. “This is my mother, Sigrid.”

      “Nice to meet you,” I strained while she squeezed me and let go.

      “The princess?” She looked down at our clothing once more; covered in dirt and dark blood stains. “You both are half frozen. Were you in battle?”

      “Bandits. We need someone to go out and retrieve our vehicle so we can repair it and be on our way.” Alistair explained and she ushered us inside.

      “Come in, come in! You both need to warm up first. I can have clothing brought. Nothing too grand, I’m afraid.” She tugged at our cloaks. “Britta and I can get this all washed. Are either of you wounded?”

      “No,” Alistair shook his head.

      “Britta!” The mother called and another woman appeared on the stairs.

      “Alistair!” She gasped. “Girls! Alistair is home!”

      “Just for a bit, I have a job to- _ugh_!” Alistair gasped when his second mother enveloped him in a hug. She was much smaller than her wife. Two more girls rushed down the stairs and almost tackled him down. Both sisters were taller than Alistair as he stood a few inches above his mother, Britta. I wanted to snicker at the display, glancing at Sigrid.

      “He hasn’t been home in a while?” I wondered aloud and kisses sounded next to me.

      “It’s been ages,” she clapped her hands. “Girls, give him a moment. They’ve had a rough time.” She introduced me to her two daughters, both radiant and rough with lean muscles and light scars littered here and there along their bodies. Lilya looked at me with large eyes and appeared as Alistair described her, blotches of stark white along her skin. Mjoll didn’t speak. She shook my hand with a strong grip and made quick signs with her hands.

      “Bandits,” Alistair explained and signed a few things back before she nodded and kept going.

      “One of you start dinner,” Sigrid pulled our focus. “Britta, after Alistair changes, we’ll get help retrieving their vehicle.” She settled her arm around my shoulders. “This one needs a hot meal and fresh clothes. Lilya, can you grab something for now? I’ll dig through my old clothes later. You both are spending the night, aren’t you?” She eyed Alistair and he sighed.

      “Yes, mother.”

      “Wonderful,” she paused. “Where is Elpis?”

      “Library. As usual,” Lilya piped up. “I’ll let her know what happened and grab you something.”

      “Thank you,” I watched her go and allowed Sigrid to pull me away from Alistair, who merely watched my eyes. Mjoll signed something with her hands and he shook his head, pushing at her before she chuckled aloud. I wondered what she'd said.

      “Has my son made you proud?” Sigrid ushered me behind a screen and filled the wash basin for me.

      “Yes,” I nodded, beginning to undress and wash my body with a warm cloth. Lilya entered with a red dress and I thanked her softly before washing my face and changing. Sigrid let me leave my bag in another room and had me follow her down the hall. A fluffy, orange cat with a flat face padded down to sniff me and I stopped to pet her. “Alistair talks about your family sometimes. Said you had a large amount of pets too.” I giggled as another cat wandered over with black fur, rubbing against me.

      “Our hounds are famous. Great companions.” Sigrid chuckled as the two cats purred and nuzzled my hands. “You have any pets?”

      “A cat. Naaki. She’s bald and likely wondering where I am.” I knew Elise would take care of her well while I was out.

      “They might smell her on you.” Sigrid moved to go and I followed. “Word of warning. Many of the pups are large and they like to jump on you but they mean you no harm. Just friendly is all.” She opened a door and peeked in. “Elpis. Care to meet Alistair’s princess?”

      “Come in,” a voice called and I was led into a library that was painted differently from the rest of the house. Galaxies covered every inch of the walls and ceiling. I marveled at the beauty of it all and pulled my focus to the girl hunched over a desk.

      “What is it today, darling?” Sigrid kissed Elpis’s head and smoothed a hand over her back.

      “Bracelet making, you see?” She held up a woven piece of jewelry with beads along it. Stars crafted out of colored paper hung from the ceiling and the light showed through them.

      “It’s beautiful,” I clasped my hands.

      “Elpis enjoys crafting and inventing. She did this.” Sigrid explained and I nodded. “Better than the one in our King’s palace?”

      “Actually, yes... If our library was like this, I’d never leave.” Another cat sprang up on a shelf and watched me cross the room. Elpis glanced up at my face and tilted her head, we didn’t shake hands.

      “Nice to meet you,” I nodded.

      “Lilya told me you and Alistair fought bandits. How many were there?” Elpis asked, fingers busy with her craft.

      “Only seven,” I replied and she hummed as Sigrid moved to put some books back into place behind me.

      “Did you both kill them all?” She asked easily.

      “Yes.”

      “Does my brother protect you well?”

      “He does.” I nodded slightly.

      “Good, he’s afraid of a lot of things,” she shrugged and I smiled at her. “You know?”

      “Yes,” I replied shortly.

      “Did that happen to your face and arms before you met him?”

      “Elpis, we don’t know if she-”

      “It’s alright,” I was still smiling when I turned to Sigrid.

      “Can you sit down?” Elpis asked and I slid into a chair. “Sorry. I don’t like being stared down at for too long.”

      “It’s fine. I’m the same,” I offered quietly and a grey cat jumped into my lap.

      “I can bring you both something hot,” Sigrid looked between us. “Alistair left to get your vehicle.”

      “Does he need my help?” I asked and Sigrid shook her head.

      “No, just rest for a bit. Looked like you both had quite the trip.” She turned to leave us alone and I glanced out the window.

      “Hey, want me to teach you how to make one?” Elpis looked up. “It’s easy. You can make one for Alistair. His favorite color is dark purple but he never mentions it.”

      “I like that idea,” I leaned forward as the cat in my lap curled up peacefully.

      “Here’s the cords and beads,” she passed a few things over. Elpis taught me how she wove them a few times until I began to do it on my own.

      “What have you invented?” I asked after a moment.

      “Mostly things that help with feeding and washing the dogs more easily.” She shrugged. “We only have a few people who help out, outside the family. You didn’t answer my question earlier.”

      “Oh, yes…it did happen before I met Alistair.” I let my fingers busy away with weaving the cords together. “I did it to myself.”

      “Did you do it because you wanted the pain on the inside to be on the outside?” She glanced up at me briefly and I nodded.

      “I believe so,” I sighed. “I think at the time, I also wanted to die a little.”

      “I walked in on Alistair burning his leg with a hot tea kettle once. He was drunk and very unhappy. I don’t remember much after. It hurt me to see it.” Elpis rocked in her chair and swung her legs under the table. I thought of Alistair holding the burning metal to his skin and looked down. “Did he tell you I hear things?”

      “Yes, he did.”

      “Healers have me on this medication that makes me jittery. Makes it hard to work as my hands rattle too much at times,” she huffed. “Think it helps and it doesn’t make me sadder. So that’s nice.”

      “I sometimes hear things too. It frustrating…not being able to hear your own voice so often.”

      “I try to think of them as pets and I feed them things to keep them contented. It’s like an understanding we’ve grown into. Helps me cope. The art appeases them as well. Sometimes.” Elpis shrugged. “Add another bead there.”

      “Here?” I held up the cords and she nodded.

      “Not too terrible for your first,” she chuckled and I did in turn.

      “What craft is your favorite?”

      “Painting,” she replied. “Just came naturally. Town let me paint a mural in our main building. Everyone sees it when they hold meetings. Better than what was there before if I do say so myself.” We both laughed lightly and she looked at my face.

      “I wish I could paint.”

      “You’re still pretty with those scars. So if you were trying to make yourself ugly, it didn’t work,” she spoke bluntly and I shrugged. “Not that you should try harder. I’ve seen a lot of ugly things and met a lot of ugly people. You don’t need to try to be ugly. Sometimes you just are. The world will see it. Eventually. They always do.”

      “I’m sorry you deal with ugly people too,” I added another bead to the bracelet.

      “I’m not,” she exhaled. “Not anymore. Now I get a list of people to avoid and signs that people show that I should avoid. Although, I tend to avoid them later and talk back first. Mother says I’m quite blunt. Got me into a lot of trouble.”

      “Blunt people can be wonderful,” I yawned and petted the cat in my lap before continuing.

      “My mom is going to make you and Alistair spend the night. He’ll resist but lose in the end. He always does.” Elpis smirked slightly. “My family has a habit of taking in strays so the caring thing just never ends. Alistair doesn’t come home often so I’m sure they want to question him endlessly about life and you as well.”

      “I haven’t made things easy on your brother. My temper is coming to the front more and more and I’m speaking my mind often but I tend to snap at people now without thinking.” I began to tie off the bracelet after checking it over.

      “That doesn’t sound all bad. I used to bottle stuff up and it made me do bad things,” Elpis glanced up at me. “But, now it’s getting better.”

      “It’s rough, it is not?” I tilted my head and she nodded. I like the way this craft kept my fingers moving.

      “Very much so,” Elpis paused and turned to the door when footsteps sounded. “Come in.” Alistair entered with two hot drinks and carefully set them down.

      “Mother insisted,” he explained, kissing Elpis’ temple.

      “Thank her for me,” I drank and loved the way my stomach warmed.

      “How have you been, little brother?” Elpis looked up at Alistair and he nodded.

      “Fine.”

      “She said she’s been difficult on you so I wondered,” she chuckled and I scoffed. “I like that you’ve taken on a challenge though. Look, she made you something.”

      “Hold out your wrist,” I paused and he rolled his eyes but held out his left hand. “You better wear this, I worked hard on it.” My words caused Elpis to snicker as I tied the bracelet to his wrist. “You like it?”

      “Looks dashing on you,” Elpis added, rocking slightly from side to side.

      “I suppose,” he fingered a bead and clasped his hands. “We have the vehicle. Mjoll insisted on working on it after she saw its condition.”

      “Is it bad?”

      “A bit. Should be up tomorrow once we get the last few parts.” Alistair sighed and rubbed his forehead. “My mothers have invited you to dinner.”

      “How can I refuse such an offer? Considering how excited you are.” I raised an eyebrow and pulled the cat from my lap before I stood, taking my drink with me. “It was lovely to meet you.”

      “Likewise.” Elpis went back to her work and I followed Alistair out.

      “Your house is divine,” I admitted after the doors shut, looking up at the ceiling. I gulped my drink down and Alistair nodded.

      “Seems large until we allow the dogs to run about,” he led me toward the kitchen and took the cup from my hands.

      “Can I go meet some?” I asked and he paused.

      “You sure?”

      “Yes,” I smiled sweetly and he shrugged his shoulders, leading me out.

      “Most are out in the farm we set up for them as a sort of lavish kennel. But, in truth, you’ll find them wandering the backyard or house. Ah, here’s one,” Alistair peered in a room and a squat dog came over. “He’s…not a war hound.” The dog tossed himself down at Alistair’s feet and begged to have his belly scratched. “Lazy bum.” He obliged and the dog whined happily, barking and I snickered before petting him. “Name’s Ake.”

      “Hello there,” I scratched behind his ears and grinned before we got up and went elsewhere.

      “Come this way, I think I hear…” Alistair trailed off and jolted to attention when two large animals jumped at him. “Easy,” he strained as the two dogs with pointed ears sniffed and pawed at him. One circled me and allowed me to pet her after a moment. “That’s Gyda and this is her brother, Dag. They do their best to knock people over.”

      “Do the dogs get along with the cats?” I asked after a moment.

      “Wonderfully so. In truth, a few of them are frightened of the cats.” He chuckled and gave Dag a pat. “Are you hungry? I think dinner should be ready soon, then you’re free to rest after the needless questioning.”

      “I could eat,” I looked up at Alistair and felt my scars tug when I smiled. His lips merely pressed together and twitched up just a bit.

      “Shall we?”

** ** **

      In truth, I was quiet for a lot of dinner; merely listening to the family around me. They questioned Alistair and I endlessly but I enjoyed watching them joke and interact. My eyes kept catching the beads on Alistair’s wrist when he reached for something. After eating my fill, I was shown the vehicle outside.

      “You do good work,” I let Mjoll read my lips before she smiled and signed to me with her hands.

      “She says the vehicle was pitiful even before we smashed it. Too slow.” Alistair spoke, shaking his head. “We are not racing in it.” He signed to her and she scoffed, replying quickly. “Mjoll says obviously not, no wonder the bandits caught you.”

      “I trust her with repairs. And thank you,” I looked at her and nodded. “She has a point too.”

      “She’ll make it too fast if we allow her,” Alistair commented. “Don’t do too much.” Mjoll rolled her eyes but nodded once before waving us away. “Night.”

      “I like your family,” I spoke when we got inside.

      “My sisters taught me all they knew growing up,” he offered softly when we went up the stairs. “My room is right next to yours.”

      “As usual,” I exhaled. “Sleep well.”

      “Yes, you too.” He cleared his throat. “If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.”

      “Right,” I opened the door, “I will.” Changing into a borrowed nightgown, I got into the bed and curled up on my side. There was a window above me that I watched here and there as the minutes passed. I was exhausted and not sleeping at all. I tried to think that perhaps I was getting better but after the run in with the bandits and what happened after, I wasn’t sure. And Loki. He was in so much of what I saw these days whether I liked it or not. I missed him. I’d been so full of rage today but, now something close to calm was engulfing me. I looked down at my hands and remembered what that man’s death had felt like. The screaming. Instantly, I ripped off the covers and got up, sneaking out of my room and opening Alistair’s door quietly. I tiptoed in and tilted my head at him in bed. “Guard…” I beckoned softly before I exhaled. “Alistair.”

      “ _Brat_.” He murmured, eyes opening to see me. When he didn’t speak, I lifted the covers of his large bed and slid in with my eyes on him the entire time. Alistair stared back and shifted to allow more room.

      “This is bad.” I observed quietly.

      “Yes.”

      “Should I stop?” I curled up and he blinked.

      “No.” We looked at each other in the darkness of his room and eventually I let my eyes fall closed.

      We never touched.

** ** **

      “I’m going to write a letter to your family, thanking them again,” I paced down a hall of the palace with Alistair at my side.

      “They liked you,” he replied quietly. Idle, I buttoned my healing room robes over my dress. Arriving early, I smiled bright when Moira turned to see me.

      “You’re not late for once,” she blinked.

      “I made you something.” I reached for her hand and tied a bracelet with red beads around her wrist. “Made some for a lot of other people in my time away.”

      “…Thank you. Are you well?”

      “Yes, actually, I feel…good,” I followed her as Alistair posted himself at the door. “Frigga said to help here for a few hours before I go to the library. Have a lot of books to organize.”

      “Want to help me with inventory?” She cocked her head to the side.

      “Yes,” I paused. “Could we hug?” Moira dropped her papers and took me in her arms, causing to me exhale sharply. “I’m so sorry.”

      “Me too.” She kissed my cheek and felt of compassion. "I know losing him was difficult. I wish things were different."

      “I love you, Moira,” I sniffed and nodded. “A lot.”

      “I love you very much as well. Come, let’s get to work.” I busied about the healing room with her and Asta, filing papers mostly until I had to go to the library.

      Alistair posted himself at the foot of the stairs when I began to organize the stacks of books along the room. No one came in today but the silence was maddening after an hour or so. I’d pulled off my robes and draped them over a banister before using a ladder to reach the high shelves around me. When I reached out to slide a book away, it slipped and fell to the floor with a loud thud.

      “Damn it,” I muttered before Alistair appeared at the top of the stairs. “Your reaction time is steadily getting faster.”

      “Just checking,” he set his hands out briefly.

      “Hand me that book, will you?” I stepped down and reached out when he retrieved it for me. “Thank you.” When Alistair moved to go, I stopped him. “You ever get tired of standing in the same place for such a long period of time?”

      “Soldiers stand for much longer,” he countered with a shrug. “I do not always stand the entire time. Sometimes I pace.” His dry humor amused me.

      “As if that’s a large change,” I shook my head and came down, facing him. “What would you be doing if you didn’t become a guard?”

      “No doubt, I’d be working with the dogs at home.”

      “Yes, I noticed they liked you. You knew every one of their names and personalities.” I chuckled. “The large dogs being afraid of the cats on occasion still amuses me.”

      “Cats can be odd and unpredictable. They don’t know what to make of them sometimes.” Alistair’s dark eyes met mine when I turned and smirked before I picked up a book from the stack. “Regardless, the animals love and protect each other.” We both stared and I spoke.

      “Are you going to fall in love with me, Alistair?” I breathed finally and there was a beat.

      “No, princess.” Our eyes locked and I smiled.

      “Good. I don’t…” I stepped closer. “I do not love you either.”

      “How can you when there is someone else.” It wasn’t a question and he also wasn’t referring to Thor.

      “But, of course,” I sighed and slid the book away. “Can I ask you a question, guard?”

      “What do you need of me, princess?”

      “If I asked you to close your eyes and stand still for just a bit longer, could you do that?” It wasn’t an order. Alistair looked at me carefully and slid his eyes closed when I approached. He inhaled sharply and my fingertips skimmed his cheek, lightly ghosting over his facial hair before I dropped my hand. After feeling him grant me permission, I leaned in and lightly brushed my lips against him. There was tenderness and satisfaction in it. After one slow kiss, I looked at his face and whispered. “Open your eyes.” His hand shifted toward me when he did before he paused and recoiled. “We could do that again. Later maybe.”

      “Yes.”

      Alistair didn’t pity me.

      He wasn’t madly in love with me.

      He would protect me regardless.

      “I’m going to go back to my room to meet Elise. Don’t follow me until I leave the library…and you may take your post at my door. Good evening.” I bowed my head when he did and rounded his frame to go. We didn’t linger or look back. We did not need to.

** ** **

      “There were only seven of them,” I relayed parts of the tale to Elise and Thor in my room after pouring tea for them.

      “Have you noticed that they’re getting braver? The bandits and marauders? So many attacked over the short months.” Thor realized quietly. “I think we both know why.”

      “Yes.” I shrugged and we didn’t say Loki’s name as Elise smoothed her hand over Naaki’s back.

      “Do you think they’ll try to attack the palace?” She asked.

      “They cannot be that idiotic,” Thor assured her with a smile and I nodded.

      “Like any of those groups could get the numbers.” I watched Thor drink from his warm cup and turned my gaze to the door briefly.

      “Are you coming to dinner tonight?” Thor changed the subject. “You’re quite missed.”

      “I’m certain that I can make and appearance.” I paused. “When are they holding the hunt?”

      “Should be a week, they want the snow gone. More game will be out,” Thor sat up, beaming.

      “I’m glad they decided to hold one,” I sipped my tea and shrugged. Thor’s lips upturned at me like he knew something but he nodded in return.

      “As am I.”

** ** **

      Something tapped lightly against my window as I sat reading next to it after dinner. Furrowing my brow, I shifted up and went onto the balcony. “Down here!” A voice beckoned and I rolled my eyes.

      “Fandral? What are you doing?”

      “I’ve never scaled the wall to your new room,” he pulled himself up and reached for my balcony, struggled with his composure before he rolled across the tiles in a heap. “I meant to do that.” He leapt up and set his hands on his hips when I shot him an unimpressed look.

      “My guard won’t like it if you keep doing that,” I turned. “Want tea?”

      “Yes, please.” Fandral paused. “I just feel as though we haven’t had a lot of time to talk. Granted, I am so glad you're dining with us again.” His eyes swept to Loki’s cape hanging from under my pillows.

      “I’ve been…difficult.” I shrugged, pouring two cups as Naaki jumped into my bed to sleep. “It’s fresh.”

      “Many thanks,” Fandral picked up his cup and joined me in the window. “How have you been?”

      “Something close to better, I think. For now. I can accept that.” I leaned back and got comfortable. “I think of him often.” Talking about Loki was hard, but I was managing.

      “As do I.” Fandral pressed his lips together and gazed at me.

      “This year so far has been…so much, Fandral. And me…I… I’ve been exploring a lot of good and bad things. Some within myself.” I paused.

      “Do you regret anything?”

      “No…” I shook my head. “Not this moment. I am trying to move forward as best I can. In my own way. Studied a lot that I’d been wanting to. Met some great people. Slept with a few of them. No, I wouldn’t say I regret anything.”

      “I have to ask,” he chuckled. “You and Thor have something going, and you’re engaged. Are there feelings there or are you both just getting really good at this?”

      “We’re both really good at it,” I laughed lightly. “Just friends and fellow political pieces trying to keep Asgard reined in. It’s rough… We’re almost seven months into the year and, damn it, it’s been so hard. I feel so…emptied out at times. After what I did… I miss being a warrior so much, Fandral.” My voice lowered before I finished my drink and set the cup aside. “I never thought I wouldn’t be one. I never considered that it might come to this. It aches so most days.”

      “Hey,” Fandral set his tea down and held me close to him. “You will always be a warrior at heart.” I put my head on his chest and tried to share in his comfort.

      “I don’t know how much longer we can keep this all up. Can we really do this for years? Before I know it, I’m going to be married to Thor for real and have his children,” I whispered and Fandral slid his hand over my head.

      “A terrible fate,” he mused and I scoffed a bit.

      “Thor is wonderful, but we do not belong together. Not like this. I can feel his heart elsewhere and mine is the same...and we both know that.” I felt him hold me tighter.

      “I’m here,” he tried softly, rubbing my shoulders as I looked up at him. Fandral wanted to comfort me and I let my lips quirk up when I looked into his eyes. But, out of nowhere, he ruined the moment by leaning in and I gasped, head tilting backwards.

      “What are you doing?” I pulled from him, somehow jilted when I felt his emotions.

      “I don’t know. Forgive me, I was…” Fandral shook his head and I stood, stepping back.

      “You don’t even hold romantic feelings for me, what are you doing? We laid together once. With Loki. But, we are friends. That is it. You know that, Fandral.”

      “I am sorry, I should not have done that. I…was a little riled up and confused and…I simply wanted to comfort you but, I wasn’t sure how and-”

      “I don’t need  _pity_  sex from you,” I seethed, my heart speeding up as my brain spun.

      “No! Gods, no, that is not what I meant,” Fandral stood, holding his arms out for me.

      “You tried to kiss me, knowing that I’m not even… We ended this a long time ago. You and Loki and I.” I held my head when it grew loud and I gasped for air, shutting my eyes. “You felt like pity. You’re my friend. How could you feel like that?”

      “What are you talking about? Please be calm. Let’s talk,” he reached for me and I jolted back.

      “Don’t tell me to be calm,” I breathed, chest shuddering. “What are you doing with me? You love another, Fandral. Maybe…” I found my anger easily. “Maybe if you told Sif how you felt, you wouldn’t have to…” I cut over myself and shook my head before I grew soft. “I love you but, get out, Fandral.” My voice was resigned. Tired.

      “I love you as well. Please, let me explain. I wasn’t thinking and I just acting, but it was…wrong.” Fandral went on with regret in his eyes but, I’d heard enough.

      “Alistair!” I called over Fandral’s pleading and the doors burst open on cue. “We’re done talking for now. I don’t need pity from my best friend.”

      “My lady, please!” Fandral was being pulled from the room.

      “I’m not…” I looked up at Fandral’s beautiful face. “I am not your lady, Fandral. I’m just a bastard. The palace’s bastard prisoner and I’d like you to leave for now.” Alistair forcefully pushed Fandral out until he turned on his heel and left me alone. My eyes filled with tears so I forced my gaze to the window.

      “Are you all right?” Alistair asked softly after a beat. My face stayed locked away from his gaze.

      “Yes. Thank you. Good night.”

      “Good night,” Alistair whispered my name and then he was gone by the time I turned.

      I didn’t sleep that night.

** ** **

      “Fandral, I really don’t want to talk about. Can we just forget it? I don’t have the energy.” I knew he’d seek me out the next morning.

      “I really hurt you and I can’t stand that I did it,” he eased, catching the attention of warriors who passed us. Alistair looked at me, asking if he should take care of this but, I shook my head.

      “I was really upset, but I feel better. I know why you did it, it was a mistake. Just,  _please_.”

      “What’s going on here?” Sif rounded the corner and my heart fell.

      “Nothing,” I shook my head and tried to round Fandral but, he burst out the truth.

      “Last night, I attempted to kiss her and I should not have. It was wrong and I know that.”

      “You,  _what_?” Sif instantly looked aghast at him and he seemed smaller suddenly. “She is engaged to Thor, our friend, and you pull  _that_?! Do you realize what you could have done?! How much she is already dealing with?! What is wrong with you, Fandral?!”

      “I’m sorry,” Fandral swallowed, hands clasping.

      “Sif,” I offered but she shook her head.

      “Grow up!” She got in Fandral’s face and pushed past him. She sounded truly disgusted and Fandral managed to hold it together until he went into the nearest room. Alistair waited just outside the doorway for me.

      “Fandral,” I followed, watching his back hunch over a bit.

      “I deserved that,” he was crying softly.

      “I’m not…angry with you. I forgave you. It passed. We both make mistakes, you know? We're both disasters at times. But, we're growing still. We've witnessed the births and deaths of a million stars.” I shook my head and touched his back. “Sif, won’t be angry for long.”

      “You don’t believe that,” Fandral wiped the back of his hand across his cheek.

      “She’ll forgive you too, is what I mean.”

      “You were right, I should have told her how I felt eons ago and now I may never get the chance.” He sniffled and looked at me so I rubbed his arm.

      “I think you’re wrong.” I smiled for him. “Last night was a mess and I’m really not interested in those right now. I can’t seem to escape them. Can we just be friends and move on together? I’d like that. I wouldn't have lasted this long without you in my life.”

      “Nor would I. Yes, I'd like to keep moving.” Fandral took my hand when I reached for his. He’d calmed down but, in truth, he was only beating himself up inwardly.

      “You’re going to be late for training. Go put that emotion to good use and land someone we dislike on their ass,” I hugged him close.

      “I won’t try to kiss you again.” He chuckled slightly, causing me to.

      “Probably best.”

      “I just feel as if I have not been able to care for you in the passing months.” Fandral admitted softly. “I acted on my own…impulse.”

      “Being my companion off the training grounds is enough. It’s more than enough. I have not exactly given many of you the option to spend time with me. But, I’m working on that. Want to go for a drink sometime?”

      “I’ll buy.” Fandral’s smile was charming once more before he turned. I watched him go, straightening up before I left the room and spoke to Alistair.

       “Library.” He walked next to me in silence until I arrived, pulling off my cloak to set it on a table. “Damn nobles never put the books away,” I huffed and picked a few up. Hand waving, every lose book came toward me to make a pile. Alistair gazed at me from his usual post at the bottom of the stairs. The library was empty at this hour, not many had been visiting lately which was fine with me. Up on the second floor, I used magic to set multiple books away before coming back down to look for more. The practice was nice. Waving my hand to lift up a stack, I looked over the spines to find their places and continued for about an hour. On the third floor, I called for my guard below and he appeared in record time.

      “Is there a problem?”

      “No,” I shrugged. “It was too quiet. Wanted to see if you were awake still.”

      “I paced the bottom of the stairs to pass the time, if you recall,” he replied and I quirked up my brow.

      “Yes, I see,” I climbed a few steps of the ladder to set a novel away. “We never got that conversation.”

      “Is that what you are calling it now, princess?”

      “My valiant protector has such a way with words,” I exhaled, leaning against the ladder to set a book into place. I got down and faced him, tilting my head. “I simply thought it was a good conversation.”

      “Such conversations could put you in danger.” He mused and I passed him to look at a tapestry hanging above us. Sunlight fluttered to touch the gold thread, causing them to sparkle. 

      “Danger is my life, Alistair. I think you’ve been in it long enough to figure that. Thor has had similar _conversations_ with a few others.” I leaned against a shelf behind me. “We’re damn partners in danger, you and I.” Alistair exhaled softly out his nose, eyes trained still on my own.

      “What are your intentions here?”

      “My intention is to say yes.” I breathed in an airy whisper. “To you at least.”

      “Neither of us have the time.” Alistair stepped toward me, crossing the boundary finally that had been sitting between us both.

      “We’ve a place,” I replied easily. “And the greatest in small, simple truths.”

      “Our paths will cross but end elsewhere. You know this. Is that enough for you?” His body neared mine in quiet steps.

      “It is,” I let Alistair’s hand cradle the back of my head; my breath caught. “Yes?”

      “Yes.” He leaned over to part his lips against mine, more firmly than our first kiss. My hands lifted, uncertain of what to do before I took his arms to prolong the tender embrace. The tendrils of my soul came out to caress his, absorbing the simple emotions of desire and contentment. “This is forbidden,” his breath warmed against my lips before he kissed me again, beard scratching my skin lightly.

      “Do we belong to each other?” I opened my eyes to look at his gentle face.

      “No, we do not.”

      “Good,” I cradled his jaw in my hands. “ _Good_.”

** ** **

      “Do you have everything you need,  _my love_?” I grinned affectionately while Thor readied his horse, the many warriors around us preparing for the hunt.

      “Ah, I believe so.” Thor nodded to his father on a far balcony behind us, overseeing the warriors before they departed.  Alistair stood by the archway behind me, waiting for me to come in. The sun peeked slightly through grey clouds overhead, warming my face. “Have you said goodbye to the others?”

      “Yes, caught most of them.” I held my cloak over my shoulders, crossing my arms. My voice lowered as I looked to the ground and then at Thor when he drew closer. “I kissed Alistair. Few times.” His brow quirked up before he caught his snort of amusement, glancing behind me.

      “Bet he's quite skilled at it. Does he hold good intentions?”

      “He does,” I nodded, swallowing.

      “Then enjoy your time and do not get caught.” Thor touched my shoulder and I hugged him.

      “You as well,” I raised my eyebrow and he chuckled. “Come back safely in a few days. Come back with something good too so I can brag about you.”

      “Always do,” his lips quirked up and he kissed the corner of my mouth. My eyes slid to Herlof not far behind Thor, mounting a horse and ignoring his wife as she held their baby and spoke to him softly. Instinctively, I smiled at Thor when he pulled back and backed up to let him get on his horse.

      “See you later,” I curtsied before he nodded and walked his horse to the rest of the warriors. I waved when they took off toward the forest as people cheered around me. Turning, I looked up at Odin on the balcony and grinned for him while I walked toward Alistair. The King merely gave me a nod of acknowledgment in return.

      “To the library then, princess?”

      “No, I got my work done in there and I don’t need to be in the healing room until this evening.” I looked at him, glancing down the empty hallway. “Remember that game we used to play?”

      “A game,” he mused. “That’s what you call it?” Abruptly, I took off running, causing him to chase after me. My dress and cloak flew behind me as I ran up a set of stairs, laughing softly to myself. I turned a sharp corner and leaned next to the door of my destination before Alistair skidded to a stop and realized where we were.

      “May I go in?” I asked softly. His hands fumbled while he unlocked the door to his small room and led me inside. A small fire was burning so I pulled off my cloak and locked the door, causing him to turn and gaze at me.

      “Would you like something to drink?”

      “Anything warm and without alcohol,” I passed him to sit in the cushioned spot of his window. It was large and I liked the view.

      “Fortunately, that is all I have.” Alistair turned to a small table and I let my legs dangle from my seat before I glanced up.

      “If it please you, sir, you could also remove your clothes and have intercourse with me,” I paused when Alistair’s head turned sharply toward me. "My calendar is open." I didn’t allow my feet to touch the floor as he reached up to unbutton his shirt collar, eyes on me while he did. A few leather and metal pieces fell to the floor before his shirt and undershirt followed. Dark hair lightly lined his frame and there were a number of battle scars along his torso. When I reached out, he took my hand and shifted forward. He felt of slight nerves and curiosity, which made me smile lightly before my fingers curled around his belt to remove it. Alistair ran his knuckles along my cheek before I pulled his trousers over his legs to see the burn scar on his left thigh. He didn’t move when I had him nude so I found my voice and used it. “Lie next to me on your stomach.”

      “As you wish, princess.” When I moved over, he laid down and exhaled sharply. My palm trailed down his spine, caressing his skin. I pressed my lips to his neck and then trailed them over his shoulder before I let my tongue brush down his spine. I kissed his hip and thigh and then came back up to run my fingers into his hair. I could hear his breathing pick up, feel the way his body responded to mine. I laid next to him on my side and waited for him to turn to me, dark eyes flickering up and down my expression.

      “I think it would not be terrible if we undressed and laid together,” I blinked and his lips twitched up at that.

      “Would you like to discuss the prospect of us having sexual relations?”

      “I thought we already were,” I murmured, my fingers trailed down his bicep before he moved to hover over my torso, lowering himself against me. Alistair smoothed his hands over my shoulders and cupped my breasts, causing me to inhale sharply against him as he squeezed and tugged the ties of my dress open. I shifted to he could begin pulling the fabric all down my body, taking my undergarments with it and the cold air caressed my flesh. He gazed at me, sitting on his knees before I came up to capture his lips so I could bring him back down with me. His movement were slow but not hesitant, they all held purpose. I let my eyes flutter closed, head tilting back as his thumbs rubbed circles into my nipples. We kissed and touched and I felt him steadily grow aroused against me. Silently, I opened my thighs so he could slide his hand between them.

      “Where?” He exhaled against my lips, two fingers pressing into me when I was ready. “Show me.” Alistair took his time, kissing and massaging me; his two fingers curled and my hips lifted. My arms slid around his neck as I breathed a little heavily into his skin.

      “ _There…_ ” Fingernails dug into his skin as he carried on in slow motions until I couldn’t stand it, back curving up toward him. Our bodies shifted and I was half on my stomach, leg shifting so he could hold me close and enter me. We both gasped out and I reached back to tug at his hair; arms rounded my torso to grasp at my neck and shoulders. Alistair began to pump in slow fluid motions while my hot breath ghosted against the window. Lips pressed into my hair as I arched my back to urge him deeper; Alistair sped up but kept control of his pace. We clung to each other and moaned softly; heated bodies sliding together with each thrust. He was gentle and unhurried; paying close attention to the subtle ways my body begged. The pace caused me to buck and squirm until he finally slid one hand between my legs; drawing out the orgasm that rushed through my bones and muscles. Alistair coaxed the pleasure from my body in gradual and deliberate motions. I cried out and smacked one hand against the window, pressing against him until I couldn’t take it anymore. Alistair felt my sensitive body tighten and groaned into my neck, losing himself as well. I whined audibly when he slipped from me, falling onto his back to catch his breath. When I turned my head to lock eyes with Alistair, Loki’s key and ring burned against my chest. The sensation ended just as fast as it began.

      I felt no guilt.

      “Did you ever pity me?” Alistair’s question took me from my daze and I was honest.

      “Never.”

** ** **

      We met only occasionally within his bedroom and the library between dinners or my work in the healing room. It wasn’t a torrid love affair. Life went on. Frequently, I worked in Loki’s study when I found the time; enjoying the silence with Naaki. There were moments with Alistair when we laid naked and I let him hold me to the solace of his chest. We spoke in short sentences full of sighs and murmurs. Asgard held feasts for weeks after the successful hunt; I was proud to brag about Thor when I could. I enjoyed dinners full of laughter and fingertips running the lengths of wine glasses that went untouched. My friends from the training grounds and healing room frequently made appearances in my life. I would not say I was happy but I was  _something_. I could start there.

      Only some nights did I find myself alone in bed, holding Loki’s cape to me before I fell into the comfort of sleep.

      Only sometimes did I see him in my dreams.

      “You’re going to be late,” Elise chuckled. She hurried with my hair, leaving most of it around my face.

      “Another day, another festival.” I leaned back, smoothing out the dark blue dress along my frame. “Though, I suppose it’s nice that Thor and I aren’t at the center of this.”

      “I haven’t seen the lanterns up close before.” Elise noted and Moira smiled next to her.

      “I have to meet Faleen soon, see you both during the festivities.”

      “You know where to meet the warriors, yes?” I stood up from my vanity.

      “Yes. See you there tonight.” Moira paced out as I turned to kiss Naaki’s head.

      “You behave in here for me, darling.” I watched my cat jump onto the bed and curl up when I picked up my bag. “Very good.”

      “Ready?”

      “Yes,” I followed Elise out, Alistair wordlessly came to my side. “You’re going to enjoy yourself, right?”

      “Yes, Volstagg said he’d escort me through all the great things with his wife and children." She spoke. "I said I’d assist in watching over them. You?”

      “Of course, I’m certain you’ll see me around. I’ve to bear witness to Thor winning the contests against the others warriors. Like always. We finally convinced him to join a few this year.” Elise and I came to an archway, viewing the festival across the grounds as music filled the air. “Volstagg is over there. I’ll meet you later tonight,” I kissed her cheek in parting and she eagerly joined the crowds. “Did you get to the festivals often, Alistair?”

      “Afraid not, princess.” We didn’t look at each other as we walked through crowds and I greeted people I passed toward the training grounds.

      “I’m certain that I can make this one memorable for you,” I turned my head, scars pulling when my lips twitched up.

      “I do not doubt it,” he kept up while I clutched the bag across my chest, finally spotting Thor. I kissed him good luck and took my place in the stands next to Sif, who would join the next contest. Warriors sparred and showed off all their strength, much to the crowd’s enjoyment. There was a break between contests and I pulled Sif with me toward an area where people were dancing.

      “Enjoying yourself?” I asked, laughing softly. She nodded as I dipped her when the song ended.

      “I’ll admit I am, you’re a better dance partner than most in this lot.”

      “May I cut in?” Thor appeared, looking cleaned up before he held his hand out for me. We had to make a noted appearance together. Instead, Sif tugged me back and replied.

      “I’ll duel you for her,” she quipped smartly and I chuckled.

      “Very funny,” Thor raised his brow. “I’m no match for you, Sif.”

      “Do well to not forget that,” Sif bowed her head. “I’ll see you both during the next contest.” Thor took my waist to dance to the next slower song, I smiled up at him.

      “We’re doing it, Thor. Eight months. Almost nine.” I exhaled, meeting his gaze.

      “I heard you submitted a paper on implanting protective runes within the brain to my mother and the head healers.” He smiled at me. “They loved it. Wherever did you come up with that?”

      “I had help,” I shrugged. “I just thought of what I’d learned on runes. Putting them in the head can be dangerous. If the wrong person took up manipulating the mind, they could do terrible things. But, if one could protect their mind from the influence of magic, even for a short time. It could do wonders against any foe from across the realms.”

      “Yes, they’re keeping it a secret for the time being,” Thor nodded. “Moreover, would we not require someone with a talent for safely going into one’s mind?”

      “I cannot say that I know such a person exists,” I touched Thor’s face and I felt him  _trying_. I felt him trying to enjoy himself here fully. I felt him trying to stay locked into the competitions. I felt him trying so hard to be happy. Kissing his cheek, I stepped back and bowed. “I’ll leave you for now. Have to say hello to more of our friends before the next contest.”

      “Of course,” Thor bowed his head in return before we parted.

      “I’ve noticed someone either missing or very late to the festivities.” I clasped my hands when Alistair flocked to my side. “Surely, I must pay Herlof a visit after this contest. I could use a walk from all this noise as well. What do you think, Alistair?” Light from the torches and moons illuminated his face, eyes bright with fire. “Would you try to stop me or can we be partners in danger once again?”

      “I would be disobeying my orders as your guard to leave you alone on such a night.”

** ** **

      “Sif practically destroyed her competition, the best one yet,” my head lulled back to enjoy the night breeze against my skin. “I have to be back in time for the lanterns.” Arms lifted, finger splaying when air rushed through my dress. This part of the city was empty and dark with the festival behind me. I wondered if Heimdall was looking at me, if he would go get help to stop me. I practically skipped across the cobblestone, holding my skirts before I spun and let Alistair watch me hold to a lamppost while I rounded a corner. Herlof’s house was lit from the inside. I could hear arguing from where I stood as I approached a window.

      “She needs you here!” His wife, Thea, pleaded.

      “I’m late,” Herlof brushed past her to ready his things. As they spoke heatedly, I slipped around toward a window and used magic to open it. Moonlight slipped along the form of their little girl who lay whimpering in her crib.

      “Now, now. Hush,” I reached out to trail my finger along her face, she felt of distress. I opened another window and slipped inside, hearing Alistair behind me.

      “What are you doing?” He muttered in my ear.

      “Look at this precious little girl,” I said instead like I was in a trance, lighting a lamp before I scooped her up to calm her. “Yes…you deserve better, do you not? You may not know now.” I sat down in a rocking chair when I heard footsteps, before the door opened.

      “ _You_!” Herlof’s eyes light with anger and he stopped when Alistair stepped next to me.

      “ _Shh_ , Herlof, I imagine that you do not wish to wake the baby,” I looked at Runa, eyes closed as I rocked her.

      “You’re insane, get out.” Herlof hissed. “I’ll call for guards.”

      “The closest guard here will not be offering his services to you, I’m afraid,” I looked up at Alistair’s apprehensive expression before I chuckled. “I’m just here for a talk. We're long due for one.”

      “I’ll kill you.” He threatened.

      “No, no, Herlof,” I smiled sweetly. “There will be a reckoning tonight, but I’m afraid that it’s yours. For years, I’ve watched you sneer at those around you. For years, I’ve watched you not appreciate the life that you have been given. I know. I’ve done the same on occasion. But, now, there is someone far more important than you in this world and she has your eyes. I don’t think you’ve looked at them.”

      “Herlof…what…? Princess, what are you doing here?” Thea bowed to me, shaken somehow.

      “So embarrassing when you get recognized,” I laughed nonchalantly and glanced at Alistair, wishing I knew what he was thinking. “You don’t have to bow to me. I’m not a princess. But, look at her. The life you both created. Millions of possibilities and this is the result. How can it not still take your breath away each morning?”

      “You think I picked this life?” Herlof dared to step forward and Thea looked up at him.

      “I think it’s high time you grow up and be what I know you can…or leave. You’re going to have to pick if you want to get through tonight, my friend. Men and women do not have to settle down and have a family. I won’t force you here. But, I will not let you harm this little girl. Whatever happened to you to make you so hateful, from this day forward…you are going to do everything in your power to ensure your daughter doesn’t have to endure it as well. She’ll have her own battles, you as parents must guide her. When you have a child, you forfeit the right to put yourself first.”

      “But,” Thea began.

      “ _No exceptions._ ” I pressed my teeth together. “Sometimes doing the best thing means leaving her in the care of someone who will do their job. Has he harmed you physically? Don’t lie, I’ll know.”

      “No, my lady.” She shook her head.

      “Have you taken the time to look at your daughter, Herlof? Memorized the eyes you gave her? You should.” I watched Herlof shake, glaring at me like he might burst. I was getting closer. “Did your father abandon you?”

      “Yes.” He gritted his teeth.

      “And your mother, she ignored you. Beat you.”

      _“Yes.”_ He shuddered. "Just as your rotting father."

       “We recognized this in each other so long ago. Those brief moments of connection between us. You felt it too. Do not fear it. Did you hate them? How long did you stay up during the night, praying to Valhalla that they would come to you? Hold you. Love you. How long before you let that hate in and gave it to everyone else around you. Some people are not meant to be parents. Some try anyways and fail. Some have the capacity but let their own problems control them. Some flourish.” I watched Herlof slip to his knees.

      “I hate you, damn it. I hate you.”

      “That is fine,” I got down to the level of the couple. Thea was clearly frightened and Herlof was beginning to crack. I could have touched his head. Made him a perfect drone. But, I wanted him to really learn. I wanted something authentic. “Look at your wife. Do you hold affections for her?” Herlof was breathing heavily. “Look at this little girl. Runa. Mighty strength… Hold her.”

      “No,” Herlof trembled and Alistair was near behind me. “ _No_.” An ugly sound broke from his throat.

      “ _Look_.” I insisted in a hard tone. “You owe her that much.” Herlof was sobbing, on his knees; chest heaving up and down before he flicked his gaze to the baby and snapped his head to the side. I could see Thea reaching out for Runa, holding herself together.

      “Do you love her?”

      “Yes, my baby, please. Don’t harm her.” She held out her arms and I nodded.

      “I assure you that I will not. But, I will also hold you accountable. If he ever harms either of you, you will come find me. You will get out. You will not subject your daughter to any of this. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be afraid. Promise me. Not that I think he will after this.”

      “Yes,” her eyes filled with tears. “I promise. Herlof…” Thea trailed off as Herlof sobbed before I inched forward.

      “I can’t.”

      “You can,” I pushed the baby into his big arms. “Hold your daughter. You created her and she is beautiful.” Herlof cradled her awkwardly and cried, breaking down fully. “Look at this life you created.”

      “Runa,” he spoke her name in shaken gasps for the first time.

      “Tell her you are sorry,” I began, eyes locked on him.

      “I’m sorry,” he cried. “I was weak.”

      “Yes…but, after today…the world around you will taste better. Look at your daughter, Herlof. Your mother was an abusive monster but you will become something great to spite her. You will live a life and she will be forgotten. Look.” I kept insisted and he did in little flickers. “Tell her she’ll never feel unsafe around you.”

      “I’ll keep you safe…”

      “Tell her that she is the most important person in your life… Tell her you will always protect her, love her, and be there for her. Don’t lie. Only say it if you mean it. If you wish to leave, get up and walk out.” Herlof stayed and cried and chanted my words. “Look at your wife. Hold her, only if she consents.” Thea allowed herself to be swept under his other arm. “Tell your family you’ll never hurt them. Both of you. Only if you mean the words with everything in you.” They held each other close while Herlof broke down. I longed to touch his temples but, I didn’t as I stood. “Now, forget you saw me. Live your life. Do your best. If you ruin it, I’ll know…and I’ll come for you. You are weak, Herlof…but, not anymore. I saved you once and you repaid the favor. This gift, I’ll give for free.” I’d been cracking this man down for years. While Herlof cried, I rounded the couple and walked out of their little home and into the wind. Alistair took my elbow and got me to look at him.

      “I half expected you to kill him.”

      “He was already dead,” I quirked up my brow, “I gave him life. Or at least, I reminded him of life.” Without an expression, I turned and kept walking. “Come with me, there is one more thing I have to do before I meet the others.” We walked in silence. I breathed in fresh air and let it caress me. When I arrived to the main grounds as they began to grow darker, the slow music beginning, I looked up while the lanterns began to rise from around the palace. “Breathtaking…are they not?” I pulled a fragile object from my bag and gently used magic to fix the wires that held the lantern I had readied up. Sighing, I stared up at the sky, the little lights danced above me to a chorus of strings. They intertwined with stars and danced together.

      I fell in love to these. Fully and completely.

      Loki did too. I may not have known then. But, I did now.

      He loved me so very much.

      Without a word, I illuminated my lantern with vibrant green light. It shined against my face so sweetly. Closing my eyes, I made a wish that would not come true before I released it to join the others.

      “I’m sure my friends miss me.” After watching it ascend, I made my legs take me back into the palace and climbed the steps to the tower we usually met at. “Forgive me for being late,” I muttered, earning smiles when they all waved me over. I didn’t sit, merely standing against a pillar to watch them as I leaned my head on the cold marble, setting my hand against it. Alistair joined the group, finding an empty spot on a bench. I looked out and spotted the speck of emerald light against the many silver and gold orbs.

      With a soft smile, I sent Loki the stars.

** ** **

      Another month passed as it neared a full year since the end of the bifrost. Since the end of Loki. I should not have wished. I should have been more careful. I was a fool.

      I was just a damned, little fool.

      Instantly, I knew something was wrong when I was awakened during the night from my slumber by a knock at the door. Alistair looked at me in his nightclothes as Elise and Moira pushed in behind him.

      “We’re to go to the throne room,” Elise rubbed her eyes.

      “It’s three in the morning,” I felt around for a robe. “What happened?” Alistair shrugged and Moira spoke, her tone worried me.

      “It’s the Queen. She’s requesting an audience with you, Thor, and your warrior friends. A few healers as well. They’re on their way.” Moira said nothing more and I looked up to see Faleen behind her with Thor.

      “You hear anything?” I asked them, smoothing my hair down.

      “No, I don’t know what happened,” Thor reached out for my hand and gently pulled me with him. Our skin sparked and I felt fear that never made it to Thor’s face. The others followed behind and we joined the little crowd in the throne room. Thor never released my hand while I took my place on the stairs with him, across from the Warriors Three. Fandral’s lips quirked up at me from his spot before Frigga entered, crossing the room with silent, deliberate steps. Odin looked down at her from his throne before she clasped her hands and delivered the words I’d only dreamed of for months.

      “Loki is alive.”

      I wanted to pretend I hadn’t heard her.

      I wanted to pretend that my breath hadn’t just left my body.

      But, I knew in my heart, that Frigga was always right.

      My hand crushed around Thor’s and he didn’t react when our fingers turned white together. His chest heaved with a breath before he blinked back any trace of emotion and tried to find some words. However, Odin was the first to get something out.

      “He fell into Yggdrasil itself, Frigga. His body would have been scattered across the universe,” Odin’s voice was tense but surprisingly gentle. Everyone was so frighteningly silent and the floodgates within me cracked opened.

      “Mother…” Thor stepped forward and I went with him, unable to let go. “Are you certain? Perhaps what you felt was…” He shook his head, unable to process this all.

      “He lives.” Frigga stepped up the stairs. “And he’s planning something…I cannot see much else. He is shrouded from my gaze again. But, it will involve the Tesseract. Loki's been compromised by unseen forces. We must find him. My son...he lives.” Murmurs broke out and I stumbled toward her, fingers finally releasing Thor.

      “No… He can’t be alive,” my eyes grew wide; the color was draining from me. “I saw him let go. We saw him… It would mean he landed _somewhere…alone_ and… _oh, gods, the whole time_?” Tears were filling my eyes and I looked at Thor. “He landed somewhere and kept himself hidden this entire time while we all… He landed alone and we never came for him.” I touched my stomach and slipped down into a seated position on the stairs, unable to think or stand. “Where is he?”

      “I’m afraid that is all I know for now. But, I’m certain that our son is alive. Odin…” Frigga clutched at her shawl and Thor came to my side. “We have to act soon.”

      “Heimdall will search until we find him.” Odin stood and I felt Thor’s hand cup the back of my neck to focus me. “Frigga, do what you can to find him again. The Tesseract is currently on Earth, being studied by mortals. They know not of what they’ve found. Should Loki come for it, we will act. It is no longer safe there. All warriors, with me now.” Odin was leaving, clasping Frigga’s hand on the way down the stairs. Thor kissed my forehead and felt broken somehow.

      “I’ll take her, dear,” Frigga hugged Thor tightly and let him go follow the group. “We’re fine.” She waved off my friends who approached me and Alistair, who stared at me with an expression I couldn’t read. When everyone else filed out, my hands lifted to my head as if to yank my own memories out but Frigga pulled at my arms.

      “Tell me you’re lying,” I begged, lips trembling while I looked up at her.

      “Loki  _is_  alive. I saw him. We’ll find him again.”

      “No,” I shook my head, crying softly.

      “You have to say the words and accept the truth of it,” she held my shoulders and got me to look at her.

      “ _Show me,_ ” I hissed and Frigga took my hand, her heart was aching, before she pressed it to her temple. The shock sent a blast of fire down my spine as my head snapped back. I was soaring again, through the universe, across the darks lands of floating, molten rocks. _Sanctuary._ A shadow stretched out among the harsh landscape before a man in black turned. Pale was his sickly face I could barely see.  _Loki_ … Frigga’s voice beckoned and his green eyes lifted.

      “ _Mother_ ,” he breathed, looking like a corpse in this dim light. I could still scarcely make out his features.  _“Forgive me…now just is not a good time_ …” His voice rasped before he lifted his hand and I was sent back, hitting the stairs hard when I ripped away. Frigga held my arms down when I gasped for air and went limp before she released me. Numb, I laid there on the golden steps and looked up at the ornate ceiling above me.

      “You must say it, we have to move forward.” Frigga stood, brow furrowing with sadness.

      “Loki…” I tasted his name. “He is alive. He is going to do something awful. Again.” When the world didn’t crash in around me, I stood and followed Frigga out of the room.

      “I know nothing of what Loki is planning, nor was I able to find his precise location but, these events are bigger than all of us.” Frigga took my arm and led me down a set of stairs. “From now on, you must do exactly as I say.”

      “Why are we going to the Weapons Vault?” I asked when I realized it.

      “You and I are going to take steps to ensure that what can happen will not.” Frigga turned to me. “I know you have a lot of questions…and I know you’ve been studying the infinity gems. You may not realize it, but every single thing we’ve all done will have consequences. You. Me. Thor. Odin. And Loki. But, the safety of the future must come first. You have so much to offer these realms.”

      “If the Tesseract is a gem, where are the rest?” I asked softly and she pulled me along with her again.

      “They will appear exactly when they need to.” We went into the Vault and down the stairs. “I need you to do something for me. Pick that up, tell me what you feel.” She pointed to a golden gauntlet that I recognized. Watching her, I rounded its pedestal and carefully swept it up. Nothing came up instantly but I closed my eyes and focused.

      “The dark land…I see it again…” I exhaled, shaking.

      “What do you feel?” I was in smoke. I figure turned with glowing eyed to see me looking back.

      “Power. Fear. Death… I…” _You._ Suddenly, I screamed out and dropped it, backing up while I covered my lips with my hands. “A man…he pushed me away. How did he…?” My eyes darted for answers before I focused on Frigga. "He...knew me."

      “What was his name?”

      “I don’t… I don’t know. He was large. No...not a man. A titan. He smiled like he knew me. Like he knew things about me that I didn't. I don’t know. Please, don’t make me do that again.” I held myself and shook my head. “He was so angry with me…but, he felt…pride as well. Like a father would for a daughter.”

      “You do not have to do it again…you’re safe.” Frigga picked up the gauntlet and touched my shoulder. “We’re going to destroy this. It is not safe here. It cannot be anywhere. Those seeking it will bend something else to wield this incomparable power. We have to stop it. You must do everything to save them all.” I took her words to heart. Frigga waved her hand and summoned the new Destroyer from its slumber, the lattice gate slipped away and it stepped forward. Clanking loudly, Frigga set the gauntlet on its pedestal and gave a simple command after we’d moved. The Destroyer blasted the powerful object into nothingness before retreating.

      “What are we going to do?” I whispered to Frigga.

      “Find Loki and if need be…stop him.” Frigga paused. “The infinity gems are the most powerful objects in the universe. Odin and I took steps to separate them long ago. But, our influence is waning. So now, we either put them in capable hands…or destroy them as we receive them.”

      “How can we know who is capable and who is not?”

      “The stones…” Frigga gazed at me. “Each one. They’ll know. Promise me.” She whispered my name and the magnitude of the situation reached me fully; in truth, I was not sure what I was promising her.

      “I promise.”

      “Good girl.”

      “How did we miss him?” I changed my tone, shaking my head.

      “Loki always had a way of slipping through the cracks.”

** ** **

      Running back to my room, I saw warriors leaving and spotted Alistair turning the corner. When we were alone, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the library with me; slamming the door behind us. “Are you alright?” He asked first, murmuring my name after.

      “No,” I turned my head to the side. “What did Odin say?”

      “Asgard is now on high alert.” Alistair stepped forward and I tossed my arms around his neck. After a moment, he returned the embrace and buried his face in my hair. “We have to stop, do we not?” We parted and I took his hands, he felt somber and didn’t hide it.

      “Yes, I think we do.” I exhaled quietly. “Tomorrow.” I looked up and met Alistair’s gaze before I pulled him up the stairs with me until we got to the third level. In the flickering candlelight, I tugged him to the floor with me and kissed him sweetly; without need. He pulled off my clothing and covered my skin with tender kisses, lingering between my legs and I returned the embrace when he came up to slide into me. We breathed silently on the floor and rocked together in lazy motions. I absorbed every flicker of affection and soft sigh from him; let him lace his fingers into my hair as he held me tight and we found release together. “Would you like to say it…just once…to get it out of our system?” I touched his face and held onto the feeling of peace for as long as I could. Alistair looked down at me with dark eyes before he got up onto his knees, bringing me with him. We clasped hands and stared at each other for a long moment as messy hair fell around my shoulders.

      “I love you,” Alistair breathed gently against me, “ _brat_.”

      “I love you as well,” I replied in a murmur, “ _guard_.”

      “And after this?” His lips twitched upward and I smiled softly.

      “Just as you said. Just as we have always been. You are a guard and sworn to my side. That is all anyone needs to know.”

** ** **

      The next day, I met Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three in our usual spot. We all remained silent for too long before Thor broke the tension next to me.

      “So, what is our plan? We need one now.”

      “What can we possibly do?” Volstagg shrugged and I glanced at Alistair briefly behind me.

      “Frigga and Heimdall cannot make out any plan of action…or see him. But, they both know that something bigger is going on here.” I offered, clasping my hands.

      “If Loki is forced to play a pawn in a larger game-”

      “We don’t know that, Thor,” Sif piped up gently and Thor’s hands clenched, causing me to take one. He was unbearably tense and frustrated beyond all reason. There was just so much pain. But, I did not let go.

      “I will bring my brother home,” he vowed finally. “By any means.”

      “There is danger. We need a wider image,” Hogun looked at me. “You are a sorcerer, is there a way?”

      “Nothing safe.” I smoothed my fingers over Thor’s knuckles and caught sight of my engagement ring. I wanted to laugh hysterically suddenly. “I could look into it but I doubt the library will offer me anything good.”

      “I could sneak you into the forbidden tomes,” Thor tried and the door opened, Moira appeared with Faleen and Elise behind her.

      “There is a way,” she shut the door behind her and looked at me. “As you said, it is not safe.” No one seemed to care that she’d been eavesdropping.

      “We’ll try anything,” Thor straightened up.

      “We could contact the Norns. They sit between Valkyries and demons. They see all, as we know.” Moira’s words shook the room.

      “No one has done that in centuries.” Sif sat back.

      “No one had done it and lived in centuries,” Fandral corrected, eyebrow quirking up.

      “I think we should try,” Thor stated after a moment of contemplation. As they spoke, I found myself drifting out. Thinking of Loki. Floating. Falling. Did he cry and scream and pray we’d find him? Did he give up hope? Did he miss me? Why didn’t he try to come back to me? To us? I closed my eyes, leaning forward to put my head in my hands.

      “We need Heimdall,” I stated, cutting into the conversation. “We need him to tell us how and where. And we need to go contact the Norns. Thor and Moira are right.”

      “What if Heimdall instead tells the king what we plan to do?” Fandral shrugged.

      “He didn’t last time,” Sif replied, staring at the soft fire between us all.

      “We’ll go now.” Thor stood and beckoned for me. “Re-group here after dinner.”

      “Hurry,” Moira stated after us as Thor and I left the room alone.

      “This will be faster,” Thor, in no mood, picked me up and took off through the air. My arms shifted around his neck and I didn’t fight him on it. Heimdall made no move when Thor landed behind him.

      “You realized that the Norns could kill you? They struck a truce with Valkyries but Asgardians and mortals alike are fair game for them both.” Heimdall began. “Why should I assist in that?”

      “Death is not certain in contacting them. We have to try,” Thor let me down and paced forward.

      “And you believe in this plan as well?” Heimdall turned to peer at me so I looked up at my friend.

      “I believe in Thor,” I pressed my lips together. “Just as you.”

      “Heimdall. I need you.” Thor admitted, coming to his friend’s side. “We need to know how and where to contact them.”

      “Why not wait for Loki to show himself?” Heimdall quirked up his brow.

      “We cannot wait for that. It did not work the last time,” Thor’s tone shook. “There is more going on here.”

      “You’ll have to wait for the next full moon.” Heimdall began, looking out at the sky ahead of him.

      “What else?” Thor peered at me briefly.

      “They will demand a sacrifice. The ways of old.”

      “We will give them one,” Thor insisted and I clasped my hands together. “Tell me where now.”

      “A cave. Under the light of a full moon. The sacrifice must drink from the water. I can show you where to go when the time comes. Thor, it won’t be easy.”

      “Nothing ever is.”

** ** **

      Thor flew me back to the palace and didn’t speak as he paced down the hall. It took me a moment to catch up with his large strides. Unable to bear this tension, I grabbed for his arm and yanked at him.

      “Thor, stop.” I urged and he turned with intense eyes.

      “We cannot,” he shook his head and tried to go but I got in front of him.

      “Wait!” I pushed at him. “I need you to slow down.” Thor exhaled through his nose and stayed with his gaze fixed on me.

      “We know what we have to do.”

      “Yes.” I nodded. “The next full moon is mere weeks away. We’ll prepare until then. Did you ever think it would come to this?”

      “No.” Thor’s low baritone vibrated and I furrowed my brows together.

      “What will happen if we see him again?” I whispered finally.

      “I failed Loki once. I won’t do it again.”

      I wondered if it was too late now.

      “Can I ask you a painful question?” I turned my gaze up to his and he nodded at me wordlessly. “They told you about Loki? The truth, I mean. What did you think?”

      “Loki is my brother. Blood of not. We’re going to bring him home.” Thor paused. “I think about terrible things I’ve said that may have pushed him. I cannot take them back.”

      “We can make this right again.”

      I was a fool.

** ** **

      “A  _sacrifice_?” Fandral was the first to protest.

      “Thor, it’s too risky.” Sif added, Volstagg gave a sound of agreement next to her.

      “It’s the only option,” Moira shrugged and Elise sat down next to me. “Unless you all want to wait to be blindsided. The Norns are not good nor bad, they flit between cool breaths and spark. They know all. They see all. Fate is always on their side, they see the power in these realms. In this group. They shall respond to it. The Valkyries will protect us. They've kept the Norns in line for ages.”

      “We will do this. All of us. I will offer myself,” Thor decided but I stood.

      “We’ll offer me.” When I earned voices of protest, I went on. “We can’t risk losing Thor. You can risk me.” Elise took my hand and I felt her begging me not to.

      “I chose this,” Thor tried but I shook my head.

      “You can’t,” Fandral added eagerly.

      “Let me do it.” I insisted. “We need Thor alive more than you need me. You all know I’m right. Asgard needs you, Thor. The realms need you. Besides, I know in my heart they’ll come if we use me.”

      “Why is that?” Hogun spoke and I sat down, feeling every gaze in the room.

      “My mind has been…opened already. In a manner of speaking. Once by Nerien. Then…by Loki. He never told you how he got my memories back. Loki used blood magic to go into my head and bring me out. Once a gate like that has been opened. It never fully closes. I did not understand it at the time. But, I do now. You have to use me. Offer me to the Norns. Ask your questions. And perhaps they will allow me to come back.” I clasped my hands and leaned forward. “They’ll eagerly sate their appetites.”

      “You do know what you are agreeing to?” Thor touched my arm and he believed in me.

      “Yes. Come the next full moon. We’re all going to the place Heimdall specified.” I surveyed the room. Alistair did not seem terribly happy with my choice but, like the rest of them, he would accept it. “And we’re going to kill me.”

      No one spoke after that as we all looked into the burning fire.

** ** **

      The night air was cold and silent as we rode through it. I remember leaning against Thor the whole time while he held me and Elise laced her hand into mine. They both felt of fear. No one dared to speak until we arrived to the cave. Moira prepared me to look the part in a loose gown that wrapped around me several times, the fabric was near see through and flowed behind me. We planned how this would go and we could only pray that I would return to them. Thor went into the cave first, leading us as moonlight spilled in through cracks above. The small water pool at the end was an eerie color of glowing blue. Thor bent down to survey it, glancing back at me.

      “All right?”

      “Never better,” I heard the others get into place behind me to prepare. Pulling my bag off, I picked out the familiar metal cuff and clamped it around my wrist. “My body’s instinct is going to be to fight. This will ensure I cannot.” I pressed a key into Thor’s hand and kissed his cheek, unable to feel his emotions anymore. “I want you, Sif, and Alistair to do it.”

      “We’ll do our part.” Sif stepped forward and touched my shoulder briefly.

      “Moira will ensure we do this correctly and chant the words, beckoning them to us.” Thor nodded and I turned to smile at Fandral behind me. He looked like he might cry so I put my arms around him before I walked to pull Hogun off to the side while everyone else prepared behind me.

      “I need a favor.”

      “Anything,” he offered.

      “Fandral is going to try to stop this. Don’t allow him.” I clasped my hands and he bowed his head to me.

      “It will be done, my friend.”

      “Thank you, Hogun.” I joined the others and Elise tossed her arms around me. She was shaken up and trying not to weep.

      “Please, don’t go.”

      “I must,” I took her face. “We can do this.”

      “I’ve got her,” Faleen beckoned Elise into her arms and rubbed her back to calm her. I offered her a light smile of thanks. “We all agreed to give you no goodbyes. You won’t need them.”

      “Thank you, Faleen.”

      “We must start.” Moira opened the book of notes in her hands as I tugged off my shoes. “Into the water.” Exhaling, I watched Thor get in first before he helped me in. Sif and Alistair followed and I felt Alistair press his hand into my back when he passed me. Swallowing, I tried not to give into fear as Thor pulled a dagger from his waist. “Blood and hair.” I offered him my palm and sucked in air when he sliced it carefully, dripping blood upon the rocks and into the water. I cut a few strands of hair at the bottom of my scalp before I pressed them into the blood smeared along the rocks. I looked up at my friends one last time and Thor led me further away.

      “We’ll find out what we need before they consume you,” he promised me and I exhaled. “Drink. You'll need it.” A flask was pressed into my hand before I gulped the burning alcohol. “Alistair.”

      “Yes, my prince,” my guard cupped his hands to fill them with water before I drank it, flickering my eyes to his when I touched his knuckles. Thor stated something in our ancient tongue before Moira was muttering chants upon the rocks. Exhaling, I took my place at the center and Sif pour some water on my head, soaking my hair. Thor took me in his arms, almost sweetly, and dipped me back until I was submerged. He brought me up once and then repeated the action as my hands curled around his clothes when my pulse sped. The third time, he didn’t let me back up. Submerged in the cold, silent waters now, I held my breath until my lungs burned. Unable to stand it, I began to struggle but Sif and Alistair joined Thor to hold me down. I kicked and clawed against them, unable to reach the sweet relief of air.

      And then I was drowning.

      Dying the way I feared most.

      It hurt. Everything ached and burned and, in truth, I was so scared.

      My mouth opened to cry out and I began to choke.

      I heard screaming.

      I didn’t know whose.

      It echoed in my ears.

      Light blinded me.

      And then it was dark.

** ** **

      “Thor! Stop! We have to stop this!” Fandral was fighting against Hogun and Volstagg. Elise was weeping into Faleen’s shoulder. Moira had fallen to her knees.

      “She’s gone,” Thor kept his grip on her. “Get out, both of you.” Sif and Alistair climbed out of the water. “Come on.” Thor shook her body under the water before his vision blurred. “Come on!”

      “Thor…” Sif began, her hand pressing to her heart. Alistair was deathly quiet next to her.

      “No! It’ll work!” Thor insisted, sniffing hard before he released the body until it floated to the bottom. “Where are they? Bring her back!” Anger was beginning to fill him until the water rippled suddenly.

      “Thor, you must leave the water,” Moira piped up, causing him to scramble back and out of it. The ripples grew until the moonlight beamed down between cracks in thick strips. Wind picked up and the cave began to shake.

      “Get back, all of you!” Thor put his arms out and everyone did so before the blue and gold lights blinded them. Her body rose from the water, perfectly dry; wisps of magic light flowing about her while her hair and dress moved gracefully like her form was still submerged. Eyes opened, bright white lights staring into the group below, a wind pushed them around. The faces of the Norns would have blinded them if they weren't inside their friend. The branches of Yggdrasil itself grew behind her, connecting the realms together like a web. Stars formed into bright constellations. It was breathtaking and utterly terrifying. When she opened her mouth, the low tone that spoke rasped into cackles. Sparks echoed on purple lips. Many voices twisted as one.

      “ _Fools_. You dare mock us like this?” Her head tilted, fingers splaying out and rhythmically bending ever so often.

      “Where is Loki?” Thor piped up in a rush, daring to step forward. Stars shifted through the air and went through him like smoke.

      "Speak up!" Moira ordered in a harsher voice.

      “Building an army,” she pointed a shaken finger toward him, growling like an animal. “Or so he thinks.” Her chest shuddered with horrific laughter. “You think your  _love_  will bring him back? He will deceive and be deceived. Just as you. Only one can walk the path between you both...you'll lose your grip, boy.”

      “What are his intentions with the Tesseract?” Thor went on, seething with rage while she hovered above him made of light.

      “ _Pathetic_.” She mused, leaning over before tilting her head like euphoria was flowing into her. “He thinks he’ll win. He was  _warned_.” Only Moira noticed the bright eyes flicker to her. “The sky will fall and then so to shall he. Again and again. Never to rise unless bid. Tell me, Thor Odinson,  _false_  prince. Will you go with him this time? How much blood will you shed for those you love? ”

      “Enough!” Thor boomed. “Where is he?!”

      “Dealings…with the leaders of the Chitauri. You won’t find him. Not until he comes for the Tesseract. Blood will be spilt. Fool, he doesn’t even know of the power the he wields. The power he had within his own hands for so long and tossed aside. They will it that way. He’s a pathetic little pawn, thinking he can be a king.”

      “What does he have?”

      “It doesn’t belong to him. He’ll cry and scream when he realizes it.” She laughed. “And this sacrifice you offered us. Her taste is…unlike anything we’ve known. Soon she will see her potential. Stars will fall behind the glow of her eyes. She won't be crying. She will laugh and take the hand offered. The hand of her only equal upon these nine realms. Not any of you. Not Loki. Not even the one who guides his cold hands. No...no. She will know peace and then ravage it with the one who has yet to touch the soil of the new world. She does not believe in fate. Not anymore. But, she will. She’ll torture herself with it. Much like you will, Odinson.”

      “Thor, this cannot go on,” Sif muttered and Thor knew they were running out of time.

      “The stones will draw those they need to it. Blood will rain down upon all of you. Remember to dance in it.” She arched her back when sparks shot across her body.

      “What do you know of the stones? How will they come together?”

      “The infinite six,” she growled. “ _Cannot be joined or kept apart!_ People will claw and carve to get them. Only one can succeed. The gems always choose. They've already begun. You think the Tesseract thrives alone. It feels the tug. They’ll steal your will and still you won’t  _see_...” Her voice hitched up, gripped with pure insanity.

      “How do we get to Loki?” Thor asked quickly.

      “Ask the man you call father!  _Ah!”_ Her will was waning slowly and Thor had to keep control. “The House of Odin is full of liars. Even now…you don’t see.” High pitched laughter tore from her throat. “You believe you’re on your own? Blinded. All of you. Your brother will fail…as will you. The girl with blaze the path ahead of you both. Only her. She speaks for the dead.”

      “Help us!” Thor snarled. “Stop this!”

      “No, not even we can give you what you seek,” she hissed aloud, limbs shaking. “Ah…she is fighting us. We’ll let you keep her for now, she will be of use later to you…and you will regret it. Deep down. Until it matters. Let her pursue the life of a hero and god. Let her be the messiah. Let her send these nine realms tumbling and grasping. We shall wait and see. Be wary of your next steps, Thor Odinson, you are the other side to Loki’s coin…and one side will always be shrouded in darkness.” She let out a pained yell before light exploded, sending them all back. A splash sounded. Alistair reached the water first, pulling her from the depths.

      “ _Open your eyes, brat_ ,” he muttered, cradling her close. Elise rushed past Thor with a blanket to cover her as they laid her against the rocks. Thor took his fiancé’s face and pressed their lips together to breathe life into her.

      “You have to live!” Elise cried out. Thor repeated the action. Sif pressed her fists against her friend’s chest and pumped before she tried to breathe air into her next. The silence was maddening them all.

      “Come on,” Thor was praying to himself, uttering her name. “Please! Don’t leave me here. You cannot leave us alone here. Not now. Wake up. Do not leave me...”

** ** **

      I remember being pulled in different directions. Manic laughter. Screaming. Light. Darkness. Falling. The voices. All of them hiding behind my ears.

      And then I coughed.

      The blue of Thor’s eyes covered my field of vision when I arched up, body remembering how to function. Large arms gathered me up and signaled for those around me to back up. I was alive.

      “We’re here. Are you with us?” Moira was taking my cold hand to heal it. I blinked and managed to nod, shaken to the core when I remembered the voices.

      “They don’t know what’s coming,” Thor decided aloud, voice breathless. “Do you remember?”

      “Yes…” I relished the air entering my lungs and tried to sit up. Thankful murmurs of joy crossed my ears and I was certain each of them touched me once to ensure that I was real. “Loki will come for Midgard.”

      “We’ll come for him in turn.” Thor paused. “First, I will go speak with my father and we must prepare for the worst. Are you well enough to stand?”

      “Yes,” I felt him take my arms and pull me up, Elise secured the blanket around me. Thor pulled the cuff off and handed it to Sif to drop into another bag. “It worked…”

      “Come, let’s get you warmed up,” Thor pulled me along until we got outside. He set me in the vehicle and touched my hair to kiss my head. He felt of pure fear and total relief. “Give her some space, let’s collect everything we need. You did so well, I am proud of you.” He'd offered, beaming and I returned it, nodding mutely. They all left me alone and I stared at the moon, allowing the blanket to fall from my arms. What would I do in the future that made the Norns so happy to leave me here? Fate was twisted and cruel and I’d been fighting it for years. I glanced at my hands and closed my eyes to inhale sharply, pulling myself together. Wind swept my hair to the side like a lover would before they’d kiss your neck.

       _“Have you missed us?”_  A voice broke into my silence.

      Nerien.

       _“We missed you…we’ve always been there. Floating in your mind. Let us build up that castle now.”_

“I’m coming for you, Loki. I'll find you.”

      My eyes opened while I tilted my head back to look at the sky. The stars offered no answers to my questions anymore. Loki was out there. We’d meet again. Sooner than we both thought. Everything that had happened was connected somehow. After the endless whispers all broke into the cracks of my brain at once, one of my own thoughts seeped in. My lips split into a grin that I remembered well, the scars tugging along my cheeks.

_Must investigate further._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Alistair and the Lady's souls were meant to twist and heal but not join at the end. The Norns will play a larger role from here on. Next one picks up with The Avengers!! Mortal characters to come! I loved writing them. Not everything will be the same and not every character will exist/be the actor that played them. Ships will be light and follow comic/movie canon for the most part. Be sure to visit the lovely http://its-a-kaze.tumblr.com/ as she does fanart for me. Thanks and prepare for major movie mashups!!!


	26. The Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another month later, Thor and the Lady come together in their pursuit of Loki on Midgard. They encounter a group of mortals and come together for something greater. This is only the beginning for them all. Loki goes up against the people he loves most after dealings with a malicious titan. The Lady has somewhat of her own agenda and bonds with mortals. Long chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few Shield characters, like Coulson, won't appear at all sry. Timeline/events, lore, and lines change. When I write, I don't always with the movies actors in mind, which is no offense to them tbh. Like my Maria Hill is Viola Davis and my Clint Barton is Charlie Hunnam. Writing new characters was so scary but exciting. Lots of build up for the marvel verse happening. Brief csa mention.

        “Would you like to talk about it?”

        “No,” I passed Moira while I paced the busy healing room before I stopped. “Yes. Why haven’t we heard anything?"

        “Thor is still with the King. Frigga will come for you, I know it.” She eased, touching my shoulder. I took a deep breath and leaned against a counter.

        “We’ve had so many scares this month,” I paused. “We can’t lose him again. I can't.”

        “I swear to you,” Moira met my gaze. “You won’t. The cards are never wrong.” She got me to smile, exhaling. “Are you still having night terrors?”

        “They have…eased. I imagine this is what happens when you die to contact the Norns.”

        “Valkyries and Norns have a rich and lengthy history. Chaos between them both. Let me know if I can do anything for you.” Moira offered. I let her embrace me tightly before she rubbed my back and we got back to work. I shifted to another counter next to where Alistair stood at his post, my hands shook as I fumbled with potions.

      “I’m frightened of those I love again,” I murmured and he remained looking ahead of himself. “I can’t just stand here.”

      “You must,” he sighed, hand nudging mine before he met my eyes. “It will not be long now, princess. They practically emptied the rest of the palace. Things are changing.” Men and women along the healing room kept shooting me smiles of sympathy whenever we locked eyes. Rubbing my forehead, my hands shook so I busied away with my work until the doors opened. Spinning, I met Frigga’s gaze and froze when she gestured for me to come with her silently. Moira, sensing my distress, took my arm gently and pulled me forward.

      “It’s going to be all right,” she kissed my cheek and muttered in my ear. “You must go. We’ll pray for you all.” I managed to squeeze her hand before the doors shut and Alistair followed me out. It took me another moment while I clasped my hands and let out a breath.

      “Well?” I swallowed and looked up at her face before my entire world shifted.

      “We found him.” Frigga was surprisingly calm on the outside and I was afraid to touch her. My heart shuddered. “Our next moves are crucial. Come. Alistair, you will take your post at my study and wait for our arrival.” Alistair’s eyes drew to mine before he bowed and turned to go. I felt less safe when he’d left. Following after Frigga to the throne room, I didn’t get to exchange words with the Warriors Three and Sif as they were just leaving. Their faces held matching sobered expressions and my blood grew colder. The King stood alone on the stairs with only Thor in front of him.

      “We don’t have much time,” Odin began when I entered and bowed.

      “Where is he?” I spoke instantly. “Were we right? Is he on Midgard now?”

      “Yes, he pursues the Tesseract.” Odin’s hands clenched and I tried to breathe evenly. “He’s waging a war. Mortals have died because of him. If we do not move now, I fear that-”

      “I have to end this and bring him home, Father,” Thor’s voice was quieter than I expected and I stepped closer to him. “Loki’s dealings with the Chitauri must be severed. We know barely anything about them, but they cannot have the upper hand.”

      “Be aware of this, Thor,” Frigga’s hands were clasped tightly. “There are others who pursue him. Mortals. It was the last I saw. We have to put on end to all of this.”

      “Heimdall reported that Loki also stole the Tesseract from them.” Odin added and Thor’s teeth clenched.

      “Loki means to get revenge against those I’ve sworn to protect, I must go. Now.”

      “The Observatory is no use to us,” Odin began, “but there is another way.”

      “Another way?” Thor narrowed his gaze. “Why hold this information from me until now?” I remembered what the Norns had stated about Odin and didn’t react.

      “There are a great many things I do not tell you.” Odin responded without regret and I was shaking. “And there are things even I wish I did not know of.” He held his staff tightly and stood taller. Briefly, his eye flickered to me and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

      “Dark energy?” Thor realized just as I did. “You can harness it.”

      “It will hold a cost for both of us, we have one chance and another will not come. With the next Convergence mere years away...” Odin responded.

      “Ah,” Thor exhaled, clutching Mjolnir in his hand before he rounded our group to stand at the center of the room. “I will do anything and pay any price if it means getting to Earth. We don’t have time to figure this further.”

      “Then, I shall transport you to Midgard.” Odin held his staff toward his son. “Retrieve the Tesseract at any cost. With it, we shall rebuild the Bifrost. Bring it, and Loki, home.”

      “I will,” Thor swore and the power seeped back into his voice.

      “I’ll go with you,” my voice strained with emotion when I stepped toward him. I looked at Thor and suddenly found myself remembering how much he’d grown and how much I respected and loved him. Thor’s lips pressed into a slight smile so I rushed forward to hold him to me.

      “Your place is with Frigga now,” Odin offered quietly.

      “ _You’re not alone,_ ” I muttered into Thor’s ear in our ancient tongue. "I love you."

      "And I love you... I'll find him." His arm pressed into my back and he nodded when I parted from him. Frigga, unable to stop herself, hugged her son next tightly.

      “Bring your brother home to us,” she touched his face. “Come back safely, my son.”

      “Know that you shall not be able to return to us if you fail.” Odin added gravely and I held myself as I backed up with Frigga. Thor dropped to one knee, bracing himself. “Heimdall will report to us. We all believe in you, my son. Bring peace to Midgard.”

      “I’m ready,” Thor closed his eyes and bowed his head. Something dark was swirling through the space as Frigga took my arm.

      “We must go,” she began to usher me out but I resisted. “We cannot stay for this.”

      “Wait,” I tried to stay back, my eyes on Thor. He peeked open one eye at me and smiled again to reassure me. He shouldn't be doing this alone.

      “Come,” Frigga took my wrist and the doors shut. She picked up her dress and began to jog, causing me to as I stumbled behind her in my healer robes still. “We have a job.” She rushed me to her study and Alistair barely had the time to bow before we went in.

      “Elise,” I gasped when I passed him and he nodded, understanding before the doors shut. Frigga’s mirror stood in front of me in all its glory as she brought it to life; picking up glass buttons to press against the white, glowing surface. As she turned and moved them around, lights swirled within and the mirror came to life like gentle ocean waves.

       “Your friends are taking care for things outside the palace. Heimdall is watching. With this…we can as well. Last time, you let it pull you. This time, I want you to focus yourself on Thor. Project yourself to him. Find my son.” Frigga pointed and I stepped forward with her encouragement. “Your tasks for me begin now. The promises we vowed together. Put your hands on each of those white pads and let your mind guide you. Tell me what you see.”

      “Frigga…I’m not…” I trailed off and shook my head before she touched my back to encourage me. Taking a deep breath, I reached out but paused.

      “The King…and Thor. The process will weaken them. Is that what he meant by a price?”

      “Yes. Eir and Elisif will care for Odin. We’ve prepared for this.”

      “Loki…what have you done?” I whispered, looking at Frigga’s mirror before I steeled myself and touched the pads deliberately. Something stung up my spine and I cried out but didn’t pull back. I had to know that Thor was safe. So, I looked at my reflection in the mirror before I was tugged forward. Falling. No, I was flying. Floating like the shade I could once create long ago. I reached out and hovered above a large crater in the Earth along a forest. It was dark out. Unfamiliar stars twinkled above me. A single moon shined. Smoke rose and Mjolnir was alone as Thor’s body lie arched against the Earth. “Thor?” I spoke but I didn’t hear myself. “Frigga, I see him… Thor, get up!” My friend gasped and coughed, torso shooting up. He strained to stand. Thor breathed heavily and lifted his gaze to the sky before he summoned Mjolnir and lightning stuck him with new found vigor. “Thor!” I waved and called out before he looked right at me.

      “You’re…” He stepped forward and his hand went through my cheek like smoke. “I am safe. I have to begin. Can you feel Loki?” I closed my eyes and tried to force my mind elsewhere. This time, I struggled as if something was pushing me away once I got close. But, then I heard a voice.

      _“You were made to be ruled…”_

      _Loki above a crowd in armor. Eyes wide with power and lust and so much hate._

_His features blurred together and when I looked at him, I kept seeing him from the back._

_Look at me, Loki._

_He didn’t._

_Midgardians pursuing him._

_Screaming._

      “North!” I gasped. “The mortals will beat you to it and take him prisoner… Go!”

      Thor didn’t need to be told twice, flying high into the air.

      I tried to keep up but only saw flashes.

      _Loki…_

      _“Did you mourn?”_ His voice bled into my ears.

      I kept reaching toward his back, only to be tugged away. A shadow loomed over me, watching. Intrigued.

      _“We all did.”_ Thor had replied, vibrating with untold emotions. 

      A battle.

      New allies.

      That scepter.

      Something terrible would happen.

      The mortals wouldn’t back down. Earth was in danger. The shadows chuckled and beseeched me to turn. I didn't.

      As Loki was taken prisoner again, his eyes suddenly darted to me when I managed to push my mind closer with little difficulty. Pain exploded in my brain as if someone else was trying to push me from him. “You…” he breathed. “No. You’re not real. You never are.”

      I wondered if I’d haunted him in his time away.

      Unable to stand it, my will bent and I was tossed away from the mirror completely. My head cracked against the floor and Frigga rushed to my side.

      “Stay down,” she pressed a handkerchief to my nose and I realized blood was dripping from it. “You were intercepted. They’ll keep pushing you from them.”

      “No, I need to get back,” I sniffed and jumped up but Frigga took my arms.

      “You’ve endured too much in the past month. The Norns. This could-”

      “I know. I do, but I cannot stop,” I rubbed my head. “I don’t want Thor to do this alone. I must help him. I want to help bring Loki home. Frigga, I saw Loki carrying a scepter, the stone in it…I can’t explain it. I felt the same way I did when I saw the Tesseract for the first time. Space stone. If he holds two infinity gems, Thor and those mortals will need all the help they can get. Thor wasn’t given orders to bring that scepter back, we cannot have it left on Earth.”

      “Are you certain of what you saw?” She asked and I nodded quickly.

      “I’m sure. Loki…he’s controlling people somehow with it. I can stop it. My powers. Runes. It’s all connected now. I’m sure it’s-”

      I hated fate with every fiber of my being.

      “The mind stone. _Gods.”_ Frigga touched her lips and shook her head. “Those who gave Loki that mind stone...who ordered him to take the Tesseract...most certainly did not expect to allow him to keep them.”

      The realization hit us both hard.

      “Can I go back in? Thor met with some mortals and they took Loki prisoner. I have to-”

      “Whoever is communicating with Loki through his mind will only keep you away.” She insisted.

      “Then send me to Earth too.” I decided and she paused. “I’ll help Thor and ensure the safety of the stones. This was a task you and I began together. You made me promise. Let me do this. I know I’m not allowed and I know Odin won’t send me but, I know you are stronger than him. I know you can do it too. I can’t stand here while Loki is there. I can’t do it…and if I cannot be of any use through your mirror, then I must go. I’ve already died, what more can happen to me?”

      Frigga’s fist clenched against her heart and I realized then that a great deal more would happen to me.

      But, I felt instantly that this was my path. Frigga knew all.

      “We don’t have much time. Sneak away to your chambers. Prepare. You have all of ten minutes. You must understand…that in choosing this…the events that will play out…” Frigga shook her head.

      “Frigga…what am I going to do?” My eyes sparkled briefly and she put her hands to her mouth. There was pain in her.

      “You know that I cannot offer you that. You’ve carried burdens all your life and I wish that there was another way. I wish…” She sniffed and stopped herself. “I know you shall do the right thing and I wish with all my heart that the right thing was also the easy and just thing. But, it is not and you know that. You live your life in that. Brave girl. Hearts of good and evil will flock just to be near you. It will change you. It won’t come easy.”

      “It never does.”

      “Go.”

** ** **

      When I arrived to my room, Alistair opened the door for me and Elise jumped up from my couch with Naaki in her arms. I exhaled a sigh of relief and touched her shoulders.

      “Good, you found her,” I turned to Alistair and managed to calm myself. “Shut the door, I don’t have a lot of time left.” I kissed Elise’s cheek and Naaki’s head before unlocking a chest. My armor and weapons stared up at me and something powerful rushed through my veins. “Hello, old friend.”

      “What’s going on?” Elise let Naaki down on the bed so I stood and yanked off my robes.

      “I am going to Midgard.” I only had time to strap parts of my armor over my clothing. My fingers flexed as I got used to the feel of it all, attaching a dagger to my hip. “I’m rusty but, I have no choice."

      “Yes, you do.” Alistair added softly. “How will you do this?”

      “Frigga.” I replied, strapping my quiver and bow to my back. “I don’t have many arrows left but, my magic will sustain me.”

      “Are you well enough for this?” Elise touched my arm to slow me and I closed my eyes briefly, nodding.

      “I have to go. It feels right.” I finished with a few straps on my arm as Elise tied some of my hair back from my face, leaving most of it loose. Staring at myself in the mirror, I looked at my scarred face and tried to summon some courage. Naaki swept against my legs and I picked her up to hold her close. “Elise, I need you to take Naaki to the healing room and stay there with the healers. Alistair…” I looked at his eyes and paused, swallowing. “Post yourself at the healing room doors.”

      “It will be done, princess.”

      “Thank you,” I breathed, squeezing his arm. “I have to go.” We didn’t talk about the possibility that I wouldn’t return.

      “Fight well,” he pushed his fist to his heart in the familiar gesture of respect and I pressed my lips together, allowing Elise to touch my hand. I could have kissed him for that.

      “Take care, both of you,” I was swept up in thought when I rushed out, away from my friends. I took care not to bump into anyone as I arrived back to Frigga’s study. “How do I look?”

      “Terrified,” she turned to gaze at me, “and ready.”

      “I swear that I’ll do anything in my power to protect your sons,” I paused. “And retrieve the stones. You do realize that I’m going to have to tell Thor about my power.”

      “Do what feels right,” Frigga touched my hair and not my skin. “I’ll bring you to them. Have care with mortals and be strong. I know you shall.”

      “Yes,” I let out a shaken breath and kneeled.

      “Close your eyes.”

      I did before I braced for the pain.

      When it came, it burned.

      And then I was gone.

** ** **

      Gasping, the first things I took in were the night sky and wind touching my face. Smoke rolled off the intricate circling marks around me. Slowing, I breathed out and stood up. Was I on Midgard? I walked forward and abruptly stopped when I looked over the ledge to see nothingness below as the wind picked up. I was on some sort of massive barge with more vehicles littered about.

      “...Thor?” I called out. My dry voice cracked. Shuffling, I turned to almost run into a vehicle with wings; unlike ours in Asgard. A door opened and armored men rushed toward me.

      “Put up yours hands!” They held out what looked like hand cannons and I blinked, tilting my head.

      “Mortals…” I stepped forward and stopped when they gave another command.

      “Hands up! Now, please.” A dark-skinned man in an eyepatch took in my clothes, coming forward with a weapon of his own; he observed me and spoke.

      “You’re obviously not from here. State your business.” Careful, I raised my hands, fingers splaying out.

      “Can I trouble you for a goblet of water?” I rasped instead, lips tugging upward. More mortals crowded behind them to eye both me and the mark around my feet burned into the ground. I think I recognized a few from Thor’s fight when I watched him from Asgard. Someone stated my name and rushed forward.

      “She’s a friend, lower your weapons.” Thor came to me, eyes intent on mine and filled with awe. “What are you doing here? How?”

      “Your mother. Fate probably,” I shrugged. “You need me. They will it so.”

      “Have you seen us-?”

      “Yes. You. Loki. The scepter. I need to see it. And I need to see Loki. Now.”

      “How does she know about the scepter?” The man with the eyepatch lowered his weapon and signaled for the men and women behind him to follow.

      “I’ve never seen mortals before,” I stepped forward and saw many go on guard. “I mean no harm. I’m Thor’s…” I blinked and swallowed. “This is awkward.”

      “Technically, we are engaged.” Thor finished and I nodded.

      “Yes, that,” I paused. “The Queen sent me to ensure Thor’s success. And your success now as I’m assuming you are his allies… Thor, they look just like us…I somehow imagined them smaller. From the stories.”

      “Another Asgardian.” A second man stepped forward, my eyes drew to a light emitting from his chest just under his shirt. A source of power no doubt. Outdated but impressive all the same. “Lovely.” His voice was sarcastic and I tilted my head. “Looks like you’ve seen your share of…battle.”

      “I could say the same for you,” I replied. Not many addressed my scars so explicitly.

      “She’s on our side,” Thor vouched for me. “We should take this back in the Helicarrier and finish our previous conversation. This is Nick Fury,” he introduced me, “he commands the organization known as Shield. They seek to put an end to Loki’s plans. I know them briefly from my last trip to Earth.”

      “Jane Foster.” I looked up at him. “Is she-?”

      “Safe.” That was all Thor cared to offer on the subject. “We need to talk. All of us.”

      “Then count me in.” I replied before more formally introducing myself to the group. “I watched Thor arrive from Asgard but something was blocking me out. So, here I am.” Thor touched my back to usher me inside and didn’t let go until we got to a main room. It was filled with technology that looked ancient and I drew to the large set of windows, realizing we were floating far above the Earth. “Where is Loki?” Many eyed me with peculiar expressions.

      “Hold on,” Thor pulled me further from a table where mortals began to take their places. “You should not have come. Loki, he-”

      “I know,” I exhaled. “That’s why I had to come. Let me speak to him.”

      “You know, it doesn’t exactly look good when the two outsiders with connections to the problem whisper on the side like that.” The man with the light under his shirt tossed me a bottle of water and I scoffed.

      “Many thanks,” I chugged it down after popping it open and gave the empty container to Thor.

      “If you hope to stop Loki, you’ll need us.” Thor insisted in a hard tone and the man spoke more so to me.

      "You look a little young to be a warrior. Wee college student. Pushing twenty?"

       "For a few million years. Give or take." I quirked my brow, arms crossing. "We start young in my land."

       "Loki is not himself." Thor began, trailing off.

      “If Loki was surprised Thor showed up,” I paused and approached the table when I noticed the technology humming along it, “no doubt he’ll be shocked to see me.” I began to run my fingers along the pads distractedly to bring up a security image of Loki in a glass cell. “Perhaps, we should begin with introductions.” Loki’s back was to me as I stared down and glanced over his files, a few listed his abilities. “Clearly, you’re still trying to figure him.”

      “You know the technology?” A man stepped forward with clasped hands, back hunched with nerves. “Bruce Banner.”

      “It is extremely outdated, I’m quite familiar with it.” That first mortal moved to usher me away but stopped when Thor shot him a look.

      “Tony Stark. Uh, those files are protected, you can’t just show up and go through-”

      “Protected? Oh, please,” I flicked my hand up and holograms swept upward. Unlocking them was almost too simple. “If I’m going to help, I need to be updated on Midgard…I dare say you all have been having your own set of issues. Just as Asgard. It cannot be a coincidence. In return, I can tell you what Loki’s scepter is and what it does. Offer all the help I can. I want only what Thor does now.” I watched images of Thor fighting the Destroyer and traced my hands through the moving pictures.

      “Loki has one of ours under his…spell,” a guarded redhead stepped toward me. “We think the scepter can control people.”

      “What is your name?”

      “Natasha.” Her arms crossed as she studied me.

      “Natasha. You’re not wrong. Like the Tesseract, it’s what we call an infinity gem. Six objects of outstanding power from the birth of Yggdrasil. Loki’s scepter opens doors into the mind the way the Tesseract opens doors into another world. As you’ve seen, I’m sure. Scrapes out your will completely. How many of yours has he gotten?”

      “An agent. Clint Barton. We don’t know where he is yet.”

      “To my knowledge, he has Erik Selvig as well,” Thor added behind me. “Countless others I imagine.”

      “The scientist you mentioned once?” I spoke, earning a nod.

      “Shield has enemies, wouldn’t surprise me if Loki found some,” a blond man seated at the table looked up. “Steve Rogers. I’ve dealt with the Tesseract before.” I flicked the files down and stared at the image of Loki before I closed it.

      “I’m certain you’ll be glad to see it go. The stones cannot stay here, they belong on Asgard.” It wasn’t a total lie.

      “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there,” Thor stepped up next to me. “Loki is now our priority. He’s locked away well so we can discuss this all.”

      “Loki’s going to drag this out.” Steve began.

      “He always does,” I muttered before he nodded and went on.

      “What’s his play?”

      “He will gain an army called the Chitauri. They’re not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.” Thor explained, pressing his fist to his lips. "We do not know who exactly means to collect the Tesseract from him."

      “An army,” Steve raised an eyebrow and sighed outwardly, “from outer space.”

      “If he’s building another portal,” Bruce went on, “that’s what he’ll need Selvig for. So, this army…?”

      “All we know is that they’re some beast race. We haven’t been able to deduce who holds their leash and who else is at play here, as Thor said.” I added softly. "Loki's deluding himself if he thinks he'll be allowed to keep either infinity stone. We do not know where the last four are or what power they fully possess. They're ancient history, even to us."

      “Thor, by our files, is not hostile.” Nick Fury stepped forward and glanced at me. “We cannot say the same for you. You both know Loki obviously. What can we expect from him?”

      “She is with me and now an ally,” Thor defended, somewhat heated.

       “I imagine that my sudden entrance leaves you all skeptical about trusting me. That I can understand. This is rushed.” I took a seat and set my weapons aside to defuse some tension. “I’ll tell you what I can. Loki is a skilled master of magic, if you hadn’t noticed. He excels, simply speaking, with illusion magic. Manipulation and such. Another reason I came is because, like Thor, I know how he works. We grew up together and he taught me the ways of magic, which means I’m valuable to you. I know him well.”

      "How well?" Natasha wondered aloud.

      “Bit odd for someone like him to teach that. Divas usually keep to themselves.” Tony paused and tilted his head when realization hit him, eyes wider at me before he gestured. “Oh, come on. Really?”

      “You’re catching on,” I smiled at that and clasped my fingers along the table.

      “You people really haven’t noticed this? She’s his ex-girlfriend.” Tony pointed and all eyes went to me.

      “Ex-fiancé actually,” I corrected. “For a long time before the events of last year when Thor came to Earth and Loki…disappeared. We believed he was really dead."

      “And you expect our trust,” Director Fury leaned against a chair and I shrugged.

      “I don’t expect it, but it’d be…nice.” I sat back and stopped Thor from speaking. “Let me explain. Yes, Loki and I were together. When he turned on Asgard, I fought against him when my words failed after Thor was exiled here. After…After he fell, he left Asgard vulnerable and in disarray. Thor and I entered into a false engagement for the protection of each other. Also it became a means to help smooth over things in Asgard. Politics and such, I’m sure you understand. The people were restless and without Loki, there was no one to punish but the fiancé he left in his place.”

      “You.” Bruce finished.

      “Exactly. I’m not here to join Loki or win him back. I just want him brought home. Since we thought him dead, I’ve been studying the infinity gems in my time, or trying to, and working with the Queen. After Thor left, we attempted to watch over him from Asgard through her power but, it didn’t work out. A deadly and unknown force pushed me out. So I had her send me here to assist because I have one thing Thor doesn’t and not even he knows.”

      “What are you speaking of?” Thor touched my shoulder.

      “The second reason I came. If my theory is correct, I can protect your minds from the influence of the scepter. Should these events escalate to that… Moreover, if you’ll kindly let me get my hands on it, I may be able to tell you more about who Loki is working with.”

      “You can do that?” Bruce set his hands in his pockets and I nodded.

      “In theory.” I repeated. “I’ve only tested the runes on my own mind and I haven’t held formal trials. It’s more of a gut thing right now.”

      “Some secret Asgardian magic,” Tony exhaled and I smirked.

      “It was a gift given to me by an elf actually,” I glanced at Thor and his eyes went a little wide. “Loki and I had to slow our lessons in magic because I wield a power that feeds on my own supply of magic. It's a lengthy story, but...I have an ability untouched by other Asgardians. In secret, I’ve been studying and expanding on it, partially with the Queen as well. We agreed it should stay a secret, until now obviously.”

      “She’ll help us study the scepter then,” Tony decided.

      “We’re not there yet,” Nick put up his hand.

      “What can you do?” Bruce asked before anyone else could speak.

      “Simply speaking, I’m an…empath. I touch people, I see and feel things. Memories. Emotions. Secrets and whatnot. I'm still figuring it myself. Like, I can build a map of your soul. Recently, I’ve been able to apply the same to powerful objects that hold importance. Figured I’d get this out of the way now since I’m trying to build up some trust. The Queen and I agreed a while ago to keep it secret as people often fear what they do not understand.” I stared at Bruce when he glanced elsewhere briefly.

      “Wonderful, you’re the real Psyche to Loki’s unstable Cupid.” Tony waved his arm and I tilted my head. “Why are we still standing around people? She’s sitting there and not letting him out; I doubt his scorned girlfriend is going to-“

      “Psyche?” I asked and Thor leaned toward me.

      “Gods. Worshiped by another race of humans.”

      “Oh…” I exhaled and looked at the people around me.

      “Loki doesn’t know you’re engaged to his brother?” Steve wondered aloud.

      “No. He doesn’t even know I’m here or...that I look like this...” I replied, touching my cheek, and Tony stepped toward Steve.

      “Captain, I think you’ve given me an idea. Loki seems like an…emotional guy. I say we send her in to speak with him and see what we get.” He shrugged and Natasha sat back before speaking.

      “If she can press his buttons…”

      “I like her. You’ve already convinced me there,” I stood and looked to Nick, watching me closely. “If you’ll permit me. I’ll leave my weapons with Thor and go speak to him. Should it prove useful to you all, I think we should recognize each other as allies. No doubt your people are already beginning files on me as you have for Thor.” I nodded my head toward a security device and smiled coolly.

      “You’re certain that you’re all right with this?” Thor touched my back and I exhaled slower.

      “We have to try. No time to waste.” I whispered, touching the outline of his ring hidden just under the tip of my fingerless gloves. Loki’s key and ring were both still hanging from my neck under my shirt with the crystal Moira had given me.

      “Natasha,” Nick stated and she stood. “Rest of you, stay here.” He beckoned for me and I glanced at Thor before following. Mortals in uniform walked the metal hallways as I followed them out.

      “Interesting operation. How long have you had the Tesseract?” I asked.

      “Shield discovered it in the ocean and it’s been under our protection until just days ago. Loki appeared from a portal and took down the entire facility in his escape.” Natasha replied.

      “Our gatekeeper found Loki at that moment. He has a talent for hiding from Heimdall’s gaze. Bit strange he decides to show himself now.” I hinted lightly.

      “We thought that too. Steve believes Loki let himself get caught for a reason. We’re monitoring for threats now.” She looked ahead of herself. “We’ll let you in to speak with Loki and watch from the other room. Find out what you can and perhaps we can trust you to assist.”

      “That is fair,” I exhaled when they stopped and Nick nodded at me as he hit buttons to open a door.

      “We don’t plan on him getting out, that cell is suspended above the water and if he so much as scratches the glass, we’ll send him flying down.” He nodded again for me to go in and I thanked them both softly, eyes forward. Loki’s tall frame came into sight so I took silent steps down the metal path to the bright cell. _Gods, he was real._ I looked at his back and slid my eyes upon his form before I heard a chuckle.

      “Back for more, I assume,” Loki turned and his cocky expression faded when his eyes locked onto mine. Neither of us breathed. Rattled, I stepped closer to the glass. We looked at each other and finally, I knew he was really here. Alive. Staring at me with that expression I knew, eyebrows lifting up.

      “ _Found you.”_ I leaned forward and breathed soft. Loki took in my face, my scars, and tilted his head causing my insides to burn.

      “You are not real,” he tried to scoff, “you never are.”

      “Telling yourself that a lot these days?” I watched him blink and he realized that I was still there. Loki stood taller and tilted his chin up.

      “Odin send you?”

      “Your mother,” I watched his hands clench up. “I imagine your father will be upset when he finds out. But, for now, I’m stuck here.” He stepped forward and looked down at me, eyes studying my frame. “Loki…what the hell are you doing?”

      “Finally embracing what I deserve.”

      “I think we have differing opinions on that,” I paused, tone dulling out. “You look awful.” The pale skin I knew was near translucent and sunken in. His hungry frame struck me as if he hadn’t eaten in ages. Greasy black hair had grown longer and obviously not been washed properly for a while. But his eyes, they were the worst. Loki’s eyes, with all their beauty, lost the light I once coveted when he gazed at me.

      “Why have you come?” His voice held a sneer. “Do they believe tossing some woman at me will make me soft?”

      “Oh, I’m here to change you with sweet words of affection,” I chuckled dryly before I continued. “No. I’m really here to stop you of course. Again.”

      “You will lose then,” Loki set out his hands.

      “And yet, you’re the one who keeps hearing those words.” I countered, earning a slight glare. “Would you like to know how Asgard fares before I launch into a speech about how you’re making the wrong choice and how you must come home with us. Your brother and I.”

      “I do not have a family.” Loki blinked. “I never did.”

      “You look awful and you’re lying to yourself. Not a huge change. But, there is something…” I stepped into the light so he could get a better look at my face. “How did it feel to die, Loki? Painful at first…until it isn’t. Yes? And now you’re under some false impression that this army will win you Earth.”

      “You could always help me escape and become my queen.” He smirked and I did so in turn.

      “Queen implies that you have a title,” I exhaled, “and you don’t. You never will. Not here. I have a thing for a prince back home.” I was only half referring to him but the play on words went unnoticed.

      “Oh,” Loki slinked closer and his voice lowered so I grinned at his play. “Does he know about _us?”_

      “At the moment, there is no us. There is only Loki against the world. How you can see things that way for so long, I’ll never know. You have a family who loves you and…me. They’re all waiting for you. They were waiting this whole time and you show up waging war on mortals. Worse, you actually believe you’re going to be king. You’re being played, Loki. You always were such a fool. A loved fool.” I wanted to shake him. I had to be level. I had to continue this path.

      “I wield power unlike anything you have ever seen,” he mocked finally.

      “You’re wrong there too. You think I’ve been sitting around in the year you’ve been gone? Please.” I paused. I wanted to ask him about his hidden study but I couldn’t risk it. “The Norns told me things you’d never believe. Their faces are...unlike anything. Oh, are you surprised?” I caught his look just as it left before I chuckled. “Perhaps, I should update you on Asgard. I’m certain you’re dying to know.”

      “If they think tossing you at me will sway what I-”

      “Shut up,” I spoke pointedly. “I’m talking. In truth, you should be congratulating me…Thor as well.”

      “He is not King yet,” Loki spoke and I nodded.

      “True. But, that’s not what I mean,” I started to slip off a glove. “You left us at the mercy of Asgard, who initially proved to be unforgiving. They ate me alive. Tried to attack me in the streets. Called me vulgar names no woman should ever hear. Normal day for me, I suppose. But...look what you did, Loki.” The ring glittered on my finger and Loki’s eyes widened. “Thor and I are engaged to be married. Remember how we would joke? Alas, a simple casualty of this…mess. Odin also revoked my status as a warrior and I tried to kill myself. Mutilated my being instead. Then, I really did die when we used my body to contact the Norns to find your ungrateful hide. They breathed life back into my very veins, all too cheerfully, and here I am trying to appeal to you, who fell into the darkest corners of Yggdrasil. I’m certain of that now. You, who thinks there is even the slightest chance that you will come out on top of this. You’re a joke, Loki..." My tone changed, softer. "Your mother misses you.”

      “If you believe for one moment that I won’t kill you when I get out of here,” Loki pressed against the glass and I reached up to run my finger along the surface just in front of his face.

      “Maybe you’re more jealous I got to Thor before you could in your _obsession,”_ I tapped the glass and he growled at me. “What do I know, I’m just a bastard? Give it up, Loki. Come home with us. I'm offering you a chance right this moment.”

      “You’ll pay for this. I swear it. You and Thor. All of those mortals.” Loki forced a chuckle. “They’ve no idea what they’ve done. The sky will fall and my army will lay waste to Earth.”

      “Is that was your _real_ master told you?” I shrugged. “All right.”

      “The deal with The Other I made is binding!” Loki snarled and I perked up.

      “The Other? Really?” I knew the name and I subtly glanced at the camera. “You let him into your brain. He’s a pawn too. So they say. You're not even head pawn," I laughed at him. "I’ve heard what happens to those who get in with him. Name the master beyond him. The one seeking the gems. Perhaps...you're too scared to do such a thing.” I tried again to laugh at Loki and stepped backwards. “I really hope you wake up before this goes bad. But, history shows that you aren’t adept in such things. I made a promise to your mother and I will take you back to Asgard, kicking and screaming if I must. You know…you also picked a terrible place for our little meeting. I’m hoping you choose better next time.”

      “I have a city in mind.” Loki hardened himself and stood up. He just looked so sweaty and sick and I couldn’t fathom what he’d been exposed to. “Nothing you do will stop this. Run along and play with the mortals while you can.”

      “We’ll stop you,” I promised. _We._

      “You will try.” Loki stared down at me, haunted but he went on and changed the subject. "Go forth. Kiss Thor with force. Suck his cock for all I care, you were good at that. And go play with blades. Oh, that face. Still so beautiful. So desperate to prove yourself. Will anything satisfy you? I imagine not. No one lives to see the Norn's eyes. Must be isolating." My fingers drew tighter into my arms.

       "You're not fooling anyone. Just know, Loki, that when all the chips are down, you crumble. Time and time again. You crumble because you’re a spoiled child constantly wanting things your way when in reality, you have everything. And you have the nerve to think everyone should bow to you when you’ve been bowing your whole life. You are lost and ungrateful and no longer willing to reach your potential. You’ve earned nothing. Not here at least. But, you will. They’ll make certain you do.”

      “I’ve no time to hear about what the Norns whispered in your ears. Perhaps, another day.” Loki turned and I stared at his back.

      “You’re waiting for something to happen, are you not?” I hummed lightly. “I certainly hope you wake up before you’re betrayed, Loki. Despite all this, you still have the capacity to do so much good. That’s the real tragedy. Grow up.” My familiar words caused his head to turn sharply.

      “You’ve already gotten what you wanted out of me. I suggest you go, sweetheart.”

      “Oh, Loki, I’m not even close to getting what I want out of you,” I let out a heavy breath at the name I once desired to hear. “But, if you taught me one thing. It’s patience. Think about what I said.” I turned but paused when he spoke.

      “Tired of appealing to me?” 

      “You know,” I spun on my heel. “What’s funny is that you did the exact worst thing you could have done when you first looked at me. You gazed at my scarred face…with love still in your eyes. You think you can truly take the necessary steps after doing that? Fine, I’ll let you try. Covet that empty throne. That fruitless power. You're alone. But, you’ll hesitate the entire way. I don’t think you know how to do the hard thing. That is why you’ll fail. Your real master will see it and shake his head at you. I'm certain you remember the feeling.” Without allowing him to speak, I went toward the door and it shifted open to allow me out. An agent with cropped black hair and dark skin who introduced herself as Maria Hill led me down back to the room.

      “The Other,” Thor was marching toward me when I entered. “They say he serves the titans. That confirms their connection.”

      “That sounds bad,” Tony shrugged, eyebrows lifting briefly.

      “We haven’t contacted a titan in eons. I've only heard of them through stories,” I crossed the room, fixing my glove back on my hand.

      “I need to know why Loki wants to be here.” Steve slid his hands into his lap, sitting back. “He’s not leading an army from here.”

      “Loki stole iridium before you both arrived here,” Bruce added quietly, tapping a pen against his hand rhythmically as he thought for a moment. “Why did he need it?”

      “It’s a stabilizing agent,” Tony piped up.

      “Which means Loki can keep this portal open wide for as long as he wants,” Thor deduced and Tony grinned, taping his bicep while he passed between us.

      “Brawn and brains, I see,” he chuckled and Thor stared down after him. “Should have known after this one broke into Shield’s notes.” Tony reached out to pat my shoulder but missed when I swayed back.

      “Question, if you’re some Scandinavian goddess, why do you look…erm, Hispanic? Jewish maybe. I can’t put my finger on it. Mixed something.” Tony studied me and my head tilted.

      “I tell you that I got my power from an elf and that is what you bring into question?”

      “Point taken,” he swiftly passed me before Thor and I exchanged looks.

      “Is it just me or does something about him make you want to wrap your hands around his neck?” I muttered and Thor gave a sound of amusement.

      “Oh, I have that effect, _Psyche_.” Tony smirked and surveyed our group. “Agent Barton can probably get his hands on the rest of the raw materials for the portal pretty easily. Only major component he needs is a power source. A high energy density, something to kick start the cube.”

      “When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?” Agent Hill asked with a neutral expression.

      “Last night,” Tony cocked his head. “The packet. Selvig’s notes, the extraction theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?”

      “I should like to examine those,” Thor stepped forward when Natasha waved for him to look at a screen. He leaned over to begin studying and I exhaled, glancing out the window once more. The sun was rising outside, painting the clouds in warm hues.

      “Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?” Steve asked then.

      “He’s got to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break though the Coulomb barrier,” Bruce began.

      “Unless Selvig figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect,” Tony added.

      “Well, if he could to that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.” Bruce shrugged and Tony crossed the room with a grin.

      “Finally, someone who speaks English.”

      “Is that what just happened?” Steve glanced up briefly from his thoughts.

      “Dr. Banner.” Tony shook his hand. “Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”

      “That was you I saw on the files. The Hulk?” I questioned and Bruce glanced down.

      “Thanks. I guess,” he paused and looked from Tony to me. “And yeah.”

      “Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him,” Nick Fury shifted toward our group from another room.

      “Loki’s staff maybe magical,” Steve began. “But, it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon. You said earlier you could defend us from it. How?” I realized he was looking at me and stood taller.

      “Here is where I’ll need your trust,” I began. “Simply speaking, you have to let me go into your head briefly and block the scepter’s influence out. I’m not sure how long it’ll last and I’ve never tested it on mortals but, it’s better than being at risk the entire time.”

      “So, you’d be able to read our thoughts and pick around?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

      “Yes, believe me, your secrets are your own. But, if you want to avoid being Loki’s puppets, there is your way. A rune of my own invention.” I shrugged and Thor nodded.

      “We can discuss and look into that later. Should you wish, you can use me first.” His words made me feel just a bit better.

      “Shall we play, doctor?” Tony gestured for Bruce to go before he nodded. “I want her to come too.” When he pointed to me, I waited for Thor to give Fury a nod before resuming his conversation with Natasha. I moved to follow Tony out in silence as we all dispersed in different directions.

      “Do you trust easily, Stark?” I asked after a moment, striding next to Bruce.

      “Ah, you insulted Loki a lot and it amused me,” he shrugged, leading us into a smaller lab. Something in the air shifted and I inhaled sharply when my eyes found the scepter. The gem shined brighter only when I shifted toward it. Lips opening, I tilted my head and thought I was hearing voices. Not too unusual for me. But the gem...it called so sweetly.

      “ _Did you feel that?”_ Nerien asked behind me. _“I did as well. You cannot very well press that gem into a book…to remember the time you spent…”_

      “What do you have on the scepter so far?” I clasped my hands behind my back. Bruce was hovering a small device above it. “Radiation testing?”

      “Yes,” he paused as Tony worked along a screen behind me. “The gamma readings are definitely consistent with Selvig’s reports on the Tesseract. But it’s going to take weeks to process. You called them infinity gems?”

      “Right. As I said, there are six. All missing. Until now. Two show up at once, it isn’t a coincidence. I think...they are awakening each other and calling out like siblings. They're alive somehow just like you and I.”

      “If we bypass their mainframe and direct a reroute to the Homer cluster, we can clock this around six hundred teraflops.” Tony was distractedly shifting images across a screen and I realized my eyes hadn’t moved from the scepter since entering the room.

      “All I packed was a toothbrush,” Bruce joked lightly.

      “I’m having second thoughts about touching that thing.” I exhaled. “I feel…something. I can’t explain… It feels almost too alive and I think it wants me.” I rubbed my head and Bruce paused to look at me. “Do you hear that?”

      “Easy,” Bruce touched my arm after a moment of hesitation and pulled me from my daze. “You okay?”

      “Yes,” I shook my head, pressing my hand to my abdomen. “Fine. I need a moment.”

      “I can recommend a breathing exercise-”

      “You ever catch someone thinking dirty thoughts with that power of yours?” Tony wondered aloud, pulling Bruce and I from our moment.

      “Tony…” Bruce began. “I don’t think-”

      “No, distractions are good,” I exhaled. “And yes. More often than I’d like to admit. I am taboo. Untouchable. Therefore, easy to fetishize. Dirty thoughts are inevitable for a strange girl like me.”

      “Can you control it?”

      “It’s complicated. It just happens at skin contact and I can go deeper if I wish. I think I'm repressing it still most days, maybe it just needs a big push.” I leaned against a counter. “Can you control the Hulk?” I turned my head to see Bruce pause.

      “Not exactly.” He offered honestly.

      "This does not stop you from trying, I'm sure." My lips lifted and he followed, breaking our eye contact to peer down. Bruce gave a slight nod.

      “Glad our little group is bonding. I contacted Janet Van Dyne. Another scientist and her husband, Hank.” Tony went on. “Thought she might have some insight on this situation.”

      “I know of her, yes,” Bruce replied. “Brilliant work.”

      “She seemed to think this whole thing was promising. The Avengers, she called us. Like we were a team already.” He exhaled. "And not Nick Fury's clean up crew."

      “This feels more like the island of misfit toys,” Bruce’s voice faded away as I stepped closer to the scepter, reaching out to lay my hands on it. The door rushed open and I recoiled, mere inches away when Steve walked in.

      “You should come to Stark Tower sometime,” Tony went on. Steve gave me a respectful nod so I instead touched a screen to go through files. “You’d love it, it’s candyland.”

      “Thanks, but last time I was in New York, I kind of broke Harlem,” Bruce replied and I passed a file of the Hulk fighting another giant.

      “Looks like you’re protecting civilians in it,” I muttered and flicked the images away to another file. Tony beamed brightly and Bruce didn’t reply. “Captain America?” I tilted my head at the screen and gazed at Steve. “How old are you?”

      “It’s complicated.”

      “You stated that you’ve dealt with the Tesseract before?” I asked softly and Steve crossed his arms. Tony and Bruce continued speaking behind us.

      “I thought I fixed things,” Steve shrugged with a sort of melancholy I knew well crossing his expression. A longing. “I was wrong. Anything that gets that cube away from here, I’m fine with.”

      “Bad memories?” I tilted my head before shifting over Tony’s file. “I’m certain it will be safe once we get it back to Asgard.” I exhaled and looked over the screen. “The man of iron. That suit doesn’t look like iron to me.”

      “Play on words,” Tony commented idly and I chuckled.

      “I saw you both fighting Thor when he arrived to grab Loki. You could work well together.” I pushed the files away and lowered my hand.  “You’d have to commit to that though. I’ve a lot of experience in people who can’t commit.”

      “You might be stuck with us for a while,” Tony pressed his lips together.

      “So as long as I can be with my lord fiancé,” I droned before chuckling. “By the nine, I do sound rehearsed. Was Loki interrogated before I arrived?”

      “Yes, by Fury,” Bruce thought for a moment and I tilted my head.

      “What is it?”

      “Nothing,” Bruce shook his head just as Tony jabbed his side with a miniature electrical rod. “Ow!”

      “Nothing?” Tony leaned in to observe Bruce’s face when Steve and I exchanged looks.

      “Are you nuts?” He turned while Bruce rubbed his side.

      “You really have got a lid on it, haven’t you? What’s your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bad of weed?” Tony chuckled and I was lost again.

      “Is everything a joke to you?” Steve crossed the room and Tony gestured.

      “Funny things are.”

      “Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn’t funny,” Steve changed his tone before he went on. “No offense, Doctor.”

      “No, it’s all right. I wouldn’t have come aboard if I couldn’t handle pointy things.” Bruce rounded them both to pick up some charts.

      “You’re tiptoeing, big man. You need to strut.” Tony tapped his pen on my shoulder to lower it. “You too. You’re stuck here now with our little group. Relax.”

      “And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark.” Steve insisted in a hard tone.

      “ _She’s_ been staring at the scepter since she entered the room.” Tony pointed before my face snapped away from the light and toward him.

      “Hm?” I distractedly shook my head and stepped around the counter where Bruce was to put distance between the stone and I.

      “You think I’m not focusing on the problem?” Tony went on instead. “Why did Fury call us and why now? Why not before? What isn’t he telling us? Hell, Loki’s ex flew down from Asgard because apparently she could see that something bigger is happening here. I can’t do the equation unless I have all the variables.”

      “You think Fury is hiding something?” Steve stated after a beat.

      “He’s a spy, Captain. His secrets have secrets.” Tony pointed to Bruce. “It’s bugging him too, isn’t it?”

      “Uh, I’m…” Bruce shook his head and tried to look busy, causing me to narrow my gaze when he glanced at me and shook his head. “I just want to finish my work here.”

      “What are you thinking?” I asked then.

      “Doctor?” Steve coaxed.

      “Before you arrived, Loki said something…” Bruce removed his glasses and shrugged. “’A warm light for all mankind.’ His jab at Fury about the cube.”

      “I heard it.” Steve shrugged, leaning against a table behind him.

      “I think it was meant for Tony.”

      “The Stark Tower?” Steve raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “That big ugly…building in New York?”

      “I’m lost,” I piped up when Tony shot Steve a look.

      “It’s powered by Stark Reactors. Self-sustaining energy sources.” Bruce explained and Tony tapped the light on his chest. “That building will run itself for what, a year?”

      “That’s just the prototype. I’m kind of the only name in clean energy right now.” Tony dug into his pockets and pulled out a bag of snacks.

      “So, why didn’t Shield bring him in on the Tesseract project? I mean, what are they doing in the energy business in the first place?” Bruce shrugged, voice gaining more ground.

      “I should probably look into that once my decryption programmer finishes breaking into all of Shield’s secure files.” Tony smirked and I understood.

      “Could have asked Thor or I.” I shrugged, propping my elbow up on a shelf.

      “I’m trying to remain inconspicuous.” Tony quirked up his brow. Frankly, this mortal didn't appear to have an inconspicuous bone in his body and Steve looked aghast in turn.

      “I’m sorry, did you say-?”

      “Jarvis has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours we’ll know every dirty secret Shield has ever tried to hide.” Tony held out his bag. “Blueberry?”

      “Yet, you’re confused about why they didn’t want you around?” Steve didn’t move and I sighed lightly.

      “He’s a pain, obviously but I think Banner had a point.”

      “An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not possible.” Tony added.

      “You’d be surprised,” I muttered, crossing my arms. “I got my powers that way.”

      “Asgard full of dirty secrets?” Tony lifted his bag toward me and dumped some dried blueberries in my hand.

      “You have no idea.” I popped a few in my mouth.

      “I think Loki’s trying to wind us up. This is a man who means to start a war, and if we don’t stay focused, he’ll succeed.” Steve tilted his head at me. I could see something bothering him still.

      “You think Loki let himself get caught to tear your group apart before you even start?” I inquired.

      “You know him better than we do.” Steve shrugged and I nodded as he shifted toward the door. Something about his expression intrigued me. He sent Tony a glare and exhaled, steps shifting. “Just find the damn cube.” After he left, I stood taller and crossed behind Bruce.

      “He has that same look on his face I see Thor get before he does something he isn’t supposed to do. Another handsome troublemaker. He agrees with you but he won't admit it.” I observed, nearing the scepter again. “Should I just get this over with?”

      “Can you believe that’s the guy my dad never shut up about?” Tony stated instead, sounding more bitter than intended. “Wonder if they should have just kept him on ice.”

      “He’s not wrong about, Loki. He does have the jump on us.” Bruce shrugged and I found my voice.

      “For now.” I paused when he nodded for me to go on. “Before Loki left Asgard, he left me his life’s work. He’s partially the reason I’ve been able to expand on my power and study the infinity gems. It was not a mistake, it being left to me. I have a place in this. Somewhere.”

      “Wedding present?” Tony joked lightly.

      “Hardly.”

      “It’s going to blow up in his face,” he persisted and I chuckled. “I’m going to be there when it does.”

      “I’ll save you a seat,” I edged away from the scepter again and rubbed my head.

      “And I’ll read all about it.” Bruce hesitated as he went about his work.

      “Or you’ll be suiting up like the rest of us. She’s invited and she wasn’t part of the plan until thirty minutes ago.” Tony gestured to me and I crossed my arms.

      “Appreciated,” I muttered shortly.

      “Ah, see, I don’t get a suit or armor. I’m exposed, like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.” Bruce tried to busy himself in work and I watched him.

      “I was taught that we all wear armor of some kind. It's not an accident that you're here now in a place you're wanted and needed. We just...all have to embrace it,” I paused and smiled wistfully. “Perhaps, you should embrace the magnitude of you. Now, I need to go speak with Thor. I’ll leave you gentlemen for now.” After glancing at the scepter once, I found my way out and walked down the hall.

      “ _Come back._ ” Little whispers caused me to stop, turning slowly, and I shook my head. They sounded like children. Picking up my steps, I made my way back to the main room and spotted Thor standing alone at a window.

      “Thor,” I whispered out of earshot. “Something is wrong. The scepter is connected to something else. Something that has both been pushing me away and drawing me in the entire time. Could be partially the open door of the Tesseract spilling in but…”

      “Slow down,” Thor touched my shoulder, thumb rubbing a circle into me before he touched my face and I ripped away when I felt the pain crawling under his skin.

      “I’m fine,” I put up my hands to ease the situation. “They think Loki wants to be here so he can manipulate you all. Everyone who nears the scepter seems a little tense and agitated like their emotions spike higher than normal. I see their colors fizzle. Something is wrong.”

      “When I came to Earth last, Loki’s rage followed and the people I swore to protect paid the price. History is repeating itself now. Things were better before I came here. Far better.” Thor shook his head and Fury neared us. “In our youth, we courted war.”

      “War hasn’t started yet.” He paused and eyed us closely, I caught Natasha looking at me before she turned and left abruptly. “You think you can make Loki tell us where and what the Tesseract is?”

      “I do not know,” Thor shrugged helplessly. “Loki’s mind is far afield, it’s not power he craves…it’s vengeance upon me. There is no pain that would prize his need from him.”

      “Loki wouldn’t let me get near him to unlock his secrets either. He won’t let me touch him, Thor.” I shook my head, touching my stomach as if to steady myself.

      “A lot of guys think like that, until the pain stops,” Fury’s hint caught both of us.

      “What are you asking me to do?” Thor passed me and Fury touched a railing next to him.

      “I’m asking, what are you _prepared_ to do?” He insisted. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure anymore.

      “Loki is a prisoner,” Thor’s voice grew tense.

      “Then why do I feel like he’s the only person on this boat that wants to be here?” The question caused Thor to fall silent next to me before Nick paced off to oversee another screen.

      “Thor, what are we going to do?” I spun to meet his gaze, eyes flickering across his.

      “Why did mother agree to send you?” He said after a moment.

      “Because I asked her to…” I paused and shrugged. “Because I felt it was right.”

      “They we’ll keep doing what we feel is right.” Thor reached out and I took his hand after a moment.

      “You feel frightened.” I observed, tense.

      “As do you,” Thor enclosed my hand in both of his. “Now might be a good time to tell me what else you can do.”

      “I can take physical pain…and give it. I killed a bandit with it…” I paused. “I think I can also take and give memories. Manipulate them. Feel emotions and thoughts. I read souls and they beckon out for me in turn. Like they want to be touched. I’ve seen things in people’s heads that I shouldn’t. Things that could change Asgard… Thor, I want to badly to tell you the truth. It isn’t fair.” I shook my head and Thor leaned down.

      “What are you talking about? What don’t I know?”

      “Your parents love you so much. Asgard loves you and needs you. I can’t…” I closed my eyes and pulled from him. “I am sorry and after what happened with Loki…” Struggling, I looked to the side. “The Norns knew everything when they invaded me and through them did I see amazing and terrible things. Thor…I want you to know that-”

      “Thor! We need you, now,” Nick Fury touched his earpiece and waved us over. “There’s a problem.” Thor exhaled and stared at me but had to force himself away.

      “We must focus on this problem first,” he gestured for me to follow, which I did after picking up my weapons again. We followed Nick back to the lab when Tony and Bruce looked up from their work.

      “What are you doing, Mr. Stark?” Fury wasn’t happy.

      “Uh…kind of been wondering the same thing about you.” Behind them, the scepter glowed brightly. I longed so to just take it.

      “You’re supposed to be locating the Tesseract.”

      “We are,” Bruce piped up. “The model’s locked and we’re sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, we’ll have location within half a mile.”

      “And you’ll get your cube, no fuss.” Tony shrugged at Nick idly.

      “I think you mean, we’ll get our cube back.” I cut in.

      “What’s Phase Two?” Tony asked then, turning a screen of secure files toward us before the door opened. Steve dropped a heavy, silver weapon on the table and looked upset.

      “Phase Two is Shield uses the cube to make weapons.” He seethed and I came forward to observe the familiar design. “Sorry, the computer was moving a little slow.”

      “This looks like the old Destroyer,” I peered at Thor, angry now. “They studied the broken remains of the Destroyer to make this.”

      “Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract.” Nick Fury tried to explain. “This does not mean that we’re-”

      “I’m sorry, Nick.” Tony was sarcastic as he moved another screen toward us with weapon blueprints to back up Steve. “What were you lying?”

      “I was wrong, director. The world hasn’t changed a bit.” Steve kicked a box to the side and crossed the room. Natasha rushed in and Bruce’s anger picked up.

      “Did you know about this?”

      “You want to think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?” She eased and he shook his head.

      “I was in Calcutta, I’m pretty well removed,” his tone was empty.

      “Loki’s manipulating you,” she went on.

      “And you’ve been doing what exactly?” Bruce tilted his head, rounding the table. The tension in the room caused my spine to tighten.

      “She’s right, we shouldn’t be in here,” I tried, earning no reply.

      “You didn’t come here because I bat my eyelashes at you.” Natasha shifted forward.

      “Yes, and I’m not leaving because suddenly you all get a little twitchy.” Bruce took the screen with blueprints and pointed. “I’d like to know why Shield is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction.”

      “Because of them,” Nick pointed to Thor and I, causing Thor to step forward.

      “Me?”

      “Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned. And then she shows up next to you now like it was nothing with the ability to pick through anyone’s brains?” Nick explained but I cut in again.

      “Weapons won’t be happening because the Tesseract is coming with us.”

      “We haven’t agreed to any of that.” He turned and Thor put his arm in front of me.

      “My people want nothing but peace with your planet.”

      “But, you’re not the only people out there, are you?” Nick went on. He had a point. “And, you’re not the only threat. The world’s filling up with people who can’t be matched, they can’t be controlled. There are men on earth now who can control metal or catch fire. Women who can turn invisible or move things with their mind. And now we know the earth isn't alone. Talk of gods and elves and titans. We have to control this or there will be only chaos.”

      “Like you controlled the cube,” Steve jabbed.

      “Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies.” Thor was starting to get riled up. “It is a signal to all realms that the Earth is ready for a higher form of war.”

      “A higher form?” Steve repeated.

      “You forced our hand. We had to come up with something,” Nick Fury turned when Tony spoke.

      “Nuclear deterrent. Cause that always calms everything right down?”

      “Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?” Fury countered.

      “I’m sure if he still made weapons-”

      “Wait! Hold on!” Tony cut over Steve and everyone got more heated. “How is this about me now?”

      “Oh, I’m sorry, isn’t everything?” Steve’s sarcasm turned to anger.

      “I thought humans were more evolved than this.” Thor stepped forward.

      “Excuse me, did we come to your world and blow stuff up?” Nick questioned and I grabbed for Thor’s wrist. “And you showing up does nothing to help the situation. Superpowers? Really?”

      “I had to do something!” I seethed in return. “Loki wants you all like this!”

      “Did you always give your champions such mistrust?” Thor continued.

      “Are you all really that naïve?” Natasha spoke. “Shield monitors for potential threats-”

      “Captain America is on the potential threat list?” Bruce chuckled ruefully.

      “Above or below angry bees?” Tony joked and Steve stepped toward him.

      “I swear, Stark, one more crack out of you-”

      “Threated! I feel threatened!” Tony called and Nick rolled his good eye.

      “You speak of control, yet you court chaos!” Thor’s voice rose as he tugged from me.

      “It’s his M.O., isn’t it? I mean, what are we, a team?” Bruce rubbed his arm and slid backwards. “No, no, we’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re a time-bomb.”

      “You need to step away,” Nick grew firm, setting his hand out.

      “Why shouldn’t the guy let off a little steam,” Tony touched Steve’s shoulder only to be swept away roughly.

      “You know damn well why! Back off!”

      “Oh,” Tony got in his face. “I’m starting to want you to make me.”

      “Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?” Steve’s words cut into Tony but he stood taller.

      “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

      “I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I’ve seen the footage.” Steve pushed at him. “The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

      “I think I would just cut the wire.” Tony tried to play it off.

      “Always a way out,” Steve chuckled dryly. “You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

      “A hero?” That obviously hit a nerve in Tony. The scepter was glowing brightly and my words died away as I watched it. “Like you? You’re a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle! My father _built_ you and I never heard the end of it!”

      “Put on the suit, let’s go a few rounds” Steve pushed when Tony did.

      “You people are so petty…and tiny,” Thor shook his head and looked at me, realizing my daze.

      “Yeah, this is a team,” Bruce muttered sarcastically and Fury stepped forward.

      “Agent Romanoff, would you like to escort Dr. Banner back to his-”

      “Where? You rented my room.” Bruce slid away and Thor grasped my shoulders to shake me.

      “Focus,” he took my jaw and tried to get me to look at him but the scepter’s light blinded me.

      “It’s beautiful…” I breathed.

      “The cell was just in case,” Fury’s voice faded.

      “In case you needed to kill me, but you can’t! I know! I tried!” Bruce shouted and everyone paused as I blinked, head cocking. “I got low. I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out! So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk!” I came back to myself when everyone stepped toward him as he set his hand on the scepter. “You want to know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You want to know how I stay so calm?” He lifted the scepter from its mount and something inside me wanted to attack him for it.

      “Doctor Banner…put down the scepter…” Steve’s voice pulled me out of my state again and I rubbed my head as something beeped loudly. Bruce jumped in realization and set the scepter away.

      “Sorry, kids. You don’t get to see my party trick after all.”  Bruce went to look at a screen and narrowed his gaze.

      “Located the Tesseract?” Thor asked.

      “I can get there faster,” Tony cut in and Steve put his hand out.

      “Look, all of us-”

      “The Tesseract belongs on Asgard, no human is a match for it.” Thor’s hands left me.

      “You’re not going alone,” Steve grabbed Tony’s arm.

      “You going to stop me?” Tony shoved him away. As they fought, I stepped toward Bruce when he gasped.

      “Where is it?” I paused as he looked up at me, eyes wide in fear. “Bruce?”

      “Oh my god.” The realization died on his lips when an explosion shook the entire ship, sending me flying through the floor into a darker equipment room. Sirens blared into my ears before I coughed and sat up, kicking debris off me. My soul charged to life. Emergency alarms began to echo and I looked around quickly, crawling under a tube to take in where I was. The Helicarrier slanted after another explosion and I stumbled to my feet. Bruce was on the floor breathing heavier and shaking but Natasha furiously waved me over.

      “I’m okay,” she muttered to herself. “We’re okay.” Bruce let out a growl, causing me to steadily jerk the large pipe from her legs. “Right?”

      “Here,” I took her arm to help her to her feet.

       “Doctor Banner…Bruce…” She eased. “You got to fight this. This is what Loki wants. We’re going to be okay. Listen to me.” I stepped in front of her while green tinted Bruce’s skin, muscles shifted unpleasantly under it. “I swear on my life, I will get you out of this.”

      “ _Your life?!_ ” Bruce turned with somber eyes, voice changing and I pushed Natasha back. Bruce’s bitter amusement shifted to a threat as his back arched with pain.

      “Bruce,” I tried then, setting my hand out to calm him. “Come back to us.”

      “ _Bruce is dead!_ ” He growled and began changing within the darkness. The Hulk stepped out and sharply turned toward me. Natasha grabbed my arm to jerk me in another direction when he started to chase us. We split up as she leapt under a set of tubes and I climbed to another metal catwalk. The Hulk’s large steps shook the room before he broke the bars under me, sending me down. Natasha stealthily made her way under another path but the Hulk ripped metal pipes away to chase after her. I used magic to trip him but he became angrier and swept me away roughly.

      “Bruce! Don’t let him control you!” I called, earning a loud primal growl in return. I jumped up and grabbed Natasha’s arm before she could fall, helping her over the railing.

      “This way!” She led me down a path as the Hulk destroyed everything behind us, tearing up the hallway while we raced toward a door.

      _“Rah!”_ He yelled and smacked us both toward a wall aggressively before pain rippled along my side. Natasha gripped her leg and slid back as the Hulk stepped on my arm to near her. He readied to hit her again but Thor flew over us and tackled him into the next room, breaking the walls down. Agents ran in every direction before I got to Natasha.

      “Are you all right?” I called over the chaos and she shook, holding her leg. “Let me heal this, it's very minor.” When she didn’t protest, my hands glowed and she blinked at me before nodding.

      “I’m fine, go help them,” her words caused me to stand before I rushed into the room where Thor was swinging at the Hulk, trying to grab his massive arm.

      “Bruce!” I called, not wanting to hurt him. This person I already cared about. These mortals had already gotten deep under my skin.

      “We are not…your enemies, Banner. Try to think,” Thor strained before he was slapped away. Using magic to sweep the Hulk backwards, I saw Thor smirk before reaching out to summon Mjolnir to him. The heat of battle raged through him. The Hulk ran toward him only to get bashed as Thor turned his body, swiftly hitting him in the jaw with Mjolnir. The Helicarrier jerked, sending us to the floor again.

      “We’ve got a perimeter breach! Hostiles are in Shield gear. Hold onto every junction.” A voiceover echoed and the door smacked open. Thor fought the Hulk behind me, falling into another room. Three men with heavy artillery came toward me before I took one out with an arrow, kicking another into the wall. I sent my knee up into the third’s helmet, breaking it before I chased after Thor. Vehicles flew past outside before Thor tackled me down for cover when a spray of bullets ripped into the windows. The Hulk, angrier than anything, roared a vicious sound before jumping outside onto the nose of a plane as they spun away.

      “Are you harmed?” Thor called and I shook my head before he yanked me up.

      “Loki,” I gasped out when he nodded so we took off.

      We were a damn time bomb.

** ** **

      We rushed into the cell just as Loki was being let out and Thor rippled with ferocity.

      “No!”

      “Thor, wait!” I tried but he’d already leapt through the illusion only to be locked in the cell. Something hard smacked against the back of my head. Roughly, I was tossed to the floor. Thor smashed Mjolnir against the glass and barely made a crack.

      “Are you ever not going to fall for that?” Loki hissed softer.

      “Loki!” I gasped, crawling backward as the knife at the end of his spear pointed toward my heart. “We both know it won’t work on me.” Loki bared his teeth, unable to contain his rage. Instead, he picked me up by the hair and slammed me against the glass, body wedging me there. He smelled horrid, I almost gagged. Thor shouted in a fury and hit the cell again with little result. My body was petrified, unable to react. The man I loved had turned into every man who once abused me. I hated what he had become and what it cost. Loki was horrible and I would not try to save him with love.

      “Stop! Don’t touch her!”

      “You mean you care about your poor fiancé?” Loki held me in place. His breath was hot and rank against the side of my face before he slipped his tongue along my ear. Cringing and shaken, I stared at Thor, eyes wide.

      “Thor, I’m sorry,” I rasped, Loki’s fingers tore some hair from my scalp and he jerked me back to the floor. “Let him go.” I wanted to dive on him and fill him with pain but couldn’t risk it with Thor in there.

      “No.” Loki observed me. “Beg.” I looked at Thor and closed my eyes. _Bastard._

      “…Please.” I shook, coming up a little. “Please, Loki, let him go.”

      “More.” He breathed, eerie green eyes on me as I came up to touch his clothes.

      “Please, Loki. Don’t do this. Come back to us.”

      “I am right here,” Loki touched the back of my hair, fingers sliding between soft locks while I touched his thigh. “Beg me.”

      “Please!” I cracked. “Please! Come back! Don’t let them keep you anymore! Please, Loki! Let Thor go and come back home with us!”

      “Tell me you love me,” Loki eased softly and his eyes flickered to Thor behind me as I grabbed his clothing firmly.

      “I love you.”

      “Tell me you need me.”

      “I need you.” Tears were falling now. This was ugly.

      “Beg for me.”

      “I love you so much!” I screamed out. “I need you! I need you! I need you! Please come back, Loki! I miss you.” Loki, as if he took pity, caught one of my tears on his thumb and leaned over. “Please.” I kept chanting in gasps. “You’ll die. Please.” He felt dead already to me.

      “There’s my clever girl.” Loki looked at me with so much affection for only a brief moment. He pressed his lips to my brow. Long fingers held my hair tighter before he spoke when I grew frantic. “Keep begging.”

      “Please…Loki. I want you. I need you. Come home. Please, come home. Let your brother go! I love- _ah!”_ My mouth opened with a cry that barely made it to my lips. I stared at Loki’s eyes in confusion before dropping my gaze to the blade twisted into my stomach. Blood dripped and I gasped when Loki yanked back, cradling my head tenderly to bring me to the ground. The motion reminded me of the many times we’d made love and he eased me against the mattress. My hands slipped slowly from his clothing. Thor screamed something behind me and Loki hushed me sweetly as I grasped to his collar, unable to grip tight. Shaken, my head tilted to look at Thor as I bled out on the ground, chest heaving for air.

      “Say if you loved me…you would stop,” Loki stated then, releasing me before he stood tall. “Say it.”

      “No.” Eyes wide, I just looked at him. Numb. Blank. My blood dripped against the mind stone and sizzled hot to glow brighter. Loki didn’t notice.

      “Very well,” Loki brushed past me toward a large red button. Thor looked at me and stepped back, realizing what he might have to do to stop Loki. I couldn’t move or speak, not even pressing my hands to the wound. Bloodied fingers stretched out to Thor.

      “The humans think us immortal,” Loki shifted his palm across the buttons lightly, pressing one to open the hatch under his brother. “Shall we test that?” Thor stared at Loki with still a flicker of hope in his eyes. Mine was starting to bleed out around me. My hand reached out for Thor again, I tried to speak but the moment ended when Loki smashed the button and sent Thor dropping away. Silence filled the room as my voice picked up.

      “He was prepared to fall with you. That day…the bifrost.”

      “I know.” Loki, numb, turned his gaze away. “I am going to forget you after this.”

      “You will remember me…and everything. And it will eat you.” I gasped while blood trickled from the corner of my mouth. “Thor is going to live…and me. And you know that.” I chuckled painfully when Loki stood over me, anger on his face. “You can’t even commit to killing us. Do it. Open my throat. I dare you, my prince.”

      “I could pick you apart.”

      “I broke so many promises to you, Loki.” I exhaled instead. “I almost hated myself for it. Almost. The ones I kept for myself are far more important. Right now, I’m promising myself that I’m going to give you payment in full.”

      “I long for such a thing,” he sighed, eyes tracing my face before his head tilted. “Did you _fuck_ him?”

      _“Oh, Loki_ ,” my laugh was breathless, smile wide and bloodied. “I let him fuck me. Let a few other men and women do it too.”

      “Did you like it?”

      “As much as you would have, I’m sure.” I paused, eyes memorizing his gaunt face. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

      “Sooner than you think.” Loki passed me and escaped like smoke. Wind blew in as I breathed softly now until I was found by Steve and Natasha just minutes later.

      “Is she alive?” Natasha came to my side and I blinked after she checked my pulse.

      “Half,” I said before she took my wrists and pressed my hands to the wound.

      “Heal yourself… I saw her do it.” She looked up at Steve while he shook my shoulder, determination and sympathy on his sweet face. “Come on.”

      “We need you if we’re going to stop Loki.” He pressed and my heart skipped a beat. Eyes focusing.

      “You need me?” I furrowed my brow, tone hushed. "You need me..." Such a thing it was to be needed. I hadn’t heard and believed those words in what felt like eons.

      “Yes.” Natasha repeated, something close to empathy crossed her expression. “We need you. Pull it together.” Pressing my hands to the blood, I gasped and felt the wound close. They helped me up and down the hall as I got my strength back.

      “Thor?” Steve asked and I shook my head.

      “He’ll find us.”

** ** **

      After getting cleaned up, I sat down across from Steve at a table to gather my strength. Tony joined us after a moment and none of us spoke before Nick Fury shifted down the stairs. I traced the rip through my armor and wondered if Loki finally got stabbing me out of his damn system. I prayed Thor made it out alive, but I believed in him.

      “We’re dead in the air up here. Our communications, location of the cube, Banner, Thor. I got nothing for you. Maybe I had this coming.” Fury dropped his hands. “Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea, Stark knows this, which was just today nicknamed the Avengers initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Some we recruited...while some came to us." He peered at me. "People from different walks of life to set aside all that for hope. There are people out there who need protecting. People who need hope. Remarkable humans and mutants are starting to show themselves. But, we need to still believe in that idea, don’t we? In heroes?” Clearly not wanting to hear anymore, Tony stood up and turned on his heel to leave us.

      “Go,” I coaxed Steve after I saw him shift. He glanced at me and stood, shuffling to follow before I sat back.

      “And you, you’re just here by pure luck, aren’t you?” Fury glanced at me.

      “I wish it were so,” I exhaled.

      “Just as well. If you’re interested, Natasha thinks we should take a chance on you. Agent Hill and I agree.” Nick Fury stepped toward me. “Ask yourself again, what are you prepared to do?”

      “I gave Loki many chances to do the right thing.” I paused. “His shifting steps won’t stop me from doing the right thing in turn.”

      It’s why we had to come together truly. Put aside our differences. Because it was the absolute right thing to do.

      “Good, I heard Natasha wanted to see you. If you’re up to it. Just down the hall and to the left.”

      “Many thanks, Director Fury. I’m no stranger to being stabbed,” I stood and wiped off my clothing, using magic to mend the pieces of fabric and armor as I walked. Natasha opened the door and observed me before she stood back. “You have my thanks for helping me back there. You and Captain Rogers.” Strapped to a table was a man with bright blue eyes, obviously under the influence of the scepter. “Who is he?”

      “A friend. Clint Barton.” Natasha shut the door. “You said you could help protect us from the scepter’s influence. Can you push it from his brain?”

      “Yes.”

      “You’re sure?” She stepped in front of me as if it were a test. “I need something more.”

      “I’ll tell you what I know,” I stopped and gazed at her face, hands clasping as I thought of Nerien. “I…am the last. And I am built to do terrible things. I didn’t realize that fully for a long time. Almost everything in me points to the direction of villainy. I’m sure that path would have been easier for me to take. But, despite that, I want to finally do some good with this power I was given. It’ll eat me and everyone else if I don’t. Do you understand?”

      “Yes…I do.” Natasha sidestepped slightly to allow me closer to her friend. I rounded the table while he struggled, hissing at me like an animal.

       “Is this you beginning to trust me?” I wondered without looking up.

      “I just might if this works.” Natasha crossed her arms and I pressed my fingers to Clint’s temples. He groaned aloud and my spine went rigid as I saw the things he did. Visions of Loki speaking to himself in a daze caught my attention.

      “Loki…he was communicating with The Other for the entire time. He is mentally connected to them somehow… I knew it.” I breathed, pushing hard to flush out the stone’s influence. Loki had spoken to his drones about me. _Don’t kill her. She’s mine._ I wanted to laugh. “Clint Barton…” I eased and saw images of him, a bit younger, walking a lone, old dog down a rainy street. Contented somehow. “There you are.” Breathing heavy, I pressed my fingers down and abruptly pulled away as he sagged.

      _“Shit.”_

      “Does that sound more like your friend?” I tilted my head and she tried not to smile.

      “Yes.” Natasha came forward, touching his wrist. It was clear that there was love between them. “Clint? You’re going to be all right.” He was shaking his head and trembling.

      “It’ll take time, but I think he’ll be himself soon. Get him some water when you can.” I stepped backwards. “I’ll leave you both.” She nodded at me and I smiled lightly in return.

      “Thank you... If we wanted to block out the stone’s influence in the future?”

      “I’m sure that I can work something out. But, you’d have to let me into your head for a brief period of time.” I explained, making my way out slowly. “If that is something you all are ready for, let me know.” The door slid shut behind me and I washed my face in another room, tracing my finger down one scar lightly. Alone, I fixed the black makeup around my eyes and exhaled deeply. I would break Loki’s contact from the Chitauri and him if need be. I would protect Thor and retrieve the stones. As promised.

      After all, I wasn’t one to break those.

** ** **

      After fixing up my armored pieces, I strapped my weapons back on and made my way back to the main room only for Steve to almost bump into me. His next quick words sent me in a spin. “We have it.”

      “You found him?”

      “Not exactly, you know Loki…all of this trouble to break us. Tony and I think he wants an audience. He wants to be seen by the world tearing us down.”

      “So he can break their spirits,” my tone was small and I remembered Jotunheim.

      “New York is the playing field. We think Stark Tower is the stage.” Steve paused. “We’re going. If you’re ready for this. It won’t be easy.”

      “I’m not here to do the easy thing.” I nodded. “You can count on me.” Natasha rounded the hallway and crossed her arms.

      “Clint and I as well.” Natasha paused and looked at me. “People are going to see you the way they saw Thor for the first time. A powerful being from another realm. They might speculate. Fear you. Want to be you. Just know that. The moment you step out there, you’re an Avenger. You’re one of us.”

      “You may not have planned to be here but, you want to help us put a stop to Loki’s plans,” Steve added. “It’s the only word we care about now.”

      “It would be an honor.” My lips tugged. Mortals were trusting me. Not looking at me as if I was a monster or a bastard or whore. It felt different. So good.

      “He all right?” Steve inquired and she nodded. Trusting her as well, Steve smirked before he went on. “Can he fly us out?”

      “Yes.”

      “You got a suit?” Steve waited for us both to nod. “Well, suit up.”

      “We need her to protect us from the scepter’s influence before we fly out.” Natasha gestured and I tried not to look surprised. “I’ll get Clint and meet you in the main room.” Steve and I raced down to meet Tony as he prepared the broken remains of his suit.

      “I’ll fly out and change at Stark Tower.”

      “What if Loki is already there?” I asked while he picked up his beaten helmet.

      “I’ll threaten him,” Tony shrugged.

      “Thor’s not here so you should get Tony first before he goes,” Steve took Tony’s shoulder and sat him in a chair.

      “Ah, ah, I’m not responsible for the things you see in there,” Tony put up his hands like I’d stung him.

      “I haven’t even touched you yet,” I chuckled.

      “I’m preparing.” He sagged. “Alright, get it over with.” Instantly, my hands grasped his head before he jolted against me. Visions of a young boy working to impress his father filled me. Laughing the pain off. The way his world shifted forever when the shrapnel charged toward his heart. Atoning for what he’d done since then.

      “Here,” I gasped before releasing him.

      “Gah!” Tony jumped up and shook his arms out. “Gives me the creeps more than anything.”

      “You done?” I tilted my head and gestured for Steve to sit as Tony spoke.

      “So this magical shield-”

      “Rune.” I corrected quietly.

      “-will keep the scepter off my back? Or away from my head, I guess.”

      “It should. Never know unless you test it.” I winked, lips tugging.

      “That’s promising,” Tony crossed his arms as I touched Steve’s temples from behind him. “You’re being way nicer with him.”

      “I don’t know what you mean,” I shrugged, arching slightly when Steve’s mind came into few. A soldier. A good man first. Friends lost. Loves lost. And yet, here he was. Stuck in a world that let him down in a way. And still fighting for it. I released him after implanting the rune and he stood up, blinking.

      “That didn’t hurt,” he passed Tony to prepare.

      “She was rougher with me on purpose,” Tony insisted, getting into place to suit up.

      “Go, now,” Steve picked up his own helmet, “we’ll meet you there.”

      “Yeah, yeah, just off to fight a god and his alien army.” Tony marched away and out the back.

      “I’m glad you’re such good friends now,” I pressed my hand to my stomach to steady myself and reached back to feel the arrows in my quiver. “I don’t have that many arrows but my magic will do once I run low. In truth, I think I’m more comfortable there either way.”

      “Here, we’ll all need to stay in contact.” Steve handed me an earpiece, which I put in. “Test.”

      “I can hear you.” I nodded as Natasha and Clint came down the stairs. “Is he well?”

      “Fine. Thank you for that earlier. Nat said you could stop the scepter from getting in but I think I’ll opt out for now. I’m an archer, Loki won’t get near me without an arrow in his eye socket.” Clint paused. “I heard you’re his ex but that won’t stop me from killing him if I get a shot.” In truth, I could not deny him.

      “Nor should it. You do what you need to, I won’t stop you. I saw what Loki did…and what he made you do.” I paused. “I’ll do what needs to be done as well. Natasha?”

      “Right.” She took a seat and exhaled, nodding when I glanced at her. “Do it.” I touched her temples carefully and slipped into the cracks of her mind with ease. I admired Natasha’s strength. To be made and unmade and made again. Wipe the red out. To see and do such horrors and come out this brave and good whole person. We don’t start out good. Good is something we choose to do. I released her and stood straighter, glancing at Steve to nod.

      “Those should hold for a while.”

      “Ready?” Steve inquired, earning expressions of approval before he turned and we walked in a group up to a hangar to get a vehicle. Passing agents to enter a jet, a young pilot tried to stop us.

      “You’re not authorized to be in here…"

      “Son,” Steve tilted his head, more annoyed than anything. “Just don’t.” The pilot slid around us carefully and left so Natasha and Clint took their seats. Steve and I grasped to handles that hung down before we took off toward the final battle. Mentally, I felt like bland static, trying to calm the storm raging within me. Above all, I felt ready. My lips lifted when I caught Steve's eyes, he nodded in turn.

      We were Avengers now.

** ** **

      The first thing I saw was the light beaming upward toward the sky, ripping open the portal. Chariots full of Chitauri descended. New York was tossed into chaos, explosions rippling over the city. Lightning struck and I jolted to full attention.

      “Thor!” I looked out a window. “He found us. He’ll go for Loki.”

      “Almost there,” Clint pushed the jet faster.

      “Stark, we’re headed north east,” Natasha voiced into her headset.

      “What, did you all stop for drive thru?” Tony replied into my earpiece. “Swing up the park, I’m going to lay them out for you.” The jet swerved to the side, guns blasting into the Chitauri as I tried to get a better look at the portal. What I saw was shocking.

      “Those aren’t soldiers,” I mused, laughing aloud.

      “What do you mean?” Steve came to my side and held on to a bar above me.

      “They’re just a beast race. Trained in fighting probably and not lacking in numbers. Strong weapons, yes. But no match for a real battle. No mettle or true bravery. They gave Loki a bunch of animals.” I laughed still and quieted myself, wistful. “He always was a fool.”

      “See them?” Natasha piped up. Along the top of Stark Tower, the Tesseract was covered by a shield in its device, keeping the portal open. Thor and Loki were fighting just below it in a fury, unleashing all the pent up rage and emotion they could. We aimed for Loki but he tossed the scepter up and blasted the wing, sending us spinning away. I held on tightly before we skidded into the street roughly and the back door opened. With all of us unharmed, we jumped out and took in the sight of the battle. Mortals running in a panic as the authorities tried to keep control. I'd never seen a city like this. Chitauri flew and blasted into buildings, sending shockwaves past us. A shadow loomed over from the portal and I looked up to see a Chitauri leviathan swoop out with many more beasts eagerly awaiting to fight.

      “Even that’s new to me,” I muttered when I caught their awe. The Chitauri themselves wielded mostly energy rifles with bayonets at the end.

      “Stark, are you seeing this?” Steve spoke.

      “I’m seeing, still working on believing. Where’s Banner? Has he shown up yet?” Tony replied as I pulled the dagger from my hip and let magic run down my arms.

      “Banner?” Steve questioned and I smiled.

      “Bruce will come and fight with us.” I was certain of my words.

      “Just keep me posted.” Tony uttered as he flew.

      “Those people need assistance down there,” Steve led us forward into the heat of battle. We split up to take down a group firing at innocent civilians. I lunged forward and droved my blade into one before using magic to send another off a bridge. I kicked a third away and used my power to send pain up and down his frame. Grabbing for a rifle, I smacked another away from me and fired before tossing the gun aside. A chariot led by Loki rushed above me with a group of loyal Chitauri following after. Natasha shot one and kicked another in my path to be taken out. We shared a smirk.

      “We got this,” she turned to Steve. “It’s good. Go!”

      “You think you can hold them off?” Steve readied to run.

      “Captain,” Clint began, “it would be my genuine pleasure.” Steve was racing forward as we fought, taking down little groups across the streets. I used a few arrows but my magic was getting me further. Clint waved me over to tear the door off a long vehicle to help children and parents to safety.

      “Go, hurry, run for cover!” I ushered away as many as I could, turning when I caught three Chitauri gunning for a mother and her two children. Gracefully, I jumped up onto a vehicle and swept one up into the air with magic before sending him into the building. The next turned to attack me but I grabbed his neck, sending a surge of pain straight into his mind before he fell. A third lunged but I blasted him backwards without even looking. The luminous sun caught my face to caress it while I stared down at the mortals I’d rescued.

      “You saved us, thank you!” The mother began, clutching her children close. More humans whispered as they gathered from their hiding spots behind her. They looked up at me like I was an actual god to them. For once, I felt like one. Those adoring eyes and outstretched hands. With gratitude in place of fear and disgust.

      “You’re a hero!” Another called. Smoke filled the space behind me.

      “She’s here with Thor. She can do magic. Like him!” More piped up, holding forth recording devices while the air swept up my curls.

      “What’s your name? Who are you?” They asked and I was in awe for a moment, lips parting. Above me, Tony flew past and I smiled bright.

      _“Psyche.”_ On Earth, I was a hero; they gave me what the people of Asgard hadn’t in ages. Loki wanted to rule. He wanted it all. But, who could rule without grand wealth or followers with clasped hands? Who could rule when they’ve already lost their love? Loki would try to rule with fear. But, he would fail. The fates aligned for all of us. Quickly, I began to create a path so they could get to safety. “This way, come on.” Lightning struck above me as I fought and Thor touched down, holding his side and shaken up about something. I raced toward him and touched my lips.

      “You’re hurt,” I pressed my hands to the small wound to heal it.

      “It’s nothing,” Thor tried but his hope in Loki was waning. For a brief moment, he put his arm around me, relieved I was safe.

      “What’s the story upstairs?” Steve raced toward us.

      “The powers surrounding the cube is impenetrable.” Thor shook his head and Tony’s voice filled my ear.

      “Thor is right. We got to deal with these guys. Psych, the rune did wonders, by the way.”

      "I'm glad." I smirked to myself.

      “How do we do this?” Natasha filled the clips in her weapons.

      “As a team.” Steve stated simply and we all came together.

      “The only way.” I added.

      “I have unfinished business with Loki.” Thor began.

      “Yeah, get in line?” Clint added, fixing an arrow tip.

      “Save it,” Steve cut in. “Loki’s going to keep this fight focused on us and that’s what we need. Without him, these things could run wild. We got Stark up top, he’s going to…” He trailed off as Bruce appeared on a small, battered vehicle, looking fatigued when he took in the surroundings.

      “So, this all seems horrible.” He put his hands in his pockets.

      “I’ve seen worse,” Natasha shifted forward.

      “Sorry.” He offered then.

      “No, we could use a little worse.” She smiled slightly and I spoke into the earpiece.

      “Tony, he’s here. Bruce.”

      “Just like you said,” Steve added.

      “Then tell him to suit up,” Tony replied evenly, “I’m bringing the party to you.” Sweeping out from behind a building, a massive leviathan flew out just beyond him. When we all took battle stances, it was Bruce who shifted forward toward the beast in a leisure fashion.

      “I hardly see how that’s a party,” Natasha commented behind me.

      “Can’t be worse than some of Asgard’s all-nighters.” I shrugged, huffing.

      “Dr. Banner. Now might be a really good time for you to get angry,” Steve offered and Bruce smirked.

      “That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.” Shifting into the Hulk in one fluid motion, a large fist smashed into the leviathan, causing it to crack upwards and expose the weak spot. Tony shot rockets and the entire beast exploded, showering fire toward us. Steve put up his shield to protect Natasha and Clint while I sent up a ward to repel most of the flames. Thor spun Mjolnir and nodded to me like we were teens again and going into noble battle once more. My scars tugged when I smiled fully. We felt like a team. The Hulk roared as he stood next to me, eager to fight and Steve readied to take control when more chariots flew down from the portal.

      “Guys,” Natasha warned.

      “Call it, Cap.”  Tony suggested, encouraging, and Steve gave off orders.

      “All right, listen up. Until we close that portal, we’re going to focus on containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or turn it to ash.”

      “Want to give me a lift?” Clint spoke so Tony grabbed him.

      “Right. Better clench up, Legolas.” He paused and turned to me. “Psyche, eh? Not a bad superhero name. Wonder who came up with that?” Entertained, I shrugged and he flew off with Clint.

      “I want you and Thor up there as well. Thor, you try to slow those coming out of the portal. Light the bastards up.” Steve’s words caused Thor to nod before he looked to me. “Use the last arrows and that magic of yours to take out the Chitauri along the buildings and any flying past. If you catch sight of Loki, take him down or signal the others. Go.”

      “Got it,” I let Thor sweep me close before he swung Mjolnir and we flew off. “I’ll start there.” He landed on a towering building and set me down before I took his face and kissed the corner of his mouth. “For luck.”

      “Fight well, my friend,” Thor touched my shoulder and I nodded for him to go. He flew to another building and summoned all the lightning he could to blast those exiting the portal. I spent a few arrows and fought off four before they could climb up to the roof I was on. Aiming, I waited for a chariot to pass before I hit the driver, sending it spinning into the many vehicles behind it. Fire lit up the sky and I swept one beast off the side of the tower with ease.

      “Clint, do you have eyes on me?” I asked aloud.

      “Yeah, there’s a group trying to sneak into the building on your right. Two floors down.” Instantly, I jumped high and landed on a ledge, running until I caught up with a Chitauri who snarled at me. I ripped him from the window he clung to with magic before I climbed to fight off the rest. One managed to hit my shoulder hard before I killed him, almost causing me to tip backwards. Grunting, I held the sore spot before racing across the room to see the city again. “Thor’s leading something big your way too.” Scaling to the roof, I rushed to the side and aimed an arrow at the leviathan Thor was fighting. Exhaling, I shot it through the eyes just as he smashed its back to take it down fully. Adrenaline charged. My body vibrated with it. I heard Clint giving more orders to the others in my ear as Natasha and Steve planned to close the portal.

      “Is that…?” I gasped, minutes later, when I saw Natasha flying past on a chariot and Clint scoffed.

      “Doesn’t surprise me.”

      "Impressive mortal." I'd remarked.

      "You have no idea." Clint offered and Natasha hummed on the other end, amused.

      “Looks like you need a hand,” I caught sight of Loki finally, chasing after her and trying to shoot her down on his own vehicle. "Loki's on your tail." Instantly, I sprang from the building to land on one chariot. “Excuse me,” I kicked the driver out and jerked the controls toward Natasha. My body charged with power and fury. _Come on. Almost there._ Leaping from one to another, I finally got to her just as Loki whooshed ahead of us and turned to fire. With vigor I didn’t know I had, I looked right into his eyes and spread my arms out; placing my body between Natasha and him. Fingers splayed, I stared Loki down and he bared his teeth at me as wind blew through my hair. For a moment, we connected together. Souls twisting. His shuddered to pieces. Turning, Loki flew into another direction and I turned to see Natasha’s expression.

      “Did you know he’d back off?”

      “Not fully,” I shrugged, watching her drive us another way. “Want to help me toy with him?”

      “Sounds like fun,” Natasha jerked the controls when I nodded, feeling my quiver and realizing that I had one arrow left.

      “I’ll save that one.” I muttered. “Catch Loki’s attention and lead him toward Clint. I think he’ll appreciate it.” I looked around and spotted the flash of green once more. “There!” I used magic to sweep Loki’s vehicle to the side, enraging him. I assumed he realized his army was no match for us. “You never were that great a driver, Loki!” I called, laughing openly. “Swerve left.” Natasha obliged while we dodged an onslaught of blasts that instead hit many Chitauri. We both chuckled louder at Loki from our distance and led him further around another building.

      “Almost there,” Natasha spoke.

      “Bring us higher,” I readied to jump out the back and she realized my play.

      “Your call,” she shrugged. “Clint, get ready.”

      “Got it.” His voice spoke before I jumped and landed directly in front of Loki, eyes intent on his angry expression.

      “Hey, handsome,” I leaned forward and clicked my teeth at him, grinning widely. “You ever hear the tale about the fallen prince who was betrayed by his masters? I think you’re in it now. Also…your army is _horseshit.”_ Loki readied to surge forward; he tried to drive the vehicle at the same time but I kept smiling when I heard Clint’s voice.

      “Got him.”

      “Loki, if you must know,” my eyes slid from his face to the obnoxious golden helmet with larger horns than before. “I still think that damn helmet is silly.” Jumping over him before he could grab me, I jerked the helmet from his head as I flew downward only to be grabbed by the Hulk’s massive arm. He landed on a roof and we paused to see Clint’s arrow fly toward Loki’s head. He spun and caught it in one hand, smirking before it beeped and exploded in his face. “Damn.” I gasped in awe. Loki’s body was tossed toward Stark Tower. “Now here comes my real chance. Hulk. Care to join me?” I looked up and the Hulk smiled before he jumped, roaring as we landed on Stark Tower. Loki swept his cape from his head and lunged to his feet; breaking down fully.

      “You think I’ll bow to your love?!” He hissed when I took steps toward him. “Pathetic! And you’re a fool for even believing that you are the hero today- _ah!”_ My fist cracked into Loki’s eye socket, spinning him around before I grabbed his shoulders and tossed him toward the Hulk. Like this was a game, his green foot kicked Loki through the glass and into the bar table hard.

      “Done?” I cocked my head to the side but Loki dove up. “Your army is falling. Remember that sensation as well, I assume... I do too.”

      _“Enough!_ You are all beneath me!” He looked up at the Hulk. “I am a god, you dull creature!”

      “Loki, I really wouldn’t,” I warned, not trying to stop him with any real effort.

      “And I will not be bullied by-” Loki’s words turned to a breathy gasp when the Hulk grabbed him by the leg and smacked him against the floor. I watched, eyebrows lifting as he was swung around like a ragdoll. His body thrashed and broke dents into the ground until the Hulk paused to see if he was still alive. He was. The onslaught continued before Loki was tossed hard, panting, into the floor one more time. With his body embedded there, he let out a high pitched sound while the Hulk marched away. Eyebrow arched, I stared in morbid fascination.

      “Puny god.” The Hulk paused and gestured for me to come with him.

      “I can handle things from here.” I shook my head, smiling sadly.

      “Go,” he urged, touching my chin to get me to look up at him in a more tender motion.

      “Stay,” I saw a pretty woman with brown hair in my mind as he touched me. Betty.

      “Love?” The Hulk rumbled and I pulled at his large hand.

      “Help the others,” I whispered, picking up Loki’s helmet. “We have to close the portal.” The Hulk nodded and hit the ground, racing out to jump back into battle. I stepped over Loki and held up his helmet before I bent the horns down until it looked like a ram’s horns. “Get up.” I turned and allowed Loki a few moments to force himself to his feet. It sounded like he was straining.

      “I’ll kill you!” Loki stumbled forward but my fist charged into his nose, blood gushed down it. He fell on his ass and breathed heavily before I beckoned with two fingers.

      “I already played that game. I won. Get up.” My simple command infuriated him as he used the bar to force himself up. I let him hit me this time, hard across my jaw before I kicked him in the stomach. Loki struggled for air and fell to his knees but I ripped him up by the collar. “Tell me how to close the portal or I’ll force it from you.” He spat blood on my neck in response and I smiled. “Thought so.”

      “You’re too good. You won’t…force me.” Loki chuckled and I screamed in his face.

      _“Won’t I?! Huh?!”_ I dropped him roughly in a heap on the floor.

      “Where are you?” A voice in my earpiece called.

      “I’m fine. Everyone. I’m fine.” I calmly set the earpiece on the bar so they could still hear me but not invade my mind. Loki was dragging himself away from me but I straddled his back and pressed my hands against his temples. “Tell me I won’t again.” I remembered like a fresh wound, his betrayal and our last day in Asgard. It still cut so deep.

      “No!” Loki squirmed as I found the answer.

      “There… Use the scepter atop the tower and close the portal! Now!” I got up and put the earpiece against my head.

      “Tell us where you are!” Steve called.

      “Bruce knows. End this. Together.” I smashed the earpiece with my fist while Loki struggled to stand up, falling to his knees again. Slowly, I approached him again with careful steps like a feline stalking a mouse. “All hail the king…” I mocked in a terrifyingly calm tone. Loki reeled back when I punched him again. “How dare you pretend to die and leave us like that?”

      “I am a king. A hero,” Loki coughed. The scent of blood masking him was a welcomed change. “They’ll bow to me.”

      “Come off it already,” I leaned down and jerked him up, tossing him into the wall. “How dare you leave us the way you did?!”

      Loki only uttered my name and I trembled. Fire and ice swelled inside me. Payment in full.

      “Beg me, sweetheart.” I breathed heavily, losing it at last before I punched him in the cheek. Loki scrambled as I jerked him up to his feet; our eyes locked. “Tell me you love me!” I threw Loki clear over my head, his body slammed against the floor and some armor pieces broke away. My hands contorted with fury. Hair fell wild around my face. Magic swelled red and orange between my fingers. He tried to claw away but I grabbed his leg and jerked him toward me. Black fingernails left harsh marks in the floor. “Tell me you need me!” Snapping, I kicked him a few feet further in a fit of rage and Loki trembled to get up when I grabbed him. “Tell me you can’t ever be without me!” I kept punching him, blood splattered everywhere and bubbled in his mouth. Loki’s green eyes kept looking directly at me after each hit and I began to slam his upper torso against the floor.

      “Look at you,” Loki tried to chuckle and groaned, causing me to pause. “Look…at me…”

      _“What would you do with your greatest creation?”_ Nerien uttered in my head once more and I gasped for air.

      Ripping away from him, I rolled to my side and we both gave heavy breaths like we’d just made love. The dwindling fight outside didn’t meet my ears anymore when I saw Tony flying past with a large nuke. A sacrifice. I sat up but Loki tried to toss his beaten body on me, shaking before his hands wrapped around my neck.

      “Stay down.” I strained and kicked him in the ribs hard, forcing him off me. “Stay.” Getting up, I spared him a glance and looked at the window when light charged over the sky. “The portal. We did it…we won.”

      “Such…a _prize…_ you’ve won.” Loki chuckled ruefully while he got up, body broken and bloodied like a collapsed marionette. I did warn him. Using my last arrow, I aimed and hit him in the outer thigh without hesitation. That was when he screamed and fell to the floor, curling up and holding the wound as he tried not to jerk around.

      “I never showed you what I did while you were gone,” I came to Loki’s side and slipped down, laying my hand against his temples. “Shall we test this?”

      “Don’t!” He about shrieked but I showed him everything. Thor. The trial. My suicide attempt. The things I did and studied. The lies I had to tell. The pain.

      “In return…I’ll see what you did.” I saw the darkest corners of the worlds. The terrible things he had done. The threats and promises of being King. The power put before his eyes. In his hands. The lust. The things he did to cope. A figure in shadows upon a throne with glowing eyes. The same figure that loomed over me. The Other’s final warning. _…No crevice where he can’t find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain…_ I stared at Loki and he stared at me before I slipped my hand into his when his connections to The Other severed fully. I didn't dare grow nearer to the titan in shadows. Not yet. The nuke had detonated. Loki arched in pain and groaned out as it was all ripped away from him; leaving him alone. Leaving him with me. His hand held tight to mine before he sagged and blinked.

      “Now…it’s over.” He uttered and I pulled from him. “Kill me.”

      “No.” I exhaled. “I’m done for today.”

      “Kill me,” Loki urged, eyes filling with tears before his voice turned to ice. “Do it. Finish this.”

      “I’m not letting you live because I love you.” I stared at him, eyes tracing his bloodied face. “In truth, a part of me wishes you’d stayed dead. Having you stay dead seems easier than dragging all this agony to the surface again…for both of us. You could have died the Loki I knew…instead of living as this… No, Loki, I’m allowing breath to your lungs for one reason. Thor. No matter what he says or does, he’ll love you forever whether he likes it or not. I owe him a debt and I’ll pay it at last with your life. And after this…I will no longer be your tomb.”

      “ _Thor_.” Loki growled, fingers tightly closing.

      “Oh, and stop faking your death.” I rounded the bar before I picked up a bottle of mortal alcohol. “They all lived. I can feel it. I can feel souls looming, beckoning for me. Something is waking inside me. Slowly... It's waiting, I think. Waiting for a charge. No matter...my team. They’re going to come for you and they’ll find me here. Soon, Thor and I will bring you home… At long last.” I took a large drink and laughed lightly. “This tastes like it’s for children. Mortals. Honestly.” Genuinely, I smiled and shook my head. “Still, I see why Thor loves them so.” When I saw Tony land on the balcony, Natasha jumped down to join him. Behind them Thor and The Hulk appeared with Clint and Steve. I smiled at my new friends and stood to join them, nestling into Thor’s arms when relief filled me. He felt beaten still, in a way, but slid an arm around my back. My hands were coated in Loki’s blood.

      “Shit…” Tony approached Loki’s frame on the floor. “Some diva you are.” Clint readied an arrow as we gathered behind him.

      “It’s over.” Thor spoke and Clint backed off. Loki eyed us, unable to move any longer.

      “We won.” Steve breathed.

      We really did.

      But, there were worse things still at play.

** ** **

      “Loki and the Tesseract will both come back to Asgard,” Thor stood over Fury and a few agents who arrived.

      “I won’t argue with that. First, we need to deal with clean up and debrief. Stay and help us do that, it might make things easier. World won't be the same after this day.” He responded and I touched Thor’s arm.

      “The scepter as well.” I insisted and Thor nodded.

      “Father sent me with the means to ensure Loki cannot escape,” Thor produced a bag from his side. Loki was still on the floor with many pointing weapons at him, breathing heavily. My arrow in his leg.

      “Should I do it?” I asked when Thor showed me what was in the sack. This looked too hard on him. “Let me. Then we can move and heal him up for the journey.”

      “If you wish,” Thor didn’t look at me or Loki before he turned his head to the side. The Avengers all stood behind me, ready to stop Loki but he wasn’t moving.

      “Loki…cooperate with me and I pull that arrow from your leg,” I breathed, pulling the shackles out first. “Hands.” Shaken, Loki showed me his hands and I cuffed him; our eyes locked. I cuffed his ankles next and runes glowed, taking away Loki’s use of magic. “You gave your father that cuff to study after we contacted the Norns…did you not?”

      “Yes.” Thor didn’t lie. “One last thing.” His words caused me to take a metal muzzle out of the bag. My heart sunk low when I caught Loki’s expression.

      “Open,” I tried but Loki shook his head furiously and scooted away. Agents became agitated but I set out my hands.

      “It’s under control,” Natasha vouched for me.

      “Loki,” I pressed my teeth together. “Just get it over with. You've lost.”

      “No,” he struggled as I took his jaw and felt betrayal. Squeezing his cheeks in, Loki cried out before I pressed the device into his mouth. His lips clamped shut when I locked it into place then tried to stand. In response, Loki jerked the chains around my neck and pulled me to him. Many moved at once but my hands shot out.

      “Stop!” I looked at Thor and grabbed for the arrow in Loki’s leg before he could throttle me. “Loki…in all honesty…I am sorry for this. A bit.” Ripping the arrow out, blood came with it and Loki screamed a muffled sound; shaken before he released me. Tony and Steve both yanked me up as Loki curled and held his wound; heaving into this muzzle. His eyes darted around to all of us through the greasy hair that had fallen into his face and I turned my gaze away.

      “We’ll take him to a cell downstairs. More of a steel box attached to the lab we're not using.” Tony spoke. “With the exception of this top floor, the tower can hold us while we sort this crap out. Might as well start picking rooms.” Medics wrapped Loki's leg before he was hauled off.

      “Treat him well.” Thor muttered before Loki was strapped to a stretcher; my sweet fiancé took my arms after and pulled me aside. “It’s okay.” Sensing my distress, Thor touched the back of my hair and kissed my head. This was killing him too. Agents were cleaning up around me as Thor pulled a healing stone from his side and handed it to me. I nodded and approached Loki again, who looked to be in a daze. Clint and Natasha were whispering off to the side as Selvig approached Thor to hug him.

      “We can build a container to transport the Tesseract in the meantime.” He spoke and Thor nodded. “Jane thinks about you a lot.” My heart tore in half so I turned and worked to heal Loki’s leg, crushing the stone into dust. The Tesseract was loaded up into a box and I stood when I saw them putting the scepter away elsewhere. My blood fizzled under skin. I stalked toward it but Steve put out his arm to catch me.

      “You okay?” He furrowed his brow and I sighed, swallowing.

      “Where is it going?”

      “Back to Shield for now.” An agent looked at me and tried to slide backwards. “Not to worry.”

      “I’m not comfortable with that,” I shook my head and came forward, opening the long box just so I could see the light again. Feeling it warm against my face, relief filled me. Eyes closed before I sighed out.

      “We have to meet these people halfway,” Thor tilted his head but I shook mine, peering at him.

      “The scepter and Tesseract both must stay with us.” I insisted. “Not just one. Both.”

      “What’s wrong?” Natasha came forward.

      “I promised her,” I stated in a hard tone. "They cannot bleed out into this world."

      “We’ll keep our promise,” Thor touched my shoulder and I caught Loki sitting up on his stretcher to see me.

      “No…you don’t understand, Thor,” I shook my head and when the group came closer, my fingers wrapped around the scepter to pick it up before I backed away. “Listen to me!” Holding it behind my back, my heart sped when something latched to it. I let the feeling overcome me.

      “It’s going to be okay,” Steve eased with Tony behind him.

      “Terrible things will happen if we lose the scepter. The Norns…I saw so much that didn’t make sense…but…now…” Heavy breaths drew slowly from my lips. My eyes darted around, sparkling with stars. “The Tesseract will come with us. Heimdall will be its keeper. With it, we will restore the bifrost.”

      “Yes,” Thor smiled for me, hands lifting to calm me down.

      “Can’t be destroyed… Not strong enough. We have no place for the stone and it sure as hell will not remain here to be studied,” I seethed and Thor went on.

      “We’ll solve this together.”

      “Don’t you see, Thor?!” I felt my face heat. “We can’t. But, I can…I…” Something coiled into my brain and connected every dot. My eyes widened with acceptance and tears that began to fall. The scepter pleaded for me to hold it close. “They knew… Frigga knew…and now…I know. I think I’ve always known. I repressed it for too long. It wants me. Something inside me calls it home. I wish I knew what. I felt both gems. But...this one...”

      “What do you mean?” Natasha tried. “Talk to us.” She stated my name and I looked up.

      “It’s me!” I exclaimed, eyes shutting and no one dared to get close to me. “It’s always been me. Do any of you hear it? I can. Always screaming.”

      “Thor…?” Tony looked to my close friend for some direction.

      “ _Mmm_!” Loki piped up behind them, struggling with no avail.

      “I promised your mother in secret that I would help her deal with the stones if we found them. The Tesseract will be safe. The others need to be destroyed if we cannot find a safe place for them. The mind gem won’t die. Not now. It isn’t within our power. But, it was waiting for me…damn it, I hate fate…I hate it so much. I have to choose though. It’s the final piece of me- _…and do you hear them?!”_ Panicked, I backed away further as Thor stopped the agents from getting closer. Why did this gem pull so at me? What inside me drew out such a passion? I stared at the scepter enclosed in my hand. “I’ve been dying and coming back for so long. For this. Until we can rid the world of this stone…I…”

      “Give us the scepter,” Fury tried carefully. “We don’t want anyone else hurt.”

      “Nor do I, my lord. Which is why I must do this.” I closed my hand around the stone and yanked it from the spear before I tossed it. The gem glowed hot and tugged about at my touch. My lungs seized. Its power radiated all over my willing flesh. “You can have the scepter back regardless.” The stone beamed between my fingers and Loki shouted something behind them again. It crackled against my hand and I came alive before many protests filled my ears at once. But, I no longer heard them. My eyes turned black, lifting.

      Today and in the following days, I would take back everything. Every piece of me.

      For a long time, I was trapped. Everywhere I went. But, not anymore. My terms.

      “Let’s talk about this,” Bruce, back to himself, spoke finally and I shook my head.

      “If this stone falls into the wrong hands… It will ruin everything we’ve built. I can’t have that. It…It wants me. It knows… Cannot be joined or kept apart.” The Norns words filled me. They knew the things I’d do. With this stone, I could destroy everything. Or protect. Or both.

      “You told me you wanted to do the right thing,” Natasha drew closer to me and I backed out onto the balcony. “You said you wanted to do good.”

      “I am.” I smiled. “Do you hear them singing to me?” I gazed at the stone coming to life and swirling about my fingers. My hands cupped it tenderly before it began to shake. _“Mother…”_ Without waiting for them to stop me, I tossed my head back and swallowed the stone in one motion. Inside me, it spread and coiled out to lick every crevice of my body. _Life at last._ It connected mind and soul. They both electificied, charging me to the brim. Unlocking fully what was hidden away even after Nerien. I hunched over and held my heart when the pain began, fire burned in my core. Falling to my knees, my spine crackled with power before I hit the ground with my fist. The fire engulfed me. I might have screamed or moaned but the light blinded my friends from view before I was in the air. Floating once more like I was under the water. The Norns laughed and cried for me as my limbs spread out and the stone swelled inside my heart. The sclera of my eyes remained pitch black before the iris shined bright blue and I saw the wonders of Yggdrasil filling me up.

      _“My brave Asgardian,_ ” Nerien muttered in my ear. “ _Shall you finally embrace the magnitude of you?”_

      “Valkyries…they’re screaming,” I breathed against the air in what may have been a sob before I smiled wide, without fear or regret. Lips stretched over teeth when my head tilted down, eyes terrifying and wide. “It’s _beautiful…”_ I reached up toward the sky as I was let down slowly, my eyes flooded back to normal.

      “Back away from her,” Thor’s voice broke before he caught my torso in his arms. “Get back, I said!” He caressed my face, eyes searching me intently while my feet barely touched the floor. The love Thor held for me flooded my veins. “What have you done?”

      “It was me,” I breathed, my strength began to come back. “Look at us, Thor, we’re heroes.”

      “The stone.” Thor’s eyes got big and I took his free hand while I sagged in his arms, touching it to my heart. “You’re going to carry it.”

      “I am the gem now. Keeper. Deliverer. Vessel. It’ll be better this way. It is mine and I'll belong to it in turn.” I inhaled sharply and slowly let the dark take me away. “We live together. Until one dies.”

** ** **

  _And from the ashes…I could rise again._

      I came to on a couch, a screen to my side was playing mortals reporting on the events. On the Avengers. _Heroes…_ When I shifted, Thor turned and jumped up before he took my shoulders.

      “She’s awake!”

      I breathed and felt the stone breathe with me.

      “You know,” Tony poked his head into my line of sight. “That was not how I predicted that battle ending. You just had to one up me like that?”

      “You drove a nuke into a portal with your mortal body. I still think you won,” I coughed.

      “She ate a powerful stone! She just swallowed it like a piece of candy.” Tony pointed as I sat up. “Pissed the Shield guys off too. Despite your entrée, we’re all getting food when you’re ready.” Steve, Natasha, and Clint hurried up the stairs to see me. Everyone looked cleaned up except Thor. “Big guy wouldn’t leave you alone. We had Bruce run a few tests and you’re vitals are all in peak condition. For an Asgardian I guess according to Thor.” Bruce joined us from another room. “Nothing too invasive. X-Rays don't work on Asgardians I learned.”

      “Where is Loki?” I looked around.

      “Locked away downstairs. I healed him as best I could. I’m not like you.” Thor touched my shoulder. I wondered if he spoke to Loki. If they shared a horrifying silence. “You should not have done what you did.”

      “There was nothing else. The stone told me things. We’ll protect each other now. For as long as we can.” There was certainty in my voice that I’d not known before.

      “Whoever gave it to Loki will come for you.” Thor countered.

      “They will try but I will be untouchable soon. The stone will shield me from the sight of foes, the way Loki can shield himself from Heimdall’s gaze. The stone needs me as I need it. Something in me called and the mind stone echoed. It does not matter now. Thor, this has been in the works for a long time. I wish I could explain… My power. The steps I took. Your mother. It was fate. Damned fate.” I touched his face and realized Loki’s blood was gone. Thor felt lost. “I must accept it if I can ever move on from here.”

      “Less Asgardian talk, more getting ready. I’m starving. Do they have shawarma in Asgard?” Tony waved for us to stand and I did so, steadying myself.

      “Do I look different? No…” I stared down at myself and inhaled sharply. Magic flitted down my arms to swirl about my fingertips. Red. _Me._ Orange. _Nerien._ Yellow. _The mind gem_. Its natural state. Not the terrifying blue. I needed to shed all others first. A sun would rise and set. “But, I feel…gods, I feel amazing.” Powerful. I turned to look out a window as night began to fall, realizing I was in Tony’s building still. My reflection stared back at me and my eyes flashed once. I touched my face and felt like living marble.

      “Asgard won’t take to this.” Thor spoke and I spun on my heel.

      “Asgard never took to me!” I caught myself when I saw their faces and stood taller. “Why should I spend my time trying to convince them otherwise? Of course, I must be what they require but they need me now more than I need them. And they'll know it. What I did here today… Asgard can never take from me. I was called a brave hero and I believed it. Asgard will like that or not but I will keep being me…whatever I am now. And they will come to their knees before it. The stone’s light is inside me and when they see that… Go. Eat without me. I’ll be back.”

      “Wait,” Thor tried before the others could stop me from running out onto a balcony.

      “We’ll get you take out!” Tony called, not bothered before I jumped, landing on another building. Testing my limits, I pushed my legs and jumped again. So powerful. I felt the gem floating with me as I leapt higher and ran faster than I ever could have. I laughed and smiled and jumped more, flying while wisps of magic trailed after me. The voices didn’t antagonize me. They held me. Loved me. And I found myself responding to that love. _Look at me, Mother. Look at me, Nerien. Look at me, Loki. I am all again._ The city was healing under the cover of night while its people cleaned up and I leapt to another building, crouching down to look over at the many lights. I held the promises I made close to my heart and swore to never waste them. More reports of the battle went on massive screens when I saw my scarred face blinking back at me from the gleaming surfaces.

      _“Who are you?”_ A women voiced and the hero on the screen exhaled.

      _“Psyche.”_ My powers will reach a peak after this, so as long as I embrace them completely. I stood and used magic when I leapt, sending me higher until I found my way back. I must have been at this for an hour or two by the time I returned to the tower. I wasn’t fixed. I was me. Totally and completely. For now. Landing gracefully, I let the wind billow into my hair before I stepped inside, around the many cracks Loki’s body left.

      “Feels good, doesn’t it? Almost too good,” a voice from the bar caught me.

      “Steve.” I observed. “Yes. Are the others up?”

      “Of course. All a few floors down. Thor told stories and then said if they could pick up Mjolnir, they could rule Asgard. Tony’s been trying for almost an hour.”

      “Thor always had a way of lifting spirits after such a harsh battle.” I stepped closer in the dim light. “Why are you up here?”

      “I wanted to tell you something. I assume you know how and why I am what I am.”

      “Indeed. I saw.”

      “It can be easy to lose yourself…let others use you. Turn you into something you’re not. A symbol. A weapon.” Steve watched me nod.

      “I don’t doubt that Asgard will try.” I looked away. “They already have before this. Loki's actions today will inspire many, war will come for Asgard. I will do what I must to stop it."

      “Can you read the future now or something?” Steve inquired.

      “No, but I can read clearly into a soul. That’s what he told me. The elf. Nerien.” I stated the name fondly. “Seer of souls. Messiah. Some of us have to carry the burdens others cannot. It eats away at you."

      “I think everyone on the team can understand that now.”

      “I agree.” I paused, smiling to myself. “Asgard never gave me fully what Earth gave me today. Not one little piece of it. Funny, it’s partially what Loki’s been after for so long. As much as it breaks my heart…fighting him. There is something worse inside me that I cannot force away. Not now.”

      “What’s that?”

      “I pity him. Just a bit.” I paused. “I wish that I did not.”

      “You beat him pretty good. Thought he was dead when I got there.” Steve stood and nodded for me to follow.

      “He was dead before I got to him.” I paused, entering an elevator. “I meant to give him life. But…not anymore. It’s his battle now as I had mine.” The doors closed and we went down. “You're a peculiar mortal. What’s your secret, Steve?” He looked at me and tapped a finger to his chest, just over his heart. Understanding, I smiled and thanked him softly before we joined the others. Tony was straining to pick up the hammer while everyone one else watched an entertainment screen. They obviously had tired of Tony’s attempts.

      “You look worse than I do.” I observed his sweating form, one of his suit’s gauntlets was on his hand as he tried to life the hammer.

      “Tell me the secret,” Tony stood. “What is it? Thumbprint scanner?”

      “You’re not worthy,” Thor called without looking and I nodded, realizing that he was dressed in mortal clothing.

      “You look sharp, Thor.” I crossed my arms. “If you’ll permit me, I’d like to wash up.”

      “Eat first, you need it,” Thor stood and beckoned me toward a kitchen area. “You must try this.” Tony took his spot in the couch and the others regarded me silently before returning to their conversation.

      “I’m now realizing I have the least experience with mortals.” I muttered and Thor chuckled.

      “We’ll assist you tomorrow. It will be a few days before we can go. I agreed to assist in some clean up along the tower and their debrief. They also want some answers out of us about the stones and Loki. We must keep the peace.” Thor heated up some food for me and I nodded.

      “Understood.” I paused. “May I see Loki at some point?”

      “They have him strapped to a cot in a cell downstairs.” Thor paused and I touched his hand. He was trying so hard to remove himself from Loki. “He will likely be interrogated but, I fear they’ll want you to get his secrets. Asgard will want that as well.”

      “Oh.” I sighed but Thor shook his head and gestured for me to sit at a counter

      “We must revel in a battle won for now.” He slid a plate and drink toward me, smoothing my hair down affectionately. “Eat. Watch some of this television with us.”

      “Television.” I repeated, nodding. I felt out of place in my armor in this large room. Unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Thor seemed almost excited to show me the wonders of Midgardian life. I could enjoy that much.

** ** **

      Tony gave us all rooms. Too large. I chuckled to myself, staring at the ceiling. There was something genuine behind his nonchalant way. I watched air blow in the window before I used magic to flick it shut. Feeling too many eyes on my body, I sat up and got out of the bed to splash water on my face. In nothing but my undershirt and undergarments, I made my way out and took the stairs to Thor’s room. The Tower was in partial disarray from both the battle and its unfinished state but, we were told it was the best and safest place for us now. Tony had been writing out new blueprints into the night. I didn’t imagine him or Clint getting any real rest after what they’d been through. We were shut off from those outside for now while Shield worked to handle this all.

      “Madam, do you require my assistance?” A pleasant voice beckoned after I got to the next floor, arms winding around myself.

      “No. Jarvis.” I remembered what Tony called it. “Thank you.” I used magic to unlock Thor’s door and saw him whip around while he sat in bed, facing the window.

      “Are you alright?” Thor sniffed and turned in the dim light. I closed the door and shifted toward his bed silently before clearing my throat.

      “I did not mean to bother you,” I paused, uncertain. I didn’t address the fact that he might have been shedding tears before I arrived. “Haven’t slept?”

      “No.” Thor swallowed, hands clasping before he turned to me.

      “Tell me to leave.” I asked then and Thor looked back at me, bright eyes blinking before he reached out.

      “No.” I didn’t take his hand but I rushed forward and slid under the covers of his bed, burrowing myself there. Outside, it began to rain lightly. “What will we do when we take Loki back?”

      “We can’t think of that now.” Thor’s voice was gentle and I peered up at his back.

      “Do I frighten you now?”

      “Of course not.” Thor replied truthfully before his tone changed to something distant that I would remember for the rest of my days. “You’ll frighten many others. They will cheer and bow and step away when you draw too close.” There was a beat.

      “Is that how you feel in Asgard most of the time?” I came up and Thor didn’t reply; his simple words were laced in an empty tone that shook me. My heart shuddered and sank low. “Would you like to help me fit in with mortals tomorrow?” I touched his back and felt him brighten just a little at my attempts. Briefly, I wondered if he wanted me to undress and present myself for sexual intercourse. Thor turned and I kissed his forehead to offer some comfort before I tugged him to lie down with me. Drawing close to his chest, I felt him relax and turn on the television. His soul blared into mine. “They draw entertainment from this?”

      “Yes, I suppose it depends on what you enjoy…” Thor let me hold him and touch him for some positive contact and rest against his bare chest. He understood my mental needs as Loki once did. Loki. He was alive in a sense and he drove me to the edge of something frightening today. I almost killed him. I thought about it. The voices in my head told me to hold him and bind him and hide him underwater so he can’t harm or be harmed any longer. He would be safer there. Such simple and terrifying things. I wondered if Loki was sleeping or sobbing or perfectly mute now. The stone sounded within me too like a child would tug on their mother’s dress to get her attention. I cradled it within me and closed my eyes, falling asleep steadily on Thor as he spoke about this television playing in the background.

      I didn’t dream this time.

** ** **

      “Put this on,” Thor tossed fabric over the screen I was half naked behind. “And this.”

      “Thor,” I chuckled. “You’re enjoying this far too much.” I slid a dark teal top over my torso. “We’re only here for a little while, you got me too much.”

      “Anthony gave me his card so we could get clothing when we all went out. He needed to pick up a few things for repairs.”

      “A few things? I saw a lot of large boxes and bags downstairs.” I muttered, sliding a rich purple coat on before I pulled up the Midgardian shoes. “How do I look?” I shrugged and Thor grinned.

      “We shall both fit right in. Although, you can’t have that dagger strapped to your hip.”

      “Very well,” I hid it better in my coat and brushed myself off before I went to sit. “When are we leaving for Shield?”

      “Hour or so.” Thor shifted down and put my foot on his knee. “You have to tie these better. Primitive build compared to Asgardian wares.” I let him tie my shoe up again before he fixed the other while I stared around the room.

      “Can you help me do something while everyone else prepares?” I wondered aloud and Thor lifted his head to gaze at me.

      “Anything.”

** ** **

      “Has he moved or tried to speak?” I found Bruce in a lab and looked through the plated glass to see Loki’s unmoving form. The cell was metal with a cot, chair, and long table. Loki was muzzled and chained down to the bed, staring up at the ceiling in the bright light.

      “Not like he can. But, no, he hasn’t tried.” Bruce glanced at me from a chart he was working on. “You look nice.”

      “Thank you. Thor insisted.” I shuffled my feet, cradling two bowls in my hands. "May I ask you something?"

      "Yes."

      "Do you remember anything that happens when the Hulk takes over?"

      "Nothing. Only hear what people tell me after."

      "I was falling and you caught me. We fought Loki together. Thank you, Bruce." I was genuine, eyes averting from his several times. Bruce Banner observed me for a beat. My awkward way of interaction. Empathy crossed his expression. I watched it fill up his soul with vibrant colors.

      "I'm glad, I..." Bruce drew quiet and nodded, head tilting down. "I'm glad. You seem relieved that Loki wasn't killed."

      "Yes, I suppose that I am. Still trying to wrap my head around it. I thought he was dead for a year and..." I blinked and watched Loki, sighing. "It was a harsh year." When I turned my gaze to Bruce, he rubbed the back of his head and looked away. “Can you let me in for a bit?”

      “Do you have written permission?” Bruce raised an amused eyebrow and I shook my head. “Kidding. Come on.”

      “I’m glad we fought beside each other. Do you think you made the right choice now?”

      “Do you?” He countered and I nodded. “Shield agents weren’t happy you took the stone before it could be studied.”

      “Some things should be left alone. I hope you and Mr. Stark will understand.” I replied before he unlocked the door. Bruce gazed from Loki to me and I couldn’t read his expression. “Thank you. I’ll be a moment.” I set my items on a table and Loki didn’t move to look at me. Mute and staring ahead of himself. “Loki?”

      No response. I pressed a button to prop up his cot and his hands clenched when I sat next to him. Bruce nodded to me and shut the door. Concentrating, I felt his soul stand just beyond the window. Curiosity.

      “I’m going to clean you up a little and feed you. Don’t fight me. Not now. You can later when we’re in Asgard. But, for now…just don’t.” I picked up a rag and touched it to his pale forehead. Cuts and bruises littered his face, one of his eyes was almost swollen shut. But, out of nowhere, green eyes darted to me and he didn’t blink. I cleaned up his hairline and face before shifting to his neck, using magic to soothe some of the wounds. “You look worse now than when you did just after you fell, from what I saw in your mind. And I mean that before the battle even started.” I washed his hands and moved broken armor pieces and clothing aside to clean up any exposed skin for now. He smelled horrid still, like singed flesh and metal. Staring at him, I unlocked the muzzle and pulled it from his lips; small trails of saliva slipped from it. The cool rag slipped over his mouth and I dabbed some ointment there to ease the red marks. He just stared holes into me. Or, he tried to. “You’ll have to blink eventually.” I began to ramble on. “That’s what the last year feels like suddenly. A blink of an eye. I'd like to poke my finger into the socket and pluck it out. I thought it would feel like this long drawn out thing but when I saw you…it felt almost as if you never tried to kill yourself and I never tried to kill myself…and none of this really happened. But, then I saw my face in the glass and the scars reminded me. They have a way with that…do they not?”

** ** **

      “She’s been trained well in healing,” Thor explained to the others outside after they caught wind of what she was doing in there. “She knows what to do.”

      “It is fine,” Bruce added. “She won’t let him out.”

      “Some things I’ll never understand,” Tony crossed his arms and turned.

      “After that reunion I saw with Lady Potts,” Thor chuckled. “I’m inclined not to believe you.”

      “She believe in him still?” Clint asked with a hard look before Tony could retort. “He talked about her a few times while I was under.”

      “Thor, is she going to be _...okay?”_ Natasha’s double meaning didn’t go unnoticed. “The stone…and now she’s not…”

      "Where on the spectrum is she?" Bruce wondered and Thor looked confused. "You know, mentally. I'm on it too so I get it." 

      “Things are different in Asgard. We do not have words for..." He felt a sudden wave of guilt crash into him. "I can’t read what goes on in her head. Mentally, she is quite ill. She and Loki were…extremely attached to each other and in that union, they both were able to put some ease to each other’s minds. We don’t…discuss it but I’ve known her a long time and I since being engaged…I’ve realized things that I should have noticed eons ago. But, she tries. She really does. I will not stop her. I merely hold her hand when I can. When she allows it. It is how I’m able to love her.”

      “Might be time to acknowledge a few things. Or show her that you do.” Bruce shrugged. “We can arrange for her to talk to someone while you’re here…if that interests you. I don’t know how they do it in Asgard.”

      “Maybe you should do it.” Natasha shrugged and Tony cut in.

      “I think that is a-”

      “I’m not that kind of doctor.” Bruce removed his glasses.

      “She seems to trust you well enough. Better qualified than us.” Steve shrugged. “I’ve seen what happens when…something like this goes wrong. Not that I think she’s a bad person or would...you know.” He added quickly when Thor turned his head. “The Tesseract brought a lot of ugly into the world. We need to ensure the she and the stone are really…safe together.”

      “Might as well, you’re stuck here a bit longer,” Tony shrugged, patting Bruce’s back. “Reap the benefits of mortal life. We have a lot of junk to sort through.”

      “She won’t submit to testing.” Thor replied evenly. “I know her well enough to know that much.”

      “We’re not going to poke needles into her. Though, I’m sure Shield would just love that.” Tony shrugged. “Just let Bruce take her out and get a little honest feedback. I’ll pay.”

      “Wait, I-”

      “It’s settled then,” Thor smacked Bruce on the back, leaving him no choice.

      “…Right.”

** ** **

      “Open,” I lifted a spoon full of soup to Loki’s mouth and he hesitated but parted his lips. I wondered when he last had a hot meal or felt the kindness of another. My pity for Loki faded as he looked at me carefully, only opening his lips for another bite. I made him drink and fed him the entire bowl while it was warm.

      “You brave monster…” Came his cracked whisper as I set the bowl aside. Slowly, I turned to stare at his eyes again; my hand laid against his chest. The heart under it quivered. For a moment, I thought it would burst forth toward my touch. “Poor creature. Clever girl.”

      “I was all of those things long before this.” I paused. “And I had you.”

      “The stone…as much as it aches to keep you alive, it could eventually kill you.” Loki’s eyes slid down my face. “Perhaps that is what you want.”

      “Yes, it might…and now those I sense watching know. My sight is already wider. The possibilities are more so exciting.” I turned sharply to see the two-way mirror; knowing my friends stood behind it. Loki's eyes found mine when I peered back. “No, that isn’t what I want. But, if it comes to that…and I can keep the stone from consuming everything else. I can accept it. Will my death sustain you after what I have done?”

      “Will mine?” Loki’s lips trembled and I leaned over to kiss his brow. He inhaled the scent of my hair, felt it brush his cheeks. My face was tender briefly and then terrifying while I looked into his green eyes. I allowed mine turn black and he leaned further into his pillow when the blue engulfed my irises. The mind gem was still hanging by a thread to its old master. I would strip it down.

      “Payment in full.”

      Loki didn’t fight me when I slipped the muzzle back on.

** ** **

      “Limo’s here.” Tony beckoned our group to the front door and Thor’s hand pressed against my back. “Be prepared for the circus.” I was only half listening as Thor led me outside; instantly I put my hand up and drew closer to him. Flashes sparked against my face while mortals gathered to greet us, waving and shouting. Thor put his hand up pleasantly and nodded, trying to contain himself somewhat. Agents separated the crowds so we could go through.

      “Tony Stark! We love you!” Many called and a group of school children gave Natasha and Clint some yellow flowers. Steve pressed his hands into his pockets and smiled for the people while Bruce turned his head down. A few names where signed from them all as we went on.

      “Thor! Marry me!” Men and women called and Thor grinned next to me. Tony signed his name a few times and I tilted my head.

      “Mortals enjoy a token autograph,” Thor muttered and I nodded to him. I felt a tug on my coat and turned to see a young, chubby girl holding a notebook toward me. She smiled with a burn scar along her left cheek and I smiled in return, pausing to bend down so I could sign my fake name. Her mother thanked me and told me I was her daughter’s beautiful hero and I inspired her. I shook her little hand and told her she inspired me as well. Thor beckoned for me to join them and I signed my name a few more times in swirling fonts. _Psyche._ Perhaps, I could be something else in this world. Natasha laughed when I climbed past her and Clint to sit by the window so I could take in the city. We drove by buildings with bright message boards and I pressed to the window. Many were in deep states of rebuilding and recuperation as the streets were cleaned up. Still, I was in complete awe of this world and its people.

      “What’s that?” I asked aloud, taping my finger against the glass.

      “They don’t have fast food in Asgard?” Clint raised an almost amused brow.

      “The food is fast until an arrow takes it down,” I replied pointedly, earning a round of laughter so I turned. “What?”

      “Culture shock might be too much for her,” Tony muttered, nudging Steve who agreed.

      "I know the feeling."

      “Let her enjoy her time before Shield rips into us.” Natasha shrugged and I pointed out another window.

      “What’s that?” I crawled to the opposite side and Thor got me to sit.

      “Slow down for now,” he chuckled and I clasped my hands in my lap, nodding.

      “Surely, you must remember how exciting and new many things here were.” I countered.

      “My first memories of Midgard are being hit by a car twice and shocked into submission by a tiny woman with a puny weapon.” Thor muttered in response and I smirked lightly. It didn’t surprise me that no one brought up the stone. Perhaps, that was a conversation for another time. I felt alive almost with it dwelling inside me. Like I could make anything happen. I spaced out from the conversation and stared at the window until we reached the water where the Helicarrier sat. We filed inside and were processed before being split up into different rooms. I didn’t enjoy the waiting.

      Leaning against the metal table, I fiddled with the end of my coat sleeve and tapped the toes of my shoe on the floor. I felt untouchable. A long time passed before it was my turn. Two agents came in with files and got down to business immediately.

      “Last but not least,” one readied to write. “The surprise.”

      “My mother said the same thing about my birth,” I mumbled. “Same tone as well.”

      “If you’ll permit us to ask a few questions, Asgardian.”

      “Yes.” I clasped my fingers together.

      “Just for the record, how did you come to be involved?”

      “I watched Thor from Asgard but realized that I couldn’t sit back. With the use of dark magic, Queen Frigga sent me.” I replied in an even tone.

      “What were your intentions?”

      “To ensure the safety of Thor, protect this realm, bring Loki home, as well as the stones.” I paused. “Becoming part of the team was a surprise to me.”

      “Thor is your…?”

      “My sweet fiancé of course. At the present.” My eyes slid to the two-way mirror behind them.

      “How can we ensure you’re not a hostile threat? Asgardians are marked with extraordinary abilities and you are, by our observation, unique.”

      “Unique. That is a kinder word. Asgardians are pledged from birth to secure the safety of these nine realms. You can’t, however, ensure such things,” I paused. “But, I’m certain you saw the footage of me. It speaks for itself.”

      “Your relationship with the enemy know as Loki-”

      “I am not open to speaking about him further.” I cut in.

      “Madam, there are still pieces missing. We want to know who he was working for.”

      “Whoever made dealings with Loki…let’s just say they hide well. I haven’t gone deep enough to see them. They will show me their face at the right time. This was only the beginning, we all know this and our next steps are crucial.” My fingers shifted to tap the table and they eyed me.

      “We thought the stone made you stronger. You really didn’t see them?”

      “You won’t manipulate me like this…if that is your play,” My eyes narrowed and they sat back, exchanging looks. “I could get the name and much more, I’m sure. But, all you need to know is that he’s likely of titan race and once the Tesseract and I are gone, the target is far from your world. In consuming the stone, I pledged to be its keeper…sparing anyone else and stopping more terrible events from happening. Everything has changed.”

      “What terrible events are you referring to?” Their words made me smile.

      “Well…now, you don’t have to find out.” I shook my head, head clearing while I sighed. “I’d like to go now.”

      “We’re not done.”

      “Using the stone further here will draw more enemies to it until I can build up some sort of protection from that. It is out of your hands so I suggest you take them from the wheel.” I stared holes into them, eyes flashing blue briefly. “I think we _are_ done.”

** ** **

      “Almost cute how intimidating they try to be. Save the world. Whatever. There’s just no pleasing some people.” Tony was the first to speak when we got outside.

      “They’re grateful,” Natasha replied idly. “Just have to deal with formalities and the damn counsel. We know you adore them. Fury has it handled.” I crossed my arms and leaned away. The conversation went on but she kicked my shoe after a moment.

      “Hm?” I came back to attention, earning many stares.

      “We were asking if you were hungry.” Thor repeated himself and I smiled.

      “Oh. Yes. Famished.” I paused and cast my eyes away, distracted.

      “What’s up?” Natasha asked after another moment.

      “If you all were wondering. I’m not hiding the identity of Loki’s master. Nor, is the stone going to consume me in a damned fortnight. These things take time.”

      “I’d prefer it didn’t consume you at all.” Thor leaned over on his hands and I turned my head away.

      “I know you’re all jilted I didn’t discuss the stone before taking it. I wish I could show you what I saw and what events led me to make this choice.” I tugged on my hair idly and glanced up. “Loki’s master will come to me when the time is right. It was the last thing I heard before every other connection to the stone broke.”

      “Why?” Natasha was the first to speak.

      “He will ask me for my hand and smile…” I stared into space and exhaled. “And I will refuse.”

      “How can you be sure?” Clint tilted his head and I smirked lightly, glancing at Steve before I tapped a finger to my chest.

      "I just know."

      “You still should not have taken the stone,” Thor shook his head. “You are my friend and I cannot risk you.”

      “Sometimes there isn’t an easy option.” I looked at him. “You know that well. Do you think Jane Foster is watching you on the television and wondering why you have not contacted her? Do you think Asgard will allow you to be this warrior protector when you are King?”

      “We talked about this.” Thor grew agitated. “The power you wield…you can control others if you wish. I know you can and so do you.”

      “Do I make you so uneasy, my prince?” I snapped.

      “That is not why I am-”

      “Respect my choice and let me do this. You cannot change what has happened. We came together to fix things. You and I. No matter the cost because we know the truth of this life...and we are fixing them. The cost is great. Asgard won't have it any other way. The war has begun, we cannot stop it.” My gaze turned to ice.

      “Hey,” Steve cut in to diffuse the tension, “you both won’t get anywhere if you act like that. We learned that lesson before the battle. Contrary to popular belief, you’re not on your own either.”

      “Grandpa’s right,” Tony added. “They want to sell action figures of us.”

      “Not helping,” Steve tilted his head and Tony huffed.

      “Look,” Tony gestured outside. “Those people out there are still able to go on with life because of us. Can’t say we did a bad job. The stone is now your terrible privilege. We all have one. Thor, you got to let her spread her wings…in a manner of speaking…”

      “The trauma of this event will affect us for a while.” I exhaled. “It truly was an honor fight alongside you all regardless. This city can heal now.”

      “Speaking of the city,” Tony nudged Bruce’s side. “I’m keeping Thor for hard labor tomorrow on the tower. Bruce kindly offered to show you the endless joys of mortal life in his place.”

      “After I finish up in the lab.” Bruce commented softly, eyes flickering to me. Thor gave my back a pat and I nodded slightly.

      “All right. I would like that… You’re all fine with it? You don’t need me tomorrow?”

      “Fresh air in new surroundings could be good.” Thor smiled and I saw everyone nod. “We’ll get your help in the evening.”

      “And Loki…?” I hesitated.

      “Being watched round the clock.” Natasha added and I shifted myself. “He’s locked up and you’re not. Don’t forget that.” Her words lifted something inside me.

      “Of course.”

** ** **

      “He hasn’t done anything.” Bruce warned the next day, noticing how I shifted toward Loki’s cell. Two agents stared elsewhere when I peeked through the mirror. Loki was unmoving and disinterested, sitting up against his cot. Smoothing my hands together, I turned and eyed a picture on his desk.

      “I’m glad Tony has made you comfortable in here.” I picked up the photo. “Is this Betty?”

      “Yes…I…” Bruce paused. “How did you know that?”

      “I saw her in your head…or the Hulk’s head. If you’re still separating the two. Do you love her?”

      “Yes.” Bruce’s eyes barely met mine, lips twitching.

      “And she loves you? I’m sure.” I set it aside and looked up, scoffing. “Did…Did Tony mount Loki’s bent helmet up there?”

      “Oh…” Bruce turned and nodded. “Yeah, he did.”

      “Sentimental, is he not?” I chuckled. Pacing, I wandered around and glanced up at a painting of the Iron Man.

      “Fans send him most of those. I guess he ran out of room at home.”

      “You both would enjoy Asgardian technology. I think I’d like most though…to see Natasha best some of our warriors in a spar. She and Sif would likely get along very well.” I glanced over a chart on Loki. Most of it was notes of what he’s done in the cell. By this count, it wasn’t much. He hadn’t even attempted to squirm out of his restraints. It was near unsettling.

      “Tony would never leave.” Bruce paused, removing his lab coat before he glanced up and shrugged, both awkward and nonchalant somehow. “Do you enjoy Asgard?”

      “Asgard has always been my home. Though, I cannot say I know much outside it. It’s more difficult when people realize you were engaged to the man who betrayed our land and its people…” I tilted my head. “It was difficult even before Loki betrayed it. I was lower class. Not like the other ladies. Warriors and not. My looks make me stand out in certain noble crowds. My…family attempted to press me on Thor to make me Queen, which wasn’t a new thing…many others tried. People found out. It didn’t go over well. The Queen took me under her wing in healing arts but, still my relationship with Loki turned heads for a few reasons.”

      “Your family?” Bruce gestured for me to follow him out. “If I’m not prying…”

      “My…mother, I have not seen her in person in years. We send letters when we can. I’ve kept much from her.” I opened up. Bruce was soft spoken and easy to talk to. “Growing up, I pretended to be what she wanted all the time because it pleased her.”

      “Being good is…important to you?”

      “Yes, of course.” I blinked and watched him press an elevator button. “I wanted to make her proud. Prove myself to others. I thought it would make them...love me more. Nonetheless, I still felt like I was in the wrong for feeling what I did. Sadness and anger were not allowed…they made you ungrateful. Gods must be perfect and serve the realms. When I got older…I realized I didn’t know who I was.”

      “Do you have a father?” Bruce paused instantly when my gaze snapped to him. “Ah…my family life is complicated as well. My father, he uh, contributed a lot to the other guy. Mutated my genes and made the Hulk possible in the future. He…wasn’t a good person.” We walked out into the street and Bruce waved toward the vehicles.

      “What are you doing?”

      “Tony offered us his limo but I figured a taxi was more discreet.”

      “Noisy streets aren’t too much for you?”

      “I’ve handled worse,” Bruce shrugged, smirking to himself before he brushed my arm. “Here, wave your hand out and beckon…you see, that yellow car?”

      “Yes.” I did as he said and a few ignored me but one swung over. Proud, I smiled at him when he nodded before we got in. Bruce gave the driver an address before turning to me after a few minutes. “The city looks better already. I suppose it’ll take time.”

      “Would you say you don’t enjoy crowds like that?” Bruce pointed to the bustling streets and I shook my head.

      “I’ve entered battle with untold numbers,” I laughed lightly, sitting back. “I will say that they…make me anxious on occasion. Usually, I just try to stick closely to one of my friends.”

      “I see.” Bruce cleared his throat. “Do…Do you find yourself disassociating often?”

      “Huh? Oh,” I exhaled. “I suppose. I spent a lot of time in my own head growing up and that stuck with me. I think it helps…sometimes.”

      “So, you have trouble processing things?” He wondered.

      “Processing?” I repeated.

      “The world, uh, does it ever feel like you have trouble functioning because too much is happening… You’re taking in a lot? Hard to focus?”

      “Why does the subject of me interest you so?” My fingers curled together and Bruce adjusted his glasses nervously.

      “It isn’t that…sorry, I, erm,” Bruce fixed his collar and shook his head. “I just figured-”

      “Forgive me, I don’t mean to sound so defensive.” I settled my eyes on my lap. “Old habits. Yes, I find the world…overstimulating at times. In Asgard, I dealt with occasional attacks of panic and anxiety. Loki usually helped me through them…he was the first to…to… Never mind. Well, it’s obvious from my face and wrists that I struggled with self-mutilation. No use in hiding that. I used to…I used to hide it so well and I stopped for a long time. After Loki fell, King Odin took away my status as a warrior and…I tried to end my life. Being a warrior was important to me. More than anything else.”

      “That must have been rough,” Bruce furrowed his brow before he called to the driver. “Here is fine.” After paying, we got out to walk through the cold streets; mortals busied by and paid us no mind. I stuck close to Bruce and stared up at my surroundings in wonder. “You won’t blend in well if you look starry-eyed the entire time.”

      “Can’t help it,” I grinned, shoving my hands in my pockets while I stared ahead of myself.

      “Better.” He shrugged and I beamed at him. I gazed at the mortal clothing displayed in shop windows.

      “I’d like to hear more about-” A loud horn blared before Bruce’s arms coiled around my waist to tug me back up on the sidewalk, away from the busy roads.

      “Whoa…you okay?”

      “Yes…sorry, I was not…” I shook my daze and Bruce tilted his head.

      “Do…Do you go into your own head so often…you put yourself in danger?”

      “Yes…so much goes on. Usually Alistair stops me.”

      “Alistair?” He questioned, touching my arm this time as we continued on.

      “After my warrior status was revoked. Odin thought it wise to give me a guard to protect me. The people of Asgard can be…hostile. I can protect myself. But, I’ve realized that Alistair is attuned well to me mentally.” I rubbed my head idly. “Meaning he pays close attention to things when I’m not. He trailed me everywhere so I suppose I’m not used to…not having him around suddenly. Bruce…why are we out here?”

      “I don’t know what you mean?” He adjusted his coat and I slowed.

      “Since the battle…a lot of focus has been put on me. I know I wasn’t part of the original plan. Do you all think I will let the stone control me? Trying to gauge where I am?”

      “No,” he shook his head. “We, um… It isn’t that we don’t trust you.”

      “The stone frightened me too but…but now, it’s shown me potential I didn’t know I had.” I smiled and Bruce furrowed his brow.

      “I don’t think that’s the stone. You said you felt like a hero before…before it.” Bruce cleared his throat as we walked along. “The power…it’ll feel good but-”

      “Why have you taken me here?” I changed the subject again and gazed at his face. Bruce exhaled and nodded before he shrugged.

      “Thor. He said you liked art.”

** ** **

      “This way,” Bruce beckoned but I couldn’t contain myself. “Come on.”

      “I don’t know where to start,” I tugged Bruce along with me toward a wall of paintings. Fleshy women in twisted embraces with little angels or men. A few flocked by animals. They were beautiful. “Look!” I found a tall sculpture of a lady warrior with dark skin, adored with painted jewels. “She’s beautiful. Those garments on the wall from…” I read the label. “Africa. So regal.”

      “They have a huge collection, slow down,” Bruce cracked a real smile. “I figured you’d find a lot to enjoy.”

      “This room reminds me slightly of Asgard.” I pulled him past a few mortals. It wasn't busy at this hour. “Egypt.”

      “Really?”

      “Might be the gold.” I looked at busts of rulers and wandered off; forgetting that Bruce was behind me. An withered idol of a once regal leader caught my attention. There wasn't a name on the plaque. He had two red jewels for eyes and marks along his bald head. They carved an angled path down to the corners of his lips. Steady in breath, I continued on from it.

      Enthralled, I surveyed some antique musical instruments in another room and stumbled on a staircase that moved upward. Much art of a woman with a halo cradling a heavenly child caught my eye. It appeared some mortals worshiped her as I saw her everywhere. I wondered who she was and why she appeared so melancholy in most of the paintings. My hands clasped behind my back as I spent a few quiet moments in front of pieces that pulled my attention. Landscapes and scenes of war decorated another room. A large sculpture reeled me in and I smiled when I read the label. Mortals passed behind me so I slipped onto a bench to gaze at it. I could have been there for ages but someone took a seat next to me and didn’t speak for a moment.

      “I figured you’d be here. Had to get directions to find it.” Bruce tilted his head at me and I stared at the art. A man and woman in a loving embrace. She was partially on her front and leaning back to hold him while their lips inched together. Feather wings sprung from his back as he cradled her delicately in his hands when her head tilted back to see him. “Cupid and Psyche. Tony’s little jab at you and Loki.”

      “You asked me about my father earlier.” I didn’t look at him. “I’ve never known my true father. Years ago, I discovered the father I grew up with was really my stepfather when he passed away. But, I suffered a lot of physical and emotional abuse from him growing up. It affected me on a…deep level. Pieces from my brain were…missing.”

      “Repressed memories?” Bruce asked quietly and I nodded.

      “But, I remember now. It took a long time. He, uh,” I swallowed and went on, “used to crawl into my bed. I was so young. I didn’t understand. Sometimes, I still wake feeling him against my leg and…you just can’t breathe sometimes.” My eyes slid to Bruce finally and he touched my arm in a gesture of sincerity.

      “I’m sorry that happened to you.” He pressed his lips together and nodded. “My father was abusive too and he…he murdered my mother. I was just a kid.”

      “I am so sorry that happened to you too, Bruce.” My lips tilted up for him and he nodded. We stared ahead at the sculpture and I exhaled lightly. “Are they happy?”

      “One of the few stories from those myths that ended well. Psyche went through a lot of harsh trials to be with Cupid after his true form was revealed to her. He helps her along the way. He’s reviving her with a kiss of life here. To some, the story is about how love and the soul come together.” Bruce paused before he asked me. “Do they look happy to you?”

      “Yes.” My head shifted to the side. “Often times kisses aren’t enough and love…is no excuse. But, still, worth fighting for. Does Cupid go through trials as well?”

      “I’ll find you the myth to read sometime.” He replied instead.

      “I would like that.” My hands smoothed over my knees. “I do hope you see Betty again.”

      “Thank you.” Bruce shrugged. “I hope Cupid goes through his trials.”

      “He might.” I stood when Bruce beckoned for me to follow.

      “Come on, we can grab food for the others on our way home.”

      “Home?” I fell into stride next to him. “Is that what Stark Tower is?”

      “Can be. I know Tony has plans to make it the Avengers Tower now. Don’t mention it though, he’s trying to play it cool.”

      “Mortals are complicated as well, I see.”

      “You’re getting the idea.”

** ** **

      “Mushrooms?” Bruce asked into his phone. I’d seen many others using one. “Oh, no mushrooms? Guys, I can’t…what? Thor, they don’t have...I can't even pronounce the name of that animal. We don't have them here. No, I won’t ask. Tony, I’m not going to another place. Just agree on something, guys. Pepperoni? Okay, that was a dumb idea.” He huffed and set the device away.

      “Did they pick out something?” I tilted my head.

      “They were arguing over toppings on speakerphone and I hung up. They won’t notice for a few minutes so they’ll get what we give them and like it.”

      “Tony is paying…” I smirked, laughing lightly and he shrugged. Bruce leaned over the counter and ordered at last.

      “Can we just get seven pizzas?”

      “Get a few more…Thor likes to eat.”

      “Right, can we get ten?” He added different toppings to each and finally scoffed, removing his glasses before he tipped the working mortal well. “They don’t have pizza in Asgard?”

      “No,” I blinked at pictures of the food while we waited off to the side.

      “I’m sure you’ll like at least one of the ten I just ordered, then.” We looked at each other and laughter sounded for a moment.

      I think I might have loved Midgard as Thor did. Imperfect still but also good. And new.

      “Sounds fair.”

** ** **

      I offered to carry the many boxes upstairs when we arrived back as it grew darker outside. Thor scooped three or four up without asking and began to eat on the table. His hair was tied back, body barely breaking a sweat from all the work I imagined Tony made him do. I set the rest on the counter when everyone else came up the stairs.

      “Did Thor tell you the news?” Natasha asked, picking through boxes to find something she liked. “You three get to leave tomorrow evening. Shield has a location.”

      “Oh?” My hands clasped and I tried not to appear crestfallen. Natasha, however, was an observant mortal. “So soon?”    

      “Warming up to Earth?” She inquired and I nodded.

      “Bruce took me to the museum today. It was…remarkable.”

      “You’ll be back,” her hand touched my shoulder as she passed with a plate. “We’ll shop or spar sometime. I'm not sure what Asgardians are into.”

      “I would like that.” I smiled. In truth, I wanted to be selfish and ask to stay one more day with Thor. Explore the libraries and shopping centers I heard about. Read all the books I could get my hands on. But, I had a mission to complete.

      “It’s a date.” Natasha slid a plate toward me while the men began to scoop up different pieces behind me. “Let’s steal the TV before they can.”

      “Save me a seat,” I paused. “I have to do something downstairs first.”

      “He’s refusing food,” she muttered. “If that’s where you’re going.”

      “I’ll just be a moment, then.” I passed Tony in his conversation with Steve and Clint over the dinner before I rushed downstairs to greet the agents on Loki’s cell. They allowed me in without words and I trailed toward him in the dark room. With his eyes closed, Loki didn’t move as I drew closer and stood at the head of his cot. I leaned over to remove the muzzle and he jerked. “It’s just me.” I watched him blink before I leaned down and lightly pressed my lips to his, upside down. He felt like a corpse and, if I’m being honest, smelled and tasted like one. He kissed back. But, briefly. When I leaned out, I let my eyes trail his face. He was still beaten down and I was still…whatever I was now. “It didn’t work…”

      “Are you planning to kill me now?” Loki watched me sit next to him. “Or when we get back to Asgard?”

      “I won’t be killing you at all,” I peered at him. “Loki, have I ever held a plan? I merely go with what life offers me.”

      “Here I am, offered to you on a silver platter.”

      “I guess we both will have to wait regardless.” I moved to slip the muzzle back on but, he spoke.

      “So, you do have plans for me.” His lips came together when I pressed the device to them.

      “Your mother misses so very much.” I offered instead, standing to leave him there. “Odin did as well. He won’t admit to it. But, once, not long before we found you on Earth; I snuck into the throne room and discovered him alone. Seated on that damn golden chair, with your old helm in his hands. It was small, it must have been your first. He was just looking at it. Wishing, I imagine. I made lots of wishes too. Perhaps, I can make one real after this.”

      Loki would wait until I left to weep.

** ** **

      In the time she was gone, Thor couldn’t help bring up the subject to Bruce.

      “Look, I’m not a psychiatrist. I spent one day talking to her. I don’t have all the facts.”

      “Is she going to be all right with the stone?” Clint pressed.

      “She’ll have her friends in Asgard watching. Likely will not be hiding this or her powers once we arrive back,” Thor muttered, unable to fathom how he didn’t know.

      “She is strong mentally but she’s constantly working on it. It’s rough. I know it's rough. She was asked to save the world so she did just that. All right? I can’t give you a complete answer.” Bruce fell into a chair, leaning back. “The depression is obvious. Anxiety. PTSD. But, I’m not sure if I can connect her to some form of autism or a general personality disorder. It was one day. We’re all going to be suffering after this. How many of you have had a full night of rest?” When no one replied Bruce nodded. “You see.”

      “She’s smart,” Natasha spoke. “She’ll deal with Loki, I imagine. I’d pay to see that.”

      “Agreed,” Clint added, smirking.

      “I have to find a way to take the stone from her and destroy it before it can kill her.” Thor leaned forward.

      “She likely knows that’s your play.” Natasha replied.

      “Let her have her fun,” Tony cut in. “Get it out of her system.”

      “What do you mean?” Thor watched Tony pick up a remote and bring up the footage of her beating Loki into the ground. The camera shook on the wall and the audio was crackling.

      “I mean, that this…is just the appetizer for her. Whatever happens in Asgard is the main course.”

      _“…Tell me you can’t ever be without me!”_

** ** **

      Sun spilled down upon us all when we walked toward the departing location. Thor held Loki’s chains and led him along as I stared down at my armor. I bid goodbyes to my teammates and friends, hands were clasped in sincere gestures of respect before we shared a few laughs and got into place. I would miss this world and its people. I would miss being a part of the Avengers. Perhaps, we would come together once more. I didn’t doubt that. One day.

      Thor, in no mood, offered the end of the Tesseract’s tube handle to Loki. He stared at Thor and took it without anything else. I held Thor’s other hand after he slung Mjolnir at his side. Smiling once more, I felt the light engulf me fully as we were pulled away from the ground completely. The Avengers would part for now. The stone chilled within my flesh. The Tesseract burned when it made contact and I heard a single name. My lips opened to repeat the name but I couldn't hear myself. A hand wrapped around my throat to squeeze.

      Falling in itself was, without a doubt, one of the few true horrors of this world. But, being pulled away was something I would put next to it. I remember the light and then darkness as arms coiled around me, many hands latching to my skin, pulling me from Thor’s grasp. Like I was frozen upon the path. Fingers slipped, I tried to scream but my body floated in nothingness before dim lights pulled me to focus. Meteor rocks and debris swayed past. The world went still as if time itself froze.

      _“Do you know who I am?”_ A voice from nightmares rumbled when I recognized the tattered wasteland that the Chitauri once called home. It materialized like a vision while I floated aimless between two realms. My mind pulled far asunder. Space surrounded me. I hovered above the ground, limbs stretched out and held in place by invisible forces. A man. No, not a man. A titan looked at me with glowing azure eyes before he sat on a jagged throne. “Speak.”

      “Yes.” I could barely hear myself.

      “Do you know why I have come?”

      “Death comes…and you follow.” I strained to gain control of my body as he shifted forward, coming off his throne. The light hit his face and my eyes went wide. “Loki failed you.”

      “I knew he would. Fool. Believing I would allow him the stones and Earth. But, you,” he inhaled sharply and I shuddered. “You are a little wonder. Are you not?”

      “Let me go.”

      “You will fade from my sight so we do not have much time. I can only hold you here for so long.” The titan raised his hand toward my chest. “You have something that is mine. You belong to me. I can take what I want, you see this. You know it. There are forces inside you that only I know how to wield. You do not know what you possess. This is beyond the mind gem, girl. You wish to know what drew it first? Foolish. You are so close.”

      “I belong to me.” Pain engulfed my chest and I screamed, the mind stone shifted through my heart like something was tugging on it. I could hear it tear and crackle.

      “One chance.” His hand opened toward me. “You think you will walk away untried?” The strings on my heart were pulled painfully and I screamed again; eyes shutting. “We could be perfect.”

      “Yes.” I did not deny it. I could join him. Rule. Destroy. Live.

      “You do not understand the power you wield, Asgardian. You think the mind stone is the end? There is so much more you've not seen.”

      “I absolutely do.” I countered. “I merely choose not to wield it. Not like you. The stone dwells within me…where not even you can touch it.”

      “I only have you here in mind. Perhaps, one day in body.” He continued to reach for me like he was asking me to dance.

      “Not today.” I breathed. “Not ever. Monster.”

      “You dare refuse me?” His fingers curled and I thought he might crush me.

      “While…I hold the stone,” I fought agony seeping into my bone marrow, “I’ll ensure you don’t.”

      “Perhaps, when the fates align once more. I’ll come for you. Bend you. Break you. Make you mine. For I am Thanos. You think you know chaos?” His words made me chuckle, breathless.

      “I’ve been courting chaos for years as you have courted death. You won’t be able to touch me after this.”

      “Just as well,” his smirk was terrifying. “A parting gift for you.” His large finger touched to my head and I shrieked. I could see Loki. The exposure to this titan beast and how it crumbled the last of him to little pieces. He hoped so to rule. Thanos knew this well. Their dealings had ended. “You might want to hold your breath.”

      Forces pulled me away, into the cold before I hit the hard ground. My eyes blinked, taking in the sky of Asgard before I sat up. I was on the balcony of Loki’s room. No, my room. I stood and stared over at the peaceful scene. My home. Perhaps. People bustling toward the palace to greet Thor no doubt. Inhaling, even the air felt fresher to me before the ferocity of this all filled me. Asgard. My powers. The stone. I could be something new. Something great. The glass doors bashed open before I entered the room that still looked like Loki. My hands curled before magic sent everything flying around at once. Gone were the silken green tones. I boxed Loki up and locked him away in the closet. Rich reds bled into the room, unlike Thor’s daring, bright tones. Lush purple came next; dark and rejuvenated. My clothing came after. Everything practical and comfortable tore apart and formed anew in rich colors. Bold shapes fashioned themselves; I would transform myself. My armor shed to the floor before a new outfit replaced it; the fashionable clothing now all going back into my closet twisted into something intense and menacing. Asymmetrical and yet, balanced with gleaming metal. I stepped forward and turned my head to a small body at my bathroom door.

      “Here, kitty…” I coaxed in a low tone. Naaki blinked at me and hissed. I didn’t allow distress to latch to my heart and my fingers outstretched. She sniffed me twice before coming forward to rub against my outstretched palm. “There…I’m still me. Partially.” My doors opened and I stood to be greeted with a gasp.

      “We found her,” Frigga called, staring at me with wide eyes as she looked around. Alistair appeared behind her and also froze. My gaze flickered up as I tossed my gloves into the fire and let myself become something bold and relentless.

      “Have you missed me?”

** ** **

      “I don’t know what happened,” Thor paced the throne room. The large crowd grew restless. “She was there and then ripped away, just like-”

      “You didn’t try to catch her!” Fandral shot back, Sif and the Warriors Three behind him.

      “Enough of this,” Odin cut in, standing. The people of Asgard spoke heatedly in front of them all. A few tried tossing stones at Loki, who remained chained and yanked off to the side by guards before the Tesseract was taken away.

      “I must go and find her!” Thor insisted. Frigga rushed in and touched her eldest son.

      “She’s back, not long after you. In her room. Thor, you must understand-”

      “I need to go to her.” Thor turned but she tugged at his broad arm. “Mother…she is different.”

      “She cannot be that different,” Fandral piped up, softening.

      “Loki…my son,” Frigga approached to touch his face but he struggled to rip away; guards yanked him further.

      “Frigga, back away from the prisoner,” Odin’s voice was hard. “We must handle this first. Settle down, all of you!” The crowds didn’t let up until the doors swung open, banging against the walls. _Silence._ Fandral stepped forward but Sif grabbed his arm when they realized it.

      _“By the gods…”_

** ** **

      I’ll always remember the way my red lips tugged into a smirk and the obscene silence that followed. Hips swayed while I stared up at my friends and the King, crossing the room. Without remorse or fear or…anything. Perhaps, light amusement. The crowds parted slowly for me in sync and I felt the stone with every step; treading with grace I didn’t know I had. The voices in my head followed, hushed and ready to strike. My body sang. Rich bloody curls were larger and bounced in perfect precision as I exhaled, stopping just in front of the stairs. I didn’t kneel, merely putting my fist to my heart. Odin and his advisers could see it and I knew in my soul that the people could as well.

      “Forgive me, for being late, my King. Slight interruption.” I turned my head and felt awe when people backed off us all at my stare.

      _Look at them._

_Look at me._

      “I thought I lost you. What happened?” Thor was the first to draw closer to me.

      “I already told you what would happen. On Earth.” I replied with a crisp lightness in my tone. “Your majesty, we have completed your task. Loki and the stones are returned.”

      “I know not,” Odin descended, “if you have come out as something good or evil.”

      “It matters not what I am,” I replied evenly. “Only what I do.”

      “Take the prisoner away for processing.” Odin ordered and Loki was yanked backwards; the king’s voice grew with power. “Today, a trial will be held to decide the fate of one, Loki Laufeyson.” Murmurs sparked and snuffed out.

      “Your majesty, surely we cannot allow her to…” An adviser trailed off when I stepped up one stair. I could be flogged for such a thing.

      “My body and soul…have always come together to protect Asgard. The stone is mine. There is no power severe enough to yank it from me.” I breathed slowly and no one spoke. “My King, there is nothing strong enough to lock me away, kill me, or be rid of me. I am here. I will serve Asgard and these nine realms as promised. There can be no other end.” Odin looked into my eyes and we connected all at once.

      “My King,” another adviser began, “she could be the greatest weapon Asgard has ever seen.”

      “Stand down!” Odin took offense to that with Thor in the room.

      “I am not a thing.” I bared my teeth, fingers contorting.

      “Odin,” Frigga eased, “this was fate. We both know that.”

      “I have more terms, your majesty.” I cut in politely and, without being bid, came to the first step where I knew I belonged. Above Thor, Loki, the advisers, and all else. Odin regarded me, standing tall while his advisers were agast. “Nothing too grand.” Finally, I had more to barter.

      “We’ve followed the events on Midgard closely.” Odin stood over me. “You and my son have made us proud. You realize the consequences of keeping the stone within you. But, pray tell, give us the name of he who pulled you from Thor.”

      “He knew you. I felt it,” I pointed, slow and calculated. “We had something of his. It could be eons before he comes again. He is patient. He is without mercy.”

      “Who?” Thor snapped and I stared at Odin.

      _“Thanos.”_ I hissed and a tremor shook the room. “Now, for my terms. I’ve but a few.”

      “After Loki’s trial. You will give them.” Odin stared at me and I stared at him. We both smirked. “You and Thor deserve some just rest until that time.”

      “Happily.” I turned, people eyed me with matching looked of shock and unease.

      “To be a hero.” Thor muttered and I turned my head to look at him.

      “Heroes can pass, my love.” I trailed the side of my finger down his cheek. Depression gripped him but, he would not show it. “We are now legends.” I didn’t bother waiting for my friends to greet and offer me kind or hopeful words. That would come later.

      “Why?” A civilian stepped forward and then backwards when I turned to see him. “Did the fates make you consume the stone?”

      “It was the right thing,” Thor muttered finally, realizing it as I shifted down the path.

      “Because the stone asked me to,” I turned to survey the crowd that should have terrified me, “and because…” I caught Alistair’s face and moved to continue on. “My calendar was open."

** ** **

      Bastard.

      Seer of Souls.

      Messiah.

      Avenger.

      Psyche.

      _Look at me._ I paced the halls and waited for who would find me first. Naturally, it was Alistair rushing toward my room.

      “When they told me…I was unsure of…” He narrowed his eyes. “It is still you?”

      “You missed me.” I tilted my chin up at him.

      “We all did.”

      “Did they talk about me? My abilities.”

      “Yes. Many did not believe until you entered that room. We don’t…fully understand what you can do.”

      “I didn’t for a long time as well,” I leaned against my door and opened it. “Did you see them? They loved and feared me. Have you come to tell me you’re leaving, Alistair? It’s likely better that you do.”

      “I imagine so.” He paused. Naaki peered down at us from her perch. “I will stay if my princess desires it.”

      “You may take your post then and leave the door open.” I turned and slid a hand along my desk. “They will come to me. Soon perhaps.” Soon came quicker than I thought. My friends filled the doorway and I poured myself some water. “Shut the door. Make yourselves comfortable.”

      “We are forever at your side but taking the stone was foolish.” Sif was the first to near me. My warrior and healing room friends filed in behind her.

      “We had no other place for it,” Thor added. “And we can do nothing about it as of now.”

      “No doubt, Loki’s trial will shift Asgard into a new age.” Moira added.

      “Did you see me taking the stone in all your readings?” I set my cup aside and she stood taller.

      “I could not understand what I saw. Somehow, it feels like déjà vu.” She clasped her hand in Faleen’s as Elise peered at me from behind them.

      “Elise, if it is your wish to leave my side-”

      “No.” She cut over me. “It is not.”

      “We cannot focus on me as of now. Loki’s trial grows closer,” I leaned against my desk.

      “Will Odin send him to the axe?” Fandral’s realization brought us all together.

      “That would be too easy.” Hogun replied quietly.

      “How will you be rid of the stone if it hurts you? Kills you?” Fandral stepped forward. “Did you ever think of that?”

      “Of course. But, it is not nearly as important as the people I wish to protect.” I looked around my room. “The stone pleaded for me like a child.” _Mother._

      “And you…you’re so different.” He went on.

      “I am just more myself than I ever have been,” I looked down at my hand, feeling the magic crawling under my flesh. “I think.”

      “Thanos,” Thor began.

      “I can tell you nothing more. Asgard has bigger problems. I’m sure you felt the shockwave when we returned. Through all the realms.” I shook my head.

      “What is it?” Faleen asked and Thor spoke.

      “Loki’s actions will inspire many…just as we will,” he eyed me and exhaled.

      “You should get cleaned up. Loki’s trial is-”

      “I’m not going.” Thor shook his head, making every attempt to not look pained. “I tried. I really did. Loki is dead. That man…he is not my brother. No longer.” Loki had worn Thor down all the way; or so Thor thought. His connection to Loki would never end. As mine. Thor would deny it. While…I…

      I would flourish in something new.

      “Do what you must. It is all we can do really,” my lips tugged. “My prince.”

** ** **

      “Frigga,” I managed to find the queen in her study, the doors were open. She knew I’d come. Alistair waited outside while I shut doors with magic.

      “Do you feel you made the right choice?” She didn’t turn.

      “They do. The voices. The stone is all too pleased.” My eyes darted around. “Perhaps.”

      “You had questions for me?” She gazed at me and I stepped forward.

      “Will Loki be killed?”

      “Not even I…can answer that. It will be Odin’s orders.” Frigga stepped forward, reaching out to touch my head. Her hand skimmed over my cheek and I felt it. The feelings caving in under her veins. “We must trust him.” Finally, I snapped in half.

      “No, you see, I’m not always there,” I stepped back. “Odin and I might perhaps have some begrudging respect for each other. But, I know what he’s done. The lies that helped transform Loki into something that could have been avoided. The lies that kill you when you’re trying to sleep at night. I know, Frigga. I know about the lies on your house. The lies of your firstborn baby-”

      My heart leapt when she slapped me. Clean across the face.

      I barely reacted, face snapped to the side before I turned to meet her gaze. Full of regret and sorrow. Blinking, I sniffed and my head tilted down; staring at her with heavy eyes.

      “I should not have done that.” Her hands clasped to her heart and she shifted forward to shower me with emotions that begged forgiveness.

      “No. I don’t blame you though.” My voice was deathly calm.

      “It was wrong, I will not do it again. When did you know?” She pressed her palm to her lips.

      “I began to see things from you first. Little flashes. A long time ago. It was confirmed by the Norns when they called Thor a false prince and whispered the truth in my ears. I almost told him. A few times. I figured it should come from you.”

      “It will. After the trial. I’ve wanted to tell him for a long time. After what happened with Loki…”

      “What was his name?” I furrowed my brow.

      “Odin and I were young. Our firstborn. Our baby… Our heir. Baldr, we called him. Golden with bright eyes. Perfect.” Frigga grew wistful and distant. “When he was still a mere babe, barely a season old; he was taken and…murdered. It was a different time. The realms were in disarray. Horrid. I used magic to shroud him from the horrors of this world. But, it was not enough. Odin entered into a war and we grew distant from each other. He came home with a new baby in his arms. His blood but not mine. Golden with bright eyes. He was not Baldr but he was in need of a mother’s affections. I took one look at him and knew he could be mine. Thor. We cast a powerful, dark spell over all of Asgard to rid them of Baldr’s memory. So we could move on.” She shut her eyes. “I couldn’t remove him from mine. Not like that. Odin couldn't either but we don't speak of him now. I wanted him to live on with me. Thor became the only heir Asgard knew. Mere years later, Odin came home with another babe. Small and sick. Enchanting. Loki. I dedicated myself to them. Thor is still Odin’s blood. His birth mother, I’m told she perished.”

      “He and Loki are your sons. You nursed them, taught them, held them while they cried, and stayed up all hours while they were ill. That's more than enough.” I insisted and she sniffled. “Always.”

      “Yes, they are. My little boys. I remember when Odin placed Loki next to Thor. So frail next to Thor’s bright, strong frame. I could see it though…Thor loved him the moment he saw him. As did I.”

      “Loki is lost,” I paused, “but, never forgotten. Which, in my eyes, is good and bad.”

      “Yes,” she touched my face and felt of relief. “I should not have struck you. It was so wrong.” I merely swallowed in response.

      “We have to move on with life.” I breathed softly and Frigga nodded.

      “Come then, Loki’s trial is upon us.”

** ** **

      Chains clicked together when the footsteps sounded. Loki was let in framed by guards holding his shackles. The throne room had been emptied out, save for Odin on his throne with Frigga and I off to the side. Loki stared ahead and looked to have been healed up and hosed down once. Didn't make a huge difference.

      “Loki…” Frigga’s hands clasped in a nervous gesture I knew well from her younger son.

      “Have I made you proud?” Loki hissed softly without his muzzle.

      “Please,” she whispered. “Don’t make this worse.” Frigga caved before she added. “I knew you would return to us.”

      “Frigga,” Odin gently cut in. “I would speak with the prisoner now.” Frigga, near unable to bear this, turned and left the room. When I shifted, Odin pointed to the stairs.

      “Stay and observe.” His order caused me to move in place just one step beneath him. Where I belonged.  _Gladly._

      “Have you become Asgard’s favorite new little weapon?” Loki sneered at me. "Odin's pet."

      “Silence. She and Thor have put a stop to your mistakes.” Odin’s voice was firm.

      “He will talk tough all he wants, my king,” I smirked. “I can still see right through him.”

      “Making such a fuss. I merely did what you would have done. March and rule as a benevolent god.” Loki stepped forward, hands gesturing out.

      “Thanos made you empty promises,” I drawled and Loki’s jaw clenched when I said his name. “He didn’t with me.”

      “The people rally to have you flogged or publicly executed,” Odin smoothly began. “Death and destruction follow you. All this because Loki desire’s a throne.”

      “Perhaps, I should have taken a mortal infant to raise it as my own while I ruled,” Loki tilted his head.

      “Do you not truly feel the gravity of your actions?” Odin went on.

      “I could make him,” I uttered dangerously and Loki’s eyebrows quirked up.

      “The throne is my birthright,” he snapped instead, leaning in and Odin shot back.

      “Your birthright was to die!” The King breathed heavily and Loki was silenced. “Cast out under a frozen rock. Frigga and I took you in. Loved you. Raised you alongside Thor. Taught you all we knew...all we could. Still you appreciate none of these blessings,” Odin shook his head. “I have made many mistakes. I have regrets. There are things I can never put right. Lives I cannot bring back. Perhaps one day, I can make up for them. Perhaps you will as well. Frigga clings to you like a mother would to a _drowned_ child...” My eyes slid to him briefly. His voice had cracked. Steady, I stared back at Loki. “But, this creature standing before me now…I do not recognize him.”

      “If I am for the axe, then for mercy’s sake…just swing it.” Loki shifted forward, clearly shaken. “It’s not that I don’t love our little talks…it’s just…I don’t love them.”

      “Frigga is why you live and you will never see her again,” Odin shook his head and Loki’s hands clenched with despair. “You will spend your days in the dungeons. There will be long processing and interrogation sessions. The mercy of a quick death is not what you have reaped, Loki. Instead, you will live with yourself. Just as you are. No place to hide.”

      “My King, if I may,” I tilted my head to look at him.

      “By all means, speak.” Odin gestured and I bowed my head.

      “There is not a warrior or healer that wishes to go near Loki. I ask that I lead these sessions with him and…after, be given day and night access to him.” I peered at Loki and my lip tugged up at his expression. “Be at his call. Report on him. Bring meals when needed. Watch him.”

      “You wish to be his servant?” Odin observed and I shook my head.

      “No,” I smiled lighter. “Think of me more…as his warden. Many who want to get near him hold intentions to end his life. I mean to stop that as well. Give him to me and I can promise that he won’t perish under our watch. Moreover, I can give you something in return.”

      “What is that?”

      “Should you give me my status as a warrior back down the line…I could truly be anything Asgard needs. Loki is the cost for my complete and utter loyalty. But, I will also grant you my life. In more ways than one. If Loki dies, it shall be on me and I’ll be for the axe. I can give you my word or my name in writing. Any attempt on Loki’s life will be an attempt on mine. So, in turn, I get to deal with those who make such attempts. There will be many and believe me…I can put an early stop to it.”

      “Can you?” Odin already knew the answer.

      “Did you see how the crowds parted for me when I arrived back,” I almost grinned. “I did.”

      “What is in this for you?” Odin smirked then and I knew I’d be getting what I wanted. “You wish to spend your time torturing him as his warden?”

      “Torture? No. That's tacky.” I chuckled aloud, shaking my head before I turned and stepped toward Loki. Life was torture enough. He didn’t dare let himself look intimidated. “Never. I want to see this through. I want to ensure the right pieces fall where they must be. I...will keep the wheels spinning. And as for Loki...” I stared at him and shifted down the stairs in a calculated manner. My tone dropped to the sweet whisper of a child as Loki’s green eyes peered deep into me. “I just want to play with him.” Payment in full.

      “Done.” Odin sealed my fate.

      Loki tried to scoff but he was breathless. Frightened and perhaps, mostly curious.

      “And what of Thor? You will make that witless oaf King while I rot in chains? You'll marry him to your new pet as the stone eats her alive?” Loki tried to stay even when guards tugged him backwards.

      “Thor will strive to undo the damage that you have done and bring order to the nine realms,” Odin sat back. “Then, yes, he will be King. And she, the rightful Queen at his side. My new first step.” Odin's decision shook my core. My standing in Asgard peaked. "She will have her new assignments tomorrow morning." I stole the place that would have belonged to two princes. Loki stared at me with eyes that almost pleaded before his mask shifted into place and he hardened like ice. My words were without feeling.

      “I’ll be seeing you, handsome.”

** ** **

      Night fell and I came to Thor as the celebrations went into the evening. I found him alone, in his chambers and sitting with his back to me. “Father told me your request. Why pick at a healing wound?”

      “Pick? No. I mean to watch it get better.” The stone would take me. _What did it matter?_

      “Loki is gone!” Thor stood up and I watched him fall back again, regret entered his tone. “Forgive me.”

      “I miss it too. All of it.” Earth. Loki. Old times. I approached Thor and rounded the bed to touch his shoulder. The second I did, he began to weep; rain poured outside and ruined the festivities taking place. I let him pull me into his lap and held him tightly, pressing his head to my chest while I petted his hair. Rocking him, I did not cry with him this time. Thor, with all his might, still felt like he’d failed us all. Thunder hit and I held him closer to me, kissing his hair. He’d spoken with his mother. He knew the truth now. His mind was clouded with Earth and Jane Foster. With Frigga’s words. And with Loki. “Tell me what to do…” I begged softly. “Tell me what you need of me.”

      “I need…” Thor sniffled hard and leaned back to gaze at my face. “I need everyone. Even you. To continue life as normal. We must protect the realms with all that we are. Without Asgard’s light…darkness has spread. But, those days are over.”

      “I cannot fight your battles,” I touched his face and tried to soothe him. “But, I can hold your hand when you allow it.” I smiled for Thor. My friend. My companion. My teammate. He brightened just a bit and I beamed, exhaling in the darkness of his room. “It is how I am able to love you.”

      Life would be changing again. I had to hold onto my friends now more than ever. And perhaps, hope. And perhaps, Loki. The mind stone was latched and protecting me and shielding me and killing me all at the same time. I would offer all of the same in return. It could consume everything that I was but, I was brave and ready finally to take on the magnitude of me. I wondered if Loki was. But, for now, I could comfort Thor for the hardships to come. Behind him, every voice within my head looked to me for guidance for once and I exhaled; stating my next words to both Thor and them.

      “We remain here still. All of us. Regardless of all that has happened. We will endure.”

      Thor sighed and closed his eyes to enjoy these moments.

      _We remain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch a big villain reference? ;) Next one is the build up to Thor 2. Iron Man 3 doesn't occur and thanks to the Lady, Age of Ultron won't be a thing. Be aware that the Lady and Loki stoop to...near toxic levels in their interactions coming up. Thanks for reading!! Comments and kudos are so so appreciated. Shoutout to ao3 user, Distopian. :)))


	27. Too Much in Between (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time leading up to Thor: The Dark World! Asgard plummets into war as Loki's actions burn everyone around him. Thor attempts to cut him out of his life by immersing himself in battle, even if it means casting other duties aside when jealousy grows within his heart. The Lady relentlessly faces down Loki while her days are numbered and becomes Asgard's weapon, taking her place next to the King to face choices Thor and Loki cannot as the stone drains her. These events come back to haunt the trio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, as stated, Loki and the Lady jab at each other and lower to somewhat vindictive/toxic levels. They're both not totally healthy people and looking to settle a score. The Lady's relationship with Thor takes a turn because they're desperate to be rid of Loki and they also both...take different standings in Asgard. Thor isn't completely comfortable with his role. But, he is still a dope with a heart of gold, he just depressed af. Sigh. Big smut warning with them both! Lengthy chapter since these are more so lone prompts that make up a full story than chapters.

            Suffice it to say, I had a few things to sort out.

            The stone came first. Stripping it down to its purest form took a few late nights in my room. Cutting possible connections from it and making it wholly mine. Each passing hour, I felt the mind stone slipping into every vein and muscle of my body to make its home until when I tested it, a bright terrifying gold replaced the stark blue within my irises. The mind gem would fizzle to its bare essentials. Something still lingered in the distance. After my eyes faded back to brown, I smiled and ended the session of serene meditation. I’d been practicing focusing myself with those when I could in the evenings. Part of me believed I could project my mind to the outside world; there were moments where I felt as if I’m invading the dreams of another but I needed more time. More practice. A knock brought me from my daze as I raced up the short steps and hid the secret room under my carpet. Naaki meowed until I petted her head next to me.

            “Yes?”

            “They are ready for you.” Elise called when I opened the door. She didn’t step back or shy from my gaze. This brought me to the second task I had to sort out.

            Loki. 

            “I figured it would take longer than a few days,” I smirked lightly to myself. I hadn’t seen him since his trial. Tossed carelessly into a damp cell under the palace until they prepared him for prison. Soon, I was to meet the warden and a few prison guards to go over Loki’s processing.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Elise’s prosthetic limb touched my shoulder before she pressed her lips and parted. Alistair fell into stride next to me, silent as we walked across the quiet grounds. The sky grew dim before I stepped into the main prison blocks and guards allowed us inside. Buried deep under Asgard were the cells for dangerous criminals. All designed well for who they kept inside.

            “We’ve been eager to make your acquaintance,” a broad woman stepped toward me with a few men and women at her side. “Welcome to our operation. Have you been to the prisons before?”

            “Yes. Long ago.” I clasped my hands.

            “I am Ylva. We likely won’t be seeing much of each other as you’re…bound to one prisoner. But, I figured an introduction to our base would benefit you and I personally wanted to show you what we have set up for him.” She beckoned for me to follow and our guards trailed behind; a few took their posts as we walked the halls. “We are the oldest prison in Asgard. Zero escapes and just few  _casualties_  in the last century alone. But, I’m certain this trivia is of no interest to you. This way.” We descended a spiral staircase and went down another before pacing along a hallway. Prisoners gawked at us while few kept to themselves. “Our cells are state of the art. No two match.”

            “And Loki’s?”

            “Here. The Queen requested we place him at the end with no one cell facing his own. Privacy and such, I suppose. Moreover, she stated that she will have more furniture sent for his…comfort. I’m in no place to deny her words, no matter my thoughts.” I stepped into a cell without a protective shield. All white and well lit; no dark corners to hide in. A few necessities were placed inside and my eyes fell to a metal table with two cuffs embedded in it. Moreover, a chair with a matching cuff meant for a neck sat in front of it. “Here, first, is the key to those cuffs. You’ll be making great use of this table when you visit.”

            “I’m sure.” I placed the key away and glanced up when she beckoned for me to come just outside the cell to gaze at a glowing green pad.

            “The shield put on this cell will be impenetrable to both magic and strength. Touching it for a prolonged period of time would be…unwise as well.” She explained. “To keep the prisoner inside, he will be implanted with a chip to ensure he cannot escape. Although, should he decide to dig it out, the shield will still hold. You also will be given one to let you in and out with no issue unless we are in lock down. The lights will turn red and I’m afraid you will be trapped inside until there is an all clear.”

            “Not an issue to me,” I crossed my arms.

            “Moreover, per your request, you will be the only one seamlessly able to get in and out. Only certain guards of this block can use an override should they need to enter but that only works certain hours of the day. Usually when you are here.”

            “Many thanks.” I eyed the cell and turned, lips lifting up. “When do we start?”

            “Now.” She nodded. “Come with me.” We walked again and I exhaled, head tilting up. “The King gave us many things to do for the prisoner. First, we are bringing those with the talent to remove any protective runes upon his body. Then, we have a few interrogation sessions. But, before all that, he must be processed and cleaned for his cell.” I was brought into a large, damp room where a few prisoners were locked away under cold showers. Behind a curtain that split the room, I saw him finally. Loki. Chained to a gate and nude, Loki’s back was to me while a guard held to a metal staff that had a cuff looped around his neck. Another was currently spraying his dirty body down while he hunched a bit. “Many complained about his smell.”

            “I can see his ribs,” I observed and Loki turned his head at the sound of my voice. “When did he last eat?”

            “I’m afraid that he has been refusing meals. Such choices will force us to take action soon if it is not remedied.”

            “He’ll be difficult.” I shrugged and stepped closer to see the hateful green of Loki’s eyes looking into mine. Lengthy black hair matted down around his face as he looked at me with the appearance of a wet mop. Powdered soap was tossed at him before he was hosed down again; the chill didn’t bother him as he stared at me.

            “That how you’re dressing now?” He croaked and my lips quirked up. “It’ll fool them. But, never me.”  _I’m sure._

            “ _Silence_. …Come, let’s prepare you while they finish here,” Ylva brought me from my daze.

            “Of course,” I followed her into a smaller room where Eir was a prepping an intimidating device with seven needles arranged almost like a flower at the end. “Eir.” I nodded and she greeted me.

            “Just in time,” she began. “I have his ready as well. I figured you would rather inject him. This will attune you to the cell. Please lift you sleeve.”

            “Let’s get this over with.” I rolled up my sleeve and sat to offer my forearm to her. The scars showed in the light and I braced myself.

            “It will ache for the day and leave a mark.”

            “What’s another scar?” I shrugged and she didn’t reply, taking my wrist in her gloved hand. Eir lifted the needle and abruptly plunged it at the top of my forearm; burning pain exploded up the limb before I clenched my jaw and dug my fingers into my palm. She yanked it out and covered the bleeding mark before it was wrapped.

            “It must heal naturally, have care for now.”

            “That’s a bit more than an ache,” I joked lightly, my hand trembled as I fixed my sleeve and she chuckled.

            “Indeed,” Eir slid a small box over to me and nodded. “For him.”

            “Of course.”

            “I’ll send my contacts to remove his runes over within the next half hour. He’s in for a rough night.” Eir’s parting words caught me before we left.

            “He’s in for a few of those,” I commented idly. Ylva spoke about the prison as we walked back to Loki’s cell where he was being shown in, now wearing a green prison garb. They forced him into the metal chair and snapped the collar around his neck before yanking his arms into place. His forearms faced up when the clamps shut his wrists into place and the position forced him to strain against the collar slightly as his elbows bent to touch the table. “Shift the chair forward so he doesn’t choke.” I ordered and the guard kicked his chair forward, smirking.  _Now, that will not do._

            “These three watch this block of cells.” Ylva gestured out as Alistair took his post just outside Loki’s cell.

            “What are your names?” My hands clasped as I slunk forward.

            “Asmund, m’lady,” a quiet one offered, unable to meet my gaze when he instead looked at Loki.

            “Bjorn.” The one who kicked Loki’s chair added.

            “Garth,” the third replied, buff and covered in scars.

            “While you guard this block, Loki will be left alone. And if I catch any of you enjoying being rough with him again; I’ll make sure you never set foot into this prison.” I stepped closer to Bjorn and tilted my head. “Do you understand?”

            “Forgive me, my lady, I’ll have more care next time.” Bjorn offered respectfully, bowing his head to me. “Might I add that your history is unparalleled… We all thank you for what you have done. Brave woman to take the stone.”

            “Right,” I slipped past him and stared down at Loki.

            “Take your posts,” Ylva ordered and the three men left. “Ah, just in time.”

            “We’ve orders about his runes.” A few men and women filed in and I nodded.

            “How would you like him?” I asked cordially.

            “Most sorcerers keep them in their back as I’m sure you know,” A woman stepped forward and I unlocked the cuff around Loki’s neck. He about growled and leaned forward before two began to lift his shirt over his head. It sagged around his arms and he looked up at me again, fury entered his eyes. Not faltering, I stared back without remorse.

            “ _Ahh_!” Loki cried out when they began to rip the runes from his back. It was a slow and painful process. Worse than putting them in. Each rip left a bright purple marking on his pale flesh.

            “While they work, let’s test this shield,” Ylva caused me to turn my gaze from Loki. She stepped outside and worked the pad next to the cell until its bright shield beamed up in front of me. “Rest assured, you’ll be-” Abruptly, I surged my arm through and was unharmed. “-…perfectly safe… I like you. I think the prisoner will be in capable hands. Once they leave, I’ll put the shield back up and he’ll be all yours.”

             _Perfect. Mine, all mine._

            “I’ll come to you if I’ve any further questions and I’m grateful for all the help you’ve offered. Trust me…Loki won’t be going anywhere.” She brought the shield down and gave me instructions of the cell’s lock. Loki’s pained shouts echoed when he dared to release them as they worked.

            “You’re going to spend your days like this?” Loki hissed, arching in pain when another rune was yanked out. “Does it give you pride to see me in this state,  _pathetic bitch_!” No one spoke as I put my arm up and stepped toward him silently.

            “ _Oh_ ,” My tone was aloof. “I almost  _forgot_ … Loki also hide runes in the back of his thighs and arms as well.” Loki bared his teeth at my betrayal and I didn’t express anything while I looked back at him. I came forward and took his chin, feeling his lips quiver with tears that didn’t fall. He was furious and completely terrified and…he missed his mother. My hands shifted behind his neck to press him against the table, not roughly, so they could make him stand and get to his other runes. Loki closed his eyes and I could have taken his pain. But, I didn’t this time.

            He hated me.

             _Good_.

** *** **

            “Loki, are you with me now?” Alone, I shifted a chair toward the table while Loki sat in his restraints. Trembling and tired from the pain. I opened the case on the table and took out his needle. He breathed heavily when he saw it and his fists clenched up. “This will hurt and you will have a scar.” I rolled up my sleeve to show him my wrapped wound and for the first time, he eyed the many scars along my skin; his gaze flicked away. I scooted closer and unlocked the cuff around his neck. “Better? After this, food will be brought.”

            “Waste of time.” His voice sounded after a moment.

            “If you don’t eat…they will force a tube down your throat and make you.” I countered, readying his needle idly. “Is that what you want?” I plunged the needle into his arm without warning and Loki pressed his mouth to his other arm to muffle his whine. Staring at him, I edged my hand away when his fingers begged for me before I slid one forward. Tracing my fingers along his palm, I took his hand and absorbed the pain which caused him to sag. He looked at me and I looked back before I pulled the needle out and set it away. Using magic, a bandage wrapped itself around Loki’s pale skin and I exhaled; pulling away.

            “You knew who he was before he gave his name,” Loki hissed, referring to Thanos. “How?”

            “Of course I did. The Tesseract engulfed us and the syllables came. The stone was still attached to him. But, not anymore. Do you see?” My eyes flooded with black and yellow and Loki didn’t edge away this time. “He was the last person I felt when I absorbed the stone before I was yanked away from the sight on both him…and Heimdall. The stone protects me and I protect it, you see. It is mine. Forever. And I think even Thanos could feel that. Nerien was only the beginning. I bet he knew what I would become. Thanos will have to change his plans with these stones as now he doesn't have the means to wield them. Could buy time.”

            “He’ll kill us both if he gets the chance.” Loki whispered and my tone changed.

            “Torture probably. But, not kill. Not yet. Would you like to know what he really thought of you? He told me…in a matter of speaking when I consumed the infinity gem.”

            “Leave me.” Loki growled, struggling in his cuffs but I was  _relentless_.

            “He was laughing.” I cocked my head. “Yes, he laughed at the thought of you believing that he would allow a childish, fallen brat to keep Earth. You were a spoiled teen to him. A pawn in a bigger game. And if your plan succeeded, he was going to kill you… Eventually.” I paused and stared at him intently. “Would you like to know how?”

            “Leave me!”

            “I think you knew that and still you tried to go through with it all.” I observed, standing to lean toward Loki’s face.

            “I hate you,” he cracked, eyes watering. “ _I hate you._ ”

            “So, what? I hate you too. And hate,  _sweetheart_ , will only make the heart grow fonder,” I uttered, so soft, and Loki surged forward to mash his lips to mine. He was looking for something. I let him open his mouth against mine and parted my lips when he moaned only to dig my teeth into his bottom lip. Loki cried out and tugged back, blood trickled from his mouth and I sat back calmly to lick the blood from my lips and teeth. I swallowed and remained composed as I watched him.

            Hate. Love.  _Whatever_.

            “So many died and will die because of you.” I chuckled breathlessly.

            “We are monsters of war,” Loki replied, tonguing his cut. “Many die because of us daily.” I wondered if he was thinking about the trial I showed him from my head.

            “Just so,” I looked distant before coming back to him and sitting up. “If you ever touch me without my consent again, I’ll-”

            “Kill me, I’m sure.” Loki smirked and I made it my mission to wipe it from his face.

            “No, Loki, that would be far too easy,” my tone changed to something terrifying when I touched cruelty and I was certain my eyes transformed as well. They often did now when my anger rose. “I’ll strap you down and rip every single memory you hold dear out of your head. Your family. Your magic. Your knowledge. Me.  _Gone_. And then you can torture yourself, forever wondering why your brain is full of holes and terrible things, while I  _watch_. Believe me, you won’t like it.”

            Loki didn’t touch me again after that.

** ** **

            “They’d like the papers here, my lady,” Bjorn led me into a cramped room. I organized a few things and turned.

            “Loki won’t give answers for half of these,” I grumbled, setting some files aside while I added some new ones to my pile.

            “Do you…have the power to force him?” The guard asked hesitantly.

            “I can go into his head but the answers I seek won’t always be up front,” I distractedly shifted through my things as he spoke behind me.  _What fun would that be?_

            “Marvelous, you are.”

            “So they say,” I sighed. _Enough talking._

            “Many of us will do anything to appease you,” he paused. “After what  _he_  did to us all-”

            “Prince Thor is waiting to see me,” I cut over him. “Could you send him in?”

            “Yes, of course,” Bjorn backed up, “right away.” I enjoyed the few minutes of silence before Thor entered and I huffed.

            “Damn formalities,” I muttered and Thor turned his head as I stacked papers up on a self. “Most of the questions they have me asking him are things we already know and it isn’t as if he’s going to give much else up. This is Loki we’re talking about…and sorry, I know I really shouldn’t be bringing this up to you.” Thor shrugged and shook his head.

            “Sorry the work is tedious,” he offered instead and I exhaled.

            “What did you want?” I brushed myself off and he followed me out of the room. Alistair fell in stride to my right.

            “We’re going riding today and I wondered if you wanted to join. Might hit a pub after.”

            “Do the celebrations never end?” I joked, turning my gaze to him.

            “First, the battle on Earth, next we get the bifrost working, and then the success on Alfhiem. You should have been there. All in the last month. The celebrations will last into oblivion as the warriors and I will be working the next year on the rest of the realms.” Thor explained. “What do Odin’s advisers have you doing while I’m gone?”

            “ _Oh_?” I swallowed and lied. “They bore me with sessions on battles. Nothing much else.”

            “I see. You will get your status back. Soon.”

            “Perhaps, I should be happy, I've been...busy.” I quirked up my brow. “No, in truth, I wish I could join you all. I seem to have changed jobs often. Healer. Warrior. Avenger. Warden. It never ends. Surely, I must find time to spend with my fiancé regardless.” I wasn’t sure if I was talking about him or Loki. Thor laughed at that and nodded, setting his arm around my shoulder when we got outside. “I’m afraid that if we run into a rough spot…they will present me to strike fear into our enemies as a means of ending the battles early.”

            “We won’t let that happen, I have this under control.” Thor’s fingers pressed into my shoulder.

            “I’m trying not to think about it regardless,” I looked up at him and got him to change the subject to my guard on my opposite side.

            “You’ll join us, Alistair?”

            I didn’t hear the response when discomfort surged up my chest and down my arms. Pausing, I let out a shaken breath and rubbed the area, causing Thor to notice.

            “Are you all right?” Thor brought me from my daze and I cleared my throat.

            “Yes,” I shook my head and waved my hands. “Just realized this means we’re going to have to put up with Fandral’s stories.”

            “A fate none of us deserves,” Thor jested then. We could be contented pretending everything was fine. We had to. We were heroes of Asgard. Future King and… _Queen_.

            “Sif!” I jolted when we entered the stables and rushed to hug her. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. I heard about you marveling the elves of Alfheim.”

            “Lady Sif dazzles everywhere she goes,” Fandral piped up, taking the reins of a horse.

            “Do I detect a hit of jealousy, Fandral, or have you swooned?” Volstagg patted his back and passed him to greet me. Hogun was noticeably bright after having spent some time in Vanaheim but, he was needed back here.

            “I’d say swoon,” I touched Fandral’s shoulder and passed him to take the reins of another horse. She shook her mane out and backed up from me until I bribed her with a carrot. “The stone makes them wary of me.” I gave her nose a pat and exhaled. No one asked about Loki. “Where to first?” I smiled and turned, causing my friends to grin in response. Life as normal. Or something close to it.

            I could hope still.

** ** **

            “You won’t believe these questions I have to ask you,” I chuckled and crumbled up a paper before I tossed it across Loki’s cell. It touched the shield and burned on contact. “ _What shit_.”

            “All these vulgar mortal words coming out of that mouth,” Loki clasped his hands and I sat at the metal table to prop up my boots.

            “Let’s get this over with.” I waited for him to sit.

            “What, pray tell, did mother send you off with this time?” He asked as I felt around my bag.

            “Slippers,” I slid them across the table and Loki picked them up, swallowing. He didn’t thank me before setting them in his lap. Usually, Frigga sent books which had all been set into neat piles to the side.

            “Do you feel like you’re a danger to yourself and others?” I snorted and laughed aloud. “They literally gave me all generic questions they give to everyone else. For  _you_. If only they gave a shit about the mentally ill before they're a threat.” I crumbled another paper up and tossed it at Loki’s chest this time. He shot a small spell to burn it and the ashes landed on the floor. “Lively and colorful,” I spoke idly as I wrote. “Loki retains full use and control of his magic.”

            “I’m glad you still find enjoyment when you arrive here,” Loki muttered, sarcastic.

            “Such a thing it is to not be taken seriously.” Looping letters inked across the page while I jotted down a few things to make the advisers happy.

            “We done after this little party?”

            “No, actually, I’m here on serious business but I haven’t shown it until now because the assistants are late.” I set my work aside and exhaled. “As much as I wish I had full control here, I don’t. You haven’t eaten yet and frankly, it’s starting to upset those who run the prison. So, a guard is going to come in here and shove a tube into your stomach while some attendant pours a foul mixture of some healing nonsense into your mouth. It’s apparently how they handle things here instead of the more polite manner they do in healing centers across Asgard. Not like that will backfire one day.”

            “ _What_?” Loki seethed, hands pressing into the table.

            “Eat something so they don’t have to.” I countered without looking at him. “You won’t get back at them this way.”

            “To hell with them!” Loki, pale and weak, stood up and kicked his chair across the room. “Why did you not kill me?”

            “You didn’t need me to.” I paused, going through my things. “Here, let me read this to you. Notes observed from you on a daily basis when I’m not here…the prisoner’s behavior is somewhat erratic. He sits in the corner and mutters to himself for hours on end. At night, we have observed waking silence, banging followed by pained groans, angry muttering, and muffled sobs that often come with pleas. Whenever the names of Prince Thor or King Odin are mentioned-”

            “ _Shut up!_ ”

            “-…an outburst of anger follows. Thanos scarred you and what you're doing now won't make it any better. Put on a show but I see you. You're terrified. You did horrible things after the fall and I know it. You know it. But, whatever you've done, it did not impress this titan.” Composed, I set the paper aside. “The advisers are still trying to have a field day with you. So when they ask me, I’m rather vague. In truth, it isn’t their business anymore. I don’t have to help you but, I can. Let me. I can’t force you but, if you want them getting more liberties with you than I. Fine. In truth, we both belong in hospitals…but, we don’t often get what we need…or want.”

            “I’d take a flogging over this.”

            “That, Loki, is why Odin gave you this instead.” Distractedly, I flipped through papers and organized them before setting the piles away.

            “And  _you_ , what do they make you do for your freedom these days?” Loki’s glare bore into me and I didn’t react. I couldn’t. _If only you knew what I’ve become_.

            “I do what is asked of me. For Asgard. For these nine realms.” I offered in response before changing the subject. “From these little tests and questions, I can deduce…basically everything I already knew.  _Gods_. It's going to be a long year for us.” I shifted in my seat and shook out my left arm, causing Loki to narrow his eyes.

            “It starts as a little twitch, does it not? Shake it off like a compulsion but it will keep coming back.” He used magic to bring his chair back and sat down. “It pains you at times. The stone. Does it not?”

            “It’s a blessing and a curse. Soon, one will take over the other.” Loki was submissive, the way he offered me his hands when I opened the table’s cuffs. He knew what would happen if he didn’t. I locked him into place and used magic to cuff his neck; discomfort crossed his face. 

            “Eat,” I held an apple to his mouth but, he shook his head. “Come on, Loki. If you’re trying to make yourself die, you won’t. If you’re also trying to make yourself ill so they move you to a healing facility, they won’t do that either. Not for you. Escape isn’t in the cards for you so just  _eat_.”

            “Make me,” Loki chuckled and I huffed as someone opened the shield behind me.

            “Bjorn. Garth.” I noted and eyed the skinny old man and women behind them.

            “You look lovely today, my lady,” Bjorn had taken to giving me compliments whenever he saw me. Garth was rather silent, but he got his job done.

            “Okay,” I turned to move my things, paying him no mind at all. Loki’s smirk fell when he eyed the tube and I watched him swallow but, it appeared he was going to go through with this.

            “We need to hold his head back,” the old man began and Bjorn seized his head. When he saw me staring, his grip loosened noticeably. Garth held back in case Loki struggled but he didn’t until his mouth was pried open by a metal device for the tube. I had to force my face not to change when it slid inside his mouth. His arms struggled with no use and he tried to jerk finally when he made him uncomfortable. I just stood there. I didn't lift a finger to help the man I loved. Or, once loved. 

            “He’ll need lots of water after this and his insides will be sore for a few days.” Turning, I poured a goblet and realized my hands where shaking. I clasped them and willed them to stop before I tilted my chin up ruefully. Loki gagged and they force fed him some grey matter that didn’t look appetizing. Some bubbled from his lips and tears sprang in his eyes before the torment ended after a few agonizing minutes. Loki coughed and vomited a little so I wiped his chin and pressed his head back to get him water. He was trembling and snot dripped from his nose like he was a tiring child. Without a word, I wiped it away after. Splotchy red eyes looked up at me with a pitiful expression as I forced some water into his mouth. “He will be quite drowsy.”

            “You were to feed him not drug him.” I turned and Loki’s head lulled.

            “The advisers insisted.” The old woman added and my hands clenched.

            “Is that so?” I paused. “Get out.”

            “We’re not finished-”

            “ _Out!”_ My eyes flashed and they backed up. The guards escorted them off and I opened Loki’s restraints. “Don’t you dare throw up, they’ll do it again.”

            “Look at my clever girl, frightening all my bullies away. Paying me back from long ago…?” He chuckled and slid down but I grabbed his shoulders.

            “Shut up,” I muttered and brought him up to let him fall into bed. “You will eat after this. Every bite. Frigga won’t have her little boy try to kill himself of starvation.”

            “Will Thor come down and…shake me until I do?” Loki slurred, closing his eyes before opening them to gaze at my face and I exhaled.

            “Not this time.”

** ** **

            After getting Loki to rest, I marched back into the palace and interrupted some session in the throne room. “You are no longer authorized to take liberties over Loki! He is mine to deal with as I see fit! Try anything else and you lose your little  _weapon_!” The advisers looked at me from the side of Odin with matching looks of shock. “They are trying to fill his body with drugs. I can’t have that. Should Frigga find out, I  _doubt_  she’ll like it either…” My threat didn’t go ignored by anyone in the room.

            “You heard her. That was not authorized.” Odin stood and descended the stairs. “They have work for you in return.” His words almost shook me. Almost.

            “I was told I would only have to do… _that_  on few occasions.” I muttered, hands clasping.

            “So you will. But, there is a war criminal from Alfheim downstairs and we are in need of answers.” Odin paused. “You chose this.”

            “Yes.” I dropped my hands and stood taller. “What are his crimes?”

            “He burned houses down and we are searching for the rest of his gang. You will get those answers by  _any_  means.”

            “I understand, my king.” I paused. “Keep them from Loki and I’ll give you all what you want.”

            With my new title and standing…there came the drawbacks.

            Fortunately, I learned how to keep nightmares from my brain weeks ago.

            The images of what I’ve had to do will never leave regardless.

            It was my burden and my secret. Between Odin, his advisers, and I.

            I had to stay me. In the end, I had too. Lest I become Asgard’s weapon forever.

** ** **

            That night, I washed the blood from my hands and vomited only once. The criminal had writhed and screamed for hours. I sat in quiet meditation for a long period of time with Naaki crawling into my lap. I had to be strong. I had to be damned steel. Fire crackled in front of me and I flicked my fingers to make it dance until my eyes grew too tired. Sleep hadn’t been coming well for me lately. Nor did I expect it to. Eventually, I got into bed and enjoyed the bliss of no dreams. Alistair knocked on my door early in the morning and I shrugged on a robe before answering.         

            “What?” I croaked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

            “May I come in and speak with you?”

            “Yes.” I let him inside and shut the door. Naaki rubbed up against him until he petted her as I poured myself some water and didn’t bother to fix my messy hair.

            “Princess, you know I follow you without question,” he began and I turned to meet his gaze. “But, I cannot… What is it you do when you disappear into the throne room for hours on end? You smelled of blood yesterday.”

            “Alistair, I cannot discuss it with you.” I pointed with my fingers wrapped out my goblet. Drinking down some water, I braced myself on the table when my chest burned before I straightened up.

            “Your friends and I can assist you but, you must allow us,” he came forward, genuine worry crossed his dark eyes and I thought of Loki.

            “Alistair, I need you to just be my guard. Nothing more. I cannot…” I closed my eyes and turned.

            “If they are using you-”

            “Everyone uses me, Alistair.” I faced him. “Everyone. I let them. And I use them in return. You really want to know what else they have me doing?  _Fine_. In exchange for my total freedom with the stone and Loki, the advisers have me… _interrogate_  criminals of battle. Sometimes execution. Asgard is at war now…so there will be no short of captures. They fear me. All of them. I’m a political piece and a weapon to them now. I have these powers, they must be used to serve or I am nothing to them.” My breath quivered. “Turns out I’m a natural. I…You must keep it to yourself.”

            “You know that I will but, I cannot watch you do this to yourself.” He stepped forward when my eyes watered.

            “ _Then leave._ ” My tone was thick and I swallowed, pulling my gaze from his. “If you cannot watch a monster do monstrous things…then leave me.”

            “What I cannot fathom is how you believe you’re the monster in all of this.” His exhale trembled and my eyes slid up. “It is not my wish to leave. But, I received a letter from my mother. There was a break in at the farm and they need me. Few weeks perhaps. I wrote her back saying that I would return.”

            “Take what time you need and…if you wish, come back. Come back, knowing what I am and what I will keep doing.” I stared at Alistair and he hesitated for the first time.

            “I will return here to your side.”

             _Stay. I know you can’t. But, I just want you to hear it from me._

_I wish that you could stay._

            “Go.”

** ** **

            “Where ever is that  _handsome_  guard who trails after you?” Loki asked the next day, sliding into his chair. “He doesn’t want to play with us?”

            “Prior engagement,” I smacked a book on the table. “From your mother.”

            “She’ll bring me the entire library at this rate,” Loki used magic to add it to his pile and closed his hands to observe me as I wrote down some notes. “Ah. You’re sad. Shame.”

            “You’re eating again,” I noted on my paper. “They’ll like that.”

            “There you are. Hiding the pain. Just like old times I suppose, except I’m condemned to live my life in this prison and you…well, I’m not sure what you are yet. And neither are you.” Loki leaned forward and tilted his head. “Was he good to you in bed? Better than I?”

            “ _Fuck you._ ” I growled, rubbing my chest idly.

            “I’d like to hear about these other lovers of yours. There was Thor. I  _imagine_  the oaf can hold his own in bed.” Loki quirked his brow in a nonchalant manner but cleared his throat after. Oh, how he pressed for details.

            “It was at a public party after a battle and there was an amazing women with us,” I lifted my gaze. “She did things that made my eyes  _water_.”

            “Oh, using my own words against me now? You don’t care enough about sex to hold stable sexual relations with anyone else.” That sounded like a challenge. “Was it nice to be held after?” Loki’s words caused me to fume but I stayed level.

            “It was nice to be with someone who didn’t  _cling_  to me while I was trying to sleep.” I countered and he chuckled aloud.

            “Cling? Oh, please.” He turned his head. “How many others were there? Besides Thor, the guard, and this  _amazing_  woman.”

            “Two, a man and another woman. Separate occasions.” I wrote a few words and recited them to Loki. “The prisoner changes the subject as if he can harass and embarrass me. He is mistaken. His words lift nothing but another yawn from my lips. Though, he finally sounds like his old, insufferable self... Poetic, no?”

            “Shall I start touching myself right here? Would that make you leave?” Loki leaned back and began to untie his pants.

            “I’ll wait until you’re almost at climax…and then cuff your hands to the table,” I smiled sweetly and he lifted his hands away so I could see them. “Would you like that?”

            “I like it rough,” he whispered before crossing his arms.

            “ _More restraints_ ,” I noted on my paper and he scowled at me. “What will you do, Loki? Bend me over your skinny knee and tell me I’m a naughty girl? Spank me?”

            “Face it, I know you better than anyone else around you and that  _kills_  you. I know you from your pretty head to your darkening heart to that divine spot between your legs-”

            “Shall I bring back the muzzle?” I cut over him.

            “Perhaps you should wear it next time,” he shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Surrounded by all our little friends and still as lonely as ever. The stone is isolating you, sweetheart. They’ll never understand. Especially not your golden fiancé.”

            “Thor understands me in ways not even you can,” I shot back in a low whisper before I resumed writing. “You little  _fuck_.”

            “You think I forgot what it was to be a political game piece?” Loki tilted his head at me.

            “I think you forgot a lot of things,” I hissed and he grew quiet before scoffing.

            “ _Typical_. Hiding. Worse, I bet you still bid others not to hold back when that is exactly how you flourish.” Loki leaned back fully and I noticed something glimmer when he cocked his head. “And you’re talking like a mere mortal-…what are you looking at?”

            “What’s on your face?” My brow furrowed and shifted forward. Loki leaned back further until we moved at the same time. He scrambled out of his chair and fell back when I leapt over the table.

            “ _Bitch!”_ Loki, still weak, managed to push himself against the side of his bed on the floor when I yanked his wrists from his face. I took his chin and felt sorrow as my other hand hovered to rid his face of the glamour charm.

            “Who did  _this_? Show me,” I held his jaw to keep his face in place but his eyes slid away from me. A bruise littered his cheek lightly and there was a cut on his lips. “Come on, Loki,  _give him to me._ ” I flooded his head and saw visions of Bjorn roughing him up when it came time to wash.  _This is for Asgard._ “I knew it. That imbecile who tosses compliments at me. Figures he’s the first to crack.” I let Loki go and stood to gather my papers in a hurry. Loki curled up in his spot and I glanced up at him. “He threatened you until you hid it from me. How stupid does he think I am? Any sorcerer could have seen that charm.  _Ugh_. And now, my schedule is going to be all messed up because I have trash to take out. Perfect.”

            “What will you do?” Loki pretended he wasn’t interested.

            “Nothing for you.” I insisted, straightening up. “I don’t care for you anymore. Remember? But, threats on your life are threats on mine… I have somewhere to be. Our session will be short today.”

            “Whatever you say.” Loki turned his head.

            “Hate you.” I muttered and he almost chuckled.

            “I hate you as well.”

            “Asmund!” I called, ignoring Loki’s tone, as I left the cell. He jolted and paced over toward me while I flicked hair behind my shoulder.

            “Where is Bjorn this evening?”

            “Usually the training grounds, ma’am.” His eyes shifted to Loki, who stood in his cell to pick up a book. The guard gulped when Loki winked at him from behind the barrier.

            “See to it that the prisoner gets fed.” I turned to Loki and exhaled sharply out my nose before I paced off. I was furious and depressed and I missed Alistair’s frustrating gaze. I missed dreaming and I missed the voices being loud on occasion. Nothing and everything made sense. The stone brought me up and tossed me down and brought me higher and it was going to kill me. I marched out to the training grounds and spotted Bjorn speaking with a friend so I didn’t think much about it when my fist smacked the back of his head. The motion startled the entire group of warriors and sent him flying down into the grass. I felt his smugness and leapt on him; fists flying one after the other into his face. Someone grabbed for me and magic sent them back. “Like roughing up prisoners do you,  _bastard_?!”

            “What are you doing?!” Thor finally got his arms around my waist and yanked me back. I wanted to cry so I screamed instead and jerked around, kicking at Thor’s legs until he lost his grip on me. I laid against the man and hit him a few more times; gaining images of Loki’s eyes before he was tossed into the floor. _Great, this ass is making me defend Loki._  I don’t know what made me angrier. Before someone else could grab me, I got up and yanked him by the hair to drag him in a pained daze along with me.

            “None of you…seem,” I got up onto the stairs and looked down at them all as my arm shifted around Bjorn’s neck, “to understand this. Frankly, I don’t give a horse’s  _ass_  what you think of me and how badly you’d like to end Loki’s life for what he’s done. Maybe he deserves it. I don’t  _care_. But, if I catch anymore of you conspiring to end his life, and mine in turn, I’ll make an example of you too. You’ve no idea what the stone has done to me and you should know, that I don’t even need the stone to do this. How can I make it clear to you people-…back off, Thor!” I pointed when he shifted forward and my voice lowered, eyes widening. “For once, back the  _fuck_  off. I love you, but back off.” I sent pain up Bjorn’s body and he convulsed as my eyes changed for all to see. “How can I make it perfectly  _clear_? In truth, I probably cannot. Someone else will try and I’ll find you and I’ll break you. Spread the word. Loki is  _mine_. Do not  _jerk_  me around. Got it?!” Bjorn dropped to my feet and I set my boot on his throat.

            “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted me to!” He begged and my boot crushed against his neck.

            “You thought wrong,” I seethed while he choked. “Never will you set foot into the prisons again. You’re going to resign and move far away to work on spending time with your family. Yes? Sound good?” When he nodded, I kicked him down the stairs. “ _Good_.”

            The warriors parted for me when I snapped my head up.

            “I thought so.” I used magic to bring my bag to me before I stalked between them and far away. Thor grabbed my elbow roughly and spun me around.

            “What is happening to you?” He yelled in my face, shaking me. “What aren’t you telling us?”

            “Ask your father and his little  _birds_ ,” I pushed him and used magic to send him back a few steps. Thor looked aghast at me and something calmed when I met his eyes. “They’re all afraid of me…but never you.” I scoffed out and my arms dropped before I stepped closer to him. “Kiss me,” I whispered, my nose almost brushing his as I stood on my toes. “Kiss me better in front of all our loyal comrades. Use your healing whispers. It’s what you do, yes?” Thor didn’t move and my lips parted until  I breathed heavily. “Kiss me better, Thor _Odinson,”_   lips brushed to his in an empty manner, my tongue flicked out to trace his bottom lip. “The advisers…and I bet, Odin as well…wish to appease me because they know I can make you mine.” My eyes watered as I chuckled, shifted forward to nuzzle my face into Thor’s jaw. “I love you. You love me. In our own way. And we both are  _slaves_  to our love for Loki…” I felt his pulse quicken. Wind blew through the grass around us. I gave a slow lick up his neck and didn’t feel him shudder. “They think I’m going to steal your heart. And so they fear me. Would I  _ever_  do such a thing to you?”

            “You can,” Thor muttered, “you won’t.” He didn’t move as I pressed my face into his neck to inhale his scent. My hands gripped to his clothing and he still remained froze against me like a damn statue.

            “You want to rip the stone from me. I know you do,” my teeth grazed his skin. “You considered for just a fraction of a second…taking me in your arms and marrying me for real. So we could leave Midgard and Loki behind us. I felt it…deep inside you. You’d lay me against your bed and you know I wouldn’t stop you.”

            “Yes.” Thor cleared his throat when one of my legs shifted between his. His emotions were that of bottled fury.

            “ _Why?”_ I hissed, lips trailing along his skin as I leaned back, my eyes changed and Thor didn’t blink. “Would you have me like this? Knowing I can read your heart and take it if I wanted.” Thor took my face in his hands and felt no fear for me. His thumb caught a stray tear that lingered down my cheek before he drew closer and tilted my head at the last moment to kiss my forehead.

            “I would not have you as more or less than the person you are.” Thor paused to stare at my face. “Tell me what happened.”

            “I swore I would not tell,” my eyes flickered to his face. “But, I can show you.”

            “Show me.”

            “It will not be beautiful.” I paused. “Hold me, Thor.” My hands guided Thor’s arms around the small of my back before I let my fingers slide over his face to his temples. “Kiss me all better.” He closed his eyes when I leaned up to kiss him; the images flooded his brain of the things I agreed to do. The potency of the blood and the way the screams wove together with the voices in my mind. Thor rippled with ferocity before picking me up in his arms like a prince would in a fairy tale. My eyes never changed back as he marched into the palace and kicked the doors of his room open. My boots slipped off and Thor dropped me into his bed. When I tried to sit up, he kissed me again until I was breathless and pressed against the thick cushions.

            “Go to sleep,” he licked his lips and stumbled backwards. “Go to sleep and dream.” Unable to bring myself to move, I instead pressed my hand against my own temple and ripped out the barrier that once stopped my dreams. With the extended use of my powers, my eyes rolled back before sleep took me away.

**** ** **

            Emerging from the darkness of the palace, I walked barefoot across the naked grounds of Asgard. A grey dress hung loosely from my body as I entered the empty prisons. Smoke rolled around my feet when I stepped into Loki’s cell. Curled up on the covers of his bed, he turned to look at me and jolted up in astonishment.

            “Are you really here?” He whispered, eyes trailing down which caused me to lift my hands. Blood coated and dripped from my entire front, bleeding along the dress and trailing down my fingertips. The same fingertips traced across Loki’s lips as I crawled into his bed to mount him. His tongue swept out to lick the pads of my skin and I bunched up my dress when he reached to adjust his pants. My dress slipped from my arms as I sank down onto him; blood poured from the walls around us to fill the pristine floor. Bleeding into the bed around us, my back arched. We moved in slow motions, rocking like waves. His pale skin was coated as it splashed around us and he trailed his sticky hands along my sides; thin fingers pressing into my flesh. Loki came up to hold me closer, lips against my chest and I let my wet hands slide over his hair before I pressed him down. A sound squelched when he smacked to the bloody mattress.

            “ _Look at you_ ,” his familiar words hit my heart, “ _look at me._ ”

            “Close your eyes,” I uttered in the red light. The blood pooled around the bed where our hips met. “Let me love you. Hold you…” A knife drew from my skirts when his eyes fluttered closed. I was no longer in full control of my own dream.

            “Stay,” he begged softly, “stay or I will be alone.”

            “You’re not alone, Loki,” my heavy breath caused him to gaze up at me in horror. My head cocked slowly to one side. “You have me.” The knife drew instead deep into my heart, blood began to tumble when my fingertips clawed into his chest next. Skin ripped and Loki’s pristine ribcage greeted me with an eager heart beating wildly under it. “ _Take me inside you,_ ” I whisper through his gasping. The knife swiftly ripped from my chest before my own blood filled between his insides. Loki reached up to stop this but I took his hand and pressed it to my face, cherishing the way his skin felt against mine. Briefly, I took one finger into my mouth to suckle it before my back arched, hair fanning out. My hand skimmed under his ribcage to caress his heart before I tugged and brought it to my lips. Our gazes drew together when I took my first bite and jolted awake in the darkness of Thor’s room.

            Somewhere across Asgard, a lone prince screamed himself awake in his own cell.

            “Thor,” I exhaled, realizing that he was lying next to me in a large heap atop the covers. I shifted closer to him and touched his face. Thor, on not so rare occasions, also dreamed of his brother. Of old times. Of Valhalla itself. Days when we were smiling without force and together. Other times it was Earth. The horrors we encountered together in both realms. Playing my part in this fairy tale, I leaned down and kissed his lips in a motion that was more curious than anything. Thor exhaled and tiredly brought his hand up, lips tugging.

            “ _Jane_ ,” he sighed as my breath caught, eyes glinting with a smirk that couldn’t reach my face.

            “Just me, my  _love_ ,” I traced one finger from his temple to his brow and down his nose. Blue eyes opened and Thor sat up in a quick motion.

            “Forgive me,” he cleared his scratched throat and blinked.

            “I do not understand how you can sit here while the bifrost is open with the person you wish to see at the end of it.” I think my words inspired heat because he took my jaw to make me look at him when I tried to turn away.

            “Yes,” he nodded as if to reprimand me and flickered his eyes across my own, “Yes, you do.” Thor felt of arousal so I touched his thigh. “I am with you. Say it.”

            “You are with me,” I whispered and he let me go.

            “A spent a mere few days on Earth when I first came. I cannot live in those few days any longer.”

            “Often a few days is all it can take,” I shifted so our legs touched. We both were still in our clothing from the previous day. “I’ve lived in my own head for most of my life… Did you march into the throne room?”

            “Yes.”

            “Did you defend me?”

            “Yes.”

            “Were you very rapidly shown out after?”

            “Yes,” Thor put up one finger. “I argued that the stone was too dangerous and if would not look good if my future Queen was feared. They disagreed and believed the people, while they fear you, also will love you. They see a kindness and compassion with all that power still…and a weapon.” Briefly, I wondered if a deep, well hidden part of Thor was envious with the way the advisers and war council spoke of me.

            “What do you see?” I asked then and Thor studied me.

            “A women who can make her own choices.” Thor turned his head and looked out the window. It wasn’t often I saw the inside of his room. Lavish in furs and mounted weapons. Trophies from across the years.

            “We have to stay ourselves,” I swallowed, “but, we must still be what Asgard needs. We cannot stop it...whatever this becomes.”

            “You would disappear into the throne room and interrogate captures. Grant them a slow or quick death.”

            “Not unless someone grants them the mercy of a quicker death in battle,” I stared at Thor and my fingers drummed against his inner thigh. “No matter…they are terrible people. I have felt their evil and let it inside me. I am terrible too. In truth, these battles driving on are the reason we are not married…” My breath caught and I tried to smile. “Hey…I’ve realized it. Maybe the stone will take me before I can take you.” My eyes watered and Thor furrowed his brow, touching the back of my head to bring me to his chest. I forced myself not to weep, I couldn’t now but I allowed the embrace regardless. “Why do you think some young eat their mothers and vise versa soon after they are brought into the world?” I clenched my teeth and swallowed the tears back as I gripped to Thor’s tunic. When he didn’t answer my question, I let myself sag before I said. “I am fine…I just miss Alistair. That’s all.”

            “I know.” Thor lied. “I’m sure.”

** ** **

            A week later, I walked with slow steps toward Loki’s cell and clasped my hands in the shadows when I was met with a surprising sight. I’d heard the soft moans first before the sounds of skin smacking lightly began. Loki’s clothing hung loose as he pushed an untouched meal aside and eagerly thrust his hips back against Asmund; leaning over the table to cry out softly. Asmund was gasping, still mostly dressed with his pants sagging while he held Loki’s hips and pumped at a quick pace. His hand tenderly skimmed under Loki’s shirt before he caress the side of his face. Loki took two fingers into his eager mouth and the motion swelled anger inside me before I realized Loki had lifted his gaze to meet mine. Composing myself, I tilted my head up and my lips tugged as I stepped out of the shadows and into the cell.

            “ _However_ , did you con your way inside here? Ah, you delivered Loki’s meal and… _enjoyed_  it with him.” I smiled when Asmund yanked back and Loki chuckled, breathless. “No, don’t stop on my account.”

            “My lady, forgive me…I…he…”

            “Continue, please,” I urged sweetly. “Finish off. If Loki consents.”

            “Oh, I do,” Loki licked his lips and embarrassment gripped the guard.

            “As you were… You looked to be enjoying him.” I insisted and shaken hands took Loki’s hips. A muffle groan sounded while he pressed his mouth into his sleeve when Asmund forced himself to move, awkwardly now. “There… Isn’t that better? You wanted him so badly, I would be so rude of me to not let you finish. Not as if Loki is in any prior relationships.”

            “Please,” he stuttered, “I am sorry.”

            “No, you’re not sorry. Asgardians like to fuck, I understand this much.” I took a seat in front of the table and leaned next to Loki’s panting form. “Let me guess…Loki seduced you with sensual words.  _Look at me!_ ” I smacked the table and he jumped, Loki cried out in pleasure as the guard tilted his head toward me to meet my eyes. “Loki seduced you. Made you feel good about yourself. He always had a talent with words. Silvertongue, they called him and I can attest. No mouth in Asgard has made me come harder, I'm surprised you didn't put your cock in that first. I've seen Loki do it to another man, he's talented and you've missed out.” I stood and ran my hand through Asmund’s hair, pushing his head playfully with some force. “Loki must have made you feel better than your spouse, I’m sure. You have one?”

            “Please.” He begged again, trying not to gasp as I watched his face.

            “You see,” I ignored him, “Loki thought that in letting you fuck him…he could fuck me in return. Metaphorically speaking. But, Loki, being a sad, pale thing of nightmares, he didn’t consider that maybe I can’t be fucked. Not by his sorry ass, which I’m sure is gripping your cock very pleasurably right now with every thrust of your hips. Consider me not fucked. I am  _unfuckable_  to him and the rest of this realm. Can you comprehend that?”

            “ _Unfuckable_ , that’s a fun, made-up word.” Loki laughed, breathless and gripped the table.

            “Shut it and keep moaning.” I twisted his head forcefully to the side and he arched.

            “Loki, here, while I’m sure he promised you favors of comfort and solace and pleasure…went to a few other unsavory beings and opened his legs for the same thing.” I grinned and Loki’s head snapped back to me. “Oh, you think I didn’t know about the many others you spread your legs for, for relief and rewards and crippling loneliness. Think I didn’t know about the one you paid to cast an illusion on so they’d look like me.”

            “ _Bitch._ ” He moaned.

            “I can’t…” Asmund yanked away and jerked his pants up as I backed him toward the wall.

            “Not having fun anymore?” I smacked the wall by his head and he screamed in fear, crying now. “You’re going to leave Loki unsatisfied? Although, it won’t be a huge change. In his shame, he hasn’t gotten off properly in over a year.” Loki growled behind me but I ignored him.

            “I won’t…” Asmund shook his head and I nodded.

            “Exactly, you won’t ever set foot in here again.” I kneeled when he slid down. “Loki is sexually off-limits to everyone. All right? You’re going to spread the word just like Bjorn and then you’re going to go to Ylva and Odin for a transfer. Somewhere far away where you can work on your family life too. All right? Nod quickly now.” Asmund did and I overrode the shield so he could make a quick exit before bringing it back up to approach Loki on the table still. He breathed heavily and stood taller to fix his pants back up.

            “You’re no fun,” he smoothed his hands over his black hair and I slid back into my seat.

            “You sure can pick them.” I crossed my arms and leaned back so he slipped into his chair, hissing on his bottom. “It was a good attempt. Wait, no it wasn’t.”

            “You know…” Loki leaned forward and adjusted himself, uncomfortable in his seat still, causing me to raise an eyebrow. “If you’re so jealous, I could spare a few minutes for your  _pleasure_  as well.” My sweet, fallen prince turned on the charm and I rolled my eyes at him.

            “Few minutes? Have you really gotten that bad at sex?” I  _tsked_  softly at him. “Why, Loki, perhaps you should work on that with yourself while you’re in here. You have all the time in the world, I’m sure. Don’t touch anyone else. The guards here are uninspired and I’m not in the mood to mop up a mess.”

            “He was touching me as well,” Loki countered. “Little clumsy and shy, but I think I got him to relax until you showed your face. I’m sure you remember what it was like when we first got intimate. You were shy and clumsy as well…looking through dirty romance novels to gather up some nerve. You worried about your size, scars, and performance. While I longed to parade you around Asgard, hand in hand, because I got to be with the woman I loved most. And she is beautiful.” When he grew truly wistful, my guard went up fully. I could not partake in such things. But, I felt myself warm as I stared at Loki’s profile when he looked at the wall and leaned back to smirk softly. “Silly girl…you captivated me, even then, without knowing it.” Loki’s green eyes shifted to my brown ones. We stared at each other before my face snapped to the side and I stood up.

            “They won’t send up another meal for you so I hope cold, floor food will suffice tonight,” I turned and closed my eyes; back hunched slightly when my fists clenched. I was not a shy, clumsy, silly, captivating girl anymore. I was a raging monster with everything and nothing to lose. I was on the cusp of becoming what I feared most. And Loki… No matter what I became, he once vowed to love me regardless. He just wanted me; or so he said. But, those moments were long past. Some dead things cannot be revived. Not really. “Stay away from guards,” I muttered while I paced out but Loki stood and beckoned me back.

            “You forgot your bag,” he picked it up and held it toward the shield with his eyes trained on mine.  _Sweetheart_  lingered on his tongue but never left his mouth. With a hard stare, I reached past the barrier to take it and felt his pointer finger trace across my scarred wrist when he touched my hand briefly. Affection gripped me and I swallowed it down like I was consuming the mind stone all over again. I turned and left him standing there without another word, pausing only when I stood next to Garth at the very end of the hallway by the staircases.

            “Garth, you are a gem among cow pies here,” my smile fell slowly and I stared at him. He merely looked back, nodding once. “ _Don’t_  disappoint me.”

            “Not to worry, my lady,” he bowed his head and continued to patrol the halls.

            I didn’t spare Loki another glance that day.

** *** ***

            Dipping my blood covered hands into a wash basin, I cleansed my skin of the stench. An adviser named Colborn uncrossed his arms at me.

            “And where did he bury the bodies?” He asked, taking notes down.

            “He didn’t, he burned them,” I wiped my hands down. “He talked briefly about a nameless cult. Doing rituals at night with animals. Could be the same group harassing towns and breaking into our stables.”

            “What happened in the stables was an accident.”

            “Heimdall stated that two cloaked men killed and carved up two horses. Sleipnir scared them off but was wounded. The King would not like to lose his favorite horse.” I hinted and Colborn paused.

            “We’ll look into it. Probably a group of thugs, I’d hardly call it a cult.”

            “They carved that marking into the wall, any idea of what it means?” I tilted my head and he shook his.

            “When did the man you interrogated perish?”

            “Three minutes past six in the morning,” I finished wiping my hands and still smelled lingering blood. “There’s nothing else I can tell you.”

            “I’ll file the report,” he nodded. “Good work.”

            “Right.” Numb, I turned and made my way out toward my room in quiet steps, unlocking the door to see a welcomed face. “Elise, you don’t have to make the bed,” I chuckled when she looked up.

            “As if I can,” she giggled, “Naaki won’t move from the middle of it.” My bald cat sat lazily at the center and Elise playfully covered her with blankets. “You see?” The cat made no move to get up.

            “I’m jealous,” I dug Naaki out and held her close, yawning.

            “Early morning?” She clasped her hands and I nodded.

            “Too early,” I plopped against my couch.

            “About what happened in the stables yesterday…” Elise paused and shifted forward, hand skimming over her artificial limb. “Did they find anyone?”

            “No, but, I’m certain it’s connected to the break in at Alistair’s farm. A few animals slaughtered…and that mark.”

            “Moira, Faleen, and I asked about it in a few shops. Nothing,” Elise slid down next to me. “They found some animal bodies in the forests though…skinned alive and hung from trees.”

            “The horses had patches of skin taken…Sleipnir’s lucky he…” I sighed audibly and shook my head. “I should tell Loki about what happened. He loves Sleipnir. Are you going to the healing room today when I leave?”

            “Yes,” she smiled, “I’ve been helping Faleen a lot in prosthetics.”

            “I’m glad… I’m not very good at keeping ladies-in-waiting busy anymore,” I chuckled and she smiled.

            “No, you’re not. You won’t even let me make the bed or get you things half the time. Part of my job.”

            “Stay safe today,” I kissed Naaki’s head and stood up to let her climb back onto my pillow. “Oh, has she still been hiding mice under my bed?”

            “Actually, I think she made a friend in one because I caught her sharing her water dish with a fat mouse the other day. I chased it away and she wasn’t grateful.”

            “ _Lovely_ ,” I rubbed my head, picking up my bag and a cloak. “And what do you have to say for yourself?” I looked at Naaki and she yawned, rolling over to sprawl out. “You best start contributing around here,” we laughed, leaving the room. I locked my door and gripped my chest when a sharp pain took my next breath. Swallowing, I straightened up and Elise sounded behind me.

            “Are you all right?” She asked and a smile reached my face when I turned.

            “Yes,” My chest burned. “Just in thought. Let me know if you find out anything else about this cult. I’ll probably go to the library when I find the time.”

            “See you later then,” Elise smiled at me when we parted ways. I pulled my cloak closer as I got outside and hurried into the prisons.

            “Loki,” I pulled off my cloak to drape it over a chair.

            “You didn’t visit me yesterday,” he sat on his bed with a book in hand. “Advisers have you busy?”

            “Yes.” I answer shortly and pulled a large, green cloak from my bag. “From Frigga. It’s getting colder outside.”

            “I had not noticed,” Loki replied, even and calm. He smirked when I tossed the fabric into his lap. “Tired, are we? Long night?”

            “I’m mostly here to tell you,” I slipped into a chair and my body thanked me for it, “that there was break in at the stables.” Loki’s head perked up at that before he slipped off his bed to sit across from me. “Two horses were carved up… Nearly skinned.”

            “Sleipnir?” He urged.

            “Wounded but fine,” I paused. “I put a good healer on him. He frightened them off.” Loki gave a soft sigh and leaned back, eyes flickering to mine as if to thank me wordlessly. “Loki, this isn’t random. There have been other reports of shrouded men breaking in at other farms. Animals stolen or slaughtered. With the constant battles, we can’t investigate properly beyond Odin issuing a curfew for some towns. Heimdall has turned his gaze but he cannot focus on such things with the war. Do you recognize this mark?” I slid a paper toward him and he leaned back with a look of pure pride.

            “You’re here for my opinion.” Long fingers clasped together on his stomach.

            “I don’t doubt that you’ve read every damn book in Asgard and you’re the kind of creep who’d know about this dark nonsense.” I quirked up my eyebrow and he licked his lips, eager.

            “You want my help and you think it’ll come free,” Loki was enjoying this.

            “I don’t  _need_  you,” I about snapped and Loki cocked his head. “I merely thought it was worth it to ask since I’m here.”

            “Well,” he slid the paper back. “Consider my assistance not available until you’re ready to give as well.”

            “I could force it from you,” I threatened softly and he smiled sweetly at me.

            “Yes, you could. But, even then, you know you won’t fully get what you want unless I give it willingly. You don’t know where to start or what you are looking for. I do not have the facts. Just intrigue.” Loki crossed his arms. “How desperate are you for my help now?”

            “You like people desperate.” I shoved my things back into my bag.

            “You could say that.”

            “You know,” I slid forward, “It’d be a shame to lose that nice bed with winter coming for us. I can think of a few delightful prisoners who might enjoy it more than you. “

            “Threatening me is inspired but…not desperate enough. Run along, sweetheart. Come back when you’re good and hopeless.” Loki stood and clasped his hands behind his back as I got up to stare at his back. He was good, I wouldn’t admit it.

            “I’ll be back.”

            “I’m counting on it.”

** ** **

            “Wake up,” someone shook my shoulder and I yanked from the table I was on, ready to strike whomever grabbed at me. “Hey!” They exclaimed and I softened, blinking.

            “Thor… Moira? Why are you in my room?” I leaned over to cross my arms and put my head back down to sleep.

            “You’re in the library…” Moira spoke and I shot up again.

            “Oh…I am.” I pulled a paper from my hair and smoothed my locks down. “What time is it?”

            “Eight in the morning.” Thor trailed his hand over the books I’d been going through. “Cults.”

            “What happened?” I rubbed my eyes and blinked. “Why are you both here?”

            “You’re right to look into this,” Thor paused. “There was an attempted murder. A farmer. He’s in the healing room with his family. Said men held him down and…tried to sacrifice him. Skinned pieces of flesh from his chest. He’s shaken but responding well now. Happy to be alive.”

            “Gods, what the hell is happening in Asgard?” I groaned out and Moira sat next to me. “Should I go see him?”

            “The healers have taken care of it, but that is a kind offer,” Thor replied.

            “With what happened on Midgard." Moira began. "Every enemy we have is coming out of hiding. Bold and thinking they can do what Loki could not. This cult…I’ve asked around town and one shopkeeper told me they’re famous for their skinning rituals. It’s a means to enter a state of euphoria and gain power.”

            “A pain worshiping cult?” Thor asked, brow lifting.

            “ _Outstanding_ ,” I got up and rubbed my chest.

            “Father and Mother are making a better curfew but that won’t be enough.” Thor clasped his hands. “The warriors are going to meet to speak about this. You should be there.”

            “Right,” I began to follow them out but my world wasn’t done torturing me. A guard jogged toward us and bowed to Thor.

            “My lady, there is a girl here to see you. Frantic she was.”

            “Elise?” I asked, waking up fully.

            “No, had a funny name. She practically crashed a vehicle into the palace garden. The Queen was attempting to calm her when-”

            “Where is she?” I cut over him.

            “The Queen’s study now. Screaming about something.”

            “Go to the meeting without me while I handle this,” I looked at Thor and touched Moira’s arm. “Meet me after.” My legs picked up into a sprint until I arrived and pushed my way into the open study. A body crashed into mine, hands gripping my arms. “Elpis…”

            “He’s never that late. He hasn’t come home!” She cried, hands clawing at me until I brought her to the floor.

            “Breathe,” I took her shoulders and Frigga kneeled behind her to hold her.

            “Tell her what you told me, my dear,” Frigga eased and Elpis shook with a sob.

            “Alistair. He’s gone. He promised me he won’t disappear on us. Not again. He said he wasn’t gambling anymore. He was taken, I know it…the dogs…two dead. Skinned.” My heart grew frozen before it dropped within me.

            “When?” I urged, taking her face. I saw Alistair's smile before he left to go check the barn in her head.

            “Last night! My family is out looking but I had to find you, I ran away. Please, if you still hold any affections for him…find him. Find my brother.” Elpis fell toward my chest and cried in my arms. I looked up at Frigga with wide eyes, swallowing my own emotions. This was happening too fast. I should not have let Alistair go. I should have gone to him when I guessed the cult was connected to the break in.

            “My Queen, she must be taken home. I swear, I’ll do anything in my power to find Alistair. I promise, Elpis,” I held her back to look at her face. “I’ll bring him home to you.”

            “Come with me, darling,” Frigga got Elpis to stand. “I’ll make you some tea and you will rest before I escort you home.”

            “I have to find him,” I raced from the palace into the snow as it began to fall heavily. “I need a vehicle. Prep one.”

            “My lady…the cold,” the boy began as he untied a vehicle for me. Someone called my name and I paused as Thor, the Warriors Three, and Sif jogged toward me.

            “I’m going to look for him.”

            “You’ll be searching blind. He could be anywhere,” Thor took my arm but I shrugged him off.

            “They won’t give me warriors to assist, I’ll go alone.” I countered.

            “They won’t give you that, but we’ll help regardless,” Sif rounded to stop me. "Stop this and figure it first."

            “He’s my friend!” I snapped, heart sinking back into my chest as they all paused. Thor’s gaze found mine when I looked back. “I have to find him…”

            “We will,” Fandral took my shoulder. “Together. You need us with you. Give us tasks to do.”

            “You lead,” Thor beckoned and I exhaled against the cold.

            “Hogun and Volstagg, scout out and see when you find,” I began finally and my friends looked encouraged. “Sif, go speak with Heimdall, see what you find out from him, perhaps he saw something. Fandral and Thor, gather what evidence you can from that farmer in the healing room, I need anything I can get on this cult. Where they’re hiding for one. If they took Alistair, we don’t have much time. We’ll meet back here in an hour.”

            “What will you do?” Thor asked as I turned.

            “To find someone who can give me answers,” I clenched my fists and we all parted.

            Yes. I felt hopeless.

            It was time.

** ** **

            “Ah. You return…” Loki took in my state, wet with snow as I entered to see him. “You look divine.”

            “Shut up,” I pointed and he seated himself. “Alistair is missing and we think he was taken from his farm by that damned cult. I need everything you know and I’ll give you whatever you want in return.”

            “Anything I want,” Loki mused. “My favorite words to hear.” He stood up and clasped his hands.

            “I won’t help you escape but there are a lot of perks I can offer that you cannot otherwise gain. Name them and give me information.”

            “First, I ask that you answer every question I ask you. None of this horse shit you spew on the regular. In return, I’ll reveal to you what I know. Show me your files so far.” Loki didn’t blink when I dropped a pad on the table. He brought the hologram up and flicked through it. “They likely use ancient tools. Something you couldn’t find in a normal shop. Any seedy shopkeeper might be able to identify it from those cuts.”

            “Where can I find them?” I asked and Loki put up one finger.

            “Ah. My terms,” he drew closer to me. “As you saw the other day…I can be very lonely in here.”

            “I’m not smuggling a paid sex worker in here for you,” I cut over him and he smirked.

            “I want your body. Once a month when I see fit.”

            “Once a month,” I repeated and he nodded, lips tugging.

            “At least once a month. You reserve the right to offer more.” He shrugged. "For...perhaps a year?"

            “I reserve the right to say no,” I countered.

            “As you always do,” Loki slid closer to me. “This guard, the handsome one. He won’t be looking handsome if you wait longer to find him.”

            “Done. Once a month. My clothing stays mostly on and you can’t kiss me on the mouth…and you have to shield us with an illusion.” I held out my hand and Loki hesitated before taking it. He wasn’t lying. I tried to find more answers but he yanked away easily.

            “Fine.” His smile grew as he looked me up and down. “This cult, they stand out from others. I’m sure you’ve noticed their…obsession with pain. Remember when you used to harm yourself…?”

            “Loki…” I threatened him but he continued.

            “Where did you go to do it?” He shrugged

            “Somewhere…” I slid into a chair as he did. “Somewhere I could be alone. Where no one would hear or find me.”

            “Where in Asgard can you get such privacy?” Loki tilted his head. “Certainly not a building…not the forest. Perhaps a cave. Or perhaps…you go underground. Harder to see and be seen.”

            “The ancient catacombs are too dangerous and surrounded with...dark magic.” I sat up and Loki smirked wider.

            “Not if you know where you’re going. Not if you have a map.” Loki leaned forward. “My study. If you look hard enough…you might find one.”

            “Yes, I think I know the one. I'll bring it back and you mark the openings. We have a few minutes. You’re an ass.” I replied and Loki chuckled at me fully.

            “Yes, I know.” He stood when I did. “Don’t forget our deal.”

            “What can we expect from this cult?”

            “If you interrupted a session…I’m certain that they’ll be frenzied. Bloodlust. Fascinating to observe in person, I'm jealous.” Loki paused. “The leader must die of course. They’ll swing ancient knifes at you and few may even laugh as you inflict pain on them. The map you need is under a few pegs to the wall. Old and messy but it will suffice. Come back when you retrieve the handsome guard if you can. I shall be eagerly awaiting you.”

            “If your words lead to Alistair’s safe return, I’ll give you what you want.” I turned, picking up my things, and he stopped me.

            “We didn’t agree on that part.”

            “Looks like you don’t have a choice,” I left the cell and Loki drew close to the shield.

            “Bring me the map. Fight well, sweetheart.” He uttered as I raced out. I’d find Alistair. I’d kill anything in my path to do so.

** ** **

            “…So, what did he want from you?” Thor pulled me aside. Cold air whirled past us on our vehicle. He, Sif, and I were in one and the Warriors Three led another next to us.

            “ _Hm_?” I played dumb but Thor raised his brow. Ahead, Sif was driving us toward our destination as I looked over the map.

            “You went to Loki…did you not? Suddenly found this in his old quarters. I know him and I know he didn’t offer it for free.” Thor touched my arm and I shrugged.

            “I persuaded him.” Yellow light surged from my right hand briefly and Thor exhaled. “I think the next entrance us up there, near the rocks. Bring us low. I feel souls under this Earth but I do not feel Alistair.”

            "Magic leaves a burnt smell in the air even now." Hogun remarked.

            “Does this map say how to enter these caves? Rest were caved in.” Sif asked as she brought us down.

            “Bet they locked it up tight,” Fandral called when their vehicle came down. I jumped out and looked around, sweeping snow aside with magic in a rush.

            “This is the mark is circled on the map,” I held it up and handed it to Hogun. Brushing snow off a round rock shaped into a cylinder, I noticed a brown handprint chipping off the stone and exhaled. “An offering tablet.”

            “They want blood?” Thor stepped forward, dagger in hand as I swept snow from the stones around our feet.

            “Yes, we can catch-” I stopped when Thor sliced open his palm and let the blood drip onto the stone.

            “No doubt royal blood will do,” he muttered, wrapping his hand after. The stones shook and we all backed up before the floor slipped down around us to create a path into the ground. An opening revealed itself and Thor touched my shoulder.

            “I’ll go first,” I whispered, blade ready. Magic twirled up my left hand. Fury filled my veins when the darkness greeted me before my blade hand illuminated with light. My friends trekked quietly behind me and Fandral noticed the many bones and skulls embedded into the walls.

            “Unusual décor,” he mused sarcastically and I pressed him back when footsteps sounded. We shifted down another hallway when they drew closer until a man in red passed. Thor grabbed him, muffling his cry before shoving him against the wall. I held my blade to his throat and hushed him.

            “Alistair. The man your lot took off a farm. Brown eyes and hair. Where is he?” I hissed. “Scream and I’ll kill you,” I nodded for Thor to remove his hand. The man chanted something under his breath and I grabbed him to slam him into the floor. Dazed, he groaned and shifted when I came over him, eyes flashing black and bright yellow.

            “Stop,” Thor took my wrist when I raised my hand. The stone begged to take him, children tugging at my clothing for treats.

            “If I control him, he’ll be ours to use,” I furrowed my brow.

            “I know,” Thor paused. “You cannot become that.”

            “Why?” I held the man down.  _Because it is easy and not right. Because I told myself I wouldn’t. Because I want to. Because eventually, I’ll break that word._

“The stone will take you completely,” Thor’s grip loosened and my hand dropped. Perhaps, I wanted it to. 

            “We save Alistair.” I told myself. “Save him. Kill them all.”

            The man under me didn’t scream when I ripped the answer form his head and eased my blade into his temple.

** ** **

            “There,” Sif took my arm and we hid behind a cult tablet. The room was large and smelt like burnt flesh. A fire boomed at the center as men and women gathered around it to pray. Dead animals littered the room, bugs crawling over them. I eyed a body tied up between two posts. Alistair’s chest heaved and my breath came back, his head was drooped while his body slicked in sweat. Trembling, blood dripped from his wrists as the ropes chafed his skin and his body weight pulled him down.

            My friends gathered and crept behind the stones, readying themselves to ambush the crowd but my eyes stayed locked on Alistair. A leader chanted and roused cries of delight from his followers. Unable to contain myself when I saw Alistair moan in pain, I leapt over the rocks and came forward. Magic tossed the leader from his pedestal before I pushed the cult member who charged me into the fire.

            “Intruders, my friends!” The leader stood, calling out. “Kill them!” Bloodshed followed as Thor led everyone into battle. I stabbed a follower in the throat and jerked him to the side to knock a woman over. They laughed and shrieked in a frenzied state of drunkenness. I was almost jealous. The leader sneered at me so I rushed toward him. His cult dwindled before he jerked up an ancient embalming tool and my hand shot out toward him.

            “No!” I cried when he drew closer to Alistair’s beaten form. I jumped and knocked the leader over, my palm made contact with his face and he laughed at me. Kicking me off, we both sprang up and my hand shot out again as he raised the blade.

            Then, he froze and my hand trembled.

            Yellow light filled his eyes as tears fell from mine.

             _Forgive me, Thor. Or don't._

            He blinked at me and stepped forward, submissive and I crumbled with an angry sob. Thor called my name as I held control over the man.

             _Take the blade in your hand_

_Peel your skin off._

_Do it._

_Do it for me._

_Show me how good you are._

            He ripped off his robe, body trembling before the blade came to his chest. He pressed down, cutting into flesh and muscle. He stared at me the entire time, no sound, and no fight. His fingers slipped in to tug at his skin when the blade began to rip patches off. Eerie yellow eyes bore into mine as he fell back when my hand dropped. The leader went for his face next and my back turned to cut Alistair’s ropes.

            “Princess…” He exhaled, raising his head while I clawed the tiesform his wrists. A wave of trauma billowed from him and I yanked back for a second. It stung.

            “Alistair. I’ve got you. You’re going to be…” A gasp hitched up in my throat when I saw his bare back. Patches of skin had been stripped away, leaving the tissue and muscle underneath exposed. I pulled at the rest of his bindings to hide my horror and he collapsed into my arms.

            “ _Ah_!” His pained expression looked up to see me so I took his hand in mine, kissing the knuckles.

            “Hold to me. As tight as you can,” I closed my eyes and took the pain, straining slightly. The leader behind him ripped his lips from his face. His cheeks tore and my fury grew.

            “ _Bleed_ ,” I hissed at him and he slit his own throat open. Our connection snapped and a thin trail of blood slipped from my nose; my eyes grew wide. I touched Alistair’s hair and looked at him with a gentler expression. “We’re going to get you out of here.” Thor got to us first and dropped a bloodied Mjolnir next to me. I saw him flicker his gaze to the leader and what I’d done to him.

            Thor didn’t comment. Not now.

            “He needs the healing room,” I felt inside Alistair the horrors of what he’d been through. The agony. The chanting. The way they tried to brainwash him. The torture. I cradled his head to my neck as Thor’s gasp caught when he saw his back. “He cannot feel it as long as he holds to me.” I shrugged off my cloak and set it around Alistair. The veins under my wrist and up my forearm surged black briefly.

            “Keep him awake,” Thor kneeled to observe Alistair’s face. “We've got you, mate.” Alistair couldn’t speak, dazed and shaken.

            “Let me,” Volstagg helped me pick Alistair’s body up and we carried him away.

            I never let his hand go. Not even in the healing room.

            He shook and sobbed and fought against healers.

            It was tedious work to patch his back up, scars lined it like a flesh quilt.

            “He cannot feel anything, we have him on heavy medication,” Elisif offered, touching Alistair’s head with light fingers. “You can go if you wish.”

            “Alistair has stayed by my side for months,” I replied softly. “It would be wrong of me to leave his now.” Elisif’s lips quirked up at me before she rubbed my shoulder.

            “The Queen herself went to inform his family. They cannot leave their city yet but I’m certain he will send word of what he wishes to do when he wakes.”

            “Thank you, Elisif. Thank all the healers for the work they did today.” I massaged Alistair’s knuckles with my fingers.

            “You’re a good person,” she smoothed her hand over my hair and turned to go. Her words lingered in the air and I closed my eyes after the door shut to begin sobbing softly.

** ** **

            Alistair awoke early in the morning, dark eyes darted to me as I yawned and got up when he jostled. I touched his forehead and felt no trace of a fever. Only internal trauma licking at his bones in calculated motions.

            “Can you…” he sighed. “Can you see in my head? What happened to me…”

            “Yes,” I didn’t lie. “I saw all of it in little pieces. I can’t…fully control what I first see when I touch people. It just happens. They, uh, sent word to your family. Elpis ran away to the palace and told me you’d gone missing. They’re awaiting your word on what you wish to do.”

            “The cult no longer puts our farm in danger. I can resume my duties here,” Alistair tried to bring his himself up and strained so I helped him.

            “I think that you should go back-”

            “Don’t…” He cut over me, shaking his head. “Do not do this.”

            “We’ll talk about it when you’re better. I wanted to see you through the night and ensure you woke well.” I paused. “Elpis practically crashed into Frigga’s garden trying to get to me. She wasn’t hurt. The Queen brought her home.”

            “I am thankful,” Alistair touched my chin with one finger when I lowered my gaze. “Thank you as well, for coming after me. I would not have lasted much longer. I mean it. You did well, princess.” I touched his hand to bring it back down and swallowed.

            “I had help,” I stood and paused to kiss his hair. He was hurting badly on the inside but his sense of duty was trying so hard to keep control. Alistair would get worse before he got better and I could see him through that. “I’ll have some food sent and Elisif will likely check on you when I leave.” I wondered if he remembered everything when we saved him. I glanced down at my hands and clasped them. “Get well, guard.” I stood taller and his tired eyes tried to brighten at me.

            “If you wish it, princess.”

** ** **

            A spent an hour under a shower nozzle and scrubbed my skin until my body was glowing and pink. The walk into the prisons was short but Loki was awake and ready for the day when I stepped toward his cell. He stood and didn’t step closer when I entered the barrier.

            “Ah, you found him. But, you don’t appear too happy.”

            “He’s going to have a rough time mentally. I felt it.” I stared at him briefly. “Regardless, I am here to thank you.” I set my bag aside as sat at the table with Loki following. “Here,” I pulled some lavish furs from it, “your favorite fur cloak, the one that tickled and annoyed me so.” I wish I hadn't said that. It felt too personal.

            “Appreciated,” Loki took it and hung it around his chair, fingers traced wistful lines into the fabric. “I know that look. You’re struggling with something.”

            “It was stressful getting Alistair back and he’s hurting and I am unable to ease his mental pain now,” I paused, picking up a notepad to write observations on.

            “All these weeks and you’re still telling lies to my face,” Loki tilted his head and leaned forward to watch me write. “We had a deal. What did you do?”

            “Hm?” I looked up and Loki didn’t falter.

            “You have that same disturbed look on your face you got after you helped that elf take down the Elders. So you must have done something big and  _very_  bad.” Loki drawled on. “Tell me, sweetheart, what promise have you broken to yourself?”

            “In what world should you care?” I countered and wrote idle notes. Loki wasn’t fazed by that.

            “I can guess then. It shall be a game. We can have all sorts of games in here.” He shrugged and touched his knuckles to his lips in deep thought. “Clearly it must be connected to the stone. It’s high on the list of things that disturb your mind.”

            “You have a list?” I scoffed silently.

            “Well, yes, because I know I’m high on it as well,” his smirk almost lifted my spirits. “You’re still fighting to be good. What’s something you can do now that I’m certain you’ve been avoiding? Hm. Oh, I know because I was once able to do it with the scepter. My little sweetie can control drones if she wished through touch. You're still expanding, that much is clear but...this was certain with the mind stone. I imagine the ability from Nerien is...growing with it. The mind stone shocked your abilities to life and you can no longer deny them. Soon you will figure it in full. A true queen bee in this hellish hive. Who did you do it to?”

            “Leader of the cult,” I muttered and Loki chuckled.

            “Do I get a prize for guessing correctly?”

            “It just happened…he was about to kill Alistair and I… It just  _happened_.” Something in me began to unwind in front of Loki. I think he was looking for me to do just that. “You didn’t see what he did to my guard. I made him pick up his own torture tool and skin himself alive. We struggled and,” my voice lowered, “ _it just happened_. Thor didn't want it for me. Because it's a cruel gift and because once the advisers start to let me flourish...I'll rise above the heir of Asgard. I stand on that first step during meetings...he's starting to not bother showing up at, battle is all to him right now. It's easy. It's like fine alcohol. I'm...things happen.”

            “I’m certain they do. Foolish Thor for thinking he's Asgard's gem and savior while war ravages. While you get stronger,” Loki murmured, leaning closer.

            "It's not like that, keep Thor's name out of your mouth."

            “How did it feel?” Loki went on instead. I caved under his soul.

            “ _Amazing_ ,” I breathed, meeting his gaze finally. “Terrifying. I can’t…I can’t let myself fall into that. Never again. I liked it.”  _Never again_  would not come to pass.

            “There you are,” Loki observed me closely and I sat back. “I’d like to exercise our agreement right now.”

            “Now?” The pen slipped from my fingers.

            “Yes, that is what I said.” He stood to pour himself some wine and offered me a glass which I refused. “Suit yourself.” I saw him flick his hand and a spell swept over the room. “There, now no one will see or hear us. Come now, on the table. Unless you refuse.” I exhaled deliberately and pulled my cloak off, rounding the table to lean against the side of it. I crossed my arms and Loki downed his glass.

            “Let’s get this over with,” I stated without joy and Loki chuckled.

            “You know how to get me going,” he stepped closer as if to test me. It was early, no one would bother us. “No enticing strip tease for your prisoner?” I stared at him, one brow lifting and he shrugged.

            “Get in, get out, do what you will,” I sighed. “I started that potion again so come inside if you wish. I’d rather you do that than mess my clothing with seed.”

            “You’re such a romantic,” Loki’s eyebrows lifted as he reached out to touch me, hand skimming my arms. He exhaled like a man who had been drowning and just came up for water. Fingertips shifted to my waist and traced the line of my hips before he came closer. Our lips were inches apart when he reached to give my bottom a squeeze for good measure. My hands clutched the table behind me as he touched me. Coming up to tug at the ties of my shirt, his other hand drummed lightly against the corset piece holding my breasts up. “Look at you. Just as I remember.”

            “New clothing,” I countered and he brushed hair behind my shoulder, tugging my shirt’s top open in a quick motion. His lips lowered to the top of my breast and I forced myself not to touch him. “Don’t you dare leave visible marks on me.”

            “I wouldn’t dream of it,” his hands slid down to my hips before he gave a command. “Table.” I slid up onto the hard surface and he got between my spread legs before I could adjust. Loki didn’t waste any time on foreplay and opened his pants to enter me; moving my underwear aside as my skirt hitched up. He stopped to snap a garter holding my stocking up and moaned low. My breath caught with his when our eyes locked and he whined aloud, hands gripped eagerly to my bottom and hips.

            “Uh,” I offered flatly and he gave me a look, hand skimming to circle my throat gently and I felt his excitement rush as he tried to play it cool. “Oh. Yeah.” My teasing caused him to thrust a little harder into me. I didn’t dare let anything show on my face as I clenched my walls around him playfully. Loki pounded into me and moaned. The table shook under us and my legs abruptly circled my hips to pull him closer. He thought he was in control. “I’ve realized that if I can finished you quickly…you’ll have to wait another month in dissatisfaction.”

            “You don’t want to play this game,” he tried to slow but I was rocking my hips into his as my legs held him deep inside me. Another moan slipped from his lips and I smirked.

            “I think I do,” I arched and rocked, hands planted behind my back until I came forward to kiss a spot on his neck that I knew he loved. Loki gasped and couldn’t hold himself together as he held my hips and thrust with reckless abandon. I worked him easily and felt him struggle before climax involuntarily gripped him early. “There’s the Loki I know well.” Loki’s fingers dug into me. I chuckled and slipped my legs from his hips, humming to myself. He gasped softly and leaned back before I shrugged. “Oops.”

            “That doesn’t count,” he stepped back and yanked his pants up.

            “Oh, Loki, you see…I think it does,” I adjusted my clothing. “Better try again next time.”

            “I’ll have something planned,” he growled, pouring himself more wine.

            “As will I,” my lips split and I winked at him. “Hope you had fun.”

            Loki’s throat vibrated with a huff.

** ** **

            Alistair was often late to meet me in the mornings when the days passed. He barely spoke and his eyes were rimmed red on a daily basis. I didn’t push him, though I wanted to. But, one morning, he didn’t show up at all.

            “Did Alistair show up here?” I tried the healing room first. No one was able to offer assistance. I tried the training grounds and the kitchens. An attendant stated that he’d come in and requested a bottle of our strongest wine, which confused me. “He doesn’t drink,” I replied.

            “I’m certain that it was him…he didn’t look well. Paled and sickly.”

            “Did you see where he was headed?” I tried not to look worried and something about my expression caused the attendant to step away.

            “Outside, toward the forest.” I rushed out after her words, cloak flying behind me as I ran through the thick snow. Everything outside was coated in glittering white when I raced along the trees. 

            “Alistair!” I called out when I was alone, stopping to dart my eyes around. “Alistair!” I tried once more and got no response. I had to think of something else so I stood by a tree and focused myself before bringing my hands up and closing my eyes. Fingers splayed as orange light swirled around them. Magic billowed off my form while I tried to project my mind out to survey the area around me. Trees rustled, animals hid away from the cold, a meadow sat frozen in time with a body sitting next to it.  _There_. My eyes shot open before I was running again, snow crunched under my boots. When I arrived, Alistair was just sitting there, staring at the frozen water. I came to his side and he didn’t turn when I dropped next to him.

            “Too cold for you to be out here,” he stated softly and I exhaled.

            “What are you doing?” I watched him pull his coat closer to himself, hiding something just underneath it.

            “They told me the pain was better. It would set me free. Made me recall every urge and addiction I fought when I was gambling and ruining things for my family.”

            “I saw the things you said to Elpis when you arrived back…and the things you said to your mothers. The promises. I’m so proud of you, Alistair. You can hold onto those.” I reached out to touch his arm and he didn’t shrug me off.

            “I often think it would be better if I disappeared into that again. Away from my family. And you.”

            “You’ve done more good than bad for me,” I turned my head, “and I’ve been a downright brat.” I chuckled, breathless and he turned to stare at me with haunted eyes.

            “They say you can take memories.”

            “Yes.”

            “Will you take mine?” His eyes watered before he added a soft, “please.”

            “No.” I paused. “I thought about it. I really did. When I found you… I considered taking you home and setting you in bed. Pulling your memories of what happened from your brain. Not just that…the memories of me as well and the palace and our trips together. All of it. I wanted you to be with your family and be happy. But, it would be wrong. We helped shape each other, you see. Both of us. It would be so wrong to take that away. Perhaps, I am too selfish.”

            “What use can I offer you now?” His eyes glistened at me.

            “We’re friends, remember?” I scoffed at myself. “You can be my friend and guard. You can also go home and come back when you wish. Our paths crossed for a reason. Souls twisted but didn't join, we could go on from each other. I think we healed each other that year and I wouldn't have made it without you, Alistair. But, if we’re going to get through any of this…I’m going to need you to hand me what you’re hiding in your coat.” Alistair stared at me and I stared back before he slipped the wine bottle out. I nodded and closed my hand around the cool glass; he didn’t let go immediately but released it after a moment. I tossed the bottle into the frozen water and it broke through the surface to float down. “Come, let’s go back.” I stood and offered him my hand, which he took reluctantly. He felt settled. Alistair reached up and traced a scar on my cheek with his thumb before he leaned in to kiss my jaw. I stilled when his arms abruptly went around me to hold me to him. He buried his face in my neck and asked for comfort, which I gave in return.

            “Thank you,” he shuddered against me, sighed my name and my hands skimmed over his back.

            “Let’s go,” I curled my arm in his and led him back.

            We didn’t speak further.

** ** **

            “Pack everything you need?” I leaned against the doorway and Thor’s head lifted.

            “Yes, I think so.”

            “The palace and grounds are going to be positively empty without everyone.”

            “The dwarfs on Nidavellir finally accepted our help. We could be gone a month for this one. Enemies want to get their hands on the weapons and technology. What will you do?”

            “I’m sure I’ll keep busy here. Alistair is visiting his family and Elise is in the healing room. I’ll pay her a visit before I start work elsewhere.” Thor swung a bag over his chest and came forward to take the back of my neck.

            “Come see me off?” He steered me forward, arm shifting around my shoulders.

            “Cannot disappoint my fiancé,” I paused. “We deserve a vacation. How about Earth?”

            “Right,” Thor chuckled and I pushed at him. “Next time."

            “I’ll hold you to that.”

            “I know you shall,” he kissed my head when he got outside as they readied a horse for him. I said my farewells to the warriors and they rode off toward the bifrost. Odin clasped his hands from his spot next to Frigga and I approached them after.

            “Thor is making us all so proud with the work he’s been doing. The realms may find some balance again,” I commented idly. Frigga touched my shoulder and moved to go as I stared at Odin. “My king,” I bowed, “I do miss our occasional conversations. The advisers so often speak  _for_  you when I meet them. Would you like to know how your son is?”

            “If you wish to report on Loki, I will hear it,” Odin replied in an even tone.

            “He’s grown quite pale. Sounds a bit like himself. Restless. He misses his family but will sneer when he hears your names. Guards say that he talks to himself at times when I’m not around. As if someone else has been coming to see him. Strange. Would you not agree?” Odin narrowed his gaze and I nodded before I turned to go after bowing again. “I’ll resume my duties on your word, your majesty. I’m certain you or the advisers will find me if you have…work for me.”

            “Thor was not happy when he found out. Upset the advisers with his shouting.” Odin spoke and I paused.

            “I know it.”

            “The advisers will have work for you in the coming weeks. You must prepare yourself this time. It may be…different. They’ve seen your…full potential.”

            “No one but I can see my full potential. They only see possibilities... And if I say no?”

            “I cannot stop you from refusing. But, the stone strikes fear and awe into the people of Asgard. If they think for a moment that you are not on our side, rapid actions must be taken. If they think you are weakening…far worse actions will ensue. You have the ability to save these nine realms. As King, I must ask it of you.”

            "And as a man? As a father?" I was surprised. Odin had no words. Instead, he touched my face with light fingers. Dropping them before I could feel the depth of regret. “Letting those around me down would consume me as the stone does. I’m sure you understand.” When I turned, Odin spoke my name and I snapped my gaze to his. He hesitated before he lifted his eye to me.

            “I am truly sorry.”

            I didn’t know what he was referring to. It could be a number of things. For a moment, Odin went from the regal King to an old man atoning for his mistakes.

            “We are in the business of living with our choices…my king. All of us.”

** ** **

            “You seem agitated,” I noted as Loki tossed a book aside, going through his things. “Conversation with  _yourself_  turn bad?” He stood and blinked at me before smirking with force.

            “I haven’t a clue of what you’re talking about.”

            I’d known about Frigga’s visits since they began and Loki knew that too. I could see much inside him when we touched. Souls flooded me now.

            “Are you going to keep slamming books around or do you wish to answers all these fun new questions the advisers sent me up with?”

            “Neither,” Loki groaned, falling into his chair. “It’s a new month and I think now is a good time. Wish to help me relax?”

            “You’re no fun,” I slipped a few papers away. “The King and advisers are quite upset you are causing so many wars right now. And yet, they seem eager for Asgard to exercise power.”

            “Bed,” Loki pointed and I stood, ruffling my hands into my hair as I tugged off my boots. A spell shifted over the room before I sat on Loki’s bed, kicking my legs a bit while he poured himself some wine. I watched him drink the whole thing in one swig.

            “Are you really going to stick it to me this time or will it be…cut short again?” I jested lightly and Loki was riled up. He swept me up and dropped me at the center of the bed easily.

            “You won’t have the jump on me this time,” Loki straddled my hips and I let my hands fall by my head. “I’m going to pleasure you until you beg for me.”

            “Oh,” I exhaled as he undid the top clasps of my shirt. He always smirked wider when he saw the chain hanging from it. “So, I was reading this really good book the other day-”

            “Hush,” Loki cut over my rambling and I snickered so he moved down my body. “Open.” My thighs parted before he took my knees and jerked me toward him, shoving my legs further apart.

            “Forceful,” I stared up at the ceiling as his hand skimmed over my stockings. Loki yanked my underwear off and I sighed silently. Fingers caressed the inside of my thighs. "You cannot keep those and...do unsavory things with them."

            “Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. You’re going to writhe and moan and beg when I’m finished with you,” he teased, shifting down to kiss my chest.

            “I’m so hot already,” I offered flatly as he pushed fabric aside to take one nipple in his mouth. I stared up at the stark white ceiling and didn’t react until he began to twist and pull at the sensitive buds. Swallowing, I remained composed so he came up to watch my face. Loki leaned over to suck more forcefully and my hips shifted. “Hey!”

            “You said  _visible_  marks. No one will see these,” he teased, kissing the underside of my breast before suckling. Hands massaged my thighs until he came up to gaze between my legs. “One gold piece says I can make you aroused.”

            “You don’t have any gold to bet with.” I countered, amused and Loki chuckled.

            “I’ll do it for free, then,” his fingers ghosted over my entrance and I stayed still. I felt him trail his soft fingertips along my outer lips before he spread them and I exhaled out my nose. One finger teased at my clit and my eyelashes fluttered before he pressed two fingers into me without warning. My hips jerked at the sensations and his free hand pressed my pelvis down. Loki took his time, fluid motions pumped his fingers in and out and I was unresponsive but my abdomen tingled. “You remember the hours I spent taking care of you?”

            “I remember you leaving.” I about hissed.

            “Hm.” He quirked up one brow and massaged me deeply. One finger shifted above my clit to pull the hood back before another rubbed just under the little bundle. My fingers clasped into fists and Loki knew he’d be getting his way. His fingers curled to put pressure on a sensitive spot inside me before he began to press harder. The finger just under my clit teased it relentlessly, shifting up and down or pressing little circles and my face heated. “Is your blood racing? Oh, so sorry. Am I doing that?” He stopped and I gasped audibly, hips shifted up so he pulled his erection from his pants. I spoke in sighs.

            “I cannot,” Loki settled his cock against my wet lips and I hitched my breath, “ _stand_  you.”

            “Fortunately,” he began to slowly run his girth along me, “you are lying down.” Loki leaned his hands on my thighs to keep them wide apart. He rubbed himself against me. Oh, it felt good. To be here with him. I wasn’t going to last. A part of me liked that but another screamed to get back at him. His tip nudged my clit with every slow rub and I squirmed to the side slightly but his grip kept me in place. Loki drove harder into me, teasing until two finger cupped me and began to rub at a quick pace. The combined sensations spread heat over my frame and my head tipped back. Loki, noticing this, changed his angle to drive roughly into my clit before I gasped loudly, back arching toward him. Pausing, Loki dipped two finger between my legs and brought them toward my face. “And just  _what_  is this?”

            My lips parted to take his fingers in my mouth in response.

            Loki, perfectly content, shifted to enter me and we both moaned out. My hips bucked toward him as he held me down and began to move. I’d lie back and enjoy this but, I had a trick up my sleeve. Once Loki was smug in his position, I moaned out and my eyes rolled back.

            “There you are,” he breathed. “Take what you wish, sweetheart.”

            “Oh,” my chest heaved and eyes slid to him as he thrust into me roughly and stroked the eager bud between my wet lips. “Yes,” I closed my eyes and my back curved, breasts coming forward before I uttered a name that made him pause. “ _Thor_ …”

            “ _What_?” Loki growled, hand surging into my hair and my sly eyes met his.

            “Oh, Thor, I love the way you touch me,” my hands trailed up my chest. “Please,  _Thor_ , don’t stop! I need you.” He said I would moan but it didn’t have to be his name. Loki tugged roughly at my hair before shoving into me as if to punish me. “Yes! Thor! Don’t stop! You're just so good...so _thick.”_ I giggled outward, echoing,

            “I can gag you for this,” Loki was fucking me in a rage, pain and pleasure melted together and I tossed my head back to laugh again.

            “Thor’s name will still,  _oh_ , carry over a gag.”

            “If you think…” Loki threat trailed off as he pleasured me and tried to keep himself going.  _Yes, Loki. Hate me._

            “Yes! Thor! My king!” I drew another angry sound from his lips and the bed shook with a large amount of force. Loki’s hand clamped over my mouth so I struggled and moaned Thor’s name continuously. Pleading and begging for him. Loki pumped between my legs fiercely until he huffed and yanked back. He both breathed heavily before he cradled the back of my head and beckoned for me to just finish him off with my mouth. Triumphed, I swallowed him down and felt his fingers curl into my locks as I bobbed eagerly. Loki’s hips bucked up when he came and I stayed there to collect his seed on my tongue, swallowing until I came up.

            “Was it  _good_  for you?” I pressed my hand into his hair and nudged his head away as I stood to collect my undergarments. Loki shifted to pull his pants up, resigned.

            “Why are you haunting me?” He asked quietly after a moment and I turned. “The stone, when I held it, all you did was haunt me. And now…”

            “The stone touches everyone differently,” I paused, “you know that well.”

            “Yes.” He paused and I went on.

             “Why didn’t you come home? You scoured the damp corners of these realms. Let Thanos and the Chitauri keep you. Those masters who influenced you and who would take your life.”

            “I don’t belong anywhere.”

            “Yet, I was contented you allow you a place in my heart. And I wasn't the only one.” I countered and Loki raised his eyes to mine. “You can look at my face and lie all you wish. I feel the needs and hopes sweeping under your skin. You want to be held and kissed and comforted. You want every piece of what you lost…the things you held once but didn’t cherish as you should have. You wish to be out there seeking knowledge and battling. You wish to have that influence back. Well, Loki, was this all worth it to you?” I spread out my hands and dropped them as he gazed at me with shining, green eyes. “I thought not. I hear the screams of the people I’ve tortured every day. I hear the stone. I hear the voices that have stuck with me since I was young. But, when you passed, I never heard you. Not really. You used to sing to me and I grew reckless, partly as a means to bring that singing back. But, it’s gone. All of it. You could have come back to me and sang…you had the chance to. Multiple times. Thor and I both gave you the chance as well. But, you didn’t. You preyed on mortals and tossed the worlds into pure chaos. You’re not a monster because of that Jotun blood swimming in your cold veins, Loki. You’re a monster because you can do so much good and you choose not to. You chose death and evil. We’re both going to burn.”

            “ _Please_ ,” he uttered after a moment when I turned to go. “Don’t die,” his words struck me so I faced him, “I do not want you to die.” I shrugged at him and tried to go but he pulled me back with a few more syllables. “If you loved me…you’d stop.” Loki’s bright eyes sparkled before one tear rolled down his pale cheek. Another followed and I breathed slowly, stepping toward him.

            “I did once.” My exhale quivered. “You want me to live for you. Not for me.”

            “No,” Loki shook his head. “Selfish as I am. I don’t want the stone to be what takes you. Please. You deserve…so much better. In every part of your life. Don’t let it keep you.” He couldn't live with himself. 

            “I see now what I am going to become. I think we all knew it would rise to this. Odin knew. Why hide?” My fingers clenched together and Loki’s eyes went a little wide. “If I do not become what they need…everything will be lost. It’s the only way to ensure the safety of those around me… Even you. Our warriors can play in harsh battles for eons but to end the wars...we need someone to stand up and be a symbol. Goodbye for now, Loki.” I paused and pulled a small package out of my bag. Settling it on the table, I used magic to reveal a little honeyed cake inside. Loki’s eyes widened in realization as my lips pressed together. “And did you really think I’d forget your Name Day?” I turned and he was helpless as I left the prisons and trekked to the throne room. Odin looked at me gravely so I stood tall to face him and his advisers, eyes lifting in a menacing fashion. “I will do whatever you want.” One adviser stepped forward before he turned to the king as if to ask permission. When Odin nodded, the man smiled at me fully.

            “Prep her.”

** ** **

            It was a week before they transported me like cargo to Nidavellir. Smoke was in the air so I stepped across the burnt ground around me. They’d dressed me well in Asgard colors to play a part. Lush red and golds adorned my frame. Heroic and terrifying. They painted dark colors around my eyes and lips and didn’t bother to cover my scars. Men ushered me to the top of a cliff where the Asgardians tried to reason with a legion of enemies below. They were restless and ready to continue battle. Crowds parted as I was escorted to Thor’s side. He was dirty and upset, but awe filled him when they saw me. I think it took him a moment to recognize me.

            Did I recognize myself?

            “Step aside, my prince,” my escorts, a few advisers, asked and Thor didn’t move. He spoke my name and I didn’t look as I passed him, eyes changing with the stone’s influence to survey the lands below. Dwarfs had touched my shoulder while I’d passed like I was a relic who would bring them good luck. They murmured soft prayers in their mother tongue.

            “Hear us!” Another adviser called to the crowds as they hushed below. “All of you! A new dawn begins. To continue fighting along these lands is to challenge the lands of Asgard, sworn to protect the realms from all evil! We give you our greatest creation! The mind stone dwells within her! Her fury will summon a great cry from across the branches of Yggdrasil. Nidavellir and its people will rest peacefully this night.” People behind me cheered and I remained stoic as Thor took my arm.

            “I would beg you to go back to Asgard. You don’t want this,” his hissed in my ear. “Look at me. Tell me to help you, I will. I will stop this.”

            “Stand down, my prince,” my monotone voice seeped from dark lips until I turned to look at the crowds. “Revel in another victory soon.” I stepped closer to the cliff and away from Thor. Brushing him off burned him.

            “Should any of you wish to come forward and lay down your weapons, we will allow it! If not, you will witness the power we hold and shake in fear of it!” The adviser went on as I stared impassively at the crowd of bandits and marauders who would not stop. They shouted and taunted and waved weapons, ready to charge again and the adviser nodded to me. I stepped forward and the earth around me bent to my will, creating steps so I drew closer. Thor was held back and I was halfway between the two fighting sides when the largest man in the crowd drew forward.

            “I’m going to enjoy this,” he readied an axe and raced toward me. I didn’t move until he swung before I ducked under him and got behind him, hands planting on his head. “Ah!” He sagged to the floor and looked up at me with yellow eyes. The crowd in front of me whispered heatedly and stepped back. I pointed to one brave looking enemy and gave a command.

            “Feed.” My drone leapt onto his ally and dug his teeth into his neck, ripping out his friend’s throat. Dwarfs and Asgardians alike cheered me on. The enemies drew further from me. “Crawl to me.” When the large bandit did, I beckoned him to stand before I turned him to face the crowd. “Should any of you continue, I’ll offer you the same fate!” I called, caressing the side of the man’s faced before his eyes exploded with blood and he crumbled at my feet. Finally, one more brave soul charged me before I swept my hand out and let the infinity gem swell inside me. Magic beamed over his body and peeled the flesh from it, burning him instantly before he dropped. “Anyone else?” The enemies looked at me and I watched them all drop to their knees, surrendering. I could have died with laughter. The realms shook. Yellow light engulfed me until I raised from the ground like a beacon of hope and terror. I floated up and touched the cliff to rejoin the warriors, surveying the advisers and Thor. “I leave them in your capable hands.”

            “You’re not finished,” one adviser took my arm and I hissed at him to back him up. “Kill them. All of them. Teach them what happens to traitors of these nine realms.”

            “That is not Asgard's way. They surrendered,” I countered, the real me clawed to the surface. “No more blood will be spilt today.”

            "You were _nothing_ before this. An exotic, fat, peasant girl on the arm of a false prince. A warrior turned traitorous bitch, but you can be something new here today." I snapped in half but merely inhaled before him.

            "I'm still most of those things," lips spread over teeth and he didn't unhand me. "I am a warrior now. Forever. And I'm most certainly a fat bitch on the arm of a beautiful prince. What was that other word you used?"

            “Exotic! You little cunt, you gave us your- _ah_!”

            “That was it,” I picked him up by neck and stepped forward, warriors backed away from us so I pumped pain into the man until he began to bleed from every hole in his body. “I lied. I suppose I can spare time to shed just a bit more.” The man convulsed before I dropped him in a lifeless heap over the cliff. Enemies cheered for me.

            “You just killed a man on Odin’s royal counsel!” Another adviser dared to step closer and I turned, unworried.

            “And he will be easily replaced.” My eyebrows lifted. Thor was wide eyed behind them, hand lifted and frozen. “I just won a war for you. Be  _grateful_. Right?” When I stepped closer, they hurried back and bowed to me. My chest heaved with pain so I turned to Thor. “I’ll be seeing you, my darling.” People touched me and told me I was a hero and I’d saved the day as I walked alone through the crowds. Having enough, I let the stone's light carry me far away from my allies until I stood on a lone cliff. “Heimdall,” I urged, barely able to allow him to see me before the bifrost ripped me from the ground.

            “That did not last long,” Heimdall’s voice sounded when I dropped to my knees. “I cannot see much of you any longer but I got the idea.” He stood just in front of me and offered me his hand. I took his wrist so our skin didn’t touch and stood on shaken legs. I couldn’t let myself see what he was thinking. “You should go to the healing room.”

            “So they can put me on the soul forge to be studied. After what happened to my blood samples, I cannot risk that.” My breathing was slightly heavy as I stood taller. “Am I a hero?”

            “Do you feel like one?” His words caused me to chuckle.

            “Using fear to win a desperate war,” I stated instead. “I’ve never heard that one before. How much longer do you think I have left?”

            “Would you like the truth?” He asked.

            “Absolutely,” I almost smiled.

            “Cannot be over a year,” Heimdall offered as I rounded him to go. “If I may, I beseech you to at least die yourself. A good death.”

            “I can only hope, my friend. When Thor arrives back, he will look for me. I will be in my chambers. Tell the king one of his advisers won’t be returning when he comes for a report.”

            “Very well.”

** ** **

            Thor didn’t knock when he came barging into my room. Poor Naaki leapt from my lap to scramble up a bookcase. I didn’t move when he stepped toward me.

            “It is rare for something to frighten my cat.” 

            “We need to talk about what happened,” Thor cut in and I stood.

            “Take off your clothes,” I turned from him.

            “What?”

            “I’m dirty and in need of a shower and so are you.” Magic shed clothing from my body so I entered the bathroom and turned all the many nozzles on. Without waiting for Thor, I got under the water and relished the heat. Two minutes passed before Thor hesitantly stepped down into the tub and let water rush over his shoulder.

            “What is happening to you?” His voice was soft.

            “Our team on Earth knew…when they let us leave. The people of Asgard followed.” I pressed my forehead against the cool tiles and turned so Thor could see my back. He gasped audibly and stepped forward. My spine was lined in black, dark veins branching out slightly along my skin from it. Like poison. Thor spun me around to shake me a he usually did these days.

            “We have to take the stone from you. I will not let you perish.”

            “I’m already gone, there isn’t a point.”

            “I won’t allow you to die like this!” Thor shouted and I touched his cheek.

            “Asgard will get what they want from me. Soon, even you will be free.” I felt his longing and fear swimming in his bones.

            “Not like this.” Thor took my face in his hands, our nudity went ignored. “We have to try. There has to be a way to take the stone.”

            “If the stone is not in me then it must be destroyed. Until then, I’ll die to rid the world of it. It needs me alive.” I pulled from him and shifted to wash my body, my hands smoothed over my chest and stomach as I faced away from him. “You can leave or watch me go through with this. The stone is my burden.”

            “What you did out there today…that was more than the mind stone. It was the same force that drew the mind stone to you from the first.” Thor shook his head when I peered at him.

            “I was perfect.” I briefly put my face under the water to scrub the makeup from it. Black bled from my eyes when I looked at Thor again and let my lips upturn. “They loved me and feared me and stepped away when they told me I was a hero. The advisers will parade me around as their creation.”

            “You killed a man today on our side, they might just lock you up until needed.”

            “The prisons cannot hold me.” I hissed, holding to the wall next to me. “He called me an exotic cunt and tried to make me his dog.”

            “I didn’t say he didn’t deserve it,” Thor mused as I scrubbed my hair. “You cannot be-”

            “Hotheaded and impulsive? Pure evil? Ahead of you in battle? In the throne room? Or I cannot be like Loki?” I faced him fully and tilted my head. Thor went silent. “I never told you what I gave Loki in return for his help. Oh, right, you’ve shut him out of your life. Or tried to. You dream of him. Often. He dreams of you too. And me. He is waiting for you to come to him.”

            “I will not.”

            “Life finds a way, just as death.” I reached out. “Hand me that bottle.” Thor stared at me while he picked it up and handed it over. I scrubbed its contented into my hair and sighed softly against the heat. “Once a month since Alistair’s kidnapping, I have given Loki my body sexually.”

            “ _What_?” Thor seethed.

            “I took precautions so we are not found. It’s not the worst thing he could have asked for. If it pains you so, I can give you my body too once we are done.”

            “What are you doing?” Thor growled. “What have you become? I cannot help you if this goes further, we are in too deep now. The advisers will have you made and unmade again and again. You would go through with this. What will you come out as?”

            “The focus is all on me. That gives you freedom, helps Asgard, saves the realms, keeps people away from Loki, keeps me out of a cell…and it will amuse  _him_  longer.”

            “Who?”

            “Thanos.” I paused. “Sometimes I hear him in my dreams…laughing softly and tracing his fingers over me… If I can keep him thinking that he still has a chance with me as his pet, I have more time. I will not take the hand offered. The Norns were wrong about me. They must be. He will tire and come for the stones. One day. I would be great with him. Being in the Avengers changed everything for me. Without them…without what I was able to build here with you and our friends…I may have joined him. Who knows? But, right now, I can’t have him bored. I need him hopeful. I need him thinking that the odds of gaining his stones are still possible. As I die, the stone dwindles… Perhaps there will be a way to save me, but one less infinity stone in the world is what is best for everyone. I'll take it to Valhalla or Hel if I must. It's a soul on its own. Thor, if Thanos loses even a fraction of one…he will feel it and he will be very upset. Then, he will come for the others.”

            “The realms will be ready for him.” Thor promised and I shifted to let water run down the back of my head. “You will terrify our enemies…I cannot condone your actions but I can stand by you. I will do research on how to remove the stone. There must be some way or someone who can. There is another thing, you must untangle yourself from Loki…physically and mentally.”

            “Loki helped me find Alistair. I don’t care that he held a price. Asgard needs him. They may not know it or like it. I don’t need him,” I exhaled, pressing against the wall as water rushed over me. "Maybe I'm using sex to toy with him just as he uses me."

            “That will change. You covet him still but the Loki we knew is dead.” Thor looked at me, distant before he swallowed. “It is impossible.”

            I smiled finally at that.

            “I don’t believe in impossible things.”

            I tried not to.

** ** **

            Three weeks passed and I was brought into two more battles to exercise my power and suppress the enemy. The second time, I’d barely made it back to an empty tent when blood choked in my throat. By night, I feared those I threatened on either side would come to murder me in my sleep. Magic surrounded the room and I was out most evenings. Meditating in forested areas, projecting my mind. Flying. Smoke engulfed more and more of me as I did like I would perish at any moment. My warrior friends knew not to approach me with questions about the stone. I’m certain the advisers held meetings to make them all cater to me. They told me not to get into the affairs of the people. Just show up and keep my eyes on the horizon. I fought them there. I fought them often.

            “Where did you go this time?” One adviser seethed as Elise untied pieces of my armor. They’d tried to replace her but I  _gently_  persuaded them that it was not in their best interest. I was lucky to keep Alistair at my side as well. He wasn’t always there but I was contented if he was.

            “The children gathered in the health building grew frightened. I soundproof the room and put up protective spells to ensure their comfort and safety.”

            “You were gone two hours!” He fumed, calm instantly when my face snapped to him.

            “I read them to sleep. There were many so it took a while.” I shrugged.

            “We wanted you to stand with Prince Thor and make a statement.” He went on, tone more cautious than before.

            “Thor is a big boy, he can speak for himself quite well. Without me. Our King would likely prefer it that way. Despite Thor missing meetings that I instead must handle.” I smiled and beckoned for Elise to go. “Alistair will take you home.” When she had gone, my face went flat as I continued walking with the adviser. “I showed up and helped end the battle. I’m done here. We don’t have anyone to interrogate and should one arrive, they will be put in their usual place and I will arrive tomorrow for details. If you keep pushing Thor aside, it won't end well.” It was true, Thor stayed longer in battle. Didn't come to meetings. Left me to clean up. I don't think he realized it. I tried not to blame him, his hand was forced and so was mine. I'd risen above Thor and taken that top step in meetings. The advisers and Odin looked to me for my opinion. Not their own heir, late or absent as he always was.

            “There is something else. The prince is restless. If you can do your part to… _remind_  him where his loyalties are-”

            “Thor, my fiancé, is loyal to Asgard. That will not change,” I sneered at him, “my legs parting for him especially won’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

            “Where-”

            “Prior engagement in the prisons. A mere update.” I turned on my heel and took a horse back to the palace. After washing the traces of battle from my skin, I changed and put on a cloak before going out into the cold. Melted snow sloshed around my boots, I entered and greeted Garth when he opened the door to the stairs for me. My footsteps clicked and I turned toward Loki’s cell. He sat reading next to the shield and didn’t look up.

            “It’s been too long,” he noted, smacking his book shut as I entered.

            “A month,” I hadn’t seen him since our last sexual encounter. “Figured I should show up when I have time to continue our deal. See if you're in one piece. Still pale.”

            “I don’t want you sexually right now,” Loki turned to sit at the table. “You’ll have to show up again before the month ends.”

            “You’ll have to compromise with me,” I commented, taking a seat.

            “Do I ever?” He mused and I exhaled.

            “New books,” I noticed. “Frigga still spoils her boy. No matter, I’m not here with any news. They wanted an update on you. Do you mind if I sit here and write nonsense?”

            “I’m just so  _very_  busy,” he reclined back to stretch before leaning forward onto the table.

            “Prisoner still acts the part of a savvy ass,” I spoke aloud as I wrote and Loki chuckled.

            “They talk about you often…prisoners who pass and the guards. Chirping like little birds. Oh, how they idolize and fear you. Do you recognize yourself in the mirror still? Or have you taken to avoiding the stare?”

            “Do the stories of me excite you? The way I instill terror into enemies. The way I fly around and slaughter with precision unlike anything Asgard has seen.” I sighed and sat back. “The way I die slowly for the crowds. I will bleed out all over and they will still happily step away when it seeps too close to them one day.”

            “I would not.” Loki’s eyes lifted and I looked back at him, almost fondly.

            “No, you would come splash around in it,” I lowered my gaze to keep writing, yawning idly as I did. Loki spent some time quietly staring at me, not intently, there was a softness to him. A softness that I hadn’t known since before the fall. Black hair spilled in gentle waves around his shoulders while he shifted in his seat to settle his hands on his lap.

            “They say you murdered an adviser in front of everyone,” Loki was grinning like a child now gazing at their hero.

            “It’s funny. For once, I have so much power that those above me are unable to hold a tight leash on me. They steer me around and I run ahead of them. Such a thing it is to finally be ahead of everyone and have the ability to show it.”

            “You always could show it,” Loki went on, “you were just too frightened to. Now, I believe you fear not being able to stop showing it. You enjoy the first step. You enjoy being Odin's right hand and little confidante because you're up close and personal in these battles now. The King looks to you before his advisors. Before his heir. They say Thor toils in battle. Raging. Stays late. Keeps to himself upon the training grounds. They say he's not often at meetings now after you've shown yourself. They say you're winning this war. Not him. I imagine my dear brother heats with green envy at the sight of you. But, you don't care. You cannot. Not while you're doing everything to keep Asgard together despite it killing you. Odin doesn't like it either but he sees you and needs you. He needs you more than Thor. A beautiful and deadly _bastard_ daughter!” Loki was laughing. Cackling. It echoed before he gave a lengthy sigh to quiet himself. "But, these are simple rumors. I do _love_ to fantasize." There was a beat between us.

            “Look at you, forever trying to read me now. This cell has twisted your cunning mind.” I was monotone. “Did you miss my frequent visits?”

            “I don’t get many visits and I also don’t even relish all of yours. If I am comparing, I cannot say that they are the worst of them.” Loki’s hand twitched and a book came to him. He opened it to read and I scoffed lightly. “How does it feel to end a life so effortlessly?”

            “I used to feel it in every part of my body. A rush. Like when you get sudden chills. Now it’s like a gasp. Too quick to process unless I’m trying to. And lately, I don’t try to.”

            “And you really think that you would be able to go on with life in the event the stone is taken before you can perish?” Loki glanced up at me briefly as I did.

            “It will be another thing that can live on in my memories.” I paused, head cocking. “Did the Chitauri torture you?”

            “I fell into terrible dark corners and…came into contact with many evils. But, no, not exactly. Life was torture enough. They _molded_ me to an extent. Threats were exchanged. Promises made. Perhaps I let them push me around and spread my legs for Thanos' allies when…the opportunity arose. He spoke of a Black Order...ready to rally when needed. Thanos himself does not need to torture physically. He will if he must. But, you fear him before he gets the chance. Mentally, you cower.” Loki clasped his hands, fingers tight together. “Why are you asking me? You’ve seen it all. The dealings and lies and agony.”

            “I wanted to hear you say it.” I answered truthfully, standing. _To see if you'd lie._ “I think I- _damn it_.” The lights in Loki’s cell and the surrounding areas dimed and went red, bathing us in crimson light. “Never mind,” I leaned against the table and peered at Loki. I was trapped in this cell with him. He smirked at me in response but made no move yet. So perfectly still. “Another idiot trying to escape no doubt. They never make it out.”

            “Did you feel powerful when you beat me into the floor on Earth?” He asked and I considered it.

            “No, I felt angry and unsatisfied.” I slipped around the table and drew closer to him, eyes staring ahead at the wall. Loki was frozen. I shifted back against the table again next to his seated form. He glanced at my hip and stared at the shield. “Did you feel powerful when you made me beg for you?”

            “No,” Loki’s breath shuddered softly. “I felt miserable. Not to say you're a bad actress. You're a very good actress. It made me sad.”

            “Sad? It made you sad. That doesn’t change anything.” My voice held a twinge of bitterness.

            “Nor should it,” he replied, lighter.

            “Did…” I felt my guard lower fully for the first time since speaking with Loki. I wish I knew what prompted it. Perhaps it was the effect we had on each other when the chips fell into place. Perhaps, it was bound to happen. “ _Did we ever have a chance?_ ”

            “Yes,” Loki offered, near silent. “That is the real tragedy.”

            “You know,” I cleared my throat and shrugged helplessly, “there was a moment where...I wondered if perhaps you loved the idea that I was deeply in love with you over actually loving me.” He didn’t shy from my words when they hit him hard. “I think there were moments when we pretended to be perfect for each other. I think in those moments, it almost brought us closer because we both could see it. We seeped into each other’s marrow and got to know every little piece there was to know. Even what was being faked. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong. But, when you looked at me and when I looked back. We did not see each other as lacking. Incomplete. We saw each other as whole people. _Gods._ I didn't want to give that up.”

            “If there was a time when I loved the idea of you loving me, I shall never remember it,” he responded with a touch of sincerity that tangled around my heart. “I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you now.” We didn’t speak for a few moments and my breath slowed. Loki settled his temple on my thigh. Stiff, I shuddered and didn’t look at him but, I felt his gaze before my hand touched his head, fingers shifting into soft hair. I felt love. Cursed love. Sweet love. My hand drew away from him and I felt him sigh against me. “I changed my mind.”

            “About what?”

            “Wanting you.” Loki paused. “I desire you.”

            “I know you do,” I gazed at the wall still and my eyelashes fluttered when Loki pressed his lips to my thigh through my skirts. “You desire me  _often_.”

            “Do you invade my dreams?” Loki asked, trailing his mouth along my leg toward my knee.

            “Not purposefully.” My fingers clutched to the table. “Shall I bend over?”

            “No,” he tugged me over so I was seated in front of him before settling his hands on my knees. “I want you like this. Just like this…”

            “We cannot go back to old times.” I warned. “We cannot forget what we are and what we have done.”

            “I know,” Loki pulled my knees apart and our gazes locked as he shifted my skirts up slowly over my stockings. “We can live in this moment now.”

            “What,” I inhaled sharply when he licked my inner thigh, teeth nipping lightly, “are you doing?”

            “Surely you’re familiar with this position,” Loki’s chuckle warmed against my skin, “I’m going to pleasure you. That’s all.”

            “You’re going to use your favor this month on that?” I felt him kissing up my tender skin, eager for me, and heat pooled down my body.

            “Absolutely,” Loki kissed me through the thin fabric of my underclothes, scooting closer to guide one of my legs around his shoulder. Cool thumbs shifted to rub slow circles just outside the lines of thin fabric and I sighed. What was his play? What did he want? Did he want me to beg? I wouldn’t. Loki parted my entrance and continued to kiss through the heated fabric before biting into my thigh softly. He suckled to leave marks and trailed his fingers between my legs to tease me until I gasped, head falling back. I shifted my skirts higher and brought my legs up, parting them wide for Loki as he shifted closer to take my hips.

            “This is a bad idea,” I held to the table tightly before his fingers ripped the fabric open, tearing it away fully. “You betrayed me. Broke every promise. None of this is real. It can’t be.”

            “Feel me,” Loki took my hand and came up to press it to his temple. “Say nothing and just feel.” He loved me. In this moment, he loved me. No, he loved me always. It was too painful. I didn’t stop him from leaning in again to press his tongue along the inner lips. Racing blood had already swelled my skin with need and Loki could observe that as he actively ignored the tender bud, lapping just under it. My hand stayed in his hair and didn’t press, merely tangling into his wavy locks. I wanted to sob.

             _I hate you._

_Things can never be as they were._

_What have we done?_

_What will be do next?_

_Did we deserve this?_

_I love you._

_You make me hope._

_I don’t want to die._

            Loki gripped my hips tighter and kissed just next to my clit, head nudging to press against my thigh.

             _I will never have you again._

_Not in the way I want._

            Hair tumbled over my shoulders as he licked slowly up and down the eager bud and repeated the action until my hips tried to surge out to meet him. After every sweet kiss, his tongue flicked out to caress it and I moaned out a sound that didn’t dare fill the room. Loki’s lips grew wet, breath hot against me when his mouth closed to suck. I was gone. Back arching. Arms unable to hold me up. I fell against the table and he yanked me closer, my thighs draped over his arms. Loki leaned in to part them further and taste me. The hand in his hair gripped tightly but never pulled so he came willingly to pleasure me. My entire body vibrated against him, eye fluttering closed to relish the way he felt. He kept a lulled pace to tease every little ache and twitch from my frame, but his fingers drew roughly into my skin. Teeth grazed me lightly and I gasped without warning, the high pitched sound turning to a whine when he suckled hard for good measure.

            I pictured Loki, emerald eyes framed with thick lashes fluttering closed. Lips slick as they danced over my skin, increasing the pace when I began to rock toward him. Affection poisoned my insides and drew a sense of peace I had not known since the branches of Yggdrasil began to shatter and burn around me. The idle tear that fell from the corner of my eye splashed against the white floor before another followed to lie with it, the world around us stilled. My heart dipped like a bow crossing the strings of a violin to elicit the sweetest of notes.

            “ _Loki_ …” My sigh didn’t go unnoticed to the prince who flicked his tongue roughly over me in response. He picked up a pace so my hips worked toward him, relishing the little hard circles he was now licking into me. My free hand palmed my breast through fabric and squeezed, arousal in full bloom under him. Loki complied with my wanting body and didn’t stop, eagerly lapping and sucking as his hands drew my thighs further apart. He didn’t put on a show and ask me to come for him while he compelled me closer to release. My back arched again, hand rising up to grip the table’s edge as I moaned and bucked before the tension sparked in my stomach. I orgasmed roughly against his lips, causing him to lap lazily at my clit until I fell against the table. I sprang up at the same time Loki’s head raised, our eyes came together and I moved instantly. He worked to get his pants down over his thighs. Scrambling, Loki swept me forward and I settled an arm around his shoulders; my free hand clutched the arm of his loose tunic. We stared at each other, brows furrowing until I slid down his girth. The chair scraped against the floor as he held me closer, bodies sliding together until he whined against me.

            “Faster,” he gulped, licking traces of me from his lips. “Fuck me.” Wordless, I obliged, rolling my hips into his in a way I knew he loved. Loki’s face fell into my neck, fingers grasping to my clothing with pure need. I bounced and rocked against him and cried out when his fingers rubbed against my exhausted clit. Tears sprang in my eyes as he beckoned for me to go harder and clenched my walls around his cock tightly. Loki took the side of my jaw, fingers shifting to grip my hair to beckon me to look at his face again. He cursed and put two fingers in his mouth, slicking them in a thick coat of saliva before he smacked my bottom. I jolted when his palm squeezed the reddening cheek before he licked them again and pressed one into the tight hole. My legs trembled, I jerked above him when his other hand came down to fondle my clit. “Coming,” he gasped while I tightened up, another small climax sent waves over my frame before he came inside me in hard motions. Twitching, Loki’s forehead came closer to touch mine and he curled his fingers into my hand relaxing against his chest.

             Without thinking, I squeezed his hand in response.

            There it was again, the sweet allure of love binding us together. 

            We breathed against each other before I opened my eyes to see Loki already gazing back at me. His arm curled around the small of my back to bring me closer. I tried to breathe even. He licked his lips and swallowed before speaking.

            “Come,” he beckoned, “lie in my bed with me. Let me hold you.” Loki’s breathless prayer circled my neck and squeezed before he came forward, ready to settle his lips against mine as if to seal every wrong we both wanted to set right.

             _No._

            My head turned to the side abruptly and he froze. The pain that drowned his heart came to fill mine so I stared at the floor, eyes filling with tears that could not be blinked back. My lip trembled when I leaned back to grant Loki my gaze. It was the least I could do.

            “We can’t.” My mouth pressed tight. I stared at his crestfallen expression. Loki blinked his large, green eyes at me before they sparkled with tears. “You know we can’t.” He shuddered softly against me before I started the agonizing task of pulling myself from his lap. Seed dripped just barely from between my thighs as shaken legs forced me to step back. Loki clutched his hands into tight fists, standing to pull up his pants before we looked at each other again as if we’d become strangers. The lights changed back from red and gave us an all clear. We didn't move.

            “Are you really going to marry him?” Loki’s insecurity laced his voice.

             _I love you._

_Come back._

_Please, forgive me._

            “If my king wills it so,” my chin lifted after I looked Loki up and down.

            “Will you marry me?” He asked without kneeling and without a ring.

            “We were married the moment we stepped under those stars…that night,” I paused. “And divorced when you let yourself fall without them.” I looked into his eyes and I loved him so very much. My attachment was my undoing. I loved someone I didn't forgive. “I’ll see you next month.”

            He loved me as well so he didn’t try to move.

            Grief and affection held him in place.

            The same feelings sent me running out into the cold.

             _Goodbye_.

** **

            “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Moira caught me racing along the hallway toward my room. “Are you all right? You look like you’ve been-”

            “Rough day,” I pressed one hand to my stomach. “I’ll be fine.”

            “Come, you have to let me put you on the soul forge at least once,” Moira had been trying to check my health for weeks. “I know you don’t like it but…we’re worried for you.”

            “I’m not ready for that yet. I know my warrior friends have been studying how to rid me of the stone.” I swallowed and sighed.

            “They’re not the only ones,” she clasped her hands. “Would you like to join Faleen, Elise, and I for tea later?”

            “I’d like-”

            “I’m afraid that I must borrow my fiancé,” Thor stepped around a corner and I jolted out of my skin. He was stern and my legs shook.

            “You…You snuck up on me,” the hand against my stomach closed into a fist and Moira took my arm to save me.

            “I’ve invited her to tea, can it wait?” She asked and Thor was staring at me, not happy at all. When had he last given me such chills?

            “I did not mean to frighten you, my  _love_ ,” Thor’s eyes were like a hawk watching prey. He was livid about something. “It’s urgent.”

            “I’ll see you tomorrow, Moira,” I went willingly toward Thor and felt his hand press against my back. I didn’t look back at my friend so he led me off.

            “I need to feed Naaki…” I piped up softer and he didn’t look at me, turning toward my room. My fingers fumbled with the key before it opened and I swooped up Naaki to set her in the bathroom, closing the door after I poured food into her dish. “Thor…” My breath trembled but he locked the door and turned to look at me. “What did you want?” I tried to stay composed but he stepped forward.

            “There was an attempted breakout in the prisons mere moments ago,” he sat down and beckoned for me to sit with him. “I arrived to control the situation, which wasn’t hard, the man ran from the showers and thought he’d make it out the door nude.” He chuckled with force and I did, breathless now. “I did a quick patrol before they gave an all clear and who do I see in in Loki’s cell?”    

            “Thor,” I began but he went on.

            “ _You_. Eagerly moaning on a table with him between your legs.” Thor shook with fury and hit his fist against the side of my sofa. The whole armrest snapped. “You cannot-!”

            “I can explain.”

            “I saw you!” He raged. “Both of you! What are you still doing? What I saw didn’t look like some business agreement.” Thor leaned in, fingers clutching. “You wanted it!”

            “I did! All right? I did!” I closed my eyes and turned my gaze from him. Briefly, I wondered how long Thor stood there watching us.

            “I told you earlier to stop this. I knew it would go too far and it looks like it already has!” Thor’s blue eyes were bright with anger but pleading for me. “You’re lucky I saw you and not another! It could have ruined everything we worked on.”

            “For once, I don’t know what you want me to say,” I whispered, looking at the floor. "We were talking, it happened."

            “He is using you. I know that is hard to hear but…the Loki we knew is gone. Dead. He doesn’t exist. I cannot stress it enough. He is using you and he wants to ruin things for us and perhaps he is also trying to get back at me. No, I know he is trying to get back at-”

            “Thor, I’m not going to defend him. I know what he’s done! I was there.” I faced him, anger finally picking up. “I tried to push my heart aside.”

            “Loki’s words are like food held above a starving animal. He wants us to beg and plead but he will  _never_ -” Thor stopped abruptly to compose himself. “He fought us. He stabbed you. He made you beg in front of me and then he stabbed you in the gut. He betrayed us over and over again. He’s in prison for starting a war and plunging the realms into chaos. Every moment we step out onto a battlefield, every life you’ve ended, the mind stone, the advisers turning you into a weapon…it ultimately falls on Loki’s shoulders. He will suck you dry if he pleases. Can you really not see that? He is toxic to us…we can’t…” Thor’s words choked before he shook his head. “I am still willing to go through with this if you are. There is no lack of love between us. We have a chance to put things right. We have to come to terms with the fact that Loki is not part of that.”

            “If you honestly believe that we have a chance, that I will survive this…that you will not return to Earth on mere feelings, that we can let Loki go…then either make me yours right now or walk out that door.”

            “I won’t make you anything,” Thor stood, peering down at me. “You either will return to Loki’s cell for pleasure or you won’t. I cannot blame you. Stop you. You love him. But, you are dying. Loki cannot help you. You have friends out here who would scale Yggdrasil to see you live.” Partly, I wondered if Loki did have the answers to my survival. But, certainly, I would have felt them.

            “They fear me, I cannot stand to see it on their faces.” I whispered and Thor kneeled in front of me, taking my chin between two fingers. Yes, he believed. He wanted to as least with every fiber inside his being. His pain was so great and I didn't know how to fix it. How to tell him I grieve too for the loss of Loki. For Asgard and the war upon our shoulders. For the fact that my abilities pushed the heir of Asgard aside. Thor loved Loki more than anyone and I didn't know how to make up for all those horrid sins between them. I just wanted to fix this all and it was killing me. The thought in my head that came to atone shook me. But, I didn't say it. Not aloud. Not yet.

            “They still fight for you as you fight next to them. Stop viewing the world from Loki’s cell. You must stop.”

             _If you loved me, you’d stop_ , I thought he’d say.

            “Do it for yourself. Not even for me.” Thor stood and tears slipped into my eyes. I didn’t let them fall. “Should you wish to begin…to begin again, whatever that means, we  _can_. We need each other still…and the realms need us…far more than Loki ever will. He doesn’t deserve us.”

            “ _No_ ,” I agreed, shaken with tears. “You’re right. About everything.”

            “Tomorrow, meet the warriors for dinner,” he asked in a gentle tone and I nodded. “We likely will ride out for another battle Heimdall thinks will break out south of here. I would like you to come. Without the advisers at your side.”

            “You know that I would rather things be that way.” I smiled a little, getting up. “I can get my work done in the prisons without seeing him.” I would get Thor to go back to Earth. One day. It would not be soon. I leaned in to kiss his cheek and nodded to affirm that I would be okay. “I am sorry.”

            “Take care this evening.” Thor stepped back from me and I sighed, nodding once more. He left me alone and my hand twitched to lock the door before I stood and opened the trap door under the carpet. Loki’s study greeted me before a sob choked in my throat. Without magic, I swept everything off a desk and turned to furiously knock a row of shelves over. I kicked and wept and destroyed everything. Loki’s work. Mine. All of it. I could have figured the final four infinity gems but I didn't care. Magic shredded things apart as I gathered papers to toss in the fire. I didn't want to survive this. The stone. I’d lost sight of what I set out to do at the beginning of this year. I let Loki seduce me and seduced him in turn. I cannot go on like this. So I burned and shredded every little thing I got my hands on until ashes covered my hands. Yes, I would likely die now. Perhaps, I’d live for little flickers between long moments.

            “I’m not sorry,” I whispered against the loneliness of my room. I opened the bathroom door and let Naaki rub against me before I showered for two hours. Mostly pressed against the wall between scrubbings. Afterward, Elise knocked to check on me as she usually did in the evenings.

            “Moira said Thor was unhappy about something.”

            “Misunderstanding,” I offered quietly, resigning myself before I added, “on  _both_  our parts.”

            “Should I braid your hair?” She smiled when I sat at my vanity.

            “Not tonight, I’m going to leave it loose but could you retrieve that amber oil in the bathroom,” I shifted in my robe to apply lotion to my arms, legs, and neck as Elise picked up Naaki to cuddle her. She left and came back with a tiny bottle and watched me dab some on my wrists and behind my ears.

            “You’re…going out?” She asked, settling Naaki down when I shifted behind a screen to change into a nightgown that didn’t leave much to the imagination. I felt exposed and numb in it. After, I wrapped a massive fur-lined cloak around myself and nodded, exhaling slowly.

            “I’m going to visit my dear fiancé.” I replied with no tone. “Not because the advisers want me to. Alistair is out tonight so if you see him before I do, let him know that I am well.”

            “Of course,” she looked me up and down without judgment as I shifted from behind the screen. I picked up Naaki to set her in bed, kissing her little head while I petted her.

            “No mice over tonight,” I warned jokingly, earning a large blink of her eyes.

            “Do you require anything else?” Elise followed me as I left the room, locking the door behind me. Night was falling around us.

            “No, thank you,” I smiled soft and turned, inhaling the cool night air while it slipped in through archways. “Stay warm, Elise.”

            “You too,” her voice trailed after me while I walked the halls, bundled up in my cloak. Thor’s room was unlocked so I entered it, a fire burned lightly and he hadn’t come back yet. The cloak slipped from my body with my slippers following before I got into his bed, easing myself against the comfort of his mattress. It was there I waited in the warm light until Thor slipped in with a book in his hand. It dropped to the floor between his legs when he caught me looking at him. I mustered up a few syllables and he gazed at me, not knowing what to do.

            “ _Evening_ ,” I whispered, without armor or venom in my tone, and Thor stepped forward. “I figured that I would make the most of my life until the stone consumed me.”

            “It won’t.” There was an anger inside Thor directed at me. Only slight. And I was far gone. Not knowing how to atone for Loki's sins. I had flesh. Perhaps, that was worth something to him.

            “Just so,” I slipped out and trailed toward him. “I think I just want to give myself to someone willingly. Nothing but affection attached. I don’t care how.” I’d been doing that since Loki had fallen from me. I could not offer promises or good words but my body could make due. I untied the cloak from his shoulders and then slid down his body as it fell to the floor. “Sometimes you are aroused by me. I can feel it.” Thor could have blushed, eyes lifted to look elsewhere as my hands held his thighs, finger shifted to undo the ties of his pants. One sleeve of my nightgown shifted from my shoulder and Thor didn’t stop me, hand cupping my jaw and compelling me to gaze up at him. His thumb ran the swell of my bottom lip before I exhaled. “We sent many people to their deaths the past few months. Perhaps there are rich rewards to be shared between us.” It was possible, however, Thor and I figured that if we comforted and fucked enough, we would soon forget Loki. I believe it's more possible that we thought fucking would instead bring us closer to Loki. Closer than we dared. The lines of our relationship blurred while we held each other through the many months of drowning.

            Perhaps, we’d passed the point of caring fully.

            He pulled me to my feet and looked at me closely.  _Equals_. His skin, though warm, was filled with apprehension and slow blooming arousal. I touched his hand and brought it up to press it against my heart, racing within my chest. Beating heavily in his direction. Thor did the same with my hand and slowly came forward to capture my lips in a chaste kiss when I pointed to them. He shuddered, lips parted to kiss down my jaw and neck. _First step. Pride of King Odin. Bastard._ Thor rippled with brief ferocity. I'd taken the place he longed to stand in next to Loki. He would take me instead behind the curtain and smirk with a twinge toxic pride. And it was the least of what I could give him. I felt his fingers take the front of my nightgown and tug me closer.

            “Tear it,” I rasped but Thor leaned back to watch my face as he slipped it over my head. Light played off our frames while the fire dwindled and I unbuckled parts of his clothing to begin undressing him. My arms slid around his neck for another kiss and he palmed at my body, bringing me a few inches from the floor to settle me on the edge of his bed. I slid his pants down his thighs, freeing the hard shaft framed with golden curls. Thor’s breath caught so I wasted no time and took him in my mouth.

            He moaned a sound sweeter than his kisses.

            My legs swayed, unable to touch the floor when slipped back to tease the tip in calculated strokes. Thor was already working his hips against me in shallow thrusts before a hand surged into my hair. Instead of slowing my play, Thor sped up his pace when pleasure crashed into him and surged from his veins into mine. I massaged his thighs and worked my tongue along his cock, not gagging when he surged forward in response and didn’t stop. It was peculiar, the way he paused when he was all the way in just to look down at me. There it was. His pride itching under desperate flesh. He just stared and I didn't move, eyes lifting to his to appease him before he pulled out and pressed back in before I could breathe right.

            Thor was gasping and he almost shifted back but I leaned in to encourage him on. I sucked and he was done for, holding the back of my head to pump between my lips almost recklessly like every emotion inside him pooled and swelled before imploding. My hand latched to his wrist to feel everything twitching beneath his flesh, his fingers gripped me harder in response and I moaned around him. The sound vibrated and I lifted my gaze to watch his face, eyes closed and mouth parting to sigh. Thor was very beautiful. I didn’t deserve him. Instead, I brought him down to Loki's level of writhing envy. I didn't know what felt worse. My eyes closed and I focused on his pleasure, tongue sliding over the rigid underside of his cock and swirling around the head.

            He tried to utter a warning as I slipped down and let him fuck my mouth eagerly, hips thrusting rougher as one of my hands grabbed at his tunic. His hand in my hair tugged so I held tight to his wrists and felt him begin to shoot strings of release into my throat. I cleaned him with my mouth and let his shaft fall from my lips with an obscene  _pop_. A final drip of release fell against my breasts and slid down as I stared up at him with swelled lips. Thor yanked his tunic off and slipped fully out of his pants to playfully grab me while I giggled and crawled toward the head of his bed. Fingers tugged my underwear down my legs and tossed them aside. He paused when he pressed me down on my stomach and trailed calloused fingers down the marks on my spine which had begun to branch out more. I shuddered softly so he shifted my hair aside to get a better look.

            “Does it hurt?” He uttered in my ear.

            “It comes and goes.” I replied, turning to touch his face. “We cannot dwell on it tonight. If you please, while you are with me…you can close your eyes and think of someone else. Someone beautiful whom you love.” Thor furrowed his brow and took my face in his hand after I dropped mine down and looked away.

            “It shall be you,” he insisted with a sincerity that held power unlike anything I’ve known. “Open for me.” Thor held my jaw and kissed my lips when they parted for him. Hands smoothed over my shoulders to squeeze my breasts and his tongue slipped into my mouth. I knew then as my heart beat against him, why I did so many of the things I had done.

            The surge of life, the complete rush, was worth any high price I paid.

            Right now it was at least.

            Frankly, it was also better to let someone else use my body than feel anything that dared grip my heart.

            Thor stole my breath and tugged gently on my nipples to elicit a moan. He drank that down as well and twisted the buds until my back arched toward him.  _Gods_ , he was good at this. Thor kissed my neck, prodding and playing with my body until I quivered, legs parting involuntarily. I wanted to beg. He was aroused again against my thigh before he slid atop me and settled between my legs. We adjusted so he could bring the blankets above us, enveloping out bodies together in heat and I sighed. Still he kept sucking on my chest, nipping here and there before pinching my nipples in torturous movements. Thor coveted me wanting him as much as he wanted me in return. I reached down to stroke him, chuckling as he hissed and pressed my hands above my head in response. His strength alone was pooling heat in my core so he held my wrists down with one hand. His thighs parted mine forcefully wider as he stared down at my face in the dark and slipped his other hand between my legs.

            “ _Thor_ ,” I gasped, squirming and relishing the way he held me in place. He dipped his fingers into my arousal before teasing my clit. My hips moved readily to rub against his hand and he chuckled, face pressing into my hair to kiss my jaw and neck. His body slid against mine and heighted every sensation sparking along my frame. “You’ve wanted me…after every battle. Even the one on Earth.”

            “Bit of sex is not unusual for me after a battle.” Thor leaned over to lick down my breast, twirling his tongue around my taut nipple to draw a sigh. Saliva glistened before he sucked briefly and came up, his fingers were still working my clit until it was swollen and stiff against his touch. My legs bent to spread wider, toes curling before I whined audibly.

            “Why are we doing… _ah_ …this now?” I asked and he chuckled again.

            “I recall you in my bed.”

            “I know,” I smiled lighter. “Why didn’t you come to me after the battle?”

            “I thought it inappropriate.”

            “I’ve asked you if… _oh_ , if you wanted me to lie down for you.”

            “I did not want it to come from obligation.” Thor slid two fingers inside me and I moaned out, walls tightly clenching around him.

            “I enjoyed sex with you,” I admitted. “Can you make me yours?”

            Thor merely kissed me in response.

            My eyes rolled back when he pumped his fingers inside me, massaging the inner walls until it sent soft waves over me in the best way. My breast jutted out toward him when another arch curved my body.

             “We can still have each other for comfort in the bedroom. Massage all those sore spots,” I joked and he grinned, blue eyes crinkling.

             I loved Thor.

             Not in some love triangle with Loki.

             Not like I loved Alistair or Dahlia in our short time.

             Not in a full romantic sense with notions of forever.

             Just on a basic level of sentiment.

             I loved him.

             I would always protect him.

             We’d been through hell and back together, never seen each other as monsters.

             So, I cherished him.

             I could not marry him.

             I would get him back to Earth.

             I would put him into the arms of someone he could love fully.

             Partly, I felt like he wanted to cleanse me of Loki. Or himself.

             Thor’s hand slid to my hip until he shifted his legs up to angle our bodies properly. My arms tugged and he held them tighter in response, smirking as he did. After a sweet kiss, Thor thrust inside me and didn’t give me a chance to writhe before he was moving, the hand on my hip shifted to readily rub my clit with one thumb. The bud twitched and my head tipped back while he fucked me into his mattress. Every thought in my brain melted away as pleasure shuddered along my body. My breasts bounced with every drive of his hips into mine, his thumb tortured me into submission until I was bucking and twisting in his grasp. He loved me. He loved this.

            “ _Thor_ ,” my legs shifted around his hips to bring him closer and deeper inside me. Thor’s breaths cast heavily within his chest as he leaned to kiss from my cheek to my jaw. His hot moans fell upon my ears and I let my eyes close to relish him above me, holding me.

            “I would have you,” he whispered, and I whined aloud, “every night like this until I can make you see.” His face tipped forward into my shoulder to burrow against me. His breath hitched before teeth dug into my neck. I felt the stone inside me curl around my heart. It liked Thor. Found him a good ally for protection. “You may writhe and plead or take what you wish from me.” The delicious thrust of his hips mixed with the constant stimulation was pressing my mind into overdrive. All I knew was him. His body. His touch. I think he wanted it that way. He would tire me every night purposefully and fill me to the brim with pleasure.

            I didn’t care.

            “ _Oh_ ,” I cried, back curving into a position that caused him to speed up. I couldn’t think straight, nor could I read his full thoughts and feelings. It was all static. I  _loved_  it. “I’ll let you do…whatever you want to me.” I whined and closed my eyes tighter, legs squirming around his hips. “Come find me.”

            “You will be in my bed,” Thor leaned back to look at my face as I managed to open my eyes. “Nightly. Just you. The stone will not exist. Nor battle. Nor your powers or my fixation on the world outside ours. Nor Loki. Say it.”

            “I’ll-,” my arms trembled and I moaned loudly as he worked me still, “Your bed. Nothing else.  _Ah_!” My fingers clenched into fists and I realized I could move my arms. Instantly, I was wrapping them around Thor until his slipped under my back to keep me in a low arch. Fire was building. Sparks electrified my muscles. I scratched the flesh of his back and tugged at his hair, tears slipping out the corner of my eyes. Climax suddenly gripped my frame. He felt it and shuddered as I clenched around him and bucked my body, the sensation becoming too much. In my haze, I laid there and let bliss flow into my veins. Thor, not finished with me, lifted my legs and settled them gently on his shoulder before circling them with his massive arms. Overstimulated, I sighed outward when his cock instead rubbed against me between my thighs and blindly reached down to caress the tip with each lazy thrust.

            “ _Almost_ ,” Thor bit into my calf and licked the area as I toyed with him. He came in thick spurts across my stomach and chest, jutting his hips until he was spent. Blue eyes peered down at me through heavy lids and my head tilted, a sigh leaving my lips before my legs slipped down when he pulled back. I shifted but a heavy hand curled around my arm and our eyes met again. “We’re not there yet,” his murmur caused me to lie back before he was easing himself against my body again.  _Whatever you want. Take me._

            Thor erased Loki from my skin. Not my mind, nor lips. But, right now, this was enough. We did this for weeks while he pulled further from his duty to get lost along a battlefield. I tried not to resent him for it. I tried to make up for his losses in the bedroom. If we weren't here, we got drunk late into nights and tore into each other on the training grounds. Pounding and bloody. Barely healing bruises the next day. No one asked about them. Sometimes, I wished he would just crack my skull open. He must of considered it. But, Thor was too good. The sex continued nonetheless. Every time, our bodies succumbed, we laid together before he moved to roll back atop me. I let him choose which hole and where he'd come. Thor let me down outside this room constantly now but never in bed.  _Yes_ , I would beg every single time,  _fuck me_. It became a breathless chant. A whispered prayer in his ear.

            Thor always obliged.

** ** **

            “I’m right behind you,” Sif urged me to race forward into the heart of battle. An explosion shook the ground and sent warriors flying.

            “There!” Another Asgardian pointed toward a massive enemy with scaly, grey skin and I lifted from the ground. This had become the norm if a battle continued. Bring me in to take down a high ranking official. Demonstrate power. Ensure a surrender. I stared at his smirk with bright yellow eyes and drew higher so that the rest of those around us could see. Enemies and allies backed away as we faced off.

            “Surrender or die.” I commanded in a tone that didn’t sound like me. He lifted a giant club and swung, causing me to dodge and sweep over him until my hands laid against his temple. His allies began to back off in larger groups when I beckoned for him to turn with golden eyes shining now. My heart clenched and I waved my arm out for him to begin attacking his own team. They screamed and pleaded as the hope left their eyes. Never did I think I would inspire hope and power by taking it from another.  _This wasn’t what you had in mind, Nerien_. The stone grew louder than any voice in my head. My drone smashed and kicked until his betters took various kneeling positions and I stopped. The Asgardians behind me readied to begin rounding up the marauders when one fired an arrow into my shoulder. The pain burned hot and I cried out, growling before I turned in a rage. I ripped it out and let the stone knit my skin back together as it only sometimes did. Furious, I growled loudly and tilted my head toward the enemy when he began to cower.

            “Brother, no!” He wailed and my fingers crushed into my fist before I made my servant send his weapon into his own brother’s skull.

             _Brother._

_No._

_Forgive me._

_Kill._

             He brought it up and did it again and again until Thor stood under me. His hand shifted around my ankle to tug me back to the earth under our feet.

_I’m not your brother. I never was._

_Why have you done this?_

            “Enough,” he eased and I stared back at him with trails of blood dripping from my nose and eyes. Thor sprung closer in an instant, pulling cloth from his pocket to rub against my face before more approached behind him. Weakened, I held control over the marauder until his body tumbled over a cliff. It was over.

            “Good work, as usual, my lady,” people said as they passed to begin arrests. I stared up at Thor and silently thanked him before turning to fly over the crowds until I came upon a tent.

            “That last bit with the brother was inspired.” A new adviser, competent in warfare, turned with a map in his hands.

            “I didn’t know,” I muttered, “Does this release me for the day, Hern?”

            “Just a few more things for this report.” He took notes on a pad with a hologram. “You look a mess. Fix her.” Attendants cleaned me up and prodded me like they were polishing a sword before I shook them off to shift forward. “Public executions will be held tomorrow. We expect you to attend and stand up there with us. Hold hands with Prince Thor and express nothing. We need you,” he tapped a pen against my chin to lift it, “dignified.” I swiped the pen from his hand and he chuckled. “You look weary, my lady.”

            “Rough battle.”

            “Sure you don’t want to visit the healing room?”

            “Eat horseshit, Hern,” I pushed past him, numb and monotone.

            “All right. Save that anger for battle,” he mused, awkward, as I left the tent. My hand pressed to my stomach while I saw warriors struggle to subdue enemies. Fandral nodded to me across the way and I didn’t miss the way his face paled at my eyes. I took a horse and rode home without an escort. People cheered when I returned and patted my back when I dismounted. Children handed me flowers as men and women asked to kiss my hands. I smiled and nodded and sped toward the palace when I got the chance. In my room, I cleaned the dirt from my face and doubled over the moment my stomach clenched together. My chest ached and burned until I braced myself against the wall and tried to dress. Naaki rubbed against me and watched me with big eyes as pain shuddered within my ribcage.

             _It will pass._

 _“Ah!”_  I cried out.

             _It will pass. Just a bit longer._

            I fell to my knees and pressed my fist against my lips when it became unbearable.

             _It wasn’t passing._

            “It’s okay,” I told myself, groaning as I clawed for the door handle. Half dragging myself to Alistair’s door, I knocked and slipped down to the marble. Frantic, I knocked again and curled up when tears filled my eyes. On my stomach, my arm fell against his leg when the door opened. A gasp sounded before he spoke my name and kneeled. My hands curled to my chest, unable to ease the fire inside it.

            “You need the healing room.” He gathered me into his arms.

            “No! No.” I whined and shook my head. “Frigga. Odin. Take me there. No one can see us. They… _ah_! They can’t see me like this,” my voice squeaked so he picked me up and raced down the hallway. Alistair hid around a corner and looked before he turned and hurried along. I shifted around in his arms and pressed my face into his neck to cry. “It hurts.”

            “We’re here,” he tried to ease my pain, knocking with the hand curled under my legs. Frigga opened and her eyes went wide, ushering us in.

            “Set her in the window.”

            Suddenly, I tasted blood before I choked and coughed. The motion sprayed red all down my front when Alistair set me down.

            “Odin!” Frigga called from another room and the King rushed in. Alistair reached for my hand but paused, the King and Queen flocked to me. Frigga rolled up a cloth and pressed it to my lips.

            “Bite down on this, dear.”

            “She refuses the healing room,” Alistair tried as Odin pressed his hand to my forehead.

             _Forgive me._

“She cannot go there,” Odin looked up at Frigga when I began to shake, only half aware of what was going on. “She will begin to convulse. We must see her through them. The stone will reject any medication we offer.” My body jerked and Odin took the side of my face to study my eyes. “Her eyes are taking longer to turn back to brown.” His observation shook me before stars burst in my line of sight. I wailed through the rag and jerked in Odin’s arms. “It will be all right. Stay here with us.” He pulled me against him and propped me up so I didn’t choke on my own blood. A hand pressed to the top of my head and the involuntary convulsions subsided slowly until I was twitching. He held me and rocked to soothe my cries. Frigga was wiping the blood from my chin and neck until I heaved, the rag fell from my lips. Alistair paced forward and gestured in a way that appeared somewhat frantic.

            “What’s happening to her?”

            “The stone.” Odin eased me back against the cushion and Frigga took my hand. Melancholy filled me. An image of Loki and I smiling and dancing played against my eyes before more tears filled them. I had not seen him in weeks, skipping out on our deal as I didn’t come to him this month. I couldn’t bring myself to right now. “It is weakening her and she knows everything will crumble if the people see.”

            “Her life is more important.” Alistair urged and my daze began to lift.

            “We must respect her choices.”

            “We won’t take her to the healing room but she must rest for the day in her own chambers. Send Moira to her side to check her over.” Frigga touched my face and stood. “The worst of it is over for now.”

            “You would send her back into battle knowing that the use of the stone will worsen her condition. You would send her out there knowing that not even your own son is doing the most outside of battle to keep Asgard together. He plays out there like an addict trying to forget the pain, leaving her to handle the meetings. Leaving her to handle the clean up. The interrogations. The executions. Or did you not notice? He's slipping away and Asgards allows it so as long as she wields the stone.” Alistair narrowed his gaze. “Had I not cared for her, I would resign from my post right now, my king.”  _Please, stay._

            “Nor would I blame you,” Odin hovered a hand over me to check me over. "Thor has been spoken to several times about his duty. He is clouded. Clouded with resentment and grief he cannot face."

            “They’ll want you to make a grand speech,” I breathed and Odin stared at me for a lingering moment.

            “Yes. I suppose.” He turned to Frigga and muttered something I didn’t catch before she kissed his cheek in parting.

            “It’s passing,” I sat up carefully and Frigga took my shoulder. “I’m fine.”

            “Tell me to transport you to Vanaheim to live quietly. We will, right now,” she tried as I stood on shaken legs.

            “I won’t leave Thor here alone. Nor anyone else.” I persisted. “I will stay.”

            “He asked about you. Loki.” Frigga’s words made me pause before I spun.

            “Why are you still pushing him into my thoughts?!” I gave a shuddered breath and wiped the rest of the blood from my lips on my sleeve.

            “He thought you had died already since he’d not had a visit in over a month.”

            “You didn’t answer my question.” I stepped forward and Alistair touched my shoulder.

            “I’m merely speaking to the woman who stated that he wasn’t hopeless. You made me believe that fully. So, I am telling you.” Frigga paused. “Some healers from Vanaheim arrived to assist us as the battles have taken a toll on our lands. Why not greet them after you clean up again?”

            “I suppose,” I straightened and let the stone flow into my veins to strengthen me some. Rubbing my eyes, I blinked and saw them change back to brown in the mirror across from me before I glanced at Alistair then Frigga. “They will expect me to appear in pubs later and hang off your eldest son to celebrate the victory. Thor has strong arms though, all the better for me to hang from.” Frigga clasped her hands so I tilted my head at her and turned to go.

            “Take care of yourself this month. See Loki when you wish.” Her words followed me as I parted. But, glossing over things and changing the subject was something I’d grown good at.

            “My fiancé misses me, I’m sure.”

** ** **

            Moira hugged me when I entered the healing room as she usually did, secretly checking me over when we pulled apart.

            “I’m fine,” I insisted.

            “We could put you on the soul forge in secret,” she muttered, shrugging.

            “I’ll think about it,” I exhaled, glancing around at the new faces busying about. “Mostly, I came to see you and Faleen.” Alistair and Elise stood behind me in respectful stances while I greeted a few people I knew from travels to Vanaheim.

            “Well, I’m putting you and Elise to work while you’re in here,” Moira chuckled and shifted a box into my arms. “Sort these, will you.”

            “That is fair,” I set it on a table and looked over potions bottles to set them away in a glass case. Faleen greeted me with a smile and kissed Elise and I on the cheek.

            “Shouldn’t set foot in here unless you wish to work. Moira made me pick some herb outside in the cold last time I entered,” she joked and gathered a few papers with her rough designs on them. “Batted her eyelashes until I went.”

            “Moira,” I mocked. “Using charm and affections to make your girlfriend do things for you. I should be proud.”

            “Can’t resist those eyes,” Faleen kissed Moira on the lips when she passed her to go into another room to work.

            “So?” I asked, eyebrow raising. “We fixed the bifrost…”

            “She’s staying,” Moira smiled wide. “She’ll stay with me and we’ll make occasional visits to her family. Too dangerous to move either way. Heimdall thinks Vanaheim won’t be safe for much long so their defenses are going up and our warriors are ready when they need us.”

            “I’m happy for you,” I touched her shoulder. “Really.”

            “We offered Elise a place to stay if the palace dorms ever tire her out,” Moira shrugged and Elise nodded.

            “I imagine they will,” I smoothed a hand over her hair and passed behind her to grab a few bottles.

            “We can walk to work together too. Faleen has been teaching me so much about her projects here,” Elise added.

            “Sharp as a whip this one,” Moira nodded, nudging her with an elbow. “Picking up things quickly.” I watched my friends laugh and joke and smiled to myself. Genuine happiness warmed my stomach before I turned my head to keep working as they spoke idly and another voice called my name.

            “Ysolda?” I gasped, turning.

            “I thought you’d seen her already, or I would have said something,” Moira turned her head and my body moved to hug my friend tightly. It almost surprised me as I put my arms around her shoulders. I remember thinking I wanted to cry.

            “I missed you, I wasn’t sure if I was going to see you,” Ysolda smiled at me. “They tell me that…you’re busy often.”

            “Yes, I suppose.” I exhaled. “It’s good to see you, your hair is shorter.”

            “I didn’t think yours would get any longer.” She laughed.

            “How’s the healing room on Vanaheim?”

            “Busy,” she shrugged. “I’m assisting the head healer now. It’s wonderful.” Ysolda didn’t offer condolences and I was fine with that. Nor did she or anyone else bring up the stone or what I was.

            “I heard you’re engaged to Prince Thor,” she clasped her hands. “Is it weird if I congratulate you?”

            “No,” I shook my head, laughing and she relaxed. “We should catch up later. I’m…in and out of here daily so I’ll see you. I’m glad you’re here. Moira will fill you in on everything.”

            “I’d like that,” she hugged me again, tighter this time like she was saying sorry.

            “I’ll see you all later,” I touched Elise’s shoulder. “You’re dismissed but, I’m certain Moira would like to keep you in here.”

            “It’s like she knows me,” Moira smirked and passed.

            “See you later,” she beamed and paused to eye my guard. “You too, Alistair.”

            “Lady Elise,” he bowed respectfully and followed me out. “Haven’t seen you smile that much in weeks.”

            “Thank you again for helping me earlier. I’m fine, really. It just comes and goes.” I paused. “It is getting worse.”

            “Yes, I’ve realized that.” Alistair’s quiet steps followed next to me as I crossed my arms. “Do you require anything?”

            “No, I was going to join the others in the pub soon.” I huffed and shrugged.

            “Will you be in Prince Thor’s chambers again tonight or will he join you in yours?”

            “I think it’s his room tonight. We spent the last two weeks in mine. He woke to Naaki sleeping on his head one morning and then her chewing his hand the next.” I scoffed, amused. “Never thought I’d see that look of initial fear on his tired face.”

            “Did you finish work in the prisons this week?”

            “Yes, they didn’t have much for me. No reports yet. They’ll want an update and I’m not sure if I can keep using Frigga to answer the questions.” I turned toward him when we paused in the archway. “Until tomorrow?”

            “Of course, princess,” Alistair looked down at me with heavy eyes and my lips upturned. We parted and my boots clicked across the frozen slush covered grounds. I adjusted my clothing briefly and entered the street lined in shops, inhaling to take fresh air into my tired lungs. Nearing the pub, I paused when a family exited a dress shop and the father turned with a baby to see me. Herlof froze to attention and peered at me before I tilted my head and nodded once. His wife smiled light and touched his arm before he glanced up and nodded in return. We rarely acknowledged each other, which worked for us both. Their baby sighed in his arms before they turned and walked down the cold street. My hair swept against the wind as I watched them go. Lowering my gaze, I entered the pub and let cheers fill the void inside me.

            “My lady, you’re late!” Fandral, with a muscular woman draped on his arm, greeted me and gestured for me to join Thor at the table. A drink was slid in my direction and I thanked Sif for it as warriors patted me on the back and went back to telling stories. Thor stretched and leaned back before his arms slipped around my shoulder to pull the cloak away. He left his arm there and kissed me when I turned my head toward him. His mouth tasted like ale, soul vibrating with flickers of excitement and desire that stemmed from his marrow. I was not usually the cause but I was always the solution.

            “You all should have seen this one move today, they didn’t know what hit them,” a man gestured to me, glasses clicked together.

            “Odin made a mistake in taking your warrior status away,” another added and sounds of agreement followed.

            None of these fellow warriors fought for me when I needed them that day in the throne room.

            I laughed.

            I laughed loudly.

            How could I not?

             _My friends._

            I was dead and dying again.

            I felt Nerien behind me, tracing a clawed finger down the back of my neck.

             _They’re in your world, my dear Asgardian, not their world._

            “I’m happy to be back with all of my friends,” I placed my hand against Thor’s thigh under the table and his legs parted instinctively. Night fell, stories passed and I merely sipped my drink here and there. Crashes sounded and laughter followed with hoots and hollers of “ _Another!”_ Thor looked at me and felt wistful as he stared at his drink and slipped his fingers from it. I put my head on his shoulder and kissed the area to set him at ease. Music underscored the tales of bravery and after a few bouts of drinking, Thor leaned toward my ear.

            “Would you like to get out of here?”

            “Yes,” I replied immediately and pushed my drink away. We stood and suggestive calls went ignored so I clasped my hand into Thor’s silently. I let him lead me along the streets and didn’t bother pulling my cloak closer. “I fed Naaki earlier and finished what work I had.”

            “Father told me what happened to you today.” Thor began and I sighed.

            “Odin told you?” I noted quietly. “Concerning himself with me, is he?”

            “He cares,” Thor countered with ease. “This grieves him as well.”

            “I’m all right. It’ll happen again, but there isn’t much to be done now.” I clasped my hands and let him pull me toward to him. “I’m touched that you spent so much time in the library looking. But, you need to get it together and start showing up in that throne room again.”

            “They don't require me. I've nothing in the library but I know I am close.” Thor persisted and I huffed, unable to make him understand yet. He opened the door to his room and the conversation dropped as it always did when we arrived back. “Make yourself comfortable. They cornered me about the official report so I suppose I'll do that much.”

            “Bored?” I feigned shock. “I had  _no_  idea.” Thor sat at his desk and made a face when he opened a folder on it. I used magic to prepare a fire and shed my cloak then my shoes. Sighing, I sat across from him and eyed some white wine being chilled behind him. “How about we toast to something? It is still a night of celebration still. Endless battles and whatnot.” I pulled two goblets down with magic and the wine poured itself. Thor stopped what he was doing when the goblet landed next to him and I took mine.

           “Endless battles mean endless festivities for us.” He replied. “I find myself tiring so of them.”

           “Not the battles but the parties,” I was looking away. “No doubt, we'll be rounded up troops again soon. Big battle. Bigger celebrations. Odin will call another meeting and delight us. Perhaps, you should come.”

           “It will be expected of me.” Thor remarked but I tore him apart with my gentle words.

           “That means very little it seems.” I watched his jaw twitch when he peered at my eyes, struck.

           “Do not say that.”

           “Why?” I breathed. “Does it hurt you so? What I think?” The first step.

           “I’m not pulling from this.”

           “Not in body.” I gestured to his heart.

           “Just because I missed a few important-”

           “Thirteen.” I sat taller and Thor watched me. “Thirteen meetings you missed. Strategizing. Executions. Aftermath. Awards to brave warriors and families of lost ones. I took care of it just fine, the advisers forgot you existed. My King leans close and sometimes puts his hand on my arm to whisper secrets and plots to me alone before his court. He asks me what I think. In the beginning, I thought, would Thor agree with me? But, now, I’m so absorbed in this life, the words come so naturally. I sent forty brave souls to Hel after the last one. Interrogated sixty one total. I stand for armor fittings alone instead of wedding gown fittings.  _What will make her look like fear itself?_  They ask the tailors. The tailors mold steel around my body and laugh at that. _She will look the part but her actions alone will drive our enemies to the tomb._ The advisers suggested I be covered in brands and tattoos. They think I should go under a knife to be sterilized but I know they will save my eggs for a rainy day. Your father was the only one there on my behalf to put that nonsense to rest. _She will bear heirs to Thor alone, he says. She isn’t a breeder_. _”_ I pointed with my wine in hand and lifted the goblet. “So, here is to  _us_ , my prince. May we always be what Asgard requires.” I gulped and Thor lowered his drink instead.

           “I was not aware I missed so much.” He swallowed. "I know they ask the world of you."

           “That is what it is to be a hero and savior. You would know, you hear the prayers across the realms. No mortals are praying to me. Not yet. Regardless, I have many duties now, my prince. Your consort isn’t the only one.” I poured another glass. “Will we toast for real now?” Thor looked into my eyes with actual affection.

           “I will not fail you.” Thor confessed before I tapped my glass to his, sighing.

           “I will not give you a chance to.” I'd promised. My lips lifted and he relaxed at that so I changed the subject. I made my point. Now to pay the debt. “I felt in your head when the night began that you’d much rather lie me against this desk.”

            “Yes." Thor finished his wine and set the goblet aside.

            “And you’re working on some report that’s going to end up under a pile of other rubbish.”

            “I figured you’d like the anticipation.”

            “I’m shivering,” I stood to explore so Thor continued his work.

            “What? You don’t find it appealing when I sit here bored doing rubbish reports?” Thor sighed and looked up. “I have pegged you incorrectly…are you going through my clothing?”

            “No,” I shifted through his closet, smiling. “I didn’t know you color coded your wardrobe. And it’s by type…and fabric. I’m still learning about you, Thor.”

            “You spent a night sleeping in the spot by your window because, quote: Naaki was cold and sad.”

            “She  _was_  sad and wouldn’t move from my stomach.” I defended, glancing at a decorated coat. “Obvious, you haven’t owned many cats.”

            “The pile of skin stole your bed the next morning,” he countered and I laughed.

            “Fine. Fine. I will be telling Fandral about this though.”

            “Cruel and unnecessary,” Thor glanced up at me as I began to slip off my clothing.

            “Cruel and very necessary.” Fire played off my skin and Thor forced himself to finish his writing. Nude, I pulled some things from his closet and moved to lie against his bed. It usually went like this. I would be there, naked and ready for him to climb in. A silent agreement we had. My body never called to him, merely offering him a sense of security. He gave in return. Sighing, I sat up and played with a few cravats, twisting them in my hands idly and Thor paused again to peer up at me. “I like these cravats you have. Such fine silken fabric. I bet they look handsome on you.” Thor cocked his head and stood to approach my naked form. “But, they also might look all right on me.” With one twisted around my wrists, I held them toward him and met his eyes. “What do you think?” Thor’s legs pressed against the bed as he pulled me up by the elbows to observe. My hands shifted against his chest as he tied them properly. Usually it was Thor who eagerly initiated the sex. I spread my legs for him semi-regularly and the nights were long as he worked by body into tired submission. Until I could scarcely think. He wanted me there with him. Some days, my legs would quiver and ache into the late hours when it began again. He nudged me to recline with my arms above my head.

            “You might have a point,” Thor rubbed his chin and my ribcage lifted with a deep breath. “One thing.” Shifting to grab his report and a thin book, he set them against my ribs and continued writing. “I must finish this as I said.” Huffing, I rolled my eyes and looked up at his golden, ornate ceiling.

            “I’m not a desk.”

            “Well, you’re not a very good desk,” he agreed so I shifted, causing his pen to slip to the side. Pausing, he ran the bottom of the pen along my hip and I stilled. “They expect me to relive these damn battles on paper.”

            “Battles don’t exist in here. Especially while I’m bound.” I quirked my brow up and Thor nodded. “We can be strangers.”

            “Ships passing in the night,” he mused and I chuckled.

            “We don’t even have to be engaged or romantically in love. We’re not in love like that. We are just two consenting adults…who are making an attempt, and succeeding, to show each other a rather good time.” I watched Thor’s lips upturn before he nodded, eyes on his paper.

            “Are you sore from yesterday?” He asked, pulling the book from me to toss it on his desk and I exhaled.

            “Bit cocky there,” I paused and Thor seated himself at my side. A hand laid against my thigh and I blurted the truth. “Yes.”

            “I’ll have care to soothe you first then.”

            “Might have to take me a few different ways if you wish to keep going.” I paused. “We both know what soothe ends in. You tease me and bring me to release as quick as you can. Then repeat. You’re cocky about that too.”

            “You think me arrogant?” Thor feigned ignorance and we both laughed.

            “All of Asgard knows you are.” I shifted my hips when he took my legs to part them. I felt vulnerable with him still clothed in tight leathers and me nude.

             "You are very beautiful." Thor traced my stomach to my hips. Flesh, scars, stretch marks, and all.

             "Don't ruin this," I tilted my head up, sighing softer with melancholy. He obliged again.

            “If all of Asgard knew why I still hold onto arrogance in this position, men and women would flock to my door to be  _soothed_.”

            “ _Humble_.” I felt Thor lean over to kiss my folds and immediately close his lips around the heat of me. “Ah…I like that…you’d make time for the men and women. Equality and all.” Thor didn’t comment and carried on, sucking and rubbing against me in sync. His beard scratched my thighs as he held them apart, fingers squeezing the flesh. “Easy,” I clenched my hands and let my back curve while his muscled arms curled around my hips. He teased my clit roughly and this first round would not last on my part. Thor was dominant in a way I adored. Sometimes he would give orders and I was happy to oblige. Usually, he just brought me where he wanted me. I liked that more. No needless words or utters of romantic whispers. I came against Thor’s lips a few moments later without warning and felt him position my legs, one on his shoulder, the other to the side before he was unlacing his pants to enter me. Friction kept me in a tense state and he lazily pumped into my tight walls, relishing my body in the darkness of his chambers. Fingers squeezed my breasts and ran from my neck to lips.

            “Come here,” he muttered, breathless as he leaned over a bit to settle his hands around my shoulders, jerking me up until he was on his knees with me in his lap. One of my legs slipped to hang off the bed while the other settled around his hips. The motion caused me to gasp aloud and Thor paused slightly. “You all right?” He breathed, aroused and I nodded quickly, my brow furrowed.

            “ _Yes_!” Hands grasped at my bottom, squeezing to get me to move. Undulating roughly against him, my bound hands went around his neck to hold him close. Thor grabbed at my hair, fisting it to expose my neck. He bit and suckled, hot breath caressing me while we moved at a frantic pace. My head tossed back so I bounced in his lap, clenching around him until he began to shudder. Thor shifted suddenly to press me along the bed, doubling his efforts until I trembled under him. My hands fell against the bed and I watched him fuck me, eyes heavy and lips opening to moan. “Who was your first love?” I asked out of the blue in a quiet murmur. Thor pressed his full body against me and didn’t answer immediately, squeezing my breasts and thrusting harder until he drew closer. Just before he began to come, a hand shifted between my legs to pleasure me. The sudden wave sent my body crying out, back arching hard when he orgasmed above me. There was a silent moment for breaths shared before he lifted off me to stare down at my face thoughtfully.

            “Mjolnir.” Came his reply before he kissed me deeply.

            I didn’t utter the name I heard in his head first.

            Thor pulled the ties from me and turned me over, lifting my hips into the air to ready me for more. Obediently, my legs parted wider and I held to the bed before hands grabbed my wrists to bring them behind me. The motion pulled me up slightly and I smiled against the covers, eyes glinting as Thor had his way with me. Chest heaving, I eagerly wiggled my hips to entice him before I pleaded.

            “ _More_.”

** ** **

            A knock woke us the next morning and Thor pulled on some pants, not bothering to lace them before he answered. The voice caused me to wake fully and groan out, sore and tired in my state.

            “Why, Thor. You’re positively glowing,” Fandral’s voice sounded and I covered my body in blankets. He couldn’t see me as Thor’s massive frame blocked the doorway. “You glisten quite nicely, my prince. What would your dear fiancé say if she knew you were with another?” Thor, with a glint of amusement in his voice, brought the door back and Fandral’s jaw dropped.

            “Why not ask her?”

            “ _Again_? What is it with you two?” Fandral pushed past Thor to come see me. I huffed and covered myself in an instant. “When did you both get so good at faking a romantic relationship?” He jumped into bed with me and Thor rolled his eyes, shutting the door. I burrowed under the covers as Fandral laid atop them, contented. “You know that you don’t have to have sex, though I’ll admit if I was engaged to either of you, I’d make your toes curl nightly. Fiancé of convenience or not.”

            “ _Fandral_ ,” I groaned, burying my face into the pillows while Thor poured some water for both of us.

            “Look at all those marks on your neck, the advisers will like that.” Fandral commented and I sipped, setting the cup aside.

            “Can we not bring the advisers into the conversation while I’m nude?” I sat up and held a blanket to my chest as Thor swept Fandral’s shoes from the bed.

            “She’s cute, is she not?” Fandral nudged me and I gave him a glare.

            “Why are you still next to me?”

            “Thor, you must tell me where you got this divine bed,” he went on instead and I let out a sound of aggravation.

            “Did you need something?” Thor gulped down his glass and settled a hand on his hip. Fandral put his hands behind his head and smirked.

            “Yes. She told me not to bring up the advisers though,” he shrugged and I gestured to him as I glanced at Thor.

            “Can you believe he’s my friend?” I tilted my head and Thor chuckled.

            “He is not my friend.”

            “You’d say that to the man who sucked the poison from that snake bite when we were teens?” Fandral sat up and I giggled into the covers.

            “You fainted midway through and,” Thor licked his lips to grow quieter, “Loki had to finish it. Sif poured cold river water on your face to wake you.”

            “It’s the thought that counts,” Fandral tried to keep the mood up and Thor smiled again, more forcefully.

            “You were saying something about the advisers.” I cut in.

            “They wanted to see you both for a meeting before anything else happens today. Prep and whatnot. Prisons are quite full. Thor is...implored to show up.”

            “Wonderful,” I offered before someone knocked frantically on the door. Thor looked at me and quickly opened it. “Alistair,” I sat up and he paused, eyeing Thor before he looked at Fandral in bed next to me. “This, ah, isn’t what it looks like.” Sif appeared behind him and made the same expression of confusion as I planted my face into my hand. “We’re not… Never mind.”

            “Something happened downstairs,” Alistair began when Sif looked to Thor.

            “The galleries,” she added gravely. “An angry mob broke in.” Fandral was tossed from the bed when I sprang up, blankets wrapped around me so I could grab my clothing and dress in the bathroom. After fixing my hair and washing up, I joined them again and looked at Thor after he pulled on some boots.

            “Have you seen them yet?” I asked and Sif shook her head with Alistair following.

            “I know they subdued the mob and made arrests, but nothing beyond that,” she took my arm and we raced out with the three men behind us. Thor quickly ran ahead of us and tossed the broken doors back when we arrived. The sight stopped me in my tracks. Guards and attendants walked about the room to pick the remains of broke art up. The fountain across the room was damaged and leaking water as two people hurried to stop it. My heart slowed and I recalled being in here on my Name Day with Loki. The promises he made me.

            What really broke my heart was Frigga on her knees at the center of the room in front of the broken remains of her chandelier.

            “Why?” Fandral whispered as he looked around and Alistair gestured to a torn piece of art on the floor.

            “That is why,” my guard explained. In the many ruined family portraits, Loki’s image had been torn from half of them. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t let myself. Thor, furious but stoic, came to his mother’s side and let her weep into his chest. Odin smoothed his hand over his wife’s hair and turned when I approached.

            “Who?” I rasped.

            “Angry civilians. A jilted guard let them in. He, along with them, have been taken to prison. They and their families will pay for the damage…by any means.”

            “My king, if there is anything I can do…” I hinted and Odin grew soft. His hand touched my shoulder to sweep the hair from it before it laid there in a gesture of comfort.

            “Not this time,” he replied. “This time, there is not much else anyone can do.” Frigga was holding a torn portrait of Thor and Loki as children to her chest, sobbing quietly and my gaze lowered to the floor. I realized that Loki still was not safe. Not if he still inspired this much anger and hate. “We can have it repaired, my love,” Odin came to his Queen’s side and rubbed her shoulder. I looked down at the family and Thor lifted his gaze to mine, blue eyes holding in all the pain. Unable to bear this, I offered my sympathies and turned to leave the room. Fandral and Alistair followed as Sif stayed in to assist. Struggling, I turned to Fandral just outside and clasped my hands.

            “I’m going to get myself together and go back in to help but I need a favor.”

            “Yes?” Fandral took my arm and steered me closer to the wall.

            “Loki’s life is still very much at risk so I’m…going to resume coming to his cell more often. But, today...I cannot yet with this and the executions. So, I need you to watch his pasty hide while I assist here. Until I come and until we ensure that everyone involved here was arrested.”

            “You want me to spend the day next to his cell and listen to him badger me?” Fandral crossed his arms and cocked his head in disbelief. “Don’t give me those eyes.” He shifted his stance and watched me another moment before dropping his hands. “Fine. But, I need you to say you want me to watch his pasty hide again.”

            “Fandral, I need you to watch over Loki’s pasty hide.” I repeated and he kissed my cheek, turning to go.

            “The things I do for my friends.” He muttered as he paced away.

            “Are you sure going to his cell is a good idea?” Alistair asked so I faced him.

            “Of course not, but if he dies, the higher ups get to execute me after and I’d like to keep my head off a stick for a bit longer.”

            “Won’t they be crushed if they lose their favorite weapon, princess?”

            “Doesn’t mean they like me. Can't risk my abilities getting into the wrong hands. Loki stole my blood and learned from it. Others will try.” I shrugged before I entered the room again.

            “This couldn’t have been planned heavily,” Sif approached me and kept her voice level. “An angry mob breaks in and destroys what they can before guards come. No way out. They didn’t care, they just wanted an outlet to express their anger. Palace is more vulnerable with battles constantly raging across the lands.” She rubbed the back of her neck, shrugging and I nodded. “What can we do?”

            “Comfort the royal family in this hour, I suppose,” my brow furrowed.

            “The executions aren’t going to be put off for this, in fact, this might hurry them.” Sif exhaled and shifted away to help lift a heavy painting from the floor.

             _“Bit funny. This happens. Same day as executions. Inspire fear,”_  Nerien stated behind me.  _“You should go home to your mother._ ”

             _Funny_. My thoughts nudged.

             _“What do you see?”_  Nerien asked so I scanned the space.

             _Rage_.

             _“What do you feel?”_

             _Rage_.

             _“A lot can be done with that. What would they want you to do?”_  He uttered and I felt his hand caress the back of my skull. Jolting, I spun and shook my head.

            “You alright?” Sif noticed and turned toward me. I nodded again, eyes flickering around.

            “Fine.” I trembled and shifted to take my place at Thor’s right side.

             _Funny_.

** ** **

            It’s hard not to roll your eyes when certain advisers gave speeches. Men and women talking of power and the future and how we need to come together under the king. I was certain a few knew it was a load of shit. The executioner wielded an axe and only a few marauder’s wept before it swung down. The group being executed were the leaders and commanders of their clans. The lesser important came before the most important. The crowd did not jeer, merely staring at the display. I found myself glancing down at my hand briefly before I peered up at Thor next to me. The last man was brought up and my world turned.

            “Witness the power Asgard wields. She will have the honor,” Hern called and I realized he was pointing at me. He came forward and settled his arm around my back. “Take him.” He muttered in my ear.

            “Not my job this time. I only execute under the palace or in battle. Not for show in front of Asgard. Especially not in front of children.” I seethed in return and he smiled, pulling me from Thor but the prince stepped forward.

            “I’ve dealt with you acting a child since I was given my post. You will execute this man for his crimes with the stone and demonstrate our power.” Hern insisted gently.

            “ _Our_  power. I keep hearing that. I believe it’s my power. I won't use it like this.” I retorted, pressing my feet into the floor to plant myself. We tried to stay hushed but that wouldn't last.

            “She will do nothing if she is forced,” Thor took my arm to pull me back. The crowd was silent but horror had crossed a few faces.

            “You have given Asgard gifts we could not have dreamed of,” Hern soothed. “Helped push us into a new age. If you do not continue to act on orders, I will ensure your freedoms, along with the freedoms of those you love, are dwindled. Nothing personal, love. Unless, of course, you are not strong enough.” I saw parents in the crowd who had brought their children, barely teens. I could not do this.

             _“What to do with that rage?”_  Nerien’s voice vibrated along my skull.

            “I murdered the adviser whose place you took. I’m not against repeating myself,” my words caused Hern to release me.

            “Execute this man. I’ll have your  _little_  prisoner flogged after we’ve sewn his traitor mouth shut.” He threatened. “You remind me of my daughter. I like you, kid, but we’re here to win a war.”

            “We? Again? I've been winning the war. You've sat behind a desk. If you think you can manipulate me,” my voice grew louder, “in front of our people! You haven’t been paying attention. You wish to paint me as a traitor if I do not comply? Ha! I’ve done things you couldn’t imagine. Before the stone’s light filled me up. I’ve seen things eons past you with it and I could rip this realm from Yggdrasil if I wanted and I don’t give a shit that you all know that. I am stronger than ever! I didn’t need the stone either. You all love whispering about my elf friend behind my back. His name was Nerien and we failed all like him! Every minority in Asgard deserves better. His land fell under our watch! And we didn't do enough to stop it. To change it. The elders betrayed us and his people. But, you were all told he escaped and murdered them. Well, while we’re here and while I’m far above you all, know that I let him go!” People gasped and I looked at Hern’s awed expression. “I let him go and I told him  _exactly_  were the elders were. I didn’t help him escape. I helped him tear our government apart and I am not afraid to rearrange it again.” I chuckled, breathless before I turned to eye the group of advisers. “You all seem  _nice_  on occasion and I’m so certain you’ve Asgard’s best intention at heart. But, if you keep trying to control me, I will ruin you for everyone to see. If you try to manipulate and control its people, I will burn you down. We serve the realms. Not power. Not you.” I gave Hern’s cheek a pat and passed him. “It’s nothing  _personal_. You want this man dead, you do it.” Thor tried not to smirk at me and stepped down from the platform.

            “And where do you think you are going? You’re obligated to be here as your father cannot be.” Hern spoke. A few warriors and civilians paced away from the crowd. More followed after.

            “My mother needs me more than you do right now.” Thor didn’t look back and I summoned the stone to lift me from the ground. My eyes burned yellow as I demonstrated my powers and flew away from this freak show. Yellow light swirled to flutter out in a billowing orange, I flew high above the trees and landed on a cliff. I could have flown straight to Thanos and watched the realms burn. No one came for me. No one tried to arrest me. My life just…continued. I let the cold air caress me and eventually left to go to the prisons. Figured I should relieve Fandral now. He sat to the side of Loki’s cell with his arms crossed like he was brooding. When he saw me at the end of the hallway, he leapt to his feet and rushed over.

            “Thank the gods, I cannot stand to sit next to him for another second!”

            “Dare I ask?” I tilted my head, Alistair paced down the stairs to meet me silently. He took up his post there instead of next to Loki’s cell.

            “He spent the first hour talking nonstop to get a rise out of me. Then he detailed explicitly how he would skin me before he tried to seduce me. Which…I’ll admit, was a little… _ah_ , never mind. He’s a damned brat and obviously hasn’t spoken to anyone in sometime. I think he’s merely been…ignored for ages. It’s not settling well in his head. Everyone is food to him.”

            “Not much settles well in there. Thank you. Till later?” I let my lips turn up at him and he paused.

            “How did it go earlier?” Fandral asked softly and I shrugged.

            “Interesting. Ask Thor or Sif for details. I’ll be lucky if I’m not arrested tonight.”

            “I see.” He kissed my cheek in parting and felt worried. “See you at dinner? Our usual pub?”

            “You bet,” I nodded and passed him, taking slow steps toward Loki’s cell like a cat investigating prey. He was sitting on the floor next to his bed and against the side table, tearing pages out of a book and tossing them against the shield to turn them to ashes.

            _“Oh?”_ He almost choked, head cocking as a strand of black hair fell into his face. “Over a month later, you find time to stop bouncing on Thor’s _thick_ cock to come see me?” His utter didn’t gauge a reaction from me. “Guards love to gossip as much as the palace servants.”

            “There he is,” I replied and stepped inside. When Loki didn’t attack me, I neared him. “Reading, are you?”

            “Yes, I’ve read this one a total of twenty-nine times,” he tore another page out. “They die in the end.  _Heroically,_  of course.” Loki crumbled it up before he slid his eyes to me. “They would not tell me where you had gone…I thought you died.” His tone turned to a low hiss as he tossed the paper into his cell’s shield.

            “Can’t imagine what that’s like.” I scoffed.  “Try feeling it for over a year.”

            “I waited and waited and what murmurs do I hear from passing guards and prisoners? Asgard’s little weapon is alive and crying out in pleasure nightly in her adoring fiancé’s golden bed chambers. Stronger than ever, she is.” Loki got up onto his knees and crawled toward me until he could grasp at my legs. “Tell me, do you let him do what he wants to you? Spill his seed where he wants? Toss you around?”

            “Yes.”

            “You like it, I can tell. You look properly  _fucked_  out. They say you bloody each other in training rooms. Perhaps, he fucks you after as well. You'd let him beat you half to death. You'd let him put _it_ anywhere.”

            “He does good work,” I replied evenly without feeling and Loki tugged at me.

            “Do you get on your knees like this and let him slide into your mouth?” He grasped for details as if to hurt himself. I stared at him, my lip shifted up noticeably. “Of course, he always kisses you sweetly after. He takes you on every surface of his room until you cannot speak. Until saliva trails from your plump lips as you cry out into his sheets. Yes. I’m sure. He toys with you and makes you succumb over and over until you’re raw and swollen and begging for him to take your ass instead. Thor is a buffoon so he’ll always oblige if it means you’re both one fuck closer to forgetting me.”

            “Vulgar.” I noted. “Manic. And correct.”

            Loki heaved for air in response and released me to back up, slamming his back into the wall. A crack sounded and I didn’t bat one eyelash.

            “I would have been alright with you coming to brag about how you are spreading your legs for my brother if it meant that I knew you hadn’t died yet or been taken by Thanos.”

            “You would be dead by now if Thanos had taken me. He’ll never forget you.”

            “Just as you and Thor.” Loki turned his gaze. “Fandral didn’t want to play with me. He’s no fun at all anymore. You’re the only person who plays with me now after you threatened the guards off me. Have you come to accept my proposal?”

            “I did not know it was everlasting.”

            “I’ve all the time in the world now.” Loki’s green eyes flickered up to mine before he stood.

            “I don’t.” My words almost silenced him but he forced a smirk.

             “I’m done having your body for now as much as I’d like to so I could send you back to Thor with traces of me…” He was clearly less riled up now as he watched me more carefully and stood taller. “Do you enjoy making enemies do you’re bidding?”

            “It is rather tedious actually. I’d rather do it myself. The advisers insist I demonstrate my power and the stone every time I’m in battle. It is my _purpose.”_

            “They want you naked for the crowds,” Loki chuckled to himself and pressed his hands behind his back. “That why you get naked for Thor? Absolve your sins and be in a setting where you have more control. More consent.”

            “There are other reasons.” I replied and he beamed brighter. “People fear the stone.”

            “Do they fear you as well?” His words made me smile.

            “They do now for sure.”

            “Are you here to say goodbye?” Loki asked then after a beat and I gave a soft sigh, turning.

            “I’m not sure anymore,” I paced around him. “I’m not sure how much longer I have. Could be months or weeks. I need to ensure you survive for as long as I can but I have tried hard to push you aside. Often, I wonder if the stone is what has made me a monster. Perhaps, it was love. Our love. Any love.”

            “What is the saying, love will set you  _free_?” He mocked.

            “And yet, we all are slaves to it.” I trailed my fingers across the table and looked up at him. “It pulls your heart around and you do things you didn’t know you could. Terrible and also great things. Love is worth fighting for, yes. But, often I debate about love. They say love conquers all and it can get you through the worst of times. Yet…perhaps, life could be easier without its terrible and beautiful pull constantly tied to our hearts. If it conquered all...why are you and I here? Fairy tales don’t warn you about how hard love can truly get." His eyes lifted to touch mine while he lost his breath. "I love you, Loki. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t. I know you wish that often as well.” Loki was trailing closer until he stood in front of me, looking into my eyes without fear.

            “I do,” he leaned forward and I didn’t stop him. “I really do.” Loki’s kiss wasn’t rough or forceful. It was light and he took my chin gently to prolong it. When I leaned away, his eyes were wet. My breath shuddered as I watched his fingers clasp into a fist then drop.

            “I know you’re mostly seducing me because you wanted to see if you could. And I know now that I’ve been partly doing the same thing. We want each other. We don’t always care how.”

            “Yes, we do,” Loki shook noticeably.

            “We can’t have what we want, Loki.” I insisted. “Look at us. We push and prod no matter what happens. This isn't right. It's toxic. It's not healthy. We're not in the right frame of mind to be together now. I still look at you and see betrayal and you still look at me and see the bitch who cannot stop playing with you. You’re here and I’m out there and there is so much we want to give but can’t.” I felt myself tear up. “Truth is, I enjoy this power. The stone. On a basic level, I feel almost complete. Still broken. But, I can fly now. I can speak out. I’m being heard. And I…I’m hurting and dying and one day a guard will deliver the news to you that I will not come in to play with you. We made promises to each other…and we cannot keep them from different sides of a damn cell. That is killing us both ultimately. And if I were to live…how could you look at me when I am swollen with Thor’s child later on in life?”

            “ _I love you_ ,” Loki confessed with vigor I didn’t know he still had. “You could mother children with any number of lovers and I would still want to be the one you come home to. They are a part of you and I would cherish them as well as you have cherished my creations.”

            “ _Home_?” My tears began to fall and Loki pressed his lips together. “Does this feel like home to you? We don’t have a home, Loki.”

            “We promised we would give it to each other once.” Loki paused and I made my decision.

            “I wanted to say goodbye properly to you. To your face. I will watch you still from the shadows and go on with my work. Our play is at an end.”

            “Will you still come to me in my dreams?” Loki almost begged as I turned to go. “We could share them together. Just like old times,” he made his final effort. His last stand to me. The room around us changed with an illusion. People danced in fine attire along the ballroom, music swirled and I gasped out. I turned to Loki and he looked younger, in his ceremonial armor without the helm. He reached for my hand and I blindly reached back. “Can you feel it?” He asked. “Can you feel me?” I was wearing a billowy white dress and he led me in a dance. The music surrounded us and swelled as he smiled. “Remember how it was. You and I. Always. We promised.”

            “We must let go.” I breathed. Loki was trying to seduce me. One last time. I felt myself falling into this.

            “We can…and still find our way back,” Loki released my hands and hovered his out. Mine came to face his, just an inch away, he brought his up and back down in slow motions and I followed as we turned gently around each other. I recalled following him so ardently during magic lessons. Our palms didn’t dare touch. Lowering his hands, Loki stared at my face and we leaned in together for a soft kiss that lasted only a moment. “ _Stay_ …” He breathed and I stepped back from him, anguish filled my heart. “Please, stay with me.”

            “Those were some of my last words to you when you let go that day.” Some anger filtered in while I ruefully wiped some tears away on my arm.

            “I know,” he dropped his shoulders and the illusion went with. "I heard you. I did."

            “Do you know how long those damned words stayed on my lips in your absence?” I sniffled hard. “ _Do you?!_  No…you don’t. You weren’t there. Even now, I…” Unable to go on, I shook my head and held more tears back unsuccessfully. Loki was crying silently too. “Congratulations, Loki. You are finally…after all this time…grasping the concept of payment in full. You are finally giving as I give…and it’s too late.”

            “Do you really believe that?”

            “With you in this cell, I have to. I have to pretend to believe in many things that I do not.” I pressed a hand to my mouth and wiped some more tears away. “I’ll love you for the rest of my life. But, nothing more can be between us. Look at us.”

            “I have.” Loki swallowed. He tried. Not hard enough. Not this moment. “Will you truly give the rest of yourself to those people? To all of Asgard until there is nothing left."

            “No. Not everything in me. Not yet.” My chest heaved. “An angry mob broke into the forbidden galleries and destroyed it today. You once told me in there about our future and how our portraits would hang from the walls. We’d be happy.” I summoned a scrap canvas from my pocket and handed it to him. A torn piece of a portrait with him and his family. Together. Paint chipped from their delicate faces. Loki’s lips quivered as he gazed at it and brought it to his chest. “We deserved to be happy once. But, so did that family…and now we’re all scraps and ashes, torn from pages of history. I used to ask myself who the gods can cry to when they fall. Who mourns us? The answer…we do. Every single day. We can’t save anyone in the end. They must save themselves. They'll pray to us and we guide. We're stuck in time, having to watch it all. But we are the highest power, forced to see each other crumble because there is nowhere else for us to turn. Gods are not perfect by design, we're perfect because we have no other choice.” Loki was shaking, face turning pink as wide, red-rimmed eyes shed heavy tears.

            "Will you be my wife?” His voice broke, fingers clenching and twisting into the torn canvas he held to his chest. “To have…to hold…” Loki looked out of touch with the world like he was fading away. “From today…into eternity. Yes. Into eternity. You and me. To love. Cherish. Forever. Will you have me?” Loki hunched over and grew still when I took his jaw to get his eyes to focus on mine. He didn’t feel like he was falling this time. He felt like he was being lowered by a hand into dark waters. Silently, I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead into his to offer the last affections I could.

            “No.” I replied thickly before I leaned back. Loki merely stared at me like he was dazed. He knew he’d pushed this all too far. He knew. Finally. Completely. I watched the man I love fall apart and did nothing. I stepped back and he smiled at me, blinded.

            “We’ll have a daughter. A little girl. We’ll teach her never to force a smile. I’ve seen her in my dreams.” Loki rambled on so I composed myself and continued to create a gap between us. I felt gravity wrapping around my body and fought against it. “A day will come when we won’t wake screaming.”

            “Goodbye, Loki.”

            “Tomorrow will come and so will you. Flocking to my cell like a swan against a lake. I’ll see you soon and propose again. We’ll stop screaming. I promise you.”

            I told him once that I would never give up on him.

            My greatest gift to him.

             _I am sorry._

_So sorry._

            Breaking this last promise to Loki, I turned from him and didn’t look back. Alistair did not ask me what happened when he fell in stride next to my quick steps. I stopped in front of Garth on my way out and my breath shuddered.

            “The prince is unwell mentally. Send healers to monitor him today.”

** ** **

            “Not joining the warriors at the pub tonight?” Alistair quietly slipped into a seat next to me. I stared at the fire pit and nodded mutely before I tried to find my voice.

            “The used to call me a traitor’s whore.” I mused softly. “Warriors and civilians alike. The wide whore like an hourglass meant only for childbirth. They loved my hips before that until they realized what I could have birthed. A half-breed Jotun…with Loki’s eyes I’m sure. Now they pat me on the back and congratulate me on all the good I’m doing for Asgard. They encourage me to use the stone constantly and never notice when I cough blood into silken handkerchiefs.”

            “That mark on your back,” Alistair trailed off. “My mothers saw the scars on mine for the first time a mere week ago. Started to weep at the sight of it. Wouldn’t let me go for an hour. I’d almost forgotten it was there prior to that. Almost forgotten how ugly it was. It felt like nothing compared to how I felt internally when…” Firelight was playing off his gentle expression. “Your mark is growing more opaque, is it not? Like an infection.”

            “Yes, it’s going to branch out further along my back.” I exhaled. “I’ve discovered a lot about what my powers can really do to the mind. In the hours of interrogation and torture upon our great enemies, the pain I seep into their bodies. The stone can see their great fears. The ways they are afraid to die. It plagues their minds with what they fear most. For example…if a man is frightened to die by drowning, the pain is great but he will also have realistic visions of drowning. It is similar for others.” Scoffing to choke back my emotions, I shook my head. “Perhaps, they deserve it. I’ve seen terrible things in their heads. But, I no longer wish to be the one who has a word in whether they deserve it or not. I am tired.”

            “What was the meeting this morning about?” Alistair rarely asked that question and I sighed.

            “Thor and I will marry next year. After spring.” I pressed my lips together and shrugged. “They think that will be a good time and the battles will have slowed. Soon after Thor will be made king. All of which means that I must push him back to Earth one last time. We have ceased sexual relations and we’re trying to find a way to part. Well, I am mostly. Thor must go on with life as if this is normal. If I cannot figure this…I will be Queen and future mother within another year or two. Maybe I’ll run away. I haven’t done that yet. By the nine, realistically…I may not even make it that long.”

            “They’d look for you if you ran. So as long as you are alive, with the stone, and engaged to Prince Thor.”

            “Then, I will cut one or more of those ties,” I gazed up at Alistair and crossed my legs, hands clasping in my lap.

            “Do not go without just goodbyes.” Alistair stood and shifted to sit next to me. Acceptance seeped into his expression. That and love. “There is no peace to make with me. What we have right now…it is just fine.”

            “You are the greatest guard anyone could have asked for. Your family loves you so…when you return to them for good one day, I know you will do so well. By them and yourself. I'm proud of you and thank you for everything you've done for me.” My lips turned up when he took my chin, grateful, and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. He lingered and inhaled softly before leaning back.

            “I’ll go on your orders, princess. Until tomorrow.”

            “You are dismissed,” I nodded and he turned. “Alistair.”

            “Yes, princess?” He pressed his lips in what may have been a smile as he faced me.

            “I’m grateful your calendar was open.”

            “For you, always,” he bowed his head and I smiled softly. “Yours as well.”

            “Take this. It is a good memory.” I took the notebook from my bag and tore the first page from it. The day I’d guessed his favorite sweet. He gazed at the note and folded it neatly, wistful.

            “Yes. It was.”

            “You may go now.”

            “Of course, princess.” He left me alone and I opened to another page lined in the many names of those close to me. I crossed Alistair’s name from it and exhaled.

            I had a long way to go.

** ** **

            “Sif,” I jogged toward her the next morning. The grass was wet and the sun peeked through grey clouds. She smiled upon seeing me and I nodded my head.

            “Fancy a walk?”

            “How have you been?” She paced by my side and I clasped my fingers together.

            “Fine, actually.” I sighed and smiled to myself. “A lot to get in order right now.”

            “Oh?” She replied smoothly.

            “And yourself?” I dropped my arms to my side.

            “Well enough, I suppose. Glad that Asgard is gaining some form of order, odd as it may be. I suppose I was prepared for battles to rage on but, I find myself tiring of the politics of it all. I just want the realms to be at peace.”

            “Our world is no longer simple,” I chuckled and she did before I sobered and asked a difficult question. “It bothers you that the advisers bring me in so often to act on behalf of Asgard. Why is it that you still stand with me? I see you, every time.”

            “You are my friend,” she offered, tone barely altered by a soft breath. “There was a time when I thought for just a fraction of a second that you were no longer with us.”

            “You had a right to.”

            “Perhaps. But, even then, I knew you could do better. And you have. I see you fighting those seating themselves above you still.”

            “Odin’s advisers have Asgard’s safety at heart. I cannot say they’re all bad but I also can’t say I enjoy being told what to do anymore.”

            “Nor should you now,” Sif quirked up her brows.

            “I think their intent is to show that Asgard has something terrible and powerful as the worlds around us are proving to have the capacity to bring something worse to the table.”

            “We always knew they would. Nevertheless, we were still not fully prepared.”

            “Someone here is and she sits next to our king.” I shook my head and laughed as we walked along. “They expect me to match Frigga.”

            “I cannot hold a candle to her,” Sif agreed. I knew she wondered once about my intentions with Thor. She’d grown to trust us. Sif was our friend and would forever offer her council and her blade if needed. She never treated me like I was less than her. I felt that way all on my own on occasion.

            “I just wanted to thank you.” I stated finally.

            “I’ve been rather hard on you at times and you wish to thank me,” she chuckled.

            “Yes, that’s the beauty of it. You challenge me in a way I needed. You made me stop and think. Kept my head clean when…when Loki betrayed us.” I paused and turned to her. “I know it was hard to see me as more than…my feelings for him. I know it can be. But, still you have. You have listened and challenged me well. So, thank you. For your friendship and respect through the years. What I mostly wanted you to know is that…despite me being impossible on occasion, I value you as a person, warrior, and friend. Sif…if anything…your strength has helped make me strive to do better.” I pulled an ornate dagger form my bag, curved with jewels along the handle. “Also, I wanted you to have this. It is my favorite and I consider it good luck. You don’t need luck but, perhaps you will enjoy it regardless.”

            Sif smiled at me, radiant, before she clipped it to her belt.

            “Thank you, my friend,” she held out her gloved hand for me to shake and I took it before she pulled me in for an embrace. Her mind was warm against my own.

            The rest of the walk was long and just fine by me.

            I crossed Sif’s name from my list after we sparred.

** ** **

            “Odin, we must convince her to settle on the soul forge, that way we can monitor her body more closely.” I heard Frigga’s whisper in the next room while I laid against a couch in their chambers. “Lady Elise found her on the floor of her room this time but we may not be so lucky next time.”

            “We all have agreed to go through with this, my love,” Odin had replied. Alone now, I stared up at the ceiling. My body was fatigued from today’s events. I don’t remember passing out suddenly. A spot on the back of my skull throbbed idly and I sighed. “Go assure her lady-in-waiting and guard that she will be well soon. Thor also.” There was a long paused before Frigga came back into the room and touched my head. I felt a mother trying to save her child. Helplessly. I saw a baby with purple lips and closed eyes within her soul.

            “You’ll be strong again soon.” She looked at me and I nodded, eyes sliding to the doorway when Odin approached. Frigga paced quietly out of the room and I breathed, savoring just a bit of peace so the King came to my side. No staff or ornate dressings.

            “How are your meditations?” He asked.

            “Loud at times. Quiet others. I can toss my mind further. Outside the palace. The stone…it loves me.”

            “I imagine it does.”

            “For the first time, I find myself completely wanting out of the places in my head. I am surrounded by great people, my king. I see them all lined up now… Like candles flickering and then my mind tries to pull me back into my head where it was once safe. Perhaps, my safe place still exists but…finally…I want to live. Totally. For just a little while. The stone doesn’t want me to die and it will exhaust itself to keep me going until there is nothing left of it. But, I will not last until that time.”

            “You know this for certain?” He seated himself in a chair.

            “Look at me.” I responded and he nodded once before I tilted my head to gaze at him carefully. “Do you think of him often? Baldr.”

            “Every single day. As any parent would.” Odin replied without missing a beat. “A parent can never be fully whole when one of their children is ripped away...Frigga and I have lost two.”

            “Even parents…who are not good parents…?” My tone was near silent.

            “Perhaps.” Odin blinked his all seeing eye at me.

            “I’ve seen visions from you in Jotunheim. The day you picked Loki up from the floor of that cold temple…during the battle. Did you ever believe…that maybe…just maybe he could somehow make up for those mistakes with Baldr and Thor?”

            “I tried to. I will not ever regret bringing Thor into this world. And by then, I had come to terms with the fact that I could not bring Baldr back into it. When I held Loki for the first time… When he looked up at me, so weak, and still smiled…I believed that I could fix what had gone so wrong in our realm. Loki was never just a piece in our world of politics…he was what once brought our family back together. He gave Thor a beloved brother and Frigga, another son to cherish…one who needed cherishing he would not get in his own lands.”

            “And you?” I swallowed and Odin hesitated.

            “He gave me a brilliant boy with a capacity for magic and strategy, matching that of Frigga and I. He gave a dream of uniting the realms together one day. He thrived here. Loki once gave me hope. In its purest form. I wanted so to protect him and I failed.” Odin gazed away from me. “But, those days are long past and they can no longer cloud my heart.”

            “They matter,” I exhaled. “They happened…and they matter.”

            “Perhaps.” Odin stood from his seat. “Rest here until you can return to your chambers.”

            “My king,” I stopped him from turning. “Is it too bold to ask you for a request?”

            “No.” Odin gave me his attention and I sighed, sitting up.

            “You must break the engagement between Thor and I. Soon. When the time it right.”

            “There will never be a right time.” Odin replied, eye narrowing. “Why?”

            “Thor so often turns to look at me in the shadows. I want him to feel the sun on his face again.” I pressed a hand to my stomach and got up on my own.

            “Thor will have to be pressed in another direction. I cannot make him right now.”

            “I’ll see what I can do then.” I nodded.

            “Had these events transpired differently…you would have done well as an official part of our house,” the King spoke and I pressed my lips together. “Not as Queen or weapon. But, as a part of this family.”

            “You are not my father…” I piped up. “I don’t have one. I cannot say I enjoyed all of our time together and I know you feel the same. But, I can be grateful for your care in this hour.”

            “You spent this year as my right hand. You did well. I would ask your forgiveness for my skepticism of you…as well as my cruelty. You gave my sons much of what I did not. You spread that to Asgard and they do not deserve you.” Odin looked at me with his aged face and I stared back.

            “Forgiven.”

            His name left my list that day.

** ** **

            “How many mugs is Volstagg at against Thor now?” I nudged Hogun’s side and he shrugged.

            “Not sure why they always believe I'll keep count for them,” he muttered in response and I chuckled. Fandral leaned on my shoulder next to me, one of his fingers idly twisted around a lock of my hair.

            “They haven’t had a proper contest in a while but I cannot say I missed them. Thor doesn’t even look to care now. He’s had to have drunk two barrels of mead without batting an eyelash. My friends, give it up. You both will drink every drop of alcohol in Asgard at this rate.”

            “Upset you cannot ever hold your own against us, my friend,” Thor teased and Fandral straightened up.

            “Trying to insult me, Thor. I do believe I’m quite alright with not making a fool of myself in a drinking contest.” He countered.

            “Yes, Thor, because Fandral can make a just fool of himself without a drop of mead in his belly,” Volstagg added slyly and Fandral nodded, not processing it.

            “Right,” he paused and the insult dawned on him. “Wait, what?” We roused with laughter and Fandral scoffed. “This is the thanks I get after watching your many hundred children with my lady here, Volstagg?”

            “Which Gudrun and I appreciated enormously,” Volstagg offered and I nodded, smiling now.

            “Messing with Fandral and I’m not invited,” Sif took a seat next to Thor and I slid a drink to her.

            “Lady Sif, there’s always room at our table for you,” Fandral turned on the charm and Sif rolled her eyes, amused.

            “Hogun, did you want to share your news while we’re on the subject of children and all here now?” Volstagg gave Hogun’s shoulder a pat from across the table and an actual smile cracked his usually neutral expression.

            “My wife, Linh, we’re going to have another baby,” he announced and cheers sounded.

            “Barkeep, another round,” Fandral called.

            “When?” Thor asked.

            “We found out a week ago,” Hogun nodded, contented and I gave his shoulder a pat. “Many in her village have moved to a safer location should a battle break out. But, I can say that for once I am optimistic.”

            “I know you wanted to ask,” Fandral joked lightly, “but, naming the child after me is on the table.”

            “I’d sooner name my child after a bilgesnipe.” Hogun retorted and Fandral’s face when flat.

            “Another day, another attempt at humor by Hogun.” He cocked his head, chuckling to himself. “I suppose that I can still congratulate you, my friend. The Warriors Three must stand together.” Fandral downed a gulp of his drink and we all did after.

            “Hogun, you know you can spend more of your time at home as well, of course,” Thor reminded him. As my friends laughed and enjoyed this rare time of contentment, I took of my notebook under the table and crossed Hogun’s name off the list with Volstagg’s following. I hesitated over Fandral’s name and left it there.

            “What’s that you’ve got?” He asked next to me as I closed the book.

            “Just making a note of something I have to do later,” I shrugged. I couldn’t remember how much time had passed since I first consumed the stone. Almost a year maybe. The sun was out again, spring renewed the lands around us. I was still here. Joining the conversation again, I let my thoughts slide away for this week.

** ** **

            When I entered the healing room another day, I was almost knocked to the floor by the embrace of Moira. Men and women behind her giggled outright as I stumbled. Instantly, I knew what had happened.

            “Finally,” I exhaled and Moira leaned back to flash a ring at me.

            “Faleen and I are going to marry! We talked about it but she just got down and asked me and-”

            “It took you long enough,” I crossed my arms at her soon to be wife. “I found out two weeks ago and had to hide it from this card reader.” I hugged Moira again and then Faleen. A few glasses of wine were poured and Alistair politely refused one behind me. Elise’s curls bobbed and she excitedly bounced in her spot, ecstatic for the two women.

            “Did you both set a date?” Elisif asked and Moira took Faleen’s hand, leaning against a counter. I took a spot next to Ysolda and she nudged my side as the conversation went on

            “I knew they’d be great together,” she whispered, glancing at Alistair behind me. “Who is that? Keeps following you.” Her voice lowered and I looked from her to my guard before I smiled a little.

            “Ysolda, I don’t believe you’ve met my  _knight_  in shining leather armor formally yet. This is Alistair. He watches my back ever since the bifrost. Stuck following after me which I’m sure you know is a task.” She seemed to recall him and nodded when he bowed respectfully. “Alistair, Ysolda is twice the healer I am and quite a lovely roommate.”

            “Lady Ysolda.” Alistair remembered his manners and reached for her hand to kiss it. Ysolda’s cheeks drew pink before she smiled in such a way that Alistair could not help letting his lips upturn in response. _Oh._

            “Nice to meet you, Alistair,” she curtsied when I stood taller to step into the center of the room. Elise crossed to me, grinning when I called my friends to attention.

            “Everyone, I’d like to say something. I’m not one for toasts,” I shrugged. “But, I simply wanted to congratulate Moira and Faleen on finding love and happiness with each other. You both deserve it.” I did not know if I would even live to see the wedding and the thought shook me. Instead, I smiled wistfully. “Time is a funny thing. We seem to have it in excess but I’ve found that it’s the little moments that mean the most. I know you both will make the most of yours. And I wanted to give you a gift. I’ve saved a large sum of gold in my time here. I would like to donate an amount to the healing room here and the one in Vanaheim…and give the rest to Moira and Faleen for their wedding and future together.”

            “You’re not talking about…” Moira shifted forward and I nodded.

            “Oh, I am. All of it.” I smiled and raised my glass. “To Moira and Faleen, you both will continue to inspire success, determination, love, and promise in all of us.” Men and women clapped and Moira took me in a sweet embrace with Faleen joining. They both thanked me and felt of sincerity, kissing my cheeks. Faleen wiped and idle tear from Moira’s face and the festivities went on. “Can I speak with you alone?” I asked Elise after a while and she followed me into another room. When my back was turned, I quickly took Faleen and Moira from my list.

            “You should have seen Faleen’s state yesterday. I’ve never seen her so nervous,” Elise laughed to herself and admired the night sky outside. “How are you?”

            “Well actually. Very well.” I smoothed my hands together and dropped my shoulders. “I’m not sure how to say this…”

            “Oh?” Elise stepped closer to me and waited for me to glance at her.

            “I have been so lucky to have you as my lady-in-waiting and I know you’ve been studying more and more under Faleen. I’m not pushing you…I just wanted to offer you a choice of sorts. You could have a great future working with her. I’ve seen how intelligent and bright you are. How much you’ve grown. I think…that you should move with them and fully become her apprentice.”

            “You…You don’t want me to be your lady anymore?” She shifted her feet.

            “No, I just feel as if I…I simply don’t have many tasks for you. I am not a princess. Not yet at least. I see how happy you are here.” I touched her hand when she offered it and tried to ease her worry. “I know you don’t wish to leave my side and you don’t have to. We’re friends. We have a bond and promise that I cannot say I have with anyone else here…I want you to go on and be happy so wherever you wish to go, I’ll support you.”

            “I’d…I’d still like to be your lady on occasion but…I can act merely as a friend.” She swallowed and I nodded, taking her other prosthetic hand.

            “I’m not trying to make your decisions for you. I…since the stone gave me the power to…control people…and since the advisers beckon for me to use it on enemies…I find myself growing with disgust. The people I’ve hated most have been just as I am now…and I’m fighting it. Constantly. So, I’m trying to be the person that I needed when I was young. Compassionate. Supportive. Brave. So, it is your choice as it always will be. I just wanted to know if perhaps you would like to leave my service and formally work under Faleen?” The question hung in the air and Elise rushed into my arms in response. I held her and closed my eyes to counter my emotions.

            "Thank you," she uttered, "for all you've done for me."

            Her name was struck from my list soon after.

** ** **

            “It is time,” Odin began at the center of the room, “for our warriors to go to Vanaheim. From what Heimdall says, the attack has not reached the palace and their warriors are working to control it. We must lend aid and put to rest these attacks once and for all. Thor will go and lead our teams into the heart of battle. All of you have your instructions.” I eyed the holographic map of Vanaheim emitting from the floor. “You all are dismissed to prepare. Go, bring honor and glory to the realms. I know you shall make us proud.” Thor touched my arm and I nodded at him before I stepped toward Odin and his lot. A few of my friends and fellow warriors hung back behind me.

            “My King. I request a quick word with you and your advisers.”

            “You must go prepare, we’ll need to use you to end this quickly.” Hern stepped in and Odin beckoned me forward.

            “It won’t end quickly. I’ve seen the reports. You also will not be using me. Your majesty, as first step, I request that Thor leads the warriors without me this time.”

            “I’ll hear you,” Odin cut in before his advisers could.

            “I am best served here at this hour.” I began.

            “You would turn your back on Asgard when they require you most?” Hern spoke for the rest of the advisers behind him.

            “Never, my lord. But, perhaps, Asgard requires me here while Thor is away. No longer will I step in and be your weapon. Thor will go and be just fine without me. He is a better leader and he will inspire love and respect in place of fear in these final battles. The people will flock to him and he needs that. More so than I right now. Asgard stands for hope. Nothing less. Let Thor be that now.”

            “She raises a compelling point,” Odin decided instantly, eye on me. “You are dismissed from service. Work under Frigga during this time.”

            “You would allow her to go?” An adviser began. “Without punishment?”

            “Yes.” Odin replied smoothly. “I am King and I must now prep my heir for battle. If you’ll excuse me.” Thor kissed my cheek and I watched the warriors go behind me.

            “I bet you’re proud of yourself,” Hern neared me and I smirked wide, eyes glinting gold in the reflection behind him. Then bright orange. For a beat I could see their colors. “I believed in you.”

            “Of course you did.” My hands clasped. “Perhaps, turn that eye to Thor instead. Soon he will be your King if you haven't forgotten. He made plans for what he would do as King so long ago...but, we all remember them. Perhaps, a change in advisers will also be in order.”

            “My lady,” a woman began, “you’re certain of this choice?”

            “I am.”

            “Nothing we can do,” another adviser nudged at Hern before they all filed out but I stopped them.

            “Oh, should something happen to my friends or…to Loki because of this decision. Before I am put to the axe…I will kill every single one of you. Related to the incident or not. Perhaps, I will also tell Odin that a few of you organized that attack on the forbidden galleries. I’m certain he’ll find out soon, I might have spoken with the gatekeeper and passed information to the Queen. But, ah, these details escape me.  _Oh_ , have I said too much? I don’t know which one of you began it but…I’ll leave you to weed out who it was. Trust is a funny thing.” My eyes flashed and I passed them to go up the stairs. “Don’t take it too personally.” Swaying, I left them and decided I’d be rather contented to not be in that room with the warriors for a long while.

** ** **

            It was two weeks before I saw my friends again. Frigga could see me changing. Becoming weaker during my attacks and then stronger when the stone’s light worked to revive me. My eyes would change without warning now and stay that way for hours. The people did not question it. They all thought I was becoming more powerful. Perhaps, I was. I could feel the stone branching out within me, growing like new flowers in spring. I was consumed. Warriors brought prisoners back in bunches and the only time I’d seen Loki was when he slept. Dreaming and not. I never spoke to him. I never let him touch me in our dreams.

            “Sweetheart,” he would reach for me, not taking a step until I gave consent.

            But, I could not reach back to him.

            I didn’t have the time anymore.

            It wasn’t on my side.

            “Stay,” I’d always reply.

            Fandral hugged me tightly when he found me in the palace. The battles had dwindled and Vanaheim would heal as the rest of the realms now.

            “Fandral,” I inhaled his scent and leaned back, my exhales came so softly. “How are the others?”

            “Well. Very well. You would have been proud.”

            “I am,” I smiled, taking his wrist. “Walk with me for a bit before you begin your reports.”

            “You’ve grown pale,” he touched my chin and knew why.

            “I’ve been getting so much done lately,” I led him into my room and picked up Naaki to cuddle her to my warm chest. She purred happily and nudged her face into my clothes. “I wanted to tell you this long ago but, perhaps now will be better with the realms finding some peace.”

            “Yes?” He inquired and smiled charmingly at me.

            My words made it fade slowly.

            “Tell Sif how you feel. I was going to lightly allude to it with word play but I love you and I figured being firm was better.”

            “Sif?” Fandral chuckled with force and shrugged. “I…uh… My lady, you see-”

            “Fandral, we both know I’ve had you pegged for eons.” I came to him. “It took me years to admit to myself that I loved Loki and it took even longer to say it to his face. And I regret not saying it earlier. We could have had more time together. We could have been braver. If you say nothing…that is your choice but, I can say from experience that you will feel so much better. You’ll be free, for only a moment if you must, if you state your feelings aloud.”

            “I cannot promise you anything.”

            “I am not asking you to,” I smiled, “I just wanted to tell you. I wanted to acknowledge your feelings.”

            “You’ve been my friend longer than anyone,” Fandral spoke then. “I must tell you…that I know what you have been doing. With everyone.”

            “You cannot stop me.” My exhale quivered in my throat.

            “I know.” He touched my hair, sweeping it behind my shoulders. “If I can help you in any way with your quest. Let me know.”

            “Of course,” I let Fandral kiss my forehead before he departed.

            He was going to help me regardless.

** ** **

            “More are being led into the prisons.” Frigga stated, clasping her hands as her dress swayed around her feet. I walked at her side and watched her look out the archways to survey Asgard.

            “Been in for a look lately?” I inquired in a different tone and she beamed at me.

            “Not physically.” Her eyes flicked away in a sly motion when she smiled.

            “Thor and our fellow warriors have done a lot of good work.” I followed her to stand at a massive archway with billowing drapes. “Without me and the stone.” Sun illuminated Asgard and I sighed to myself, fingers splaying against the marble railing while I leaned over to see the grounds far below.

            “How are your attacks?”

            “I haven’t had one in a while. In fact, I feel stronger…as if the stone is bonded more to my body. Perhaps, I don't have to destroy it in soul. Only in its potent body before it can consume mine. Maybe I can...hide its soul somewhere safe. I can bring light back to the grey corner of my mind. May I show you something?” I asked and Frigga tilted her head in question so I got up onto the balcony.

            “Hon, what are you-?” Frigga gasped when I let myself fall backwards without delay. Air rushed through my clothing before the stone's light swirled around me in an instant, lifting me up before I could fall too far. And then the smoke engulfed my body, tendrils flying about me as I swirled up through the sky and back down. I rushed past Frigga and swooped along the walls like a ghost before landing in front of her in a crouching position to extinguish.

            “The smoke wasn’t…that strong before. It comes when I push the stone harder.” I exhaled, shaken and stood up. “I don’t feel like an Asgardian any longer. I’m becoming something more. I had a dream last night…and when I looked into the mirror, I…changed.”

            “How so?”

            “I looked like I belonged with Nerien’s people. An elf. Large black and sunset glowing eyes. High cheekbones. Sharp teeth. Pointed ears. He stood behind me and smiled with pride.” I shook my head and huffed silently before I gazed back up at her. “I smiled back.”

            “Your eyes still have not changed back,” she shifted forward to reach for my face but stopped when I backed away from her. My relationship with Frigga had been so shaken since what happened with Loki. I missed the days when I was just moving into the palace and looking up to her like she was the bright moon on a foggy night. It wasn't uncommon for me to idealize powerful people. Not at all.

            “Give me a moment,” I inhaled and rubbed my eyes, blinking to focus myself when I looked back up at her.

            “Did you ever ask Loki for answers?” She questioned then and my gaze grew hard.

            “He would have given them by now. Thanos kept him in the dark about a lot of things, he was a pawn.” Brown eyes flickered from the floor to her face. “Did you?”

            “Yes.”

            “What did he say to you?” I tried not to scoff. “Surprised I’m still alive?”

            “No. Initially, he wanted to be. But, Loki is rather certain now that if and when you die…he would feel it.”

            “Bringing him lovely fairy tales to read these days,” I observed, rounding her. I wish I could explain why making peace with Frigga was so hard for me. My heart armored itself in steel when she entered a room.

            “Do you hate me?” She wondered aloud.

            “No,” I swallowed and faced her. “Worse. I love you. Deeply so. In that, perhaps I do hate you as well. It shakes me…the way you look at me…knowing everything. Knowing when I will die probably. Knowing that it will be painful. I think back on every single time you have ever looked at me with affection on your face…knowing full well what I would become. The voices in my head used to tell me that Loki made a pretty foolish girl of me. I believed that once for a short time…but, now, something inside me churns over when I see you because I’ve realized it was you. I want to blame you for what has happened and I want to blame Odin but I know I cannot. But, Frigga, you knew who and what I was from the moment you pulled my tiny body from that pond…so many years ago. Did you hesitate that day? Did you ever consider leaving me under the water?”

            “You know that I did not. Not for a moment.” She watched me with big, beautiful eyes. “I believed in you. I still do. Just as you still believe in Loki.”

            “If you believe in me…tell me one thing that you know for certain…right now. Something that can make up for everything, or kill me right now.” My vision blurred when Frigga straightened up and stepped forward, a frightening expression crossed her face. Her dainty, gloved hand took my chin and forced my gaze up to her eyes in a motion that was almost rough. My teeth clenched together and I rasped in a hoarse tone. “ _Say it._ ”

            “You won’t die screaming.” Her words were sincere and laced in venom that drew shivers down my spine before she let me go and walked around my trembling form.

            “I cannot let myself trust you still,” I admitted in a heavy tone that stopped her.

            “You know, dear, why I cannot state what I have seen. My sons have been torn apart and all I could do was watch. I fear the worst. Yes, I pushed you toward Loki. In truth…” Frigga met my gaze when I turned. “Neither of you needed my help. I cannot promise you that you will live to see Thor and Loki come together again. The road is harsh, such is the way of love and betrayal. I’ve lost one son. Another is slipping away. No parent should ever outlive their kin. I would give anything to see my babies look at each other one last time…with love in their eyes in place of contempt. Anything.”

            “Fortunately,” I responded quietly. “You have the time for anything.” My tired eyes slid to the floor before I gazed back up at her. “I do not. I let Asgard turn me into what I hated most to win a war. I promised myself that I would cradle the stone and control it. Not the other way around. I told myself I wouldn’t violate the cells of one’s mind. And I have. I doesn’t matter that they were enemies. I wanted Psyche to live on forever in my heart and now, I fear that she cannot.” My chest shuddered and burned as I turned to go away from her. “I’m not ready to face you and do this yet.”

            “We’ll make time,” Frigga’s words followed after me while I departed before I allowed myself to spare her a glance.

            “Perhaps.”

** ** **

            “Miss working in the healing room often?” Ysolda smiled when I entered with a small stack of papers.

            “I’d take it over this filing nonsense. Why they want both paper copies and not, I’ll never understand.” I glanced at Elise when she waved at me from her conversation with Faleen across the room. Healers bustled around and Alistair followed me over to a cabinet. “Want to trade?”

            “Not a chance,” she laughed, mixing potions together. “Hello, Alistair.” She greeted my guard. “How are you?”

            “Well, thank you, my lady.” He responded, swallowing so Ysolda turned to finish up her potion and I continued on.

            “She likes you,” I muttered through my teeth and Alistair’s head turned to me.

            “Just because she greets me, she-”

            “She think you’re handsome. Told me so the night Moira got engaged.” This turned his interest.

            “That so?” He cleared his throat and looked from me when I met his gaze, snickering.

            “You’re blushing, Alistair.” I shrugged. “While I don’t think this is some destined true love and I’m not here to coddle it into such… I will say that she is sincere and quite sweet. You’ve held up a lot on your shoulders and you deserve some time without stress with someone of free spirited nature. Couldn’t hurt to get to know her.”

            “…Did you plan this?” He uttered and I shook my head, snorting lightly.

            “No, I didn’t think about it fully until now. Ysolda is a good person, extremely intelligent and capable and I’m not pushing you toward her just because she’s  _nice_  and not because I feel sorry for either of you. In fact, you’re both quite different. Maybe that’s a good thing as sometimes opposites can give the other what they want or need for a time. You’re not marrying her. If you’re interested, just go for it. Besides…I’ve seen your gaze linger on her. She is quite pretty, no?” My words caused Alistair to scoff and look back at me.

            “I never said that.”

            “You did not need to, I felt it,” I laughed to myself. “You’re not marrying her, as I stated. I suppose that I am saying…why stare at an abyss when someone much better pulls your gaze from it? If even for little flickers of a moment.” When I shrugged, Alistair looked back at Ysolda and glanced down. “I’m trying to leave what good traces of me in this world I can. My friend’s happiness is attuned to that. If you like her after getting to know her…ask her out.” I pressed my lips together and peered back over my work as Alistair straightened up next to me. He shifted and moved to walk toward Ysolda before I left the room the second his back turned from me. I smiled to myself and enjoyed the sun beaming against me in flashes while I crossed a hallway lined in pillars. Something flooded my chest and I leaned over to collect myself before a voice called me to attention.

            “My lady,” Fandral smiled when I exhaled and forced myself to sand taller. “I’ve been looking for you. Come quick.”

            “Yes?” I inquired, rubbing my fist to my chest before I dropped it.

            “I have to show you something,” he got me to follow him down a staircase.

            “Is something wrong?” I caught up with him, but his steps picked up.

            “This way,” he stated instead and turned to rush me toward the room with the fire pit. The door opened and my world stilled. Fandral touched the small of my back as a woman stood up to face me.

            “ _Mother_.” I managed out, for a moment I wanted to sink and fly all at the same time. I stood there and she just looked at me, brow knitting together before I remembered myself and shuddered. “What...What the  _hell_  do you want?” My words were harsher than I thought so Fandral ushered me forward and shut the door. “Why are you doing this?” I hissed at him and he sighed.

            “For you.” He tried to beam. “Just speak to her…I’ll leave you to it…” When Fandral left, my mother stepped toward me and stopped when I sidestepped toward the window.

            “How are you?” She asked finally and I scoffed.

            “How do you think?” My gaze was like ice.

            “I hear about you a lot.”

            “I’m sure you do.” I paused. “Why now?”

            “I hoped you would come home first.”

            “My home is not with you.” I countered. “It never was. I moved out. Long time ago.  _Your_ husband persuaded me to not come back.”

            “Fandral was insistent that I come and that we talk.”

            “I’m sorry you feel forced to be here,” I stated without pity. “How is your new home and man?”

            “Wonderful. I’m…happy with him.” She paused, hands clasping. “I’m not forced to be here. I’ve wanted to see you. I’ve missed you so much.”

            “Don’t…” I shook. “Don’t do that.”

            “I didn’t know about…much, until I was told recently. But, this war. They say you're Odin's first step.”

            “I’ve made sure you didn’t know certain things. Getting to know your daughter was never in your skillset.” I replied, eyes flickering from her briefly. “Are you here to tell me  _I told you so?_ ”

            “Why would I say that?” She was just looking at me.

            “Loki.” I hissed the name. “You never approved of him.”

            “No.” She shook her head. "They called you a hero when you returned from Earth. You saved so many lives."

            “They took my life away from me. My warrior status.” I realized then that my face was still covered in shadows so I stepped closer to the window and let the sun bathe it. “And only returned it when they knew they could mold me after I took the mind stone.”

            “Your beautiful face…” Her eyes drew wide, gazing at my scarred face and body.

            “Are you happy?” I asked. “Truly? I’m set to marry Thor, just as you wanted. I brought honor and glory to Asgard countless times when I fought on Earth and when I killed in their name across the realms. I helped bring down Loki when he betrayed us…I tried to kill myself. Did you know?”

            “Yes.” She swallowed. “Not till long after. They said you were attacked…but rumors spread. Neighbors offered me details about you and that elf. Magical creatures, aren't they? Always so good with words. So beautiful too. Terrible thing to have to hide so much of it in a harsh world. Mixed children never fit in. I wish I could tell you...”

            “ _Nerien!_ ” I snapped without listening to what she was _really_ saying.

            “Fandral told me…you lost your memories. He told me a lot today.”

            “They knew I wouldn’t want you to bother with me any longer by that time.”

            “I wish you had told me.” She frowned, eyes soft.

            “I wish I trusted you enough to,” I countered. “Why did you come?”

            “I wanted to see you…” She stepped closer and I didn’t move. “I wanted to be here for you.”

            “Why now?” I asked, snapping slightly. “Why not sooner…? I needed you. I needed you long before this. I needed you when Nerien changed my life. I needed you when Loki betrayed me. I needed you when the stone began to kill me… I’m dying again and I needed you… I needed you when your first husband beat me…crawled into my bed…touched me. You  _knew_.”

            “Not till after…when you drew a picture no child should draw. I burned every sketchbook in our house.”

            I could not remember such an occasion. I was so young.

            “You made me hide parts of myself and called me ungrateful for feeling what I felt.” I about seethed.

            “I am so sorry. I am. I…you stopped opening up and I… I wanted to ask your forgiveness so many times. I was ashamed. I let a monster harm my child.” She trembled and I remained composed.

            “Forgive you?” I tried to scoff. “We only show shame in front of others when we are caught. You helped kill me and let me take all the hurt and blame… You helped me kill your daughter and turned aside when I needed you. I’ve waited for you for so long.” My eyes filled with tears before I forced out my next words. “ _I’ve done so many terrible things…_  I wanted to make you proud.”

            “I am proud of you… I am so proud of you. You’ve made your own way.” She stepped closer and this time I did as well. “You do so much good, regardless. I should have supported you and been there for you. You are my daughter…you are. I love you so much. There are things I hid to keep you safe and...it wasn't enough. There are things I can never tell you. I haven’t been there and everything I’ve done…I just…I just wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be so  _happy_. I should have seen this all much sooner.” She began to softly weep and I felt myself crumbled before I rushed toward her. “I can’t make up for the things I’ve done. I just wanted you to know…that I am so sorry and I love you…and I just want you to be so happy. Oh, my baby.” Her embrace was warm when I wept into it, face buried.

            “ _I really loved him, mommy…_ ” I cried and she nodded.

            “I know you did. You are so strong.” She replied, holding me to her. “I’m here now.”

            “I need you…to admit it. Just once.” I leaned back, rubbing my arm against my cheek.

            “You’re my daughter…you’re mentally unwell and I love you. I am proud. I just want you do do what makes you happiest and I should have made you believe that much earlier.” My mother hugged me again and for once, I found myself responding to her love. I tried to forgive her. Just a small bit. As much as I could to get by. My heart ached and shuddered when her words flooded it. We cried for each other and for ourselves. For what passed and for what will come. Finally, when I was all cried out, I let out a breath and spoke.

            “I love you as well,” I managed, before my lips pressed upward with relief I hadn’t known in my many years of life. “I love you, mom.”

** ** **

            My mother left to go home the next day with the comfort and relief that we could go on. Both of us. Reassured that no matter what happened, all in our relationship could be well. Or something close to it. Seated in my room, I added her name to the list before crossing it out and bringing Naaki to my chest. It was painful to stand but the stone kept me going as I kissed Naaki’s head and left her in my room. The darkening night was filed with celebrations in pubs from our success on Vanaheim. I found Thor speaking quietly with Sif off to the side and left them alone until he turned to go elsewhere. Sif looked beautiful and I kissed her cheek in greeting. I enjoyed drinks with my friends and raised my mug to Alistair across the room speaking with Ysolda. She giggled at something he said and made him smile when she responded. It was a welcomed sight. The notion of them enjoying each other’s company was just fine with me. Thor seemed so rested this night, smiling only with sad affection at the friends around him. He joined me and I turned my head as he kissed my temple.

            “Feeling alright?” He asked then.

            “Peaceful…” I mused evenly. “Will you join me for a walk?”

            “Of course.” Thor followed me out and I sighed, looking at the stars. Beautiful.

            “They say the Convergence is upon us.” I turned to him. “A brave new age for Asgard and this occurs simultaneously. A fit time for a wedding.”

            “They would think so.” Thor chuckled. “With the realms aligning.”

            “Can I show you something?” I reached for his hand and felt trusted when he took it. “Can you feel it?” The stone’s light swirled about my legs before I lifted and brought Thor with me. Like I was swimming underwater with grace, I brought Thor higher and sighed as golden light enveloped us. “Different from when you soar with Mjolnir.”

            “Quite,” he glanced from me to the stars and I shifted, bringing him along with me. Thor stared ahead of us, at the night sky. The traces of hope there. Somewhere. I peered at him and for a moment, I wanted him to look back at me. Shrouded by the stone. But, I knew he could not. Not now, or ever. So I turned my head and brought Thor with me over the lands of Asgard until he reached the bifrost. “Why are we here?”

            “We haven’t seen Heimdall in a while.” I shrugged, landing. “Why not pay him a visit?” Thor looked at me and knew my play but he smiled instead and nodded, shifting to go into the Observatory.

            “Heimdall,” I greeted him and came to his side, to look out at the world in front of us. The endless abyss of stars and beauty.

            “Missing your festivities?” He inquired to us and Thor chuckled.

            “Merriment can often be a heavier burden than battle.”

            “Then you must be doing one wrong,” Heimdall replied, causing me to chuckle.

            “Perhaps. How fare the stars?” Thor watched Heimdall shift to drive his sword into the middle of the Observatory. The Tesseract called to me and the mind stone sang in response. My chest heaved and vibrated.

            “Still shining. From here I can see nine realms and ten trillion souls.”

            “The Convergence?” I watched Heimdall, golden armor gleaming in this light.

            “The universe hasn’t seen this marvel in five thousand years. Few can sense it, even fewer can see it. But while its effects can be dangerous, it is truly beautiful.” Heimdall’s gold eyes twinkled with untold wonders and I looked at Thor.

            “You’ve brought peace to the realms. Perhaps, now you can go forth and seek out some of your own. Your gaze no longer dwells just on Asgard.” I touched his arm and Heimdall watched us. “Jane Foster.”

            “She’s clever, your mortal. She studies the Convergence as well though she does not know it.” Heimdall added and I pressed Thor to the opening.

            “I’ll cover for you.” I insisted and Thor shook his head but I hushed him and went on. “I know you don’t love this Jane Foster, but you miss her and you miss Midgard dearly. You saw all that possibility and freedom…hard things to just let go. I want you to be happy. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you, Thor.”

            “You and I are not finished.”

            “Perhaps. But, my time is closing and I swore to myself that I would do what I could to go out well…get closure. We are Avengers. Warriors of Asgard. Great friends. We fought together and loved plenty. The realms need you, but they do not control you. I’ve learned that from the stone.”

            “I want to see you through this,” Thor’s knuckle traced my cheek and I felt whole.

            “You have.” I paused. “Heimdall.” My words caused the gatekeeper to open the bifrost. Swirling glimmers engulfed the area behind Thor. Something in my chest shuddered suddenly and I gasped as the stone unfolded, reaching out to something I couldn’t see beyond the blind of lights.

            “Jane Foster. I saw her a moment ago…” Heimdall uttered. “She disappeared.” This caused Thor to come to full attention.

            “ _What_?” I could feel that he remembered the last time Heimdall’s gaze lost someone. Me. After I’d taken an infinity gem.

            “You don’t have much time, Thor,” I breathed. “I especially do not. I love you. So very much,” I took the back of his head and leaned in but kissed his jaw at the last moment. “We are forever teammates. It’s time for us to let go now.”

            “Live,” he begged.

            “I have.” I smiled, sweet and wide before I pressed my hands against his chest and gave him a hard push over the side of the Observatory. Thor reached out and I did not reach back when he flew backwards before the lights grasped for him and swallowed. My smile didn’t end when we lost sight of each other and he disappeared as the portal closed. Trembling, I stared to where he’d disappeared to before I scoffed.

            “Asgard should enjoy their peace tonight. Tomorrow will bring new excitement.” Heimdall voice quietly.

            “Have I just committed treason?”

            “In truth, I’m not even sure.” Heimdall mused as I turned to him, sniffing back blood before it could drip from my nose. “Do you have regrets?”

            “Many,” I breathed. “But none matter right now.” I pulled the journal from my pocket and struck Thor’s name from it. Only a few remained that I had been unsure of taking off. Fandral, my best friend who I struggled to part with but I crossed him anyways. Frigga. And Loki. “I will miss you, Heimdall.”

            “The realms will miss you,” he replied, “but, they will not compare to the small number of hearts you have tangled yourself into.”

            “No,” I spoke, “they will not. I have but I few more things to do.”

            “It won’t be that simple,” Heimdall’s lips turned up at me and I smiled weakly in return.

            “It never is.” My grin spread with a sense of excitement. “I cannot wait. I’ve gone on many adventures. But, dying as myself could the greatest. Faleen and Moira will find comfort. Elise will continue on without fear holding her back. Alistair will find genuine peace. Ysolda can be herself. Sif will thrive. Fandral eyes will be bright again. Hogun will find balance. Volstagg can continue to spread his compassion. And Thor will always have a choice in what he does.”

            “And Loki?”

            “I have protected Loki in this last year from those trying to end him. In secret and not. I won’t force him to mold into a hero, nor can I constantly point him in the direction of goodness. Ultimately, we cannot be responsible for each other any longer. Our paths met, entwined together, but they cannot force the other further…and that’s just fine. We cannot consume each other to stay together or pretend to be what the other desires. Love isn't just consumption, it's an act of hope and growth. It's about looking within yourself and healing. We increase and plateau and continue together without force. I wish he understood that sooner. I have to do what is right and I hope that one day he reflects and wants such a thing as well. Hard as it can be.”

            The stars greeted me when I left the bifrost and flew up toward the sky. They did not offer me answers and for the first time, I took comfort in their silence as I gazed up toward their untold numbers. I sighed against them and let bliss flow with the poisonous stone dwelling inside me. One final adventure drew near and I could accept that much. Asgard shined below me kindly. I lived here. I hoped here. I loved here.

            It would be alright if I died here as well.

            It would be fine. Perfectly so.

            For I was the messiah, sent to deliver those around me.

            Many had loved me and I touched the stars to love back.

            Slowly, I began to feel the way someone should as their end drew near.

             _Ready_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor 2 is next! Like all movie prompts, creative liberties taken. Thank you for reading guys! <3


	28. Dark World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor 2 Prompt! Asgard is threatened by a mysterious enemy when another Infinity Gems shows itself. Gods band together with a certain mortal scientist for another adventure. The Lady, Thor, and Loki are forced to resolve their unfinished business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually love writing Jane Foster with the Lady. Huge things twist and happen with her when I really start to branch off from the movies. ((Much is taken from a certain comic storyline)) This will follow the film kind of except for one or two huge things that...I took liberties over. This is the last prompt of this Phase before Phase Five: Metamorphosis!

           Midnight fell in Asgard.

           It was midnight when I soared toward the stars with acceptance that soon I will die.

           It was midnight when Thor took Jane’s face in his hand and smiled before the storm. Danger would come for them.

           It was midnight when Frigga trailed her fingers along her all seeing mirror. The end was drawing itself within the image.

           It was midnight when Loki reclined to recall his first memories of the one he loved. Just a boy, he remembered thinking that she looked like a doll with her curls and that she was beautiful.

           It was midnight when Moira pulled Faleen into bed, exhales were shared just before a kiss. Well-deserved bliss would come. Eventually.

           It was midnight when Elise sat busying away with sketches. Eager to prove herself before she lifted a tool to her silver arm.

           It was midnight when Fandral caught himself smiling at Sif, the party dwindled around them. Her smile in return brought air into his lungs.

           It was midnight when Odin sat alone on his golden throne, embracing the darkness of the room with his head in his hands. The air grew heavy around him.

           It was midnight when the gears of one great adventure began to spin together in a single perfect motion.

** ** **

     The bright lights of the bifrost engulfed the sky behind me so I lowered to the bridge. Curiosity gripped at my flesh before I soared forward to see Thor standing there.

     “Five minutes?” I cocked my head. “Really, Thor, I’m trying to have my own revelation with the stars and do I have to push you… _again_?” My voice trailed off when a shorter woman I’d seen in Thor’s head many times rounded him. Our gazes met and her big, sparkling eyes grew wide at me. Gold shined against the brown hues of them. The soul within her was its own galaxy, full of wonders. Something inside my chest snapped around my heart and I took a shaken step toward her. “Jane Foster.”

      _Can you feel that?_

_The way her veins hummed._

_The way the tesseract whispered behind us._

_The way the mind stone bloomed inside me._

     “Do you know me?” She asked in awe before she realized it. “You’re Psyche! From T.V.”

     “Doctor Jane Foster, Thor calls you. The woman of science.” I repeated and this time she nodded. My breath had not come back fully, shorted by the possibility. No, the realization of what I was feeling. Thor felt it too as he gazed at me, bewildered. “It cannot be…” My step forward was reluctant and I heard her gasp when my eyes changed without warning before I cocked my head. “Cannot be joined or kept apart, they said… They warned me. No…this is wrong, this wasn’t supposed to…” I drew my hand toward her and instead clenched my fist when she looked up at Thor, unmoving and without fear of me. Curiosity, perhaps.

      _Kill her._ This new voice was certainly not one of mine. It coiled around my brain like vines. While the mind stone still consumed me. 

     “I will not,” I replied aloud and Thor came to me with a questioning glance. “Something has changed.” My eyes drained with power that flooded my veins with light briefly before retreating deep inside me.

     “She has no recollection of what happened,” he eased, touching my arm to slowly bring it down.  _Thor Odinson, I do believe you are frightened_ , my thoughts trickled in slow waves. “We will put her on the soul forge. Wake the healers.”

     “Knowing your mother as I do now,” I chuckled to myself, pulling from his grasp. “They are already waiting for us. You see it too, do you not?”

     “We cannot make assumptions,” Thor whispered and I mouthed a silent response, my teeth pressing.

     “ _Someone already has._ ”

     “Still here,” Jane piped up.

     “I can-”

     “It’s too dangerous,” Thor gently cut over me and I exhaled at him, nodding.

     “Wow…” Jane had already passed us to view Heimdall, silent, and the vision of Asgard behind him.

     “Welcome, Jane Foster,” he smirked at her, amused by her fascination and I tugged at Thor’s wrist to mutter something but he was gazing at her. His friend and companion from Earth. Instantly, I let him slip through my fingers so he could go to her instead. I stared at the perfect hue of his blond tresses from behind him and felt finally as Loki did.  _Fools_.

_Take the Tesseract in your hand._

_Rip the gem from her heart._

_You will know peace._

_You can be free._

_You can be feared._

     “You’ll need to dress like us,” I sounded in a different tone, breaking Jane from her daze. “You look about Moira’s size. I’ll meet you in the healing room…avoid your father for as long as you can.”

     “Not sure you should be saying that in front of me,” Heimdall muttered, half serious.

     “You let her pass you, my dear gatekeeper,” I countered in return before I smiled with a touch of force. I gave her my true gifted name and bowed my head. “Psyche is a stage name of sorts given to me by Tony Stark.”

     “Nice to meet you,” Jane returned and I cleared my throat as Thor beckoned for her but I sighed.  _I am so sorry that this is happening to you, Jane Foster._

     “You didn’t tell her.” I stopped them and tried not to choke, eyes on the floor.

     “I was getting to it.” Thor swallowed and Jane glanced from him to me.

     “You’ll need to before you bring her out there.” I insisted and he struggled for words.

     “Jane,” Thor began, “this is complicated.”

     “More complicated than the fact that I don’t remember the last five hours of my life and some… _thing_ inside me tossed a group of police flying twenty feet backwards?”

     “We’re engaged,” he cleared his throat.

     “…Oh.” Her eyebrows raised.

     “It isn’t-”

     “We’re not…” I paused when Thor spoke at the same time I did again, but he nodded for me. “It’s…for show.”

     “You told me she was engaged to  _him_ ,” Jane muttered, turning to step toward Thor’s frame.

     “She was. That time I was on Earth. It is why we entered into…this. To keep the peace. Politics.”

     “Thor, we don’t have much time before Odin finds out about this,” I instead ushered him out, peering at Jane as I did. “Forgive this introduction to Asgard…I’m certain you imagined it…differently.” Something shined behind Jane’s eyes and I forced myself to stay back when my chest grew tight.

      _Open her chest._

     “ _Quiet_.” I hissed to myself, my head jerking to gaze elsewhere and Thor turned to peer at me.

     “All right?” He blinked and I forced a smile.

      _Take out her heart._

     “I am fine.” I nodded, pressing my hand on something to steady myself. “I’ll meet you both. Go.” Thor flew off with Jane and my fingers clenched before Heimdall settled his hand over mine to gently pull it from the device holding the Tesseract. “Worried, Heimdall?” I read him easily and did not pull away to instead let him drop his hand from mine.

     “Certainly not,” his golden eyes shined into my own as I turned and took one step backwards. “Though, I wonder if it is wise to let you live now.” I smiled at that, shrugging.

     “I’ll let you know.” Magic lifted me while I turned and rushed toward the palace in a flash of soft light to meet Thor.

     Behind me, the Convergence shifted closer together, the breathtaking site of different worlds soon to align.

     Jane Foster took an Infinity Gem into her body and lived. How remarkable.

      _How convenient._

      _Three down_ , I thought,  _your move_.

** ** **

     A few healers rushed around in robes tossed over their night clothing, speeding toward the healing room. Moira spotted me when she turned the corner with a gown in her arms. I caught sight of her neck and smirked when she huffed in the doorway.

     “I got out of bed for this?” She tilted her head as two ladies-in-waiting took the dress from her and rushed off to prepare a room for Jane.

     “Love marks, Moira? They really do look divine on you,” I pointed and she swatted my hand away to open the door. “Believe me this will be worth it,” I settled my hand over her arm to make her pause. “Trust me?”  Moira quirked up an eyebrow and I nodded, letting her go to enter the room. Eir and Elisif helped Jane into position on the soul forge.

     “Be still, please,” Eir let a breath out her nose. Jane craned her neck to look at the technology around her. Lights engulfed the surface underneath her body as the soul forge jumped to life, energy fields rose to swirl around Jane’s body and Thor stepped closer to get a better look.

     “It’ll be a few moments.” Elisif traced her fingers along a small pad and exhaled, beckoning me over with one finger. “We found someone sleeping in the other room on a desk.”

     “Who?” I turned to see Elise smiling sheepishly when she rubbed a fist against her cheek and yawned.

     “I was just…tinkering with my arm…and I fell asleep,” she explained.

     “ _Mmhm_ ,” Elisif’s brow rose in disbelief.

     “I was!” Elise crossed her arms.

     “We’ll talk about this later,” I chuckled and nodded for her to come closer before I whispered. “Also, you’re a better liar than that. Tinkering? Really?”

     “I know,” she exhaled and I let amusement set me at ease as light shaped above Jane to take on her likeness. Something dark swirled within the form like her body was a glass case holding smoke. It was alive and very familiar.

     “I just got engaged,” Moira groaned silently.

     “Yes, I’m starting to think engagements are a curse around here,” I didn’t take my eyes from the living entity inside her. “Well, which one is it?” I tapped my foot a little and Thor stared at it with a hard look.

     “Which  _one_ , you said?” Eir looked up at me and Jane was wide eyed at this thing.

     “I mean,” I faked a demure stance and clasped my fingers behind my back. “What is it?” Healers turned to look at me and Elisif hummed again.

     “And you think Elise is the terrible liar?"

     “Well, I think we all are making the same connection to what it looks like,” I gestured to the mass of darkness and Thor shook his head. Jane lifted her arms to touch the energy and Eir tried to stop her.

     “This is not of Earth.” Thor began. “What is it?”

     “The amount of energy surging with her is…insurmountable.” Elisif replied and Moira peered over her shoulder. Asta lifted her hands to the cloud to read it and nodded.

     “She cannot…overcome this,” her words where careful.

     “Meaning I shouldn’t be alive,” Jane noted and Asta clasped her hands.

     “Forgive me.”

     “Is this a quantum field generator?” Jane asked then as Eir busied away with work.

     “It’s a soul forge.” She replied shortly.

     “Does a soul forge transfer molecular energy from one place to another?” Jane clasped her hands on her stomach and every healer around her faltered.

     “Yes…” Eir lowered her hands and Jane smiled to herself, looking at Thor.

     “Quantum field generator,” she corrected and Thor beamed with affection back at her as if she held the power to bring him the bliss he’d coveted all his life. Bliss in a relationship that could take any form and still be just as important. Romance mattered not. I backed up from my friends as if to ensure Thor didn’t notice me watching him like I would break his daze.

     “It doesn’t look like yours,” Elise noted softly, hesitant.

     “She is right,” Elisif nodded.

     “So we all agree it’s an infinity gem now?” I leaned against the wall. “It looks like a mass of smoke. Like a spirit wandering for a… _oh shit, damn it_.” I gasped and the many looks of question I got brought me back from my realization. “It looks like a spirit wandering in search of a host. Jane was likely the first warm body to touch it in…eons. It latched to her easily and now…it dwells there…waiting to use you or find someone better. Mine…it’s more solid…sitting behind my heart until I might use it. The stones…they sense each other with a bond similar to that of siblings.”

     “Hers attacks if threatened,” Thor added, “we must confirm it but, I fear it is too dangerous.”

     “We have to try,” Jane piped up but he shook his head and I huffed to myself.

     “Honestly, you all are _…ugh,_   _fine_ ,” my hand jolted up, clenching into a fist and Jane arched with a gasp. Yellow beams shot up my skin and my eyes turned just as Jane’s did to black and red. "It's calling." My breath trembled and she whispered something in an ancient language she couldn’t possibly have known.

      _“They are coming.”_

“Stop!” Thor urged and Jane sagged as I forced the mind stone back into its place, hidden. He looked down at Jane while she blinked and sat up.

     “How did you-”

     “Months of meditation to…expand my mind,” I crossed my arms again. “I didn’t do anything  _harmful_ , you all can relax. These stones are like beacons.”

     “I can’t even remember what just…” Jane touched her head and shook it.

     “When her gems takes over, it consumes her completely. There is no control. Despite that, for a mortal to be able to…” I exhaled, astounded as Moira touched my shoulder.

     “I saw something…it was like a memory but it wasn’t mine.”

     “You’re a powerful being now,” I cut over Jane quick, rubbing my wrist. “There are bound to be side effects.”

     “What did you see?” Thor inquired and I subtly shook my head as if to plead when Jane’s eyes drew to me.

     “Can’t remember,” she answered, “it was a haze.”

     “Oh, hell,” I muttered when I felt something surge up my spine. “Hide her,” my hiss caused everyone to begin shutting everything down with haste. Jane shifted to stand but the doors opened and Odin strode in. He didn’t notice me when the doors blocked his view. I could tell by his tense shoulders that he was upset.

     “My words are mere noises to you that you ignore them completely?” He regarded Thor and didn’t acknowledge Jane sitting on the soul forge still.

     “She is ill,” Thor turned to face his father, setting himself between him and Jane.

     “She is  _mortal_ ,” Odin almost spat the word and I narrowed my gaze. The King waved his hand to dissipate the energy fields completely and approached Thor. “Illness is their defining trait.”

     “As sleeping when it isn’t convenient is yours,” I muttered and Odin turned sharply to see me beam a little and shrug at him. Silence followed so I straighten up and stepped forward.

     “You’re involved. No surprise.” His eye drew to mine and stayed locked there.

     “Can I not surprise you anymore, my dear King?” I slunk toward him like a viper in a sudden motion and stopped just short of his body. Odin didn’t flinch at me, face flat with an expression that couldn’t be bothered by my play. “I shall put much care into remedying that.”

     “You encouraged this.” It was not a question.

     “Where did this disdain of mortals come from, Odin?” I addressed him informally and hummed in question. "Afraid to pull your heir's focus when you finally have him back? Or perhaps, you know what is coming."

     “She belongs with her people.”

     “You cared more about mortals when your younger son was threatening them and now your elder son brings a sick one home and you’re…displeased. Disgusted. Fearful. Forgive me, I’m blanking on the right word. You honestly wonder why both of them grew up so very  _confused_.” Now that upset him.

     “You’re barely able to handle the weight of your own emotions-”

     “ _Enough_ ,” Thor moved between us and touched my shoulder.

     “He knows something,” I seethed lowly and Thor exhaled. “He always does.”

     “I brought her here so that we might help her,” he turned to his father and tried to ease the situation. Odin passed us to round the platform Jane was on, his steps heavy.

     “She does not belong here in Asgard any more than a goat belongs at a banquet table.”

     “Did he just…?” Jane’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “Who do you think you are?” Her voice raised and Odin sharply turned to peer at her finally.

     “Thor, you sure pick your mortal friends well,” I muttered, getting up on my toes to reach his ear. Idly, I swept some blond hair behind his shoulders and let my fingers graze the back of his neck.

_Make him your ally. Your pet._

_No._

     “I am Odin. King of Asgard. Protector of the Nine Realms.” Odin brought himself a little higher.

     “Keeper of secrets.” I added and Odin shot me a flat look of warning.

     “Right,” Jane faltered, “well, I’m…not a goat.”

     “I know very well who you are. Jane Foster.” Odin moved and Jane looked to Thor, smiling subtly.

     “You told your dad about me?”

     “He told  _everyone_  about you,” I nudged Thor’s side and passed him.

     “I don’t…” He cleared his throat and shook his head, trying once more for Odin to believe him. “Something is within her, father. Something I have not seen-”

     “Her world has its healers, they’re called doctors, let them deal with it.” Odin called out then. “Guards! Take her back to Midgard!” Two men in armor approached so Thor tried to stop Odin but realization brought him back to Jane as her arm was grabbed. I tried to look away but sick curiosity kept me from stopping any of this while I pulled Moira and Elise behind my back.

     “Hey!” Jane struggled

     “No, I would not-!” A blast of red and black sent the guards away and Thor hurried to Jane as she fell back against the pad, “touch her…” He finished before he leaned over her, a broad palm touched her face. Elise set her hand on me and broke my daze. “Jane, are you all right?”

     “This is bad,” I muttered to Moira.

     “No kidding, it isn’t like yours.” She replied quietly.

     “I don’t know which one it is,” I stood taller. Odin came to Jane’s side, realizing the gravity of this all. “But, you do. I know you do.” He hovered his hand over her arm to watch the red light curl under her skin.

     “It’s impossible,” Odin shook his head when I came closer to see.

     “The infection…it’s defending her,” Eir suggested.

     “Close,” I sighed and Thor nodded.

     “It’s defending itself,” he pressed his lips. Odin stood taller and made his decision as Jane looked to him with tired eyes, dazed.

     “Come with me,” he spun on his heel and Thor helped Jane up. Odin urged my name and waved his hand for me to follow. It surprised me. _First step._ I walked in stride with him while Thor and Jane followed behind. “What can you tell me from your studies?”

     “Next to nothing new, I can’t figure what it wants and touching her may be…unwise for me. It calls to me like the Tesseract before it and I find my body and mind…echoing those calls.” Odin beckoned for my arm as he walked and yellow light rushed up it from his contact. A dull ache centered in my heart and flooded away just as fast.

     “If this is what you think it is…what is it doing to me?” Jane asked, Odin and I stopped to face her.

     “It is killing you,” I replied truthfully.

     “Because I’m human and you’re not?” Jane wondered and I shook my head.

     “Mine is killing me as well…just slower.” I exhaled and Jane stared at my eyes, her eyebrows lifting. Thor didn’t speak.

     “This way,” Odin’s hand touched my back and I let him speed us toward a Hall of Science. The massive room was laced in soft lights from a projection of Yggdrasil in the floor. “There are relics that predate the universe itself. What lies within her appears to be one of them. An Infinity Gem as my first step called it. The Nine Realms are not eternal. They had a dawn, as they will have a dusk. But before that dawn, the dark forces, the Dark Elves, reigned absolute and unchallenged.” Odin left us to retrieve a book from a locked case before opening it on a desk. Thor and Jane shifted closer as I crossed my arms to listen.

     “Born of the eternal night…” Thor recited from the pages and I smirked to myself, finishing it.

     “The Dark Elves come to steal away your light…” My breaths came slowly and Thor nodded.

     “They were these stories; mother told them to us as children.” He explained to Jane as she distractedly looked over the golden pages.

     “Their leader, Malekith, had a weapon out of that darkness, it was called the Aether. While the other relics often appear as stones, the Aether is fluid, and ever changing. It changes matter into dark matter, and seeks out host bodies, drawing strength from their life force. The Aether alters reality itself."

      "Reality Gem?" I offered and he nodded once.

      "Malekith sought to use the Aether’s power to return the universe to one of darkness. But, after eternities of bloodshed, my father Bor finally triumphed; ushering in a peace that lasted thousands of years.” Odin went on and I touched my chin.

     “The Aether…” I repeated its name. “With the power to bend reality. The third infinity gem to appear in centuries within in short span of a year or so. Mind. Space. Reality. Convenient.”  

     “What happened?” Jane asked, pulling her coat closer.

     “He killed them all.” Odin traced his fingers along a page.

     “Are you certain? The Aether was said to have been destroyed with them, and yet here it is.” Thor gestured.

     “We must destroy it now or lock it away,” I added.

     “The Dark Elves are dead.” Odin’s voice was hard.

     “Does your book happen to mention how to get it out of me?” Jane asked and Odin appeared grave.

     “No,” he shut the book, “it does not.”

     “We should speak with Frigga,” I paused and blinked, turning to Odin. “Where is Frigga now anyways? I’m a little surprised she didn’t show up here.” Outside, the lights of the bifrost opened against the dark sky before closing. “New prisoners.”

     “Hopefully the last of them,” Thor added.

     “Frigga was needed elsewhere.” Odin replied, coming to the window to see.

     “I’m sure,” I came to his side. “Someone  _else_  must have needed tending.” Odin peered at me and my words dawned on him before he let out a sharp breath.

     “No matter,” he looked to his son. “She can stay here tonight. Get her to rest and keep her from the others. It’s too dangerous. We’ll look more into this in the morning.”

     “I must speak with mother,” Thor decided and I nodded.

     “I can take Jane to her room. Show her around.” I gestured for him to go but he paused to look at Jane.

     “Straight to her room,” Odin told me.

     “Yes, of course, your majesty,” I waited for him to leave and Thor hesitated before following, unable to think of the words to tell Jane that he was so sorry. Jane watched him, disappointed and shifted her stance while I dropped my arms. “I’m showing you around.”

     “Oh? Thank you.”

     “Don’t think too much of Thor right now. His mind has been…clouded. He’s worried for you.” I had her follow me out. “Most everyone has been out celebrating still. You’ve seen the healing room. A marvel, is it not?”

     “I can’t believe this all…exists. This world outside ours.”

     “You studied much of our world without knowing it.” I opened the door to the library. “If you’d like, you can choose a few books to bring back to your room.”

     “Or this…could be my room.” She was in awe and I chuckled. Jane eagerly shifted through shelves and paused. “Magic books. This can’t be real.” Already in her arms were a small pile of heavy tomes. “How does it work? Can’t be pulling a rabbit out of a hat.”

     “I’m not sure why a sorcerer would like to do such a thing but…no. Those who use magic simply…have an understanding with the world around them in relation to themselves that isn’t like a nonuser. They can bend aspects of the world to their will. Unseen energy. The elements. The living and the dead.”

     “Necromancy?”

     “I’ve never been a fan, personally. Though, through my abilities… An empty body without a soul is…an empty vessel in my gaze. One wonders what I could do with that. Not me, of course. I'm evolved.” I clasped my hands, chuckling. “Magic is always a give and take. Often the expense is…very high. Some give over their entire bodies for the rush of power. It’s a dangerous gamble really.”

     “And the Convergence,” Jane was setting her pile onto a table, “these worlds we all read about as kids are real and now they have access to each other without the bifrost?”

     “Yes, though, the bifrost has been proven now to not be the only way to travel between worlds. Our King and Queen understand the ways of dark magic and they used it to transport Thor and I to Earth.”

     “Only them?”

     “Well, there is one other who can do it without such dark magic.” I clasped my hands behind my back. “I should thank you for not revealing what you saw to the healers. I suppose the mind gem and the Aether are…attuned well to each other. I pushed in and without thinking, you pushed back.”

     “So that was your memory?” Jane confirmed and I nodded. “It was strange, I actually felt…”

     “Yes, I imagine you did.”

     “No one’s ever been able to push you back out?”

     “No one has been more powerful than I since the mind gem…in that light at least. The Aether is one of the six most powerful objects in the nine realms, created long before the birth of Yggdrasil. The Norns showed me things that would have driven any other mad.” _As if I am not._

"Norns?"

     "They are like seers of all fate. Living in the space between the realms."

     “You call them infinity gems.” She went on.

     “Yes, they were…born under different circumstance but if brought together, one could rule and destroy everything we’ve known. We grew up thinking most were gone and made of mere legends. But, we were wrong. I seek to rid the worlds of them or ensure their safety as they come to light. Even destroying one could save countless lives.”

     “Why did you take that one, then?” Jane looked up from her book.

     “Because it asked me to.” I replied evenly, truthful. She turned in question but did not push. “Come, let’s get you to a room.” Jane shuffled to pick up her stack and followed after me. “The palace is safe and fully equipped with anything you need. Try not to wander and if you do…enjoy the technology.” I laughed to myself. “Try not to break anything but I trust you’ll have care.”

     “Got it.” We rounded a corner and I paused, smiling.

     “Alistair, you’re back. I trust you had a good night with the others?”

     “Cannot complain, princess.”

     “He just calls me that,” I explained to Jane. “Alistair, this is-”

     “Jane Foster, everyone is talking.” He pressed his lips and drew them up before bowing.

     “Nice to meet you.” She glanced from him to me.

     “We need to ensure she’s safe for now and we’ll…figure everything else tomorrow. You needn’t watch me tonight, I have somewhere to be in the early morning.” I smiled and Alistair nodded.

     “Goodnight.”

     “This way,” I bid Alistair goodbye and took Jane to her room. “The ladies left you a few gowns and necessities for tomorrow. Are you hungry?”

     “No, thank you.” She set her books on a desk and took in the room. “The Aether…” Jane faced me and hesitated. “Sometimes, I think I’m hearing things.”

     “This is regretfully normal. And it will get worse depending on the state of your mind.”

     “I’m not ready to-”

     “You won’t. We’ll ensure it.”

     “It’s…funny. I was on the verge of a breakthrough and this…”

     “Scientific knowledge, like magic, warrants a price.” I offered and Jane nodded.

     “Are you trying to get yours out?” She asked and I sighed.

     “I am trying to keep anyone else from getting it. It is too dangerous. Even for me at times. The stones can be…intoxicating.” I rubbed my hands together and clasped them, fingers squeezing. “As my life dwindles, I am trying to focus on what is most important. I think it helps.”

     “I think that I would retreat deeper into my work.”

     “Oh? That I can understand.” I nodded. “It’s easier to focus on what you can control. What you know best.”

     “I couldn’t stand leaving them all behind,” Jane paused. “I’d be too afraid to miss someone. To feel unfinished.”

     “Miss someone?” I swallowed the lump in my throat before something connected in my heart and mind. “Yes. I cannot tell you to not worry but I can tell you to trust that Thor and I will do everything to fix this.” Jane tilted her lips up and nodded.

     “Thank you.”

     “I’ll leave you to it, but first,” I pulled a white pad from a shelf and offered it to her. “Something basic to help you in your studies.”

     “Oh?” Jane set her finger against it and it turned on, swirling light formed a hologram of Asgard.

     “Don’t tell anyone I gave you that, you just found it in the room.” I watched her snicker.

     “Of course.”

     “Goodnight. I’m certain we’ll talk tomorrow, Lady Foster.” I touched the door and paused.

     "Jane is fine."

     "Jane, then," I beamed. "Is it odd that I’m…glad someone else understands? The stones…they show you things you can’t believe. I am sorry that you are here under these circumstances.” Jane looked at me and nodded, lowering her eyes.

     “Me too.” After a goodbye, I shut the door and made my way to my room.

      _“Why come here?”_ Nerien touched my shoulder. “ _You know. You know what your heart pulls to.”_

     “I know.” I whispered aloud. “I can’t.”

     After a potion, sleep came instantly.

** ** **

     “ _Psyche_.”

     With a jerk, I woke later than intended as the sun rose and readied quickly for the day. Frankly, it was tiring while I overdid my fashion and makeup to keep the intimidating appearance up. After feeding Naaki, I rushed to Jane’s room to see it already empty. Pulling a somewhat transparent cloak over my done up outfit, I paced out toward the bustling streets along the palace grounds. It was beautiful here. I knew where I was to go but, I was too afraid.  _I need to be strong._  The sun caught my hair before I disappeared behind a row of columns when I spotted Thor and Jane. Above the crowds on a ledge overlooking a small waterfront and fountain. Climbing the stairs, I could hear them speaking.

     “The Nine Realms travel within Yggdrasil, orbiting Midgard in much of the way your planets orbits the sun. Every five thousand years, the worlds align perfectly and we call this the Convergence.” As I got to the top, I noticed Thor settling his palm over her own. Asgardian attire suited her well. “During this time the borders between worlds become blurred. It’s possible you found one of these points. We are lucky that it remained open. Once the worlds pass out of alignment, the connection is lost.” Thor tilted his hand to signify a connection breaking and I pressed myself against a pillar when they looked at each other with wonder and compassion in their eyes. Thor shifted his eyes to ensure no one saw them before he leaned in for a kiss.

      _Now is your chance to take._

_Do it._

     “ _Stop_ ,” I exhaled, barely audible before I took my eyes away to lean against the marble. I could take. I could be the villain of the story. I debate sometimes now if that is what I’ve become. Or if I’ve always held the capacity to be the antagonist. Perhaps, I was. Perhaps, my story was one of an antagonist doing everything in their power to keep from the path of evil. I could be worse than anything Loki has ever thought. I could feel parts of myself being chipped slowly away; hidden. I was running out of time.

     “ _Look_ ,” Nerien was in front of me, arms trapping me against the pillar. “ _Look and feel.”_  He leaned in and I closed my eyes before he faded.

      _“You cannot forget us,”_  a little girl with rotting grey features, healing still, tugged at my hand before I ripped away to close my eyes, face turning to the side. I needed to nurture her.

      _It isn’t real. It isn’t real._

     “I like the way you explain things,” Jane had replied. “What will happen to me?”

     The worst possible thing you could ever imagine.

     I found myself wishing that I could weep.

     “I’ll find a way to save you, Jane.” Thor swore in the same tone I knew well.

     “Your father said there was-”

     “My father does not know everything.” Thor responded easily.

      _Someone does._

     “Don’t let him hear you say that,” Frigga’s angelic echo was followed by steps. “And you can come out of hiding, dear.” Silence ensued so I shifted out from behind a pillar.

     “I was…just on my way somewhere.” Not a lie. “It’s important.”

     “I’m certain that it can wait,” Frigga smiled at me and looked to Jane. Thor held her hands and brought her forward.

     “Jane Foster, please meet Frigga, Queen of Asgard. My mother.” Thor beamed and Jane appeared startled, stepping from him to set some distance.

     “Hi.” She managed.

     “I’ve heard so much about you, welcome,” Frigga extended her hands for Jane to take.

     “She’d make a great addition to the palace,” I offered, amused at Jane’s sudden shyness.

     “So I’ve heard,” Frigga didn’t let go of Jane and I didn’t hear the next statement because something filled the air around me. A heartbeat, speeding up. It wasn’t mine.  _Loki?_  Turning, I inhaled and blinked before the moment ended and Thor spoke my name.

     “Hm?”

     “We were asking-?”

     “What is wrong?” Frigga cut over her son and I shrugged. “What did you hear?”

     “Frigga, I’ve been hearing a lot of things lately.” 

     “What’s that?” Jane asked. Loud alarms blared in the distance.

     “The prisons.” Frigga clasped her hands as we came to the ledge. Warriors and guards rushed out of the palace below.

     “New prisoners never settle in well,” I sighed.

     “Loki.” Thor whispered without hope or fondness, on guard. My hands tightened and Frigga nodded.

     “Go, I shall look after her.” The Queen watched her son, just as brave as he was when he was a little boy, remove his cloak and fly over the ledge with Mjolnir.

     “I should go with him,” I turned and a shout startled me.

     “ _No!_ ” Frigga’s yell caused me to turn in question. It wasn’t a tone I knew on her. “I mean…I’d like you to remain with us. This way, Jane.” I almost didn’t follow after them. Almost. Frigga took Jane’s arm so my legs moved and I easily caught up with her. Frigga, the most beautiful woman of Asgard. The one who saved my life when I was young. The woman I always felt indebted to. We rushed up a hallway until a line of soldiers passed with the King at their lead.

     “Send a squadron to the weapons vault, defend it at all costs. Seal the dungeon.”

     “Odin,” Frigga called to him and he stopped to see his wife.

     “Frigga,” he regarded her before giving his men and women a command. “Go!” They filed out quickly. “It’s a skirmish. Nothing to fear.”

     “You’ve never been a very good liar,” she teased.

     “Take her to your chambers. I’ll come for you when it’s safe.” Odin promised and behind him, Sif passed with the rest of the warriors. I nodded at her and watched her look past me with an expression of pure intrigue, perhaps, directed at Jane Foster. Jane peered at the warrior and averted her eyes after the moment broke.

     "Your majesty, I am prepared to go out with them." I stood taller and he was gentle.

     "I cannot ask you to give more than you already have." Odin eased. "Your heart could give out or worse."

     “Take care, my love,” Frigga’s tender voice brought me back when she leaned in to kiss Odin sweetly.

     “Despite all I have survived, my Queen still worries for me,” he caressed her cheek with affection and my gaze lowered to the floor.

     “It’s only because I worry over you that you have survived.” Frigga quirked up her brow and Odin pressed his lips, somewhat amused as he turned to go. There was scarcely a beat when he touched my arm, fingers brushing before they dropped.

     “Stay with Frigga,” Odin whispered to me after he read my eyes. Frigga took Jane’s arm again and led us off, passing guards and snatching a scabbard off one’s hip without faltering. Our pace became brisk as we went.

     “Listen to me,” Frigga leaned toward Jane, her eyes between us both. “I need you two to do everything I ask. No questions.”

     “Yes, ma’am,” Jane immediately responded and Frigga looked to me, knowing what I was thinking.

     “Yes, my Queen,” I managed after a moment. It was then that the explosions began and I raced to an open arch. Near the bifrost, I could see flying vehicles, not of our world. Blasts rang out. Alarms blared to warn the people of Asgard. “No…they’re here for the Aether. I need to ensure my friends are-”

     “They shall be fine, this way,” Frigga’s hand snapped around my arm. “The shields are going up now.” Outside, the golden force field began to rise around the palace as I struggled in Frigga’s grasp.

     “They need me!” I urged but she tugged me up a set of stairs. Frigga about slammed me against a wall in a dark corridor and looked into my eyes.

     “Expand yourself. See them now.” Frigga held me in place and Jane worriedly looked outside, the force field was slowing as enemy ships crashed into it and exploded. “Look!” Her voice was harsh. Distantly, I felt myself opening up against the world around me. Moira and Elise found Faleen and retreated into a safer area with the other healers. Alistair was fighting to ensure no man got out of the prisons.

     “Safe. I see them.” Ysolda joined the healers with the rest of the Vanir. “Odin…shouting orders. Fandral. Sif. Volstagg. Thankfully, Hogun is safe on Vanaheim. Thor… Dark elves. They’re getting in.” Something shook the floor before the entire force field fell.  “No! Under the palace. He’s coming!”

     “Don’t stop watching,” Frigga pulled me along and Jane easily kept up. “Loki?”

     “Still in his cell…” I managed out. I could see the fighting, hear the battle cries of fury. “Wait, I…no… watch out!” My connection snapped before the three of us were sent to the floor by a violent tremor. A ship crashing into the palace a few floors under us. I took Jane’s arm over her sleeve and pulled her up. “Are you all right?”

     “Yeah, fine.”

     “Keep calm, the stone will feed off of this.” We followed after Frigga into a large, ornate room. “Frigga…this is hardly-”

     “Come,” she was calm somehow, taking my arm. “You are to watch over her, understand? In here.” A small closet was just around the corner beyond a row of ornate pillars. Jane shuffled inside, shaken as Frigga planted me in the doorway. “Promise me.”

     “I…” I stared at Frigga’s eyes and shuddered. “I promise.”

     “I’ve done all I could for you. You must believe that. I am sorry. There are things yet to be revealed. Things you will understand when the time is right...things that will change you forever.” She took my shoulders and I couldn’t move.

     “I know,” my lip trembled with a caught breath. 

     “You have grown so…I…I am so sorry for what I’ve done. You must not give up. Never.”

     “I said…terrible things to you. I didn’t mean them.” It was when Frigga touched my face that I let my eyes grow wide. Affection and sorrow plunged into my heart and tears crept into my eyes.

     “You can do this, all right? You can.”

     “I… Frigga-”

     “Be good.” Frigga urged, soft and strong. “Not in a way that makes you less than yourself. But, in a way that feels right for you. Fight. Hate. Love. You need all of it. Please, take care of my babies.”

     “Frigga?” I tried again in question.

     “Forgive me, my sweet child.” Without warning, I was pushed backwards by an unseen force before the doors slammed. “No! Frigga!” I pounded against the door and drew nothing. “Frigga!” I grew wild, clawing and screaming before two hands tugged at me.

     “They’ll find us, if you-” Jane’s words caused me to hush and step back.

     “She did it on purpose so that I couldn’t…” I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side before I pressed against the door. “I have to… See…” Blinking, I swallowed and tried to push myself out the room. A commotion caught my ears.  _He’s alive. Odin was wrong…_  The leader, Malekith, with his face scratched by Frigga’s sword, snarled at her. She about glared with confidence and spun to engage him, blades clashed violently.

     “Stand down, creature,” she spat. An illusion of Jane quickly moved to get away from the fight.  _Frigga, please_. The Queen managed to cast the blade from his hand, swinging her own to back him against a wall. He grunted before the sword pressed to his throat. My sigh of relief turned to a gasp when another, strong and humming with familiar power, ripped her up and lifted her from the floor.

     “No…” I shook and punched the door with all my strength. It cracked and I tried to keep my gaze on Frigga.

     “You have taken something, child,” Malekith drew to Jane’s illusion. “Give it back.” When his fingers merely went through her, she disappeared and his anger set in.

     I punched the door again and I knew time was running out. Jane marveled at my strength, hands out to ease my pain but she didn't try to touch me.

     “ _Witch!”_ Malekith spun and Frigga smirked in a way that reminded me of Loki. “Where is the Aether?”

     “I’ll never tell.” Frigga tilted her chin up.

     “She wouldn’t want you to do this,” Jane whispered and my teeth clenched, heart beating faster than it ever has.  _Please. Not this. Please. Frigga._ Her magic sealed us inside this cramped room too well.

     “I believe you.” Malekith offered in response.

     My world crashed down when a blade surged into Frigga’s back. The doors shot open so I charged them and landed against the floor, just in time to see a body tumble limply against it. A terrifying shout sounded before one side of Malekith’s face was scorched by lighting. His partner grabbed him to help him escape and I got to my feet as Thor flew past to chase them, Mjolnir swung out. They crashed over the balcony and made it to their ship but I was too frozen in place to go after them. Frigga was just lying there, a trickle of blood seeped from her lips.

     Her perfect face was serene in death.

      _No._

     “Wake up…” I fell to my knees in front of her. “Frigga?” My distant voice was laced in tremors. Thor turned to take in the sight of his still mother, face scrunching with the weight of rage and sadness overcoming him. But, he did not weep openly. He couldn’t any longer. Always so strong for Asgard. Shaken, I finally reached to touch Frigga’s temple and when I drew nothing, I cracked open. Surging backwards against the stairs, a cry escaped my lips. Agony drew up my throat before I mashed my hands to my mouth as if to stop it. “Frigga, I cannot feel your emotions. Wake up. Stop…using runes to block me out. Stop it.  _Please?”_ I looked up at Thor and started to stand as if to comfort him but fell against the stairs on my knees. A clatter sounded when Odin dropped his spear and came to his fallen wife’s side. A crushed, old man who had lost everything dear to him. He took Frigga in his arms and placed his forehead against hers, stroking her cheek in a heartbreaking motion. Thor still had not moved, turning himself to marble as more warriors filtered in. His head turned and Jane pressed to a pillar, devastated. The heir of Asgard closed his eyes when they watered at last, turning because he couldn't bear this. I finally tried again to get up but two arms pulled me into a warm body as Fandral, looking a messy from battle, held me close.

     “ _Shh_ , I’ve got you,” he hushed me and it felt like the distance that had grown between us had lifted so I began to sob. I struggled and he held me closer, burying his face into the side of my neck so he too could weep. My nails dug into his clothes and skin like talons as I wailed into his shoulder, the sound muffled and ugly. Frigga died to save us.  _No_. She can’t be dead. She was mother to us all. She was invincible. She was the best of us. Odin, summoning up every bit of strength left in his body, picked her up and held her closer to him so that he could walk out. Gasps that followed turned to shouts and cries. Echoing. Our Queen had fallen. The brightest beacon of hope had gone.

     A piece of our realm itself had perished.

** **

     The waters of Asgard were still that dark night when the funerals were prepared for the fallen. I did not speak or seek out my friends as I took quiet steps toward the waterfront, where Odin stood just before Frigga’s boat. She was beautiful even in death. I kept waiting for her to rise and take her broken family in her arms. I saw Thor on a ledge above with that same weighted expression of grief with Jane next to him, full of guilt. I felt it too. Thor had to control himself. Had to keep Asgard together again. Guards stepped in front of me before I could approach Odin but he waved them off and offered me his gloved hand. I took it and stepped into the sand, passing him to see the ornate boat. Discreetly, I laid the folded letter of names crossed out on it. Only a few names were left. Frigga’s and Loki’s.  _Loki_. He should be here. The woman who gave him everything. He should know about this. I settled my hand on the tall curve of the boat before vines crawled across it, flowers bright and blooming along the shawl covering Frigga’s body. Unable to look at her anymore, I turned and Odin nodded at me before they began.

     The boats were cast to join those in Valhalla and I had not stopped walking away from the soft lights echoing against the darkened sky like stars. I couldn’t let myself finish this. Frigga was dead because I could not save her. She was dead because of these damned stones. Tearfully, I realized I was entering the prisons for the first time in weeks. Numb steps brought me down a hallway, I passed two guards and empty cells before I came upon the one around a corner that was still occupied. Loki’s pale face turned while I stood there mutely and I could not help the way my emotions brought my tears to my eyes. His expression was blank. Intrigued. Or maybe bored.  _He doesn’t know about this yet._  It wasn’t fair. There was no affection in his eyes. Not now.

     “It’s…”  _The Queen. Frigga._  “…your mother.” I watched Loki slowly bring the book he was reading into his lap. “We don’t… It’s my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to… We don’t know how he found us so quick. Frigga is… Frigga gave her life to save us all. The one they called Kurse killed her… You needed to know.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them, Loki’s expression had not changed and I knew what his play was. “I don’t know. Perhaps if things were different…with all of us. We could have… I just wanted to ensure you heard it from me.” He gave me a short nod to get me to go so I turned and made it only three steps from his cell before a deafening silence followed. _I am sorry._  I covered my face in my hands to quiet my sob and Loki’s cell was so very quiet. _I am so sorry_. Unable to stop myself, I turned and steadily went back, eyes going blank when I took in the sight. Silence. Tables crashing. Clothes burning away. Fury. Hunger. Pain. A scream that went unheard.

     Not by me.

     I could always hear Loki screaming.

     That terrified him. Even now.

     I hadn’t realized I’d entered the cell until my arms slipped around him from behind. The sound of his screams entered my ears after I crossed the barrier and brought him down to the floor. He was still screaming and crying, glass had cut into his bare foot. Loki beat at my arms but I did not let go before he spun me so that I was under him. Skinny hands pressed into my neck to strangle me as I looked up at him, passive when he yelled in my face.

     “I could kill you right now! I could do it! I could…” Loki’s face broke with another sob. “ _Mother…_ ” A wave of guilt washed over me from him.

     “I’d let you do it…if it would bring her back. But, we both know it will not.”

     “ _Mother_ ,” Loki wept again with more force.

      _You might want to take the stairs to the left…_ A voice entered my brain and I stared into Loki’s eyes, the realization hit me.

     “You…” I breathed. “You think it’s your fault,” I swallowed as his grip loosened. “Maybe it is. Maybe it’s damned fate. Maybe it's on all of us. None of us could have known.” Loki fell against the floor next to me on his hands, planting his head in them to muffle another cry. He pulled himself to the wall, smacking his skull against the hard surface to stifle a scream before I came forward in silence. Black hair fell into Loki’s face, his cell was destroyed. Gently, I waited for him to sag before I brought his bloodied foot into my lap to heal it.

     “You leave me to rot for months and show up now.”

     “I don’t have to stay,” I snapped weakly and his breath pushed some hair from his face. Loki’s head lulled back against the wall, chin tilting up as he looked to the ceiling before setting his eyes on my face.

     “I know.” Loki was quiet for all of five minutes so I finished tending to his cut. “Is it true, what they’ve said? Thor’s little mortal. The… _infection_.” He shifted up onto his legs to draw closer to me. “You know what it is.”

     “Yes.” I cast my eyes to his. “The Aether.”

     “You’re no longer the most special being in Asgard.” Loki scoffed outward. “Is she pretty? This mortal Thor is so taken with.” He pretended not to care.

     “Indeed. With the intelligence to match some of our own.”

     “Your scars have faded so,” Loki drew his pointer and pinky finger up, tracing down each of my cheeks. There it was. The affection.

     “Yours have not.” I observed and Loki tried to smirk. “I must go.”

     “Will you return to me?” He watched me stand. “For me.” Tenderness invaded my expression when I looked down at him and sighed against the silence around us. Without a reply, I turned on my heel to make my way out of the prison only to be stopped by Fandral.

     “There is a small feast to honor the fallen,” he began. “Our friends wondered where you were so I told them I’d find you. Figured that I knew you well enough to come here.”

     “He needed to know,” I tried to pass him but he stopped me, sidestepping.

     “I am not judging you.” Fandral eased. “I would never…think less of you. You know?”

     “You found me slicing open my skin on the floor when we were young and never judged me for that day.” I leaned in to meet his stare. “Of course, I know that.” Asgard was dim, broken up, and bordering on the defenseless.

     “Come with me?” When he offered me a gloved hand, I hesitated before taking it. Relenting, I let Fandral lead me into the embrace of our friends as fellow warriors and healers gathered to eat and share their favorite stories. Thor left Jane’s side briefly to see me and kiss my forehead in a sweet gesture. He was completely numb. Moira, Elise, and Faleen all exchanged hugs with me and the Vanir visitors stayed to offer their condolences. Odin did not attend. After an hour, I could no longer bear it, so Alistair walked me to my room. Pieces of the palace were in shambles along the floor.

     I found myself having visions.

     Racing though these once perfect halls with Thor and Loki.

     Laughing with Moira on our way to work.

     Bounding out to greet the warriors on the training grounds.

     Playfully dueling Loki during magic lessons.

     Leaping around in my cat form.

     Kisses stolen in corridors.

     These echoes brought forth a compassion into my cold heart that I had not felt in ages.

     I kissed Alistair on the cheek and told him I would be fine before I dismissed him. Naaki jumped up into my arms and purred loudly until I petted her. I tried to focus on vengeance. I tried to let it overcome my pain. I tried. A knock brought me from my thoughts as Moira came in once I allowed it. Silent, she came to sit next to me on the edge of my bed.

     “Some whisper that our end is near.” She spoke, eyes flickering to mine.

     “I can’t remember the last time I shared that many long embraces without fear. I almost didn’t let Sif go. Volstagg always tends to squeeze us too tight and I was fine with it.” I chuckled. “If we are to go soon, I want to spend my end with you all.”

     “We feel the same,” she touched my leg. Naaki nudged into my shoulder and I ran my hand down her back.

     “This morning, I was going to go to the prisons. Someone made me realize last night that I…” I trailed off. “I was going to Loki. Just so I could tell him that I loved him. Suddenly…my life felt short. Too short to pretend I didn’t still love him. We wasted too much time on that. I just wanted him to know while I was still me…” Stopping myself, I turned and glanced outside at the night sky. “He would have loved my wedding dress.”

     “I’m sure.” Moira smiled for me. “What will happen to us tomorrow?”

     “That is up to Odin. He is our King,” I exhaled sharply. “Does he not always know what to do? There were things I needed to do. I had so many goals. So little time.” My chest tightened and I played it off, standing up to stretch my back as I let Naaki climb up into her perch. Moira stood and produced a large, ornate key from her pocket.

     “She told me to give this to you. Queen Frigga. When it was right. I didn’t know what she meant at the time but I believe she meant it for now.”

     “Thank you, Moira.” I kissed her on the cheek and she returned the gesture. “Go, be with Faleen tonight.”

     “Sweet dreams, my friend,” she left me alone and I didn’t change my clothing before falling atop my bed. I felt the mark on my back branch out like a poison and gripped to the covers, teeth clenching to deal with the throb of pain. Hatred swelled and settled within me, turning my vision red for just a moment before I got up and left my room. Marching down some stairs, I dodged debris and the occasional fallen column to come upon Frigga’s study. With the key, it opened easily before the door slammed after I entered.

     “How could you just leave us like that?!” I echoed through the room.

     Nothing called back.

     Maddening silence.

     “I tried to hear Loki’s voice after he had gone and now you will not even offer yours?!” I screamed; the room was dark and lifeless. “You can’t be gone from this world! And you give me this in your wake?! Well, I don’t want it!  _Any of it!_ ” Needing to test it, I rushed toward the mirror with my arm raised to smash it in. Anger fueled every fiber of my body as I wailed and brought my fist down. A hand snapped around my wrist and I growled at Odin’s neutral expression. “She can’t be gone.” Odin tugged me down the small set of steps leading to Frigga’s mirror. “It should have been you!” I fought him, twisting like a wild animal while I beat my fists against his armor. “It should have been you! Not her!”

     “You think I do not also believe that, child?!” Odin tossed me across the floor. My gaze snapped up to his instantly and I leapt toward him again, even in his old age, he was stronger than I.

     “Hate you! I hate you! This house! What it made me-” I beat against him so he grabbed at me, arms circling to bring me to the floor with him. “They want me to kill you!”

     “Hush,” Odin laid his hand upon my head, holding me against him tighter as I kicked. My heels clanked loudly on the floor but he held strong.

     “ _I must obey thy will,_ ” I chanted, seething and breathing sporadically.

     “Fight it.”

     “They want you gone. Dead. They’ll come for me first. I hate you. Frigga, please, come out.” I coughed blood onto the floor and trembled, sagging. Odin loosened his grip.

     “Sit up,” Odin brought me against a column, his large hand holding my jaw to keep me in place.

     “Kill me,” I begged, “before the stone does.”

     “Quiet.” Odin was wiping the blood from my lips. “You’ve had an attack, worse than the last.”

     I had not even processed my actions or words since entering this room.

     “No,” I pushed at him but his grip was steel. “I couldn’t save her…” Odin allowed his held breath out, he felt wounded. Lost. We stared at each other from our positions and I softened. “Why are you helping me still?”

     “It is my duty.”

     “Doing your duty to Asgard would be to purge me from its lands.” I flickered my eyes over his tired ones. “No…there is something more. Certainly not because of Thor and Loki.”

     “No.” His hand left my skin.

     “You care for me…almost as if I am your own. I’ve seen through that all seeing eye. I’ve seen through so many eyes. I have seen into your very head, Odin. But, I don’t need to.” Unmoving, I watched him observe me, both of us finally vulnerable in front of each other. “Your eye still shines like it did that day you told me that your younger son cares deeply for me. Waiting for his stars to align. Or the day you took to your knee like you are now to kiss my little hand in greeting…the first time your wife brought me into your house. The inside of the palace looked like magic castles in stories I had read about. And you…so regal and gallant. We all knew your sons would grow to be the same.”

     “Frigga had cleaned and dressed you after that incident by the water,” he recalled. “You hid behind her legs.”

     “Your beard. It tickled my hand and I laughed…you smiled in return and told me that I was lovely and that I would make a great warrior of Asgard.”

     “Which I meant. I knew then that your path of self-discovery would not be swift but you never once gave up on it. In truth, you were a better influence on my sons than you believe.” Odin stayed there and I made no move either, our bodies sagged in place. Blinking back my tears, my lips trembled before I got my next words out.

     “Why were we so cruel to each other then?” I asked in a hoarse tone.

     “We share in similar grief. A grief that truthfully few in this palace can fully grasp. The sight. It changes you. In grief, many stoop to a common level where they can hold and comfort each other. Others…they rise and hold contempt for the fact that perhaps another understands. Despite differing choices on what they should do.”

     “I tried to blame you for much that was out of your hands.” I admitted.

     “And I, to you.” Odin responded softly. “When we leave here, I must do my duty to Asgard first.” Odin moved to stand and I blurted out my next words.

     “Was killing my stepfather part of your duty?” I watched him stop and turn slower to look down at me. “I always found it strange that he wasn’t arrested…but  _killed_  on sight. Initially, I believed it was one of Loki’s tricks. I know he’d considered it. He loved me so. Men have been arrested for a lot less than what he did.”

     “To all of Asgard, your father’s death was a terrible accident on his foolish part.”

     “And to you?” I wondered, reaching when he offered me his hand.

     “It was justice for a little girl too afraid to introduce herself and speak up with her own voice.”

     “If she were still here,” I released him after standing, eyes averting. “I’m certain that she would thank you and apologize for much of what she has done.”

     “The gallant King she once smiled at would offer the same.”

** ** **

     Smoke was still rising from parts of Asgard that next morning. The dark elves would heal and they would return. We must do the same. Somehow. Our defenses were down. The bifrost was closed off. Our group of warriors on Vanaheim could not even return. I prayed for Hogun’s safety, but Vanaheim needed him more.

     “What will we do?” Elise asked behind me, her hands clasped together.

     “Civilizations fall on any given day. We are Asgardians. We will not go down without a just fight. None of us.” I turned to face her. “You have bad news.”

     “How can you tell?”

     “If this is about Odin putting Jane under house arrest, I already know.” I let out a breath, annoyed. “Come, let’s meet the others.”

     “Thor was furious,” she scratched Naaki’s ears and followed me out of the room.

     “In my meditation, I saw visions that were not mine. Jane is getting worse. A mighty cloud will stretch over Asgard. Unless we can stop it.” I quieted when I drew to the hall full of warriors with Odin at the center, surveying a hologram of Asgard that was badly damaged.

     “We are still unable to restore the palace shields. Our artillery cannot detect them, even Heimdall cannot see them. My King…we are all but defenseless.” Fandral was giving a report, crestfallen and Odin looked too dazed to take this all in. Stomps sounded when Thor hurried down the stairs across from me, clearly upset.

     “She’s your prisoner now?” He grunted in front of everyone. Elise’s breath hitched behind me.

     “Leave us,” Odin ordered before his advisers and warriors made their way up toward me leaning on the doorway. Sif passed and we pressed hands, gazes locking before she left with the others. Alistair and Fandral glanced up to see me as they entered a conversation and I moved down another hallway to greet the healers.

     “How are you?” Ysolda came forward to embrace me. Elise joined the group wordlessly.

     “All right. You?”

     “Holding up well, I suppose.” She shuffled her feet. “Queen Frigga’s training did wonders to Vanaheim. We all loved her visits. She was always so patient and kind to us.” Her eyes watered as she sniffled. “All visiting Vanir have agreed to stand with Asgard. No matter what. Secretly, I am frightened.” Ysolda calmed when I touched her face to give comfort.

     “I am as well.” I offered her a smile. “It’s okay.”

     “Before they put Jane Foster under house arrest, we were able to examine her,” Moira walked toward us with Faleen.

     “It’s bad,” Faleen added. “Her eyes, they change randomly like yours now. Only red.”

     “She’s growing fatigued. Seeing things and growing distant for periods of time. We tried runes but it rejected them.” Moira clasped her hands when the door opened and Thor beckoned me over with a silent wave.

     “You’re not with Jane?”

     “They won’t let anyone near her, come have a drink with me.”

     “Thor…I…?”

     “Come,” he laced his large hand in mine and led me out. His touch told me to trust him.

     “I take it your chat with Odin did not go well?”

     “Father thinks we can take on the enemy but, I will not risk the lives of our people any longer.” Thor led me through broken streets. “Look at this… Instead, I seek to draw the enemy away from Asgard but it is not safe to speak here.” He led me into an open, quiet pub as the sunlight and wind seeped in from open arches. “Two.” He ordered drinks for us and brought his seat closer to mine.

     “What if I told you that I had a plan to save us-?”

     “Yes.” I agreed in an instant.

     “It is dangerous and it may not work-” he went on.

     “Count me in. Yes.”

     “It would betray every oath we swore as warriors.”

     “ _Yes_ ,” I set my hand against Thor’s lips. “Thor. I’ve been with you for a long time. Since we were children. I will stand with you now. Fake fiancé or not.” Thor looked past me and cleared his throat before I straightened up. Heimdall entered, pulling off his helmet when he spotted us and came over.

     “Fiancés sharing a quiet drink?” He inquired with a knowing glint in his eyes.

     “You could say that.” I played it cool so he sat down across from us.

     “You’re not on Odin’s war council?” Thor sat up, getting comfortable before he set his arm around my back.

     “The Bifrost is closed by your father’s orders. No one is to come or to go. We face an enemy that is invisible even to me. What use is a guardian such as that?” Heimdall smirked and I slid my drink to him.

     “You need this more than I do, my friend.” I watched him gulp and smile somewhat at my attempt.

     “Thank you. So, just what are you two up to now?”

     “ _Up to_ , Heimdall?” I crossed my arms over the table.

     “Malekith will return, you know this.” Thor debated it for a moment and grew softer. “But I need your help.”

     “I cannot overrule my King’s wishes. Not even for you.” Heimdall replied and I shrugged, deciding to flirt.

     “What about me?” I batted my eyelashes.

     “Especially not for you.” His eyebrow quirked up and I leaned toward Thor, snickering to myself.

     “I’m not asking you to.” Thor swallowed. “The realms need their Allfather strong and unchallenged, whether he is or not. But he is blinded, Heimdall. By hatred and by grief.”

     “As are we all,” Heimdall’s words caused me to lower my gaze to the table but Thor was persistent.

     “Well, I see clearly enough.”

     “The risks are too great.” Heimdall was gentle.

     “Everything that we do from here on is a risk, there is no other way.” Thor tried and I nodded.

     “He is right.” I was near silent, bringing my hand to my lips. “We must try.” Heimdall thought for a moment before he gave us an answer.

     “What do you require of me?” He watched Thor beam a little and straighten up.

     “What I’m about to ask of you is treason of the highest order. Success will bring us exile and failure shall mean our death. Malekith knew the Aether was here, he can sense its power. If we do nothing, he will come for it again, but this time lay waste to all of Asgard.”

     “Right.” Heimdall nodded.

     “We’re going to meet in the palace. The usual room.” Thor stood with Heimdall and I following.

     “I can let our friends know where to be. Start without me and I’ll meet you there as well.” I pecked Thor’s cheek and then Heimdall’s.

     “Keep it quiet,” Thor warned and I nodded, walking briskly out. It was easy discreetly telling Fandral, Volstagg, and Sif where to meet us. Afterward, I slipped a note to Moira in the healing room which she burned after and nodded to me. I found Alistair with some warriors downstairs and pulled him aside.

     “What if I told you there was a plot forming downstairs that is going to make us all traitors and  _possibly_ save Asgard?” I watched Alistair blink at me before he spoke.

     “Will there be refreshments?” His dry humor made me chuckle.

     “Refreshments provided, we’re not dull barbarians.” I touched his arm, looking around. “Go meet them. Usual place. Tell them I’ll be there soon.” Quietly, we parted and I tried not to jog toward the prisons. The hallway toward Loki’s prison was empty and silent as I came upon him, still lying among the remains of his cell.

     “Sweetheart.” He gave a weak breath and I realized he’d slept there.

     “Come off it, I don’t have much time.” I entered the cell and kneeled down to him. “Thor is going to come to you. He’s going to make you a deal and you are going to accept it.”

     “Thought he wanted nothing to do with me.” Loki’s eyes shined at me.

     “You will accept.” I repeated. It was a statement of fact.

     “Why would I make deals with any of you?” Loki hissed, leaning toward my face. “You’ve already proven you’re not good for your word. Not anymore.”

     “Thor did not explain his plan but I drew enough from him.” I exhaled. “I know it involves you. You’re going to say yes. You’ll see. And if you do, I will offer you a boon much greater to Thor’s should you do as I ask.”

     “What might that be?”

     “Freedom.” My words caused Loki to straighten and I reached up to sweep some hair from his face.  My finger drew down his cheek and to his chin, tilting it up toward me. “Yes. Do I have your attention, my sweet?”

     “How?” He didn’t falter.

     “Doesn’t matter.” I replied shortly. “You help Thor without betrayal, and I will give you freedom under the condition that you disappear to live quietly and never come to Asgard or bring harm to Thor ever again. You’ve done enough damage here.” My words stung him so I knew I had his full attention. Loki’s bright eyes widened at me.

     “Why are you doing this?”

     “Because I love Thor…and Asgard, no matter what I believe, is my home. Frigga died while her baby was in prison, unable to help him and she suffered long for you. My time grows closer and the stone calls for me. I cannot ignore it any longer. You must be far away from me. There is one final thing, Loki, the last condition of my offer.”

     “Which is?”

     “You will grant me one final favor, when the time is right. You’ll know.” I paused to flicker my eyes across his, the tenderness of my expression found its way into my voice. “The final piece of the puzzle. The reason and conditions of what will be my death. I’ve tried to tell people. I really have. If we fail to handle the stone at least... I have tried and failed to covey this and not even your brilliant, golden brother was able to understand.”

     “What is it?” Loki’s voice drew to a mere whisper and I leaned toward his ear, ready to finally give the truth.

** ** **

     No one noticed the cat racing down the hall as I climbed out one balcony and onto another. I leapt into the room with the fire pit and saw my friends gathering to take seats. Thor, Fandral, Sif, Heimdall, and Volstagg were joined by Moira, Faleen, Elise, Ysolda, and Alistair. Silent, I got up onto a large shelf and watched them. Alistair’s eyes lifted to me before he smirked and said nothing.

     “She’ll be here soon so I’ll start,” Thor clasped his hands. “We must move Jane off-world.”

     “The Bifrost has been shut down and the Tesseract is locked away in the vault,” Sif began.

     “She’s under guard as well,” Faleen added.

     “There are other paths off Asgard. Ways known only to a few.” Heimdall’s words caused me to perk up. I was right.

     “Known only to  _one_  actually.” Thor’s meaning hit everyone and a full chorus of annoyed groans sounded.

     “ _No_.” Volstagg piped up but Thor shook his head.

     “I will convince Loki to bring us off Asgard.” He went on.

     “How?” Sif tried, unsettled with this.

     “He will bring Jane and I to Svartalfheim and there, we can avenge mother and defeat Malekith.” Thor was certain.

     “How will you break him out?” Elise added and I leapt down to sit between Thor and Fandral. Many jumped at my appearance and everyone let out sounds of shock as I transformed back into myself.

     “ _Hm_?” I wondered, nonchalant. “Who here has enough access and power to sneak Loki out of prison? Show of hands?” I looked around and raised my hand. “No one. Wait,” I wiggled my fingers. “I think I might if you ask nicely.”

     “That was you! The cat?” Fandral leaned away from me.

     “That? Oh, yes, it was. The whole time. Please contain yourselves.” I smoothed my hair back and looked to Thor.

     “So you’ll do it?” He asked simply.

     “I think you forgot my name when you stated that he would bring you and Jane to Svartalfheim.” I cocked my head and Thor cleared his throat. “Oh. You didn’t. Well, now you are.”

     “We must handle things here and it is too dangerous to bring you. Two infinity gems for Malekith to steal.” He reasoned but I persisted.

     “I thought the plan was to destroy it  _before_  he got it,” I sat up. “This is my only chance. And Thor, I am sorry, but I will not assist unless you take me as well.”

     “Look-” Sif began but I shook my head.

     “You will not find anyone else to break him out,” I promised and Thor debated it. “Who here can even get past the shield on his cell without sounding every alarm in the area?”

     “You will go with us then.” He didn’t like it one bit but he submitted. “I am the lead on this.”

     “He will betray you,” Fandral added and Thor shrugged.

     “He will try.”

     “But what then? Your lovely mortal is being guarded by a legion of Einherjar guards who will see you coming from miles away.” Fandral settled his elbow on the armrest next to him and rubbed his head.

     “I won’t be the one to come for her.” Thor looked to Sif and she sighed.

     “Very well.”

     “And what of the Allfather?” Ysolda spoke.

     “It is my sworn duty to notify him of crimes against authority.” Heimdall smirked wider. “And I shall…once you all are on your way.”

     “Assuming you can get Loki’s help and you can free this mortal, what good would it do? We’d all be dead the minute we step one foot outside the palace.” Volstagg shrugged and Thor’s lips tilted up.

     “That, my friend, is why we won’t be leaving by foot.”

     “I’ll think we’ll also need a few drivers,” I beckoned to Alistair. “Breaking Loki out will call every turret and vehicle to us. We’ll need distractions.”

     “Alistair and I can handle that.” Faleen pointed. “Moira, Ysolda, and Elise have all agreed to assist us. You’ll get out just fine.”

     “It’s settled. Thor must speak with Loki and he can meet you for final preparations. Once we have Loki’s word, I can break him out and hide him in my chambers. Meet me there as soon as you can and we’ll go.” I exhaled, charged. “We will do this.”

     “Volstagg and I can buy you both time on land. Fandral will join the groups by air, have a ship ready for them to transfer to once they get off palace grounds,” Sif added. “Do not get caught or our whole plan will be compromised.”

     “My friends, I must ask you to trust me one final time. If we succeed, Asgard will be safe.” Thor stood and beckoned for me.

     “Do what you must, we’ll be ready,” Moira took Faleen’s hand and our group began to disperse.

     “I think you should speak with Loki alone.” I muttered to Thor and he exhaled sharply.

     “Be ready for my word to get him out.” He nodded for me to follow. “Bring him to your chambers and prepare yourselves then. It will look odd for you to wear your armor while going to visit him.”

     “Right.”

     “Suddenly, I find myself losing the words to say to him,” Thor admitted as we entered the prisons.

     “You’ll find some,” I promised, stopping near a corner. Any guard we passed paid us no mind. They were used to my visits. “Go.” Thor left me alone and I shifted into another room, drawing a knife from my boot. I hovered my hand over my arm, feeling the device within it that would allow me into Loki’s cell. One slit later, I dug into my arm to yank it out after biting into a rag. Dropping it, I smashed my boot into it to crush it and watched my skin knit back together before I even had a chance to heal it.

     “It won’t be long now…” I whispered, wiping down my arm before I replaced my sleeve and left to sneak down a hall near Loki’s cell.

     “You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me?” Loki’s voice was soft and I didn’t round the corner to see them.

     “ _I don’t_. Mother did. But you should know that when we fought each other in the past, I did so with the glimmer of hope that my brother was still in there somewhere. That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me and I will kill you.” Thor was hard in his words and Loki was not hesitant.

     “When do we start?”

     “Now,” Thor turned and I peeked around the corner to greet him in silence.

     “My little sweetie is wrapped up in this of course.” Loki brought himself up and played pretend. “How could I  _ever_  have guessed?”

     “If he steps out of line, kill him,” Thor rubbed his wrist and glanced from me to Loki. “I must go.”

     “Gladly, my prince.” I touched his shoulder when he passed me.

     “I shall behave myself.” Loki leaned down and Thor left us as I stared up at his green eyes. After a moment, I tapped a code into the pad by his cell to bring the wall down. “I must change into something a bit more fashion forward.”

     “We are to prepare in my room.” I lunged and wrapped a hand around his throat to smack him into the wall. “Shh. We don’t have much time and I’ve only done this once.” I ripped open his sleeve and he struggled against me. “Bite down on this.” I shoved a belt between his lips and dug a small blade into his arm. Loki whined out but my grip didn’t release him. Hovering my palm just over the wound, my fingers bent and contorted before the device flew up into my hand. I tossed it onto his broken bed and began to heal the wound as Loki spat out his gag.

     “Why didn’t you just let me leave when you took the shield down?” He hissed.

     “They put a tracking device in yours,” I shrugged and he gave me a look. “I got rid of mine too. Couldn’t risk it. Come on.” I took his arm and pulled him out with only his torn garb and a pair of slippers. “Put up an illusion to make it look like you’re still in here.” Loki huffed and waved his hand while I looked around. “Right, now turn into a cat or something so I can sneak you out.” He drew closer to the floor until he was a lanky black cat, moving awkwardly on his feet. I picked him up and he hissed at me so I wrapped him in my cloak. We got outside and Loki burrowed closer to me while I passed people, smiling like nothing was wrong.

     “Who’s this?” Ylva stopped me on her way into the prisons and I grinned wide by sheer force.

     “Found this unfortunate thing trapped under some rubble in a house not far from here. A stray. Going to bring him back to my room and heal him up.” I explained and she reached to scratch Loki’s head.  _Oh, gods._

     “Poor cat, good someone found him.” She reeled her hand back when Loki hissed and tried to bite her.

     “Forgive me, he’s fussy. Just frightened from the trauma I suppose.” I laughed nervously. “I’ll see you later.”

     “Yes, of course.” She bid me farewell and I sped toward the palace, leaning to Loki’s ear.

     “You’re still a little fuck, I hope you know that.” I muttered and he purred in response when I got to my room and dropped him. Naaki perked up and I didn’t have time to stop her as she sniffed the air and dove onto Loki, biting into his furry flesh. I yanked her off so Loki transformed back and moaned, holding the back of his neck. “She remembers you.”

     “I figured that much…” He groaned and stood. “I invented you, you know?” He pointed and Naaki hissed before I calmed her. When I set her down, she watched Loki closely but didn’t attack him again. “Ah, I see you made great use of my room. And my work?”

     “Destroyed and sealed off.” I watched him turn to meet my eyes.

     “You did not appreciate it?” He mused in a quieter tone and I tried to scoff. Loki was here. With me. Walking around the room like we could live in the past.

     “I did appreciate it, that was the problem.” I watched Loki pace about the bedroom.

     “Where are my clothes?”

     “Boxed up. Closet.” I sighed and we went separate ways so I opened the chest with my armor. The set Frigga gifted to me. I beamed somewhat upon seeing it and knew I would don it one last time for this adventure. Loki rustled about behind me so I used magic to clean myself up and changed behind a screen. “Hurry,” I voiced when he had gone too silent. “I realize fashion is your thing, but will you just pick…something.” Loki had dropped his clothing and was holding a white gown covered in a sheer fabric. My heart fell to pieces all at once when his eyes flickered to mine before he held it up to me.

     “It looks divine on you. Exactly as I had pictured.” He offered, so sweet, bringing it down.

     “Get dressed.” I turned on my heel and Loki followed me out, magic also changing his clothing with more ease.

     “So, what now, you’re going to pretend it never happened?”

     “No, Loki,” I spun and backed him up, trying to keep my voice down. “It did happen and that is why it hurts so much. I don't need you dragging this out and I don't want to see your eyes once this ends... I don't want you to look at me ever again.”

     “You think I do not suffer?”

     “You put us through hell, Loki,” I hissed and his back hit the wall. “Murder. Betrayal. War. You beat, lied, used, and stabbed me. A titan now looms over us both. I became someone I hated. We manipulated and emotionally abused each other. But, I fought for you. Don’t you ever say I didn’t. After this, we go separate ways. Find your place in this galaxy and I shall find mine if there is anything left.”

     “Oh, and what is this?” Loki reached down under my pillow to pull the fabric of his cape out. “Is this where you put all your hopes, and wishes, and dreams that perhaps I would appear to you.” Unable to contain myself, I swept out and magic smacked him tight against the wall. Vines sprang from nearby plants to circle him, holding him in place before his mouth was pried open.

     “If you keep going, I will have this vine shove down your throat and branch out within your body until it’s seeping out of every opening.  _Every single one._ ” My grip loosened and Loki was staring at me with wide eyes. “Nod.” He did and I let him go, the vines retreated.

     “So powerful now. Not even you realize it.”

     “I do.” I crossed my arms and he went into the bathroom to wash his face, smoothing his black hair back into place. “Hate me all you want, we’re going through with this.”

     “I hated you once, yes,” Loki smacked the towel in his hand down before correcting himself, gaze softening. “I hated you often. Yes, I  _hated_  you.” He neared me and grew tender. “I hated you for trying to love me and I hated you for succeeding. Was that wrong? Yes, of course. And I hated that I let myself fall prey to someone  _so_ …” Loki closed his eyes and shook his head. “To someone who still to this day can take my very breaths.” I turned from him to gather a few weapons, my bow and a dagger. “From that reluctant girl during magic lessons to this relentless woman who can set fire to Yggdrasil.” I couldn't let him break into my defenses. Not again.

     “Did you gather your things?” I spoke instead, turning back toward the door but Loki’s fingers slid around my arm.

     “I just need one thing. That is all I ask before we do this.” He begged in a silken tone. I met his eyes but the door opened and Thor marched in.

     “Let her go.” He ordered and Loki watched him, letting out a scoff. “Now.”

     “Don’t act as if I don’t know boundaries, brother. Was it you or I who got into bed with their brother’s fiancé and-”

     “Ex.” I corrected idly as Thor came forward and Loki’s fingers slipped from me.

     “-fucked her into oblivion.” His taunt roused no reaction from Thor.

     “We are going.” He spoke instead.

     “Oh, do we feel guilty for it?” Loki teased and I had to push Thor forward. “You tried to turn her further against me.”

     “Your actions alone turned her!” Thor growled, spinning but I grabbed at him. “Everything I did was to ensure she stayed from your influence and even she knows this.”

     “Come on,” I got them both to go. Thor was stiff when Loki came to his right and I took my place on Loki’s other side. He was enjoying this in his own way.

     “This is so unlike you, brother. So clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just punch your way out?” He mused.

     “If you keep speaking, I just might,” Thor muttered, doing everything in his power to not gaze at his brother.

     “We can take the old lift up a few floors to avoid guards. Can't fly yet unless we wish to be shot down.” I ignored Loki and he chuckled.

     “Fine. As you wish. I’m not even here,” he lamented, turning himself into a guard. “Is this better?”

     “It is better company, at least,” Thor refused to even glance at Loki.

     “Still, we could be less conspicuous,” Loki turned back into himself and shifted Thor into Sif so we paused for a moment in question. Annoyed, I looked down and realized I was Fandral.

     “ _Ugh_.” I made a sound of disgust. “ _Him_.”

     “ _Mmm_ , brother you look ravishing.” Loki turned to wink at me. “I’ve already had you.”

     “It will hurt no less when I kill you in this form.” Thor stated in Sif’s voice and we kept walking when Loki turned us back. “…And what was that about Fandral?”

     “His sword swings quite well both ways. His words.” Loki shrugged and Thor’s eyebrows rose.

     “ _Enough_ ,” I moaned aloud.

     “Very well. Perhaps you prefer one of your new companions, given that you seem to like them so much.” Loki then turned into Steve Rogers and I was going to murder him. “Oh, this is much better.  _Woah_ … Costume’s a bit much, it’s so tight. But the confidence. I can feel the righteousness  _surging!_ Want to have a rousing discussion about truth, honor, patriotism? God bless Am-” Thor and I shared a glance before we both slammed Loki into a dark corridor. Thor shut Loki up with his hand and I held his shoulders in place while he turned back to himself.

     “Hush,” I uttered and Loki shook Thor’s hand from his lips.

     “ _What?”_ He whispered and we turned to see guards moving down the hall. Loki stepped closer to us in response and the men disappeared. “You can at least furnish me with a weapon. My dagger, something.”

     “Thor, furnish him,” I shrugged and Thor gave Loki a hard look before shifting.

     “At last, a little common sense,” Loki’s wide grin was wiped when shackles clamped around his wrists.

     “Looks good on you.” I crossed my arms and Thor smiled bright at Loki’s heated expression.

     “What? I thought you liked tricks,” Thor continued on, causing Loki and I to follow quickly. “Down here.”

     “You cannot possibly expect me to wear these the entire time.” Loki mumbled to himself.

     “They wanted you in the gag as well, consider yourself lucky,” I set my hand on his shoulder and pushed him down another hallway. Thor stopped us and poked his head around the corner before we continued on. The silence didn’t last long to my dismay.

     “Stop them!” Someone yelled as guards appeared far behind us.

     “Oh, I should have mentioned, suppressing my magic took the illusion off my cell. Was that essential?” Loki shrugged and Thor growled, grabbing him. We began to run down the hallway, sprinting toward the elevator lift. It was completely open all around with only four metals bars and a side rail to keep us in. Locking the gates, it began to rise only to be stopped and jerked back down. Thor grabbed for a loose rope to hold us in place as it overlooked high above Asgard.

     “Hold on!” He tried to lift us but we didn’t move.

     “Get down,” I hid Loki on his knees behind me and he pointed to a hook in the floor.

     “That certainly looks important.”

     “Loki, you’re very helpful,” I offered flatly, magic sent arrows and guards backwards while they yanked the lift before it could move further, “Thor, tie that rope to the top, there. I’ll cut that cable and Loki, you’re going to detach that hook at the same time.”

     “Wait.” Loki’s head jerked up to see me and I smirked, readying an arrow. Thor worked fast and gripped the top of the lift with all his strength.

     “It’ll be fun.” I aimed and glanced down at Loki’s big eyes. “You also may want to hold onto something.” A loud snap sounded before we were flung through the air. The lift soared, I grabbed to a bar and Loki practically wound himself around my legs like a snake to scream. Laughing aloud, I held tight as we scraped against the side of the palace and wedged to a stop. Thor ripped the doors open and we raced out, I half dragged Loki up with me. The sight of the entire floor stopped me. An enemy ship still lie amongst the half-destroyed remains of the hall and library. My heart clenched before I forced myself to march forward where Sif raced toward us with Jane, a jacket covered her Asgardian gown.

     “You’re late,” Sif began, eyes shifting to Loki with disdain as Jane moved forward to join the group.

     “You’re…?” Her eyes filled with anger and Loki smiled.

     “I’m Loki, you may have heard of me- _ack_!” His words caught when Jane’s fist crashed into his chin. His hand snapped to the side, a little dramatically when we all paused.

     “That was for New York.” Jane stared at Loki and swept some hair from her upset face. She had to shake out the pain in her hand. He turned back and a grin slowly split his lips.

     “I like her.” He mused before Thor pulled Sif off to the side.

     “Are they ready?” He began and Sif nodded.

     “Yes. Go. Come back alive, both of you.” She nudged my arm. “I’ll meet you by air if I can.”

     “We’ll be seeing you,” I passed her and beckoned for Loki.

     “Doctor Jane Foster. You must know how  _very_  taken my brother is with you.” Loki blinked and I nudged him. “Apparently, you did what I couldn’t. Sweetheart, you were right. She is pretty.”

     “Enough staring.” My words brought his intent gaze from Jane, who glared back at him in response.

     “There they are! Take them!” Shouts at the end of the hall stopped us.

     “I’ll hold them off,” Sif stopped Thor. “Go!” We began to leave only for Sif’s sword to snap toward front of Loki’s neck in warning.

     “Betray him, and I’ll kill you.” She threatened. Loki smiled again with grace.

     “It is wonderful to see you again, Sif.” He tilted his head. “Lovely mortal, that Jane Foster.”

     “You mistake my respect for your brother and that woman for jealousy. Pity. I’m certain you know more about that than I.” Her words made his smile falter so she dropped her sword and we raced off toward the ship when Volstagg rounded the corner, looking mighty with his axe in hand.

     “I will give you as much time as I can.” He pressed hands with Thor and then gripped my shoulder. “Fight well.”

     “You too.” I touched his hand and he nodded at Jane when she passed.

     “We’re taking this thing?” Loki gestured to the ship and Thor didn’t pause.

     “How hard can it be?” He replied, but Loki was stopped roughly by Volstagg.

     “If you even think about betraying him…”

     “You’ll kill me?” Loki finished, half-amused. “Evidently, there will be a line.” We boarded the darkened ship and the doors closed just as guards raced toward Volstagg. Thor began to push random buttons while we looked around, Jane shifted past the controls and appeared dazed. “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.”

     “I said, how hard can it be?” Thor stated gruffly, slamming buttons more forcefully. On edge, I pressed my hand above the front window to look out.

     “Thor, we don’t have much more time,” I warned, taking Jane’s arm. “Hold onto something and take a slower breath.”

     “Got it,” she sighed deliberately and found a handle.

     “Well, whatever you’re doing, brother, I suggest you do it faster,” Loki didn’t try to assist.

     “Shut up, Loki,” Thor shot back, continuing to slam his hands.

     “You must have missed something.” Loki shrugged and Thor began to beat his palms on controls.

     “No, I didn’t. I’m pressing every button on this thing!”

     “No, don’t hit it. Just press it gently.” Loki countered.

     “I am pressing it gently!” Thor’s irritation rose. “It’s not working!” His fist hit a button that brought up the lights and internal display. Relief filled me when Thor smiled to himself. “Ha! Let’s go.” The ship lifted and jostled as it turned, taking out more columns and Loki rolled his eyes. I joined them behind the controls on Thor’s opposite side and Loki glanced at me.

     “You honestly believe in this plan?”

     “Oh, I encouraged it.” We all held on tighter. Our ship flew out of the palace, completely unsteady, and Thor leaned forward to figure the rest of the controls.

     “I think you missed a column,” Loki leaned to Thor’s ear but was shrugged back by a buff shoulder.

     “Shut up!” Our ship crashed into a palace wall, dipping and twisting as Thor tried to keep us level.

     “Look, why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the best pilot.” Loki tried then.

     “Is that right?” Thor mused. “Well, out of the two of us, which one can actually fly?” His words caused Loki to lean back, an annoyed look on his face.

     “I can fly.” I shrugged and Thor chuckled.

     “That she can.”

     “Are you certain that is not just the stone within?” Loki countered, cuffed hands clasping.

     “I can still fly,” I persisted, entertained before Jane dropped. “I got her.”

     “Oh, dear,” Loki leaned on the control panel, aloof. “Is she dead?”

     “Jane?” Thor tried to rouse her so as I touched her shoulder. She waved a little in response.

     “I’m okay,” Jane settled her head on her arm.

     “Keep your breaths steady, try to focus on something.” I slipped to the side when our ship took out the top of a building and Loki peered at Thor.

     “Not a word,” Thor didn’t need to see Loki’s expression to know.

     “Thor, behind us!” I warned while three Asgardian ships began to tail our vessel.

     “Now they’re following us,” Loki tossed his hands up and came to Thor’s other side; we jerked when the blasts cut into metal. “Now they’re firing at us!” I squeezed a handle and kept my other palm on Jane’s arm before her hand came up to grip my vambrace tightly. Sighing, I stayed there and let her hold onto me, catching my reflection in the window. I saw a warrior. A hero. Instantly, I glanced away and back up at Thor.

     “Yes, thank you for the commentary, Loki, it’s not at all distracting!” He pushed the ship to go faster as Asgard rushed below us. We swung into a tunnel and ripped the head off a statue of King Bor.

     “Well done. You just decapitated your grandfather.” Loki shook his head in disbelief and pointed his gaze at me. “Still behind this idea, sweetheart?”

     “Absolutely,” I smirked knowingly and turned to help Jane sit up against the side of the ship. “Stay here.” I stood to cross my arms, watching as Loki unraveled and Thor paid him no mind.

     “You know, this is  _wonderful_. This is a tremendous idea.” Loki came to near the open side door, berating his brother. “Let’s steal the biggest, most obvious ship in the universe and escape in that. Flying around the city, smashing into everything in sight so everyone can see us. It’s brilliant, Thor! It’s truly brilliant!” Thor turned finally and gave Loki a hard shove, sending him flying out the side and I dropped my arms, merely sighing.

     “You get that out of your system?” I watched him clear his throat and glance at me.

     “A bit, yes.” Thor paused and contemplated it. “No, not by a long shot.”

     “Get Jane, I'll grab him,” I neared the opening as wind rushed by us.  Loki was flailing down through the air still. “See you down there.” I jumped and soared toward Loki, magic propelling me forward until I grabbed just under his arms to circle my hands around his chest. Loki ceased his shouting and squirmed. “Where ever would you be without me?”

     “Well, I wouldn’t be getting shot at right now! _Ah!”_ He clung to me when I swooped down, allowing the stone to engulf me in smoke before I flew in different patterns to avoid the blasts of turrets and pursuing guards. It wasn’t long before two ships appeared and raced toward us. I dropped Loki in one and greeted Alistair at the control with Elise at his side. Faleen drove her ship with Moira and Ysolda close to ours.

     “Fandral is up ahead, we need to lose most of these guys first before we join him! Thor will meet us then.” I called and Alistair nodded, focusing.

     “Oh, wonderful,” Loki groaned when he stood. “This lot is helping us too. We’re saved.” Ysolda looked at Loki and whispered something to Moira that caused her to erupt with laughter. He puffed for air while we evaded the guard’s ships, turning and twisting to confuse them, a few crashed into the water and got stuck before Moira, Ysolda, and Elise cast a net at Faleen’s command to catch some more in place. Guards came over head and a few jumped into our ship as I pushed Loki to Alistair’s side.

     “Protect him!” I kicked one guard clean out of the ship and used magic to send another one flying before a sword came down toward me. Loki shouted a warning and we all stopped when a clang echoed as Elise’s prosthetic fingers caught it. I gasped to myself, her silver digits crushed the blade in one motion and bent it back in another. The guard looked in awe so I took the chance to get rid of him when I came back to myself. “That’s what you’ve been tinkering with?!” I called over the chaos and she flexed her fingers to ensure they worked.

     “…Yes.” I barely heard her.

     “I wish I had something witty to say, I wasn’t prepared for that,” I hugged her and sat her down. “Don’t ever put your life on the line trying to save me again.”

     “You can’t tell me what to do, you know,” Elise countered and I turned to smile down at her.

     “No, I suppose not,” I pointed, directing Alistair and Faleen. “This way, over the water.” When enough guard ships followed, I spread my arms out to summon the will before my hands crushed into fists and jerked toward the sky. A mighty wave sprang up between us and them, stopping many from pursuing as we flew under a bridge and back up. Another ship charged over a building as Sif soared toward us with Volstagg.

     “Look at you,” Loki peered at me. “A mighty sorcerer bending the world to her will.” I scoffed in response and turned before he could see my lips tug upward.

     “Once you four leave, we all will stand down and turn over our weapons to be taken in. Got it?” Sif called and everyone nodded so I grabbed for Loki’s shoulder. “Up ahead.”

     “Ready, darling?” I grabbed Loki up and he shook his head before I took off with him in my grasp. This time I dropped him a bit higher than I should have only for Fandral to catch him, bridal style in his own ship.

     “A sweet prince in distress to be rescued, I see.” Fandral winked as I landed before he dropped Loki in a heap on the floor. “Unfortunately, my services are needed elsewhere.” Thor landed with Jane in his arms, setting her at the helm of the ship to rest.

     “Almost there,” I stated, more to myself as Loki heaved himself up, messy hair tossed into his face.

     “I see your time in the dungeons has made you no less graceful, Loki.” Fandral added.

     “You lied to me.” Loki commented to Thor. “I’m impressed.” Our friend’s ships flocked to our side, just under us to be on guard.

     “I’m glad you’re pleased. Now, do as you promised. Take us to your secret pathway.” Thor ordered so Loki passed Fandral to take control. We flew over the lands of Asgard and picked up speed. Loki’s green eyes grew bright as he looked past me at the horizon with a smile that was wholly free and beautiful. He looked younger, almost hopeful, with an expression that was the most genuine show of emotion I’d seen since the sun touched his face.

     “We have guests!” I called, noticing one final ship behind us.

     “Fandral.” Thor cocked his head.

     “Right.” Fandral jumped up onto the side and took hold of a rope before I came up to kiss his cheek.

     “For luck.” I slipped down and he flashed his teeth. I tilted my eyes in the direction of the vehicle Sif and Volstagg were on as it came right next to ours, almost touching.

     “We might die or end up in prison for life tonight,” Fandral turned and then proclaimed loudly in one breath. “Sif, permit me to buy you a drink if none of those- _mmff!”_ He was yanked down by his collar by Sif so she planted a chaste kiss on his lips to quiet him.

     “Shut up and get going, Fandral.” She smirked and released him. “If we live, I’ll buy you a drink.” Fandral’s pink face lit up like the sun when he got himself together.

     “Fear not, my friends, my bold lady,” he tilted his head to Sif, “for I am Fandral, the Dash- _ah_!” Fandral slipped backwards in his speech too early and swung through the air in a not-so-graceful display as we all watched. Loki, who had subtly jerked the ship, shrugged when every eye around turned to him, unimpressed.

     “ _What?”_ He lifted his eyebrows in a display of innocence.

     “Can you believe I consider that fool to be my best friend?” I watched Fandral land on the guard’s ship and fight them, beckoning back to us that he was fine. “Not my worst decision if you ask me.” I smiled to myself and pressed my hand to my heart, saying a final goodbye to all my friends as they brought their ships down once it was clear. I tore my eyes from their matching expression of faith to stand next to Loki.

     “How about one final lesson, sweetheart?” Loki’s eyes drew to mine while Thor sat next to Jane to monitor her. Staring intently at him, I waited until he lifted one arm for me to slide under. Trapped between Loki’s arms and the lever, he set his chin on my shoulder. “Can you sense the rift? Focus your mind.”

     “Loki?” Thor’s tone was one of warning as we neared a rocky cliff.

     “If it were easy, everyone would do it,” Loki steadied his arms as he maneuvered the ship. “Put your hands on the control, steer with me. Let your magic guide you toward the rift. No hesitation.”

     Loki once told me that magic always had a way of bringing him to realizations when he was lost.

     I felt power surge through my chest, pain followed and I let out a silent cry before Loki hushed me. His hands came to grip over mine and I felt so loved. He was filled with terror and anger and so much affection. So much hope and anguish the moment our souls intertwined together. His face shifted to inhale the scent of my hair.

     “Are you mad?!” Thor shouted over the rushing wind.

     “Possibly.” Loki didn’t stop. Determination soared within me.

     Closing my eyes, I let visions of my life pass by.

     Leaving my parents’ home.

     Kissing Loki under the stars.

     Learning to breathe underwater.

     Nerien. His people. My gifts.

     Planning my future as a princess.

     Standing up for myself. For others. Against enemies and friends.

     Falling and getting back up every single time.

     Whether I held the strength or not.

     Fighting for and against the man I loved.

     Consuming the mind stone.

     Becoming a warrior, a healer, a sorcerer, a lover, a friend, an Avenger, a hero.

     My life.

     It mattered.

     It mattered to me.

     My eyes opened to see the bright sun bathe my face just before we disappeared into a crevice, the ship skidded unpleasantly between the rocks as Loki urged it on. Lights surrounded and blinded us before we crossed the barrier into Svartalfheim. Loki held me tighter, we bounced against the rocky landscape and lifted to the air again.

     “ _Taadaa_ …” He offered while we came too fully to take in this dark world that looked scorched to death.  Loki met my gaze when I turned to see his face; his eyes shifted down to my lips before I got him to lift his arms and allow me free. Jane was near asleep, Thor touched her head and moved to sit against the side with Loki taking a seat next to the controls. Our ship glided, soft and silent now, through this new world. We were so close now.

     “This realm…it is practically dead.” The plants and buildings lie demolished and long abandoned as I looked over the ship’s edge. Briefly, I thought of Nerien. What the dark elves had done damned elves across these nine realms.

     “She’s unconscious.” Thor took Jane’s shoulder but I stopped him.

     “You’ll upset the Aether. Let her gather some strength back.” I let my hand slide from his shoulder so he sat back and I took a seat opposite him a few feet from Loki.

     “What I could do with the power that flows through those veins.” Loki commented, idle and quiet.

     "You've already forgotten what you've done with mine?" I countered in the same tone. "What a waste." We looked at each other and my bitterness turned me away.

     “It would consume you,” Thor gestured to me and stared at Loki. “Or have you not figured that yet?”

     “They’re both holding up alright.” Loki grew with resentment.  _“For now.”_

“I don’t need you to remind me,” I murmured.

     “They are strong in ways you will never know or understand.” Thor shot back, keeping his voice level.

     “The mighty Thor, coming to shine his light and purge the world of darkness.” Loki teased, more hostile.

     “If you still believe light is better than dark, you haven’t been paying attention.” I shook my head.

     “Right, they  _need_  each other. Tell that to Asgard and their obsession with the purity of light.” Loki responded, scoffing.

     “I have seen  _Asgard’s_   _light_.” I hissed out. “Light is violent. Light is artificial. Light is blinding. But, darkness…darkness is a place of peace and healing. Of wonder. So don’t tell me I haven’t paid attention to the ways of our world. I’ve grown in that light just as you have and I have suffered in it just as you have as well. It burned us all.”

     “And you,” Loki turned his head to his brother, “say goodbye.” Loki jumped to his feet and Thor followed. They faced each other. Neither moved. “ _Say it_ and feel that delicious surge of pain and hopelessness.”

     “Not this day,” Thor shook his head, certain of himself.

     “This day, the next, a hundred years, it’s nothing. It’s a  _heartbeat_.” Loki about choked on his words and I pushed up from my spot, unable to hear any more of this. I realized as he ridiculed Thor that he was now looking past him and at me. “You’ll never be ready. It will crush you. Consume you. Dance on your remains. Let you hope and fall again. It will fail you every single time. The only few women whose love you  _prized_  will be snatched from you! One by one.” He reeled back and swallowed.

     “And will that satisfy you?” Thor clenched his fists together.

     “Satisfaction is not in my nature.” Loki leaned further away to exhale and Thor was not reluctant.

     “Surrender is not in mine!”

     “Stop it! Both of you!” I lost it and had to quieted myself when a sharp pain sprang up my chest. Falling back into my seat, Thor flocked to me and held my jaw up until my eyes changed. A trail of blood slipped from my nose and he used his own cape to wipe it.

     “Stay back from her,” Thor pointed when Loki stepped toward me.

     “See? All too happy to turn her against me still,” he seethed, reeling backwards.

     “I’m fine,” I assured Thor, pressing him from me before he stood

     “So diluted, you still believe I drove her from you. I’ve watched you both over the years. I was never blind. You gave each other what much of the world couldn't. Or refused to. I watched you give your hearts to each other and I watched you betray her. Use her. Still, she fought for your name. Every single day! I saw you toss aside years of affection and companionship, for  _what_?” I realized as Thor’s words grew heavy, that he was not just talking about me anymore. “You tossed her aside and broke her heart in selfish pursuits of power. You left us to sit on the throne  _alone!_  So, you will not dare blame me for what you have done to her, to Earth, and to Asgard.”

     “The  _son of Odin_  to the rescue,” Loki gestured with this bound wrists and mocked Thor still. I clutched a fist to my stomach.

     “No. Not just of Odin.” Thor’s hard voice broke. “You think you alone were loved of Mother? You had her tricks, but I had her trust.”

     “ _Trust?”_ Loki’s eyes filled with tears that didn’t fall and Thor’s shoulders rose when emotion swelled within him. “Was that her last expression? Trust? When you let her  _die?”_

     “What help were you in your cell?” Thor shot back, hard and unbound.

     “Who put me there?” Loki gasped for anger to overcome his shame and guilt. He screamed this time. “ _Who put me there?!”_

     “You know damn well!” Thor leapt toward Loki and smacked him against the ship’s side, fist cocked back. “You know damn well who!” Loki struggled and Thor clenched his teeth; for once, I did not try to stop the brothers. Wiping an idle tear from my eye, I watched them slow and come back to themselves before Thor drew closer to Loki and spoke in a weighted tone of melancholy. “She wouldn’t want us to fight.” He stepped back and sniffled hard before Loki’s guard came down in full.

     “Well, she wouldn’t exactly be shocked,” he offered and Thor’s shoulder dropped. They gazed at each other, lips lifted before Thor exhaled.

     “I  _wish_  that I could trust you,” his tone was one of hope as he turned. Loki stared at Thor’s back with what could have been regret and gave one soft plea after he straightened himself up.

     “ _Trust my rage_.”

     This turned Thor’s gaze back to his brother.

     “I have a plan,” Thor swallowed. “To rid the realms of the Aether.” Loki and I shared a look and Thor didn’t notice me nod subtly at him. His eyes pleaded at mine but he spoke instead.

     “Let’s hear it then, brother.”

** ** **

     “Jane.” Thor woke the mortal while we came to a stop. I jumped out of the ship with Loki following.      

     “Malekith,” Jane rose as if called to, turning her now red eyes to the sky past the cliff in front of us.

     "The stone is still connected to him. We must break that bond." My eyes had not shifted back since my little moment of pain earlier. The dark elves’ ship materialized in the distance and lingered there. A few steps from Thor and Jane now, I felt Loki’s fingers touch my arm to break my daze.

     “It’s happening, is it not?”

     “We will go through with this,” I flicked my eyes to Thor to keep Loki hushed. “Look.” I untied the top part of my armor and flashed my skin. The grey mark branching out on my back had curled over my shoulders and begun to circle my neck like a collar.

     “ _Don’t let him in_ ,” Loki’s lips came to my ear as I fixed my armor again.

     “We must break its last bond to the titan. We must disconnect it from this world for a better one. It must go and heal. Break its body if not its soul so it can become something new. If I cannot stop it-”

     “It’s my fault.” Loki’s chest concaved with a breath and I stared at his eyes.

     “Yes,” I pressed my lips. “Mine as well.”

** ** **

      _“When I die, a great evil will take over my body,” I stared down at Loki on the floor of his cell, inches from his lips. “My death will not be a true death. It shall be a half-death. You see, Loki, when your connection to Thanos and the Chitauri snapped, mine began. This was before I took the stone. I held…potential. Potential for power and revenge upon you and your failure. Our souls have always been bound Loki. Ever since you saved my life. My memories. The last innocent, little grey piece of my soul. Thanos took advantage of it. He wants the mind stone and what Nerien gave me.”_

_Loki’s green eyes grew big as he recalled the feeling._

_“I have done everything to keep from Thanos’ sight but he has lived within me. Dormant. Until one day I may come to his side. I can only fight him for so long. As the stone dwindles under my influence and will, Thanos grows restless. He knows. I must erase all of his traces to this stone or he will wield it. Even if I cannot shut him out of my mind, he must leave my soul. The stone must be dealt with as well. When the time comes, it will fall into the just hands.”_

_“He means to get into your heart?”_

_“He’s been in my heart this entire time,” I corrected. “I have contained him. Controlled his whispers but he his eating up my thoughts. My guardians. Pushing my will aside.”_

_“He means to take you.” Loki grew devastated._

_“Yes.”_

** ** **

     “All right, are you ready?” Thor spoke after we ascended the cliff. Jane let out a heavy breath and nodded as Loki craned his neck.

     “ _I am._ ” He got Thor’s attention so we stood up. Below, the Dark elves were exiting their ship, ready for us. Malekith and his second in command were among them. “You know, this plan of yours is going to get us killed?”

     “Yes, possibly.” Thor stepped up to the cliff with Loki following. Jane hung back when I glanced at her and came to Thor’s other side.

     “Forgive me, Thor,” I sighed to myself and he looked at me in question. “Just trust me.”

     “You still don’t trust me though, brother?” Loki held up his cuffed hands and took Thor’s focus from me.

     “Would you?” He eventually unlocked the shackles and dropped them.

     “No,” Loki stared down at the elves below. “No, I would not.” Before I could react, I was tossed backwards by a blast of magic and rolled down the hill in a heap. Rocks cut into my skin and I clawed to stop my body from going further, disoriented when shouts sounded while I skidded to a stop.

     “Thor!” Jane called. “No!” I came to a little and tried to pull myself forward as Thor landed a few feet from me, cradling a stab wound. Forcing my body up while I coughed, I readied to charge Loki from behind before his arm swung out. I was certain he’d closed his eyes just as the blade swiped my throat. Pain didn't register and it broke my skin open. My hands sprang to the wound and Loki stared at me with trembling lips before he turned and I fell to my knees. My fingers brushed the back of his clothing and then he slipped out of reach.

** ** **

      _“Before such a time…that I submit to Thanos against my will,” I paused. “You must do everything in your power to weaken me. You cannot hesitate, Loki, you must be relentless. For once. I know you have it in you. Somewhere. Let go.”_

_“You mean?”_

_“Yes. The more my body works to heal itself, the more vulnerable the stone becomes. It tires inside me. If I can make it weak enough to be pulled from me, I think I can warp it. Most of it before it can be pulled into the wrong hands. Promise me.”_

_Loki searched my eyes, trying to find the words to say._

_Words to make this better._

_He couldn’t._

_Not yet._

** ** **

     My skin began to melt back together as I watched Loki kick Thor in the face.

     The stone shuddered within me.

      _Why are you doing this to us?_

_Say something._

     “Do you really think I cared about Frigga?” Loki kicked Thor again and pushed Jane backwards when she came to his aid. “About  _anybody?_ All I ever wanted was you and Odin, dead at my feet! And you,” Loki drew to me while I tried to get back up, “always falling for my sweet words.” He grabbed me by the back of my hair and ripped me up to my feet. Loki gasped with glazed eyes before he clenched his teeth and whispered a prayer. Thor clutched his mangled arm, the hand slashed from it before he could summon Mjolnir to him. The blade disappeared into my stomach and Loki’s hand brought my face to his shoulder as I stumbled. The pain didn’t register yet so he stabbed me, again and again, my healing slowed and I felt the stone grow hot within my heart. My grip loosened on Loki’s clothing. “ _Just die,_ ” he begged.

      _You dare defy me, little bitch._

      _“You can do this,”_  Nerien offered,  _“do not forget us.”_

      _“I promise you._ ” Loki whispered against my ear before he let me slip through his embrace and to the earth under our feet.  _Thank you._  My arms curled over my stomach, the wounds trying to heal themselves and I rolled over to see Malekith peering down at me. Eyes alight with fury.

     “Malekith!” Loki grabbed Jane from Thor’s side. “I am Loki of Jotunheim! And I offer you these gifts!” Jane was tossed down next to me. It was happening. The screaming. I cried out in pain as my head pounded. Jane touched my arm while I squirmed around, my blood boiling. My veins about burst and crawled under fiery skin. The conversation between Loki and Malekith was lost to my ears, I just laid there and writhed.

      _It hurts, mother. Help me._

_Take me, Nerien._

     “ _No_ …” He caressed my cheek. “ _We shall stand with you_.” Jane Foster tried to comfort me. A mortal with so much to lose. So much to do in this life. Voices danced around my ears. Soon, it became clear. I never needed the mind stone. I would put it somewhere it was needed. I could put this back together at last.

      _You are not alone._

_No one out there is truly alone._

_You gave that to the world._

_We will give in turn._

      _Discover hope once more._

“This one first as a favor to me and then you will have the Aether,” Loki’s voice came back, ripping Jane from my side. “She is soon to die.”

     “Pitiful,” Malekith’s hand outstretched toward me before I was lifted, arms forced out as the last of my wounds healed. The stone screeched within me before it tugged like children begging for their mother to never let them go. I began to weep, the mark on my back retreated under my skin. My eyes shined before an ugly crack ripped the stone from my chest. Above the clouds, a mighty hand reached out for me, the titan smiled and I grabbed the stone in my left hand with the last of my will. “ _Let go!”_ Malekith ordered.

     “No!” The stone tried to pull from my grip but I held strong. My body seared like I was on fire. Thanos was pulled from me. Running scared. A new weight tugged at my back.

      _You will not win._

My spine arched and a hand circled mine below me. Nerien smiled at me as I hovered. Behind him, millions of souls. Asgardians. Elves. Guardians of my own mind. Souls across these nine realms. _I will not be obedient._  I held tighter until time slowed completely before I looked to the stone and then the grey sky above.  _I will not belong to you._  The faces of the Norns, unseen to all eyes before now, materialized and terror gripped me.

     “ _See_.” They uttered.  _“Do you see?”_

      Weight grew heavier upon my back before a small, grey hand clamped down upon my shoulders. Little decaying fingers stretched out. No one saw her. No one but I. Grey barely met my eyes, reaching to cover my glowing hand. She did not ask me to let go. Slowly, the rotten flesh faded upon contact. Finally, I could build her and the rest of my guardians a safe place. A castle. The stone started to burn my hand and I screamed again, feeling it melt like a dying ember turning to ashes. Thanos’ hand began to retreat into the sky. Far from my soul. I held tighter to Nerien and screamed a shrill sound again before I found my voice.

     “ _I’m sorry…my babies_ ,” I scratched while the stone wailed and begged before my hand crushed it. Yellow light extinguished between my fingers, fading up Grey's arms. They opened to allow the ashes free and Grey faded with them. I could still feel the silent traces inside me, flickering under my skin and along my veins. Feel the powers I’d gained. But, I was in control. I was not fixed. Any terrible thought or voice inside would still be mine. But, I could accept that. The journey was long and I would not stray. My body was tossed like trash once I went limp.

     “ _No!”_ Thor screamed, pained as I rolled on my side, away from them and didn’t move. A hand suddenly pushed against the side of my face before I could even shift, warning me to stay.  _Loki_ …

     “She is gone.” He lied, standing from me to push my body over with his foot. “Dead.” His steps left and I stayed as still as I could. Cracking open my eyes, I saw the burn in my left palm like a sort of brand or signature from the gem in its odd design. Another scar to stay with me. “Now for your prize. I ask only for one thing in return. A good seat from which to watch Asgard burn.”

     “You shall have it.” Malekith’s deep voice was guttural. I could not see Jane being lifted, the Aether flooding from her. There was a drop before Thor gave an abrupt signal.

     “Loki! Now!” It was then that I reeled to the side and jumped to my feet, startling dark elves before magic swept over Thor and Mjolnir jumped to his hand. Loki yanked me to him and half-dragged me over in time to toss himself over Jane. She looked up in shock before Thor blasted the Aether with all his power and strength. An explosion of red boomed above us, shards of the gem floating when we all came to and my heart stilled.

     “No…” We watched Malekith absorb the Aether shards into his body regardless, darkness surrounding him as the smoke cleared. Loki got to his feet and pulled me up with Jane following. Malekith’s eyes changed a terrifying red before he turned to go with his legion engaging us. Thor slammed two elves away with Mjolnir before Malekith’s right hand, Kurse, tossed a device in our direction.

     “Move!” Loki shoved Jane out of the way and I fell backwards, grabbing for his hand, but his fingers slipped from mine and he was lifted toward a black hole.

     “Loki!” I called, still trying to gather my strength, I reached for him and this time he reached back before Thor flew into him; both of them safe from the line of danger. They landed roughly as I got to my feet, resisting the urge to rush over before I helped Jane up. Thor was able to save Loki. Just once. When it mattered most to him. “Hide here, and stay down.” I helped Jane behind a rock. Hissing, I cradled my burnt hand to myself while Thor rushed toward Kurse behind me before he could leave on the ship. Two dark elves ran toward me so I charged myself and drew an arrow to take out one. Unleashing a scream, I summoned all my magic to bring vines from the ground. They wrapped around the second and squeezed and I didn’t let go until they crushed him. Blood seeped between thorns and a hand grabbed my shoulder. Breathing heavily, I looked into Loki’s eyes and heaved for air softly. “Will you marry me?”

     “Yes.” He gasped and I leaned forward into him when I grew weak. Loki’s hand curled into my healthy one before he pressed his forehead against mine in a brief moment of tenderness. He felt so good. I was bloody, dirty, and my face was splotched pink with dried tears but Loki stared into my eyes and smiled bright. “ _By the gods_ , you are so beautiful,” he expressed before we parted to engage a round of dark elves. I kicked one in the chest and used magic to send his body skewering into a jagged rock. The next I grabbed by the shoulders to trip him into Loki’s path so he could stab him. Loki and I danced around each other, hues of warm and cool light swirled to send enemies on their backs. We were perfect, coming together to fight like we had so many years ago. Red and green magic flowed together to send the last up into the air and flying down before we blasted two back off a cliff. A storm formed on the horizon, blooming to send wind and dirt over us.

     “Thor,” I turned to see him fighting his group and touched Loki’s arm. More elves advanced as Loki, Thor, and I became a single force to take them down. My arrow pierced the neck of one before he could get to Loki before I was kicked backwards down a small hill with Loki following not long after. He let out grunt and we laid there a moment, heaving for air so I turned to him. Loki gazed at me, tired and we just breathed together as my hair lie splayed around my head with his own. “Did…” I swallowed the blood in my throat, collecting myself. “Did you truly believe we had a chance?” Loki gave a tired scoff that was barely audible while I wiped some blood from my lip and forehead.

     “Would I  _ever_  lie to you?” He let out a weak laugh. Then I did. And we just laid there, laughing for such a small speck of time. For a heartbeat. I pulled myself up and grabbed for him. The battle continued so we took out random dark elves. I ran out of arrows and pulled a few from corpses when Loki caught sight of Thor being smashed into the ground by Kurse. He wasted no time and rushed toward the battle, against Thor’s wishes with me following after. Malekith was long gone on his ship and Loki picked up one of their weapons. At the same time, I used magic to snatch Thor back from Kurse across the ground so Loki stabbed the weapon through his chest.

     “Thor, come on, we can’t stay here,” I whispered, dragging him back along the ground but Kurse turned and grabbed Loki’s arms. None could react. “ _No!”_ My scream was overcome by Thor’s call of anguish when Loki was impaled on the weapon as well, forcefully. It happened too fast. His mouth parted with a silent cry. Kurse threw him back against the harsh ground and I managed to move like light, tossing myself over Loki’s body with my arms tightly going around his neck before Kurse could get near him again.

     “See you in Hel, monster,” Loki hissed.

     “No!” I gripped to him

     “Go,” he tried to push me off him but I covered him again when Kurse approached us.

     “No!” I held to him tighter. “No.” Something triggered and Kurse was yanked into a black hole as I embraced Loki, crying softly into his neck. He was trembling before one arm curled around my body. We deserved better. Did we not? I leaned back through the chaos and Loki shuddered, his skin looked sickly as he reached to touch my cheek.

     “It’s okay,” he promised. “It’s okay. Can I keep you, sweetheart?”

     “ _Shh_ ,” I held him up once Kurse’s body disappeared into nothingness but he drew me down for a kiss. He felt frightened. I would ensure he didn’t feel lonely. Only loved.

     “I love you,” Loki fell back, whispering my name so sweetly and I heard Thor rushing toward us. “Thank you. For everything.” When I reached for his hand to take his pain, he shook his head. “No… Don’t take my pain. Not this time,” Loki stared at me as Thor fell to his knees. “Let me carry it.”

     “I love you too, Loki,” I broke with tears. “I always have.”

     “Being able to love you and being loved in return was…a privilege.  _That,_  I believe, will be your greatest gift to me.” Loki held his wound and shook erratically before I let Thor take his dying brother into his arms. He’d earned that much. I held Loki’s hand to my face and offered every bit of love I had within me and I felt him responding to that love in full.

     “No, no no…” Thor muttered, holding Loki close. “You fool, you didn’t listen,” he tried to be strong. Jane appeared behind him but stopped, unable to continue.

     “I know, I’m a fool,” Loki flickered his gaze between Thor and I. “I’m a fool…” Pain was reeling up his body and I did not stop it.

     “Stay with me, brother,” Thor begged, shaking Loki and taking his face as if to focus him. “Okay?”

     “I’m sorry,” Loki began and didn’t stop, fingers digging into me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

     “ _Shh_ … It’s okay.” Thor swore and Loki’s fingers reached up to trace down Thor’s face, they were turning a dark shade of blue. He was so calm. So at peace. His body began to stop shaking as he looked at Thor, his brother, and the man he’d become. Loki turned his eyes to me for a flickering beat and the blueness crept up his neck.

     “Now you see me, brother.” Loki cracked out and Thor cradled the back of his brother’s head, offering the love and acceptance he’s coveted all these years. His eyes flooded with red and he transformed fully into his Jotun self. Thor bent down and laid an affectionate kiss upon Loki’s forehead, causing his brother to try to smile.

     “It’s all right. I’ll tell Father what you did here today.” Thor promised and Loki’s brow rose as he went so still. A sob formed in my throat when his hand began to go limp against my face but I pressed it harder into my cheek.

     “I didn’t do it for him…” Loki’s eyes rolled back from Thor and looked to me one last time. His thumb traced across my bottom lip and I kissed it before his eyes closed fully. Loki was gone.

     “ _No!”_ Thor broke with the pent up grief that he held in for years from the moment he first lost Loki and then Frigga. He screamed, lightning struck the ground before he wept and brought Loki into his arms fully. Jane stumbled forward and fell to her knees, holding him from behind as I cried, unable to let go of Loki’s hand. Thor put Loki’s head under his chin and wept, harder than he ever has before. “Loki. Brother, please. No… My little brother. Not him. Not my little brother. Please...” He sobbed harder and buried his face into Loki’s hair as Jane managed to speak. The storm grew closer to us.

     “We have…to leave. I’m so sorry, Thor,” she held herself together and I forced a nod. “I’m sorry.”

     “She’s right…” I tried to put strength in my voice. “Jane is right. Malekith…he will destroy every realm in his path.”

     “Earth,” Jane gasped softly. “I saw him there…and the Convergence.”

     “You must go.” I tried.

     “I cannot leave, Loki,” Thor’s fingers tightened when I tried to ease Loki’s body into my arms. “I cannot leave him. I…I told mother I’d protect him. Always. I must cradle his head. He's so small. He’ll be frightened again without me. He will be alone in this place and I cannot... I cannot do that to him again.” Thor heaved another sob and I kissed his temple.

     “You did protect him. Thor, you did.” I swallowed and sat up. “We won’t leave him. I…I will bring him back to Asgard while you both go to Earth. I can do it. I promise, I can do it.” I touched Thor’s shoulder as he peered back up at me. “You will defeat this great evil. I will find my path back. You will soon follow. You have to go on and believe. As hard as you can. I need you to hold onto hope.”

     “Come,” Jane tried and Thor pressed Loki’s body to his in response but she got him to stand up. Together, we brought Loki to the ship and covered his body in both our cloaks. After he was wrapped up and secured, I gently laid him in the ship as a storm came upon us.

     “Go, secure Earth. There are paths. The Convergence is at its full strength.” I touched Thor’s arm and kissed his head again. “Loki did not die in vain. He died loved and he knew it. I promise.” Slowly, I pulled the ring Thor had given me off.

     “Keep it.” Thor put his broad hand over mine. “Switch it with Loki’s but, keep it. A gift for one of my most trusted friends.” I hugged Thor and reached back for Jane’s hand.

     “Take care of each other,” I smiled and got into the boat. It came to life when I took the control before I lifted off the ground. “You’re a great man, Thor Odinson with the brightest mind in Midgard and Asgard at your side. It has been a pleasure, Doctor Jane Foster. I think our paths crossing was truly important. We will meet again.”

     “I’m sure. Goodbye for now and good luck,” she touched Thor’s shoulder and they watched me go from them. I no longer felt the heavy weight of the stone on my chest. My mind was open and free. I would gather my strength and again reach my full potential. As I swerved toward the rift, I used magic to melt the lever in place before I kneeled to bring Loki’s body into my lap. The ship flew so perfect and silent, I recalled my first lesson with Loki. His words. The way he touched me. The way our hearts called to each other.

      _“Sorcery takes the entire body and mind, your whole being must be locked into it. You should feel it…all through here…”_  Yes, I still did.  _“You should feel it here, radiating.”_ And from the moment our magic intertwined, that sensation has never left.

     Curled around Loki after I crossed my legs, I buried my head into his neck and together, we crossed the boundary back into Asgard. Our ship splashed into the ocean and I did not move, my face pressed into Loki’s as if to keep him warm. Guards surrounded me, as I knew they would, and still I stayed in place.

     “Hands up!” One called and I uncurled my body from Loki’s so he fell limp in my arms and lap. I delivered him. I delivered Nerien. I delivered innocent souls from the mind stone. I helped save these nine realms and I would never stop fighting.Me.  _The Messiah._ Some of us must be strong enough to shoulder the burdens others cannot and help carry them into the future. And in that, we must hold up morals of hope, even if we do not always believe them, because someone else out there will need it. I often felt broken; but in those feelings of anguish, I coveted to teach others that we could still keep going. We are not small. We're not a commonplace. Feel that pain and continue along the path because we are alive and important to this world. Staring at the way ahead, I did not comply before they commanded me to come toward them for an arrest. Still, I did not meet anyone’s gaze. 

     “I willingly submit myself to your mercy.” I called, tired. “Take me to King Odin so that I might return the body of his youngest son.” Guards eyed me before weapons lowered.

     “Come to us slowly, we’ll take you to his majesty.”

** ** **

     They did not cuff me but the road was long to the palace. Guards walked me through the streets, citizens flocked on either side by the hundreds to see me. All of them, silent as I carried Loki’s body and stared ahead of myself, dignified and unafraid. After a moment, the crowd shifted and I paused before a few took to their knees. It made me still in sheer wonder.  _They are bowing_ , I realized with awe filling the voids inside me.  _Not out of fear._   _They’re bowing to me like I’m a savior._  Every single person in the crowd followed, pressing their fists to their hearts and kneeling to the floor. The warrior's gesture of respect. My heart warmed. I turned to see them all and got myself together before I continued. The throne room was darkened when I entered, Odin on the half-broken remains of his seat, surrounded by advisers and guards. My friends were all seated against the wall with matching cuffs around their wrists. Fandral perked up and spoke my name but the realization of Loki’s death hit them. Carefully, I eased Loki’s body against the floor at the foot of the stairs before Odin’s throne like I was putting a sleeping baby to bed. The King stood and neared me so I waited for his punishment while on my knees.

     “Thor will rescue the Earth. Loki gave his life fighting for us. Fighting for his brother.” I looked up at him and he beckoned.

     “Rise.” He ordered softly. “Let them go to their homes.” Cuffs were removed and none of my friends moved when Odin took a knee and pressed his fist to his heart. His own guards and advisers looked around in question before they mirrored the motion slowly to me. The King bowed lower to me and I gasped, unable to think or act.

     “You brought my son home to us,” Odin murmured my name and my eyes shined at him, “and you have spared Asgard of its destruction. For that…I can thank you.” He touched Loki’s head and exhaled, standing.

     “I was not alone.” I managed, trembling. Odin reached for my hand and kissed it.

     “We’ve taken this far. Too far. In the hopes that perhaps…our world could heal. Loki.  _My son_ …” Odin’s voice broke with emotion as he looked to the unmoving form. My friends all stood behind me before another voice shook my entire core to fleeting pieces. Sunlight streamed in to sparkle upon a face.

     “Odin, it is time to end this. Now.”

     “Frigga…” I managed, chest caving in with a violent shudder.

     She stepped out of the shadows with her hands clasped and everything inside me crackled. None of my friends reacted which told me they’d already found out.

     “You’re…” I shuffled forward and she stepped to me.

     “When Odin and I planned it…we did so with the hope that perhaps, our little boys would… I just wanted the reassurance, the control over my fate.  The control over the fate of Asgard. And the hope that my boys would…bond together in grief. You were right, my dear, to hell with this fate.” Frigga outstretched her arms and manically, I rushed into them, almost knocking her over. The Queen hushed to soothe me like a mother. My fingers dug into her back but she did not wince. She was real. Holding me so close. I shook with tears like my mind was breaking apart all at once, eyes wide. My scream erupted before I buried my face into her shoulder and Frigga held me closer. “It is all right. You did so well. I am so proud of you.” The burn on my hand ached sharply before I slipped but she held me steady. “Healers.” Moira and Ysolda pulled me from Frigga’s arms and sat me on the stairs to heal my many cuts and burns. I was hyperventilating before a familiar voice caught me.

     “I’ll put my hand right here,” Alistair spoke, “should you wish to take it-” I squeezed his hand this time and drew security and comfort from him as Frigga and Odin came to Loki’s side. My friends flocked to me with reassuring words of love. Fandral and Sif pulled me up and Volstagg pressed a pouch into my hand.

     “It is water, drink,” he helped me lift it to my lips. Elise rubbed my back and petted my wild hair down. The burn on my hand was still raw and covered with a bandage. I gulped some water but realized they were leading me out so I struggled to get back to Loki’s side.

     “I brought him home…I can…” I let a few tears fall as I touched Loki’s covered head. “I can still keep my promises. I wasted so many. I cannot break them any longer.”

     “Yes, you brought him home to us,” Frigga touched my head.

     “Nerien looked at me and knew. He always knew and…he saw Loki. He saw right through us. It was  _perfect_.” I cried and Frigga pulled me into another hug.

     “My sweet girl. We will handle this from here.” Slowly, I lifted my hand with Loki’s ring on it now to Frigga.

     “He told me that he would marry me again. I shall live a happy and strong life for both of us. Free of the burning light…  _Free_. I am free.” I felt Frigga settle her hand on my head to bring me to her chest. Her heart hummed within it and comforted me.

     “Yes,” she kept agreeing with me as I sobbed. “You will. We must wait for Thor to return home to us.” Under her touch, a sudden sleep overcame me and brought forth a peace to my heart that I had not known in eons.

** ** **

     Every piece of my life, every persona I took on. They all were me, and in those multitudes of realities, I became all. I became the hero I looked up to as a child, the one I needed most. It matters not what path we choose in life and never will it be possible to stay on one, only that we live and grow. In that beautiful magnitude, we become whole people. Flaws and all. I have lived long and known possibilities and realities that have both strayed from each other and faded together in my choices. I can walk the rest of my paths as the woman I am now. Blooming against these realms. There was so much I wanted to do in this life. So much more to see. I had the time now. It was no surprise when I woke in the healing room, my friend gathered around tables and desks that were pushed close together. They were laughing and smiling, speaking in soft tones as they shared a meal together.

     “I hope you saved some for me,” I licked my lips when my mouth watered and realized Thor was among them, with a gentle expression on his face. “You did it…” I mused, watching him.

     “We did it.” He corrected so I forced myself up. “All of us.” Overcome, I sprang up and jumped into his arms. Thor caught me easily and I realized I was changed into a soft green gown, my body cleaned up. He squeezed me tight and let me down while I steadied myself.

     “Jane?”

     “I told her I must handle things in Asgard, my parents need me. But, I would be returning. The realms will forever require me and these are tasks I cannot do from the throne. Not yet. Someday, perhaps, I shall be ready.” He touched the back of my head and I greeted my friends, holding onto every bit of love I could. “My mother relayed an interesting tale…in truth, I am gladder that I can atone for the things that I have done. I have a second chance in Asgard and the people are open to it. We must clean up our world, rebuild.”

     “You, Odin, and Frigga will do right by Asgard,” I came from my hug with Fandral to go to Thor. “I would cherish the chance to stand with you…but, I…”

     “We know,” Sif came to Fandral’s side.

     “We figured that you would…” Moira trailed off and hugged me again, sniffling with Elise following to join us.

     “No, don’t cry…” I touched their faces. “Asgard is my home forever. You all are my heart. I simply think that I need time to heal myself fully…away from Asgard. I will come back. You all know this.” Volstagg gave my shoulder a squeeze and kissed my temple. I shared an embrace with Alistair and Ysolda. “It won’t be forever.” Faleen kissed my cheek before she joined Moira. “We’ve watched each other grow into better people. You’ll take care of each other. Gods know that someone needs to be there to keep Fandral out of trouble.”

     “We committed treason to save Asgard, my lady, there is no going back.” Fandral smiled at me before he nudged Sif’s arm, causing her to roll her eyes at him.

     “I fear I’ve made a mistake,” she mused softly.

     “You might be stuck with me for a while,” Fandral winked and I enjoyed the mere sight of my friends, so ready to embrace the future.

     “Eat with us first before you return to your room.” Elise took my hand. “I fed Naaki well while you were out.” Thor touched the back of my head to encourage me and we shared a look. He grieved for Loki but he’d made peace with his brother and that could never be taken from him. I sat between Fandral and Thor and we told stories of our adventure that would be shared for generations.

** ** **

     Thor hugged his mother every time he saw her. She met us in the hall and kissed his cheek sweetly in response. “It is time,” she began, “to speak with your father.” Thor held her hand and nodded before he turned to go but I stopped him.

     “Hm?” He faced me and I shook my head.

     “I just wanted to look at you and tell you that I have cherished our time. Thor Odinson. My prince. My amazing friend.”

     “I, as well,” he touched my face. “Oh, continue your studies in magic. They suit you.” Thor gave me a chaste kiss on the corner of my lips, hand touching just under my chin. “I think it’s best if we call off this engagement as well. It isn’t you.”

     “I must agree.” I hugged Thor before I stood back when he turned. “Goodbye.”

     “See you soon,” he corrected, beaming at me as the sun caught his hair and I nodded.

     “Sooner than you think.”

     “Come with me,” Frigga touched my back. “Odin will likely have a small talk with you again as well.”

     “Yes,” I paused, “I drafted a letter to my mother…can you see that she gets it?”

     “Of course,” Frigga smiled fully at me and followed me into my room. Naaki meowed until I picked her up and gave her affection before letting her onto my bed. “Your room will be cared for before you depart.”

     “How did you…? Never mind,” I shook my head. “Yes, thank you.” I came to the window to see Asgard healing before me.

     “I simply wanted you to know that I love you, deeply so…and enjoyed watching you grow into a woman before my eyes. And thank you, for being there for my family. You have a place in this house. You always will. Where ever you go after this, I’m certain you will continue to protect and inspire those who seek it. And need it.” Frigga came to my side and clasped my hand, she felt like a true mother, contented with her children’s futures.

     “Where should I go?” I breathed after a moment.

     “The choices are endless.” Frigga touched my back. “I’m certain that you will think of something.”

     “Frigga,” I watched her turn. “Thank you. For everything. I cannot tell you what you…and my friends…what it means. All you have done for me over the years.”

     “We all feel the same…” Frigga’s eyes glinted in the light. “And we will welcome you back to us with open arms when you return.” She smirked like she knew something I didn’t. But, with Frigga, she always knew something you didn’t. When she left, I began to write more letters. Short letters. To my friends. Parting words. In truth, I could not offer much else. I'd said most of what I wished. The sun was high when another knock sounded and I called out for them to come in. Odin entered and shut the door behind him, pausing to eye me in the light.

     “I thought you were speaking with Thor.” I bowed my head.

     “There is no need for bows, I believe we are past that,” Odin stepped forward but paused when Naaki jumped on my bed to eye him closely.

     “Old habits,” I shrugged.

     “I came to say that Heimdall has agreed to send you wherever you wish to go. Within reason, of course,” he chuckled lightly.

     “The Aether?” I inquired.

     “In the vault. Until we can destroy it.” He clasped his hands and scratched idly at his palm. My eyes narrowed before I peered at Naaki, eyeing him from her perch still. I didn't dare expand my vision with the risk of being disappointed in his colors. “I merely came to ask you a question.”

     “You may,” I faced him fully and stepped into the sunlight.

     “After every event that told you otherwise, you claimed to still hold affections for Loki. I do not judge. I am coming to terms with my troubled feeling as they conflict.” Odin blinked and exhaled. “I wish to know why.”

     “Why I love him still? Even now?”

     “Yes.” He dropped his hands and I let out my breath, pressing my lips before I smiled to myself.

     “With all due respect, I don’t think I have to justify my affections for Loki. My love like many things in this world… It just…is. It belongs to me and me alone. That is the beautiful thing. Loki is in the air around me…I can’t let the voices in my head fall heavy upon my shoulders right now. Days will come when they will speak in loud and soft tones, I will take care of myself. As best I can hopefully. And them. We must cherish and care for each other…even if it seems impossible. I am trying to cut ties with the toxic pieces of my life because I know now…that I deserved better. No matter how shattered life may seem, no matter how broken, or empty one feels; I think I want people to know that they matter and they are real with every imperfection inside them. Still. It will be hard but…Loki and I were never a mistake.”

     “I see,” he offered gently.

     “I am still coming to terms with a lot. His actions. But, I am not perfect and admitting that to myself feels…” I shook my head, unable to muster up the words of joy I felt. “I am grateful for the time I have had with Loki…with everyone. I can wake tomorrow knowing that my life will continue to twist and intertwine with the lives of others. When Loki died, I knew…that finally, he embraced the fact that I could hear him. That Thor cherished him. That he was loved. There is no better way to go. I used to tell myself that distance was better, but I am not that person. I cannot be that person. Asgardians and mortals…long lives and short ones… I have learned that what I do in this life matters, despite how small it seems. Loving Loki mattered. Standing up to him and fighting mattered. Forgiving him…it shall matter as I work through it in a way that feels right to me. And I am trying to. No, I haven't forgiven everyone who harmed me, nor should I if that is how I feel.” I turned to seal my final letter and abruptly dropped it when something coiled up my spine. “We’re allowed to feel hate. To not forgive. To push the undeserving, terrible people away. It doesn’t make the affection we feel any less…important. It does not make us terrible in turn. Love and hate belong on the battlefield. Loki and I did not always get the timing right but we did a lot of good for each other. We learned so much, I just wish...”

      _“Payment in full,”_  Nerien had whispered.

     “ _Found you_.” The voice lifted every cord in my heart as I turned to see Loki, fatigued but well enough, standing where Odin stood. My chest heaved and neither of us moved before I found some words.

     “What…have I told you about faking your own death?” I touched my heart to quiet the waves inside me.

     “I recall you disliking it but I merely wish to… What had I said so long ago? I wish to know who my true friends are,” Loki clasped his hands behind his back and flickered his eyes to Naaki as he passed her. “You can learn to trust me, you know?” The cat turned her nose up at him so he came to stand by the window, just a few feet from me.

     “How…?”

     “So I could do as you said…go quietly. Though, you know me better, quiet is not always my thing.” Loki exhaled. “Mother discovered me. I suppose I discovered her as well. I was so certain she was gone and it would have been my fault. She held me so tight just like she used to. I'd used a little illusion. Rune from my things when we both changed in here to kick start and...here I am."

     "You were gone. I felt it. It's impossible." I shook my head.

     "Almost did not make it." Loki offered. "I recall you not believing in impossible things. Can't imagine that changed. Mother helped me come to you in secret so that I could make my peace. You see, I am leaving this world for…I’m not sure yet. Perhaps a quieter place can, in fact, be arranged. I wanted your opinion.”

     “I’m not sure that exists at the present time,” I tried to chuckle and cleared my throat.

     “Nonsense,” Loki did not come closer. “I promised you.”

     “You’re rather good at breaking those.” My words were not unkind and Loki nodded once.

     “No…perhaps, I simply put them off until it is opportune. I asked it of you before.”

     “Opportune is long past,” I touched my stomach and Loki dropped his shoulders.

     “Perhaps, you are right. But, if you taught me anything…it is that I must try. And hope.” He sighed softly and stared at me. “Is your mind safe?”

     “No, you cannot simply get rid of a mental illness… Thanos will wait perhaps as well. My mind is...it is safe in the way I want right now. I am accepting what I am. There is much to be done and I'm willing. That is a good step. Realizing that I am on the right path, scary as it may be, it is still good. I am still here and ready to go on. I just want to grow and protect others.”

     “Good.” Loki swallowed, understanding totally because he felt it too. “ _Good_.”

     “Why are you here, Loki?” I paused, remembering. “ _Quid pro quo._ ”

     “I wanted to see you. Truly, that is all. I wanted to look at your face and tell you that…I cannot change what I have done. I cannot change who I am. But, I love you even so, more than words could ever portray. I love the girl who spent her days struggling for purpose. I love the frustrated woman longing for a place to call home. I love the hero who challenged me. I love the beautiful being who tossed her body over mine during that final battle and never let me go. I love you, not just for what you have given me but for the person you have become and the life you embraced. The beliefs you hold dear. Nerien, I hated him for reading me, but he knew. He knew I did not appreciate you as I should have at times. I used the woman I love for power and I left you for it. Damn it all, he knew. And I regret that much.”

     “Yes.” I tried to breathe. "I certainly wasn't perfect. I told many lies, thinking it was better. I was afraid to touch the pain of others...but really it was my own I was the most terrified of. My lies harmed us both. I didn't want my pain to fester and lash out on you but it did. Pain and illness. It's no excuse to harm the people who love you. Suppose we both have a lot to work toward. We loved and we had...so many problems. Things we didn't handle with grace or care. But, we're not a mistake."

     “No, I don't believe we are. Not at all. Now…for my question. Was what you said to Odin…to me…was it true?” Loki watched me lean in but he didn’t move.

     “You must know that it was.” I flickered my gaze over his face. “What have you gotten out of all of this?”

     “I spent my life being afraid of things…or possibilities that I thought could happen. It consumed me. Controlled me. Put ruin to everything I held dear.” Loki shook his head. “Asgard, so I believed, had always been too good for me. I have fallen to the darkest recesses of the worlds, met vile creatures far beyond any range of imagination… Seen and enacted horrors that no one will ever truly comprehend. Or so I thought. But, in the end, it was you. Only you, who could pull me back, even for a flicker of a moment. Even if for a sigh. Even if for a single perfect heartbeat.  _It was always you._  It was never on you or Thor to fix me...and I am sorry that I put such things on you. That is not love. That is insecurity. But, in my dreams of you, I neglected that perhaps you had gone through this as well. The horrors. The way they mold and change you. The way you constantly have to enter a cycle of hatred and anger and slipping through cracks. I came out with more hate and you, even in your rage, you came out with the hope that perhaps, something would be worth it. Something would align. Something could be right again. You pursued that and I ran. I've done horrible things, sweetheart. I was blinded but you…you always could see. Even before that elf gave you your gift. Between you and…and Thor, I…I still cannot see things as you do. I am not you. Nor, can I magically be changed as such and you know this. But, there is an acceptance within me now, that perhaps I can wake-”

     “Without screaming,” I finished and Loki exhaled a breath that was laced in tears. “Your question.”

     “ _May I kiss you?_ ” Loki didn’t shift forward until I nodded that instant.

     “Yes,” I uttered before he took me in his arms, hand pressing around the small of my back. “Wait.” I took his wrists to pull from him and stepped back. “Show me.” My words hit him before he turned his gaze to the floor and let the blue tone creep over his skin. Patient, I waited. “Loki…look at my eyes.” Somehow shy, he flickered his red eyes up to me and I observed him closely before I reached out. He reclined back but stilled instantly when the back of my knuckles caressed his cold cheek. “You can control it.”

     “I can,” Loki trembled and the sunlight warmed us so I drew in to close the distance that had once pulled us so far apart. He took my face in his hands after I coaxed him to bring me closer. I took his wrists to guide his hands down and around my body before I held him back. Loki whispered my name like it was a prayer and came to kiss me again, tilting his head to deepen it as hands gripped to bring me from the floor. “I love you.” He whispered when we parted just a bit before his skin returned to its usual shade. “My brave, hotheaded, clever girl.”

     “I love you,” I took Loki’s palms from my body and cherished the touch. “Sweetheart.” Loki held my hands in his, gazing down before I asked my question. “Where will you go after this?”

     “Cannot be sure. I’ve done extensive research on other realms in my travels. Alfheim perhaps. Though, somehow, Midgard doesn’t look so bad. I wonder if I can make it in time to watch the cities heal.” Loki smoothed his thumbs over my skin before lifting my wounded one. He shifted the bandage to get a good look at the mark the mind gem had left. He knew that I still held traces of the stone’s power within me. I closed my eyes briefly before I made a decision that will set me on another path. One I could embrace.

     “Then...we had better hurry.” My words dawned on Loki before his face brightened. “Your question.”

     “I would like to take you to dinner. Not immediately. But, soon perhaps.”

     We deserved to heal in the shadows.

     Together.

     “I-” The door swung open and Fandral came in, his words caught when the door slammed behind him. I swerved in front of Loki, my hand touching his arm to keep him behind me as if he needed my protection. “Fandral.” I eased. But, he didn’t seem too upset or surprised. He appeared somber, sobered, and dropped his shoulders. Acceptance touched his eyes.

     “You’re going…now. So soon.” His blue eyes bore into mine before I rushed toward him, tossing my arms around his shoulders. Fandral swelled with tears and sniffed, hands squeezing my back and sliding into my hair. “I shall miss my lady.”

     “And I, the dashing warrior.” I swallowed and leaned back. “My cherished friend.”

     “I swear to you that I shall not state a thing about…him. Go now.” Fandral looked past me and to Loki, they shared a genuine moment of silent thanks before I grabbed my pile of letters.

     “You and Frigga must ensure these get to the right people,” I nodded so his fingers curled around the pile to take them from me.

     “You can always count on me, my lady,” Fandral touched my cheek with his fingertips and felt genuine happiness for me. “Always. Do not be a stranger.”

     “Never,” I kissed his jaw and he shared a final look with Loki.

     “Fandral.” Loki mused softly, causing the other man to smirk.

     “Loki.” He bowed his head to us and departed before I turned to pick up Naaki.

     “Oh, you’re bringing her with you.” He teased as I grabbed my bag and slug it over my shoulder.

     “The cat goes.” We clasped hands and all I held with me was Naaki and trinkets I’d collected over the years. Thor’s ring. Moira’s necklace. Loki’s key. The journal Alistair had picked. Things to remind me of my heart and home.

     “Come,” Loki tugged me outside and the sun warmed my skin. “Do you trust me?”

     “I can,” I let him lift me onto the balcony before I took in the final golden sight of Asgard.

     “Down,” Loki mused, pulling me into his arms. Naaki purred between us so I held to him tighter. “Close your eyes.”

     “Not yet,” I stared at Loki’s eyes before we tipped over the side of the palace and fell together. My heart dipped and picked up a steady pace while I looked into Loki’s green eyes, laughing softly before we plunged into our future together. The wind whipped around me as I tilted my head back, sighed, and closed my eyes. We landed with grace on something firm and Loki pulled me up.

     “You may open your eyes now, sweetheart.”

     Exhaling, I opened my eyes as the warmth caressed my face.

** ** **

     “Where are we?” The sun was high above us. Loki clasped our hands and led me through a city. He’d changed our clothing with magic as I held Naaki to my chest. Midgard was quieter at this moment.

     “A safe place. We must hide and settle in. In traveling, Shield will recognize and investigate the shift. The events of the Convergence and Malekith’s attempt on this realm will put them on edge. Heimdall cannot see us, never again will we grace his gaze.”

     “Loki, how can you know this much about Earth?” I peered down at our clothing and he paused, pulling me to the side. The mortals paid us no mind and they passed along the stone walkway.

     “I have kept much from you but that will cease now. I don’t expect you to trust me immediately but I can spend an eternity building it up again if it means I can be with you.” Loki took my shoulders. “It is you and I from now on. I will find us housing there.”

     “An inn.”

     “A hotel, they call them.” Loki sat me on a bench. “Stay here and speak to no one, if you catch someone watching you. Run down that alley and hide. I will find you. We need to get inside before Shield finds us. They won’t take to me, no matter what you say.”

     “Hurry,” I let him kiss me and pull my coat tighter. Naaki poked her head around and stayed cuddled into me. There was a moment, as I watched him walk away, where I wondered if he would not return. Healing would be difficult. He knew this. So did I. But, I was ready. I was ready for the pain and bliss of healing in beautiful darkness. Loki did return and our hands clasped together.

     “Put these on,” Loki slid a pair of glasses with dark shades over my face before he settled a dark, floppy hat over my head. We crossed a street just as a black car pulled up behind us.

     “Loki,” I gasped softly, recognizing the sigil on the car. “Agents of Shield.” He pulled up his hood and settled an arm around my back to hurry us into a building. Casually, I tucked my hand into his and hid Naaki under my coat until we reached an elevator. “Could have used magic to shield us.”

     “No time, I couldn’t risk being seen,” he stopped me from pulling my hat off. “Keep it on, eyes down. We’re being recorded.” Loki led me down a hall once we got to the third floor and pulled a card from his pocket to unlock the door.

     “How ancient.” I commented and Loki smirked. “Are you going to tell me there’s a fingerprint scanner to get into the bathroom next?”

     “We can still go to Alfheim.” He chuckled and pushed open the door.

     “Light elves are more intimidating than Midgardians.” I watched him put a sign that stated ‘do not disturb’ on the door handle before he closed it and locked it in two places. He turned and we stared at each other, utterly alone. Naaki jumped onto the bed to get comfortable and broke our moment.

     “Chair,” he pointed and she yawned at him, curling up.

     “A television, I know this machine.” I straightened and Loki rolled his sleeves to his elbows, he was smiling wistfully at me with so much affection when I glanced up at his face.

     “We should talk first,” Loki’s expression fell and he hesitated while he reached for me so I slid into a chair. “We must stay here for just a few days before we venture out when everything…slows down.”

     “Loki, about how long have you been studying Midgard…coming here in secret? The rest of the realms?” My question caused him to sit as well and scoot his chair closer to mine so he could face me without the small table between us.

     “The moment I was able to hide from Heimdall. Nerien's people showed me the way and I worked tirelessly. Midgard is not the only place. I’ve studied other realms extensively. Learned the ways of travel, housing, currency, among other things…” I pulled my bag off and he conjured something in his lap. “This wallet holds fake identification for you. As well as some money in case of an emergency, do not lose it. I have one as well. We can go out to get clothing soon as I cannot keep conjuring us up some as well as food, but that is it.” I set the wallet away after peering inside. “Keep that on you at all times.”

     “Years,” I managed and Loki cast his eyes down.

     “I am so sorry,” he leaned over to take my hands and his emotions flooded me. “Please, believe me. Believe that you're everything. It is you and I now. We can heal.” Loki was swelling with every shred of regret that he’d held back in these short years. Every chance he’d had to stop. To lower his pretense. To come home. It was killing him.

     “I know you are,” I sighed. “I just need time to wrap my head around some of this. We did terrible things, Loki. Things we may not come back from for a long time. This will take time and we have that much...and we have each other. That's a good start to me.”

     “Yes, of course,” he swore, eyes flickering over mine before I pulled from him gently.

     “Loki, I’m going to need you to teach me all that you know about Midgard.” I began and quickly, he nodded. “And…I also want you to teach me the ways of illusion and conjuration magic. Even if I cannot do it, I should know the science...and I'll teach you more about the infinity gems. I'll let you within my soul.” There came the real test.

     “I’ll do what I can,” he swallowed, eyes searching for something.

     “I’m not sure yet, if I even have the capacity to-”

     “Honestly?” Loki tilted his head. “You believe that, even with the understanding you have now of your abilities?”

     “The mind stone-”

     “Fueled you, it did not magically give you all these new powers. I have seen…” Loki shook his head and smiled softly. “It only worked for me because I channeled it with the scepter. But, with you…it acted as a Midgardian battery to charge and amplify things that you can already do. With a few perks of its own. It was waiting for you. Yes, it added but it isn't everything. Not by a long shot. With the understanding and power you hold over manipulating the mind, you’ll be a natural at illusion magic. It’s conjuration you should worry about.” He chuckled and then I did, both of us relaxed. “Shall we begin?”

     “I would enjoy that, yes,” I coaxed Loki to tell me what he knew of Midgard first. He didn’t seem to mind my constant questions or the way I distractedly took notes when I needed to. Loki knew how things worked here and I needed to be up to date. It was…soothing. To be here with him alone. Trying to find each other again. Trying to get to know each other once more. All the things that had once driven us apart were not gone. We needed to feel natural again and I think we were drawing closer to that. In the days of visiting his cell, there were moments of connection. Short hours passed and Naaki rolled over, bounding between us on the table to meow loudly before I hushed her.

     “She needs to eat.” I scratched behind her ears and Loki stood.

     “What time is it?” he rubbed his head and peered at the clock. “Only seven in the evening.”

     “We talked for seven hours…” I got up to check outside.

     “I can go buy us supplies. I only have a few things on hand now.” Loki turned but I grasped his arm.

     “I think I should do it. Just give me a list, I’ll figure it out.” I watched him sigh a little, worried before I continued. “If you’re seen and recognized…”

     “I’ll use an illusion.” He shrugged but I held him.

     “I think I should do it still. I need to learn sooner or later.” I let go of him when he turned toward me, trying to keep his defenses down.

     “I realize that I owe you much if I hope to ever gain your full trust.  _Why_ -?” Loki stopped himself and swallowed. “You go and I’ll stay here. If Shield spots you-”

     “They won’t fire upon seeing me, if they do. I can do it. Stay here with Naaki,” I cocked my head when my cat jumped up onto the bed and Loki huffed at her. “I want to wash my face. Make a list and tell me where to go.” Once I got Loki to nod, I shifted into the bathroom and locked the door. A deep breath erupted from my lips. I was here. I was doing this. I was utterly terrified. Not of Loki, nor the thought of an impending betrayal. I knew this would be hard. I was frightened that I was starting over, instead of moving on. I couldn’t start over. We couldn’t go back. Never. Splashing cold water on my face helped in the slightest before took in my reflection. The scars where so faded. Had that much time really passed? I fixed up my hair and tightened the bandage on my left hand. The burn stung still here and there when I flexed my fingers. Loki was immediately in front of me when I left, pulling my coat back over my arms.

     “I put the list in your pocket.” He handed me my hat and shades. “Avoid speaking to others if you can. Be alert. Once you leave the hotel, there’s a shop. Follow the sidewalk to the left of the exit and you’ll see it before the end of the block.” Loki pressed his fingers into my shoulders once I nodded and he grew reluctant. “Come back safely.” Again, he paused but just looked at me without letting me go. “I am very aware that this is difficult for you…but, it is my belief that we should keep going.”

     “Yes, I agree.”

     “I,” Loki struggled for words, “I simply want you to know that I believe we’re worth it. I think it could be-”

     “Should be.” I corrected. “We lived our life in  _could be_. In wishes. It’s time we get exactly what we deserve. Both of us. I will spiral into a cycle of depression, perhaps, and you will reel with guilt and regret and fury poisoning your mind. But, we’ve been ready to take those on before we got together. Look at my face, Loki. Do I look like a woman interested in wasting her own time any longer?”

     “You look ready.” He tilted his lip up just slightly. “And I?”

     “You look frightened. You look like you still believe running from me, if this hints at failure, will be better.” I paused. “Just know now that your intentions mean very little to me. Your next actions are critical, Loki. They’ll be what I focus on.” We did not kiss in parting as I left and heard the door lock behind me. My steps were purposeful but not too quick. I made my way downstairs and outside. The air was growing cold and I realized I still neglected to ask Loki where exactly we were. Within the quick air travel of Shield, but I had no other clue. My heels clicked, I passed unsuspecting mortals and found the shop Loki had spoken of. Doors opened for me and a bald man greeted me kindly on my way in.

     “Good evening, can I help you find anything, ma’am?” He smiled and I did slowly in turn.

     “No, thank you,” I pulled the list from my pocket and wandered down near-empty aisles of many food and other goods in brightly colored packages. Loki would worry if I took too long so I tried to hurry, picking out some items for him, Naaki, and I. Balancing many things in my arms, I settled them into a rolling cart and continued on.  “Too many labels,” I mused, picking some waters before I went over Loki’s list. Preparing myself, I got into the line behind someone paying for their goods and began to slowly load mine onto a moving belt.  _Please be natural. Please let me do this right._  A row of different candy packages caught my eyes and I bit my lip before adding a chocolate one to my pile. Smiling now, I added three more different types of sweets to my things until I stopped as a dark woman with big curls began to scan them.

     “How are you today?” She asked sweetly and I grinned.

     “Fine, thank you.”

     “On vacation?”

     “Oh? Yes. Visiting my family.” I nodded and looked at paper books with the news in large headlines. Most had men and women posing on them with bright smiles. “I suppose… Why are they all pale-skinned?” My question made her pause.

     “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Don’t get me started on that,” she shook her head and chuckled. “Not seeing many women who look like us on magazines.”

     “Magazines,” I repeated softly. “Yes… You should be on a cover, you’re pretty.” She laughed at that.

     “You’re cute,” she winked and hit a few buttons. “Swipe the card when you’re ready.” My hand shook so I swiped once and the machine didn’t register. Quickly, I shuffled my feet and turned the card to swipe it again the other way. Sighing as it accepted, I pressed the code in and it finished. “Thanks for stopping by, honey, do you need help with your bags?”

     “No…I…” A slight gasp lifted from my lungs as I saw two people entering the store. Their names didn’t register but I recognized their faces, two Shield agents from the car earlier. Of course, Shield would stay and monitor the area. The woman turned and glanced back at me.

     “You okay?”

     “Yes… I just.”

     “Oh, I get it. Old boyfriend or something? Ended badly?”

     “…Yes. That’s it.” I quickly picked up my bags and she pointed.

     “There’s another exit that way,” she nodded so I hurried to go, heading tipping down.

     “Thank you,” I muttered, holding my bags close before I exited the store. The hotel wasn’t far so I didn’t run my way there, merely pacing casually until I reached the inside elevator. It took me upstairs and then I started rushing toward our door. Loki opened it before I could knock and locked it as I passed him. Breathing heavily like I’d held it in my lungs the whole trip, I dropped my bags on the bed and Loki settled a hand on his hip.

     “How was it?” He lifted one eyebrow and I pointed.

     “ _Easy_. I’m fitting in perfectly,” I wheezed and dropped my face into my hands to groan and Loki opened his mouth to speak. “Not a word.”

     “You’re shaking,” he helped me out of my coat.

     “It was scary. This feels new and the technology is just so…old. They have cords. There are too many different brands of foods; shooting my dinner down myself seems easier.” I laughed finally and he smiled before waving at Naaki to get away from the bag pile.

     “Found the sweets, did you?” Loki glanced up from one.

     “I wanted to try new things.” I crossed my arms and he chuckled at me. “Come, Naaki. Food.” She hopped down from her spot on the window and followed me to a corner where I set two dishes I’d picked for food and water. Loki unloaded the bags into a small fridge so I plucked up a sour candy I’d bought and curled up at the head of the bed to eat it. “Chewy…and delicious,” I licked my lips and plucked small candies from the plastic bag. Picking up the remote, I stared distractedly at the television and got sucked into switching channels. After a moment of clicking buttons, I realized that Loki was quietly staring at me with an amused expression on his face. “Want to try one?” I lifted the bag to him and Loki crossed to accept.

     “Comfortable?” He took the remote from my hand and set it aside before touching my face after I put the sweets down. Loki desired me and my heart dipped at that realization. Fingers shifted under my chin, compelling me to peer up at him before he slowly shifted down for a slow kiss. Carefully, I eased back so he could climb over me, lips shifting down my neck. “I’ve missed you,” he breathed against my skin, “so very much. I thought about what you’ve said…I’m not going anywhere.” His pulsed picked up and I pressed myself against the bed, hands coming to his chest.

     “I’ve missed you,” I watched him smile and lean in, “but, I…” Instantly, Loki stopped and looked back at my face. “I’m not ready for you to touch me…sexually…just yet.”

     “Oh, yes,” Loki exhaled and got off me. “I understand.” I got up and curled my legs under myself before he nodded to himself. “Yes, I do understand.” His words grew stronger before he closed his eyes and turned his head. “It has been a long day. We should clean up and get some rest. You are not obligated to share your bed with me.”

     “You can sleep in it,” I assured him, hesitant and careful. My hand lifted to touch his but I dropped it, trying to explain. “It’s just…Loki,” I shook my head. “I cannot…I cannot take…”

     “No.” Instantly, his arms were around me, holding me so close to him like I was important again. Like we had a real chance here. “Hush now. We're together again. I've got you. What I've done is vile. I wanted to live in hatred and power. But, this last year... Things have changed. I...I am hopeful." It felt like I'd broken Loki down since our moment in Avengers Tower. "We’re getting through this.”  _I am sorry._  Loki’s body shuddered with tears and I responded to that, emotion gripped me and he began to weep. Everything washed over my soul at once and I cried with him. We held each other and let out everything, the loss and betrayal. The dwelling pains. The hope for more. Loki’s arms were tight around my back until he sagged and I pulled from him, wiping my face on the back of my hands.

     “Do you remember,” I began, sniffling, “when I first took an interest in magic?”

     “Of course,” Loki allowed me to wipe his tears with my thumbs before he snickered to himself. “You would not leave me be until I agreed to teach you.”

     “You fell in love with me…that day in the library when you tested to see if I held a capacity for magic. Did you not? And again with the lanterns. We fell in love with each other over and over again. Perhaps, it is time to do it once more and run with that?”

     “I’m certain, in my foolishness, I loved you before but did not always know it. But, yes…I realized that day. There were many days prior when I pondered kissing you. In truth, I was frightened to teach you magic because I knew after that, there was no going back.” The corner of his mouth upturned and I kissed his temple. Loki’s fingers slipped around my wrist to observe my burnt hand. “Does it hurt still?”

     “Sore, yes,” I shrugged. “They did what they could. Healing stone was useless.” Loki brought my hand to his lips and kissed the palm through the thin gauze before I slipped from him. We both had opportunities to just run from this, but neither of us did. So, it was time to keep going. I wanted it and I felt that he did as well. I missed my friends already, in truth. The curtains flicked all the way closed with magic as I stood. “I should…get myself cleaned up now, it's late.” Loki stayed in place for once and nodded while Naaki jumped on the bed to peer at him.

     “Suppose I should apologize to you as well,” he mused so I entered the bathroom for a much needed shower. I used some products the hotel provided and scrubbed my skin clean. The water soothed my sore muscles and I leaned against the tiles to breathe for a few moments. The mind gem had dissipated in my hands and filled something else. Something I barely touched. Thanos had not come for me. I tried to find comfort in that but the thought worried me regardless. Perhaps, it was not  _opportune_. Or maybe, he’d taken a piece of the stone regardless. I didn't know. Loki was here, trying so hard to be supportive and not defensive or jealous. Making an attempt to atone for the awful things he'd done. I cleaned my burn once more and used magic to wrap it in a fresh bandage before I exited with big towels wrapped around my hair and body. Loki was reclined against the bed, his eyes closed with Naaki on his stomach. The sight caused me to grin before I touched his shoulder; he jumped awake in response.

     “It’s just me,” I tucked some hair behind his ear. Naaki yawned and hopped off him to sleep in a chair near the corner when Loki sat up. “Bad dream?”

     “No,” he lied before looking up at me. “Yes.”

     “Go, get cleaned up,” I coaxed before he stood, rubbing his eyes. “Loki,” I stopped him and his eyes shifted over my half naked body. “If…you wanted…I can block them.”

     “I considered it but…no, for now. I’d rather get through them.”

     “Do it because it feels right,” I spoke before he could turn. “Not to punish yourself.” He took in my words and leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

     “Thank you,” Loki turned to go and the door locked behind him. When the water turned on, I removed my towels to change, ruffling through the few items of clothing I had. Slipping on some underwear and a loose, thin shirt, I slid into bed and grew heavy against the mattress immediately. Focusing on the television kept me awake until Loki emerged in thin pair of fitted shorts. He dried his black hair and noticed that I was awake as he approached the bed. Hesitantly, as if he was waiting for me to tell him to leave, Loki got under the covers and didn’t try to touch me. I turned off the television and we stared at each other in the utter comfort of the dark room.

     “Goodnight, Loki,” I voiced finally and I heard his reply while sleep took me away.

     “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

** ** **

     It was only three in the morning when I woke, still in the serene hotel room. Dim light fluttered between old curtains. I was still on Earth and Loki was still next to me, breathing softly on his back. Shifting, I sighed outward with relief. Naaki was napping from her perch and I stared at the outline of Loki’s profile; gazing at his chest rising at falling. Swallowing, I knew then what I wanted. What step I desired to climb so that we could come together again in full. Careful, I pressed a slow kiss into his bare shoulder and felt peace wash over my body from his. My fingers curled around the top of the blanket to pull it down so I could kiss his skin again. This time I felt the rough line of a scar and traced it, recalling where Kurse had stabbed him. Loki stirred and inhaled sharply before his eyes opened.

     “Are you all right?”

     “ _Shhh_ ,” I hushed him before he could get up. I turned the television on and a channel with nothing but soft music and landscapes brought more light into the room. Loki stayed on his back but his breathing picked up when I carefully pulled the covers over his hips. One of my fingers hooked into the thin fabric of his underwear before Loki got the idea and removed his clothing. Nude, he nervously stayed in place so I looked at his body for a moment. “Show me again.” The familiar words sent his green eyes wider open and my hand pressed to his chest, just over the scar. Pale fingers shifted around with such reluctance while he debated it.

     “You’re certain?” His hand covered mine and I felt his nerves hit me like static.

     “Absolutely.” My brown eyes stayed on his until he tilted his gaze to the ceiling and shifted before my eyes into his true form. This time, I got a better look at the ridged lines etched into his skin like a signature unique only to him. The patterns covered his body from his arms and legs to his chest and even along his shaft then down his thighs. Loki’s next breath shuddered when I slipped my hand from his to touch his head.

     “ _Wait_.” He rasped and I froze so he could gather himself, another sigh left his mouth before he nodded and my thumb traced a line down his forehead first. He was frightened but he wanted to touch me and he coveted my touch in return. I trailed my fingers over his shoulder and down his arms, the little lines were soft against my skin. Loki’s arms bent and drew to his chest before I kissed his stomach and then his hip. His flesh was cold and he shuddered again when my tongue followed a line down his thigh. I hovered over Loki and realized as I cradled his face that he felt ugly next to me. Instantly, I yanked my shirt over my head and pulled off my undergarments. With both of us nude, I laid against the bed and beckoned for him.

     “Loki, come here,” my murmur caused him to move, hovering over me. Scarred bodies came together to worship each other.

     “You’re sure?” He asked again as I shifted some hair over his shoulder and nodded.

     “Touch me.”

     “Sweetheart,” Loki’s lips parted with a moan when my leg slipped between his to rub against him. His cold body instantly responded to mine before he adjusted and settled between my spread legs. I reached down finally and stroked him, his arousal dripped against my hand as I teased my fingers over the lines along his cock. Loki held himself up on his elbows, gripping the pillows before he came down to kiss me. Instantly, he was hurried, kisses already being trailed over my collar and neck. His hand came to rest over my breast and my nipples grew hard against cool fingertips. “You’re so warm,” he gasped, palms squeezing my flesh. He took his time, touching me, fingers smoothing over my skin to massage every little ache. We admired each other’s form; every soft curve or angle, every scar, every bit of exposed skin. Loki’s hands shifted to touch my thighs and my back curved when his tongue traced between my folds.

     “Remember,” I sighed outwardly, “when we first made love? It was as if you already knew my body so well.” My breath hitched for a soft moan when his lips closed around my clit until he teased me. Loki slipped along my form to look into my eyes. “I want to get to know yours again. Just like this.” He touched my face and I felt the heat of his passion swell along my own unfurling body. Leaning up to kiss Loki’s neck, I left a trail of sweet marks before I turned him over. He was hard in my hand as I got lower, lips against his stomach until it rose and fell heavier. When my mouth closed around the tip, he grabbed at my shoulder. Suckling softly, I bobbed my head in torturous motions until fingers twisted into my hair; coaxing my lips to his. Lips opened obscenely and I stroked him harder only to be rewarded with a low, needy moan.

     “I want you,” Loki turned us over. “Just you. Nothing more.” He laid his body against mine and adjusted to enter me. I closed my eyes and let them roll back when he filled me completely. My arms came up to hold him closer as he thrust into me with a slow and steady motion of his hips. We held each other and moved like that for a while, not wanting this connection to ever end. Red eyes looked down at me with so much tenderness and yearning and my body responded to that call. He picked a faster pace, undulating his hips perfectly into mine and I moaned again as my breaths picked up.

     “I love you,” I gasped softly into his ear, burying my hands into his rich waves of black hair. “You’re so…beautiful.” He managed to take one of my hands, fingers slid to lace together as he drove his hips into mine harder. I whispered affectionate things into his ear to coax him on. Loki, unable to speak, used his body instead.

_We can love in the way we want again._

_I will always want you._

_Into eternity._

     My heart bowed when he slipped his hand between my legs and beckoned me to release first before he followed. Loki stayed there atop me and I pressed his head to my chest. He listened to my heartbeat for a few moment before he was able to form a question.

     “Can I keep you, sweetheart?”

     “Yes.” I replied at last.

     Let all the pain unfurl.

     Let the hate free with it.

     Let yourself love without fear again.

     What we create here can be real as anything else we’ve endured because we will it so.

     Loki rolled over and I laughed as he took me with him. His skin flooded back to his usual pale color before he gazed down at me. The branches of Yggdrasil had burnt, twisted, and fallen around us. There was so much more to come. We knew this. But, here we were now. Hearts beating as one. I could accept that much. I could accept the love he offered and he could in turn.

     We have earned that much.

** ** **

     The streets of New York bustled around me before I crossed to an emptier sidewalk, glad to be out of the crowd. The day was grey and cold and I smiled to myself, boots clicking across the pavement while I waited to cross with my hands shoved into my pockets.

     “Miss?” A boy asked from my side, causing me to turn.

     “Yes?” I quirked up my brow and the teenager cleared his throat.

     “I’m doing a photography project about the people of New York, and I was wondering if I could take your picture for it?" He shuffled his feet. “Only high schoolers will see them, I swear.  _Er_ …nothing weird. You go to college around here?”

     “You can take one,” I smiled slightly at him. “Though, I’m afraid I’m not from here. I'm, ah...graduated. Far away from here. Just on holiday.”

     “Could have fooled me,” he shrugged. “It’s a project on the dynamic people of our city.”

     “Shall I do anything?” I faced him.

     “No, just stand as you are and look directly into the lens.” He lifted his camera and I stared at it with a slight smile before it flashed brightly. “Hell,” he muttered, fixing a setting as I blinked a few times. “Sorry, I left the flash on…oh? Weird.”

     “What is?” I waited for him to show me the overexposed picture on the screen.

     “Your eyes,” he shook his head. They were near black with a slight flood of yellow and orange swirling along the iris. Shrugging, I simply smiled at him.

     The violence of light against the calm of darkness.

      _Funny_ , Nerien mused in my head. _Psyche claws. Evil waits. Cupid tries._

     “Must be the glare off something.” I sighed with an even breath, the cold catching against my face.

     “Sorry about that, again?” He tried and I nodded but two more teens rushed behind him.

     “Peter, time to go, yeah?” A much younger dark skinned boy nudged at his friend with a smaller girl wearing a red head scarf nodding next to him.

     “Training. You promised,” she cleared her throat and looked at me. “You look familiar.”

     “Cool it, Miles. Kamala. I’m about done.” He glanced at me. “Sorry, about that.”

     “You’re young, I imagine you have much to do,” I chuckled and he smiled at me. Peter snapped a photo of me looking into the camera with a slight curve to my lips. “Wonderful. I wish you luck on your project…and with your training, I suppose.” They thanked me and hurried off so I turned to continue on toward a small café. Quickly, I took a seat outside and ordered a mocha for myself. I’d grown fond of the ways of coffee here.

     “Another grey day,” a man behind me commented as I sipped my drink. He ruffled a paper and I didn’t turn to see him, merely staring ahead of myself. “Come here often?”

     “It is my favorite, so far.” I replied, sitting back.

     “So far? You’re not from here?”

     “Afraid not. Just traveling,” I shrugged and I heard a newspaper page turn.

     “From where?” The stranger asked.

     “Many places,” I responded evenly.

     “Mysterious,” he commented, his voice soft. “Look at all these reports of costumed heroes popping up. A few even coming out since the  _Avengers_. Silly name. What a world we live in.”

     “They certainly make it more interesting,” I enjoyed another drink of my coffee. “There is always work to be done. Evil to fight and what-not.”

     “Think so?” He mused. “Are you meeting anyone?”

     “Yes, but if he doesn’t show up, I might just fall into the arms of any stranger who sits down.” I smirked and Loki turned around quickly in his spot, face flat.

     “You picked coming  _here_  after Italy,” he smacked his paper shut and stood to join me with his coffee.

     “You knew it was coming,” I cocked my head. “It’s been put off long enough. And I know for a fact you didn’t enjoy the heat.”

     “I would have endured,” he teased softly, gloved hand covering mine. We shared a sweet silence before he looked up at my face. “Do you still think about settling down and starting our family?”

     “Yes. As I know you do. We would have to do it in Asgard. I think I’d like it. Raising a new generation there. Teaching them better. When we are ready to return…When you are ready to reveal yourself… We can.” I smiled at Loki and he returned it. “It’s been over a year, sweetheart. Closer to two.”

     “You wish to ensure we’re safe as well. That will take time. Years even. He will come for the gems. We must prepare.” His fingers closed against mine before he turned my scarred hand up. “Shall we spend time with conjuration later?”

     “You know it,” I watched him trace the pristine lines of my scar, in the perfect imprint of the infinity gem. “It’s been nice. No magical artifacts. No bilgesnipe. No-”

     “Your late night acts of heroism are suddenly forgotten?” Loki tilted his head and I smirked.

     “I recall you joining me.”

     “Out of  _obligation_ ,” he shrugged and I snickered.

     “You enjoyed them as much as I did. Admit it.” I crossed my arms and leaned forward. “Loki…”

     “I do consider them bright highlights of our time together. But, I feel that a few more events are more pressing within my mind.”

     “Such as?” I smiled at him and he gazed at me with the same fondness I’ve known for decades.

     “Our wedding night,” he shrugged, nonchalantly. “I suppose that event is one I will remember.”

     “It was okay. The husband was  _eh_.” I winked and Loki perked up.

     “Really, sweetheart? I shall spend our next few nights remedying that.”

     “Loki, darling,” I settled my hand over his now. “If you can’t impress me, it’s all right. I’ll still adore you tomorrow.” My jests caused him to smile suddenly before he exhaled.

     “By the nine, I do love you.”

     “I love you as well,” I clasped my hand into his and we stood to go.

     “If it is your wish,” Loki’s hand slipped around my back, “to go to your friends and reveal yourself…and me…soon. That can be arranged.” He peered at me with bright green eyes but I shook my head.

     “Not just yet,” my arm shifted around his back as well before I briefly put my head on his shoulder. “Like all things, we’ll reveal ourselves at the right time.” Loki paused, eyebrows knitting together before he kissed me.

     “We may not be the only ones,” he commented, softer, but I kissed him again.

     “I know,” I read him easily. “But, until such a time arrives… It is you and I now…and there are people out there waiting for us who love us still with everything they have.”

     “Thor will be furious if he finds out…about me.”

     “Upset perhaps.” I walked along with Loki, contented somehow. “But, more so upset that he didn’t know his brother was out there. He will take you in his arms and embrace you. As we did last we were together. You miss him. I do too.”

     “Yes.” Loki swallowed before he kissed my head. We were not perfect. Night terrors plagued his mind and I fell into fits of melancholy too deep to be pulled from some days. But, we were willing to try. The voices called to me. Comforting and gut twisting, alike. Paranoia gripped us both, but we had to keep going. “With all my heart.”

     “Come on, I want to show you something,” I pulled him off with me down another street.

     “What is it?”

     “Secret,” I winked at him. “It gave me a bit of hope when I was running low.”

     “Like you for me?” Loki’s simple words lifted my heart and I shook my head to suppress my smile.

     “You could say that.”

** ** **

     “Parker, I wanted another word about my offer?” A fist knocked and a teenager rolled his eyes.

     “I’m almost done,” he hung up a few photos. “Come in.”

     “I set you up with a great studio, admit it,” Tony Stark opened the door. "And it's all yours whenever you're here." His eyes drew to a picture of Peter with three close friends on his desk. Peter noticed.

     "Aunt May found that. Harry, M.J., and I with Gwen. Before Harry was shipped off to school and...and before Gwen..."

     "We all know it wasn't your fault. Peter."

     "It's been a year. I miss her...so much. I can't stand it some days. The Green Goblin is after me still, I don't know what to do. Mary Jane, she....she lost her best friend. Harry is...he doesn't talk to me like he used to. Gwen interned at Oscorp and they were close there. I just want to protect others. Young supers and mutants are reaching out to Spider-Man...but, it isn't safe for them. They need to go somewhere better to learn because they won't stop trying."

     "Carol Danvers has a base. Few states away. It'll be safer for those families. Shield mentioned some rumors...a place for mutants. Still shaky there but, I think things will work out. You're doing the right thing, kid. Spider-Man isn't alone." Tony offered, rounding the desk. Peter's spirits lifted when Tony touched his shoulder.  "What more can the Avengers do for you to kick back with us? Small team. Janet and Hank are too busy with work in London. Jane Foster stole them away for some project before I could get a word in."

     "Couldn't get the Wasp."

     "Spider will just have to do." Tony smirked, shrugging and Peter smiled.

     “Let me see the lab downstairs and you have yourself a deal,” Peter turned and crossed his arms. “I’ll join as long as I can keep getting to help other heroes like me. They need it. And I want Mary Jane protected. Harry too...whenever he comes back. He's on track to graduate early so he can get back to Oscorp. Fancy school. Knowing him...he'll be back in New York soon.”

     “Already using the H word. So high and mighty now?” Tony peered over the teen’s shoulder at the photos. “Deal.” His eyes grew wide. He didn't recognize the face at first, but it prickled to focus. Peter didn't seem to know Psyche despite seeing her in popular media so Tony didn't mention it. Asgardian magic escaped him frankly. “What is this?”

     “Project.” 

     “Mind if I have these two? They’re a little out of focus.”

     “Rude,” Peter turned. “Fine. Don’t mess them up. Bring the better one back when you’re done, will you?”

     “Kids,” Tony muttered when he left and rejoined the group lounging upstairs. “Hey, big guy, come here.” Thor turned and came from his conversation with Natasha, Steve, and Clint. "You're here all of one hour for some grand update and you already have some explaining to do." Tony smirked before he held up two photos. “Something you forgot to mention. Our favorite goddess is in New York.” Thor’s blue eyes grew wide at that before he grabbed the photos.

     “I…I was not aware.” He looked at her eyes in each photo and grinned to himself. “I should have known…”

     “Think we should give her a buzz?” Tony shrugged. “We could use her. Frankly...she's missed.”

     “No…” Thor smiled fondly and exhaled. “I will not be here much longer. Jane was too busy with her work for a visit and I'm needed back in Asgard. My friend will come to me…to us...when she is ready.”

** ** **

     “Do you like it?” I nudged Loki’s side. The statue of Cupid and Psyche was as graceful as I remembered it. Loki’s furrowed his brow and drew closer.

     “Are they happy?” He asked in the same tone of wonder and distance that I knew. Mortals walked around us and I let myself sigh.

     “Who is to say?” I shrugged and he laced our hands. “Maybe that is not the real goal. Nor romance. But…acceptance. With themselves. With each other. Souls bound together. Happiness won’t always be there…but, they will be. We went through our trials…and I think I’d like to go back to Asgard…soon. Not immediately. Perhaps, I should visit Avengers Tower first. The worlds are shifting and changing again, are they not?”

     “Are you as nervous as I?” Loki scoffed and peered down at me.

     “Yes,” I didn’t lie.

     “I fear everything could change.” Loki confessed and I leaned up to press our lips together without warning.

     “We shall remain,” I flickered my eyes over his, promising him. “We cannot pass up another adventure to be had. We  _were_  raised in Asgard.” Loki chuckled at that.

     “Yes, I suppose you are right.” He mused with the fondness of an old man counting stars before he drew closer to my ear and repeated the words that bloomed in my heart. “Can I keep you, sweetheart?”

     “Yes. Always.” I inhaled and met his green eyes; contented with my life and the choices I had made so far. Contented with Loki. Contented with the adventure and danger to come. Contented with the hopes I had held onto. Contented with the fact that I was so alive.  _“Into eternity.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all! Phase Five coming begins with Winter Soldier and branches off into many marvel movies/comics. MCU and not. A cluster of new heroes and villains rise. Lots of marvel worldbuilding!! X-Men, Infinity Gems, and little hints of the Comic Civil War storyline to come. Thanos lurks in the distance but let's face it, there are worse villains waiting to come. The Lady and Loki heal together in hiding but new obstacles are just around the corner. Let's just say that having the power to save everyone but feeling like you're not doing enough will take a massive toll.


	29. The Winter Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About two years pass while Loki and the Lady hide on Earth, finally settling in New York where she plans to reveal herself once more. The Lady fears bleeding out into a world that would use her abilities for evil but longs to save lives. Fate forces her back out regardless where she finds herself banding together with a few old friends when a seemingly unknown enemy comes for them all. **Start of Phase Five: Metamorphosis!!!! Probably the most explosive/jam packed phase before the last. Major movie mashups between TASM/MCU/XMCU and others. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just note that the Spider-Man content is based off the TASM actors for Harry and Peter. Timeline is more comic accurate in reference to Gwen's death. Considering I wrote it long before Homecoming and I kind of tapped out of the MCU around AoU. Dane Dehaan as Harry Osborn really sold it because Harry is a very near and dear comic character to me. Some of the content from those movies and the comics stay the same. Bc of tumblr, I kind of write Mary Jane with Antonia Thomas in mind. Winter Soldier will follow the basic plot, like other movie prompts but after this, things really change in a huge way. Also, again, not all characters will match actor descriptions.

           Routines.

           I never thought they could be so beautiful.

           Wake up. Share a few kisses. Possible morning sex. Breakfast. Long walks. That little café on the corner. Shopping till late. Laced fingers. Long talks about where we’ve been and where we’re going next. Naaki pawing for the second treat she’ll always get. Training. Making dinner together when we’re not going out. Always some goodnight sex. Fall asleep tangled and wake to do it again.

           So much in between.

           I enjoyed the television with a hot drink on mornings I woke early. Naaki crawled into my lap and stretched out to nap. Before long, Loki would appear with fresh bedhead that always made me smile and in the gender they felt comfortable in that day. It got to the point where Loki forged two sets of identification, quite comfortable in a female body in public. He named the form Ava on the ID card; said he liked how it sounded with a slight shrug. I let him give me a fake name as well and it was two days before he handed me a new card that read Camille. Loki got a long kiss in response. I was happy he was able to explore the fluidity of his gender and we spent nights discussing it and how he preferred I use his pronouns. We got to comfort each other without walls and with the ability to hold the other so very close. No fear attached. Usually. But, I loved every bit of this.

           “ _I hate this_.” I moaned, falling into bed. Loki chuckled, shifting to his male body before he crawled up next to me.

           “I told you it would be difficult.”

           “I might give up on conjuration.” I flipped over. “It’s almost as bad as my illusion skills.”

           “To be fair, your illusion skills are much better. Those little charms you use to hide your looks aren’t created by me any longer. If it helps, I shall never learn to fly. Sorcerers find their  _niche_  and it is perfectly all right to be comfortable there. Your powers now are quite sufficient, they wish to thrive at the cost of other skills. Take comfort in your abilities.” Loki shifted some hair from my neck before he glanced up. “That wasn’t an invite for  _you_  to get comfortable on the bed!” He changed his tone at Naaki and she wasn’t worried, curling up at the foot of it before he huffed.

           “It is my favorite bed we’ve slept in on Midgard. It’s nice to have our own little house between holidays.” I glanced at the clock and sat up on the mattress. “I have to go soon. Class.”

           “Don’t overdo it.”

           “I just teach the basics of self-defense. One hour. Free. Once a week. This gym is dark and unfrequented often. That isn’t overdoing it. You, my dear prince, snuck your way into an elite lab to play with all the toys.”

           “Oscorp keeps its toys locked down tight.  _Ava_  assists the researchers. And if this gets me access to their wide database, so be it. It’s the closest we’ll get to staying ahead of things. Infiltrating Shield would have been too risky. Oscorp has taken notice of things, set in disarray since the death of Norman Osborn while his son takes over. The boy is not even old enough and yet often carrying a glass of scotch, distracted, he won’t notice me. I've not even spoken to him. Oscorp, however, has seen these super humans and mutants. Your team… Outside threats. It interests them. This mortal government does not trust anything beyond its reach. Tensions build, my sweet. It’ll keep us alive, alert, and provide a fairly normal income. Though, cheating and gambling is sorely missed.”

           “As if we needed that last part. Prince and thief. Building up a bank account before we even came here together.”

           “You gave all your gold away to fund lesbians.”

           “Faleen is bisexual, like Fandral.” I corrected, leaning back on my hands and Loki nodded.

           “Forgive me then. But, I bet the advisers  _loved_  that.” Loki smirked, coming up on his elbow to watch me. “I do feel some pride for you when I think of it.”

           “And that was coin well spent. I wonder if Moira and Faleen have married…” I sat up, smiling to myself before I sighed. “Where is Thor?”

           “Files believe he isn’t on Earth right now. Tony Stark locked himself away from the headlines. Building new suits, they think. Drinking. No telling where Banner escaped to. The Captain is off the map, trying to fit into a world that lost him. According to records, he’s working for Shield. With the archer and widow, I imagine. Nick Fury must  _adore_  that.”

           “The stones?” I wondered. "I've sensed nothing since the Convergence."

           “No telling. It could be decades before another appears now after…” Loki drew his hand up my spine and I inhaled sharply. “It isn’t as if they can come together now.”

           “Lost in body. Not spirit. Souls find a way. Always.” I stared out the window and touched a hand to my chest in an idle motion. The sun had just gone down and the sky was turning a dark shade of blue, stars began to sparkle.

           “You’re so certain its final traces cannot be taken from you.”

           “Yes. Extracting its essence would effectively pick me apart. But, that doesn’t mean certain beings won’t try to take me instead. I'm the whole package now. I don't know, I haven't figured the possibilities yet.” I turned to run my knuckle down his cheek. “The mind stone is somewhat dead but its soul remains apart of mine. The gems cannot be joined or kept apart. Nothing will change that. Believe me, I'd know.”

           “Your blood is still valuable. Midgard is primitive but they’ll figure a way to study it. Oscorp and Shield alike would have a field day. Different reasons.” Loki dropped his green eyes down before he looked at me. “I did.”

           “I know.”

           “When I did, I realized only that you had steadily become less and less of an Asgardian every day.” Loki breathed, evening out his tone. “Nerien created a new level of being when he took you. The mind stone only furthered that. If someone were to take even a drop of your blood, there is no telling what they could do with it. I know you long to fight. But, hiding...you must be safe.”

           “We’ve successfully evaded  _him_ , and Shield, and everyone else. We cannot get too paranoid and we cannot live in fear.”

           “I’m not frightened.” Loki lied while he looked away from my face but I slipped my finger under his chin to draw his gaze to my eyes again.

           “Souls never lie.” I had uttered, Loki was shaken by it somehow when I dropped my hand. “I’m late.”

           “I love you.” He leaned over on his elbow, watching me.

           “I love you too.” I picked up my bag and smiled at him fully. “I’ll be home in a few hours. Don’t stay up too late on the laptop again.”

           “I’ll bond with that bag of skin and watch television.” Loki cocked his head toward Naaki, entertained and I snickered. “Cellphone?”

           “I have it. Failsafe?” I responded, earning a nod.

           “I always have it on me. You?”

           “I do.” Bending down, I gave Loki a quick kiss and hurried out the door. “I’ll write you if I’m late.” Sighing, I started our little black car and pulled out of the driveway. I’d like to say I’d fully adapted to this world. I’d like to say things would always be like this. In my return, I’d seen the groups forming against mutants. Those threatened even frequented my class to gain what self-defense they could against this hatred. I wished I could do more. Loki kept us off the grid and I’d be a fool to compromise that. He reasoned that we would make things worse and he was right. But, I hated standing back when I knew perhaps I had a chance to help those suffering around me. I did little things and posting flyers about self-defense was the least I could do on quiet nights like this. Horrible things plastered the news daily and some evenings, I couldn’t bear it. So, I laid low and volunteered my assistance to organizations willing to help those in need. I wished I felt like I was doing enough, but I knew I never would.

           “Thank you all for coming.” Unblinking fluorescents brought me back to the small crowd of individuals in front of me. Most were young women and a few boys, ready and willing to learn how to defend themselves and escape.  _Was that what I was doing? Escaping._ I only had a few regulars, most encouraged friends to come to a class or two. Often, they would approach me with words of thanks and stories afterward about how I helped them. I did appreciate that in full. The hour swept past and I closed just five minutes past ten o’clock. My guests offered a few words while they packed up to go and I stood at the door to watch them get into cars or walk in small groups to get home. One girl remained, dark skinned with spiraling curls of ginger hair and freckles. She looked about seventeen in mortal years. “I haven’t seen you here before,” I offered her my hand after she changed from her sneakers into a pair of boots. She nodded and took it with a soul like a waterfall that had been frozen in time.  _Familiar_. Our hands dropped while she shrugged on a hoodie and zipped it up.

           “I read the flyer. Did it show that I was new?” She pulled a folded paper out of her pocket and smiled with half her lips.

           “No, you did very well. I’m always glad to have new people, they cycle in and out so quickly. My name is Camille.” I introduced myself again to her with my fake name and she beamed at that.

           “I’m Mary Jane. You can call me M.J. Most do.”

           “I hope to see you again here, M.J., you’re quite talented. Lots of fire and not just in your hair.”

           “Thanks,” she chuckled and waved when I turned to go with my bag in hand. “Nice to meet you.” We shared a smile before I felt the New York cold hit me but her words caused me to still. “Hey, you look familiar.”

           “I probably just have one of those faces,” I shrugged, smiling before I pulled my jacket close and went down the steps. I got into my car and waited for her to come out after another minute. Quickly, I realized she was alone when she went toward the subway so I started my vehicle and pulled up to her. “Need a ride?”

           “No, I don’t live too far.” She took a step toward me and hesitated so I sighed, nodding.

           “It’s freezing, come on. I’m not far either.”

           “Didn’t you just teach us not to engage with strangers?” She joked, leaning down toward the open window.

           “I won’t tell if you won’t. No need to exercise those skills just yet.” I inhaled. It smelled like Thor’s golden skin. I remembered with such fondness a time when I slept pressed into it. “It’s going to rain soon. Bad storm is coming.” Mary Jane glanced up at the clouds before she rounded the car to get in.

           “Thank you,” she offered quietly.

           “Which way?” I smiled light and she pointed so I drove off. “I never leave until my students have gone. I sleep better knowing they left safely. You’re young, what brought you here on a school night?” Idly, she’d point and I’d follow her directions while we spoke.

           “I just…I don’t know…I just wanted to learn how to protect myself. It was free. Been sitting around too long.” There was a beat when rain sprinkled along the windshield so I turned the wipers on. “How long you been doing this?”

           “Few months. Off and on it seems. My partner and I travel quite often. We decided to settle for a while and New York seemed like a good place for us both. But, I do enjoy training the youths.” My words caused her to laugh finally, relaxing.

           “You're barely older than I. You can’t be more than twenty-one. Some of your students were in their forties.”

           “True. Though, it's never too late to learn to defend yourself and others. As for my age, sometimes the heart ages faster than the body.” I stopped at a red light and turned to see her nod.

           “Yeah…I used to party a lot but, I lost a close friend a while back and I…a lot changed.”

           “I’m sorry, this person must have meant a lot to you. Believe it or not, souls have a compelling way of sticking together with others they touch and love. Even after death.” I furrowed my brow and we continued on.

           “She was my best friend. Smarter than anyone I knew. Got my act together afterward. I think she’d be proud. I hope she’d be proud.” Mary Jane sighed and signaled for me to turn. “Tonight helped.”

           “I’m sure she would be. That much is good.” I swallowed.

           “It’s that house,” she pulled her bag into her lap and I parked, pausing to quickly write a phone number onto a flyer I had lying around.

           “I live mere blocks away from here. You ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask for me.” I offered her the paper. “Stay in school and don’t wander alone too late. That Spider-Man swinging about the city cannot possibly be everywhere at once.”

           “ _No_ ,” Mary Jane gave an honest laugh, shaking her head while she peered away. “No, he cannot.”

           “Few more classes and you’ll be able enough to beat the best of them though.”

           “Thank you, Camille.” She brightened up. “Nice to meet you again. I’ll see you around.”

           “Yes, of course, you too. Stay safe.” I waited until she was up the steps and into her house before I drove off. Rain fell heavily upon the window while I turned down a dark road and skidded to a stop, a dark figure ran in front of the car like a flash of shadow. Cursing out, my heart leapt and they disappeared just as fast. Yanking off my seat belt, I left the car running and got out to see but whatever it was, it was long gone. Peering around, I set my hand up and expanded to feel the auras around me. Four humans perched around a television. Two mutants walking about a local park. I felt nothing but animals in the forested area and dropped my hand, exhaling so I leaned against the car to catch my breath.  _Just a deer…it had to be._ Soaked, I peered around while my bright headlights illuminated the path ahead before I rubbed my eyes and got back in. Gripping the steering wheel, I turned the music off and drove home.  _Could have been my imagination._  Sneaking inside the house, I hurriedly washed up and crawled into bed behind Loki as he slept. Or so I thought.

           “Late.” He mused, turning over so I could stretched out into his body. Thunder clapped and he whined, shifting into me. “ _Thor_.” He hissed instead. “Always trying to ruin my night without even showing that perfect face of his.” Naaki slept on her perch while the television buzzed softly with the news.

           “ _…Victor Von Doom is believed to have fled to Latveria this morning after…_ ” I turned it off when the storm caused it to flicker.

           “I was listening to that.” Loki chuckled, eyes closed. “You never approved.”

           “His last name is  _Doom_ , Loki. Not sure you should pine after him.” I sighed into his chest, eyes closing. “Admiring that  _Emerald_   _Troll’s_ glider was bad enough.”

           “It was stolen Oscorp tech. And that flight suit. I saw them test those once or twice. Gone mere days later.” He huffed. “He called himself Green Goblin. Until that  _Arachnid Boy_  killed him. The Daily Bugle had a field day with that.”

           “Spider-Man never struck me as someone to kill intentionally.” I muttered in response.

           “I felt the same about you once.” Loki swallowed. “Silly of me.”

           “Yes,” I sighed, “it very much was.”

           “Have I upset you?”

           “With your flirtatious talk of murder or your pining?” I spoke in jest and Loki hummed in response.

           “I certainly do not  _pine_. I long to beat such a foe. He runs his own country and I’d simply like to pick his brain.”

           “I’d like to pick him out of yours,” I joked again lightly. “Reed Richards and his team has connections to mine. News outed that easily. Poor Tony gets no privacy. I would not mind being introduced to the Invisible Woman, she seems charming.”

           “Banner does better at locking himself away from the world despite leveling New York.” Loki shifted his fingers along my skin.

           “I recall you sporting a terrible horned helmet and standing at the top of Avengers Tower with the sun on your face while an  _army_  flew out a giant hole in the sky.”

           “That didn’t last long when you snuffed my light out with your silhouette before you broke my face.” He teased. “I’ll admit now, I was shorthanded on my so-called army.”

           “I cut my knuckles open on your cheekbones, I hardly broke your face.” I kissed his bare chest idly and rolled over. Loki came with and draped an arm over my waist. “Most here believe you are some model no matter which form you take. Do you like my body?”

           "I _revere_  every inch of your body." Loki came up to see me, head cocking. "You haven't asked me such a question since our early days together."

           "I never thought Midgardians would make me...insecure. In Asgard, I was shy about my size. My flesh and curves. But, I never had problems finding clothing I liked and my body was not... Well, here, they exclusively admire slim girls like Sif or Moira more so than Asgard even does. It just made me reflect. People seem surprised when we lock hands."

           "I am nourished by their jealousy." Loki joked and I giggled when he pressed kisses into my neck, hair tickled my skin. "I must ask…did you really hate my helmet?”

           “Loki, you dress better than anyone in Asgard but that helmet was just…so much. I worried enemies would grab for it in battle.” I smirked before he huffed into my neck and shifted down to squeeze my side, effectively tickling me again. Squirming, I rolled back over to push at him, giggling aloud. “I’m going…to strangle you,  _Loki_.” I wheezed and he relented, staring at my face before I shook my head. “That was not princely of you.”

           “Nothing ever is anymore,” Loki leaned in to kiss my lips, fingers drumming along my thigh before they smoothed under my nightgown but I fell against my pillow.

           “On my way home, I almost hit something. I think it was a man. Or a large animal.” I admitted. “Could someone be watching us?”

           “Heimdall cannot even see us,” Loki exhaled, rubbing my shoulder. “If it were a foe, I think it would have attacked you.” He leaned in to kiss along my collarbone.

           “Are you trying to distract me with sex?” I muttered after a moment.

           “Oh? Would you like that?” Loki came up and slipped one sleeve down my shoulder to kiss there next. “Is it working?” Instantly, I turned him over onto his back and straddled him. Crossing my arms over his chest, I tilted my head and sighed when he cupped the back of my head.

           “You tell me.” Planting my hands on either side of his head, I kissed him deeply and leaned back when his thoughts pushed through his emotions. “I’m  _not_  going to call you Dr. Doom while we have sex.”

           “I did not mean to think that, you have my mind racing.” Loki rubbed his forehead and let his hands fall back.

           “I believe you,” I sat up. “I wasn’t even trying to get into your head that time.”

           “ _That time_ ,” Loki mocked, palming my thighs. “You don’t even think when you do it anymore. I try so hard to draw out our lovemaking. Pleasuring you slowly in all the ways you enjoy.”

           “Teasing,” I corrected.

           “ _Taking charge_  but you always know exactly what I like and how to get me to melt in your hands and then you press those buttons just to watch my act fall apart.”

           “Poor, poor Loki.” I pouted and came down, sliding my pelvis into his before I kissed just under his jaw to get him to shudder against me.

           “You’re…” Loki made a breathy sound under my body. “You’re doing it again.”

           “Doing what?” I leaned up and grinded into him, feeling him get hard against my inner thighs. “You’ll have to explain it.” Loki reached up to untie my nightgown’s top, pulling it open to see my breasts as my sleeves fell to my elbows. Rubbing against him, I sighed and watched him growl at my play when pleasure ran up his body. He displayed his teeth while he hissed before running his palms along my hips and stomach, fingers reached down to pull my underwear aside and free his cock at the same time.

           “I won’t come rutting against you like an animal this time.” Loki made me snicker silently. Teeth catching my bottom lip, I stroked him a few times and positioned myself before sinking down.

           “Fair.” I sighed, head tipping back. “Better?” Fingers traced along my breast, pads circling my nipples until pleasure seized my frame.

           “ _Move_ ,” he pleaded, black nails scratching my outer thighs when I did. Hurried, we rocked messily for awhile with soft sighs filling the room. Loki bucked under me and bit into his own lip, unable to hold it together. Quieted, we knew this wouldn’t last into the night and focused on coming before Loki licked his fingers and rubbed between my legs while he held my nightgown up to peer down at where our bodies met. “Gods, you look as beautiful as you feel.” Unable to speak, I closed my eyes and leaned back to allow him to fondle my clit before my body seized with release. Loki kept stroking to tighten me up and keep me moving until he came inside me. I buried my face into his neck so he held me, catching his breath before I rolled off him.

           “We still have it, do we not?” I chuckled and he followed after a lingering moment.

           “Thought I was getting old?” Loki sat up to adjust the covers before he draped his body along mine. “If anything we’re getting younger.” The TV clicked back on and I huffed aloud, he rolled over and took me with him.

           “I don’t want to watch the news.” I muttered against his skin.

           “Yes, but we have to pay attention. Somewhat.” Loki traced lines up my spine with his fingers, sinking his hand into my hair to massage my scalp.

           “Hard to pay attention when you do that.” My head came to rest on his chest, the vibrations of his heart further flooded me with his emotions. It was soothing to feel him so contented here. “Don’t you have work in the early morning?”

           “I’ll be out no later than one o’clock. Meet me, we’ll explore the markets. Enjoy coffee. And that night, I want to take you to dinner. Wear something regal.”

           “Will you take me to the  _ball_  after?” I joked slightly and he smirked wider.

           “If that is your wish,” Loki flipped the channel to another news station.

           “I’ll meet you outside Oscorp at one,” I yawned and closed my eyes as Loki’s breathing rocked me and the television droned on across the room.

            _“…reports of trespassers pirating off the Indian Ocean just hours ago…”_

** ** **

           “How do I look, Naaki?” I turned along the mirror and she yawned, hopping up onto the dresser. She pawed at some of Loki’s clothing and I picked her up, shutting the drawer. “You can’t keep getting into his things, this isn’t Asgard.” I kissed her head and set her on the counter, gathering items and dropping them into my purse. My tea was cold now when I finished it and rinsed the cup by hand, checking a clock. _Twenty minutes._ My skirt shifted when I adjusted my leggings and hurried to grab some socks and boots. “Naaki!” I heard a thud in the closet and watched her drag one of Loki’s coats out. “What’s gotten into you?” She buried her head into the pocket to pull out a thin bag of cat treats. He sometimes kept a few with him to win her favor. Huffing, I watched her run toward the couch with it and let her dig the last two out. Something clicked against the floorboard when I grabbed Loki’s jacket and noticed a square flash drive. One not meant for an ordinary computer with the Oscorp logo on it. My next exhale shuddered apart. “ _Great_.” I’d need one of Oscorp’s computers to see what was on it. “…Damn it, Loki.”  _Not again._ Naaki watched me point at her as I went, heels clicking. “You know this is partially your fault, my sweet.”

           Leaving much earlier than I should have, I drove straight toward the city and into a parking garage as I preferred to walk. The extent of my illusion magic as far as my powers went was masking charms that didn’t change my appearance but they tricked people into not recognizing me. I’d take anything at this point. Sometimes I saw myself on television in old footage and still it was surreal. It was mostly frustrating. Hiding like this at times. My hood kept the rain out while it beat down from a cloudy, grey sky. No one paid me any mind as I rounded the Oscorp tower and shifted into an alleyway, staring down at the flash drive before I curled my fingers around it and zipped my jacket all the way. Burrowed into a dark crevice along the building, I focused myself and lifted into the sky with a mere twirl of sunset lights. Blending in, I went unseen while I occasionally paused to peek into windows for a room with the right technology. At the top, of course, I found it in the biggest office and waved my hand to turn every camera away before I dried myself with magic and slipped inside. The room was massive here at the very top and I could see Avengers Tower out along the skyline, the sight made me sigh to myself.

           “All right, husband, what are you hiding?” I rounded the black desk with a screen along it before I pressed the flash drive down and watched it jump to life. Files spread out and I groaned. They were edited Shield files and the first one was mine. I stared at my picture and opened the psychological profile.

            _“…mentally unstable, uncertainty about powers, dangerous, unpredictable. Unmedicated. A childlike dependency on others. Could be coaxed into submission. High threat risk. Must investigate in further detail but subject was unwilling to cooperate. Not even she knows the extent of her-”_  Furious, I swept it away and crushed my teeth together.  _“No tests were further conducted, but it was made clear by subject and allies that she was foreseen as a special case. Status: Asgardian? Alive. Sighted. Missing. Must be kept under surveillance. Potential?”_

My interest drew to that last part.  _Potential_. What could that mean?

Thor’s file was there too. Under vitals and blood work, both files were marked “N/A” which set me at ease. But, the main difference in our files was his was marked as “no potential.” Again, I couldn’t figure it. Loki’s came next.  _No potential. Status: Deceased._

Why did Loki steal our Shield files? Why did Oscorp have them in the first place? Someone had edited them recently.  _Potential_. The door behind me jostled and I gasped aloud, shutting down the files before I swiped the flash drive up and flew forward into an attached bathroom, huddling around the corner as the door opened.

           Loki’s going to kill me for this.

           Not after I throttle him for lying.

           “Harry-”

           “ _It’s Mr. Osborn._  Come back when you have answers!” A younger voice cracked, the door slammed and footsteps followed. I pressed my hand to my lips and went rigid before I heard glasses clinking and a drink being poured. “ _Shit_ ,” something cracked and glass shattered against a wall. I felt a lost soul flame with rage then fizzle with fear and despair. It was so familiar to me. After a muffled growl, I heard a tiny sob and my heart lifted up with something I couldn’t explain. The sniffling carried, slowed, and went impossibly silent when this person plopped into their desk to shuffle around a drawer. “You’re a terrible assassin or thief…you could have put on a mask instead of turning the cameras. Everyone’s putting on a mask these days. I have a gun, come out.” Frozen, I didn’t move before a click followed.

           “Put the gun down.” I swallowed. “I’ll come out.”

           “No.” He paused, tone changing. “You’re a girl.”

           “You sound like a boy, barely a man.” I chuckled, teeth showing when I smiled to myself. “Harry Osborn. Son of the late and  _great_ , Norman Osborn. I’ve read about you and Oscorp many times. I’ll come out. Don’t call security. I’m not here to harm you, child.”

           “Safety’s off, lady. Out.”

           “That smells like expensive scotch. You’re under twenty-one, son. Maybe pour me a glass and we can talk. Civilized, no?”

           “Hands up or I’ll-”

           “Yes, I’ve seen the movies. I’m certain you look tough right now.”

           “Everyone has terrible aim in the movies.” He replied, I could hear his smirk. “I don’t think I’ll have that problem at this proximity.”

           “Certain? I hear little shudders in that voice.” I noted and he changed the subject.

           “Come out. There’s a drink in front of this chair. You’re going to sit down and tell me why you broke in and why I shouldn’t have you arrested.” At his words, I settled my hands up and turned the corner. His reddened eyes went a little wide at the sight of me. "You're so...young."

           “I needed a computer and I have a date I’d like to not be late for.” I answered both of his questions. “I'm not that young, I just look it. Shouldn’t you be in school?” He was pale and skinny, taller than I with brown hair that had been recently messed. “You look tired, young man.”

           “Boarding school. Happily graduated early. Oscorp needed me. Sit.” The gun gestured to the chair so I stepped fully into the light. Harry almost dropped the weapon when he met my brown eyes. “Oh, shit… You’re  _her_.”

           “ _Oh, shit_ ,” I replied in turn. “My charm must have fallen when I used my energy to fly up here. I’m off my game today. You’ll forgive me, I hope.” My eyes drew to the gun. “Your hand is shaking.” I blinked and the safety clicked back on with magic, causing him to glare in the slightest and lower it. Though, his curiosity and wonder overcame him. “You’ll break your wrist with that recoil.”

           “You’re really her. That Asgardian. Psyche. You looked taller in the footage. Hell, you look closer to my age than to any of the Avengers.”

           “So I’ve been told.” I gazed at him, his eyes were bright with fiery pride.

           “You’re here. Right here. I thought I’d never get the chance to meet you but…here you are... Breaking into my office?” Harry was grinning still when I slipped into the chair. I wasn’t worried that he saw me. More somber as I knew what it would mean. “So you could  _wish_  this gun out of my hand if you wanted.”

           “I could spit those bullets back at you.” I cocked my head. “How old are you?”

           “How old are  _you_?” He countered and I smirked, picking up the drink to eye it before I sipped and he set the hand holding the gun down along the table, still pointing it at me. “Most girls don’t like being asked that.”

           “We don’t like having guns pointed at us either.” I flicked two fingers, the barrel shifted over. Harry contemplated it but then quickly slipped the gun away. “There we go, much better.”

           “Sorry. After my dad… Well, Oscorp has a problem with thieves.” He ran his trembling fingers into his hair and I decided that I would indulge him. It was a noted sin of mine. Indulgence with other souls.

           “I imagine so. You mentioned you wanted to meet me. Why?”

           “I think that you could help me.” Harry set his hands flat on his desk.

           “Help me first, Harry Osborn, why did you have Shield’s files on Asgardians?”

           “You think my father told me everything?” He gulped his drink like an old man, eyes rolling to remind me that he was on the cusp of young adulthood.

           “I think you’re a clever boy all on your own.” I smiled sweetly and he faltered, setting his glass down.

           “He was sick. Dying. Bled into his research on a cure. I think he believed your people had some sort of magic or…or a power, I don’t know, to help save him. My old man was desperate. You and the big guy disappeared after that alien attack and…that was it. But, you’re here now drinking my four thousand dollar scotch. …Why do you have those files now?” His bright blue eyes narrowed.

           “They were taken from your father and I found them.” I pocketed the flash drive when he reached to take it, huffing at me. “I’d like to keep them, I didn’t like what they said about me.”

           “I didn’t write that. Bit harsh. Is it true?”

           “It’s complicated.” I gulped and Harry poured himself another glass before offering to fill mine. Lifting the crystal cup, I nodded and he smiled at me, eyes lowering. He was a charming boy with a striking face.

           “I’m not good with complicated.”

           “You should not tell such lies, Harry.” I lifted the glass to my lips and downed it. Midgardian alcohol was nothing.

           “You broke into my office, lady… I need your help. My dad might have gotten one thing right.” Harry sniffled and wiped his hand across his lips before he pulled his collar down.

           “Oscorp wasn’t the only thing dear father passed down to you.” I observed the sickly, green tinged sore on his neck, sighing. Harry Osborn was a frightened young man and he was looking at me with hope and anger in his eyes. It was just so familiar to my heart. I felt myself responding to it. “Asgardian illness and mortal illnesses are different. We're are not allowed to-”

           “I saw in your file,” his breathing picked up while he pressed his finger into his desk, “that you were different. You. I read it a thousand times. Every single word about you. In that file. In the paper. In interviews of people who observed you. _I lost sleep over you._ They knew that something inside you could change things. Maybe the world. You could be my shot at survival. My father was murdered by the Spider-Man. My best friend refused me and I am running out of time. It’s spreading. Faster than my dad’s did. I don’t have a chance but you’re here. It’s meant to be. They talked like you were some omnipotent force and not also a pretty girl with scars and a beating heart who can do amazing things. You’re a hero and I know you want to help. Please. Try.”

            _Mortals_. Odin recalled in my brain.  _Illness is their defining trait._

“I’m not as strong as I was, child. If I could yank that illness from you, I would. But, there are things even Asgardians can’t do. I’m not equipped.”

           “If I had just one sample of your blood, maybe I could-”

           “ _No_.” I pressed my teeth and tried to be harsh when his eyes sparkled. “Terrible things would happen if I bled out into the world.”

           “Terrible things are going to happen if you don’t. Maybe you're scared too, I can see you're in hiding. Earth needs you and maybe you need it too. I bet you miss it. Fighting out there. You want to help others. Don't be afraid.” Harry’s eyes grew wet but he held it together. “You can go to the Avengers then. Convince Spider-Man to help me. He owes me. He knows he does! Tell him to come back! Please! Help me… I don’t want to die like this. Trust me, I’m not going to let your blood go anywhere else, I just want a  _chance_! Do you know what it’s like to never be given a chance? To be brushed off and pushed away!” I shook my head and lied to him and myself. Sobered and unable to explain what I was thinking. “Feel it, at least. They said you can feel it when-” Harry rounded the desk to kneel and take my hands, I hissed when his emotions touched mine but I allowed him. He squeezed my palms desperately in his. “You see?”

           “I can feel that you’re lost…and alone…and terrified. You feel like everyone is against you and you feel like you’ll never be strong enough. Never be good enough. You want someone to pick you up and promise you that everything is going to be all right and that one day you will know safety. But, I cannot cure you. I don’t even know what this is. I am deeply sorry.”  _Unloved. Unworthy_. I had to pull my rigid hands away. “The best I can do it take pain, but that is not lasting.” I touched his temples and sighed, knowing what I was about to do.

           “I felt it. I know you can help me. I know you want to. I’ll…I’ll tell everyone that you’re back on Earth!” His threats were half-formed and weak so I smiled fondly at him. Skinny hands latched to my arms, fingers gripping before he pleaded my real name. I almost paused and he said my name again with force. “I need you. Please.  _I need you_.” Harry was looking at me, pleading prayers to the only god he could believe in. The only one he cared to. I'd never felt such a sensation before from a mortal in my long years of life through Asgard. Something bitter touched my heart.

           “If ever I knew how to help you, Harry Osborn, I would. Thank you for answering my questions. But, you won’t even remember our moments here, darling.” His eyes went wide before I delved into his brain and pulled out what I needed to. Harry was crying while I shushed him before he fell forward into me like a sleeping babe. I left him on a leather couch and fixed the cameras after I flew down from the window. _I am sorry._  Loki was in her female form when I watched her across the sidewalk in a crowd, looking for me. She smiled at my face and I marched forward.

           “You’re late, sweetheart, I-” Loki paused when the flash drive was pressed into her hands. “…I can explain this.”

           “No, Ava, I insist that you do.” I passed her and she caught up.

           “Please, don’t be upset, I was trying to connect the dots before I told you.”

           “We swore…no more lies of such nature.” I hissed, pulling her off to the side. “This could have put us both in danger, I don’t understand-”

           “Norman Osborn was the Green Goblin.” She confessed. “It didn’t take me long to figure it. That suit kept him alive but it was not meant to be lasting. Whatever happened between him and Spider-Man got him killed. There were drugs he developed in secret. Made him stronger...but they ruined his mind. He left this all to his son.”

           “Yes…I gathered that just a little while ago. I met his son. Charming young boy, Harry Osborn. More sad than anything. He doesn’t know yet. I fear for what happens when he does.”

            _What to do with all that pain and anger?_  Nerien uttered behind me.

           “You,  _what_?” Loki furrowed her brow, pulling me closer to the building next to us.

           “He won’t remember me. I needed to open the file and he caught me. They both thought Asgardians could cure them-”

           “They believed  _you_  specifically could cure them.  _You_. You have powers that no Asgardian does. Powers that are fueled but not created by the flow of magic in your veins to the point where you’re not even allowed to use that magic for anything else but them half the time. You will increase because of that. You swallowed an infinity gem and lived. You defied  _everything_  an Asgardian was supposed to be when Thor created the mold and the realms want you for it. You’re not an Asgardian in blood to them anymore. You’re the next step in our evolution. Asgard loved and feared you for this. Nerien didn’t just give you a simple gift, he fundamentally changed you in a way that no one can figure. He gave you a terrible and great gift…and he trusted you alone with it. The mind stone was the spark. Shield coveted running tests on you but they couldn’t, but they are aware that something inside you could unlock secrets and questions they haven’t thought to ask.”

           “Well, I can’t cure them. I’m not good enough. I can’t even save a frightened young mortal from-” I swallowed and caught myself. Harry’s soul shook me. “People want to  _congratulate_  me for this power but all I feel is so much pain and I… Loki, I can’t risk my blood getting out into this world after what I’ve seen. But, I cannot...stand back. It gets harder by the hour.”

           “I am sorry.”

           “I’m not blaming you anymore.”

           “Yes, but, it is my fault still.” She crossed her arms and looked up while people passed us on the street. I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Norman Osborn stole Shield’s files on us and others while he was the Goblin. But, I didn’t want to risk us so I stole them in turn. Who knew Asgardians would be in this much danger on Midgard? I should have told you the second I did, but I wanted to connect this first and please, you must believe that I had no ill intentions with those files. None. Feel if you must.” Loki offered her hand and I didn’t move, shaking my head.

           “I don’t want to constantly treat and rely on my powers as some lie detector in our relationship, that isn’t healthy. I trust you. I trust you more than I trust them.”

           “You trust your powers more than you’ll ever trust anyone and I don’t blame you for that.” Loki sighed, rubbing her neck to get rid of her nerves. “But, I appreciate that you’re not relying solely on them any longer.”

           “Without the mind stone’s body inside my heart, I’m not as strong as I used to be. My flight time. My magic. My influence. All of it is down. I knew few limits and now I have to relearn.”

           “Yes, I know. We’ll test you again when we get the chance but, let’s not bother with this.” She took my arms. “Let’s enjoy today like we originally planned. The files are safe, we’re hidden, and neither Shield nor Oscorp has anything on you.”

           “I felt bad,” I confessed, “I didn’t try to heal him.”

           “I’ve seen Osborn’s files, you couldn’t have done anything.”

           “I didn’t  _try_  to...I was terrified.” I repeated and pressed my lips.

           “I know this is frustrating but the way we live now is-”

           “For the best. We talked about it. I know.” I tried to brighten just a bit before I took her hand in mine. “Let’s get away from this place for now.” Loki kissed me quickly and led me off toward clothing stores. I tried to put my mind elsewhere but the blue of Harry Osborn’s tearful eyes sparkled in the back of my brain. I thought of that girl from the other night, Mary Jane, and tried to find comfort in the fact that I tried to help her and many others. “I do need perfume while we’re here,” I spoke idly, browsing through a rack of faux-leather coats.

           “Do I need another green scarf?” Loki sighed, cocking her head and holding the silken fabric to her neck.

           “ _No_.” I went flat before she smirked. I tried to chuckle but turned and went a little silent while Loki shifted over to eye a blouse. “It’d look good on you,” I offered but she paused to come to me.

           “You’re still thinking about the Osborn boy.”

           “I didn’t expect him to be so like _that_ and to feel the way he did. I’m fine. You know how I am after I touch a soul, it’s a little…I don’t know if draining is the word. The Spider-Man and Green Goblin are connected to him and I think he’s close to figuring that.”

           “Everything is connected. These supers. Us. The mutants. We’re all intertwined.” Loki looped her arm into mine and led me up an escalator. “We just don’t know it yet. They especially don’t.”

           “Usually that means something is coming. It was a person I almost hit yesterday. It had to be. They said in my file that I was sighted, someone could be watching us now.”

           “You would have sensed them.”

           “Try as I may, I cannot pick up on everything and you should know that better than anyone,” I followed her into a café.

           “Go sit, I know what you like.” She cocked her head and I found a corner spot by a window. People glanced at me when I sat down but paid me no more attention. I tapped my fingers along the table and looked outside at the many cars below. “Peppermint mocha for me and a chai tea latte for my sweet wife.”

           “Much appreciated,” I watched Loki slide into the chair across from me.

           “I know I come across like I’m not worried.”

           “You don’t.” I corrected instantly. “You’re terrified because you know this bubble we have could end and you don’t want it to.” Loki blinked at me and I sat back. “Sorry. It’s becoming a habit, I know it’s unsettling.”

           “Well, you’re not wrong,” she sipped from her drink and I followed after another beat. I twisted my wedding ring along my finger and peered back up at her. “…You didn’t read your whole file, did you?” Green eyes watched me rub my head before she sighed. “Look, that psychological profile-”

           “I don’t care.” I shook my head. “I read terrible things in the papers about me. Few times. How I’m not here to save people when it’s my duty to. How Thor and I bailed after New York was torn apart. This government is not trusting of mutants and it doesn’t trust us either.”

           “They cannot control either.”

           “Reminds me of home.” I commented, gulping down the warm latte and Loki didn’t argue with that. “Let’s go. I saw a flower stand downstairs.” I took her hand before we finished our drinks and went down an escalator. I laced my fingers into hers and hummed softly while I peered at the many bunches of bright bouquets . “I’ll take the roses.” The stand owner smiled and I paid for them while Loki had wandered off to see the fountain at the center of the mall. “For you, my sweetheart.”

           “They’re stunning,” she kissed me and looked into my eyes. “I love you.”

           “I love you as well.” We wandered along the fountain and I stopped to check over a map of stores. A larger man bumped into me and I peered at him.

           “ _Sorry_.” He muttered in a rough tone while he passed, he'd looked at my face for a lingering moment with dark eyes and something shook me.

           “Are you listening?” Loki’s idle voice brought me back instead.

           “Hmm?” I turned to see her point when she tugged at my arm.

           “Let’s go here next. Two floors up.” Loki was pulling me away, while I peered at the crowds around us. My chest heaved. Time slowed and the overlapping voices suffocated me before I swallowed and drew closer to Loki at my side.

           “Wait,” I chuckled, stopping to peer in a jewelry store’s window.

           “Leave it to you to be distracted by shiny gems.” Loki beamed.

           “I don’t need jewelry, I just think it’s pretty,” I pointed to a necklace before turning my gaze. “Those earrings would suit you though.”

           “Mother would enjoy that ring.” Loki smiled more so to herself. “Do you think she can see us?”

           “She’s watching you for sure.” I nudged her arm and Loki held her roses closer, sighing with a shaken expression. “Hey, it’s alright.”

           “I’m fine.” Loki offered softly. “I miss her. Even Odin on occasion. What does he think of me now? Has he gotten over me? …Has Thor?”

           “I doubt it. I know for lingering moments of their days, they think of you. I know that little things along the palace and grounds remind them of you as well. Both sadly and fondly.” I steered Loki off with me, arms locked together still. “I doubt Frigga has betrayed our secret and I know she thinks about you every single day. She understands.” My voice dropped to a whisper while we passed stands and I peered over a guardrail at the fountain below again. The man that bumped into me was sitting there, peering back up at me so I sighed audibly and looked up to the many skylights above.

           “It’s a real shame about the weather today,” I cleared my throat and Loki’s gaze snapped to my face. Rain fell upon the glass while the sky turned a dark shade of grey. I brought my hands up to the rail and she covered one, squeezing while she clutched the roses tighter in her other arm. Subtly, I nodded and swallowed when I filled Loki’s head with images of what I’d seen. We were being tailed.

           “And me without my umbrella,” she agreed in our code. Instantly, I curled my hand into Loki’s and tugged her along with me through the groups of people.

           “I only feel one,” I breathed, turning a corner. “Rushing up the escalator.” We hurried down a set of steps and tried to blend in with crowds before a spray of bullets sent glass and rain crashing down. Instantly, I covered Loki and ducked down when the people around me followed. Screams of horror echoed against another round, more glass rained while everyone dashed for cover and began to run toward exits. "Run, go!" I swept my hands out to hurry mortals along. Loki and I peered back while I covered her; the man was looking at me with a grin so I jerked Loki up.

           “We must go!” She called over the screams when I hesitated. Midgardians cowered and shouted in terror, racing when the man broke into a sprint. “You can’t help them, he's after you!” Loki got me to move until we began to run. “There’s an exit, one more flight of stairs to the right.” Subtly, I used magic to push a crowd of teens aside when more bullets whizzed by us. In the chaos, we turned a corner and Loki covered me suddenly, arms around mine. She let out a pained cry. People emptied as I tugged a breathless Loki with me until she skidded to a stop and reached behind her shoulder to pull a silver dart from it. Stumbling, she dropped it and held the roses so close, her arms, collar, and chest began to bleed from the thorns.

           “Ava,” I took her face, “focus.” She blinked a few times as I cursed and tugged her behind a pillar. Arms spread and humans were all pushed aside with a mighty gust of magic. Light billowed off me this time, exposing me.

           “I’m fine.” She slipped down, trying so hard to stay alert. Around us, rain splattered in while people slipped and dove for cover under tables and stalls. They needed me. Others rushed to get to the exit and call the police. I could hear sirens outside and Loki was fading so I kissed her head and she tried to stop me. “No…don’t.”

           “There are innocent people here, I can’t run.” I yanked back from her and rounded the pillar when our attacker aimed for me. “You want me?!” I spread my arms out, hair matting down and wild before I rushed toward him, dodging bullets. I could feel my charm slipping from my face again as if the rain was washing it away. The many eyes from people around me seared while they watched me move. Panicked somewhat, he lifted a smaller weapon and fired two darts but energy swept them into the wall before I rushed toward him and lifted off the ground completely. A battlecry tore from my vocal cords into the rain. Flying, I picked him up and we crashed into another pillar together. Blood spurted from his lips so I tossed him into the floor, growling in a heated rage when I kicked his weapon away. He smiled with broken, reddened teeth and pride. I grabbed his collar and opened my lips to speak. Loki was reaching for me across the way, lying on her side.

           “They can see you now.” He lifted a finger to point at the camera and I heaved for air, holding him. “They all see you.” Around me, panicked Midgardians stared in wonder and terror while they looked at my face to recognize their missing Avenger. A few held cellphones to record and I dropped him to the floor again when foam flooded out from between his lips as he bit into a cyanide capsule. “ _Hail Hydra._ ” Horrified, I stepped backward. Everyone stared, whispering and the sirens blared outside. Unable to bear the burn of every gaze, I ran forward and picked Loki up while she faded and crushed roses into her skin.

           “ _It’s her._ ” The many murmers carried around the falling rain. “ _Psyche_.”

           “ _I’m sorry_ ,” I cracked, flying up toward the fall of rain and over the building framed in police cars. “I need you, Loki, stay awake.  _Please_.” She got one arm around my neck and pressed her head to me, her emotions swirled and I tried not to cry anymore. I flew over buildings along the grey sky and pushed myself harder but my spine began to ache. “I have to land, I won’t make it home.”

           “Car.” Loki exhaled. “We must go.” Landing in the parking garage, I ran with Loki in my arms until I came upon our vehicle. I put her in and buckled her seatbelt but Loki grabbed my coat. “What…did he say to you?”

           “In a moment,” I pushed her off and closed the door, peeking around for anyone else before I got in and began to drive off. My knuckles turned white along the wheel when we exited and got back onto the road. Loki breathed my name, head lulling to peer at me when I hit the wheel and cursed. “He wanted me to fight back! If he couldn’t get me, he need to out me in front of everyone!” I screamed out when we stopped at a light and lowered my head to my hands to compose myself. “He ate a cyanide capsule and died before I could get anything else but he…his last words. He looked at me and said  _Hail Hydra_.”

           “They are a mere piece of history.”

           “They’re an important piece of someone’s specific history. I first heard that saying in their head. Long ago.” I turned to look at Loki. “We need to pack. This attack was meticulously planned and calculated to put me back into the world on purpose. We're compromised.”

           “Don’t say it,” Loki groaned.

           “We’re going to DC.” I tried not to speed along the road, looking around every chance I got. “I need to talk to Steve Rogers.”

           “You’re going to be all over the news today. More will come for you. The Avengers.”

           “Which is why we need to get out of New York now.” I turned a corner. “I don’t want to involve the Avengers just yet, I have to find Steve and speak with him. We know where he is.” I dug around for a bottle of water and pressed it into Loki’s hands. “Drink this and stay awake until we can get a potion in you.”

           “Pity about the roses.” Loki uttered in an empty tone, looking at them mangled in her lap. Blood smeared her arms and suddenly she broke into a sob.

           “ _I know_.” My voice cracked but I held it together, hands shaking. “We prepared for this, Loki.”

           “Did we,  _really_?!” She wiped makeup down her eyes and looked at me.

           “I need you to stay in that form. Maybe further change your eyes and hair color some to ensure nothing traces to you.” I sniffed and peered at her. “I’ll keep you safe.” My promise stirred her before she gulped more water and set it aside, rubbing her head.

           “Shall I book us a flight?”

           “No, I’ll drive. It’s safer.” We fell into silence until I pulled into our driveway. I got out and helped Loki into the little house while she stumbled. Sitting her on a couch, I knocked things off a bookcase so she spoke.

           “Top shelf. The box on the left.” Quickly, I got the potion and uncorked it, pressing it into her hands. Loki relaxed and nodded when I kneeled before her. “Much better.”

           “Clean up. We should be gone soon in case we were followed. I didn’t feel anyone but you never know.” I turned when Naaki crept into the room and brushed against Loki’s legs until she bent down to pick her up. Sighing, I plucked up a small bottle of ointment from a bedside table and rubbed it into Loki’s tiny cuts to instantly heal them. She let me fuss over her before taking my face to kiss me, terrified beyond belief. Nodding, I stood and left to grab a bag while she packed in our bedroom. “Naaki, come.” I picked up her things and Loki stood in the doorway.

           “We should leave her.”

           “It’s not safe.”

           “She’s safer here then with us. If someone comes, she’ll run. The little beast can care for herself.” Loki crossed her arms and my shoulders dropped while I zipped up a bag.

           “I might know someone who can watch her…”

** ** **

           “You shall have to get out of the car eventually…” Loki muttered from her seat. Her hair had been turned a darker shade of brown with a hazel tinge to her green eyes.

           “I know.” I sighed and paused before I picked up Naaki and her bag. Carefully, I got out and looked around then climbed a few steps to a house, knocking. I heard footsteps as a slot clicked open and a pair of wide eyes peered at me.

           “You!” Mary Jane Watson gaped at my face and I pressed my lips.

           “Me.” I agreed, cocking my head before the door yanked open.

           “I saw you on the news and when I saw your face…I just, somehow I knew it was-”

           “I’ve concealed my identity for a long time. I imagine seeing my actual face took away any spell on those who know it. Can we talk?” I peered at Loki in the car and Mary Jane let me in. “You seem oddly all right with this.”

           “I have experience with superheroes.”

           “That explains a lot.”

           “Look, my dad will be out a few days, but I don't think it's safe for you here. You should hear what they’ve said about you.” She locked the door and led me into the main room, rewinding the recorded news channel.

            _“Can you describe what you saw, ma’am?_ ” The interviewer began, behind her were police cars framing the building being evacuated and searched.

           “ _He just started shooting out the windows and everyone was running, my friend tried to take a video but, I saw her. Psyche…she just flew! Took the man down like it was nothing! She saved us. Then she picked up a woman and flew off. She’s an icon._ ” Mary Jane fast forwarded it to another speaker.

             _“…She’s been on Earth hiding! People died in New York and she’s been hiding out illegally!”_  I heard so many voices speaking over mine.

            _“She’s amazing, I want to be like her!”_

_“She’s dangerous, what if she turns on us?”_

_“I know her, she volunteers at our shelter to help lost-”_

_“She’s probably a mutant lover, why hide herself?”_

_“She grew fangs and ripped the man’s throat out.”_

           “Fangs?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Mary Jane turned it off and peered at me.

           “Sorry.” She shrugged. “I have a friend who isn’t liked by the news.”

           “Spider-Man. Yes, I know.” I cleared my throat. “The Daily Bugle rips into him every week… Ah, sorry, I connected the dots when we met and just now. I see and feel things. Psyche, remember?”

           “Have you met him?”

           “Not in person, no. Is...he your age?"

           "Yeah." She nodded.

           "I didn't realize he was so young." I thought of Harry Osborn and connected a few more dots. You don't cry like that for just anyone. "You should tell him to enjoy youth while he can.”

           “I have.” Mary Jane clasped her hands and eyed my cat. “Why did you come here?”

           “I’ve no right to ask a favor but I don’t have anyone else I can trust or go to here at the moment. I’m…going somewhere. Few days, I think. That attack wasn’t random. Can you…watch my cat for me? Her name is Naaki and she’s well behaved and I have all her things. I can pay. Five hundred dollars.” I lifted a wad of rolled up cash and Mary Jane looked a little stunned.

           “I…I guess.” She took my cat after I kissed Naaki’s head and handed her over. “Are you going to be okay?”

           “Honestly, I am not sure. I can’t thank you enough for this. You have my number.”

           “Yeah, no problem. Babysitting. I can do that.” Mary Jane peered down at the cat, contented in her arms.

           “She likes you.” I smiled some. “Thank you. I wasn’t here.”

           “Never heard of you,” she smirked, taking Naaki’s bag and slinging it on her arm.

           “You’re a gem.” I followed her to the door.

           “Got a free lesson from a superhero. Pretty cool.”

           “I owe you more for this.” I swore, leaving when she waved.

           “See you around.” She watched me get into the car and drive away with Loki quickly switching her phone off.

           “Saw the news, did you?” I asked, turning down a road when the GPS clicked on.

           “Your performance yielded mixed reviews. They didn’t identify me. In any form.” She noted, relaxing.

           “It’s what I get for using an axe to break a… What’s that mortal expression again?”

           “Using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.”

           “Yes, that one.” I smirked. “Still not good with those expressions.”

           “I find that endearing.” She fiddled with the radio and turned the air conditioning on.

           “When we get there, we’ll get a hotel. I want you to stay there while I go speak with Steve. I think Shield’s going to be on my tail once I do.”

           “I am not leaving you alone while I sit in a hotel room.” Loki insisted.

           “Steve isn’t an idiot and he isn’t exactly a fan of you at the moment. If Shield even monitors your heat signature, they’ll know it’s you. What else can we do?”

           “I’ll go with you but keep a distance.” Loki paused. “A far distance. Out of your range. I’ll have my phone.”

           “Fine,” I compromised, sighing. “It’ll take us about four hours to get there.”

           “It’ll be dark,” Loki mused. “You should rest before going to the soldier.”

           “I’m not feeling very patient right now.”

** ** **

           “Take the car,” I tossed the keys into Loki’s hands, drying my hair after a shower. “Failsafe?”

           “Still have it.” Loki adjusted the laptop on her thighs.

           “I do as well.”

           “You wouldn’t believe how easy it was to locate the building your captain lives in.” She showed me. “Mortals believe they can honestly hide things.”

           “Follow me if you must but stay behind.” I took her face and kissed her hard for a lingering moment, she returned with similar fervor before I pulled away. “Trust me.”

           “I do.”

           “Stay safe.” I kissed her once more and tied my coat shut, bringing my hood up when I left and took the stairs to sneak out without being seen. I took a bus and subway to get near Steve, walking most of the way. My bag jostled next to my hip when I pulled out a stick of gum and chewed it in hopes to get rid of my nerves. The mint lost its flavor as I peered up at the apartment building, spitting it in the trash. I waited until someone exited to sneak in, face down while I expanded to sense Steve’s potent aura. I climbed the staircase up a few floors. _Breathe even, you can trust him._ Shifting my steps, I approached the apartment and readied to knock when a door across the way opened.

           “Good evening,” a woman spoke and I froze, peering at her from under my hood and shifting into the shadows. “Do you know Steve?”

           “Old friend,” I noticed she was dressed like a nurse, holding laundry under one arm.

           “He doesn’t get visitors. I just wondered.” She tilted her head to try to see my face better but I turned.

           “Have a good night.” I offered cordially.

           “You too,” she lingered but went down the stairs so I knocked and waited for a moment, shuffling sounded before I felt him standing just opposite the door.

           “Can I help you?”

           “I think so,” I kept my gaze on the floor, hesitant at first, but then peered at the glass peephole before letting my hood fall. Steve gasped out my given name and ripped the door open while I stood there. Bright eyes were wide at me so I shrugged. “Steve. Hi.” Something compelled me to rush forward and embrace him tightly. Relief maybe. Familiarity perhaps. He seemed surprised but returned it after I squeezed him, face buried into his chest. “Sorry, I’m just happy to see your face.” I was happy to be with another person I didn’t have to hide from. I was happy he was looking at me with recognition and not with fear or apathy. Steve pressed his door shut when I parted from him. “Can we speak?”

           “I saw you on the news, phone's been ringing of the hook. What happened?” He took my shoulders and I swallowed.

           “Is this a safe place to talk?” I asked, softer, and he furrowed his brow but nodded.

           “Here.” He led me through his small, neat apartment and into the kitchen before gesturing to a chair. I sat at the table and shrugged off my jacket.

           “Your hand,” Steve noticed the burn and reached out for my wrist. I let him touch my skin and inhaled. There was a longing as wide as the sea within his soul. The same longing I was currently drowning within. “The mind stone?” My fingers closed around his wrist and Steve got the idea, mirroring the motion. Blue eyes looked deeper into mine when we linked and I showed him just enough so it would resonate.

           “I left my mark on it…and it returned the favor. The Tesseract is safe as well.” I exhaled and he let me go, changing the subject.

           “If I’d known you were coming, I would have dressed up and made you something.” He joked in the slightest and I felt myself smile in full.

           “That is sweet. Nice pajamas. You look good still.”

           “You haven’t aged a day.” Steve poured me a glass of orange juice and poured another for himself before sitting down, rubbing his forehead. “Tony called me. Said he’d look for you after what happened.”

           “I worried as much. I left town as soon as I was attacked. A man shot up the mall. Didn’t kill anyone.” I clasped my hands after drinking and leaned toward Steve. “I had to talk to you. I…”

           “It wasn’t random, was it? This assailant was after you.”

           “I was so careful, but yes. I must have been sighted. He wanted me to fight back in front of everyone. Ruined my illusions. He forced me back out into the world with purpose and I… Before he popped a cyanide capsule, he stared right at me and whispered, Hail Hydra.” I watched Steve sit back before he got up and rounded the window to peer outside and think for a moment. He shook his head and tried to breathe even.

           “You’re sure that’s what he said?”

           “Asgardians have pretty good hearing.” I shrugged. “The first I heard that was inside your mind,” I pointed to his forehead when he sat down again to listen to me. “The next came in history books after I'd left Asgard.”

           “It couldn’t be them.” Steve shook his head a second time. “Had to be some random terrorist group. Fanatics. I died so that-”

           “I know you did.” I licked my lips and drank again. “I wasn’t safe in New York so I came here.”

           “Have you spoken to anyone else?”

           “No, I came straight to you. It just felt like the right thing. I didn’t want to involve Tony or Shield just yet. How is everyone?” I asked, tilting my head to catch his gaze.

           “Nat, Clint, and I regularly work together still. Tony is…struggling. Spends a lot of time with his suits. He has his friends, Pepper and Rhodes, trying to look after him. He’ll kill himself working those long nights. I’ve tried talking to him, but you know Tony… Bruce is in between labs, not really out in the open…either working with Tony, Reed Richards, or Janet Van Dyne and her husband. The Avengers haven't been out there as much but, we have some contacts now. A whole network. I have stayed pretty close to Shield, kept up with things. World's changed and since The Avengers, it'll only get bigger. Shield tried to make contact with Charles Xavier’s school once those rumors became reality in certain circles but they weren’t interested. They should see the benefit in working with us.”

           “I’ve heard a lot about them. The secret mutant school. It is understandable, Steve… Mutants have the right to not trust humans, their situations are so different.” I spoke and Steve didn’t comment, drinking. “And you…you’re just trying to fit into this world again, are you not?”

           “Looks like you’re doing a better job.”

           “I thought that true until today.”

           “Lot of people talked about you, some not so great.” Steve sighed. “Sorry.”

           “It’s a living.” I sat back and peered outside. “I suppose.”

           “Others who recognized you suddenly…they said you did good things for people.”

           “I tried to do what I could in shadows.” I shrugged. “I volunteered to help manage a shelter with a group to house and help mutants. Met some fantastic people. Mostly, I protected it from outside threats. Soul radar and all. I also taught self-defense classes to anyone looking to learn. I have a network too, you see. But, I couldn’t risk anyone in New York and that man shoved me into the spotlight and said Hydra like he knew the magnitude of it. Like he was proud of it.”

           “We have a lot to talk about then.” Steve swallowed. “I think we should bring this to Nick Fury after.”

           “You might be right,” I paused. “I do trust him.”

           “You don’t trust Shield.” It wasn’t a question.

           “I don’t trust many big corporations or governments at all really.” My eyes lowered to the table. “It’s nothing personal.”

           “It’s always personal.” Steve was genuine with me as I met his stare. He stood up, touching my shoulder when he passed. “You look tired. I have a great couch.”

           “That is kind of you.” I paused and got up. “There’s something else.” I finished my drink and set the glass in the sink. “I have someone with me. They’re in a hotel but, I’m doing everything in my power to not involve them.” Steve peered at me.

           “They can be trusted?”

           “Yes, I swear it.”  _Yikes_. “I’m kind of trying to avoid them for their own safety while I sort this out.”

           “Couch it is then.” Steve nodded for me to follow him. “Bathroom’s right there.” He moved to grab a pillow and blanket from the closet before he made a makeshift bed for me.

           “Thank you, Steve.”

           “I am glad you’re back.”

           “I’m glad I’m not the only one struggling with this odd world. In our own way, I mean. Everyone struggles. Tell Tony and the others in New York that I am safe. I wish them well.” I held my bag closely and Steve nodded, smiling now at me.

           “We’ll talk. First thing tomorrow.”

           “Of course.” I knew my appearance had further disturbed his sleep schedule.

           “I’ll leave you to it, try to sleep.”

           “Thank you,” I uttered when he left me alone. Quickly, I plugged my phone charger into the wall and sent Loki a text.

            _I’m safe. Staying here tonight. Lock our door. I love you._

           The response was instant.

            _Don’t shut me out to keep me safe. I love you._

After using the bathroom, I changed into clothing from my bag and reclined on the couch _._  Nothing would be the same with Loki and I. So, I brought the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes until sleep took me hours later.

** ** **

           The smell of food woke me early the next morning when I sat up, curls messy around my shoulders. Rubbing my eyes, I got up and peered around the corner to see Steve reaching into a cupboard. The stove was steamy behind him

           “Morning. Eggs and bacon?”

           “Yes, please,” I took a seat at the island counter and stretched out.

           “You...have this in Asgard?” He asked and I cocked my head at that

           “Eggs and bacon? Oh, yes. We eat the egg right from the chicken and slaughter our own pigs every morning before we bathe in their blood for ritual sacrifice so the higher gods don’t destroy the world.” I crossed my arms over the table to meet Steve’s gaze before I giggled. “I’m kidding.”

           “...I knew that.” He scoffed and turned to grab the pan.

           "Yes, the ritual sacrifice is more optional."

           "Freedom to choose is important." Steve Rogers truly humored me.

           “The palace dining area has such a wonderful view of the courtyards.” I smiled fondly when he set coffee in front of me, along with cream and sugar. Steve watched me so I went on after thanking him. “The sunlight always made the fountains sparkle along Queen Frigga’s garden.”

           “Thor’s mother?”

           “Thor and Loki’s mother, yes.” I paused, fingers skimming along the warm mug.

           “Thor said…Loki helped save everyone. Sacrificed himself.”

           “He did. Asgard will be forever grateful.” I thanked Steve again when he put a plate in front of me and sat across the way. “Did you know Shield sighted me?”

           “Tony sighted you. One of ours, Peter…ah, Spider-Man…he didn’t know it at the time. Guess, your magic was good. He took a picture of you. Tony, however, recognized it. Thor was there when it happened. Said to leave you be. We all agreed.”

           “That boy…was Spider-Man?” My lips opened in awe. “What a complex web. Forgive the pun.”

           “Unacceptable.” Steve quirked up his brow in jest and I smirked, lowering my eyes. “They lost sight of you after. Guess, they weren't the only ones onto you.”

           “I traveled a lot. Had a false identity made.” I shrugged. “I have more to tell you, we should go out to talk.”

           “Eat first.”

           “You didn’t sleep well. Restless soul.” I noted and poked at my food.

           “Bed is too soft.”

           “Hard to get up into a world when not everyone shares your life experiences.” I watched Steve nod his head. “Does fighting alongside Shield help you through this all?” Steve was honest. His noted virtue.

           “I thought it would.”

** ** **

            _Still safe. Don’t look for me._  I wrote to Loki after leaving the house with Steve.

            _Found you._  Came the response and I huffed at my phone audibly.  _Far behind._

_Keep your distance, sweetheart._

           “Internet is great,” Steve spoke. “Helpful.”

           “It is,” I agreed. “I enjoyed many movies in my time. The theaters in New York are wonderful. The music is different but enjoyable. Complex.” We walked along near the museums and Steve pulled a cap onto his head. I put a floppy hat on to keep out the sun and slid sunglasses on to hide myself a bit better without magic.

           “I have a list,” Steve pulled a tiny notebook out and I leaned toward him, looping my arm into his while I grinned.

           “Star Wars, I know that one. The Trek one is outstanding too.” I pointed, skimming the list. “I read about this Berlin wall. Hm… Thai food. They have some good places where I live, you’ll have to try it.”

           “Read a lot?”

           “Oh, yes. I do need to fit in with Midgardians. History is the most helpful. Actually, I read about you a few times.”

           “This way,” Steve was leading me toward the Smithsonian.

           “I’ve never been to these museums.” I admitted.

           “I come here to think.”

           “Hard not to live in the past,” I peered up at him when he pocketed his notebook, releasing his bicep. “There’s much I haven’t told you.” Steve paused to look down at me when I stopped, my arms crossed. “Our team fought together despite different lives and opinions. Did it make us real friends? Would you find it in yourself to really trust me? Would I offer the same?”

           “We came together because it was right.” Steve offered. “We had a lot of differences. A lot of different goals. But, we set them aside. And you know what? We had the most important things in common. We wanted to save everyone. We wanted to fight for the world because we believed it was good and worth it to. So we did. Maybe we had to force some trust but things are different now. The Avengers are not over. I didn’t trust you and Thor upon meeting you both. You probably didn't fully trust us either. I thought you both brought more trouble to Earth than anything. Since the Tesseract...I wasn't too keen to put faith in anything outside Earth. But, you fought. So did he. And you didn’t stop. You came to me yesterday because you trusted me and I know you don’t exactly trust humans. Even now. But, what you truly believe in...that's most important and I think we have that in common. Whatever lack of trust I had, you filled it.” Steve nodded to affirm his words. “All right?"

           “Yes.” I cleared my throat and followed after him. “The man who attacked me was sent alone, I believe, to make the world see me again. Why? Why not later or sooner? Why this exact moment in time?”

           “Humans aren’t exactly trusting of outsiders. Could be trying to create a rift. If they're Hydra fanatics...I don't know what I think yet.”

           “Hydra, like most military organizations, experiments. They want the strongest weapons. The greatest power over the rest of the realm. And...I’m valuable, Steve.” I paused, looking up at him as we walked into one of the museums. I pulled my sunglasses off but kept my hat on. “I have a contact in Oscorp. They stole back files that were taken from Shield. My files. I didn't fully understand the imprint I left on this world until just yesterday.”

           “Nick mentioned it to me. Last year. Took Thor and Loki’s files too.” He exhaled. “It was Oscorp?”

           “Have you encountered the Green Goblin? I’ve discovered him as Norman Osborn.”

           “Shouldn’t be surprised. Haven’t been too involved myself. We found out only after his death. It was all covered up, his own son doesn't know. But, Peter Parker…ah, poor kid…” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “Osborn was after Spider-Man for a long time before we even contacted the kid. The Green Goblin found out who he was a long while back. There was a horrid battle. Goblin murdered a young and very bright girl. Parker's girlfriend at the time. Gwen Stacy. Her father was Chief of Police and killed a year prior in another Spider-Man related incident. Shield and the Avengers both pursued Spider-Man after. Peter blamed himself for it all and he still does. He won’t formally join us yet until it's better but he keeps contact and hangs around Avengers Tower. Tony worked for months with Peter in hopes to keep him in a safer situation. Kid tried to help young superheroes like him. Extremely smart. Might give Tony a run.”

           “That’s awful.” I breathed. “To lose someone like that and have the world upon you so young. I hope he finds comfort with the Avengers. It's interesting, I believe I’ve met a few of his friends. I suppose after Gwen was killed...the Goblin stole Asgardian files with the hopes to cure himself of a rare, genetic illness. But, he wasn’t able to and they say Spider-Man later killed him. I don’t fully believe that.”

           “Kid wouldn’t go that far. Peter said it was an accident with the glider and I believe him,” Steve agreed. “He’s been laying low for a while.” He peered at me while we went up a ramp. “Osborn thought you could cure him?”

           “I am a thing of intrigue. There are places who would see me cut open and studied.” I paused, gesturing to a display of a tyrannosaurus rex, fingers tracing the plaque with information in it. “They would display me just like this for all to see. Mortals would trail their eyes and fingertips between my exposed bones. Reach out toward the thick crystalline heart the mind stone left in its wake. Just a little wonder of this world.”

           “It won’t happen.” Steve touched my arm.

           “Your blood was valuable once, was it not? The serum. It took to you and you to it like a duck to water. My powers are mine alone but there are people who would use my code for their own selfish pursuits. It’s dangerous.” We strolled along exhibits and I lifted my hand up to the many butterflies, pegged down under glass. The moment was familiar to me. “Do you know why their wings are pinned just so?”

           “So people can look and learn about them,” Steve offered behind me and I nodded.

           “And they can never fly away from the person admiring them. They’d sample my blood and my spinal fluid then set my still warm organs into jars like the Pharaohs of old.” I smiled suddenly, eyes distant. “Forgive me, I’m rather grim. Surprised they didn’t say that in my psychological profile. It was truly unkind…I didn’t like it.”

           “Bruce mentioned something like that about you once.” Steve shrugged. “Not like he was judging. Sorry, you had to read that stuff. Shield is...well, I don't agree with everything they've done. Was that attack the only person tailing you?”

           “As far as I know. I've been paranoid...well, more so than usual.” I followed Steve outside again. “Has anyone been following you?”

           “Feels like everyone and no one is.” Steve led me into another building.

           “Something big troubles you,” I observed. “Something with Shield.”

           “Nick Fury showed me their next major project in Shield’s main HQ, the Triskelion.” Steve put his hands in his pockets. “Project Insight.”

           “What is it?”

           “Three new Helicarriers…all synced to a network of targeting satellites. Launched from the Lemurian Star. Once they go up, they stay up. Orbiting the world.” He explained, shaking his head and peering at the floor. “They’re covered in guns,” Steve spoke my name when he looked at me again. “Lots of guns. They’re meant to read and neutralize threats before they can even lift a finger to the trigger. Through DNA and such. It’s a big threat analysis system.”

           “So it…what?” I felt disgust and Steve slowed while he watched me. “It purges anyone that doesn’t  _function_  up to code?”

           “Believe me, I voiced my opinion on it.” He touched my arm to calm me down. “They think they can hold a gun to everyone’s head and expect a thank you. That’s fear. That’s what I fought against and what I know you fought against.”

           “No…I…” When I stopped, Steve pulled me aside, away from crowds into an emptier corridor. “Things grew complicated in Asgard. I did bad things, Steve. Things I’m not sure I paid for yet.” I touched my stomach and Steve held my shoulder tighter to focus me.

           “Hey, it’s all right.”

           “It isn’t.” I clutched my jacket, fingers twisting. “Asgard was at war and the stone made me so powerful. I let our higher powers use me to inspire fear in our enemies. I did what they told me to do and I stopped fighting it. The greatest weapon known to Asgard. The stone was killing me slowly. They didn’t care. So, I didn’t.”

           “Well, you’re alive and…the stone?” Steve exhaled.

           “It’s gone in body. Not in soul. I feel it sometimes.” I peered away and looked back. “Project Insight cannot be.”

           “I won’t let the country I fought and died for used fear in place of freedom. My men and I did things that weren’t clean too… New York set a lot of things in motion. Lot of scars on the city.”

           “I know a thing or two about those.” I smiled, nudging his arm.

           “We have to keep our heads on the goal.”

           “What is the goal?”

           “I have no idea anymore.” Steve dropped his shoulders and gestured for me to follow him off again.

           “Good.” I breathed, calming down. “Neither do I.” I looked up at banners with Steve’s face on them. “Ah.”

           “You should meet my friends.” Steve chuckled at me so I put my arm in his again.

           “I’d be honored, Captain Rogers.” I winked, eyeing the front of his exhibit as a voiceover spoke around us.

            _“A symbol to the nation. A hero to the world. The story of Captain America is one of honor, bravery and sacrifice…”_

I shifted with Steve toward old photos and details of him. Much shorter and skinnier.

           “Handsome, lad.” I smiled up at him again. “Still handsome all these years later.”

_“Denied enlistment due to poor health, Steven Rogers was chosen for a program unique in the annals of American warfare. One that would transform him into the world’s first super soldier…”_

           Around us, families enjoyed the many sections while sporting Captain America merchandise. Steve was rather sobered as he walked about and had his life told to him. A little boy caught sight of us and stared in wonder before Steve smiled slightly and put a finger to his lips. Eyes big, the boy nodded and we continued on. I saw footage of Steve in his old uniform rushing down from a vessel and sighed.

            _“Battle tested, Captain America and his Howling Commandos quickly earned their stripes. Their mission, taking down HYDRA, the Nazi rogue science division.”_

           At the head was a massive display of Steve and his old friends, all long gone from this world. Their portraits were painted on a grand mural behind their uniforms. I hugged Steve’s arm a bit tighter and pulled him to a lone section of a man on his team.

           “I’ve seen his face in your head. Frequently. He’s quite the looker.”

           “Bucky…” Steve was somber and fond. “Everyone thought so.”

_“Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country…”_

           “I couldn’t reach him.” Steve uttered softly.

           “Your friends must appreciate your visits, but it is my belief that they do not wish for you to live here.” I offered carefully and Steve nodded. Another interview showed a striking woman speaking wistfully. “This woman. Peggy Carter. I know her face from your head too.”

            _“…That was a difficult winter. A blizzard had trapped half our battalion behind the German line. Steve…Captain Rogers, he fought his way through a Hydra blockade that had pinned our allies down for months. He saved over a thousand men, including the man who would…who would become my husband as it turned out. Even after he died, Steve was still changing my life…”_

           “She helped found Shield. Peggy is part of the reason I stayed with them.” Steve admitted. “I thought I could go on. Serving. Taking orders.”

           “You still march to the beat of your own drum, Steve.” I quirked up my eyebrows at him. “It must be difficult when voices of past, present, and future tug and twist into your heart strings. I hope it isn’t too unsettling that I’ve been in your head.”

           “It’s shockingly comforting.”

           “That’s…new to me. I suppose I’m glad.” I snickered to myself, shifting my hand up to tug idly at my hair. “Can I buy you lunch for being so courteous to me?”

           “You can buy me lunch as a friend?” Steve was sincere and I nodded.

           “That certainly sounds better.”

** ** **

           “You’ve been here for that long and never been on a motorcycle,” Steve chuckled at me.

           “I’ve been on the Asgardian equivalent of a motorcycle.” I crossed my arms.

           “A horse?”

           “Excuse you. We have a  _wide_  array of transportation, thank you very much.” I made a grim face. “These things are just so…aggressive.”

           “It won’t be bad. I promise. Come on. I made a new friend the other day.” Steve held out his arm and I shifted forward to set my leg around the vehicle. Wrapping my arms around Steve, I felt the engine rev up and clutch to him when we took off. I pulled my hat off last minute and held it while Steve laughed to himself. “See?”

           “Mortals haven’t figured out how to silence all their vehicles yet?” I called out.

           “We have a lack of magic here.”

           “It’s basic science. We brush over it in our schooling. Ah!” I held Steve tighter when he came up on the back wheel briefly to scare me. “Steven!”

           “You can fly, remember?”

           “I don’t run the risk of exploding when I fly.” I paused when we came to a stoplight. “As far as I know.”

           “You said your powers aren’t anything Asgardians have…or have even seen. Is there a science to it that only you understand?”

           “The science has yet to be fully revealed. There isn’t a specific magic behind it either. Asgardians who practice sorcery all have their own capacity. Like a cup they constantly drink from. Some cups are fuller than others. When emptied, they must rest or slow to replenish their strength. I can no longer drink from mine beyond a sip. It pours constantly into my powers like a battery to fuel them. Cut that off and I can’t use them but…I’ve found that they always discover a way to push through. Simple tricks are difficult for me and I have worked harder on that. But, my powers are greater because of it. The mind stone once acted like an electric shock to my veins, while it sucked the life from me to survive when I hosted it…it also made me stronger. But, as I used it, my time grew shorter. My abilities aren’t something that can be transferred or taken. What I do understand, is that my genetic code was rewritten specifically for them. Like I was reborn into a new species of Asgardian.”

           “Mutated.” Steve observed and I thought for a moment.

           “That’s an interesting take.”

           “And this was from an elf?”

           “Yes. Elves and other types of Asgardians are a plenty but they don’t often frequent the palace province unless on business. Culture preservation and whatnot.”

           “Hell of a gift if you call it that.” Steve turned his head briefly as we continued on.

           “I think I’m deciding still. He gave it to me to preserve what was left of his society and I’m still discovering new things about it as time goes on. There’s a lot to be uncovered even now. I wonder sometimes if it acts as a punishment for the fall of his people. He told me I was the only one able to handle it. The right person to guard and wield it. I’m not sure if I’m doing a good job anymore. I think I loved him and hated him all at once. It was an obsession. It’s, ah, complicated.”

           “That I couldn’t tell.” Steve mused and I chuckled.

           “The serum was every bit meant for you like my abilities were meant for me, no?”

           “The serum peeled the face off the first man to use it. Hydra’s founder.”

           “If Hydra fanatics were rising, do you think they’d be after us both?”

           “I think they’d be after a lot of people we know at this rate. People more powerful than me walking around now.” Steve turned a corner and I hugged him tight again.

           “Who wrote my file?” I asked suddenly. “That profile.”

           “Not one person specifically. Bunch of Shield’s people created our files after meeting us. I, uh, never read yours in full. Fury only talked about it after it was taken.” Steve hesitated. “It’s been bothering you.”

           “It mentioned a few things I didn’t like. It's grating on me.”

           “Didn’t agree with them?”

           “I…I’m not sure.” I felt Loki’s ring and key press cold against my chest, both hidden under my shirt. Steve touched my arm briefly and we shared some silence as the wind shifted into my hair. We came to a stop outside a square building and Steve shoved his hands into his pockets when we got off.

           “Met a guy who run meetings here for veterans with PTSD. Said I’d stop by.” Steve pressed his lips and I nodded, setting my hat back on over my hair. I followed him inside quietly and eyed pamphlets on the walls as we passed civilians and came upon a room with people seated in front of a podium. Steve hung back against the doorframe and I stayed behind him somewhat to listen in.

           “The thing is, I think it’s getting worse.” A woman was speaking, shaken. “A cop pulled me over last week, he thought I was drunk. I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED.” I swallowed and pulled my jacket closer, every soul in this room was pained and my spine grew tight, the sensation branched all the way along my ribs so I pulled my influence back. A dark man leaned over the podium and spoke, concluding the meeting. Briefly, he peered up and noticed Steve.

           “Some stuff you leave there, other stuff you bring back. It’s our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it going to be in a big suitcase or in a little man-purse? It’s up to you…” Steve and I waited so the man said goodbyes while people exited before he approached us and noticed I was there too.

           “Look who it is. The running man.” He joked before I slid further behind Steve. “Brought a friend. Don’t be shy. Sam Wilson.” He held out his hand and I touched Steve’s bicep before he peered at me and nodded so I came out just a little. Sam’s lips parted when I reached out and told him my name. “You…were on the news. Heavy stuff.”

           “I can’t get enough of the camera.” I waited for him to shake my hand and I inhaled sharply. He’d lost friends as well. I knew, through the heaviness, that his heart was gold.

           “Yeah, I, uh, saw you on the news that day in New York too. Stared at the lens like you had no idea what it was or what was going on.”

           “That’s an accurate assessment, Sam Wilson. He reads people too,” I joked into Steve’s ear and he laughed at that.

           “She’s laying low with me for awhile.” Steve nodded. “We caught the end of it there. Pretty intense.”

           “Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems.” Sam began to pick papers up from a table, voice lowering. “Guilt, regret.”

           “You lose someone?” Steve wondered aloud.

           “My wingman, Riley. Fly in the night mission. A standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn’t done a thousand times before, till RPG knocked Riley’s dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It’s like I was up there just to watch.”

           “I am sorry.” I offered then.

           “After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?” Sam shrugged, setting his things away in a bag.

           “But you’re happy now, back in the world?” Steve tilted his head.

           “Partly,” I answered for Sam before I pressed my lips. “Sorry. Habit.”

           “Not a problem…I think?” Sam lifted his brow. “She’s right. The number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell yeah. You thinking about getting out?”

            _Partly_ , I thought.

           “No.” Steve considered it. “I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t know what I would do with myself if I did.”

           “Ultimate fighting?” Sam got us both to laugh. “It’s just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?”

            _The past._

           “I don’t know.” Steve decided finally.

           “Got time to figure it out,” Sam shrugged, gesturing to me. “Maybe keep this one off the air.”

           “Agreed.” I smiled.

           “I have to get going. Thanks for coming out. Think you both could benefit another visit.” Sam shook Steve’s hand firmly and then mine.

           “Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m glad Steve is keeping up with good friends.” I paused, settling my other hand atop his. “You have a lovely soul. Glittering gold.  _Choice_.” He furrowed his brow and chuckled when Steve touched my back as I shook his hand still.

           “Haven’t heard that before, but thanks.” Sam peered at Steve when I grinned and let him go.

           “Sorry, again. Habits.”

           “I get it.” Sam smiled brighter at us and moved to go.

           “See you around,” Steve waved once and we turned the opposite way. “A lovely soul?”

           “He does. It’s nice not having to hide my abilities among friends.” I shrugged, chuckling when he smiled. “Yours isn’t half-bad. I’ve touched a lot of bad souls, makes me appreciate the good ones. I don’t have to but, I do all the same.”

           “Hey," Steve was sobered. "I know you don’t trust Shield, but I think it’s time we speak to Fury. I’ll call him first thing tomorrow. It’ll be messier if they get wind of you being here first.”

           “You might be right.” I hesitated, eyes lifting to his. "When they bring me in, will you stay with me?" Steve lifted his arm and I looped mine into it.

           "I won't make you do this alone." He promised. My friend. I smiled at him in response.

           "Thank you, Steve."

** ** ** ** *** **

           “I need to make a quick phone call.” I moved onto a thin, creaking balcony.

           “I’ll wait for you upstairs,” Steve nodded and I shut the glass door. Loki answered during the first ring.

           “I’m staying. We’re going to visit a friend tomorrow.” I didn’t want to give anything away. Anyone could have been listening in.

           “I’ll follow far behind tomorrow.” Loki gave a long sigh. “I miss you. I don’t like this.”

           “I don’t either. I should get off the phone, he is waiting for me.” I paused. “Love you.”

           “I love you too…” Loki hung up and I leaned over the railing to press the phone to my head, huffing. In a hurry, I shifted to go up the stairs and stopped before I rounded a corner.

           “Hey, if you want…you’re welcome to use my machine. Might be cheaper than the one in the basement.” Steve’s voice began awkwardly and I smiled to myself.

           “Oh, yeah? What’s it cost?” I recognized the nurse’s voice from yesterday.

           “A cup of coffee?” Steve’s reply made me cover my lips.  _How sweet._

           “Thank you, but um…I already have a load in downstairs, and, uh…you really don’t want my scrubs in your machine. I’m just finished orientation in the infectious diseases ward, so…”

           “Ah, well, I’ll keep my distance.”  _No, Steve!_

           “Well hopefully not too far.” I could hear her smile and nodded to myself. _Yes, Steve._  When I noticed the footsteps, I flew up and wedged myself against the ceiling. That was when I heard it. “Oh, and I think you left your stereo on.” Old music of this world was coming from Steve’s door, the soft tune barely carried out here.

           “Oh. Right. Thank you…” Steve replied and she passed under me, not noticing that I was there. Once she had gone, I shifted around the corner and Steve looked up when I grinned.

           “She likes you, captain.” I winked and flew down. “Silly of you to leave the stereo on. I know you enjoy the music but you really shouldn’t let it run.” I lifted my brows and Steve nodded at me, taking my arm to lead me toward a window and fire escape. He got out so I followed him before gesturing for his hand. Hesitating, he took it and jolted when I lifted us both up into the air and carried him around the building to his window. Winking again, I let him climb in to his apartment first and we crept through the kitchen area as the music echoed. Steve grabbed his shield and signaled for me to press against the wall next to him when he peeked around the corner and relaxed. This caused me to look around him and he instantly stopped me from going toward Nick Fury, heavily injured in a chair.

           “I don’t remember giving you a key.” Steve offered and Fury groaned aloud when he sat up.

           “You really think I’d need one? My wife kicked me out.”

           “Didn’t know you were married.” Steve’s eyes slipped from Nick to me and I nodded.

           “She did a number on you, Nick,” I stepped forward, continuing the play. “Can I get you anything?”

           “I didn’t know you were in town? You two dating?” He eyed me, pressing his hand to a wound.

           “Oh,  _yes_. It just happened. As these things do. I needed time away with a close friend.” I cocked my head, blinking and Nick nodded, typing on his phone.

           “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He peered back at Steve.

           “I know, Nick. That’s the problem.” Steve switched on the light and gaped at the wounds finally but Nick held up his hand before either of us could move to help him. He turned the light back off from his seat and sat up more to show us what he’d written.

            _Eyes everywhere now._

           “I’m sorry to have to do this, but I had no place else to crash…” He was writing again, holding it toward us.

            _Shield compromised._

           “Who else knows about your wife?” Steve set his jaw in place.

            _Just us._

           “Just…my friends.” Nick looked from Steve to me and I offered him a solemn nod. “You always have impeccable timing.”

           “I’m realizing that…perhaps, I always go where I’m needed most.” _Was that not what Gods did?_ I swallowed, eyes big while I typed on my phone and held it to him. “Steve has a great couch you can use.”

            _Our attacks are connected_ , I’d written. He appeared to agree, sighing.

           “ _Friends_. Is that what we are?” Steve asked then as Nick stood weakly in the dim light.

           “That’s up to you,” he replied before three shots ripped through his torso from the wall behind him. Instantly, I let him fall into me and dragged him aside when Steve hauled me backwards around a corner. Dust settled as I laid Nick against the ground and looked up at Steve.

           “I can’t heal something like this,” I hissed softly, face etched with horror. My hands glowed and I tried to fix the minor wounds. I grabbed a rag and pressed it to the blood while Steve looked around and Nick took his wrist to offer him a flash drive.

           “Don’t…” Nick coughed, “…trust anyone.” The door was kicked down and a voice echoed.

           “Captain Rogers?” Steve and I shared a look when we recognized it. The woman from earlier held up a gun and rounded the corner toward us. “Captain, I’m Agent 13 of Shield’s Special Service.”

           “Kate?” He breathed.

           “Sharon Carter. I’m assigned to protect you. Peggy Carter is my Aunt.” She came toward us peered around.

           “You’re Peggy’s  _niece_? On whose order are you assigned?” Steve stopped her from getting closer. Nick closed his eye and went still so I healed what I could.

           “His,” she gestured to Fury and pulled out a radio, “Oxtrot is down, he’s unresponsive. I need EMTs.” Sharon kneeled and checked his pulse as I expanded. I knew this soul from somewhere.

           “Do you have a twenty on the shooter?” The radio responded.

           “Steve, they're running!” I gasped out, eyes glowing when I skimmed over the soul in full and pointed toward the window.

           “Tell them I’m in pursuit,” Steve jumped out the window with his shield and disappeared while I pulled Nick into my lap.

           “I can watch him,” I nodded to the agent and she glanced at my face, recognizing me before rushing out. Nick opened his eye and tugged at my arm.

           “Need a favor,” he wheezed, breathing softly as I pressed my hand to his worst wound. Magic glowed and I strained to close it up.

           “Anything.” His voice dropped under the music.

           “I need you to help me die.” The words caused my mouth to drop before I smirked lightly, chest heaving.

           “I have a contact with experience if you can keep a secret.” I pulled out my phone.

           “Honey, I’ll keep a thousand secrets for you if you pull this off.” He swallowed, trying to breathe evenly and Loki picked up in an instant.

           “I need you.”

           “Outside. What the hell is happening?” She scoffed and I laid Nick down to rush to the window, flying down as the car raced up.

           “Took you long enough,” I joked, crossing my arms. “We have a problem but, I need your… _expertise_.”

           “But, of course,” she rolled her eyes. “What do you need, sweetheart?”

           “We’re going to kill Nick Fury and then bring him back.”

           “And I thought you had something  _difficult_  for me.”

** ** **

           Steve and I waited for hours in the hospital until morning broke. I sat against the wall in the dark while he stood near the window to watch the surgery. Loki disappeared again before she was seen and I’d lied partially to Nick, saying that she was gifted with abilities. It didn’t matter if he believed me. Maria Hill was on the phone in the opposite corner, clicking it off to go see her boss with a somber expression. I could smell the blood still from my seat and gave nothing away. Natasha came rushing in and didn’t see me when she went to the window next to Steve, clearly shaken up.

           “Is he going to make it?” She leaned toward the glass when Maria stepped closer.

           “I don’t know.” Steve shook his head.

           “Tell me about the shooter.” She requested and I stood quietly.

           “He’s fast and strong. He had a metal arm…” Steve offered merely, not knowing what else to say so I spoke.

           “I’ve never felt a mortal soul like his.” I exhaled and Natasha spun on her heel. “The colors. He felt…washed out.”

           “When did you get here?”

           “Yesterday. After what happened in New York. We should talk.” I shoved my hands in my pockets.

           “Clint was sent by Shield to find you. Met up with Tony. I told him he wouldn’t.”

           “Kind of him. I hope you bet money.” I tried to be light but I frowned when I approached the glass. “I’m sorry. I don’t have healing stones on me and my natural healing abilities are stunted. I did what I could.”

           “It’s not your fault,” Natasha crossed her arms, trying to be strong.

           “Ballistics?” Natasha peered at Maria around me.

           “Three slugs. No rifling and completely untraceable.” She stared at Nick while the doctors worked quickly.

           “Soviet made?” Natasha asked then.

           “Yes.” Maria watched as the beeping begin and I lingered backwards, hands clasping a small bottle in my pocket. I turned when the doctors began to lose him and my friends pressed close to the glass. Pretending, I couldn’t bear to watch, I subtly sent Loki a text. The flat line sounded loud behind me.

            _The moon was bright last night._

           My code yielded a simple response.

            _;-)_

           Shoving my phone away, I peered back to see them covering the body.

           “Don’t do this to me, Nick.” Natasha uttered so I touched her shoulder. Other agents came in to look and I felt them eyeing me as they passed.

           “I’m sorry,” I murmured, drawing close to Steve’s side. He pulled the silver flash drive out of his pocket and locked gazes with me. Nodding, I watched him set it away before I followed him out into the hall. Another hour passed as they worked and moved the body until Natasha, Steve, and I were let in to see it one final time. My heart clenched when Natasha approached it alone while we hung back. Maria came a few minutes later, sniffling before she spoke with red rimmed eyes.

           “We need to take him.” She cleared her throat and Steve hesitated.

           “Natasha.” He approached her and she ignored him, touching Nick’s head in a gentle motion before turning to rush out. I hoped she’d forgive me later if she found out.

           “Go,” I encouraged and Steve followed her so I shut the door and Maria turned to me.

           “He told me that I could trust you,” I whispered, holding a bottle to her. Awed, she stared at me and I nodded. “And I do trust you. I don’t have time. When you’re certain that you and him are alone, pour this into this throat. The rest will follow.” I took her hand and pressed it into her palm. She studied my face and pulled away, clutching the bottle before cocking her head.

           “Leave.”

           “Certainly.” My lip quirked when I spun on my heel and left to find Steve.

           “Why was Fury in your apartment?” Natasha asked Steve when I rounded the corner.

           “I don’t know,” he lied, shrugging.

           “And why did you come here when Avengers Tower was a few miles away?”

           “It had a lack of Avengers at the time. We’re scattered.” I swallowed. “What could Tony have done for me when his life is as hectic as it is now? I couldn't force him into this mess. Got spooked. I hid.”

           “What’s Steve doing for you that’s any better?” She peered at him. “You knew you couldn’t hide and you still came all the way here…to Steve. Both of you itching to get back out there. Huh.”

           “Captain,” another agent interrupted us. “They want you back at Shield.” He looked at me and introduced himself. His soul was vibrating steel. “Agent Brock Rumlow. They want you too.” Steve stepped in front of me this time.

           “Give us a second.”

           “They want you both  _now_.” He insisted and Steve exhaled.

           “Okay.” We waited until he left before Natasha looked at Steve’s face.

           “You’re a terrible liar.” She peered at me. “Good to have you back. Took you long enough.”

           “I suppose.” I watched her go and Steve touched my back to lead me out.

           “Follow him, I’ll catch up.” He pushed at me and I went silently, Agent Rumlow cast his eyes up and down my body and turned when I caught him staring at my face. Discomfort etched my bones but did not reach my expression.

           “Do you work with Steve a lot?” I swallowed, glancing ahead.

           “Yeah,” he gave a short exhale like a suppressed snort. “More than you at least.”

           “I see.” The sun had risen and I hadn’t slept one bit, merely cleaning up in the hospital bathroom earlier. Steve joined and I left with the team to the Triskelion. We crossed a long bridge and I stared out the window up at Shield’s headquarters. My heart was beating faster as I followed at Steve’s side and he shot me a look when we went up the elevator. We couldn’t afford to speak about anything with the many eyes following us everywhere. I thought for a just a moment that I’d left that back in Asgard. For the few seconds that Steve and I were alone, I sent Loki another quick text.

            _Meet for lunch? GPS something good._

           The response calmed my nerves.

            _Got it. <3 <3_

“For whatever it’s worth, you did your best.” An older man was speaking to the agent from last night and she clasped her hands.

           “Thank you, sir.” Sharon turned and spotted Steve. “Captain Rogers.”

           “ _Neighbor_ ,” he shot back when we passed her so the man beckoned for us.

           “Ah, Captain. I’m Alexander Pierce.” He shook Steve’s hand but didn’t try to reach for me when he met my eyes. “The famed Psyche. My niece talked about you all the time. We’ve tried to reach out since the attack but instead you came to us. I’m a senior Shield officer and member of the World Security Council.”

           “Nice to meet you.” I offered with no tone. The way he eyed me was familiar somehow and my hands trembled in my pockets. His soul was a snake in fresh grass.

           “It’s an honor, sir.” Steve stood straight with his shield on his back.

           “The honor is mine, Captain. My father served in the 101st. Come on in, both of you.” He allowed us to follow him into his office and removed his jacket before picking up a photograph to hand it to Steve. One of him with a younger Nick Fury. “That photo was taken five years after Nick and I met. When I was at State Department in Bogota. ELN rebels took the embassy, and security got me out, but the rebels took hostages. Nick was deputy chief for the Shield station there. And he comes to me with a plan. He wants to storm the building through the sewers. I said, ‘No, we’ll negotiate.’ Turned out the ELN didn’t negotiate, so they put out a kill order. They stormed the basement, and what did they find? They find it empty. Nick had ignored my direct order and carried out an unauthorized military operation on foreign soil. He saved the lives of a dozen political officers, including my daughter.”

           “So you gave him a promotion.” Steve set it on a shelf and looked up.

           “I’ve never had any cause to regret it.” He sat on a couch and gestured for us to sit across from him. “Captain, why was Nick in your apartment last night?”

           “I don’t know.” Steve spoke with ease.

           “Why are you hiding this Asgardian there after she made a violent, public display of herself on every news station?” He pointed to me and I played up a pout, hand covering Steve's. He looked down at it when I let him feel my tension, placing his other palm over my knuckles after.

           “It wasn’t Steve’s fault. I got scared.” I swallowed and lowered my gaze, hand slipping from Steve's own. “I didn’t know who else to go to and I begged Steve to let me stay. He is my close friend, he couldn’t refuse.”

           “I want you both to see something.” Pierce turned and pressed a button to bring up a video. A broad man was being interrogated and Steve recognized him.

           “Is that live?”

           “Who is he?” I asked quietly.

           “Batroc. A pirate from a mission I was on. Attacked the Lemurian Star and my team saved the hostages. He can’t be a suspect because he isn’t an assassin.” Steve replied, looking to Pierce.

           “No, it’s more complicated than that. Batroc was hired anonymously to attack the Lemurian Star and he was contacted by e-mail and paid by wire transfer. And then the money was run through seventeen fictitious accounts, the last one going to a holding company that was registered to a Jacob Veech.” Pierce picked up a file and handed it over.

           “Am I supposed to know who that is?” Steve looked it over.

           “Not likely. Veech died six years ago. His last address was 14-35 Elmhurst Drive. When I first met Nick his mother lived at 14-37.”

           “Fury hired the pirates to attack your vessel? Why?” I voiced, crossing my legs.

           “Well, the prevailing theory was that the hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. The sale went sour and that led to Nick’s death.” Pierce’s words caused me to shake my head but Steve was quick.

           “If you really knew Nick Fury, you know that’s not true.”

           “Why do you think we’re talking?” Pierce stood to go to the window and Steve followed. I got up after a moment and stayed there, the sky was bright behind them. “See, I took a seat on the Council not because I wanted to but because Nick asked me to, because we were both realists. We knew that despite all the diplomacy and the handshaking and the rhetoric, that to build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down. And that makes enemies. Those people that call you dirty because you got the guts to stick your hands in the mud and try to build something better. And the idea that those people could be happy today, makes me really, really angry.” Pierce changed is tone and I stood straighter, eyes flicking to Steve and back. “Captain, you and this magical outsider were the last ones to see Nick alive. I don’t think that’s an accident, and I don’t think you do either." Since I'd been at Shield, they refused to use my name. They reminded me I did not belong. "So I’m going to ask again, why was he there?”

           “He told me not to trust anyone,” Steve admitted after a beat.

           “I wonder if that included him.” Pierce looked to me. “That man who attacked you on the mall-”

           “He was a terrorist. I realize this society has trouble branding white men as terrorists, but I do not. He shot up a mall full of innocent civilians. So I stopped him. If the news wants to brand me an outsider and a coward…fine. Their babies made it home safe that night only because I willed it. The outsider.” My chest sunk and he stared at me.

           “Captain, did Fury-”

           “Those were his last words. I’m sorry,” Steve was turning to go, beckoning for me. “Excuse us.”

           “Captain.” Pierce sat against his desk. “Somebody murdered my friend and I will find out why. Anyone gets in my way, they’re going to regret it. Anyone.”

           “Understood.” Steve took my wrist and I followed him out until we got to the elevator. “Operations control.” He commanded and it moved while my chest heaved for air.

           “You can’t start constructing a new world while the old one thrives. Whatever it was he was speaking about in there...it was not right. I felt it. I can’t breathe.”

           “Take it easy.” We couldn’t speak further so he rubbed my back briefly and I nodded, pulling my phone out.

            _Bring the car around, darling._  I wrote.

            _Coming_.

           The doors opened and Rumlow entered with two agents.

           “Forensics.” He spoke so the elevator moved down again. “Cap.”

           “Rumlow.”

           “Evidence response found some fibers on the roof they want us to see. You want me to get the tac-team ready?”

           “No,” Steve shook his head. “Let’s wait and see what they find first.”

           “Right.” Rumlow peered at me and the elevator stopped again. Eyes lingered on my breasts until I caught him. "Shorter in person." 

           "A kinder word." I flicked my gaze from him. He meant curvier. Thicker. Fat. Mortals treated the word like it was dirty. More men got in and filled it while Steve and I lingered in back. I turned to stare out the glass surrounding us to see the view before I laced my hand into Steve’s to feel him.  _Suspicious_. I exhaled and let him go when we shared a brief look.

           “Um…sorry about what happened with Fury.” Rumlow offered. “Pretty messed up what happened to him.” I didn’t look at him when I spoke.

           “Murder is pretty  _messed up_ ,” I crossed my arms and felt his gaze.

           “Thanks.” Steve noted and Rumlow turned away. A few more agents got in and we were damn near surrounded. I rubbed my wrist and adjusted the sleeves of my jacket. Steve’s voice almost made me smile. “Before we get started…does anyone want to get out?”

           “Please say no.” I added and there was a pause before every agent moved in the compact space. An electric rod was jammed into my side so I grabbed it and snapped the man’s arm in half over my knee. Steve pushed me back while I groaned and smashed his foot up into another agent’s neck. My veins sang louder, bones rumbling in tune. I pressed my back to Steve’s and we turned before I elbowed one man in the nose, the emergency shut off was kicked. Six men grabbed at Steve to yank his shield away and subdue him. The rest pushed me back so another electric rod jammed into my stomach and I squirmed in pain. The second I saw cuffs, rage hit. Steve yelled my name when I gritted my teeth and reached to press my hand into the face of one of my attackers. He screamed and jumped back as Steve broke the silver cuffs on his wrists and bashed his shield into an agent’s head, knocking him out. I kicked a man in the stomach, ribs broke apart. Steve flipped a large form over his body and took down three men before Rumlow held two rods up to us.

           “Look, Cap, it’s nothing personal.” He lunged and I let Steve knock him out, pressing a hand to my side.

           “It kind of felt personal.” Steve huffed and looked at me. “Hurt?”

           “I’m fine,” I nodded, peering to ensure we knocked them all out. “All right?”

           “Yeah,” he pried the doors open and I kicked Rumlow’s body aside.

           “Pretty  _messed_   _up_  what happened to your face,” I muttered, fixing my jacket and Steve peered back at me when I quirked up my brow. “Good?”

           “Not bad,” he shrugged, smirking, before I reached out to help open the doors swiftly.

           “Wait,” I gasped when I felt more agents running to us.

           “Drop the shield! Let me see your hands!”

           “Wrong floor!” I jerked the door closed in response. Steve spun to break the glass and cords with his shield so I grabbed onto his arm, holding to the rail to keep him level as the elevator dropped. It skidded to a stop and we opened the doors again only to see more agents racing before he locked them. “New plan.” I kicked the glass out and Steve put his arm around me before he lunged out into the air. I held to him and flew us over the entrance, straining before we lowered. “I don’t exactly have great flight time. But, I have a ride.” Steve dropped from me and we ran together toward the bridge, jumping just before the metal doors closed. A plane flew down and pointed armored guns at us while we kept sprinting.

           “Stand down!” A radioed voice ordered and Steve peered at me.

           “Another lift?”

           “Gladly.” I picked him up and tossed him toward the plane. Steve threw his shield and landed, while I came down and punched my fist through the metal to rip out some wires. Steve took down the engine with his shield while it spun out and I grabbed him again before it crashed into the side of the bridge. “Finally.” I gasped when he landed and a black car came to a screeching halt. My bride smiled at me.

           “Get in.” Loki ordered and I huffed, opening the door. Steve had no time for questions. “You’re late,” she sped off, car swerving. “Buckle up, Captain.”

           “Who are you?”

           “Steve, meet Ava.” I puffed.

           “She’s talked about you in length. The man out of time.” Loki noted idly, on complete edge as she squeezed the wheel.

           “She works at Oscorp.” I buckled myself in and tried to calm my heart while we rounded a corner. “We can trust her.”

           “And you’re…?”

           “Dating.” I lied, earning a side glance from Loki as I turned on the air conditioning. My friends wouldn’t believe me if I said married. “Let’s get food on the way to our next destination. Ava, get us out of sight.”

           “All right.” Steve sat back, rubbing his arm while he dropped his shield in the other seat.

           “Where to first?” Loki looked at me.

           “Your call, Cap. We’re definitely fugitives now. They’ll shut down every street and airport to locate us. Big manhunt…all that rock.”

           “ _Jazz_ , sweetie,” Loki corrected. “All that jazz.”

           “Right. Damn it. Mortal expressions.” I ran my hands into my hair. “That’s why I keep you around.”

           “Oh, you flatter me.” Loki chuckled, turning another corner into an alleyway. "...Buy you both a...a burger?"

           "Yes. Anything else, Steve? We need to be quick."

           “New clothes.” Steve sat up. “I left that flash drive at the hospital too. Wasn’t safe.” Nodding, I peered at Loki.

           “You heard him.”

** ** ** 

           “Stay here,” I touched Loki’s arm and got out to follow Steve. She rolled down the window so I paused when Steve neared the hospital doors. “Thank you.”

           “I’m in trouble, yes?”                

           “You’re always in trouble, this should feel comforting.” I joked and her face went flat. “We’ll figure this one out as we go. Wait for me.”

           “Nice clothing. Glad I picked it out for you?”

           “ _Hmph_ ,” I shook my head and suppressed a smirk before I followed Steve inside. Cold air touched my face when I watched him put his hood up and I adjusted my hat. My boots clicked against the tiles. I followed Steve to a vending machine. The flash drive was gone.

           “You put it  _there_?” I seethed and he glanced at me before something popped behind us.

           “Hey, gang.” Natasha blew a bubble so Steve grew upset, grabbing her to press her into an empty room.

           “Where is it?” He shook her once.

           “Safe.” She insisted.

           “Do better!”

           “Steve, easy,” I took his arm to pry him back.

           “Where did you get it?” She countered, looking at me. “And why are you really here?”

           “The man who attacked me whispered Hail Hydra and killed himself. He wasn’t trying to kill me, he just wanted to out me before the world. I didn’t like that. Steve knows Hydra better than anyone and he needed to know first.” I replied.

           “Fury gave the flash drive to you,” Natasha nodded back to Steve.

           “Why should I tell you anything?” Steve shook his head, not trusting her at all. I’d missed a lot. “What’s on it?”

           “I don’t know.”

           “Stop lying!” Steve grew upset again.

           “She isn’t,” I sighed. “Don’t need to touch her to tell that.”

           “I only act like I know everything, Rogers.” Natasha added.

           “I bet you knew Fury hired the pirates, didn’t you?” Steve accused and she exhaled.

           “Well, it makes sense. The ship was dirty, Fury needed a way in.”

           “I’m not going to ask you again,” Steve got in her face and she changed her tone.

           “I know who killed Fury.” Natasha admitted and I glanced away. “Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists, the ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He’s credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years.”

           “So he’s a ghost story.” Steve shook his head.

           “Washed out,” I whispered again, distant.

           “Five years ago I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot at my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me.” Natasha pulled up her shirt to show us the thick scar in her side. “A Soviet slag, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis.”

           “Yeah, I bet they look horrible on you now,” Steve grew sarcastic and she hinted a smile.

           “Going after him is a dead end. I know, I’ve tried.” She reached into her pocket for the flash drive. “Like you said, he’s a ghost story.”

           “Well, let’s find out what the ghost wants.” Steve took it from her and we all moved to go.

           “We have a ride waiting.” I smiled lighter.

           “Her girlfriend.” Steve cocked his head. “Says she can be trusted. Works at Oscorp.”

           “You want me to trust someone who works at Oscorp? That whole place is dirty. I bet _little_ Osborn is figuring that now.” Natasha fixed her jacket.

           “You have no idea... Remind me to tell you all about Oscorp when this ends. I simply want you to work with someone I trust. I’m a decent judge of character.”  _Yikes_. I brought my hand up and wiggled five fingers.

           “So, you have a girlfriend now?” Natasha shrugged. “She good to you?”

           “Yes,” I shook my head. “Nice looking out.”

           “Well, you disappeared for a while there and I find out you’re hanging with this fossil. Interesting fight there on TV, didn’t invite any of us.” Natasha offered when we exited the building.

           “Sorry to disappoint,” I chuckled. “I’ve missed you, Natasha.”

           “This her?”

           “Ava.” I gestured, opening my door. “We have to open that flash drive.”

           “Up for another mall trip?” Natasha brought up the address on her phone then inched forward. Loki grew nervous and leaned away so I took the phone. “Hey.”

           “Hello.” Loki offered, peering at the phone instead while she gripped the wheel with white knuckles.

           “She’s just nervous. All this excitement.” I touched Loki’s shoulder and gave the phone back. “Drive.” It was quiet for all of two seconds.

           “How’d you meet?” Natasha began instantly.

           “The mall.” I replied in jest, turning to peer at her. “Coffee shop. We do not have them in Asgard.”

           “What do you do at Oscorp, Ava?” Natasha pressed.

           “Usually, I lock myself up in a lab surrounded by computers. I help generate the tests on our up and coming technology. Assist with visiting scientists. Recently, they brought in the brilliant Dr. Otto Octavius. Marvelous to watch him work.” Loki's chest lifted when she smiled to herself and I rubbed my head. My spouse had a crush on a mortal scientist and Natasha wasn’t letting up.

           “Heard of him from Jane Foster a few times. I think their paths crossed at seminars. What tech?”

           “We…developed a body armor to heal soldiers if they’re wounded in battle. It does the work for them so they can go on.”

           “Wasn’t that stolen by the Green Goblin?” Natasha sat back and Steve shifted awkwardly.

           “Just the prototype. This next one is better. Hopefully, it won't be stolen.” Loki peered at me, worried. “Didn’t think I’d ever be sitting in a car with three Avengers. Wow. You’re all so… _clean_. Forgive me, I’m trying to wrap my head around this all.” She forced a wild chuckle and I groaned in silence.  _Oh gods, Loki, stop_. “For a couple of reasons.”

          _This can't end well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always fun to burst Loki's giant bubble. Second of WS half next!!! Starts right away! Thank you to all readers!! Feel free to comment or message me at just-sid.tumblr.com.


	30. Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Winter Soldier. Picks up right away!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Early Update! All the support I've gotten for this story really brings me up and keeps me going. Things have been so rough and this story had been my only comfort for a long time. Your comments/kudos/etc are so wonderful so thank you all.

           “I still need perfume,” I sighed and Loki laced her hand into mine. Steve and Natasha shifted ahead of us and I leaned in to kiss Loki’s cheek. “Stop being weird.” I muttered. “They’ll notice.”

           “I’m dead,” she murmured. Steve wore a pair of glasses and a cap while Natasha put her hood up. I slipped some glasses on as well and the four of us remained disguised as couples.

           “Have any more gum?” I came to Natasha’s side and she offered me a piece before reaching out to offer some to Loki.  _Oh gods, Natasha will never forgive me for this one._  She hesitated but caught my gaze before taking some.

           “Thanks…”

           “We don’t have this on Asgard,” I popped it in my mouth and walked in stride with Natasha.

           “Here,” Steve cocked his head and we all went into the Mac store. Mortals walked about and I expanded briefly. It was odd now that I could distinguish mutants from humans. We peered around and Loki slipped her arm around my waist when we looked at a computer, Steve and Natasha shifted next to us and pulled out the flash drive.

           “The drive has a level six homing program…so as soon as we boot up, Shield will know exactly where we are.” She warned us.

           "I'm on it." I kept my influence spread. "Give us some warning."

           “How much time do we have?” Steve asked.

           “About nine minutes from…” She slipped the flash drive in. “Now.” While she typed away, I pretended to be interested in the computer in front of me. Loki craned her neck and sighed. “Fury was right about that ship, somebody’s trying to hide something. This drive is protected by some sort of AI, it keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands.”

           “Override it,” Loki muttered and I nudged her side.

           “Come here, lab geek, we’ll tag team it.” Natasha furrowed her brow. “The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me. Slightly.”

           “There,” Loki pointed and quietly assisted but Natasha was on a roll.

           “I’m going try running a tracer. This is a program that Shield developed to track hostile malware, so if we can’t read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from.” Natasha spoke while I looked around.

           “Anyone?” Steve asked and I shook my head.

           “I can go about as far as the parking lot. I don’t sense anyone in a hurry to kill us. Be easier if that was how it worked.” I paused, turning to him. “I’ll let you know.”

           “So you can fly now?” Natasha muttered. “Thor talked a lot about you last I saw the big guy. Might be your biggest fan.”

           “I miss him. A lot changed.” I shrugged. “I’m  _evolved_.”

           “Told us the story. Wars. Everything with his brother. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for your loss.”

           “Thank you. That does mean a lot,” I nodded, glancing at Loki on her other side. “Never too late to come back.”

           “Can I help you with anything?” An employee walked up with a bright smile.

           “Oh, no. My fiancé and bridesmaids were just helping me with some honeymoon destinations.” Natasha took Steve’s arm and grinned, we all followed with matching smiles.

           “Right, we’re getting married,” Steve wrapped an arm around her.

           “Congratulations. Where are you guys thinking about going?” The man asked and Steve peered down at the screen to see the tracer.

           “New Jersey.”

           “Oh…okay.” The guys narrowed his gaze before he grinned again. “I have the same exact glasses.” He rubbed his beard, chuckling and we all did in turn.

           “Wow, you two are practically twins.” Natasha smirked wider and Loki shifted behind her to get near me again.

           “Yeah, I wish.  _Specimen_. Uh…if you guys need anything, I’ve been Aaron.”

           “Thank you,” I spoke as he moved away before sighing when I felt it. “Company coming. Rumlow. I can feel his grungy, little soul from here. He’s unhappy…huh. Must be about eight with him. It’s fuzzy.”

           “Men, women? What kind of guns?”

           “I’m not a camera, Steve. Not anymore.” I blinked at him. “And souls don’t have genders, that’d just be silly.”

           “You said nine minutes, let’s go,” Steve hurried us.

           “Shh, relax. Got it.” Natasha pointed and Steve stopped to see Wheaton, New Jersey as the marker. “You know it?”

           “I used to.” Steve tugged the flash drive out. “Let’s go.” Loki and I hurried after them.

           “We should split up,” I exhaled.

           “Meet in the south parking lot, we need to switch cars just in case,” Steve turned his head. “Go.” Loki and I veered off around a corner.

           “Split up?” Loki mused.

           “I need to talk to you. I’m sorry. About everything. I’m sorry I got us into this and I’m sorry I’m back into the world.”

           “You’re half sorry. You ached to be back into the world. We knew this day would come. We’re still hiding, you know? And you cannot stand that.” She looped her arm into mine and we picked up the pace. “I am hiding at least.”

           “That’s why I’m leaving you here. Take the car. Go back to the hotel. Stay there.” My words caused Loki to back away from me. We stood near a fountain and mortals went about their business. “You have to listen to me, please.”

           “You can’t just,” Loki broke with tears that didn’t fall. “You can’t play house with me and play superhero with them.”

           “The world is bigger than us. We chose this.”

           “The world will never be bigger than us.” She shook her head and sniffed hard to control her emotions. “Not to me. Not even you can take that away.”

           “I love you and I wouldn’t change what we shared since coming here. But, it’s time to create something new. It’s time we evolved again. We can take it. I believe in our souls. I always will. I want us both to fight for something better and this is just another beginning. The Avengers will come together again and more supers will rise because this world needs us to. What happened in Asgard will repeat here for the worse and do not forget that Thanos is waiting just beyond the stars in his realm for us both.” I adjusted my purse strap and kissed her for a moment. “This isn't fair to you. It's not. But, you're not safe. You must go.”

           “I will not,” Loki followed after me while I hurried off, walking quicker down a set of stairs. “If you think I’m just going to sit by while you jump head first into this alone.”

           “I'm not alone and I cannot ask you yet to give up your cover. The time will come but that is not this day. Not until the risk escalates when Thanos threatens us. He will and we won't have anywhere to hide. So go, my sweetheart. I’ll always come back for you. I promise. You have to trust me. Let me do this.” I coaxed again, pushing open the doors. Loki wrapped her arms around my shoulders once we got outside to stop me.

           “Look at me, at least, damn you!” She got me to turn and stare with hard eyes.  _I am sorry._  I pressed my lips to hers again and backed her into the wall by the bushes. Heated, I could feel her soul tremor. “Please.” Loki begged once more.

           “I can’t risk you. You don’t want to be seen yet and I understand that…but I’m out and this is where I have to be now. This world needs Psyche again just like Asgard needed its weapon. I cannot turn aside again. There are people who need me. People who are reaching out to pray at last. I have the power to help…and I have to. And, most of all, I  _want_  to. I want to fight. I want to keep my loved ones safe and fight for change. For freedom. I can do that. We have a chance and it starts today. I feel every single soul now in flickers and it’s clear. They’re suffering. They need me.”

           “I need you. Right now, I need you.” Loki choked back more tears. “We were fine in our little house and you’d rip that away so easily.”

           “You think this is  _easy_ for me?!” I touched my rage when she got a rise out of me. “You want to stand in my shoes, be my  _fucking_  guest, sweetheart. See how long you last. But do it after I help them with this. Nothing is easy but the path is clear now. I will come back to you. I love you so much.” My promises bled around Loki’s heart.

           “You’ll never come back from this.”

           “Try me then. I love you. I’m sorry.” I grabbed her wrist, pressing it to the wall of vines so they wrapped around it and held. It gave me a running start. Loki pleaded my name, fighting to free her arm. I raced off and heard her footsteps as she chased after me. My own heart reverberated with grief. Unable to look back yet, I caught Steve and Natasha hotwiring a truck so I flew forward and got in back. “Drive!”

           “But-”

           “ _Drive_!” I pressed my hand against the window and Steve charged off. Behind me, Loki chased after us still in a pair of heels. Wind whirled into my hair and dried the tears that began to fall.

           “Don’t do this!” She called, slowing. Loki couldn’t display any Asgardian qualities and I’d used that to my advantage. _I am so sorry_.

           “I’ll find you!” I promised, tossing my phone when she stopped finally. Loki caught it and stood there, watching me get further away. I expanded to feel her soul for as long as I could and she smiled at last through the tears, whispering.

           “You had better run, clever girl.” We turned a corner and Loki was gone from sight so I slipped against the bottom of the truck’s bed to curl into a ball. It was about twenty minutes before Steve stopped the vehicle to get out and see me.

           “You all right?”

           “No.” I sat up and smoothed my hair as Natasha brought her arms up and crossed them over the edge of the truck bed. I stood and Steve took me in his arms for a moment to help me down when I climbed out to get into the truck with them. Seated behind Natasha, I brought my feet up across the backseat and pressed my head against the cushion. Steve peered at me and we took off once more.

           “It was the right thing to do, you know?” Natasha spoke so I sighed, eyes closing for a beat.

           “I know.” I shook my head. “I thought I could live safely in this world. I thought I could keep those I loved safe too. I can’t do either. Hiding isn’t how I can keep people safe, try as I did…and I really did. There’s so much more I could have done.”

           “You tried,” Steve swallowed. “That means something.”

           “I can’t have peace here or on Asgard…or anywhere. That son of a bitch dragged me back into the light and burned me…and we both saw it coming…because we were happy. Healthy. But, no…I’m mentally unstable and I have a child-like dependency on others and on my powers and on the sheer fact that I am needed by the world. I’m obsessed with being needed because it’s how I can touch love without crumbling, I’ll self-destruct in the process.  _Right_?”

           “You read your profile.” Natasha realized. “The people who wrote it knew you for less than a week. They didn't know what they were talking about and made assumptions. Shield tried to leave you alone.”

           “People who have known me longer thought similar things. I’ve been hearing about my mental health my entire life. I feel them looking at me because I have to feel everything now. You all sent Bruce to monitor me that day, I know you did. It was nice though…to talk about it with another who understood.” I pressed my fist to my lips. “I look at other powerful people I’ve known and they’ve created a level of calm that I will never achieve and there’s just…so much  _pain_. Souls are inordinate with grief and wanting for so much more in this life. How can I put that on others? How can I portray it? I cannot truly share it with anyone. Like oil is being poured into my throat. And the government wishes to put guns in the air and point them at people  _they_  deem threats. We all know what that means. By what right? They, what? …Sense threats and terrorism in their damn DNA. What’s that supposed to mean to someone like you or I?”

           “It’s been put off,” Steve offered. “We need to handle this first.”

           “I just want to understand it, Steve.” I swallowed and Natasha turned her head to see me “Just because a being doesn’t have the correct code, they are a threat? You can’t switch off a living being because they don’t function how you’d like. We are not cogs in a machine. The world shouldn’t work that way. We shouldn’t have to hide or be tossed out because we’re not up to speed with shiny new  _things_.” I grew heated. “Who is this person deemed able enough to decide? Maybe they’re a threat as well. Maybe you are, Steve. Maybe we’re all threats because we feel and we let such things decide for us. If you believe these decisions are even up to you, maybe you should be switched off as well. And then humans go on to pray to us above...begging us to fix things. How can they put this on us?”

           “Hey,” Natasha caught me as I cradled my head. “Take a breath.”

           “Sorry, I’m just…this is…too much for me to process and I’m remembering and feeling things again that I… I just thought I left a lot behind me. That attacker just knew exactly what he was doing when he outed me. And being here with what happened…it’s like I can feel history repeating itself and I can’t stop it. I can never stop it and the best and worst thing is that I try. Is freedom about giving yourself over to fate and atoning or is it the ability to live as you are without remorse? There was a woman I read about from another mythology. Cassandra. She had the gift of prophecy but it was destined that no one believed her. Men decided to switch her off.”

           “The fall of Troy,” Natasha nodded and I sighed.

           “Is that how it’s going to be for all of us? The supers. The mutants. We can’t ever stop terrible things from happening.”

           “We can fight when they do and better the future,” Steve glanced back at me as we continued along the road. “Take another breath or you’ll have a panic attack. Relax while you can. Ava will forgive you, if it helps. You’re in this now and we want you here.”

           “Thank you but she likely won’t for a long while, at least.” I paused. “I’m going to hug you, Natasha.” I leaned forward to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

           “Yeah, yeah, I missed you.” She ran a hand along my arm and chuckled.

           “About half the gang is back together.” I smiled somewhat. “Think we should call in the others?”

           “Laying low is better, Shield has eyes all over and every single one is looking out for us.” Natasha replied. “It was a miracle you got off the grid as much as you did,  _Camille_.”

           “Pretty fake name, I thought.” I cleared my throat. “What’s in New Jersey, Steve? You knew it.”

           “Old military base. Abandoned… From a long time ago.”

           “We’ll search for clues at the source.” Natasha added before changing the subject when we all relaxed. “Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?”

           “Nazi Germany.” He cast her a look.

           “Ah,” she glanced out at the road, putting her feet up.

           “And we’re  _borrowing_. Take your feet off the dash.” Steve added so she scoffed, dropping them.

           “Alright, I have a question for you, of which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don’t answer it though, you’re kind of answering it, you know?” Natasha turned her head and I leaned forward to set my crossed arms on the back of her chair so I could see Steve better.

           “What?” Steve knitted his brow together.

           “Was that your first kiss since 1945?” She chuckled when my lips parted.

           “When did you both kiss?” I smacked Steve’s shoulder.

           “Ah, we did it to evade Rumlow, alright?” He exhaled. “That bad, huh?”

           “I didn’t say that.” Natasha’s lips curled up.

           “Well, it kind of sounds like that’s what you’re saying.”

           “No, I didn’t, I just wondered how much practice you had.” Natasha got me snickering softly behind her.

           “ _Practice_ , what? You don’t need practice.” Steve shook his head and tried to be serious.

           “Everybody needs practice.” Natasha and I piped up.

           “She is right, Steve. Asgardians practice all the time. Sometimes with multiple people after battles.” I added innocently. “For days.”

           “ _My god_ ,” Steve peered at Natasha and they both looked at me.

           “What? I observe, I don’t partake…oh, that sounded worse.” I covered my face when they laughed. “What I’m saying is that they party I don’t…I have. Not usually. Hey, this isn’t about me.  _Steve_  is avoiding the question,” I insisted and Natasha nodded.

           “It was not my first kiss since 1945,” Steve huffed. “I’m 95, I’m not dead.”

           “Sweet child.” I sighed and he snorted audibly.

           “Nobody special, though?” Natasha nudged his arm.

           “Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.” Steve peered at us both and I set my chin on my arms. Briefly, I watched rows of trees pass us and turned back to my friends.

           “Well, that’s alright, you just make something up.” Natasha shrugged.

           “What, like you?” He countered softly.

           “I don’t know. The truth is a matter of circumstances, it’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

           “That’s a tough way to live.” Steve replied, watching the road.

           “It’s a good way not to die though,” Natasha looked distant.

           “It benefits to be what the people want.” I added in a murmur.

           “You know, it’s kind of hard to trust someone when you don’t know who that someone really is.” Steve eyed her face and she looked back.

           “Yeah. Who do you want me to be?”

           “How about a friend?" He got her to chuckle, breathless.

           “Well, there’s a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers.”

           “I think we are exactly where we need to be,” I offered, leaning back. “And it was his first kiss since 1945.”

           “That time was on purpose,” Steve turned to shoot me a flat look while Natasha laughed lightly in her seat.

           “It was.” I grinned, licking my lips.

           “Well, we can’t all be attending city crushing Asgardian parties.”

           “I’ll put you both on the guest list if I ever attend one again. You should see Thor arm wrestle and down flagons of mead, it’s quite a sight. I know he likes you both. Is he still seeing Jane Foster? She won that award a few months ago, I read about it. A high honor it looked.”

           “Nominated for a Nobel Prize is a big deal,” Natasha added. “Last time I saw him, they were together. But that was over a year ago. Jane's been...busy.”

           “Did he look happy?” I swallowed.

           “Does he always look like the sun?” Steve joked and I nodded.

           “Yes, he does… Good. Good for him. Haven’t seen him since we saved the realms and broke that false engagement of convenience.”

           “You know, Asgard actually sounds terrifying.” Steve admitted after a moment.

           “Seconded.” Natasha added and I scoffed.

           “Can’t get past the thought of a thousand Thors walking around.” Steve got me to chuckle again. “You train every day or are you born with a sword in your hand?”

           “Warriors are taught from childhood in blades, arrows, and shields. They come naturally to us in a way. Our worst warrior would still have a better understanding of weapons than the best in any other world. No offense. We even learn ancient arts. Hand cannons and such…ah, guns. Heavy artillery. Most have their speciality. Thor and his hammer, for example. Most of us are killing and on the front lines before we're teens by Midgard standards. Not all Asgardians serve but many do at some point before they learn other trades. Mortals see me of age as a mere college student but I've sent thousands of souls to their deaths. I've looked this way for eons.” I caught Natasha’s glance.

           “Like child soldiers.”

           “That is a fair and harsh assessment. There is a lot of truth to it. Not that we force our children to fight. Warriors court battle and glory from a young age, it’s what we as a race know best. Protecting the realms. But it often runs in a family through blood…and gods help the child who dishonors the family name.” I smiled to myself. “Probably the worst thing you can do is stain the name of Asgard…and the name of your blood relatives. The moment I realized that there were more important things is the moment my life began.”

           “So, guns?” Steve turned to peer at me. “If I handed you a machine gun you’ve never touched before?”

           “I’d get the idea.” I shrugged.

           “And magic?” Natasha inquired.

           “Magic is seen as more of a tool of science to build and heal. And less of a battle skill.” I crossed my arms. “Although, there was one insufferable little boy who disagreed…and a little girl who supported him. Worse, a mother who just couldn’t help herself from meddling with fate.”

** ** **

           “This is it?” Steve got out first, followed by me and Natasha held up her phone to look around. The sun was setting while crickets chirped loudly around us. I approached a metal gate with Steve behind me.

           “The file came from these coordinates.” She nodded, pocketing her phone.

           “So did I…” Steve exhaled. “This is the camp where I was trained.”

           “Changed much?” Natasha moved up before I gripped the fence and pulled, tearing and bending it down so we could walk in.

           “A little.” Steve walked ahead of me and looked around as the sky grew darker. I could see the distance in his eyes while he remembered the past. Natasha’s device beeped so she held it up and tried to pinpoint the source before we followed her.

           “It’s empty.” I breathed, looking up at the stars.

           “This is a dead end. Zero heat signature, zero waves, not even radio. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off.” Natasha glanced down at us from the stone steps while Steve moved to eye a building.

           “What is it, Steve?” I followed him.

           “Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards from the barracks. This building is in the wrong place.” He glanced at me. “You’re sure it’s empty?”

           “Yes. I don’t sense any souls beyond us.” I watched him snap a lock open with his shield before we went inside, descending stairs to go underground. When Steve flicked on the lights, I stared at the logo on the wall and inhaled sharper.

           “This is Shield.” Natasha spoke.

           “Maybe where it started…” Steve led us into another room with photos on the wall. I recognized Peggy Carter among them, along with another.

           “Tony’s father.” I frowned.

           “Howard.” Steve breathed, turning only when Natasha added.

           “You still visiting Carter in the hospital, Steve?” She cast me a look when Steve nodded, mute, so we followed him off. I lingered to run my hands across the wall and down a dusty desk. Sighing, I felt something heavy put weight on my heart before I pulled away. Steve stopped at a bookshelf and felt a breeze through the cracks.

           “If you’re already working in a secret office…” He pulled it from the wall and revealed a door. “Why do you need to hide the elevator?” Quietly, we entered it and descended into the depths. The wind howled in the distance. Old machines buzzed and the lights went on when we walked toward the largest computer.

           “This can’t be the data point, this technology is ancient.” Natasha shook her head but eyed a small flash drive port. Without speaking, she pressed the flash drive in and the computers around us jumped to life. A mechanical voice spoke while letters punched into the screen.

           “Initiate system?” It asked and Natasha typed yes into it before it hummed and rebooted. Cameras scanned over us while a blurred face materialized. “Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanoff, Natalia Alianovna. Born, 1984… Unknown. Unknown origin… Must search further database.” It caused me to huff after it turned to me and I caught looks from my friends before I shrugged.

           “It’s some kind of recording.” Natasha explained.

           “I am not a recording,  _Fräulein_. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945, but I am.” A picture flashed across the screen and Steve’s eyes changed.

           “Do you know this thing?” Natasha asked and Steve swallowed.

           “Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He’s been dead for years.”

           “…He experimented on mortals.” I added and Steve nodded.

           “First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain.”

           “How did you get here?” Steve clenched his fists.

           “Invited.” It buzzed.

           “It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. Shield recruited German scientists with strategic values.”  Natasha answered.

           “They thought I could help their cause. I also helped my own.” The computer flashed with pixelated green lights.

           “Hydra died with the Red Skull.” Steve tensed and I shifted up to look at his face.

           “Steve…” I breathed. Pieces fell together.

           “ _Don’t_.” He refused me.

           “Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.” Zola snapped.

           “Prove it,” Steve shifted forward but I put my hand on his chest.

           “Accessing archive.” Pictures and old footage flashed across the screen while it spoke. “Hydra was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize, was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much. Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, Shield was founded and I was recruited. The new Hydra grew. A beautiful parasite inside Shield. For seventy years Hydra has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed.”  _The whole time_ , I thought,  _it’s like the Elders all over again._

           “That’s impossible, Shield would have stopped you.”

           “Washed out,” I let Steve go to touch the computer’s face with my palm.

            _“Accident’s will happen.”_  Its threats showed pictures of Tony’s parents. The news of their death.  _No_ … I felt the heavy sensation turn my spine to steel and yanked away.

           “It doesn’t lie.” I whispered while we watched in horror.

           “Hydra created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, Hydra’s new world order will arise. We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your life; a zero sum.” Steve pushed past me to smash the thick glass with his fist, cracks exploded and the face jumped to another screen to my right. “As I was saying…"

           “What’s on this drive?!” Steve stepped forward to Zola.

           “Project Insight requires  _insight_. So I wrote an algorithm.”

           “What kind of algorithm? What does it do?” Natasha urged.

           “The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.” The doors behind us snapped shut before Steve could toss his shield to stop them. The device in Natasha’s pocket beeped and she yanked it out.

           “Short ranged ballistic.” She breathed, eyes widening. “Thirty seconds tops.”

           “Who fired it?”

           “Shield…” As they spoke, I tried to pry open the doors.

           “We won’t get up the elevator in time.” I warned, rushing back toward them.

           “I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain.” Zola went on. “Admit it…it is better this way. An end to you and me…and… _identity processed_ …that alien beast twisted beyond belief, she can barely call herself Asgardian.”

           “ _Shit_ ,” I seethed, knocking another computer out as it chuckled at me and the face jumped to yet another screen.

           “We are, all of us…out of time.” Zola finished and Steve yanked up a grate to open the floor. Natasha and I rushed forward to jump down under Steve’s shield with him when the explosion shook the entire building. I reached up with one hand to help Steve hold the shield steady. Magic billowed from my body to ease the blows. Rocks rained down so I covered Natasha with my body. Steve was straining and yelling over the chaos. We were buried in heat and debris and I closed my eyes to use magic to push more rocks away so we could breathe. Teeth mashed and I screamed a surge of sunset lights. I felt my body overcharge before I went limp against Steve’s chest, covering Natasha partly while my other arm draped over his shoulder. My forehead touched his neck and the combined sensations of his pain and rage sent me into the dark.

           When it was black and silent, I stirred at the sound of Steve’s cough before he groaned and pushed at the rocks above us. He strained and called my name, shaking me with his free arm. Natasha was still under us and I inhaled sharply before my scarred hand swirled with red and yellow specks.

            “I need your help to lift this. Come on. We're almost there. We're okay.”

           “Steve…” I caught my breath and saw his dirty face before I mustered some strength and pushed with him. Nodding, I closed my eyes and we unburied ourselves with one mighty push. Dirt and rocks fell around us. I picked up Natasha and handed her body up to Steve. “She’s just knocked out. We have to get out of here.” Steve yanked me up after before he carried Natasha and we trekked through the rumble, tired and dirty as I rubbed my shoulder until it cracked. Fires lit the area around until we made it back to the car and I helped buckle Natasha in. “Come on…” I managed to heal a cut on her forehead and got in behind her while Steve drove off. “Natasha.” She stirred a little and coughed, eyes cracking open.

           “Where are we?”                                                              

           “Going back to DC,” Steve’s voice was hard and she closed her eyes again. “Away from here. Rest, both of you.”

           “We need help, Steve,” I whispered, touching his arm. He was rigid through his coat and went silent before peering at me.

           “I think we know a guy.” He sighed. “Wouldn’t have made it this far without you.”

           “Yes, you would have.” Affection gripped me so I kissed his cheek. “But, thank you.”

** ** **

           Steve and I took turns driving so we both could rest on the way back to DC. Covered in ash, I walked at his side when morning broke and we knocked on Sam Wilson’s door. Natasha rubbed her eyes and we waited for the door to slide open.

           “…Hey, man.” Sam looked from Steve to Natasha and I, brow furrowed with worry. “What happened to you all?”

           “I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lay low.” Steve swallowed.

           “Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” Natasha added and Sam stepped aside.

           “Not everyone.” Sam let us in and looked us up and down. “Towels.” He hurried off and came back with a pile.

           “Thank you,” I cleared my throat, they started talking behind me but I zoned out. I couldn’t go to Loki yet, but I needed to know he was safe. Natasha spoke my name and I turned to tune them all back in. “Sorry. What?”

           “Go, get cleaned up first.” She nodded and Sam was gesturing. Wordless, I lowered my gaze and shifted away from them into a bathroom. Our clothing was washed and I scrubbed my face under cold water. This was too much. Natasha and Steve cleaned up after me and I clutched the damp towel I’d used to dry my curls in my lap until Sam set a glass of water next to me.

           “Thank you,” I drank it and he took the towel to toss it away, hesitating. Natasha confessed her guilt over this all to Steve in the other room before Sam sat next to me on his couch.

           “Want to talk about it?”

           “I guess, I just wanted to help…and I think I made things worse. I wanted back out into the fight and I made a mess of it. Shield was corrupted the entire time and I couldn’t see it. I feel like every time I get involved, it just causes more pain. For someone who can read people as well as I can, I'm often...lost.”

           “No one can see everything, not even Psyche.” He leaned onto his knees, brightening. “Your friends seem grateful and they trust you. I saw you that day in New York. You and Thor sent the news into a frenzy. You were the one the camera got the closest to.” He shrugged his shoulders, lips shifted up. “You looked terrified and…ready somehow. Ready to be seen. You don’t have to fight but you do. So do they. You inspired a lot of good in others too I've seen.” He gestured to the room Steve and Natasha were in. “We have to look out for each other. They won’t judge you for walking away, but I have a feeling you want to see this through.”

           “You make yourself very accessible to those who are in pain. Because you wish to help them.” I observed. “You still have a wondrous soul, Sam Wilson.”

           “That’s a compliment I won’t soon forgot.” He touched my shoulder and nodded. “I’ll make you all something to eat. Breakfast?”

           “That sounds divine.” I agreed and shifted toward next room. Steve sat across from Natasha and she sighed.

           “When I first joined Shield, I thought it was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for Hydra. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but…I guess I can’t tell the difference anymore.”

           “There’s a chance you might be in the wrong business.” Steve chuckled and she smirked a little at his words.

           “I owe you.” She peered at me when I came to join them. “Both of you.”

           “No, you don’t.” I exhaled, setting my hands on my lap.

           “If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?” Natasha looked to Steve and he brightened. The sun came out beyond him. I would not soon forget Steve's smile.

           “I would now. And I’m always honest.” Steve sat back and I winked at him.

           “Liar.” I joked.

           “Well, you seem pretty chipper for someone who just found out they died for nothing.” Natasha sat up.

           “Well, I guess I just like to know who I’m fighting.” Steve looked at my eyes. “I'm sorry.”

           “Don’t apologize, I tried to not believe it as well. I didn’t have facts either.”

           “What could Hydra have gained in involving you?” He continued.

           “I’m a valuable mystery. Who could resist?” I paused, shrugging. “I calibrate mind and soul alike. Would you give that up? The possibilities have no end. Should Hydra deem outsiders like me against the human race...that will only further their goals.”

           “Makes for chaos.” Natasha added. “You stopped Hydra from taking the mind stone.”

           “I really hope you know how much that means,” Steve rubbed his head and touched my hand with a sincere gesture. It made me smile.

           “I have a vague idea.” I thought for a moment. “A lot of innocent people will perish if this Project Insight reaches the sky.”

           “We’ll stop it.” Steve nodded without question. “And this Winter Soldier.”

           “I made breakfast. If you guys…eat that sort of thing.” Sam appeared and we followed him into the kitchen. He scooped eggs and bacon onto our plates and passed out slices of toast so I reached for a knife and butter, eagerly biting into the warm bread. Steve chewed on some bacon and Natasha spoke first after a scoop of eggs.

           “So, the question is: who in Shield could launch a domestic missile strike?” She sipped some coffee while I stirred cream and sugar into mine.

           “Pierce.” Steve replied easily.

           “I knew I didn’t like him.” I muttered after a bite of eggs.

           “Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world.” Natasha added next, reclining back.

           “But he’s not working alone, Zola’s algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.” Steve shook his head and she perked up.

           “So was Jasper Sitwell.”

           “Who?” Sam and I asked at the same time.

           “High ranking Shield agent.” Steve looked at us.

           “If we get him, I can make him sing any tune you like.” I shrugged, chewing and swallowing before I added. “Getting him to confess will honestly be quicker. Takes a while to dig, unless I know exactly what I need and he brings that to the front of his brain. I could spook him though.”

           “So, the real question is: how do the three most wanted people in Washington kidnap a Shield officer in broad daylight?” Steve poked at his food and finished up his plate.

           “The answer is: you don’t.” Sam dropped a file onto the table while Natasha and Steve peered into it.

           “What’s this?”

           “Call it a resume.” Sam shrugged, crossing his arms as I picked up my coffee to gulp it.

           “Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission…that was you. You didn’t say he was a para-rescue.” Natasha peered at Steve and passed me a photo.

           “Oh my…” I traced a finger along the wings attached to his back in the picture. “This technology isn’t of this part of the world. It’s not Stark tech.”

           “It’s better. Wakanda engineers. Distant and closed society in Africa.”

           “Yes, I know it from books.” I lowered the photo. “Marvelous. He’s coming with us, right?” I pointed and he smiled at me.

           “This is Riley?” Steve held up another photo and Sam nodded.

           “You used the wings as the stealth chute when they couldn’t bring in choppers.” Natasha sat up.

           “I thought you said you were a pilot.” Steve chuckled and Sam shrugged.

           “I never said pilot.”

           “I can’t ask you to do this, Sam.” Steve went on. “You got out for a good reason.”

           “Dude, Captain America needs my help. There’s no better reason to get back in.” Sam grinned when I nudged him. “She seems eager.”

           “Where can we get our hands on one of these things?” Steve asked then.

           “The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.”

           “Shouldn’t be a problem.” Natasha sipped, nonchalant, and Steve dropped the file. The bold letters across the front read,  _Falcon_.

** ** **

           “Get the wings, I’ll meet you at three to get Sitwell.” I followed Steve outside when they got into Sam’s car.

           “Don’t be late.” Steve took my shoulder. “Stay out of sight.”

           “Yes, Captain.” I winked and slid a round pair of sunglasses on. “I’ll ditch the truck on the way.”

           “Be careful.” Steve called as I rushed forward and Natasha tossed me the keys when Sam exited and locked his house. The trucked revved up and I parked two blocks away from the hotel before entering the lobby. Loki was seated in the dining room wearing an elegant cocktail dress with her back to me; an empty glass ready to be filled by a waiter in her hand.

           “I’ll take that, put it on our tab,” I nodded for them to go and filled Loki’s glass, smoothing the one tear that rolled down her cheek at the mere sound of my voice. She didn’t look at me while I poured and rounded the table to sit down. “Wine for breakfast and lunch?”

           “Thought I’d enjoy a crisp white this day.” Loki eyed her glass in the light so I adjusted my hat and pulled my glasses off. “Late night?”

           “You know me, darling.” I let my pretense fall away and touched her hand. “I’m not pushing you out because I don’t believe in you.”

           “I know. If I’m discovered, hell will rain down upon us. And that’s my fault.” She sniffled and sipped her wine, setting it down. “They’re looking for you, the captain, and Romanoff. Fugitives.”

           “I know and I don’t have much time with you now before I have to go again.” I paused. “You didn’t know.”

           “Know what?”

           “That Shield was Hydra the entire time.” I whispered and Loki sat back.

           “No, I did not. Wish I did though…my plan might have worked out better. But, I imagine they would have been insufferable to work with after. Nazis don't interest me, I'm not _that_ kind of monster.” She smirked wide. “I bet your little friends are more grateful for your greedy actions that day on Stark Tower.”

           “If all of this is put down, chaos will still run wild. We might need Thor soon.”

           “We’ll deal with that when it comes. Our plans are out the window as of now, no?”

           “I am so sorry.” I whispered after a moment of silence.

           “Sweetheart, I love you and you know not to lie to my face.”

           “I  _am_  sorry.” I insisted. “I’m sorry we can’t stand together because we’re still on different sides of a fence and I’m sorry that it’s hurting us.”

           “You put off a family because you knew that these days would pass.” She looked aside.

           “You put it off because you still hate yourself some days and you don’t want to pass that Jotun blood on to a child. We have our reasons.” I countered and Loki’s eyes snapped to mine. “You are my family.  _You_.”

           “And you are mine, sweetheart.” Loki reached out to caress my cheek with sparkling eyes. “Pour me another glass before you go.” Beaming somewhat, I obliged and stood up.

           “We’re going to be all right. You and I.”

           “Yes,” Loki stared at my empty chair, lifting the glass to her lips. “I won’t be able to hide much longer.”

           “I’ll be standing next to you when the time comes.” I sighed before I added, wistful. “Lie to me.”

           “Missing old days?” She chuckled. “How very nostalgic of you.”

           “You could say that.”

           “Well, while I’m lying to you,” Loki sighed, peering up at me. “I will say that I’m not upset one bit, I will never forgive you for this, and I don’t love you.” Covering her hand with my scarred one, I leaned down to kiss her and felt her lips tremble. “Please, don’t leave me behind again.” Loki turned my palm to trace the scar there, lungs quivering with a shaken breath. I planted one last kiss against her temple before I touched my forehead there for a lingering moment. “Give them hell.”

           “Always do.” I pressed my lips and turned to go before she reached to hand me a plastic bag.

           “New clothing.”

           “You had this ready…” I dropped my own bag at her feet.

           “Ditch the mall clothes, you’ve ruined them,” Loki snickered. “Get out of here.”

           “Thank you.” I pressed my hand to her shoulder and hurried to go out. After changing in the lobby bathroom, I ran back into the truck and raced off. Checking my watch, I left the truck in an alleyway and reported it over a payphone before I hurried to where I was supposed to meet Steve. Another alleyway hid me from view until I felt him and Natasha nearby then flew upward.

           “You’re late!” Natasha called.

           “Barely,” I scoffed, eyeing the agent while he backed up toward the ledge of the building. Steve was in no mood for games, grabbing him.

           “Tell me about Zola’s algorithm.” Steve advanced and the man played dumb.

           “Never heard of it.”

           “What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?!” Steve about snarled, grabbing him and forcing up to the edge. I came to Natasha’s side and crossed my arms.

           “I was throwing up, I get seasick.” He tried to chuckle as I observed him. Pale with brown hair. Nothing special. “What? You’re going to throw me off the roof? Cause it’s really not your style, Rogers.”

           “Hm.” Steve straightened the man’s jacket. “You’re right. It’s not. It’s hers.” He stepped back and Natasha kicked the agent over the roof. Yawning, I listened to my friends while he screamed and flew downward.

           “Oh, wait. What about that girl from accounting, Laura…?” Natasha suggested.

           “Are we trying to find Steve a date? I want to play.” I added when she smiled at me and Steve huffed.

           “ _Lillian_. Lip piercing, right?”

           “Yeah, she’s cute.” Natasha spoke and I raised my hand, grinning.

           “Steve, I know men and women in Asgard who would just eat you up.”

           “…Literally or figuratively?”

           “Ah, you know, I’m actually not sure but I still think you’d have an excellent time.” I shrugged and Natasha snickered next to me. “But, my friend, Fandral, likes men and women and he’d show you a grand time like a perfect gentleman.”

           “Fandral…I think I’ve seen pictures of him in Shield’s files. He’s cute.”

           “Oh, he’d adore you, Tasha.” I chuckled. “He gets along with everyone.”

           “Yeah, I’m not ready for any of this.” Steve rubbed the back of his head when his cheeks went pink. Sam flew upward as if on cue and dropped the agent back onto the roof before landing.

           “Sam, you’re magnificent,” I smiled sweetly at him when he nodded, wings retracting.

           “I’m not telling you anything!” The agent went on and I looked to Steve, pleading with my signature big eyed stare.

           “My turn?” I waited until he nodded before my gaze snapped to the cowering man, crawling backwards.

           “Oh, no…not her. Wait a minute!” He put his hand out.

           “I’m glad I’ve made an impression. Men older than you have cowered before me.” I grabbed him up by his collar, lifting him from the ground. “Look pale man, I’ve already forgotten your name and I won’t lie about that!”

           “I  _really_  love her.” Sam whispered, laughing behind me.

           “But, unless you want blood spitting out of every hole in your puny, mortal body while I dig around your tiny brain…I suggest you start telling the truth.  _Don’t lie, I’ll know_.”

           “Wait!” He stopped me from touching his head and I dropped him in a heap at Steve’s feet, nodding. “He’s going to have me killed.”

           “Talk!” I grasped the back of his jacket. “Or I’ll start taking fingers first. Want to see what happens when I get to ten?”

           “What’s the algorithm?” Steve requested again and the man shook his head so I sighed, grabbing his neck to get in his face while I pointed.

           “I will literally scoop out your eyeballs and eat them for dessert,” I cocked my head, pointing from his eyes to my lips. “That’s how we do it in Asgard.” He pressed his face into the ground when I dropped him and Natasha quirked her eyebrow at me so I shook my head, shrugging.  _Not really_ , I mouthed. I touched my finger to his head, tapping it and he spit up blood, grinding his teeth together. “Sitwell, that was your name. Might look nice on your grave.”

           “Okay!” He gasped out when I relented. “Zola’s algorithm is a program…for choosing Insight’s targets!”

           “What targets?” Steve pressed and Sitwell looked up.

           “You! Her. All of you. Stark. Banner. All known mutants. Outed super-humans. Danvers. Jane Foster. Osborn's kid. The Van Dynes. Reed Richards. Sue Storm. Their team. Valedictorians. Scientists. News anchors. All over the world. Anyone who is a threat to Hydra now or in the future!”

           “The future? How could it know?” Sam came forward, arms crossed.

           “How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught Hydra how to read it.” Sitwell coughed after chuckling, collecting himself. “Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola’s algorithm evaluates peoples’ past to predict their future.”

           “And what then?” Steve growled, advancing further.

           “Oh, my god. Pierce is going to kill me.” Sitwell lamented again.

           “Not if I beat him to it,” I picked the agent up and dragged him to the ledge.

           “What then?!” Steve shouted when I had Sitwell in place.

           “Then the Insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time.” Sitwell confessed and we all looked at each other.

           “Time to go.” Steve turned and I forced the agent to follow.

           “Where are you taking me?” He seethed so I grabbed his face again and he dropped to his knees in pain.

           “If Jane Foster or any mutant child gets hurt, I’ll tear you apart. If anyone on that list perishes, I'll-”

           “Later,” Natasha touched my shoulder. “Let’s go.” She tugged me along and Sam grabbed Sitwell as I cooled off, swallowing.

           “Men like him deserve to be switched off,” I muttered, hurrying forward to follow them out of here. “Wouldn’t be the first time I took matters into my own hands.”

** ** **

           “Hydra doesn’t like leaks.” Sitwell tried from the back seat as we drove down the highway.

           “So why don’t you try sticking a cork in it?” Sam turned from the front seat with Steve next to him. Natasha sat between Sitwell and I as I pulled off my seatbelt and leaned forward.

           “Insight’s launching in sixteen hours, we’re cutting it a little bit close here.” She peered at me and Steve nodded.

           “I know. We’ll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly.” Steve explained. Something chilled up my spine.

           “My friends…” I breathed, turning around. “I…I think…?”

           “What?! Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea!” Sitwell shook his head and spoke over me when Natasha turned her gaze.

           “What is it?”

           “He’s here!” I was too late when someone thudded against the roof of the car and Sitwell was jerked out his broken window. His body smashed into a truck and disappeared so I punched my fist through the roof and grabbed the ankle of the Winter Soldier, tripping him as Sam hit the brakes hard. He flew forward and used his metal arm to skid to a stop while I lunged out the back window, flying around the car to tackle him down. We rolled across the road. Cars drove around us before a metal fist charged into my stomach with a blow that actually pulled the air from me.

            Coughing, I got up when another car crashed into ours so I dodged and almost got hit, pressing to the ledge to avoid vehicles. The Winter Soldier grabbed Sam’s steering wheel and flung it at me, forcing me to jump out of the way again while he shot at them and Natasha blasted back. The car was jerked forward by the truck behind it until I tackled the Winter Soldier from it again.

           “That was you that night in the rain, wasn’t it? Watching me!” Steve, Natasha, and Sam escaped after their vehicle flipped. It was easy to observe this man’s strength matched Steve’s while he kicked from me. Both of us rolled across another street so I jumped up to see his masked face.

           “Who are you?” I gasped out. Instead, he aimed and shot a slug that sent Steve’s body flying backwards after it clanged against his Shield. I flew and grabbed Sam then Natasha to get them out of the line of fire when cars crashed to get away from this and henchmen got out of the truck. Rounds of bullets hit the empty cars we got behind before we nodded and agreed to split up.

           Evading bullets, I charged forward and picked up two men before dropping them over the edge while I flew down under the bridge. Three men came down on ropes to attack Steve as he was spotted, lifting his shield so Sam and I took them out.

           “Go, I got this!” Sam shouted, a gun in his hand while he covered us from above.

           “Which way did he go?” Steve took my arms so I searched harder.

           “Followed Natasha,” I pointed down another street. Another explosion sounded before a car rolled across the road as we trailed after this man. “Get out of here!” I lingered next to Steve while we ran down the lane and pushed people away to safety. “Run!” Ahead of us, I heard Natasha cry out when she was shot.

           “Get her away from him!” Steve ordered so I lifted up and grabbed my friend to push her behind a truck.

           “You alright?” I pulled her hand from her shoulder and she nodded. “Lie. A slug, it went in and out.” I picked her up and a gun aimed for us before Steve tackled the soldier down. “Come on!” I helped pull Natasha to a safer location, dazed while I shook my head. “He reminded me of…”

           “I know.” Natasha gritted her teeth so I healed her as best I could. Civilians had emptied. Steve fought the man off in close combat. I rushed forward just as Steve flipped him and my kick sent him flying backwards when I grabbed Steve up. The mask fell against the road and broke before he stood up and turned, brown locks falling into his familiar face. Gasping out, I grabbed Steve’s arm when we'd realized it.

           “Bucky?” Steve lost his air, heaving and the man shifted toward us, brow furrowing. Genuine confusion touched his bright eyes.

           “Who the hell is Bucky?”

           “He was washed out.” My lips parted when awe overcame me. Sam flew down and kicked Bucky before he could aim while we split apart. Getting up, there was a singular moment of hesitation while his eyes searched for answers before he aimed at Steve. Another car exploded as Natasha picked up a gun to distance the soldier from us while Steve and I shared a horrified look.

           “Where did he go?” Steve came to me.

           “I don’t know,” I shook my head, peering around. “I lost him.”

           “Find him again!” Steve grew frantic and sirens surrounded us. Hydra men in armor came forward and Steve took my wrist.

           “Don’t.” Guns pointed at us all so I set my hands up when Steve followed.

           “It was him,” I whispered. “You’re not losing your mind. Yet.” Steve swallowed and nodded when Rumlow gave an order.

           “On your knees.” He kicked Steve’s leg and he came down slowly before a blade slipped against my neck.

           “Not here!” Rumlow got the guns to lower and I was pushed to my knees, eyes filled with rage. Above us, a helicopter from a news station got his men to back off. They forced me into a straitjacket with thick metal pieces before arresting and shoving us into a van. Frantically, I struggled and pushed myself against the wall before a shock went through my system. Metal looped from my neck all down my torso.

           “Stop it! Leave her!” Sam struggled while Steve was restrained and Natasha was buckled in next to him.

           “Not enjoying spring break,  _Psyche_?” Rumlow picked up my straps and attached a chain from me to the wall. “You move, you get shocked. Simple?” I spat at his face and got shocked again, crumbling against the floor while I kicked and hands tried to hold me down.

           “You should read up…on what happened to Ajax the Lesser when he upset the gods.” I sneered, earning another round of shocks. “ _Ahh!”_ My head left a dent in the floor when I writhed. I expanded out and peered at the guard next to him before I started laughing to myself through the pain.

           “The fuck…” He muttered, shaking his head at me

           “I know something you don’t know.” I taunted, chuckling and crying out when he relented. The guard heaved me up and smacked me backwards.

           “You’d be prettier if you weren’t fucking crazy. They can’t wait to get her into a lab. They’ll need you conscious and alert when they start the tests and collecting your organs. Should sell tickets to it. How many things can be cut out before you die?” Heavying for air, I rolled over when the doors slammed shut before my chest fell with a heavy breath. Steve muttered my name to make sure I was still awake and I nodded, curling up against the wall between my friends. Two agents with covered faces got in before the van took off. I let nothing I knew get out.

           “Hey, breathe,” Sam peered down at me while I shook erratically. Calming down as best I could, I let my head fall back against a seat.

           “It was him. He looked right at me and he didn’t even know me.” Steve lowered his eyes.

           “How’s that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.” Sam asked quietly, peering at our guards.

           “Zola. Bucky’s whole unit was captured in ‘43, Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did, it helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him.” Steve reeled with regret.

           “You didn’t know.” I exhaled, touching my cheek to his leg before I lifted my gaze to a guard across from me.

           “None of that’s your fault, Steve.” Natasha added, head lulling while blood dripped from her wound.

           “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.” Steve admitted. Sam noticed the blood and sat up.

           “We need to get a doctor here. We don’t put pressure on that wound she’s going to bleed out here in the truck.” He turned to a masked guard and they pointed an electric rod at him before abruptly stabbing the guard next to them. We all were startled when Maria Hill removed the helmet.

           “Thought you felt familiar,” I breathed, unmoving.

           “That thing was squeezing my brain.” She wiped sweat from her face and eyed Sam. “Who’s this guy?”

           “Questions later,” I mumbled. “Get us out of here now, please.”

           “Right,” Maria turned on a device to cut us out of our bonds. “Who’s first?”

** ** **

           “Are we almost there? She’s already lost a lot of blood.” I turned to Maria in the front seat of our new vehicle.

           “I’ll be fine,” Natasha huffed weakly while I pressed her hand to the gauze.

           “Almost.” Maria turned a corner and I sighed, shaken.

           “You’re not getting dissected in any lab.” Natasha spoke softer and I pressed my lips.

           “Hard not to picture it. I dreamed of it often when I came here.”

           “Rumlow is scared of you, you know? Nice Ajax reference.”

           “Rewarding,” I smirked when she did. “And I thought so. That mythology is very dramatic and fascinating. Well, most are but I followed that one the best. I hope to learn more. Ava refers to me as a sponge when I’m allowed time in a library.”

           “She upset?”

           “Very.” I shrugged. “She’s in a state of begrudging acceptance. We had a lot of good time together.”

           “And you…and her are…?”

           “Romantically, I’m open to all people. Gender is of little consequence.” I beamed, peering away. “We enjoyed our bubble for as long as we could.”

           “Nothing lasts forever.” Natasha breathed and I dropped my hands, cocking my head.

           “Plenty lasts forever if given the time and care.” I paused. “Souls. Colors change and twist but the soul can go on.”

           “So you can actually see and touch them?”

           “Yes, I can,” I blinked, shifting in my seat while I monitored her. “Souls never lie. This much I know… Flesh can be persuaded.”

** ** **

           We helped Natasha out and Steve guided her toward a seemingly abandoned stone structure deep in a forest. Maria opened a thick gate and led us down a set of tunnels before a man came rushing toward us.

           “GSW. She’s lost at least a pint.” Maria referenced the wound on Natasha’s shoulder.

           “Maybe two.” Sam added from Natasha’s other side.

           “Let me take her!” The doctor came forward but Maria continued on.

           “She’ll wants to see him first.” When she drew back a curtain, my friends regarded a wounded Nick Fury in awe. He was sitting up in a hospital bed, still hooked up to an IV. We locked eyes and I smiled before nodding.

           “About damn time,” Nick breathed and Natasha came forward a step.

           “Let me fix this up,” the doctor instead sat her down and pulled her coat when she hissed.

           “Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver…one hell of a headache.” Nick chuckled slightly while we seated around him, pulling up chairs.

           “Don’t forget your collapsed lung.” The doctor added as he worked.

           “Oh, let’s not forget that. Otherwise, I’m good.” Nick shrugged and I scoffed outward.

           “Good to have you back.” I piped up.

           “They cut you open, your heart stopped.” Natasha shook her head.

           “Tetrodotoxin B.” He lied partly, eye flicking to me once. “Slows the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn’t work so great for him, but we found a use for it.”

           “Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?” Steve sat up and I looked away briefly.

           “Any attempt on the director’s life had to look successful,” Maria crossed her arms and Nick agreed.

           “Can’t kill you if you’re already dead. Besides, I wasn’t sure who to trust.” Nick swallowed and sat up. “Help me out of this, we’ll talk in the next room once Natasha is taken care of.” Sam shifted to follow Maria out while Steve spun on his heel to go around a corner. I immediately tailed him and waited until he stopped and paced again, raising his fit to punch a wall when his anger grew.

           “Steve!” I gasped softly, gripping his wrist with ease. “We must focus.”

           “The whole time. He’s been alive.” Steve trembled and sniffed hard. “Bucky’s been out there and I’ve…I've been... I didn't try to...” My heart swelled with empathy. Steve and I had more in common than I'd realized before.

           “You did not know he was alive but now you do and perhaps, this is your chance to save him. Not everyone gets a second chance, but you have one and we’ll take it.”

           “We?”

           “Clint Barton, I brought him back from the control of the mind stone.” I stood straighter. “I know the thought of another poking around your loved one’s head chills you but you can trust me with this. I’ve felt his soul and that moment you spoke his name, it awakened something. I could see it and I know you could. There is always hope.”

           “They mutilated and tortured my friend.” Steve stopped himself from crying, rubbing his eyes and I came closer to take his arms.

           “James Barnes lives now and you have a chance to get him back. I promise you.” I exhaled and nodded to affirm my words. “I know what it is to be washed out. To have your memories and agency taken by force. Sometimes repeatedly. To be used as a weapon. But, Barnes had absolutely no choice. If I can get near him…I think I can bring him out. It isn’t like what happened to Clint. This man. Bucky. He has been wiped clean. Could be multiple times. It won’t be easy and it’ll be incredibly painful but I know I can do it if we can get him to meet us halfway. I can bring him home. I think I was meant to.”  _I can deliver him._

           “Promise me.”

           “I promise that I will do whatever I can to help him when the time comes. I trust you.” I paused. “And I won’t do it for just you either, I’ll do it for him. Some souls just need a guiding hand is all.”

           “Thank you.” Steve cupped the back of my head and a wave of gratefulness washed over me.

           “Every soul deserves a chance, Steven.” I turned to give him a few minutes to himself.

           “How’s he holding up?” Sam asked quietly when I rejoined the group and Nick was seated into a chair, pulling files from his desk.

           “He mourns. Give him some time to refocus. Captain America is never down for long. Steve Rogers deserves a chance to mourn his fallen friends whenever he needs it.” I took a seat next to him and Natasha came in, rubbing her shoulder. “How is it?”

           “Better,” she adjusted and sat on Sam’s other side before Maria and Steve joined us. Nick picked up a file and scoffed.

           “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said, ‘ _Peace wasn’t an achievement, it was a responsibility.’_  See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues.” Nick dropped a photograph of Pierce on his desk and shook his head, adjust his arm in a sling.

           “We have to stop the launch.” Natasha spoke up.

           “I don’t think the Council’s accepting my calls anymore.” He replied, opening a case with three chips inside.

           “What’s that?” Sam gestured with his chin.

           “Once the Helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they’ll triangulate with Insight satellites becoming fully weaponized.” Maria turned her computer screen around to show us and clasped her hands together.

           “We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own.” Nick explained.

           “One or two won’t cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational a whole lot of people are going to die.” Maria added while the screen showed us the inside of the Helicarrier.

           “We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is Hydra. We need to get past them, insert the server blades, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what’s left…” Nick was cut off by Steve’s voice.

           “We’re not salvaging anything. We’re not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we’re taking down Shield.”

           “Shield had nothing to do with it.” He tried but Steve shook his head.

           “You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. Shield’s been compromised, you’ve said so yourself. Hydra was right under your nose and nobody noticed.” Steve clenched his jaw and I got up to stand next to him.

           “All or nothing. I agree with Steve. Shield used Asgardian tech to build weapons that I’m now certain Hydra has. They tried and failed to obtain two infinity gems. Today will be the start of a long battle, we can’t risk salvaging any piece of them.” I paused and Fury leaned forward.

           “Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave?  _I noticed_.”

           “And how many paid the price before you did?” Steve seethed and I sighed aloud.

           “How many more will pay if it goes on?”

           “Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.” Nick spoke and Steve peered at me so I nodded to affirm Fury's words.

           “Even if you have, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? Shield, Hydra, it all goes.” Steve crossed his arms.

           “He’s right.” Maria added when Nick peered at her and then Natasha and Sam.

           “Don’t look at me. I do what he does, just slower.” Sam shrugged.

           “Well… Looks like you’re giving the orders now, Captain.” Nick gestured and I beamed a little at Steve.

           “Call it, Captain.”

** ** **

           “It’s going to work,” I approached Steve on a metal bridge overlooking the trees. He nodded and peered at me. “We can burn this and rebuild something greater with people we trust in the lead.”

           “Thanks. For sticking with this. You didn’t have to.”

           “I know.” I crossed my arms and came closer. “I do what I can for those I love and trust. And I do love and trust you all.”

           “After my mom died, Bucky…” Steve looked ahead when I joined him, leaning over the rail. “Bucky asked me to move in with him. I told him I could get by on my own…huh. I’ll always remember what he said. He told me perhaps but the thing is that I didn’t have to. That he was with me till the end of the line.”

           “Smart man.” I noted, peering out at the trees. “And a good friend to you. Friends should never follow blindly. Never feel obligated to follow if it hurts them or makes them feel more alone. They follow because they love and believe in you. In themselves. And the things we all can do together. We’re not alone in the world any longer.”

           “…Is that why you’ve been sheltering Loki all this time?  _Ava_.” Steve asked, near silent, and my head snapped to him. I wouldn’t lie.

           “How did you figure it?”

           “A lot of things. The way she spoke. The…appearance of her, as if Loki was too vain to pick a form unlike his own. The way you interacted. You have a key and two rings hidden under your shirt. Last time, it was just the key and one ring. She called me the man out of time. Loki said the same thing when I first met him in that ugly helmet.”

           “It was a terrible helmet. He doesn’t wear it anymore.” I shifted. “Are you going to tell Nick or Natasha?”

           “No.” Steve stepped to me. “No more lies. Am I supposed to be worried at all about this?”

           “Loki is with me. The harsh light beckons but he covets me more than that. He coveted Thor more than that as well. We lost too much and we only want to preserve something new together with something old we shared. Thor doesn’t know yet and we’d like to keep it that way until the time comes.”

           “You didn’t answer the question,” Steve sighed. “Is Loki a threat?”

           “Of course, he is. He always will be. Loki won’t pretend to be the hero and he has no means to be the true villain. He’s lost and destined to stay that way. He just wants some peace of mind. He’s earned that much…or perhaps he hasn’t in your eyes. Does it matter? It’s what he desires right now. It’s what we wanted. I believe in that ideal,” I paused. “I’m a little shocked you don’t see it, Steve.”

           “See what?”

           “Loki is a threat, of course. But, in his pursuits of actual power, he’s fated to fail. He’s an agent of chaos. That’s all he can be. A cruel fate to be trapped on a fence like that as a tool for someone and something greater. But, I’m surprised more so that you don’t realize I’m a bigger threat than Loki will ever be.” I smiled somberly to myself. “That burned him once. Loki won't try anything. Especially not while we're being pursued by greater evils.”

           “I’m not going to tell. I trust you. That’s all I need now.”

           “Thank you, Steve.” I sighed. “He’s not here to be hero or villain. He just wants to live. For a little while. I did tell you that all souls deserve a chance. Few actually take it.”

           “I caught that.” He smirked.

           “You’re observant, Steve. Best you hold onto that.” I paused when Sam came up, spotting us.

           “He’s going to be there, you know?” Sam crossed his arms and Steve lowered his eyes nodding.

           “I know.”

           “Look, whoever he used to be, the guy he is now… I don’t think he’s the kind you save. He’s the kind you stop.” Sam offered carefully.

           “We don’t know that.” I exhaled, peering up at him. “It’s possible that both could be an option. But, Shield and Hydra should be our priority. It won’t be easy.”

           “I don’t know if I could do that.” Steve added, shaking his head. “End him, I mean. I think he saw me.”

           “Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn’t know you, Steve.” Sam frowned.

           “He will.” Steve stood at full height and turned but my quiet words stopped him.

           “Why did Shield have that collared jacket so ready for me? Was that really Hydra?”

           “Could have been standard.”

           “Like that cell they put Loki in? The one built for Bruce Banner? Didn’t take him long to figure that one.” I swallowed and cleared my throat before turning to go with a distant expression. These thoughts would eat me. “No matter. It all goes. No?”

            “Gear up, it’s time.” Steve was going the opposite way as Sam called after him.

           “You going to wear that?”

           “No. If you’re going to fight a war, you got to wear a uniform.”

** ** **

           “It was custom for my buddies and I to get drinks after a battle.” Steve, donning his old uniform, followed Sam, Maria, and I through the woods. In the distance, just over the water, the Triskelion was bathed in sunlight.

           “Rain check,” I adjusted the armored vest under my clothing. “I’d like to take my girl for dinner. I owe it to her.”

           “They’ll want you back at Avengers Tower after this, you know.” Steve walked in stride next to me and I sighed.

           “Yes, I am aware. I’m in popular demand, Captain. I do think we could benefit more from Falcon.” I winked when Sam peered at me to smirk.

           “Offers on the table if we live.” Steve fixed his Shield on his arm and Sam chuckled.

           “ _If we live_ , I’ll think about it.”

           “Can you make it?” Maria turned to me when we came upon the water.

           “Yes, I think so,” I shook out my arms. “I hope you have your speech prepared.”

           “Might wing it.” Steve shrugged and Sam adjusted his wings before lifting after grasping Steve under his arms.

           “Get it, girl.” Maria cocked her head and I nodded before picking her up and flying after Sam. We stayed low under the bridge and soared toward Shield. “Thanks.” She offered. “For this and Fury.”

           “His heart is in the right place. Both of you are too good for this mess. When you rebuild, I find comfort in the fact that you both will be at the helm. Without the likes of Pierce.”

           “Up there,” she pointed and I came next to Sam before we all landed. After we all put in the earpieces Maria had passed out, we shifted up a set of steps before her and Sam drew guns. “There.” Upon her instruction, I ripped a set of cords out of the wall and plugged them in elsewhere. A tech opened the door in question and put up his hands when Steve entered with Maria and Sam at his side.

           “Excuse us.” Steve pulled off his helmet and the rest of the techs cleared out of the way while we took over the computers. Sam ushered the techs into another room and locked the door as Maria set up a microphone and I came to Steve’s side, flipping switches until a noise echoed.

           “You are live.” I put Steve’s hand over a green button and he leaned over, pressing it to speak into the mic.

           “Attention, all Shield agents. This is Steve Rogers. You’ve heard a lot about me over the last few days, some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it’s time you know the truth. Shield is not what we thought it was, it’s been taken over by Hydra. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The Strike and Insight crew are Hydra as well. I don’t know how many more, but I know they’re in the building. They could be standing right next to you… They almost have what they want: absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won’t end there. If you launch those Helicarriers today, Hydra will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way, unless we stop them.” Steve peered at me and I smiled, nodding. “I know I’m asking a lot, but the price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it’s a price I’m willing to pay. And if I’m the only one, then so be it. But I’m willing to bet I’m not.” Steve released the button and came up before Sam shifted forward.

           “Did you really write that down first, or was it off the top of your head?” He joked before the echoing of gunshots sounded around us.

           “Seems like we might have friends, Steve. I wish I could show you their vivid colors.” I jogged out of the room with him and Sam while Maria stayed to monitor the computers. The floor shook before Maria’s voice filled my ear.

           “They’re initiating launch!”

           “This way!” Steve led us off, sprinting now. I could see the ground opening to allow the Helicarriers free in the distance.

           “Hey, Cap, how do we know the good guys from the bad guys?” Sam opened his wings and lifted.

           “If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad!” Steve called before I grabbed him up and flew off. “Drop me there!” Steve brought up his Shield to cover us from a spray of bullets so I let him go. “Cover us.”

           “Got it,” I whizzed between a round of Hydra agents and knocked them all over, a few slipped over a ledge and fell.

           “Hey, Cap, I found those bad guys you were talking about.” Sam was flying up in a spiral to evade the many turrets.

           “You okay?” Steve spoke while he ran below.

           “Not dead yet.” Sam responded.

           “I’m on it,” I swooped down and kicked both my legs into one turret, breaking it from the platform while the first carrier lifted under my feet. I yanked another with my hands and pointed the third and a flock of agents, shooting them down before I broke it free.

           “Better!” Sam called. “Thanks.”

           “Falcon,” Maria asked, “status?”

           “Engaging.” He swooped lower, guns in hand to take out the last few agents on deck.

           “Psyche, status?”

           “I’m with him, coming back down.”

           “Shit,” Sam looked up when a jet soared upward and toward him. Growling, I landed then forced myself to lift and followed them, speeding and pushing my body to go farther. Sam was forced to land when an explosion tossed him down before he jumped and opened his wings again. With a heavy grunt, I smacked down onto the jet as he tried to shoot at it.

           “Eight minutes, Cap.” Maria warned.

           “Working on it.” Steve answered while I punched the glass and peeled the steel back to yank the first pilot out of his seat and send him flying back. The second pulled out a gun so I grabbed his wrist and dodged bullets before jamming his hand and wrapping it in the broken window’s frame, trapping him there so he couldn’t reach the controls. The plane soared down and I let go. My body flew backwards before Sam caught me, both of us breathing heavier.

           “You okay?” He watched my press a hand to my stomach.

           “Never better.” I chuckled. “Still need to work on my flight time.”

           “I think you get a free pass this time.”

           “Alpha locked,” Steve interrupted us.

           “Falcon, where are you?”

           “Had to take a detour!” He called over the air. A second jet engaged, chasing us. “Hold on!” I got my arms around his neck when mini missiles launched from it, spiraling toward us while Sam dodged them. I lifted my hand and blasted a few away toward the Helicarrier instead. “I’m going to drop you for a moment!” We glided toward the glass bubble of the underside of a carrier. “Now!” I spread my arms out and dropped, trying to slow myself and fly again while Sam’s wings came in last minute so he could curl up and drop. The jet blasted itself into the Helicarrier, opening up an entrance for us. Sam’s wings spread before he got his arms around me and I turned us to use a ward to Shield our bodies from debris. “Not bad.”

           “And yourself,” I mused. We flew up and into the Helicarrier, landing. “We’re in!” I told the others, plugging the second ship in. Sam smacked the button to close it before we moved to go.

           “Bravo locked!” Sam called, touching his earpiece.

           “I got it,” I nodded and swallowed, gathering my strength before I lifted and he jumped over the side to glide off.

           “Two down, one to go.” Maria sounded when I came down to land upon the Triskelion.

           “Fury’s landing,” I spoke, waving to him in the helicopter after I made sure it was safe. “I got his back and I’m taking my earpiece out.”

           “He’s here.” Steve interrupted. “I see him….Bucky.” I could hear explosions in the back.

           “Steve, I’m coming.”

           “No! Stick to the plan. Cover me later. You understand?”

           “Steve.” I pleaded and he spoke my name.

           “I can handle this for now. I have to face him alone. Cover me when the time comes.”

           “I will.” I dropped my earpiece and crushed it under my foot before jumping down to join Fury’s side, smirking when Pierce caught my gaze through the window. One of the council members held him at gunpoint while Natasha worked away on a computer.

           “Did you get my flowers?” He regarded Fury first as we entered and I posted myself next to the window. “I’m glad you’re here, Nick. You don’t need a bodyguard.”

           “Really? Cause I thought you had me killed.” Nick responded coldly. Natasha and I shared brief glances.

           “You know how the game works.”

           “So why make me head of Shield?” Nick stood tall with his arm in a sling.

           “Cause you’re the best and the most ruthless person I ever met.” Pierce kept his arms up.

           “I did what I did to protect people.” Nick came forward.

           “Our enemies are your enemies, Nick. Disorder, war. It’s just a matter of time before a dirty bomb goes off in Moscow, or an EMP fries Chicago. Diplomacy? Holding action…a band-aid. And you know where I learned that; Bogota. You didn’t ask, you just did what had to be done. I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million. It’s the next step, Nick, if you have the courage to take it.”

           “No, I have the courage not to.”

           “Do you?” Pierce turned to face me. “I’ve seen your footage. Violent stuff. We all watched it. They’re wasting you. But, we won’t.”

           “You’ll never have me.” I replied without emotion and he tried not to smile.

           “Retinal scanner active.” A computer cut and Nick forced Pierce into place.

           “You don’t you think we wiped your clearance from the system?” He cocked his head.

           “I know you erased my password, probably deleted my retinal scan, but if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary…” Nick pulled his eyepatch up to show his scarred, damaged eye. “You need to keep both eyes open.” They took a moment to scan both their eyes while Natasha held a gun to Pierce and the computer droned on.

           “Alpha Level confirmed. Encryption code accepted. Safeguards removed.” The glass screens loaded and I watched Natasha’s chest heave for air as I stepped toward them. “Transfer completed.”

           “Done.” Natasha peered at her phone. “And it’s trending.” Every dirty Shield and Hydra secret in reach was out into the world. I regard Natasha with a soft expression and nodded. She was truly brave. Something clicked and the council members’ pins sparked and burned, causing them to drop to the floor before Natasha and Nick pulled out guns while I came forward but Pierce held the remote to Natasha and smirked at me.

           “Unless you want two inch hole in your sternum, I’d put that gun down.” He looked back at Natasha and she dropped it after a moment, Nick lowered his as well. “That was armed the moment you pinned it on.”

           “You think I won’t get to you before you can trigger that?” I had my hands up and he turned to eye me again.

           “Is your need to kill me more important than your friend’s life, outsider? A mere human. Back off.” When I looked at my friends and shifted back, Pierce chuckled. “Show me your palm.” With a hard expression, I flexed my fingers and gave him a full view of the gem’s scar. “Marvelous. And to think it was inches from our grasp. But, we’ll have you now. We won’t need it. You think Shield or the Avengers were ever on your side? You don’t belong here. Or anywhere. Even they knew that much. You're just a weapon. A means to an end. Ask them when you figure it out.”

           “This is more my land than yours, you betrayed it.” I growled out to edge off the sting of his words.

           “Just wait.” He narrowed his eyes and turned. “Now you all can watch Hydra save the world. A few million at a time.” He picked up the gun and went to the computer. “Lieutenant, how much longer?”

           “Sixty-five seconds to satellite link. Target reengaged. Lowering weapons array now.” Came a reply and I watched the computer dot with thousands of targets.  _Come on, Steve._  I thought, fists crushing while I watched Pierce. I wanted so badly to fill his soul with pain. I wanted to do it without touching him. I wanted him to scream and fall to his knees under my will. But, that was an impossible dream. So I thought at the time. The targets were popping up all over the area, computers shifted while they locked. “Targets saturation reached. All targets assigned.”

           “Fire when ready.” Pierce spoke and lifted the remote when I stepped forward.

           “Firing in, three, two, one…” In an instant, every red target disappeared while it was overridden and my shoulders dropped, breath leaving my throat again. The targets appeared again before firing launched and the Helicarriers blasted turrets into each other. Pierce was noticeably furious but he kept calm.

           “What a waste.”

           “Are you still on the fence about Roger’s chances?” Natasha smirked and I crossed my arms.

           “Your day just isn’t looking up.”

           “Time to go, Councilwoman. This way, come on. You’re going to fly me out of here.” Pierce shoved his gun into her back and ushered her away.

           “She isn’t going with you.” I stepped in front of her and he held the remote steady. Natasha subtly pulled something out of her pocket while Nick was forced to stand back.

           “You’re coming as well. When we get in the chopper, you’re going to plunge a sedative into your body and wake on Hydra’s operating table. Unless, you want me to fry Agent Romanoff.”

           “You know, there was a time I would have taken a bullet for you.” Nick distracted Pierce and I nodded at Natasha.

           “You already did. You will again when…” He trailed off as Natasha activated one of her widow’s bites, electrocuting herself before she fell into me so I could rip the pin from her fully. The sting channeled up my body. I settled my hand on the back of her neck to absorb her pain while I cried out. Two gunshots went off before Pierce flew backwards into the glass, shattering it and going still while he bled out. Natasha went limp in my arms and I heaved for air when the shock ceased.

           “Remind me to never upset you.” I caught my breath and Natasha’s eyes were closed. “Natasha?”

           “Romanoff!” Nick came down to my side and shook her shoulder. “Natasha! Natasha, come on!”

           “Ow... Those really do sting.” She got up with Nick’s help and he grabbed for me after.

           “You’re telling me.” I rubbed my side and stretched my spine, glancing at Pierce.

           “Hail…Hydra.” Came his last breaths before his soul emptied.

           “He’s gone.” I swallowed, eyes on his body. “There will be others.”

           “We’ll get to them in time.” Nick touched my shoulder. “Let’s go.” We raced back to his chopper while Natasha changed into her suit and settled a headset over her hair. Nick flew us off and she took my arm.

           “Focus, can you see them?”

           “I…” My eyes shut and my head spun. “Sam. He needs us.”

           “Sam, where are you!” Natasha shouted. The Helicarriers came crashing down into the building.

           “Up that way!” I leaned next to Nick and pointed while he brought us higher. “I can grab him.” A Helicarrier was caving into the side of the building so Nick angled the chopper at the same time Sam jumped out. I lunged up and caught him before we both crashed back inside and he rolled off me.

           “41st floor! 41st!” Sam shouted, holding onto a rope to steady himself as we all flew off.

           “It’s not like they put the floor numbers on the outside of the building!” Nick called back.

           “Hill, where’s Steve? You got a location on Rogers?” Natasha asked before she looked to me and I lied, honoring his words.

           “I can’t see him yet!” I held to a bar and leaned out the side while explosions shook the earth below. “I’ll go look.” I let myself fall out before they could protest, spiraling under them to fly along the water. I forced myself to expand again as I dodged the falling fire and debris crashing into the ocean before I came upon a shore and landed to see Barnes drop Steve upon the sand. Steve coughed up water but didn’t wake, bleeding and bruised. The former Winter Soldier lifted his eyes to mine and made no move to attack. For a beat, we stared at each other. I saw colors burst within his soul and flare up like the waves crashing into the shore. Millions of new sensations connected between us but neither found words. It became too much for him. “Wait.” I stopped his tracks before he could run off, looking like a wet, wounded animal while he held his broken arm to his stomach. “You are frightened… James.”

           “Get away from me.” He bared his teeth and backed up, I set my hands out in response. 

           “You saved him. You remember this man? Your friend?” I paused when he stepped back again. “It’s alright. I’m a friend too. They told you about me, I’m sure. They told you to stay away because I can help you…” I watched him flicker crystalline eyes to me. “I can help you when you are ready for it. You are lost and confused and in pain. It doesn’t have to be that way.” I dropped my arms. “No, you’re not ready for it…are you? I can see that much…and I’m sorry. Go to the Smithsonian when you are ready to begin at least. There are flickers of truth there. Perhaps, I will find you another time.” I chuckled, breathless. “Perhaps, you and your curiosity will find me instead first.” I paused and came to Steve’s side, dropping to my knees. “Well? Get out of here before they find you. I’ll lie for you. I’ll lie because at the moment, I think that’s the right thing. None of this is your fault. Take care of yourself, James.” I smiled softly at him and lowered my eyes to Steve. “Go.” When I looked up again, Bucky Barnes was gone. “Steve?” I took his face and tried to heal a few bruises with what my power would allow.

           “He knew me,” Steve coughed and cracked his eyes open, grabbing at my arms. “Bucky.”

           “I’m sure,” I touched Steve’s head. “Rest now, my friend. We’ve a long way to go.” Behind me, I felt Nerien running his clawed fingers down my scalp and exhaled against the cold air. “I can see his colors. Finally.” I soothed the pain Steve was in and heard the helicopter flying overhead. “Rest well, Steve.” Under my influence, Steve’s eyes rolled back before he fell unconscious and I stood with his body in my arms. Energy sparked against the sky to signal my friends and I cradled Steve to me while his chest rose and fell. “Hydra won’t have any of us ever again. We can ensure this. We won this day and now another will come.”

** ** **

           Another day passed, I sat opposite Sam in Steve’s hospital room. Footage of Natasha at the government hearing played above us. They’d grilled me for my story and I told them most of it. Any Shield or Hydra file had vanished or been released to the public so they had nothing on me for the time being. But, I knew returning to New York would bring more risks. I hoped Loki would understand.

           “Why haven’t we heard yet from Captain Rogers?” A committee member asked while photographers flashed.

           “I don’t know what’s left for him to say. I think the rock in the middle of the Potomac made his point fairly eloquently. When he wakes, I’m certain he’ll tell you everything you’ve heard.” Natasha replied, perfect and composed.

           “Well, he could explain how this country’s expected to maintain its national security now that he and you have laid waste our intelligence apparatus. And that dangerous Asgardian has been on Earth for-”

           “Psyche knows where her loyalty is.” Natasha cut over him. “And now the world does. Hydra was selling you lies, not intelligence.”

           “Many of which you seem to have had a personal hand in telling.”

           “Agent, you should know that there are some on this committee who feel, given your service record, both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill.” Another member had added and Natasha didn’t falter.

           “You’re not going to put me in a prison. You’re not going to put any of us in a prison. You know why?”

           “Do enlighten us.”

           “Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we’re also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You’ll know where to find me.” Natasha stood as photos flashed brighter before she walked out and I turned the television off.

           “Our girl looked good up there. Should be back soon.” I shrugged and leaned my elbow on Steve’s bed to watch him breath. “Turn that music back up.”

           “What’s next for you after the funeral?” Sam set his paper down.

           “A long nap with the person I love.” I sighed. “Not sure what after. I’m out in the world. Might keep living in it as best I know how. I still wish to help and it’s likely I’ll be called into Avengers Tower. But, now I don’t have to hide in shadows while I assist.”

           “Not going back to Asgard?”

           “No,” I smiled to myself. “Not for a long while now. I have unfinished business with this realm. What about you after this?”

           “Ah, I think I would not mind standing next to Captain America and company for a bit longer. We all had a good thing going.”

           “Yes, we did. World’s much better with you in it, Sam Wilson.”

           “Me and my lovely soul?” He laughed and I followed, nodding.

           “You and your lovely soul.” I smiled while he scanned a newspaper and Steve inhaled sharply, eyes lifting before he peered at Sam and croaked.

           “On your left.” He got Sam to glance back at him and smile fully.

           “Good to have you back, Steve.” I touched his arm and felt a speck of ease among the longing.

           “You’re not going to eat any magic stones, are you now?”

           “Eh, I try not to make that a habit after battle. Not hungry at the moment either.” I got up and kissed his cheek before I rounded the bed to kiss Sam’s after. “I’ll retrieve a doctor.”

           “She’s technically a goddess. A goddess kissed me.” Sam pointed and I snickered to myself as I walked out.

           “He’s awake. Talking too. If you don’t rush, he’ll try to get up.” I warned and three doctors hurried into Steve’s room.

           “Hey,” Natasha rounded a corner and I grinned. “Someone cornered me after the hearing and demanded I tell her where you are.”

           “…Oh?” I tilted my head before Loki came flying around the corner. Heels clicked loudly and my exhale trembled when I ran toward her. She jumped into my arms and we smacked against a wall while she kissed me, feeling of hope and fury.

           “How could you wait so long before you came to find me?” She pushed at me and I kissed her again. “Stupid girl. I hate you.” She was crying between kisses while I set her down.

           “They held me for questioning.” I took her face to wipe her tears. “I’m sorry, I love you.”

           “I love you,” she pressed a harder kiss against me and Natasha passed, laughing to herself.

           “Get a room, ladies.”

           “You know," I began, "I think I have a conversation that I’ve neglected and-”

           “Ugh, just go. Be there at five.” Natasha crossed her arms, cutting over me before I leaned in to kiss her cheek while Loki tugged me off.

           “He’s awake, Tasha,” I called as I went. “I’ll see you all later today.”

           “Don’t be late.” She smirked wider and waved as Loki ushered me from the hospital and into our car.

           “I see you and the news hours before we are reunited!” Loki shouted.

           “Well, I couldn’t sneak off while they asked for my story thirty times!” Came my retort. “This government is as unorganized as Asgard’s.”

           “I’m in our room thinking you died when I see you on television!” She turned a quick corner.

           “I couldn’t bring you back into it, ah, Steve knows. He guessed who you were.”

           “He, _what?!”_ Loki hit the brakes at a stoplight.

           “He won’t tell, I assured him that-”

           “He hates me!”

           “He trusts me more than that!” I paused, shrugging. “I think…”

           “Ugh,” Loki huffed and fell deeper into her seat. “How long before the others find out?”

           “Well, you made it sort of obvious that it was you. You’re just so beautiful, darling.” I winked and she grumbled something while I came to kiss at her neck. “Hm?”

           “I hate you right now.” She fumed. “Keep kissing my neck.”

           “I owe you for all of this…I won’t soon forget it. We'll keep the secret as long as we dare. But, things have changed. I'm not certain if I can keep you hidden much longer. Once the threat is imminent... We must move forward. Never back.”

           “It was the right thing. I’m still here because I want to be. I trust you,” she sighed, parking at our hotel. We went up the back way and I flew her to our room so we were unnoticed. “How much time do we have?” I felt Loki eyes in the dim light before she closed the curtains.

           “Like seven hours.”

           “Won’t be enough, but I’ll do my best.” Loki grabbed for me and yanked my shirt open. Buttons flew before I was knocked into bed.

           “Loki!” I gasped while she tugged and ripped open my tights under my skirt, shedding her own clothing with magic. “We can’t destroy this room.”

           “No fun at all.” Her face dipped between my legs and I arched up.

           “Soundproof…the room. I’m-” I cut over with a loud curse and she chuckled, adjusting her legs around mine so she could rub against me.

           “You’ll, what…scream?” She bucked, moaning when pleasure filled her before I squirmed to meet her thrusts. “Let the mortals know how gods play. How I make you feel.” My fingers tore at the pillow while she worked herself against me.

           “Easy,” I laughed, breathless as she drove her sensitive body to its peak. “You are beautiful…” My sincerity filled her with emotion before she closed her eyes and let my hands run up and down her skin. I palmed her breasts and scratched my nails along her thighs until she cried out and climaxed. Loki fell against me and we held each other before I kissed her cheek. “Forgive me? You don’t have to just yet.” Loki kissed my lips and slid down my body to pleasure me with her mouth, hands crushed against my thighs to spread them open. My body quivered with pleasure while I laid back to enjoy it fully, eyes closing. Loki worked her tongue and thumb against my clit, rubbing harder circles so I moaned out. Grasping for anything, I shoved a pillow against my lips and screamed into it, biting as I came hard against her. Fingers slipped inside me to pump and draw out my climax until I was writhing and shaking erratically. A kiss drew between my legs, causing me to shudder before Loki laid out next to me and sighed. “ _Oh_ …I hate you.”

           “I love you.” She smirked and draped along my body when I opened my arms for her. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

           “Not sure…if I have a choice there. I do love you as well.” I yawned and closed my eyes while Loki buried her face into my neck. Sleep took me away and this time, I embrace it in full.

** ** **

           “Walking already?” I shifted across the graveyard with a bouquet of white roses to join Sam and Steve. “You look well.”

           “You look…rested. Guess she forgave you.” Steve eyed the marks on my neck.

           “Didn’t go down easily,” I winked and Sam snorted while I lowered the flowers onto Nick Fury’s grave. He joined us as I stood taller. “Pity.”

           “So, you’ve experienced this sort of thing before?” Nick addressed Steve first, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket.

           “You get used to it.” Steve shrugged.

           “We’ve been data-mining Hydra’s files. Looks like a lot of rats didn’t go down with the ship. I’m heading to Europe tonight, wanted to ask if you’d come.” He peered at us but I shook my head.

           “Something tells me I’m needed elsewhere at the moment. Do come to me if you discover anything on Thor and I that should be known to us or otherwise kept off the grid.” I uncrossed my arms and touched his shoulder. “Take care, Nick Fury. Don’t die for real anytime soon, yeah?”

           “I’ll take my chances.”

           “There’s something I got to do first too.” Steve added when I let Nick go.

           “How about you, Wilson? I could use a man with your abilities.”

           “I’m more of a soldier than a spy.” Sam shrugged.

           “Alright then. Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here.” Nick pointed to his gravestone and made an exit as Natasha crossed to us.

           “You should be honored, that’s about as close as he gets to saying thank you.” She smiled, face brightening.

           “Not going with him?” I asked.

           “No.”

           “Staying here, really?” Steve wondered then and she shrugged.

           “I blew all my covers. I got to go figure out a new one.”

           “That might take a while.” Steve paused when she pulled out a file.

           “I’m counting on it. I’ll be back to the Tower soon. That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev.” Natasha paused. “Do me a favor. Call Sharon? She’s great.” Steve huffed and nodded after a moment before she kissed his cheek. “I need to get going.”

           “I do as well. Ava’s eager to get back.” I cocked my head toward the car in the distance. “I’m certain I’ll be seeing you all around Avengers Tower now though. Perhaps much sooner than later.”

           “Tony called me already. Said he’d have coffee ready when you arrived. He was somewhat salty.”

           “Certain as well, is he?” I hugged Steve and Sam before I embraced Natasha. “Take care, my friends. Until we meet again.” I waved slightly while Natasha nodded and turned to Steve.

           “Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread.” She offered before going and I cast Steve a final look, smiling at him.

           “When you yank it…you’ll know where to find me. I'll keep an eye out as well.”

           “Thank you,” Steve spoke my name with a light smile and Sam waved after me.

           “See you around.”

           “Bye, Sam.” I turned and went off toward the car, sliding into the passenger seat before I kissed Loki. “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

           “Glad to oblige.” She applied a fresh coat of pink lipstick in the mirror and grinned. “I’m certain Naaki has given that mortal girl a good run.”

** ** **

           “She wasn’t any trouble?” I kissed Naaki’s face while she pawed at me. Mary Jane smiled in response at that.

           “She’s…different. One day, she did bring a dead rat in and I told her to take it outside. She…did without hesitating and ate on the roof just outside my window.”

           “Yes, I should have warned you about that.” I beamed. “Sorry.”

           “I liked helping. I’ll see you more after this…right?”

           “Certainly.” I turned and she led me to her front porch. “Thanks again.” Mary Jane opened her door just as a young man raced up the steps and skidded to a stop when he saw me.

           “You’re…wow… Oh, no.”

           “Spider-Man. Pleased to meet you.” I held out my hand and he looked awed but shook it. A young soul learning from pain and still very willing. “Not to worry, I won’t betray you. That’s tacky.”

           “About the picture…I honestly didn’t know it was you at first. It dawned on me much later after Tony Stark saw it.”

           “It’s fine. I think it worked out.” I paused and pointed to my new friend. “This lady, your girlfriend…Mary Jane. She’s fantastic. Be good to each other.” I smiled and he grinned sheepishly.

           “Yes, she is. Maybe…we’ll fight together, huh?”

           “Maybe. School work first for you, young man.” I laughed, shaking my head. “You should keep your friends close, Peter Parker. There is one who misses you. Perhaps, I’ll see you around the tower when I arrive back.”

           “…Harry?” Peter stopped me as I walked off.

           “He wouldn’t remember me…and perhaps, it isn’t my place. But, you both should go to him. Friends must to stick together when they can, especially when the world is against them. Farewell, for now.” I moved down the steps and heard Peter whisper, causing me to smirk on my way back to the car.

           “…What did I miss…?”

           “Naaki.” Loki smiled when I got in. “You ugly, precious little cat.” Naaki purred and curled into my lap so I sighed. “We have to move again, don’t we?”

           “Maybe we can get a place more in the city?” I winked and she shot me a look, eyes rolling.

           “I've already found us one in your absence. You'll enjoy it. This won’t bode well for me, you know.”

           “It’s not boding well for either of us at the moment.” I watched her begin to drive off. “That’s never stopped us before.”

           “No,” Loki smiled at me, shifting into his usual form before he shifted back into Ava. My scars tugged when my grin beamed brighter in response. Our hands clasped together as we went forth into a new adventure. “No, it hasn’t.”

** ** **

           Across the galaxy, a titan among men lingered to eye his newest pawns.

           “Cut off one head, two more will grow.” His voice vibrated off the stars before he smiled, unpleasantly so. “They will do. For now.”

           “Them?” The Other hissed from his side. “They are weak.”

           “We’ll make them strong and dispose of them when I’m finished. Mortals fall so easily. They have a piece I need.”

           “The scepter has been dead for a long time. The girl hid any trace of the mind gem. Too deep to touch.”

           “Not when they’re through with it...and I am not through with her. So as long as she lives in ignorance of the final piece within her supposed abilities. The fallen star behind her eyes. The mind gem chose well. She will figure it when it is too late.” Thanos stood from his throne and descended, mighty and alight with hunger. “Ensure they get our message. When all have bowed…I will come and the girl who death forgot will remember what it is to be courted by me. My new gauntlet. Brought to her knees. All of them will pay this time.”

           “It shall be done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the Lady has a very special bond each of her mortal friends that'll only grow. This phase will very much be about taking time to build them up both as friends and as a team while the world changes. Also, it's not so much about the impending battle with Thanos but more so turning him into a actual terrifying force; who will change the entire game down the line. It's funny, when I wrote this forever ago, I almost ended it at Dark World but a few things kept me going. Winter Soldier was one and I wanted to put together the marvel verse with a lot of supers. The Amazing Spider-Man was another because those are my guilty pleasure. Oh, did I have big plans for Harry Osborn's role in this fic. There are other reasons but it would spoil too much. Let's just say, I wrote a scene that actually occurs way down the line of this phase that marks a turning point for The Lady with a certain big villain that isn't Thanos. That caused me to reflect and keep it going because the journey felt so unfinished and I am self indulgent. :) More to come!


	31. The Autopsy of Psyche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next were one prompt but, I split them. Starter friendship/team build up featuring Thanos plotting and being rude in the background. Avengers collide fully with other supers and a few mutants. The Lady goes forth into the mortal world again after the fall of Sheild with Loki trying to hide himself still. A new villain appears.  
> ***Major Explicit Warning for torture scene/detailed gore/violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Raimi Spider-Man universe and TASM universe collide :) ((sorry to mcu spidey fans)) Also, X-Men ahoy and new villain !!

            “Do I look okay?” I put my hand on my hips while Loki crunched some popcorn, not happy at all.

           “I have you for all of two weeks before…” he huffed and turned his gaze. “We’re still packing and you wish to go out and reunite with friends.”

           “I’d take Ava, but if Steve figured it out, it won’t be long before the rest do…and I had to call them first before they came here and saw you in your underwear watching television. I told them I needed some time to get my affairs in order, but they want me in today. You don’t desire them near our house so let me go make an appearance. I know this is fast but I need to go before anyone shows up by surprise.”

           “Naaki, tell your mother she’s not being fair.” Loki curled his legs up to the couch and the cat yawned next to him.

           “You’re pouting.” I came over to steal some popcorn but he held the bowl out of reach. “Now  _that_ isn’t fair.” I chuckled and moved to sit next to him. “Avengers Tower awaits me. We’ll be moved out of here in a mere few days. I’d love to bring you as you are in your grumpy pajamas but they won’t take to that.” Loki huffed again and offered me the bowl so I took a few pieces and chewed.  “After what happened, tensions are still up. I can’t just disappear again…even if I wanted to.” I let my head fall to Loki’s shoulder and he peered down on me. “I know this isn’t fair to you. I do.”

           “I’m not trying to add more stress to you and I know you’re not trying to do the same to me. Don’t get rid of your phone this time and be careful out there.” Loki paused. “Let’s marry again.”

           “Maybe we should wait until Thor can come this time.” I moved up to kiss Loki and he leaned in to draw it out longer, sighing when I pulled away. He touched my hair and smoothing his fingers down the curls before tucking some behind my ear.

           “I half expect to find them at a stark points some days,” he traced the curve of my ear and took my chin between two fingers. “But, no, he gave you a different attribute. Show them to me.” Inhaling sharply, I blinked at Loki and the pupils of my eyes spread to cover them while I felt his emotions full force.  _Ah, envy._  Nerien uttered.  _How very nostalgic._  Soft gold light traced along my hidden irises and Loki cocked his head to see flickers of the mind gem. His thumb smoothed from my chin up the faded scar on my cheek.

           “You shouldn’t be more jealous of the dead than you are of the living.” I observed quietly and something twinged in his heart all the way to mine. The gold glowed brighter and turned a starker shade of orange in the mirror behind him before they went back. “You feel almost mortal.”

           “Keep your own advice.” Loki was gentle, leaning in to make his point before reclining. “He gave you his eyes and still you don’t see him for what he was.”

           “He gave me a lot more than that.” I allowed my eyes to return to normal and pulled from Loki’s grasp. It was the first time I could have mistaken his soul for Thor’s, the way the colors wrung together like fists until dull nails broke skin. When I took to Odin’s side before Asgard in place of two princes. They both knew it was their right by bond. But, I took that away.

            _Did they ever deserve it?_  I could hear the guttural utters of Elise’s brother. Rolf, with his vocal cords ripped apart, always stared into my eyes.  _No, but you…you ravage justice like a disease._

           “Don’t I know it?” Loki’s tone brought me reeling back to his side when I stood and paused to face him.

           “I don’t think you do actually.” I was not unkind in my words and Loki stared up at me. “How much agony do you think I inflict, Loki? Take a guess, clever prince.”

           “When?” He swallowed, chest lifting.

           “When I tear a soul from a body.” I didn’t miss a beat, lifting my hand to show him my scarred palm so he could watch the gold light flutter up my skin in a hush. “That’s what I do…is it not? You’re smart. I deliver the pain…” I closed my fingers together, mind drifting far afield. “…and absorb them. Their very soul…the only valuable thing they have in death. I can take that away. I can think of nothing more evil. You know it makes me ache and it makes me stronger. You know it’s the key.”

           “Yes.” Loki paused, smiling like the sun could have exploded in his face. “I imagine it’s the worst pain in the world, sweetheart. Worse than heartbreak and loss and scorched earth. I bet you’re able to stitch up every single fear and agony a person has felt and could feel. They hide and settle but you drag them, kicking and screaming and perfectly  _docile_. All at once. I bet they feel it everlasting and the only possible solace are those hungry eyes you have. It’s a punchline, dear wife. All you’ve ever wanted to do in the eons I’ve known you is inspire hope…and yet, you alone have the power to take that away. Totally. Completely. The flesh cries and pleads but the soul submits. And you’re left intoxicated.”

           My lips parted, trembling.

           My mother promised she loved me still in my brain.

           I didn’t submit.

           “I thought so as well.” I looked at the floorboards while Loki stared before I continued. “Nerien gave me his soul willingly and I have to see and hear him every day because of it. The rest…they just vanish into nothingness while I reap the pain and benefit. It’s the only way to kill a soul for good. No more flesh to invade. No place to go. I hear the cries of souls I’ve touched but I gate them out as best I can. They shrivel up in my heart and give rise to every sense and flicker of power in my veins. And still I am starving to devour more. Nothing will quell my hunger. I want to be strong again without the stone’s body at heart and I know I can. It’s the knowing that makes it hurt worse.” Loki’s lips quivered before he sniffed and leaned toward me, whispering in a hard tone.

           “And you still think Nerien was the  _good guy_?” Loki scoffed when I didn’t answer. “Of course you do. He’s in your head…it doesn’t matter if he’s the monster…you love him so.”

           “Loki-”

           “I am not judging. Not there at least. I understand what it is to an extent. It won’t take away my jealousy and borderline feelings of him. Maybe he did the right thing and maybe you did as well. I simply worry that this attachment is-”

           “Romanticized?” My eyebrows lifted and Loki pressed his lips. “Do I really romanticize one powerful being after another? Does it matter?”

           “It matters to  _me_.” He noted.

           “I’m a monster and you love me no less.” I countered and his chest heaved. “So is Thor. Golden as he might be. Odin is one as well. Frigga…the most powerful of them. And I romanticized her for so many years until you fell from that bifrost. You’re not an Asgardian in blood and your own homeland thinks you’re deformed. Did these thoughts matter when Thor took you in his arms and told you he loved you? When Frigga smiled with such affection and taught you the ways of magic? When Odin beamed with pride and touched your face like you were his forever? I’ve touched these moments and I prayed that they were my own…that I might keep them. But, they belonged to you.”

           Loki had no words. So I found some.

           “So, of course not. Asgardians are savage and somehow above this universe at the same time. We seek glory in blood and create bonds that are everlasting. It’d be easier for us to slip into the most primal nature that our people began with, but we don’t. Thor’s the only one to touch it on occasion. We try so to make it better. The most powerful and dangerous of monsters, Loki, are the ones who still hope.” I paused, eyes flickering to Nerien, standing so tall like stone behind Loki. “Nerien opened my world to that and I can never go back. He also gave me a power that caused me to comprise aspects of myself that I loved and I wake hating him for it. Every day I wake with hatred and isolation because I cannot make others see in the way I desire to. And I can’t fix my mind the way I meld others so effortlessly. But, every day it fades into wonder and anger and hope. And love. But, don’t presume to believe I’d ever love him more than you. We gave each other the means to be ourselves. Finally. You think that you would ever be happy on a cold, powerful throne here while I marry Thor in Asgard and become his queen?  _Horseshit_. Even if I steal a million more souls and even if you claw for your empty kingship. It’ll end the same way for us.”

           “There’s my girl.” He gazed with large eyes I could see myself in when my lips upturned.

           “You don’t have to sit on a throne to be a king. I, likewise, don’t have to be married to one to be a queen.” I sighed and watched him. “So kiss me goodbye and tell me you love me.”

           “I do,” Loki drew up from the couch and kissed my lips, hands sliding over me as he passed. “I do love you… Enjoy the humans, while we can.”

           “I should go now. They’ll be expecting me soon. I love you. Behave for Naaki.” I winked and put on a coat, pocketing my wallet.

           “If I must.” Loki’s back was turned while he waved toward me and got himself a glass of water. The door locked with Loki’s magic behind me when I jogged down the steps toward my car. It was a cold, grey day out so I closed my jacket and turned on some warm air before I took off. I drove to a parking garage and took the elevator to the top, pacing along the roof while the breeze kissed my face. Avengers Tower stood tall in the distance and for a moment I remembered the way Loki stood atop it with sun illuminating his form. Exposing his nerves to the world. I recalled plucking them until he came to his knees. Stepping up onto the edge, I exhaled at the same time I fell forward without a thought. Red light surged around my limbs before I curved upward across the city so far below me. I came to land on the platform in front of the glass doors Loki was once tossed through. The entire bar area and walls were repaired with the exception of the imprint his body left and his mounted helm incased in glass. My smirk suppressed itself.

           “Welcome back, Miss Psyche.” A voice called through a speaker before I clicked the door open with magic.

           “Jarvis. Is Tony here?”

           “Indeed, he’s been notified of your arrival.”

           “Wonderful.” I idly rounded the bar and searched though the top shelf alcohol until I found some whiskey and poured two glasses. The elevator doors opened behind me and I didn’t turn.

           “Are Asgardians above knocking on front doors?” Tony’s tone made me smile while I slid into a seat behind the bar.

           “We always arrive in style. You’ve known Thor long enough to be aware of this I trust?”

           “Big guy singed the floor last time.” Tony came around the bar with a smirk and haunted eyes framed by dark circles. “Better than blasting through the walls and floors  _I guess_.” Without words, I used magic to slide his drink over and he huffed at me but downed it after we clicked glasses.

           “It’s been too long, Anthony.” I winked at his expression. “You look troubled.”

           “You spent years here and didn’t think to visit. I find that a little, you know,  _mean_?” He shrugged, head cocking. “And when you do, you go hang out with Steve and Natasha. Let’s not care what Tony thinks.” I snickered at him, lips pressing.

           “Things moved too quick and it appeared your life was hectic enough… Takes me back. Being here, I’ll admit,” I sighed and crossed my arms when he took a seat across from me and grabbed the bottle to pour himself another drink. “Work keep you busy here?”

           “He practically lives here, madam.” Jarvis intervened and I quirked up my brow.

           “You know,” Tony ignored him, “I didn’t really like the government knocking on my door to question me after what you all did. Without me.”

           “I didn’t like finding out Shield was poisoned with Nazis.”

           “Point taken.” Tony blinked, setting his glass down.

           “I heard you and Clint looked for me. Thank you.” I moved my empty glass aside and he exhaled through his nose.

           “How’s Rogers?”

           “As troubled as I can see you are.” I tried to brighten him. “I’ve met the Spider-Man. Such a young man. Turns out he’s the reason you found me in the first place. Did our undead Nick Fury tell you everything?”

           “His version. Dead men tell no tales.” He looked at me like I was supposed to understand his reference before he huffed and drank. “Right, I forgot.  _Alien_.” I chuckled at that. Tony’s glass clicked when he put it down after the last sip, his fingers drummed with what I thought were nerves. “With what happened, most of us are laying low. Romanoff is back after disappearing for two weeks. So are Banner and Wilson now. Nice guy, won’t let me get near his wings yet.”

           “Sam’s here?” I perked up and let myself expand. “Ah. There he is. Quality soul.” Tony’s felt like white noise so I pulled back.

           “Rogers said he’d be here eventually and Barton is on his way.”

           “You’re guilty.” I deduced when his eyes slid away and snapped back. “You blame yourself as well for not seeing it and you gave pointers toward the new Helicarriers technology and that grieves you because you wanted to leave creating weapons behind. You miss Steve as well. But, you bury yourself in new suits to toughen your own skin.” Tony drank from a water bottle and sucked in one of his cheeks to bite it briefly before he spoke.

           “Anyone ever tell you that’s really damn annoying?” He stared at me before I smiled and he followed, half teeth.

           “Not to my face.” I stood up, energized somehow. “I've missed you. The tower looks well. Show me around.”

           “You broke in and drank my alcohol, kiddo.” Tony muttered while I pressed the button for the elevator. “Have you seen Thor?”

           “No, I’m still on holiday from Asgard. They don’t know where exactly I am.” I crossed my arms and he shot me a look. “Did you catch me on the television?”

           “Out doing good in secret and you still managed to not impress people.”

           “It’s a living, Tony. I’m certain you understand. Apparently I grew fangs too, don’t forgot that.”

           “Still eating mythical stones?”

           “Now you sound like Steve. No, I have a fondness of sushi and French fries these days. Not…all at once. Recently, I tried dim sum and that tasted miles better than the mind stone.” I joked as we went down. “You have not been the same since the portal.”

           “No one has,” he replied dismissively.

           “You kept that imprint in the floor up top but fixed everything else.”

           “I like to lie in it when I’m feeling down about myself… Look at you, fitting in with mere mortals. I remember when you had your first slice of pizza and watched T.V. Growing up so fast.” Tony pressed his lips with a smirk and I smiled slightly in response. He looked ahead and sighed outwardly. “Might have a party with most of the gang back together. You in?”

           “Let me play in the lab with Bruce and I’ll consider it.” The doors opened and I marveled at the space.

           “Lots of new toys.” Tony spoke while I came forward and the person hunched over a desk turned around.

           “Bruce Banner.” I grinned and hurried up to round him, blinking at me with wide eyes.

           “Good to see you again,” he addressed me gently by my name and I touched his shoulder. “Natasha told me everything.”

           “Heard you’re branching out with some new friends.” I crossed my arms and Tony gestured to a case across from Bruce.

           “Might as well give her a party favor.” As he spoke, my eyes drew to framed wrinkled photo of a woman I knew to be Betty, sitting on Bruce’s desk.

           “Yeah, we had them made for all of us.” Bruce opened it and picked up a flat, glassy device in the shape of an octagon. A golden Avengers logo was embossed into it.

           “Thor hasn’t been back to get one but we’ll get him whenever he shows his rugged face.” Tony activated it when Bruce handed it over. “Bring the team together. Communicate. You get the idea.”

           “Thank you.” It was clearly sentimental and I tucked mine away in my pocket, tracing my thumb along the side briefly. “I’ll have to get to know it later…oh my…” My breath caught when I peered across the room at the dozens of finished and unfinished suits. Some in glass while others were half covered by tarp. “Tony?”

           “I told you that she’d comment on them.” Bruce muttered.

           “Hey, these aren’t the only things I’ve been up to. I assume you’ve seen me on T.V. as well. Clean energy. Charity. Scholarships. Ring any bells? I do it all. All right? I got the Avengers on the map with connections and kept everything in check until you and Steve went all rogue _. Without me._ ” Tony rubbed his eyes while he repeated himself.

           “I’m not judging,” I eased, turning back. “I know what it is to throw yourself into your work. Somehow it borders on the constructive and destructive. Maybe you could use this party you seemed eager about.”

           “Come on, Tony, we can’t have a party,” Bruce groaned, pulling his glasses off to clean them. “Not after last time.”

           “It won’t be like that, just the inner circle. Minus Thor.” Tony gave him a pat when he passed to pull a tarp down that I was lifting so I couldn’t see the suit underneath. “No snooping at my stuff.”

           “You’re no fun at all.” I drew my arms tighter around my torso.

           “You had to redo the entire floor.” Bruce cocked his head.

           “It’ll be down a  _few_  notches.”

           “As if you can do that,” I joked and slipped into a chair next to Bruce with wheels. As they bickered over party details, I reclined and let myself turn back and forth before I spun and giggled to myself until I was caught. “…What?” I planted my feet when both of them gave me matching looks of confusion. “I enjoy these chairs, I’d rather sit in this than a throne any day.”

           “How old are you again?” Tony leaned over Bruce’s chair on one arm while I slipped down in mine and braced my elbows on the armrests.

           “You know, the years just run together after a while,” I played with my fingers. “It feels like just yesterday I was climbing trees when Heimdall delivered the news that your world was hit with such impact, it killed the dinosaurs. Tragic.”

           “Is she being serious?” Tony whispered in Bruce’s ear and I shrugged.

           “Am I?”  _No._

           “…I’m honestly not sure,” Bruce shook his head, hiding his amusement when he leaned over his desk to turn off the screen he was working in. I winked at Tony and he shot me a flat look so I sat up straight. “Anything like that happen in Asgard?”

           “Our cosmic universe was not built with such flaws. No offense.”

           “Rude,” Tony passed behind me and paused. “Bet the first Asgardians to evolve weren’t so great.”

           “They weren’t from what legends say and what I know now to be true.”

           “What’s that mean?” Bruce inquired.

           “A story for another time, boys.” I stood to follow Tony out when Bruce shrugged off his lab coat.

           “You could at least tell us how Thor’s hammer works? How it really works?” Tony nudged me and we got in the elevator.

           “You already know how it works.”

           “Come on, she can’t just flaunt into our universe from her godly society without sharing some hot gossip.” Tony pressed a button and we went down.

           “Teasing the humans is a bit of a pastime.” I shared a look with Bruce and he beamed at that. “He’s more fun to tease than Steve.” Tony huffed behind me when the doors slid open and I smiled wider at my friends. Sam and Clint, who looked to have just arrived, sat around a table playing cards while Natasha kicked her feet up and flipped through channels on a television. The room was large with a twisting staircase spiraling above another bar and another room framed in glass just above.

           “Hey,” Natasha greeted me first. “It’s been  _too_  long.”

           “Indeed,” I joked in return, shifting to greet Clint and Sam. “How’ve you been, Clint?”

           “I spent hours trying to find you before I’m told you escaped to D.C.” He quirked up one brow in an entertained fashion.

           “Sorry about that.”

           “Is your girlfriend not joining us?” Natasha shifted her arm around the back of the couch and I shook my head.

           “I believe she’s spent enough time with supers. We were lucky she wasn’t identified or her job at Oscorp would have been compromised in truth. I don’t wish to put her in danger.” I paused and she quirked her lip up a little.

           “I can imagine.”

           “Sam, Tony tells me he’s eager to study the Falcon’s wings. Best keep him off them.” I joined Bruce at the bar. “Are you enjoying the tower?”

           “I’m coming around.” Sam’s smile was bright.

           “He fits right in with us, I told him already.” Tony peered up at Bruce. “Martini, doctor?”

           “No, thank you.” Bruce clasped his hands and Jarvis interrupted us.

           “Captain Rogers has arrived.” He spoke while Natasha joined Clint at the table and Tony offered me a martini.

           “Don’t we need music and lights to make it a party?” I picked up my glass and Tony pointed a remote upward. Loud music startled us all before the fluorescents went off to be replaced with multicolored effects and a disco ball. I laughed aloud and Bruce groaned next to me. The elevator doors opened and Steve made a face when he stepped inside.

           “Well, it was nice seeing you all but I’m…” The elevator doors shut and Tony scoffed behind me. “…I guess I’m staying.”

           “Take a seat, Captain. Have a drink. Not like it’ll do anything.”

           “Is he mad at us?” Steve greeted the others briefly and joined me.

           “Increasingly.” I drank down the martini and sighed. “You’re not the only one who cannot get drunk off mortal alcohol. Though, you’re the only one I bet who could stand the drinks in my realm.”

           “Thor ensured I tried it. He seemed excited about it. Burned a bit. Not bad.” Steve paused. “Tony.”

           “ _Acquaintance_.”

           “It happened too fast to involve you,” Steve began, hands out, “you know that.”

           “ _Hmph_. One phone call.” Tony cocked his head.

           “It won’t happen again, we’re a unit now. We must be.” I crossed my arms over the bar and Sam appeared, clapping Steve on the back.

           “I think I could get used to this.”

           “I have more guests on the way.” Tony shrugged and Bruce huffed.

           “You said, inner circle.”

           “Big circle. You won’t be disappointed.” Tony replied as Clint and Natasha took seats at the bar on the opposite side of Bruce.

           “While you’re bartending, I’ll take one of those martinis.” Clint set his chin on his hand. “Tasha cheats, I can’t play cards with her.”

           “I win.” She corrected. I watched them interact around me as Tony smiled with only slight force and made drinks. Steve appeared to relax while Sam got him into a conversation and Bruce accepted ice water when it was offered to him. The music synced with the movement of the lights, dancing about the room and I felt something tingle up my spine until I expanded to the souls around me. The air was thick along the dim room and I straighten up when a large hand traced lines up my back and into my hair. Breathless chuckles sang into my ears before Bruce peered at me and curled his lips into an inhuman smile.

            _“You’re still a little wonder.”_

           “ _What?_ ” I snapped like a rubber band back to myself and Bruce cocked his head.

           “I said…it’s a wonder Tony’s constantly rebuilding this room.” He paused. “You okay?”

           “Yes.” I took air into my lungs and gave it out slowly. “Distracted. It’s odd being back.” Our group began to part with their drinks into separate conversations, I poured myself another and picked it up to near the windows. The sun was setting out over the city so I shot Loki a quick text.

            _Going well so far._ I smiled to myself.

            _Boo_. _:P_

           I chuckled softer and Bruce joined me after a moment. Quickly, I stashed my phone away and beamed at him.

           “How have you been, doctor? Locked away in towers.”

           “I get to focus on my work. It isn’t bad. Tony keeps things interesting. He missed Steve. I just can’t banter the same way, I guess.”

           “Nonsense, you’re fantastic company.” I peered at Steve, Tony, and Sam in an animated conversation then to Clint and Natasha leaning into each other on the couch while they spoke. “That picture on your desk. Betty, that’s her name. Have you contacted her?”

           “Thought about it. Might be best if I don't.”

           “Best for who?” I shifted onto the rail just in front of the window. "Perhaps, your paths will cross again."

           “You miss Asgard?”

           “Most of it. I enjoy being here.” I shook my chills from earlier and sighed. “Sometimes, I still feel like I’m living inside here.” I tapped my head. “Now I’m out into the world.”

           “You’re welcome to hide in the lab with me any day.”

           “Appreciated.” I drank and watched the sun lower outside when Natasha appeared at my side.

           “You can’t be a wallflower the whole time, you two.” She cocked her head and I peered at her in question.

           “A what?”

           “A wallflower… Attached to the wall. Growing out of it. Shy the whole party.” Bruce explained.

           “Oh, I understand. This is what I usually do at Asgardian banquets if we’re not sharing in a slow dance. You all must be used to Thor, I don’t have his charisma. Or volume level.”

           “He’s pretty tame when Dr. Foster is with him.” Bruce shrugged when we joined the others sitting around a large, curved couch. I took a seat across from them in a lone chair and moved forward to set my drink down on the table. Steve smiled lightly at me, leaning into the arm of the sofa. “His version of tame, I think.”

           “He can be quite the gentleman. It’s been a long time since I last went to a real party with him after a battle.” I lifted my shoulders and dropped them just as fast.

           “After battle? How’d that go?” Clint asked when Natasha joined him again. I sighed and crossed my legs, remembering Thor’s body press against my back and Dahlia’s lips on my neck.

           “After battle festivities can be a bit…” I settled both hands on my knee. “…jumbled. Houses have been leveled.”

           “Sir, more guests have arrived.” Jarvis cut in again and Tony stood to move away a moment.

           “Send them up.” As my friends went on with the conversation, I leaned toward Steve.

           “Have you had any luck with that thing?” I toyed with my earring and Steve exhaled, shoulders dropping.

           “No. Sam hasn’t either. Followed a lead to a dead end. He doesn’t want to be found yet.”

           “Give it time.”

           “I just don’t want to find a body. We can't be the only ones after him.”

           “You won’t. We're down but so is Hydra. I’m sure you know him much better than I, but our boy appears resourceful.” I touched Steve’s arm and smiled for him. “He’s no longer washed out.”

           “When you see a soul, what is it you can…sense?” Steve asked and my smile didn’t falter.

           “I don’t like knowing she can undress us with her mind,” Tony plopped back down while we waited for everyone else he invited. The attention drew to me and I laughed, leaning back from Steve.

           “It’s not like that. When I held the mind stone tighter, it was like a moving picture. The stone and my magic projected my being out to see and hear the world like a film. I had virtually no limits. Now it’s an endless pool of distant colors. No faces. No genders. No flesh. Just shades moving about. Mutant and human. I can distinguish that much. Mutant souls are…outlined in streams of light. Highlighted, I suppose. But, I see them all…though I cannot go very far. Steven, for instance, when I expand…it's silver and settled like morning dew on grass. Swept away and back before the sun can barely rise.”

           “What’s Tony’s soul like?” Steve nudged his friend and Tony made a face, scrunching.

           “Ah… Now, I’m interested, let me have it.”

           “Tony is like…” I squinted at him and his heart picked up. “That antique look to a gold picture frame. That messy yet elegant varnish.”

           “I only get better with age, you hear that, Rogers? Like fine wine.”

           “I was thinking cheese.” Steve got us all to laugh and Tony kicked his foot while he got up again when the elevator opened. The music went on and I was introduced to Pepper Potts and James Rhodes. Tony’s more responsible counterparts. It was odd to see such a guarded person greet Pepper with a kiss. Natasha pulled me into a conversation with her and Pepper with Sam joining us after a bit at the bar.

           “Do these parties happen often?” I asked over the music.

           “Once in a while since we got the tower running again,” Pepper replied, freckles glowing in this light.

           “I’d be far too shy to attend something like this mere years ago. I avoided after battle parties for so long.” I shook my head and drank.

           “Asgardians get shy?” Sam joked and I pushed at his arm.

           “On rare occasions. Between us though, I’m alight with charisma and power. I must keep up appearances.” I stirred my straw into my drink and Natasha leaned back next to me. “Where did you disappear to over the weeks?” She hesitated as Sam moved around the bar to join a card game Clint got Bruce into.

           “Went back to Russia and I…I tried to find my parents.” She admitted and Pepper peered around me to listen.

           “Did you?” She asked.

           “Two little gravestones by a chain link fence.” Natasha swallowed and I touched her shoulder briefly when she pressed her lips. “So I dug up some weeds. Planted and left some flowers. We have what we have when we have it.” I'd always remember this sentiment. 

           “I’m sorry.” Pepper offered and Natasha nodded.

           “I am proud of you. The things you’ve done since I’ve known you as my friend. We wouldn’t have made it without you, you know? Perhaps, next time, we should include Tony though. You are so brave.”

           “He’ll get over that.” Natasha smirked a little and Pepper chuckled.

           “Rhodey didn’t mind him staying out of that one. I agreed.” The elevator doors opened again and a group I recognized came in.

           “You’re late, stretch.” Tony waved them in and my lips parted.

           “That’s Sue Storm and them…I… The television called them the Fantastic Four.”

           “Don’t look too starstruck,” Natasha joked, taking my wrist. “Let’s introduce you.” Pepper followed us to greet the group.

           “Where’s the pebble?” Tony crossed his arms.

           “Ben took the stairs.” Reed Richards was shaking Bruce’s hand in greeting.

           “Psyche, meet our new friends,” Tony waved me over but I shifted behind Natasha’s back. “Don’t be shy.” Reed smiled and extended his hand about four feet out toward me and I snickered finally, shaking it before I gave them my trueborn name.

           “Reed Richards. Nice to finally meet you.” He pulled his hand back so I came forward to meet the other two. Reed’s brown hair had a distinct grey stripe on either side and he truly felt of elastic nerves. The Invisible Woman was next.

           “Sue Storm,” she was quite beautiful with a glowing sheen to her tanned skin and dark eyes. I lost my thought when she smiled to shake my hand. I saw images of them floating in space. The rippling fears. “This is my brother.”

           “Johnny,” he had the similar distinct features as his sister and a charming smile to match when he shook my hand. I found myself thinking of Fandral briefly while I pulled away.

           “Nice to meet you all.”

           “Celebrity superheroes even though they showed up  _after_  us.” Tony remarked and Reed grinned at that.

           “Believe me, it gets old.”

           “Speak for yourself,” Johnny added while the floor vibrated. Ben Grimm had to duck to get in a pair of double doors with a woman at his side. Stunning and dark with a giant smile across her lips, a walking stick clicked the floor in her hand.

           “Took you long enough.” Tony spoke and I marveled up at Ben’s body, made of stones.

           “Your stairs are shoddy, Stark.” His voice rumbled and I came forward to introduce myself. “Nice to meet you.” His low tone was laced in a New York accent and I smiled while his cold hand engulfed mine.

           “The pleasure is mine, I’ve heard so much about you all.” I peered at the woman next to him and stared. “I’m sorry, you look very familiar to me.” It was clear from her walking stick and eyes that she was completely blind.

           “This is Alicia Masters. My girlfriend.”

           “Alicia Masters? The sculptor? Oh my.” I pulled my hand from Ben and he smiled with pride. “Your Neorealist work is some of my favorite. I saw your show once just blocks from here, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She held out her hand to me and chuckled.

           “That's sweet. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” her other hand lowered over mine and streams of pink light were dancing around her lovely soul. “Your friends tell me you have powers. Most of my work now are portrayals of super humans, it seems.”

           “It’s breathtaking, I’ve enjoyed the art scene in this city quite a lot.”

           “Glad her awe of the supers is gone, at least,” Tony piped up when I let Alicia’s hand go.

           “Zip it,” I circled behind Tony. “Lovely to finally meet you all.”

           “Janet and Hank coming any time?” Reed’s voice lingered after greetings finished.

           “I think they’re in London still.” Tony replied while I joined Bruce again.

           “Might I join you in the corner of...introverted wall plants?”

           “Wallflowers?” He laughed at that before nodding. Many made more drinks and took seats along the room to enjoy each other’s company.

           “Bruce,” Reed approached us with Sue at his side. “Are you going to that black tie demonstration at Oscorp?”

           “Sounded interesting but I might pass. Haven’t decided. You?”

           “I think the Osborn boy is pushing this too early but we said yes.” Reed replied.

           “My girlfriend works as Oscorp, she mentioned this a few days ago but I didn’t press for details.” I peered at Sue. “What exactly are they showing?”

           “New prototypes. We think Harry Osborn is eager to get out from under Norman.” She shrugged. “Poor kid. But, it appears since nothing has been stolen that they’ll be able to get this event going. Dr. Octavius is lead scientist on it this year.”

           “Yes, I read about him in the paper. My girlfriend is lost in him.”

           “Are you going with your girlfriend?” Sue asked and I shrugged.

           “It sounds charming. Might be better now if I have more I know there. My girlfriend, Ava, is her name…she’s better with people than I. She got to work on those prototypes with Dr. Octavius, goes on about him some nights and how brilliant he is.”

           “Was that jealousy from a goddess?” Bruce stated in jest and I eyed him.

           “Bruce Banner, I do believe you’re enjoying yourself. It took you long enough,” I pushed at his shoulder and turned back to the couple. “Not jealousy, Ava gets hung up on clever people. In her mind. But, she might convince me to go so I may see you two there.”

           “Make Bruce go as well.” Sue winked and they shifted off to join another conversation. Before Bruce could speak, someone slipped next to me and I turned to see Johnny giving me  _eyes_.

           “So, I hear you’re a goddess. Well, I can burst into flames with a temperature of over a million degrees.” He quirked his brow and my lips parted. “A goddess. I burst into flames. You can fly. I can fly. We have so much in common already. I’m feeling a connection here.” He snapped his fingers and a flame flickered along them. His flirtation dawned on me before I settled a hand to my lips and burst into giggles, leaning against Bruce as I pointed.

           “He’s adorable.” I covered my lips still and Bruce roused with amusement as I quieted. “I’m too old for you, baby.” I patted Johnny’s cheek and pressed my lips.

           “So it’s an age thing? I get it.”

           “Maybe if I was a few million years younger,” I nodded. “You get points for trying.”

           “It wasn’t the line though?”

           “No, the line was great.” I assured him. “I’m not sure how often you can use it though.”

           “I’ll come up with some more and you let me know.”

           “Will do.” I watched him get up and wink before leaving and I snorted again with laughter, turning to Bruce.

           “He shoot you a line as well?” Natasha slid into the empty chair next to me.

           “Oh yes,” I watched her put her feet up on a stool and relax. “I was nervous to come back here, but I’m happy I did. Tony and Steve seem much closer than when I last saw them.”

           “Pepper tells me when he isn’t calling Rhodey, it's Steve he wakes in the middle of the night. Steve never minds. He's usually up himself.”

           “Doesn’t sleep much,” Bruce added. “Glued to the lab.”

           “How’s Clint been?”

           “Whatever you did helps but, you know, nightmares and all on occasion.” Natasha commented.

           “The mind stone isn’t gentle. I’m sorry he knows that.”

           “It wasn’t your fault.” Her words made me feel guilty but I shook my head.

           “I suppose not.”

** ** **

           We took a photo together before I parted to go. It was nice to come together again as possible friends and not out of obligation to the world. I assured them that I’d come back soon as I knew the government would close in again. Loki smiled when he saw me and seemed surprised as I slipped into his lap on the sofa. Wordless, I planted kisses along his lips and jaw until his hands began to tug at my clothing.

           “No more packing tonight. Let’s take a bath together.” I let him pick me up to guide us out and set me on the bathroom counter to keep kissing me. The bath turned on with magic and Loki idly waved his hand to add oils to it. His lips touched my neck and I sighed outwardly.

           “Did you enjoy your party?” He asked between kisses.

           “Met some sweet people.” I admitted. “I enjoyed my time with them. Reed Richards mentioned that black tie affair at Oscorp.”

           “I want you to go with me.”

           “It’s too dangerous,” I parted from Loki to see his face. “I do want to go with you. But if Harry Osborn or anyone else recognizes us.”

           “I don’t care.” Loki swallowed and lied. “I don’t. He won’t do anything, he’s young. And I won’t get fired for being with Psyche.”

           “Ava will be followed.” I reasoned.

           “I’ll put a charm on your face to protect your identity from those who don’t know you personally. Just like we used to. Come with me.” Loki kissed me again, hands rubbing along my thighs before he tugged my leggings off. I knew he secretly enjoyed the work at Oscorp. I knew he coveted so for me to be proud of him. And I was. “Come with me. Just one night where we can feel normal again. Like we used to.” He stated softer, fingertips drumming along my tender skin. He cupped me and I moaned, the fabric of my underwear shifted while he rubbed. “Come with me? For me.” Loki teased and I shuddered against his kisses.

           “We haven’t made it to the bath yet.” I chuckled, arms rounding his shoulders to pull him closer. Loki hushed me when I whined aloud before he shifted my undergarments aside to press two fingers inside. I arched, legs parting wider while his other hand smoothed down my back to hold me closer.

           “You can see every soul but your own.” Loki murmured into the hollow of my throat before his lips opened against my skin. I squirmed around when he thumbed my clit, my body went rigid and he took his time to rub small circles. “You reserve that only for me now.”

           “Loki,” I muffled my moan into his neck when I shifted to cling to him. I heard the bathwater go off and ignored it, rolling my hips into his hand.

           “When I pleasure you just so,” he gave a few quick rubs and my head tumbled back, nails dug into his shoulders. “Your soul is bright and rosy, vibrating against me. It thuds and pleads to leave your skin.” I kissed his lips again, breaths leaving quicker while I moaned into him and worked my hips. Loki’s gasp hitched as my fingers slipped into his pants.

           “If we hurry,” I chuckled when he grew taut against me so I worked his shaft, “we might be able to fuck one last time on every surface in this place.” Loki was eager to oblige.

           “Sweetheart, you’re always so full of good ideas.”

** ** **

           “We’re going to be late, Loki. Come out.” I tapped my foot against the floorboards of our new suite. A large apartment that Loki and I decorated to perfection. It could be loud at night but I enjoyed the view from the windows. The bright, vast city below. Naaki explored every inch and took to the shelves we set up just for her.

           “You’re going to laugh.” Her voice was muffled.

           “Why would I laugh?” I closed the curtains halfway and huffed. “I saw your dress, you’ll look stunning.”

           “It’s not the dress.”

           “…Do you need help with the makeup?”

           “It’s not the makeup.”

            _“Ava.”_ I groaned, falling onto the couch. Half unpacked boxes surrounded me and Naaki hopped up to get my affections.

           “I figured a way to distance myself from looking too much like my usual self.”

           “Come out, let me see.” I coaxed, adjusting my own dress while I shifted through my purse to make sure I had everything.

           “Different enough?” Loki came out of the bathroom and I dropped a tube of lipstick against the floor. My eyes drew wider before I let out a breathy sound.

           “ _Oh_.” The dark locks of her hair were bright blonde and straight around her face.

           “You hate it!”

           “No! I love it, I wasn’t expecting blonde.” I retrieved my lipstick and stood to go to her. “See, I’m not laughing… By the nine, your hair is brighter than Thor’s hair.” I touched it. “You look stunning in whatever you do, I promise.” Loki shifted in her sequined red dress and let out a sigh, nodding before I pecked her lips. “Let’s go, I want to see the toys.”

           “You won’t be disappointed.” Loki’s hand laced into mine, causing me to smile when the emotions warmed my stomach. Like flowers blooming in spring. I slipped a coat on and we made our way out, night had long fallen over the evening.

           “So tell me about this brilliant Otto Octavius.” I rounded the car and Loki opened the door for me before getting inside. I turned the radio down as we took off, our destination was not far.

           “Oscorp brought him in as lead scientist for their research division. He’s a well-known nuclear physicist but he consulted with the prototypes Oscorp is showing tonight.  Osborn is trying rather desperately to pick up the pieces his father left, it’ll be a large event. Keep your glamour charm up and we’ll have quite a night.”

           “If you spend a lot of time hacking into Oscorp computers, they’ll notice.”

           “Sweetheart, when have you ever known me to not be careful?”

           “I’ll compile you a list.”

           “Email it to Loki at I get points for my attempts dot com.” She muttered and I snorted to myself.

           “I like when you jest, you know.” I peered outside at the lines of lights soaring by and relaxed. Loki’s hand touched mine briefly before we turned a corner. “I am very interested in what they’ll be showing tonight from what you described.”

           “It won’t be Asgard.” Loki remarked and I smiled at that.

           “I enjoy watching the realms around us advance.”

** ** **

           Flash photographers and journalists along the shining monochrome room caused me to inch closer to Loki before she slipped her hand into mine again to pull me off. Head scientists and researchers at roped off stations demonstrated new inventions to small crowds dressed in formal attire. Champagne was passed by servers and I held a glass in one hand while Loki explained the function of a pair of wings to me and had short conversations with people she knew. I caught two faces I recognized and kissed Loki’s cheek before whispering.

           “I’m going to say hello.” I nodded, turning to go across the room and greet Sue Storm with Reed Richards just behind her. She recognized me through the charm and smiled. “I was hoping to see you both here, I am glad I came. I can’t say I’ve seen inside Oscorp in depth.”

           “Which one is your girlfriend?” Sue asked, walking at my side and Reed reached out two yards to grab two glasses of champagne, startling the waiter.

           “Sorry.” He said with a twinge of nerves and handed one to Sue.

           “Ava’s over there speaking with that woman in the lab coat. She enjoys the prototypes but she’s somewhat of a perfectionist, I believe she judged them harshly,” I joked.

           “A lot is riding on tonight.” Sue commented and Reed nodded, coming to my other side.

           “Why is that?”

           “Oscorp wants to get back on the map,” she explained, shrugging and Reed continued.

           “Harry Osborn brought in a lot of big names. Oscorp needs funding. If he gets one invention here set up with the military,” Reed came closer and pointed to men in uniform, “Oscorp is golden for life until something better comes along. Dr. Octavius' own demonstration is the culmination of his life's work. Might benefit them both.”

           “I see.” I swallowed. “We haven’t seen Osborn yet.”

           “He’ll be out soon,” Sue drank from her glass and shrugged, “he’ll have to give a speech eventually. The government might go for something but we think the cost will push back.”

           “There he is,” Reed gestured to a low stage. Harry Osborn had a glass of scotch in one hand and a stress ball crushed into the other. A taller man I recognized as Otto Octavius was speaking with him, hands clasped together. There was a sheet covering a symmetrical bulk behind them.

           “Sue Storm and Reed Richards…” A reporter flocked over before we could continue. Sue cast me a glance when I was not recognized. “Can I get a photo?”

           “…I’ll leave you to this. Nice to see you both again.” I smiled and gave them a nod before slipping away to set my empty glass on a tray when a man offered to take it. Crowds moved about me and I adjusted my dress, sighing before I spotted Loki again. Stepping toward her, I paused when I noticed Harry catch the face of someone in the crowd and abruptly go toward them. At the door, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson waited until he approached before turning to go back out around the corner. Unable to stop myself, I followed after Harry into the dark hallway to hear their conversation.

           “Months later. You show up tonight.” Harry sniffed. “I didn’t expect it, Pete. M.J…you look stunning.”

           “Thanks, Harry,” her voice was gentle. “We wanted to be here for you.”

           “I put together events just like my old man, right?” Harry’s back was to me when I poked my head around the corner and Peter glanced up immediately to spot me. Not giving me away, he sighed and touched the back of his head to play it off.

           “I wanted to see you, Harry,” he stepped forward, “I just…”

           “You just…what? Forgot?” Harry cocked his head and downed his drink, tossing the glass carelessly like it was a baseball into the corner. It was more of a reckless act than a violent one. “Spending more time photographing your new best friend?”

           “Harry-”

           “He killed my father and this city  _worships_  him? Avengers took him in with open arms they say.” Harry sneered. “And  _Gwen_ …she was getting out of here. Out of all this shit. She had any college at her fingertips and Spider-Man took that away. Her mother should have toured colleges not cemeteries.” Peter’s face drew tight and pink, unable to speak.

           “Gwen was my friend too,” Mary Jane was hard in her tone, “we miss her as much as you do. Nothing can make this okay again... But, she wouldn't want this for any of us. Don’t shut us out, Harry.”

           “You don’t have all the facts, Harry,” Peter swallowed his tears. “Spider-Man wouldn’t do it. He tried to save her that night.”

           “He killed my father! Spider-Man can’t get over his own greed for one minute to help me and you’re defending the man who let Gwen die and…and who’ll let me die next? Maybe if he takes M.J. after, you’ll-”

           “ _Harry!”_ Mary Jane chided, stepping up to him. “Stop. This is the pills talking, you need to get off them.”

           “I don’t want to fight, buddy.” Peter managed. “I’m trying-”

           “You’re not. Run home, Peter. Run back and take pictures of that murderer. Put him on the front page for another eight weeks. I have a party to run since my dad isn’t around…I already had to bury him alone.” Harry spun on his heel and I ducked into a corner when he paused and kept walking, clearly intoxicated. Peter let out a shaken breath for a lingering moment.

           “You shouldn’t be here.” He spoke and I came out of the shadows.

           “It’s a school night,” I replied, “neither should you and yet, here we are. Supporting those we care for. Trying to pretend we fit in.”

           “Does it get better after school?” He asked and I crossed my arms.

           “Yes, of course. Worse at times. But better.” I peered at Mary Jane. “I’ve missed my classes. Hope you practice when you can.”

           “I do.” She paused, frowning and Peter tried to turn his face as if to hide the emotion on it. “Harry’s been looking for Psyche.”

           “He won’t find her tonight. I’m in disguise. Sort of. Hopefully it lasts.” I reached up and brushed one tear from Peter’s face, cupping his chin. “Amazing…the amount of pain someone so young is allotted. Tragic as well. It’s a wonder we come into this harsh world in tears. Screaming. I’ve known screaming and it grieves me to know you both understand the sentiment. Newborns cry though, to let us know they are living. You should not hide your tears if you have some to give.”

           “We should go,” Mary Jane stared at me, grateful somehow when she came to touch Peter’s shoulders to comfort him. “We don’t want to lose Harry.”

           “How long has he held a substance addiction?”

           “It got worse after his father and…back before when we lost Gwen.” She inhaled sharply.

           “It’ll get worse before it gets well again. And it can. It’s clear he cares for you both but he’s mourning these losses as well. There is always a place and just council in Avengers Tower if you seek it. You have my number.”

           “Yes. Thank you.” Mary Jane tugged at Peter.

           “You’re not the only one watching this boy… He reminds me of someone I love dearly.”

           “Did they make it?” Peter asked, inching back to leave.

           “You know, I think you both should stay tonight. Hide in the back if you must. Your friend wants you here, he’s just terrified out of his mind of failure and more loss.” I didn’t answer him and quirked my lip up before nodding and walking off. Loki spotted me when I came back and waved me over.

           “Come see the new glider and suit.” She clasped her hand into mine and pulled me off. “Where have you been?”

           “Indulging the mortals,” I shrugged, fingers lacing into hers. Loki felt contented here among the science. A broad man behind a roped off section was demonstrating body armor, moving his arms as he did. Harry and another scientist were making comments as two more men wheeled a covered table out with the sleek glider on it.

           “This new military body armor,” Harry began as a crowd gathered around us, “provides full joint mobility while it protects all vital organs.” The scientists was guiding the man demonstrating in how to move as he turned and showed the back joints shifting with him. Soft whirring sounds carried above the whispers around me.

           “How does it keep such amazing joint mobility with the added weight?” A man in uniform asked.

           “Electrically conducted nanofibers.” Harry replied.

           “Any battlefield injury from a broken limb to a gunshot wound, the suit will do the work for you while it self-heals.” His scientist added and people gave a short round of applause as they set the glider up with the man on it. “This second prototype of the glider is faster and sleeker than the first.” There was barely a sound when it turned on and lifted, rousing awes. It looked like bat wings in shape with blades attached to the front. “Sensors in the feet of the armor and on the pads of the glider keep our man attached and if he were to fall…the glider would catch him.” Carefully, the man leaned from side to side to show how the glider would adjust and turn.

           “Impressive,” I whispered to Loki and she sipped her champagne. Harry was passing the stress ball between both his hands, grinning while they showed off his equipment.

           “Mr. Osborn, these prototypes were the second models of their kind after the first were stolen by the Green Goblin-”

           “Thank you, everyone,” Harry interrupted. “We’ll be taking more questions about the tech after Dr. Octavius’ presentation.” My finger flicked when I saw Harry get uncomfortable before the camera fell from the reporter’s hand and broke. Someone kneeled to help pick it up but the rest of the crowd was called to the main stage.

           “That wasn’t nice.” Loki mused.

           “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I smiled at Loki and she winked, slipping to link her arm into mine as we followed the crowd.

           “Oscorp has been honored to be working closely with Dr. Otto Octavius,” a women got the crowd to clap and Otto clasped his hands behind his back, coming up while Harry stayed between the ropes and the stage just below the scientist.

           “With the birth of a new age for this company, I would like to formally introduce you all to my new assistants,” Otto pulled the sheet away from his tech and awe filled the room. A harness with four metal arms and claws sat on a stand. “Through Oscorp, I’ve developed these four actuators programmed to further our research into atomic physics. The mechanical arms will be controlled via brain-computer interface with a resistance to radiation and magnetism. Today, we’re going to successfully install them after the long months of development. Without further ado…” Otto pulled his lab coat away and received help from three mortals to position the spine of the device against his skin. The harness clamped around his abdomen and he gave the okay before needles along his spine sunk in, the audience winced. We watched as he kept his hands out and struggled before the claws lifted and snapped open with precise movement; he turned and applause followed. “Nanowires feed directly into my cerebellum,” Otto walked forward with the arms curved behind him, “allowing me to use these arms to control fusion reaction in an environment no human hand can enter.”

           “Doctor, if the artificial intelligence in the arms is as advanced as you suggest, couldn’t that make you vulnerable to them?” A reporter raised their hand and Otto chuckled.

           “How right you are.” He nodded and touched the back of his head. “Which is why I developed this inhibitor chip to protect my higher brain function. It means that I maintain control of these arms, instead of them controlling me. I’ll be available for questions while I demonstrate the precision of the arms just there for those curious and disbelieving.” When he moved, the crowd split up again and many men and women flocked to Harry, causing him to grin again.

           “I’m being beckoned to help with the glider,” Loki cleared her throat and kissed my head before moving to go. “He’s fascinating, yes?”

           “Yes,” I chuckled and stole another glass of champagne when we parted. I drank some down and turned to get a better look at Otto’s second demonstration when he left the stage before I bumped into an man at least a head taller than I. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t spill on you, did I?” I touched his chest without thinking to make sure I hadn’t.

           “No, rest assured,” he straightened his lapel and my eyes drew to the tiny cross pinned there. There was a rough, southern underbelly to his aloof voice. I watched his gaze flicker briefly to the scars along my wrist when my sleeve shifted before I dropped my hand. “You look a little young to be here. Don’t you have class in the morning?” I scoffed a tiny laugh and shook my head at the older mortal.

           “No, I’m just here supporting friends.” I paused, lying when my gaze shifted beyond him to Harry once. “And I’m  _happily_  graduated. Long time it feels now.” He lifted his lips at that. 

           “I suppose you can never tell anymore.” He stared at my eyes until my gaze lowered as if I was shy. A demure mortal girl with scars and shifting steps. I wasn't sure why the statement made me so uneasy. Why his rich colors were so potent. I almost felt nauseous. “What did you study?”

           “History,” I cleared my throat, smiling at him without teeth.

           “A noble endeavor,” he stared at my face until a soldier tapped his shoulder.

           “Colonel Stryker, Harry Osborn wants to speak with you.”

           “Ma’am,” he bowed his head with bright, sly eyes for a man his age and turned to go. Peering to the corner, I spotted Peter sharing a conversation with Reed while Sue and Mary Jane spoke with a scientist about her project. Again, I felt the cold tingle up my spine to hush out the world around me. The fingers swiping along the back of my hair.

           “ _Sleep_.” Thanos rumbled with a heavy hand against my collar, fingertips touching my chin to tilt my head just so to meet his gaze before the vision drowned in my heart.

           “You look bored,” Loki appeared behind me and I cocked my head at that, lungs clenching to release the ashes.  _Just the voices in my head. Nothing more. Nothing less._

           “No, I’m intrigued.” I turned with a grin and Loki beamed a little before the crowd was called to attention with another long speech of thanks before the final demonstration.

           “He’s going to demonstrate how the arms can create and stabilize successful fusion without damage.” We lingered toward the back of the crowd while Octavius took the stage area once it was cleared and set up with a large, pronged device.

           “Cheap, clean energy. Tony Stark may yet have competition.” I muttered in response before a small ball resembling the sun erupted before the crowd. The claws came to contain it so the applause and photos began loudly.

           “The power of the sun in the palm of his hands…or claws, I guess,” Peter showed up at my side, arms crossing. “Well done, Harry.”

           “Who’s the kid?” Loki muttered and I gave her a look.

           “Peter, this is Ava. My girlfriend. Ava, this is Peter…Mary Jane’s boyfriend.” I introduced them. “You remember her.”

           “Yes, Naaki came home with no idea of who I was for days.” Loki spoke in jest.

           “Dr. Octavius was a guest speaker at my school once. Talked with him for an hour. Wished I could have picked his brain longer.” Peter mentioned and Loki smirked at that, opening her mouth to speak before the lights above us shifted toward the makeshift sun while it grew larger.

           “It will stabilize,” Otto called as his claws tried to reel it in but the mortals began to back up. A table shifted before it lifted up and flew toward the front row, eliciting cries but a force field stopped it.

           “Get back!” Sue Storm warned, hands lifted. The sun grew, causing the frames along the windows to bend, glass was tossed around and I pulled Loki back with me in a hurry.

           “It’ll stabilize!” Otto tried again before a scientist began shouting while Reed swept a bunch of reporters backwards. When I turned to see Peter, he was long gone.

           “Turn it off!” Harry’s shouts were loud and childish but he was ignored. “I’m in charge here, shut it down!”

           “Give it another moment!” Otto refused, arms trying before everyone was rushing around to safety. The metal wings on a stand went off and flew about the room in a frenzy, knocking over tables and speakers. I yanked Loki backwards and realized she was struggling and shouting before I pushed her out of danger when a chandelier fell, separating us. The metal wings got trapped in a light and sparks showered down. Crowds worked to unblock the doors after heavy equipment fell from the walls and ceiling.  _Please, not here._  Magic swirled to sweep machines aside. My dress tore when I saw the wings power down and fall as Reed and Sue tried to help everyone out so I flew up and dove into a man to stop him from being crushed under the apparatus. We smashed into the walls and I tugged him to avoid another fallen light. Hands snapped around my sleeves. Colonel Stryker looked awed when he blinked at me with widening eyes and I was shaking, pushing him by his coat into his soldiers. Those sly eyes recognized my face.

           “She saved me,” he heaved as mortals raced out. Above him, a grey child looked down at me from rafters. My breath caught. Red and blue flew past my body before I noticed Spider-Man perched up on the wall. The little girl lifted her arm to point so I turned my head. Harry was still shouting at Otto, hands up and soul fearful. The heat grew and I called to Peter when one of Otto’s arms swept him aside.

           “Pull the plug!” I lifted from the ground and grabbed Harry just before the sparks exploded around Otto to electrocute him and his arms. Sparks echoed all over him. He fell in a heap off the stage while Harry and I crashed into the floor, rolling across it. I covered him with my body and we tumbled down a set of steps, the tile cracked under my fist when I cradled his head to protect his fragile skull. Skinny hands gripped my sides, bunching the fabric of my dress.

           “ _Shit!”_ He blinked up at me with dazed eyes, lips parting and I puffed for air. “You…You’re her.” I touched my face and my eyes snapped wider. Harry didn't call me Psyche. He uttered my trueborn name. I couldn't handle it.

           “ _Not again_ ,” I huffed and covered his mouth with my hand, bringing a finger to my lips. “Hush.”  Blue eyes darted around my expression, he lifted a hand to touch one scar on my face. My brow furrowed in confusion at him and his awe before I pulled away and yanked him up by his Prada suit. Civilians rushed around and I pushed at him, trying to frighten him off. “Get out.” I sounded more sad and desperate.

           “You-”

            _“Go! Get out of here!”_  I about wailed at him. Harry Osborn shuddered with big, watery eyes but did as he was told so I joined the others. Loki ran toward me and grabbed for my arm while Sue charged to contain the small explosion with a force field. We were all tossed backward, skidding around the floor and Loki covered me. The dust settled and I groaned, looking about the destroyed room as Spider-Man yanked the rest of the plugs before collapsing.

           “Sue!” Reed pulled her up and glanced around. Loki was stumbling off me to the stage. “Is everyone alright?”

           “Dr. Octavius,” Loki had shifted to turn him on his side, pulling the busted goggles from his bloodied face. “Otto?” In a sudden motion, a claw lunged forward to grab her by the neck.

           “Ava! Let her go!” I sprang up but Spider-Man jumped in front of me. Otto lifted himself, sparks played down his spine and Loki wheezed, trying to pry the claws from her jaw.

           “Let the lady down, Dr. Octavius.” Peter ordered, hands up.

           “The inhibitor chip,” Loki choked and Otto growled.

           “You ruined it, Spider-Man,” he spat out. “ _Everything_.” Loki was tossed at us and Peter caught her before the claws lifted Otto’s weak form up and he escaped out the windows. Loki heaved for air and squirmed of out Peter’s arms while I steadied her.

           “Are you alright?” I held her up and was pushed away just as beams of rage quelled from Loki’s skin.

           “Let go of me!” She rubbed her neck and stalked toward the door without looking back.

           “Ava…?” I tried but the metal door was shut while sirens called in the distance. “I…I cannot stay here. It’ll be bad if I’m involved. Forgive me…you all fight very well. I’m glad you were here tonight. The press is coming, we all should make way.” I lifted up and Sue nodded.

           “She’s right, go.” On her word, I took off out the broken windows and Peter caught up with me, landing on the edge of a building before I could pass.

           “You saved Harry, thank you.”

           “Is Mary Jane safe?” I hovered and landed next to a winged statue.

           “I got her out before I came back.” He nodded and I peered at his suit before he took his mask off under the cover of night. “You know the truth. You see things. That’s what they told me.”

           “I felt it first.” I corrected. “It’s a sea of static. I don’t know all. Why didn’t you tell Harry the truth about his father?”

           “Norman… He told me not to before he died. Bad things happen when the truth gets out. Gwen’s father lost his life before her and it was my fault. He warned me…he warned me not to tell her. To stay away but I didn’t listen and she…” Peter choked and shook his head, steeling himself. “I tried to catch her…I  _tried_. I can’t put M.J. and Harry in anymore danger. I tried to train and help other younger kids like me but, I’m just making it worse.”

           “I don’t believe that. You gave them a place. A shoulder. That means something.” I shook my head. “Thank you for protecting, Ava. She’s grateful…though she didn’t show it back there.”

           “She worked under Octavius for a while and to see this…must have hurt. I don’t know, she might blame herself for tonight with those other scientists.”

           “You are an insightful, young man. You should go. I want you and Mary Jane home safe. You both have school tomorrow.” I smiled to brighten him and he pulled his mask back on. “I’ll see you both around the tower, I hope. We both should go tomorrow. Give the story before they summon us. After your classes. I’ll give you a ride as flying there in daylight might not be the best after what just happened.”

           “You’re right. My aunt May doesn’t know, I’ll tell her I’m going to the library. Can you meet me?”

           “Of course.”

           “Thanks. Goodnight,” Peter swung down and away before I went the opposite direction to find our car. Loki was already sitting inside, visibly shaken, but she didn’t spare me a glance when I got in and turned it on to drive.

           “I don’t want to talk about it.” She snapped before I could so I licked my lips and went silent until we arrived back. Her dress was on the floor the second we got up to our apartment, the bath turned on and she got in while the water was still freezing with her underwear on. I lingered in the doorway after dropping my things and greeting Naaki before I came to turn on the warm water. “Leave it!” Loki’s voice was a screech and I backed off, sitting on the toilet seat. The huge bath filled and Loki sat there with her arms crossed before I sighed.

           “I think we should discuss-”

           “It doesn’t matter.” Loki cracked with tears. “It doesn’t matter that we can’t have one night. Just one! It doesn’t matter that I’m nothing but a pawn everywhere I go. It doesn’t matter that I deserved this!”

           “Hey,” I came to her side, kneeling by the water. “You weren’t a pawn. You couldn't have known what would happen tonight. It wasn't your work or project. It was an accident. Everything you did was perfect. Otto Octavius miscalculated his own project. You had nothing to do with it.”

           “Did you see his eyes? You know the look.” She sniffed and I turned the warm water on to balance the bath out before I exhaled and got in, still in my dress, to join her. “I’m making this all worse.” Makeup bled down her face before she swiped her hand across her lips, smearing red down her chin. “He was…overcome. It wasn’t just the arms. The power. The will. The desperation. You know it. I know it. Knowledge ruins us all. I worked in that bloody building thinking that perhaps…perhaps, it was my outlet…my way of change. There were moments...I felt my illusion was real. I did something constructive again for myself. Something against the design of fate." _Oh._ Yes, I understood it now. "You had yours and I had mine. And now we have nothing.”

           “You have me and I have you.” I offered slowly. “Even now. Loki, you've made so much progress and I am proud of you. I am. We came so far since...” Water soaked my dress before I turned the faucet off and Loki slipped down briefly to wash her face. Light shifted and Loki changed before coming up, arms draping over the sides.

           “I’m pathetic.” He leaned back and let his long, black hair mat against his shoulders. I shifted forward to brush locks from his face before kissing his temple, wincing when I felt the self-loathing.

           “You’re not. You are Prince Loki. My lovely husband. My wife other days. Son of Asgard and Jotunheim. God of chaos and mischief. The powerful, clever sorcerer I also happen to love. You built a foundation for magic that no other can ever even touch. And you overcame.” Loki sniffed and flicked his eyes to me before staring elsewhere as if I’d blind him. Exhaling, I got up and left my wet clothing on the floor before I put on a robe. “I’m going to make tea.” Loki sighed and stretched out before ice crackled along the water and his skin turned blue. I stared at his Jotun form while he froze half the water around him. “You’ll have to thaw out and come to bed eventually.” Loki peered at me with red eyes and didn’t respond so I left to boil water in the kettle and feed Naaki. She jumped up to watch me get out two mugs, yawning.  “I don’t suppose you know how to cheer him up?” She blinked at me and leapt down to go into the bedroom while I brought Loki a mug, setting it near him. Loki reached out and tapped one finger into the drink to freeze it before turning it over so the ice chuck slipped out.

           “Now you’re just being rude to me.” I turned and heard shuffling while I got ready for bed in our walk in closet. I mustered up the bravery to turn on the news after getting into bed with Naaki curling up at the top of her cat tree. The tea was hot, warming my hands while I drank and set it aside.

           “ _Chaos today as Oscorp nearly destroys half the city-”_ Every time I changed the channel, it was the same thing.

            _“Is this the end of Oscorp with Harry Osborn at the lead-?”_

_“Reports of superheroes in attendance saving the day-”_

_“Dr. Otto Octavius has still not been found-”_

           The television shut off and Loki appeared in the doorway with a plug in his hand, dropping it. I tossed the remote aside and felt annoyance run up my insides. Naked and wet, Loki at least dried himself and instead came to my side of the bed.

           “Well, are you going to talk to me?”

           “No.” Loki stared and pulled back my covers before I crossed my arms and stayed planted against the headboard in my nightgown. Light shifted and I peered back to see Ava, still in the Jotun form. The lines were the same along her body and I realized I’d never seen her naked in this particular form.

           “You’re not a pawn, you’re a highly powerful being with a place in this world.” I stared at the window again and felt her hand touch my hair, cold fingers shifting down it. She repeated the action until my shoulders dropped a little while she stood there and petted my locks. “I married you. Multiple times. I know we’re separated because you have to hide and I cannot. I know you’re trying because this is so difficult now…and I know I’ve run off but we’re making it.” I reached up to take her hand, thumbs smoothing before I turned to look at her. “I’m so proud of you. I am. We'll keep each other safe.” Loki shuddered and shifted the covers further to straddle my lap. Her hands smoothed along my shoulders and up my neck before she took my hand and settled it on her stomach, sighing softly.

           “Can you touch me for a little bit?” She requested, barely a murmur and I curled my arm around the small of her back to turn us over. Obliging, I cupped her face to touch the lines there and all the way down her shoulders to her breasts. She closed her eyes and sighed, head tipping back while I traced my fingertips over her cold flesh. I brought my lips against her breasts and she moaned lowly before I realized she was pleasuring herself to my caresses. So I took my time as she worked her fingers between her legs, massaging down her shoulders and breasts before I traced up her collar again. She bit into her bottom lip and let me kiss down her neck, twisting her nipples as I did to elicit a louder moan. I sucked on a spot when I shifted to her hips and her thighs parted, allowing me to watch her masturbate. Her legs were quivering, the opening twitched for me to touch her again so I pressed two fingers inside and felt her body cry with an arch.

           “Don’t stop,” I came down and began kissing her inner thighs while she rubbed her clit to the feel of me pumping my fingers inside her. Loki whined and stopped only to push me up against the headboard so she could straddled my lap again.

           “I want to ride you,” she positioned my hand and came down along my fingers again, readily bouncing as I met her thrusting before nails drew like talons into my shoulders. I held her close and pleasured her, my lips coaxed her nipples to hard buds again while she tipped her head back and rode my hand until I brought my other over to work her clit. The bundle slipped against me rhythmically so she buried her face into my neck and muffled a groan. “I’m coming.” She warned, rocking and seizing up as she tried to ride out the waves of pleasure. My hair was pulled roughly when Loki arched up, thigh shaking, and I moved to settle her against the bed. Skin faded to its pale color while I turned her on her side to get behind her body, shifting under the covers so I could hold her tightly. I felt her emotions spill over to where I wanted them until she was clinging to me and curling up to sob into the pillows. I let her mourn like we had many times before I placed my hand atop her head and uttered a single world.

           “ _Sleep_.”

** ** **

           Loki didn’t rise that morning so I forced my body out of bed to get ready while he curled under the covers. My prince. Naaki got comfortable just above his head and I leaned against the doorway as I watched him lie there in with a bland expression. Idly, I tied a deep purple wrap dress around my body

           “Beige. Grey. Lavender.” I observed aloud and he didn’t comment. “Dull yellows at the center.”

           “I’m not up to it today,” he sighed, hair a mess along the sheet. Crawling behind him, I kissed his bare shoulder and tucked a few strands from his cheek.

           “We discussed this. We both have our days and we’re allowed to have them. I’ll start our laundry.” I waited until he shifted on his back, bringing a hand up to cup my cheek. “Let me make you something warm to eat.” Loki brought me in for a slow kiss in response, running his knuckles along my scar. “Rest.”

           “I’m grateful you’re here with me.” His bottom lip quivered so I came down for another sweet kiss, getting up to go into the kitchen. Naaki joined me and meowed until I opened a can of food and scratched her head, amused. After a few bites, she picked the can up in her teeth and bounded for the room.

           “Naaki!” I grabbed a towel. “You’ll spill it everywhere.” Swiping up the drops, I heated the oven to fry a simple plate of eggs before making toast. Loki was sitting up, watching Naaki paw to get the last of the food out of her can before she joined him and gave herself a bath. “She wants to make you feel better,” I giggled when Naaki stretched out next to Loki for her nap. He huffed and settled a hand on her. “Eat something.” I set the plate next to him. “I should head out soon.”

           “You should eat as well.”

           “No appetite yet,” I tried but Loki held out some toast before I parted my lips and took a bite, chewing while I enjoyed the slice. “Happy?”

           “I suppose.” Loki skimmed his fingers down my arm. “See you tonight?”

           “Yes.” I leaned in to kiss him, fingers sinking into his hair as I did.

           “You are everything,” he confessed once I’d pulled from him.

           “I love you, Loki. So much. We’re going to make it.” I watched him nod and smiled before turning to go out. The cold licked my skin so I closed my coat around my dress and got to our car. Peter was perched alone with a skateboard under his arm on the stone rail of the library. I rolled down the window and leaned out, causing his head to instantly turn toward me. Peter smiled and came around the car to get in. “Do you have a sense for people as well, Peter?”

           “Spider sense,” he tapped his temple and I chuckled, rolling up my window before I looked out and took off. “So, Asgardians can get drivers licenses? When did you take your test?”

           “ _Ha_.  _Test_?” I scoffed at that and we got to a red light so I pulled out my wallet and dropped it in his lap. “Check my ID.”

           “…Camille?” he read the name and closed it. “I see.”

           “I’ve been hiding on Midgard for a while.”

           “Midgard?”

           “Oh, forgive me, I must be comfortable.  _Earth_.” I turned the corner and Peter watched me.

           “Right, yeah… Thor told me a bit.”

           “Have you fought with him?”

           “No, I wish, I pulled out of the game for a while.”

           “What brought you back?” I peered at him and smiled to set him at ease.

           “Couple of things.” He shrugged. “I have these powers. Might as well do some good with them.”

           “If you don’t mind? How did you get them?”

           “Radioactive spider. Oscorp. The rest, I built.” Peter pulled back his sleeve to show me the web shooters.

           “Impressive. You’d enjoy Asgard as much as Jane Foster did.”

           “If that’s an invitation, I accept. How many teens get another realm as a vacation spot? M.J. would love it and I’d be the best boyfriend ever.” I laughed at that as we drove into a parking garage.

           “As long as you don’t mind the dangerous wilds and the fact that my race courts war for breakfast.”

           “If the food is heavenly, I’d risk it.”

           “You’re a charming boy, Peter.” I parked and he followed me out, skateboard in hand while he adjusted his backpack.

           “Tony said you got your powers from an elf. Do other Asgardians have superpowers?”

           “Not exactly,” I inhaled the crisp air. “Not like me.”

           “Does it help then…being on Earth with people kind of like you?”

           “I like to think so. Still searching for those who have the similar powers I do. But, I am contented right now with the friendships I’ve made.” We stopped in front of a window full of televisions showing the news.

            _“After the accident with the man The Daily Bugle has dubbed, Doc Ock: Harry Osborn, new CEO of Oscorp and son of Norman Osborn has refused to comment…”_

           “I’m sorry about your friend.” I glanced at Peter when he came forward to watch.

           “Your girlfriend, Ava… Was she alright?”

           “She’s better now, yes.” I paused. “Maybe, I should go to Harry and speak with him again. I wish I could do more.”

           “How come he doesn’t remember…?” Peter trailed off when it dawned on him as I stared.

           “There are many things I can do… I cannot cure Harry as I am now and I cannot allow him to study me. Still, I wonder if I should reach out but…his reaction to my refusal was…daunting.”

           “His father spent more time studying me than Harry, his own son…” Peter added and I touched his back, nodding for us to keep walking. “I lost my parents when I was young. Harry was always there for me.”

           “I have some experience in brotherly quarrels,” I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “It is my belief that you can find your way back to each other.”

           “Thor and Loki?” He guessed. “Heard a lot about that, not just what I saw on the news. Can’t imagine that level of…” Peter trailed off. “That footage of you fighting Loki really jarred a few of them up in the tower.”

           “Footage?” I asked and Peter touched the back of his head.

           “I’m sorry, I just figured you saw it.”

           “What footage, Peter?”

           “I hope I’m not ruining this, you seem like a good person and, well, I think I trust you but, I was snooping in Stark’s files when he let me in the lab and I just saw some things. Between you and I, you really let him...Loki, have it and I felt like I understood…the rage and all, I mean.”

           “…I just didn’t know I was being recorded.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, it’s long in the past. Sort of…” I nodded. “Come, the tower is just up the block.”

** ** **

           “How is it, Invisa-Woman and Stretch get back to me first thing in the morning, despite living farther away but, you two-”

           “Peter’s studies should come before Spider-Man.” I cocked my head, comfortable on the sofa. Tony was across from Peter and I, scolding us like a father would while he pointed his finger. Steve leaned over the couch as Natasha, Sam, and Clint sat around a nearby table.

           “We’re just glad no one else got hurt, you all did the right thing.” Steve eased like a mother in turn.

           “No, we’re also angry,” Tony crossed his arms and Steve huffed.

           “Do you have a location on Octavius?” I asked and Tony dropped his shoulders.

           “Disappeared. Maria Hill sent a few agents out, asked around in our circle but she has other matters that need attending.” Steve came around to sit on the couch. “This city crumbling, Tony, the government is asking questions. They’ll get nervous.”

           “Maybe that’s what we need after what happened this morning.”

           “Wait, what happened?” I cut over before Steve could respond to Tony’s statement. When no one spoke, Natasha took the pad out of Clint’s hand and came over.

           “A shelter in upper Hamilton was raided. Men with guns. Seven civilians dead. Attackers were killed too. Twenty wounded but recovering. We think it had to do with the fact that the shelter in question was possibly harbouring mutants specifically.”

           “So the news found what happened at Oscorp to be a better story and left this a footnote.” I got up and crossed to the window. “Unreal. For months, I taught mutants and non-mutants alike in my class but I knew I wasn’t doing enough…and this? What next?”

           “Police did what they could,” Clint tried. “But, crime is up ever since Loki-”

           “I know…Asgard went through something similar.” I crossed my arms. “Your world is frightened. You’ve arrived at a messy time, Sam.”

           “My secret talent, I guess,” he leaned back in his chair.

           “Where’s Bruce?” I asked after a moment.

           “The lab. Sweeping for any type of signal to Dr. Octavius’s location.” Tony stood with a bottle of water in hand. “This won’t be pretty for Oscorp.”

           “If this city falls apart, what can we do?” I shrugged and leaned against the metal frame along the window, peering outside. “The rest of the world will follow. No doubt other spots about the globe are teetering… Super-humans and mutants popping up. Frightened government. It’s the rumors that are deadly.”

           “Spider-Man is going to be on the cover of the Daily Bugle all this week because he let Doc Ock go.” Peter rubbed his face and huffed, sitting back. “I need a new job.”

           “We’ve kept the government off you but they’ll start asking questions again,” Steve glanced at me and I nodded. “Every time something goes wrong, you’re there and you’re not exactly…legally on the Earth. Sorry.”

           “Well, I’m not trying to plan my schedule around terrible things. I just want a candlelit dinner and dance with the person I love. I’m certain that Steve Rogers in either timeframe will understand.” I stared at him and Tony stepped in.

           “Cool it on the guy, he found out he died for nothing just weeks ago.”

           “We’ve all been there,” I jested in response, lowering my guard and Steve gave me that charming half-smile I knew.

           “We'll handle this because we’re the best people equipped to.” Steve was so very certain as they all went on. Cold air blew through my dress as they spoke behind me and I zoned out to gaze at the buildings outside. My mind unfurled and clawed to increase. The sounds of softs breaths came first before I felt fingers tucking my hair behind my ear, each strand tugged and I thought my skin would peel away to expose my raw muscles. My friends were talking so slowly and I couldn’t hear them. I parted my lips and tried to ask for help. The synapses along my brain weren’t up to relaying the message.

            _“Come to me.”_ Thanos was uttering behind my ears.  _“Bring each of them. One by one. Line them up. Sink to your knees.”_  I looked at my hands to see the scar left by the mind gem opening up to let blood flow out.  _Down. Down. Down._  Yellow light shined between my skin and I snapped backwards, almost tripping if Peter hadn’t shot a web out behind my back to stop me. My breath filled my lungs like water and I almost choked, gasping out instead.

           “…What happened?” It all vanished. I scrambled back up and braced myself against the window. They all just stared at me like I was  _insane_.

           “You just started shivering…” Peter replied first, confused when no one else did. “I saw you trip backwards and caught you.”

           “Come sit down,” Natasha came to my side and Steve helped her put me on the couch.

           “Is she okay?” Peter asked, glancing up and shooting a web out before yanking back. He offered me a bottle of water and I accepted, drinking to calm myself.

           “I don’t know, I’ve just been…I think it’s a side effect…from the stone or something. I don’t know, I don’t. I’m hearing things, it’s nothing.” I tried to believe it were so. “It’s happened in some length even before the mind stone, I’m fine.” I massaged my hand, glancing just once at the mind stone’s signature into my flesh.

           “That doesn’t sound like nothing.” Clint offered after a beat when I stood and Tony opened the window. We shared a common look and I lowered my gaze, wishing a black hole would just open up in the floor and let me relax in it.

           “I think I’d like to go speak with Bruce, he’s in the lab, yes?” I was already nearing the elevator. “I’m afraid, I cannot tell you anything more about what happened at Oscorp. I wish I could. Tony, I’d like to donate some money to that shelter that was attacked, could you help with that?”

           “Sure,” he paused, “let me get you downstairs.” I didn’t protest because he’d already joined me in the elevator.

           “Take a beat,” Sam offered, hurrying to hand me my water and I smiled.

           “Thank you.” The doors shut and Tony paused before pressing the button.

           “You almost had a panic attack.” He muttered. “I get them too.”

           “I imagine you do. What helps you?”

           “Usually Pepper or Rhodes can slow my ass down before I can jump into a suit.  _Usually_.” He repeated and I turned my head to see him.

           “Loki used to walk me through mine.” I swallowed and Tony glanced back at me. “Occasionally, they ravaged his mind as well. I’m happy that you and Steve have found a bond. We might have been comrades when we came together to fight, but it’s…better being here without that obligation. Granted there are some. I get to interact with mortals as myself, I think all of you can understand such things.”

           “If someone or something is threatening you…you had better tell us before it comes out. It’ll be ugly that way.”

           “Most people are a threat to me. So they think.” I stared at him. “The voices come and go. Some are stronger than others. Sometimes those tones surprise you and block the rest. That’s it. There are beings stronger than Asgardians, Tony. Terrible beings that your world will never be able to prepare for. You build a gun, they’ll catch the bullet. Shield thought they could try…foolish.” I watched Tony press a button to stop the elevator and turn to face me before moving to sit down against the wall. Huffing, I joined him across the way and shrugged.

           “The second you swallowed that stone, I knew you were brave and I knew I couldn’t trust you. I do still even though I shouldn’t. Shield pegged you as the wild card. But, we know you just want to do what's right and we can get beside that.”

           “I appreciate that and I do not blame you.” I looked away and he leaned forward.

           “Talk.”

           “I think he’s getting in. That titan. No doubt, Thor told you what he could about certain things that transpired between our battle and what happened in Asgard after. Sometimes, I think he’s taunting me just because he can. He’s upset with me but he doesn’t want me dead. Not yet. He wasn’t the only one to taunt me…but he’s the only one alive who is doing it. Most voices that touch my brain are long gone. We destroyed his army…if he gains the means, he’ll come back. There are so many who serve him. Loki spoke during his imprisonment of a Black Order. Not like the Chitauri. He's enslaved innocents as well. Killed millions. He will find me.”

           Perhaps, Thanos has always been here.

           “Then we stop him, but we need you to be in this if you’re going to be here now.”

           “I am in this now. I promise. Thank you, Tony.” I sighed, running a hand over my hair. “I don’t relish putting my baggage atop others, I know you do not either. Yours friends mentioned you’re not sleeping. If it is nightmares, I believe I can help.”

           “It’s everything.” Tony admitted, relaxing. “Loki was a just catalyst, he opened the world.”

           “Heroes rose,” I shrugged. “But so did villains. How have Nick Fury’s travels gone?”

           “He’s got a lead for a Hydra base outside the country. Probably call in the team to bring it down.”

           “Should he need Thor,” I swallowed, “I’ll see what I can do to contact him.”

           “Won’t be a party without him. Our Hulk won’t have anyone to smash things with.” Tony stood and I followed, chuckling. “We need you, Psych. All right?” The elevator continued and I nodded, sighing.

           “Yes, of course.” Guilt swirled when I thought of Loki sitting at home. He’d triggered this. All of it. But, I smiled when Tony peered at me before joining Bruce in the lab.

           Thanos ravaged the air around me and I could only hold my breath for so long.

            _Enjoy these last moments of peace_.

           My own voice sounded foreign in my head.

** ** **

           “And so I come downstairs and find him, still in the suit, while all these claws are trying to take it off,” Pepper roused laughter, “I’m stunned and he just stares at me like it was nothing.”

           “That was how you discovered he was Iron Man?” Steve finished his slice of pizza.

           “Tony never cared for his secret identity.” Rhodes added, opening a box to take a slice.

           “Well, we can’t all be Tony  _friggin’_ Stark, some of us have to show up for calculus the next morning,” Peter set his hands out when a few of us glanced at him.

           “Your friend got the better of the names between your suits, Tony,” I cocked my head. “War Machine. ”

           “Thank you,” Rhodes set out his cup and I clicked glasses with him before Tony made a face.

           “Come on, she grew up with Thor, spill some dirty secrets so I can bare to look at the guy.” Tony leaned back and crossed his arms before Steve shrugged.

           “I think I’m with Tony on this one.”

           “I don’t think any of you are ready for Thor’s dirty secrets but, let me think of something…” I pressed a napkin to my lips after swallowing a bite. Sam and Clint went out to bring food back after Pepper and Rhodes had joined us for this dinner. I enjoyed sitting around a table, despite the beer tasting like water.

           “Come on, spill it,” Clint chuckled when Natasha nudged him.

           “He’s already denied being anything like the mythology.”

           “Well, that was a little out there in certain places,” I added. “Thor…he’s just. He’s not one to get embarrassed easily. He got into trouble often when he was young over little things, like his temper. He’s a hotheaded man. There was one able to embarrass him but I think you all know who.”

           “Oh.” Bruce cleared his throat.

           “Yeah. Oh.” I quirked up my brow. “Once, when we were young, my friends and I…we went to this lake late at night and well, Thor took a dare to skinny dip so Loki grabbed his clothing and we all dashed back to the palace. I remember Thor shouting about before he comes rushing in the palace, coated in mud and grass…covering himself as best he could. He’s already been seen be at least fifty people because he was yelling all over the place. We were all on the floor laughing until Odin and his Elders Council of advisers came around the corner to see their beloved, future king completely nude, dirty and tackling his own brother down, pinning him against the floor…” When I got everyone to break into laughter, I tried to keep it together before giggles burst between syllables. “The elders…were completely distraught over the whole thing because…well, there were  _implications_  and so they went into fasting for…a while. Wasn't their first time doing that. Loki regretted after.”

           “Question, if I bring this up, how upset will he be?” Tony leaned over and I was still laughing.

           “I mean, Thor makes the ancestors of his enemies weep. His words. So, if you value your life, maybe not. But, as someone thoroughly entertained by the possible outcome, yeah, sure…bring it up.” I shrugged and Sam nudged me, covering his lips while he laughed and took a long drink. Peter glanced down at his phone and sat up.

           “Hey, I got to meet Mary Jane soon. This was fun.  _Interesting_. Not sure if I’ll be able to look Thor in the eye.” Peter picked up his bag and I stood.

           “Need a ride again?”

           “It’s dark, I should be fine.” Peter picked up his bag and I wet a napkin before wiping the corner of his lip.

           “You have sauce of your face, child.” I held his shoulder and he made a face.

           “Gee. Thanks.”

           “Hey, I’m old, I try to look out for the children.” I winked and roused a few more chuckles. “Look presentable for your girlfriend. Tell her I said hello.”

           “Will do, I’ll see you guys later. Let me know if you locate Octavius.” Peter waved and opened the window, jumping out and Tony huffed.

           “I built doors for a  _reason_.” He stood and I closed the window for him.

           “It’s late, I should head out as well.” I smiled, setting my hands on my hips. “We should do this again.” I passed Steve and touched his shoulder. “Thank you for having me, Tony.”

           “You do know that I’m setting up rooms for the team up top, you can stay longer soon.”

           “I’ll expect another tour when those are finished.” I shook Pepper and Rhodes’s hands. “Watch out for this one, he’s sentimental.”

           “ _Logical_.” Tony corrected and Steve snorted to himself. “Rude.”

           “Have a goodnight. I’ll use the front door if it makes you feel better.” I put on my coat, earning a few waves and farewells.

           “ _Thank you_.” Tony gestured and I snickered, going out. The air was freezing now so I hurried to my car and yawned, making my way back down the cold streets. It grew empty as I got closer, stopping at a red light. I took a moment to rub my eyes, sighing while I sat back and turned up the music. Reaching, I adjusted the mirror and Nerien looked at me from the back seat.

           “ _Increase, my dear_.” He uttered before I turned to see him gone, only to turn back to an undead, greying child in my passenger seat. She looked healthier than I'd ever seen her. Haunted and unblinking. Whole and without decay.

           “Shit!” I jumped while she stared before I hit the accelerator.

           “ _You’re scaring me.”_ Her whine was monotone.

           “No, I’m not,” I swerved around a corner and sped down the empty street, barely glancing at her. “What do you want?”

            _“What you want, of course. Silly. I am feeling much better now. I like this."_  She giggled and I smacked my foot against the brake, skidding and wishing she’d fly away from me. “ _You’re upset with us_.”

           “I’m upset at myself.” I stared at the red light.

           “ _What’s the difference?_ ” She got me to stare back with a somber expression.

           “What will happen when he gets in?” I swallowed, eyes on the road before I shook my head as a huge truck pulled up behind me.

           “ _What will happen if he doesn’t?”_ She read my mind and was gone when I looked back. Huffing, I growled and gripped the wheel to go when the light turned green. I was so damn frazzled and cautious. But, that didn’t matter. Next, I knew, I was skidding forward by tumultuous force. Blaring white blinded me and metal crunched into my side while I smashed my head against the wheel and my car was sent spinning over. My scream didn’t carry as I screeched to a stop after four turns, upside down. My hairline bled where the window smashed against it and I blinked, weakly feeling around. Stuck, I peered out to see military vehicles surrounding me. _Move!_ I pulled out the Avengers device Tony had given me and pressed my thumb into the one button on it before I dropped it. Men were getting out with guns so I scrambled to find my phone, dialing Loki.

           “Sweetheart?” He asked and I choked on my words.

           “Compromised.” I dropped my phone too as I pulled my seatbelt off and groaned when I fell on my side. Loki was sputtering distant questions. “Not Hydra. Six vehicles. Thirty mortals. Government owned- _It hurts._ ” I clawed my way out and I tried to get up, stumbling on my side before I pulled a metal shard from my hip. I tried to fly in my daze but three men jerked me back to the earth and sprayed something bitter in my face. I hissed like a mad cat and scrambled back against the pavement while I was circled.

           “Witnesses, over there, take care of them.” One man began and I recognized the voice but the one that followed sent shock up my spine.

           “Shit. Oh, oh shit. Fuck. What’d you do?” Harry Osborn was shaken like an addict and kneeling over me. Breathing softly, I tried to move but the toxin in my system turned me to jelly. He pulled a cloth from his pocket and dabbed my forehead. It felt more like he was trying to comfort me than use me. My fingers tried to grasp his sleeve and missed before he pocketed the fabric. “You didn’t tell me you’d hurt her, we’re just getting the sample. You lied! Don't hurt her... You said you’d- _ah!”_ Harry was smacked with the butt of a gun and I tried to turn over as men pawed at me to clamp my arms in restraints, tight against my chest. “Shit. Please. You said you didn’t want to hurt her.” They pulled me to my knees and I tried to speak.

           “Harry… Harry, help me,” I was limp, someone pulled my hair up and William Stryker was looking down at me with straight pins for eyes. I recalled them on so many men.

           “Get the van ready, hurry. It’s her. Move out.” He pulled out a gun and pointed it at Harry.

           “ _Don’t_.” I puffed, slurring like I was drunk before I was sprayed again. “Oscorp.”

           “Sir, if the Osborn boy is murdered or goes missing…” One agent began and Stryker lowered his gun. Oscorp was dying and so was he so what did it matter? Harry was pale and terrified, backing up while he peered back at me.

           “I just needed the sample, you said you wouldn’t-”

           “And we’ll get one, son. After, perhaps.”

           “Harry.” I kept repeating his name, lips slurring the words while my head fell against the hard earth again. “Help me. Harry Osborn. Please. Please, help me.” Harry was groaning across from me. A vehicle disguised as an ambulance rolled back and I heard men shooing off any who heard and came. “Harry…” My voice was so soft.

           “I didn’t know…” He touched the back of his head and spots of blood dripped from his fingers. Briefly, I thought he'd lick them. But, he didn't. He just wept over me. “Wait, where are you taking her?” He’d gotten up to his knees when a soldier pressed a gun subtly to his back. I could hear his heart beating against bone while mine slowed to a hum. Eyes wide, I just laid there while the men moved and spoke around me. “I didn’t want this. I didn't know. Please, don't hurt her.”

           “Son, you’ve done your country a massive service.” Stryker beckoned behind me and I managed to breathe. “One day, you’ll understand. Stay out of the way now and we'll put Oscorp back together for you after this ends.” The pavement was frozen against my cheek and I wished I could melt into it. I wished.

           “Harry, I know…I know, what it is to be thrown away…” I croaked. “Not…given a chance.”

           “Hurry it up, damn it,” Stryker moved out of sight and I was shaking, trying to move my boneless limbs.

           “Ignored… Not good enough. Sometimes…we don’t get a chance so we have to take it for ourselves. You can still… You’re _good._ I felt it.” My totaled car was scraped down the empty alleyway. “Harry, please help me.” Harry pressed his teeth and raged with hot tears, struggling while I was hauled away.

           “Son, if you deliver, you’ll get what you want.” Stryker’s manipulations attempted to settle Harry but he was still looking at me with those big, watery eyes before a bag was slipped over my face and car doors slammed.

** ** **

           Harry Osborn was shoved down into the trash next to the smoking vehicle. He didn’t move until they had gone before he scrambled to crawl through glass. His phone provided some light while he grabbed for her purse and heard the echoes from a cellphone and humming device a foot away from it. Harry pocketed the Avengers device and tentatively picked up the phone.

           “Who is this?” There was a beat. A long one. A snap outside the car broke the silence before Harry’s suit ripped when he was yanked out by a strong woman he recognized. Loki growled and shoved him against the wall while he still clutched the purse and phone.

           “Hey!” Harry pulled at the blonde woman’s wrists. “I didn’t know! I didn’t! I swear!”

           “What are you talking about?” She hissed with pristine, white teeth that were somehow unsettling when she growled. “Where is she?!”

           “They took her!”

           “Who?!”

           “The government. Stryker! William Stryker!”

           “Colonel Stryker…? Why would he want her?” Loki held Harry’s neck but lowered him against the wall.

           “I don’t know! I…he deals in weapons. Security.” Harry was sweaty and shaking. “Hey…I know you, you work for me.”

           “Consider this my resignation,” Loki pulled him up again and Harry put up his arms.

           “Stryker is leading the concerns with the mutant problem! His words...” Harry got this woman to slow. “That’s what he called it.”

           “She isn’t a mutant.”

           “She’s different. Powerful. I thought she could cure my illness and Stryker came to me this morning. Manipulated me. I…I let him. I thought he’d help. He said…he lied. I didn’t know he was going to kidnap her,  _christ_. I’m…I’m sorry.”

           “Where did he take her?” Loki was searching the boy’s pockets, tossing his cellphone against the wall.

           “Hey! I don’t know!”

           “What is this?” Loki pulled the Avengers device out.

           “Was in the car, I thought I could help.”

           “You’ve done enough,” Loki pushed Harry back into a pile of full trash bags, struggling. “I should just kill you now, give me her things.” When the purse was ripped away, Harry sobbed apologies. “Where was she taken?”

           “I honestly…I really don’t know. He lied to me. I just wanted a chance…I wanted to live.”

           “You don’t get to live at the expense of others!” Loki got in Harry’s face, raging with fire and anguish before her own words disgusted every fiber of her body. “Get up, I believe this device will summon her friends.”

           “I…”

           “Get the fuck up, boy!” Loki grabbed Harry’s arm and almost broke it, controlling herself. “You’re going to fall to your knees in front of the Avengers and tell them all so that we might find her in one piece. If we don’t, I’ll tear you apart.” The woman never searched the hidden pocket within his jacket. Harry felt sick to his stomach.

           At three in the morning, Harry Osborn burned that bloodied cloth over a sink.

** ** **

           The air smelled of rust and rubber when I woke. Somehow the clean scent of a hospital spread nausea over my body. The metal pieces and straps that held my limbs down were almost excessive, I could barely turn my neck. Drugs made everything come in slow waves but I started to weep regardless.

           “Please.” My heart tried to pick up as I looked around to see scientists with covered faces and soldiers with guns. And me with nothing.

           “Give her another dose.” Stryker ordered.

           “Sir, she’s had so many and her body is running it off quickly.”

           “She isn’t human, she can take it. Keep them up unless you want her to turn you inside out.”

           “Yes, sir.”

           “Colonel, the x-ray machine broke when we tried to use it…we think it won’t work on her.”

           “Open her up. See what you find. Keep her alive, we'll be sampling when we move her. Fascinating, the effects on her body. Any human would surely die.” Stryker stood over me and my eyes glazed over. My nightmare was becoming a reality. Slowly. Then, all at once.

           “Please, don’t…” I clenched my teeth and tried to expand, eyes darting in all directions. “Oh…Oh gods, mutant souls… Ngh…No, they’re in pain.” I counted but a few in other rooms, eyes growing wide before I snapped back. “You torture them.”

           “I study and contain them. I don’t hate mutants. I just know what they can do. I’m merely a patriot.” Stryker clasped his fingers and I felt hands tugging at my clothing, one untied my wrap dress and purple fabric was cut away from my skin. My limbs froze to become painful and rigid. I closed my eyes, more tears fell when the light above grew hot against my skin.

           “ _Don’t cry, just relax_.” My stepfather kissed my hair and inhaled. I felt them all looking at me with ice in their eyes. I was shuddering and crying aloud now, unable to thrash. They looked at my naked body with such disgust and apprehension. Taking curious notes. Rubber gloved hands prodded.

           “You’re…a monster. A  _terrorist_.” My words caused him to slap me and he hissed out, holding his hand as the impact hurt him more than I. Shaken lips split at that.

           “You’re just a  _heathen_.”

           “ _Heathen_.” I breathed in an airy tone, chest shuddering as I tasted the word. “Perhaps.”

           “You don’t belong here… I think it’ll be better to keep her awake for the procedure. Study. See what you find. Keep her alive. We’ll move the others first and wait until we know she won’t be a problem.” Stryker was giving orders and one man paused with a scalpel in hand before needles were pressed into my skin, they had to force them in and dig around to be effective.

           “Sir…it won’t stop crying.” A doctor was sweating, staring at me.

           “She’s just trying to sway you, get it together.” Stryker sneered as I was bared to them all. Two doctors set up a camera, inching it close toward my chest. They covered my bottom half and swapped something sterile down my front but I didn’t feel it. “Open it up.” He was walking out with others to stand behind glass and I was in a daze but I found my voice.

           “I saved your life…” I wheezed and he stopped to turn.

           “It must have been destiny so that I could continue my work by the hand of a god. You gave me that and more. Thank you.” I screamed until they had to force a ball gag between my lips, muffling the sounds. I waited for my friends to fly down and save me just in time. It always happened in fairy tales and fantasies that way. Always. Saved before the princess could feel the heat of dragon’s fire. But, this wasn’t a fairy tale. This was a long awaited nightmare. I once prayed to be seen and coveted and I would pay for that in these moments as blade touched skin.

           At the slight angle, I could see him struggle to cut my flesh open before the blade dulled and he kept having to open new ones. It amused me in my delirious state of shock. It took four doctors to cut a V shape before they cut a line down at the tip to open me up. My flesh was heaved away from my ribcage and I felt nothing but air whistling through bone and organs. They took pictures and notes, forcing metal instruments into me to keep my skin open. Hours ticked away and I just stared down at myself. Slowly, it tried to heal like the process of watching paint dry but they didn’t allow it. My head twitched, eyes glued to my heart just barely visible. It beat even when I told it to just stop. I didn’t die, but I wasn’t alive. They stared at the most intimate and exposed pieces of my body and I wept until something snapped inside my brain and sent me into Thanos’ warm arms. He smiled at me and carried me up a set of stairs in his decaying world as hooded figures walked about. The stars were so bright and completely dead while he rumbled.

            _“Welcome home.”_

*** *** ***

           They sewed me shut with the hopes I might self heal but the process was long and painful. It must have made for good pictures because they took dozens. Naked, I was strapped down until I wet myself from the shock of it all and they shot me with extra drugs before attempting to clean me off. When I woke, I just cried ugly sniffles, coughing as I choked on saliva and snot. The drugs kept me docile and I didn’t dare fall asleep but sometimes it was forced. They spent time putting fluids in me to see the effects on my mind and body. Would my heart speed or slow? Could I talk? Would I comply?

           Hours shed and time was nothing. Had I been here a day? A week? They fed flavored fluids up my nose once a day to force me to stay alive and constantly kept the drugs flowing while my body shed it off. A woman came in to pull the stitches from my chest while they took more photos and marveled at how fast I had apparently healed.

           “Drugs seem to be working in high, constant doses.” One man was speaking into a recorder and I stared at the woman concentrating. The pain was good. It kept me level. Kept me here. Awake. Wide awake. I told them lies to drive them up the wall.

           “I see all, mortals. I know…your secrets.” I bit my lip and giggled, weak. “You’re married. I see that ring under your glove. Your spouse fucks other women when you’re here, you know.”

           “Shut up!” The doctor raged, standing.

           “She’s just playing mind games.” Another tried and I was smiling, head twitching again.

           “And you…you’re not even fit for this job and they all see it. He’s going to replace you and stick you at a desk. Women find you repulsive.”

           “Bitch!”

           “You are all boring and unloved.” I was relentless.

           Minutes went on, I told them lies I guessed about their lives as a game while the days passed and waited to see who would shove the gag in my mouth. When they left, I wept and chewed myself lose as my lips dried out, cracking. Only sometimes did Stryker come alone and wait behind the camera. Talking in soothing tones to tell me what I was. _Heathen._ They didn’t cut me open again but on rare occasions of forced sleep, I woke drowsy to prods down my throat, cameras mapping out my insides. The next day, they were told to put my legs on stirrups to explore up deep into my body. I screamed the entire time until they were forced to stop and continue when I was docile again. They didn’t take anything major aside from the hard work I put into my brain to stay safe. But, the recording, pictures, and notes told me that when I was moved, they’d be taking everything else. Pinned like a butterfly, they were mystified. I was desired. Through my tears, I heard voices but one day, a delirious tone touched my ears from a vent in the wall and I stopped crying. It started as a hum and I struggled feebly in my bonds, rubbing my skin raw as I did.

           “Who’s there…?” I asked in an unpleasant croak. The humming was soft and I realized it was a tune. A song. I went deathly quiet; sniffling while an older voice, clearly drugged, hummed and sang softly in Hebrew to me. I went still and blanked out. The voice was warm. A soul rippling with years of pain. A fierce drive to force the world to make sense. That, I understood. I didn’t ask who it was but I felt the kindness of a mutant soul reaching out to comfort me through this hell. The old man brought me back, even through his daze, the soft songs continued in moments I was alone. So, I returned his song, shaken ancient hymns that my mother would sing in our own language. He never said anything and I didn’t think he could. These songs were the only connection to the world now. But, I felt him.

           The next day, his soul disappeared and I wept at the loss, finally wishing that I would be next. They left me alone that morning and I heard all the marching outside as they moved, presumably to the new facility that was talked about. I waited so long for them to come for me but what I got was blaring red light. Alarms that screamed against my ear drums. Until the power switched off and my bonds opened.  _Click. Click. Click._  My insides screamed as I moved for the first time in what could have been weeks. The light came back up and I rolled out of my metal cot, needles yanked from my skin. The thin paper covers tore from me. I stumbled and used a table to pull myself up. I had a chance at freedom. _I would not court freedom any longer. I’d ravage it._ My head began to clear for the first time as I stood and looked down at my trembled fingers. Dancing red and yellow light brought me comfort. And then, a violent shade of orange. The allusive shade that hid deep within me. The mysterious sunset colors that would haunt me down the line. A loving embrace of rage contorted my insides and I was looking at myself in the two-way mirror, sickly and naked while rejuvenation greeted my skin. I pulled a hospital gown from a hook and braced myself against my cot before I stumbled to drink down as much water as I could in a sink.

           My smile was wide and not that of a human when I stared at the mirror.

            _Oh. I was not human_ , I remembered.

           “ _I am a god_.” My fist sent the mirror crashing to pieces before I climbed over and stumbled along the walls while quieter alarms alerted everyone to evacuate. Doors flew from weak hinges. I tried to branch out and feel the mutant souls in this area but they were long gone. The thin hospital gown provided very little before the elevator doors opened while I was stumbling and men with guns pointed at me.

 _Red._ I saw red. I bit and ripped and plucked them apart until blood pooled into the elevator as I went up. It screeched to a stop and I smashed the buttons with no avail before I pried the doors open, eyes wide at the sight before I vomited up some drugs abruptly. The walls were littered in claw marks and stained in drying blood. Bodies created a path like pieces of candy. I felt genuine excitement as I indulged, following. I paused only when I heard a bang and three scientists tried to block a doorway from me but I kicked the door open. They cowered and I lingered, licking my lips.

           “You helped with my…exposure.”

           “We were just following orders!” A man backed up and they sank to the floor in a huddle.

           “And that’s my problem? You think that’s an excuse? …Your mistake.” I droned, my breath shuddered as I inhaled. “You know, it’s funny…dirty souls have a smoking spice to them that I just cannot place.” I was exhaling in slow motions, revving up. My lips parted to moan. Saliva pooled. “ _I’m starving…_ ” I lunged, hands grasping for skin until I was able to branch out and devour their souls, ripping them from struggling bodies until blood sputtered out of orifices. The last tried to escape but my hand shot out and for the first time, I felt her soul tug without touching her. I gasped aloud and the sensation was gone when I grabbed her hair and yanked. The floor dented. I cracked her skull open and stopped to look at her clothing. “Pardon. What size are you?” She opened her mouth and let off a striking, drawn out croak as she bled out her skull onto the floor. “No need, I’ll find out. Thank you.” I felt blood rushing into my cheek while I ate her up, my  _girlish_  glow shimmered and I bit my lips as I drew power from them. Ruffling my curls to revive them, I turned her over and checked the tags. “Close enough.” I stole her clothing and pulled on the boots of a soldier from the hallway before I continued my rampage to catch up with the other being slaughtering untold numbers. In my bloodied clothing, I came upon a man. Hairy and bulging with that delicious outline to his soul. Mutant. I sank to my knees and watched three shining claws snap from his knuckles and disappear into a soldier before he yanked back and turned to see me with devices and cords wrapped around his head and body.

           We stared at each other. Awestruck. He was naked and wet, dripping onto the floor and I came up, standing slightly taller than him.

           “Look at you… _lovable scamp_.” I felt agony in his bones. Lifetimes of it. As I approached, the claws sank back into his skin and he healed as if his skin could just snap back together. “You’re more man than any of them.” I reached up and he growled out so I broke the device from him, pulling wires away with it. He cried out, skin healing before I abruptly set my hands on his temples when he stepped toward me. Gasping, I found him caged deep inside in broken pieces. So I plucked a few and yanked them out with me. His claws snapped open and I probably would have let him stab me but he dropped his arms, blinking as he remembered.  

           “James Howlett.” I cocked my head.

           “Logan.” He corrected, touching his chest while he backed up. “The professor. The school.”

           “You…You know Charles Xavier…It's true. I knew it. The shelters I helped spoke so often of it.” I touched the tags hanging from his neck. “Wolverine.”

           “Who are you…? No… Wait, I know you. You’re that girl. Avenger.”

           “You have a history with William Stryker. He put me in here. Tortured me. Help me escape and we’ll get out of here with our lives.” I watched him pick up some pants folded off to the side and put them on.

           “I need to get the others out.”

           “…You don’t get it.” I sighed and he faced me. “We’re the only ones here now. Your only chance is to steal what you can and follow the breadcrumbs.” I passed him and opened a computer, bypassing passwords so I could steal everything they took of me. “Damn it, communications are down.” I tossed him a flash drive and he stared at me with hard eyes, lifting his brow. Most of my files had been printed out so I ripped open a cabinet and hugged the thick file to my chest, under the coat I stole, pocketing another flash drive. “We’re going to be caught unless we go. Will you help me?” I let my own fear betray me and watched him soften, cocking his head.

           “Get moving.”

** ** **

           We stumbled out, bloody and half-dressed into snow. My rush of adrenaline was running thin and I marched at Logan’s side, my body screamed to just die. I collapsed and he pulled at me.

           “Come on!” Snow was covering us so he helped me up, getting my arm around his neck. He was exquisitely gentle. “See that tower? We get help before we’re found by someone worse.”

           “You’re older than you look,” I mumbled, giggling. “So am I… The old man sang to me like he understood. I think he did… He’s caught with the rest. I couldn’t save them. What if they’re really gone?” My tears iced along bright pink cheeks as Logan kept me walking, we stopped so I could vomit up more drugs before he picked me up in his arms. Above us, a sleek plane hovered and snow was swept in all directions. “We’re dead… About time.”

           “No…we’re saved.” Logan fell to his knees and put one hand up to signal the plane as I slipped away from him.

           “I was right…about the lot of them. They tried to pin my wings.” I scoffed, weak and he stared at me. “Tried… Stryker better start praying to his gods. If this  _heathen_  ever sees him again, I’ll devour him. Slowly.”

           “Get in line, kid.” Logan was waving and shaking me with his other arm. “Hey, stay awake.”

           “ _Kid?”_ I chuckled. “You all think I’m so young. I’ve lived a thousand stars over.” Logan was standing and picked me up again when my legs bent to go limp before the rest of my body followed until the cold was gone.

** ** **

           Grey fog surrounded me. I patrolled my iron gates alone, floating. The house behind me was so silent, filled with the guardians and voices I held. So, I walked in circles, chanting in my language silently to protect my mind for as long as I could. Grey sat, so at peace, and watched me toil from the steps.

           "This place is crumbling. We must build anew. It is what we wanted."

           "And the cost?" I tried not to snap, stilling to see her. "Yes...we must go." My eyes burned when I rubbed them and tried to forget Thanos’ arms around my body, holding me. The doctors and the way they prodded and pawed until I was opened up. Something burned my chest and I cried out, looking down to see the Y shaped scar disappear as it healed fully and I smelled mint. The heavens above opened, blinding me and I tried to run inside my gate but the walls peeled to pieces behind Grey so I was pulled up and away until I yelped out and snapped up in bed.

           “Easy.” The first voice I heard was gentle, evened out and I fell back. “Jean, she’ll want water.”

           “Where am I?” I got up again and scooted back, still in torn clothing with blankets draped over my cold body.

           “It’s alright. You’re safe.” A bald man in a wheelchair was consoling me while a tall woman with blood red hair brought me a glass of water. I blinked and felt a force poke at my mind before I touched my head.

           “Stop it, both of you!”

           “Forgive me, we tried to wake you but your mind is locked. I don’t often encounter that.”

           “You…You’re Professor Charles Xavier. I read about you. Your school. The rumors.” I searched and felt so many mutant souls rushing about. It was peaceful and I touched my chest. “You both tried to get in my head…why?”

           “Not all of us can help it sometimes,” The woman called Jean handed me water so I thanked her and gulped it down as greedily as I could. She pressed her lips and tilted them up at me so I relaxed. “Do you remember what happened?”

           “I was apprehended by William Stryker and his team. Studied. They didn’t take much…that I know of. But they were prepping to move me with the others.”

           “Others?” Charles watched me. So serene. It calmed me in turn.

           “There…There were other mutants.” My lip trembled and I didn’t let myself cry. I couldn’t let myself. “I don’t know where he was taking them but, I stole what I could.”

           “Yes, Logan gave us those files.” Jean nodded and I perked up, heaving slow breathes.

           “Logan… They were experimenting on him. Trying to. I think he escaped first and that’s how I was able to.” I touched my head and sighed.

           “Logan has a history with Stryker. He disappeared a few months ago from us and it was difficult to locate him. I managed to and we picked you both up.” Charles explained and I looked out, I was in a small laboratory among those who had saved my life.

           “We recognized you and your friends have been notified of your whereabouts. Are you well enough to stand?” Jean asked and I nodded, setting my legs over the side of the bed.

           “Logan said you helped him escape. Thank you for helping him get back to us.” Charles spoke while I stood carefully, still weak and so tired.

           “I’d like to thank him…” I trailed off, peering at them. “I’ve never been around this many mutants.”

           “We are no different from humans.” Charles smiled and I shook my head.

           “Sorry, I mean…I see it differently. Souls.” I watched them and stood taller. “You both keep trying to see into my mind. Is that your…power?”

           “More or less, Jean is a telepath and telekinetic. My mutation only touches the minds.” Charles smiled light at me again and I relaxed, holding my torn clothing around myself.

           “My abilities are similar. Thank you for taking me into your school. I understand the dangers that could have caused you.” I paused, holding myself tighter as they tried to read me. “Your souls… You’re both…calm somehow, despite the power. I long to achieve such a thing.”

           “It isn’t always like that when you have to feel everyone.” Jean beamed and I followed, unwinding before them.

           “No, it isn’t.” I agreed, swallowing.

           “You had a cut on your chest but it’s gone now. Logan said you threw up drugs a few times so you might feel weak and groggy over the week. I…I don’t exactly know how Asgardians heal. The information you gave us will take some searching but, with it, the X-Men might be able to save some others from Stryker’s grasp.” Jean came toward me and Charles shifted around the bed to go to her side.

           “X-Men?”

           “That is what they have taken to calling themselves,” Charles laughed to himself and I nodded before Jean continued.

           “Do you know why he took you?”

           “I’m a marvel, why not study me? Control me. Asgardian with exciting powers of mind and soul… Beings all over the realms covet to do what I can. To unlock secrets that could change things.” I shrugged, covering my lips with my hand to pull myself together. “I’m fine…I’m just thankful I’m here and not there anymore. How were we found…? We couldn’t communicate with the outside.” I watched them exchange looks before Charles answered.

           “Technology of my own design. I can track other beings in need. We searched a while for Logan, it seems they twisted his mind again but he says you brought him back. That was selfless of you.”

           “I just want to help those in need too.” I admitted in a breathy tone. “I know…your group is wary of the Avengers and others but should you ever be in need… I’m willing to lend my hand, I cannot thank you what you have done for me. I didn’t think I’d make it out.”

           “That is kind of you. I will consider your offer. Care for yourself first.” Charles replied and Jean came toward me, stopping only when I went stiff.

           “It isn’t you, they just…they did things to me.” I trembled, eyes shutting to block it out. I got myself back together and exhaled.

           “It’s all right, dear,” Charles offered, so understanding.

           “How is it, we cannot read your mind,” Jean asked after a moment of contemplation.

           “Runes, partially. My…gift mostly. Shutting others out was something I learned early. It doesn’t always work.” The door opened behind us and a man with deep red glasses peered in.

           “Avengers are here,” he grumbled, peering at me. “She alright?”

           “Yes, thank you,” I tilted my head and couldn’t see his eyes.

           “Thank you, Scott.” Charles wheeled forward and I followed him out with Jean.

           “Let’s get this done so they can go.” He muttered, side-eyeing me.

           “It’s all right that you dislike the Avengers. You don’t need to sulk and pretend you don’t. The government allots them a privilege you don’t have.” I uttered when Scott crossed his arms and turned to see me blinking at him.

           “Blunt and correct.”

           “Manners, Scott.” Charles chided and Scott kissed Jean before moving to open the door. I saw children glance at me and whisper as I passed, about half could pass for human while others had various noticeable mutations along their skin or eyes. I cast my gaze to the ground before gasping when a body lunged into me, arms wrapping around my frame.

           I didn’t find myself responsive to this warmth.

           “Ava…” I wheezed, holding myself instead while she teared up and held me close.

           "You found her." Steve had gasped.

           "It was Stryker." Xavier began when they came together.

           “Summers.” Steve approached and Scott made a face.

           “Rogers.”

           “Still not taking us up on our offer?”

           “I’m not an idiot, I have a school to watch. Bat your eyes at someone else.” Scott crossed his arms and Xavier got between them.

           “Captain Rogers,” he greeted with a handshake and I brought my focus back to Loki while she put a coat around my arms. I spotted Jean staring at Loki for a long moment before I shook my head with pleading eyes and she turned away. Steve finished speaking with Charles and came to me, carefully setting his arm around my shoulders to guide me out only when I consented while Ava held my waist. I felt numb. Floating away from them while they spoke in hushed tones.

           “Wait…” I paused, turning when I felt Logan’s soul nearby. I shrugged away from my friends and stopped near a set of steps as he came down. A woman with dark skin and stark-white hair was at his side.

           “You’re awake. Good. Leaving already?”

           “We need to get her home. We looked almost a month for her.” Steve piped up and my eyes went wide.

           “I was lying there for a month?” My voice was small and I saw Jean usher some curious children away.

           “I was talking to her, bub,” Logan craned his around me before he handed me a file and flash drive. “Ororo and Jean flew us out of there.”

           “Thank you as well,” I smiled at Ororo and she stood taller than Logan’s bulky frame with a grin.

           “Take care of yourself out there.”

           “For what you all have done for me, I’ll always be there if I’m needed.” I leaned up to kiss Logan’s cheek in thanks, holding the file close to my chest before I turned to go. “Do you shelter all mutants in need, Professor? If I were to send any your way…?”

           “They are always welcome under our roof.” Charles replied with a kind smile and I felt Steve reach for me so I went with him. Loki was shaking while she latched to me and I let her hold me. Jean waved and I watched the door close after a final farewell as Natasha leapt down from the plane they’d taken to flock to me, taking my arms after I nodded.

           “Let’s get you home.” The three of them helped me into the plane and I was utterly blank. Sam rushed to help Loki buckle me in. Clint and Natasha tried not to stare while they got back into pilot seats and I stared into space with a vacant expression. Charles must have told them everything because they didn't say much. I realized that Loki was among those he hated in disguise for a month and I peered at her, laughing to myself finally. She furrowed her brow at me and Tony approached with a bag of food. He cocked his head at me and I looked into his eyes before I grew nauseous. Steve lunged forward with a bucket for me to puke in. I dropped the file and pictures spread out as they helped me.

           “Let it out, Psyche.” Tony sighed and made no jokes while he held the bucket and Loki pulled my hair back. My friends were so careful and quiet with me. Sam took a seat to steady me while I vomited clear liquid and Steve picked up the photos of me on the slab. Cut open. I drank some water and peered up to see him grow pale, eyes wide and shaken before Tony turned around.

           “I’m sorry,” Steve heaved, lungs tremoring. “I...I'm sorry. It… Oh, god. She just looks...so much like…” He touched his chest and it was Tony who had to help his friend back into a seat. I could see the trauma flash into Steve’s soul from the war and ravage it.

           “Easy, buddy. I got it. Take a breath.” Tony turned his head and picked up the photos, sealing the file and flash drive into a plastic bag before I burst into tears, covering my face with my hand. I cried the whole way back to the tower, uttering the same things over and over again.

           “I couldn’t stop them… I couldn’t save them.”

           They told me it wasn’t my fault.

            _What did that matter?_

** ** **

           Bruce met us at the top of the tower and helped me down first from the plane before I collapsed into his arms, sobbing still. He had to partially carry me down into a room that he’d set up for me to heal in. I pressed myself into his gentle, sobered soul and he let me cling to him until Loki coaxed me into the bed.

           “Leave us for a moment.” Loki held back tears and petted my head as I calmed to distant sniffles. “Sweetheart, I’m here. You’re safe, I promise you.”

           “A month?” I squeaked. “How? Why?”

           “They searched long and wide for you. The mutants found you first. I did everything I could. Rogers didn’t give me away,” Loki whispered in my ear. “He threatened to if I stepped out of line. I traveled too and I just couldn’t find you, for a moment…I thought…” She shook her head and tried to be strong for me. “The Osborn boy gave us Stryker’s name but Shield was tied up with Hydra and this monster worked all over the globe. Rogers and Stark both tried to break through to their government but there was no proof. This government lends no aid for outsiders even if they're heroes.” Loki was caressing my face and bringing me into her arms. “They got the call and contacted me so I came here to ensure it was real. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t find you.” Loki was kissing my head and cheeks. None of this felt real. I didn’t feel real. She helped me into the bath, warm and filled with bubbles. I let her baby me, subtly healing wounds and washing me until my skin glowed again. I remembered devouring every soldier and scientist as I escaped and smiled, fond, while I stared out the window as Loki dried off my body. I wanted more. “Are you here with me?” She asked and I tried not to laugh.

           “No.” I droned out. She snapped my name and took my chin so that I would look into her eyes. I shrugged away and walked into the bedroom nude as she followed and tried to dress me. “They cut it off me.”

           “What, sweetheart?” Loki got me into bed again and I sank down, sighing.

           “My expensive wrap dress. The dark violet one. They just snipped it off and snipped me open to perform my autopsy while I was still alive.” I made scissor motions with two fingers and Loki took my hand to bring it down.  _Snip. Snip._ Someone knocked and Bruce poked his head back in. I could feel all of my friends at the doorway, listening. Wanting to come inside. I recalled Stryker’s gaze behind the two-way mirror. I could always feel him and his drones. Growling, my fists snapped up to my head as I tried to beat the memories out but Loki and Bruce stopped me with soothing tones.

           “We need you to eat,” Loki kept touching me as a means to keep herself together.

           “Banana or cherry?” I stared at the ceiling.

           “What?” Bruce took a seat by my bed and pulled my wrist up to feel my pulse as he spoke.

           “Those…were my options. But, of course, I could only drool into my gag. The soldiers laughed and had tubes fed into my body. The banana liquid was chalky. But the cherry tasted like sour milk smelled.” I shuddered and Bruce set a cold water bottle on the side table.

           “They’re wondering,” Bruce waited until I nodded to touch my neck, cool fingers checking me over, “if you both would stay here for a while.”

           “I’d rather take her home, I can watch her.” Loki’s tone was hard.

           “She is not well.” Bruce reasoned and I snorted at that.

           “Sorry, that tickles, doctor.” I tilted my chin up and let him press a cold stethoscope to my chest. Loki stared at me, aching and itching but contemplated the reality of our situation.

           “I’ll go retrieve some of her things later.” Loki swallowed, eyes elsewhere and Bruce nodded.

           “…What happened to Harry?” I recalled his eyes and the way he cried with so much regret. When Loki and Bruce exchanged looks, I felt myself shudder. “What happened to him?”

           “I cornered the boy after he realized his mistake too late and signaled the rest of us. He told us what happened. What he knew. The first week, he frequented the tower and tried to fix what he’d done. He was found in his office at Oscorp, overdosed on drugs. He’s still alive in the hospital but, he’s in a coma.”

           “…That isn’t what I wanted,” I stared at Loki and tried to get up. “That isn’t want I wanted!” Bruce had to press me back, trying to get me to breathe.

           “Stupid child!” I raged and swirled with pain that traveled down my joints. “Bring me to him!”

           “You need to rest,” Loki reasoned.

           “I can help,” I sniffled, shaking my head. “I can put him back together. I…I can…” I lunged and dodged to get out of the bed but Steve rushed to grab me before I could fall. I kicked and tuckered myself out until he squeezed with all his might, I was too tired and weak to do much else. Steve brought me down with him and I squirmed, whining and kicking as Sam came around him.

           “Steve, man, ease up.” He had to say and Steve, shaken still from earlier, let me loose. It was Clint who reached for me.

           “I know,” he uttered and I seized up while he nodded. “I get it. Come on, let’s get you strong and then we can deal with the rest.” Loki was at my side again, begging for me to come so I did. She tucked me in and touched my face.

           “Rest. Go to sleep. Close your eyes. I’m here.” I shook my head but my body was giving me little option as I sighed against the covers. I felt them all looking at me and closed my eyes to escape that. Loki kept caressing my arm and back to soothe me.

           “Give her some space,” Bruce offered and I heard the footsteps carry away. I pressed my eyes tighter to stop a flow of tears that shook my entire body. My palm touched my head, as if to press the rune keeping my mind and dreams together at bay. I fell asleep like that into nothingness. It wasn’t better. It wasn’t worse.

** ** **

           “I’m going to get her things so she can at least wake to some comfort since you all can barely muster it.” Loki shifted past and Tony crossed his arms.

           “As if any of us can undo it.” He retorted. “How is she, doctor?”

           “Physically, she appears alright. All vitals seem…normal, I don’t work on many Asgardians still.” Bruce fixed his glasses and pulled the covers up to her shoulders when she turned on her side. “You saw the photos, take a guess.”

           “I opened the flash drive,” Natasha swallowed, clearing her throat. “They took video evidence.”

           “What are we supposed to do with that, gather around with popcorn?” Tony sneered and turned to shove past Steve when they filed out.

           “I’m saying that unfortunately, it’s our only clue.” Natasha reasoned with a scrunched expression, eyes on the wall behind Steve. He shook his head.

           “I can’t.” He managed to swallow his bile. "We just need to be there for her. We're a team. She'd do the same for us."

           “Clue? What can we do about it? William Stryker is a major official on his own. He’s done worse and gotten out of it.” Tony replied. “The guy can’t be touched.”

           “She said there were others. No doubt the X-Men are on that but we should look into it.” Natasha reasoned. “She’ll want us to. I want to.”

           “Avengers assembling to the rescue indeed. Lost beyond belief when the most powerful of you is on the chopping block.” Loki turned to go and the rest of them went elsewhere to talk but Steve followed. They got outside and Loki went into an alley before Steve grabbed her arm and yanked her around to press into the wall. “Captain, you’re being rough.” Loki hissed, shifting into his usual self. “Is this to your liking?”

           “Save it. Nothing you do will prove  _shit_  to me. I’ve kept quiet and worked with you this month only for my friend. She deserves better than this but, I know she wants to keep you a damn secret.”

           “I’ve known that for lifetimes you’ll never imagine. She deserves better than this hell. I pray for a day when my wife's strength isn't measured by how much abuse she can endure. She deserves to live her life in peace. I've never, in my life, been able to protect her the way I wish. Perhaps, I deserve that. The numbing sensations inside her mind,” Loki pushed at Steve and sent him back a step. “Did you pay attention to how she was acting?  _Reserved_. She’s forced herself to stay like that until every piece of her snaps apart. She deserves what I’ll never be able to provide and I have to live with that. But, I don’t give two fucks about myself. My wife has suffered long for people unwilling to offer the same. She’s seen things that would send men like you into the ground hemorrhaging blood. I couldn’t protect her from being cut open and exposed, one of her biggest fears as we lived. So, excuse me if I don’t give a damn about your petty threats. You want to expose me? I dare you. The great Captain America. You know, men like you always pretend to do the right thing but you’re just protecting yourself. Cowards. All of us. I know you look at her and think of your precious James Barnes on the slab as well. Oh, he was so very handsome.”

           “ _Don’t!”_ Steve growled, grabbing Loki’s collar to punch him but he went on.

           “You only think of yourself in the end. Your own fears. I stopped pretending for her. She is my life now.”

           “And how does she feel about being  _your_  life. Did you ask?” Steve scoffed at him, letting him free. “I thought not.”

           “I have no interest in ruling this world as I’ve realized very quickly that it’s utterly pathetic and in truth, politics bore me as much as they bored Thor. I also have no interest in begging the forgiveness of you and your team. But, if you do anything to take away the life I’ve tried to build with her…I will end yours. Stay out of my way or work with me and I’ll offer the same. Your  _beloved_  friend is my wife and long-time companion and her heart is the one I’m focused on at the moment.”

           “You know,” Steve sniffed and stuffed his hand in his pockets. “Thor called you a hero. Told us how much you gave. How much he loved you for it. You’re still the same guy I watched on that tower. The bad guy. You’re the reason I have to pick up my shield.”

           “I’m not pretending to still be relevant to the world, Steve Rogers. That’s the difference between you and I. I want my life with that woman upstairs. I won’t pretend to be a hero and I won’t try to be the villain. I live in grey smoke quite comfortably. I live as I am with who I wish. Perhaps, you should trust the next generation to do better at long last. World won't make sense until then. My wife will show them the way because she was meant to lead them. It is just what she does for lost souls.” Loki moved to go, shifting into Ava as he walked and turned with a smirk. “Once you understand that in your heart… _you will know peace_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> William Stryker is terrifying and my skin crawls when I have to write him. Humans monsters, am I right? Apologizing in advance for being terrible again. Won't be the last time. Oh, does Stryker have a storm coming in the future...if that helps. Next one is part 2! Lady goes out to heal and a lost soldier makes a return. Thanks to all my lovely readers and commenters!!


	32. Heathens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of last! Our heroine goes out to heal after the escape from Stryker. She begins to build her own following and tracks down a certain soldier. Thanos threatens the heroes with his new allies causing Loki and his wife to evolve once more. The Avengers are back to basics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many marvel films can I mash together or reference? Dare I count? More X-Men! :D

           When I woke, I felt the sun touch my cheeks as it rose outside and stood to press myself against the windows so I could feel its warmth on my face before the cold would seep back in. Loki opened the door with a plate of breakfast and found me on my toes, pressed to the window so the sun could embrace me.

           “Sweetheart,” she coaxed, “they made you food. Come eat something solid.”

           “You never came to bed. Did you see the tapes?” I didn’t turn. Loki’s silence told me more. “All of you?” She came to my side and kissed my head and just  _begged_  for me.

           “Almost. It had to be sped up, it was many hours of footage. None of your little friends slept. I promise you that I’ll never let it happen again. I swear to you. Do you hear me?”

           “Did they find anything of use?” I asked without a tone, Loki reclined in response.

           “They’re trying to study it in pieces for clues to ensure they didn’t put anything inside of you. Or take much out.” Outside, the door to the stairs clicked open and I sighed.

           “They put a lot of things inside me.” I turned on my heel and felt my friends again, just in the next room. “You don’t have to eavesdrop, I’m not a vase to be tossed and shattered.”

           “The Watson girl made you brownies.” Sam poked his head in first with a small plate and I came to the bed. “Said she’d come back later with Peter.”

           “That was kind of her,” I crossed my legs and he carefully set the plate down while Loki put my breakfast into my lap. Tugging idly at my messy locks, I shifted my eyes around and tried not to shake. “I trust you all have questions, I’d like you to ask them.”

           “You don’t have to do that.” Steve offered, he came toward me and I flinched. The hand almost on my shoulder recoiled but I nodded and let him touch my face.

           “I want to help,” my words brightened him, fingers touched his own just before he slipped back. “Let me.”

           “Try eating.” Loki attempted not to order me and I smiled weakly at that.

           “I don’t know what you all are searching for in me. Stryker has other mutants and he was moving them somewhere, you should focus on that. They didn’t…talk about such things in front of me.” I leaned forward as they all took seats.

           “We have no leads,” Steve reasoned. “The new Shield is few and not exactly able to back us up now.”

           “You’re sure he wasn’t just,” Natasha swallowed, “getting rid of them after.”

           “He doesn’t seem the type to give such things up. They had plans to keep me for a while.” I shook my head. “There was an older man. He’d hum tunes. He has to be alive. I felt him.”

           “Eat,” Loki tried again and I took a bite to appease her. They all relaxed somewhat after that.

           “If I do well today and eat, may I see Harry Osborn?” I asked after a beat.

           “I’ll get you in.” Tony spoke when no one else did.

           “Tony,” Steve shook his head.

           “She wants to see the kid, let her.” Tony shrugged and Bruce came to me.

           “Mind if I look you over again?” Bruce sat down when I nodded. “Did you vomit at all last night?”

           “No.”

           “Let’s see if you keep the food down.” He checked my heartbeat and I moved my plate so he could continue. “You have your color back.”

           “Asgardian bodies,” I shrugged, distant still. “Looks as if nothing happened on the outside, right? That’s always been one of our flaws. It took at least six scalpels to get me open. Maybe more. You’ll have to count on the tape… Sorry, Bruce, I’ve made you uncomfortable.” I felt it through his fingertips along my skin. It was his worst nightmare too. To be dissected. My friend shook his head.

           “No, you…I, uh,  _fine_.” He instead continued.

           “Did they take blood samples?” Natasha got up to join Bruce next to me.

           “Not that I remember. Probably. It appeared that they wanted to move me to a more secure location. I laid there for a month being probed and studied and prepped for what would come. What a waste. Hydra would have done better with me.” I watched her jaw twitch after a beat.

           “Yes.” She agreed and I smiled sadly. “They would have. We should check out that facility if they haven’t cleaned it up. Seemed like they were abandoning it. Makes sense to move, the location was open.”

           “She’s right,” Clint agreed. “I’ll call Fury again today, see if he can send some backup.”

           “He’s tied up with this lead,” Sam added.

           “It was rather empty as I was escaping… Those that lingered where killed. Why did they keep me alive? It would have been easier to take everything out and transport that.” I swallowed and looked away.

           “Probably had something else intended long term for you. A weapon maybe.” Steve stared into my eyes with a knowing glint and I blinked.

           “It must have frustrated them when they experimented because my body and mind kept running off the mortal drugs. Nothing they did lasted long term. I think they weren’t expecting that and that could be why it dragged out between experiments. They were…interested in the effects these hallucinogenic drugs had on me. They kept trying to ask me questions and tell me who I was. Brainwashing? I wasn’t complying.” I rubbed my head. “My mind is more so locked than I thought. To them. But, I must admit something more. Thor must have told you what we could about what happened. Thanos. The stone.”

           “He said you got rid of it.” Natasha crossed her arms and I sighed. “But, that’s not true, is it?”

           “I…When I crushed it, it was like when I take souls. I devoured it all over again but destroyed it's body in the process. That said, pieces of it linger...the soul is simply in a better place. A place it can no longer consume me, instead it can rebuild. Which explains why I can still do some of what I used to.” I paused and Tony nodded so I kept going. “Thanos, our titan enemy, has a connection of sorts to these stones. I think he might be trying to get back into my head. Granted, he isn’t strong enough and it could just be stress but, I wanted to be open about it. I see him in my dreams and what happened in that lab…I think it broke something.” I shuddered with tears and sniffed until Natasha offered me a tissue. “I…I’m fading again, I think I need some time alone. I wish that I could offer more.” Loki sighed when I abruptly turned from them. “Tell Nick Fury everything. He always has a plan.”

           “We should go,” Steve stood and came to me. “Thank you.”

           “Anything for my friends,” I swallowed my tears when he touched me again in a soothing motion. I wished I could disappear. “I think I’m going to take a very long shower. I need time to clear my head. Lots of it.”

           “We’ll go soon.” Natasha touched my shoulder in a heartfelt motion while she passed to go out. Once we were alone, I peered up at Loki staring.

           “Where is Naaki?”

           “Home. Happy. She certainly misses you.”

           “Stop looking at me.” I requested and Loki frowned but sat across from me, peering elsewhere.

           “You know you can let me comfort you.”

           “…I’ve been so terrible to you.”

           “No.” Loki reached out to touch my face. “You haven’t.”

           “I dragged you out with me, I didn’t ask.”

           “You did what you believed was right,” she insisted. “Even I can get behind that.”

           “That’s it. I don’t want you behind me anymore.” I admitted before trying to smile, faltering. “I love you. I think I just need some time after what happened.” Loki pressed her hand into mine so that I would look into her eyes.

           “You shall have it. I’ll understand.” Loki came to kiss me. “I promise you.”

           “I just wanted to fix things. I want to feel like I’m contributing to the things my friends are doing. You’re all staring at me knowing nothing you do will ease my pain. I’m messing this all up. Everywhere I go, chaos follows.”

           “Sorry about that, my dear,” Loki’s joke made me crack a genuine smile before I came to her chest, pulled into an embrace. “I am not behind you. We stand side by side, we always have through oblivion itself. If you are asking me for time, please just take it. I’ll still love you after.” She kissed my hair, inhaling before kissing my lips. “Just come back to me, sweetheart.”

           “Always do.”

** ** **

           Showering, I spent an hour scrubbing my body under hot and cold water. My hair shined and bounced while my skin was fragrant with amber oils. I washed myself, dressed, and held onto Loki’s soul just outside for as long as I dared. Changing from a bag into clothing she’d brought, I took my time pampering myself with lotion and a touch of makeup. Time slipped away and I allowed it, opening a window to let the cold air in, sweeping to overshadow the sun itself. The path was clear. Crystal and sparkling. It would hurt and heal all at once. The doorknob burned when I tried to force myself away and I closed my eyes to gather scattered fragments of myself when they would not simply heal back together. I stood at the door, trying to find the courage to face my friends again, but the sensation twisted over inside me. I no longer felt safe. My hands shook with erratic tension. Again, I tried to disappear. Their souls. My dear friends. I felt them stronger than before. Pacing and fretting. Searching for words when they forced their gazes to my face after a great struggle. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let myself. It was all a distraction. I let my head fall against the door and huffed before Loki’s words, lacing in tears, gave me what I coveted.

           “Run along, clever wife. I’ll give you a head start.” Inhaling sharply, I slung my bag over my shoulder and escaped out the window without a thought in my head. Cold air whipped my clothing and ice prickled at my lungs while I heaved and pushed myself to go faster. One stop into my apartment allowed me to greet Naaki with a loving embrace. Whispered apologies and words of affection lingered while I changed and stuffed a bunch of things into a bag, I yanked a drawer out and slipped an emergency pouch of cash into a pocket. Loki and I had many accounts but pulling from them would risk my location when my friends would certainly try to find me.

           “There’s too much for me to do,” I spoke as Naaki jumped up when I scribbled a letter with as much heart as I could offer at the moment. “I know that I don’t have to be alone with myself. But, I want to. I am sorry. Right now…I just cannot afford to act under the will of another. I…I can’t risk Thanos touching anyone but me. There are souls out there…dreaming as I do. It’s time I stop holding back and run with it on my own.” I kissed Naaki’s head and slipped on a coat and boots before leaving out a window. Naaki came up as I closed it and pawed until I felt myself shake with tears, touching the glass before I forced myself to fly as high and as fast as I could, deeper into the city. My friends knew where I would go first so I hurried upon a hospital and snuck in behind a nurse. The place was high-end with special living arrangements for each patient so I went into a closet and stole a nurse gown, buttoning up the front and covering my lips with a paper mask. After pinning a cap into my hair, I found a cart and slipped my bag under it, peering around as I adjusted my collar and wheeled the metal cart silently down the hallways. Harry Osborn’s room was easy enough to find and empty when I went inside. His skin was sickly tinged and the green sore on his neck was bandaged.

           “I told you, Harry, that I couldn’t cure you as I am now.” I crossed my arms and came to his bed, sitting. “The world isn’t finished with you and you’re certainly not finished with it.” I unhooked his breathing tube and slip it from it throat. “Finish your trials and we will meet again.” I cupped Harry’s face while he struggled to breathe and dug deep to find him drowning. So I kissed his head and yanked him out, violently so, until he opened his eyes with a weak cry. The machine beeped so I used magic to pull the plugs, silencing them as he looked at me with hooded eyes.

           “Mom?” He swallowed, lips dry so I brought him some water from my cart. With a sigh, I found my voice and touched his temple.

           “Yes, baby,” I offered instead, removing my mask. The boy was delirious and I gave him some kindness to wake to. Harry gave a crackling heave and teared up, lifting a hand to grip my arm.

           “I’m sorry, Mom…I’m sorry you had to die,” his chest rose and fell in shuddering motions.

           “I forgive you,” I smoothed his hair. “Go back to sleep now.” With parted lips and a furrowed brow, Harry closed his eyes and slipped away into a peaceful slumber. The last he might have for a long while. Perking up, I felt familiar souls nearby and grabbed my bag to climb out a window before Steve Rogers could burst open the door.

           “She was here.” He uttered in the distance as I escaped. “She was…”

           But, no more.

** ** **

           “Are you looking for anything in particular?” An employee beamed as I browsed a department store.

           “Just thinking about changing my look up, I suppose,” I smiled. “But, thank you.”

           “Let me know if I can help you.” She left and I pulled a few items down. I lived on the street my first week, hiding between alleyways and parks until I was secure. Gyms were easy enough to sneak into so I could wash myself until I found a dingy hotel where I paid cash only. I studied the news most nights over a meal of a water bottle and dry sandwich. Other late nights, I came alive in a suit of my own creation and mask, dropping off the criminals that went missed in front of a police station. It was easier stealing a police scanner than I originally thought. But, I was looking for so much more. There was so much I could do. After paying for a few items, I went outside and waited until I felt the right soul before I hailed a taxi. The brown boy driving smiled and I grinned at his soul, sparkling back at me.

           “Where to?”

           “Keep the meter running and we can have a conversation.” I watched him turn and jump when the charm fell from my face. “Yes, I get that a lot.”

           “You’re missing.”

           “Technically. Though, I’m not the only one… What’s your name?” I craned my neck to see his credentials. “Armando Muñoz. Nice to meet you, I’m a ghost just trying to get her act together so I can move on.”

           “Oh?” He swallowed and began to drive around the block. “Pretty real from where I’m sitting.”

           “I’m in a bit of a hurry and I’ve looked long and wide for a soul of your…caliber. A mutant. No, need to hide, I’m not here to damage or out you.”

           “As if you could.” He smirked to himself.

           “What if I said I had a proposition for you?” I blinked and he pulled over somewhere to park, turning. “It is potentially dangerous and I’m prepared to walk if you decline. No pressure.”

           “Look, I don’t know you.”

           “I’d like to know you,” I reached out my hand. “Only if you’re interested and in return, I can show you what I’m searching for. Do you have another name to go with your mutation? I’d like to call you by what makes you more comfortable.” He eyed my palm and took it, clasping them together.

           “Darwin.” He swallowed before I pulled away, eyes blackened and dancing with glittering gold light. “Whoa.”

           “Magnificent.” I smiled. “Darwin. I deal in lost souls.”

           “Do you?”

           “Yes,” I paused. “Since my solo mission, I’m focusing myself and I’ve discovered I just cannot stay away from helping others. There are mutants struggling for safety in this city, I’m certain you understand. I’d like to employ you and your taxi to assist in taking those who seek help to Professor Xavier’s school for the gifted. You don’t have to say yes but, it’ll be easy, just pick up and transport. I have a cheap cellphone that I add minutes to when needed and a means to help others. I just need some wheels and someone with heart willing to assist me once in a while.”

           “Why are you doing this?”

           “Because I can.” I shrugged. “Because I want to. It helps me and others. Why not? I have much on my plate but I do what little I can. I also would like to expand on my contacts, something you need in this world and I’ve neglected. Mutant shelters are being raided. I have a few missions in the works but, that will not stop me from this as well. You have an interesting soul.”

           “How’s that?”

           “It’s indestructible.” I noted. “Even to me. You should be proud of it. What I showed you in your head can be real if you just reach forth to take it.” This pulled a chuckle of disbelief from his lips before he shook his head, shrugging.

           “I’m all in.” He cocked his head. “Tell me more.”

           “Wonderful.” I watched him eye my hair before he spoke.

           “Little advice, you want to get into this. You might invest in a wig and a mask.”

           “We can start there.”

** ** **

           The routine grew natural. Out and gone before my friends could even touch the scene I inhabited. But, they knew. They had to know it was always me. First sign of chaos and I’m always there.  _Right?_ I went to expensive and sleazy clubs and listened for the right rumors until I found something I was searching for. I found mutants far and wide. Orphans living on the streets. Children sold underground. Humans weren’t shy about their hatred of mutants at times so I was able to infiltrate an underground club that captured and fought them against each other for sport. The cigar smoke and music irritated me when I entered between rowdy humans, cheering for a match to begin.

           “Last chance for bets!” A man approached and my purple lips split before I shook my head and moved closer to the front with some force. They screamed in a frenzy when a mutant boy lifted up inside the massive electrified cage. Elegant, white wings spread out as I watched him with the baby’s face of a putti and blond curls to match. The missing son of a known anti-mutant official. Warren Worthington the third. Said to have run away. Society didn’t know this child carried the mutant gene, his father hid it well. The crowd jeered and tossed things at the cage to spark it when a box was wheeled up and tossed open to fling another trapped mutant out, younger than the first. He was clearly frightened, curling up as I got a look at his blue skin and pointed tail.

           “ _Demon!”_ They shouted and the announcers were going deaf upon my ears.

           “Children,” I shook my head and horns blasted across the room. A piece of scum of a man approached when I neared the fuses while the boys were forced to fight with guns pointed at them.

           “Back away from this area,” he touched a gun stuffed in the front of his pants. I merely cocked my head and figured he was trying to compensate for something as he stood taller than I. “You deaf?” He brought the gun out and touched it under my chin while his friend appeared behind him. Smirking, he ran it along my jaw in a vulgar motion and I longed to bite into his throat. I just stared with large eyes, lips lifting. Sparks echoed behind them when Warren was tossed backwards after the blue boy was forced to yank him around. He kept shouting that he didn’t want to. Feathers burned from wings and I peered from them to the mortals. “What, you one of them illegals? You no speak  _English, mami?”_ He’d stated the words slowly like I was stupid. My teeth showed when I smiled before I grabbed his gun and swept it aside, bringing my knee into his groin. I felt the pelvis bone crack against me before I dropped him and lunged to push his friend up against the gate until he was electrocuted with a mask pulled over my eyes. Sparks flew over the crowd and no one got to me when I brought the lever down and shattered every light above with magic at the same time. The cage flew open and mortals screamed, rushing in chaos while guards tried to feel for me. Warren, wings damaged, forced himself up and escaped above me after I caught his eyes, terrified. The second boy was transporting himself in utter confusion along the cage and room before a shot was fired and he dropped in a heap on the stairs.

           “Come on!” I picked him up before the guards could get to us, looking around for the window. “Get us out of here!” My breath was lost when we disappeared into a dark cloud and emerged just outside in an alleyway, falling into the snow with him in my lap. The boy sprang up and teleported himself up onto a fire escape. Synthetic, straight black hair fell around my face and shoulders while my wig shifted against the wind. Surprisingly it took the most getting used to.

           “You…the mask,” his accent was thick, eyes a bright gold tinge. I slipped my mask away to not frighten him further. “They talk of you.” He teleported atop a dumpster, crouching and I got a better look at his hands and feet. “The great deliverer. The saint.” Six fingers and four toes I counted. “You help the lost.”

           “You’re hurt, come here so I can help you.” I reached out so he appeared in front of me and let me heal the scratch were the bullet grazed him. “Not shy about that.”

           “Would you be?”

           “I suppose not.” I couldn’t help but stare at the marks carved into his skin. “May I know you a bit better?” I set my hands palm up and his settled over mine in a hesitant motion. “I’m not afraid of your appearance…you’re vocal in your faith and an incredibly compassionate boy. You should hold tight to such things in hours like this. Others know. More will follow.” I inhaled sharply and he slipped away, blinking up at me. “I have help coming. Who are you exactly? The…clothing.” Flashy would be an understatement.

           “In the circus, I was called the incredible Nightcrawler. But, you may call me Kurt Wagner. You have saved me.”

           “How did you get all the way here? Were there others? Did they talk of anywhere else?”

           “I was in that box. Kidnapped. I remember a boat. I don’t remember others with me except those who escaped tonight.” He let me pull his coat tighter and escort him down the street, further away from the yelling in the distance. “Where are we going?”

           “There’s a place, a few hours from here, in the state of New York. A school for mutant children. A safe haven for all mutant kind. A man named Charles Xavier will meet you at the door like he has with the others I’ve sent. Some go their own way, others go there. You can start over.”

           “I’ve never seen New York, I’d like to. The Big Apple. Broadway.” His words caused me to smile at him. “Will I meet you again?”

           “I imagine it’s a possibility,” I searched the skies for Warren and expanded to see anyone else but there wasn’t a person in sight. “Come on, you’re frozen.” I led him into a parking lot where Darwin pulled up, getting out to see me.

           “Sorry, I’m late.” He eyed Kurt. “Blankets, water, and food in the car.”

           “Thank you, can I know your name?” Kurt was shaken when he sat down and I sighed, offering it to him. “I’ll keep you in my prayers.”

           “You're very kind. Rest, stay safe. Goodbye, Kurt.” I shut the door and came around to the trunk where Darwin offered me my bag of things. “Thank you.”

           “Gets easier, I think.” He slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged against the cold air. “Need a ride anywhere?”

           “No, I’m catching a bus.” I pulled an envelope from my bag and he shook his head, pressing it back into me. “You’re going to have to let me pay you one night.”

           “Ah, maybe another time. Doesn’t feel right.” Darwin chuckled. “You’re going to have to take a night off.”

           “Perhaps, another time,” I countered with a grin and he picked up a large file in the truck, handing it over.

           “From Jean Grey and the others on their last mission. Everything they’ve found so far. I like them, you know? Offered me a place there.”

           “You should accept it. With this, I think I’ll be finding my way back to Avengers Tower soon after I seek this man out.”

           “Yeah, I might.” Darwin pressed his lips and shook his head, gesturing back to the file. “They were happy to keep the Avengers out of this loop. Scott was at least. I heard they…kind of got along when they got together. Different missions, I guess.”

           “I’m sure. This would have been impossible without you,” I offered, “thanks again, Darwin. You both should get going, long ride back.”

           “Stay safe out there,” he turned on his heel and Kurt pressed against the back window with big eyes, waving as they took off. I pressed my fist to my chest and waved with a smile in response. The snow fell silently around my body, offering a peace into my heart that brought me back home. I walked to the bus station and boarded a half-empty ride playing an old movie quietly above me. Sitting in the back, I set my bag next to me and crossed my legs to unwrap the many files. Headphones blocked the world out as I read. Fragments of Hydra spilled against my eyes, I inhaled sharply and flipped through pages and pictures. A blurred photo caught my eye, the timestamp and place caused me to smile at James Barnes walking the streets of DC.

            _Found our boy, Steven_.

** ** **

            _Don’t do it._

           I’d already picked up the payphone and shut the door.

            _Don’t do it._

           Forcing change into the slot, I smashed the numbers and closed my eyes to brace myself.

           “Sweetheart.” Loki’s tone was simple and my breath left my body.

           “How’d you know it was me?”

           “D.C. number. I have no friends. No one calls me except you. You probably miss me.” He got me to chuckle aloud. “Did I mention I have no companions besides this ugly cat next to me?”

           “I do miss you. I’ll be home soon.” I heaved a sigh and brought my elbow up to rest atop the payphone, dropping my forehead into my palm. “You wouldn’t believe it all even if I-”

           “I do. Unnamed female. There are rumors. Your group talked about you frequently. I’m proud of you, you know that?” My chest stirred at his words before I sniffled hard and continued.

           “How are they?”

           “They’re not my friends,” Loki paused and sighed. “Initially, they worried but you’ve proven rather good as an independent. They worry the chaos will further upset their government but you’re the least of the government's worries now with the  _tiny_  issue of Hydra. This Doctor Octopus is holding up banks all over the states this part of the globe. Tried and failed to infiltrate Oscorp. I only see your friends when they knock to ask if I’ve heard from you. I muster fake, lady tears and they leave after but a few questions. Rogers is best with questions but you know why.”

           “What have you been up to?” I slipped another coin in.

           “You’ll laugh.”

           “Well now you have to say.”

           “You know how I once said infiltrating Shield would be dangerous? Turns out dating you boded well. I get to play in their files. Strategize. Translate. All behind the scenes. They came willingly after I spilled Oscorp secrets that proved…beneficial. The Avengers knocked over a Hydra lab. Mission ended well but they think Hydra bombed a government facility in response. They’re asking about Thor. They’ll want him soon.” He exhaled heavily into the phone and I hung onto his voice. “Charles Xavier extended a thank you to you through your team. Got his X-Men to help track one of Stryker’s bases. The Colonel escaped but many mutants were saved in turn. And, the Spiderboy, he’s going through a rough time. Have you seen the news?”

           “No… Not recently. I’ve been out of that loop for a while.” When Loki was quiet, I swallowed and went on. “Is it Harry?”

           “After the Doc Ock problem, Osborn was set up and pushed out of Oscorp. Called him mentally unstable and with the overdose…it was easy. He babbled about his mother in the days leading up to it. How he’d make her proud. Change things. What we think happened…is that he broke in and used some kind of experimental drug on himself to try to cure what illness was ravaging him. Norman Osborn led him down the same path as a means to continue his grim legacy.” Loki gave a sobered chuckle. “The news thinks it’s just a copycat. They also call him the second Green Goblin. Like father, like son. Stole the new suit to heal his crumbling body and he took off in the glider after leveling part of the building. But, he’s worse. He’s unrecognizable now. He’s also a shoddy villain in my humble opinion.”

           “Why is that?” I was monotone.

           “He reminds me of me.”

           “How?” I gripped the phone.

           “He’s holding back. Idiot… Last, I saw him with Doc Ock on television, shaking down the rest of Oscorp. Trying to. Experiments perhaps. Revenge. A better cure. Octavius obsessed over that demonstration and it failed. Could be trying to repeat it. They disappeared after.”

           “Harry…” I swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

           “It is not your fault.”

           “I know, but I still found some grief.”

           “We both always have some to spare, it seems.” Loki tried not to beg. “Will I see you?”

           “I promise you all, I’ll be home. I have to finish this first. It won’t end.”

           “No, it will not and you won’t stop either. You cannot stop this but if these tasks help soothe something inside…I can understand.” He sighed and I slipped another coin in.

           “I’m not just doing this because I was brutalized. I know I didn’t deserve it. I tell myself that in moments of meditation. I try to believe it always but sometimes you can’t. I let myself feel so safe with you. The Avengers. Stryker tore that away and I just...I just cannot... After what happened in Asgard…I…” I shook my head and gripped the phone. “Sometimes trauma just happens to you…you’re not obligated to be good and kind because of it. I spit blood most days.” I mustered a soft chuckle. “I have a curse and I can do what I wish with it. Some think we’re dangerous because our power puts us above others. Do they expect us to care? I do what I will. I’ve saved and taken so many lives… I’d be lying if I said both didn’t nourish me in a way.”

           “Asgardians. Mighty gods. Beastly killers.” Loki mused. “It’s good to hear your voice. Naaki cries all over the house for you.”

           “I miss you both. I’ve done so much these past weeks, it feels…I can’t explain it.”

           “Does it amuse Thanos?” Loki asked aloud. “Your heroic exploits.”

           “Yes,” my exhale shook. “The dreams are getting worse. The visions of him. His eyes are everywhere.”

           “They found something in a Hydra facility, an enemy agent…speaking to someone that was not there before he shot himself in the head when the Avengers arrived into the vicinity. They caught the recording. He wasn’t speaking any language on this Earth, they say. I haven't heard it, it's in the Tower. Right now, only you or Thor can translate it… I didn’t speak about it because it would have given me away. You need to come back and tell them what I...what I believe may be true.”

           “Tell me,” I listened to his breathing before he continued.

           “Thanos always has his pawns. Always. Say he needed an in on this realm. What would you have done? Hydra is a snake in the grass…could he have moved on with another who needed his influence and power?”

           “How can…? I cannot...I will hear the tape first and then we act.” I shook my head. “We shouldn’t talk about this here any longer. I’ll be home after I deal with this last thing. I’m sorry.”

           “I’ll be here. I love you.”

           “I love you too.” I hung up and breathed quietly before leaving after fixing my coat. A pair of glasses with fake lenses and a hat hid my face well as I walked the streets with a picture of familiar sights. Expand. Retract. Expand. Retract. My wig itched and I ignored it. I felt the shades walking about until I caught the scent and turned abruptly into a hotel. I slipped in behind a group of girls trekking from a late night of partying and took the stairs, head down while my soul came alive. When I was alone outside the door, I knocked and was met with a call when I persisted.

           “Who is it?” The voice was forcibly gruff.

           “I’m sorry to bother you, I bumped into a car in the hotel lot outside and I was told by the front desk it belonged to you. I just wanted to leave you with my information.” I slipped a few photos under the door and heard steps.

           “Wrong room. No car.” Came the response and I smirked.

           “My mistake.” When I turned, the lock clicked before the door became ajar and I exhaled with force, going inside. The room was dark save for the news playing and steam lifted from a takeout box of noodles on the table. The door shut and I sighed, rolling my eyes when something poked the back of my head. “I sure hope you have a silencer with that weapon.”

           “I do.” Bucky Barnes assured me. “Don’t turn. Who sent you?”

           “Would you remember his pretty face if I told you? He didn’t exactly send me but I think he’d appreciate the gesture.” I waited for him to contemplate it before he found a lighter tone

           “…Steve. Steve Rogers.”

           "And who am I?"

           "They called you Psyche. The news. But, your real name was on file." Bucky offered it in a velvet tone. My breath shuddered when I nodded.

           “Yes.” I paused. “Are you sure you aren’t being bugged right now? From those photos it looks like Hydra tailed you all over Romania and back into the United States. Always just missing you by seconds. I did not see any outside but you never know. You’re not safe here. They know and they're coming.”

           “Move every night.” 

           “Do you remember what I do? It’s easy to get lost in Steve’s glow.”

           “You can twist people around. That’s what they told me.”

           “Twist? Perhaps. What drew you back to D.C., James?” I felt the gun press harder in response. “Or should I say, who? He’s looking for you as well but Hydra has kept him busy as I know the Avengers have kept them busy in turn. Perfect storm for you and I.” His robotic hand grabbed my arm to spin me around. Shirtless, Barnes was covered in scars.

           “You have a gun? Recording device?” His other hand slipped around to search me and I huffed.

           “No…should I get one?” I joked and he wasn’t amused, glowering at me when he leaned closer. 

           “What do you want?” Bucky was tense and I worked to relax him. Eyes lowering to his chest, I watched his soul flicker. Colors filled to the brim. I recalled that silent moment on the shore. Vibrant chaos that touched us both so sweetly. My teeth tugged at my bottom lip before I licked it. I had to work to find his gaze, head cocking.

           “You remember my face. Very good. You remember what Hydra has told you about me, lower the damn gun, it won’t do you much good.”

           “I’ll take my chances.” He stared with dark bags under his eyes and growing stubble on his face, hair pulled back from it. The red star on his arm had been eagerly scraped off. "Don't try anything."

           “We’ve much in common.” I paused, dropping my shoulders. His lips parted in response, searching for his next question. “Please, continue dinner before it gets cold.”

           “Why did you find me?”

           “It’s dangerous for someone of your history to be out as Hydra tries to get their years of work back. They're closing in. The photos. They want me as well. You probably seemed like the easier option. I won't try anything. You've been through so much. I can pull you out but, you must allow it. Such is the way of recovery.” I swallowed and let my eyes grow wide when I felt it. A dirtied soul. “James Barnes, you’re in grave danger and as of this moment, I am your only assistance. Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and I made it our mission to seek you out and I’ve tried to give you some time to heal but that luxury is fluttering away. We both need to move as in about twelve seconds-” Glass broke when a smoke bomb was tossed into the room before I caught it and threw it back outside. I yanked the curtains away and looked outside to see SWAT arriving.

           “Not the police. That’s Hydra.” I laughed aloud. “They think they can get us both.”

           “You drew them to me!” Bucky yanked me out of the way of gunfire when a helicopter came down.

           “Me? No. They’ve been trailing you the entire time!” I rolled us over and grabbed a shirt and jacket, pulling him to the bathroom. Bucky growled as he dressed and loaded a weapon while they called outside to come forth quietly. “They wanted to wait until Steve or I found you to take us all at once, I imagine!” We peeked out, struggling to pull each other out of danger.

           “Get down!” Bucky covered me and shot off a round when a man began to climb inside. He kicked the table up into another, sending him spiraling out.

           “Anything else you need in here?” We tumbled around again behind the bed and Bucky shot a second round, grabbing the bag behind me. “You don’t get motion sickness, do you?”

           “Yeah.”

           “Well, as you said, you’ll have to take your chances,” I surged up, magic swirled and the helicopter was forced aside to provide cover before I was dragging Bucky out the door instead with me. Flying and tumbling down the hallway and around corners until I managed to land, we scrambled to our feet. “I have a safe place, do you trust me, James?” Truly, I didn't know if I was allowed to call him Bucky.

           “Do I have choice now?”

           “Of course you do and that’s a  _beautiful_  thing, is it not?” I smiled and reached out for his robotic hand before he huffed and clasped his fingers into mine, crushing my palm so we raced down the next hallway. “I’ve been on a solo mission for a while, with some help, I was also able to locate you. I know groups like Hydra. It was only a matter of time. They cannot use the government to get to you any longer. But, that won’t stop them from obtaining the likes of us, will it? …Three in pursuit up the stairs. Two possibly in the elevator.”

           “Are you making this up as you go?!” He called when we turned down another hallway. The door to the stairs opened and I braced myself.

           “It certainly makes it more exciting!” I felt him tug me to him before my boots kicked up and tossed a Hydra agent into his comrades, sending them all flying back down the steps. Bucky’s other hand moved under my arm as I was held against him while he shot at our attackers. “Talented swing dancer.” I noted, shifting up before I hurried to look around again.

           “I’m not going back to Hydra.” He hissed.

           “I’m here to ensure you don’t. I also have questions. Later perhaps.”

           “I’ll answer them if I live.”

           “Appreciated. We’ll be seen if I jump us out a window.” I let him pull me down the stairs and fixed my hat over my head, bringing my hood up with it. Bucky held his bag and followed suit.

           “There’s a back exit, I’ll hotwire a car.” He led me off, hand clasped into mine. “Shit.” A few agents in disguise peered around while the host in the lobby raced toward them.

           “What’s happening?” He panicked.

           “Everyone go about your business, we think there’s an escaped convict hiding in this hotel. Stay out of the way.” The man flashed a fake badge and Bucky tugged me behind a group of guests, quickly shifting to go about their business.

           “Would you like the agents on the left or right?” I shifted my stance and he scoffed.

           “New plan,” Bucky set his arms around me and pushed me against the pillar, face in my neck while the crowd around us made extra effort to ignore it. I giggled softly and got the idea when he planted a chaste kiss on my jaw, the agents passed us at the same time before he tugged me off into another group. We slipped outside with them, acting like a couple and he peered behind us.

           “What’s with the wig?”

           “Psyche has a right to a secret identity once in a while. I’d be in some trouble if the government knew it was me and I’ve learned civilians recognizing you isn’t always great. Might trickle back into the Avengers. It wasn’t you who did those horrible things but they’ll still burn you for it, you know that?”

           “I tried to disappear.” He muttered, arm around my back while we ducked around car. I used magic to click the lock open and he pushed me inside, sliding next into the driver’s seat. “Get down.” He hurriedly ducked and locked eyes with me, nodding and my lips lifted. “I’d be sitting in the back of their truck with a few tranquilizers in my back if you weren't here.”

           “Gets old.” I commented.

           "Someone get you? Hydra?"

           "Hydra? No... _Someone."_ I noted. "Yes."

           “Why’d you let me go that day?”

           “Seemed like you needed time to remember what you could for yourself.”

           “Can you get me the rest?”

           “I cannot wipe everything out. Much will...linger and it’ll be a long and painful process, James.” I replied. 

           “What isn’t?” He huffed, lifting his eyes to survey around us and coming back down lower. “…You can call me Bucky. I remember that much.”

           “Bucky.” I was fond. “Seems like we’re coveted Hydra tools. It was somewhat tricky to track you down. Soul radar I have helps. Getting to you before they did was planned. I was, ah, a little late.”      

           “Just a bit,” his jest made me chuckle before I lifted my head and watched him shift under the steering wheel to hotwire the car. He grunted and the car jumped to life so we moved up into our seats. Bucky pulled out and turned slowly with a few more cars trying to get away when Hydra started to set up a perimeter. We got down one street before I gasped aloud and grabbed for his arm blindly. “You okay?”

           “That soul…I really thought he was dead. When I felt it, I was certain I was wrong. I thought…” Bucky came to a screeching halt when a truck swerved in front of us with Brock Rumlow, fully armored, rising with a machine gun. He opened fire at the same time we reversed all the way around a corner, spinning around until Bucky hit the accelerator. The back windshield shattered and I got my seat down to climb in back when a hook latched into our trunk.

           “Drive!” I called as we were tugged and Bucky gritted his teeth.

           “Trying!” He replied and I kicked out the rest of glass, using one of Bucky’s large knives to cut us free. “Hold on!” Bucky put the car in reverse when Rumlow got out and we charged backwards into him. I could hear him laughing as he got a hold of our car and grabbed for my arms. Bucky was driving forward again and swerving while we struggled.

           “Too convenient. Remember me?” He snarled so I yanked off the skull helmet that covered his face and head, only to gasp at his scarred appearance. Rumlow lifted a gun toward Bucky's head. Jerking, I moved his arm in time but, Bucky cried out, turning sharply when I got my hand on Rumlow’s face. He yelped out and dropped away from me. I watched him spin across the road and get up, cracking his neck before he broke into a rapid sprint. He charged at an inhuman speed.

           “Come on,” I forced myself to use magic until my muscles wept, overturning empty cars into his path before we swerved around corners and into traffic. “Bucky, we’re almost out, focus.” I pressed my hand to the bullet wound near his ribs so he could pay attention to the road. “I can’t heal this yet.” I hurried to pull a shirt from my bag, pressing it into the wound. Bucky swallowed through the pain and forced a neutral expression I recognized on myself to push through this. He’d been muttering numbers this entire time. They seemed important to him.

           “Where are we going?”

           “New York.”

           “Can’t.”

           “It may surprise you…New York is the safest place for you at the moment.” I swallowed and inhaled, expanding as far as I could. “I don’t feel anyone. We need to ditch the vehicle. Maybe find a rest stop on the way so I can take care of this wound. I am sorry, I got you shot because I wasn't quick enough.”

           “Ah, had worse. I can go without seeing Rumlow for a while longer unless I get to put a bullet in his eye.”

           “Yes, he’s disgusting, isn’t he?” I tried to relax to keep him calm. “He’s different. Stronger. Faster. He shouldn’t have survived what he did. Seems like Hydra has found a poor imitation for you.”

           “Am I supposed to be jealous?” He pulled into an alleyway, groaning while he lifted his shirt to see the wound. “In and out. Keep your head down and we might make it to the next state.”

           “We can try.”

** ** *

           Stars. I tried to take comfort in their depths. But, the droning sound of the floating platform and Thanos’ rippled chuckle caused me to sit up. He stood tall from his throne and I was hovering before him when his hand lifted. I could hear the voices of followers behind him. His growing Black Order flocking to his side.

           “Give it to me,” he ordered in a soft tone. “Give them to me. I know what you desire above all else.”

           “No.” I was let down, feet stuck in place. Every scar on my wrist opened and closed and opened up wider all at once. My cheeks split and I shut my eyes, crying out. “It’s not real! You can’t touch me!” He squeezed my jaw between two thick fingers.

           “Certain of that?” He growled. “You ruined everything. But, you cannot delay the inevitable. Give me one. Just one.”

            _“Ngh…No.”_ I shook my head.

           “Open the path. Here. Allow me to assist you. Another parting gift.” He lifted me up and raised a fist above my head, blood squeezed through his fingers and I grabbed at his wrist. I felt it touch my lips, dribble down my chin before my heart burned like the mind stone was cracking behind it all over again. I screamed and he dropped me, sending me falling into the abyss below just as Bucky shook me awake.

           “Hey!”

           “Shit…” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. I was thankful to be rid of that wig at last. Red curls spilled long over my shoulders when I shifted. It was still dark in this corner of the rest stop and I sighed to myself.

           “Nightmare?” He fell back and I sat up. “How many hours a night?”

           “I get two, maybe three?”

           “Four if I’m lucky,” he agreed and I nodded.

           “It’s my turn to keep watch anyways.” I grabbed a bottle of water and drank, bringing my seat up higher. “How’s your side?”

           “Better, seems like whatever you did healed it well enough.” He yawned and I shrugged. I could tell he wasn’t being entirely truthful.

           “Might be better to arrive while it’s still night.” I stretched. “Let’s switch, I’ll drive. It’ll keep me alert.” Bucky didn’t argue and we switched seats, he brought the passenger side back to recline and crossed his arms.

           “I won’t take you to Steve. Not until you wish it.” I started the car. “He spoke fondly of you.”

           “The museum brought some stuff back. Can’t face him.” He paused and I turned onto the road. “Why did you help me?”

           “I promised Steve and you deserved it. What happened was horrid and here you are. And I simply wanted to. Something pulsed between us that day on the beach, did it not?"

           "Yes. I felt that too." Bucky had offered. "I think I felt it before... I remember...the stars. I think I was supposed to take you. You...You got out of your car and stood there in the rain." He hissed, touching his head. "I can't remember after that."

           "It was you in the forest that night. You disappeared and didn't engage. I wonder what happened." I breathed, eyes turning to him before I focused on the road. "I can understand what you’ve been through to an extent but it isn’t my intention to reminisce about our torment at the moment. Do not strain yourself. Rest.” The freeway was quiet at this time of night, Bucky didn’t sleep and instead stared at me. “You want to take out Hydra?” I broke the silence.

           “Yes.”

           “You have the chance to now. But, more so, you have a chance at a life. A real one. The freedom to act as you please. All souls have potential. It is my hope they use it. They don’t have to. But, I’ve seen amazing things in the beings along this Earth. It isn’t too late to come back, you know?”

           “Even after seventy years?”

           “Time is an illusion to my world.” I replied, glancing over at his face. “Do you know why Hydra coveted the mind stone? Did they have something specific planned?”

           “Should be obvious. Easy mind control against the most powerful enemies. Even from other worlds. Hellish experiments. Why would they pass up that? You came in second, I bet. Next best thing. Hydra has been dealing in otherworldly study and defense from the start. The tesseract. You stole them both.”

           “Yes, I did. I have books you should see." I hesitated. "It was Colonel Stryker who got to me first. Did a rubbish job. He still is in with the government. Hydra no longer has that luxury.” I paused. “I have a contact who thinks they’re dabbling with otherworldly forces again regardless of what we’ve kept from them. Be wary.”  

           “I’ll give you what I can if you hide me.”

           “It’s a deal, Bucky Barnes. I'd hide you for free regardless.” I reached out, peering from the road so he could shake my hand. “Hydra would be foolish to attack any of us in New York at the moment.”

           “Doesn’t mean they won’t,” Bucky shrugged, pausing. “Where we going?”

           “My apartment. I share it with my girlfriend and I…haven’t seen her in a while.”

           “…Does she know?”

           “Ah, vaguely.”

           "Yikes."

           "Yes." I agreed, huffing. "Big, bloody yikes."

** ** **

           “Your side is bleeding again, I thought you said it was fine,” I muttered on the way up.

           “I moved the wrong way, it’s not that bad,” Bucky pressed his hand to the wound and I huffed, taking his free arm to pull him and juggle our bags at the same time before I swallowed my nerves and knocked. I heard a tiny bell as Naaki pawed and scratched until Loki’s soft voice called.

           “What is it…?” A gasp followed when she looked into the peephole before the door swung open and I flashed a smile of innocence.

           “Ava…” I peered at Bucky, receiving a look of question. “Hi.”

           “ _Hi?_ She says after roughly nine weeks.” Loki crossed her arms in a silken nightgown and robe that left little to the imagination. “ _Hi?_ One phone call. That’s all I got. _Hi!_  She says while she brings home a stray when I specifically said no strays in the past.” Loki gestured to Bucky. “And a wounded stray no less with big, doe eyes and rippling muscles to match,  _please_.”

           “Ava. Meet James Barnes. He goes by Bucky. You might know from him the Smithsonian. Steve’s old friend.” I touched Bucky’s shoulder idly. Awkward, he pressed his lips and waved with his free hand.

           “You brought me an artifact when I specifically asked for emeralds.” Loki caused me to suck my cheeks in. She tapped her foot and cocked her eyebrow.

           “Bucky…needs a secure location and a fresh bandage.”

           “Ah, yes, I remember. The one with memory loss who shot and stalked you. Multiple times. Welcome to our personal home. Come in.” Loki rolled her eyes and I pushed Bucky forward to get him to move.

           “Thank you.” I was sincere when she shut the door before I took her face to kiss her, causing her to stumble as she locked it. Loki gave a pout.

           “You can’t sway me with affection. Take your shoes off, stray.” Her order caused Bucky to wince while he moved. “He needs a bath. You both do.”

           “Give him a minute so I can try to heal him a bit better. I can’t exactly carry a million healing stones at a time anymore.” I dropped our bags then ushered Bucky into the kitchen and sat him at the island counter. Loki took Bucky’s chin in her hand to get him to peer at her.

           “You require a trim too,” she turned his jaw to observe his face. Loki was studying him to ensure he was safe in a manner of speaking but I didn’t comment. “Your eyes are dilated. Relax, I’m not going to turn you in.” I touched her wrist to get her away from him before she could spook him further.

            “I missed you. So…Shield?” I was helping Bucky out of his jacket.

           “A few days a week.” Loki opened the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice, sliding it near Bucky while I carefully pulled his shirt off. “You did a terrible job healing it.”

           “Yes, thank you, Ava.” I huffed and she dropped a leather satchel on the counter next. “This might burn.” I crushed a small stone into my hand and rubbed it into his wound with little warning. Bucky tensed but exhaled when the wound was gone in an instant.

           “What are we doing with the stray?” Loki leaned over the counter and I caught her eyes lowering on Bucky’s chest while he went quiet to gulp the orange juice down, peering out the window. I made a swiping motion over my neck to get her to quit before crossing my arms over the counter.

           “He’s not exactly popular but still in demand. We hide him here until he’s ready for me to piece the rest of his mind and memories back together. In time, I think he can help the Avengers with Hydra. They’re still knocked down and we have a fighting chance it seems.” I paused, eyes elsewhere. “Do you have-”

           “I have no idea where Harry Osborn is. But, I have the footage in Oscorp…and some from a week after the fact. Would you like to see it?” Loki asked and I shook my head.

           “Later, I can’t right now…” I licked my lips. “It’s good to see you.”

           “I missed you on occasion.”

           “There you are.” I cocked my head and Naaki jumped up onto the counter after avoiding the stranger in the house to finally see me. I let her get into my lap and kissed her head. “I missed you as well.”

           “The stray can use the bathroom and sleep on the couch until we unclutter the spare room.” Loki nodded and Bucky peered at me.

           “Thanks.”

           “His name is Bucky.” I offered and Loki huffed, pulling the empty glass away to set it in the sink.

           “ _Binky_  needs a shave and a wash. Use what you like in the bathroom cupboard, we have it all. It’s right down the hall. First door.” She turned the sink on.

           “Go ahead, relax yourself if you can. We’ll get you some more clothing tomorrow.” I smiled at him and he nodded, moving to go without question. Loki and I were silent until Bucky took his bag into the bathroom and locked the door.

           “We talked about this. Harboring stray mortals. Only in the event of an emergency. Short term. But, Hydra is looking for this man...this incredibly attractive man.” Loki dropped the illusion and hushed his voice. I tried not to snort.

           “He can take care of himself but they were closing in. I gave him some help. They'll keep looking and I think he's meant to be here. Being as I’m the only person able to scramble memories as I please-”

           “I won’t have you suffer in another lab for any amount of time.”

           “It won’t happen… Loki, I was able to assist dozens of mutants by hand and even more as an effect when I was out there. There were so many others.”

           “Yes, I heard. The agents adore gossip. Professor Xavier kept in contact with the Avengers. You did well. I just don’t want to lose you.”

           “You haven’t…and you won’t.”

           “Is it really helping you…? Is what you are doing helping  _you?_ Do not lie.”

           “Yes, I think it is. It was tiring but, I think it helped. It wasn’t wasted.” I paused, hearing the shower still going. “Steve can’t know yet. Do any of them come here?”

           “Not often any longer. Usually I get the occasional call if I’ve seen you but mostly, I communicate with them elsewhere or at work. They’ll be eager to know you’re back and want to see you in the tower.”

           “I’m sure… Have you seen the kids? Mary Jane and Peter.”

           “They were devastated. Parker got wounded fighting, nothing too serious. I haven’t seen him since then in person. I mean, I did run into him sometime after on the streets and, ah, he started venting and he asked about you and if you knew about Osborn.”

           “Is this you bonding with the young mortals?”

           “No,” Loki scoffed, “I let him buy me an iced coffee and a hotdog.”

           “You talked him through it.”

           “I did not, I let him talk at me.” Loki corrected, raising his finger. “I can’t believe I’m this deeply roped into this mess.”

           “This is what happens when you swim in a sea of grey, my love.” I quirked my eyebrow at him and he shot me a flat look, sitting to clasp our hands. I inhaled sharply at the sensation but held strong when he started to pull away. “It’s fine… I just missed this. And you. Have I mentioned that?”

           “A bit. Naaki missed you…as you can see.” Loki nodded once and I laughed. Naaki purred and nuzzled into my lap, meowing once before she got up to beg Loki for food. “Dish.” He pointed and Naaki jumped down to enjoy a treat as it appeared. “He’s pretty. The stray. For a moment, I thought you brought me a snack.”

           “I know he is. Call him by his name, you don’t have to be his friend. He went through a traumatizing ordeal and had himself erased and controlled. Seventy years. He should hear his name. He should hear it spoken kindly.”

           “Bucky.” Loki huffed. “Fine. I’ll be civil.” I felt something familiar unwind within Loki at my words. An empathy for what Barnes had been through. The shower shut off and Loki shifted back into Ava, turning to open the fridge. “Can either of you eat or do you wish to sleep off the few hours this night has left?” Hesitant footsteps sounded and I called out.

           “You can leave your dirty towel and clothing on the floor, we’ll take care of it.” I offered, shifting to get up and turn the corner. “You hungry?”

           “No.” Bucky cleared his throat, wet hair fell into his face.

           “Dry off and change, I’ll set up the couch for you.” I turned when Bucky did before Loki pressed me into the wall for another kiss, arms going around me this time.

           “I missed you,” her voice was tiny when she buried her face into my neck and I smiled in the embrace.

           “It’s good to be home,” I agreed, pulling from her. “Let’s set up the couch and get ready for bed.” Naaki padded into the living room to watch as I got pillows and blankets from the closet. She hopped up on her cat tree, observing still when Loki turned on the television and shifted cushions around so I could set up a makeshift bed.

            _“Breaking news as Warren Worthington the Third finds his way home. His father merely offered the statement, we’re just happy to have our boy back again…”_  I changed the channel and Loki peered at me before instead commenting on something else.

           “All by hand without magic, you’re fitting in here,” she chuckled and I shot her a look.

           “Trying to make it a habit. As if I have a choice some days, I’m drained.” I paused and peered back at the bathroom door. “Brock Rumlow is alive. Hydra’s newest experimental soldier. His body armor is decorated like a…skeleton. How tacky.”

           “They call him Crossbones. He’s a project.” Loki swallowed. “Saw a file. You just confirmed it. Could there be others?”

           “He was the only one that stood out. Hydra might be trying to expand their arsenal in other ways.” We stopped talking only when the bathroom door opened. “Tomorrow.” I muttered and Loki nodded.

           “Feel free to use the television. The couch is comfortable,” I watched Bucky approach in his briefs and a polyester shirt. Loki eyed his thighs and I nudged her when I passed behind to fix a pillow. “We have a spare room but it’s more of a large closet. We can fix it up if you prefer a real bed tomorrow.”

           “This is fine. Thank you.” Bucky was careful and quiet in his words.

           “You’re safe. Our room is at the end of the hall.” I offered. “Rest.”  He set his bag down and nodded so I left him alone after Loki took my hand to pull me off. She locked the door and I kicked my own bag of things under my side table before lips were on my neck.

           “The black wig I saw was a nice touch but I missed this hair.”

           “I have to shower first,” I mumbled, amused while she tugged my coat away and ushered me toward the attached bathroom. “Are you upset with me?”

           “You already know that answer.” Loki was pulling my clothing off and I just watched her fuss and tug between kisses. “You know such answers disturbingly well.”

           “You’re feeling a lot of emotions right now,” I chuckled at last.

           “I missed you intensely, yes. We both picked this at the beginning. You didn’t leave me out. I stayed. I knew you needed time after…” Loki came up to see my face. “It brought me pain knowing that I could not…I couldn’t do or say anything to make the trauma go away. Some nights, I longed to know if you were kept awake by such visions, wishing to be held. I wondered if you tried to shut it all out entirely and I thought, how do you come back when history repeats itself in the worst way? How do you cry over something that’s already been eating away at you from such a young age without feeling like you’re not moving past it? It burns. I remember a time when you tried hard not to shed tears and you said to me… 'I hate that I can ask you so easily for your ugly side but often hesitate to give mine. It isn’t fair,' you uttered. And I told you that you’re just used to hiding yours. I wished that at the time, I also told you explicitly that I’d understand if you did. So when, I felt you struggling after what happened…yes, all I wanted to do was hold you. But, I needed to let you grieve in a way that made you comfortable first.” She smoothed some hair away to kiss my temple and I closed my eyes. “You’re not returning to me magically healed and that’s perfectly fine. I love you. I love who you are.” I took her face and kissed her this time, hands sliding down to slip the clothing away.

           “Shower,” I mumbled against her lips, fabric falling around our feet. The water turned on and I reached out to test it before getting in. Loki was kissing the back of my neck again while I sighed against her and the warm water. “I have to do shower things first.”

           “Is this not a shower thing for us?” Loki hummed against me and I chuckled, soaping up a cloth before she shifted to rub shampoo into my hair. I enjoyed her nails as she massaged my scalp before turning to face her, water rinsed the shampoo away and we washed each other, switching rags.

           “Do you enjoy Shield?” I mused. “Is it helping you?”

           “It serves a purpose for both of us.” Her matter-a-fact tone rang while I ran the cloth from her neck to her shoulder.

           “Not the question.” I washed down her collar and she huffed.

           “I have concrete plans to have you in both forms tonight, talking of Shield will do nothing for my arousal. I was surprised Rogers didn’t try to stop it when he found out. I think he’s watching me. A test perhaps. I’m beginning to see in him what Scott Summers did. Regardless, I don’t see much beyond simple agents in passing. Maria Hill appears frequently, she’s in charge while Fury is out of the country.”

           “But, you made time to talk with Peter Parker. Almost like you might have some experience in being separated from someone you cherish.”

           “I didn’t plan that. He can’t make up for Thor. His girlfriend joined us and they departed. I had no intention of…bonding. She has a good sense of fashion and her…wit is something to be admired.”

           “You’ve been busy,” I conditioned my hair and Loki huffed, shifting to scrub her face under the water. “It help?” I had asked again.

           “On occasion.” She wiped her face and got under the spray a second time.

           “Hey,” I turned Loki around to look into her eyes. “I know I talk a lot about being here and being in this fight. But, if it was your desire to pack up and go again. We could discuss that. We're married and that means we must be on the same team.” She touched my face at that, gathering her nerves.

           “That is appreciated. However, it isn’t my desire. Not most days. Soon this world and the next will rediscover me. There will be no escaping that.” Loki came forward to kiss me, pressing me into the wall. “You’re tiring and we’re getting off schedule.”

           “I can go another hour, it’s only three in the morning.” I turned off the water and Loki tossed a towel over my head to ruffle my hair playfully before my body dried with a spell. “Be gentle with my hair.” I pushed and giggled, pulling the towel back to see her getting out. I followed her into the bedroom and leaned over the vanity to fix my curls while she turned on the television behind me to bring some sound into the room. Instantly, Loki’s arms were around me, pulling me back into her so I turned my head for a kiss.

           “Bed,” she reached blindly to shut the light off and a candle lit by the bed. “I enjoyed our toys but they’re not as much fun without you.” Loki opened her lips against me and squeezed her arms as we stumbled into the bed together. “Although, I’d just like you alone tonight.” Laughing, I scrambled under the covers, forcing her to follow and climb atop me to hover. Loki stared and I exhaled, running my hands from her bottom and up her back. I felt her body give a slight shudder, causing me to lean up on my elbows and kiss her neck.

           “By the nine, your body is so sensitive in either form.” My chuckle was breathless.

           “Just now noticing this?” Loki bit into her bottom lip when I coaxed her onto her back.

           “No, I just still find it cute after all this time of us having sex.”

           “ _Cute?”_ She scoffed. “I, who made you squirm and… _oh_ …” Loki arched when I went lower to tease her breasts, lying between her spread legs with my elbows on either side of her stomach. “I am thrilling and in…completely control…”

           “Okay.” I pressed my lips to her stomach, lazily twisting and tugging her nipples until she grabbed for the pillows.

           “I teased until you pleaded and… _oh…go lower_.”

           “ _Cute_ ,” I mused again, earning a huff. Loki’s words of power were lost when I hitched her thigh up and dipped low to pleasure her with my lips. I moaned, opening my mouth for a kiss that vibrated up her body. She cursed and went tight, tugging at my locks and the sheets all at once. I sucked and shifted to leave marks on the tender skin of her inner thighs.

           “I can’t take this,” her toes curled, thighs lifting to bend and part wider. Her chest heaved and I tortured her clit roughly. “ _Ah_ …I have to fuck you.” I came up and smashed our lips together, two fingers pressing in and curling upward. Loki cried out, back arching while she moved against my hand and closed her eyes. I chuckled aloud when her palm came up to press against the headboard and a spell swept through the room to soundproof it. Nonchalant, I kissed her breasts and pumped my fingers until her hand came down to work her clit before her legs shook. “Shit, I’m close.  _Ngh_ … _already_.” Loki’s free hand surged into my hair, fisting a chunk of my curls while she rocked, unhinged. I felt her climax at the same time a spurt of liquid hit my palm. Gasping, I shot up to see her face when her head tipped back.

           “Did…Did you just…?” I pulled my hand away as she bit her lip and curled up blissfully, tremoring.

           “Sorry.” She twitched a smile.

           “No, don’t apologize, I just didn’t expect it… I can’t even do that.” I laughed when she moaned and turned on her side to hide her face and shift back. Black hair splayed out around his head and I smiled.

           “I came really hard…and early,” Loki groaned and pressed his arms around his chest and stomach. I lost it and fell behind him, giggling into the covers while he whined. Huffing at me, Loki turned and smacked my bottom in retort which made me cry out but laugh more. “You’ve gotten smug, dear wife.” He pressed against my back and slipped his arms around my body to tug me closer.

           “ _Mmm_ , you haven’t changed, you’re hard again against me.” I whispered so he teased my breast and smoothed a hand up my neck. Loki didn’t fuss, slipping his other hand between my thighs to rub.

           “And you’re purring.” He kissed my neck while I latched to him and let him play, tracing shapes into the bundle of nerves until it twitched for him. My lips parted to suckle two fingers when his hand slid further up along my jaw, I flicked my tongue against the pads of skin. We shifted over until I could get on my hands and knees so Loki grabbed my hip and stroked himself for a moment, rubbing along my entrance. As I clenched around him, he pressed in and shifted up so he could hold me against his chest again. My chest radiated with his emotions. I curved to an arch while Loki pumped his hips into mine, fucking me until I had to brace my hands against the headboard.

           “Harder,” I heaved and Loki chuckled, smacking into me now.

           “You’re forgetting, we’re in a mortal bed. Remember the first four?”

           “I thought it was five?” I turned my head to eye him, meeting his thrusts with similar fervor. “Shall we go for six?”

           “We cracked the wall…” Loki moaned out, squeezing my hips. Pleasure soared up our bodies. “Scratched the floor up.”

           “You seemed proud at the time.” I pulled from him so we could switch positions, pressing him to sit at the bedside so I could straddle his hips. Loki clenched his teeth when I thumbed his tip before sliding down his girth. Hair fell over my shoulders as I smoothed his back from his face and let him bounce me atop his cock. Our foreheads touched and we just enjoyed the sensations of just touching; being together here. He squeezed my fleshy thighs, groping for my bottom to playfully smack me again so I’d move faster. I gripped his shoulders and met his lips for a long kiss, burying my face into his neck and hair after. We rocked together in hard, quivering motions until Loki’s hand slipped around the small of my back to hold me tight so he could play with my clit without me falling. The moment I arched, his teeth tugged at my nipple, tongue lapping once before he left a purple mark on my other breast. I rode him and closed my eyes, head back to enjoy every bit of him.

           “I’m there…” I warned and he sped up the pace to push me over the edge of pleasure until I was bucking and twisting around him his lap. I fell forward into him to cling until I sagged with relief. My chest lifted to take in air while he smoothed his hand over my head and rubbed my back. Carefully, I lifted off him but stayed in his lap, reaching down to stroke his shaft. Loki hissed and looked at my face when I came up, working him while he ran his hands along my body. I nipped at his bottom lip before kissing him, earning a moan while I pumped his cock until he grabbed at me blindly and came again. Seed landed against both of us and Loki fell back against the bed, bringing me with him.

           “Should have saved the shower for after,” he commented and I hitched a laugh.

           “Can you even move your legs?”

           “No.” Loki didn’t try.

           “Yes…me neither.” I agreed. “Come on.” I huffed and shifted, tugging at him. “I want to fall asleep with you atop me. I missed that.” Loki reached to tuck some hair behind my ear with such nostalgic fondness. Quickly though, he instead feigned an eye roll at my commands.

           “I  _suppose_  I can do that.”

** ** **

           When I turned over after three hours sleep, I was alone in the early hours of the morning. Birds flew past the half open curtains as I lifted my head and yawned, stretching out before I got up to shower first. Steam carried in the air, I turned on the cold water halfway through to jolt my body to life. After getting ready, I slipped out to go into the kitchen and paused to toss laundry from Bucky and I into the washer.

           “So, all in all, you have few memories outside of what the Smithsonian told you? The great Captain Rogers and his loyal ally, who could ever live up to that?” Loki’s voice sounded and I paused.

           “Yeah, I guess…I…maybe I’m trying to pretend to be that guy. The hero they said sacrificed himself. Maybe we both should have stayed dead. Could be better for this country to see those heroes…instead of this.” Bucky paused. “Can she fix me?”

           “It’s not her job to fix you. Did Hydra not already create you with the image of perfection,  _soldier?”_ Loki scoffed. “She’ll help you remember but you must first ask it of her. Gods listen when they're prayed to, so I hear. She says few pray to her and I know she longs for it. Consent, yes? You have to ask yourself if the pain will be worth it. Will it be the proper means to the end? Will it  _satisfy_  you?”

           “It sounds better than pretending.”

           “We’re all pretending,  _dearest_  James Barnes.” Loki commented and I pressed my lips at that.

           “So, you know Steve too?” Bucky asked after another moment.

           “Begrudgingly. Briefly.” Loki replied. “He isn’t my type.”

           “Thought you weren’t one for types,” I came around the corner and quirked my brow at Loki with a cup of coffee, leaning over the counter to flash her cleavage at poor Bucky Barnes. “What’s all this?” I paused to pet Naaki when she jumped up onto the counter.

           “Off,” Loki cocked her head and Naaki, to my surprise, jumped down.

           “Wow, Ava. You two turned over a new leaf.”

           “We uprooted the whole tree, darling.” Loki turned to tend to the stove. “Breakfast for the growing superhuman soldier and my ethereal goddess. Eggs, toast, ham. Real meat, none of that jelly-like swill from the deli.” She accepted a kiss when I passed before I sat down and flicked my wrist, pointing toward the cupboard. It opened and some plates and glasses floated down to the table. Bucky sat straighter and Loki shot me a look. “Showoff.”

           “Sleep well?” I let my coffee pour itself before cream and sugar was added while I watched Bucky stare at that before answering.

           “Fine… So, you’re a witch…a witch god  _being?”_

           “You ought to know about me, you read my file.” I picked up my drink.

           “Still blurry on everything. Got wiped a lot.”

           “That might be a good thing,” I sipped. “Forgive me. Not that you got wiped. The fact that they had to wipe you frequently in the first place.”

           “It means your mind fought back. Every single time.” Loki elaborated and Bucky inhaled sharper, returning to his coffee before she scooped a pile of food onto his plate. I mouthed a thank you when she peered at me and gave me some food before serving herself.

           “To answer your earlier question,” I went on when Bucky nodded, “I studied the art and science of sorcery growing up in Asgard while I trained as a warrior. They intertwined well for me. Eventually.” I shared a look with Loki while she poured sugar into her coffee and drank in silence. We ate with idle conversation. Bucky appeared to warm up even with his shoulders so tight. He excused himself and I slipped my plate into the sink then filled my coffee, sitting by Loki as I stared out the window. Snow began to fall.

           “You like him.” I began.

           “I pity him.” Loki stared at the morning paper, lifting her coffee until I filled it with magic for her.

           “You flirted with him.”

           “ _So?_ I find him handsome. I flirt with everyone I find pleasing to the eye.”

           “You enjoy him.”

           “He’s got Thor’s lost puppy eyes to an extreme,” Loki mused, “with a rugged, haunted appearance to match. I’ll simply weep if I stare too long.” Naaki jumped up onto the table and picked up Loki’s unfinished ham before bounding away to chow down. “You giant rat!” Loki growled and I laughed.

           “ _Uprooted_ , huh?”

           “If she had fur, I’d make her into a hat.”

           “You love her. Dracula, right?”

           “You mean,  _Frankenstein_ , my dear. He was the doctor who created monsters. Please, don’t bore me with mortal metaphors.” Loki chuckled and I pushed at her, causing her to resume the paper with a hard look.

           “Dracula created vampires. Still monsters. He counts.” I crossed my arms. “I’m fitting in…”

           “All mortal stories end the same. Most of all the love stories. Extraordinary boy and shy girl. She fixes him. He completes her. Pale heterosexuals. Spouting I love you after two pages of meeting without even a built friendship. Happy and perfect after fleeting hardships and a villain with little drive and forced personality but, you step back and realize they’re only coveted for their looks. Utters of, _oh, baby, I'll die without you_. It’s a bland formula that even Asgard got over before our time.”

           “Look at you go.” I stole a page of the paper to read through. “What of the mortal stories with extraordinary girls and shy boys? With or without the forced boundary of heterosexuality in the mix?”

           “They’re few and far between. Unfortunately worse.”

           “Why is that?” I drank and Loki huffed.

           “The girl dies in the end. Always.” She peered up. “Two guesses why, clever wife.”

           “Let’s see. With what I’ve seen of this world, I can think of but a few. Foremost, those who do not conform to these strict boundaries of sex and gender are only allowed tragedy. Creators use and abuse and reuse again. They believe fans only want tragedy because it’s somehow  _relatable_  when really they believe the _abnormal_ do not deserve a truly happy ending.”

           “One.”

           “Next, these girls brought up with extraordinary notions get trapped in a sexist loop of being too powerful and wide-eyed for her own good. She has to die to be free.”

           “Ding, ding.” Loki droned and I smirked at her. “Isn’t mortal literature wonderful?”

           “I’ll stick to my spell books and undecipherable journals of those who went to hell and back seeking knowledge of beings mightier than us. You know I partially blame you for this.”

           “I’ll drink to that,” Loki lifted her mug and we clinked glasses.

           “When did you become so self-aware?”

           “When the worlds forced me to look back and then forward.” Loki sipped, turning the page. “Then even farther.”

           “Do they want you at Shield today?”

           “Yes, few hours tops. I’ll bring some clothes back for Beefy. Oh, I meant, _Bucky._ Don’t make too much of a mess with your newest conquest.” Loki swallowed and set the paper down. “Do you want the footage I have? Osborn. I can get that as well.”

           “I’d like to see it for my own eyes, yes.” I paused. “Was there anything else you needed to show me?”

           “Not at the moment. Not here. When you come into Shield or Avengers Tower and get briefed on the Hydra situation…you’ll be able to give but a few answers.”

           “Do you think…?” I lowered my voice. “Do you think it’s really Thanos? I see him in my dreams but this is something else entirely.”

           “I want to say no. I do. I ask myself why he has not tried to come for me. If he knows the truth that I am here. He must.” Loki stared into my eyes. “I realize that perhaps I am not the mind he should enter if it was his wish to torture me.” She touched my face, thumb tracing down my scar before I whispered.

           “Did he find new pawns in Hydra?”

           “Try to remember what I did when I came to Midgard. I found easy puppets to use and hide behind while I found the Tesseract. Enemies of Shield. Our history is repeating itself. You. Thanos. The Avengers. What happened to you in that damn lab. It’s what he wants.” Loki dropped her hand and I covered it with mine.

           “What he wants is death.”

           “Funny.” Loki breathed. “That he would find enemies in a group of beings who cheated it.”

** ** **

           “You didn’t go with her to Shield?” Bucky appeared while I wiped my counters down, pausing to let magic continue before the rags got tossed into the laundry behind me.

           “No,” I swallowed, picking Naaki up from the table to move her to the couch. "Come, sit." Bucky took his place in a separate chair while I let Naaki curl into my side. He wasn’t much for conversation now, instead pulling various weapons out of his bag to clean and fix after what happened at the hotel. I flipped through news channels and paused when I saw a pro-mutant protest in Washington with even a few superhuman allies. The reporter on site spoke before being joined by the studio. The person the woman was talking to shook me up as he looked into the camera.

           “When last do you remember civil humans taking to the streets to riot over the existence of mutants?” Stryker was looking into my eyes and I stopped breathing.

           “Well, Colonel, recent polls-”

           “Ma’am, I’ve seen the polls but I’ve also seen what mutants can do. I ask why they won’t just live civilly with us. Using violence and fear to control humans, that isn’t how things are done. Put humans and mutants together, I can already predict what they’ll do. Would you let your children share a school with a person who could, say, set fire to the entire classroom? Blow the school up?”

           “With all due respect, there have been zero reports of mutant attacks on schools. Why are mutants held to this standard but those like Johnny Storm have the same-”

           “Yes, but Storm is out into the world. What are these mutants trying to hide? I’m not willing to wait and find out. Super-humans think vigilante justice will put the world back together but it’s costing us in property damage, order, and human lives.”

           “Sir, do you have any comment on the discovery of underground mutant kidnapping and trafficking?”

           “Yes,” Stryker was looking at me and the lights began to flicker on and off. Fresh air turned to smoke with mold spores around me, a dilapidated landscape materialized. Bucky took no notice while he sharpened a knife and kept his gaze from the television. I looked at my hands and realized I was strapped down again under the harsh fluorescents. Stryker was crawling out of the television, eyes locked on mine while I tried to open my mouth. “It’s my duty to cleanse this earth of filth. You could have been the perfect tool.” I remembered the way he watched me, always behind the camera. Talking in soothing tones that prickled my skin. Telling me to repent. Telling me to end the suffering of the damned.

           I wheezed, tried to take in my air.

           Strapped down to a chair, I could see Thanos’ world rise up.

           Feel his hands slip around my neck from behind.

           “You’re nothing but a  _heathen_  to this world.” Stryker leaned over. “Comply and it’ll stop hurting.”

           “Isn’t that what you want?” Thanos kissed the side of my head before I closed my eyes when his hands squeezed. “Come back,” he urged, shaking me while I struggled.

           “Hey!” Bucky’s metal hand was on the back of my head, the other gripped my shoulder. I gave a high pitched gasp to get air back into my lungs, abruptly settling my hands his jaw. Something connected together, intertwining our souls and I could see the visions flash across his eyes of the lab. I took as I gave and accepted the crimes Hydra committed against his mind and body before we both jolted back from each other. Bucky fell against the floor, muttering numbers again before he rubbed his eyes. “What was that?” He got up at the same time I did, hands outstretched.

           “I had an episode of panic, I’m sorry, I shouldn't...” I explained without air before pulling him up. “I’m being haunted by something not of this world. Or the next.”

           “I saw you.” Was the only sentiment he could portray.

           “I saw you as well.” I heaved a little again and shook my head. Naaki was on the other side of the room in a rigid curve.

           “The…The cat got up…started growling at you… That’s when I noticed.” Bucky lowered his hands. “You alright?”

           “No. You?” He gave a scoff at that before shaking his head. “Right. Same page. That's comforting.” I passed him to pour myself some water before pouring him a cup. We gulped without ceremony and glasses clicked down after.

           “I remembered something about Hydra. Another reason they wanted you.”

           “Controlling people isn’t enough?” I huffed, moving to turn the television to something else. “Stryker did to me what he’s done to hundreds of mutants and there are people in this country who seek his council. What is that supposed to say to the rest of us?” Naaki relaxed and sniffed the air before approaching us again, resuming her place on the couch with a watchful eye. “I can’t make up for those seventy years of torment but I’m sorry.”

           “I was just the prototype.” Bucky place his hand on the counter. “I know that much. They saw you, and Thor…Loki. They saw beings from another world. More powerful than anything on Earth. They would have done anything for an army.”

           “Hydra isn’t powerful enough to invade Asgard and steal a bunch of us.”

           “They wanted a new being all together. With the perfection of super soldier and Asgardian warrior. All into one moldable person.” Bucky stared at me and I cocked my head before he pointed to my stomach.

           “…They wanted to fertilize a bunch of my eggs…with you?”

           A breeder.

           That’s what I was.

           “Something like that. Impossible dream to them now. Sorry I’m not better looking at the moment.” Bucky lowered his eyes awkwardly and I shook my head, trying to smile for him to set him at ease. “We need to do it today.”

           “ _It?”_ I stood straighter.

           “My brain, I need you to go in and…do what you do. Hydra’s in there and I want them out. As much as you can do, at least. Even if I tell you to stop. Even if it hurts. Give me your word. Take me to Steve when it’s done.”

           “I give you my word,” I offered him my scarred hand and robotic fingers wrapped around my palm before we shook on it. “Let’s sit again…we both should be relaxed. I can give you something for the pain and anxiety.”

           “No drugs.”

           “Fair. We’ll do it today. This evening.” I clasped my hands and watched him pick up a large rifle to reload it and fix something that was jammed.

           “Know how to use one?” He asked without looking.

           “Safety off. Aim. Fire. I get the idea.” I paused. “Never really used one. We don’t value such weapons on our end of Asgard. Cannons perhaps. Laser rifles are more popular in different warrior circles.” I cocked my head to watch him swiftly and robotically fix up all his guns like he had many times without issue.

           “Don’t imagine recoil is a big problem with that strength.”

           “Likely not,” I blinked. “Can you show me the proper positioning for holding one? Seen it enough. Perhaps, I should know for later.”

           “Start small,” Bucky came to sit next to me, slipping a handgun into my palm while he positioned me. “Dominant hand here.”

           “I held something like this when I was a little girl.” I mused as he shifted my fingers around. “Our instructor brought ancient weapons from other worlds into our classroom. It was an interesting lesson.”

           “You go to school with Thor and Loki?” Bucky asked before bringing my other hand up. “Place the heel off your opposite hand here. Hold it firmly, no death grip.”

           “Like this?” I asked and he nodded before I answered his question. “I didn’t hold any early schooling with them. They were princes. Had many private tutors from around our world of different races. It wasn’t proper for commoners to share a classroom with royalty. We got older and shared a training ground before we were teens.”

           “How old were you when you killed your first target?” Bucky took a moment to look at my face in question and I blinked at him, lowering the gun.

           “Let’s see. When our village was invaded… If I were to convert it to Midgardian years…I’d say…about…twelve or so?” I felt his hand lower from my arms while he positioned them.

           “What about your first real battle?”

           “Again…in Midgardian years… Perhaps fifteen or sixteen.” I watched him stare into my eyes in slight confusion. “I grew up very poor. Being a warrior set me free.”

           “Is that average for most Asgardians? To be killing as a kid? We started young in my time…but not that young.”

           “Young teens? Yes, I’d say so. Our world is unpredictable. We’re taught how to protect it early. Villages get pillaged. In Asgardian years, I had already been alive for a very long time.”

           “Immortal?” He nodded when I lifted the gun to aim a red laser at the television. “Good, you get the idea. Next?”

           “Yes,” I sat straight while he moved to retrieve a longer rifle, setting the strap over my shoulder. “We’re not immortal, we just age differently when we reach our adolescent years.”

           “So you had to go through being a teenager for a few hundred years?” Bucky made a joke and I chuckled.

           “We have our friends, they’re all going through the same.” I paused as he fixed my arms and hands around the rifle.

           “Fire this in the wrong position, you’ll get hurt,” he lifted the weapon and I nodded.

           “Do you remember Steve before the serum?”

           “Somewhat. Always getting into fights.”

           “Happy to know that hasn’t changed in that case.” I smirked and slipped the weapon away to let him have it back. Sobering, I shifted one hand over Naaki before I exhaled. “Is there anything you want to do before we start, Bucky?”

           “Can’t think of anything.”

           “I’ll prepare.”

** ** **

           After leaving him, I gave Bucky time to his thoughts while I used magic to clean up the spare bedroom. Anxious, I dressed the bed in fresh sheets and opened the curtains to let some light in as the day left. Snow fell again in big flurries while I lit a lamp by hand and set it on a high shelf. Bucky appeared in dark pajama pants before I nodded and he pulled his shirt off. This time, I really got a good look where the shoulder of his robot prosthetic met his skin. Briefly, I thought of Elise and the way her eyes sparkled and hardened to diamonds like the snow forming along the window ledge just outside.

           “Come lie across the bed this way,” I instructed, pulling up a chair to the side where his head would be while his legs stretched to the opposite side. “I’ve never…done anything of this magnitude. We both need to be in some state of meditation. Calm. If we get too agitated, it will affect the other. I know it is asking a lot but I need you to have my back and I will have yours as well.”

           “I will.” Bucky tensed his jaw to swallow and nodded, clasping his fingers over his abdomen.

           “When I sleep, I’m vulnerable to forces I’m usually able to better block out during the day.”

           “This, uh, Thanos?”

           “You did the readings I gave you. Good.” I sighed. “When I do this, it will be the same. We have to stay connected. Stay level. I don’t want to ruin this for you.” My chest heaved and I looked away.

           “Hey,” he coaxed me back as I centered myself. “Thank you…” Bucky’s eyes sparkled briefly. “I can’t take it back.”

           “We both have to move forward.” I set my hands on the bed. “Another thing, when we connect, you’re going to have a passage into my mind but I’m going to see everything in yours. Your deepest desires. Your worst fears. The pain and hope that made you who you are.”

           I remembered Nerien and the way he desired to see inside.

           “I’m going to see it, Bucky Barnes, and I’m going to see what was done with it. What you could do with it.” I watched his head sink into the mattress before he searched my eyes and nodded as I reached out for his hand. Skin came together and I sighed. “Anxiety. We’ve only just begun.”

           “I thought that was you.” He uttered in jest and I smiled.

           “You’re not wrong,” I pressed one hand to the side of his head, fingers smoothing briefly over his temples and toward his jaw. I cupped his face and gave a slow shudder. The next palm followed and Bucky shifted to grip my wrist, curling his robotic arm to his stomach with a fist. “Ready?”

           “Do it.” Bucky sucked in air when the sensation hit him, eyes going wide and shutting. I felt him tense and the door flew shut before I soundproofed the room with what I could. His face grew tight, teeth clenching together and I cried out when pain flowed up my spine. My forehead dropped to touch his and our connection twisted together while he squeezed my wrist. We sunk as one soul with screams of agony before I fell down a void into a pile of snow. Wind whipped around my body like it was real for just a moment and I turned, puffing before I yanked Bucky up with me. He was writhing and yelling so I shook him.

           “Bucky! It worked! We’re here! It won’t be long now…” I watched him blink at me, eyes growing wide before he pointed. Across the way, a younger James Barnes was being hauled through the snow with a broken body and bloody mess of a missing arm. I turned and Bucky looked at my eyes before touching his shoulder where metal met skin.

           “I can still feel it…” He muttered and I took his hand.

           “I have to get deeper if this is going to work.” I tugged him along before the sky turned a dark shade of purple, crawling like an infection above.

           “What’s that…?”

           “Bad.” I broke into a sprint with him at my side before we drew shelter under a rocky ledge. “Bucky…I need you to take us away. Let me in with you. Think of something better.” The air was growing thicker, harsh rocks materialized. “Remember Steve. I can see him here in your head. You feel that?” I took his face in my hands. “Bucky! Now!” We pressed together and came apart, a tiny room of an apartment surrounded us. The younger Barnes was there, weeping softly with a letter clutched into his hand.

           “It’s out of order still. But, you remember this now, yes?”

           “I…” Bucky stared at himself and shook noticeably. “I got drafted.”

           “I was informed that you joined up a while before Steve did. Wanted to fight.” I watched him glance at me. “Why?”

           “You know.”

           “You must say it.”

           “I was scared.” Bucky’s lip quivered. “I didn’t want to go. It was Steve who did. Just wanted to marry a sweet girl and have some kids and join Steve for cards every Friday night. Like I was supposed to at that time. Grow old with my friend. I was scared. But, I put on the uniform and smiled at Steve like I was a genius. I was a damn idiot!” Bucky kicked a chair over and it immediately snapped back up. “I prided myself on being the hero. Saving Steve when his hothead got him into trouble. I was always there for him… I…” Bucky shook and I took his arms. “I can’t do this.”

           “You made me promise.” I touched his face. “I’m so sorry.” We sank through the floor into a room as they zapped a budding Winter Soldier to hell and back to wipe him. His screams echoed. No one around seemed to mind. Next to me, Bucky watched and furrowed his brow.

           “My unit got captured…they experimented on me. I wasn’t the same after. Steve could feel it. Always did. But, he was Captain America. Stronger than I. Steve was always stronger than I was… I just pretended to be the big man during fights in those alleyways. The best years of my life, I spent with him. But, he didn’t need me now. I prayed…I did. I prayed that he’d save me when Hydra got me again. But, they wiped me clean and I… I was gone.”

           “Not forgotten.” I reached again for his hand and we materialized away onto an empty street. “Bucky? Why are we here?” I felt him release me and look around, into the dark forest. He grew rigid and stood straight up, turning to rush and push us off the road before a car swerved to avoid something. Smoke made the vision all fuzz as we looked up, Bucky’s arm was draped over me and I grabbed him to keep him in place. The Winter Soldier had gotten off his motorcycle, covered from head to toe like a ghost. Bucky recognized the people in the car before his past self brutally finished them off, breaking a woman’s neck and bashing the man’s face in.

           “ _Howard_.” Bucky choked the name. “His wife. Her name was Maria.”

           “Tony’s parents…” I tugged at his arm, horrified. "It truly was Hydra." The Soldier stole a case from the car and disappeared into the night. Bucky and I were swallowed into the soil, only to land in a world I knew of stars and ash. The platform was empty and Bucky was heaving for air, crying.

           “I remember them all. Every one. I remember why. How.” Bucky surged with pain and I got my arms around him. I covered his eyes while he clung to me and my other arm wrapped around him. “I remember!” Bucky screamed and heaved and screamed once more. The sound didn’t echo and I darted my gaze around while all his memories poured.

           “Bucky, we have to finish, we must go.” Soft blue hues lit just under the platforms around us and I couldn’t hear anything beyond Bucky’s cries. “You’re going to wake ill and in pain but you’ll get strong once more. I need you to ensure I wake too. Promise me! Bucky, you promise me!”

           “I can’t, I can’t do this.”

           “You can!” I shook him, messing hair from his damp cheek to look at his eyes. “You will get through this. You will endure. I know it. Steve knows it. You’re strong and you don’t need to be Captain America to be brave. You know that better than I. Find the one thing you desire above anything else. Touch it because you deserve it. Feel it inside this heart because it belongs there.” Behind me, Thanos stood at the top of the staircase. I watched Bucky's eyes change at the sight of him. This titan. Frantic, I held Bucky’s face firmly and surged forward to place a kiss against his forehead.

           “Thank you…” He uttered, distant and broken down. Bucky tried to hold onto me but I pushed him away, turning him to smoke before Thanos’ boot came down against my leg to pin me in place.

** ** **

           Bucky woke and felt the hands slip away before he arched with a cry. Behind him, the Asgardian slipped down in her chair, he grabbed her shoulders to shake her violently.

           “Wake up!” Bucky heaved her forward to stand, her spine curved and he had to cradle her head. A tiny trail of blood left a thin line from her nose to her lips. He let out a yell, teeth clenched before he dragged her body along. “Don’t you do this! Wake up!” Bucky got them into the bathroom and turned on the freezing cold water. He shouted her name and they both dropped into the tub, ice water soaked clothing while she fell limp against his chest and between his legs. He kept yelling and shaking her around.

           That’s how Loki found them.

** ** **

           Thanos kicked me down a set of stairs, surrounded by the hooded figures. They all moved at once to grab my arms and heave me back as I kicked around, wailing when they held me in place. Thanos took his time while he approached me, tucking some hair away from my face before I tried to bite him, missing. He struck me so hard, I thought my neck would snap. I felt the pain regardless.

           “Give me just one and I will reward you the pleasure to watch.” He took my jaw and squeezed my neck, bringing me up from his followers. “They will close in. I’ll have my prize even if you kick the entire way. You and that bitch queen destroyed my gauntlet. You took what did not belong to you. For that, I accept nothing less than the soul you harbor, deep inside. You will repay the debt. You don't know what you have. The potential. How much more are you willing to lose before you flock to me? How much more can I take from Loki? Yes, foolish girl, I see him as clear as day… Right here.” I screamed. Thanos reeled his other fist back as I kicked before he plunged it into my chest. My body cracked and I woke to ice stabbing needles into my skin.

           “She’s awake!” Loki had her fist tight into my hair and she turned the shower off. Bucky and I were both hyperventilating and shaken, separating from each other as Loki pulled me out first and started putting towels around my body.

           “Bucky…” I heaved and Loki shook her head. He was just sitting in the tub with a distant, fatigued expression.

           “Go change into something dry, I’ll take care of this.” Loki pushed me out of the room while I slipped and stumbled into our other bathroom, tearing clothing away until I could breathe again. My fingers splayed out against tile as I hovered nude and tried to gather my mind.

           I felt the weight of Thanos’ grip on my heart once before it vanished.

** ** **

           In the bathroom, Loki set her hands on her hips and sighed.

           “You’ll have to vacate our shower sometime.”

           “I remember it. All of it. All of them.” Bucky muttered. "Everything from before it."

           “She warned you.” Loki watched him. “You have a fever, boy, come out and dry off.” Loki was gather towels and draping them over Bucky before he surged forward to get out and vomited into the toilet. “That looks about right.” Loki forced herself not to huff outwardly and pulled Bucky’s hair from his face. “Get it over with.”

** ** **

           “Sweetheart,” Loki coaxed before I pulled a towel to my chest and sat against the sink.

           “Come in.” I waited and she poked her head in.

           “You could have warned me you were performing that.” She kneeled down, pulling my towel away to dry me with magic and dress me with some force. “What if you didn’t wake? What if I wasn’t there? You both could have been killed.” Loki sighed when I didn’t react and took my face. “I’m taking you to Avengers Tower tomorrow. When the boy is well again, you bring him to Rogers.” I wrapped my arms around her while she tried to fuss with a bra on me and I didn’t let go.

           “I’m sorry,” I wept silently. “I’m so sorry.”

** ** **

           “It’s draining, I know,” I offered to a silent Barnes as I sat down at his bedside. “Your health will improve in the morning.”

           “Bring me to Steve tomorrow. I want to look them all in the eye.” Bucky pressed his lips and looked at my face. “I want to bring those bastards down. I know Hydra better than all of you. I know their secrets. I know where they hide. Bring me to the Avengers and I’ll give them everything.”

           "Tony Stark will be there." I frowned, eyes flicking aside. "Oh, Tony... Bucky, what happened was not your fault but seeing you... It will bring my friend pain. He won't take to it and he may lash out in response."

           "Yes. You're right." Bucky hesitated. "I need to face them. Sooner is better. I was meant to help The Avengers. I was meant to fight next to Steve. We were supposed to meet too. I see that now and it hasn't been this clear since..." We locked eyes and I saw his colors bloom and flourish. Lavender flitted when it came together. My lips pressed up in response. The sight truly took my breath away.

           “The path is clear, Bucky Barnes. Ask to do it in exchange for security under this government. They cannot find you.”

           “I don’t care, I want to bring down Hydra.” Bucky sniffled and I shifted a cooling cup of fresh tea closer.

           “Drink up and meditate. I’ll take you with us tomorrow.” I was hesitant when I touched Bucky’s hand and he shifted to allow my fingers into his palm. The contact heated skin. “You feel certain. I’m glad.”

           “That thing…before I woke up. That was Thanos, wasn’t it?”

           “Yes.”

           “He’s a monster.” Bucky murmured and I nodded, eyes intent.

           “And now you can recall what one looks like.” I leaned in, voice so even. So genuine. It resonated in his heart. “We’re going to stop Hydra.”

           “They had some artifacts from the battle in New York. The day they tried to get that stone and you took it. They collected a lot. Should start there. Find out what.”

           “Yes, you’re right. Rest for now if you can. Tomorrow, we’ll go.”

           “Thank you,” Bucky had uttered, my name followed when I got up to go.

           “No,” I pressed my lips. “I should also be thanking you.”

           After all this time, I could feel myself increasing once more.

*** ** **

           “…You both are going to have to get out of the car.” Loki huffed, sitting back to admire her black nails. “It’s been ten minutes.”

           “All right,” I bit the inside of my cheek and turned to peer at Bucky. “Wait here. I’ll go talk to them and maybe we’ll get Steve out here. I don't have a plan.” Bucky offered a silent nod before we got out and I kept up with Loki’s larger strides. The snowy streets were damp and I pulled my coat closer, casting her a look. “They’re all here?”

           “Yes, they’re all waiting now. I used this.” Loki handed me the Avengers device I lost in the crash then used the keypad, putting in a set of numbers before Jarvis greeted her.

           “Welcome.” We were allowed in and I followed Loki to the elevator before the doors opened and Pepper paused mid sentence to see me.

           “You’re back.” She turned from the man next to her. “Happy, bring the car around, please.”

           “Got it,” he passed and I smiled.

           “Nice to see you again.”

           “I wondered why they were all gathering today.” She held the elevator. “Can’t stay. Meeting. See you around?”

           “Definitely.” I waved and Loki pressed the button. We went up and I flashed a smile as the doors opened. Clint and Tony were playing a videogame while the rest gathered around the couch. I took a few steps forward and tilted my head. “Hi…”

           “Just in time to watch me demolish, Tony.” Clint kicked back and I managed a laugh as Natasha got up to greet me.

           “Natasha, I love the hair. I feel like it’s different every time I see you.” I took her arms and embraced her.

           “We didn’t expect to see you so early,” she tugged my wrist and had me join the rest when I didn’t move. Steve touched my back and smiled so I relaxed to hug him.

           “I’ve been busy off the grid.”

           “No shit,” Clint chuckled, pushing at Tony before he paused the game.

           “A wig? Really?”

           “Tony,” Bruce chided and I hugged him briefly.

           “It helped,” I shrugged. “It itched a little. I’m not a talented illusionist. I missed you all. Heard you were as busy as I was.”

           “Seems like you got farther,” Sam came to embrace me before he took a seat by Clint.

           “Ah, I had help,” I stood in front of the television and pulled something from my bag.

           “Twice you’ve run off and not invited us. I should change the locks.” Tony crossed his arms when I didn’t move.

           “A friend and I put something together this morning. It’s somewhat scattered but you should expect nothing less from me.” I spread a map out on the coffee table, scooting on my knees and Tony leaned over. My hand laid on his arm and he pressed his lips up at me as if to ask that I was okay. I nodded in response. “Every abandoned and in use Hydra facility known. I’m sure that there are more. It’s a start.” Natasha scooted in by Tony to study the places before she looked up.

           “How?”

           “I have contacts too.” I blinked. “X-Men also seem to like me more than Tony and Steve. They fed my need for information on Hydra and Stryker in their own explorations.”

           “That’s a fair point,” Tony shrugged. “Summers hates Steve and he can’t stand it.”

           “We’re civil.” Steve crossed his arms.

           “Bruce, I think this is all you.” Tony rolled it up and Bruce took it.

           “I’ll get it down to the lab, meet me in ten.”

           “I heard there were new developments.” I cocked my head and Tony chuckled, standing up so I followed.

           “You don’t get to come back and pump us for information then leave again.” He turned his head and I laughed at that.

           “Tony, don’t punish me, it wasn’t exactly a vacation.” I smirked, sighing. “We all need a little soul searching, I’m certain all of you understand.”

           “We’re just glad you’re back in one piece.” Sam offered and I nudged him.

           “Look, before you show me what you’ve found at Hydra, I have something…kind of big…” I shifted my stance and peered at Loki, still near the elevator. “Go get him.”

           “But, we…” She furrowed her brow and turned. I realized that our lying and separation was pulling us from our goals. My hands trembled when I clasped them. “Fine.”

           “Who?” Natasha faced me and I pulled my coat off as Loki went.

           “I need to rip the bandage off now, it won’t do me or you any good to come back together with more secrets.” I shifted my stance. “I’m a little hurt the Daily Bugle never gave me a nickname, you know?”

           “You kept under the radar better than most,” Steve offered with a slight grin.

           “How many facilities did you knock over?”

           “Two,” Tony paused. “Anything else in that bag of secrets?”

           “Nothing that will fit,” I sighed. “Brock Rumlow is alive.”

           “A building collapsed onto him, I saw it happen,” Sam shook his head.

           “He’s badly scarred but it was him, I’d recognize that filth anywhere.” I swallowed. “They experimented on him, he’s stronger. Much stronger. You might know him as Crossbones.”

           “I remember him, escaped the second facility with others.” Steve heaved a breath. “It was the same lab they tortured Bucky in. Did  _Ava_  tell you about-?”

           “She told me a few things,” I shot him a look and swallowed. “I heard about Harry. What was your last location on him?”

           “Oscorp." Sam replied. "Found a new friend in Doc Ock. Parker’s been around, not really involved at the moment. We called him to come in today, he’ll be late.”

           "I see." I shifted my stance. "Tony, I want to apologize. I don't know how to do this without making a mess. We need to be a team again. Fate demands it."

           "What do you-?"

           “Sir,” Jarvis interrupted, “There is an unknown person entering the building, my code was overwritten.”

           “It’s Ava.” I sighed and Steve faced me.

           “Who’s with her?”

           “I… Well, you see, I did a lot in my time away and it kind of culminated at the end. I planned it. Sort of.” I fiddled with my hair and Tony peered at a screen.

           “Your girlfriend overrode Jarvis…shockingly rude.”

           “I really don’t know a clean way of doing this,” I went on, “I’m sorry.” I came to the elevator when it opened and beckoned for Bucky to come forward as he stood behind Ava. “Steve?”

           “What have you…?” Steve knocked over a vase and it broke while he crossed over with mute steps.

           “Why did I bother decorating?” Tony lamented quietly before they all went silent when I took Bucky’s wrist to guide him out into the room. _"...Him."_

           “I believe you all know him to some degree…” I gestured and backed away when Steve shot me a look of disbelief. “Hydra trailed after Bucky but I found him first, we barely escaped Rumlow in DC. His mind was compromised but it just needed a little guidance. He’s agreed to help with Hydra in exchange for a secure location.”

           “Bucky…?” Steve was wide-eyed.

           “Yeah,” Bucky nodded, unable to look at his friend for longer than two seconds.

           “You remember me?”

           “You’re Steve.” Bucky paused. “Your mom’s name was Sarah. We used to put the couch cushions on the floor when you stayed at my house when we were kids. My mom hated it… You used to hide your spare house key under a brick next to your door. Was the worst spot ever.” Steve stepped forward and paused briefly only to rush, gathering Bucky into his arms. Bucky didn’t return the embrace but he let Steve squeeze him. “I remember your big mouth always got you into trouble, I lost count of the alleyways I found you fighting in. I always had to finish them off.”

           “You’re sure he can’t be compromised,” Natasha approached to whisper and I exhaled.

           “It's a complicated situation. Hydra has their way. I went into his head and connected his memories, there was some brain damage from what happened. I used runes to hold it all together and he can heal, I do know what I’m doing so some degree. I cannot say for sure what will happen. Trauma licks wounds back open easily. I can’t cure mental illness.” I assured her and Clint when he walked over. Sam shifted toward Steve as he parted from Bucky, who was trying not to well up with tears.

           “Sam Wilson,” he offered his hand and Bucky hesitated but took it. “You about snapped my wings in half.”

           “Yeah, sorry.” Bucky pressed his lips. As they spoke, I approached Tony when he was silent, staring at Bucky.

           “I read the files. The ones Natasha let slip out.” He seethed, looking at me like I betrayed him. In his eyes, I saw the portal opening to Thanos, threatening once again to swallow him whole. “How could you do this?”

           “Tony, we all read those files and we know what Hydra did to this man. What they did to you...” I let him push at me.

           “How could you bring him here?!” Tony was haunted. “You know the truth!” He grabbed my shoulders and I took hold of his wrists.

           “It wasn’t him, Tony!” I shot back as Natasha and Ava pushed between us.

           “Hey!” Steve came forward. “Don’t do this.”

           “Say it, Psyche! Rogers, you know it too! All of you know because you all saw the Shield-Hydra files.”

           “I killed Howard.” Bucky slipped against the wall and Tony rushed toward him, the gauntlet of one of his suits snapped around his hand from a metal bracelet. “I killed Howard.”

           "You killed my mom!"

           “Tony,” I grappled him, bringing him to the floor. “Hydra used and violated this man and you know it, we cannot fight amongst each other so take that anger and put it back into bringing them down.” Tony blinked and breathed heavily before he looked at me and nodded, not at all well in this world. "I didn't do this to hurt you but, it did and I cannot change that. I am so sorry. I care deeply for you. For this team. I did it because The Avengers have a fighting chance. Bucky wants to do good. We can take Hydra down together."

           “Let me go.” He twisted from me.

           “Hydra assassinated Howard and Maria Stark. Bucky was just their tool. But, we’ve gotten him back.” I turned Tony around to look at him before Steve heaved him up while Clint and Natasha pulled me to my feet as well. “We have to move forward. Show me what you got from Hydra and let us help.”

           “He falters once, he goes.” Tony pointed, shrugging away from Steve. Realizing he'd been too harsh, he relaxed. "Look, I know it wasn't... I just need to process this." I crossed to pull Bucky to his feet with one hand.

           “He’s not a stray dog in need of pampering. He's a grown man in need of some humanity. Some empathy. We have that to spare.” I turned.

           "You did the right thing. The mutants. Barnes. I just need to breathe." Tony inhaled, hands on his hips before he nodded. "We'll burn Hydra to the ground."

           “Let’s get downstairs,” Sam came between us to defuse the rest of the tension. “Focus, guys.” Tony cooled off, eyes voided before he nodded and led us off. Steve stopped me to squeeze me in his arms.

           “Thank you.” He offered a gentle utter of my name. “Thank you for bringing him home.” I merely touched Steve’s face, fingers sliding down it before I went to follow the others. Ava passed him and winked before slipping her hand into mine, earning a hard look. We piled into the elevator and I exited first to come to Bruce’s computer, he peered up and saw Bucky behind me. I watched him jolt up and look at the others.

           “Yeah, this is a thing now,” Clint sat on a desk when Natasha passed him.

           “Bucky Barnes,” he offered and Bruce clasped his hands, side-eyeing Tony.

           “Bruce Banner,” he swallowed and I gestured to the many screens.

           “Ava told me there was talk in Shield of a man who spoke a language from another world. Killed himself.” I paused. “Let me see it.”

           “Right,” Bruce shook his head and reached up to touch the screen, flipping through files.

           “This was recorded at about two in the morning,” Tony quickly pulled himself together. “We got in quietly but…they still knew we were coming. Widow and Hawkeye pulled files. Cap and Falcon neutralized threats. Hulk smashed a few doors in. I found this man, muttering. He turned and shot himself but we have the audio and some visual from my suit. Check it.” The video was blurry but Bruce moved to I could sit down before he settled some headphones over my ears. “Can you translate?”

           “Yes…” I searched the video for any marks but shook my head as a man in uniform stared at a wall, talking to it. “It’s one sided, I cannot hear the person he’s speaking to so it must be inside his brain. It’s a language I recognize from my side of these realms. Ancient. Gods older than I am. By the nine…” I breathed, pressing my hands over my ears to translate after I rewound it. My voice was numb. “ _They are coming. They are coming. Embrace me… There will be no stopping us now. We don’t have it yet. One or the other. Yes, just one will suffice. Just one. They are coming. It is ready for the world when it opens once more. We haven’t found the girl. I’m sorry. Please. I’m sorry. Embrace me, they are coming. We’ll get one. I swear. Blood will be spilt. Offered hands clasped. You will rise. Take me.”_ I cried out when a shot fired before I pushed the headphones off and calmed my own speeding heart. “That language, no mortal can learn it.” I set my forehead on my hands to focus myself and Bruce touched my shoulder.I could feel Thanos in the air around me again, tugging but I resisted. But, the threads he plucked snapped and gave rise to the reality that everything I built here with Loki was over. I stared up at her and shook my head. “It’s real… All of it. I tried to hold onto the thought that perhaps it was all in my head. I am sorry, my friends.”

           “Not your fault. He probably is getting fed up with his pawns failing. Wants to do it himself.” Steve was looking at Ava when he spoke and she tried not to react, clutching my shoulder. “I think he’s been on this for a long time. You just got caught in the crossfire.”

           “Thanos is trying to get back in and he’s going to succeed.” I was open about my fear and I knew I was getting through to them. “He must be using Hydra. I don’t know if they’re building something or working to get him back into this world but we can’t fight this without Thor.”

           “How do we get him back here?” Steve asked and I shrugged.

           “Big guy came of his own will before, we can’t exactly shoot him a text.” Tony crossed his arms.

           “And Heimdall can no longer see me clearly to turn his gaze,” I peered up at Loki with tears threatening my eyes. “It’s over.”

           “What…? What are you talking about?” She shifted and I passed her. “Where are you going?”

           “Don’t fly off again,” Tony followed behind me.

           “I’m not. This is bad. This is the worst possible outcome. Thanos is growing powerful by the minute and we cannot best him unless we become this unit we spoke of. A real one. He could destroy the worlds. With or without the stones.” I stopped on the stairs. “It’ll take more Asgardians. I’m vulnerable to Thanos but Thor isn’t.”

           “Can you get him?” Natasha asked and I shook my head, climbing the steps in a hurry while Loki pushed her way through and struggled to catch up to me.

           “Please, I...I’m not ready!” Loki burst out, confusing those behind her. “Sweetheart, please!” I got to the roof and called out.

           “Thor! Heimdall! You must see me!” I tried to push the boundary away but felt nothing. Loki grabbed at my arms, shaking.

           “I can’t do this.”

           “You can. We must. Thanos won't wait any longer. He knows about you and he'll come. We can do this, I promise. Just like we talked about many times.” I tried to hold her together. “We planned this.”

           “I lied about it, I can’t. I'm a big liar! Are you surprised?” Loki pulled at me as I called out again, wind picked up and my friends were putting clues together.

           “Give me your wrist,” I held my hand out and Loki backed up.

           “Make me!” She shook her head.

           “Do what she says,” Steve came forward and Loki dodged around him to get away, backing up. Her heels skidded against the snow while she slipped around.

           “Yeah... What the fuck is going on?” Clint raised his hand and voiced finally.

           “Yeah, Psyche, why not explain this secret? A unit, right?” Tony came forward.

           “I have many more and I know you all do so get off me a moment. I’m handling it right now,” I dashed to get my arms around Loki while she kicked and used magic finally to push off me. Green light separated us and we both tumbled over into the snow. “We talked about this. We can’t be afraid, Thanos feeds off it.”

           “I’ve done everything I could!” Loki seethed. “I got into Oscorp. I got into Shield. I kept us covered for you! I won’t give it up!” Natasha came to my side and pulled out a gun, pointed at Loki while she looked at my face.

           “Explain. Now.”

           “We're not giving up...we're evolving! I love you. I always will. We tried but, we knew it would come to this!” I put up my hands, stepping toward Loki as black makeup streaked down her face. “I know you’re scared. I’m frightened too. We can’t do this alone anymore. Please, give me your wrist. Failsafe. I’m calling it now.”

           “They’ll never come around.” Loki crossed her arms, sniffing hard to quell her sadness and rage.

           “They’ll have to,” I put my hand on Natasha’s weapon to lower it. “We’re still in this together but we can’t hide any longer. We can’t. He’s coming for us both and you know it. Everything will die if we keep neglecting this. Give me your hand. I’m sorry.”

           “You’ve never been sorry!” Loki pushed at me as I grabbed her arms.

           “I am.” I was backing her up to the edge of the roof. “I am. Call for him.”

           “I'd rather perish, you know!” Loki gasped out when I clamped something around her wrist from my bag. The illusion dropped and I heard gasps of shock behind me before I let Loki go. He reached out and I watched him fall before he cried out in anguish. “Heimdall!  _Thor!”_ Loki stared at me, betrayal touched his eyes and shined briefly and then it was gone.

            _I am sorry._

           “That was him?!” Natasha spun me around and I scoffed.

           “Steve knew,” I pointed in an instant and Steve shot me a look before Natasha pushed him into the snow. Behind me, a beam of vibrant gold opened up and swallowed Loki whole. A flash of red cast and two bodies rose up, crashing into the center of the helipad. “Move!” I started pushing everyone away as Thor stood, looking complete furious with Loki’s neck in his grasp. “Thor…” I tried but he pointed and let out an unintelligible noise, causing me to back off. It reminded me so of Odin.

           “Who are you?!” Thor shook Loki. “You’re not my brother.” Loki wheezed before he was tossed backward, rolling as I kept moving to push everyone out of the way while the awe set in.

           “It is me!” Loki growled, pulling at the cuff before wildly gesturing to me and it.

           “Oh, right,” I waved my hand and it fell from his wrist before magic charged up his arms and he rushed toward Thor. They clashed, sparing like we were on the training grounds.

           “Back up! Give them a moment, they need this,” I ordered when Steve tried to intervene. “Thor will obliterate you, just let them have this one.” I waved the rest of my friends off. Thor heaved Loki up by his neck and I shifted forward to move Thor’s cape nonchalantly and grab for the flask hanging from his hip. “ _Aw_ , you still have the flask I got you for your Name Day.” I plucked it out and Loki growled at me before Thor threw him again.

           “They’ll burn out, give it another minute,” I passed Tony and he opened his mouth but closed it. Loki materialized twenty replicas and Thor smirked, tearing past them before Loki kicked him in the face. Thor landed a solid punch and I stole two glasses from Tony’s bar, filling them with the alcohol in Thor’s flask. I brought them out and set them on a ledge, sighing while I waited for them to cease.

           “You were alive the whole time?!” Thor grabbed Loki’s hair so he bit down into Thor’s arm before he was dropped in a heap.

           “Don’t do me any favors,” Loki heaved and Thor spun on his heel to see me waving innocently.

           “Thor, it’s great to see you.” I grinned and he marched toward me after picking Loki up by his neck once more. “Your hair is longer, it looks nice.”

           “It grew,” his opposite hand grabbed me up next to Loki.

           “Should we stop this?” Sam offered behind us.

           “Asgardian drama, we should stay out of it,” Tony shrugged.

           “I imagine you’re upset, Thor,” I pulled at his wrist.

           “The whole time,” he bared his bloody teeth at me.

           “To be fair, I found out after I said goodbye to you.” I set one finger out.

           “The whole time?!”

           “We got married?” I tried to grin, twisting a little in his grasp and Thor exploded.

           “You got married without inviting me?!” His shout echoed and a bunch of birds flew off from different parts of the city. Thunder clapped above and the rest cleared all over the parks.

           “We’ll have another just for you.” I swung my feet, trying to touch the ground. “I poured you a drink.” Thor dropped me and I stumbled back a few steps before Bruce and Tony both caught my arms to stop me from falling.

           “Thor-”

           “Don’t!” Thor got in Loki’s face. “Do not utter my name like we’re… Like we’re…” I watched him heave for air, voice cracking as wind blew into his blond hair. Loki was shaking and tried to sputter his usual words.

           “Brother, please.” He broke and Thor dropped him but crushed Loki’s body against his chest. “ _Ngh-No, you idiot!_ ” Loki tried to make himself heavy like a cat, squirming and pressing his shoulder into Thor to get away.

           “Lots of reunions today,” Tony huffed behind me. “I get to rebuild the helipad again.”

           “I imagined this going a lot worse, you know.” I watched Loki get squished into Thor’s chest, crying before Thor fell to his knees.

           “I’m sure now that I never want to go to Asgard.” Bruce added.

           “That’s fair,” I crossed my arms and stopped Clint when he moved forward with a gun, upset beyond belief. I touched his chest and pulled the gun down to the floor.

           “Clint, I know. I do.”

           “You don’t!” He pushed at me. Thor stood to his full height and pushed Loki behind him.

           “My friend, Loki is under my protection. I’ve explained this countless times. After Malekith…”

           “Don’t need it,” Loki had uttered. “Don’t want it.”

           “You saw what he did, he should be in a cell!” Clint replied and Natasha came to his side.

           “I agree.”

           “You don’t have to like Loki, I know what he did!” I cut between everyone. “But, he isn’t that person any longer and I know I won’t convince you. We’ll need him to stop Hydra and Thanos.”

           “Let Thanos have him.” Clint put his gun away and I felt my entire body lock up with pent up grief and fury.

           “This isn’t a game!” Growling, I pushed him down, causing Natasha to land a punch across my face. She hissed and shook her hand out before a massive fight broke out between us all. Bucky edged backwards while Sam was shouting and trying to push us all apart. Bruce’s heart rate picked up and he fell to his knees while Thor and Loki resumed fighting and yelling. Steve joined in, trying to stop Thor and Loki before channeling his rage and then Thor had to stop him from beating Loki into the ground. Tony, with nothing else to give, rubbed his head and tossed back a shot of Asgardian liquor. He shuddered all over and spat some of it out. Natasha, Clint, and I rolled around before Tony started blasting holes into the ground to separate people. Overhead, a jet slowed and flew past our quarreling.

** ** **

           “Scott, are you seeing this…?” Ororo furrowed her brow while she piloted. “Is that the Avengers?”

           “Are they fighting?” Jean came to the window and held a handrail above her. “Should we do something?” Scott smirked and mustered a monotone.

           “No.”

           They carried on.

** *** **

           Sam collapsed with his arms half around me while he tried to pull me away. Natasha gave up and Clint was on his side in the snow next to her, huffing and puffing. Bucky appeared in my line of sight and heaved me up simply with his robotic arm.

           “Couldn’t have done that earlier, man?” Sam swallowed and breathed.

           “No.” Bucky let me down against a wall and I got a better look at my friends. Tony was wasted next to me with his Iron Man gauntlet still on. Bruce was two shades of green and turning back to his usual color. Thor was on his back with Loki trapped in his arms, edging him away from Steve a few feet away. The helipad was broken, dusted in blood spatters, and covered in black holes from Tony. Something cracked behind me and Spiderman swung down with Mary Jane in his arms.

           “Whoa…what happened here?” He peered down at Tony struggling to get up.

           “Peter,” I beckoned him over, digging in my wallet. “You want to order a dozen pizzas for me? You pick the toppings.”

           “I, ugh, sure.” Peter looked up at Bucky after taking the bills. “Who’s he?”

           “Pizza. Now. Go.” I wiped my bloody nose and Mary Jane came around with Bruce after he managed to get up. Bruce pulled Natasha to her feet before he and Sam grabbed Clint after. Tony was using the ledge next to me to stand. Steve crawled and got to his feet, passing Thor when he pulled Loki up with him.

           “I’ll pour some drinks…” Bucky passed and I grabbed Tony’s frame, setting his arm over my shoulders.

           “You all get that out of your systems?” Sam asked aloud.

           “No.” A chorus followed.

           “That drink could have burned out your insides,” I dropped Tony into a cushioned chair and approached Natasha, hand out.  “Sorry.” We shook hands and Tony moaned next to me.

           “It still might.” He rolled over and Bucky set a water bottle in front of him, inching it closer. I apologized to Clint and he returned it, shaking my hand. Steve crossed his arms and sucked his cheeks in without words. We all were bleeding but everyone was too drained to care.

           “History,” I peered at Loki. “We’re all fighting again. It’s repeating itself, worse than before…just as you said.”

           “Explain.” Thor plopped down by me and pressed a cloth over his nose. Loki lingered behind us on the couch while the rest all took seats, bruised up.

           “I survived Kurse. I was going to run but, I wanted to say goodbye to her.” Loki piped up before I could. “We ran away together and lived in this world for as long as we could.”

           “You married him?” Clint made a face and I picked up the box of tissues, offering him one.

           “A lot happened in Asgard. Thor’s probably explained it a million times.” I added when he took one to nurse a cut on his lip. Thor drank a long swig of alcohol and offered the flask to Loki. He sighed with nothing to give and gulped before Thor beckoned for him to sit next to him. “Loki got into Oscorp and Shield as a means to keep watch and ensure we were protected, nothing else. He’s not interested in this world or any other and I gave him a chance because, well, that’s what I do for souls. You don’t have to trust him but turning him away at this point would be a fool’s errand. Trust me. Thanos seeks revenge on us both. And you all as well if you haven’t noticed. We’ll need him to go up against this titan just as we’ll need Thor.”

           “He isn’t one of us.” Clint glared and Loki shrugged.

           “Gladly.” He shot back. “I seek only to protect my wife, which means purging Thanos from these realms. If it means I have to stick close to old enemies, so be it.” Peter broke the tension when he appeared.

           “Food is coming…” He cocked his head at Loki. “I know you.”

           “Ava was Loki. The whole time.” Natasha explained, pressing her lips and Peter’s jaw opened while he slipped in a chair with Mary Jane.

           “You…and she…?” Peter furrowed his brow. “So that day outside.”

           “Yes, I know, boy. Get used to disenchantment.” Loki crossed his arms.

           “You gave me good advice and I… I got advice from a supervillain?” Peter touched his head.

           “ _Reformed_.” Loki bared his teeth.

           “Well, he wasn’t a great one to begin with,” Bruce offered as a means to help and Loki’s head snapped to him.

           “Enough, all of you,” Thor took my hand and clasped his other around Loki’s wrist. “I’ve had a long trip and a trying day. I have questions and want two large pizzas to myself.”

           “Yes, we were going to tell you,” I scoffed before Thor could ask.

           “Jane Foster is in London with Janet Van Dyne, I checked.” Loki answered, knowing his brother, and Thor huffed, trying to think of another question.

           “Show me the Hydra files after we eat and I’ll tell you what I think.” He shrugged. “Anthony needs to sober up first. He likely won’t be making that mistake again.”

           “It was good once you get past the intense burn.” Tony was drinking water very quickly.

           “Otto Octavius is out working with Harry Osborn on gods know what. Hydra may be aligned with Thanos. Colonel Stryker kidnapped my wife and experimented on her for reasons not fully known-”

           “He, what?” Thor peered at me and Loki continued, holding a cut on his hairline.

           “-and this group cannot get together without throwing punches. We have wonderful odds.”

           “Well, I did spring a few things on them.” I leaned forward to steal Thor’s flask, drinking. “I ran away to help lost mutants to Xavier’s school and I found Bucky.” I gestured to him and Thor looked up, causing Bucky to press his lips and wave idly. “Healing stones?” I asked and Thor shook his head.

           “I came here in a hurry, I forgot Mjolnir.” Thor put out his hand and Tony jolted up.

           “No, wait!” A Mjolnir sized hole cast in the wall as Loki ducked and the hammer came to Thor’s grip before he sunk down.

           “Apologies, Anthony.”

           “Look maybe, we should set a few ground rules if we’re living here.” Bruce cut in.

           “Living here?” I asked.

           “We need to be in one place. Hydra is after Barnes. Thanos is after you and…Loki.” Bruce explained, fixing his glasses. “I think Steve, Clint, and Natasha will feel better if they can watch Loki after what happened in New York. You’re all valuable if we want to take down Hydra either way. We can’t keep separating and fighting like this.”

           “He’s right.” Sam sat back.

           “Me too?” Peter asked.

           “You have school, but you have a right to be in this.” I offered. “For Harry. I think being here could benefit. I know I’ve held secrets, just like the rest of you. I think we all should stop today. No more. We’re a team, we should actually be training together. Thor was always good with leading that back in Asgard. We’re up against enemies from all backgrounds, we should know how each other moves.”

           “Pepper’s going to be mad about the roof,” Tony rubbed his eyes. “I have rooms. Bruce set up security and Psyche has that radar thing. Tower’s locked down and the best place for all this. Thor can judge the training room downstairs to his heart’s content.”

           “How about we separate for a few minutes before the food arrives? Catch up…fix bridges…clean the blood off your faces because you’re making Peter cringe.” I cocked my head and Peter laughed nervously.

           “I’m fine…Thor’s in the room. I’m in the same room as Thor.” He nodded, glancing at Mary Jane.

           “You’re telling me,” she joked and he went flat.

           “Glad to see you kids again. Not kids any longer.” Thor offered carefully, standing up. “She’s right, let’s clean up.” Everyone around me stood except Bucky, he stared at me and nodded in a way that was encouraging before he left to go after Steve. Tony and Sam joined them with Bruce, Clint, and Natasha going another way. Slowly, I stood and followed Thor and Loki down the stairs into a bathroom. They stared at each other so I huffed and pushed forward to wash my face. “The entire time… Why didn’t you come to me?”

           “I didn’t want to see you,” Loki sounded harsher than intended and Thor looked wounded so I got between them.

           “Clean your face,” I pushed Loki toward the sink, rubbing his back, and Thor cleared his throat but went to another.

           “…I didn’t want you to see me.” Loki was quiet.

           “I thought of you. Both of you.” Thor looked into the mirror.

           “How is Asgard?” I shrugged, arms holding myself tight.

           “Surprisingly dull most days.” Thor clasped his hands and stood taller. “You look radiant, even now.”

           “Thank you. Sweet and fashionable, as always, Thor.” I shifted my stance under his gaze.

           “What happened to you in that lab?”

           “They’re going to show you the Hydra files and avoid the subject but play you the tapes when I’m in my room for the night. You’ll see it for yourself… I showed up here out of the blue and made a mess of things. I didn’t want to hide and lie any longer about this, I just want them all to see. I need them to see and understand what we’re up against.”

           “We’ll pick up our things. Naaki as well, I suppose if we’re to stay here. Why fight the inevitable? I get to play prisoner again.” Loki pressed his back against the wall. Thor stared and tried to find words to make his brother feel better. As I watched them, I realized there was still one secret deep in my heart that was not mine to reveal between Thor and Loki. But, I knew it would haunt me another day.

           “Did anyone else know?”

           “Mother knew. Fandral discovered me as well before we parted.” Loki idly tucked some hair behind my ear before shifting beside me.

           “Mother knows all, does she not?” Thor exhaled, unable to touch Loki again while I watched him struggle. It would mean this was real. “I am happy for you both. The marriage.”

           “Want to contact Jane?” I shrugged.

           “Yes, I’ll call her. I don’t intend to pull her from work. I don’t wish to sink her into this either.” Thor couldn’t help asking. “Why didn’t you want me to see you, brother?”

           “Well, it does not matter now, does it?” Loki shrugged, tried to stay aloof when his eyes watered. He turned to go out first and Thor stared at me again, causing me to look away. I let him touch my chin and guide my gaze back to his. We shared a moment so I touched his hand to bring it away, I felt nothing but questions at his fingertips. Careful, I pressed a smile and Thor beamed light in response when I turned to follow after Loki. I laced my fingers into his with some fervor and he paused to look down, brow furrowing as I led him upstairs. My friends were opening and passing pizza boxes so Loki pulled from me to isolate himself at the bar and I left him alone to sit in a chair closer to the coffee table.

           “I was serious about those pizzas,” Thor cast Loki a glance and put on a brave face, seating himself next to Mjolnir. Natasha gave me a plate and I thanked her quietly. I watched them speak, updating Thor on Hydra with most of what they told me. My pizza was half untouched but I forced the piece down and caught Peter peering behind me before he sighed and stood to set a plate on the bar a few feet from Loki. Loki didn’t move and Peter nodded, inching away to join Mary Jane again. She kissed his cheek in a heartfelt motion. “They mentioned Thanos comes to you while you sleep.” Thor pulled me back into the conversation and I set my plate aside.

           “I keep from sleeping heavily to avoid it. It’s like I’m being pulled into his world. He comes to me when I’m wide awake, those are not as bad. Jarring. But, my mind is vulnerable to an extent when I’m asleep. I’m expanded. In Asgard, I caught glimpses of Loki’s dreams. All the way to his prison and I couldn’t control it, the soul did what it wanted and I had the full power of the stone at the time.”

           “What does he say?” Thor asked and I bit my lip when I got stares.

           “Usual evil titan stuff, I’m going to crush everything you love. Bitch, give me what I want. Do you know who I am? Generic stuff. I know what you want, I know the terrible things you did. I’m going to kill you and destroy the world. Etcetera.” We all jumped when a crash sounded as Loki, unable to deal with this, tossed a glass at the bar and shattered it. He breathed heavily, swiping the back of his hand over his nose before turning and I stood up.

           “Can the Asgardians stop arriving and breaking all my stuff?” Tony muttered and I waved my friends off before they could fight with Loki while he was like this.

           “I gave you time to heal, I did. But, I cannot watch you make light of this. From the start with that elf-”

           “Why are we still talking about Nerien?” I put my hands out. “When are you going to stop punishing me?”

           “How about you tell them what Thanos will do to us when he comes? What he’ll do to this world and the next? If we cannot block his influence over your mind, consider all your little friends slaughtered.”

           “You’re acting like I’m going to fall into his arms!”

           “ _When have you not?”_  Loki forced the words out and my heart dipped. He wasn’t just talking about Thanos. The cycle. My awful cycle.  _You’re wrong about me_ , I tried to say. But, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to bring pain into his heart for what he’d said. So I wiped my loose tears and I found some daggers.

           “And who started all of this in the first place?” I hissed and Loki’s anger faded. “Who stood on that balcony because what he had  _somehow_   _wasn’t_   _enough?_ ”

           “Is that truly how you feel, even now?” He quivered.

           “It is how you feel, Loki. I will not take the hand offered! To hell with the Norns! You wish to hold that over me? Fine!” I cocked my head and turned to see Thor stand abruptly. “We don’t need you standing between us any longer. I’m going to go cool off and retrieve our things then I’ll pick Thor up some of what he needs because he got pulled away from Asgard with little time to prepare. And I’m going to come back…and the two of us are going to put on a brave face and do every single thing in our power to stop Thanos.” Loki stood taller with hooded eyes, glancing away briefly. “Fine? Good.” I brushed past Loki and felt him catch my elbow, eyes begging to apologize but everyone was staring so he hid his shame and peered away. When I slipped through his fingers, I paused on the way to the elevator. “Stop gawking at us and show Thor everything. Now is as good a time as any for him to see my tapes as well before I get back.” I left without any words, taking the elevator down. Puffing, I got to my car and stopped when Mary Jane called out, rushing down the stone steps.

           “You forgot your coat… They said you left it a few floors down.” She offered it to me and I nodded, taking it. I realized that I was freezing cold with the snow still fresh. “You all right?”

           “I will be.” I shrugged. “Thank you. I’m sorry about your friend.”

           “We’ll get him back.” Mary Jane sighed, holding herself. “I’m not…a superhero or anything but everyone in that tower dealt with something traumatic and came out defending the world. Or  _avenging_.” She got me to chuckle, shaking my head at her joke.

           “I guess I’m frightened, I hung my head and hid for a long time.”

           “So don’t hide.” Mary Jane puffed simply, beaming and I touched her shoulder.

           “You don’t have to be  _super_  to be brave. That sounds like cheese, I know. But, I’ve known plenty of cowardly Asgardians…” I unlocked my car. “Thank you again. Get back inside, you’ll catch your death out here.” She scoffed at that, shaking her head before turning.

           “Drive safe.” Mary Jane waved without looking back and I got into my car. The drive was short back to my apartment, I packed up clothing and necessities. Naaki followed me around with one of Loki’s socks in her mouth while I packed her things as well and put a cat harness and leash on her, over the sweater she had on. Pausing to wash my face in the bathroom sink, I remembered Bucky’s bag and left the room to find it only to walk straight into Thanos’ realm. Flurries of ash floated by while I took a few steps and controlled my breathing, coming to the top of the ledge and gazing in horror below. Mutilated bodies by the dozens met my eyes and I stumbled down when I recognized them. My friends. Earth. Asgard. Supers. Mutants. Humans. Tony was staring up at me with lifeless eyes and a gaping, bloody pit in his chest. Steve’s shield was wedged diagonally across his body with Bucky just barely out of reach, face mangled.

           “It’s not real.” I tried. Clint and Natasha were bent at odd angles while I stepped over bodies. The Fantastic Four. Jane Foster. Logan. Xavier’s mutants. Peter. Mary Jane. Bruce was spread out with his throat torn open. Thor’s body was covered in a multitude of stab wounds, scrap metal and swords plunged still into his torso. I found Frigga and Odin and people of Vanaheim. Slaughtered numbers from every realm. I tried to scream as I fell and crawled over bodies and limbs, sinking in blood and organs. I got a few feet before I found Loki, half his body was spread with the blueness of his Jotun form and fading into the pale tone of his skin. His chest was unnaturally sunken and broken while I cradled his head to feel his skull cracked open. “Please!” I called out. “It isn’t real!” My words were ghosts, spirited away by this nothingness. Loki’s blood covered my fingers while I stood, racing toward Thanos standing from his floating throne. “I am not afraid of you!” I stood at the ledge. “You hear me?! You cannot touch me! You cannot fill my head with visions in daylight because it isn’t real!”

           Thanos’ smirk faded when I went on.

           “You believe death was  _ever_  on your side?!” I taunted and platforms materialized under his feet while he took steps toward me, standing massive in front of my body.

           “You believe I brought this about?” He rumbled with laughter. “I’m not the one reeling with blood upon my fingertips.” I glanced at my hands, clenched into fists. “It is not I who rolled over with guilt when the mind gem soared with power. You never paid for your crimes in Asgard.” He settled a large palm under my chin and a force lifted me. “Tell them and see if they stand behind you. Show them who you are and watch them fall from your side. To them, you’re a liability. You are unstable. Unfixable. Unusable. I’ll come and hear the words from you very soon. After you’ve given me what I covet... After, I have made you in my image.” I hovered and Thanos touched my temple, sending me flying back as I fell backwards onto the bathroom tile. Desperately, I crawled against the tub and held my legs to pull myself back together. To keep my soul in my body. I sat there and I told myself he was wrong. I told myself I would endure and carry my very being above him.

           I told myself.

           When I looked up at the ghostly child in grey, staring at me with deadpan eyes as she approached; I let her sit next to me without words and I grew numb. We stared out until I felt her looking at my face, the heart in her chest glowed gold underneath her skin with the mind stone’s power.

           “I’ve kept it safe for you.” She uttered, heart beating and I stared at this little, perfect vision. Haunting me for my long life. “Are you mad at me?”

           “It was always us…” I paused. “Wasn’t it?”

           “He’s upset you won’t share.” She vibrated. "Not like you did with me. It likes me. The light."

           "I knew it would." I watched her eyes, no longer lifeless. Haunted and glowing.

           "He will try to take it all back. Or perhaps, he will feed us more. He likes to watch."

           “I’m going to end his life, you know that?” I shook my head. “I’m going to make him watch death favor me and I’m going to send him into her greedy arms. Kicking and screaming. Just like the others… I’m not upset with us. Leave me.” When I looked over, she was gone and I was alone. I sat there for as long as I dared before I picked myself up and mutely finished packing. Naaki hopped down next to my feet when I took her leash and picked her up. “Time to go back out into this world.” Steps carried while I moved forward with the blind hope that Thanos’ prodding would not flood my mind. For a flicker of a moment, I felt my guardians walking in a perfect line behind me down the hallways but when I turned around, it had ended. My lips upturned and blind hope became love and fury.

           For I was still here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry Osborn has a storm coming and a big arc later on. Friendly reminder that the Avengers are a total mess. Next one keeps similar themes going. Thank you to all readers, I'm so appreciative. Feel free to hit the kudo button or comment on the journey thus far or message me at just-sid.tumblr.com !!!! :)


	33. Life Could Be a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split prompt about team-building! Avengers and X-Men start to come together and realize what they're up against. Team tries to prepare for possible outcomes without all the variables. Thanos begins to push.

           “I come bearing gifts.” My sigh carried when I entered the lab to see Bruce hurry to click out of a video. Thor stood and looked unsure before crossing to embrace me when I stopped him, using magic to hover the bag of necessities I gathered between us. Thor dropped his arms and no one commented, grouping in chairs around the screens with Loki alone a few feet behind in his own seat, arms crossed. “It’s fine.” I adjusted Naaki in my other arm, holding her up with my palm supporting her torso. Thor took the offered sack and I looked elsewhere. “Bucky, I have your things as well.” I gestured with my hands and he caught his bag when it floated over. The rest of my things landed on a desk behind Loki while I passed Thor to see the screens.

           “What is  _that?”_ Tony eyed Naaki and I brought her up, smiling.

           “This is Naaki. Asgardian cat and gift from my Name Day. She’s well behaved and quite the warrior herself.”

           “And where is it staying?” Tony cocked his head and I grinned at him, winking. “No.”

           “I couldn’t leave her in our apartment.” I rubbed the side of Naaki’s head and she was purring with the force of a car engine.

           “Avengers Tower is not cat friendly.” Tony leaned back in his chair. “It’s got a sweater on.”

           “She gets cold. No fur.” I cocked my head and took a seat by Natasha. “Loki made it for her.” I heard him sigh audibly behind me when he got a few glances.

           “Didn’t know retired villains became cat sweater enthusiasts,” Steve commented before his chair overturned, tossing him out of it. Loki smirked, leaning over on his elbow. “I swear to-!”

           “Let it go,” Thor touched Steve’s chest and fixed his chair up right. Steve cast Loki a look of disbelief and plopped back down. Naaki struggled to get out of my hands to go see Mary Jane, crawling over Peter to get to her.

           “Hey, you,” M.J. chuckled, picking the cat up. “I missed you.”

           “M.J. watched over Naaki when I went to see Steve in D.C. The cat stays, she’s no trouble… No real trouble.” I leaned on a desk while Bruce shifted files around. “What have you got?”

           “Director Fury.” Bruce paused. “Well, former Director Fury since he promoted Maria Hill…”

           “Is that right?” I smiled. “Good for her.”

           “Just confirmed it,” Steve nodded, beaming. Bucky and Sam were silent on either side of him. Tony stood behind me while Thor made it a point to sit on the desk next to Loki’s chair, causing him to appear annoyed in response.

           “We gave Fury and Hill the map you and Bucky put together. They’re going to run some recon and get back to us.” Bruce finished.

           “I recognized a few of those abandoned locations. Visited them in Russia when I was there. Nothing but dust and rubble but, it’s a promising start.”  Natasha paused. “You can stop pretending you don’t remember me.”

           “I wasn’t,” Bucky swallowed, glancing up.

           “What’s that mean?” Sam furrowed his brow.

           “He trained me when I was in with them. Long, long time ago.” Natasha replied without pause. “You remember now?”

           “Yes.”

           “You never-”

           “My past is complicated and jumbled, not even I can piece it all together.” Natasha cut over Steve, looked at me, and smirked. “Thanks but no thanks.”

           “I’m always here if you decide otherwise.” I shrugged and watched Naaki roll on her back under Bruce’s chair to play with the end of his lab coat. “Away.” I pointed and she left him alone when he chuckled silently. Naaki hopped into Loki’s lap for affection and curled up while Thor smiled, looking away.

           “What do we tell Fury about  _him?”_ Steve gestured toward Loki and we paused.

           “Ask him who helped him fake his death, I never received a proper thank you.” Loki curled his lips upward and Natasha spun around to look at him before peering at me.

           “Nick swore me to secrecy. You know him better than I.” I explained and she huffed a little. “And just to be clear, I cannot see every little thing inside a person. Hell, I couldn’t even tell Loki was faking his own death.”

           “My runes improved, it is hardly on you.” Loki noted and I straightened my spine, continuing.

           “Anyone else feel like sharing? I’m certain you’re all hiding things. Clint, do you have a secret wife and children we don’t know about?” I gestured and he laughed at that, shaking his head.

           “Last I checked,  _ah_ , no.” A rustling sound interrupted us.

           “Hey! Get away from there, _mole rat_ ,” Tony shot up just as Naaki pawed and pulled a tarp down, revealing about twelve suits that seemed mostly finished.  

           “Naaki,” I stood and picked her up while Tony fixed the tarp and shot me a look. “Building a private army?”

           “Something like that.” He replied while I crossed to give my cat to Thor. “We’ll break the news about Loki after this.”

           “I don’t think we should,” Steve protested.

           “Use him, lose him. Shield will put him in a cell and our alien invaders won’t be too keen to help if we make a mess.” Tony shrugged. “Right?” Thor didn’t respond, holding Naaki in his arms.

           “Our enemies wish Loki dead, he’s under my protection and Thor’s now.” I turned and Peter got up to pull the tarp away again once Tony had fixed it.

           “Parker, I gave you access to this lab, I can take it away.” Tony tugged and Peter didn’t budge.

           “They’re actual suits. Detachable parts.” He was walking around them. “But they can move on their own…the joints here and here are different from the one I see you wearing.”

           “They come when called.” Tony kicked the tarp aside in a huff when Peter let it drop.

           “You built a device into your main suit to control them. Why do you need this many?” Peter unlatched an arm and Tony pulled it away, pointing to a chair so Peter would leave it be.

           “Do you see me touching your stuff, Parker?”

           “You mess with my web shooters all the time,” Peter retorted and Tony dropped the arm on the table, shrugging.

           “They’re not finished.”

           “Are you going to rely on an artificial intelligence to control them because Jarvis won’t cut it or are you control them via your suit?” Peter wondered aloud.

           “Don’t insult Jarvis, he’s everywhere and he’ll lock you in the bathroom next time you use it. You want that, kid?”

           “Sorry, Jarvis,” Peter crossed his arms. “They’re different from Oscorp tech, I just wondered.”

           “They’re  _better_.” Tony tilted his head and crossed back. “Imagine them around the tower, protecting it and civilians. We need back up on a mission, we get it instantly. They have various functions and I’m still working out some kinks to interchange them.”

           “You doing it piece by piece or all at once?” Peter inquired.

           “Bigger suits are all at once, smaller piece by piece.” Tony was fiddling with a stress ball. “No cats in sweaters in the lab after this.”

           “She’s just inquisitive.” I scratched Naaki’s head while she enjoyed Thor’s arms.

           “Not the word I’d use.” Tony lifted his lip.

           “Try living with it constantly,” Loki commented.

           “Don’t agree with me just cause I’m not turning you over to Shield, _Twilight,_ ” Tony replied and Loki’s nostrils flared, “you know, we have a good room set up for this one.”

           “Tony,” Bruce shook his head. “Not now.”

           “Please, go on, tell me about my cell before your insides decay any faster.” Loki stood up and Thor set his free hand on Loki’s elbow.

           “He’s suggesting the room I designed for the Hulk,” Bruce pointed to a sealed metal door. “Quiet room. A place I go if the other guy breaks out in here. The walls are nine inches of solid steel which might not hold him but if I can get in there, knock-out gas will put me to sleep. Hopefully. Never know. Door won’t open unless my heart rate is normal.”

           “Loki will stay with me and he’s no longer on trial.” I put an end to this.

           “He never got one.” Clint noted.

           “In Asgard, he did which is more than I can say for others.” I caught myself and shook my head. “I acted as his warden that entire year. We’re not discussing this any longer. I go if he goes. Be angry and focus on the goal. I don’t expect any lasting friendships but I’m really not in the mood to break up any fights.”

           “I will go as well,” Thor didn’t hesitate. “I’ve voiced the events of that year to you all many times. I cannot go back. Asgard suffered too much for too long.”

           “You never gave your side,” Natasha was looking at me when I slid into another seat between Loki and my friends.

           “It was a busy year for me.” I clasped my hands and changed the subject. “Do we have a location on Stryker?”

           “We think he’s in DC. He’s untouchable according to our people there.” Sam replied and Thor couldn’t stop himself.

           “How can he get away with what he’s done to you and other innocent lives?”

           “He’s a powerful figure in this world, Thor. Surely you remember the Elders. Corrupt nobles.” I tried not to scoff. “It isn’t as if I can even sue him. Illegal super powered god from another world sues popular Colonel. Think of the media. Lack of evidence despite his voice on those countless tapes. Oh, but, the girl has a childlike dependency and lives in a fantasy. Tragic. They’ll argue I was confused and mentally unstable and property because I’m cargo, not allowed to be here. It’d be a circus. And our way in Asgard of handling such things will only make things worse.” I sat back, utterly bitter, and Loki peered at me.

           “You mean, your way. Scorched earth.”

           “Yes, Loki. My way. Not like I wasn't saving our asses by taking orders from the King and his advisers to end the wars." Thor winced noticeably at my words. "They had so many plans for you in that cell. Ask  _your_  father if he’d do different. He certainly wasn’t waving his hands about to have me arrested. His majesty's wonderous first step.” I stared back without fear and Thor came between us. When they all waited for me to spill, I huffed and crossed my arms. “Look, I’m not going to be the only one pouring my secrets out. We’re a team, be a team. Someone else go first.”

           “Harry’s going to come after me eventually. When he’s stronger.” Peter leaned over his knees, admitting the truth. “Peter. Not Spider-Man. He doesn’t know who I am. But, I take Spider-Man’s pictures. Since he got ill, he’s been convinced I know Spider-Man’s identity and I could have gotten Spider-Man to cure him. So…I went to him in costume and tried to help. I told him there was no way because I knew my blood would have destroyed him like it destroyed everyone else. I didn't want him to obsess and hurt himself worse.”

           “Your blood. How?” Bruce turned his chair around.

           “My dad worked with Norman Osborn…Spider-Man was born in the lab they set aside when their experiments failed. The reason it meshed with me was because my father used his own DNA in his research so no one else could abuse it. I should have told Harry the truth. He was dying. I couldn’t risk losing him or Aunt May…or you…” He faced Mary Jane. “My secret identity is the only thing keeping this together. Harry isn’t himself anymore.”

           “Does he know Norman was the first Green Goblin?” Sam asked after a beat and Peter shrugged.

           “I’m not sure… I’m not sure if it matters now to Harry. He wants revenge.”

           “He won’t achieve it. He’s reckless. Withholding.” Loki was looking at the wall and Peter sat straighter. “Octavius will be the real problem if he’s trying to replicate his experiments off site. You should draw a wedge between them. The boy will crack. Otto would be stupid to try his experiments, either way, if you sweep cities for any spikes in radiation.” Loki watched Bruce spin around and being typing. “Oh, did none of you think of that?”

           “One more crack out of you-” Steve was cut off.

           “You worked with Doctor Octavius and Oscorp and you know how these villains work. Can you locate help Harry?” Peter stood and Loki spared him a glance.

           “It isn’t as if I can sniff the boy out, my wife has the soul radar.” Loki set his hand out toward me.

           “I don’t have the luxury of far range.” I added.

           “I asked you.” Peter went on and Loki was gazing at him with a question dawning on his face.

           “Oscorp put tracking devices on the second suit and glider after what happened to the first but the boy likely broke them off before he even escaped the building.” Loki thought for a moment. “Your friend is dying and that suit sustains his life which means he’s bolted into it. That glider uses an attachment specifically to keep the person in the suit on the platform. Both had a control panel… If the machines weren’t completely destroyed in his theft-”

           “We might be able to lure Harry to us.” Peter grew encouraged. Loki smirked and caught my face before it faded away as he tried to hide it. I offered him a nod and crossed my legs in my chair.

           “Not like we can break in and steal massive control panels,” Bruce turned from his screen and brought up a blueprint of Oscorp.

           “We get in, reroute the glider and send him to a secure location. Pick him up. You think the eight limbed wonder is going to show as well?” Tony leaned over to press his hand to the screen, shifting the building around to see the inside. “Shield won’t go for this with everything else we have going.”

           “Won’t hurt to have the plan ready down the line.” Steve offered. “At the very least.”

           “Clint, we have a building to scope,” Natasha stood up and he followed. “Barnes, let’s go. You’re still a spy. I hope.” Bucky hesitated, peering at Steve before he followed the two out.

           “If we get Harry, let me talk him down first.” Peter tried.

           “Peter, it could be months before we even go for this. We’re spread thin and Oscorp’s new heads will be an issue.”

           “Peter, you saw him.” Tony instead waved me over. “Footage of that night.” I leaned over Bruce’s opposite side, sighing. I watched as Harry pointed a gun with the trembling hand I recalled when we first met. A man in a suit injected him with a large syringe and Harry smiled before unleashing a scream, crumbling. The man escaped and Harry fell to his knees, crawling toward the suit to get into it. Alarms flashed and Harry’s body was transforming before Mary Jane spoke up over the grainy footage.

           “Enough of that.” She waved, touching Peter’s back when he grew rigid with guilt. Immediately, I turned it off for them. Mary Jane offered me a grateful look and Sam stood to change the subject.

           “We should go,” he peered at Steve, “meet with Maria once more before she flies out.”

           “We’ll be back with an update,” Steve got up to go, shooting daggers at Loki before he left with Sam.

           “Don’t act on anything tonight, go home and lay low.” Tony pointed when Peter gathered his things. “Tomorrow after school.”

           “I’ll be here.” Peter clasped hands with Mary Jane and they started to go but, he paused to see Loki. “Thank you.”

           “You won’t be thankful when you see your friend again,” Loki didn’t play pretend but Peter didn’t falter.

           “Still.” He left and Thor gave Loki’s shoulder a squeeze.

           “Peter needs to know what he’s in for being here. It's been rough on him. He misses his other friends too, they're all hidden with Danvers.” Bruce sighed and Tony spoke.

           “Better we got him working with us than alone.”

           “He’s frightened but he very much wants to be here.” I added.

           “We can’t let them get hurt on our watch.” Bruce turned his head and I agreed.

           “Still want that tour?” Tony stood taller and I nodded. “Continue without me, doc, while I show the Asgardians around. Specifically, the exact placement of doors.” Thor picked up our bags and I took Naaki from him. Loki was completely silent next to me as I bid goodnight to Bruce and followed the group out. “Training room first.” He brought us up a few floors into a massive room, bigger than the lab.

           “You’ve taken my advice on the changes in here,” Thor stepped out, looking around. Mortal tools and workout machines surrounded the walls which were mostly mirrors. At the center was a sparring area and there was a covered room attached that seemed unfinished.

           “Simulator,” Tony pointed. “Work in progress. Come on.” We got back in and Tony held his hand out toward the buttons. “Most rooms are labeled, kitchen and whatnot. Jarvis is always listening.”

           “Lovely.” Loki uttered.

           “He won’t interrupt your kink fest if that bothers you so much, Prancer.” Tony flashed a smirk and Loki’s eye twitched. “You both know your rooms. We’ll meet tomorrow, say breakfast?” Thor nodded, staring directly at Loki so I spoke.

           “Of course,” I offered, pressing the button for my room. “I think the three of us should talk alone.”

           “I get it, no mortals allowed,” he held the elevator to let us out and cocked his head when Thor and Loki passed. I followed him to a table where a wrapped gift sat.

           “What is it?” I waited until he picked it up to offer it, pressing his lips while I let Naaki down.

           “Open it since your x-ray vision is failing.” He waited until I tore the paper away. It was a framed photo of everyone that was taken before I was kidnapped. Clearly it was a thoughtful gift but Tony was nonchalant.

           “Welcome back, Psyche. Keep them in line. We can’t hide Loki forever. Take care of your own mind before you try to ease theirs.” He gestured to Thor and Loki near the sliding glass door behind me and I sniffled, nodding.

           “Thank you, Tony,” I breathed and he waved it off. “You know…I am sorry. For earlier.”

           “Wasn’t your fault,” Tony stuffed his hands into his pockets, shifting his eyes. “Wasn’t his either.” He gave a forceful exhale and I stepped aside to let him go. We locked eyes and I smiled lightly before the doors shut. The air was thick while Thor and Loki stepped around each other, circling like vultures.

           “Thor…” I trailed off with nothing to say.

           “Was any of it real?” Thor uttered after a moment of razor sharp silence. They stood tall and perfectly poised, facing each other. Loki didn’t speak. I didn’t think he could so Thor lifted his hand and Loki winced before it carefully came to cradle the base of his skull.

            _“No,”_ Loki choked on his lie, unable to look at Thor before the hand gripping him curled suddenly around locks of black hair.

           “Twice, I lost you.” Thor bared his teeth, unable to feel the weight of his emotions. “Twice I mourned an illusion. Do not lie to me. You were my brother, not my shadow.”

           “Did any being in Asgard see it that way?” Loki hissed when Thor yanked into his hair, bringing his gaze back.

           “You believed I cared about what the rest of Asgard thought?” Thor was shaking, gripping Loki’s shoulders now as he heaved in a way that was violent before releasing his thought. “ _I loved you… I loved you more than any of them._ ” Loki’s face grew tight and he stared anywhere but at Thor’s eyes.

           “Show him, Loki. Let everything go and show him what he needs to see again.” I hugged the framed photo and set it carefully on the table before I took a few steps closer. Loki tensed his jaw, closed his eyes, and allowed his fingertips to turn blue. Thor didn’t let go when it spread and Loki opened red eyes to stare into Thor’s watery blue ones. Tears fell down his cheeks before he grasped Loki’s shoulders more firmly and leaned over to press his face into Loki's chest. Thor wept openly and Loki just stood there when the words were uttered.

           “I am sorry.” Thor muffled. “I am sorry I allowed you to live thinking I hated you. Thinking I was disgusted by your birthright. You betrayed my love for you and I couldn’t allow you to touch my heart again but, I…I want us to try again. It’s too painful.” Loki, unable to touch his emotions still, pulled away and gasped for air after a stumbled step while he hunched to gather himself. He covered his lips and turned back around to see Thor.

           “ _Imbecile_ ,” Loki shuddered, leaning over while he sputtered words. “Thinking murmured apologies should even touch your lips after what I…” He suppressed a sob. “After the ruin I’ve brought you both.”

           “I just…” Thor pulled in more air and offered some more impossible words. “I loved you so…I took your very presence for granted.”

           “I’ve always  _hated_  you,” Loki tossed his arms around his brother’s shoulders and held him close because he was real and he loved him so much. I felt myself shake with tears as Thor returned the embrace and opened one arm to allow me in. I held my boys tightly, crying with relief. “Forgive me, sweetheart, for what I said to you.”

           “I’m sorry as well,” I sniffled and wiped my face when we parted. Thor swiped his hand over his cheek and looked at us, all red eyed and puffy. We laughed finally, and Loki’s Jotun form faded away. Thor set a hand on my shoulder and managed a full smile.

           “Thank you for taking care of him.”

           “He took care of me in return.” I paused. “We have a chance.”

           “We’ll take it.” Thor touched my face and felt guilty even now while he wiped a tear aside.

           “How is everyone really?” I tugged Thor to sit down on a couch and waved Loki with me until he nestled into my opposite side.

           “They…likely all know why I am here.” Thor paused and settled his arm behind me while Loki curled his hand into mine. “Father has been in good health. Mother’s role in guiding has expanded. Hogun moved his family into Asgard before his wife gave birth to another girl.” Thor got me to smile wide. “Volstagg and Gudrun have never been better. Sif was promoted higher in our ranks and Fandral remains loyal and supportive. All of them regularly give our father just council and learn so that they may continue. Alistair has become head of our palace guard and stands as a respected adviser with them.”

           “They’re happy?” I nodded and Thor beamed.

           “Yes, they are.”

           “And Moira?”

           “Moira still trains under Elisif, standing as her second. She and Faleen have been wed and young Elise still works day and night in the art of prosthetics with the hope to expand her practice. They’re all doing well by Asgard and themselves. But, I know they miss you. We speak often of seeing you once more back home. It isn’t the same without either of you there, you know this?” Thor touched Loki’s arm when he shifted it on the back of the sofa, bringing his legs up.

           “I cannot return after what I left in my wake.” He admitted.

           “You saved Asgard as much as we did that day. All of us had a part, brother. Let them give you a chance.” Thor tried but Loki shook his head, lowering his eyes. I smoothed both my hands over Loki’s and massaged his palm.

           “When were you here last?” I asked and Thor exhaled.

           “Had to be over a year. I have not seen Jane in person in a long while.” He paused. “Time is always difficult between our worlds.”

           “Are you together still?”

           “Yes, we do our separate things. She has been busy and so have I. Father still wishes for me to ascend to the throne but I must do my part for the realms first. Mother has been supportive though, I know she worries for him.”

           “My brother, no longer coveting the ties of the throne,” Loki mused. “I never thought I’d live to see such a day.”

           “It was so long ago…” Thor furrowed his brow. “There was a time when I swore an oath that I would never take the crown if my brother could not stand to my right. I have cursed Asgard with my own heart. I may go back briefly for an hour to give Father an update in person this week. He must know what we are up against and I won’t burden Heimdall further.”

           “The Tesseract could be in danger.” I agreed. “The Aether as well.”

           “Thanos might see fit to skip his collection and come straight for this Earth if his rage has been so inspired.” Thor peered at Loki. “Do you have contacts across this universe, Loki?”

           “So quick to assume I have dark dealings,” Loki scoffed before he lowered his tone. “ _Yes_.” He considered it and shook his head. “None that would like to speak to me at the moment or agree to assist at all…I’ve upset quite a lot of beings and been unable to do well by my end of many deals…I did fail and I was in prison. Bit hard to settle debts from a cell.” Loki chuckled and shook his head. “I’d lose my head if I set foot near any.”

           “Let’s avoid that then,” I nodded and Thor followed. “Would Asgard spare warriors if we needed them?”

           “This world may not being willing to have more of us here with the way things are.” Thor shrugged. “I suppose we can have a few travel over in the event but, even if we are in the right, this government could lash back if we caused a greater disaster. Not everyone in this world believes we are on their side even if we prove it.”

           “Look at you, Thor. So diplomatic. Even Mjolnir has left your hand for longer than fifteen minutes.” Loki pulled from my hands and shifted some hair behind my shoulder in an idle motion.

           “I am still upset. You dared to marry without me.”

           “Few times,” I added and Thor crossed his arms, sitting back to look away.

           “Don’t pout, brother, you know it doesn’t work.” Loki sucked in his cheeks. “We’ll remarry in your honor.”

           “In Asgard.”

           “Thor-”

           “Whenever we return, it’ll be as one family.” Thor watched Loki’s face. “We seek to protect the realms but we belong in Asgard. This world…it is temporary. We are not. Asgard is not.” I watched a great, sobered wave of heartache befall Thor’s expression. “We are the river, forever rushing beyond the test of time and they are the rocks washed away in our wake.”

           “When did you become so poetic?” Loki tried to scoff and I stared at my hands. The mortals would die and I would watch their new generations rise while I stay the same.

           “It is no matter now with our task at hand.” Thor changed the subject. “Have…you both considered the future of your family?”

           “We’re enjoying what we have now.” I clasped my hands together.

           “There’s also no telling what could come from evolved Asgardian and deformed Jotun.” Loki commented quietly and Thor’s gaze snapped back to him. “By their standard, it is true, is it not? What if the child freezes her from the inside out? Claws its way into the world? It is a risk.”

           “We shouldn’t…” I gathered myself and cut them both off. “We shouldn’t be frantic over the future. We’re needed right now. All of us. We’re together again.” I clasped my hand into Loki’s and touched Thor’s face. “We can’t make up for everything that happened but think of what the three of us can do now. Look at this amazing chance we’ve been given. I love you both, we grew together. Nothing will take that away now.” Loki grew quiet and Thor nodded.

           “You’ve changed so much,” Thor noted when I dropped my hand. “Forgive me, I cannot stop staring at you both.” He settled his arms on his knees and leaned forward, fingers lacing. “I never thought we would end up here.”

           “I should…” I stood up. “I should give you both some time to speak.”

           “No, it is fine. Loki and I made some peace when you were gathering your things.” Thor nodded as if to reassure himself. “There is much still to go over but we have some time now.”

           “I think I’m going to shower. Clear my own head.” Loki got up. “This has been a lot for me.” I made it a point to kiss him when he passed and he touched my hair. “You both should speak instead.” Loki turned and Naaki got up from the bed to rush after him into the bathroom. He shut himself away and I sighed.

           “I didn’t give him much time to adjust. None of them.” I turned to see Thor staring up at me. “The moment Thanos became…so real to me, I just acted. I pushed all of them.”

           “Please, sit.” Thor was looking at the floor again when I did, crossing my legs on the couch. “Loki was able to tell me much of what you have encountered. He told me about…well, they showed me what you…”

           “Thor, we don’t have to speak about this. I’ve been cutting it off rather well.” I curled my fingers into the fabric of my clothing. “A lot changed since we were fake engaged.” I watched him finally turn to see my face, leaning back.

           “Much has stayed the same.” Thor touched my neck and brought me forward to kiss my head. “I’m going to protect you both, you know that? I’ll keep you and Loki safe.” His thumb was smoothing over my skin and I tried to find my voice when hot tears filled my eyes.

           “Thank you, Thor.” I shook my head. “Can you find it in your heart to trust him once more? I know you are trying.” When he lowered his hand from me skin, I nodded with a sigh.

           “I believe it is with my power.” Thor paused. “And my heart.”

** ** **

           “Yes?” Loki hesitated after I knocked on the bathroom door.

           “Can I come in?” I paused. “He’s gone.” Steam rolled out when Loki opened the door, ruffling a towel into his hair. I tied mine up away from my face and started undressing when Loki resumed his place at the mirror. Naaki swept across my legs and bounded out to get on the couch to sleep.

           “Is he going back to Asgard tonight to speak with Odin?”

           “Yes, he’ll return by morning.” I turned on the water. “I’m just washing my body from that fight earlier. Won’t be long.” I moved the curtain between us. “Would you like to talk about it?”

           “I do not think I have many more words. Your friends are going to keep their insufferable eyes on me until this is over.”

           “Look, I know we apologized but what I said earlier was nasty.” I shifted the curtain away to see him applying lotion to his neck. “I’m not trying to keep some toxic scorecard on our relationship.”

           “I also would never imply that you were weak to these beings. It was never your fault…the things they did and my words were vile.” We stared at each other before I lowered my gaze and finished washing my body and face. Loki was silent at the mirror until I turned the water off and blindly felt around.

           “Towel, please?”

           "Here." He pressed one against my hand and I thanked him silently, patting my face and drying my body before I let my hair fall down my back and got out. Loki was facing the mirror while I finished up and paused, hooking one finger into his towel to tug it away idly before I was turning to go into the room nude. I heard him smother a laugh before he followed, flicking lights off to join me in the bed.

           Loki wrapped his arms around me while I tucked myself into his chest and turned on the television to a movie. Fingertips danced along my spine and up my neck, massaging circles and I moaned. He propped himself up slightly on pillows and felt relaxed while I pressed my body against his. While he was distracted, I searched his emotions for those flickers of betrayal he displayed earlier and found them, swirling ashes in an endless, glittering pool. My chest rose and fell when I pulled back and kissed his collar before his fingertips trailed down the back of my skull, ready to open it and free my thoughts but the pads of skin resumed skimming my back and shoulders. I let him play and relax against me, all the while I held tight and prayed Thanos would let me have just one night to myself when sleep claimed my body.

           He didn't.

            _Oh, life could be a dream._

           I fought Black Order members. Recalled their faces. Thanos watched from a high platform.

           While I toiled.

            _Sweetheart._

           While the mighty titan smiled. So pleased. Like he knew so many things I didn't.

           So many things I missed.

            _I must be strong enough. To save them all._

           Growling, I rolled against the rocks and kicked myself up, feeling the change.

           Orange light blinded, emitting from my eyes. My fingertips. My beating heart. And then there was nothing.

           It was barely three hours later when I woke and forced myself to sit up. The clock read half past five in the morning so I stretched and got up with tired feet dragging into the bathroom. A cold shower brought some life back into my bones and I took time to wash out my hair until it was silken with curls. I dug through a bag for a simple loose sweater and leggings, yawning before I kissed Loki’s head to ensure his mind was safe. He turned and nuzzled back into the pillow when I set Naaki down next to him; she curled up near his chest and I covered my lips. The tower was dim and silent so I took the elevator down and Jarvis spoke above me.

           “Good morning, shall I prep the kitchen for breakfast?”

           “I’ll make the coffee.” I responded, smiling when the doors opened and the lights clicked on. “Thank you, Jarvis.” I smelt food beyond an oven in the wall as I readied a large pot and poured myself a cup once it finished. Inhaling, I let myself grow beyond the room in full and felt everyone on their floors except for Tony in the lab and Natasha coming down the elevator. I poured a second cup when it opened and Natasha rubbed her arms, still wearing her pajamas with a loose sweatshirt pulled over the top.

           “Never took you for a morning person.” She was sporting messy, orange hair pulled from her face and a fatigued expression.

           “Ah, I'm not one.” I spun around in my stool and slid the cup over. “Not by choice at least. You look cute, Tasha.”

           “ _Thanks_.” She came to take the mug and set it by a stool across the counter before going to the massive fridge.

           “I’m not sure how you take it.” I leaned over the marble surface and stared at the sky lighting just a bit outside while snow fell again.

           “Without secrets.” She joked and I scoffed.

           “Coming from you-”

           “I gave them up, remember? You were there.” She smirked and poked her head out, shifting to pour creamer into her coffee while I spooned an extra bit of sugar into mine. I took the creamer and added some before I let it float back into the fridge behind me, causing her to pause mid-sip.

           “You still have plenty.  _Bucky_.”

           “I didn’t confirm it until much later and he didn’t seem to remember me. Wasn’t any use. We were strangers in passing.”

           “Strangers. Of course.” I drank and sighed.

           “Meanwhile, you let me offer gum to Loki.”

           “Ava was quite shaken that entire day, if it helps.”

           “It does.” Natasha settled her hands around the mug to warm them. “Is Ava a cover?”

           “That form has become an important part of Loki’s identity. Not just a trick. Even in Asgard, Ava existed. In this world, they are free to be the gender they feel most that morning. Loki. Ava. They enjoy the fluidity of both. Loki is a talented illusionist, which helps. I call and refer to them by what they wish that morning. It’s Loki’s body. I just get to kiss it on occasion.”

           “Thought Asgard was a free civilization.”

           “There are some set in ancient ways, they’re usually ignored but they still inspire hatred and anger. But, they are heavily opposed now more than ever. It gives me hope to see my people able to be free and love who they desire. To see them fight and to see that fight pay off. Loki picked up skills and interests that some condemn as womanly and abnormal. He’s the second Prince and still expected to marry and provide heirs. But, Loki always had a way of proving himself to those who looked down on him. Usually with the very skills he was mocked for. My generation knows better. We shouldn’t have to hide something so instrumental in our creation, this diversity that makes us special and brings us together all at once. Men call me exotic, I break their skulls. They think me abnormal for my exploration of sexuality and yet I have courted many men and women because I enjoy them both. It’s just how I am wired. The problem isn’t just the hatred in the world. The narrow-mindedness. The problem also lies in the reaction to it. Silence and sitting on a fence are just as violent. Is it condemned or treated as the norm? Is it fought or are mortals told to just get over it? My world has grown beyond wrinkled, pale men setting the standard. They’re laughed at. Ignored. Fought. Does that make sense? I do enjoy my tangents.”

           “It does,” Natasha brought her mug up to clink glasses with me and I smiled, drinking.

           “Do you look down on me for my heart’s desire?” I set my coffee down. “After what happened that day we all met. Clint does and perhaps he’s allowed to at the moment. He was harmed badly in that crossfire and I regret it.”

           “Few months ago, I might have. But, now, I can trust you. You entered the world again knowing what it would cost. Knowing Hydra has been targeting you.”

           “And so did you. There isn’t a hole for any of us to hide in.”

           “There’s one.” She shrugged. “But, I’m not interesting in being buried yet. You?”

           “Not in the slightest.” I said.

           “We cased the Oscorp building. Security is tight. Shouldn’t be a big problem. The machine is ruined, it’ll be an issue. Still not sure how we’d even getting it out or make time to repair. It’s large and damaged. Either we blast the building open and steal it or fix it from within and get out. Aftershocks of that could get us into more trouble. What we did find was Harry Osborn’s file. Kid shouldn’t be living after injecting himself. Looked like it spread the illness in his body and yet, those toxins made him near superhuman. That suit might sustain him but it’s not a miracle. Could be months though, he seems persistent. He’ll need an expert if he wants a chance to get better and even that’s slim.”

           “Yes, I would imagine so.” I grew solemn and drank, standing to start another pot for the rest when I felt a few souls begin to stir.

           “You shouldn’t have gotten attached.”

           “You’re right but, I’m sure you understand that these attachments we grow cannot be controlled. Right, Tasha?” I turned to face her when her mug clicked down.

           “You know about _that_ too?” Her chest fell slightly and I lifted my lips before rejoining her.

           “You’re good for each other. I know only what the soul desires most. What it fears the most and hopes for.” I pointed to her heart and dropped my hand to enjoy my coffee. “I know how the pieces of these forces inside us fit together and fall apart. What I do not know is how some beings are able to reject them for so long before they crumble. Even with myself. Especially with myself. I cannot see my own soul as clear as day most of the time. It talks back in riddles of grey. I cannot warp it so easily like I twist others. I get to press the buttons while mine gather cobwebs, sheets chained over them so I may not even see the potential. No matter. What’s life without a little mystery? Right? A little chaos and illusion.” I was pressing buttons into the counter to light it with Tony’s files, unlocking them. “Also, you have a love mark on your collar and that is clearly Clint’s goofy sweatshirt so I was partly guessing.” She touched it and looked entertained.

           “When did you become a hacker?” She chuckled.

           “ _Asgardian_. I’m not being too invasive, I just wish to know what I missed in my absence. Loki is better than I.” I flicked through them. “Steve mentioned a Gwen Stacy. Young girl. Bright. Gone before her time because of an accident. Peter Parker blames himself because Norman Osborn murdered her as the Green Goblin, why?”

           “He was trying to catch her. Web caught her. He pulled her up. She was already dead.” Natasha exhaled. “We don’t know if she died while she was falling. If Norman murdered her before he dropped her…or if Peter’s lack of training accidently snapped her neck.”

           “I’m not sure any amount of training can really prepare us for what we’ve seen. What we will do. He mentioned that he wished to help other children.”

           “We’ve helped relocate some families. Not safe for the child super-humans so we moved his friends awhile after Gwen was killed. Professor Xavier helped those who held the mutant gene and Sue Storm and Janet Van Dyne moved others. New York is a breeding ground for us all for some reason. The heart of it when your husband tried to blow it up. Tremors were felt around the earth.”

           “Those tremors were felt in my world too. Thor and I paid the price…and so did my husband. Though it doesn't absolve his sins.” I flicked through images and faces in idle swipes. “Was there a sample of Harry to be studied by an expert?” I watched her smirk. “If we could separate him from that suit and cure him, it would save us a lot of trouble. Oscorp is in bad hands, it seems that way from what I’ve seen in the files and the paper. Octavius was blamed on him and there will be others. All those human experiments in Ravencroft. We cannot let more villains slip through cracks of government and secrets alike. Fantastic Four took care of Doom while the X-Men wiped the floor with countless problems on their end I've learned.”

           “Clint brought it to the lab last night; the sample. Bruce was going to look at it today.” She side-eyed the screen I was searching through, drinking her coffee. “What happened to you in Asgard?” Her question caused me to stop, shutting the files away before I sat straighter.

           “Nothing I didn’t ask for.” I finished my drink. “Why did you turn your back on everything you were forced to learn…to join a different side? Knowing your past would haunt you so?”

           “Not many of us were lucky enough to fight back. They treated us like children. Grooming us but nothing could prepare me for what the world was really like. I guess that I knew I was on the wrong side when I saw the world for what it was.” Natasha shrugged. “We got out and I realized I wasn’t a child. I was a monster for the things I’d done. For what they got me to believe. Clint gave me a chance to put my training toward something better, the first chance another person had given me. Nick agreed and I was turned. Slowly.” She shook her head. “When Shield fell, I kept asking myself how I couldn’t have seen it. I, out of all of them, should have realized Hydra was there thriving. But I didn’t. This time, you and Steve gave me a chance and this time I knew I deserved it.”

           “I’d trust you again in a heartbeat.” I added and she stared at me.

           “Thor told us some stuff. You guys kept up the whole marriage charade. Loki in prison. You and the mind stone.”

           “Asgard honored me.” I scoffed. “I stood at the side of our King while war ravaged the realms. There is no greater honor and it was all mine. I used to dream of such recognition. Foolish. Not even Thor or Loki got a piece of what I did…and it was their birthright. I was a commoner, taken in by the charity of the House of Odin. The Queen’s special project. Not to sound harsh. I loved them and they cared deeply for me for such a long time.”

           “Seemed like you’d all seen war before.”

           “Yes…nothing like this. Nothing that would transcend so many realms in our age. Thor grew up on the sheer fact that it would be him next to his royal father with Loki at his side. Once these lines were crossed… But, I was powerful and glowing and, best of all, feared. They transported me and I ended battles only by displaying the things I could do. Odin’s advisers were wild and I was drunk of the power that was killing me, so what did any of it matter?” I cocked my head and looked away. “Before any of that…I was given free reign as Loki’s warden under the condition I demonstrated the things I could do for them as well. I tortured and killed war criminals for answers. We all got what we wanted. Privately, I think that I knew I wanted to shove my last year of agony into Loki’s face but, we both made a mistake.”

           “How’s that?”

           “We caught  _feelings_  again. We reconnected through pain and hope. When your life is ending, certain things become less important and other things tether back into your heart. Our advisers didn’t care about what I did, I always delivered for them. My once poor village became historic ground. I’d turned dung into gold but those moments under the palace…I was the monster. I spied and assassinated and did things that weren’t clean for my realm during those wars. I would tell myself that I only dealt with the guilty. Not the innocent. Many prisoners were guilty of such terrible atrocities, I dragged it out on purpose. But, few…they were just left in the wrong place. Not good but no different from people I knew. It was war to us all. I gave them a quick death after getting what our advisers coveted. I left Thor out of the loop and it burned him. It was troubling to see me used but it was worse that I had taken the place by his father…the one place he could have shared with his brother alone. He would never admit it because he is too good and I hurt him by taking pieces of that away to expose the shrill underneath.” I felt my hands shake and gripped my mug to calm them.

           “What else did you do?” She asked as I gave it away.

           “I murdered a man on our side after a battle. They will say it was because he gave me an order to kill the rest of our enemies when they surrendered and I defied his vile command. But, I killed him in front of everyone because he called me an exotic cunt. I did horrible things in the name of Asgard but I won’t pretend I wasn’t acting on my own boiling mind. I kill because I want to on some level and because I've gotten very good at it.”

           “The mind stone…it changes people.” She offered and I shook my head.

           “It made me stronger and did things to my head but I can’t blame it alone. It was a man on the war council. He called me the name in front of our army and his own officials. He knew he’d get by because they _all get by_...and I was furious. So, I picked him up and drained his life until he pissed blood…also in front of everyone and the council bowed to me afterwards because  _I told them to_.” My eyes lit up and something in her soul was jarred at the sight but the moment was gone when I pressed my fist to my lips and simply went on. “I’d just committed treason moments after winning the battle by controlling enemies and forcing them to slaughter each other. Quick display of fear and then surrender. That’s how our more difficult battles ended. The peasant girl stepped in front of Prince Thor and there was a mighty cry throughout all of Asgard. I wanted something. Credit, perhaps for everything I’ve ever done and given. Every ounce of hard work I did that was passed by. …But, I was just too enraged when I killed him, I barely felt the satisfaction.”

           “Angry because of what you did or not feeling better after?” Natasha asked her questions without judgment or fear.

           “Angry because he would be easily replaced and angry because he had a family…brothers, sisters, children, grandkids. And they loved his foul soul. I felt them all when I took him. I feel every connection break within these bleeding hearts. And they got no justice on me. I was perfect and untouchable and King Odin’s faithful right hand. And I was furious because they all still loved these awful souls over mine. They didn't care that I bled in the name of Asgard. And Thor…he loves me. But, I replaced him as Asgard’s favorite weapon and that grated on his golden skin. He’d never admit it. I made Thor feel small and I stood at his father’s side and I was the thing they all turned to because they had no choice.”

           “How’d your King feel about all this?”

           “Odin… We grew a complex relationship. He resented me and yet, cared for me in the way no man has ever… I resented him too. We both made terrible choices at the expense of the other but, something connected between us when all was finished.” I shook my head. “I grew up in a village, poor by Asgard’s standards. Loved by a prince and groomed by our King and Queen. In the end, I surpassed two trueborn princes and took the place they both coveted and I…I thrived from it in a way. But, it did not matter if I thrived, only that I displayed power unlike anything Asgard has seen or will see again. I’m going to be history to them. A change in our evolution for what I was given and what I went on to take. They’ll read about me in schooling and know that I was the brightest light and the darkest corner all at once for some perfect moment in time. And I gave that power, that life without limitation, up to help save them. In that, they molded me from their weapon to their savior. How utterly twisted.”

           “It was killing you, Thor said. You had to.”

           “Yes, it was… I know it was the right thing at the time and I would do the same again because I can’t do the easy thing any longer even if I wanted to. I felt Thor’s relief and Loki’s and only then was I loved even for a moment by our people. Asgard was bowing but not out of fear. But, I am frustrated because for years, I knew limits on my soul and in my words…my thoughts and emotions. I knew what it was inside but I couldn’t bring it out without bloodshed and confusion. I fought. I fought my abusive home. The odds stacked against me. And it wasn’t seen by them until I gave up my power. The mind stone, in all its terrible glory…gave me a chance to show pieces I could not display. But, they equated that horrid gift to those who had once oppressed me. So, of course, it had to be taken. I was too powerful for my own good. But, still, they can never take away the simple fact that it was mine and even in fragments, it  _is still_ mine. Thanos targets me before Loki, you know? He targets me because he knew Loki would fail him and he knows that I would not have...the moment I felt him inside Loki’s mind. Latched into me like a leech before I took the stone. He targets me because I, too, gave him no other choice and because I gave him hope as well like I had given it to many others. Or tried to. And so, his fury stems from the sheer fact that I destroyed his faith in me because the world saw me as too powerful for my own good. But, Thanos saw me as just the beginning. And I feared the world in that moment more than I did him. He just couldn’t stand it.”

           “You regret giving it away at all?”

           “No. It really upset Thanos and I’m still alive. The mind gem is exactly where it needs to be right now.” I shrugged before joking. “It’s the little things that keep me going.” I laid my hands out to show the geometric scar, glowing gold while crimson ash fluttered around my fingertips and dissipated. “I used to doubt my abilities. I used to fear them. But, I’ve learned they are the natural order of my soul and I have to start taking care of my soul. Especially if I hope to reach my heights. My abilities and my magic can live in harmony. I just need to let them.”

           “Little things. Right.” Natasha finished her coffee and settled her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. “Still powerful by mortal standards. Hope that counts for something.”

           “You hit me pretty hard yesterday, I might be losing my touch.” I got her to grin.

           “I thought I broke my hand at first.” She showed me the bruise. “Still hurts.”

           “Sorry,” I flashed a guilty smile and reached out. “May I apologize?” Natasha beamed with amusement and slipped her hand into both of mine. I closed my eyes and smoothed my thumbs over her skin until a small healing spell sent the bruise flooding away.

           “Hey, can I ask you something else?” The question brought me back when I released her.

           “You have an inquisitive soul and you hide it well.” I pressed my lips. “Yes.”

           “When you take pain, where does it go?” She exhaled when I tapped my chest.

           “I save it for later.” I blinked. “It would be a great crime to waste even one piece of another’s soul and their pain.” I stood when something beeped behind me.

           “I guess that makes sense.” She replied quietly.

           “Jarvis, why not wake them for an early breakfast? Tony’s been in that lab too long, probably snoring over his expensive tech.” I set my hand on my hips.

           “I am rousing them now,” his pleasant voice responded while I used magic to shift pans of food around a table a few feet away.

           “Smells good.” I shrugged. “Tony’s kitchen is nice… I’m glad we spoke, I wasn’t exactly open yesterday.” I watched her nod to agree before I sighed.

           “They won’t trust him, you know. They just trust you.”

           “Yes, you’re right. Maybe it is wise for you all and maybe I’m in the right as well. Life is so full of possibilities. Loki’s soul is tired and very attached to mine. He would not compromise that further because he will lose what we’ve gained so far. It may also shock you to know that he loves me more than he fears Thanos in turn. I felt it. There was a time when he didn’t and it cost him. He’s also not fond of this world by means of ruling it after seeing it extensively, take a bit of comfort in that.” I turned as the elevator doors opened and Steve entered with ruffled hair and loose clothing.

           “Morning,” he yawned and offered us that dear, crooked smile. “Breakfast?”

           “Jarvis is prepared for this many guests. Coffee is fresh,” I pointed but did not join him at the table when Natasha did. Clint was shirtless still, shrugging a hoodie on when he bounded downstairs and slipped between Steve and Nat after a greeting. Bucky was hesitant and eyed the island counter I’d isolated myself on before I cocked my head and Steve waved him over. Tony’s voice lingered along the hallways as Pepper bid him farewell when he entered and I slid a plate of toast toward him after he approached the counter to sit across from me instead. They all greeted me and I grew silent while they spoke a few feet away, falling into my own daydreams. Snow tumbled outside and the sky grew brighter. Natasha asked me to join but was interrupted when Thor beamed down from the sky and came inside the sliding door, dropping Mjolnir and his bags before he made himself at home and Steve laughed openly.

           “Sorry, I’m late.” He’d shrugged, clapping Bucky on the back which caused his eyes to bulge because they barely knew each other before Thor began to feast next to him.

           “I hate him,” Tony rubbed his eyes and dropped his forehead into his arm. I snickered and stole a piece of toast from his plate.

           “He used the door and didn’t break anything.” I tried, seeking out Sam’s soul still in the training room. It was too cold to jog outside. “Thor adapts.”

           “We’re going to need more food.” Tony watched Thor chug his coffee and wipe his lips on a napkin.

           “That’s also true.” I looked up when Bruce entered, the only one besides me who was showered and dressed so far. “Good morning.”

           “Sleep well?” He asked first and I nodded. Bruce sat at the edge of the counter between us and them at the table. We enjoyed breakfast until I sat up, sensing Loki in the elevator.

           “Please play nice,” I rubbed my temple and the door dinged. Loki came out as Ava in one of my sweaters, hanging from her shoulder and Bruce choked on his coffee. The outfit showed more skin than they liked and her bed head caused me to cover my lips to suppress an amused smile. Thor had inhaled some crust and was still coughing when Loki came to sit next to me, pressing into my side to steal my coffee and kiss my cheek. Sam had just come in from the stairs and stopped in his tracks, brow furrowing.

           “It’s rude to stare.” Loki muttered, flicking vibrant green eyes up and no one moved. “Does this form jostle you further?” He switched back without a shirt and pajama pants that left a good view of his hips. The bedhead was identical. Clint growled and tensed his jaw.

           “I’m going to hit him.”

           “It’s too early,” Sam shook his head and joined the table by Clint.

           “We talked about this,” Bruce exhaled. “Civil.”

           “Doctor Banner, you’re still the smartest mortal in the room despite that beast swimming under your skin.” Loki grinned with teeth.

           “The beast seemed to do a number on you last we met. I believe the nickname  _Puny God_  was uttered so they told me.” Bruce flickered his eyes up and Tony didn’t hide his smile.

           “Bruce Banner, thank you for joining us.” he quirked one brow up. Loki summoned a paper to his hand and it smacked the back of Tony’s head on the way over.

           “Enough!” I was sharp, snatching it from Loki’s hands. “Eat. All of you.”

           “Give it,” Loki reached and I held it out for Clint to steal when he got up to pour himself some coffee.

           “ _Hm_.” He drank and wiggled his eyebrows before turning back to the table.

           “We should talk about how we’re keeping him a secret,” Steve huffed, leaning back.

           “Ahead of you, Captain. As usual. I assume the term  _shapeshifter_  is something you all are at least the tiniest bit aware of.” Loki was eating from my plate after I filled it. “Any sign, I switch to Ava. Disappear. I have no limit to forms but this one makes the most sense. I’m just the Asgardian’s mortal scientist girlfriend. Offering aid and anything else she might desire-”

           “Stop.” I perked up when Thor stood to scoop up another plate, offering one to Loki before seating himself on my opposite side.

           “Was father furious?” Loki tried not to be interested. “What of Sif and your band of friends?”

           “They were your friends once.” Thor was looking at his plate and the mortals were studying us subtly. I stared at my coffee with more ease. “Father is…coming around. We spoke for a long time with mother and came to an agreement that you should remain as you are.”

           “Had to beg to keep me out of prison, did you?” Loki was passive aggressive but Thor didn’t falter.

           “This way…you cannot disappear again.” He’d replied and Loki paused, hands clenching and relaxing. “Father can spare aid when we require it. When I call for it.” I sighed outwardly and got up with my mug so I wasn’t separating them before I took Thor’s seat at the table next to Bucky.

           “Probably best,” Sam muttered and I hummed in response, eyes rolling.

           “You’re making her  _uncomfortable_ , brother, look what you’ve done.” Loki mustered a sneer and Thor smirked at that.

           “Do you two need any of us here for this?” Tony asked across the way and Loki fumed in response, crossing his arms over the marble to avert his gaze from all of them. Thor set his hand on Loki’s shoulder and got pushed off in an instant. He didn’t try again.

           “Nightmare last night?” Bucky asked to shift the subject and the focus was on me when I shook my head to lie.

           “Not really. Didn't sleep too much I suppose. I’ve perfected the art.” I gulped my coffee this time.

           “You’ll have to get more than three hours eventually,” Clint looked up from his plate and Natasha nodded.

           “We’ll need you alert.”

           “Runes?” Thor asked after a beat.

           “He breaks through them. Especially since…” I pressed my lips and looked away. “He’s strong and it is to be expected. The power he can unleash is nothing I’ve seen. I cannot even predict it. And if he has even one infinity stone, no matter how fate has been altered, he will destroy everything.”

           “How could he channel the power of all of them if mother destroyed his gauntlet? She…told me everything between you two. I hope.” Thor stood to get another coffee and I shrugged.

           “She swallowed one and did just fine,” Tony piped up after I didn’t respond. “Sort of.”

           “Thank you, Anthony.” I smirked and Loki shifted in his seat across from him.

           “So we’re left to training. Later today after this final meeting.” Thor grinned. “I’ll take it slow.”

           “Be gentle, it’ll be our first time.” Tony scoffed slightly and I got up.

           “You haven’t lived unless you’ve been slowly and tenderly taken by Thor in a fierce training session,” I joked, earning a snort from Sam while Clint buried his face in his arm and Natasha rolled her eyes. “So, it’s settled. Meeting. Training. A relatively normal day. I can work with that.” I moved to get another coffee from the fresh pot, adding cream and sugar as Thor spoke behind me.

           “We should spend actual time assessing how our various skills work together.”

           “I have a few ideas,” Steve replied as I stirred my cup and turned back. “What’s your flight time like?”

           “Not as good as Sam’s time,” I winked. “What did we clock in at, Loki? Six whole minutes?”

           “Eight if you push. Depends on your speed.” He rubbed his temple.

           “How much can you carry?” Steve asked and I shrugged. “Any of us?”

           “Might limit my time but I believe so. Could try giving the Hulk a horseback ride next time he’s out.”

           “Piggyback is the better mortal term,” Loki noted and I shrugged.

           “Doesn’t make sense to me.” I drank and stepped to the counter.

           “The Hulk can’t fly but he can jump far enough, I think I’ll pass.” Bruce was noticeably entertained.

           “I can fly far but sometimes carrying throws me off,” Sam piped up.

           “Can you lift people with magic?” Steve asked me and I considered it.

           “Objects maybe. People, I’m not sure I’m there yet-”

           “ _Gah! Hey!”_ Tony was lifted up by a swirl of green light and I huffed, reaching to tug at his ankle as Loki propped his elbow on the table and let his fingers twitch in a motion that was graceful.

           “I can.” He pressed his lips and I waved him off, tugging Tony down into his seat.

           “You all right?” I brushed him off.

           “It’s  _fine_. You know that Cupid was an ass in his myths too?” Tony quirked his brow up.

           “So was Loki in his. Life imitates art.” Natasha quipped.

           “Not my fault the soldier asked.” Loki countered.

           “Loki,” I chided and he shrugged, not worried.

           “He isn’t going anywhere with us.” Steve cocked his head and Loki hummed outwardly.

           “Yes, Captain, you are so very correct… I’ll just remain  _here_ ,” Loki sipped, “with all of these personal items. All this technology and knowledge at my disposal. I bet I could make friends with the automated servant. Jeeves.”

           “ _Jarvis_.” Tony appeared offended.

           “ _Shit_ ,” Clint muttered under his breath and Loki was smirking.

           “Exactly, Barton. I go where she goes.” Loki cocked his head in my direction. “You all had better get used to my many faces.”

           “He’s bathing regularly again, right?” Tony quipped. “Wasn’t the case when we first met, I had to pressure wash my suit after.”

           “Separate,” Thor cut in when Loki glared.

           “Alright, we’re done. Finish breakfast and prepare, we’ll talk then,” I heaved Loki along with me, setting my finished coffee aside. The elevator doors shut and Loki huffed, pulling from my gasp.

           “You don’t have to do that.” He crossed his arms.

           “Clearly, I did. We have a few hours, take a relaxing shower and focus your mind.” I peered at him and dropped my eyes elsewhere. Naaki greeted me and I scooped her up as Loki tugged off his clothing in a hurry and water turned on.

           “ _Mrrow_.” Naaki purred and I smiled at her, letting her down on the bed before I turned the television on.

           “Don’t watch too much, my sweet.” I rubbed her head and turned to go see Loki, shutting the bathroom door behind me. He turned from the mirror and spat out mouthwash into the sink when I shifted behind him. “I’m sorry.” I muttered, smoothing hair aside to get up on my toes and kiss the nape of his neck. Loki pulled my arms around his torso and let me squeeze him before I smiled into his shoulder. “No matter what happens, remember who I’m standing beside.”

           “You as well.” Loki sighed, feeling of pure frazzled nerves twisting together and stretching apart. He wanted me to touch him but, he wouldn’t move. “I am quite focused.”

           “Really?” I slipped one hand down, fingers brushing over the light trail of hair under his belly button. He tried to use amusement to hide the fact that I was about to make him a puddle.

           “Yes.” Loki swallowed and I kissed his shoulder blade, shifting up his neck.

           “I don’t think you’re relaxed enough.”

           “You’re going to need a…another shower after this,” Loki’s breath hitched and I let my fingers wander down his shaft. He was growing taut instantly so I smirked and rubbed him. Maybe it wasn't right. I knew sex would relax him, so I slipped to my knees and stroked him. “Oh…” Loki cursed, bracing himself on the sink and my shoulder. I leaned in to kiss the base of his cock, allowing the tip of my tongue to trail up toward the swollen head. Wet kisses turned to suckles while I stroked him until he was slick, leaking readily into my palm. “Yes, just like that.” I didn’t speak or make a sound, closing my lips around him like I’d perfected the art. Loki had closed his eyes, long fingers dug into my shoulder to tug at my sweater until I let him remove it. Trying to gain back some control, the water turned off behind us before he gripped my chin and stroked himself. I watched him intently; he slipped his tip along my lips until they opened. Saliva and arousal dripped down my chin and onto my breasts. Loki waited until I’d taken his whole cock in before he moved, shallow thrusts caused me to gag once and grip his hips. I heaved when he pulled away and yanked a towel down before pressing me against the floor. He didn’t take off my bra but went of my leggings, pulling them up over my legs with my underwear. Loki scooted forward on his knees and I reclined back against the towel, legs spread open by his. He just stroked himself, watching me while I stared back at him. We breathed together and my thighs shifted open more before I found my voice.

           “Are you going to touch me?” I asked and his chuckle caught before he slipped his free hand up my side. I let him masturbate to the sight of my heated body, opened up just so for him and sighed while he pawed at me. He caressed my face and slipped two fingers between my lips, slicking them before he came down for a kiss and cupped between my legs. “Loki…” I shifted to rub against his hand. He pleasured me at his leisure, sucking my neck as he went on. We shifted and he pressed inside, cupping the back of my head when my arms went around him. He uttered my name in a tone that vibrated my body, causing me to squeeze my thighs around his slim hips. “I love you,” I’d promised.

           “I’ll never lose you again,” he kissed me for a long moment and life swept into my lungs. “I swear it.”

** ** **

           “Maria Hill, I believe a congratulations are in order. In Asgard, we’d throw you a banquet. Slaughter a few animals in your honor,” I took her hand to shake it. “They’d be delicious after a slow roast.”

           “For now, I think I just have time for the handshake.” She smirked noticeably. Everyone filed in slowly from different rooms. Peter swung onto the balcony with his mask on, pulling it off when he came inside. I shifted to greet James Rhodes, smiling fully when I shook his hand.

           “Nice to see you again. Will Lady Potts join us?”

           “Pepper won’t make it today,” he offered, “has a business to run. Tony’s business to be exact. Took some convincing for her to come back.”

           “I admire her for that, Stark Industries has been branching out so this past year. I imagine it keeps her busy.”

           “How you holding up?” He asked. “Tony isn’t the only one not sleeping I heard.”

           “Better, thank you. Your friend has quite the restless soul.”

           “Restless is the better word,” he joked and I chuckled as Tony crossed over.

           “She’s lying, whatever she said. You can’t sway  _my_  Rhodey.”

           “An  _unexplainable_  soul then,” I got Rhodes to snicker, patting Tony’s face as I passed between them to greet Loki as Ava. She twisted now blonde locks between her fingers and Thor approached reluctantly.

           “It’s a good color on you. The hair.” He muttered and I pressed my lips when Loki’s head snapped to the side.

           “How’d you like to wake as a goat, Thor?”

           “We match, sweet sister,” he nudged her with a playful expression and Loki swatted at his arm.

           “I am going to kill you.” Loki hissed before Thor ruffled her hair and I covered my lips.

           “Thor and I need to present ourselves well to the mortals.” I separated them, straightening Loki’s tight blazer as I did. Peter shifted toward us at the same time I spotted Bucky entering and beckoning me over. “How are you?” I joined him next to the window.

           “Hill and Fury met with Steve, Natasha, and I separately. They vouched for me and said you would as well after what you did. Haven’t been put in a cell yet. They agreed to hide me.” He nodded and I crossed my arms briefly before I touched his shoulder.

           “Do you have full range of your memories?”

           “Yes…still sorting a few out.” He paused. “Thank you. Hope I didn’t pull you from anything else.”

           “My contact and I have already spoken. He’s joining them at Xavier’s school to assist and I told him we had a good run. It isn’t over by far but I’m happy with what we’ve accomplished. I meant to find you, you didn’t fall into my lap.” I tucked some hair behind his ear and swept my fingers down his jaw and chin, tilting his head up. “Take care of your mind. Yeah?” I smiled with a lighter heart and turned but he tapped my shoulder. “Something else?”

           “It’s about Ava. Steve…filled me in on some stuff and I remember Loki from files.” He cocked his head. “When I was at your place, Loki was a little…?”

           “Yes, he was flirting with you.” I confirmed and Bucky exhaled, touching his head.

           “Okay, I thought he was but I…”

           “Sweet boy.” I chuckled. “Loki finds you attractive. I mean, you are handsome but yes, she does that. Ava likes to flirt with other women in public but I know she prefers to flirt with men playfully.” My tone lowered. “In either form. It’s a game.”

           “…Okay. Right. You know, I just wondered.”

           “Glad we settled that.” I patted his shoulder and peered at Steve shooting daggers at Ava behind Bucky. “…You told Steve, didn’t you?”

           “Sorry.” He flashed his teeth with a look of guilt.

           “It’s fine. He’ll get over it… Probably not. She’s going to flirt with you again. It’s harmless.”

           “Right…my bad.”

           “Stop apologizing,” I laughed, patting his chest when I shifted to join Thor again. He was leaning against a desk and pulled out the chair for me. A woman I recognized came in and Maria waved her over. Steve perked up instantly next to Bucky when the rest of the team filtered inside.

           “You’re all here, finally.” Maria waved the woman over. “I believe you all know, Sharon Carter. She’s been working extensively with my team.” We exchanged greetings before the door opened and Reed Richards rushed in.

           “Sorry, I’m late, I meant to touch base last night. I don’t have long.” He moved around Tony. “Passing on a message. We might have a problem.”

           “What’s the word from DC?” Maria nodded, waving him over.

           “It’s been handled. The government proposed a bill. Superhuman and Mutant Registration Act.” He puffed for air when everyone tried to speak at once.

           “One at a time, I’m bringing Fury up. Stark.” Maria was pressing keys and Tony dimmed the lights before Nick Fury’s face appeared on screen.

           “Reed’s back, sir. They proposed it.” She spoke.

           “Of course, you both knew before we did.” Tony remarked.

           “Guess we’re skipping the greetings, Director Hill.” He cocked his head.

           “I don’t understand.” Thor spoke and Fury sighed.

           “In light of these many events, it’s been nudged that super-humans and mutant beings register themselves under the federal government.” He explained.

           “And compromise their identities? Their families? No.” Steve stood at full height.

           “Cap might have a point,” Tony added and Reed spoke over overlapping voices.

           “Not to worry, yet. It was dismissed. Put aside because most of us argued against it. But, if we or anyone else gives them cause to bring it back, we could be in serious trouble.”

           “Register to… _what_?” I put my hand up. “Round them up and control them when needed? Even with those willing register, what villain would come forward? It’s unnecessary. Was Stryker attending this proposal?”

           “How’d you know?” Sharon crossed her arms, face flat.

           “Lucky guess.” I shrugged.

           "So was General Ross." She went on and Bruce shot up.

           "Are you kidding me?" He crushed his teeth. We hadn't seen him be so quick to anger.

           "Bruce," Tony eased, pressing him back into his chair before his skin pulsed green.

           "I'm fine." 

           “I’m...sending this message to all our contacts but, we have to keep ourselves in line or someone else will try and it’ll get ugly.” Reed looked around. “It was put aside but if we make them work to push it through...”

           “Say they put it through and none of us come forward?” Bruce shrugged. “Does General Ross have my cell ready?”

           “I’m not sure Ross is in any position to be making demands,” Tony added, scoffing. “ _General screw up_.”

           "The guy is a disgrace but people listen to him." Rhodes added.

           “He didn’t exactly get more than a slap on the wrist for what happened that day to me. Or when he made me a fugitive. Or for hunting me like I was property. Or-!” Bruce stopped talking when his watch beeped before he pressed his fingers to his forehead.

           “You alright, doctor?” Rhodey craned his neck and Bruce nodded, the beeping slowed.

           “Fine. We’re all fine. How are we supposed to get anything done with the government looming over us?” Bruce shrugged.

           “It’s dismissed. We’re business as usual. Keep civilians out of danger. Clear out the bad guys. Neutralize threats before the world ends.” Nick spoke into the screen.

           “We should be the ones making these decisions because we’re the most capable. Not the government.” Steve sat back down. “Thanks for coming, Reed.”

           “I’ll let you know if anything changes. They backed off…we can keep this going.” He fixed his coat and left. Ava shifted quietly next to me and set a hand on my arm.

           “On that note, we have news as well. We’re onto two working Hydra facilities. Old but large and somewhat operational. Could be research sectors. We need to get in. Hope you all like the snow. Agent Carter and Director Hill will pass out files with the info. We need to hit both within the month or so while we can still spare the agents. Get back to me tomorrow. I’ve got my eye on you.” The screen snapped off and Tony huffed.

           “Never gets tired of that joke?” He leaned back and Sharon dropped a file into his lap unceremoniously.

           “Thor. Report on Asgard.” Maria prompted when she passed us.

           “My father will send but a few of our best warriors when I call in a dire circumstance. So as long as it doesn’t further compromise the security of our world or this one.” Thor offered.

           “Report on Thanos.” She went on, peering at me and I sat up with the file tight in my grasp.

           “Thanos? Uh…angry. He’s…” Everyone was staring at me. “Well, he’s not exactly coming within the day. He’s looking for something first and honestly, I am not sure what that is. But, if I know anything about beings like Thanos, he’d rather…break our spirits…before making his appearance. He also has a plan for me but, I...I cannot piece it together. All I see are suns setting and rising. If Hydra is working for him, he’s probably limited so rooting them out should come first.”

           “It’ll piss him off if we do.” Tony added. “Worth it.”

           “You all have your mission. Fury will get back with us for the time of our drop. Dress warm.” Maria shifted things around in her briefcase. “Dr. Octavius and Harry Osborn were also spotted.” She held up a photo to Peter and he sighed. “We have an agent watching your aunt’s house if they find out who you are.”

           “Thank you.” He paused. “Where was this taken?”

           “Victor Von Doom kicked them out of Latveria, reports say. Lost after. We’re looking again.”

           “I need to get Harry back before he hurts anyone else. It isn’t him. We can get into Oscorp.” Peter insisted.

           “We can’t make waves there. Peter, we’re trying to get a solid location on them. But-”

           “I get it.” He swallowed. “I know. What should I tell my aunt May?”

           “…Sleepover?” Tony pressed his lips. "Question, should we even be letting him go?”

           “I went on the last one. I’m in this. I’m going.” Peter crossed his legs and relaxed with a half-smile. “You all leave without me, I might try getting into Oscorp by myself. Saving Harry. By myself. Might make a mess.”

           I didn’t hear the retort because Loki smirked wider next to me and lowered her eyes.

           “We’ll be ready,” Steve stood. “All of us.”

           “I expect you all on the jet. Bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Maria picked up her briefcase and started to walk out as we stood up and went in different directions. Natasha gave Steve a shove until he stepped into Sharon Carter’s path.

           “Sorry, I, uh… Hi.”

           “Captain.” She beamed with sly eyes as I passed, propping my arm up on Steve’s shoulder to touch him. “Been a few days since that call. Hiding out in Avengers Tower?”

           “Steve wants to ask you out.” I leaned in. “He’ll be free at eight tonight and he thinks you’re a stunning, brave warrior.”

           “…Thank you. I can do this.” Steve pressed his teeth and I grinned when Sharon laughed at that.

           “Ask me out, you mean?”

           “No…I mean, yes. I mean-”

           “I’m free at eight.” She shrugged as I walked off, Natasha and Sam came to either side of me.

           “Subtle.” Nat remarked. “Thanks.”

           “We all deserve a night of ease with good company.” I blew some hair out of my face. “I hope you all are prepared for this training session.

           “After we wreck Tony’s training room, we might have to find a better spot.” Sam added as a few of us piled into the elevator, flipping through files of a facility covered in fresh snow.

           “Steve and Tony are going to put together a plan for entry. Just like last time,” Bruce joined us. “I really need to get the Hulk in check.”

           “I’d like to be in on that planning this time.” Thor got in as Bucky squeezed in next to Natasha and Sam.

           “Can you scoot over?” Bucky had muttered.

           “No.” Sam pressed his lips and Loki approached.

           “I think I prefer the stairs- _ngh_!” She was yanked inside by Thor before the doors shut.

           “You all  _willingly_  squeezed into an elevator with me knowing I turn into a giant rage monster when agitated.” Bruce puffed for air. “Not sure if I’m touched or if I pity you all.”

           “You’re getting a better handle on him, it seems.” I shrugged, pressed into Thor’s back.

           “It’s not the turning into him…it’s the turning back that’s the problem.” He sighed.

           “Stop petting my hair,” Loki hissed and Thor took his hand away.

           “Just trying to protect my little sister.”

           “I’ll slice off your bulky arm and beat you with it,” Loki scrunched her face.

           “Old rivalries. Becoming new friendships. Isn’t that lovely?” I looked down at my nails and Bucky smirked next to me while the elevator dinged. I followed them into the training room and Thor flicked the many lights on. My mind played like I was setting foot on the training grounds back home. I set my file aside when the others did while Bucky adjusted his arm, flexing his silver fingers before he tied his hair back. “Just like old times?” I picked up a metal bar and Thor came to my side.

           “Ah, a little,” he swung Mjolnir in his opposite hand.

           “I miss my weapons at times. My armor.” I crossed my arms.

           “It is my belief that you do just fine without them.” He touched my back. “We’ll put a suit together for you. You, Loki, and I.”

           “Have you called Jane?”

           “Yes…but, she was busy. Sent me a text. I’m not sure if I’ve upset her…she is not really speaking with me. Her work must keep her occupied but…I do not know.”

           “I’m certain she’ll come around when she can.” I nodded and Ava hopped up onto a metal shelf, crossing her legs to watch like a judgemental cat.

           “Give me a good show, sweetheart.” She winked, frowning and looking away when Thor smiled at her.

           “Come, Loki, you cannot go on like this forever.”

           “Obviously, you’ve forgotten who I am.”

           “I doubt that.” Thor reached to set Mjolnir next to her and she crossed her arms at him. Tony, Steve, and Peter joined us after another minute. Core pieces of an Iron Man suit were attached to Tony’s hands and feet while Steve held his shield.

           “I think with the size of these facilities.” Steve began. “We need to split up in groups. Enter high and low. Neutralize enemies and steal every file we can get. If Hydra’s planning something with Thanos. We need to stay atop it. But, Hydra…they’ll sink the ship and crew to hide before they’ll let us steal data. Hill says when we’re in, they have a pretty good layout of the place. We’ll communicate the entire way. Stay as close as you can to your groups, this shouldn’t be a life or death mission. One of us gets compromised, we get out. The key will be getting in.”

           “Getting in won’t be an issue,” Thor cracked his knuckles, eager.

           “You shouldn’t immediately start smashing your way in, brother,” Loki piped on from her perch.

           “You want in this, you earn it.” Steve stepped up to her. “You want Hydra out and frankly, I’m starting to think you’re more afraid of Thanos than anyone. So maybe stop making quips and start fighting this titan because he wants you and your wife dead. Can you use that magic to say, lift us into a window? Or to distract anyone?” Loki huffed with a glint in her eyes and hopped down. “Lift me onto that ledge. Carefully.” Steve gripped his shield and Loki set her arms out, fingers turning to claws before Steve was levitated up, curving over us all onto a mounted beam.

           “You desire a distraction,” Loki dropped her arms and twenty replicas appeared through the room. “You shall have it. I’ll wear a disguise over this disguise and do what I can if it means your lot will grant me sanctuary from Thanos.” The clones dissipated into the floor. “Not to mention, my wife can lobotomize every Hydra agent she gets her lovely hands on.”

           “You get good information that way?” Tony asked while Steve jumped down, landing with ease.

           “More or less. Pieces. I’ll retrieve what I can and add it to our directory.” I set my hands on my hips.

           “Divide up by who has formal training and who has not. There are more of us now, we need to rework this.” Steve walked between us all. Bruce was eager to take a large step aside while Thor and I joined Natasha, Steve, Sam, and Bucky. Tony set one hand up before Clint pointed him the other way and stood with us. Peter crossed his arms and joined Bruce and Tony after hesitating.

           “Lab geeks get separated from the jocks and weirdos. I see how it is.” Tony cocked his head. Loki hung back again near the wall, observing us. “Jarvis, give us a beat.” Music started and I snickered to myself.

           “I worked well with the Hulk when I first came to Earth.”

           “Don’t remind me.” Loki rolled her eyes back and Bruce stood taller.

           “She has a point.” He shrugged. “I was able to speak. Hasn’t happened since…well, a long time ago I'm told. If the Hulk gets out of control, having an Asgardian on him might be best.”

           “If I fall from the sky, you are someone I’d trust to catch me.” I tilted my chin up, encouraging him.

           “Bruce, join your partner.” Steve nudged. “Take Peter. Hulk might not be able to get inside the facility. Parker’s got more range and you’re better close up, it’ll work.”

           “Now we’re talking, I get to fight with the goddess,” Peter hurried and skidded to a stop next to me as I suppressed a chuckle. “My friend, Flash, would die. He’s in love with you on TV. Caught him doodling pictures of us once. Spider-Man and you, I mean, not…not us. Not like together either. Sorry.”

           “That is sweet,” I clasped my hands.

           “Clint and Natasha had a good thing going, keep that up.” Steve gestured and Natasha rolled her eyes with a huff when Clint set his arm around her shoulder.

           “Gee, Steve, are you mad at me?” She winked. “I pushed you and your girlfriend together.”

           “We’re not…ah. Not yet.” Steve changed the subject and I smiled a little at Natasha when I caught her expression. “Anyways, Tony?”

           “Muffin, I thought we had something special last time.” Tony clapped Steve on the back.

           “I think Sam will work well with Bucky since neither Bucky nor I can fly; you and Sam can. So I guess that leaves you and me again.” Steve quirked his lip up. “Thor, you’ll…stand with Loki. He gets one chance, he ruins it and he goes into a cell.”

           “I’ll take the cell.” Loki’s lips were a tight line when Thor swept her toward his frame.

           “You’re not going to snap my wings off again?” Sam joked, patting Bucky as he passed him to grab his gear.

           “Debating it.” Bucky shrugged while we split off. A few of the mortals stretched and I shook out my arms.

           “How strong are those webs, Peter?” I put my arm out and he shot my hand, yanking me a few steps forward toward him.

           “They do alright.” He shrugged his shoulders.

           “Impressive material. Strength with a great elasticity.” I observed the strand, pulling before I yanked hard and swung. Peter was tossed toward the wall and landed with dexterity that would have matched a few agile warriors I knew back home. “You need something to swing from, I’ll fly high and cover you. The exterior around this place isn’t spider friendly.”

           “Neither is the Daily Bugle but at least they’re paying me. Badly.” Peter jumped between beams and landed next to Bruce. The groups behind us were discussing separate topics over the music.

           “Bruce, are you into self-defense?” I pressed my lips and he gasped slightly for a chuckle.

           “Learned a few things while I was on the run.”

           “Well you’re about to learn some more.”

** ** **

           “Nervous?” Loki held to a rail while the jet hummed. I stared out a window and settled an earpiece in after Steve passed them out.

           “Eight minutes out.” Natasha got up from the co-pilot’s seat.

           “Not for the fight,” I peered at Loki. “We all practiced. For what we may find…yes. You?”

           “If I fail, they’ll condemn me. As if they already haven’t.”

           “You won’t.” I quirked my brow. "Just be Ava. Do the task they gave."

           “I’m not on your little team so that takes the pressure off.”

           “You could prove to be an important agent for us. You have a place in this.” I exhaled, glancing outside again.

           “It’s time,” Steve called and Loki kissed me before covering her face with a mask, eyes showing only. “First teams, get ready. Fly down. We might have the jump and if we do, it’ll be a good few minutes before this place comes to life. Is it full?” Steve asked me and I shook my head, searching.

           “It’s deep but rather lacking in souls.”

           “You all know what to do.” He turned on his heel.

           “Test.” I spoke into the earpiece, earning a round of nods. Thor rumbled next to me when Loki came to his side. Bruce and Peter joined me on my left.

           “I half expect Fandral to jump out and make a terrible joke.” Thor looked at me and I smiled while the jet’s back opened up to the frozen air.

           “Followed by his more genuine tones:  _take care, my lady._ ” I agreed.

           “He was always such a pain in the ass.” Loki added, sucking in her cheeks. “Or perhaps-”

           “No.” I put an end to whatever jest she was about to offer. “Thor, take care of my sweet.” Thor picked Loki up in his arms in response, stepping toward the opening.

           “Just drop me,” Loki groaned, gasping out and grabbing her brother when Thor jumped out. They disappeared in a flash of red.

           “Wait for the signal.” Steve was adjusting his shield and clipping his helmet in place.

           “What do we have, Hercules?” Tony’s voice was mechanical under his suit.

           “Two minutes from the target. Seven heavy vehicles. Nineteen or so mortals outside with artillery. Ava is with me, be on the lookout.”

           “You ready, Bruce?” I watched him shrug off his jacket and set his glasses into the pocket before dropping them aside with his heart monitor.

           “I’ve done this before,” he closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and opened them.

           “It’s time to let go.” I touched his neck and felt the Hulk claw under his skin. “Peter.”

           “Got it.” He let me take his hand while I looked over the edge. I saw the red of Thor’s cape before green light flashed over the entire area followed by a strike of lightning. Bullets lit up the darkened sky and Steve called to us.

           “Go!” We jumped and I held tight to Peter as Bruce curled up and splayed out, a roar erupted from his throat and the Hulk shifted his body apart.

           “The Hulk is out. I’ll get a better look at the facility, I see souls all over it but they’re sparse. Be on guard. They’re beginning to scramble.” Sunset lights swirled around my body as the Hulk crash landed before us.

           “Third team in pursuit.” Steve called. "Hill's calling."

           “Avengers. This facility is fifteen floors deep,” Maria joined us at last. “If they try to level it, you get out.”

           “Understood.” Steve replied in my ear while Peter and I landed beyond the trees. Webs launched him forward.

           “Thor, you need back up?” We broke into a sprint. The Hulk beat the ground behind us and leapt over into the fight. He picked up a tank and tossed it, destroying fences before another blasted a hole into the side of the building.

           “…No, we're good.”

           “West side.” Loki spoke as I charged into the air, Peter shot a web and flew forward behind me when I swung him with all my strength.

           “I’m inside. Hulk has the perimeter covered. ” We landed before a group of Hydra agents blew a door open.

           “Clear it.” Steve responded and I grinned, flying into an enemy feet first. Planting myself after, I ducked. Peter rolled his back across mine and sent the next into the wall, webs held them down.

           “Thirteen on our end,” I caught the weapon of one and bullets hit the ceiling above before I grabbed their neck and stole half the life from them. “Twelve. Not well armored. Decent weapons. Nine left on your end, Thor.”

           “Coming through!” Peter jumped into the stairway with one of their shields, tossing three men down the steps to knock them out. Lights blared while we fought through another group.

           “Alarms are going…” I trailed off but, they cut to silence.

           “Taken care of.” Natasha’s voice came next.

           “I got eyes on the Hulk,” Sam spoke. “He’ll be fine. Bucky’s in.”

           “Clint and I are three floors down. Keep up, Barnes.” Natasha mused as I jumped over the stairs with Peter following.

           “This facility is pitiful,” Loki commented while we went on. “Old. Get lower and you’re bound to find your spoils.”

           “Peter and I are eight floors down…I don’t feel anything yet. It’s clear above.”

           “Keep your focus,  _Psych_. Peter, you have eyes on her?” Tony asked, chaos behind his voice.

           “Yeah, we’re fine.” He watched me walk the dark hallway before I turned my head and kicked a door down. A scientist lifted a gun as I leapt over the computers and tackled them, hands pressing into their face while they screamed. They bled out and I absorbed their soul, Peter poked his covered face around the file cabinet. “Whoa…”

           “They die too quickly,” I huffed, “I barely get anything.” I remembered he was behind me and turned while he looked at the mangled face. “Sorry, I shouldn't...speak that way. This isn't Asgard.”

           “Cover me?” He swallowed, leaning over the monitors to plug a flash drive in. I knew his sentiments. Though I looked so young in age with him, he was on the cusp of college while I…I was murdering like it wasn’t that big a deal.

           “They’re trying to get out…the floor is empty.” I went to the doorway.

           “Hydra is going to blow the whole place, hurry.” Natasha spoke. “Oh, shit. I found…”

           “Tasha?” I asked before Peter gasped, standing.

           “You should see this. It has your name on it.” He pointed and I hurried over.

           “Natasha, what do you have?” Steve urged.

           “You all have six minutes. Get out soon, we’re overriding detonators and Tony can only slow them so much.” Maria spoke and I covered my lips.

           “Have a little faith, Director Hill.” Tony quipped.

           “That’s you. This file. It’s a sample. See the strand?” Peter gathered his breath.

           “It isn’t possible for Hydra to have anything like this on me unless they stole it from Stryker. But…”

           “The date. This is old. I can’t…” Peter smacked his hands on the desk before the computer shut off and he pulled the flash drive out. “Sorry, I got what I could. Someone is countering us from another location.”

           “We’re trying to track it,” Maria offered.

           “We’ll have to read over what we got later, let’s go.” I pulled him along with me. We got to the stairs and I grabbed him, flying up until we got out the opening where the Hulk was bringing a helicopter down. “Peter and I are out. We stole what we could. Natasha, what did you find?”

           “You won’t believe it. We’re coming up. Everyone else?”

           “They piled out quick,” Tony landed next to me as Sam glided over us, dropping Bucky.

           “We took care of them.” Sam adjusted his helmet. “Barnes stole a few hard drives worth.”

           "Show offs." Clint grunted into the earpiece.

           “Three minutes, get to the drop.” Maria spoke.

           “Natasha and Clint are on the other side with Thor and Ava,” I affirmed, “let’s go. Hulk!” He spun toward me and beat his fists on the ground. “Forest, go.” I ordered. Instantly, he was jumping away before the rest of us took off. The Hulk stumbled into the snow, slowing down. We got toward the jet so I stopped to help Bruce with Tony flocking to my side.

           “Come on, green bean.” He tugged and got pushed away by a shrinking green arm.

           “Bruce,” I settled my hand on his face, touching my fingers to his temple and my muscles ached when he shrunk into the snow, curling up in his shredded pants. Sam raced from the jet and tossed a large coat over Bruce’s frame while we helped him up into it. Bucky was starting the vehicle up before Natasha, Clint, Loki, and Thor hurried in and the back closed behind them. Loki yanked off her mask and huffed, tipping over into Peter when the jet jumped to life and Clint took control with Bucky.

           “Hill, we’re out.” Steve touched his ear.

           “Good work, bring what you got back to the tower, send it to us.” She was cut off when I pulled my earpiece out and worked to warm Bruce up as he shuddered. Sweaty and trembling.

           “You did well, took out most of them before I could,” I joked and he was calming down as I rubbed his arms.

           “How are you doing?” Peter came to his knee and wiped some blood from his cut lip, handing Bruce a bag of clothing.

           “I’ll be better when I’m not naked.” He scoffed, pulling his coat closer with the bag pressed to his chest.

           “You’re a talented boy,” I took Peter’s chin and kissed his cheek before I gave one to Bruce. “Steve gave me some fantastic partners.”

           “Hey, oh. We won. Drinks on me. Get Steve to spill about his date with Sharon Carter.” Tony pulled his helmet off.

           "Not a chance." Steve hid his smile before he paused as Natasha dropped something heavy behind me.

           “Oh shit.” Tony was awed. My heart dipped so I turned to see Loki’s lifeless scepter, rusting and damaged on the floor. Peter touched my shoulder and I looked up.

           “Where…did you find this?” I watched Natasha fall into a seat, rubbing her head.

           “Bottom floor. They had this mounted in the lab. Clearly, it was important once.”

           “She…” Loki was in awe, pushing past Thor to come to my side. “She took the stone, why would they still take this?”

           “Hydra had a file on her, looked like they destroyed half of their stuff when we got there…I couldn’t make it out.” Peter spoke when I couldn’t. “It looked like…”

           “My DNA. In D.C. when we were…” I was losing my breath. “They had me…he warned me. Pierce. He was so smug. The traitor. Natasha, you remember?”

           “Pierce was trying to manipulate you.”

           “He… No.” I shook and looked up at Loki, touching my stomach as I recalled the pain. “I took the stone, yes…but, you stabbed me with this blade.” I watched Loki’s eyes shine. “Stained and burned it with my blood. Was it possible…that they were able to recover even a sand grains worth of it…? I tossed it aside thinking I’d saved everyone. I was so confident. They didn’t get the stone but they still… Whatever Nerien put in me. What if they studied that instead?”

           “Meaning…” Tony was realizing it as they all did.

           “They had me the whole time.” I felt my lip quiver, pressing my teeth. “Everything I did was in vain.”

           “Not everything.” Natasha offered while Bruce and Peter tried to comfort me.  I covered my eyes and let hair fall into my face. Loki didn’t try to come to me, turning to separate herself from the rest of us. Shame overcame her soul, colors diminished to nothing.

           “Hey. This mission wasn’t a failure. We're winning.” Steve kneeled down. “We’re going to stop them. Whatever they’re up to. We’re opening up the files the second we get back. They didn’t get the stone.”

           “Maybe they never needed the stone.” I heaved for more air when it didn’t come.

           “Steve’s right,” Sam added. “We open up the files, see what we’re up against. Can’t panic yet. Hey, you did good. All right?” Bucky clasped his hands and fell into a chair next to Natasha, silent.

           “We do not know what they have yet,” Thor offered, peering at Loki.

           “I practically handed her over,” Loki pushed Thor back when he tried to comfort her. “It is all my fault.”

           “Yes…” I was numb, eyes lifting when the moment was familiar. “Mine as well.” I breathed and stared at the scepter with a knowing glint. “I need to talk to him.”

           “Sweetheart…?” Loki craned her neck to see me when I lifted my hand and she panicked. “No! Don’t let her!” Her voice cut over as I touched the scepter and an electric shock zapped my spine. “Back off her!” Loki yanked Peter aside when I screamed in front of them and my spine bent back unnaturally. Sparks covered my body, electrifying every inch of magic within. Steve pushed everyone away and the air changed around me. “Release it!” Loki ordered, tugging the scepter but I wasn’t letting up. “Thor, help me!” I was gathered in Loki’s arms, falling against her shoulder and Thor yanked the scepter from my grasp but it was too late. I woke against molten rocks cutting into my skin and a smile that chilled my bones.

** **

           Loki tried to hold the flailing limbs down against her body. She kicked and struggled with her eyes closed.

           “Hold her legs down!” She raged and everyone hesitated. “Look, in this state, she’ll take the entire plane down, now hold her legs!” Thor shifted first and Tony helped with the strength in his gauntlets.

           “What happened to her?” Bucky came over, taking her shoulders while Loki held her tight.

           “Objects of bloody importance, she thinks she’s so damn clever,” Loki held back tears, gritting her teeth. “I am here.” Everyone watched as a pale hand came to rest along the side of her wife’s face, lips pressed to her opposite cheek in a way that was truly affectionate. “Let her go, she’s relenting.”

           “What now, Dasher?” Tony’s brow came together.

           “We wait until she wakes.” Thor guessed and Loki corrected him.

           “Until  _he_  pushes her back.”

** ** **

           “Is it true?” I came to Thanos’ throne, feeling bold when he stood feet taller than me.

           “What are you referring to?” He passed so I followed, not at all afraid. I was surprised to see him so utterly alone here. He'd waited for me to come.

           “Your little Nazi pets. The scepter. You have part of what you’ve wanted now. You covet the mind stone. But...you also want what came before it. Nerien.”

           “Distasteful pawns.” Thanos crossed one arm behind his back and looked out at the galaxy ahead of us. We were old friends sharing a view. “They serve a purpose but, I shall move on to something better. Such is the path of us both.”

           “I’m not like you.” I swallowed. “This whole time, I thought you needed me but you’ve had that piece from the start.”

           “Oh, but, I do need you. For now, I've the piece not the conductor. It will all tumble in place. Soon.” He came to me, touching one finger under my chin and I lifted effortlessly to his height. My eyes sparkled when he looked so deeply into them. "There you are."

           “What do you want from me, if not just my blood?” I tried to move and he showed me his teeth.

            “You don’t know yet. Good. You deserve a bit of agony from the sheer fact of remaining left outside the loop. It’s happening, slowly. Little by little, you’re letting me seep inside. Soon, I shall pour into your being while you scorch the Earth with blood and it shall be every bit your fault. You will take the hand offered and I will proudly wield you. All of you. But, I’ve tired of you for now. Come later when you’re feeling a little more generous toward me.” His finger poked my chest and I was sent falling back into Loki’s arms, heaving for air like I’d just been drowning. Yanking from Loki, I fell to my side coughing and gasping until Thor touched my shoulder. Ashes misted my tongue and then they were gone.

           “She’s all right, give her some air,” Tony was speaking and my lips curled when I looked to Thor and Loki, eyes bright orange and black. “I’m locking that glow stick up once we get back to the tower.”

            Loki uttered my name but said no more. So, I hissed.

           “I can’t wait until I devour every piece of Thanos’ soul.”

** ** **

           “Lover’s quarrel?” Tony turned when I entered the dim lab. He was underdressed and working on a suit with a pair of goggles on his head.

           “Loki went straight to sleep on the couch. Doesn’t wish to discuss it yet. I got an hour before I gave up. I see you made good to lock away that dead scepter… Either way. How well did you sleep?”

           “Two hours.” He turned and I joined him, watching while he screwed a piece on what looked like a half-built leg.

           “You woke to a panic attack. I felt it from where I was.” I settled my arms on the worktable and he didn’t reply. “Did Fury get back to Steve?”

           “Kind of.” Tony shrugged. “He seemed happy with what we got. If Fury has that mode in him. Didn’t trace the counter hackers because there was no center. Probably Thanos.” I smirked a little in response, nodding to agree. “You seem chipper for a sleep deprived Asgardian being haunted by an evil titan. Pass me that screwdriver, kid, I’m putting you to work if you want to stay in here.”

           “We all have problems.” I set my jaw on my hand and slid the tool next to him. “Is it so easy to forget I’m much older than you even if I look  _nineteen_ as the mortals say? Not even that conversion makes total sense to me. Though, it was similar in Asgard. I'm young there too. Always playing catch up with my friends.”

           “Helps when you use magic to enter the third dimension or whatever it is you’re doing.” Tony peeked his eyes up to stare into mine and picked up the screwdriver. “What is it he said to you?”

           “He confirmed he was working with them. They had me. I practically gave them what they needed and still I’m not sure what his damn play is. He visits me most nights, I should have a lead by now.”

           “You won’t like it.” Tony turned the leg over and I huffed.

           “Yes, I know.” I looked behind him and craned my neck. “Is that an espresso machine?”

           “Have at it,” he cocked his head and I hopped up, gleefully hurrying over to start it. Tony’s chuckle caught while he watched me and turned away, answering my question. “Yes, I forget. You look like you should be going to college, studying whatever floats your boat. You should be going to the damn movies and seeing therapists to diagnose whatever personality disorder or two you got. Damn it…Peter’s taller than you and he’s seventeen now. You have scars all over your wrists. The two on your face always grab attention. Got hair I’m sure would have been the envy by everyone at your prom. Look like you should be getting scholarships and living the dream. Harry Osborn… CEO pushed out. He's eighteen now and mutated beyond recognition. You’d never know he was the pretty boy. He could have met you at some party and dated you and no one would question it. But you dote on the younglings like their mother. Help mutants escape to freedom. Back talk titans trying to blow the universe up. Pretend to date princes to avoid a beating from your own people. Marry pasty supervillains who shapeshift between genders... Psyche is a name that puts it lightly. I wasn’t prepared for Thor when he came to Earth. But, I really wasn’t prepared for you and your whole…face.”

           “Neither was Asgard.” I admitted, pressing buttons. Tony and I found such a common ground. “Your heart is picking up.”

           “They do that.” He pulled his goggles off and rubbed his head before continuing. “You have a habit of not blinking for long periods of time and, frankly, that creeps people out.” I joined him with two cups and set one close to his seat, away from his work. Tony picked it up once I’d sat back down.

           “Do I unsettle you so, Anthony?”

           “No,” he shook his head. “You make me question what the hell I’m even doing. You make me and everyone else more…curious, I guess, and that bothers them all. Bothered me once but I’m  _evolved_.” I snickered at him, sipping my drink delicately before I stood and closed the gap between us. My fingers slipped along the edge of the desk while I came to sit next to him, pressing my hands along the surface and raising them to cover the room in holograms he had idly going in the background of his work. Tony watched me illuminate the area in the Earth’s solar system before I sighed.

           “Beautiful and vast…this realm. Ugly as well. Sometimes, I am reminded of my own… I spent years of my life studying under Loki and I barely breached into his magical specialties. You know, I am not a very talented illusionist, I’ve realized. Unless, I am inside both mind and soul.” I settled my hand into my lap to watch the worlds spin briefly but stood to face him. He just looked up at me and reclined when my hand lifted. “I want to show you something. May I?”

           "...Yes?" Tony’s sigh hitched up when I touched his temple and he didn’t pull away.

           "Alright?"

           “Gentle,” he hissed and I pressed my lips up. The worlds swirled around us, floating lights from his tech expanded into something new and golden. “ _Gah!”_ Tony fell from his stool when it disappeared. “Where are we?”

           “Inside my head. Inside yours as well. Joined together for a common vision.” I turned from him. “Asgard.” I paused, looking at the sun. “No, this isn’t right.” I lifted my hand, closing my fist to snuff out the light before snow rushed past us both. Tony was on his hands and knees still and I cocked my head. “You may want to take two steps back.”  Instantly, he scrambled backwards and got to his feet before a body crash landed wearing an elegant dress that flowed like rivers around her. “Let’s call this one my prom. Note the gown.”

           “Shit!” Tony huffed and looked up at the cliff. I watched and recalled the way I’d screamed and tasted blood. The battle above me. The fall. Nerien. I felt his claws dig into my chest and sighed outward.

           “Yes, my hair was envied. Red like fire. Red like blood. I was prey to them all. Even those who loved me at times. Even by the one who gave me this power.” I puffed a little while my old self stared at the broken world with wide eyes. “By the time my world had changed forever, I’d already seen thousands of battles over. Nursed hundreds of warriors in the healing room. Fallen in love with a prince.”

           “You look about the same.” I felt Tony’s thoughts change and let the scene follow him into heat and sand. He was a few years younger and still somewhat reckless. A bomb blasted shrapnel into his chest. “I was so damn proud of myself. The demonstration would have doubled Stark Industries growth. Why are you showing me this?”

           “You’re showing it to me,” I corrected, stepping across Tony’s past self while he bled out. I waved my hand and he followed me into Asgard once more, looking around.

           “You guys compensating for…anything?”

           “No, our architects are of the finest quality. This palace has stood for lifetimes, layered up piece by piece with passing rulers. Yet, I’ve only seen one. Still it takes my breath away. Much like you, we built our world from nothing.” We walked the hallways I’d strutted down so many times. “I did not attend a college,” I pointed and Tony stopped next to me. The past me was marching the path with the advisers behind her and Odin at her side. “I was groomed. First by my parents. Then by our Queen. The elf came next. But, our advisers…I was their little princess turned weapon after I took the stone. Look at the intimacy of the conversation with Odin. No other warrior got such treatment. Not even Thor most days. The advisers a few steps behind us. During this year, my counsel was the only one to reach Odin's ears truly, even if he says different.”

           “That’s the King? Thor’s father?” Tony nudged my arm and I nodded. Thor’s frame faded through us and Tony jerked back. _"Ick!"_ I watched my former self flock to him after leaving her keepers, glancing back to ensure they were looking when she kissed Thor deeply on the lips. He picked her up and returned it with similar vigor. “Ugh…that looks…real?”

           “Sometimes, it felt that way. We played our parts well, it got worse after the stone.” I peered at Tony and he made a face. “Loki knew. I ensured it. It wasn’t just love. It wasn’t just revenge. It was…necessary. On my part… This way. My mind is restless, give me a moment so I can show you what I need to before you have a panic attack.”

           “Look, I’m not sure if reenacting  _The Christmas Carol_  is…” Tony trailed off when the world darkened around us, smoke changed the air.

           “You recognize this world, yes?” I paused. “Your heart is picking up again. I need to show you what I saw because you’ve been here in body and soul. You're the only human who understands in truth. The magnitude. It haunts you and takes the breath from your lungs. Shakes that composure you value so. You know I’m telling the truth…I know it’s difficult to understand me but, please…” I closed my eyes to inhale with sharp force before the bodies spread out around me.

           “Hey, it’s…” Tony touched his chest, briefly covering the soft light echoing from it. “Shit.” He hissed, surveying the death and destruction around us. Kneeling by Steve, Tony’s hand merely went through his face before he stood. “We lost.”

           “We could.” I breathed and he looked up at me. I felt him reaching panic and tugged us out, Tony yelped when I pulled away. Catching his arms, I yanked him up so he didn’t fall and held his face to calm him.

           “ _Suit_ ,” he pulled at me but I held his arms.

           “Tony.” I soothed. “We’re safe. You see? Look at my eyes.” Shaking, he did and I released him which caused him to step away. “These aren’t episodes brought on by paranoia. You’re as afraid as I am. You see that portal in your dreams. That world survived and it’s growing stronger…along with his influence on this earth. I can’t even sleep anymore. Thanos has me and he will come for the rest of you if I cannot hold him back. I take souls and I grow stronger and he seems...happy. I need to beat him. I need to be strong enough to kill him...to save everyone."

           "You're plenty strong, Psych."

           "But...I want more. So much more. I cannot stand it some days and I vibrate with such...desire. A desire I've finally learned to touch. I want more, Tony. I know that I should not. It grows by the hour." I closed my eyes. "Maybe, I...I am just young. Still playing catch up. I see it now. But, Thanos... Do you see?” He stared past me into nothingness before finally looking to my face, setting his jaw while he nodded once and sniffed.

           “Guess, you’ll just have to hang out here with me. Suits need a lot of work.” He shrugged as if to be nonchalant and turned, picking up his mug to down the contents. Tony Stark was truly empathetic. “Show me how you get into my files so easily and there might be more espresso in it for you.” I pressed my lips with a smile and rolled my eyes.

           “I will consider your offer, my friend.” I paused, heart lifting when he beamed brighter. "Thank you."

** ** **

           “Press X,” Natasha pointed as I pushed into Clint with a controller in my hand.

           “I am!” I laughed while Clint’s character beat mine to a pulp.

           “They don’t have this in Asgard.” He joked and I shot him a flat look as he won, setting his hands up.

           “We do it for real, want to spar me now?” I dropped my controller next to me.

           “Hard pass, I still have bruises from last time,” Clint lifted his sleeve and I flicked the faded bruise. “Ouch! You’re salty you lost.”

           “I am not lacking in sodium but I’m quite fine with losing.” I crossed my arms and Natasha laughed behind me. “Teach me another game.” I rubbed my arms and shifted to stand by the fake fireplace. “The tower’s frozen today.” Natasha slipped into my seat and picked up my controller. “Avenge me in this virtual world.”

           “Gladly.” She pressed play and kicked Clint’s controller under the couch.

           “Hey!” He hurried to grab it while she smacked at his unmoving character. By the time he’d grabbed it, she’d  _KO’d_  his player and I chuckled before joining them once more in an empty chair. “Rematch.”

           “I’ll just beat you again.” She scoffed as I crossed my legs to let Naaki jump into my lap when she bounded in the room.

           “New sweater,” Natasha noted as my cat licked her chops and settled on my legs so I could pet her.

           “She’s contented in it.” We paused when the elevator opened and Thor came in, holding a bunch of bags with Tony, Sam, and Steve behind him.

           “Food,” Thor set what smelled like Thai food down and I hopped up to come to his side after Naaki jumped out of my lap to paw at Sam until he picked her up. “Has Loki come to you?”

           “Hasn’t spoken since yesterday. Slept on the couch. Hid in the bath. You?” I pressed my lips and nudged him to lift his spirits.

           “He hasn’t talked to me either.” Thor agreed.

           “They’re sending us the files for the next drop tomorrow.” Sam came around the counter and let Naaki down.

           “So soon?” I wondered.

           “Guess we’re on a winning streak,” Tony was unpacking small boxes. “Mostly, they know Hydra is scrambling. Food should still be good, we took forever because a certain Captain took two years picking what he wanted until I had to order for him. Some people around here think it’s okay to be frozen for seventy years and still dick around with time.”

           “Who drove around an extra twenty minutes because they couldn’t pick a place from the start? Was that me, Tony?” Steve grinned and Tony shot him a flat glance. “I did let him order for me, I’ll give him that.”

           “Sam, pick out Steve’s tux for our wedding, yeah?” Tony jested.

           “Frills or sleek, Rogers?” Sam asked. “Oh, wait, Tony… Steve had a good date with an agent.”

           “I’ll fight her for him.” Tony countered and Steve was beet red.

           “Natasha filled me in, Steve, I hear you’re a bit of a charmer now.” I winked.

           “Nat!” Steve turned and she shrugged.

           “Girl talk.”

           “Jarvis, get everyone else down here,” Tony spoke before we could continue and I smirked at my friends when he set a box in front of me. “For the walking stick giving you the cold shoulder upstairs. I’m not a therapist but I bet he feels bad for screwing you over. I don’t know, maybe not. We’ll see.”

           “Thank you, Tony.” I sighed, deliberate. “I think I’ll take mine up too, I need to talk with him. Steve, I expect to hear all about your second date when it inevitably happens.” I nodded and Thor handed me a few more boxes. Steve rubbed his eyes and groaned as I passed him. “Come, Naaki.” Obediently, she followed me up the stairs and I used magic to click the door open. Loki was seated on the balcony in nothing but a towel while snow coated him. “Loki! Get inside.” He snapped his head toward me with red eyes that faded green. “Inside.” I set boxes along our table and sniffed his to ensure it wasn’t spicy before setting it down. “Eat.” Behind me, Loki let his half frozen towel drop and put on some clean underwear.

           “Staying here?” He looked at the wall when I met his gaze.

           “I find it enjoyable to eat dinner with my husband once in a while.”

           “Don’t pretend-”

           “You didn’t know. Neither did I.” I shook my head. “Food’s warm.” Naaki rubbed against him in her sweater and got into her bed to play with a toy. “We can’t change it, we have to keep moving. We have to keep working at this. You did well on that mission, you know? I’m proud of you.” Loki muffled a scoff and blinked a few times, sniffling.

           “Food’s going to get cold,” he swallowed and joined me at the table as I sat down. Hesitating, Loki took a bite and peeked up to see my eyes finally.

           “Wasn’t so hard, was it?” I offered him a light smile.

           “Getting easier.” He sighed and took my hand, regret whirled to dance with anger but affection still touched the horizon. “What do we do?”

           “Today? There isn’t much to be done. We await orders.” I watched him smooth his thumb over my hand. “Tomorrow, you should start talking with Thor. You’ll regret it more if you do not. For now, we could eat and wash out our mouths because you get all squirmy when I kiss or go down on you after eating spicy food-”

           “I do not.”

           “-then I’ll let you fuck me on the surface of your choice until we feel a fraction better.” I shrugged, pulling my hand from him to eat and Loki swallowed.

           “Might take a while.”

           “Are you planning on aging this millennia?” I went on and he shook his head, eyes wide. “Thought so.”

** ** **

           “The couch?” I rolled my eyes when I left the bathroom.

           “Sweetheart, I can make it exciting in any setting,” he curled his fingers at me until I got into his lap, straddling his legs so he could bring me down for a kiss. “And you wore that little dress I enjoy.” Loki toyed with the zipper down my front and instead squeezed my hips, rubbing along my thighs through my leggings. I reached behind him and turned the television on to put some noise in the room.

           “Don’t want us to be heard.” I cupped Loki’s face to feel the lingering heat in his soul and kissed him again.

           “What if I want us to be heard?” He said, shifting down my neck while he pulled me forward by the small of my back. “You’re overdressed.”

           “Well, I wasn’t sitting half-naked in the snow.” I countered, moaning. He suckled my neck before digging his teeth into my skin. Finger delved into his hair while he teased the zipper down with his teeth now, pulling fabric aside to expose my breasts. My nipples grew hard against his mouth. Loki planted long kisses against my skin to leave pink marks all over it. “Loki.” I sighed, eyes closing when I felt his shaft twitch between my legs. Quicker, I got up and pulled my leggings and panties off so Loki sat back breathless before I crawled into his lap once more. He shimmied to get his briefs off so I could sink down on his cock, clothing hanging loosely. We locked eyes mid thrust, leaning in before someone knocked on the door.

           “ _Fuck_ …” Loki growled as I was abrupt to get off him and go to the door, tugging at my clothing.

           “Yes?” I shuddered.

           “It’s me,” Thor replied and I winced.

           “Oh…” I heaved but Loki was against me again, kissing my neck and pawing until I braced myself against the wall next to the locked door to the hall area.

           “Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked. “Is Loki there?”

           “Um…” I bit my lip when Loki’s hands cupped my breasts to twist my nipples at the same time. “Um, yes, he’s…still finishing up. I’m about to change, it’s just…too…too cold today. I’ll only be a  _mo_ …moment.”

           “I can wait.” Thor responded and I huffed but Loki’s hand slipped between my legs and I cast a silent gasp. He was relentless, fingers inside me while he worked my clit.

            "Oh, ah, okay. I'll go...get him." I tried. Loki growled and spun me around, pushing me against the wall so he could hold me up with his body. A hand covered my lips tightly as he leaned down to bite into my breast, tongue working the stiff bud before he tortured the other.

           “I am here, Thor.” He was nonchalant while arousal dripped between his fingers. “Still eating my dinner. She’s changing into something warm, what did you require?”

           “…Are you well?”

           “I’m…reaching that direction. We’ve spoken about it,” Loki replied, licking from my chest to my jaw. I gripped to him, desperate, and muffled a whine into his hand, causing his fingers to press into me.

           “Well, they wish to have the both of you in fifteen minutes or so. We’re gathering again to talk about this next mission. Fury is eager.”

           “I imagine so, I’ll let her know when she’s good and finished,” Loki pressed against me when I began to come. “We’ll both be down. It’s been a trying day.” Quivering, I would have collapsed if Loki wasn’t pressed so tight to my body.

           “I’ll see you both then…” Thor trailed off and footsteps carried before Loki yanked me up by my knees to shove inside me.

           “ _Ah_ , I’m still coming,” I felt it grip me and clung to his body while he fucked me eagerly into the wall.

           “Yes, I feel it,” Loki moaned into my neck.

           “I hate you.” I chanted in a high pitched squeal. “I hate you.  _Fuck_.” Loki shrugged and pressed his lips to mine, amused at me.

           “Somehow, I cannot feel that.”

** ** **

           “We’re late, sorry…” I hurried in with Loki all too pleased behind me. I slid into a chair next to Bruce and my husband lingered as I fixed my sweater around my shoulders. Everyone, including Peter, had been waiting and I felt a little mortified when Tony spoke, eyeing the marks I failed to hide on my skin.

           “All right, I guess it’s up to me to make the joke, yet again, you bunch of freeloaders so-”

           “No,” I pointed and everyone jerked their heads away from me. “I will wear your tongue around my neck as a trophy.”

           “You’re really opening up possibilities for me here,  _Psych_.” He tilted his head, shoulders dropping. Thor shot Loki a look of disbelief, earning a devious smile in return before Natasha stood up.

           “Anyways,  _children_ , the lovely Sharon dropped this off for us.” She clicked on the screen to show a round of images. “This next facility is massive. Heavily guarded and cut off. You get the idea. We can’t smash in and out.” I swerved to get into Tony’s face before he could make a joke, yet again. He closed his mouth and huffed, standing.

           “You’re killing me with the opening for improv,” Tony groaned, patting my shoulder as he moved to bring up a hologram of the building. “Natasha is on it. This is the basic layout. Eleven floors down. Eight up. Wide perimeter.”

           “Thor and the Hulk will secure it after we’re inside. Tony and Sam will monitor up high as well. Everyone else, inside. We need our spies in working for as long as we can before the alarms start.” Steve crossed his arms. “This is a big one, guys.“

           “Think we need some backup?” Natasha shrugged. “Fantastic Four? X-Men?”

           “Sue's team, maybe. X-Men won’t agree. It isn’t their fight,” Bruce shrugged and Tony locked eyes with me.

           “Not for long.” He swallowed and I nodded.

           “What do you mean?” Thor spoke.

           “Through Hydra, Thanos knows exactly what Project Insight once offered.” I stood, hands clasped. “The location of any and all who could oppose him, except he’s seen across the branches of Yggdrasil. If one thing is clear, it is that all of us must stick together. They need to know. I think I need to make a trip out.”

           “Take some of the team, Jarvis is tired.” Tony pointed. “Rest of us will contact Reed.”

           “Any of you are free to join me, except Steve.” I paused.

           “That’s how it is?” He set his hands on his hips.

           “Steve, we all love you but you come off a little…” I blew air out my lips and grew flat. “Scott Summers does dislike you, I’m sorry and I hate to say this to your incredibly handsome face because you have this wounded pup look… _Ah_ , there it is.” Bucky leaned in next to my shoulder to see Steve’s expression.

           “Damn Steve, she pegged you.” He cocked his head, eyes narrowing.

           “I do not have that look,” Steve scoffed, “but, you have a point.”

           “I’ll go.” Bucky nodded and Natasha stepped up.

           “I’ll drive, Tony, you want to lend us something nice?”

           “Not really.” He huffed, before gesturing. “All aboard, train’s leaving.”

           “Watch my cat while I’m out, please.” I requested, going toward the door.

           “Loki and I will go as well,” Thor followed behind me, Loki shifted into Ava halfway down the stairs before locking hands with me.

           “Take the big one,” Tony lifted a set of keys and Natasha snatched them away. “Come back in one piece, maybe?”

           “We have your numbers,” Thor patted Tony’s cheek and we piled in. Natasha and Bucky up front while I sat between Thor and Loki in back. “We worked rather well with them last time.”

           “The weather woman zapped my suit.” Tony countered at the window.

           “Well, you had that coming,” Natasha rolled up her window before he could retort. “Buckle up, kids.”

           “Did you guys ruin the relations I worked so hard to build?” I asked while she pulled out as Bucky fiddled with the radio and air conditioning.

           “They tried.” She spoke in jest. “No, you did well.”

           “Met some wonderful people.” I smiled. Bucky changed Tony’s rock music to oldies tunes and set my head on Loki’s shoulder.

           “Tired?” Loki mused. “You should sleep here while you can.” Natasha and Bucky chatted in quiet tones when I yawned.

           “Don’t let me stay asleep if I fall.” We got on the road, melted slush covered the streets. Thor pulled his jacket off and put it over my shoulders, patting my back. “Do you buffoons remember when it snowed in Asgard? We were in that room with the fire pit and you both were trying to get the fire going. Loki cast a spell that ended up being too strong. Burned off Thor’s eyebrows in a poof of flames because he was so close. Odin was so upset.” I laughed and Thor followed while Loki suppressed a smile.

           “Wasn’t a horrible look on him,” Loki adjusted to ease my head into her lap while Thor brought my legs up.

           “Can’t sleep,” I whined, yawning. “I like this music.”

           “I hope Stark does when he uses this car,” Bucky snickered. It was nice to see him grow more comfortable with us; bonds began to build and flourish. 

           “I like this. The team. We’re happy, aren’t we? Trying to be.” I snuggled to get comfortable. “We’re friends. Real friends. We can laugh with a fraction of ease and share pain that doesn’t always come to the front. Did you ever think we’d be in that tower? Eating together and failing at video games because some people cheat. Joking while Steve and Tony fall deeper into a pit of married couple. Resentment is fading. Connections lost have been found. We’ll never forget these moments together.”

           “Isn’t she cute?” Natasha remarked.

           “Get some sleep,” Bucky reached back to pull Thor’s coat up my shoulder with his mechanical digits. “We’ll keep watch.” Loki settled a hand on my head to coax me deeper as Bucky pulled away but my hand clasped around his pointer finger. He left it there and Thor’s reassurance was the last thing I heard.

           “We’ll cover you, sleep well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one continues! Thanks so much!!


	34. Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued from last! Teams come together when the next Hydra facility brings forth new realizations while they scramble for a weapon from a mysterious source. Thanos' planning starts to fall into place with horrific insights. The Lady's desire for strength begins to bleed out as new things come back and souls connect together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for flawed characters fucking up majorly from all sides and dirty laundry coming to light. Also, warning for heavy gore and mental breaks.

           Thanos’ patience was razor thin and yet he was willing to persist.

           I remembered my stepfather. The way we played. The way I became so perfect and ugly under his watch.

           Lying there at the bottom of Thanos’ throne, I felt him rest his foot atop my back and spit blood across the ground.

           No, I wasn’t here.

           “You’re scared and desperate,” I uttered, my body was ripped up by his hands instead of magical forces. I was calm. He was nothing today. “You’re terrified because the Norns know…there is a flicker of a chance…that you will fail.” He struck me. “I’ve seen their faces. I’ve seen death’s eyes. I’m the only being to survive such an experience. They chose me. They won’t offer you the same. Ah, there it is, jealousy. How utterly _human.”_ The punch swelled my sinuses, tossing me back against the grainy landscape. “Even now, Death shakes her head and scolds you because you interfere with her careful work. With the perfect design of this broadening world. She  _despises_ you. She jokes about you in my ears.” My ribs broke under his stomp. I felt nothing. “You’re just a man trying to compensate because you’re ignored. Beat me if it helps you sleep at night, but you shall wake and remember the way you got lost in my eyes as many have before you. The fear that they might be the last you ever see.”

           “You crumble under the weight of dying stars. The lost and broken god. They'll use you up until you're malfunctioning. And you will beg me to fix you. Until that time, you'll never be strong enough to save their souls. You think the mortals are apprehensive because of me? Delve deeper and realize your greatest fears.” Thanos picked me up by the waist and dropped me over the edge of the platform. Lunging awake, I had both hands gripping at Bucky’s arm, ready to squeeze and crush the metal.

           “Hey, you’re safe,” he’d offered while my friends added soothing tones to match. Careful to release him, I sat up and smoothed my hair down before I stole some gum from Loki’s purse. My sigh was tight but I calmed. I touched my chest and felt the bones intact as Loki tucked some hair behind my ear.

           “ _Hm?”_ I realized she was speaking.

           “I asked if you’re alright.”  

           “Yes.” I pulled Thor’s coat from my shoulder and smiled when I gave it back. “Thank you.”

           “Few minutes out,” Natasha turned a corner. “Think they’ll help? They have their hands full as it is.”

           “We ask, we’ll have our answer.” I sat back. “I keep thinking about Octavius and Harry Osborn. We have to get Harry out of that suit.”

           “Agents went into Oscorp and got escorted out because they didn’t have a warrant.” Natasha shook her head. “They’re locked tight. We’ll get back in. Not legally. Supers are spread thin. The government is starting to not trust us and evil titans are threatening the Earth. There is no proper authority for this. We're all they have and they can't stand it. Some people are never happy, you know?”

           “Should have just destroyed this world when I had the chance,” Loki muttered without looking up from her black fingernails.

           “Don’t bond with me,” Natasha went on. “Never had a chance.”

           “Don’t play coy, Romanoff. I amuse you.”

           “That I won’t fight.” Natasha smirked. “I smile every time I see that broken floor up in Avengers Tower.”

           “There,” I pulled my seatbelt off and leaned between Nat and Bucky. “We’re not too late,” I watched lights dance along the mansion. “I recognize many of them within.”

           “You can see all the way from here?” Bucky inquired and I shrugged.

           “It isn’t too far.” We stopped at the gate and Natasha rolled down the window to gain entry through an intercom when a hand smoothed up the back of my thigh over my bottom. “Quit.” I muttered, swiping Loki away when she smiled sweetly. Thor leaned back to ensure I didn’t think it was him. The gates opened and I was two seconds from crawling over Thor or Loki when we parked. Hurrying up the wheelchair ramp toward the school, I knocked and clicked my heels. “I see you looking, Scott, I assume Reed Richards was here. Please, open the door.” There was a beat and a huff before it swung back and I smiled. “We have business to discuss.”

           “You, yes. Them, I’m not sure.”

           “Is Lady Storm around?” Thor leaned over me with a bright grin and Scott scoffed before swinging the door back so we could come out of the cold.

           “Professor is finishing up something,” he crossed his arms. “We’re not agreeing to any accords.”

           “Nor should you, we don’t want them either.” I eased. “The risks are too great. The Avengers would like to extend a hand for the company of the X-Men once more. File?” I turned and Bucky passed it over. “The Fantastic Four may also join us. It’s big. Hydra. I can explain better if Charles Xavier or Jean Grey are willing to let me.” Scott was looking into my eyes through this red glasses before he sighed and turned.

           “Wait here.” He took the file and we lingered, glancing around as a few students eyed us from the doorways of attached rooms. A teen girl called my name and I turned when she embraced me, laughing when I squeezed her.

           “Jubilee!” I pulled back. “How are you?”

           “Getting used to things here.” She set her hand on his hips.

           “Who is this child?” Loki leaned toward me.

           “I was homeless. In some trouble with a couple of second rate rent-a-cops at the mall and she helped me out.” Jubilee gestured. “Kurt talks about you a lot.”

           “Is he around?”

           “He’s everywhere,” she joked and I nodded when Logan appeared at the top of the stairs.

           “Hey, you’re back.” He came down with an unlit cigar in his hand. “Shouldn’t you be getting to bed?” He peered down at the teen and she huffed a little.

           “Send my love to the others,” I touched her back and nodded when she hurried off. “Logan, hi-Darwin!” I jumped up and Logan scoffed as I embraced my friend when he appeared around a corner.

           “Shacking back up in that tower?” He peered around me to see my friends, moving to greet them. Loki swept her eyes up and down his form and smirked before checking Logan out next.

           “You didn’t tell me you were in contact with this many handsome men.”

           “Not here.” I swallowed, passing her and Thor made a face at me, eyes wide before I snickered. “Staying out of trouble, Logan?”

           “Assumptions.” He quirked one brow and I pressed my lips with a smile.

           “I was not expecting guests at this hour,” Charles rolled down the hallway with Scott, Ororo, and Jean at his side.

           “Whichever one of you is trying to get into my brain, have some patience. I might give you the chance.” I stood in front of my friends. “We have a problem and I don’t believe they’ve been entirely truthful with you. About Hydra, I mean. I’d like to offer you the details. We’re going to need all the assistance we can get and you should be aware, spread the word with your allies.”

           “Come, we’ll meet in my office.” Charles led us all off into a separate room, the door locked behind us. “Please have a seat, cold night.” I stayed standing and caught both him and Jean eyeing Loki but they said nothing when I came forward.

           “I would like to offer one or both of you sight into my mind so I can show you what we’re really up against because it’s going to affect all of us. We need your help.”

           “Show me and I can relay the message.” Charles responded and I nodded, exhaling to focus myself. Staring down at my palm, I hesitated but reached out with shaken fingers while my friends watched. “It’s alright to let go,” he offered and I furrowed my brow before he took my hand. We flooded the entire room until I felt nothing else so I pressed my free fist against my lips as tears came into my eyes. Charles was calm but I felt a weight within him. His thumb smoothed over my hand as I looked away from him to the window and he set my hand on his temple. Visions danced and flashed and burned while I hissed and pulled back so he released me. “ _Logan_.” Charles warned. I slipped backwards in a daze, everyone stood up in a rush but Logan hooked his bulky arms under mine to stop me from hitting the floor like a plank. “Take her out onto the balcony for air, I’d like to speak with the rest of you. You did well.” Logan got my arm around his neck and helped me out while I waved my friends off.

           “Fine,” I breathed, licking my lips. “I’m fine.” We rounded a corner and went outside

           “Got it?” He waited until I nodded before letting me lean against the stone rail.

           “Yes, thank you.” I responded, breathless as he lit up his cigar and blew smoke away from me.  _There was so much pain._  “It’s been an interesting year.” I stood taller and leaned back to watch his face observe mine. “Has your team made any headway?”

           “I like to think so. Knocked over a lot of labs. Freed some mutants before they could be finished off.” He shrugged. “Won’t do us any good if Stryker is still in the government’s ear.”

           “Remembering things, I see.” I held my coat close. “Your soul looks different from when we first met.”

           “I have clothes on.” He rubbed his temple with his thumb and puffed before offering it to me.

           “I’ve never…no thank you,” I shook my head while I glanced up at the stars and pressed my mouth to exhale. I stared back at Logan to see him looking at me already. “People are going to die, Logan.”

           “We’re not going to let that happen.” He sounded certain, staring into my eyes even now before the door opened.

           “They’re going to lend aid. Good job.” Natasha spoke with Loki behind her. Logan snuffed his cigar out and tossed it into the trash before going in. Loki admired his bottom as he passed and came to take my arm.

           “Let’s get you rested.”

** ** **

           “Pepper, have you come to partake in espresso?” I waved from the tall cabinet I was seated upon, one leg hung off.

           “Figured I’d find you both here. It’s early.” She crossed her arms.

           “She sits up there like some lab gargoyle, drinks all the espresso, and passes me tools with magic. You just can’t get help like this anymore.” Tony remarked and I grinned, waving my hand so a cup would float to Pepper. “That was supposed to be mine.”

           “You’ll get the next one, have a little patience.” I shifted the stack of books next to me aside so I wouldn’t knock them over.

           “Thanks,” she lifted the cup to me and I nodded. “Did either of you sleep at all?”

           “I didn’t. Tony passed out over his work for four hours. Drooling.”

           “You watched me sleep?” Tony muttered.

           “I played in your tech.” I shrugged.

           “He does that.” Pepper agreed. “Sometimes I have to move his stuff so he doesn’t droll on it.”

           “I’m leaking genius,” he corrected, spinning images of a suit around midair. “Jarvis, toss a little color on this one. Dealer’s choice. Call it done.”

           “Right away.” Jarvis responded and Tony stood to kiss Pepper briefly so I peered away.

           “Steve, Thor, Mary Jane, and Peter are in the training room. I might go bother them.” I winked, hopping down from my perch effortlessly. “Bye, Pepper. Watch out for this one, he’s fussy.”

           “Handsome and driven.” Tony put one finger up. “Thanks for the magic hand.”

           “No issue.” I got into the elevator and grinned at Sam inside.

           “Morning. Where are you off to?”

           “Kitchen to meet the super sleuths,” he set his hands in his pockets. “Fixed up my wings. Thor loomed over me the entire time to study the tech.”

           “He’s as curious as his brother in truth, especially when it comes to this world.” I agreed. “I think he’s also distracted because Jane Foster hasn’t gotten back to him.”

           “He’s an interesting guy,” Sam smiled. “Friendly.”

           “Thor has a way of inspiring loyalty.”

           “He isn’t the only one.” Sam touched my shoulder when the elevator doors opened before he got out.

           “Until later,” I nodded, waving when the doors closed. In the training room, Mary Jane was exercising with Steve and Thor as they held punch mitts toward her and instructed. Bucky had joined them, seating himself on a ledge with a bottle of water while Peter was perched in the rafters.

           “Tony’s going to get irritated if you leave those webs up all over the ceiling, kid,” Steve called with a half-grin. They greeted me so I crossed over and Bucky tied his hair back before engaging with a punching bag. “Not dressed to spar.”

           “I can spar in a dress and so can you if that is your wish, Steven.” I set my hands on my hips. “Putting our girl to work, I see.”

           “Said you helped her and it shows, she’s a promising fighter.” Thor grinned, dropping his hands.

           “I’m only here for free lessons,” Mary Jane winked and Steve chuckled. “Come down, tiger, if you dare.”

           “You kicked Captain America in the face.” Peter crawled around a beam and hung upside down.

           “She has quite a kick,” Steve shrugged and M.J. stood straight.

           “It was an accident.” She defended while Bucky chuckled across from her.

           “I’ve seen Steve take some mean hits, but that one was good.” He drank water, flexing his hands before he paused to watch me. “How strong are you really? Thor said Asgardians hold back on Earth. You could hug mortals and crush them.”

           “Thor still crushes us with his hugs.” Steve corrected as Peter jumped down to observe.

           “How strong am I? Well, I can’t just bring the room down. Thor, come here.” I curled my finger and he dropped his mitts. Flying forward, I picked him up bridal style and he went stiff like I plank to let me bench press him a few times in my dress for all to see. Amused, I heaved him high and lifted up before dropping him on a three foot thick mat. Thor splayed out, puffing and I smiled before floating back down. “Does that suffice?” Everyone laughed as Thor just stayed there, thoroughly amused before Loki’s voice cut in.

           “I come in to see my wife bullying my big brother.” He pursed his lips and set a hand out to yank Thor up. “Embarrassing.”

           “What brought you out of your hole?” Steve’s amusement dropped.

           “Ah, Captain. Well, I suppose if you can thaw out of an iceberg and find this world worthwhile, I can get out of a bed.” Loki slid around me. “I’m here to work on that former mess. The simulator. Stark and Banner are at a loss and I need something to play with since you don’t want me flirting with anyone...including that charming soldier behind you.” Bucky shuffled his feet where he stood.

           “You don’t get to manipulate my friends,” Steve faked a smile.

           “Manipulate? No, I flirt because I like what I see. Certainly, even these budding warriors understand such a sentiment.” Loki passed Steve and M.J. “I’d find you more handsome if you weren’t such a rigid pain in my backside.”

           “I could say the same thing about you.”

           “Banter, don’t you miss this, sweetheart? Takes me back to Asgard.” Loki seated himself at a control panel in front of a massive window to a room, covered in plastic sheets.

           “What have you been up to?” I asked, shifting toward him as my friends carried on behind me.

           “Simulators generate illusions of sorts.” He shrugged, fingers fluttered until the computer came to life. Loki was focused, eyes on the glass while he manipulated the machine. Cords shifted around like snakes along the wall. “Illusion magic is about commitment and attention.”

           “I’m sorry, are those traits you associate with yourself?” Steve scoffed.

           “Steve, I know exactly what you’re feeling. Please lay off today.” I peered back at him. “I am tired.” He set his hands up and went back to Mary Jane in response. Bucky resumed with his punching bag and Thor slipped into a chair by Loki.

           “You missed a wire,” Peter poked his head around a corner and jumped down, plugging something into the back. Loki didn’t thank him, merely pressing his lips to go back to work.

           “Get inside if you dare, I’ll give you something real to fight.” Loki settled his hand on a pad and Peter peered at me before rubbing the back of his neck.

           “I’m not about to be transported to another dimension, am I?”

           “You read far too much science fiction, boy.” Loki flashed a smirk and waved his hand. Plastic peeled away and flooded out of the path so Peter huffed and stepped inside. “Would an army of giant spiders suffice?” He spoke while I pulled up a chair near Loki’s other side.

           “Pass.” Peter echoed.

           “Very well.” Loki shook out his hand and placed it flat before a giant snake materialized.

           “Are you kidding me?!” Peter was on the wall in seconds.

           “It’s not real, of course.” Loki chuckled and six more flooded in waves of light from the floor. Peter tested it and jumped forward to kick one, causing it to explode in pixelated stars, dissipating. I laughed and clapped while he maneuvered to shoot down the rest like a skilled gymnast.

           “ _Bonding_.” I muttered, kissing Loki’s cheek.

           “His best friend became a mutilated supervillain, of course he’s drawn to me. I know the type.” Loki whispered, eyes sliding to Thor when he wasn’t looking. Peter jumped down and gave a bow before coming out.

           “Little warning next time, yeah?”

           “First lessons from a bad guy, we don’t give warning.” He paused. “Thought you had some arachnid sense.” Peter wiped some hair from his forehead in response and huffed, shrugging before Steve waved him over.

           “Sweetheart, are you next?” Loki winked.

           “No, but Thor really wants to.” I peered around Loki to see Thor in deep thought before he turned his head.

           “Yes?”

           “It’s not often Thor ignores the call of his own name,” Loki quipped and Thor forced a smile.

           “Forgive me, my mind is elsewhere today.” Thor got up and turned but stopped. “Will it always be like this? Brothers reunited. And after the world rests…? What then?”

           “Thor.” Loki sighed the syllable. “You really think I can just come stand by your side comfortably now after-”

           “Yes, I believe you can. I spent too much time lying to myself. I won’t do it any longer. You are my brother. We came into this world together, I don’t care if was from different arms. I want to fix this because I know we can. This is our fate.” Thor pressed his lips. “But, that no longer matters. Does it? My words are echoing hopes. Do they even reach your ears?” Loki reclined in response, eyes turned away before he clenched his fist with a tight expression. “Did I ever have a chance at your heart?”

           “No,” Loki trembled when he grew upset. The mortals in the room were slowing to watch. Knowing what was to come, I sighed and pressed my hand to my head. “Simply because you didn’t take it by sheer  _chance_ , idiot.” Thor tried to disregard the words and turned to hurry off before Loki shot up. “Mighty Prince Thor, running off when it matters… Look at me, coward!” I grabbed at Loki but he’d already picked up a book, hurtling it across the room. It snapped apart against Thor’s head and pages went flying.

           “Hey!” Steve got in front of Mary Jane. “Jarvis, get the others down here.” Thor and Loki weren’t paying attention in their stare down so I got in front of Loki to push him back. “Separate!”

           “No, let him free! Loki has something to say!” Thor heaved me up and gently set me aside to get into Loki’s face.

           “Oh, finally, Thor lends his pathetic, outcast brother an ear!” Loki tossed his hands out.

           “I included you in all I did! You were always my first choice without fail! You broke my trust and my heart but you are the only one I want standing at my right. Give yourself a chance because it isn’t all on me.”

           “I would have died so the sun could touch your insufferable face! You adored the attention you got but you never tried to even act interested in my needs! But, I loved you so. Only now you cast your gaze. How am I supposed to react?” Loki pushed at Thor.

           “Enough!” I used magic to separate them but again Thor picked me up like a cat and placed me aside. I stumbled into a post and growled. “Stop it! We made progress, you  _shits!”_ My language surprised the mortals as Steve and Bucky tugged at me to stop me from getting involved with the brothers circling each other like jungle cats.

           “I’m not going back to Asgard without you!” Thor gestured wildly and Loki gave a scoff.

           “In that case, I hope you enjoy mortal food! I’m not going back into that cell!”

           “Is that…” Thor inhaled, stilling to rise at full height. “Is that where you think I’m sending you after this?”

           “Where else would I go with you?” Loki spat. The rest of the Avengers had filtered in behind us while I came forward to pull at Loki’s shoulder again. “Marry her for real in Asgard? Let mother and father dress me in riches? Stand as your beloved and most trusted adviser? You’ve struggled to even look at my face since I’ve seen yours again. To even speak to me after that first night. The frost giants will claw into Asgard to get to me. Our people will mob my wife for even setting her hand back into mine. Nothing can be as it was.”

           “We have time here to fix this.” Thor leaned forward. “She and I…in Asgard, we fixed things.”

           “And the  _cost?”_ Loki’s eyes flooded with tears. “I know you, Thor. I know her. I know what you both have done. You pledged to protect her and your word is nothing. Father chose her over us because we ruined everything and she was the only one brave enough to pick up the pieces and stand on those stairs despite dying slowly before the crowds. Where were you really?”

           "And where were you, brother?" Thor seethed this time.

           “Let’s get this under control before someone gets hurt,” Bruce shifted forward but Thor ignored him.

           “The advisers-”

           “They  _advise_.” Loki hissed. “She was the true Prince of Asgard neither of us could be. You hated me. You hated her. I know why you did what you did even if she’ll never say it.” 

           “Is that what this is about?” Thor stood taller and I stepped away from Loki. “It wasn’t real.”

           “I made my peace long ago with it. But, I can see you have not. You know what you did…and so do I. You raged in battle and let her die!”

           “I don’t…” My voice was thick and I tried to get between them. “I don’t want to get into this again.”  _Not in front of my friends._

           “Look, this is going to end right now,” Steve got near Thor and I was tugging at Loki’s shoulder.

           “Loki…stop.” I was quiet. “Not in front of them.”

           “ _Them?”_ Loki smiled at me and my entire spine frosted over. “Yes, your beloved team. Let’s talk about them next. Thor. Your friends.” He cradled my face, backing me up in a way that wasn’t affectionate but manic. He felt of joy and rust. “They’ve fooled you. They just want to keep you safe but let’s have a little chat about the lengths. Shall we? Romanoff, you know what I’m talking about.”

           “Loki’s trying to manipulate you.” Natasha was at my side. “Don’t let him.”

           “Strong words from such a great friend.” Loki’s dimples showed as he petted my hair but, I waved them both off.

           “Shut up.” She flashed venom in her eyes.

           “I don’t know what you’re-” Steve was jerked back into Tony and Bucky by an unseen force.

           “You need to step away from this, man.” Sam stood his ground and Loki huffed.

           “Relax, if I wanted to kill you all I would have done it.” He was clicking buttons into a pad in the wall.

           “Before or after I nuked your army?” Tony came forward. “Jarvis.”

           “Jarvis is busy.” Loki looked at me. “I’ve kept quiet because she doesn’t deserve this… You don’t.”

           “Loki…what are you doing?” I was rooted into my spot. I looked at my friends. The original Avengers. Their souls pulsed in unity with something acidic. “What do you know? I can…see it.” Pointing toward Bruce’s chest, I stepped forward and he moved back with his hands up in response. “ _Really_? Scared I’m going to bring forth your other half?”

           “We shouldn’t do this here,” he sighed, shaken.

           “The file… You agonized over it…I just didn’t want you to suffer more. Your dear friends.” Loki furrowed his brow, closed his eyes, and pulled up a video. “Shield’s files. Evidence taken mere hours and days after my imprisonment. You all were brought in. Interviewed about the events heavily. Questioned about your otherworldly allies. Thor, as usual, had a glowing review because of the events in New Mexico. But, it was already common knowledge that you were  _something_  vastly different. Powered beyond the universe. You’d just eaten an infinity gem and laughed in their faces about it after. Which I admired to an extent.”

           “Don’t.” Natasha stepped forward and looked at me. “She deserves to know why.”

           “Yes, Romanoff, please do tell her.” Loki gestured and I was out of my mind.

           “What is going on?” I shuffled backwards.

           “Leave it be,” Bruce came forward to take my arm. “Come on.”

           “Yes, shelter her. Shelter her so she’ll keep that power flowing. Was that your intention with  _this_?” Loki swiped his hand and a video file came on screen. “I found this locked up in your files mere days after Sheild took Ava in.”

           I could feel my world shrinking when the audio clicked on.

            _“What is your honest assessment, doctor?”_  An agent spoke over a table I remember sitting at.

            _“Look, I’m not the expert.”_  Bruce sighed on screen. I pulled away to step closer to the bright lights.

            _“Doctor, we need to know if the subject poses a threat.”_

_“She helped us.”_

_“She stole government property and refused to return it.”_

            _“Government property?”_  Bruce had chuckled, before he chose some words.  _“Look, I don’t think even she understands the extent of her…powers. She doesn’t understand any of it.”_ The video was swept away with another of Tony.

            _“She’s young, come on. Just...has a childish dependency or whatever on Thor. They're only here to bring Loki back, she's just...attached to him. You saw her. Leave her be.”_

           Natasha’s came next.

            _“…Mentally unstable but Thor has agreed to take her and Loki back to Asgard. They’ll be kept there. Safer for all of us.”_

           Clint was kind to me.

            _“The girl set my mind straight after that psychopath tried to compromise it. I don’t care what else she can do.”_

           Thor gave me no ease.

            _“I’m as upset as you are! I will return her to Asgard were she belongs! She will give up the stone. She’s never been in full control of her actions. We'll take care of it and Loki.”_

           Steve’s tone brought up some pain.

            _“She’s…unpredictable I guess. But, she came here and helped, don’t care where she came from.”_

_“Captain, she’s attached to Loki. Does that really look good on her? What if she returns? What if she returns with him?”_

_“I’m not going to rationalize her terrible decisions to help you sleep at night.”_

           “That’s enough!” Bucky’s shout was followed by a hard shove with his metal arm, Loki skidded forward and tipped over in shock at my feet.

           “Guys, this isn’t…” Sam pressed a fist to his lips and shook his head. “That’s really how it is here?”

           “…What the hell is wrong with you people?” Mary Jane cut in and Loki came to me when everyone spoke at once.

           “Sweetheart, I did not want you to see this. I couldn’t lie to you any longer- _ah_!” Loki was ripped backward when I used magic to shove him across the floor away from me.

           “We said those things to protect you,” Natasha came into my line of sight and I chuckled with tears filling the void. They didn’t fall.

           “Am I supposed to be grateful for it?” I sniffled and she stood taller, genuine with regret.

           “Government was restless, if we made them not…take you seriously… It looked better. It was one day. Things are different now. You said it yourself.”

           “And you allowed me to believe it… That, Tasha, is what makes it all the more… _ugly_. Well,” I sniffled. “Thank you all…so much for the  _consideration_.” I growled and shoved Loki again, hand out while my fingers contorted. He smacked backwards, legs kicking, and I tripped Thor without looking at him. “It means the world to have friends who are always looking out for you. Thanos warned me about you all. You proved a monster right. And...And I...”

           “We knew you a few hours, Psych, you scared people.” Tony came forward to ease this but magic lifted him in turn. They all rushed forward but Tony waved them off. “It’s fine,  _ack_ , I’m used to this.”

           “I scared people?” I laughed in the open. “You built weapons, Anthony Stark. Bombs. You have a body count that could put some Asgardians to shame.” I brought him close to my face. “I could make you feel every single death. Touch every soul you’ve ruined. You were in the business of murdering people and you hid in a lab to pretend you were saving human lives.  _Pathetic_. While you were still crawling, unknowing of the monster you would become, I was at war. Desolate. Cold. I looked my foes in the eye and ended their lives and I didn’t try to pretend I was better…at the time. You smiled and threw women aside behind the camera. But, you touched clarity. So you stop and you atone in the only way you know how. You tried to wash a blood drenched empire away and it eats you. But, neither tactic will  _ever_  make your father love you the way you wished. I can tell you without hesitation…he never loved you. Right,  _Steven?”_ I leaned over.

           "Don't." Steve’s soul was welling up with the weight of this.

           “You knew him. Howard Stark loved this handsome, undead science experiment more than his own son. You were there to carry on the name. The legacy. His greatest creation, indeed. You don't need him Tony and you're so close to realizing that. You're better than him... But, what’s more…nothing you do will take those screams away by innocent lives burned apart by the weapons you’ve given to the world. The world has every single right to never forgive you in a  _million_ _years_. Which one us will be living still to know? I’ll send you a card.” I roughly sent him backwards into Steve, who came forward to talk me down. "You and I both know, Tony, that we may never feel the way we desire and we try every day still. Knowing we can stop. Knowing it hurts. So, don't pretend to have the high ground. All of you."

           “Easy, we’re not the enemy. What was said, it wasn’t meant-”

           “To hurt me?" I cut over them. "No, I’m a great god of unwritten myths so no worry. I’m a strong _female_ who can send a few good kicks so I don’t have  _feelings_. I’m not in control and I’m a wildly unstable, wide-eyed little wife of a supervillain. My mental illness isn’t the most exciting thing about me! I live with it. I’ll die with it. I feel broken and yet, I thrive if even for the smallest moments. That counts for something to me.” I felt Loki try to get up and jerked him back down with magic. “Baby, let the adults speak.”

           “Don’t do this.” Steve pushed at me, looking helpless. Bucky was frozen in awe near Loki.

           “Do what? Let’s talk about Captain America.” I cocked my head, smiling with ease as they watched me go off with nothing to bring me back. “I gave up what I had to fight by your side. Yours! You understood me. I understood you. We had trust, Steve! I brought your friend back from the brink when you were too ashamed to speak his name at times. I did! And I asked for nothing in return but a chance! A chance I thought you’d given me.”

           “I know…” Steve had his hands up. “I know.”

           “Oh, yes, I know you do. All of you. You pined for a chance. Hopes that blurred lines between god and mortal. I tried…I tried to give souls a chance because I thought that was my gift under this hell I live with. We’ve all lost so much. We all understood the pain. Especially our perfect Captain America. You’ve lost all your friends. Your magnificent Peggy Carter-”

           “Shut up!” Steve grabbed at my shoulders but I was relentless.

           “She suffered long for a dream that was poisoned from the start and you weren’t there for any of it. Were you? Does that not eat you inside every night? I know it does. I’ve felt it.” I poked his chest. “Right here. Your soul without flaws. You can do everything right and still fail. Right, Steven? One by one…they all died and here you are. Young and handsome still while they rotted into the ground. You visit Lady Carter and die inside at the sight of her in that bed. The organization she bled for, taken by Nazis and you weren’t there to stop any of it. The gods gave you a second chance. Nothing will ease these pains but we had each other. At the very least.” Steve was looking at the floor, shaking before his hands shoved me into the wall. Easily, I pried him off and pushed. “Oh, have I spilled too much blood?”

           “Sweetheart,” Loki gasped for air and I let him free. Heaving, he gulped and turned over, coughing while I stood there amongst them. I realized everyone in the room had split. Behind me, silent, stood Sam, Peter, Mary Jane, and Bucky.

           “And Natasha…I gave your soul as much privacy as I could offer.” I exhaled and shut my eyes. “I gave the Hulk my trust without an end. I know your suffering. The things that keep a peaceful sleep from daring to touch you. I…trusted both of you. All of you…knowing how flawed and diverse our minds were. Knowing that perhaps this team was a failure from the start.”

           “Then you know, those interviews weren’t real.” Natasha tried while Loki heaved himself up against the wall.

           “So certain? Let’s talk about Thor. Golden son.” I rushed toward him and he set his hand up, eyes pleading. “You know exactly what you’ve done. Somehow, I think my silence hurts you more because you’re living with the knowledge…right there…” I poked his chest, finger sliding down his sternum. “Back away from me, my Prince. Just like you always used to on that battlefield. You raged and you knew I would pay you later willingly. You all got so used to me. Smaller. Younger. Tumbling around along that training ground. Always playing catch up."

           "We can fix what we've done."

           "Where was Thor when I won the war coughing up blood behind closed doors? Where was Thor when I delved deep into those prisons to heal and burn his long, lost brother? Where was Thor to put interrogated criminals to the axe? To yank answers from them? To stay ahead of this war before we could be snuffed out? Where was Thor when Asgard began to die? When his father sat in that throne room weakening?" Unable to hold it, I exploded with angry tears. "I can tell you that he wasn’t there because  _I was! I was there!_ You played in battle to forget like a drunk and left me to pick up the pieces of your palace!” I yelled in his face and he just watched me, reeling so far away.

           “We can leave this place,” Loki attempted in a weaker tone and I scoffed, numbing out.

           “You hurt me, Loki. They uttered the words but you didn’t do this to ease your own conscious. You did it to ruin what we had. You failed. Again. You're every bit the selfish prince you were and I'm not so different." Haunted, I tremored with the truth. "I’m staying here even if it kills me. And all of us. I’m going to face Thanos if it means he’ll crush me. You know, I’m not perfect. Want to expose me? I’ll do that myself..."

           My next shout echoed across this green Earth. Another god would hear my cries and listen well.

           "I’d rather be a vessel to a higher power than feel the weight or pain of my own soul and emotions! I'd sooner let myself be used a thousand times over before I dare speak from the heart! I’m awful…and I’m well aware.”

           “I didn’t force them to say those words.” Loki held his neck. “You think I enjoyed this?”

           “I think you’re about to enjoy it less.” I paused before I repeated, so calm. “You hurt me…” My fists curled up tight. “And for the record…you all… That psych profile you  _accidently_  helped assemble…it was wrong in one major way. I do know what I can do. But, I’m starting to learn new things by the day. Stryker helped me uncover the most primal parts of my soul. The stronger I get. From the very souls I rip out. Did you think of me when you saw the bodies littered through that lab? Logan got his share but I took time to devour them…and I let their forces fill me. I killed everyone I got my hands on and I was insatiable to the point where my soul acted faster than my body. As it usually does. I shared a moment of clarity with a mortal before I cracked her fragile skull open.” Loki got to his feet and braced himself but I turned around, causing him to pale.

           “ _Do it._ ” Thanos put his hand over mine.

           “Don’t,” Loki begged my name before he lunged to tackle me. “Thor, get away!” Thor took a step backwards and seized when pain blazed into his heart up out his skull. He about howled, grabbing his head before falling to his knees and I felt my energy leave. Thor’s nose bled between his fingers as he coughed and heaved, looking up. I kicked Loki clean off me and I scooted back to haul myself up onto the thick mat.

           “ _Just like that_ ,” Thanos whispered and I closed my eyes tight, neck snapping to shake him off.

           “You want to know why Odin picked me over you, Thor? And Loki. It wasn’t just the power. It wasn’t the advisers. It wasn’t even fear. It was because he believed in the things I could do. He watched me standing behind you all for so long. Listening. Fighting. Willing. Our King saw a woman who could do the agonizing things his own boys couldn’t. He knew my history. He predicted my future. I killed Rolff.” Thor’s eyes drew wide before he stared up at me. “The rapist. I got away with it. Odin knew and the first thing he did was invite me to dinner. The next thing was to suppress my power. When that failed, he grew up like we all had to and realized our fate. He tried to spare me the pain of service but at least he didn’t try to limit me ever again. Cared for me during the attacks. Healed bruises given to me by battle…even the ones you gave me and I lied about. You remember, Thor? Oh, how we toiled together for perfect beats in time. Sometimes, I miss it.” I got up on my knees a little and inhaled sweet air while Thor crumbled. “Your mother groomed me to be a goddess. Your father let me touch the sky because he understood that I only could reach it. I could grow to be a better ruler than you both if I applied myself.”

           “Forgive me.” Thor wiped his lips, smearing blood down his skin. “Forgive them…”

           “I can.” I huffed, eyes rolling. “I will.”

           “Sweetheart-”

           “You don’t get to call me that right now.” I shook my head. “I know why you said the things you did. I just thought we were better than that. But, it was mere days. Silly. But, I'm just a kid to most of you. I'll get over it.”

           “You know me. You know us.” Natasha stepped in front of the others.

           “ _Exactly_.” I let out a sound of discomfort and tried to get up. Bucky paused to help Steve up, backing away as if he was struggling after.

           “So, did you guys plan that or…?” Bucky pressed his lips, shrugging. “No…so it was a spur of the moment toss under the bus. I get it.” Tony was silent.

           “You all wanted to limit me by my disabilities to help me? Next time, don’t.” I growled and attempted to get up before hands touched my back as Mary Jane tried to relax me. “I trusted all of you. Knowing that you feared me. Knowing you were hesitant. I thought you could see into the person I wanted to be. The person I gave so much for. I gave that to you. We’re all ill. We’re all in pain. Don’t pretend I’m the only one bowing to it once in a while. Don’t walk around here thinking you’re better because you crack a few jokes to hide yours. We’re in the same sinking raft. Just trying to stay above the water. Don’t presume to think you’re allowed to flash my pain all over behind my back and believe I should be thanking you for it. You weren’t keeping me safe, you were protecting your own souls because you knew you were speaking over me. Thought you knew better? Thought I wasn’t aware of my own sickness? That’s pathetic and it’s cowardly. I’m not a child. I never got that luxury. My stepfather ensured I was his little woman. I’m also not unaware of myself. You’re not doing me any favors in pretending I am.” They all looked on, jarred. Clint peered at them and crossed to my side, shaking his head.

           “Clean yourselves up before Maria Hill contacts us,” he helped me up after speaking to the others. “We still have a job to do.”

           “I can make it from here. No, I won’t just run off again at the first sign of trouble.” I passed Thor while he recovered and didn’t look back, taking the stairs to the roof before I sank down on the helipad. Rain had long washed the snow away, soaking me before it eased while I covered my face and let my clothing get ruined. I pressed a fist to my temple and heard above the rain, an agonizing voice.

           “ _I told you so_.” Thanos was bright.

           I screamed.

           I stilled.

           “You think I’d get used to betrayal.” I felt Sam behind me and bit into my bottom lip, raising my hands to let gold and red lights swirl around my fingers. Palms lifted toward the rising moon. I longed for someone tangible to pray too. I longed for them to reach out and lift me high into the clouds. “This is who I am now. This is who I’ve always been. Let me.”

           “Shouldn’t stay in the rain.” Sam came forward and behind him stood Clint, M.J., Bucky, and Peter.

           “This is how they are in all the Midgardian films,” I joked, wiping my cheek. “Thanos warned me about this. I am upset.”

           “He’s trying to isolate you. You have people here for your health, come hang with us.”

           “I like this floor.” I let him help me stand. “Loki and I had our showdown right here. The second one. He’s always staring at me. Even then. Even now. What they said was awful but what he did to tell me…it was ugly and selfish. I’m always caught between the piles of cluttered garbage. Usually because I place myself there. I can’t do it anymore.” Sam managed a smile and cocked his head.

           “Come inside.”

           “…Are they going to make me go?” I held myself. “You can’t forgive what I did.”

           “Not leaving,” Clint approached, hands in his pockets. “I need to talk to you.”

           “Maria might call, I handle that.” Sam turned to go. “You two should get home.” Peter and Mary Jane lingered in the doorway with Bucky up against the back wall, arms crossed.

           “Are you…going to be okay? Peter and I, we could help if you need somewhere to stay.” M.J. came to me and I smiled for her, setting a hand on her shoulder.

           “Yes, you’re both sweet. I’ve…tired everyone. You should rest.”

           “We’re sorry about what happened. If anything changes, let us know.” Peter flashed a grin and pulled his mask on before disappearing with Mary Jane.

           “You should…” I trailed off and Sam nodded, leaving before I stepped toward Bucky. “Shouldn’t you be with Steve?” I offered, hesitant. “I shouldn’t have…in front of everyone.” I pressed a hand to my forehead and dropped it, spinning on my heel to face the windows before I let my breath out. Bucky stared at the floor for a moment.

           “If you leave, will you take me with you?” He asked and Clint cut in.

           “We’re not separating.”

           “Why?” I touched Clint’s shoulder and turned to face Bucky. “They need you.”

           “I’m not sure if I’m worth this. I’m not sure if I want it. Not sure if I can keep going here, pretending to be a hero.”

           “Bucky, those horrible things. It wasn’t you. You know that, right? They do. You were forced.”

           “I still did them. I want to feel safe again.” Bucky admitted. As even as he could. “I know you understand.” He seemed uncomfortable so when he turned to pace off, I didn’t follow.

           “You drinking?” Clint fixed the hearing aid in his ear and inhaled before going around the bar.

           “I…sure.” I waited until he beckoned to cross over. Clint poured one for me and himself and we drank in silence so I shifted on my seat. “I didn’t expect you to…”

           “After that battle just outside…I went back to Shield, they forced me to take time off. Said I reached my limit and I wasn’t fit for duty. Spread footage and word of mouth of what I did under Loki’s scepter. They didn’t blame me of course. But, they still found a way to do it. You don’t get to withhold pieces from someone and still come to them, pretending they’re your friend and advise machine so you can sleep better at night like you saved the crazy in them.” He poured me a second drink.

           “Leave the bottle.” I coaxed and pointed behind him. “That one too.”

           “Sure?”

           “Asgardian.” I tossed my head back and gulped, meeting Clint’s eyes when I’d finished the entire bottle.

           “Shit.” He quirked his lip up. “Can you get drunk off this stuff?”

           “Few more full bottles, I might feel it. Somewhat. I've not tested such things yet.” I curled my lips around the second and drank, setting it down. “Thank you.” I sighed, shrugged. “For not judging me. Even when I showed up with Loki. I really thought you did...but, you didn't. I apologize if the sight of him enrages you.”

           “More important things.” He offered, drinking from his glass. “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t handle Loki. He got the physical and emotional beat down of a lifetime and it shows.” I reeled back to finished the second bottle before me handed me a third.

           “Shit,” I rubbed my eyes. “I should go talk to Thor, I could’ve harmed him badly proving my point.”

           “New tricks.” He noted.

           “Old tricks.” I looked up at him. “Same tree, fresh budding leaves. You ever need anything, ask.” I stood to go and he nodded, lifting his glass. My clothing was still soggy when I went into Thor’s room while the door was ajar. He looked up with a bloodied nose and stood before I set my hand out. “Sit. I just needed to apologize-” Thor hitched a dark laugh at me, shaking his head before he fell back. It was almost unlike him. But, I composed myself. “Fine. I came to tell you that bringing all that up…what happened. It was cruel. Using you to prove a point by Thanos was disgusting. I was upset at Loki and took it out on you. That's the mark of a villain. Not someone trying to do better.”

           “It was accurate.” Thor clenched his fists and found a tone that still was so unlike him. Sunken and tiny. “The things we did in Asgard…you wanted it, right?”

           “I wouldn’t have crawled in and begged if I didn’t. What I said wasn't about that. I love you but, I felt abandoned at times in Asgard. You were mourning too.”

           “Yes, but we…we…I got rough. Not just in bed. Those nights spent on the empty training grounds. We'd fight and bloody each other for release.”

           “Thor. I won’t say it again. Leave it be. I was rough too.” I let my chest sink and turned my head to peer outside at the rain before I looked back at him. “Did…you talk to Loki?”

           “We all…separated after few words after what happened. Loki was wrong to reveal it as he did, but we cannot deny that the things we said were not fair. Cruel. It was also wrong to leave you in darkness about it. Especially after those files bothered you so.”

           “It was overboard to bring Asgard up.”

           “Father made the right choice.”

           “Have you told…Loki about…?” I didn't speak the name.

           “No,” Thor shook his head. “I hoped to do it as a family. Rebuild. My actions caused today.”

           “I won’t say it because, like with you, it isn’t my secret to share. I let Frigga tell you. But, Loki deserves to know the truth too.”

           “And, I will tell him. After this next facility is toppled. Would you return, given the chance?” Thor sat up.

           “To Asgard? Yes. Not forever. I enjoy traveling with Loki. I miss them all so much.” I crossed my arms and looked up, head snapping. “I have to take care of something.”

           “Is there a problem?” Thor got up again while I turned

           “No, it’s handled.” I shut his door before he could follow and marched up to another door, opening without knocking. “James Barnes, I see you rushing around, you shouldn’t leave.”

           “Tell Steve I’m sorry.”

           “Stay and face him yourself.” I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal of his wrist. He looked at the smears of black makeup down my cheeks and dirt on my wet clothing, freezing. “You’ll regret any more lost time. We talked about this, Hydra will find you. The team needs you, Bucky. I think you need this too. I think you want this, you just have to let yourself have it. It's so hard, I know.” I got between him and the bag he was trying to pack and stood there until he looked into my eyes. “Please, don’t leave. You deserve better. I can see the potential in everyone, it’s not fair to hold you to it but I just want you to heal and I push because I can see that’s what you desire. I’ve known your pain, it’s not all going to leave. Please, you’ve come too far for anything less... And, frankly, I don't want you to go. As a friend, I...I'd like to keep you. I want to watch you all achieve happiness and peace once more.”

           “I’ll stay,” his tone was rough with a shudder while he stood there mere inches from me, shoulders dropping. I let out a tiny breath and clasped my hands, relieved.

           “Good,” I dropped my eyes after another beat when he leaned in. My chest lifted before words burst. “That night, it was raining and I almost hit a dark figure. It was you, finding me for Hydra. Do you remember now why you ran?”

           “The mission was aborted.” He responded and I pressed my hands together.

           “Why?”

           “Got sight of you and closed in the vicinity. Something…clicked on, I don’t know. My backup felt me change right away and we got out of there fast. Aborted the mission when I was compromised and wiped me again. Usually, it doesn't take long but it took hours that night.”

           “You found some memories?”

           “Maybe? It was more of an emotion at first.” He lifted his eyes. "A feeling."

           “Describe it specifically.”

           “It was…like the sensation of alcohol warming your stomach. The scent of my favorite cake on my birthday. The excitement of opening a present. It was like Steve’s dumb smile after I saved his ass in a fight. It was like waiting for fireworks to go off and watching them spark in the sky. All at once. Do you know why?” My eye twitched before I tried not to sound like my entire body shivered with realization.

           “No.” I lied. “I don’t… I’ll think on it. I’m glad you’ve decided to stay. I, ah... Sleep well if you can. I hope you do.” He was still staring when I looked back at him. “Goodnight, Bucky Barnes.” My dress brushed him when I passed to go.

           “Goodnight,” he gave me my name kindly and I let it fill my lungs when I shut the door to go up to my room. Naaki was napping on her bed in the corner and Loki stood upon seeing my face. My gaze blared like sirens and didn’t relent when he came forward.

           “I am very upset with you."

           "Yes."

           "You are selfish and you didn’t do what you did to help me.” I started pulling my dress off, dropping wet fabric in a heap behind me. The bath turned on and Loki followed to see me step in, still tossing clothing off. “You’re not sorry for what you did...you’re sorry it didn’t drive me into your arms in tears.” I held my hand out. “Bubbles.” Loki didn’t move so I smirked and summoned the bottle to my hand before adding it in excess. I sighed and let it fill in around me, leaning back to watch his expression. “Have I covered it?”

           “Almost.” Loki’s face hadn’t changed, bottled pain and fury. I dunked my head back and came up, leaning against the back of the tub. “Do not presume to harm Thor ever again.”

           “There you are.” I sighed, head lulling against the cold bathtub while I sunk lower to savor the warmth. Licking my lips, I turned the water off with my foot and relaxed. “I spent too much time between you both, you got comfortable. You got  _lazy_. Never again.”

           “You fucked him to get back at me. You hurt him to get back at me.”

           “How one dimensional a thought. You’re blinded by jealousy. I gave  _him_  my body to forget your pretty green eyes maybe. But, there was a bigger reason. More shameful than any other. We’re not discussing this, the love triangle crap is shit and non-existent. It passed, Loki. You’re not upset we slept together. You’re upset he was so…ample with my body. But, today...that was horrid.”

           “Stop telling me how I feel.”

           “Who else will?  _You?_ No.” My chest heaved before I leered, damp hair falling forward. “I need to shake this toxic habit. Did you ever believe I might be the toxic one, Prince Loki? You’re right, I’m just upset and you’re standing there and…you did a horrible thing.”

           “They-”

           “Don’t.” I sniffed and pressed my lips, gazes flickering. “Take your clothes off.”

           “What?”

           “I would like you…” My eyes ran up to his face while I shifted on my side and floated in the warm, bubbly water. “…to take your clothes off. Please.”

           “Are we fighting or fucking?”

           “I’m not angry anymore. Maybe a little at them for what they said. I’m not…pulling out of this. I need to move forward and I would like you to take your clothes off. Only if you'd like to.” Something cold was frosting my tone and Loki quivered, sniffling.

           “I am sorry, sweetheart,” he cracked, “I am. I just…vibrate with such fire while I’m here. I wanted to hurt them and every time I…let myself act, I neglect you in the crossfire.”

           “I shouldn’t have hurt Thor, I was angry too. I love you, Loki, I don’t want us to have to spend time proving it over and over after we screw up. I’m tired. Take your clothes off please.”

           “Are you going to let me kiss you?” He asked and I shifted to stare ahead at the tiles.

           “Come find out.” I hitched up when he slipped into the bath with his clothing on, arms braced on either side of my head. Lips opened against mine and Loki got comfortable with his head pressed into my collar. “Thank you for showing me.” I whispered. “I hate you a little for it.”

           “I know.” He paused. “You were so happy. I wanted to show you sooner. I wanted to watch them squirm.”

           “I’ve rediscovered a trust in myself that was lost with the mind stone’s body. You’ve given me something and I shall repay you…one day.” I kissed his forehead and shifted to get up in a trance. “Come, Loki. Put your face between my legs before we go to bed tonight.” I heard him shudder behind me and didn’t turn when he followed. 

           *** *** **

           It was still dark when I got up and ready, leaving Loki asleep as I often did before I planted myself on a stool in the kitchen like a statue. Outside, the sky flooded with colors that were washed away by rainfall. The little taps on the window turned to thuds in my brain. Thanos' laughter had not ended since last night. My coffee was cold while I gulped it before my soul unwound as far as it could go. I felt a still mortal, dreaming, mind completely unaware. Unlocked. Unwinding. Humming, I stood and came to the window in calculated motions, tugging and plucking before I saw this mortal man standing there just across the way in another building.

            _Was he sleeping or awake? Neither._  He looked back with eyes that flashed gold. I raised my hand. He mirrored. We waved. I smiled. So did they. Step forward. Step back. Arms out. I watched them in the window, controlling them like a puppet for as long as my body could hold. Time ticked. Rain thudded. I gripped their soul, so gentle, without ripping it apart. We danced. Arms out. Fingers splayed just so. I felt myself in their room, positioning their head and arms. Guiding them. My will wavered. Soul grew fatigued. My body spun around, skirt fluttering before I fell back against the floor.

           The thudding ceased.

           We breathed.

           He exhaled me out.

           His life continued.

           My lungs sucked in the soul that had grown beyond my flesh. I was back here. Right here.

           Blood pumped to kiss along desperate vessels.

           I rose, finished my coffee, and smashed the cup into the sink.

           “Another.” I caught my breath and left the room to crawl back next to Loki over the covers until he woke. I watched him breath and touched his chest when I dared. It was likely that I wasn’t strong enough to reach above mortals souls. Nor did I try. “Loki.” I coaxed, kissing his shoulder.

           “ _Hm_.” He wiggled just so without waking, deep into slumber. My touches relaxed him when I let my fingers smooth down the lines of his lithe body. Loki swayed and bent like healthy bamboo along windy fields. But, his heart picked up as I massaged his hips and thighs over the silken sheets. Nestled between spread legs, I hooked one finger into the blanket and inched it down just below his knees.

           “Are you dreaming of me?” I mumbled before kissing where his shaft met his body and following my tongue up his length. “I can feel you are.”

           “ _Mmm…hmm…”_  Loki moaned so I stroked him off, hips lifting to meet my hand. When his tip was wet, my lips closed around it to swallow him down. “ _Ah_ …” He gasped my name, waking so I hushed him and pumped my hand slower; sliding and twisting all the way up and back down.

           “Morning.” I got up on my knees and Loki arched when I thumbed his tip, legs hitching up to spread. “The others are waking, I don’t have time to fuck you.”

           “ _Please_ ,” he slurred, “wear the little black thing for me again. I want it in both forms.”

           “We don’t have time for the little black thing. Later maybe.” I came back down and suckled, causing Loki’s body to grown tight. “The black thing isn’t that little.”

           “You don’t like it?” Loki hummed blissfully as I came up again, playing with his cock so he reached down to finger himself when everything between his legs was slick.

           “No…it’s just…different. I worry about my performance.”

           “Welcome to my world.” Loki sighed and fell back, tugging at the covers. I chuckled at him and kissed his tip this time before opening my lips over it. “I have… _fuck_ …no complaints.”

           “Well, you tend to come easily.” I leaned up to kiss his lips, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

           “Was that…meant to criticize me?”

           “Of course not, I find it charming at this age.” I pumped and felt him pulse when my other hand cupped his sack. Loki’s back curved, legs splaying while he moaned louder and gripped the sheets. His body worked to quicken the pace. “I think you are precious. You’re shameless when it comes to sex and pleasure. Even now.” Loki was pressing his eyes shut and cursing, begging for me so I lowered my mouth again. I listened to him breathing in tiny whimpers until he warned me and came along my tongue. Taking time, I suckled and licked him clean before allowing his cock to fall from my lips. “Time to get up and face the day, yes?”

           “Sweetheart, you’re…you’re not upset?” Loki fell back when I wiped my lips, covering his nudity in the sheets before I hurried to go wash my hands.

           “No.” I slipped into my vanity and washed my lipstick off, carefully reapplying another color after I’d smeared most of it down his cock. “I was. Burning bridges. We have a job to finish, I won’t let the past get in the way. Not now.”

           “What is wrong?” Loki sat up and I scoffed a chuckle. “None of that.”

           “What?” I dropped my shoulders.

           “Something is always wrong when you give me that dirty, aloof blow job. It’s always amazing and you’re…smug isn’t the word.  _Satisfied_  is shockingly more appropriate. You always pretend you’re fine after but, you’re clearly not.” Loki sat back and I plopped next to him again.

           “Does that make the orgasm less enjoyable?”

           “I’m… We’re not here to discuss that. I asked you a question. What happened?”

           “I didn’t kill anyone this time,” I leaned over on one arm to watch his eyes. Was this me? Was this Thanos? Did any of it matter? “I feel better. I do.”

           “ _Sweetheart_.” Loki pressed and I shrugged.

           “I’m getting stronger, Loki. Can you sense my abilities fluttering from where you’re sitting? I know you can. You’re too well attuned to the magical forces in the world to not see.” My tone lowered and he shifted forward. “It feels good. I’m letting these energies inside me free. What I did yesterday was horrid and it felt…I can’t explain it as well as I’d like to. Amazing. Not bringing pain. I just…remembered something I’d long forgotten about myself. You know what it’s like to find pieces of yourself again.  You know what I’d give to keep them?” I smoothed my knuckles down his chin and felt him flood with understanding that was usually followed by fear. My tone dipped down when I leaned in. “You know what I’d give?”

           “I know you wish to get stronger to protect those around you but do not toy with the cost. He's seeping inside you. Manipulating. You are stronger than him.” Loki took my wrist, fingers dug into my skin over my scars. I waited for them to burst open but they didn’t. “We cannot play this game again.”  _We?_  Thanos left Loki out on purpose. I could laugh and weep all at once.  _We?_ He let me kiss him, I smiled while I pulled away before anything else could touch my soul.  _Watch me, my love._  My cat came away from her food dish in the hallway to see me.

           “Get dressed. I’ll see you downstairs.” I picked up Naaki when she pawed at me and Loki watched the back of my skull so I left again. “What are you feeling, Naaki?” I kissed her head affectionately and let her down before the doors opened. My friends had gathered in the kitchen, seated around the counter and couch with the television on. Music mingled with the sounds from the screen and my skirt swayed when I stepped inside. Naaki rushed to hop into Sam’s lap so she could beg food off him and they stared until Natasha put a mug on the counter.

           “Peace offering. Mocha.” She watched me step forward.

           “It is my wish to address you all after yesterday and well, recent events.” I clasped my hands like a princess and Steve got up from his spot next to Bucky, shifting to sit near Tony at the counter. They faced me and I was at peace. “I know I haven’t made things easy. What…with rushing off to do what I think I should and pushing…and forcing us all together when there is still so much pain and tension. For that, I apologize. I can’t blame my actions all on Thanos and I wanted to take some responsibility so, I am sorry. It was also wrong of me to be as harsh as I was yesterday. The file bothered me for a long time and, naturally, I felt…betrayal. Which isn’t exactly foreign so it burned more. But, Thanos is…showing me things. I’m not sure if they are visions of the future or a means to frighten me so that I lose focus or both. He is a deadly threat and the moment him returning to this world became a possibility, I acted…somewhat irrationally and heated. It’s just who I am. What happened yesterday was a culmination of stress and grief and it is my wish to keep this going. It was wrong to lash out at the people I care for so deeply. Thanos wants something out of me and us. We cannot allow him any satisfaction.”

           “We kind of tossed you under the bus,” Steve swallowed. “What you said was…horrible. But, it was wrong...the way we handled things. We don't blame you for pushing; frankly, it's held us together.”

           “And it was the horrible truth.” Tony sniffed and sat up, letting it all slide away. “Mocha’s getting cold.” I eyed Thor and Bruce at the table and crossed over. Natasha slid it in front of me and I sipped reluctantly.

           “Thank you.”

           “File from Hill. This place is around Egypt. Remote and very well hidden, guarded. Massive. We’re granted some level of clearance but if we interfere with locals or get them hurt, it’s off.” Natasha dropped it near me and we tried to be business as usual. So, I obliged.

           “Did you send this to Professor Xavier and Dr. Richards?”

           “Yes,” Tony let himself get close to me to show me the next pages. “Both teams have their own jet. We can’t get too close this time so we’re working out the drop. Those of us who  _can_  fly.” He cleared his throat. “Might have to carry those who can’t.”

           “Tasha, he’s talking about us.” Clint smirked without dropping the paper in hand. “How will we sleep at night?”

           “Tony has a lot of suits ripe for the taking.” She countered. “He showed me how to use one years ago when I was undercover.”

           “Ah. No. They’re backup for our backup.” Tony peered down at his watch while I read the files further. My friends bickered and joked and I watched their souls swish about with colors, tuning out as I set the file down. At the edge of the counter, I peered between Steve and Tony then Natasha as she moved away to set a cup in the sink. I couldn’t hear them speaking anymore, the colors blared. Tony’s face was turned to Bruce while he spoke, stopping to jump when I touched my knuckles to his neck. “ _Huh_?”

           “Burgundy…to lavender.” I muttered. They went quiet before I turned to Steve and took his hand, turning it over. Colors pulsed and I slid his sleeve up as if to get a better look.

           “…What’s happening?” Natasha asked first.

           “How is you feel when I’m near?” I cocked my head and Tony leaned over.

           “A little creeped out now to be honest.”

           “Do you feel out of control?” I asked, taking Steve's face to search his blue eyes.

           “…Are her secret feelings for Steve coming out?” Tony smirked and Sam came over when I stood to step toward Bruce at the table. He sat back in question so I turned around and pointed to Natasha’s insides.

           “Lavender.” I dropped my hand, sighing. "Odd."

           “Not her color.” Tony piped up again.

           “Quiet,” Sam muttered before me came to me as I pressed my fist to my lips. Finally, he touched my elbow and I jumped. “It’s okay. We need you to explain.”

           “Just a theory.” I looked him up and down and rounded his frame. “You too…Huh.”

           “I love theories.” Tony pressed his lips up. “Usually means I’m about to get choked.”

           “Why don’t you…” Bruce trailed off when I leaned next to him to grab Thor’s jaw and angle his face. Blue eyes darted around but he let me handle him. “…Sit and tell us what you’re…doing?”

           “I love being in the loop.” Clint shrugged. “Think we all do.”

           “It’s happened before. Jane. Logan. Kurt. Jean. Mary Jane. Harry. Fucking Stryker. Shit.” I leaned back. I recalled the way I came to Nerien so willingly. The way he teased my soul out. Nerien had felt this from the first with me in the snow that day. It stemmed there but...  _No_. “Bruce. Do you remember when first you saw the mind gem sitting in Loki’s scepter? When it was in the room? We all were…on edge?”

           “Gem’s gone.” Clint shrugged.

           “Almost,” Natasha added before furrowing her brow with realization. She was a sharp mortal. “ _Oh_ …”

           “Did she just admit she’s the problem?” Tony pointed before everyone snapped to look at him. He raised his hands and Steve pushed his arm. “No offense.”

           “No, I think I know what you…” Bruce removed his glasses to rub his eyes. “If the mind stone at full power made us all so tense, what’s to say the little traces left aren’t causing us to act…you know…?”

           “Buffoonery.” I crossed my arms and he shrugged, amused before he covered it. “No, it isn’t mind control. You’re acting as you should…with just a little…potency perhaps. Lavender…it was the perfect shade of my magic when I first began lessons so long ago. I took comfort in its glow. My power plus the mind gem equals…” I dropped my hands and sighed, seating myself next to Thor. “Loki said himself that the stone touches everyone differently. I’m not manipulating you but my presence brings a certain level of honesty from deep inside your core. An attraction, good or not.” I stared at Bucky and he reclined when it dawned on him in silence. “Perhaps, this is something we should take into account from now on.”

           “Show of hands, who’s having weird dreams now?” Tony raised his arm and everyone followed before I dropped my head into my arms to bury my face with a huff. “And here we have it.”

           “I’m not doing anything,” I was muffled before I sat up to see Loki in the doorway as Ava.

           “No, sweetheart, the mere presence of you inspires loyalty and fear. A fit trait for such a goddess.” She smiled with her teeth and Steve stood up. “Now, now, Captain… I’ve already had my regularly scheduled meltdown of self-destruction.” Loki strutted to a glass wall and brought up a calendar. “I shall have to figure the one I’ll have next year now. How’s late fall?”

           “Should have changed the locks.” Tony muttered over his coffee.

           “I’d have your Jarvis purr if I so pleased.” Loki ran her fingers down the glass to shut the lights off. Before she could rouse anger from anyone else, Loki made it a point to pass behind Thor and tuck some messed locks behind his ear as she went. She sat between us and stole Thor’s plate of breakfast to finish eating with a smirk. They couldn’t touch her with Thor on this Earth. “I hope they don’t believe you force them to act when in reality you bring out that special something in people. Especially mortals. Weak willed.”

           “Loki,” Thor chided, plucking the bacon up from his stolen plate. Loki didn’t ask if Thor was alright, she just stared and prodded as she usually did.

           “My sweetie is intoxicating, what can I say?” Loki took my jaw with a firm hand before planting a kiss on my cheek. “But, she’s certainly earned her relationships. Our father included when we disappointed him. Right, brother? Was he eager to share secrets with you during the battles? I think not. People have always been drawn to my wife, long before that elf came into the picture. Her soul beckoned and screamed and now power has given it what it asked for. Our mother and father should have just adopted her and gotten it over with.”

           “Those times have passed. Father shared plenty with both of us.” Thor replied and Loki smiled.

           “Leaders often share more with their first generals,” she ran her knuckle under my chin and used magic to pour herself a coffee. “That the new file? Goodie.” Tony tried to snatch the papers but Loki waved her hand to collect them.

           “Loki isn’t going.” Steve insisted.

           “Try to stop me.” Loki didn’t budge when Steve crossed over before Bucky and Sam stopped him.

           “Be cool,” Sam uttered and Natasha huffed.

           “How about every time one of us is feeling impulsive, we step back and try to realize if it’s us or our friend bringing the best and worst out of us.”

           “Carefully put, Tasha.” I stole Loki’s coffee before she could reach it, sipping first. “My soul acts merely as a compass. Nothing more. It’s just a theory.”

           “By all means, share if you have more. The world is making sense.” Bruce propped his elbow up on the table.

           “Finally,” Clint added. “We take Loki, he might die.”

           “A charming thought and compelling argument,” Loki winked.

           “Thanos might find the fight a little more worthwhile.” Bucky added, pushing Steve into a seat. “Focus.” He whispered in a tender tone before sitting. We didn’t look at each other purposefully.

           “Let them know we’ll be ready then,” Steve shrugged, “all of us.” Tony stood to respond.

           “Hope you all had your suits dry cleaned.”

** ** **

           The cusp of the Mediterranean Sea was windy this night. My chest twisted with discomfort while I leaned over a rock next to Steve. He was looking over with a set of binoculars and Bucky loaded a weapon behind him. “It’s full.” He shook his head and peered at me. I agreed with silence and touched his shoulder. “We’re going to be spotted immediately.” I surveyed the group behind me. Bruce. Sam. Natasha. Jean. Bucky. I tried to sense everyone else in the perimeter. Thor. Loki. Ororo. Logan. Clint. Ben. All off to the left. Closer than us. Tony. Reed. Scott. Rhodes. Johnny. Sue. Closing in below to survey the gate.

           “We charge quickly then,” Logan offered with a note of sarcasm in my ear. “Not getting any younger.” The land around us shook with a sudden ringing along the air. My senses into the underground blurred together and it was difficult to pick up specific souls.

           “What is that?” Sam muttered next to me. “Happens every twenty minutes.”

           “Sue’s in pursuit.” Reed paused.

           “It sounds like…a drill.” Scott added.

           “Something…dark is deep in this facility. It isn’t Thanos…not in person but it feels…” I trailed off, wind picked up my braided hair.

           “They…whoa, I see it.” Sue called us to attention over the mic. “They’re digging, must be hundreds of yards down now.”

           “We need to get in.” Steve fixed his shield. “We need to do it now. They’ve got heavy artillery. Air support. This is going to get ugly.”

           “Let’s not waste any time, my friends.” Thor offered, always so certain. I smiled and stood, lifting up to follow Jean below. Search lights turned around along the air and I inhaled.

           “Everyone, get into position. Oh my mark. You know what to do.” Steve commanded and wind whistled still as we all spread out. Peter crawled up a post behind me and Jean brought her hands up toward the iron fence, ready. All of us were calling off to let him know it was time before he sighed. “Thor. Storm.”

           “In the air,” Ororo replied, calm.

           “At your call.” Thor agreed.

           “Light it up.” Steve beckoned before the sky stretched, lightning crackled violently and sparks charged down all along the facility. Lights exploded. Rain fell. Alarms that began were instantly cut as the power went out and backup generators tried to salvage poorly. Wind whipped around my body before the thunder clapped. Peter jumped over me at the same time Jean used her power to bend fences over and shove cars aside. I lifted to join Peter, jumping down to take out every turret before sprays of bullets lit up the air to join the cracks of thunder. The rain covered us and the Hulk roared behind me. Chaos spread. I kicked one man down and tackled a woman before she could get into a jet.

           “Take out those vehicles!” Steve was ordering to the others. I sucked the life from one man and Logan sliced into another behind me. We nodded and I jumped over a rail to join Peter, Steve, and Natasha. Above, Iron Man and War Machine blasted holes all over the building to get us inside. The Thing and Hulk took out every vehicle near with ease as if it was a game. Scott blazed a hole into the side wall and nodded for us to follow him in. Jean joined in and I ran ahead.

           “Six up the stairs. Three, elevator. Two, behind you!” I spun and Scott blasted them away. Jean held the elevator shut and let it drop before I paused, breath hitching up.

           “Guys? Wait.” Peter stopped to tug at me and the others turned when he said my name.

            _“Come closer,”_  Thanos rumbled,  _“I dare you.”_

“It’s nothing.” I shook my head and Steve stopped me.

           “You've got to talk to us.” He cupped the back of my neck and I nodded, swallowing.

           “He’s…here. I can’t explain it. Not in body. He’s watching us. Carefully. I think he's after something. It must be me. But...” The door to the stairs opened and Peter jerked a web to close it, snickering to himself.

           “We’re talking,” he called before bullets shot through and Steve knocked one armored man away with his shield while we took the rest out. I spun, magic sliced through the air and one man fell before I absorbed another woman behind him.

           “Hill? How are we?” Natasha touched her ear and led us off.

           “Good shape. Shield has eyes inside now. We’re pulling from those computers as fast as we can since Barton, Richards, and Storm got in. Keep it up. Find out what’s below if you can. Psyche might be onto something.”

           “Split up.” Steve offered and Scott was already rushing away. “Thought so.”

           “Jean and I will get in, keep the connection open.” He called as they went.

           “Come on, kid,” Natasha cocked her head and took the stairs with Peter.

           “I’m going below,” I hurried off but Steve followed.

           “You’re not going alone.” He pressed his lips, hand on my arm and I took a little comfort in that.

           “We’re not interrupting, yes?” Thor flew down from a hole above, dropping Loki and Bucky next to him. He was fully charged, spinning Mjolnir to cast lightning all around. The lights flickered and dimmed. He led us below into battle. We met up with Sue at a computer and she appeared from thin air, sending a force field around us to absorb bullets. Loki kicked her foot up into a scientist and snapped their neck so we could continue. Sue and I locked eyes before she sent up a force field and I charged magic into it. Light whizzed as it expanded and took out every nearby enemy with a beam of light.

           “Not bad,” she puffed and I smirked.

           “You as well.”

           “I’m in,” Bucky leaned over a screen. “They’re not even trying.”

           “That’s why we’re worried,” Sue joined him. “We need to find out what they’re after. Seems like some kind of weapons from a rumor. Why would Hydra spend so much time on rumors?”

           “Maybe  _someone_  told them it wasn’t a rumor?” I shrugged and looked at her. The building rumbled around us. “Getting deeper will be impossible, but if we can get what we need here; this may not be in vain.”

           “You might be right,” she sighed. “We’ll unlock any secret here regardless. Reed worked with Shield on this data decryption for a few weeks. They won’t have anywhere left to hide. See anyone below?”

           “It’s…a jumbled mass.” I shrugged. “Tony and Rhodes are down there, clearing it.”

           “You and Thor should get back to the surface, keep it open with the rest of them above.” Steve nodded and I hesitated. “We’re getting out soon, we need it open.”

           “Steve, something vile is beneath us.” I urged. “It is drawing me in.”

           “We’re not here to open the gates to hell,” Bucky shrugged and I closed my fists.

           “We’re winning,” Steve touched my chin. “We got them. Go. Take  _Ava_.”

           “Gladly.” Loki joined me but Thor heaved her up first and took off. I chuckled and followed, spinning around corridors before I paused and turned when I felt a lingering scientist. I rushed toward them and knocked the gun from their hands. They looked at me, wide eyed, and tried to eat a cyanide capsule. I’d flicked it out of reach.

           “A little dated if you ask me.” I gripped their jaw and felt it crack. “You have children. They’ll miss you.” I dug around while they screamed. Yes. A weapon beneath. Deep below this world. Thanos called for it to awake. But, what was it? “Tell me what Thanos wants!?” I urged but realized I’d crushed their skull to pieces with my palm. I blinked and lifted my hand, chunks of brain dripped from me when I swiped it across their lab coat and flew up to join Thor.

            _“Are you losing your touch?”_  Thanos asked and I set my jaw.

           “Late!” He swung Mjolnir and tossed three soldiers on the roof flying away.

           “I was held up.” I shrugged as my magic swirled with Loki’s and blasted another round of Hydra’s men. Thor lifted into the air and I joined him. Loki called after us.

           “Not fair!” She picked up a heavy gun and used it as a bat, cracking helmets and skulls apart. Knifes materialized from her fingers, deftly landing critical hits since no hero was around to expose her. The rain slowed while I fought with Thor to tear a jet apart before it could even lift up. We were isolated near the corner of the building as we battled off Hydra’s advances side by side like we were back on Asgardian soil once more.

           “Bored?” He called.

           “With you? Never!” I shrugged, jerking a helicopter from the sky behind him. “You missed one.”

           “It was a gift for you!” He joked.

           “It’s too closed off, we’re getting the last of what we need,” Rhodes spoke in my ear.

           “In pursuit,” Maria Hill responded. Thor and I were soaked and dirty; he wiped his arm along his lips and peered at me across the way with his usual smile. All glowing and ready for more. _This beautiful boy_. Unable to help myself, I grinned in return at his actions but, the ground snapped open behind him. Thor was still smiling at me as he landed, looking bright and youthful before his body gave a jerk. Among the raining chaos, I felt time slow as his smile faded and Mjolnir looked heavy in his hand. He lowered it. I realized I was far from him and gasped when he turned in a stumbling motion along the roof to show me the claw deeply embedded into his back like a vicious bear trap. Green and purple fluids pumped into his skin from attached tubes.

           “Thor?” I puffed, landing and unheard before he looked at me with big, blue eyes. Tremors. The lavender in his soul faded to nothingness and I screamed this time. “ _Thor?!”_ The claw yanked at him like he was a chosen prize in a machine and he opened his mouth to cry out in shock. In fear. In pain. I burst forward at the same time a sleek jet lifted into the sky and dragged him with it. Loki was shouting below me. My friends were gone when my earpiece yanked from my ear. The rain stilled completely. I reached out and Thor reach back to me before Mjolnir charged in a sudden motion like it ripped from his hand, forcing me to dodge before it could crush me. It kept going, disappearing upon the horizon. My body grew with blind fury. Thor was struggling as he was heaved up into a steel trap on the side of the plane. His sides were bloody where the claws dug in. I heard Thanos laughing and booming in my ears.

           Only then did I feel a dirty and familiar soul in the jet, joyous. Rumlow. Thor was still reaching for me with hope and terror in his eyes before a sonic boom about peeled the skin from my bones, sending me plummeting to the Earth. I watched Thor’s watery eyes disappear into his new prison before my body was sent three floors down, crashing into a set of computers. My ears were ringing, I moaned and rolled over. The blast had leveled half the building, sent the drill crashing into the hole it had made, and when I sighted the first flicker of enemy life below; I got to my feet and crashed down two more floors to get to them.

           “He wanted her alive,” one man stopped the second from lifting his gun. “We die with glory. It’s over. You’ve lost.”

           “Where…did they take Thor?” I was shaken in a heated rage that threatened to explode. A black hole burst open within my chest. I looked at my hands and wondered why they weren’t strong enough.

           “We were not told, of course. You have nothing.” The second chuckled and my tears burned my eyes. “Your heroes will scatter and fall. One by one. He’ll come for you in the end, you whiny cunt.”

            _There_. I felt the snap. Licked my chops. Smiled.  _This is better._

           “I’m sure…you both are aware…” I was floating in cloud nine. Higher and higher. I reached out and felt invisible strings winding around his limbs. “Asgardians hold back…when they come to Earth.” They both tried to move and realized I was holding them in place. Consuming them completely. “We might…” I ran my hand down his side and crushed his hip. “…break something.” He crumbled, screaming while his friend looked at me, unable to speak and regretting his words. I reached down, flicking my middle finger into his sternum, shattering his ribcage to pieces. He couldn’t lift his chest and laid there choking on blood. I watched him for a lingering moment, nourished. “Where was he taken?” Of course they didn’t know.

           “Thanos-” The second heaved and I smiled.

           “He’s laughing at all of us. Pawns.” I spat in his face, vibrating with such fire.

           Unable to keep myself together. I reeled my fist back, screamed, and punched a hole into his stomach. His organs were warm and still pulsing as I dug around, filling his chest with those sunset lights. Only glowing when I was raw and ignited.

          “Amazing though, what mortal bodies can survive.” I violated him. He just stood there and took it because  _I made him_. I was gone. Drowning. Nerien pulled my hair and I revved. This man shook and couldn’t even scream out. “How does it feel to be invaded, by a  _whiny cunt_? You pray for the end but, oh, I’m healing you just enough so you’ll stay alive for this. I feel your soul. Like tar. Dirty. Calling out to me. I’ll ravish it.” I brought him to the floor, smelled blood and piss as he wet himself. _Yes. This is much better._ I cupped his heart in my hand and felt my own body pulse with sexual pleasure. As I looked at this piece of shit, I found myself remembering my stepfather. The Elders. Stryker. Every man who every conspired to violate me. Red filled the voids around my body. My friends uttered those vile things back into my ears. Asgard burned me alive. Loki betrayed me all over. These visions flashed and quaked.

 _No, I was not always in control. But, I was more in control than them. How utterly horrifying._  My synapses all snapped apart.  _Stop_. My lips curled, showing my teeth as I snarled. He was still alive when I cracked the rest of his chest open, exposing him. His heart was beating warm in my hand so I coddled it back to life.

          “Tell Thanos to come and get me.” I heaved, lips opening. The metallic scent intoxicated me. My senses all shut off at once. I’d closed my lips around muscle and bit down, ripping stringy tissue away to chew. He was gone but my father was here. Stryker was here. I was here. Eating them all at once. Gods dine with devils and still make room for dessert when the conversation stimulates so ardently. Maybe I was not God or monster but the devil charged forth from hell. A demon. A judge. A heathen. Did it matter?

          I only ever cared to deal with the guilty. And the dead. They wanted me to speak for them all.

          My soul increased to new heights. I roared and devoured the heart, my jaw ached. I was screaming and crying and eating. With every bite, something peculiar happened. I was pulled away. My voided senses were replaced with his. I saw visions. Memories. The scent of blackberry pie from his childhood. The first woman he kissed, I kissed. The charge of firing a gun for the first time jolted my arms. The smell of burning bodies. The fear when I stepped in the room. I felt him. I took him. I saw him. All of it. I was splashing in blood and halfway through the heart, his soul flooded me to further my power.

          This new discovery would have sent me spinning if I hadn’t looked up to see Tony, my dear friend, staring back at me from the doorway. My eyes were pitch black and glowing gold then orange, veins charging dark while the remnants of the heart squirted crimson between my fingers. The blood lust ravaged me, I longed to continue. To feel more from this man while my core rotted from the inside out. I’d never touched a soul this way. Tony was just watching in horror, hand lifting as if to calm me before I screeched and he pressed into the wall, his suit whirred softer.

           “Guys, I found her. Get Ava up here now…” Tony tried to approach when I didn’t blink, eyes ablaze. The heart was mush in my palms. “Easy, Psych, come here. Drop the… _oh god_.” I was purring and ravenous, growling like a beast in heat. Tony was horrified. Utterly. Completely. I watched him realize that The Avengers were no longer in control. I lunged, hands cracking the stone floor as I covered him, blood dripped from my lips and onto his cheek. He shuddered and closed his eyes before calling me by my name so gently. “Thor, they took him. We need you, come on. He talked about…this state Asgardians get in. Snap out of it.” I watched his soul flutter with different winding colors and relaxed at the sight of lavender.

           “Anthony,” I croaked, breaking apart. My lips opened and quivered with heat, my tiny voice cracked.  _Why did you all have to go and say those things about me, Anthony?_

           “Yes.” Tony nodded. “Maybe blink and back off a little.” My chest sunk and I flew off him, pressing back into the wall as I fell into a pit of panic. I looked around and touched my chest.

           “ _Thor_.” I squeaked. “I couldn’t reach him. I tried.” I hitched a sob and began to hold my head before beating on it.

           “Cut that shit out!” Tony gripped my wrists with metal fingers. “Guys! Hurry it up!” I peered at the bodies I’d mutilated and struggled.

           “What’d I do?” I cried. “It’s my fault. It wasn’t me he wanted. It was Thor! It was Thor…” I heard a soft curse behind Tony before Jean Grey was kneeling at my side.

           “Hey,” she soothed, taking my face. “She’s in shock. Get her away from here. Logan, help.” So many hands were forcing me up to get me to walk. I was muttering and unresponsive. Tony half flew me into the soil to join the others. I fell into some mud on my knees and Loki was shaking me, eyes red and swelled. The sound of waves hushed along my ears, they’d dragged me to shore. Steve was calling off to ensure everyone had gotten out. My soul spread thin against the land around us and something caressed it.

           A force that had been waiting for me to come unleash it.

           “Sweetheart,” she soothed, "Barnes, help me.” My friend were gathering as Loki pulled off her coat and dunked it into the water, forcing it against my face to wash the blood from my lips and chin. Bucky was behind me, letting me fall against him so I blubbered and pushed at Loki’s attempts. My breathing was wheezy and deep as my lungs gripped to sweet air. “I can’t lose you too.” She’d whispered so softly.

           “They took him. I reached. I tried. They took him. It was him. My fault,” My eyes darted around. “Father?” I welled up and Loki took my face.

           “He is dead.” She urged, crestfallen. “But, you are not. Thor is not. You saw it all happen. You were closer than I. We need to you tell us exactly what you saw, in detail so that we might find a lead.”

           “He’s not worthy anymore.” I blinked. “He threw a star at me.”

           “Maria’s here for the pickup.” Natasha kneeled down. “We all just need to get healthy and figure this data. It’ll give us the lead.”

           “Tell me what you saw! Now! Speak up!” Loki shook me so hard, I slapped at her.

           “He threw a star at me and disappeared into Thanos’ arms!” I cried out when Loki slapped me in return, Bucky and Steve yanked me away from her while Tony and Storm were pulling Loki aside.

           “She knows something more! I feel it! They took him! They took my brother!” Loki heaved, his illusion burned away like fire, eching shock into everyone else. Water rose high and blasted away. “I cannot lose her as well!” Magic billowed from him like smoke and we all were tossed backwards a few feet by a gust of wind. At last, my soul snapped to focus. Something beneath the Earth cracked open and only I felt it. It reached out to touch me with fervor this time and then...nothing. Nothing. My fingers sunk into soil before Steve got me up.

           “We need to get out of here,” he ordered. “Now. We’re no use to Thor if we’re wasting time.” He marched me ahead of them, stoic while I clung to his body.

           “Under the Earth,” I muttered, pulling at Steve as I stumbled and he held me, “black holes in reverse. Stars. They all love me. I’m going to eat them too.” Steve nodded and pretended to be strong, going with whatever nonsense I offered. I tried to articulate well but it was all gone. He heaved me into another room on our ride out and set me on a sink to further clean me up, I fussed around and kept trying to get up but he calmly seated my restless body back down. Blind fingers tugged at my clothing and hair, trying to come back to this world in full. Steve had to use his own body as a barrier to keep me in place so he could tend to me properly. My legs opened to squeeze his hips. I shook erratically and kept wiping the back of my hand across my lips. “Father? I saw them all. They tried to take me.”

           “Hey. We’re going home.” Steve was jilted as well, he forced me to drink some water and I washed out my mouth. Strings of tissue were spat into the sink before I gulped mouthwash.

           “This is wrong.” I shook my head, sniffing before I lifted the bottle of mouthwash to drink. “What’d I do?”

           “You’re actually not supposed to…swallow that.” Steve pulled the bottle from me and smoothed the hair from my face.

           “They all were there. Watching.” My hand lifted beyond him. “Lined up. Told me… Told me I’d… The Norns were there too. Did you feel the quake under the Earth? People are praying to me. At last.” Steve tugged my arm down and I smeared blood on his suit while I clung to his collar to get him to look at me. I tried to paint words when they wouldn’t come coherently to my lips. “Let go. They want me to burn. To fly. The Norns…their eyes touched my soul. Third degree burns. Go, they said. Return. Ravish.”

           “They’re not here. Okay? Just you and me. Like before when we were in DC. You were there for me and I…I owe you. You’re young by Asgardian standards too, aren’t you? Bit younger than Thor and Loki? Young adult, fresh into college it seems. Tony’s words. You’ve seen horrid things and had to carry that. You’re not a child, I know it and they do. Even if they tease. You’ve had to make sacrifices and you made choices men my age couldn’t. You’ll pull through this. We’re your friends, let us be. Alright?  You’re a grown woman and a hero and you’re not alone here.” Steve was cleaning my cheek with a warm cloth. “Bucky told me some stuff.”

           “He wants to kiss me.” I sniffled. “Most of you have wanted to kiss me. Lavender has that effect. I’d kiss all of you. Stars, they want me to take my clothes off. Hold them.” I unzipped the top of my suit and Steve’s eyes went wide before he stopped me. “You all dream of me. Sometimes sexually.”

           “You’re married.” Steve tried to joke and I touched his chest to get him to look down at me while he cleaned my neck and hands.

           “Loki is weak for Thor.” I paused. “He threw a star at me and then he was gone. Asgard is closed to Earth now. It is not safe. Thor…he was the bifrost. Compromised.”

           “Star…” Steve furrowed his brow before it connected. “Do you mean Mjolnir?”

           “I let him do things. He put his fingers into my mouth.” I muttered and Steve took my face in his hands.

           “He threw Mjolnir, he doesn’t have his hammer anymore? You said he wasn’t worthy. Where did Mjolnir go?” Steve coaxed and I tried to stitch synapses back together.

           “Hungry.” I quivered. “That man tasted like blackberry pie and ash. It was so clear. So filthy. So perfect. Stars are dropping like flies because I ask them too. The Norns licked at my skin and told me to go back and return another time.” I grinned broader and Steve nodded. “Down.”

           “Down?”

           “Up.”

           “Up?” Steve tried, sighing. Someone knocked on the door behind us in this cramped bathroom. “Hold on.” The door opened and Steve huffed, turning to whisper as Tony barged in.

           “I just saw her literally eat someone’s heart. We’re losing it, Steve.”

           “We’re not…not yet. I’m not tossing my towel in the ring, Tony. Give her a few minutes, she knows something.”

           “She knows everything.” Tony hissed. “I think?”

           “Mjolnir went somewhere. It’s not with Thor.” Steve uttered and Tony stood taller. “Why?”

           “Probably went for take-out, I’m not the last word in magical hammers.”

           “Mjolnir comes to Thor because he’s worthy. Mjolnir left Thor because it decided he wasn’t? Why? It…knows something we don’t.” Steve shrugged and Tony pointed as I tried to unzip myself. Steve stopped me and held my hands. “Tell Tony what you told me.” They fussed over me like two parents.

           “You’re telling me a hammer is ahead of the game and we’re not?” Tony scoffed.

           “Tell Tony what you told me.” Steve nodded and I opened my lips.

           “You all have sex dreams about me,” I uttered and Tony’s eyes went a little wide. “And dreams about me murdering everyone in their beds.”

           “No, not… _that_.” Steve shook his head.

           “Please, don’t ever mention that again. Not that you’re…not good at it. I’m in a committed thing, you know? You met Pepper.” Tony added, mortified.

           “Mjolnir seeks to comfort another,” I tugged at Steve. “Hold me.”

           “See?” Steve embraced me idly and Tony was flat in his expression. “We find need to find the hammer.”

           “Not like it’ll bring us to Thor if he’s suddenly not worthy of it.”

           “It didn’t just drop, it was sent somewhere,” Steve insisted and I nodded.

           “Thor…I gave him it because I was…I couldn’t say sorry. He didn’t understand. He crushed me. But, when they plucked him up, I felt…the dirty soul.  _Pretty messed up what happened to him.”_ I shuddered and Steve’s eyes changed.

           “Rumlow’s involved.” He clenched his jaw and peered at Tony. I closed my eyes and tried to come back into my skin.

            “Thor, needs us. Thanos desired him…from the start. Not me. I was so  _vain_.” I chuckled and began to weep into Steve’s chest at full blast.

           “We need help,” Tony insisted. “We need to get  _her_  some help, it’s too much for her to carry alone. I’ve seen this. I know this. We have three gods among us and they’re the prime targets. Steve, one Asgardian was just kidnapped by a titan. Another has currently locked himself into a room, literally overflowing with rage magic that might get us all killed. The next isn’t even allowed to sleep, it’s killing her. He’s torturing her, Steve. You know it, I know it. Whatever plan he has, he’s got Thor and he’s coming for her next. Loki is useless, frankly but he’ll be a good audience. We can’t stand by. Our friend needs help. Look at her. She's in so much pain. Can't hide it.”

           “We’ll convince the Fantastic Four and X-Men to help. They believe us now. They know we’re better united. All of us. More will follow, Tony, trust the odds. You think the government will help us? They’ll make it worse. Things have changed. They're not in this for the people, but we are.”

           “The world falls, it’ll be on us.”

           “Exactly,” Steve was petting my hair. “This is our best chance. There is no better authority to fight a damn titan, what else can we do? We keep moving forward.” Tony huffed when they locked eyes. So much belief and determination pulsed between two hearts. He shifted his focus.

           “We need to get this girl rested without threat of a titan violating her mind. You didn’t see what I did. She ate it. It wasn’t the mind stone. It was…Thor mentioned something similar.”

           “Berserker,” I was muffled. “It’s only seen in Thor. I was…I don’t know. I slipped.”

           “Thanos wants to manipulate you into a string of mental breakdowns. He'll keep you from sleep until you're falling apart. He knows we need you. He’s manipulating all of us, isn’t he? Deny it.” Tony insisted and slowly, I nodded. The door slipped back open and Loki stood there, a complete mess. My legs were still around Steve’s hips as I pressed against him. “We’re talking.”

           “Leave us.” He puffed, sullen.

           “You honestly think-?”            

           “Let me grieve with my wife for a few minutes alone.” Loki spoke over Steve and I let my breath out, nodding.

           “It’s okay…tell them all. Steve, they will believe in you.” I released him. “You must try. You could use this amazing privilege you have to help those who cannot shed a light on the suffering… You can help others and change their minds. Both of you can together. Go.” Loki shifted around them and came to me, touching my head gently when I nodded. The door shut and we were alone.

           “I’m sorry, Loki, I couldn’t get to him.” I cracked and he followed easily, with less grace.

           “No, sweetheart, it wasn’t your fault.”

           “It was,” I insisted. “Thanos played this from the beginning. He has my blood. He has Thor.”

           “Thor is stronger than all of us, it’s almost annoying. We’ll bring my brother back. I’ll bring him back.” Loki kissed my forehead. “If Thanos makes you choose…you must promise me…if he makes you choose between Thor or I. You pick Thor. You promise me.” Loki was crying and I tremored. “ _Promise me_.” Loki held my face and kissed me.

           Loki would never forgive me if I didn’t.

           “Can’t.” I whined out when I could barely speak.

           “Yes. Yes, you can. You save Thor. Not me.” Loki wiped my tears aside. “Promise me. Promise me and mean it. Don’t lie. Make me believe you.”

           “I…” I hitched up to calm myself and sniffled, looking into his eyes. “I promise you. I’ll save Thor.”

           “Shield knows about me,” Loki huffed slightly. “My days might be numbered.”

           “The Avengers will convince them to let you stay.” I paused and he pressed against my body to embrace me. “They won’t like it. But, I’m certain of that.” I felt myself well up and muffled into his chest. “I’m sorry, Loki. Please forgive me.”

           “It isn’t your fault.” Loki rubbed my back as I smoothed my hands along his chest and sides, holding him to me.

           “But, I am sorry.” I muttered, his heartbeat was in my ear. “I want you to forgive me.” I was toneless. Wandering. Loki jolted backwards when I cupped his unaroused shaft.

           “What are you doing? We can’t… What are you doing?”

           “I wanted you to forgive me.” I mumbled, wiping my eyes. “I am sorry.”

           “You don’t…need to use your body as an apology.” Loki exhaled. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to forgive.”

           “I don’t understand.” I uttered, shaking my head. “It’s my fault.”

           “It’s not.” He about squished my cheeks. “None of us, not even Thor, could have prevented his abduction.” Loki held me and my lips touched his ear.

           “No, silly.” I whispered, haunted. “Not for what happened to Thor… But, what is  _going_  to happen to him.” Loki nearly hissed and reeled back to see my eyes change.

           “Enough.” He insisted, the hands on my face slipped to my throat. I prayed for this thumbs to just press down. “What’s going to happen to Thor? What do they want with my brother?”

           “He wanted to be inside me,” my lips quivered, eyes faded to normal. “I let him hide inside me.” I slipped Loki’s hand down my body, just over my pelvis. “They’re going to force me inside him instead. I’m a gem. I let Nerien carve me from precious jewels and steel. I let the Norns polish and return me. Thanos will collect me when ready and use me to decorate his throne. I carried my weight in glittering gold and still you don’t  _see?”_ My voice hitched up higher in pitch before I cocked my head back to laugh. I felt my skin unfurl around my muscles before I yanked Loki forward and dug my teeth into his collar. He ripped from me and yelled out while I fell forward onto my hands and knees. His curse roused the people in the other room as I dropped my head to the floor, spine curving to press against flesh.

           “She bit me.” Loki huffed across the way.

           “She’s still in shock, back up,” Bruce approached me in a fresh set of baggy clothing. Heaving, I coughed and realized I was choking on something sharp and brittle. I beat the floor and clawed at my neck when Bruce jumped to attention and heaved me up and perform the Heimlich but Bucky rushed over and nearly punched me in the stomach. The item dislodged and skipped across the floor to Loki’s feet. I tasted blood after it scratched my insides before Loki grew chilled and picked up a piece of rock, dark and volcanic. He recognized the origin and dropped it as Bruce eased me against the ground, shining a light into my mouth. “Did…Did she swallow that?” Tony kneeled to see it too and shook his head when Loki spoke.

           “No…it appeared inside her.” Loki’s chest rose. “It is from Thanos’ realm. Sanctuary.”

           “She’s in a catatonic state,” Jean kneeled to my level and helped Bruce angle my head so I’d keep breathing properly.  _Speak_ , I urged, eyes wide and darting. Nothing.

           “Ben.” Sue looked to his massive frame, lowering his head to come in.

           “I got her,” he hauled me up in his stone arms. “Best we can do is keep her comfortable until she comes out of it. Be back.” I stared into nothingness and let my temple touch his bare chest. _Wake up._ I felt a pain deep within him and wept softly because of it until he set me down on a bed.

           “I’ll sit with her,” Jean was at the door with Scott. Solemn, he nodded.

           “Xavier is going to have to make a decision about this.” He added when Ben passed to go out. “All of us are at risk now.”

           “We fight.” Ororo agreed, patting his back.

           “Go meet with them, fill me in.” Jean had kissed him and came to my side, invisible forces pulled a chair up. “I’m going to hook you up to that machine so I can monitor you better until we get back. I’d look into your head but, that doesn’t seem to work.” She touched my wrist and took my hand after a moment of silence. Again, I began to tear up so she let go. Jean was so isolated, even among such close friends. I felt her fear and the things she’s overcome to stand here as such a wondrous person. “I’m sorry.”

           “Pain.” I blurted out.

           “Can I help?” Bucky rounded the corner and Jean nodded. Metal fingers laced into mine so Jean shifted around to press wires against my skin. I didn’t move. I didn’t think. I didn’t sleep. I just stared into the abyss and longed for Thor’s sparkling eyes to look back.

** ** **

           It had been a week and I’d still found no use for speaking. I lulled in chairs around my room with Naaki and Loki went to meetings as my friends plotted and tiptoed. Thor was gone. I hadn’t slept so Thanos couldn’t even laugh in my face. Loki ushered me into bed and held me, I stayed wide eyed for hours. He put food in front of me, I ate. He put me in the bath and I sat there until he got me out. I wandered the tower alone like a ghost and they let me. Loki talked at me a lot and only sometimes, did he let my friends in to talk at me as well. All I heard were Thor’s screams. The sound of the beating heart before it squelched when I’d bitten it. I screamed in my head. I screamed to stay awake. I screamed that Thor needed me to pull it together.

           “Won’t you speak to me?” Loki uttered, meeting my eyes in the mirror while he brushed my hair, scrunching my wet curls into a towel. “I’m not being tossed into prison. Seems you and Thor did enough. I proved a useful ally to keep me out by the silly luck I’ve been so granted.”

           I blinked.

           “Yes, I know you’re glad I’m here with you. They need you but, I’m selfish so I say that I need you more. Please. Talk to me. To them. We’ll find a way to get you rested. We can’t locate Thor properly. It’s as if any trace of Thanos and Hydra has disappeared until they see fit to come out. They’re biding time. Whatever they’d been digging for caused a massive earthquake. The X-Men are searching because Xavier likened the energy to one of his own mutants. Whatever it was…it’s also gone. I must have felt it.” Loki turned my head and tilted my chin up, massaging lotion into my neck and down under my robe along my shoulders. Abruptly, I lifted my hand so fast, he jumped but allowed me to tug his shirt down to see the light teeth marks into his collarbone.

           “No, sweetheart,” he played like we were having a real conversation. “I’m not upset with you. They tell me you are in a state of catatonia arising from your mental illness. The torture. The breaks. Thanos is pushing you, I know he is.”

           My face twitched and I turned away.

           “I’m trying to be strong, I appreciate that you see that. Thor…idiot. I have to get him back. I need you,” Loki purred my name and dropped his head to my shoulder, drying my hair with magic. “I can’t do this without you.”

           My chest sunk.

           “No, I believe that wholeheartedly.” Loki took my chin again. “I need you and I’m not ashamed that I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. You are the strongest person I know in spirit. You live with these horrors and fight with them and I love you no less. Thor needs both of us. And his teammates and you know it grieves me to admit such a thing. They require us to get Thor back, it’s his best chance. Please, come back to me.” Loki would not weep. He couldn’t. Not until he was alone in the bathroom. So, he sniffled hard and pulled me into the closet to push some clothing into my arms, helping with clasps or zippers. I turned to face Loki after he fixed the sleeves of my dress, lace brushed against my leggings while I stepped toward him and placed my forehead against his.

           “Lavender,” I rasped and Loki’s eyes went wide. “Hope.” The sun was high; heat washed out by wind while I left Loki to climb to the top of the tower. I sat at Tony’s bar and watched the sun shift until the elevator door opened an hour later.

           “Loki told them you spoke,” Mary Jane stepped out with a smile. “I’m sorry…about what happened.”

           “I like your shoes.” I dropped my eyes and she thanked me. We’d both lost close friends, unable to reach out and get them back. She came to sit with me before Natasha and Sharon climbed from the stairs.

           “Jarvis said you were up here,” Natasha crossed and Sharon placed a briefcase next to me.

           “Seeing as Loki is supposed to be telling you what we’ve gathered at meetings...and I don’t trust him to share all the details, I compiled this with Maria for you. Just some files to help you catch up.” She pressed a smile and left it on the bar behind me.

           “Nick thinks Thor is going to come to us. It won’t be pretty if that’s the case.” Natasha didn’t lie, leaning next to Mary Jane. “You have to understand that if they’re building weapons from your blood, it’s probably of the mind control variety.”

           “Thor…would give them hell if they tried.” I swallowed, eyes elsewhere. “Thank you, Sharon. I appreciate this.” I pressed my hand over the case. They treated me like I was part of this team. Important. Trusted. Not unstable. “I’m still…jumbled. If I can assist…let me try.”

           “You can,” Natasha sighed and I frowned. “That’s the problem, it’s not… We don't want to push you. Or risk you getting hurt further. It was suggested that if we put you to sleep for a few hours, you might be able to get something out of Thanos. He must be feeling pretty smug after… You don’t have to.”

           “It would be controlled, we’d monitor your brain. Wake you.” Sharon added. "It's not something we'd do soon. It's too risky."

           “I am…vulnerable when I sleep.” I whispered.

           “You don’t have to do this,” Mary Jane offered and I nodded.

           “We can talk about it tomorrow,” Natasha nodded. “With everyone.”

           “It’s possible…if I shift a few runes around… A talented telepath might be able to see inside and share any message.” I hinted.

           “We’ll talk.” Natasha briefly touched my arm in passing and Sharon nodded so they left me. Mary Jane watched me tug at my sleeves before she spoke.

           “Peter talks about you a lot. We both do. You don’t have to talk about any of this if it hurts. I can talk for us.” She got me to smile and peer from the horizon to her face.

           “How to you like school these days?”

           “Hard not to be distracted.” She shrugged. “I want to model. I want to be an actress. But, now as I’m looking at college, maybe I could major in psychology. Help people.”

           “You will succeed at anything you want to do, Mary Jane.”

           “Think so?” M.J. pressed her lips.

           “Oh, yes. I’ve known so…many different and wonderful girls, who grew to be women I am still inspired by.” I held myself. “Even now. You should keep up your lessons in the art of battle here though, you’re quite talented. Remember, Mary Jane, I see your soul. I see your potential. Do anything and everything your heart desires. Do not ever be held back.” I pressed my lips and picked up the case. “I should face the others while I shake myself back to life.” She followed me into the elevator and I pressed a button. “Gods, I keep thinking about Thor. He must be…so terrified.”

           “I thought that about Harry.” M.J. added and I sighed.

           “Have they sighted him again?”

           “They say they might have seen him in one place but Doctor Octavius in another. They’re…I don’t know. It’s hard to keep track with everything else.” She paused. “Peter is beating himself up over it.”

           “Yes, I-” The doors opened and Loki stood there, pausing when he met my eyes. “You know, I’ll wait a bit longer but I’ll join you all downstairs in a moment. All right?”

           “Yeah.” She nodded and I got out, staring up at Loki. The doors closed and I clutched the case to my chest while I tried to find words.

           “I am trying…” I searched. “I’m trying to be strong. For Thor. You’re better at it than I.”

           “I don’t think that’s true,” Loki cupped my jaw and came down to kiss my head and then my lips.

           “Can I keep you?” I murmured and Loki’s smile drew warmth along my body.

           “For another thousand lifetimes, sweetheart,” he cocked his head and turned. “Come, we have work to do.” Loki’s back faced me and time stilled while a hand tucked my hair aside to kiss the shell of my ear.

           “He was always so pitiful,” Thor uttered in a tone that vibrated with Thanos’ voice at the same time. “Especially around you. I know all your secrets now, girl.”

            _Let him go_ , I urged.  _Take me instead._

“I had you from the first.” Thor insisted and I opened my mouth, trying to alert Loki with no avail. “When shall you tell him what we know?” Cracking my neck, I ignored him and walked forward. “Silence? We know it well.”

            _You can’t use Thor’s mind to get to me, I’ll find you, beast_.

           “Then his body will have to do as well, I suppose.” I looked back to see Thanos’ realm opening up and I stepped away when the carpet and walls peeled to rot. Thor was gone. Backing up, I bumped into Loki and clutched the files closer, almost crushing them.

           “Alright, sweetheart?” He turned and slipped an arm around my waist, gathering my body into his. My eyes slid down his face and I avoided the question.

           “Hold me?” I pressed my head under his collar and waited for the elevator doors to open.

           “You don’t have to ask such things from me.” Loki spoke and guided me inside. The ashes closed in just before the doors shut and my face didn’t change. “Do you remember everything that day in battle?”

           “After Thor was taken, it’s fuzzy.” I blinked. “I remember you all trying to care for me and talk to me. I remember wanting to just attack everyone. I remember the heart… Did I choke on it?” I asked and Loki exhaled sharply. “I choked on something.”

           “You choked this up,” he produced a rock from his pocket. “You recognize its origin?”

           “Thanos.”

           “I’m going to find out why.” He promised. “And I’m going to burn him. If that means I have to side with my enemies. Fine.”

           “You side with me and I side with you,” I shrugged. “Old times. New times.”

           “I’m not ready to do this,” Loki shook his head and offered my name tenderly.

           “None are.” I watched his face and gave the horrible and uplifting truth. “But, we have to do this.” So, Loki clasped his hand into mine and shared just one moment of peace with me before the doors opened, ushering us forward.

           “Welcome back,” Steve waved me over to the group and I pulled Loki with me, smiling at last when I saw their faces. The lavender sprouted fresh inside their souls. Cradling their hope like it was my own, I breathed in tune. 

           “I never left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone woke up. Hmmm. Anyways, thank you all!!! ;)


	35. Pretending to be Super

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one of their own is taken by Thanos, the Avengers have to solidify their allies and band together to find their missing friend. Other desperate villains start to close in and the Lady is still not sleeping well. The team seeks out a lost weapon while an old friend comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for...generally unsettling imagery.

            How to turn your existence to glass with an easy leap.

            The key is lack of sleep.

            My soul flooded rooms to cling to consciousness. Every pore and vessel screeched and howled when touched with skin or sound. My brain could have unspooled into mush if I laid my head back. And I tried. Meetings grated on my skin, I listened to my friends plan and claw while I tried to put multiple syllables together. The room would peel and I always jerked up, crushing metal armrests until my fingernails bled. I didn’t let them care for me. I couldn’t let myself. Thanos would close in. My lips split to grin before I was nodding and tossing my few cents into the conversation. Loki could be the brain for this one. I let him dash to catch their ears because Thor was his mission even if they pretended it wasn’t. My heart drained. I let his words dwell with more importance than my body. Loki knew Thor. He knew Thanos. He knew the cosmos and oblivion because it was all he taught me in Asgard with such fondness. So, when I got up to leave meetings halfway through while Thanos tugged at my skirts, my friends didn’t follow. They didn’t stop me. Every sound became daggers. Computers whirring at night. Curtains shifting in wind. My own sweater chafing my skin caused me to scratch until…

            _Bang!_

Everyone jumped to attention while I lifted my hand from the dent in a metal desk where a dead fly stuck. The buzzing about made my ears bleed. My lungs expanded and I got up to leave them again, dropping my file next to Loki.

            “We won’t find him,” I tried not to lament. “Not until Thanos wants us to. Tell Sharon to locate Mjolnir.” I fiddled with something in my pocket and got two floors up before pressing to a wall. Pretending I was alone. I lifted my sweater up and pulled my leggings down over my thigh before I took a tiny, pen-like device out. The little button triggered a small electric shock, I’d swiped it from Tony’s lab five days ago. My body sang when I jammed it against my thigh to keep awake. I slipped against a window and pulled it together. In my time, I explored every inch of this tower I hadn’t seen before from unfinished rooms to basements where the massive arc reactor brought this all to life. Sometimes I thought it talked to me. I enjoyed a simple designed room with a pool and hot tub, letting my coat slip away before I floated like I was walking on water. My soul danced and I slipped in to enjoy the perfect nothingness below. Here, I breathed with magic and meditated in perfect, artificial harmony. Expanding further without distractions. Seated at the bottom, I was poised and awake, hand clasped as bubbles drew to the surface. Only sometimes, did one of my teammates come to watch carefully as I tried to find my center.

            This was better.

            Underneath the water was finally better.

            My friends plotted away while I slipped and tumbled. Steve would slide the occasional coffee in front of me. Natasha would drop a book in my lap. Sam joined me in front of the television. Bruce would touch my shoulder or hand. Sharon’s words always brought me back. Loki kissed my head as many times as I would allow. And so forth. _And so forth_. I never strayed from the tower even when they did. Shield thought it was best for me to stay under this roof, what with Loki about and their government so on edge. Loki reeled with guilt and held me in any form. He lost sleep as well, buried in conjured tomes and ancient magic. Asgard didn’t call to us. Thor was compromised and that alone threatened our entire universe. When Loki slept, I'd whisper words and stare into nothingness. _Messiah. Murderess._ Only sometimes did I whisper my name just to hear it click in shadows. Just so I knew it was still mine. 

            Loki picked up my soaked clothing an hour later as I let frozen water beat against me like white noise. He tried the bathroom door and sighed when it was locked before picking up Naaki and going to the couch with the hopes of waiting for me. I sat until the bath half-filled before I turned the water off and curled up to wait until he’d been taken by sleep. Unable to stop myself, I lulled over the side and placed my head on my arms. I was taken by force.

            The only comfort I stole from Thanos was retreating deep into my memories for as long as I could. I looked down at the tight, ornate outfit like the many I wore during my last year in Asgard. Odin was speaking in this haze. My body was planted like stone only one step below his throne. Guards framed the path. Thor wasn’t here. He skipped so many meetings and left me to do this work while he lingered in battle or found a pub either loud enough or quite enough to gentle his rage. I found the work distracting enough. They were plotting too. I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could. _Messiah. Murderess._ No one even looked. _Help me_. _Save us._ Nothing. _Nothing._ Odin stood and I beat at his chest.

            “Help us!” I begged. “Help your son! We need you!” Instead, he dismissed me because the meeting had ended. Warriors and advisers began to disperse before every single head turned in crackling, horrific motions. Purple eyes burned and I ran into another memory to hide. So often I waited for Thor because I knew he wanted me to after a battle. His mug was still dewy when he sat down next to me. I tried to scream again but instead played the part in haunted tones.

            “Farther off grounds.” He noted.

            “None of our friends come this far out to celebrate.” We were enclosed somewhat at a rounded booth. The chatter and scraping of plates behind us was offset when Thor drank and slipped his hand up my thigh. I remembered this day. He vibrated the entire night from battle. Thor seemed so drunk despite finishing only half his ale. “You did well today, they said.”

            “I didn’t get far after you took the surrender of the viceroy.” He quirked his brow.

            “They didn’t take too well to the sight of my face. Our story is spreading, my prince.” I felt him squeeze my thigh in an idle motion. His mind was in flames and I stoked them only because he secretly wanted me to until he was strong enough to burn me at the stake. _I’m scared, Thor._ I tried to say. _Where are you? Please._ “It was easy to spot them, I’m sure you could have…if you were there.”

            “I do not have any more need to discuss this battle.” Thor set his drink down and turned more toward me, his fingers heated my skin.

            “Where were you, Thor?” I managed while the scene fluttered on. He was speaking again, peering behind us before fingers wandered into my underwear. “Come back.” I received no answers and let him touch me in public while we concealed ourselves as best we could. “Thor, are you there?” I hitched up, hands planted on the table. Thor was so ravenous this day, I recalled his hands rough on my body. After I finished at the table, he pressed a key into my palm and left. So, I downed my drink and met him in a room above the Inn where he fucked me every way he could until daylight broke us. Thor was furious and boiling over and falling apart. But, he was also tender and ready to burst with tears that never dared touch his face. I was able to comfort and acknowledge him only with my body. At the time, I wished it was enough.

            He left when I was in the bathroom wiping seed from my thigh that morning. I turned from the mirror in a tattered dress before hands pulled me in. Thanos held me against his chest while he sat on his throne surveying the mangled bodies of everyone I loved. His people where looting and dragging them every which way. It was so dark, I strained and tried to get off his lap but he held me like a marionette.

            “You think you can hide from what awaits.” Thick fingers curled around my neck. “Give me one.” He cupped my groin with his other hand and cradled me. “Feel that fear and reach out. Give me another like you handed Thor over.” My legs kicked around on either side of his knee while I wheezed for air, tugging at his giant palm. “Resistance.” He about sighed and gently brought my neck back as I wailed a sound that cut off. I felt my spine curving with some force before tension sprang into my neck. The sensations pooled down each joint and I tried to lessen them. My lips opened when I met his gaze, bent backwards while he groped between my legs to keep my lower body in place. “ _Shhh_ …almost.” Tears sprang into my eyes before he stared back with nothing in his and… _Crack_! My spine snapped in two places under the pressure and my legs went limp. Croaking, I dropped back against his chest and Thanos had to hold me up like a baby doll. “There we are.” A hole opened within the world in front of us and light showed through. I was crying now. I could see Loki, safe and sleeping in Avengers Tower. “Perfect.” Thanos let me tumble down the steps while he got up and I groped blindly with my shaken hands.

            “ _Loki_ ,” I heaved so he opened his eyes, growing wide at the gapping pit in front of him. Thanos neared the opening and Loki jumped to life, paralyzed while I dragged myself to the edge and let myself fall away. My body crashed onto bathroom tiles as I flailed around and screamed. I heard the door burst off its hinges before Loki was covering me to yank me up into his arms.

            “You’re safe!” He chanted, rocking me and I clung to this clothing. My sob screamed and muffled into his chest when I got my arms around his shoulders, grabbing for hair and fabric.

            “He almost got you,” I trembled, touching Loki’s face to ensure it was him. “I’m sorry, I was weak.”

            “No…I,” Loki comforted me, “ _no_.” The door to our suite crashed open before Bucky appeared with an assault rifle in hand with Clint and Natasha behind him, armed with smaller guns. Loki appeared more annoyed than anything. “For the love of…there’s no one here.” Bucky lowered the gun and crossed over. “She just fell asleep.” Loki covered my shoulders with a larger towel and I huddled to hide my skin, tugging the first towel over the burns on my thigh. Loki hadn’t noticed them.

            “Her scream cracked two of Tony’s windows,” Bucky replied, coming to see that I was okay. Natasha huffed and pocketed her gun, pushing past the men to come to my side.

            “Come on, get up. Team meeting.” Her hands were on my arms and Loki set his jaw. “Jarvis.”

            “Gathering them, Miss Romanoff.”

            “Get dressed,” she pulled me up and pushed at me until my legs moved. “We’re talking about this. Now.” I went into the closet and rubbed my face, drying while I put some clothing on.

            “I hardly think you should be giving orders, Romanoff.” Loki hissed outside. I shrugged on some underwear and socks.

            “Shut up, Loki.” Natasha replied pointedly. “Once she’s ready, we’ll be upstairs.” I heard footsteps retreat and tugged a dark, stretchy lace dress over my body. Hiding my marks with leggings, I opened the door and ruffled my hair to dry it instantly with magic. Naaki rubbed around my ankle when I leaned in the doorway and pulled my sleeves over my fists.

            “How did you do that?” Loki whispered, turning to face me.

            “In Asgard, I was able to reach out to you in my sleep. Thanos is using such things to his advantage. I was scared so I reached out.” I shrugged and passed Loki but he took my elbow.

            “Do not ever be too frightened to reach out to me.” He met my gaze and I sighed, cupping his face before I kissed him. His arms pressed around the small of my back and I relaxed into the embrace before pulling back. Loki’s eyes shined with tears. “That’s what he wants of us.”

            “Come with me.” I took his hand and led him out, up the elevator to the last room with a bar and lounge surrounded by widows. The sun was setting slowly so the sky was bright with pink hues. “For the record, I am all right. Sorry about the windows.” I eased when I entered to see Tony setting coffees on the bar to be passed out by Sam. “Peter, you’re still here.”

            “Not a school night,” he had his arm around Mary Jane. “We graduate in a few weeks.”

            “Easy to lose time in that lab,” I sat at the bar and Tony nodded, sliding a coffee toward me. “Thank you.”

            “With cream or O negative?” He joked and Steve rubbed his eyes across from me, remarking.

            “Unnecessary, Tony.”

            “Extra cream and sugar please.” I looked down when I smiled.

            “There haven’t been reports of Mjolnir and every sweep I’ve done has been negative.” Bruce approached and pressed his hand into the pad next to me while Loki used magic to pour his own coffee. A holographic file opened with a map of this Earth, red blotches covering at least a third of it. “No one else has found it, I suppose. But, it’s all trial and error. I’ll have Shield keep moving and sweeping for it.”

            “And this Hydra weapon?” I leaned toward him and touched his arm while the others held a quiet chat behind us except for Steve and Tony who paid attention to Bruce and I.

            “Charles Xavier got back to me on that. Hydra wasn’t looking for a weapon, they were looking for some remnants of a mutant.” Bruce went on. “It’s all fuzzy. Professor Xavier has his team working with caution since Stryker is still out capturing mutants. It’s just a story from a long time ago. The so called first mutant. He was worshiped like a god in ancient times. The First One. Some idol that was probably just an old story. I don't know what Hydra or Thanos would want with that. But, Hydra never found it and Xavier can’t pinpoint anything. There was a massive storm off the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. Destroyed harbors one day and disappeared the next. I don’t know what I think. Maybe Thanos was trying to use whatever power this thing might have had for his plan.” Bruce’s hand hovered over the lights and they disappeared into the surface of the bar. I drank my coffee and nodded. “Whatever it was, Hydra is at a dead end and we might be as well until we locate either Mjolnir or Thor.”

            “Dead end,” I scoffed, adding a mountain of sugar into my coffee without notice until Loki turned my hand up and took the bottle from me. I put the spoon in and let magic twirl it while cream was added, planting my elbow on the bar.

            “Thanos is trying to get to you all through my sleeping.” I rubbed my temple. “As I’ve said, I’m vulnerable but I…reach out to other souls. Only as far as I can expand. Which isn’t much now.” I huffed and drank the overly sweet liquid, making a face after.

            “Think we should move you off grounds?” Tony sat back on a stool.

            “Shouldn’t.” Steve shook his head.

            “Just a thought.” Tony shrugged.

            “No Asgardian dream suppressant?” Natasha appeared next to Bruce to refill her coffee.

            “None strong enough, I’ve looked.” Loki muttered.

            “We can’t wait around for whatever’s happening to Thor.” Sam appeared at Steve’s opposite side.

            “If we can locate Mjolnir, I don’t know, perhaps its connection to Thor is still strong enough for me to feel. Maybe I can find Thor that way. Dreams are no use, I just see Thanos’ realm. Growing brighter by the day with hooded followers. His Black Order. Beasts from between all realms.” I sipped and Loki’s hand curled around my arm. “Your government’s threats are not helping, this world is restless.”

            “We lay low.” Tony sighed.

            “Shouldn’t,” Steve cut in again and they peered at each other.

            “Saw the news?” Clint looked up and I scoffed.

            “What did they call me? A dangerous, illegal alien who thinks she’s allowed to operate within this country with not even a background check. Yes, I did. Fear is the strongest weapon of all.” I gulped my coffee and held it out for Tony to refill, he pressed his lips and set the pot aside after doing so.

            “My next sweep will come in eventually, hopefully with results,” Bruce fixed his glasses, “I’m sorry.”

            “Not your fault, doctor.” I smiled at him, encouraged. Behind me, Peter stood up in a sudden motion that caused Bucky and Mary Jane to jump, interrupting a game of checkers they’d gotten into. “Peter?” I gripped the counter behind me and searched until I felt it. Glass broke with a clatter. Peter kicked Mary Jane’s chair, skidding her a few feet aside when a gold, metal orb bounced between them.

            “Get down!” Steve charged up. It was blinking rapidly so we all moved at once and I flew toward M.J. to cover her while Peter used a web to toss it but it exploded, sending us in different directions. The entire row of windows were taken out by the force and I groaned when the dust settled, turning over while Tony got off my legs after both of us were tossed into the shelf behind the bar. Across from me, I met Mary Jane’s wide eyes and heard the high pitched laugher like crackling flames. Steve grabbed his shield and I crawled around, hidden still, to look at Harry Osborn’s sickly face but Tony tugged at me to stay down. Harry stood steady on his glider, mutated beyond his handsome appearance and looking the part of the Green Goblin. I waved Mary Jane over when he didn’t notice her but she wasn’t moving.

            “Stand down,” Steve ordered, gun in hand, with Natasha and the others flocking next to him. I opened my mouth but Tony covered it, shushing me.

            “Wouldn’t move if I were you,” Harry warned, glider ready to blast us all to hell.

            “If he sees you, he won’t rest until he has you too. Let him think you’re dead for as long as you can.” Tony muttered into my ear and it dawned on me. Harry Osborn thought he’d killed me.

            “ _Greetings_ Avengers. Earth’s mightiest heroes.” Harry curled his lips and pulled out a second explosive from a mechanism on the wrist of his suit. “We’re just here for Spider-Man. Hand him over before I send this all crumbling down.” His voice broke with a higher tone.

            “I’m right here.” Peter appeared from the roof in his full suit, sliding down a web. “Leave them out of this.” Mary Jane started to crawl toward me before panicking as the wall above her was blasted, Steve knocked his shield into the glider to protect her and I noticed Ava braced against a cracked wall in the corner.

            “Stay back!”

            “Mary Jane. As I live and… _breathe_ ,” Harry hissed, licking sharp teeth. “I’m not so handsome anymore, M.J. What are you doing _here?”_

            “Harry…” She sniffled and got to her feet, hands clenching. “Don’t do this.”

            “No…this isn’t right. This is all wrong. You shouldn’t be here…unless…” Harry leaned over and looked back at Spider-Man, laughing outward before he croaked in a breaking tone that was covered. “ _Peter_ …”

            “Harry, look at me,” Peter yanked his mask off. “Guys, back up, this is between Harry and I. Har, come on, look at me. I’m your friend, we can fix this together.”

            “When you said…that Spider-Man said no.” Harry hunched over and floated toward Peter. “What you really meant…is that _you_ said no. You left me to _rot!”_ He bared his teeth, sounding more like he might weep, and I slipped out of Tony’s grasp. “You don’t give people hope. All of you…you’re not heroes. You’re hiding up here…pretending to be super. Cowards! You just take hope away.” Harry trembled and grew with fury before lowering his tone to a whisper. “ _I’m going to take away yours._ ”

            “Harry, no!” Peter shot a web that was ripped away when Harry lurched toward Mary Jane but I sprang up and put my body in front of her, arms spreading.

            “Harry Osborn!” I raged as the glider about skidded to a stop in front of me, blades inches from my ribs. The explosive in Harry’s grasp was lit up so I waved the others back when my eyes drew from it to his face. We’d all be blown up if he released it. “Harry Osborn.” I said again while he looked at me, expression fading.

            “ _You_.” He’d mouthed.

            “Harry, we can fix this.” Peter eased again while I slid around the glider, holding Mary Jane behind me as Harry turned with us, his thumb pressed firmly into the ball.

            “ _Look at me!”_ Harry laughed outward, falling apart. I pushed at M.J. and Peter took her into his arms to get her further away. Heaving, I watched Harry’s chest glow and it was my turn to laugh.

            “Lavender,” I muttered as if to signal my friends.

            “I killed you months ago.” Harry snarled.

            “No. You didn’t, Harry…” I eased, gentle as I could. My own soul was falling apart too. “Look at me. Look at my eyes.”

            “You’re _dead_.” He puffed and my lips parted to quiver, eyes blurring before I blinked.

            “So are you.” I straightened up and he watched me come closer before I tensed and cut my hand open on a blade attached to his glider.

            “What are you doing?!” Loki came forward as Ava still but I used magic to sway my friends back. Harry sniffed the air and his eyes blazed into mine.

            “It’s fine. He’s just hungry.” I replied in a monotone. “Stay back. It’s just you and I, Harry. You remember?” I was sliding back further toward the ledge, the sunset framed our bodies when I reached up with wind in my hair to offer him my bloodied hand. “Is this what you want?” Harry, intoxicated, nodded and I smiled sadly. “Just take it, I don’t want it anymore. I failed. It doesn't matter now. You were right, Harry. I am stronger now and so are you, but briefly. _Come and see.”_ I watched him slide the explosive back up his sleeve before grabbing my wrist with both hands, squeezing so more blood beaded from my palm. I winced and he set his lips around with cut, smearing it all over while he lapped and sucked like a starving animal. Steve nodded behind me and approached to subdue Harry when I heard it, metal clanking up the side of the building. “Harry, you must stop this- _ack_!” I was ripped away when a claw rounded my waist and lifted me up while I was distracted. “Oh no, the back up.” I’d muttered, winking at Tony and he cocked his head, nodding because only he understood my play.

            “Please excuse my associate, he has a weakness for pretty girls and a certain Spider-Man.” Otto Octavius pulled my body over the edge as I kicked around. Two legs held him up while the third sprouted a blade to press to my neck. I gripped it and Loki marched forward, dagger in hand.

            “Let her free.”

            “I know you…” Otto cocked his head and smiled, saluting lazily. “Ava. My favorite assistant. I’m glad you found work again.”

            “Put her down, Doctor Octavius, this doesn’t need to go further. You’re surrounded.” Steve commanded.

            “They won’t get two yards from this tower before Shield picks them up.” Tony added, looking rather smug. “Planning could use some work.”

            “Here for Spider-Man…ah… Peter Parker, brilliant boy, this cannot get any better. You have an Aunt, do you not?” Octavius was grinning and Peter lunged forward but Loki grabbed him and held him back. I watched Harry's eyes slid to Octavius to narrow.

            “You touch her and, I’ll-!”

            “You let her down,” Loki pressed a blade to Peter’s neck, “or I’ll ensure you lose any chance at this healing spider gene. I already ensured your experiments failed, Otto. Why do you think your little flit in Oscorp failed? Perhaps, you couldn’t find them because someone already destroyed them before they left for good? _Hm_?”

            “Peter!” Mary Jane was held back by Clint.

            “You little snake,” Otto inched the blade to my neck and I exhaled. Behind them, Grey clasped her hands as if to pray. I found myself wanting to join her.

            “Snake?” Loki cocked his head and dropped his illusion. Grey disappeared when I glanced back. “I merely have heavy experience with villainy. Amateurs. I’ll burn this boy to ashes before you can taste revenge. Before you can acquire his power. Osborn will die and your next experiments he’s conned you into will be from the hole Shield drops you in.” Otto’s awe rose before I found a familiar tone, feeling around the claw gripping me in the hopes to get answers from the object linked directly into Otto’s mind and soul.

            “Harry, help me,” I slipped my gaze to him and watched him recall that day, eyes hooded with fatigue. “Harry, you said you wanted a second chance. I’m offering you one right now.”

            “Don’t listen to her, boy, remember the plan.” Otto raged. All of my friends were talking at once and Otto was shouting but I was soft. Sweet. Gone.

            “Harry Osborn,” I blinked, reaching out with one bloodied hand. Lavender billowed this time. “You are good. I felt it. Please, help me.” I watched his teeth bare in a way that was violent. Harry produced a device from his sleeve and mashed into Otto, sending an electric shock up both our bodies before the claws fell from me while he tipped over the edge. My feet slipped on the ledge just barely as I found my footing, claws releasing my waist when I spun. _Fall._ Weakened, I fell forward too as Otto tumbled down, trying to skid to a stop before an arm slipped around my waist and yanked me from danger.

            “We’ll handle Octavius,” Natasha’s voice broke through the ringing in my ears before Harry heaved me up. “Surrender, Osborn.” She cocked a weapon but Harry held my body in front of his. My head lulled in a weak daze still against his shoulder and I laughed lightly at this all. I just wanted to sleep.

            _"Messiah."_ I whispered, breathless. _"Murderess."_

            “Let her down.” Sam warned, ready to lurch.

            " _Grey. Red. Sunset. Lavender."_  I went on, uttering in low tones more so to myself.

            “You think I’d turn myself in?” Harry chuckled and hissed. “She’s just a brief insurance policy for my escape. Back up!” He jerked when Loki tried to round the glider.

            “Please, let me go mister bad guy,” I puffed, eyes rolling and Harry’s fingers dug into my waist, blades sprang up from his forearms to further threaten. “Little dull.”

            “Harry, please,” Peter set his hands up. “You’ll die.”

            “Harry is dead!” He fumed in response. “Take Octavius, I don’t need him anymore. This isn’t over, Spider-Man.” Harry carried me bridal style, dropping a flash bomb and flying off when helicopters swung in the distance.

            “Not a great day for you. Not a horrible attempt. Good entrance. Six out of ten,” I sighed, eyes on the horizon. “Lost your eight limbed teammate. You don’t have much of a plan beyond revenge and you don’t even know how-”

            “Captured you easily.” He growled, peering down. "Octavius tried to use this for his experiments. Joke's on him now."

            “Dear Harry, have you considered that I’m indulging your fantasy? It is what I do for lost souls. My blood won’t last you a few hours at my level of strength unfortunately. I haven’t yet unlocked myself.”

            “How do you know I’m not taking you somewhere to drain you right now?”

            “Alas,” I observed, slipping an arm around his shoulder when he dipped down and came back up. “Guilt. I know that well. Did you really think I’d die in some lab? Those drugs poisoning your mind and body must be stronger than I thought. You won’t kill me, Harry, you want me to show you more. And I will later when the time is right. But, I’ve tired, get this kidnapping over with, my coffee in the tower is getting cold.”

            “Quiet,” Harry was looking below for a place to land, flying higher instead. We watched the sunset together. Both of us tired and rotting. It was somehow peaceful.

            “Beautiful, no?" I let my head tumble back, huffing with exhaustion. "Always better to share it with someone special. You’re going to lose everything, you know,” I mumbled while he slipped between alleyways and around buildings in the darkness. “Nothing, not even that suit, will sustain you…it’ll fail eventually. Is it your desire to perish alone?” Harry growled and dipped down along a roof as the cold air began to whip harsher into me. He dropped me on my bottom into gravel and jumped from his glider while it hovered.

            “I said, shut up!” He advanced so I scrambled back against a metal pipe.

            “This is very high up, if I were mortal I’d catch a cold. You can’t have a sickly victim, you know?” I let him lift my wrists above my head and chuckled.

            “What?” He picked up some loose chains.

            “You’re not going to check me for a phone or tracking device, twenty heroes could be on the way at this very moment.” I displayed amusement and he scowled, feeling up my sides and pockets.

            “Nothing.” He tensed. “Put your hands up again.”

            “I must have left them in my other kidnapping jacket. Sorry, I’m really messing this up for you, Harry.”

            “I could kill you right now!” Blades sprang from his forearm once more and pressed to my neck. My hand was still sticky with blood.

            “Harry, you’re forgetting the number one rule of villainy, you leave your tiny favorite selection of heroes just barely alive so you can have a purpose. Horribly maimed perhaps.” I lifted my wrists and let him chain me to a row of pipes while I yawned. “Either way, I let you kidnap me so I could speak with you alone and I have what I want.”

            “What now?” He grunted.

            “Asgardian. You know I’m going to just break these.” I _tsked_. “You really must work on this if you’re going to commit. Which I know and you know you’re not. You dropped Otto on us and you think you can go on alone? I could cry and beg you and tell you how I can help you but, are we not passed that?”

            “Stop telling me how to do this.” He pointed a broken claw of a fingernail at my face.

            “You’ve read about Loki, my husband-”

            “ _Quiet_.” He set a hand over my lips, voice rattling. “I just needed you to get out without them shooting me down. You stay here and your little team will pick you up when I’m gone. I spared you this once but I won’t again.”

            “ _Chills_ ,” I faked a shudder, pulling from him. “Naughty boys used to excite me. Don’t feel bad. Once you learn to predict souls, finding such excitement is rare. I have to work for it now. Perhaps, one day, I shall meet an unpredictable soul. A girl can dream. Maybe they're waiting on the other side for me. Do you dream, Harry?” He stared and tried to scoff like I hadn’t just kissed his heart.

            “Tell Spider-Man I’m going to burn down everything he loves.”

            “You’ve already done that, Harry. You cannot even say his name.”

            “ _Peter!”_ He screamed a shrill tone in my face.

            “That pain is never going away, goblin child.” I sighed and he pressed a device forcefully into my bound hand.

            “I wouldn’t take your thumb off this button just yet if I were you.” He bared his horrid grin and stood to go. “We’ll meet again.”

            “You’re not going to kiss me goodbye, they usually do about now.” I mocked but he spun to kiss my hair for a split second. Harry stood and took my hand to watch the blood leak down in trickles, I felt him tongue the cut and hissed. “There’s more where that came from when I’m stronger, you know.”

            “Get stronger,” he turned and curled his lips up, “face me. The fall is long and dark and _steep_.”

            “I know it well. Clasp your hands again, Harry Osborn, and pray.” I hitched a breath and watched him hop on his glider to disappear before I broke the chains. “You’re fighting it, Harry!” I called after him. “You’re nothing like Norman Osborn and now I’ve made sure they’ve seen it as well!” Tensing, I grunted when I tossed the ball up into the air while it beeped and exploded in a firework. I tried to fly but stumbled to the ledge of the building to see the city so far below. Slipping down, I set my head against the side and gathered myself before I looked up to Iron Man swooping down to land. “Took you long enough, being the damsel is hard work too, you know.” I set my hands on my hips and his mask folded away from his face.

            “My white noble steed got held up in traffic,” he joked, dropping down from the ledge. “You okay?”

            “Ask an easier question, please.”

            “Can you fly?”

            “I would have made it back already if I could,” I smirked, reaching out. “Earpiece?”

            “Hold on, I’ll do you one better,” Tony’s helmet folded back further before he instead pulled out a phone and dialed. I joined him and pressed my fingers into my cut palm.

            “Hey, all,” I quirked my brow when I saw Steve and Natasha’s faces. “You all saw what I did, right?”

            “That goblin wannabe won’t make it two more days?” Natasha leaned over more to get on screen.

            “Am I on speaker?” I asked.

            “Yes, they all can hear you. We apprehended Octavius. He’s being taken to another facility. Ravencroft Institute.” Steve exhaled. “Peter and Mary Jane are being escorted to his Aunt’s house. Tony, we need to make a decision about those three, they’re not safe with Osborn loose.”

            “Plenty of floors. But, I think Shield will know what to do.” Tony pressed his lips. “Psych proved good point. But, I get to rebuild those windows again. Fun for me.”

            “Harry Osborn has the same powerful drugs manifesting in his brain that Norman did. But, he’s fighting them.” I nodded. “He’s fighting them because he’s been reminded where the heart is. Pass the message to Peter, we need to get his loved ones to safety tonight.”

            “Shield will set something up,” Natasha nodded. “But, he has a very uncomfortable conversation with his Aunt coming.”

            “Psych and I are heading back-” Tony was cut off by a shout behind Steve.

            “Why didn’t any of you tell me she’s made contact?” Loki grabbed the phone to see me. “Sweetheart-”

            “I’m fine, Loki, give Steve his phone back before-” Loki was pushed before the phone was back on Steve. “We’re on the way, please don’t fight, children.” I clicked it off.

            “Didn’t let me say bye,” Tony muttered, replacing his helm. “Did you really know the kid would turn on Octavius?” I peered at the dark sky and shrugged, joining him on the ledge.

            “I hoped he would.”

** ** **

            “What you did to coax him was foolish,” Loki chided, pushing me into a stool while Shield and the team finished up recon near the broken windows. She took my cut hand and finished healing it, washing the blood with a rag. “You shouldn’t comprise your secrets for mortals.”

            “Loki, I think we’re passed that.” I shook my head. “Still not strong enough to save him. It’s frustrating to have the ability to unlock everyone but yourself. Through our time here, we’ve uncovered so much strength in your potent abilities. And mine, I don’t know what I am anymore. There is a piece missing and Thanos knows. He holds it over me.”

            “Yes, I know,” Loki frowned, “we have tried and it will take more time for you but please,” she held my hand in both of hers. “Do not cost yourself more for this, it is not worth it.” Stung somehow, I pulled my hand away and stood up.

            “You don’t understand.” I swallowed my emotion and passed her to go off.

            “No, perhaps, I do not anymore.” Loki had uttered behind me, crestfallen. Pausing, I turned around and spun the stool to kiss her in front of the others a few yards away. Loki grasped at me immediately but I pulled back, eyes searching for something I did not find while I turned again to leave. Unable to go on, I let out a growl and veered to march back again, passing Loki and my friends with Shield to step over glass on the way outside. Wind picked up my disheveled clothing as I shouted toward the sky in an angry call.

            “Frigga!” I echoed, gaining the complete attention of everyone behind me. “Frigga, you answer me this minute! I know you can see me! I know you know all! Disobey the nature of our world again if it means I can speak with you! You’ve done it before! You owe me this one!” Loki called my name and came to tug at me. “She owes me!”

            “Enough of this, Asgard won’t-”

            “Uh…ladies?” Tony pointed to a shimmer of gold light. Loki grasped my arms in awe but I pulled her with me forward.

            “Frigga?” I puffed out when she materialized like a floating shade. Just as beautiful and regal as I remembered.

            “I wondered when you would call to me, dear.” Frigga replied.

            “You’re fully dressed.” I noted, brow quirking up.

            “I try to remain poised for my appointments.” She frowned, voice daunting. “I know what you seek. Asgard is closed.”

            “They took Thor. We need you. We need warriors.”

            “You must realize the position we all are in.” Frigga looked at Loki while she slid behind me.

            “They have your son!” I tried with more vigor.

            “You think I neglected that fact?!” Frigga leaned over me, looking genuinely terrifying.

            “Anyone else seeing this?” Tony came forward with Steve passing him.

            “I’m too old for this,” Bucky droned, eyebrows up before he nudged Steve. “And that is…?”

            “Meet my mother,” Loki grumbled, hiding behind me.

            “Whoa,” Natasha passed everyone with Sharon, touching the shade before she pulled back when Frigga’s eyes snapped to her. “Uh, sorry…your highness?”

            “Sharon Carter, Agent of Shield, if you have business here, I’d like to be a part of this.” Sharon paused and peered at me before looking to Frigga, bowing her head once. “Your majesty.”

            “Frigga is Queen of Asgard. Thor and Loki’s mother. Please, help us find Thor.” I came to her, hands clasped.

            “Dear, I am sorry.” Frigga sighed. “Odin slept the moment Thor was taken. I have not seen him this distraught since…” She trailed off and Loki lowered her gaze. “Forgive me.”

            “Father cannot help but you are stronger than him, mother,” Loki swallowed and came to my side.

            “Again, you both must understand. There are treaties in place that keep this world free from our invasion. You three here alone have inspired fear in this already fearful world. Thor will be compromised and he could destroy worlds if he is unleashed. The bifrost will not touch him. The bifrost will touch nothing until Thor is saved.”

            “So, they’re going to control him to unleash his berserker?” I stood taller, shaking my head. “It’s all my fault. I gave them the tool and the in to his mind. That’s what Thanos wanted. He wanted to push me so that I’d open Thor to him because he knew the state Thor can be forced into. I should have been stronger. I should have seen past my anger. Frigga, I’m so sorry.” I pressed a hand to my lips.

            “What do you mean, _an in_?” Loki paused when I turned to look at her and everyone else gathering to listen.

            “Long ago, you remember that day, I’d displayed my powers and I hurt Sif by accident. Thor found me hiding away and…there was a misunderstanding. I…hurt him as well but it was with purpose. Like, I tore a single stitch from his soul. This happened again but with more fire in that training room. Loki, when I’m casting pain, all I’m really doing is ripping out little pieces of someone’s soul and taking them for my own. Whether it’s fear or…another’s pain, I just…I don’t know. I think the moment I caused Thor some pain, it opened his soul up for another. I think Thanos wanted me to fight you all. To fight Loki. Knowing I’d lash out at Thor. I always have. It was foolish of me, I should have known better. My blood was the backup plan to get him either way but they have him and I think they’re going to make him do something terrible. Frigga, tell me what to do, tell me how to fix this.” I tried to grasp her clasped hands and just went through her, sobering while she watched me with a melancholy expression.

            “You know, I can’t.” She furrowed her brow and pressed her lips, it was the first time in my life I realized she had aged. “I cannot stop him. You must do that. But, I can help you find him.”

            “How?” Sharon crossed her arms next to me.

            “He has been well concealed from us but Thor cannot have perished. I know my son is alive and you both feel him as well.” Frigga went on. “My mirror. There is something just a bit like it here. You have an ally, dear. The telepaths. Powerfully evolved mortals you must look to. You must keep the peace in such delicate times because every being on this planet will suffer under the weight of a frightened government.” She touched her head and looked at me. “There is something more. Something as strong as the Norns before you and it has awakened. Ready to seek you out when it sees your gaze is looking back. You must not engage it. You will want it more than anything else in your heart but you must look away. Look away, dear!” Frigga was pulled off and I reached out again blindly into fading lights.

            “Frigga?” I called, coming forward to look around.

            “She is gone.” Loki shook her head.

            “She meant Professor Xavier, didn’t she?” Natasha spoke up.

            “Had to have.” Steve stuffed his hands in his pockets.

            “Any chance you can go and get him to help you find Thor?” Sam approached and Sharon nodded.

            “I’d send agents but I think she should go as a friend first. Our allies were…jilted by what happened on that last mission. They’re rushing and scared and so are we. But, we all know what we have to do.” Sharon peered at me.

            “Can I catch a ride?” I shrugged.

            “Pack a bag, I’ll get you there in half the time.” She smirked and Loki took my arm.

            “I am going with you. My brother is at stake.”

            “Steve?” I crossed to him next to Bucky. “What do you think?”

            “Me?” He scoffed and I nodded.

            “Captain.” I turned to see all my friends. “I won’t go if you think there is something better.”

            “You have this,” Steve touched my shoulder. "Tony?"

            "I agree." He gestured so Steve continued.

            “We trust you. The rest of us will recon with Sharon and Maria here. We’ll help Peter as well, he needs us. We should get Fury on the line too.”

            “I’ll keep trying to locate Mjolnir.” Bruce offered.

            “Fury is already waiting for us.” Sharon pressed her lips up and Steve grinned at her. “We can handle things on this side. Fantastic Four are coming over. You should go.”

            “Call us when you have something.” Natasha added and I turned to go.

            “We will.”

** ** **

            “Ten minutes out,” Sharon called while I stared out the helicopter.

            “They know I’m coming,” I swallowed, “Darwin is meeting us.” My chest sunk while I hunched over my knees and rubbed my head. Loki stared at me from his seat and leaned forward.

            “I am not.” He piped up and I lifted my gaze to see him mere inches from my face.

            “What?”

            “I am not upset with you.” Loki answered. “I was. I tried to blame you. You didn’t know.”

            “I shouldn’t have been so reckless, I should be bigger than that.”

            “So should I.” Loki shrugged, a ghost of a smirk touched his lips. “You cannot do this alone, try as you might. This power is great. Manifesting into something that I cannot read any longer. It is dangerous for Thanos to torture you while your ability grows so. You must look at me and take my words to heart. This power, it is not more important than your life. It is a part of you but it is not all of you. You have to pace yourself.”

            I wish that I believed him.

            “I don’t have the time.” I dropped my hands and peered down at them. Loki slipped his over mine after a careful moment.

            “You won’t get stronger exhausting yourself.” Loki exhaled, tucking some hair behind my ear. “How have the voices been?” His question almost brought me to tears while I sat up a little and swallowed to compose myself.

            “It’s complicated.”

            “How so?” Loki allowed me to cup the back of his head and sit forward to kiss his jaw, uttering into his ear.

            “ _He’s in my house._ ” I grasped Loki’s hair. “ _He’s waiting for me to come home_.”

            “Is he holding a piece of Thor there?” Loki took my chin when I leaned out and my lip quivered.

            “Yes.”

            “You and I, we will beat this together. You will get strong. Stronger than anyone because I know you. This power no longer controls you and Thanos cannot stand it.” Loki took my face and felt for a moment like his brother, all the certainty in the world upon his shoulders. “He will be purged from the world and we will go on. You will go on, powerful and wondrous beyond your years. Mother's warning. It must be about Thanos. You won't take his hand. I know you. You won’t be too powerful for you own good. Never. You will thrive. But, you have to start speaking to me once more. In fact, I’ll settle if you feel more comfortable talking to your friends. I know it might seem for the best but, if you close yourself off…” Loki shook his head and dropped his hands.

            “You’re right. I’m here…I promise.” I offered, kissing his forehead before I settled mine against it. We shared a silence while the helicopter landed and I took Loki’s hand. Sharon met us when I got out, pulling my bag over my arm. Loki dug under the seat for his bag and huffed a little.

            “You have my number.” She nodded, patting my back. “If he steps out of line…”

            “He won’t,” I whispered, nodding while Loki joined me.

            “Agent.” He muttered.

            “Call us.” Sharon ignored him and regarded me, hopeful. I smiled and waved, approaching the gates while she stayed behind. Darwin grinned and beckoned for me, the gates opened and closed.

            “Hope I didn’t wake the children,” I hugged him and felt him squeeze me.

            “Professor kept it quiet…for the most part. Some of the older ones eavesdrop.” He nodded. “We didn’t know he was coming.”

            “Word of me has spread, how quaint.” Loki remarked. “So, what’s your power?”

            “Loki,” I chided but he shrugged.

            “I can survive anything.” Darwin replied shortly.

            “ _Anything?”_ Loki quirked his brow. “Fascinating. Knife to the heart? Long fall? Poisonous berries?”

            “Loki means to protect me." I cut in. "It’s better if we stick together…since Thor…”

            “I’m sorry about him,” Darwin offered while we went up the ramp.

            “Thank you.” I paused. “Loki is in his usual form because the shapeshifting seems to put everyone more on edge since he was discovered.”

            “Still might make people nervous,” Darwin smirked a little, opening the doors. The mansion was quiet. “They’re downstairs. They agreed to hear you out but don’t expect a miracle.”

            “Thank you again, Darwin.” I touched his arm. “This means a lot to me. All of us.”

            “It’s no problem on my part,” he led us into an elevator that went down. Fidgeting, I let Loki slip his hand into mine to comfort me before Darwin led us down a chrome hallway unlike the regal mansion above and into a lab differing from the one in Avengers Tower.

            “That’s close enough,” Scott shifted forward when I moved in front of Darwin and Loki. Charles was seated with Jean, Logan, and Ororo.

            “Scott, it’s fine.” Ororo offered with a sigh. “We know why you’re here. Thor was my friend, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop what happened.”

            “That is kind of you. He spoke highly of you as well.” I replied, careful as I could.

            “Why did you bring him?” Scott crossed his arms.

            “Both Jean and Charles knew who Ava was, thank you for not stating anything.” I swallowed and dropped to my knee, pressing my hand to my heart. “I am not here to further ruin things, we need your help.”

            “What’s she doing?” Scott asked and Loki sighed.

            “It’s a gesture of high respect from one warrior to another. Or from warrior to royal. Common in Asgardians.” He explained and I lifted, clasping my hands.

            “Your team’s assistance has been so valuable and I know you only wish to protect your children here. That’s why I’ve come. Thor has been taken and we cannot locate him or Mjolnir, the hammer was separated from him. I have it from a reliable source that there is something here that could help us. Please, I know I have little right to come to you. I can beg. We could help each other. I want what you do. To protect those I love. Those who cannot protect themselves. Those who seek it and need a hand. I want us to stand together because this government is not on our side. Mutants will get the worst of it and you’re in the most immediate danger. I know this. I wish to make others understand.” I dropped my hands and stood taller. “Please, if there’s a possibility that we can find Thor, I’ll do anything. He’s in danger and I know he’s in pain. I feel it.” I swallowed, lowering my eyes before I summoned some courage. “They’re going to use him and if he gets out, all of us will be compromised. The registration act... Shield, my team, and I think Thanos means to turn the world against us first using Thor but I know mutants will pay the higher price. If this tears apart, nothing will stop Thanos from destroying everyone.”

            “How do you know about it?” Jean wondered, passing Scott after touching his shoulder.

            “Know about what?” I inquired.

            “Cerebro.” Charles rolled his wheelchair around the table to approach me.

            “I didn’t, I contacted our Queen from Asgard. She has the sight. Not like anyone I know. She told me to look to our allies, I can show you if it means anything. You spoke once of a way to locate mutants but it’s more than that I see.” I reached out for Jean, pleading. Charles peered at her and nodded so she came to me, hesitating before she took her hand into mine. I unlocked my soul and my eyes drew wide at her power, like flames ravaging an entire forest. They burned from my eyes to hers. Jean felt me in turn, gasping a little while I showed her but she ended up flooding me. She walked down an empty road, past a picket fence that was crumbling. I felt myself there as well, chained to a tree by my neck. I tried to stop her but she entered the broken home and looked into Thanos’ eyes.

            “Stop!” Loki’s shout was matched by him tugging at me. “She’s had enough.” Dazed, I looked at Jean and stood taller.

            “You saw him…didn’t you?” I was awed, pointing.

            “My god…” She touched her head and Scott came to her side.

            “Are you hurt?”

            “No, it was…overwhelming. She’s telling the truth. All of it. But, I…those violet eyes.”

            “You saw him,” I nodded. “Thanos.” I watched Charles peer at Jean, reading her before he reclined. “He’s trying to get me from the inside out. But, I’m hiding. I’m hiding every part of me. There is a great power within you.” I shifted toward Jean. “You’re just as scared as I am.”

            “I’ve already made an attempt to find Thor.” Charles came between us quickly. His persistence surprised me. A color flickered into this soul. Fear. I watched it rise up and disperse like smoke. “I could not.”

            “What does that mean?” Loki pressed and Logan inhaled, shaking his head before he answered.

            “It means he’s not on Earth or…gone.”

            “Thor isn’t dead.” Loki seethed and I settled my hand against his stomach.

            “It isn’t possible for Thanos to move him off this world.” I tried to be calm. “Is it possible he’s being concealed from you?”

            “Anything is possible. I hoped I might locate him. Our groups have suffered enough.” Charles sighed. “Is there a magic you know, powerful enough to hide him?”

            “You wouldn’t have to hide his body from beings like us. It is his mind and soul. I…” I touched my head, eyes wide. “There’s only one person strong enough to hide such a thing. Two actually. But one edged the power from the other.”

            “It’s you,” Scott came forward. “I saw those files. Hydra has your blood.”

            “Clearly Thanos has them hooked on dark, ancient magic.” I sighed. “Loki used it as a means to conceal himself from the gatekeeper of our world and all others.”

            “Except you.” He’d muttered.

            “Except me. Eventually.” I sighed. “We hope to at least locate Mjolnir. If I assisted…do you think we could find Thor together?”

            “We could try but there is a chance it will overwhelm you.” Charles replied gently.

            “I’m used to that, Professor.” I  countered, respectful.

            “What do you think, Scott?”

            “I think we’ll regret this.” He answered. “But, our students are in danger. I might lose sleep over it, but I want to keep this going if it means mutant lives are safe. You did a lot for us and, to an extent, you might even understand what we’re going through right now.”

            “I like to think I do in some way.” I peered down. “I saw a lot of things I wished I could reverse when I found those children. I hope the ones that came here are happier. I bet they are.”

            “Thanos is in your head but he’s physically off this Earth?” Ororo crossed her arms and I nodded.

            “That is correct, he would have to open a portal stronger than the one Loki opened in New York. Keeping it open would be a task as well. Asgard closed the bifrost so he can’t touch it or the Tesseract.” I explained. “He is using fear as his influence. Coaxing Nazis into doing his bidding. I was told that at that particular facility…they were looking for the first mutant.”

            “Myth.” Logan shrugged. “Nothing found. They must be scraping every barrel for weapons and allies.”

            “Desperation can be a good sign.” I clasped my hands tight, exhaling.

            “Not always.” Darwin looked at me and I nodded.

            “I have contacts I should warn about this. We must work together, I believe. You should meditate to prepare for Cerebro. We have a room you can use for the night.” Charles offered after nods from his team.

            “Thank you.” I grew with relief and Darwin came to my side with a smile. “I’d do everything in my power to protect this school and its children. You must know that.” My chest sunk and I looked around. “Forgive me. I’m not used to this many potent souls. Dreaming…there is so much fear. I sense…a fear to be themselves in this world. I understand it. I wish I could change that.”

            “Believe me, we do as well.” Darwin gave a solemn nod.

            “Allow me to show you to your room.” Charles rolled forward.

            “Thank you again. All of you.” I swallowed and managed a smile without tension.

            “We’re going to look into a few more files,” Ororo spoke as we went and Darwin joined her. “I’d like to be involved in finding Thor.”

            “Bruce Banner is looking for Mjolnir, contact him.” I offered and she beamed at me before turning.

            “I’m joining you both tomorrow in Cerebro.” Jean added and Charles nodded, the door shut behind us and Loki’s hand curled back into mine.

            “There is a kitchen on the first floor. My students know who you both are, if they are apprehensive…” Charles looked up at me.

            “I’ll try not to frighten them off.” We went up in the elevator and I sighed out.

            “Stop reading my mind.” Loki muttered after a beat and Charles lifted his lips at that.

            “You just are not what I was expecting.” He replied and we exited on the second floor. “Your sentiment for your brother and wife is touching. I’d ask you not to roam my school though.”

            “I’m just here to see Thor come home… Never clashed with your equals, Xavier? Never stood on the opposite side of the one you loved most?” Loki turned his gaze. “You cannot understand what it is to lose the person you value so when you would have given anything for them once.” The words sent a beating pulse of rich red from Charles’ heart which told me otherwise. _Who hurt you?_ I wondered but touched Loki’s chest when Charles remained so utterly _zen_ on the outside.

            “Loki, stop it.” I whispered and he narrowed his gaze.

            “Assumption is what got you into trouble in the first place, is it not, Loki of Asgard?” Charles led us into a room. “You can stay here tonight.”

            “Thank you, Professor,” I bowed my head.

            “It will be difficult tomorrow, finding your friend. It will take a toll on you. Meditation will help.”

            “Yes, of course.” I relaxed my shoulders.

            “You can meet me at noon in the main hallway. My children will be curious of you, they might crowd.”

            “My wife might not leave this place if you continue.” Loki warned and Charles smiled subtly at that.

            “Your assistance means so much.” I expressed.

            “It is the right thing to do. We all must move on.” Charles wheeled around. “I should get back to my team.”

            “Of course, thank you again.” I watched him go and the door shut.

            “Do you think we’ll truly find, Thor?” Loki asked and I turned to face him, shaking my head.

            “I’m optimistic.” I took his arms and slipped my hands over his shoulders to embrace him. “You should get ready to sleep while I prepare. One of us should rest.” Loki hesitated so I kissed his cheek. “Come on, Thor would want you to.” I watched him sigh before my phone vibrated, interrupting us.

            “Who is it?”

            “It’s Peter…” I furrowed my brow so Loki dropped his hands down the small of my back when I picked it up. “Hello?”

            “Um…hey.” Peter sniffled. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

            “No. One moment.” I touched Loki’s chest and kissed him quickly, nodding to get him to go into the bathroom with his bag. Pulling my coat close, I went onto the thin, stone balcony once Loki had gone. “What is it, Peter?”

            “I…I guess I didn’t know who else to call.” He paused.

            “I’m glad you called me.”

            “Are…you okay?”

            “I’m fine now.”

            “Harry didn’t hurt you?”

            “No, Peter, he didn’t.” I sighed and looked up at the stars. “Did you speak to your Aunt?”

            “She took it…a little hard I guess. After we lost my uncle... _ah.”_ Peter choked and didn't continue. “Shield moved us to a hotel. It’s nice. Mary Jane’s been staying with her Aunt the past few months, she said you gave her the courage to get away from her dad. He drinks, you know? He was never good to her.”

            “Yes, I got that impression from her at times. She’s rather closed off about discussing it so I never pushed. Lots of fire and pride to do better. I’m proud of her. I’m proud of you as well.”

            “I messed this all up.” Peter confessed with a shudder in his tone. “They told me what you said about Harry. He’s fighting the drugs. I noticed that too and I… I can’t do this. I put them in danger.”

            “I’m so sorry, Peter.” I pressed my lips and took the phone from my ear when I grew hot with tears. “You didn’t mess this up, I know it feels like the world is upon your shoulders and…there is truth to that. But, you’ve saved so many lives. You are not alone. Mary Jane believes in you just as I know you believe in her. We’re together, all of us. As for Harry… There is affection in Harry Osborn…saved just for you. I felt it. I understand that you wish in your heart that it was enough. It’s hard not to think such things. I wish I could save him just like I wish I could save Thor. It’s too painful and I’m so scared. But, that will not stop me and I know it won’t stop you from fighting. Your generation…you’re all going to do things better than the one before you. It’s alright to mourn, Peter.” I heard him shaking and crying softer, trying to pull it together. “It’s alright to be afraid and even if it hurts…it’s alright to fail. We all have. But, we got up…even if we didn’t want to. Even if we didn’t have to. I’m a broken record. But, I think it benefits to hear uplifting words, even if it takes a hundred times to believe them. What happened wasn't your fault.”

            “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t Spider-Man.” He expressed in a shaken tone. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t Peter Parker.”

            “I’ve been thankful for both.”

            “I’m sorry, I alerted everyone to you being on Earth.”

            “You didn’t know,” I shook my head. “Not like you forced me out. Sometimes I wish I perished with the mind stone. Thanos is dragging this out to punish me and everyone else I care for.”

            “We’re going to stop him, okay?”

            “We’re going to get Harry back,” I paused. “By any means.”

            “How is Loki?”

            “Distraught but, concealing it. Thor is…a big part of his heart. He knows what you are going through, almost too well. I did not expect him to find a common bond with you.”

            “Like you and Harry?” Peter scoffed a little and I smiled, soft now. “You’re closer to our age in looks than to Steve and Natasha’s age. Sorry, you get that a lot.”

            “Ugh, I know. I was the young one in my group of friends back in Asgard. The runt. Always playing catch up. They used to tease but, it was all in good fun.”

            “How old are you really?” He’d joked and I laughed.

            “Promise not to tell, Peter?”

            “Yeah.” He sniffled as I tried to lift his spirits.

            “I have absolutely no idea anymore.” I chuckled and he laughed at that. “I’m serious, time fades together. It is all an illusion. I remember things from thousands of years ago like they happened last week. By Midgardian standards, let's just say twenty but I have been this way for…a long time. You cannot tell Tony or Steve, they’ll enjoy it too much and I like to tease them.”

            “I won’t,” Peter sighed, amused.

            “What’s that expression about the lining of clouds?”

            “Every cloud has a silver lining?”

            “Yes,” I puffed against cold air. “That one. I’m not one for heavy optimism all the time but, there’s always hope. You’ll get through this, Peter. You’re a good person. Mary Jane will as well, she’s brave and her heart is worth more than all the gold in Asgard. Even if you both must let go, I know you’ll make the right choice. All right?”

            “Thanks for talking me through this and…thanks for making me feel like I’m not going crazy when it comes to Harry. I know I can save him.”

            “While I believe Harry has the chance to turn this around, it’s not all on you to make him see it. You can’t force him and you shouldn’t cost yourself more. You can hold his hand when he lets you.” I offered, lowering my eyes at the familiar advice. "Harry must save himself."

            “Can you, ah, also tell Loki that I said thank you.” Peter was quieter. “He helped me a lot. And…I see him and Thor. Gave me some hope. I know he’s maybe not the good guy but, I don’t know, he tried to help find Harry. Talked me through some stuff even if he didn’t mean to.”

            “I’ll tell him for you.” I smiled, peering back to see Loki sitting on the bed now. “Have a goodnight, Peter. Rest. Tell Mary Jane I was thinking of her.”

            “Yeah, I will. Night.” We hung up and I watched the stars for a few lingering moments before going back inside to prepare for tomorrow.

** ** **

            “Are you truly feeling up to this?” Loki watched me in the mirror.

            “As ready as I’ll ever be,” I fiddled with one of my sleeves and watched dew run down the window outside. I came to his right and kissed his cheek. “Shower.” I cocked my head and went back into the bedroom, using magic to make the bed. My eyes drew to the scar on my hand left by the mind stone before I exhaled, relaxing. Water was running so I shifted toward the bedroom door and poked my head out into the empty hallways. Unable to stop myself, I closed the door and walked alone only to halt when a group of children passed and didn’t notice me. I got down the main staircase before pausing, another group of older teens turned around the far corner at the end and spotted me. Kurt was among them when a girl with stark white stripes on either side of her dark hair whispered.

            “It is her. I told you.”

            “I knew it,” Kurt teleported in front of me with a bright smile, sharp teeth flashing and I grinned. “You’re back!” He popped up behind me to embrace me with a kiss on the cheek before appearing on the stair rail, tail curling.

            “I see your ability is as strong as it was when we met, Kurt.” I set my hands on my hips, entertained so he shifted back down next to his friends. “Hi,” I waved and offered my name.

            “Kitty,” a short girl with a Star of David around her neck hurried to shake my hand. “We all know you. We watched you on T.V. when that all happened in New York. Can’t believe I’m meeting you.”

            “Bobby,” a boy offered with cold hands that caused me to jump but, I smiled when he pulled away quickly. “Sorry.”

            “No, I just…know someone similar.” I shook my head.

            “Call me Pyro.” The second body next to him winked.

            “Pyro, I bet I can guess what you can do.” I chuckled and he beamed as I craned my neck to see the girl behind him with the white strands of hair.

            “My name’s Rogue,” she nodded with a thick southern accent, hesitating to offer me a hand with a glove that went all the way up her arm.

            “Nice to meet you all, I don’t want to pull you from your exciting Sunday plans.” I smiled and Pyro huffed.

            “Not much to do around here.” He shrugged. “We’re not allowed out unless it’s a class trip.”

            “Oh, I see.”

            “They snuck me out to the mall once,” Kurt piped up and I chuckled. “We were caught.”

            “Well, I-” We were cut off when Loki called my name above. “Down here.” He hurried around the stairs and the children all stepped back except Kurt. “Forgive me, I should get going.”

            “There are a lot of rumors about you. That you’re trying to find Thor. I hope you do. He seemed kind. Bobby has a major crush on him.” Kitty offered and I smiled at that.

            “I do not.” Bobby pushed at her, causing me to laugh.

            “Thor is kind, thank you and…he has that effect. I hope you enjoy your Sunday.” I went to Loki and heard them whisper.

            “Who is he?” Kurt muttered.

            “Loki.” Pyro replied. “You have a lot to learn, come on. We have tapes.”

            “You wandered off to befriend more children.” Loki had chided, slightly amused.

            “Can’t help it, too many souls in this mansion.” I turned to wave and saw Rogue staring with an intrigued expression before she pressed her lips and followed her friends off. “I expand and…oh…”

            “What is it?” Loki took my arm but I turned with a distant expression. “…Who is it?”

            “I’m…not sure…” I was pacing off and he followed me up two flights of stairs. “This way. With Xavier.” I rushed down a hallway and pushed open a door to see Charles with a cloaked, old man. They both looked up quickly at my face. A redheaded woman covered in blue scales underneath a tight mini dress jumped up with a defensive look at my barging in before Loki’s hands curled around my arms. The man stared at me with a neutral expression and a bruise on his cheek.

            “It’s very rude to barge in on a private conversation without knocking, my dear,” he noted. “It is all right, Mystique. Just the Asgardian.” The woman stared with bright yellow eyes but seated herself.

            “What do you want?” Her monotone didn’t faze me.

            “I’m sorry,” I was without air. “I just felt…”

            “What did you feel?” Charles addressed me while I looked his friend up and down.

            “I know you.” I breathed when Loki let go.

            “I think you are mistaken.” The man regarded me.

            “I know your soul,” I corrected. “Stryker. He held me captive. Opened me up. I felt them all…in pain.” I pressed my lips and touched my fingers to them when I trembled with watery eyes.

            “Should I take care of her?” Mystique crossed her legs gracefully.

            “Now, now,” the man replied, shaking his head. “You do not know me.” Awed, I hummed the tune and watched his expression lift.

            “There was a man, drugged up beyond recognition, he would sing when I was crying. He kept me sane by reaching out. It was you. I’m sorry, I was just overwhelmed, I should-”

            “Wait,” he made me pause and I caught Loki peering up and down at the woman he called Mystique. “I remember. Though, I do know you, girl. The goddess from another world. Charles tells me you’ve worked to help the mutant cause. Pity the Avengers are wasting you.”

            “Someone with sense and good fashion at long last,” Loki muttered and I nudged him. The man seemed not impressed with my husband.

            “Stryker. Did he take samples from you?” He asked me.

            “I don’t remember it all.” I’d shrugged, solemn.

            “I think it’s in your best interest if you do.” He replied.

            “Erik-”

            “Stryker is waging a war, Charles.”

            “Blood and skin samples, most likely. I don't know what else.” I replied, standing taller. “They were going to move me with the others and take my organs apart but they never got the chance. How did you escape?”

            “Mystique got me on the way to wherever they were taking us.” He answered. “Stryker means to use your blood to control mutants. He’s going to start a war between us and them. The humans.”

            “Thanos and Hydra had a similar plan to turn this government against us. They have Thor. I assume you know about the Registration Acts.” I sighed and he bowed his head once. _It was all on me_.

            “Charles, you cannot wait here while mutant lives-”

            “My team and our allies are doing everything in their power to put an end to this.” Charles offered gently. “We can’t start the war.”

            “We cannot stand around for them to start one first. You’ve been warned.” Erik countered, turning to go. The rich reds lingered in both old souls. _Ah_. “I’m prepared for what I’ll have to do for us. Are you? I’ll be back, sooner than you think.”

            “I’ll see you, old friend.” Charles exhaled while Erik and Mystique passed me

            “I owe you a part of my life and sanity, Erik,” I stopped him. “Thank you.” He looked at me with a slight nod, fascinated.

            “I prefer,” he lifted his eyes to mine, “Magneto. You wish to actually stop Stryker, find me.” I didn’t reply when Loki touched the small of my back and they left.

            “Your team has to get those samples from Stryker before he can control any mutant into doing his bidding.” I leaned over Charles’ desk and he nodded.

            “They are downstairs going over this as we speak. Your priority is Thor. You cannot do it all. Try as you might. Ororo contacted Dr. Banner to help locate either him or Mjolnir, widening their sight.” He eased, coming around the desk. “Jean is going to meet us to assist.” Rubbing my head, I allowed Loki to lead me off next to Charles quietly while we descended down into the mansion. A long platform led up to the machine, Cerebro; it was surrounded by a domineering rounded room. Pausing, I was beckoned by Jean over to the chair.

            “Be warned, this can overwhelm you. Even I struggle.” She seated me. “Once you’re connected, you have to remain level. You’ll feel all of them.”

            “I’m ready.” I urged.

            “Focus on Thor. With your powers, this could be unpredictable.” Charles offered and I peered back at Loki, visibly bothered and crossing his arms before I smiled. “Focus and talk to us.” A helmet was settled over my head and I closed my eyes while it powered up, glittering before my eyes when they flooded black. The gold light sparkled along them and I exhaled, head tipping back as I was consumed. My palms were flat on the metal surface while I sunk into a sea of souls, human and mutant.

            “Is she okay?” Loki’s voice caught me while I stared ahead with wide eyes. The yellow turned that stark shade of unexplainable orange and I was consumed.

            “Do not fear for me… I…” I felt tears run down my cheeks when the sensations threatened to overcome me further. “There’s so much pain. But, life…” I felt the births of thousands of infants. The deaths of the sick and aging. All at once. Children laughed along parks. Couples held each other. The world came alive with hope and fear. Anger and laughter. Murder and decay was overrun with charity and prayers and action to do better. They all cried to me at once. Good and evil.

            _Deliver us._

            I longed to reach back for the thousands of hands outstretched toward me. To ferry them across the river as one heart. To hold them close. Hunger and ache. Devotion. Yes, I longed to touch them all with my influence before…

            “Try not to linger,” Charles warned. “You must keep moving. Focus on Thor.”

            _Deliver us._

_Messiah. Murderess._

            “I…” I was flying high. “Thor? I know you’re out there.” Stars gleamed above me and purple clouds rolled in. “Thanos. He’s following me.”

            “It’s under control. Keep moving,” Jean encouraged, sliding her hand against my neck. “I’m here.” I felt her hand in mine. “I am here with you.” Nodding, my chest heaved as I choked with tears and searched. I felt my soul tugging in separate directions. Underground. Red eyes burned for my warm embrace. A kiss only I could give. High above, I felt another. The vacuum of space called as well with a silver speck gleaming and a starving cloud lingering behind it. These forces begged to be unleashed and pulled in all at once. They longed for home. “Look away,” Jean sounded like Frigga. “Look away and move forward.”

            This time, I did. Only this time.

            “Thor?” I asked aloud when I heard his cries. “I…I hear him. Thor, please.”

            “Where is he?” Loki pleaded.

            “I can’t…” Rushing water charged me away, flooding around my body until I was swept upon a craggy, long shore. Charging forward, I circled and flew, pushing my mind outward. “London?”

            “He’s in London?” Loki inquired.

            “No, close…I,” my chest heaved when Mjolnir sparked without an owner. “Mjolnir! I…I found it. A cave…it’s frightened.”

            “Why would Mjolnir crash near London?” Loki breathed. “Do you see Thor?”

            “I can’t. I’m…” My hands shook as I held Jean firmly and my eyes searched. I flocked to Mjolnir, reaching out before a storm charged overhead. Not like Thor’s. Not like anything on Earth. I watched the clouds bloom, ready to ravage this Earth whole before I covered my eyes and yanked backwards. Hitting the back of my chair, I tried to catch my breath while Jean powered the machine down and Charles removed the helmet from me. Loki kneeled in front of me to take my face, filling me with his affections.

            “It’s all right,” he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. “You did well. We must get to Mjolnir. It’s near London, you said.”

            “So is Jane Foster,” I heaved, closing my eyes.

            “That was not Thanos. The end.” Jean watched me shake my head. “We saw the end of the world. The end I’ve dreamed about long before this.”

            “There is a lot at work behind stars. We can stop it before it starts,” I rubbed my head, peering at Charles. “You’ve done so much for us. But, I must go to London. I have to seek out Mjolnir, it’s our only lead.”

            “Yes, of course,” he offered.

            “I felt everything, I’ve never been able to expand like that. Not even when the mind stone was held at full power. This felt like more than that.” My palm pressed over my lips while I exhaled out my nose to remember this moment. “Loki.” I stood and moved to go with him at my side before Jean stopped me.

            “What if it’s already begun? Before all of this?” She wrapped a hand around my wrist, surprising me. Fire flickered in her eyes, spreading like wings to soar before she let me go.

            “Look away,” I’d whispered, brow furrowing before I stood taller. “We will keep you updated. Farewell for now, Jean. Charles.”

            “See you soon.” Jean offered in response.

** ** **

            “Took you long enough,” Tony called while I paid a driver and took Loki’s hand, feeling tension spring from him.

            “I figured Sharon would be meeting us.” I replied, boots clicking while I approached the bottom of the steps leading to a jet he owned. “Wow.”

            “You like Sharon more than me,” Tony leaned on his elbow and faked a wounded look.

            “Yes,” I joked, “what of it? No, Tony, no one could replace you in my heart. I saw Mjolnir. We have coordinates.”

            “Yeah,” he beckoned us up. “She told us.”

            “Got the run down before we leave?”

            “Sharon and Steve are handling Shield and Peter’s new predicament. Couple bonding, I guess. Clint, Sam, and Nat have been allowed to helm my private jet. They should be so honored. Steve insisted Barnes get out so he’s here. He’s extra protection, might give us a leg up on Hydra. Bruce is waiting inside for coordinates.” Tony paused. “Steve said he’d watch the gremlin.”

            “ _Naaki_.” I corrected, passing him. “James have anything?”

            “Rhodey is watching out for us. Not a peep from the big guys yet. Pepper’s handling things the way she does best. Better than I.”  Tony left the door open.

            “Whoa.” I peered around the luxurious jet and Loki released me to set our things down, taking my bag with him.

            “I have taste, you know?” Tony mocked, slipping his shades off.

            “You have a full bar in your jet.” Bucky remarked, the paper in his hand bent down to show his face.

            “Doesn’t get as much use as it used to,” Tony shrugged and Bruce waved me over.

            “Have you spoken to Jane or your colleague?” I asked, slipping into an elevated seat.

            “Janet knows the situation. Jane wasn’t around at the time.” Bruce was clicking into the glass pad and I sighed. Loki eyed me but slipped into a seat across from Bucky with a round table separating them. There was a large television behind me flickering on with a map.

            “Mjolnir was here. I’m certain.” I pressed my lips.

            “Still not sleeping?” Bruce asked idly. “Going to be a seven hour flight.”

            “As if I’m not tragic enough,” I scoffed a little while he finished up. “Thank you.” The pilot’s door opened with magic when I stood. “I’ve found the real party.” I winked and Natasha smiled at me, alone.

            “Hey.”

            “The coordinates are in. Should be ready soon.” I paused. “How are you?”

            “I’ll be better after the flight. Transport in Asgard this slow?”

            “For beings that age so slowly, we sure do like to drive fast.”

            “I’m jealous,” she smirked and flipped a few switches. “What’s wrong?”

            “Everything?” I fiddled with my hair.

            “Anything come up today?” Natasha peered back at me.

            “The possible end of the world, brought about by unknown forces.” I shrugged.

            “Damn,” she paused, “I wished I packed heavier.”

            “Hope you left your fanciest Widow suit at home.” I crossed my arms, smiling lightly before I felt someone sneaking behind me. “Tasha, would you like to know what happened to the last man who snuck up on me?”

            “Oh, I can guess.” She snickered, busying away. “To bed without dessert? Loss of limb?”

            “I get it,” Sam grinned when we laughed before he slipped by me to sit down. “She sensed my golden soul, you know?”

            “Bragging will get you nowhere, Wilson,” Natasha shook her head.

            “Sam’s taking to this life like a duck to water.” I shrugged, smiling. “A natural super.”

            “Sorry I’m late, got held up with Fury and Rogers,” Clint appeared at the door before shutting it and Tony gestured.

            “Waiting on you.” He slipped into a seat at the same time I did when Clint passed. Next to Loki, I grew silent as Tony joined Bruce to chat over the computer and Bucky peered outside while the plane jostled.

            “Cleared for takeoff,” Clint sounded while the engine revved and I leaned toward Loki with tired eyes. I remembered the visions from Cerebro. The directions I was pulled. The souls reaching out for mine.

            “Do you remember when we all went out late to our favorite spot by the lake?” I asked and his eyes slid to mine. “Hogun got a fire going and we roasted our favorite treats. Thor assured us he could catch a fish with his bare hands and he stood in the shallow end, harassing them.”

            “He couldn’t catch a thing.” Loki recalled, sucking his cheeks in. “He seemed genuinely down about it so I muttered a charm and one slipped right into his grip. Another slapped his face. Burnt them both to a crisp when he tried to roast them. Idiot.”

            “Do you remember what Fandral said? Jumped up on a rock and raised his cup.”

            “ _Fandral_.” Loki scoffed and Bucky’s eyes slid to us while we spoke. “Proclaimed this like he was a town crier… Rain or shine. Wit or buffoonery. What is Thor without Loki? An unfinished book. A half-eaten meal. Ink dripping upon the page of a song whose tune has yet to be fully uncovered. A journey without end.” He grew wistful and the jet lifted into the sky while my fingers slipped into his.

            “That was…a happy time. I remember…” I settled my forehead on his shoulder and he relaxed, smoothing my hair with his free hand. Loki kissed my head and I closed my eyes, fading in a sudden fall of rain. “Oh... _sorry_ …”

** ** **

            “Did…Did she just fall asleep?” Bucky unbuckled his seatbelt while Loki held the body leaning on him up, placing her back against the chair.

            “Sweetheart?” He took her face, muttering her name after. “She seems peaceful and I know it is not uncommon for those suffering exhaustion but…I think she was taken.”

            “While awake?” Bruce had paced over to check her pulse. “Can Thanos do that?”

            “This Elm Street stuff is starting to be too much for me.” Tony opened the pilot’s door to warn them. “Psych passed out. We…think she’s okay.” Loki unbuckled her and brought her up to move her to the sofa area, lying her down.

            “She should respond,” Loki kneeled beside her.

            “Come on, Sleeping Beauty, wake up.” Tony bent over next to Bruce while Bucky bunched up his coat to settle it under her head. Loki pressed one hand to her forehead.

            “If I can remain calm, perhaps she’ll at the very least feel it and respond to that emotion.” He muttered, shrugging off his own long jacket to cover her.

            “Is she all right?” Natasha called, unbuckling to come out and see.

            “She just went,” Bucky touched his head. “Out of nowhere.”

            “Wake up,” Loki tried, turning to project some anger. “Back off her! There isn’t any telling where he placed her.”

            “You might want to own up to receiving help once in a while,” Natasha hissed. “Think throwing a fit will help her? Really? We all have dark places.”

            “Darkness,” Loki scoffed. “I pity those who think the dark is the worst of it.”

            “You said you needed to be calm for her so do it.” She countered through clenched teeth.

            “Cool it,” Bruce piped up, kneeling by her head. He peered at Loki and reached to touch her pulse again. “It’s level. Strong. Give her some air…I think we’re waiting this one out.”

            “Turn her on her side,” Bucky offered. “If she starts choking this time.” Natasha shifted and helped them do so until Tony rubbed his eyes, shaking his head.

            “Might want to relax. We have time.” He cocked his head.

            “If she shows one sign of distress, I’ll act.” Loki stayed on his knees, hand planted on her head. “The power to show me what she’s seeing unfortunately goes one way.” He watched as they lingered back, Bucky took a close seat near her head while Natasha shared a look with Bruce and returned to the opened cockpit. When Tony and Bruce seated themselves across the way, Loki relaxed more, watching his wife’s face. “She torments herself so…even as a child. All she wanted was recognition. Love. Adoration. That elf gave her the power to take such things by force and she resists the pull. But, I know her deep pains. She looks at you all and wonders if you are drawn to her with affections that are genuine or if her powers are what pulls you in. Lavender, she utters. Look within yourselves…can you really answer such a question?” Loki stared up at Bucky. “Do you love her for who she is or for what she has done to and for you? Are her powers tugging you into her orbit?” Loki smirked and Bucky’s face remained the same while the plane rumbled. “You’ll never know. Neither will she.”

            “It doesn’t matter now.” Bruce swallowed, hands clasping and Tony leaned over on his knees.

            “It will always matter so as long as she can stare holes into your heart.” Loki shrugged. “Why should she ever stop?”

** ** **

            “This isn’t my house,” I whispered, grass and flowers danced around my knees as birds flew overhead. This isn’t Asgard. This isn’t Midgard. Vines decorated and ravaged an abandoned stone castle in rich beauty. The high sun was setting, casting warm shades all over. Fallen leaves swirled into the wind all around while I walked the lone steps. My dress swayed and a dead little girl came to the head of the steps, smiling at me while extending a hand.

            “You’re late,” she giggled and turned to run. I touched a rail and hurried to follow her inside, doors closed behind me. Music echoed in harrowing plucks of strings and I was enchanted. My guardians bowed all at once, beckoning me deeper while they resumed what looked like a masked ball. “This could be ours.”

            “Where are we?” I’d asked.

            “You don’t remember,” she sighed. “You wanted me to save them. He’s waiting in our house. You can’t say his name.”

            “Where is Thor?” I came up the stairs and she frowned, looking up at me. Double doors opened behind her.

            “He isn’t here anymore.”

            “You’re lying, why?” I passed her while she tugged at my skirts.

            “You can’t wake him!” She cried, dragging her feet. “Come away.”

            “Thor!” I saw him enclosed underwater and fell to my knees, stone circled him but I reached and pressed against glass that was closing him in. He was nude and unmoving, eyes shut. I banged once and the little girl pulled at me.

            “They’re watching, you can’t.” She yanked while I clawed at glass and raised my eyes to the dark corners of this room. Bright matching pairs of glowing eyes sparked open to look back and I let out my breath.

            “The Norns,” I trembled. “How could you bring us here?”

            “It wasn’t all me. We had no choice.” She sniffled. “They wanted to help us.”

            “Go away.” I seethed and she backed up while I beat on glass again. “Thor!” One of my tears slipped against the barrier and it rippled suddenly, causing me to reach into it with a shaken hand. My fingers splayed and drew closer to Thor before a knock echoed. I pulled back and the glass took shape once more while I stood. An echo rang this time like wedding bells and I jumped, spinning to go back down the stairs, leaving Thor behind me. "No one has ever knocked before."

            “You’re not listening,” the little girl stood at the top. My guardians had long scattered into other rooms and under staircases to hide.

            “Who is waiting for me?” I paused, watching her. “You’ve seen them.”

            “Stay with me instead, please.” She pressed her lips and trembled with tears that didn’t change my heart.

            “Why?”

            “Because I will miss you too much.” The bell tolled again and I stared at the door.

            “I want to see who it is.” I was ravaged, reaching for the handle.

            “Don’t let them in.” She pleaded and I hesitated, fists clenching.

            “Why?” I shrugged hopelessly. “We can’t let anyone in any longer. I can’t live like this!” My chest heaved for air before I echoed. “ _Why?!”_ A lock clicked behind me and I froze, turning as light filtered across my eyes and blinded me before I could see who was waiting so patiently. My hand pressed the handle.

            They could not come inside so I followed them outside. I remember dancing with them distantly. I remember them taking my hand and kissing my head. I remember falling so far, I could have looked up and seen Hel before me. Or perhaps the reverse happened. Had I gone above Asgard and Valhalla in one swoop? I never remembered their eyes. That voice. But, Thanos, I remember him pulling me away from them in a fit of jealousy and rage.

            Instead, I lunged up so quick, Loki skidded back from me. Air filtered from my lungs and I touched my throat when I felt the lump like I might… Loki’s question went unheard when I slipped to get up and tore toward the bathroom. Keeling over, my mouth opened to vomit while my head spun around and Loki bumped into me trying to hold my hair up. I didn’t pay attention to the others before Tony’s hand waved a moist towel in my face. Groaning, I took it and whined, wiping my mouth off before my skin shuddered when I felt something still caught in my throat.

            “Oh god, nope,” Tony turned to look away while Loki held me up and I reached back into my throat to pull a strand of hair from my tongue. Shivering, I wiped my fingers with haste and looked into the plane’s toilet bowl before I gasped and reached down. “Don’t touch it,” Tony had peered back and turned away again. Bucky spoke as we all froze upon the sight between my fingers.

            “Hair…” He trailed off, disgusted and horrified. “That’s hair.” It stretched and some plopped down into the bowl.

            “Move,” I pushed at Loki and turned on the sink to wash the bile away, fingers pulled the mass apart. Realization dawned upon my growing horror. Loki saw it too. The blond shimmer caused me to shake it off my hands. “It’s Thor’s hair. _Gods_.” Jilted, I scrubbed my fingers with soap and Loki was staring before I used paper towels to toss the mass back into the toilet and flush it away.

            “What is he doing to my brother?” Loki breathed and I looked into his eyes before turning to throw up again. Bucky grabbed me this time while I braced my hands on the wall in the cramped space and heaved. Gentle, Bucky patted my back with metal fingers and I let him help me to my feet before Natasha pressed some water and mouthwash into my hand.

            “Thank you,” I cleared my throat and washed out my mouth, skin crawling still from the sensation of hair strands caught in my throat. “Loki?” I breathed, and Tony gestured as I washed my hands again. “Loki, talk to me.” I emerged to see him seated with no expression in his eyes. Instead, he got up to pass me, swerving around Natasha to head toward the front bathroom and I fell back into a seat. The lock clicked and I huffed, settling my head into my hands. Have we forgotten how to comfort each other? Had we forgotten each other period? “Shows over, stop staring at me; it makes me uncomfortable.” I got up and passed the group to sit into a chair facing away from them. My eyes averted to the window when everyone silently separated, Bucky returned to his seat across the table from me and tossed a deck of cards on the surface. “I don’t know mortal games well, except for the one about fishing.” I crossed my arms and watched his flesh and chrome fingers deftly shuffle them before he dealt us each a hand and peered at his cards with a serious expression. “I’m in no mood, James.”

            “ _James_ ,” he blew hair from his face to mock me. “Have any twos?” He quirked an eyebrow and I pressed my lips to falter my amusement. My cards lifted up with magic before I peered at them and shook my head. “You have to say it, it is part of the game.”

            “Bucky.” I huffed this time, sitting up with my arms crossed tight still. “I just threw up my best friend’s hair by some malicious use of magic and I am falling apart. I can’t pretend like I’m not right now.”

            “Look you can tell me go fish or you can tell me to go fuck myself, I’ll take either.”

            “Language, Barnes,” Tony smirked from his seat across the way, busing himself with the computer in his table’s surface while Bruce looked over the coordinates with Natasha. “What would Steve say?”

            “You should have heard some of the stuff Steve used to mutter under his breath when things didn’t go his way back then. Which was often.” Bucky cocked his head.

            “You should hear the things he’s yelling now in a fight.” Natasha added, winking. Bucky gestured and Tony shrugged, opening a bottle of water.

            “Point taken. Captain America has a _potty_ _mouth_. Carry on.”

            “Go fish,” I groaned a little, planting my elbow on the table while my cards came to my hand. “Tony, some music would be nice.”

            “Ask your new friend, Sharon.” He joked but pressed a few buttons to oblige.

            “Thank you.” I sighed, dropping my head on my arm while my hand came to rest on Bucky’s wrist across the way. Eyes lifting, I pressed my lips. “Thank you as well…for trying.” He turned his hand to clasp his fingers into mine, beaming with a younger expression. “I don’t know Thanos’ play when it comes to me any longer. I think he wished to manipulate those around me…through me… He is after Loki as well.” I sat straighter and released his hand. “When I found Mjolnir, I felt Jane as well. Something pulls me to her despite the Aether leaving her system. I would like to speak with her before finding that hammer. Something feels off. I want her in this loop and I want to know why she’s edged off so. It cannot just be work.” I sighed and called out. “Loki, come out of there.” The door opened and Loki emerged with a flat expression.

            “The rock. The hair. Why?” He asked aloud.

            “Torment?” Natasha offered, peering at me and Loki slipped into the chair next to mine, swerving toward me. His eyes lowered to the table and Bucky’s hand edged further from mine in response. I think it caused Loki to hide his smirk.

            “When I was a boy, studying magic…I would go into the forest every day and practice my illusions. It would start by turning apples to oranges. Trees to pillars. Grass to marble. One by one. Reaching further and deeper. Until I advanced beyond my own boundaries. These little tests built up to something greater. You told me Stryker unknowingly pushed your mind into a state…it broke open and flooded. Could these be Thanos’ little tests? What is he building to?”

            “Stryker and Thanos both tried to brainwash me under the knife. It didn’t work.” I shrugged, hands shifting into my lap.

            “What if it isn’t just his own boundaries he is pushing but hers as well?” Bruce sat up, pushing his glasses up his nose. “You said the bifrost was closed. Think a guy like him would need another way here? What if he’s using her to look? Trying to weaken you in the process because you’re a threat? He needs the mind stone back too.”

            “It would take power beyond this world and Asgard to cement such a connection.” I heard the Norns cackle in my ears and blinked. “Not even I can handle such a thing. It would consume me and everything else.” I swallowed and sat back. “Jane Foster is key somehow, I feel it the closer we get.”

            “You both shared a connection between infinity gems, it does not surprise me.” Loki mused and I shook my head.  

            “You held two once.”

            “I, however, did not eat or absorb them. My mistake. The instructions were not clear enough.” He responded and Bucky smirked across from me.

            “Don’t laugh at his jokes,” Tony pointed, turning up the music and I fingered a switch next to me.

            “Tony,” I interrupted, “what do these buttons do?”

            “TV mostly.” He sat up and I pointed to another pad. “Don’t press those.”

            “Well, now I have to.” I lifted my lips when Sam emerged just a disco ball came down behind us while the lights dimmed. Two poles shifted down next and my jaw dropped. “Tony…”

            “They don’t get much use anymore either,” he hurried to lean over me, undoing what I’d done while Sam held to the wall to laugh with Natasha snickering next to him.

            “You don’t want to show us your moves, Stark?” Sam crossed his arms.

            “I’ll ban all of you from my tech, you know that?” Tony fixed his shirt. “Back me up, Bruce?”

            “I’m good.” Bruce pressed his lips and we laughed again while my hands tightened into Loki’s with a lighter heart. I wished Thor was here to feel this moment.

** ** **

            “Janet,” Bruce greeted a woman with big, tight spirals of thick hair framing her head when she smiled and came over to press him into a quick hug.

            “Shouldn’t be surprised you all arrived early. A few agents created a perimeter around the coordinates you sent. They won’t get near it yet.” Janet was a shorter woman with light brown skin and a bright smile, her soul practically bounced and flickered before my eyes.

            “Is Jane Foster here?” I summoned some courage and drew out from Loki’s side to peer around Natasha while Janet came to greet the rest of us. “It’s important.”

            “She isn’t here.” Janet grew a little sobered and I cocked my head when she shook my hand, sparking along my skin.

            “I know what her soul looks like and I can see her right there through those walls,” I pointed. “Jane?”

            “She isn’t seeing anyone is what I meant.” Janet eased.

            “I respect this need to protect her. But, I am a friend, she will want to see me. Does she know about Thor?” I stood taller and Natasha touched my shoulder. “Why is she hiding from me?”

            “I am not,” a voice caught us from around the corner. “It’s fine, Janet. I can do this.”

            “Jane…” I swallowed and watched her stick into the shadow with another girl at her side. “Jane, we have to speak.”

            “Give her a moment,” Bruce was at my left, taking my elbow. “There’s something else.”

            “You know something and you kept us out of the loop, Bruce?” Natasha shifted forward, crossing her arms.

            “Jane wished to keep it a secret.” Janet offered. “Bruce only knew because he was here at the time.” My eyes narrowed when Jane came out into the light so I could see her better. She looked tired, thinner. Her hair was cropped shorter with a silken scarf wrapped around just after her bangs. I smelled the air and took a step toward her.

            "That scent."

            “I’m fine, Darcy,” Jane smiled and the woman shifted back. “All clear, remember. For a while now.”

            “When?” Natasha touched her chin.

            “Last year.” Jane shrugged. “It’s been long but I’m fine. I stayed here and I focused on my work.”

            “I do not understand.” I swallowed and Natasha peered back at me but Jane answered.

            “Breast cancer. Lots of medicine and surgery and I’ve been cleared for five, almost six, months.” Jane beamed and came to me. “Thor didn’t know.”

            “The Aether did this, didn’t it?” I clasped my hands and shifted toward her a few more steps.

            “It doesn’t matter. I fought it. I’m still standing here. Janet and Darcy are protective of me.”

            “Jane, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I stood taller and looked at her eyes. “I can make you something to help if you are pained. A healing tonic. Asgard-”

            “I beat this with good old fashioned mortal medicine. I did. I survived the Aether and cancer. Me. Now…I get to continue my work and hear about all the amazing things my friends have done again. So, thank you but, no.”

            “Jane Foster, the woman of science,” I mused, scoffing and she grinned. “One of the bravest mortals I’ve known still.” Jane opened her arms and I embraced her.

            “I looked for Thor, I did.” She whispered.

            “I know, forgive me if I came off upset. I wasn’t. I missed you. Thor needs us all.” I straightened, gesturing and Jane spotted Loki before she stepped toward him.

            “Yes, I heard you weren’t dead.” She outstretched a small hand that Loki could have crushed in his. “It’s good, I guess.” Loki quirked one brow and sucked his cheeks in to suppress a smirk reserved only for Doctor Jane Foster before cocking his head and shaking her hand.

            “Janet Van Dyne,” Janet offered while Jane greeted everyone and I smiled with more ease.

            “Nice to finally meet you, I hear your name often.”

            “Darcy Lewis, I have Jane’s back.” The tiny woman reached toward me and I grinned.

            “Thor mentioned you as well, so did my friend Fandral coincidently.”

            “Robin Hood, yeah, I…remember him,” she blushed red but feigned a shrug and I chuckled. Janet hugged Sam in greeting while we gathered and Jane turned to face me.

            “Is Thor still on Earth?”

            “We think so,” Sam offered and I nodded.

            “How did Mjolnir get so close to us?” Janet asked him and he shrugged.

            “We’re still figuring out the details.”

            “She’s the key, Psyche thinks,” Tony gestured to Jane next to him and she shook her head. “As if all her new awards weren’t enough.”

            “No, they’re not,” Natasha winked and Bucky was quiet behind me.

            “Shield has the area locked down, they can’t see the hammer.” Clint joined in, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Rain sprinkled down outside and I came to the window, shifting it open to smell the air.

            “You know while you all flew here, rain began almost all over the world. One huge storm.” Janet nodded. “Not normal.”

            “It is Thor, trying further to reach out,” Loki replied for me and crossed his arms.

            “Or it’s a trap,” Natasha joined me at the window.

            “We have to follow it either way.” Sam nodded. “You guys up for this?”

            “I’ll let the agents know we’re coming,” Clint replied for us, lips lifting.

            “And I’ll call Sharon.” Natasha added, pulling out a phone. “You lead us.” She peered at me and I nodded. Rain beat a little harder so I closed the window.

            “Perhaps we should suit up.” I offered and Janet grinned at me.

            “I’m coming with you. Hank too.”

            “Now is as good a time as any to hop on the train,” Tony fixed his jacket. “I heard Hank doesn’t share your enthusiasm for this.”

            “Hank’s coming around.” She noted. “He’ll have to. World needs us, right?”

            “Decide on names, yet? Everyone else is. Good ones will be taken” Bruce joked.

            “Wasp and Ant-Man.”

            “Fitting.” Tony pressed his lips in jest.

            “I’d like to hear more about this.” I put up my finger.

            “I’ll explain on the way,” Jane huffed, looping her arm into mine. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

** ** **

            Hank Pym was a quieter soul next to Janet’s when I observed them together in our next ride out. He was a Korean man with a smile that brightened upon seeing his wife return it. Jane pressed me with questions while I shared looks with Loki across the way, he was clearly uncomfortable.

            “Are you both biochemists?” I asked, holding to a looping belt above as Jane sat back in her seat.

            “Yes, Hank and I teamed up after an accident and the rest is history.” Janet replied.

            “Did you build your suits as well?” I wondered aloud. “They aren’t like anything I’ve seen in my world or this one.”

            “We designed them from unstable molecules based on our experiments,” Hank gripped a helmet in his lap. “They’ve been tested but not in a fight.”

            “It’ll be fine, honey.” Janet sighed like she’d repeated this a million times.

            “I’ve read some of your work at Bruce’s request on subatomic particles. Shrink and reverse. Interesting. Why haven’t you formally joined the Avengers?”

            “In my eyes, we already have but Hank is hesitant. Our work here kept us busy.” Janet replied. “Thor was a good guy, we’ll get him back.”

            “I admire the certainty I see in your soul.” I chuckled.

            “My wife will never come back from this,” Hank smiled and kissed her before standing. “Matter of time for us, I suppose.” He fixed his helmet under his arm and Jane grinned to herself. The only one not in a suit.

            “I assume you three have been kept updated by Tony and Shield on the situation.”

            “Titan gods? Yes.” Janet nodded once. “How are the X-Men taking this?”

            “Begrudgingly for good reason.” I replied. “Out fighting like we are. I worry about that school with Stryker about. He is preying on them.” I inhaled sharply and touched my chest, shifting to see ahead with Natasha driving. “We’re close, I feel it.” I picked up the radio.

            “Clint?”

            “Right behind you.” His voice replied before there was shuffling.

            “I remember a cliff and waves, we’re almost there.”

            “Agents cleared us to pass,” he agreed into the mic. “Storm is worse up ahead.”

            “Yes. We’ll be in the heart of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one picks up right away! :D Gugu Mbatha-Raw is my Janet Van Dyne and John Cho is my Hank Pym. Thanks all!!


	36. Worthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finds out what Hydra and Thanos have planned for Thor upon discovering him in a compromising position. They try to keep things together while the government pushes the Registration Acts. A new hero emerges and fate aligns when Mjolnir pulls in another direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Dark!Thor and mind control.

           Rain splattered as Jane fixed her coat and kept up next to me. Her boots squeaked and I looked around at the others spreading out to walk along the rocks. Lightning struck and Loki jolted next to me, looking up to hear the thunder.

           “Thor!” He called out and I took his arm, shaking my head.

           “I feel him but…he is merely in the air around us. It’s all static. I don’t know.” I touched my head. Jane was shivering and I pulled off my coat to set it around her.

           “Thanks. I have this,” she nodded before I could ask and Janet came to help her when we crossed over jagged rocks.

           “Are we close?” Sam called with Tony at his side, both armored.

           “There,” I pointed to the cave. “I’m certain of it.”

           “Lovely,” Tony huffed and cocked his head so the rest of the group followed. Bucky circled with a gun in his grip, ready for anything.

           “Come.” I marched off and Jane hurried to catch up with Janet. Out of the rain finally, I smoothed my hair aside and used magic to dry everyone while Loki illuminated his fingers with light, sending orbs up just ahead of me. “Thank you.” I nodded and he pressed his lips with a determined expression. There was a moment of peace while the orbs floated and the rain splattered down behind us. “Mjolnir!” I sighed out and raced forward, falling to my knees before it. I touched my head when I felt the souls ringing out around me and Jane pressed a hand to my shoulder.

           “Are you okay?” The group surrounded us and Loki kneeled next to me.

           “I feel…jumbled. Lost. I don’t…” I shook my head and Sam shifted forward.

           “Can you find him?”

           “I…” Trailing off, I closed my eyes and touched the handle just as a large hand wrapped around my wrist. Purple eyes glowed into mine.

           “Foolish.” Thanos mused, pulling my mind into his nightmare. “You think we learned nothing from your blood? The first gift you gave us was your silken shroud.”

           “He’s got me.” I was frozen and shaking, I tried to warn my friends. I saw Mjolnir. Pulling me forward through galaxies, looking for its home. _If they be worthy, they shall possess the power of Thor. Worthy._ “I see him. Thanos. Where is Thor?”

           “Open your eyes. He is right here before you.” Thanos let me go and I arched to life, eyes black and gold. Lightning swirled and electrocuted my body, sending me yards back. Footsteps echoed. I groaned out. Jane’s hands were on my face while she shook me, tugging and Loki yanked me to my feet. I coughed and Janet furrowed her brow, approaching me as I brushed myself off.

           “The heart of the storm, you said…” She touched her lips. “You said that you can’t see Thor properly… Why do you think that is?”

           “Yes,” I swallowed and straightened, feeling pain in my spine before her words dawned on me. “Oh gods.” Hurried, I pushed past everyone.

           “Call for backup,” Janet took the lead and Natasha was quick. I stumbled over rocks but Loki sent a blast of light above me faster before it beamed and separated to bathe the entire space ahead. We all looked in horror to a caged area far up with a cylinder tank housing a bound figure.

           “Thor,” Loki rushed ahead of me but I grappled him at the same time Bucky’s arm yanked for Loki’s. “We found you!” Thor looked like an abandoned experiment, floating with a mask over his nose and mouth that let him breathe. Machines jumped to life and I held Loki back. “Let go of me!”

           “You need to stay back.” Bucky warned, shaken up by the sight of Thor in a familiar position.

           “Stop and think. This is a trap for us.” I held him until he sagged while Tony inched forward in his suit. Bucky shared a look with me and let go, lifting his gun.

           “Thor?” Tony called. “We’ll get you out of there, bud. Doctors?”

           “On it,” Hank followed by Bruce and Janet crept closer to look at the devices.

           “They could have kept him here for weeks. Hidden.” Jane covered her lips and shifted forward to help. “How did they get all this here?”

           “In pieces? They found Mjolnir before us. We need to go.” Bruce rubbed his head and Bucky stayed at my side with a rifle while Loki got away from me to touch the glass. As if Thor felt the warmth, he jerked and began to convulse.

           “Something is happening! Thor!” Loki was beating the glass as I tried to help him. “He’s dying!” Jane was pulling at a plug until Janet got the idea and helped her while Thor sparked and shook before sinking when the water drained around our feet. “Get away!” Loki lashed out and everyone stepped back but I moved to him just as the glass shattered and Thor fell forward into his brother. Loki seized with a sob and brought him down. Sores marked where wires had been plugged into his paled flesh and I touched Thor’s head to find him; feeling an area in the side of his head where two even stripes of blond hair had been sheared off for plugs and needles. I recalled the locks in my throat.

           “Let’s get him out of here,” Sam came to us.

           “They tortured him and I cannot feel properly.” I touched Thor’s face and tried to rouse him. “Sam’s right. They will come to us soon. Loki.” He looked up at me and tried to haul Thor to his feet before a device strapped to Thor’s chest beeped red and then green.

           “Thor…” I trailed off. His head snapped up, eyes opening to glow white and I recalled them from so long ago. Before anyone could react, Thor grabbed Loki’s face and smashed his head back into the rocks. “ _Loki!”_ Loki sagged and Thor looked to me next with wires embedded all over, pumping toxins that my blood created into his skin. Veins shifted under his flesh before his eyes glowed purple and my heart dropped. “Thor, it’s me!” I called, waving everyone back before Thor was blasted into a machine by Tony. Rushing, I heaved Loki over my shoulder while he stirred and blood dripped from his head. Orders were shouted as we helped each other run toward the entrance only for bullets to spray the rocks. Bruce dropped to his knees, changing, while Bucky shot in response and Natasha got in front of Jane. Thor and his hammer were behind us before Hydra jets hovered downward, dropping enemy agents. Chaos erupted under the showers so I set Loki down, waking him.

           “My brother…did I save him?” Loki moaned, confused, and my eyes welled up. Jane dropped next to me while Sam covered her, wings expanding before he took off. Bucky used his arm to stop bullets and kicked a man yards backwards into the water.

           “Look out!” Jane pointed as Thor lunged over us into the battle, without the ability to fly. Without Mjolnir in his hand. “He’s not…”

           “ _Worthy_.” Loki blinked, and I helped him stand.

           “Someone is.” I cast a ward to deflect bullets. “Protect Jane. Thor will kill you.” I charged after Thor before he could get his hands on Tony while the Hulk helped grapple him down. Shield agents surrounded on the cliff above to assist. Thor grinned at me, twisted.

           “I am going to rip them all apart. And Loki. And then you.” Thor sent the Hulk flying back and was blasted again by orange light beaming from Janet while wings sprang from her back.

           “Wasp. I get it.” I huffed and stumbled to my feet, magic swayed a Hydra vehicle into the ocean and I peered back at Loki to nod in thanks for the help. Thor was feral and quick, messily lunging and tearing to get at anyone with half broken devices embedded into his skin. He went for me again, leaping over the entire fight before Hank’s suit vibrated and he grew at least ten sizes, swatting Thor into the sand before shrinking while I fell backwards behind him to get away. “Ant-Man. I’m catching up quickly.”

           “Can you stop Thor?” Janet helped me to my feet while Natasha kicked an agent from her and raced over. The Hulk leapt overhead with Iron Man and Falcon in pursuit as Clint readied an arrow to fire. An explosion rained embers and smoke down, time slowed.

           “Honestly, I am not certain.” We were all called to attention when Thor boomed over the storm.

           “You cannot stop this!” He raged, bulging and mad beyond belief. Arms lifted to the sky and I stepped in front of my friends. “Give yourselves over to his whims. He will be merciful. You will die quickly.”

           “Somehow, that still doesn’t seem fair.” Tony landed next to me, hands up. Enemies framed the beach behind Thor and he laughed outward.

           “Avengers. Coming together in rank and numbers. Yet again. Alas. I remember.” Thor’s body contorted while Thanos worked him before he arched back to yell out. “ _Fools!_ All of you. I shall burn these lands. Asgard watches and does nothing. Some allies you have… Others will flock to the power in this world. You all shall see. It has already begun. Give me the girl. The power in those veins. Oh, you were so blinded. The mind stone was never alone.”

           “Thor!” It was Loki who came forward with Jane at the cave entrance behind him. “This is not you. Listen to me. Hear my voice. You know it. I know you’re in there.  _Idiot_. You can’t die. Not like this.”

           “Your brother and wife make for better pawns than you, Loki Laufeyson.” Thanos was behind Thor’s crackling voice. “This berserker. So potent. All he needed was the push. The sky will rain with fire. Blood will spray.”

           “Thor will fail you, monster,” I charged forward and Loki grabbed me. I reached out and Thor laughed again, loudly while the rain stilled in place.

           “A quaint attempt. Still standing, girl. You…think you can speak ill of me. You think you’re in a place to take the high ground.” Thor stepped forward and Hydra shifted up with weapons ready but he gave no command. “You are the greatest disappointment to these realms. This power you squandered. Even Loki believes this. Do you not?” Thor went on, pacing and unhinged.

           “Thor, don’t make us do this.” Tony stepped up while Shield agents closed in on the beach.

           “You’re not as powerful as you believe,” I pushed from Loki and stepped around my friends.

           “How is that? I can rip you all apart.” Thor seethed as I hitched and felt hands on my shoulders.

            _Save him_ , Frigga spoke to me.

            _The truth_ , Odin added from the depths of slumber.  _Speak it._

Rage filled me.  _Don’t make me do this._

           “Once Thanos bids you, I’m sure. Dog.” I spat back and Thor growled low. “You can’t wield Mjolnir. Call it. I dare you.” I felt Loki tug to get me out of the way but I didn’t budge. “Call Mjolnir and bash my skull in, coward!” Thor raised his hand and sparking fingers contorted. The hammer glowed bright and yanked forward before tumbling into the sand behind me. “Mjolnir doesn’t belong to you anymore…”

            _The truth._  Odin stated once more.  _Let history repeat itself. Perhaps once more. Endure it._

           “You are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed! It knows you’re not Thor anymore. It knows you are compromised. And I know Mjolnir was destined for another once.” Thor lunged toward me and I pushed Loki aside before he landed and punched me hard. Bullets whizzed above us as Loki tackled Thor from me and my cheek swelled before blood oozed from my lips onto wet sand. Thor roared, sparking to beat the living hell out of Loki. His brother burned and tore into him with magic until they were sent spinning away from each other. Loki coughed and I passed him, calming. “You’re not worthy but, I know who is.” I taunted and Thor grabbed for my jaw.

           “Stop! All of you!” He angled my face and threatened to snap my neck before everything slowed again. The rain was still paused in time, swiping away while we moved and I beat at Thor’s massive arm.

            _“Say it,”_  Frigga coaxed.

           “I don’t want to.” I whispered aloud, eyes closing briefly.

           “Release her.” Loki’s hands glowed as he growled with blood dripping all down his face.

           “Do you love her? More than anything?” Thor asked, softer now. “Even if she told a thousand lies, brother. Even if she could never be yours again… Speak up!”

           “Yes!” Loki quivered with heroes behind him inching forward.

           “Let her go, man!” Sam warned with Bucky at his side, aiming.

           “Would you die for her? Kill for her? Perhaps.” Thor seized with a chuckle and dragged me backwards, closer to his side of agents. “Thanos will make her his favorite trophy, display her just so on his throne.” I choked and kicked my legs.

           “Thor, please…” Loki came forward and ceased when Thor lifted me higher against his chest.

           “Begging, at last. She did it well. She wished to splay us all and stain the walls with our blood that day? Let us turn that perception.” Thor wheezed and cackled. Thanos was here in his body, controlling him like a puppet. But, this part of Thor. This potential for great evil. It still belonged in his heart and it was speaking over all voices. My friends slid forward with threats but Thor’s grip on me and Nazi weaponry pulled them back.

           “Thor, stop this. Take me if it appeases him.” Loki’s magic faded.

           “You know why she gave me her body, brother?”

           “I don’t care,” Loki replied, “don’t do this.”

           “Thor, you’re surrounded!” Natasha added in warning but he went on.

           “You think it was only because we needed to please the people? Only because we needed to be rid of your stench? Oh, no. Asgard replaced me with her. She stood at father’s right and she was dispatched to end the battles I couldn’t with swift violence and fear. It was exquisite. She got every piece of what would have been ours if you had stayed…and a part of me did burn when I looked into her beautiful eyes. Always looking back. Just a sliver but, I felt it and so did she. Did you not?” Thor shook me and I was taut, trying to fill him with pain but he was unmoved.

            “Yes.” I crushed my teeth and tried not to cry. I failed.

           “So I took her. Hard. Fast. Sometimes violently and she begged for it like a bitch in heat…”

           “Stop,” Tony tried for me but Thor was relentless. Thanos made fools of us all.

           “End this, now!” Janet’s tone was rough.

           “I dominated her in the bedroom when I couldn’t so much as sneak past her in daylight. She felt that sliver and still serviced me. But, she…oh, she had another reason…” Thor was cackling again.

           “Thor, enough!” Jane was crying too with Sam and Bruce shouting as well but they were drowned out.

           “In her fucked,  _little_  mind…the instability that dwelled along her brain blurred. You destroyed me. And she, with nothing left to give…with no other way to understand it… She gave me her body to atone and soothe your very sins. Her need to please me, her dependency cracked her open. She was so distraught and she paid me for you with her flesh and blood. We loved. But, her love and desperation for you drove her into my bed.”

           “ _Please_ ,” Loki had tears slipping along his eyes and I was undone.

           “I have a shot, release her now!” Bucky called, aiming and tense.

           “I split her open while she wept and begged for more to end both our suffering. She would have let me beat her half to death if I desired, due to the pain you brought us.” I was shuddering in a near violent fashion while Thor broke me open in front of everyone. “And when I finished enough times inside her and along her skin…I held her. I held her tightly and prayed for the courage to squeeze the rest of her life from her. I prayed I would no longer hear her innocent sighs of your name still while she slept after I had her screaming my name into the bed. I prayed the stone would finally implode and take her away from me and you and father’s damned side. She prayed for it as well. But, the Norns laughed in all our faces and spat her back out every single time to watch her suffer again. To watch me crack open. And to watch you fail over and over. But, no, we all loved once so what did it matter at the time?”

           Through the pain, my eyes had flooded with power and my teeth bared.

           “You’re not strong enough to save either of us,” Thor leaned over with me, laughing so loudly into my ears and I felt myself snap open before I blurted the awful truth.

           “ _Baldr!”_ The name stained the world around me and I felt Frigga weep.

            _“Thank you. I am sorry,”_  she offered. I hated her and Odin I think. For a moment.

           “Silence.” Thor inched backwards with me and I looked into Loki’s eyes.

           “Once upon a time, a family lost everything dear. A baby. Murdered. The rightful heir. They wiped the name from our lands. But, the King strayed and brought home a golden child from the womb of another woman.”

           “What are you talking about?” Loki’s hands clenched and I saw his soul charge so I pushed and hated myself for it. My friends could only watch us still.

           “The cherished heir was Baldr. The bastard  _Halfling_  was Thor. Soon, the King brought home another baby, tinier than the first, from his very enemies and raised these boys with his radiant, but wistful, Queen. They called him Loki and told him he was equal. They told Thor he would be King. For years, Loki agonized because he thought Thor was favored…but he always told himself that Thor needed the attention because he was groomed to be King. Because it was his  _birthright_.” I felt Thor squeeze my neck but I went on. “This solace. The only one Loki granted himself…it kept him going. But, Thor was and  _is_  just as illegitimate as you are…and still favored of Odin. Even if just a bit. Even if King Odin tells himself otherwise. I felt it. Deep within him so long ago. Things have changed. Why do you think none have ascended to the throne? Fate bound us all together and spat in our faces.” I was laughing a high pitched sound and cracking with manic cries, eyes wide. “All three of us are bastards. Isn’t it beautiful? Doesn’t it  _grieve_?”

           “…You knew this?” Loki’s tone scratched.

           “I’ve known since before the bifrost fell. I pieced it together and swore to never tell you the awful truth. It was supposed to come from them. Thor discovered this truth as well. He meant to tell you. Perhaps. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I knew the whole time and I’m so sorry. That anger. I need that rage. We need it back. You two must finally face each other down. Equals. Bastards. They told me to and I cannot refuse my King and Queen. They have to trust that this time you’ll put it to good use and make the right choice. They have to trust that our generation is better. That history will repeat for the better at long last. No more secrets in the House of Odin.” I choked and heaved while Thor tried to throttle me as I pulled at his grip. Loki exhaled. Inhaled. Green eyes glowed.

           Magic exploded like a bomb went off.

           There would be a part of Loki. Always there. Always looking out from his eyes and into mine. A part that would never forgive me for this.

           Thor ripped away from me and everyone scattered while I gasped for air and looked up at Loki, eyes red and skin blue. He looked deadly and regal, bending down to grip my chin so I would stare back.

           “Get away from me.” Scrambling, I got backwards while water rose from the ocean and blood sprayed the area, covering me and all the heroes around. I couldn’t see Loki or Thor but the limbs of Hydra agents scattered with shards of frost along their flesh. Ice rose up to tomb both brothers inside while they fought and Bucky was pulling me up. Rain splashed to wash the red out.

           “What have I done…?” Breathless, I stepped back in the fog around us as Tony and the Hulk tried to break into the giant orb.

           “We have to stop them!” Natasha was shaking me, blood caked on her face before I turned and looked at Mjolnir. Worthy. What did that mean anymore?

           “Jane Foster. She is the key.” I sprinted toward the hammer while Jane came to us in utter awe, covering her lips.

           “Thor!” She called and I stood before her looking like one of the Norns to her eyes. A glow cast behind me and Jane was near blinded.

           “What to do with that pain?” I sounded like Nerien.

           “ _What?”_

           “Do you want to save him?” I breathed while my friends beat against the dome. Shield agents passed us in a rush to cover the rest of the area. Hydra was blood in the water today but Thor was Thanos’ new toy.

           “Yes.” Jane dropped her hands, peering at my eyes. I was so calm.

           “What is it you want more, Jane Foster?”

           “What are you…?” She furrowed her brow and pushed at me. “Help them.”

           “Pick it up.” I pointed and she shook her head.

           “I can’t…” She replied. “I’m mortal.”

           “Did the great Doctor Jane Foster ever believe that mattered?!” I screamed in her face. “What have you done with these short years?! Pick it up! Pick it up because you believe you are worthy. Because you believe nothing of you or your life has been wasted. Take it because you are mighty and this is your right! Because you only want to use knowledge for good and not evil.” Jane shuddered with tears that didn’t fall and dropped to her knees before me. “I could show you…the wonders…but do you not wish to seek them out for yourself? To see them with your own eyes? You can do this. I believe in you. Now you have to believe in yourself. Life’s most difficult task.” Jane blinked up at me and turned before I stepped back when her fingers touched the weight of the hammer’s might. She tugged and metal gleamed. I reeled backwards by the force when her body was lifted into the air. The light blinded me next before the rain cleared.

           Lightning struck Jane Foster and changed her forever. Thunder followed until a flash of red crashed into the dome and sent it to pieces. Doctor Jane Foster, scientist and great seer of the unknown, stood armored and gallant, hair growing out to shine while her body rippled with power. Awed, I stood when she came to Thor and Mjolnir sent him flying away up past the cliffs with the natural grace of a warrior. Loki came up on his elbows and blinked, either horrified or intrigued. Or both. Jane heaved for air and looked down at herself, landing on her feet as the clouds opened up.

           “She…” Tony’s mask shifted from his face.

           “She is Thor now.” I pressed my fist to my heart and dropped to my knee before coming up. “She has saved us. She was meant to. Thor searched these nine realms for you all these years... Only you.” Jane pulled her helmet from her head and turned to see herself better. I dropped to help Loki while his skin shifted back but he pushed at me.

           “Don’t touch me,” Loki, bleeding badly, held his side and tried to get away from me. “Don’t…” Instead, he heaved and passed out, dropping before I touched his head.

           “Thor is wounded and under the control of Hydra. We must find him again before he finds us.” I swallowed and picked Loki up into my arms.

           “How did you know I could lift it?” Jane asked while I turned.

           “Because your soul told me so…just as my soul once craved the mind stone.” I cradled Loki and stepped over rocks to get away from this. Thor was long gone and this battle had ended. Another would come. Soon. Very soon.

** ** **

           “So…he turns blue?” Tony broke the tension while I sat at Loki’s side. Peppering him in healing spells and ointments.

           “Loki is a frost giant of Jotunheim. He was abandoned in the heart of a battle as a baby because he was the runt of the litter. Odin took him and raised him as I’m sure Thor has told you. His ability to do magic was recognized even he was a mere infant, able to disguise himself to look like what he knew best. His savior.” I replied. Jane joined us on the trip back after a goodbye to the Van Dynes. “Much was kept from him. There was no lack of love. One misunderstanding after another. He should have known from the first. Perhaps, things would have been different. But, that doesn’t matter.” I dabbed Loki’s many wounds and slipped down to sit back against the couch he was on. My own face throbbed from my right temple to my jaw and Sam joined me on the floor with Natasha to help clean the area.

           “Here,” Sam offered and I let them fuss over me.

           “Thank you.” I swallowed.

           “How do I change back?” Jane tugged at the armor and I chuckled.

           “I’m not sure how Thor used to do it, he’d…think it perhaps. You have much to learn.” I paused. “And you have the time now.”

           “How’s that?” Jane shifted.

           “You bound yourself, your soul, not just to Mjolnir… But, to the life of an Asgardian. It has been…granted to you.” I sighed. “I didn’t see it until after. Asgardian souls look different from mortals just as mutant souls do.”

           “I’m immortal?” Jane stood up, causing Tony to jolt and drop his magazine.

           “Not exactly. Close.” My eyebrow lifted.

           “Better?” Natasha put a bandage over my cut so I thanked her and Sam before they got up to help Bucky next. Bruce rubbed his tired eyes, fixing his baggy sweater and studying Jane.

           “How is this possible?”

           “Some things even I can’t explain.” I clasped my hands and relaxed back. Jane shook out her arms and closed her eyes until the armor peeled away, fading to some casual clothing. “You learn quickly. I expect nothing less.” I watched her pick up Mjolnir with ease and swing it a little.

           “It’s so light. I saw things when I changed.”

           “If you were mortal still, they would have burned your eyes from your skull.” I shrugged and Tony huffed.

           “Okay, we just saw Hydra agents get torn limb from limb, I don’t want to see my lunch next.”

           “Forgive me, Tony.” I got up to touch Loki’s head, thumb shifting along his cheekbone. “Jane, a part of Mjolnir will always be with Thor. There is a chance you and I can find him. Together. Thanos is doing everything to block my influence but he cannot block you. Because of you, we have a chance. Thank you.”

           “You did scream at me.” Her tone was light and my lip quirked.

           “Sorry, I was…riled up. No excuse of course. Do you have regrets?”

           “No. What Thor said…” Jane stopped when my gaze snapped up but, I grew soft.

           “It was the truth,” I shrugged. “A passing truth. Nothing more.” I took Loki’s hand in mine and came up again to sit by him. My palm settled on his head to ensure his dreams weren’t nightmares. “I could take the memory of what I did from his head right now… How horrible would that make me?” Natasha leaned over and settled her arms on her legs, answering.

           “It’d make you human.”

** ** **

           “Hey.” Steve Rogers found me in the tower later, tending Loki’s body as I covered him up.

           “Word spreads quickly, I thought you’d bombard poor Jane with questions.” I smirked a little, exhausted.

           “I already did. Sharon’s turn. I had to share. Sam called me a good boyfriend for it.” Steve crossed his arms and shrugged.

           “I have nothing more to offer Shield at the moment. I am weak, Steven.”

           “Not here on behalf of Shield,” Steve paced over when I peered back and nodded so he pulled up a chair near the bed. “I wanted to make sure you were all right. Friends do that. You did a lot this week.”

           “It’s not enough.” I insisted with a tremor in my throat.

           “You have got to stop saying that. Every little victory. It means something.” Steve leaned forward to grip my shoulder then my hand. “No one here, not even Loki I bet, wants you discrediting yourself like that.”

           “…I’m terrified, Steve. I’m pushing so hard to do the right thing. I’m still hurting people in doing so. What I think is right…I’m not sure if I trust myself any longer. Thanos is always here in my head. And I am hearing all these voices louder than my own.”

           “I trust you. I trust your judgement. The right thing, it’ll never be easy. The truth…it can be the most painful thing in the world. You have to just keep looking it in the face and moving forward.” Steve offered me his other hand and I took it. “I talked to Bucky about…what Thor said. Shook him up too to hear that…and to see Hydra so close. He faced them because he’s stronger than he knows and he’s compassionate. You’re like him. Once Bucky considers someone a friend, he’ll always protect them. He’ll always stand with them. I’ll love him forever for it. Keep moving forward.”

           “Alas, the certainty. Always so secure in there.” I joked and he scoffed with a half-smile. “Thank you, Steve.” I stood when he did and wrapped my arms around his chest. Steve returned it without hesitating, squeezing me and I smiled to myself.

           “Captain Rogers, you have some visitors,” Jarvis interrupted us and Steve turned his head.

           “Right, I’ll be down in a moment,” Steve rubbed my arms and I kissed his cheek.

           “I won’t keep you,” I nodded. “Thank you for coming to me.”

           “Well, I figured I’m nearing a hundred now…I might be around for a while still to be your friend.”

           “You had better.” I mused.

           “So…Jane is Thor now?”

           “It’s probably best if she explains that further to you when you’re free to question her again.”

           “Yeah, it was, ah, a shock.” Steve laughed. “I was thinking we all should train together as soon as we can. You need to prepare us for Thor and Jane needs to…adjust.”

           “I can do that.” I patted his shoulder. “Go, I’ll see you later.”

           “Also, your cat is downstairs in the main room. Won’t get up from Sam’s lap.” Steve beamed and turned after to go with a slight wave. He shut the door and I moved to see Loki’s eyes opened and staring directly into mine. Jumping, I recovered and came to his side, touching his chest.

           “Loki, I didn’t realize-”

           “How could I interrupt such a sweet moment of bonding?” Loki didn’t blink. “Get your hand off me.” Instantly, I pulled away and stood.

           “Loki-”

           “I don’t want you to touch and look at me like you understand.” Loki shot up and got out of bed, stumbling.

           “Please…” I trailed off, rounding the bed to come to him.

           “Years.” Loki seethed. “You flocked to my cell. Touched me. Looked at me. Kissed me. Slipped down on my cock. Years! You knew the truth and still had the audacity to-”

           “How could I tell you?” I shrugged, hopeless. “I swore to Frigga and Thor that I would not. Thor wished to tell you when the time was right and you’re allowed to be upset with me but I-”

           “You think this is about Thor! This is about you!” Loki got into my face and I backed off. “ _You_. You’ve known me all your  _little_  life. You know me in every pulse of your heart. But, you couldn’t trust that I would be enough… Still. No, you had to scrape up my anger from the deepest barrel and flaunt it in my face. I…” Loki squeezed his eyes shut and looked away from me, so profoundly betrayed. “Like I’m recycled trash. Souls are just puppets to you. You, with your all-knowing gaze. My progress means nothing to you and you’ve proved it now.”

           “You are wrong.” I whispered."This wasn't just about your anger. I don't want to play this on behalf of others. I don't. You told me to help save Thor first and make you believe that I would. I did that."

           “Perhaps. Does it matter?” Loki clenched his teeth. “What’s equally worse, I could scream at you and rage and ask for your body directly after…and you would offer it.”

           “Yes.” I just stared.

           “That’s not consent. That is fear played up with guilt and sorrow. That is you letting yourself be used or retraumatized. I didn’t realize…” Loki sighed, standing taller. “You manipulate the world and then let it  _shit_  on you because you cannot muster simple apologies. Because you are too afraid to say otherwise...no, because you think that's what you deserve. I’ve watched you get beaten down without asking for help because you feel you don’t deserve it. Why! Why do you still treat yourself with such…disgust? Do you think that is what I want? What the world wants of you? Show me your thigh.”

           “Fuck you.”

           “ _Fuck me?”_  Loki laughed outward before surging forward to back me into the wall. I grabbed at his arms while he tugged my leggings down to see the circular burns before letting the elastic snap while I pushed and wriggled away from him. Heated, he ripped up my coat and dug into the pockets before tossing the small rod at my feet. It broke and I backed up again. “You haven’t changed at all! And you wish to look down on me! Use my anger! All the while, you’ve been fading from my sight and pushing me away! You’re no better than I. Tossing the truth in my face to watch me unhinge so that I might be strong enough to beat Thor.”

           “What would you have done?!” I screamed. “Yes! I was angry too! Those things he just threw out about me in front of everyone!”

           “What were you doing mere weeks ago?!” Loki pointed.

           “Ask your parents what they’ve been whispering in my ears if you ever see them again. Loki, I don't think I'm better than this. Better than you. But, I have to pretend that I am. Fate demands it. Thanos demands it. Asgard demands it. This is awful,” I stood taller and he clenched with heat.

           “You betrayed us. This whole time. You just used me. You think you’re floating up there with the Norns…looking down at all of us. Toying when you please. You’re more terrified than I am. You’re just protecting yourself.”

           “You would be terrified if you saw inside my head.”

           “You haven’t given me the chance. You won’t let me or anyone else shoulder the burden. And then you give your body as recompense.” Loki seized with a breath. “We can’t love this way. You cannot love with half a heart.”

           “What do you want from me, Loki?” I dropped my arms and he leaned toward me.

           “You understand everything in all these realms…but you cannot fathom what is desired of you? You cannot look at yourself and see that you are enough.” Loki scoffed. “If you cannot comprehend such a thing in me, than perhaps we have been over for a long time.”

           “Don’t…”

           “Do not, what?”

           “I don’t want to lose you. I'm sorry.”

           “I believe you.” He wouldn’t let himself cry, nearing to press his hands near either side of my head. I just watched him, eyes wide while he placed his forehead on my shoulder and inhaled.  _Hold me._  I wished I asked. The moment ended and Loki shook his head, pained before standing straighter. “I have loved you for so long, I forgot how not to. But, I’ll do my best.”

           “I’m so sorry,” I cracked and Loki was unmoved by force so he uttered words to push me further.

           “Your parents fucked you up good, did they not? Is that all a parent can do? You still look out at the world and sense your stepfather always looking back. I have defended you from them…for as long as I’ve known. But, right now, you are  _exactly_  like your mother.”

           Payment in full for my own words. Syllables I’d never forgive.

           Pushing him hard, I about stomped off and ripped the necklace from my neck to toss the key at his feet. Loki didn’t move when his ring followed and the door slammed behind me. I was aimless and blinded, going down the stairs into Thor’s room to toss his clothing and bags around until I found the bottomless flask of liquor. My head tipped back when I gulped and slipped down against the front of his bed to the floor, bringing a lavish fur he owned with me. I brought its warmth to my face and inhaled before drinking again in excess. Tears came to break me apart while I nestled on a pile of clothes and wailed until the alcohol took consciousness from me.

** ** **

           I did not dream of Thanos, I dreamed of my castle again. Lively and colorful with those glittering vines and roses. A grand fountain misted me with water while I traced my fingers into the pool, humming. The shadow cast over me and I didn’t turn.

           “I know you. I felt you last I was here.” I began.

           “Yes,” they touched my curls. “You shall forget me in the morning. But, I will remember you.”

           “Are you here to kill me?”

           “No.”

           “Why?” I breathed, eyes fluttering closed.

           “Do you desire to find your friend? The false prince.”

           “Yes.”

           “I can help you.”

           “How?”

           “I can give you what you want. Power. The strength of will.” They paused. “You will branch out soon. Further than ever before. I shall return for you when I am strong and when you are willing.”

           “Nerien?” I wondered and they chuckled at that.

           “No.”

           “What would you want in return?” I asked.

           “Nothing.” They exhaled. “Only the chance to see you grow beyond this universe.” A hand touched the back of my neck and the pool bubbled before me. “Do you see?” Before I could answer, I was pushed into the water and a cold shock splashed my face to wake me. Jumping up against the bedpost, I coughed and sputtered as I shifted hair from my face. Tony, Sam, Jane, and Natasha were all leaning over me as I groaned and touched my head.

           “Sorry…always worked for me,” Tony held an empty cup in his hand and I moaned again.

           “My head… What’s going on?”

           “Loki’s gone,” Natasha offered. “Where did he go?”

           “Probably to locate Thor without us. I think we’re getting a divorce,” I scoffed, still intoxicated.

           “He took your cat with him.” Sam added and I turned over, bracing myself up to stand. “Sorry.”

           “ _Ass_.”

           “Easy,” Jane helped me.

           “You feel stronger, Jane. You have to get to know your body again…or you might crush someone you love.” I cracked with tears and sniffled them back, rounding the group to stumble into the bathroom and dry myself. “What happened?”

           “It’s Steve and Sharon,” Natasha crossed her arms and I sobered a little. “Peggy Carter passed away last night. They left to attend the funeral.”

           “Gods,” I touched my chest and shook my head. “Have you talked to Sharon at all?”

           “She…She was trying to stay in good spirits. They knew it was coming. I didn’t see them much but I know it hit them hard.” Natasha pressed her lips. “Sam and I are going for support. Fury wants Tony to stay here and hold down the fort and he’s coming to meet with Jane after…you know.”

           “Is there anything I can do?” I paused. “Can I come?”

           “Steve is returning tomorrow evening. Maria Hill wants you on the lookout for Thor or Loki with Bruce downstairs. Loki wasn’t in a good state when he left and they think he’s…”

           “Right.” I nodded and clasped my hands. “My thoughts are with Sharon and Steve, I know what Agent Carter meant to them. Bucky knew her as well.”

           “He stole one of my motorcycles and left after Steve when he found out.” Tony quirked his brow.

           “You guys should head out, we’ll be here when you get back.” Jane nodded, offering me a towel to wipe the makeup streaking from my eyes.

           “We’ll keep you guys updated,” Natasha led Sam out and I huffed into the towel.

           “What happened to you?” Jane inquired.

           “Loki and I had a fight and, uh, it was bad.  I think we might…” I shook my head and shrugged. “It was bad.”  _I was bad._

           “I’m sorry.” Jane frowned.

           “I’d like to be alone and sober up if that’s all right.” I turned my head and maintained that ugly distance I was known for.

           “We get it,” Tony offered me a cold bottle of water and I thanked him.

           “I’ll come down after.” I gestured and turned to go into Thor’s bathroom. The door shut and I felt the absence of Thor and Loki hit me with such force, I couldn’t breathe.

           I did not want to.

** ** **

           “I need a place to stay.” Loki, holding Naaki in one broad hand, cocked his head with a straight expression. “You have an extra room in this suite with your beloved staying with her own Aunt again.”

           “I…” Peter Parker, on the unfortunate other side of the door, rubbed the back of his head, glasses glinting in the light. “Aren’t you rich?”

           “Such charges will be tracked.”

           “What happened with-”

           “We’re not speaking.”

           “I don’t think the hotel allows cats.” Peter forced a chuckle.

           “I just need a place for a few days while I locate my brother, boy, I’ll make it worth your while.”

           “How?”

           “You want into Oscorp? You wish to find Osborn. I can provide.” Loki replied and Naaki licked her chops. “I also suspect that a god could suffice at protecting your spider hide and your dearest Aunt.”

           “I don’t know.”

           “I’ll do your damn homework, for the love of-”

           “Peter, who is it?” Aunt May called from another room.

           “Be nice to my Aunt and you can stay.” Peter pulled the door back.

           “Older women love me.” Loki mused, passing him to come inside. Naaki jumped down and got onto the table in an instant, making herself at home. Peter rubbed his face and sighed out.

           “I’m going to regret this.”

** ** **

           “Did you stay up all day and night?” Jane came into the kitchen the next morning.

           “You know, you have this glow about you now,” I cocked my head. “Yes. After meeting with Shield and training…and meditating…I wanted to do something nice for Steve and Bucky today when they gets back. I sent a letter to Sharon since she seemed to be staying in D.C. longer.” I opened the oven and pulled out a pan of cupcakes. “The recipe…it made more than I intended. Jarvis helped which was most appreciated.” Magic filled another pan and slipped it into the oven while I set the timer.

           “Happy to oblige, miss.” Jarvis got me to smile and Jane covered her lips, thoroughly entertained.

           “There must be over two hundred cupcakes here.” She watched as magic decorated them next in fluid motions.

           “Do you think Steve will like it?” I wiped some flour from my cheek and came to sit at the island counter.

           “Who could turn down a cupcake decorated in-?”

           “Yes, I wasn’t sure what to do so I went with that.” I shrugged.

           “They have arrived,” Jarvis offered at the same time Tony entered.

           “Can you send them up?” I clasped my hands.

           “What have you done?” Tony crossed over and I forced a grin.

           “Smells good,” Pepper paced in, dressed with a file under her arms.

           “You can take one to go,” I offered and she laughed, kissing Tony.

           “I appreciate it. Cute decoration.” She winked and bid Tony farewell.

           “You covered my kitchen in baked goods, are you feeding the city?” Tony spoke in jest.

           “Just superheroes.” I shrugged, moving to the door when Steve entered, a sober expression on his face. “Steve,” I hurried to wrap my arms tight around his shoulders. There was a beat before he returned it, nose and mouth pressing down into my neck. “I am sorry.”

           “How was the service?” Tony asked, touching Steve’s arm in a gentle motion and he swallowed.

           “Good…big. A lot of people loved her.” Steve sniffled and I took his hand.

           “I made you something,” I waved behind him. “Bucky, you come in too.” Bucky hesitated but took my hand and I brought them both over to the table. “I tried to look into how mortals comfort and handle the loss of a loved one because it is different in Asgard and I didn’t want to offend. Peggy Carter was a most cherished and formidable woman. In Asgard, her funeral pyre would sparkle with thousands of offering and be set ablaze along the sea so she could join the ranks of Valhalla. We would hold festivities in her honor because she would be celebrating her accomplishments with fellow loved ones in a golden feasting hall forever. But mortals on this side of the world have different customs and so, long story short-”

           “Too late,” Tony added and I smiled.

           “So…I made cupcakes because sweet baked goods can be a gesture of goodwill. I read that online. And mortals decorate them and I didn’t know what to do so…” I picked one up and offered it to Steve. “I put your shield on them? Good? Bad? Please tell me.” Steve blinked at the many behind me and looked at me before he covered his eyes like he might cry. “Oh…Oh no. Steve, this was bad. I’m sorry.” I set it down. “I’ll get rid of them.” Bucky had leaned onto Steve’s shoulder, covering his mouth and I realized Steve was laughing, eyes filled with tears. Bucky was as well and so were Sam and Natasha in the doorway behind him. Steve gestured for me to embrace him again and I did, chuckling.

           “This is…thank you.” Steve wiped his eyes and laughed again. “I’m sorry, first time I’ve laughed this hard in a while. Thanks for this. Just…it’s good. Thoughtful.”

           “Why did you make so damn many?” Bucky asked and Jane laughed next to me while Natasha and Sam crossed over.

           “I expect you all to finish them, you’ll offend the gods if you don’t.” I set my hand on my hips and offered one to Steve again. “I’m learning mortal things.”

           “Tell us more about this funeral pyre.” Sam patted Steve’s back as he slipped into a stool next to Tony.

           “Doesn’t make sense for gods to somehow become even higher gods after they die,” Tony pressed his lips up at Steve. “You can smile again, you’re with friends, Cap. Jarvis, get Bruce and Clint up here.”

           “Heard you met Janet and Hank, forgot to ask about them,” Steve spoke as everyone took seats.

           “Janet is confident and headstrong. She would do well in Asgard. Strategy and leadership seems to bode well for her. Hank is quieter, loyal. I got to seem them in action. They should join us if they can.”

           “Janet is hoping to make the move.” Natasha winked, picking up a cupcake. “Did you decorate all of these?”

           “When I realized that I was making this quantity, I let magic finish up.”

           “Cheater.” Tony muttered.

           “Since you made so many, it might be nice for the Avengers to brighten someone else’s day.” Sam shrugged with sly eyes and Steve beamed at that.

           “Sam’s onto something. That’s how I want us to spend today.” Steve pointed, nodding and Bucky touched his shoulder in a warm gesture.

           “Lots of souls and shelters. I suppose Jarvis and I could fix up a few more.” My lips turned up.

           “Walk with me, Widow,” Tony got up. “We need reinforcements.” I watched my friends come together to share a peaceful day. Heartfelt and trying. We all were pained. We all longed. But, this day, it was a good one.

** ** **

           “I smell like a bakery,” I played with my hair that night and looked down at my phone without a message or call from Loki. “Steve had an idea to train, I believe we should start tomorrow. I’ll let you know about Loki.” We piled into the elevator. “I hope Mjolnir attunes well to you, Jane.”

           “Not nervous at all.” Jane replied.

           “You’ll be fine.” I assured her. “Steve, I’d like to speak with you before you go to your room as well.” He pressed his lips and slipped his hands into his pockets, following me out onto my floor while I waved to bid the others goodnight. “I just had something more for you.”

           “Really?” Steve cocked his head and I opened my door, slipping my coat off.

           “Something I wish to share with you. Please sit.” I watched as he joined me at the table. “It is my wish to share more with my friends. You let me into your life and you let me be your friend. Someone you could rely on. That day when Hydra fell, you gave a speech and I’d like you to feel and see what I did.” I pressed my lips and offered him my hands. “It might overwhelm you.”

           “I…” Steve nodded and slipped his hands into mine. I allowed him to see through my eyes. The way his words echoed and filled the air. The way the colors bloomed and the way they spread between souls looking out at each other with common, beautiful sentiments.

            _“The price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”_

           “Captain America means a great deal to this realm. Steve Rogers is worth just as much to me. I am sorry about your loved one. I know what she meant to you.” I offered while Steve was whirling distantly from me, eyes elsewhere. “She is proud of Sharon, I know this. She is looking at you and Bucky with pride as well.”

           “So you can talk to the dead now?” Steve quipped with watery eyes.

           “Complicated. I always could in a way,” I shrugged, eyes black and glittering, looking past him. “Mostly, I feel traces of her within you right now.” Steve slipped from me and watched my face. “The moment at Shield. Your speech, it is a cherished moment. Do you see the way your words brought life to them all?”

           “Sometimes I think Captain America is bigger than me.” He paused. “You should start feeling your own emotions again, instead of everyone else’s, you know.”

           “There are things untouchable now, even to me.” I sat up and Steve gazed as my eyes pooled before his.

           “You spend enough time making it about them, you forget yourself.” He offered and I smiled in a way that made him recline.

           “And what are you doing right now?” I asked with a soft breath, pulling from him and he smirked a little at that, dropping his head to nod before shrugging.

           “Fair.”

           “You lost someone, don’t worry about me for once.” I touched his face to give him what vivid colors I could one last time from a day that passed with such rage, but the Earth continued to spin underneath our feet. “And bring your best self to training tomorrow, I can’t do it all by myself.”

           “The cocky Asgardian emerges.” Steve laughed and nodded, patting my arm affectionately while he got up. “…Thanks for today, thank you for trying to bring up my mood and Bucky's.”

           “Thor exceeds at the art but I try.” I joked, eyes averting from Naaki’s empty cat tree behind him. “Get some rest if you can.” I let Steve touch my face for a lingering moment and felt a trust that almost shocked along my bones. There was the plead of a promise behind his eyes that he would not ask of me. Not until later. “Tony is making a drink upstairs. You should join him. He wants you to.” Steve turned his head with a smile and shrugged.

           “I’ll consider it.” He paused. “Tony’s scared right now, isn’t he? After Thor and everything…he’s thinking about going to the government, right?”

           “Be his friend and ask him yourself.” I coaxed and Steve understood. “Iron Man and Captain America were never truly supposed to be on opposing sides. I can think of few things as unjust.” One actually. Two brothers. Steve shifted his hands back into his pockets and pressed his lips at me.

           “Goodnight,” Steve offered my name in a kind, airy tone and I bid him farewell. The scar on my hand flickered with yellow light when he was gone and I raised it to see an ember spark under my skin. My fingers closed around the warmth and it was gone while I picked up my phone. Loki didn’t answer. In the back of my mind, I saw him staring at the screen before deciding to ignore it. I felt him ache; the sensation of falling upon your bed after a rough day brought about by difficult people. The sigh before you realize you’re truly alone and just waiting for more days to pass like clouds along the sky. Loki would lose sleep over me tonight and the nights to follow.

           “Hi…” I offered to the empty answering machine. “I just wanted to say…that I miss you. I wish you’d come back… Not just for me. For Thor. This team needs to prepare for him. I don’t want to do this without you, Loki. And…I’m so sorry. You deserved better than what I gave and I realize that. I just don't want Thanos to touch you again. I don’t have an excuse. Come home to me. Please.” My phone was forgotten on a table while I sat on the bed and crossed my legs to prepare for a lengthy meditation that drifted my mind far asunder.

** ** **

           “Where’s Peter been these past few days?” Bruce asked behind me and Clint shrugged.

           “Kid has finals.”

           “Jane, you have to think of Mjolnir as an extension on you. Trust it.” I crossed my arms while she summoned the hammer to her hand again. Her eyes were wide and alight even now. She occasionally would sigh and blink before opening her gaze to this new reality. “Shoulders down.”

           “How about you offer the mortals tips so we aren’t pulverized by Thor?” Natasha spoke, lifting a heavy weight while Bucky spotted for her. Sam and Steve moved items to open up the space before magic swept more things out of the way.

           “You could have done that earlier,” Sam cocked his head and I winked at him.

           “You’ve all fought with Thor to an extent, he is relentless and any of you getting near him would be a death sentence. He is without Mjolnir and flight but still deadly and overpowered. He gets his hands on you, you’re finished.”

           “So, Clint and I are the only ones of use. Ranged, right?” Tony fixed a gauntlet over his hand with ease and Steve nudged him.

           “Hulk has a better chance,” he smacked Bruce’s shoulder and the shorter man inched back.

           “Steve’s right, Hulk might want to stay front row for this.” Sam added so Bruce rubbed his eyes.

           “I’ll never hear that again.” He shrugged and I felt a chill run up my spine upon a soul nearby before the doors opened behind me.

           “Who invited you?” Natasha shifted next to me and Loki was cold.

           “And leave the fate of my brother in this team’s incapable hands?” Loki crossed his arms and cocked his head at Jane on my other side. “She looks afraid of that hammer.”

           “I signed up for this.” Jane replied with ease.

           “She’ll take to it because Mjolnir and our King will it. But, most of all, she willed it.” I sighed at Loki.

           “That so?”

           “How’s Naaki?” I asked and he regarded me without an expression.

           “Fine.” He passed me and smacked a set of papers into my hands.

           “Divorce papers? You’re really going to rub it in my face here?” I crumbled them until they burned to ashes. “We didn’t even marry legally.”

           “It was symbolic.” Loki stood straighter and clasped his hands behind his back.

           “I think you should leave.” Bucky stepped forward.

           “While I’d like to look into those pretty eyes, I’m here to assist. I’ll put my knowledge of Thor and his state out. You need me. Get over it.” Loki replied. “Just because you, and a few select others, wish to sleep with my wife...she doesn’t need you to protect her. You know, I would have happily joined in if you made the move. I almost wish you did.”

           “Okay, you’re gone.” Natasha shifted forward when everyone else did with calls of protest but I took her wrist and quieted them all. Sam and Tony had to grab Steve from advancing further.

           “Tell them what you know of the berserker in Asgardians. Where it began.” I eased and Loki smirked wider at that.

           “You know the story as well.” He dropped his hands.

           “Not sure Asgardian bedtime stories are things mere mortals should get into,” Tony muttered and I stepped toward Loki after a beat.

           “The first Asgardians,” Loki watched my face and I nodded. “Describe them.”

           “Primal in nature. So little humanity…none at all in fact,” I added, hands lifting while magic swirled, calm and pink at first before rushing rosy red and extinguishing when my fingers snapped shut. The lights flickered above me and I felt beautiful, recalling the many eyes on my body. “Uncontrollable killing machines. The perfect warriors forged by the very explosions of dying stars. This state…so potent… It was said their connection to the worlds around them linked together and they…saw things. Everything. The secret to life itself. The way the worlds spun. No more secrets. Forever. Only knowledge in its purest form. Untold horrors.”

           “This knowledge drove them all mad.” Loki licked his lips and bit his bottom one briefly.

           “As if they weren’t before?” Tony furrowed his brow and Loki rounded me while I leaned on a metal post.

           “They ascended from this world both in mind and body. This state of berserker was all they came to know. Rabid and unending chaos.” Loki’s eyes flashed bright before mine. “I bet it was the most beautiful thing in all these nine realms.” He’d smiled fully at me. “They never knew love or hatred. Or perhaps they knew these forces too well. So deeply that they could not touch them. But, they knew cruel fate and death even better. The sight changed them further.” Loki shifted and I did as well, eyes following his until I’d turned my gaze from the team of heroes before me. “What happened next, sweetheart? Late at night when your parents shared this story?”

           “I don’t remember the rest, it was rare for my mother to indulge in telling bedtimes stories and I recall that father had other tastes.” I replied without a tone and felt the chill of every soul behind me touch my spine.

           “Oh? I think that you do. Or did you not feel it firsthand when you crossed over?” Loki leaned toward my shoulder, sliding to go round me again and I caved.

           “Finally, the Valkyries came and threatened them with war, which they wanted…knowing they would die. Knowing they would lose any chance to grow as a race. Knowing somehow…in all this fire that death would free them from this frenzied life. But, instead, they were offered a choice. From that union…they did transcend fully into what we know as the Norns. Controlled and somehow free. Seers of all fate. Watchers of all life and death. All beings are mere toys to poke and prod and embrace when the rare depth of worthiness enters the loom. This world and the next one…nothing can hide. The most terrifying race of being unable to even touch the earth…but somehow there are moments among the chaos. A breath when we all feel them looking. Hoping for us. But, Asgardians now only speak of them in hushed rumors. It’s a fool’s errand to deal with them. Few survive it.”

           “Just one actually,” Loki breathed in my ear and set his hand on my shoulder, looking to the team. “But, Asgardians are still every bit the race they used to be. They are a race of power and war. A race of growth and renewal. They serve these realms. They protect them. They always have. Or....tried to. My wife knows this better than anyone.”

           “Thor has the potential to be the best and worst of us.” I shifted from Loki and shook my head. “He always has. If he is pushed by force…he can be lost.”

           “He can control it if he is pulled back. Even if that pull is slight.” Loki’s arms were crossed. “You’ve seen him claw to come out of it.”

           “Last time, my blood wasn’t a factor.” I countered. “Thor has the benefit of having the biggest heart but even he can be compromised. There’s always another side. Thanos knows, he must have been whispering this in Hydra’s ear.”

           “We need to know how to fight him.” Steve piped up and I nodded. “We all saw the state Thor was in. He won’t recognize you, he won’t listen to you, and he will kill you if he gets the chance.”

           “Thanos wants to take us down from the inside…but he’ll destroy the lives of ever super being on Midgard. Every single one. Mutants most of all.” Natasha commented and I agreed.

           “This distrust toward any non-human being will shatter everything.” I furrowed my brow. “If we can get ahold of Thor for even a second. If I could get my hands on his head long enough to pull something out, it’s possible I can free him. But, Thanos outfitted him in devices to block me.”

           “If I can distract him? Can you do it?” Sam crossed his arms.

           “That is too much of me to ask of you, Sam. Thor could kill you.” I frowned.

           “He won’t be alone,” Natasha added.

           “Teach me what you know about this and I’ll distract him,” Jane stepped toward me and I pressed my lips. Mjolnir hummed in her fingers.

           “Very well. Loki?” I coaxed and he grinned at me before summoning a spell that knocked Jane yards back so Steve secured his arms.

           “Are you nuts?!”

           “Old habits, Captain, she reminds me of my brother.” Loki slipped away and took his place behind me. “She can take it, look.” Jane got up, dropping Mjolnir, and blinking down at herself.

           “That wasn’t what I meant,” I hissed at Loki and his head cocked in a snap.

           “Yes, well, perhaps be a little more specific. Something you need to work on.”

           “Guys, if you two need a moment…” Bruce eased and Tony scoffed.

           “Or some counseling.”

           “She’s too good for him,” Clint muttered.

           “I’m fine.” I set my hand up and approached Jane. “Pointers. Always be on guard. Know your surroundings. But more importantly, trust yourself. Warriors should never half ass a sword swing. It’s easier to slice enemies in two than stand there tugging your blade until their entrails splash you. Forgive the expression.” I turned with a light heart.

           “Too late.” Sam pressed his lips, eyebrows lifting.

           “Pick up the hammer,” I shifted my stance. “You saw things when you changed. You’re making sense of them. Of what you can do now. You’ve watched Thor, if it helps, draw upon that. But, I think you have enough fire and will inside…you won’t need to. Mjolnir gave you the tools but you must give back to it. If you and I bound together and beat Thor, I believe we have a chance.” I paused, turning back. “You all could be training, you know, while I work.” Instantly, everyone separated with glances as I sighed. “Tell me your greatest fears.” Loki approached behind me. “You know Thor, he’s frightened. Quite often. He’s scared he’ll never be enough for the realms. For his loved ones. He's scared of failure. Of doing wrong. You feel that as clear as day.” Jane’s brow lifted, eyes blinking.

           “I fought tooth and nail for my degree. For my work. It was brushed aside at first, but I knew I was onto a breakthrough and I was scared that no one else would care as much as I did.”

           “Passion. Feel that. Come at me.” I stepped aside and Jane hesitated but swung toward me. Loki backed away from us to watch as I grabbed Jane’s arm but she yanked, swinging again when I ducked and we both jumped up onto a balance beam. “Do you allow your heart to feel pride for yourself?”

           “I’m too busy moving onto the next step.”

           “Endless,” I puffed. “And the Aether. Thor opened this world to all the knowledge you’ve been after for your entire life. Did it set you at ease?”

           “No, it drove me forward but it…I was angry.” Jane jumped toward me, bringing Mjolnir down so I tripped her. She fell hard and puffed for air toward the floor but got back up. Faster this time.

           “Why?”

           “I could chase it forever and run out of time. It sat there existing like it was the most obvious piece of the puzzle. Like I was stupid for not touching it before. And the Aether, I was sure I’d just die. In that beautiful world.” Jane charged and I leapt over her while she swung around, kicking me firmly in the side which caused me to stumble.

           “It isn’t always that beautiful.” I breathed.

           “That’s what I realized when I was diagnosed. Hiding away, thinking I might not make it while my friends were so…too careful with me. My work. It’s everything. And it would be taken and passed off and…and just keep going while I was gone. I tried to find comfort in that but I couldn’t.” Jane pressed her teeth and I came to her this time, we clashed once. Twice. Before I sent her skidding back and she bounded forward. “My skin stuck to my bone and chunks of my hair fell out. I was terrified and I kept telling myself this was the price for knowledge. Something good can come out of it. But, I…I was scared. People tried to make it romantic and I hated them for it. It wasn't pretty at all. I wasn’t ready.”

           “Go on, Jane.” I requested, jumping back and around to avoid blows while we circled each other.

           “And the surgery. It was all so routine. They removed parts of both my breasts and the scars… They didn’t change when I did after picking up the hammer.”

           “That means you wanted to keep them. Fate obliged you.” I noted. “Did Mjolnir bring you comfort?”

           “I don’t think I believe it’s real. I understand the choice I made. I understand what it means for me now. But, I still think I’m living on borrowed time.”

           “You wouldn’t waste it either way, Jane Foster.” I offered, twisting around before magic swirled up my arms. Jane’s eyes sparked at me before she gripped Mjolnir, ready for the real fight.

           “Thank you.”

** ** **

           “I can’t believe she didn’t break anything. She should have picked up his hammer ages ago.” Tony mumbled as we went up the stairs into the main room.

           “Fury’s waiting on the line.” Steve picked up a remote and clicked the screen on while we gathered. Loki silently lingered behind on a stool near the counter, we locked eyes and I passed to stand behind the couch.

           “We have a face for Hydra’s current leader. Baron Wolfgang Von Strucker. Some of you know the name. As of now, he’s untouchable. Holed up in what we think might be Hydra’s main facility around Sokovia.” Nick began. “We lost a team of agents in the process of casing their lab. Crossbones was there. Same happenings. A few Hydra agents muttering to themselves and talking to things that weren’t there. Others were frenzied and ridiculously overpowered.”

           “Thanos.” Steve peered at me and looked back. “Sharon thinks Rumlow is part super soldier serum. Badly replicated.”

           “She’s not wrong as usual. Thor was sited in Russia. We lost him again, but he smashed his way through a nearly abandoned town and fires spread beyond it. They got it under control for now but the moment Thor’s face is plastered all over the news, we’re not going to be in control any longer.”

           “We have to get ahead of this,” Tony muttered to himself, touching his lips.

           “Did they see where he was going?” I asked.

           “He broke every surveillance camera nearby. We don’t even have eyes in his vicinity.” Nick replied and I rubbed my arms, holding myself tight. “But, what we’ve realized is not everything was taken when Foster grabbed the hammer. Severe thunderstorms are following our friend around and lasting days. It’s the only lead we’ve got. Hill is on her way back to the states so I’m giving the updates. She’ll meet with Carter and handle things in DC. You all need to get on Thor, there’s too much at stake. I’m sending files over from our last mission and Strucker.”

           “We’ll locate him.” Sam affirmed and Nick clicked out.

           “Guess that means I’m back on the clock,” Bruce stood up and Jane followed.

           “I chased storms for years. This might be more my thing,” she passed him and he chuckled.

           “You’re not wrong.” The elevator shut and I rubbed my head.

           “Who is this Baron? You weren’t surprised to hear the name.” I asked and Natasha stood with the others.

           “Shield’s dealt with him on some level before. He’s a fascist. We never were able to make the arrest.”

           “Makes sense he’s mixed up in this.” Clint touched his lips and shrugged. “We could have rooted out Hydra a long time ago.”

           “Yes, we could have.” Steve turned his gaze elsewhere. “But, now is all we got.”

           “So, we know where to find this fascist but we’re not going after him yet, how much longer can we draw this out. The government will never turn over and accept heroes, so why are we sitting back?” I piped up when everyone shifted to go but paused. “We’re at war. This world has courted war as long as Asgard has and I see it.”

           “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t been selfish from the start…” Tony shook his head. “We might need to sign those papers.”

           “And give up what little control we already have?” Steve shook his head.

           “We sign and we get to stay atop this, Steve.” Tony replied.

           “No. We’re not starting a-”

           "War is already here." I gestured, shoulders dropping.

           "This is not Asgard!" Steve grew heated at me in turn.

           “No, you're right. It is not Asgard... It's worse. Asgard has never been perfect or even good at times. But, I’ve paid close attention to this country.” I voiced louder. “Bombing other countries and wagging their fingers when refugees try to flee with their bloodied babies for sanctuary. Forcing those who speak other languages to conform to English when the pale ones aren’t ever willing to offer compassion and learn about other cultures. Separating those who are a different race into a pit and shaking their heads when they cannot crawl out of it. Ah, and the history. Bleak. Colored drinking fountains. Fetishized Asian and Hispanic girls. Jewish people rounded up and slaughtered. Muslim people murdered out of fear. Women cannot make simple decisions about their bodies. Little boys cannot cry and little girls are weak for it. Rape is mocked in courtrooms. Black children shot in streets in front of their mothers. Children killed in classrooms and yet, victims are blamed. This is not just history, this is an ongoing war that spread all over this world and there are those who still think they can turn from it. Imagine being that far up your own ass? Can you really look at the treatment of mutants and think anything has changed? I know what governments do when they are upset. Point the finger. Instill fear. Pretend it is patriotism. It’s sickening. It isn’t right. We have the high ground to step up for those who need us. Why are we so afraid of these old men in suits? I don’t understand. I am frightened and I want to have care but we’re hiding now and I cannot do it any longer. Love and hatred are both valid. Standing on a fence does nothing but make it alright for oppressors to continue on. So if there is a chance that stopping Thor will help, I’m willing to run for it the second he’s seen. If there is a chance that fighting will continue to save lives, I won't ever stop.”

           “Look…” Steve came to me and touched my shoulders to calm me down when I stared into his eyes, pleading.

           “You said Captain America was bigger than you. Maybe there is truth to this. The Captain can be a beacon of hope for those who still believe in heroes. In doing what is right. When you disappeared, this world created your monument and not everyone abandoned you, Steve. Don’t you abandon them in turn. You have a chance.” Steve pressed his lips and his brow came together before he sighed.

           “She’s right.”

           “I held us back on purpose, I should be held accountable.” Tony uttered, eyes distant.

           "You're a good person, Tony, and you did more for us than you know." I offered.

           “Reed said they’re pushing those accords and I got scared." He went on. "I want to find Thor but we’re going to pay for all of this... So, fuck it.”

           "Tony and I are on the same page." Steve grinned this time. "Fuck it. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We find Thor and bring him down. With or without the government.” He turned. “Fury and Hill might not like being left out of the loop if it comes to that. Sharon will cover for us. So, they can wait…until we come back.”

           “We need to distract Thor and slow the guy down,” Clint nodded. “How are we supposed to do that?”

           “Practically invincible.” Natasha smirked. “We could bait him with Loki.”

           “She might have a point, he wants to crush you the most,” I turned. “Do you remember growing up…what was it that always brought Thor down?”

           “His own ego,” Loki leaned to the counter by his hip, arms crossing. “My brother is without bodily flaws, you’ve all seen him.”

           “You’re blinded by his glow.” I stepped forward. “Do you remember the snake? Almost put him into a sleep he might not have woken from. The fever. Even now. My blood. Those toxins from Hydra. Not even the mighty Thor can withstand poison. This goes for all Asgardians.”

           “So we toss Thor into a pit of snakes? I can have one here in fifteen minutes.” Tony offered and Loki scoffed.

           “You’re describing my teenage fantasies,” he sighed and stood up. “You think we can pump Thor full of enough paralyzing agents to counter the berserker and his toxins.”

           “Stryker filled me with enough to keep me docile. If we can slow Thor and I can get my hands on him… It’ll be horrifying but nothing is worse than what Thor is going through with Thanos in his brain. Perhaps, Thor will be able to lead us to Hydra’s main facility. But, all this planning will be for nothing because he may come to us first. Jane is the key and I know that in my heart. She knows this as well. However, if I had a weapon like that, I’d keep it close and…oh no.”

           “Oh no?” Loki’s eyes narrowed.

           “I have an idea that none of you will like.” I pressed my teeth.

           “Hell.” Steve shook his head when I looked to him. “No, it’s out of the question.”

           “They can’t kill me.” I tried.

           “They can,” Natasha shook her head.

           “They won’t. Thor had every opportunity but Thanos needs me alive, I know it. If we let Thor grab me, we can track him because Thanos is doing everything to block me out.”

           “It’s too risky.” Sam came between us all.

           “Indeed,” Loki’s lips curled. “Yet, I wonder if I can offer a slight alternative.” Light shifted over him and he turned into me, voice changing. “We let Thor believe he has her.”

           “This is weird,” Tony droned behind me and I nodded, coming closer.

           “Tony, I believe our minds have linked together. They'll know it's not me.” I tilted my head at the same time Loki tilted his at me, causing me to shudder while his hands smoothed over the body. I smacked at his fingers. “Stop touching me.”

           “I am not. You’ve seen stranger things from me.”

           “I won’t argue there…” I sighed, turning. “Steve?”

           “Like you said, this planning might mean nothing. Jane and Bruce still need to locate a perimeter at the very least. We don’t have the weaponry to slow Thor, this’ll end in a fight. It’ll get ugly. Until that time, yeah, we’ll ride this out. Keep training for Thor. Work with Jane if you can pull her out of the lab.”

           “Of course,” Loki answered for me and I rolled my eyes when Steve looked between us before I touched Loki’s neck and broke his illusion. “Excuse you.” He pulled from me and checked a watch on his wrist. “How time flies. Fortunately, I have somewhere better to be.”

           “Where have you been staying? Credit cards are uncharged.” I inquired.

           “Checking up on me?” He smirked and everyone looked between us while I held myself. “That’s my money, I can use it or not if I please.”

           “Your money? I recall helping you win a good half of it during our trips to the great Vegas town.”

           “Cheating?” Bucky piped up from Natasha’s side and Clint chuckled.

           “Two sorcerers enter a casino.” Loki winked. “I forgot the end of the joke. Nevertheless, I don’t have to tell you all. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” We shared a beat of silence and my eyes flickered over his face.

           “I’ll call you when we locate Thor, could take a few days.” I turned from him. “Direct yourself to the exit.”

           “Gladly.” Loki’s voice lingered behind me while I took the stairs far away from him.

** ** **

           My meditation was interrupted that night by a phone call.

           “Peter?” I stilled at the sound of heavy breathing and web slings in the background. Laughter echoed and I recognized it before the call cut off. Jumping from bed, my clothing changed as I hurried up the stairs and bumped right into Steve. “Peter,” I heaved and Steve grabbed my wrist to tug me with him.

           “We got a call from Reed, Ravencroft is under attack. Fantastic Four are in pursuit. Mary Jane Watson is missing.”

           “Harry…” I touched my lips when we got upstairs.

           “Iron Man and I are going now. Take the jet.” Sam’s wings retracted while Bucky and Natasha hurried to start up our vehicle.

           “Go, we’re right behind you!” Natasha called and Sam jumped over the edge after Tony when they both took off.

           “Jane, come on, we need you.” I waved and she hesitated before taking my hand to enter the jet, frazzled. Clint handed me an earpiece.

           “Psych?” Tony asked into it.

           “I’m here.”

           “When we’re over the building, we need your eyes inside it.” Sam followed.

           “Got it.” I leaned over Bucky at the controls and looked outside. “What exactly is inside Ravencroft? Otto Octavius was put there, who else?”

           “Ravencroft Institute for the Criminally Insane.” Bucky replied and Natasha looked up.

           “Villains picked up over the years.”

           “Do a lot of them have connections to Oscorp?” I wondered.

           “So you do pay attention to dirty rumors,” she turned her gaze from me.

           “If I were a million dollar corporation, I’d want a place to put my mistakes and wrongdoings. Passing someone off as insane is the quickest way to discredit them. Is it not?” I shook my head. “Peter is there and I’m certain Spider-Man isn’t popular among those held inside. Don’t you think luring him there with Mary Jane would make it easier? Be on the lookout for Harry Osborn. He’ll be here as well.”

           “You know your corruption,” Bucky smirked a little and I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

           “I’ve been raised in it,” I winked, standing taller to go to Jane. “Trust yourself. If you’d rather stay-”

           “Here? No.” She looked beyond me. “I’m in this, right? I should be here. I know I can do this, I just…I just have to do it. When I hold this hammer, I feel it. It feels right somehow.”

           “Two minutes out,” Steve warned.

           “Captain, we might have a problem.” Tony commented and we all saw the smoke in the distance.

           “Locate Sue, she’s probably already trying to contain this.” Steve replied.

           “I have eyes on Johnny and Ben,” Sam added. “Going down.” I approached the helm once more, one hand on Bucky’s shoulder and the other on the window as I braced myself forward, expanding out. “I see Peter, he’s…he’s in pain. Deep under this place. It’s chaos in there…ah…” I felt Bucky’s hand rest over mine when I squeezed. “He’s at least five levels down.” I watched water crash on the shore surrounding this stone building. It was dark except for the fires lighting around it and flood lights in the sky. “West end. Harry is there as well and he has M.J. We need to find them and…oh…that  _asshole_.”

           “Loki’s here,” Tony translated for me.

           “We got that,” Natasha replied. “Why is he here?”

           “Where do you think he’s been staying? Peter is getting sat down for a chat after this.” Steve answered and she rolled her eyes, amused. “Bring us down, open the back.”

           “I’m going.” I turned. “Jane?”

           “Right,” she gripped Mjolnir and I touched her shoulder. Bruce, who’d been silent, merely sighed and removed his coat and glasses before nodding to me.

           “I’ll go first,” he faced us when the back opened before falling backwards after a slight wave when the Hulk took him over.

           “Take these to Reed and Sue,” Steve handed me two earpieces.

           “Now it’s a party,” Tony had spoken over the roar. “How about a door for us, big guy?” Stone cracked in the distance while I took Jane’s hand and we both jumped out together. I watched armor swirl up her arms before she gritted her teeth and swung Mjolnir around, letting me go to take to the skies.

           “Wow…” I breathed, catching myself after a moment. “It is becoming on you, Jane.”

           “Ha…thanks. I have...half an idea of what I'm doing.” She’d replied.

           “You're doing it pretty well." I watched her knock into a tree and shake it off. "I’m going inside.” I landed atop the cold stone and a body stretched up, swinging to land near me. “Reed, how are you?”

           “Been better,” he heaved, wiping grime from his brow.

           “For you and Sue,” I offered out my hand.

           “Thanks,” he fixed one in. “Stark, we need to lock this place back down.”

           “Trying.” Tony replied. I patted Reed’s shoulder and passed him, leaping down into a hole and crawling over broken beams to get inside. Armed guards regarded me but got distracted by a round of prisoners so I stepped in front of them, hands glowing gold and red while I lifted into the air. Instantly many took cover in their cells so I descended.

           “Lock this place down.” I passed a guard and they all hurried off so I raced to the stairway, feeling for the souls I knew. “The deeper I go, the more dangerous of being held…have caution.” I spoke to my team. “I’m in pursuit of Peter.” Something grabbed my ankle and jerked me into the wall, holding me upside down while I was dazed. Claws emerged from the shadows and I smiled.

           “Doctor Otto Octavius, how’s the escape going?”

           “Better now.” He touched two fingers to his temple and flicked them out to salute in a familiar gesture that I mirrored.

           “You know that my husband was an admirer. Had a bit of a crush on you.”

           “I’d lie if I said I didn’t enjoy Ava’s company. Quick witted and sharp.” Otto brought me to his face. “Spider-Man is here, I know it. Where is he?”

           “I was about to ask you.” I feigned a light expression, hair and arms hanging down. “Who is Mary Alice, Dr. Octavius?”

           “What did you say…?”

           “These claws are important extensions of you. Linked into your soul now. I’ve kept hearing echoes of a name laced in regret. You’re not a bad man, Otto. I know bad men. You and Harry Osborn were poor imitations.” He tossed me across the floor and picked me up again to slam me back down.

           “Don’t say that name again.”

           “Your mother convinced you to break things with the one person you loved…then flitted about with a man behind your back. Trying to keep you to herself. My mother was manipulative too. Are we just poor imitations of poor parents?” Claws raked me across the floor and this time and I jerked forward, knocking Otto down before I brought a steel beam down with me, crushing all four of his claws under the weight. Otto struggled and kicked around but another followed and I approached him. “Sorry about this, Doctor, but I’m not the one to talk you to your senses and make you realize you’re better than this. You're not a monster, you were just used by one.” My fist charged into his nose with enough force to knock him back unconscious. I lifted my head at the sound of a scream before I rushed out on the stairs; a round hallway where I could see the many massive levels of this place and a long drop down. Getting up onto the beam, I called out when I saw the struggle; Peter and Harry swirling about on his glider and breaking into the railings.

           “Help her!” Peter choked in Harry’s grasp, suit torn up and I gasped at Mary Jane hanging from a mangled rail. Charging up, I caught her just as her fingers slipped.

           “I’ve got you,” I swung up to the next level, setting her down while she hyperventilated. “Hey, breathe with me.” I took her face to calm her and heard the heavy footsteps before doors burst open and three prisoners fell down unconscious. “Ben!” I waved him over.

           “He’s going to kill Peter,” Mary Jane tugged at my arms, grasping a loose bar at her side.

           “He won’t, you have to get to safety.” Another prisoner barreled down the stairs and tried to tackle Ben. He seemed more annoyed with it. Mary Jane surged up and smacked the bar into the man’s head, knocking him out before I could react.

           “Thanks.” Ben gestured and she held the weapon close, stumbling.

           “No problem.” She inhaled sharply. I helped her stand straight again, holding her tight.

           “Let’s get you out of here,” Ben nodded to me and picked M.J. up. “We’ve secured Watson. Spider-Man is still down there.”

           “I’m in pursuit again,” I touched my ear.

           “Be careful down there, some things are buried for a reason,” Natasha had warned when I jumped down, flying lower before someone whistled at me.

           “What are you both doing here?!” I landed on Loki, hands smacking on either side of his head.

           “We tracked the Goblin as he’d kidnapped the Watson girl,” Loki wiped some blood from his lip. “He brought her here as bait.”

           “It was stupid of you both to go alone.” I got up, tugging Loki with me as I raced on and grabbed his arm so we could get lower together. “Oscorp’s mishaps…all in one place. So much hatred.” I landed at the bottom and Loki pulled from me. “There!” I rushed toward the fight to separate the boys, Harry spun away with a wicked grin across his features before he tossed an explosive. Loki deflected it with a ward while I covered Peter, pulling him to stand. The hallway lit up framed with stone and steel cells, the most dangerous criminals held inside. Peter charged with fury and revenge but I pushed him out of the way when Harry swung into us, lifting me from Peter until we both fell down the final steps through glass into a control room. Groaning, I rolled over and Harry tossed a flash grenade that blinked once and exploded, sending me into a wall in a haze. “Harry,” I put up my hands in the confusion.

           “You’re bleeding,” he’d rasped, claws dug into my arms before he sunk his teeth into a wound on my shoulder. I about screeched, jerking to push him off so he fell against the controls, cackling. “Look at this… Just like you and I, Psyche, all these buttons  _waiting_  to be pressed. I bet this one will bring a little fun back into the world.”

           “Harry, no!” I tackled him at the same time his fist smashed through a case and all the lights ran red. “What have you done…?” My heart froze when every door along the hallways opened, stilling both Loki and Peter when they rushed forward. The large guarded button sent alarms going. Harry had purged the facility. I hurried to try and lock a few but chaos erupted.

           “Lock this place down now! Harry evacuated it, Steve! We need more people in here!” I was knocked over again by Harry when he flew out, looking for something. “Stop him!” Loki sent up a spell that detached Harry from his glider and sent him crashing down into the stairs. A winged man like a vulture flew from his cell and plucked Peter up while I jumped out to stop him. Lights broke all over. A surge of electricity with a soul exploded from another cell, warping from socket to socket before it disappeared above. Peter swung back down, shooting webs to stop criminals in their tracks while Loki and I cast spells behind him. My earpiece fell out in the fight as a round of Loki’s knives cast into a man behind me. I fell backwards and watched the man grow larger, breaking down into sand like particles until he swirled and swept out to escape. Norman Osborn created these monsters from the rage of desperate humans. Harry was crawling toward the largest cell as a black speck, like a thick spider web covered in ink, whirled across the floor.

           “Grab the boy!” Loki called when I got my hands on Harry’s shoulders.

           “No! Let me! It wants me!” Harry beat at me and I held him down.

           “It’s over, Harry! You lost!” I looked up when Peter stepped above me and the goop grabbed for his ankle as if it smelled him.

           “No!” He fell against the stairs, ripping at it and Loki clutched for him.

           “Hold still, boy,” Loki wrung his fingers around the dark matter and froze it in his grasp, breaking it from Peter before tossing it back into the cell. Harry was still struggling; he tapped a button on his wrist and I didn’t have time to react before his glider ripped me away from him. I screamed and Loki reached for me but missed as I was flown up a few floors in the chaos, caught on one of the blades. Out of control, I tried to get off but crashed up into a large boiler room, pipes broke from the walls and landed on my hips and legs to pin me down. The stone wall crumbled to crush my lower half. Water from outside began to pour around me while the glider spun out to seek a master. I pushed at all the steel and stone crushing my lower half into place and felt it bend but not budge any further in my awkward position. Frantic and dazed, I scratched and clawed as the water surrounded me to fill up the space.

           “Loki!” I screamed, echoing. I pushed off my stomach, spine curving so I could stay above the water. Eyes closing and opening to change color, I branched out to feel the souls just beyond the room.  _Help me. Feel me and help me._  I recalled the way I’d been able to seep into souls without touching them. I recalled the pain and rage I’d felt and the way they echoed the summoning.

            _String them up_ , one voice had beckoned and I shut my eyes again.

            _Help me_ , I tried instead.  _Help me of your free will._  There were only two souls here linked deeply into mine after I’d been inside them. Loki and…

           “Bucky!” I reached out when I saw his silhouette.

           “I found her,” Bucky waded into the water, gun slinging on his back. “We need assistance now, she’s trapped. Eight floors down. South end. Looks like a rusted boiler room. Water’s coming in.”

           “You felt me reach out.” I grabbed for him while we strained to pull at pipes. Bucky tried to kick one aside but it was trapped between rocks outside and the wall of the room.

           “How’d you do that?”

           “Honestly, I’m just guessing at this point.” I craned my neck back. “ _Ack_ , I can’t even move my legs. I'm tired....I'm so tired. I'm losing my strength.” Bucky kneeled to help me stay up.

           “Get down here now!” Bucky tried again, straining to free me as I tried to breathe even.

           “I can breathe underwater, I’m not sure how long the spell will last,” I gave a deep breath and his hand curled into mine. “Peter’s hurt, Loki was with him. I…I think Harry got away. He purged the prison. This is awful, so many got out. You need to get out of here.”

           “I’m not leaving you alone,” he’d promised and the water was up to my neck. “Jane, we need you… They’re coming.” Loki called my name and water splashed while he came over. Peter was bleeding badly but all three tried to free me. Metal curved under Loki’s hands as he pressed his teeth and lifted a palm to try freezing the water flooding in, slowing it.

           “Harry, little shit, bit me.” I tried to joke and Loki ghosted a smirk.

           “We match.” He sighed and I caved, lips pressing to betray my fear.

           “I’m sorry, Loki. I’m sorry I shut you out. You were right about a lot.”

           “I was cruel about a lot.” He strained to push with Bucky and Peter slipped down, huffing and puffing. “It isn’t my wish to make you choose between them and I. I merely want to stand with you while you fight this.”

           “I know,” I bubbled on some water and spat it out.

           “Hold on a little longer,” Bucky’s metal fist clanged hard against steel. “Keep talking to her, she’s in pain.” Loki obliged and Bucky pressed his lips up, looking away.

           “I don’t want a divorce. I was upset, lashing out, and trying to be theatrical. Forgive me.” Loki jolted with a call of my name when the pipes shifted, forcing me under the water as I beat on the ground. Bucky and Peter were pulling at me while I tried to breathe with my spell, my heart was clenching. Utterly crushed, I cried out and clawed at the stone until my fingers were raw. After a moment, Bucky shifted under as if to comfort me while Loki kicked at metal and tried to shift water from me. Lips pressed against mine when I could no longer take it, Bucky breathed into me and shifted up only to come down and do it once more. Hands cupped my face with desperation. Everyone shifted in a sudden motion and the pipe was hit away from me, vibrating while I was jerked up by a bunch of hands. Coughing, Loki tugged me into his chest and swept damp hair from my face as I shuddered until he muttered a spell to pull water from me.

           “Jane…” I breathed at the sight of her. “Thank you. Thank you all for that.”

           “Getting used to the swing now,” she twisted Mjolnir in her hand and I smiled, touching Bucky’s chest with some affection and nodding until a spell took water from the rest of my friends while we stumbled.

           “We have to get up there, come on.”

           “Mary Jane?” Peter limped as we went.

           “Ben took her out to safety.” I replied while alarms and sirens echoed all over.

           “The fallout for this is going to be awful,” Jane looked out over the rails when we got up to the twisting hallways. Peter let out a grunt and slipped down to the floor, Loki picked him up over his shoulder.

           “You’ve had enough today,” he sighed and we raced up a set of stairs. Jane grabbed for Bucky while I got Loki and Peter so we could fly up to the roof. Instantly, I fell on my bottom outside when the cool night air hit my skin. Stumbling, I got to my feet and looked over.

           “SWAT teams.” Bucky observed, ducking his head down.

           “Spider-Man and James Barnes were never here. Jane, go with Loki to finish this while I get them to safety with M.J. Loki, don't be seen. Bucky is a ghost and Spider-Man can’t be all over the news again for this one.” I nodded.

           “Right.” She swallowed and Loki let Peter down. “You know they’re going to blame all of us for this outbreak.”

           “Yes, I know.”

           “I tried to stop Harry,” Peter touched his lips, breaking and I brought him into my embrace.

           “We all did. You’re hurt badly, Peter. Rest.” I picked him up. Loki and I eyed each other but shared no more words. “Get out of here.” We parted ways and Bucky came down the side of the building with me. Natasha ran into us while Falcon, Iron Man, and Human Torch flew overhead. Another explosion shook the ground as Natasha wordlessly led us to the jet hidden in the forested area.

           “Peter!” Mary Jane leapt up from Clint’s side before he could finish bandaging her arm. She tossed her arms around Peter and held him close while Bucky passed to conceal himself.

           “Feds will take over for us and the government will drag us into the dirt for this.” Natasha seethed. “Why were you here with Loki?”

           “We…” Peter swallowed as I sat him down. “He helped me break into Oscorp. We tracked Harry here but he got the jump on us. He took M.J. to get me here instead. He let everyone out in the chaos. He was trying to get something down there but he failed. I’m so sorry.” Peter put his head in his hands.

           “Should have told us first, kid.” Clint finished wrapping Mary Jane’s arm. “Both could have been killed. You could have been discovered by anyone else out for Spider-Man’s blood.”

           “I know, I just acted. I wasn’t thinking.” Peter explained.

           “Maybe little Osborn is more like his father than we thought.” Clint offered before he caught himself. “Sorry.”

           “Hold still,” I muttered, wiping a cut on Peter’s head after I pulled the torn mask off. Mary Jane was shaken up but hiding it so I touched her hand.

           “You caught me. Thanks.”

           “You were very brave tonight. I’m sorry this happened.” I peered at Bucky, leaning over his knees. Idly, he touched two fingers to his lips and peered away from us when Natasha sighed.

           “Did anyone see Bucky?”

           “I don’t think so. But, the government has been on us a while. They’ll come for him.” I shrugged at Natasha and she touched Bucky’s shoulder.

           “One of us should call Sharon for an update,” Clint offered and she agreed, wordless. “They caught most of the minor offenders. Some of the big guys got out and they need to be rounded up.”

           “Government will force us off this.” Natasha crossed her arms. “Never stopped us before. Sue Storm told me her team would look into this with Rhodes, he’s on his way. We can keep Thor our priority.” I tucked some hair away from Mary Jane’s face and she pressed a smile.

           “Our girl beat a few guys out here with a pipe,” Natasha cocked her head. “Glad the training came in handy.”

           “She’s definitely one of us.” Bucky tried to be lighter and I chuckled, feeling Peter’s emotions well up so I tried to get him away from the group.

           “Let’s get you cleaned up,” I tugged at Peter until he stood to go with me into another part of the jet. When he broke with more tears, I held him until he stilled.

           “I just wanted to save him.” Peter clutched at me, dropping his head on my shoulder as he stood taller than I.

           “I know…” I replied. “But, you have to let him save himself a little first.”

** ** **

           “We’re screwed,” Tony paced in front of the living room we’d joined in that morning. “Media picked it up. Rumors of mutants going haywire.”

           “There weren’t any there.” Steve rubbed his head, mumbling. “Fucking ridiculous.”

           “Profanity in front of the children.” Tony chided and Steve scoffed at that.

           “ _Gee whiz_ , Tony,  _very_  ridiculous.” He’d corrected with some sarcasm.

           “You want my seat?” Bucky grew uneasy at Tony’s pacing and barely had time to scoot over before Tony slipped down the armrest and squished Bucky into Sam. Sam sighed audibly before speaking.

           “Most of them got picked up. Mostly because we all were there. Reed’s team-”

           “A few dangerous ones didn’t.” Peter leaned over his legs.

           “They’ll be found but it won’t do us any good.” Natasha shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what we do, guys. Only that we keep going.”

           “She’s right.” Steve nodded. “Bruce?”

           “Jane and I isolated a slight perimeter where Thor might be but he keeps jumping around. It’s our only lead.” He scratched his arm and fiddled with his sleeve. “You think you have enough strength to expand and find him?”

           “I’ll have to,” I replied and Loki’s hand came to rest on my back. We had not gotten to speak yet. “Jane did well in that fight, training was good for us all-” I was interrupted by Jarvis.

           “Sir, there are visitors flying in.”

           “This doesn’t look good. Captain?” Tony replied, getting up to go. Steve followed with Sam, Natasha, Bruce, and I. Everyone else came after us, souls hid around the stairs while Clint stood in the doorway. Government issued vehicles descended and Tony looked back at us, somewhat haunted because he knew what it meant. Bruce stepped forward when men began to get out with armed guards.

           “You know that man.” I whispered and he smirked ruefully.

           “Thaddeus Ross. Secretary of State now. Look at those shiny medals.” Bruce stilled when I touched his arm, brow furrowing before I dropped my hand. Jane stepped up near Clint in the doorway, arms crossed. Glass slid back and Tony was the first to greet them.

           “Mr. Secretary.”

           “Spread out.” He commanded and we all moved forward. James Rhodes hurried in from a helicopter.

           “Tony, I’m sorry. I couldn’t stall them.” He’d uttered.

           “What’s going on?” Steve shifted in front of us, stopping the men from advancing.

           “Captain, we have reason to believe you’re harboring a war criminal. James Barnes has been reported from multiple sources. The Winter Soldier.” Ross went on, holding the warrant up. “After he’s apprehended, I have to take you all in for questioning in light of recent events.”

           “What makes you think we’d keep the Winter Soldier here? Guy disappeared. You don’t have proof.” Tony tried to keep control and a man handed files to Natasha.

           “We have photo evidence of a man meeting his description sent from an unknown source.”

           “Hydra.” Steve peered at me in silence and I nodded.

           “Colonel Stryker.” Ross beckoned and Bruce curled his hand around my wrist. Our eyes locked immediately and my face twitched. I couldn’t touch him and he was smug about that. “Present your evidence as well.”

           “My team picked up this Asgardian after an unfortunate event in town near Oscorp. Months ago. We think she broke in but we had no evidence to hold her. She appeared to be on some kind of drug; dangerous. Threatening civilians. We questioned her and let her go but she had a lot to say about her friends.” Stryker pulled out a tape recorder and I rushed forward but Tony, Natasha, and Steve all stopped me.

           “That’s a lie, monster.” I watched him click it on.

            _“Help me…_ ” My voice was muttering.  _“Come, help me. Steve. Tasha. Please, I don’t want to be here.”_

            _“Who do you see, girl? Remain calm.”_  Stryker echoed on the recording.

            _“Ngh, Thor’s going to kill you for this.”_

            _“Be rational. Seems you’ve been taking something, it’s twisting your mind. You could hurt the innocent. People died in D.C. and none of you were held accountable.”_

 _“I see those lives…every day. We fight still…for them. And the ghost. He was there. I’m going to find him. Maybe Steve will sleep again if I do.”_  I had wept.

            _“Who?”_

 _“James. The Soldier. They carved him out and, do you hear them? James Barnes. Handsome still. Please, Natasha, come get me out of here. Tony.”_  I was barely understandable, crying and Steve watched my face change before he put up his hand.

           “You’ve made your point. Turn it off now.” His arm shifted around my back.

           “Pretty convenient for that footage to all show up now.” I stepped forward and Stryker stepped back, two guards moved between us.

            _Crush his heart._ A voice rumbled and raged. Yet, so calm.  _Devour_.

           “We’ve built a file over the months.” Ross replied. “Search the place.”

           “No…” Bucky appeared between Jane and Clint. “I’m here.”

           “Take him.”

           “Back off this man!” I planted myself in front of Bucky, hand reaching back for his. I looked so small in front of him. “Nothing he’s done prior has been in his control.”

           “It’s been proven that Hydra used his body. Countless times.” Tony joined Steve and I with Natasha following.

           “Stark, of all people-”

           “Exactly. I, of all people. Bucky Barnes is not responsible for what they did to him. Hydra is making idiots of all of us and you're letting it happen to save face. He’s the only asset we have in rooting them out. We need him and so do you. You take him and our chances of bringing this down split in half.” Tony cut over him, arms crossed. Bucky seemed surprised to hear this from him. Steve gripped Tony's shoulder, truly grateful.

           “You’re not touching Bucky.” Steve sneered at them.

           “He was Hydra’s prisoner. You can’t drag him off.” Sam added in defense.

           “James Barnes is coming with us,” Stryker cocked his head. “He’ll be processed and interrogated. It’s time you all were held accountable. Flying around. Destroying buildings with civilians inside.”

           “James Barnes is under the protection of Asgard. I saved him and he owes me…a debt. His life. Ancient Asgardian customs are in place here.” I spoke over everyone when they tried to talk at once. “You imprison him, Asgard withdraws from this world but not in the way you wish. It will signal a mistrust. Disloyalty. A challenge. War. Would you really set Earth in such a vulnerable position?”

           “Are you threatening the United States?” Ross stood taller.

           “No, you are.” I peered at Steve and made up some nonsense. “I am fiancé to Thor still, soon to be Queen of Asgard and currently right hand and first general to our King. I have more than enough jurisdiction… James Barnes is under our protection, so proclaim I. He owes me a life debt and Asgardians always collect.” Tony smirked at me noticeably.

           “And where is Thor to confirm all of this?” Stryker lifted his lips. “Don’t drag this out.”

           “Barnes is not a prisoner. Yet. He needs the conformation of the government. This team has operated without rules and that’s been our mistake. You all will come with us and play a role in the future of enhanced beings.” Ross eased.

           “Enhanced beings or mutants?” I stared at Stryker.

           “Same thing.” Ross beckoned for his men.

           “I’m not worth this fight.” Bucky whispered, pushing around us.

           “Smart.” We all watched him get cuffed with a numb look on his face before the rest of us were ushered forward except Loki, Peter, and Mary Jane. The hidden trio peered at me from around the corner and I shook my head, subtly pulling my phone from my pocket. Loki nodded in response and disappeared with M.J. and Peter. Sam shifted next to me as we all got into the jet and I took a seat between Steve and Tony, discreetly sending a text.

            _Warn X-Men_.

** ** **

           “While we owe the Avengers a huge debt, it’s time you all set the vigilantism aside and conform to the laws of this country and our allies.” Ross lectured us in a square government owned building miles from the Tower. “Since Iron Man appeared on the scene, enhanced humans and mutants have been on the rise. The price has been great.”

           “Since Iron Man,” Steve cut over Ross, “Super humans and mutants have been able to save this Earth from world ending events. They’ve been able to build communities against evil.”

           “And super humans with the predisposition for evil have risen as well. The world needs reassurance and accountability. We need order again.” Behind Ross, a screen with shattering events played over and over.

           “I think you mean fear.” I added. “Those who seek to control us all have agendas. Where is that accountability? What has the government done after bombings and shootings? Nothing. Children are marching for change and it terrifies you.”

           “You can’t force mutants to register.” Sam piped up next to me. “Many are in unsafe situations at home. Many don’t have a place to go. You’d take away the only rights they have.”

           “In my studies, many are dangerous and able enough to protect themselves.” Stryker replied. “What more could they want?”

           “What study specifically, Colonel?” Rhodey went on and Stryker frowned.

           “It’s only a matter of time,” Ross slapped a document down onto the table. “Super humans and mutants will register. They will be monitored for threat. Trained properly. You want events and studies? Let’s look at the casualties in New York and D.C.”

           “Trained for your personal army, I'm sure. ...And if we didn’t fight, Earth would be under the control of other worlds worse than any evil we’ve seen in this one. We’d be obliterated.” Steve sat up.

           “This woman is not here legally. What right does she have to live among us? To have a say? How many men did you kill fighting by Steve Rogers?” Ross leaned next to me.

           “Not men.  _Fascists_. And more than you ever have,  _Secretary_.” I leaned toward him in response and watched him recoil from me.  _That’s what I thought. Bitch._

           “Bright, young girls like Gwendolyn Stacy die because men like Spider-Man are not trained properly.” Ross slapped a picture of a pretty girl I recognized down and Natasha spoke up this time.

           “How many men and women have died under you because you weren’t prepared? No one in this room is strong enough to save everyone. The point is, we fight for those who can’t. You want to be the authority on alien invasions? Try it.” She nodded when Jane picked up next.

           “And frankly, I find it insulting that you’d lecture us on accountability after the treatment of Dr. Banner.” She crossed her arms, probably itching for Mjolnir.

           “Thank you, Jane. My thought exactly.”

           “You’re welcome, Natasha.” Jane laced her fingers on the table.

           “What happened to Banner was a matter of public record and dealt with...cleanly.” Ross watched Bruce’s eyes snap up.

           “Cleanly? Did you send men in to rebuild Harlem? No, it was mortal, super human, and mutant volunteers working together to rebuild these communities. The government turned their backs and washed their hands.” Bruce swallowed. “You got a medal and buried that experimented on soldier, Emil Blonsky, in some prison to be studied further after he destroyed it. How long have you kept him a forced coma? How much longer until his brains are mush?”

           “You register or retire.” Ross swept his hand out.

           “You can’t force super humans to stand behind you. You can’t force them into the fight and you can’t force them to stop fighting for what’s right.” Steve stood up. “Return Bucky to her custody. We’re done here.”

           “We’re far from done,” Ross leaned over the table. “I can see you all need time to think about this. You have the week to sort this out. You will go on public record for all super humans with an answer or you will face charges for obstruction of justice. James Barnes has not been processed yet. He stays until we’re finished with him. Look at the lives you failed and think it over,  _Captain_. This isn’t the 1940s anymore.”

           “You could have fooled me,” Steve shot back, calmer. The document was dropped into Steve’s lap before Ross and his men left us.

           “If we agree to sign, we might have some control over this first still.” Tony reasoned with guilt quelling him as he stood up to look through the glass walls around us, peering out. Steve got up as well, the document dropped to the floor. “I built weapons that murdered innocent people and I can’t pretend that I didn’t.”

           “You shut that down of your own choice, Tony, because you’re a good person. You chose to be that person and you want to change things for the better. These accords are not for the better of anyone but the government.” Steve touched his shoulder. “Iron Man and Captain America…they’re both great things. And we’re not the only team in play here. We can’t decide to sign and just pretend anyone else will. We’d be writing them a death sentence.”

           “Sharon is here. Downstairs. Her and Hill are dealing with this too. They’ll be stuck here for days at this rate.” Natasha checked her phone. “They’ll stall for us. Let’s wait this out and get Bucky back.”

           “Super humans are just weapons to them, nothing more. I’ve seen this before in Asgard. If we sign, we all lose. Mutants will have no basic rights. Super enhanced children will all be compromised. We divide, we lose. There is no other end.” I rubbed my head and felt something prickle the back of my spine. “Where did they say they took Bucky?” I about jerked up, looking around while I tried to expand out. The building was silent before static rippled up my limbs and I touched my heart.

           “What is it?” Clint turned me around and I breathed heavier.

           “Bucky, he’s hurting.” In response, Steve cornered me and I grabbed for him and Natasha at his side. “I can’t see right. He’s…oh gods. A trap.”

           “Where is he?” Sam spoke first.

           “Hydra followed us here. Crossbones,  _ngh_ ,” I had to pull back and Steve yanked his shield up. “Six floors up.” The power cut over and men began to rush around outside. Steve led us all out. Something more was off.

           “Get the power back on!” Someone had called and the lights began to flash.

           “Bucky!” Steve drove his shield into a bulletproof glass door framed in steel. Bucky was bolted down in his chair with two agents dead and Rumlow sending an electric rod into his chest. Bucky howled in pain, flocked by three Hydra agents ready for us. I clawed at steel to get to him.

           “Back up, Cap, I got it!” Tony pushed to override the door and the building shook.

           “Thor… He did find us. We shouldn’t have come here,” I darted my eyes around while Steve kicked the door in once it was half open. His shield covered us from bullets while Sam, Natasha, and Clint spread out and shot down the men. Rumlow covered himself behind Bucky, shocking him brutally until Bucky was breaking his metal bonds. Convulsing and growing wild with screams. I saw his soul quell and shrink until...

           “Kill them,” Rumlow commanded and Bucky instead leapt toward Steve, tackling him down. Iron Man gauntlets formed up from Tony’s wrists and around his hands while he aimed for Rumlow to blast him backwards. I grappled Bucky before he could go for Tony next, eyes on him as he aimed for Bucky’s chest and faltered, our gazes locked and he puffed for air with watery eyes; the gauntlet lowered.

           “Grenade!” Sam warned and we all were blasted back. Steve, Bucky, and I fell through the floor and Bucky snarled. He advanced and Steve was forced to bash him backwards with his shield.

           “Steve,” I grabbed for his arm. “Rumlow used him, Thanos broke the rune open. Bring him back. You can do this.” The windows smashed in and Thor crawled along the side, looking utterly disgusting and pale. Steve and I put our backs together, facing our loved ones head on. “Jane!” I called for her aid but Thor was quick. The planning was all for nothing, he'd come to us.

           “Found you.” He vibrated and jerked me up as Steve tried to stop him.

           “Save Bucky!” I called before Thor took me away, into the streets. Cars veered to avoid us and every mortal could see who I was fighting. This was over before it started.

           “Thor…” I stepped back. “You know who you are. You know what’s inside your heart.”

           “Bleed.” He ordered, picking me up to crash me into the road. I grasped for wires attached to Thor’s head and yanked. He cried out and I kicked him off me, flying up so he would follow me away from screaming mortals running far from this. Thor jumped high along the building, grabbing to struggle with me as we whirled around. Rain began to pour. Lightning struck. Thor’s hands got around my neck, tossing me along the roof and I strained to laugh when he picked me up again. “What?”

           “ _You’re so screwed_ ,” my bloodied lips parted to show clenched teeth while I spoke. Thunder pounded above, Thor and I were ripped from each other as Jane Foster stood her ground with Mjolnir singing at her side.

           “Thor, stop this!” She’d tried, pulling a book from her pocket. “Now! This isn't who you are! Remember... You remember that night under the stars.” She flipped open to a page and he stilled, leering closer to see. "You mapped out the realms. For a moment something as extraordinary as magic and science came together to create something new and genuine. Those realms out there need you. Not just because you are this mighty warrior. But, because you are compassionate and Thanos can't take that away." She pocketed the book while he stumbled and heaved to grunt before his will shook.

           “Nothing will stop it!”

           “Don’t make me do this.” Jane warned.

           “It’s only begun.” Thor was on all fours, eyes glinting with ice. Jane was more ready and accepting than I’d ever seen her. She reached out for my hand and hauled me up, we both looked to Thor.

           “So be it.” She swung and hit him hard, sending him five buildings over so we rushed toward him again.

           “We have to slow him down.” Jane and I both followed to engage, sending him back and forth between hits and kicks.

           “I’m open to ideas!” Jane called. Thor had no more power here. Not between us. Jane raged with ferocity unlike anything I’d seen back home. We battled together like we had for years. Like a bond was struck the moment we took those stones and fought them so long ago.

           “The hammer.  _Unworthy_.” I was pushed back into a ledge and Jane got the idea. Blood spilled from Thor’s lips before I spun and kicked him in the face, whirling him around. “Jane, now!” I puffed. Jane dropped Mjolnir on his chest and he ignited with profanities and screams. I watched him bleed and buck around, falling to my knees.

           “ _Hell_.” Jane leaned over, wiping her hand along her head. “Can you stop him?”

           “Can Thanos hear me right now?” I pressed my palm into Thor’s forehead and he spat blood on my cheek. “Good.” I straddled Thor, hands on his temples while he smacked at me so Jane helped hold him down. “He should know that I will come for him next. I’m going to kill him. I’m going to watch the stars fall from his eyes. This battle has been long. The end will come. I'll force it. The Norns will laugh behind my soul. Death will bury him like trash.  _For I am going to be his reckoning_.” I pulled cords from Thor and felt him unhinge and convulse under me. “I’ve got you, Thor. Come to my voice.” My eyes glowed bright gold among the black that had spread there and all along my veins, they pushed up against my flesh in pulses while I dug deep through Thor’s memories. Orange light grew into his eyes from mine. I was his poison. A snake ready to strike him down. I found my first spar with him. The first time he really made me laugh. A forgotten kiss. I saw him smile at Loki and watched Loki smile back with nothing but love in his bright green eyes. I watched Thor lose himself in that love and pulled it to the surface until he drowned. Thor choked up blood and began to cough, falling back limp against the floor. Jane dropped her head lower, face pinched in sadness before she touched his hand and let him grasp at her to squeeze.

           “Loki?” He asked first until he saw my face and spoke my name, sweeter and softer than he had before. “Where is my brother…?” Thor closed his eyes and opened them after a beat. “Jane… You’re here with me.”

           “I am, Thor.” She offered. "I'm here."

           “Loki’s waiting for you to come home. We are here with you, Thor. Rest your eyes.” I caressed him, falling to my side when Jane leaned over us both.

           “You did it.”

           “We did it, fool.” I joked in response, gripping Thor’s arm before I tried to get up, shaken. I pulled the rest of the devices from Thor’s body and Jane picked up Mjolnir. His eyes drew wide in tune with her own.

           “Shouldn’t it be his again?” She furrowed her brow.

           “No… Perhaps...it was never meant to be mine.” Thor croaked, eyes filled with tears when he turned over and let hair fall into his face. _Baldr,_ we thought in tune. I watched him touch the part that had been sheared off, fingering it idly. “Mjolnir will never truly belong to me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurting Thor was...not great. Next chapter is huge turning point. Thanks so much readers! Feel free to comment or kudo, I love hearing from you guys! Final part of this prompt is coming with major shockwaves.


	37. Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers decide what to do about the Registration Acts when friends come together for something greater. Thanos strikes down upon hopeful souls at last. Everything will change after this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol @ Ross trying talk about accountability. Big chapter! Warning this time for major graphic violence/death.

          “Your men let Hydra get in and manipulate an innocent man! We’re not signing anything here!” Steve was shouting in the next room. I sent one more text to Loki.  _Safe_. “We saved him. We saved Thor. Not you or your  _trained_  men. You need us, Secretary. As long as the world needs supers, expect to see me on that side of the line.”    

           “You really believe these accords won’t help you? We’re on your side, Rogers!” Ross called back. “Thor, a god from another world, _publicly_ attacked us. This is out of your hands. It has been for a long time. One week. You will come to us with an answer. Until then, think long and hard about your lives and the lives of your friends. All known super humans will get this same warning. Lock yourselves down in that Tower and come to your senses.” Steve was charging out and Tony joined him from another room.

           “Steve, we need to at least discuss our options.”

           “There’s only one option, Tony. Yes, you're right...we have to discuss it...and we all have to agree or this will fall apart. We all need to be a unit on one side. All this fighting. It has to stop.” He’d turned and I cared for Thor, wrapping him up in a blanket Clint passed me as I healed his minor cuts. Jane sat beside him while I kneeled. Bucky was dazed on Thor's other side, metal hand wrapped into my free wrist with Natasha planted next to him.

           “I don’t do that anymore,” he whispered, numbed, and Natasha nodded.

           “We know you don’t.”

           “We need to get them home.” Sam came between the two friends. Tony softened and Steve agreed. Bruce was furious and hiding it better than anyone else. Sharon hurried down a set of steps and came to Steve.

           “Get them out of here, Maria and I will give you all time but it won’t be much.” She promised and Steve grasped her arms to kiss her once.

           “Thank you, Sharon. For everything. We'll figure this out.”

           “Good to have you back, buddy.” Tony touched Thor’s shoulder and backed away when he flinched.

           “I could not stop what’s coming,” Thor’s lips trembled.

           “None of us could, Thor.” Natasha offered and I stood. Bucky blankly came with me before she and Clint ushered him away. His hand tugged at my wrist once and let go, fingers brushing. Jane and I helped Thor into a seat so Rhodey could fly us home.

           “They gave that man a medal of honor. I remember when that meant something.” Rhodey had shaken his head.

           “I do too.” Steve scoffed, head falling into his hands. “I thought I did.”

** ** **

           We landed back at Avengers Tower and Pepper ran out to see us. Tony melted into her arms, ready to be comforted while we wordlessly separated until tomorrow. Loki bounded out, flocked by Peter and M.J., before he about tackled Thor against a wall.

           “Thor. My brother. Stupid idiot, I thought I’d lost you. Your hair. I’ll fix it for you. You need a bath. By the nine, I really thought I lost you. You’re alive. My brother...gods.” Loki squeezed him and Thor inhaled but did not hug back. “Thor?” Loki shook his shoulders but Thor pushed passed him. I caught Loki’s wrist and swallowed.

           “Give him an hour or so to clean up.” I offered and Loki stilled.

           “Why didn’t you give him back Mjolnir?” Loki voiced and Jane looked down at the hammer in her hands.

           “I tried.”

           “No. No, you did not.” Loki seethed.

           "Jane, Loki and I need to..." I began and she got the idea, following Thor out to talk to him because they needed it first. “Loki, come on. Thor needs time. We'll come to him when he's ready.” I pushed him off with me to the stairs, away from everyone. Steve pulled Peter and M.J. aside and Bruce went off to go find comfort in the lab. Natasha and Clint were both gone the moment we landed. Rhodey and Sam joined Steve with Bucky seating himself at a safe distance. Loki followed me to my room and I shut the door. “Naaki,” I kneeled to greet her. “I’ve missed you.”

           “I retrieved her while you had gone. I warned the X-Men and they appreciated it. What happened?”

           “We made a mess."

** ** **

           "Thor," Jane set Mjolnir down but he stripped to get into a cold shower. Without closing the curtain, water washed away the filth. But, not enough of it.

           "I did not know."

           "Thor, it was not your fault," she offered, hands touching her lips while he scrubbed his skin pink. "Mjolnir-"

           "No, I meant...I didn't know you were sick." Thor said instead, clenched with tears and Jane's own heart stilled. "I should have come to you." He covered his face and slipped down, nude, so she turned off the water and covered him in a giant towel. Rubbing his arms, Jane got behind him and tried harder to comfort him.

           "I made it through. Just like you'll make it through this." She let him pull her arms around his shoulders to hold tight. "I missed you so much."

           "I hurt my friends." Thor uttered, unable to stand it. "I said horrible things. I wasn't strong enough. I cannot face them. I don't deserve the hammer." Jane held him while he cried to himself, uttering soft words of ease until she got him to dress and get into bed.

           "They love you out there and we're all here for you. None of it was your fault." Jane was holding his hand in both of hers. "Mjolnir doesn't define who you are."

           "Mjolnir brought us together. Asgard and Midgard. Magic and science. It was meant to. Mjolnir looked for you. Twice. It was not a mistake, it landing near you both times. Dr. Jane Foster. The most extraordinary woman in these realms. I looked and waited for you all my life. We were supposed to come together. Great friends. Mighty allies. And now, passing warriors." Jane lifted her lips at that, squeezing his hand before she kissed him. Thor cupped her face and let himself respond to affection.

            "I looked for you too."

** ** **

            "Hydra set it up to make it look like we were unstable. Used Bucky. Thor attacked. Stryker and Ross and all those men…” I closed my eyes and Naaki hopped back onto her cat tree. Loki watched with intent eyes. “People died because of all of us. Cities needed to be rebuilt. But, we tried to heal. Tried to go on. We kept fighting. That means something. What would have happened if we didn’t?” I covered my face and Loki kneeled at my side when I sat back against the bed on our floor.

           “Thanos would have ruined this realm after obliterating my foolish self.” Loki responded. “This world would be lost like so many before it.” He reached into his shirt and pulled my necklace over his head. “You should wear this once more.”

           “I’d like to.” I let him put it on me, followed by my ring.

           “Thank you for bringing my brother home to me. He needs a few hours from us to adjust himself. Dr. Foster was always supposed to be in his orbit. We have to allow it.” Loki closed his eyes when they watered. “What happened between us…I would like to work through it. We both were cruel and we can’t pretend it never happened. But, I won’t lose you over a fight. The secrets kept from me were not your fault.”

           “I’m sorry I kept the truth from you regardless. I came so close to telling you many times but…I didn’t. It was cowardly of me.”

           “From now on, we counter Thanos together. You will sleep. Take me with you. I have so much faith in you.” Loki touched my chin and I nodded silently before he beckoned me forward for a kiss. “I love you still. It gets stronger every day.” Lights dimmed as it grew dark and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Loki brought me into the shower and warm water cleaned my skin while he washed my hair. I held him close and beckoned for him to come out as we both dried and put on some comfortable pajamas. It felt like the sky would fall. The impending doom that all of this would break apart brought my team closer. Our souls linked together somehow from different rooms in various states for comfort. My heart was full and I kissed Loki with everything I had, he felt it too.

           “Someone is coming,” we fell against the couch and Loki was pawing at my nightgown, bringing it off my shoulders.

           “I was hoping it’d me be. But, not yet,” he tried to jest into my neck and I smacked his shoulder, breathless.

           “It’s Bucky.” I muttered and he purred against my skin.

           “This world might end scenario is somehow furthering my arousal. I could be wrong.” Loki kissed me again and Bucky knocked on the door. I pulled a blanket around my shoulders while Loki got up before I could to answer the door with his shirt opened. Bucky eyed him and then my face, looking showered. “Can we help you?” My cheeks were lush pink even under the flicking candles Loki lit on the table.

           "How's Thor?" Bucky began.

           "Alive. He and Jane have to work some things out first. He's not ready to respond to us just yet." I rubbed my arms. "Are you alright, Bucky? Do you want to talk about something first?" 

           “It’s not important,” Bucky turned and Loki gripped his metal arm, thumb shifting over its contours.

           “Now, now, don’t be shy. Come in. Do you often partake in wine, Barnes? I have some.”

           “Can’t get drunk.” Bucky shrugged.

           “I’ll take that as a yes.” Loki flicked the door closed and magic prepared three glasses. I chuckled, looking away and Loki quirked his brow at me with Bucky pausing. “Do you have something to share?”

           “Debating it.” I mused. “I’m just thinking about how history always repeats itself. Usually for the worse. But, sometimes for the better. Come sit with me, Bucky. Loki and I enjoy your company and you look in need of some as well.” I patted the cushion and he sighed, falling next to me to relax. “Did you talk with Steve?”

           “He said you’d tell me the same thing he did. The stuff I've heard already. It wasn’t my fault. The things I did. But, I did them and...I let myself think I was safe.” Bucky shook his head and I felt a twinge of guilt.

           “Like Iron Man, Black Widow, and Captain America…Bucky Barnes is a great part of this world. Trauma is complicated. Even I cannot stop it. I wish I could do more. But, you didn't need magic to bring you back this time because you know what's in your heart.” My fingers drummed along his metal arm. I pressed one hand over his heart so he looked up at my eyes and the blanket slipped from one shoulder. Clearing his throat, Loki moved behind us to retrieve the wine from his bag. My hand slipped away in response. “You used to fear even this arm because you saw it as a violent tool. But, no longer because you are finally able to explore your freedom. Tell me how you adjusted with it after leaving Hydra.”

           “It’s stupid.”

           “I don’t think so.”

           “I’d just…I don’t know, I’d practice with it. Read books without breaking the spines. Holding fruits to test how soft they were without turning them to pulp. Setting a table. Anything.” He shrugged and Loki rounded the couch to hand me a glass before offering Bucky one.

           “I don’t think that silly. That’s called healing. I think it’s beautiful.” I felt Loki shifting behind me again and drank.

           “I’m sorry you’re tangled up in this Hydra mess.” Bucky lowered his eyes and sipped, brow furrowing.

           “We should be saying that to you.” Loki mused.

           “I never blamed you. Hard as it may seem, I am in this by choice now. Dismantling them once and for all…it’ll mend fractures in this world and its people. Inside me as well I think. Even if it leaves a scar.” I set my glass down and Bucky took another drink before following. “When I was young, I used to mutilate myself. This followed me into adulthood. Emotional pain is…unlike anything else. But, when I would watch the cuts and burns heal. It felt like I was really there. It was an awful habit and it never left me. Trauma never leaves, even if I wish it some days. Just like you do. Loki as well. What happened today doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you’re still fighting. You’re still finding your place in this. But, you've gotten over the hard part. That you have one at all. Once you learn that, the rest will come.”

           “The things Hydra put inside me are still there. I thought I...” Bucky shook his head and I touched his chin to bring his gaze toward me.

           “That will be your fight and I wouldn’t bet against you. No person in this building would.” I offered, lips shifting and he beamed a little.

           “No wonder you get along with Steve.”

           “How dreadful,” Loki muttered, setting his empty glass aside. “I consider you a more worthy companion to my wife but Rogers did punch me multiple times back when I was trying to ruin this world. Perhaps, I’m biased.” I watched the stars and inhaled, settling myself.

           “I have great taste in friends, Loki. Even back home, I’ve met and courted the best Asgardians. Loki is jealous.” I noted, winking at him when his hand slipped over my shoulder to massage it. Idly, I brought my knees up onto the couch and they pressed into Bucky’s thighs next to me. “This knack for great companions followed me to Earth.”

           “They get you into trouble.”

           “She gets us into trouble.” Bucky joked finally and Loki was amused but inhaled when Bucky’s knuckles touched my thigh by accident.

           “You’re both right. And yet, Loki drips with hypocrisy. Bucky, try growing up with a prince who holds a talent for shapeshifting. Human and animal. Thor was trouble but Loki wrote the book on mischief.”

           “Hard to imagine even from what you told me about growing up in Asgard. War and such.” Bucky leaned over to drink again. He seemed content here. I hoped he could have one night of comfort. I found myself remembering past partners in Asgard. Dahlia and her glowing smile. Fandral’s lips on my throat. Nyx’s legs closed so tightly around mine. Alistair’s breaths on my collar. Loki’s fingers tapped near my hips and I wished he’d put them between my legs. I wished Bucky would watch it unfold.

            _Oh my._

           “You told him things.” Loki uttered in my ear.

           “As if you didn’t.” I peered back at him and saw that glint in his eyes. I knew it well. “Asgardians are skilled at war and merriment. Often the merriment brings more…what’s a good way to put it?”

           “The festivities tend to be wilder than the actual war.” Loki offered.

           “Yes.” I swallowed and let Loki smooth his hand over my back. “Earth cannot compare. Have you ready about Vikings, Bucky? They worship us and I’ve seen many similarities. Not in the stories but the ways of life.”

           “Yeah, they were smart. Scary. Used lots of tools other places didn’t. Cared about things like hygiene. Again, other places didn’t…”

           “And they were the savage ones,” I pressed my lips up in jest, my arm came up to rest on the back of the couch before shifting forward along his shoulder. Loki sighed behind me before blurting out the words.

           “Barnes, would you like to have sex with my wife and I?” His question caused Bucky to get to his feet and I went rigid.

           “Look, I’m not here to cause trouble.”

           “It’s no trouble at all.” Loki rubbed his eyes. “You seem like you would really like to. Asgardians partake in a different kind of festivity after battles and hardships. We’re an…open people. We take worthy warriors into our marriage beds. It is really a token of honor. You seem tense. More wine?” Loki shifted into Ava. “Does this form unsettle you less?”

           “Not really.” Bucky cocked his head and looked at me. “You haven’t said anything.” I shifted and finished off my wine in one gulp before I beckoned him back down.

           “Please, don’t allow Loki to frighten you off.”

           “Do you want to fuck him?” Loki gestured and I dropped my head to my arms on the back of the couch, huffing.

           “Loki, a lot happened.” I paused, eyes lifting to Bucky’s. “These connections I make overlap many sensations. It leaves me…open and I… I am complicated.”

           “Huh…I’d like to watch you fuck him. I think he'd return the favor.” Loki quirked her brow, arms crossed.

           “Where did this disposition for the truth come from?” I tapped my fingers on my leg.

           “You looking like you might kiss that face in front of you. A thousand years ago, it might have bothered me. But, I’m evolved. Open. Splayed. We’re Asgardians. Watching you explore the fluidity of your sexuality has been grand. I want to relax before the storm tonight. She is grand.”

           “I don’t doubt that,” Bucky swallowed and I snickered.

           “I’ve tired of tension. You both seem beat. Relax. Enjoy what little freedoms you have. While you can.” Loki cocked her head, lips pouting. “Consider this an apology for my actions.”

           “I am considering it.” My chest lifted at my admittance.

           “You helped save my wife and brought her a noble companion when I couldn’t, let us reward you. There are many ways to think of it. You’re not the first man we’ve deemed worthy to bed so don’t feel too excited.” Loki explained and I rubbed my head, curious.

           “I’ve never been with a mortal before.”

           “Well, I…” Bucky licked his lips and grew light. “Enhanced soldier. Not just a small mortal.”

           “I don’t have to touch you unless you want me to.” Loki curled her finger into a lock of my hair. “I’d like to.”

           “I got that.” Bucky replied. “I got that early on.”

           “Perhaps, the strength and stamina of a super soldier could keep up with an Asgardian. I wouldn’t crush him.” I mused and Bucky snapped his eyes to mine.

           “Perhaps? Ouch.” He scoffed a little and went on. “I’ve never been with an Asgardian.”

           “To correct myself at Bucky’s request, I’ve never been with a super soldier.” I winked and he smirked at that, allowing my hand on his shoulder once more.

           “Neither have I, in that case.” His words were sly now.

           “Your charm is something held from the Bucky of many years ago. Something cherished by your soul. I’m pleased you still hold to it.” I cocked my head and Bucky looked at Loki.

           “She does that a lot. Just reads people.”

           “You never get tired of it,” Loki kissed my cheek, long black hair fell over her shoulders. “Sweetheart, you’re dragging his out.”

           “I just like buildup. The world is made up of foreplay and pre-foreplay to me.” Curiously, I stared into Bucky’s eyes still.

           “I want to watch him touch you. Unless you wish to go, feel free. Perhaps, do not mention this chance encounter to your Captain America.” Loki smiled fully and Bucky scoffed, rubbing his eyes when I touched his chest and let my hand smooth across it and up his other shoulder. I felt his pulse race in a sudden motion.

           “I’d like to touch you.” My thumb slipped along his collar.

           “My wife would like to touch you.” Loki repeated.

           “I’m thinking about it.” Bucky muttered. “Can I kiss you?” My instant nod was met with him shifting in fast to kiss me while his hand hovered over my cheek. A spark surged between us and Loki chuckled behind me.

           “Indeed. Tonight is a mere gift, think of it that way. We deemed you worthy and wish you reward you.” Loki’s voice trailed off when I reclined and cupped the back of Bucky’s head to kiss him again. “You’re both enjoying this. I am as well.” She got up and poured herself another glass of wine. “Let all that pent up pain and rage go. Kiss her neck, she likes that.” Bucky’s emotions were wild against mine. I was in his lap, moaning and utterly lost and yet, found. Loki drank wine and gave instructions, calm behind us as my eyes opened to linger on hers. I felt intoxicated between both of their souls. “Let my wife undress you,” Loki spoke next. Bucky seized and shifted between kisses so I could yank off his shirt. I kissed the scars lined around his metal arm and moaned when his hands slipped down my bottom.

           “Is this happening?” He heaved for air and I whined, kissing his lips again to slip my tongue along his and nip. Loki put us under a spell and watched us plead.

           “I want it to happen.” I confessed, body in flames. “One night of being held before the storm. Do you…ah…Do you feel it to?”

           “I do.” Loki put up one hand and came over to slip into the seat beside us. I was floating and pooling all around the air. “Wouldn’t you like to pleasure him?” Loki asked me next, caressing my face to run her thumb along my lip before she kissed me too. Already, I was slipping to the floor, nails raking down Bucky’s chest and he moaned when I tugged at his pants. His cock was thick and framed in dark hair which I expected but the head was different from what I’d seen in Asgard. Readily, I swallowed him down. “Do you like this, Barnes?” Loki was petting my head, fingers twisting into my hair. Bucky’s hands were on my arms, gripping as he got lost in this as well. “Do you mind?” She asked and Bucky readily leaned in to kiss her next until her tongue worked down his chest. “He tastes good, sweetheart. You can have us both but first, there’s something you can do for my pretty wife that will have her pleading for you for the rest of this night even when it’s over.” Loki was whispering in Bucky’s ear, coaxing us into this intoxicated state of lust while she watched. For once, Loki was holding my strings. But, I tended to Bucky with so much ease. My lips worked him and kissed him as I stroked and moaned when I grew wet with heat. I shoved everything aside and Loki was tugging at me to get up until I was in Bucky’s lap again.

           “Bed,” I whined and Bucky surged up with me in his arms. Falling against the covers, I splayed out and he shifted my nightgown up, kissing along scars marring my skin. Loki reclined next to me and pressed her lips to mine, one hand smoothed over my breasts to twist dark nipples against thin fabric.

           “Open her thighs, yes,” Loki helped Bucky press my inner thighs up and open wide. “Just like that.” Her lips fell between them and I moaned, Loki worked her tongue roughly over my underwear before one finger hooked it aside, ripping it off with ease. Bucky slipped to his knees almost obediently at the sight and Loki leaned over my leg to kiss him before guiding his mouth down. I cried out, arms over my head while they held me tight. “I told you.” Loki was drawing her hand across Bucky’s locks of brown hair. Tugging at her, she smirked and straddled my head so I could pleasure her with my lips and fingers while she watched Bucky go down on me. “ _Mm_ ,” Loki coaxed Bucky up for a heated kiss before she gained control again. “I want to watch you fuck my wife.” She got off me and Bucky was over me in an instant, I leaned up to hold him and bite at his chest.

           “Bucky, please,” I moaned, wrapping my legs around his hips. He caressed my body and pushed inside me with a sigh of my name.

           “Oh god, you’re married,” he was already trusting and Loki laughed at us, lying back to masturbate. My body was almost up off the bed, clinging to Bucky while he fucked me. His emotions unhinged and his body followed those calls.

           “Yes, I’m married, keep going,” I dug my nails into his back and turned us over while Loki shifted into himself. Bucky gripped my hips and Loki kissed him again, drawing up from the bed while I leaned over to bury my face into Bucky's neck. He squeezed me closer and we rocked. Loki oiled himself and positioned my hips to enter me from behind. My arch drew with a cry that shook the art on the walls. Hands pawed all over me. I was undone and this wouldn’t last much longer. Bucky's body moved and rubbed against mine, cock pulsing inside and I arched into him. I didn’t need to touch myself, I closed my eyes and felt them both ravish me. Loki thrust forward and we moved with him. I came up to press against Loki's chest, arms lifting to kiss him while Bucky's gripped my hips. He watched Loki's hands slide up my throat. One finger slipped along my tongue and bottom lip. I bent over again, kissing Bucky when Loki finished himself and rolled back next to us as Ava to come again in that form. She moaned and touched herself, watching us move until Bucky turned us over once more. "Almost." I warned, curling my legs along his hips.

           "Me too. Stay with me." Bucky urged, hand cupping Loki's face for a lingering kiss before he leaned over me again. We all moaned in sync, falling apart and coming together at once. While I clung to Bucky with kisses and bites at his skin, I realized we weren’t having sex. Loki was fucking us both. Bucky uttered a warning but I was already tensing to orgasm, triggering his own. Loki curled into me and I kissed her as she finished off herself, chuckling at this. Bucky rolled off and we all got tangled into the sheet. 

           "Oh, that happened," I covered my mouth.

           “Thank the gods, it needed to just once before my eyes.” Loki mused.

           “You fuck like an Asgardian,” I turned my head, puffing to see Bucky spent next to me. His lips curled up tiredly.

           “Thanks, so do you.” He roused a light laugh from my lips as I turned over and got up.

           “That can’t happen again. Steve will kill us.” I pressed my hand to my mouth. “Gods, how did you bring that out of us?”

           “It was not all me.” Loki pressed her lips and sat up.

           “Steve will kill her specifically.” Bucky groaned and also pushed himself up, pressing a hand over his shaft, a little pained. “I came inside you. Sorry.”

           “I’m protected. You can’t impregnate me.” I assured him, sitting back down between them and putting my head in my hands. “Gods, this is real.”

           “Sorry,” Bucky offered again and I turned.

           “No! No, it was…amazing and my sex drive hasn’t been very peak lately. I enjoyed it and I’m more than glad it happened because we all might die so why not blow off steam. I’m just…it was jarring. In a good way. Please, what I’m saying it…I had a good time.” I touched Bucky’s chest and he chuckled.

           “Yeah, I did too.” He kissed me as if to say goodbye, thumb smoothing under my chin. “I should put my clothes on or this will happen again.”

           “I wouldn’t complain,” Loki settled behind me and admired Bucky’s bottom when he stood up. “Perhaps, you do have good taste in friends.” I got up as Bucky put his pants on and picked up his shirt, offering it with a slight smile and he returned it.

           “I’ll keep this for and to myself,” he quirked his brow, peering at Loki. "Thanks."

           "You can join us again, anytime."

           “Probably best.” I kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Bucky, for sharing this evening. Sleep well.” His metal hand touched my face, thumb tracing down the scar on my cheek like many had before. “Remember what I said about healing.”

           “I will.” He kissed me, chastely this time and I walked him to the door to see him off. “Goodnight.” Bucky smiled when he said my name and I locked the door behind him.

           “You know, I am full of such good ideas,” Loki shifted back and got up to clean himself off. “Something for you. Something for me. Clean yourself and change, I want to see Thor now. He's had time. I cannot stand this.”

           “Why did you do that?” I wondered aloud.

           “You enjoyed his company. Thanos could obliterate the world at any moment. Why not fuck even if it means one night of ease? Did you like it?”

           “It was amazing and I think our sex life one ups itself every time we go at it.” I admitted and Loki laughed as I changed and put on new underwear.

           “As it should. I always know how to surprise you.” Loki paused and changed his tone. “How is Thor? Do not lie.”

           “Thor will suffer long and silent after this.” I obliged.

           “He deserves more than this world can ever give him.”

           “Yes," I replied. "We all do.”

** ** **

           Thor turned over and huddled up when I opened this door. It was unlike him to curl up, he almost looked small. Jane was seated near him, petting his head. I laced my hand into Loki’s and came forward when she stood. 

           "You guys should take some time together." She gestured, kissing Thor's temple.

           "Sure?" I wondered but she nodded, touching my shoulder as she went off, Mjolnir in hand so Thor didn't have to see it.

           "Thor." Loki began but his brother curled into a tighter ball. 

           “You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. Do what your emotions beckon for. Allow them.” I leaned over Thor’s bed and smoothed his hair back. “We’re here for you.” He felt violated. Used. The torment welled and Thor looked around with blood shot eyes before covering his lips to cry and I got into bed to hold him. He cried into my shoulder and Loki sighed, sitting down on the bed before I nodded and he got under the covers with us to curl into Thor’s opposite side. Loki reached over to settle one hand into mine again as we all squished together and relaxed. I felt myself wane and Loki held onto us both tighter.

           “I love you, Thor. Did you know that?” He admitted, so delicate, and Thor wept. “I bet you did.” My free hand curled up over Thor’s head to calm him, pushing him toward a peaceful sleep. “You love me as well. You love me so much that certain days you cannot stand it. I will never take those pains for granted as long as I am in this world.” Thor closed his eyes and let himself be held by those who loved him most until he fell asleep.

           “I’m not sure how much longer…I can hold out.” I warned and Loki smoothed his thumb over my skin. “Did you mean to tire me out?” I smirked and closed my eyes.

           “Take me with you,” he asked and I nodded.

           “I will…I promise.”

** ** **

           The sky was shining and blue when I opened my eyes, hands skimming the earth under me to feel warm sand. I shot up at the sound of laughter. Everyone in Avengers Tower was here. Loki was reclined on a towel at my side. Tony and Pepper enjoyed drinks closer to the shore. Jane and Thor chased each other in the water, splashing about with Peter tugging Mary Jane in with him. Bucky was coaxed into a game of volleyball with Steve and Natasha against Sam, Clint, and Rhodey while Bruce kept score. Sharon joined them and I realized she must have come back to the tower for the night.

           “I did it,” I said, leaning back next to Loki.

           “Did what?” He asked.

           “Nothing. It’s beautiful here. It could always be like this.” I laughed when the volleyball smacked Tony in the shoulder and Pepper covered her lips. My friends played here and they seemed to all remember a time when things weren’t so painful. They looked to each other for this support. I got up and dipped my feet into the water when the ball landed by me. Natasha was smiling when I offered it to her before she seemed to jump at the touch of my hands in realization.

           “This isn’t real.” She blinked and everyone appeared to slow.

           “Yes, it is.” I shook my head and there was a beat.

           “No. How did you…?”

           “It is real to me.” I replied. “I didn’t mean to bring you all in.”

           “We can’t get any privacy,” Loki mused, eyeing Bucky when he passed. “Sweetheart, the beach? Honestly? You know how I suffer in the sunlight.”

           “He’s the god who almost destroyed New York.” Sharon muttered to Steve and he smirked, coming forward.

           “Are we sleeping?” Steve looked around.

           “I tugged you all into my mind when I merely meant to grab Loki. Sorry about that.” I touched my temple.

           “Maybe don’t have a nightmare,” Tony looked around. “This is…”

           “Weird.” Pepper finished and Thor shifted from the waves behind him, eyes heavier.

           “You all seemed so content, I didn’t want to break the illusion.” I passed them to watch the wind sweep through grass.

           “If I get killed by some guy with claws in a Christmas sweater…” Tony trailed off as I paced a few steps away from them to watch the sun spread with purple streams. "It's him."

           “I think it’s time you wake up,” Steve touched my arm and my eyes grew wider at the violence of light.

           “ _Oy vey_ ,” Peter exhaled in a flat tone.

           “He’s not going to let me. He finally has what he wants now. So close.” I felt my chest sink and Loki spun me around.

           “It’s dangerous to stare at the sun.” He uttered in a melodic voice.

           “Guys?” Sam warned and Loki focused me.

           “Take us somewhere else. Do you hear me? Do it now. Remember when I went into your head?” Loki let me slip through his fingers and I turned to walk through the grass while the violet light spread. My foot knocked into something firm and I peered down, chest heaving before I covered my lips. Bodies were spread over the area with various fatal wounds, I looked over the hill and could not even see the grass anymore as hundreds of corpses stained the grounds with a horrid shade of red. It looked like a piece of art from where I stood but that was a matter of perspective.

           “Who are those people?” Natasha caught up to me and I felt the awe of everyone behind her. Hearts skipping beats. “You know them.”

           “Yes.”

           “She killed them.” Thor offered in a sober tone as Bucky stilled next to him.

           “Every person I’ve ever killed.” I agreed. “During battles. Executions. I remember every single one I interrogated. The horrible things they did. The horrible things I did.” My lips split when I kicked one man on his front to see the torn body of Rolf beneath my feet. The expression went unnoticed until I glanced up to see Bucky looking back into my eyes. I heard my friends all talking once more and turned up to see my stepfather standing alive before this rotting masterpiece.

           “Who is that?” Bucky asked while I was distracted. Entranced, I paced toward him and he opened his arms for me before I lunged, tackling him down.

           “You do not belong here!” He just laughed in my face and I banged his head against a rock until his brains spilled out.

           “Hey!” Sharon tried, rushing forward. She, Sam, and Thor pulled me off him in the confusion but I was rabid and Thanos clawed further at the same time I did, landing on my stepfather to plunge my hands into his chest and pull out his heart between broken ribs. My lips opened to savor the first bite but he turned to ashes under me.

           “No!” I hit the ground and Loki pulled me up.

           “Your stepfather is dead! We must go away from here!” Loki shook me until I fell back from him, the second I hit the ground, this all washed away. I rolled over, calming as I got up and looked at my lavish gown. All of us donned Asgardian attire. The palace and grounds were shining gold but completely empty.

           “Asgard…” Jane recognized this world.

           “Not bad,” Sam turned to examine himself and Steve chuckled at that.

           “Whoa…” Natasha hurried forward, dressed a lot like Sif.

           “You’re all seeing this right?” Clint furrowed his brow with fatigue.

           “You live in that thing?” Tony pointed and Thor tried to amuse himself.

           “We do.” He paused. “We did.”

           “I grew up poor until I trained and the Queen took me under her wing,” I sighed. “I was vain to think I was the only one. Women and men of the healing room all come from harsh backgrounds. Abused. Misplaced. Frigga gave us a home with a silent smile and an opened heart.”

           “Where are all the people?” Steve wondered and Rhodey stepped near Pepper when she spoke.

           “It’s beautiful.”

           “I can’t make up everything, can I? Odin sleeps still. He will wake soon. Asgard will rejoice. Two princes reunited. A new hero appears in Jane. But, they will not come for us. Not yet.” I shrugged, smoothing my hand along a row of flowers. “We’re not safe here either. Alas… You’re right, Pepper, it is beautiful. Not always. But, it can be.” I watched them roam the grounds and stand in awe at its monuments. The earth shook and opened with a mighty roar, Loki was ripped up next to me as Asgard fell away in shards. Thanos grew mighty and I grabbed for Loki, planting my feet as Thor wrapped his arms around my waist. Everyone followed suite in the chaos, gripping and forced into this deadly game of tug-o-war. “Let him go!” I strained, skidding against stone and Loki held steady to me with wide eyes. Thanos laughed outward and his world materialized in those vibrations. Everyone behind me was finally able to look into Thanos’ eyes and see the end of the world looking back. I got my arms around Loki while they pulled hard before I closed my eyes until this place of decay burned and we all were sent rolling back across grass. Gasping, I sat up and saw my castle. The sight brought me ease.

           “Finally,” I stumbled to get up. “We’re here.”

           “That thing.” Mary Jane uttered behind me, touching her lips.

           “Thanos…” Bruce finished.

           “Yes,” Bucky replied, having looked upon that evil before.

           “This isn’t Asgard,” Thor noted. “Or Earth.”

           “It is different from when last I was here,” Loki added as I paced forward, numbed. “I’ve been to this core part of her mind. This is where her soul armored itself. Be wary of the guardians. They are rather shocking to look at. Keep a distance from the little girl, she’ll try to play with you.”

           “Little girl?” Jane shifted to Loki’s side idly as they followed.

           “Slow down,” Loki called when I broke into a jog past the fountain and up the steps, dress fluttering behind me. The doors smacked open at my beckoning and I paused on the stairs while vines came to life in full bloom all along my castle.

           “We can stay here until I wake.” I stepped inside. “Come and see.”

           “ _Gah!”_ Tony almost brought Rhodey down when he jumped and grabbed at his friend in surprise at what was before him. “What’s that thing?”

           “I did warn you,” Loki crossed his arms when the doors shut. The gentle, mangled creatures of various fleshy forms in disarray merely observed from all around the twisting staircases. Piano music haunted the hallways and I sighed out.

           “They won’t hurt you.” I watched tattered tapestries blow in the wind and still, hanging down and twisted into the vines and crystal chandeliers. “This is a manifestation of my soul as it is and will be. It has grown…but much stayed the same. This is what I built to protect myself and to protect pieces I pick up from the world and souls around me. A combined effort. This place helps me understand myself and the world around me. You all have such a place. I am merely rooted in tune to mine. Ever since I was little…I just didn’t know it. First, it was disassociation from my father…stepfather…and later it became something else. Evolving as I did. Every soul I have touched. Taken. Hidden. They are here in a way.” My creatures crawled over bannisters and along walls to see my friends while they huddled closer together.

           “You ever consider a career in writing or film?” Bucky scoffed a little and relaxed chuckles followed. A lanky guardian with carved symbols all over its skin and wide set large eyes craned her neck, standing over Natasha while hair fell down to her knees over her shoulders. She put her hand out and reluctantly Natasha touched her palm. A giggle echoed softly from its lips before she slipped away under the stairs.

           “Who have you brought to us?” Grey slipped between tapestries above me, little hands lifted to part them. “They want to help us.”

           “Yes.” I turned. “I’m surprised you came down.”

           “I came to observe. Perhaps to partake.” She stood so frozen.

           “Uncanny.” Tony muttered and they all stilled when her eyes swiped over them intensely. I could tell they were unsettled. She did not blink.

           “Your inner child.” Bruce wondered and I hummed.

           “Simply speaking, doctor.” Loki crossed his arms when she came closer to me. Grey stood above me and reached to touch my face before striking me hard. My guardians all hid behind pillars in response. She frightened them so. My face snapped to the side and I merely exhaled out my nose.

           “ _Shit_.” Sam looked to Steve and I leaned against the rail.

           “Okay, I deserved that…” I touched my cheek, feeling the actual sting throb before she jumped at me. Beating at my stomach and kicking while she huffed and puffed. I just watched the broken child and let her carry on, motioning for Loki to stay put.

           “Stupid! I hate you! Stupid!” She was pleading but a hand grabbed her wrist to spin her around.

           “No! Enough.” Nerien shook her shoulders, bent down to her level. “What have I told you?” Loki touched my arm and stilled when he recognized the elf.

           “You told me not to do it.” Grey lifted her eyes and I shifted back as Loki pulled at my wrist.

           “Did not heed my words. Apologize.” Nerien wagged one clawed finger.

           “I’m fine.” I eased and Nerien stood, Loki stepped in front of me.

           “I believe you’ve done enough.” He tried to stand taller but Nerien’s black eyes were a blaze in him.

           “Prince Loki…you look weary.” Nerien’s words were a ghost.

           “I want to play with her friends.” Grey skipped down the stairs with a toothy smile before she lifted her arms forth and Thor hesitated but picked her up with a side look at Jane. “We could play hide and seek.”

           “Don’t,” I put my hand out but her chest glowed gold and Thor furrowed his brow, cradling her head.

           “You hid the fragments the mind stone here?” He looked up at me.

           “It had to go somewhere. I'm stronger now because of them. It's mine.” Grey answered for me, cocking her head while she tucked hair behind Thor’s ear.

           “Is that why Thanos is drawn into your head?” Jane piped up for everyone and I paused, nodding.

           “This one is sharp,” Nerien commented, shifting past me.

           “And you are?” Steve narrowed his eyes.

           “Old friend.” Nerien had shrugged. “I keep the grounds.”

           “You gave her this power and now she is a target.” Loki seethed and I smoothed my hand over his shoulder as I passed.

           “Nerien, tell us how we can stop him.”

           “Getting stronger. Thanos is not the only one drawn to your glow.” He briefly touched his knuckles to my cheek. “Remember that this is your house, not mine. I merely reside in it.”

           “He’s the first soul you…absorbed.” Natasha realized. “You killed him.”

           “Asked her to take me as I lie dying. Yes, she will continue to get stronger and that strength will be enough for Thanos with a price but…what next?” Nerien cocked his head. “Enough for all? For her? Never. You’re drinking from a limitless universe. Believe this…the Norns have already written the next chapter. Such a waste of one’s life to lie to your soul.”

           “Tell us how to stop Thanos,” Thor cradled Grey to his chest and she dropped her head to his shoulder. My guardians approached to poke and prod at my friends with more curiosity in idle steps. Nerien turned to come to me again, touching one hand to my stomach when he came to my side with his back to them.

           “How far would you go for this reckoning you promised?” Nerien uttered. My hand came to rest on his.

           “Anything.” I confessed, haunted and soft.

           “Would you die for it?” Nerien curled his lips up and instead shook his head. “A trivial question.”

           “We will all stand together to face Thanos.” Thor swore with a new found vigor.

           “ _Would you live for it?”_  Nerien hushed before he released me. A terrifying question I could not answer. My core churned over.

           “Thanos is gaining numbers as we speak, we know he is.” Steve stood taller.

           “He’s drawing it out.” Tony agreed.

           “Perhaps, he simply cannot get here.” Loki offered. "He needs something more out of my wife. Something more than the mind gem."

           “Both ways are locked with Asgard,” Jane realized. "It's why they can't come. Too risky."

           “How do you catch an Asgardian?” Grey wrapped her arms around Thor’s neck.

           “You slow them down first,” Sam dropped his eyes. “What you said last week. Tranquilizers. Poison.”

           “Asgardians are susceptible to both.” Bruce took off his glasses and came forward. “We didn’t have all the variables last time we talked about this all. But, I… What if Thanos isn’t trying to break into your mind? What if he’s trying to poison it?”

           “Go on, doctor,” Sharon gestured and Bruce came between us all.

           “Maria Hill and what’s left of the rebuilt Shield kept noting how Thanos influenced Hydra’s agents. Some could not even fight straight while others were rabid. They were obsessed. They were killing and mutilating themselves. Talking to Thanos even though he’s in their heads and not on Earth. You…clearly have a defense that they don’t and he’s practicing. Hydra. Thor. The violation of someone’s mind.”

           “Test subjects.” Rhodey crossed his arms.

           “Poisoned.” Thor uttered and Grey was idly petting his hair.

           “This is all practice to him,” Natasha furrowed her brow.

           “He’s testing the waters. Pushing and pulling until one’s mind is, you know, ravaged and malleable.” Bruce settled his glasses on his nose and Jane picked it up.

           “If you have such a deep connection to this place? What’s to keep him from using it to branch out to the souls and world around you?”

           “By the nine…” Loki exhaled, shifting to my side. “The hair. The stone. He’s experimenting with dark magic and with your limits. He sees your strength and draws upon that, pushing you further. Opening you up.”

           “God damn. Thanos isn’t really  _building_  a portal,” Tony touched his head. “You’re the portal.”

           “If my mind is broken open…I… He’s not weakening me. He wants to make me stronger. Strong enough for this portal...and strong enough to serve him at last. The gauntlet is gone but I am still here. I know I'm not the first woman Thanos has groomed. There are others. Abused by him and trying to heal. Daughters. I felt them in his heart. I'll find them one day.” My lips opened and I touched my heart, slipping down to sit on the stairs. The guardian that resembled Loki in the slightest shifted behind me to curl his fingers over my shoulder.

           “She’s going to kill herself when she wakes up,” Grey whispered into Thor’s ear.

           “I will not.” I shot back.

           “You were thinking it.” She giggled and Thor came forward with everyone else. Grey wiggled out of his arms and flocked to my lap.

           “If you die, he will take me away from here. Along with everything else.” She leaned against me, nurturing me like a mother while she took my scarred hand to pat it.

           “It’s not an option,” Jane came to sit below me and everyone followed to do so along the steps.

           “So, what’s the plan? Or do we even have one anymore?” Pepper had offered.

           “You all could wake up.” I sighed and Mary Jane beamed a little.

           “Not yet.” She sat on the other side of the bannister down the center of the steps.

           “We see what Maria and Nick have to say when they come in the morning. But, this is on us. We have to decide. Not Shield. Not the government.” Steve crossed his arms over his legs and touched Sharon’s hand. “Sharon did what she could for us. Ross and his men put pressure on us because we’re in the front and they think other teams will follow. This registration act will divide supers and mutants from the governments. But, it’ll also divide everyone in our community. All of us will lose. Hydra wants that...this damn government wants that.”

           “We have to make the decision as a team,” I shrugged, agreeing, and Nerien cocked his head; pacing to the window while we spoke. “We do this as a team or we all fail.”

           “I say we give them our answer. Soon.” Natasha pressed her lips, shaking her head. “They’ll come for us if we don’t. They know they need us, they’ll control us if they have to.”

           “Won’t work.” Sam smirked. “They won’t like that realization even more.”

           “I swore to protect this world and I failed it.” Thor let Jane set her arm along his shoulders.

           “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault here. But, I’m willing to stand up and push back.” She scoffed and Thor beamed at her.

           “Mjolnir did not change your nature.”

           “Steve, I know I fought you when I brought us down this path.” Tony swallowed, eyes watery. “But, I think you should finish this. I’m willing to set everything aside. Just once. I think Captain America will do the right thing. Say the right thing. My dad, ah, he wasn’t a good father. He wasn’t. Great scientist. Great friend… Poor dad. But, he helped bring some good into the world. You proved that to me. What else has my father really touched that turned out this…this wonderful?” Souls beat together, intertwining totally.

           “ _You_.” Steve’s voice broke and Tony pressed his lips, nodding with every emotion weighing him down. All of our souls felt the shift between beating hearts. Loki slipped closer to me and Grey huddled between us. “All of us lost and we got up. Kept going. We all know what the right choice is.”

           “We should stand together and make it.” I sniffled. “This started as a means to an end. But, if it has to end, we end it the right way. As friends. You all are forever my friends. Trauma has touched us all but I…I see these terrifying and breathtaking colors that make us whole still. Maybe this all was bigger than us but we reached out and touched it. That will always mean something. This bravery. This hope among such fear and chaos…it’s why the stars shine brighter over dark cities. You need only ask and watch those very stars above and you will see all of our souls together at once. You will see them looking back. You will find home when you need it most. We gave that to each other. All of us. Isn’t that remarkable?”

           “Miracles happen every day, we all just got to share one.” Sam smiled, touching Steve’s shoulder.

           “I don’t have regrets.” Sharon voiced, earning sounds of agreement. "We'll do everything we can because it's the right thing."

           “Whatever happens, this world will always have us. We will always have each other.” Thor heaved for more certainty that had lingered untouched by his tone. “Just as she said, look to those stars and you will find us.”

           “I’m going with you guys.” Bucky knew what his words could mean for him.

           “I’m ready,” Steve inhaled sharply, sniffing and we all agreed.

           “I am too.” Natasha swallowed. “We have to finish this and we have to make sure whoever or…whatever comes next is ready or this falls apart. Besides, I basically told the government to kiss our ass when that all went down and I’m not going back on that much.”

           “Nor should you.” Clint smiled and we laughed for a moment as wind whistled.

           “Steve, before we go through with this. You don’t have to tell us what you’re going to tell the press. Whether we are to sign or not. We believe in you. We know the right words will come.” I stood up and Grey curled her hand around my wrist, hiding behind my dress when I faced them. “But, everything that happens will be on us and this government. We cannot leave anyone out of this. So, I think you should go alone to Xavier’s school and sit down with Scott Summers. Go once. Go as a friend. Tell him what you’re going to do first because they deserve that.”

           “What if he doesn’t like what I have to say?” Steve asked softer.

           “Listen to what he has to say.” I replied. “Listen well and reflect.”

           “She’s right.” Natasha turned.

           “I agree,” Bruce nodded and everyone followed before Steve dropped his hands.

           “I will.” Steve paused. “I’ll go today. It’s the best thing.”

           “Anyone else?” Tony looked around.

           “Daylight approaches,” Nerien smoothed a curtain aside. “All know what you must do. Do it without forgiveness. The rest will follow.”

           “Will you bring them back to play with me?” Grey tugged at me. “I have many games.”

           “I cannot promise anything. Once around my mind may be enough.” I joked, swiping my finger along her cheek. “Say goodbye for now.”

           “I always share.” She offered instead, hurrying to Loki to sit on his lap. “You should visit again while pursued. The other one doesn’t like him.”

           “Other one?” Jane got up when everyone began to stand. “You mean Thanos.”

           “No.” Grey clung to Loki when he stood up and carried her. “I don’t think so. He won’t show his face. He leaves treats for us at the door and waters the flowers.”

           “I don’t remember anyone like that.” I watched her tuck herself under Loki’s chin and look at my eyes.

           “He said you wouldn’t. He says you keep looking away.” Grey played with the black locks around Loki’s head idly.

           “Who is she talking about?”

           “I honestly don’t know.” I shrugged. “Does he belong to me?”

           “He could.” Grey lowered her voice and Loki allowed her down. “I only heard him twice. You opened the door and went outside. He talked to you. He needs your help but, maybe you want him. I hope you don’t leave with him though. I don’t want to be alone again.”

           “You won’t be.” I replied quietly.

           “Little one, are you certain it wasn’t someone from Asgard trying to communicate?” Thor asked and she spun.

           “I am not little, I’m as big as the sky.” She rasped before turning to me.

           “What did I say to this person?” I shifted forward.

           “They got lost… But, they found you by accident I think. Or maybe the Norns pushed him toward you the same way they push everyone toward you. Birds flock. Once they are in, a piece of them can never leave. Don’t be afraid, we can increase.” She pressed her lips up with an air of sweetness.

           “I am not.”

           “Child.” Nerien beckoned. “They must go.”

           “Don’t leave this time, not without me.” Grey cocked her head, eyes glinting before her childish voice grew soft. “Don’t make me kill you again.” She tugged at my dress. “I love you.” Her cold lips touched my cheek when I bent down to allow her, dazed.

           “I love you…” I responded, standing when she passed me to go to Nerien, clasping his hand. “Do they want to kill me too?” I stopped them and she blinked once.

           “Oh no. They want you to live forever and ever.”

           “Mysteries of the universe. It must be Thanos' tricks.” I sighed. “Yet to be revealed until all the planets align. The sun is up…how about I start a warm breakfast for us all?” The walls began to shed to smoke and I smiled at my friends. “Time to face the day. We do that. Anything can follow.”

** ** **

           Butter sizzled in a pan as I waited patiently for someone to emerge. I left Thor and Loki cuddled together like they were children again. Naaki pawed at my leg until I dropped a treat before she bounded toward the elevator when it opened and Tony stumbled out.

           “Rough night?” My lips spread in a fluid motion and he scoffed.

           “Weird dream. Your little ghost girl, I’m going to lose sleep over that.”

           “Will fresh muffins help? Clint’s recipe.” Magic was setting the table and moving things behind me.

           “Blueberry?” Tony rubbed his eyes and I chuckled.

           “Yes. Now come sit. It’s a new day.”

           “Can you not?” Tony looked down at Naaki while she kneaded at his lap to get comfortable on his leg after he’d sat down. “New sweater. Nice.”

           “Sharon is still here and awake,” I looked up. “I hope she will eat.”

           “You seem…calm.”

           “I slept well for the first time in months, any bit helps.” I winked. “Jarvis, why not play that music we like?”

           “Not a problem.” He replied and it clicked on low volume. Mary Jane came down after, ruffling her curls.

           “Peter’s calling his aunt… Was last night real?”

           “It was. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to grab everyone like that.” I gestured to the table and she sat down. Tony picked up the paper so she took a page from it, reaching for a muffin. I made a large pan of scrambled eggs and plates scooped themselves.

           “What are you doing after you graduate, Watson?” He kept his eyes on the paper in his hand.

           “Working so I can save up some more money. Moving away from my dad put a dent in my plans, but I wouldn’t change it.” She shrugged, leaning forward to skim over a story as I started coffee. “You need help?”

           “No, thank you. I find cooking a distraction. Even if I let magic help.” I chuckled quietly and two plates came to them so they thanked me.

           “You want a job at Stark Industries?” Tony shrugged and Mary Jane snapped up.

           “What? Really? As what?”

           “With Pepper running things up top, I need a personal assistant. Good pay. Safe job… Safe…ish. You’d pick things up fast. Good start for experience.” Tony folded his paper and got up to pour himself some coffee. “Also, it stands as a…’sorry superheroes tried to mess your life up’ kind of thing.”

           “All right. Yeah, I could do that.” She smiled. “Do I get an office?”

           “No.” He huffed. “You do get unreleased Stark Tech, bragging rights, and a wild resume. Courtesy of your new boss.”

           “Deal.” She shrugged and I smiled at Tony, peering away from him as I passed with a fresh coffee. “I should talk to Pepper about what I just got into.”

           “I bet she has fun stories.” I agreed, stirring sugar into my drink. The door opened again and Sharon paced in.

           “Everyone awake?”

           “They’re getting ready. Thor might be late. How are you?” I looked up. “Come sit, I’ll make you a cup.”

           “Been better. I talked to Steve last night and that helped. I miss Aunt Peggy. I wish I could ask her what to do.” She thanked me when I set some coffee in front of her.

           “I’m certain Agent Carter would respect what you do next,” I touched her hand in a kind motion and sat back when she smiled. “Trusting yourself can be difficult but, today… I don’t know. I’m optimistic.”

** ** **

           “Crowds and a big public press conference,” Tony looked outside the limo.

           “We already know their play.” Natasha added. Loki, Peter, and M.J. separated from us to hide among the people with other supers and mortals. Anxious, I bopped my leg up and down until Jane set her hand over it, beaming at me.

           “They want to scare us.” Thor mused, fists clenched together.

           “They won’t. I know what I have to do.” Steve clasped his hands between Sam and Bucky. Bruce was quiet on Thor’s opposite side while Rhodey checked the time.

           “We have some time when we park to gather ourselves,” he offered.

           “Reed’s team will be there.” Steve nodded. “Scott said he’d show with some X-Men to see how this plays out.”

           “If it’s anything like the last speech you gave, I think you’ll do okay at least.” Sam laughed and patted Steve with some sarcasm. Clint smirked at them and we all tried to fight nerves.

           “Hey,” Bucky swallowed. “I know in the past I… I just wanted to thank you all for not giving up on me. On this. I’m sorry.”

           “I am as well.” Thor sighed and Bucky looked at him with some comfort.

           “We all made mistakes. We all had trouble finding the real enemies.” Sam nodded. “But, hey, Captain America is sitting here. I don’t think we did too badly.”

           “Cap’s always needed here. Iron Man can retire but people have to see that bright shield and feel safer.” Tony pressed his lips and Steve looked down, nodding. “Of course, you’re much older than me technically,  _grandpa_.”

           “No grey hairs yet,” Steve shrugged, smacking Tony’s arm in jest.

           “You guys stress me out in that Tower with all my stuff. I’m surprised I have hair.” Tony remarked after.

           “Pepper and I watch your back more than you do, to be fair,” Rhodey offered.

           “True.” Tony had shrugged and sat back when we turned into a parking garage. Stepping out, I inhaled crisp air and crossed my arms. A text popped up on my phone from Loki.

            _I love you._

           My heart warmed.

            _I love you. Stay hidden._

_In disguise. ;)_

           “We got here first,” Bruce adjusted his coat and I shifted so Steve could get his shield from the trunk. He fixed it on his back and sighed out.

           “You seem calm.” I leaned against the trunk while the team idly chatted behind me.

           “Yeah, not my first rodeo.” He smiled and I cocked my head.

           “An expression I’m not sure I understand but I’ll go with it.”

           “Oh, hey, I have a favor. If this goes south and we get split up, I need you to get this to Tony.” He plucked a letter from his pocket.

           “You’re trusting me with it?”

           “Asgardian.” Steve noted and I smiled. “I’d trust you with it either way. You’d watch out for these guys with Natasha. You kept Bucky on the right path. You drove your heels into the ground if it meant doing what’s right, even if that’s terrifying. It usually is. Frankly, I trusted you the second you made it your goal to get the Tesseract away from Earth and fought for it.”

           “I am quite stubborn. But, then again, so are you.” I took the envelope, nodding.

           “Nah,” Steve joked and I pushed at his arm.

           “Thank you for trusting me and for being there when everything with Hydra started once more. I know you wanted out again but, it was hard on you. Us, Sam, and Natasha made quite the team. Breaking rules is always fun though.” I shrugged before I put my arms around him in a sudden motion. “I mean it, thank you, Steve Rogers. I know everyone looks to the Captain, but we do just fine with Steven. The Avengers...they were one of the best things to happen to me in this life. You are so important in that and to me.”

           “Took me a while to realize that too. Wouldn't be who I am without you or Tony. Bucky and Nat. Sam. All of us,” he patted my back, shifting back to touch my hair. “Thanks for helping me see things clearer. This team…somehow I think we’ve never known ourselves as well as we do now since you’ve been with us. You do that for me more than you think. Going to the X-Men, it was good.”

           “I like to think I know what I’m doing,” I craned my neck to see more cars pulling up. Sharon and Maria emerged from one. The Fantastic Four came from another as greetings were shared.

           “Look who paid us a visit,” Maria cocked her head at their car when Janet and Hank both got out to join us.

           “What are you guys doing here?” Bruce came forward to shake Janet’s hand.

           “Figured we’d get out of that lab and into the fight. Ant-Man and Wasp.” Janet set her hands on her hips and winked. “We’re with you guys now. Avengers. Figured I’d join the team I named.”

           “You forgot to trademark,” Tony leaned out with a smirk and she shot him a look. Jane hugged her in greeting.

           “I’m glad you’re here.”

           “Welcome,” Sam shook Hank’s hand. “Tony, you’ll have to make more room in the Tower.”

           “We have room to spare, I suppose. Don’t all shower at the same time.” Tony greeted Pepper when she appeared as well.

           “You need a bathhouse, like we have in Asgard,” Thor offered. “Warriors bathe and revel in stories with a relaxing setting.”

           “That’s probably your worst idea and thank you for the images.” Tony’s eyes went wide and Thor brightened, shifting his arm around Jane. I watched him try to stay strong today, I watched them all attempt such a feat.

           “Tony, you don’t want to have some bathtime celebrations with Thor? No fun allowed.” Natasha quipped, passing us to see Sue. “Thanks for coming.”

           “Wouldn’t miss this.” Sue agreed, hands clasping as we split off again. I stood with Jane and Thor while Steve ushered Sharon to the side behind us.

           “Look at us,” Sharon grew light. “Never thought I’d see anything like this. I owe Aunt Peggy so much.”

           “Yeah,” Steve took her hand. “I think she would be impressed.”

           “If you change your mind about this or what you’re going to say, we’ll have your back.” Sharon nodded. “They ask you to move, plant yourself. Just like Peggy would. Make them move. Shield’s out there watching. If we’re lucky, we can all get a drink after.”

           “I know a place.” Steve sighed and she cupped his head to kiss him softly. We all grew silent and looked away. Bucky smiled to himself and Sam nudged him, nodding. Steve parted from her and looked at us. “Can we get some privacy, guys?”

           “The girl who can enter minds is literally two feet from you, so no.” Sam crossed his arms and winked at me.

           “I stayed out.” I put my hands up. “He still thinks you’re a mighty warrior.”

           “I know,” Sharon smirked, hand smoothing over Steve’s cheek as she passed. “He isn’t wrong but, he can hold his own now.”

           “No, he’s not wrong.” Natasha nodded.

           "Steve Rogers is a bit of a warrior himself. I guess. Team couldn't get a better leader. One man's humble opinion." Tony was smiling at his friend and Steve returned it wholeheartedly.

            "Let's hear it," Bucky began with a grin, "for Captain America."

            "You're too much, Buck... How is this about me now?" Steve gestured and Tony remembered.

            "Oh, I'm sorry, isn't everything?" He recited, chuckling. "Sorry about that whole thing."

            "Eh, I had an equal part." Steve shook Tony's hand. "Just like you had an equal part in making this team great, Tony."

            "Captain." Tony acknowledged, dropping his hand before he corrected himself. "Steve." They shared a beat that we all indulged in. Friends united together. “They ready for us, Rhodes?”

           “I guess it’s time, crowds are restless. Every channel is watching.” He gestured and Thor offered Jane his arm as they went. Steve put his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and pressed their head together briefly as they smiled and walked off into the bright light together. Sam nudged me and Natasha winked as she passed so I followed them out. Either side of the stage was framed by civilians, cheering and chanting. A few held up signs of support or opposition. Cameras rolled and I drained out the noise when I felt Loki, disguised as Ava, standing with Peter and Mary Jane. My lips lifted at the sight and she nodded with some encouragement. Steve’s shield shined bright when the sun touched it, casting a glow for us to follow. The Fantastic Four and Van Dynes were ushered just in front of the stage steps as the rest of us were pointed to folding chairs. As if she senses my nerves, Natasha smirked lightly and settled her hand over mine, surprising me. I clasped hers in response and we shared a brief moment to bring each other up. Thaddeus Ross announced the accords and was met with mostly protest as he stiffly shook Steve’s hand. Mutant souls glowed with fear in the audience. Tony shifted a few steps from Steve and didn’t sit down, nodding once for Steve to begin when the crowd hushed.

           “I’ll try to be brief. My name is Steve Rogers. You know me as Captain America. You know my team. The Avengers. Some of you witnessed our birth. Some of you lost loved ones in the fight and some of you are watching from the afterlife because we couldn’t save you...” Steve breathed evenly, looking out at the people. I caught a few X-Men in the crowd, nearing the front to watch and Jean locked eyes with me for a moment.

          “...We all wish it was different. We all wish the world wasn’t so broken. But, as long as there are villains, there are always heroes ready to fight for you. We’re here today because of fear, because this fear of enhanced humans and of mutants born into the world is mixed with the belief that we’re not the safest hands on the wheel. The government wishes to assemble and register all super humans, exposing their identities in the hopes that they can be controlled and trained and told who to fight. To do so, they could be giving up their right to a secret identity. They could give up their lives and beliefs. I’ve worked in the military long before I was Captain America. I know the end goal. Fight the bad guys so you can go home to your loved ones. Maybe they think they’re doing the right thing. My team and I were given the option to speak on behalf of people like us everywhere and I think…”

           Steve looked back at Tony, his great friend, with hands clutching the podium. The heat kicked in. Tony looked back at the man who shaped his life before he smiled and nodded. Steve exhaled with some relief before he turned back, more certain than anything after such comfort was shared between them.

           “And we decided that we will not agree to sign these accords. We won’t come forward. We won’t put up our hands because the fight gets too hard. Too scary. We won’t give up.” The crowd was wild. Photos were snapped but Steve went on despite it all. “I can’t speak over all super humans. I can’t speak for or over mutants. If you’re out fighting, I hope you can hear me and I hope you’re safe. You will always be safe with us. If you’re not fighting, I know you’re scared. It’s fine. We’ll still fight for you because you’re worth it. You need a roof, we’ll give you one. But, I cannot in good conscious force the brave, diverse people I’ve grown to love to conform under threat of fear. That isn’t freedom. I can’t pretend it is. I can’t stop those willing from fighting for what they believe in. That’s not America. You can’t force a community to surrender under a piece of cloth and expect them to thank you for it. We’ve come too far. I believe in heroes. I believe in my hands and in the hands of my friends. And I believe in all of you here today. So if you’re fighting, plant yourself and push back. Always help those in need. Always show compassion...."

           "...And to the mutant community. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like I could have been. But, I will be. The Avengers will be. If you can find it within yourself to trust us or forgive us, please… If not, that’s fine, we’ll stand with you. I believe in second chances and in the reality that hope will always win over fear. We’ve all been beaten down, touched by evil but, you are not tarnished. You are still here and you are still valid...and you have a chance. My friends taught me this and more. Captain America doesn’t belong to me, he belongs to you. He is in each and every one of your hearts. I’m willing to bet on it. I’m willing to bet on my people to the end of the line. Always be a good man before a great soldier. Thank you for letting me speak on behalf of my team. I have hope-”

           Over the wild crowds. The bright sun. The flashing lights. I heard the clangs. Three total. They sounded like wedding bells. The vibrations shook my world and I watched Steve’s silhouette, arms spreading out like a mighty bird before he hit the ground. I realized when my ears started ringing over the screams... When I saw the blood. Three bullets. Into his body and ricocheted by the shield on his back. The screams howled. Time was frozen. Bucky about flew past us when everyone began to race around. Somehow I ended up next to him, cradling Steve as he wheezed for air. I reached for Steve at the same time the tip of his finger drew down Bucky’s face and poked his chest. Once. Twice. It meant something. A ghost from his past, I recalled our early days.  _Please_. My palm cupped Steve’s face and his free fingers snapped around my wrist, he looked into my eyes and gave me something that turned my heart into a fallen star. His knuckles touched my cheek while I held him. I felt his soul all at once glow into mine before I was forced to exhale and it snapped away like the light was clicked off. Steve’s lips had tried to form a word but he was gone faster than the synapses of my brain could process the ache in my heart. The fact that I was crying.

           “Help him!” Bucky was shouting when I got my arm over his shoulders.

           “He’s already gone.” I choked and Bucky Barnes screamed louder than anyone that day. Tony was at Steve’s head, cradling it when it had fallen back. Their eyes cast and burned and melted all at once into each other’s gaze one final time. Great friends from different walks of life who loved so deeply. Steve reached out for him next. Two souls, so contrasting, and so connected to each other. Tony was jerking with breaths, some blood had misted his face. The hand dropped after barely touching Tony's cheek. Steve was gone. Natasha was wide eyed and furious and shaking me. Sharon frantically felt for a pulse and choked when there wasn't one left in the man she'd respected and perhaps loved. Steve's fingers uncurled from my wrist.

           “Where is he?!” Natasha shook me back into existence because she was the only one who could now. “The shooter!” Lips opened and I expanded out. As far as I could go. “It’s Hydra!”

           “Pretty messed up…what happened to him. Crossbones.” I heaved for air. “Crossbones! Crossbones!” I screamed and Sam helped pull me up. “There! He is running!” Johnny took off first, igniting into flames while Reed followed my hand. Sharon pulled out her gun with tears in her eyes, pushing at me.

           “Go! Catch him! Get out of here!” She clenched her teeth and I lifted into the air when Jane summoning the will to follow. “I...I need agents up there, Hill!”

           “You see him?” Reed’s limbs stretched up as he moved over buildings. I was sobbing and the tears froze on my cheeks.

           “Yes!” I reached out and the door to a roof opened with Rumlow dashing toward a jet in the distance. Jane charged forward on autopilot, Mjolnir shined before she hit the jet so hard, it whirled around into the water. My body tackled into Rumlow, we spun around and I almost went over the building but Reed caught me and tossed me back. Johnny swirled around us as Reed called in for backup. Rumlow laughed when I yanked him to the ground, his helmet rolled across the roof and I screamed in his face, punching him. He didn’t register half the pain. He didn’t care. He just laughed. “Steve’s dead!” I was screaming. Over and over. I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t hitting him anymore. I was just screaming. I don’t know how long I did it for. “I want to kill you! I want to kill you!”

            _Do it._  Thanos coaxed.

           I lifted my hand, fist clenching and I wanted my fix. I deserved it. Bucky deserved it.  _Steve_. Unable to breathe right, I stared at Rumlow’s bloodied smile.  _He can’t win. He can’t win. Hate can’t win. Fascists can’t win._

“I could do it and feel nothing. It would be justice.” I shook with the force of an exploding sun. It wouldn’t bring Steve Rogers back into my orbit.

            _Give into your power and kill him._  Thanos urged again.

           “I won’t. He’ll be taken in. Proof monsters exist. Proof they can still lose.” I hissed, spitting into his face when I grabbed his jaw. “Stand behind bars and watch love and hope overcome. Payment in full for a piece of  _trash_.” I was pulled off him by Johnny and Jane when they landed while Shield and FBI agents came together to knock him out and put him in chains. Pulling from Jane, I fell over the ledge and landed among frightened civilians running past me. Natasha rushed toward me as arrests were made.

           “They got him.” She sounded like she was assuring herself, her hands grasped for my shoulder. I couldn’t tell if she was pushing or pulling me or trying to keep herself upright. I stood before the stage and looked at Steve splayed on the marble steps. Bucky was rocking him, squeezing too tight. Everyone tried to do their duty through awe and tears. Thor leaned down to Bucky and held him with comfort only he could give. Sam was on his knees after the fighting next to Tony, face in his hands. But Tony, he was just staring with gaping eyes and one hand still on the back of Steve’s head. Sharon had joined them, taking Steve’s hand while ambulance sirens hailed in the distance.

          Government officials who had not been hidden away from the chaos were shouting. Policemen were giving unheard orders. My friends mourned and Loki found me, spinning me around to take me in her arms. I got from her to see Steve again, to remind myself that this was real. Captain America was bulletproof, but I never considered that Steve Rogers was not. I only got a few steps until I fell to my knees before the stairs and Natasha was at my side, her arms went around me and I clung to her. She wept. We all wept. It was Janet Van Dyne who tried to take control through her pain. We gathered again around Steve to weep together. Scott and his team were running back from the chaos and he paused, face solemn and pinched in a frown. He wrapped his arms around Jean while Ororo covered her lips as she landed and Logan touched my shoulder.

           “We have to get inside,” Janet was coaxing, sniffing back her emotion and Hank joined in to help his wife.

           “Steve!” Bucky protested, choking, when Thor tried to help. “I can’t leave him. I can’t. I can’t.” The X-Men joined in with strength my team needed. Jean and Scott helped Natasha and I up.

           “Tony,” I took his shoulders as Pepper and Rhodey tried to talk him from his trance. “Tony, you must listen…we have to go inside. We have to continue. Steve will come in with us…but we have to carry him. He needs us right now.” I nodded to Thor and he helped lift Bucky to his feet, Steve came with; head tipped back and Tony shot up to help cradle him. Sharon came as well, body shaking. “Together. We’re here.” I helped lift Steve’s torso and Sam joined me with Natasha on his side. Bruce, teeth clenched through ugly tears, flocked forward and helped Thor with Bucky. We crowded around Steve Rogers and lifted him together, lifting each other up in the process, to carry him to shelter.

_What has this broken world touched that it had not tarnished?_

_All of us._

_** ** **_

           Thor had to carry Bucky into another room with my help once we’d separated him from Steve. Bucky was seizing with no air, clinging to me when we got him on a couch. Steve’s blood was caked on his front and I held him when he came to my embrace.

           “We got Rumlow. We got him.” I tried in vain.

           “Steve’s dead. Steve’s dead.” Bucky sniffled, weakened, when I took his face. I tried to find words to say to comfort him while he looked into my eyes. But, I kissed his head and let him cry.

           “I’ll care for him.” Thor was red-faced and fatigued. He sat along the couch and let Bucky nestle into his chest. “Go. Help them out there. I have Bucky.” I got up and Jane appeared in the doorway, setting Mjolnir down. Wordless, I embraced her and we passed each other so I could go out. Everyone looked up and waited for the storm of officials and sirens from outside to come for us. Steve’s body was in another room on a metal table. Scott brought in a sheet to cover him and Tony stumbled in with that look still on his face.

           “Let me talk to him.” Tony broke as Pepper and Rhodey tried to calm him.

           “Tony…” Pepper was unable to find words.

           “Let me talk with him.”

           “I’ll watch him,” I coaxed and Scott handed me the sheet.

           “I am sorry. I am.” He offered quietly.

           “Thank you, Scott.” I watched them go and Tony smacked the door shut.

           “Does Rogers think this is funny?” He seethed and picked up Steve’s shield, setting it on his chest before I covered up to his waist.

           “Tony.” I sighed, hands clenching before I lifted my fingers to soundproof the room.

           “What was that?”

           “Only we can hear you now,” I reached out and he backed up.

           “No, Steve. Damn it. I hate him.” Tony pressed his hands by Steve’s head, leaning over him to scream. “I hate you! I hate him, you know. ”

           “I know.” I breathed, eyes raw still.

           “I told myself I could go on if we failed. If we signed those accords. Maybe it was the right thing, I was so close. I knew we’d be safe. Even if we had to stand by people we hated to get this all over with. I could live with being the bad guy in this mess. I could live with you guys hating me. I could…I… But, this. This is the one thing I couldn’t live with. I held us back. I was selfish. I told lies to keep the peace and Steve shook his head at me and I told myself I was okay with that. But, now, the one thing…the one thing I want to say. Over the lies and truths and this…chaos. I cannot even say to him. I can’t… I tried to keep us distracted. Keep us level. This team fought each other more than the damn bad guys in the beginning and secretly, I was fine with it because it kept us further from the government breathing down our necks. I would have kept us at odds if it meant we’d be out of that mess. While I came up with some shit to handle it quietly, to coax us toward peace with the government even if it meant I lost you all as friends. But, I was a coward. And Steve, he was right and I hated him because it was so hard. I thought I knew how it was, I thought I’d grown enough to do the hard thing. But…I hated him. It doesn’t make any sense.”

           “It does now and that’s why it hurts so much.” I uttered, voice thick. "You're not a bad person, Tony."

           “I had to see his face all over my house growing up. Like it was a damned shrine,” Tony wiped his eyes and turned away from me before looking back. “I hated him growing up. I hated that my father loved him more than me. I hated that he was dead and I was alive and still my dad would have picked him first. I hated that I wanted to be him… I hated that I never was. If I had been better from the start. If I hadn’t held us back. Rolled over. Settled. It should have been me.” Tony wept and slipped lower, rubbing his swollen eyes before I knelt down to look into them. “We should have accepted and come together long before all this shit. It should have just been me. Not him.”

           “That much isn’t for you to decide.” I swallowed. “This team still needs you and wants you. Deeply so. We all regret our hesitation. Our petty fights. What you wish to say to Steve. He knows. He knows with everything he has inside him. What you are feeling so deeply, it matters. All of it.”

            _“It wasn’t worth it,_ ” Tony covered his lips, eyes squeezing shut before his head tipped forward to touch my shoulder. I understood. People always tell us that loss and abuse and pain make us strong because we are survivors. But the cost… I’d like to spit in the face of anyone to frivolously utter such things. Higher gods could never beg our forgiveness and earn it. Tony understood as well. Everything we did, it still took too much. The cost of losing Steve would never be paid in full. Carefully, I set my arms around him in response.

           “You are right,” I tried not to cry and failed. “We seek to fight harder. The beginning…a lot went wrong. We lost so much. Steve believed in second chances. And in hope. And I believe in Steve Rogers. Just as I believe in you and in this team, even now. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and, gods, I wish I could stop this pain.” Tony shifted from me, turning away again to calm down and stand without my help. I followed, arms dropping at my sides while I looked at Steve’s face. Remembering, I shuffled into my pocket and pulled out the letter. “I almost wonder if he knew it would come to this…”

           “What?” Tony sniffed and I offered it to him.

           “Steve gave me this in case things got bad. He wrote ‘for Tony Stark only’ so I… I’ll go.”

           “Stay, I never listen to him.” Tony took it, breathing heavily before he opened it to read to himself for a moment. He scoffed at the writing and pressed his lips. “Damn it, Steve…” He trailed off and I touched Steve’s face, he was still warm. Hollow. Taking a final moment, I kissed his head and pressed my forehead to his.  _I am so sorry._  When I came up, Tony reached out. “Here.”

           “I shouldn’t.”

           “Steve would want you to be a part of this. He made you the messenger for a reason. Read it.” Tony shuffled and I took the paper.

            _Tony-_

_If you’re reading this, then things have gone wrong. This was always out of our control. I know we disagreed on what to do in the face of that, but I wish we agreed sooner and kept this team together. I’m so sorry. But, I have faith in us and in them. If the worst is to happen, I am trusting you with two things: Don’t let Bucky drift back into anger and confusion. He has a chance at a new life – help him find his way. Save him for me. And as for Captain America, the part of it that is bigger than me - that’s always been bigger than me – Don’t let it die, Tony. Keep moving forward. All of you._

_America needs a Captain, maybe now more than ever. Don’t let that dream die._

_Yours,_

_Steve Rogers_

           “He…” I sniffled hard, pressing my mouth into a line before I licked my lips. “Steve is trusting you with what he loves most. He’s trusting you with his heart. You know that?”

           “Yeah...yeah,” Tony dropped his head and took the letter from me when I offered it. “Can’t do it alone. Steve had a large heart, you know… Will you help me?”

           “Yes, of course…” I swore.

           “He’d want someone to pick up that shield.” Tony shook his head. “I can’t…won’t leave the Avengers. But, I’m not the one to lead the team. I’m not. Make us look cool but…” I pressed my lips up before someone knocked at the door. Janet was there when I opened it.

           “They calmed it down. They…They want to take him.” She touched my arm and I nodded as Tony folded the note and pocketed it. “Hank and I…with Reed’s team, we’ll handle things for you with Shield and the feds. You can trust us to do that. Take your boy home. Get to rest if you can.”

           “Thank you, Janet.” I was grateful, leaving Tony alone while I paced to Jean and the X-Men.

           “Thank you for staying but you all should disappear. Feds are coming in and Stryker could be with them and I don’t want more trouble for you all. We will stay in touch. I can’t tell you what your presence here means to us all. We would never have done it without you.” I wiped my eyes and she put a hand on my collar.

           “Of course, do that.” She beckoned for her friends and I paused, turning to Scott.

           “Steve came and spoke with you and,” I swallowed, “I just wondered…?”

           “How it went?” Scott touched the back of his head and I nodded. “I, uh, I called him an idiot. But, we were never going to be friends. He got that. I told him not to give them what they wanted. Not to hand mutants over on a platter. Rogers stood by his word. I’m grateful for that much.”

           “Thank you for sharing that with me.” I waved and Storm offered me a kind smile.

           “See you later. Come to us when you can.” She caught up to Logan and they slipped out. Turning from the hallway, I passed a few people and paused to go out on the stairs. Natasha, snapped her face away from me, seated up on the steps alone.

           “Forgive me, I felt and I just…” I moved to go but paused. “I understand if you wish to be alone. I want you to know that you do not have to be. May I sit with you for a moment?”

           “ _Mm hm_.” Natasha couldn’t form the words so I stepped carefully to sit and set my hands in my lap.

           “Steve was…so many things to us. A leader. A friend. He…trusted you and I when others did not.” I looked ahead while she faced the wall, curled up with her hands folded together. I realized this day was the first I’d seen Natasha really cry. “I like to think we rewarded and returned that faith he had. When I met Steve, he knew the world had failed him. He knew. But, he didn’t stop fighting for it. He didn’t stop digging for something more. He was so angry and frustrated. Gripping for threads of connection to this new world. I hope he found them. My heart tells me he did.”

           “He went so fast…” Natasha closed her eyes tight and let me touch her back.

           “I could not stop him,” I agreed with some guilt. “It’s not…fair that someone so…so significant can just slip away.  _Oh, Steve…_ ” I broke again while she dropped her head to her knees and we held each other. The door opened and Sam joined the warm embrace, his soul was weighed so heavily that I thought we all might sink into the floor.

           “Captain America needed me. Steve brought me back into this. I’m not leaving him behind,” he had offered though his own tears. “I won’t.”

           “We won’t.” Natasha wiped her eyes and agreed, gulping before she stood. “I have to get back out there. Hill will need me. See if I can find Sharon. Can you go see to Bucky?”

           “Yes.” I got up when Sam offered me a hand and rubbed my back when we walked out. Maria Hill was holding herself together to keep through this. Feds were wandering and I ignored them to seek out Thor with Bucky half asleep and muttering those numb numbers to himself. Jane looked up and I sat on Thor’s opposite side, touching Bucky’s hair.

           “I told Loki to take Peter and M.J. back to the Tower. It took some convincing but…”

           “Thank you, Jane.” I sighed. “I think we should try to convince them to start heading back. We’re not in a position to plan. We mourn and then handle this together. Just like we wanted.”

           “Captain America was murdered on live television because of the government’s unwillingness to listen to its people. Because they would rather villainize its champions to control them than seek out the real evil lurking in the distance.” Thor whispered. “If they even brought up those registration acts as passing thoughts, there would be riots in the streets. Steven…he paid too high a price and ended up saving us so that we may salvage what is left.”

           “Then we must work harder not to fail him. Not to let this loss be all in vain. We have to mourn him first.” I cleared my throat, looking down.

           “Jane and I, we can go speak with the others here. See if we can start getting them back to our home.” Thor sniffled. “Can you watch him?”

           “Of course,” I helped Thor shift Bucky so he was lying down before they got up to go. Bucky blinked his eyes and stared at me before he opened his arms so I could lie in them. I squeezed him and he held me back without words, my eyes were sore but I closed them when his breathing evened out. I felt his fury and pain swirl and cradled those while his heart beat in my ear and sleep came for me. Mercy was granted; I didn’t dream of Thanos or even the sparkling blue of Steve Rogers’ eyes and how his voice always carried above discord with enough passion to fill my heart until I burst. Instead, I just took Bucky with me into a dream where we swam into the depths of the sea and screamed together. It was beautiful.

** ** **

           The ride back was brutal with silence. Loki was sitting on the couch, to my surprise, with Peter and Mary Jane in either of his arms. He was stiff and awkward but they all shot up when the elevator opened and I came forward first. Getting up, Loki paused and eyed my friends behind me before I rushed into his arms.

           “We should, ah, get cleaned up,” Pepper’s voice hitched and Rhodey nodded, guiding Tony in.

           “I tried to get Sharon to come, she won’t hear it. Janet stayed with her. I’ll call her tomorrow,” Jane added and Thor clasped his hand into hers.

           “What do we do?” Peter wiped his eyes on his sleeves.

           “Funeral?” Mary Jane wondered.

           “Yeah, uh, said two days. Nick Fury is flying in. I can meet him.” Sam nodded, eyes elsewhere when he kept his tone level. “I want to.”

           “I should escort you two to the hotel Peter’s Aunt is in. She must be worried.” Rhodey gestured and Peter went without words, hand lacing with Mary Jane’s. “I’ll be back.”

           “Come on guys, go clean up.” Bruce touched Tony’s shoulder and Natasha silently passed everyone with Clint behind her. Loki grasped me in his arms and got me walking before I reached out and tugged for Bucky’s jacket until he came with me up the stairs. I just stood there a moment and Loki pulled my coat off. Naaki hid upon her cat tree. The realization that blood was caked down my front and sleeve hit me when I faced a mirror. Specks misted my collar and I scratched at my neck, my other hand swiped over the eye makeup smeared all down my cheeks and Loki turned me around to stop me from scratching.

           “Shoes,” he pointed and Bucky removed his while I unzipped my boots mechanically. Loki hung up our coats and I pushed at Bucky until we moved toward the bathroom. Rumlow’s blood crusted my knuckles so I hurried to wash them after I turned the shower on. It buzzed in my ears and suddenly I felt nothing.

           “You have to get in,” I feebly grabbed at Bucky’s shirt. “Get out of these clothes.” He was looking elsewhere but he shifted to pull off his top. I caught sight of my sleeve and remembered the sounds of wedding bells. My head ringing. Birds flapping to get away. Steve’s eyes on mine and his hand crushing my wrist before his soul stilled and yanked from me like the city had sunk underneath my feet. Like he was suspended to the highest branches of Yggdrasil to swing and play without us. Loki sighed out when he appeared in the doorway to see us both rooted and staring at nothingness while the shower ran.

           “All right,” he rolled up his sleeves and began to undo buttons and zippers. “Clothes off, both of you. You’re in shock. Get under the water.” The world blinked by and I heard Bucky sputter when Loki positioned his face under the rushing spray before I jolted when he lifted me into the tub. “Soap. Use it. There you go, very good.” He turned Bucky around and went to work, washing us with some force to keep this moving. Loki cupped the back of my head and tilted me to let water run down along my hair and face. Blindly, I felt around the tiles while my body moved against Bucky’s and Loki focused me back. “You first, come out.” He wetted his own clothing, arms around my waist to heave me toward him and cover me in a robe. Loki patted down my face and ruffled my hair before wrapping me up and giving me a little push toward the door.

          “Put on the clothing I sat out.” He took charge for me, drying us both and ushering us toward the bed as if we’d become lost children. He brushed our hair and talked to us in soothing tones to pull us out of the swamp. I let him baby me and finally let myself relish it. Loki was digging through his bag of tricks, magic swirled little phials of ingredients together. “You both will drink this and it will put you to sleep for a few hours.” Bucky turned to peer over his shoulder, shifting to put on a pair of loose pants Loki dropped on the couch. “You first. There we are.” Loki pushed at Bucky when he stumbled with drowsiness into our bed. “Sweetheart, come here to me.” Rubbing my neck, I blinked once and crossed to take his hand. Loki was all encouragement and calm waters. “Good. You’re doing so well. Look how relaxed he is. Drink and join him.” Bucky rolled over and magic covered him with a blanket so I let Loki put the potion to my lips and swallowed it down. He tucked me into the bed and I broke with tears when he kissed my cheek. “ _Shhh_.”

           “I just…I miss my friend.” I croaked, mouth trembling and Loki caressed my face.

           “I know you do. Sleep now and avenge him in the morning by going on.”

** ** **

           “Reckoning. Was that not what was promised?” Thanos picked me up by the back of my clothes, dangling me in front of his face. “You have not seen anything yet. Oh, nothing to say?” His other hand wrapped around my collar, crushing. “You had the chance to kill the man who murdered your friend. You wanted it. Yet, you squandered the blessing I granted.”

           “You’re scared.” I gasped for air, gripping at his fingers. “You know you’re so close. But, you know someone else is closer. The weapon you failed to find. What was it?”

           “Riddles.” Thanos exhaled, looking away from me. “What seeks to destroy will set you free.”

           “A race. You. Me. All.” I chuckled, coughing. “You would chain me to that throne like an exotic pet to sit on your lap.”

           “Would you purr for me?” He was amused.

           “I don’t think you know how to make me purr. But, something out there does and you are scared I’ll open up for another before you. All the work you put into me, turned against you. You’re not the biggest thing in this galaxy and now I know that. There are forces mightier and they will close in. This isn't about the stones anymore. This is bigger. Years passed and you groomed others. Daughters. You lost them all. I hear names within you. Nebula.”

            "Silence."

            "Gamora." He almost snapped me in half, forcing me closer to his face. I struck a cord. "So many others. Abused and stolen women who rose above your will. Planets obliterated and families torn apart. They will forget you. They long to see Death take you too. They won't miss you. They found people who loved them out there. Just like I did. They all claw to be rid of you. All that work squandered. Ha. Ironic, no? You're disgusting. You enjoy the ride too much. You get lost along the way in its glow. You just want Death and she's going to throw you in a hole to be lost and you're terrified. No one will remember you and that is the worst of it." I hitched the last piece of air I could get. “You outdated yourself. You took too long.”

           “I thought you enjoyed buildup?”

           “You tried to control me. You failed. You tried to unleash me. You failed. There is no way to go.”

           “I shall have to carve myself a new path. You’ll receive my answer soon enough. Get stronger for me, girl. Sleep well.” Thanos dropped me all the way down until I fell into bed, bouncing up and waking in a sudden leap. It was still dark, the sun threatened to rise just outside. Bucky was asleep on one side of me and Loki was passed out as well on the other. I crawled over him and went into the bathroom to wash my face, freshening up before I put on some loose clothing. The kitchen was dim but I paused when I spotted someone sitting on the balcony, hands clasped together.

           “Sam.” I approached.

           “Got up to run…lost interest.” He replied. “Talked to Fury. He thinks we should just…keep this going. He felt guilty. Thinks he put Steve out there without enough backup. Steve knew what he was getting into. We all did. When I lost Riley…” Sam paused and shook his head. “Steve wouldn’t regret the choices he made. I have to believe that. I have to do the same. We all do if we really want to keep this thing up and running.”

           “There is truth to that.” I leaned on the doorway. “In Asgard, we mourn the lost but we celebrate. Knowing they died in righteous battle and they can feast forever in Valhalla with everyone else they love. Steve Rogers was assassinated so all of the world could watch a symbol die. He died on a set of stairs, surrounded by powerful people who loved him but could not save him. He…He was murdered violently, quickly. In cold blood. By Neo-Nazis. He deserved better. I keep thinking about how we got here. Brought together by unstable circumstances. Steve was forever my friend and I miss him…I’m going to miss him for the rest of my life. My heart will ache. I try to find comfort that perhaps he sees us and I know he would want us to go on too. You said we got to share a miracle... That won’t end because Steve closed his eyes and opened them in another place. He wouldn’t want that for us.”

           “I wouldn’t judge anyone who wanted to walk away.” Sam nodded and I followed.

           “Neither would I. I do hope we keep you. I hope we stay together as best we can.”

           “There’s a good chance I’m not going anywhere,” Sam lifted his lips when I did. “Do I still have a golden soul?”

           “Yes, you do, Sam. You very much do.”

** ** **

           My friends and I shared quiet conversations along the tower in passing. Steve’s bedroom was untouched until Bucky wandered in the second night and burrowed himself in clothes and blankets. The morning of the funeral, Tony and Natasha joined me to get him up. Bucky curled on his side like a stone when Natasha sat on the edge of the bed to rouse him.

           “Bucky,” she touched his shoulder and he cracked his eyes open. “We’re getting ready to go.” He sniffed and pointed to the table covered in papers and pencils. Tony stuffed one hand in his pocket and picked up the pile, going through them.

           “Almost forgot he was an art nerd.” He pressed his lips and cocked his head for me to look over his shoulder. “Sketches. Mostly of us.”

           “We should frame a few.” I smiled to myself and Tony swallowed, carefully setting them down. “Bucky, Tony has a suit ready for you.” I coaxed when he found the will to get up.

           “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “I’ll be down in a few. Thanks.”

           “They want someone to carry his shield during the march,” Natasha swallowed. “Tony suggested you.”

           “He did?” Bucky paused and Tony let himself touch Bucky’s prosthetic shoulder in a heartfelt gesture. “Thank you. But, Sharon should do it.”

           “She’s downstairs,” I fixed my jacket. “I’ll go speak with her.” Silent, I took the stairs until I saw her waiting by the revolving door. Steve’s shield was on the table and I let her have another moment to stare at it.

           “He was quite taken with you,” I shifted my hands into my pockets while she turned, arms crossed.

           “Had some good dates.” She sighed.

           “Bucky wants you to carry the shield and I think he’s right.” I watched her nod.

           “I’ll do it for him and for Steve. Maria and Nick want to talk to you all after this. He wants to discuss the direction of the team. He’s wondering if the Avengers should be disbanded but, I know he doesn’t want that. Crossbones is in prison but Hydra is still out there, I’ll stand against them myself if I have to. But, I’d rather this team stay on my side.”

           “Yes, I agree with you. I thought about it. Disbanding. Steve…his speech has me thinking the opposite.” I stood next to her. “I’m all right with living in a universe of frightened heroes who still push forward.” I looked at her and she quirked her lips up.

           “Steve being gone, it doesn’t get to end this. He’d pull his hair out wherever he is if it did. _I miss him._ ” Sharon caught her breath.

           “Steve Rogers will live forever in our hearts,” I picked up his shield. “But, his dream…this legacy. Someone has to pick up the shield for him and give us a leader to follow. The Avengers needs its Captain.” Sharon took it from me and agreed. “Nick will want us to decide that, won’t he?”

           “It’s what Steve would have wanted.”

** ** **

           The funeral was massive. Streets were closed down. Mortals took to a podium and talked about Steve Rogers. His legacy. Many who either knew him or thought they did shared words. Then, we marched all dressed in black through the streets. Flags sailed behind us and pipes boomed music that echoed through the city. Armed guards framed us to pay their respects. Legacies of men and women Steve fought with seventy years ago flocked to watch. The team carried Steve’s coffin, covered in a flag to the hearse before we started through the streets for miles. Roses scattered the ground and I looped my arm into Loki’s in his cover as Ava for comfort. Many superheroes marched in costume. Spider-Man was among them with many inspired young supers. They lowered Steve into the ground and I dropped a rose in his wake with the team following.

            Steve Rogers. Captain America. Mighty Avenger. Beloved friend. My world found an aching stillness on days without him.

** ** **

           Bruce pulled out a chair for me in the lab hours later. The team was there with Janet and Hank joining us. Maria, Nick, and Sharon stayed on behalf of Shield. Fury was the first to stand, sighing out as he did.

           “We went into this knowing the risk. Steve knew. Right now, if any of you see fit to walk away. You can. But, I don’t think anyone here really wants to. It’s an option.” When no one moved, he stood taller. “We all had a dream for what this team might be. What it’d look like. Whether that dream is real, it doesn’t matter. We lost…a leader and a friend. One who won’t ever be replaced. But, Tony and Sharon agreed that the world needs Captain America. It was Steve’s dying wish to at least keep that going. Jane Foster has taken up the mantle as Thor. She’s part of the team. Thor might consider a new weapon.” When Thor smiled, something brightened around the room just a touch.

           “I can use any weapon put in my hands. Loki and I have plans to forge an axe.” Thor touched his brother’s shoulder. Tony picked up Steve’s shield and pressed his lips, brow furrowing.

           “My father created this. But, Steve Rogers earned it. He gave it power. Made it a beacon of hope.” He set it on the table so we all could see it. “Someone here has to leave the room with it. Someone here has to pick up the symbol and be seen. I think that person is Bucky Barnes. I do. Steve wants a new life for you. He wants you to go on. I want you to go on because you're a good person and a great friend... I think you could do this. ”

           “I thought about it. I really did,” Bucky closed his eyes, leaning forward.

           “He pointed to you.” Clint offered.

           “I know. I know.” Bucky looked up. “I thought Captain America could erase the Winter Soldier. But, I cannot accept it. I’m not ready to be Captain America. Steve and I…we’re not from this time. I can be a part of this world but it is not my time anymore. It wasn’t Steve’s either in a way. I want to find hope again, for him. For you guys. I want a place in this world. But, I’m going to do it as Bucky Barnes. Just Bucky Barnes. That’s all I ever want to be. If that frustrates Steve, you know, he’s used to it from me. I owe him.” Bucky sniffed and pressed his lips tight. “Captain America needs to be someone from this time. Someone rooted and ready to be bigger than themselves. Bigger than all of us. Someone with a bright heart who will inspire people who need it most, even now. So, I think it should be Sam.”

           “Me? I haven’t been in this from the start.” Sam looked around and Natasha sat up.

           “Steve saw something in you, the way he saw something great in all of us. Even if we didn’t see it ourselves.” She looked down and back up. “Steve trusted you and I think he’d trust you with that shield without a thought. You have the training. You know how this works. She can’t stop ogling your soul.” Natasha nudged me with her elbow and chuckles roused.

           “True.” I nodded. “People will look up to you Sam. People will follow you. This world is ready to see you as our Captain.”

           “Steve Rogers believed in his heart that when all the chips are place, his country will do what’s right.” Sam stood up. “Me? In my heart, I can only  _hope_  it will.”

           “I think that’s enough.” Sharon voiced, standing taller. “Do you?”

           “I know you prefer fancier Wakanda tech to simple Stark tech, but you pick up this shield and you won’t put in down. Pick it up, Sam.” Tony gestured. “We’re all betting on you. Steve would.” Sam looked to Bucky and earned a look of encouragement followed by a nod. “Whip these guys into shape and I’ll make us look like rock stars again. Thor might help with that now that Jane is swinging the hammer. Mentors. Warriors. Agents. Fighting together.”

           “I have a few ideas.” Thor agreed.

           “I’ll pick up the shield for Steve and all of you. Because it’s the right thing. But, I can’t lead alone.” Sam exhaled and lifted up the shield, fitting his arm into the straps. His fingers curled and he closed his eyes to remember the moment. “I got this for you, buddy.”

           “I’d like to add that Janet Van Dyne’s strong suite it strategy.” Jane spoke up and we peered at her.

           “You have a clear soul. Goals that blaze. You think quickly under fire. That day we fought together. I agree with Jane.” I added and Janet was beckoned to stand.

           “I just want to fight for this team. For the people out there hurting. Hank and I are ready for anything to come. We're ready to be Avengers.” She crossed her arms.

           “Janet, you should take a leadership role.” Maria agreed. “We’re all guiding each other at this point but we need level voices able to speak out orders and whatnot when things go from bad to worse. You and Sam can be those voices. We all agreed?” Nods followed and Tony cocked his head.

           “Here we have it. The Avengers don’t need to be disbanded or rebuilt. Just rearranged. Little TLC. Some old faces and new. Not a bad mix.” Tony crossed his arms. “Revamp the look and I think we’ll have it.”

           “We get Shield back into the sky, the right way; we can keep this going.” Nick Fury clasped his hands behind his back.

           “As for the Avengers. We train.” Sam inhaled sharply. “We start now.”

           Little miracles followed after these moments when we stood together and made the choice to continue on as a family.

           Shield extended lines of communication to other supers and the X-Men.

           Thor took Jane’s hand in his, to train her with all he knew so that she could carry Mjolnir on in her own name.

           Loki disappeared one night and returned with a mighty battleaxe wrapped in a gold shroud. It was the first Thor smiled so full and bright since he returned to us.

           Tony dumped out every drop of alcohol in Avengers Tower and got surgery to remove the existing shrapnel and arc reactor from his chest.

           Some of us left the Tower certain days to heal in our own home. I laid in bed with Loki and Naaki. Once or twice, we invited Bucky over and he responded positively to that. Tony spent some time out at his own house with Pepper. Natasha went to Russia to see her parent’s graves and returned again. Thor didn’t go to Asgard. He joined Jane in a lab, contented still as a mentor.

           Pepper and Rhodey stayed with Tony during late nights while he persevered and built suits. While he redesigned the Avengers and turned Steve’s room into a place of remembrance; fitting the walls with his art and suit. We traveled to the museum once as a family and watched the world remember our friend.

           Clint left the warriors to join the agents, taking on an active role at Shield to stand with Maria and Sharon while they got back into the sky.

           Bucky Barnes helped Shield as well some nights but he stayed close to the tower. I watched him engage with Tony more often without fear. As a friend.

           Natasha joined Sam and Janet in building up the team from old embers. She was fierce and it came naturally.

           Peter and Mary Jane graduated with a willingness to join this terrifying world at full force. We held a party as one and Tony placed Aunt May and Peter into a safer house afterwards. Spider-Man would always be there to help struggling teenage superhumans who needed a shoulder.

           A monument was built in Brooklyn for a brave kid who never backed down from a fight.

           Sam reached out to his allies and they built Bucky a new arm without the memories of violence so close to his heart. Bucky Barnes would make his place.

           And I…I merely observed this all from early morning coffee with Sharon and Jane to late nights in the lab with Bruce, Janet, Tony, and Hank. My soul was open. Ready for others to touch it when allowed. My friends were my source of strength and I offered the same in full. Frequently, I called Jean Grey for sage advice and joined Loki for tea outside the Tower where he could relax and hold my hand again. Where we owned up to things said and unsaid. Where we continued to heal.

           We picked up ourselves and this city. We cleaned up the messes we made. We accepted that some things are not in our hands. We endured.

           “It’s a bright, new day,” I mused, crossing my arms when Jane shifted to my side.

           “A perfect day to train.” She added as we looked out at the city from the helipad.

           “You’re really sounding more like an Asgardian.” I grinned at her and she laughed, shrugging.

           “So much to be done.” The team was gathering from different rooms or vehicles behind us. Sam landed, wings folding and Tony allowed his Iron Man mask to shift back. Sam’s new Falcon suit was outfitted with Steve’s designs along his body.

           “You like the new suit?”

           “Getting used to it.” He stood above us on the balcony.

           “You love it, Wilson.” Tony cocked his head and Janet flew up to join him.

           “I don’t want anyone holding back today!” She’d called and we all beamed at that.

           “Tony, you and Pepper have that scholarship talk at NYU. Don’t be late, every kid in town will be there.” Mary Jane flickered her fingers over a tablet and tossed him a bottle of water.

           “Have Happy bring the car around when it’s time. You think I need a tie?”

           “Suit is waiting in your room. Sign this before you go.” She held the pad out and he scribbled his name. M.J. spun on her heel and went inside, busying away with her work. Loki came up the stairs as we waited for everyone else, kissing me once.

           “Italian tonight or sushi?”

           “Sushi, there’s a new place two streets over. Wear something nice.” I winked.

           “Thor will be along with Peter soon, I caught them in conversation downstairs.” Loki rolled up his sleeves. “I might play in the lab while Banner and Van Dyne are up here. You’d think Shield would be able to find someone better than I at locating the unsavory things. Ah, well. Don’t be late to dinner.”

           “I won’t.” I watched Loki go and lifted my lips, inhaling the fresh air around me while the sun touched my skin to warm it.

           “Guys,” Sam called, “we’re going to do what we did yesterday. Practice makes perfect and all.”

           “We’re not only anticipating the bad guy’s next move. We have to anticipate each other’s.” Janet nodded and Sam smiled at her. Peter landed in costume above them, slinging down to the floor. Hank put on his helmet, clicking it into place when Tony flew down to join him. Janet’s wings spread from her back. Thor jumped up from a ledge, cape billowing and relaxing around his shoulders. “You ready?”

           “Avengers!” Sam beckoned and Natasha appeared behind him in a new suit, the widow bites on her wrists lit up. She touched the railing and cocked her head, Tony’s mask slipped down into place when she opened her mouth to give the final command. Jane lifted Mjolnir and I raised up from the Earth in a flutter of iridescent sunset lights. Decay and rebirth flooded the sea. Lure and hook. We would cast our sails up to charge forth into open waters.

           “ _Assemble_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's rare that I cry when I'm writing! I think back to when I'd written this and I tried so hard to jump around because I knew I was going to do it the moment I started writing my Winter Soldier prompt. Oh, I sobbed. Twice actually when I wrote this. First when wrote the "You" moment between Steve and Tony during the dream because that even hit me hard. And when...I did you know what. That was so difficult. Thanks readers for being with me while I post this, I appreciate it so so so much. I'm certain many of y'all have strong words for me after certain things :D Please leave them below!


	38. Blood in the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes as the revamped Avengers work to keep the city safe with other supers and mutants. The Lady and Loki encounter a lost soul ready to come home while her powers start to reach their new heights at last at the beckoning of another. Loki worries these changes are doing more harm than not while they try to play domestic again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for graphic imagery/gore. Lots of domestic Lady/Loki to balance that, (!!??)

           “Late nights, right?” I yawned and crossed my arms, idly kicking the man behind me off the building. Web slings shot out and ensnared him in front of the police station. Spider-Man flipped over the roof and landed next to Jane.

           “Did you know I’d catch him?” He tilted his head.

           “You never fail me,” I shrugged. Something genuine filled him. Peter felt he'd failed countless others. Jane touched her earpiece.

           “We got Vulture and Mysterio, Janet. These villain names, I swear. That part of the job is something I’ll never get used to.” She alerted and I peered up at the moon before checking the time.

           “Good work,” Janet responded. “Hey, we don’t pick the names. Blame the Daily Bugle. New Yorkers are also theatrical, you know?”

           “Almost forgot, say cheese,” Peter struck a pose and his camera mounted on a metal post snapped his picture. “Two jobs in one night, I’m magic. Now I get to keep my day job.” He climbed up to grab it and slipped down as I chuckled at him.

           “You have winter quarter classes going, pace yourself.” I set my hands on my hips.

           “Pacing commencing. I have a date soon and so do you.” He replied.

           “I’m going to be late for mine if I don’t leave now to get ready.” I fluffed my hair.

           “We picked up Electro and Rhino,  _gah!_ …Wasn’t easy.” Tony snorted. “Fantastic Four got other loose ends.”

           “Good night guys. And we have time for a little dinner and dancing,” Sam joked in my ear and I smiled, cocking my head.

           “I’ll head off then if you don’t mind.” I slipped past Peter and dropped my earpiece in Jane’s hand. “Training tomorrow, Jane. Avengers Tower. Do not forget.”

           “Yes, Thor won’t let me forget,” she smiled at me, shrugging with Mjolnir’s strap hanging from her wrist. “Isn’t Mary Jane busy with Pepper today? Who is the date with?” She turned to Peter.

           “Movie night…with my Aunt, I have to go too.” Peter waved when I got on the ledge.

           “Tony told us to tell you to enjoy your time with the snow cone.” Jane pressed her lips.

           “Thank you, Tony. Appreciated,” I responded flatly, a little louder, and Peter laughed behind me.

           “See you later!” He called when I saluted and let myself tumble over the edge to swoop down. Slipping around buildings and up, I landed along our window and clicked it open to get inside.

           “You’re early!” Loki called from the kitchen while I tumbled into bed trying to wiggle out of my boots and clothing.

           “Really?” I glanced at the clock. “I was scared I’d be late, wow. I am early. I’m just…” I tripped over a chest in front of the bed and giggled while I fussed and let magic turn on the water and undress me. “I’m hopping into the shower, I’ll be ready in a moment.”

           “Take your time,” Loki offered distantly and I instead hurried myself along, drying after my skin was scrubbed so I could let magic redress me as I got ready in the mirror. My dress tied up at my side and I twisted my date night lingerie, smoothing my hands down my hips to admire myself while I turned.

           “I just don’t want to make us late for…” I opened the door and saw candles flickering from the hallway. “Loki?”

           “I figured you would enjoy a night in and you’re spoiling the surprise,” Loki poked his head out of the kitchen and I touched my lips when Naaki rustled with something before coming out from around another corner, tugging along a bouquet of roses. “You!” He hurried to pick them up from her and she licked her chops at him in response, meowing loud.

           “Are…those for me?”

           “Nonsense, they are for Naaki.” He turned back, shoulders dropping. When I smiled warmly, Loki brightened and came to offer them. “I’m making dinner and dessert tonight.” He kissed my lips once and took my hand to lead me out into the kitchen. Candles lit the apartment and my smile hadn’t ended when he pulled out a stool at the island and allowed me to sit before shifting to put the flowers in water. “Did you catch them all?”

           “Took some…convincing.” I shrugged. “Caught a few. Been a rough couple of months but worth it. Sam’s really stepped into his own and Janet’s voice is powerful.” I watched Loki fix his rolled up sleeves while he turned to stir something in a steaming pot on the stove. My chin came to rest on my hand when I propped my arm up, watching him for a moment with my heart all a flutter. “What are you making?” I smelled the air and sighed out.

           “After we officially began a relationship,” Loki turned back to face me and let magic set the table when he leaned over the counter toward me, “I took you to a dinner the next night, far off grounds where we could speak in peace and…I’ll admit I was frightened because at the time…I didn’t know how my parents would react and I didn’t want rumors spreading before we could be open. Foolish because I wanted to rush about the palace telling everyone in it.” Loki got me to laugh and I turned my gaze away to my hands. “We shared a delicious gourmet meal that I requested because I honestly wanted to impress you but…to be perfectly clear, I spent a lot of my time attempting to impress you.”

           “Oh?” I feigned a gasp and touched my heart. “No.” Loki made a thing of it to take my hands, dropping his forehead against them while he replied in jest.

           “Yes, _my darling_ , I was indeed making attempts to flirt with and woo you long before our courting. I know this might come as a shock.”

           “Loki…I’m in awe…I’m beguiled. Bewildered. I simply would have never known. Your mysterious wit and charms. It seems I’ve fallen for them.” I touched my head and tipped back, causing him to break with amusement.

           “And it only took a few thousand years,” he shrugged, kissing my cheek before he resumed his work at the stove. “Recall what I ordered for us?”

           “Braised lamb.” I lifted a finger, propping my elbow on the counter still while I crossed my legs to relax. “There was a side of potatoes with some divine spices on them. Glazed, tender carrots. Red wine of your choosing. For dessert, a simple chocolate cake that melted on my tongue with…was it raspberries on top?”

           “Indeed,” Loki nodded, pulling steaming and sizzling dishes out. He put on a show, setting up the plates and I started to get up to fetch the wine. “Ah, sit. Allow me.” He snapped his fingers and I covered my lips when Naaki got up to smell the lamb before he picked her up. “You’ve done enough tonight, go to the television.” Loki petted her when he passed and dropped her on the couch. She obliged and curled up. A movie was playing on low volume before Loki turned up some music.

           “My prince, forever impressing me,” I clasped my hands and he spoiled me; pouring wine and kissing my head while my feet swung in idle motions, heels slipping off.

           “Yes, well, mother and father did well to ensure that Thor and I had actual life skills beyond politics and battle. Cooking, survival, and art.”

           “Those in our world certainly had plenty of time. And you use them to woo me so,” I lifted my glass, shrugging. “This is lovely.”

           “I thought you might enjoy it,” he clicked his glass to mine. “Eat. Tell me about your night.”

           “The technology and wit Janet and Hank brought to the team is…unlike anything. We miss Clint on missions but he appears with Rhodes from time to time. Natasha resumed a therapeutic way of training with Bucky. We can’t pin this Baron Strucker to a corner with the chaos now. He hides well. Jubilee and her friends contacted me. Xavier’s team is withholding from the children, for good reason, Stryker is…about. They all sense it. I shouldn’t…” I changed the subject. “We’re all doing what we can while we can. You should see Jane as well, she practically glows. The months pass so quick.”

           “So Thor tells me.  _Constantly_.” Loki quirked his brow while we dined between long, sweet pauses.

           “Peter worries so about Harry.” I looked up and he met my gaze.

           “You do as well. Shield lost him,” Loki cut into his food while I ate, savoring the flavors. “Do they know about  _it_  yet? Your budding quirks.” I paused mid bite but swallowed and continued.

           “It isn’t easy news to share. I barely touched the surface with you. Though, you took it well. I think it intrigued you. Most things do.”

           “Hello fellow Avengers, did you know my powers are developing beyond me and now it’s possible to influence from a distance more so than I could before?” Loki said in my voice and I took a long drink of wine. “Good evening, my friends, by the way…I can control minds.”

           “It’s complicated. Draining. One cup empties, another is filled. We knew my influence spread but, not to what end.”

           “Show me how.” Loki shrugged, cutting into his food again. “I consent.”

           “ _Com-pli-cated_.” I sounded out, enjoying my dinner still in casual bites. “This curiosity you have in place of fear worries me, just a bit.”

           “Nerien is laughing at us.” Loki pressed his lips before sipping from his glass. “You need to practice on someone and I’ve let you use me time and again. Just like when I taught you things in Asgard. I demonstrated on you and you on me. It serves a purpose for me as well. I get to study you closer than any other.”

           “Am I a thing to be studied, Loki?”

           “You hide. That curiosity grows. It will overcome you instead and no one, not even I, can stop you. So, we open you up. See what sounds manifest from your strings. You trust me to pluck them and so I do.”

           “You’d like to be the only one to pluck them.” My tone was calculated and calm. “The lamb is delicious.” I closed my lips around my fork and inhaled.

           “I am glad you like it. As for your strings, I am not the only one and I am aware of that.”

           “I should have told you sooner.” I sighed. “I was not sure. Not until…that day in the tower. And then Cerebro. I felt things.”

           “You wish to study and fine tune your own skills. We are instructor and student again. Demonstrate and finish your food so I can serve your dessert.” Loki reached for the glass of wine and his breath hitched. His brow furrowed and I stared intently, head tilting. Green eyes fluttered with sparkles of gold glitter and my hands shifted into my lap, fingers contorting with invisible strings wrapping from his every joint and back to my grasp. He watched my eyes change and didn’t blink.

            _Loki?_

_I feel you. Inside._

_I am here._  I felt myself fatigue and my spine arched. Loki was utterly blank like I’d pressed my hands along his shoulders to push him underwater. He wasn’t struggling.

            _Good girl._  He’d coaxed.  _Impress me._

            _Wine_. I beckoned and Loki jerked up, slowing at my fingers twitching. Shaken, he poured a glass and inwardly laughed.

            _You think that’s impressive?_  He prodded back and my intent eyes shifted from his to the silver by my plate. I watched Loki’s blank eyes while he numbly picked up the knife and pressed it to my neck before…  _Wait!_ He gasped and gulped for air, dropping it in a clatter.

           “Working a soul into going against their own nature?” Loki scoffed and sexual pleasure billowed down his form. I watched the colors bloom and we both inhaled. “Now that is impressive.”

           “That is ugly.” I felt him touch my chin, bringing it up so that I would meet his eyes.

           “Sorcery wasn’t meant to be all beautiful. This I’ve learned. You will practice again on me. Tomorrow perhaps. Only because I allow it. I see your eyes lingering in wonder too often for this to go ignored, sweetheart. You need to practice these skills, even the dangerous ones. You need to know how they work and you must keep this trust in yourself that I’ve touched. If you fear them…you know what happens. You’ve seen it in both of us. Such is the way of knowledge and power.” I would remember these words down the line. He kissed me sweetly and felt hungry but turned to ready dessert while I finished my plate. Naaki curled up in the window and delicate music swelled into the air around me.

           “Will you dance with me tonight?” I asked while he set a small plate next to me and removed my eaten dinner. “It seems like a good night for it.”

           “Oh, yes.” Loki’s lips spread and I lifted mine as we connected.

           “Can I ask you something?” I leaned forward when he’d turned, pausing mid step to peer back. “When I let you into my head, do you know where I end and the mind stone…these abilities, I…? Do you know where I end and they begin?”

           “Do you?” Loki picked up his fork. “Do you feel them perched behind your heart or have they effectively pumped all over your body? When a throat is cut open, it’s the heart that does all the work to empty blood from flesh. The synapses of the brain connect with messages of utter fear and woe. Your heart and brain are working, harder than they should, but it no longer separates you from these forces. Your brain still tries. Perhaps, both are correct.” I stabbed my fork into a raspberry and watched chocolate gush under it. Bringing it to my mouth, I glanced at Loki’s eyes and slid the fruit between my lips and along my tongue. A slight hum vibrated my chest as it lifted and sunk once.

           “Yes.” I paused. “I feel those forces especially when that pumping slows. And when it stops. That first beat of silence when a soul leaves a body. I feel myself illuminate.”

           “Would you eat my heart if truly given the chance?” Loki was lax. “How do you think my souls tastes?”

           “Loki…” I sighed, lips pressing. “If I recall, I ate your heart after this same meal many years ago.”

           “Ah, I suppose so. You told me when we fought that you would keep devouring it forever. Again and again… I hope that you never stop,” he smiled again, more to himself while I drank my wine and enjoyed dessert. “Come around the table.” My body grew taut and straight when I stood, pacing to come to his side. Loki patted his lips on a napkin and the music turned up as he swiveled to face me. Hands took my hips to beckon me forward until his legs opened. “When do I get to eat your heart?  _Hm?”_ Loki’s breath hitched and he untied my dress, letting it slip down my arms so his hands could smooth over skin and fancy lace. “This day? The next?” He took his time, drumming his fingers over the stiff corset piece and down the garters, snapping one.

           “If I allow you to eat my heart, this perception. The one we both built. It will all crumble. We’ll drown. Holding hands I bet.”

           “ _Precisely_.” Loki’s mouth fell against my lingerie, his eyes closed to inhale amber perfume before he drew lower.

           “I thought you were going to dance with me,” I tilted my head back, hands on his shoulders when he kissed my hip and sighed out. Loki tugged one of the cups of my bra down, sliding a finger dipped in chocolate over my skin before he leaned up to lick it off.

           “I’ll make that up to you,” he murmured, standing to pick me up from the floor and steal a kiss as he stumbled forward with me. “You never fully answered my question.”

           “I’ll make that up to you…” I sighed when his lips ravished my neck before I got my legs around his hips, clinging so he could take me into the bedroom. Loki had to come forward with me and hover on the bed while I locked my legs along him, opening his shirt to press kisses all over his skin. Silken pitch black hair fell over his shoulder and I ran my fingers into it, smiling while he caressed me. “There is something you can do.” My lips pressed so he leaned up as moonlight stretched into the room.

           “That?” Loki braced himself on his hands and I touched my fingers to my lips, shoulders lifting when I nodded.

           “You won’t hurt me. We’ve done it before.” I watched him huff, debating it with crisp amusement when he peered away and back at me. “Please?” I rolled him over, sliding down to open his pants and pull them off.

           “I’m considering it.” Loki feigned an aloof look so I undressed him. “You’re probably the only Asgardian in this universe who’d ask for that, you know?”

           “Loki,” I whined out with a pout, tugging his shirt off so I could run my hands along his skin and dip low to close my mouth around his shaft.

           “ _Oh_ …you’ve gotten good at… _ah_ , persuasion.” Loki licked his lips when I came up before he turned us over, slipping between my legs. Still, I reached down to stoke him in a nonchalant motion. “ _Fine_.” Smiling big before he pressed a quick kiss to my lips, I watched him sit up and propped myself up on my elbows. Sighing, Loki looked away and closed his eyes before opening them and leaning over to brace his hands near mine. His body changed before my gaze, blue skin crawled along embossed lines and I touched his jaw with my fingertips, letting my thumb run along his bottom lip. Kissing him, I nipped and felt him sigh against me while I pulled him down to the bed. Ice crept over the window in crystalline fractals and I opened my eyes, giggling as I fell against the sheets.

           “You did this last time I got you to shift in here.”

           “I cannot help it sometimes,” Loki was amused again, hovering over me while he touched my body more carefully. I could see my breath as my chest rose and fell before flurries of snow tumbled down and Loki huffed, forehead tipping to my chest. I laughed and smoothed his hair between my fingers. “You’re teasing.”

           “Enjoying it.” I replied so he turned me over on my stomach, kissing along my shoulder and neck. Loki’s palm ran up my spine and fingers curled into my hair, angling my head back while he massaged and kissed me. I breathed in the moment and my fingers curled into the bed when I lost my air and didn’t get it back.

            Brightening eyes opened and the walls melted but, my lungs stilled. I saw the lights of thousands of souls bloom beyond the room. The air around them swirled into the vacuum of endless space and my mouth opened to try to speak. A hand reached out toward me with force. I watched the souls grow brighter until my eyes hurt and they flashed like violent paparazzi until my joints began to spasm. The souls screamed and reached out to swallow me in light.

           One second Loki was holding me, the next I woke on the floor with my head pounding to pieces. Sore and shaken, I felt sweat slick my hairline and finally inhaled to breathe air that I’d lost.  _What happened?_  Loki was stuffing a bunched up coat under my head and talking too quickly for me to follow. My hands lifted to grasp for him so he cupped my face and tried to calm me.  _What happened to me?_  My mouth formed words that slurred and jumbled; I kept repeating myself until the sounds locked together.

            “Wha…What hap...happened?”

           “Shh, lie back.” Loki had covered himself, his cold skin faded pale and my fingers opened and closed, hands flapping and shaking out before my arms fell upon the floor. The tile was cool under my flesh and cracked under my skull. Stunned while Loki made a phone call, I squirmed and kept rambling on without hearing him.

           “The sun. It came to kill me. I stared at it too long.” I tried to turn over but Loki’s hand wrapped around my arm. Dazed, I slipped back along the floor to see him press end on a call.

           “Open your mouth, chew these and drink water.” Loki was uncorking a little bottle from his endless supplies and I tasted citrusy petals from Asgard. He turned me on my side and put a straw to my lips to get me to drink the cold water before I coughed and swallowed. I felt my body grow numb then mellow out in an instant. “Can you hear me?” He eased.

           “ _What_ …?” My mouth opened to drone and closed, eyes heavy and darting around before he picked me up and put me on the couch.

           “You don’t remember.” Loki realized, chest sinking. “We…We were in bed. You went rigid and began to shake…I thought that I… Gods, you about tossed me across the room and shot up to run but you…you were convulsing. You had a seizure. I’ve never seen…” He lifted me and put a baggy, red shirt over my lingerie that slipped from one shoulder. The muscles in my shoulders and hips throbbed to my fingers and toes. “Breathe evenly and stay awake, I called for assistance.”

           “I saw…” I scrambled up with jelly limbs as Loki got a silken robe around my body, helping me up to sit at the kitchen island. “I saw them.” I touched my head and Loki’s hand was under my jaw, angling so I’d focus on his eyes.

           “Smile.” He asked so I lifted twitching lips in an empty fashion before he exhaled, encouraged. “There’s my girl.”

           “Did you see the lights?” I croaked and Loki's face pinched in question. Behind him, Asgardian herbs steamed into hot water. “Was I asleep? Did Thanos grab me again?”

           “You were wide awake.” Loki frowned and touched my forehead. “You were hallucinating. You’re burning up and yet chilled and shaken. Like a mortal.” I lowered my eyes and peered elsewhere when he turned to prepare the tea in a large mug, spooning some sugar in to help the taste for me.

           “I am sorry.” I curled my fingers into my lap. “We were having a good night.”

           “Don’t apologize,” Loki cupped my head and kissed my brow, lingering. “I’m with you, I consider that in itself a good night… Sweetheart, we have to find treatments for this. Thanos and these abilities, they could damage your brain in the long term with these effects. Something is missing. Something that Thanos knows.”

           “Maybe they already have...damaged. Sometimes I wonder if Asgardian treatments are really more advanced than Midgardian ones.” I paused. “Who did you call? I feel static in the souls approaching.” Loki watched me pause and close my eyes. “Bruce. Jane. Thor. Oh…Hank as well.”

           “I called Thor and he was with them.” Loki sighed. “I told him to bring Banner if he must. Drink the tea.” I watched him turn when there was a knock at the door. Lifting the mug, I listened to him whisper about me in hushed and worried tones before footsteps rounded the men and Jane poked her head in.

          "Long time no see." She joked first.

           “Some date I am.” I mused and she approached me.

           “Are you feeling any better?” Jane came to sit down, facing me and I shrugged and touched my head. The heat from the fever instead cooled lower than I liked.

           “I’m awake and delusional. Loki tells me I had a seizure but I don’t remember. Hard to get into bed with a panicked girl, especially if you think she might start convulsing under the covers. I just wanted one night without Thanos prodding my brain.” Jane touched my shoulder and I looked up at her.

           “It’ll be alright.”

           “I wasted my good lingerie,” I pulled my robe and shirt from one shoulder fully and she managed a smile that was heartfelt.

           “It is cute.”

           “Thank you… I don’t get it. I was fine hours ago. I was…brighter. I saw the souls flash like cameras and woke up on the floor…I don’t know what’s happening to me any longer.”

           “Do…Asgardians get seizures? Mortal illnesses.”

           “We can experience fevers and delusions. Usually from battle or poison in our world.” I shrugged, drinking again. “We don’t have cancer. Common colds.”

           “Mental illness.”

           “We have that I’ve realized. We just pretend we don’t. Gods aren’t supposed to be slaves to their own minds in the eye of men. We might medicate them without a diagnosis. We might not know or believe we have them. I knew my mind was sick when I was young, but I was told to pretend nothing bothered me. To push it aside. So I built armor around it and smothered it until it grew upset and lashed back.”

           “Do you think mortal medication in higher doses could treat you or balance you out?” Jane wondered and I shrugged, we both looked up when Loki entered with Thor, Bruce, and Hank.

           “I smell that tea mother used to make us drink in the healing room,” Thor approached me with a gentle awkwardness that stuck with him still after that day on the beach. Months had gone and his hair worked to grow itself back out where those two strips had been sheared. He hid it well with braids now. I tried to hang back and wait for him and Loki to speak of it but this conversation had not played out. He put his hand on the counter and instead waited for me to reach out and touch it. “She’d add sugar cubes to sweeten the bitter taste.”

           “Since these attacks from Thanos, I’ve kept record in a journal of them.” Loki opened a drawer and Bruce set a medical bag on the counter.

           “I’d like to see it and mark it down for the records in Stark Tower.” Jane stood up, touching my back before she cocked her head. “Thor.” He pulled a pad out of his bag and flipped it on so Bruce took her seat with Hank on my other side. Loki led Jane and Thor into another room.

           “Hey,” Bruce dug into his bag, peering at me from behind his glasses.

           “Hey.” His presence calmed me in the slightest.

           “You mind if we look you over while they’re in the other room?” Hank set his own pad down with his things and I sighed.

           “Probably best. Loki’s a knot of nerves.” I pressed my mouth into a line and licked my lips. “I ruined date night.”

           “We’ve all been there,” Bruce tried to be light. “If it helps, I Hulk’d out a number of times in front of Betty. Wasn’t expecting that call back.”

           “You should call her.” Hank sounded like he’d suggested this before.

           “Ross would have me killed. If I could be.” Bruce fixed his glasses and touched my throat to position my head before he carefully shined a light into my eyes. “Loki said you had a seizure.”

           “Wasn’t aware Asgardians could actually experience them with such force.” I let Hank check my blood pressure. “You have a peculiar soul, Hank. It even smells different. Heated like smoke from a candle.”

           “Does it?” Hank lifted the corner of his mouth while Bruce fussed about with me. He pumped the device around my arm and furrowed his brow. “Blood pressure is low…dangerously low? How’s your diet?”

           “Eating well. Always thirsty.” I cocked my head at Hank while his eyes lowered to watch what he was doing on the tech pad in his hand. “Janet’s soul is like a sparkler. I watched fireworks rain down over the New Year. Young mortals light those sticks to watch them fizzle about. They looked like fun.” I drank the rest of my tea and Hank beamed a little. “Your soul flies high some days and sinks into sand other days. But, on a grander scale.” Bruce paused next to me and Hank looked up then back down before he replied.

           “I have bipolar disorder. Funny, you could smell it.”

           “I smelled the cancer and treatment Jane recovered from. I smelled the disease rotting Harry Osborn’s insides. I can smell the Hulk in Bruce’s blood like rain on the wind. What you have is mental and therefore in your soul so I still sense it the way I sense various PTSD levels in our other teammates… Asgardian.” I reminded and rubbed my arm while I brought my leg up to cross them, exposing the garter and Bruce cleared his throat when his heart picked up. Playful, I smirked at his expression. “I saw that as well… My senses are more so acute than others when I am at my best. Sight. Smell. Touch. Taste. All of those senses read souls now. Forgive me, I’ve caused discomfort. I do that.”

           “No, I…” Hank peered up at Bruce while he took down notes on his computer before he paused and nodded, getting up with it to go into the room Loki had disappeared into. “Are you familiar with mortal mental illness?”

           “I am. Sad and complicated history. I told Jane that Asgard doesn’t exactly…treat them aggressively. Perhaps our society still does not understand that even we can suffer in such a…seemingly human way. Mortals are flawed to us and yet, we are not different. Mental illness existed in Asgardians for thousands of years, it just is not addressed in a way that is right for us. Gods are perfect and all. How silly. We suffer more for that lack of recognition. You understand.”

           “Yes.” Hank paused, shifting his things around. “It isn’t addressed in many Asian households either.”

           “I am sorry, Hank.”

           “We all could do better. But, it is what it is now. Years of trial and error. Medication finally helps. Janet always seems to know what to do even if she’s just…telling herself that. She’s always been stronger than I that way. I love her and look up to her. Therapy and doctors…they can tell you they know better. That they know what’s right. Really all they’re telling you is that you’re wrong.” He turned more to face me as my chest sunk and lifted. “Would you or Loki be open to letting me explore Asgardian medicines? Maybe Asgardian and mortal medicine can come together and make you something. I’ll see what Janet and Tony have to say back at the tower when we bring these charts in. Also, during training periods, you can talk to one of us. Might help.”

           “I’d like that, thank you. You're very strong too. Don't forget.” My entire body was numb and sinking. I touched his hand and stood up when Bruce appeared to join him again. I came to the doorway to see Loki’s journal, bulky with multicolored notes taped upon filled pages. “You kept such an extensive record of me. Like a love letter to my brain.” I sucked on my bottom lip and clicked my tongue. “Occasionally you’d write them in Asgard. Do you remember? I kept them all pressed into books with the flowers they came with.” Loki’s cheeks tinted with a rare bashful show in front of Thor and Jane. I felt myself unravel.  _Help me._ _Loki, see me and help me._  Cogs rusted and scraped together in my brain while Thanos curled his fingers around the stem, weaving down into my spine. I felt myself snap and I was gone but no one noticed. No one but me. Beautiful me. Terrifying me. Soaring high and far from here. I wanted to giggle, but I smiled with the force of an atomic bomb; my cheeks could have split open.

           “Banner says he has what he needs short of a blood sample. We should...consider providing. Things have changed. They’ll go back to Avengers Tower,” Loki blinked, standing up. They weren’t watching me. Not really. Thanos had taken my hand and whispered into my ear, vying for treats I tried to refuse him.

           “Blood. Of course. I’d like to go wash my face,” I dropped my arms and passed them to pace deliberately into the bathroom. I turned both faucets on and shed the pajamas to put a casual sweater and leggings on over my underwear. I heard them talking outside and dug through the cabinets to see Asgardians supplies and things I’d stolen from hospitals.  _Open_. Thanos uttered. Pulling out a needle and tubing, I slipped on rubber gloves and sat down to prepare my arm.  The needle pricked so blood flowed into a bottle, dark and lush.  _Good. Very good. Almost over. Spill it for me._  Filling a second one, I hissed and wrapped the area, untying the tourniquet. I labeled the first phial with my name and a heart to Bruce and set it on the sink before I washed my face and opened the bathroom window to escape outside.  _No. Come back. Stupid girl._  

           Rain was trickling down, wetting my clothing and hair under the cover of night. Soaked and cold, something compelled me to smile when I landed atop Oscorp and saw an empty bottle like the one in my pocket hidden in a steel beam. I replaced it and gripped the old, looking around and feeling no one.  _No. Not again. Listen to me now!_  Lifting up, I faltered and jumped over the edge. Rain and wind hit me and I let myself fall toward the Earth, dipping down low before rising up. This recklessness clawed under my skin. I could not contain it. I could not contain me. And I did not want to. But, I had to try. Landing in an alley, I shook out my messed hair and instead took the elevator up.  _I’ve tired of you. I’ll ensure they do and then you will come to me. For me._  My friends were rushing around when I knocked and Loki jerked open the door.

           “What have you done? How could you just disappear out of nowhere?” He tugged me inside. “You’re soaked.”

           “Bruce, I hope you like my present. I trust someone with your disposition will have care. You care so much. So…very much. I wish I cared still, I thought I was really good at it…but I guess…” I wobbled on my feet and they just watched me crackle under skin and marrow. “Sometimes when I look hard, I think I see nothing at the end of this. But, I blink once. Twice... And I see that instead...there is no end in sight at all. No end.” My voice reverberated in my ribcage. Wide eyes gleaming with gold then my signature orange.

            _Messiah. Murderess_. 

           “It’s better than nothing.” I was barefoot, dripping water when I passed everyone, teeth displaying while lips stretched apart. My head lulled to one side in a graceful twist while my eyes seared so painfully into them all. "Better than nothing..."

           “Please, sit and tell us where you went.” Thor got in front of me, taking my shoulders and I pushed him violently in a sudden motion that startled Jane next to him. I was still grinning just like Thanos taught me. Something about Thor’s touch at times now…I could not handle it. I remembered the way his teeth gnashed when his fingers scratched my scalp to pull at locks spilling like blood in his palm. Blood he had not washed away. I also remembered his beautiful soul fizzling into nothing when Thanos took him away from us. Had he really come back yet in full? Had I? Jane caught his bulky frame from falling and I whipped hair out of my face.

           “I was feeding the birds.” I stared until Thor looked smaller.

           “Okay, you’re not well. Do you know where you are?” Bruce stepped up next to Loki, closing in on me.

           “How about you come back to Avengers Tower tonight?” Hank added and I got onto the couch, curling up and messing it.  _Stupid child. We’ll try this once more. Soon._

           “Night,” I turned over and felt my body sink into the couch, down far into Thanos’ realm while I raced for my castle because it was the only thing that made sense to me now.

** ** **

           “You see what I mean?” Loki had turned. “This is her fourth time in the last few months. She doesn’t remember disappearing. Blacking out. Losing time. Speaking in riddles. I still cannot pinpoint the change. But, this is the first she had a seizure. I knew one was coming though. I called so you could observe. I followed her last time she disappeared from afar. She takes tubes of blood and leaves them at Oscorp in a hidden location.”

           “Think she knows where Harry is?” Jane replied, picking up fast. “He just had a birthday. Have we really been fighting Hydra and Thanos this long?” Had they really lost Steve so long ago? “Turned twenty…Peter and M.J. were both down. He’s been in the suit for....god, I can't imagine how he survived this long.”

           “Time flies. He's crafty. I think he’s stalking her; seeking this connection and offer of help. He knows the suit will tumble and he knows his time is running thin.” Loki crossed his arms. “She’s drawing him out of hiding after all this time. Hydra was a decent enough distraction to get her out of this country with your team. Working with other authorities and governments to root them up. Progress. But, she’s back here where the biggest loose end flies about her head. Thanos pries and she cannot block it.”

           “The clearly corrupt board at Oscorp have one by one been found out for their crimes. A few of the higher ones were discovered beaten half to death in alleyways at night. Sam, Tony, Janet, and Shield all think it’s him. He’s a sickly young man. We should have caught him ages ago.” Thor added.

           “He’s living off desperation and, because of his friends and my wife, just a glimmer of hope. Caught villains in Ravencroft spilled about helping him in return for revenge on Oscorp as well. Madness is inevitable but, he’s…alive still because of such things.” Loki peered at his brother and understood so totally.

           “Why haven’t you explained this to her yet?” Bruce nodded next to Hank.

           “I wanted to see where she goes first.” Loki dropped his eyes to his wife briefly.

           “Loki, you shouldn’t…”

           “I need the variables first, Thor, if I am to help her. This caught me off guard as well when I discovered it.” Loki cut over his brother and considered it. “She would agree.” Thor didn’t disagree with that part.

           “It’s too dangerous, she needs help.” Hank shook his head.

           “If she knows what she’s doing, she’ll flit off and hide the boy when she finds him first…and she will find him first.” Loki frowned. “I’m going to bring it up in the morning regardless because I’ll not have her blackout and get herself in worse harm. Take the notes I provided back to your tower and see what you can come up with. Thanos is advancing. Are we?” He picked up a case and handed it to Thor. “A few samples of my supplies from Asgard with detailed descriptions. Thor will know what to do with them. Skip the training tomorrow, my wife won’t be up to it.”

           “It’s fine,” Jane covered her friend with a blanket, frowning.

           “Keep us updated, brother,” Thor swallowed, turning his eyes when Loki looked at his face.

           “Go, I shall message you before I turn in for the night.” Loki turned and didn’t show them the door out.

** ** **

           Stretching out that morning, I inhaled and sat up. My hair was a mess around my shoulders and a fuzzy blanket that had been draped over me fell to my hips. I rubbed my face and saw Loki in an uncomfortable position on the loveseat with his long legs up over the armrest and his arms bent under his head. When I got up, Loki moved suddenly and tried to roll over onto his stomach in an even worse position with his limbs draped all over and I covered my lips. Getting up, I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of him before I sent it to Thor and my phone shut off.

           “Damn,” I muttered and went to plug it in by his before I pulled my dirty clothing off and showered. My head pounded against my skull so I hurried to make hot coffee once I’d dressed. Loki was smothering himself into the couch cushions, spine curved in his awkward position so I rocked him by the shoulder. Jerking with a snort, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me atop him with his eyes still closed. “Loki.” I huffed and he whined, locking his legs around me while he petted my hair.

           “Not yet.” He sighed and I stifled my laugh into his chest.

           “You’re hard and I ruined last night.”

           “Getting upset that you had a seizure would make me a terrible husband, let me worry once in a while.” Loki’s chest fell with a scoff. “Are you feeling any better?”

           “Sore.” I felt his legs relax on either side of me.

           “I need you to tell me what you remember…”

           “I remember your emotions most, rain beating on glass, and I was looking at the wall but…it was like a firework exploded in my face. Then, I was out here on the ground.” I jolted when Naaki jumped up onto my back, meowing loudly at us. “She’s hungry.”

           “A rat got into the apartment,” Loki mumbled, shifting so I could stand. Naaki got up onto the back of the sofa when I moved then promptly jumped down onto Loki’s lower half. “ _Gah!”_ He groaned and rolled onto his side, cupping himself. “She did that…on purpose…” I tried not to laugh and failed while Naaki pawed at me for food and affection so I picked her up. “That took care of my morning  _ache_.”

           “Naaki, apologize to your father.” I kissed her head and let her sit on the counter while I prepared her dishes. “She’s sorry, Loki.”

           “I find that hard to believe.” Loki ruffled his messy hair and shot the cat a hard look, she ignored him and ravaged her food instead.

           “Sit, let me make you breakfast since you made dinner.” I turned and poured coffees, setting them on the counter and Loki took my hands.

           “I want to talk about this first, you don’t…seem bothered.”

           “I don’t remember much. Thanos is playing with me as he always is, I guess that I just don’t want to get into this. Maybe I’m just…fatigued. Used to it. He’s been in my head for years now, I have to keep moving.” Sighing, I turned and opened the fridge but Loki touched my shoulder to pull my attention again.

           “You can’t normalize torture.”

           “I can endure it while we fight Hydra. We’re getting close and so is he. If he controls me, it’ll put the team and everyone else in danger.”

           “You’re blacking out.” He’d admitted and I almost didn't process it.

           “What…?”

           “Where did you get this?” Loki pulled up my sleeve to see a bandage on my arm and I shrugged.

           “I remember Jane talking to me. Thor was there. Bruce and Hank wanted to run tests, they must have taken blood. It's all fuzzy, I must have passed out while you all spoke.”

           “You gave them it…willingly. Like it was nothing. You disappear, sweetheart. You went into the bathroom, almost flooded it. Left out the window like it was a game. And it is to Thanos.”

           “That’s… Why…would I do that?” I touched Loki’s face and let the images flood me before pulling away so I didn’t go deeper.

           “This isn’t the first time I’ve found used equipment from our stores. We think you took blood to Harry Osborn to help him. I don’t know where else you wander, I think your soul is…I don’t know. I don’t. You are a goddess. Gods always go where they're needed most...willingly or not. Your soul goes where it's called.” Loki was holding my shoulders but I shook my head. “You are overstimulated. Lashing out. Disassociating. I’ve caught you speaking to people who aren’t there in ancient tongues. But you’re doing it while you’re wide awake. Before, you slept and Thanos…” He watched me get upset and released me, touching my back to sit me down. “Your friends are looking into it with Thor and…frankly, I don’t expect results. Not because I think they’re incompetent…which I do. But this is…” He rubbed his head and I looked down at my hands. “I think you should pull back from the team…just for a short while.”

           “They need me.” I imploded on myself. Loki was so gentle and I just didn’t deserve it.

           “ _We_  need you to be healthy.”

           “ _Well, I’m not!”_ I about screamed, touching my lips when he pulled back from me in utter shock. Quivering, I shrugged at him with wider eyes. “Let me make you breakfast.” I got up and opened the fridge but magic reeled it shut. Spinning, I kicked a chair aside and marched forth. “We’re out of eggs anyway! I’ll go get some.” Loki hurried to follow as I ripped my shoes up and bounded for the door.

           “We need to talk about this!” Loki pressed to the front door while I pulled on my coat with haste.

           “What can I talk about, Loki? How I’m falling apart? How Thanos likely knows everything we speak of? How I’m trying to do what I can for the team and falling behind them? These months have been so hard but...successful and backpedaling is just too much right now. How I’m becoming a _fucking…”_ I squeaked with tears. “… _a freak_. We can’t even have sex without me breaking into convulsions…I can’t touch you without feeling the worry and regret billow off of you. Thor is in pieces and you both won’t talk about the beach. He can barely look at us. Jane tries so hard to go on with life in her new role but she remembers what he said. She dwells on it and tries so hard not to blame him because she’s a good person and she knows that deep down it wasn’t his fault. The whole team feels the same. Jane has to come to terms with the fact that everyone she loves will die around her. And Thor. That underlining ugliness within him. We’ve all seen it now. I have to feel every deep, vile emotion and I can’t… What right do I have to worry about myself when every soul on Earth weeps and tugs for me?”

           “You have  _every_  right.” Loki’s eyes watered.

           “I’m nothing special. Just another product of horrible parenting.” I pressed my lips and sniffled. “You were right, my prince. My parents did fuck me up nice and proper. I get into bed with you and…anyone… I can’t remember things as well as I’d like to. I can’t remember the exact color and shape to my stepfather’s eyes. I can’t remember the exact pitch of his voice in clear tones. But, I remember how he felt.” I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to exhale before I bit my lip. “I grew up clicking my tongue and flapping my hands like I could ground myself to an earth that did not want to hold me. I retreated into fantasies. Voices that weren’t my own. Even if they told me horrible things. Even if they quarreled within me. These imaginary beings held me and I… I just pretended until nothing else existed. When I was little…in my tiny house. I looked at my parents and I just wanted to go home, Loki, because I knew that wasn’t it. And you…I let myself fall into your arms knowing I am not really all here but, I want to be so badly. You hold me and I ask myself… Am I alive now? Am I? How can you love someone who isn’t present? I’ve neglected you…too often but I try not to. So, when I’m out there…saving people, I pretend that I am saving myself. That I’m saving us both. Everyone. Over and over. I tell myself that soon I’ll be here again. Soon I’ll remember that I’m alive. But, I can’t and I…” Tears were falling and Loki watched me crumble before his arms wrapped around me, pressing me to his chest. He let me sob for a little until I tired myself and clung to him, fingers grasping for fabric.

           After a moment of his quiet breathing, he told me my name. He told me it a second time and then told me the current time.

           “We are on Midgard in our apartment in New York. Here together. You’re alive. You are here with me.” Loki looked at me when I lifted my eyes and tried to calm down. He touched my face and caught a tear on his thumb. “Feel my soul. Feel the way it tangles so with your own. This sensation…it is life. You taught me to allow myself to be dependent when needed, if you need to relearn this, please allow yourself. Your heart beats so deeply with these mixed sensations to remind you that you’re alive. You’ve cared for me countless times when I fell into these states, let me repay that still.” Loki tried to smile for me. “I’ll let you make me breakfast, come.” He held me close but shifted to guide me back into the kitchen.

           “We’re still out of eggs.”

           “Cut up potatoes for the skillet and spice them with whatever you find, I’m not picky.” Loki patted my bottom and ushered me forward. “Am I allowed to help? No magic.” Sniffing, I nodded and he washed some potatoes while I heated a pan with butter. “I told Doctor Foster that you should skip this day with them. You’ve been there day and night the last few weeks. Let me keep you now.”

           “Did I hurt anyone?” I asked in a smaller tone and Loki came to my side while I pulled out a large cutting board and two knives.

           “No. I don’t think so.” He shook his head, watching me until I stared down. I cut an onion and helped him cut potatoes when I’d finished. “Do you know where Harry Osborn is?”

           “No.” I replied with the truth. “Haven’t seen him in person since Ravencroft. I haven’t seen him since…Steve was alive.” I swallowed and shook my head. “Steve told me that I should not discredit myself. That the Avengers and even you…would not want it.”

           “He…He said that?” Loki had uttered and I stilled.

           “Yes and I try not to but it’s difficult. Having this immense power and feeling like there’s so much more. So much more I could do. I look and…I know that perhaps I shouldn’t invade souls but I honestly can’t just turn it off, just as souls cannot turn off their emotions. Thanos knows what I must do to unlock myself and I can't...live knowing that.” My tone changed and haunted him somehow. I felt it. “Sometimes, I think I can’t help but look now.”

           “Do you think the trauma of that day, the press conference and Captain Rogers, is part of this?”

           “I wouldn’t bet against it. Thanos isn’t worried about destroying us. He isn’t. Not even when I taunt him. He gains power and numbers and watches Hydra fight as pawns. He had enjoyed this show thus far. The buildup. He doesn't care about this impending battle. He's...so certain.” I pressed my lips and Loki moved when I turned to add everything to the pan. Quiet, I took out spices and idly stirred with a wooden spoon. “My team. They don’t want me going on missions until I stop blacking out, is that right? You were trying to let me down easy. I understand it. It's not safe... I am not safe.”

           “They haven’t stated it explicitly. Shield agents have in passing between rumors that are silenced.” Loki paused.

           “Making friends and texting them in my wake?” I tried to joke and Loki made a face.

           “Some of their names in my phone are saved under… _creative_  nicknames.” He got me to smirk and I covered the pan after stirring again. Crossing my arms, I turned to lean against the counter.

           “Why isn’t this something we deal with well in Asgard?” I asked at last.

           “We are but gods. Mental flaws aren’t allowed to exist. You know this. If we are undone, what does that mean for the rest of the realms? When Asgardians unhinge, the berserker could mean the end. Who wants to face that in any form?” Loki sighed, shrugging. “We are what we are, why apologize for that? The humans pray to us and think we’re perfection incarnate, ready to bless their lives while we fight each other and rattle Yggdrasil. Would you give that up?”

           “The Norns didn’t.” My voice evened out.

           “What did they look like?” Loki eyed me. “Was it like a firework exploded in your face?”

           “Yes,” I blinked, looking away. “You know what they look like and yet, you don’t. Everyone does but they just do not remember. You see them in everything and yet these forces evade you. If ever I found the words to describe them. If I were to whisper them into your ear…anyone’s ear. You would not survive such knowledge.”

           “I thought so.” Loki smiled to himself. “Your mind was already ill. What could they do to make it worse? So they let you down and kissed your head. You know what their faces look like. You’ve seen their eyes looking back into your own. They know your full potential.”

           “To make it worse, they showed me possibility. That I was the key. That I could fix and understand everything. Yet, they did not show me how. When I am ripping a soul from its body…what sight do you think I bestow on my victim just before they beg me to finish them off. They always do. The very gods that they pray to or scorn. I can never help it. They always slip into the cracks of my body and mind. In death, for a flicker of a second, I do understand all and I know how I can fix the world around me. But, this always snaps apart and I am left with longing and power. I can overstimulate the world just as I am overstimulated by its influence. Every scratch and sound hopes to drive me over and now I believe someone is waiting for me on the other side of the veil. I should not seek that comfort but, I do. I’m growing less afraid some days and terrified others.”

           “This being has already touched your soul. The grey child spoke...fonder than I liked.”

           “Perhaps, I touched their soul first without knowing it. You remember what the little girl offered? Regardless, that’s never happened to me before. I always know. Always. It is like the excitement of first love. All over again, Loki.” I turned and stirred the food once before Loki was behind me when I shifted back. “I got exactly what I wanted. To be seen first and then coveted. For better and worse. I understood that when Stryker had me in his lab. Some days he would turn the camera off and sit with me, talking. Always in soothing tones despite the underlining harshness. He has a child. I can tell. Just by the way he spoke to me. He lost them in some way, probably to his own hatred. He never touched me with his hands but when he would speak, I remember feeling as though he was holding me with one hand around my throat. I had to tell myself this was not my father. Sometimes he spoke of his own god and how I was not a god but a heathen. I don’t know his god but I am quite sure that he or she would love me more than men like William Stryker.” I cocked my head at Loki and asked a question that plagued him. “Do you ever think of the snow on Jotunheim and its stillness? Do you think of standing in it and for a split second, feeling accepted under its shroud?”

           “They are not my family.” Loki swallowed, blinking before he cast his eyes into mine.

           “Do you wonder if any of your many brothers and sisters there have regrets? Your biological father abandoning you in a temple for being small and weak. You, who would return to take their King, that father, as recompense. This war between Asgard and Jotunheim has wasted both worlds. Do you think of the woman who gave birth to you?”

           “She is dead,” Loki’s shoulders lifted. “I found out when I went there to betray them. And Asgard. And Thor….and you. If there is a shot at peace with them, it will come at the cost of life. I think of these things often. I think of the way I stood there in the snow among their ruined palace. I match these visions to standing just in front of Asgard’s palace, so gold and refreshed by the day. I felt small in Asgard. Even when I stood on those steps with my father. When I was in Jotunheim for the last time, it was the first I felt like I stood as tall as those giants. I hated myself for that.” I leaned up to kiss Loki’s jaw, feeling his soul pulse, with a light smile before I cocked my head.

           “I love you so much. Go and sit, I’ll finish up.” I touched his face and Loki took my hand before slipping from me to seat himself at the island. Steam rose up when I removed the cover and stirred some salt and pepper into the food before scooping up two plates. Loki was pouring more coffee and I came to the opposite side of the counter to join him.

           “Why is it you think Asgard has not opened the bifrost to us? They must be scrambling at the same time your friends are.”

           “Yes, I bet. Perhaps, at the present time, Odin and Frigga trust us to handle this here while they handle things in Asgard. They will contact us at the right time. It is also possible that Asgard is weary of Thanos coming close to the bifrost if it does open.” I picked up my fork after drinking coffee and he ate his breakfast. “We should go shopping later. I know I woke up an hour ago but yesterday…I don’t know, I might take a nap because, well, I can finally sleep again somewhat and I want to run with that on my day off. My body hasn’t been this sore in a while.”

           “You cracked the tile with your head,” Loki pointed and I huffed, dropping my face into my arm and he gave my hand a pat. “We have to nurture this.”

           “You’re right, I know you are. I can't let the world dump on me. I have to keep working at that.” I rubbed my head and washed some food down with coffee as our cat hopped onto a stool. “Dinner was lovely last night, thank you.”

           “It was therapeutic to make. Naaki sat atop the fridge and judged the entire time.” Loki snapped his fingers and she meowed, stretching to let him scratch behind her ears while I finished up.

           “She just wants to help you.” I picked up my plate and cup to wash them before Loki followed with his behind me. When he was at the sink, I picked up Naaki and plopped onto the couch after I’d grabbed my phone and turned it back on. Snickering at the text, I let Naaki settle on my lap when Loki came over as I turned the television on to a movie.

           “What is it?” He leaned over the back of the sofa and I held up the phone. “ _Thor_.” Loki shot me a flat look and read the words. “ _Aw, my sweet baby brother… Draw on his face and sit on him for me since I’m not there to torture him myself._ ” I started laughing, hiding my face while I shifted to text Thor back.

           “Old habits, Loki.” I winked and snapped a picture when Loki turned before he jolted to look back while I wrote to Thor.

           “You little-”

           “He woke up… But, this is Loki’s bed hair in the morning now, in its messy glory of waves and curls without his products. It looks longer than your hair.” I sent and Loki got atop me to get the phone while I chuckled and Naaki whined between us, trying to get comfortable. “He sent a response!” I giggled as I twisted and Naaki had to move from me, seating herself at the other end to watch Loki drape across my back while I squirmed to keep my phone from him.

           “ _In a few years, he’ll give mother a run…_  Damn it, Thor.” Loki got my phone from me and sat on my back to text.

           “Gods, you’re a boney man.” I was laughing and his tailbone dug into my skin. Loki crossed his legs on me and began to text Thor while I swatted for him. “Naaki, attack.” She yawned and watched us with big eyes. “Give me the phone.”

           “How often do you send pictures of me sleeping to him?” Loki scrolled up and I was laughing.

           “Often enough.”

           “You have an album dedicated to it.”

           “It always cheers Thor up.” I shrugged, sighing when I relaxed. “What did you send him?”

           “I told him I’d feed him to bilgesnipe if he shared those with anyone else.” Loki handed me my phone and Thor had texted back so I read it.

           “Tell Loki to start preparing me in a fine glaze with roasted vegetables, in that case.” I dropped my head again to cover up my laughter while Loki groaned above me. “More pictures to come this week, I’m sure.” I added a winking face and set my phone on the table.

           “I’d be the laughing stock of the villain circuit.” Loki mused. “Oh, did you need something?”

           “You’re about to go flying if you don’t get off,” I warned and Loki ruffled my hair before lingering to get up.

           “I believe you.” He kissed my head and scratched Naaki. “Want to stay up long enough for me to shower?”

           “I’ll play with Naaki,” I beamed and sat up, grabbing a stick with a line and toy at the end. Naaki jumped up immediately and Loki kissed my cheek before moving to go while I watched television and played. My cat jumped around as I led her on, chuckling and the shower ran behind me. Naaki was tuckered out and on the couch after about twenty minutes of off and on playing so I flicked through channels. Loki emerged in a sweater and briefs to pour himself some water. Grinning, I hopped up and left Naaki with her favorite channel before I hurried to jump into bed. I kicked off my leggings and unhooked my bra to pull it out from under my loose sweater. The apartment was cool while rain trickled against the windows and I watched it before Loki got in behind me. “This is nice.” I sighed and he pressed against me, hand smoothing with his fingertips tracing shapeless figures along my body.

           “Hmm.” Loki pressed his nose against the back of my skull and drummed above the scars on my thigh. I relaxed into his touches and adjusted my arms up along the bed while we laid half atop the covers. Loki’s hand was under my sweater and I opened my eyes to watch the rain. His finger traced the underside of my breast and up over my nipple. “Yes, it is.”

           “I wasted my lingerie last night,” I pouted and he hummed, kissing my neck and slipping his other arm under me. Both hands were cool under my top, massaging my sides and smoothing up over my breasts to play with my nipples. I felt myself purr.

           “Nonsense,” Loki breathed, “you looked divine then and you still do now. Am I able to rouse you as well as I used to? I like to think so but I work to ensure your body never forgets.” I turned and let him kiss me while he was twisting and rubbing my nipples to hard peaks. I felt the sensation pulse down and his lips followed the trail. Legs together, I left my hands by my head. Loki inhaled against my neck and his thumb traced over my underwear. He pulled it down and cupped himself idly, leaving the fabric at my knees before he dipped low to slide his tongue between my folds.

           “Loki…” I moaned, fingers twisting into black hair. His tongue curled up in a beckoning motion so my heart lifted in response. “Your fixation on this is something I won’t ever complain about.” My legs opened but didn’t get far with my underwear still around my knees. He made obscene, soft sounds with kisses and let his tongue wander before hooking one finger into fabric to toss it aside. Loki was on his knees, curving down to part my thighs when they bent up to pleasure me. Hands were under my shirt again to toy with my breasts and I arched. Loki came up and slipped his tongue into my mouth, getting out of his own underwear so we both were bottomless before his shaft slipped along my slick folds. He didn’t enter me, bracing himself up between kisses to close his hands around my wrists and put them far above my head.

           “Rub yourself against me,” he moaned and I locked my thighs at his hips, head tilting back while I pleasured myself and moved into him. Loki bit and suckled my neck as I whined and bucked but he didn’t move his hips back. I felt his sighing along my collar while one hand stayed curled into my wrists before the other rubbed down my body and came up to cup my face. The stimulation caused my hips to buck a little faster and harder against him. Loki was kissing my lips again, coaxing them open all the while I shuddered and moaned. “I want to feel your entire body when you come.”

           Snapping, I felt myself quake when he began to move against me with his voice beckoning me to give in. Unable to warn him, I climaxed and tossed my head back against the bed. My legs shuddered and he didn’t move from me, eyes intent while I squirmed and jerked with orgasm, lips open in a silent sigh before my breath hitched when Loki rolled off of me. Instantly, I sank into the bed along his body so he draped one arm under me and against my back, fingers running lines just under my sweater. Catching my next breath, I put my head on his chest and watched his cock twitch in a rigid state before I reached down. Loki dug his fingers into me. His shirt was warm and I kissed his chest when his free hand reached down to cover mine so we were working his shaft together.

           “I want to feel you throb inside me,” I was pleasuring him, kissing along his neck until his body responded with silent, slurring pleas. Not stopping, I pushed myself up and leaned over, linking his hand into mine so I could swallow him down. Loki was taut, grabbing a handful of my bottom while I ran my free palm over his stomach and under his shirt to scratch down flesh. Loki closed his eyes and grasped for my arms when I swung my leg over him, positioning his tip so I could sink down. I was still clenching and whimpering out at the sensation of him forced deep inside. He exhaled and I moved to take that breath away from him, hands latched to my hips. While Loki writhed, I closed my eyes and lifted my arms behind my head to arch back and enjoy him as we rocked until I was bouncing at a harder pace. Loki smacked my flesh and I leaned over him, kissing his quivering lips until he spanked me again and rolled us over. His body curved like bamboo in the wind as he thrust into me until his hand fell upon my neck to squeeze when he came. Loki dropped against me and let me cling to him, running my fingers into his hair for lingering moments before we both moved. I turned back on my side while he fell behind me. Both bottomless still, he shifted one leg over mine and held me close.

           “Perhaps a soothing bath for us both before we shop later.” Loki smiled and I scoffed in response. “I’ll light candles. Maybe show you a few forms.”

           “I have not seen Ava in a while.” I mused.

           “I have felt…insecure as of late. Distracted.”

           “Too distracted to shapeshift.” I turned around to face him. “That is unlike you. I like that you’re open with me about this fluidity. It's wonderful.”

           “That’s it, I’m mostly open with you in this world. Thor sometimes as well. To this world, Loki is dead. The Avengers and Shield have kept my secret. Perhaps, they are waiting for me to act out or perhaps they are waiting for me to prove myself useful. There is always a price.”

           “In Asgard, if we went back with Thor to live. If this all was…handled. I’d hope you’d feel comfortable enough to change forms like you do here. I love you, Loki. I want you to be happy. But, I want you to be comfortable. I know that I made it difficult on you in that tower. Ava is so important to who you are and I love you.”

           “I deserved what I got. I am a villain and you are a hero. That is the way it always will be.”

           “You are my husband and I am your wife.” I kissed him. “ _That_  is the way it always will be.” I turned to see the window and sighed out, contented in his arms. There was a slow, pulsing beat.

           “I want to have a child with you.” Loki admitted and my head snapped to see him tearing up. “I know we cannot. Not now. Perhaps, not ever. I just want you to know that I dream of it sometimes. This situation will always be too messy for a baby. And how can you look upon the child knowing she will be part Jotun. Knowing her father is just another fallen villain?” Carefully, I touched Loki’s face and smoothed one fallen tear aside.

           “I’d look at her with pride.” I offered and Loki closed his eyes, dropping his forehead upon my chest to hold me closer and control his tears. Rubbing the back of his head, I grabbed for a loose blanket and covered us both with it.

           “I caused every bit of this. I am the monster.” Loki lamented.

           “A monster would not be lying here with me…with so much regret…trying to fix this. You're not just prince and jotun. You're not just the god of mischief and magic. You're so much more. You saved Thor and I. Countless times. We love you. We trust you. Into eternity.” I kissed his head and held him. Closing my eyes, I coaxed him to nap with me and took him to my castle where Thanos’ eyes could not touch us.

** ** **

           “I’m just not sure what to do, Jean.” I rubbed my head and sighed into the phone. Loki was moving around the bedroom and I lifted the remote to turn down the television. Naaki went to her water dish before trailing to follow Loki around as he dressed.

           “Blacking out and seizures are both serious side effects. I’ll talk to Janet about this. Charles and I will see if we can weigh in.” She replied with my name.

           “I appreciate that. How is the school? Scott was on edge when I last saw him. Well, he usually is. But, more so.”

           “Did you see the news?”

           “Stryker abounds. Talk of these...Sentinels. Ororo told me you went and spoke at a conference with Secretary McCoy from the Department of Mutant Affairs.”

           “We’re worried about our kids.” Jean paused. “About kids everywhere. Stryker is really putting pressure but he’s disappeared and we think he’s up to something.”

           “You know I’ll come the moment I’m asked. Or if something happens, I’ll ensure the Avengers have your back. We're here for you all. We’ve been picking up a lot of Ravencroft escapees around the city. Took a few months for some to show their faces.”

           “I was talking with Sue about that. Colorful names.”

           “Hydro Man. Can you believe it?” I joked and she chuckled.

           “Some of the kids ask about you.”

           “That’s sweet.”

           “A few want you to train them. Charles pushes their studies instead.”

           “I’d be happy to if asked,” I shrugged. “I enjoy their spirits.” I looked up when Loki came out of the bedroom with Naaki curled in his arm. Smiling, I held up one finger and he nodded, patting Naaki’s back while he passed with her. “Keep me posted and I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

           “Of course,” she replied. “I’ll let you go. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. Have a good night.”

           “You too, Jean. Stay safe.” We hung up and I stood to kiss Loki, passing him to get my coat and purse. “We driving?”

           “Why not? It’s raining heavily and I won’t freeze in that temperature, but you will.” He shrugged, letting Naaki down on her tree and I shot him an amused look. “Behave.” She meowed in turn and purred when I came to scratch her ears.

           “Keys?” I watched Loki pick them up and drop them in his pockets. “Illusion?”

           “No one will recognize your face or mine.” Loki took my hand after we’d both fixed our jackets and I followed him out. We went down the elevator and into the parking garage.

           “I like the markets here. Many choices. Wide selection of new things.” I grinned while Loki started the car. He put his hand on my thigh and I turned on some music as rain kept up. “How much power do you think Thor retained from Mjolnir?”

           “Honestly, I am not sure. I don’t think he is either. Mjolnir did not give him all, it acted to charge and enhance it. Things have changed. The possibilities frighten him. I see him constantly touching that area where his hair is growing back in and I know what goes through his head.”

           “You should talk about it.”

           “We’re not ready.” Loki shook his head and I touched the hand on my leg, squeezing it.

           “I understand.” I looked away and changed the subject. “We should have made a list.”

           “Ah, we’ll talk dinners when we’re there.” Loki paused. “Remember that day in the mall. Before everything happened. You bought me flowers.”

           “I try to spoil you.” I winked and kissed his hand in mine while he parked. “Hard to think it’s been about two years…the months just passed so quickly. We separate along holidays and come together. So naturally.” He nodded and we got out, I took Loki’s hand while the sky darkened but shifted when he grabbed a cart. “I could make stir-fry for dinner again.”

           “Non-spicy perhaps.” Loki pressed his lips.

           “I made it not spicy last time.” I lifted my lips and he shook his head, a look of torture crossed his face. “Non-spicy to me. I forgot you were a lightweight.”

           “Shall we recall what happened after?”

           “You were all squirmy.” I was already dropping items in the cart while we went up one aisle.

           “Dear wife. How many times do I need to tell you that I do not get  _all squirmy_ , as you so lovingly put it?” Loki cocked his head and gestured. “Pick out some vegetables.”

           “Non-spicy, tangy, and sweet stir-fry…for the squirmy husband.” I saluted with two fingers and turned to bag some vegetables. “You pick out the meat. Oh, we need eggs and milk.” My phone rang as I followed Loki along. “Bruce, hi.”

           “Hey. I called to see how you were.” His soft voice replied.

           “I’m…hanging in there. Loki and I are replenishing important supplies for our stores." I was currently picking up the biggest bag of marshmallows on special display and dropping it in the cart. "Was there any news?”

           “Fantastic Four are on watch tonight. Nothing big.” He was careful in this tone. “I’ll be honest, we were wondering if you wanted to stay in Avengers Tower for a few days. This weekend. Got the team together, we should meet. Janet and I are still looking into this. Jean called, offered what she could and I sent her some info. Again, I’m being honest…we’re worried about you.”

           “Honesty is appreciated and I know, you’re very right.” I peered at Loki and gestured so he’d go pick out items from the meat section. “Loki told me what happened. It has to be Thanos.”

           “We’d like to test out some medicines…if you’re alright with that.”

           “Loki and I will discuss it. But, we’ll both come this weekend. Thank you for calling, Bruce. Don’t worry about me, yeah? Team needs you.”

           “You’re part of the team,” he’d offered with a heartfelt tone and I smiled. “Night. Sleep as well as you can.”

           “I will. Thank you. Goodnight.” I hit end and Loki took the cart while I picked out some more things. “So, we’re going to Avengers Tower this weekend.”

           “I figured this sleepover was impeding.” He’d exhaled out his nose. “…Will Barnes be there?”

           “He’s on the team so…yes. But, we agreed to stop that after the fourth time.”

           "Yes, and four became five." Loki got me to snicker. "Then we agreed to stop."

           "We're bad."

           “He’s fun to…cheer up. Good company. What can I say?” Loki smirked wide and we turned into another aisle.

           “What do you think Frigga and Odin will say when we present Jane to them in all her new glory?” I opened a case and winked when I picked out ice cream. Loki sighed and pointed to a flavor he enjoyed, causing me to chuckle.

           “They’ll fully disown Thor and I before adopting her.” He shrugged. “Odin did it with you. First step.”

           “Very funny.” I touched the cart. “We get everything?”

           “I believe so.” Loki touched my arm and we headed to the front. Dropping some candy at the checkout, I smiled again at Loki and he looked entertained when I pulled out our card to pay.

           “Thank you.” I tugged for the cart and Loki followed me out to fill the trunk. “Let’s get home, I’m going to freeze.”

           “I told you,” Loki was amused when I pushed at his arm before he hurried to get in. Rain had turned to hail on the way back and we filled our arms, both distractedly balancing bags as we got out the elevator and rushed toward the front door. Ruffling my wet hair out after I’d dropped everything on the counter, a sudden breeze went through the apartment and my spine stiffened. “What do you see?” Loki left the fridge open while filling it and came to touch me when I’d gasped, slapping my hand over my lips.

           “Gods be damned…” I’d pushed past him, following the trail toward the soul I felt in the back of our apartment. Our bedroom window was broken and there were scratches all along the wall and floor. Shaken, I dropped slow to my knees and then to my hands to lie down and see under the bed. “ _Loki_ …” A delirious Harry Osborn was looking back with his glider broken behind him and Naaki pressed to his chest. Loki spoke my name and grabbed for me but I waved him back. “Stay at the door.” I was hushed. Harry had been crying with beet red eyes, teeth clenched while he laid there and Naaki squirmed but didn’t leave his grip. “Harry…” I eased while sick, sunken eyes drooped. Discolored veins along his dirty skin looked to have pulsed at the sound of my voice. “Do you know where you are?”

           “Hell... I'm dead. Am I dead yet?” He scratched in a hoarse tone and my heart stilled.

           “No…” I watched him try to focus on me. He petted Naaki like she was a precious childhood teddy bear before letting her go. Loki kneeled down to let her jump into his arms. Idly, he fixed the wall and window with magic before urging my name. But, I was too focused. “Harry.”

           “Back off him.” Loki tried but I shook my head.

           “Are you an angel?” Harry had asked before he broke with a sob. “Are you the devil? I'm guilty.”

           “Neither.” I breathed, pressing to the floor. “You know me.” When Harry’s shaken, sickly hand reached out, knuckles on the floor, I reached back in a slow motion. I told him my name. Our fingers barely touched then clasped and I told him his name. “You’re breathing. You’re in New York still and we’re together now. You have been alive for twenty Name Days. I’ve known you, off and on, for two. I took something from you that I shouldn’t have because I was frightened.” Ashen eyes lifted to my face and I gave Harry back the few memories I’d stolen. He gazed at me, carefully so. Loki touched my leg while I watched Harry and he uttered with a clearer voice.

           “Lady…” This caused me to break with emotions that welled up inside. Like we'd both been waiting for this moment.

           “Yes, Harry.” I watched his cracked lips lift. The same charming expression he’d given me when we first met before he passed out. “Loki, help me with him.” I hurried to pull Harry out and Loki didn’t move as I gathered the body up. “Loki.”

           “I’m calling your friends.” He let Naaki down and picked up his phone but I jolted up and grabbed his wrists.

           “No!” I silenced the apartment without leaving his eyes. “Please. He’s barely alive.”

           “Exactly.”

           “I can help him. Please. I know I can. Let me try.” I was begging. “I know you don’t agree with me and I know this seems foolish to you but this mortal…I see too much of myself in him and I know that I can heal him some. I don’t have much time.” Loki took my arms.

           “These connections you’ve struck…” Loki shook his head because he _knew._ “He will hurt you.”

           “What’s the world done to him?” I seethed. “If there’s a chance that I can do something to save his life, I’ll do it. If I turn him over, he will die. He will. And I can’t live with that. Peter and Mary Jane…it will strike them as well. Deeply so. I can’t stand by, Loki. Please, just give me a few days and help me.” I was clinging to him, desperately so with eyes that pled. “I need him. He needs me.” Loki watched me and couldn’t comprehend what was in my head. But, he knew what was in my heart. So he trusted that. Seemingly. “If I save him, perhaps he can tell me what I do on the days I blackout.” Loki responded best to logic.

           “We’ll need tools to get him out of that suit and into a bath. He reeks worse than I did after that battle.” Loki took my face. “Work quickly, I’ll gather what we have from Asgard and mortal hospitals.” Harry moaned a little when I propped him forward and picked up his body.

           “Harry,” I was speaking to him to keep him somewhat awake. “I need you to follow my voice. Keep your heart beating even if it hurts.” I kept talking while I put towels down along the bathroom and Naaki purred next to me to watch, circling Harry before seating herself by his head. “Oh, Harry…this is going to hurt. Loki, I need you!”

           “Get that suit off him, it’s finished.” Loki was working to remove pieces from his arm, jamming needles in and Harry stirred with pain. I took his hand and absorbed it when I remembered myself. “Parts are embedded into his skin.”

           “ _Ngh_ …get him out of it.” I clenched my teeth.

           “You cannot do that if it pulls your focus.” Loki pressed a device over Harry’s nose and mouth while I opened a case to rummage through herbs. “Hold his arms down, I need to get these pieces out his face.” Harry screamed and I tried to take pain as quickly as I could. “He’ll have scars.” Yes, once Loki had finished, two crescent gashes were struck on either side of Harry’s face from temple to cheekbone. I would have chuckled if I could. Instantly, I was setting cloths smeared in a sticky solution over them. Loki and I worked together to disassemble the suit and Harry’s breathing was shallow. Dirt and blood drenched the towels and floor. Naaki shifted to sit on the toilet, watching close. Wet sores covered Harry’s body and I healed them as best I could as Loki worked above me, needles pricked along Harry’s skin until he arched, convulsing. Unable to stop myself, I picked up a knife and opened my hand before Loki could stop me. Blood trickled down into a bowl and I filled a syringe. “Don’t you do what I think you’re about to do.” Loki grabbed my wrist. “Sweetheart.”

           “He reached out for me and asked me to save him…because he knew that I could. Since the mind stone, I’ve been able to self heal…faster than most Asgardians. Even when the gem was destroyed, I retained pieces…I have to do it.” I looked at Loki and he stared back before releasing me and I stabbed Harry Osborn in the chest. His eyes shot open, fading back to normal before he closed them and began to breathe until he was shuddering and breathing too fast. Adrenaline lined every crevice of his soul. I watched him writhe and Loki held him down, nodding. “His heart. I’m losing him.” Loki picked up the knife and set it in my hand, nodding.

           “Slow it, you learned under my mother, you know what you’re doing.”

           “I’ve done this once in Asgard. With Moira’s guidance.”

           “Moira would tell you what I am right now, you can do it. You want to save this mortal? Open him up and save his life!” Loki pressed the device down to Harry’s mouth. “Breathe.”

           “What if I lose control now?” I had my hand on Harry’s head but Loki grabbed the knife from me and opened a curving slice along Harry’s ribs.

           “Now you have no choice!” Loki bared his teeth and I was frantic so I spread Harry’s rib until I heard the crack before my hand reached inside him. “Healer and seers of souls unite, indeed. Stay with my voice. Do not lose yourself. Save him.” I closed my eyes and felt Harry’s soul clinging just barely, I felt it wrap along mine and beg to come out with me. My fingers touched his rippling heart, massaging it to get the blood circulating normally. Magic illuminated his chest. I explored his soul and had to allow him to connect into mine intimately, he saw things and I watched his life before my eyes the way I’d seen many others in my friends along Avengers Tower. Leaning over, I touched Harry’s head with my free hand and Loki held me up. I arched with pain and felt strings inside Harry’s soul snap while I pulled at the right ones. His heart slowed in my grasp then beat one time and then a second time. “Ready when you are.” Loki coaxed and I felt my black and sunset eyes flicker to see his green ones. My lips opened and I wanted to pull Harry’s heart out with me. “Focus. You both are alive. We’re here together. You’re about to prolong his life; soon perhaps, he will be cured. Not today. Sweetheart. Feel this little victory first.”

           At Loki’s voice, I pulled away and he mashed a healing stone into the wound as I fell against blood on the tile next to Harry. While I watched some color and softness return to his hair, I smiled to myself and passed out completely. I dreamed I was floating on a cloud with a large chain looped around my neck and Thanos climbing up the other end. Choking, I grabbed for it and reached out toward the endless sky above. A familiar mighty hand I’ve seen before in my dreams reached back to save me before I opened my eyes to Naaki licking my cheek.

           “Foolish woman.” Loki’s voice lingered in the distance before he was standing over me. “I had to bathe that smelly mortal myself and then you.”

           “Is he alive?”

           “I set him up in the guest room. He’s alive, scrubbed clean and recovering. What you did slowed the disease and began to heal him. In time, I fear he could still suffer the same fate as his father. But, he will live to an older age. You did well.”

           “I didn’t cure him,” I sat up. “It isn’t over. Did you call anyone?”

           “No. Not yet.” Loki eyed me. “Get up, see him. I patched him up well. Been a while since we got to be healers at full force. Might have been fun if I didn’t have to mop the bathroom five times. Well…go.” Hands pulled me to my feet and I rubbed my head, stumbling. “Perhaps, take it easy. I’ll prepare something soft for him if we can get him eating.”

           “Loki…thank you.”

           “You were right. Usually are, souls and whatnot.” Loki waved me forward. “See the mortal.” I turned to hurry off and closed the door when I entered. Quick, I realized Loki had cuffed Harry to his bed by one ankle and sighed, removing it before sitting down to touch Harry’s neck. He jumped awake and I followed in response.

           “Harry…?” I watched his eyes, cracking just barely open to see me and he sighed.

           “I killed you. I’m sorry.”

           “You didn’t, Harry. Not really.” I paused. “Turns out you were half right.”

           “I remember…you broke into my office.”

           “We were so young, no? …I am still not strong enough to counter your disease fully. I’m sorry.” I paused. His skin was healthier, sores had healed up and the twinge of green was lessening. Even the way those drugs contorted his face had begun to wear off, save for his ears still at slight points. “Harry, you did many horrid things and neither of us will be able to convince the people who will want to lock you up that you lost yourself to what happened at Oscorp.”

           “I know.” He sounded level but his eyes watered. “I remember…the Goblin talking to me. He sounded like my dad. Still…I can hear him I think… I hurt Peter…and M.J.” I retrieved a tissue and handed it to him. Harry rolled over after taking it so I wouldn’t see him cry and pulled himself together. “Oscorp…they buried all of those innocent people and when they pushed me out, they threatened to blame me. All of those files were locked up and erased but I saved them.”

           “Where?” I craned my neck and he turned.

           “Hidden in my old office. They kicked me out of the system but I got them all. They're in my family house, well hidden. No one really goes there anymore since... I told Octavius we’d both get vengeance if he helped me get them back so I could take down…all that shit. He just got in the way with his own agenda so I dropped him. I think…I think I wanted to help him to... To spare him… I remember…attacking the tower. Like I was sitting in the back row of my mind while the Green Goblin stole my part. I could have killed my friends.”

           “They fought for you, Harry. Once you’re healthier…I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

           “…You didn’t call the Avengers?”

           “No…” I shook my head, shrugging. “I wanted to heal you.”

           “Why?”

           “You asked me to. I didn’t want to see more good hearted people lost. I didn’t want to see my new friends in pain because they lost you. I’ve lost people. The ones I’ve gotten back are never the same. I wish I could make souls see what I see in them.” I pressed my lips. “You’ll heal but you’ll deteriorate again and I wish I could cure it. I won’t turn you in. I’ll do what I can and then I’ll help you leave this place so you don’t end up in prison.”

           “Thank you.” Harry reached for my hand and stopped himself. “Stryker…he hurt you badly.”

           “Yes.” I swallowed.

           “I can't tell you how much I regret that. How sorry I am for putting you in danger. You don’t have to forgive me…but I’ll do anything to earn it.” Harry promised. “Anything.”

           “That’s a dangerous game, I’ve learned.” I peered down at my hands. “Loki will supply you with potions to take away the pain. I don’t think you’ll be walking for a while longer. If you last the next few nights, I consider that a victory.”

           “Sorry I kind of kidnapped you and dropped you on a building… I wasn’t very good at…anything.”

           “You were rather good at fighting the Goblin.” I shrugged. “I consider that a victory as well.”

           “If you see Peter or Mary Jane…when I’m gone. Can you tell them that they were right?” Harry finally touched my hand in my lap. “Please.”

           “I will.” My scarred hand lowered over his and I pressed my lips, watching him sniffle.

           “My dad. He was the first before me. He killed Gwen and I blamed Peter for it.”

           “You didn’t know. Your father was a bad person but you are not.” I shook my head.

           “Oscorp is all I have left to prove myself and I…” Harry clenched his teeth. “I lost it to those corrupt murderers. I have to stop them.” He coughed and touched his chest. “I’m so sorry. I haven’t had…this clarity.”

           “There is something I need from you, Harry.”

           “Yes?” He shifted when I let him go.

           “You know that I’ve gained some strength but something is very wrong. There is a great evil, a titan trying to get inside. We’ve dealt with him before. Thanos. He sent Loki the army to lay waste to the Earth. Failed. But he is getting stronger as well and using me. In my sleep, I see him. But, according to my friends, I’ve been blacking out. Doing things in a dissociated state while awake. I don’t know exactly what has caused it. But, I’m told that I-”

           “The blood.” Harry blinked and I nodded. “You don’t remember that?”

           “No.”

           “You’d leave it atop Oscorp for me to find. I started to follow you and you…you didn’t seem to notice.” Harry whispered and I watched while he recalled. “The first time…I followed you to where you lived and you just fell into bed. Loki…I remember him…upset at first but he seemed to think something was wrong by the way he made a phone call and tried to wake you.”

           “Yes.” I agreed and he went on.

           “The next time, I watched you…” Harry stopped.

           “Harry…what did I do?”

           “You killed someone.” He admitted. My world went grey. “You perked up after delivering the blood and you started talking to the sky. You kept saying…  _No, you can’t have it. I won’t let you. Nothing spilled in your honor for you today, I won’t do it. Please._ You kept going on.”

           “I told the sky it couldn’t have my blood?”

           “I think so…you were panicking and grabbing your head. But…I don’t know, it was like you caught a scent. You jumped up and flew down so fast, I barely caught up with you. There was a man, pining a drunk woman down while she kicked and he was trying to…” He paused and swallowed. “You ripped him off her and carried him high and then into the trees. I saw you…you changed him. You kept muttering and rocking and calling him stepfather. You put up your hands and his eyes glowed. He…did things under your control. You got deeper into it...made him mutilate his genitals and I…I remember myself cackling. You told him to climb the highest tree and beg the god’s forgiveness and then jump off. So…he did.”

           “Thanos is making me train for him regardless…” My lips opened before I wiped my tears.

           “You saw me. I was still laughing because I was in a state and you jumped for me, knocked me off my glider and I couldn’t stop laughing. It amused you because you smiled and kissed my head. You told me goodnight and left me there. You were still muttering. About souls. About how they reach out for you and you want to ferry them all away from this… About how there is no end in sight. I’m so sorry. The third time, Loki followed you and observed you drop the blood off. He took you home after.”

           “Did he see you, Harry?” Why would Thanos need to spill my blood if Hydra already studied it?

           “No, I don’t think so.” Harry paused. “You did it a fourth time but I wasn’t there to see you. I just found the blood. First time, I only saw you because I’d dropped the man who betrayed me down some alleyway after I picked him up from Oscorp. I brought the tube back to see if you’d do it again and you did. You tried to save me. You tried to fight what was happening to you by doing something good.” I looked away from him to the wall and clenched my teeth. I couldn’t let Loki see me cry when he came in. So I sniffled and spoke.

           “I will keep you a secret, Harry.”

           “And I’ll keep yours safe.” His chest fell and I met his eyes before I felt Loki moving around and called out.

           “Come in.”

           “Do goblins like oatmeal?” He kept a flat look. “I’ll say yes, rich boy.”

           “My butlers usually serve me on a silver platter.”

           “Mine served on rare gilded china given as a gift from Alfheim.” Loki cocked his head at Harry. “Am I feeding you or can you sit up with my wife’s assistance?”

           “He’s nice.” Harry mused and I smirked lightly while I helped him. Idle, he touched a bandage on his cheekbone. “I want to see my face.”

           “You really don’t. I regret seeing mine after I was taken prisoner.”

           “That changed?” Harry was sassy this time so Loki grew amused.

           “Another smart ass. You’re in league with my kind, boy,” Loki pushed the bowl into Harry’s hands. “You’re a villain. Low on the pole above mind control and underneath tragic backstories.”

           “Loki, go easy.” I touched his arm, grateful.

           “I respected your theatrics but the line delivery needed help.” Loki pressed his lips up. “Don’t step out of line in our house. You’re not the first stray we’ve taken in.”

           “I lasted longer than you did, to be fair.”

           “And you’ll have the scars to prove it.” Loki set down a bottle of water. “You’re here only because my wife takes in strays.” Naaki trotted in and got on the bed, curling up to blink slowly at Harry. “Not you too.”

           “Harry can stay here while he heals. I told him I’d get him away from here after. He’s had and done enough.”

           “We didn’t agree to that.”

           “Loki, this mortal has somewhat of a chance to do some good. I’m not sending him off to be patronized and pass away in prison.” I watched his eyes sober a little before he stood taller.

           “I’ll defer to your judgement. Goblin won’t let him go.”

           “We all have our battles. The Avengers have enough to deal with…with me. And Thanos. Hydra is on the move. They want Rumlow back. Harry is a footnote right now. We’ll handle this. I’ll handle it.”

           “Very well,” Loki stood up. “I’ll prepare another potion. You’re going to hate yourself come tomorrow.” He left and Harry exchanged looks with me.

           “So, that’s Loki. Your husband. Almost destroyed New York.” Harry paused.

           “He gets that a lot.”

           “Shapeshifted into that Ava woman who worked at Oscorp. Always flirted with the scientists.”

           “Probably to get into the files and good tech. Also, Loki enjoys flirting in any form.” I shrugged.

           “Ava and I met after Stryker took you.” Harry tried to eat.

           “I don’t blame you. You didn’t know.”

           “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him but I was scared and desperate so I did.” He shook his head and I tried to smile.

           “We’ve all done that.” I offered, touching his arm this time to find those horrid memories of myself wide awake and far gone. “I’m no stranger to it.”

** ** **

           “Look, I think I’ll save the dinner plans…for tomorrow. I’m not up to eating right now.” I came to the counter and Loki didn’t turn while he washed out a mug.

           “Yes, I figured.” He paused, debating it. “You should turn him in.”

           “Why do you think that?”

           “He isn’t your responsibility. You did what you could and now you both must move on. Turn him in to a hospital and a cell. He made bad choices, he’ll make them again. Peter Parker loves that boy…but that won’t be enough to save him. I’ve seen it in myself. He will harm you. He will harm Peter and Mary Jane.”

           “Do you think you belong in a cell?”

           “Yes, actually. But, I’m not in one by the skin of my teeth.” Loki turned when I came to his side. “We’ve both seen this before, he won’t ever be the same and you cannot dwell on this any longer. It will only bring you more pain that you don’t need. Parker will dwell and he shouldn’t the same way Thor shouldn’t. Thor should be free and insufferably happy, not focused on me and tearing himself apart because he lost the one thing that always comforted him. Peter and Mary Jane, likewise, had a bright future before all this hell.”

           “So did Harry…and they all still do. So do you and Thor.” I touched Loki’s face and turned his chin so he’d look at me. “All of us are trying. That matters.” I lowered my hand and Loki nodded, stiff, before his eyes slipped to the wall behind me. “Come to bed with me.” I nudged his arm and he kissed my lips, nodding.

           “I am stressed out. Forgive me.” Loki offered simply and I beamed, stilling to watch him go before I followed. I tried to rationalize what I’d done. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t in control. Thanos made me. Maybe. Rapists aren’t people. I still killed someone under the influence of forces beyond me. I was still losing myself. I was still hiding it. So I gave in.

           “Loki…” I felt my chest seize while he shut the door and turned. “I killed someone.”

           “You’ve killed thousands and so have I.” Loki’s tone was airy.

           “Harry told me that he saw me control someone. Trying to assault a woman and I must have felt the shift in souls because I was high on… Thanos is making me train these abilities against my will. Harry saw me tell them to jump and I…and they…” I touched my head when I got riled up and Loki grasped my shoulders to keep me level. “I don’t…feel regret or sympathy. But, this empathy comes in billowing waves. I can’t do this any longer, Thanos is pushing and pushing. The Avengers and you are pushing as well and I’m not ready for the other side of the veil but my eyes are wide open now.” Loki had me pressed to the wall, hushing me with one hand slipping up toward my jaw. “We can’t tell anyone about this yet. Can we? What if I ruin things and the government takes it out on us all again?”

           “No.” Loki paused, thumb tracing up my jaw. I watched him debate my sanity and looked away from his eyes. “We cannot talk about this here. I’ll fix it. Give me some time and a chance. Let me fix this.”

           “It won’t stop, Loki. There is no end.” I heaved for air, grasping for his shirt. “I just wanted you to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prompt in Phase Five: Metamorphosis was split into five parts. They're the last chapters before the sixth and final Phase. So much has lead to what occurs during these coming chapters and thanks for being along for the wild ride.


	39. Transverberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes a difficult choice in trying to do the right thing for the person he loves. The Lady strives to combat Thanos with a new tactic. Thor struggles still with what occurred to him while the rest of the Avengers try to bring him comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of mental illness talk from a bitter soul. Transverberation is my favorite word and probably a huge theme in my writing around these chapters. Me being the obsessive art historian and all ;)

          The next morning, I woke with Loki still curled around me as if to ensure I stayed during the night. Naaki was perched above my head, sitting up when I shifted and Loki woke. Drowsy, I turned to get up but Loki pressed me down.

           “Rest.”

           “Harry…” I sighed and he got up.

           “I’ll check on the boy and shower before I prepare breakfast. Go back to sleep.” Loki kissed my head and Naaki took his place so I shifted over to get another hour or so of sleep. I woke to the scent of food and showered to shake my lingering soreness aside. Naaki meowed and bounded into the main room while I rubbed lotion along my arms and stumbled out.

           “Loki?” I yawned and saw the kitchen empty save for the plates of pancakes and bowls of cut strawberries. Beaming, I stretched and followed his soul to the guest room.

           “Slight fever but that will pass. You’re lucky. Somehow.” Loki had spoken and Harry’s breathing cast softly.

           “Why are you helping me?”

           “My wife recognizes the souls, I follow after her.” Loki pressed his lips. “I’ve betrayed a brother just as you have.”

           “Did he forgive you?”

           “Yes.” Loki paused and tried not to open up to this mortal. He failed. I watched them through the crack in the door. “I, however, have not forgiven myself.”

           “She forgave you, you know.” Harry tried to lift his lips and Loki plopped down to check his vitals.

           “Why would you know this?”

           “I saw it. When she was pulling me out, I…I don’t know.”

           “Few fully understand when she lets them through the path to see a flicker of her soul. It is dangerous but you can’t look away. Nor would she want you to.” Loki angled Harry’s head and removed the bandages to see the scars there. “You do look somewhat more menacing.”

           “I want to see.”

           “Your hair is still rather brittle but this improvement is…astounding.” Loki cocked his head and summoned a mirror to his fingers. Harry took it and touched his own cheek.

           “Why did she cut her face? I know she did it to herself. I just don’t know why.” Harry set the mirror down and looked up at Loki. “Wasn’t because of you.”

           “Because she wanted to.” Loki turned his head. “Ask her yourself.”

           “You hate me.” Harry dropped his eyes elsewhere. “I get it. You’re protecting Peter and M.J.”

           “I don’t engage with mortals.” Loki paused, reassessing. “I do not like to.”

           “Hard when our lifespan is a blink of yours.” Harry got Loki to slide his eyes back. “I don’t know what happened but I know you protected my friends when I failed them. Even if it was an accident. You could be genuine or you could be acting on some…selfish need or guilt. Whatever you saw in Peter…I know him. It protected you back, didn’t it?”

           “Perhaps, my wife found something similar with you.” Loki pressed his lips and I saw him make a connection. His hand hesitated and touched Harry’s for just a second. “I will do what I can for you both to go on and heal. But, you cannot hide from the consequences to come. And they will come for you. The same way they came for me.”

           “I’ll make this up to her and Peter and everyone.” Harry closed his eyes.

           “Yes.” Loki stood and I shifted to go away. “I imagine you will.”

** ** **

           “Is he sleeping still?” I asked, taking Loki’s plate to clean it. “This was delicious.”

           “I’ve perfected the art.” Loki kissed my hair. “And yes, I’ll monitor him. I don’t want you worrying over this after the stress of last night.” I turned off the sink and dried my hands. “Look, this all has been… It’s been difficult on you and you haven’t been able to properly meditate. Those helped you. You need some time away from him and me. The Avengers. Why not take a walk? The rain isn’t bad. Wear that coat we picked out.”

           “Not a bad idea,” I crossed my arms and smiled at him. “Fresh air might be nice.”

           “Just keep your phone on you. I want you to know I trust you. I always will. I need you to trust me as well. I know you do. I just have been sheltering you because of this. I hate to see you so overwhelmed.” Loki rubbed my arms through my sweater with his brow knitted together. “We need you to care for yourself.”

           “Yes, you’re right.” I beamed at him, blooming with some affection that clouded me. Loki was anxious and I attributed it to his swelling soul with what happened yesterday. “I’ll clear my head.” He helped me into my coat and I put on some boots.

           “Good, sweetheart, I love you.” Loki kissed my hair again. “So much.”

           “I love you too. Tell Harry that I’ll be back to check on him.”

           “Yes. I will take care of him.” Loki nodded when I moved from him to go out into the hallway. Blinking, I turned and saw Grey standing at the other end. She set her hand out and I sighed before giving in.

           “Let’s go.”

           “You seem relaxed.” Her tone resonated.

           “I’m tired. I am the sizzling fuse creeping toward the explosion.” I peered down at her and we got outside. “Can’t be seen talking to myself.”

           “They won’t pay you any notice.” She watched me puff on air and slip my hands in my pockets. “He wanted you to spill their blood and now he wants you to spill your own. It’s all falling into place you know. Elegantly so.” We walked the cold streets and I brought my hood up. She didn’t shiver. She didn’t blink.

           “What more could Thanos get out of my blood. He has everything.”

           “Not everything. Not yet.” Grey replied. “He just needs it to touch the earth and spillover its edges. He needs you to bleed out fully but you keep giving your blood away to spite him. I think it’s funny.”

           “You would.” I smirked at her and looked ahead. “Gods, what am I doing?”

           “All your friends might die. But, you’ll always have me.”

           “One of my friends did die. I keep seeing it play in my head. We all do. My friends have nightmares in the tower and I can barely comfort them the way I want to.” I was stiff while the light rain misted me. “Steve is so missed.”

           “Captain Rogers knew what he was bleeding for until the end of the line came for him. Swift and violent.” Grey looked up at me. “Do you?”

           “What do you want, child?” I asked finally and she grinned.

           “Always so quick to think I’m the one with an agenda. Perhaps, twist that perception. Twist it like your favorite doll until the head pops off.” She skipped in front of me, walking backwards and no one touched me. No one was looking at me muttering to myself. “Why am I here?”

           “You tend to show up before something cracks apart.” I huffed.

           “I come when called because I am loyal to your mind. Unlike some people.” She stepped out into the road and I jolted but cars merely went through her. Grey lifted into the air, patting her dress out. “That’s better.” She swam about my head like a putti from the paintings I enjoyed, dipping one arm down as we turned the corner to go down a quieter street. “I help you sort through things because you need me. I am rationality. You’re talking to yourself but you look at my face and assure your head that I’m here and not just the deep part of your soul longing to play. To live free once more. You stamp your feet and tear at your curls for solutions and you let me watch. Of course, I never judge.”

           “Skip to the point.”

           “I come because something is not settling right within you and you allow me to show up and highlight that until it sparkles and strobes into your eyes. They burn and that pain brings you back to reality. Somewhat. You felt the impending doom of Stryker coming and you didn’t wake until it was too late. He caught you. Thanos is fishing now and he is an adept fisherman. Lure and hook. What will bait you? You won’t know until you’re pulled aboard. You’re just a salmon swimming upstream to him.”

           “I’m a shark and he’ll fight to catch me. I’d force his hand and bite it off before ever taking it.”

           “Sharks always follow the trail of blood. They want you to save the world. You have no choice but to try.” She sighed and curved down to land at my side when I came to a crosswalk, grasping the bar after I pressed the button and wind echoed into my clothing. I looked back and no one was there. Just Grey and I while cars slipped by us.

           “What isn’t sitting right with me?”

           “Why would  _he_  let you out of his sight? You killed someone and he didn’t care. Neither did you. You’re more upset that you didn’t remember. He know Thanos makes you blackout but doesn’t totally force your hand beyond it. It was all you in a way. Your most primal side coming out just like Thor’s. As it does in all Asgardians when they’re pushed. Loki doesn’t have that because he is a frost giant. His code and his nature will never match you or Thor. The ghost of your pasts are blinking so very brightly. But, these ghosts to come...you know you want them. So too does he.”

           “Loki wanted me to clear my mind because…meditation helps.”

           “Helps who?” Grey shook her head, laughing. “Thanos wound Thor up and watched him go. Now he found a way to do the same with you. He can’t do it with Loki. But, then again, Loki’s curiosity and possessive nature are what gets him into trouble. He's fated to lose always and you love him because he strives to be more than that. Thanos just wants to watch him plead and writhe while he tortures his loved ones. And our dear Loki. He will always only protect what is his. Only his. But, this curiosity… You’re somehow better with yours.”

           “Loki can’t change what’s happening to me.”

           “What  _can_  he control?” Grey walked in front of me while I crossed the street, eyes turned elsewhere. “Loki will always do what  _he_  thinks is right and, as I said, protect what is only  _his_. You helped him expand that, only partially. But, he’s been this way for as long as we can remember. For better…or worse. He thinks he’s helping you and…maybe he is. You just do not want it because you want to help everyone and he knows you’re spent.”

           “I’m not.” I muttered, passing her to go down the sidewalk but she caught up with me.

           “You are sick and refusing treatment. What would you do if it were Loki instead?” She stopped me and I huffed, scratching my head as people moved around me before I turned the corner. Grey stilled my heart. “You’d do what he’s doing right now.”

           “I wouldn’t betray the person I love!” I yelled and caught the attention of humans around me so I started to run. Grey flew up and lingered ahead while I tried to get away from her.

           “He won’t think of it that way, you know him.” She giggled. “All too well.”

           “Leave me alone!” I rushed down an alley and flew up, curving over the building. When I landed, I ran all the way to our building and fell to my knees in the elevator. Catching my breath, I looked up as I felt the souls and practically ripped down the hallway. The door was open so I lunged inside only for Loki to catch me around the waist. “How could you?!” Shield was here along with about half the team. Thor got in front of me, trying to calm me down and Shield was filtering in and out with pieces of the Green Goblin’s suit and glider. Naaki was locked in a bathroom and I kicked Thor across the room when he grabbed for me. He skidded in front of Tony and Loki grappled my arms down, burying his head in my neck.

           “I’m not sorry for this.” Loki breathed. “I am sorry for the pain it will bring you.”

           “You lied to me!” I pushed at him as he forced me against the wood floor. “Harry!”

           “Don’t make this harder, Psych, I'll help you.” Tony eased with a mute expression, kneeling and gesturing to Loki pinning me down. “C'mon, let her go... Hill, let me talk to Fury about this before we-”

           “Harry Osborn is being taken in. He’ll be hospitalized and face what he did.” Maria Hill was level. “I want you to explain why you kept him here in hiding.”

           “He’s dying!” I growled in response, jerking from Loki to slip past them along the floor.

           “Stop her!” Loki called and I got down the hall, pushing agents out of the way.

           “Please!” Harry cracked while they set him up on a gurney and locked restraints around him. Clint was waving agents around and he put his hand up to me.

           “Back up, we have to take him. You know that.” He looked sorry. Jane and Thor were tugging me from the doorway with Natasha and Sam in my line of sight. Bucky was mute next to a window, looking away from me because he could not face my eyes.

           “Look, you know this is the right thing.” Sam attempted and Natasha followed after.

           “You did what you could. They won’t hurt him.” She sighed. “We can’t make another mess of this. You have to pull it together and talk to us.” I realized now that everyone but Peter had arrived and Harry tried to reach for me when they passed with him.

           “Help me! Please don’t let them take me!” Harry was crying out and I felt myself crack so Janet and Hank talked me down with Bruce keeping a distance. I turned when I saw Loki near me before I tore away and lunged at him.

           “I trusted you!” I held his shoulders down, crying when I felt myself unfurl. “He trusted you! He’s good and I felt it!" I was a machine of repetition. "I proved it! You did too and still you betrayed him… He needs me!”

           “They need you more!” Loki grabbed at me with Thor trying to tug me off him. Harry was wheeled out, calling my name over and over.

           “Help me! Please, I don’t want to go!”

           “He’s dying, please, let me watch him. He can’t do anything.” I crawled off Loki. “Maria, please! Clint! Listen to me!” I was ignored and my brain caught fire. “I said, listen to me now!” My hand outstretched the agents around Harry’s bed all paused at once. Their eyes glowed bright in tune with mine and I succumbed to sudden exhaustion. The tendrils left them and I doubled over, shaking my head to rid myself of Thanos coaxing. I coughed up some blood onto the floor and watched it sizzle before I panicked, ripping off my coat to wipe it away. “No! No! He can’t get me!” While everyone was still in shock and staring at me, Hank was the one to kneel down.

           “Hey, it’s alright, breathe. It’s just us.” He touched my back as I scrubbed furiously, shaking my head.

           “No, no, he’s waiting. He’s coming for me. He’ll kill us all. He’ll make me train and force my hands. No.” I looked up and tried to go after Harry again when he called for me.

           “Don’t leave me!” Harry was terrified and I fell forward into Tony and Janet.

           “I won’t!” I tried but he was gone as I slipped to the floor, head pounding.

           “We need to get her to a secure location,” Maria nodded. “You kept a fugitive and didn’t come to the team. They had to hear it from Loki. You realize the situation you almost put us in?”

           “You controlled them.” Thor puffed for air and my head snapped to see him.

           “Yes, Thor! I did.” My chest concaved and I squeezed my eyes shut. “You all were warned about me. Several times. I was warned too. I didn’t…mean to.” I touched the tiles under my hands and held my head when pain scorched, I thought I might explode. "Run... Get away from me!" I felt the rush of power surge along my veins and Thanos put his boot against my back, twisting like I was a bug to be squashed.

           “Back off her,” Loki warned, coming to kneel ahead of me. I was groaning with tight pains filtering up my flesh. “Sweetheart, focus. You’ll lose yourself again. I’m calling it, you’re not well. Failsafe.” Something closed over my wrist and I might have tried to attack Loki. I saw the bright lights again, exploding before my eyes and I was gone once more. My heart was the spine of a book cracking open, ripping to pieces while pages fluttered off.

            _Jump_. I heard the crash and felt ice as I came to standing on the edge of a crane out over the city on our building. Birds flapped. I had my arms spread the same way Steve spread his when the bells tolled and I gasped out in horror. My name was called. Cars rushed about like ants below and I fell over on a steel beam that was rusted and wet.  _How did I get here?_  Fatigued, I looked around and remembered nothing but my head was screaming. Loki was balancing on the other end with my friends rushing up the stairs behind him. Terrified, I reached out but fell when something snapped. My body tumbled down. I saw Grey standing on the ledge watching me before Jane’s arms roughly grabbed mine.

           “I’ve got you!” She held Mjolnir and flew back up, setting me down on the roof so everyone circled me.

           “We need to get her back to the Tower.” Janet spoke as I pushed against the hands reaching out for mine.

           “What happened?” I was huffing and puffing, fingers broke into the stone under me to crumble it into my palms.

           “She needs a hospital.” Hank shook his head and Thor picked me up in his arms to shelter me some from the rain with his large coat.

           “I can’t leave her in some mortal hospital,” Loki seethed.

           “Thanos is goading her, we need to stop this.” Bruce added and everyone was speaking.

           “Debate as you please, I’m taking my friend in to rest.” Thor stepped around them with me and I blinked when we got inside.

           “What happened? What’d I do?” Tired, I peered around. “They took Harry.”

           “You should not have concealed him. They’re going to question you about it.” Thor adjusted. “Did you know you could do that?”

           “A little bit,” my lips lifted until I fell backwards into his arms.

** ** **

           The pounding in my head had slowed to long drones when I woke with miles of drugs in my system. I was not in the Tower, nor an actual hospital; but the health ward of a building Shield took over in New York. I could still feel souls beyond the cuff. I could not use magic and I could not touch them. But, they could still touch me.  _Where is the justice in that?_  The cuff around my wrist felt heavy when I jerked up suddenly to pull at it. Thor and Loki were both instantly at either side of me to calm me down.

           “What happened?” I rasped, clearing my throat while pushing and squirming.

           “Stay down, it took a lot of convincing for them to not restrain you. You scared them good back there.” Natasha was here too with a soothing tone. I blinked at the rest of my team, again without Peter, filtering inside the metal room.

           “You raised a bit of hell,” Bucky offered when I fell back.

           “My head. What did I do?” I squeezed my eyes shut. “ _Harry_. He’s here…down below. Under lock and key. Uncured. Get this cuff off me.”

           “Drink the water,” Loki had my jaw and I pulled from him but took the bottle, scooting away. “Easy.”

           “ _Easy_.” I rippled and Thor touched my shoulder so I would not lunge. “You drugged me.”

           “They needed to run tests and you wouldn’t allow it in your state,” he replied and his calmness shook my bones. My eyes flashed bright at him, the growl in my throat was unnatural and hushed. "Orange light. Nerien. Not the mind stone. Curious how it overpowers these days."

           “Don’t upset her,” Sam came between us so I extinguished. “You’ve got to tell us what you remember and what the hell happened.”

           “Let Bruce look you over,” Jane nodded and I crossed my arms, sitting back before Thor moved so Bruce could near me.

           “That blackout was the worst by what we’ve read in Loki’s notes.” Janet furrowed her brow and I dropped my shoulders. “You’ve gotten stronger with each mission we’ve gone on. Now you can control people. Like the…”

           “Mind stone again. You had to touch people with it though...” Thor finished soft. "No, this feels like more than that. The mind gem is hidden well, it charged you once. It's bound into something else. The beacon the elf shared with you. The orange lights."

           “Loki knew this and tried to help me curve it.  _Oops_. I can’t always do it, just in brief and crystal clear flickers.” I cocked my head and Loki shot me a look when everyone snapped to see him. Bruce nodded for me and I sighed, offering my arm.

           “Anyone else surprised? No.” Tony shifted his hands into his pockets. “Sheltering Osborn was wrong.”

           “So was letting him die. I had to choose and I didn’t have time.”

           “Give her some space, guys.” Bruce gestured and most everyone, but Loki, took or pulled up seats. “She needs to know what we found first. They didn’t do anything to you, all right? We just ran a few routine tests, I was there the whole time. So was Loki. I can’t tell you definitively what you have in Asgardian standards and I’m sorry. We did find that your brain was swelled. That’s not a good symptom.”

           “It didn’t sound like one.” I sighed. “I assume Loki told you what occurred with Harry. I won’t lie and say I was going to tell you eventually because I wasn’t. He was so near death and the fact that I could bring him back from that, even if it’s temporary. I had to act. He was speaking so clearly and those drugs, they took a toll but he fought them. I saw…I saw him. Harry Osborn is not his father. Surely most of you can understand my sentiment… I just wanted to help him. I told him I would. He was the first person to ask for me when I got back into this life. We both paid prices after. I think we just wanted to mend those mistakes. He’s alone, so he thinks. I didn’t want him to die that way. As for my head, it seems you all knew I was blacking out before I did. That hurt me. No matter, Thanos still hasn’t gotten through and he prods but he will not control me further… I won't join him. Have you told Peter or Mary Jane about Harry?”

           “We didn’t contact him, we wanted to handle this first.” Thor spoke over everyone’s rambling. “He should be told.”

           “Give me my phone and I’ll do it myself…” I looked down at my body under the thin blanket. A blue cotton nightgown. “Who the hell changed me?”

           “I did…with care.” Loki gripped the side of the bed.

           “Well, I’d like to leave, I’m feeling much better. I’d like to see Harry, I know he’s submitted here to be moved later. I can still feel souls despite this cuff, let's go and handle this.” I shifted and Loki touched my shoulder. No one moved.

           “You jumped out a window and scaled a building. Almost leapt as if to kill yourself.” He furrowed his brow. “You looked like you wanted to.”

           “I'm not trying to kill myself. You know I wouldn't...I'm not that person anymore. I would have flown if this wasn’t on me.” I about shoved it under his nose and he took my hand. “Where are my clothes? If I cannot see Harry yet, take me back to Avengers Tower.”

           “You’re staying here for seventy-two hours.” Loki stood taller and I scoffed.

           “I can’t linger, I have to keep moving.” I sighed deliberately. “We’ve all made so much progress but our work is far from finished. Thanos. The Ravencroft escapees that still need rehabilitation. Stryker has a plan, we all know it, and the X-Men will be in dire trouble. And this talk on Sentinels to  _control_  mutants. The registration acts were only the beginning. I can't...sit still. Asgard taught us well to take action.”

           “Fantastic Four are looking into it. You’re right. We’ve gotten so much done. It was a long year...and it’s not over,” Sam stood up. “You did well. Really well. But, we agreed that maybe you need a break. You have to care about yourself. We have to stop Thanos and this is part of it. Last time our team wasn’t healthy, we all paid a price.”

           “Thanos won’t stop until he is here.” I replied.

           “Why was Osborn so…important to you?” Loki asked in a forced voice and I trembled.

           “He prayed to me.” My brow lifted, eyes watering as I tried to make my somber friends understand. “No one has ever prayed to me before so explicitly. I’ve never known that…sensation. I didn’t understand at first. Beings pray to you, Loki. They pray to Thor. Odin. Sif. Frigga. All the time. It’s a commonplace. But, never to me. You know what it is to feel them reaching out with clasped hands, praying with words so soft and clear to bless them. The Norns are watching and pushing. Thanos tries to obscure these prayers but he…and I… I hear them even now. Louder by the minute.”

           “We pushed you. We pushed each other. But, we can’t…” Tony trailed off and tried to be lighter. “Can’t lose another one.” I watched them all stand, a few tried to part with goodbyes. Bucky came and pressed a fluffy blanket I liked from home into my arms, trying to make me feel better as best he could.

           "Time will fly by, get some rest and we'll be waiting for you to come home." He'd offered, cupping the back of my head to kiss my temple before touching Loki's shoulder when he passed to follow.

_I could fight. I could run._

_I could._

           “Where is my phone? My clothing? Loki…” I tried to sit up and he pressed me back. Grey spoke over me when he met my eyes. “Don’t leave me here.” My team turned and I read their faces. Guilt.

           “Banner, get it over with.” Loki held my shoulders. I didn’t kick or scream. Bruce looked away when my gaze snapped to him after Loki nodded and a needle plucked my arm.

           “Bruce…” I pulled back as he stood, shaking his head.

           “For the pain.” Bruce cleared his throat and I grabbed his wrist. “Few days. Bucky's right. They’ll fly by. We can't let Thanos hurt you further. We’ll get you back to the Tower.” He looked into my eyes and read them perfectly.  _You don’t think you should stay as well, Doctor. Plenty of beds for you and the Hulk. Shield fears us both._

           “Why do I have to stay here? You know the story, please. I'll rest in the Tower.” I looked up when Thor leaned over to kiss my cheek. “What happened on that building is…it isn’t all me. I don’t want to die. You know this. I want to continue doing what I can for the team. It helps me. I’m fighting Thanos, you all know that. You see it every day. He’s manipulating us, you know he is.”

           “We don’t doubt you.” Bucky was soft, clearing his throat. “He’s dragging behind you. It’s your fight. Can’t do it alone and we can’t watch you try to anymore.”  _Those words. So like Loki._

           “We’ve talked about it. They told me that…if you remained here for just a few days, they can run tests and I detest mortal medicine but we’re at the end of our rope. If we cooperate, Shield will not persecute you further. The alternatives are worse because of what everyone saw you do. If I can narrow down what this is or how we can treat it with our methods…I am trying to be open. I hate this, sweetheart. I hate it more than anything. You won't rest unless we force it. It goes against promises I made but I… I watched you up there…wide awake. Smiling. Ready to jump. I cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot lose you to this beast and I cannot stand by while your mind deteriorates.”

           “ _You’re_  at the end of your rope.” I corrected and he kissed my head before cuffing me down and muttering a spell to keep me there. A gasp filtered out my lips as everyone looked away from me. They created negative space between our souls. “I won’t fight. Stop acting like I’ll explode, sweetheart, that comes later. Thanos wants you all to do this, you know. We’re just playing into his hands like puppets and…don’t leave me here.”

           “We’re not turning,” Jane pushed past Loki and sat down. “You really terrified us and we want you to seek help and we’re not equipped to give you that. We’re not sure where Thanos ends and your mind begins and I hate…I’m so sorry…I hate saying this. You’re my friend and we love you. We need you to rest and take care of this. Tony’s right. We can’t lose another teammate.” I understood. I really did. Would I make this choice? I was not sure.

           “Let me come home.” I touched Jane’s hand and she squeezed mine before slipping away and Loki took her place, reaching into his pocket.

           “I already signed and gave permission for you to remain here. They'll take necessary steps to keep you if you try to leave. Three days. That’s it. Shield will provide their own professionals because Asgard...we're at our end. I can’t…” Loki heated. “I love you. When you are cleared, you’ll come to the Tower and continue this work. We’ll have something made by that time. I won’t rest until your mind can.”

           “Rest? I hope you enjoy walking on broken glass with me on the other side of the veil. Maybe you're afraid to cross over. Something isn't. We won't stop Thanos. He will come. That much is certain. But, something out there...something out there can destroy him and I will do anything for it.” I smacked back against the gurney, hands gripping the bars before I clenched my teeth and growled a suppressed scream between my teeth. Metal squeezed between my fingers like goo. “Please, don’t go.” I sputtered, watching them display regret and sorrow. The words to stop this touched their lips. But, none were uttered. Loki kissed my hand this time and turned to leave.

          They left me alone. I wept and didn’t stop when the mortal agents arrived to begin screening me. After it passed, I went blank and didn’t fight them as an IV was put into my arm. The drugs were better. I tried not to think I was back in Stryker's clutches. An hour later, I heard the door and my eyes blurred a figure together before Sharon Carter was looking down at me.

           “Can you hear me?” Sharon looked at the many machines so I panned to focus on her, eyes half-lidded. Alone, she pulled a seat up and I opened my lips.

           “That’s the same startling, unobtainable shade of red lipstick I observed on your Aunt Peggy when first I saw her photograph.” I ghosted a faltering smile, eyes turned away from her. “Maria send you? Nick? Tony? Oh, Jane or Bucky perhaps? The team worries so.”

           “You’re quick to think everyone always has an agenda.” Sharon noted with a light tone.

           “I am also not wrong to think that,” I sighed, melting into the sheets under me.

           “No, you’re not.” She hesitated, but stood to sit on the bed instead, sighing again when she looked once more to the needle in my arm and cuff locked into place. “Are the drugs really necessary?” Sharon scoffed and moved to do something about it and I warmed but stopped her, hand lifting.

           “Leave them.” I elaborated. “Here I can…float. Can you float, Sharon? You’ll have to soon.”

           “Who am I talking to right now?” She stared into my eyes until they glittered and I beamed a larger smile, sitting up to curve forward. “It’s you. I know because you keep bending around the full truth. Your last defenses to signal the others. They'll appreciate it when they figure it out.”

           “I just…I obfuscate.” I was steady. “It amuses him. He could be listening in on all of us.” Sharon sat back, lips upturning while she shook her head and pulled a chocolate bar from her pocket. She snapped it in half and offered one to me. “You’ve been speaking to Harry Osborn.” I took it with a nod so she shrugged.

           “Doing my job. He had a lot to say about the last two years. About his friends. About you. I told Peter. He took it…heavily.” Sharon paused to take a bite when I did, eyes shifting around. “I keep going back to that day. Steve had a target on his back long before I met him. Long before we dated. He knew that.”

           “Yes, he did.” I stopped, changing my tone to something aloof. “Are you here to lecture me about Osborn and my secrets?”

           “We’ll get there. I want to talk about the press conference first.” She swallowed. “Hard as it is still.”            

           “Is throwing yourself into work helping? I hope for moments between all this chaos, that it sets you at ease. Steve cared deeply about you. He was happier too, coming home late from those dinners or films.”

           "Used to point out inconsistencies with films about his time." Sharon smiled more so to herself. "I started to pick the most inaccurate movies I could, it drove him wild. We'd meet at that corner cafe, he was always early. Always had a drawing ready to lift my spirits after work at Shield."

           "You two had fun together. A happy, healthy relationship built on simplicity and respect. Who could ask for more?" I let my head rest against the bar, gripping it. "It meant something and it always will. I miss him."

           "I do too. Every day still." Sharon admitted, shoulder dropping.

           "You had questions for me."   

           “Yes, I... Was it Thanos targeting Steve or was it Hydra?”

           “The question of the year, Agent Carter. You’re the first to ask it.”

           “Pretend for a moment that it’s just us and you don’t have to obfuscate.”

           “It’s always been Hydra. Baron Von Strucker. They wanted him dead from the first. Thanos watches and likes what he sees. He’ll give orders here. There. We’ll know. I’ll know. Thanos would have kept Steve alive longer to pick him apart. But, Hydra burned a symbol for all to see. Thanos would rather come kill us himself but, he didn't object I assume. They both wanted to make a point and Steve... We made this all so difficult for that great titan. So, what could be better? We all go over the events in such detail, hoping to rewrite the ending. But, there isn’t an alternate. It’s not your fault, Sharon. Maybe, in time, I’ll convince myself that it isn’t mine either to some degree. We have Rumlow and Hydra will want him back. Thanos will as well. Without the stones, he needs his own champions until he gets to me. Not just the Black Order. Now more than ever. That is all anyone wants these days. An idol at their side. Equal or not in your eyes. Someone to play with. Someone to pick you up and someone who just might allow you to return the favor because this powerful being has turned their gaze to trust you. How special.”

           “Do you know who Hydra is targeting next?”

           “No. I don’t. Strucker is untouched by Thanos for now. Not to say they don’t have contact. This alliance benefits them both but soon Thanos will move on. He always does. Strucker won’t survive it. The Other is lucky Thanos kept him this long. I do hope to watch him die.”

           “Certain about that? Moving on?”

           “He moved on from Loki to me. Quite easily. Too easily. He knows something I don't still. And when I resisted, he took Thor as a boon for a time. Sometimes I still think he has a part of Thor twisted into his grasp.”

           “Janet and Jane both mentioned you are…different around Thor. More prone to anger. I think that part of Thanos that rubbed off on Thor is what you’re fighting because he gets too close and you…lock up.”

           “Are you religious, Sharon?”

           “Not particularly.”

           “I just wondered.” I was twisting the sheet into my grasp, falling back against my mattress. “Thor hears prayers every minute of every day. It’s a wonder he wasn’t mad growing up. Maybe he was. I wouldn’t have been able to tell.” I tugged at a stray curl to let it bounce, eyes flickering to my friend. “We can talk about Harry and then I think you should go.” Sharon sighed my name. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate you coming to me as a friend. It’s dangerous for both of us. Prying. Everyone tries and I put a stop to it for good reason. I’m giving you all I can but we’re never alone. The team doesn’t understand that I have to play and lie and I cannot stop.”

           “If Thanos doesn’t like what I have to say, come and get me.” Sharon stood to raise her voice. “Thanos is a coward sending everyone else to do his bidding. Torturing my friends from another world. Maybe he’s scared to come here because he can’t hide behind those stones or you now. But, I’m just mortal, what do we know?” I smiled only because I felt the cold silence for the first time. Sharon was still talking but I couldn’t hear her anymore until I blinked, humming in question. She slid back into her seat. “He hear me?”

           “Clearly, I imagine.” I tapped my fingers against the metal cuff to hear the rattling of chains. Fondly, I recalled the sound often when I walked miles high in Asgard’s prisons. Eyes watched while I passed from in and out of cells. Usually with fear or intrigue. Fingers coveted the smallest caress of my skin, knowing the layers would shed and they would be forgotten.

           “I won’t ask why you helped Harry, I bet you’re tired of that question.” Sharon got up and flicked something off. “Tape recorder.”

           “Walking a dangerous line, Sharon.” I noted, displaying my full amusement.

           “Only fair. I was wondering what your plans for him in the future held?” She rejoined me and I beamed wider than I should have.

           “Plans? Sharon Carter, I don’t plan. I’m not Loki. I try. I try hard. But, I just follow the sway of heated emotion. Alone or not. I find that I get taken to the most interesting places that way. It brought me to Loki. It brought me up those steps in Asgard’s throne room. It brought me into so many arms of women and men around me. So many souls, so much time. For me at least. I think… It took me high to greet Thanos and higher to look at the Norns. Suppose it brought Harry to me too. So, I ask myself similar questions. By the gods, what have I done? What am I going to do? What am I capable of doing? Time and time again, I fall and rise. Do you enjoy art history? I do.  _Transverberation_. Pierced to the core with such utter heavenly ecstasy that simple things like pain and pleasure blur while you manifest into such an extraordinary experience of euphoria. You increase. You gain a spiritual awareness that puts all bodily matter to shame.” I reached out like that shadow of an aching hand following me would finally reach back. Distantly, I scoffed with watery eyes when I recalled a sweeter tone. “You…become the turning point of a moving world. The point between the Earth and Valhalla itself.” I dropped my arm with a loose twist of my neck toward my friend, watching so carefully to  _really_  hear me. “That’s where I am now. That’s where I’ve always been since I was a poor nothing of a hopeful child. I fought. Valiantly. What I want and what I need. Neither of those things are here at this precise moment but I make do with what I have because my life isn’t the only one on the line. You know this well.”

           “Yes.” She paused. “Helping everyone. Helping Harry. Helped you? These powers and forces tugging you around, you want them because you want to be strong enough for the entire world. Sometimes, it’s fine to just be strong enough for a few once in a while. The world will understand.”

           “No, it won’t understand. Gods are always to blame for falling worlds. The first part is, however, still correct. That is a real tragedy. I’m supposed to get better here and I know that won’t happen. I hope I have enough time to waste. Maybe I'll create some." I remembered a beautiful and distant moment in time when Loki and I had just started our lessons. "Tell the team I do miss them and tell them I forgive them. I think they will forgive me. I hope so.” I watched Sharon stand and turn around before I exhaled. “Sharon, I am getting stronger and I won’t stop.” She turned with her hand on the door to see my eyes. “Not for any soul in this cursed realm. I couldn’t even if I tried. Every single time I have increased, though, I’ve fallen off the board and been sent back to start over. I build myself up and watch myself fall. Diving lower and raising higher each time. Rolling the dice endlessly and waiting my turn. This time, that won’t be the case. Understand? Sharon…do you understand what I’m saying?” I watched it resonate in her eyes and felt total relief.

           “Better grab onto something.” Sharon blinked and smiled softly so I returned it. “See you later.” She offered my name just so I could hear it and left me.

           So, I waited. I sat back and I just waited because I was supposed to wait. I was supposed to share my story until my breath was gone. Until I could make them understand without Thanos prying into my syllables. Thanos liked it when I cried so I wept hard. The mortal doctor came again and took notes while I rambled and sniffled about my miserable beginnings and my father and Stryker. About harsh trials in Asgard and how I was younger than my great friends and always trying to match them on the training grounds. About Nerien and these abilities manifesting within my soul. About how lonely I still was at times with them. I could touch anyone. Anyone. And I was alone.

           They taped everything. I wondered if my friends watched on in the Tower. I gave them a good show and encore. Why did I feel so alone? I thought I’d feel relieved. They sedated me gently but always told me before and I let them because I didn’t want to be conscious. I did not break. Not here. Not for them. Any of them.

           Security was lax the next day. Agents were busy into the night. I wondered if my friends still felt that regret. The need to come back for me early. But, I was still hurting. This wasn’t right. The people here talked to me like I was a little girl and not an adult god from another world who could crush them into nothing. Like I hadn’t thought about it. They tested me like I couldn’t read between the lines and soar forth into fate and foreshadowing. I would not learn what I needed here. Not with my own team.

           Being a god, you go where you're needed most. And I realized all at once that maybe my team. My loved ones. They did not need me most of all right now. My heart ached with such a revelation. I longed to go where I was needed again. So, I clasped my hands. Prayed soft and sweet. And then I would wait again for my wishes to flutter back and burn me. My friends. These people here. I was unstable to them and that was fair. Not taken seriously when I needed it from the first in Asgard.  _Manic_. Scary finally when I lost my sweetness. The shy, quirky girl is actually not cute when she’s lashing out and depressed beyond any belief. But of course, shyness can still be sexual to them. Thanos liked it when I flirted. That manic woman, however, is not cute when you realize you cannot save her. When her grief bites into your time. Clicking, rocking, cutting, scratching, muttering, and hyperventilating aren’t things that make you want to fuck me. You cannot stand it. Talking to yourself is endearing until it sets them on edge. Until you go from innocent to odd to erratic.

           People stop caring then and wonder why you can’t be normal. Why you cannot fit into a standard. The quirks they posted upon my back are washed away and now I’m just a project. Mental illness was a stamp. People give themselves gold stars for making the  _crazy_  girl smile once as if they cured her. They pretended to care and yet, they didn’t try to understand. Not really. Friends leave when they pull you into the thick of it and pretend you’re the one who dragged them there. They  _psychoanalyze_  and then pat themselves on the back for being special because they think they know what they’re talking about once they ask for our insight and yet, they’d sell us out in a heartbeat. Reeling open an old soul doesn't make you special. They’d push us aside when someone else holds them. Someone _normal._  They leave you to romance someone else they can impress with your stolen words.They leave you half dissected on a table.

 _Oh,_ look at the depth of that soul. They splash and then blame us when they drown. They grow upset when I’m not eating treats from their hands. Enlightened after knowing us, they go on and spread the fucking wisdom so others will be drawn to them. They just want to be deep too. Pathetic. Never forget your creator, bitch.

           I didn’t.

           Sweet girl. Nice girl. You’re being  _irrational_  and overreacting, girl. Pretend you’re not depressed, girl. Have you ever told the voices to stop or just ignored them? Have you ever tried stretching and fresh air because that’ll cure your trauma? Bullshit. Oh, but we  _care_. We locked you up to help you because we care about your broken brain. Give us a kiss. Give us the deep insight into your mind, oh wise and old soul, you’re special. You’re different. Your stepfather molested you. Raped you. That shaped you into a special, special girl. I’ll fuck you better. I’ll screw you just right. So, come to me because I’ll pat your head and after you open up, I can go home and feel good about myself. You are a wild, iridescent concept. I did you a favor. And I’ll leave you behind for someone not crazy afterwards because now I can graduate with all the knowledge you gave me.

            _They’re laughing at me, all of them._  I finally understood for the briefest moment why mutilating myself and watching the wound heal gave me more comfort than a warm body next to mine. Give me deep advice that I’ll ignore, old soul. Give me a sweet connection that I can make the same mistakes in over and over. But, I’m the hero because I listened to your sob story and threw you a few bones.

           But, _oh,_ I made mistakes too. I let them in. I was too sensitive. I lashed out. I let them think, perhaps know, that I had humanity. The sad secret to true manipulation was letting the other person think they won. That was torture. Sometimes I just…hated those around me because I knew it. I knew that this life was painted to look prettier than it actually was. I knew I saw people for what they were. Yet, I was the bad guy for pointing it out. I get angry when others do not see what I can, I know I shouldn’t. And when they ask my opinion and do not believe me until they crawl back so I can lick their wounds. They are just so desperate and terrible and willing to use me; but they don’t realize it and that is the real crime. I was tired of shallow souls. I was tired of careless souls. I was tired of them using mine to stroke their egos until they came harder than anyone else will ever make them. And in all this shit, I was too busy being self-absorbed with my own illness and heartfelt revelations, I didn’t realize that Harry Osborn had been standing over me with a Taser in his hand. His lips moved and I came up for air fully.

           “Harry…” I breathing, unblinking. He realized that I was sedated well and tugged at the doctor’s disguise, pulling his mask away. It was all so familiar. I giggled, tired as hell. Sighing, I observed an open sore on his neck, branching out with a tinge of green and the scars healed on his face. Brown hair was shinier and thicker already, lighter than it was before. He seemed shaken but he was standing and alert. More so than I. “Have you come to trade some mistakes with me?”

           “Lady.” When his lips lifted, I felt like I might be alright for the first time in months. “We don’t have much time. Security shifted, I knocked some guys out with this. I’m getting you out of here, I heard they kept you on watch. You don’t belong here. I’m leaving this place, I have work to finish. I need you again. Say no, I’ll walk away.” He was holding a large pair of bolt cutters, snapping chains from me when I didn’t scorn him in my awe.

           “How’d you get out?”

           “That woman. The agent. Blonde hair. Red lipstick-”

           “Sharon.” I smiled and sniffed back a sob.

           “She told me where you were. Told me I needed to run,” Harry was trying to hurry, straining against the cutters to snap them shut. “Didn’t say why she was helping. I think it was meant for you.”

           “…Cut this as well, magic binds the wearer from breaking it. Don’t open my wrist.” I lifted my hand and the cuff clattered to the floor. Groaning, I stumbled to get up and Harry helped me instinctively. “That’s better. Water.” He hurried to fill me a cup and I scrambled to open drawers and lockers until I found my torn clothing and dead phone. “This’ll do for now.”

           “I need you to help me get out of here. You won’t leave, right?” He paused upon seeing a mirror and touched his cheek, sliding his hand up into his healthier hair. “We almost match, you know.” He gave me the cup and I agreed.

           “I noticed…and no, I won’t leave you behind.” I drank greedily and put my head under the sink, drinking and washing my face. “I behaved and Shield is spread thin, security won’t be an issue. We need to find a window, one we can fit out of as opening holes in a building is something I’m trying to avoid. I know where I have to go.”

           “I need to disappear for…until I end this. Once and for all.”

           “End this? Revenge upon Oscorp. Will that make you happy?”

           “No. But, it’s all I got now until I’m gone.” He looked at the back of my head.

           “I don’t believe that to be all truth.” I rummaged through a cabinet. “They took blood, here. For a rainy day.”

           “You trust me.” Harry curled his hand around mine and took the vial when I nodded.

           “I give it to you or Thanos will spill it. He’s been trying.” I gestured and he turned so I could change, partially with magic. “I feel a shift, they know you are gone. This way.” Harry rushed to keep up with me while we padded down the hall and turned the corner. Silent, I took his arm so he’d stay with me and we pressed to the wall when a group of security passed. “Wait. I have to send a message.”

           “What are you doing?” Harry tugged at me. “The stairs are the other way.”

           “Freeze.” Agent Clint Barton appeared behind us and I smiled, turning. “Step away from her.”

           “Clint.” I began.

           “What are you doing?”

           “Trying not to make a mess.” I tilted my head. “How am I doing?”

            “Solid seven out of ten so far… You were being let go tomorrow.” His gun was pointed behind me while Harry raised his Taser. I took his hand and lowered it, holding to him while I stepped ahead to shield his body.

           “I’m going to get help that I know I won’t find here.” I watched his eyes. “Clint, you must understand.”

           “They're trying to help you but... Look, I didn't want it to go this way.”

           “I know and I appreciate that and I’m not leaving the team…I’m doing exactly what they want. Getting help. Something more is wrong in the world and maybe I can slow that as well. Lower the gun, let us go.”

           “You know I can’t let him go.” Clint shook his head, looking at me with a genuine wave of understanding.

           “He’s still dying,” I shook my head. “I’m still ill. Shield can’t change either. Turn around, let us both disappear for a while. I don’t relish disappearing from the team because it isn’t fair to them. It isn’t. But, I… Thanos was in your brain once for a flicker of time. I know you understand why my hands are bound. Tell the team that I’m sorry and I’ll come home soon. I have to handle something first. They need to focus on their own ends.”

           “Don’t do this.” Clint tried, softer now before he lowered his gun.

           “I have to. I’m taking Harry out of here. You cannot stop me.” I turned. “See you later, my friend.”

           “Take a right. Third door. There’s a window.” Clint cleared his throat.

           “Thank you, Clint.” I was pulling Harry along with me while souls marched up the stairs. The window broke against my elbow before I picked Harry up and we both flew out.

           “Can you take me to my house? My family’s house, I mean.” He clung and looked up, utterly in awe of me, while I hid between buildings.

           “Is it far? I might not make it.”

           “No, it’s safe, believe it or not.” Rain began as the sky grew darker, Harry and I made it to a mansion distantly from the city.

           “House…right.” I landed and he shrugged.

           “You grew up in Asgard.”

           “I was poor, my family home was small. The palace dorms were more impressive.” I watched him use his fingerprint to unlock the door. Monochromatic furniture was covered in plastic and dusting over.

           “Our butler always took care of things…he raised me. I need to find out where he is, he might help. I haven’t been here since I last saw my father before he died. Treated it like a cave but took good care of it.” Harry didn’t bother with lights and I sent an orb up to follow after him, illuminating the space. “Thanks. You can clean up here and move on to what you need to do. We have cars but keys are missing.”

           “I can hotwire one but it’s risky if any are on the radar. We’ll figure something out.” I thanked him when he passed me a towel, looking around the cold, massive home. It must have been warm once, even if for a moment. Art covered the walls with no family photos. “Steve taught me how a ways back. Every time one was stolen, we cast it and reported it later. Left money to get it fixed.”

           “Captain America showed you how to hotwire a car?”

           “He was our resident bad boy at times.” I joked and Harry smiled at that. I watched his cheeks tug around the scars and cocked my head.

           “Hey, so I am…I heard about…”

           “It’s fine, you don’t have to say anything.” I followed him up the stairs.

           “When we lost Gwen, I… God, I blamed Peter for her and my father was… I didn’t know but I blamed Spider-Man. I was so wrong. I rubbed my hate for Spider-Man in Peter’s face. I couldn’t see that he needed me as badly as I needed him. I’m an idiot.”

           “You still have time, Harry,” I touched his shoulder. “With Shield so tied up, they will have to prioritize. That is your chance to do what you must. We have authorities on our side around this world, watching over the innocent because war is coming…and we cannot stop it. This, I know. They don’t understand. Get your affairs in order and our paths will cross again.”

           “Oscorp buried all those people. Their mistakes. In my name. I have to clear it while my head is in one piece.” Harry paused. “You can use the shower in this room and maybe I can find something better for you to wear before you go.”

           “You could also…come with me after this.” I offered. “I, uh, I could keep you safe. I could keep working to heal you. It’s what you asked of me from the first.” Harry wanted to say yes. I could see it. “You wouldn’t have to be alone.”

           “The Green Goblin is still inside me. I’m going to go through hell with withdrawals and him in my ear. I have time, but not much. I have to work at this, even if it’s on my own for a bit. I’m scared I’m going to die a nothing, just like my father.”

           “I think Harry Osborn will cast a larger shadow.” I paused when he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing so tight. My arms lifted, uncertain before warmth raised from my heart and I held him back; my head tipped to rest on his shoulder. “I forgive you, Harry.” I offered when we both shuddered, locked together. “Forgive yourself. As well as you can.”

           “I’m sorry,” Harry pulled from me and wiped his eyes before I could see them. “Everything…I wasn’t, ah, I wasn’t myself. But, I put you in danger and I will never hurt you again. Please believe me.”

           “We rarely are ourselves it seems. You're not a bad person, run with that.” I swallowed and peered away. “This room?”

           “Yeah, water should work. Might be cold. Should have what you need though.”

           “I don’t mind the cold. You have my thanks for this.”

           “I owe you,” he paused. “I’ll be at the end of the hall if you need anything.” After I beamed, we parted. Sighing under the spray later, I relished the cold water while I scrubbed and got out to dry. I used magic to clean and med some pieces of clothing before I put them on and wandered the house in search of Harry. I came upon him in what looked like Norman’s study, a bookcase was opened up from the wall with a secret door and bright light shining out of it.

           “Harry.” I beckoned, stepping down before I saw the room. “By the nine…” Wall to wall orbs and weapons from the Green Goblin covered the space. Unfinished suits. Stolen technology covered desks and other machines. Half built gliders. “Harry.” I touched his back and he turned.

           “Peter…if my math is right, he’s been Spider-Man since he was fifteen. I was sixteen. My dad started this around that time. I’m twenty now. He left me Oscorp. His legacy. This sat here for years. Peter fought him alone and lost Gwen. I should’ve been there, I was consumed with impressing my father. He never loved me, I thought he could. I thought he’d at least  _try_. He left me all this to smother me one last time.”

           “Just as you said, Harry, you still have some time. You can make some peace. You owe Norman Osborn nothing. Not in this life or the next. We should go. They know we’re both gone. They’ll look for us.” I watched him turn before he nodded and picked up a suitcase.

           “We need some clothing and equipment. I won’t ask where you’re going but you might need a few things.” Harry led me to a giant portraiture of his father and pulled it back to reveal a safe. Entering the combination, he opened it to display some emergency supplies including a lot of cash. “Dad won’t need this anymore. Can I buy you an outfit or two?”

           “I’m inclined to refuse but I have no clothing or money so I’ll allow it. I can disguise us with a little charm if you like… It is good to see you looking healthier but you should have a seat and let me fix you up some more.”

           “Clipped my claws away. That was nice,” Harry plopped down and closed his eyes when a healing spell neared his face.

           “Teeth,” I spoke and he parted his lips so I could fix them. “You have all your hair back. You actually look yourself again, save a few scars.” Harry mumbled something and I pulled from him, the light in my hand extinguished.

           “Some kind of healing magic?”

           “I studied under the Queen and her best healers when I was of age to get out of my home. In Asgard, I was a sort of wanderer. Between healing, warrior training, and sorcery…a lot in between. They tied together after a while. Asgardians certainly know how to keep busy, it wasn’t unusual for some of us to walk many paths.” I worked on the wound along his neck and felt his pulse speed under my palms. “You don’t spend a lot of time being close to others.”

           “Why are you trying so hard with me?” He’d inquired instead.

           “Because you asked me. Remember?”

           “I do now.” Harry watched me stand. “Thank you.”

           “No need for that, Harry. You’re just beginning. Grab what else you need, we have to move.” I turned and he listened. The sky was overcast with light sprinklings of rain. Harry and I flitted through aisles and tossed items into a basket, picking out clothes as well. We purchased with cash and changed, disposing of our clothing after and I fixed my bag over my shoulder. “You could still come with me, you know.”

           “I have to disappear for awhile.” Harry thanked me, a bag on one shoulder and his father’s briefcase in the other. The sky was painted in grey still so we both brought hoods up for cover.

           “I tossed my phone to buy us some time. Thank you, Harry, for the clothes and all.” I hesitated but hugged him. He responded to that, nodding after. “Take care of yourself.”

           “Yeah,” Harry replied and I turned, waving for a taxi.

           “The charm will disguise you for another two hours. Do what you must.” A taxi stopped and the man got out to help me with my bags. Harry dropped another wad of cash in my pocket.

           “For your trouble.” He paused when I did at the door. “You’re not going to kiss me goodbye,  _Lady?”_ His eyes watered when I took his chin and angled to kiss one cheek, emotions connecting but briefly.

           “Go forth, fix your name. Not your father’s.” I waved and turned to get in but paused and stopped him once more. “Harry.”

           “Yes?” He fixed his scarf and leather jacket, ready to go.

           “Keep angry.” I shrugged. “Use it well.”

           “Yeah…you too.” Harry waved this time and used my name. I got in the taxi and pressed my hand to the window while we took off and Harry Osborn disappeared into the crowd behind me.

           “Where to?” The driver spoke and I gave him an address before thanking him. “Visiting New York?”

           “Seeing some friends, yes.”

** ** **

           It was daylight fully as I scaled a steel gate and walked the gravel path up to Xavier’s School. I could hear children and teens out when I knocked on the door and Scott Summers pulled it open, leaning against the side before he gave an audible scoff.

           “Damn it.”

           “Yes, I get that…more often than not.” I pulled my sunglasses off. “Who contacted you about my disappearance?”

           “Stark actually. Sounded worried.” Scott crossed his arms, red shades glinting in the light behind me.

           “Will you tell them you saw me?” I raised one brow.

           “Depends on why you’re here.”

           “You have hot coffee in there? We can start there.” I watched him hold the door open and let me inside. “I appreciate this, Scott.”

           “Kitchen,” he cocked his head and I followed, entering to see Logan, Ororo, and Jean around the table. Darwin came in from the other room and went to me first, hugging me. I realized I was shaken but he didn’t comment.

           “What happened? We got word an hour ago.”

           “I, ah, broke out of 72 hour mental psych holding. Well, Harry Osborn broke me out. It’s been an odd week. I can explain in greater detail.” I clutched my bag. “I need help and I think I can find it here. Jean.” I touched my fist to my chest and bowed a little. “May I approach the table…?”

           “Just lunch,” Ororo waved me over and Scott went to the fridge.

           “My team is worried and they have every right to be. I’ll contact them but I needed to speak to you all first. I can’t counter Thanos any longer. Well, I can hide in my sleep but now he’s breeching while I’m awake. You can feel it, Jean, I know. You see him just as I do now. I’m trying to hold myself accountable but I need to gain some control back before he gets me again. I want to do what you and Charles can. This…scrap of control I see you both exercise is something I do not have. I know you struggle too and I think we can help each other. There is no one like me. No one else who can hope to teach me what I think you can. Meditation is something but, he’s changed the game again and I can barely keep up. Shockingly, Cerebro was the safest I felt in a long time. In return, I can help the school. Protect it while I’m near. I love your children and I think I could help them while I still have time here.”

           “Come sit down,” Ororo cocked her head. “Eat. Have coffee.”

           “Thank you.” I slipped down and Jean shared a look with Scott before he set a fresh mug in front of me. I was starved and tried not to pig out when Darwin slid a plate over.

           “We’ll have to talk with Charles, you know.” Jean watched me gulp before I munched on fresh bread and I nodded.

           “Forgive me, this is delicious.”

           “What do you know about the Sentinels?” Logan cut in smoothly and I hesitated.

           “I know they were built to help but I know they’re not going to.” I wiped my lips with a napkin and slowed, swallowing. “I know they’re just prototypes now but if the government doesn’t swing once and for all to the real side of mutants, they’re going to cause more harm than good.” I laced my fingers together and watched Scott sit down by Jean, looping his arm behind her chair. “Stryker’s been quiet, I know that’s a problem. I know your head professor seeks peace but I also know that your older children wish to protect themselves. I am Asgardian, I can teach them how. They could benefit from not only training but careful meditation. We don’t know what’s coming.”

           “If you cause trouble here, we’ll have to let you go.” Scott added carefully.

           “Yes, I understand.” I sipped. “Are you going to tell the Avengers I am here?”

           “Yes,” Jean peered at Ororo and Logan then Scott and Darwin. All nodding. “Later perhaps. You help us and we’ll see what we can do for you. Why is it you think you’ll be better off healing here at the moment?”

           “It’s…shockingly peaceful. I was happiest not just because Loki and I were in hiding. But, I got to help humans and mutants alike when I taught self-defense. Thanos is lingering and I hold so much back. Helping is how I’m able to share. How I’m able to make a difference. I’m of mind to think everyone deserves a chance, you know?”

           “Well, first, we need you to pull yourself back together. Then, you can help our students. Safety is the top priority.” Ororo began and Jean agreed.

           “Cerebro is powerful but so are you. It only goes as far as Earth.” Jean sat back, touching her lips before she sighed and I got the idea.

           “My mind is a danger here. Bruce…he ran tests and I'm sure he told you. My brain is inflamed. Swelling. I suffered a seizure like a mortal.”

           “Suppose you put your mind somewhere else, farther than Earth and its people. Just for a while. Would that give you a chance to heal up?”

           “I wouldn’t doubt it.” I paused. “I’d need my body watched over while I’m elsewhere.”

           “We can handle that.” Darwin gave me a nod. “Any idea on where exactly your mind is going?”

           “I have a few ideas.”

** ** **

           Loki was tired. Tired was putting it mildly. Loki was drained completely of any simple, touchable emotion. Nothing was tangible. He watched his brother, no longer still and rippling since the attack on his mind. Instead, Thor fidgeted and tapped his fingers on any surface. He tugged at strands of blond hair and never sat still. Briefly, he thought of his wife. They were more alike now. Loki contemplated cutting the digits off.  

           “Sharon, we know you let Osborn out,” Sam began across the table in Avengers Tower. The entire team was joined by her and Clint after the escape.

           “Don’t know what you’re talking about. I was on my way to question him again, found his bed empty.” Sharon’s lips lifted.

           “Camera’s went off conveniently before it happened.” Janet added.

           “Harry escaped with her, there’s no telling where he is. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him.” Peter rubbed his head.

           “She extended his life, Peter, you’ll see him.” Jane tried to console him any way she could.

           “ _Clint_  let them go.” Sharon nodded and Clint dropped his chin on his fist, propping his head up. Loki crossed his legs in his chair and swiveled more toward the table.

           “My wife manipulated you to let the boy go knowing he would come to her. Harry Osborn is the loyal follower of a god he believes in now. The first one. Neither of them will come back from that. He needed a mother's affections and found it. You fell for it.” He spoke for the first time that morning.

           “Don’t insult me. I was acting on Fury and Hill’s word.” Sharon scoffed. “You think it did her any good locking her up while she held answers for whatever it is Thanos is up to. I went to them after I spoke with her and I told them I was going to let her out.”

           “Why didn’t they come to us first?” Tony leaned over the table.

           “You tried your way and it didn’t work. She gets a lot done when working independently, you know. Sometimes you have to let the chips fall before you can make a move. She told me that Thanos is coming no matter what. That she’s getting stronger by the day. There’s no preparing for that. But, every one of us has the right to try.” Loki clenched his fists, standing to leave the table.

           “Loki,” Thor began. “Wait.”

           “No, she’s right.” Loki winced at his own words.

           “Say that again.” Sharon quirked her brow.

           “Jarvis, you get that?” Tony mused when a playback turned on.

           “ _No, she’s right.”_  Loki’s voice repeated over a speaker and he growled low in his throat.

           “Yes, Stark, make a joke while your world comes closer to the end.” Loki crossed his arms.

           “I plan on it.” Tony sat up fully, pointing.

           “She’ll try to kill herself again or someone else of this goes wrong.” Loki quickly shut his mouth, sighing. No one picked up on that endnote.

           “She was so certain in that hospital." Bucky frowned, eyes averting. "I don't believe it. We should have listened better."

           "What if she really wasn’t trying to kill herself that day?” Janet touched her chin. “Tony, you had the footage. The cam attached to your watch.”

           “No audio but…” Tony was swiping along the table until the video popped up. Loki begrudgingly shuffled closer behind Thor to see it. Static images showed them all running up in the chaos. His wife teetering like a clumsy gymnast on a balance beam. Arms spreading out before… “Wait, Janet’s onto something. Jarvis, go back.”

           “She isn’t trying to jump,” Natasha leaned forward, rewinding it again.

           “Her head is tilted up toward the sky.” Bucky added. "She wasn't lying."

           “See it there right before we broke her focus.” Janet pointed and Bruce touched his mouth.

           “She’s reaching out for something. Or someone…toward the sky.” Jane touched Thor’s hand before he could lift his fingers into his hair where the locks grew out around small scars.

           “We should have heard her out,” Thor touched his brow. “She was correct. This is what Thanos wants.”

           “Who is she reaching toward?” Bucky asked and Loki slid back into a seat.

           “Not Thanos.” Natasha replied.

           “No, I don’t think so either.” Janet affirmed.

           “When…” Sam swallowed. “When Steve was alive…that dream she pulled us into. We saw Thanos. But, there was a mention of something else trying to get her attention.”

           “We opened the world up. Forces beyond our control are everywhere now. Closing in. It would make sense for more than one to be drawn to my friend. There is so much power within her. Power that can be tracked by the right being. Thanos proved this.” Thor crossed his fingers tight together to get them to be still. “No doubt Loki still has enemies trying to track him down.”

           “It would also seem that prisons holding powered super villains have never been so full. Dr. Doom won’t leave Latveria.” Loki tried not to pout. “This Baron Von Strucker has tried and failed thrice to get Crossbones back. Might be a good way to draw him out of shadows. Either way…my wife is out there hiding and if she is blacking out, there isn’t any telling what she’ll do.”

           “Her scan was a little jarring.” Bruce was flicking through files on a pad in his hand.

           “I need to find out who she’s reaching out to.” Loki kept swiping to play the moment on screen, watching the light engulf her silhouette. “I suspect I won’t until they present themselves. I cannot think of anyone I met within my time. No one is like Thanos.”

           “Think they’ll try to make contact?” Jane turned to see Loki frown in response.

           “I think her curiosity will try to make her seek them out first. But, with her dreams so scattered and Thanos, she has to hide so she won’t be able to while she sleeps.” He gave a barely audible scoff and Tony perked up, sliding sunglasses onto his face.

           “You guys handle things on this end. I’ll head down, hole myself up again, and try to find her.” Tony turned to go and Peter watched him, narrowing his eyes before he turned back to the conversation at hand.

** ** **

           At the same time, an Asgardian with wild curls let herself smile when no one was looking. Cerebro came to life and she plunged in without limits. Thanos struggled to keep up while she covered the entire Earth all at once and snapped from it like a rubber band. First, she did the noble thing: warning the realms to be on guard through caresses and whispered into their ears. They felt her without seeing her. They believed. The Norns sparked when she tried to get too close so she kept a distance this time. Elsewhere, Frigga looked up at the sky and closed her eyes before turning to rush into the throne room. Moira watched from a lone window as the sky turned grey, she sighed a name to the wind and the scars on her back twitched in sync. Frost Giants upon Jotunheim put anger aside to rebuild a broken castle. Elves and dwarves in all worlds’ crafted weapons faster than nimble fingers could move. Vanaheim felt the surge as well, preparations would follow at the beckoning of newly crowned Queen Sigyn. Thanos tossed one of his own men from his platform in a rage the moment he’d finally lost her. Not for good.

           Then, she did the selfish thing.

** ** **

           Logan spent the most time watching. Sometimes, Ororo or Scott would bring him a hot coffee or a cola he wished was beer. But, he didn’t complain. The moment she’d gone into Cerebro, her body floated up into the center of the room. Still tethered down by the cords attached to the helmet. She looked peaceful there. Floating like she would in an endless pool. The older students occasionally would sneak down to see, asking whoever was guarding her an occasional question. She swayed and magic flitted about between strands of hair and fingertips. Jean caught glimpses of thoughts and emotions when brain waves opened and closed. It was reassuring to feel flickers of calm within the chaos. Jean was allowed to see flashes of a great tree with worlds dangling along its branches. Charles felt it too. With all her power, she cast a warning like a shadow across the tree and leaves rustled in response. Bark thickened up and down. The Norns teetered along stark points with an edge of grace. They watched her soul expand without limits to stretch as far as it could, taking pressure off her body for the first time in years.

           On the seventh day, Jean lost her as well.

** ** **

             _Transverberation_.

           “What makes you tick?”

           My body was submerged deep into the sea. I felt pressure again of the water crushing me. The cold. I was living marble.

           “What makes you bend and break?”

           Unable to move, I struggled against the unforgiving depths.  _Help me_ , I’d thought.

            _You first_ , came the reply.

           “What makes you rise?”

           There was a mighty cry like the screeching of violin strings before water swirled up and back down, splitting in half. I fell to my knees, breathing in so deeply that I thought my lungs might rupture. With eyes blurring, I could see the shadow of a hooded figure in the distance with their back still to me. The water was calm. Graceful. Divided cleanly in two on either side of me to allow a path. So, I stood.

           “Let me see your face!” I echoed.

           “A great deal of trouble and danger…to speak with me. To look into my eyes. Such is the way of a true disciple. What do you want most? Pray.” They only whispered in a language that was ancient to this world but I heard every syllable.

           “Who are you? What do you want with me?”

           “I see. I've much to discover in this new world.” They shook their head, looking up toward the sky. “Not yet. You need me to prove myself to you as well. A gift. Very soon.”

           “Wait-!” I reached out but the water tumbled down, suffocating me before I opened my eyes. My own body wobbled when Jean helped me from the floor while Ororo and Scott unhooked me. I remembered for an instant, the figure in the sand. But, then they were gone.

           “Where did you go?” Jean touched my shoulders to level me and I felt my mind respond to that, locking itself up.

           “Nowhere…” I replied before I debated it. “Everywhere.”

** ** **

           My end of the bargain was held up in full. Elder students joined me in the grass and I taught only what they asked to learn. Many would come to me again when the sky grew dark for mediation wordlessly and I allowed them to try to find peace within themselves.

           “Your abilities are unique and I’m certain they can be frightening. You seek to control it and you should. Learn as much as you can about yourself and your power. From the smallest quirks to the things that can shake the world. Yes, control is important but you’ll find that there are moments when you have to close your eyes and let go. Trust yourself.” I crossed my legs under myself, dropping my hands in them while I sat upon the hill and watched them all listen. “You’ll find a lot of trial and error within your abilities. More than you’ll want to admit. But, know that you’re worthy always and do not give up. Darkness and light have to work together, so let them. I faced my own darkness once. Quite literally. Beforehand, I fought it. I thought it was hurting me. But…it was just frightened. Unloved. Neglected. When I faced it, I let it heal me from the burn of light. Do not repress your emotions if you have some to give. Practice and always support each other because the things you do together will mean so much more than you think now. Although, I don’t think you’ll bicker as much as my team did.”

           “Did?” Jubilee joked and chuckles roused when I smiled.

           “Fair enough,” I shrugged.

           “Iceman and I already have The Avengers beat there,” Pyro punched Bobby’s arm and earned a shove. I watched Bobby’s cheeks heat and heart pick up before I pressed my lips.

           “Just angry you can’t create your element out of nothing like me, John.”

           “Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” Pyro lifted one hand and his lighter sparked a flame that he grabbed.

           “Now now, it’s just my opinion but I wouldn’t want to be the one to greet any of you in battle.” I waved my hand to snuff out John’s flame and he huffed, crossing his arms. “You have the capacity to be terrifying. You’re powerful. But, you’re kind and you’re here right now together learning. Regardless of whether you feel giving or jaded. You’re here. That is what will set you apart from the villains.”

** ** **

           “Have you ever hurt anyone on accident?” Rogue asked once after a lesson and I poured her a mug of hot chocolate when we were alone in the kitchen.

           “Yes, many times.” I contemplated it, sipping. “I’ve hurt people on purpose too.”

           “I’ve never met anyone with powers like mine.”

           “I have not either since I got them…” I beamed and touched her gloved hand.

           “I wish it wasn’t so…active. I wish I could touch people. Really touch them.” She picked up her mug and I used magic to add marshmallows to both.

           “Power has a cost. And you are powerful, more so than many around you. A sponge. Your friends and peers do love you a lot. They don’t fear you, they’re more curious now. It took me a long time to realize that about myself in Asgard. Know that if and when you see battle, this way of absorbing the psyche, memories, and talents of another…you could also be taking the anger and evil of another into yourself. Their pain will become yours and it could overwhelm you. The first person I took…they asked me to take them. Still today, I feel them influencing the way I move about the world.” Rogue listened carefully and nodded before drinking.

           “I just want to be able to hold my own with my friends.”

           “You will, I’m certain of it.” We both turned when Kitty popped her head in.

           “John and Bobby are driving me up the wall and Jubilee and Kurt are both studying, can I join you?” She grinned and I waved her over.

           “Let me pour you a mug,” I got up and touched Rogue’s shoulder when I passed behind her. “So Bobby is quite taken with Pyro?”

           “Thank you, someone else who noticed.” Kitty huffed and dropped her head on her hand. “I told him he should make a move because John’s shyer about it, but they’re both acting like dummies.”

           “To be young.” I mused and magic set hot chocolate in front of her.

           “Three marshmallows?” She joked before I flicked my fingers to add more. “Thank you.”

           “I like your friend’s style, Rogue.” I winked and sat back down.

           “Wait, to be young? You’re a thousand year old god in her twenties somehow.” She replied instead and we all laughed.

           “Asgardians age so very well.” I shrugged, smiling before I picked up my mug.

           “Ladies,” Darwin opened the door and came to me when we quieted. “Been looking for you, Tony had this dropped off with Scott, it’s a message for when we possibly see you. I think he’s onto you though.”

           “Tony is sharp and persistent. I’ve been gone two weeks, I shouldn’t cause them more worry. Thank you, Darwin.” I took the letter and kissed his cheek. “Hot chocolate’s fresh. I’ll see you both later while I look this over.”

           “Don’t mine if I do.” Darwin crossed behind me and both girls waved before starting a conversation with him. Tony had written on a postcard of New York’s skyline with Avengers Tower in the distance that said ‘Wish you were here.’ Smiling, I shook my head and turned it over.

            _Psyche, wherever you are, I think this will find you. We should grab a cold one, I’ll come alone. Corner café you like. Say noon? I’ll buy._

_-Tony_

           “Oh, Tony.” I sighed and Scott came around the corner, pausing to lean on the wood railing and cross his arms.

           “So, you going?”

           “Yes, I believe I should. It’s time. I did what I could here and I always wish to do more. But, if Tony does intended to come alone, that means he won’t tell the others and I should speak with him. Thank you, Scott, for letting me work things out here. I know what this place means to you. What protecting mutants means to you. You're doing an amazing job and it shows.”

           “Eh, students seem to really like you. Can’t argue with that.” He lifted his lips. “Bet you can guess which ones are asking for suits though.”

           “They are very willing. You have a great team here. Mine is lucky to have you as well so I very much appreciate this. I think my work in Cerebro will also better prepare the realm, couldn’t have done it without the X-Men.”

           “No, I suppose not.” He smirked again, nodding. “Might want to rest before Stark attacks you with questions tomorrow.”

           “Yes, that is also true."

** ** **

            _“New reports as another Oscorp employee was arrested today…”_

           “Good for you, Harry.” I sipped an iced vanilla latte and adjusted my hat, craning my neck to see out the window. The music and television droned with idle conversations. I’d picked a booth hidden well and fixed my sunglasses before Tony appeared in a casual shirt with a band he liked on it and a hooded coat. I stared until he looked my way and gave a heavy sigh, pacing over to slide in across from me.

           “Thank god that you’re here because I was prepared to wait every day until you showed.”

           “Got you a smoothie. They called it the Green Monster on the menu. Mango with some green leaves and seeds I don’t care to remember.”

           “Very funny.” Tony sipped. “Not bad. I said I was buying.”

           “The Osborns bought them both. Harry was very generous to fund my escape.”

           “Praying to a god and donating to them. Might build you a temple next. You know where Harry is?”

           “No, gave me cash and we parted. Although, I know what he’s up to.” I pointed to the television and he peered up, shrugging.

           “Yes, we got that impression. Frankly, we've been...lax about it.” Tony drank. “I knew it, Summers lied to me. You went after Cerebro.”

           “How’d you know I went to the X-Men?” I swirled my ice around and he pressed his lips.

           “You’re two steps from adopting half the kids.” Tony noted, half-amused. “Something Loki said about how you’re seeking out cosmic entities but you can’t do it while asleep because Thanos keeps you busy and now he’s after you while awake. So, hm, where else can you go to spread your mind out while somewhat awake? Cerebro. Find what you were looking for?”

           “I’m not sure. I warned the realms and…yes, I wandered at the end but it was… I don’t know. I'm certain that I...found someone. Someone who was trying to find me. It was vague. It's more of a feeling than a memory now. I can't get past it.”

           “Look, when we…put you in holding. I really thought it was the right thing. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

           “You shouldn’t apologize, Tony. Not to me.”

           “I’m holding myself accountable because we made the wrong call.” Tony leaned in to catch my gaze. “You weren’t trying to jump, you were reaching for something. Could be Thanos. Could be this...vague feeling you're on.”

           “I…I was…?”

           “Since you left, have you been having nightmares?”

           “I, no, actually. I hide in my castle but since I went into Cerebro, I feel good.”

           “I hate to tell you this, but Thor is. Not like the ones he had before.” Tony rubbed his left wrist and sighed when my lips opened.

           “No, I…I went into Cerebro and I healed myself some. Thanos can’t-”

           “I think you’re right but I also bet Thanos let you believe that and went after Thor's mind next.” Tony watched me.

           “Because he’s trying to lure me back to you all. Why?”

           “We thought that too. Thor is…he’s inconsolable when it happens. He can’t defend himself properly and ever since the beach, I think everyone’s been on edge around him for obvious reasons and we’re not sure what to do anymore. It's not fair to him and I think it's making it worse. He sleepwalks into the lab and stands in the corner. Terrifying actually when it’s three in the morning and very dark. Loki and Jane tried to wake him and almost got their heads torn off because Thor lashed out and promptly woke. Bucky spends time talking him through it because he gets it in a way.” Tony paused when I covered my eyes and rubbed my temple. “I’m sorry, Psyche.”

           “Gods, Tony, please don’t apologize. I should be as well. I said horrible things to you and you didn’t deserve them because you spend all your time trying to help us and I let my anger control me.”

           “Hey, I…you know, I think I needed to hear it. I’m not perfect. I did horrible things and I got away with it.”

           “Yes, I did as well.” I paused. “So, I can’t act like I have the higher ground, Tony. You opened your home not only to me. To all of them.”

           “Avengers Tower belongs to all of us. It belongs to this city.”

           “But, we…I was on your time. Your life. Your money. I pushed the team because like you and like Steve, I thought I was doing the right thing. I pushed you to just be okay with Bucky and everything, granted it wasn’t his fault either.”

           “No, it wasn’t. I’m glad you pushed, you know. We needed it. We need you right now.”

           “With everything I have done, I don’t want to be what separates this team, Tony…after Steve.”

           “You’re on the team. You leave and it’ll separate us literally.” He joked so lightly. “Math wouldn’t add up.” I beamed at that and we both sighed, drinking. It was peaceful and windy outside still.

           “I came to Earth with the hopes of rediscovering my humanity. Fitting in. I am a god and I’ve only been able to highlight my lack of such things. Asgard pledged to advance itself. Watch over the realms. We go in to fight the battles others cannot or we join forces with armies matching in ours to overcome forces that could plunge Yggdrasil into utter mayhem. But, this Earth, there is more at stake. This world is more divided than any I have seen. The Avengers has to meet the rest of the world halfway but there are many still suffering so from oppression that will always need us to support them as outwardly as we are able to without speaking over them. Super humans are just the beginning. Mutants are the future. Let them be. There may come a time when I have to say goodbye to you…to all my human companions simply because my lifetime extends beyond yours. This legacy we forge, I’ll care for it. I promise.”

           “And I trust  _you_  to do that.” Tony cleared his throat, heartfelt in his tone. My hand slipped closer and he relented, touching mine instead which surprised me. Sniffing, I nodded and looked down. “We’re just two very flawed friends, holding hands…wearing sunglasses inside.” He broke the tension and I chuckled aloud, covering my lips.

           “Indeed.” I picked up my drink again and Tony followed. “Where is Thor now?”

           “Didn’t sleep the last two days but he crashed this morning on a desk in the lab after breakfast. Not looking his glowing self. Took all of us to lift him into a cot without Jane. We called her though, she’s visiting Sue’s team. Should be back soon. They finally finished the lock up in Ravencroft. Shield took over with some government help and they’re going to cure and rehabilitate who they can. We let Peter and Loki in to talk with Dr. Octavius and he tentatively agreed to help in return for special privileges and lab access.”

           “That’s good news.” I agreed. “I helped teach the older kids to fight. It’s my understanding that Ororo, Darwin, and Logan are also opening up larger lessons with them in their completed simulator while Charles, Jean, and Scott to oversee the rest.”

           “Probably best to start preparing them now if they want it.” Tony rubbed his neck and remembered something, digging into his pocket. “We made Loki dumpster dive to find this. Cleaned it, patched it up. Good as new.” My phone was slipped across the table and I pressed my mouth into a tight line.

           “Right. Sorry about that.”

           “Natasha found it amusing.” Tony shrugged. “Loki changed his tune when he realized you weren’t trying to jump. He didn’t mope about though, he focused on assisting elsewhere while you were gone. Knew you’d come back. It’s weird having him around simply because…it isn’t weird anymore. He keeps to himself and comes to assist without offers. Never says please or thank you but, I’ll take what I can get. Not an Avenger, just some weird agent with a creepy cat we keep around.”

           “I’m happy to hear that as well. Loki’s intelligent, he truly is. Right now, he isn’t helping because he is forced to and perhaps not even because he totally wants to. He’s helping because he can. Not the same man standing upon that tower, ready to see everything come crashing down.” I finished my drink. “I need to make a phone call to Jean but it’s probably best I return with you. Thor isn’t out of the cave.”

           “Out of the woods is the expression.” Tony caused me to smile.

           “Out of the woods, yes, I suppose. Did Janet, Hank, or Bruce look into what’s happening to my brain with Thor and Loki? Cerebro helped but it is all temporary until Thanos is gone.”

           “Yeah, Loki mellowed out and spent a few nights in the lab. Lot of unpleasant smells later, they developed a few things but it’s going to be trial and error.” Tony nodded. “Come on. I’ll give you a lift home.”

            _Home_.

           “Appreciated.” I stood up and paused when Tony stopped, pulling his hands from his pockets when I shifted toward him awkwardly. He got the idea and shrugged, opening his arms.

           “Bring it in, Psyche.” Tony patted my back when I embraced him. Pulling away, I kissed his cheek and cocked my head, motioning for us to go.

           “Thank you, Anthony.”

** ** ** **

           A peppermint mocha was steaming in my hands when I went up with Tony into the lab. Bruce looked up from a desk and his mouth fell open before I pressed a finger to my lips. Thor was asleep in a cot and Loki was slumped in a large chair, curled up like a cat in some casual clothing. Naaki was watching from a shelf above Thor’s head so I kissed her nose in greeting, causing her to purr. I set the coffee down next to Loki’s side table and leaned over, tucking hair aside to kiss the corner of his lips.

            _“Mmm.”_ He hummed and curved up into the arm rest.

           “Missed you.” Bruce whispered when I smiled fuller and sat on the bed next to Thor. He was sweaty and twitching but not violent yet.

           “Missed you.”

           “Better?”

           “Work in progress, such is the way of healing.” I touched Thor’s temple and hissed, pulling away. “Wow… I’ll see what I can do about blocking them when he wakes.” I got up and filled a bowl with cold water, waving my fingers over to mutter healing spells until it turned a brighter shade of glimmering blue.

           “Jane get here yet?” Tony approached Bruce’s desk and sat down, stealing a sleeve of cookies from his drawer to munch on.

           “Got held up but should be a few minutes.” Bruce took a cookie when Tony offered one and I dabbed Thor’s face and neck.

           “He is with fever…I didn’t expect that. It’s slight. I’ll see if I can bring it down.” I watched Loki snort before he jerked and woke himself, sniffing sharply until he was able to focus on me. “Morning, sweetheart.” Realizing he was indeed awake, Loki shot up and took my face to kiss me. I responded, giggling before I pointed behind him. Tony raised the sleeve of treats and nodded, quirking his brow and Bruce suppressed a wide smirk.

           “Cookie,  _sweetheart_?” Tony offered and Loki groaned, turning.

           “Coffee on the table.” I kissed Loki again and went back to Thor.

           “Gods, I love you.” Loki mused quietly and I grinned, Naaki jumped down to go see Bruce across the way. “Tell me all about your ventures tonight. I need to process this last week. How is my brother?”

           “He’s been better.” I sighed. “I’ll monitor him, enjoy the coffee and rest.”

           “Sorry, I’m late,” Jane hurried into the lab and gasped, rushing to hug me.

           “Hey.” I watched her slip into a chair next to Loki.

           “How is she so nonchalant?” She pointed and Loki smirked, drinking.

           “Try being married to her.” Loki looked to me and gave a look of innocence. “Worth it.”

           “Bruce, you have Thor’s charts? He’s not looking too good.” Jane stood to touch Thor’s hair, running her fingers into blond tresses.

           “Yeah, right here,” he swiped up to bring holograms from the table and Jane touched my shoulder before joining the others to look at them. Thor gave a shuddered breath and cracked his eyes open. My spine grew taut when blue eyes found mine but I sighed as he spoke my name.

           “How are you feeling, Thor?” I asked slowly and Loki got up to round the bed, sitting down.

           “He wants to speak with you.” Thor stated instead, lifting his hand to my face before also guiding my fingers to his temple. My eyes changed in one abrupt motion and I felt the pull before space tumbled down and washed the lab away. Thanos was not here upon the desolate, cragged rocks. The Other stood, shifting to circle me and I narrowed my eyes.

           “It’s you holding Thor. For your master.” I rounded the platform to keep my distance. "Loki spoke of you. Few times."

           “And I can make this all go away. Return the specter. The stones you have thus far. Bring Loki in chains with yourself. The world will be spared.”

           “You’re lying. Nothing we give will be enough for a titan who courts Death. Or...tries to.”

           “You could bring the Tesseract in place of you. Loki. This world. Think of your friends. You’ve seen them dying every night while you sleep. You know it is inevitable.” His voice rasped like a snake hissing. Veiny hands trailed over the rocks he passed and we paused.

           “Counter offer.” I crossed over and was surprised when he pressed backwards in response. “Thanos opens the world. We defeat his army and I work you like a puppet in front of your own master.” My hands smacked on either side of his head. “And I’ll let Thor cut you in half. You die in a pile of warm intestines. Crows feast on what's left. Thanos doesn't miss you.”

           “What is it…you think Loki would do if we gave him such an offer?” He snarled, nearing my face before pressing his palm to my head with such force that I yanked to the side and transported back to Thor’s cot.

           “Fuck.” I shot up and growled, holding my head while I stumbled around. “Ugh, there’s no getting used to that.” Loki was up and grasping my arms.

           “Are you all right? …You spoke with The Other. I know the look.”

           “Yes. They want the Tesseract. Us. It was brief.” I groaned and Thor was sitting up.

           “Forgive me.” He got out of bed and rubbed his eyes.

           "You thought about it." I noted, eyes lifting to Loki.

           "About what?"

           "Finding a way into Asgard. The Tesseract. They made you an offer, did they not?" I was not accusing him.

           "Yes," Loki admitted. "I would sooner die than let them touch it again. No prize will match what they want from these nine realms. This isn't about the stones any longer. It is about Thanos' hunger for these realms to come crashing. This is about what he would do with you if he had you in his grasp. This final piece of you that he knows about. We will only discover it when it is too late."

           "I believe you." I said, taking his hand for a beat to squeeze it.

           “At least we know he can’t get the Tesseract on his own if he's making deals like that.” Jane came to Thor. “Come, sit back down, you’re sick.” She ushered Thor into a chair and he sighed, setting his forehead into his hands. “Can you block Thanos out?”

           “I can try. Loki.” I motioned with my chin. “It’ll take us both to create a rune that powerful.”

           “Banner and I have something for you as well afterwards.” Loki touched Thor’s shoulder. “You need to rest today.”

           “It’s been a long time since we’ve been in this position, brother.” Thor got up and climbed back into the bed.

           “I can watch him after. Hank and Janet should join me later for a bit.” Bruce shrugged and I smiled at him, nodding.

           “I have to meet Pepper soon with M.J. and I don’t want to find out what happens if I’m late this time.” Tony set some water next to Thor. “Get well, buddy. We’ll meet tonight to figure Psych’s medicine.”

           “I shall try, my friend.” Thor exhaled out his nose and Tony left so Loki and I could get to work. I put my hand to Thor’s forehead, smoothing his hair back when he nodded with some encouragement. Loki settled his hand over mine and met my gaze so I beamed.

           “This will be uncomfortable, Thor. Just breathe.”

** ** **

           Peter glided through the air, plunging down and swinging up along the side of Oscorp. The moon was brightly glinting now within the eyes of his mask. He’d watched the pattern and only hoped Harry would follow through. As if on cue, a window broke above and a big net plunged out of it with a struggling man inside. Sirens echoed in the distance and Peter briefly observed the many files duct taped to the man’s chest. Cocking his head, Spider-Man left him to the police and dashed up to follow the whizzing of another rope out a lower window. Harry landed with his mouth and nose covered, adjusting the beanie over his head before racing into an alley and out another. Peter watched him try to get lost in the crowds, sneaking into a live show in the park while he pulled his mask down and concealed himself among the crowd of dancing fans. The music boomed with a light show and fireworks but Peter kept up.

           When one song ended and another began, Harry got back into the streets toward an empty subway tunnel. Peter had to hide up in the ceiling, creeping along beams until Harry boarded a barren section with a flickering light. Peter knew this could be his only opportunity.

           “ _Harry_ ,” he’d echoed in a gasp from the shadows. His friend stopped dead in his tracks, head lifting but he didn’t turn, merely frozen in the doorway. Peter watched his friend’s form blur when his emotions welled up. “I forgive you.”

           The doors shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big comic/non mcu film events coming next. Thank you so much to everyone for tuning in! :)


	40. United

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy hits their mutants allies when William Stryker lashes out from shadows in his effort to turn the world against them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X2 elements + comic stuff ;) Myth!Hela reference if you squint. Short chapter!

           “I’m supposed to what?” I watched a pot bubble on the stove while Loki stirred and covered it.

           “According to Loki,” Hank began, “you inhale the fumes for a while.” A magic bubble kept the gas from filling the air.

           “And the high…is supposed to keep Thanos at bay.” I looked at Natasha next to me and she shrugged, amused thoroughly.

           “Simply speaking, it’ll cloud your mind without repressing your abilities and Thanos will have trouble locating you to slip in.” Loki turned, lifting his lips. “It’s untested.”

           “Ugh.” I dropped my head into my hands while my team gathered around, except Thor, still asleep in the lab under monitors and Jane who stayed to watch him.

           “Yeah, good luck with that.” Natasha patted my back and joined everyone else on the couch. Naaki got into her lap and she relented, petting her.

           “And how are the rest of us protected from Asgardian drugs?” Tony crossed his arms over the island I was seated at.

           “Spells, Stark, I warded the potion off before I began it. She’ll breathe it through a tube and mask either way.” Loki was busying away.

           “What if it hurts her?” Sam piped up.

           “It won’t.”

           “How do you know?” Bucky got Loki to turn.

           “I agree, you said it was untested.” Janet added.

           “Because I know crude Asgardian remedies and, I suppose you’ll all have to trust me.” Loki was in pure bliss at the round of groans that followed. “Yes, yes. It truly is the end of the world.”

           “Peter, you’ve been quiet.” Mary Jane crossed her legs over the couch next to Bucky and Peter shrugged.

           “Last person I tried to cure turned into a giant lizard.” He rubbed his chin. “I mean maybe…Loki knows what he’s doing.” Another round of various groans were summoned and I snickered to myself.

           “That’s truly the most heartwarming thing I’ve heard since getting stuck with this lot.” Loki turned again.

           “Traitor.” Tony muttered and Peter beamed in response.

           “Will it make me drowsy or will I not sleep?” I asked and Loki peered at me.

           “On the contrary, it might level you out.”

** ** **

           “Sam Wilson, I love your soul,” I was hanging from a ceiling beam upside down. “Everyone should just…appreciate it.”

           “Well…she isn’t wrong,” Sam had his arms crossed and I came up, draping myself across the metal.

           “Can we have a moment of silence for Loki’s ego?” Tony put his hands out and Loki suppressed a scoff.

           “She’s certainly mellow.” Loki beckoned. “Sweetheart, come on down.”

           “You come on up.” I taunted, stretching to ruffle my hair while they stood under me.

           “Thanos isn’t bothering her.” Loki tapped his chin. “Although, I’m certain now I added too much elves ear.”

           “Too much,  _what_?” Mary Jane made a face.

           “It’s a herb, I’m not a barbarian.” Loki flicked hair behind his shoulder.

           “Debatable.” Janet rubbed her forehead.

           “Does anyone else feel like we should be dancing?” I moved my shoulders and swayed to no music.

           “I defended you for this.” Peter shook his head and Loki grinned.

           “Yes and you cannot take it back now.” He replied so Natasha moved to Tony’s jukebox, pressing buttons until a song started and the lights dimmed while a disco ball came down. Colored lights filled the room and she shrugged.

           “Let her have her fun.” Natasha grabbed Loki’s collar. “Fix it.”

           “Shivers,  _Madame_   _Widow_.” He pulled away and straightened his clothing. I was moving along the beam, hips shifting as I lifted my arms and felt the vibrations shake along my body. “There’s nothing to be done until it wears off…for the record, it is working.”

           “Can’t dance our way through missions.” Sam remarked. “Peter, you want to give her a net if she does fall.”

           “Got it.” He climbed up a beam to work. I was in and out of the conversation, swaying as every soul in the vicinity sparkled.

           “How was Harry?” I’d asked when Peter got up to me. At this point, he didn’t bother questioning it.

           “Alive. I couldn’t see his face.”

           “You seemed sad so I guessed,” I winked, spinning about.

           “Careful up there, yeah.” Mary Jane called, hands on her hips.

           “Always free to join me.” I felt playful. Sensual. A cool breeze between bare thighs. Something tugged and when the doors pulled open, I didn’t cease as they all turned to see Thor stumble in. Floating down, I was enchanted and enchanting all at once. Turning and swaying about along the dance floor.

           “Thor…? What have you done?” Loki’s question was followed with several more while tiles lit up under my feet.

           “He woke and I can’t get him to listen.” Jane was tugging at Thor’s arm before an unseen force gently spread the crowd apart. It wasn’t me. I think. I was a cloud. In Thor’s hands was Loki’s scepter. Dull and lifeless without a master or stone. I found my hands reaching out and beckoning to Thor while I treaded from side to side. Blindly, he stepped toward me and my lips parted for a heavier breath.

           “Thor, hey,” Peter came down and I put my hand out, warning.

           “It’s under control.” I reached out to touch Thor’s face but he fell to his knees and presented the staff to me.  _A gift I was promised. Oh. I see._  My head cocked and we locked eyes before I had stilled to take it. “Thank you.” Thor fell forward into my legs and I gripped his arm to keep him from hitting the floor, eyes flickering up to my friends. “That wasn’t Thanos.” I blinked several times when they all stepped forward, rushing to help Thor while I kneeled to lie him flat. “That…wasn’t me. I remember a soul. No, thousands overlapping... But...” Loki put Thor’s head in his lap and I was transfixed on the scepter. I waved my hand to cease the music and bring up the main lights. Standing, I turned around with it, reading it carefully in the brighter light. “It feels empty now.”

           “Thor, wake up.” Jane took his face so I came to her side and wordlessly touched his temple until he gasped and roused.

           “What happened?” He groaned and sat up. “I’m hungry.”

           “That’s…a shockingly positive sign.” Loki offered his hand and pulled Thor up.

           “What is going on?” Tony echoed with plight.

           “Thanos is sticky but…” I sighed.

           “Leave the staff be.” Loki came to my side.

           “It’s mine now,  _husband_.”

           “Prove it.” Loki reached out but I smirked and brought blade to my lips, blowing where the mind stone once sat. Glittering red and gold light left my lips to shine orange then flow up and down the scepter, restoring its shine. It transformed, elongating to stand taller than I with a crystalline orb held by gold vines. The blade curved around the orb and I tapped the bottom against the floor, standing taller.

           “It is mine by right.” I repeated and Loki relented, turning to go to Thor again.

           “What do you remember?”

           “Nothing, it was a dreamless sleep. I thought I was...underwater but then...I recall the stars. They all were falling.” Thor moved to steal a full bag from chips from a counter, readily ripping it open to chow down.

           “You both seem…” Bruce trailed off.

           “Calm.” Janet finished.

           “Not exactly the strangest thing that happened.” Hank began but Jarvis cut in.

           “Excuse me, but I believe you should see this.” The television clicked on and we neared it.

            _“…reports this evening as an explosion leveled Stamford, Connecticut just fifteen minutes ago…”_

           I couldn’t hear it anymore. My hand came to my lips. I didn’t close my eyes. I just watched the fire burn under the narration. And then the reporter offered the first nail in the coffin.

            _“…the death toll estimates at about 600 including at least 60 school children directly caught in the zero ground of the blast which sources say was caused by a mutant…”_

           “I’m calling Scott.” Sam turned around first and Janet caught our focus because they had to keep the team level.

           “Suit up. We’re out of here in five. Tony, get a hold of Shield. Hank and I will get the jet up and running. Now.” As fate would have it, the next thing I remember was Bruce pressing a phone to my ear. Jean’s voice was trembling and I blinked.

           “Are you there? Are you here with me?”

           “Yes.” I swallowed. “Jean. We’re…”

           “Seven minutes out.” Clint had joined us with Sharon, Hill, and many Shield agents in other vehicles.

           “Seven minutes out.” I repeated and felt Loki grip my wrist. My staff was tied to my back while I released the rope I’d been gripping to stay level so I could take the phone.

           “We’re close as well.” Jean inhaled and exhaled. I could hear many voices behind hers. “We have a job and…god, I know, it’ll be difficult. Logan can sniff out survivors. Charles and I can feel them but we need your range too.”

           “I understand.”

           “Can you communicate with all of us as quickly as you can? We’ll split into teams.”

           “Yes. Yes, I know what I have to do.” I could already hear the sirens and frantic crowds looking for loved ones. Everyone donned ear pieces and I convinced Loki to go with Thor to assist when he wanted to stay with me. I was surprised to see some teens urging to help the X-Men. Scott told Charles they needed to see and understand what had happened. The Fantastic Four arrived with more help. I walked along the scorched Earth and flew up into the sky, tying a blindfold around my eyes so I could focus on the souls. In one painful motion, I expanded out to detect any sign of life. There were many. But, not enough. So, I droned in calculated tones to signal my friends. They never replied because they never needed to. One hour passed and Sentinels arrived from government vehicles. The robots looked like dated prototypes when I pulled my blindfold away. Logan was the first to speak.

           “You gotta be kidding me.” He was holding a sobbing nine year old girl in his arms, handing her to paramedics.

           “Jane,” I breathed. “Two. Twenty feet. Approximately north to north west of you.”

           Logan was seething. We knew who would get the blame for this atrocity. So I put my body between him and the machine while he spoke.

           “We volunteer to help with a federal emergency and you’re following us around.” He began.

           It was true. They watched the mutants. They left all else alone. Even me. Even Thor.

           “We are only following strict orders.” Came the standard reply. “Which Avenger will speak for you?”

           “The X-Men are actually leading this rescue mission. You want to help? Pick up a shovel and start digging.” I touched Logan’s arms, ushering him away. “Come away. I know there are more, Logan.”

           “All students, report now. Sentinels. Keep your distance from them.” Logan warned, jumping down while I flew over the rocks to detect what life I could find. I felt it when it was too late. I felt the fade and I felt the end. Three more hours passed. I flocked to each group to help survivors get to waiting ambulances and volunteers. All these people. Slaughtered. Innocent and senselessly murdered. I’d seen it in battle thousands of times. It was heavy then and I wasn’t feeling as hard as I pretended to be now. Landing when I found two groups converging, I met with Jean and Ororo leading John, Bobby, Kitty, Rogue, Kurt, and Jubilee. They all looked dirty and had recently shed tears.

           “It isn’t your fault, Bobby.” Ororo was holding him. Kitty had hid her face into Jubilee’s shoulder and John touched Bobby’s back. Rogue came behind Kitty to soothe her tears.

           “He was in my arms and I wasn’t fast enough. He was so small.” Bobby was trying to pull himself together. Kurt came to me, wiping his eyes and I held him, smoothing his hair down.

           “More?” Jean cleared her throat.

           “None that I can find. No one but us.” I looked into her eyes. It only meant that bodies were left. Kurt was holding onto me and I realized he was praying to himself, a rosary clutched into his hand.

           “They said…They blamed this on a mutant.” John managed, eyes lifting. “Is that true?”

           “We don’t know, John.” Ororo replied and he crossed behind me to touch a shadow burned into the remains of a building.

           “It…It happened right here.” He covered his mouth and stepped away. Jean spoke my name and I paced closer.

           “How could a mutant just do this?!” Kitty found her anger and hushed, sighing. “Why?” I touched the shadow and closed my eyes just as Jean touched the back of my neck. Arching, I felt it in flashes. Yes, a mutant, struggling against their own mind.  _Complete the mission._  Agitated. _Complete._ They…They tried not to.  _Complete._  They failed.

           “ _…You’re playing with the big boys now._ ” I repeated their last words before…  _Complete_. Hell burned this town apart. Ripping away, I held my head and stumbled. Jean felt it too. My back cracked when I stretched up, breathing into my nose and out my lips. “Stryker. It was him. Passing judgment on heathens. I felt it. This mutant was controlled. Jean.” She breathed heavily, nodding.

           “We need to get back and secure our school.” Ororo spoke first.

           “Pepper has already got Stark Industries working on rebuild and rehabilitation for families.” Tony spoke into my earpiece. “Shield will station agents around the school at your permission and get a location on Stryker.”

           “Charles will find him first.” Scott replied, I heard my name and turned when Loki grabbed for my arm. He didn’t hug me, just held on tight. I felt the people that died in his arms and those that cried and cried until they were handed off. They never asked him to help, he just came with and stood between Thor and I. Where he belonged.

           “It may not seem it, but you did very well. I’m so proud,” I came to the students. “Take care of each other and head home.” I cupped Jubilee’s face and nodded, kissing her hair. Before I met my team, I helped usher them back to the X-Men’s jet. John had to buckle Bobby in while I talked Kitty through her anger until Rogue joined her. Everyone arrived back to the front lines and shared a few words before we saw the X-Men safely off, lining up in front of Sentinels so they could not approach. Sharon left her agents and joined us instead, standing in front.

           “You get a positive ID?” She asked and I shook my head.

           “No…No tangible evidence of Stryker or why this happened. But, I know for certain it was him. They’ll assume this mutant was unstable or looking to destroy something.”

           “Sam, you and I are going to the X-Men again tomorrow to talk about how we’re going to proceed. Fury and Hill will be in on it. Tony, lock the tower down. No one leaves. Janet will await our word. You all know what you need to be doing still, do that until I get back to you.” Across from me, Peter had his head in his hands until Bruce touched his back to comfort him. Hank was shaking with Janet’s hands on his own and Natasha was furiously typing into a pad with Bucky leaning over to assist, searching for any trace of Stryker.

           “Stryker stole this ability from me.” I began.

           “He stole it from Hydra.” Natasha cut in. “I’m searching their old files now for anything on the theft.”

           “We have to get it back is what I mean. Priority one.” I clasped my hands and leaned forward with my scepter propped next to me.

           “I know that is what you want but it is my belief that you should focus on Thanos still. We have enough members and allies to split. Thanos will want us to lose focus.” Thor swallowed, Loki rubbed his face to pull the simple charm from it. Quietly, I nodded with nothing more to say.

           No one spoke again.

** ** **

           Loki found sleep next to me hours later after a quick shower. We reclined adjacent on the sectional couch, monitoring incoming reports. Bucky came down and tried to stay awake too but passed out with Loki's head on his bicep. The pad in his hand slumped so I pulled it away and set it on the table, reports were soft through light static. Standing, I paced in the dark to the window, holding myself. The sun would rise soon. So I dropped down to my knees and clasped my hands tight, pressing my forehead to them. Tears welled up and I clenched my teeth, ready to beg.

           “Please…” I asked to someone out there listening for my call. “Please, make me stronger. Please, I have to be stronger. I have to defeat him. I have to save them all.”

** ** **

           “Stryker is a military scientist, he can’t hide forever.” I rounded a set of holograms as Natasha changed a few files around. Bucky was shifting through papers behind us.

           “A lot of places to hide,” Bucky offered. “Don’t think he left the states though, he needs to keep a distance but be close enough to make sure his plan goes off without issue.”

           “Xavier left the school alone to investigate. He has ties everywhere. They spotted Stryker, I thought, but we haven't heard back.” Natasha added and I narrowed my gaze.

           “He’ll find Magneto and question him first since we can’t go charging after Stryker. That’s why he went alone.” I got an idea and went to another table, bringing it to life. “This can’t have been the first time Stryker used a mutant for his own ends. He had to have smaller test subjects. Buildup is important.”

           “Searching every supposed mutant related crime would take days.” Natasha replied and I touched my lips, shifting images up into the air.

           “Stryker means to turn the government against mutants because it’ll make them rely on him, the supposed expert, to solve the problem…” I sighed.

           “So if you search for crimes related to attacks on those specific government officials…” Bucky picked it up and Natasha’s lips lifted.

           “We can narrow down the pool. If the mutant that was controlled is somehow still alive and about, we can question them first. Maybe they’ll know something.” Natasha joined me, flicking images. “I could kiss you right now.”

           “Nothing stopping you, Tasha, you taught me well.” I winked. “And, here it is.” I found a file with camera footage and Natasha grabbed my face to smack a kiss against my mouth.

           “You immortal genius.” She rounded me and I smiled wide at Bucky’s face across the way. “Jarvis, get Jean and Ororo on the phone. Face to face.”

           “Bucky,” I cocked my head. “Come see the footage, I wish I could ID her.” A woman in all white with platinum blonde hair and a mask. “Senator McCoy might have been in the building, Jean should question him first.”

           “On it,” Natasha was hunched over a screen talking. The woman kicked a table out of the way and stabbed a knife right next to a Senator’s head. I recognized him as someone who usually came to the mutant’s defense in the media.

           “I remember this, news talked about it for months but...the Sentinels overshadowed the coverage. Damn.” I tapped my chin. “Charming…” I watched the woman turn her body completely to diamonds when guns went off before escaping out the window. “She didn’t try hard to kill him. Just to leave a message so Stryker could scare that man into turning his vote. We find her, we might get some answers.”

           “Jean is entering Cerebro now. Wire the footage to them.” Natasha turned.

           “Sending.” I crossed my arms and Bucky exhaled next to me when I looped my arm behind him, head tipping to his shoulder as he held me back. Idly, I came up to kiss his cheek.

           “Stryker’s out there brainwashing innocent people.” He swallowed. “Thanos is trying to come down and destroy everyone. Baron Von Strucker will try to attack Shield for Rumlow again because we’re distracted. Thor is being held by The Other. Thanos wants you both. More forces are coming for Earth because of it all and you might have an fan that you can only half remember. Not sure where to start sometimes.”

           “We lost contact with Charles.” Ororo's voice came behind us. Bucky and I exchanged looks.

           “We should probably start there.” I nodded and he agreed.

           “Yeah.”

** ** **

           “Scott went out to look.” Jean explained, arms crossing. “Lost him on Cerebro. Three Shield agents murdered and we found the car. Had to be Stryker. Ororo and I are going to find this mutant, I located her in Boston.”

           “Natasha, Loki, and I will stay here with Logan and Darwin to watch your students. Rest of the Avengers are either with Shield, investigating Stryker, or Charles’ disappearance with Scott. Fantastic Four are watching the city. We’ll get him.” I assured her. We saw them off in their jet and Natasha was already pulled off by children to play in the library.

           “Romanoff, she’s good with them,” Darwin had commented and I smiled, nodding. “Shield agents are switching shifts soon, I’m going out to watch. Make sure it goes smoothly. Logan.”

           “Right.” Logan followed and stood outside the mansion so I found Loki outside on another balcony attached to an empty classroom. We watched children play below around the close basketball court in back.

           “Do you want to talk about it?” I began.

           “No, nothing more to say.” Loki leaned into the stone to see me while the sun fell, painting the sky bright orange.

           “You didn’t have to come, I’m glad you did.”

           “As if they would have let me stay with all the toys in that Tower.” Loki tried to brighten.

           “You saved lives.” I offered.

           “Forgot the feeling.” Loki remarked. “Shortchanged because you cannot save them all. Before you formally joined the warriors, we went on a mission. A town had been flooded because a dam was broken…and ravaged by these swamp creatures. There was a little girl in the mud, her face was half scorched off by poison from an explosive. She was barely old enough to hold a weapon and they tossed some kind of bomb in her face. I picked her up and tried to heal her skin but the scarring was horrid, she was an orphan. She asked if I was her father so I lied and said I was. I said everything would be okay. That she would close her eyes and wake somewhere safe. A place she would rule all her very own. She perished there. I think she found that place. I hope she did. I look at myself now and I remember what I did. I might as well have been the one tossing bombs in the faces of children.” I touched Loki’s jaw and kissed the corner of his lips.

           “We’re here now. You’ve saved so many lives. You don’t realize how many.” I caressed his face until he touched my hand to take it. “I love you.”

           “I love you.” Loki kissed me. “I shouldn’t have left you in holding.”

           “It’s okay.” I slipped my arms around his neck and put my head to his chest so I could hear his heart beating. “It is. You did the right thing at the time, hard as it was.”

           “The scepter?”

           “In our room. I don’t feel Thanos when I touch it still.”

           “I just want you to be careful. I know you will.” Loki sighed, touching my hair when I pulled back. The sun was low now.

           “Come back in.” I beckoned, tugging his hand so he came with. We went into the next room as Pyro kicked a game. They tried hard to keep their spirits up after what happened.

           “Jubilee, the pinball machine ate my quarter again.” John smacked the machine so she sighed and put her book down.

           “Where would you be without me?”

           “Broke.” He crossed his arms and she hovered her hand near the controls, small lights prickled and popped before a handful of quarters instead fell out into the floor. 

           “Oops.”

           “No, this is better.” John chuckled, starting it up. “Bobby, watch me beat your highscore.”

           “Kitty, would you please?” Bobby gestured.

           “On it.” She cracked her knuckles and stood.

           “No, not again.” John had both hands trying to keep the ball up but Kitty phased her hand through the machine and smacked it down. A losing jingle played and John scoffed. “Kitty!”

           “You had that coming,” she smiled and came to me. “Are Logan and Darwin back in?”

           “Yes, they just rounded up everyone outside. I think Natasha is helping usher the younger ones to their rooms.” I stole the spot in the window and Loki joined me. “I don’t think you’ve met my husband formally so this is Loki. He’s with us now.” There were a few quiet hellos and slight waves. Loki peered at me and I nodded once.

           “What’s it like being Thor’s brother? Bobby was asking.” Kitty leaned over the couch with big eyes and Loki scoffed a little at that.

           “I was not,” Bobby tossed a pillow that went completely through her. Rogue shook her head at her friends and Kurt looked down from the ceiling beam he was on with a book, tail wrapped around a soda he was drinking.

           “It gets old after the first thousand years.” Loki replied finally and I crossed my legs. Natasha opened the door with Darwin behind her.

           “Bedrooms early tonight,” he earned some moans of protest. “Professor’s orders, you’ve all been through a lot.”

           “Goodnight,” Kurt disappeared in a puff of smoke. Kitty waved and went through the wall while everyone else left with Darwin.

           “I’ll call Thor and let him know we’re safe.” Loki stood, hand leaving mine so Natasha took his seat.

           “Jean and Ororo are still looking for the masked woman.” She brought one leg up and sighed.

           “I hope they find her soon.” We were alone so I relaxed back into the wall, hands in my lap. “Can I ask you something? Weird question. You don’t have to answer.”

           “Sure.”

           “Have you ever considered kids?”

           “I enjoy being around them,” Natasha shrugged, swallowing. “But, I can’t have them. When I was in the Red Room, first thing they did was sterilize us. They…They took my choice away from me. Away from all of us.”

           “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

           “Doesn’t mean I can’t have a family. Doesn’t mean I’m less of a woman. Just means I can’t give birth to some of my own. I did horrible things at the time so I wasn’t thinking about it. Why?”

           “I know Loki wants one badly. He dreams of it. It terrifies him but I know he wants us to have one. I love children. I do. I want to protect them. I just have a lot of fears about raising one. If we never had a child, I think I’d be fine and fulfilled. I think Loki would too but I won’t speak for him now. What if they inherit something terrible from me? And the realms are chaotic. They will be to some degree forever, I’m not sure if I can or want to raise a child when things are like this.”

           “Seems like you have a lot of time to think about it,” she smiled light and I responded to that. “And look, as your friend and someone who has gotten to know you, you’d pass a lot of good onto a kid too.”

           “And you pass a lot of good onto this team. We're family now, are we not?” I beamed. “Thank you.” Natasha nodded, cocking her head.

           “Come on, use that radar to find anyone out of their room.”

           “Yes, I see one.” We went downstairs and opened the kitchen door. “And what is this? Thought you were supposed to be going to bed.”

           “...Quick late night ice cream,” Bobby was seated at the table with a pint in front of him, wearing his pajamas. “I’m not alone,” he gestured to Loki near the window.

           “You two have something in common,” Natasha winked and Loki made a face, exhaling.

           “What’s she mean?” Bobby shifted and Loki put his hand on the counter when it turned blue around black nails, ice crackled out from it. “Oh!” His eyes got big. “What are you?”

           “Technically, I’m not an Asgardian. I’m a Jotun. A Frost Giant. Not so much a giant.” Loki pulled away, hand closing.

           “Whoa. Your powers are a lot like mine. That's...it's nice not being alone.” Bobby exhaled a cold breath, lifting his hand until it turned to ice and Loki brighted. “I turn to solid ice though, I don’t turn blue.”

           “Cute,” Natasha crossed her arms. “I’m going to check security. Keep an eye out.”

           “Sure,” I watched her leave and Logan came around the corner.

           “No one sleeping tonight?” He commented and I shrugged.

           “Suppose not.” I sat across from Bobby.

           “I need a beer.”

           “It’s a school,” Bobby replied, entertained when Logan pulled a soda down. Bobby reached out and blew lightly against the glass, frosting it.

           “Thanks,” Logan took it and stood next to me.

           “No problem,” Bobby shifted his ice cream around. My husband looked two seconds away from adopting this boy.

           “Impressive. How long have you been here?” Loki asked to break the silence, coming around the counter.

           “Couple years.”

           “Parents sent you off to a mutant academy?” He asked and Bobby slowed.

           “Actually, my parents think this is just a prep school.”

           “I see.” Loki paused but, jerked when I suddenly grabbed his arm, eyes widening.

           “What is it?” Bobby watched Logan round the table.

           “How many?”

           “Too many.” I got up while helicopters sounded, Logan ran passed. “Bobby, come with me.” He gave me his hand. “Natasha!”

           “Working on it! They’re disabling the perimeter!” She was loading a gun and rushing down the hallway. “Get the kids to safety!” Darwin was knocking on doors and shouting. Logan hurried down the stairs, blades out.

           “There’s a tunnel, down here!” Bobby pulled at me and frantic students were ushered along in packs. I shouted and many came to follow us. Helicopters boomed above and children screamed when guns went off. Windows broke and Bobby forcibly pressed against a wall panel until it went up.

           “Inside, go now! Head down.” I hurried them. “Darwin. Go with them. Take every student to Avengers Tower. They’ll be safer there. My team will figure something out for them.”

           “We’ll get there.” He assured me.

           “Rogue!” Bobby called. “John! I have to find my friends.”

           “I’ll find them, go.” I turned.

           “I want to help,” he followed Loki and I. I summoned my scepter quickly from my room when I passed it and strapped it behind my back.

           “Logan, they’re in!” I warned, pushing Bobby into a classroom. “Wait here.” A round of windows broke and a smoke bomb was tossed in, clouding the hallways. I saw the souls shift and raced forward, kicking one man out and grabbing the weapon of another before he could fire. I yanked and tripped him so Loki could finish him off. Bobby watched us fight from a door frame with wide eyes. Loki materialized daggers from his fingertips of steel and ice, shooting them forth when our backs came together. We spun and I used magic to blast another wave outside.

           “You okay?” I turned and Bobby nodded, shaken. “Come on.” We got children out of hiding spots and sent them running to Darwin. More soldiers landed and snuck in, searching rooms to knock out and steal what kids they could while we fought them off.

           “Bobby!” Jubilee was racing down the hallway with Kurt, Rogue, and Kitty behind her.

           “Where’s John?” Bobby called but I caught him.

           “I’ll get him, stay here with Loki.” I turned. “Get them downstairs.” Loki hesitated but beckoned for them to follow him.

           “Let go of me!” John struggled against the floor while he was dragged off before a dart gun was pointed and I flew forward, knocking the first man out the window. Three more pursued me. I elbowed one then braced my hand on his neck and wrapped my thighs around the neck of another, twisting to bring him to the floor and block a round of bullets. I pulled my scepter forward and skewered a man, tossing him into John’s attackers before magic pushed them outside and something pricked my back but I ignored it in the mess. The last one under me struggled as John scrambled to get up.

           “That one has my lighter.” John pointed.

           “Kindly return his lighter.” I advanced as the armed man lifted his weapon before I grabbed his neck to suck half the life from him. Sighing outwardly, I felt my veins crawl under my skin and stood.

           “Whoa.”

           “I get that a lot,” I turned with black, gold eyes and he stilled when they changed back. “Oh, right.” I bent over and stole his lighter. “Come on.” I tossed it and he caught it, catching up. “The lighter is smart, though I wonder if you could train yourself to sense the most acute spark and catch it. This way, your friends are downstairs.”

           “John!” Bobby took his arms and noticed a cut on his forehead. “You’re hurt.”

           “I’m fine, Bobby,” John scoffed and pulled away, wiping his brow.

           “Follow the tunnel, don’t wait for me.” I ushered them inside. Natasha raced up the stairs. “All the students are out, but I know they grabbed a few.” Logan jumped over us both and stabbed his claws into a man coming up the stairs before he turned to follow. Loki took my wrist and we went inside, running down to meet up with Rogue’s group.

           “I can’t get ahold of Jean or Ororo but they should be there now. Tony and Pepper are gathering the others to get the students to the Tower safely.” Natasha puffed while we raced.

           “Darwin will meet them. You should go too. Logan and I will locate Jean and Ororo in Boston. This mutant holds the key to finding Stryker and figuring his plan.” We turned the corner.

           “We’re going with you.” Kitty spoke up.

           “You’re going with Agent Romanoff.” Logan insisted.

           “We’re in this fight, you know,” Bobby added. “My family is in Boston. We can go there, get cleaned up.” We had to climb up into the garage and Natasha sighed.

           “You should take them, they want to fight.” Natasha opened a car. “You have your phone?”

           “Yeah, go.”

           “Babysitting, Scott said. Huh.” Logan scoffed and opened a protected van. “Everyone in.” I rubbed my head when I felt it spin but got in the passenger side next to Logan while everyone got buckled. Loki was behind me, looking around for more enemies. Natasha raced ahead of us and made sure the path was clear before we followed. My scepter shrunk into a small cane and I set it next to me as we drove down a dark street and turned out to get away.

           “Ugh, my head…” I moaned, reclining, so Kurt leaned forward.

           “You were shot,” he pulled a dart from my back and Loki’s breath hitched before he tossed the dart outside.

           “Stay awake.” Loki reached to take my face and I nodded.

           “I’m fine, it’ll pass. I didn’t notice it.” I touched his hand and nodded so he leaned back. I turned on the air conditioning and breathed slowly before I tried to dial Jean then Ororo. “No answer.” I slipped my phone into my pocket and closed my eyes before Logan said my name, touching my shoulder. “I’m fine, I don’t even feel it…” My world disappeared in a slow lull.

** ** **

           “Did you like it?” The voice beckoned this time under the water. “The gift. Did you like it?” My lungs seized. “This titan proved useful. Once. Only once… Did you like it?”

           “Yes.” I’d responded, remembering myself. “Thank you. Where are you? Will I remember you this time?”

           “Come and see.”

** ** **

           Thor tossed and turned in the lab, sweating and shaking until…

            _She made you feel so small._

_Don’t you hate her?_

_Don’t you wish she would just die?_

_Don’t you wish your brother was yours again?_

_Crawl back to me, boy._

           Thor cried out and woke to the whirring of machines before the doors opened.

           “Hey, bud, I just adopted fifty or so mutant kids.” Tony strolled in. “Could use a hand. You all right?”

           “Yes,” Thor lied. “Fine… What’s this about adoption?”

           “Just call me Papa Stark.”

** ** **

           “Wake up,” Loki’s voice coaxed as he pulled me out of the van and I stumbled, one arm around his neck.

           “Mmm.” I set my head on his shoulder, inhaling before I cracked my eyes open. It was barely daylight. “My staff.”

           “It’s fine.”

           “My parents aren’t even home…did they go on a vacation without me?” Bobby felt around for a spare key. “We have three showers. I’ll get some clothing upstairs for anyone still in pajamas.”

           “I’ll coax her awake fully.” Loki ushered me into a bathroom and let the cold water run, splashing my face.

           “ _Ack_ ,” I sputtered. “I’m up. I’m up.”

           “It worked.” Loki kissed my cheek and handed me a towel so we both cleaned up some.

           “We made it. I’ll call Sharon. Let her know.”

           “Go on.”

** ** **

           “Shield has a place for them now. They’ll be protected until the school is safe again.” Natasha approached Darwin and offered him a bottle of water.

           “You’ll have to pull Thor away from them.” Jane cocked her head. “The rehabilitation of Stamford is underway. Pepper’s put a hold on all projects until it’s finished.”

           “When they have a memorial, we should all go.” Darwin swallowed and Natasha agreed.

           “We’ll be there.” She offered and Jane exhaled.

           “Hard to believe it’s all real.”

** ** **

           “You have a cat,” I hurried to a counter to let it smell my hand before I petted it. “Oh, I miss Naaki. Sharon says to stay put and keep her posted while we try to get ahold of Jean.”

           “Naaki’s probably wandering the apartment and causing trouble, I dropped her off before we left.” Loki paced in while Logan searched the fridge, pulling a beer out. I shot him a look and he shrugged.

           “No one claimed it.” He offered the bottle to the cat as it jumped across to smell at him. It licked the rim and he seemed amused, pulling away when I shifted to go see to everyone else in the living room.

           “Rogue, these gloves belonged to my grandma. They okay?”

           “Yeah, thank you, Bobby.” She slipped them on and sat down in a chair.

           “People coming,” I looked up and the front door opened. Logan stopped with a beer in hand while mortals I assumed to be Bobby’s young brother and parents entered. Bags dropped on the floor and Bobby hurried in to defuse the situation.

           “Honey….aren’t you supposed to be at school?” His mother asked, picking her cat up and backing away.

           “Bobby, who are these people?” His father gestured.

           “Um, this is Professor Logan.” He pointed. “And my friends from school. She,” he looked at me, “is, ah, a counselor…” He peered at a comic on the table of a man dressed like a bat. “Doctor…Harleen.”

           “And him,” his brother looked at Loki. Luckily, Loki had charmed both our faces.

           “That…He is Professor… _Leonard Jotun_.” Bobby explained and Loki suppressed a flat expression when my lips lifted.

           “Love your cat.” I shrugged and Bobby found his voice again when Kurt rounded the corner and his family cried out at his appearance.

           “There’s something I need to tell you.”

** ** **

           “Colonel Stryker, we have the parts.”

           “Quit wasting my time and get those men downstairs to work.” Stryker waited until he was alone to touch the glass tank, the still body inside blew bubbles through the mask. “It’s time, Jason. Through you, finally, our legacy will be completed.” Stryker turned to pass a long row of tanks with more bodies, these ones were growing. Forming from fetus to infant to child. One brown eye. One glittering like a sunset.

** ** **

           John was clicking his lighter open and closed idly as Bobby sat with his family around the table. The rest of us found seats along the room and window. I stood opposite Logan in a doorway and watched Loki peer outside across the way.

           “So, um…” His mother broke the silence but not the tension. “When did you first know you were…a…”

           “A mutant,” John stood taller, eyes ablaze while his lighter clicked up with a small flame. He dared her to say it.

           “Would you cut that out?” She asked softer, irritated, and I crossed my arms.

           “You have to understand,” Bobby’s father piped up for the first time, “we thought Bobby was going to a school for the gifted.” Every student in the room matched puzzled, sobered expressions.

           “Bobby  _is_  gifted,” John stood up from the table he was slouched against.

           “He’s special, just like the rest of us.” Kitty tried not to sound heated.

           “He’s saved lives.” Kurt added and Mr. Drake tried to backtrack.

           “We know that, we just didn’t realize-”

           “We still love you, Bobby.” His mother tried to assure him. But, I watched his soul sink. I watched him grow disheartened. “It’s just that this mutant problem.”

           “What mutant problem?” Logan cut over her.

           “Get that off the TV?” Jubilee shook her head.

           “It’s complicated.” His mother stated finally.

           “Complicated, how? He is your son.” I stepped forward.

           “What exactly are you a Professor of, Mr. Logan?” His father changed the subject at Logan’s rough appearance.

           “Art.” Logan and I exchanged looked.

           “Well, you should see what Bobby can do.” Rogue came to sit next to him when his mother picked up a cup of tea. Bobby reached over and froze it, tapping his finger to the cup once. His mother seemed frightened, gasping and setting it down like he’d tainted the porcelain.  

           “Bobby…” She exhaled and the rest of his family was unsettled.

           “I can do a lot more than that.” Bobby smiled, trying to be light. Trying to impress them. Trying to be loved still. His brother shot up and left the room.

           “Ronny, wait,” Mrs. Drake tried, shaking her head. “This is all my fault.”

           “Men carry the mutant gene too. So, technically, it’s both your faults. Bobby was born this way, there’s nothing wrong with him. He's exactly the person he should be. Why is that wrong?” John quipped and we were interrupted when Logan’s phone rang.

           “Finally.” He nodded at me and turned to go outside.          

           “Bobby,” his mother smiled like she’d gotten the best idea on this green Earth. “Have you tried…not being a mutant?”

           “What did you say to that boy?” Loki joined the conversation intently before I could so much as open my mouth to crush this woman. “That is your son and you have the audacity to say that you love him, yet you cannot muster up the empathy to accept him for who he is?”

           “Now, wait just a minute.” Mr. Drake got up and Loki stood over him until he slipped back down. “That’s my wife.”

           “Well, you and your wife are cowardly, unfit parents. That boy is worth more than either of you. He can’t be who he is because pathetic, narrow minded, insecure humans like you dictate a world where he and other mutants cannot walk about freely without the threat of violence or death. You cannot even look at your own son!” Loki snarled and everyone was frozen. “I’ve known parents with murderers for children more loving and compassionate than what I’ve seen just now. So think long and hard about what truly is the unforgivable crime here before you so much as breathe around that boy again. Bobby, come. You have a better family that loves you for who you are.” Loki pointed and Bobby shot up aimlessly to follow him outside.

           “Bobby, you’re not going with them.” His father jumped up and I stepped between them.

           “You touch that boy and I’ll break both your hands.” I seethed. “Time to go.” Everyone else slipped around me and I lingered to glare before following.

           “We have to go,” Logan turned to run up the steps when police units pulled up, guns drawn to surround us.

           “Logan…” Rogue began as his claws came out on instinct.

           “Drop the knives and put your hands in the air,” a man began with shaken hands, gun up.

           “They’re unarmed children.” I warned aloud and no one moved so I covered them as best I could.

           “What’s going on here?” Logan asked, surveying the area.

           “My brother…” Bobby was numb.

           “I said drop the knives.” The policeman repeated.

           “This is just a misunderstanding.” Logan tried.

           “Put the knives down!”

           “I can’t,” Logan was careful, lifting his hand to show them. “Look.” His blades retracted and a shot rang out. Rogue screamed when Logan fell on his side. I backed the kids up with Loki next to me.

           “Logan!” I called, unbelieving that they fired.

           “Alright, the rest of you, on the ground!” The officer barked and twenty cops around us kept steady aim. I didn't want to risk anyone further.

           “Do what he says, it’ll be fine.” I whispered. “It’s under control, I have a plan. Officer, you’re shooting at unarmed children who are surrendering without issue. If they’re that threatening, maybe you’re in the wrong line of work.” I shifted down, pulling Loki with me. “John, do as I say for right now until those weapons drop. Get down.” He stood, lighter in hand, shaken at the sight of Logan on the floor. It changed him. His soul grew brighter with fury.

           “Look kid, I said on the ground.” He echoed and I touched Logan’s head, watching the bullet shimmy out of the wound so he could heal.

           “You know all those dangerous mutants you hear about on the news,” John opened his lighter, the flame puffed aggressively in his hand before he tossed it around to throw officers back.

           “John!” I had to duck lower when the flames went over us, blasting two police cars aside. Rogue yanked her glove off, grasping his ankle to stop him while I pulled Logan upright.

           “We have to go now!” I called, pulling them up as Rogue put fires out then released her friend. John fell forward but I stopped him, ushering everyone down the stairs before a jet sounded overhead.

           “Ororo.” Logan put himself between us and the cops again. It landed and we hurried forward, no one touched us this time. I summoned my scepter from the car, holding it tight in my grasp. Bobby lingered to look back at his family, huddled together in the front window.

           “Bobby,” I touched his shoulder and he nodded, mute, before he came with me to get inside. Jean and Ororo looked back from the controls and a new woman turned in her seat, legs crossing, with a relaxed and somehow deadly expression. My lips parted. She glowed so vibrant. Shaking my head, I turned and touched John’s face to ensure he was alright when Logan spoke.

           “Who the hell is this?”

           “Frost. Emma Frost.”

           “Whatever you say.” Logan slipped into a seat, buckling in.

           “Charmed.” She turned back, wearing an expensive white coat lined in fur with a hat that matched.

           “All right?” I touched John’s chin and he was resigned, nodding. “We’re safe. Logan’s safe. You’re safe.”

           “Yeah, for now,” he offered and I handed him his seatbelt. Loki was still staring at Emma’s back and I passed him, sitting alone across from her.

           “You didn’t have to say all that back there.” Bobby turned. “But…thank you.”

           “Your parents were rude and poorly dressed, it annoyed me.” Loki shrugged and Bobby smirked, looking away when we took off. I smiled as Loki joined me.

           “Proud of you.” I whispered, kissing his jawline. He curled his hand into mine without looking at me.

           “Storm?” Logan rubbed his head and she smiled.

           “We’re out of here. Finally.”

           “Stop trying to read my mind,” I turned and Emma amused herself.

           “Why?”

           “Why stop or why can’t you read it?” I watched her look at me so I offered my name. “And this is my husband, Loki.”

           “I know you, Stryker mentioned you. Once or twice.” Emma sat back. “I know him from old files. A horned helmet. Really?” I pressed my lips to hide my smile at that remark. Loki opened his mouth to retort but was spoken over.

           “Emma has agreed to help us deal with Stryker.” Jean cut in as Ororo drove us off. “He controlled her mind but lost her, she’s powerful. In return, she gets asylum.”

           “You’re a telepath and you can turn to…diamond. Saw a video. Impressive.” I commented and she shifted to a crystalline structure, causing me to sit up straight in awe. “Shit.”

           “What’s your problem?”

           “I can’t…see or read your soul anymore when you’re like that. That’s never happened to me.”

           “First time for everything, especially failure.” Her voice was cold pouring water. She shifted back to herself when I relaxed into my seat.

           “I like her.”

** ** **

           “How far are we?” Logan unbuckled himself and stood behind Ororo.

           “We’re actually not too far now.” She smiled at him, touching his hand when it came to rest on her shoulder. He kissed her hair and sighed with tired eyes.

           “I’ve…got two signals approaching.” Jean touched the radar when it beeped. “Coming in fast.”

            _“Unidentified aircraft, you are ordered to descend to twenty thousand feet and return with our escort.”_ The radio began.  _“You have ten seconds to comply.”_

           “Someone’s angry…” Ororo looked up, brow furrowing and I unbuckled myself, standing to hold onto a belt loop above as I got to Logan.

           “I wonder why.” He peered at Pyro, who shrugged.

            _“We are coming up alongside you to escort you to base. Lower your altitude now.”_  Came the order again.

           “Charles is out there trapped by Stryker and if we linger, we may find him too late.” I offered and Ororo made no move to comply.

           “They’re falling back.” She looked out the window and the console beeped louder.

           “They’re marking us.” I pushed Logan back into a seat and came up between Jean and Ororo.

           “Hold on!” Jean hurried and Ororo pushed a lever, blasting us forward and spinning the craft around while I held tight and tried to expand out, covering the aircraft with a failing ward.

           “Please don’t do that again.” John looked sick when we slowed again and turned abruptly.

           “I agree.” Logan exhaled. “Don’t we have any weapons in this heap?!”

           “Working on it,” Ororo gripped the control and her eyes went white before the sky opened, turning darker until small tornados came down to cover us. Lightning struck and our ship shook violently as we veered around.

           “I can’t get ahold of either pilot, they’re moving too fast,” I closed my eyes and tried to grab a soul but they jerked back.

           “They fired on us!” Jean was flipping switches before she clenched her teeth and her eyes were alight with fire while she tried to block one missile.

           “There’s two of them,” Ororo warned and an explosion behind us sounded when one spun out.

           “Trying,” Jean focused and tried to get the second one as it closed in.

           “Jean.”

           “Oh god,” Jean breathed and it exploded, ripping a hole in the back of the ship.

           “Rogue!” Bobby screamed, reaching for her when she was ripped from her seat and out. Letting go, Kurt and I shared a look before he grasped me and we disappeared as I flew toward her. Rogue was unable to scream when we both grabbed her and teleported back into the ship. I held them tight and gripped a metal bar to keep us in place while the ship spun around toward the thick forest below. The hole in the ship mended itself and we slowed.

           “Jean?”

           “It’s not me!” She shook her head and Ororo held tight, trying to stop our descent before we froze mere feet from the ground.

           “Everyone all right?” I breathed heavily, checking Rogue over and she nodded. I pulled myself up behind Ororo’s seat and looked out the window to see Magneto with an entertained expression, arm out to hold the ship steady. Mystique was next to him. Logan grunted, cracking his neck.

           “Guess this is our stop.”

** ** **

           “She hasn’t called again and we can’t get ahold of Logan or Loki,” Sharon followed Tony into a conference room where the team was. Scott joined them.

           “I can’t get Jean or Ororo to pick up either.” He added.

           “We’ll track your jet, start there,” Tony nodded and Janet turned on the news.

           “Anti-Mutant marches happened all day today and this…” She changed the channel. A cellphone video recording of the attack on Bobby Drake’s house. “The media conveniently left out the part where Logan complied and was shot down. He left with them. So Jean and Ororo found them but they’re not back at the mansion.”

           “Stryker stole pieces of Cerebro, they broke into our lab.” Scott added. “And he has Charles.”

           “We searched a number of old bases and Stryker wasn’t in any of them, my agents are still looking.” Sharon crossed her arms. “We’ll find them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is :) :) :) Thanks to all my readers, your comments are so appreciated.


	41. Three Days of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ultimate Alliance! Teams converge against Stryker's base but Thanos has a trick or two up his sleeve. The long going battle against their titan adversary begins to climax with shockwaves that will ripple everyone's reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for torture, death, and some gore. Titan bitch on the rise.

           The sun was setting while we fussed with the jet and landed it for repair. They got John to start a fire and I sat a few feet away from the group on a rock, curled up as I kept watch. Kurt perched in the tree above me and Rogue wandered over.

           “Thank you,” she pressed her lips and Kurt blinked.

           “Bitte schön.” He’d offered and she touched my shoulder so I nodded, smiling until she turned to go. I sighed and Kurt jumped down next to me. “You’re upset.”

           “A lot of this is my fault and Stryker’s fault and I’m angry. I want to put an end to him. And Thanos. And Hydra. And every person out there marching against mutants.”

           “They don’t understand.” Kurt brought his legs up and held them.

           “Many won’t try too.”

           “You are so very powerful. Wonderful. Beautiful. A deity they are now looking and praying to because they want and trust you.” He explained. “And so enraged at the world. It should not be that way.”

           “Sometimes anger keeps you going.” I turned my face to him when he touched it, encouraged.

           “So can faith.” Kurt kissed my hand and stood, sitting closer to the group around the fire. Loki crossed his arms and leaned against the tree next to me. Across the way, Emma was seated on the steps leading to the jet in her pristine clothing. She peered at me and I looked away quickly.

           “Phone had no signal and now it’s dead,” I sighed.

           “Sounds about right,” Loki smirked a little and John rounded the tree to see me.

           “Hey, I wanted to ask about something you said earlier. They’re still setting up and talking about the jet. Boring stuff.”

           “Yes?” I sat up, legs crossing when he shifted next to me. Loki turned his head to watch.

           “You said that I could pick up the smallest spark if I tried.”

           “Yes, you have to be quick.” I smiled, bring my fingers up to snap them. “You see, that tiny flutter of static magic. Take it.” John nodded, looking closely before I snapped them again and he brought his hand up but missed.

           “Again, I got it.”

           “Now.” I snapped my fingers and a flame flickered out and into his hand, growing.

           “Holy shit.”

           “Ah.” I wagged my finger.

           “My bad.” He watched the flame, casting it between one hand then the other before it went out. “Remind me to stick with you in battle.” I laughed at that and we both turned when Magneto spoke as the group sat around the fire. John got up to join them.

           “Stryker invaded your mansion for Cerebro. Mystique found proof on his files. He’s rebuilding his own.”

           “And he took the Professor to operate it.” Jean realized so I stood up. “But, Charles wouldn’t help Stryker of his own accord.”

           “Which is why my DNA could coax him,” I approached and everyone looked up. “Stryker organized attacks to turn the public against you and swing the vote in his favor so he could control what they’re calling the mutant problem. But, then again, your Professor is an extremely powerful telepath, even I’m not sure if what Stryker is doing with me is enough. Unless he has something more.”

           “We won’t know until we find him.” Ororo replied.

           “While Cerebro is working, Charles’ mind is connected to every living person on the planet, if he were forced to concentrate hard enough on a particular group. Let’s say, mutants. He could kill us all.” Magneto went on.

           “Wait a minute, how did Stryker know where to find Cerebro in the first place?” Ororo asked and Magneto looked into the fire.

           “Because I told him. It was the last thing I told him. I helped Charles build it, remember? Before Mystique saved me from that lab, Stryker forced me to tell him everything. You want more on Stryker? Ask Wolverine. Adamantium. The metal on your bones, Stryker put it there.”

           “Don’t remember it all.” Logan replied. “I was in that lab with you. They caught me when I was scoping them out. Stryker tried to brainwash me again, turn me back into his pet project. Escaped with her.” He pointed at me.

           “Stryker took tiny samples so I wouldn’t notice, I was under the influence of drugs. Hair. Tissue. Blood. Something. They opened me up…few times. Planned to empty me but I got out before they could do further testing. I have reason to believe they got another idea from Hydra files of me. Something Bucky Barnes said. It's bothered me since. About fertilizing my eggs with-” I stopped, clearing my throat. “Female Asgardians are worth more than the males here.”

           “It would take months. Years even to do what you’re implying.” Jean was soft and I nodded.

           “And Mystique did something neither of your teams could. She discovered that there is indeed a base Stryker’s been operating out of for years.” Magneto looked past us when the sticks cracked. “And one of you knows exactly where it is.”

           “Do you remember where he took you, Lady Frost?” I asked, standing taller and she blinked, shifting to stand a few feet behind me.

           “If I remembered where he kept me, sugar, I would have gone back myself and wrung his neck.” She crossed her arms and tilted her lips up.

           “Well, I…” I was flustered somehow, cheeks heating up and she grew amused. “I could…or you know, Jean, could. It doesn’t have to be me. Jean, I think this is a job for you. Because I…I…”

           “Translation.” Mystique quirked her brow.

           “She’s saying they can find the location telepathically.” Loki replied for me and I nodded with some haste.  _Why was I like this? What the fuck was going on?_

           “Jean,” I gestured and Emma scoffed, eyeing me almost slyly when I rounded her to move so Jean could come forward.

           “Get it over with then, don’t have all day.”

           “Try to relax.” Jean pressed her lips and put both hands on Emma’s head.

           “What was that?” Loki muttered and I shrugged hopelessly. Jean was shaking in her search and both women pulled from each other, gasping.

           “I’m sorry.” Jean breathed, realizing. “Stryker’s at Alkali Lake. Underground.”

           “We’ll get the jet working, plan our next move. We need to get ahold of everyone else. It could be four or five hours until we get off the ground. We have tents. Sleeping bags. Might want to start grabbing them.” Ororo gestured. “Don’t wander too far from camp, we’re wanted still.” Everyone started getting up to separate and Kurt approached Mystique, instantly her head tilted away from him. I watched a color flicker inside her in a way that reminded me of my mother.

           “Excuse me, they say you can imitate anyone. Even their voice.” He began and she repeated his tone.

           “Even their voice.”

           “Why not stay in disguise all the time. You know? Look like everyone else.” His tail flicked up and she moved to go.

           “Because we shouldn’t have to.” I watched her soul tremor with regret that was washed away when we locked eyes. Kurt moved to go and she passed me, Loki left to grab a tent.

           “Something to say?” Mystique paused to see my eyes.

           "Oh. Oh my..." My eyes narrowed.

           "Whatever you're thinking...don't."

           “You should tell him the truth. He’s a good, brave boy. Lonely. Happier now.”

           “I don’t know what you mean.”

           “I know what remorse looks like. Especially on a mother. Seen it a lot. Stay quiet, it’ll hurt him and you.”

           “You ever stay out of the business of others?” She asked.

           “No. I can’t.” I shrugged, grinning. “Can. _Won’t._ Who knows any longer? Not me. I’m unstable.”

           “He’s better off.” Mystique replied, watching him laugh across the way with his friends. “Much better off.”

           “Parents always think that.” I smiled, passing her to see Loki.

           “How fast can you shapeshift?” He craned his neck and she regarded him before changing into him in a flash. At the exact same time, Loki changed into her.

           “Gods, why.” I shook my head, pulling the tent from his hands to go set it up.

           “Impressive,” Loki offered behind me.

           “I’ve lost my husband,” I remarked a few feet away and Jubilee snickered.

           “Does he ever do that when you guys…you know?” John shrugged and Kitty punched his arm. “What? I bet it makes it interesting. I would. Jeez.”

           “You all are sleep deprived, I suggest you rest while you can.” I dropped the tent and magic began to assemble it. Behind me, Loki and Mystique were still shifting over and over again in conversation. The kids moved to get tents from the jet and pick spots, buddying up.

           “Who would Stryker make his tiny goddess army with?” Emma approached behind me, causing me to jump when I dropped my spell which sent my half made tent to the ground.

           “I, uh, I’m not sure.”

           “Hopefully not himself. One is enough. Not something I’d ever like to picture.” She just stared and beamed with bright crystalline eyes and I nodded mutely.

           “Yes,” I breathed a little slower and shook my head. “One most certainly is enough.”

           “You read souls but you can’t read me in this form.” Emma changed and I shook my head, lifting my hand to finish the tent after a beat.

           “No, you disappear.”

           “I must be a lucky girl.” She stepped closer and I shifted back into a tree, stilling. “No one can read my mind in that form and likewise, I can’t read them.”

           “Indestructible?”

           “Oh, yes.”

           “Fascinating.” I paused. “Do you remember how Stryker controlled you?”

           “I remember a painful needle in the back of my neck and nothing else.”

           “Agreeing to come to war with us was brave.”

           “Stryker has it coming to him.” Emma smirked. “And war implies that both sides have an equal chance at winning.”

           “You should see what else we’re up against, Lady Frost.” I watched her eyes and she blew a cold breath.

           “I just might, sugar.”

           “One at a time I suppose. All at once would be more satisfying.” I turned, finishing the tent. “You have friends around? Family?”

           “Unnecessary,” she shifted once more and smiled when I looked back at her face. “I am, by definition, my own best friend.”

           “I wish I understood that reference.”

           “You have a lot of getting out to do.”

           “I’m slowly learning that fact.” I inhaled and moved my hair aside, squatting to fuss with a sleeping bag when she crossed to follow Magneto into the jet with Ororo and Jean. Mystique left Loki to go as well and I rubbed my face, deciding to stay and keep watch.

           “Making friends?” He inquired with a look of pride.

           “Could say the same for you. Good spot?”

           “Far distance from the others, behind trees and bushes. Closer to the water. Romantic.”

           “I want to be far enough to keep watch around us.” I unzipped and got in as many went to bed. Loki joined me to lie on his back. “You know, Thanos hasn’t been too bothersome. I thought I’d be happy but I know it’s because he’s moving in on Thor too.”

           “My brother is strong and he knows what he’s getting into. He won’t give Thanos any satisfaction.” Loki turned to see me, soundproofing the tent. “You’re tense and unfocused.”

           “I’m unstable,” I repeated, laughing out loud and Loki rolled atop me. His lips were on my neck and I sighed. “Oh, Loki.”

           “Oh, Loki…is right,” he kissed me. “Relax. Let all those worries slide away for awhile.” He was moving and pulling down just enough clothing until he could push inside. I seized up, thighs parted while I gasped against his lips. “Say it again, sweetheart.” We faded together.

           “ _Oh…Loki…_ ”

** ** **

           “It’s ringing,” Ororo waved me over.

           “Good, we’ve tried for an hour.” I looked into a screen. “Come on. Come on.” The image clicked on and I grew excited. “Yes! Tony! Can you hear me?”

           “Psych? Where the hell are you guys?” He moved and Sharon joined him. “We have contact, everyone!” He spoke to the rest of the room, the screen flickered but stayed.

           “Tony, it’s a long story and I might lose you. We need anyone you can spare to Alkali Lake. We believe Stryker’s hidden base is there underground. He has Charles and mutant children stolen from the school locked there. We have evidence he’s building another Cerebro to wipe out all mutants. Tony, we’re two hours out and we need back up. Hurry.”

           “We’re coming for you,” Sharon was running off to give orders. Tony was in a rush too, holding his phone out.

           “You heard the boss. See you soon, Psych.”

** ** **

           “Doctor, would you like to do the honors?” Tony gestured to a red button and Bruce rolled his eyes.

           “Really, because just hours ago, you were spouting off about how much time and effort led up to this and how if it didn’t work, you’d be crushed. About how this is the future of Iron Man. Hank, Janet, Peter…you remember that?”

           “And you shed a tear.” Janet joked.

           “I did not.” Tony turned around.

           “You calling my wife a liar?” Hank cut in and Peter scoffed before he smashed the button himself. Tony gaped at him but quickly turned to see thirty suits rev up, parts assembling or disassembling themselves to go.

           “It’s working!” Tony tossed his hands up while they blew past him. “Fly! Fly my pretties!” He about cackled and put on a show for himself that was enjoyed by no one else. The moment was short lived.

           “Quit acting like a jackass, Stark! Put one on.” Scott called from the doorway, tearing into the excitement. “We’re going.”

           “Riding with him is going to be fun.” Tony let his mood drop.

           “We get along fine,” Bruce turned his nose up and moved to go.

           “You sure they’re going to make the trip, Tony?” Janet shifted to follow him.

           “Psych will get her back up and we’ll be right behind it.”

** ** **

           “Why don’t we get uniforms?” Rogue watched Logan fix his gloves.

           “Yeah, where is ours?” Bobby added.

           “They’re on order,” Logan smirked, “should be a few years.”

           “Darling, little help?” I gestured and Loki changed my outfit with magic before his own. “You always know what compliments me.” I turned around, picking up my staff to strap it to myself.

           “Dorky looking helmet,” Pyro gestured to Magneto’s helm and I raised my brow at Loki before he shot me a look that told me not to comment.

           “This dorky looking helmet is what’s going to protect me from the real enemy,” Erik watched the boy open and close his lighter before he raised his hand to steal it. “What’s your name?”

           “John.”

           “What’s your real name, John?” Magneto admired the flame. I watched snow and mountains pass below the window.

           “Pyro,” he stole the flame and held it.

           “Quite a talent you have there, Pyro.”

           “I can only manipulate fire. Not create it.”

           “No. You are a god among insects. Never let anyone tell you different.” Erik replied softly, handing the lighter back. After what John had seen, I watched his face resonate with this old man’s words.

           “Thank you.”

** ** **

           Thor had to be strong. He had to save his friends. His brother.

            _What would you do to save those you love?_

           “Thor?” Jane appeared at his side. “How you holding up?”

           “I am not sure.” He cupped her face. “I’ll be glad when this is all over.”

            _Could you make the sacrifice others could not?_

           “Yeah. Me too.” She paused and he kissed her sweetly. “Darwin stayed behind with Shield agents to watch the kids. You up for this?”

           “I have to be, I’m needed by these realms..." He told himself before his tone changed to something heartfelt. "My best friend and brother are out there fighting. I’m going to stand with them. Always.”

            _So you think, boy._

** ** **

           “Took her all of five minutes to get into that tunnel in a disguise and infiltrate the base.” I remarked behind Ororo when Mystique signaled for us.

           “She’s good.” Logan admitted and Magneto slid in next to him.

           “You have no idea.”

           “Spillway doors are opening. Move it.” Mystique offered over the radio and Ororo got up, eyes changing.

           “You all stay here. Watch for backup.” Logan pointed and Kitty huffed, sitting while the kids remained inside.

           “That’s my cue.” The storms began in an instant, greying the sky with heavy clouds when she shifted down the ramp and steps, arms lifting with lightning sparking in her hands.

           “Can you see Charles and the mutants inside?” Jean asked as Storm took out all the men at the doors in one wave.

           “Yes. Mystique needs assistance first. Men trying to break in.” I pulled my staff off and bashed one man’s skull in when he tried to get up. “This way.” Jean picked two soldiers up and tossed them aside with her mind. I opened my head to let her see her missing mutants.

           “You know what you have to do. Take Loki and Emma. Go. We’ll find the kids and the professor. Get rid of all of it so he can’t touch anyone else.” Jean gestured and I nodded, racing off. “Earpiece in!” She shouted and I waved, turning the corner.

           “Down,” Loki got in front of me, sliding forward to magically toss a man out of the way.

           “Mystique says the info hub is third floor down.” Ororo warned in my ear. The building shook and I stopped, looking up when I felt my friends.

           “They’re here.” I smiled and a small war began, forcing men to leave the base and protect it.

           “Yeah, yeah, exciting. Move it,” Emma pushed me toward the stairs and I flew over the bannister, grabbing three armed men and allowing them to fall all the way down.

           “Avengers are here with Scott and…what the fuck.” Logan hissed while I kicked a door down.

           “Come again?” Loki muttered.

           “Thirty Iron Men. As if the world needs more.” I could hear fighting behind Logan’s voice.

           “Psyche wanted back up. I’m a good friend, I deliver. Usually in style.” Tony entered the conversation.

           “Sorry, I’m missing it, Tony. We worked so many nights on them.” I responded. “Loki, get started there. You’ll be faster than me.”

           “Only in this scenario,” he remarked.

           “We all heard that, brother.” Thor cut in.

           “I know.” Loki stopped when I covered his lips.

           “You in?” I released him, the stone walls were quaking from the battle above.

           “Deleting and corrupting every single system. File. Everything. Copied what we needed to take Stryker out.” He smiled so I kissed his head.

           “Keep at it, I feel something down the hallway.” I moved and Emma paused but followed after me. “Stryker is above if you want your turn at him. It’s taking every bit of self-control not to turn around. They told me not to kill him. Uh…this room.”

           “No, I feel it too, what is this place?” She cocked her head at the door I’d stopped in front of.

           “I don’t know, I detect life but it’s so…still.” I wedged the door open and forced it, stopping when the lights came up. “By the nine…”

           “What is it?” Janet asked.

           “Find something?” Loki followed but, I was just staring. Wide eyed in horror at twenty or so identical tanks with sacs growing everything from small fetuses to children that looked like they could walk. Mutated and suffering, they slept before me.

           “Nothing,” Emma lied for me so I turned my earpiece off. “Just more databases. We’re working on it.” Her earpiece clicked off. “You’re up,  _Mommy_. That’s what this is. Right?”

           “I wish I was wrong. Who is this…?” I touched a glass case with a skinny body inside.

           “Jason Stryker.” She read him. “He wants to die. Killing him would send a blow to Stryker.”

           “Stryker had…a mutant child. Left him to suffer this hell. Experimented on him.” I covered my lips, turning. “And these…they all have brain activity. This one might make it… They all could if… Building an army, they thought. Brainwashing more innocents. It must stop.”

           “Since you’re in no hurry.” Emma went to the computer. “This project was separated from their main database. I’m corrupting it now.” I went to the main console and picked up a control attached to a long, thick wire.

            “Loki always wanted children. He’d be a better father than he believes.” Shaking, I turned and watched the souls float before I slipped down to the floor and remembered some familiar words. “I’m sorry, my babies.” Grunting with a suppressed sob, I pressed a button and cut off life support. I watched the bodies tremor and Emma turned around as I sat there and watched them die. Tanks emptied. Life ended. Flames finished off every bit of the rest before acid rained down to wash it away. Emma wasn’t judging me, just watching while I wiped my face and turned to stand. “Would you have done it?”

           “Wasn’t my problem.” She considered it. “Yes.”

           “Don’t think I forgot little Stryker. Devoted dad. Torture subject. It’ll all be over soon.” I clicked off his hibernation. “Used both of us to tear mutants apart.” The frail body fell into my hands and stirred but I held him tight and cupped the back of his head to suck what little life was left from him. “ _Shh_.” Jason bled all over my shoulder and dipped back into in his glass coffin. His soul was vibrant with untapped energy.

            _Make me stronger_ , I’d prayed once.

           “Thank you.” I whispered, sighing. “We’re sharing a secret, are we closer now?”

           “No,” she shook her head with a smile that charmed. “You just gave me power over you.”

           “Perhaps, both are correct.” My chest sunk and rose steadily. “I think it’ll be worth it.” Emma and I stared at each other before she put her earpiece back in.

           “We done?” She watched me replace mine but neither of us clicked them on. I felt power running up and down my veins and tilted my head back, moaning softly.

           “Oh, he was potent. Stryker will mourn this loss. I guess that I owe you one, Lady Frost.”

           “Yes, you do. It’s Emma, as much as I enjoy Lady Frost.” Emma looked at the empty tanks before we turned to go out into the hallway. “Was it worth it to you?”

           “It was the right thing to me. Worth is of little consequence right now.”

           “You didn’t do it just because it was the right thing, you did it for power. You did it for revenge because you’re going to picture Stryker crying over his ruined life’s work and you’re going to feel pleasure from it. Even I can appreciate that. Let’s-” She came forward and stumbled, eyes widening like her ears were ringing.

           “Emma?” She fell forward into me and pain blinded my insides. Hurried, I turned my earpiece back on.

           “Jean! Ororo? Anyone? Where is Charles?” I touched Emma’s jaw to take the pain but she was still convulsing and dying. Expanding, I felt the pain of mutant souls and looked up. “Someone…”

           “Got him!” Jane shouted and I winced. Emma cried out with a gasp, heaving and Loki burst out of his room.

           “They got Charles, Stryker is escaping. We have to go before this place comes down.” Loki pulled Emma’s arm around his shoulder and I managed to pick them both up. Flying forward, we dodged falling chunks of stone and whirled around toward the main exit. The Hulk was tossing rocks at helicopters outside and we crashed into the snow.

           “Where is Stryker?” I was searching but copters were everywhere.

           “If he dies, the mutant’s reputation will never be fixed.” Charles was speaking.

           “That isn’t your call, Charles.” Erik replied.

           “Are the children out?” I got up, dusting myself off.

           “Yes, we’re coming around to the jet now.” Logan spoke and I peered at the many Iron Man suits flying about.

           “I had Stryker but I got distracted…I lost him. I fucking lost him.” I closed my eyes. He wanted me to find them. He wanted me to feel maternal and set them free upon the world. He misjudged me. I’m a heathen. I helped Emma up and hurried her to the X-Men’s jet. John pushed the ramp down and stumbled out. “Everyone okay?” I set Emma against the wall and she nodded so I got up.

           “We’re fine now…” Kitty touched her head. “He almost killed us.”

           “They got Charles out. We deleted everything, the base is blocked off and crumbling. Once the rest of them get here, we’ll talk about Stryker. The world must know what he did.” I explained, turning to go out. They instead followed and Emma got up after a moment to stand on the ramp.

           “Erik, it isn’t too late to join us. My school. We need you.” Charles was set down on a step by Logan.

           “Not this day, Charles. Goodbye, my old friend.” Erik signaled and Mystique climbed into a helicopter.

           “Wait!” John called. “I want to go with you.”

           “You are welcome to, Pyro.” Erik turned and Bobby rushed forward when many protested.

           “John, what are you doing?”

           “I want to help him. He can help me. Look around you, Bobby. You think humans are ever going to stop shooting at us? Experimenting on us? You think they’ll ever stop using us?” John tossed his hands out. "I'm done."

           “John, don’t go. You have friends and a community who accepts you.” Scott came forward.

           “And I’m prepared to fight for it by any means! I can’t do that sitting in a classroom, wasting away.” John turned and Bobby grabbed his arm.

           “We can do it together though. We need to learn everything we can and stick together. We need to build our community. John…please.”

           “John, we need you.” Jubilee shifted forward.

           “Why, Bobby? Why do you want me to stay?” John shook his head, some of the Avengers appeared from various ended battles. “Huh?” Bobby looked around at all the people gathering and Magneto waited near the door.

           “I… We love you.” He cracked.

           “Yeah? That it? …Fine. Goodbye, Bobby.” John pulled away, eyes filled with tears, and hurried to go. The helicopter took off and Kitty rushed forward.

           “Fine, you jerk! Just go! Leave your friends behind!” She raged and pulled Bobby into an embrace. “Come on, Bobby. We don’t need him. He doesn’t want us.”

           “Go inside the jet, get warm.” Jean ushered all the kids up and Tony appeared next to me.

           “Like the light show?”

           “Caught the end. Impressive. Cannot deny the style.” I pointed up and his suits swirled around before I nudged him. "Thanks, Tony."

           “United, right? Alright, children. Go home, daddy has to work.” He opened the arm of his suit and they whirled away.

           “You are too m- Jane!” I hugged her and Janet when they both came down, reuniting with the rest of my team.

           “Stryker evaded us, he knew we’d come.” Sam landed. “We have enough information to make him the disgusting fugitive he is. Nowhere left to hide after this. Shield thinks they can push to get the Sentinels program canceled. They’ll get the votes.”

           “That is truly good news. Are my students safe?” Charles asked.

           “Yes, Professor. Darwin and Agent Carter are leading them home as we speak. They’ll need you there.” Janet spoke as a few people split off to oversee wounds. Loki moved to see Thor but was pulled away by Jane and Bruce for a few questions so I went to him instead. Thor's back was to me as he watched the lake move against the snowy shore. Ice crackled distantly. I puffed against the cold and looked ahead with him. 

           “Thor, I just wanted to say…” I sighed and he didn’t turn, lowering his head. “I’m sorry that this all happened to you. I know what it’s like to have Thanos swimming around your brain. You’re so strong and brave and I love you. So much. We’re going to beat him just like this. What happened today. Everyone…united.” I touched his shoulder and he hunched like he might weep. “Thor?” He was shaking and I realized now that he was muttering to himself. In a sudden motion, Thor spun on his heel and I couldn’t react before a metal shard plunged deep into the side of my neck. I didn’t feel the pain, I only gasped blood. Thor blinked and jerked it out before he realized what he had just done.

           “Oh…Oh gods, no. I didn’t… I thought you were The Other...” Thor dropped the metal and tore at his hair. His fingers cupped my neck and blood spurted between them. “Help us!” I stumbled into him, hands lifting blind, but the blood poured out. More so than I believed possible. I heard the uproar behind Thor and he tried to stop the flow with wide, frantic eyes.

           “What have you done?!” Loki screamed and I slipped back into his arms so he brought me to the ground. My bloodied hand splashed limply into the freezing water as Loki tried and failed to heal the spurting wound.

           “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to. She was just standing there! Her eyes! I didn’t mean to!” Thor was crying, on his hands and knees in in the snow.

           “I can’t stop it!” Loki tried a healing stone and nothing could cease it. I was heaving and gasping, blood flooded my lips and poured over. All my friends were gathered around trying to help but I looked at the sky beyond them and felt the shift. My blood had turned the water and sand a nasty shade of red. Spilled. For Thanos. At long last.

           “Keep working!” Tony had my face, pressing fabric to the gash. “Psych. Stay with us. Please, stay with us.” He said my name like plea. The teens hiding away had heard the uproar and ran to my aid, shedding tears and pushing to see me.

           “Tony.” I gagged and bubbled on blood. Crying, I was grasping at him, hands on his wrists with not much left to give besides what was in my heart. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry I couldn’t save Steve. I’m sorry I couldn’t…stop Thanos. I c-…couldn’t save us.” Tony tried to smile with big watery eyes, dropping his forehead to mine while he pressed the wound. Shuddering, he came up. My friend, so honest and genuine.

           “Yeah but…you tried your damned best. Can't take that away.” He’d offered through tears and terror gripped me when I realized how much blood had poured out.

           “Run. The lake,” I wheezed in horror. “No. He wa...wanted this… The lake.” My blood branched outward and coiled, steaming before it burned down under the water. The trail of crimson leaking out my neck glittered and magic shined in a perfect circle around my throat before the wound closed itself up.

           “Gods, please,” Loki wept, pulling me up to his chest but the light formed a metal shackle and locked into place before a chain materialized and dipped into the water. “No.” The collar tugged and I panicked, clawing as my friends pulled all at once to bring me further up shore.

           “Hold on! We have you.” Ororo shouted. “Everyone pull now!” They all came down to the chain, pulling as much of it out of the water as they could. They tried and failed to break it. Emma rushed from the ship and turned to diamonds.

           “Take my hand.” She pulled at me but a sudden wave jerked me back. Bucky joined her with Natasha to tug me hard and frantic. I looked down at the portal forming and realized the inevitable.

           “Take this. Now!” I ripped my scepter off and pushed it into her hands.

           “What are you doing?!”

           “Wait… Wait.” I called, stilling them while they tried. “Let go. You have to let go or you’ll come with. I trust you. I trust you all to prepare. I love you. Let me go.” I closed my eyes and magic pulled everyone back. I cried out when I was yanked and clawed the ground, eyes darting as I pretended I was level. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Back up, it’s okay.” My friends just had to watch this happen, screaming and calling out and beating the ground until knuckles ached. "Oh gods, it's okay." I was trying to reassure myself.

           “No…No!” Loki dove down and grasped my wrists while I was pulled back. I tried to be strong and act as if I wasn't blinded with terror. “I’m going with you. You and me. As it should be. Together. I won’t let you do this alone.” I watched his eyes, accepting finally that Loki and I could do this with two hearts beating as one. We had to.

           “Loki!” Thor dashed forward when Loki set his arms around my shoulders.

           “Close your eyes.” I breathed, head on Loki’s shoulder before we both were jerked into Thanos’ realm. It smelled like thick ash and burnt tar. The ground scraped my skin while I was dragged and Loki’s breathing cast against my ear, but he was pulled from me.

           “No!” Loki struggled and I realized every piece of magic I had was suppressed under my collar. I felt myself try to break through it.

           "Loki, focus on me!" I called but he was inconsolable. He struggled and fumed with magic but a staff was cracked into his skull. A matching collar snapped around Loki before we were pulled again, both choking and reaching. I heard laughter. The laughter of a thousand demons. Thanos has rallied his defenses. Monsters and marauders from all over the galaxy coming together to serve him. More light blinded us all. We had been dragged outside the Earth, just shy of its atmosphere. My blood served as his portal. I'd gotten stronger for him. Only him. So I thought at the time. Thanos’ ships surrounded the area and stars sparkled while they poured into a portal. He’d made it. My chain clicked and I looked back finally to see him stand from his throne with open arms to welcome me.

           “Kicking and screaming. Just how I pictured.” He sighed with bliss and the portal closed above me. My chain was pulled slowly into a hole on the front of the armrest at his throne, forcing me to stay planted there at his knees. He rounded me, stepping down to see the whole picture. “Perfect.” Thanos turned to see Loki, arms pulled back behind him. His head bled and a laser rifle was pointed at it. “And you without the Tesseract, years late. Pitiful. But I have you both. I believe the expression is two birds with one stone. Thor made the perfect stone.”

           “Here’s another expression I learned on Midgard, fuck you, you titan piece of- _ah_!” I screamed when they electrocuted me with a long rod.

           “Now now, they are guests.” Thanos squeezed Loki’s cheeks in, pulling him up. Loki grunted and looked into his eyes, unable to think through terror. Unable to try escaping anymore because hope diminished. I mourned it. “What to do with you? Killing you would be too unsatisfying. I don’t want to put you on the throne where you can murmur words of comfort to your beloved. Where I’d have to see your traitor face. Ah…a compromise.” Thanos looked at me as I struggled on my knees, both hands on the chains to pull at my collar. Loki was dragged forward, bound. “Kiss him goodbye.” He held Loki’s head. “Kiss his lips one last time. Show the realm how you love. Kiss him. Knowing it will be the last.” I cracked with a sob, shaking my head.

           “Please.” There was no bargaining.

           “Begging, that didn’t take long.” Thanos fisted Loki’s hair, angling his head up. “Do it.” Shaken, I kissed Loki’s lips and grabbed for him but a swift kick in the face knocked me into the dark. Slumped, I remember Loki screaming and I remember when it stopped. I was half awake when hands changed me into a dress of Thanos’ colors that was loose and billowy down my arms and body, held around my shoulders by gold metal. Like when I was a little girl, tying sheets around my body to pretend I was a pretty princess. Shackles fit around my hands by a chain looped into my collar. They cleaned blood from my nose and Thanos tucked the cloth into his pocket like it was a souvenir. 

           “Loki.” I breathed, looking around when I was fitted back against Thanos’ throne next to his legs. A new first step. My dress hung down a row of stairs and I was barefoot. “Loki.” I tried again.

           “He’s right here,” Thanos touched my chin, turning it up to see Loki in chains, displayed across the back of the throne with his arms above his head. He was beaten badly and naked, draped in a thin, dark sheet around his waist. I screamed when I saw his face. Met his eyes. I screamed again and they all laughed at me. Loki’s mouth was sewn shut. I wailed and tried to reach his hands, fingers barely able to touch while I climbed the rocks to get to him. “Now, I think you’re overreacting. He’s much better this way.” My vocal cords burst and I screamed until he knocked me unconscious again. “I think we’re ready.” Pain erupted in my head, burned down my arms and I felt crisp air touch my lungs. Then the ash began to fall lightly. It might have been peaceful. “Open your eyes. You’re home.” Thanos released my chain so I could stand and follow him in a slight shuffle to the end of the platform as the portal opened and more poured in. New York.

           “What did you do?” I struggled when he pulled at my chain. “It’s empty.”

           “Not quite.”

           “How long has it been?”

           “A week? A month? It does not matter. The ash fell, they cleared the city. Except those who defied me. You see.” I saw the lights of Avengers Tower glimmering and suddenly, Thanos’ followers poured forward to cause chaos. Behind me, Loki was muffled and trying to sit up. “Go now. Do what you’ve trained to do. We'll take this place first and watch hope die with it.” Buildings went down in the chaos and a beacon of light from the Tower erupted toward the sky before a force field covered it. Figures jumped out of it, readily into battle. But, it wasn’t contained. Many platforms got out, past the city limits. They’d ravage other cities and expand out. “Come, we’re expected.” I was jerked back while The Other cranked my chain, grinning broad. Loki cracked his eyes open to see me and I tried to reach his hand, unable to. He puffed out his nose in unsteady breaths. “At long last. Avengers. You think evacuation will protect this city or any beyond it?” I heard calls of my name and Thanos pulled me up into his lap, pressed my head down against his thigh while a hand laid on the small of my back to keep my in place. I squirmed like a cat and watched members of my team blast weapons at Thanos that were blocked or hit away by incoming enemies. The portal closed and Thanos was really here among the Midgardians. He was so close.

           “Loki!” Thor charged forward, axe in hand before he called my name. “Release them!”

           “Recover what stones you have. Turn them over.” Thanos crushed me.

           “Thor, don’t listen to him!” My hair was pulled so I was sitting up. I heard the crackling of lightning before Jane flew up with Tony next to her. How many had died? How many would? Through the yelling and fighting, Thanos got up and I tumbled from his lap.

           “Stand.” Thanos kicked me forward and I forced myself to. He jammed a rod into my side and I fell to my knees again. “Stand.” Puffing, I stood and Loki muffled a scream when the rod cracked into my back. His followers laughed. “Pitiful. And you are supposed to be the best of them.” I could see Thor one building over, axe lifting before he jumped and I ripped my chain up around The Other’s neck. He tripped sideways when I jerked, falling over the edge before Thor beheaded him and was tossed backwards by the crashing of a vehicle.

           “Oh. Did you need him?” I scrambled, crawling but Thanos gripped my chain and prepared to strike.

           “Come and get us, eggplant!” Spider-Man swung up and shot a web that hit Thanos directly in the face before he sailed down to disappear. I laughed. Peter made me laugh. Openly. For a beat, I felt myself try to break through my bonds again when hope rose over the fear. Thanos grunted and struggled to yank webs away as followers jumped down into vehicles to get Peter. He swung high into the air, spinning around to dodge them before a blast broke through time itself and ripped into his back at full force.

           “ _Peter!”_ I’d wailed and Loki broke a sob behind me. Peter began to fall toward the Earth and I felt his soul fizzle before… “No!” It was gone. He was gone. My chain was jerked up and my feet left the floor. “You killed him!”

           “It is what happens when I am defied. Did you ever believe you had a chance? Of course not." Perhaps, he was right. Perhaps, that was the problem. "You are hopeless. And you are weak. I'll wipe every star from your horizon. Time to go to work.” Thanos watched me dangle before turning me, pressing my back to his chest. “Watch over my trophy.” My arm was sliced open and blood spilled, burning across the platform. Loki tried to curl up and mourn Peter Parker while his heart could still feel it. I saw his eyes one last time. Breath puffed cold. Green surged red. I realized the truth too late. “Think of the place you want most.”

           “Bifrost won’t open for me.”

           “Who ever said I needed it to open? I’ve been three steps ahead of your team for quite some time. You think I didn’t have a plan. Asgardians are stubborn things. But, I’m willing to push.” Thanos was patient. “Think of home. Now.”

           “No,” I struggled, eyes closing to concentrate but my mind betrayed itself.

           “Alas.” Thanos dropped me when the portal opened, gold light shined out of it. “Stand.”

           “No!” I pulled at my chains and he sighed before lifting his hand out and a light on my collar clicked on. My body jerked to its feet. “What are you doing to me?”

           “Traces of the mind stone and more are still inside you and now I control them. You destroyed my gauntlet. And now you will repay the debt. Of course, you’ll be fully aware of your actions, your mind is willful. For now. You just will not control them.” My breath left me when I was pulled inside, falling down onto stone. I smelled the air and looked down the steps in horror.

           “Asgard.” My lungs took in the sweet air I recalled. The sounds of water and waves of magic billowing off vibrant gold. Asgard was ready for Thanos. Armies lined up below.

           “Fetch,” Thanos broke my chain and my body charged forward. No words of compromise or threats were shared. Just war. Always war. Flying high, I dodged spears and my arms cracked, stretched out to use magic. To shield Thanos.  _Fight him_. I tried. I did. My joints betrayed me. Power built and boiled before I smacked my palms together and an explosion carried every warrior away. Crashing into buildings and the screams began when fire erupted. Trees were scorched and flesh peeled from bone. I stepped down upon the charred grass and realized I’d landed in front of Frigga’s garden. Burned to nothing. My knees hit the ground and I was sobbing. Warriors I'd fought with for years lay slain. “Up.”

           “Kill me!” I agonized, fingers clawing to dirt. I begged it of more passing warriors. Many tried with pity. But, I was up and flying, faster than I ever have until I broke through walls and landed in a heap on the floor of the trophy room. My chain from Thanos was broken apart but he still held my mind and limbs tight.

           “You can still save us. It cannot be anyone else. It will only bow to you.” Odin was seated there like he’d been waiting.

           “Kill me or I’ll kill you.” I begged again and he stood up.

           “They’re all dying out there because they trust you will put this right. All you need is one moment of control. One wish. One chance to go back before this. Alter this reality in any way you can even if just a little. Hope will always be stronger than fear. Even if we're just...pretending at times. You know it well.”

           “Odin, please.” I was standing before him while the Aether shook violently to get to me.  _Peter. I can save Peter. I can still save them. I had to believe it or this was nothing._

           “Trust that you will be enough. I do. I always have.” Odin pulled me into his arms and held me tight. I was crying so hard, I couldn’t see or breathe straight. He petted my hair and stilled, seizing when I’d drawn out from him. Odin cried out, blood messed down his beard and I pressed my hands into his neck until he fell backwards.

           “No! No! Stop!” I couldn’t let up and he just let it happen. Odin let me kill him.

           "Deliver us all." Odin had wheezed and offered me the words I needed to hear. The last words uttered by Steve Rogers. "Have hope."

            _Fetch_ , Thanos said again in my brain but I was crackling apart. Odin wasn’t moving. I killed him. I killed him. I killed my king and he let me.

           “Odin, wake up! Stop me!” I cried, moving toward the Aether in forced, jerking steps. The truest father I’d known was dead at my feet. I closed my eyes when I touched the Aether. I would be consumed once it took me. This would end. Thanos' gauntlet. The Aether would take what was left of my mind away. “One moment of clarity before he comes to take me.” Thanos would make me his right hand and I would destroy everything. “Breathe…” The smoke latched to me, flooding up my arms.  _Alter the reality because it is yours not his._  “I want to go back.” I would not get far so I had to make it count.

            _Sometimes anger keeps you going._

_So can faith._

           So, I clasped my hands and prayed one last time with the hopes that a glimmer of my soul could break through these bonds and be enough. I prayed and finally, let blind hope flourish around me. The realms would feel it too. We fought so long. So hard. 

            _"Would you die for it?"_ Nerien said again, vibrating. But, then he didn't sound like himself. My vision turned red like rubies sparkling. Somehow, it was familiar. _"Would you live for it?"_

           “Yes. I will meet any demand. Fight any obstacle. Give my entire being over for it. Please. Make me strong enough…to…” I cried out while the Aether flooded me and cracked my skin and bones apart to show through. My soul caught fire. Hair and clothes burned away. Crystal started to crackle out over skin to cover me. “Make me strong enough to…defeat him. Let me save them. Let me save them all. I'm still in control. I have hope. I will save them all even if I must take the wheel myself! I want to go back. I want…to go back!” My skin charred, I tossed my head back and felt a spear of fire stab through my heart. The light blinded and burned my flesh away before I was reeling down. Gasping, I woke back on the platform. Blinking. Loki and I were being pulled from each other. His lips weren’t sewed shut. We’d just been pulled in after they opened me once to get into Earth's realm.

           “It worked.” I whispered. My friends were still alive. Thanos opened his arms to welcome me and I laughed, loud and echoing and  _unstable_. I cackled like the mad witch I'd become. “It worked! Two birds. One stone. Right?” He seemed displeased. My boot heels skidded across the floor as I was heaved and dropped to his feet. Loki had stilled because of my state and the one with the staff behind him had not struck him, distracted.

           “No time to waste,” Thanos decided this time and my head drooped.

           “You’ll lose.” I heaved. “We fought for so long and you’re going to lose in every single reality. I'll make certain of it even if we must do this more years than we already have. Loki, remember the person you are. Use that.” Loki’s eyebrows lifted when I broke into his fear this time. “The raw soul under every layer you built. Have hope and believe it is enough. I do. Don't be afraid.”

           “Bring the little traitor over,” Thanos beckoned. I could see the Earth in the distance. “Ready to aim us toward the city the Avengers call home.” Loki puffed when he was dragged to me. Thanos smashed his head at my feet and set his boot on Loki’s back.

           “She…She is right.” Loki tried to smirk with bloodied lips and I struggled against the arms holding me. “These chain suppress my magic, but you know…there is something it cannot fully suppress because you did not think of it. You thought I would be weak without magic. Ha. Never neglect the forces of pure and unchanged nature. You forget...I am not Asgardian.” Loki grunted when Thanos squished him into the stone and I watched Loki’s breath chill briefly to signal me.

           “Any last words to the man you’ve cherished for so long?” Thanos cocked his head at me and I scoffed a silent word. “Hm.” He pulled me to his face. “What was that?”

           “ _Transverberation_.” I uttered before I looped my chains around his neck and jumped over his body to jerk him off Loki. “Face it, eggplant, I’m three steps ahead of you.” Loki rose, turning blue before his chains began to crackle off. Ice speared around us, impaling followers all over. Thanos was forced to break mine so I wouldn’t throttle him once I got my fingers on his neck to bring him pain. There was an uproar of his Black Order members. In an instant, Loki whirled around and a dome of ice covered us.

           “It won’t last us.” He looked into my eyes, thickening it while they all tried to break through. “I should have been quicker, I would have let him beat me down if you were not here to make me think. I love you.” The dome crackled under the weight of stress as they tried harder to get inside and Loki chilled my chains until they were brittle.

           “Can you teleport us?”

           “I’m not strong enough or prepared to.”

           “Then, together. Pray we end up somewhere good. Think of a place we were happy together all at once.” I ripped open my sleeve. “I love you.” Loki fashioned a blade of ice and cut down my arm, allowing it to sizzle the floor. He pulled me into his arms and I shuddered, eyes closing so we could summon the will to use Thanos’ own magic against him before it faded. We fell as one and burned. Crashing together down into a hard tile floor and skidding into furniture. Loki opened now green eyes and looked around, moaning as he stood and pulled me up. Ice crashed but the portal closed.

           “We’re home. The apartment.” He rubbed his head and ripped the curtains away from a window. “Thanos is not here yet.”

           “He is just beyond this earth now because my blood already let him in...and he coming. I know what he wants to do with me now. With all of us. I'm ahead of him.” I stumbled into the counter and held bile down before I drank from the sink.

           “Naaki! You beautiful beast,” Loki heaved her unimpressed self up and held her to his chest. I joined the embrace and kissed them both while she purred.

           “We have to go, come on. This might be our last chance. I saw...every single reality. I lived them I think. Loki, I need to tell you everything.” I pulled at him and opened a window. “And they need to be warned before it begins.”

           “It already has.”

           “Not quite.”

** ** **

           We got to the Tower before them, landing where the Tesseract once opened a portal.

           "Sweetheart, we have a chance now to save them together. They will not perish under him."

           “There was a light right here, up into the sky. And…and ash.” I watched him turn suddenly when a jet surged toward us to land below. “They don’t know what’s coming.” I jumped down and skidded onto the platform when the doors opened. Tony cursed aloud and slipped to fall backwards on the ramp.

           “What is it? Oh!” Sam hurried forward to hug me tight. “It’s you. But, he… But, you both… What happened?”

           “I have little time to explain it but-”

           “Guys, we have a problem.” Bucky came down with Jane and M.J. behind him, gawking at me.

           “But, you…and he…?”

           “Yes, it’s a long story.” I began until Peter appeared so I rushed to squeeze him. “Peter! Oh, you’re safe.” Loki joined me without thinking and Peter seemed more confused.

           “Yeah, I’m okay…are you?”

           “Yes, we’re fine. We’re all fine,” I touched his hair and face, sighing before I remembered myself. “I know what Thanos is going to do and I know he’s going to win if he does it. I cannot run out of chances.” I explained. “We need to get down to the lab and talk about this.” X-Men joined us and Emma was carrying my staff in hand, scoffing.

           “And I’d finally gotten used to the feel of it.” She tossed it over and I smirked at that.

           “Come see this first, he’s not well.” Jane came to take my hand and I set my staff aside while Loki followed. Thor was curled up in a ball, weeping and shaking while Jean and Charles tried to soothe his mind.

           “We can’t get through to him.” Bucky swallowed. “I know what he’s… I tried.”

           “Thor.” I kneeled. “I’m alive and safe. So is Loki.”

           “No, you’re not…I stabbed you. I stabbed you. I didn’t…mean to, it just happened. The Other took me and I tried to fight him.” Thor shook his head, holding it before his eyes sparked.

           “Easy,” Jean was holding the berserker back.

           “Thor, focus on me.” Loki handed Naaki off to Hank and came next to me. “Remember what mother said?”

           “She told me to take care of you. My little brother.” Thor squeaked.

           “That’s right and you have to come out of here to do that.” Loki scooted closer, touching my shoulder. “I have him.”

           “I lost you. I couldn’t reach.”

           “You can now, come here, idiot.” Loki shuffled into Thor’s arms, setting them around him. “Remember what mother said?”

           “Cradle his head, Thor. He’s small.” Thor lifted his hand to cup the back of Loki’s head. “You must always protect him and let him protect you.”

           “Go, tell them what happened. Thor and I will be along,” Loki lifted his eyes to me and I nodded.

           “How did you escape?” Jean asked while they helped Charles into a wheelchair.

           “That's just it. I didn’t at first.”

** ** **

           “So, we fail?” Janet asked across the table.

           “You see us die, you see people in Asgard die. You kill Odin. He knew.” Thor was calmer, seated next to Loki and I nodded.

           “Thanos means to use me to replace his gauntlet and if he gets me again, all will be lost. The moment I’d get the Tesseract, I’ll locate the sister stones easily. The Aether will turn me into a shell first and all will be lost. He’s coming here and now we have the upper hand.”

           “She’s right, Thanos is coming to us. Not the other way around. We can use that.” Tony sat up. "Every single one of us need to be locked into this. One team. We'll save this world and any beyond it."

           “We die… We really die?” Peter looked from Loki to me. “Who goes first?” Exhaling out my nose, I watched his eyes grow big. “I die first?”

           “I altered reality, it won’t happen.” I assured him.

           “I die.” He puffed, sitting back.

           “We have to evacuate the city,” Scott looked up.

           “Get every connection we have. Supers. Mutants. Military. Anyone willing to lock down and fight wherever they are…we have to warn them.” Sam looked to Sharon and she agreed.

           “We have to secure you so Thanos can’t get to you.” Bruce sighed and I shook my head.

           “I can’t sit somewhere, I have to fight.” I protested.

           “You said that you saw the end of the world. Thanos needs you to do it. You. We can’t risk it.” Jean looked up. “You said there was a force field around the tower.”

           “Force field, eh?” Sue Storm set her hands on her hips when her team entered together. It was a welcomed sight. “I’m certain we can work something out.”

           “I am to hide behind a shield while my loved ones fight. There isn’t justice in that.” I touched the table.

           “There isn’t the end of the world in that either.” Loki stood. “From here, you can tap into city cameras. Communicate. You’ll be instrumental in us beating Thanos because you have been this entire time. This battle has lasted years from the moment I took the scepter. And we've endured. We need first to break Thanos’ connection to his order of followers. The Other must be separated and killed, he is right hand to Thanos and the main communication between Thanos and his pawns.”

           “I can expand, but I shouldn’t. He’ll know and it’ll further draw him and his influence to me.” I explained, sighing. “You have to plan and you have to leave me out of it. And Thor. We can’t risk it.”

           “How do you defeat a titan?” Sam asked and I considered, touching the scepter’s orb to watch it glow.

           “Thanos courts death like a mighty hero; we give him exactly what he desires.” Loki replied and I sighed outward.

           “We rip out his heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's crazy how long they've been really fighting Thanos and playing into each other's hands since The Avengers. He's tortured them, inspired other villains, killed a symbol and their close friend, and scorched the earth. He's proof you can do everything right as a hero and lose. When I wrote this, I didn't want to make it about subtle nods to the stones, it was about the effect this great evil has and the willingness of a united, diverse people to stand against it. No matter what happens, his touch on the realms will be lasting for a long while with major consequences. However, Thanos is a self indulgent as hell and quite proud of himself for what he's done thus far. Dangerous, no? Anyways, the long awaited conclusion coming next!!! Thanks so much everyone!!!


	42. Death of the Firstborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of Phase Five: Metamorphosis!! Our heroes have one last chance to face down Thanos together. Their final battle culminates from years of hardship and hope to change these nine realms as we know them. The Lady strives to do exactly what she set out to do when it all mounts: save everyone. More threats are on the rise beyond the titan when fate comes for them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for bloody battle and death. I appreciate all of you guys here reading, reach out if you like. :) I reposted the chapter because ao3 is buggy right now?

           “It starts with ash.” I watched it fall, wind blowing my clothing aside. The cover of night was comforting somehow. “Signal the others.” Johnny Storm turned to flame and soared off.

           “The moment we leave the field, only you and Jarvis control it.” Reed explained, plugging cords together. “Honey, you ready?”

           “Do it.” She nodded and light plunged up into the sky.

           “And I thought I’d miss the party.” A voice spoke behind us.

           “Nick Fury. You’re a bit late but we’re flexible.” I smiled. “Nice to see you again in person.” I patted his shoulder and saw Clint behind him. "You're missed around the Tower, you know." I'd passed them to go to Thor and Loki. “You have this plan of yours squared away?”

           “Work in progress, sweetheart.”

           “Will you be alright in here?” Thor touched my face and I took his hand.

           “Yes, I’ll have Naaki.” I kissed his cheek and then Loki’s lips. “And my boys will come home to me when this is over.” I brought them both down for a tight hug. “I love you both. So much. Take care of each other. All right?”

           “You know we will,” Loki kissed my hair and Nick Fury hurried down the platform.

           “Crossbones escaped holding.” He called, Sam and Bucky both hurried over across the way. Janet joined us with awe across her features. “They were evacuating and he got out. Ran as fast as he could.”

           “Do you have any location on him? He’ll come here.” Sam put out his hand to take the phone.

           “That’s just it, I do and he didn’t.” Nick explained. “Sharon and Clint just reported that Baron Von Strucker killed himself on live television. Every Hydra building leveled at once. They’re dead. Partially by Rumlow’s hand for any in the states. He turned on them.”

           “That means Thanos has Rumlow. That means Thanos just moved on from one pawn to another.” I paused. “It also means that Thanos is furious but sending a message. He killed Hydra. That was a gift to us. He wants a gift in return. This is all a game to him... What if I can't do this?”

           “No, you can. You can. We're together and we need to get out there. Get that field going up. Take care of yourself in here... We'll come back. Alright?” Bucky touched my back so I hugged him as tight as I could, kissing his jaw before he went with everyone. He made me a promise I knew he'd never break. "We'll come back for you."

           "Thank you."

           “It’ll take time to go up but it’s charging now.” Sue came down the steps.

           “You all need to leave me in the tower. Thanos is near and there are people hiding out in the city. Jean will help find them.” I nodded and everyone shifted to go. Loki took my hand.

           “I’ll come to you directly after this. Turn all the lights off. Get in that lab and put up communications.” Loki touched my face and kissed me for a lingering moment. I pressed my forehead to his.

           “Go, now. I love you. I’ll be right here when you get back.” I promised him. I was so certain too.

           “I love you. I’ll find you.” He hesitated but let my hand go, the loss of him burned white hot. Natasha touched my face and nodded with some encouragement.

           “Take care of the team out there, Tasha.” I watched her smile and nod before Jane hugged me tightly, Mjolnir in hand.

           “Keep contact with us. All right? I’ll see you.”

           “Of course.” I watched her join Thor who looked at me with so much regret and sorrow. We stared at each other and he tried to smile. He tried. So, I tried as well and waved before Thor turned to go. I wish I’d said something more meaningful to him.

           “Jarvis will also keep watch. Let us know when the field is fully up. Got it, Psych?” Tony appeared and I nodded. “Watch yourself, yeah?”

           “I will, Tony. Come back safe. All of you. Goodbye, my friends.” I offered at last to friends who shaped me into a better person. To loved ones I would do anything to protect. The force field was steadily going down so I grabbed Naaki and descended into the lab. “Jarvis, you with me?” The screens showing cameras around the city were all I had lighting the room.

           “Yes, I am right here, Miss Psyche. Mr. Stark had me contained to this unit and his suits. Nowhere else.”

           “Just us and Naaki.” I relaxed. “Shield is down, I’m covered.”

           “Lucky.” Jean replied. “We have company.”

           “I see them. Right upper quadrant. Moving in fast.” I warned, getting up to shift cameras around. “He’s onto me.” I watched Thanos look into a camera, pointing before it cut out. "I'll try not to expand."

           “Rhodes and I are engaging. Hank. Janet. Keep eyes on the Hulk and wait for the signal.” Sam replied. “We have military backup but we need to bide time and keep it contained.”

           “Just like old times except with more of us. I prefer that.” Tony replied and I opened my mouth but every camera went off.

           “Tony? Janet? Sam?” I stood up in the dark. “Loki, I lost you guys. Jarvis… Anyone?” I heard Naaki shuffling and strained to look around before I expanded only a little and illuminated my hand. The force field around the building shook when it was blasted but stayed intact. What I came upon was a dirty soul before a body lunged at me. I grabbed Naaki up and jumped out of the way. Crossbones smashed his fist into the computer and turned.

           “Oh, were you using that?”

           “Thanos. Always three steps ahead.” I scoffed. “You’re just in my place until he gets me and he’ll have me do away with you. The same way you did away with Hydra after the mass suicides. Thanos cares not for you. You'll die in great pain, you know.” I lifted my hand to control him but the suit on his body was blocking me out. “Oh, no.”

           “Oh, yes.” We both lunged and I kicked him in the chest this time, jumping over him to go out. Rumlow was stronger than I’d ever seen him. Flying up the staircase, he was jumping over rails in pursuit while I lured him up the building. Naaki squirmed when I tore into a bedroom, racing toward the window before she jumped out of my arms as Rumlow dove on me. Knees tried to pin me in place and blades charged out of his gauntlet but I’d planted my feet into his neck and jerked him backwards. If he spilled my blood, the entire mission was compromised. Heaving myself backwards, I got up at the same time he dove to rip into me before a body jumped over my head. Naaki clawed into his face, scratching one eye half out with might I couldn’t believe. Rumlow cried out, covering his socket before his fist plunged forward blindly. Blades stabbed into her skin.

           “Naaki!” I caught her when he tossed her aside to dislodge her. Magic billowed off me before he was thrown through a wall and caught up in another blast, tumbling out the window. Unable to feel a soul, I craned my neck to see one of Tony’s old suits stepping into a hole. “Jarvis…?”

           “Safety protocol, Miss. Are you well?” The suit went outside and I came to my knees with Naaki bleeding and puffing. Her little limbs were stiffening up with tremors.

           “No… No, come on,” I tried to heal her. “Come on, my sweet.” I took her pain and wept, cradling Naaki to my chest. “That’s it. You’re safe…I’m here, no one will hurt you again. My brave little beast. Someone will take good care of you on the other side. Just as you took care of me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Naaki was gone and I mourned her, wrapping her up in a sheet and blanket on the bed. I remembered the Name Day she was given to me. We were so happy. Wiping my eyes, I looked out to see Rumlow scaling the side of the building and cocked my head. “You killed my cat. You killed my friend.”

           “Little rat! My eye!” Rumlow was jerked up when I soared down to grasp him, tossing him into the tower. I grabbed for him again and we struggled, spiraling before I came up the side of the force field and pressed his face into it. He howled when I stripped the skin off in a long swipe across the glowing wall. I tossed him again and he jumped at me, we rolled across the helipad. Crossbones got up and rushed toward the source of the force field. Electricity charged up his fists and they came down at the same time I grabbed him. An explosion threw us both into the air and the shield fractured up and down.

           “Jarvis!” I called. “We have a problem!” I could see the chaos more clearly. Flashes of color followed by destruction.

           “Working on it, miss,” the suit was typing and Crossbones went for me again.

           “Nothing to keep him from you now.” He taunted so I expanded when I heard a familiar hum in the distance. In an instant, I was laughing.

           “I can name a few things actually.” I covered my head and dropped down when a glider charged, blades out, into Crossbones. He wailed aloud when he was pinned to the steel, blood sprayed down his front. Harry landed next to me on his knees, breathing heavier with a wheeze. “You found me…how?”

           “Something very illegal involving hacking and wiretapping.”

           “Good boy.” I got up and took his hand. “What have you been up to?”

           “Unsavory things.” His lips drew into a wide smile and behind him, Otto Octavius was scaling a building. “Rallied a few villains interested in living if it means saving the world.”

           “You did very well. I’m proud of you… You’re very sick.”

           “One thing at a time.”

           “New glider and a suit you’re not trapped in?”

           “I toned down the theatrics.” He nodded and I watched Crossbones struggle to unhinge himself. Careful, I ripped devices from him while explosions framed the air behind me. Jarvis tried to get the shield back up in broken pieces. Harry just observed.

           “What to do with you?” I paused. “I could suck out your life. But to take the evil that killed one of my greatest friends…not even I will go that far. Harry, retrieve your glider. It’s so new and shiny, I’d hate for it to tarnish.” Harry pressed a button and the glider ripped back. Rumlow fell to his knees, bleeding out and I touched his head until his eyes glowed gold then orange when I was deep inside. “Lately, I’ve been a woman of simple tastes. You killed my favorite cat and close friend. You’re bleeding out but rather resilient. You might survive the fall. But, oh, dear. What’s the phrase about justice, Harry?”

           “Justice is blind?” Harry was elated. Elated I was allowing him into my world of gods and monsters.

           “Yes, justice is blind. Indeed. Thank you, Harry.” I picked up a shard of glass and handed it to Rumlow. “Give me your other eye and start walking. Contemplate the innocent you murdered. Don’t stop until you’re dead.” He carved his eye out in utter agony before pacing forward off the side of the building. I leaned over to watch him, lips lifting before his eyeball squished in my hand. “Pretty messed up what happened to him.” Eyes turned to Harry in time to see him smile in a way that was destructive and wild. Utterly intrigued.

           Wholeheartedly, I returned it.

** ** **

           Bucky Barnes lifted his rifle and barked a command.

           “Rumlow, freeze!” His body shook while he watched the soldier turn, blank and bloody holes for eyes.

           “Killing me won’t bring back your Steve.” Rumlow’s lips cracked and bled when he smiled and Bucky clenched with tears.

           “I know that.”

           A shot rang out and Rumlow fell to his side. Natasha came from the shadows, pointing her gun to the floor. She felt no joy but sighed out, looking to Bucky. He silently thanked her for taking the weight away from him. Natasha touched a cut on her head and shook ash from her shoulder, speaking.

           “But, it’s a start.”

** ** **

           The Other fell from his vehicle when an explosion shook through it, casting him into a window. He felt the girl expand, touch his mind. Blinking, he saw her around a corner and got up. Knowing she would kill him. He ran. Saw her again. She was everywhere.

           “Master, help me.” He’d tried but Thanos had already forgotten his followers, pursuing his prize when she lured him in.

            _What’s the matter? Has your god left you?_  She’d taunted in his brain and he was frantic, seeing her all over. Laughing at him. The Other made a mad dash to get away before an axe swung out of nowhere, squelching into his stomach. Thor was unmoved when the body came apart. The Other felt around for his legs, chest lifting sporadic and shuddered.

           “You’ll lose.” He puffed and Thor’s axe dripped red onto the floor. “It’s already begun…he will…take her.”

           “Not if she takes him first.” Thor lifted his blade. “Pity you won’t find out. I owe this to my friend either way.”

           It came down.

** ** **

           “Miss, I am unsure if I can get the shield going again.” Jarvis warned.

           “It’s fine.” I sighed and Peter landed above me.

           “You okay?”

           “All right but, we’re having difficulties.” I nodded and he looked past me.

           “Harry.” Peter swallowed, pulling his mask off. His head was bleeding and he was covered in ash. But he was alive.

           “Pete.” Harry paused. “Where is M.J.?”

           “Safe.” Peter replied and I hurried to help Jarvis while the tower rocked together. “Everything that happened between us, Harry. This is bigger. I need you.”

           “Took me a long time to realize I had a choice…and I’m sorry. For all of it. I'm sorry we lost Gwen and didn't mourn her together. I'm sorry I blamed you. You know this isn’t over for me though.” Harry turned from the battle to come toward his friend.

           “Look out!” A vessel drifted toward us, blasting forth a powerful beam of green light. Spider-Man’s sense caused him to jolt forward in front of Harry but the pain never came. I’d gotten back down the platform, gasping at the sight of Otto braced in front of Peter. Blades shot out of one of his claws into the engine before I used a burst of magic to finish the attackers off. “Dr. Octavius.” Peter grabbed him before he could fall forward and brought him down. The wound was gaping and horrid with exposed burnt muscle and bone. “No…”

           “It’s okay…” He tried to breathe.

           “No, you saved us. Thank you… You’re a hero. You’re my hero.” Peter offered, nodding to affirm himself and Otto tried to smile when Harry touched his shoulder.

           “You all were right,” he scoffed lightly with a cracked, silent laugh. My hand slipped into his before I tried to beam. “I will not die a monster.” I took his pain until the light left his eyes and Peter dropped his head, closing his own.

           “I’ll take care of his body. He gave his life so that you both could go on. You won’t take that for granted. You two should not be near me. It’s too dangerous. Go now.” I nodded. “Trust me.” Peter wiped his face, sniffling before he pulled his mask back on and squeezed my shoulder, standing up. "And Peter...." I watched him turn so I nodded, eyes welling up with hot tears that didn't fall. "I'm glad I came back into this world again. I'm glad."

           “I am too. I'll come back here when this ends... Harry. Come with me.” He offered his hand and Harry took it.

           “Just this once.” He got back onto his glider. “See you around, Lady.”

           “Be good. As good as you can.” I was solemn. They both charged off and I wrapped up Otto’s body as well. The metal arms dragged when I got him inside.

           “Jarvis,” I rose to his right. “Go and help the others. I have a plan.”

           “Miss, I was given strict orders.”

           “And I’m changing them. Go, protect them. Now. Trust me.” I nodded and Jarvis sighed, flying up and away. I watched the dark horizon one last time and went inside, grasping my staff in hand. Lifting it up, I smacked it down with a magical force billowing out as I expanded in full. “Come and get me.” I spoke aloud. The sun would rise so soon. And I with it. “Thanos, I know you can hear me. Your pawns will die. Come and settle this with me while we are on equal footing. Face to face. Come to me and spare their lives.” I let the scepter go and it stood there alone. A clock struck and the tower tremored at the same time my heart did.

             Sunrise.

             It was six in the morning and the sky was falling. The clock’s ringing rattled the glass. I recalled my first battle on Earth. It was child’s play. It was nothing. The forces that tore my friends apart cut into my soul. We were scattered, trying to come together. X-Men. Avengers. Fantastic Four. Villains. Friends and foes. Heroes and the fallen. Together again for the final stand against Thanos after the long years of battle. Any quarrel before today felt meaningless. We could be too late already. I failed my friends. All of them. We failed each other. We should have come together sooner, one last time to appreciate these short hours we might have before…  _Goodbye. Forgive me._  If this failed, I hoped they would understand. I prayed Loki wasn’t the one to discover me if there was a body left to find. The fires that came for us all had burned too hot. We were fools. All of us.

             I tried so hard to have faith.

             "I want..." I began at last. "I want to live. I want to save them." I was so sure I had to choose.

             It was six in the morning and he would be waiting for me.

             My heart trembled.

             My fingers clenched into fists.

             It was a mere matter of insignificant time.

             A heartbeat.

             It was six in the morning and I would offer a sacrifice.

             “I’m ready,” I offered to the ash on the wind. “Come for me.”

            Readying myself, I turned away from the sky masked in smoke and screams down below. The fighting was silent upon my ears when my lungs seized. My allies all coming together for something greater.  _I am sorry. I am so sorry._  They needed me. I needed them. But, he would come.  _Take me. Fight me. One last time. Spare them but take me. You and I must face each other. We must fight. I had to end this all. The power of my soul could bring him down because he designed it to._

           The name poisoned my tongue.  _Thanos_.

           It was six in the morning and I was so very wrong.

           For when I turned, ready to face Thanos’ wrath. His smile. Our dance. The hand offered. My demise. I was met with another. Calm. Collected.  _Perfection_. Another cloud of smoke soared toward the sky from a rattling explosion that shook the glass walls behind me. Blood trickled down from a cut on my hairline and stilled. The shadowy figure stepped into the light toward me while the sky painted itself in violence. Here the world was quiet. He removed his hood and displayed eyes like beautiful rubies. The air shifted over and stilled completely while he looked upon my face with sheer intensity in his gaze and opened his mouth to speak.

           “Why do you hide yourself, child?” His tone vibrated against my entire body and my lips trembled.  _That voice…_ Dreams trickled in.

           “I am not hiding. Where did you come from?” I managed, awed and frozen. We stared at each other before he uttered a softer comment. More of a necessary command.

           “Breathe.”

           I did. Eyes wide and unblinking into his. Chest heaving to suck in a sudden gust of air.

           “You’re not his. You’re not with Thanos. His Black Order.” My chin tilted up and he stepped around me, eyes observing my face with such care. “Are you?"

           “You are not mortal. You found me from the first. Remember? When the Earth shook at my awakening after the long years, it was you who reached out after. Hands clasped. Only you. And I reached back. You opened the doors.” He had countered instead with a tone that struck every cord in my body. “So, I went and I learned after they roused me. Everything. These scrambling souls. Your titan adversary. Nine realms. Opened up. Psyche. That is what they called you along the airwaves. One goddess takes the name of another.”

           “It was given to me. You’ve researched this world. Are you here to save us? Or do you follow Thanos?”  _They need you_. My mind kept screaming but I could not move. He was not of any world I knew. “You’re part of the Earth…are you not? Somehow.” I shredded my brain apart trying to figure him out. Grey skin with blue tracings along his cheeks to his lips. Constructed armor around his form that was imposing and nothing I’d ever seen. But, that soul glowed and I understood. “No…you cannot be a titan. You are like the X-Men? Your face… You’re…a mutant. I see it. I know you and you know me.” Those eyes. Red jewels upon stark white sclera. I remembered a better day. The museum with Bruce. "The withered idol." 

           “A mutant, indeed. But, I belong to none.” He offered.

           “You’re the man of my dreams.” I tried not to gasp. “They warned me about you. Am I the woman of yours?”

           “I am the first.”

           “Will you help me save the world?” I asked, quieter. Grey took my hands and I broke my stare to peer down at her. She put one finger to her lips, ghosting a smile as she lifted my hand to him so I looked from her to this being. And then, she was gone. For a moment, I thought the mutant saw her too. But, he let nothing on. My hand stilled, dropping.

           “I will not save their falling world. We will build our own. Such is the way. The wheel spins and I do not stop it. You came here to give your life over…a waste. I was almost too late. Too late to save your soul. I bring you offers of an alternative. I can see you still believe in alternatives. You kept the faith in me. Proved it time and time again. And I delivered you. I granted your prayers. I heard them all. Every sweet syllable.” This mutant looked at me like he’d seen me a thousand ways in different lifetimes. His eyes drew to the scepter, hand lifting while fingers outstretched. “Take the staff in your hands.”

           “ _Away from him_ ,” Nerien touched my shoulders behind me, lips against my ear. “ _Come away_.”

           “ _Look away,_ ” Frigga had so carefully warned.

            It was six in the morning and I didn’t move.

            I wanted to see what he would do.

            Perhaps.

            I wanted what I was promised. It was the only way.

           “Shall we begin?” Something prodded deep along the fissures of my mind before my back arched, eyes widening at him.  _No_. It was impossible. Nerien would have clawed my skin open if he were real when he was yanked away from me.

           “Get…Get out…of my head.” I closed my eyes and leaned forward. I could feel him pull and dig before I summoned my will and swiped my hands against the air. Red light swung out before I locked my mind tighter. But, it was too late. He flooded my being like an infection. In an instant, he knew all about me and I felt him press my buttons without remorse. “How…? No one has ever been able to get through. Try as some might. Are you here to bring my head to Thanos then? Get on with it.”

           “This titan. A false idol. I would never tarnish such a specific…perfect form. Do you hide before these fabricated gods and goddesses as a means to prove yourself? Do you wake in the night praying to appease them? All the while, no one prays to or for you. Not really. They value you for what you can do for them. Not for who you are. You tell yourself they do. Not until it is too late. You are their last resort and they resent you for it. You resent them. Does it grieve?” He was looking into me. Not through me. For a moment, I thought my scars would burst open all at once. My hands formed into claws, stepping around him while he shifted to circle me; deciding which bones to pick flesh from. “Speak up, child.”

           “If you really did your research, you’d know that I am eons older than you.” I sneered at him, teeth clenching together.

           “You were once. But, you died. And you were reborn. Twice now. Killed once by the first person who should have cherished you and then again by the most selfish being to ever touch your mind. But, he left you a gift in your very genes and sent you out into a world that has lost you. You don’t realize what has been put inside you. I can show you. And now you have been found by your elder.” Sunlight bathed us both.

           “I’m not-”

           “You are. By the standards of your world and mine. You stated that I have learned the history and ways of this world that I have missed. I assume you know this…in my homeland, tell me… Do you know what the final plague of Egypt was before the Exodus?”

           “I’m not going to play with you.” I took one step back and he didn’t move to stop me.

           “Play?” His exhale shifted, brow lifting subtly. “We do not play. This is revelation. Now, the ninth was three days of pure darkness. What was the tenth?”

           “Death of the firstborns.” I blurted out to appease him.

           “ _There will be loud wailing throughout Egypt—worse than there has ever been or ever will be again_.” He recited evenly, humming without emotion. “But, I have outgrown my gods and you have flocked asunder from yours. Misplaced.”

           “Who the  _hell_  are you?” I forced out but he shook his head at me, voice growing with power that would thrive.

           “You came here to die for allies that have  _failed_  you. Against this titan. The prophets who led you to this are artificial. So, you wait and conceal the potential I can see. You must not hide from me. You long for the taste of freedom I can grant. Stars fall and bring tears to those sparkling eyes. Why mourn them?  _Why?!_  While they have done nothing but  _gawk_  at you?  _You have outgrown the stars!_ ” He proclaimed, so fierce and certain. A fire prickled inside my marrow. Visions of grandeur danced before my eyes as if to cleanse me. So many harrowing tones spoke over his voice. It was all so familiar to me. “You cower behind false leaders. Beings that know you are more and still treat you as less. There is no greater disrespect. They are frightened but you do not have to be. Not anymore. There is no boundary to the wonders you can do. Once you let that into your heart…you will unlock the chains keeping your soul in a place of such agony. Is that not what you desire? More than anything…” I shook my head like a petulant little girl while he cracked me open and then he gave an exhale that was almost one of pity. “You prayed for me to make you stronger and I am here to answer. But, prayers are not made realities by the god alone. Take the staff in your hands.”

           “ _Stop it_.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I need it. I need them.”

           “You believe that only because it is all you know.” He cocked his head just so at me, calculated and perhaps warm. “But, you have already showed me all else.”

           “You went into my head.” I hissed, face twitching.

           “You screamed and I heard you.” He countered in an instant. “Did it nourish you?”

           “ _Did it nourish you?!_ ” I shot back, louder and he was unmoved. “What do you want from me?” Why wasn’t I running? Why haven’t I attacked him? Why did he feel so utterly euphoric? 

            _Why had my prayers been answered?_

           “I imagine you are upset. Those wasted years. Those allies who have neglected you thrice over. You withhold from all you can and will be, Asgardian. So lost. I am here now.”

           “Who are you?!” My voice grew, magic swirled around my arms and he didn’t try once to lift a finger in defense. Something told me he didn’t need to.

           “ _Elohim, Pushan, Ra_ ,” he began, “I have been called many names over many lifetimes. I am born of death. I was there to spark and fan the flame of man’s awakening, to spin the wheel of civilization. And when the forest would grow rank and needed clearing for new growth, I was there to set it ablaze. But, you…you have the ability to be all that they need. To feel all they feel. To seep into the soul of a being and ache as they do. To tear them apart or stitch them back together. You can lead them. You ferry souls. Would you like to know how far you can deliver them? How far you can deliver yourself? Did you honestly believe it could end here?”

           “There are innocent people out there and they need me-”

           “ _Innocence_.” He scoffed. “How can you presume to even speak of that? You have  _never_  known it. And neither has any soul you’ve touched. Not in truth. Why? Because there is none.”

            _“You cannot…”_ I trailed off, shaken to core by this being. We stared at each other before the tower trembled and the doors behind him crashed open by an explosion, I dove forward and used magic to reflect an onslaught of fire. The mutant behind me didn’t move an inch to help initially when I peered back at him out of habit to ensure he was still there. To ensure he was real.

           “Down to your knees, girl!” A handful of Black Order members blasted their way in, weapons pointed before the one closest to me lunged as if he could tackle me down. Thanos’ drones. Magic pushed the others backwards with force before I flipped the massive man over my body, crashing him into the ground until his helmet toppled off. Yanking him into an arm lock, I backed up with him as a shield which caused his team to falter at me. I realized then what the mutant desired. He wanted me to ask for it. The beasts hesitated at the sight of him as well while I held their struggling comrade, choking him. Plasma rifles readied to rip into me before I jerked my head back to this mutant who wanted to play with me. Despite denying it.

            “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I heaved for air.  _What have I done?_  He stared without blinking or even looking away before every beast was dropped downward into the floor as if it were quicksand sucking them in. Arms and legs that were still trapped above the tile twitched in place while the life was slowly taken from them in agonizing strokes. The sight was truly horrifying and utterly fascinating; I then allowed my eyes to turn black at him. The being trapped within my arms gasped out in complete shock before he screamed when pain surged up his body. It was cut short when I snapped his neck. I didn’t want this ethereal mutant gazing upon me like I was the most important thing in his life anymore. The drone dropped to my feet and I allowed my eyes to shift back to brown but, I backed away from the mutant when his mind touched mine again.

           “You are not displeased. Neither am I.”

           “Stay away from me…my head, I mean…” I took a further step away, studying him. “How did you…? Why can’t I…? No, I love those people out there. We have endured so much.”

           “Do you want to endure your life, even now? Do you not ache to save them? Do you want to show them the true path? Save them? Change won't come until you force it. Until you begin to act as the god you were born to be. Should your followers stick with you...they will be rewarded. I can sense those traces of something as old as I am inside your heart. Your head as well. You must admit that you are not so much an Asgardian anymore. Those genes have been twisted apart and together.  _Mutated_. Evolved.” He stood tall and looked at me before uttering, somehow both sincere and monotone. Robotic. Vibrating. “You are so beautiful. Such perfection dwells within. You are the first and last and only of your kind…and you do not even realize this truth.”

           For a moment, I thought he’d weep for me.

           “I know what I can do. You saw just now.” I gritted my teeth, snarling at him while my defenses came back up. _You are lying_ , he said in my brain.

           “That was a mere caress of the surface, you have yet to dive in. And you live in fear of it. I would end the monsters who taught you such ugly restraint. These beings are not on your side. You long to unfurl before the world. I can give it to you. You know because you prayed every single night for it. You prayed for me... I prayed for you too.”

           “ _What?”_  I breathed, feeling him seep along the cracks in my brain again, my hands shook but didn’t lower as my face grew soft. I was drowning in him. Willingly.

           What terrified me most is that I believed him.

           This pull. Was it how others felt around me?

           “I can give you  _everything_.” He did not reach for me. He had no need. My eyes about rolled back when I let out a sigh. He was here with me. Plunged deep inside. “What has been built must fall so that the worthy may inherit this world. The next cycle will commence, untouched by these beings who would lock you and your many brothers and sisters away. These souls you long to ferry. You have been at the mercy of the weak, caging you so that you may not grow above them. Burn them. Burn them and let yourself rise without bonds. Can you see it now? Can you see me?”

           “ _Apocalypse_.” My lips parted while my soul beckoned out to be caressed again this time.

           He obliged.

           “I can bring you to your full potential. You ache so to reach such heights.” He was deep inside my head, running down and out every single nerve. I couldn’t breathe again. Lost in this aura. “Return the name given to you and instead become the point at which these cowering gods turn. Yes, these souls will require you now more than ever. You must ferry them into our new world by your terms. They will follow. But, first, you must cease enslaving your own being. You must force the world to turn over on itself.”

           “It hurts.” My voice broke, hands skimming up my stomach to curl into my clothing.

           “I can unbind your hopes. Your fears. Your strengths. Your very desires.” My eyes turned black while his drained of color. I felt my heart tug and then unravel all at once while he worked out every single knot along my body. “Let go. Let them all go. That pain you harbor so deeply. Give me every shard and together we shall do wonders. I will bring you to your full potential now. Here.” His next words were what broke me. “I will waste not one piece of you.” I shuddered at his promises. My hands lowered when something thick flooded down every notch in my spine. “Come. Come of your own accord and discover what the world has pushed aside. Come and embrace me. Leave your bonds behind. You require them no longer. This titan is not the end. You looked so far beyond him when you saw me in your visions.” _The world shall burn. And from the ashes…we’ll build a better one._ “Be not afraid.” My name trailed from his lips. I never thought it could sound so divine. So utterly wicked “Dry your eyes and come here to me. I will make you strong. Strong enough to save everyone. Just as you asked from the first.”

            _Conquest_.

           Infected and ravaged, I was in a daze while I stepped toward him, lips parting to whine outward.

            _War_.

           My body was a raging storm. A swirling pit opening up to devour all in its path. I could have uprooted Yggdrasil right there.

            _Death_.

           They needed me out there. I tried one last time. But, the eyes of Apocalypse shattered every single tie along my heart.  _Freedom_.  _Come embrace me and find freedom._

_Famine._

           While I neared him, my body and mind grew starved of everything it should have been all these years. I wanted him to pluck the petals from me and watch them flutter away in the wind. The power I felt was not close to anything I’ve witnessed before. Bigger than Midgard. Soaring further from Asgard. Flying high above Yggdrasil and the Norns. They screamed. They bowed. My guardians wept at the loss. Something feral, unhinged, and perfectly sane cracked open within my beating heart. I knew nothing outside of Apocalypse’s aura wrapping around me. It was then I realized I was undressing myself. There was no innocence in this power. I was intoxicated beyond belief and locked into him all at once. So, I plunged head first into chaos and did not look back. It was over. What I was would never be important. Not here. I was  _becoming_. I was burning and blooming all together.

           Frigga told me to look away.

           No. Never again.

           “Want…you to see me.” I begged, yellow light flooded my black eyes to play. I was near tears as if the loss of him would truly break my heart. A flood drowned out every name and bond I once held. Sunlights unfurled.

           “I do see you.” His eyes stayed on my face, layers of clothing fell to my feet all the while the battle outside never touched me again. I felt alive. Awakened. Apocalypse didn’t move toward me, but I could feel him in the air around my body still. He wanted me like this. Opened up. Naked. Perfect and flawed and bared for him to see. His hand caressed my mind. Fingers danced between my legs. Squeezed my throat. Delved into my thick locks of hair. All at once. He touched me everywhere and not once did his eyes leave mine while we stood as equals.  _I have outgrown the stars_ , I thought to myself. Nothing could have taken those words from me. “I see you.” He repeated and I moaned, head tipping back to run my hands along my skull and down my hair. I felt him all over me. Inside and out. I wanted him everywhere and the sudden belief of that was wholehearted and true. Apocalypse unfurled a desire I’d never touched with such force that I reached a peak and screamed with release. Windows shattered. It was then he took me in with open arms. Sheltering me from the storm to pull me into another. My body sagged and fingers came to cling to the back of his armor. Nothing would be left of me after this.  _Good_. I would save the realms. His hands shifted behind my back to cradle my head so that I would look at him again. Skin smooth and taut.

           “No…” I gasped when my veins shifted with dark grey shades under my flesh. “I don’t want to harm you.” I believed all of this. I believed in him and myself and what we would create here. There was no doubt and no more to conceal.

           Finally, I was completely unafraid of being seen. 

           “You shall not.” His milky eyes still gazed at my face. I felt his body seize up completely when I couldn’t stop myself from surging forward to kiss him. For a moment, I thought he was amused. Enthralled in turn. As intoxicated off my power as I was on his own. My lips parted and tasted the very cosmos along his mouth while he didn’t react to the pain I was casting. Stars burst and screamed and died and no one mourned them. Not even me. Something sparked and he took my chin to focus me once more, I was enraptured off him alone so I allowed every bit of this. He pressed his arm against the small of my back and looked at me as if we were first time lovers about to partake in intercourse. The power. It felt so good. Breathing heavily, I nodded to consent. “You’ve been in a cage for far too long. Open for me and I will give you all.” Lights swirled around our bodies up from my toes. New fabric stitched around my skin, adored in metal pieces that reflected him and my new form.

           “ _Allow me free_ ,” I begged so softly, expanding my mind, and he would oblige. Fear never touched my heart.  _“Give it to me.”_  Sparks echoed through my veins and bones, crackling and I did not scream this time. My power coiled and threatened to take this entire tower down.  _Can you see?_  He asked in my head. Violet light circled around and held us in the air while the very top of the tower broke off to charge toward the sky in particles of dust and rubble. It was nothing. This all was nothing. The pieces rained down and did not touch us before he released me. Crying out, the pain grew so great that I fell to my hands and knees, the city below was painted in destruction and finally it came back to me. Everything rushed into my body and I felt the wonders of my new self rise up from the still warm ashes. This time, he offered me his hand while my hair, thick with violent bloody curls, flowed longer down my back. I was reborn. Rejuvenated. Ready. Slow and willing, I accepted his hand to seal this fate. The touch didn’t hurt him still but he trusted me then with every piece of his potential in return.

           Apocalypse had created me in his image.

           All of Thanos' years of work. Nothing. Turned against him.

           The four horsemen he needed raged along my heart.

           “Stand with me.” His voice flooded me again while I looked at the magic beaming down my arms to my fingertips in wonder.

           “My friends…” I uttered.

           “They no longer tie you down. They are no longer behind you. Only me. Only us. Only what we create together.”

           It was six in the morning and I was renewed.

           “They will come to me, in time.” I tried not to lament before I turned my gaze to the sky. “ _Him_.” Apocalypse followed my gaze. Thanos sat on his floating throne, watching the chaos he had begun. Waiting for me to come to him so that he could claim his prize.  _Oh yes_. I would. “He will be the first to fall.” The years that led up to this moment were finally small. I left my perfect bubble, soaring with unseen forces that were stronger than ever before. Thanos stood at the sight of me and lifted his hand before violently falling to his knees upon the platform.

           “ _Transverberation_.” I’d offered, so sweet and deadly. I stared, filling his head without even touching him. “You are not worthy to speak to me. The last Daughter of Thanos. You’re not worthy to share with me your last words. Those you touched. Ravaged. Tormented. Violated. Killed. They will hear your final cries across this great tree and rejoice. They will put you in the back of their memories. Daughters. Followers. So be silent. Forever. I’ve won... I've won!” In my influence, I gave all the pain I could muster, realizing there would never be a close. I was chaos unending. His little wonder, budding with untold horrors that have yet to touch this world. I was here. Totally and completely. I did not lift my hands. I just hovered there and watched him scream. Thanos looked into my eyes and I heard the last utter of his voice from the day we met.  _Finally. You think you will walk away untried? We were perfect._

           The sight vanquished a fraction of my hunger. It nourished me. So, I gave him what he wanted most of all.  _Yes. We were._

           And so the world could rest once more. For now.

           “I am not your slave. You have no one else.” I breathed, softer now. “You will take no one. Touch no one. And die no one. And when those ashes clear, I’ll wipe every star from your horizon. Messiah. Murderess.” My chin cocked up, hands squeezing before his bright eyes exploded with blood. His scream raged and splattered more down himself and then there was nothing.  _Nothing._  Thanos slumped back against his throne before the platform plummeted toward the earth and I turned without even trying to catch it. He landed on a metal spike of a beam that ripped the heart from his chest. I didn’t need to devour it.  _“En Sabah Nur._ ” I stared at his face below to watch his eyes change a little at my utter of his true name. When I flocked down to him, we shared a quiet moment amongst the rage underneath us. “Will you take me?”

           “You cannot take what has already been given of free will.” He stared at me. The saying was familiar. “We have much to prepare.” A harrowing cry took us both from our moment. So far down below, I gazed upon the glittering green eyes I once coveted and the lips I used to kiss. Loki reached out toward me, standing high on top of a building but I tilted my head. We have failed each other one last time. I surveyed my friends clawing to reach me. Outstretched hands to the god they knew. And loved. 

            _It’s too late._  I hissed and my words touched his brain while my influence spread.  _Can you see me now, sweetheart?_

           I resented him. I resented them all. The one sliver of regret touched me before I cast it aside as well.  _No, I will save you all. Even if it means I have to save you from yourselves._  No more squander and clawing. Thanos had drawn more evil into this world. And more would come. But, I would live to purge it.

           Apocalypse buried every bond I once formed, deep away. My heart quivered but nothing more came to the front. Only him. Only us.

           Save me, sweetheart.

           Kill me, sweetheart.

           I am too far gone.

           My eyes never did change back.

           “You cannot keep me any longer,” my voice was a sigh along the smoke but I knew somehow that Loki heard it. His eyes grew wide. Fear and longing clouded his body and I felt every piece of it from where I floated. “Stand aside, join, or perish. War has arrived and it will not stop until the great tree is dead. There will be no more chances. Let them know for me.”

           Goodbye.

           Help me.

           Twisted every single way, I instead turned toward my fate with nothing else to give. Fingers curling, I took the staff in my hands. I got exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I asked for. And this came with a high price. He freed me and held me and choked what life I had from my lips. In turn, I took in every piece and saw deeply into his eyes where acceptance dwelled. The Norns warned us. I would take the hand offered. It was never Thanos. He was never the end. Thanos was a mere beginning. Forplay. Buildup. When I reached toward En Sabah Nur instead, the glint of Loki’s eyes were lost. Apocalypse revived the fire and ice in my heart and took me away from this hell the second our fingers laced together.

           It was six in the morning and I was long gone.

** ** **

           “Loki,” Thor was the second to land by Thanos’ mangled body.

           “There cannot be anything left. Nothing to study. No weapons. Thanos must disappear from the face of every realm.” Loki kneeled down to pick up wood post that was on fire, dropping it on Thanos. “She killed him. Gods, she killed him.”

           “You all saw that right?” Tony appeared with Janet, Sam, and Jane. Ororo and Jean followed with Sue and Johnny. “She didn’t touch him. The top of the tower…it’s…and…”

           “There was a mutant with her. He was powerful.” Jean breathed, watching Thanos burn.

           “He take her?” Jane looked around.

           “Maybe she went with him.” Janet added in a heavy tone. Loki choked on his tears and blasted magic toward his arch enemy, squeezing his eyes shut before he opened them. _I lost her. At last._  He’d watched the tables turn and did nothing. Not enough at least. Thor gripped his shoulder to hold his brother close so Loki wept and spoke.

           “She is gone.”

** ** **

           We appeared out of the outline of a portal framed in purple light. Dazed, I stumbled and he picked me up.

           “Where are we?” I breathed, eyes lifting while he held me like a bride.

           “I built us this fortress. I've waited so long to come to you.” He carried me over the threshold. We were on a desolate piece of land surrounded by sea. Our place looked like a gathering of pyramids crammed together into an ethereal palace. Metal carved with ancient symbols. “When it is time, we will move to the heart of civilization. Cairo. For the new world.” En Sabah Nur set me on a metal platform and I exhaled. “First, you will sleep. You’re going to go to sleep for a while and I will watch you, guide you, and replenish you to your full potential."

           My eyes lined with tears at his next promises.

           "You will be safe, no one will find you. No one will harm you again. These fears, leave them behind. You will wake and open upon the world, totally free.” He touched my head and crossed my arms over my chest, nestling the scepter in them. “One last rebirth.”

           “Transverberation,” I whispered with genuine happiness and ease, eyes tiring under his influence. Crystals began to branch out around the slab until I was entombed. Completely willing, I smiled and closed my eyes to sleep without Thanos for the first time in years.

** ** **

           “Loki,” Peter appeared at the door of a destroyed bedroom.

           “Find your Osborn?”

           “No, I lost him in the battle and he ran. You know, Dr. Octavius saved us.”

           “Otto will be given a good burial. That of a brave warrior and a brilliant scientist. He was both.” Loki turned, Naaki’s wrapped body in his arms.

           “Sorry about…” Peter exhaled. “Sorry about her and your cat.”

           “It was a foolish animal. Brave… I know she died protecting my wife. It was her design. She always would because I created her to. I did something right. She didn’t care that she was too small or that the world was too big, her heart made up for that.” Loki swallowed his tears. “I think she died happy.”

           “X-Men said that there’s no trace of her on Earth. She just vanished.”

           “She’ll come back. In time. She always does.” Loki watched the fires outside end when a heavy rain brought about by Storm came down. “I thought defeating Thanos would be more fulfilling. He cannot torment my brother. My wife. Me. Your team. Him coming to Earth was nothing. It was the buildup. Always the damned buildup. He wanted his heroic death and he got it. In a way, he won. Look where he pushed us. Where he pushed her. This was all his plan and his doing. We’ve actually been warding him off since that scepter was put into my hands. But, the steps we took were always just a precursor to this moment. Mother told her to look away. I wish I tried harder to understand. But, I know my wife. She wouldn’t look away any more than I would have. I want to be angry with her but…I just cannot. She saved our lives at the cost she knew would come. But, I have to know why. I have to know why her powers pulled so and why Thanos picked her. Why that mutant took her after. It cannot just be the mind stone. Her real powers from the elf. Their origins. They are the key.” A distant rumbling above caught them both.

           “What the hell?” Peter looked up and Loki blinked.

           “The bifrost.” Loki set Naaki on the table and hurried up the steps to see a face that truly surprised him.

           “Who is she?” Peter got behind Loki.

           “She is Moira.” Loki scoffed at her billowy gown and she smiled at him.

           “Finally, my prince. You’ve asked the right question. I am truly sorry. I was too late.”

           “Moira?” Thor raced up on the defensive and dropped it before he came to embrace her, smelling Asgard in her hair.

           “Your mother has sent me. We have much to discuss.”

** ** **

           “How’s the wife? And dearest Elise?” Loki cocked his head across from her while she swiped around Tony’s files and dropped a bag on the table.

           “Quite content.”

           “I just have to let another Asgardian dig through my stuff.” Tony set a bottle of water in front of Moira and she eyed it. “Not poisoned.”

           “She is not a full blooded Asgardian.” Loki met her eyes.

           “Who and what are you?”  Natasha craned her neck.

           “I am a banished Valkyrie. His wife and I shared a connection and I was sent to watch over her. That is all I will say.” Moira opened a book onto the table that was falling apart. “You won’t find her until she reveals herself. Such is her way. But, you need to be prepared.”

           “Transverberation, she warned me. She warned us.” Sharon sighed, sitting down.

           “Moira, you said you could answer questions about her powers. The elf that gave them to her bestowed the last of this knowledge but…there is something more about it. We’re sure of it. Her pull on souls and the return of that. The way she was drawn to the stones from the first and the way they wanted her back. She’s able to hold them so readily and the mind stone took to her with ease, despite the dangers. It doesn’t fully make sense.” Thor rubbed his head. He never got to apologize or say goodbye.

           “I wasn’t there for a battle with the elf.” Moira flipped through pages. “What do you remember?”

           “The orb. Their source of power.” Loki recalled. “It was revered and worshiped by that race of elf in their closed society for eons. Longer than my lifetime or Thor’s.”

           “Did it look like this?” Moira turned a page and handed him her book. Avengers craned to see it.

           “…Yes.”

           “I have visions. Before that happened, I couldn’t stop drawing that orb. This closed society…it was impossible to research them. But, the orb. That didn’t originate with them I've learned. It was created to house this source of power they discovered and came to rely on until it was in their blood, passed down from generation to generation.” Moira took the book back. “You want to know why she is so in tune with souls. This great tree. The stones of infinite power.”

           “…Oh gods.” Loki realized. “Because that is what it was. Their source of power. It was an infinity gem from the first. …How did I not see it? Thanos didn’t want her because she had the mind stone alone. He wanted her because she was actually holding two infinity stones and she survived it. That is why she was to be the gauntlet. Untold possibilities. And the mind stone felt the first gem... It overwhelmed her only because there was another. So, when she separated them between her and...the child. That is why she lived on. She didn't know.”

           “They hid it well for generations. No, she didn’t realize it.” Moira turned the page. “Since she took the mind stone, I’ve tried to keep record of them with the help of King Odin and Queen Frigga. The soul stone. That’s what Nerien gave her. We realized it too late as well.”

           “You’re telling us…that she still has two infinity gems? Traces of them or not…” Thor sat back. “It all makes sense now.”

           “My friend’s body and mind are truly resilient. You said she went off with another, more powerful than Thanos. They were drawn to the traces of stones inside her because they can be weaponized. We saw it in Asgard during the war. But, they will stand as equals. Thanos saw that potential as well and kept the truth from her. Taunting. He knew that she would defeat him if she found out.” Moira explained. “There will be peace. But, when she returns. There will be war again…and we can be ready this time.”

           “She’s a good person, she wouldn’t…” Jane trailed off. "She just wanted to save us all. We knew it was a dangerous and we tried to talk her from it."

           “That’s just it. She is a good person. And she’ll think the cost of the power to save everyone is worth it because she loves you all. This mutant she is with. He will tell her that there is no cost and hold her close. But, soon he will collect the debt and she knows it. Don’t you see, Prince Loki? She didn’t give into the anger or hatred. Like so many before her…she gave into faith and hope. And that should terrify you. She will think she's doing the right thing, terrible as it may be. This mutant has a higher plan for her but all is not lost.”

           "We'll bring her home," Bucky was certain.

           “We have to save her. She’s put her life on the line for all of us. One way or another.” Jane piped up. “If what you said is true, she’ll come back in some form. And we’ll be ready.” Scott scoffed across the table.

           “Guess this means the X-Men are going to be around for a while longer.”

           “That’s probably the best news we’ve gotten all day,” Sam offered and Janet crossed her arms.

           “Another period of rebuilding. We'll save our friend. Let’s get started.”

** ** **

           I did not dream. I didn’t know that could be so fulfilling. So beautiful. So profoundly dark. My breathing echoed and I heard the sounds of a damp cave, dripping with beads of water. Crackling ran up and down the area before I gasped, eyes opening and water flooded my crystalline coffin all at once. Clutching my scepter, the great pressure grew as I squirmed and remembered myself. My limbs cracked while I tried to stretch them out, magic blasted watered toward the sky and I landed along a slimy rock. I was weak. Parched. How long had it been? I touched the scars on my face, standing as the water split apart to I could trek to shore barefoot. A torn deep purple gown dragged from my shoulders to the floor. Magic puffed every exhale while I used my staff to go forth, dropping to my knees. The sand here was warm when my cheek fell against it.

           “Daddy, a mermaid!” A little girl raced down the hill while water splashed down.

           “Honey, back up.” I heard the dialing of a phone. “Yeah, we have a woman here. She’s on the shore, she looks hurt.” Many hands turned me over. “I don’t know, she just came out of the water.” My eyes opened and all but the child reclined back as I breathed a little steadier with gold, black eyes. “We're at-”

           “Hang up, please.” I watched their eyes glow in sync and he dropped the phone. “What month is it?”

           “October.”

           “Nine months,” I sighed and dropped down, cackling before I lifted myself up.

           “Are you a mermaid?” The small girl asked.

           “No, child.” I smiled down at her. “I am a goddess.”

           “Like at museums.”

           “Oh, yes.” I nodded. “Is this one your father?” I motioned to the blank mortal and she nodded. “Does he have a car?” Again, she smiled and nodded. “Can you show me which one it is? Then come straight back to your father and wait.” I reached out and she took my hand.

           “Do you grant wishes?”

           “I can,” I grinned in return. “But, you have to believe in me first.”

** ** **

           “Guys, we have movement.” Bruce jumped up, knocking a carton of takeout onto the floor which caused Tony to groan.

           “Really…”

           “Shush. Look,” Bruce pointed, “just shy of Miami. That tremor. It looks like…”

           “You’re right,” Jane appeared over his shoulder. “The shockwave when Thor was taken.”

           “Sharon,” Tony was bringing up her image on another computer. “We got something.”

           “Fury and Hill do as well. Picked up some people that say a woman washed up on shore and, get this, she limped out from the middle of the ocean by splitting the sea.”

           “Holy Moses.” Tony replied.

           “Not funny,” Sharon smirked. “It’s weird, they put in a call but hung up. A family found them all sitting on the beach and the only one with a coherent story was a little girl. Said a goddess came out of a painting and asked her for her daddy’s car keys. Also, apparently made a wish for a new doll and, guess what, she was playing with one when we found them.”

           “Let me guess, was this in Miami?” Jane set her hand on her hips.

           “How’d you know?” Sharon’s brows came together when Jane turned the screen to the map readings. “Guess it’s time to suit up. Call me in ten.”

** ** **

           “This is delicious,” I was stuffing food into my mouth until sauce dribbled down my chin before I grasped my water to drink the entire thing.

           “Never had Cuban food?” The man replied in a droning voice. He watched me inhale food like an eager pig and never judged me. Not for my manner or size. Just looked fond and blank.

           “No, it’s wonderful.” I sighed, my hair was still wet and somehow hanging past my waist in damp curls while I sat at his table and ate. My legs curled under myself and I leaned over, chewing on a side of fries as well. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

           “I am your friend.”

           “I’m going to use the shower. Wait here for me.” I touched his hand and cocked my head. He never asked to join. Never tried to look at me. Just waited.

           “Yes.”

** ** **

           “Do you feel anything?” Loki asked and Moira shook her head.

           “Frigga and I felt the shift as well so I hurried back. The Warriors are eager. Fandral was…distraught when I told him what had happened. We all were.”

           “It has to be her. I won’t be able to handle it if it is not.” Loki shook his head and Thor touched his shoulder. “Nine months.”

           “The best we can do is go find out.”

** ** **

           Power was crackling so within my veins now. I felt the eyes on me. I wanted them to look anywhere else.

           “Would that be cash or charge for the shoes, dress, and jacket?” A lady smiled and I hissed.

           “I’d like to take them for free if you’d be so kind.”

           “Oh, yes.” Her eyes glittered and I cocked my head.

           “Stop smiling at me!” Glass cracked behind me when something overcharged, her smile left.

           “Sorry.”

           “Don’t apologize. I’m being rude. You hate this job. Your boss is a sexist shit who profits because you hate yourself and you’re underneath him in this chain of command. You should tell him that and go after your dream.” I grew calmer and she followed.

           “Right, I’ll do that.” She turned and I rubbed my head, hurrying out. Light prickled up from my skin just over my heart and I doubled over.

           “Where are you?” I heaved and began to second guess myself. “What am I doing here?” My staff turned cane kept me going while I brought my large hood up, a black jacket covered down past my knees. I trudged through the city and felt my heart beat hard and flutter, violently so. People looked at me oddly as I stumbled into the street before I charged. “Stop!” Every soul looked up and turned to face away. Breathing steadier, I circled humans and cars when wind blew into palm trees. Blinking, everything came into focus and life went on. My heart ached and thudded in my ears while the souls overwhelmed so, I fell to my knees and someone grabbed my shoulder.

           “You alright, Miss?” He panicked when my eyes lifted. “Monster!” Teeth clenching, I snarled and magic burst off me, sending people and cars scooting over.

            _Run before I kill you._  I told him.

           He did. Eagerly so.

           “What’s happening?! Over there!” Chaos ended as humans left cars to run from me when another burst washed everything away. The humming of a jet finally brought several names back.

            _Tony._

_Natasha._

_Sam._

_Bruce._

_Janet._

_Hank._

_Thor._

_Jane._

_Peter_

_Clint._

_Bucky._

_Sharon._

_Steve._

_No, that’s not right. No, Steve is dead._

_No, why was he still dead._

_I wasn’t strong enough. But, now I am._

_Loki…_

           I sighed, fingers dug into stone until it was rubble.

            _Loki_.

           Hissing when I was fully overwhelmed, I felt the shifting of souls and heard the hum I knew from our ship.  _Jean. Darwin. Logan. Scott. Ororo._  My lungs shuddered with sparks that rose in my throat.  _Moira._  Energy billowed and I was overcome until the utter of…

           “Psych?” Iron Man landed, his mask folded back. He lifted his arms in a soothing motion and I brought my head up so he could see my eyes. “Oh my god. It’s you.” He was quick to communicate, gripping my arms to pull me close and shake me. “Get down here, it’s her! She’s alive. Psych, I can’t believe-”

           “Psyche is dead, Tony.” I stood, hands raising before my fists clenched and he was tossed backward by a tumultuous force. “Psyche is buried.” These waves of harrowing energy billowed off and sucked back in before repeating, I rose from the ground. “He is coming. Finally.” I sighed out and shed my coat as my friends jumped down from the jet to look upon me, to stop me. “I don’t want to hurt you. Back off me.”

           “Sweetheart,” Loki rushed forward, unbelieving. “Come here to me. We’ll fix this.”

           “I intend to.” I turned my gaze and didn’t acknowledge Thor once. “Moira. My watchful protector once upon a time. How’s Faleen?”

           “Missing me.” She came forward, in front of Loki. “Just as you were missed. Talk to us.”

           “We don’t have to stand on opposite sides, my friends.” I landed, scepter in hand while the mortals scattered. They were on the defensive. That was probably best. I did not feel betrayal, nor disappointment. I felt superb. I grinned and exhaled with such power I’d not known. “I saved us. Did you see Thanos fall? I did that. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re alive. The new world will be even more beautiful, I wish you could see it now. Like I do. He showed me how to look toward the end.”

           “New world.” Jane came forward. “I like this one.”

           “Because this filthy place is all you have known. We’re conditioned from birth to just stand by and take what we’re given by the undeserving generation before us. Secretly, they want us to fail because they are small and insecure. Unsatisfied and bigoted. We’re told when to sit and stand and speak. When to be grateful. When to grow up. And then they speak over us, even now. Imagine a perfect world. United and thriving against filth. We can start here. The rest of the realms will follow.”

           “Someone’s been feeding you the Kool Aid.” Tony spoke in jest. “Nothing? Got ya, no references still.”

           “You don’t see it now. But, you can. If you believe hard enough-”

           “That isn’t how it works,” Hank offered. “This guy got into your head but he’s not on your side. He isn’t your friend. He’s playing on your power and your illness.”

           “There is an illness in all of us. But, I can show you where the end begins.” I leaned forward. “Come and see.”

           “Snap out of it!” Moira charged forward and slapped me so hard, I fell to the side with a thud. “This isn’t you! Look at them. Look at their faces. They know you. And this isn’t it.”

           “Some people change.” I touched my nose and watched the blood drip to the pavement before I wiped it away. “You all do not understand. You couldn’t possibly. But, I…I’ll make you.” Magic swept her backwards and Thor caught her when I rose up again. My eyes locked to Loki's. For a beat, I pled and stilled, exhaling before I rose higher. Away from all who loved me. There was no other end. They didn't need me anymore.

           “Don’t do this!” Thor begged and light opened behind me. Apocalypse stood and outstretched his hand.

           “Who the hell are you?!” Loki charged and I set my hand up to stop him. To stop all of them.

           “They do not understand. Do not mourn it. They will.” En Sabah Nur reached for me so I went with him.

           “Yes. I suppose so.” I took his hand, fingers lacing. “I’ll save the world. Even if I must do it without you. Goodbye.” They were forced to watch us go into the portal and vanish. I opened my eyes somewhere new. “Where are we now?”

           “A symphony hall. I have a present for you. It is time you understand fully what you can do with this. I will not hide it from you like those who came before. No longer can it overwhelm you. Bring you pain. You are in total command. Of everything.”

           “What price will you ask in return for the things you will give me?”

           “Merely the chance to see you flourish so you can make your wonders known. So you can transform in the way you have always wanted. So we can fix the world.” He gestured to the stage. At least ten men and women were bound to chairs in front of instruments.

           “Who are they?”

           “Filth.” Apocalypse watched them cry out and struggle. “Mortals who like to touch children. Mortals who like to kill them. They are my gift to you. And you will make them play.” He came to touch my face. “Give me a symphony, make them play for you.” When he had moved down to sit in the front row, I watched the humans all sit up at the sight of me. So, I raised my hands up and eyes changed. I sighed and a chorus of strings floated with a delicacy I’d never touched on this earth.

           And so they…

           And I…

           I made them soar and I made them dip down. The echoes were euphoric. And they just stared so blindly and did what I willed. For the first time, I felt…

           I never looked away because I never wanted to.

           They were terrified and music flowed out so naturally. I felt it build. My arms stretched out. And when I was at a peak. When I’d flooded every soul in front of me. Apocalypse asked for more.

           “Kill them.”

           Fists clenched.

           Blood misted my face.

           And it was done.

           And then he said, so sweet. So nurturing.

           “Now bring them back.”

           My chest heaved with a tremor. Fingers stretched out.  

           “I cannot.”

           “Why would I ask it of you?” He challenged, voice like silk. In my ear. “Bring them back.”

           “Their bodies are dead. They’ll rot either way. They always rot. I cannot fix it.” I never could.

           “Yes. Bring them back.”

           Invisible strings looped between my fingers, souls were puppets to me.

           That’s what Loki had said.

           Perhaps, I’d allow him to be right about me.

           Bodies jerked and limbs quaked unnaturally like an electric shock had gone through them. Each one stood, faster than the last and I smiled wide at my creations. At the future and what it held. Apocalypse was pleased as well. Very much so.

           “Do you want more?” He was in my ear again, fingertips coiling over my shoulder. Pleasure plucked a cord in my heart.

           “I do.” I looked to see his face, arms dropping before the bodies crumbled once more. His knuckle came under my chin, guiding me to stare intent at his expression. One of pure affection. Total understanding. One that played on every hope within my body and one that would deliver in full. His finger drew a line up my jaw and caressed my hair before tracing back down.

           “Come and see.” He requested once more, so level and devoted. Oh, I did see. So very clear. I knew what I had to do. Still smiling and bright, I affirmed the existence of stars unseen to blind eyes.

           _“It’s better than nothing.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun fact, I wrote that scene between the Lady and Apoc before I'd even written Winter Soldier. It was always supposed to culminate there. Bit of an anti-villain!Lady coming. The next chapters are the last epic arc Phase Six: The End. Huge thank you to everyone reading, feel free to share some words below! It gives me life like you wouldn't believe. Seriously, this story is everything to me and it's not perfect but it's mine and it helped me through so much. If I'm lucky, maybe it helped someone else out there. You readers here are so wonderful. So thanks guys! **ALSO...Rami Malek is my En Sabah Nur.


	43. Gospel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of Phase Six: The End!! With The Lady compromised, everyone must shift focus and plan to get her back. Their friend may not be as gone as they thought. New threats come for the Earth after Thanos' evil pursuit leaves the opened realms in total chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimate Anti Villain ahoy. :) Fantastic Four and X-men: Apoc nods to come. Big warning for explicit torture scene. Again, I write Apoc with Rami Malek in mind and I take from movie and comic variations.

          “A gift can often be a curse. Give someone wings and they may fly too close to the sun.” Professor Charles Xavier began. “Give someone the power of prophecy and they may live in fear of the future. Give them the greatest powers beyond imagination and they may think they’re meant to rule the world.”

           “She means to save it,” Thor sighed across the way. Avengers. X-Men. Fantastic Four. Shield Agents: Sharon, Maria, Nick, and Clint. All gathered in an auditorium early this morning in the newly renovated Avengers Tower. Files fluttered in lights above the surfaces in front of them.

           “Often there is little difference to some.” Loki sat up, arms crossed over the desk. No one objected to his opinion.

           “Anything on Cerebro?” Sharon sighed, going through boxes of stolen Hydra files near the podium.

           “Nothing. We still can’t find her. Can’t find this mutant she’s with. Asked around. Tried every mutant contact we had. Even Emma back in Boston last week. No trace.” Jean replied.

           “Moira tried to locate her with Heimdall. It was impossible.” Thor twisted his hair and bounced his leg until Jane touched his knee to stop him. “Father. Mother. They will spare warriors when the time comes. But, our friend is wise. She knows how we all think. How we move. She’s trained in all Asgardian arts and she has the powerful traces of two infinity stones. I never thought it would build to this. She studied because she wanted to do better. Because she enjoyed the knowledge and wanted it to use it to help others. Because she wanted to be as strong as the rest of us in Asgard.” Guilt twisted his own gut at that.

           “She has a powerful ancient being whispering in her ear, it’d drive anyone off the path.” Nick Fury lifted his head, leaning up on the podium near Maria so she went on.

           “We need to contain this, by any means. What are we prepared to do?” Ah, yes. A familiar question.

           “I won’t discuss ending her life.” Loki stood straight up, fists tightening together. “Now, Moira left me some information that she dug up in Asgard. At this point in time, separating my wife from the stones would be a fool’s errand. It’s impossible. And it appears she is not ready to listen to reason especially while attached to this mutant. We need to separate them instead and move on from there.”

           “Moira, Bruce, and I created some charts with what we all have on our friend. Loki’s right.” Jane sighed. “The mind stone’s traces are pinpointed around her heart, like it’s pumping along her blood. This soul stone, that's what they are calling it…they didn’t quite understand it, Moira said, because it’s in her brain hiding around the parietal lobe. It's why they did not see it properly or know what it was and why our friend did not unlock all of its potential...until now, I'm sure. It must have grown upset what with being partially untapped and with Thanos prodding at it. It's why she had those blackouts and seizures when her brain swelled. Moira was certain of that much, but it hid itself well. If it were possible to rip out like when they took the Aether from me, she could suffer serious brain damage. She could die.”

           “We know she’s in there.” Tony shook his head. “I know it.”

           “What will it cost us all to stop her?” Nick Fury offered. “You think I want it to come to this? I don’t. Steve Rogers wouldn’t either. She was here from the start and stayed before and after the formation of the Avengers because it was right. What she brought to this team was unique and unmatched. But, we need to consider the possibility that our friend and teammate has been compromised and we need to consider what she is willing to do for her own end.”

           “She’s a god. Doomed to be perfect. Or try to be. She wants to deliver souls. This is a classic messiah complex…” Janet rubbed her temple and peered at Hank next to her. “What would you do next? What does she need first for her goal?”

           “Gods need followers.” Sharon replied after a long beat of silence. “Disciples. They need to spread their gospel to the world. But, they cannot do that alone.”

           “Mutants powerful enough and willing to stand with her, oh my god.” Ororo touched her lips when everyone looked at her standing up. “I know one she might go after first.” Everyone got the idea and jumped up with various curses to hurry out.

** ** **

           “I’m surprised you didn’t stay with the school, Emma.” I set my chin on my hand while she poured us some jasmine tea into expensive china.

           “Xavier offered, of course.”

           “And you didn’t take it, why?”

           “Look, I know you’re not here for a heart to heart. Make your deal.” She sipped, pinky out and I sat back, looking around her lush mansion. “They warned me about you. I thought you were dead. But, you look...great.”

           “I feel as much. But, you are still trying to find Stryker. Along with the entire U.S. government. How is that working out?” I blinked. “I hope my eyes don’t bother you.”

           “Honey, I’ve seen it all.” She watched me pick up my cup. “Where is he?”

           “Not hiding well enough. But, I don’t want to just talk about Stryker. I want to talk about you. You’re powerful. More so than most. But, I think my associate could help you tip the scales. We mean to destroy men like Stryker. There is war and you were right, not every side has an equal chance of winning. Thanos was mighty but there are greater threats yet to come. But, first, we need revelation. I want to show you something.” I sipped my tea and light opened a portal behind me, Emma immediately shifted to diamonds while I stood. “Do not be frightened. He means you no harm.”

           “You’ve chosen well,” Apocalypse caused me to smile wider with genuine pride. This praise did things to me. My heart sped up when his hand touched mine. “The White Queen. Emma Frost. Yes, I see possibilities. Possibilities you hid away.” I could no longer read Emma but I watched her eyes widen in wonder.

           “He won’t bring harm to you, he needs your help, Emma.” I soothed, shifting around the table toward her. “This offer will come once and if you refuse, I’ll go. I saw hope in you briefly when we found you those months ago. You’re a teacher. A leader. You don’t want restraint. There are those below you who believe it should be so. Come with me. Thrive in the new world of your own force and making. This one is dying. It has been for a long time. You said you were a lucky girl, but I think this gift will show you the right way.” I cupped the crystalline jaw and she watched my eyes, sighing when my fingers traced down to her chin. “Show her. Show her what you showed me.” En Sabah Nur touched my shoulder and I shifted back while he lifted his hand, fingers stretching out. He did not touch her. But I watched the diamond sparkle in a sudden wave when her lips opened, eyes big to feel the power surging up and down. She shifted several times, flesh to diamond. Hair and eyes shining abnormally bright. My eyes turned to the window.

           “Company coming. Very soon.”

           “You feel it, don’t you? Now, you feel it.” Apocalypse watched Emma gasp to gain her breath back, looking down at herself before she watched his face, beaming just a bit brighter. “Come and see, my child.”

           “Child?” She scoffed at that, still breathing heavier.

           “Look closely,” he pointed to me and I felt Emma trying to read my mind, it was harder to block her out this time. But, I nodded and unfurled so she could see it all.

           “You’re reaching your full potential, Lady Frost.” I bowed my head. “Come with me and finally take everything you deserve. Every single thing you covet. It is just beyond the lights.” Another portal was spreading out so I moved to stand by it with Apocalypse while my friends closed in. Planes landed and Emma looked around when her mansion shook. “Or continue feeling around in darkness.” I reached for her hand when Apocalypse clasped his into mine. She’d smiled when she took it as doors burst open. Screams of my name sounded. “My friends. Perhaps there will be time to speak later.” The portal closed before outstretched hands and desperate fingers.

** ** **

           “I’ve set you up a room, I hope it is to your liking.”

           “So confident I’d go with you.” Emma watched me carefully.

           “Yes,” I turned to see her eyes. “There is much more to do. We’re looking for the most powerful mutants to stand with us.”

           “And your team?”

           “They do not want to understand. It isn’t their fault. They cannot see the strings.” I turned to go up the hill behind Apocalypse, slowing to continue my monologue. “Since Loki Laufeyson opened the world, the earth has expanded out to draw evil from behind shadows unseen before. Thanos is dead but more will take his place because he was meant to inspire such filth. Something vile draws ever nearer to us while that filth peaks within this realm. This planet is miserable with the weak commanding the strong. We will change that. I’ve tired so of these failures. This is what I was meant to do. Change the wheel and ensure it lands in the right direction, even if I must force it. No more weak hands will touch it ever again when I am finished. I’ll break their fingers if I must. My world will be better. I command it to be better…and they will listen this time. I am a god. It is time I acted as one. These souls will be alight with cries, writhing while they reach out to me. And I...” I felt a great distance pool within myself. Wind picked up and I lifted my eyes to see Apocalypse staring back. There was a peculiar sort of fondness in his expression.

           “Go. Meditate.” En Sabah Nur was gentle. “I wish to speak with her.”

           “I will find the others,” I didn’t question it.

           “No need.” Emma caused me to stop. “I know a place. A mutant who will know where the most powerful are.”

           “No time to waste,” I turned and Apocalypse touched my face.

           “You are what protects us from prying eyes. Meditate. I will go and return to you.”

           “We need Magneto and his group. He will understand, he’s trusted in his community.” I replied. “I’ll go to him. Alone.”

           “Then you will meditate. Expand.”

           “Cerebro was my way of-”

           “You do not need a machine.” He cupped my jaw and my eyes glowed, lip quivering like he might kiss me. If only he’d just kiss me. I was lost. Found. All at once. “You have me.”

           “Yes.” I touched his knuckles, sighing when they slipped away from my flesh. “Yes.” I’d repeated. “I can find his Brotherhood without issue. I won’t be long. If you please?” The portal opened and I was gone into busy streets with dying lights. A chapel in shambles. I must have interrupted a speech because Magneto stopped at the podium to watch me enter before he smiled more to himself.

           “So the rumors are true. The lost Avenger lives.”

           “Forgive me, I intended to slip in quietly. I do love to hear your speeches.” I looked around at various unsettled mutant souls before he beckoned once for me to come down the aisle. “Mystique,” I paused when she stood on the stairs to make me still at the end. “Good to see you again. Did you change your hair?” Noticeably, she smirked and Pyro shifted from Magneto’s side.

           “I thought you were dead.”

           “I was briefly. Not the first time. Won’t be the last. You look well.” I let my hands fall to my sides. “I’m not here to cause trouble. You know war is here and more will come. I have an offer and a warning. Which would you like first?”

           “You’d be a fool to threaten us in here, my dear.” Magneto beckoned again and Mystique let me pass.

           “Threaten? No. The Sentinel program was shut down but your problems are not over. I have a contact looking to fix the flow of things on this Earth. We could benefit from working together.” I looked around. “Imagine a world without hiding. A world where you can be totally free. Safe. Flourishing. That is our vision, for the strong to take back what was stolen. I’d like you to meet with him but you’d be a fool to blindly put your trust in me. There is something I know every person in this room wants. You most of all. I will seek it out and I will bring it to you. In exchange for this gift, will you hear my partner out?”

           “What could I possibly need from you?” Magneto was amused and I smiled, blissfully so.

           “Reassurance. Perhaps, a little revenge. You are a man of such...distinct, refined tastes. I won’t return unless I have your gift. Thank you for your time.”

** ** **

           “Sneaking out of school?” Peter approached a table that a group of young mutants were gathered around.

           “Professor Summers let us out for independent study. Thinks we went to the library.” Kitty replied. “Hey, M.J.”

           “Kitty,” she smiled and waved before joining her.

           “Thanks for coming.” Peter sat down between Kurt and Jubilee.

           “We were surprised when we got your message.” Bobby shrugged with Rogue nodding next to him.

           “We both lost good friends to other sides,” Peter sighed. “X-Men pushing you out because things are getting dangerous?”

           “Sounds about right,” Rogue propped her elbow on the table.

           “Avengers still see M.J. and I as kids, they’re doing the same. And everything with Harry…” Peter paused.

           “Harry’s caused a bit of chaos around Oscorp and Ravencroft. We think he’s struggling again.” M.J. finished.

           “I wanted to establish a line of communication between all of us.” Peter went on. “I want to find my friends.”

           “We miss her too.” Jubilee said after a moment of thought. “Professor X and Jean can’t find her. They’ve been either out or holed up, looking.”

           “Loki gave us this,” Peter pulled a cuff from his pocket. “It’s magic, to block her and her influence out. But, I think we can crack the science behind it and use it to help catch her.”

           “Why aren’t you bringing this to your team?” Kitty blinked.

           “Because they’re going to kill her. They just don’t know it yet.” M.J. lowered her eyes. “They haven’t said and we know they don’t want to. But, things are getting bad. We think we can trap her first. We need your help to do it.”

           “I can’t offer much but we can work and train together.” Peter nodded. “You’re in this and it isn’t fair anymore to pretend this isn’t your fight too. We all need to be ready. We need to build something great from all of this. Something that can live beyond it. I became Spider-Man at 15. You all were born with extraordinary abilities. Our friend was born and raised to be a warrior and god when she was a child. Life can be...a damn burden. We were too young. All of us. But, we found each other. The things that set us apart will bring us closer together. Our paths crossed and no matter the direction they go...we all can make a difference as one.”

           “Parker, you had us at training.” Bobby clasped his hands. “If we can help stop her and save her, I’m willing to try.”

           “Can we start with suits?” Kitty put her hand up and M.J. smiled.

           “Have to start somewhere.”

** ** **

           Always I felt the Norns sparking against my skin. Coiling into my hair. I was blissfully unaware of their eyes on my face. My soul stretched and tugged like a sheet wrapping around this earth to cover it from the sun. Light danced upon fingertips before…

           “ _Sweetheart?_ ”

           “ _Ah_ ,” I jerked to one side when it all came crashing back in a billowing wave before my lungs expanded for air. A massive door opened and shut so I turned on a gold platform. “You’re back.” Candles lit at my command.

           “Tomorrow, you will come. More followers await.” Apocalypse shed his armored pieces to get into a great pool with crystal clear waters reflecting the moon from an archway. Briefly, I traced the scar upon my hand when it twitched.

           “The Avengers and their comrades will keep trying to come for us. They will try to capture me.”

           “If and when we are separated, I have a plan in motion,” En Sabah Nur watched the moon outside. I wondered if he spent nights watching it with cool sand under his feet so many years ago when his followers allowed him moments of peace. I wondered how long those sweet moments lasted for. “Should another spill your blood, I will know right where you are.”

           “You turned Thanos’ work in your favor.” My clothing shed so I got in behind him. “It is difficult for me to read you. Even now. Likewise, it’s harder for you to read me.” His skin was like marble, unsettlingly so, with engraved patterns. My hands smoothed up toward his shoulders. “It’s like there are a thousand souls intertwined around yours to hide it away.” My lips neared his ear, palms around his torso now. “I’ll find it one day.” Grinning, I came around him with water just around my breasts as I paced closer to the open arch so I could see stars shine. “I wonder so about how your followers regarded you. Touched you. You were groomed to be a god. Being a god was a commonplace in my realm. I was no more special than anyone around me and yet, it was rare I ever felt...equal.”

           “I’ve shown you otherwise.” He waited until I turned to see his eyes on my face.

           “What are we going to be to each other? Gods passing judgment together. Friends and equals? Or will I always be just one step under your gaze. Maybe you like me there. You wouldn’t be the first.” I trailed toward him, unable to read that expression. “No, I am everything to you. Do you look at me and weep for what I’ve been through? Do you wish for me to deliver you as well in turn? En Sabah Nur. Apocalypse. Do you feel that stab of great hunger and temptation when you look into my eyes? Does it make you think for just a moment that you’re not the god they raised you to be. Your followers always wanted to touch you if only to bless themselves. Not to comfort you.” I cupped the back of his neck and pressed my naked body against his. Abruptly, I pulled him in for a deep kiss while he pressed his fingers into my skin and let me.

           “I will guide you when you seek it. And you do. You will stand beside me in the end.” Yes, I believed him.

           “You’ve never received a kiss like that. They put bodies in your bed to please their god. But, it never felt like that.” I took his hand in mine to trace the lines on it. “They kissed your hands and feet to worship you. Ah, you’re intrigued. But, they do not kiss you here.” My lips drew to his neck, up his jaw, and toward his ear while I slipped a thigh between his. “ _Oh_. By the way, you’re hard…” I’d whispered, giggling outward as I leaned back and splashed water against his chest like a playful nymph, passing him to go. “Power didn’t do that.”

           He didn’t speak. Just observed.

           “Now, I suppose I have meditating to do.” My clothes coiled back around my body once it dried with magic. “Where do you want me to go?”

           “Something calls to this Earth. Show it the way home.” He listened to me sigh, brow furrowing.

           “It is already here.”

** ** **

           In public, sunglasses were a must to cover my eyes when I didn’t bother with magic.

           “Feel him still?” Emma asked next to me.

           “Yes, we’re close. He isn’t alone, I’ll draw him out.”

           “Yeah, make his eyes glow and stumble out of whatever conversation he’s in. That won’t draw anyone else out in question.”

           “I’ll handle them,” I turned to see her face and looked up. “Shit.”

           “Avengers?”

           “They knew we’d come for him. Must have jumped priority on their list.” I pulled my sunglasses off, watching my friends rush out of the jet atop a large club and file in. “New plan. Let them heave him out. Wait here.” Snow crunched under my feet as I got up onto the building, sliding around the sleek jet before I punched a hole into the side and ripped out some wires.

           “Enough.” Thor landed with Emma’s diamond neck in his hand. She squirmed and I dropped the wires into snow.

           “Setting a trap for me and catching a certain fugitive. Whose idea was that?” I cocked my head and Thor didn’t answer. “I can guess if you don’t want to talk to me, Thor.”

           “Fall to your knees and come with us.” Thor threatened and tried so to be hard. “...I’ll crush her.”

           “Thor, the noble prince and mighty hero. Crushing a woman who has not done anything yet. And then…you wonder why Mjolnir has left your grasp?” That burned him. I watched his heart pulse. “When was the last time your hand was around a woman’s neck, Thor?” I leered, inching toward him. “You wanted to crush her as well but, you were too weak to. I remember many times. Bodies coiled together. You just wept all to yourself and got up to face the day when the sun rose. We are leaving with Stryker. With or without your help.” Guns cocked behind me and I smiled, lifting my hand to Thor.

           “You’re coming with us.” Sam began, shield up. “This ends before it can begin.”

           “This began the moment I came into the world. Look at you. Old friends. Perfect picture of heroes.” I sighed, eyeing Stryker struggling with a bloodied head between Bucky and Janet. “William. How’s the son?” He grunted aloud, blood on his teeth and I smiled.

           “What do you mean?” Natasha pulled forward, gun cocked.

           “I’m surprised Loki isn’t here for your big catch. Grab Stryker knowing I’d find him. Take me in.  _Plead_ , no this isn’t you. Please, come home. A solid plan. Alas… If only it could be so.” I ducked down, blasting Thor off the side before Emma slid in front of me to block an onslaught of darts. I grabbed her hand, flying forward to rip Stryker from the ground and up into the air. I cackled against the dark sky, magic swirled around us before a portal opened and we disappeared into it. Stryker was dropped at En Sabah Nur’s feet.

           "Pitiful."   

           “Take what you need from him. Keep him alive so I can play with him later and deliver his wretched soul. I have so many games now, William.” I pointed and Nur clasped his hands. “Someone new is here.”

           “Next room. Make your acquaintances. Then you will go pray.”

           “Goody,” I sighed, leaving Stryker at his mercy before his scream echoed when I left him with Emma. “How’s your neck?”

           “Still intact.” She followed me into the main room and another woman turned to see us.

           “Name's Betsy. Call me Psylocke.” She nodded and we introduced ourselves. Her black hair was tied up high to show her brown, rounded face and sharp, dark eyes.

           “Psylocke. What can you do?” I’d asked before her fist lifted to emit a telekinetic blade of glowing pink light. It plunged between Emma and I, causing us to both shift aside.

           “Charmed.” Emma replied, shifting to diamond with a smile that she returned.

           “Likewise.”

** ** **

           Another night fell and I brought my hood up, utterly alone. A light was flickering above me and I lifted my eyes causing it to stop and blare. I knocked once. Twice. The door swung back and I exhaled with some relief when my eyes shifted to brown.

           “Hello, sweetheart.”

           “Pour a girl a drink?” I waited until Loki shifted aside to come in. “Did they believe it?”

           “Did he?”

           “Yes.”

           “Yes.” He locked the door and I saw the living room.

           “Naaki’s tree?”

           “Guest room.” Loki was pouring. “Couldn’t stand to see it.” He tried to hand me the drink and lean in to kiss me but I backed up.

           “You know the rules.” I paused and Loki sighed, setting it down before magic slid it across the counter. “He will sense traces of you on me.”

           “How do you know he cannot see you now?”

           “I’m well hidden.” I shrugged. “He isn’t in my head when we are separated. He said something. Should another spill my blood. He will find me. No doubt something Thanos left that he reworked.”

           “Stryker?”

           “No great loss when we’re finished with him.” I drank and Loki watched my face. “I do not know if I can do this.”

           “We planned for this. You and I. By the nine, you had me fooled when you left with him until you came to me with blood misted all over your pretty face.  _I saved us, Loki. Just like I said_.”

           “I knew this being would give me the power to kill Thanos the moment I met his eyes. It all fell into place. He delivered in full. The cost was great but now I can stop more threats before they happen from the inside.” I heaved and drank more before he poured again. “I cannot figure out what is being drawn to the Earth. But, I will.”

           “You like this. The limitless power. The way he makes you feel.”

           “We both knew I would. I’m already in deep. I struggle to not forget myself. He’s more focused on his mutant followers, I don’t know what he requires of me besides my power. I cannot figure what he wishes to do with it or me.” I looked up at Loki finally. “If this goes bad, you know what I will ask of you again.”

           “I do. You think two infinity gems will stop me?”

           “I didn’t know. Thanos concealed it well. Nerien kept a lot from me. More than I thought. I know there is more. I really did not know.”

           “Nor did I and now we’re both too late. You have them. End of story.” Loki sipped. The marble island separated us. “You have to make your little friends believe you. You have to make me believe you. You must fool this mutant most of all. This god.”

           “Do they hate me?”

           “They’re hurt and confused and mourning you.” Loki offered and I hunched over. “Moira and I are working on runes to block some of your influence and any other telekinetic. So, you’ll have more excuses to not slip straight into mind control.”

           “I miss Moira.” I sighed. “Loki, I’m sinking deep into this role. I might lose myself. I believe the things I say. I feel his influence over me. I’m not in control. We’re not in control.”

           “You came to me the first chance you got and we agreed that this was the only option. Thanos would have obliterated everyone in any timeline…if you don’t play the villain.”

           “Maybe I’m not even playing anymore. Maybe I am the villain now. I feel him everywhere and I love it.” I shook my head and rubbed my temple. “I thought I could hold out but his voice. He changed me Loki and I am fluttering away.”

           “I don’t want you in this either but now, if you fall back. He will kill you. And everyone else. We don’t know what this mutant god is capable of.”

           “He didn’t start out a god. I’ve learned this. Hundreds of souls over his. Stolen power. He used celestial technology to enhance himself.” I peered up at Loki and he believed in me with every fiber of his being.

           “How do you defeat a god?” Loki pressed and I flicked my eyes over his at the familiar question. I tried to smirk and failed.

           “You make them fall in love with you.” I decided against chilled air. "Something tangible and something that can be lost." 

           “You’ve done it before. Many times.” Loki replied in jest.

           “I will lose myself,” I warned and he made me a promise.

           “I will find you.”

** ** **

           “Did he believe you?”

           “Yes, he is desperate.” I stood before En Sabah Nur. “He will believe anything I say because there is love in his bleeding heart. You’ve nothing to fear.”

           “No, of course not,” he ran his thumb and pointer finger down to my chin. “Does his betrayal still ache so?"

           "I've betrayed him as well. We tried so to..." I closed my eyes. Opened them. "Loki's betrayal...so long ago. It was not the most painful part, you know? Not the betrayal itself. But, the knowing...knowing that this person I loved could spend so much time planning to betray me. Use me. Knowing I did not see it fully. We kissed and murmured and held each other. Months of knowing what he had done and would do. I've always wanted to know how people think. How they fit together. But, after his fall. I was consumed with prediction. Predicting what those around me would do before they could do it. I swore to know all so that I could never be betrayed again. I was so sure it worked that way, you see. But, it was never enough for me or those who looked to me. Never enough to save them all. In my mind. I was never enough for me. I'd sooner cut out my heart than let it be consumed by another. So, I let the infinity gems crystallize it. Armor it. Who would dare carry or ravage a crystalline heart?"

           "Can you think of no one?" He mused and my lips parted, head tilting to study his face again.

           "Have you ever been in love and felt the pull of betrayal weigh down your heart? Has that pain been so great...you have to look away before you crumble? Watching someone you love leave you behind in this world. Did it ache when you woke under the earth? Utterly alone and without followers? Loki betrayed me and fell into a filthy corner of these nine realms. If only he'd come home from the first. If only I looked further. But, now...it cannot matter."

           "It did not ache one bit." Apocalypse decided after a beat.

           "Why?" I replied, realizing. "You did not wake alone, did you? You heard me from the first. Was that a comfort?" I watched red eyes turn from mine and felt a thrill rush through my bones when he changed the subject. Slowly, I was prickling under his marrow.

           "This false god knows the paths off this Earth? He knows how we will gain the strength to our end?” 

           “It is a difficult task." I followed his lead. "But, once you have the Tesseract, you can be anywhere and everyone all at once. Your ability to teleport won’t be limited to this Earth. But, Loki would sooner die before he opened the way for you. Even with my influence, I don’t know the way and it’s not something I can absorb.”

           “I can.”

           “This is not celestial magic or earthly magic or a specific science. This is a unique brand of dark magic known only to him. We’d be running blind. The way is dangerous and since the end of the convergence, it’s near impossible. He will try and succeed to warn Asgard and their defenses are strong. Their warriors are mighty. The shield deploys and once it comes down, we will not pass it. We need him fully willing.” I paused, eyes elsewhere while I turned to pass a row of pillars toward the open arches. “I need him hopeless.”

           “You already know the way and you are hesitant to give it. Is this love?”

           “No,” I faced him when he drew closer. “With the odds against us, I don’t think Loki will be a problem when it is time. The Tesseract comes after though. There are other obstacles to be dealt with first. I know how to gain the power to overcome them. It will take more than you and I.”

           “You are certain.”

           “Increasingly.” I smiled bright. “We need a pure soul of infinite power. Loki has a brother, you see. Beloved Thor. Son of Odin. A crowned prince and gleaming gem of Asgard. I think he’s put off his true purpose for far too long. I care not about the way to Asgard. That is far off. We need Thor’s strength in full back into this world. He’s so much like his father and he doesn’t know it yet. Loki cannot stop that much.”

           “Stay with him, make him believe you. Enchant him.”

           “Do I enchant you?” Hair shifted over my shoulder when I cocked my head and he said something else.

           “Come, another one awaits,” Apocalypse reached for my hand and I took it. “Psylocke spoke of another aimless soul.” When the others joined us, we went into the portal and out into a dim lit alleyway. “Find him.” He told me so I blinked and expanded out, brow furrowing.

           “I know this soul.” I led them into an old building. Up in the beams was a man with golden curls. Two once magnificent wings dragged while he stumbled with a bottle in hand, one wing was badly hurt. “Warren Worthington the Third. They said you went home.”

           “Go away,” his tone echoed as he held himself up and swung down, almost tripping and unable to fly properly.

           “You fought Kurt so long ago.” I shifted forward and smiled soft to myself. “In the circus, he was called The Incredible Nightcrawler…”

           “You…You're that girl who broke us out.” He pointed with one finger before shrugging and gulping down some scotch. His eyes turned to the woman behind me. “Betsy…you look different.”

           “Warren.” Psylocke regarded him, frowning. There was clearly history between them.

           “This is your guy?” Emma was skeptical.

           “He used to be. I didn’t know his wings were… Let’s get out of here. His fighting days are done.” She turned and En Sabah Nur shifted forward when Warren backed up.

           “No, they’re not.”

           “What the hell is this?” Warren seethed at last.

           “I want to give you something.” The three of us got behind Apocalypse so he could work.

           “There is nothing you can give me that I want.” Warren turned and his back arched when Apocalypse lifted one hand.

           “Yes, there is.” Emma spoke and the bottle dropped from his hand. Warren cried out louder over the heavy metal playing in the club next door. His wings spread out, bones cracking all at once while they took a metallic sheen. He fell to his knees with a scream and reached up toward the sky when his wings shifted from soft feathers to sharp metal.

           “Yes, my son.” Apocalypse willed Warren to transform. “Rise. My Angel.” The boy with gold curls and a baby’s face stood, breathing heavily and changed completely. His wings lifted, metal shards shot out from them and he admired himself before grinning wider. The four of us all returned it.

** ** **

           Alone, I went below our growing palace and Stryker tried to lift his head from his many chains. I offered him a sweet smile and trailed my fingers up his leg, causing him to try and shake me away. He spat through his ball gag.

           “Not so easy, is it?” I soothed, sitting next to him on the table. “It’s funny. I see you like this and I’m overjoyed. I wouldn’t lift a finger to ease any bit of your pain because I so love to see you suffer. Yet, I’m also bored. You’re not terribly exciting on the slab like I was. Your son, gods rest his soul…” I got him to squirm and muffle curses. “He was delicious. You should be happy, I freed him. Of you. This world. He won’t have to experience the pain to come. But, pain forces growth. Some learn and others suffer the same fate over and over again. Did you ever love him? I wonder if there was a moment when you held him for the first time. But, we’ll never know for sure and now your chance is gone forever. You challenged gods and you really thought it wouldn’t end here? Rest assured, I have no plans to kill you just yet. As much as I fantasied about it. You don’t belong to me but I have still come to collect payment of sorts.” I curled one finger into the gag to pull it down.

           “I should have torn you apart.”

           “Yes, you should have. Weaker men than you have tried.” I poked his head. “But, you got lazy and cocky. Wasted priceless organs and failed experiments. You’re a filthy rapist, you know that?”

           “I never touched you.”

           “You never needed to. You violated me. You made others violate me for weeks. You violated countless innocent souls. Those mutants. That’s rape. Regardless, you are not the first, Colonel.” I swung my leg over his waist and straddled him, grasping his jaw.

           “What are you doing?”

           “Relax, I’m not interested.” I felt his cock twitch under me regardless and he stilled. “But, I need something from you. A token really. Let’s play a game and if you don’t play with me, I’m going to start skinning flesh from bone. I know, pretend I’m your daughter and I’ll pretend you’re the father I never had. Mine didn’t pretend he loved me and he didn’t pretend he wasn’t fucked up but I think he could have benefitted. I did. I’m going to ask you simple questions…” I was tearing open his shirt. “And you answer honestly.” A long blade drew from my hip and he reclined from me into the table when it pressed to his torso. “It’s funny, when they had me torture prisoners in Asgard, I barely lifted a finger to their head to make them scream but this hands on approach is…utterly invigorating. Maybe we’re not so different, William.”

           “Filthy heathen, I could have saved the world and you ruined everything.”

           “I did. Didn’t I? Don’t you think I’m just the worst?”

           “I’ll kill you.”

           “Oh? Then, why do I have the knife?” I drew a prickle of blood and he grunted, shaking. “Am I not saving the world right now? Did we not both think that we were doing the absolute right thing? See how that works out? I’m out of my mind and evil, perhaps, but at least I’m not a bigot.” I huffed. “Either way, we’re getting off the rails. So, first question. Would you rather have your Jason come back from the dead or have me drugged up in that lab again? Tick tick.”

           “You… You. Just so I can see you burn.”

           “That’s fucked up, daddy.” I sighed. “Easy question to keep your spirits up. Would you rather kill all the Avengers or all the X-Men?”

           “…X-Men.”

           “See, I knew that one. You’re doing so well. Feel better?” I tapped the blade against his skin. “Would you rather have your dead wife back if it meant giving up your dream of purging mutants?” Stryker didn’t answer so I shrugged and began to slip the blade into his ribs.

           “Ah! Wife. My wife.”

           “I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful but I’ll take it. A gesture of my goodwill because these are just practice questions.” I slipped back again. “When I was in the lab, would you rather have fucked me once or watched one of your men do it? Don’t play like it wasn’t agony that you couldn’t touch me. The miracle goddess.”

           “My…Myself. So I could choke the-”

           “Shh. I get it. I just wondered because I have this thing about my soul pulling at others and usually beings like you just get obsessed. I got exactly what I wanted. To be coveted by everyone around me. My stepfather had no excuse of course, I suppose I was just a special girl. Do you think silent mothers with sexually abused children ever feel more jealous than upset that their own husband would rather fantasize about their child than get into bed with them? I think some do. That’s horrid and tragic. I’m getting off course again. Next question..." I was fond and unhinged. He felt me change. Here I was offering my darkest, unuttered thoughts to my enemy like we were friends. "How many men do you think survive to the end of this game?” 

           “You don’t have to do this… You’re a…pretty girl. A good…daughter. Go home.”

           “Manipulation. At last, I’ve been waiting for it. Oh, I longed for a father’s touch…and I got… _filth_. I wish I’d killed him. I thought about it. So often. Sometimes I dreamed of bashing his skull into pieces. And my mother, yes, there is something like love between us. It is difficult not to blame her. She longed to be blissfully unaware of my pain. There was a day, I picked up the tea kettle from the hot stove and she just…kept talking about bullshit. I wondered about hitting her with it. I didn’t. Forgiveness only got me so far with her. I think I love her. I think I hate her all the same. Bad parents feed you toxic waste until you start to believe it's your only true solace. And they expect a thank you. Yes, William, I could walk away. But, who would finish the game?” I shrugged, unblinking and terrifying. “Would you rather I cut out a kidney or extract all of your teeth?”

           “Please.”

           “Please?!” I leaned over him. “Wasn’t that what I was saying the entire time you kidnapped me?!  _Please! Please don’t do this! Please!_  I saved your little life during the Oscorp attack and you…” Growling, I smoothed my hair back and sighed out to calm myself. “You took the sense of safety I died to build… _you_ took that away from me. I couldn’t look at my own team without the sensation of decay. You and my stepfather and every piece of filth, you’re all going to burn and you think your one all-powerful God loves you?! He hates you! You disgust him! God would sooner open the gates of heaven to a thousand mutants before he allowed your sorry soul in. If your God was so forgiving, why did he let you get taken so easily by this  _heathen_? Why isn’t he saving you? Huh? This is the same God who allows innocent children to be struck down. Gods are always to blame! They're always expected to solve the world's problems because you all are too shallow and selfish to make your own changes! Why?! Why is it always on us?! We never asked for this! We don't want it too, you know! He’s watching us right now. He’s watching you get what you deserve after all those years of making innocent people suffer. His people suffered for his love. You’ll suffer and gain nothing.” Stryker was breaking down and weeping under me. “So I have one more question… Really the only important question of the night. Left or right?”

           “What?”

           “Wrong answer. Dealer’s choice.” In one motion, I chopped his right hand clean off and his eyes went wide before he screamed in utter shock. Rolling my eyes, I got off him and held my blade over a flame when the door opened.

           “Am I too late?” Emma paced in, hands on her hips.

           “You’re just in time actually.” I pressed the blade to his flesh to cauterize the wound before I picked his hand up and waved at her.

           “You had this coming, you son of a bitch.” Emma’s hand turned to diamond before she backhanded him and replaced his gag. “That’s for what you did to me.”

           “Feel better?”

           “Ah, it’s a sweet gesture but nothing can be done. Thanks.”

           “Yes, the high wears off quickly.” I shrugged when she came around the table and took my face to kiss me. Eyes wide, I gasped when she pulled away.

           “Thanks for trying to make a girl feel better.” Emma beamed at my expression and turned to go.

           “…Any time.” I licked my lips and bit my amusement back. “About the hand?”

           “I think two day shipping will get it where it needs to go.”

           “Yes, I thought so too.”

** ** **

           “No sign of her or Stryker. Son of a bitch is probably dead.” Sam put his elbow up on a desk.

           “No loss there but he should have been taken in.” Tony soothed a headache. “She’s faster. Stronger.”

           “Loki and Moira’s runes will hold her off us.” Thor was encouraged.

           “You getting your warriors?” Jane crossed her legs on the couch.

           “Yes, I pushed and Moira supported it so my parents have agreed to send them. They’ve known her for as long as Loki and I. They will benefit us greatly.” Thor fingered his hair until he caught Loki’s eyes and stopped.

           “Once we find a way to separate her from the mutant, we’ll get answers.” Loki clasped his fingers.

           “Shield is trying to build something but…this is different. We’re confident we can hold her but it’s her powers we can’t really stop.” Natasha looked up from the computer.

           “What if we don’t have to block her powers but…bounce them back at her?” Peter offered, hiding along beams. “She couldn’t use them.”

           “Peter, you know the deal now.” Janet frowned. “Class first. It’s too risky.”

           “What? Just because I died in another reality?” He put his hands out.

           “Ah, yeah. That’s exactly why.” Tony roused nods from everyone.

           “That isn’t fair because we all were supposed to die. Remember?”

           “It isn’t fair to risk you.” Bucky offered carefully.

           “It’s not fair to hold me back. I haven't been a kid for a while now.” Peter huffed. “Let me at least come to meetings. I’ll stay out of the fight.”

           “You? Stay out of a fight?” Bruce crossed his arm.

           “Okay, I’ll give you that. But, come on. I’m on the team. I care about this. She was my friend too. She was Harry’s friend and Mary Jane’s. You all told me I’m the future of this team, I should have a say.” Peter swallowed and sighed evenly.

           “You get a say but we need you to live if you’re going to be a part of this team’s future.” Sam replied. “All those young supers you inspired. Your friends. Miles. Kamala. All those others we relocated to other bases. They need you. They need you more than they need us.”

           “I need you guys. They’re happier training under Commander Danvers.” Peter shrugged.

           “Many of them likely wouldn’t be in better situations without you,” Loki was soft and Peter paused, nodding. Jarvis cut in.

           “Sir, James Rhodes has arrived.”

           “Got your mail,” Rhodey walked in. “Anything?”

           “Nothing solid.” Tony sighed when he dropped packages and letters in front of him. Carefully, Rhodes touched his shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.

           “Fury, Hill, and I have it on lock. If she causes waves, it’ll get out. We’re talking a national state of emergency.” Rhodey warned.

           “As if we already haven’t been there,” Tony joked, slicing open a package before he swatted it backwards off the table. “ _Gah!_ What the fuck?” Rhodey grabbed his arm as he calmed, pointing and Loki used magic to lift the box up, revealing a decomposing hand around bags of ice. Everyone made sounds of disgust and covered their noses while Loki pulled on some gloves, prompting Bruce to follow.

           “It’s just a hand.” Loki picked it up, turning it over.

           “With no body attached.” Bucky kneeled to pick up a card in the package.

           “You’re so used to the opposite,” Loki smirked and Bucky quirked one brow at that.

           “Box says to the Avengers.” He went on.

           “No return address,” Jane leaned around his bicep. “It has to be her.”

           “I don’t think a test will be needed to prove that’s Stryker’s hand,” Bruce looked over when Loki set it on plastic.

           “He might be alive still.” Loki admired the stump and tried to fantasize about his wife taking it. Her heart speeding. “He was alive when this was taken at least, heart was pumping blood. Rapidly. My wife always had that effect.”

           “Do you need a minute alone?” Natasha’s expression was flat and he cocked his head.

           “No, I just find it interesting. If she does plan to keep him alive, it is possible than it isn’t for herself. He’s a gift to someone else.” Loki decided. “Villains do that to bargain with other villains, you know. We do have friends…usually.”

           “I’ll call Jean, see if I can get a list of Stryker’s enemies. Long list, but it’s a start.” Janet turned on her heel and Hank followed. “I’d say Magneto is at the top next to Charles Xavier. Which one might want the rest of him, hm?”

           “Something in his palm,” Bucky pointed to the fist and dropped the card on the table. Bruce was carefully prying it open. Jane picked up the postcard to observe it with Thor and Loki on either side to see over her shoulders.

           “Picture of heavenly clouds. Says everyone needs a guiding hand.” Jane made a face when Tony smirked, shaking his head.

           “What’d she write? I see her handwriting on the other side.” Natasha pointed and Jane turned it over.

           “ _The devil makes use of lost hands._ ”  

           “Isn’t the expression,  _the devil makes work for idle hands_?” Bucky’s brow came together and Tony sighed.

           “Butchered expression, it’s her.” He commented. “What’s in the hand besides the smell stinking up my lab?”

           “Mr. Stark, you forgot to sign…oh…” Mary Jane covered her nose when she entered. “Ah, what’s that?”

           “Present from Mrs. Loki.” Tony gestured and Loki narrowed his eyes at that.

           “Who taught her to give gifts?” M.J. covered her lips and nose when Peter offered her his hoodie.

           “Present company,” Bucky nodded his head to Loki, earning another annoyed look before Loki scrunched his face.

           “A rock?” Bruce called attention when a damp stone half covered in green slush slipped out of the hand.

           “She carved up the inside of the palm to look like her burn,” Loki spread the fingers.

           “Why the stone?” Thor remarked. “Is she alluding to what happened to her in the past?”

           “Could be from the beach near her location.” Jane shook her head. “Could…she be drawing us to her?”

           “Or setting a trap.” Sam touched his chin. “Maybe the part of her we know is still in there…fighting. I don’t know.”

           “Hard not to get your hopes up,” Bruce finished.

           “Is that algae on the rock?” Mary Jane inquired and Peter looked up. “You know there’s over ten thousand types? They’re diverse and unique.” Everyone turned to her and she shrugged, smiling. “I liked marine biology in high school. Gwen convinced me to take it with her as a filler so I learned a lot with her there.”

           “You’re a genius.” Peter smacked his lips to her cheek, turning. “If we identify it, we might be able to narrow down where she is, hopefully near a beach.” Everyone moved at once. “This means you guys have to keep us around longer?”

           “Let’s not go that far,” Tony led him and M.J. off, signing the pad in her hand as they went with Rhodey. Bruce was bagging the hand with Natasha dropping ice into it while Loki peered at Thor and Jane next to him.

           “You think we’ll find her?” Thor frowned.

           “She might find us. Either way.” Loki crossed his arms and shifted into Ava. “I’m eager to find out. Now, excuse me. I have business.”

           “You?” Jane inquired.

           “Don’t act so surprised, Jane.” She addressed her. “Of course, I’m running my own investigation. You think I’d trust the Avengers to so much as make a proper bowl of cereal? No.”

           “Do behave, sweet sister,” Thor took Jane’s hand in his and shifted to go. Loki felt something twist into her heart while she watched them.

           “On your orders, big brother.” The room emptied and Loki moved to grab her coat.

           “Feeling nostalgic?” A little grey child paced to her side. “Perhaps, you’re uncertain.”

           “Whatever would I be uncertain about?” Loki found herself speaking in return.

           “You don’t know in your heart which side she’s on. I do.” Grey giggled. “I could tell you but it would take away the fun. He whispered his plan into my ear when her back was turned. You’ve rediscovered humanity at the end of the Earth, Loki. Now, it is my turn.”

           “Never forget your creator, you smug little witch.” Loki roused a louder laugh at the name and smirked at the child.

           “Oh, maybe you forgot,” Grey lifted to her face. “The most important detail in all this… I created her to protect me. Remember? You were there. I watered her and let her grow so tall, she pushed me out.”

           “You wanted to die and she smothered you because you ran both of you ragged. You created something false and beautiful to survive and you believed in it so much that it consumed you. You can’t blame her for that. You can’t blame anyone for hoping so hard. Why is it you latched to my brain? Did she send you?”

           “You’ll see.” Grey smiled. “You’ll see when it’s too late. She altered reality but destinies can remain unchanged.” Loki opened her mouth to question the little vision and was alone again, sighing.

           “Don’t I always?”

** ** **

           “I did not expect to see you again so soon.” Magneto beckoned when I strutted in with Psylocke and a covered box floating behind us.

           “I promised you and everyone here a gift.” I lowered the box and ripped the shroud off. Stryker was alive and cramped into a cage for an animal. “I always deliver.” Magneto’s lips curled just slightly when he shifted forward. “You do not have to say if you like it. I believe everyone in this room knows William Stryker. I do apologize, I wanted to bring him in one piece but, alas, I needed an extra hand with something and he was kind enough to volunteer.” I smiled and Psylocke peered at me.

           “I’m happy to linger and explain the details.” She finished.

           “You have our full attention.” Magneto touched the cage. “Hello, William. I don’t allow terrorists in our place of security but for you like this, I can make an exception.” The metal crunched and the cage shrank, causing Stryker to scream into a gag. “Now, now. Not so fast. Everyone here is eager to speak with you.”

           “He’s all yours to try and punish. It only seemed fair. Psylocke will answer any and all questions. She can help find your way to my associate because he’d really like to meet you. I carved coordinates into Stryker’s chest just in case so be sure to burn those off before you get rid of him. I hope our business relationship will only grow from here.” I leaned down to Stryker’s cage. “Goodbye, William. I’d say that you should say hi to Jason for me. But, I don’t think you’re going to the same place.” I tapped the bars, winking before I got up and turned only to swivel back. “Hell. Just to be clear. I think you’re going to burn and rot in hell. Okay, bye now.” I blew a kiss and waved before I about skipped out in a hurry and started to bring my hood up. Rain beat down and I stilled, dropping my hood to let it wash over my face while I rose up toward the stars, cleansed somehow.

** ** **

           “They didn’t like my package?” I gulped Asgardian liquor.

           “It was a little shocking.”

           “Says Loki, Prince and God of Mischief. Self-proclaimed master of the dark arts. I’ve watched and helped you dissect many creatures in your studies.”

           “I didn’t say I was shocked. The smell was horrid. Is he alive?”

           “You know I’m not sure anymore. I  _handed_  him off.” I raised my brow. “It’s funny. Laugh, darling.”

           “Dial back the hand puns.”

           “You should really  _hand_  it to me, I’m good at what I do.” I lifted my lips and watched Loki smirk with more force than necessary before he reached over to fill my glass.

           “The clue was clever.”

           “Doing what I can to help my team.” I peered at the news playing across from us both. “I’m losing it, Loki. He’s everywhere and I’m enjoying it and I can’t even say that I don’t want to enjoy it. I try to focus on you and my friends. He’s pulling me in and I’m pulling back, only partly to keep him tricked.”

           “You need someone on the inside to anchor you. You could tell Frost.”

           “Emma would be found out and killed. I can’t put that on her. I can’t risk her life for mine. Apocalypse handles the team, they’re his disciples…not mine.”

           “Then, you need someone to anchor you who doesn’t know it.” Loki replied and the television cut in with a louder report.

           “ _Breaking news, as the Avengers finally put the chase on the villain vigilante, the second Green Goblin. Known for terrorizing Oscorp…_ ”

           “I think I found my disciple.” I touched my lips. “You want a show, darling?”

           “Sweetheart,” Loki began before I was out the window. The rain was mist on my face while I shot into the heart of the city and whirled around buildings until I saw the colored lights. The mess of supers and helicopters. Someone called my name and I snapped around before a beam of light sent Jane spiraling into Hank.

           “Heard you guys were all in town. I needed something.” I pinpointed Thor and dashed toward him, swooping him up around the torso while he kicked.

           “I will not fight you.” Thor grunted when the chase was on. “I wanted to tell you…I’m so sorry. Please, come home.”

           “You’re neglecting a duty and it’s killing the world.” I heaved him up by his neck. “It’s coming, Prince Thor. Perfect little heir.” Surrounded, my old team could not approach while I had my hands on Thor. He grasped my wrists and cried out while I searched his head for something to ensure it was there. “Ah, I found you. You truly are a son of Odin. I will return for you.” I cast him backwards and a crippling scream roused my soul to full attention when I dipped down to see Harry Osborn crash into the top of a building. Bucky had shot his glider down and he was quickly approaching with Peter. Too quick, I was there first. “Harry. You and I are at a crossroads.” I took his chin to focus him, his health was declining again for the last time. “I told you our paths would cross yet again. You can come with me and be clean and healed now and forever. But, the real choice is whether you decide to stay with me or go and lose yourself in this world. Both are fair. What do you want, Harry Osborn?” His eyes flickered over my face before he sealed his fate.

           “You. I want to go with you.”

           “No biting,” I pricked my finger on his blade and cradled his head to slip it into his mouth. Harry grasped for my arms and his eyes rolled back before the blades on his arm cut into my other wrist and blood dripped to the ground. Smiling, a portal opened and took us both with it.

           “You brought a human.” Apocalypse sounded truly annoyed.

           “Heal him. Make him strong again.”

           “He is to die. Why change that?”

           “Do it for me,” I came up on my knees in the sand. “Fix him. Fix his suit and glider. Make him strong.”

           “No.”

           “I need him!” I growled, eyes glittering. “Make him strong and I’ll give you something in return when the time calls.”

           “I see. You wanted a pet.” He drew closer.

           “…Yes.”

           “He does not interfere. He stays in your chambers and out of the way of his betters. If he serves you faithfully, he will be judged with an open hand.”

           “Fix him.”

           “Humans are beyond fixing.” Apocalypse turned. “Bring him inside.” I carried Harry while his glider floated behind us and got odd looks from everyone indoors. “There.”

           “I told you I’d put you back together.” I whispered, touching Harry’s soft hair. “I’ve no need for the goblin. But, I think I could do well with a raven instead.”

           “Hold him still.”

           “I will give you what you want, Harry. But, you will give as well. You will be sober and ready to stand at my side. Let me see you through this, and you will know wonders beyond this world.” Harry watched my gaze until he was blinded before his eyes closed as he muttered.

           “Life at last.”

** ** **

           “She did not harm me, stop the fuss.” Thor crossed his arms while Loki healed the bruise on his neck with Jane behind him, hand on his shoulder.

           “I arrived too late. I saw the battle on T.V. and glimpsed her.” Loki sighed, eyes elsewhere. “Ava seduced an off duty scientist who worked for Stryker. Knocked him out and searched for clues of enemies. Nothing.”

           “It was Magneto she was offering him to. Charles revealed Magneto’s location and…he disappeared.” Natasha looked up as Janet finished.

           “Seems she’s two steps ahead of us. But, we have the algae…that might get us something.”

           “You notice the way she stopped when she had Thor?” Natasha tapped her pen onto the desk, sitting back.

           “A child screamed and she flocked to help.” Bucky replied, cleaning the weapon in his hand.

           “Think we can get her to do it again?” Tony stood up, flipping over files on a screen hanging down.

           “I’d bet her life and mine on it.” Loki’s lips curled into a smile and he subtly looked up at Peter Parker slipping out a window above.

           “We might have an ace in the hole too.” Tony flipped the screen to show his many Iron Man suits.

           “She’d tear into those like tissue paper.” Sam offered. “Sorry, man,”

           “Offense taken, though you’re right…but the main thing about my little entourage. They don’t have souls.” Tony spread his arms out. “Line up for kisses now, team.”

           “Hard pass, but this is good.” Sam touched the screen. “Real good.”

** ** **

           “Where are we?” Harry walked down the beach, looking at himself now in the rising sun.

           “Surprised you’re up. He did good work. You’re strong. Healed. It's been a long battle.”

           “I feel…whoa.” He sighed. “You saved my life again.”

           “You prayed and I answered at long last.” I turned to watch the sunrise. “You’re going to help me save this world and the next, Harry.”

           “What about your friends?”

           “These people are my people now.” I clasped my hands behind my back and looked up at the approaching jet before I smiled. “Soon, you will understand. I built his followers and now the realm will rest, they can do nothing else. You stay by my side. You cannot be touched because you’re under my protection. He knows what will happen if you’re harmed.” The jet landed and I smiled when Psylocke came out, leading Magneto, Mystique, and Pyro.

           “Welcome.”

           “You have us for your cause. I’d like to meet this Apocalypse.” Magneto would be the fourth.

           “Of course, he’s been waiting to give you all something.” I bowed my head and led them inside. Nur was already waiting with Angel and Emma. Psylocke joined them and I approached. “Just as I said.”

           “I would speak with them alone. Meditate until I call for you.”

           “Yes,” I didn’t resist this time. I needed it. “Harry.” He followed without words through gold doors. “That bed is yours. There is fresh food and water on my desk.”

           “What are we going to do?”

           “All in good time.” I dropped my hands, eyes locked to his. “I have to show my face. At last.”

** ** **

           “Is this because I displeased you with the mortal?” I crossed my arms.

           “No.” En Sabah Nur did not turn from the window.

           “You need me dearly but I am not allowed to go out now that I’ve built your followers. Spread your teachings.”

           “You misunderstand.” He turned and lifted one finger in a chiding motion. “Your purpose. Your mission. Sets you apart. You are my most trusted apostle. You must go and do what we discussed.”

           “You’re testing me to ensure I’m truly on your side.” I watched his colors glitter and gleam within his chest.

           “I do not believe you are easily swayed by the words of your former lover. Do you?”

           “I am not.”

           “Have they spoken to you?”

           “The Norns merely watch and admire. Like you.” I lifted my eyes to his face. “You’ve never been with someone who possesses my predisposition for empathy. If we are to keep to trust, I want to know there is something inside you holding me that is not superficial.”

           “I’ve extended your vision.”

           “En Sabah Nur. Apocalypse. You were a slave once. But briefly. Now you are the first god among stars. Once I was afraid to fall so I learned to fly. I had connections and you lost yours under a wave of followers kneeling to kiss the earth that once touched your feet. Was there ever a name given that was affectionate? From someone who knew you are more than a mutant with vision. A name that I could call you to remind us both that I am not your underling. But, your equal.” He stared with that same peculiar expression. “Couldn’t let yourself have a friend, could you?”

           “What would you suggest for such a level of intimacy?”

           “It could be simple.” I shrugged, eyes turning behind him. “Something that stems from your many names. Cal. En. Anything.”

           “En.”

           “It was just an example. Do you like it?”

           “Yes.”

           “…Then, I’ll call you En.” I nodded once. “Two days’ time. I’ll do what needs to be done. They will resist.”

           “They will bend.” He’d assured me. “After, you will deliver my message to the world. You’ll reach everyone and then we will put the weak where they belong so the strong can begin to flourish once again. So natural order can be restored.”

           “While we toil, something more will come for the Earth. I saw it just beyond you in my visions before we met.”

           “You cannot change the order of fate.” En looked at me and I watched him for a beat before I was lax.

           “It’s all coming together. Just like you promised me.”

           “I would never break my word to you.” En shook his head. “You are everything. You will rise beyond every height. Every barrier that once held you down. You will be free and whole. You will know peace and happiness again. Soon.”

           “I believe you, En.”

** ** **

           “It’s all coming together,” Loki resisted touching my face in our last short hours together. “Focus and be strong. You can do this, sweetheart.”

           “I have to.” I was sweet and reassuring. Haunted. Gone. “There can be no other end.”

** ** **

           “We have a match and you’re not going to believe it.” Bruce walked in and hurried to turn the surface of a desk on. “Recognize the beach?”

           “That’s… _oh_ ,” Jane stood to see it while everyone looked on.

           “Where you picked up the hammer.” Thor spoke for everyone. “Where I…”

           “It wasn’t your fault, Thor,” Natasha put her hand on Thor’s shoulder while she passed and he appreciated that much. Often now, they were hesitant to touch him. To approach him. “We came together as a team there. Why would she lead us to it?”

           “Might as well find out,” Sharon decided.

           “If it is alright, I think I should stay.” Thor began again, head spinning. “Take Loki in my place.”

           “Thor, I need you.” Loki confessed.

           “No, you don’t. And that’s a wonderful thing, brother. Our parents are sending the Warriors Three and Sif here very soon. I need to meet them and update them on our situation fully. Go and find out what you need to. Find my best friend if you can. There is good in her, please remember that. Even if you find it hard to believe…the things she will do. There is always hope and there is good alive inside of her. There is a reason to every little thing she does and will do. We could not see that before and we paid dearly. Do it for me.” Thor tried hard not to plead so they accepted, Tony beckoned for everyone to go.

           “We’ll get her back.”

** ** **

           Rain was falling again under a bright grey sky while Thor pressed keys into a piano. He recalled his mother’s hands. Delicate fingers that he’d seen end lives, creating such a beautiful sound. He remembered an assassin in the garden. Frigga in a beautiful gown. Loki crawling all over the dirt castle Thor had made and ruining it. His Queen mother lifted her hand, magic splattered blood all over the gold roses and the two children. Thor heaved little Loki up and ran into the palace behind a row of guards, rocking the wide eyed toddler in his arms. Loki never cried when the world was loud and violent. He screamed and wept more so when he was alone and untouched. A chubby, abet tiny thing. Thor decided it best to carry him everywhere after that day.

           Thor liked the days at the piano the best. Loki would clutch the bottom of her dress and snuggle there until Thor picked him up in his arms to sit next to mother and watch her play for hours. The days were grey like this. Loki would suck his thumb and tug at Thor’s locks before tapping keys, interrupting mother’s song. She always laughed and smiled, holding her boys close to cover their faces in kisses.

           So, Thor played and he didn’t stop. He closed his eyes when they watered. While he remembered running and spinning around in hallways with a much older Loki and the woman he would come to love. Fandral and Sif always joined in, racing out to the training grounds to meet Volstagg and Hogun. Mjolnir was weightless in his fingers, singing only for him at the time. He recalled every moment in Asgard. Every moment that would lead to this hour. So, he didn’t move when arms slid around his shoulders.

           “Am I really your best friend?” Her voice was melodic and beckoning. Thor opened his eyes and didn’t stop playing. Fingers slipped around his throat and up his jaw.

           “Yes.”

** ** **

           “See anything yet?” Bucky called across the way.

           “Checking the cave now.” Natasha replied. “I don’t get it. There’s nothing remotely abnormal. No readings. It’s empty here.”

           “Keep looking,” Sam joined her and Tony. Loki paused when he saw Grey high on the cliff, her lips curled up at him.

           “There has to be something,” Loki hurried forward, eyes scanning the water washing upon the shore. His heart was a trapped butterfly dying inside a glass jar.

           “Loki,” Tony beckoned, reaching to point at something shiny and hanging from a jagged rock in the cave wall. Unable to bear it, Loki swallowed and grasped the key hanging from a necklace with two rings joining it. His and Thor’s. A rolled parchment fell to his feet and he tried to breathe evenly with trembling fingers.

           “We were tricked.” Loki smashed the letter into his hand and let it fall to the floor when he realized his worst fears. “ _Thor_ …” He rushed out into the wind and screamed her name toward the sky. Water froze against the rocks while his echo reverberated. Natasha picked up the letter to read the words before looking away, pushing it into Tony’s hands so she didn’t have to feel her emotions heat.

            _And you always thought that you would have the last laugh._

_-Ha_

           “I’m calling Thor now,” Jane was fumbling with a phone. “It’s ringing.”

** ** **

           “Hi, Jane.” I answered, rummaging through a fridge. “Can you tell Tony the tower is out of milk?”

           “Where is Thor?” She turned on the image of her face and I obliged.

           “Relax, he’s right here with me.” I moved so she could see his back. “Did you know he plays piano? Took me thousands of years to find out. He’s really good.”

           “Let me talk to him.” She inhaled and I watched the beach behind her, my friends gathering.

           “Thor, do you want to speak with them?” I asked.

           “This is between us,” Thor turned, eyes normal. “My friends, let me do this.”

           “He doesn’t want to talk to any of you right now.” I shrugged. “Might be because you all looked at him like he was a monster for the past year or so and pretended things were peaches. I know it wasn’t your intention but let’s face it, intentions don’t matter as much as we think they do. Cause and effect, now that is more important.” Loki urged my name and Jane handed the screen over.

           “Do not do this. Please, not him. Not Thor.” Loki was begging. “Not my brother.”

           “Thor isn’t worried, I’m not sure why you are so jilted. I’m just visiting. Love what you’ve done with the place, Tony.” I picked an apple up from the counter and began to eat. “You could rush here. But, gosh, I’ll be long gone and you’re hours away. There might be another reason but, damn, I just cannot remember it yet. Let me know when we meet again. Oh, just remember when you’re face down in the sand…I warned you all. Be sure to look up before the sky falls, you might miss it. Something bigger than us both as woken. Nothing ends.” I hitched and laughed. I laughed maniacally and the camera shook before it was tossed out the window. “Goodbye, my friends.”

** ** **

           Emma Frost stood atop a cliff and looked at the heroes below while Magneto, Psylocke, Mystique, Pyro, and Angel framed behind her. She smiled and nodded at them.

           “We’re not to kill them. Slow them down. Send a message. Her orders.”

           “Should not be an issue.” Magneto lifted his hand and the jet shook before the wings folded unnaturally to contort. Psylocke jumped and Angel caught her before they both flew down with the rest joining.

** ** **

           “It was a trap, Avengers, go now!” Sam’s wings opened before he clashed with Angel.

           “What have you done?” Loki watched, eyes wide while the chaos unfolded. “Was this what you felt? Is that…what you want from me?”

           Grey pointed up toward the sky and when Loki looked then gazed back, she was gone.

** ** **

           “Are you to kill me?”

           “Kill you? We’re best friends, why would I do that?” I sat down and he stopped playing. “Do you ever dream of holding Mjolnir again and feeling normal?”

           “Mjolnir did not make me who I was. I did that. The stones are not making you who you are. We chose because we wanted to do the right thing. Maybe we still are. I used you in Asgard, I did. You asked me to.”

           “You didn’t disappoint.” I sighed. “Not that often. You’ve endured a great pain to be Thor. To be the heir and perfect prince. To be my friend and to be a hero. But, you’ve neglected the deal the Norns require. The deal Odin made once so long ago. And his father before him. You’re going to go to sleep, Thor, for a little while. And the power of your soul will benefit this realm and the next. You’ve felt the pull.”

           “Yes, since I lost Mjolnir.”

           “It doesn’t have to ache, you know.”

           “I’d rather it ached. I’d rather feel pain than nothing.” Thor touched my face, one fingertip skimming down a scar. “You understand.”

           “Always.”

** ** **

           “One moment, class,” Ororo picked up her phone when it rang, “go ahead and start your papers. Yes, hello? Natasha?”

           “Ororo! We need…We need help. Now!”

           “Natasha, where are you? What’s going on?” Ororo turned from her students and heard a battle behind the static of her voice.

           “Storm, what’s going on?” Kitty got up from her seat.

           “Class dismissed.” Ororo was rushing out already when the call abruptly ended. "Jean!"

           “Bobby, get Parker on the phone.” Rogue hurried as their group gathered their things. Kitty tossed her books into her backpack, running off.

           “I’ll call M.J.”

** ** **

           “Are you comfortable?” I asked, tucking Thor into bed. He’d taken my hand and come so willingly with kind words. He didn’t want to fight. He accepted what was to be. There was no choice. “It won’t be long now.”

           “Will you stay with me until it starts?”

           “Of course, I will.” I brushed hair from his face.

           “I know I cannot stop what will happen to me. But, please. Do not hurt the team. My brother. The X-Men. You can come back from this.”

           “No, I cannot. They’ll line up to watch. Apocalypse must know that I am his completely. I’m going to be the savior.”

           “You already were.” Thor’s lip trembled and I stroked his face, hushing him. “Maybe you know something worse is in store for you. You can tell me. You can let me help you.”

           “You did help me, Thor.” I smoothed his hair again while prickles of golden light opened up in thick streams to shine down on heated skin. “I saw us lose, you know. I felt every death…and Odin. He… But, it does not matter any longer. I’m right where I’m fated to be. Just like you. You helped me realize that even the purest soul can be forced to bend. I cannot have that.”

           “What of your soul?” Thor’s eyes were heavy.

           “My soul was never mine. It belonged to another and then it belonged to everyone. Sacrifices must be made. You know this as well as I.”

           “Don’t become what he wills you to be.” Thor closed his eyes to breathe even, one hand lifted to press against my heart and I touched his fingers. “Remember the person you truly are…honor that before anyone else.”

           “I cannot,” I breathed. “Not yet at least.”

           “You’re trying,” Thor attempted a smile. “There you are. You won't let these beings take everything from you. That has always been your strength.”

           “Goodnight, Thor.” I watched him fade and heard the crash of multicolored light atop the tower. Four souls. Curled into Thor, I let them find us and hushed them when they broke the door down. “Shh, he’s sleeping. Quite peacefully.” Sif spoke my name first and I sat up, arm outstretched to stop their tracks.

           “The reinforcements.” I stood, unhinging myself from this world while I grinned wide. “Hogun, congratulations on the baby. A little girl. One can only dream of how it fills your heart.”

           “Stop this.” He gritted his teeth.

           “Volstagg,” I set my hands on my hips before I took the staff from my back. “My favorite burly warrior. I bet Gudrun is as radiant as ever.”

           “What have you done to him?” Sif tried to lift an arm to Thor. Fandral stared at my eyes in shock, aching so deep in his chest.

           “Thor? Oh, he’s sleeping. Just like his King father. It was inevitable, I just spun the wheel of fate and saw where it landed. He’s much happier, look at him. You didn’t see what Thanos did to our heir. He needs rest.”

           “My lady.”

           “Fandral. Just as handsome as I recall the last I saw that face. You think that you are here to help but you will only get in the way. Do not-”

           “You fool.” Sif heaved. “You damned fool. You’re better than this.”

           “Yes, I know.” I exhaled pure bliss, eyes aflutter with light. “You look so well, Sif. I’ve missed your counsel.”

           “I would never wish to see a world where Loki is in the right but you are not.”

           “You’re lost, Sif, because you followed blind leaders.” I recited.

           “I’ve never lost a battle to you in Asgard, you think your chances are better now? You think we won't knock you on your ass like we always did back home.” She seethed, fingertips twitching. A year ago, that might have hurt me.

           “I recall one you lost.” Sound exploded and sent them in different directions while I kicked the window in to jump out and fly up. They pursued as one, leaping and swinging weapons as I veered into another entrance to get back inside. Hogun caught up first and kicked me across a wood floor. Volstagg grabbed for my arms and missed as I evaded.

           “Surrender, we’re to bring you before the King!” Sif ordered, pushing me through a wall and landing to place a dagger at my neck. I laughed, swinging my staff around to blast Fandral backwards behind her. “You’re alone and outnumbered.”

           “Alone?” I mocked. “You’re under the unfortunate impression heroes are the only ones with friends...” A globe rolled inside and I roughly sent Sif off me before it exploded. Outside again, I flew with Harry around the building on his sleek black glider and suit. Made at my request from En.

           “Plan?”

           “The lab.” I nodded, blasting my way into the Tower. Volstagg turned a corner and spun for me before I kicked him down the stairs into everyone else. “Come and get me!” Harry and I split while I bounded around the long staircase to the right floor.

           “You’re surrounded!” Hogun warned. “Nowhere to go.” I watched them line up and stilled, breaking with more amusement.

           “Look at you all, bursting in so late. Frigga would not open the bifrost for Thor. But, she did for me. How special I feel.” I set my hands out and stood my staff aside.

           “What have you done, my friend? Who has gotten into your head?” Volstagg beseeched me but I was flying higher. “Come with us.”

           “My friends. All together again here with me. To witness the rebirth. To witness me. It’s all so  _beautiful_.” My eyes watered with tears of glee on the brink of insanity. It unsettled their souls so. “If only my stepfather could be here to witness what he threw aside. If only my mother could see me now. The most tragic thing about parents is how many would rather their children pretend to be happy. But, I…oh, I get to see Asgardians and mortals brought together in this brave new world.” Harry tossed a smoke bomb and I dodged, scepter lifting to send Volstagg then Hogun into the cell meant for the Hulk. Sif grabbed my wrist and we locked eyes. “I always wondered what it would be like to best the great Lady Sif in battle. Yet, I feel nothing… _Nothing.”_ I picked her up over my head with a mighty scream and tossed her four floors down. Fandral cried out and lunged, tackling me.

           “That’s enough!” We both heaved for air. “This isn’t you. This isn’t my lady.”

           “But, it is me, Fandral.” I furrowed my brow and my eyes shifted to brown. “It is me… Help me.”

           “Yes, I can help you. Please, let me.” Fandral took me into his arms and I held him, hands sliding up his back before he went rigid and ripped away from my grasp. He held his head and looked up, gnashing his teeth while I stood, picking up my scepter. “Why are you doing this? We love you.”

           “That is why I must do this.” I watched him stumble to his feet. Volstagg and Hogun beat on the walls behind us. Sif was passed out below. Harry lowered behind Fandral and I turned to go.

           “No, you’re not leaving!” Fandral charged, sword flying forward to cut into my shoulder instead at the last second because he could not kill me. So I spun, the orb of my scepter smacked him backwards. I held the cut and watched the blood in my hand drip to the floor.

           “I am leaving.” My eyes shifted back before the portal opened. “I am finished here. It is done.”

           “You leave them alive as well?” En gestured, appearing from the lights. “And the Avengers.”

           “They are strong and others look to them. I will not kill symbols.” I countered with rare ferocity. “We need witnesses. From both worlds and I get to choose, not you. They will suit us.”

           “Who are you?” Fandral got to his feet again and Apocalypse watched him rage before the floor shifted, wrapping around his legs to trap him there. Aimless, I turned with Harry going ahead while En led us back into the portal. “Do not go with him! Look at me!” I turned and gave him what he wanted. Fandral lifted his sword, tight in his hand and his expression of anger trembled to anguish. So, I pushed him as hard as I could.

           “Forgive me, Fandral. He is my family.” I tore into him.

            _“So was I.”_  Fandral choked on his words, tried to harden himself while the tears flooded. I watched him raise his sword higher and look into my eyes with endless pools rippling in his. Teeth mashed and Fandral shook, blade faltering when it lowered again. I was unmoved. I think I was at least. I just stared while he came undone and tried to mourn me within the span of ten seconds that unraveled the fabric of time between us both. My best and oldest friend. Falling apart. And I…I was just watching it. I’d seen evil. I’d committed evil. But, this was the first time I’d felt that evil swirl along my heart with such force while I watched Fandral the dashing-Fandral, my friend-weep openly at the loss of me with hope burning to ash. I’d done it.

           My entire soul detached apart. Just like I’d planned. It didn’t hurt. Not badly. I felt a child in grey slipping and tumbling away from me and I didn't try to catch her. I needed to put her somewhere else in full. For a little while.

           “Come.” Apocalypse beckoned and I faced him.

           “Is this worth the loss?” Fandral stopped me in my tracks and my brow lifted when I touched a name.  _Steve_. “Is it worth it to throw everyone you love away? To go against every single thing you strived to be. The things you taught countless others who were lost.”

            _I’ll let you know if we live._

           “New lesson, Fandral. Stay out of my way.” I stepped across the boundary and into the sand. Avengers littered the beach in various beaten states. Loki was trying to crawl so I turned him over with my foot.

           “ _I loved you_.” He cracked, green eyes swirling with pain and wide like saucers. Betrayal touched them. A betrayal I knew well once.

           “You were really good at it too.” I confessed, lips lifting. Apocalypse was beckoning Emma and the others into the portal before I bent down to Loki and dipped two fingers into the blood dripping down his chin. One motion down each cheek marked him and his eyes went wider at me.

           “Do what you must, then.” Loki licked his lips when I cupped his jaw and got closer.

           “You could bring me the Tesseract.” I gave a pout.

           “No.” Loki swallowed. “Thor would not want me to…no matter what becomes of him now.”

           “Maybe one day…you will  _thank_  me for it.” I kissed him and Loki whimpered, lips opening when I subtly blew smoke between them. I looked down at my fingernails when my brain unfurled. They changed color. As many sorcerer’s do. Not to the stark black of Loki’s. Rich red at the cuticle faded to a beautiful orange. Like the rising and falling sun. “Soul stone.” I sighed he shuddered. “Of course. And the Aether would have licked my skin apart. But, even before the stones. My soul was expanded. Increased. The little dead child. We carried them both well. Thank you, Loki. Do look after her.”

           “They’re leaving,” Harry beckoned behind me and my fingers traced down Loki’s chin.

            _Hear me, sweetheart?_  I nudged.

            _Yes._ Loki’s eyes blazed into mine.

_Listen well for my song._

           “Yes. I am coming. It’s over.”

** ** **

           “We have done it. Effortlessly.” I stood at the head of a room and looked up at the steps everyone had been seated on. Harry curled up in the back corner and En joined me down in the center.

           “You say that you can reach everyone without the power of Cerebro?” Mystique inquired and Apocalypse answered.

           “Yes, she can with me.”

           “However, I can only control those in my immediate field. My range is far but I cannot control the entire world at once. Thor’s soul will help give me the power to do so but I’ll need one more thing.” I looked to En and Magneto commented.

           “Have care. When you reach out, Charles will feel it and try to find you instead. He’ll sink.” He watched En stare at me, pleased before speaking.

           “Precisely.”

** ** **

           “We must do it today.” I watched the dark sky, unnaturally grey and pink before the morning sun could fully snuff out the moon and the rest of the stars

           “Eager?” Psylocke finished cleaning her sword and sheathed it.

           “She’s pouting about her sad team face down in the dirt.” Emma spoke. “Don’t pretend it didn’t crush you a little.”

           “He won’t like it if you’re having second thoughts.” Angel cocked his head and I chuckled.

           “Second thoughts? I recall going through with this just fine. Thor’s soul is strong. You feel it in the air? It will help us get what we need. What the world needs.” I walked along with them at my side and Harry appeared out of an arch, pacing down the short hill.

           “Your pet. Come out for once.”

           “Play nice, Angel. The terrible father orange doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

           “Don’t you mean apple?” Psylocke arched one brow.

           “Damn it,” I roused laughter and beamed to myself.

           “You know my father’s out there trying to cure mutants?” Angel scoffed, shaking his head. “Jokes on him now I guess while someone else is here making them stronger.”

           “You miss him?” Psylocke wondered aloud and Angel quickly shook his head a second time.

           “Wouldn’t make sense if I did. I hid and mutilated myself because of him.”

           “You are among friends now, Angel,” I took his face and he nodded. “Give me a moment to speak with Harry.”

           “Teach him a new trick,” Emma winked. “Impress us.” They went off and Harry lowered his head until they passed before he came to my side.

           “Peter wasn’t there on the beach.”

           “No, I imagine they’re trying to keep him out of this.”

           “Which means he’s causing trouble somewhere else.” Harry mused and I agreed, silent for a beat.

           “Are you all right with this, Harry?”

           “I’m here.” He offered, lips lifting. “What’s bothering you?”

           “I just wish to get this done,” I glanced up and saw what looked like a star flicker bright and dim. “The chance won’t come again.”

** ** **

           “Everyone, alright?” Tony had an ice pack on his neck and offered another to Natasha so she could nurse her shoulder.

           “Thanks.” Natasha sighed, leaning into the couch. “Wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Ororo and her group scraping us off the beach.”

           “We outnumbered them.” Jane hissed and Loki sucked his cheeks, crossing to heal a nasty burn on her arm with a healing stone while she grunted. “Little warning.”

           “You’re welcome. I have more coming.” Loki swerved without healing his own cuts and bruises, but she stopped him.

           “Loki, thank you.” Jane watched him turn with a softer expression.

           “Not like I have a choice in helping at this point, what with my brother in some variation of the Odinsleep and my wife on the other side of the veil.” Loki rubbed his wrist.

           “You have a choice, you’re making the right one,” Sam admitted, wincing at himself and Sif came in.

           “We’ve more stones and a few potions to offer,” she rounded Loki and they locked eyes as they circled each other.

           “My wife took you four down. The great Lady Sif and Warriors Three. Asgard's best.” Loki mocked. “After so many years of her being tripped into the dirt on Asgard’s training grounds and playing catch up with older warriors who liked to tease. Pride killer, I bet.”

           “She had help. Skinny mortal about as pale as you are. Not sure if he was an upgrade or not.” Sif replied with ease. “Nothing can be done about Thor until he wakes of his own accord.”

           “Sounds like Harry Osborn finally got what he wanted. Looked healthier than ever on those tapes.” Janet remarked, helping Hank repair his helmet while Bruce typed quick and quiet behind them. Tony peered at Bucky and offered him his ice pack.

           “I’m fine.”

           “You’re a damn liar, Barnes.” Tony pressed the pack to his jaw and Bucky relented. “What’s up on Sue’s end?”

           “She and Reed are…I don’t know, they can’t explain it yet. Something foreign is trying to breach the Earth’s atmosphere and they detected it but…they’re not sure. I’m looking at these readings now but it’s too early. Satellite just picked it up and it’s still too far to tell.” Bruce rubbed his eyes and sat back. “Last thing we need right now. Jane, can I get your opinion? This is more your thing, I got superheroes clogging up my email with all their problems.”

           “I can imagine. I…  _Wow_ …keep me in this loop, I’ll figure it out. You think it could be her?” Jane was behind him, leaning over to see the reading. “Hey, Sif, could this be from Asgard?”

           “They did not plan to send anyone else,” Sif joined her, pausing to look at Jane’s face. “You look well. Thor boasted of your skills in battle. I wish I could see them under better circumstances.”

           “I’m just glad you guys are here.” Jane beamed a little and Loki joined them to see the images.

           “Isn’t something I recognize in my…travels.” Loki stood straighter and adjusted his shirt. “Since Thor is…unable to now, I suppose I’m updating you and the Warriors Three on what has happened.” There was no joy in Sif’s tone when she replied and Loki had to remind himself this was not old times in Asgard.

           “ _Lovely_.”

** ** **

           “Stay back and if I tell you to run, jump on that glider and go as fast as you can to safety.” I fixed the armor over Harry’s wrist and he nodded.

           “What are you going to do?”

           “You know what I will do, I’m going to save the world today.” I cupped his face and kissed his head. “Stay back.”

           “All right.” Harry lingered while I climbed the rocks to join my group, on various levels surrounding Apocalypse.

           “I am ready.” I looked up and En pointed for me to sit down. Glancing down at my colored nails, I felt the soul stone shift from my head down my entire nervous system. He uttered my name and my lips opened to exhale as my eyes glowed brighter in response.

           “You will send a message to every living mind.” He began. “You will tell them that the weak will be purged from this Earth. That the strong must come out of hiding once and for all. You will tell them that it is I, En Sabah Nur, who wreaks this upon them. Then, you will rid them of the machines they hid behind. Now. Deliver my message.”

           “Yes.” I let his fingers shift down my face and tightened my hold on the rocks underneath me to stay level. My eyes flickered once to Harry and then to Emma. I looked at my new friends. I looked at En watching me, expanding me out. I felt Thanos’ soul on the other side of death watching me and I thought of that silver speck in the sky and readied to snuff it out completely.

           “Repeat what I say.” His voice echoed around me and I felt every soul stilling when we began. “A message to every man, woman, and mutant.”

           “A message to every man, woman, and mutant.”

           “You have lost your way.” En’s eyes went stark white while we locked together.

           “You have lost your way.”

           “But, I have returned.”

           “But, I have returned,” I went on, feeling myself branch and coil all over this Earth. I was running out of time.

** ** **

            _“The day of reckoning, it is here.”_  Loki was looking up at the sky when he felt her in the air. The Avengers were all still to hear, matching looks of horror on their faces. Bruce was trying to contact the X-Men, but they were ahead of him.  _“All your buildings and temples will fall.”_

           “How is she doing this?” Hank whispered, eyes widening.

           “It is him. The mutant.” Jane nodded.

            _“The dawn of a new era will emerge. For there is nothing you can do to stop what is coming. This message is for one reason alone. So that the strong will rise…”_

** ** **

           “Too long have you been bound to the Earth under your feet. No more…” I hitched a gasped when someone prodded.  _Charles_.  _You fool._

           “I know you can hear me,” he spoke in my brain. “Do not let them win. Those who brought you pain. Prove to them that you are better. Stronger. I feel your fear. I ask you to come home where you are loved and wanted. Bring them all home with you into a better community.”

           “Charles,” I spoke his name and the others all perked up. “Your words are inspired. But, I’m afraid now is not the time. You mean so well. Stay right where you are…and you will see what fate has offered us.” En’s fingers closed and rooted Charles’ mind into Cerebro. So, I delivered the rest on my own. “I want all of you. Those who have been tortured. Oppressed. Belittled. Those who suffer because you are seen as different. Abnormal. Treated like you are less for being the person you are. For the color of your skin. Your gender. Your disabilities. Who you love. Your mutation. Your soul. Those made to think that you are weak and forced to feel like you are nothing. Hear me now. You are strong. You are loved. You are under no obligation to give your thoughts and affections to your oppressors when they gave you none. You are not weak or terrible or equal to them for hating them. For wanting to bring them fire and pain. That rage you feel inside…it doesn’t put you on their level, it gives rise to the flames so that you may soar. Fight. Fight for yourself and others like you. Fight so that you have a chance. Hate them forever but never let it overcome who you are. Use this fire to burn them to the ground. You owe them nothing. So break your bonds and never give up. This hatred. This hope. It’s beautiful. It’s a part of you. Deny nothing. This is not their world, this is yours. So fight.” I felt the uproar of souls and slipped back before En’s fingers closed around my neck.

           “That…was not what we rehearsed.”

           “They need a guiding light to the dark waters before I can ferry them. Do it, finish this.” I touched his wrist and he didn’t squeeze. “Forgive me, Charles.” En’s voice overcame my head while he swallowed me down and spoke to every living human and mutant.

           “Thank you for letting me in,” he began and I saw the orange light of the soul stone reflecting into his eyes. “It is time for the weak to say goodbye to their superpowers.”

** ** **

           “Someone took control of Cerebro!” Jean was hurriedly hitting buttons, trying to turn it off. “I can’t get him out.”

           “Destroy it,” Charles grunted, eyes closing. “Scott, Ororo. Just destroy it!”

           Scott yanked off his glasses and a beam of red light ripped into the room.

** ** **

           “Holy shit,” Tony leaned over a monitor. “Hill, what’s going on?!” Red lights blared behind her.

           “Missiles are launching blindly all over the earth!” Hill was running down a hallway.

           “Who is turning the keys?” Tony urged to the screen and her reply shook them to the core.

           “The men and women holding them.”

** ** **

           “It’s always the same.” En went on and I closed my eyes to control myself. To feel the weapons launching. Unable to take souls. I used magic to coil out and aim them without his notice. “And now all this... No more stones. Not more spears. No more slings. No more swords. No more weapons! No more systems! No more! For I am Apocalypse…”

** ** **

           “Where are they going?” Jane covered her mouth and Sharon came into view to answer.

           “Straight up.”

** ** **

           I could not touch anything but souls. But, Apocalypse could link into technology. So I whirled into his soul and let that fill me. Every weapon. Pointed to one source outside this Earth. I felt Thor’s soul give me strength, easing my strain.

           “They put so much faith in their… tools and their… machines.” Apocalypse was distant to me, his voice grew to a battle cry of fury. “You can fire your arrows from the Tower of Babel. But you can never strike God!”

            _Want to bet on it?_

** ** **

           “All of them.” Janet shook her head. “All over the world. Some are detonating, satellites are down…they’re trying… We can’t just sit here.”

           “It’s done,” Bucky rubbed the stubble shadowing his jaw. “But, you’re right. I’m going out to find her and I’ll drag her home if I have to.”

           “Barnes, you’re still wanted in some circles. You can’t do this alone.” Tony got up.

           “She found me alone. I spent seventy years tracking down targets.” Bucky gathered his coat. “Send me the info you have.”

           “I’m going with him.” Loki stood. “You have your warriors, you want to be rid of me. I know her better than anyone.” A giggle sounded behind him.

           “ _Anyone_?” The grey child whispered and Loki shook her off his soul.

           “This is...weird. But, not like we have a choice. Go.” Tony waved his hand. “We’re trying to get more readings from Sue. Rhodey was on his way but he’ll be in meetings. Pepper’s coming, I think I’ll be sending her and M.J. somewhere safe. But, they’ll ignore me and manage Stark Industries better than I ever have.”

           “Danvers?” Janet suggested and Tony shrugged.

           “Yeah. See if I can get them safe for awhile at least.”

           “Bruce and I will stay with this. Whatever it is,” Jane looked up at Loki. “Find her. Thor isn’t going anywhere.” Fandral came down the stairs, no joy in his eyes.

           “The Queen, she gave me this letter to give to you.” He looked from Loki to the floor. “Why would she do this? Why would she turn on all of us after everything?”

           “I intend to find out.” Loki turned to go out, passing Bucky. “Saddle up, soldier.”

           “I guess I’m traveling with Loki. Not the strangest thing that’s happened to me.” Bucky paused. “You call Peter?”

           “He’s on his way,” Jane looked up. “Had something to do first. Go, we’ll call after you land.” Loki opened the letter carefully and traced his mother’s elegant writing.

            _“Loki, my son. If you are reading this, you’re not alone. Do not meet her eyes. Look beyond them. It is already in motion. Do not give up. She is lost but not gone. We love you.”_

** ** **

           Eyes closed, I expanded further. Over time and space. The explosions shook the great tree. I searched for remains. I know I hit it.

           “All will be revealed, child.” Apocalypse was still talking but my thoughts were louder.

           So, I soared. Laughing and weeping yet emotionless here on Earth.

           I know I hit it. It must have worked. It had to. I gave up everything for this moment.

           But, I felt a glimmer and then an electric shock that fizzled into my soul. The chrome star. The mighty void of a cloud behind it. My soul touched it and a thousand visions of fire and death scorched before I cried out and slipped backwards out of En’s grasp. It was totally dark for mere minutes until I opened my gleaming eyes to the sky and realized it with one breath.

           I’d failed.

** ** **

           “She has Harry, we have to work quickly. I have to…” Peter hunched over drawings and tools. “I think I’m close. We won’t know until works. I don’t have a chance to test it properly.”

           “It’ll work,” Rogue assured him. “We need a place now. A base or a lab. Somewhere to lure her.”

           “You know a place, Parker?” Kitty crossed her arms over the table. “Somewhere away from New York.”

           “I might.” Kurt raised his hand, coming forward. “I think it’s an hour or so away. When they stole me, they took us to this…warehouse with an underground basement. It is probably abandoned.”

           “None of us have permits and Spider-Man doesn’t exactly need to be driving. Web slinger.” Bobby motioned with his head and Peter shrugged.

           “And I’m poor.”

           “That too.”

           “Most of the vehicles have auto pilot functions now,” Jubilee smiled sweetly. “Think they’d notice if one went missing?”

           “Definitely. But, we’d be out of there before they did.” Rogue agreed. “Jean and Professor X have been too busy to bother reading minds. We can stay out of the way.”

           “Let’s focus on this. I’ll see if I can scout out this place when I get the chance, Kurt. I need to call M.J. and my aunt then get to the Avengers. You guys should head back before your professors notice.” Peter sighed. “Stay safe.”

           “Good luck on that exam, Parker.” Bobby gave his shoulder a pat and Peter huffed, fixing his glasses.

           “As if I’ve studied for that yet.”

** ** **

           “Electromagnetic pulses.” Sue was inches from the computer in front of her. “Sudden drop in temperature."

           “I’m going out to check on Alicia.” Ben’s steps vibrated as he shrugged on a long coat.

           “Stay in touch,” Reed set a coffee down in front of his wife.

           “Johnny, you see anything up there?” Sue put her cell on speaker and set it down.

           “No. I’m leaving my phone so I don’t char another one. I’ll get back to you.” Johnny replied just as the lights went out. Reed and Sue looked up, dread crossed their features. “Guys…the city went dark.”

           “Yeah, we got that. You might want to hurry out there. Be careful, Johnny.” Sue frowned.

           “I’ll try.”

** ** **

           I failed.

           I fucking failed.

           Eyebrows together, I stared down at the water until Emma touched my shoulder.

           “Shouldn’t you be celebrating the big win?”

           “Far from over.” I turned. “He says we have to wait. But, I feel the change. Mutants and pro mutant groups. Marching into the streets all over the world. Riots in the early morning. Something else. En wishes to work closely with you all in the coming days while this outbreak rages.”

           “And you?”

           “I’m going to go out and watch it for a while. I need to ensure everything went as planned. Not to worry, I’ll have Harry.”

           “Yeah, little goblin. You should be safe for sure.”

           “Did Magneto ever say what happened to Stryker?” I wondered aloud.

           “All I heard was that you might find a piece of him here or there. Asshole had it coming.” Emma shrugged.

           “Baron Von Strucker. Hydra. Crossbones. Stryker. Thanos. All taken care of.” I smirked to myself. “Leaves it open for another threat.”

           “Thought that was us, sugar.”

           “There’s always something worse out there, Lady Frost.” I kissed her cheek in parting. “I’ll be back soon, Emma. Watch your back.”

           “Always do.”

           “Watch it around  _him_.” I went up the beach toward an open door. “Harry. We’re going.”

           “Big guy wanted to speak with you before you left,” Pyro appeared around a corner and Harry paused next to me.

           “Wait for me outside.” I hurried up the steps and into his room where Magneto and Mystique turned to see me before they left without words. “En.”

           “How did it feel?” He looked up at me, motioning for me to walk with him. “To succeed where others have failed.”

           “Not over.” I did fail. It will come for all of us.

           “Only for now.”

           “I’ll return. I want to watch this phase unfold. My friends will look for me, it is best we part. I do not wish to endanger the others. This operation. You.” I stepped toward him.

           “They pose no threat to me.”

           “It is not wise to underestimate any piece on the board. Scarier men than you have done so…and it did not work out for them.” My fingers grazed his arm while I brushed against him.

           “I am not a mortal man.”

           “Your heart picks up when I touch you like one.” I whispered. The room around us was grand and huge but I gave him the intimacy of an enclosed space. Just us. He fell into it easily like many before him. “I shall return. Sooner than you think. Take care of your children. Your followers will only grow. You have to guide them. Protect them.”

           “There will always be casualties.”

           “If they think you are empty, they will leave you. They’ll stop believing. That hope you instilled will die.”

           “What is it you did just hours ago?” He countered.

           “And the result is what I predicted. The Avengers are losing faith in me. These mutants need hope. Security. Someone who will not sit down when they are knocked aside. Being an ally is not just about fighting and changing the behavior of strangers. It is about reflecting. It is about changing your own behavior and calling out those you might love for their ignorance. There is so much in the world. If we are to purge. We need what is left to not make the same mistakes.”

           “You forget that you can force it too.”

           “I shouldn’t have to.” I leaned up and kissed him. Hard. I put my arms around his neck. His soul crashed into flesh to touch mine. I let his confused hands roam my body when they gave into lust. My eyes opened in time to see Harry peeking through the ajar doorway. His eyes caught mine and he blushed red before hurrying off as I broke from En. “You’ll remember that for a while until I return. Goodbye, En.”

            _I failed. I failed. I did everything right…and I failed._ I parted from En, slipping out of his grasp while he touched his lips and did not turn to see me go out. _It was perfect. I was perfect. I miscalculated._ I wanted to spit fire.

           I wanted to destroy the world because it would not let me save it.

           But, I walked in my trance. Alone. Heels clicking. I walked like nothing was on my shoulders and let fate ferry me away.

** ** **

           “You sure no one will recognize us?” Bucky walked with Loki into an airport.

           “Ava is off the radar,” she turned, looping her arm into his. Bucky sighed and allowed it. “And no one will recognize your face with any software. Husband.”

           “I hate you.”

           “So sure?” Loki smirked, flicking her black hair behind her shoulder. “I remember a time when I made your eyes roll back before-”

           “You were barely involved. It was mostly her and I with you watching.”

           “Don’t pull the hetero three-way card, Barnes. It’s tacky. Don’t down play the effect I had on you both. We did things. Many things.”

           “Fine... Yeah, I guess. Where are we going?”

           “My wife always distances herself after such heart stopping events. She is sentimental. She will go off somewhere and recall better days. She will watch the world from the other side like a ghost and pretend she doesn’t exist to alleviate the pain.”

           “She’s different now.” Bucky replied and Loki saw Grey behind his shoulder grinning. She disappeared when a family passed in front of her. It was sudden, the urge to sob and collapse. Loki blinked and swallowed, unsure of where the emotions came from.

           “Something is very much the same.”

** ** **

           “Backup generators are going for the tower. I sent Rhodes and Pepper out to see what Stark Industries can do about the rest of the city. We’ll get the power back.” Tony paced into the room with a tray of cups. “Smoothies. Keep you guys alert.”

           “I kind of love you right now,” Natasha took one.

           “Only took a few years for my charms to work on you.” Tony put the tray down and crossed to sit near Fandral and Jane when Bruce got up.

           “Blackouts are all over the state. Temperature dropped fast. Too fast. I can’t predict where the source is but something definitely entered the atmosphere after those weapons disappeared.” Jane was pointing and flipping a hologram around. “Sam and Janet went out to help Johnny. Hank is looking out too. Bucky and Loki are on a plane to Europe.”

           “Could use a vacation.” Bruce ruffled his hair and sat on the other side of the desk. “Before the world ends.” He glanced down at his phone hidden in his lap, skimming over his contacts till he lingered on Betty. Exhaling, Bruce sat up and set his phone away, unable to let himself rest while the Earth was still falling apart.

** ** **

           “Janet, do you have eyes on Johnny?” Sue asked into the headset. “These readings are off the charts, Reed just got our power back on.”

           “Yes…Yes, we see him. There is… What is that?” Janet replied on her end. “It looks like a person but… Sam, you seeing this?”

           “Get closer.”

           “Johnny!” Janet called in a sudden gasp before the phone cut off.

           “Sue…” Reed beckoned her to the window. Sparks fizzed through the city. The window cracked down the middle and then it disappeared.

           “I’m going out there.”

           “I’m calling Bruce again.”

** ** **

           “This would be more romantic if I was with…literally anyone else.” Bucky crossed his arms while Loki ordered some coffee. “This is third on the list. We could miss her. We could be searching blind. It’s been days.”

           “Yes, well... We traveled a lot on our honeymoons.” Loki covered herself with an umbrella. Impeccably dressed. “I have words for her and I won’t stop until I deliver them.”

           “You’re talking in your sleep again.”

           “Watch television and ignore me.” Loki handed him a cup and they walked through mists of rain. “You could get your own room but…oh dear. Villainous Loki would be left alone. Mighty Avengers cannot have that.”

           “You sure you didn’t recognize that thing in the picture Jane sent? It hurt Johnny badly…he’s healing well but, I know it spooked everyone.”

           “It was…not of Asgard for sure. Not of any world I’ve seen. I’ve seen many.” Loki sipped. “It was sighted there then…Antarctica. Japan. Australia. It’s all over and fast, whatever it is. Blackouts. Odd and brief snow storms. I’d blame Thor if he wasn’t still asleep. Ever been to the Louvre, husband?”

           “Still not funny.” Bucky replied. “And no.”

           “You might enjoy it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that I had that planned for Harry Osborn since his first scene with the Lady and actually getting to it was satisfying as hell. Making Fandral cry was.......yikes. ((I was a lil salty that line in cw didn't have the weight it could have sorry)) So much foreshadowing and whatnot led to this phase and I am dead, I still can't believe I even made it here when I wrote this. Thanks so much guys and leave some word below about this last arc!!


	44. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new threat touches down. Friends on opposite sides face off in battle with ancient enemies from Asgard bleeding out. A masked ball brings former lovers together so they can touch common ground. Peter's team hatches a plan to catch the Lady once and for all.

           “You seem relaxed for once, Harry.” I turned to look at him. Between us was a somewhat life-sized status of a goddess Artemis with a loyal deer at her side.

           “Getting used to things again.” Harry peered back, we both dressed in designer clothing like we’d been on a lavish vacation. “All the fighting in the streets this week and suddenly it’s quiet again. People are watching closely. And those blackouts.”

           “I’ve been following it with care. I will find this being.” I turned and he followed me.

           “Which one is your favorite?”

           “Cupid and Psyche.” I smiled to myself and Harry watched my face. “Ask. You've a question on the tip of your tongue for a while now.”

           “Why…did you kiss him?”

           “I need him to remember and hope. A man does it once, he’ll do it again even if it starts to hurt. And it will.” I paced along. “Which do you like?”

           “My favorite isn’t here.” Harry paced. “There’s this sculpture bust Bernini did of Medusa. I always liked it, I don’t know why… I was here once on a vacation. There’s a piece that reminds me of you.  _Liberty Leading the People_.” He led me to a row of paintings. “That one.”

           “I remember this from when I was here last. My breasts don’t levitate like that in battle. I wish.” I joked lightly and Harry blushed red. “I like this one. It’s sweet of you to say that. She is…mighty. Like that victory statue.”

           “Something the matter?” Harry watched me stand straight before I touched his shoulder. “Again?”

           “Yes. Persistent. Loki knew the places I’d go.” I turned my head. “Let’s head out, shall we?”

           “Happily…” Harry and I walked along streets. Blending in with those around us. I watched a lone shredded newspaper get stuck on a post before I grabbed it to see the picture.

           “New threat?” I read the French and showed Harry the blurred photo of a figure in the sky.

           “You saw this coming.” Harry stared but I evaded his eyes before I tossed the paper in a trash can. “You’re different. You’re talking about cleaning the world. The weak and the strong. To be honest, I’m not totally sure if you’re still here or far gone. He got into your head and promised you things and you believed them. I know what that’s like.”

           “Harry, I want what he does now. He will help me save this world. I will ensure the survival-”

           “But, he’s talking about something else entirely. What if you can’t change that?” Harry let me take his arm and lead him along. “You had something else planned when he set those weapons loose.”

           “I thought they would be enough.” I looked up and saw a spark flicker between two powerlines. The world stilled. “I miscalculated.”

           “So you took time away to figure something else.” Harry deduced and I exhaled out my nose.

           “Come, we need some shelter.” The sky darkened and I took Harry’s hand, flying us up a tower of the Notre-Dame cathedral when we were hidden. “Do you see that?” I pointed to another web of electricity and Harry cocked his head.

           “What is it?”

           “That is what every one of us is trying to figure.” I braced myself and walked between arches. This tower was empty and closed off.

           “Do you miss the Avengers?”

           “They don’t understand. We’re…enemies now. We have to be.” I paused. “I’ve found a new group, more powerful and willing to do what must be done. This world will be set by force if necessary.”

           “You don’t have to convince me.” Harry stared at my back. 

           “You’re speaking clearer than you ever have, Harry.”

           “Sometimes, I think I don’t hear the goblin anymore. Sometimes it’s my dad…and sometimes it’s me.” Harry tried to chuckle. “I’m not sure which is worse.”

** ** **

           “Finally,” Loki shook the rain from her shoulder, quieting while Bucky looked around. “I…I know she’s near. I feel it. She’s been one step ahead this whole time…since I’ve lost her. I won’t do it again.”

           “Not supposed to go that way.” Bucky had to follow as Loki stepped over a chain and went off.

           “Magic, Barnes. No one to see me.” Loki hurried in silence, heart pounding. She felt her in the air. Smelled her amber perfume. It was real. It had to be. Loki stood under a row of wooden boards and couldn’t bring herself to continue, voice hitching. “Sweetheart?”

           There was no answer.

           But, she was right there above. Like always. Listening so intently.

           “Sweetheart,” Loki repeated, tearing up before speaking her name. Her chest heaved, the breath stolen before she gave the words she’s been holding back for months. “I forgive you.”

           Loose chains clinked together against the wind.

           And then there was nothing.

** ** **

           “They almost got us,” Harry swallowed when we landed elsewhere.

           “We need to get closer to…that thing. I feel…I’m not sure if it is a soul…because I cannot grasp it.” I climbed another building and set Harry down before I pointed. “There…the silver star I keep seeing. It is not so much a star.”

           “It…Whoa…” Harry touched my arm. “It looks like a man.” Expanding further, I concentrated and tried to caress the soul that was blocking me with so much ease. Abruptly, it turned and I felt a gaze burn mine. In an instant, it swooped down and grabbed me to heave me up into the frozen air. Harry cried out when I was ripped from him. A muscled man of chrome and a silver board under his feet. Harry called out while I grabbed its wrists, the touch electrified between us and my powers were suppressed.

           “Who are you?” I gritted my teeth. “Who or what do you represent?” Sparks fluttered and it did not answer me. Lights flashed and blinked out all at once. I tried to take in air while it frosted over. “Speak to me!” He denied me but instead put his fingers on my temple and I opened my mouth, unable to scream while visions flashed over my brain. A great cloud of dark mist overcoming worlds. Devouring them whole. Leaving ashes and floating matter. Nothingness.

           I had seen no end.

           He sees nothing at the end.

           This cosmic being was more powerful than Thor. And Thanos. And me. He flew me high into the air until I was freezing cold. Until my hair began to frost. But, I was dropped as a shockwave sent all my veins crawling to pieces. I heard chaos and screams. A building toppled over completely. Something caught me in a rough motion and I moaned aloud.

           “I got you!” Harry called over the rain. “I got you. We’re getting away from here.”

           “Where is it? The silver man?” I tried to shift. “He saw the gems behind my eyes.”

** ** **

           “There!” Bucky pointed to the flying object, stopping only to push others to safety. The blast split the ground apart like it was nothing. Loki raced ahead in pursuit of Harry on his new board, stuck now to his feet like it had been called. A great chill swept, frosting their world over. Rain turned to snow in a sudden shift.

           Loki persisted when she looked over Harry’s shoulder to meet green eyes.

** ** **

           “Harry,” I raised my hand to his lips. “Break skin.”

           “What?”

           “Just do it.” I cried out when he closed his teeth into my palm between my thumb and wrist and bit down hard. Yanking away, I flicked my hand toward stone. The spatters of blood landed and burned. A portal opened and swallowed us before we were on the beach, breathing heavily. Harry curved to a slow stop, looking around and I closed my eyes. Bright sunlight touched my skin to revive it. The visions sparked again across my brain and sent me into the dark.

** ** **

           “That… It wasn’t her.” Loki watched the sky, fists clenching. “That being…was something else. She didn’t draw it here. I’m certain now.”

           “We were so close. We have to pick up that trail again.”

           “She’s back with him.” Loki shook her head. “That thing harmed her. Badly. She’ll go to rest. She will dance with Apocalypse.”

           “You know that those weapons released and many detonated the second it was spotted. That isn’t a coincidence. If it isn’t with her. It’s against her. And all of us.” Bucky noted and Loki realized it.

           “Gods… She wasn’t drawing it here. She knew.” Loki covered her lips when they trembled, taking a few steps forward. “She was trying to kill it. My wife was trying to kill it before the end could begin and she failed. I know I’m right. I know it. She’s played both sides... But, that does not mean she is with us still.”

           “We need to go back to the hotel. Conference with the others. They need to know what happened.” Bucky rubbed his eyes. “We cannot do anything more here.”

** ** **

           “How’s Johnny? And Thor?” Bucky asked the screen and Jane crossed her arms.

           “Johnny’s fine. Shaken up still. Thor…there’s no change.” She sat back and Tony sighed next to her.

           “When…When we lost Steve.” He began in a quiet tone. “I remember mentioning to her that I could align myself with unsavory types if I could keep us safe…even if it meant I’d lose you guys as friends. Now, looking at what she’s done. I’m not so sure. I’m not ready to suddenly believe she has only good intentions to a greater end. The road to hell is paved with them. But, I’m not about to stop believing she’s in there. Even now. But, the fact remains…we have to defeat her simply because she picked a side. We have to defeat this. It can’t go on…and we need those answers.”

           “World’s a mess. People are dying in the streets.” Sam shook his head.

           “People with Stryker’s mentality at long last. Cowards.” Loki hissed.

           “I know where you’re coming from but without some order afterward, we have nothing but chaos. I’m not losing sleep over bigots dying but we need more hands on the wheel.” Sam sounded like Steve for just a beat. “This Apocalypse guy is out there with our friend. Something worse is floating around sending electromagnetic pulses and freezing cities over and we need to know why and what the hell it is. Stark Industries is using all its resources to keep people safe and warm when it happens but we can’t predict where it occurs.”

           “It looked like…a man made of silver. He was on a…” Bucky tried to make sense, “…surfboard or something. Looked like it took her down easily. Grabbed her like it was nothing. I’ve never seen anything move that fast.”

           “Government’s starting to put pressure on us. Military types questioned Reed for hours yesterday.” Janet frowned. "They don't know it's her against us now. They don't know Apocalypse is a mutant. We need to keep it that way."

           “Sif and her group…scouted out. As they put it. Tony and I stopped them to make them wear something more…mortal like.” Jane lifted her lips. “They don’t recognize this thing either but they ended many fights in the streets with us.”

           “Has Fandral tried to pick any of you up yet?” Loki craned his neck.

           “He seems devoted to Sif.” Jane cocked her head.

           “Just ensuring he’s his annoying self.” Loki turned his gaze and got up when his body went warm out of nowhere. Like hot tea was poured down into his stomach, heating the rest of his flesh. “I’ve nothing else to offer…I need a cold shower.”

           “We’ll let you know if we see anything else. I might stay here a few days to make sure that thing is gone before we go.” Bucky went pink when Loki faced the wall and undressed fully without shame, grabbing a towel. “If she’s hurt, she’ll need to rest before she’s out into the world again. It’ll buy us time on that end.”

           “Be careful, Bucky.” Jane offered and he tried to smirk. “…Bye, Loki.”

           “Goodbye, Jane.” Loki replied off screen.

           “Keep us updated.”

           “Yeah, take care.” Bucky breathed with tension in his neck.

           “Care to join me in that shower, soldier?” Loki beckoned.

           “…I haven’t clicked out yet. They all heard that.” Bucky’s lips formed a tight line. “…And no, thank you though.”

           “What was  _that?”_ Tony’s face came to the screen, eyes like saucers.

           “Um… He’s joking. Shut up, I got to go.” Bucky clicked out and smacked the laptop shut to sit back. “I meant what I said.”

           “Leaving the door open.” Loki turned on the shower and tossed his towel on the counter. Bucky could only curse himself silently.

** ** **

           The chill came first before I saw many bright eyes looking into mine and I screamed, shooting up in a massive bed.

           “Hey, just us.” Emma leaned over me and Psylocke’s hand was on my shoulder.

           “Ow…” I forced myself up further. “What happened?”

           “Osborn came through a portal shouting. You were passed out. Nur healed you.” Psylocke calmed me in the slightest so I reclined back against the headboard. “Human said a silver man…attacked you in France.”

           “Harry saved me, was he harmed?” I asked and Emma shook her head.

           “He’ll live to fight another day.” She replied with a cool ease. “Nur said he wanted you alone when you woke.” Harry walked in without knocking, flocking to my side to wrap his arms around me. “Quaint. You might want to disappear before he comes in.”

           “Thank you, Emma. Psylocke. I think I’ll be fine. Just…shaken up. This being was powerful.” I cupped the back of Harry’s head. “I can tell you more tomorrow.”

           “I have to meet Angel,” Psylocke nodded, stepping away. “Get well.”

           “Magneto, Mystique, and Pyro were sent to…spark a few groups that needed guidance. Tore down bigoted monuments. Collected some heads.” Emma smirked. “Everything is falling into place and yet, you were right. New threat. Intriguing.” She watched my eyes and turned to go out.

           “Harry, you must go. Go to my room and stay there tonight.” I kissed his cheek and he relented, turning his eyes down. “We both made it out of there. Go now. I’ll be fine.” Harry silently place his lips to the corner of mine in a quick parting before he went off. “Do not fall in love with me like many before you. You are young. My soul draws people in. They get confused.”

           “I’m not confused.” Harry turned, lifting his lips up while his eyes watered. “I’m happy. I forgot…how it felt for a long time. I do love you. Not like that.”

           “I love you as well, Harry Osborn.” I could tell he needed to hear that. I could tell he believed it. “Go to sleep and dream.” He disappeared and I got my body out of the bed. Only somewhat sore, I’d healed near perfect. The door opened and I put my hands on the windowsill to watch the stars. To feel the wind on my face.

           “Are you harmed?” A hand shifted my hair over my shoulder, two fingers beckoned under my chin to guide my gaze. Red eyes glittered.

           “No longer.” I replied, touching his hand so he’d cup my face. I showed him what I saw. What I felt. “Do you know what this being is?”

           “Yes. I’ve seen it…few and far between in my visions... We saw it together in yours once.”

           “Tell me.”

           “It is not the time. Not yet. Soon.” His thumb traced under my bottom lip. “I will offer the truths you seek. Have care how you pursue this knowledge. These forces threaten to pull your gaze from this.”

           “He is powerful. He suppressed me. For a moment, I thought we were lost to each other.” The emotion went through him to resonate. His guard lowered before me so my fingers skimmed up to his shoulder. “I was frightened. At last. That being… I was certain it might tear me apart. I’ve seen it before in passing flickers like a warning but I cannot unlock its secrets yet. I need to know what it will do.”

           “It will not get in the way of what we will do together.” He had promised and then he placed a kiss, like a prayer and blessing, upon my forehead. I felt him inhale and linger. My soul trapped him. Once again. Stronger than before. I sunk into his armor and flesh. I got closer and closer to the soul hiding underneath thousands.

           “Do you remember the last warm body pressed so against your own?” I asked in one breath.

           “Yes.” He did not elaborate.

           “I told you I’d give you so much more.” Magic unzipped my clothing just enough for it to slip off one shoulder. His eyes drew to my skin, one hand skimmed to place barely there fingertips along the hem of fabric. Daring to touch the warmth. “You reach out so far for me. And I return it every single time.”

           “Yes.”

           “Hold me. Let me pray and worship. It was so cold without you here. At my side.” I guided his hands around my body and asked one more question. “Do you remember how?” His face had not changed. But his soul shuddered and caressed. I smiled when he rasped softer.

           “ _Yes_.”

** ** **

           “ _Fuck_ , I should have let you do this while you played with my wife.” Loki moaned into sheets. “I can’t believe I let her hog you all that time.”

           “It was only five or so times.” Bucky gasped, fingers tight on Loki’s hips. “You talk so much.”

           “I get that a lot. I’ll simply shatter if I’m ignored. Just one of those things.” Loki reached down to stroke himself. “Can’t believe you have enough stamina for both my forms.”

           “You’re doing it again.” Bucky moaned aloud. “Not like you’re my first, quit acting so damn cocky about it.”

           “You pretty soldiers are all the same,” Loki was shamelessly working himself.

           “You’re still married.”

           “She knows the drill. We have a…unspoken agreement of sorts when we stand on opposite sides. You’re stressed, so am I. No need to complicate me again.” Loki chuckled. “I’ll do that thing I did in the shower.”

           “I hate you.” Bucky puffed again, hand sinking into black hair. “I’m sticking to Shield agents after this.”

           “Until that time,” Loki bit his lip. “Keep going. Gods, something is…overcoming me.  _Shit_. This is her fault. I know it. I…I know it. Fuck me.”

** ** **

            Drool trickled between my lips and onto the finger in my mouth. He held me up against the wall and didn’t look that much at my half naked body. Eyes bore into my face. Clothing pulled all around. He didn’t think too many obscene thoughts. Or think about how he’d use me. He was quiet and polite and yet, unhinged. My back was pressed half over the window opening so the moon could illuminate my hair. His girth was…proportional to his body. Painfully so. I was tight around him, it would not be too long.

           “En, kiss me again. Please.” I begged and he obliged. I said filthy things and he never called me a dirty name or treated me like I was below him. He fucked me good and proper with impressive stamina. Primal. But, not like other men I'd been with. My clothes ripped loose fully when I was pushed over the bed to take him a second time. I’d already come with rare ferocity. Once after I guided his thick fingers into my panties and a second time against the wall.

           “You are a treasure.” He sighed against my hair. “A goddess.” Oh, did he treated me like one. My back arched, tongue flicking out when the hand on my neck slipped up so I could choke on two fingers. “Unwind for me, beautiful creature.”

** ** **

           Loki puffed against the mattress after Bucky had rolled off him. It smelled like glorious sex and the window cracked to let colder air in.

           “All right?” Bucky peered over when Loki got up, messy hair fell over his shoulders. His feet touched the floor and he covered his eyes. In a fluid and tragic motion, Loki sobbed and Bucky jolted out of his skin.

           “I love my fucking wife.” He cried, overcome. “I love her. I love her.”

           “Hey…” Bucky was truly awkward. A god and former villain was sobbing, post coitus, in front of him. They both were naked. “We love her too.” He touched Loki’s shoulder, rubbing it to calm him. “It’s going to be alright. It always is. She’d think so.”

           “She made me promise.” Loki wept. “I failed. I can’t do this. I failed her.”

           “Not yet, you haven’t.”

** ** **

           My voice grew sore. I had whined and cried out until my vocal cords chided me. I was raw and unbound. Skin against skin between sheets of liquid silk. I covered myself and sunk on my front into the mattress. En didn’t hold me after physically. He stayed on his back and let one hand run up and down my spine. Fingertips sparked the magic underneath each little notch. I purred for him. Loudly.

           “Do you love me yet?” I asked, eyes on the moon and stars.

           “I worship you.”

           “They are not the same thing.” I smiled instead, lifting my head. “I’ll have my answer later when you come to your knees.” Everything under my hips was sore. “Tell me his name.”

           “That is not the right question.”

           “Who…does he serve? That void. It has a face. You heard it.” I breathed, eyes closing while I was lulled to sleep. En obliged in exchange for all that I’d given him.

           “Galactus.”

** ** **

           “We haven’t sighted her or Apocalypse since this Silver Surfer entered the fold,” Maria Hill spoke at a podium at one of Shield’s headquarters. “Last night at approximately five in the morning, the body of William Stryker,” the picture changed so superheroes and mutants around the room winced, “was discovered hanging from Lady Liberty’s flame. He’d been cut into pieces and haphazardly sewn together. Missing a hand. Burnt near beyond recognition. Sharon decided to go back with a team to Alkali Lake and we found some jarring evidence of a project. Deleted from files but we found a hard copy containing some data and photos. Half destroyed. Agent Carter.”

           “We believe Stryker was in fact trying to clone her DNA by mixing it with subject, Jason Stryker. He was dead on file years ago but, I wouldn’t put it past Stryker to keep his mutant son alive... We found a body.”

           “Professor Xavier knew Jason as a child. Once tried to help him. Stryker assumed help meant cure.” Jean added, shaking her head.

           “She put him out of his misery. No doubt that made Stryker’s grudge a little more personal. Made him easier to find,” Sharon added.

           “Define  _clone_ ,” Loki stood up.

           “There were many tanks in the room, flushed out with acid.”

           “Define clone,” he hissed this time. “Mixing mutant DNA with Asgardian. He was growing them from fetuses. Was he not?”

           “We don’t have all the information because it was destroyed well.” Sharon eyed him. “By her. She must have seen the project. Flushed it. Killed Jason. They thought it was odd that she lost track of Stryker so easily. She was distracted. But, a discovery like that is enough to help tip anyone over the edge. We’re trying to build a timeline with what we have.”

           “My wife has every right to destroy the world and I won’t let her for one reason.” Loki softened. “She’d never forgive herself.”

           “Well, we appreciate your cooperation and noble actions.” Sharon replied coolly and Loki sat down, fists clenched together on the table. “Right now, the Silver Surfer poses a larger threat. The Fantastic Four have been out for the week trying to track its progress with military aid. They should be getting back to us soon. Until then, our friend and her mutant ally are a priority. What else do we have?”

           “We have a rough list of her allies,” Natasha moved to bring up some files on the screen. “X-Men helped Janet, Sam, and I with compiling it. Magneto, Mystique, and John are all confirmed after that attack on the beach. Emma Frost as well. She also grabbed Harry Osborn and we assume he’s still with her.”

           “He’s not a mutant, why would such a pro mutant group allow that?” Ororo noted and Scott shrugged.

           “She probably has enough influence in their group to keep him.”

           “That left two more. One, the boy. Warren Worthington the Third. Confirmed missing again by his father. But, get this, last dad saw him…his feather wings were badly damaged. Could barely fly. It was difficult to get him to open up but…I put some pressure on him.” Natasha smirked to herself, switching files.

           “On the beach, his wings were metal blades,” Jane furrowed her brow. “A lot more powerful than his dad let on.”

           “The other. Elizabeth Braddock. Goes under the name, Psylocke.” Sam finished. “We don’t have a lot on her. She’s an expert swordsman and as Jean put it, she emits telekinetic weapons. Also extremely powered, like the rest.”

           “It would appear this Apocalypse is interested in making everything in his vision. His image. Grant extreme power to the worthy.” Sif offered. “It sounds like he did something similar with my friend. But, she is not what you’d call a mutant. He must know enough about celestial technology to shape her as he did. He must know her hopes and fears.”

           “That’s a good point,” Jane beamed at Sif. “He’s been using his mutant allies in battles. But, he has other plans for her. What will happen when he is at his endgame?”

           “He’ll want what the rest of them do,” Loki turned his head, scoffing. “She is just a weapon to them. A means to an end.”

           “We thought so too, but this isn’t Thanos. There is something else at play here. Your wife can expand beyond any boundary through this guy. He doesn’t want to chain her up as a trophy.” Bruce watched Loki. “You know her best and you seem to believe she’s playing both fields to save the world, there’s something we missed. But, our friend is helping a mutant bent on world domination and she aided in launching every weapon on Earth into the sky. We’re outgunned.”

           “Well that didn’t stop your little team before, much to my annoyance and now you have friends who might actually like you.” Loki gestured to Scott. “Or be good at pretending to.”

           “Wouldn’t say I’m pretending,” Scott shrugged and Jean nudged him, causing Logan to smirk behind them. “I make my feelings pretty clear.”

           “Fine, excluding the cyclops.” Loki corrected. “I keep hearing that I know her best but I’m not sure if I believe that any longer. She is more unpredictable than I’ve ever seen and I thought this time would clear my head of her influence because…I cannot sense her. In her absence, it is as if every emotion has been put onto me and…what the hell did she do to me that that beach? She’s haunting me. Worse than before.”

           “There was that day in the hotel room,” Bucky noted, “you seemed fine and a switch flipped on or something…and you started sobbing. Loudly. There was a noise complaint and you couldn’t stop-”

           “You don’t have to go into detail.” Loki sank down and Tony shushed him.

           “No, this is critical. Barnes, explain.”

           “You kept crying and I thought food would calm you down so we got room service and then you sobbed while you ate an entire raspberry cheesecake in the bathtub.” Bucky finished and the room was silent with light amusement that fizzled some tension while Loki flamed up. “You kept saying it was her fault.”

           “If there isn’t a point to this story in five seconds-”

           “I’m saying…that you mentioned she had tried to destroy this silver guy with those weapons Apocalypse was getting rid of. If I were her…and I was playing that dangerous a game. Working with someone who could kill me at any moment if I don’t convince him I’m on his side. Betraying every single person I loved because I thought I could save them…I’d be distraught over such a failure because this thing is still here and it’s still a threat and I cannot stop it. It would kill me. She feels emotions deeply. You guys have a connection. It’s been proven that she influences the feelings of those around her without thinking. So, my point is that you’re feeling her emotions so she does not have to. It would provide a better cover with this mutant.” Bucky explained as careful as he could and Loki crossed his arms.

           “Well, I am feeling very angry right now and I’d like strangle someone. But, I don’t think that’s exactly a stretch for me.” Loki sighed. “So, I feel her emotions, that won’t help me find her but it would explain an outburst or two. I’ve been over every scenario for this endgame the mutant might have for her… None of them add up. He would not benefit in just killing her now. If he wanted the stones, he would have taken them by now…and clearly, he isn’t controlling her like Thanos did. He isn’t ruling her with fear, he is doing it with some form of acceptance. She knows both…so very well.”

           “She always had a complicated history. At the time, it never felt like fate. The elf. The Norns.” Fandral spoke for the first time, touching his facial hair briefly. “It merely felt like she was unlucky. When you were found after the fall, she let us give her soul to the Norns knowing they might not let her back. And they did for a reason. Just like that elf must have picked her for a reason and we never understood why.”

           “Gave her soul?” Natasha inquired. “As in she actually died? Not emotionally for once but physically? We really didn't think that was...real.”

           “Yes, she’s the only person alive who can speak of them in truth. The only one who has looked into their eyes and lived. I know they’ve always haunted her. Laughed in our faces at the time about what she would do.” Fandral tried not to lament. “Many shaped her. There was always a level of affection or hope. But, the Norns…she was never the same after them.”

           “She spent many years living in fear before and after regardless,” Volstagg added. “We should have done more.”

           “We could not stop it, no matter how hard we wished. The Norns. They tossed her back with promises that the fear would fade. We believe it has in a way.” Hogun went next. “We cannot blame our friend for that.”

           “We know…about her stepfather,” Bruce looked away. “Can you give us some background on other relationships with people who…shaped her as you put it?”

           “The elf knew her mere days and trusted only her with the lost traces an infinity gem. Something about it all never fit. Regardless, she longed so to have influence. To be strong with us. He mutilated her and a part of her loves him still for it. She gave him permission to do it and still, I’m not sure if I believe it. Nerien played on her hope to increase…and on her frustration with herself. She’d just learned to nurse the illness inside of her… There was a battle, she’s been poisoned to near death. Lost memories. We connected through dark magic and I retrieved them…it revived something within her. The grey child. Our mother and father played a role as well like they were grooming her for this life… "

           "The Queen knew who she would become." Sif offered and Loki continued.

           "After I fell, there was another between her flits with men and women looking for a little release. She’d tried and failed to kill herself. She was lost and trapped within the palace, attached to Thor to be his dutiful bride… My parents gave her a guard. A watchful protector. They knew what would happen. Alistair was a better man than I. They forged something healthy. She felt she didn’t deserve the company of such a soul. That guard. The damned handsome one. He was never just a side lover, I think they saved each other that year and went separate ways. She has a way of touching the lives of others. And Thor, my brother…he took more than she gave…and that’s what she wanted. He’s the idiot who will always oblige. He sought comfort too.” Sif clenched her fists at Loki’s words and didn’t comment when she shared a soft look with Jane. Fandral looked from her to the floor. “When we ran away, I knew she would never be contented to just watch the world from hiding. It was only a matter of time. Harry Osborn swayed her quite heavily with his hopeful pleas and then Hydra got involved. Didn’t help that your little wonder boy, Steve, was in the exact same boat of discontentment. She ran to her friend then took his hand and never looked back. They had such a powerful connection. Such an easy one. It inspired so much pain. But, in that...so much good that would rise beyond it.”

           “When we were in that…dream,” Bruce remembered. “That child said this new being in her life wanted her to live forever. What could she have meant by that?”

           “I’ve asked her and she evades me with riddles. It’s a wonder my wife detached herself.” Loki groaned silently. “Did Moira offer anything else when you departed to come here?”

           “No, she was looking into it with the Queen.” Fandral replied. “The answers are right in front of us. This is torment.” Sam pressed his lips across the way.

           “Something we all agree on.”

** ** **

           “The Avengers will come if we keep this up.” I puffed, landing to watch the battle below. Riots flamed along the city. “I will not have them killed. It isn’t the time. En.” Finally, he turned to meet my eyes.

           “They will come. You will demonstrate how you’ve grown. That is all I ask.”

           “You’re asking a lot.”

           “You were prepared for me to. This is not about them. You wanted them to bear witness.” He watched me closely. “We are not the only thing drawn to this city. Do you feel the chill coming? It is your first battle since you were touched by this being.”

           “En, who is Galactus and why does this Silver Surfer serve him?”

           “You know how to get the answers. Take them by force. Go. They are here. Do what we spoke of.” He pointed and I gripped my staff, jumping down.

           “Keep your distance from me, Harry.” I ordered and he backed off me just barely. “Angel. This facility was your father’s. His precious research into a cure.”

           “I don’t see him here.”

           “You seem relieved for that.”

           “I think I am.” He watched the building level into rubble. “Friends are waiting.”

           “Right.” I set out my hand and every human and mutant below stilled with glowing eyes. The world froze. Save for my team down the line. The Fantastic Four and X-Men flocked to join them and I landed ahead of my group. En materialized next to me so I stepped forward. “Look at you all. The ultimate alliance. Young and seasoned.” Peter was with them along with Kitty’s group and Sif with the Warriors Three.

           “Release these people.” Sam commanded, shield in hand.

           “Release them?” I chuckled, crossing my arms while I shared a look with Mystique next to me. “On the contrary, I’ve stopped them from doing more harm. I did not order this attack. It felt…opportune to come see it unfold. I can make them stop. I can make them all go home. I can make them all share a warm hug if I damn well please. I see runes in your souls. The dedicated work of Moira and Loki.” I tapped my staff against the ground and every person looked at the Avengers. “I could make them attack you, but they are innocent. Scrambling for a new world that I’ve helped them see.” I paced halfway between the groups and Loki stepped forward. “Imagine. A world without rape and brutality. Without murder. A place where mutants can be free. The classist and racist system meant to oppress so only those in a small, abled circle gain wealth. Gone. Those bodies littering the streets all profited from such things. Do not act so mighty, my friends.”

           “So, you what..?” Tony’s mask came from his face. “You kill every bad guy and create peace by force? What next? You can’t keep it up unless you’re planning on replacing hope with fear. It’s impossible, even for you. Good is a choice. We saw this on the other side with Project Insight. Evil will always exist. You cannot change everyone, which is why we fight. Because some people are vile and they don’t want to change…and it isn’t your job to make them. You know that. I know you do. So did Steve. And something tells me that  _ghoul_  behind you doesn’t share your vision. I wish it were possible to save everyone…but, you and I know best that you can’t.”

           “Go home, all of you.” I sighed and everyone under my control filtered out between buildings until the silence was eerie. Wind blew and something sparked between my fingers as I lifted my hand to watch the webs fizzle before I looked up at the sky. “He is coming.” Rain began around us all, the air chilled further.

           “We’re not leaving,” Janet tilted her head up as my own team began to gather. I looked to Apocalypse and he vanished, appearing above us on a building to watch with care.

           “We do not have to fight.” I warned while a few of them stepped closer over rubble. My lips split into a wide grin. “Very well, my friends.”

           Rain stilled before colors merged together.

** ** **

           Harry knew many would go for her first. She whirled and dodged around while he tossed small explosives to ease her battles.

           Bobby breathed heavily and sprinted toward John at the same time he dashed forward. Fire and ice erupted together.

           Apocalypse lifted one hand, eyes blanched over, before a building came to pieces and rained down upon heroes. Splitting battles apart while they covered more ground.

           Jane and Sif tore forward to pursue a common friend, spear and hammer singing through the air in unison. Ororo opened the sky and Scott blasted fights apart with a gleaming laser all at once as Psylocke and Angel cut through both forces.

           Emma turned to diamond and Magneto cast a metal platform so she could jump onto it and through the air, fist coming down toward Logan. Blades shot out to block the blow.

           Loki spun around and magic formed along his fingers before he blasted forward at the same time Sue sent up a force field to strengthen it. His wife was tossed backwards and skidded across concrete, staff whirling to cast Bucky aside when he went for her next. The Warriors Three all leapt but magic erupted around them all.

           Iron Man suits formed and all rushed toward her at once before metal crunched together when Magneto smiled at the attempt and destroyed each one. They bent and contorted and twisted into a massive ball that rolled down the road, sending everyone jumping away. Reed’s arm stretched to stop it with Ben kicking it the other way. Tony watched years of work crumble away. Those long months he spent with his friend in the lab during late nights, laughing and sleep deprived. Time well spent together. She remembered as well and stilled to watch it tumble too. They both waited for the pain to subside and when it didn't, they pushed forward.

           “Really, Mr. Stark, you must not be so foolish next time.” Magneto didn’t move when Mystique blocked Reed from wrapping around him next with ease. “Appreciated, my dear.” Psylocke and Angel pursued the Hulk and Ben together to keep them busy. Sam, Tony, and Johnny joined Janet and Hank to pursue Apocalypse before another building lifted and charged to throw them all back. Everyone blurred in a massive outbreak of chaos before gravity shifted and the Silver Surfer cast himself overhead. Rain became snow. Lights blared and went out. The fighting stilled all together.

** ** **

           Loki and I had clashed together. Two of his daggers against my scepter before we both looked up. I saw him atop his board, intrigued and looking down at us. Unreadable. Static flared in place of my emotions. Shocking from my head to my heart and out my fingertips. Loki saw the change in my eyes and recognized it while energy swirled around my flesh. Something grand and terrifying beckoned for my soul and I heeded the call.

           “What’s happening?” He breathed, dropping his weapons to take my arms while I lifted from him. En cocked his head at the sight, a sudden gust of power sent everyone toppling over on each side. Splitting the teams once more so he could walk down toward me. Loki’s grip slipped away like it always did these days. It didn’t hurt but I doubled over, overcome with white noise as I opened my mouth to gasp and screeched a sound that shattered windows. I tasted batteries and rust while my soul unfurled and light echoed from my lips and eye sockets. “Sweetheart!” Loki reached up, trapped down while En took my face.

           “Let it flood your veins.”

           “ _Berserker_ ,” Loki realized and I fought it instead, my soul bounced around my body and tried to leave it. I had to root myself in place.

           “Be not afraid.” En cupped the back of my head and felt his own power surge. “Get your answers. Bring me the board.” Unhinged, I leapt into the air and almost knocked the silver man from his platform. We spun around and he melted through me, into a building, and back out. Sparks crackled together to billow outward and leveled the structures, slicing them in half. I gripped his shoulders and dragged him along windows and brick, no longer in control of myself. And then the hollow tones came for me all at once.

           “Cannot be joined or kept apart. You would dare wake us?” My voice was drowned out by others speaking over it at once.

           “Do not look…into her eyes,” Loki uttered to himself, awed and horrified at the nature of this battle. “Look beyond them… Look away, she had said. That wasn’t just her warning. It was for me too…” Shrouds of magic slipped around my limbs like ribbons. “She’s controlling the berserker? No…no. The Norns. Oh gods. Everyone! Close your eyes now! Look away!” Forced to cover their eyes, they obeyed and the sky opened. The bifrost split the Silver Surfer and I apart. Out of the technicolor streams of light came a woman of the sun’s creation. Moira floated while the opening closed, watching me twitch and sway against the hands of the Norns all around me. Dignified and terrifying, she watched me with glittering sheer wings and a halo materializing. A ghost of what she once was.

           “You again.” My vocal cords shuddered.

           “Release my friend. By command of this world and the next.” Valkyries and Norns spoke between us. Screaming. “Must you be reminded of the consequence? I strived to protect her crystalline heart. Surrender to it or transcend like those before you.”

           “War has already ruined us all.” I replied, contorting around. “You think coming here for us will save the burning of Yggdrasil?”

           “I did not come here just for you. High King Odin and his Queen Frigga, protectors of the Nine Realms, have tasked me with forwarding the line rightfully as it has been overdue. They have deemed the worthy once more to put the timeline right back on course. Soon all of us will sway to where we need to be.” Moira held an object wrapped in silk. “It is time for a new dawn and we cannot wait for ceremonies while the great tree cries so.” I watched Moira, lunging at the same time she tossed the object over my head and a mighty shockwave boomed. The bifrost stole her away and the surfer was long gone. Snow fell softly while I skidded against the street a few yards up from my friends and enemies when they were also scattered once more. Groaning, I felt the Norns fizzle just so out of my skin and reached to grip my scepter when a boot covered my hand.

           “I accept.” A voice brought my shaken gaze up to Thor, standing in armor. He placed Odin’s golden crown on his head and practically glowed. Thor looked down at me and reached out, Mjolnir sped to his fingers before the hammer sent me crashing backwards the other way. “Rise, my friends. We are not finished.” Thor paced forward, helping supers to their feet before he got to Jane and dropped the hammer into her hands. “Keep it.” Yes, Thor would be King. And Jane, the warrior to ensure the safety of the realms. Finally, he had his security. The security he scoured the realms for as years went by. Jane Foster was the key to our futures. Always. “I ask only one thing. Leave her to Loki and I. It was always us. Three bastards. Come on, brother.” Thor took Loki’s hand and heaved him up.

           “So be it.” I stood, summoning my scepter before they dashed toward me together. The battle ensued.

           Peter jumped on Harry’s glider, spinning around as they struggled.

           Kitty and Rogue charged Mystique.

           Magneto fought Reed, Janet, and Johnny all at once with mild ease.

           Jane joined Sif and the Warriors Three, flying toward Apocalypse while he grew larger than Hank to throw heroes about. No interest in the fight, he merely observed and tossed heroes aside like a child with ragdolls.

           “Brothers together. Totally and completely.” I smiled, chest heaving before I clashed with Loki while Thor’s arm went around my neck. Straining, I choked and whispered. “The void behind the silver star.  _Galactus_.” Loki’s brow lifted before I kicked from him, knocking Thor off me. “En!” I called between dodging hits. “He is gone. It is finished here.”

           “Not yet,” Thor spun me around and tossed me into the path of Loki’s spell. I blasted them both and rolled to my feet.

           “I’m…so proud of you both.” I held my side as we breathed together. “King Thor. At last. You look as I pictured.”

           “The beach.” Thor shook his head. “Is it too late for me to tell you both how sorry I am?”

           “No…never. That was not you in truth.” I huffed softer and Thor grinned.

           “I love you both and I regret every display of disrespect I showed you.”

           “Forgiven.” I stood taller and we clashed together before ripping apart. “It was on me as well. I will carry blame. A lot of it.”

           “I will never betray you again,” Loki promised us. “I want to come home. I am here now…and forever.”

           “I believe you.” Thor sparked lightning to get me to back off.

           “Sweetheart, please. Stop this now. Stand down.”

           “That isn’t all you want from me, Loki,” I pointed my blade toward him and Thor took a defensive stance. Loki dropped his anger and welled up with tears at me.

           “What I want?” He sniffled hard and I displayed nothing while he broke for me.

           “Tell her, Loki.” Thor encouraged as the battle toppled behind us.

            _“What I want?”_ Loki was already crying so hard and speaking thick and clear. “What I want is to be able to hold you again. To go on missions with my damned brother and the Warriors Three. To go back to quiet lessons in the library when we both were so comfortable and contented. What I want is that amazing woman I love so much. The woman I see standing before me still. I want my mother and father back because I know they love me and I wish I’d always believed that. Asgard may never forgive me and I won't seek it. But, I want to build something greater for all of us. I want you to take my hand and walk away from this. Thor is King, we can marry in Asgard. Isn’t it a wonderful day?” He chuckled through tears and I lifted my lips.

           “Oh, Loki. It is indeed.” I empathized, head shaking. “But, I chose to serve the realm over us a long time ago. I chose him. Fate. Force. Death. Whatever that means. I will do this.”

           “I know, but even the realms are not strong enough to diminish hope. They cannot steal what we still have between our two souls. I should have seen that from the first in Asgard. To think of all the time I spent, ready to betray you. I've never felt so ugly. But, together...anything is possible. You gave that belief to me. Thank you.”

           “It was not all me...and no, they cannot diminish it. But, I have to put this all back together. There is no other way. He’s calling for me.” I felt En’s hand upon my shoulder while light opened behind me. “Goodbye.”

           “Wait!” Loki called but I was long gone.

** ** **

           “My friends,” Thor hurried forward to help who he could.

           “Everyone alright?” Sam pulled himself up. “Good to have you back.”

           “Looks good on you…like everything else.” Tony gestured to the crown.

           “She spoke the name of who guides the Surfer. Galactus. I saw them both in my sleep.” Thor flexed his fingers.

           “I think I know a way to capture the Surfer. Sue, Ben, Johnny, and I will get on it immediately and I’ll send you the data. We’ll need military aid. I’ll call Rhodes on the way.” Reed paced forward. “You guys have to capture her. She’s swaying. She can be separated from him.”

           “I’m starting to believe that too. She’s been more help to us, despite being a pain. I’ll get ahold of Clint and Sharon. They’re both on missions.” Natasha shrugged, nudging Thor next to her. “Welcome back.”

           “Appreciated,” Thor smiled at her, brighter than usual. “For the first time in a long while, I feel confident in myself.”

           “My King,” Sif touched her fist to her heart and kneeled which prompted the Warriors Three to follow. “Our weapons are yours to guide.” Thor swept down to hug them all at once, heart warming up.

           “There is no need to bow to me.”

           “Yes, but it’s always nice once in a while. Don’t take that for granted.” Loki stepped behind him, head bowing. “My brother. My King.”

           “Come here.” Thor stood up and opened his arms.

           “No, don’t-” Loki was pulled from his feet into a tight embrace. Light circled his head, forming a gold circlet and he lifted his eyes. “What are you doing? What’s happening?”

           “I ask, humbly,” Thor took his shoulders. “That you, my brother. Prince Loki of Asgard. Now and forever. Stand to my right as my first and main adviser. The way I’ve dreamt for so long.”

           “Humbly?” Loki pulled back. “As if you have anyone else mad enough to- _argh_!” Thor smiled wider and squeezed him again. “I suppose that I can accept on certain conditions. Idiot.” Loki wrapped his arms around his brother and sighed, somewhat contented.

           “You can still call me names.” Thor muttered.

           “As if I was planning to stop.” Loki came back. “That battle told me a lot. He will not kill us until it is time. Apocalypse is seeking the board of the Surfer which tells me it’s the root of the Surfer’s power. We need to figure who Galactus is and we need to do it before my wife is pushed further by the Norns.”

           “That story you told us about how those Norns came to exist.” Natasha lifted her eyes. “It’s repeating itself. Isn’t it?”

           “Yes,” Loki puffed against snow, Jotun markings flashed briefly underneath his skin. “I believe it is. As it always does.” Thor took Jane in his arms and they shared a kiss behind him. “But, even gods can fall.”

           “We defeated a titan. How do you defeat a god?” Kitty approached her professors.

           “You stop believing in them.” Kurt raised his hand, earning a few smiles which encouraged him. "We stop believing this Apocalypse is a god. She is...but, is he truly?"

           "He is just a powerful mutant," Jean offered. "Like you and I."

           “You...make them fall in love with you.” Loki added, voice smooth, green eyes hardening. “They will pursue the Surfer, we must get him first.”

           “Leave it to us.” Sue set her hands on her hips. “Shield has spy satellites up. The surfer gives off its own energy. Something not unlike what gave my team our powers. There’s a pattern to what it leaves after traveling. We can build sensors. Pin point somewhat of a location.”

           “Catching him will be another battle but I might have a few ideas,” Reed curled his hand into her own. “We also want to know its history. If we can track where it was before the Earth…that might give us some insight.”

           “Charles was working hard to break through their defense to find them, but Cerebro is in pieces.” Jean spoke. “We’ll call when we get something.”

           “My mother and father may know something about this Galactus. I’d like one of you to go to them. See what you can find and return with it.” Thor stood before his warriors.

           “I’ll go.” Volstagg strapped his axe down. “Won’t be long.”

           “Let’s secure this area first before military back up arrives.” Sam gestured and everyone moved at once.

           “You’re not going to wear that crown the entire time, are you?” Loki shifted to follow Thor and Jane off.

           “I think you look handsome.” Jane remarked.

           “I’ll let you polish it later for me, Loki.” Thor had joked and Loki smiled somewhat at that.

           “Oh, do I hate you, brother.”

** ** **

           “He got away from me,” I swept everything off a table and overturned it.

           “Calm yourself. This was a victory. They will find the Surfer again for certain and then we will come.” Apocalypse was at total ease. “You displayed what you needed to. It baited them.”

           “Why do you need that board?” Harry asked, earning hard looks before I put myself between him and En.

           “Harry, go upstairs.” I nodded and he turned, leaving.

           “I’ll never get tired of that sad puppy routine.” Emma smirked to herself, eyes peering at me. “Might want to keep an eye on your old team and the X-Men. They’ll try twice as hard to find you.”

           “My dad won’t stop his pursuit of a cure,” Angel added quietly.

           “None of it will matter once the board is ours.”

           “You mean, yours. Do you not?” Magneto crossed his arms and En regarded him. “Charles will find us soon.”

           “My magic will hold, it isn’t a problem.” I assured him.

           “Pyro and I could travel to Stryker’s old bases. See a few of his contacts. This cure won’t go far.” Mystique spoke and En nodded.

           “That is wise, my child. Leave tonight.”

           “I know someone underground. He’s a mutant who knows mutants better than anyone. Little cash might make him open up about any rumors in his circuit. Emma knows him too.” Psylocke stretched, sighing. “Angel and I will go while we wait for word on the surfer.”

           “What is Galactus?” I cut in and En watched my face. “I heard whispers. Suppose he beats us to the Earth? All will be lost.”

           “Do not believe that so quickly.”

           “Was it you or him or the surfer who pushed me so that the Norns could touch me? Or are they to blame from the first?”

           “Who do you think it was?” En countered and I puffed air out my nose. I would not play with him right now.

           “I’ll monitor the Avengers for data on the Surfer and get back to you when the time comes. I’m going.” I turned on my heel.

           “I would prefer you stay.” En responded and I lifted my lips subtly.

           “I’m aware of that.”

** ** **

           The Silver Surfer raced high, faster than any living thing, up into the distant atmosphere.

           “Your herald summons you. Rouse the fallen ones.” He bowed low on his board to the great unknown. “Another world awaits… Let it be done quickly when it begins.”

           Clouds rippled before him. Lightning struck and the shadow of a massive helm was outlined.

           There was much still to do.

** ** **

           “I take it that your time with Reed inspired you.” Bobby ducked over strings holding posted notes to get near the table Peter and M.J. were at. He wore a blue sweater with a large menorah on it.

           “Their designs to catch the Surfer gave me a similar idea.” He fixed his glasses. “If it holds, we might live.”

           “So reassuring,” Jubilee smiled.

           “He tries,” Mary Jane joked after, nudging him.

           “Happy Hanukkah, Peter.” Kitty offered with Rogue next to her.

           “Thanks, you too, Kitty. I have to leave a bit early. See my Aunt. We always make a huge dinner together… You guys want to come?”

           “All of us?” Kurt poked his blue face around the corner and flashed a big smile of sharp teeth.

           “My Aunt knows the deal. She’ll love you guys.” Peter waved his hand.

           “That reminds me, I have to change,” M.J. kissed his cheek and got up to hurry off. Peter beamed brightly at his friends.

           “I’ll tell my Aunt we need more chairs.”

** ** **

           “Hungry?” Harry appeared in a warm coat and gloves, fixing a beanie over his head and I turned to watch Avengers Tower across the way. Seated on the edge of a building, I crossed my legs and Harry came closer. Darkness shrouded us both as I loomed.

           “Not at the moment.” I breathed against chilly air while snow fell. “Stupid Tower shining like a beacon of hope against all those other lights. Like it doesn’t know what will come.” Harry reluctantly joined me at the edge to watch the holiday lights sparkle all over the dark city.

           “Did you and Loki celebrate Christmas or maybe, Hanukkah?”

           “In Asgard, we had many holidays. Not too unlike the ones here.” I stared at my friends through the massive windows. Decorating together this year. Clint joined Natasha, Tony, and Bucky around a tree. Sam, Janet, Hank, and Bruce were opening boxes of decorations while Pepper, Sharon, and Jane clicked wine glasses together. “Loki and I tried to celebrate them all in our time to see what ones we liked. It was…nice, once he got more into the spirit of it.” I saw him on the couch, reading a paper while magic hung lights behind him. Thor joined him and set a small parcel into his lap. Harry spoke my name and I had not heard it sound so gentle in months.

           “Happy holidays,” he’d sighed quietly, eyes on Peter and M.J. lighting candles together. I watched my friends interact quietly. Sober and light.

           “Happy holidays, Harry.” I felt his arm shift around my back and he set his head on my shoulder. Silent, I embraced him and pulled backwards. “You know, there will be a grand masked party on New Year’s Eve. Supers and not. They will gather. It would be a shame to miss such an occasion.”

           “Yes, we could stand to make an appearance.” He grinned and I looked over at him to follow. “A party full of superheroes looking for you.”

           “I didn’t say it was a great idea.” I gave somewhat of a cute shrug. “I’m saying it’ll be  _fun_.”

** ** **

           “I do love a good boost in morale. One of the tamer parties Stark Industries has thrown,” Sam crossed his arms, watching the dancing below.

           “Happy New Year, Sam,” Natasha gave his shoulder a pat. “Come on, get a drink with Bucky and I. Clint’s already down there eating all the cake pops.”

           “Shouldn’t miss out on that.” Sam followed. Loki stood on an upper level, eyeing Sif and the Warriors Three patrolling across the way. Volstagg stealing cake pops from the plate in Clint’s hand while they talked. Hogun and Fandral speaking idly while they paced. Thor appeared and chuckled, taking Jane’s hand in his.

           “Hard to celebrate a new year without our friend. The people seem to be enjoying themselves.” Thor touched Loki’s shoulder, shaking him from his daze. “Just like those banquets and festivals in Asgard.”

           “Pepper is here but Tony dropped by his house. Figures. I’m going to keep her company.” Jane kissed Thor and passed Loki to go.

           “Reed and Bruce decided to stay in labs as well. They might make it out soon with some data.” Thor went on and Loki turned his gaze to see him. “You’re looking for her.”

           “She wants to be the villain. Villains are theatrical. She can’t resist appearing. And we cannot fight her because there are so many innocents around. The perfect night.” Loki touched the bannister. “We all have to play our parts. It’s what she’d want because she has to.”

           “Do you think he will come? Apocalypse?”

           “Honestly, I am not sure. I’ve never been so unable to read one of my enemies. I know what she sees in him. Even if all he shows her is a perfect reflection of herself.” Loki sighed. “No matter what. She is linked with him. There is affection under whatever false expression she displays. He knows this and it is my belief that the part of him rooted in her is unable to resist her pull. Not like anyone else can.” Loki watched the clock tick. “I miss the lanterns.”

           “We all do.”

** ** **

           “Emma, good of you to join us. Somehow it’s odd not seeing you in all white.” I watched her tie an elegant mask to her face.

           “Psylocke and Angel are coming in another entrance. Guess they’re a thing now,” she shrugged. “And I’m supposed to blend in.  _Ick_.” She rolled her eyes and I scoffed.

           “Tragic.” I remarked. “Angel and Psylocke seemed to have history.”

           “Don’t ask about it unless you want an earful.” Emma replied and Harry paced next to me.

           “Noted.” I shook my head, amused.

           “Invitation?” A man opened his hand and I pulled a paper out of my corset piece.

           “Yes.” I smiled sweetly and he looked confused.

           “Ma’am, this is a receipt for Thai food.”

           “So, I like pad see ew, put me in jail for it.” I tossed my hair behind my shoulder and Emma let out a genuine laugh behind me. “You should look again, I’m certain it’s an invitation.” My eyes sparked into his and he stepped aside.

           “Yes, go on in.” He droned.

           “Have fun, you two.” Emma winked and went off before Harry offered me his arm. Relenting, I took it while we walked along a garden with lights and fountains.

           “Do you miss these events?”

           “Liked the events. Hated most of the people.” Harry admitted.

           “Champagne?” A waiter offered and we both took one as we went.

           “I do love this music,” I downed my glass in one swig and set it on another table.

           “See them?” Harry’s grip tightened when we got inside and he finished his drink. The lights were dimmed and different colors beamed along the massive ballroom.

           “Oh, yes.” I circled, sensing every soul around me. “Look at that selection of treats.” I clasped my hands and passed Harry, letting him go. “Natasha, what a gown.” She spun to me, halfway through fixing Clint’s collar. “Still a happy, secret couple. Aw.” They both reach subtly for weapons. I touched Harry’s hand from the button on a gauntlet hidden under his suit that controlled his glider.

           “What are you doing here?” Natasha hissed.

           “I came to drink and to enjoy this New Year. Oh, chocolate covered strawberries.” I reached and she smacked my hand. “Now, I think you’re making this a little personal. There are innocent people around…suppose we both have nothing to fear. At the present time.” I grabbed a skewer and bit into a strawberry. “How about that weather?”

           “You should go.” Clint shook his head. "Don't make this messier than it needs to be."

           “You’d better hope to find that silver board before my people do.” I pointed the stick and dropped it before grabbing another. “En was all too thrilled when he saw it. Strawberry?” I offered one and was ignored so I bit into it.

           “Look, I know your life depends on this lie but you are in too deep.” Natasha was softer.

           “Who says I am lying? I've been more truthful than ever. But, lies... You’d know more about that, wouldn’t you,  _Natalia?_ Enjoy the party. I’m more so excited for the fireworks. Rest assured. All of you are humbly allowed to keep a tight watch on me. Not a huge change. Tread lightly, Tasha.” I winked and turned to go, dropping my skewer into a trash. I looked up to see Loki’s eyes immediately meet mine. There was no fear, he only curled his lips and adjusted his mask before he passed Thor to go down the steps. “Harry, go mingle with Emma for a moment.”

           “You sure?”

           “Yes, I’ll be fine. Stick to the plan.” I took his chin and kissed his cheek, nodding while Loki approached me with his hands in his pockets.

           “You look so very beautiful. Designer?”

           “Yes, mysterious stranger. You? That looks like Gucci.”

           “It is,” Loki shot back coolly. “May I have this dance?”

           “Thought you’d never ask,” I took his hand and he jerked me into his body, arm tight around my back.

           “What the fuck are you doing here?” Loki’s lips touched my ear.

           “Mm, what a waste of a question. Natasha already drilled me.” We spun around to a new song and took up more space than other couples, forming a larger circle. I turned and pressed my back against him as we swayed together, his hand curled around my neck. The chandelier twinkled above me and I sighed. “If you were to die tomorrow. What would you be doing now?”

           “The opposite of what you’re doing,” Loki’s teeth grazed my ear while he inhaled. “I’m right where I want to be now.” My dress flowed out while I spun back and he grasped my wrists to lift them, turning us around to the steps of the song. It felt like he was keeping me dancing just so I’d stay. Just so I couldn’t do harm elsewhere. My arm went tight around his shoulder and even in heels I strained to stand face to face with him.

           “I wish I could say the same,” I breathed, lips close to his as our bodies moved and pooled with tension. "I really do."

** ** ** **

           “What the hell is happening?”  Johnny appeared between Sam, Janet, and Hank on the second level.

           “Looks like the Viennese waltz.” Sam leaned over on his elbows.

           “No, why are we letting it happen?” Johnny pointed.

           “It’s under control. We can’t make a scene and neither can she.” Janet watched, taking Hank’s hand.

           “Reed thinks he might have something but it's touch and go. He’ll send it to Tony.” Johnny patted Sam’s back and shifted to go see Jane.

** ** ** **

           “Why is the child haunting me?” Loki watched my face, intent.

           “You know, I’d wondered where she’d crawled too at first. I did not send her to you, she left and I didn't stop her. When I set foot on that beach, I saw her looking out from your eyes...so I let her go and all else.”

           “Lies. You kept too close a watch on her. The beach...yes, she became mine in full. She seems all too happy for these events to pass.”

           “She and I have that in common.” I leaned back to watch the jeweled lights glitter again while we turned around. Loki’s lips fell against my neck.

           “Your emotions. I’m carrying many of them because we've been connected in soul since your memory loss but soon, he will see through you.” He warned and I exhaled before coming back up for air. Unable to stop it, I chuckled openly until my eyes watered.

           “No...no, no, no. _No._ You’re so terrified, Loki.” I grazed my lips to his. “You’re not sure what side I’m on any longer…and you cannot even convince yourself you do now.”

           “I’ve heard that before… And you are?”

           “I’m more certain than you were standing atop that tower with my scepter in your hands. You were never meant to be the villain of this story. How you tried.” I tilted my head, dropping it to his chest.

           “Neither were you. We could have done this together.”

           “I wish that were so. But, it’s me.” I replied, inhaling his cologne. “He wants and needs me alone. They all want me but he needs me most. You all are still alive. Had I stayed, we all would have failed. Mortals take and take from gods until there is nothing left. Until we are just debated stories from lacking memories. Soon to be forgotten or defiled.”

           “I would rather have failed with you. They all are waiting for you...but we're running low on time.” Loki confessed. “You’ve compromised yourself. Your entire soul. For this.”

           “None of you will die for me.” I promised him. "I must move forward with this. The realms will all fall if I do not. En Sabah Nur waited for me and I must serve next to him. It is fate's design. There is no other way. No matter what becomes of me next. This is where I am needed most. You're not hearing me, Loki." 

           “Come with me, bring your friends. Abandon Apocalypse. They are loved and wanted…and needed. All of you. Together we will stop this…this void. This Galactus.”

           “You’ve researched him.”

           “The Great World Eater. Long lost planets have succumbed to him, we imagine.” Loki watched me when I faced him. “Does the Surfer control him, I wonder?"

           “That’s helpful information, Loki,” I shifted back but he gripped me forward.

           “Don’t pretend you’re using me, sweetheart. You’re too sentimental. Too nostalgic.” Loki reached up and pulled the mask from my face, tossing it in the trash with his. Slowly, we wound around each other and continued on, something sparked with old times. Loki and I following each other’s moves so effortlessly while I learned magic in Asgard. While we fell so deep in love.

           “And yet, too far gone.”

           “No, I will never believe that. You feel so deeply and you fight so hard. He will consume you…and you will find a way to go on because that is your nature. It’s beautiful, the way your soul navigates the world. Stars are not just jealous…they have to look up to catch a mere glimpse of you. They let you rearrange them because they trust you. They feel pride when you wear them in your hair. They understand when you rage and lash out, so as long as you guide them while they decay in turn. They burst when your lips touch them. Stars long so to be counted and admired…and you offer them that because it comforts you in turn. They always point the way home.” Loki cupped my face to catch one single tear along his thumb, his own emotions welled. “I am tired of pretending.”

           “So am I.” I murmured and Loki pulled me closer so I’d rest my head against him again. My chest shuddered. “We cannot stop it.”

           “We will.” He swore in one beat when I came up to see his eyes.

           “Our friendship helped shape pieces of me that I thought were long gone,” I began. “Prince Loki. The ethereal and lost son of Odin. You cared so vastly about what they all thought but it never stopped you. Not for a moment. I loved that so much. Your passion about magic and knowledge. You never shied away from the ugly parts of something. You loved them equally and you longed so to understand. For years, not even I could do that. You let the world challenge and entice you every morning…nothing was a commonplace. That compassion for the world around you, even in the face of such pain and danger, that’s the most breathtaking thing about you.” Loki’s hands took my face while we turned slowly around each other once more. I touched his wrists, holding tight before he kissed me under the twinkling lights in front of everyone around us. Music swelled around our blooming souls.

            _“Happy New Year!”_ Came shouts about the room and we didn’t pull apart, I slipped my arms around him.  _Not yet_. Fireworks went ignored. Loki held me close and my hands turned to tight fists against his back. My eyes cracked open to see Harry gone from the room. Beyond Loki’s kiss, Emma met my gaze and nodded her head to signal me.

           “Goodbye, Loki,” I pulled from him but his hand tugged my wrist.

           “No, not this moment. Please. Tell me what to do next for you. Tell me how I can save you from this.”

           “You cannot…and I do not need you to.” I was hurried, hands on his chest while we trembled violently. “You have to stay away. All of you. You have to give up on me. I’m not on your side and I can never be again. I…I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you all to save you. To return to him.”

           “No, no, there is something out there that I have missed.” Loki was frantic, holding me. Cradling my face and smoothing his hands along into my hair so I’d look into his eyes.

           “I belong with him. I’ll...I'll kill every person in this room if I cannot get back to him. Let me go, Loki.” I gasped for air, warning him. “If you loved me…you’d stop.” Loki’s hands slipped away and I weaved between mortals before Jane and Sif stood in front of me.

           “You know we cannot let you go.” Sif began.

           “I know this.”

           “Come with us,” Jane reached out and something cracked far above us.

           “My, my. Who could have predicted this?” I blinked and magic sent them aside. Music stilled while the ornate glass roof began to fracture. Chandeliers vibrated and glass shattered all at once to tumble down.

           “Everyone out of the way!” Sam charged down to shield a few civilians. I slipped between frantic crowds and out the door during the chaotic diversion.

           “You actually impressed me, Osborn.” Emma was already outside speaking as Harry scaled a side wall.

           “Happy New Year, everyone. First party trashed of the new year,” Psylocke drank from a glass and tossed it.

           “They’re never replacing that…I always thought it was tacky.” Harry feigned a guilty look.

           “Let’s get out of here,” Angel cut in. “I listened for what we needed. It’s true…and I know where to get it.” Psylocke nodded next to him.

           “If we hurry, he’ll still be alone.”

** ** **

           “You missed your own party,” I came out of the darkness and Tony dropped his phone, rushing backwards before Angel picked him up and flew to the cliff behind the lone house. Water rushed below and I approached him.

           “Psych.” Tony put one hand out.

           “Don’t be afraid, I just need a favor.” I eased while everyone circled behind me. “You owe me one, don’t you?”

           “I…” Tony scratched his head. “No, I don’t think I do actually.”

           “Didn’t I save your life once or twice?”

           “You know, I’m not… No, I don’t think I remember a sure fire time where you did… We have a lot of good give and take. Am I right? You know, the metal head destroyed my children. Still raw.” He admitted.

           “That was a great loss,” I touched my chin. “Are you certain I never saved your life?”

           “Yeah, I think so. I could be wrong. But, I don’t remember owing you a favor.”

           “This is so embarrassing, I came here the first of the New Year for a favor I haven’t earned. My goodness,” I laughed to myself and gestured which caused my friends to follow. Tony joined and we shared a moment.

           “It happens to everyone. How about we go inside? I’ll order a pizza. We’ll…all get to know each other. Celebrate the New Year. I can shine a light on Frost, get a disco ball going.” Tony suggested, easing backwards while water rushed far below. "Sit in a circle, sing a few Asgardian ballads."

           “Disco is out, I’m afraid.” Emma replied, a steel smile on her face.

           “I really think I saved you, Tony, give me another moment to remember,” I crossed my arms, head snapping. “Harry?”

           “Right,” Harry put one hand on Tony’s shoulder and pushed him hard, sending him flying over the cliff.

           “Oh, now I remember,” I flew down, grabbing his ankle while he struggled. “Now, I think a big favor is in order.” I dropped him on land and Psylocke grasped the back of his neck. “Give me the data on the Surfer. I know Reed gave it to you.”

           “Try to find it.” He puffed and I rolled my eyes.

           “Inside.”

** ** **

           “Honey, my hard drive is packing, just try to get through-” A beep sounded and Tony sagged. “Shit.”

           “Sweetie pie, you forgot I’m an Asgardian. Your hard drive  _purrs_  for me.” I leaned over the table, spinning the chair he was tied to around.

           “I am sorry, Sir…I don’t… I am tired.”

           “Goodnight, Jarvis.” I tapped along the screen.

           “You think that possessed bag of beets will need you once he gets that board?” Tony craned his neck so I’d see his face.

           “I’m counting on it. It’ll all be over soon.” I stood. “Enjoy the New Year, Tony.”

           “I know who you are, Psych!” Tony called my name after me. “I see you!”

           “Precisely, Anthony!”

** ** **

           “They’re trying to predict the Surfer’s next moves and succeeding. Chances are, they’ll get lucky.”

           “So shall we.” Magneto looked from me to En. “It is time we go and stop this Surfer while we have the chance.”

           “Tomorrow, I have a rough location.” I nodded. "We get there before the Avengers do, it won’t be as messy.”

           “Way to steal the fun,” Emma tapped her fingers into wall she was leaning on. “We’ll scout out. Bring your Goblin.”

           “Split, cover more ground,” Pyro agreed.

           “When it is time, we’ll signal for you.” I looked at En and he seemed pleased.

           “My followers are planning ahead of me. Who am I to still you?”

** ** **

           “Water,” Natasha set a glass down and Tony rubbed his neck. “You okay?”

           “Yeah, fine. She stole what info you guys sent about the Surfer. It’s my fault. I just can't...get through to her. There are moments, her face...I cannot explain it. She looks terrified and then so certain.” Tony leaned forward and Reed exchanged looks with Sue. Avengers walked about to ensure it was safe.

           “We… What information? We never sent anything. It’s still taking time.” Reed replied in question.

           “Uh…yes, you did,” Tony was swiping, turning the screen. “It was from you.”

           “I didn’t send that.” Sue shrugged. “Reed and I were still working on it when Peter came for a visit. He’s been actively involved in the process and…oh…oh no.” Tony jumped to his feet at that.

           “Son of a bitch.”

** ** **

           “I’ve been here before. I don’t feel anything off,” I crossed my arms. “I’m going to cover more ground.”

           “Could have been wrong,” Emma replied. “It is the Avengers.”

           “Let’s give it more time.” I paused when I felt a soul I knew before I descended. Something exploded and smoke filled an entire alleyway.

           “Wait!” Emma called, trying to catch up as Harry flew toward me in the distance. The scream of a young girl jilted me before I rushed down, flocking to her side before I processed who she was.

           “Kitty?” Without thinking, I touched her shoulder. “What are you doing here? You need to leave-” In an instant, her arms went around me and I sank halfway into the concrete.

           “I got her! Rogue now!”

           “Sorry.” Rogue touched the back of my neck and I cried out. “Kurt!” More hands gripped me and sent all of us spinning around in the confusion. He teleported all over, obscuring my vision of where I was while pain surged along my spine. Rogue absorbed some of his ability and steered us elsewhere. We tumbled through the air all over when I landed hard on the floor.

           “Get out of there, now!” Peter shot webs and yank them back before sparks surged out of four poles that created a box around me. Jerking, I was up and lunging but a force field surged and zapped me backwards. I flew around like a fly in a trap, bouncing off invisible surfaces.

           “Peter…” I seethed, my soul expanded to touch his but drummed harder back into mine. Thrown backwards, I almost lost consciousness and rolled on my side. It all happened too fast.

           “Holy shit, it worked,” Bobby helped Kurt up. “It worked.” He hugged Peter tightly, shaking him.

           “She’s angry.” Mary Jane approached, careful in her steps. "Hey, you with us?"

           “You don’t know what you’ve done…” I recognized this place, it was much larger than I remembered. The cage and devices were gone. I was trapped in a box that only took half the room while they all gathered on the other side of it.

           “There are bottles of water and granola bars behind you along with a mattress, blanket, and pillows. Welcome to Motel Parker, I will be your host this evening.” Peter spoke in jest, rubbing his face. “It worked… I built these based on Reed’s design for the surfer. You can use your power freely but it’s only going to bounce back on you. Golden rule, you get what you give. Also there’s a shower, the dinky faucet with terrible water pressure just above the drain to your right and a toilet with no seat to your left. I also got you the granola bars with the raisins, instead of the chocolate ones.”

           “That’s cold, dude.” Bobby remarked.

           “Peter, let me out of here!” I bounced around again, blasting magic between fields.

           “We got her, what do we do now?” Kitty crossed her arms.

           “Honestly, I didn’t think we’d get this far.” Peter replied.

           “Peter, they will look for me and I cannot protect any of you from this fucking-!” I was tossed backwards by my own power again, groaning.

           “Pipe down and think about your life choices. You did horrible things and we stopped you. We couldn't wait for the Avengers to do worse to you.” Mary Jane gestured. “Let’s figure this out somewhere else.”

           “Wait!” I called, fully ignored. “Don’t go! Don’t leave me in here!”

           Magic erupted and hit me with the force of a freight train.

** ** **

           “She was taken.” Emma explained. “Mutant kids grabbed her and we lost sight instantly. The data was bull, looks like we and the Avengers were played.” Apocalypse was seated, facing the window away from her. The scepter was on the table.

           “Find her. Now. Take the human, I want him out of my sight. The plan does not change. Get the board.” Emma flared up.

           “We don’t know what they’re doing to her or what we're now up against and you still think-”

           “Go.” He turned from Emma and she clenched her fists.

           “Osborn, let’s go.”

** ** **

           I did not eat in the hours before they returned. I couldn’t feel souls beyond this small prison. I laid there and tortured myself, trying to expand only to be shocked. I prayed to Apocalypse and was unheard. Peter bought a large group, huge eyes willing to see me like a zoo animal. I skidded backwards along the floor at my friends. Avengers. Shield. X-Men. Fantastic Four. Asgardians.

           “So, we…have her here.” Peter was explaining and Tony touched his shoulder.

           “You’re saying…you seven…had a secret plan and caught her. Like it was nothing.” Tony earned nods. “You’re all grounded.”

           “We don’t work for you,” Kitty shot back.

           “Grounded.” Jean agreed and she huffed.

           “This is so impressive,” Jane observed and Loki rushed forward with a gasp of my name. It inflamed me.

           “Let me out of here!” I blew up with more of a tantrum, beating against walls and ricocheting before I landed on my knees. Puffing, I screamed at the floor and looked up at Loki watching from just the other side.

           “Now for answers.” Thor shifted forward. “Long overdue.” I laughed, echoing and manic. Magic spread and shocked my system again, causing me to turn with a violent arch. I rubbed my eyes and Loki bent down closer. Through my blurred vision, I saw a child standing behind him but she was gone when I blinked from my daze.

           “She takes one wrong step,” Loki began, “kill her.”

           “Oh…you love this,” I slid toward him and gingerly touched the boundary. “Always here to play your part perfectly. There’s that chaotic heart I fell for. Does it give you joy to be on the other side of this cell? For a moment, I thought I’d made you  _too soft_.” Inhaling deeply, I let my hands run over my hair while vibrations crackled down the sweetness of my voice. “Always good…to be among close friends.”

           “You’re going to let us help you and you’re going to give us answers,” Sharon stepped toward me.

           “Help yourselves first. You’ve all put targets on your back. He will find me eventually and my being missing will not stop his plan to take the Surfer. The chaos in the streets will not end.” I slipped to rest on one hip, hands on the floor. “I tried to nuke the damn thing and the void beyond but that failed. Foolish really. It did not stop Thanos. Right, Anthony?” I looked into Tony’s eyes and he stepped closer.

           “Yes, keep talking to us,” Loki eased and I smacked the wall, causing him to shift back onto his bottom.

           “Fear,” I was looking straight into his face and his exhale shuddered. “I’ve gotten to know that well. On you, it seems so very nostalgic. I remember the way you looked at me when I ran after Nerien that day in the snow. You knew I’d never be your little princess and still you just…stared at me the way you are now. You loved me so and you were terrified for the rest of your days. We constantly chose other things and other people…before each other…and still flocked home in the evenings to be together.”

           “We were always worth it. You were light.”

           “Half truths.” I observed, hissing softer when my palms came to touch the barrier holding me in. “But, I am light in my own way.” I lifted my hand to the air above me, reaching for nothingness. “The moment a soul leaves its flesh, the moment of blinding when all the pain has flooded from your body. The beckoning illumination. I am that light.” My hands smacked at the shield and sparks pulsed. Loki was unmoved. “And I am the darkness that washes them away. The boat that ferries them across the river into the next world. The mother who loves them and cradles them  _into eternity_. I am the in-between of this hell and the next. Do you still think it hurts, Loki? To have your soul ripped from the flesh you called home. To have it torn and stitched together until all one needs to do is yank the last thread that makes you a whole being. They do scream even when they want me to do it. And only I hear them. The only path of solace there is. To be heard.”

           “That day with Thanos. Tell us what happened.” Natasha was holding herself, watching me closely while everyone else began to inch toward us.

           “We are, all of us, fools.” I shook my head, standing. “I do not wish to speak further today.”

           “Well, you’re trapped in there and we have all year,” Tony put his hands out. “So you had better-” Cutting him off, I raced forward into the force field at full speed. Face first, I cried out and bounced back to the hard floor to knock myself unconscious.

** ** **

           “Okay, so I was wrong,” Tony shrugged, earning hard looks from everyone. “Shit. That is…a lot. This isn’t going to be easy to unpack, guys.”

           “She was right, we do have targets on our backs.” Bucky added.

           “Shield will get our contacts to a safe place,” Sharon looked to Maria, who was already turning to go.  

           “You stay, call you later.”

           “Rest of us are going to be in the area for a while. Rhodey will take care of things with Shield, contact him.” Tony crossed his arms.

           “She is hiding something. Not about Apocalypse. Not about the end of the word. Something about herself,” Loki observed, touching the barrier.

           “The fetuses?” Hank offered.

           “I wondered about that but now I am not sure. She put the past aside to join this mutant.” Jean looked down at her friend. Blood rolled from a cut on her hairline and no one came for her. “I think something came out after the change.”

           “She is knocked out, let me inside.” Loki shifted. “We need a way to give her things either way. Clothing. Food. Toiletries.”

           “She’s got a big box of granola bars and water bottles, I don’t see the issue there at all.” Tony shook his head, nearing to observe. “I might be able to whip something up so we can shift a portion of the field in the corner to pass things to her. Parker. Explain this.”

           “Right.” Peter shifted forward to assist.

           “So, what, we keep her here in a dirty box?” Bruce asked the room.

           “It’s too dangerous to let her out or bring her somewhere else.” Scott replied.

           “Her companions would have arrived already if they knew where she was.” Ororo nodded next to him.

           “I’m not comfortable being a part of this.” Bruce put his hands up, stepping aside.

           “You saw everything she did. Fake or not, she still helped this mutant. She still lost her mind to this. What else is there to do now?” Natasha turned to see him.

           “Can you blame her?” Bruce gestured, heating up. “You all can try being pushed and pushed until there’s nothing left and see what you all come out as. Some of us just got lucky...but not all of us. I’m not saying she’s innocent, I’m saying this doesn’t feel right. I’m saying that maybe she’s right. If she had not aligned with Apocalypse. We all would be dead. Thanos would be out there still. If I could change this, I would in a heartbeat…but that’s just it. We can’t. But, I understand…more than any of you that sometimes the monsters win. Despite how strong we all are or how well we work together, sometimes you do everything right and you lose. We’ve learned that…time and time again. She saw a chance to stop Thanos and took it. The only chance. She saw a chance to stop this Galactus thing and took it. Apocalypse would have killed all of us to get to her, she stopped that from happening so she could go on and fight this. We're treating her like the unstable animal she was seen as when she first came to Earth. This box isn’t about getting answers now, it’s about whether or not you all are going to kill her and I see that now.”

           “She will not be put to death.” Fandral set one hand out. “But, they are correct, moving her would be a fool’s errand.”

           “Bruce, this isn’t like the Hulk.” Tony eased to his friend.

           “Yeah, well, it was once.” Bruce shrugged. “I’m just not comfortable here. I’m going to assist elsewhere. You want to actually help our friend...call me.” He went up the steps.

           “I’ll speak with him,” Hank followed after and Logan quietly ushered the mutant kids up the stairs.

           “Maybe, we shouldn’t have told them all just yet. We thought seeing her would give her a better chance.” Rogue whispered and Jubilee silently agreed as they went.

           “Let’s see about this field,” Tony spoke while everyone got to work.

** ** **

           I woke to a sharp pounding in my head, rolling over as Loki came into view. He was seated with his legs crossed in front of the barrier. Only the Avengers had lingered, seated around the room. Bruce was gone. So were Peter, M.J., and Sharon. The Warriors Three and Sif were also not in the room.

           “You should eat something,” Loki spoke and I stumbled to my feet, picking the box of bars up to toss it into the field.

           “Fuck you!” I punched right where his face was and he didn’t move while I slipped down on all fours. My knuckles busted with red.

           “All so familiar.” Loki watched me breathe.

           “En!” I tossed my head back and screamed.

           “No one to hear you.” Thor shook his head, eyes elsewhere. When I bashed my skull into the floor, chains sprang from behind me and wrapped around my wrists. Held in place, I licked blood from my lips and spat against the boundary. Nothing. I squirmed and tugged, head dropping as my arms ached with tension while they were pulled behind me.

           “That will happen if you keep hurting yourself.” Loki watched me on my knees before him. My breath was high in pitch and sporadic. Blood trickled down over my right eye, they glowed bright yellow and then orange. "Mind stone to soul stone." Trying to expand sent me skidding to my side and the chains let me go. “There… Like a sunset. Think I didn’t notice your fingers as well? Congratulations, sweetheart, you’ve the true heart and mind of a sorcerer.”

           “You don’t know what you have done,” I closed my eyes, inhaling sharply. “You think Galactus will stop with this world. Midgard falls, they all fall. There won’t be anywhere left to hide. Not even for you, Loki. He will flip every switch.” I smacked my hands, palms flat, against the barrier and sent a pulse over my cage.

           “Why does Apocalypse want the board?”

           “If you have to ask…you’ve not been paying attention.”

           “Where is he hiding with the others?” Loki asked and I grinned wide. “Tell me and we’ll stop him.” He roused a genuine laugh from me. It echoed louder until tears filled my eyes. My friends watched me unhinge with a sob. My laugh turned into a cackle and fizzled into a scream.

           “Stop him?! You think that’s an option. You always were…a fool.” I wiped the blood on my face with my sleeve, smearing it more down one cheek. “Heroes don’t always win. Even if they do right over and over again in millions of realities. I lived them all! Villains can do right too, this I know. Sometimes, you have to find the center line and walk it through fire and broken glass until…” My chest tremored, I touched my head to the barrier and slipped down to brace my hands against the floor. “You do not understand.”

           “Try us.” Jane stood, pacing over.

           “You will lose.  _We_  will lose. For a moment, I really believed I’d changed things.” I looked up, back curving. “We didn’t just lose before I altered that one reality…I saw every single one… And we failed. Every time. No matter what I did. No matter what I tried while the Aether cleaved me open. I saw a billion deaths and it split me apart. The Norns laughed all up and down my soul and then put me back into my body so I would see like they did once. We broke fate apart…there is always a price for that. We will lose still unless I play this part and repay the debt of souls. I must free them. Save them. Ferry them away. I had to rewrite a new reality because I don’t believe in impossible things…still. I was so… _fucking_  close and you’re compromising everything that I sold my soul for!”

           “How can I fully trust you after what you have done?” Loki leaned toward me. “You’re right… I do not know what side you are on and I cannot risk it.”

           “You cannot keep me in here forever. They will come…and I cannot stop what he’ll do to any of you.” I slid backwards.

           “We’re all in hiding and Asgard’s warriors are aiding in protection.” Thor offered. “You can speak with us.”

           “What happened when he took you?” Natasha clutched her jacket.

           “I went with him of my free will.” I turned and put my back against the field, not wanting to see them. Loki gave a lengthy sigh, shifting to put his back against where mine was. “He’s going to help me wipe this reality clean so I can forge a new one. I have to take his hand and never let go.”

           “You can’t save a world you’ve already condemned.” Loki had replied while I cupped my hands to let magic whirl and pour between my fingers. Raw tears fell down my hot face when I had nothing else to give them.

           “You can try.” I'd offered. So gentle and secure.

           “What’s she doing?” Tony got up as I smiled to myself and stood, smoke bloomed to fill the area so they could no longer see me.

           “Hey!” Bucky pressed his hands, straining to look.

           “You’ll never find him. He’ll find you first. Try racing to the Surfer, see what happens, old friends.” Chains held me in place but I obscured myself completely, tipping to fall on my side against the hard floor. “We all have to play our parts. I wish…you had heard my symphony.” I curled up and the chains relented. I couldn’t see them anymore. “They kept playing. And so forth. And so forth...and then they…and then I…” Dazed, I licked my lips and held myself, turning over to face the wall. “If you look back, you’re lost. If they look forward, they’re dead.”

           “Tell me what happened to you!” Loki beat against the barrier. “Show me!”

           “Loki,” Thor touched his shoulder.

           “I’m going in there!”

           “Enough,” Thor curled his arms around Loki’s torso to pull him backwards.

           “Tell me!” Loki screamed my name, fighting against Thor’s steel grip.

           But, there was nothing.

           Nothing.

** ** **

           “It’s been two weeks. They could have her anywhere.” Harry rubbed his face, sitting himself in the window and Pyro glanced over.

           “She’d want us to stick to the plan. Can’t have us killing her witnesses.”

           “No doubt, but he needs her for his end.” Psylocke crossed her arms. “Fantastic Four have military aid to trap the Surfer. When they have him, we move in.”

           “Once he’s separated from that board, I can get us into whatever facility they drop him in. Shouldn’t be a problem,” Mystique smirked.

           “Been too quiet,” Emma remarked. “Starting to think we won’t find her until the timing is perfect.”

           “Is that not always the case?” Magneto scoffed. “If she can see that far down the line from the very beginning, they played into her hands as much as she played into theirs.”

           “You’re implying something else.” Angel noted from the gold beam he was seated on, wings folded behind him.

           “My friends, if you believe she shares the same vision as En Sabah Nur, you’re mistaken. He means to use her and she knows this but not to what end, this I’m certain of. Those missiles went up, I felt them all curve. It was not me and it was not him. I intend to figure Apocalypse’s end and hers, things are changing.”

           “I’m not one of you. I know that. Please, don’t let him hurt her.” Harry was hesitant. “You care about her too. You know she’d have your back because she’s good and she wants what is best for everyone. Ms. Frost, please.”

           “True, she makes me laugh,” Emma lifted her lips subtly, dropping them. “We have to find her before anything can be done. I’m going back out.” Angel and Psylocke shared looks before joining.

           “We’re going out too.”

** ** **

           Starving myself was proving ineffective by the third week. Magic dissipated after two. They held off on the Surfer, he was too fast. Always circling. And Apocalypse would come. I laid there until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. They goaded with questions and worries of food. I gave nothing. The floor was always cold. One by one every few hours, someone would sit and watch me. I was so hungry, my stomach gurgled at the thumps of hearts pumping blood through needy veins. The third week was half up when I felt myself change. When the Norns began coaxing further like they did during the battle. I stared at my friends unblinking when they would come and watch or work on the shield to ensure it was holding. Computers were set up so they could keep busy with watching the world outside too. They built a device into the bottom right corner to drop items in. The clothing Loki had offered weeks ago were still folded neatly. Every so often, my fingertips would spark while the Norns whispered. My friends tried to speak and I merely stared, praying in utters to En in his mother tongue.

            _“Hail to thee…”_

           “You’ve been sitting in a cocoon of magic for three weeks. You haven’t changed. Get up.” Loki tapped his foot. The door opened and Thor came down with Sif, Bucky, and Jane. “Using my old tactics against me? You think that’ll get a rise out of me?” Loki was clearly agitated and I just stared at his face. “That new device is in place, yes?”

            _“…deliverer of the suffering and oppressed…”_

           “Yes,” Jane replied. “If something goes wrong, you’ll both get put out and someone can grab you. Fast acting.”

           “ _The spirits thou hast made extol thee…_ ”

           “Open this thing, I’m going in and I’m not leaving until that little brat is properly tended to.” Loki smacked a button and I lifted my head before green smoke put me half under.

            _“…we worship thy spirit which is in us.”_  I remember this feeling. The day Loki turned on Asgard. I was so dazed at that dinner table in a pretty, silk dress. Thor, Jane, Sif, and Bucky were speaking and working quietly while Loki heaved me up.

           “I want to make sure you hear me.” He took my jaw when my head lulled against his back and shook me. “You will not use your powers on me. If you try anything, they send more smoke in and we both take a nap. Let me see your eyes. Now.” Slowly, they faded to brown and he sighed at me. Unable to stop myself, I shifted forward and chomped in an attempt to bite his hand. Loki tugged an arm around my neck and chuckled. “I thought so.” A device pressed into my mouth and I whined through it, feeling my magic suppress itself. I felt around and recognized the muzzle, eyes lifting to Loki while I tried to crawl away. “I did warn you.”

           “Hmmm!” I kicked and Loki crossed his arms, putting one hand up to Thor.

           “It’s under control. Go back to what you’re doing while I clean her up and get some food into her system.” Loki heaved me up and pulled me behind a long curtain. Cold water sprayed and I pressed to the wall. “Clothes off.” Loki covered us from view and began tossing my ruined clothes over the shower into a pile before I curled into the wall again, eyes intent with a glare. Rough, he was scrubbing with a soapy sponge, water soaked him as well and he seemed too upset to bother. Angrily, I crossed my arms and let him fuss for ten minutes until it was washing away into a drain. Loki scrubbed my hair next and I sagged while suds fell down my back. His fingers massaged tension from my body and I looked up to see him with tired eyes. Loki glanced at me and relented, pulling the gag from my mouth and I washed my face when he turned. Magic flitted around the curtain covering us and Loki shifted the faucet away from us. “Tell me what happened, it’s just us.”

           “You think affection is going to get you what you want,” I turned away from him, arms over my knees. My voice was hoarse and low.

           “I cannot go another day not knowing what happened,” he replied behind me. “I know about the children. I wish you had told me. I’m not…against the choice you made. They violated you and tried to make weapons. I wish every night that I could have protected you from the first. Sweetheart, we’re so close. You and I. Put everything else aside and just tell me.”

           “The soul stone. I wish I knew the moment Nerien gave it to me.” I touched my forehead to my knees and listened to the soft music and sounds emitting from the computers they’d set up outside. “So much makes sense now. It meshes well with the mind stone. Too well. The Norns knew that souls are puppets and so did you. Now I know.” I turned the water off with magic and Loki sighed, the spell filtered down again and he got up to toss a towel over my head, drying himself with magic while he puffed on air. I wrapped the large towel over my body and peered up to see Loki’s hand holding some undergarments. Scoffing, I stood and changed before he reached again with a loose sweater and leggings. “Familiar,” I shoved the curtain aside and put distance between us, twirling once finger into my hair to dry and style my curls in place.

           “Didn’t think I’d see your hair grow so long.”

           “Woke up, it was like this,” I turned, realizing Tony and Natasha had joined the others. The Warriors Three came down too. “I have not seen Bruce among my guards. I wonder why that is.” I set one hand against my cage. “Oh. Let’s all flashback to sweet Bruce Banner discovering the prison Shield built for him just before begging for his assistance when a god came to Earth looking to destroy it. But, enough nostalgia.” I had to lean against the wall and slide down. “Ask your questions while I’m still conscious.”

           “You should eat something.” Thor approached with a bag. “Tony picked up your favorite.” I could smell all of the take-out food opened on tables and my mouth watered. “Loki, come out.”

           “He stays.” I pointed. “He stays in here with me…and I’ll eat. It’ll be just like old times,  _sweetheart_. You can even cuff me.”

           “Just give it to me, I’ll stay,” Loki whispered before Thor could protest. “Put this on your ankle.” He tossed a silver bangle toward me. “You disobey, you get a nasty shock and the chains latch you to the wall.” Eyes on his, I cuffed myself and shrugged before he tossed a water bottle at me. “Drink it and I’ll give you the food. Smells spicy.”

           “Keep your distance from each other.” Thor pointed and I chuckled between long swigs.

           “Making a lot of demands, my king.” I reached out with both hands and Loki gave me one of two large take-out boxes. Instantly, I was ravenous and bent over it, forking and slurping wide noodles while he moved to the other side. “You think distancing me from En Sabah Nur will clear my head. He’s not controlling my every move.”

           “Yes, but he’s enchanted you. Played on your fears. Made you promises.” Natasha replied and I shook my head.

           “Promises he has and will deliver on." I wiped my lips on a napkin. "I’m never disappointed. And they say the perfect man doesn’t exist.”

           “You know why he wants you, do you not?” Fandral, unable to take this, came forward. “You’ve always known and the truth of it is horrible but you would still go through with it because he gave you the power to defeat Thanos. Because you think Yggdrasil will survive if you fell from it as long as you complete your business.”

           “My friend, come sit,” Thor took Fandral’s shoulder to look into his face, touching the back of his neck. “Rest.” Fandral relented and I peered at Loki.  

           “Symphony.” Natasha furrowed her brow. “Just something you said a while back. I thought you were just referencing playing our parts. But, Tony and I looked into it. Like I’m sure you wanted us to.” She stood and turned a screen around. “There was a multiple homicide. All sex offenders or child murderers who escaped justice or got out early. We all looked at the pictures. Looks an awful lot like Thanos did after you were finished with him. Like others you’ve killed with your magic.” I stood and walked till I was closer to the barrier, eyes glued so to each photo. “You look nostalgic.”

           “A defining weakness.” I licked my lips and smiled. “It was a revealing day for me.”

           “This happened when you woke up long after he’d altered you.”

           “Alter is not totally incorrect.” I looked up when she clicked it off. “En showed me the heights of my abilities. Who was I to deny them? The soul stone. I was so foolish. Nerien knew that I would be. Maybe he did not even understand. It was their force for generations. Apocalypse gave those filthy souls to me as a gift to demonstrate myself. Taught me a lot in a short time. Even dirty souls have some use. Just ask my stepfather. Oh, wait. Odin had him killed by guards when it was too late.” Thor and Loki exchanged looks but did not press the subject. 

           “But, that doesn’t explain their significance, you’re stronger but it looks like any old kill you’ve done during the war and executions,” Sif pressed, earning nods and I turned with a soft hum.

           “No, it doesn’t explain it.” I agreed in an airy tone. I felt so many eyes on me and heard Loki’s heart pulsing in his chest mere feet away. My mouth watered again.

           “Oh my god.” Jane dropped the fork in her hand and everyone looked over.

           “All right?” Hogun asked first.

           “I know what you did. I know…” Jane stood up and Thor touched her shoulder. “The day we met in Asgard…you said,” she met my eyes, “you said that an empty body without a soul is an empty vessel. You wondered what you could do with that.”

           “Necromancy,” Loki was on his feet. “You always thought that was tacky.”

           “I didn’t ask for that little bonus, he told me to kill them. So I did. Then, he said in the same tone…bring them back. So, I did. It’s not fair.” I clenched my teeth. “When I brought them back, they could be my mindless drones…or they could go on with some sense of free will for as long as I allow. But, they all rot. It made me think of Steve, for months…I wished I could bring him back to us. I prayed. I prayed so hard for it. And I can…but, he’ll rot too. It’s a great injustice…knowing Steve Rogers can rot.” I laughed and tears filled my eyes but dried while I watched Loki’s face. “For most of my long life, I always thought my prayers were ignored. Since my father- …But, prayers…every single one…they’re all answered. Most of the time, it’s just not the answer we really wanted. That is the true nature of gods and monsters.”

           “But, he didn’t rot,” Bucky tightened his fists and stood up. “Steve is alive in all of us and you know that. If you’re willing to let that go…that’s the only way he’ll rot and I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen. You were supposed to carry that further than all of us! I didn’t believe I could be any of this again until I met you… You can’t go so far to build us all up and piss that away. Steve Rogers believed in you because you were good. Because you deserved it. He trusted you and I know you loved and trusted him. You passed that same belief onto others. Steve tasked all of us to come together…to not let that common dream we shared die. You cannot give up on that. You can’t. Not after everything. If you give up, what's that say for the rest of us?!” Tony got up to get in front of Bucky.

           “Come on, she knows. Sit down. It’s all right.”

           “It’s not all right! None of this is all right! Apocalypse is going to kill you…and you’re going to let him.” Bucky cried, wiping his eyes before Natasha was helping usher him back into a seat.

           “No, it is not all right.” I slipped down, holding my legs. “But, it is done. My friends…”

           “Loki, come out, we need to discuss our next move before this Surfer closes on another city, Reed predicted it shall be soon.” Thor watched my face and turned his eyes, blinking rapidly to still his emotions. Instantly, I stood and Loki shifted.

           “Back away to the wall.” He had to drop his gaze before pointing with one shaken finger.

           “Loki…” I coaxed. “Kiss me goodbye.”

           “Loki, come out.” Thor urged.

           “Give us a fucking moment.” Loki hissed, relaxing with an apologetic look. This was killing him so slowly…but I was dying quickly. We could not even share death.

           “Loki,” I pressed, softer, opening my arms. “I wish…things could be different.”

           “They can…” Loki took my face and I let the hot tears pour. He kissed my lips and then my cheeks while I broke further, touching his wrists.

           “No,” I sobered, fingers grasping to him tighter. “But, thank you for always trying with me.” I surged forward, tackling him to the floor before one palm came up, charged with magic. My lip throbbed from where he’d hit, sending me off him.

           “Don’t!” Loki pointed to Thor’s hand on the button as I crawled backwards, a small cut on my bottom lip. “It’s under control… Trying to get intimate so you could attack me? Sweetheart, I invented that move.” He scoffed and stood up so I turned over, grinning now while blood trickled to touch the floor. Loki got out with Thor’s assistance. The crimson spot on his knuckle dripped too, followed by a sizzle. _Should another spill my blood..._

           “I learned well from you, Loki. Oh, how I love you…but, I will never again allow you to waste more of my time. Not while these nine realms dangle before an endless void.” I touched the barrier and Loki turned, confused, but I felt the shift. Leaning forward, I kissed the wall and winked before uttering softly. “ _Bang_.” Loki jolted, touching Thor’s arm.

           “We need to move her now! She tricked me.” He scrambled forward. “He knows where she is! Shit!” Loki was cursing. “Don’t you move!” He pointed while everyone began to scramble, the barrier crumbled around me. Amused openly, I shrugged and put up my hands. “We have to go.” Thor’s hands grasped me, heaving me over his shoulder while I laughed aloud. We flew up, ahead of the others and outside where people were already running away as a portal opened high above us. Thor landed on the roof and covered my mouth, trapping me against his body. Angel flew out first, shards of metal blasting from his wings which forced everyone behind Thor to take cover. Chaos erupted as Psylocke jumped down into the fight with blades glowing magenta. The building shook, Magneto forced it to curve over. Thor and I rolled across the road and Pyro approached so I smirked at him, nodding.

           “Pyro, now!” I snapped my fingers and pushed through the cuff as hard as I could. The sound about echoed and time slowed when magic sparked with just enough fire for him to grasp at; it billowed up in a sudden motion and danced before my eyes. Flames spun around me to keep all others away. The cuff around my ankle broke free while they dissipated and Pyro jumped onto a scrap of metal led by Magneto after freeing me. Thor went for me again but I tossed him into Loki and out of the way of Psylocke’s blade. Harry threw a smoke bomb and I lifted into the air toward En’s outstretched hand.

           “We’re going!” I called. “Now!” I was halfway into the sky when sparks shot through my system until I tossed my head back and screamed. The pain blinded with white hot light. My spine contorted back in an arch. Blood coated my vocal cords. And then I stilled. Lulling when it was done, I began to fall and saw Thor’s hand outstretched with fury in his eyes. Before I came down to them, a body collided into mine; Harry sweeping me up and flying us past Apocalypse into the portal. It closed when the others came too and Harry set me into the sand while I struggled to breathe for a moment, coughing up blood.

           “Away,” En shooed everyone from me and kneeled to take my face. “Their lives must end next we face each other.”

           “It is not the time.” I croaked, fingers curling around his wrist. “Thor…did he try to kill me? He wouldn’t…He…”

           “Things have changed. The Surfer will not relent. Stand.” His arm wound around my waist. “Leave us, locate the next attack.” He led me inside alone and I slipped an arm around his neck. “You must rest and heal.”

           “He almost killed me.” My vision burned and static whirled between my fingers. “En. What’s happening…?” He stripped me naked and dunked my head into the great, sparkling pool within this palace. My limbs were boneless.

           “It is time for you to let go.”

** ** **

           “It was not me…” Thor shook his head when Loki pushed him.

           “You could have killed her! It came from you!”

           “But, it wasn’t.” Thor protested, grasping Loki’s arm. “I would never. I felt the pull of the berserker unprompted and that… The Norns.”

           “What about them?” Sif hurried forward while the group came together.

           “They are pulling too.” Loki breathed, eyes on Grey smiling so widely behind them all. “It was you. Pulling strings from the other side. Did the stone strengthen you or were promises offered to you as well?” He passed them.

           “Who are you talking to?” Natasha offered first.

           “The child. It’s following me,” Loki reached and his fingers went through her. “You’re manipulating this. Drawing the Norns in. Why?”

           “I warned her.” Grey shrugged. “Several times. There are so many treats on the other side, you know? She’ll be happier there.”

           “What have you done…?” Loki watched her stand at a ledge of a crater and toss her arms out. Yellow light gleamed in her eyes so she readied to fall. “The whole time.”

           “Hate me until you love it, Prince Loki Laufeyson.”

** ** * **

           “Don’t leave.” I gripped En’s arms, braced against him and soaking wet. “Stay.” Aching bones rattled under fizzling muscles and skin. I thought my veins had burst open. My vision cut with exploding stars and I arched when the pain of it filled me. He brought me to the floor.

           “It will pass,” he soothed. “Let it fill you all the way to the brim. Let it spill over.” Magic stitched a long dress around my body as he dried and held me closer. It felt like I was giving birth. Finally, I screamed, echoing and rattling until all my protective spells shattered. Around my own mind. Around this palace. Sagging, it all tumbled away like autumn leaves from trees. “You will sleep again and dream soon. Let their eyes touch your body.” I was on my feet again, stumbling while he brought me up a set of stairs to his chambers. Hands on my hips guided me until I was climbing to sink into a bed. Everything was static. My lungs shriveled and expanded wider. En sat to watch me fall apart and stitch myself back together, fingers dug into silk. I was utterly inflamed. Burning. I could still feel the sparks shredding me to pieces.

           “En.” I whined. “What’s happening to me?”

           “Contact with the Surfer and your Norns has spiked everything inside you. Your souls clashed.” He put his hand, palm flat, against my collar to feel my heart and soul beat rapidly. I felt something stir at the core of his soul, hidden so well. It made me moan. It made me arch completely. Nostalgic and fleeting.

           “You’re unraveling too.” I was breathless. “This was never about you and the board. It was about you and I. You wanted to see the result of my soul clashing with that Silver Surfer. The board is your afterthought, you need me to do something first. But, you’re patient and it is your undoing because while you wait…while I get stronger.” I moaned again, curving over. “My soul is clashing so into yours too. I’ve been… _fucking_  you this whole time. While my humanity goes away…yours gets stronger because you are not a god, En Sabah Nur.” I cackled and he pushed me, standing up. “You’re just a mutant man dressed in the finest armor of all illusions I’ve ever seen. And I married a shapeshifter. Oh, you’re powered beyond belief. But, you’re not a god. They’ll never follow you again. That’s why you need me. My soul. I’m not your apostle, En. You are mine. You were right about one thing. This is  _revelation!”_ Arms spread before I gathered the skirts around my legs and stumbled up, pushing at him.

           “Your compassion,” he grasped my wrists, “makes you weak.” Ruefully, I drew closer to his face, magic brought me from my feet.

           “Your suppression of it will not make you stronger.” I felt tremors in his soul, still trying to hide while I located it. “I haven’t needed to manipulate your emotions or make you my drone. I’m not even sure if I could. You’re kneeling to me all on your own, En. Dress yourself in shiny tubes and armor and fancy space tech all you please, I know what lies underneath. You prayed once. You hoped once. We’re so alike, you and I. Heroes and villains always stand on the same pillars. Monuments wanting to be built up and torn down. Where will it hurt when I tear your stitches open? I think I already have.” I opened my lips, nearing his but I paused and drew back. For a beat, his own face came forward in response with that peculiar longing. He ached for me. I'd trapped him. “I’m going to my room for the night.” Instantly, his fingers slipped from my wrists and I found my footing. Stopping just short of the door, I touched the handle and closed my eyes tight. “Will there be pain?”

           “Not for long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for reading, I always appreciate it! I have a writing blog at just-sid.tumblr.com if you ever want to chat or leave some words! Only two more big parts to go. :)


	45. Messiah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Galactus coming closer, everyone plots to catch the Silver Surfer. The Lady faces her final decision next to En Sabah Nur when not so distant feelings come flooding back. An old friend makes an appearance for unfinished business. Asgard returns with the last hard answers and final trials for our heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for death/suicide mentions/explicit talk of heavy subject matters.

           “We’ve got a serious problem.” Reed hurried down the stairs where supers had gathered. “I cross-referenced the Surfer’s radiation through every astronomical database. Altair 7, Rigel 3, Vega 6.”

           “He’s been to all these planets?” Sharon crossed her arms to lean against the podium while Sue brought their files up.

           “And now they’re lifeless. Barren. Some even shattered. Everywhere the Surfer goes, the planet dies. The World Eater.”

           “Galactus.” Natasha finished, earning nods.

           “We do not know where he is,” Maria spoke from Nick’s side.

           “The craters appear in a numerical pattern. Last one was in Greenland. There was also a spike in…well, it wasn’t radiation.” Jane gestured to Tony. “It could be her but Tony is still trying to get the exact coordinates in order on his personal pad so it isn't breached, should be an hour. Maybe less.”

           “How are we going to stop him?” Jean asked. “Even if we catch the Surfer…how can we stop a cosmic entity?”

           “We’ll have to ask the Surfer nicely when we grab him,” Tony ruffled his hair. “Cerebro?

           “Scott and Logan have been working on it with Professor Xavier. It’s looking bleak.” Ororo replied.

           “You think your wife or her new squeeze might know?” Tony nodded and went on.

           “He’s not her new…” Loki huffed rolling his eyes before he changed his tone. “I don’t think she knows…yet. He might but I believe he’s not interested in stopping Galactus.”

           “Won’t get his new world if Galactus wins because there won’t be one left.” Sharon looked up.

           “Not everyone knows the difference between saving a world and ending it.” Loki mused in a familiar tone.

           “Think he might be trying to control Galactus?” Bruce inquired.

           “He wishes to control my wife. She can control and kill on a massive scale without touching a person. This Galactus can destroy entire planets.” Loki shook his head and Thor stood up, startling those around him.

           “Thor?”

           “I know what he wants with her.” Thor hurried down, touching his heart. “When she came to me, she tried to use the power of my rejuvenated soul to destroy Galactus and his Surfer but it was not enough. Even if she’d killed me, it was just not enough. But, she…”

           “Thor, could he use the power of her soul, that they’ve been building up…” Sif was awed, shaking in her seat before Fandral touched her hand. “Could he use the power of her soul and the technology in the board to control Galactus? Imagine the possibilities.”

           “No power would match him. He'd empty her soul elsewhere and...the board. They are both opposite beacons. He would try. He seeks to achieve the life of god and ruler. And the Norns...he'd be a fool to attempt contact with them. But, what if he were to give them something they want... This mutant man would steal my friend's part in this. He's in over his head and he will discover this. But, would that stop him? He'll control everything in these realms if he pleases to create this new world.” Thor addressed the room, causing an uproar of several overlapping comments. In the midst of the scrambling, Bucky Barnes stole a tech pad from Tony’s desk and hurried out a backdoor.

** ** **

           “You’re unwell.” Magneto remarked behind me and I turned my head, eyes swirling with sunsets upon black seas. Barefoot, I was standing in the water, letting the waves shift my dress around. “We can all hear you humming somehow from the other side of this island.”

           “The sparks…did they come from Thor?” I felt them crackle in my chest.

           “It appeared so but, they did not in truth…did they?”

           “I feel so good,” I swallowed and hunched over before gasping and standing straight. “I’ve never felt so powerful.”

           “You curved those missiles.”

           “Of course you noticed.” My chest shuddered with a cackle as I looked at the water. Cupping my hands, I kneeled down and splashed my face. Black makeup ran along my scars and dripped down my jaw and neck. Pulsed, I was monotone, dreaming. “I’m going to save the world, you know?”

           “I do not doubt that. Not anymore. I am glad you’ve used the time you have effectively. You know, I had children once with a woman I cared deeply for. We'd both lost so much. She was beautiful and Rromani. Those radiant, dark features outed her when men with guns turned on innocent people. We fled together from the greatest evils manifested on this Earth...and I lost her to other obstacles. Our twins grew to both be powerful beyond any imagination. Beautiful with their mother's same dark features in a world that shunned them for their race and abilities. I failed them and they, likewise, outgrew me. You sometimes remind me of my daughter. She was magnificent, wise, melancholic, and lost...all at once.” Magneto watched me turn. "If I were to die today, I would want to see them. One last time."

           "You will see them again, Erik." I uttered, rasping. "Doesn't hurt to try...for the people we love. It can. But, that just means it's all real. It could hurt worse if you didn't. For all of you." Careful, he held out one hand so I linked my hand around his forearm and he followed, gripping mine with a nod.

           “I have spoken with the others. Your next moves are crucial.”

           “Thank you.” I professed. “All of you.”

           “Do not thank us yet, my dear.”

** ** **

           “Leaving so soon?” Spider-Man landed atop the bulky Shield jet Bucky was currently stealing.

           “They’re going to catch the surfer. I’m done sitting around. I’m getting her right now. I owe her. Once these coordinates come in, I’m bringing her back myself.” Bucky looked up.

           “You’ll have to take us,” Kitty Pryde phased through the jet and Bucky jumped, head tilting.

           “We caught her once and made the mistake of doing nothing after. Avengers and X-Men had a chance to put this right and it didn’t work. We have to finish it.” Mary Jane crossed her arms, rounding the vehicles with Bobby and the rest of them. “Also, Bucky, I have Maria Hill and Sharon Carter on speed dial and they might not like what you’re doing now.” She pulled out her phone and hovered over a button. Bucky chuckled in response.

           “I’m going to regret this… Get in.”

** ** **

           “I’ll kill him,” Natasha paced, smacking against a pad to bring up some maps.

           “Get in line, he stole the info. I have Jarvis on it again. We'll risk the breach.” Tony rubbed his face.

           “It’s ringing, give it a moment.” Sam was calm until Bucky’s face came up. “You want to explain what you’re doing?” They watched him hurriedly shush something behind his seat before he was tapping buttons.

           “Ugh…I thought I’d grab everyone takeout…? Going to be a long day.”

           “In Shield’s jet?”

           “It was the only one not parked in.” Bucky gave a sheepish grin.

           “Send us your coordinates, we’re coming to get you.” Sam went on.

           “Guys, get the Surfer, we have nothing if we don’t catch him first.” Bucky sighed and tried to pretend Steve was in the empty passenger seat next to him with an encouraging smile. “I want to do this. It feels right. Like...Like I'm supposed to.”

           “Who is that behind you?” Tony narrowed his gaze and many heads popped out from behind seats.

           “Hi, Tony,” came a chorus.

           “Peter Parker! I should have known you’d be in this. Do the right thing and send us your location before we have to find you.”

           “I’m not sure you will…sorry, guys. Bucky’s right, we’re doing this. We can. Find the Surfer. We’re getting her and Harry.”

           “And John.” Bobby added behind him.

           “And Emma.” Rogue pointed.

           “We’re getting our friends back and the others. We’re going to bring them home.” Mary Jane touched Peter’s shoulder.

           “And just in case, I’ve blocked our location.”

           “Shouldn’t have taught him that,” Bruce muttered to himself.

           “Bucky,” Sam began before the screen flickered.

           “Sorry, you guys are cutting out.” Bucky was flipping switches.

           “Are you pushing us off the phone?” Tony set his hands on his hips. “You’ll get yourself killed, Bucky. Let us help.

           “You can help by catching the Surfer. Goodbye.”

           “Bucky, wait,” Natasha began but they were cut off. “Shit.”

           “I can try and hack it,” Clint suggested, hand on her arm.

           “No, he’s right. We’re catching the Surfer today. We have to.”

           "He will bring my wife home to us." They turned to see Loki in the doorway. He was so full of hope. "Yes, they are supposed to. Your legacy is in just hands."

           "Better bring up some disguise, we're going out there." Tony puffed, hands slipping into his pockets.

           "No," Loki was ice. "I want them all to see exactly who I am and who helped save this world. Thanos himself will shudder from the other side of death. My wife will feel that I...I can do the right thing. Despite fate. Simply, because I want to."

           "Keep the diva act to a minimum and we'll keep you out of fire." Sam had agreed, earning light amusement.

           "No promises."

** ** **

           Night had long covered me. Sleep was foreign. I soared and floated about the palace, power filtering down the notches of my spine. I could have lived here in the sky. I could have dined on clouds and stardust. _I could have…_ Eyes closing,I felt the distant uttering of the Norns in my ears. _And so forth..._ I felt the stones taking flight inside me. I pictured Yggdrasil. Might and lush with apples. I reached out for one, finger grazing its crystal-like surface. But, it tumbled so far down and shattered with the same force as the bifrost once did. With the same force of my soul plunging deep into the hearts of those around me. The rest of the apples fell in sync and abruptly paused mid flight. Arms opened, I lifted my gaze to the stars and let them swirl around me. Exploding with soft sparks of light and color. Yggdrasil unfurled before me completely and then my soul stilled.  Arms dropping, I floated: alone against the wind while my dress and hair flitted about. Something was fluttering in the distance. Like birds flapping to escape the drumming of wedding bells. Sighing, I dipped down until my feet touched sand.

            _“You have to just keep looking it in the face and moving forward.”_  Steve had said once. So much time had gone.

           “Keep moving forward,” I uttered, distant now. Cool water spilled up on shore and reeled back.

           “It is time. I thought more would bear witness to the rebirth. Only fitting.” En was behind me and I turned to watch his face. “Your barriers were broken open. Just as intended. We must choose together.” It was a jet. I knew the souls within. The sun rose beyond them and En turned after touching my face. Something explicit and mourning was deep within him, rushing vast and echoing out. Under those thousands of souls trying to hid his own.

            "We already did." I uttered, eyes lifting while I decided more so to myself. 

           “Come, they will be dealt with.” He beckoned but I just stood there while the jet landed at the same time my own team appeared from different parts of our haven. “Foolish to come here alone. With so many children.” Bucky was the first out, racing up the pathway before sand whirled around his feet to still him. En put one hand out to stop those behind him from fighting and, all at once, I was petrified. “My children. Leave these mortals. Flock here to me and join the new world.”

           “Let our friends go!” Kitty called.

           “Stay back,” Bucky warned Peter and the others.

           “You should not have come.” I was toneless.

           “Steve would have.” Bucky heaved, eyes blazed into mine. “You would have… I promised you. Right before the battle with Thanos. You remember? Come with me. Now.” He put his hand out with so much faith in me and En chuckled, stepping in front of my body.

           “He will locate the Surfer and then we will deal with him.” En was looking at me. “Now.” I was not moving, planted firmly in my spot. “This is our chance. Your chance. It cannot be squandered. Get the answer and we can fulfill the dream we both began.” Bucky strained against his bonds.

           “You don’t own her! Come with us! Just take my hand and walk away.”

           “No, I do not possess her.” En agreed. “Humans always resist the pull. But, they bend. They always do. This is why we must act.”

           “No…” I looked down at my hands, realizing the truth of it all. “They don’t always bend. Asgard too. All these nine realms. Jotuns and dwarves. Elves. Vanir. The living and the dead…it is all the same for us.”

           “If you do not save this world, it will be lost. The sky will fall.”

           “It has been for a long time, En,” I whispered. “But, we’ve endured. All of us. Sometimes that is all you can do. But, it's enough. It means something.” Mary Jane, a girl with no superpowers and a huge heart, rushed forward without a weapon before Peter could stop her.

           “We love you,” she confessed, “so much. Please, come home.” I watched her begin to cry. “I don’t care if we all lose anymore. I…I don’t. I care that at least we can all be together again.” She looked past me. “Harry.”

           “M.J.” Harry swallowed, sniffling.

           “I’ll fight you. No powers. Right now. I win, she comes with us.” Bucky cut in and En was amused but he released him. “Everyone back off.” He let out a yell and his fist was caught by Apocalypse.

           “Pitiful,” En repeated, picking him up to throw him into the rocks. They broke apart and Bucky’s lip bled before he got up and charged again. I watched him fight with no hope of actually winning. I watched him get punched and tossed while the rage flamed his soul. I remembered what it must have been for a sickly, skinny Steve Rogers to fight bullies in an alleyway. He never stopped. He never needed super soldier serum to be Captain America. These images faded together in my head. Bucky yelled out and spat blood. While his hope only grew.

           "I can do this all day." Bucky reeled and fought. Steve was with him between hits, guiding.  

           “Lavender,” my chest quivered and I touched it. “Even still.” Bucky’s nose and lips were covered in dripping blood. He stumbled up and cocked back, only to be splayed into the sand with a swift kick. Breathing, he peered at me and looked up at the dwindling stars going to rest, probably to see Steve Rogers looking back. The sun drew higher. It did not burn. Captain America belonged to all of us because it was a force we created together and kept alive. En set his foot on Bucky’s stomach and I looked from them to Emma and then to Peter and everyone watching.

           “It is time for you to choose. At last.” En was looking into my eyes, hand outstretched toward me. “The weak,” his soul vibrated into mine, “or the strong. All of you will witness today, the power within.” Yes, I felt it. I felt it with the strength of the bursting stars I longed to kiss. My answer shook En Sabah Nur's entire world apart.

           “I choose…life…” I let the realms flutter between my fingers before I repeated, stronger now. “I choose life.” My heart was beating so hard, my entire body shook with the force while I gasped. “I choose life!” En watched me with solemn eyes, truly disappointed. Not like a leader or parent. Like a friend lost at sea.

           “They harmed you. They are blind. The world needs-”    

           “Maybe we know exactly what the world needs.” I shook my head. “Maybe it doesn’t matter. The cycle of life is unchanged. Unyielding. Good and evil always rise. You can’t control that no matter how much it grieves you. But…you can inspire them to fight because they believe in good above all...because they believe it can win. You can bring about hope because it is foolish and painful…and completely necessary. I don’t want to wipe the world…as much as I despise pieces of it. But, I love other aspects more than I hate those artificial pieces, maybe I didn’t before but I am willing to fight against them. Mortals and gods alike are flawed and we always disappoint. We always fall. But, we always fight and love as hard as we can...and create something new and exciting from these great forces. We think it's a commonplace but it's not. It's beautiful. Every single time..." I gasped with hot tears, smiling before I continued.

          "...The sheer ability to choose good from evil. The ability to choose the twisting paths while you find your place because we all have one…that is freedom. A freedom we all have a right to whether we like it or not.  _That_  is the only true freedom there is.”

           “You would save a universe you hate.” En mused.

           “Yes, I have hate. I have so much. I seek vengeance and there is not enough blood to be spilt to make up for the terrible things I’ve seen. And that will never go away. But, hate can exist with love. Easily. You feel it too. I know you do. You let me see it because you love me. The world failed you too, En. But, you are still here. So am I. All of us. There are people on the other side of the line waiting because they love us and because they have hope too... I am not going to make them wait any longer. It isn’t right. I spent so much of my life being afraid. Filling a hole like that with love and hope and hatred and revenge… It can cure. But, there is so much more to be revealed. Loki taught me that from the first...and now I can give it to others. Isn't that exciting? Is it not beautiful? I must go.”

           “I cannot-”

           “You can.” I pressed harder. “Maybe restarting the world is the answer…but I don’t care to know because I think it’s still worth it to fight for this one. Gods can't keep restarting because we'll go mad and the results will always be the same...the only difference... Those followers we inspired will dwindle away. We will be forgotten. I don't want that for any side. Everyone, look around you. We are the same. We’ve resisted and endured.” I was tearing up still. “I love my friends. Mortal and mutant and Asgardian. I love Loki. I love all of you here. Even you…En. You are special to me and you always will be. But, I won’t play this game any longer. We tried.” I turned. “Harry. Peter and Mary Jane love you so much. I know Gwen loved you all. I love you. Go home with them.” Harry watched me, tears in his eyes before he crossed in front of me to go to Mary Jane’s open arms. Peter raced to hold them both, hitching with a relieved sob.

           “John.” Bobby spoke before I could go on. John crumbled and tore forward, hands latching to Bobby.

           “I’m sorry.” John heaved and Bobby cupped his face. “Bobby. I'm so sorry.”

           “I know...I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time. I missed you so much.” Bobby kissed him affectionately, stilling everyone, and Emma neared me.

           “This is it, huh?” She tried to be light, fingers grazing my arm briefly.

           “You want to protect mutants and those children need you to guide them. You’re strong in ways no soul can match and I’ve seen that. I’ve seen you all. Your hopes and fears. Magneto.” I addressed him and Mystique. Angel and Psylocke clasped hands and edged behind Emma and I. “Mutants needs you more than you know at times. You have to keep them together because you’re right…about all of it. Humanity failed you. All of you. But, it's worth fighting for. Charles Xavier would die for you and I know you would give the same to him. Life is precious and to gain back…just a few incredible moments in time together. That’s worth it to me.” I came to stand in front of En while the souls around me began to pulse deeply. Captain America stood like a monument within my heart so I planted myself.

           “ _Move_.” I ordered after. For, no matter what came next, I was the Messiah and I was very much needed. Wanted. Loved. That would not end, even if I had lost my way on the path. I would not let go of the souls I touched, just as they never let go of me. He watched my eyes, so carefully, before his foot shifted and Bucky was dazed, looking to me while I bent down. “Come, Bucky, we’re going home. All of us. We won’t stop Galactus if we’re parted and maybe we can’t stop him together. But, we’ll be together. That matters more.” I pulled Bucky’s arm around my neck while he stumbled before I handed him off to Kitty and Jubilee. “Go.” I whispered. En lifted one hand toward me before two pillars broke from the palace, stabbing into the sand between us to create a gold X.

           “Rethink that move.” Magneto warned, hand outstretched as I stood taller.

           “I created you. All of you. We shared a common vision." En's red eyes darted. "A better world. You would give up this dream. After everything.”

           “That’s just it. I’m not giving it up. You did not create me, you just built yourself. I cannot be your foundation any longer. You have to create your own. I know it can be terrifying. But, you can do it still.” I swallowed. “We lost a friend and we have to live in a world without him. We all lost people who were special to us. A better world won’t be real to me…to any of us…if we have to lose more.” I ducked around the barrier. “Come with me.” Genuine surprise touched his face.

           “You know I cannot. You know how this ends.”

           “Yes, I do. But, I’m still going to ask because you are my friend, my follower, my guide at times, and I love you.” I confessed. “Every soul deserves a chance. A chance to fight and hope again. You belong among this world as I do...and them. You’re lost, but you don’t have to be. You’re here now because you think there is even a flicker of hope that Galactus can be stilled. That we can survive what is next. That’s already enough. We can show the realms the better path. You’re not a god, En, I’ve made you see it. You could do amazing things for mutants in this world and you can let go…of everything they taught you to be. I see it so vast and clear. It took months to uncover the soul in your heart shielded by thousands. Don’t hide behind them any longer. Let go.”

           “Was this your grand design as a goddess from Asgard?”

           “I love you. Nothing you do or say will take that. I love you as much as I love them. Do you hear me, En Sabah Nur? I love you and I will always cherish you and your soul and the things we can and did do together. You helped me and I know I helped you…in some strange way. You love me too. You’ll get your chance because you deserve one…and I forgive you. For what you will do…and now you know what that feels like. It's time for me to go home now.” I reached out to touch his face. “You deserve a home among affection and friends in place of subjects. You still have a right to live in this world because you’re here. We’re here.” He sighed against my hand before his fingers curled around my wrist. “At least kiss me goodbye. Feel everything in your soul because you have one.”

           “You have made me see it. You shall never be forgotten.” En leaned down, lips upon my head before they trailed down to my mouth.

           “It’s funny. I feared that for so many years…but, I don’t any longer.” I looked back at my friends, ready to fight. En made his choice the moment he touched my soul. “Goodbye, my friends.” The portal opened and swallowed us, screams of panic followed. “En,” I wheezed when a sudden electric shock burned me apart. Inside the palace, he pressed me on a table. The room shook as my friends joined, trying to break in but the entire area glowed with his power. Gold metal liquefied to curl around my limbs, holding me in place. “ _En!”_

           “Be not afraid.” He touched my head and I screamed again. My soul glowed and flooded out along the edges of the table. It climbed the walls toward the sky above. “The pain will go. You will be…free. Happy.”

           “I am not afraid…” I felt something squeezing my heart. The stones wept inside me.

            _I am dying_ , I thought.

           “En.” I uttered again, head tipping to one side after I’d scorched him with my gaze. Grey was here, pacing toward me like a siren ready to pull me under the water. “She’s here…” I smiled, fingers lifting to grab onto something. En obliged and curled his hand into mine. Loss collapsed under his flesh.

           “I come…when called.” Grey murmured. “Just like you did once when I designed you.”

           “Soon.” He coaxed. “This dream you’ve forged…it is as real as any pain you feel. Let go.” He spoke my name. “Let go.” My soul was tugged by needy hands and Grey’s face was inches from mine.

            _I am dying_ , I thought again without awe. I heard the shouts beyond the room. Blinking, I could hear my heartbeat, teetering. The screeching of violins beckoned before glowing eyes opened from all dark corners of the room. They had come to collect.

           “I am sorry…” I scratched, “I told you…I’d take you someplace beautiful.”

           “We’re together.” Grey touched my face and my heart. “That’s beautiful.”

           “Let them take you.” En was pushing by force. My soul could no longer compete. Bright eyes flooded down from those shadows. The Norns reached out to grasp me. Tugging.

           “You were  _perfect_ ,” Grey offered. “Time to go home.”

            _Home?_ Home was Frigga’s peaceful garden. Loki’s embrace. Home was Sif’s battle cry and Fandral’s grin. Home was Thor’s persistence and disposition to see the best in the worst. Odin taking a knee to smile at a little, lost girl. The Warriors Three lined up, always together. Drinking. Laughing. Fighting. Hogun’s new daughter. Volstagg’s growing family beyond ties of blood. Alistair stepping in front of a mentally ill woman to defend her. Moira finding love everlasting with Faleen. Elise living free and unapologetic. Home was Steve’s echoing words and Tony’s heart lifting always in response. It was Natasha’s unyielding stance and Jean’s path thought great power and fear to do good. Emma Frost’s will to teach and protect. It was Bucky following a path he created beyond trauma. The Fantastic Four receiving powers beyond imagination and using them to protect the judgmental world. Mutants able to live without shame, hands clasped as one. Home was Peter, M.J., and Harry together at last after loss. Bobby living in the open among accepting friends. Kitty’s hotheaded drive. Rogue’s acceptance of a faithful hand in hers. Jubilee and Kurt learning in a place that was warm. Home was superheroes and gods and mutants and humans coming together for something that was bigger and more terrifying than anything in this universe. Hope. That was home. And it was beautiful.

            _If you were to die, what would you be doing right now?_  Loki asked in my head and I smiled distantly. He was my home. I loved him so. I longed to reach out and touch him. One last time. I longed to tell him how proud I was of how hard he fought and loved.

           “I would…” I started aloud and En was watching me fade, his own soul clenched. He closed his eyes like he couldn’t see it happen to me. And that was it. I'd done it.  _There you are,_ I thought, _right there._ “I would be…”

           I never finished.

           There was nothing. Only at first.

            _Nothing_.

** ** **

           “You seem contented, my love,” Frigga kissed Odin while he stared at the throne.

           “Acting as regent and not King is…strange. I have faith in our sons.” Odin watched his wife carry a vase to place it in the window. Something shifted and he looked up, eye widening. There was a crash when Frigga dropped the vase, water splashed her dress as brightly colored roses of orange and red splattered all over the floor. Petals exploded around her. “Frigga?” He watched her turn, hand against her lips before she began to cry. Odin hurried to hold her, he felt it too. “No…” He merely choked. “ _No_.”

** ** **

           Loki fingered the necklace around his neck. One key. Two rings.

           “I’ll be glad when this is over,” Thor commented next to him.

           “Barnes sends nothing?”

           “Not yet.” They watched the sun rise high into the sky. “They’re confident in him. We must take the Surfer.”

           “Readings point to this location. They will bag him. Perhaps.” Loki watched the thick trees sway against cooler air. His hair shifted around. Fingers sunk into it, sweeping it delicately aside and Loki turned in an instant at the sensation before it was gone.

           “What is it?” Thor touched Loki’s arm, earning a sigh.

           “Nothing.”

** ** **

           Magneto bent the doors apart at the moment the light of a portal faded away. Harry rushed in first, immediately crumbling and crushing both hands against his lips.

           “We were too late.” Mystique dropped her shoulders as they filtered in.

           “No…” Harry tossed himself over the slab, her eyes were still open and wet. Scared. Staring beyond the horizon. “No, no.  _Please_.” Bonds slipped away and he gathered her up, cradling her head. One fist grew tight into curls.

           “She’s gone,” Psylocke’s face pinched and Angel wiped his eyes next to her.

           “She can’t be gone,” he stepped forward. Emma was frozen, unable to move and Bucky slipped to his knees. Harry was sobbing, rocking her and praying into her hair. Nothing. Mary Jane came into the dim light fluttering down on her friend’s body. She touched Harry’s back, crying softly before she reached with two fingers to close the lifeless eyes. The island shook, startling them all. A pillar came down and Magneto lifted his arms out.

           “He’s bringing the island down!” An earthquake split the ground apart. “We must go!”

           “I can’t…I can’t leave her.” Harry scrambled when Kitty and Bobby rushed with Peter, helping them off the platform.

           “We have to bring her body back.” Mary Jane got some breath into her lungs. Magneto struggled to hold the world together, metal curved to open a path for the teens behind him. Rogue slipped, almost tumbling down but he grabbed for her wrist to save her. A wall crumbled to pieces, Mystique raised her hands before a puff of smoke teleported her into sand. She looked up at Kurt, arms wrapped around her.

           “You are my mother,” he stated, soft. Eyes locked. It wasn’t a question. Slowly, she nodded.

           “I got her, go,” Bucky heaved the body into his arms, ushering teens forward to safety. “Everyone inside!” The jet was filled and Emma took her friend’s body, falling into a seat with it while Bucky and Magneto came to the head to get them out of there. Emma watched her friend’s face, still and peaceful, before she placed her palm over her forehead. Her own heart came to a stuttering halt.

           “There’s something in here still.”

** ** **

           “The pulse will separate him from his board, it’s the source of the radiation and the source of his power,” Jane spoke into her mic. Sue was walking along the forest, setting up a device in the dirt.

           “He’s near,” Maria warned everyone. “We’re picking up the same signal.”

           “Johnny and I are ready on this end,” Ben spoke.

           “I’m ready.”

           “Me too,” Sue felt the stillness and looked up, tipping backwards in fright. The Silver Surfer was before her, observing carefully.

           “He’s killed her,” he spoke with a voice like a soft hum. He looked up at the sky and Sue backed off.

           “We have a problem,” she spoke to everyone. “He’s here!” Sue tried to reach for her device but he swerved around her, threatening. She stilled and put up a force field, lips opening when he shifted through it and hovered mere inches from her.

           “She tried to find his heart but, she knew the cost.”

           “Who…Who are you talking about?” Sue swallowed her fear and came to her feet while everyone shouted in her ear. He did not reply, he only watched. “Why are you trying to destroy our planet?”

           “I have no choice.” He was calm.

           “Sue!” Reed beckoned again. “Get out of there, now!”

           “What do you mean…you don’t have a choice?” Sue pressed. “There’s always a choice.”

           “Not always,” he regarded her. “Your friend knew this as well once. I am not the Destroyer. Not by choice.”

           “Galactus.” She watched him visibly cringe and Reed ran toward them.

           “Sue!”

           “Wait,” she waved him off, shield dropping. She regarded the Surfer with a softer expression. “You’re not the Destroyer… You're being forced. Who is dead?” A blast shook overhead from a military vehicle, the Surfer immediately got in front of Sue in a way that was defensive before he rose up.

           “You were not given authorization to engage!” Maria was chiding some agents into the mic. The Surfer absorbed the missile and shot it back, dodging more before he clapped his hands and splintered a whole squad of army tanks.

           “Almost!” Sue was bent over her device while Reed covered her. “It’s up!”

           “Reed!” Johnny called before a button was smashed and the Surfer grabbed his head, slipping into his board and down to the dirt. The shiny chrome surface of his skin tarnished to a matte grey. The board swerved and hovered as if to wait for a master.

           “Thor, Jane, now!” Sam called and sparks lit up the Surfer, sending him into unconsciousness. Many approached at once.

           “Get him out of here,” Nick paced ahead of everyone while Sue kneeled to observe the alien who’d protected her. The same one who drew death to this Earth.

           “We got him.” Janet flew down, sighing with relief.

           “He…He said…” Sue looked up when Tony’s gauntlet began to blink. He paused and opened the call in his suit.

           “Barnes…? Hold on, slow down. Yeah, we’re coming back but we’re going to the Shield HQ in New York first… Bucky, it’s alright, slow down. I can’t… What happened…?” Tony’s mask folded back. “We got cut off. Something’s wrong.” Thor looked at Loki behind him, shaking on his feet.

           “Was…Was she with him?”

           “Honestly, I couldn’t understand him.” Tony was sobered. “We need to go. Now.”

** ** **

           “She’s not breathing. Her heart isn’t beating.” Psylocke shook her head but Emma persisted.

           “There’s brain activity. I can’t read it, but I feel it.”  They had her reclined on a cotton sheet, Harry was gripping one hand to keep the warmth in it.

           “Jean Grey or Charles may confirm whatever it is you sense,” Magneto pulled off his long cloak to drape it half over the body. “He murdered her, but tried to destroy the body after she had passed. Why?”

           “You think…” Jubilee gathered her thoughts. “If there was even a slight chance that she could come back to her body…wouldn’t he try to stop that?”

           “Exactly, my dear.”

** ** **

           “He protected me, why would he do that?” Sue watched Shield agents secure the Surfer down.

           “Maybe he likes you,” Johnny shrugged and tried to be light, exhaling.

           “Government is going to try to take this from us,” Tony appeared around a corner. “Rhodes warned me. We can’t let that happen. The board is in a chamber that continuously scrambles its signal. We need answers. Fast.”

           “Something more is going on,” Reed agreed, arms crossing. Outside, it began to snow heavily.

           “Guys, Bucky is landing now,” Natasha raced down the hallways with Clint and Sam behind her. Thor, Loki, and Jane were already up on the roof when they landed. Scott and Logan had joined them with Charles wheeling steadily behind. The rest of the X-Men and Avengers were joined by the Fantastic Four and Sharon Carter when the ramp tipped down.

           “No…” Jean felt it at the same time Charles did before Bucky emerged first, carrying a limp body half wrapped in a fine cloak. Hair tumbled down and her face was clearly visible. Bucky stopped when everyone followed behind him, tension mounted before he closed his eyes and lowered his head, shaking it. Loki felt his entire soul implode and nothing came to his face. His steps had never felt so heavy before he touched the back of her head and a sob crushed his throat in.

           “I’m so sorry.” Bucky uttered and Loki took her into his arms, dropping to his knees. No one spoke. No one tried to. Bucky backed up and slipped against the ramp, holding his head. Snow fell into her hair and against her cheeks. Loki clenched his teeth, lips opening to speak her name in a sound that cut into the cold air. His head tipped back to scream. Ice crackled around him, his skin faded blue and then pale. He screamed again, pressing her hand to his temple while he begged her to feel and breathe.

           “Loki,” Thor touched his brother’s back and suddenly couldn’t hold himself up. So he fell to his knees and held Loki, forehead on his shoulder. Jane crushed her hands against her lips behind them, unsteady on her feet.

           “Let me through,” Fandral was coming up the stairs, stilling when he saw her. Volstagg, Hogun and Sif all had to grasp him while he wept, many followed.

           “How?” Natasha grasped her own voice after trying with all her might.

           “She…She was trying to leave.” Harry Osborn spoke up. “She told him…that she still hoped and…and she told us to go home. To be with people who loved and fought for us. That she chose life and she couldn't keep you all waiting any longer. It never mattered who was weak or strong. Only that we fought. Together. We always had a choice. She told him to come too but she knew…she knew. We tried to save her but he got away. She was already gone.” Loki’s face was buried into her neck. Fandral’s scream was muffled. Thor was rocking them both until Jane joined to offer some comfort. Natasha’s face was down, tears fell against fresh snow before Sam and Clint came to her. Tony was in a state of shaken muteness, bells rang all over his head and drowned his own sob out. Bruce was seated, covering his face with his hands. Hank and Janet were holding each other. Slowly, Jean Grey looked up at Emma and controlled herself long enough to approach as Loki looked up.

           “Get away from me!” He was gruff, inconsolable. “I have to protect her. I told her I’d… No…No, I’ll keep you safe! I’ll carry you away from all of this. Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone… I love you so much.”

           “Loki,” Thor’s arms crushed his brother’s down and Jean kneeled, a shaken hand touched her head.

           “Emma.” Jean shook her head. “Professor?”

           “What…? What is it?” Loki was sputtering, eyes wide.

           “She is… I feel… It feels like there is…something left over. Hiding.” Jean tried to figure it.

           “She’s not getting any oxygen,” Jane furrowed her brow and wiped her eyes.

           “She’s so cold,” Loki was shrugging off his own jacket to cover her. “She can’t. Get off me!” Loki pushed everyone away and teetered to his feet, rushing her inside. “Back off me! All of you! We killed her! All of us! We asked the world of her. We killed her...” Loki placed her on a sofa and smoothed her hair. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to hide. Please… Get away from us!” Loki broke down, magic sent everything in the room over. Thor was gripping his brother again, pulling him off the body.

           “Loki, please,” Thor begged, still crying. Loki smashed his face into Thor’s shoulder and wept so hard, beating on him. Jean was at her side again and Charles wheeled slowly by her head.

           “You and Emma are right… I see it too.”

           “How can she still be there?” Natasha rushed forward and stilled, Clint was partially holding her up. Sam had Tony’s arm, gripping tightly so they both could stay grounded. Bucky wiped his face behind them.

           “She doesn’t…have a pulse. I don’t understand.” Sam tried to be strong. Steve was gone. She was gone. The Earth could die.

           “He tried to destroy her body…well after she was gone,” Magneto offered, coming to Charles’ side. “Old friend,” he grasped his shoulder. “We’ve agreed…to come together. All of us to fight this threat.”

           “We would have you, Erik.” Charles replied for everyone so easily.

           “She is long gone. The Norns have her.” Sif covered her lips and pulled herself together. Everyone was turned away in a sort of huddle, trying to mourn and work through this because they had no other choice.

           “What…could be left?” Thor inquired while Loki mellowed out into nothing in his arms. “She knows souls. Reading them. Influencing them. Controlling them.”

           “Thor?” Loki muttered, eyes widening at the sight behind him.

           “But, if…if he gave her to the Norns. Tried to destroy her body to ensure nothing could be left…that means… That means we have a chance.” Thor had gone on, Loki was mushed against him and squirming.

           “Thor?” Loki tried again as they all spoke at once but something shifted.

           “How could something be left if her soul is with the Norns?” Hogun swiped a hand over his face and Volstagg let out a cry before pointing.

           “I know what’s left.” Loki was in a state of pure agony and trying to piece his own soul back together while Thor let him loose to turn. Her body shifted up like a marionette, eyes open and unblinking. Joints gave unpleasant cracks. Their friend stood like she’d never learned to walk and touched her lips while they tried to form some words. Fingers tapped around her skin and into her hair while she looked down at herself and screamed.

           The scream turned to a howling cackle they thought would never end.

** ** **

           “Won.” I slurred, lifting my hands. They watched in horror. Not glee that I was alive. Well, not me per se. “I won.” I was still laughing, bent over like I’d taken the crown. And I had. “Aren’t…” My head cocked, arms bending while my spine curved. Holding myself up was a task. Speaking was worse. I slurred and forced words, I hit the end syllable of each one harder than I should have. This would take time. Soon, they’d be happy to see me. “Smile.” I did, wildly so.

           “That…is not my wife…” Loki was painfully astute.

           “You said…that you loved me too. Sweetie. Hate me until you love it. I won. I won. I’m free.” I was laughing again, stepping forward when the Osborn boy looked around.

           “What happened to her?”

           “I pushed…and I pushed. But, nothing. Not even that gold gem... I thought…if she would give me back my body…willingly. She’d be happy…and so would I.”

           “That kid.” Natasha spoke first.

           “What…did you do?” Loki seethed now.

           “En Sabah Nur said if I made her believe that leaving you all was the only option to save you-” Loki knocked me down into the couch, hands around my neck. “And it was... Aether…helped. I barely pushed.”

           “This was your fault!” Loki slammed me into the sofa. Thor and Jane were heaving him off and I coughed, crawling off and under the table in a tattered dress.

           “She’s much happier now.” I watched Loki rage. “I am alive…aren’t you happy? It’s me. It’s your wife.”

           “Bring her back!”

           “I can’t!” I looked up at the redhead, Jean, shifting down to meet my eyes.

           “…Who are you? I can hear…you’re her but also not… Separated.”

           “When I was little, I created a hero of my own to be brave and deal…with the trauma I couldn’t. The lady you knew…I made her. She was a product of disassociation. A new player to carry the game. When you’re alone and enraged for so many years, it twists you. To cope, we split the personalities and that manifested into me…smothered and lashing out. While she went on and lived because I could not.”

           “You’re a jaded inner child looking to settle a score!” Loki pointed, pulling from his brother.

           “Am not!”

           “Are too!”

           “Am not!” I hissed and Thor came between us again. “She hid me because it was the only way to go on. She ga...gave me back control!”

           “You pushed her to it!” Loki shouted back. Everyone watched his mayhem unfold.

           “You think I wanted to lose her?! When she finally was good to me again…” I looked at my hands. “Her soul is gone with those stones. The Norns have her and that man will finish me off if he gets me.”

           “Hey…” Bruce eased his way into the chaos, shifting to the other side. “Keep talking.”

           “She cocooned me in magic and stuffed me somewhere so that man wouldn’t see. I thought… He promised me she’d be happier. The Norns have wanted to take her for years. I didn’t see them.”

           “That really isn’t her…” Tony realized, speaking finally. I shook my head. “Nat’s right. You’re that kid.”

           “I’m not a child.” I began before Loki cut in.

           “No, that isn’t her. That is a piece of her soul left over from trauma. A repressed memory. A piece she hid for a long time. She’d dead… My wife is dead. And this is a cruel joke.”

           “I’m alive.”

           “You barely have a pulse!” Loki exploded. “You’re just a walking puppet on borrowed time.”

           “Liar!”

           “Am not!”

           “Are too!”

           “I am  _not_!”

           “You’re the biggest liar of them all.” I slurred. “You said you loved me.” Loki grew utterly nasty.

           “I only said that to save her. You’re the real villain. You tormented and teased and skipped blissfully, uncaring of the scars you left. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to be a toxic little shit! It never goes away but she sought to live as she was and accept it. She spent too many years trying to make peace! Trying to live as well as she can and give that to others suffering too. She was ill and strong all at once. She persisted but you...you shit on all of it. You can’t blame her for trying to outgrow you. For trying to get by just living with your prodding. You didn't want to get by but she did! She owes you  _nothing_.”

           “Loki, enough,” Thor was coaxing.

           “Put her in a cell and leave her there until she’s willing to give real answers.” Loki was fuming and lashing out.

           “Loki.” I was sweeter.

           “Do not ever dare to speak my name!” He kicked the sofa over.

           “Bucky,” Tony gestured. “Can you take her upstairs? Feed her. Keep a line open.”

           “Right…”

           “I’ll go.” Natasha piped up.

           “Shield needs you, I’ll go,” Bruce touched her arm, squeezing it.

           “Jean,” Charles gestured and she nodded, reaching for me.

           “I don’t…” Harry shifted forward. “I don’t understand, it’s her. It’s you, right?”

           “We’ll explain,” Sharon turned. “I need all of you in the conference room, we have to…work through our new guests.”

           “The fucking Norns have her. She cannot even go to Valhalla.” Loki was still inflamed. “And I have to look at you knowing my wife will not find peace. Knowing this is just meant to torment me because you are not her. …I  _hate_  you.”

           “If the Norns have her, we might still have a chance.” Thor offered and I set my hand in Jean’s so she and Bucky could help me up. “Go, take care of her.”

           “Bruce, vitals too.” Tony added as they led me off.

           “On it.”

** ** **

           “What’s that?” I pointed to a machine while Bruce took my blood pressure.

           “It’s monitoring your heart rate. Temperature.” He avoided my eyes and shined a light into them, causing me to cringe away. “Sorry. Low heart rate. Low blood pressure. Very low temperature. Sensitive to light.” Bruce watched me stare at my hands and sighed.

           “Cut up some fruit,” Bucky set a plate next to me. “That alright?”

           “How about…” Jean began slowly. “You tell us how you’re feeling?”

           “Hurts.” I twitched and lifted a hand to my head. “Since I woke up. My hands are…tingling.” I reached for a sliced pear and missed. Bucky slid the plate closer under my hand so I could grab one.

           “Trouble walking. Trouble with coordination. Speech…difficult.” Bruce was observing me so I watched the floor and began chewing. “Definitely some brain damage.” He rubbed his eyes and I picked up a picture from his desk.

           “Betty.” I pointed. “I remember her face.”

           “Can I ask you something?” Bruce inquired, reaching to take the photo. “You’re talking not like you experienced her life. But, like you watched it play out. You clearly define yourself from her. I wanted to know why you don’t think you can be one in the same?”

           “You and the Hulk. It is different... Would you want to be one with him in truth?” 

           “Fair.”

           “Souls always have a weakness. If you tug on the right thread, they can split. They cannot be the same after. We separate children from adults. She was my adult mask. I was the childhood never experienced. We’re different. I believe things, they become real. Painfully.”

           “Let’s see if we can bring her temperature up. Keep her hydrated.” Jean paused. “It isn’t her. Not really. I can see that clearly.” She rested her hand on the bar attached to the bed while I swung my legs and tried to straighten my spine. All three of them were speaking and I touched her hand, awkwardly at first before I brought it into mine. They paused when I turned her palm over.

           “Soon,” I said, taking her other hand when she offered it. Struggling, I pressed her pinkie down so nine fingers were out. “Nine days.” Shaken suddenly, I pulled away and grew emotional, touching my lips.

           “Nine days until what?” Bruce coaxed and Bucky was rubbing my back. Jean read my thoughts with ease.

           “Nine days until Galactus comes for the Earth.”

** ** **

           “We’ve lost a great friend,” Sam spoke at the head of the room. “We’ve all lost friends. Right now, I know she’d want us to keep going. She’d want us to do it together. I think, with the circumstances…we should put everything aside and do that. I don’t care where you came from, I care that you’re here in this room now. We have the Surfer and his board. Apocalypse might not know, so we have some time.”

           “That thing, be aware, is not my wife. She isn’t your friend. She isn’t your teammate.” Loki’s fists were clenched and pure white on the desk in front of him. “It plays tricks. It always does.”

           “Loki, you are mourning, but please…do not speak to her that way.” Thor was soft. “She’s ill and frightened. Our friend was clever, she left the child behind for a reason. That’s what she is in truth, a child. Lost. Doomed to stay that way forever, we need to remember to have compassion and empathy. She may not be as lost as we believe. No, it is not her in truth but it is the last piece of her we have at the moment. We preserve that…perhaps there is hope.”

           “Magneto and his team confirmed many suspicions we had. Apocalypse is not the being he was when he came to Earth and he certainly isn’t a god.” Janet went on. “They ran some tests, she has brain damage and Jean says that, I don’t know, the girl thinks we have nine days until Galactus comes.”

           “Apocalypse. He wants the board to control this Galactus,” Psylocke cut in. “He got rid of her not just for power but because she was the key to defeating him. Without her, there is nothing.”

           “Why do you think that?” Natasha looked up from her spot.

           “It’s what I would have done,” Psylocke shrugged, face somber.

           “It wasn’t as easy as it should have been for him to murder her.” Emma scoffed. “He caught  _feelings_.”

           “You can fake those.” Tony remarked.

           “You’d know, Stark.” Emma countered. “She seduced him, made it look easy actually. She wouldn’t have made the effort to ask him to come. To spout off about hope and love if she didn’t believe that’s what he felt. You know her, she’s rather good at reading emotions. Also, it’s my understanding that there was an occasion where they got…physical.”

           “ _What?”_ Loki shot up. “I knew it.” It explained the night with Barnes.

           “Sexually.” Emma pressed without a tone until many gagged and shuddered. “I’m sorry, I forgot this was a G-rated meeting.”

           “I want to talk to the Surfer,” Sue piped up, shifting down the stairs. “Why would he protect a human when he’s bringing a world-ending alien here?”

           “Why protect a human, indeed.” Magneto smirked and Mystique followed next to him.

           “What I’m saying is that he let on that he was being forced to do this.” Sue set her hands on her hips. “I want to talk to him when Fury is done. Frankly, I don’t think Shield will get him to talk.”

           “Offense taken.” Clint shrugged and the mood lightened. “We need to figure what we’re doing with that group of supposedly turned villains. My friend died today and I’m a little pissed off about it so naturally, I don’t like you guys here.”

           “We shall figure out such things…after the world is saved.” Charles turned. “Thor, do you believe truly that there is a way to bring your friend back from the brink?”

           “She is a powerful Asgardian. Anything is possible.” Thor and his warriors nodded. “In Asgard, there must be magic that could turn this over but I’m not sure how much longer she has. If I bring this case, perhaps our parents will give us more warriors. Midgard needs the realms together. We must risk opening the bifrost again.”

           “You do know you’re King now, right?” Sif whispered and Thor perked up, hands awkwardly smoothing together.

           “Right, I’ll just…bring warriors… Rally the realms…”

           “We have nine days. We have the time frame and we have to work quickly. Apocalypse will come for her if he finds out she is…somewhat alive.” Mystique spoke.

           “Mystique is correct and I think we should split to do this.” Sharon stood up when Maria gave the okay over the phone. “I can’t believe we’re saying this. Magneto’s team. Fantastic Four. X-Men. I want you all to stay, work together with Shield to secure the world as best we can and find out where Galactus is going to hit first. We need answers from the Surfer and we need to watch him and the board. Thor… Even with the Surfer… A lot of people are still going to die unless we do something about Apocalypse and we can’t fight some alien world eater with mortal weapons, if we had any left. So, I think you should go and find out. Avengers, I need you to bring her back, whatever it takes. Get your answers, your warriors, whatever weapons you need. We need her away from the Earth so Apocalypse can’t find her. Bring it all back and help save the world.”

           “So…that means,” Tony looked up.

           “We’re going to Asgard. At long last.” Thor managed a smile, patting Volstagg next to him. “Have faith, my friends. We will win.”

           “We have a problem,” Bucky hurried in. “We lost her.”

           “We will try our  _best_  to win,” Thor corrected himself and Loki’s chair was tossed over when he ripped up to sprint out.

           “How do you lose a half dead woman?” Natasha and Sam followed with the rest of the Avengers.

           “She said she had to use the bathroom, I left her alone for two seconds. I’m sorry.” Bucky cringed when they got down a set of stairs.

           “She couldn’t have gotten far, Warriors Three, my Lady Sif…scout out for clues,” Volstagg urged and Sif rolled her eyes, bending over to pick up a torn dress.

           “Or we could follow the trail of clothing.” She cocked her head, turning a corner.

           “How do you lose a  _naked_ , half dead woman?” Natasha repeated.

           “Guys…?” Jane had stopped in front of a two-way mirror, peering inside the Surfer’s cell. He was hoisted and strapped to a table, unmoving.

           “Wait,” Sif put her arm out in front of Thor and Loki. Their friend had gotten inside like it was nothing. Wearing an Asgardian dress materialized around her body, she crouched on the interrogation table and her lips moved. Janet shifted to turn on the speaker so they could hear.

** ** **

           “Sometimes, I hear things. Bet…Bet you know what this is like. Norrin Radd. That’s your name. She told me before she was gone. You haven’t heard it spoken in…a long time.” I watched him stare at me. “She’s sorry...for trying to blow to you pieces. You were in the crossfire. She was aiming more so for the board and the cloud behind you. Waiting. You both were just puppets for another. No hard feelings about the fighting…yes?”

           “You had questions.”

           “You remind us of someone.” I sighed. “I don’t see everything. I’m not a person. I haven’t been for a long time. I’m an idea. A belief…so in truth, I can never die. But, I can be forgotten. A fate worse than death. Sometimes it’s easier letting others control you. Sometimes it hurts less because…at least they want you. You’re convenient. Why does Galactus make you do this?”

           “He must feed on energy to survive. Thermal and organic. My board. The beacon. It draws him. Not me.”

           “If they draw the board somewhere else…will he go?”

           “It’s too late.” He watched my face. “He is too close.”

           “If there were forces strong enough to counter him…is there a chance?” I dug my fingers into my knees. “I don’t care about absolutes right now. Win. Lose. That luxury is gone for me. I just want to know…is there the slightest chance that we could stop him.” He considered it.

           “Do you believe it could be so?”

           “…Yes.” The door opened behind me and I scrambled behind the propped up table, fingers touched the Surfer’s and something twisted together. I saw his world at the mercy of Galactus. I saw others he loved. It wasn’t until Loki cupped my face, shouting, that I realized I was convulsing. Lights burst above us. Blood spilled out my nose and I reeled to the side. No one came for me. Loki had to catch me from slamming into the floor.

           “We must go. Now.” Thor was shaking Loki. “We’ll run out of time.”

           “Enjoy these last moments you have,” the Surfer looked down at us before Fandral and Hogun were pulling me up to heave me away from Loki and out.

           “Hold on, my lady,” Fandral offered and I was unable to correct him. They brought me to the roof. Asgardians. Tony. Natasha. Bucky. Sam. Bruce. Janet. Hank. Peter was pulling Mary Jane and Harry along.

           “Take us.” He insisted and Thor gripped his arm.

           “Hold on, my friends. This is our chance to put everything right.” Thor called out. “Heimdall!” Light flooded and Fandral held me closer before we’d gone.

** ** **

           “Welcome to Asgard.” Heimdall removed his helmet in a display of respect before he took a knee. “My King.”

           “Heimdall.” Thor pulled him into a tight hug. “I trust my parents are prepared for this.”

           “You know them well.” Heimdall came to me and the humans craned to see him. “I am truly sorry. She is so missed.” His golden eyes reflected into mine. “I know what you seek. The Norns will not give her back. There will be a price.”

           “I’m willing to pay it.” Thor insisted.

           “It won’t be your exchange to offer, my King.”

** ** **

           Yes.

           I was happy here. There. Somewhere. Nowhere. And so forth. And so forth.

           I got to dance on stars and orbit planets. The cosmos whispered in my ear. Yggdrasil was never boring. Always alive and interesting.

           The Norns welcomed me with warm embraces. They smiled bright when I materialized. Always shrouded. They taught me to dance with grace I'd never known.

           I was not so much Asgardian. I was everything. The turning of pages. The flickering candle. The mighty wolf charging through the forest and the deer it pursued. The shiny sun on golden crowns and steel swords.

           No, I was not a physical being at all. I was a storm wrapped in fine silk. The pound of a blacksmith’s hammer to the white hot blade. Fresh roses pricking into soft hands. Blood in the rippling water. The light at the end of this life and the dark shroud into another. I bent with Yggdrasil’s swaying so gracefully. I was beautiful and coveted. They prayed and pleaded. At last. For me. Many without knowing it. In moments of loneliness, gods and mortals both whispered for someone out there. And I was always there for them while they offered devotion. But, one…sickly. He asked for me by name.

           And so I…

           “Close your eyes.” I filled the room with my cleansing and burning light. “If you look, you will die. Do you wish to die, En? With guilt and regret. You’ve come so far in this world. You would die with no one to kiss your hands. To pray or remember you.” I came down, silk flitting about beams of light. En was on his knees. Sweating. Shaking. Eyes closed and face pointed down. Temptation was dangerous. “If you look back, you’re lost. If they look forward, they’re dead.” I repeated myself from so long ago.

           “It is not…working.”

           “I failed once. Now, you feel it.” I sighed, so calm. So unworried. “You took a soul that was not only not ready…it was not yours. Not of this realm. You've done it thousands of times. But, you took it and did not weigh the cost. And now, I am gone. Your followers have fled because they went with me. Not you. Oh, En. I’ve taken many souls, unwilling. But, I let them flutter on into the next life. My soul is very much alive. Here. It has consumed you. Overpowered you. You'll never control it. You know celestial technology, En. But, you don’t know me. This is a journey you'd never survive. My soul is not just a source of power. It is a magnificent force. Omnipotent beyond belief. A product of trauma and hope. You could spend an eternity trying to understand it while you writhe. Clasp your hands, En. I am here. Pray.” I touched his head. “It doesn’t have to grieve so.”

           “Why have you come after what I did to you?”

           “You’ve hungered so from creation for something, En.” I exhaled. “You will not find it here. Anywhere. There isn’t a soul alive now who would grant you the mercy you seek. I will grant you mercy only because nobody else in this life will. And I won’t ask for anything in return. Not now. I’ll get by just fine. I don’t always get by fine…but I get by regardless.” He fisted my skirts to kiss them before they slipped through his fingers. My scepter was forgotten on the floor behind him. “Pray. Scream. Whisper. I’ll always hear you. Perhaps, you’ll find what you’re looking for…perhaps you already did.”

           “What is it you mean?” He’d asked but I was gone. Candles blew out in sync to leave him in darkness.

** ** **

            _Do you feel eyes on your body? Eyes that covet you so ardently._

“It’s alright, my dear,” Frigga dipped a rag in water and brought it to my lips, cleaning the blood from my face. I watched the Avengers and warriors gather with Odin. Mortals with eyes like saucers at Asgard’s true splendor. “Odin, she will need the healing room.”

           “It won’t be much longer, Frigga.” Odin replied, pacing forward to drop his own thick cloak over my shoulders before he went up the stairs. “Allow her to stay.”

           “She won’t speak to you,” I lifted my head and Odin regarded me. “It will only bring more pa…pain. You have to take me there first. You know where. We appreciate all you have…have done. But, you took something away. Closure.” His eye glittered and my lips spread. “She spoke to you. They all spoke to you… Wandering and lost because…she tore the castle down brick by brick. For them. For him. For you.” My legs trembled when I wobbled to my feet, his cloak hung behind me and almost weighed my body down. Eyeing Bucky, I dropped my gaze and purposefully stumbled into him. He caught me, startling the rest of them. My hand fell upon a small hidden revolver in his pants and I chuckled against his ear. I was all riddles to them.

           “Stop!” Protests began when I reeled backwards between the group and Odin on the stairs. I lifted the barrel to my lips, hushed them until they were silent. My fingers struggled while I fussed with it.

           “Asgardian bodies. Resilient. Most days. Minds. Well, that’s up for debate,” I let my head lull to see Odin two steps above me. “Finally free of the throne and still you cannot leave it. I know what that is like. All too well.” I opened the barrel and let five of six bullets clatter to the floor. “Safety off. Aim… Bang. Right, Bucky?”

           “Give me the gun,” Natasha crossed and Thor stopped her.

           “Let her speak her peace.” Frigga came to further split the groups.

           “We don’t have Midgardian guns here. Similar weapons but…not really. As…Astounding. Those tiny metal pellets can end lives. The fuck are we doing swinging blades around like giant, stupid assholes.” I hitched a high laugh and tasted blood. It echoed all through the palace while I leaned forward. “She researched it for weeks after. I couldn’t get her to stop. Stupid  _bitch_ , she just kept pushing and thinking about it. Obsessed and broke into files just to get answers she never would.”

           “About what?” Tony stepped in front of Thor.

           “Steve! I didn’t want to hear it.” I doubled over and my spine cracked when I straightened. “She tore her mind apart for a way to bring him back in real time and when that wasn’t enough…she cried and cried all over the castle.  _Why?_ She kept up.  _I’ve healed worse wounds. I wasn’t quick enough, he went so fast because three bullets like little bells echoed into his body._ Asgardian bodies are so…stupid.” I went on as her, reciting. “I’ve had my throat split. Wrists opened by my own hand. Carved my face up. Been stabbed over a hundred times. Been drowned by friends. Impaled by steel. Fallen great distances. Choked by loved ones. Possessed by the Norns. Had magic stones ripple my entire nervous system. My intestines torn half out. My heart thickened into a crystal by a deadly stone of power. I’ve been beaten and belittled and raped. My brain shocked to pieces and tossed around in my skull. I’ve been poisoned to near death and had every system and organ in my body fail. I thought I was going to die of that poison sitting in my own piss and vomit. Why am I alive and Steve Rogers is not?! Huh! If this is what it means to have humanity and survive, I do not want it. I was the one to pull him back into this… _filth_. That attack at the mall. I wanted back into the game. I did. I knew he would be willing as well. We were happier cradling the entire world before dealing with our own souls.” I found myself again. “Your friend. My creation. My greatest daydream. My monster…was a fool. I never heard the end of it. I thought she would be happier with Apocalypse. The only being in this world large enough and strong enough to care for a crystalline heart… But, he just… _writhed.._. He fell to his knees because they always do. Three shots.” I repeated. “Would they be enough for me as well? Or will I cheat death because we always did. One way or another. Not always together. Sometimes by force of another. But one always carried the burden of the other somehow.”

           “Put the gun down.” Sam began but I pointed it at my stomach where my ribcage ended.

           “The first one was here. It will damage internal organs. Bleed. Hurt a lot.” I blinked. “I’d probably survive it. I have a question… What do you think my odds are? Without her.” I pulled the trigger and heard an empty click. “Roll the dice. Flip a coin. Spin the wheel.” They all shuffled toward me but Frigga waved them back so I passed Odin to go up the stairs, away from them all. Odin spoke my name and reached out.

           “Give me your hand.”

           “I did once!” I screamed, pointing the gun up around my breast where my right lung was. “Second was here. I’d bleed into my lungs and choke. I might survive this one too.”

            _Click_. Nothing. They sighed with extreme relief.

           “That’s enough!” Loki raged. “This is not a game.”

           “It was for you once. Don’t be so upset with your loss. Just because some of us can never leave the board.” I aimed for my heart. “This will rupture my aorta and I’ll bleed profusely because the pressure that pumps blood through the body will send it spurting over you all instead…” I clenched with tears, breathing rapidly when I recalled her voice once more. “This is the shot that killed my friend. Our friend. Our beloved teammate. I’d seen people die in battle daily…why did this loss reel so? As an Asgardian, I’ll still go into shock almost immediately. It might likely be fatal but…you have to be quick. I could survive. That’s the problem. That there was even a small chance! That’s why it killed her so easily.” I squeezed and heard the click before I was laughing. “Well, I suppose something more certain is appropriate.” I pressed it into my temple. “Let’s see an Asgardian survive this one.” Odin spoke my name again and stepped up the stairs.

           “I know it is not her. But, I know you. I knew you well as a small child. Do you remember? You hid behind Frigga’s legs.”

           “You were the first man to ever be kind to me. The very first one.” I cracked apart. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

           “It started with us. It’s my fault. Not yours. All of it. I didn’t do enough. I knew what was to come from the moment you touched my hand and I didn’t try to stop it. I felt the pull within you...and yet, all I saw was death in your eyes. I should have looked further beyond it. I could have ordered you out of that home and I didn’t. I had a chance to save another innocent child and I didn’t. I had a chance to tell Loki the full truth and I never did... I had a chance to teach Thor better but I didn't. I was wrong.” He beseeched me. “I knew you would grow into the most powerful being in this universe. I knew you would grow to be a great hero…and I knew you could be an even greater villain. I knew the cost. I knew you could make the hardest choices in all these nine realms. I chose you to stand on the steps above my own son…knowing what it would do to you both. We need her back. You created her. It’s a part of you and that will never die. Allow yourself to feel it again.”

           “She doesn’t want you to do this.”

           “I know. But, I must.”

           “Why? To save the world.”

           “Because I love her like I love my own sons and I made so many terrible mistakes. I want to put but a few right. I love you and I am so proud of you. Even now. Can you hear me?” Odin took another step.

           “She won’t forgive herself.”

           “Yes, she will. She can. You can.” Odin let a tear fall down his face. “You have to help me first though. You can save her. But, you have to help me.” Slowly, I lowered the gun. “Please. Save them all. Just as you wanted”

           “Is it braver to die or to survive?”

           “We shall never know. Perhaps, that’s all right. What matters is what we make of our time.” Odin replied.

           “She won’t come. She was ready.”

           “She wasn’t.” Harry Osborn spoke for the first time when a million words flashed over his brain at once. Everyone watched him when he looked around, coming forward. “I saw her. I saw her first. She wasn’t ready. Not at all.”

           “You weren’t ready to lose her,” I shook my head.

           “No, I wasn’t.” Harry mustered the courage. “She wasn’t ready. Her eyes were open. Wide open. She looked sad…and scared. She died crying silently and alone. I know she can hear me now. I know she’s listening.”

           “Yes. She is here.”

           “And I know you’re not her. Because you’re trying to spare a few…and she would try to save us all. It’s not a fair standard.” Harry sniffled. “But, it’s the way it is. She wasn’t ready to go. But, I hope that she knows…at the very least…that she died loved.”

           “ _Love_ ,” I repeated, really tasting the word on my tongue. “We do…so many ugly things for love. Isn’t that funny?” I looked at Odin pleading for me, feeling my own heart crackle and pump. “Isn’t that beautiful?” I made my choice and aimed.

            _Bang_.

           There was an uproar before the gun clattered and Odin stumbled backwards down the stairs. Blood seeped through robes over his stomach and Frigga caught him to hold him up. It was minor, the bullet struggled to even pierce Asgardian skin. Loki grabbed for me before anyone could, shaking my shoulders and when he opened his mouth, all I heard was ringing. Odin pointed at me with a bloodied hand and Frigga barked at us.

           “Let her through! The wound is minor.” She used magic to spread everyone apart. “Come here. Now!”

           “Yes, mother.” I felt my body losing control. The scent of royal blood made my mouth water. Blank, I dropped down to my knees and Frigga had my chin. Her hand cupped, blood made a small pool in her palm before she struck my mouth hard. I tasted it, licked my lips and felt great power flicker up my bones. Odin’s heart beat and I dove but hands grabbed me.

           “Bring her here. Now.” Frigga choked me. “Hold her still! Thor!” Thor’s hands wrapped around my arms. “Let me speak with her. The real one. Take my husband to the healing room.” The Warriors Three and Sif helped him off.

           “She doesn’t want to speak.” I was rocking and shaking, ready to combust. Everyone watched, horrified as I screamed. Odin’s magic consumed me all at once before I went limp.

** ** **

           “Mother, what is happening to her?” Loki stopped only when Frigga pointed with a hiss. His wife opened her lips and magic crackled along her tongue, eyes turned white and then black.

           “Frigga…” The voice reverberated with distant tones. Skin glowed hot. “It’s been too long. You know this won’t be enough.”

           “Why did you come?”

           “You called me, you of all people should now how that works.”

           “It’s her…” Thor looked down and held her tight. “Help us save you.”

           “Save me? I do not need it. But, you…oh, Thor.” She droned and arched when sparks glittered. “It’s too late. You won’t get there in time.”

           “You’re not in Valhalla. The Norns are everything. All around us. But, there must be a place where your soul touches down. A place it is tied to even now.” Frigga touched her hair, cupping the back of her head.

           “Can you think of none?” She paused. “She’s losing the will to keep going, Frigga. Let her go. We tried. Sometimes the world doesn’t want to be saved. Even if you try to force it.”

           “There are things worth fighting for regardless. You taught me this.” Loki uttered behind them, she responded warmly to his voice. Her eyes lifted and shone with hope.

           “I told you once that I might be the toxic person in this relationship. I’m sorry, Loki, for everything. Every single time I tried to fix things, I saw your deaths a thousand times. The only one I didn’t see was mine…until I… The power of my soul was too much for him, he’ll never understand it. You should not come for me. I’m better here.” She looked up, fearfully for once, when trickles of sparks leaked.

           “Tell me where you are.”

           “I’m right here, Loki, I’m always with you.” She tugged at Thor and looked up once again. “The cost is too great, I can’t do it to any of you…” Her breath grew quick. “I’ve said too much. Goodbye.”

** ** **

           “Wait!” Loki had called, hands wrapped around my arms when my head fell forward. He shook me twice, spoke my name.

           “She is gone.” I uttered and Loki touched my face.

           “No, she cannot be gone.” He gripped my hair and forced me forward into his chest. Loki mourned again while Thor released me. I wondered if he’d forgotten who or what I was. I wondered if he cared anymore.

           “Loki, we must take care of what is left if we ever hope to succeed.” Frigga offered, standing to usher the mortals off. “Come, let’s get you all fed and cleaned up. Odin will want to meet with all of us willing in our usual place. Thor.” She beckoned, pointing him off so he’d take them away. “Loki. Take her to your chambers. Clean up. Join us. You both need your strength for what is ahead.”

** ** **

           “Are you alright in there?” Loki asked behind the curtain. Cold water electrified my entire system. I tried to pretend Loki wasn’t acting awkward.

           “Yes,” I stood there under the spray and let it soothe my sore bones. My skin felt raw and torched. Fingers rubbed behind my neck as I covered my breasts with my arms and sighed. “Loki?”

           “Yes.”

           “You’re still here with me.” I observed.

           “I am.” He seemed to realize it too.

           “Thank you.” I turned off the water with magic, lips lifting as I recalled some semblance of power. “Towel?” I reached out and he put a large one in my hand. Wiping down, I wrapped it around myself and slid the curtain back. We locked eyes until he broke the silence.

           “There is clothing on the bed.” Loki didn’t move until I went around him. I dropped the towel in front of the mirror and spread my arms to let magic dress me, eyes closing to inhale. This room. It did not feel like mine. My hair fell down closer to my hips, drying fully when I snapped my fingers. I closed my eyes again and tried to feel the shifting of the gems’ traces along my body. I felt them. But, I did not feel here any longer. Loki appeared, already dressed and pristine in Asgardian attire. My eyes drew to the heart beating inside him. It clouded my senses. He stilled when I moved into his space, eyes filling his own until he could barely take it.

           “You lied to me.”

           “Yes.” Loki let me touch his face, thumbs tracing the curve of his cheekbones. “We never did fight fair though.”

           “No.” I agreed. “You could put me on that bed.” I whispered. “I’d be so quiet if you did.” Loki’s hands locked around my wrists, pulling them down.

           “That’s just it,” he replied. “I preferred it when she screamed.”

** ** **

           They barely looked up when I’d come in, sitting on the very end of the table. Forks and knives scraped. Frigga gave me a plate full of luscious food. My body was too fatigued. Starving. Dying of thirst. But, I stared at the plate. I watched them utter in silent tones and plot a way to put this right. I watched souls beat and toil about with worry. My mouth watered. I felt the room around me shift and grow colder with distant echoes. Loki was across from me watching as my lips parted and everything changed completely. I saw myself on the table instead of the grand feast with my ribs cracked apart. Blood dripped from eager mouths. They put forks inside to unspool intestines and cut into kidneys. Organs splattered along plates and laughter echoed before I…

           Loki spoke my name at the same time Odin came in without a royal escort. In a sudden motion, I was on the floor with Loki’s hand gripping my hair to yank me backwards. Odin stared while I clawed for him. His heart never once picked up.

           “Release her.” Odin was calm and I slid toward him on the floor, shifting instead behind his legs when everyone was out of their seats. Frigga looked from me to her husband, touching her lips.

           “She won’t make it nine days, Odin.” I was feral. Unhinged. Skin sparking to hold any trace of my berserker inside like the first Asgardians from so long ago.

           “She is just hungry,” Odin outstretched one hand without fear and I responded to that alone. Behind him still, I gripped his palm and darted my gaze all over. “It will make her stronger.”

           “It could send her over the edge.” Frigga countered. Tony was the one is dawned on first. I saw the memory in his eyes.

           “You’re talking about…” He furrowed his brow, shaking his head. “None of you saw what I did.”

           “Take her and get it over with,” Loki hissed. “Or it shall be one of you.”

           “Fortunately, there are a few meant for execution soon.” Odin turned and pulled me up, sheltering me with one arm.

           “Why have I not seen Alistair? Elise? Healers?” I had asked after we left the room. “Mother?”

           “The palace has been closed off today.” Odin still had my hand. “Healers are to remain in that wing unless otherwise instructed.” We went into the bowels of the palace.

           “Why did Nerien pick me?” I went on after so many years of thought. “It wasn’t about my soul or my trauma or any of that. He picked me before I saw his eyes.”

           “No, it was not.” Odin brought me to the window. Two men and a woman were bound down to chairs. Lined up. Mere hours from execution. “War criminal. Mass murderer. Serial rapist.” He told me. “Pick.” I inhaled sharper and watched him open the door.

           “I’ll take them all.”

** ** ** 

           My smile was airy like a song, light and crisp as I watched the map of Asgard lift before all my friends came in from above. Odin and I locked eyes.

           “I am feeling much better now,” I nodded once to assure him I was safe to be around. Loki hurried down the steps with Natasha behind him while I hummed and played with my dress.

           “Is she drugged?” Natasha wondered, Bucky looked over her shoulder to see me. In a daze, I watched the hologram flutter about.

           “The last one tasted like peaches and charcoal. Another burned like Asgardian whiskey.” I’d remarked. Natasha was bold enough to take my chin and I blinked. “I’m fine. …Her soul is hiding. Just like mine was once.” They backed off me when Frigga ushered them up a step. Under soap, I could still smell blood on my fingers. Frigga joined Odin and beckoned for me to stand. It was easier now. I felt charged again. “You want me to defy her, I can’t.”

           “You would not be defying her. You don’t know where she is.” Sif remarked from her seat and I smirked at that.

           “You’re the key to sensing and locating her.” Thor continued. “Try and think. Where is her soul lingering on this realm?”

           “She will reach out to you alone,” Loki added. I touched the map of Asgard and spun it to watch the colors go round.

           “I cannot pinpoint any exact location but, I can bring us to a few. She is a Norn now. Her soul is not static. It’s all over. So, one place could lead to another until we find the source. They will not answer from sacred waters, the cave is out. The closest would be my old childhood home. I take it that it is empty still?” I looked up and Frigga nodded.

           “Yes, since your stepfather’s death and your mother moved out.”

           “Does mother know that I am here?” I wondered and Odin shook his head. “Keep it that way. She made her peace with mother…I feel no such forgiveness.” I picked up my home on the map and crushed it to let the light flit through my palm, lips lifting. “You really think finding her will save these worlds?”

           “I’m certain of it.” Thor replied for everyone around us. “I know another place. That mansion. We traveled together, got lost in rain and our vehicle failed. We took refuge in an abandoned manor with a hold of its own. We could try there next.”

           “It could take two days,” Sif began, “to get to this place and back…but, I believe that I know a third destination.”

           “She could not break such sacred ground.” I decided. “Those elves own it. They did.”

           “She could ask nicely and be out in the open.” Volstagg shrugged and beamed.

           “Tell me why Nerien picked her,” I hissed this time at Odin. “Both of you know…and you know how this will end.”

           “Dear, you are aware that fate is a fickle master.” Frigga clasped her hands and squared her shoulders.

           “You might be its slave, but I am not!” I shot back, calm instantly before I lifted one palm. “Forgive me… Moira knows too…is that why she was separated from me? Nerien knew all about us before he came. My finding him first was not an accident.”

           “He was an Asgardian elf in the high service of their own royal,” Odin explained, “he could have easily spent time in our royal province.”

           “Now is not the time to withhold information,” Loki stood and came down to Thor’s side on the steps. “That elf altered her entire life. He altered Asgard and that rippled through the rest of these realms. He woke the infinity gem they held and that drew the rest. He made my wife the center of it all. Souls gravitate to her naturally.”

           “Loki is right.” Thor affirmed. “Everything can be traced back to that moment in time in the snow. But, Nerien picked her for a reason. He likely watched our house for weeks until the opportunity arose. He practically tossed himself at her feet because he’d chosen her prior to meeting her in person. He knew who she was and now I am certain.”

           “If you have information that could help us,” Natasha began behind me in her seat. “We’re going to run out of time.”

           “There are people on Earth fighting and we can’t let them down.” Jane added and Thor smiled at her.

           “Trust your instincts. You have to discover it for yourself.” Frigga sniffed, blinking rapidly and I shook my head. “Then you will return to us.”

           “Sometimes, Frigga, I really wish you left her in that lake.” I turned to go up the stairs. “Rest while you can, we have a harsh journey ahead. They will test us at every turn.”

           “I’m glad I did not.” Frigga stopped me mid-step. I didn’t turn. “Just so we are clear.” Rubbing my arms, I cocked my head and continued up to get out. It was snowing out past the arches and footsteps hurried to catch up.

           “Jane.” I brought my eyes to her face and she lifted my forgotten cloak so I took it after a moment of doubt.

           “Weird being back. Like this, I mean.” She remarked, arms crossing while I faced the open arch to see the blank grounds below. Snow misted to cover them as I warmed myself, closing a clasp on my shoulder while fabric draped all around to my feet.

           “Yes.” I agreed.

           “She knows we’re coming for her.” Jane persisted. “She’ll put up a fight.”

           “She isn’t what you need to worry about. The Norns will fight it more. They tried hard to get her into their grasps for many years. We will have rotten luck in our travels…but, of course it will not be luck at all. They will slow us. Attack us. They will try to conceal the truths hidden for so many years. The final pieces of the puzzle. Pieces she died to uncover…and I have to pick them up. I suppose I deserve that after what I’ve put her through since the creation.”

           “You won’t do it alone this time.” Jane offered in the most even voice she could muster. She dropped her hands and clasped one into mine. I felt a flicker of certainty. An outpour of fear. A dash of hope. That was always enough.

           “This will be your home one day.” I let her go and turned to pace off. “You should get to know it while you have the time.”

** ** **

           “You’ll be safe here, they’re good people.” Peter held Mary Jane tight and Harry was tugged into their embrace. “We have to go with them.”

           “Nothing to fear, Peter Parker.” Frigga touched Mary Jane’s shoulder, beaming. “She will be quite safe and comfortable with us.”

           “Take care of each other,” M.J. watched her boys go off. I turned to see Loki set a bag into our vehicle. We hoped to be inconspicuous with a few smaller barges at a decent speed. Sam strapped his shield to his back and nodded at me.

           “You ready for this?”

           “I have to be.” I met his gaze, snow was still falling so gently along Asgard. They provided us with days of necessities and clothing.

           “Nice armor.” He regarded the black pieces and I smoothed my hands over them.

           “It is from…a long time ago it seems.” I smiled in a twitch.

           “I know I’m supposed to separate you from our friend. But, frankly, there’s a part of her still alive in there. We’ll get through this.”

           “We will try.” I agreed in a puff. “You have not disappointed him. Steve. Or anyone. I imagine you never will, Sam Wilson. Captain America.” I watched him smile a little brighter before I took Loki’s offered hands and boarded a vehicle. Thor, the Warriors Three, and Sif came to the helms of their own, silently starting them. Sif smacked Tony’s hand from a lever, amused.

           “Just trying to study what I can.” Tony remarked before he cried out, falling into Hank’s lap while Janet laughed when we began to take off. Odin watched with Frigga and Mary Jane behind us. They waved and I lifted my hand before they disappeared behind a row of trees. Loki sat across from me, one palm on the controls. Behind him, Fandral caught my gaze and looked away with a solemn expression. They didn’t want to believe I was dead and dying. They didn’t want to believe we’ve already lost. Pulling my cloak over myself, I puffed on cold air while we shared a silence in our own vehicle. I’d told him it wasn’t safe to be close to me. He agreed.

           “First stop.” Loki was leading the rest of the barges on, it wasn’t long before we were landing.

           “Easy enough.” Bucky remarked while they looked upon my old house.

           “Just wait.” I let Sif help me down the step. Snow crunched under my feet. “Somehow smaller than I remember.” Wind chilled me and my cloak shrouded my entire body. With all of them behind me, I took the first few steps forward and stopped when the fear licked my brain. For a beat, I let the snow cover my hair and remembered every moment under this roof.

           “Not going in alone,” Natasha reminded me, coming closer to my side.

           “She was here.” I blinked, lips parting before I kneeled to pick up the largest stone I could fist in one hand.

           “So, this is your childhood home?” Janet began.

           “Yes…” With a startling cry, I hurtled my stone into the oculus above the front door. Thor caught me before I could fall and I got my footing. “That helped,” I breathed, “let’s get this over with.” Trudging carefully with them all in tow, I stopped on the top step and kneeled to swipe the snow from the empty porch. With the mat gone from it, I traced the large indent my father never fixed. Where she’d left that cursed axe. The sight made me smile to myself. “She always did find ways to defy him when I was too cowardly.”

           “I feel it too now,” Loki was looking past me, fingers on the wooded rail. “She was here.” He reached ahead of me, hand twitching to open the locks with magic. “After you.”

           “Welcome,” I sighed, out of place in this empty house. I looked around and tried to feel something connect. Tried to become familiar again. Loki wordlessly lit the lamps with one wave.

           “You’re shaking.” Bruce observed before I realized it. They spread out, walked around. It felt intimate. More so than I liked.

           “I am frightened.” I circled the living room. Loki observed from the kitchen opening. Natasha and Jane stood in the hallway. Harry paced from another doorway, pausing. “I never thought I’d leave this place. Something in me never did." More of our friends came from cleared rooms. A few old pieces of forgotten furniture were covered by sheets. They watched me trace walls and struggle to grasp for something. Anything. I stood in my old room with Fandral, pressed my foot against the loose floorboard where I’d hide my cutting tools.

           “Come here often, my lady?” Fandral recited and I turned to see his face, recalling.

           “To my own room…no.” I remembered and he beamed at me, turning. For a moment, I just stared at where the bed once was. Bruce was at my side again and he took my hand because he  _knew_.

           “House is clear.” Janet appeared, stilling. “Sorry.”

           “No, it’s fine,” I sniffed and released Bruce’s hand, passing to go back into the living room before something twitched against the back of my skull. I touched the spot and felt it throb.

           “You doing alright?” Tony was soft and I looked up at his face, eyes searching.

           “He needed me…more than I needed him. Bad parents usually do.”

           “Yeah,” Tony about scoffed, eyes shifting away. “They do.”

           “I lived in this house for too many years.” I circled again. “When my father would… I didn’t realize I did it. I would go somewhere else. I’d press into the wall and try so hard to retreat into it.”

           “You’d disassociate. It’s common.” Bruce offered.

           “The walls. We’re inside them still…with him.” I touched a dent and felt my head throb again. “Nothing really changed…except this wallpaper. Father pushed me hard. Sometime after my first battle as an official warrior of Asgard. My head…I remember the crack I left. Mother didn’t address it after. I came later and this…awful wallpaper was up.” Scratching my fingernails into it, I began to tear it from the walls until Hank crossed to help me. My thumb traced the crack in the indentation and I turned to press my skull into the mold. They stared for a lingering moment so I closed my eyes and opened them. “Come on…I know you’re here. You decided that day that he didn’t own us. Come on.” I huffed and shrugged, coming forward. “I don’t feel anything.” I trailed off when I observed them displaying various looks of shock. “…it’s right behind me. Isn’t it?”

           “Don’t turn…” Loki slid forward. “Just…give me your hand. Slowly.” The second I gripped him, Loki about ripped me forward and I spun to see a smoky liquid pouring from the crack to the floor. The walls rippled apart and Thor was shoving everyone forward into a group as it surrounded us.

           “Hold steady. Be on guard.” He ordered. It peeled from the floors like tar and materialized, glowing now in one humanoid mass. “Jane. Mjolnir.”

           “Got it,” she waited until all the substance was together before Mjolnir sent it splattering into the walls. It bounced back and everyone was separated from me. Thick liquid smeared them all into the walls, threatening to devour us all whole. Loki called my name before his lips were covered and I was planted into the floor by my feet. I struggled to move, watching them all kick and claw. The mass seeped down from the ceiling, dropping in front of me before tendrils whirled and I looked into my stepfather’s eyes.

           “You came home to me.” He cupped my face. “Those eyes. I remember them. Fondly. Shh. Don’t tell your mother. You don’t want to hurt her…do you?” Hands slipped around my neck and I couldn’t speak. I just stood there stuck and shook apart. Cries behind me went unheard. My hands came to his wrists, clawing while I was paralyzed. Stepfather opened his mouth and a dark tongue elongated to wrap all around my jaw, forcing into my mouth and down my throat. He tugged me forward and his mouth unhinged, I screamed at last when I was pulled toward it. The mouth stretched wide enough like it would swallow me in one piece as he so longed to do.

           “Peter,” Harry strained, arm caught against the wall while he tried to press a button. Peter got the idea and webs flung out to hit it before blades tore forward so Harry could break himself free. Harry Osborn never had a chance to stand up against his own terrible father. Blades sliced into the apparition when the mouth was almost past my shoulders. Everything was slimy and wet but I was pushed backwards, free of it. Harry was on the floor, shielding me now with his back pressed against my chest and one arm out. Slime caked my face and I hurried to wipe it off with my cloak.

           “Duck!” Natasha warned, using her free leg to kick the gauntlet struggling to form around Tony’s arm before it powered up and blasted the matter backwards. Sam’s wings opened to cut himself free at the same time Janet shrank down, trying to slice Hank and the others out. Loki hissed, eyes glowing red before a chill froze over his bonds so he could break free when they shattered.

           “Jane!” Loki called, blasting ice before lightning charged to shatter the mass completely apart. I coughed and tried to get up with Harry’s hands on my arms, helping me.

           “Why?!” I screamed, yanking forward in front of them all. “Why did you do this to me?!” The mass slowed and stilled along the walls when my fury grew before my voice frosted instead. “You…You  _never_ owned me. Not like you insisted…day after day. You couldn’t stand it because you are weak and you are nothing. Despite chances to be something else.” I saw his face materialize, slinking down in one motion to meet my eyes. Smoldering into his like they always did. “You obsessed over your legacy because you knew it would die with you…so you marked me. Obsessed over controlling me. Poisoned my entire being if it meant a part of you could live on. But, you knew I’d never be yours. Ever.”

           “You goaded me. You made me feel so…” He growled and my shoulders dropped.

           “I made you? Isn’t that always the start of the excuse?” I furrowed my brow. “You ruined my life and nothing can fix that. But, that doesn’t mean you control me now. That doesn’t mean you’ve ever been the one in power because we  _defied_  you, even if it was few and far between…and I can live with that. But, you can’t. You never could. You’re nothing but an eclipse in my life. Passing, hard to look at, and utterly  _meaningless_. The world will forget your name.”

           “You won’t.” He formed into a body and I stepped toward him.

           “Maybe not.” I drew even closer.

           “What are you doing?” He reclined back and I continued until he was against the wall. Tables turned. “No, don’t do this. I stepped in. I took care of you when that  _beast_  decided to leave your mother. I stepped in and loved you when no one else would because you weren’t like them. Any of them. They couldn’t love you like me.”

           “Did you now? Fooled me.” I sighed, pushing him further.

           “They said you were lucky…to inherit more of your mother’s genes than you realize.”

           “I look nothing like her.”

           “So, they made you believe.”

           “Time for you to go now. You used to pray.” I lifted one hand. “Let her love no one. No one but me.” My fingers stretched and he backed into the wall. “Your prayers were answered. It was a harsh and fiery no. I didn’t love so hard  _to_  spite you though. I loved  _despite_  you. You are useless.” I kept repeating. “You are not worthy to look into my eyes. You are not worthy to even live among the monsters underneath my bed. You are not worthy to be free of these walls I left you in. So go. Haunt me. Lust after me. Obsess in your tomb.” My fingers curled and he pressed into the wall like I had once. Fear. He yelled out, backing further as he was sucked back inside. “You died the day I melted your prized axe down.” My hand pressed against his face, scorching it while he screamed. “Just an eclipse. Nothing… Nothing.” I shoved in a mighty swoop and ashes burst against my skin. They fluttered down and I stood there, one arm wiped them from my face.

           “One down,” Fandral came to me, taking me into his arms. “I am proud of you,” he’d whispered and I sighed into his chest.

           “More to come,” Hogun warned. “We must rest and get cleaned up before we continue.”

           “He knew the truth of you.” Thor began quietly. “The truth your mother must have hidden. The truth my parents and Moira have discovered… The reason Nerien picked you and sent you on the path.”

           “I would rather die before I let that worthless pulse tell me who I am ever again.” I replied before he could ask the question. Thor beamed at me this time.

           “The sun has gone down. If we are to go through more trials…we need our strength. It appears we’re playing into a developing game.” Sif observed, earning reluctant nods. “My friend was always rather cryptic.”

           “Not always,” I began, shrugging. “Actually, fair.” Fandral was leading me out. I never once looked back.

** ** **

           “We do not even know if that mansion stands, we could be wasting precious hours.” Loki packed a few sleeping mats into our vehicle with magic and I shrugged.

           “Eight days.” I paused. “We’ll find out.” He took my hand to heave me up into a seat and I stumbled, head spinning around.

           “You’re weakening again.” He nodded to Thor before we lifted up at once to charge forth. “Come, lie down here.” Loki pulled a blanket up. “I’ll wake you when we arrive, you need to preserve what strength you can.” Hesitating, I instead put my head in his lap.

           “Ensure I wake.” I closed my eyes, curling up. Loki put his free hand on my head, thumb smoothing into hair. Sleep felt like a dreamless blink through the span of hours. We jostled and I roused before Loki squeezed my arm and called out something I didn’t catch. Our ship jerked and turned over completely, Loki fell against the floor of it with me in his arms. He held to a bar to keep us inside and uncrushed when it skidded forward through frozen ground. Other crashes sounded and footsteps trailed after silence. Groaning, I felt Loki shift and release me so we could look between cracks as Thor flew to the front of our groups. Avengers and Asgardians littered the snow, helping each other up and Loki held me in place.

           “I, Thor Odinson, King of Asgard, request you to immediately stand down.” Thor barked at the head. The leaders gawked at him of approaching raider groups.

           “Marauders.” Loki huffed silently at the small army of enemies coming out of forested areas. Thor was laughed at.

           “Turn over the women and valuables!” Came a retort.

           “It’s a test…I’m not sure how,” I muttered and Loki nodded.

           “You are interrupting a royal diplomatic mission-” Thor was cut off as I pushed our ship up and stumbled to my feet. The enemies took notice of me and a few gasped.

           “Her… She returned to Asgard?” One man, twice my size, dropped his weapons. Thor looked a little offended.

           “Aye…what of it?” He puffed out his chest while I paced forward, groaning and annoyed as I went. "Does my return not rattle you at all?"

           Words like  _first step, executioner_ , and  _puppet master_  were uttered.

           “My King…have mercy. The soul flayer. Not her. Run! Retreat!” Many were racing to get away. Men and women three times my size cowered.

           “Yes… You had better run!  _Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”_  I growled for effect, hands lifting to claws and Thor set his hands on his hips when I shrugged at him.

           “Ozymandias…right? Hey, you got a reference quoted correctly.” Tony remarked with genuine pride and I crossed my arms, beaming.

           “Everyone all right?” Sam assessed the damage as the Warriors Three tried to turn more ships over. Marauders sprinted past us out of fear but a woman stopped when my hood fell over my hair fully, letting it tumble down.

           “Curls like blood…” She whispered as if in a trance. “That’s what they said.” Next to Thor across the snow, I stopped to meet her face. “A woman, in tattered armor, she opened the great falls and wiped everything away…” This marauder had a circlet around her crown.

           “Bones and jewels…” I cocked my head and Thor touched my shoulder. “Oh… _fuck_.”

           “What is it?” Thor put his hand out when ten raiders stopped to join the woman as if to protect her. She was clearly one of their leaders.

           “There was a battle. We lost. Those who survived spoke of a woman with hair like yours. A peasant girl right off the farm who defeated my parents… Admit it.” She lifted an axe and I laughed outward because this was my life.

           “Farm ladies are actually better off than my side of the city, I’ll have you know.” I’d corrected and she fumed so. “These things don’t matter when you join the service of royals early. But, I digress…”

           “It is you. You did it…” She went on, whispers about her.

           “I told you we would have rotten luck, Thor. Again, the past comes back.” I tossed my hands out. “It was war, you lost. We all carry dead.” Behind me, my friends came closer on the defense.

           “Did you kill my parents?!” She raged at me in one outpour.

           “You know, it’s fair to swear revenge. I’ll give you that. You probably trained your whole life for this and I owe you a battle. But, this won’t be a battle, it shall be a slaughter.” I stood taller. “Yes, I did. Gave Thor the credit. Technically, Thor did finish the king early after I landed a fatal blow. Never seen internal organs come apart like that against Mjolnir, I’ll admit.” She was furious and undone and I was dirty so I kept taunting her. I was horrible. Good. “Your mother challenged me, goading…and I took her apart. I didn’t know she was royal until your father began to scream. I can still hear it now. In almost any scenario, he would have torn me apart but I picked the one where he couldn’t because that's what I am trained to do. Now, I’m certain you want to display my body on a spike…but, I am asking you…giving you one chance to walk away. War is war. We’re all great murderers. There is someone you love I’m sure…walk away with them now.”

           “You think you can persuade me, do you take me for a fool?”

           “I’m about to… I’m getting hungry again.” I put my hand out to Thor, stepping forward. “There  _is_ someone you love. Perhaps, they stand with you now, hoping to protect you.” I scanned the souls in flickers and saw a man’s heart pick up before he stepped closer to her. “Ah. Easy enough. Leave. You don’t know why fate put you here so defy it and just go home. Live to raid innocent villages another day before another bout takes you down later in life. Your future children will swear revenge for you and their children will do the same after. Challenge me now, the wheel stops spinning because that’s what I do. I twist and destroy the wheels of fate.”

           “You’re going to die.” She stepped toward me and I sighed.

           “Heard that before. Gods, I wish.” I turned around. “I’ll give you one strike. Open my skull or walk away and live.” I stared at my friends and crossed my arms, eyes rolling when I heard a battle cry followed by her sprint. “Disappointing. Not for me. Ah, those heavy weapons…always forgetting to shield your legs.” I dunked down and spun, tripping her while the axe ripped from her hands. “You all can help, you know…” I perked up and stood over her before two groups collided. The battle ruined the pristine snow. I lifted her by the hair and slipped one arm around her neck, dragging her back toward the trees so I could finish her off away from the others.

           “Let her go!” The man came flying toward us before a mass of jagged ice spikes charged from the ground, impaling him all over. The woman in my arms screamed and screamed while Loki came around, skin bright blue. We locked eyes, finally on the same level of pure villainy. Oh, it was beautiful.

           “He was handsome,” I remarked, eyes turning to Loki again before I continued and left the lingering battle behind me. “This part is always the hardest, I’ll ensure you don’t feel it though.” I was surprised when Loki followed to watch me. Her heart was still warm and beating as I coddled it to life for as long as I dared. Crouching in the snow, I kicked her into a still pond and waited until it turned bright red to shed my cloak and dive in after. The cold pricked my skin like needles but I was euphoric again, pulsing with the power of new souls to keep what was left of mine charged. The waters were still and silent, so I closed my eyes tight and stayed there until I had to come up. Briefly, I felt the tug of a hand around my ankle.

            _Nerien?_

           It lasted not even a second before I resurfaced, half frozen to death when Loki tugged me out and covered me in his cloak.

           “Make a wish.” I’d offered, melodic. He said my name and I smiled, fading fully into unconsciousness.

** ** **

           “She won’t wake up,” Loki carried his wife, all bundled up.

           “She’s breathing.” Jane assured him.

           “Let’s get her inside this place.” Tony motioned toward the mansion. “Something tells me she’ll wake up and the sun is going down. Creepy Asgardian mansions…awesome.” The mortals went forth and stilled only when the Asgardians lingered behind them. “If you guys are scared of this place, what the hell are we doing?”

           “It was hard for all of us in there.” Fandral touched his neck and drew forward after a moment of thought.

           “Well, you get the official mortal Avenger and Osborn escort,” Natasha quipped. Harry smirked to himself at that. They went into the first room and Loki lit the lamps again as wind whistled and hushed. He set his wife down and ensured she was warmed before looking around. Bucky came over to rub more warmth into her skin when Loki was busy.

           "I got her."

           “We could get a fire going,” Bruce began but every Asgardian protested.

           “No!” None needed to elaborate.

           “Loki? Feel anything?” Thor inquired and Loki huffed, shrugging.

           “Not like I did before… I was sure this place would have something.” Loki rubbed the back of his neck. “Where are you?!” He echoed before Thor covered his mouth. “ _Mmmfff!”_

           “This place really got to you guys…” Bucky tilted his head in question.

           “We had a spiritual experience of sorts.” Hogun answered and Thor let Loki free. “All of us together…we became closer after. You remember?”

           “Yes, we suffered alone and then as one… When we came together, we overpowered the forces trying to pull us apart. From ourselves and from each other. These things happen.” Volstagg plopped into a chair.

           “Nice to know the Avengers weren’t the only ones fucking up.” Tony offered and a few of them got comfortable around the room in chairs and windows. “Frankly, we shouldn’t have blamed Psych for pushing so hard.”

           “My wife and brother saw too many families broken apart. They would not allow another to follow.” Loki spoke after a beat. “The loss of Captain Rogers took a toll on you all but I know she shouldered blame because she felt she pulled him back into this world.”

           “We all did.” Sam exhaled.

           “Asgardian technology isn’t like mortal technology. If Steve was here… If he got that type of healing…she thinks he could have made it. It’s frustrating. Science. So much and not enough at the same time.” Jane commented and Janet nodded next to her.

           “What if we get to her and the grey child doesn’t let her back in.” Fandral wondered. “What if we are too late? What if she doesn’t want to come back truly? We cannot force it. She has to believe it as hard as any of us.”

           “She will.” Loki was certain.

           “Can’t imagine what they’re trying to do on Earth.” Natasha sighed. “Clint and Sharon must have their hands full.”

           “The fact that it’s quiet…it is a good sign.” Bruce shrugged.

           “Apocalypse has the power of her soul but I know he is struggling with it. I know she watched him toil. She wouldn’t be able to help herself. That is a good sign as well. He is an ancient being with forces beyond his understanding and control. This is not his time. That could work in our favor now.” Loki was petting her hair while her head lulled in his lap when Bucky shifted so he could take his place. “Ask yourselves…if and when we get her back. If and when the realms are saved. What then? Will she go on with life? Friend and teammate. Do you punish her for standing with him?”

           “We cannot think about that now.” Thor furrowed his brow.

           “You are King of Asgard.” Loki was harsh. “Frankly, you should be thinking about it more than anyone. It will be your decision.”

           “I know why she did it.” Thor began, trailing off. “I know why you did what you did as well. When the time comes…we all shall do the right thing.”

           “Was that what she did when she betrayed them? Betrayed us?” Loki inquired easily. “Perhaps… The right thing is not always easy. Nor is it always good. But, I’m just the god of chaos…I shall never understand.” He smiled this time. A melancholy sort of expression rarely displayed in the open. “I’ve long forgiven her. Not because she is suddenly good. Not because the pain is all gone. Not because she is blameless. There is still evil and pain and blame to be shared. But, I know in my heart she can come back from this and so can I. I didn’t know that before and we all paid a price. Nothing will be the same after this but perhaps, there is something good from that. Something to look forward to.”

           “This wasn’t her test.” Sif began. “It was ours.”

           “Losing Steve almost destroyed all of us. Losing her to Apocalypse almost repeated history. But, it didn’t. We came together and even though she stood on the other side…she saw us do it without her. I think she was proud. So, we’ll stay together whether we fail or not. It’s just what a good team does. I don’t blame her for leaving when things mounted the way they did. But, she came back still. Tried too. Knowing we might not forgive because we don’t have to. That always means something. We can’t let ourselves get knocked back again.” Sam added. “He wouldn’t want that. Neither would she. I just…”

           “Go on.” Thor coaxed.

           “I wish we got to say goodbye to Steve.” Sam admitted, swallowing the pain. The air shifted.

           “I wish we could fight alongside him one last time.” Bucky touched Sam’s shoulder.

           “All of us, together again,” Natasha smiled, nodding as she noticed her friend twitching. “Hey…she’s moving.”

           “Sweetheart?” Loki gasped when her eyes flew open. All black and glowing brightly. She lifted limply to her feet, toes just barely off the floor. “Wait, stand aside…don’t touch her.” Her body was so still and hovering forward like a spirit, unsettling the room as it floated on a path out.

           “We have to follow…don’t we?” Tony made a face, on edge, but he was the first to walk forward. They followed, carrying lamps, down the long hallways. Flowers bloomed out of cracks as she passed them in her trance, feet almost dragging along the floor. Pictures came to life within frames. Chandeliers flickered on above. Vines crawled with her across walls. They came upon a familiar destroyed room, pools of water were half frozen as the air chilled and still, the vines crawled all over with flowers blooming lush. Peter stepped on a book and lifted his foot to pick it up.

           “What is it?” Jane crossed to stand next to him and Harry, reclining to see.

           “I’m not sure.”

           “It looks like a family or guest ledger. Rich people, right?” Harry remarked and Jane was amused.

           “May I?” Thor extended a hand. “Watch her.”

           “She stopped, not going anywhere.” Janet watched their friend still before a grand broken staircase. “This looks like a ballroom. What was this place?”

           “We’re not certain. There are many abandoned houses, Asgard has a rich history. Chances are they held grand festivities for athletes, artists, and warriors.” Loki crossed his arms.

           “Do you recognize any of the surnames?” Hogun asked and Thor shook his head. “Family or visitors?”

           “No. Loki?” Thor handed the book over and Loki stilled as the room changed, glowing gold. A ruined piano in the corner began to play and Tony pressed into Bucky next to him.

           “We’re in the damned Haunted Mansion.” He shuddered. In an instant, a vision overtook them all to repair all the damage. Tables covered in lavish food. People in ancient clothes materialized from the floor as the group backed toward walls to watch the scene take flight. Loki saw his wife lift up the staircase and land at the top, turning before a gown covered her body. Nerien ghosted from the wall to take her hand. They shared a bow and he led her down to the center for a dance, taking the floor up in circular motions. She smiled when he whispered in her ear.

           “Loki…” Thor whispered, not wanting to disturb anything. “The book.”

           “Right.” Loki flipped through pages.

           “Human. Elf. Dwarf. Everything in between. Mixing of races was…not popular before Odin's or Bor's time. Parties for people all over Asgard could turn some heads.” Hogun noticed. “It would have driven people like the Elders mad. The bigotry was worse before our generation. Things still have a long ways to go.” Nerien lifted her up and twirled her about, she laughed with genuine glee as they went. Loki cursed aloud and looked up at the same time Fandral pointed.

           “I know that woman.” He followed her toward the food table as she spoke with friends and looked to a hooded being near the corner. “That is her mother.”

           “You’re right.” Sif gaped for a moment. “We’re in this manor’s memories.”

           “Who is that?” Thor gestured when the younger mother clasped hands with the hooded man to follow him out.

           “I recognize the surname… Her father. Her true father. Her parents met here.” Loki was pointing into the book. “Did you see his face?”

           “No, he was covered. They’re gone.” Volstagg shook his head as they moved about the room carefully. Loki turned to see his wife spread her arms before a sudden whoosh took everything away. The staircase fell to shambles. The floor spread apart and a mighty tree grew behind her, apples that gleamed like crystals spread over branches. Flits of colored light twirled and she dropped her hands, stopping only to pluck one fruit. She lifted it to her lips, kissed the sparkling skin, and tossed it up into the air. It came apart like a firework and showered down to cover her curls in stars.

           “Guys…” Her glowing eyes blinked and turned bright blue. “Look at you all. Together. You beat Thanos…I knew you would. Things ain’t so bad here…don’t worry so much about me. Oh, Buck, you need a haircut.”

           “Steve?” Bucky whispered when her feet touched the floor.

           “I’m not sure how much time I have. You guys did good. I know it wasn’t easy. Never is. Shield looks good on you, Sam…” She went on. “You shouldn’t blame yourselves. I’m waiting right here for you, but I better not see you anytime soon.”

           “It’s him.” Natasha covered her mouth and stepped forward.

           “Tears for me? No, don’t do that.” She smiled sweetly and Tony came to take her arms, studying her eyes. “You did exactly as I asked, Tony. You didn’t let that dream die. You'll get her back soon. I promise. I'm just...so proud. You stayed together as best you could. Don't stop. Keep moving forward, you’ll figure things out. People leave… Doesn’t mean they’re not still with you in some way. I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. But, don’t be sorry for moving on from it.”

           “Steve, tell us what to do to make this better.” Tony stumbled and she smiled.

           “I can’t tell you that, you all are already working to make it better. Nothing I can say really. Watch yourselves out there and don’t give up. Dying isn’t the worst thing in the world. I still got to watch you all do amazing things. But, what some people wouldn’t give to die in peace, among friends…” Steve faded and she fell to her knees in Tony's arms. Behind her, the great tree rustled and shriveled. Darkness overtook the vines and flowers. Peace remained.

** ** **

           “Did you see what we did?” Jane asked and I felt myself crack with a sob that I suppressed. Tony was still holding me tight.

           “I felt rich and happy families living here until bigots set the whole place ablaze. So many were killed and wounded.” I looked up. “But…the scene. My parents met here on a more joyous occasion. Asgard always finds a reason to celebrate life. And death. Nerien…was he a part of the vision for a reason or was he trying to come and tell me something?”

           “You’ll have to ask him at our next location.” Loki tucked the large book under one arm and came to take my hand. “Could take a day or so to get there.” He pulled me to my feet and Bucky was settling my cloak back over my shoulders.

           “How am I doing so far?” I whispered as he led me off.

           “I’d bet on you.” Bucky tried to lift my spirits and was rewarded with a smile and quiet scoff. “We’re at seven days now.”

           “This place isn’t so bad I suppose.” Fandral remarked behind me, clasping one hand into Sif’s.

           “We did not understand it before.” She added. “Come, we all need rest and we’ll freeze outside at this hour. Longer journey ahead.”

** ** **

           “We’re close,” Loki called at the helm, earning sighs of relief. The harsh cold was getting to all but him. Our vehicles picked up over untouched grounds.

           “Five days.” I lulled against the side, weakening by the minute.

           “Focus, we’re almost there. Hold on.” Loki kneeled to rub my arms before he touched my face. “The sun is rising,” he pulled me up to the bow so I could drape one arm around a post. I put my head on the side and watched the sky turn to pure watercolors.

           “It’s beautiful.” I lifted my lips and Loki was rubbing my back, partially holding me in his lap. I could see the grand monument covered in snow among piles of stone and rubble. The houses. The castle. Everything was gone. Snow shielded what was left like a blanket. We landed and began to get out as I paced forward and tried to feel something. “She has to be here. We came so far.”

           “Think of the events when last we came.” Hogun offered carefully. I stepped over broken down walls.

           “The orb stood…here.” I looked up at the sky, eyes flashing. “Nerien…said that this power could not simply be taken. It was inside them for generations. It was a gift.”

           “How did he give it to you then?” Natasha inquired after a beat.

           “The stone was near death.” I puffed and looked around.

           “The mind gem almost killed you…but it must have been drawn to you and meshed semi well because you held the soul stone he gave you.” Jane was thinking more so to herself. “Knowing what we do now…how is it the soul stone meshed so well with you to begin with. Why was it different? You didn’t even know it was there until years later.”

           “Unless there was something…” Loki blinked at me standing alone ahead of them with the snow covering my hair. My cloak covered my body in a way that was regal among the destruction. “You always held a predisposition for magic that was ignored. But, it was there clearly. Your mother had to have seen it.”

           “I can think of a few occasions during fights with my father. Furniture would move or fall.” I shrugged, turning to trudge through ice. “No, we’re missing something else.”

           “Your predisposition for empathy was always there as well.” Loki stopped me.

           “I am ill. It happens.” I shook my head.

           “Make the point, we’re running low on time.” Tony shifted past Janet. “And heat.”

           “I’m getting to one… I need to recall history. You were told you father was a merchant. I don’t doubt that.” Loki went on, following with everyone behind us. “You said he was injured. Unable to provide. He left before your birth. Your mother had to have looked for him. She must have gone to the palace once. Talked to Odin and Frigga. But, they never reunited. You were told he looked for you, Moira said that. I bet he found you once. I bet he turned away because of fear… but, was there something more? Injury or not…what kind of shame could keep a father and child apart?” Stopping, I turned back to see Loki as wind blew colder. We stared at each other for a long moment, lines pulsed blue under his skin briefly. “What if everything in your life was from one common factor? A factor that led back before your birth. You didn’t need the soul stone to draw people in. For better or worse… Your features are classically different for a reason. Your talent for magic is higher than other Asgardians for a reason.”

           “Don’t…” I stopped.

           “Nerien picked you for a reason and he knew you could hold the soul stone…for a reason. Perhaps, your mother took you to healers who worked to ensure any feature or trace could stay hidden. Hide the shame because it could have gotten you both beaten bloody, she thought. But, you were still beaten bloody regardless. My parents had helped hide features once before in another baby, deformed and birthed of frost giants. But, these things can never stay hidden forever. So, Frigga watched you. She knew you. She waited until your stepfather pushed you into a lake. A stepfather obsessed and pulled into your orbit. A horrible man who delighted in the torment of a little girl who would never be his. A bigoted stepfather who would never love you but he must have known your origin. He felt the pull and his hatred and obsession grew. He had to possess something beautiful and exotic in his eyes. It wasn’t your fault. None of it.”

           “Shut up!” I was crying, teeth clenched. I turned to put distance between the prying eyes and my face.

           “Your mother’s crime was loving a merchant from another race of Asgardian. One that…at the time…it was looked down on mixing with. You inherited humanoid features and frankly, ear clipping was a commonplace. You would not even know if it were done. But, you survived all of this.” Loki persisted and a force knocked him down.

           “I said, be quiet!” I echoed, tipping to fall upon my knees. Jane was at my side, rubbing my back when I braced one palm into the snow and covered my face with the other to weep softly.

           “It would explain everything.” Sif touched her lips with sympathetic eyes. “Your parents. The Queen’s protection. The magic. The stones. That elf picking you…because you were the last one. He spent years finding you and when he did…he left you their legacy. The legacy started by a father who loved and lost you.” I recalled Nerien's first question. The way he worded it and looked upon my face with so much care.

            _"What do they call you?"_

           “No!” I pushed myself up and they followed my steps. “No!” I yelled against the air and then I screamed again for good measure. Magic encased my bones, billowed before I dropped down and beat my fists into the ground once. It cracked under the force. The opening etched further, paving a rippling line toward the end of a familiar cliff. Magic twinkled against the air and I recognized an illusion. They were still rushing toward me as I pulled my cloak off in one swoop and broke into a sprint. Charged, I leapt off the edge and ignored all protests because the moment the illusion touched me, it shattered. Light exploded against my eyes as I collided with a mighty tree branch, dangling before I pulled myself up. The entire area was hellfire, charred and building itself toward the sky. A might pillar grew toward the clouds with vines crawling all over it and branches of apples tumbling toward the earth, exploding with sparks.

           “Hold on!” Jane called, Mjolnir out to fly toward me. A blast sent her reeling into Thor and Bruce behind her.

           “Look!” Peter was pointing. The lights swelled and whirled around the top of the growing monument. Souls were floating aimlessly like a mighty crown around a magnificent star at the very top of the pillar.

           “It’s her…” I puffed, pulling myself up fully to stand. The star screeched when Loki called its name before she took shape dressed in billowing silks. Her body moved elegantly and pulsed with utter fury. I was surprised she didn't try to blind us.

           “Turn back,” she warned at last. “It’s long been over. Cannot be joined or kept apart.” The Avengers took stances of defense when the ground rumbled. “Stop them!”  Many souls floating around her tumbled with apples into the dirt, splashing with color before corpses dug themselves out to challenge the living.

           “Final test…” Loki breathed, eyes on me. “Go! Climb! We’ll hold them off!” Scrambling, the air thinned to a drone behind me. The Hulk’s roar broke through as the fight began.

           “Foolish child.” She was staring into my eyes and for a moment, I was blinded.

           “I know you think it’s over!” I called. “Please! Come home.”

           “You got exactly what you wished for.” She turned and raised her arms, smoke echoed toward the sky and light crackled all around. More corpses came up to test the mettle of humans and Asgardians alike. Still, I climbed. A hand grasped my foot and I almost slipped, kicking the undead off me before a web ripped it away. The heroes who could fly tried to get close to help me but forces pulled them away. My arms ached as I pushed myself up with what life I had left inside me. I could feel tugs of someone climbing under me, I didn’t dare look down or I’d be lost.

           “Keep…moving,” I pulled myself up to another branch, “forward… I know you can hear me!” I yelled up to her as I went. “I know how much it hurts. I know you think you failed…and I know you know…this is the end. I know you miss Steve. I know you miss them all. But, look at them fighting! Look at me! It’s not over because hope matters and it always will. You burned that into your brain and you still believe it in there. Somewhere. We both made mistakes. But, you have the chance to put things right. Let me help you this time. It wasn’t fair to blame you and manipulate you. I was hurting still…but, I’m not any longer.” Explosions rocked the area, cliffs came apart as I persevered up toward her floating and swaying about. Power charged and undulated from her in great waves, filling the very skies around her. Souls orbited like planets around the sun.

           “Why fight the inevitable?” She droned above. “I know what you all seek. I see your hearts beating for it. Rest now. It shall not be much longer. Let the feeling overtake you. Let it bleed out.” I watched her hand outstretch toward me, a challenge danced across her eyes. “There’s no going back…once you do this. I warned you. Many times.”

           “I know.” I strained, lungs wheezing and pleading to stop.

           “You know the high cost.” She watched me reaching out desperately for her hand.

           “I’m ready. We’re all ready. You must believe as well. You have to come back. Or all is lost.”

           “Maybe that’s the way it should be.” She uttered.

           “I don’t care…” I pulled myself higher, so close to the top. I could scarcely breathe. I couldn’t see them below through magic and fog. “I’m…not stopping. I’m sorry. For all of it. I was jaded and jealous and I took it out on the only person who loved me.”

           “I wasn’t the only one, child.” She hummed and watched still as I reached the top.

           “Can… Can you forgive me?” I stood and looked into her black eyes, knowing she could blind me at any given moment.

           “When you forgive yourself.” She tilted her head and spread her arms so I came into her embrace. My body felt like it was aflame. “Are you certain?”

           “I’ll be good. I’ll be good. Please, just do it. Save everyone. We can’t do it apart. I’m too small.”

           “Did that matter before?” She droned, squeezing me as I crumbled to pieces. The ground rumbled underneath us. I looked into her eyes again when she came back to hold my face.

           “No… It didn’t matter…because we created a world that was just big enough for us both.” I was laughing, grinning wide. “You are forever my fondest creation.”

           “And you’ll always be my favorite.” Her fingers sparked, sliding down my cheek, before a blade of light plunged forward into my stomach. I felt it pierce inside and back out, stilling as every bit of chaos froze with the snow. “You’ve seen what you needed to. Lived the way you wished. It’s time to go home now. We cannot be joined or kept apart.” I gripped for silks as they spilled before sound came back and exploded all around us. The pillar and vines cracked apart, tumbling and spinning around when every floating soul began to fall toward the earth. I stared at her face until blood began to drip from my eyes. She came to my ear, twisting the blade and I strained to stand. “You told me…I was the part of you that could be free of this agony. This pain. It was half true. But, you needed to allow it. I needed to allow it. This wasn’t supposed to be our life…but, it is what it is. Don’t regret that much. Feel that fear and pain and feel the hope at the end of the tunnel because we will always be there. I’ll take good care of you.”

           “Take me…”

           “I’ll take us both.” She kissed my head and stabbed me once more, easing the blade slowly in and I felt it disintegrate inside me. With a final push, I fell backwards and away from all of this. I could hear the uproar of souls whirling all around me. The entire pillar came apart, vines and branches crashing into the ground and shifting all to smoke. I reached out for her and watched her reach back, floating and unmoved. Soon I would float with her. Visions cast through my eyes of love and war alike. Memories snapped in half. My body crashed and skidded into ice and rubble, leaving a full imprint. I closed my eyes, opened them, and everything was gone. Nothing.  _Nothing_. Just snow and loved ones gathering. Loki pulled me into his arms.

           “No…no. What happened?”

           “We tried.” I wheezed, earning crestfallen expressions. “That will always matter. I’m so sorry…”

           “Stay with us,” Sif had a healing stone, moving armor aside before she paused, eyes widening. “There is…no wound. Look.”

           “She’s dying, help her. Please.” Thor was behind her, head shaking. Natasha came to her knees, sighed, and took my hand.

           “Make her comfortable… You know, it would have been nice to fight with Steve for a couple more decades. But, I think he’s doing okay right now. I think you’ll be alright too.” She offered and I lifted my lips.

           “She was…so close. I tried. We came so far. She wanted to come but, couldn't. They didn't want me in exchange. They wanted more.” I was trying to breathe even in little gasps.

           “It matters.” Tony offered, earning solemn nods. “All of it.”

           “Rest,” Loki crushed his teeth, tears falling down his face. “For what I said to you…I apologize.”

           “I forgave you. While ago.” I choked and smiled as wind cast gently into my hair and face. I stared at the snow falling. The bright allure of a sun hidden behind clouds. Waiting its turn. “This test…I understand it now. The whole time. We were supposed to go somewhere beautiful.” I was beaming and tears streaked across blood on my cheeks. Looking around at steady eyes from people who loved me wholeheartedly, I felt it warm my entire being. The pain was long gone. “I think we found it. She would be so happy. So proud of you all. I’m just… Now, I feel it. Just once. That’s enough.” My free hand sunk into Loki’s hair, smoothing down his neck. I tried to focus on his eyes. Slowly, he came down and placed a sweet kiss upon my lips. My smile after was light. “It’s not so bad. Living.” I tried to scoff, puffing a light laugh that faded with me. “Dying isn’t too bad either…when you’re in a beautiful place, among friends. Maybe I’ll try it again someday soon. Take care of each other…don’t forget me. I’ll remember all of you…and please, don’t forget, I created her because she was my hero too…I wanted to be her.”

           “You were.” Loki nodded to assure me, hand slipping into the limp one on my stomach. Natasha was squeezing my other one still. They watched me fade away, holding onto each other as I went. “It’s all right to let go. We’re all here for you.”

           “They’re here too.” I saw Nerien step forward with my old friend behind him. She looked at him and nodded so he came to retrieve me. “She’ll come. If called. Always…” I heaved for some final air, completely relieved and smiling. “Deliver me.”

           Nerien’s palm covered my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go guys! I promise that the battle is not over yet! I'm so thankful for anyone who made it here. I'd love to hear from you and you're wonderful. So, thank you so so so much!


	46. Genesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale of Phase Six: The End and the last chapter of this story! All is not lost for our heroes when Galactus closes in. The last epic battle ripples apart while they all come together for something spectacular. These nine realms connect at last so hope can overcome fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. I spent four years writing this story and I posted just in time for Infinity War! Thanks so much!!! More words will be shared after this chapter so please read! :)

          Loki choked on a sob that didn’t try to breathe. She closed her eyes, contented and bright. Her smile didn’t leave when the end came. He held her close and smoothed her hair.

           “It’s over…” He began. “It did not work.”

           “She looks happy.” Harry was holding himself.

           “She is.” Loki swallowed. “She was. We tried. But, it’s done… I’m taking her back. It’s the right thing to do.”

           “Loki.” Thor hitched his breath and swallowed tears. “There…There must be something we can do.”

           “It was never on us. Some forces are beyond our control. She knew that better than anyone. We take her home. Give her a proper burial. We’ve used so much time. Asgardian bodies preserve well for weeks before they start to stiffen and decay. But, I just cannot watch her decay. I’m taking her body home and you can join me if you wish.” Loki was bundling her up to set her carefully into their boat. “She would have done the same for me. In fact, she tried to once.”

           “Galactus.” Jane touched her lips. “We’re going to run out of time.”

           “We still have a few days to think of something else. No matter…” Thor looked at everyone watching him, hopeful. King of Asgard. “No matter…we will return to Earth. Face whatever we must. Together. We tried together. We’ll fight together…and if need be…we’ll fail together. Just like we were supposed to. The realms will always be worth fighting for. But, first, my best friend needs to go home.” Tattered and bruised, the team boarded vehicles and rode back. Silence always followed after death.

** ** **

           “We couldn’t get her back. I don’t know what more we can do.” Fandral was at the head of the room. “We are lost but not defenseless. This force. Galactus. We can send warriors.”

           “Our army would pose the same threat as a mortal army.” Odin spoke, coming down.

           “Where is she?” Volstagg asked after a beat of silence, they cleaned up and sat around a smaller banquet hall. Loki recalled tricking Thor into going to Jotunheim on the short, curving steps just in front of the row of open arches. Asgard looked as regal as ever beyond them.

           “Her body is in my study, quite comfortable on my personal soul forge.” Frigga clasped her hands. “You all did what you could and no one can tell you otherwise. You should be proud of the things you accomplished together. She was.”

           “A mighty warrior at heart. A loving friend and companion.” Odin came to Loki, touching his face. “Her life was harsh to her. But, she was a force beyond any realm. Curious about the world. Undeniably powerful in raw strength and will. Empathetic beyond her years and hard as steel when the time called for it. People trusted her and looked up to her. More so than she realized. And she was loved. So loved. She offered it in return to those seeking it. To those who needed it. She asked us all to look inside ourselves and find something better. Even if we were lost and even if we ourselves did not believe. She believed. She saw everything. What she gave the world will not be wasted. But, the person she was will not soon be forgotten. Not by me. I’d ask for no one else to stand with my sons and top warriors. Oh, my son, did she love you with forces that breached one world into the next.” Loki watched his expression and broke down in a slow motion, tumbling further.

           “I loved her so much, father. I would…I would do anything to have her back. It hurts.” Loki cried, slipping down into Odin’s embrace. Thor joined them and Frigga watched her husband hold her boys so close. The way he used to hold them. She watched her family come together. Finally.

           “She would not want us to give up on life.” Thor wiped his eyes, coming to his friends. Jane slipped an arm around him and he kissed her. “We will beat Galactus. He could not possibly understand the forces we forged together.”

           “The Surfer…he must know a way. If Sue and her team have gotten through to him. He could help us.” Janet took Hank’s hand next to her. Mary Jane was on the steps with Harry and Peter on either side. Sam touched Tony’s shoulder and passed him while Bucky and Bruce exchanged looks.

           “Where ever Apocalypse is…he must be broken if we haven’t heard from him by now. If she didn’t have the power…he could. Her influence on him won’t be lost.” Sam sighed and Bucky nodded next to him.

           “See if he shows up at all.” Bucky scoffed. “Whatever happens. Thank you all. For everything. For a long time, I thought the Winter Soldier was the only thing I’d ever know. Partially due to her that we’re all here together now.”

           “We love Bucky Barnes more than that.” Tony offered, brightening and Bucky responded to that. “I do at least.” A few chuckles interrupted. “Psych was with us from the start. Wherever she is… Wherever she’s going. She’s an Avenger. Forever.”

           “And a great warrior of Asgard.” Hogun added.

           “We found her first.” Hank joked after a beat and Bruce laughed next to him, utterly fatigued. A few more sounded in response. “We’re at two days. We still have a chance.”

           “Something always works out, right?” Sif scoffed, clearing her throat.

           “You all should eat something, it’s been a long week.” Frigga nodded her head. “Come. There is much to discuss.”

           “Thor. Loki. Remain with me.” Odin pulled his sons aside as the room cleared. “You both grew…to be better than anything I could have hoped for. Asgard will be yours. My rule is coming to its end. There is much I wish I could have changed. Thor…you didn’t need me to teach you how to be both king and warrior. I shouldn’t have goaded your thirst for battle and then grown upset when it was all you knew. I tried to prepare you…to make you understand that sometimes being a great warrior won’t make you a great king. Smashing our enemies was no way to rule. But, if I’d told you the truth about Loki. That Jotunheim…we’re not so different. We both lost. We both wanted to protect our people. The realms need balance and peace. I let you believe frost giants were just enemies…it was so wrong. And it hurt all of us in the end. Loki most of all. You should never have been ashamed of your origin. Ever. Frost giants were not savage beasts. Letting you grow with such hate and prejudice…the lies. I was wrong. I was fearful of the truth because I didn’t want to lose my sons again after Baldr… I did not want to risk Asgard’s future and still it happened. Both of you…no matter where you came from. You’re the true sons of Asgard. You both have royal blood in your veins and goodness in your hearts. Strive to do better than I did…I know you’re already on the right path.”

           “Father, I was hot headed. Unwilling to believe…” Thor sighed. “It is my fault as well. I was a stubborn fool… I tried to forcefully fix the world the only way I knew how. I didn’t think I had anything left to learn but, there is so much still that I am trying to get to know. I’m a better man now because of you both. Because of our friends out there. That won’t end when I sit on that throne.”

           “I committed atrocious acts. The world may not forgive me anytime soon.” Loki began. “But, for the first time, I feel like I’m headed in the right direction. I’ll always be Loki. I’ll always be chaos. But, chaos and mischief are just a part of this life. If I have my brother next to me…I’m confident that my life will amount to something greater. It would…disrespect the woman I love if I didn’t try. She gave me a great many things. But, the greatest thing was loving someone  _so_ …” Loki pulled himself together. “Loving someone so  _utterly_  wonderful and…and compassionate and beautiful in this life. Not everyone gets a magnificent love like that…but, I have it. I still feel it. We were the still point to the turning world around us…and I won’t take that for granted. Nor would I trade it for anything.” Odin smiled at his sons with a tear in his eye.

           “You both have grown up.” He touched their faces, bringing them close to him. “You’re going to be just fine out there. Take care of each other. Please…behave for your mother as well. She’s always watching.”

           “We know that much. Nothing gets by her. I know I am King technically. But, let’s face it, mother is always in charge. She won’t need us to take care of her. On the contrary.” Thor laughed to himself.

           “Go forth. Be good. Take the throne and feel pride that you both will be great rulers and even greater men. I had a long run…but, now, Asgard is yours to command. Take good care of it and it will take care of you in turn. You both have long futures ahead, you know. Yggdrasil must preserve that balance forever to find peace. I don’t doubt that you’ll reach it together. Go. Be with your loved ones. Know that I will always love you both.”

           “Father.” Loki watched Thor hug Odin, patting his shoulder.

           “You should rest, father. We will always cherish this time together.”

           “I’m sorry.” Loki finished, nodded as Thor went. “I’m sorry. I do love you. You’re the only father I’ve ever known. The only one I’ve ever wanted.”

           “And having you for a son…has been an adventure. But, I wouldn’t change it now, picking you from that land. Loki, you thrived in Asgard. You brought balance to my house. And you gained a family who adored you. You found love despite all obstacles and you held to it. I forgave you, my son. I did. Continue this path…you will be rewarded. Cherished. More will see what Thor and I have. Odinson. Laufeyson. You can be both. A talented sorcerer. A trusted adviser. A better man. Go…find some peace for yourself. It will come to you. Allow it. I love you, Loki.”

           “Thank you, father.” Loki turned. “I won’t disappoint you again.” Odin merely beamed with nostalgic fondness, watching Loki as he joined Thor so they could got forth together. The way it was always meant to be. Frigga paced down the steps.

           “Look at the boys we raised, Odin. It’s as if they don’t need us any longer.” She smiled and he came up into one of the archways. Together, they looked over Asgard like they used to do as King and Queen. “Time is running slim. But, life always finds a way beyond it. It never ends. Not for us. When you brought Thor home… I felt so betrayed. We lost Baldr together. But, we didn’t grieve it together. Yet, I looked down at that lost baby, in need of affection. I felt it so strongly with Loki as well…he was so small. So malnourished. I was still upset with you for many years. I loved those boys. Raised them as my own. I am their mother. I did forgive you, my love. These things take time. Asgard needed us. Those boys needed us. But, no longer. We made many mistakes. But, we were able to fix a few I think. That must be worth something…”

           “Bringing you pain. Disrespecting my wife. Has been my greatest regret. Building our family up again…it healed us in some way. Still…”

           “I cannot believe we’ve lost her, Odin.” Frigga was quieter, her gaze turned to him.

           “She was not supposed to die, Frigga. We both know that. The Aether… She went into every possibility to try to save everyone. But, they all failed. So she forged one of her own in an attempt to salvage what she could. She picked the one where it was possible for them all to survive…even if it meant her death. Yes, someone was supposed to die. The same person in each reality. That much was static. But, it wasn’t supposed to be that little girl whose hand I kissed. That terrified little girl who would grow to be so very brave and magnificent on her own. The woman who pushed through so much pain to set things right. I see much of you inside her.”

           “I remember pulling her from that lake. Knowing the path that she and Loki would go down together.” Frigga smiled.

           “You came to me that evening. Do you remember what you said?”

           “Yes,” Frigga took Odin’s hand, grinning radiantly. “Odin, today I met the love of Loki’s life. Today I met one of Thor’s greatest friends. Today…I met our future daughter. I think that was the day I forgave you. We spent so much time working through our problems and we came together again. But, when I looked into that little girl’s eyes, I felt the same pull she had on them all. That hope. I spoke to old healers…about when her mother brought her into the palace. A mixed Asgardian that survived birth. A miracle. I had not seen her as a baby. I only read the reports and hid them aside. I thought about that baby every day until I could not stand it. The time came for us to meet in person and I felt it all so deeply. I had to get her away from those people. I had to bring her to you so you could feel what I did. She will change the world, you said.”

           “She did just that.” Odin turned cupping Frigga’s face. “I was terrible to you in my grief. I degraded my wife and we had to hide it all from Asgard. But, I always remembered. And I hope that you know how precious you have always been to me. You’re the heart of our world. My world. And soon…I’m going to set things back on track. The Aether altered this reality and if there is any hope to beat these enemies…I’m going to find it and bring it forth. We’ve followed fate our entire lives. Most of the time, it wins. But, Frigga…while I have stepped down. Asgard and our people…they’ll need you, always. I wasn’t what held this land together during all that turmoil. It was you. Thor and Loki. That bright young woman. I must fix this. You had every reason to go but, you stayed. You’ve always been my guide. You’ve always been stronger than I. Our boys…they’re good. They’ll continue to make us proud.”

           “Yes, and that…we did together.” She sniffled and kissed him. “You weren’t a bad king. Not to me.”

           “You are and always will be…everything.” Odin kissed her once more and they clasped hands to watch the snow tumble, in peace. “It is a rather beautiful day, is it not?” Frigga was melancholy and fond all at once in her tone.

           “Yes, my love. Such beauty should never go unappreciated.”

** ** **

           “I remember a time when we were training as children. Loki thought it would be funny to sneak up on her after a bout.” Fandral was chuckling and Loki recalled the memory.

           “Ah, yes, I caught her by surprise and she turned around so fast that her wooden stick smacked me. My nose bled and she wouldn’t stop apologizing as if I was going to have the guards come get her.” Loki scarcely touched his food. He tried to enjoy these memories of her as Asgardians always celebrated life.

           “We both went through the months of insomnia.” Tony piped up. “She’d sit up in the lab and chat with me about anything. Drink espresso and build suits. Helped me silence them with Asgardian secrets.”

           “She loved giving Asgardian tech secrets out when we earned it.” Jane agreed, smiling now. Behind them, Frigga entered with a few others in tow.

           “You know Moira. This is her wife, Faleen. Their close friend and apprentice, Elise. And Alistair, our head guard. They are all close friends of our lost warrior and would like to join the meal.” Frigga gestured.

           “Loki wasn’t lying. He is dreamy.” Tony remarked, earning snorts.

           “I didn’t use that word. I said handsome.” Loki insisted and Alistair lifted his brow.

           “I still thought they would be smaller,” he remarked to Faleen, who smirked.

           “That’s Jane Foster! We never got to speak.” Elise hurried over. “Oh, she talked about you when you last visited and so did the others. I hope you feel welcomed back here.”

           “Jane has fans in every realm.” Janet grinned. Elise knew all their names from stories from her friend and Heimdall. It warmed them to know she talked about them in length. Moira and Faleen joined Janet and Hank to gossip. Elise seated herself by Jane and Thor to question them with Alistair joining on her opposite side.

           “Has word been sent to her mother?” Loki asked after a beat when Frigga came to the head of the table, smoothing her gown to sit.

           “Not yet. The rest of Asgard does not know what happened. You have more questions, my son. Please.”

           “You knew of her origin. We discovered it along the way. Is it all true?” Loki clasped his hands and the table quieted.

           “Asgard was so different when you were a baby. Odin’s father and mother had ushered in hope and tolerance for all races across our lands. Against those like the Elders but of course it lingered. Everything from reptilian to humanoid or dwarf or elvish Asgardians got along rather well in most circles. But…not all. It was difficult to mix. Children rarely survived and there was a worry about losing ancient cultures that had already dwindled. Her mother met and fell in love with a well off merchant from an elven race across the lands of Asgard. From one of the most closed off races of elven grounds. Humanoid or not, elves were different still. There was always peace…or so we thought until the Elder’s betrayal.”

           “My story of the soldier was true.” Moira added. “He was wounded. Lost. He was ashamed to see his own child. He joined the ranks of Asgard’s growing numbers to escape both worlds. Died shortly after. But, people in his land must have known. Nerien was the last survivor of their world. Or so we thought. He must have heard tales of a baby who lived long ago. He spent years trying to preserve and protect their worlds. But, thirsted for justice and revenge. So he sought out the one person who could help see both of those through. He could have seen her and known instantly who she was because of what their powers permit. Her soul. It would have looked different from the start. He learned the name of this child when he met her. He learned the circumstances of her life here. And he did not merely give her the last of their knowledge and power. He woke up the forces inside her that had once been forgotten and suppressed. It is why the soul stone melded so easily into her brain. Even I did not understand it on the soul forge when I saw that little glow, pulsing from her parietal lobe to the rest of her system.”

           “Moira is very correct. You see now, there was always a reason.” Frigga was solemn. “A reason for it all. Pieces came together over time as they often do. Nerien knew she was the only hope left. He handed down everything he could in his short time and went into the next world trusting that she would know what to do next. She incidentally helped seek that justice for her father’s homeland, hidden for so many years. She understood Nerien totally and completely. He knew she would. It is who she is. There’s a reason she’s always been able to walk between multiple worlds with such ease. A reason for the weighted empathy. The hope behind her eyes. She truly is, the next step for Asgardians. Terrifying and powerful. A savior nonetheless. A messiah among heroes and villains. A star to guide the lost. But, she was loved of all of us for the person she grew to be, not just for what she did for us.”

           “But,” Loki inhaled to still his ache, “now she is gone.”

           “My wise and equally foolish son.” Frigga smoothed Loki’s hair. “You’ve been down this line enough to know…anything is possible. What was it she would say?”

           “I don’t believe in impossible things.” Loki’s eyes sparkled. Frigga uncharacteristically downed a whole glass of wine, smiled with a twinge of distant grief, and stood up.

           “And yet, some things are always left for fate to touch. Moira, could you accompany me to the healing room? We’ll bring them our research and see if they find it of use.”

           “Yes, my queen.” Moira kissed Faleen and went with. Loki peered around the table, at the small conversations. Fandral and Jane both offered him kind half-smiles before turning to continue their exchange. His own heart tried to beat regardless of such a loss.

           “We need to stay strong. You should eat something, brother.” Thor looked over. “Your King commands it so.”

           “My King will wake to snakes in his bed if he tries to command me any further.” Loki picked up his fork.

           “So as long as I wake, I suppose.” Thor passed a dish of baked sugary apple treats. Loki smelled cinnamon and exhaled. “Her favorite treat. Eat some. Lest we allow Bruce to eat the whole table.”

           “The Hulk makes me hungry, I can’t help it.” Bruce was eating potatoes from Tony’s plate next to him.

           “Do you remember when I told you about us?” Loki whispered.

           “Yes, I do. You asked me to seek out the best in Asgard’s jewelers for a wedding ring mere weeks after you began to court her. Yet, it took you years to propose. Then you asked me if it would upset me…the younger brother marrying first.”

           “You said it would upset you more if we wasted any more time pretending we weren’t in love.” Loki smiled, more so to himself. “I regret that you never saw us in any of our small mortal ceremonies. We both knew they weren’t complete without you there. We’ve lost a piece of our group, but my wife’s memory will last a lifetime. We still have each other.” Thor touched Loki’s hand briefly, they shared a beat of silence.

           “It was as I vowed in the beginning, brother. No?”

           “You have your moments, my king.”

** ** **

           Odin walked the long path to Frigga’s study. Light shrouded the body upon the slab, illuminating it until the room jumped to life after a slight wave. A sheer gold cover was pulled away from the motionless woman adorned in a wedding gown she never got to wear. Loki hoped to have her armor decorated and fixed for the burial. He always knew her better of course.

           “A fit companion.” Odin stood his staff carefully at the head of the forge. “Loki’s hands were shaken when he brought you to me, admitting your relationship. Of course, Frigga had told me days earlier. You took his hand to comfort him in front of his father. His King. I knew your love was forever at that moment. The Elders disapproved so of you. The people thought you soft and odd. Even those who had seen you thrive in battle. Still though, I remember the look on your face after you came back from that elf’s land. Your land as well I suppose. The same hidden expression of sheer ferocity after you sent that rapist to his death a time later. You sat across my table. Dignified and unafraid. Perhaps, you feared me once. But, we reached somewhat of a common ground. The difficult choices we made changed us. They always say to never allow the world to change you. Make choices that will not change your nature. But, we knew better than that.”

           Odin reached to shift a curl aside. He felt his heart shudder with grief and stood taller. Tried to stay as still as he could.

           “I watched you with my sons and those warriors over the years. I paid close attention to how you navigated this life. Our world can be unforgiving. You drew on hope and on spite to survive it. Truthfully, you cannot condemn either. When you returned from Midgard and planted yourself on that step, I knew you belonged there. We didn’t want such a life for you. But, you stood against stacked odds and persisted even when my sons began to doubt it all. You drew the wrath of Thanos because of it. I should have protected you from him. From your stepfather. I let another child suffer. I stood by too often and did nothing.  _Nothing_.” Odin let himself cry so softly. “I should have done something and I did not. I let a father abuse his daughter. For when I looked into your eyes, that pull, that hope. Still, I saw so much death beyond it. You terrified me..."

           Slowing, he got himself back together. Let a beat pass. Then continued.

           "I should have protected you better. From a fate that brought you to war and to the reality stone and mind gem. From the pure affections of Apocalypse that still ended in your death. But, I…there is no excuse. You change people. You make them see the best and worst version of themselves even if you must drag them to the mirror. I watched you grow into a compassionate and empathetic woman, always trying to improve herself mentally and in battle. Magic and knowledge, they bleed us more than any blade ever will. They always corrupt us all in some way. Ripple through the world. But, is that not part of life? Good and evil together always. You learned this well in your pursuit to put things right. You have…so much more living to do.”

           The former King stood, regal and fatigued from his years of service. From his long watch that had now come to its end. Odin touched her head and clasped one hand into her own. The entire room hummed at once and he kissed her temple.

           “I’ve never had a daughter…and because of you, I have never felt unfulfilled without one. Let me save you now even if it will not make up for the sins of our past. Let me hope again. Let the world follow.” Bright lights like fireflies swirled down his arms and around her body. He closed his eyes, holding her hand tight before Valhalla and Hel opened at once from their union. Frigga came out of the shadows, sniffling.

           “Be strong, my love. My tender king.” Frigga had sent Moira to handle the warriors and mortals. She nursed Odin as he stood and helped keep him upright, murmuring sweet nothings of encouragement ever so often. It was hours into the night. He grew frail, hair thinning further as his skin became so pale like stone. Frigga had her hand on the back of his neck, using a portion of her magic to keep him going. He persisted so ardently.

           “Frigga…” He found a breath. “My Queen. My heart… We will meet again, my love.” He turned his eye to see her, exhaling just as the body jerked to life with his stolen breath. Odin fell backwards into Frigga’s arms, touching her face with the genuine smile of a fulfilled old man.

           “Odin, my husband. My King, you’ve done it. I love you.” Frigga squeaked, sniffling before she asserted herself. “Rest, Odin. I love you…”

** ** **

           It felt raw at first. Like my lungs didn’t know how to take in air. Like my heart didn’t understand how to beat. And then, they pounded all at once as the blood circulated. Numb and confused, my sight didn’t return just yet and then it all shredded with light. I whined out, covered my eyes, all the while my senses heightened like never before. Tumbling off the surface I was on, a hand tried to grab for my shoulder before I blinked.

           “ _Fff...Frig...ga?_ ” I coughed, bracing my palms against the floor. My mouth and throat were totally dried, it felt as if I was choking on fluttering moths.

           “There is death inside you, it shall pass. Breathe, my sweet.” Frigga pulled me into her arms, rubbing my back. “Drink this.” Water revitalized me in just the slightest before I recognized another body reclined atop her cape.

           “Odin…” I crawled to him, shaking.

           “He is gone.” Frigga was petting my hair. “You knew he would do this.”

           “I…I didn’t want him to…” I still couldn’t produce tears so my grief was utterly dry. “Why?”

           “When you took the Aether…you saw every death. All those realities. So many died. But, there was only one person…who was fated to die in each and every one. Name them.” Frigga was gentle, trying to make peace with the loss of her beloved. Trying to stay strong for what was to come.

           “Allfather King Odin Borson. Your husband.” I croaked. In my vision before the Aether, I’d killed him. Yet, here I was still the cause of his death. Fate touched us regardless. “I tried to save him.”

           “And I thank you for that. But, we knew. We talked in length…and both agreed. This was best. He gave his soul over and in return…you were given back to us. The Norns sought my husband…for so many years. They knew we would offer this exchange for you and you alone.” Frigga touched my face. “He will serve them for a time…and then ascend to Valhalla like we all do. He wouldn’t want us to mourn.”

           “I feel I must regardless… I’m alive.” I realized at last. “The little girl…I can feel her for beats. But, not like I used to. I can’t hear her voice.”

           “You will only dream of her. She passed onto the next castle with those guardians you hold. With Nerien. They’ll all keep the grounds until you dream. Until your mortal friends join them down the line. But, they need you to go on in this life still.” Frigga picked up her husband while I could not walk yet, placing him upon the forge. “Odin knew it was his time. Not even you could change that…do not blame yourself.”

           “We’ve run out of time.”

           “No. Not yet, we haven’t. You know what you have to do.”

           “I don’t know if I can do it… I saw so much up there. I know Nerien’s truth…and mine.” I stared at the floor. “I’ve done so many horrid things.”

           “We all have. You have a chance now…to place the stars where they must go.” Frigga kneeled to me. “I’ve missed you so much.” Her embrace warmed me up, I felt her slowly trying to heal me in murmurs. “You must go on. Odin would want this and he needs you all to go on and defeat this evil. Once and for all. Nothing is lost. You are here. Listen to me now…you are still here. You’re alive and loved and you know the path. Follow it.”

           “I watched them come together with the little girl I left behind. Did you see them?”

           “It was beautiful.” Frigga nodded, touching my cheek. “You are hero and warrior of Asgard. Even now. Go. Be that person because you created it. Not me. Not Nerien. Not anyone. You. Go be with them and save the world today. Is that not what you stated you’d do?” Frigga helped me up. “I’ll join you in a moment. Go see them. They’re just now coming together in the banquet hall. They’ll be so happy to have you back. I am.”

           “Odin…” I touched his head, face scrunching with the weight of sorrow. He still died. I still could not save him and I was still the cause. I couldn’t take it back now.

           “He will be given his burial after Galactus is vanquished. Thor will sit on that throne. Loki will stand with him and you will join them. Eventually. But, now, you must focus on the task at hand. You saw wonders beyond the Norns. Bring those to the earth under our feet. Go now.” She begged so I turned and tried to rush out while I kept my footing. My wedding dress billowed behind me. The sun had risen above the palace, streaming into large windows as snow dripped down. A rush of emotion curled up my heart when I felt the souls past the open doorway and stood atop the steps. I saw them below, gathering near the pillars and balcony with their backs to me in quiet conversation. I was alive. I was home.

           “Loki?” I uttered and hearts dipped. Eyes turned to see my face. Loki dropped the papers and books pressed to his chest in a clatter while my bare feet hurried down the stairs. “Loki!” I gasped this time, bounding toward him, and he mouthed my name. He was quicker, knocking me backwards into the covered steps with his arms locked tight around me.

           “It’s really you.” He was gasping and heaving, eyes wide with tears. Quick, I nodded, pulling him down for a long kiss. Loki stopped only to pull me to my feet and I jumped back into his arms, dress tangling while I locked my legs around his hips to kiss him again.

           “I hope you have enough tongue for the rest of the class!” Tony called as Loki put me down before Thor grabbed me up to spin me.

           “You’re alive!” Thor was wholeheartedly sobbing.

           “I’m alive. I am. Oh, no…” I was patting his back. “I’m alive, Thor.”

           “I’m so sorry! I cannot stop it!” Thor tried to calm himself and Loki conjured a handkerchief. “She’s alive!”

           “Share the woman, big guy.” Natasha rubbing his shoulder so he let me free and I hugged her next, drawing her up when she trembled. Jane joined in with Bucky before they all were crowding to squeeze me while I kissed faces and murmured assurances. Harry was shaking when I lifted his taller frame for a tight hug and Janet was wiping her eyes next to me before Loki grabbed me again to hold me close.

           “What happened? How did you…?” Janet looked up when Frigga appeared at the top of the steps.

           “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I lost myself in power. I thought finally that I would be…could be enough. I saw all those deaths and I wanted too badly to save everyone but, I lost myself. I tried but I was so wrong in many ways. It was not just the little girl, it was me. I really thought…I… I’m so sorry.” I was tugging and petting Loki’s hair.

           “But, you were.” Loki cracked. “You were always enough. I should have showed you that from the start.”

           “No. You did. The things you did to help build me up and challenge me. All of you… I thought I could stop it. I did. Tony, I thought being the bad guy would… You were right. It wasn’t worth it to lose you all.”

           “You saved lives even still. Bruce helped us see that… I know why you did it. You’re here now.” He opened his arms so I could get in them. “Bring it back in, Psych. You were a better bad guy than others I know. No ugly helmets. And we missed you. So much. You're home now, yeah?”

           “Don’t remind me.” Loki huffed, drying his face.

           “Mother? Where is father? He must see her at once.” Thor was calming down. Frigga stilled halfway down and clasped her hands. Shifting, I came between her and the group. “Mother?”

           “Odin paid the price for my life. It was only his to pay. The Norns wanted me for years…but they coveted Odin as well. Why wouldn’t they? They always win somehow. Even if it meant taking me, knowing they’d give me up because a better prize was in store. I tried to stop him from the start…I did. The little girl says she manipulated me for Apocalypse but really we all played into the Norns’ hands…” I trailed off and held myself. Loki understood instantly and looked away to steel himself. Thor blinked and grew taller, lips opening before he tried to think through his emotions.

           “Odin…was a brave and mighty warrior. A loved King. A truly great father. He will be remembered as such…for the way he shaped all of us and Asgard.” Thor let Jane embrace him as he touched her head. “He gave his life to save the realms. To protect loved ones. To give back and…to bring forth our dear friend. Because of that, we all have a chance that shall not be wasted.”

           “I’m sorry,” Jane whispered to Loki when Thor let her free so he could hug his mother. Frigga cracked slightly, eyes closing. She didn’t want me to feel guilty so she pulled it all back.

           “Odin’s memory will not soon be forgotten. Nor will the actions…he pursued to bring me into his family. I would be dead were it not for him pulling me from that temple floor. I wish…” Loki trailed off and never finished his thought aloud. But, I felt it regardless. Silent, I slipped back into his arms to comfort him. His fingers curled into my hair.

           “You have a day to save Midgard. You had better run.” Frigga cupped Thor’s face, looking to us.

           “Do you know how to fight Galactus?” Bruce took my arm and I came from Loki, looking around before I peered at Frigga.

           “It’ll take all of us. Together. It will take Norrin Radd and Apocalypse to find the humanity within themselves.” I took a step up. “It will also take an army.”

           “We could still be rushing in blind. I know our friends have secured and emptied the location of battle but Galactus is a force of nature.” Thor came down to my side.

           “Norrin Radd was unmoved when we saw him.” Hogun offered.

           “Yes. You’re right” Hank agreed. “Sure he opened up to you and saved Sue but we’d be asking him to save a world he brought Galactus too. His own world could lie in the balance.”

           “Apocalypse killed you and he’d do it again.” Natasha crossed her arms.

           “Some men cannot be moved even if you tip them over. That won’t get us anywhere here.” Sam gestured. Instantly, the bickering rose when voices overlapped and I sighed, lifting my hands.

           “Hey! Hey!” I quieted them. “I just came back from the dead so I’m a little woozy. En still has power from my soul in his grasp.”

           “How do we begin to retrieve that within a day?” Loki began but I shook my head.

           “I saw a lot up there. Really drives a woman nuts.” I lifted my brow. Elise smiled at me, nodding to encourage my thoughts before she nudged Alistair next to her when I launched into them. “A long time ago, I learned that there are many ways to end a story. But, only one is best. The one we choose. The one we have full control of. The end that cannot be undone.”

           “We have the Tesseract and Aether but it is risky to use them.” Sif added and I agreed silently.

           “The rest of the infinity gems are still out there. Thanos never got the final two.” Fandral was elated even now with his eyes on me. I thought of my first battle away from the towns and palace.

          “We fight. We die. We run. We die. We defeat him. We could still all die. No, we have to do more. Like with Thanos. We have to kill him. Purge him. Truly kill him. Once and for all. Every ending must come with both life and death in the balance…and whose side has death been on this entire time?” I leaned forward, voice filling with sheer force of will.

          “Our side.” Thor grinned at last, gestured to me to go on.

         “Even gods can fall from the highest branches. This I know. Who do gods cry for when met with non-believers or enemies? Each other. Thanos had no one but his fleeting Black Order and broken Sanctuary. He tried and failed to court death. What good was he done? Galactus has his own forces, Heralds before Norrin, and controls the Surfer riding the beacon who doesn’t want to be in his service. You all saw that. En Sabah Nur had no one until he had me…”

        “And we followed you…not him.” Harry piped up, lips lifting.

        “And he knows now everything I have felt. He is lost and squandering alone.” I looked down and tilted my chin back up before I went on. “Death has allowed me to live on. Multiple times now. Knowing that I should and could have died. Knowing that I could have joined Thanos myself or stayed by the side of En Sabah Nur to leave the world in wastes so we could restart the wheel. Knowing I’d be perfect with him. You’re beginning to understand, yes. Death has  _always_  been on our side. How many of you should be standing here right now? None of you. Fate picked us very carefully. We are the champions of death and fate. Come together. And we're going to end this story together…so we can go on to live our own once more. Death always writes of our successes. She smiles fondly at them and waits so patiently. We shall meet someday, she thinks, but not this day.”

     “You forget one thing. The army.” Frigga walked down past Thor and I to look out at the sky. She summoned Odin’s spear to her hand and offered it to Thor finally. Weighted, he took it to hold it close.

     “I can get us one.” I exhaled a heavy breath to let fear topple from my shoulders. “I can get us an army. It’s what I was supposed to do from the start when we save the realms. Connecting to the Norns showed me things. It’s my task. My specialty. I’ll need a few things first.”

     “Name them.” Thor spoke so I smiled at my friends.

     “First, I need you to get me to water. The ocean. Everything else, we can get there.” I was beaming and so rejuvenated. Level headed and expanding beyond any boundary at the same time. Loki reached to take my hand.

     “Go, all of you. Fight well.” Frigga smiled, somber and still bright. “I’ll take care of everything here.”

     “We’ll come back to you, mother.” Thor promised, leading us out.

     “Take Sleipnir!” Frigga called and Thor let out a laugh as he raced ahead of us toward the royal stables. Doors crashed open and mighty legs kicked up into the air.

     “Sif, the vehicles!” Thor was taking Sleipnir’s reins. “Loki, take father’s horse.”

     “I want to but I’ve had an idea.” He peered at me and I grinned.

     “We’ll meet you there!” I took Loki’s hand and magic swelled to bring us both from the ground.

     “Little warning, darling!” Loki coiled around me and I laughed.

     “I have a favor!” I called over the rushing cold air. “When I signal you, I need you to call for Heimdall to open the bifrost!” The forest raced below us when I felt a shift and landed. “Here.”

     “Certain?” Loki came toward a cave and stopped when yellow eyes glowed from the darkness.

     “Pretty sure.” I crossed my arms. “Loki, I just wanted to say-”

     “I think we should sort through all of this after.” Loki eased forward, hand lifting. “Let’s see to it that the world stays in one piece. There is so much to discuss.”

     “Of course.” I puffed, peering down at my wedding dress. “I should change out of this first.”

     “It’s all right.” Loki heard a growl before Fenrir paced out of the shadows. “Odin’s magic has weaned. Come here…that’s it. You’re safe.” A large nose nudged Loki’s hand before he smiled. “Good boy.”

     “He certainly remembers us.” I remarked when Loki grunted as his face was licked. After letting Fenrir sniff me, I brought my hands up and broke the fetters from his limbs to free him completely.

     “Come,” Loki mounted him and I followed before we charged forth toward the ocean, half frozen. Fenrir was a mighty beast, free and wild finally. The lights of Heimdall’s Observatory and the Bifrost glimmered in the distance. Vehicles landed and Thor dismounted Sleipnir while I came to the shore.

     “Nice doggie…” Tony backed behind Bucky. “Grandma, what big teeth you have.”

     “He doesn’t bite.” Loki sounded bored.

     “He absolutely bites and I’d like to keep my other arm.” Bucky inched backwards with Tony gripping him.

     “Sit.” Loki commanded and the wolf did so, shaking out his coat.

     “What did you need first?” Jane asked after she landed as we all pulled to focus.

     “Apocalypse still has the pieces of my soul he absorbed into his for power. I’d like them back.” I turned to see them all.

     “We never located him.” Sam frowned and I looked to Harry.

     “Little help?” I gestured to his thigh and he pulled a blade from his suit.

     “You sure?”

     “Absolutely not.” I mused. “Slice it.” Hesitating, he dug the steel into my unburned palm and sliced down.

     “Sorry.”

     “Nonsense,” I hissed, flicking my hand back behind me to splatter a line of blood into the snow.

     “Here.” Fandral gently took my hands and a healing stone ended the pain. He kissed my cheek sweeter after. “I missed my lady.”

     “And I missed the dashing warrior.” I winked, earning smiles as I went back toward the shore and lifted my hands to summon all my will.

     “Anything?” Natasha asked and I nodded.

     “I feel…” My fingers stretched, little magical tendrils circled them to branch out. My heart thumped and hummed out along the world. “There.” I cocked my head. “Loki?”

     “Heimdall.” He crossed his arms before a beam of light crashed open and a body was hurtled toward me. My fingers closed around my scepter with En Sabah Nur clinging to the other end. Smirking, I tugged and let him fall into the snow at my feet. I didn’t move when he tried to stand on shaken legs before Loki’s foot knocked him backwards. “You killed my wife.”

     “How?” En watched my eyes, hard and intent on his while he kneeled before me in awe. Loki put his hand out before the others could advance on him.

     “Oh, En…” I was sympathetic. “The first thing I learned was where all souls hide. I hid mine long before the stone. Deep inside. When I was a daydreaming child. In the event that I was to die, my body would be returned to its original owner. You see. I’m a figment of her imagination. A guardian to protect a fragile psyche. You separate those for long enough, you believe it. Your soul tears apart. Putting it back together was difficult but with a little help from friends…I managed. I told you that you would come to your knees before me.” I stepped to him. “You crafted an identity once as well. Neither of us started as tangible things in our eyes but through passion and anger, anything can be real. Even childhood saviors I suppose.”

     “You’ve betrayed me.” He looked upon my face.

     “I betrayed them.” I corrected. “Everything between us was absolute. I meant every word of what I said to you. You showed me things no other could. We were meant to cross paths. Straight down the lines of destiny, you and I. You never disappointed me. Not even in death. Thank you.”

     “What to do with him?” Loki whispered and Thor shifted forward. “He should be executed for his crimes.”

     “As King of Asgard, I second my Royal Advisor’s motion. Yet, he is being tried by the one he wronged so.” Thor let out his breath. “The same way the Elders were. His head is yours to take, first step.” I was entertained at that and En held no fear. No contempt. Just loss. The world was not his. It never was. And yet…

     “En Sabah Nur.” I regarded him, hands lighting before gold chains whirled around his torso and wrists. “I do not deny my crimes and you do not deny yours. Taking your head serves so little purpose for me.” I handed my scepter to Loki and paced a few steps closer to stand before him in front of everyone upon the shore. “I need it back but you must give it of your own free will.”

     “The Earth has been judged. I will not overturn such judgement. Not even for you.” He breathed. “Our new world shall rise. No matter what you do here and now. It is a loss.”

     “You had nothing when I came to you. Only loss. Fumbling. I set out to inspire souls with hope and see as they gave it to others. I watched my friends that day when I betrayed and left them for you. But, they had it all. They did not need me. It was difficult for them to see this... I am a god, I hear and go where I am needed most. I just went to a soul who needed me most of all. That was you. Only you. Alas…I can only do so much. But, I heard your every call. You believed the Norns would flock to your side. Fill you with the power to join mine for giving me over. But, I’ve already chosen life, En. You could not understand such magnitude. Not yet. But, you will.”

     “Power?” He tilted his head back, amused at last. “There is truth to all that. And yet, you were just so…unfulfilled when I found you. You yearned and prayed, thinking that no one was listening. Do you remember all the things you asked of me? You were profound with a sickness. A melancholy. Misplaced in a vanishing world. But, now…” En closed his eyes and opened them to watch the sky beyond my hair. Slowly, he panned to focus on my expression, reading it as he so often did. “Now, you are always smiling. Through illness, animosity, and most of all, lament. For you were terrified of allowing these multitudes of universes to see the how utterly unbalanced their blood-drenched messiah had become. But…no longer.” He waited for me to drive my scepter through his heart. He waited to be devoured. But, I sighed and beamed peacefully before I tore through thousands of souls to finally see his at the center.

     “You love me, En Sabah Nur.” I stated, blissful and still. “And you’re not going to stop anytime soon.” Slowly I cupped his face, fingers tracing up along the back of his head. “I am goddess and messiah. I speak for the dead. These do not belong to you. Let them go.” Nails dug into the back of his neck. En tried to struggle and instead went rigid. Light beamed from both his eyes. Souls flooded and scraped together, scrambling to get out when I opened the path for them to be free. Desperately, his hands grabbed for my wrists and I heaved him up by his neck, sucking the stolen lives from his heart. His entire being changed. Armor tumbled to pieces and tubes broke away from his head. Veins etched underneath my skin were aflame. His body arched, skin crawling while bones broke and reformed. He screamed and I took his pain when allowed. I squeezed his neck with both hands while he kicked and locked into my eyes. The violent red to his eyes pooled back. Reeled in, En grew still. His lips parted. Fear and rage melted away to acceptance. Slowly, I released him, fingers tracing down his skin when he floated there in a sort of trance. I didn’t drop my hands, magic held him in place. “Remember. Not a god. Just a mutant man. Apocalypse is no longer.” My tone reverberated. Red eyes were wide at me while I stripped him down completely to something raw and genuine. I waited until he saw the beauty and longed for more.

     “Give…it to me…” He’d begged at long last. My hands closed to fists. En arched, head tipping back. Black hair grew from his scalp, limbs spread while he wore nothing but loose cloths. Slowly, he came down, dropping to his hands and knees. “It’s better…than nothing.” En looked back up at me, eyes intent with a younger face.

     “We have to finish this now. It will take all of us. Believing as one. Not just me.” I brought the blade of my scepter forth before aiming it at his heart. Gazes locked and he did not cringe while I let power flow up my arms, screamed, and stabbed the blade into the earth between us. Light erupted and swirled, bringing the snow with it. Green grass and flowers grew lush as the snow melted from trees. Water thawed until the waves grew restless against the shore. A perfect perimeter of a spring oasis formed and I took the staff back into my hands, turning from my awed friends to go toward the water. My foot shifted and I walked along it as waves stilled, floating just above the surface. I dragged the blade of my scepter into the pool behind me and something thumped distantly within the ground. Magic built like a sea of strings. Winding and looping all down my arms and to my fingertips. Uncertainty gripped and I looked back at Loki, meeting his eyes in the distance.

     “You must ask.” He encouraged over the wind. The staff in hand swooped forward, sending water to ripples. I closed my eyes, sliced through water once more before I opened them. Slowly, I set my scepter up right and watched the light grow around it up toward the sky.

     “I call upon the great tree. Those long departed from its mighty branches.” Slowly, I watched water whirl, light opened and traced an outline of Yggdrasil before me. “I call upon the fallen. From this realm and the next. Hear me. Yggdrasil is in danger.” Opening my arms, fingers outstretched for those willing to listen. “Your home is in danger. There is a great evil, trying to manipulate the spinning of wheels. The path of life we’ve built from ashes and stardust. But, together we can forge something great. Together we can stop it. The burn of light threatens the living so let us snuff it out and heal. I will not force the souls I feel beyond the veil. Hear my voice and follow it. Feel all our hearts beating strong enough to carry you forth. Fight with us. Save the world today and I swear to ferry you home.” My words echoed up and down the tree. The world hushed to hear my pleas. “Bring down the righteous rage and hope of a million souls to purge this evil from Midgard and any realm beyond it. Cleanse the great tree of ripe fruit and let them grow once more after this victory and the next. Come down and touch the soil. Come down and touch both justice and vengeance.” Strings came still to wind around my fingers and up my arms. Untold numbers reached out for me and in one motion, I gripped the mass of cords and tore them all at once to set every soul free. Arms lifted and streams of god rays echoed up from the sea and down from the sky above. Fruit opened for every realm and orbs swirled out of each one. Water bubbled and grew restless with echoing calls. And then it was still. Dropping my arms, I looked back at my friends, shrugging.

     “Did it work?!” Tony called, a smirk crossing his face and I opened my mouth to answer before skeletal hands charged up to grab my ankles then tugged me under the water. Fear faded when the orbs of pure lights swelled around me. Bones and skulls formed around them, ribcages holding the soul inside. Ruined tissue stretched up bodies with torn clothing. I let the hands pull me far asunder into the depths before the sea floor rippled and cracked apart. Ancient Asgardian ships made of stone glowed to life and lifted up. Hands pushed me toward the largest while magic allowed breath to my lungs. I felt trusted. Fingers closed mine around the wheel to steer us all toward the surface, crashing above water so my entire fleet could hover in the sky. Excited calls echoed below from my friends while I dried myself and tossed my hands in the air, cheering.

     “I’d say it worked, Tony!” I called over the side, summoning the scepter to my hands. Chariots and ships rose all around, departed beings from all nine realms climbed in with various weapons and creatures. They cheered too and clanged blades and hammers together, restless for battle. I drew the ships down while more undead came out of the forests from other realms to join us. My clothing changed to a decorated, regal variation of my black armor scaling the length of my body. Iridescent colors gleamed while I moved under the sun. Asgardian flags flicked against the wind behind me so I heaved and smiled wide, looking around. I’d spun the wheel until it broke free. “All aboard!” Two of my crew let a ramp down while my army loaded the rest of the fleet. Fandral and Hogun pulled En along in his chains and attached him to the side. Sleipnir and Fenrir were joined by other beasts into large barges.

     “Look!” Mary Jane pointed over the side as Loki hurried to my arms. The last figure emerged from the forest, half decomposed. But, then he smiled up at us and light illuminated his form.

     “Steve.” Bucky choked when our friend came to the ramp to climb up it. Steve didn’t speak, he only beamed and touched Bucky’s face before he poked his chest once. They embraced and Tony joined them followed by Sam and Natasha. I wiped my cheek and Steve came toward me.

     “It’s good to have you back today.” I swallowed and he put his arms around me tight. I cupped the back of his head and illuminated him further, fresh skin healed up and down his body and he spoke at last.

     “I love you guys.” Steve pulled his first shield from his back. “No time to waste.”

     “Right.” I blinked back my tears and sniffled, coming to the controls. I felt thousands of souls intertwined into mine and awaiting orders. “Let’s save the world, yeah?”

     “On your orders, general first step.” Thor joked to my right, clapping Steve on the shoulder.

     “Yes, my king.” I turned the wheel around as the ramp came up.

     “Heimdall is watching Midgard, he’ll bring us to Galactus’ point of entry.” Sif watched the ships charge behind us when they jerked to life. “We’ll escort Lady Watson to a safer place when we arrive and find the rest of your friends. They’ll likely be waiting for us there.”

     “The Bifrost is opening!” I called. “Might want to grab onto something.” Loki took my hand in his and I turned to beam at him. Heimdall looked up, waving with Frigga next to him while we all were engulfed into the portal. Blasted forth, the sky opened up against Midgard when we entered an empty city. Wind picked up as lights flickered and sparks glimmered between powerlines.

     “Where are we?” Natasha came to Thor’s right.

     “Cairo.” En answered behind us, eyes glued to me while he was trapped on his knees. “Heart of civilization.” Vessels poured in behind us.

     “I see Sharon and the others!” Natasha pointed. “There!” We came to a roof and the ramp came down so I could jump out and greet everyone.

     “Oh, yeah, she’s alive now.” Tony cocked his head while I came to Sharon and Maria first.

     “I brought us an army.” I exhaled while darks clouds poured in above. “I was a real, vile bitch. I’m truly sorry about that.”

     “Army helps.” Maria remarked, touching my arm. “You good?”

     “I am now.” I turned around. “Sharon, someone wishes to greet you.” Steve Rogers came down from above and she gasped, hurrying toward him so they could embrace.

     “It’s you.” She kissed him briefly, cupping his youthful face. “Steve.”

     “I’m so sorry, Sharon. I wish things could have gone farther than they did.” He’d replied. “You look great. I missed you.” I went to greet Jean and the X-Men behind her, sharing hugs with many.

     “Emma.” I was relieved to see her with my old team. She went stiff when I hugged her but warmed, patting my back.

     “For a moment, we thought you might stay in Asgard.” She remarked and I smiled. Sue Storm raced up a set of stairs with her team.

     “Good to have you back. Considering.” She grinned at me. “Surfer isn’t doing well. We tried to get him on the board but he refuses.” Reed and Johnny helped Norrin Radd up and set him down.

     “Galactus is, and ever will be.” He’d relented to fate.

     “Norrin, we can stop him.” Sue tried. "Look around you."

     “It wasn’t your fault.” I glanced up. “We could have minutes or hours now.” I peered around at my ships waiting. “We have En.”

     “Not looking himself.” Emma craned her neck as he watched us all. Unmoved. “Chains suit you but the silence is a lot better.” I came up on a ledge while my fleet waited.

     “Look…” Peter came to Natasha’s side. “It’s already here.” Across the city, the clouds pierced the sky and a building fizzled apart only to be sucked toward the void.

     “We can’t hold him back.” Sam touched my shoulder and I nodded, hurrying forward up onto my ship.

     “We have to contain him!” I flew up the mast to stand on the top. “It’s time to stand together. I need leaders at the helm of each realm's faction. Hold steady and shield this world from his wrath.” Lightning echoed into the sky and Galactus’s helm outlined itself. “Get ready for a fight!” I warned before globes of smoke poured down into buildings. Long dead Heralds were born anew, growing large and the supers flew down into battle. Sharon watched Steve’s hand slip from her after he whispered in her ear.

     “They’ll need me up there.” He climbed to my level.

     “Lead the Midgardians, Steve. They’ll follow you.” A vessel came for him and he took command.

     “Proud of you guys. I’ll be watching. Always. Take care of each other.” Steve Rogers went up, shield lifted while many followed him.

     “Goodbye, Steve Rogers. We love you.” I exhaled silently, looking around. “Nerien!” I called, flying up to lead my army toward the battle. “Karliah.” She found me first, other Asgardians and elves with her and I steered to let them join me.

     “We can only hold for so long. You’re doing well, just hold firm. We won’t let go until you’re ready.” She watched me nod as they sky began to fall. Souls and ships weaved together, a field of blackness echoed out. “Thank you…for preserving us all.” She touched my face. “I’m proud to call you ours.”

     “I won’t let you all die. Not again.” I promised her.

     “We’ll buy time.” Nerien came to the helm. “Go.”

     “Wait.” I watched the biggest Herald, Tyrant, smash into a building while X-Men surrounded him. Jean Grey exploded with wings of fire. “Karliah, take the wheel. There.” She jerked the vessel down and smashed into him, depleting his defense so Jean could burn him part. We swirled and I used magic to hold him down before we rode higher.

     “If you get too close, he will take you. We have it from here,” Nerien touched my shoulder while he ascended again. “We need to be strong. We’ll hold for as long as we are able.” Galactus made contact with the forming wave of undead and sparks fractured out as he was blocked.

     “It’s working.” I saw Steve salute with two fingers before he charged forth to join, waving for others behind him.

     “Go now. You have to hold us if we’re going to keep him away.” Karliah beamed. “Take care of us.”

     “I will.” I turned and a shadowy figure stepped in front of me. He towered and removed his hood with eyes that sparkled into mine. Lush curls. Pointed ears. My skin tone and a pointed, rounded face shape like a heart. Thick brows and lashes. “Father?” He pressed something metal into both of my hands, touching my face before I felt his soul warm and phase through mine. Gasping, I lifted from the ship and turned mid-air to watch it join the others.  _Forgive me, my darling_. I did. Carefully, I opened my hands and saw an old Asgardian medal. A favor from war. My eyes welled. Falling back, I caught myself and outstretched my arms. The scepter exploded with light while the souls grew like a mighty wave and blocked out the sun. Its beam swirled to strengthen the field. Galactus struggled behind it. My scepter dimmed and darkness crawled over my eyes. Battles illuminated in the clashing of weapons like mighty waves of light.

     “Norrin, we need you to save the world. Do you understand?” Sue jumped down when I landed, turning before I realized En was nowhere in sight. His chains left behind.

     “Sue!” I called. “The board! Where is it?”

     “Shield vehicles.” She hurried to me and light lit up her face before she pushed me aside with a force field. “Look out!” Sue lifted her shield again too late and a steel shard entered her chest.

     “Sue!” I caught her and Johnny flew down with Reed and Janet.

     “Sue, hold on.” Janet pulled her. “We got you.”

     “No…no, no.” Reed dropped to his knees while she wheezed.

     “Apocalypse.” She warned. “The board.”

     “Go, now, stop him. We got her.” Janet ordered and I flew up, stilling when I saw Norrin on his feet.

     “Sometimes all it takes is one hopeful soul to change the way we see the world! Sometimes that soul is the one flickering inside us hiding!” I watched him blink and soared down. “Loki!” I picked him up and weaved between the legs of another adversary. Galactus pounded above.

     “We’re running out of time.” Loki observed.

     “Yes. I know.” I pushed harder. “Will you marry me again?”

     “I’d do it a hundred times over.” Loki kissed me and held tight so we landed.

     “En!” I watched him turn. He looked so small without his armor. Orange light blasted against purple and we both tossed back. Loki yanked me up and blades materialized out of his arms. En swept them away, fists clenching. “Is this the world you want?”

     “Is it worth saving to you?” He countered. Explosions shook the ground.

     “We started this, En. King and Queen on the board at last. You know we have to end it together. We have to choose the same.” I stepped ahead of Loki and he took my wrist before letting it slip. “Look around you. Think about what could have been. You can still grasp that. Even now. The world was wrong about us both.” Galactus sparked against the shield again. “We cannot control the wheels of fate, not any longer. We can only guide hands toward the correct path. One of light and dark that’ll twist every way. This world was never yours but it could be still. Look at the millions of years you have ahead of you now. You have to make home yourself, En, but you can accept the empathetic hands of others with that. We built up the fires and watched them ravage and now we have to trust they’ll heal just the same. We have to trust people again. I can. Can you? Can you find it within yourself to save something broken because there might be just a chance of fixing it? Can you go on searching for something that’s worth it in this life? I didn’t think I could, but I do now…and I felt that same loss in you. I felt so much more. I stripped away only the artificial, you’re still here. Not your masters. Not your followers. Just you…and I’m glad.” I slipped my hand into Loki's and En had that peculiar expression of observation again.

     “He’s breaking through…” Loki’s chest shuddered and I got in front of him when En broke open the chamber’s doors. He gripped the board at the same time, the entire shield crackled apart. I could have gone for En. Stopped him. But, I went for Loki instead, I hugged him close to me.

     “I love you.”

     “I love you as well. So very much.” Loki closed his eyes. He didn’t want to watch me die again. I set my head on his shoulder and looked up while the sky tumbled down. My army tried to knit together to stop it, slowing the process. A flash of silver soared over me before purple light opened up, blasting Galactus backwards. En Sabah Nur let the board slip through his fingers before the Silver Surfer jumped down to land on it. En breathed out, hand lifted and slid his eyes to mine. We stared at each other, awed somehow. His chest shuddered and the heart inside it glowed bright lavender. All at once. A thank you ghosted on my lips but never left with sound.

     “Sue…” I trailed off, picking Loki up with me when I followed Norrin back to her. Reed was weeping, holding her closer with Johnny also crying into his shoulder and petting her hair. Ben was on his knees behind them. “Sue!” Many of my beaten friends gathered before Norrin Radd hovered over us coming together as one. Heralds fell and Galactus remained. Slowly, Norrin lifted his chrome hand and brought life back into her. The shrapnel faded away.

     “Treasure each moment together…and tell her she was right.” He looked from Sue stirring to me. “We do have a choice.”

     “We can get you up there,” Thor nodded. Norrin’s skin was half tarnished and Sue exhaled, eyes opening. A giant mass of black smoke like tar soared back down before more violet light sent it scattering away. En stood behind me on the ledge, a simpler armor fluttered over his skin.

     “I’ve chosen you.” He watched me beam. “Life.” I left my friends to stand between them, tears blurring my vision before I sniffled and summoned the courage.

     “I’ll go with you.” I tried to hope. “Together.”

     “I won’t lose you again,” Loki took my hand before I could lift.

     “You never will.” I kissed his head and summoned a vessel to me. “Norrin.” I watched him nod and soar forth. En joined me at the helm. My army cleaved the path open while my family below watched, souls clinging together with awe and so much faith. “I’ll keep it as open as I can!” I shouted and Norrin nodded, pushing himself toward the sky while I sent obstacles aside.

     “I will no longer serve you.” Norrin extended his hands. “This is the end for us both.”

     “You do not have to do this.” En watched my eyes, standing tall to my right. We would face the end together like we were meant to.

     “I just didn’t want you to go alone.” I’d offered and he looked up at Galactus charging toward us. His gentle voice somehow echoed above the chaos with such force and power.

     “ _All is revealed._ ” He closed his eyes and opened them to see my face. “You…were right.” En touched my shoulder, almost scoffing at such a realization. “I do love you.” At the very peak, he gathered his strength and pushed me hard. My fingers slipped against his and I was falling toward the earth away from danger.

     “En!” I watched Norrin curl up and a shockwave split Galactus in half. He shattered. En Sabah Nur summoned the rest of his power and channeled every bit into the surfer. The cloud covered them both and an explosion skyrocketed across the sky. Across space. Across every realm. It wiped Galactus away. A body collided with me before I spun and looked up to see Jane’s hand on my arm.

     “I have you.” We landed and I stumbled back, crawling forward in an instant to feel the sun back on my face.

     “En…” I searched the sky and saw the twinkle of a falling star before I was running toward it. Building to building, I leapt forth and caught him. We crashed across the street into rubble and I reclined there next to him a moment. “We won…” I closed my eyes and thanked every star in the sky before I forced myself up. “En.” Superheroes and Shield Agents came from all angles to see me gather him into my arms. En wheezed and looked up at me.

     “Finish…this…” En closed his eyes and prayed to himself. I crumbled and touched his forehead, granting his last prayer to me. Mercy. “Thank you.” He offered me my name in a distant sigh. “ _Amen_.”

     “I’ll come back for you. When you are ready, I’ll tell you our stories. Wonder and despair. I promise.” I choked on a sob and stole his memories away. He passed out and I cradled him. Embraces were shared when the realization that we were still alive swept the area. “Scott…Jean. Darwin. Ororo. Logan. Charles. I have…no right to ask.” I held En so close to my body. “Take him. Take him into the X-Men. Take him into your school. Teach him. Please.”

     “You know we can’t.” Scott refused instantly and Jean touched his shoulder.

     “Things have changed. His memories and those souls. They’re gone.”

     “I know. But, please, reconsider. He does not remember.” I was crying on my knees. “Every soul deserves a chance! Teach him the right way. He’ll listen. It is what you’ve always wanted. To show souls a better path. I’m giving you a soul in need of such care. He cannot worship me any longer. Take him, please. Treat him as an equal. Not god or monster. His name is En. He carries the mutant gene and his powers can do wonders. With you, he can learn and live amongst friends, not followers. People who care about the person he is, not what he can do. He can grow. Through his power, there is another name he can live behind.  _Genesis_.” Charles looked between his team, rolling forward.

     “We accept.” He touched my hand so Darwin and Logan carried En from my arms. Harry fell to his knees and held me while I cried softly into my fist.

     “Thank you.” I sniffled and watched my army of souls pass around us to go home while I bid it. Steve smiled one last time until the light engulfed his body.

     “I’m always here but, you won’t always need me.” He was gone. Portals closed. Peace settled in. We remained. Thor dropped to hold me and Loki joined. Many came in while we huddled to enjoy the simple and extraordinary gift of life.

     “We’ve done it.” Thor stood tall. “Together. Just like we were destined.”

     “Why did Apoc…En, help save us?” Fandral asked next to him. “After everything.”

     “In the end, he could not kill her for good. Try as he did.” Jean watched me. “But, what’s worse…watching someone you love die.” I nodded slowly and gathered my thoughts, deciding my own fate at last.

     “There is…one more thing.” I stood and Harry came with. “Thor. My king. You must do it. You must try me fairly. En was judged. I must be as well.”

     “You helped to save us.” Sif shook her head.

     “I think a royal pardon is in order.” Tony added.

     “It doesn’t change what I have done. My friends. I want to live with myself.” I turned around to see them. “It is okay, Harry.” He was quivering, shaking his head. I touched his arms and kissed his cheek before Peter and Mary Jane came for him. “You must do it, Thor. No one else.”

     “I cannot.” He watched me, pleading.

     “You are forever one of my closest friends. I love you. I love you all. But, you are now King. Newly King. You cannot deny justice. You and I both know you must do it.”

     “Sweetheart,” Loki shook his head, hands on me. “Don’t do this.”

     “I must. Thor, you are a King. So be a King.” I insisted.

     “She,” Thor was pained, staff in hand. “She is right. Father would have done the same.”

     “Brother, please.” Loki attempted but Thor was harder in his words.

     “Warriors Three. My Lady Sif.” He ordered, standing taller. “Take her back to Asgard where she will await trial tomorrow.” Many protests began and my friends hesitated before chains shackled my wrists. I sighed, nodding.

     “It’s okay.” I assured them all, unable to say my goodbyes. “It’s all right… I…I am happy.”

     “Heimdall.” Thor swallowed before light took me away from my loved ones.

** ** **

     "Nervous, brother?" Thor came to Loki while military aid swept the area with supers.

     "To return at last? Take my place?" Loki shook his head. "No. It is time. I feared it for so long and yet...things have a way of falling where they are supposed to. But, I must go to her. When you return, I will speak on her behalf."

     "I expect you to. I will hear you." Thor touched his shoulder. "I'll be right behind you, Loki."

     "Promise?" Loki tried to smile this time so Thor followed.

     "I do." He agreed and footsteps appeared behind them.

     "You're leaving." Peter Parker frowned when Loki turned to see him and the mutant children. His own heart thumped hard and slowed.

     "It is time." Loki peered around. The Avengers joined them. He would miss these annoying mortals. These remarkable, annoying mortals. "Something tells me I'll sneak back here. I have my ways. Once or twice. I'd grown somewhat fond of the food, you see."

     "The food. Of course." Tony remarked. "He'll miss us."

     "I loathe you."

     "That is Loki's way of saying he'll miss you. Funny, how life twisted us together. I believe it was for the better." Thor was bright.

     "Avengers. Earth's mightiest heroes. Just behind the X-Men, of course." Loki bowed his head when a few scoffed with amusement at him. "I won't forget our time. Frankly, no one will let me." Peter pressed his lips and came forward, hand out. Loki hesitated but took it before arms went around him.

     "Thank you. For everything." Peter whispered and Loki was stiff, relaxing to pat his back.

     "You are a good one, Peter Parker. Do not forget. No, don't do this. It will mean I..." Loki swallowed when Bobby and the rest of the kids came to join in. Green eyes welled with tears that were held back. M.J. and Harry exchanged looks but came too. "Take care of each other. You will find one day that your brothers and sisters are all you have for long heartbeats in time. You must look after each other." They came back with murmurs of farewell. "Like I said...the food was adequate here. I must return for it. And...I do appreciate how you took care of my wife. All of you. I suppose I see your appeal in the slightest."

     "Don't get too sappy." Natasha crossed her arms, eyebrow lifting.

     "There is something else. Someone very near to my heart." Loki came forward toward Tony with intent eyes before pushing him out of the way to take Bucky's face and kiss it. "Oh, I'll miss this. Do not change, James Barnes. Look me up if you're ever in Asgard, will you? My wife and I will keep your space open."

     "Uh, ah, yeah, sure. Take care...Loki." Bucky was wide eyed when everyone's face fell before Loki winked and patted his cheek. Thor's mouth dropped open in confusion before he shook it away.

     "Alright, now I am ready to go. Farewell, Avengers and company." Loki stood before them, smiling with some growing fondness. "Keep the in-fighting to a minimum if you can."

     "Keep the tacky horned helmets out of your wardrobe," Tony called and the light took Loki away, not allowing him to retort. "Hate that guy."

     "Me too," Bruce added, entertained.

     "Not too bad." Bucky earned odd looks and shrugged, turning before anyone could question him.

     "No...not too bad at all." Peter agreed, taking Mary Jane's hand then Harry's so they could go off. Thor followed his team, arm looping over Jane's shoulders while his brother disappeared.

     Loki opened his eyes in Asgard once more to see his mother reaching out toward him.

     "Welcome home at last, my son." She took him into her embrace and held him for as long as she could. Loki responded to her love in full.

** ** **

     The cell illuminated while I sat on the bed and waited. Fear passed within the first hour. I was at peace. I waited in a simple prison garb before someone came for me. Loki pressed his hand to the pad and came in alone, arms behind his back.

     “Evening.” I’d offered before he could, smiling. “How were the others?”

     “There are trying to come to terms. Long period of healing ahead. But, such things usually work out, somehow. Perhaps with a little help from those we cherish. I'll miss them. I blame you.” Loki stood tall in regal clothing.

     "I'll shoulder half the blame. Not all."

     “Thor will return in the morning. They’re trying to usher some order after everything. Much rebuilding to do but I’ve underestimated Midgardians before.”

     “Why have you come?” I asked. I hadn’t seen anyone in hours.

     “With Thor busy, I elected to hold the final questioning.” Loki dropped his hand. “Unfortunately, I’ve left my notes elsewhere.”

     “Fancy that.” I remarked and he came to me, sitting down at my side.

     “We can leave, you know? You and I again. Explore the rest of the realms.” Loki quirked his lip at me and I sighed, smiling.

     “Perhaps another time.” I watched him take my hands in his. “If I am for the axe, I want you to continue on. With Thor and all our friends. Make Jane feel at home when it is her time to stay in Asgard. Keep protecting and loving as hard as you can.” Loki crumbled and I caressed his face. “Don’t be afraid for me. We both know this is right.”

     “I’ve just gotten you back.”

     “I told you, Loki, you won’t lose me. You know I’m always here with you. That won’t end because of a stilled heart. You have so much to offer the realms, Prince Loki. Fierce sorcerer. Beloved husband. The years we had together were everything. I wouldn’t change them now. We survived Thanos. Malekith. Galactus. Death. Countless evils. We came together. We fought together. We loved so hard. So, just hold me.” I watched Loki’s face while he sniffled before I kissed him. He came forward, pressing me into the mattress so we could have just one last night together.

     Loki’s body covered mine. He took my face and opened his lips against my mouth, traveling down while my shirt was pulled off. I undressed him and moaned out while his tongue coaxed pleasure from skin. He slipped his hand into my pants, tugging them down before fingers pressed inside me.

     “Oh, you feel so good…” I whimpered and tugged at hair while my thighs hitched up. His mouth found my clit to toy with it. My name was all over his lips. Loki came up and pushed inside, holding me close. We watched each other’s eyes well up and rocked together. Emotion unfurled and he squeezed me, hips bucking into mine while we made love and mourned together.

     “I love you.” Loki offered and couldn’t stop. “I love you… Love you.”

     “Loki, I’m coming.” My legs forced his hips flush against mine. We both seized with climax together, souls intertwining while we created something new from so much love outpouring. He stayed there and held me for hours into the night until dawn broke. My trial was nearing. Still, fear was so far away. Loki kissed me long and hard before we had to part. They gave me a dress and chained my wrists. Alistair joined Sif and the Warriors to lead me before Thor on the throne. Loki was to his right. Frigga was seated to his left. My face brightened when I came to the bottom of the steps. Thor tapped the staff upon the floor and forced out my name.

     “You stand accused of treason. You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of forcing these nine realms into chaos and war. How do you plead?” Thor sat up.

     “I am guilty, my king.” I began and watched Loki touch Thor’s wrist, lips opening but Thor stood up. Loki exhaled and put full trust in his elder brother.

     “You’ve given your body and soul to the service of these nine realms. You’ve fought beside my top warriors and I for all our lives. You’ve sacrificed yourself for the protection of others. Countless times. You have saved us and that will not soon be forgotten. But, as you have said, good deeds do not always erase the evil ones.” Thor came down the steps and I leaned toward him, eyes big and curious into his. “Many have vouched for you. I cannot deny the blame on you. But, I cannot pretend the events that led you to this moment were invalid. Like many before you, life found a way to beat you down. Abuse. Imprisonment. Loss. Mental health that was not given the care and attention it needed. Many are set up to fail from the start. You overcame. Not every time. It would speak ill of me to condemn you the same way life has so often brought harm and weight to your shoulders. The stress of being god and warrior is so great. So many of us in Asgard suffer without solace or care. We forget. It is my wish to prevent that while I stand as King. We are gods but we are not soulless. You’ve helped show us all this. Asgard could have done more and I am sorry. So we are at a crossroads. What would you suggest for your betrayal and for your sacrifices?”

     “My King,” my hands were tight fists, “I ask only the chance to further fix my mistakes.”

     “Then I will give you that.” Thor tapped his staff and my lips lifted with pride at him. “I, Thor Odinson, King of Asgard and forever protector of Yggdrasil…sentence you to one hundred years in service of these realms. You were given a mission by my Queen mother and you must see that to the end. You must atone in another world. In exile. After your service, you will return to us all.” Everyone around me whispered but I was so accepting. So ready. “Until that time, Asgard and its people cannot have contact with you.”

     “Thor…” Loki realized the weight of the situation. We would not see each other for a hundred years.

     “Now, I see fit…to place you on Midgard, to begin your atonement. What say you?”

     “I accept, my King.” I sighed. “Thank you.”

     “Sentence will begin immediately. To the bifrost. You will be given basic supplies for your quest. I wish you well. We all do.” Thor touched my shoulder this time and then my face.

     “Thor, please,” Loki came to my side.

     “It’s done.” I cupped his face. “You have to stay here and stand on those stairs and set things right. I’ll be doing the same somewhere else. It’s only one hundred years. We spent thousands apart before our first kiss. You remember? Just watch the stars and know I am there looking back. We can do this, Loki.”

     “I’ll miss you,” he quivered and held me, kissing me once more before my chains were tugged.

     “Clasp your hands. Pray. Dream. I’ll hear you.” I was led off into a barge. They came to see me off. Goodbyes were tearful and so short.

     “Farewell…my sweet lady.” Fandral tried to be strong and I was smashed between him, Volstagg, and Hogun.

     “Thank you for always being there. For being my family, Fandral. Tell my mother, I’ll come home soon.” I nodded.

     “I’m so proud of you,” Volstagg kissed my head.

     “Remember your home will be here waiting,” Hogun cupped my face and Fandral grabbed me again.

     “I will see you all soon. Fandral…You were my first friend. A true and dashing warrior.” I watched Fandral nod and try to speak.

     “We love you.”

     “Sif…I do hope you’ve many stories when I return.” I hugged her tight and she wiped her eyes. “I’ll miss you…and the time we shared here.”

     “I am truly sorry to see you go.” She sniffed. “Do right by others. But, never forget yourself.”

     “My dear.” Frigga cupped my face. “You must be strong now. Odin and I were so proud to bring you into our house. That won’t soon be forgotten.” She slipped something on a chain into my pocket. “You shall need this piece of home for your mission.” Thor crumbled when he met my eyes.

     “No, Thor. You did so well. A mighty and just King.”

     “You helped bring Asgard back together. You helped bring my family back from the brink. I’ll always cherish you. Your step next to me will be waiting when you return. Do not be afraid to reach out. I love you. Jane will be between both worlds. She will report on you.” Thor sniffled. “And there will be a marriage arranged upon your return. Two. One for Asgard. One just for me.”

     “I’ll be looking forward to it. You’ve come so far. Asgard will thrive with you on that throne.” I hugged him so tight and came to Alistair, Moira, Faleen, and Elise.

     “The things you all have done for me. To pick me up and encourage me. To love me…go so far above and beyond anything I could have hoped for. I love all of you and I’ll count the days until I can see you again. Please…look after each other. I know you will.” Finally, I saw Loki waiting with Heimdall at the opening. He stopped to slide my ring onto my finger.

     “I can’t…say goodbye.”

     “So, don’t.” I squeezed his hands. “Just say I love you. I always will. And see you soon.”

     “I love you…I always will.” Loki sniffled hard and looked away before he met my eyes. “And I’ll see you so soon.”

     “There’s my prince.” I kissed him, smoothing my thumbs down his cheeks. “I’m so proud to call you mine. We both have work to do, better get started. It’s a brave new world, you know? We shared so many moments under lanterns and stars. It won’t be long before we’re caught dancing under them once more. Keep the mischief in check. But, definitely don’t lose it. I love you, Loki, and I'm proud of you.” Loki chuckled, nodding before he kissed me again and helped me into a sleek Asgardian vessel with some supplies. Heimdall smiled at me to my right. “It’s a beautiful day, is it not, Heimdall?”

     “Oh, yes.” He touched my arm. “It shall be even better, I imagine, upon your return. Take care of yourself. I shall be watching this time.”

     “Of course you will.” I sat down and exhaled. My father’s medal was in my bag and I plucked it up to smile at it, tucking it away. Loki settled my scepter next to me and I looked back at my friends. “I shall return to you. Sooner than you think.” The bifrost opened up before me and my vehicle started. “Have hope.” My smile didn’t end when I went forth into the lights and blasted toward Midgard. My vessel landed upon Avengers Tower and there was a scream before Tony fell backwards over a crate.

     “You’re back.” Natasha got to me first.

     “Yes…for a while now.” I jumped out to greet my team. All of them including Mary Jane and Harry flocked from crates of repair items to see me.

     “You get in trouble?” Tony shrugged.

     “A little. Exiled for a while until I finish what I started and fix up the realms.”

     “How long?” Bucky asked, one arm around me.

     “Only one hundred years. I got off easy.” I watched them exchange flat looks.

     “Well, since you’re here, clean the mess,” Tony put a hammer in my hand. “I expect this place to be squeaky clean before dinner or you shall not go to the ball.” My friends all laughed, following him off and I smiled more so to myself. The days ahead were bright.

     “Tony. My friends…” I watched them turn. “Thank you.”

     “Up for some Thai food while you tell us all about it?” Natasha looped her arm into mine and Harry surged forth to hug me.

     “I can spare the time, I think.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tiny cube glowing within a crystalline structure. “Frigga.”

     “What is that?” Janet asked with Jane craning her neck to see.

     “It’s…a piece of the Space Stone. To ease my travels. I have to find the sister stones and bring them back to Asgard, you see. Eventually. But, Thai food comes first.” I passed my friends this time and clicked the elevator. “You coming?” Tony scoffed and came toward me.

     “Shit. I thought rebuilding the world was work enough.”

** ** **

     We rebuilt. Little by little. More super-humans and mutants came forward without fear into communities who accepted them. I got to watch and thrived, helping those in need of a kind hand. I told my story at least once a day and listened to them unfurl into a world that was changing for the better. One by one, I started to build my friends up again.

     “Bruce, I have a visitor for you. Turns out someone looked for you as well.” I held the door back and his clipboard fell as Betty Ross came in.

     “Hello, Bruce.” She smiled, rushing to him and he swept her up into a large hug.

     “Warms the heart.” Tony remarked next to me, bumping his fist into mine.

     “He needed this. They both did.” Natasha agreed. “Maria and Sharon have been in contact with her. I’m glad we got her to come out finally. Peter should be home from Danvers’ base at any minute. Clint, Bucky, and I are making bets about when he’s proposing to Mary Jane.”

     “Ah, I might know something about that.” Tony shrugged.

     “Tell me,” Bucky smacked his arm. “I keep losing money to them both.”

     “All these super marriages. Scott and Jean. Logan and Ororo. Bobby and John are in talks and cannot be parted from each other since the battle.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Warren moved in with Betsy.”

     “Ugh, aren’t you and Pepper looking at rings?” Natasha remarked.

     “Yeah, I wanted us to be the only ones though.” Tony insisted and I chuckled at them.

     “What next?” Bucky sighed and I smiled.

     “Oh. Fun news. I’m pregnant with Loki’s baby.” I turned and hushed them, earning wide-eyed stares before I flitted off and they immediately pursued.

     “How?” Tony gaped.

     “We had sex in my cell before my trial. I haven’t exactly been protected in a long time.” I shrugged.

     “But, when did you know?” Natasha spread her arms out.

     “Not long after actually. I saw the little soul before I started the morning sickness. It was a weird day for me.” I went down the stairs.

     “And you’re just now spilling it!” Tony rubbed his eyes. “You know, we’re going to spoil that little blueberry.”

     “You had better.” I was laughing when Pepper came inside.

     “What’s so funny?”

     “Pepper, you’ll never believe who among us is expecting.” Tony crossed his arms and she looked aghast at me.

     “You told them I was pregnant?” She watched me shake my head. “Oh…oops.” Natasha slapped Bucky’s chest, tugging his shirt to ensure he was hearing this.

     “Wait… You…You’re…a baby?” Tony’s eyes rolled back and he fainted into the stairs.

     “Should we move him?” Bucky piped up when I looped my arm into his. We all shook our heads.

** ** **

     It was a while before I came to the X-Men’s mansion. We agreed some time away was best. Scott welcomed me with Jean for a visit and special training session with the teens.

     “You sure you’re okay to do this?” Kitty walked with me and Rogue joined us.

     “I’m barely into my pregnancy, I’m not even showing yet. It won’t be an intent session.” I smiled, watching the kids across the way. “I’m glad John stayed with you all.”

     “Warren and Betsy visit. Magneto is still… Well, he’s always marched to his own drum. Mystique too. I’m glad Emma is teaching here now. She’s fantastic.” Rogue went on. Jean called across the way and I stilled in my tracks.

     “Rogue. Kitty. Can you give us a moment?” She beckoned for someone and my heart fluttered. “En. You should meet the Asgardian Avenger they all talk about. She saved your life that day.” En smiled without weight on his shoulders and came toward me in mortal clothing. His mutation made him stand out so. Soft black hair rustled when he nodded.

     “En Sabah Nur. Sometimes they call me Genesis on the team. They told me you gave me my life.” He extended a hand. “I have wanted to meet you for so long.” My hand clasped into both of his, a spark echoed between us. His red eyes gleamed into mine. My heart filled with warmth at the sight of fresh lavender.

     “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. You look so well. Do you like it here?”

     “It is home now. I think I shall be around for much longer. I would like to hear the story someday when you have the time.” He offered my name.

     “Yes, of course. I’m…so happy for you.” I touched his cheek and my fingers skimmed briefly. “I will tell it one day.” Jean waved and he went off.

     “He’s doing well here. Bit of a shock.”

     “I imagine.” I touched my stomach and felt it grow cold.

     “Are you all right?”

     “Yes, I’ve not known a mixed Asgardian to carry a half Jotun child. I’m worried about carrying and birth. There isn’t an expert around. Well…not on this realm.” I watched it dawn on her. “I think I know what I’m supposed to do. I think I was meant to do it. Odin wasn’t wrong when he said a Jotun child could bring about some peace between two long suffering realms.”

     “We’ll all be waiting when you get back.”

** ** **

     The Space Stone took me away a month later into the freezing cold. I brought my hood down and approached the desolate castles. Brought down by years of heartache.

     “Tell me why we should not have you killed.” Their Queen cared little for greetings.

     “I am carrying the child of Loki Laufeyson within me. I come to you with the hopes that we can bring about peace between Asgard and Jotunheim. We both lost Kings to war. We’ve both suffered long. We can end it now. No Asgardian I know has carried a Jotun baby so I’m coming to you now, submitting myself to your culture so that my child may know their origin, so that peace can finally overcome, and so that I might make it through this birth with my baby. I humbly ask… No, I beg for the assistance and sanctuary only your realm can give my child and I. I will respect your word and laws in all matters. My child will know their family. It is what I want for them. I want them to grow up knowledgeable and unashamed. I want both of our worlds to rebuild something better for the future. My baby can do that.” My hand lifted. “If you’ll allow me to show you.”

     “Come forward.”

** ** **

     Pregnancy was harsher than the cold. My tent was warmed to the best of their abilities but it could not bring them or the child discomfort. I traveled with them, bundled up in cloaks. Most of the time, I spent in bed while a midwife fussed over me. I met Loki’s many brothers and sisters and gained their respect in small doses. The baby made me sick the last three months and I wasn’t sure if either of us would make it.

     “You must walk,” the midwife pressed while I leaned over the bed. My stomach was so cold. The baby was restless under it. Labor took three days. I groaned and pressed my hands on the small of my back, puffing breaths and pacing.

     “Ah!” I cried and felt water gush down my legs. Braced against her arm, I looked up and realized my water broke.

     “You are ready.”

** ** **

     My screams echoed through the large tent. Frost giants gathered and the midwife sang to me an ancient hymn. Loki’s elder brother brought me against his chest and let me cling while I sat between his legs and pushed. A sister leveled her breathing with mine. I screamed and pushed when the midwife bid me to. My head fell back and I heard a loud cry that wasn’t mine. It was such a beautiful sound.

     “It is a girl,” She lifted the baby, blue tinted her skin and Jotuns cheered around me. Their Queen came to assist, wrapping her up before I felt her weight in my arms.

     “Hold your daughter.” The Queen brought me from my daze. Large, red eyes peered up at me. A full head of dark hair. Ten fingers and toes. Identical lines etched into her skin like her father and a slight point to her ears. She was perfect. I wept and thanked them with all my breath. “What will you call her?”

     “Karliah.” I decided. “From a place that I won’t let be lost to the test of time.” I touched her skin and watched it shift, matching mine now. Her eyes faded from red to a limitless pool of green that glittered with gold flecks. Like nothing I’d ever seen. I looked into them and felt the pull I usually had on others. She watched me, intent while I fell so deeply in love. I felt in her, an affection that was so vast. She would inherit a great deal of magic and my abilities from elves and gems. “You will change the realms. You will be so loved.”

** ** **

     We stayed a few months after in Jotunheim. They taught me about caring for their young. Like all Asgardians, she grew quickly within the few months. It would slow upon the preteen years and then still further into adulthood. Four months and she was walking through snow. The pull she had on me effected the others. They loved her. Her laughter filled a room with blooming smiles. Soon, it was time for me to return to Midgard. With promises to return, I bowed my head and let the light take us back.

     “I do hope the nursery was finished,” I remarked, entering the dining room. Sam was up first to hug me before I pulled Karliah from my chest. She was so calm like she knew them already while being passed around. “Where are Pepper and Tony?”

     “You can’t just come and one up me in the infant game with a godly frost baby already walking.” Tony came down the steps with a bundle in his arms. Pepper was with him, also carrying one.

     “Twins?” I turned from Natasha, Clint, and Bucky gushing over Karliah to see Tony’s children.

     “A boy and a girl.” Pepper grinned. “Tony fainted. Multiple times.”

     “Maria after my mother. Though, Hill seems to enjoy being smug about it. Always makes Sharon laugh too.” Tony introduced me. “And Steven. Sharon liked that just a bit better.”

     “They’re beautiful,” I rubbed Tony’s shoulder and leaned over. “Welcome to the family, little ones.”

     “Look at her…” Jane bent down to see Karliah. “Wait until the others find out.”

     “Heimdall and Frigga likely know. But, Jane, I have a favor. When you visit Asgard again…do not tell them. Not yet.”

     “You sure?” She touched my hand and I nodded.

     “Alright, let me see the blue bean.” Tony handed his son to Janet and Hank.

     “Karliah. And she isn’t blue at the moment.” I picked her up and set her down so she could walk to Tony. His eyes welled up and he laughed it off. Karliah touched his face and Tony looked up at me.

     “Is she…?”

     “It’s looking that way. A lot was passed onto her. She will learn in time.” I turned to Peter. “I’d forgotten to ask…did Harry?”

     “Shield and I…helped persuade a little. Oscorp is his. Working out a partnership with Stark Industries. I think it’ll work out.” Peter took Mary Jane’s hand.

     “We’re getting married.” She showed me a ring and I about squealed, planting large kisses on their cheeks.

     “Have you ever had an Asgardian designed wedding gown? I might be able to conjure some things up.” I took Mary Jane’s shoulder and turned her around.

     “I feel a photo op coming.” Tony hadn’t put Karliah down and Pepper rolled her eyes.

     “Just one. We have to get them to bed.”

     “First of many.” Natasha remarked, patting my back.

     “Will you be her Midgardian godmother?” I’d asked and she froze.

     “You know, you’re going to outlive me, right?” Nat’s cheeks warmed.

     “Honorary Aunt?”

     “We’ll work out the details.” She grinned at me. “Tony, share the kid.” Natasha pulled my daughter from him. “I’m going to tell you about all the times I beat your dad up.”

     "She's beautiful," Bucky tugged me next to him for the photo so I kissed his cheek.

     “Let’s get this picture going, I have a few stops after. Lots of family to meet.”

** ** **

     “Meeting dismissed, thank you everyone. It’s a new day for Oscorp.” Harry didn’t notice me and began to pack paper files into a folder while the room dispersed. I slipped in from the balcony and grinned when he turned, loosening his tie.

     “Mr. Osborn.” I nodded.

     “Lady.” He smiled warmly. “We missed you. And who is this?”

     “Karliah.” I handed her to him as she babbled. “I heard you’re turning things around here.”

     “It’s a work in progress.” He handed me a file and I smirked. “We got a scholarship going in Otto Octavius’ name. Another in Gwen’s name. Hoping to get more aspiring science nerds on board and young supers. Get them in better conditions. Oscorp has resources and jobs to spare after I cleaned it out.”

     “I’m proud of you, Harry.”

     “I wanted to say thank you. For believing in me. For not giving up.” Harry was wistful, peering at my daughter while she touched his face. She smiled like she knew something no one else in the room did. “Just one of those days where I’m thankful I’m alive.”

     “Always best to count those.” I kissed Harry’s head.

     “You sticking around for a while?”

     “Ninety-nine years to go.”

** ** **

     So often, I enjoyed tea with Jean, Ororo, and Emma in the gardens at the school. It had never been so full. Karliah played while Bobby and the others chased her around the yard.

     “She’s gotten so big. Babies aren’t supposed to walk and talk by now.” Ororo remarked and I shrugged.

     “Asgardian.” I noted. “She’s so attached to the team. Follows Natasha around. Always trying to help Betty and Bruce in the lab. She think’s Janet is a goddess. Which is true but, I can’t believe she’s mine some days. Keeps asking when Uncle Peter and Aunty M.J. will return from the honeymoon.”

     “I might steal your kid.” Emma smirked. “She sat in my class and didn’t make a sound. Pretended to take notes when she saw Rogue doing it.” Karliah paused and turned when En came out, parting from another mutant boy with pink hair and a girl with her afro parted into two buns. “He’s doing all right, you know.”

     “I’m glad.” I watched Karliah rush toward him like she knew him. En kneeled to greet her but she lifted up from the ground, giggling. “Oh, hell. She can fly…I did not know that.” I groaned and covered my face while the ladies around me laughed.

     “Good luck with that one.” Jean snickered and En took the little girl into his arms, crossing over.

     “She is very beautiful.” He regarded me. “Like her mother. Stronger with each passing day.”

     “Thank you, En.” I took her. “She likes it here a great deal. I’ll have to visit more.”

     “Do that.” He jumped when Kurt appeared on the fence next to us.

     “Kurt, how many times have we gone over this?” Jean smirked.

     “Do not scare others by popping up without warning. Forgive me.” He gave a sheepish grin and I let Karliah go so she could float toward him. She gave a high pitched giggle and tugged on his tail.

     “Kitty cat.” She spoke and they disappeared across the field to play again.

     “Not kids anymore. Rogue and all of them.”

     “As they keep reminding us,” Ororo poured a fresh cup. “They have official suits and we couldn’t get them to take them off the first day.”

     “They’re going to make you proud.” I sighed and Emma shrugged.

     “They already have.”

** ** **

     Time went on. I did not forget my mission to the realms. I went on quests with my team and lived in the tower. Pictures taken of all of us over the years reminded me of the change. More came and some went on to do other things. But, I stayed the same in every one. I noticed a little silver in Natasha’s or Sharon's hair. A wrinkle around Sam’s eyes. I was a fixed pointed around them all. Jane warned me that Thor would visit. I took the cue to go out on my vessel. Tony and I had worked months to improve it. I met other teams on different planets. The Guardians of the Galaxy helped me in my pursuit of the last few stones. I got to connect with others once under the bondage of Thanos. They were not alone. Survivors came together. Scars were acknowledged. I gave the final stones to Jane and she took them away to Asgard. Everyone knew my name across these nine realms. I heard it uttered along distant branches.

     So often, I missed Loki. Karliah was so like him. She asked and I would talk for hours about her home and father. She was so young but she understood all, it amazed me. I told her my story. The story of Asgard and Earth. Heroes and villains. Her mind was so developed. Every night, I trained with her to better attune her abilities. It was difficult at first. Her mind was unwell from the pressure. But, of course, I was always there. Always allowing her to cry and hold onto me in her frustration. My team grew, many started families and worked or fought even when it was physically difficult. We lived a fulfilling existence. Sometimes that was all one could ask for.

     Tragedy struck when Charles Xavier grew older and had a destructive seizure that killed many mutants. Medication leveled him out. The government tried to turn on them all over again. Magneto was always right. We fought and lost too many. Logan, Emma, and Ororo with the help of Kitty and her team, took control of the school. Scott and Jean brought Charles elsewhere to live out his days. There was hope though in the form of a mutant child with abilities similar to Logan. Laura was her name. She brought with her more mutant children in hiding and a hope for the future. Magneto fought for mutant rights until the very end. You can still read about his pursuits in history books.

     En stayed the same with me. We were so static. He helped take back control when it was almost lost. He would outlive them all just as I would outlive my friends. So, we agreed to let him be that light for them. Apocalypse became Genesis, who would still serve as the guide for mutant kind. He could teach them, shelter them, and in return feel hands of trust and affection reach back in place of blind followers. After it was done, I told him our story. I touched his face and let him see what we’d created together. He wept at first.

     “Is this my fate?” He’d asked me.

     “No, it is a choice we left behind because we did the right thing in the end. That matters.”

     My teams changed as well through wonders and wars. Peter came into his own with more children who would grow and children who could come after them. It was all in safe hands. I watched the cycle begin with En, knowing what would come. Death eventually did arrive like a lost friend for each of them. And with her, I was there at each bedside to take their hands and ferry them home. Some went in battle and others simply went with the test of time. Those who forgot me always remembered in their final moments. They smiled and I took them home where they could be young and live forever in a bulletproof world with Steve Rogers. He waited beyond the veil and I passed them on to his hands.

     Loki prayed so often and I heard him. When my friends began to pass, I heard them as well only when they visited the grounds of my castle. They always gave me just council. I couldn’t expect them to always be there but, I was thankful to feel them like passing stars in the night. Peter, M.J., and Harry aged as well. Losing them felt harder somehow. They were the last ones. But, I took them away into the next world. In return, they visited me often. My castle filled again. Grey and Nerien helped it flourish. These souls I touched were always trusted to return once in a while and I held them close to my heart, always.

     Jane stayed the same as well. I was thankful to have her when it was done. She traveled between realms, as the warrior Thor always needed when he took the throne. The new Avengers were just as driven and mighty with each cycle. They bound together with the X-Men and kept the world in one piece. On my final day, I came to En, and swore I would return to him again. He never forgot to pray to me and I always answered the call. Midnight struck and I looked at all the photos on the walls. My friends and I from the beginning to end. I smiled warmly in each photo, unchanged in these cherished moments. I pulled each one down and said many fond goodbyes. The Tower would be in just hands of grandkids and young Avengers.

     “It’s time,” Jane touched my shoulder. “Are you ready to go home?”

     “This was home.” I exhaled, holding the first photo Tony had framed for me to my chest. “It was all so beautiful here. Time for another adventure?” Jane smiled and nodded, leading me to the vessel. Karliah put her arms around my shoulders, strapped to my back.

     “We’re going to Asgard, mommy?”

     “Yes, my sweet.”

     “What if they don’t like me?”

     “They will love you, more than you know.” I rubbed her hand and Jane started the vehicle. I waved to my friends gathering below and light swallowed us up. The bifrost was just as I remembered. I pulled the piece of Space Stone from my neck and set it in Heimdall’s hand.

     “Welcome home.”

     “Hello, Heimdall.” Karliah blinked at him and he smiled.

     “Hello, little one. I’m glad you have joined us at last. Come visit my observatory, I’ll show you the realms.” He greeted Jane. “They are waiting at the other end.”

     “No time to waste,” she drove us over the Rainbow Bridge and Asgard sparkled like it never had before. Thor’s rule was apparent in the new architecture and grand scale of the main province. Asgard had flourished and that touched the realms outside it. I thought of my friends, passed off into a better world. I hoped to speak with them soon among my guardians. We ran through fields and laughed as one under bright stars. But, I was glad to be here again.

     “It’s more beautiful than any dream.” Karliah was awed, her lush red curls bounced around her shoulders while we soared. I saw my family at the end of the bridge, lined up in wait when Jane stopped. Loki shuddered with tears but froze when my shaken hands pulled Karliah from my back. She looked at me, truly nervous and I kissed her cheek, nodding. “I know them all from stories. From my mommy’s head.” I stayed there while she walked forward and pointed. “The great Lady Sif and Fandral the Dashing. Volstagg the Voluminous and Hogun the Grim. The Warriors Three…and you are the beautiful former Queen Frigga, my grandmother.”

     “Yes, I am, my dear.” Frigga touched her lips.

     “I know of my grandfather. He was a great King. Odin. And you are King Thor. My uncle. You love Dr. Jane Foster.”

     “I do, indeed.” Thor beamed and she came to Loki while he took to his knees.

     “You are Prince Loki. God of mischief. Master of magic. My father. I am your daughter, Karliah, and I’ve waited one hundred years to meet you.” She touched his face and I saw memories flash over Loki’s eyes. Slowly, she turned blue and he followed through her touch. “You’re beautiful, just like me. That’s what mommy says.”

     “You are stunning.” Loki pulled her into his arms, lifting her up with him. He lost his breath and held her so tight, eyes closing with tears. His dreams came true. “She is so stunning.” He reached out for me and I raced into his arms. We held each other, a family at last. Thor joined, picking us all up and Karliah giggled when others came in.

     “You’ve done so well.” Thor cupped the back of my head and I leaned out to see his left arm just past his elbow was now a lush, dark prosthetic. “Heimdall…he told me you went to Jotunheim. At the time, I did not understand why.”

     “I have many stories to tell you all.” I narrowed my eyes and Thor flashed a guilty smile. “You had two fleshy arms the last time I saw you. That looks to be the work of Faleen and Elise.”

     “It is. Eh, we have a few as well,” Sif took Fandral’s hand in hers while I hugged Frigga. 

     “You were so missed.”

     “Mother had to deal with Loki and I without you. Jane was glad when I sent her out into the realms.” Thor offered in jest and I saw a statue of Odin next to many Kings who came before him.

    “Thor knows I’m just using him to get at all the godly science and new tech within my reach.” Jane grinned and kissed him.

    “I’ll allow it,” Thor winked. “I redecorated the palace. Mother’s chandelier is out for all to see. New statues. Dusted off some family portraits. You do know you’ll be posing for a few after the wedding.”

     “I can’t wait to see it all.” I let Loki slide his arm along the small of my back while he carried Karliah. Kissing his jaw, I sighed and set my head on his collar.

     “Let’s get you both home.”

** ** **

     I’d lined up each photo on a long shelf from Midgard. Humans and mutants over time. Families grew and flourished. En would watch the stars and pray to me, waiting for me to return to him. Asgard was so full of life again. Yggdrasil prospered.  

     “Mommy, we’re going to be late for the lesson!” Karliah jumped up into my arms. “I miss them too. I talk to them when I close my eyes.”

     “Yes, I do as well, my love. They’re doing just fine. Steve was waiting for each of them on the other side, you know? They’ll visit our castle and sit around the table. We can share stories once in a while. I think that’s just fine…and your grandfather, Odin. He is at rest now and he speaks of you so often…soon we will go to Jotunheim and they will monitor your progress. Loki’s brother and sisters will be glad to see your face just as my mother was. You are so loved, Karliah. Never forget while you grow into the person you wish to be.” I tucked some hair behind her ear. “Now, let us go meet your father.”

     "When papa is Ava. Can I call her mommy too?"

     "Of course you can. Many wonderful families have two mommies or two daddies. Loki is fluid. Beautiful. Gleaming and still all at once." I encouraged.

     "If I shift into a boy some days, will you still want to be my mommy?" Karliah looked into my eyes, we both beamed.

     "I will always want to be your mommy. I love you. I always will. For who you are and who you want to be. Never forget." I kissed her head, eyes welling before I sniffled. She smiled. So bright.

     “Can we fly there?”

     “Oh, I suppose.” I opened the balcony, looking out over the golden rays of Asgard. “Are you ready now?” She stood on the ledge and I took her hand.

     “Yes.” We soared down, giggling and twirling. Warriors waved from the training grounds and I let Karliah go to fly on her own.

     “Good morning, everyone!” She swooped down and up. Even the burliest warriors cracked smiles. The Warriors Three and Sif paused training to see us go. Loki looked up from under the willow tree, the pond near him sparkled in the sunlight. “Daddy!” She crashed into him, sending him backwards into the grass. “I flew all by myself again!” I came to my feet with more grace and kissed Loki in greeting.

     “Thor still with Jane and your mother?”

     “Yes, it took a few tries but I believe Dr. Foster finally said yes. Or perhaps she asked him this time. My brother is not known for his charms. Not like me.” Loki smirked and set Karliah down, taking her hand. “How are my girls this day?”

     “Someone was eager to start lessons this morning.” I cocked my head. “Her bedroom is covered in blooming flowers.”

     “Again?” He laughed. “And yet, my favorite was last week when she materialized that bird.”

     “The one that tried to nest in Thor’s hair?” I inquired.

     “That would be the one.” Loki winked and Karliah snickered.

     “She is your daughter.” I sighed. “You two start today, I have work to do under that tree.”

     “You’re still writing it, sweetheart?”

     “It could take another hundred years, my prince.” I kissed him again and went to sit down, pulling a small bag from my back. Loki began a lesson with our daughter, moving as she mirrored him with striking concentration. Magic flitted from her small fingers. I took a pen and wrote our story. All of it, harsh and blissful.

     For that was life and I truly loved mine. Knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Knowing when to forgive and when to use the forces of love and anger as one. Knowing that there will always be stars twinkling in your orbit even if you cannot see them at first glance. Knowing that you are loved and allowing yourself to respond in full. Knowing there were people on all sides to remember me and that I would forever cherish their memories even after they had gone. That I would let them live on within me. My life was never perfect. But, I was living it and I was not alone. Time washed away and I remained still, shaping the worlds around me with teams who shared a common vision so that we might carry this legacy out. A miracle. A Messiah of souls. A warrior of Asgard and champion of the lost. Forever an Avenger. So I kept my promises as best I could. My heart drummed with the swell of thousands of souls, intertwining as I watched the man I loved play with our daughter. Loki looked up at me and smiled the same way he did so many years ago. He was so full. So happy and at peace. Slowly, I returned it and pressed my pen into the paper. Words that could last me another hundred lifetimes of hope, fire, love, hate, and bravery. Of accepting hearts that will forever remain, coming together as one united against all of life’s obstacles.

_Don’t let that dream die._

                                          ** _Time For Another Adventure._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't yet explain what this story has meant to me and what your support also means. This started as a happy accident and means to vent for some stress relief. Also, I wanted to change a few canon things and frankly, I loved Loki. :) This was way to have some creative fun with characters that I love so much. Loki, Thor, and Asgard were so near and dear to my heart. They had so many possibilities and so much potential; really I just wanted to write about gods. Flawed gods. About redemption and consequence. Love and loss. Hope. These twisting relationships god have to each other and mortals who reach out to them. 
> 
> The Lady is my heart and this story is just my soul. It got me through some really difficult times. Many of those times have not ended. I'm still struggling. More so than I like to admit. Much of the Lady's life, feelings, and character were taken from my own. I might write a short afterword. But, I just wanted to say thank you all so much. For reading this. For hearing me. I've tried so hard to reach out. To connect. To be heard. And I never felt that I was able to. This story was all I felt I had left to do that. Sometimes, I feel like it's all I have, period. I hope I reached someone out there. I hope you're reading this now and you know you're not alone. I'd love to hear from you. Leave some words below. :) Again, my writing blog is just-sid.tumblr.com. And thank you again for taking the time. I appreciate it so much. Here's hoping your days are full and great. :D


	47. Afterword.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterword. The truth about this story as it pertains to my life. And a big thank you to readers.

 

            So, that’s it. You made it!

 

            I debated writing a little afterword. Maybe I’m not ready to be done with this story yet. I want to move onto other projects I have. Another big thank you to every reader who stayed with me or tried to. You sat down and spent time with me reading my story so I appreciate you. Your reward for making it here is the truth. All of it. I spent too much time being a ghost. I need to put this somewhere tangible. I need others to know where I’ve come from and how it made this story real.

 

            When I began this fic, I had no plan. It wasn’t even meant to be a story. I’d written some really bad, cheesy fanfic in my life through middle and high school that never saw the light of day. I had so many half formed ideas and I didn’t start this fanfic until college. I was lucky to have a roommate who would become one of my best friends. She was my only reader and an artist herself so I was fortunate for some lovely fan art from her. So, big thank you to her for always encouraging me. Sometimes all it can take is one hopeful soul to keep you moving forward.

 

            My life was all secrets. Growing up, I dealt with trauma, repressed memories, abuse, and mental illness. I had no means to get help. My relatives were never the type of people to acknowledge their issues. I was also the only mixed race person in our family. My father was from the Dominican Republic. I never knew him. He and my mother had a short, whirlwind romance but separated due to unfortunate circumstances similar to my story before I was born. I would later meet him and we had one great day together. I never had a father figure growing up like the rest of my family members. I was the black sheep. I stuck out. They liked me like that and reminded me constantly. Didn’t help that they were on the tragic, vague end of racist. As a child, I never felt connected to anything other than the heroes and villains I used to watch on screen. I talked to fictional characters in my head as a means of outlet to nurture myself. Guardians in a castle I ruled that I would go where things were just not as hard. I’m sure we all have such a place.

 

            The relationships the Lady has to her family were also from my life. My mother always fell for the wrong guy. When I was about five, she fell for the worst guy. We’ll call him, A. She married A when I was six to escape her own mother and sister. He was from Scotland and used her to stay in the U.S. He’d never had a daughter and he never wanted one, I learned this. They had a son. My brother, who I love so much. A only wanted his biological son. My brother was young and favored of both parents. I was not allowed to cry and rage. Such emotions made you ungrateful. Things were different with my brother. Loki resonated with me early one. The pain of not being the favored child was always in the back of my mind. I long to please everyone. I suffered so much physical, mental, and sexual abuse from a monster who could not try to love his stepdaughter. My mother tried to hide it all from me but the memories came back later in shreds. They divorced when I was about seven. I thought things would have gotten better. I thought.

 

            Grey was a very real creation that manifested with A. I used to think of it as a game system with one player. This player is young and trying but they’re losing. So player two plugs in. Player two is good at faking things. Playing and manipulating the game. An experienced adult. I grew up way too fast. It was horrible. Player one tried to go on but now they cannot keep up. So player two does them what they think is a kindness. They get unplugged. Grey wanted me to fake everything more and more so we could fit in. So we were not noticed. I faked and faked everything until nothing existed. I didn’t feel like a person growing up. I had no real personality. Just what I was pretending to be for everyone. I realized it much too late. I smothered a child to become an adult and tried to hide her. She lashed back as I grew. So, I tried to nurture her. As best I could. I hope she forgives me one day. I like to think she did.

 

            My mother cared for my brother and I the best she could. We were poor and living with her own mother again. She did everything to keep us fed and in school. That, I will always appreciate. She fell for a new monster when I was about nine. We’ll call him, J. J had emotional problems. A temper. No self-esteem. He was jealous. I remember him and my mother fighting too often. I was terrified of him. He screamed and screamed. He was weak and emotionally manipulative. A coward. He pushed me around and grabbed at me but never hit me. I used to wish he would just do it so I could be rid of him. I fantasized about killing him and myself. More often than I liked to admit. As I became a teen, I knew how to stay under the radar. How to manipulate to survive. My mother worked a lot and left me to his mercy. I did theatre and stayed in school as late as I could. But, it wasn’t enough. J and I went toe to toe. I grew to like manipulating him. I was good at it. He never felt like a father but an ex-lover of sorts. How horrid was that? We played a game and I had to pretend to be behind when I was so far ahead. The voices coaxed me onward. I also started to remember what had happened to me. I stopped being good to myself. Started cutting. Burning. Hair pulling. The rush was unlike anything. I was a good student. Quiet. When the depression and cutting got worse, my grades shot up. I knew how to hide it all. People complimented me. It was all a joke. I was dead and so good a pretending to fit in. I was also not white and a plus sized girl with thick curls of hair and thick brows. So, that warranted bullying. People like to touch you too, especially if you develop early. How I hated everyone around me. But, I smiled so big. So dull. Did theatre. Got good grades. Stayed out of trouble. They ate that shit up.

 

            My mother and J stayed together for so long when we moved in together, despite her sleeping on the couch after the first two years to the end of the relationship. I made plans to kill myself several times. I came close to doing it after my senior prom. But, I got into a good college. I thought I would give life another try. I got to leave home and study what I loved. Got a degree that's gathering dust. But, hey, it's an accomplishment and it was a good experience. I was so desperate to find something worthwhile. Something meaningful. That kept me going. That and spite. I wanted to outlive the family members I hated. I wanted to watch them all die. Hope and spite. How beautiful and terrible am I.

 

            My mother relocated for her job at last and we escaped J when I was a sophomore in college. Third grader to college kid. That was how long he stayed in my life. That was how long we played. It was hard at first. Switching between two very different states. I had to follow mother after. I did everything for my mother. I pretended to be fine. I kept my pain to myself because she could not handle it. I wondered if she ever felt guilt. She preferred I suffer in silence. She got her heart broken once more and finally looked at me, realizing that I’d done everything for her. I was the only person there for her. I used to think it was us against the world. I don't think she deserved me but I love her regardless. It was hard to enjoy it all later. I longed for it for so many years. I tried so hard to fix our relationship. I pushed so hard despite myself. I fear that it may have been too late. We’re better in some ways, still struggling in others.

 

            The Lady’s stepfather is a mix of A and J. The mother is very close to my own. She pushed and pushed and I never got a piece of what my brother did. He could cry. She asked him about his thoughts. His feelings. She longed for him to open up. She pampered him. I know I don’t have to forgive those who hurt me. Abused me. Neglected me. But, I tried to give the Lady and her mother some semblance of peace. I never got the closure I wanted with A or J. I had night terrors about them all the time. I feared they would come back. They just slipped away after doing what they did to me. That reflected in the story as well. It’s astounding how someone can destroy you and slip away like it was nothing. It mattered. I wish it didn’t.

 

            I worry so about being that toxic person in someone else’s life. I strived to never give people what the world gave me. Instead, I take my pain out on myself. I had bouts where I stopped self-mutilating. It never really goes away. I wish those bouts were longer. I’m getting better by the day, I think. These things take time. I wanted to watch the Lady heal myself. Maybe watching her grow would offer the same possibility for me. I’ve been hurt my men. Neglected by my family and friends. I can’t put all the blame on them. People call me an old soul with a hold and pull on those around me. Yet, I always felt so alone with it. That hold often brings the best and worst people into my orbit. The Lady got this as well. I wanted to write about that extensively. I also wanted to write about a plus size woc being desired and loved so ardently by those around her. These beautiful and tragic characters trying to do better. Trying to come together. The Lady was the center of that. You don’t see that enough.

 

            When this story began, it was a fun self-insert of sorts writing exercise. A way of indulging some creative story ideas and issues that were important to me as a person. Honestly, I ranted a lot about the MCU too with my college roomie but, hey, they gave me the means to have fun. I loved the world of Asgard. I loved Thor and Loki. Loki. He’s still a guardian to this day. I disassociate to talk to guardians so often still. Some survival skills cannot be left behind. I loved grey moral characters. So many possibilities. Loki's stupid wit and way of navigation in the world. I envied it a little. His character changed to suit mcu ideas so I tried to keep him consistent before I branched off. I wanted to write about redemption. True redemption. And the consequences. I wanted to write about people who have been hurt terribly coming together for something greater. I wanted these characters I loved to find some peace. And I loved the idea of flawed gods trying to be perfect for mortals who look up to them. This fic took a life of its own. It became my outlet. I longed so to feel a connection to something and it gave me that. I longed so to tell my story somehow and it gave me that. I hope I connect with readers through it. I hope you also feel comfortable enough to let me know you’re there. It would just warm my heart.

 

            I tried to name the Lady. I really did. She became so important and so personal to me. I couldn’t do it. Part of the reason this fic is in 1st person is because of that. I wanted to write great dialogues and build strong relationships. Flawed and not. So, it just kept up and I was hooked for four years. I completed it before Thor 3 came out. It’s hard to let go, but I learned a lot about myself as a person and as I writer. I’m not ashamed. Not at all. I’m not totally happy or fixed. But, I’m hopeful. I’m a broken record, I know. I think something good can come out of writing and sharing this at last. I was so afraid for so long and not all those fears have left. I gave the Lady what I aspired for through growth. It was wonderful to see it play out somewhere. It was wonderful to write it so personally. Maybe there is something to look forward to after this. I am still fueled by hope and spite. I’m still growing as I get to know myself. I like to think that making it here already means something great. My characters deserved so to be happy, they fought too hard and so I gave them that. Loki and the Lady will always be near to my heart. I was a ghost in the machine for so long and that did not end when I came here. I don’t want to hide it anymore.

 

            So, hi, my real name is Josie. I am twenty-five years old. I love to write and I’m learning still to love myself. All of myself. I am alive.

 

            And right now. This wonderful moment. I’m glad to be alive and I wish you all so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all. So very much.


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